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Lambskin Tote Leather Handbag
(Authentic Pre Owned)
Product Details
Authenticity code: Chanel
This is an authentic vintage Chanel black patent leather tote. There are 2 external pockets, great for extra storage, one on each side. There's also a small round gold tone CC charm dangling elegantly from one strap. The spacious interior has two zippered compartments one on each side, both with CC logo zipper pulls. A gorgeous timeless Chanel tote!
Authentic: Pre-Owned
Exterior: Like new
Interior: Like new
Measurements: (Approx.) 13"L x 10"H x 2.5"W.
Product Code: 100189
All photos are of actual item being sold. This Chanel® item is guaranteed to be authentic. Chanel is a registered trademark of Chanel. LuxeDH is not affiliated with or represents Chanel in any way or form.
All pre owned designer handbags come with a white LuxeDH dust bag. New with Tags items come with original tags attached and original designer dust bag, if applicable.

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November 20, 2012
TITAN MANAGEMENT GROUP, LLC AND DELFINA PALHETE BARBOSA, PLAINTIFFS-APPELLANTS,v.STATE OF NEW JERSEY, DEPARTMENT OF TREASURY, DIVISION OF PROPERTY MANAGEMENT AND CONSTRUCTION; MVC EQUITIES, LLC AND HILLSIDE OFFICE PARK, LLC, DEFENDANTS-RESPONDENTS.
On appeal from the State of New Jersey, Department of Treasury, Division of Property Management and Construction.*fn1
Submitted September 19, 2012 -
Before Judges Messano, Lihotz and Kennedy.
Plaintiffs Titan Management Group, LLC and Delfina Palhete Barbosa (collectively, Titan) appeal from an August 3, 2010 final decision of the Director, Division of Property Management and Construction (the DPMC), a unit of the Department of Treasury that handles leases for the State. The Director's decision rejected Titan's challenge to the DPMC's award of a contract to defendant MVC Equities, LLC (MVC) to lease office space for a State agency. Titan argues the bid award to MVC and the rejection of its challenge to that decision were arbitrary and capricious because MVC's bid was non-conforming and not the most cost-effective bid submitted. We are not persuaded and affirm.
The DPMC issued a request for proposal (RFP) to lease 20,000 to 22,000 square feet of commercial office space for a period of ten years, to be used by what is now known as the Division of Child Permanency and Protection (the Division). The Division was occupying Titan's building pursuant to a lease that expired on April 30, 2010.
In addition to seeking proposals through newspaper advertisements, the DPMC relied on its database of Property Profile Forms, N.J.A.C. 17:11-5.4(a). The RFP set forth the necessary specifications, including a required "minimum of 175 parking spaces[.]" The parking requirements included a provision stating spaces needed to be "in close proximity to the proposed building[,]" barrier free, eight feet wide, and compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act, 42 U.S.C.A. §§ 12101 to 12213.
The four responding potential bidders each completed a Leased Space Proposal Form (LSPF). Each LSPF contained the proposed lease terms and a detailed cost analysis setting forth the proposed unit rate for identified categories of expenses. The DPMC eliminated one proposal as not qualifying, leaving Titan, MVC, and defendant Hillside Office Park, LLC (Hillside) as the remaining bidders.
On March 11, 2010, the DPMC requested the prospective bidders to file their best and final offers (BAFOs). A DPMC employee mistakenly sent MVC an attachment with Titan's proposal information, and sent Titan an attachment with MVC's proposal information. MVC contacted the DPMC regarding the error and both Titan and MVC agreed to continue their respective participation in the process.
On April 14, 2010, the DPMC issued a notice of intent (NOI) to award the lease to MVC, which it determined had submitted the most cost-effective bid. The NOI outlined the proposed terms and conditions of the lease and provided the procedure for filing written challenges, which were required to be submitted "no later than the close of business, Wednesday, April 28, 2010."
Titan had received an email advising "the spread between [its] proposal and the most cost effective [proposal] . . . [was] approximately $51,000 per year"; however, Titan did not receive the NOI. The DPMC responded to Titan's April 28, 2010 facsimile, noting the NOI was mistakenly sent to an incorrect address. Titan immediately faxed its intent to challenge the proposed award of lease to MVC, arguing the DPMC miscalculated the most cost-effective lease proposal.*fn2 Titan awaited a divisional review of its bid challenges and expected notice of assignment of the matter to a hearing officer.
Titan's challenges asserted its proposal was "financially superior to MVC's proposal [and] me[t] the State's goals of reducing costs, converting to environmentally safe forms of energy and providing a safe work environment." Specifically, Titan maintained the DPMC erred because:
* The State incorrectly calculated, to Titan's detriment in the review, the energy savings offered to the State by Titan;
* The State did not account for the "cost to move and furniture . . . [of] $150,000" to relocate to MVC's property . . . in evaluating the "cost efficiency" of simply remaining in the current location under the new lease terms set forth in Titan's proposal; and
* The State failed to account for the holdover tenancy costs that will be incurred under its current lease with Titan, in addition to its lease payment obligation to MVC until MVC's property is ready for occupation.
If these adjustments were made to the gross bid, Titan reasoned, its bid would be equivalent to $499,077, while MVC's would be equivalent to $534,334.
In a follow-up letter, dated June 17, 2010, Titan again inquired as to the appointment of a hearing officer to consider its challenges. The next day, the Director of the DPMC advised Titan a review pursuant to N.J.A.C. 17:11-8.2 was underway.
On August 3, 2010, the DPMC's director, Steven Sutkin, issued the agency's final decision. He was "satisfied" he had "more than sufficient information to fully and fairly review this matter," and found no benefit in conducting a full hearing. After considering Titan's three challenges, the Director concluded "that the manner in which the lease [proposal review] was administered was fair to Titan, that it met the regulatory requirements at issue, and that it ultimately resulted in the selection of the most cost effective lease proposal that will serve the best interests of the State." The Director concluded "the DPMC will deny Titan's [c]hallenge and recommend the award of the lease proposal submitted by MVC[.]"
Titan requested reconsideration and a full hearing, asserting its prior submission was not complete because Titan anticipated making a presentation before a hearing officer. Titan's request also included two new arguments. First, it asserted MVC's bid should be disqualified because it did not comply with the "State's safety considerations and dedicated parking requirements." Second, Titan maintained its discovery requests were ignored, as "the State blatantly failed to produce documents regarding MVC's compliance with the RFP's dedicated parking requirements."
Before the Director could respond, Titan filed a verified complaint in lieu of prerogative writs in the Law Division. Pursuant to Rule 1:13-4, the matter was transferred to this court as it involved review of a final agency decision.
Generally, our review of a final administrative determination is limited. In re Carter, 191 N.J. 474, 482 (2007) (citations omitted). An agency determination will not be vacated "in the absence of a showing that it was arbitrary, capricious or unreasonable, or that it lacked fair support in the evidence." Ibid. (quoting Campbell v. Dep't of Civil Serv., 39 N.J. 556, 562 (1963)). Under this standard, appellate review is limited to four inquiries:
(1) whether the agency's decision offends the State or Federal Constitution; (2) whether the agency's action violates express or implied legislative policies; (3) whether the record contains substantial evidence to support the findings on which the agency based its action; and (4) whether in applying the legislative policies to the facts, the agency clearly erred in reaching a conclusion that could not reasonably have been made on a showing of the relevant factors.
[Karins v. City of Atl. City, 152 N.J. 532, 540 (1998) (quoting George Harms Constr. Co. v. N.J. Tpk. Auth., 137 N.J. 8, 27 (1994)).]
This same standard applies to our review of a determination challenging a bid's conformity with State requirements, and we must find "the determination was not arbitrary or unreasonable." DGR Co. v. State, Dep't of Treas., Div. of Prop. Mgmt. and Constr., 361 N.J. Super. 467, 474 (App. Div. 2003) (citing In re On-Line Games Contract, 279 N.J. Super. 566, 593 (App. Div. 1995)).
Our review also considers the statutory authority and regulatory responsibility of the DPMC and the Director when awarding a lease contract. The applicable statutory provisions and regulations promulgated thereunder reflect the Legislature's intent to confer broad discretionary power to the Director to award or reject bids. Cf. Keyes Martin & Co. v. Dir., Div. of Purchase & Prop., Dep't of Treas., 99 N.J. 244, 252 (1985). We recite some basic provisions governing the bidding and selection process.
The DPMC is entrusted with the authority to approve or disapprove agency requests for space, solicit lease proposals, and negotiate leases.*fn3 N.J.S.A. 52:18A-191.3. The DPMC has the authority to select those bids it concludes provide "the most cost-effective proposed lease agreement which will best serve the interests of the State." N.J.A.C. 17:11-6.10. The DPMC also determines which conforming bid proposals best fulfill the agency's "operational concerns and restrictions" and represent the least expensive alternative. N.J.A.C. 17:11-1.3, -6.9. Once bids are solicited and received, the DPMC decides which potential lessor to recommend to SLSUC in the form of a "notice of proposed lease," N.J.A.C. 17:11-6.11, -7.1, essentially choosing the bidder "who will provide the most cost effective proposed lease agreement," N.J.A.C. 17:11-6.10. "Cost-effective" is defined in the regulations as "the least expensive space procurement alternative that can be demonstrated to conform to criteria provided by DPMC in the Request for Leased Space Proposal and to the operational concerns and restrictions of the State agency." N.J.A.C. 17:11-1.3. The remaining participating bidders are then notified and given the opportunity to challenge the DPMC's recommendation. N.J.A.C. 17:11-6.11, -8.3.*fn4
If a challenge is received, the DPMC holds its recommendation rather than forwarding it to the SLSUC, unless the failure to award a lease would "result in substantial cost to the State or if the public exigency so requires." N.J.A.C. 17:11-8.3(c). The Director is tasked with resolving any challenges by review of the written record including, but not limited to, the written challenge, the terms, conditions and requirements of the RFP and Scope of Work, the proposals submitted in response to the RFP, pertinent administrative rules, statu[t]es and case law, and any associated documentation the Director deems appropriate. Such review of the written record shall, in and of itself, constitute an informal hearing. [N.J.A.C. 17:11-8.3(d).]
In conducting this review, "[t]he Director has sole discretion to determine if an oral presentation by the challenger is necessary to reach an informed decision on the matter(s)[,]" N.J.A.C. 17:11-8.3(d)(1), though he may determine to only review "the written record or conduct an oral presentation directly, or . . . appoint a hearing officer[,]" N.J.A.C. 17:11-8.3(d)(2). Following review, the Director issues a written decision. N.J.A.C. 17:11-8.3(d).
On appeal, Titan renews each argument presented to the Director, maintaining a three-fold challenge to the bid award. First, it contends the Director's award to MVC was arbitrary and capricious because it ignored the fact that Titan's bid submission was more cost-effective. Second, Titan argues MVC's bid submission was nonconforming. Third, Titan asserts the bidding process was fundamentally tainted from inception and, therefore, the award must be set aside.
Hillside also submitted a brief seeking to set aside the proposed lease award to MVC. Hillside supports Titan's challenges to the propriety of MVC's bid and the bidding process.
Titan renews its position that the State incorrectly computed energy savings and did not adjust MVC's bid to account for the Division's relocation costs and holdover tenant expenses resulting because MVC's premises is not completed. Titan argues these expenses and savings must be used to adjust the bids, making its proposal more cost-effective than MVC's. We reject Titan's argument that the Director's "failure to account for these undisputed savings was arbitrary, capricious, and unreasonable."
According to Titan, upgrades from the anticipated installation of a solar energy system would eliminate electric costs and significantly reduce gas costs, affording the State "a total savings in excess of $60,000 per year." Titan maintains it gave oral assurances regarding these proposed energy savings, which were not considered.
In his review, the Director noted Titan's BAFO included a $3 per square foot charge for electric and gas and attached a letter explaining it expected to upgrade and make further energy improvements. The letter did not commit to pass all additional savings to the State, but suggested savings from these "green" efforts would be "shared with the State during the entire lease term." There is no evidence to support the now claimed energy cost of a mere $.33 per square foot. Despite the speculative nature of the claimed savings, and that Titan was not even bound to make the proposed energy improvements, DPMC accepted Titan's representation of "approximately 30% to as much as 45%" energy savings by using $1.95 per square foot when comparing the bids.
The Director concluded "Titan was given a reasonable benefit of the doubt" by the DPMC, which considered a 35% reduction of electric and gas expenses from the sums stated in Titan's BAFO. See N.J.A.C. 17:11-6.7 (stating after a bidder submits the BAFO, the DPMC is limited to asking bidders for clarification, but cannot seek modified bids).
Next, Titan asserts the Director erred because he rejected Titan's argument to increase MVC's bid by $150,000 for the Division to relocate. Titan also maintains $33,405 per month will need to be spent in rent due as a holdover tenant under the expired Titan lease because MVC's building was not immediately available. We disagree.
The Director identified the difference between Titan's bid and MVC's bid as $62,000 per year, or $620,000 over the lease period. Although consideration of the relocation expense could be made weighing the two bids, the DPMC may not favor Titan as the current landlord by increasing the other bids with the cost of moving. The Director found the short-term savings of $150,000, were relocation avoided by accepting Titan's bid, would not offset the long-term increased rental expense to the State over the lease term because of the differential in annual lease cost. The cost difference between Titan's and MVC's bid is mostly attributable to the amount of lease space proposed:
Titan offered to charge $23.57 per each of 22,737 square feet, while MVC offered to charge $23.68 for each of 20,000 square feet; a difference of $62,311.09 per year.
Further, rejection of the holdover cost adjustment resulted because the Division would need to pay rent for space. The Director explained: "DPMC will continue to pay rent at the existing site so long as it occupies the space. With regard to the new space, DPMC will not pay rent until the property is fully constructed and ready to be occupied." Had the DPMC considered the rent differential between the current monthly rental under the expired lease and the prospective monthly rental under MVC's proposed lease for the time anticipated to allow the Division to commence its tenancy, the amount of Titan's bid would remain higher than MVC's.
The bidding specifications state the DPMC would not consider holdover costs or moving costs; the purpose of this and similar provisions is to assure fairness and so that "conditions and specifications . . . apply equally to all prospective bidders. Otherwise, there is no common standard of competition." Hillside Twp. v. Sternin, 25 N.J. 317, 322 (1957). See also Dugan Constr. Co. v. N.J. Tkp. Auth., 398 N.J. Super. 229, 240-41 (App. Div.), certif. denied, 196 N.J. 346 (2008); D'Annunzio Bros., Inc. v. N.J. Transit Corp., 245 N.J. Super. 527, 532-33 (App. Div. 1991).
Following our consideration of Titan's bid adjustment arguments, we find no flaw in the Director's rejection of Titan's challenge. The Director found the DPMC's choice to award the contract to MVC was based on specific, competent evidence. Acceptance of that recommendation was not arbitrary, capricious, or unreasonable.
For the first time on appeal, Titan argues MVC should have been disqualified from consideration because its bid did not conform to the RFP. This argument was not raised in Titan's challenge to the NOI. See N.J.A.C. 17:11-8.3(b)(1)(ii) (requiring a challenger to include "[a]ll arguments, materials and/or other documentation that may support the challenger's position that the proposed award should be overturned"). It is a well-settled principle that "appellate courts will decline to consider questions or issues not properly presented to the trial court when an opportunity for such a presentation is available." Nieder v. Royal Indem. Ins. Co., 62 N.J. 229, 234 (1973).
Titan also has not previously raised its challenge to the procedures employed in the bidding process. Nevertheless, our review of the merits of this claim does not reveal a process that was unfairly "tainted." For completeness, we include these brief remarks. Titan was aware the bidding proposals had been mixed up, as it received MVC's proposal as an attachment to the DPMC's email seeking BAFOs. If it believed the error created a disadvantage or tainted the process, it should have objected at that point. Titan admits "it was able to disregard MVC's initial bidding information." The challenge made on this basis, only after Titan's challenge to the bid award was rejected, cannot stand.
We decline to address claims raised in Hillside's brief. Hillside did not exhaust its available administrative remedies, as it did not challenge the DPMC's decision. See R. 2:2-3(a)(2) (precluding appeals where appellant did not exercise an "available . . . right of review before the administrative agency"). Also, Hillside did not seek to intervene in the matter or appear as an amicus before this court. R. 1:13-9.
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Sunday, March 29, 2015
When You've Been "Infertile" For Years and Find Out You're Pregnant
I've definitely mentioned fertility problems before, but I know I've never gone into the details of our journey. A lot of those I'm going to keep to myself, but I'd love to share the process of the past few years and what it's like to find out you're pregnant when you've been "infertile" for years.
The past history of infertility...
I had my first round of problems crop up when I was 24. I mean I knew I'd had some irregularities in junior high and high school, but a doctor once told me it was because I was too athletic as a teen playing soccer, running cross country, and doing my own training on the side to beef up for both of these. It made sense, teenage girls probably shouldn't go for a run after a grueling two hour soccer practice.
Things seemed to get better when I went to college and it was never a thought that I'd have fertility issues. When my ex husband and I decided it was time to start trying we had several months before we realized things weren't working. My sister-in-law is an ultrasound technician and recommend a former doctor she worked with that we should see while we were living in Utah. She was great! No diagnosis, but by temperature charting and tracking we found out pretty quickly that I just don't ovulate. There were a lot of hard months filled with tears and frustration, this comes as a shock to all whether it takes a decade or a few months, the pain is very real.
When we brought the evidence of no ovulation, the doctor told us "No problem!", I was healthy in every other way and she thought a few rounds of Clomid would do the trick. They didn't. But shortly after I learned about some pretty serious lies my husband-at-the-time had told me, and we decided we were still young and to put that on hold while I figured out if we could work through the double life he was living. I took it as a sign Heavenly Father was watching out for us and the timing was wrong.
Things seemed to get better, and we decided to just not prevent it. He left for military service and I was pretty sad that there was no baby to keep me company while he was away for eight months. He wasn't away that long, he came back early with no explanation, and we were left still trying to sort through life, lies, addictions, and abuse. It became more and more stressful. His time away made me realize how much emotional abuse there was. I was actually happier with him away, and I could actually feel spiritual feelings when his darkness wasn't around me yelling, belittling, and saying some truly awful things. I went six months without a period, and I thought I must be having problems from Clomid or stress. I can't tell you enough how much I didn't want to get divorced, and that stress alone seemed to throw everything off.
He left me on a Sunday when I asked if he was having an affair. He yelled, physically hurt me, and let me know what a monster I was for even thinking that. The truth was he was actually having two affairs with two different girls at the same time. With life in such chaos and me literally living in fight or flight mode for almost a year, it seemed no wonder things were off with my body!
I had an appointment with an OBGYN the following Thursday where the doctor listened to me explain it was stress. She told me no amount of stress should cause that long of a pause and she feared there was a lot more. I'll always have a special place in my heart for the first doctor who didn't just accept a logical explanation and decided she needed to help me get answers. She dug deeper, looked at my entire life history, and decided to do some tests. The diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease (PCOS) came fast. She could see cysts all over my ovaries through ultrasound and let me know that the stress had probably made it worse, but that I needed to be treated. I was so sad when she explained my risks that I would have a hard time getting pregnant, and that there wasn't a cure. This was something I would live with and have to manage my entire life.
I was put back on birth control for the first time in years, given a diabetic diet to follow, and ordered to exercise much more often. This is when running found me. I realized I could sprint and make something besides my heart hurt. I realized some days I needed to run for hours to just keep myself from crying. I've mentioned this moment before, I just sat in the car and sobbed for what felt like hours after the diagnosis. I thought I'd lost everything. At that time I thought my chance to ever be a mom was over, and I actually wished I'd been able to be a single mom than to live my life at that time in a state that felt so alone and hopeless.
I'm grateful for mental and spiritual healing. I'm grateful my first half marathon, some hormone balancing medication, diet changes, therapy, and proactivity that lead me to lose some weight, be the thinnest and healthiest I had ever been, even compared to my high school days, and that things seemed really under control and good. I mentally realized what a blessing it was to not have a child with that terrible man, and I felt like God would give me a child if I was ever with the right one. I also had so many endocrinologists tell me that if and when I ever wanted to have kids I should have no problem and it would be super quick with how healthy I was. I honestly believed this!
Trying when the person and timing were right...
When Jacob and I knew the timing was right to start trying I went in to see an OBGYN and tell them my PCOS history. Once again, I was told this should only take a month or two. After a few rounds of Clomid, the cysts were getting pretty bad. So was my blood sugar. This lead to a cycle of back and forth treatments with a month of birth control here and there to try to normalize me. I had a pretty good attitude the first year. I kept the faith and just bounced back and forth between an OB and an endocrinologist. Some months were really discouraging, it was like they couldn't find anything and just kept saying I was doing everything right.
After a year we decided it was time to get serious and see a fertility specialist. Total game changer! Anyone who has spent more than a year trying I can't tell you enough to get to one sooner than later. I was hopeful again for the first time in a long time. They looked through my history, decided to monitor one more round of Clomid, and then move on from there.
Clomid is the stuff of the devil I'm telling you. You feel terrible on it, I had crazy hot flashes waking me up sweating at night, and the sharp pain from the cysts it brought was just awful. I knew it wouldn't work, but I'm glad they did blood work and ultrasounds to rule out why. They also needed to rule out it wasn't a joint problem and had Jacob tested too. Once we knew it was all me I dealt with both relief and guilt. I cried a lot and apologized often. That sweet husband of mine reminded me I'd told him that we may never have kids when we getting serious about marriage, and he knew full well adoption may be in our cards. Always sweet, always amazing.
Our next step was Femara. That seemed to work better, but after a few months we realized I still wasn't ovulating. I was devastated, all my friends with PCOS swore it worked for them like a charm the first or second cycle. To hear it may not be my answer left me realizing there were only so many options left.
We tried some other medications, and then the doctor did a month of serious monitoring. Blood draws every other day (with veins not given time to heal- ouch!), several ultrasounds, and a few thousands dollars later we learned there were some more hormone issues that needed to be fixed. Every couple months lead to a new drug introduction and some new additions. I remember looking at the pill bottles lined up in a row one day and I thought, "Anyone who doesn't know me would think I am a hypochondriac with a drug problem" So many supplements and vitamins, so many pills to take at specific times of day with specific foods. I just felt like my life was no longer my own and I was controlled by fertility.
After almost a year, the doctor decided I was balanced and I still needed some help with a hormone trigger shot injected the day before I should ovulate. Sticking a needle in your stomach and getting a bruise the size of lime each time was awful. The stress of turning intimacy into a 24 hour window is just nuts. At one point I remember thinking "I'm more inclined to believe unicorns exist than people actually have accident children."
But something amazing happened, it looked like I ovulated! However, once again, no pregnancy. I was happy, but also so sad when I kept thinking of the thousands we were shelling out for all of this. The week after the failure Jacob was out of town all week for work, and I found myself crying myself to sleep at night. That was the meaning behind one cryptic Instagram post for anyone wondering. Christmas was coming, and Jacob and I decided the financial costs and emotional pain were becoming too great and it was time to take a break. When I told my fertility doctor she reminded me we were close, we'd done the "dye test" to flush out my tubes recently, and that she could limit ultrasounds and we could do just a few more cycles since, in theory, everything was finally working. I agreed to do the last few she suggested. She let me know we probably had two more tries before it was time to do exploratory surgery and start talking about in vitro.
That's quite the step, and once again Jacob and I made a plan knowing our luck in the past. We decided to add me to his insurance who covered some of $20,000 in vitro cost per treatment. We thought we'd save and plan for it end of summer when we were emotionally and financially more ready. In the meantime, two more cycles, a doctor who helped us work medications and visits so it only cost a few hundred dollars each month instead of a few thousand, and we figured we weren't out much to say we tried everything before it was time to take a much bigger, more expensive path.
I stayed very private about all of this sharing details only with my best friend who has been through this process herself. I even kept some from Jacob, because it was taking a toll on him. My family finally got out of me the state of the union so to speak, and they decided they would all fast and pray hard that if it was meant to be, it would happen in the next two months. We had about zero hope, but figured why not?
After praying for more strength and more faith, I had a glimmer of hope around Christmas, and I went in for blood work to find out if it worked on the 22nd of December. I was so excited and had a grand plan to tell Jacob Christmas morning. I took a pregnancy test at home the day before, and got a no. I asked my friend about this, and she told me to get the cheaper ones with lines, the faintness of a line would be better than a digital test. I'd decided I'd paid enough and blood work would tell the truth! I was braced for a no, but so hopeful for a yes. Of course, I was devastated to hear it wasn't a success. I had to do my best to perk up for Christmas. My mom pointed out two days before I hadn't given her any sort of wish list. I told her I couldn't have what I really wanted and I just didn't feel the need to own more stuff. My wise mom found the perfect skirt and earrings to cheer me up, but deep down I knew she was feeling how much pain this journey that had now spanned over more than two years had caused.
I drove home from Christmas shopping and hearing my official no and thought- well one more of these crazy months of blood work, shots, medications galore, ultrasounds, cost, and disappointment, and then I'll get a six month break! I planned a lot of active things in my life, some adventures with Jacob I knew we wouldn't do if I was pregnant, and mentally I was just so happy to realize I was going to get a break for a while. I felt at peace for the first time in months. I felt like I could go back on some medications I knew my body needed that I can't take while trying. Two years off those babies is a long time for a body that doesn't produce a lot of its own hormones! I could go off my ridiculous amount of pills to get me to ovulate. I could spend some money on something more fun than medication and doctor bills!
I was just happy to be done with it for a while.
We were busy with the holidays, hosting a NYE party, and I barely realized I should be doing the trigger shot and when the best timing was. We just honestly had given up and knew not to get our hopes up on our one final try- if we did, it would be all too stressful and the past had taught us this was harder than doctors thought it should be. I did think to ask my family one more time to fast and pray for me, but I had very little hope in this. I felt like their prayers would get me through this last hard month and prepare for the next phase.
A few weeks later I was one day before the blood work and I thought- "I'd better take a test just to brace myself for the no. I know it helped last time, and this time it will ease me into it." I found one of the cheap tests with the lines out of the hundreds I've purchased was still in my guest bathroom, and I went ahead and took it before I got ready for my morning run.
When you get a trigger shot it will give a false positive, so I did the math and realized I was one day past when that would happen and that I hadn't blown it by taking the test. I'd done this so many times I literally grabbed the test to throw it away barely looking. Just before it left my hand my brain registered that there were two lines instead of one. I grabbed the test again. Shock isn't even the right word, disbelief and surprise were more my feelings. I took a picture to try to believe it. I sent it to my friend who instantly sent a bunch of dancing emoticons and told me CONGRATS! I told her not to get worked up, it was still likely a false positive. I've never had one of those before, but I was sure it was a trick again and I'd resolved in vitro was our only option.
I ran with more sprinting in my mind than with my physical body. Thought number one: When would I be due? Thought number two: That's before Halloween! What will I make it be for Halloween?
Clearly I was just thinking about the important stuff.
I didn't want to tell Jacob. It couldn't be real, and the blood work the next day would confirm it either way. The next morning I woke up thinking it was a dream. I took my last digital test that clearly read pregnant and for the first time I thought it could be true!
I had my blood work at 7:30 AM, you'd better believe getting that call at 3:43 felt like an eternity! The nurse talked about my next ultrasound before she mentioned, "Oh yes, and congratulations, you are pregnant!" She mentioned I was still high risk since it was going to grow via artificial hormones. I knew this, and even though I was happy, it was so surreal and also so scary with high risk that I didn't believe it.
I told Jacob the next day. Yes I knew almost two full days before he did, but I wanted to tell him in a memorable way, I wanted to be 100% sure, and I also was struggling to accept this could happen. So many years of no makes a yes virtually unbelievable. But it may be the hardest thing in the world to hide a secret even with the best intentions from your spouse you tell everything to! Telling him was such a relief!
My birthday was three days later, it was all I could do not to tell my parents at dinner. It was all I could do to keep telling myself it was real. I kept thinking how high my miscarriage rate was and I just couldn't believe it or accept it.
I told two of my favorite people in the world that Saturday when we went out for my birthday lunch. Both have had pregnancy/fertility problems themselves, and it was amazing to tell them and have both of them break down in happy tears for me. You know your real friends when they cry sad and happy tears with you, because they love you that much and want great things for you!
Jen and Kayla! Yay for friends who cry happy tears with you!
I've had that reaction from a lot from people, it's been incredible to feel the love your friends and family have for you. They let me know at the five week ultrasound to check for a heartbeat and a yolk sac, and if both those were there to start believing it!
Good news, they were both there and Jacob came with me to my first appointment. They decided to do two to three more appointments to check on growth. Jacob wanted to be at all of these. They also found what may be the last missing piece in my fertility issues, apparently my left side works great and my right not so much. Most of treatments have been on the right side, this was the first left we had all the pieces together for, and it seemed to take without any problem! What a relief that after so many years, so many tests, and so much trial and error there was one more thing figured out that may make this process smoother and quicker in the future.
Now that I'm pregnant and accepting it...
I've been so blessed to not be very sick, particularly the first nine weeks, so this all felt so surreal to me. I'd been told by others after all the fake hormones that make you feel terrible (and oh how they do) the real deal might feel fine and morning sickness may feel light. Either way, I still know I'm lucky, and it still made it hard to believe this was happening. When we went in for the next ultrasound I made Jacob take a video of the heartbeat for me watch every day so I could start to believe this was actually real. I watched that thing over a hundred times and smiled each time. I choked up so many times too, this little gift I'd wanted and prayed for for years was right in front of me.
A weird thing happened, I started to feel guilty. How many friends do I have who have tried so much longer than I have? How many have been on adoption lists for years? How many support groups did I have to leave or just feel terrible for being a part of? Guilt is very real, why some people get amazing blessings and others don't is one of those unsolved mysteries of life.
At week nine they told me the baby was measuring tall, healthy, my hormone levels were great, and they were going to take me off all the last fake hormone and release me to an OB and call this a success. That was the day it felt real. They also told me how cute and wiggling it was already, and that it looked like a gummy bear. I thought Sour Patch Kid, so I went and bought some to compare. There's a good chance that's been its nickname ever since. Plus it is sour then sweet just like their commercials, so it fit!
We told my family all at once minus one brother who lives out of state. I can't wait to post that video and those pictures, it was one of the sweetest moments of my life and I've never felt more loved. Coming this week, I promise.
We told Jacob's parents and siblings one at a time, 16 adults is a lot to cover! It took all week but we finally did it, and finally decided to accept that this was really going to happen.
That was the moment I got emotional about it. I mean I've prayed for so many years for a healed body. I've been through so much physical pain and discomfort. I've paid so much money. To finally say, "This is real, you're going to be a mom!" is one of the most humbling things I've ever said. Part of me wants to blame hormones each time I tear up when I think about this, but deep down I know I all babies are miracles, but ones you have to work so hard to get feel like a big miracle, and that's an emotionally moving thing.
Every ultrasound seeing the baby grow, develop a personality, and move around healthily just feels like the most overwhelming miracle to me, and I keep pinching myself to make sure it's real life.
I am grateful for this journey. I kept thinking the entire time about the hell I went through to get my Jacob, and how every day of marriage has been so happy. Not because it's fake or we're perfect, but because my perspective on life and not having it, followed by having someone practically perfect it has made all the difference.
I can't help but think my Heavenly Father knew that I would be happiest if he made me go through a similar experience to be a mother. I have no doubt that the years of pain and longing will make even the hardest moments of motherhood feel like such a gift to me. Because it truly is just that, a beautiful gift that if we're lucky enough and keep enough faith in, some day in God's way and timing we are given.
19 comments:
Amazing! You have such a beautiful perspective on pregnancy. I am so happy for you two!!ReplyDelete
Beautiful story. Faith and positivity really do it :) im so happy for you!! Do you have baby name ideas already?ReplyDelete
I loved reading this so much Camille! Every time I learn something about you I feel like I like you more and I think, man I wish I knew her better because I like her! I am so thrilled to get to see you grow as a mother through your blog (and hopefully real life too) because I know too well that deep and indescribable joy of finally realizing that it's your turn to be entrusted with a little child of God. I am so happy for you and I love your story! I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us in His eternal timeline. :) Hugs!ReplyDelete
Oh I just love this! You deserve this and I'm so happy for you.ReplyDelete
Sitting here in tears! This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read! Oh I am SO happy for you guys!!! Thank you for sharing your story of this miracle. You and Jacob will be incredible parents!!! CONGRATULATIONS!ReplyDelete
I knew most of this and it STILL made me cry. So so so so so happy for you!ReplyDelete
(Also, now I'm singing "You Give Love a Bad Name.")
This is just the best. I'm bawling my eyes out over here because I am so so happy for you, because you are so very deserving and such a wonderful person! A baby probably couldn't be born to a better woman. Also, that tiny little Sour Patch Kid ultrasound? Cutest damn thing I've ever seen. I never had an ultrasound that looked so adorable!ReplyDelete
The closer I get to having this kid, the more emotional I get. This weekend has been no exception, and I'm over here crying as I read your post, which I would probably do even if I weren't an emotional pregnant woman!! I can't even imagine your joy, but I totally understand the guilt thing, because I had one miscarriage (I was just thinking as I read this that you're due around the same time that I was last year) and honestly got pregnant pretty easily afterward and I know so many people who have been wanting this for forever. It helps me remember that even though we had a trial getting here, we really are extremely blessed, but I appreciate the trial and the things that it helped me learn! I'm so excited for you two to be parents!ReplyDelete
i obviously don't know if i have fertility problems or not, but i can relate to so much about this post. i love your perspective, and i'm so so so happy for you! i got so teary eyed reading the whole thing from sad to happy to touched. this is one lucky little babe.ReplyDelete
I am sitting here reading with tears in my eyes. I am so happy for you, and I cannot even fathom what you've gone through; reading your story has given me more insight into what fertility treatments look like to some people, which is what I have wondered about for a while but never asked. Also, I want to tell you that you are an incredible story teller! Congratulations hun!!ReplyDelete
Congratulations! What a miracle! I love the comparison with the sour patch kid! Too adorable!ReplyDelete
I have tears in my eyes. Love reading stories of joy like this. Congratulations again!!ReplyDelete
Wow! This wonderful news and what a touching post. Congratulations. God is so good. I bet you and your husband are ecstatic.ReplyDelete
So amazing! What a miracle. :) I love happy endings like this.ReplyDelete
Congratulations!! I hope you have a very happy and healthy pregnancy!ReplyDelete
I have loved reading your blog for years now and seeing this is just so awesome! When I saw your post the other day with your anniversary pictures announcement, I was in tears so happy for you. You've shared your struggle and journey and you totally deserve this. I can understand the guilty feelings, but you do totally deserve this. I can't wait to watch your family grow. Congratulations! Oh and btw, post as many baby blogs as you want to, girl!! I'll read them :)ReplyDelete
Gosh this made me emotional....and it's not the drugs. I'm just so beyond happy for you and loved hearing the whole detailed story after just hearing bits along the way. SO MUCH HAPPY. You guys are going to be the best parents. Let's dress that baby in sequins and fur vests! ....either gender.....ReplyDelete
Wow! What an amazing story and couple! Your faith and positive attitude truly inspire me. I know you will be incredible parents.ReplyDelete
Truly a miracle! Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope and lord knows I need it. I know the heartbreak of not being able to conceive all too well- we are going on year number four. Many blessings to you and your growing miracle. Happy tears that you no longer have to endure the sorrow of infertility #unicornsdoexist. ;)ReplyDelete


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Wood Nymph
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Wood Nymphs are small creatures, possibly related to fairies and/or pixies. According to Fleur Delacour, they are used amongst the Christmas decorations at Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, where they sing to the students.[1]
Behind the scenes
- Given that nymphs are portrayed in Greek mythology as the protector spirits of their domains, it is possible that wood nymphs are merely another name for bowtruckles. However, in mythology, wood nymphs were typically known as dryads, which could also be another name for bowtruckles.
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Mentioned only)
Notes and references
- ↑ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter 23 (The Yule Ball)


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Quick Chocolate Pudding
Chocolate concrete like school makes it..mmmm childhood memories, always my fav pud at school xx
Caramel Rolo Fudge! ❤ Simple, Easy, and Utterly Delicious 4 Ingredient Caramel Rolo Fudge! No Sugar Thermometers, No Boiling, Just Quick & Easy!
Quick and Easy Brownies @ allrecipes.co.uk
Chocolate Chip Slice 'n' Bake Cookies | marshasbakingaddiction.com @marshasbakeblog
Instant Chocolate Mousse: When you haven't got time for overnight setting in the fridge or you don't want to use raw eggs, this mousse is perfect. In fact, at all times, constraints or not, it is chocaliciously gorgeous.
Filled with magnesium, essential minerals, and known as the richest source of antioxidants than any other food in the world, in its raw state cacao is a superfood. Combined with Chia seeds and, this is a great decadent dessert when you are craving something chocolate. Chia seeds are also a mild laxative, aiding constipation. Ingredients: * 1/2 cup chia seeds * 2 cups of coconut milk * 2 tbs. of maple syrup (or another sweetener) * 1 tsp. of raw cacao * 3 pitted…
This is a super easy, quick chocolate sauce for desserts, puddings or as a cake covering, only 2 ingredients and no cream or cooking required.
♥ Best big, fat, chewy chocolate chip cookies recipe. I use this recipe ALL the time and the results are always PERFECT!! Check out my blog, link in bio! ♥
This is a cross between Pears Belle Helene and Eve's Pudding, but the only important thing to remember is that this is easy, quick, very comforting and seems to please absolutely everyone.
Mint Aero Rocky Road!! ❤ Quick, Easy, and Delicious Mint Aero Rocky Road. Chocolate Traybake Filling with Biscuits and Oodles of Mint Aero Goodness!


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Moroni Rope Mirror
- Overview
With its silver and rope frame, this handmade mirror has a rustic luxe look that reflects light, and adds texture and interest to casual spaces.
- 35" wide x 47" high x 2" deep
- Frame is made of aluminum with an antique finish, and flax rope.
- Beveled mirror glass.
- Mounting hardware included.
- Dimensions & Care
- Backed with D-rings for wall mounting.
- Includes two anchors and two screws.
- Mounts vertically and horizontally.
- Overall: 35" wide x 47" high x 2" deep
- Mirror Section: 20.5" wide x 32.5" high
- Weight: 40 pounds
- Wipe glass with standard glass cleaner.
- Wipe frame with a soft dry cloth.
- Shipping & Return Info
This is a general shipping item.
Shipping Information
Hassle Free Returns
We take great pride in the quality and craftsmanship of each and every Pottery Barn product and we hope you love your purchase. If for any reason you do not, you have 30 days – or 7 days for all Quick Ship upholstery items – to return your purchase for a full refund or exchange. You can return most non-furniture items to your local Pottery Barn store, free of charge.
Delivery fees are non-refundable and prior purchases are not eligible for a price adjustment. The following items are non-eligible for returns or exchanges:
- Monogrammed items
- Mattresses
- Gift cards
- Special-order items (including made-to-order upholstery and custom order rugs)
- Final Sale items (identified by a price ending in $.X7 or $.X9)
- Items damaged through normal wear and tear.
Questions? See our full Return Policy.


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Market corrections provide a superb opportunity to reinvigorate your watch list of potential stock buys. The leaders of the next market rally will be, for the most part, new names. Few past leaders regain their former market-leading glory. Personally, I peruse the stocks with the highest relative strength.
Using the IBD database, I focus on the issues with a minimum RS of 95. These are the stocks that have outperformed 95% of their peers over the past year (the mrq has a 40% weighting). These are the issues that investors are holding onto, despite negative market action. Many of the new leaders will come from this pool. Intuitively, this makes sense.
The screen I ran today produced 101 stocks. In addition to some current leaders, there were many lesser-known issues and some completely unknown firms (at least to me). One issue that caught my eye was SciClone Pharmaceuticals, Inc. (NASDAQ:SCLN). I had not looked at this company for some time, so I decided to check it out.
At first pass, it looks great. Over the past eight quarters, EPS growth has averaged 72% (albeit a bit uneven) and sales growth has averaged 45%. An added bonus is that sales growth is accelerating. ROE was 30% in FY'11 with no debt. Market cap is a modest $400M. This looks like a superb undervalued growth story. Could the market be this inefficient? I decided to take a closer look. Unfortunately, I found a couple of major warts.
Red flag #1 is the cash flow. For FY'11, the CF Ops was ~$29.5M versus earnings of ~$28.5M. The CF/NI ratio of 1.04 is below the 1.2 minimum I use for credible investment candidates. This is not catastrophic, though, but true growth stocks with healthy businesses generate buckets of cash. Companies delivering the results that SciClone is posting routinely have CF/NI ratios of two, three or higher.
Red flag #2 hit me right between the eyes. The company is currently under investigation by the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) and SEC for potentially violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (OTCPK:FCPA). The principal issue is whether company representatives provided inappropriate incentives to Zadaxin customers. This is certainly an investment killer.
Most (97%) of SciClone's business is in China. Their lead product, Zadaxin, accounts for almost all (93%) of their sales. Zadaxin is a branded drug used to treat Hepatitis and some cancers. Management projects that Zadaxin will provide the bulk of the company's revenue for at least another two years. The 2012 revenues are forecasted to grow 25% versus 2011.
These numbers seem to reflect the reliance on superior sales execution because there are a number of Chinese firms selling the generic equivalent of Zadaxin for one-fifth of the price. There is also additional downward price pressure from regulators. Reimbursement was recently reduced 14% with more reductions likely going forward. An aggressive sales forecast in a highly competitive cost-restrictive environment puts substantial pressure on the sales force to deliver results. How will they pull this off?
Red flag #3 is the current stock repurchase program. In October of last year, the Board authorized $20M for the program. It spent $3.5M by year-end. In May, the Board authorized an increase in the program to $30.5M. It has spent $10.5M to date. What is wrong with this picture? Let me count the ways.
1. SciClone is a micro-cap high growth (supposedly) company with 18 marketed products (after the NovaMed acquisition) and another 10 products in various stages of regulatory approval. It operates in a highly competitive market. How in the world can a stock buyback program be more valuable than investing in sales & marketing, product development and/or R&D?
2. There is a high risk that SciClone will incur a financial penalty when the SEC/DOJ investigation ends. Should it not establish a reserve for this?
3. Incredibly, in its 10-K under "Liquidity and Capital Resources", SciClone states that it will continue to explore alternatives for financing to provide additional flexibility to its operations management and that the unavailability of such financing could have a negative effect on its business. I know this is boilerplate, but if it held on to the $30M, it would certain mitigate any hiccups in financing. This defies logic.
I do not recall ever seeing a micro-cap company, especially a medical products firm, diverting scarce capital for a share buyback program. High growth medical companies are voracious cash consumers. SciClone recently acquired another company, increased its sales force by one hundred, faces intense competition with their flagship product, will launch multiple products this year and beyond and it has announced aggressive revenue targets. Yet, all of these issues apparently take a back seat to buying shares.
The red flags have the upper hand with this one. Best to stay away and deploy one's hard-earned cash elsewhere.
Disclosure: I have no positions in any stocks mentioned, and no plans to initiate any positions within the next 72 hours.


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Product Description
Ren-Wil Reflections I Rectangular Framed Art Multi-Colored W5757
In this piece, Manuela Jarry has painted on 1 wood block and 2 mirrored blocks with texture and high-gloss. The blocks are mounted on a designer mat board and then mounted on a second mat board and framed with a brown finished molding.
- Sku: W5757
- Manufacturer: Ren-Wil
- Color: Multi-Colored
- Category: Wall Art
- Product Type: Alternative Wall Decor
- Frame Material: Black Frame
- Accessories: No
- Subject: Abstract
- Format: Vertical
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- FOB Point (City, State): Plattsburgh, Ny
- Assembly Required: No
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- MasterCarton Qty: 1
- Product Warranty: 1 Year Warranty Against Manufacturer'S Defect
- Country of Origin: China
- Dimensions: 16 X 40 X 1
- Weight (Pounds): 15
- Shipping Dimensions: 20 X 44 X 6
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- Reflections I Rectangular Framed Art
- Each Painting Is Designed By Our Design Team And Finished By Experienced Artists And Craftsmen In Our Montreal & Asian Facilities
- Ready To Hang
- Manufactured By Hand Using The Highest Quality Materials
Additional Information
Additional Information
|Free Shipping
|Delivery Type
|Fedex/UPS Drop off Delivery (If bought alone ) without Appointment / For large quantity, LTL Curbside Delivery with appointment
|Delivery Time
|2-3 Weeks
Product Tags
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A masters is awarded to students who have completed postgraduate level study in a specific field of study or area of professional practice while demonstrating a high level of mastery during the process.
The academic area of auditing refers to the analysis of financial records of an organization. Some common courses may include public auditing, law, finance and accounting, the auditing process and economy of the public sector.
The Republic of Lithuania is the official name of the country. It is found in Northern part of Europe. Lithuania appreciates science and technology in their education system highly. It has the basic aspects of primary, secondary and tertiary levels of education. Lithuania is another leading country in the provision of arts, science, engineering as well as technological courses. Lithuania has faced several challenges in higher education the last years that led to the creation of 20 universities to enhance its accessibility.
Top Master Programs in Auditing in Lithuania 2017
A student gains comprehensive knowledge of accounting and audit, is able to recognize conceptual problems of accounting and audit, to deal with problems of consolidation of accounting, control of enterprise performance ensuring true and fair view of financial reporting and reducing asymmetry of information in traditional and network based organizations, to reason methodology, to perform applied researches and to communicate their results. [+]


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Flame Tree 2015
Hardback 176pp 217x157mm
9780857756626   Product Code: 95203
With a detail from Van Gogh's Starry Night Over the Rhone (1888) magnificently reproduced in colour on its embossed foil covers, this is one of a series of journals that could lend splendour to the most humble jottings. Inside there are 176 ruled pages, scarlet endpapers, a silk marker and a pocket for loose papers. The book closes with a solid magnetic side flap.


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Where is the best place to order imprinted ink pens?
By grandmah from MI
I would start with local stationary stores. Small mom and pop ones or even Hallmark. Get pricing from a few different places. I know there's lots of online places you could order them from but IMHO it would be best to save shipping and handling fees and keep the money in your local area.
Add your voice! Click below to comment. ThriftyFun is powered by your wisdom!


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Joe Bonamassa Des Moines Civic Center Des Moines, IA Tickets
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September 13, 2016
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December 10, 2015
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Jason Olsen, co-founder of Utah-based Image Studios 360, offers salon professionals tips on how to use Instagram most effectively.
October 23, 2015
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Get a custom-made self-portrait logo to brand your nail business.
October 13, 2015
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The husband and wife team behind Velvet Nail Lounge in Troy, Mich., came up with a brilliant marketing idea after reading fashion magazines.
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InternatioNAILS: Vietnam13 photos
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Acid extracts that chemically exfoliate the top layer of skin; they have the same effect as AHAs, but tend to be less irritating and come from...
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Comment Re:Here's an idea (Score 1) 193
The labels also invest in talent they hope will make it, spending huge sums on teaching them to play in sync, variations on playing styles, introducing them to different instruments and sounds, fitting songs to bands, practice studios, recording studios, sound engineers, etc etc etc etc. That too all costs money, and most recorded artists probably never make it really worth while, but without that support the real gems are even less likely to make it.
The problem is that from the anecdotal stories that I've heard about the music business, the RIAA and the major labels don't actually do any of that stuff. What I've heard is that most of that is done by the actual artists on their own time and their own dime. That doesn't mean that no label associated with the RIAA ever does that, it's just that none of the stories I've heard mention anything like that. In fact, most go into excruciating detail about how the labels are loathe to give anything at all away. The general story seems to be that they are billed by the music label for anything the label does for them and sometimes for anything the label could have done, even if it didn't. In particular, I remember one band complaining that they were charged a hefty fee because they didn't use the label's recording studio, and that was in addition to the fees they paid to the recording studio of their choice.
Maybe that's standard practice and I have just never heard anyone ever mention it, but I'd like some evidence that it's common for anything other than label organized boy bands.


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This pocket-sized book, originally published in Russian in 1904, is a short but comprehensive work offering guidance to the Orthodox Christian on how to conduct himself through the course of the day. Following an appeal to the reader, the author describes how one should conduct oneself in the morning, in relation to the Lord God, in common situations of life, in daily work, during meals, during the afternoon rest, in the evening, before sleep, and during sleeplessness. The author concludes with a consideration of prayer and guidance on how to spend Sundays. A biography of the author, Metropolitan Gregory (Postnikov) of St. Petersburg (1784-1860), concludes the work. Solidly rooted both in Holy Scripture and the Tradition of the Orthodox Church, this short work can serve as a gentle yet uncompromising guide, appropriate for every Christian, for how to live a holy life within the circumstances of our daily lives. By Metropolitan Gregory Postnikov
150 pp., paperback
This classic Orthodox commentary on the Gospels was written about the year 1100 A.D. by the brilliant and saintly Orthodox hierarch, Blessed Theophylact of Ochrid. His commentary has remained a primary...
A children's life of St. John of San Francisco, with full color illustrations and photographs. Goolya was the pet pigeon he kept during the latter part of his life. 33pp....
In this collection of writings and essays, Protopresbyter Valery Lukianov shares insights and lessons gleaned from fifty years of fruitful pastoral service. Although addressed particularly to clergy and those contemplating...


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pretty basic for a new student - not much to expand on
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