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|By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 01:17 pm: Edit
My D will be entering her soph year of college in a month or so. She has had boyfriends in the past, but has not been sexually active (yes, I know, I don't know everything she does, but I'm pretty certain this is true, so humor me for now ).
As I think back on my upperclassmen years in college (heh), I am thinking more about the possibility of her becoming sexually active, and I'm wondering how others handle this. Yes, we've had the safe sex talk (more than once)as well as discussions about the emotional aspects of physical intimacy. But I'm just wondering how others feel about their daughters becoming sexually active in college, and what kind of emotional reactions you've had, if it has happened or just at the prospect.
|By Czyrda (Czyrda) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 01:31 pm: Edit
Just make sure she's not like so many other girls I see at school who sleep with these loser party guys. Check those STD rates too.
|By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 01:40 pm: Edit
gee, thanks, Czyrda, that's so helpful.
I was hoping to get some parent responses.
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 01:47 pm: Edit
My daughter is younger, but I've passed on articles to her about things like the stunning rate of herpes and other STD'a among college students. Sometimes when I begin a discussion I quickly learn that she knows more than I do. I was not as aware of state of the art birth control as was her middle school science teacher who thoroughly covered this. Frankly, I think it's pretty unusual these days to not be sexually active by the time you're a college sophmore. It's great that she waited this long but I'd think she will be just fine unless you think she's extremely immature.
|By Massdad (Massdad) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:07 pm: Edit
How do I feel? I don't - the ostrich approach has its advantages, you know. As a parent, there is not much I can do at this point to control her behaviour, not that I try too much. Besides, now is a bit late to think about doing something. We've had many a talk about values and relationships over the years, and certainly spouse and I try to lead by example.
I will say that spouse is involved in the politics of access to emergency contraception, so my D is well aware of that topic, and even checked to see that her school offers it.
|By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:11 pm: Edit
Massdad -- I completely understand the ostrich approach! It's not even so much that I think I should be "doing something" or trying to control her behavior, it's more just emotions and thoughts as I realize it will probably be soon, assuming it hasn't happened already. I have definitely been harping on the safe sex thing (am I the only one whose kid says "I know, I know"...).
Mom101 -- I wonder if it is really that unusual to be a virgin at 19. Certainly the popular culture makes us think it's rare!
I really appreciate the comments and thoughts -- keep them coming!
|By Sybbie719 (Sybbie719) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:29 pm: Edit
Hi Rhonda,
I really don't think that it is not that unusual, as many young women are having sex, many stil are not. I think we are raising young women who know that they have the last word concerning their bodies, and the choice really does belong to them. I also believe that some women are more confident, and don't feel the pressure to have sex if they feel that they are not mentally and emotionally ready for this step.
I can understand your concerns as most of us are sending daughters off to college also.
While we have talked extensively, lucky for me, my best friend (her Godmother, is an HIV/Aids counselor) who has told her first hand the number of young women she has had to counsel who thought it was something that happened to other people (she got to hear it from another source). We have had the talk about safe sex, emergency contraceptives, etc, and she knows that no matter what happens, we are there for her. In the end, all we can hope for is that some of the lectures and talks have sunk in and ultimately she chooses someone who totally respects her, and she makes the choice that is best for her.
The of the bigger issues is what do we tell our young women about men? Not to beat those of you who have sons, but, the conversations have to go both ways as parents, what are we telling our sons about how to treat women?
|By Fredo (Fredo) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:33 pm: Edit
I volunteered to get my daughter (college freshman) condoms to which she just rolled her eyes - the physical equivalent of "I know, I know!" We've had all the talks, ad nauseum she would say, and I've stressed the alcohol and drugs can lead you to do stupid things you'll reqret aspect. But of course I still worry. I'm pretty sure she won't be a virgin when she marries and I guess I just want her to be emotionally mature enough to handle sex. I think she knows she's not ready - she gives me the right answers: I'm waiting for the special guy who really cares about me, etc.
But I think it's entirely possible that she's going to do something stupid. Because I know I did!! The emotional, mother side of me would love to spare her those stupid moments but the realistic side of me knows they're going to happen. Part of growing up.
So I just hope that she's got enough tucked into her head not to make those stupid moments disastrous events - just regrettable ones that she learns from.
Doesn't stop me from worrying but, really, it's out of my hands once she's on her own at college. I'll just to keep those lines of communication open (no matter how hard at times) so she can feel free to come to me for help and advice when she needs it - and condoms anytime!!
|By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:41 pm: Edit
I have no idea if my daughter has been sexually active, or at least I don't want to think about it. She has a good head on her shoulders, I don't think that she puts herself in risky situations either physically or emotionally and I know that she has good friends to support her.
I imagine that she has been sexually active and that she had been involved in at least one emotionally draining relationship, but I wouldn't have even suspected that much if I hadn't come down to visit in the middle of something. ( Not that I witnessed anything, but her friends were acting a little weird and what I later found out was that she had been involved with a girl who I never did like because she was pretentious and manipulative, sad to see your kids find out you are right!)
I in general don't worry about her getting pregnant, however her male friends are much more present than female and often more attractive to boot.
What I have found works for me is the strategy I use with my 14 yr old. Watch a movie that brings up the topic and then discuss it. Somewhere I found a website that suggests that very thing with recommendations, I will see if I can find it again
|By Poison_Ivy (Poison_Ivy) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:47 pm: Edit
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:52 pm: Edit
I was recently traveling with my very matue 14 yo and she stopped at Sex and The City while channel surfing. I was slightly horrified, but I know what's in Seventeen, Cosmo Girl and the other magazines she reads and that sex has been openly discussed often at the all girls school she attended. So there we were in our hotel room watching simulated sex together. After, I took the opportunity to get a read on her values re sex. I was happily surprised. She very matter of factly informed me that she didn't feel she would be ready for quite some time and that she wanted to date a lot of boys to be able to recognize deep feelings before she get's sexually involved. She further told me that she would of course have sex before deciding who to marry because he could be bad in bed. It was hard to argue with.
|By Sac (Sac) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 02:56 pm: Edit
I think with a college sophomore, you just have to trust her instincts. Sometimes, the kids who wait the longest just get tired of their virginity being such a huge issue, and lose it for the sake of losing it. Sometimes, they will be intimate with the guy they think is the one, only to discover afterwards that the guy thought their intimacy was no big deal. The important thing is that your daughter obviously thinks enough of herself to have waited this long and -- even if she makes a mistake -- will survive it. My daughter used to tell me she had to learn by making mistakes. My response was that you can't learn from the mistakes that you only get to make once, like getting AIDS, or driving drunk. We can't protect our children from their mistakes, anymore than our parents could protect us from ours. As long as she knows she can rely on you for help no matter what, what she does with her body is up to her. I think you know that. Sometimes we just need reassurance that we've done all we can to prepare our children -- be reassured, it sounds as if you've done a great job.
|By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 03:09 pm: Edit
I guess my kids are more sheltered than I realize. We don't have cable and if sex in the city was on we wouldn't be watching it. My 14 yr old took American girl magazine for years but now the only magazine she subscribes to is SG which is for athletes. I know that she is really interested in fashion and boys, but I think she gets more out of a Bobbi Brown guide to makeup ( which I highly recommend) than reading "teen" magazines.
On the otherhand I have seen some of her icons featuring Orli ( bloom) Elij ( Wood) and Dominick ( Monaghan) my eyes bugged out!
I realize that sex is a very strong drive, but I am glad that so far my daughters haven't gotten too sidetracked by hormones
( Incidentally, while I wouldn't deny anyone the right to have sex before they get married, most people are educable.
|By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 03:19 pm: Edit
Emeraldkity -- I agree, sex before marriage in order to find out if you're "compatible" doesn't necessarily make sense. It sounds like a good idea, but it would be a shame to write someone off b/c you're not willing to give a few lessons, lol!
I really appreciate the discussion, it's helping me with this issue that I've been thinking about all summer. For some reason I didn't worry about it as much during her freshman year, but perhaps that's just b/c I worried about everything else!
14 is IMO a really tough age. We also did not have premium cable, and I only started watching SATC when it came on TBS (basic cable) a few weeks ago. 19 is a little different -- they're past a lot of the peer pressure issues, and coming into their own. So it doesn't seem unreasonable to think they may be having sex soon, and I'm trying to sort through my emotions and feelings about it.
|By Emptynester (Emptynester) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 03:38 pm: Edit
"The of the bigger issues is what do we tell our young women about men? Not to beat those of you who have sons, but, the conversations have to go both ways as parents, what are we telling our sons about how to treat women?"
Well, as the mother of sons, I have been ever conscious that I was raising the husband of my future daughter-in-law and that I really want her approval of my efforts LOL. We have had so many conversations about being a gentleman (my southern upbringing) and the different emotional needs and reactions of men and women that recently one of my sons (a very sensitive and caring young man) told me I didn't really need to worry about him taking advantage or injuring anyone's feelings... that I should be more concerned with someone hurting his!
|By Emptynester (Emptynester) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:05 pm: Edit
Actually to me one of the bigger issues is what the media tells our young women. Anyone besides me concerned less about the sexual content/language of Sex and the City and more with the main character allowing herself to be emotionally abused by Big in hopes that someday he will decide he actually wants what she does? I never made it past the first season. Perhaps it improves? I don't agree much with censorship but banned Baywatch, Friends and other sitcoms that I believed sexist. In deference to that hoped for future daughter-in-law.
|By Mini (Mini) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:11 pm: Edit
Chances are one or more of the kids of the parents on this list will turn up gay, which is much more interesting for those of us who aren't.
My wife's approach has been (besides the usual sex ed. bit) to say that when you can talk openly and honestly with your partner -- without giggling -- you might be ready. Or you might not.
|By Jenniferpa (Jenniferpa) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:25 pm: Edit
I agree with most of what has been said above, but I would add a couple of things. Firstly, it's probably not enough to offer condoms. If you think there's any possibility of your child (of either sex) being sexually active you should just give them to them. I realise that some may feel that that's encouraging behaviour that you might not be comfortable with, but if the situation arises, they're hardly going to break off in the throes of passion and come and ask you for one! Not only that, I'd be happier about my daughter having sex with a condom that she knows hasn't been kept in a wallet for goodness knows how many years. Secondly, I've placed a lot (A LOT) of emphasis on how drugs and alcohol can alter percptions, quite apart from possibly putting you into a bad situation.
|By Anglophile (Anglophile) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:25 pm: Edit
Hey emptynester, I'll be you daughter-in-law! Sounds like you've done a great job, and the young women of the world will be thankful for it.
My Mom is not worried at all about me becoming sexually active, because she is confident that she has raised me to respect my self and be informed about my decisions. In fact, She is informing me as I type this that her obgyn said the STD rates at UCSB are epidemic! (I'm glad I'm not going there!). Between incurable and uncomfortable diseases, and the inconsiderate behavior of most men, and the fact that I am very very picky when it comes to dating-- I've decided to wait for a good long time. And I'm almost 20 now.
|By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:37 pm: Edit
Emptynester -- I had some of the same thoughts as you about SATC. I like the friendship they show among the women, and I think the writing and acting is good. But I don't think I'd really want a 14 yo to watch it, not w/o some discussion of the appropriateness of having sex w/people you just meet (I've only watched half a dozen episodes, and this has happened more than once on the show already!).
I'm curious what you found sexist about Friends? Not a show I like very much, but that's mainly because I never found it particularly funny.
Jennifer -- I agree with you about the condoms, and that is something I have been considering. I think kids are smart enough to figure out that giving them condoms is not an indication that you are OK with them having sex, but that you are concerned for their lives. It really is a life and death situation (scary!) now, with HIV -- much different from our days!
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:43 pm: Edit
The head of school when my daughter was in fifth grade talked to parents about being careful not to try to censor too much. These kids have so many venues from which to get info these day that the approach she recommended was to know what they are exposed to and talk about it. This has worked well for me. And I couldn't agree more with Anglophile, we raised a kid who makes good decisions. She will make mistakes like anyone else but I know she has great judgement and I am not in the least worried about her sexually.
|By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:49 pm: Edit
my daughters freshman dorm had baskets of condoms in bathrooms and safe sex groups on campus passing them out.
She is also gay, which I didn't realize till she was a junior in high school, but it is making trying to parent her 14 yr old sister that much harder cause not only is she a more challenging kid in the first place, but when the older daughter skated through adolesence ( comparatively) I didn't get the chance to develop many skills.
My oldest was ( is) a cute camp counselor type, a girly girl, but also a computer/science geek, as she was through high school. Not the type ( I hope) to get agressively hit on.
My 14 yr old is much different. Much shyer except with her friends, but attractive in a sexy way, even though she doesn't dress it. I am thankful both my girls were late developers even though the oldest did eventually get size D which she is not thrilled about. Her sister is still fairly lanky although shock of shocks for a girl who last time she wore pink was when she was three and it was a favortie nightgown, she bought a pink plaid skirt at Target and it is adorable.
But I guess I am getting to clothes can change the way we think about ourselves.
I realize you don't have to dress like Britanny to act like her, but when young women don't leave any imagination to what color thong they are wearing, and they have their tongues pierced, I gotta wonder.
Gd I sound like such a prude! But I grew up during the 70s and my parents were so clueless. I had sex when I was 15 and saw it as a way to get attention at least physically. The way I looked was how I was validated but I see todays young women as so much more mature and respectful of themselves.
So many more programs to empower girls, that they don't have to be defined by their relationship to a boy as I felt I had to be.
So much better now ;-)
|By Takiusproteus (Takiusproteus) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 04:56 pm: Edit
You parents don't give us enough credit.
If you have taught your kids how to read and how to be a decent person, they'll be fine. We're not self-destructive. Natural curiosity makes us read all there is to be read about contraceptives and sexuality... so we're all very well informed. =p
Keeping your kids from shows like Sex&TheCity doesn't do anything except make them resent your oppressiveness - it's not like we're complete sponges at age 18. We are very able to form our own opinions and have our own ideas.
Btw, only using a condom is not enough. About 15 out of 100 couples who use only condoms have an accidental pregnancy each year. (this figure varies from source to source and depends of course on whether you use the condom correctly etc etc... but you get the idea). Tell them to get spermicidal foam/gel and use that together with condoms. Spermicide alone has an effectiveness of something around 75%, so combined with condoms, protection is over 95%.
Heck, instead of merely giving your kids condoms before sending them off, go even further and take them to the doctor to get them a prescription for birth control pills too. Again, condoms aren't perfect. And, if they happen to get drunk/high and forget to use a condom in the middle of their passion, making sure that they've been loaded up on pills is a good way for you to make sure to protect 'em too (though not from stds of course, they should never only rely on those pills, but just in case eh) =p
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 05:01 pm: Edit
I am so happy that my daughter has been educated at all girls schools for the last 6 years. There is a stunning difference in how the girls she was schooled with at 2 schools, one on each coast, see themselves as compared to other girls. Their self esteem is derived from their academic prowess, their athletic abilities, their community service and anything other than what boys like them. She is headed off to a coed high school which I also think is good, but I'm so glad she was empowered as a person by these schools. In this month's Seventeen Magazine, the editor thanks her mother for not letting her shave her legs in high school which apparently stopped her from dating. She encourages girls to use those key years to develop leadership skills and their interests rather than the chasing boys and applying makeup. I was really happy to see that.
|By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 05:15 pm: Edit
I didn't see where anyone was "keeping " their kids from sex & city but it is inappropriate for young teens IMO to be watching shows regularly which depict casual sex/& or violence.Especially with no discussion afterwards.
I even hate even more those "family" type shows in which the mother is the witch and the father is the dolt. Gah! I really hate the media sometimes, although we are going to break down and get a TV next month cause at this point we can't even DVDs
I am scoping out a combo dvd/vcr cause so many of my favorite movies aren't on DVD. Pascalis Island for instance.
Some kids test all the boundaries but most are very glad the boundaries have been there. My oldests graduating class had a 4 day use of a parents cabin ( unchaperoned) and she was relieved when I told her that I wouldn't let her go.
( She hadn't even told me about it, but I heard from other parents)
I wouldn't recommend taking medication on the off chance that someone might have sex. If they are in a steady relationship or if they are taking it for other reasons , but I probably would recommend a diaphragm instead.
BUt don't have sex unless you have thought about what you are going to do if consequences.
|By Jamimom (Jamimom) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 07:49 pm: Edit
Things have changed in many ways since we were in college. Our definition of casual sex looks like a big time commitment the way hookups and "benefits" work these days with some kids. I think it's best to talk about the subject, breaking it down into components--STD, contraceptives, decisions and really the toughest part, the emotional implications.
For both boys and girls, that is the part that can really bring them down and the least expressible. Don't really expect much feedback when you talk to them about this. Until someone gets hurt, it's not something that really sits in the forefront of their minds when the hormones are raging, the music is playing and everyone is HOT. To check out the scene and players before jumping in is a really good idea. Common sense issues about making decisions about ones' sexual identity and lifestyles. They are not as easy to shed and change as a wardrobe and some kids don't quite understand that. There are those that can do the casual sex scene well, and those who cannot, and it's wise not to make impulse decisions in this area.
Not that they will follow your dictums, of course. You just hope that some of what you say sticks in their heads and tempers some situations, somewhat. Just as you advise them about all of the other things you want and don't want them to do, they will do as they please and make their mistakes once they are out of the house. But hopefully some of your words will whisper, ring and echo in their brains.
I never gave direct advice about birthcontrol or gave out any goods to them. But I made sure they had info on in their drawer about health service on campus including mental health clinics. Though they may roll their eyes at you, when things get rough, that is a resource that many of them do end up using for a variety of reasons. I told all of mine that many kids I knew in school visited those services and that they should not hesitate to do so. They have heard it all and may be able to help. Just found out now after S has graduated that he had a rough stretch where he was going regularly sophomore year--he didn't feel it helped him, but he did go for several months, he was talking to someone.
It's really a parenting issue that is very personal with the style of each family so specifics are difficult to give as many of the subjects are so controversial. An old friend of ours who was a real stud in college felt that nothing was going to phase him as he fully expected and encouraged his kids to sexually experiment in college. That was 6 years ago. He has had many tough issues with his 2 kids since then. His son took the bisexual, then homosexual and back to bi route. Which drove Dad absolutely wild. That was not what had in mind at all about experimenting. As I said, things have really changed in the breadth and depth of sexuality on campus. Then his daughter had some real issues with her self image. She found herself in relationships with many, many young men where she was "servicing them" on the quick. Somewhere, somehow she lost control and she found herself in a role that she did not like. The particulars about that situaton did not sit well with Dad either.
It's really tough out there, I think. Many more choices, many more gradations. More important to know ones self and not aimlessly go with the flow. I'm glad I am not starting college right now.
|By Alwaysamom (Alwaysamom) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 08:57 pm: Edit
When my girls were juniors in high school, I suggested that, at their annual physical, they speak to our family doctor about birth control options. We have always had a very open relationship with our children and, having worked with teens for over twenty years in a counselling role, I know that trying to ignore the situation causes much harm. We have not censored what our children could read, see, or listen to and for our family, that has encouraged them to actually discuss any issues which they may have read, seen or heard, with us openly.
My older daughters are on the pill and both left for college with condoms in with their other drugstore items. Many discussions have taken place over the years regarding choices, respect, feelings, the influence of alcohol, etc. By the time they leave for college, those basic discussions should have already taken place. Fortunately, we haven't had to deal with the fall-out of relationship breakups, etc., though I have with many of the kids I've counselled. The most important thing parents can do is to be open and honest and welcome any discussion that your child wants to engage in with you regarding these matters. Censoring what they can watch, denying them any freedom as young teens, not allowing them the opportunity to make even the smallest mistakes, not allowing them the chance to make decisions for themselves, might all be appealing to some parents but, in the long run, it's the worst thing you can do to prepare them for going off to college and having to start from scratch at that point.
|By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 09:52 pm: Edit
Not wanting to have cable and not wanting to watch shows that depict gratuitous sex/violence is a long way from denying kids any freedom.
My 14 yr old daughter even though suffers from anxiety so much that she won't raise her hand in class, took her first plane ride with the high school biology class to Maui where she surfed and snorkled, last fall, goes snowboarding regularly and just returned from a NYC/DC two week trip with a bunch of kids and a few parents.
Believe me, she had lots of opportunities to make decisions both on trips and at home.
I however feel that controlled choices growing up are a much better way to ease into independence than to have everything wide open as I see in some households when they are eight!
Additionally the choice of my oldest to attend her college was prompted by me. It wasn't even on her radar really, although it is one of those schools where folks my age had wanted to attend but their parents wouldn't let them!
|By Alwaysamom (Alwaysamom) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 09:58 pm: Edit
Emeraldkitty, I was not targetting you with my comments. They were general, in nature, and as a result of my extensive work with counselling teens. I didn't say that not allowing them to watch "gratuitous sex/violence" was denying kids any freedom. Reread my comment.
Again, they were general comments. Many families do censor much of what young teens (I wasn't talking eight year olds) read, watch, hear, discuss. From my experience, it is a mistake, and it's not for the usual reason that people cite, i.e., it makes them more curious, although that does also happen. Rather what it does is to often prevent them from ever entering into discussions of such subjects with their parents, which is not only sad, but can also prove to be dangerous.
|By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 10:20 pm: Edit
I know that there are some kids who are censored, my sister for example ascribes to a religion where they are only to read "faith affirming" materials, and the only things they see on tv are football games ( for dad) and movies that have been approved, star wars is apparently good as is much of Shakespeare although I think that they aren't getting the gist of the classics if they think that the Bard and the Greeks aren't pretty bawdy to put it mildly.
I don't see people restricting their kids without discussion but I do see people allowing pretty heavy fare without discussion. Sometimes this is because they have older kids and so they aren't thinking about it, but other times it is because they think that because they look and sound older that they think older too.
Schools are also requiring students to read and watch pretty advanced material without letting parents know beforehand.
My 8th grade daughter read "Cut" in school a novel about someone who was selfdestructive and I had no idea until the counselor told me that she had supervised an intervention with her.
She has also seen horror films at school sponsored activities that led to leaving the light on for weeks. ( it was on a chartered bus)
I personally don't care what sort of special effects are possible nowdays, I think the proliferation of violence and abusive behavior is making us think that everyone is watching it so it must be ok
I certainly am not for censorship, but what is wrong with helping to make good choices and part of that is modeling!
Don't ask me how many 13 year old I know saw Kill Bill.
|By Boysmom (Boysmom) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 10:21 pm: Edit
I don't see why this is an issue only for parents of girls. We have always had frank and open discussions with my sons to the point that when I start to tell them when I think it is appropriate to have sex, they can recite it from memory. And there are many more issues than just when they are ready. I have discussed with them that both parties should be willing. Not just one talking the other into it or encouraging them with alcohol. And yes, I believe that happens to boys as much as to girls. Boys also have to consider that the girl may regret her decision in the morning and charge him with rape (I doubt that happens to a girl) or that he would have to deal with a girl that was not emotionally ready for it. Not to mention the fact that should an unwanted pregnancy happen, all the decisions are hers to make and he would have little, if any, say. She could abort his baby, give it up for adoption, or make him a father. None of those options is good for a young couple.
And of course, young men should be taught that this is a big decision not to be entered into lightly. Raising gentlemen is as tough in this day and age as raising a daughter.
|By Patient (Patient) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 10:34 pm: Edit
I attended a parenting night at our high school in the spring. A counselor spoke about the issue of "hookups" and then the NY Times Magazine had the article about "friends with benefits" that has been widely discussed in our community among adolescent counselors as they are seeing this phenomenon a lot. I am wondering, alwaysamom, as a counselor, are you seeing this and at what ages?
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 10:39 pm: Edit
Raising kis period is tough, and I don't think we are ever sure why they come out the way they do, good, bad or otherwise. My 14 year old is a child that inspires people to ask what I did. They think I'm being modest when I say she seems to have been born mature and self directed. I do come out heavily against any kind of censoring, I believe parents who think they are doing it effectively are kidding themselves. But when my daughter chose a boarding school for high school I had some initial panic about whether enough parenting was accomplished for her to leave the nest. When are we done?
|By Alwaysamom (Alwaysamom) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 11:22 pm: Edit
Patient, yes, I am seeing kids with those experiences but it varies from group to group. It's not as widespread in some schools as in others, however, it does exist. The 'hookup' issue is one which exists in every school to an extent, and always has, and probably always will. From my experience, there will always be a range of sexual activity in high school kids, from total abstinence and disinterest, to random coupling, to friends with benefits, to longterm relationships which include sexual activity. The issue that seems to be the buzz today is the friends with benefits idea. This seems to be a rather new phenomenon, and the usual ages are the mid-teen years, and then another spike in the occurence in about the sophomore year of college. I'm not aware of any formal studies on this, so we really only have anecdotal stories. In my opinion, it's not as rampant as some people think.
What is much more common now than in previous groups of teens is the occurrence of oral sex without the teens being in a relationship. This is starting at younger and younger ages which causes me to wonder how these kids handle it. The kids I work with are mostly 14+ but I have colleagues who deal with younger kids and they've seen this happening with kids in middle school. It's been discussed in this forum before and I don't want to repeat your previous discussions but it's very true that it is almost always the girl 'servicing' the boy. We all need to do a better job discussing these issues with our children, both girls and boys.
Mom101, I'm not sure we're ever finished with our kids. I, too, have one child who appears to have been born with a maturity beyond her years. She's been like that since she was a little girl. I admire her greatly and often tell her that she's far more mature than I am.
|By Patient (Patient) on Friday, July 30, 2004 - 11:26 pm: Edit
Always, thanks for the reply. Much food for thought. I have heard about the same as you report...
My mom used to say that my big brother (another one who was born wise) raised HER!
|By Sac (Sac) on Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 01:22 am: Edit
Just want to add that condoms, even if they don't break, do not prevent all STDs.
Having both a daughter and a son, I've thought a lot about this issue of how I talk to them differently or the same about sex. I realized that part of the difference in our discussions is that they are very different people. Some people will experiment more, take more risks, than others in every arena -- sex being just one of them. I've never been sure that what I considered talks, and they considered lectures, were very effective. For example, I say that sex (including oral sex) should be part of a relationship. But what is their definition of a relationship?
The reality is that many of our kids, who will go on to graduate school after college, will not get married until they are close to thirty. I don't feel that's a bad thing. In fact, I think it's better than the days of marriages that took place too young because people didn't have sex outside of marriage. But it's not realistic to think that most of them will wait that long for sex.
The best thing I feel I've been able to offer my kids besides the example of a long, stable relationship with my husband -- and a lot of praise that I hope has helped them build respect for themselves -- is the concept that, whatever their choices,I will not judge them after the fact. Advice only goes so far. They make mistakes. The most important thing in my opinion is that they be able to turn to me for help if they need it and not worry that I will be disappointed or disapproving. That means that, although I've talked to them about the issues, I have emphasized that ultimately the choices are theirs. Perhaps this is wrong.
I think it's very difficult for kids out there these days. Everyone is playing by different rules.
|By Dmd77 (Dmd77) on Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 03:25 pm: Edit
I was so appalled by what I saw on the evening news every night when my kids were young that I found myself turning it off when they were around. Finally, when they were 6 and 7, the TV "broke" when we moved from the east coast to the west coast. We didn't get TV again until they left for college. We had friends videotape some shows, we went out to watch TV sometimes, we bought DVDs of some shows.... but it was a lot easier than arguing about it. (It got pretty funny for a while: teachers would say "watch X" as a homework assignment (debates, nature shows, etc.), and we'd get pretty enterprising trying to figure out how. (We watched Clinton's "Monica" speech over the internet, on a little 2"x2" window, at four frames/second.))
|By Emptynester (Emptynester) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 11:21 am: Edit
"I'm curious what you found sexist about Friends? Not a show I like very much, but that's mainly because I never found it particularly funny."
Rhonda, I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner to this; having a bit of trouble keeping up here. one ex: A prospective roommate impresses the apt holder by introducing him to barco-lounging in front of Baywatch with a cooler of beer. Yuck! The whole tone of the show offends me. I agree- not very funny.
We did the backwards tv thing-- didn't have one for the decade before becoming parents but acquired one before the first child was walking! And a vcr! Without these wonderful modern inventions, I am sure I would have been out "walking the levees" as my mom's best friend used to say. We did try to confine viewing to *educational* programming. OTOH we didn't have a computer available to our children until they were about 10 or internet at home till they went to high school. Much of our child rearing was not really that well thought out LOL
|By Patient (Patient) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 12:48 pm: Edit
Sac, great post. The point about being sure that they are not afraid to turn to us in trouble for fear of being judged is so important.
|By A2a2 (A2a2) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 01:10 pm: Edit
Not to say that you shouldn't talk to your kids before they run off to college, of course, but if somehow they didn't get the message in explicit detail in time, most colleges have some kind of program about safe sex and responsible behavior for sex, drugs and alcohol - during orientation. It's quite common for schools to distribute condoms and information about where to go for birth control, sexual assault hotlines, etc. It's a bit unrealistic to think that young people are going to get out of college without having sex - and it's also a bit unrealistic to think they want to talk to their parents about it after high school. I never talked to my mother about my sex life - and I'm pretty sure none of my friends did either.
|By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 10:33 pm: Edit
I'm going to be a college freshman this fall and am wondering if I should go on birth control or not. MY mother asked me today if I should (my 2nd cousin-18-just got pregnant). I am thinking it might be a good idea, afterall...I definately want to be prepared when the time comes. So, how should I go about this? Do most girls go on BC before school starts?
|By Patient (Patient) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 10:42 pm: Edit
Ashley, my reaction to your question is that that is a question for you, your mother, and your doctor, and what other girls do shouldn't be a factor in your decision. JMHO.
|By A2a2 (A2a2) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 10:50 pm: Edit
If you think you're going to be sexually active, then you can go to the health clinic at your college as soon as you get there. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear, but don't thing that you have to jump into bed with the first boy you meet the first time you meet him. If you're in a relationship, there should be time between your first kiss and your first sexual experience to get to know each other, to make sure he's someone you care about and who cares about you - and to get yourself on the pill.
|By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 10:54 pm: Edit
Thanks, I understand that this is a VERY personal issue. Still, as shallow as it seems, I would like to be able to compare.
I'm not planning on being sexually active at all, but still...I've never been in this sort of situation (college). Perhaps I will wait until I get there because, as immature as it sounds, I still hate talking to my mother about sex.
|By Bookworm (Bookworm) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 11:33 pm: Edit
Please, follow suggestions to talk to someone at the health clinic. A BC pill will only reduce pregnancy, but not protect you from SDTs, HIV, herpes, etc.
It sounds like your mom was trying to open a discussion about your sexual experience. Perhaps, you could talk to her about relationships, qualities that you seek in a man, balancing his needs with your own needs, and other topics that are meaningful to you.
|By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 11:35 pm: Edit
My mother and I have discussed that before, she is the Manager of an Obstetrics Unit, so every time a teenage mother came in...
|By Jamimom (Jamimom) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 11:40 pm: Edit
My suggestion is to wait and check out the scene at your college. Generally, going on the pill is for someone in a long term relationship of sorts, though there are many who use it as backup as well. There are so many things you will be learning about your new environment, and jumping right into the sex scene is not really a good idea. The old "look before you leap" hold quite true. This is not a do or die decision that you have to make right now.
On a pragmatic matter, it is often more convenient to have an exam and the prescription right at the college since you are going to be there most of the year, instead of having to deal with the local doctor at home.
|By Patient (Patient) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 11:42 pm: Edit
Hi Ashley, I actually thought that I had canceled that post because I felt that I was perhaps wrong! Thanks for being gracious and I understand your point.
And, I do second those who suggested the health clinic at school too. I only mentioned your mom because I think that you mentioned her--I know that I was the same way with mine, although my daughters are actually pretty comfortable talking with me about these concepts, if not their own individual situations.
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 11:51 pm: Edit
The pill has many side effects and potential long term consequences and in my opinion, should not be taken lightly and without great consideration. Do extensive reasearch and don't lightly ingest any chemicals!!
|By Bookworm (Bookworm) on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 12:00 am: Edit
I think I understand now. My friend worked at Planned Parenthood, and kept lots of condoms around. Since your mom sees so many 'accidental' pregnancies, she's trying to be extra careful
|By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 08:52 am: Edit
Mom101 -- I have to disagree about a girls' school being necessarily helpful in relationships with boys. I attended a girls' school through tenth grade, and I think partly as a result of that was often uncomfortable around boys (they seemed like an alien species) and definitely craved attention from them at the same time. All a very unhealthy combination. One reason I pulled my D out of a girls' school after a couple of years is that I saw a similar mentality in some of the girls there -- someone's brother would show up to pick up his sis, and the whole school would be a-twitter! From what I could tell, the opinion of the few boys they saw was MORE important than for girls who were in co-ed school and saw boys (nice ones, cute ones, ugly ones, geeky ones, etc) all day. Of course, each person is different, and what works/doesn't work for one person may be quite different for another.
I also don't believe in censoring, but of course not having premium cable is not exactly censoring. Also, there were certain R-rated movies my D was not permitted to see before she was 17 (as you all probably know, most kids see R-rated movies younger these days, since they are available on DVDs). American Pie is one example -- from what I could tell, it was probably pretty funny, but seemed inappropriate for a 14-year old.
|By Fenix_Three (Fenix_Three) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 12:53 am: Edit
Many sources (not sure which) say that more than half of high school graduates are still virgins. At my school the non-virgin to virgin ratio is about 1:2. But, it does seem unusual to be a virgin after a year of college. It's very likely that after a year of dating the same person teens have probably gotten to... some forms of sexual activity.
|By Dukegirl06 (Dukegirl06) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 02:25 am: Edit
Just wanted to add that as a female college student, I think most of us DO already know all those details about safe sex, STDs, pregnancy, etc. I, for one, have had some sort of sex ed since the 5th grade all the way through senior year in high school. On my campus, we continue that in our orientation programming and continued programming directed at student groups (greek orgs, other orgs, all of them), presented by students.
As a parent, I think you can be supportive of your child without being judgemental (at least openly), and allow them to start acting like an adult and make their own choices. That DOESN'T mean not to give advice or support if asked, but I wouldn't want it offered too much.
I would also suggest bringing up the option of birth control a couple times and maybe buying some comdoms once, but don't overdo it with the suggestions because it can be uncomfortable for you daughter (or son, I guess).
Finally, emphasize the importance of STD tests if something does go wrong/ there's a slip up but don't ask or expect to hear about it - they're an adult and that is VERY personal. And it probably wouldn't hurt to forward occasional (key word- occasional) articles about STD or teen pregnancy epidemics- he/she will roll their eyes and joke about it with friends but it never hurts to have OCCASIONAL, caring reminders .
Just my 2 cents...
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 04:17 am: Edit
Rhonda, I also don't like the all one sex approach for HS and my D only applied to coed schools. However, for middle school in particular, I think it's a blessing in many ways in addition to those most know about like greater math/science skills being developed and the academic confidence that is derived as a result of not being shut down by boys at this age. The girls at my daughter's school were simply not distracted by boys at an age I feel is too young. My daughter is probably correct that none of the girls she attended middle scholl with have had sex. Yet many of the girls at our local coed schools, public and private, have had sex at 13 or 14. These are girls of well educated parents in a very affluent area. A friend showed me emails her 13 year old daughter had written to a boy that took my breath away. Who knew? That's when I kissed the ground that my daughter's emails were about math and the latest fashions in Seventeen.
|By Funchatter (Funchatter) on Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 06:02 pm: Edit
I'm an entering college freshman. I have not even had a discussion about my own personal habits in college with my parents, and I don't plan to. Why? I don't need to.
It would never cross my mind to get involved in a sexual relationship while in college (or not married/financially grounded, for that instance). Mind you, I'm not against having a relationship per se; kissing, etc. But I think having sex in college is extremely irresponsible. There are so many factors to take in - including other people, such as your roomate(s) - that it strikes me absurd.
Above all, I think in this day and age, people often forget that the primary reason we go to college is to learn and to establish a career. True, having a social life is important, but in my opinion, sex should not be a part of an eighteen-year-old's "social life". Try figuring out what you're going to do with your life first and learh to handle some responsibility. When you get your own apartment, go do whatever you want. I just don't understand how people think of sex so lightly nowadays. Furthermore, I also do not understand how many colleges practically encourage this as soon as you step on campus.
Perhaps I don't understand this mentality because I was born in another country. However, there as well, sex among teens is becoming much more accepted and common (not to mention almost propagandized!).
I think other people can do whatever as long as it does not concern me or disturb my way of life, but I do not approve. I am eighteen years old. I'm thinking of what I want to do with my life rather than what artificial birth control hormone I want to inject so that I can be sure I'm not "getting pregnant" whilst sacrificing my morals for a few moments that in the end, one most likely comes to regret.
I'm not a prude: I have many interests and passions, and I like talking with friends, etc. My rationality has nothing to do with religion (atheist) or political beliefs (Democrat). I take time to make sure I'm making a responsible decision. I think oftentimes, these decisions simply are not responsible. Often, young people think they know everything and only realize that they don't when it's too late. My parents raised me very well in regards to this matter.
Maybe I'm missing something, but that's just my two cents.
|By Plot93 (Plot93) on Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 07:17 pm: Edit
Well, I graduated from college in 2001 and am now studying for the GRE's, hoping to go to grad school before too long, if things work out well.
Just to add my two cents, there are lots of people in college who are sexually active, but I also knew many who weren't. As a Christian, I knew people who, like me, still believe that sex is something to be reserved for marriage. "No premarital intercourse."
My mother and I never had a talk about sex. The issue somehow never came up. She and the rest of my family weren't Christian, and I didn't agree with them on everything. She actually probably wouldn't have minded if I had become sexually active. I made up my own mind about such matters though and chose the high road.
As a parent, you can let your daughter know where you stand and what your views are, and I think it's a good idea to do so. Ultimately, of course, the choices are up to her.
|By Cheers (Cheers) on Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 09:42 pm: Edit
It's really tough out there, I think. Many more choices, many more gradations.
Here, here. I have boys who talk to me.
Our parents made a big mistake not admitting that times had changed. We shouldn't make the same mistake. Times have changed.
|By Tropicanabanana (Tropicanabanana) on Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:18 pm: Edit
Sex definitely should be (and is) part of an 18 year old's social life.
|By Funchatter (Funchatter) on Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 02:47 am: Edit
Can you elaborate on that?
|By Fenix_Three (Fenix_Three) on Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 03:55 am: Edit
It's one thing to abstain for sex for moral or religious (or both) reasons, but don't tell me that having sex is mutually exclusive of "taking the high road."
Anyways, having sex is not irresponsible, having irresponsible sex is... if you know what I mean. Funchatter, you said that having sex would involve "sacrificing [your] morals," but if sex isn't against my morals, and I am responsible, then why would I think sex was bad? You see, morality is subjective so you won't be able to change my mind on this issue.
As for whether sex should or shouldn't be part of an 18 yo's social life is up to each individual. My best advice is to stay true to your morals and values, act responsibly, and don't go into denial if something "bad" happens. It's always a good idea to think of potential what ifs.
|By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 07:06 am: Edit
As a 50something mom of sons, I found this thread quite interesting. What particularly intrigued me was how many parents apparently feel it's their place to be actively involved in their college-aged children's sex lives.
To me,it is appropriate for college-aged people -- males and females -- to be having sex. I consider college students to be adults, and I consider sex appropriate for adults to be engaging in.
I think it's irresponsible for anyone, regardless of age, to avoid using birth control when they aren't in a position to have children or to have promiscuous sex. However, sex in the context of a loving relationship is IMO fine for consenting adults to have.
My thoughts are, too, that any conversations, education, etc. about sex should have been done long before children go off to college. Giving children information about your family values/morals about sex, love and marriage is something that should start at a very early age.
Just as children should be taught how to take care of their other health matters, they should be taught about birth control, and how to obtain medical treatment for themselves. Even if a college student is not sexually active, they still should know how and when to obtain health checkups.
Certainly college students and older offspring may wish to discuss sexual issues with their parents. However, I think that once a young person is old enough to be off to college, it is not appropriate for the parent to be intruding into their sex life by, for instance, asking whether their child is sexually active.
I do think it's appropriate for the parents to set whatever rules for their child that have to do with the parents' values in their home or in any home that the parent provides for their college student offspring. Thus, if the parent does not want the college student to have sex in the parent's home, the parent has the right to set that rule.
Similarly, if the parent is furnishing the college student with an apartment, it is the parents' right to say that this generosity will not be extended if the student chooses to live with a member of the opposite sex.
I also think that parents have every right to make it clear to their offspring that if the offspring choose to engage in sex, the offspring, not the parent, will be responsible for the consequences, including taking care of any children that result. This is another conversation, however, that needs to be initiated long before offspring go away to college.
I am a parent who hopes that my children wait until they are at least in their mid 20s before marrying. Everything I have experienced, read and seen indicates that people who wait make better marital decisions and are more likely to have good marriages.
Most of the people whom I know who have had longterm happy marriages waited until they were in their mid 20s to marry, and also lived together after college with their partner for a while before marrying, and that partner was the only one that they ever lived with (though typically, they had had sex with other people before meeting their partner).
If my kids follow this kind of path, that will be fine with me.
|By Mom101 (Mom101) on Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 08:49 am: Edit
Bravo Northstarmom.
|By Funchatter (Funchatter) on Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 05:03 pm: Edit
Fenix, I never said that sex was "bad" or that I think you're a bad person for choosing to have sex. What I implied was that for me personally, my morals do not approve of this while at this young age. I am trying to understand why many people do choose this decision and why it is becoming "the norm" so to speak. That's why this thread is interesting to me.
I'm not trying to "change your mind", and I don't see why I would; the same goes for you. I'm just trying to understand your rationale, and hopefully you'd do the same for me.
|By Zenacolleen16 (Zenacolleen16) on Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 06:22 pm: Edit
I don't know why, but as a high school senior I find this conversation very interesting. I know that many young people have posted here stating their reasons for not having sex--school, grades, morals, their futures...etc..I for one do agree with these reasons. However, everything changes when you've been dating a boy for an extended period of time--like a year or sometimes even less. Your mind begins to play games on you, not to mention the pressure these days in relationships. I agree that if your values are strong, then by all means stick to them. I do think that it would be great for parents to tell their kids that they at least have the option to go on birth control. Believe me, it would take the pressure off to know that my parents were behind me 100% no matter what, but I highly doubt that a conversation like this would ever come up because it's supposed to be understood that activities like sex are forbidden.
|By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Sunday, August 08, 2004 - 06:32 pm: Edit
It is a totally different situation to decide that you aren't going to have sex, when you aren't in a serious relationship and there doesn't look to be any in the near future than when you are physically mature, legally an adult and in a relationship with someone that you are mentally close to, emotionally close and want to be physically close as well.
Also if you still decide you want to graduate college a virgin, what does that mean? No sex beyond kissing or everything but ____?
( Not asking for graphic details, just wondered what people considered s-e-x)
|By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Monday, August 09, 2004 - 09:49 am: Edit
I'm glad others are finding this thread interesting/useful -- when I started it, I wondered if I was the only one concerned about these things!
Mom 101 -- I went to a Catholic girls' school myself, and I can tell you there were definitely girls in my HS who were sexually active before graduation (including at least one who was pregnant at graduation). This was in a wealthy school, too, with alum like Maria Shriver. I definitely think a girls' school at middle school age is great for some, and I sent my D to one at that age for some of the reasons you state, but I found that the girls in the class (of 25, so I knew pretty much all of them) were more boy-crazy than the girls she met in 9th grade at a co-ed school.
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|Windows Help > Windows Processes > lsm.exe
lsm.exe - Local Session ManagerThe lsm.exe file is a legitimate Windows component. It is included in the standard OS distribution as of the Vista release. LSM refers to the "Local Session Manager" service, which provides session functions for Windows Terminal Server users.
In Vista, the Terminal Server interface is used for more than just Remote Desktop sessions from remote users as is the case under Windows XP/2003. Local sessions are also considered Terminal Server connections, even when you are logged into the PC at the PC itself. Under Vista all sessions, whether local or remote, are virtualized terminal server sessions.
The lsm.exe process is started by the Wininit process during boot time, and appears to interact with the smss.exe process in order to provide overall session management. This is a critical component of the overall Windows session management subsystem, so attempts to alter or shut down the service may result in an unbootable machine. It is probably impossible to stop this service altogether, as doing so would surely cripple the ability to log into a new session.
There are reports of excessive resource consumption by the lsm.exe process when, for instance, Windows Media Player was in use. The lsm.exe process consumed many file handles and memory under certain conditions. A patch was issued by Microsoft to address this problem.
No reports have been received regarding lsm.exe as a vector for viruses or other malware, but users should always be aware that virus authors often hijack legitimate Windows file names when distributing malware. The official copy of this file can be found in the c:\windows\system32 directory. Other copies should be inspected closely and the machine scanned to determine if a virus has been loaded.
As always, if you suspect a malware infestation you should download and run a current copy of an antivirus/malware scanner in order to isolate and remove the offending application. Be sure to obtain the most recent definition files, since these are critical to the removal of current malware variants.
|Copyright © 2008 WindowsHelp.net All rights reserved | Privacy Policy | Contact us at infowindowshelp.net


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Following are the holes-in-one published in The Post-Standard on July 9, 2009:
Laura Donovan, June 26, at the 146-yard 2nd hole at Oswego Country Club, using a 5-iron. Witnessed by Tim Donovan.
Andy Fiorini, June 29, at the 110-yard 11th hole at Casolwood Golf Course, using a pitching wedge. Witnessed by Kevin Gardner, Dave Bacon and Mark Galton.
Jack Bubb, July 2, at the 192-yard 11th hole at Cazenovia Country Club, using a driver. Witnessed by Steve Whiton, Al Pavese and Dick Schlote.
Dennis Russell, July 3, at the 153-yard 14th hole at Dutch Hollow, using a 7-iron. Witnessed by Kim Russell, Dan Maricle and Chris McMillan.
Tim Byrnes, July 3, at the 192-yard 11th hole at Colgate University Seven Oaks, using a 5-iron. Witnessed by Phil George, Drew Caprio and Scott Dinski.
Joan Naton, July 3, at the 151-yard 2nd hole at Tuscarora Golf Club, using a 4-wood for her sixth career ace. Witnessed by Nancy Spaulding, Mary Ann Griffin and Mary Ellen Anastasi.
Josh Brundage, July 3, at the 181-yard 3rd hole at Millstone Golf Course, using a 6-iron. Witnessed by Kevin Casler, Marty Byrne and Anthony Mattie.
Edward Bonacci Jr., July 4, at the 130-yard 2nd hole at Liverpool Golf & Public Country Club. The 72-year-old used a 7-iron. Witnessed by Don Haag Jr., Jeff Bonacci, Eddie Bonacci and John Eallonardo.
Frank Politano, July 4, at the 190-yard 17th hole at Greenview Golf Course, using a driver. Witnessed by Charles Clark.
Steve Fudali, July 4, at the 200-yard 17th hole at Kanon Valley, using a driver. Witnessed by Ken Gravante, Steve Morgan and Don Burnell.
Aaron Iddings, July 5, at the 161-yard 16th hole at Pine Grove. The 15-year-old used a 3-wood. Witnessed by Rich Iddings.
Sonny Rousell, July 5, at the 176-yard 3rd hole at Woodcrest Golf Course, using a 9-iron. Witnessed by Charles Hodge, Jason Hodge and Joe Gorman.
Mike Cronin, July 5, at the 173-yard 13th hole at the Pompey Club, using a hybrid club. Witnessed by Gary Radford, Vern Doctor and Dave Ferrelli.
Gerrard Connolly, July 6, at the 125-yard 8th hole at Tanner Valley, using a pitching wedge. Witnessed by John Taylor Jr.
Terry Mathewson, July 7, at th 115-yard 8th hole at Lyndon Golf Course, using a pitching wedge. Witnessed by Pete Poirier and Mike Green.
Marilyn Magner, July 7, at the 125-yard 12th hole at Oswego Country Club, using a 9-wood. Witnessed by Mary Lisk and Elaine Chillson.
Chris Perry, July 7, at the 111-yard 16th hole at Westvale Golf Club, using a 5-wood. Witnessed by Gail Calloway, Paul Zimmerman and Leslie Zimmerman.
Note: Will the parents of Cory Hebert, who made an ace July 8 at TigerLinks, please call golf reporter Chris Wagner at 470-3036.
Shoot your age
Ed Krickovich, July 4, shot a 4-under-par 67 at Highland Park, bettering his age by two strokes. He had 15 pars, two birdies and one eagle in the bogey-free round. Witnessed by Bob Mitchell, Jack Weinerth and Rick Lesch.
Attention club pros and course operators: To report a hole-in-one, double-eagle or shoot your age to The Post-Standard, please e-mail the information to golf reporter Chris Wagner at firstname.lastname@example.com with a copy sent to email@example.com. E-mails are preferred, but if you fax the information to 470-3019, please be sure to print legibly.
Chris Wagner


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It was another day in paradise for UAB's pitching staff.
The Blazers recorded their second straight 1-0 shutout of No. 29 FIU on Saturday at Young Memorial Field.
Alex Luna, Cory Eller and Turner Lee combined for the shutout on Saturday, holding FIU to just six hits. Chase Mallard fired a 4-hit shutout on Friday.
"It is good, but this league is so competitive," UAB head coach Brian Shoop said in a release. "You look at the scores and I think this league is going to come down to the last game and tie-breakers. Every win you get is precious when you get them. I'm grateful for this day and we will be back after it tomorrow."
FIU entered the series ranked No. 1 in most Conference USA hitting and pitching categories.
UAB improved to 19-8, 6-2 in Conference USA play, while FIU dropped to 21-6, 6-5.
Luna gave up just six hits, striking out four, and improved to 5-0. He pitched around four Blazer errors. Luna's ERA is now 0.84.
UAB shortstop Adam Smith went 2-for-3 with an RBI single in the third for the game's only run.
UAB, winners of four straight Conference USA series dating back to last season, goes for the sweep on Sunday at noon at Young Memorial Field


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USA 'Animals' Bond in Toronto, Dominate Canada
Previous blog posts: July 15 | July 14 | July 13 | July 10
Our trip to Toronto on Monday allowed us to explore some of the great sights the city has to offer. Our first stop was the base of the CN Tower. After a 56 second trip we had zoomed 346 meters to the top! Midfielder Katie Schwarzmann was the MVP of the excursion, conquering her fear of heights to check out the view from the top.
After snapping some pictures and enjoying spectacular views of Lake Ontario, we made our way back down the tower. We then headed over to the Distillery District in historic Old Town Toronto. Walking through the cobblestone streets and brick buildings put you back in time, and we really enjoyed the atmosphere.
We had a great dinner at an active brewery; team meals are one of the best parts of our time together, giving us an opportunity to build our friendships off the field. The bus ride home was spent guessing what animal each player on the team would be. Some favorites were: Amber Falcone as a puppy, Lindsay Munday as a dolphin, Meg Huether as a sheep, and Ally Carey as a lion. I think our pack can take on anything that comes our way with that variety!
Tuesday was back to game day. We had almost another full day to get through, with an 8 p.m. start time against Canada. After a team meeting and meal, it was back to the dorm, where Sarah Albrecht's old school jams got us game ready.
Transition defense and defensive stands dictated the game for us, as we held Canada to only two goals. It was the strongest 60 minutes we have played thus far. The win earned us the number one seed going into championship play, and the team was fired up.
We have another off day Wednesday, and most girls are visiting with family and friends and preparing our bodies for the next few days. On Thursday afternoon we will play the winner of the play in game between Haudenosaunee and Ireland. This next stage in the tournament is what we have been working for — it's playoff time!
Stars & Stripes Forever,
Sarah and Holly
Learn more about your bloggers at US Lacrosse's Team USA Homepage - now with player introduction videos!: Holly McGarvie-Reilly | Sarah Bullard
The FIL World Championships continue through July 20th in Oshawa, Ontario. Games are available for streaming at http://tournaments.neulion.com/tournaments/ (Note: Individual games can be watched for $5, or the entire tournament can be purchased for $75)


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Hello everyone, I have joined these forums because I was in search of a place better than Nintendo NSider and their evil no friend code sharing rules. I am the proud owner of a Nintendo DS (phat) and a Wii. Some of my favorite game series are Metroid, Pikmin, Paper Mario, Zelda.... just to name a few. My most anticipated Wii game is definitely SSBB with MP3:C in a close second.
So uh.... hi!
Spoiler Alert!@TNightsOfGaming - My inane prattle
Heyy there welcome to the forums dude
Hope to see ya posting around
Be sure to check out the FAQs and the Forum Rules and make sure ya use the rep button located next to the online/offline bit
hey ! WELCOME! there is friend code sharing here, though i tend not to add people i dont know


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Friday, 8 May 2009
Further to Esmerelda's post about honours, The Times has this:
The ruling by the Privy Council highlights just one potential absurdity in a system that is built on anachronism. Most Excellent Order of the
Five years ago a committee of MPs recommended a pretty radical overhaul of the system. Knighthoods and damehoods should go, they said, because they are associated with "rank and class", and the Order of the
How drab. It is only when one starts considering the alternatives to the current arrangement that it becomes apparent that, however flawed it may be, anything is preferable to a system of honours that has all the magic of a PR handout and whose only distinguishing characteristic is a desire not to offend.
How about CBTQ - Companion of British Total Quality; or BCD - British Customer Delight; or BBP - Best British Practices? But, as the article points out, even this levelling down doesn't go far enough:
And, anyway, what is wrong with a bit of history? If we rename our honours now, we will only have to rename them again in a century or so when some attention-seeker decides that the Order of British Excellence is elitist, or discriminatory, or just too British.
Posted on 05/08/2009 9:03 AM by Mary Jackson
8 May 2009
Hugh Fitzgerald
The very idea of "excellence" is elitist, and therefore must go. We are all equally excellent. Or, if we are not all equally excellent, then something is wrong with The System, and The System then must be changed, and changed, and changed again, until we are all, as of course nature fully meant us to be, Equally Excellent.


text:
Pigs. And big media is just as disgusting. They defecate on the American people daily. The Tea Party was/is a genuine, organic, distinctly American movement that was defamed, libeled and smeared. Patriots came out by the millions to stand against the coup in the Beltway. The media refused to cover it, and when they did it was to destroy it. Not one arrest, not one.
But this movement (this bowel movement) is pure theater concocted by the Soros/Obama machine, and it is covered by big media with respect and gravitas. The elites and the ruling poltical class have declared war on the American people.
Stinking up Wall Street: Protesters accused of living in filth as shocking pictures show one demonstrator defecating on a POLICE CAR Daily Mail
These are the shocking scenes that have led some people to accuse the Occupy Wall Street protesters living rough in New York's financial district of creating unsanitary and filthy conditions.
Exclusive pictures obtained by Mail Online show one demonstrator relieving himself on a police car.
Elsewhere we found piles of stinking refuse clogging Zuccotti Park, despite the best efforts of many of the protesters to keep the area clean.
The shocking images demonstrate the extent to which conditions have deteriorated as demonstrations in downtown Manhattan enter their fourth week. Further pictures seen by Mail Online have been censored, as we deemed them too graphic to show
Raw sewer: An unidentified man seen defecates on a NYPD patrol car in downtown Manhattan
Smelly: Trash builds up at the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations
According to eye witnesses, when people ran to tell nearby police about the man defecating on the squad car they were ignored.
Standing downwind of the piles of rubbish, bankers walking past the man did a double take before hurrying away.
Brookfield Office Properties, which owns Zuccotti Park, the site of the New York demonstration, have already railed against protesters, who they claim are creating sanitation problems.
Read the rest here.
They are fighting for their rights -- to partay! The Occupy Wall Street protest has drawn an unwelcome crowd of freeloaders who joined the movement for the sex, drugs and free food -- and they are blending right in. The opportunists -- ranging... 7:17 AM
Previously at Atlas: "Eat the Rich"
Calling All the Dregs of the Earth #occupywallstreet
Muslim Community Supports "Occupy Wall Street" Destroyers


text:
Submit News
NTP Brings Palm to Court
Tuan Nguyen
November 8, 2006 1:23 AM
Recipient E-mail
Sender E-mail
Patent infrigement lawsuits continue. Palm says NTP is dubious
It's been several months since we've heard much about NTP, the patent holding company that took mobile communications giant Research in Motion to court. Now
NTP is back and it's bringing Palm along for the legal ride
. Monday this week, NTP filed a patent infringement lawsuit against Palm over handheld products that provide email services through a wireless network. Not only this, NTP told reporters that it is targeting and will continue to target companies providing similar services and products as RIM and Palm.
RIM earlier this year went through a long drawn-out legal battle with NTP,
resulting in RIM having to pay roughly $600 million to NTP
. Because of this, many spoke out against NTP, claiming that NTP was merely a patent holding company sitting on dated patents with no intent to produce real products but rather to abuse the legal system to gain financially from other companies. Interestingly, Palm released a statement indicating similar thoughts and in fact some details about the US Trademark and Patent Office (PTO) rejecting NTP patents.
According to Palm,
many of NTP's patents have been rejected as invalid by the PTO
, indicating that there was no real value in the patents or that they were too vague and or common. Palm said in a statement:
The NTP lawsuit claims that certain Palm products infringe seven NTP patents. All seven of the patents asserted are being re-examined by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (PTO) and have been rejected by the re-examiners as invalid. Palm also noted that the NTP patents disclose a pager-based email service that has nothing in common with the mobile-computing devices invented by Palm.
It also appears that many of the patents that NTP is suing Palm over, are also under re-examination by the PTO. Palm called the NTP patents "dubious patents" and stated that it would defend itself vigorously.
Palm has been in occasional contact with NTP concerning a license to these patents. When Palm last communicated with NTP many months ago, however, each of the patents already was the subject of re-examination proceedings by the PTO. Palm is disappointed that, after many months of silence and repeated rejections of NTP's claims by the PTO, NTP has chosen to sue on patents of doubtful validity.
previously reported that Palm and Microsoft agreed to work together on future Palm products. Many of Palm's new products are being introduced with Microsoft's Windows Mobile operating system. The situation now appears to be that Microsoft's own products will be affected by NTP's lawsuite against Palm --
analysts are fairly certain that Microsoft will be taking its own stance on NTP
. The software giant is pushing its own wireless email system that competes with RIM.
While current details are sparse, many analysts are also expecting Visto Corp. to come out and take a shot at Palm as well.
Visto last took RIM to court for patent infringement
after things were done with NTP. Interestingly, NTP is part owner of Visto.
"If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion." -- Scientology founder L. Ron. Hubbard
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Lion Brand's New Fall Collection: 15 Free Crochet Scarf Patterns, Afghan Patterns, and More
Bonus: Get our newsletter & special offers for free. We will not share or sell your email address. View our Privacy Policy
Bernat Premium Yarn
We are adding the pattern to your Crochet Patterns.
The pattern was added to your Crochet Patterns.
Click here to view your Crochet Patterns.
Bernat Premium Yarn
Gifted By: Bernat
Reviewed By: Christine Weiher, Editor for AllFreeCrochet.com
Bernat Premium Yarn is probably one of the softest yarns I have ever felt. I would love to be wrapped up in this during the winter because I know it would keep me nice and warm. Premium is a knitting worsted weight yarn that is machine washable and dryable.
Each skein comes with a free pattern, as do most skeins of yarn. Some great crochet patterns you can make with this soft yarn are afghans and bulky sweaters or wraps. Even though it's only a worsted weight yarn, I think of it as a bulky yarn because it's just so warm! If you use brighter colors other than this orchid and dark green you can probably make some really cute spring and summer patterns. This Flower Necklace would look great in bright spring colors.
Don't miss out on this great yarn. You haven't experienced soft yarn until you try Bernat Premium!
Shop for Bernat worsted weight yarn here at our online store, CutRateCrafts.
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poppyatpuppy9 8908 192
May 07, 2015
For the Bernat Premium Yarn. I can only find it at Walmart in limited colours and number of balls of each colour. It is a superior yarn and the price point is perfect. I would love to have a factory direct option even if it meant ordering on line. I will pay postage. I would like to see a listing of all the colours available. I see that people have been posting here with the same issues for 3 years. I would love to get some answers. Can anyone help please. Thanks in advance.
jscushy 7624567
Mar 24, 2014
This yarn seems to only be available at Wal Mart At my location they are usually out of stock . Bummer
Dec 07, 2012
December 8, 2012... I have been looking for the Bernat Premium yarn and was able to get 2 balls of white and 2 balls of black. There was nothing else on the shelves. Wow this stuff is so nice and Bernat better get on this one. Compared to other worsted weight yarns in retail stores this is so soft. The others are very coarse and rough. If you have any information, please let me know....Greta
Crafter 14515
Aug 02, 2012
August 2, 2012.... I agree with you 100% about the Bernat Premium yarn. It is soooo soft. The problem is "Where do you purchase it other than Walmart which is very limited in it's yarn stock?" I contacted Bernat and was told about 4 months ago that the Premium yarn was made special for Walmart and that Walmart might be able to order it for you since Bernat still has it in their stock but has not yet determined whether it will continue to be sold at Walmart. I don't know why Bernat can't sell it or one of the craft catalogs but that's what I was told. When I contacted our local Walmart they had very little information for me and no color chart to refer to. They also were vague in their price. I wish it could be ordered on-line somewhere. The times I've been to Walmart to see if they had the Premium yarn in stock, the shelves were empty and I'm not going to order from Walmart without knowing the colors. So give Walmart a try. Maybe your Walmart is more heavily stocked with yarn than mine..... Sue
Feb 11, 2014
I agree.. Walmart has such limited stock and I need some premium to finish a project ..anybody able to get it anywhere else? Val, BC Canada
Jul 08, 2012
where do i find this yarn? is there a website that sells it? there was only 1 store around me that sold it and i found out today that they stopped selling it :( it is the best and i cant find it anywhere.
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- Haute Honey is a glistening warm champagne gold
- Tawni Taupe is a shimmering frosted taupe with gold shimmer and slight olive tones
- Montgomery Mauve is a mauve reddish purple
- Bethesda Brown is a deep brown with gold flecks
Many have been asking if I will order Dustin's new kit from Bergdorfs (see preview on Messy Wands). I'm still undecided. That rust-shade scares me but every NY girl tells me it warms up the look wonderfully. I'm still not sold ... yet.


text:
Posts Tagged 'portofino'
Whine and SpiritsCHOW, BABY
The folks at Portofino Italian Grill (6115 Camp Bowie Blvd.) need an exorcist, fast. When you make the decision to open yet another eatery in a location where the ghosts of several other joints are still hovering, the new place...
Turn-a-lotEven road construction can't stop Portofino's operatic highs.
Jimmy Fowler
There's a tall, twinkling Christmas tree in the middle of the dimly lit dining room of Portofino Ristorante in Arlington.


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Auburn, NY -- There's no room for couch potatoes in Auburn this weekend where an antique car show and the 36th running of the Great Race will draw thousands to the city.
The Finger Lakes Region Antique Automobile Club of America will park in downtown Auburn on South and Genesee streets for a car show from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday.
Then Sunday morning dawns with the beginning of The Great Race.
As of Friday morning 512 teams of two, three or four members have entered The Capt. Myles Keogh Paddle, Wheel, & Run, otherwise known as The Great Race. The 36th annual event begins at 9: 30 a.m. at Emerson Park on the shores of Owasco Lake.
Team members tag off in the triathlon relay event featuring a run, bike and canoe or kayak on the lake. You won't have to wait long to see how your friends and family did. Syracuse.com will post the results that day, while a limited version of results will be printed in Monday's Post-Standard.
Competitors have until the morning of the event to register and organizers expect about 550 teams to participate.
One quirk of the race are the team names. Tell us your quirky team name by posting below or email Charley Hannagan at email@example.com.
Contact Charley Hannagan by voice or text at 315-470-2161, by email at firstname.lastname@example.com, on Facebook at Neighbors West or on Twitter @charleypost.


text:
Monthly Archives: May 2008
Sitka ZENN driver paves way for state medium-speed law
A Sitka resident's efforts to register her electric car may lead to a change in state law. About three months ago KCAW's Robert Woolsey took a spin with Megan Pasternak in her new ZENN car when it arrived in Sitka. Although the ZENN, or Zero Emmission No Noise vehicle, was equipped to travel at speeds up to 35 miles per hour, Pasternak has had to settle for a much less convenient 25 miles per hour in order to get the ZENN registered. Pasternak believes Alaska should join two other states in paving the way for medium-speed cars.
Acrimony high as assembly balances '09 budget
The '09 budget for the City of Sitka is balanced – after some determined cutting on the part of both the assembly and the city administrator. The assembly entered the budget process with a deficit in the general fund of about $4-hundred thousand dollars. Over the course of three special meetings in May, the assembly worked to close that gap, but ended up divided over their role in the process.
Celebrity chef, editor wild about salmon
The Food Network's Alton Brown, and Bon Appetit food editor Kristine Kidd spent an afternoon (5-22-08) trolling for kings in Sitka Sound, and touring the Seafood Producer's Coop. Both say they plan to promote Alaskan salmon to their audiences.
Alaska Outdoor Council calls for reconsideration of Sitka's rural subsistence priority
Sitka's rural status may be in jeopardy, again. Under federal law, rural communities in Alaska have a subsistence priority in the management of wild resources. But for communities or areas that straddle the eligibility requirements, that priority is up for review every ten years. The Federal Subsistence Board held its last decennial review in 2006. At that time, Sitka narrowly retained its rural designation. The Alaska Outdoor Council is calling that decision into question. The Council last year appealed the Board's ruling. That appeal is now up for review.
Postcard: Blatchley scientists work on stream restoration
With the help of seventh-grade science students in Brenda Papoi's class at Blatchley middle school, resource specialists in the Sitka Ranger District are beginning to study ways to rebuild the Starrigavan watershed, to once again allow fish and other species to thrive. The students spent a morning last week (Wed 5-14-08) gathering baseline data on the insects, stream bed, water quality, and forest in the valley – information that will benefit resource managers for decades to come. An audio postcard by student reporter Sage Saunders.
Takatz hydro key to Sitka's energy future?
The Takatz Lake hydro project is back on the table for Sitka. The Sitka assembly met Wednesday evening (5-21-08) to discuss next year's budget for the electrical department, but it may as well have been the first meeting of a local, sustainable energy task force. The discussion of the day-to-day costs of operating the electric utility took a back seat to planning for the day when Sitka is almost completely powered by electricity.
House candidates outline views in Petersburg
The declared candidates for the House District 2 seat currently held by Peggy Wilson met for the first time together in an on-air forum last week in Petersburg. The forum, hosted by public radio station KFSK, was part of the community's Little Norway Festival. Robert Woolsey prepared this look at some of the issues the candidates addressed during the program.
New book adds Tlingit perspective to historic Sitka battles
Two of Southeast Alaska's leading cultural historians, Richard and Nora Marks Dauenhauer, have published a new book about the battle for Sitka. The book documents the events leading up to the battles of 1802 and 1804, which took place at sites now known as "Old Sitka" (in Starrigavan Bay) and Sitka National Historical Park. The little-understood episode was last major conflict between North American Natives and a colonizing European power.
New technique may save released rockfish
Scientists in the lower 48 say they've found a way to help increase the survival of released rockfish. It's called re-compression, and it could mean the difference between life and death for innumerable fish. Two researchers recently presented their findings to sport and charter fishermen in Sitka. They, and at least one Sitka scientist, hope the technique will catch on in Alaska. The presentation was co-sponsored by the Alaska Conservation Foundation, the Sitka Conservation Society, and the Sitka Marine Stewardship Roundtable.
Sitkans press AMHS officials for improved winter schedule
Representatives from Sitka went into a full-court press to try and win better ferry service for the community next winter, but received little in the way of assurances from state marine transportation officials. The department of transportation held a one-and-a-half hour teleconference this morning (Thu 5-15-08) on the proposed 2008 fall/winter schedule for Southeast Alaska. Testimony from Sitka dominated the proceedings.


text:
EARTHblog » Calvin Tillman
By Calvin Tillman
April 25, 2013
While boarding my flight at DFW to the Gasland 2 premiere in New York City, I can not help but reflect on the last eight years, and how it came to be that I would be a part of a film that would make such a huge impact around the world. How is it that a small town boy from Oklahoma, a welder's son, would be invited to a movie premiere in the big apple?
I reflect further back to my roots of growing up in a small Oklahoma oil boom town, and the strange journey that my life has taken after graduating from the Oilton, OK High School. My mind drifts back to my childhood and helping my father, who would work on the oil well pump jacks for extra money, which became some of my earliest memories. How did I go from growing up in an oil field to becoming one of the oil and gas industry's largest critics?
Tagged with: fracking, gasland


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It's time the right stopped sitting in the bleachers praying that this coup resolves itself in November. Obama is a traitor. The uber-left delivered a saboteur. His betrayal of the American people on an open mic was historic. Obama assured Russian President Dmitry Medvedev that after the election he would be able to betray America and the American people, free of the constraints of public opinion or approval.
The enemedia is worse than Pravda at its most powerful. Everyone knew Pravda was state-run. The American enemedia is voluntary state propaganda. We have to demand action against the enemy in the White House. America and the free world's future hangs in the balance.
AFDI/SIOA Calls for Congressional Inquiry on Obama's Sabotage of Israel's Defense Against Iran Yahoo News
NEW YORK, March 30, 2012 / Christian Newswire/ -- A prominent national human rights organization is calling for Congress to open an inquiry into allegations that Barack Obama has leaked information to the press in order to pressure Israel into not defending itself against Iran's nuclear program.
he American Freedom Defense Initiative (AFDI) and its Stop Islamization of America (SIOA) program deplored reports that Obama was moving to prevent Israel from acting in its own defense. ABC News reported Thursday: "Two reports today about Iran's nuclear program and the possibility of an Israeli military strike have analysts in Israel accusing the Obama administration leaking information to pressure Israel not to bomb Iran and for Iran to reach a compromise in upcoming nuclear talks."
AFDI/SIOA Executive Director Pamela Geller said in a statement: "Obama's policies compromise American security. Iran is clearly a threat to America. They have been at war with us since 1979. Israel was willing to do the heavy lifting because our reckless and feckless president was too weak, too compromised. But to betray an ally like this? This leak is part of an ongoing campaign to thwart Israeli defense strategy against the Iranian genocidal threat."
AFDI/SIOA Associate Director Robert Spencer: "We call on patriotic members of Congress who respect Israel as America's most reliable ally in the Middle East to launch an immediate full-scale investigation into Obama's efforts to undermine Israel's security, and the larger implications of those efforts for our own national security."


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