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Chocolate Diapers has a new home as part of ChicagoNow, the Chicago Tribune's community site for bloggers. Same content, different look.
Chocolate Diapers has a new home as part of ChicagoNow, the Chicago Tribune's community site for bloggers. Same content, different look.
Last week was a big week for my five-year-old son. He started kindergarten, thus embarking on his public school experience. I remember kindergarten. It was actually a formative year for me. Plus I met my oldest friend.
We are fortunate to live in a great school district that prepares parents and students for the school year. We attended orientations and were invited into our son's classroom to meet his teacher.
I picked him up after his first day and peppered him with questions, not taking into account that he'd had a long day.
"So," I said like a bumbling fool, "Tell me about your first day!! Did you learn anything new?!?!? Did you make any friends?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"It was good," was all he said, like a ball-scratching, too cool for school teenager.
My wife asked him similar questions as soon as he walked in the door. Before he could put down his backpack, relatives were already calling. He continued with one, two and three-word responses. It finally registered that he was tired, and we let him be and retreat behind his iPod.
We tried engaging him again during dinner.
"What was your favorite thing you did today?"
He took a bite of watermelon."I smoked a cigarette."
He does this to get a rise out of us. Apparently, he's been a smoker for some time, but I didn't bat an eye. "Really? Did it make you cough?"
"Yeah. Dad, were you 20 when you smoked a cigarette?"
"Was it gross? Did it make you choke?"
"It was and it did. My throat hurt for a month. It was a dumb thing to do."
We've had this conversation before, and none of the above is true. I smoked a cigarette when I was 15, and I enjoyed it. I liked the smell of the smoke and the buzz caused by the nicotine. I felt cool doing it. Luckily, I didn't continue.
"I also tried a cigarette at Papa and Grandma's," he continued.
"Was it before or after dinner?" I asked.
"So you had two cigarettes."
"Yes. I literally had two cigarettes."
"Did Papa and Grandma have any?"
"Nope. Just me."
"Why didn't you share?"
"They don't like cigarettes."
We tabled the cigarette talk and picked it up a few days later after school. He opened his Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack and yanked out some drawings. The first was a depiction of a hockey game between the Chicago Blackhawks and the alternate universe Cincinnati Dragons. The second was a basketball game somehow pitting the Miami Heat against the San Jose Sharks. Then he showed us this one.
"Ooh, what's that a picture of?" we asked.
"This is a picture of people in a movie theater. And they're watching Django Unchained."
From there, he continued to layout his tobacco plan. He's a social smoker, yes, but unbeknownst to us, our son is also the founder and CEO of something called the Five-Hour Cigarette.
"But I don't smoke them," he assured us.
"Oh good," I said. "That makes me feel much better about your regular cigarette habit."
Evidently, his imaginary friend and guinea pig, Brian, smokes them. He's also a silent partner. I asked how business was going.
"Not so good," my son answered.
"I was talking to Brian."
"Well Brian smokes like ten five-hour cigarettes in one day!" He shouted proudly about this phantom.
"No he doesn't."
"Oh yes he does."
"The most he could smoke is four-and-a-half because there's 24 hours in a day."
"Well he smokes ten. I saw him do it."
"Why do you keep talking about cigarettes?"
"Because I love them."
"Are you interested in e-cigarettes? They're better for you. There's no tobacco, just nicotine. Nicotine's highly addictive and not the best thing for you, don't get me wrong. But still, there's no carcinogens, and vapor beats smoke any day. It's a classic example of a new technology disrupting an existing industry."
"I want to kick you in the balls."
"Hey, I know you're just joking about cigarettes. But for real, if you ever smoked one, you would be in so much trouble, okay? Do you understand?"
"Penis. Butt. Vomit."
Ah, the voice of reason.
The baby is sick, and it sucks because he's in discomfort. When he's in discomfort, he doesn't sleep well, which means we don't sleep well. I'd be fine with him suffering in silence, but it's never that easy is it?
He's either congested or flowing from his nose. He gets his snot everywhere: his cheeks, his clothes, his food, and on my hairless arms. When he laughs, he makes snot bubbles. Shame on him.
I prefer a runny nose because as messy as it is, the poison is coming out, and one wipe of a tissue makes cleanup easy. So the problem kind of resolves itself.
But when he's stuffed up, it's much harder because he obviously doesn't know how to blow his nose. That means either my wife or I need to go in there and extract his mucus. Don't feel bad for us though because we use a "nasal aspirator" to do this. That name, "nasal aspirator", implies that the multi-billion dollar medical devices industry combined with the aid of modern medicine clearly has streamlined an efficient gadget to make this thankless and disgusting job easy. Right? I mean, the 2013 "nasal aspirator" must be an off-the-shelf solution equipped with a button you press that siphons the boogers out within seconds. Mustn't it?
Instead, we must enter our son's nose with this. BEHOLD:
This is what they call a "nasal aspirator." Funny, because if I didn't know any FUCKING better, I'd swear this were the world's bluest micro-phallus attached to a severely gonorrhead uni-ball. And it works just as effectively, so I will call it what it is: The World's Bluest Micro-Phallus Attached to a Severely Gonorrhead Uni-Ball. Or Bluest Micro-Phallus for short.
When I use the Bluest Micro-Phallus, I—and I'm sure everyone else must do this—need an extra set of hands to tie down the baby's arms and lock his head, because go figure, he doesn't want the Goddamn Bluest Micro-Phallus shoved up his nose. Once we've got him good and constrained, and while the claustrophobia is blowing his mind, I squeeze the gonorrhead uni-ball to create suction to hopefully capture the plugged up snot. If I'm lucky, I get about 20 good seconds in and remove say…mmm…eight percent of the build-up.
Really, the best way to use the Bluest Micro-Phallus is to throw it in the motherfucking garbage, wait for the cold to develop into an ear infection, shell out $20 for the pediatrician co-pay and another $10 for the generic Amoxicillin that will kill the infection within 18 hours, rendering your baby as good as new.
I asked my doctor friends about alternatives, and the conversation went like this:
Me: As I'm sure you must agree, the World's Bluest Micro-Phallus is just completely inept.
Doctor Friend: The what?
Me: Sorry. The "nasal aspirator." Of the tens of thousands of other more efficient products out there, can you name like five?
Doctor Friend: Unfortunately, this is the best that's out there. It's what they use in hospitals.
Me: You mean hospitals in Port Au Prince, not America, the greatest country in the world.
Doctor Friend: Sorry man, I can't recommend anything else.
Me: Go fuck yourself, DOCTOR.
Doctor Friend: CLICK
Me: Hello? Hey! I was just kidding!
A non-doctor friend offered an alternative called the Nosefrida. I had to know why it's called that, so I Googled "frida" figuring it would be some medical root, suffix, prefix or affix relating to the nose, but instead I saw a bunch of images of Frida Kalo's unibrowe. Evidently, Nosefrida is just a stupid name for a stupider product than the Bluest Micro-Phallus.
The picture says it all, and all that it says is what's utterly wrong about the Nosefrida. You are instructed to put one end of one tube to your mouth and the other in the baby's nose. Then you suck the snot out. With. Your. Mouth.
In its own words, "Nosefrida The Snotsucker Nasal Aspirator is an easy, natural way to keep baby snot free. Just use your own suction to draw mucus out of the "baby's nose. The disposable filters prevent any bacterial transfer…"
A disposable filter doesn't make me feel any better. Put a softball in that tube between my mouth and the baby's nose smoothie, and I'm still not doing it. I'll stick with my friend, Emperor Bluest Micro-Phallus Maximus.
How is it possible that this is the best we have to offer? Labs are bio-printing ears, fingers, and organs for instant transplanting. There is a pill that can make you ejaculate farther. We have to do better than this.
Get to work, doctor friends.
Apparently, my five-year-old son knows everything. Except he doesn't.
I'm not calling him a liar; he just likes to say things that are complete bullshit. It's nothing egregious, mind you. He's not publicly denying injecting himself with steroids or spreading STD's at his day camp. His untruths are benign and have no negative impact on society. However, I do get caught up in them, and I make it my business to call him out.
For example, he wanted yams for dinner the other night, just like the ones we had two nights before. We have more, he said, so he would like them. There were two problems here. Number one, we had sweet potatoes, not yams. Number two, we had none left. I addressed these items in this order while driving in the car.
Item 1
"A yam is a sweet potato," he insisted.
"It's like a sweet potato," I said, "but it's not the same thing."
"It is the same thing."
"They look the same and taste the same, but I'm telling you, they are physically different things."
"No they're not."
I sighed. "Okay Jake, you're right. They're not. You know everything."
"Are you joking?"
That is his way of asking if I am being sarcastic. "Yes. I am joking."
"What's different?"
I couldn't answer that, so I launched Wikipedia on my phone, driving slightly off-road.
"Babba. A derrra babba babba," the baby had to say.
"Daddy, what's different?"
The page finally loaded, and I l glanced at a table of differences between the two.
"Ah hah! Sweet potatoes have more beta carotene than yams."
"What's betacreeetin?"
"It's, it's, a vitamin, and if you have too much, you can turn orange."
Item 2
"Well whatever," he said. "I want to have sweet potatoes tonight."
"Sorry dude, but we don't have anymore."
"Yes we do."
"No we don't."
"They're in the bottom of the fridge."
I sighed again. Why do I do this with him? Because I want to win. "If we had sweet potatoes or yams, they'd be in the bottom of the fridge. But we don't, so they're not."
"They are there."
"Da da da da da da. Derr dra."
"Is it possible that you hallucinated?"
"What does that mean?"
"It's when you see things that aren't real. I hear it happens during an acid trip."
"I did not hallucinate."
"Okay. When we get home, and I show you that there aren't any, I shall be declared Supreme Ruler of the Galaxy, and you will be my subject."
He strutted to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. I stood over him with my hands on my hips and my chin jutting out. I hooked the baby with my foot to keep him from entering the fridge. He closed the door.
"We don't have sweet potatoes."
I shot my arms up. "I AM SUPREME RULER OF THE GALAXY!!!!"
We had a similar experience on a recent Sunday morning, though the topic of debate was roadkill, not starch. I took the kids for a walk. I pushed the baby in the stroller while the five-year-old rode his bike. It was pretty routine–the five-year-old and I exchanged pleasantries, and I reminded him to stay to the right and keep both hands on his handlebars. I wasn't prepared for what he had to say next.
"Are we going to see the dead baby lion?"
"What dead baby lion?"
"The dead baby lion what was on the street last time."
"Oh you mean the smushed possum? They probably cleaned it up."
"No, I mean the dead baby lion."
"It wasn't a baby lion."
"Yeah it was. It had a tail."
"There are a lot of animals with tails that aren't necessarily lions."
"Well, it was a lion. I saw it. Okay!"
His eyes grew wide, and he was getting upset.
"Okay. You're right. There was a dead baby lion."
"Well do you know what happened to him?"
"When there are dead animals, the workers come and clean them up." I could have left it alone, but I couldn't help myself. "Poor dead baby lion. First he gets uprooted from Africa, separated from his pride and brought here. He doesn't land anywhere cool in the city like Old Town, Wrigleyville or Ukranian Village. He winds up here in Northbrook. Or maybe he did, and he got chased out. And then after all his turmoil he gets run over."
"I want to go to Africa."
"I don't think you do."
"Why not?"
"It's not really your scene."
"Have you been to Africa?"
"Why not?"
"Because Mommy and I went to Paris instead."
"Well for one our chances of getting macheted in Paris were far less."
"What does macheted mean?"
"A machete is like a sword."
"There's a lot of them in Africa."
"Oh I'm definitely going to Africa!"
"Make sure you bring your yams and a dead baby lion."
"Are you joking?"
"Yes Duder, I am."
We shouldn't bathe babies. Too many things can go wrong. It's like going to a shooting range drunk (It's the exact same thing!) There's way too much downside. You can shoot your finger off or worse, shoot yourself in the face. What's the best possible outcome? You get lucky and leave not dead, maimed, mutilated nor disfigured.
When you give a baby a bath, you are inviting danger. Let's see. He could like DROWN. That's it. No need to go on. I could stop here, but let's consider the other possibilities. Let's play some Family Feud.
Top four accidents that could occur while giving your baby a bath! Survey says!!
Best case scenario: none of these things happen, and you have a clean baby that smells like fresh laundry. High risk, low reward. I'd rather have a filthy baby than a dead one. All you need to do is, on occasion, change his diapers and his clothes. If he smells, he smells. The homeless smell, and you still see them in the same place at the same spot everyday. They don't die; they just stay homeless.
Still, despite the threat of catastrophe, we bathe the baby. When I give him a bath, I have one simple goal: keep him alive. My record is stellar. I am undefeated.
Where I struggle is getting him dressed afterward. Like his brother, the baby does not like to keep still. He graduated from immobile pudge to urgent crawler overnight. He's already taken his first steps, and he'll no doubt be walking this month and shaving shortly after.
When the bath is over and I lift him out, all I want to do is wrap him in his bear towel, so he's not shivering. I lie him on his back on the towel, and he immediately flips over and takes off for the base of the toilet.
"Come on."
I pull him back and messily wrap him in the towel. He fusses and squirms and looks at me as though I'm going out my way to cause him discomfort.
"I need to dry you off."
He fights me but I am stronger than him (barely), and I wrestle him into his towel, his fat feet dangling out the bottom. In bathing product commercials, like for Johnson and Johnson, this is a touching and peaceful scene where the baby calmly smiles at his father, allowing himself to feel safe and protected. The father looks satisfied with a proud smile. There's no moment like that here. Right now he is annoyed with…he hates me. I'm the world's biggest prick. Search the land high and low, and you won't come close to finding a prick as big as my dad. Oh boo hoo, your dad ignores you! Wah, your dad doesn't feed you! Sniffle sniffle, your dad abandoned you, your big sister, and your mother, who has alopecia! You know what my dad did, motherfucker? He FUCKING DRIED MY FUCKING HAIR AFTER MY FUCKING BATH!!!!!!!
All this, and I haven't even dressed him in a clean diaper and pajamas. Since I last wrote about that process, it's gone from difficult to pretty much the hardest thing ever. At this point, the baby is out of disparaging thoughts. All he has left are sounds, and they are worse than his thoughts. Chainsaw noises blast from his lungs: Ihh…AHHHHHH!..Ihh…AHHHHH!..Ih…Ih…Ih…Ihh!…AHHHHH!
And we're only at the diaper at this point. I'm despondent because we have to put on pajamas next, which, according to him is super child abuse. I'm holding his feet like a vice in one hand, and centering the diaper with the other. He's twisting his body furiously counter clockwise, but his head is still. I'd really appreciate it if he stopped. This image is disturbing. What if he unscrews his own head?
His diaper is on, but he's still screaming at me. He sees his pajamas, and he knows that I'm going to commit the unspeakable act of clothing him so that he stays warm. I slide them underneath the baby, and his face–you should see his face right now–is sphincter red and darkening. He is eerily silent, but I know he will erupt. When you stub your toe there are a few inexplicable seconds of zero sensation before throbbing pain. I guess it takes that long for the pain receptors in your brain to connect with the nerves in your toes. After four seconds, I hear the loudest scream of the baby's young life. He is not in pain. When he gets shots he maybe yelps. He screams twice more, and these are followed by intermittent cries and more screams.
This would be much easier if only he'd give in (and ultimately had we chosen not to conceive).
"Make it easy on yourself," I implore.
But he has no plans of going quietly. He is strong as hell, and he fights me and fights me and fights me. I have 160 pounds on him, but he has greater determination. He kicks out of one pajama leg and then the other. I blink, and he has swatted off his diaper. He swims out of my grip and takes off for the door, shaking his naked tush the whole way. He stops in the doorway to turn to me and grin.
I sigh. "Victory is yours."
Now that he's five, we decided our eldest can start doing things on his own. I want to teach him to drive, but there are laws against that. We've started a little slower.
He can shower on his own, dress himself, put his toys away, and play with our smart phones without assistance (and click on ads that link to Swedish massage videos. Yes, this has happened.)
Though we've encouraged this self-sufficiency, we haven't forced it on him.. The biggest mistake parents make–other than having children–is inflating their expectations of their young kids. You can't rationalize with your five-year-old. "Please behave calmly," doesn't work with your child when you're at the mall. You're 35, and you're not being practical. You've already experienced your childhood. When you were at the mall and over-stimulated by the towering movie poster stands and alcoholic and pedophilic santas, you were a beast, too. I'm not saying that your little daughter isn't a horrible person. She is. But you can't expect her to flip a behavior switch that she's developmentally incapable of doing. Just take a more practical approach, and do what I do. When she's out of earshot, say,"You are the biggest piece of shit that breathes." You will feel better, and your spouse, however begrudgingly, will agree with you.
So only promote self-sufficiency if your kids are ready. But parenting is not that black and white, is it? There are wrinkles. What happens when your kids think they're ready to do something on their own, but they clearly aren't?
Our son has been potty-trained for a few years now. He poops and pees on his own, though on occasion he'll Jackson Pollack the toilet rim and tank with urine, but that occurs in the middle of the night or when he's acting out. When he poops, he thinks he's able to wipe himself, but he can't exactly.
When he's done with a deuce, he'll call out for one of us: "Mommy, can you wipe me?" Or "Daddy, can you wipe me?" This usually happens during dinner, and it's not beneath me to help him while I'm chewing my food.
One day we forgot about him until he walked out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles and a wad of soiled toilet paper in his hand.
"I wiped myself!" He beamed, while showing us his work.
"Good boy!" We said.
Then he turned around. I gave him some notes:
He has responded.
His newly found independence doesn't stop with his anus. This kid now wakes up, goes downstairs, and fixes himself breakfast. He can access the cereal boxes and milk! All we need to do is leave his bowl, spoon and cup out the night before, and he's on his own and good to go first thing in the morning.
He also likes variety and will look past his bowl for other things left on the counters that he can reach. One morning, I found him at the table eating Golden Grahams out of a measuring cup. Another morning he'd filled a very thin pinot noir wine glass with Rice Chex, grapes and milk.
"Where did you get that?"
"Hi Daddy."
"Where did you get that?"
"You left it out on the counter."
"Oh. Okay, good point, but you can't put cereal in a wine glass because it's dangerous. The glass could break."
"Well, you left it on the counter."
"I know, but a wine glass isn't a cereal bowl."
"Well, then don't leave it on the counter."
I now put wine glasses and all other hazardous materials away at night. He has resumed the use of his cereal bowl.
We're growing up.
I forgot what it felt like to see a baby smile, his face lighting up just for me. I forgot the incomparable sound of laughter that comes from a baby when he's tickled. I forgot that sense of comfort shared by both father and son when he squeezes my finger.
I also forgot that babies are assholes.
Tonight was TACO NIGHT! TACO NIGHT! Is great because those of us who can eat solid food in our household love tacos, including my five-year-old, who can be a picky dick at dinner. My wife makes them with ground turkey, low fat cheese and low fat sour cream, which means I can eat seven tacos and not feel guilty.
I just finished my second taco, and I was entering my taco groove—the chemical reaction in my brain that makes me crave more tacos. Taco construction is almost as enjoyable as eating the taco itself. I get to stuff as many low-fat ingredients inside, until right before the shell cracks. Nothing stands between me and my taco.
Except a crying baby.
I'd been ignoring the buildup, which began with mild moaning and metastasized into fussing, snorting, redness, flailing and all out infant howling.
"Can you wait?" I asked.
No, he couldn't wait because the selfish blob had to be fed his bottle and put down in his crib so that he could grow and develop. I sighed and shook my head to see if I could shame him, but he just said, "A bah da da da da."
"Yeah okay. Whatever."
I picked him up and put him over my shoulder, his ass an inch from my nose. Right away I could smell the shit in his diaper.
"I think he pooped," the five-year-old said.
"You don't say."
"Yeah I do. He smells like deuce."
I walked away from my taco in the middle of my taco groove, which is like stopping in the middle of sex. I stomped my way up the stairs, hoping to evoke some contrition from the baby, but he just smiled at me. I laid him down on the changing table and prepared myself. Babies have inexplicable strength. My son is just over two feet, weighs 20 pounds but thrashes like one of those super-sized fucking catfish that that dipshit with his fucked up English teeth pulls out of the water on River Monsters. Luh at that! The contours of his wiskus mean he's at least thu'ee yeas old!
But unlike the catfish, the baby was not distressed; he just likes to be difficult because why the FUCK should any single Goddamn part of parenting be easy?
For those of you who change diapers, you understand that one false move can mean disaster. If you step away to close the door or take a sip of wine from that glass you couldn't enjoy during dinner, your baby could roll off the changing table and fall to the floor. Or, if you don't cover your son's penis, he'll hose you.
And for those of you who don't change diapers, go fuck yourself.
When I change the baby, he does everything except cooperate. He grabs my sleeve and fingers with his River Monster strength. He stiffens his legs or bends them at the wrong times. He tries turning over. And he has so much fun doing it, smiling and laughing, that it is hard to get mad.
You can imagine how interesting things get when feces are involved.
He smiled, kicked, and cooed.
"Wgh ghee!"
"You have a lot to say."
"Ehh ahh…wgh ghee!"
"Yes! Yes you do have a lot to say! Yes you do! You stink. You made a stinky, didn't you? My little budgie made a stinky."
I unsnapped his onesy, pulled it back, and slid a clean diaper under the dirty one. I unfastened his diaper.
"Okay, let's see what we've got…oh fuck, Jesus Christ!"
The smell, volume and mess were so distracting, that I allowed him to dip his foot in it.
"No! Don't do that."
I quickly removed his sock and got shit on my fingers. I cleaned it off with a wipe and sighed over my taco growing cold downstairs. That's when I realized I hadn't covered his penis. Remember what I said about one false move? Well, I committed many. He power pissed, and it hit my chest before arcing and landing on his throat, creating a urine necklace. Still, he was all smiles.
"Wgh wgh ghee."
He had waste on both ends. Three minutes earlier he was in his clothes, clean as a whistle. Now he looked and smelled homeless. I didn't know where to begin the cleanup. Shit smells worse, so I dug in, using eight wipes to clean the stuff off his butt cheeks, thighs and the crevices, but not before covering his penis because they are never done. I stuffed the wipes in his dirty diaper and rolled it up like a shit burrito or shit naanwich (you pick). With my left hand providing a barricade for his body, I stretched as far as I could and dumped the dirty diaper in the garbage. Of course this released a waft of festering foulness from the existing contents, making me wretch and gag.
It was time to finish the job. His neck needed cleaning, and I had to put the clean diaper on. I took a deep breath, adjusted the clean diaper, and before I could fasten it, he flipped over and peed again. The diaper absorbed it all, but still, I felt like an impossible nimrod. I removed his soiled onesy, and he cried out of discomfort as I wiped down his neck.
"You're crying? How is that fair? I should be the one crying."
"Ehhhhhhhh. Ehhhhhhh."
"Shit man, then don't pee on yourself."
Saving some kind of face, I put his new diaper and clean onesy on rather quickly.
"Okay. Alright," I pep talked myself.
I put him over my shoulder, finished cleaning the changing area, and grabbed a pair of jammies. We went into my room because I thought a change of scenery would be good for all of us. I was wrong. I struggled mightily (surprise!) to put them on. They make infant pajamas with zippers and snaps. Snaps are impossible because there are 20 of them, which means there are 20 steps to take to do the job of one zipper. This would be easier if my son were a fat, sedentary fuck, but he's not. He's a River Monster, and River Monsters don't hold still. And snaps won't snap when River Monsters thrash.
"Seriously, why the fuck do they make these cocksucking fucking things like this?"
I looked at the baby. "Does this make any Goddamn sense?"
He stuck his tongue out at me. Each time I aligned a snap with its slot, he kicked. I couldn't get past four snaps.
"Fuck this."
I picked him up, through his jammies across the room and rummaged through his drawer. All I found were ones with snaps and a Lego Chima figure that his brother must have put in there. The jammies that I flung mocked me. Somehow—I think the baby just wanted the whole ordeal to be over with—I snapped all 20 snaps, fed him the rest of his bottle, and lowered him in his crib.
Downstairs my taco lay on its side, leaving a short trail of turkey meat next to it on the plate. I slid it back in the shell, and it felt surprisingly warm. I bit into it and smiled. I felt a small hand press on my foot. My five-year-old looked at me from under the table.
"What took you so long, Daddy?"
I've been hearing a lot of the annoying refrain: get your sleep now while you can; enjoy your last bit of freedom.
I've blocked out the noise because those tend to be the words of pussy-whipped husbands. Plus, I'm already a parent, and I've experienced the chaos of bringing home a newborn. My sleep is inconsistent anyway, and I'm a slave to my son's needs. Check that: wants, so I won't be losing much freedom.
Last night we went out with friends, who all have two kids, and one guy was telling me how difficult it is. I brushed him off, but he got to me eventually. When we got home, I washed up, took a shit—which usually puts me to bed (I don't sleep on the toilet, though that would be convenient)—and laid down to a pounding heart. On the eve of the birth of my second child, the anxiety mounted me. Pretty…no VERY soon my lifestyle is going to blow up like it never has.
Everyone close to me knows that I need my routine. I don't like to be uncomfortable. Remember in Rainman when Dustin Hoffman starts hitting his own head because he might miss the People's Court? Yeah, that's me, but I kick shit, too.
Yes, I was derailed when Jake was born, but I worked to establish a new routine, and even on Jake's worst days, there are two parents and one him, and we have strength in numbers.
"You get no break. It's brutal for the first year, but it gets better," this friend said.
You get no break.
That's the line that got to me. That's what revved up my heart and brought on last night's anxiety attack. The meaning of no break is already taking shape: I've turned down invitations to stay in the city to rage and crash at a friend's. The band that I'd kill to see in concert next, Mumford and Sons, is playing the Chicago Theatre in August. I can't go. Wah.
As a side note, the upside of being an anxious person is that I know how to get over an anxiety attack. Last night's was far from my first rodeo. I know it won't kill me. That's why I'm happy when normal people experience them for the first time. They don't know what to do with themselves. They feel a complete loss of control. They're powerless. They think they're going to die. That's funny.
Our parents made having two children seem standard. It appeared very normal to them. Even though they may have felt it, they never pointed to us and said, "Do you realize what we've sacrificed for you?" I have with my son, you know, just to try to out. He just responded by challenging me to a lightsaber fight.
Now that I'm a grownup and women work and do more impressive things than their husbands, growing your family seems very hard. I think we can do it. We have to. I could use some backup, though. Our family will help of course, but I'd like to be able to afford an obedient nanny, who'd be imperfect enough so that my sons would still love me more.
An empty-nester recently told me what kind of reaction to expect from Jake when we bring the baby home.
"Imagine if Amy were to bring home a hot 25 year-old man and say, 'He's living with us now.' How would you feel?"
While I do have the occasional gay dream, it would make me very jealous.
However, now I wish that could happen to gain a 3-2 advantage.
That question is from babycenter.com, which typically sends us weekly updates about the growth and development of Baby Rolf and not vaginal discharge. Usually, we read about the size and shape of the baby and what he is doing in the womb.
I would be more understanding if this post came from vaginaldischarge.com, but it did not.
I think this one may have slipped past the editors. Either that, or a guy wrote it to be funny. It's important that I share it with you because it's a doozy. It doesn't paint a very flattering picture of the vaginas. The League of Vaginas will be offended and should take to the streets.
In this entry, I break down the update. And in case you're wondering, my vagina is discharging no more than usual.
It's common during pregnancy to have more of the odorless or mid-smelling milky discharge that you may have had only occasionally before.
I just threw up in my mouth.
I also just learned something new: milk comes from cows and vaginas. That must mean that there's skim vagina milk, 1% vagina milk, soy vagina milk and almond vagina milk.
How do you make milk out of almonds? Out of almond vaginas?
Chalk it up to your body's surging estrogen levels and increased blood flow to your vagina and cervix.
Well there's your answer. Vagina milk origins explained.
The discharge is made up of secretions from our cervix and vagina's old cells from your vaginal walls and normal vaginal flora.
Wow. Vaginas do a lot.
Call your caregiver if the discharge is causing you discomfort such as itching or burning, or is foul-smelling, frothy or yellow, green or gray.
Foul smelling. Frothy. Hey, Ricky Santorum. Gays aren't gay because they are Satan's children. They're gay because of foul-smelling, frothy vaginas. You sweater-vest fuckhole.
These are all signs of infection.
No shit.
Coping with excess vaginal discharge, you can wear an unscented pantyliner to absorb the discharge if you wish.
There are officially coping mechanisms for EVERTHING: chemotherapy, divorce, post traumatic stress disorder. Discharging vagina.
I say go all the way. Don't be a pussy. Fuck the pantyliner and embrace your discharge. And discharge everywhere, on everything and everyone. Goddamn it!
Don't douche. Douching can introduce air into your circulatory system through the vagina, which can cause serious complications.
And serious queefing.
In conclusion, the vagina is super awesome and powerful. I think I'll hang on to my penis, though.
I've learned the hard way that kids remember everything you say and that they throw you under the bus in the most fantastic ways.
If, for example, you one day say "Hitler" within earshot of your son, he will no shit tell the row of passengers sitting behind you on your Southwest flight,
"I love Hitler. He's a really funny guy."
On that same flight, if you happen to say "fuck" because you're afraid the plane might crash during hellacious turbulence, chances are he'll, without context, yell "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" two days later to his great grandmother you're all flying to see.
With those hard lessons behind, we've entered the stage where I spell words out rather than speak them. It's really an awkward way to talk, but it's been in everyone's best interest to so in Jake's presence:
Discussing the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Amy: I like Kyle the most. She's not as bad as the rest.
Me: Oh please. She's such an awful C-u-n-t with that fachatca hair and botox.
About our exorbitant state income tax
Me: F-u-c-k the state of Illinois.
The Motherfucker who just cut me off
Me: That motherf-u-c-k-e-r!
Jake's not an idiot. He looks at us strangely when we do this. Clearly, he knows were up to shenanigans.
As kids do, he's catching on. Diners, Drive-ins and Dives makes me angry, and I mentioned what an a-s-s Guy Fieri was. Jake then said, "A-s-s." Amy and I turned to each other quickly. Our ruse was thwarted. The jig was up. Three and even four letter words were history, but there are always workarounds.
The next day I came home, shot out of a cannon over my commute. I hate the train because people next to me are either sick or loud.
I barged in the house.
"G-o-d-d-a-m-n c-o-c-k-s-u-c-k-i-n-g f-u-c-k-i-n-g c-o-c-k-s-u-c-k-e-r-s I ride the train with!"
Jake didn't blink. I was in the clear. Yes, I have to compromise the way I communicate, but at least it helps me practice my spelling.
Despite our best efforts, sometimes Jake's mind goes to the gutter (he's my son). On our way back from dinner in the city, I created a new game on the spot (because I'm a genius) with Jake. It was simple yet brilliant. I'd say "Jake!", he'd say, "What?", and I'd say something totally random. Then we'd just keep going and going and going.
"Jake," I said.
I had to pause to think about what great noun I'd use next, and then Jake took over.
"Hamburger, firetruck, vagina."
"Han Solo's cheeseburger's vagina."
"You already said that."
"No, I say penises."
"Uh, okay."
So what happens when I'm not the perpetrator of foul language?
The three of us were in the car leaving Target like we do every Goddamn Saturday, and the song "Rape Me" by Nirvana came on. I figured if regular terrestrial radio played it then it was safe to hear with Jake in the car. Also, it's Nirvana, man. The song begins with:
Rape me
Rape me, my friend
Rape me
Rape me again
"I don't think we should be listening to this," Amy said.
"It's okay. It's Nirvana."
"Come on."
"It's Nirvana. Don't worry. It's not like Kurt Cobain's going to scream it a lot at the end of the song."
Of course he does.
Instead of worrying about the lyrics, we had one of those fascinatingly rote bullshit conversations that married couples with kids have that centers on one or all of these topics: Costco coupons, Bright Start, plumbing, my inability to put folded laundry away, and windshield wipers.
Jake had some things to say.
"I don't want to go to nap when we get home."
"You don't have to; it's not time yet."
"Can I have milk when we get home."
"Can I fight lighstabers with…"
Rape me! Rape me!
Rape me! Rape me!
Rape me! Rape me!
Rape me! Rape me!
Rape me! Rape me!
Rape me! Rape me!
Rape me! Rape me!
Rape me! Rape me!
As Amy's fingers worked frantically to change the station, I turned the volume up because it was Kurt, and because I'm an asshole.
It's been a few days, and Jake hasn't broached the subject of rape. He's probably saving it for the next flight or when he sees his Bubbie.


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Change Control Web Based System - repost
This project received 23 bids from talented freelancers with an average bid price of $215 USD.Get free quotes for a project like this
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Project Description
This project is to develop a web based change control system using a new mssql database. The front end should be .net
This system will allow a user to post a new change request. The request will be emailed to all of the users who need to view and/or approve the request. The users will click a link to go to the site and review and/or approve/deny the request. Whenever a request is changed an email update will be sent to all users.
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ANZAC was the name given to the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps soldiers who landed on the Gallipoli Peninsula in Turkey early on the morning of 25 April 1915 during the First World War (1914-1918).
As a result, one day in the year has involved the whole of Australia in solemn ceremonies of remembrance, gratitude and national pride for all our men and women who have fought and died in all wars. That day is ANZAC Day - 25 April.
Every nation must, sooner or later, come for the first time to a supreme test of quality; and the result of that test will hearten or dishearten those who come afterwards. For the fledgling nation of Australia that first supreme test was at Gallipoli.
This site includes a host of educational and historical information on ANZAC Day, the Spirit of ANZAC, and all conflicts in which Australian forces have served. The site will be regularly updated and improved as resources permit.
The ADCC education site has a wealth of resources about Australia's military history and heritage for teachers and students.
These are at Early Childhood, Primary and Secondary levels.
You can find what you are looking for by Themes, or Individual Wars.
The list of relevant resources under the theme or war you select is colour-coded:
There is also a brief description for each resource.
The description will:
This Ceremony is conducted every year in ANZAC Square prior to ANZAC Day from 10:00am to 12 noon approximately.
The 2016 event will take place on Thursday 21 April 2016.
Every year the Dawn Service will start at 04:28am sharp on the 25 April at the Brisbane Shrine of Remembrance, ANZAC Square, located between Ann and Adelaide Streets Brisbane.
ADCC PO Box 3246 STAFFORD DC QLD 4053
21 Wolverhampton Street STAFFORD QLD 4053
Monday - Friday
9:00 am - 4:00 pm


text: MainStoriesChairman and CEO Shriver Addresses UNESCO Chairman and CEO Shriver Addresses UNESCO Rafael Pacheco | May 31, 2013 Special Olympics Chairman & CEO Timothy Shriver provided a keynote address at this week's 5th UNESCO World-Sport-Ministers Conference. He joined German Chancellor Angela Merkel, President of the International Olympic Committee Jacques Rogge, Chairman of the International Paralympics Committee Sir Phil Craven, and Director-General of UNESCO Irina Bokova at the Opening Session of the conference. One goal of the conference was to establish the 'Declaration of Berlin', which, as one of three key areas, also included Sport as a Fundamental Right for All. During his keynote address, Shriver shared the impact the Special Olympics Movement is having throughout the world, especially in developing nations. About Me:I am the E-Communications Product Manager for Special Olympics.Related:Read the Press Release Read More Stories He no longer fears dentistsGenevieve JiangVisiting a dental clinic made Bhavya Jain very anxious. Special Olympics helped.From shy and isolated, to confident leaderGenevieve JiangBefore Punsara Dissanayake joined Special Olympics Serendib, she was reluctant to attend school as she feared being bullied.Medical help gave her winning edgeGenevieve JiangJohn Lucas: From Introvert to Spokesman in BrazilCaroline ChevatA Special Olympics athlete took part in the signing of an agreement between Special Olympics and the International Volleyball Federation.Special Olympics Saved my Life!Marquis Antwan GarnerJuan Atilio: Overcoming prejudiceLeilani GonzalezMaking a Difference in India and NepalDavid HircockThank You, Special Olympics LouisianaJude and Paula BernardAgreement in Italy Will Boost Inclusion and RespectMaureen RabbittBelgium Athlete Addresses Experts at European ForumMartha Jo BraycichMy Coaches Were There For MeCarla SimonDo You Have A Story to Share?Share Your Story More Stories


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Weekend Guide: More than St. Patrick's Day
Step away from the green beer. That's no way to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.
Not because St. Patrick's Day is a religious and cultural celebration, although it is. If you're thinking Irish, think pub. And if you're thinking pub, think brewpub. And if the brewpub tries to serve you a green beer, politely decline. This isn't Chicago and beer ain't a river. »Read Full Article
Singing, acting both stellar in 'Figaro'
Actors are taught to act and opera singers are taught to sing - and all too rarely do the twain really meet.
The Florentine Opera Company's production of Mozart's "The Marriage of Figaro," directed by Candace Evans, cast that notion aside Friday evening with a spot-on blend of absolutely sterling singing and audience-connected acting. »Read Full Article
Theatre Gigante taps dark, creative energy in 'Electra'
While her father is out of town on business, her mother takes a lover. When her father comes home, Mom and her new consort stab him. She herself is thrown out of the house. Her baby brother now lives in exile.
No wonder Electra has a complex. The question is whether her righteous anger regarding the murder of her father (Agamemnon) can justify plotting with her brother (Orestes) to murder Mom (Clytemnestra) and Mom's new squeeze (Aegisthus). »Read Full Article
UWM work exhibited at Cannes film fest
Fourteen films by students, faculty and alumni of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee Department of Film, Video, Animation and New Genres have been accepted into the short-film showcase at this year's Cannes International Film Festival, which kicks off Wednesday on the French Riviera.
The total is more than double the number of short films that made it into the Cannes Court Métrage Short Film Corner last year. »Read Full Article


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Replacement Diplomas
Students with lost or damaged diplomas may wish to order replacement diplomas.
To request a replacement diploma, please download and complete the Application for Replacement Diploma. The form is available in PDF format.
Students will be notified when replacement diploma can be picked up. Please allow 2 weeks for processing.
NOTE: You must have the free Adobe Acrobat Reader installed on your computer to view and print the form.


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LocoRoco 2
Me likey!By J C Score:
Feb 10, 2009 10:42PM PST
This along w/ part uno was and currently is just another reason to own a PSP. Admittedly, I am polar opposite of what the industry considers a "casual gamer" or even a casual games fan as I dont get into the more gimmicky titles simply under the mantra of: "it's fun". But Loco Roco is easily an exception to that rule for myself due to the clean graphics, catchy and even endearing tunes and also the difficulty level is totally locked in by not being too hard and also requiring a little moxy if you want to collect everything in-game.
I hope they offer some form of DLC much like the x-mas and halloween levels during the originals release (they were stand alone demos, but they use the original titles engine so I will for this exercise consider them DLC) and lastly due to the unique control scheme, it's truly unfortunate that an accelerometer add-on peripheral wasnt developed as it practically begs for such a device...either way a complete win!


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[NWSL]This time, FC Kansas City did not blow it. A year after falling to the Portland Thorns, 3-2, in overtime after letting a 2-0 lead slip away, FCKC moved into the NWSL final with a 2-0 win on goals by U.S. internationals Amy Rodriguez and Lauren Holiday in a match played in temperatures that exceeded 100 degrees.
Holiday set up Rodriguez for the first goal in the 63rd minute and added an insurance goal in the 87th minute on an assist by Sarah Hagen. Until then, the game's best chance fell to Portland's Spanish star, Veronica Boquete, whose shot hit the post late in the first half.
Temperatures on the field exceeded 100 degrees, and coach Paul Rileycalled the conditions "terrible." "To bring 14 national team players and have to play in conditions like this for a semifinal doesn't make sense," he told the Oregonian, adding that Kansas City was nonetheless the better team and Holiday the best player on the field "by a country mile."
Kansas City, which remains unbeaten at home this season, will play the Seattle-Washington winner for the NWSL championship on Aug. 31. The Seattle-Washington semifinal will be played Sunday night (11 p.m. ET on ESPN2).
Aug. 23 in Kansas City, Mo.
FC Kansas City 2 Portland 0. Goals:Rodriguez (Holiday) 65, Holiday (Hagen) 87.
FC Kansas City -- Barnhart, Kallmann, Phillips, Robinson, Sauerbrunn, Buczkowski, Richmond, Mathias (LePeilbet, 86), Tymrak (Gorry, 90+4), Holiday, Rodriguez (Hagen, 84).
Portland --Anger, Moros (Huffman, 89), Van Hollebeke, Menges, Catley, Long, Brooks, Boquete, Heath (McDonald, 67), Sinclair (Shim, 79), Morgan.
Referee:Chris Spivey.


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JERUSALEM, Israel - The Palestinian Authority arrested and jailed a man for "carrying out commercial transactions with residents of a hostile state," the Bethlehem-based Maan news agency reported on Thursday.
The accused, a merchant in the PA-controlled city of Bethlehem, was caught bringing products manufactured in a Jewish community in Judea to sell in the city. He will remain in custody until the trial is over.
In May, PA President Mahmoud Abbas signed a bill making it a criminal offense to do business with Jewish residents of Judea and Samaria - the West Bank.
Abbas ordered PA police to confiscate Israeli-made goods and arrest shop owners who continued to carry products. He also banned Palestinians from working in Jewish towns and cities in Judea and Samaria, but many workers have ignored the order
Palestinian police detained several merchants over the summer, but this is the first merchant to be put on trial, according to the report.
Shortly after the decision, PA Prime Minister Salim Fayyad invited the press to film him throwing Israeli-manufactured products in a huge bonfire.
According to Hassan Abu Libdeh, the Palestinian Authority's economics minister, they confiscated $1 million worth of Jewish-manufactured products.
In May, Abbas legal adviser Hasan al-Ouri was quoted by the PA's official news agency, WAFA, promising the law would root out "the cancers found in the Palestinian body who target the Palestinian people's humanity, soil and fate."
Fatah, Hamas Still Trying to Reconcile
P.A. Cancels Journalists Tour to Jericho
Palestinian Authority Discovers Hamas Arms Cache
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potatochobit 4 years ago#1
people may have left or did not continue from the open beta obviously
it could also be people not playing on the weekend, which is normal for adults
(only kids game on their weekends and the lonely hearts club)
I know they made a few new servers and the PVP ones are doing well, but I definitely see a server merger incoming for the PVEs.
everyday I log in the channel 1 is always on low.
there was like two other people with me in the elf city
perhaps everyone else is taking it slow, but I dont think so
as the game progresses there are so many options as to where you can go but that would still be reflected in the channel populations
My website: http://tenori-taiga.blogspot.com/
cobaltlotus 4 years ago#2
Channels are different in each area, province, dungeon, etc.
Just because channel 1 is low in your region doesn't mean it's low in another.
Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine is god tier. There, I said it.
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HolyKnight199 4 years ago#3
MMO population always goes down a little after release, once the excitement of a fresh release has passed. WoW's population was also a bit crazy for a couple of days when the Cataclysm expansion hit.
Unless you mean that TERA's population seems low, but it's normal, it's not a mainstream MMO. Don't expect WoW or (at release) SW:TOR numbers.
I would say it depends on your level since your at the elf city I'm gonna guess that your at least level 40.I've noticed that most of the people's level seem to be like 32 or less cause when I'm in channel one dnd in those area I notice it's always high.
A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
kamikaze135 4 years ago#5
Not everybody is in the channel and region you're in. MMO population always shrink, no need to point out the obvious.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time -Tyler Durden
It also doesn't help that a lot of people are having subscription issues right now (being billed 30 days early, constant errors during subscription or not able to log in at all)
People who know little are usually great talkers, while those who know much say little.
BahamutDarkFire 4 years ago#7
TERA is never going to be a "big number" subscription MMO, at least over here in the West anyway.
"Therein is your error, smoke not the bowl, smoke the contents." - Greendrakkon | A kid complaining he wasn't high after "smoking 2 bowls."
One can hope that it reviews quite well on Gamespot, PC Gamer, Gamespy, or IGN, at which point it revitalises interest and brings on people who hadn't had a chance to play the beta who were on the fence or people who haven't heard of the game otherwise (it has nowhere near the marketting power GW2 and TOR had, let's be honest).
Depends entirely on what zone you're in. A lot of people are in different level range areas, and people are also spread out through the channels playing with friends and what not.
fireflygirl2 4 years ago#10
I feel that we're as I thought we would be. And Frogster too. I mean they DID give us only one PvE server at the launch.
Every gamer that adds to that number is just a bonus. The game is really really good, and I'm tough to please.
Simple things like, graphics, a lot of bank inventory place, combat, healing (the most fun I had healing in a long time!).
Healing in SWTOR I felt almost useless (swtor is also a good game!).
TERA, I have high hopes for you ;)
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead
from a bough. Without ever having felt sorry for itself.
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Nashville 3, Iowa 1
The Sounds silenced the I-Cubs bats as Nashville (17-36) won for the third time in the four-game series with Iowa (24-29)
At the Plate: Nashville held the I-Cubs to five hits and the only run scored in the third on Dave Sappelt's sacrifice fly.
Cubs Lineup: Watkins 2B (1-3 BB), Bogusevic CF (2-3 BB), Sappelt LF (0-3 RBI), Nelson 1B (1-3), Lillibridge 1B (0-1), Murphy SS (0-4), Stewart 3B (1-4 2B), McDonald RF (0-2 2BB), Flores C (0-4), Negrin P (0-3), Jackson PH (0-1)
On the Mound: Yoanner Negrin made his second start as it looks like the Cubs are adding innings to the Cuban's right arm. He made nine straight relief appearances but did start 16 games (104 innings) in the Mexican League last year on loan to Tabasco. Negrin (0-2 3.00) tossed six innings allowing three earned runs on five hits. He walked one and fanned a pair. Brian Schlitter (0-0 0.00) fired two scoreless innings with a hit and a strikeout in his second AAA game.
Birmingham 11, Tennessee 3
Birmingham (34-20) pounded out 17 hits and scored in six straight innings against Tennessee (28-25).
At the Plate: Tennessee had 10 hits, three from Christian Villanueva, but went 1-6 with runners in scoring position and hit into three double plays. Rubi Silva's double scored Arismendy Alcantara in the sixth and Rafael Lopez added a two-run double in the ninth.
Smokies Lineup: Szczur CF (0-4), Alcantara 2B (2-4 R), Silva RF (2-4 R 2B RBI), Wright LF (0-4), Villanueva 3B (3-4 R 2B), Lopez DH (1-4 2B 2RBI), Noble C (0-4), Mota 1B (1-3), Soto SS (1-3)
On the Mound: Eric Jokisch made his 11th start and the second against Birmingham as the Barons gave the lefty fits for the second time this season. He yielded five runs on eight hits and four walks back on May 10 taking the loss. On Friday night, Jokisch allowed 10 hits and seven runs in five innings. He fanned six and walked three throwing 88 pitches. Hunter Cervenka had his second tough AA outing as the lefty surrendered five hits and four runs in two frames. Kevin Rhoderick worked a scoreless eighth with two punchouts.
Brevard County 10, Daytona 9—10 innings
Brevard County (28-25) overcame a 7-1 deficit and beat Daytona (26-26) in extra innings.
At the Plate: Dustin Geiger hit a three-run homer in the first inning, his third of the year. Geiger leads the FSL with 46 RBI. Taiwan Easterling and Zeke DeVoss drew bases loaded walks for two more runs in the third as Daytona coaxed 12 free passes on the night. Javier Baez and Jorge Soler walked to lead off the fourth, advanced on a wild pitch and scored on Chadd Krist's two-run, two-out single. Krist is hitting .291 with nine RBI in 16 games. Daytona made it 8-3 in the sixth as Soler, Geiger and Carhart all singled to open the inning. After the Manatees took a 9-8 lead in the bottom of the 8th, Daytona tied the game on a Soler grounder with the bases loaded as Soler beat the relay throw on the attempted double play allowing Wes Darvill to score.
Cubs Lineup: DeVoss DH (0-2 RBI 3BB), Saunders CF (1-3 3BB), Baez SS (0-3 R 2HBP BB), Soler RF (2-4 4R RBI 2BB), Geiger 1B (2-5 R HR 3RBI BB), Carhart 3B (1-4 R RBI), Krist C (1-5 2 RBI), Easterling LF (0-5 RBI BB), Darvill 2B (2-4 R BB).
On the Mound: LHP Lyle Burke (1-0 2.40 ERA) recorded six strikeouts in five innings but allowed a pair of homers as the Manatees had six hits and scored three runs. He left with a 7-3 advantage but the Daytona bullpen couldn't hold the lead. Eduardo Figueroa and Jeffrey Lorick each allowed three hits and two runs in an inning as Brevard County cut the lead to 8-7. Larry Suarez blew the save surrendering two more runs in the eighth on four walks and a hit. Frank Del Valle (3-1 3.20) took the loss giving up a walk-off single in the tenth.
Cedar Rapids 5, Kane County 2
Cedar Rapids (34-19) scored five runs in the first three innings and survived a ninth inning rally by Kane County (24-28)
At the Plate: The Cougars scored in the first when Pin-Chieh Chen walked, took second on a wild pitch, and scored on Daniel Vogelbach's single. Kane County added a run in the ninth and had the bases loaded but Albert Almora struckout and Vogelbach grounded out. Gioskar Amaya walked and took third on Reggie Golden's double. Marco Hernandez plated Amaya with a double of his own and when Chen walked the bases were loaded.
Cougars Lineup: Chen LF (2-3 R 2BB), Almora CF (0-5), Vogelbach 1B (1-5 RBI), Candelario 3B (1-4), Shoulders DH (0-2 2BB), Amaya 2B (0-3 BB), Contreras C (0-4), Golden RF (2-4 2B), Hernandez SS (1-4 2B RBI)
On the Mound: Jose Rosario (0-1 5.40 ERA) made his third start since joining Kane County from extended spring training. A free agent signing in 2008, Rosario spent two years in the DSL and then two more in the Rookie League in Mesa before pitching 15 games for short-season Boise in 2011. Last season, the right-hander started 20 games for Peoria, posting a 6-8 record with a 4.22 ERA in 111 innings. Rosario tossed five innings against the Kernals but allowed 10 hits and a walk yielding five earned runs as he took the loss. Eduardo Orozco (3-3 4.86) threw a scoreless inning and Brian Smith (2-1 3.07) fanned three in three innings of shutout baseball.


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Heart palpitations: Causes and management
Q: My heart has been fluttering or feeling lile its rolling all day it doesnt hurt but is very uncomfortable
A: Fluttering heart beats usually indicate a problem with the heart rythym and are called palpitations. There ae various causes of the same like for example too fast or too slow heart beats, irregular heart beats (arrythymias) , panic/anxiety attacks, thyroid issues like hyperthyroidism, low blood hemoglobin : Anemia etc. These need to be evaluated and you need to consult your GP for a examination and tests like ECG, blood pressure, thyroid function and a complete blood count. All the best.
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Awesome Glass Etched Panels
Recent Comments
Linda Cobbley Fri, 03/07/2014 - 20:49
WOW! this is wonderful! what a great layout to go with these pics!
Catherine Olson Fri, 03/07/2014 - 16:10
Those photos are great, what a cool place! Love the masks you used, too!
Judith Webster Fri, 03/07/2014 - 13:20
Magnificent!! What a treasure to find such art in your everyday environment, and you have showcased it beautifully.
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married for 33 years, Mum to three adult children, Gran to one beautiful boy. Part time Massage therapist
Been trying for ages to get decent photos of these amazing glass panels at our local Railway Station. (new in 2013) Being Glass and dealing with sunlight and reflections and shadowsnot so easy. Really happy with these and hope to get more.
Glimmer - Kathryn Estry
Font: Harrington
- Uploaded Fri, 03/07/2014 - 12:13
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This is dance done when you shake your leg like a snake. It is also known as the "stanky leg" by people who dont know any better.
"i was snakey leggin so good at the club people thought it really was an anaconda!"
מאת snakeyleggin 6 בינואר, 2010
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Can you define these popular missing words?


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Film and TV Awards
12th 29th People's Choice Awards: Mel Gibson & Julia Roberts win (Dramatic Motion Picture) and Ray Romano & Jennifer Aniston win (TV)
Event of Interest
13th Rock musician Pete Townshend of The Who was arrested in London on suspicion of possessing indecent images of children. He was later cleared.
- 16th The Space Shuttle Columbia takes off for mission STS-107 which would be its final one. Columbia disintegrated 16 days later on re-entry.
- 17th 8th Critics' Choice Movie Awards: Chicago wins Best Film
- 18th A bushfire kills 4 people and destroys more than 500 homes in Canberra, Australia.
- 19th AFC Championship Game: Oakland Raiders beat Tennessee Titans 41-24
- 19th NFC Championship Game: Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat Philadelphia Eagles 27-10
- 22nd Last successful contact with the spacecraft Pioneer 10, one of the most distant man-made objects.
- 23rd Final communication between Earth and Pioneer 10
- 24th The United States Department of Homeland Security officially begins operation.
- 26th Super Bowl XXXVII: Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat Oakland Raiders, 48-21 at the Qualcomm Stadium MVP: Dexter Jackson, Tampa Bay, S
- 26th 19th Sundance Film Festival: "American Splendor", directed by Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini, wins Grand Jury Prize Dramatic
- 29th Sally Clark cleared of murdering her 2 sons after more than 3 years of prison in what was a life sentence
- 30th Belgium legally recognizes same-sex marriage.
- 30th Richard Reid sentenced to life in prison for attempting to bomb an American Airlines flight with 197 on board
- 31st The Waterfall rail accident occurs near Waterfall, New South Wales, Australia.


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Meteorologist David Biggar has the latest on the rain, snow, and chance of thunderstorms. Watch his report here.
David's Morning Update: Chance of thunderstorms
Published On: Mar 06 2013 06:31:06 AM PST
The views expressed are not those of this site, this station or its affiliated companies. By posting your comments you agree to accept our terms of use.blog comments powered by Disqus


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Animation video for website landing page {Used as landing video}
This project received 23 bids from talented freelancers with an average bid price of $379 USD.Get free quotes for a project like this
Skills Required
Project Budget$30 - $250 USD
Total Bids23
Project Description
Hi, i run my own MLM, Direct selling Network marketing business, and i shall be having my own website soon, i am looking at making a landing video for 1 minutes to 2 minute explaining why people should be part of a home based business, can you help me out with that??
i started my own team and the website is going to be ready soon, i am looking at making a landing video on the landing page which should talk about why people should be part of a home base business, what value would it offer them, so they can fill up their details and through the auto res ponder i could build the trust and show them the opportunity.
Hence more like a lead capture page where people find value in the video fill up their details...
I would like to know how would you make it will it have voice narration also ? or should i provide voice narration? will you come up with a story line or should i come up with a story line and a content?
i also would like to see your previous work.. this is jus the first project many more to come.. thank you
Looking to make some money?
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Alternative Products
This retractable aluminum pen rebels so often that we've become used to using its middle name when we address it. Like this: "Braydon Declan Pen, you get over here right now and show these nice people why you're such a wonderful engraved promo item!"See what we mean? That's how the conversation usually goes. Despite our best efforts to control them, these sleek click pens tend to go wild when it comes to brand impressions, which is great news for an organization like yours! From their brushed aluminum construction to their 5 metallic colors (accented with silver trim), we just can't seem to keep them on the shelves with the other metal pens we carry. Tsk, tsk.Braydon Declan Pens want you to know the following tidbits about them:* Click-action design (refillable with Parker-style)* Silver engraved logo imprint matches pen's silver accents* Writes in black ink* Second side imprint available for an additional charge (ask your QLP rep)If you want a boring promotional pen that adheres to the norms and blends into the background, then you may want to look at another item. However, if you like the idea of a rebellious style working overtime for your brand, then these metal writing instruments are your guys! Contact Quality Logo Products today for a low-price guarantee.
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Quality Logo Products, Inc. is your number one source for stress balls and promotional items.
Copyright 2003 - 2016 Quality Logo Products, Inc., Registration No. TX7-524-201. All Rights Reserved.


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From Destination:
13.87m / 22.33km
Rates From:
Mixie Y Mixteco,
Huatulco, 70989, Mexico
Phone: +52 9585870945
Make yourself a part of the ecological space that the BEST WESTERN Posada Chahué has reserved for you at Mexico's newest tourist development of Bahías de Huatulco, located on the Mexican Pacific coast in Oaxaca state. You will discover nine... More
|Pets Allowed
|Fitness Center
|Room Service
|Restaurant Onsite
From Destination:
80.6m / 129.77km
Rates From:
Carretera Cristobal Colon Km 790,
Santo Domingo Tehuantepec, 70760, Mexico
Phone: +52 971 71 50085
Distance is the lesser problem when you want more, the Best Western® Hotel Calli, an oasis in your way. For vacation or business, we are your best choice. Let us pamper you and enjoy our services. Located 15 minutes from Antonia Dovali Jaime refinery... More
|High Speed Internet
|Room Service
|Restaurant Onsite
* Rates are based on selected occupancy and dates. Rates may change depending upon final dates, room type, and guest occupancy.


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Previous MILI Events
MILI participates in and hosts a number of events.
The list below is a sample of some of our events where video, audio, and/or materials from that event have been made available.
For information on previous events not listed, please contact MILI at firstname.lastname@example.com.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Actuarial Seminar Series
"A New Era in Health Care Price Transparency"
David Newman, PhD, JD
Executive Director, Health Care Cost Institute (HCCI)
For more information, see the event flyer (177.73 KB) .
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Actuarial Seminar Series
Risk Adjustment Issues in Medicare Payment
Jon B. Christianson
James A. Hamilton Chair in Health Policy and Management
Division of Health Policy and Management, University of Minnesota
Vice Chair, Medicare Payment Advisory Commission (MedPAC)
Risk adjustment of payments is becoming an increasingly important issue for Medicare along several dimensions.
This presentation will discuss historical risk‐adjustment approaches used by Medicare when paying contracting
health plans and current issues concerning risk adjustment of payment for Medicare Advantage plans.
Event Flyer (165.69 KB)
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Actuarial Seminar Series
From Health Reform to Care Reform: Top Ten Trends to Navigating the Transition
Monday, April 7, 2014
Design of Medical Devices Conference
The Commons Hotel & McNamara Alumni Center
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Actuarial Seminar Series: Understanding Risk Under Health Reform: How Do Insurance Exchanges and Payment Reform Require New Approaches for Measuring and Managing Risk?
David Knutson, Senior Research Fellow, Division of Health Policy & Management, University of Minnesota
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Actuarial Seminar Series: What can Massachusetts Health Care Reform teach us about the ACA?
Ian Duncan, FSA, MAAA, FCIA, FIA, Vice President, Outcomes and Analytics, Walgreen Cos.
Actuarial Aspects of Massachusetts Health Reform Presentation (12.35 MB)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Actuarial Seminar Series: A Detailed Look at US Health Care Spending
Julie Schoenman, PhD, Director of Research and Quality, National Institute for Health Care Management (NIHCM) Research and Educational Foundation
Thursday, October 18, 2012
The John Hopkins Institute for Policy Studies continued their Social Policy Seminar Series talk with a presentation from Dr. Stephen Parente entitled, "The Evolution of Health Care Reform: Are We There Yet?".
Wedneday, September 26, 2012
Putting Providers At-Risk: How strong are incentives for upcoding and treatment changes?
Marisa Domino, PhD
Professor, Health Econmonics, Department of Healthy Policy and Management, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
July 18, 2012
Insiders View Seminar: The Future of Medical Production
Justin Paur, Director of Production Services and MILI Fellow, NACS, Inc.
Tuesday October 11, 2011
Actuarial Seminar Series - Health Care Reform and Career Opportunities for Actuaries
John Stenson, FSA, MAAA
Senior Vice President and Chief Actuary, Kaiser Permanente
May 6, 2011
Benefits and Burdens of FDA Regulations on Global Medical Technology Markets
Co-sponsored by the Center for International Business Education and Research (CIBER)
This event will provide an insightful and candid set of conversations about the challenges facing the medical technology market and the evolving role of governments across the globe. This seminar is free and open to the public. Registration is required.
Podcast Available
Podcast from "Benefits and Burdens of FDA Regulations on Global medical Technology Markets," held on May 6, 2011 is now available.
November 22, 2010
MILI Actuarial Seminar: "Interesting Times for an Actuary: Healthcare Trends and Healthcare Reform"
M. Kent Clemens, FSA
Senior Actuary, Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), Office of the Actuary
Medicaid, Medicare, and total U.S. healthcare spending have received a lot of attention throughout the drive to healthcare reform. The recently-passed legislation will bring about change, but where do things stand before the reform begins? What are the expected impacts of the recently-passed healthcare reform legislation on Medicaid, Medicare, and total healthcare spending? What role have actuaries played along the way? (Actuaries are not just calculators!) View full event information (PDF).
Clemens Presenation (635.15 KB)
November 8, 2010
"Nurses and Unionization"
Joanne Spetz, PhD, Professor of Community Health Systems, School of Nursing & Center for the Health Professions, University of California, San Francisco
Co-sponsored by the Department of Health Policy & Management, School of Public Health, U of MN
Spetz Presentation (164.65 KB)
February 18, 2010
"Individual Health Insurance Reform without Side Effects"
Presented by Mark Pauly, PhD, Professor in the Department of Healthcare Management, Professor of Healthcare Management, Insurance and Risk Management, and Business and Public Policy at the Wharton School and Professor of Economics in the School of Arts and Sciences at the University of Pennsylvania
If you were unable to attend this seminar, you can view it here.
Individual Health Insurance (359.21 KB)
Draft copy of Pauly's paper: Guaranteed Renewability Uniquely Prevents Adverse Selection in Individual Health Insurance (107.91 KB)
Copy of Pauly's New England Journal of Medicine Article: "Avoiding Side Effects in Implementing Health Insurance Reform (182.26 KB)
Co-sponsored seminar with the Department of Health Policy and Management, SPH


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Re: NOOK WON'T TURN ONluvbooksCM Aug 12, 2014 3:48 AM (in response to Mac_24)
Did they offer to replace it for you? If you are within the warranty period, and took it to B&N and they couldn't figure it out, I would ask for a replacement. I believe there is a one year warranty.
Re: NOOK WON'T TURN ONMac_24 Aug 26, 2014 7:10 PM (in response to luvbooksCM)
I was 2 months past warranty
Re: NOOK WON'T TURN ONbookenthusiastJP Aug 27, 2014 10:40 AM (in response to Mac_24)
I am having the same issue. My NOOK HD+ was working fine on Sunday, but when I went to use it Monday evening it wouldn't turn on.
I am so disappointed in B&N and their NOOK device/support. I have owned my NOOK for only a year and a half! The store couldn't do anything for me, other than refer me to an 800 number. The person at the 800 number told me I would need to call back in a week or two to inquire about the 'Out of Warranty Trade-In" program. That they just released the new Samsung Galaxy Tab 4Nook and no longer sell the NOOK HD+. So, they are not sure when exactly the trade-in program will start. Pretty much, if you have any NOOK outside the "newest and greatest" there is no support for it. When I view it on my online account or try to chat live with someone, no option is available for the older NOOK devices. Only going through the 800 number. I am very disappointed my NOOK kicked the bucket after a year and a half! Ridiculous is what I say! Not sure if I even want another NOOK. Very disappointed and upset! If B&N cannot handle the support of these devices, then they need to contract out with a company that can. Maybe that is why Samsung is the new NOOK branding name.


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Hayden Panettiere
Actress + Singer
Born Aug 21, 1989
Hayden Leslie Panettiere is an American actress, singer and model. She began her acting career by playing Sarah Roberts on One Life to Live, and Lizzie Spaulding on Guiding Light (1996–2000), before starring at age 10 as Sheryl Yoast in the Disney feature… Read More
View newly released photos of Hayden Panettiere.
News + Updates
Browse recent news and stories about Hayden Panettiere.
Connie Britton And Hayden Panettiere Returning For Cmt's 'nashville'Huffington Post - Jun 30, 2016
Canceled By Abc, 'nashville' Finds A New Home At CmtLATimes - Jun 10, 2016
Hayden Panettiere Flashes A Big Smile During Family Beach DayHuffington Post - Mar 07, 2016
Learn about the memorable moments in the evolution of Hayden Panettiere.
1998 8 Years Old Panettiere made her feature film debut with 1998's A Bug's Life, but her first film to actually be released was the same year's The Object of My Affection, in which she appears briefly as a mermaid in the school play in the opening scene.
1999 9 Years Old 1 More Event
In 1999, she portrayed the girl on a sinking sailboat in Message In A Bottle.
2000 10 Years Old She played the role of Coach Yoast's daughter, Sheryl, in the 2000 Disney film Remember the Titans.
2004 14 Years Old In 2004, she had her first starring role in the Disney Channel film Tiger Cruise and played Kate Hudson's adolescent niece in Raising Helen.
2005 15 Years Old In 2005, she was the title character's rival in a skating contest in Ice Princess. … Read More
2006 16 Years Old She subsequently starred in 2006's Bring It On: All or Nothing as a cheerleader and had a supporting role as Adelaide Bourbon in the 2007 independent film Shanghai Kiss.
2007 17 Years Old 8 More Events
In June 2007, she signed with the William Morris Agency, after previously being represented by the United Talent Agency.
2008 18 Years Old 2 More Events
In May 2008, Panettiere was involved in an eBay auction to benefit Save the Whales Again, a campaign of The Whaleman Foundation. … Read More
2009 19 Years Old 1 More Event
Panettiere met heavyweight boxing world champion Wladimir Klitschko in 2009 at the book launch party for mutual acquaintance Diana Jenkins' Room 23 (both appeared in the book), and they soon began dating. … Read More
2013 23 Years Old 3 More Events
She has recorded several songs for Nashville, which were released as singles and included on the show's soundtrack albums. In 2013, Panettiere recorded a version of "The Fabric of My Life" for a Cotton Incorporated campaign.
2014 24 Years Old On December 9, 2014, Panettiere gave birth to their daughter, Kaya Evdokia Klitschko. … Read More
2015 25 Years Old In April 2015, Panettiere joined the cast of Custody, alongside Viola Davis (both actresses appeared in 2006's The Architect, although they did not share any scenes). … Read More
Original Authors of this text are noted on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayden_Panettiere.
Text is made available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
Text is made available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.


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Lucian Bute Working Over Sparring Partners Judah, McGirt
By Chris LaBate
IBF super middleweight champion Lucian Bute (27-0, 22KOs) is working very hard in his training camp, which is presently taking in Miami, Florida. He defends the title against Brian Magee (34-3, 24KOs) on March 19 at the Bell Centre in Quebec. After starting off slow, Bute has really imprvoved over the last couple of weeks and greatly improved his form. He is reportedly holding nothing back when working over his sparring partners, cruiserweight Daniel Judah, and super middleweight James McGirt Jr. Bute has been traing for twelve, thirteen rounds at a time and ready for the first fight of his exlcusive contract with Showtime.
[QUOTE=rasdun;10195658]Magee is a crap opponent, but with the deep division and especially the fighters who have dropped out of super 6- he should have some decent opponents to choose from, like Kessler or Dirrell. Also, no way Froch is winning…Comment by ShoulderRoll on 03-06-2011
Bute seems to be fighting nothing but sparring partners lately anyway. :lol1: Dirrell and Kessler are available now, he should call one of them out. Even if they turn him down at least it shows that he's trying to fight…Comment by Pullcounter on 03-06-2011
let me know when bute fights a live body...Comment by Kagami Taiga on 03-06-2011
[QUOTE=ssop;10196789]Mcgee had 11 riund against Froch. It seem because he is not american that he is a crap....Bute is the best of the division,[/QUOTE] wait...u cant be serious rite???Comment by ssop on 03-06-2011
Mcgee had 11 riund against Froch. It seem because he is not american that he is a crap....Bute is the best of the division,Post a Comment - View More User Comments (12)


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Posts filtered on Tag
There's Harmony in Hoofbeats
Tobi really did throw some feed tubs at us once! …
Oh Lord…..
Courtesy of The Ultimate Horse Site Author: LISA A. © Lisa A Oh, Lord won't you buy me a horsey that bends My friends all ride warmbloods, I must make amends, I practice my leg yields, each evening …


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Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights
- Platforms: DS, PC, PS2, PS3, PSP, X360
- Developer: Juice Games
- Publisher: THQ
- Genre: Racing
- VN:F [1.9.22_1171]User Score: 0 votes
- Add to MyGames
Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights (HIN) evolves the current street racing scene, letting players experience the culture of the real-life HIN tour, the nation's largest lifestyle custom car show in an intense racing experience. Featuring track and drift racing at real-world locations around the globe, next-gen AI and unparalleled vehicle customization, Juiced 2: HIN brings street racing to life, allowing players to test their skills at live street racing events against a back-drop of DJs, models and musicians. Groundbreaking new features include addictive drift/powersliding races and "Driver DNA" that tracks gamers' personal driving traits. These profiles, along with the profiles of select celebrities will be available for download across all online gaming systems. Racing developer Juice Games has evolved the game-play that revolutionized online racing, giving players the power to create their car, assemble their crew and put it all on the line in intense pink slip and crew races. Gamers will also be able to bet cash on each event, bringing a gambling element to the game that greatly increases the importance of each race
No News has been linked to this game.
Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights
Introduction It has been a while since I've had the chance (and time) to write a review for our beloved Fragland, but about a week ago a big white envelope containing a bright green disk case was delivered to my appartement : the Juiced 2 – Hot Import Nights – review copy. Nice and juicy […]
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It's that time of the offseason where the focus goes from the big named free agents to the possible draft picks.
For the Miami Dolphins, this is a crucial time. Despite filling holes on their offensive line and on defense, they're still in need of a right tackle, right guard and linebacker.
A spare safety, wide receiver and tight end wouldn't hurt them either.
How can Miami fill those holes? Where will they fill said holes? What players are in play?
Here's a look at the stock report for some possible Dolphins draft picks and whether they are trending up or down towards going to Miami.