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Skip to comments.What's really happening in the Ukraine.
Posted on 04/07/2014 1:02:54 PM PDT by dangus
I don't claim to be able to peer into Putin's soul. I don't even claim to be an expert on Russia or the Ukraine. But if we're to have a chance of dealing intelligently in Eastern Europe, we should at least have a mastery of the basic facts. And that's where media sources, left, right and center have made complete fools of themselves. So without wanting to in any way defend the indefensible Yanukovich:
If the Russians hadn't been in Crimea, there's no way the Crimeans would've voted to join Russia.
Crimea has pretty much always been Russia since its first civilization, except for various times when the Turks had conquered it. It has never been part of the Ukraine, until 1992. It was not even part of the anti-communist Ukrainian Republic of the early 1920s. It only split from Russia when the Ukraine went democratic, but the Soviets still ran Russia. It voted in 1992 to become a fully autonomous region affiliated with the Ukraine, but then the Ukraine unilaterally revoked that autonomy. [From 1965 until 1991, it was part of the Ukrainian SSR].
The Russians want Crimea because of oil!
There is no oil in Crimea. There is no oil pipeline. The largest ports in the Ukraine are not in Crimea.
The Russians want Crimea because it is so wealthy!
Crimea possesses some potentially wonderful tourist beaches. But it is not wealthy. At all. Crimea's one of the poorest Oblasts in a poor nation; most of the wealth of the Ukraine is concentrated in Kiev.
It's 1930s Germany all over again!
Maybe. But not because of the Russians. When the mob took over Kiev, they installed several neo-Nazis to key posts.
That neo-Nazi talk is just Russian propaganda!
It refers to the Socialist-Nationalist party, also known as Svoboda, which idolizes the Banderites. The Banderites tried to prove to Adolf Hitler that they'd be valuable allies by killing an entire region's population of 80,000 Polish people. But at least the Banderites have never been ties to the Nazis' hatred of Jews. Svoboda blames Jews for ruling Russia.
Surely the HEADS of the Maidan aren't Nazis, though!
Julia Tymoshenko, the once and probably future Prime Minister of the Ukraine, was recorded in a phone conversation that the only way to establish secure rule over the Ukraine would be to kill all Russians.
No-one really wants to secede; it's just the Russians stirring trouble.
Did you miss the part about the Tymoshenko wanting all Russians killed? Was it just hot-blooded rhetoric? Perhaps, but after mobs overthrew the people they voted for, you can hardly blame the citizens of Donetsk Oblast for being wary when their leader calls for their genocide.
The Russians really just want a land bridge to Crimea.
Russia does not need a land bridge to Crimea. In fact, it would be insane to travel hundreds and hundreds of miles all the way around the Sea of Azov, instead of taking a two-mile planned bridge across the placid Straits of Kerch.
But the Russians have been causing trouble in the Ukraine all along! They poisoned President Yushenko!
My only point in bringing the following up is that the initial narrative is likely false, not to cast blame on other parties; It's really too shrouded in conspiracy to know what happened. But actually, Victor Yushenko himself believes he was poisoned by pro-EU former Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko's ally, Davyd Zhvanya. His initial diagnosis was refuted by a commission established by his own legislature. Why would Tymoshenko, from his own party, want Yushenko poisoned? His poisoning helped his election; once dead, she would lead the country.
No-one would want to join Russia! It is a godless, dying society.
Russia's birth rate is up 50% in the last few years. The abortion rate is down 80%. The life expectancy has gained 5 years in just 8 years. And more than 80% of Russians now identify as Christians (Yes, church attendance is in the single digits, but church attendance isn't seen as necessary as it is among Catholics and high-church Protestants.) It's the West which is now dying out.
No-one would want to join Russia! The Oligarchs control all the income!
The top 10% in Russia earn 33% of the income. In America, they control roughly half of the income. Family-run micro-farms produce 58% of the agricultural output. The GDP has increased by a factor of 10 since the post-Soviet economic collapse.
Putin doesn't allow opposition parties!
The opposition parties hold 47% of the seats in the Duma.
Putin is a Eurasianist! He's a neo-Stalinist! He's a Socialist!
The main opposition parties are Zhirinovski's Eurasianists, the communists, and the Nationalist-Socialists. Putin regularly campaigns against socialism, economic centralization, and government control in a way few but the most ballsy Westerners do. And THAT'S why socialist Lebedev, whose newspapers' commentary dominate Western reporting on Russia, hates him.
Don't bother asking for sources. Although I checked primary sources, there's not a word in here you can't verify from Wikipedia.
Svoboda Party and the Right Block are very Neo-Nazi.
Putin wanted territory, and he took it. Simple as that. (even before 0bama said he couldn't lol)
It's a DAMN GOOD THING there isn't another Hitler right now with a nation like Germany behind him. He would sweep across Europe before the State Department even got out their first sternly worded press release.
Good post.
Or Russia state-owned media, for that matter.
I don't think so. Putin didn't engineer this. He was taken by surprise. It's important to keep in mind that the cessationists are not necessarily pro-Putin. Some are, I am sure, but not the majority, by far. This movement is not about politics; it is about cultural and linguistic self-determination.
"AlthoughI checked primary sources, there's not a word in here you can't verify from Wikipedia."
Or GOP Establishment-approved media for that matter.
Or RINO-approved media for that matter.
Informative post. Thank you.
Then please don't bother posting. You've supposedly been on FR for approximately half of my lifetime and you haven't yet figured out that unsubstantiated posts are red meat for FReepers?
Absent sources a post like yours is just a mere vanity.
>> Or GOP Establishment-approved media for that matter. <<
>> Or RINO-approved media for that matter. <<
Did you read the article before posting? Because each and every point contradicts the MSM narrative directly.
Do you have any information which contradicts any of these points? Besides the Yushenko poisoning (which I noted the truth of which is just about impossible to intangle)?
Sure. I'll post some links when you do.
Just so. Putin did not start this mess. He stepped in after violent revolutionaries overthrew the elected government of Ukraine.
And that revolution was funded by George Soros and his buddies, and the CIA.
Putin stepped in AFTER that happened. He was not about to let revolutionaries take over Ukraine and persecute the Russian speakers there, or make trouble for Russia.
Soros made a big, stupid mistake. And now the Ukrainians are paying for it.
Add to that, of course, the evident fact that Obama is a cowardly jerk and John Kerry is a ding berry. And the Defense secretary is a Communist whose assigned job is to destroy our military. And so forth.
So, Putin didn't start this. But now he finds a golden opportunity to undo some of the agreements Russia made with the West when it was much weaker.
It's actually considered poor form to cite references to "encyclopedic knowledge."
There's a lot natural gas in Crimea, especially offshore.
I read that if tapped, might eventually be equivalent of 10% of Ukraine annual consumption.
Russia is going to build a pipeline to Crimea, will take 2 years.
Well done!
Thanks for the post.
The Soviet Union gifted the Crimea to Ukraine in 1954.
The Russians want Crimea for Sevastopol, its only warm water port.
Poverty engenders many extremist parties.
Because oil is at ~$100 Russian income is at around $22k GDP per capita and the neo-Nazi movement very prevalent in Russia in the 90's has receded. Most of Russia's wealth is concentrated in Greater Moscow. Calling the Russian Communist Party and A Just Russia Party headed by one of Putin's close buddies "opposition" parties is a farce. They are a window dressing for Russian "democracy." They are part of Putin's state apparatus.
Ukraine with a GDP per capita of ~$4k is a breeding ground for extremist of all kinds including Neo-Fascist. There are strong Neo-Fascist(Nazi) movements inside the EU like Hungary, Austria, and Greece. But they are a small minority in Ukrainian Government.
Ukrainians have the right to protest and Parliament has the right to remove the president, which the Ukrainian Parliament exercised. No coup.
Thought this might be of interest to you.
I lean towards your interpretation of events, but the incredible thing is how unnecessary it is to interpret events! If Crimea weren't so pro-Russian, there's no way Putin would want — or be able to afford — a restive, occupied province. He's got his hands full. Is he Macchiavellian? Before answering that, people should note the central thesis of Macchiavelli was that his sponsor should NOT occupy Corsica.
"Poor form?" Whose stylebook are you using? I would argue that it is "poor form" to present debatable conjectures as "encyclopedic knowledge."
Agreed! And, I certainly agree with Putin on several issues. But, he did invade another country for shaky reasons (yeah, I know we invaded Irag for shaky reasons, so spare me that comment please........).
In addition, he is dropping hints at invading other countries including Finland.
So, minimally, Putin remains on the "dubious" list.
Of course. Those Russian troops that crossed the border simply "lost their way."
I agree that the MSM narrative is being contradicted by your thread.
RINOS and the GOP-e probably don't agree, though.
Don't bother. The erasing of posts seems to extend to some by not all. I use Ad Homs IN REPLY to Ad Homs hurled at me (without provocation) and nothing apparently gets done. OTOH, when I...
Oh, please. The notion that Zyuganov is a buddy of Putin is so idiotic it is impossible to comment on.
The parliament only ousted Yanukovich after he had already fled the country and the parliament literally had armed mobs occupying its halls. They might as well have announced, "Ratify our actions or die!"
The 22K income per capita is by far the highest its even been in Russia, wealthier than the vast majority of the Earth, and six times what it was when Putin took over in the 1990s.
More "encyclopedic knowledge?"
Russia is the largest country in the world. The last thing
Putin needs is more territory.
OK, which one of these posts (besides the Yushenko poisoning) do you even consider debatable?
Is there some contention as to who owned Crimea in 1650? 1750? 1850? 1950?
Is there some contention as to which are the largest ports in the Ukraine?
Is there some contention as to whether or not there are pipelines through the Crimea?
Is there some contention as to whether Kiev is really the wealthiest part of the Ukraine, as opposed to the Crimea?
Is there some contention as to whether or not Svoboda glorifies the Banderites? Or whether the Banderites wiped out the Poles in Western Ukraine?
Is there some contention about how far around the Sea of Azov you have to travel to go from Russian to Crimea? Or that a bridge is being built to make the trip just two miles across the straits of Kerch?
You tell me where I posted a contestible point as fact, and I'll happily note it.
One way to start would be to compare your last post with your original. Note which "items" you left off the second list, and you'll have a good idea what's debatable.
The pathetic, laughable thing is that every one of the "myths" I contradict has been presumed true by mainstream AND "conservative" authors without anyone fact-checking, let alone sourcing.
So your "encyclopedic" sources are contradicted by others, encyclopedic or otherwise?
They risk it. Mother Russia can be cruel to unfaithful...
Oh please! I stopped because I thought I had beaten a dead horse long enough! Is it contestible that Tymoshenko was recorded calling for the death of all Russians in the Ukraine? No; I noted her intents by saying that were contestible, and I avoided drawing the conclusion that she wanted them all dead. I only allowed the reader to draw their own conclusion whether a Russian in Donetsk might not want her as their ruler. So again, which item do you debate?
Now, I admit I have actually been contradicted in the past with conspiracists that the UN echoed the falsified data regarding Russian birth rates, death rates, etc., But that quickly fell into the argument that no source was good enough (except my opponent's own intuition). But again, just go look that up in Wikipedia, and you'll find endless sources.
Now you're being purposely stupid. I noted that there was no fact-checking at all, let alone sourcing.
I'm confused.
Nobody cares about any of your opinions. Therefore your points are moot.
You have made it clear on this forum that you desire to disparage others for expressing opinions. Even if they post vanity threads to debate those opinions with others you pop in (instead of just turning off the vanity posts in your settings) to tell them how much you despise vanity threads.
Your attitude and the intellectual vacuum from which it derives negates any contemplation of your input which might otherwise occur.
Svoboda Party and the Right Block are very Neo-Nazi.
I found this the other night while researching just how deeply some Ukrainians vested in the Nazis. They were able to raise an entire division, not for the Wehrmacht, but for the Waffen SS - 14th Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS (1st Ukrainian).
In early August of last year there were some festivities to honor and celebrate those happy days. From that well known Russian propaganda source, yahoo.
Russian neo-Nazis came to help celebrate the nostalgic moment. A good time seems to have been had by all.
What a toxic, tangled mess.
I'll take this one. Let's look at what you posted:
[Question] Surely the HEADS of the Maidan aren't Nazis, though!You imply she is a Nazi, and it is debatable, despite your "encyclopedic" knowledge, and those "mainstream AND 'conservative'" authors who suggest otherwise.
[Answer] Julia Tymoshenko, the once and probably future Prime Minister of the Ukraine, was recorded in a phone conversation that the only way to establish secure rule over the Ukraine would be to kill all Russians.
Your opinion means nothing to me. Nothing has changed.
Sergey Mironov, the leader of A Just Russia Party, is a buddy of Putin.
The Communist Party of Russia is not an opposition party and part of Ruling Mafia, even if Zyuganov and Putin are not best buds. Saying otherwise is completely ignorant of the facts on the ground.
"Ratify our actions or die! you must be confused because I think that is the United Russia Party slogan.
Yes,Russia has the highest GDP per capita income ever. It is in a middle income country trap. It depends and concentrates efforst on exporting raw materials while letting Russia's manufacturing and engineering capabilities atrophy. Russia is a boom/bust country depending on global price of its raw materials like Saudi Arabia or Brazil. To become healthy it needs to dramatically increase its birth rate but it can not dramatically increase its oil reserve base.
But I congratulate Putin for not being as stupid as the General Secretaries of the Communist Party. It is like being the smartest kid on the short bus.
Ukraine and events from the Arab Spring, along with the idea of nation building shows us how unique and fragile the American Republic was and why we need to fight like hell to restore it.
I didn't imply she was a Nazi. I implied a contradiction to the notion that she surely is NOT a Nazi. I then explicitly proceeded to suggest she may NOT be a Nazi (something lost when you took MY quote out of context), but that the citizens of Donetsk may nonetheless be uneasy being ruled by someone who stated she wanted them all dead.
I'll admit, I wouldn't even know HOW to source something which was not actually stated.
You forget one major player/culprit, the EU. The European Union probably spent just as much money if not more than the US during the last years to support and build up pro-EU sentiment in Ukraine.
(I'll try and post some links later, but in the meantime anyone interested can search "Ukraine" at the blog Eureferendum.com )
>> Sergey Mironov, the leader of A Just Russia Party, is a buddy of Putin. The Communist Party of Russia is not an opposition party and part of Ruling Mafia, even if Zyuganov and Putin are not best buds. Saying otherwise is completely ignorant of the facts on the ground. <<
I do not mean this rhetorically: I would love to know more of what you are talking about. As I note, I cannot know what is in Putin's heart... and it is admittedly enigmatic. Since the Communist Party opposes everything Putin does, since they violently protested his re-election, since their puppet minion controls (Lebedev) controls half of the papers in the UK and incessantly writes the most ridiculous trash about Putin, I find it easier to believe that the Republican Party are just fake opponents for the Democrats. But the notion that they are led by a patsy is very intriguing to me.
>> Ratify our actions or die! you must be confused because I think that is the United Russia Party slogan. <<
More over-heated rhetoric which makes it hard to take you seriously.
>>Yes,Russia has the highest GDP per capita income ever. It is in a middle income country trap. It depends and concentrates efforst on exporting raw materials while letting Russias manufacturing and engineering capabilities atrophy. Russia is a boom/bust country depending on global price of its raw materials like Saudi Arabia or Brazil. To become healthy it needs to dramatically increase its birth rate but it can not dramatically increase its oil reserve base. <<
This part, I absolutely agree on. But Putin HAS dramatically increased Russia's birth rate, by an astounding 50%. (Any more direct actions would get a lot of husbands very jealous!) And the manufacturing base HAS grown. This criticism comes from a country with a collapsing birth rate, and shrinking manufacturing base.
Its important to keep in mind that the cessationists are not necessarily pro-Putin
The "secessionists" have first class weaponry and equipment. That equipment didn't fall off a cabbage truck, FRiend.
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I was talking to Erik Hare yesterday about how we both have blog posts in some sort of process for days, sometimes even weeks. I've already written shells of the blog posts for Friday, Sunday, and Monday. And I have a half-written guest post for Troy Claus.
Typically, I walk Jack Bauer and I think about that day's intro (and also curse Marcus Sheridan because I know he's still asleep…long after I finish my the walk AND my writing).
But today? Today I have nothing. I mean, literally nothing.
So what do I do for inspiration? I head over to the Harvard Business Review blogs. I'm sure to find something there.
Let's see if I'm right.
There is a lot on the "problem" of entrepreneurship in America and quite a bit on failure.
Been there, done that.
There are a couple of pieces on the New York Times paywall and one of them is from Alexandra Samuel (who I love). That could be interesting.
Even the 10 most popular aren't really striking my fancy.
No. I know the reason I'm not creative this morning and maybe you can help.
Yesterday we spent more than half our day discussing ecommerce pricing. We're really stabbing in the dark here because no one on the team is an ecommerce marketer. And do you know, NO ONE writes about it (I'll soon change that)?!
No. I found leaked information on how AOL makes their money. How to market to people who abandon the cart. Lots on the legalities of doing business online (who knew you have to learn an entirely different language?). Even information on using an outside email marketing company to deliver your information (vs. keeping it inside your content management system). BTW, TJ McCue wrote that article and doesn't make a recommendation in there, but I saw him comment on a blog that he was most impressed with StreamSend.
But I can't find anything on whether or not to give free trials. How long to give free trials. What to offer in the free trial. Whether or not to get credit card information before giving a free trial. The stats on who leaves a site if they're asked for their credit card number before gaining access to a free trial. The conversion rates on free trials to subscriptions. Not even stats on who even comes back to the site after registering for a free trial.
Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
In our focus group of two, Lisa Gerber says, if a site asks for her credit card information before giving her a free trial, she leaves the site. And I say, if they ask, I give it, test the crap out of the free trial, and then decide whether or not I'm going to cancel.
So, you see, we can't come to a consensus.
What do I do when I can't find information that is eventually going to be valuable to you? I ask YOU!
You tell us. What do you think?
Leave a Reply
66 Comments on "eCommerce Marketing: Do Free Trials Work?"
and yes, I agreed with Lisa and not you, Gini. Man I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me. At least we still have the toilet paper!
@KenMueller I think your example of the report is completely different – that sounds like they were trying to pull one over on you. I don't like that one bit! But I hear you on your second paragraph. I'm totally cool with you not agreeing with me. As long as we still have the toilet paper!
@ginidietrich yes, a report is different, but the way it was presented, it seemed like something a bit different. It surprised me for this company.
@KenMueller Yeah – that would be totally surprising to me. Don't act like there's not a charge only to whop people with a fee. I'd be curious to know what their shopping card abandon rate is.
@johnfalchetto @KenMueller I agree John for certain products/services should be paid for up front. With the kicker of if you know the user will find true value and benefit once they do a free trial…then you will have a lot o conversions. It also is not as much about product as the user. There needs to be a match. How do you reduce the number of free trials from people who aren't a fit for your product and sometimes a fee up front will do that.
@HowieSPM @johnfalchetto like a lot of online things it comes down to properly communicating and managing expectations. I can't tell you how often I get emails from big name companies that are respected in the industry, and they tell me about some new software or enterprise solution, and I can't figure out what the heck it does! Give me a short video or tutorial that shows me how it works, what it will do for me, and what the interface looks like. That would help me decide whether it's a fit for me. Don't leave me guessing.
@johnfalchetto I just did the same with HBR! And don't think you weren't in my head during our meeting yesterday. I guess what we're really trying to decide is what do we offer the people who've never heard of us? Is the blog enough (it won't change and will always be free) to engage them and give them what they need to make a purchase decision? Perhaps it is.
@HowieSPM Please send your invoice, and yourself, to my office ASAP.
@HowieSPM Amen
@ginidietrich I agree with dannybrown on this, the blog is the shop front and should remain free.
If you start giving away more where do you draw the line? Again I think we need to make a big difference between apps. and content, or products vs. expertise.
@joey_strawn don't worry Joey. You still have the Thunder. I am from NY. We steal Thunda!
I'm a fan of the test drive. I downloaded Apple's photo software, Aperture on Monday. Apple is giving me 30 days gratis, and as previous posts have stated, Apple reminds me of how many days I have left until all the potential goodness I'm playing with goes away. The opposite is a site like Third Tribe — $97 bucks up front and $47 every month after. It tells me what I'm getting, but I'd rather know what I'll really get based on a month of actual experience. Show me first, ask me later.
Sorry to jump in so late here Gini but I just woke up 😉
Sounds like I could fit well on your team though. If there's one place where I'm a complete dufus, it's with ecommerce.
Notwithstanding, free trials should be the model, IMO, if it's an option.
@Marcus_Sheridan LOL! Brat! So you could join the team and we'll all look at each other and wonder about ecommerce. Awesome!
@joey_strawn @HowieSPM Now my head hurts again.
@rachaelseda Lisa is LOVING that everyone agrees with her. She said, "I'm kicking your ass!" Ouch.
@write4unj This is actually really helpful because, the way you describe, it sounds really unethical. And that is something we're not. Thanks for bringing a different bent!
@BobReed So you didn't have to give your credit card number to Apple to test drive?
@sydcon_mktg I might have to hire you to come in for a couple of days and help us think this through, Jen!
@ginidietrich I can't believe how many points you have. I should start considering a point cap until I catch up 😛
@jkretch What?! No caps!! You'd better just start commenting on more blogs.
@ginidietrich @Marcus_Sheridan I sell lessons for $9.97 per month…
Not at all. Just downloaded like any other free app.
@ginidietrich @sydcon_mktg Love this idea.
@Lisa Gerber @ginidietrich Works for us!! 🙂
I like this model, for software that you can control the functionality of.
@ginidietrich @rachaelseda Only you guys can make it a competition.
@rustyspeidel @rachaelseda that was EXACTLY my point when i told @ginidietrich that I was kicking her ass. : ) everything is a competition.
Why not find the perfect middle ground? Have an initial free trial period, and if they want to continue the free trial, they have to give Credit Card information. I have no idea if this is the most effective idea, but it would keep people from being scared, and allow you to have the more solidified handle on your potential customers.
Just agreeing with others that 1) I won't give my CC up front and 2) I need that trial period to see what works, what doesn't, if it improves my workflows, if I need support, if they have decent support and so on. It does vary per what the item is; is it software, is it content? That will impact how I use it on a regular basis, my ROI. Interesting to see what data you find, FWIW.
@Lisa Gerber @rustyspeidel @rachaelseda When you work here EVERYTHING is a competition!
@rustyspeidel But you don't like it if it's, say, content?
@DannyBrown Tell me about the $9.97, Danny. Why did you choose the price point? Why not $9.98 or $9.99?
@ginidietrich @DannyBrown Because 7 sounds sexy. I'm pretty sure that's the scientific reason, although I'm no scientist. I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once in my life though.
@ginidietrich Because it's more than 6, and 5 is just neither here nor there.
Hi Gini! Have you looked at MarketingSherpa? I thought I saw a report that included just what you're looking for. I'll try and check later tonight.
p.s. Thanks for the shoutout.
@ginidietrich @Lisa Gerber @rustyspeidel @rachaelseda Bahaha too funny!! I love it! I'd hate to see a company dodge ball game.
@TJMcCue I hadn't gone to MarketingSherpa – I'll do that now. Thanks!
@3HatsComm I think I'm going to concede this point and move ahead with the free trial, no credit card.


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As signing day approaches, it's fun to take a look back at how some of the Big Ten's top recruits from years past fared on the college stage.
ESPN Recruiting took a comprehensive look back at the 2007 recruiting class: how the top players fared, who met expectations, who exceeded them and who turned out to be a bust. It also revised the team recruiting class rankings.
Here's how some of the Big Ten recruits in the ESPNU 150 fared:
Illinois LB Martez Wilson (No. 5 nationally): After recording 73 tackles as a sophomore for the Fighting Illini, Wilson's junior season was cut short due to a herniated disc and he was granted a medical hardship. In 2010, he had 104 tackles, four sacks and two forced fumbles.
Michigan QB Ryan Mallett (No. 12): As a true freshman, he played in 11 games for Michigan before transferring to Arkansas. After sitting out a year due to transfer rules, Mallett started all 13 games in 2009 and threw for more than 3,600 yards and 30 touchdowns. He completed an Arkansas single-season record 242 passes in 2010 and is expected to be drafted in the first round of the 2011 NFL draft.
Illinois WR Arrelious Benn (No. 17): He was named Big Ten Freshman of the Year and followed that up in 2008 by earning first-team All-Big Ten honors, as well as being named team MVP. He was given honorable mention All-Big Ten as a junior and drafted in the second round of the 2010 NFL draft by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He is currently the team's No. 2 WR.
Michigan WR Junior Hemingway (No. 19): Hemingway played in 10 games as a freshman and redshirted in 2008 due to mononucleosis. Hemingway was the Wolverine's fourth-leading receiver in 2009 and third-leading receiver in 2010. He has started 18 contests at wideout in his career.
Wisconsin T Josh Oglesby (No. 28): After redshirting in Oglesby he played in 13 games as a sophomore and started every game in 2009. However, a knee injury in Week 2 ended his 2010 season.
Ohio State S Eugene Clifford (No. 37): After playing in four games for the Buckeyes in 2007, he was suspended for violating unspecified team rules and then kicked off the team before the 2008 season after being charged with assault. He transferred to Tennessee State where he finished his career with 204 tackles and was named as a first-team FCS All-American in 2010.
Minnesota QB Clint Brewster (No. 45): After redshirting in 2007, Brewster went to the College of Sequoias in 2008. He joined the Tennessee Tech roster in July 2008, but has sat on the bench since.
Illinois DT D'Angelo McCray (No. 64): McCray redshirted at Illinois in 2007, before transferring to Eastern Illinois. After playing in 2008 for Eastern Illinois, he transferred to Coffeyville Community College in 2009 and then transferred to Memphis University in 2010 totaling six tackles.
Michigan CB Donovan Warren (No. 86): In 2007, he played in all 13 games and totaled 35 tackles and one forced fumble. He was on the Freshman All-America Team and was named the Big Ten Defensive Freshman of the Year. In 2008, he started 10 games at corner and one at safety, recording 36 tackles. As a junior, he started all 12 games at corner, totaling 66 tackles, four interceptions and 11 pass breakups.
Michigan S Mike Williams (No. 94): After not seeing any game action in 2007, he played in 11 games in 2008, including nine at safety. In 2009, he started nine games at safety and played in 10, registering 56 tackles. In 2010, he appeared in two games before missing the rest of the season due to a head injury.
Iowa T Bryan Bulaga (No. 96): He played in seven games as a true freshman, starting five. In 2008, he started all 13 games at left tackle, earning second-team All-Big Ten honors. As a junior, he made 10 starts at left tackle and was named Big Ten Offensive Lineman of the Year. He was drafted No. 23 overall by the Green Bay Packers in 2010 and is the team's starting right tackle.
Ohio State moved up to No. 7 in the revised class rankings, while Michigan fell out of the top 10.
Michigan's Hemingway and Jerimy Finch, a safety who signed with Florida before transferring to Indiana, are listed among the recruiting busts of the 2007 class.


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Columbia Kids Snowtop™ II Bunting (Infant)SKU: #8143463
Product Information
- Columbia Infant and Toddler Size Chart
- Columbia Little Kids and Big Kids Size Chart
- Keep your baby warm and cozy while enjoying the outdoors this winter.
- Full zipper front closure with optional hand and feet covers.
- Soft fleece with an attached hood.
- 100% polyester.
- Machine wash cold and tumble dry low.
- Imported.
- Measurements:
- Inseam: 7 in
- Shoulder to Crotch: 14 in
- Shoulder to Toe: 20 in
- Product measurements were taken using size 0-3 Months. Please note that measurements may vary by size.
Customer Reviews Provided by Zappos
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- Most Helpful |
- Newest
I love this thing. I use it as a coat. It is easy to put the kid in the car seat without all the fuss of a big thick coat. This keeps the kid warm and I think it's super cute. I live in south Texas and it doesn't get extremely cold down here. Maybe the person that wrote the negative review experiences much colder weather than we do.
- Anonymous - customer
- October 6, 2014
Not worth the price. I was expecting something thicker and more insulating. This is definitely not it. Should be advertised as a sleeper. If you are looking for a one piece suit for the a cold winter day this will probably not work. I returned mine.
- Anonymous - customer
- November 29, 2013


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SOON, IT MAY not be so easy for teenagers to use tanning salons in Philadelphia.
City Council approved a bill yesterday that would require minors to be accompanied by adults at the salons and ban those younger than 14 from indoor tanning unless they have a doctor's note. Mayor Nutter is expected to sign off on the bill, sponsored by Councilman Bill Greenlee.
At Council's session, Kelly Andrews, a representative for the American Cancer Society, called for a stronger bill.
"Parental consent is not an effective or reliable barrier to tanning," Andrews said. "Parents who do not understand the serious risk posed by indoor-tanning beds, and who allow their teens to use them, will unknowingly put their children in harm's way."


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Are Introverted Travelers More Skeptical of Strangers?
Travel Blog • Eva Holland • 09.30.09 | 2:25 PM ET
That's the question posed by World Hum contributor Sophia Dembling, in her latest blog post over at The Introvert's Corner. It's an interesting one, and the logical follow-up—is introvert skepticism an obstacle preventing interaction with the locals, a useful safety device, or both?—is too. For more on introverts out in the big wide world, check out Sophia's Confessions of an Introverted Traveler and Six Tips for Introverted Travelers.
2 Comments for Are Introverted Travelers More Skeptical of Strangers?
Lindsey 10.01.09 | 11:32 AM ET
Thanks for the pass over link Eva- quite an intriguing notion. For some of us, social is a skill we cultivate, goodness knows Ive had to.
Grizzly Bear Mom 10.01.09 | 11:32 AM ET
No we are not. Introverts like people just fine, we are good friends, and friendly travelrs. It's just that because socializing drains our energy, so we can only do it for so long before we have to go home and power up through solitude.
There are also different degrees of introversion. Because I am an extroverted introvert, people don't believe I am one. Also, because I work in Human Resources, my energy gets used up at work so I go home to reload and use the voice mail and door to screen visitors. (I purchased those TOOLS for that exact purpose!) Loved ones are trained to call out my name and I let them in even if I am "peopled out". Thank goodness I live in a culture where I can do so.
I enjoy meaningful conversation, and time with a few friends of long standing. Maybe because I have less "socializing energy", I don't spend it on idle chatter or in large groups where the conversation will be superficial.
I do prison visitations which requires me to socialize for five hours at a time, which is exhausting. (Maybe also because it is depressing.) However I do it because it is my value. My friends tell me that I am a good one.
Because I value solitude and creativity, I sympathize with people who need others to be energized, and wonder if that accounts for some of the unhealthy relationships I see. That sounds dangerous to me, like the example of the woman in the bar.


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A homeowner safely escaped a house fire in the city's northeast area early Wednesday morning.
The homeowner told KMBC-TV that a smoke alarm woke him up, alerting him to the fire about 4:30 a.m.
The man and quickly got out of the house, which is on Thompson Avenue near Benton Boulevard.
Kansas City firefighters brought the fire under control. The cause of the blaze is under investigation.


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Family Fun Crafts: 16 Craft Ideas for Kids
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Peek a Boo Candy Box
By: Raven Baca for Craftwell
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Share smiles with the kiddies when you give them this Peek a Boo Candy Box. Made with cardstock and the eCraft machine from Craftwell, your Halloween treat prep will be a dream. Trick or treat with halloween crafts for kids.
- eCraft machine
- SVGattic.com Fun Favors Collection
- SVGattic.com Ravenclaw Manor
- Collection
- Cardstock for milk box crate 10x 8 ½
- Cardstock for Tombstone 3" x 3"
- Cardstock for skull cut: 2 ½" x 2 ½"
- Wood paper for Heart: 1" x 1"
- Twine 1 yard
- Sentiment Stamp (Crafty Sprouts
- Monster Kisses)
- Heart Punch
- White gel pen
- Black button
- Using Fun Favors SVG Collection and eCraftshop Software, cut out the milk carton box from the Elegant Eggplant cardstock at inputed size with the eCraft (Final size will be 2 ½" x 4").
- Using Ravenclaw Manor SVG set and eCraftshop Software, cut out the tombstone at 2 ½" x 3" and the skull at 2" X 2".
- Adhere the milk carton with liquid adhesive.
- Using White gel pen faux stitch around the tombstone.
- Tie a bow using twine & Wrap twine around the top of the milk carton.
- After your first knot is tied add your button and Tie another knot.
- Adhere wood heart to twine and skull.
- Adhere completed skull to tombstone.
- Stuff the milk carton with candy.
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Select Physicians Alliance26853 Foggy Creek Rd Ste 101 Wesley Chapel, FL 33544
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In addition to providing complete otolaryngology services for adults and children in the Tampa area, Tampa ENT Associates also offers hearing care. This includes complete audiological examinations and hearing aid services. The audiologists work in conjunction with the ENT physicians to ensure comprehensive care for patients.
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As part of the inaugural D23 Expo in 2009, Disney celebrated the legacy of Donald Duck by offering Disney fans the opportunity to create an official portrait for the Disney icon and Stitch Kingdom was on hand when the rare, coveted Duckster Award went to winner Jennifer Sleeper.
Although a Duckster isn't likely to be in the cards for the winner of the 2011 art contest, Disney D23 is once again inviting fans to celebrate the magic of Disney's history by create art, this time commemorating the Walt Disney animated classic One Hundred and One Dalmatians which celebrates its 50th anniversary in 2011.
Toy Story Playland opened earlier this week at Disneyland Paris and the Resort has just published the following package video covering the grand opening. In addition to the ribbon cutting ceremony, the video includes time-lapse photography of the area's construction (as well as the construction of Buzz, pictured left) and on-board videos of attractions such as RC Racer and Toy Soldiers Parachute Drop.
On the heels of the hi-res poster for The Tempest, which we brought to you yesterday, Miramax Films and Walt Disney Studios has also provided to us this still from the film which features Helen Mirren, Felicity Jones and Djimon Hounsou. The still has been added to our gallery for the film, seen below.
New DisneyStore.com arrivals for August 19, 2010
Below is a list of new items now available for purchase at DisneyStore.com. Clicking on a product's image or description will launch the product's page on DisneyStore.com in another window.
Note that this list is generated and posted automatically. Stitch Kingdom should not be held responsible for any inaccuracies, misinformation or item availability.
|Halloween Tinker Bell Snowglobe Gift Box – $29.50
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|Organic Halloween Mickey and Friends Tee — Purple – $12.50
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|Organic Mickey Mouse and Friends Halloween Tee – $16.50
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|Organic Graveyard Mickey Mouse and Friends Halloween Tee – $12.50
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|Disney Halloween Trick-or-Treat Sweatshirt – $19.50
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|Mickey Mouse and Friends Halloween Sweatshirt – $24.50
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KTLA is reporting that a male guest fell from the Tower of Terror at Disney California Adventure at the Disneyland Resort last night. According to the article, the incident was reported at approximately 10:30 PM PT and the man was immediately transported to the UCI Medical Center but little else is known at this time including his condition or how (and from where) he fell.
UPDATE: According to KABC-TV, the victim is a 19 year old male who was intoxicated at the time he fell approximately 20-25 feet from a railing in the queue he had climbed over. Allegedly, the victim preceded the non-simulated drop with the line 'wouldn't it be funny if I fell?' Answer: apparently not.
A star-powered, 16-act Christian music lineup will herald the return of Night of Joy to Magic Kingdom Sept. 10-11, with 2010 "Artist of the Year" Casting Crowns plus three other "Artist of the Year" recipients topping a bill featuring seven additional acts that have won Dove Awards or Grammy Awards. Other "Artist of the Year" winners performing during the 28th edition of the Walt Disney World event are Chris Tomlin (2006 and 2007), mercyme (2004) and Third Day (2001).
Also part of the two-night event (when specific acts play one evening each): David Crowder*Band, Family Force 5, Red, BarlowGirl, Group 1 Crew, Day of Fire, Smokie Norful, Lecrae, Tenth Avenue North, Sidewalk Prophets, Thousand Foot Krutch and Britt Nicole.
Recently featured in Travel + Leisure, recognized by Apple's iTunes team and highly rated amongst its customers, everyone now has a rare opportunity to pick up the best-selling Disney World Wait Times, Dining and Maps by Undercover Tourist for free thanks to the FreeAppADay project.
Features of the app include:
Miramax Films and Walt Disney Studios have provided us with this hi-res version of the recently released poster for The Tempest adapted from the Shakespeare play by Julie Taymor and starring Helen Mirren, Russell Brand, Reeve Carney, Tom Conti, Chris Cooper, Alan Cumming, Djimon Hounsou, Felicity Jones, Alfred Molina, David Strathairn and Ben Whishaw. The poster joins our gallery for the film seen below. As always, click on the thumbnail to see the larger version and then click on the re-size icon in the photo to view it at full size.
Amazon.com has now listed a ten disc set for the Toy Story 3 trilogy to be released on November 2, the same day the film is being released on its own. Don't let the ten disc description fool you, however, it appears to just simply refer to the 3 disc Toy Story (Blu-ray/DVD/Digital Copy), 3 disc Toy Story 2 (Blu-ray/DVD/Digital Copy) and 4 disc Toy Story 3 (2 Blu-ray/DVD/Digital Copy).
For more information (as it becomes available) or to pre-order the Toy Story Ultimate Toy Box Collection, click here.


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I read the other negative reviews and almost canceled my reservation - but I didn't. First thing I did was take a big sniff for smoke when I opened the door - nothing!
L-shaped two-story property all with outdoor entrances.My room was on the first floor along the short side of the "L" - it the back of the building, The area was well lit at night but I wasn't too happy about the location.
The room was clean as was the bathroom. It's an older property so don't go looking for 'newness.' It's a place to stay while visiting - not a place to hang out with kids on a rainy day unless the kids bring their own electronic entertainment. Did not use the WiFi, The flat screen TV was new - 30 channels - king bed - clean sheets. Bathroom towels need to be replaced with fluffier ones. Iron and ironing board were all OK. There's a pool but I did not use it. Friendly staff. I got what i paid for.
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text: Investor Clinic Video: Investor Clinic: What's your best bet in ETFs? Add to ... The Globe and Mail Published Wednesday, Aug. 22, 2012 7:25PM EDT Last updated Thursday, May 02, 2013 12:15PM EDT The Globe and Mail's John Heinzl takes a closer look at the Vanguard Consumer Staples ETF and what it can do for your portfolio. Watch More Video: Best moments from the Royal Family's trip to Canada Team Canada 'gelled right away': Sidney Crosby Rogers to kill print editions of four magazines KitKat maker Nestlé on a health kick Deutsche seeks to reassure as shares plunge China's new property fever spreads to ghost towns Paris car show plugs into electric future Royal couple, Prince George and Princess Charlotte are the life of the tea party Homa Hoodfar home after being held prisoner in Iran Japanese retailer Uniqlo aims to tap into Toronto's 'unique style' Germany's Commerzbank to cut 9,600 jobs Markets query OPEC deal Trick or treat? McDonald's scares up chocolate and pumpkin fries in Japan Money Talk: Canada's mixed economic signals German lawmakers quiz Draghi BlackBerry outsources phone design Canada has dominated the World Cup of Hockey Team Canada critical of Game 1 performance despite win How investors should view BlackBerry BlackBerry revenue misses expectations Comments AA More Related to this Story ETFs Hit the brakes on transportation ETFs this summer ETFs Covered-call ETFs: Beware the gap between expectation and reality ETFs Hot, hot heat driving energy sector investors Follow us on Twitter: @GlobeBusiness


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Once again I shall try to beat the rush of reviews by about nine hours. Don't worry, the movie doesn't suck… well, at least that is not the view of a Harry Potter fan from his first viewing. It was exciting, daring, fun, frightening and of course beautiful. Most of the problems the movie had reminded me of The Sorcerers Stone its problems.
What do you do with tons of characters and plot lines? The first movie dealt with this issue in a straight forward way: get as much in as possible and don't worry about the rest. Movie three, The Prisoner of Azkaban, had a much better approach: tell a story that people will remember. As an audience member, the story is what I really want to see, not a useless interaction that pertains to nothing in the movie. In movie one I felt Nearly Headless Nick was pretty pointless, yet he spoke more than just a few lines. Movie four has that sort of character, and her name is Rita Skeeter. She is introduced, makes a fuss over, and then is dropped like owl guano out of the plot. I couldn't tell you, at this point, what purpose she had in the film at all.
The new director lacks something… oh…. what is that thing called? Oh yeah! Subtlety (something I wasn't blessed with either). At times I felt like I was being prodded in the rib by the director as if he was asking for my acceptance. To his credit there were fits of greatness in the film, some of Mad Eye Moody's scenes were absolutely wonderful, but with so much plot to plow through it is a wonder we got so see any character development at all. Maybe that sort of attention to detail was just leftovers from Prisoner (which was the best "movie" out of the four, although some complain it was too unfaithful to the book).
When all was said and done the movie was still a pleasure. To see the book on film was a treat, with wonderful visuals and pretty good acting as a whole to boot just made my day. At times it was even thrilling and almost scary, but just heed this caution: If you don't already know the subtext you won't learn it from this film (exceptions being blatantly obvious non-subtle pokes in the rib).


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Working on your weekly lesson plans? This Sunday blog series, Lively Lessons, will provide you with Discovery Education content and lesson plan ideas. The human genome contains more than three billion nucleotides! That's a lot! Are you looking for ways to challenge your science students? Look no further! A collection of titles from Howard
I Am An Engineer
Last week engineering was trending on twitter due to the hashtags #IAmAnEngineer and #ILookLikeAnEngineer. These hashtags are focused on breaking down stereotypes in engineering and promoting the many types of people who are engineers. Unfortunately, engineering is an industry that people often have a very fixed perception of what an "engineer" is and many students
STEM Education in Rural Schools: Challenge = Opportunity
Posted on behalf of John Hill, Executive Director, National Rural Education Association. As I travel around the country, I hear the concerns about opportunities for rural students to study the STEM areas, learn about STEM career opportunities, the availability of Internet and cell service, and the difficulties recruiting and retaining STEM teachers in rural areas.
New Horizons: Opening a World of Possibilities for Students
July 14th marked a historic day for NASA and space exploration, after a nine-year journey the New Horizons spacecraft flew by Pluto providing us with a number of firsts for space exploration. It marks the first time we have seen clear pictures of Pluto. And the first time in decades we are exploring an entirely new
New Science Standards Open Doors for Real World Learning
Posted on behalf of James Brown, Executive Director STEM Education Coalition. In today's economy, strong STEM skills – science, technology, engineering, and math – are a central element of a well-rounded education and every student needs to have a strong foundation in these subjects in order to land and succeed in virtually any job – from the
What are the Next Generation Science Standards?
Over the past several years, I've had the opportunity to be a part of a lot of conversations surrounding the Next Generation Science Standards (NGSS). Recently these conversations are growing in sophistication to much deeper and meaningful discussion about what the standards are and their impacts on teaching and learning. The primary focus has been
DEN STARs: Get Science Techbook™ Courtesy of 3M
Dear STAR Discovery Educator, Thank you for your active participation in the Discovery Educator Network. Discovery Education and 3M are excited to offer the Discovery Education Science Techbook™ to 300 DEN STARs for the rest of the 2014-2015 school year (ending June 30, 2015). You can sign-up and access this promotion by logging into Discovery Education and
Discovery Education Techbook Experience in Garland!
Greetings Garland ISD educators, parents, students, and the greater Garland community! You are invited to an exciting event that will showcase the power of the Discovery Education Science Techbook and other digital science resources available to all at Garland ISD! Our Discovery Education team will facilitate informative, fun-filled, and engaging hands-on activities that will thrill and inspire parents, students,
3M Provides Science Techbook to STAR Discovery Educators
Dear STAR Discovery Educators, Thank you so much for your active participation in the Discovery Educator Network. Because of your exclusive STAR status, Discovery Education and 3M are thrilled to provide you with access to the Discovery Education Science Techbook for the entire 2013-2014 school year. Your access will be active through June 30, 2014.
Mousey Monday!
Happy Mousey Monday from Mousey! Mousey wants to report in on a Discovery Education event from last week! Last Tuesday, May 14, members of our Discovery Education team volunteered their time to assist in an event at Chevy
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What's your "thing" this year? Do you want to work on your speed for shorter distances, or build up your endurance for longer runs? Do you want to run more trails or focus on roadwork? Instead of spreading yourself too thin, trying to do everything, pick one area to be your main focus for the year. If you want to focus on speed, spend more time doing interval, fartlek, or tempo training and forgo longer runs. You'll be more likely to accomplish your goals this way, which will leave you free to focus on accomplishing a new one next year!
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First Time Here?
I want to tell you more about me and this blog. Click HERE.
Awhile since the two of you genuinely enjoyed sex.
Or even had sex.
The circumstances that usher a married couple into little or no sex are varied, and it's possible I've heard them all.
Some of those circumstances are rooted in painful betrayals, like abuse, infidelity and pornography use.
Some are fueled by empty promises of "Not tonight. But maybe tomorrow."
And some... well... some we couldn't quite pinpoint even if we tried. Life happened, what with its babies and bills and busyness and basketball practice and broken dishwashers and brash calendars.
Life got crazy. And you didn't just push sex to the back burner. You pushed it right off the stove (ya didn't really mean to, but that's what happened).
And I also hear from pa-lenty of couples who are just exhausted and disillusioned with marriage, wrestling more with heartache and heaviness. Instead of resting with hope and happiness.
So whatever circumstances landed you at a sexually-dead marriage, maybe it's time for a new perspective.
I'm an optimist to the core! Yeah for me! And yeah for you, if you're still reading!
And I believe -- genuinely believe -- that nearly all sexually-dead marriages can be revived, if the two people in the mix are willing to walk in that direction.
I know. You hate it that I started here.
But if there are long-standing unresolved sexual struggles in your marriage, no better time than right now to start shedding light on those.
God is totally in the business of redeeming the pain of our past, whatever that may look like, and refining it into His vision for the future.
Your future likely includes hot passionate authentic sexual intimacy, if you're willing to deal with and heal from whatever messed up sex for you in first place.
Everyone wants to know what I think is the secret to great sex. Most are surprised that my answer is friendship.
But not just any friendship. The kind of friendship where a husband and wife intentionally seek after each other's company.
When was the last time you laughed with your spouse?
When was the last time the two of you did something fun together?
When was the last time you really felt like you had each other's back, understood each other's inside jokes, and longed for each other's voice?
Well, my friend, hot sex is hottest when you have endearing friendship with the person who stood next to you at the altar. No lie. It is.
Have you ever noticed that whenever "married" sex is referenced or portrayed in the media or entertainment, it's often made out to be boring and void of any real pleasure?
Sadly, sex in a marriage is used as fodder for jokes, rather than laid out as a passionate opportunity for fun and oneness.
Within the exclusivity of your marriage, you have a lot of freedom to enjoy each other's bodies. No one is privy to what's going on when you shut that bedroom door, and that kind of privacy should inspire us to make the most of it.
As long as your sexual intimacy doesn't involve any third parties (real, portrayed or imagined) and as long as neither you nor your spouse are finding pleasure in causing the other person pain (physical, emotional or spiritual), then you really have a lot of freedom to enjoy sex.
Embrace sexual passion. Enjoy each other's bodies. Try different positions. Get crazy beneath those sheets. Get loud if you want. God is the author of orgasm and sexual arousal in a marriage. Well done, God. Well done.
I know the reason a lot of wives struggle with sex is they are rarely if ever having an orgasm, either because they don't think their orgasm is important (insert sad face here) or they have a selfish husband (insert even sadder face here).
We could get rid of a lot of sexual apathy if both a husband and a wife took great care to help each other climax intensely. To do this well, you have to communicate and learn each other's bodies.
A popular post I wrote was 3 Reasons Your Husband Likes It When You Climax. I also have a ton of helpful posts over on the orgasm page on my site.
I've long said that healthy patterns are intentional and unhealthy patterns typically are unintentional (we drift into them rather than actively pursue them).
Here's the deal -- whichever way you go will become your normal if you go that way enough.
So if you are intentional about nurturing sexual intimacy and making it a priority often, then that will become your normal. If you are unintentional and let yourself drift into little or no sex, then that will become your normal.
What normal do you really want to be living?
As for me and my marriage, well... you can guess which normal we are loving and living!
One of my favorite posts of all time is Extraordinary Sex in Your Ordinary Life. You might find it encouraging too. Also consider Sheila Gregoire's post Do I Have to Live in a Sexless Marriage?
Never want to miss one of my posts? Subscribe via email on this page. And be sure to join my more than 7,000 followers on my Facebook page and 9,000 followers on Twitter.
If you know of engaged or newly-married women, please help them get their marriages off to the right start sexually by telling them about the March 5, 2016, Pursuit of Passion Event in Omaha!
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
PURSUIT OF PASSION: Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!
Posted in authentic, intimacy, marriage problems, Uncategorized Tagged with: sexual apathy, sexual intimacy in marriage, sexual struggles
Every now and then, I receive comments or emails from husbands that read like a laundry list of the worst excuses their wife has ever given for not wanting to have sex.
Sometimes I laugh.
Most often, though, I'm sad.
Yes, I know, I'm hearing only one side of the story when these husbands reach out.
But even if I were to hear both sides of the story, we would still arrive at the same picture -- marriages struggling sexually.
Until a comment I received recently, it had been awhile since I had heard the "clean sheets" excuse, meaning, "I just changed the bed and the last thing I want to do is mess up these clean sheets with sex."
Some of you have said it.
Some of you have heard it.
Ultimately, though, God longs for us to ask what our marriage means to us.
By what should a marriage be recognized?
I sure hope it's not clean linen. Sweet baby Jesus, help us if it's clean linen, because that would be sad commentary.
"Well, their marriage was nothing special. But did you see the sheets? Phenomenal. 1,200-thread count Egyptian cotton, and I swear it looked like they'd never been used, if you know what I mean."
Joking aside, this is one of those "ya gotta count the costs" sorta things in a relationship.
What if the "clean sheets" excuse really isn't the reason. What's the story behind the story, so to speak?
Is it possible that "clean sheets" is just code for some deeper struggle in your sexual relationship with your spouse (especially if it's one of many excuses on the laundry list. No pun intended)?
Whenever I speak to women's groups, I always try to at some point to bring the conversation to a "count the costs" focal point. I'm annoying that way, but some of them actually tell me afterward they appreciate this kind of candid transparency.
If there is something you and your spouse could do to heal sexual brokenness and better nurture sexual intimacy, isn't your marriage worth that kind of effort?
I think it is.
Yes, it takes courage and humility and possibly even the trusted resource of a professional Christian counselor to start digging yourself out of sexual disconnect. But there are many couples who have done it.
And along the way, they've discovered that sex is never just about sex. it's about a oneness and strengthening to a marriage that can't quite be described. Intimate and exclusive sexual intimacy is one of the main things that God designed to set marriage apart from any other human relationship.
So, when we ask the question, by what should a marriage be recognized, most Christians who have studied God's heart and word would indeed have "sex" in their answer.
If there is more to your "clean sheets" excuse than "clean sheets," I encourage you to hunger for God's truth and redemption in this tender area of your marriage.
And if there really is nothing more behind your "clean sheets" excuse? I mean, if your sexual intimacy is actually quite great, except when you've just changed the sheets?
Well, there are these crazy contraptions called towels. With a little planning, it's amazing the way they can protect clean sheets.
See, I do care. About your marriage. And your sheets.
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
PURSUIT OF PASSION: Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!
Posted in authentic, marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: sex, sexual intimacy in marriage, sexual struggles
I can feel some of you tensing up even just reading that question.
"Julie, if you're about to vilify me for kicking back with a few brewskis or a glass of wine before getting crazy beneath the sheets, I don't want to hear it."
I'm not about to vilify you. Relax.
But don't tune me out either.
I like an occasional glass of wine or beer as much as many people, but as someone who blogs about sexual intimacy in marriage, I would be careless to not devote a blog post to this topic of alcohol and sex.
And I'm not talking about alcohol addiction, because obviously if someone is addicted to alcohol, that's creating all kinds of problems in their life (sloppy sex is probably the least of those, but no doubt it's in the mix. No pun intended).
You may not be addicted to alcohol (as addiction is generally defined), yet you may still rely on a drink or two to "get you in the mood" for sex -- to the point that nearly all of your sexual encounters don't happen unless you've had something to drink first.
And for some of you, it's really not about getting in the mood -- as much as it is about numbing pain. You use a drink or two to keep at bay the emotional pain that sex triggers in you.
The pain of past sexual abuse or sexual indiscretions is too much, and you believe you're better able to manage it with a little alcohol.
Whatever the reasons, some people simply believe alcohol makes them a better lover.
Maybe you think it makes you a better lover.
But alcohol is a depressant, so its calling cards are hardly more coordination or more alertness. If anything, too much alcohol quickly will cascade you into one chaotic sexual mess.
Sure, it may be memorable.
But for all the wrong reasons.
And as far as numbing emotional pain, alcohol will never usher you into authentic and long-lasting healing. That's found only through learning from the one true Healer -- Jesus Christ -- and trusting Him as you walk a journey toward authentic healing.
I know.
This post is getting heavy, right?
And some of you are saying right now that you don't have deep issues. You just like the way alcohol helps you feel less inhibited sexually.
"Julie, after I have a drink, I loosen up!" you may say. "I feel more relaxed. I feel more sexually confident."
Your spouse may even echo that sentiment. They are totally on board with you having a drink before crawling into seduction. "The sex is better! It's like they are someone else -- a sexier version of themselves!"
So where have we arrived, now that I've painted all the above scenarios?
My hope is you are starting to see where all the circumstances start to drift into one huge underlying problem.
If you rely on alcohol to numb you or boost your sexual confidence or make you a sexier version of yourself, you likely are robbing yourself of authentic sexual freedom, in my humble opinion.
Yeah. It's true.
You may think all that alcohol-induced sexual passion is the real deal, when all the while, the real deal is just beneath the surface, waiting for you to discover it -- without alcohol as your admission ticket.
When we let go of the training-wheels alcohol appears to give us, we make room for something better.
Genuine relaxation.
Rich communication about sex.
True transparency between a husband and a wife.
Vulnerable nakedness that feels safe, not overwhelming.
There is nothing quite like experiencing sexual freedom and oneness in the exclusivity of your marriage bed without relying on alcohol to get you there.
So hear my heart when I say that if you enjoy a drink every now and then before sex, that in and of itself is not wrong.
But if you know you're using alcohol as a mask to protect yourself from true vulnerability or as a counterfeit way to build passion quickly, then I believe God has something better in store for you and your spouse.
Do you believe God has something better in store?
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
PURSUIT OF PASSION: Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!
Posted in authentic, intimacy, passion, Uncategorized Tagged with: alcohol, foreplay, sexual intimacy in marriage, sexual struggles
Occasionally, I hear from women who have struggled tremendously with vaginismus, a condition that causes the vagina to tighten, making sexual intercourse extremely painful.
So you can imagine how grateful I was to open up my email and see an alert about a new post from my fellow writer and pal Sheila Gregoire.
Sheila recently did a series on vaginismus, and highly recommend you read the series!
Profound and needed information in these posts. (I included the links further down, so keep scrolling).
Not only did Sheila suffer from this condition early in her marriage, she also has heard from countless other women.
Some of these women are bravely sharing their stories in an effort to shed more light.
Even if you have never suffered from vaginismus, reading the posts could help us all build good empathy for women who do.
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
PURSUIT OF PASSION: Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!
Posted in sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: painful sex, sexual intimacy in marriage, sexual struggles, sheila gregoire, vaginismus
The circumstances are as varied and vast as stars in the sky, as cliche as it may sound.
And there is legitimate and heart-wrenching pain within every scenario, where behind closed doors, the true character (or lack thereof) of a marriage is forged and revealed.
Many, many sexual struggles.
One person in the marriage wants nurtured healthy sexually intimacy. And the other person does not.
Another (yet less frequent) version of this scenario is the two people do want to heal, but they can't agree on what healing looks like. So they stay stuck in their corners.
Lack of mutual resolve on doing something -- anything -- about the sexual disconnect sets the foundation for more of the same. Sexual struggle becomes their normal.
"Oh. My. God. How did we get here?!" you could hear at least one of them (maybe both of them) screaming from the pit of their soul.
Sexual struggle may even become so normal that it seems completely counterintuitive and cumbersome for the couple to climb their way to a better healthier sexual normal.
And you know what?
Without even hearing all the details about such a marriage, if I would arrive on the scene, I would bet my last dollar I would find one person who genuinely and humbly wants to walk in the direction of healthy intimacy.
And one who does not.
RELATED POST: Sexual Intimacy and Marriage: I Didn't Know What I Didn't Know
I was talking to a great friend of mine the other day and we were musing about feeling excited about the new year.
Quite the segue I'm making here, huh?!
Any. Way.
My friend and I were talking about the new year, and she said her word for the year is "intentionality."
"I love that!" I said.
Being intentional about anything takes effort, which is probably why the word doesn't inspire waves of action among the vast majority of people.
Being intentional means having to fight against your natural tendency of taking the path of least resistance.
Hard. Tiring. Frustrating. Overwhelming.
And yet.
Something better at the other end of all that intentionality, if you stick with it.
There's a lot of psychology behind why we as the masses suck at this whole thing of being intentional and pursuing healthiness as our normal.
But come on. You don't want to hear a psychology lesson right now.
You don't really want to hear why you like the cheese curls and chocolate better than the chicken and cauliflower.
We generally, though, know what's healthy and what isn't. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who would say "the cheese curls are DEFINITELY healthier than the cauliflower."
And you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would say that sexual disconnect in a marriage is healthier than authentic sexual intimacy in a marriage.
Nearly all of the people who read my blog land here because nurtured sexual intimacy is far from their reality. Their norm is sexual disconnect, discouragement and, for some, desperation.
If you are reading this, either you are the one in the marriage who wants to work on healthier sexual intimacy. Or you are the one satisfied with the status quo.
Which one are you?
Could this blog post open the door to some dialogue with your spouse about sexual intimacy?
Psychology lesson aside, it all circles back to the truth that you gotta do something if you want something to look differently.
I can't give you guarantees that if you move in the direction of healthy sexual intimacy that your spouse will want to move in that direction with you.
But it's worth a shot to at least try.
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
PURSUIT OF PASSION: Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!
Posted in marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: marriage struggles, sex and marriage, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles
Sometimes people wonder why I'm so passionate about this topic of sexual intimacy in marriage.
They think my confidence in speaking openly and authentically about sex has always been there.
With ease I transition between talking about orgasm and talking about the errands I need to run... talking about sexual positions and talking about my rogue calendar.
Here's the deal though.
The vulnerable no holds barred deal.
I write and speak about sex because years ago -- what feels like a lifetime ago -- I didn't know what I didn't know.
I was a young woman in a new marriage. Any sex I had before that marriage was in the wrong context. For the wrong reasons. With the wrong men.
And here I was, a new wife, trying (or more often, not trying) to have sex in the right context.
And I didn't know what I didn't know.
I didn't know that authentic sexual intimacy was vital to the strength of our marriage -- any marriage, really. I didn't know that it had to be nurtured.
I didn't know that my then husband and I had to figure out a way to talk about it, instead of rest in the assumptions that our sexual struggles would "work themselves out."
That's what I vividly remember telling myself.
"Someday we'll figure this out. Someday this won't be so difficult."
Compounding the issue was that I was on hormonal birth control (the pill). And I had no clue it was sabotaging my sex drive, leveling out the natural peaks of desire that God designed into the physiology of a woman's cycle.
I didn't know what I didn't know.
That marriage ended nearly 8 years later for a variety of reasons. But I couldn't escape the truth that my indifferences about our sexual challenges didn't exactly have to claw their way to the top of the reason list.
Our lack of nurtured sexual intimacy easily could have been the not-so-subtle theme of our marriage and our divorce.
I didn't know what I didn't know.
It wasn't until after I was drowning in the pain of that divorce that I started to discover what I didn't know. I took an honest look at those sexual struggles, held them up against God's heart and design of sex, and had my come to Jesus moment.
I humbled myself.
Dug into God's Word.
Asked God for forgiveness for my lack of sexual availability. Even eventually, years later, asked for my ex-husband's forgiveness for the way I had been so careless with sex in our marriage.
I knew that if and when I ever re-married, I would be more intentional about this area of sex. I would not wait for "someday" to address challenges. I would not be lackadaisical about what being a lover meant not only to a marriage, but what it meant to me. And what it meant to any man I would be fortunate enough to call my husband.
When I did remarry, I gratefully discovered that I genuinely could learn and grow from what I didn't know all those years before.
All of that probably would have been enough redemption, right? To learn from my past mistakes and use them to transform my current relationship.
Well, God (being Who he is and all) had additional vision for how I was to use my experience of "not knowing what I didn't know."
In vulnerable and heart-wrenching conversations with other women who were facing their own sexual struggles in their marriages, I discovered that more light -- Godly light -- needed to fall upon this whole topic of sex and marriage.
So when it appears I speak with such ease and confidence about sexual intimacy in marriage, please know that I fought hard for that confidence.
I fought through my self doubt. I fought through the skeptic looks I would get when I said, "I started a blog. About sex. In marriage."
And with each opportunity to speak or opportunity to write, I heard more gut-level pain from women -- and honestly, more often from men -- about the sexual apathy and devastation going on behind closed doors in countless Christian marriages.
I knew full well what I didn't know so many years ago. And I wanted to do my part to see something made better -- to obey the calling on my heart -- to shed more light into dark places.
I speak about sexual intimacy in marriage with less trepidation now. Less inhibition about what people will think.
I listen respectfully to the naysayers that such a topic is "private" and "off limits" and "not the type of thing Christians should be discussing." But I don't let any of that slow me down.
I know anyone's discomfort with the topic is often born out of their own sexual devastation, pain and unresolved struggles.
And. That. Breaks. My. Heart.
So if you wonder why I'm so passionate about sexual intimacy in marriage, it's because I want to see broken hearts healed.
And sexually broken marriages redeemed.
I didn't know what I didn't know.
But I do now.
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Posted in authentic, intimacy, marriage problems, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: intimacy in marriage, sex, sex and marriage, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles
Recently, I wrote about sexually selfish husbands, and it's only fair I give equal voice to the reality there are some sexually selfish wives too.
This can show up in a variety of ways.
Maybe you subconsciously tell yourself, "If he does such-and-such, then I'll give him sex." Or maybe you come right out and say something along those lines to him.
Sex becomes a bartering tool, a scorecard of "you do this" and "I'll do that."
In particularly malicious scenarios, you may manipulate the game the opposite way. You punish him by withholding sex.
Painful damage comes from reducing sex in a marriage to mere commodity, where one person is always in the position of having to "earn" it. There's nothing in God's Word that would support this kind of arrangement.
If anything, 1 Corinthians 7 gives us a selfless picture of a husband and a wife offering their bodies to each other freely, rather than turning it all into a transaction. We could even go so far as to say that when you make sex something your husband has to "earn," you have prostituted yourself. In your own marriage.
And God has pa-lenty to say about prostitution.
God gives a husband and wife tremendous freedom in the marriage bed to exclusively enjoy one another. Go God! This is one of the sweet privileges of marriage -- you can enjoy 31 flavors of sex, so to speak.
Sadly, too many wives are steadfast on having only vanilla on the menu.
Hey, I'm not saying vanilla is bad (every marriage needs a bit of vanilla sex). But vanilla every time?
Sounds boring.
It is no wonder that many husbands want some sexual variety. Variety that is exclusive, mutually valued and acceptable in God's eyes is not only possible, it is what some married couples pursue with passion and love.
Here is a post I wrote with 3 ideas to spice up your lovemaking.
This is actually a big complaint I hear from husbands. Their wives either tease sexually or promise sex "soon" -- but then rarely follow through.
Some guys even describe this as a mild form of torture, like setting an ice cold glass of water in front of a man who has been crawling around in the desert. But he never actually gets the water.
He just has to stare at it. Wonder what it would be like to enjoy it.
(I had one man email me this lengthy analogy that sex deprivation in his marriage was like being a starving man chained to a bed in a bakery, but he never gets any bread. He is forced to constantly see the baker baking the bread and smell the bread. But he never gets even a morsel.)
Anyway, I think you get the picture.
The other problem with making sexual promises that you don't keep is that it fuels distrust in the very relationship where you need trust the most.
It causes division, not unity. If your husband doubts your sincerity in sexual availability, he likely doubts your sincerity in other aspects of love -- even if he would never speak those reservations out loud.
So many women assume that sex is just sex for a man -- it's just a release and intense sexual pleasure, but it doesn't have much to do with an emotional or spiritual connection.
Wrong. Especially for the majority of husbands I hear from. Sex isn't just sex. Some husbands are so pained by their wives not understanding the significance of sex that they have asked God to take their sex drive away (interesting post on that here).
If you have used wide brush strokes to paint your husband into a corner, stereotyping him as nothing more than an animal bent on simply responding to his sexual urges, you have not been fair to the man you love.
Before you think I don't recognize that porn has caused huge devastation to marriages, please remember that I do blog about sex. I hear about and read about many circumstances where porn has in some cases destroyed marriages.
We have to be careful in thinking that particular sex acts or positions are inherently wrong simply because they also appear in pornography. Yes, you need to search God's Word and your hearts. No, it's not okay for one spouse to force another spouse to do something or to hurt their spouse, all in the name of sexual pleasure.
But there are a lot of married couples enjoying different positions, oral sex, sex toys, etc. In those situations, pornography is not at the root of that enjoyment.
If I had a buck every time I hear from a husband who says that he doesn't just want her body, he wants her, I'd be a rich woman.
If your husband is like most, when you offer him obligatory sex or you just treat it all like a big chore to check off your list, he is dying a bit on the inside. (I wrote a popular post about that here).
Some wives may say, "Well, what's it really matter any way? He can't tell whether I'm into it or not. I fake it." Regardless of whether he is on to your ruse, faking orgasm is not good for you or your marriage.
In looking back over the above examples of selfishness, do you see any where you can begin to be a little less selfish?
Baby steps count. Take enough baby steps toward nurtured sexual intimacy and you'll be astonished at what it does for your marriage.
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Posted in body image, marriage problems, passion, Uncategorized Tagged with: sex, sexual intimacy in marriage, sexual problems, sexual struggles
I receive more emails and comments from men than I do from women.
This does not surprise me.
What did initially surprise me, though, when I began blogging is the depth of pain expressed in these emails from men who hunger for more sexual intimacy in their marriage.
Notice I just wrote "sexual intimacy," rather than using the word "sex."
Nearly all the communication I receive from husbands clearly shows that sex is not just sex to them (contrary to what popular culture and stereotyping would lead us to believe).
They aren't just looking for a release.
Because let's face it, they could get that from their own hand. Sure, some resort to secret masturbation on a regular basis, because they see no other option afforded them. Yet most would gladly admit that what they really want is to make love to their wife.
Sex is never just about sex. It's about wanting to feel connected, affirmed and one with the person to whom you've pledged your life.
Some marriages are high on conflict about sex and incredibly low on resolution and healing. Two people slowly drift away from each other sexually, either because healing the disconnect is not a shared value or because one or both spouses believe the marriage is irretrievably broken sexually.
My God, marriage is hard, isn't it? I get that. I know.
I don't minimize the challenge it is to build an intimate marriage. Being married is a high and holy calling and it is hard, hard work. And so much impacts sexual intimacy, from hormonal and physical issues to relationship struggles to betrayal to life circumstances to skewed views about sex.
The list goes on.
But it is tragic commentary in a marriage when either spouse has prayed for God to take away something that is inherently woven into the very design of marriage. God's design for marriage.
I am grieved any time I read an email or comment where a husband has resigned to defeat, thinking there is no longer any viable option but to pray -- even beg -- for God to take his sexual desire away.
The devastation of laying next to a woman who neither pursues him sexually nor responds lovingly to his initiation is just too much. Too much.
To frame this in another perspective, consider if you as a wife are feeling emotionally neglected by your husband.
Do you pray that God remove your desire for emotional oneness with the man you fell in love with and married?
Some of you may pray this, but my guess is that most women in that situation do not wish for their desire for emotional connection to go away.
They would rather see the relationship healed and strengthened, right?
Deep down when a husband has prayed God take his sexual desire away, what he is really screaming from the caverns of his soul is that he desperately wants the relationship healed and strengthened.
He wants -- genuinely wants -- authentic sexual intimacy with the woman he married.
If there are struggles in your marriage about sexual frequency, do you ever wonder if your husband has prayed for God to take his sexual desire away?
Well, here's the deal.
God probably isn't going to answer that prayer with a yes.
And even if He did, would we really consider that a victory for your marriage?
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Posted in marriage problems, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: frequency, sex, sex drive, sexual frequency, sexual intimacy in marriage, sexual struggles
Or maybe not. I'm not sure.
At any rate, soldier on in reading, even if you are tempted to stop. Where I am going may surprise you.
Sometimes I hear from husbands who are not interested in sex because their wife has "let herself go" -- not shown interest in being healthy, wearing attractive clothing or embracing her femininity.
Sometimes it is wives who are emailing me about their husband who has put on some extra pounds, not paid attention to his grooming like he did when they were first married and stopped embracing his manliness.
And sometimes the emails are from people lamenting not about their spouse, but about themselves, claiming they "let themselves go" and this is the reason for the intimacy woes that are plaguing the marriage.
Because let's be honest. For the vast majority of people, your body at 40 or 50 is not going to look like your body at 20.
It's just not, what with that thing called aging (not to mention carrying and birthing and nursing the little tykes for us women).
That's not to say you can't aim toward being physically healthy, dressing in appropriately fitting and attractive clothing, and so forth. Yes, this is all well and good.
Do you want to know something about those scenarios I shared at the beginning of this post? The ones where I hear from people complaining about their spouse "letting themselves go"?
Those emails by far are a tiny percentage compared to the number of emails and comments I receive, particularly from husbands, who actually have a different quandary.
You see, these men don't care about the extra pounds their wife has put on. And they don't care that she doesn't look like she did when they first married.
What the husband hungers for is a wife who wants to make love, wants to be close and wants to give him the privilege of seeing her naked body.
But she is resistant, even belligerently self-defeating when it comes to nurtured sexual intimacy and sexual passion in the marriage.
The husband isn't hung up on what she perceives as having "let herself go."
She is.
If you are still reading, this may well be your come to Jesus moment as far as what has truly been sabotaging intimacy in your marriage bed.
Maybe you have. And maybe it has nothing to do with your body.
Given the choice, they would be more excited about a wife who maybe has put on some extra weight and has a few wrinkles YET still has interest and enthusiasm in bed than a wife who looks like a Victoria Secret model YET has zero interest in sexual passion with her husband.
I could do a "man on the street" survey (because, honestly, that sounds like fun). You know where I would arrive with that survey?
That a wife's sexual confidence is sacred ground -- thoroughly enjoyed by husbands whose wives exhibit it -- and coveted by countless husbands whose wives don't have it (and have no interest in having it).
I'm just not so sure this "let yourself go" argument is really about what we have too often made it about.
I think the deeper issue is about sexual confidence. Not the extra baby weight.
If you're going to let go of anything, let go of this idea that you first have to lose the extra weight or get in better shape before you build sexual confidence.
A better approach just might be to build sexual confidence now.
And for more reading, check out my favorite post on "body image" at this link.
And I might catch some grief for sharing the below video, but it has an incredibly powerful message (warning though, especially for guys, it does contain subtle nudity).
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Posted in authentic, body image, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: body image, let yourself go, sexual intimacy in marriage, sexual struggles, weight
Are you harboring unforgiveness toward your spouse? More than likely, you are paying a bigger price for that unforgiveness than you may realize.
Cassie Celestain of True Agape explores what unforgiveness can do to sexual intimacy. Cassie's post is part of my ongoing guest blog series on things that destroy sex in marriage.
I am so grateful for Cassie's willingness to be a part of this series. She offers great insights on the reality that it is often the small grievances that turn into huge roadblocks in our relationship.
When Ryan and I started dating. we made an agreement to deal with issues as they arose.
In past relationships, we hid our true feelings, pushed concerns back and dealt with problems once they became big enough that they couldn't be ignored. Those past relationships in part did not work out because of those reasons.
We wanted our relationship to be different, to be genuine.
We will soon celebrate our 4th anniversary. I feel like Ryan and I have done pretty well with our agreement. We have had very few big issues because lack of communication. But to be honest, it's the small things that I constantly have to check myself about.
I must be willing to forgive the little things or else they become big things. Big things that can start destroying our sex life.
There are certainly big issues in marriages that cause unforgiveness. However, for me, and for others, they are typically small disappointments.
We weren't asked if he could help with dinner.
We wished they would have spent more time with us this weekend.
She didn't do something she said she was going to.
These are small disappointments that can easily be talked over and forgiven. But instead, if we focus on those unmet expectations, we can become angry. Our anger can turn into bitterness and then resentment.
In return, staying resentful then makes us come to a stage when we just don't care anymore.
When you "just don't care" anymore it is hard to connect in general, but even more so during sex.
Sex was created to be an intimate action to draw closer together as husband and wife. If we have walls build up from hurt, unmet expectations, anger and unforgiveness, we tend to either avoid sex or complete the act disconnected. Both of those will destroy our marriage sex life.
It comes down to the simple, but not easy, fact that we have to forgive. Forgiveness is not an option, but a must. God forgave us for our sins; therefore, we are called to forgive others of theirs.
Start communicating about tough topics before they build up into something else.
Remember that as amazing as your spouse is, they are human and not a perfect being.
It is not our job to judge our mates action, but instead love them unconditionally.
Pray for your heart to be changed. Pray for God to mold your spouse into who He wants them to be.
When a negative thought comes to mind about your spouse, replace it with a positive one.
Begin rebuilding connection and intimacy with these physical touch ideas.
Personally, staying focused on the fact that sin is sin can also be helpful. That all sin is equal. And all of my sins were forgiven by God who loves me unconditionally.
That is what helps me to forgive and love Ryan even when my human self doesn't think it is possible. It is not in my own strength that I am able to forgive, but with the strength of God.
Cassie Celestain is a wife, mom, runner and a marriage and family blogger at True Agape. She believes respect, trust, understanding and willingness creates happy marriages and families. She strives to keep those things the main focus in her daily life and wants to challenge others to do the same.
You can get her free 6 page report The Secret to Making your Husband Feel Loved when you sign up for True Agape's monthly newsletter. She also recently released a children's book titled Running is Totally for Me.
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Posted in marriage problems, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: cassie celestain, marriage problems, sexual initmacy in marriage, sexual struggles, unforgiveness