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Developing apps for Agent SmartWatch in C#
Not long ago SecretLabs – creator of Netduino boards launched a project on Kickstarter.com to raise funding – The Agent SmartWatch.
C# developers can write apps and watch 'faces' for this using .NET Micro Framework and Visual Studio 2012, it comes with its own Emulator to create and debug apps so you don't need a watch to begin writing apps.
To get started this is all you need.
Download Visual Studio Express 2012
Download .NET Micro Framework SDK v4.3
Download AGENT SDK v0.1.1 (June 2013, Preview Release)
Scott Hanselman gave a sneek peek in a June post, @roguecode wrote a 3 part series to get started. There is also a post by @mikehole for communicating with Bluetooth devices then there is also a Tetris clone from Watch App and Watch Face Showcase and a Analog watch face from Ali Sufyan.
Agent comes with its own Big Digits Watch Face sample code
After installing the bits Visual Studio File > New > Project gets few more options
Click OK to create and debug a Watch Face application and built-in emulator fires up with a 'Hello World'
If you have not written a .NET Micro Framework app before perhaps the API feels a bit low-level but fortunately there is a open source project that helps.
Hosted on github it gives you few helpers that I liked such as Button and Drawing, using this and Tiny Font Tool GUI I wrote a custom watch face that show a new message on clicking Middle Right button in emulator
So get started writing your own apps for your Agent SmartWatch.


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Q: I strongly suspect I will run into my ex-girlfriend at an upcoming party, which promises to be awkward and uncomfortable. She basically left me for another man while I was prepping for my board certification exams, and we clearly weren't going to remain friends. She and I haven't spoken in more than a year.
Telling her how badly she acted obviously won't fly in a party setting.
But as I try and fill the time with her with pleasantries, do I ask how her work is going when I really don't care? Should I wish her and her new boyfriend well when I don't mean it? Should I fake that everything is cool between us when it's anything but and she broke my heart big-time and owes me a huge apology?
I'm all for not making waves, but there's also a point when faking politeness is so transparent that it doesn't seem worth it.
Should I avoid her altogether at the party, talk with her and fill the time with platitudes, or tell her how I really feel and that we should talk about it another time?
A: Avoiding her, faking pleasantries, telling her off — all of these have a significant negative element. Do you really want to be the guy who hides, lies or scolds?
You didn't give me the one option I was looking for: Say hello and keep on walking.
She might approach you, of course, but for that you can have a clear but courteous response ready, along the lines of, "(Honest compliment to show decency.) Please excuse me; I'd rather not talk."
Walk away.

subset: commoncrawl


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Author Visit: Mark Binelli Talks Detroit City
Grand Rapids Public Library – Main, Thursday, June 20, 2013 at 7pm
Join our special guest Mark Binelli as he reads from his book, Detroit City Is the Place to Be. Binelli will highlight some of the movements taking place among the post-industrial landscape of Detroit. Like a blank canvas, Detroit is beginning to be seen by many as a place of possibility. While some see empty lots, others see fields for planting. In addition to reading from his book, Binelli will give a presentation on Detroit as it is today and what the future may hold for it. A book signing will follow the presentation. (abridle)… (more)


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How do you review a game that could kill a studio?
Codemasters are racing game developers par excellence, trusty old hands that have crafted some of this generation's finest driving experiences. Whether off-road, on-road, or on the track, Codies know exactly what they're doing. DiRT, Grid and the F1 series are all fantastic. Their first-person shooters however, are a little less assured.
With Bodycount and Operation Flashpoint: Red River, the venerable British developer seemed to have a nicely thought-out masterplan. Red River was the shooter that leaned towards simulation, while Bodycount promised to be its noisier, brasher arcade cousin. Neatly sidestepping the CoD-dominated middle ground, you can see what Codies were getting at. But when Red River failed to meet expectations at retail, it was left down to Bodycount to pick up the slack.
Which leads us to the situation we find ourselves in now. Bodycount has been available on shelves for a couple of weeks now and a worrying number of copies remain there. Indeed sales are so low that Codemasters recently announced that, "The company is proposing to retire from its facility in Guildford, most recently responsible for the shooter Bodycount."
Its studio is probably going to close. And here I am, preparing to kick them in the nuts when they're down.
Bodycount is a bad game. It's not a decent game that just didn't click, it's not an enjoyable game with a few issues that are hard to overlook. It's just plain bad, featuring embarrassingly high numbers of underdeveloped and wrong-headed features, a terribly short campaign and an utterly uninvolving multiplayer.
Part of the issue involves the game's inability to explain itself. From the very start you are thrust into a conflict you have little or no clue about. There's words there, a voiceover and an attempt at some flashy graphic design, but it's unintelligible. Something about an agency and... no that's pretty much it. It's a less than an auspicious start.
Also woefully unexplained is the skillshot system. What there is of it. Bonuses are awarded for kills of a stylish variety: headshots, multiple kills, explosive kills, that kind of thing. But they are unimaginative and unnecessary to the point of redundancy. Which is perhaps why the visual indicators sit there cluttering up your screen without any kind of real introduction or justification.
Of course these disappointing elements are not enough to sink a game. It's relatively easy to brush off poor storytelling and a weak scoring system. But it's the core experience, the act of merely moving around and shooting things that ensures Bodycount's ultimate downfall. You would never guess that this was made by the people responsible for Red River, a far superior game in every respect.
Bodycount is painfully slow, leaden and lumpy. Compared to zippy shooters like Killzone and Call of Duty, Bodycount feels like running through soup. Movement, whether it's walking or running or pulling up your gun is frustratingly lackadaisical. This is, or at least should be, a balls-out, high-octane shooter. Instead you are forced into a far more pedestrian pace, much to the detriment of the game.
Then there's the cover system. Oh dear the cover system. Presumably it is supposed to work a bit like Rainbow Six: Vegas, except without the third-person part. Which is a fine and honourable thing. But the sticks are wonkily mapped. So while you are in cover it is difficult to aim because the same stick that bobs your head in and out of safety also controls your reticule.
Add this to an overly-sensitive cover-locking mechanism and the whole thing is a bit of a mess. Often, you will pull the left trigger to look down your sights only to be yanked into cover. It's so frustrating that I found myself trying to just run through levels without shooting anything, in a vein attempt to get it over and done with quickly. Shooters that discourage you from shooting? I'd say that was a pretty big issue.
The complaints roll on. At one point early in the campaign, I retreated into a shack, thinking that I could funnel the enemies in, one by one. That's how I roll. In a decidedly cowardly fashion. As I hid behind a desk or a barrel or whatever it was, a mini-boss came crashing through the wall and reduced me to a bloody mist in seconds.
Ooh, that's quite cool, I thought, an interesting use of the destructible environments. And it is. But then I realised that the enemy A.I. in Bodycount is of the omniscient kind. It doesn't matter where you are, of what you are hiding behind, they can see you. They can always see you. So moments like that lose their shine a little.
In contrast, when not displaying telepathic levels of awareness, the enemies can barely tell their arse from their elbow. There's some odd scripting involved with their movement that seems to insist they travel to a specific point on the map before shooting, regardless of your position. It's odd. Laughable really.
At least it's all over in around four and a half hours, a sizeable reduction on even the slightest of modern FPS campaigns.
What this all amounts to is a game that feels rushed, pushed out of the door before it was ready. Even the multiplayer feels tacked-on. No, the multiplayer feels especially tacked-on, with just Deathmatch, Team Deathmatch and a small collection of maps to show for itself.
Rushed projects are not a studio's fault, necessarily. They are often the product of unrealistic publisher expectations, or a lack of funds. Perhaps that's true of Bodycount, perhaps not. Whatever the reason, it's is an uncommonly poor game. As a result, Codemasters' Guildford studio is about to pay the ultimate price.
Latest News
- Call of Duty: Black Ops III is coming to the PS3 and Xbox 360 after all
- Tomonobu Itagaki's Devil's Third gets a release date
- Adr1ft is coming to PC and consoles at the end of the summer
- EA gives the new Mirror's Edge a name – Mirror's Edge Catalyst
- ZombiU PS4 and Xbox One port reportedly in the works
- Mike Bithell's Volume to be released this August
- Gearbox's new shooter Battleborn gets a pre-E3 trailer
- Steam Controller launches in October, Steam Machines arrive in November
- Gears Of War devs Black Tusk change their name to The Coalition ahead of E3


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AS WINTER recedes, or so we hope, SA's season of international summitry is well and truly upon us. After the African Union in steamy Malabo and the Brics in crestfallen Brazil, President Jacob Zuma will go to Victoria Falls in the middle of next month to attend Robert Mugabe's comeback show at the Southern African Development Community.
But unarguably, the really hot tickets are for Barack Obama's US-Africa Leaders Summit in Washington next week. Metaphorically, they are sold out.
The Americans promoted the event due for next Tuesday and Wednesday as the biggest and the best, not to mention the first gathering of a US president with nearly all of the African leaders.
Now into his second and final term, Mr Obama has finally been allowed to be all of what he is, the US's first black president after 43 paler-faced predecessors.
Up to now, caution seemed to deter Mr Obama and his team from pushing the African connection too hard. Worries about the latent racism of white voters previously held sway, reducing his visits to Africa to an absolute minimum despite the voguish appeal which much of the continent has been enjoying. Whatever rednecks might believe, its growing importance in the affairs of the world owes almost nothing to Mr Obama's Kenyan antecedents. Whether as a supplier of vital commodities, as an expanding economic market and, yes, as a theatre of worsening conflict that if nothing else reminds outsiders how much is at stake, the time for modern Africa to sweep into the White House en masse has surely come.
In truth, the US government had been running the risk of missing the African bus. China is already far ahead, if trade volumes and infrastructure contracts are the main yardsticks. On the political front, Beijing will take centre-stage in Cape Town at the next Forum on China-Africa Co-operation summit with Africa next year, and the European Union — with France and Germany in the vanguard — appears to be shaking off nagging injuries and returning to the field of active play. Japan is busy, too.
So Mr Obama will be well aware that there is no shortage of suitors circling the majority of African countries. Depending on which mirror one uses, SA is probably still the fairest of them all. Its economy is the most advanced in Africa, its professional skills the most sophisticated and its stability the most rooted, however soiled its governance apparel can look at times. Trade and Industry Minister Rob Davies was less than subtle this week when he reminded Washington that there are plenty of competitors for SA's favours and that restricting access to the US market would be ill-advised. The precise context was the African Growth and Opportunity Act (Agoa), a highly successful piece of legislation dating back to 2000 which the US Congress is renegotiating with African partners. Mr Davies will be fighting SA's corner in the Agoa ministerial forum on Monday, a trade gathering on the eve of a fairly business-oriented summit.
The tone struck by some in Mr Zuma's government, suggesting that SA's natural home is the eclectic and lop-sided Brics group comprising Brazil, Russia, India, China and SA, cannot have pleased the Obama administration and there seems to be no chemistry between the US and South African presidents. Washington is not the only western capital wondering what SA's foreign policy is all about, if indeed one can be said to exist.
More important, are SA's realities still as different from those of the rest of the continent as they were 20 years ago? Has the rapprochement which Mr Mbeki wished and worked for pretty much failed?
The gulf in national interests, whether about security, human rights, leadership, religious conflicts and economic development, sometimes seems unbridgeable.
Hopefully, this summit with Mr Obama will provide some pointers.


text:
As Immunotherapy Revolutionizes the Cancer Treatment...
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Process Development Jobs Still the Most...
Wall Street Decline Takes Its Toll...
23andMe recently was awarded a patent for a technique that could be used to create babies with selected traits. (For more on this, click here.) Do you think this new technology will be used solely to prevent diseases like Down syndrome, or has a Brave New World of selecting children's physical traits (eye color, sex, etc.) come upon us?
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Argentine organized labour anticipates fierce wage talks despite controversial tax relief
Argentina's organized labour CGT confederation led by Hugo Moyano came on stage on Tuesday to make clear that Monday's income tax floor 20% rise announced by President Cristina Fernández "is not enough" and anticipated fierier wage talks with a clear 25% raise demand.
During a speech on national television from Government House Cristina Fernandez said that the rise in the income tax floor means a revenue sacrifice for the Treasury of 8 billion Pesos and that 82.5% of dependent employees "will now cease to pay income tax".
The rise of the income tax floor has been for a long time one of the main demands from organized labour, even from those groups that still support the government of President Cristina Fernandez.
Lawmaker and Newspaper Salesmen union boss Omar Plaini warned during a radio interview that the income tax floor "was not increased last year", hence indicating that workers are still trailing inflation in what seems to be an endless race.
Likewise, Plaini stressed that once collective bargaining talks finish, "there will be much more workers reached by the income tax".
"Yesterday's (Monday) announcement leads us to fierier wage talks as the income-tax floor is something based on inflation. All unions are starting talks with a clear demand: a 25% raise", thus going above the 20% maximum raise that several officials from President Cristina Fernandez have been lobbying for.
Furthermore, UATRE farm hands union leader Gerónimo Venegas, considered that President Fernández came totally short, and added "the increase has nothing to do with the country's reality; the President believes she lives in Wonder Land."
"How come President Fernández wants a maximum wage increase of 20% when last year's inflation rate was around 28%?" Venegas insisted during a meeting with radio reporters.
Vanegas also explained that "after two years without touching the income tax floor, the announcement comes short, it's not enough. But the President wants to keep collecting money on the workers expenses".
The unionist also responded to the President's attack after the Head of State indicated during Monday's speech that even though the farming sector has the highest profitability rates the farm hands have some of the lowest salaries in the nation.
"It gives one the chills plus anger to see the President lying just like that", Venegas counterattacked and remembered that last year "it was her government that took us away a 10.7 percentage points increase after we had discussed and reached a 35.7% increase during wage talks since the national government only authorized a 25% rise."
"Today's minimum wage for a farm hand worker is 3,580 Pesos (approx 500 dollars) plus home and food" he added.
Cristina Fernandez also argued that with the new scale and higher tax floor, Argentina will be collecting from workers 5% of tax revenue, compared to 7% in Brazil and 8% in Chile and Uruguay.
The Argentine president turned up at the meeting in Casa Rosada with Guy Ryder ILO Director General who is on a work visit to Argentina. On Wednesday he is scheduled to meet with the main leaders of organized labour which have ceased to support government and have become strong critics of President Cristina Fernandez.


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Hi! My name is Nike
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10 Dec, 2013 | Videos
Air Hogs took to the streets to test out the Helix X4 Stunt quad. Here's what people had to say:
The Helix X4 Stunt is a high-performance Remote Control stunt quad-copter. Perform 3 incredible stunts with the push of a button. Nothing moves like a Helix!
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Thanksgiving is one of those odd holidays where all of America shuts down for a few days while the rest of the world's countries just keep humming along (Canada celebrates Thanksgiving but in October, while the Caribbean island nation of Grenada observes Thanksgiving in October as well, but only to mark our 1983 invasion of that country, so that must be a good time).
The film business, like many businesses, worked just a half day on Wednesday, but was quick to disseminate the following casting announcements before leaving for the holiday:
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the former supermodel, occasional singer and now first lady of France (she's married to President Nicolas Sarkozy) has been asked to appear in Woody Allen's next movie. She doesn't know what part she'll be playing.
"No. But I said yes. I do everything a little bit blindly. If I don't, I won't do anything," Bruni-Sarkozy told France's Canal Plus television. "I'm not at all an actress. Maybe I'll be absolutely terrible."
Bruni-Sarkozy, who you will discover just recently started wearing clothes if you do a Google image search for her, is certainly an ethereal presence. But then, so too have been a lot of Woody's recent movies. His latest, this past summer's "Whatever Works," was one of the worst films I've seen this year.
More promising is the news that actor Sir Ben Kingsley, who always delivers even when he's slumming it in a piece of junk, will portray Shah Jahan, the Mogul emperor who ordered the construction of India's Taj Mahal, in an upcoming film to be titled "Taj."
"With my passion for India and the Taj Mahal now becoming one of the Seven Wonders of the World, I am compelled to ask why and how this scream of grief frozen in marble came into being," Kingsley said in what sounds like a typical statement for him.
Jahan had the Taj Mahal built for his favorite wife, Mumtaz Mahal (to be played by Bollywood superstar Aishwarya Rai Bachchan), from 1632-54, after Mahal died giving birth to their 14th child. It's been 26 years since Sir Ben won an Oscar for his performance in the film "Gandhi."
Finally, prolific writer of scary stories Stephen King has revealed that he's started working on a sequel to his 1997 novel "The Shining," which of course became a now-classic film starring Jack Nicholson in 1980.
King said his new book will be set 40 years later and focus on Jack Torrance's son Danny, the little boy who in the original had visions of "redrum." The tentative title for the sequel is "Doctor Sleep."
Breaking the news in Toronto this week, King said, "Maybe if I keep talking about it I won't have to write it." Sounds like a plan, if you ask me. Why mess with perfection?


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LEWISTOWN - Mifflin County's game plan against Williamsport was simple: run the ball.
In the suspended game against the Millionaires Friday night, the Huskies amassed 210 yards on the ground through the first 16 minutes of play. And then the lightning came with the Huskies up 27-6.
In Monday's completion of the game, Mifflin County went to a new strategy as Williamsport changed up its defense. It paid off. The Huskies went to the air more often and continued pounding the football en route to a 41-13 badgering of the visiting Millionaires.
Tim Beck ran for his second 100-yard game with 107 and a touchdown. Kyle Kahley finished the game with 86 yards on the ground and three touchdowns. Mifflin County had a total of 374 yards to Williamsport's 241.
"We knew we could throw," Mifflin County coach George Miskinis said. "But we really didn't need to throw up 21."
Williamsport (0-2)?dropped its second straight game to open the season. Running back Devin Miller had a 68-yard touchdown in the first quarter and a 70-yarder in the fourth to finish the game with 203 yards.
"We came back and made some adjustments," Williamsport coach Kevin Choate said. "What people need to realize is that we're dotted with sophomores and freshman outside of the skill positions and we need to get better."
Mifflin County's Shane Whalen connected with John Michael Maclay in the third quarter for the Huskies first touchdown through the air on the young season. Maclay's day wasn't finished with that touchdown. The Husky junior was around the ball all game and made an interception late in the third which led Beck's 11-yard score.
"The running game was working so we had to stick with it," Maclay said. "When we had to we went with the play-action pass and that worked for us."
This game pitted a pair of teams that like to run the ball. Mifflin County didn't attempt a pass Friday, but got to that as the game progressed Monday.
Williamsport, after giving up chunks of yardage against Mifflin County Friday, switched its defense in the hope of corralling the Mifflin County backs. The Millionaires brought their safety up to add another player in the box. It worked.
It was evident that Mifflin County had a little more trouble with the new look from the Millionaires.
"They switched up on us," Miskinis said of the defense. "They brought that extra guy down and made it a little tougher. But that's what Central Mountain does so we were able to get a look at that."
No points were scored in the second quarter when the two teams resumed action.
After Mifflin County forced a three-and-out from Williamsport to open the action with 8:30 left in the second quarter, the Huskies went to work quickly. After seven plays, the Huskies were quickly inside the Millionaire 30. Then on a fourth down, Kyle Kahley fumbled and gave Williamsport the ball back.
Williamsport got into the Mifflin County red zone late in the second quarter looking to tighten up the game. But a fumble, recovered by Mifflin County's Mason Sweitzer, ended the drive.
The Millionaires opened the second half with another three-and-out this time botching a punt attempt to give Mifflin County the ball at the 23 going in.
This is when the passing game came into play.
Misdirection was working all game for Mifflin County. Then the Huskies decided to add the pass to the misdirection. Whalen faked a hand off left to Beck and then rolled to his right. Maclay ran to the corner and received a perfect pass from Whalen to put the Huskies up 33-6.
"Shane threw a great ball and I was able to get wide open in the end zone," Maclay said.
Mifflin County added a safety to the total with 10:18 left in the fourth quarter to make the score 41-6. Miller's 70-yard touchdown finished off the scoring with 4:35 left in the game.
Williamsport ran 21 plays in the second half. Miller's 37-yard scamper and 70-yard touchdown resulted in most of the yardage.
"Devin has the ability to break it any time he gets the ball - catches or runs," Choate said.
Williamsport 6-0-0-7- 13
Mifflin County 14-13-12-2- 41
First quarter
MC- Kyle Kahley 1 run (Tucker Bachman kick good), 9:36.
W- Devin Miller 68 run (Kick failed), 8:42.
MC- Kahley 33 run (Bachman kick good), 0:42.
Second quarter
MC- Jordan Treaster punt block recovered in end zone (Kick failed), 11:47.
MC- Kahley 10 run (Bachman kick good), 8:30.
Third quarter
MC- John Michael Maclay 33 pass from Shane Whalen (Kick failed), 9:08.
MC- Tim Beck 11 run (Conversion failed), 4:09.
Fourth quarter
MC- Safety, 10:15.
W- Miller 70 run (Austin Robinson kick good), 4:35.
First downs417
Yards passing1239
Total yards241374
RUSHING: Williamsport- Devin Miller 13-203 2TD, Caleb Belle 10-24, Terrel Pittinger 1-2. Mifflin County Tim Beck 14-107 TD, Kyle Kahley 9-86 3 TD, Heath Hidlay 9-63, Shane Whalen 4-34, Chase Pitts 8-32, Curtis Jerzerick 2-7, Anthony Elliot 2-8, Jared Pennepacker 1-1, Gage Reesman 1-(-3).
PASSING: Williamsport- Owen Lukens 0-3-1-0, Dale Berkheimer 4-8-0-12. Mifflin County- Shane Whalen 3-6-0-39 TD.
RECEIVING: Williamsport- Belle 1-6, Tyler Gardner 1-6. Mifflin County- John Michael Maclay 2-34 TD, Kahley 1-5.
INTERCEPTIONS: Mifflin County- Aaron Michaels, John Michael Maclay.


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OGE: Oral Gas Emission. aka burp/belch
Hmm soda. *drinks* heheh gas. OGE's
by Darth Fureon January 10, 2006
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
Top Definition
(Pronounced with the 'O' like as in 'Road' and the 'G' as in 'Fridge'.)Negative, no. Sydney Northern Beaches (Australia) possible origin.
"That party was oge."
"Am I smart? Oge."
"I Oged school today."
"Am I smart? Oge."
"I Oged school today."
by Team_180B July 23, 2006
a fat bastard who is a total bitch
You oges
fuckin oges
Ogies, you're fat
fuckin oges
Ogies, you're fat
by Craiginhoggins September 02, 2007
A term used primarily to describe an unsatisfactory situation. However, it may also be utilized as a verb.
This party sucks. Let's oge.
by Nish7777 September 27, 2006


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Dezeen Wire: the V&A museum in London has purchased work by designers including Nendo, BCXSY and Fredrikson Stallard using a new acquisition fund for contemporary design. More »
Design Miami/Basel 2011
V&A acquire work by Nendo, BCXSY
W Hotels Designers of the Future at Design Miami/Basel 2011
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Source: Wired
quote: If you are Tony Swash , you will get downvoted. My 8yo could figure that out.
quote: The problem was that the tech at the time didn't allow for the sleek designs we have today (die shrink, advanced panels) and it certainly wasn't in reach of the average consumer price wise.
quote: ... grant them a monopoly on rectangular patents.
quote: I regularly mistake the Galaxy for iPhone at a distance of just a few feet.


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Before Saturday's game, Seton Hall Prep coach Kevin Williams reminded his young roster of just how much experience it has gained since it played Columbia four weeks ago. The rematch showed how much Williams' team has grown during that time.
With star T.J. Gibbs on the bench in foul trouble, first time varsity players such as Steve Ferarro, Zach Keller, Donald Stewart and Pat Jamison allowed Seton Hall, No. 14 in The Star-Ledger Top 20, to build an early lead. From there, Gibbs made it stick with 11 fourth quarter points as Seton Hall defeated No. 13 Columbia, 66-64, in West Orange.
The two rivals split the season series. Columbia earned a 46-43 victory in the first meeting on Dec. 21.
"It just shows how good we are from 1 to 15," said Gibbs, who finished with 23 points and six rebounds. "Everybody can play minutes, everybody could be a starter on this team. We know that we all trust each other and we know what each other can do."
Keller (10 points), Ferraro (six points, four assists), Stewart (five points, five rebounds) allowed Seton Hall (8-2) to build an 11-point lead in the first half with Gibbs on the bench.
"We just stepped up. It wasn't just one man, it was the whole team," said Keller, a sophomore. "We knew it'd be harder without him to handle the pressure, but we stepped up and did a good job."
Columbia (7-4) didn't go down quietly. Trailing, 44-33, late in the third quarter, guards Michael Runcie and Robert Gordon combined for 19 points over the next 5:46. Runcie (33 points, five rebounds) hit two 3-pointers to cut the Seton Hall lead to one. Gordon (17 points, six rebounds, five assists) then tied the game twice for Columbia, the latter evening it up at 54-54 with 3:26 remaining.
Columbia never regained the lead thanks to Gibbs' relentless attacking of the basket. He put Seton Hall in front for good with a drive to make it 56-54 as he scored nine of his team's final 12 points, seven from the foul line.
"He's not going to get any good looks driving to the basket so we tell him get to the foul line," Williams said. "It's no big secret that he's our weapon so he's always got the best defenders on him. His ability to get to the line and then knock down shots is huge for us."
"When he attacks, everything's better," Keller said. "When he's on, it just completes our team."
Gibbs' late offensive surge proved to be enough. Runcie's layup with 21 seconds left cut the lead down to one. Gibbs made one of two at the line with 10.6 seconds, but a game-winning 3-point attempt from Columbia was off the mark in the final seconds.
Gibbs, Kelly Hogan (10 points, seven rebounds) and Joe Sherwood (five points, eight rebounds, four assists) are the lone returning players with varsity experience.
Udoka Ahaneku had 10 points for Columbia and David Runcie added seven assists.


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Neuroscience Lecture Series: "Motivated perception as self-regulation: evidence from the brain and behaviorâ€
- Cowin Center
- From 5/5/2014, 3:00 PM To 2/3/2014, 4:30 PM
- http://www.tc.columbia.edu/bbs/neurosci/current-issues/spring-2014/
David Amodio, PhD
"Motivated perception as self-regulation: evidence from the brain and behavior"
Associate Professor of Psychology and Neural Science and Pi of the Social Neuroscience Lab in NYU.
Dr. Amodio is head of the Social Neuroscience laboratory, were they focus on the roles of social cognition and emotion in the regulation of behavior, and the neural mechanisms underlying these processes. Much of his work examines these processes in the context of prejudice and stereotyping, although he also is interested in the areas of motivation and health psychology


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When the San Antonio Spurs host the Phoenix Suns this week, Tiago Splitter will be meeting with Team Brazil head coach Ruben Magnano to discuss this summer's FIBA Basketball World Cup in Spain according to Portuguese website Diario Do Grande.
Specifically, to see if Tiago will be suiting up for his home country of Brazil.
Splitter is on record saying he will play for Team Brazil this summer only if he is healthy at the end of the NBA season.
If I am not injured, I will play with the national team next summer. I am looking forward to participate in the World Cup with my teammates and try to help Brazil do a great performance in Spain.
Last summer, Splitter did not participate in the FIBA Americas with Brazil citing rest from the long NBA season. Seeing how he sat out last summer, the chances are high he will play in Spain come August 2014 when the tournament starts.
This season, Tiago has suffered a right shoulder strain in early January that had him sidelined for a number of games. He also sat out three games with a right calf contusion.


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In another sign that some areas are rebounding from Hurricane Isaac, St. Tammany Parish public schools are opening Tuesday, after principals inspected the schools and maintenance workers spent the holiday weekend repairing minor damage on campuses.
That was the word from Superintendent W.L. "Trey" Folse III, who said in a news release that only one school in the parish north of Lake Pontchartrain had serious damage from Isaac. The storm pushed water in St. Tammany Junior High, but the school will reopen on Tuesday.
Parish officials were keeping watch over potential trouble spots along Isaac-swollen waterways, but concerns about continued heavy flooding had largely subsided by Monday.


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Take away coffee, pizza, café dining & bar at the Perfect Cup Café, North Adelaide
Make a dinner reservation now – phone 08 8267 3033
More than just a hotel restaurant, our Perfect Cup Café onsite at the Adelaide Meridien is a favourite coffee and dining spot for both local North Adelaide residents and visitors alike.
Enter from Melbourne Street and you are welcomed by the smell of freshly brewed espresso and a casual café atmosphere.
Open daily from 7am, choose from an extensive a la carte breakfast menu with a range of hot cooked and continental selections. Our lunch service starts from noon, with a range of baguettes, wraps and salads, made fresh onsite each morning, available from the display fridge, available for takeaway or to dine in, in addition to the full menu available.
Dinner is served nightly from 6-9pm, with table service offered in the evenings and a range of daily specials to complement the modern-Australian, casual restaurant menu.
Hot, tasty pizzas are available for lunch & dinner, to dine in, or to take-away, and also available for room service delivery for guests staying in-house with us at the hotel.
Large bi-folding café doors open onto an outdoor deck, overlooking Melbourne Street, so you can soak up the buzz of this cosmopolitan shopping & dining hub on a mild Spring day.
High bar tables and comfy lounges near the bar also make the Perfect Cup @ the Adelaide Meridien a great place to meet friends for a relaxing drink – be it a coffee or gourmet tea – or something a bit more tempting! Our wine list has a mainly South Australian focus, showcasing some of our State's best red, white and sparkling wines, and there are an extensive range of bottled beers and spirits, sure to suit just about everyone's tastes.
Join us for happy hour in the bar – every day – between 5.30pm and 6.30pm. $5 pints of tap beer and glasses of our house wine.
Coffee & cake specials are also available throughout the entire day.
Normal Opening Hours:
The café & bar are open from 7am til late every day, with meals available during the following times:
Breakfast: Daily 7am – 11am
Lunch: Daily 11am – 2pm
Dinner: Nightly 5pm – 8.30pm
Make a dinner reservation now – phone 08 8267 3033
Adelaide Meridien – Perfect Cup Cafe Dinner Menu
Adelaide Meridien – Perfect Cup Cafe Breakfast Menu
Adelaide Meridien – Perfect Cup Cafe Lunch Menu
Download Perfect Cup take-away pizza menu & specials
Current theme night specials every week at the Perfect Cup Cafe are:
Monday: Wine & Beer – Enjoy special discounts on our 4 featured wines & beers
Tuesday: $5 Tuesday Madness – Buy one main meal, get another (of equal or lesser value) for $5.00
Wednesday: Roast Night – $12.90 Roast of the Day
Thursday: $15 Seafood – Your choice of either beer battered barramundi & chips, bush spice & native pepper squid & chips, or, fresh chilled prawn tail & natural oyster plate. All served with garden salad
Friday: Pizza Night – 2 for 1 pizzas. Buy one 9 inch pizza & get another (of equal or lesser value) for free. Dine in or takeaway (excludes takeaway specials)
Saturday: Cocktail of the Week – $5.00 cocktail of the week
Sunday: $12.90 Schnitzel – $12.90 chicken schnitzel with your choice of sauce (gourmet toppings extra)
Small or large groups are always welcome. Milestone birthday celebrations, group get-togethers, family dinners, or any other special occasion – we can cater for both young children , the elderly and everyone in between. If you would like a private room or set menu, please speak to our Functions Coordinator, otherwise you can book your group dinner with café staff.


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Slater Tools' 3700 series adjustment-free rotary broaching toolholder features an increased bearing capacity capable of producing larger forms than its previous two series, which were designed for Swiss-type machines. Often used in turning and milling machines, rotary broaching tools create internal and external forms on the machine while eliminating secondary operations.
In addition to broaches used to produce common forms, such as hexagon and square holes, the toohholder can accommodate custom broaches, which can produce double hex, double square, serration, spline and other forms.


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May 22, 2010 10AM – 4PM
Admission is FREE. All games are only $1 per play.
Live Multi-Cultural Music and Entertainment:
Click here for the complete entertainment schedule.
10:00AM Aptos Middle School Jazz Band
11:00AM JOES Student Performances
12:00PM Principal Washington and Supervisor Avalos' Kids Dance
1:00PM Panda and the Animals
1:45PM Teacher and Staff Limbo Contest
2:00PM Community College of SF's Salsa Dance Class
3:00PM Just Fiddling Around
Food: Delicious delights such as BBQ Chicken, West Indian Chicken Curry and Roti, Grilled Corn, Lemonade, Snow Cones, and Popcorn
Family Friendly Carnival Games: Through a generous sponsorship by Plan It Interactive, JOES is proud to have real midway games complete with tents!
5 Pin Bowling – Bank Shot – Bean Bag – Bushel Basket – Can Smash – Cross Bow – Cue Ball – Dart Balloon – Down The Clown – Flip-A-Frog – Milk Bottles – Milk Can – Mini Golf – Ring the Bottle – Teddy Bear Toss – Tic-Tac-Toe – Wheel of Fortune – Fishing
Amazing Silent Auction
Preview the auction catalog here.
Disneyland tickets, Outside Lands tickets, handmade jewelry, golf getaways, lunch with Fiona Ma or John Avalos, and much more!
Family Fun for Everyone
Face painting, kid-safe nail salon, gift boutique, and more!
Resource and Vendor Booths:
Wells Fargo Bank, OMI Community Based Organizations, Asian Inc.
In response to the state budget crisis, funds raised from the carnival will be used to support teaching/staffing positions and/or to compensate for other losses the school experiences. Help support public education.
Sponsored by Wells Fargo Bank, Plan It Interactive
Download a printable flyer and spread the word!


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More Bands for the Buck!
April 5, 2013 - Jim Price
If you're looking to experience several musical flavors in one sitting, there are several multiple-band bills and benefits to check out on area stages this weekend.
Aldo's has two multi-band bills both Friday and Saturday night. Modern rock and metal take the spotlight on Friday's four-band bill at Aldo's, which features three female-fronted bands. Altoona's Lies, Inc. will anchor the bill, featuring the powerful voice of leading lady Lily Taylor. According to bassist Kent Tonkin, Lies, Inc. will be unveiling some new songs for the first time during the show. Returning for their second visit to Aldo's will be Wellsboro-based rockers Burden My Surrender, featuring the siren-like voice of lead singer Britney Johnson. Burden My Surrender recently issued their latest CD, called "Channels." Making their Aldo's debut will be Pittsburgh-based fivesome Until We Have Faces, featuring Kim Boni on vocals and guitar; their style mixes elements of metal, punk and hardcore, and the group cites Mastodon as an influence. The lone non-female-fronted band on the bill is Johnstown's Blood Union, a new project fronted and masterminded by longtime Inside Out guitarist/singer Tim Frick. Their sound is darker and heavier modern rock with a Disturbed/Marilyn Manson-type lean.
Punk rock then dominates Aldo's Saturday bill, a three-band show headlined by New Jersey punk rock veterans Electric Frankenstein. Once labeled "the best punk band in NYC" by NY Press, Electric Frankenstein has received international acclaim over their 20-year-plus span; and has been reviewed in such well-known publications as Kerrang, Hit Parader, Metal Hammer, Alternative Press and numerous others. Also appearing on that bill will be Pittsburgh's The Cheats and Altoona's Xs For Eyes.
For the dance and party-minded crowd, Altoona's Ramada Inn hosts a two-band party on Saturday night. Presented by Awkward Morning Productions, the show will feature sets by the bands 7th Gear and Shallow 9, along with acoustic performer Ty Ayers. Shallow 9 will again feature the potent voice and stage savvy of lead singer Erika Marino, while 7th Gear will be introducing their newest addition, former Silver Sunday and Splink singer Ashley Thompson.
A wide assortment of musical styles will grace the stage at 30 Something this Sunday night, in a benefit to remember a friend of the area music scene who recently passed away and to raise money for his surviving family. Chuck Detwiler, 37, passed away on March 21. The benefit will start at 6, and features acoustic music from The Backyard Rockers and Born & the Beanstalk, mainstream classic and modern rock from Deadbeat Stew and The Sitch, punk rock by Up Your Arsenal, and theatric and visual heavy metal by SamarA..
Support live music this weekend! And if you plan to celebrate heavily while doing so, please designate a driver or call a cab!
Here is a full listing for live music on area stages this weekend and the coming week:
Randy Jackson, Stephen Johnopolos and Joe Carlin at Raphael's Steakhouse, Altoona (starts 6:30 p.m.)
Ty Ayers at Underdogs, Bellwood (starts 7 p.m.)
Born & the Beanstalk at Celtic Knot, Bellwood (starts 7 p.m.)
Lies, Inc., Burden My Surrender, Blood Union and Until We Have Faces at Aldo's, Altoona
Felix & the Hurricanes at Heidelberg Club, Altoona (9 p.m., members and guests)
Benefit for Anthony Dixon with Covered In Jelly at Osceola Hotel, Osceola Mills (starts 9 p.m.)
Fuse at Yesterday's Party, Ebensburg
Andy Rhody at Ebensburg Moose, Ebensburg (starts 8:30 p.m.)
Michael O'Brian Band at City Hotel, Northern Cambria
Borrowed Time at Judd's Penn West, Bedford
Randy Jackson, Stephen Johnopolos and Joe Carlin at Raphael's Steakhouse, Altoona (starts 6:30 p.m.)
Electric Frankenstein, The Cheats and Xs For Eyes at Aldo's, Altoona
The Sitch at Family Pizza & Pub, Altoona
Pistol Peg & the Beer Kegs and Ryan Matthew at 4D's Lounge, Altoona
7th Gear at Belmar Hotel, Altoona
7th Gear, Shallow 9 and Ty Ayers at Ramada Cosmopolitan Lounge, Altoona
The Hawks Blues Band at Teriz Place, Altoona
Ganister at Magoo's Cresson
The Alley Cats at Yesterday's Party, Ebensburg
Yum at Castle Pub, Ebensburg
Tom "Ying" Yannitelli at Mad Hatters, St. Boniface
R2B2 at Davey's, Hastings
Night Train at City Hotel, Northern Cambria
Fueled By Ignorance (F.B.I.) at Glenn's Place, Claysburg
Borrowed Time at Steele's Tavern, Hopewell
Seize Fire at D'Hitchin' Post, Mann's Choice
Washington Slept Here at Bedford Moose, Bedford
Joan and John at Mad Hatters, St. Boniface
Chuck Detwiler Memorial Benefit Concert at 30 Something, Altoona; featuring The Backyard Rockers, Born & the Beanstalk, Deadbeat Stew, The Sitch, SamarA and Up Your Arsenal (starts 6 p.m.)
Felix & the Hurricanes at Shaw's Bar, Altoona
Ty & Pletcher at 4D's Lounge, Altoona (upstairs)
Open Mic Night at the Ramada Cosmopolitan Lounge, Altoona (starts 8 p.m.)
Ty Ayers (acoustic) at 4D's Lounge, Altoona
Acoustic Contest at Pellegrine's, Altoona; featuring Punk Fiction, Phil Baskin, the Backyard Rockers, Uncle Mike, Raggedy Hobo, Disconnect, Drew Dodson, Left For Dead and Richard Wood (starts 7 p.m.)
The Country Gentlemen at Clair's Ashville Inn, Ashville (starts 6 p.m.)
"Battle of the Acoustics" at City Hotel, Northern Cambria (starts 7 p.m.)
Wertz & Pletcher at 4D's Lounge (upstairs), Altoona
Open Mic/Jam Night at Pellegrine's, Altoona (starts 9 p.m.)
Open Mic/Jam Night at Mug Shots, Gallitzin (starts 8 p.m.)
Steve Summerhill at Jethro's, Altoona (starts 7 p.m.)
Triple Threat at Pellegrine's, Altoona (starts 9 p.m.)
Felix & the Hurricanes at Joe & Mary's, Altoona
(More shows may be added to this list as information becomes available. Feel free to check back.)
To report additional shows or corrections to this listing, email information to email@example.com.
Blog Photos
New Jersey punk rock legends Electric Frankenstein (pictured) perform at Aldo's this Saturday night, with special guests The Cheats and Xs For Eyes.
Blog Links


text:
Created in this Craftsy class
How to Start a Cake Business taught by Lisa Raffael
Turn your affection for sweet confections into a career with expert advice and guidance from award-winning cake artist Lisa Raffael.
Other projects made as part of this class:
Cake Decorating1st Wedding Cake
Cake Decoratingmy first coustum cake!
Cake DecoratingCake for a golf nut!
Offer some kudos...
Join the conversation...
Ask a question...
Add your comment...
|Here are some details about my project:
|Cake Decorating
|Type of item
I've been decorateing cakes for years, your cakes are Beautiful!
10/29/2013 Flag
Sounds like you have almost everything covered except how to price your cake or at least and average price per slice.
11/11/2013 Flag
Bonjour... Beau travail... La France dmarre doucement pour cet art....
04/08/2014 Flag
I saw this episode!!! was really awesome!!
10/25/2015 Flag


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An arrest was made in a mysterious Eatonville homicide, investigators announced Thursday.
Christopher Matthew, 34, was found dead near the Macedonia Missionary Baptist Church.
Trevor Howell is now charged in the March killing. He was already in jail on other charges.
Officers said a $60 drug debt may have been the motive in Matthew's death.


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Does NOT wash, water goes in, and will drain.
Noticed first that the detergent either simply puffed up or fell into the cutlery tray, but did not dissolve.
Tried GEL next, and all it did was run down the wall on the inside, all after running a complete cycle.
So it appears no water is being sent through the 3 wash arms (that spin)
Water drains out fine.
This is a Maytag Dishwasher Model MDB-3
Is this a good question?
If your detergent does not dissolve, I am not certain if your washer gets any water. How do you know it is draining water? to further diagnose your problem, I would start the EMPTY dish washer on a normal cycle, wait a few minutes and open door. There should be water on the bottom of the dish washer. If there is, start your washer again let it run for a few SECONDS and open the door to see if the arms are turning. note the location of the spray arm close the door and let is run again for a few SECONDS. Open the door again, the arm should now be in a different position. You may have to do this a few times to make sure your can observe any movement of the arms. Let us know what you find out.
No movement of sprayarms


text: Million Hearts Delaware Chair Receives Distinguished Achievement Award by on Monday, October 14, 2013 Dr. Ed Goldenberg was recognized with the American Heart Association and American Stroke Association's Great Rivers Affiliate Distinguished Achievement Award on October 3rd, 2013. Dr. Goldenberg, a great cardiologist, fundraiser, community leader and advocate for the health of Delawareans is eminently deserving of recognition for countless reasons. Dr. Goldenberg served as the chair of the 2012 Wilmington Heart Walk and he also led a top Heart Walk team. He also worked to establish the Delaware Million Hearts Coalition which now is leading efforts in Delaware to align partners, public and private, to the goals of the national Million Hearts initiative. In addition, he regularly speaks to groups and businesses across Delaware about healthy living and prevention, and his writings on health are regularly published in the News Journal. Dr. Edward Goldenberg has been a highly respected volunteer leader for the American Heart Association for many, many years. His commitment to the mission of the American Heart Association is very personal, and that shines through in all of his work, as a volunteer - as a leader, and as a physician. Congratulations Dr. Goldenberg! We are deeply appreciative of your service to our mission and the people of Delaware. « Now share your story Share This


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Barbara Cheeseborough, 67, a South Philadelphia native who became an international model and was featured on the cover of the first issue of Essence, died Thursday, Oct. 24, of colon cancer in Pomona, Calif.
Mrs. Cheeseborough was the face of Essence for its debut in May 1970. She also made the cover of Harper's Bazaar Italia.
Born Barbara Bowman in Philadelphia, she graduated from South Philadelphia High School and started her modeling career in Philadelphia.
She married William Edward Cheeseborough in 1966. He was a photographer and encouraged his wife to move to New York City to pursue modeling there.


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Monday, September 19, 2016
"I hope things have gone alright." I think to myself as I leave the plush building that houses the company that I now work for.
It's the end of my first week. It's important to make the right impression and to ensure that people feel they can successfully work with you. I hope I have done so.
I reach into my right-hand suit pocket to take out my cigarettes and a lighter. As I remove my hand a shower of at least two-dozen PostIt notes drop from my pocket and drift down the street. Instinctively I scamper to collect them.
My new office is on one of the biggest 'party' streets within one of the biggest 'party cities' in the north of
I grab one PostIt. Upon it is drawn a massive cock-and-balls. Without thinking I collect a few more. They feature similar illustrations. A theme is emerging. I become the recipient of some cheers from early-evening revellers who have also observed this thematic street-theatre.
Discarding my quest to collect the rest of my stationary-based gifts I get my bus home and review the remainder of the PostIts still in my suit-coat pocket.
Some are rather throw-away although some feature the classic three droplets of spurting 'liquid'. A few even have hairy balls. One in particular features nothing but the word 'PENIS'; obviously in case I were in any doubt as to what the other illustrations represented.
"Things seem to have gone well." I think to myself.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
I've Got To Find A New Job.
Tom The Accountant: I've no idea why Boss has even asked you to speak to me about this. I've no idea. Only he could have done this.
I'm at work and am angry. Not your low-level 'oh I've put the recycling bin out but it's actually refuse collection day' angry but actual laser-guided cut-glass steely-cold 'don't even look at me funny I will kill you' angry, the sort of anger that would frack gas from the core of the planet without all that need for chemicals and such.
Tom The Accountant knows it and knows it's 'well above his pay grade' to deal with a swivel-eyed skinny madman who looks like he is about to get himself in the news.
He wisely tells me he'll 'look into it'.
Ten minutes earlier:
Me: [Brandishing my payslip, which has had twenty-five percent of my salary deducted under the heading of 'sick leave' despite my not being unwell in the past month] Explain this. Now.
Boss: [Rattled, one eye desperately looking out of the door of the meeting room] I've no idea. I can tell you're really angry –
Me: Angry isn't the word.
I could turn the office upside down with a glance. I'm beyond anger – a place where I'm so eerily calm a mere look could take someone's head off.
Boss: The fact is I don't know. You'll have to speak to Tom The Accountant about it.
Tom The Accountant is employed by the shadowy venture capitalists that fund Boss's company.
Me: I will. As he's here today.
Boss: [Suddenly panic-stricken, clearly forgetting that today was the day that Tom actually comes into the office and is in the next room] Oh, erm, yes. Ok.
Some time passes.
I'm again in the meeting room with Boss.
Boss: [ Having had a few minutes to regain some calm but still rattled by my thousand-yard stare] I may seem like a hard boss but I'm actually a good guy. I mean, all this –
He makes an expansive gesture to take in what I assume to be the whole enterprise which once consisted of a mere twelve employees and now consists of only Unfeasibly Young Zac, Methodical Mike and I, the xbox 360 that is kept in a cupboard and only taken-out to show strangers what a 'fun' company we are and the coffee table he has from the local charity shop 'on trial'.
Boss: - may make me look like some sort of Alan Sugar-type but I'm actually ok. So I've paid you your salary short-fall out of my own pocket. Because I'm good like that.
The next morning I send him a text message from my mobile phone.
"Good morning, it's me. Shan't be returning to work. All the best for the future."
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Young Writers.
Indulge me. Young Writers run – amongst other things – writing competitions which are often taken-up by the English departments of schools nation-wide. Recently the theme was 'spooky stories'. Favourite Daughter's school was involved, and OF COURSE her entry was chosen for publication. A tale that had to be told in ONLY ONE HUNDRED WORDS. It was published in a book entitled Spine Chillers that people can ACTUALLY BUY. It's got a BLOODY ISBN NUMBER AND EVERYTHING!
Her tale is below.
Dead, Alive or Insane?
I see spirits. Remember being an infant in bed with heartbeats pulsing thick beneath you? Or them reaching out from your ceiling, hair wringing their necks? It was real for me. I was left in an asylum before I could remember. I could see the corpses in every room – how they died. Spirits stay. Why won't they leave me? The birds caw like victims. Fog rolls. 'I'm sick of it. Kill me.' OK. I don't know if I'm here or insane, but it's dark, I'm motionless. I hear spectral laughter, it won't stop. Is this my waiting punishment for killing?
Reading, Writing and Stories.
It's another Father's Day and I sleep late. I feel I'm owed it after a long working week following another - the bulk of which was spent in a strange city in an unfamiliar apartment with colleagues I eventually dreamt of murdering. But that is another story.
I have oven-chips for breakfast because I can and spend the bulk of the day in my pyjamas for the same reason. I open the Father's Day cards that have arrived in the post for the first time since I can recall.
I drink tea and smoke cigarettes and stare out the window. After finally dressing and going to the shops I re-read the story my daughter wrote. And then finish reading the graphic novel I'd bought as a treat for myself whilst hanging-out in the local comic book shops with my son and daughter to feed their manga obsession when they visited only two weeks previously. The memory makes me chuckle recalling their laughter when I tell them a story one of my employers related to me about his language problems whilst living in
Japan. But that
is another story.
I speak to sister on the phone and we tell each other stories before finishing the story I'm reading and think about the novel I'll almost certainly never begin.
Then I write this.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Conversations With My Boss #3
I am once again alone in the office. I am beginning to despise Methodical Marketing Mike and Unfeasibly Young Zak who have once again left me alone in the office with our boss.
He is – as usual – behind the ridiculously large screen of his Mac wearing earphones and watching youtube videos but I know it's only a matter of time. Time that he saves for me, for some reason.
His head moves from behind his screen.
Boss: [One eye staring sternly at the server room but the other staring at me] There was a phrase when I used to run a recruitment firm in
…. London
I've checked with Companies House. He never ran a business in
He ran a recruitment firm in the north-of-England city we're currently in. By
'run' I mean 'into the ground'. London
Boss: …which was "Never pitch the bitch".
I don't like the phrase. It's SEXIST. London
I stare at him in silence. I have things I need to be doing.
Boss: But in a way it's true. I'd never sell to women.
Some time passes.
Boss: Or Pakis.
Some more time passes. I stare at his good eye without blinking. My brain does cartwheels in my skull.
Boss: They've got ulterior motives. All of them.
"I've got to find a new job." I think to myself.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Conversations With My Sister #2
Some time ago.
My Sister: Have you bought a bin yet?
I realise that it's going to be one of 'those' conversations.
Me: What?
MS: You know.
Me: [Lighting a cigarette and feeling weary] I really don't. I've got a bin.
MS: For the bathroom.
My bathroom is used for a number of very key functions in my life – household refuse disposal is not one of them. I frown at her.
MS: The children. Favourite Daughter?
Me: [Exhaling a plume of cigarette smoke] And?
MS: She'll be coming to stay with you soon?
I shrug. These are established facts.
MS: [After gazing at me for awhile] She's thirteen now?
I stare at her some more. I know my daughter's age. I don't see the connection between that and the need for additional refuse receptacles.
We stare at each other a bit more.
Me: Oh. Riiiight.
My sister nods with a "fuck me, finally" look about her.
Me: I should probably buy a bin with a lid for the bathroom.
Friday, March 04, 2016
Conversations With My Boss #2
It's a freezing cold morning here in the North of England. The office I work in has a temperamental heating system that has yet to kick-in.
My boss enters. It's nearly ten o'clock. Early for him.
Boss: Brisk this morning. Days like this I'm glad of the heated seats in my Porsche.
He twirls the key-ring around his index-finger.
It's an eighteen year-old 911. It cost less than a Ford Mondeo. The unopened letters from the car finance company are piling-up in his in-tray. But it's still a Porsche and he still thinks it's a big deal.
Boss: [Sneering at me] Does the bus you get to work have heated seats, Tired?
Me: No. No, it doesn't.
He winks at me and goes to make a cup of the Marks and Spencer instant coffee that no-one else is allowed to drink.
"I've got to find a new job." I think to myself.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Growing Pains #2
It's just after Christmas. I don't see my son and daughter 'as much as I would like' so I'm overjoyed to be home with them after an eleven-hour round trip to collect them from their mother, who inconveniently lives four-hundred miles away. Of course, we're in our local chip-shop. I'm not fucking making dinner after all that.
Chip-Shop Lady: Eeeh well was
canny ta yee pet?
My daughter looks at me with panic in her eyes.
Me: Was Santa good to you this year?
My Daughter: Oh. Right. Yeah. Totally spoilt.
She looks at me. I nod my approval. All is well and she receives some free stuff.
Some time later.
My children are on the upstairs landing of my house. I've taken a spare moment from removing tissue-paper from the pockets of their discarded jeans before I put them in the washing-machine.
Favourite Son: Is Daddy really going to make us watch that Stars Wars or whatever film with us?
Favourite Daughter: Dunno. We'll just tell him he can watch it on his own and we'll go shopping and have some lunch and get the bus back to his house if he's still in the cinema. We do it all the time.
FS: Yeah. He'll be all "Ok son". With his accent.
FD: God it's not as strong as most people around here. Remember that lady in the chip-shop last night? I had no idea what she was saying.
They're unaware that a two-up two-down terraced house is not the place for private conversations. I go back to putting their dinner on plates.
And decide that maybe they're a bit too old for me to be still holding their hands when we cross the road.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Work Night Out.
Methodical Marketing Mike, Unfeasibly Young Zak and I are suffering. It's a work 'Christmas Do'. Consisting only of us and unwanted Boss.
Boss has given us each a Christmas card that contains a bonus £100 in cash. It's out of character and we're surprised.
We are eating in an unbearable restaurant that serves mountains of smoked meat of doubtful provinence on metal trays – without plates – accompanied by big glasses of beer in handled glasses that inexplicably have jam-jar tops making them almost impossible to drink from. It's the choice of our Boss, as it's cheap and he believes it to be 'hip'.
I'm already irritable and the clientele of twenty-something men sporting full beards, immaculate side-partings, sleeve-tattoos and check-shirts loudly discussing the forthcoming evening's "bants" is not helping.
We retire to a nearby bar for cocktails as beer is no longer an option - all of us feel sick and bloated following our consumption of tourist-bait hipster food. Boss has to return to the office for ten minutes to check 'something'.
We decide to 'do one' and lose him, because we have become fifteen year-olds again and that's what we now do. We're not proud of ourselves but the man is unbearable.
Boss rings Zak who promptly bottles it and reveals our location. MMM and I are furious. After a while Boss joins us.
"Trying to lose me were you?" He loudly says, jokingly.
Silence reigns. Zak, Methodical and I glance at each other, our shoes and our phones.
We stand with Boss and look out of the window of the bar and watch a Twix wrapper float by and discuss the outrageous changes in confectionery prices over the years until Boss finally goes home out of sheer boredom and the three of us begin to enjoy ourselves.
"Trying to lose me were you?" He loudly says, jokingly.
Silence reigns. Zak, Methodical and I glance at each other, our shoes and our phones.
We stand with Boss and look out of the window of the bar and watch a Twix wrapper float by and discuss the outrageous changes in confectionery prices over the years until Boss finally goes home out of sheer boredom and the three of us begin to enjoy ourselves.
Come January we examine our pay-slips and discover the £100 wasn't a bonus and had merely been a cash advance that had been deducted from our normal salaries - money we could all have made use of after Christmas.
"I've got to find a new job." I think to myself.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Black Hole.
April last year, and my son and daughter are staying with me. What is of special significance is that it is my son's birthday. He NEVER stays with me on his birthday so this is a big thing. Fuss is made. My mother, brothers, sister and I make a big deal of it.
And it's great. But I've something more up my sleeve.
The Black Hole was the first film I ever saw at the cinema. I was taken there for my birthday. It was bloody amazing. It was in space and everything. There were robots. And a gravitational anomaly. It was superb.
I explain this to my son, and that I've bought the DVD of the film so we can watch it together, what with it also being his birthday. I think that this will be a significant father-son bonding moment he will always remember. Favourite Daughter has a pre-teenage 'thing' of disappearing to her room and not emerging until she's hungry or thinks something may be happening without her. So we have the living-room to ourselves.
He glances at the front of the hard-to-find DVD case and methodically examines the back of it. He then hands it back to me.
Favourite Son: Nah. You're ok.
I'm devastated.
Some weeks later I recited this story to my Mother as a tragi-comic tale.
She explained to me that I must have imaged the whole thing and that no member of my family ever took me to the cinema to see that film.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Conversations With My Boss.
I'm at work. Methodical Marketing Mike and Unfeasibly Young Zak have gone on their usual lunchtime burrito quest leaving me alone with my boss.
It was once a bustling small office with ten people. It's not now.
In the awkward silence my boss mutely and invisibly resides opposite my desk behind the unfeasibly large screen of his Mac wearing earphones and watching youtube –as he does all day in the rare hours he deigns to come into the office.
I have a tiresome business telephone conversation.
Me: [Clanking-down the phone after the other party had hung-up] Prick.
Boss: [Not as involved in youtube as usual] Had that client actually hung-up?
He fixes me with his best steely gaze. Or he does with one eye. The other one gazes at the door of the server room. It sort-of ruins the overall effect.
I look at the eye directed at me.
Me: Of course.
Boss: Let me tell you a story. Some years ago – I was running a recruitment firm in
– I had an executive who thought he'd hung-up on a client and called her a
bitch. She heard. I had to fire him. She was a good client so I had to go over
there and eat her out.
I say nothing but stare into what I believe to be his good eye.
He shrugs and makes a 'harumph' noise and grins.
Boss: That's not true of course.
I continue staring.
Boss: I actually had to go the whole way and fuck her didn't I. Bloody good client.
I say nothing. He says nothing more but gives me the double-gun air-fingers and disappears back behind his monitor.
"I've got to find a new job." I think to myself.
Tuesday, February 09, 2016
Ghost Of Christmas Past.
I'm in the back-seat of my mother's car. It is nine o'clock on Christmas morning. She, her husband and I are driving to see my youngest brother, his wife and their two sons for an hour.
It's their turn to spend the day with the family of my brother's wife.
It's their turn to spend the day with the family of my brother's wife.
My Mother: Mind, your Aunty H may drop in as well, but your Dad won't be there so it's alright. Your brother asked him along but he said "Whey I'm tae busy for that, man".
Me: Mmph. Sounds about right.
I'm hung-over and disorientated by the light and warmth of the balmiest Christmas day on record. I'd been up late wrapping presents for my children – neither of whom I'll see for another two days.
My Mother: You're ok with H though?
Me: No problem.
Save for a brief confrontation at Younger Brother's wedding five years previously I've not spoken to my father in over twenty-five years due to mutual astonishing stubbornness and animosity. I don't expect to see him ever again. His sister – my Aunt H – and I had 'words' at the same event but parted on good terms.
We arrive at Younger Brother's house and exchange gifts with all concerned, including my nephews who, despite not being old enough to speak, are ridiculously charming and handsome. Tea is offered and I sit and amuse the children in lieu of doing so with my own.
My mother looks out the window.
My Mother: Ah here comes Aunty H. Oh…
A moment later.
My Mother: Aaand your Dad.
My younger brother freezes. His wife looks at me in horror. My mother – who has not seen my father in far more time than I – does not look content. Her husband – who has never met my father – does not look like he is having his ideal morning.
Me: [Clapping my hands and rubbing them together whilst putting-on my best 'game face'] Well. THIS will be FUN.
My mother, her husband and my brother's wife discretely retire to the kitchen. I entertain my nephews alone in the front room. My father walks in, sees me and stops dead.
Me: Merry Christmas.
I'm smiling. After a split-second my father's shoulders relax and he grins at me.
My Father: And to you.
He sits down on the sofa opposite the armchair I'm in.
My Father: Aye I'm bliddy shattered me, like. Up till four this morning.
Me: Christ, what were you doing?
My Father: Y'knaw, wrapping presents and that. The young'uns didn't even get to bed till midnight so by the time we'd had a chat and a bit cup of tea and wrapped presents and stuff….
Me: Yeah I was up late doing the same for my children. I'll see them in a couple of days.
His hair – which was always grey – is now snow white. I don't know how old he is. Maybe in his seventies. He has a lady-friend who has grown children who still live in their house. As I discovered later. And we chat like normal people. Because it's Christmas morning.
After awhile I go outside for a smoke. My father and Aunty H leave the house a moment later on their way to their own festivities and say goodbye to me on the front lawn.
My Father: Here. For the bairns.
He puts a bundle of cash into my hand. I check it later. One hundred pounds.
Me: Thanks J…[I nearly call him by his Christian name] ...Dad. I'll make sure they have fun.
He nods at me and walks to his sister's car. I put my cigarette out and walk back into the house.
Everyone looks at me.
Me: Well. That was odd.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Big Night Out.
It'll be fine, I tell myself. Nothing 'weird' is going to happen.
Not having left my house in several days I'm rattled by the prospect of a 'big night out' but feel I'm coping. Admittedly the fact that the restaurant we begin the evening in is a converted nineteenth-century railway carriage is a bit odd.
This is not helped by the fact that the carriage rests adjacent to one of the city's metro lines and whenever I go outside to smoke a cigarette and hear a metro train pass-by I briefly panic, thinking the completely-stationary restaurant is leaving town without me.
Smiley Lady: Hi, can you help me and my friends settle an argument?
We've retired to the outside drinking area of a nearby bar. My half-dozen all-male companions are at one side, a similar-sized group of women at the other, one of whom detaches herself to address us – choosing me as our spokesperson. She's wearing a nice dress and a friendly smile.
Me: Yeah, of course.
Smiley Lady: Well, we were wondering – by the way actually, are you single?
Me: Well actually yes I am.
SL: Yeah we thought so. So anyway –
Me: Wait, what?
SL: We were wondering, when you're with a woman – you know, like 'that' – do you all prefer anal or just the usual way?
Time stands still for a while. The traffic noise stops, the band inside falls silent.
Me: Erm. What? I mean…what?
SL: You know. Up the bum or in the fanny?
Me: Right. Yes. Ok. That's what I thought you meant.
I look at my companions for support, all of whom have developed an intense interest in their shoes, watches and/or mobile phones. This one's up to me. It's a relief to be honest – most of them are close family and I don't really want the feedback on this subject.
Me: Well, I, er, I'd have to say I was a vagina man.
There are general sounds of agreement.
SL: [smiling triumphantly] I KNEW it!
She goes back to her friends. There is much vigorous nodding of heads.
The conversation has not really gone as I had first imagined. I glance at my companions whilst rubbing the back of my head. Silence reigns.
Me: Well. Ok. Right. So. Whose round is it?
I briefly consider making a joke about a new superhero named Vagina Man but decide against it.
Some time passes. As one we have decided to move from beer to spirits. No reason.
Smiley Lady approaches once again.
Smiley Lady: I just wanted you all to know we were just having a conversation about how, if we had to re-populate the species, which one of you we would choose…
There is a murmuring of sudden interest.
SL: Oh but I'm not going to tell you!
She turns to leave, not before looking me in the eye, placing a conciliatory hand on my shoulder, almost-imperceptibly shaking her head and smiling sympathetically.
She and her friends leave.
My Brother: Fancy another drink, mate?
Me: Go on then.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Girls And Boys.
It's Easter Half-Term and Favourite Son and Favourite Daughter are staying with me for a week, four hundred miles away from their usual home with their mother. We're in an Italian restaurant discussing the film we've just seen at the cinema.
Favourite Daughter: [12 years old, sipping her drink] It was a lot better than I expected. I actually cried a bit at the end. Did you Daddy?
Me: I did. A little bit.
(Whether or not I cried at the end of a children's film is not important to this story. Leave me alone.)
FD: [To Favourite Son] Did you?
Almost 10-year old Favourite Son is engrossed in his dining experience, methodically rolling his dough-balls in his dish of garlic butter so they are all fully saturated to his required standard.
Favourite Son: What? No. Why would you?
Favourite Daughter: [Filled with soon-to-be-teenage imagined sophistication] Because WE are in touch with our emotions.
Favourite Son sighs with the full weight of his soon-to-be 10 years, puts his perfectly-garlic-butter-saturated dough-balls to one side and picks-up my mobile phone from the table. He puts it to his ear.
Favourite Son: Hello? Is that My Emotions? Hi. Just want to say we're not really speaking, ok? And I'm eating. Bye.
He puts my phone down, briefly glances at me and his sister and returns his attention to his food.
All is silent for a while.
My nicoise salad (oh piss off) came with far too much of the same baked dough that FS is currently enjoying. I ask if anyone wants any.
Favourite Daughter: No thank you Daddy.
Favourite Son: [Absently, not looking-up from his plate] Yeah. Whatever.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Falling Down.
Some time ago – I'm not great with the chronology on this one – and I'm at the bottom of my stairs like a discarded crushed cigarette packet.
I'm not sure which way up I am. Or what time of day it is. Or even what day it is. Or how long I have been there.
Attempting to move, I howl in agony. Genuine agony, not that 'ouch, that hurts' nonsense but the proper stuff.
To be honest it's a bit blank for a while after that, but after some time it occurs to me that I need to be lying flat somewhere. Looking-back on it I know that only my most essential lizard-brain is working at this point and calling Accident and Emergency wouldn't have even crossed my mind, although it should have.
Besides, finding my mobile phone would have been mentally and physically impossible at that point. Looking back.
I remember the ordeal of trying to get up the stairs to the safety of my bed. THE BED IS ALWAYS SAFE.
My right hand is fucked, I can't put any weight on it and can't move the fingers. My left arm is fucked from the shoulder down to the elbow. I can't even move it. My lower-back is not doing so well. Using my legs alone I push my body back up the stairs, using my head to drag myself up each stair.
I've no idea how long it takes, howling in pain with each stair.
It's blank for a while again, but I do remember being in the safety of my bed at some point, spitting-out teeth fragments.
Probably – at a guess – twenty-four hours later and I can't move. I can't even roll-over the pain is so bad.
Pieces come back. Some time ago I had successfully walked to the top of my stairs – which shouldn't be a cause for celebration but you'd be surprised – and realised that everything was going wrong. It's the only way to describe it. I remember that.
Some unspecified time later I remember realising it was about to happen and desperately flailing to grab the banister in time. Obviously I didn't make it.
I know I went backwards down a flight of stairs with every muscle in my body in seizure and incapable of preventing it.
Forty-eight hours later – another guess – and I can roll over in bed; it causes agony but I can do it. I can't sit-up. Try doing it without the use of your arms when your lower-back is screaming in pain. Try it.
Thirty-six hours later and I've made a cup of tea that I need both hands to lift. Another day after that I've managed to have a shower and get dressed. I have to move my left arm with my upper-right arm but I can do it. Another day after that and I leave the house and buy some food like a normal person.
And now. Some time after all of this. The bruises are fluorescent yellow and deep purple – they look like badly executed tattoos and cover the bulk of my upper-body. Everything still hurts but in a sensible manner. My lower-teeth are more jagged than previously but they never looked great anyway. I know it'd taken place in the morning and I was heading upstairs after breakfast to have a shower and get dressed.
At some point before all this I know I'd gotten tired of measuring-out my life in medication (T.S. Eliot reference if anyone wants it) and 'being sensible'. I'd grown tired of feeling defined by anything, stopped worrying about when or what I ate, how much or how little I exercised or slept, what I did or didn't drink (and how much or little) and the fucking massive orange tablets. So I'd stopped.
I'm a father of two. Yes – I know.
Anyway. As anyone who has ever read this appalling blog will be aware, I'm not much for this sort of thing but I think next week or some day this week is Epilepsy Awareness month or week or something. I don't know. Google it – I'm not your Dad.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Unfinished Business.
"I am absurdly masculine" I think to myself, despite all physical evidence to the contrary.
I have just fixed my shower all by myself and am feeling very impressive, despite the whole process involving little more than unscrewing a knackered shower-head and screwing a new-one in it's place. In my defence I had to figure-out this solution, source the replacement, successfully and correctly purchase the new shower-head without looking like a complete buffoon and then faff about fixing-it up.
Such things are not my forte.
But now it's fixed, after my spending nearly two months showering under a lacklustre stream of kitten piss because I couldn't be chewed to do anything more about it. I'd have just had baths but I'm not allowed for fear I may die doing so (a real thing) so I had little choice.
Additionally I finished re-reading Paul Auster's New York Trilogy. I started it again to help me sleep, realised it really wasn't very good but couldn't give-up. But I slept.
This reduces my pile of reading material to
Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell (terrible TERRIBLE author
but signed by my grandmother and given to me by my mother who adores it) and We
Are All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler.
I finished watching - after several months – the fourth series of Homeland on VHS of all things (it still works for recording stuff), and adored the final episode. As a result found myself briefly falling-in love with the actress Claire Danes. This vanished very quickly when I realised I was actually in love with her character Carrie Mathison which is a VERY BAD THING.
This also wore off.
And also a lady with whom I'd become very fond of informs me she'd fallen-in love with someone else. I have mixed-feelings but am pleased for her.
My love of 1990s television show Moonlighting remained undiminished despite my inability to watch the final two episodes of the two-series box-set my mother bought me for Christmas two years ago. Oh it was just too good. I've not watched it yet.
Additional to all of this I finally sort-out the SCART sockets/leads round the back of my telly/VCR/DVD/Freeview box.
An odd week.
Thursday, March 05, 2015
I Go To An Optician.
A small woman I do not know pushes her knee between my thighs and moves her face closer to mine. I can feel the jets of breath from her nostrils upon my face.
I'm unsure when I have last felt so awkward, unhappy and anxious to be somewhere else.
"Is this any better?" She asks.
It's really not.
I have not visited an optician in nine years. My existing spectacles have one arm and the lenses routinely fall-out. It has become a Sisyphian task to keep them assembled long enough to watch thirty-minutes of television. Something I rarely do anyway but it's not the point.
People being close to me, touching me or having their face near mine is not a favourite. My own mother, after the death of her father - my grandfather (obviously) - has recently become a 'hugger' after thirty-nine years of perfectly comfortable physical and emotional distance.
That's bad enough. But this unknown young lady putting her fingers behind my ears and breathing her lunch in my face is intolerable.
"Any better?" She asks again.
I resolve to say 'yes' to anything she ever asks so I no longer need to be near her.
"How's this?"
"How's this"? It's like this : I'm in a distressingly unfamiliar situation, I'm about to be robbed of my routine short-sightedness which has been a source of comfort as I've not been able to see anything that may trouble me whilst enjoying the subconscious effect of not being able to see anyone too far away – as a result one's brain assumes no-one can see you, it's like having a superpower - and I'm jittery and just want to be on my own.
I say none of this.
Three days later I have an uncomfortable pair of spectacles for the first time in years.
And realise I am due a haircut. Will this hell ever end?
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Valentine's Day.
Eight years ago. I'm in a newspaper office. I do advertising-type stuff.
A client rings. She represents a 'speed-dating' company and advertise their events in the publication I work for.
Client: So yeah hi and ok, so, need some advertising for the next one and…well. You're single, yeah?
Me: What? I mean…what?
Client: You just sound single. Always have. So the thing is...we've got this event on Valentine's but we're a bit short of boys. You know?
Me: Oh. Ah. Ok.
Client: So obviously we're going to advertise as ever but erm… We could do with someone to make-up the numbers. Gentleman-wise. You understand?
Me: Ah. Erm…
Client: So you're obviously alone…
Me: HANG ON!
Client: Oh GOD sorry. Have I got it wrong?
Me: Anyway. What are you saying?
Client: Well. You always come across quite well so wondering if you'd come. No charge, we'd pay for everything. We just need another body. Yeah?
I consider the fact that I have been recently abandoned by the mother of my children and now live alone and shall probably be spending the evening in question staring at the wall and wondering at what point I first started ruining everything. Or I could do this silly thing.
Me: Yeah. Ok.
Client: Cool. Any discount on your absurd advertising rates?
Me: I'm helping you out here. What do you think?
Three days later.
Client: Bloody hell! You actually did alright! You got some 'matches' and that!
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Client: Oh. Nothing. And the ladies running the event were so pleased you arrived so early and helped them set-up. Really appreciated the help.
Me: Yeah well. I hate being late for things.
Client: Totally. Totally. So, shame nothing went further for you...according to our records. Anyway. Another event coming-up in a couple of weeks. What can you do with your absurd advertising rates?
Me: Nothing.
Happy Valentine's everyone.
Monday, January 26, 2015
A Woman Touches My Testicles.
Receptionist: … And when you're finished with the doctor you can sit here and have some breakfast.
I glance at the 'breakfast area'. It consists of cereal bars, porridge and various teas. I'd noticed a Greggs across the street. I know what I'll be doing.
After a while I'm invited into the examination area of the local Private Healthcare office my employer pays for. It is a condition that I come here every six months.
The very nice doctor explains that she is about to give me a full check-up.
Doctor: Are you bothered by me taking blood – are you ok with needles? And do you mind if I stick my finger up your bum?
I'm not in love with people sticking needles in me to be honest. As such, it's a given that I'm not fond of people sticking anything anywhere else.
Me: I'm sort-of used to it so I shan't pass out or anything. I've had my colon checked [10 years ago but she didn't need to know] so I'm fine without that.
She checked my height, weight and blood pressure. She calculated my BMI. She did a load of other things I don't fully understand. She took some blood. And then some more as she spilt it over the floor the first time. And it hurt like hell.
The verdict is that I am absurdly fit and well. I begin to suspect she is not a real doctor.
Doctor: When's the last time you checked for testicular cancer?
Me: Erm. [I'm assuming she's referring to MY testicles and is not assuming me to be very philanthropic and have been checking random gentleman left-right-and-centre]. Dunno.
Doctor: Well I'd best have a look. Do you mind?
I'm confounded. I've already said 'no' to the 'finger up the bum' suggestion so it actually feels REALLY RUDE to say 'no' to anything else. And she's been perfectly polite about the whole thing. I don't feel I can do anything but agree.
Me: Em. Ok.
Doctor: Drop your trousers and pants – get on the couch.
Some time passes.
Doctor: Well. They're fine.
Five minutes later I'm in Greggs with a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
I Make A New Friend I Instantly Dislike. As Usual.
I am bored so I go to the pub.
My Local Pub is closed until further notice for reasons I don't understand so I go to the Rough Pub quite near me despite vowing I never would.
All is quiet. I purchase a pint of Strong Drink and take a seat. I enjoy my drink without incident.
"Maybe it's not so bad in here," I think to myself. "Anyway, I'm off outside for a cigarette. I may actually come back here."
I exhale a lung-full of smoke outside the door in the howling wind and freezing cold. A massive gentleman clad in t-shirt, trainers and tracksuit-bottoms comes out and, after several attempts, lights a cigarette. I ignore him.
Massive Gentleman: Alright, like?
Me: Mmm? Yup.
MG: Yeah. I've just got out of prison, me like. Y'knaw.
"Here we fucking go." I think to myself.
MG: It was all a mistake.
Me: Yeah? [Deciding it's going to be LESS trouble to actually engage with him]
MG: GBH wasn't it?
Me: Right. [I am now thinking of the inside of my house, which is not filled with track-suit-clad radges convicted of Murder whilst claiming it to be Grevious Bodily Harm]
MG: Out of order. Really.
Me: Mmm?
MG: 'Cos I'm schizophrenic. I was off my meds so you get blamed for everything…
I take another drag on my cigarette and think about how pleasant and not full of mentals guilty of murder the inside of my house is. I look my new friend up-and-down. He's bloody enormous.
MG: Yeah. So I live with my Mum now. I'm on licence. I shouldn't really be here, drinking. I knifed him. It was a knife I used on him.
Me: [Exhaling cigarette smoke] Mmm.
MG: I killed him because I thought he was a paedophile. But he wasn't.
"That's enough for me." I think.
I go back inside, finish my drink, go home and vow never leave my house ever again.


text:
on November 12, 2013 - 12:24 AM
TOLEDO, Ohio — From the University at Buffalo standpoint it's a game that could mean nothing and a game that could mean everything. For Toledo, it's win or fall out of realistic title contention in the Mid-American Conference West.
To know what UB has at stake in the Glass Bowl tonight, it's best to keep an eye on the down-the-road scoreboard. The Bulls could clinch a tie for the MAC East title if they defeat Toledo and Bowling Green falls at home to Ohio in another 7:30 start. If that scenario unfolds UB needs to win just one of its last two games (at Miami, home to Bowling Green) to capture the division outright and advance to the conference title game Dec. 6 in Detroit.
If Bowling Green wins tonight the divisional race likely will go down to a winner-take-all UB-BG game on Black Friday in The Ralph no matter what the Bulls do here. UB (7-2, 5-0 conference) plays at winless Miami next Tuesday. Bowling Green (6-3, 4-1) visits 2-9 Eastern Michigan on Saturday, Nov. 23. So long as BG is within a game of the Bulls the season finale qualifies as the division title because it's also the first head-to-head tiebreaker.
Should UB win the East it is guaranteed a postseason bowl berth. If the Bulls lose tonight and fail to win the East their postseason fate becomes scattershot. The MAC has three secured bowl tie-ins this season. The division winners receive bids and the other likely would be bestowed upon the loser of Wednesday's Northern Illinois-Ball State game (NIU is 9-0, Ball State 8-1).
If the MAC finagles a fourth bowl invite it appears the choice would be between Toledo and the East Division runner-up. A Rockets win tonight would give them a sweep of BG and UB and presumably deal Toledo higher standing in the bowl pecking order. But that's also uncertain.
UB's approaching tonight's game as if it's a season unto itself. That seven-game win streak it's built, the school's longest within a season since 1897? Meaningless other than the confidence it has instilled. The vagaries of the divisional race and the bowl scenarios? Not worth pondering until, at best, much later tonight.
"We haven't accomplished anything yet," head coach Jeff Quinn said. "We haven't achieved the goals we set forth."
"We've won seven in a row but nothing's more important than the eighth this week," quarterback Joe Licata said. "We've got a real tough test in Toledo. They've got a lot of great players. They've got a lot of speed defensively and offensively obviously in a guy you guys know in Dave Fluellen. He's a great player. So we've got our hands full this week."
Fluellen, a Lockport grad, is to Toledo what Bo Oliver is to the Bulls — a solid workhorse back and a backfield receiving threat. The question is whether he's cleared to play after an injury suffered Oct. 26 against Bowling Green. If not, the burden remains with freshman Kareem Hunt. He's produced three straight 100-yard games.
UB's offense has lived in a shadow of a defense that's statistically among the best in the nation, particularly over the last seven games, when opponents have totaled seven touchdowns in regulation time. But the Bulls are also averaging 35 points during their run. Licata has thrown at least one touchdown pass in every game this season. Oliver has run for at least 128 yards in every MAC game. Alex Neutz has touchdown receptions in every game but one and is averaging 16.4 yards a catch. Those are a whole lot of yesterdays, so to speak.
"You've got to realize you're never as good as people say you are and you're never as bad as people say you are," Licata said. "You're always somewhere in between. We've been trying to stay humble and hungry this entire season and I think we've done a good job of that."
UB will be without back-up running back James Potts, who has a shoulder injury. Running back Devin Campbell returned to practice Sunday and is probable.
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British Museum
Free, open daily
Fridays until 20.30
Getting here Plan your visit Groups
Special exhibitions
Find out what's on, book your tickets in
advance or become a Member today.
What's on
Discover special exhibitions, events and displays in the Museum.
Edo bronze tusk-stand in the form of a human head. Nigeria, Benin
A queen from the Lewis Chessmen. Probably Scandinavia, about AD 1150-1200
The Rosetta Stone. Egypt, Ptolemaic period, 196 BC
Aztec double-headed serpent turquoise mosaic. Ancient Mexico, AD 1400-1521
Collection online
Search over 3.5 million objects from the Museum collection.
Discover more online
Explore the Museum on Google Street View, browse virtual exhibits and more.
Become a Member and enjoy exclusive benefits
Only £60 with Direct Debit
Free trails, workshops and activities for family visits
Bring past and present cultures to life with the schools team
Resources and more information for teachers
Objects, finds, people, digital...
Find out how the British Museum works in partnership to reach audiences across the UK.
Hear from curators, conservators, scientists and more with a unique view from behind the scenes
Conferences and venue hire
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and events
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Press office
More Museum services
Shop online
Visit our online shop for unusual gifts, beautiful jewellery, historic replicas and products inspired by cultures all over the world
Support us
Support ongoing work at the British Museum
Drawing from the collection
Sunday 2 October,
14.00 / Course
Why have ancient battles marked us so much?
Thursday 6 October,
13.30 / Special event
The Parthenon marbles, the Battle of Marathon and European identity
Friday 7 October,
13.30 / Lecture
Eye on Somali culture: an Object Journeys special event
Friday 7 October,
18.00 / Special event
The Crick Crack Club presents Kali
Sunday 9 October,
15.00 / Performance
The Bayeux Tapestry re-examined
Friday 14 October,
13.30 / Lecture