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11 Things I Learned from Writing 100 Cracked Articles
They say when a man writes 100 comedy columns, only then does he know what's truly in his heart. Here's a graph of what's in mine:
Man Comics and the Art of Being a Man
Man Comics is the official magazine of every STD clinic in Valhalla. For 11 issues, the innocence of Popsicle Pete, the wholesome values of Dick Whiskey: Drunk Cop, and the foresight of Spontaneo: The Dog Who Doesn't Give a Fuck have given us face-sexing adventures safe for young people that will ensure future generations don't grow up to be a bunch of whining pussies like mine.
When I write characters like Dick Whiskey, Bozo the Schizophrenic Clown, Major Mars, Smokey the Bear, Punchmaster!, Punchmaster!!, and Punchmaster!!!, I tap into a dark hardness our ancestors used when they had to retract their penises to climb trees. It's been an ambitious project using classic comic books to toughen up our gentle modern world, and fertility doctors have complained to me many times that Man Comics are taking away their jobs. But I'll tell you what I told those assholes: stop counting my sperm, I'm only here to meet chicks that can't get pregnant.
In all seriousness, sometimes when I'm writing Popsicle Pete he knows I'm there.
Only once did Man Comics attempt to expand its market to include women when I published Woman Comics: Romantic Comics For Women. It focused on female problems like how people call them fat and then they cry. I'd venture to say it was the easiest satire that's ever been slow-pitched to a reader, but I was still drowning in hate mail from angry ladies for weeks. Whatever sexist jerk said that women don't have a sense of humor must have tried making jokes in front of one.
Cinema and the Art of Homophobia
I like to write about movies; they're probably our culture's greatest shared experience. Why, if a man and a woman enjoy cinema enough, it might be years before they find out they've completely run out of things to talk about. Luckily, if that happens with me, I can hold up both ends of a Jean-Claude Van Damme discussion long past the natural lifespan of a human woman. I shared some of this enthusiasm in my first Cracked article on Jean-Claude Van Damme and then again in The Return of Jean-Claude Van Damme. I can sum them up if you're in a hurry: splits, balls.
I also wrote A Tribute to Patrick Swayze, 10 Irreplaceable Comedy Performances, 6 Hilarious Turkish Special Effects, and Ong Bak: Batshit Awesome Thai Warrior. You can tell a lot about a person by what kinds of movies they watch. For example, if there aren't two Rambo films in a man's top ten, be careful; he's waiting for you to fall asleep so he can rest his mouth around your penis. Okay, now that 10% of the readers are in the comments section telling me how I hate homosexuals, let's talk about those people. And by that I mean those readers, not those homosexuals.
The most rewarding and annoying part about writing jokes is watching people not get them and then react violently. I used the example of homophobia above, which I get called 25 to 100 times an article, even if I've used the word faggy in its purely scientific context. This is strange to me because none of my gay friends have ever called me that, and I'm constantly violating their social mores. For instance, I won't finger a waiter's butthole even if that's the polite way to order another round of mimosas when you have two or more gays at brunch. And the last time I was at the airport my own state senator left the bathroom telling me I have sex like a barely bi-curious virgin gorilla.
I live in San Francisco and my favorite places are bars, gyms, and used book stores. When I'm meeting a blind date I tell her to find me by looking for the only man not wearing roller skates. If I was scared of gay people, my only hobbies would be shrieking and putting on more pairs of pants. I guess my point is: readers, if you're enjoying a comedy article and it's satirical and ironic for 1000 words, stops to humorlessly mock a social group or race for one sentence, then gets satirical and ironic for 1000 more words, you either uncovered the worst hidden agenda in history or didn't get a joke. It might be time to return your Defender of Human Rights Badge until you're not a retarded fag.
Everyone with a TV is an Idiot
I've found that every time I write an article about a TV show (See: 6 Ways to Fix Reality Dating Shows), many of the commenters are excited to show off the amazing degree to which they have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. Do you know what it's like to work day and night putting together a hilarious article about something and hearing from your readers, "I READ THIS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THESE THINGS ARE!" It's confusing and paradoxical. You see, to the remedially intellectual, television is something you're more ignorant for knowing more about. Which is a second paradox. Oh, and for the idiot television viewers, that word "paradox" means "when there are two Timecops."
I've seen some awful things on TV like Angela Lansbury Jerking Off in a Tub and Steven Seagal: Lawman. But my favorite guilty pleasure is reality show auditions (Part 1 and Part 2). Talentless, entitled assholes watching their American Dreams get dragged into the street and shot... you can't get that anywhere else. Seeing douche souls shatter makes me understand why Dr. Doom never seemed to actually be trying to the Fantastic Four-- because under the right circumstances, a person can feed on human suffering. For more interesting facts about cartoons see Frosty Declares War on the War on Christmas, The Super Friends vs. Dr. "Non" Dinosoid, and Herculoids!
There's some more readers I want to talk about, so let's get rid of them for a bit. Police Academy 3 came out before Police Academy 2 and 8 is the best one. That should keep them busy. Now my point: a serious problem with the Internet is that everyone thinks they're smarter than everyone else. And if you're writing an article about TV, everyone knows they're smarter than you. There's a weird phenomenon that when you're reading an article by someone whom you're sure is dumber than you, the jokes stop making sense. Sarcasm, irony-- it all just looks like insane errors. I'll give you an example from Comedy for the Deaf, one of my most polarizing articles: "I don't want to start a scandal, but if I was a TV executive and William Shatner gave my wife head lice, Shit My Dad Says is exactly how I would get my revenge."
Normally this would be a simple joke about wealthy men trading head insects and vengeance. But since I'm clearly an idiot based on my viewing of television, the intellectually superior reader now needs to help me figure out what I meant. Some might say, "Actually, William Shatner is quite famous for wearing a hairpiece. You'd know this if you weren't such a fool." Smarter readers might quip, "Did you even know that show was based on a Twitter feed? Knowledge fail." And the smartest will simply inform me, "i don't watch this show like you c**t. looks lame. fire this f**k." These commenters' need to explain things that everyone else has a clear understanding is embarrassingly stupid, but it's also sincere. It's like someone jumping up at the Special Olympics and shouting, "Stop the race! There's something wrong with all these children! Something medically wrong!"
Every time I've ever mentioned a TV show (See: The 6 Worst Marvel Cartoons of All Time, TV Re-Mistakes, or The Star Wars Holiday Special ), dozens of condescending readers have posted irrelevant trivia that I "missed" as if they have a different Wikipedia than me. They also like to argue with jokes as if they're facts. This has happened often enough that I now only have one hard rule that I live by: if I ever see someone playing devil's advocate to a joke, I punch them in the stomach until they vomit. Because that person clearly has no soul and probably someone's baby in their stomach.
We'll Never Learn Anything From Video Games
I've written a lot about video games (See: 6 Games Too Insane To Release or The Official Nintendo Seal Awards) in my career, but not because I like them. I'm in it for the girls, especially the nerdy porn stars. See figure 32D.
Aside from them being lady magnets, the only thing I ever learned from video games is misplaced rage and how to clean and load an AR-15. Like all gamers, I find myself to be constantly oppressed by tyrannical censorship laws. And despite the fact that the tyrants have yet to win a single fucking fight against our lusty need for tits and violence, I make it my duty to speak out against this oppression like some kind of shit-painting performance artist in his first year of college. See: If Violent Video Games Really Got Banned.
As a long time gaming journalist, I find myself to be more scientist than social critic, like when I proved that Dead Rising 2 Has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, explored The Mysteries of the Human Mind With the Sims 3, or decided that Red Dead Redemption Hates Women.
To be honest, that last one was the result of me playing Red Dead Redemption and hating women all week and desperately trying to spin 40 hours of wasted time into "research."
I've also always been fascinated by the world that exists parallel to ours, The World of Warcraft. The WoW player is a bitterly determined but crappy gamer, with atrophied reflexes that make them helpless against even the slowest of incoming dangers. But since any discussion about Warcraft sounds like total gibberish to non-Warcraft players, I figured World of Warcraft Explained Using Super Mario Brothers was the only article I could ever possibly write about it. And it was, unless you count the one I did about Blizzon Report: 8 Questions Every WoW Fan Apparently Needs Answered. But you shouldn't-- that was just me destroying nerds because their swine flu conventions make me cranky. Not everything happens for some big profound reason.
Comic Books Love Nerds
Now that we all live on a planet where everyone plays video games and grew up watching Star Wars, comic books are one of the few places you can go to still feel like a real nerd (See: Marvel Super Heroes RPG for Drunk Children. People like nerdy things because it reminds them of happier times when I had more time to myself and it was nothing to masturbate 8 times in a day. There's something about Old Comic Book Ads, Racist and Useless Sidekicks, and Badly Written Psychoses that take me back to an era when a boner seemed to always know the worst possible time to appear. For example: swimming lessons, piano recitals, and breast feeding.
Super heroes are the most adapted and well-known of any characters in the history of literature, and like many authors, I have my own take on them. I explored the likely scenario of Daredevil Prematurely Ejaculating All Over Everything and wondered what would happen if Wonder Woman Was a Smartass Bitch, Green Lantern Was a Pervert, Aquaman Was an Idiot, Batman Was a Frat Boy, The Hulk's Rage Was Impotent, or if Aquaman Was in the Bible.
Not all my comic articles have been about super heroes and adult situations. I once did an article where I built a robot specifically programmed to rewrite dipshit Family Circus cartoons to be funny under the strict MPAA guidelines for a PG-13 rating. It was probably the strangest, most over-complicated comedic hook I've ever used, and the perfect example of another thing that happens when you write jokes on the Internet: no matter how unique or original what you're doing is, people accuse you of stealing.
The comments section of PG-13 Family Circus Rewritten By a Robot, again: the most absurd article concept ever, was filled with accusations that I plagiarized it from dozens of different websites. This came as quite a surprise to me after I'd been writing original jokes for the better part of two days, but it turns out the idea of replacing the words on a cartoon had already been invented. Now I get that the Internet is an incestuous Me-Too industry. 98% of it links back to the 1% making original content and the other 1% blatantly copying it. There's so much thievery going on that maybe these Internet nutbags can't even tell what's actual stealing anymore. But listen closely because the rest of this paragraph is being submitted for Pulitzer consideration: If you accuse me of plagiarism because my genius robot made fun of Family Circus and someone in 2002 added bad poop jokes to Marmaduke, I'm going to kick your mom's coughing vagina for having the same haircut as Osama Bin Laden.


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Saffron Extract 50 Vegetarian Capsules from Bio Nutrition Inc. may enhance alertness' possibly provide neurological support' alleviate stress' and could uplift mood. Studies claim that saffron has been used since olden times' and is believed to possess health benefits. However' one hardly incorporates saffron in the daily diet' and is also likely to compromise on the daily diet' which could lead to health conditions.
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Overall Rating for Saffron Extract - 50 Vegetarian Capsules
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subset: commoncrawl


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Week in Review
This week in the Paleo Plan world, We found a few articles, websites or blog posts that we thought were interesting this week. Thought I'd share them here. On top of that, we reached some milestones ourselves this week. We finished editing our upcoming book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Paleo with Penguin Publishing, which will be out in April '12. You can pre-order the book now here. We also made some serious progress on our upcoming Paleo Challenge … Continue reading


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interhome property
Størrelse30 m²
- Håndklær
- Husdyr er tillatt
- Familie / Barne vennlig
- Parkering tilgjengelig
- Balkong/terrasse
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|52210 Rovinj, Općina Rovinj, Istria County, Kroatia
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|I dag
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Excellent! The house is stunning and it has a beautiful view. We've been accepted very well and Ms Lener was immediately helpful. We'll surely come back as soon as possible. Super advised!
Everything was as described and as the pictures show. The appartment was in a very good condition and everything was clean. The host was very friendly and welcoming and also gave us some insider tipps where to enter the ski resorts and where good restaurants are available. The Wifi was stable and fast enough (approx. 6-7 MBit/s) The only downside isthat the appartment isn't very soundproof and after 10 p.m. you would need to be very quiet in the appartment but all in all we would come again and recommend this place to friends.
This was a very nice stay in a flat with everything, you need.
Got this for a great price. Not amazing looking but a nice place for three young guys who just want to snowboard with the odd night out. Had everything we needed. Oven, hob, cutlery, shower, sofa beds, balcony and the place was nice and warm. These apartments are located above clubs and bars so expect to hear music and crowd noise starting around 11, possibly depends where you are situated in the building . Perhaps not suitable for a family.
fantastic location, beautiful Old Prague apartment. big and spacious: pity there's only one bathroom and the WC is truly small and uncomfortable. characteristic furniture although sometimes broken. very efficient reception with nice people welcoming and helping you. we stayed in 5 adults.
Very nice flat in a good location. Perfect service.
I went with my girlfriend, my parents and my dog. We all really loved the stay! The house is renewed, and everything was like shown in the pictures. It's well placed and the city is lovely. I really recommend.
Everything was great :) Can only recommend it.
Great location within 5-10 minutes walk to east croydon.Good walking distance to the shopping centre in Croydon. Apartment better then expected. Fully equipped, good heating. Had some problems connecting to the WiFi and to get hot water in the kitchen and sink I the bathroom, other then that,fully satisfied.
a nice place to visit
- Kvalitetssikret innkvartering
- Hver vert er verifisert via telefon
- Sikker betaling med SSL-kryptering


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Top Definition
Someone or something that has an over zealous liking for the same sex, often of weak stature with little or no friends.
look at that guy all alone over there, he keeps looking at that other dudes arse, what a bezant!
von Shilpa Shetty 2. Februar 2007
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?


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Tokyo Halloween Night
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Recent Event Highlights: Jason Michael Carroll || Love Won't Let Me, Jason Michael Carroll- No Good in Goodbye, jason michael carroll - no good in goodbye lyrics, No Good In Goodbye (Jason Michael Carroll Cover), Let Me Go - Jason Michael Carroll, "Let Me Go" Jason Michael Carroll, and 5 more...
Created by dipity on Oct 6, 2010
Last updated: 01/23/11 at 07:29 AM
Jason Michael Carroll No Good In Goodbye has no followers yet. Be the first one to follow.
I discovered this amazing musician just a couple days ago and totally fell in love with his songs and voice. Enjoy! ;)
I learned this song tonight, so please forgive the slight screw-ups...Otherwise feel free to comment!
Jason michael carroll (feat. Jewel) - No good in goodbye lyrics Want to see another song lyrics on youtube? let me know!
I done this song three times and I'm hoping I did better this time around! I hope you enjoy and here's the lyrics: I knew you wouldn't answer after the things we said that night You were crying I grabbed the keys and said goodbye Well hang on please don't hang up let me talk to our machine I've had all this time to think about what you mean to me {Chorus} I know you said it's over but my hearts telling me that ain't right I know it can't be over 'cause I still wake up reaching for you in the night It took leaving for me to realize there's good in goodbye I'm listening to the talking should I pick up the phone And lay my pride aside and say come home I've played that moment over time and time again When giving up seemed easier than just giving in {Chorus} I'll try to call you one more time Baby if you'd just call me one more time {Chorus}
The song Let Me Go by Jason Michael Carroll. I used pictures from one of his concerts I went to and pictures I found on the internet. This is one of my favorite songs of his but I LOVE ALL of his songs! He has a great voice! If you ever get a chance to go to one of his concert, please go!! You will have a blast!!! I know I did when I went! He comes out into the crowd to sign autographs and if you put your hand out he will come touch it! Jason is a great singer, with an amazing voice!!! His song are related to his life in very important ways! We love you, Jason! You are an amazing man and singer! :D Sorry if the pictures are a bit blurry!
**READ** if you ask a question that was answered in this, I will be very irritated. We had Bella on a free lease for an indefinite amount of time because she wasn't for sale; she just needed a job. But a few months back, her owner-Debbie-decided that she wanted her daughter to have Bella for next show season. This meant we would have her through december, which was upsetting, but at that point, it would have been close to time to move up. But then she started having soundness issues. We tried a couple of different things that helped for a short amount of time, but she'd always get funny again. Not always lame, just not quite right. But eventually, she go to the point where she was bucking every few strides at the canter, and stopping at the fences even when they were tiny. She's always had a bit of an attitude, and my trainer thought that maybe she was just acting up again, btu I knew this wasn't right. I knew Bella, and something was wrong. We decided to give her a few dys off from jumping, but the next time I rode her, she was dead lame. We called the vet and set up an appointment, but I was worried that we'd have to give her back early because it seemed like she had joint issues and as she was already on joint supplement, I figured the only solution would be joint injections. It was already Aug. and it wasn't worth it for a few more months of showing, and we wouldn't have felt right working her that hard when she wasn't actually sound. However, we had good news. She ...
UBG Song#3 is released! www.davecarrollmusic.com/song3 There is now a video response: www.youtube.com Full Story: www.davecarrollmusic.com - In the spring of 2008, Sons of Maxwell were traveling to Nebraska for a one-week tour and my Taylor guitar was witnessed being thrown by United Airlines baggage handlers in Chicago. I discovered later that the $3500 guitar was severely damaged. They didnt deny the experience occurred but for nine months the various people I communicated with put the responsibility for dealing with the damage on everyone other than themselves and finally said they would do nothing to compensate me for my loss. So I promised the last person to finally say no to compensation (Ms. Irlweg) that I would write and produce three songs about my experience with United Airlines and make videos for each to be viewed online by anyone in the world. United: Song 1 is the first of those songs. United: Song 2 has been written and video production is underway. United: Song 3 is coming. I promise. Follow me at twitter.com . Video Produced by Curve Productions of Halifax, www.curveproductionsinc.com.
5-17-09 WYCD Hoedown - Detriot, MI
"Let Me Go" off JMC's 2nd album "Growing Up Is Getting Old". Amazing song and the album is incredible. Be sure to pick yourself up a copy! I do not own the song or pictures used in this video. I just put the video together. Hope you enjoy! Visit www.jasonmichaelcarroll.com to learn more about JMC and talk with other fans! Visit www.brittanysbattle.org to learn more about Brittany and support the fight against lung cancer! Lyrics: They were sitting on his tailgate She was loving on his rough neck She was talking 'bout running away While he was piffin' on a cigarette And just thinking... How am I gonna say goodbye He said, girl, you got it good here You don't need to mess with A guy going nowhere She said how's about Texas He got up and shook his head then he said Ain't you been listening It's never gonna work out And I think it'd be a good time now to Chorus: Let me go You don't need me, baby Stop holding on the way you are Don't you know i'm no good for you And it'll only break your heart If you don't Let me go He said other than a dreamer I ain't nothing but a drifter You could do a lot better He leaned over and he kissed her He said you got another year of college and A good mama and a daddy And me I got ninety-three dollars And this old '82 Chevy Chorus: Let me go You don't need me, baby Stop holding on the way you are Don't you know i'm no good for you And it'll only break your heart If you don't Let me go She said nice try but you can't hide behind Those shades there ...
Me Breana and Terrell singing a cover of Jewel and Jason Micheal Carroll song "No Good In Goodbye" .
PLEASE READ! Story description: Ok so it's the end of 7th year and Draco and Hermione have already gotten married and had a son. But Voldemort is still alive. Harry and Ron needed someone to go with them and so they decided to choose Draco to go along. But Voldemort wants Trevor (Hermione and Dracos son) He wants to make Draco suffer the same way he almost had to. But he wants to succeed so he puts Lucius to do the job because he's the closest thing to Trevor beside their family and friends.
Jason Michael Carroll & Jewel It's my first video, so please be patient......
Jason Michael Carroll and Jewel perform a live acoustic version of "No Good In Goodbye"
Jewel and Jason Michael Carroll singing "Theres No Good in Goodbye" at a live performance.
No Good In Goodbye (Live)
After winning my Kwf Championship my niece wanted to sing a song for karaoke So we did a Jason MIchael Carroll song
Jason Michael Carrol Love won't let me couples
LOST music video with song 'Let it Rain' by Jason Michael Carroll. Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Juliet, jate, skate, jacket. My first attempt at a music video. Rate and comment please! Lyrics: "A storm on the horizon weather's coming in Smell of the rain takes me back again To a morning just like this clouds filled the sky And everytime II think about that day I said goodbye [Chorus] My heart beats like thunder as I call out your name And all my tears start falling down like the rain So let it rain let it rain I remember back in college you loved these kind of days When we'd run off to your apartment and hide away We'd talk about forever and how we'd share our lives It never crossed my mind I'd be without you here tonight [Chorus] I'm not afraid of dying it's something we all do But I'm scared to death of living the rest of my life without you [Chorus]"


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Top Definition
blandly pious and naively optimistic
At the risk of sounding too kumbaya, I felt as if I had finally come home.
от Timla 19 февруари 2007
Trending Now
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The Kumbaya Law: In any conversation where some of the participants hold an opinion to the left of other participants, someone with the more conservative position will compare said person's opinion to the naivete of "singing around a campfire singing Kumbaya"
"Since you are such a Liberal, what would you have us say to those 'peace-loving Palestinians' after three wars in six years? 'Oh, I know that you want to push us all into the sea, but let's sit around the campfire and sing Kumbaya instead.'"
от GSD1951 18 ноември 2012
to relax or chill
Like seriously, she needed to kumbaya or something.
от JadaJewel 22 март 2015
Exclamation, used as alternative to "Oh My God" First used my the character Eek in the cartoon series "Eek the Cat"
"Kumbaya! Those are huge!"
от John4o 02 юли 2007


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(based on 10 reviews)
Ratings Distribution
5 Stars
4 Stars
3 Stars
2 Stars
1 Stars
of respondents would recommend this to a friend.
Most Liked Positive Review
Works great to hold my son's Ipad on the floor
I bought for the specific purpose of putting my special needs son's ipad on it so that it wouldn't slip off. I had read the reviews and the fact that it was soft and...Read complete review
I bought for the specific purpose of putting my special needs son's ipad on it so that it wouldn't slip off. I had read the reviews and the fact that it was soft and the ipad could set down in it sounded good. It seems to work much better than any of the harder (or sturdier) ipad holders, as it doesn't slid off as easily. One reviewer mentioned the plastic in the pockets at the back was noisy and that it true. Interesting lining. I could see how if you were reading in bed next to someone else and put something in there, they would be noisy, but for my purposes, this works great as an IPad Air holder for my son -- on the floor.
Most Liked Negative Review
Could Have Been a Lot Better
The idea and overall design for this item is good, but the material used on the outside and the filling (especially) are well below what I expected. I still haven't figured out what...Read complete review
The idea and overall design for this item is good, but the material used on the outside and the filling (especially) are well below what I expected. I still haven't figured out what it is filled with but it sounds like a bunch of plastic bags. I do us it but it could have been lot better. By the way, I did not get a microfiber cleaning cloth and in fact did not even know it had pockets.
Reviewed by 10 customers
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Levenger does it again!
By dammyankee
from Atlanta, Ga
Another great deal from a great company. Got this for my daughter's ipad minin and she loves it
Bottom Line Yes, I would recommend this to a friend
Was this review helpful? Yes / No
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iPad Pillow
By ElleR
from Valrico, FL
I use this with my Windows Surface. I used to put it on a pillow in my lap, but it slid around to much. The lip holds the Surface in place so I don't have to.
By Marciebie
from Undisclosed
Bottom Line No, I would not recommend this to a friend
Merchant response: Thank you for your feedback of our Boucle iPad Pillow. I am sorry that this product did not meet your expectations. Your comments' concerning this pillow has prompted our quality assurance team to review our stock. We pride ourselves on providing exceptional customer service and would like the chance to make this right. Please contact our customer care center at 1-800-545-0242 to discuss a resolution.
By JCOregon
from Oregon
Loved it!
By 7sem7
from Anacortes, WA
I read the reviews posted before purchasing and then ordered it. I just love it and carry it around with me. It is great when sitting in a chair to have on my lap and it is great for reading in bed (I do this every night). This is really a great product. Thank you!
Not worth the money!
By Sonuel
I was disappointed at the lack of quality in this product. It did not have enough "filling" in it and the two stash pockets are lined with plastic that made noise whenever I touched the Boucle Pillow. I like to read in bed, but I stopped using the pillow after one day when my husband said , "Wow, that new pillow sure is loud". I agree! I wasted my money.
Merchant response: Thank you for your feedback of our Boucle iPad Pillow. Your comments concerning the quality of this pillow have been forwarded to our product development team for review. We apologize this product did not meet your expectations. We stand by our 100% guarantee and will be happy to offer a replacement or refund for your pillow. The complete satisfaction of our customers is very important to us. If you would like to return this item for a refund back to your original payment method, please contact our customer service center at 1-800-545-0242 to arrange your return. We would be happy to send you a pre-paid FedEx label for your convenience.
nice for the price ...
By dgf60
from Brooklyn, NY
i really did like this product. i like the material and the color. it holds my ipad very well when i am sitting in bed or in a chair. the filling was a bit looser than i had anticipated, but the product works very well. and the sale price was amazing thank you levenger!
handy item
By noname
from Tallahassee,Fl.
I already have a lapdesk, actually 3 similar ones from Levenger, which I use for reading books, and using my laptops.This smaller, more portable device is handy for use with my 10" Galaxy Tablet. I can sit in bed, on the couch, in my fav. rocking chair-anywhere and it is light and right there to support my tablet at just the right angle.AND it was nicely priced on sale as well.
Great Find
By Pilgrim
from Overland Park KS
I like everything about this ipad stand. Light weight, storage for iphone or other items, navy blue is perfect for personal or professional use, holds ipad in place very well, perfect for home and travel. Great price on sale.
not worth $10.00 much less $69
By Dede
This pillow did not work proerly. The iPad slipped down and from side to side. The fabric was cheap and the filling wias sparse. I was very disappointed as I thought levenger would only carry quality items. I would not have paid even $10 for this item if I had handled it first. And after trying to use it, even at $10 I would ;have returned it.
Merchant response: Thank you for your review of the Boucle iPad Pillow. We apologize this product did not meet your needs. We have forwarded your concerns to our Product and Development team for review. Please contact our customer service center at 1-800-544-0880 to discuss how we can make this right for you.
© Copyright Levenger Company
2016. All Rights Reserved.


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on November 5, 2012 - 6:50 AM
• Plank Road & Carter Drive, Marjorie J. Carter to Henri Kursten, $15,000.
• Ridge Road, Albert J. Belliveau; Jane M. Belliveau to Willy J. Weinmann; Tammie L. Weinmann, $170,000.
• Ridge Road, Robert B. Brewer III to Alissa L. Silsby, $108,000.
• Checkered Tavern Road, County of Niagara to Stephen Charles Crowe, $15,500.
• Hewitt Parkway, John P. McVicker to Deborah A. Dimarco; Vincent Dimarco, $160,000.
• Oak Run Drive & Eastwood Circle, Janelle Pysz; Richard J. Pysz to Ryan P. Hanna, $50,000.
• Mcintosh Drive & Independence Drive, Deborah L. Maloney to Robert W. Miller Jr.; Marilyn Cote-Miller, $168,000.
• Irving St., Sandra A. Szell to Theresa A. Little, $89,900.
• Scovell St. & Washington St., Vera Townsend to Scott R. Herald, $80,000.
• Waterman St., Donna J. White; Robert D. White to Susan L. Horrocks, $77,000.
• Mckee Road, Kim E. Sarratori; John R. Sarratori Jr. to Scott T. Gregson, $227,500.
• Mckee Road, Gina M. Becker; Scott G. Becker to Joel T. Hambruch, $153,000.
• Lake Road, Bishop I. Hines Jr. to Curt Noon; Carol Noon, $134,300.
• Wheeler Road, Perry W. Prentice to Daniel R. Ball, $120,000.
• Brown Road, Linda L. Chutko; James A. Chutko to Donald F. Drake, $87,000.
• Lockport-Olcott Road, Joel T. Hambruch; Virginia L. Hambruch; Virginia L. Colley to Christine Nilson, $80,000.
NIAGARA FALLS Highest price: $178,000 Average price: $58,310 Median price: $39,000 Number of Sales: 17
• West Rivershore Drive, Kathleen V . Hesson; Steven A. Urbani; Kathleen V. Hessen to Sarah E. Gismondi, $178,000.
• Hennepin Ave., Sarah E. Gismondi to Jennifer M. Glose, $134,900.
• Orchard Parkway, Victoria Kula; John Kula to James E. Sokolowski, $127,000.
• 84th St., Marsha Gee to Deanna M. Shaffer; Matthew J. Shaffer, $99,000.
• West Rivershore Drive, Elsa M. Urbani; Kathleen V. Hesson; Maria E. Urban; Aldo Urbani to Kathleen V. Hesson; Kathleen V. Hessen, $58,072.
• 208 75th St., Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corp. to Kimberly S. Irizarry, $56,500.
• Parkway Condo Unit 710, Patricia E. Santarosa; Maureen C. Baliah to Gianna Mazzei, $49,900.
• Independence Ave., Anthony D. Cosentino Jr.; Lucy F. Cosentino to Anthony J. Alterio, $42,400.
• L109 17th St., Joseph Lagatta Jr.; Pasquale Lagatta; Marco Soffritti to Marla A. Canning; Dale E. Canning, $39,000.
• Orleans Ave. & 30th St., First Niagara Bank to Gina I. Virtuoso; Dennis Virtuoso, $32,000.
• 86th St. Riverpark Condo Unit A3, Mary Lou Korzak; John J. Korzak to David J. Korzak, $30,000.
• Ferry Ave., Wing Properties to Lemoine Immo New York, $29,500.
• L100 Seneca Ave., Pensco Trust to Lemoine Immo New York, $28,500.
• Willow Ave., Wing Properties to Lemoine Immo New York, $27,000.
• Hyde Park Blvd., Brian P. Furan to Mary Nadeau, $25,000.
• Linwood Ave., Patrick D. Jessie; Tommie M. Moore to Habitat Enterprises, $21,000.
• Falls Ave., Ralph W. Kline; Diane Marie Gelose to KC Buffalo Enterprises, $13,500.
NORTH TONAWANDA Highest price: $160,000 Average price: $100,635 Median price: $92,500 Number of Sales: 10
• Wultitzer Drive & Bluebird Drive, Shirley A. Amacher; James L. Amacher to Irr Supply Centers Inc., $160,000.
• Cambridge Ave., Michael E. Phillips; Cheryl A. Phillips to Michael J. Chambers; Kelly M. Chambers, $140,000.
• Belmont Court West, Colleen B. Harding to Francesca M. Baase, $120,000.
• 1740 Ruie Road, Kurt D. Hollasch; Eleanor G. Hollasch to Ashley Joyner; Stephen G. Greig, $110,300.
• Ward Road, Sandra Ponivas; Nan M. Olson; Deborah Berdzik; Peggy Wydysh; Richard K. Olson to Darleen Anne Lipka, $100,000.
• Clair Ave., Robert W. Miller Jr.; Marilyn J. Cote-Miller to Rabee Rizek, $85,000.
• Marion St., Robert K. Martin; Frances I. Martin to Justin W. Custer, $78,700.
• Jackson Ave., Deborah L. Soukup; Steven R. Soukup to Julie Chasey, $75,350.
• Moll St., Anna Osolinsky; Karen Gadzik to Victor Gadzik; Karen Gadzik, $70,000.
• Fillner Ave., Lawrence Smith; Marie T. Smith to Diane S. Fedeson, $67,000.
• Fisk Road, Scott T. Gregson to Michael Kriegbaum, $159,500.
• Balmer Road, Ivan H. Lanaway; Christine G. Lanaway to Haley M. Alfiere; James J. Alfiere, $249,100.
• Glenvale Road, Amy A. Hare; Amy A. Bush to Thomas J. Wessel; Marlene M. Wessel, $159,000.
• Lake Road, Daniel W. Kline; Diane Marie Gelose to Lakeside Cottages Inc., $150,000.
• Lockport St., Jason Folckemer; Jessica Folckemer to Maria D. Costello, $147,500.
• Lake Road, Maureen Evans; James W. Evans to David C. Denny; Patricia E. Denny, $113,000.
• Wolcottsville Road, Wesley Rehwaldt; Thomas Rehwaldt; Brenda Gerstung; Bradley Rehwaldt; Phyllis Baehr; Thomas J . Rehwaldt;to Cheryl Rehwaldt, $185,000.
• Carmen Road, Larry L. Decker; Nancy F. Decker to Peter Zeliff, $150,000.
• Freeman Road, Gloria J. Cochi; Poyfair Family; Diane M. Rozanski to Michael P. Stoughton, $71,000.
• Ernest Road, James C. Acord to Mary Salyer; James Salyer, $35,000.
• Freeman Road, Gloria J. Cochi; Diane M. Rozanski; Poyfair Family to Ronald A. Kubas; Melissa A. Kubas, $15,500.
• Hartland Road, Ida B. Higgins; Timothy D. Higgins to Christina M. Gardner; Roger W. Gardner, $170,213.
• Minnick Road, Daniel E. Lichtenberger; Carolyn M. Lichtenberger; Daniel Eli Lichtenberger to Douglas M. Bisher; Julie N. Bisher, $287,500.
• Green Valley Lane, Douglas Saurer; Kristen Saurer to Jenna R. Darrell; Anderson L. Darrell, $195,000.
• Emily Lane, Jerome T. Boyd; Latrice D. Boyd to Chang Zhao, $192,000.
• Susanne Drive, Nancy L. Shambach; David N. Shambach to Rosemary Jane Mann, $153,500.
• 6107 South Transit Road, Esther Gulyas Tax Service Inc. to Transit Road Realty, $135,000.
• Northview Drive, Jenna R. Darrell; Anderson L. Darrell to Sally Cutter, $92,000.
• 6541 Slayton Settlement Road, County of Niagara to Dean L. Walker, $25,000.
WHEATFIELD Highest price: $335,000 Average price: $173,590 Median price: $189,860 Number of Sales: 8
• Kassie Court, GMD Development to Tiffney A. Gilday; Arthur A. Keller, $335,000.
• Lakeside Drive, Dana L. Grady to Mount Zion Baptist Church of Niagara Falls, $220,000.
• Driftwood Drive, Darko Vranic; Erica Vranic to Agnes G. Dombrowski, $215,000.
• Skylark Lane, Ryan Homes of New York; Nvr Inc. to Keera Lukasiewicz; Nicholas W. Lukasiewicz, $199,155.
• Ward Road, Ryan Homes of New York; Nvr Inc. to Sean M. Felton, $180,565.
• 3776 Lockport Road, Carol Converso; Nicholas J. Converso to Kathy K. Nuhfer; Stephen G. Nuhfer, $143,000.
• Maple Drive, Susan L. Horrocks to Keith Deuble, $86,000.
• Lockport Road, Dominick J. Tallarico; Margo L. Tallarico to Orlen Keith; Linda Keith, $10,000.
• Randall Road, Harold James Yaeger; Lorraine M. Yaeger; Harold J. Yaeger to Gwendolyn J. Lajoie; Ronald J. Lajoie, $192,000.
• Lake Island Park, Joseph A. Jastrzemski to Diane E. Remick, $108,000.
• Braley Road, Craig R. Hoffman; David B. Hoffman; Linda M. Hurley to Lawrence J. Banks, $12,000.


text:
The University of Texas at Brownsville-Texas
Southmost College was reaccredited in 2008 by the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools Commission on Colleges. The College of Education is accredited by Texas Education Agency. As of January 2011, our College and Community Counseling programs were nationally accredited by The Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs. The College Education is currently pursuing accreditation by the National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education.
Academic Advisors • Certification Office • Teacher Education Program
Students should visit with their Academic Advisor to declare their major and have a Program of Study prepared. This can be done upon admission to the University. Students who are undecided should visit the Advising Center to meet with an Academic Advisor. Students taking developmental courses should visit the Advising Center to be advised on required courses.
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text:
Remarks as delivered February 24, 2005:
Good afternoon.
Public Advocate Gotbaum, Majority Leader Rivera, Deputy Majority Leader Perkins, Majority Whip Comrie, Minority Leader James Oddo, members of the Council, Speaker Vallone, Borough President Carrion - welcome.
We're pleased to be joined by a number of members of the State Senate and the State Assembly.
I want to thank my wife and family for all their love and support.
And I want to thank my colleagues and the people of New York City for the extraordinary opportunity to serve as Speaker of this Council.
I am grateful for this opportunity to report to you on the state of our city, to recall our record of accomplishment and to chart a course of action for the days ahead.
Standing here, it's hard to believe that only three years ago we met for the first time in this Chamber as a new legislature.
That morning, you could still smell the smoke from Ground Zero, still feel the shock from that terrible day.
There are so many images from that time that are impossible to forget, but the one I remember most was sitting in the memorial service for the 343 fallen firefighters. I remember seeing the entire floor of Madison Square Garden filled with families who had lost a loved one, and seeing so many children who were the same age as my two sons are now.
I will never forget their sacrifice and I will never forget that image because, for these three and a half years, my work as Speaker and the work we have done together has been about building a better world for those children and a stronger city for every New Yorker.
We started out during one of the most uncertain moments in our city's history. We faced the worst fiscal crisis in a generation and had to make difficult choices to begin to rebuild our city's future.
But because the City Council held fast to our values, I am proud to report that the state of our city is stronger today than it was when we began our work here together.
This Council has confronted great challenges. And we have responded by making the right choices for New York's future.
We've practiced fiscal responsibility, while upholding New York's quality of life and protecting our most vulnerable. We have defended critical investments and improved essential services making life better for New Yorkers.
This City Council managed to cut $3.2 billion from the budget and still make kids our top priority, invest in working families and never forget the seniors who built this City.
We put education first, restoring hundreds of millions of dollars in cuts that would have harmed our children and hindered our schools at a time when we could least afford it.
We protected the standard of living and the dignity of New York's elderly by restoring more than $11 million for senior centers and meals.
We kept up the fight against HIV and AIDS by protecting $19 million for prevention and outreach programs focusing on communities of color.
We took a stand for the hopes and dreams of thousands of young people struggling to afford a college education by stopping $18 million in cuts that would have eliminated the Vallone scholarship program.
We defended affordable day-care for thousands of parents by saving 2,500 day-care slots and adding 5,700 more so working families could build a better future for their children.
We protected tens of thousands of Mitchell Lama units, dedicated $40 million to create additional affordable housing and used our rezoning authority to ensure thousands of new affordable housing units would be part of our City's development.
We created the City's first ever Earned Income Tax Credit that's helping 700,000 working New Yorkers take the step from poverty to prosperity.
And we invested $10 million last year in programs to address the root causes of long-term structural unemployment, because no one should declare victory over unemployment when half of African American and 43% of Latino men are out of work in our City.
And let me say that this year my colleagues and I are committed to doubling that investment - and we call on Mayor Bloomberg to join forces with us in a united front against joblessness.
I am proud that together, the New York City Council fought for the right choices in our City's budget. And I am also proud of the choices we made in passing new laws.
Because extending a living wage to 50,000 workers who are trying to climb into the middle class was the right choice for New York's future.
Protecting our children from brain damage and lifelong learning disabilities that result from exposure to poisonous lead paint was the right choice for New York's future.
Making sure that employees of City contractors get equal benefits, regardless of sexual orientation, was the right choice for New York's future.
Providing a school nurse to every child in this city was the right choice for New York's future.
And guaranteeing access to emergency contraception for the victims of sexual assault was the right choice for New York's future.
We've worked with the Mayor and his administration on legislation when it was the responsible thing to do. We've passed hundreds of laws with the Mayor that will better the lives of our constituents and help prepare our city for the challenges ahead.
But we've also stood up to this Mayor when it was the right choice for our City's future. In three years, we have overturned 27 mayoral vetoes, and we have always fought for the values and priorities of the people we represent.
That's why we are here. Each of us ran for office because we believe in the people of this City.
And every member of this Council has contributed to making New York a great city in the 21st century.
But in particular, I want to acknowledge the contributions of five people who have done an extraordinary job for the people of their districts and for everyone in our City. Five people for whom, like me, this is their last State of the City as members of this Council.
Please join me in thanking Tracy Boyland, Margarita Lopez, Bill Perkins, Madeline Provenzano, and Philip Reed for their service.
We've accomplished a lot together. But we all know there's still much more to do.
As New Yorkers, we look forward, not backward. We know that New York City still faces many tests in the years to come. We also know that the future belongs to those who are willing to accept great challenges and make the right choices.
Thinking about choices reminds me of a story about my son, and you all know how much I like to tell stories about my sons. Two years ago, when I was running in my last race for City Council, my wife decided that it was time for my older son to learn to vote.
Addison, she said, today is election day, and we have to vote. We can vote for Daddy, or Daddy's friend Jennifer. She was trying to be fair, my wife is scrupulously fair. Addison looked confused. Well, Addison, she said, voting is like choosing, and we have to choose between Daddy, or Daddy's friend Jennifer. Addison still looked confused. (He had only just turned 3.)
Well Addison, she said, in the morning, when Daddy takes you to school, he takes you to the deli and you have to choose whether you want a bagel or a donut. This is like that. You have to choose between Daddy and Daddy's friend Jennifer. At this point, Addison seemed to get it.
So she took him into the voting booth, held him up and said: okay Addison, do you want Daddy, or Daddy's friend Jennifer. And Addison looked at her and said: I want a donut!
The moral of this story is that the choices we make are really about the needs of New Yorkers.
And a critical choice that we must make right now is whether or not to spend public resources on a stadium for the West Side of Manhattan.
I've heard this Administration talk about how building the stadium is the greatest test we face. And I can't think of a better statement to demonstrate how the Mayor has the wrong priorities for our City's future.
Because when stadiums become a more important priority than schools, then the Mayor is making the wrong choice.
The bottom line is that I have fought and will keep on fighting against this stadium so that my children and your children won't end up paying for this terrible mistake.
Because this stadium won't help our city.
It won't help us financially.
Mayor Bloomberg has told New Yorkers the stadium will cost us $300 million in City money. What he hasn't said is that if the State doesn't come up with its $300 million for the stadium, we're on the hook for it. He hasn't disclosed the potentially hundreds of millions of dollars in infrastructure costs for amenities like a so-called "game porch" and pedestrian walkways. And he hasn't told us that the Jets aren't going to pay taxes on this site, that they'll be getting breaks on the contributions they do make, and that they won't pay a fair price for the land.
When you add it all up, not only will this stadium cost taxpayers more than $1 billion, the experience of almost every other City tells us that we won't make that investment back.
This stadium also won't help our traffic problems.
The Mayor says that this 75,000 seat stadium will add only 174 cars on game day coming through the Lincoln Tunnel. In reality, the number of extra cars could be as high as 17,000 for midtown - and the Administration's plan doesn't include a single new parking space.
To the tens of thousands of New Yorkers stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, that kind of planning will give a whole new meaning to the term Tailgating.
The West Side stadium also won't help us get the Olympics.
The Mayor says that New York will lose the 2012 Olympic games if we don't build this stadium right away. In reality, he's setting up a false choice for New Yorkers. We don't need to build a stadium today for an Olympics that is seven years away - particularly when there are better venues in our city, like in Queens, on which to build.
And it won't help us create more jobs.
The right choice is to build housing, commercial and open space on this land, bringing thousands of jobs right now. And we should develop an Olympic stadium in Queens. That way, we'd bring twice the jobs to New York that we would by just building a West Side Stadium.
The fact is: the stadium is the wrong choice. The right choice for the far West Side is a vision for a vibrant, 24/7 community that will attract new businesses, new jobs and new residents.
This year, we passed an historic rezoning for the rest of West Midtown that included common sense priorities: more commercial space, more housing and more affordable housing, a network of parks and open space, an extended 7-line and an expanded Javits Convention Center.
Now, it's time to extend those priorities to the rest of the West Side.
Today, I am proposing a plan to rezone the 13 acres of the West Side that the Mayor wants for this stadium so that we can instead realize a vision for a thriving, vibrant West Side that sparks continued growth in the rest of our City. And I ask that you join me in support of that plan.
It would mean more funds to stabilize our transit system so we can avoid the repeated fare hikes of the last two years, more commercial space where our entrepreneurs and workers can realize their dreams, more parks where our children can grow and play, more access to our underutilized waterfront, and more housing where New Yorkers can raise their families.
Incredibly, the Mayor says that if we build housing on the far West Side this City will have "too much housing." Too Much Housing? Too much housing when our police and firefighters and teachers can't afford to live where they work? Too much housing when middle-class families are forced out of our City? Too much housing when the seniors that built this City struggle to keep their homes?
This site presents an incredible opportunity to develop the housing we need - both market and affordable housing. And we need more housing in New York City.
Second, we need more parks and open space and this site presents an opportunity to expand on the success of the Hudson River Park in a real way that gives people access to one of the greatest waterfronts in the world.
Third, there should be a commercial component but one that complements midtown and downtown - not competes with them. For example, this is the perfect site to develop hotels that support the expanded Javits Center that I so strongly believe in.
And, finally, the Mayor says that without a stadium there will be no 7-train extension. That's just wrong. That extension was never about providing access to a stadium alone. It is about developing the West Side in a way that creates more jobs and more opportunities for all New Yorkers and serves an expanded convention center that should be at the heart of our plans for the West Side's future.
And to make sure we make the right choice for this valuable property, the MTA must agree that its competitive bidding process will actually be competitive, by taking bids consistent with our rezoning vision, or else it will leave us with a process rigged for the stadium.
It's not too late to make the right choices. But we need to act now.
Over the last year, the Mayor has tried to pull an end-run around this Council to get approval for his stadium. He's sought to bypass the people's elected legislature by backdoor approvals through obscure and unaccountable state bureaucracies. He's tried to arrange a massive expenditure of public funds without any oversight from the City's publicly elected representatives.
So I will introduce legislation to stop the Mayor's plan to finance the stadium through a slush fund and make sure that every public dollar our City spends goes through our public budget process. And I ask you to join me in supporting this legislation.
This is a stand we must make. Since the Charter made the City Council the final authority on passing budgets, no mayor has tried to remove an expenditure of this size from public review. It's wrong. And even if you support the stadium, this is still a precedent that you and I cannot allow to stand.
This Administration is wrong when it says that a stadium is the greatest test we face.
Because we all know that our greatest test is educating our children.
And while every New Yorker should give Mayor Bloomberg credit for taking responsibility for the school system, no New Yorker who has seen the results can doubt that too much attention has been focused on bureaucratic reshuffling and not enough on the fundamentals: smaller class sizes, more quality teachers, safer schools, and stronger after-school programs.
Think about the difference between successful suburban schools and unsuccessful urban schools. The first thing you notice when you walk into a suburban school is that it's nice. It has lighting. It has a seat for every child. It has an art room, a music room, a science lab, and a gym where kids can exercise. It has the basic tools that kids need to achieve.
This sends a simple message to every child in that school, every parent in that neighborhood, and every teacher who works there: Your education is important enough to give you the most basic resources needed for success.
In New York City, we send the exact opposite message every day. We send three-quarters of our high school students to overcrowded schools and then tell them to have lunch at 9:30 AM every morning. We ask kids to pass science Regents tests and then we don't give them science labs. We ask kids to become truly literate and then we deny them the arts and music programs that study after study show improves literacy.
This City puts kids in schools like IS 10 in Astoria, which I visited last week, where snow blows through broken windows and into the classrooms where our kids are trying to learn.
This City sends a powerful message every day to kids and teachers in our public schools that it's not serious enough about their education to give them the tools they need to succeed.
We have to change that. We have to change the message we send to children in New York City by fixing every broken window in every school - not just some.
Last year, my colleagues and I agreed on a capital plan with the administration that would finally allow us to build the new schools our children need and fix the ones that fell into disrepair long ago.
But four weeks ago, the Mayor cut that plan in half - taking out $1.3 billion and throwing into jeopardy many of the projects we need to improve our children's education.
This cut is going to cost us a lot more than just dollars and cents. This cut means that 117,000 children in our city won't get their bathrooms repaired, that 46,000 children won't get new science labs, and that 130,000 children will be forced to go without the security upgrades their schools need to keep them safe.
We know the right choice is to face this crisis now, and fix these schools before we lose another generation of children.
The Mayor refers to these cuts and cancellations as mere "delays." He says they'll get the money "eventually." But make no mistake about it - education delayed is education denied.
Dr. Martin Luther King talked about how the word "wait" almost always means "never."
Well, the time for waiting has passed. The time for action is now - and no elected official can stand up in front of the people and say that education is your number one priority unless you are willing to make it your number one priority.
Let me be clear: I will not pass a budget that includes these cuts.
We started our work together on this Council by putting education first, and we should end it by putting education first. So we will not pass a budget that doesn't protect our schools.
We are ready, willing, and able to do whatever's necessary to keep the schools capital plan intact.
Not only will we restore funds to the capital budget, we will make the fundamentals our priority to give our kids the education they need.
First, that means reducing class sizes. We will bring class sizes down by building new schools and better using the facilities we have.
Second, we will attract and retain the best teachers by treating them with respect, providing better teacher training, and, yes, paying quality teachers what they deserve.
Because when you tell every teacher in the city that there is only one way they may hang their bulletin boards, you're driving good teachers out of our schools.
When you hold a stopwatch over every teacher in the city and tell them that they must spend exactly four minutes teaching one subject and then six minutes on the next, you're driving good teachers out of our schools.
When you pay teachers in the city less than their peers in the suburbs, you're driving good teachers out of our schools.
We need to make teaching in New York City an attractive option. We need to give teachers the little things that will make a big difference, like a workspace where they can grade papers, and expanding the Council's successful HIP program to connect parents with teachers.
And while we do what it takes to put a good teacher in every classroom, we will make it easier to remove poor teachers from our schools so that the few who aren't doing their job won't ruin the reputation of the many who are. We'll offer poorly performing teachers help first, but ultimately good teachers don't want to see incompetent people in the classroom next door.
Third, we will make sure that every one of our more than 1,300 schools is safe - not just a handful of troubled schools. This Mayor has announced two separate, zero tolerance policies. And why do we still not have zero tolerance? Because principals have been told that if they suspend too many children, they'll lose their jobs. That's wrong.
Right now principals are given all of the responsibility and none of the authority they need to get the job done. We should work with principals and give them the tools they need to create safe and secure environments for their students and staff. And we should begin by having school safety officers report directly to them, not just to the local police. And those school safety officers need better training and a career track that's meaningful.
Fourth, we will provide children in our city with real after-school opportunities. Right now the administration is proposing an after-school overhaul that under-funds these programs by $16million. We will strengthen after-school programs by making them more effective, but also by providing the real resources they need to succeed.
When it comes to educating our children, we know what works - smaller class sizes, more quality teachers, safer schools and stronger after-school programs.
But we also know that the greatest obstacle standing in our way is the worsening abuse that Washington and Albany inflict on our city every year.
The priorities I've outlined today are the right choices for our city's future. But we will not be able to meet the challenges of the 21st century unless we finally get our Fair Share.
Three years ago when I began our campaign to get New York's Fair Share, the federal and state governments took a combined $20 billion more from the city than they returned to us. Today, according to the Mayor's own Office of Management and Budget, they take more than $24 billion.
Ladies and gentleman, we are going backwards -- by $4 billion.
That's $4 billion more that we don't have now for cops and firefighters. $24 billion that we don't have for teachers, for parks and libraries. For all the things our City must do.
We need the Mayor of New York to refuse to put up with this treatment and provide real leadership. We need the Mayor to take a stand and speak out against the very people who are doing this to our City.
We simply can't afford to let President Bush and Governor Pataki off the hook anymore.
We are shortchanged on anti-terrorism funding and health care funding. We are shortchanged on education funding and transportation funding. Formula after formula robs our city at a time when we can least afford it.
The result is that we are over-taxed and under-served. We are losing businesses and residents to cities that can offer more services and lower taxes.
The children and families of New York deserve better. We demand better. And we will not rest until New York gets its Fair Share.
If we can make the right choices for New York's future, then I know there is nothing we can't accomplish as a city.
We can protect our city from terrorism and crime, provide safe and clean streets and neighborhoods with a good quality of life.
We can fix our transportation system, provide housing, and promote economic growth in every borough.
And we can build the schools our children need for a lifetime of learning and prosperity.
Because in the end, there is simply nothing wrong with New York that can't be fixed by what's right with New York.
My wife and I wouldn't dream of raising our two sons anywhere else.
New York is still a magnet for talented and innovative people. We come from different nations and from different parts of the country. But we all come for the same reason that people have been coming to New York for the last 350 years - to live in the heart of a new world, to build a better life in a city that represents the entire human race.
Every morning of every day of every week, millions of men and women in our city get out of bed, and then work all day long to realize the promise that New York holds out to every citizen of the world - the promise of a better life for all those with enough imagination to see it and the guts to make it happen.
It's their common sense wisdom and priorities that we try to put into practice in this Chamber.
I thank you for the incredible opportunity I've had to lead this Council over the last three years. I couldn't be more proud of the work we've done together. And I know we will, together, continue to make the right choices to build a better future for our great City.
Thank you, and God bless America and God bless New York City.


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Brant Bennett
Brant Bennett (MBA '08)
Brant Bennett earned his MBA from Westminster in 2008 and is now an associate in the Private Wealth Management Division at Goldman Sachs. He currently manages the Global Mutual Fund Operations team which provides 20 hours of coverage daily between Salt Lake City and Bangalore, India. Global consciousness and ethical awareness are keys to his success in the financial service industry. Skills Brant perfected at Westminster such as critical and analytical thinking, team work and leadership are used everyday when analyzing the market, assessing risk, and managing his team.


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4 Pros and Cons of Having a Personal Helper Monkey
Pro: Thumbs
Comstock Images/Comstock/Getty Images
At this point in the article I'm assuming you love monkeys as much as I do, despite their potential for destruction. Have you ever wondered why you love monkeys? What is it about a monkey that makes it a standout beast? Why is a monkey superior to a camel, which is arguably the worst of all animals? Obviously the answer is thumbs. The simple ability to grasp and manipulate objects makes them phenomenal and endlessly hilarious. Here is a short list of objects that it would be hilarious to see a monkey holding, and which it could hold because it has thumbs:
- An old school NES controller
- A dildo
- Small pants
- Photos of Soren Bowie
Picture any of those, and, boom, I just made your day better.
Also noteworthy and, as far as I know, totally unexplored in the realm of crime fiction is the ability to solve crime with a monkey helper. Imagine you and your monkey faced with a mystery, you, the brains and Monkey, the brawn, his little fingers picking up clues for you to investigate and then dialing the police commissioner for you once you've put it all together and realized it was the Widow Jenkins who killed Old Man Bungwaddle because she was after his land! I guess it's kind of like the show Jake and the Fatman if you ever watched that, only you're the Fatman and you should probably name your monkey Jake.
Con: Thumbs
Comstock Images/Comstock/Getty Images
"What is light without dark?" a wise man once said in a Tom Cruise movie about unicorns, and it's as true for midgets in costumes as it is for monkey thumbs. For all the awesome things a monkey can manipulate with its hands, it can do a lot of damage. Now, for the most part, you're expecting these monkeys to be well trained, but, come on, I'm pretty well trained and I light the stove on fire once in a while. Even the best monkey is apt to cause a mishap now and then -- you ask for salt, he gives you rat poison. You want a bologna sandwich, he gives you rat poison. You need your face washed, he throws a steak knife dipped in rat poison at the mailman. He's only human. Only he's not. He's subhuman. Little Dickens.
Pro: Totally Helpful
Jupiterimages/Photos.com/Getty Images
The basic point of a helper monkey is to actually be helpful. The tasks monkeys are trained to perform include opening and closing drawers, the fridge, and so on. They can turn lights and appliances on and off. They can dial phones. They can cook and feed you and clean up afterwards. But shit gets a little more diverse than all of that. A woman in Missouri had a helper monkey to deal with anxiety that would give her hugs when she got upset and would sit in her lap when she drove a car and give her hair a yank if she started to zone out on the highway, which is one part awesome and a solid five parts terrifying for everyone else on the road.
The benefit to a monkey that drives with you is pretty extensive and includes access to carpool lanes, someone to pick cool songs and someone to hold your fries so you don't need that lame ass fry holder I made fun of. Plus look at this picture:
Oh my God is that fantastic. He has a work vest and everything.
Con: Utter Bullshit
George Marks/Retrofile/Getty Images
Let's stay with that lady and her anxiety monkey, because it turns out she was kind of full of shit. Or at least the law says she is. Turns out Debby Rose there got into some trouble after Wal Mart, Cracker Barrel and some other businesses refused to let her in with her monkey. She went to court and sued, and the judge dropped the monkey hammer down hard on her by pointing out that at no time has it ever been made clear her monkey is really a helper monkey and she wasn't diagnosed with any condition until after having the monkey. That basically means this lady got a monkey and decided later on it could really help out with some problems and called it a helper monkey, which is kind of like taking morphine recreationally and then hurting yourself and prescribing more because it seems to be working. I think it's like that anyway. Sounds like an OK metaphor. I tried to get a monkey to work on it with me, but the zoos around here suck.
The key point to understand in this case is that, if you want to have a helper monkey, you actually need to have a helper monkey, and that severely limits most of us because I'm happy to keep the use of most of my body parts and have no monkeys, rather than the alternative. Making up illnesses so you can drive around with a monkey when it's been pretty well documented you live your life just fine without a monkey just makes you some kind of monkey whore. No one likes a monkey whore.


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on October 27, 2012 - 11:27 PM
Philip Rumore has played chicken with local school officials – and won.
He has played chicken with the state education commissioner – and won.
Now the head of the Buffalo Teachers Federation is playing chicken again. But this time, he's up against someone likely to be a much tougher opponent - and one who has earned a reputation for getting his way when it comes to education: Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo.
The point of contention continues to be the state-mandated system for evaluating teacher effectiveness and prescribing remedies for struggling teachers, with more than $33 million in state funds at stake.
During the last school year, then-Interim Superintendent Amber M. Dixon threatened dozens of midyear layoffs if Rumore wouldn't sign an evaluation plan by a certain date. That didn't happen.
State Education Commissioner John B. King Jr. threatened to revoke more than $5 million in grant funds if Rumore didn't sign by a certain date. That happened – but only for a while. Rumore signed a plan several months after the due date, and King reinstated the money.
The deadlines set by local officials and by King seem to have turned out to be suggestions rather than actual deadlines.
But Cuomo says his deadline is firm.
He has given every district in New York until Jan. 17, 2013, to not only submit an approvable plan to the state Education Department, but have it approved.
"The governor included a strong mechanism to ensure that school districts implement teacher evaluations," said Cuomo spokesman Matt Wing, "because districts have not adopted past teacher evaluation systems and because creating accountability in the classroom through evaluations is critical to improve teaching and learning."
The leaders of several statewide education groups begged off on speculating over whether Cuomo will offer any flexibility on the deadline, but many noted that the deadline is written into state law.
Cuomo's record on education issues thus far suggests he is going to hold a hard line, even where the state Education Department has not:
• He pushed through a property tax cap that forces districts to contain their spending increases – or gamble on voter support – despite districts' complaints that most cost increases are beyond their control.
• In his first year in office, Cuomo set in motion major cuts in state aid, telling schools it was time to dip into their rainy day funds to cover shortfalls.
• And this year, he convinced the New York State United Teachers union to back his teacher evaluation bill, which has caused a great outcry among classroom teachers, many of whom say the way the plan counts student performance toward their ratings is unfair.
In Buffalo, Rumore last year grudgingly agreed to work out an evaluation agreement with the district, but it applied to only some teachers, and it expired at the end of the last school year.
The sticking point for working out an evaluation plan for this school year, Rumore says, is the fact that district officials are continuing to press a court battle over the involuntary transfer of 53 teachers this school year from three low-performing schools. An arbitrator ruled the transfers violated the contract, and a State Supreme Court justice upheld the ruling. The district is appealing the case.
The union's Council of Delegates voted in September to suspend negotiations on the evaluation plan until the district drops its court fight.
"How can we sit down at the table with any kind of trust if there's an open arbitration that they've violated the contract?" Rumore said. "They know we are willing to go back to the table when they are willing to abide by the arbitrator's decision. We'll be back at the table the next day."
The governor earlier in the year told school districts that if they didn't have an approved teacher evaluation plan in place by Jan. 17, 2013, they would forfeit this year's increase in state aid.
For Buffalo, that translates into $33.4 million. Superintendent Pamela C. Brown says that would result in a crippling number of layoffs, when added to an additional $25 million the district stands to lose in several other sources of aid that are also contingent upon having a teacher evaluation plan.
"This would be devastating," Brown said.
Buffalo submitted a plan to the state in July, but state Education Department officials rejected it. The main sticking point: The plan awards extra points to teachers who have a lot of students who are chronically absent, disabled, or are not native English speakers. Some teachers would get so many extra points that they could never be rated ineffective.
"I'm relatively sure it wouldn't take us long to come to agreement with the district on how to solve it," Rumore said. "We've got time. It's not even November. We have until Jan. 17. It shouldn't take us very long. They could stop this right away by saying, 'Let's see if we can work something out on the three schools.' "
School districts were supposed to have their evaluation plans submitted to the state Education Department by July 1, although there was some leeway given in cases where outstanding issues still had to be negotiated.
The governor set the absolute deadline for having an approved plan at Jan. 17, but the actual deadline by which districts have to submit their final plan is somewhat unclear. The state Education Department has advised districts that it needs four to six weeks to review each plan, but has not given a firm cutoff.
So far, nearly 500 of the almost 700 districts in New York State have submitted evaluation plans.
"We know dozens if not hundreds of others are negotiating seriously and are close to agreeing on plans," said Carl Korn, a NYSUT spokesman. "We are confident that by January, all of the districts will have their teacher principal evaluation plans in place."
But Korn acknowledged that NYSUT has a list of about three dozen districts where negotiations are going slowly or have stalled.
"It's complex, difficult work. It's more important to get it done right than just to get it done," he said.
Schools have been required by state law for more than two years to have a teacher evaluation plan in place that incorporates student achievement as part of teacher ratings.
But this is the first time that schools will suffer a consequence if they do not have such a plan in place.
The state law that Cuomo championed requires each district to adopt a teacher evaluation plan – but it's up to each district to negotiate the details of the plan with its union.
Buffalo School Board members say they have been put in an unwinnable situation – the state is requiring them to do something that requires the union's approval. But the board has repeatedly been unable to persuade Rumore to comply with various reforms required by the state and federal governments.
"The governor and legislators are saying we have this problem, but as far as I see it, they are not coming to our aid," said Sharon Belton-Cottman, who represents the Ferry District on the School Board.
Florence Johnson, who has served on the board for two decades, says she is more frustrated than she's ever been. She says it's time to hire outside legal counsel to investigate what options the district might have.
"The children are being held hostage because the board is bound to adhere to federal and state law," she said. "I'm tired of playing tiddlywinks. Tell me what to do. If I have to, I will file [a lawsuit] on my own."
Until now, local and state officials alike have acknowledged that there is no way they can compel Rumore to meet deadlines or abide by federal or state regulations.
Clearly exasperated, they have tried a number of approaches.
They have asked nicely. They have threatened. They have pleaded.
Most recently, the superintendent took her case to the court of public opinion, in the hopes of bringing public pressure to bear on the union. Brown sounded the alarms, noting that $58.7 million hangs in the balance.
"This is a call to action and a hope that we can get back to the table with our mutual aim to make sure we are providing a quality to all our children," she told the School Board last week.
She is hardly the first public official to try that tactic.
King has repeatedly called for a large-scale campaign to urge the union into compliance, at one point suggesting that people should be occupying their schools in protest, not camping out in tents on Niagara Square.
"Unless there's public outrage and a public demand for change in the schools, not just from people in the Buffalo Public Schools, but from the public at large, saying, 'We're not happy with the school system,' the schools will continue to fail students," King said.
email: email@example.com


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Encounter the magic of nature with rare creatures, authentic adventures and world-class entertainment at Disney's Animal Kingdom park, one of the largest animal theme parks in the world. Home to more than 2,000 animals across 300 species, the park celebrates the beauty, mystery and harmony of all living things. Explore 6 enthralling lands, each one alive with magic like nowhere else: Oasis, Discovery Island, Africa, Rafiki's Planet Watch, Asia and DinoLand, U.S.A. areas.
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Bushnell - 2x28mm Equinox Gen 1 Night Vision Monocular
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Achieve perfect skin tone with this natural tint concealer. Conceal flaws while perfecting skin tone with this 2-in-1 problem solver. This natural-tinted formula lifts, hydrates and depuffs while minimizing dark circles to restore a youthful look.
This multifaceted age-fighting essential visibly lifts, hydrates, and de-puffs around the eyes while minimizing dark circles to restore a youthful look. Achieve even skin texture and tone while reducing the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. This formula instantly minimizes the look of dark circles while stimulating micro-circulation for long-term dark-circle relief. High concentrations of antioxidants, hydrators, botanicals, fruit extracts, minerals, vitamins, and amino acids ensure optimal effectiveness.
What it is formulated WITHOUT:
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It's not makeup, it's Murad! This eye treatment from the scientific skin care experts at Murad combines the effects of makeup to lighten and brighten your eyes along with the skin care benefits of an eye cream to restore, repair and perfect the skin around your sensitive eye region. A neutral color formula instantly brightens the eye area and minimizes the look of dark circles under the eyes. Eye Lift Perfector is proven to increase skin firmness by fifty percent in just fifteen minutes. The convenient pen-like design makes this eye treatment product incredibly simple to use as well. Voted product of the year by Good Housekeeping magazine, if you're looking to have younger, brighter looking eyes, you're looking for Murad's Hybrid Eye Lift Perfector. Your eyes never had it so good – or so simple to use.
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Additional Information
|Product Model
|.06 oz


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January 2, 2008
It's Cold Here
16 comments:
I can't wait to see the "before" and "after" photos! :)ReplyDelete
I liked what I saw on Sunday, but anticipate your new DO!ReplyDelete
Of course we're all dying to see the new 'do!ReplyDelete
I'm way past due for a new something or other. I've been pulling this too long hair around for too long. I'm itching to chop but Hubz swears its just a preg thing & will pass. ggrrrr..... chop chop chop!
I have a much needed cut tomorrow! I have noticed the permed look coming back around here - enjoy your time away!ReplyDelete
ok, we'll stick around curiously until we find a picture :).ReplyDelete
It is freezing here too burrr! Have fun at your hair appt. if you really need some more time to your self get a color and perm perms take at least 2 hours LOL. Can't wait to see the new do!ReplyDelete
Yikes, that is frigid! Be careful going out in that cold. And definitely post pictures of the new 'do!ReplyDelete
Jane, Pinks & Blues
I really liked your last cut. I have decided to skip the bangs trend. And the perm trend. I like the angled bob, though.ReplyDelete
We're staying cozy in our house today too, until I go out with the girls later tonight! :) Can't wait to see the pictures!ReplyDelete
It must be the new year, new do thing. I'm getting a cut and color soon too. Can't wait to see what you decide to do! I know one thing, I need to cover this gray. Stay warm. I'm in your neck of the woods today (Valpo), and it is cold!ReplyDelete
You look good in any style, but my all time favorite is the short bob with bangs....I don't know about a perm...ReplyDelete
It's a blamy 5 degrees here. Can't wait to see your hair. I was thinking of doing Katie Holmes' new do, the bob with moddish bangs. And perms coming back? Are you serious?ReplyDelete
It's 19 here today. 4 is worse. Good luck at your hair appointment. I dont do perms anymore....ReplyDelete
I love getting my hair done. I find it so relaxing!ReplyDelete
Have fun!
Your hair is adorable! It was that cold here too. Only just a dusting of snow. Ick.ReplyDelete
It's cold everywhere! On our drive home we didn't even get to 30degrees until we reached southern Georgia! It was 47 when we rolled into Tampa. Brrrr.ReplyDelete