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5 Ways You Don't Realize Movies Are Controlling Your Brain
So there was a mass shooting during a Batman movie and, goddamn it, it turned out the killer owned a Batman mask and called himself "The Joker." By now, several talking heads have come to the conclusion that the movie somehow triggered the massacre, or whatever. You know the game at this point -- sadly, we've seen this whole cycle play out more than once.
As always, this knee-jerk reaction by old, scared talking heads will predictably result in most of our audience scoffing and saying that movies can't influence people to do anything, because movies are make-believe and every non-crazy member of the audience knows how to separate fact from fiction.
Well, the thing is ... that is equally wrong. But not for the reason the talking heads think.
#5. No, You Can't Separate Fact from Fiction
You've seen Braveheart, right? You know that's based on a historical event -- the movie makes it clear that Mel Gibson's character, William Wallace, was a real guy who really lived in Scotland back in the horse and castle days. You also know that Hollywood spiced things up for the movie -- the real Wallace probably never assassinated a dude and then jumped his horse off a balcony in slow motion.
So if you don't mind, just quickly tell me which parts were fiction. Without looking it up.
Probably the part where more than the six people directly in front of him could hear what he was saying during that speech.
Like the evil king they were fighting -- was he a real historical figure, too? What about Wallace's palooka friend, Hamish? Or the crazy Irish sidekick? Were those real guys? That part where Mel Gibson's main ally (Robert the Bruce) betrayed him and sided with the English in that big battle (aka the turning point of the entire story)-- did that really happen? What about the bit at the end, where Wallace has sex with that princess, revealing that the future king of England would actually be Mel Gibson's son? That's the most historically important thing in the whole film, surely that was true, right?
You don't know, do you? But who cares, right? It's not like that impacts your life at all. It's just historical trivia. OK, now consider this: After Jaws hit theaters, we nearly drove sharks to extinction with feverish hunting, to the point that their populations may never recover.
"Fetch my spear gun. These bastards will pay for what they did to Quint!"
Every single person who saw that movie knew that it was fiction, and that those characters were just actors. They probably knew that, in real life, there isn't a shark big enough to eat your boat. But, when the genius scientist character in the movie agreed that killing the shark was the only way to prevent dead tourists, we assumed that part was true. The same as we assumed you could really blow up an oxygen tank by shooting it.
So, we killed all the sharks, based on what the make-believe movie told us.
Ah, but that's one oddball isolated incident. Hey, did you know that after Top Gun, Navy aviator recruitment skyrocketed by as much as 500 fucking percent? Or that the number of kids taking martial arts classes exploded after The Karate Kid? Or that the popularity of the CSI TV shows has resulted in a glut of students going into forensic sciences? Or that I could cite examples of this until you hit your monthly bandwidth cap? How many of you left Fight Club thinking you knew how to make napalm? Which of us haven't forced a baby to do that wanking motion after watching The Hangover?
"Dude, it's not funny. You made him do the Nazi salute so much, he does it on his own now. Not cool."
I know what some of you are already saying: "So, what, because some gullible people do what movies tell them, that means a Batman movie made that guy shoot up the theater? So I suppose watching Bridesmaids made us all start shitting in sinks."
No. You're intentionally reaching for examples where it doesn't happen, and ignoring all of the ones where it does -- even if some movie straight up told you to become a mass murderer, it'd be working against a lifetime of society pounding the opposite message into your brain. The point of this article isn't to pin violence on movies. The point is that it's much bigger than that. Because ...
#4. Stories Were Invented to Control You
This isn't some paranoid conspiracy theory -- it's a fundamental part of how human culture came about. Ask yourself: Why do we go watch superhero movies? After all, variations of these stories about brave, superhuman heroes predate recorded history. We used to tell them around campfires before written language even existed.
They were created as a way to teach you how to behave.
Thousands of years ago, when your ancestors were living in tribes and hunting gazelles for food, nobody knew how to read. Even if they could, paper wasn't a thing, parchment was rare and precious. They had no written historical records, they had no educational system that could devote years to teaching history to the kids.
This was a problem. Once humans started forming civilizations, the guys in charge didn't just need the next generation of children to know how to fish and hunt, they needed citizens who would fall in line and fight for the tribe. That meant the kids needed to understand the big picture: why preserving the tribe is important, why we hate the tribe across the river, why our tribe is better than that tribe, why it's important to go off and fight in the next war no matter how scared you are.
"Why don't we all just pick fruit and have sex together? Oh, they worship a baby-eating rape-demon? Well that changes everything."
Now, to do this, they could either A) bore the kids to death with a years-long recounting of the history of the tribe, which nobody has probably written down anyway or B) tell them a cool story. They could tell the thrilling tale of Kolgor the Valiant who, when the evil neighboring tribe came to slay all of the women and children, stood alone and fought bravely through the night, with four arrows in his chest, until the enemy retreated in terror. You want to be like Kolgor, don't you, little one? Otherwise, he will have died in vain.
Clearly "B" is the one that is going to stick in the kid's brain. It doesn't matter that the story is either fiction or grossly exaggerated -- it gets the job done, it makes the kid conform to be the kind of citizen the tribe needs him to be. This isn't necessarily a bad thing -- your tribe may very well be better than the one across the river, your real history is probably full of real heroes whose sacrifices were just as important as, if less romantic than, Kolgor the Valiant's. The tribe didn't go with the fictional version because they were liars, they went with it because it was the only way for the "truth" to survive.
So while we use the word "myth" these days to mean "a lie that needs to be debunked," often the myths were simply more efficient versions of the truth. They're easier to remember, they don't take as long to tell and they eliminate a lot of the messy ambiguities that can confuse the point. Also, they won't bore the listener to tears.
"Hey, instead of history notes, I wrote down 716 words that mean 'dick'."
The point is, this is why stories were invented -- to shape your brain in a certain way. A guy named Joseph Campbell wrote whole books about it, you should read them. These basic stories, these myths of the hero overcoming the odds, the great man who sacrifices himself for the greater good -- they're what make civilization go. In a society, the people and the buildings and the roads are the hardware, mythology is the software.
And while your ancestors had their heroes that they heard about around the campfire, you have Batman, and Luke Skywalker, and Harry Potter. And yes, the movies you watched this summer serve the same purpose as those ancient myths. Sometimes this is super obvious (clearly Rocky IV and The Day After Tomorrow are trying to cram a message into your brain with the subtlety of a sweatpants erection). But what's the message behind James Bond? Or Iron Man?
"There isn't one!"
That literally isn't possible.
That's like saying this sculpture is nothing more than men hugging the thighs of another man, their thumbs gently grazing his testicles.
You see ...
#3. The Writer of a Story Always Has an Agenda
Quiz Time: What do these hugely popular hero characters all have in common?
Luke Skywalker
Frodo from The Lord of the Rings
Harry Potter
Finn from Adventure Time
Got it yet? They're all orphans.
And that's why all orphans wear capes.
That's kind of weird, right? Do you think that's a random choice? Do you think the writer just flipped a coin? Or do you think there's an emotional button that is being pushed there, the writer reaching around the logical part of your brain and triggering something inside you without you knowing it?
That sounds devious, but those little subconscious tricks are Fiction Writing 101 (we covered a bunch of them here). It's a scary power to entrust someone with, if you think about it. Especially if you, as the audience, don't pay close attention to what they're doing. You leave the theater a different person than you were when you came in. It's a difference in millimeters, sure, but you're going to watch a thousand hours of the stuff in the course of a year. It builds up.
"I think it's high time I punched a robot and stared at some titties."
"What, so you're trying to tell me there's some hidden agenda behind the Transformers movies? It's freaking robots punching each other!"
No, there is no intentional hidden agenda (well, maybe a little), but there is certainly a set of assumptions that the filmmakers are passing on to you. In the case of Transformers, the assumption is that combat is beautiful and exciting, that military hardware is sexy, that destruction is gorgeous and fun and completely free of consequence. And, most importantly, that the solution to all conflict is to be more masculine, powerful, aggressive, confident and destructive than the bad guys.
"But the people already think that! These movies are just giving us what we want!"
Business Stomp ... Rated R.
Right, but why do you want that? You think you came out of the womb thinking that military hardware was cool? If you grew up in a real war zone, and didn't have movies and TV, would you have the same opinion?
I'm not saying Michael Bay is a secret tool of the military industrial complex trying to brainwash you into supporting the next war, no more than the makers of Jaws were trying to wipe out the sharks -- they were just trying to make a scary movie, and Michael Bay is just a dude who likes explosions. It doesn't matter why the message is there -- it soaks into your brain either way. This is what everyone misses when debating this stuff -- one side says, "Hollywood is trying to brainwash you!" and the other side says, "Michael Bay isn't smart enough to brainwash an armadillo!" and they're both missing the point.
This is why, when some people point out how racist the Lord of the Rings stories are (i.e., orcs are evil by virtue of being born orcs, dwarfs are greedy because they are dwarfs, Aragorn is heroic due to his "blood"), it's both correct and unfair. It's correct because, yes, that is the way Tolkien's universe is set up -- nobody in the stories hesitates to make sweeping generalizations about a race, and they're always proven right when they do. Frodo's magical sword didn't glow in the presence of enemies, it glowed in the presence of a certain race (orcs). Go write a movie about a hero with a gun that glows in the presence of Arabs. See what happens.
"Seriously, Sting? That's profiling. And I won't allow my cutlery to take part in it."
But it's also unfair, because Tolkien clearly didn't sit down and think, "I'm going to increase the net weight of racism in the world in order to firmly establish white dominance! And I'll do it with elves!" He was just writing what he knew. Of course a guy born in 1892 assumed that Nordic races were evolved and graceful, that certain other races were born savages and that midgets love axes. Hell, he could have been the least racist person he knew, and he'd still be the equivalent of a Klansman today. Whether or not the agenda was intentional is utterly irrelevant.
I can't emphasize this enough -- there is no conspiracy. Yeah, you'll occasionally have a movie like Act of Valor that is transparently intended to boost military recruitment, but 99 percent of the time, the movie's "agenda" is nothing more than a lot of creative people passing along their own psychological hang-ups, prejudices, superstitions, ignorance and fetishes, either intentionally or unintentionally. But they are still passed on to you, because that's what stories are designed to do. Michael Bay feels a certain way about women, and about the role of women in the world, and you will leave his movie agreeing with him just a little bit more than when you came in.
"Dude! There was a homeless family of four living in there!"
Knowing that, it's even scarier to consider that ...


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The R&B star, who signed the troubled teen idol when he was just 13, knows what it's like to grow up in the spotlight and tells Nylon Guys that he's tried to help the Canadian singer navigate his way through it all.
"I gave every bit of advice and always told him it was up to him if he really wanted this. Now that he has it, as an adult, it's his to manage," The Voice coach says in a cover story in the June/July issue. "Do I turn my head in shame based off of what I see, what I know? Nah, I don't because it's all part of life's process. Am I in it with him? Yeah."
Usher, who moved to N.Y.C. at the age of 15 to work with Sean "Diddy" Combs, says that mentoring young artists is important to him. "Artistic development made me who I am," he says. "Somebody took the time to help me find what it is that works for me as an entertainer and who I am as a music maker."
But while he's helped to guide the 20-year-old to record sales in excess of 12 million, he's been less successful keeping the singer and dancer out of trouble when he's not on stage.
Courtesy NYLON Guys
"It's unfortunate," Usher, 35, says of the laundry list of incidents. "I hate some of the things I hear. Is it all true? I don't know. But I will tell you this: Success comes with a price. Every person that has grown up, grows up with something. It ain't just perfect from the beginning."
The singer, who won the most recent season of The Voice with his contestant Josh Kaufman, also discusses his upcoming role in the Sugar Ray Leonard biopic Hands of Stone and talks about his fans' reaction to his musical output.
"In all honesty, I give one s–––. I do hear them – that's why I say one s–––. I do give a s–––, but not two s–––. Two s–––is a lot. I care enough to make sure they understand that I'm making it for them, but I've got to be true to where I am."

subset: commoncrawl


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A Community of Exceptional Nurses
Accurate completion of your Volunteer Profile is vital to ensuring that you are considered for the opportunities you are qualified for and interested in. The information you provide will populate our Volunteer Database — the tool we use to select potential volunteers for any given opportunity.
The questions in this profile are designed to give you the chance to let us know what kind of volunteer opportunities suit you best. If there are questions that you do not believe apply to you, do not feel that you must answer them.
AACN utilizes volunteers of every education level, role and level of experience. There are no right or wrong answers and no penalties for not answering specific questions.
Access the Types of Volunteer Groups page for information on the types and definitions of groups we most commonly use.
The first question in the Volunteer Interest section is particularly important to ensuring that you are called for the types of groups you are interested in.
Listed below are some of our recurring volunteer opportunities and the fields you should mark to indicate your interest in that group:
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In addition to selecting the Certification related interests, be sure your credentials are up to date in our system. You can update your credentials by logging into the My Account page of the website.
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It's a baby boy for Glee actress Heather Morris, Us Weekly reports.
Elijah was born on Saturday, according to the magazine. It's the first child for Morris, 26, and her longtime boyfriend Taylor Hubbell.
Which celebs are expecting?
"I want to marry Taylor and have kids with him," Morris told Fitnessmagazine back in 2011. "I love acting, but if it affects my relationship, then I won't continue."
Morris is not planning to return to the Fox series for its fifth season.
View original Glee's Heather Morris Gives Birth to Baby Boy at TVGuide.com
Other Links From TVGuide.com
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Top Definition
The most common occurance of shomitting usually happens after or during a heavy night of drinking. The excess alcohol causes the victim to power spew. As the abdominal muscles contract in an effort to expell all your stomach contents out your mouth, unfortunately this abdominal contraction also encourages any poop chambered in your chute to also be expelled at the same time....
Can also occur if you get food poisoning and suffer from IBS.
Can also occur if you get food poisoning and suffer from IBS.
Jenny: I need to spew
John: I'll hold your hair back
Jenny: Aaaaaarrghhhhh
John: Holey shit, did you just shomit....that's disgusting.
John: I'll hold your hair back
Jenny: Aaaaaarrghhhhh
John: Holey shit, did you just shomit....that's disgusting.
Por Lenbot 12 de febrero de 2010
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
To throw up while shitting on the toilet or anywhere else.
"Hey uh Bill, I just took a shomit in your pillow case" exclaimed James.
Por PJ 26 de julio de 2003
To shit and vomit at the same time
After eating Chinese and two Cokes at the Klimax Klub, I had the sudden urge to shomit all over the place.
Por Jean-Claude van Damme 18 de agosto de 2006
The definition of the word Shomits is taking a shit and vomiting at the same time.
He woke up 7:30 am Sunday morning after drinking a lot Saturday night. He started to take a shit and in the middle had to vomit, immediately following he continued shitting. Now that is what I call a serious case of the Shomits.
Por Mackinaw 10 de junio de 2013
The act of vomiting up feces after consuming it.
I just watched my dog shomit all over my new rug.
Por Ray Ray's teacher 23 de febrero de 2012
To shit and vomit at the same time, often as an expression of extreme disgust
That song was so bad i shomited
Por sir psycho 11 de enero de 2005
v. to purge oneself of personal intimate information as normal conversation to disinterested strangers, acquaintances or colleagues.
Jeri totally shomited about her drug addict alcoholic son during the entire tea break today.
Por Maria Espia 17 de marzo de 2008


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on March 27, 2013 - 1:00 AM
, updated March 27, 2013 at 6:43 AM
The recent state historic designation for Hamlin Park is a magnificent achievement for a community well deserving of the accolades and benefits that go along with the status. National historic designation ought to be the natural next step.
As recently reported, Buffalo's 14208 ZIP code has been deemed a state historic district. Backers believe it is also well on its way to becoming the East Side's first national registered historic district.
Hamlin Park, with its 2,800 East Side residents, should get the titles and the tax credits that go along with it. With the state designation, homeowners are able to receive 20 percent tax credits from the state on eligible renovation projects. It's an incentive with real value to a neighborhood and one that has been enjoyed by residents of Allentown and recently Elmwood.
Should properties in Hamlin Park receive national register designation, commercial businesses, including both businesses and rental properties, would be eligible for a 20 percent tax credit from the state, as well as another 20 percent federal tax credit.
Once again, the potential for economic development from homeowners putting people to work and neighborhood revitalization is phenomenal. The excitement once neighbors realize the potential is often inspiring. Watching workers busy preserving the history of these buildings is heartwarming.
And it will be so especially in historic Hamlin Park.
Bounded by Humboldt Parkway, Jefferson Avenue, and East Ferry and Main streets, Buffalo's mostly African-American neighborhood saw a "golden period" of black middle-class community in the 1960s and 1970s. It is today a well-respected and well-thought-of neighborhood.
Kudos must be given to those who, with dogged determination, pursued the historic designation.
About two years ago, the Hamlin Park group partnered with Preservation Studios and the Preservation League of New York State with the help of Preservation Buffalo Niagara. Individual ownership of the project and about $10,000 in grants from the state's Preservation League and the City of Buffalo to help hire some administrative staff moved the process.
The potential for the designation had long been talked about but it took a lot of work by a lot of good people to get there.
Congratulations are also due to five other sites in Western New York added to the state register of historic places: Buffalo's E.M. Hager & Sons Co. Planing Mill, 141 Elm St.; the Buffalo Zoo Entrance Court; the Meldrum-Edwards Building, Pearl Street; the Town of Tonawanda Municipal Building in Kenmore; and the Herschell-Spillman Motor Co. Complex in North Tonawanda.


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A quarter hour is equal to two-thirds of a semester hour, so one quarter hour transfers as 0.67 credit hours. Students transferring from institutions using the quarter system do not lose credit, because semesters are longer than quarters.
To be accepted as meeting Westminster College requirements, courses must not only have equivalent academic content, they must also equal at least two-thirds of the Westminster required hours, e.g., a language class must be 2.68 credit hours or more.


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Windows Azure: Architecting & Managing Cloud Services
- Posted: Oct 29, 2008 at 9:33AM
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Excellent part is that Cloud services platform is architected to enable a pay-for-use dynamic model.
I really agree with that.
Wow, now that thing looks cool
Man and Van in London
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Kavanaugh and Velez Honored by MAC
CLEVELAND, Ohio - Freshman Lexi Kavanaugh and red-shirt sophomore Bianca Velez were honored by the Mid-American Conference in its postseason awards lists Thursday afternoon. Kavanaugh earned MAC Rookie of the Year and a nod to the Second Team while Velez was named to the All-MAC Second Team.
Since the start of the award in 1987, Ball State has had four Rookies of the Year besides Kavanaugh. The last Cardinal to earn the distinction was Linsday Quay in 2003.
The Sherrill, N.Y., native saw time in all 18 games earning 15 starts. She led the team in goals with seven and points with 14. Kavanaugh recorded her first collegiate goal in the season opener at James Madison on Sept. 1. She scored her first game-winning goal at Lindenwood on Sept. 21 before netting a career-high two goals at Saint Louis on Sept. 22.
Velez started all 18 games for Ball State and was named the MAC Offensive Player of the Week Sept. 30 after scoring three goals and earning an assist in wins over Vermont, 3-0, and UC Davis, 3-2. The Virginia Beach, Va., native led the team in defensive saves with eight. She tallied two defensive saves vs. Ohio (Oct. 26) and vs. Northwestern (Sept. 10).
For more news and information on Ball State Field Hockey check ballstatesports.com.


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25 movie sequels nobody asked for
POSTED: 09:51 PM PST Feb 16, 2012 UPDATED: 10:47 PM PST Feb 15, 2016
With "Zoolander 2" flopping at the box office this weekend, take a look at 25 other movie sequels nobody asked for.
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Gynecologic Services
The experts at MD Anderson in Sugar Land are dedicated to diagnosing, treating and preventing every type and stage of cancer of women's reproductive organs. Our goal is to deliver the most-advanced therapies while focusing on your quality of life.
The diseases we treat include:
- Ovarian cancer
- Cervical cancer
- Uterine (endometrial) cancer
- Vulvar cancer
- Vaginal cancer
- Fallopian tube cancer
- Gynecologic sarcomas
- Gestational trophoblastic disease, a type of cancer that develops in the uterus
- Pre-invasive diseases of the lower genital tract
In addition, we provide:
- Evaluation of pelvic masses
- Ovarian and endometrial screening for high-risk patients
- Care for HPV (human papillomavirus) infections
- Cytoreductive surgery
We offer several specialized programs focused on preventing gynecological cancers and helping women at high risk:
- Clinical Cancer Genetics
- High Risk Ovarian Cancer Screening
- Gynecologic Cancer Genetics
If you have been diagnosed with a gynecological cancer, we're here to help.
Call 713-745-9940 to make an appointment or request an appointment online.
Why Choose MD Anderson in Sugar Land?
- Innovative treatments for gynecologic cancers including minimally invasive and fertility-sparing surgeries
- Pioneering gynecologic cancer advancements, including tumor marker CA-125
- Dedication to maintaining optimum quality of life
- Specialized care for women at high risk of gynecologic cancers
- High level of experience with all types of gynecologic cancer
- Clinical trials of new treatments, many not available elsewhere
Make an Appointment
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How to Find Us
MD Anderson in Sugar Land is located at 1327 Lake Pointe Parkway, on the campus of CHI St. Luke's Sugar Land Hospital. Free parking is available.


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Using The ColdFusion Query Object As A Complex Object Iterator
Let me preface this by saying this is probably not useful, but kind of sweet anyway. Did you know that you can store complex data inside of a query object? It's true; you can pretty much store any kind of data inside of a ColdFusion query object. To demonstrate that, let's try to use the query object as an iterator of complex data structures. This, in and of itself, could be kind of cool, because the query object has some methods that are nice for iteration.
First, let's build a query from scratch with a single column that houses structures:
-
- <cfset qGirls = QueryNew( "data" ) />
-
- <cfset QueryAddRow( qGirls, 3 ) />
-
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 1 ] = StructNew() />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 1 ].Name ="Thomas, Ashley" />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 1 ].IsSexy = true />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 1 ].HowSexy = "Very" />
-
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 2 ] = StructNew() />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 2 ].Name ="Fisakis, Anne" />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 2 ].IsSexy = true />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 2 ].HowSexy = "Very" />
-
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 3 ] = StructNew() />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 3 ].Name ="Cox, Christina" />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 3 ].IsSexy = true />
- <cfset qGirls[ "data" ][ 3 ].HowSexy = "Very" />
As you see, for each query row, I am setting the value of [data] to a StructNew() and then treating the value as a struct. If you dump this out, you will see that everything is fine and dandy:
Now, let's loop over it and output the data values:
-
- <cfloop query="qGirls">
-
- <cfset objGirl = qGirls.data />
-
- #objGirl.Name#

- #objGirl.IsSexy#

- #objGirl.HowSexy#

-
- <cfif NOT qGirls.IsLast()>
-

- </cfif>
- </cfloop>
Works as you would *hope* it to. Well, that's not 100% true. There are some caveats here. The biggest one is that you CANNOT reference the struct directly as in:
- <cfset strName = qGirls.data.Name />
This throws the error:
Element DATA.NAME is undefined in QGIRLS
That is lame as that is what you would want to do naturally. To overcome this, you have two options: you can either do what I did above, by creating a intermediary "objGirl" structure, then referencing that, or you can use structure notation as in:
- <cfset strName = qGirls[ "data" ][ 1 ].Name />
So that is a not-great caveat, but notice, on the other hand, that we can leverage other great query features like IsFirst() and IsLast(). No more comparing the current index to the array length (or however else you would do this sort of loop). Plus, you can use things like StartRow and EndRow:
-
- <cfloop query="qGirls" startrow="1" endrow="2">
- ....
- </cfloop>
So, like I said, maybe not useful, but a kind of down-and-dirty way to use the query object. Plus, I am sure I am not alone on this, but isn't the query loop much nice to look at than an index loop?
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Reader Comments
Scary timing. I was just yesterday coding up a plugin-management CFC base-class/factory that uses objects inside of queries.
And yeah, cfloop with a query is so much sexier than without.
Yeah, Rick, that's what i'm talking about! Sexy!
Actually Ben your post was extremely helpful to me. I don't know if you use the report builder, but in that you are allowed to pass information from only one query into the report (not including any additional parameters passed in when the report is called). Anyway, before I read your post I had been imbedding subreports within subreports to get an output that was passable, but not great. Now I can pass all kinds of information along in the query by imbedding them in structures. Thanks!
I have to say, I have only studies the report builder, but never actually used it. I am glad that this helps though. I am aware that you can pass queries into reports at run time, but passing a query of structs is wild :) Rock on.
You player, you!
Very helpful, thanks Ben. I'm very much a begginer when it comes to this CF topic so I was wondering whether there be any way to sort how the order the qGirls are looped out - say by name?
How difficult would this be?


text:
SYCAMORE - By a 3-2 vote, the Mohawk Board of Education Monday night voted against renewing Eric Hoover as the varsity volleyball coach.
Board president Roger Luhring and members Todd Price and Doug Walton voted against renewing Hoover as the volleyball coach. Vice President Duane Coldiron and member Beth Margraf voted for keeping him.
Hoover just completed his ninth season, wherein he led the Warriors to their first Midland Athletic League crown and a second straight trip to the regional tournament. In 2011, he took Mohawk to a Final Four berth in the Division III state tournament.
"(I was) completely blindsided. I had no idea (this was coming)," Hoover said. "I don't want to speculate what might be going on in other people's heads. I had not been given a reason so I don't know what to think until someone that makes decisions tells me what they were thinking."
Walton said he voted over concerns with Hoover's performance as a junior high and high school physical education and health teacher.
"For me, my vote was based on some of the situations with his teaching in the past like being late for work and students covering his class," Walton said. "The other board members have different reasons."
Attempts to reach Price and Luhring were unsuccessful.
Hoover's last two teacher performance reviews, which were conducted in September 2011 and February 2012, reflected "meeting expectations" across the board with none of the red flags mentioned by Walton. The last time Hoover received anything other than "meeting expectations" was a decade ago.
Hoover said he hadn't been approached about Walton's concerns.
Superintendent Ken Ratliff said smaller concerns had been brought to Hoover's attention but nothing that warranted something going in his personnel file.
"The principal talked to him about some concerns and he rectified them. That's what we liked," Ratliff said. "I recommended him, without reservation."
Coldiron said the decision was simple for him.
"Well, he has an impeccable record and has the most successful record in the history of Mohawk," Coldiron said. "The kids really like him and support him. He has gained a tremendous amount of respect and has grown the volleyball program."
Evidence of that was the student organized sit-in that happened Tuesday morning.
Ratliff said students' actions reflect what he has heard from the community.
"I anticipated some backlash from community members. They get some say. The board members get elected and they are (the community's) liaison," Ratliff said. "They expect board members to represent their position at times and so I suspect that board members are going to feel some of this pressure to reconsider their position.
"I won't speak for whether they will or not but I will tell you I have thoughtful board members that will listen and be thoughtful and will listen (to what) people have to say."
Calls to Margraf were not returned.
Athletic Director Erik Baker said his coaching evaluation for Hoover this year was all positive.
"I was (surprised by the board decision)," Baker said. "There was nothing I would consider a red flag (in his last coaching evaluation). He puts a tremendous amount of time into his preparation and his evaluation process. He's always been above board in bringing in neutral people to evaluate talent to put the girls in a great position and I didn't see any of that changing."
Baker recommended Hoover for the job again this fall, a decision Mohawk High School Principal Brett Graham and Ratliff both supported.
"We won the league and won the regional and to my knowledge, there was not anything beyond what was going on on the court that would have warranted me not recommending him," Baker said.
Hoover said he's still interested in the job and would take it if offered.
"At the latest, this will be revisited at the next board meeting. I think there's community members who are pressing for a special meeting so this issue can be heard," Ratliff said. "All I've heard (from people so far) is displeasure in the decision. A very common theme has been that 'We want the board to reconsider this and what does it take to have a special meeting?' What I'm doing in the meantime is making the board aware of what people's positions are, also trying to clarify their role in this. I want them to be careful about taking positions that haven't been put forth by the administration because what they might find is we don't have anything to give them to support that position if they do it on their own."
Staff writer Nicole Walby contributed to the story.


text:
Top Definition
A female who has a superior presence on earth. Capeable of doing anything she puts her mind to. Beauty and brains tie with this chick. Amazing creature of the human race.
"dangg that girl is a Randee"
από jfdhgijnfdvjiuf 8 Φεβρουάριος 2008
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
Randee is a guy who is a sexy beast. Randee is also known for their breasts of steel.
Wow that dude must be a Randee
από dafler 22 Ιούλιος 2011


text:
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STEUBENVILLE - National media flooded the city after a group referring to itself as "Anonymous" targeted the case of two Steubenville High School student-athletes charged with raping a 16-year-old girl, and officials on Thursday addressed the unsavory portrayal the area has since received.
"We're getting calls from all over the country from people calling us 'pigs,'" said longtime Jefferson County Sheriff Fred Abdalla. "People in this county know they've got a good sheriff's department."
In his tenure as sheriff, the department has investigated more than 50 murders that resulted in convictions and arrested more than 200 people for committing sex crimes against children, Abdalla said. He contended that in this case, however, some members of the public believe there is a scandal in the sheriff's department.
"People are going to believe what they want to believe," Abdalla said. "They're going to continue to say cover-up. If God could come down from heaven and tell people there's no cover-up, they wouldn't believe it."
Steubenville police Chief William McCafferty said his department has been diligent in its handling of the case since the girl's parents reported the alleged crime at department headquarters in August.
"I know my department did nothing wrong," he said. "If everybody lets the court do its job and wait until they run their mouth, all the details will come out."
Although two 16-year-olds were arrested, some believe additional people were responsible for the alleged rape. As a result, some have speculated that police were guarding the Big Red football team. On Thursday, McCafferty called that notion "utterly stupid."
"That's got to be one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard - that anybody would risk their job to protect a high school football team," he said. "Who would do that?"
City Manager Cathy Davison did not return calls seeking comment Thursday, but she was one of those behind Steubenville Facts - a website launched in response to the rampant rumors surrounding the case. The site is dedicated to disseminating the "real, factual story" about the investigation, it states.
Wells Academy was being praised one year ago for having the best test scores among Ohio public elementary schools. On Tuesday, Wells and all other city schools were placed on lockdown following an online threat of violence over the handling of the case. The district has since increased security at all schools.
"We have 2,450 kids in our school district, so hopefully one incident does not define us," Steubenville City Schools Superintendent Michael McVey said of the national media attention aimed at the high school.
McVey acknowledged that some parents may feel obligated to remove their children from Wells - which is housed in the same building as the high school - or other district schools out of fear of reprisals. The Steubenville Cyber Academy offers K-12 curriculum to any student learning from home, he said.
School administrators will review records today to determine if the threat affected attendance or enrollment. McVey said he will release that information next week.
The Roman Catholic Diocese of Steubenville also commented on the negative publicity the city has received over the case in a statement released Thursday from Bishop Jeffrey M. Monforton, who was appointed in July.
"In recent months, the Steubenville community has attracted local and national interest in a context no community desires," Monforton said. "However unwelcome, we cannot and should not ignore our attention to these events and those involved.
''As we approach the court date for the case of alleged rape, hurt, shame and concern are abundant among all involved. Sides have been taken and emotions are visible for all to see. Our community is in need of justice and healing as best as can be determined by our civil means.
''Silence has proven an ineffective salve to ease the pain and suffering of social or familial wounds," he said. "In these troubling days, self-reflection and prayer can be the most effective catalysts to guide our conduct and to nurture healing.
''As members of the human family, let us place ourselves in God's presence, requesting him to guide all involved in this case and the entire community of Steubenville through his mercy and his healing love. God will not abandon us and only wishes that we remember to turn to him in this and in all difficult times."
Reynard writes for the Intelligencer in Wheeling, W.Va.


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What has happened to NASCAR's other bad boy.................
•Robby Gordon starting off-road stadium series AND: [Wednesday] night media industry, fans and supporters witnessed the first exhibition of Robby Gordon's commitment to taking off-road racing to the next level in 2013 with the introduction of Robby Gordon's Stadium Super Trucks Series. Modeled after the former infamous Mickey Thompson Off-Road Race Series, Stadium Super Trucks (SST) will astonish fans with dynamic side-by- side racing excitement that promises to leave them wanting more. "Stadium racing helped Jimmie Johnson, Casey Mears and myself launch our careers," said Robby Gordon, President of SST. "Bringing off-road racing back to the stadium like Mickey Thompson did has been something that I have wanted to do for a long time, and I am proud to say that we have finally accomplished it. SST offers attractive racing venues, remarkable track designs, substantial purse, and opportunity for network TV a lot like NASCAR because you can visualize the whole track." SST will kick off the season in April 2013 with a minimum 10-race schedule throughout the country and potentially internationally. There will be two events in San Diego and Los Angeles, and the remainder of the calendar will be announced on July 15, 2012. SST will be a 2-day event. Friday's events consist of qualifying to ensure local media coverage for Saturday's events. Action-packed Saturday's will start off with a fan expo and tailgating, side-by-side ATV heats, Bigfoot heats and finals, SST heats and then on to the main event. Trucks will be modeled after automobile manufacturer replicas and the SST trucks will consist of 600 horsepower V-8 engines, with 20 inches of wheel travel while racing on DOT approved tires exactly like the ones you can purchase and drive on the street. Racers will have the opportunity to win a $60,000 purse each weekend and the overall series champion will be awarded a $500,000 dollar prize at the conclusion of the season.(PR)
AND: Gordon, a former off-road champion, put his # 7 Sprint Cup team on hold in March because of a lack of funding. Hoping to fund his racing program through sales of his Speed Energy drink, Gordon has not attempted to qualify for a Cup race since Auto Club Speedway but does plan to compete on the road course at Sonoma in late June (Sporting News)(5-31-2012) Jayski
"Fight for four"..Me
Everything is Possible...If you Believe


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TechEd Australia 2012
- Gold Coast, Queensland
- September 11 - 14, 2012
- Speakers at TechEd Australia 2012
TechEd is Microsoft's ultimate technology geek fest that you can't afford to miss. If you're an IT Professional or a Developer – get ready to experience some of Microsoft's latest and upcoming technologies.
If you're a Developer, then TechEd is the place where you can get ready to create Windows Store apps for modern client devices, powered by Windows Azure.
If you're an IT Professional, you'll find an accelerated path to the skills and certifications you need to deploy, manage and secure a Private Cloud within your organisation.
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Chat Room Love Triangle Turns Deadly
Shocking tale of deception and murder; watch Friday at 9 p.m. on ABC.
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Part 1: Yvonne Stern survived three hits put out by her husband's ex-mistress.
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Full CoverageWEATHER
NC students see texting, driving dangers up closeUPDATED 11:53 AM CST Feb 28, 2013
Students at Western Guilford High School in Greensboro, N.C, get an up-close look at the dangers of texting while driving. County EMS and fire crews took part in the mock drill.
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text:
Top Definition
Is a man with little muscle mass and a very large penis. Ladies love him, and he loves them, but falls in love easliy.
That guys deffinatly a Garen. Hes so cute!
av ghjhhhsa3 7. desember 2008
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
a short form of guarantee, implying an extremity either negative or positive
"That was a garen slack test today" or "man, you garened that guys face"
av poop 3. mars 2004
One whom has extreamly large muscle mass, yet lacks in penis length and girth.
My girlfriend told me her new boyfriend was nice but unfortunately a Garen
av Connie 5. februar 2004


text:
Top Definition
A situation between 2 people where each is waiting for the other's task to finish, so nothing gets done. When you walk down a narrow hallway, and you go to one side so they can get by, then the other person goes to the other side, blocking you again...that is deadlock. Deadlock is also when you go shopping with your mom in a strip mall and you don't say where to meet each other, so you go looking in store A while your mom looks for you in store B, then you get the idea that she's looking in store B, so you go there at the same she decides to look in store A. Named after the computer processing term of the same name.
I always get deadlock when walking down the aisles at the convenience store, they are so narrow.
автор: Braveheart's thirst for blood 3 января 2006
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
To create something sub-par, to make a horrible mistake while denying it and claim it is of great value.
"I don't want to pull a deadlock and turn this into garbage."
"Oh man, the chef totally deadlocked this food, it's terrible."
"Oh man, the chef totally deadlocked this food, it's terrible."
автор: Andrew J Dampier 25 октября 2003


text:
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My fabric designs are created by weaving my paintings and photography on my iMac. Fabric has always been a passion of mine; to be able to design my own fabrics using my art is just AMAZING. All designs are Copyright ©Jean Fogelberg.
© 2008-2015 Spoonflower Inc


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1) 100% new high quality generic (non-OEM) Car Charger for Microsoft Zune, White
2) Power to the music with a car charger adapter that allows using your Zune on the road while charging it from your vehicle's lighter jack.
3) Compact design and retractable coil cord are made for easy storage.
4) Built-in charging circuitry protects your car against back-flow current and your Zune from excessive electrical loads.
5) The charger fits both standard and auxiliary car power outlets.
6) Type: generic/aftermarket
7) Color: White high-impact plastic.
8) LED power indicator.
9) Fits into any 12V accessory outlet or car lighter jack
10) Additional colors available
ShopTemp is a community based online products and store catalog. We provide reseller ratings, price comparison features, discussion and information about video games, consoles and accessories.


text:
Top Definition
A rather large, round, nicely shaped buttocks that is enticing and enjoyable to the touch.
That woman's badonk protruded nicely from her body.
بواسطة Ali Horsted إبريل/نَيْسان 18, 2005
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
An exceptionally large ass that entices black males.
Dang William, that Kelsey sure has a badonk! I'd sure like to jump on that.
بواسطة Brian and Opal نوفمبر/تشرين الثّاني 18, 2004
A very large penis. When the man pulls it out to take a piss it makes a "ba-donk" sound.
Girl: "That guy had a huge ba-donk"
بواسطة Dr. Boobies مارس/آذَار 15, 2009
1. someone who is so lame and does not know what they are doing. a more detailed version of a loser. a name given to people who just gotta stop and prevent themselves from embarrassing what they are doing, hence being called a badonk.
person 1: i think justin bieber loves me...
person 2: wow, just stop you badonk.
p1: im so amazing and pretty.
p2: no you're not. you're just a badonk.
person 2: wow, just stop you badonk.
p1: im so amazing and pretty.
p2: no you're not. you're just a badonk.
بواسطة theunknownofplur إبريل/نَيْسان 23, 2011
Verb. To slap (someone) in the face with your penis.
Dirk was badonked by Derek's emmense manhood.
mmmm... interesting but yet confusing
When you are in hum-drum kinda form and someone is talking and wants you to lay down an opinion on something you just go badonk
بواسطة paul brooks مارس/آذَار 22, 2004
multiple defintions - crosses over to a name for one of your buds, something cool, (badonking is a good conjunction)
Lets go badonk! Get up off the badonkin' couch so we can roll to the store for some badonk
بواسطة Nick مارس/آذَار 26, 2003


text: <>Here is a reason to say CHEERS in Columbus, Ohio...the Columbus Microbrew Festival is held in September. ><>>The capitol city, with a history of brewing beer, is becoming a top city for craft breweries and microbrew start ups. In the 1830's German brew masters came to the area making it well-known for its beer.Today the artisan breweries have caused a resurgence of the craft and created the festival. The event takes place at the North Market. Some of these breweries have been around for years, but new ones are just beginning. Brew masters share a passion for quality and each has a passion and a story about their love for hops, barley and wheat.The craft been seen is hopping right. Here are a few crafters in the city:North High Brewing...brews all of its beer on site and allows travelers to create their own, personalized blends. North High�s expert brewers walk brewers-in-training through the process, helping ensure delicious results. Co-founders Gavin Meyers and Tim Ward cater to both novice and experienced home brewers and beer aficionados. It is here that even the beginner can receive training from on site brew master, Charlie Davis and seasoned brewers can create beers on their own. Guest walk away with a keg of beer they created -- the perfect memento of their Columbus beer experience. North High also offers on-site beer, a few pub snacks, home brewing supplies and special event space for rent. NorthHighBrewing.com <>><> >Rockmill Brewery has a secret to its brew. Brew master Matthew Barbee uses water from a private well located on the 100-year-old horse farm the brewery calls home. Barbee discovered the water running through his land had the mineral content of Walonia Belgium. He knew the property was perfect for brewing Belgian farmhouse-style ales. He has developed a wonderful Saison, Whitbier, Dubbel and Trippel. The resulting beer is gaining rave reviews nationally. Brewery tours and tasting room hours are offered weekends (Fri.-Sun.), noon-8 p.m. or by appointment. RockmillBrewery.com<>><> >Columbus Brewing Company is well-known as a microbrewery and also offers a full-service restaurant. They rotate craft beers, from lagers and India Pale Ales to Scottish blends. If a visitor is unsure which beer to try, that�s not problem...the Columbus Brewing Company Tasting Flight gives a sample of all of its brews. The microbrewery also offers half gallon growlers to take home. ColumbusBrewingCo.com <>>Elevator Brewing Company has won multiple awards for its beers, crafting nine distinct brews year round, plus a special seasonal beer each month. Elevator Brewery and Draught Haus located in a historic building is open daily and has a full restaurant menu with outstanding steaks and all of the Elevator brews. A large off-site brewing factory offers a tap room and tours that highlight local brewing history, the brewing process of the crafted Elevator beer and a complimentary sample at the tour's end. Elevator Tap Room is open Saturdays 11 a.m.-5 p.m. or by appointment. ElevatorBrewing.com <>><> >Barley's Brewing Company was an early pioneer returning to the Columbus brewing scene. It began tapping its own brew more than 20 years ago. Barley�s serves its perfectly hand-crafted, award-winning ale at two locations. Its specialty is crafting unique ales, a process mastered by using ingredients from around the globe, like its Blood Thirst Wheat, which takes its tang from the zest of Sicilian blood oranges. Along with their honored brew, Barley�s serves up a deliciously complementary menu, making it a one-stop destination for anyone looking for great pub food and impressive local beer. BarleysBrewing.com <>><> Read about more breweries in the next post.>


text:
Breakfast7am - 10.30am
Dinner6.30pm - 10.30pm
Main Dining Area82 persons
Private Rooms28 persons
Matthias Tretbar
Indoor108 persons
Outdoor162 persons
Deck96 persons
Bar14 persons
304 rooms consisting of:
248 sqm consisting of
Tepi Laut10 (Banquet)250 (Reception)
Rain Tree Garden20 (Banquet)400 (Reception)
Banyan Tree Garden100 (Theatre)
The Lighthouse - A community centre for the poor and homeless
Sponsorship of The Lighthouse by The Penang Shangri-La Group - Shangri-La's Rasa Sayang Resort and Spa, Golden Sands Resort and Trader's Hotel Penang.
Turtle Conservation Programme
Turtle Conservation Programme initiated by Shangri-La's Rasa Sayang Resort and Spa with the support of Malaysian Fisheries Department and the Penang Nature Tourist Guides.
The Lighthouse
Turtle Conservation Programme
The Penang Heritage Trail consists mainly of easy-to-follow routes that a visitor can take to explore historical areas in George Town on foot, or by trishaw or bicycle which are available for a small fee. The trail is divided into several routes and they are given descriptive names such as Food Trail, Heritage Building Trail, Chinese Kongsi Trail, Old Trades Trail, The Clan Jetties and Muslim Heritage Trail. Visitors can start at the World Heritage Office which is housed at the corner of Carnarvon Street and Acheen Street. Maps and brochures are available at the headquarters.
Batu Feringgi Beach, Penang, 11100, Malaysia
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Location Map


text:
The enormous rear spoiler found on some classic Porsche 911 race cars.
That '74 Carrera RSR has a badass whale tail.
av Bundo 17. august 2005
The act of fucking a girl so hard, from any position, so long as the balls smack the female to the point that there is an unmistake, audible, and loud skin on skin popping sound resembling the sound of a breaching whale's tail smacking the water.
"Dude, I completely whale tailed that girl from the bar last night"
av buns3 23. august 2009
A camel toe for guys.
That guy is sporting a huge whale tail
av nessafox 5. oktober 2009
The visibility of a woman's thong through her pants.
That woman needed some darker pants, because you could see her whale tail right through them.
av Zac Weldon 10. juli 2007
A patch of chest hair that goes across the top from nipple to nipple and tapers off to a point in the middle.
Look at that dude's whale tail! We should've drawn the rest of the whale on his stomach in stead of that big swastika. Oh well, he'll laugh anyway.
av fmuncher 10. juli 2008


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'); } -->
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text:
Kennesaw, Ga. -- One the nation's highest scoring offenses is experiencing a dry spell.
The Stetson softball team dropped both ends of an Atlantic Sun Conference doubleheader at Kennesaw State on Saturday, falling 3-0 and 4-0 at Bailey Park.
It was frustrating day offensively as the Hatters (28-8, 12-4 A-Sun) went 0-for-13 with runners in scoring position and left 15 runners on base.
The Owls (22-21, 11-9) got complete game efforts from Amanda Henderson in game one and from Paige Matthews in game two.
"I thought both pitchers we faced did an exceptional job," Stetson head coach Frank Griffin said. "Both of them bore down and made pitches when they needed to. As far as our players were concerned, I felt like we were a little flat."
In game one, the Hatters loaded the bases in the second, third, and sixth innings but failed to score each time. The Hatters left 13 runners on base in the game, including eight in scoring position.
"Of course it's frustrating, but sometimes you just have those days," Griffin said. "Like Meredith (Owen), for example, hit two rockets but right at someone. That's the breaks. That's why you play the game. You have to give Kennesaw State credit. They scored the runs, and they shut us out."
Demi Meza had three of the Hatters eight hits on the day, all of which were singles.
"I thought we were trying to hit the ball too hard," Griffin said. "It's difficult to do that against good pitchers. You have to focus more on making good contact and just getting base hits. I saw too many big swings when the ball wasn't there for the big swing."
The teams will wrap up the series at 1 p.m. Sunday.
Notes: Coupled with Wednesday's 1-0 shutout vs. UCF, the Hatters have gone 21 innings without a run or an extra base hit ... The Hatters entered the doubleheader on a nine-game conference winning streak, but lost back-to-back games for the first time this season.


text:
Spaces and Places
Find a place to relax, study or watch TV between classes.
Check out this PDF for a full listing!
Once you've found a place to park, who wants to leave campus for an hour and then start the search all over again? Here is a list of some of the widely and little-know places that students can spend time between classes. Some are quieter, some are more social, but there is a place at Westminster to suit just about any commuter needs.


text:
Top Definition
A meeting where someone close to you (e.g. friend, family, etc.) are confronted over behavior that's causing consternation that's negatively effecting your relationship.
"You and your brother need to have a come to jesus meeting over you always having to do his chores and yours."
بواسطة DC Daly مايو/أيار 12, 2009
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
A meeting in which a group discusses their flaws. Nobody can interupt another and they can't put words in somebody else's mouth (she doesnt like me).
After this terrible week, the staff really needs a come to jesus meeting.
بواسطة BmsGrad يناير/كانون الثّاني 1, 2009


text:
I'll be pretty ticked off and at this point I'll be happy to have my money back.
I wonder how long it will take to get credited, better not be any funny business, or silly games from the NHL or ticketmaster, I also think the NHL will need to do some damage control and would think it would be very big of them to cut their losses and pay the service fees but yeah right I seriously doubt it.
Im glad I got a hotel with a cancellation policy. I feel bad for those that didnt.
Will I buy again in 2014 if they re-schedual? Thats a hard question to answer right now, my heart says I love the wings love the game of hockey I love the idea of being 1 of 100 000 plus fans in an outdoor rink making history, but my head says turn your back to the NHL, everyone really should leave those areas empty for a good year make them all feel like they are playing on long island all year long, again wishful thinking, if I dont take those seats someone else will and I'll miss the experience.
It will be a real shame.
Edited by shoe, 02 November 2012 - 06:21 PM.


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4 Awkward Scenarios You Only Tolerate from a Sexual Partner
#2. Sheet Stains
Thinkstock/Comstock/Getty Images
If you were to list some of the most horrible things you can ever run afoul of on a city street, somewhere nestled among roadkill and vomit would be a stained mattress. We've all seen them on the side of the road or in alleys; this wizened, yellowed relic looking like a portly, depressed murder victim discarded by society and rightly loved by no one. And you would never dream of touching one ever because a used, filthy mattress is the physical embodiment of the sound the person in the stall next to you makes in a buffet restaurant washroom. It's the manifestation of everything you don't like about other people in a conveniently sticky, musty form.
Human stains are the worst kind of stains, and ones Tide still refuses to address in their commercials (with the exception of bloodstains, which they never really go into because let's just keep that between us). Despite the fact that we all have the same fluids for the most part, we tend to only want to be involved with our own and those of a few chosen outsiders. A lot of this stems from the fear of disease, and rightly so -- the last thing you want is some dude at Subway making a cold-cut combo for you while his ears and nose drip fluids all over your salami and end up giving you Legionnaire's disease or yeast sclerosis.
When it comes to your own bed, there's a lot you're willing to put up with, especially when factoring in what causes any number of those stains to appear. The erotic fluids are only allowable when you have an active part in producing them, which is why no one ever wants to watch one of those investigative reports of a hotel when they bust out the black light because it makes us all grossly uncomfortable. We all know strangers humped in that bed, we just want to believe it's been sanitized since then. The bed, the shower, the carpet, the writing desk, the balcony, the coffee maker -- all of that has been sanitized. We believe that. We need to believe that.
Goodshoot RF/Goodshoot/Getty Images
"Do you need any more towels? The towels are made of sperm-covered scabs."
Only with someone we have a sexual relationship with will we ever tolerate lying in a puddle. And even then you should probably change the sheets, but we've all had that 4 a.m. blitz that ends with dehydration and head trauma and we're not firing on all cylinders so we just pass out and when we roll over there's a shucking sound as the sheet peels away from our bare flesh. Right? Right.
#1. Being Farted On
Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com/Getty Images
Martin Luther once said, "A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass." To fully appreciate this quote, spend some time reading up on Lutheranism. In the real world, away from all the charm and buoyancy of Germans and their theology, it's not the asses that get miserable when farts occur, it's the rest of us. As much as everyone loves a good fart joke, and of course we do because farts are hilarious (Louis CK assured me of it), the reality of farts is another matter. They're funny when they're yours; they're awful when they're everyone else's, because it's literally the way the air inside someone's butt smells. How could that be pleasant?
A fart's existence gets exponentially more offensive the closer to you it is when it's born. Fart across the room? Eh, whatever. Fart next to you in an elevator? Fuck that person and their rancid ass. But the rules fly out the window when you find yourself lying on your side late at night and you notice, a split second before it happens, the ass of the person you're sleeping with, all bare and warm and pleasant, nestled up against your flesh. Then the fart comes, and because they're so close, you can actually feel the stink hit you. The stink literally depresses your flesh and ripples across you and you just take it. Sure, you might scooch over a bit and make a terrified face there in the dark all by yourself, but you're not getting out of bed. You're going to hold the covers a little more tightly so that it can't creep up into your face and you're going to lie there. Warmer than you were a moment ago. Warmer and sadder.
Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images
That's it, just relax, let the fart coat you like a damp rug made of chalupas.
The sleep fart is one of the great, quiet tragedies of our time. No man is going to wake up his girlfriend or wife to let her know she just farted into the small of his back, barring those who thrive on confrontation and/or are in the death throes of a failing relationship. If you're happy and in love still, you know she doesn't want to know she farted into the small of your back and will resent you for even mentioning it, and even if you suspect she's actually awake and just pretending to be asleep out of shame or humiliation, you'll still just lie there. The only time in your life when you willingly accept being someone's gas sponge.
The only other times I can think of when you might accept someone farting directly on you involve being in prison or some kind of underground German club, but those are really niche scenarios and don't apply to the general theme here.


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Remember that Walden's Title IV Code is 025042.
Call us now toll-free on1-866-492-5336 or
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Call us now using these toll-free numbers or visit our International Students area.
Sharing My Knowledge with the Education Community
I didn't start out to write a book. There was a need in our school.
I work with kids with behavioral issues. Some of them have high-functioning autism, and they have a really hard time fitting in with peers. What we used to do is teach them social skills, but in isolation with the child. Then we'd then send them out into a school environment that didn't really welcome them; the [other] kids weren't having conversations with them, and [our students] were either ignored or bullied. So we started to experiment with peer education, teaching peers about, for instance, Asperger syndrome—one of the syndromes some of the kids have—and teaching them how to interact with them, how to have conversations, how to call them to sit with them at lunch, and that sort of thing. It's called "Circle of Friends," and we involved our kids in extra-curricular activities.
As a result, I started to share the things we had done at our school with other schools. Teachers are very interested in the subject. I was handing out my PowerPoints and doing my little workshops and thinking it's not rocket science, that they would just go do it. But people had a lot of questions. What do you say to parents? What do you say to students when you do peer education? What do you do at your circle meetings?
My packets of information got thicker and thicker and the lady at school who makes the copies got a little impatient with me [laughs]. So I submitted the manuscript for publishing and it was picked up right away. That's how I ended up with a book.
I get a lot of requests to speak at conferences nationally and at the state level, and to do professional development for other schools. The Teacher of the Year [award] just gave me an even bigger platform to be able to do that. My special cause is helping the hardest kids, the kids with behavioral difficulties, fit in in an inclusive environment.
I had this great platform to be able to share things that I knew worked, and teachers were very receptive to hearing it. It was very nice to have an even bigger influence. I knew it worked in our school; now it's great to be able to share that with other people at other schools—in state, out of state, and in the bigger world, too. I have received emails from people using the program in Israel, Pakistan, and Germany. It's had a far-reaching effect. It's been very exciting.
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Creative Writing Workshop offered by Alissa York
Interested in Creative Writing? Always wanted to write, but not sure how to get started?
Feb 14/13
Author Alissa York will lead a workshop in creative writing for students and members of the Laurier community.
York has published Mercy (Random House 2003); Effigy (Random House 2007 shortlisted for the Scotiabank Giller Prize); and more recently, Fauna (Vintage Canada 2010).
This will be an opportunity to develop your skills in writing, to get some hands-on experience and tips, and to enable you to learn more about the publishing industry in Canada.
When: Tuesday, February 26, 2013, 4:30-6:00 pm
Where: 2C2 Arts C Wing
This workshop will be limited to 12 participants.
To secure a spot, please e-mail Dr. Eleanor Ty (email@example.com) with 3-4 lines about why you are interested in participating in the workshop. You will receive a confirmation shortly after.
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Sources: Interface [via Arvix], Arizona State Univ.
quote: "this sh*t is complex, therefore it must be designed"
quote: Evolution + Big Bang + Quantum Physics + Relativity are Scientific Theories that can be proven, observed, and used to predict future outcomes .
quote: Simple question that can not be explained chemically is what formed first, the cell membrane or the components of a cell nucleus?
quote: Also after single cell organisms formed, what caused them to form into multicell organisms?
quote: If a mat of single cells formed into the first multicell organism what made some cells form into skin, others form into livers cells, or nerve cells, or blood cells, ect?
quote: The article talks about the encoding that makes life into life, but where did the encoding of information come from?
quote: So many people think we now know 99% of the truth of how the universe works and was formed, I believe it is more like we know and understand about 1% of the truth of how the universe works and was formed.
quote: The need to differentiate cells came much later.
quote: Cell membrane obviously. You know about eukariotes and prokariotes right? Prokariote does not have nucleus. Bacteria and archea are prokariotes.
quote: Previous generations.
quote: What caused organisms to differentiate cells into the types needed?
quote: Did the first organism to have a bone begin with having just a single mutated bone cell that somehow didn't cause it to die and things just went from there? If it went from there, how did it come about to have multiple bones with joints instead of just one long bone?
quote: So there are organisms which only have a cell membrane with nothing inside that makes it alive? Sorry I am a chemist not a biologist, I just know that from a chemical standpoint that the structures of that complexity do not happen easily if at all.
quote: What gave encoding into the original generation?
quote: Previous generations.
quote: Evolution + Big Bang + Quantum Physics + Relativity are Scientific Theories that can be proven, observed, and used to predict future outcomes.
quote: Evolution + Big Bang + Quantum Physics + Relativity are Scientific Theories that can be proven, observed, and used to predict future outcomes.Intelligent Design is a Belief. It explains nothing. It predicts nothing. It can't be proven. It can't even be observed (complexity exists but its existence means nothing by itself!). It has no mathematical laws or principles. It is simply not science.By comparison, we know for a fact that Evolution occurred. You can walk into any natural history museum and touch fossils. We can even see it occur in real time.As Stephen Hawking said, and was immediately damned for, the Universe does not need God. It's a self regulating, self sustaining bubble of space and energy. Anything beyond our Universe is meaningless because we could never observe it.
quote: So for what it's worth, our universe could have been pre-programmed, however if programmer is sitting outside the universe we'll never be able to meet him so it makes absolutely no sense to waste time contemplating what's beyond the edge - let's focus on stuff inside first.
quote: Science completely allows for the concept that there are simply things that just "are". Like perhaps the fundamental particles that allow for the creation of matter simply always just "have been".
quote: ...elementary particles would be considered foundational. It's "faith based" thinking to say "but there's GOTTA be SOMETHING smaller!"
quote: ...I think it's not crazy to think the whole evolution was pre-programmed to happen... Maybe the Big Bang created the universe...
quote: I feel; given what we know about the number of planets that orbit distant stars its arrogant for us to think all life originated here on earth.
quote: A more likely scenario i think is that Panspermia brought life here and that it is as old as the universe.


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Top Definition
The ultimate evil
When I went to the website lo and behold I got a popup ad.
di Your mom 06 dicembre 2003
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
Photos & Videos
something that appears suddenly or unexpectedly
Sex education books should have a pop-up section.
di yorrick hunt 23 gennaio 2008
An advertizing paradox. The best way to exacerbate the internet user against your product. One of the major mistakes of electronic communication. Doomed to disappear soon.
di Ysengrim 03 gennaio 2004
The best exuse for watching porn.
"Billy!! What are you doing?!"
"Ma!! I swear it was a pop up!"
"Ma!! I swear it was a pop up!"
di sebastiancee 28 ottobre 2007
The most annoying god-damn things in the world.
di Dines 06 giugno 2003
The asshole who invented them is now trying to patent embedded audio ads that you can't turn off.
AAAAARGH!!! I set up two popup blockers and STILL I can't surf the Goddamn web without encountering pages with popups that can't be closed. I'm gonna fucking kill the guy who invented these damn popups.
di angry 15 luglio 2003
An Internet phrase for "pop-up window". The annoying windows that open up randomly when you access a webpage. Most popups can be closed with a simple click of the mouse, but some, such as pornography popups, are programmed to open up more popup windows or pull the user into a pop-up loop, or even disable the user's computer.
There are a wide variety of free and commercial software programs available which can block popups. The range of effectiveness varies with each program.
There are a wide variety of free and commercial software programs available which can block popups. The range of effectiveness varies with each program.
Now it's nearly impossible to surf the Net for ten minutes without encountering a site with at least one porn popup.
di AYB 29 aprile 2003


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5 Things I Can't Believe Websites Are Still Doing
#2. Restricting When and How I Can Use Their Site
Got an XBox Live account? Fortunately, Microsoft, being one of the largest companies in world history, has a sprawling website that will let you do anything you need to do... except cancel. No, if you want to cancel your service, you need to call.
Via Xbox.com
And wait on hold. And have a customer service rep try to talk you out of it.
See, guys, the whole point of having an automated website is that it saves time and effort for the people you pay to man the phones, and it's open 24 hours a day. It's convenient for both of us.
But at least their site doesn't close altogether. When I heard about this next one, I thought it was a joke. If I hadn't been doing most of my research at midnight, I might still think that it was. It started with the Ohio Board of Regents giving out educational loans to future nurses through a program called NEALP (Nurse Education Assistance Loan Program).
Someone tried to access the site after 8pm and found this:
Via Reddit
I'm going to be honest with you here... They give no reason for the website's operation hours, so I can only speculate as to what's going on. If you go to Reddit, where this was found, you'll notice the "https" in that screenshot, which means it's a secure server. Since their hours match what we'd expect from an office, I'd have to assume that they own their own servers. And when they shut down the office for the night, the servers get shut down right along with it. And since this is a government funded website, I have to also assume that they haven't yet discovered that computers do not require people to be in the room in order for them to continue functioning.
But surely this is an isolated case, right? I really wish it were. Evidently, the people at a company called Redcats USA had a problem with shutting their stores down every night of the week for what was assumed to be maintenance. If you happened to be caught in the middle of shopping or maintaining your own online store through them, you'd be met with "Redcats USA are temporarily unavailable, please call us to place an order." Yep, even if you were in the middle of paying for stuff you were just trying to buy.
"Oh, hold that thought, we're closing. You'll have to come back tomorrow, fuckhole."
OK, but these are small companies, right? But even the big ones "close" a part of their online customer service after hours. If something breaks and you go looking for tech support online, the company's website will either offer you the chance to email them with the promise it'll be answered in a couple of days, or, if you're lucky, you can chat live with an agent. But you can forget the latter if your device breaks in the middle of the night:
In my experience, the words "live support" are usually followed by "is currently offline." Am I crazy for suggesting that if you are set up to sell me things at 3 in the morning, that you should also have people standing by to help me when that thing doesn't work? And aren't those live chat support guys usually located in India? If it's 3 am my time, it means it's two in the afternoon over there. I'm not even keeping somebody awake.
#1. Locking Me into Your Site by Disabling My Back Button
I'm not talking about virus-ridden "free screensavers" sites or torrent portals interlaced with malware. I'm not even talking about the bullshit places that force a popup when you try to close the page, asking, "Are you SURE you want to leave?" Oh, no, you're right, website about anal fucking. I planned on leaving this window up for all of eternity. Thanks for spotting my mistake. Good eye!
It's this growing trend in "web 2.0" where adding a "#" to the end of your URL virtually disables your "back" button. It's called a "fragment identifier," and there's a technical reason for its existence of which I admittedly have little understanding. So I won't try to explain it here.
But I'm pretty sure it has something to do with this.
What I do know is that certain businesses (that I won't link to because they're not getting any of our traffic) are using it to trap people within the site. Attempting to use the back button only refreshes the main page, and the only way out is to close the window or hammer your back button repeatedly so fast that it outruns the page's reload time.
This is why this pisses me off so much. First of all, it just feels dishonest. Imagine going to Walmart and finding that they don't have what you're looking for. So you leave, no big deal. On the way out, the greeter grabs your arm in a panic and says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa there buddy! You haven't bought anything -- I'm afraid I can't let you leave." He then hits a button that shoots down Star Wars blast doors over every exit, and the only way out is to blow up the store.
Luckily, they sell a key in sporting goods.
Second, if I was still making up my mind, comparing prices with other outlets, I'm sure as fuck not going to buy from there now. I don't care if they're 50% cheaper than every other store in existence, pulling that bullshit just ruined any sort of trust I had for them because it's showing me that they don't have a problem using underhanded tactics.
And it's not just businesses who use it. Twitter had a pretty big problem with it when they first came out, and they actually had to redesign the site to fix it. The same happened with Facebook. My job has me using Google Image Search for several hours a day, and it has become commonplace for me to have to completely restart a browser because my "back" button has been hijacked by some bullshit site hosting a picture I needed of Russell Crowe fist-fighting a corn field.
He's in there somewhere. I can hear him screaming, "OH, RIGHT IN THE EAR!"
Even if Twitter and Facebook weren't intentionally trying to pull the trap trick, it appears that they were. And even if it was just a case of bad coding, it made them look incompetent. That's why they fixed it. Because no matter how you look at it, that simple little back button could have cost them an empire because we as consumers won't put up with that shit. Just ask the $300,000,000 sign-up page people.
I just wish more businesses understood that.
Thank you to Diana Cook, Philip Moon, and Drew Miller for help with research! You should go read their articles now and call them all fat in the comments section!
For more Cheese, check out 5 Ways Television Went Crazy Since I Quit Watching in 2003 and The 4 Most Important Things to Know as a Gamer Parent.


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If you need a break from the sumptuous offerings in the Crystal Dining Room, we've got casual dining options galore. Try room service, or a meal at the Trident Bar & Grill.
Wine & Food Festival Fantastic
Among the things that set a Crystal cruise apart from the competition is the attention we give to food and wine, and leading the program is our Wine & Food Festival cruises.
Afternoon Tea
What could be more civilized than afternoon tea? Crystal Cruises offers several tea options to transport you to a different time and place. Revel in the luscious Viennese flavors and elegant ambiance of our "Mozart Tea," where waitpersons in period costumes of velvet, brocade and lace cater to your pleasure. You may also choose the white-tie-and-tails tradition of our "English Colonial Tea" or the charming southern ambiance of our popular "American Tea."
Daytime/Casual Dining
features a casual ambiance with breathtaking ocean views, and the buffet-style indoor/outdoor café offers both early and late riser breakfast, as well as late-morning bouillon service and luncheon buffets.
Daytime Snacks
A lunchtime hamburger/hot dog grill, sandwiches, specialty burgers and a full bar are available at theTrident Bar & Grill. During your cruise, you will be treated to several special buffets that might include Asia Café or Cuisine of the Sun. For your sweet tooth, ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbets and freshly baked cookies are available during the day at theTrident Ice Cream Bar.
The extraordinary cuisine for which Crystal Cruises is justifiably famous is offered in our elegant Crystal Dining Room, located in the heart of the ship just off the Crystal Plaza. The Crystal Dining Room is beautifully appointed, with sweeping ocean views by day and a magnificent ambiance at night. Our gracious European-trained waiters and internationally acclaimed chefs provide regionally inspired dishes and classic continental cuisine. The Crystal Dining Room offers the flexibility of two seatings to facilitate your dining preferences, and gives you the convenience of open seating at breakfast and lunch.
Our Japanese restaurant Kyoto, aboard Crystal Harmony, features a sophisticated ambiance; traditional dishes are created by our staff of renowned Japanese chefs.
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PAIA - With cars parked along Hana Highway from Paia town almost to Baldwin Beach Park and a few hundred people grabbing shady spots on an oceanfront lawn, the show went on Saturday afternoon for the first Paia Ukulele Festival.
Organizers had worried that months of planning for the festival would be wasted after receiving letters last week from the Maui County Planning Department saying that the event didn't comply with county code requirements.
But volunteers worked on last-minute adjustments, including building a new stage with a base of picnic tables Saturday morning and painting an orange line in the grass separating residential and commercial portions of the property.
Article Photos
The Paia Ukulele Festival's audience settles in to listen to Paula Fuga.
The Maui News / MATTHEW THAYER photo
Paula Fuga performs at Saturday afternoon's Paia Ukulele Festival.
The Maui News / MATTHEW THAYER photo
After an opening pule, performers including Paula Fuga, the Kalama School Ukulele Band and Wilson Kanaka'ole were performing for the crowd.
"We haven't had any complaints yet," organizer Kenneth Martinez Burgmaier said at midafternoon Saturday. "Everyone's happy. The aloha is definitely flowing everywhere."
After posters had been distributed and entertainers booked for the festival, Martinez Burgmaier said he received two letters from the county at about 3 p.m. Wednesday saying proceeding with the event could result in "civil and possible criminal enforcement action."
While admission to the festival was free, the county said permits would be required for commercial activities, including vendors selling food, crafts and other products, if the activity was on the residential portion of the property.
The county also sought an assessment from organizers so that it could be determined whether the ukulele festival would be in compliance with special management area requirements for the oceanfront property.
Maui County Planning Director Will Spence said Friday that the county wouldn't take enforcement action at the ukulele festival but might check to see whether the organizers were complying with state and county law.
The letter Martinez Burgmaier received said a violation could result in an initial fine of $1,000 and a fine of $1,000 a day for as long as the violation exists.
More than an hour into the festival, Martinez Burgmaier took the stage, generating applause when he asked, "You think we should do this again?
"The county tried to put up some flags stopping us, but why?" he said. "We keep going. We're just trying to do everything pono. Looks like there's not going to be any handcuffs or anything. We're going to keep ukulele flowing here."
Some in the crowd were unaware of the controversy.
Fuga, who flew from Oahu to perform, said that she hadn't heard about the controversy but was glad that the new stage was in the shade and that there also was shade for people to sit in.
Organizers abandoned plans to use an oceanfront viewing platform as the stage because it was on residentially zoned land and instead put together a stage on commercial property closer to Hana Highway.
"It's not often that I get to play at a free show with the people of Maui," Fuga said. "My love for music and Maui is what made me want to come here and support this. Hopefully, I'll be able to come back again for future ukulele festivals."
Benny Uyetake, in his second year as ukulele instructor at Kalama Intermediate School in Makawao, said the group of six 6th- to 8th-graders were excited to perform Saturday.
He said the students performed "to perpetuate the Hawaiian culture and music and support a venue where visitors and kamaaina have a chance to just enjoy the spirit of aloha."
Hinano Kaleleiki, who worked to landscape and clear the land where festivalgoers sat Saturday, said the event was "more than what I thought it would be."
"How you like that?" he said Saturday afternoon. "A lot of people did show up. Some were a little afraid, they didn't want to get caught in the net.
"We'll see what the repercussions will be at the end of the day."
* Lila Fujimoto can be reached at email@example.com.


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Wednesday, August 6, 2014
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