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Asperger Syndrome Center - Apple Valley, CA
- WebMD Physician Directory of Apple Valley Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician Doctors
- Related Asperger Syndrome Articles
- Apple Valley Emergency Contacts
- Nearby Apple Valley Hospitals
- Find a Local Pharmacy on RxList - Apple Valley
Apple Valley Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician Doctors for Asperger Syndrome
Type of Physician: Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician
What is a Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician? A subspecialty certification by the Board of Pediatrics; practitioners have a special interest in the developmental, learning, and behavioral problems of children, and in the support of parents and children during normal development and illness.
Specialty: Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics
Common Name:
Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician Doctors in Apple Valley * results
Don't see your city? Use the WebMD Physician Directory to expand your search.
Asperger's Syndrome (Asperger Syndrome, Asperger Disorder)
Asperger's syndrome facts
- Asperger's syndrome was formerly characterized as a distinct autism spectrum disorder; the DSM-5 in May 2013 combined the diagnosis with autistic disorder into one condition called autism spectrum disord...
Read the Asperger's Syndrome (Asperger Syndrome, Asperger Disorder) article »
Other Related Asperger Syndrome Articles
Emergency Contact for Apple Valley
- In case of Emergency, call 911
Nearby Apple Valley Hospitals results
- 1St Mary Medical Center
18300 US Highway 18
Apple Valley, California 92307
(760) 242-231
- 2Victor Valley Community Hosp
15248 Eleventh St
Apple Valley, California 92395
(760) 245-869
- 3Desert Valley Hospital
16850 Bear Valley Rd
Apple Valley, California 92395
(760) 241-800
- 4Mountains Community Hospital
29101 Hospital Rd
Apple Valley, California 92352
(909) 336-365
- 5Bear Valley Community Hospital
41870 Garstin Dr
Apple Valley, California 92315
(909) 866-650
- 6St Bernardine Medical Center
2101 N Waterman Ave
Apple Valley, California 92404
(909) 883-871
- 7Ballard Rehabilitation Hospital
1760 W 16th St
Apple Valley, California 92411
(909) 473-120
- 8Patton State Hospital
3102 E Highland Ave
Apple Valley, California 92369
(909) 425-700
- 9Barstow Community Hospital
820 E Mountain View St
Apple Valley, California 92311
(760) 256-176
- 10Community Hospital San Brnrdn
1805 Medical Center Dr
Apple Valley, California 92411
(909) 887-633
- 11Arrowhead Regional Medical Ctr
400 N Pepper Ave
Apple Valley, California 92324
(909) 580-100
- 12Jerry L Pettis VA Medical Ctr
11201 Benton St
Apple Valley, California 92357
(909) 825-708
- 13Loma Linda University Behaviora
1710 Barton Rd
Apple Valley, California 92373
(909) 793-933
- 14Loma Linda University Med Ctr
11234 Anderson St
Apple Valley, California 92354
(909) 824-080
- 15Loma Linda University Med East
25333 Barton Rd
Apple Valley, California 92354
(909) 558-600
- 16Fontana Medical Center
9961 Sierra Ave
Apple Valley, California 92335
(909) 427-500
- 17Redlands Community Hospital
350 Terracina Blvd
Apple Valley, California 92373
(909) 335-550
* Provider Directory Terms of Use:
The WebMD 'Provider Directory' is provided by WebMD for use by the general public as a quick reference of information about Providers. The Provider Directory is not intended as a tool for verifying the credentials, qualifications, or abilities of any Provider contained therein. Inclusion in the Provider Directory does not imply recommendation or endorsement nor does omission in the Provider Directory imply WebMD disapproval.
You are prohibited from using, downloading, republishing, selling, duplicating, or "scraping" for commercial or any other purpose whatsoever, the Provider Directory or any of the data listings or other information contained therein, in whole or in part, in any medium whatsoever.
The Provider Directory is provided on an "AS-IS" basis. WebMD disclaims all warranties, either express or implied, including but not limited to the implied warranties of merchantability and fitness for particular purpose. Without limiting the foregoing, WebMD does not warrant or represent that the Provider Directory or any part thereof is accurate or complete. You assume full responsibility for the communications with any Provider you contact through the Provider Directory. WebMD shall in no event be liable to you or to anyone for any decision made or action taken by you in the reliance on information provided in the Provider Directory.
The use of WebMD Provider Directory by any entity or individual to verify the credentials of Providers is prohibited. The database of Provider information which drives WebMD Provider Directory does not contain sufficient information with which to verify Provider credentials under the standards of the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO), National Committee for Quality Assurance (NCQA) of the Utilization Review Accreditation Committee (URAC).
By using the WebMD Provider Directory, you agree to these Terms and Conditions.


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Living the Corporate Housing Advantage
Are you excited about that family vacation? You must have spent many sleepless night imagining it happening in your head. A family vacation is a great way to bond with the people you love the most. It gives you time to enjoy each other's company in a setting that is out of your normal, day-to-day lives. This gives you the chance to appreciate each other more and to realize that you can, after all, be good buddies and not just parents and kids. One thing you must remember though, is to never go on that trip unplanned. This can only put on the pressure on everyone and ruin whatever great moments you had anticipated.
The good news is, planning a vacation is not a very hard thing to do. First, you'd like to begin by setting an inclusive date for your trip. Ask everyone about this and make sure it's going to be convenient for each one's schedule. As you set the inclusive dates for your vacation, consider the fact that you will be able to save quite a sum of money if you make early reservations, from your airline to your hotel. What you can do is monitor airlines' or hotels' websites and watch out for promos. When you catch one, then make your booking. Bigger discounts are given the earlier you book, so don't miss taking advantage of these perks.
After booking with an airline and a hotel, now you'd like to plan what you're going to do in your destination. You surely must have chosen one you haven't visited before (you could be boring yourselves in a place you're already familiar with.) This means, you're going to have to do some research. Know exactly what you plan to be doing and where you plan to be doing it. For example, if you have children, amusement parks will definitely be part of your trip. If your family loves nature, research on a good hiking trail in the area. Knowing what's in store for you in your destination will help you focus more on enjyoing yourselves while doing the things you love to do, instead of figuring out or arguing where to go next.
Of course, you don't just need to research about things you can do and places you can visit. You have to write things down. In other words, make an itinerary or a schedule of your activities once you're there. You don't want to do this alone though, or you could be flooded with complaints, especially from children. Gather everyone around the computer, show them what you've researched on and together decide which tourist spots or activities are woth your time. This way, you'll know everyone is happy and informed about what they can expect during the trip.

subset: commoncrawl


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If you want to help your son or daughter buy a home, is a family mortgage that links some of your savings with their mortgage the answer
Mortgages & Property
Mortgages for over-65s – getting a mortgage if you're an older borrower
If you want to take out a mortgage when you're in your 50s or older, how easy is it to do
Buying a retirement flat – what to look for
If you want to buy a retirement house or flat, you should check out the ongoing costs and what you might have to pay when you come to sell
How do help to buy equity loans work and should you take one out?
If you want to buy a property but you can only get a 5% deposit, could a help to buy equity loan be the answer
Stamp duty is increasing from April if you have a second property. How will it work?
The stamp duty rate for people who have a second property will be increasing from April 1st
Help to buy ISAs – how do they work and who's paying the highest interest rate?
If you're a first time buyer saving a deposit for a home you'll be able to open a help to buy ISA and get a top-up from the government when you buy a home
Stamp duty and tax changes for buy to let investors in the Autumn Statement and July Budget
In the Autumn Statement, the chancellor said that people buying buy to let property or a second home would have pay a higher rate of stamp duty
Are fixed rate mortgages rising? What are the best buy fixed rate mortgages?
What's happening to fixed rate mortgages
Five things you need to know about stamp duty
Stamp duty is sometimes described as a tax on buying property
Will having a payday loan harm your credit rating and your chances of getting a mortgage?
If you take out a payday loan, even if you make all the payments on time, you could find it harder to get a mortgage
How does the government's Help to Buy mortgage guarantee scheme work?
If you want to buy a property but don't only have a 5% deposit, you may be able to get help from the government's Help to Buy mortgage guarantee scheme
Paying off your mortgage early — how to get the best results when overpaying your mortgage
When you take out a mortgage, it typically lasts for 25 years, but you can take years off the term of the mortgage by making extra payments
5 things to look for in an offset mortgage
Offset mortgages combine your savings (or some of them) with your mortgage in order to save you interest
Can home staging help you sell your home for more?
By Clare Parrack of Clarify Interiors
First impressions count and buyers make up their minds in the first few minutes of a viewing
5 things to look for if you're thinking of taking out an equity release mortgage
If you are thinking of taking out an equity release mortgage, it's important that you look closely at exactly what you're being offered
How to find a good mortgage broker
If you take out a mortgage, you can find one directly, talk to your bank or building society or get advice from a mortgage broker
Tougher mortgage rules introduced in April 2014 – how hard is it to get a mortgage?
New rules came into force in April 2014 which mean mortgage lenders do more checks on someone before they give them a mortgage. The rules were a result of something called the 'mortgage market review' and they brought in several changes
What can you offset against tax if you rent out property?
If you rent out a property you're likely to have to pay tax on the income you receive
Squatting is now a criminal offence in England and Wales
A new law means that it's now a criminal offence to squat in a residential property
Protecting your deposit if you rent a house or flat
If you rent your home from a private landlord on an assured shorthold tenancy (AST), which accounts for the vast majority of rental agreements, any deposit you give upfront must be covered by a protection scheme


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- Report: #1034804
Report - Rebuttal - Arbitrate
Complaint Review: Cybersonic
CybersonicTorrance, California U.S.A.
Major Complaints with Cybersonic rip off their heads
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I received one of their toothbrushes as a gift and went to the website to order more brush heads. They give you a list of products to order and, while I only selected the brush heads, they automatically select the entire system as a default.
To make matters worse, the next screen didn't even summurize my order. It just said the order was taken, my card was charged, and the entire system would be sent to me.
Any way to cancel on the website? Forget it. So after spending about a half hour on the phone, I was told that the order couldn't be cancelled until it was "processed" and that shortly after being processed, it would be shipped.
I won't get into all the horrible details, but suffice to say that I spent the next three days trying to find that small window between "processed" and "shipped" and got a different story every time I called.
In the end, the package did arrive at my door and now I am fighting to avoid paying shipping charges over an item I begged to cancel. These people have NO CUSTOMER SERVICE. They are RIP-OFF ARTISTS. DO NOT DEAL WITH THEM.
This report was posted on Ripoff Report on 12/29/2001 12:00 AM and is a permanent record located here: http://www.ripoffreport.com/r/Cybersonic/Torrance-California/Major-Complaints-with-Cybersonic-rip-off-their-heads-1034804. The posting time indicated is Arizona local time. Arizona does not observe daylight savings so the post time may be Mountain or Pacific depending on the time of year.
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Beakers and Beer
Join us for free food, drinks and networking from 5-7 PM! These networking events are free and open to employees who work on the BNMC and members of the community.
Click on the date(s) below to RSVP!
January 21: dig at the Innovation Center, 640 Ellicott St.
February 18: Hauptman-Woodward Institute, 700 Ellicott St.
March 24: NYS Center of Excellence in Bioinformatics and Life Sciences, 701 Ellicott St.
April 21: Jacobs Institute, 785 Ellicott St. (5th floor)
May 26: Coco, 888 Main St.


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- Moving Boxes
- Bubble Wrap
- Packing Tape
- Locks
- Dish Packing Kits... and much more
The Blog
Perks of Climate Controlled StorageIt's HOT out there! Make sure your stuff stays cool!
Saving Trees One Shred Bin at a TimeOur team worked hard last month! March was White Properties biggest shred month ever! We shredded 74,240 pounds of paper that then got recycled. And... Read More
Scholarship Opportunity$500 Scholarship Opportunity Awarded to a graduating senior from each local high school that plans to pursue a degree in business
Strategic Alliance Formed Between White Properties and Mover Dudes- Spearheaded by Mike GuevremontWhite Properties (Storage Solutions) and Mover Dudes announce the formation of a strategic alliance to create a turnkey solution for business and... Read More
Storing Your Boat in the WinterWinterizing your boat is a neccesary task to protect your valuable asset. Doing so can affect your boat's performance. The time and effort you spend... Read More
A New Way to StoreWP is ahead of the trend! We have been offering valet storage for several years now. It's by the box storage with price based on the cubic foot. This... Read More
Your Guide to WinchesterGreetingsfromWinchester.com is Winchester's #1 local business directory brought to you by White Properties.
Contact Us


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- 搜索空房&房价
- 2016/09/01, 3 晚
- 2 入住人数
- 更改搜索
- 价格
- 评分
- 距离
- 物业名称
- 排列方式:
- 列表式
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Hotel Italia Torino
Hotel Italia is a quiet, comfortable place to escape from the pressures of modern life.
The hotel has been recently renovated and is located just a few minutes walk from the heart of the city, onl... 更多...
Bamboo Eco Hostel
使用翻译 我们提供了一个友好的舒适的空间,在那里每个人都欢迎!我们的服务包括生物早餐,并在情况下你一个完整的厨房,你更喜欢做饭比下馆子。我们有免费整天咖啡和茶。我们为了保护环境期待riduce我们的活... 更多...
Tomato Backpackers Hotel
使用翻译 番茄背包客酒店是理想的地方,好奇的旅客可以停下来居住的城市都灵。
该建筑位于San Salvario地区,在城市的中心,几分钟的Porta Nuova火车站,巴士站,以卡塞勒机场和地铁站... 更多...
La terrazza alla ghiacciaia
La terrazza alla ghiacciaia B&B offers 6 bedrooms that could be setted as single, twin, double and triple for a maximum of 15 guests. The rooms are divided in 3 apartments which are really close t... 更多...
Open011 is a comfortable Hostel only ten minutes from Porta Susa station.
It's also well connected to Turin-Caselle airport by Dora Station and it takes only five minutes to reach on foot.
Open011... 更多...
Hotel San Carlo
A little but comfortable hotel in the city centre.
Quiet and old-fashion hotel in the most beautiful and central square of the town.In 10 minutes you can directly walk to all the main touristic point... 更多...
La Terrazza sul Po
The terrace is composed by two double rooms with a common bathroom, a kitchen, a wide terrace an - upon request - a private garage.
Available on request a car conducted sight seeing, in 5 different... 更多...
Hotel Original
Located in the magical city of Turin, the Original Hotel offers excellent accommodation for all types of travel.
Our rooms are equipped with every comfort, and our hotel facilities include: Bar, 24... 更多...
Hotel Montevecchio
Located in the heart of Turin, 300 metres from Porta Nuova railway station and air terminal, thanks to its convenient position is the ideal accommodation for businessmen and tourists.
The internat... 更多...
Hotel Nizza-Turin
The Hotel Nizza is located in the heart of the city of Turin, right next to Torino Porta Nuova railway station. Recently restructured, quiet place familiarly managed, open all year long with a 24/7 re... 更多...
B&B Quadrifoglio
B&B Quadrifoglio offers two rooms furnished with unique pieces of modern art and antiques, a large lounge with LED TV and sofa, bathroom with tub and shower, two large balconies with views of the... 更多...
Eco Art Hotel Statuto
Hotel Stauto is the right place where to stay in you fancy an artistic approach to the beautiful city of Turin.
Our rooms are inspired to contemporary art and unite style and design in all their deta... 更多...
Politecnico 2
Politecnico 2 is a Nice furnished apartment. We offer cable TV and coffee. The towels are included.
Politecnico 2 is located close to many shops, local market and restaurant. You can visit the Roya... 更多...
Hotel Parco Fiera
The complete renovation in recent years, creating a spacious lobby, a new reception area, the construction of a hall for breakfast and a meeting room, the equipment of modern services such as free... 更多...
Casa Romat
Casa Romat is a cozy renovated apartment near Olympic stadium consists of entrance hall, living room with sofa bed, bedroom with 1/2 square, bathroom and laundry. 4th floor No lift.
Casa Romat is... 更多...
Hotel Motel Prestige
The Hotel Motel Prestige has 86 rooms, all equipped with car-parking, private bathroom with shower or bath, phone, safety box, hairdryer, air condition, Tv sat with Mediaset Premium channels, internet... 更多...
L'Antico Borgo Bed and Breakfast
L'Antico Borgo Bed and Breakfast has many services included in price: Continental breakfast to buffet (milk, tea, coffee, orange juice, butter, jam, cereals, biscuits, cookies, yogurt. Typical local p... 更多...
Al Porta Susa
Al Porta Susa B&B is located in the heart of Torino just steps from the Porta Susa train station and from the historical city center.
Welcome to a large apartment with high and frescoed ceilin... 更多...
B&B Casa Romar
Budget Accommodations.Traditional and familiar B&B. Making available to you a double room with private bathroom, Independent entrance, central heating and a balcony.
An additional bed (euro 20),... 更多...
Bella Baita
Bella Baita B&B and mountain retreat is more than a room in a small Guesthouse. We offer an authentic Italian alps experience in our homey "off the beaten path" accommodation. Your sta... 更多...
Mercure Torino Crystal Palace
The hotel offers 60 rooms and 7 suites, providing all the four star comforts.
Built in 1800, it is in the heart of the art and culture scene, just a few steps from the city centre and conveniently... 更多...


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Southwest Florida water district picks new director
Published: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 1:03 p.m.
Last Modified: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 1:05 p.m.
The area manager for an environmental sciences consulting firm will be the next executive director of the Southwest Florida Water Management District.
On Monday, the district's board unanimously chose Blake C. Guillory of Jupiter. Guillory, an engineer, works for Brown and Caldwell, a firm that specializes in water, wastewater, stormwater and related issues for public and private clients.
Guillory replaces David L. Moore, who resigned on May 26.
The district sets water management policies for a 10,000-square-mile area that includes Sarasota, Manatee and part of Charlotte counties.
Reader comments posted to this article may be published in our print edition. All rights reserved. This copyrighted material may not be re-published without permission. Links are encouraged.


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Chef Jeff O'Neill of The Villa by Barton G - Biography
Miami Beach, FL
A Graduate of The Culinary Institute of America, Jeff O'Neill shot into New York City's dining scene working at such renowned restaurants as Charlie Palmer's Aureole, and Restaurant Daniel, as Chef Saucier on the opening team of Daniel Boulud's flagship, which ranked among the "Top Ten Restaurants in the World". He also worked as Chef alongside Eric Ripert at Le Bernardin, the U.S.' only seafood restaurant awarded three Michelin Stars.
Jeff relocated to South Florida to open L'Escalier at The Breakers in Palm Beach, a restaurant that Gayot named as one of the "Top 40 Restaurants in the U.S.", and was awarded the prestigious 5 Star and 5 Diamond Awards during O'Neill's five year tenure. That was followed by four years with Donald Trump at Mar a Lago, where he served as Executive Chef of the ultra-exclusive private resort, in addition to being involved in concept development, design, and implementation of the restaurants Sixteen and DJT, in the new Trump International Hotels in Chicago and Las Vegas. Both restaurants were awarded their first Michelin Star within the first year of their opening date.
In 2010, he joined the Barton G. Design Group, as Corporate Executive Chef & Director of Culinary Development. He is responsible for creative development of restaurants, events and special projects. Barton G.'s innovative approach to entertaining has received worldwide acclaim, and The Wall Street Journal has credited Barton G. as "one of the most imaginative, creative teams on the planet."
O'Neill has garnered numerous accolades along the way, including host chef the 2008 Starchefs Rising Star Awards, and the Six Star Diamond Award from the International Academy of Hospitality, Arts and Sciences.
He has made multiple appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show", and his recipes consistently top the published list of "Oprah's Favorite Things".
Chef Jeff O'Neill
- The Villa by Barton G
1116 Ocean Drive
Miami Beach, FL 33139
(305) 576-8003
- formerly of Mar-a-Lago-Club
1100 South Ocean Boulevard
Palm Beach, FL 33480


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American League wins All-Star Game 3-0
Photo: Julio Cortez/AP
Nelson Cruz, of the Texas Rangers, is out at second as Matt Carpenter, of the St. Louis Cardinals, turns a double play on a ball hit by Edwin Encarnacion during the seventh inning of the MLB All-Star baseball game, on Tuesday, July 16, 2013, in New York. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez
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Colorado pot banking case tests federal drug rules
Posted: 12/27/2015 - A marijuana banking case set for arguments Monday, is testing the federal government's stated goal of addressing the cash-only nature of the quasi-legal pot industry.
Posted: 12/27/2015 - A marijuana banking case set for arguments Monday, is testing the federal government's stated goal of addressing the cash-only nature of the quasi-legal pot industry.
Updated: 12/27/2015 - The Commons of Hilltop invited seniors to its open house Sunday morning. Hilltop provides tenants with homecare, assisted living and independent living.
Updated: 12/27/2015 - We asked people here in the valley what they would change if they could relive 2015.
Updated: 12/27/2015 - The Grand Junction Fire Department was called to an apartment fire early Sunday morning in the 2200 block of North 13th Street.
Updated: 12/27/2015 - The Grand Junction Police Department was searching for male suspect in a carjacking that took place at the Mesa Mall Saturday night.
Updated: 12/26/2015 - Many people are still in the Christmas spirit as they continue to buy gifts for family, friends and themselves while saving money.
Updated: 12/26/2015 - Mother Nature blessed Grand Junction with more than 5 inches of snow on Christmas day. That's the most the city has seen since 1983 when the white cold flakes reached only 3.8 inches.
Updated: 12/26/2015 - Heavy winds whipped a brush fire in Southern California on Saturday into a 1,250 acre blaze — with officials warning it could take at least three days to get the flames fully under control.
Updated: 12/30/2015 - Residents in northern Alabama were warned to be alert for moderate to severe flooding Saturday, a day after a tornado briefly touched down in the state's most populous city but caused only a hint of damage.
Updated: 12/28/2015 - Johnny Duckworth found $3,000 in cash in an envelope at Randy's Southside Diner. What happened next reminded folks across the world of the true meaning of the season.
Updated: 12/25/2015 - As no surprise to anyone that gadgets like smart watches, drones, and fitness trackers are a part of the hottest gifts for the holidays.
Updated: 12/25/2015 - Two Weinerschnitzel restaurants in Grand Junction opened their doors during the lunch hour on Christmas to make sure everyone had a holiday meal to enjoy.
Updated: 12/26/2015 - The National Weather Service said around 2:30 p.m. Friday, Grand Junction received 4.9 inches of snow, making it the city's snowiest Christmas on record.
Updated: 12/25/2015 - Police in Grand Junction fatally shot a teenager after a deadly hit & run when he tried to hijack a car with a family inside.
Updated: 12/25/2015 - What to do if you're in a car crash during an Accident Alert
Updated: 12/25/2015 - It's one of the last places you may imagine yourself on Christmas Eve, but Thursday, many Grand Valley residents went to the dentist.
Updated: 12/24/2015 - On Christmas Eve some Grand Valley residents are taking time to spend it with members of our community who may not have a family to spend the holiday with.
Updated: 12/25/2015 - The Commons of Hilltop employees and community members came together to serve food to about 300 seniors who are homebound this Christmas Eve.
Updated: 12/24/2015 - The Salvation Army has been very concerned about low funding this year but Santa has struck them when they least expected him to. Someone dropped off their engagement and wedding ring in a zip lock bag into a Salvation Army red kettle Wednesday. A man handed an envelope containing a $100 bill and a one ounce gold piece dollar on Thursday morning. That gold coin is worth $1,100.
Posted: 12/24/2015 - Police said the weapons included two handguns that had previously belonged to Sheriffs of Mesa County, as well as a gold-plated pistol, which had previously been owned by Leo Carrillo, an actor best known for his role of Pancho, in the 1950s sitcom, "The Cisco Kid."
Posted: 12/24/2015 - Tourists in Fiji captured a helicopter crashing into a tree on video. No one was harmed in the crash.
Updated: 12/24/2015 - An early evening accident snarled traffic at I-70B and 28 Road.
Updated: 12/24/2015 - Eighty skiers and snowboarders were evacuated Wednesday from a malfunctioning chairlift in Aspen.
Posted: 12/24/2015 - Fire crews said a UPS driver called 911 after seeing smoke coming from the house around 2:30 Wednesday.
Updated: 12/25/2015 - A Delta mother extremely upset after her daughter experienced what she calls a disturbing act of bullying.


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Human History
List View Grid View
per page
2 items
Primary World Transportation - Laminated - For Primary children ages 3 to 6 from Laughing Star MontessoriThese well-researched, classroom-tested card materials show children the many ways people and goods travel by water, land, or air. Includes 3 category label cards and 13 subject cards per category (42 cards in all). Learn More
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles - A Visual History of Modern Transportation featuring 100 Iconic DesignsThis extraordinary compendium of 100 iconic forms of transportation folds out to display the evolution of transportation design, from the dawn of the Industrial Revolution to the present day. 6½ feet long Learn More
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Change Location
ACE Fit Share
Add some variety to your fitness routine with these upper and lower leg exercises from The American Council on Exercise. We have a large selection of leg exercises that will will help you strengthen and build muscle throughout your legs including your hamstrings, thighs, shin and calf muscles. Start taking advantage of this free information today! If you are looking for full workout routines that incorporate these leg exercises, check out our Workouts section.
Fit Life Articles
It can feel daunting trying to squeeze in one more thing into an already overcrowded schedule, but establishing and committing to a yoga practice does not have to require a lot of time each day. Learn how you can reap the many benefits of a yoga practice, even if you only...
Chances are you've heard of a familiar-sounding game that took the social media world by storm recently. Pokémon has returned—new and improved with a little twist.
If gaining weight is your goal, it's important to do so in a mindful way, paying close attention to both what you eat and how much you eat.


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Join TAMVA
Membership of The Trade Association of the Music Venues Alliance (TAMVA) will offer Grassroots Music Venues preferential and exclusive deals on insurance, legal support, finance, ticketing, business costs, audience development and promotion.
It will offer free advice on business development, business planning, sustainability, infrastructure and access.
Membership delivers £4,000 to £18,000 in direct financial benefits from our partners.
Venues Day 2016
Music Venue Trust is delighted to announce that Venues Day 2016 will take place on Tuesday 18 October at Roundhouse, London.
To be an Event Partner for Venues Day 2016, contact [email protected]
Music Venue Trust would like to thank our headline partners for making last year's Venues Day 2015 such a roaring success. Thanks to the support of these organisations, venues from across the country were able to come and take part for free.
Music Venue Trust Tour
Latest News
The Carnabys become patrons of Music Venue Trust
Music Venue Trust, the charity dedicated to championing, protecting and improving the UK's grassroots music venues, is delighted to announce that up and coming [...]
#livemusichere 5pm. Fridays.
As discussed elsewhere and at our regional meetings, we want to enable venues to take collective control of social media activity promoting each gig, [...]
Music Venue Trust on Tour! Welsh Music Venues meeting – 17 May 2016 at Cardiff's Clwb Ifor Bach
Music Venue Trust invites Welsh music venues to come together on 17 May 2016 at Cardiff's Clwb Ifor Bach to discuss the Welsh live music scene & circuit.
Venues Day 2016 Gets New Headline Partner: UK Music
UK Music is the new headline partner for Venues Day 2016 at Roundhouse, London and upcoming meetings in Manchester, Leicester, Bristol & Cardiff.
VICTORY for MUSIC VENUES! Developers now required to seek prior approval on noise impacts before usage change
VICTORY for MUSIC VENUES: Developers are now required to seek prior approval on noise impacts before they can change usage from office to residential
Music Venue Trust Tour – Manchester, Leicester & Bristol
We are delighted to announce three regional meetings for grassroots music venues to discuss local, regional and national issues impacting on the sector. We hope that if you represent a venue in England you will be able to join us at one of these events in Manchester, Leicester or Bristol.
Please answer this 6 question survey – in less than 60 seconds
Dear Friends, We have been asked by government to create the economic case for grassroots music venues, by getting some evidence on the economic activity that takes place because they [...]
Venues Day 2016 – 18 Oct at Roundhouse, London
Music Venue Trust is delighted to announce that Venues Day 2016 will take place on Tuesday 18 October at Roundhouse, London. Since the first [...]
BBC News: Steve Lamacq: Are small venues under threat?
All this week, Steve Lamacq is taking his BBC 6 Music show on the road to find out how the UK's grassroots music venues are surviving. [...]
Achievements in 2014/5
The Agent of Change Principle says that the person or business responsible for enacting a change is responsible for managing the impact of that change. For example, an apartment block to be built near an established live music venue would have to pay for soundproofing, while a new live music venue opening in a residential area would be responsible for the costs. This is common sense but is not currently law, and we would like that changed.
Venues Day 2014 was the first national event specifically designed to celebrate small and medium scale independent live music venues across the UK, bringing together professionals from the sector to network, share ideas and views and plan the way forward. Venues Day 2015 is now being planned.
The Understanding Small Music Venues report is the culmination of research undertaken as part of Venues Day 2014. It is a discussion document about how small venues operate, the challenges they face and the role they play. It invites the music industry, cultural sector, government and others to respond strategically and constructively to protect, secure and develop them.
It was presented in The Grand Committee Room, Westminster Hall in March 2015 in a symposium of music business luminaries and The Culture and Shadow Culture Ministers, Ed Vaizey MP and Chris Bryant MP.
More here.
The Mayor of London's Music Venues Taskforce, chaired by Music Venue Trust, was set up in February 2015 to look at the steps the city can take to protect and secure its vital network of live music venues.


text:
I took two brushes from a RC car set.
I cut a power functions extension wire in half.
The ends of PF wire are connected to the brushes.
The tender is slightly modified with a weight, to keep the brushes down; and a light, so I know when the train has power.
The Emerald Night has the PF XL motor, lights, and IR receiver in it. And I use the IR Speed remote.
Here are some pictures of my conversion:
http://members.shaw...._2653 small.jpg
http://members.shaw...._2654 small.jpg
http://members.shaw...._2655 small.jpg
http://members.shaw...._2656 small.jpg
It doesn't work perfectly. Dead spots, like switching tracks cause it to stop if I'm not going fast enough. I tried the lego capacitor, but it didn't have enough voltage. I really need a 9v capacitor.
I also found the train doesn't like changes in elevation.
I did this because I thought the PF rechargeable battery box was too expensive. It is almost the best of both worlds - IR remote and electrified tracks. I just need to get it working more smoothly now.
Attached Files
Edited by CNDlego, 26 April 2009 - 04:20 AM.


text:
13 Clyne Goondiwindi Qld 4390
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Page Visits: 183
- General Features
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text:
The Federal Budget Group LLC, is led by Charles Konigsberg, one of the nation's leading authorities on the U.S. Budget and fiscal policy.
Prior to serving as President of the Federal Budget Group, Mr. Konigsberg served as:
- General Counsel and Chief Health Counsel at the U.S. Senate Finance Committee
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text:
Please Wait - Updating Your Shopping Cart
The perfect flashlight for the person seeking great quality at a great price.
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For the price you can't go wrong with this one. Appears to be well built, sturdy and bright and uses AA batteries rather than 3 volt lithium batteries like lights costing 5 times as much. At this price get a couple and keep them everywhere you might need one. Just remember to throw away the flimsy, useless belt case that comes with it.
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text: Posted January 19, 2013 I've been wanting the team to get a sledgehammer fullback for a long time. That said, given his experience I might expect a Mike Alstodt type over a Lorenzo Neal/Howard Griffith "pure blocker" sort. I'd say Tolbert and Alstott are pretty comparable when discussing blocking. Tolbert might even have the edge. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites


text:
The Funny Manby John Warner
View All Available Formats & Editions
The funny man is a middling comic in an unnamed city. By day he takes care of his infant son, by night he performs in small clubs, sandwiched between other aspiring comics. His wife waits tables to support the family. It doesn't sound like much, but they're happy, more or less. Until the day he comes up with it. His thing. His gimmick. And everything changes. He's a headliner, and the venues get bigger fast. Pretty soon it's Hollywood and a starring role in a blockbuster, all thanks to the gimmick.
Which is: He performs with his fist in his mouth to the wrist. Jokes, impressions, commercials—all with his fist in his mouth to the wrist. The people want him—are crazy for him—but only with his fist in his mouth.
And the funny man, he is tired of having his fist in his mouth.
Thus, as the novel begins, his career's in tatters, his family's left him, and he's on trial for shooting an unarmed man six times. But for the second time in his life, against all odds, he's found love. This time with another celebrity, who may or may not be sending him coded messages, and may or may not be equally in love—or even know he exists. A coruscating satire of our culture of celebrity, this debut novel documents one individual's slide from everyman to monster, even as it reveals the potential for grace—and mercy—in his life.
Editorial Reviews
"John Warner's The Funny Man is a funny novel about a funny man who sticks his whole hand in his mouth in a funny way. But it's much more than that—a wise, rueful, surprisingly tender book about what happens when we get what we want, and then what happens when we keep on wanting things. A very American novel, in other words, a novel that reminds me of Walker Percy's and Saul Bellow's very American novels. I can think of no higher praise for a novel, and The Funny Man deserves it."—Brock Clarke, author of Exley and An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England
"I'm not at all surprised that John Warner would invent the perfect Everyman for our age: a comic whose meteoric rise to fame is based on a stupid gimmick. Half first-person tell-all, half third-person takedown—a brilliant structure—The Funny Man is a whip-smart satire of celebrity culture. It is hysterical, and sad, and ultimately indicts us all. An excellent novel."—Jessica Francis Kane, author of The Report
"What people will do for fame never looked so bad, or conceivable. John Warner tips celebrity culture a few degrees toward the absurd, and out falls a human, dying from a joke. The Funny Man shows us what blooms in the shadows of the paparazzi's flashbulbs—nothing pretty, but true and damn amusing."—Rosecrans Baldwin, author of You Lost Me There
"An illuminating satire…a sharply focused lampoon of the escalating absurdity of the newest virulent strains of celebrity culture—as the story's funny man straddles a deeply conflicted persona reminding us that comedy is after all, no joke."—The Daily Beast
"Darkly funny.... [Warner] peppers his book with clever asides that themselves could serve as stand-up bits.... But these serve more as comic relief to the book's provocative theme of being careful what you wish for.... The last third of the book is ambiguous, but serves as a meditation on therapy, the afterlife, and connecting with a kindred spirit. It works because like the rest of the novel, it's the biting social commentary that Warner is going for, not wrapping things up in a bow."—Splitsider
"America's favorite comedian is on trial for manslaughter, and 'the funny man''s lawyer, Barry, has a unique defense: not guilty by way of celebrity.... [An] equally sickening and humorous portrait of the celebrity as a delusional man."—Publisher's Weekly
"In his first novel, Warner skewers the culture of celebrity.... Not guilty by reason of celebrity (hey, it worked for Rob Lowe and Charlie Sheen). The funny man's fall is precipitous, yet in the midst of it, he manages to find love again with (who else?) another celebrity ... a clever premise."—Booklist
"The Funny Man joins a short list of intelligent, dark comedies about self-loathing main characters whose success is built on the poor taste and/or low IQ of the American public. In so doing, Mr. Warner follows the path of authors like Chris Buckley and Randall Silvis, but he is darker than the former and funnier than the latter. Regardless of the company he keeps, The Funny Man puts John Warner among the most perceptive and edgy chroniclers of an increasingly coarse American culture."—New York Journal of Books
From the Hardcover edition.
Product Details
- 9781569479742
- Publisher:
- Soho Press, Incorporated
- Publication date:
- 09/27/2011
- Sold by:
- Penguin Random House Publisher Services
- Format:
- NOOK Book
- Pages:
- 288
- File size:
Read an Excerpt
The courtroom is not a space conducive to comedy. For
one thing the ceiling is too high; too much space for jokes to
float up and fade. And then there's the layout, the way the various
people—judge, defendant, prosecutor, jury—are isolated in their
zones. Laughter is like a virus, more easily spread when people are
in proximity to each other, and the only person anywhere near
me is Barry, my lawyer.
Not that I'm in the mood to try out any new material, even if
Barry hadn't hinted that levity is a bad idea when you're charged
with manslaughter by saying, "The only one who gets to be funny
in here is the judge and if the judge is funny I'm allowed to laugh,
but you aren't. You are going to be as serious as ass cancer."
The viewing area is empty, the judge's decision to prevent a
"spectacle." I didn't object, and neither did Barry, which is odd
because he seems to enjoy an audience almost as much as I used
to. Because I'm famous, there's been high demand to see the trial.
Depending on the news outlet this is either the trial of the year
or the decade. I am a top story every night. There are at least ten
Web sites dedicated entirely to the trial's goings on, reporting the
tiniest of minutia. There are daily tweets on what the jury orders
out for lunch. A large crowd hoping for a glimpse of something
interesting gathers in a roped-in designated free speech area out
in front of the courthouse every day. On the cable news crawl you
will find my name scrolling by at five minute increments. Apparently,
I spark the synapses of the national consciousness.
Crowds used to be my thing, but lately, I sometimes like to
imagine myself as the main character in one of those postapocalyptic
movies where there is only one person with one loyal dog
companion left on Earth and that vision feels pretty damn good,
relative to the present circumstances anyway.
No, two people. I would like there to be two people left on
Earth (with or without the dog), me being one of them.
Barry and I must now enter and leave the courthouse from
below ground in a car with dark windows because otherwise the
paparazzi would never allow us down the courthouse steps. They
would slowly melt me to a puddle under the heat and glare of their
camera lights.
As is, when the car leaves the underground garage, they stand
in front of the vehicle, blocking its way until they get more than
enough pictures. They seem willing to risk their lives for these
pictures (of the car, not even of me since the windows are blackened),
one hand braced on the car's hood while they fire away with
their cameras, defying the car to run them over.
I killed a man, that's not in doubt. We're not arguing about that.
I said as much to the first cops on the scene when they approached
with their guns and their f lashlights drawn, the guns aimed at my
torso, the flashlights focused on my hands, because it was in my
hands that I still held the gun and they asked, "Did you shoot this
guy?" and I said, "Yeah." And one of the cops said, "Hey, I know
you," and the other cop said, "Me too."
In the mug shot that you've probably seen I look blottoed, crazy,
my hair electrified, my eyes sunken deep into my skull, but it's
important to remember that it was raining and I was wearing a
hood and there's a certain amount of shock associated with being
arrested, even when you've done nothing wrong.
Plus, I was in love.
The trial is to determine if I had to shoot the man, if it was selfdefense,
if it was justified. It is illegal to shoot someone because
you can, or even should, or even if they deserve it. The only way
it is legal to shoot someone is if you have a reasonable belief that
your life is in danger at the moment you shot the person.
The answer to the question of why I shot the man is a complicated
story. However, let me lay out these undisputed facts: The
gun belonged to the other man, and the other man was a wellknown
thief, an armed robber as had been proven in a court of
law twice before. And no, I did not have to shoot him. He was
disarmed, the threat neutralized. I shot him six times as an act
of kindness, of mercy. No one knows this story, not even Barry,
because he wouldn't believe it. It seems impossible to make the
context clear. I deserve punishment for lots of things, but shooting
that man is not one of them.
That night, I was walking around the city, minding my own
business, feeling good, feeling really good for the first time in a
long time, feeling really really good for the first time since the
divorce and then the new thing bombing, my failures. Two of
my failures, anyway. I was feeling good because I had gone to the
ends of the Earth (another complicated story) and there I'd met
her and in her I had been cleansed; all things suddenly seemed
possible. I had spent the evening watching her the only way I
could, on television, a match from Monte Carlo, tape delayed as
filler. I could've been the only one watching for all I knew, but
it didn't matter. It was as though each serve, every groundstroke,
was a message transmitted directly to me. As she destroyed the
teenager from Croatia, it was as though she was saying, I miss you.
I'll see you soon.
It was raining, but following her match I couldn't be contained
by the walls of my apartment, so I gave in to the urge to grab my
coat and walk, just walk wherever, rolling everything around in my
head, her smile, the sensation of our first kiss, savoring this change
in fortune. We were temporarily apart due to circumstances, but I
was confident that those circumstances would change. Not confident,
certain. Those were moments of certainty for me. I kept the
hood on my jacket pulled up, protection against the rain. I must've
looked a little dumb, walking in the rain, laughing, almost giggling
to myself when I thought of her.
I turned a corner and smirked because just at that moment I was
thinking about how my life had turned a corner and there I was,
literally turning a corner, and there was something funny in that, not
ironic funny, coincidence funny, but there was the man with the
gun saying, "Give me your wallet. No funny business."
Barry sits, staring placidly at the empty bench, his hands
folded on top of a blank legal pad. An expensive pen rests to one
side. There are no other papers or materials either on or beneath
or beside the table. I used to have my own notepad and pen, but
Barry took them away from me earlier in the trial because the
courtroom sketch artist noticed that I had the tendency to draw
obscene doodles and this little tidbit wound up anonymously
sourced in the news, which was not good, which was described
on several of the websites as a "setback."
The judge is often called away for urgent business in her chambers,
which means the rest of us—me, Barry, the prosecutor, the
jury, the sketch artist—are left behind, waiting. If the waiting is
expected to go on too long, the jury gets to go elsewhere, but
I am usually expected to stay. Sometimes I imagine the judge
makes us wait because she can, which isn't fair. The headlines say
it themselves: Funny Man on Trial for His Life, the kind of
thing that deserves a judge's full attention. Well, not exactly my
life, since manslaughter is not punishable by death, but enough
imprisonment to last the rest of my days is close enough to "life,"
in my book.
During these periods of judicial absence, Barry is serene, contemplative
without being glassy or glazed, a well-dressed Buddha.
Occasionally, he leans toward me as though to speak, his eyes
canted up and to the right at the jury, but nine times out of ten he
says nothing, or at best, a "how ya doing?"
The prosecutor, on the other hand, is busy riff ling through
accordion files, f lagging things with Post-its, scribbling notes onto
his own pad. His tie is almost always askew and there is a stack of
poster-sized exhibits resting behind him, some gruesome pictures
of the "victim" at the scene and later on the coroner's table. A team
of three assistants sits at an auxiliary table pouring through their
own files, occasionally bringing a sheet of paper to the prosecutor's
attention for him to look at brief ly before either shaking his head
and sending them away, or grabbing it and stuffing it into one of
his own files. They are like bees working in the hive.
During the prosecution's case, which has just ended, this
dichotomy between the prosecution's busy hive and Barry's
Buddha disposition began to bother me. The prosecutor would
display one of the oversized pictures showing the "victim" on a
metal table under the glare of the coroner's lights, the small purplish
blotch between his eyes where the only bullet that mattered
entered, and march back to his table to grab a piece of paper to
wave at the witness and ask things like, "Isn't it true that . . . ?"
And the answer from the witness always sounded very bad, very
damaging to my case, a "major setback," if you will. All the while
Barry maintained his look, calm yet alert, centered, speaking only
occasionally to object to the way a question was phrased, after
which the prosecutor would simply reword to the same effect and
there came the damaging information anyway. It was as though a
hand was raised to block a blow to the head, only to invite one to
the gut. I'll admit, it was maddening, borderline infuriating even,
and finally at the end of one of the days of the trial as Barry and
I rode in the back of the car with the darkened windows, being
buffeted by the paparazzi trying to shoot us through the front
windshield, I exploded. There was a time where I would've gladly
subjected myself to the judge and jury's harshest punishment, but
I was ready to live and it seemed like Barry was helping them kill
me. The car rocked gently as it eased through the mass of reporters,
the driver tooting his horn with every inch.
"We're getting killed! You're killing me!" I said, my hands
trembling in my lap, one eye on Barry, one on the stubbly back
of the driver's head. "Even I'm going to think I'm guilty by the
time this is over! Why don't you do anything? Look at all the stuff
they have! The reports, the pictures, the diagrams, the re-creation
animation!" I felt my face f lush and I pounded my hand against
the armrest as I shouted.
Barry maintained the infuriatingly calm look and placed one
hand gently on my leg as the other reached for the switch that raised
the divider between us and the driver. As the barrier swooshed
into place, he started to speak.
"I am doing great, better than great, actually. You, on the other
hand, are going to cock things up with your fidgeting and wincing
every time they ask something and even a slightly unfavorable
answer comes out. Half the time you look like someone's got
electrodes on your nads. It's not pretty and it's not helpful."
"Not helpful! You're doing nothing! No-thing! Did you see
those pictures he has? Gah! This guy is slaughtering you and you
do nothing! I just want you to do something!"
I shook my fists like a frustrated baby. It was a worse moment
among bad ones. Barry sighed and grabbed my arms and pulled
them down and gripped me by the hands. The look on Barry's face
remained unchanged, unbothered, placid, but the grip was extremely
strong. I could feel my knuckles shift underneath my skin.
"You are under a misapprehension," Barry said, maintaining
his grip. "You, like our prosecutor friend, believe that a trial is an
exercise in logic, that Sherlock Holmes is on the scene, deducting
and inducting until we arrive at a common understanding of who
is guilty and why. You believe that a trial is like solving a puzzle of
what happened that night in that alley, and why, each piece locking
into place until the picture is clear for all to see. Yes?"
I nodded. These things had seemed self-evident to me, the
page that all of us—judge, prosecution, jury—were on. This was
the given, the thing to be understood and accepted and while—
because of the plausibility issues—I could never tell the full story,
I had been hoping that Barry would come up with a reasonable
facsimile that would prove convincing to the jury. Barry loosened
his grip a little and began rubbing the top of his thumb over the
back of one of my hands. It felt good, actually.
"This strategy would suggest that we need to be contesting each
and every inch of forensic evidence, and from there move on to
destroying the credibility of their witnesses, the ones who said they
heard a scuff le starting and then a scuff le ending and then maybe
some pleading from an unidentified voice that is probably not the
defendant, since the defendant's voice is rather recognizable, and
only then a gunshot. Check that, multiple gunshots, suggesting
that you may just have executed this poor wretch of a man forced
to steal from people with enough money for a hundred lifetimes
to feed a drug habit that has already twice landed him in jail.
"If this trial is an exercise in logic," he continued, "we should
want to muddy the picture of that puzzle so the jury can't tell if
they're looking at a picture of Mount Rushmore, or a basket full
of golden retriever puppies, or an autumn scene in New England,
I nodded again, relaxing slowly. My hands puddled inside of
Barry's grip. His skin was downy soft. We held onto each other
like husband and wife at the wedding altar. Barry continued.
"You believe that trials are won and lost on the basis of who
presents the most compelling arguments in the most cohesive and
logical fashion, but as history and experience have shown, this is
nonsense, a fundamental misunderstanding of human nature and
decision making. Here's an analogy. I assume you've voted before.
Do we happen to elect the person who is most qualified, who is
best prepared for the challenges of the office? Do we sort through
the criteria for being a good president, weigh the pros and cons,
and then select the right person for the right time? No, we do not,
because human beings are irrational creatures. We are subject to
swings of emotion. We are governed by illogic. You, above all,
should recognize this by now, considering your life."
I opened my mouth to protest, but no sound came out.
"A trial is not a logic puzzle. A trial is not Tetris. A trial is a
story. A trial has characters and conflict and action and symbolism
and theme and a climax, and all those other things. Now, I bet you
can picture the climax we're hoping for. I know I can. In fact, I
visualize it daily. It is part of my morning ablutions, all of us turned
toward the jury, quiet enough in the courtroom to hear a pin drop,
breaths held in anticipation as the foreperson unfolds the slip of
paper and reads from it, despite already knowing what's printed
there, and says, 'Not guilty, Your Honor.' Would you agree that
this is the climactic moment we're hoping for?"
I nodded. I hadn't dared visualize it before, but as he spoke it
appeared before me and I had the urge to run toward it.
"Good. So we're on the same page there. Now, to bring about
this climax, something very important has to happen and that is
that regardless of whether or not you committed the act in the way
the prosecution alleges, when we get to that moment, we need that
jury to want you to be innocent. Let me say that again in a slightly
different way. It doesn't matter if you are or are not innocent on
the facts of the case. It is not what happened that matters, it is why it
happened. They must be rooting for you to be innocent. In rooting
for you to be innocent they will realize that they have the power
to make it so and after we hear that verdict you'll be shaking my
hand and hugging me and pounding me on the back as tears roll
down your cheeks. But . . ."
"Yes, there is a but. I didn't want to have to share this with
you, but at this point, we have no real choice. As part of our trial
preparation we have been focus grouping you."
"Focus grouping?"
"Yes, we gathered the unemployed, the elderly, the unemployed,
the unclever, the unemployed, in short, the sorts of people who
were likely to—and indeed did—wind up in a jury of your peers,
and we asked them about you, what they know, what they think,
and it was not pretty."
"No. The words most commonly associated with you among
our target potential jury demographic were untalented, successful,
and bad husband and father."
Barry said the words matter-of-factly, a declaration as straightforward
as name, rank, and serial number.
"Successful is good, though, right?"
"Not when coupled with untalented, no. The perception is that
your success is unearned, either a f luke or a function of a decaying
society, an early sign of the end-times-type thing. If the world
were a better place we never would have heard of you. You are a
symptom of a collective societal weakness for the gimmicky and
trivial. The overwhelming feeling among these people is that you
should just go away. To these people, you're not likable enough
to pity, not interesting enough to hate. Either of these could be
compelling reasons for a jury to find you not guilty. Right now,
you are simply what is happening and they're eager to move on to
whatever is next while still recognizing the need for closure with
regards to your particular tale. They feel that you are holding them
hostage. They wish for resolution, but don't particularly care what
it is. 'Just get it over with,' they say. 'Whatever,' they say. Needless
to say, this narrative is toxic to our chances. They want you gone
because they can't bring themselves to look away.
Barry released my hands and sat back in the seat and turned his
eyes forward. The driver had wormed free of the paparazzi and
we were speeding down an avenue, the lights going green for us
as though by Barry's command, the soft shocks of the town car
absorbing all bumps. I stared at Barry, still gape-mouthed, my mind
swirling, disordered like a snow globe shaken and dropped, and
finally asked, "So which am I going to be? Hero or villain?"
"That's what we're going to find out."
On the small, nightclub stage, the funny man says funny
things to the small audience arranged around the small tables
before him. As the laughter fades between these funny things,
the funny man hears ice shift in cocktail glasses and throats being
quietly cleared. Toward the end, someone lets loose a big, wet
cough that sounds tubercular and a drunk man orders his next
round loud enough to drown out a punchline. All in all, though,
a damn good night.
This is maybe the five or six hundredth time the funny man
has tried his hand at this and "damn good" is a signif icant
improvement over his initial attempts. The number of people
he has performed for has varied from none to slightly more
than none, to seven (including three bachelor party revelers
who were unconscious, greening upchuck crusted to their
shirtfronts), all the way up to 125 when he was scheduled on a
night when there was a rumor that a "comedy legend" would
be doing a rare club appearance to work on new material. The
legend never appeared because it was the funny man who started
the rumor, maybe the cleverest thing he had done in his life
up to that point.
Six years the funny man has been coming to this club, from the
moment he was old enough for his parents to trust him to drive
alone into the city, fueled by an indestructible belief that he was
indeed funny and that someday people would pay to hear him
say and do funny things. The funny man doesn't know where
this belief, or the seemingly inexhaustible fuel that accompanied
his desire to have others agree with this self-assessment, came
from. This belief remained unshaken despite the number of times
someone, unsolicited, had shouted up to him on the stage, "Fuck
you, you're not fucking funny." (Forty-nine.) The funny man had
been told to "eat shit," to "die," to "eat shit and die," and to "eat
shit and die horribly," which actually made him laugh. Shielded
by the stage lights blocking the funny man's view, patrons had
yelled at the funny man to fuck himself, to fuck his mother and to
fuck himself with his mother's dick, and yet at every opportunity
he climbed on to the stage, hopeful each time that it would go, if
not "damn good," at least "pretty good." If you want to call that
a sickness, that's your business.
The club is the only venue that matters, the place where all of
the famous funny men (and women, though there aren't that many
women) have been spawned. They come to the club as embryos
and the stage is where they gestate and careers are either birthed
or aborted. The club is small and ugly and certainly not the kind
of place that should be seen in daylight under any circumstances,
but it is and always has been the place. The hopeful funny people
come to bomb until the day they no longer bomb and then they
are said to have "passed," at which time you are allowed to perform
on a Friday or Saturday night and you earn twenty dollars
for the privilege.
But this night, for the funny man, no bombing, only applause,
or mostly applause among the usual indifference. One of the things
the funny man has come to realize during his times on stage is that
the people in the club who are not shitfaced into oblivion want
to laugh. They are almost desperate to laugh, having paid their
fifteen-dollar cover charge and drunken their required minimum
of drinks. They are like cans of soda shaken up, ready to explode
and all it takes is to open them. It is the funny man's job to unearth
the funny things they already hold in their brains, they just don't
know it yet. And yet, so many of the prospective funny people
bomb, or tank, or f lop, because the wannabe funny people are
equally desperate to get them to laugh and the mutual desperation
meets like two magnets tuned to the same poles, pushing each
other farther and farther apart until there is only silence, or even
worse, a comic who turns on the audience, seeking laughs in that
guy's mole, or her oversized breasts, blaming them for his (it is
always a he) own shortcomings, the most significant of which is
that he just isn't funny.
Upon finishing, the funny man thanks the audience for having
him and tells them that they're really too, too kind. As is custom,
he introduces the next performer and steps from the stage lights
into darkness and wipes the sweat from his brow and this moment
always reminds the funny man of the moment after orgasm where
just instants before you were thinking that this is the best thing ever
and then all of the sudden it's all, "what's the big deal?" and then
two minutes later you feel kind of dirty about the whole thing.
Near the bar, a man loudly claps two fat hands together, whistles
with his fingers at his lips, and then claps again, repeating the
sequence long after the rest of the room is silent. The man is round
and dumpy like those toys that can't be knocked down. He gestures
the funny man backstage. The funny man follows. The man's neck
is thick and wrinkled like a Shar-pei.
The clapping man claps the funny man on the back. Regular
people are not allowed backstage, so the funny man knows this
man is irregular. He is part of the industry. "That was killer,"
the man says. "You killed. That slayed me. Funny, funny shit.
I'm dying here." The clapping man leans on a chair and breathes
heavily as he hands the funny man a card. "You've cracked the
code. You just need a 'thing' now. That's the clincher. A thing.
The arrow through the head, the inf lated surgical glove, watermelons
and sledgehammers, crazy hair, screeching, turtlenecks,
obesity, something. Call me when you get one," he says. "I'll take
you places."
The funny man looks down at the card as he massages the
back of his own neck. The other hopeful funny men lounging
around the broken-down couches sucking on beers and smoking
themselves into early graves look at him with deep and intractable
loathing. Talent Agent the card says, with a number below.
"Where?" he asks, looking up, but the man has already left. On
the way home he rolls this word around his head: Talent. "I have
talent," he thinks. "Talent talent talent."
From the Hardcover edition.
Meet the Author
John Warner is the managing editor of McSweeney's Internet Tendency. His book, My First Presidentiary: A Scrapbook of George W. Bush (with Kevin Guilfoile) was a number one Washington Post bestseller. John is also the editor of three volumes of material culled from the website, Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans; Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists; and The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes. Warner teaches at Clemson University in South Carolina and is a consulting editor to the South Carolina Review.
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John Warner's debut novel THE FUNNY MAN is an interesting tale about an average comic in an average city who hits the big time with a gimmick that suddenly the public can't live without. Unfortunately, he can't really live WITH it, and as his fame skyrockets his life completely unravels. He is poor and in love and grounded before fame, and rich and alone and possibly insane after. If this were just another "fall from grace" story it would be totally unremarkable. However, the author employs two completely different styles in the story, using both third person and first person to tell the story. The third person portions are more narrative, describing what is actually happening. The first person parts are describing what the hero THINKS is happening, which as the story moves on separates more and more from reality. But the genius in the story telling is that the two stories dovetail in a way that the reader can never be sure that what's happening in the "funny man's" head (we never learn his name) ISN'T reality. It's reality to him, to be sure, and Warner's style is convincing enough that the reader is wondering, "Am I reading tragedy, fantasy, comedy, or something in between?" I will admit that the book caught my eye because I was looking for something light and funny. This didn't really fit that bill, but there were definitely some (darkly) funny moments. It was definitely entertaining, just not humorous. Plenty of profanity, so for those who don't like their curse words spelled out, this may not be for you.
Not funny!!!!!!!


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Nike has been lacing its Hyperdunk 2011 with a variety of fresh colorways already this year. So far, the lack of an NBA season hasn't hurt basketball sneaker sales like some had predicted, which equates to the continual re-ups. This particular Hyperdunk sees an enticing combination of Treasure Blue and Sport Red throughout, while the standout feature is the camouflage print on the ankle collar. If the season does happen, you can expect to see these being worn with Los Angeles Clipper unis. Hit up Nike Store to purchase for $135. What up, Blake?
Kicks of the Day: Nike Zoom Hyperdunk 2011 "Treasure Blue/White-Sport Red"
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I would like the event title to appear above the event start time. Possible?
I would like the event title to appear above the event start time. Possible?
I am also looking for the answer on how to do this ?
Hi all,
As mentioned in our sticky thread (http://wordpress.org/support/topic/welcome-the-events-calendar-users-read-this-first), we unfortunately are unable to help with with customization, styling or integration issues not caused by bugs with The Events Calendar. You have a few options:
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3. Purchase a Pro license to get more support: http://tri.be/shop/wordpress-events-calendar-pro/. As mentioned in the sticky thread, we can provide both a deeper and more frequent level of support for PRO users.
I hope that helps and good luck!
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Knit up a little luxury with Venezia, an opulent, yet well-priced, wool/silk blend from Cascade Yarn! These 60 easy, elegant designs for a wide range of accessories include a Buttoned Cable Cowl, Lacy Layered Hat, Diamond Lattice Scarf, Soutache Capelet, Smocked Belt, Geometric Mitts, and Fringed Handbag. A fantastic addition to a bestselling series. Softcover, 176 pages; Sixth & Spring
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needs help
By Sheila
from Escondido, CA
Best Uses
I'm an experienced knitter and this book has exasperated me! I have trouble interpreting the instructions and several patterns have errata and I've found additional. Different patterns but unless you are a really experienced knitter, there are few quick or easy patterns (for the most part) in this book. I contacted both the publisher and Cascade. Never did hear back from Cascade.
Bottom Line No, I would not recommend this to a friend
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Complaint Review: Cdn.Mail Order Exchange
Cdn.Mail Order ExchangeDept 721-109,box 739 Hawkesbury,, Ontario Canada
Cdn.Mail Order Exchange ripoff Hawkesbury Ontario
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The other item was a Portable Blood Pressure Monitor $59.95. My cheque was cashed on May 18 2004, two bank stamps on back 1 montreal bank, Montreal Quebec, also the Royal Bank Montreal Quebec. There is an account number also but that is probably closed. Very disappointed as this is the first time I ever ordered something from a catalog throught the mail service.
calgary, Alberta
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This report was posted on Ripoff Report on 08/15/2004 09:41 PM and is a permanent record located here: http://www.ripoffreport.com/r/CdnMail-Order-Exchange/Hawkesbury-Ontario-k6a2c8/CdnMail-Order-Exchange-ripoff-Hawkesbury-Ontario-103797. The posting time indicated is Arizona local time. Arizona does not observe daylight savings so the post time may be Mountain or Pacific depending on the time of year.
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Brined Rack of Pork
Tender and juicy brined rack of pork makes a beautiful presentation on a holiday dinner table.
Earlier this week, I mentioned the amazing pork deals that Costco is running in honor of National Pork Month. Where now thru October 30 you can save $2.50 on a Rack of Pork. When you're cooking for a crowd, the pork rib roast is a real people-pleaser with that extra "wow" factor. It makes a delicious "cook once, eat twice" solution to weekly meal planning.
We cook a lot of pork in our house, but I had never cooked a rack of pork. I actually couldn't recall ever even seeing it in the store. Then I discovered that rack of pork is not sold year round. It's only in stores now thru mid-January – during the holiday season.
I have to be honest, when I was asked by great people at The Motherhood on behalf of the Pork Board and Costco to come up with a recipe using a rack of pork, I was a bit intimidated. But after doing a little research and help from some friends, I actually discovered it was pretty easy and certainly would make a great impression on a holiday dinner table or special occasion.
Have you ever brined meat? If you haven't, you don't know what juicy and tender is all about! We like to grill most of our meat, but pork has a tenancy to dry out if not cooked properly. So I decided this roast would be the perfect candidate to brine! It does require a little more planning than grilling so be sure to read over all of the directions before jumping in! Plan on at least 12 hours for brining overnight, with 24 hours being optimal, but not a must. Trust me, it's easy and so worth the time!
What is brining?
Brining is similar to marinating, in the fact that they both soak in a liquid for a period of time. But unlike marinate, brining actually hydrates the meat. Resulting in extra tender juicy meat.
The most important ingredient is salt, along with water and sugar, after that you can add any herbs/flavorings to your liking. You will also need a vessel large enough for your meat and enough liquid to fully cover the meat. I don't have a pot that large, and I love the Hefty 2.5 gallon zipper bags, one of them worked perfectly!
First you want to bring your salt, water, sugar and herbs to a boil (recipe below). Then cool completely.
Hint: My recipe calls for water and apple cider. I only boiled the water with the seasonings, then added cold apple cider to help cool it down quicker
Next, place cooled brine and roast in a large pot or Hefty bag (make sure it's large enough to cover meat with brine)
place brine and meat in refrigerator for at least 12 hours, but no more than 24 hours. (I did mine for 18 hours)
Now that you have brined your pork you're ready to cook it – I chose to cook it on our gas grill, because I love cooking on our Weber grill all year long.
Remove meat from brine and pat dry with paper towel
Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil in large saute pan over high heat. Season roast with seasoned salt, garlic salt and pepper. Braise both sides until golden brown, about 5- 6 minutes.
Place roast on preheated grill over indirect medium heat and continuing cooking to internal temperature of 145° on an instant read thermometer (mine took about an hour for a 5 pound roast) *Note: I should have covered the bones with foil so they wouldn't turn black, but I forgot. It's not necessary to do, but if the black bones bother you, then just wrap a little foil around each tip
Remove from grill and let rest, loosely tented with foil for about 10 minutes.
Cut pork into chops to serve and enjoy!
Suggested Show Stopping Sides:
Steamed Green Beans and Bacon
Wild Rice Stuffing with Cranberries, Bacon and Pecans (recipe coming soon)
Spiced Maple Roasted Apples and Squash
Apple-Fennel Salad with Pecans and Pomegranate
For other great recipes check out Costco's In The Warehouse site and The National Pork Board's site, PorkBeInspired.com.
Win It– One lucky TidyMom reader will win a Costco Pork Kit {includes: $25 Costco Cash, a digital instant-read thermometer, and helpful pork tips and information.}
THIS GIVEAWAY HAS ENDED. Congrats to #170 Cara
Required Entry:
Leave a comment on this post telling me about your favorite pork recipe, or what your family serves for holiday dinners.
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Official Rules: No purchase necessary. Giveaway will end on November 1, 2011 at 5 pm CST. One winner with a valid entry will be selected at random using random.org. I will email the winner and they will have 48 hours to claim their prize or another winner will be selected.
- 4 cups water
- 1 cup kosher salt
- 1 cup brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon black peppercorns
- 3 bay leaves
- 6 sprigs fresh thyme
- 3-4 cloves garlic
- 1 whole branch fresh Rosemary
- pinch of ground cloves
- 1/2 gallon apple cider
- Bring water, salt, sugar, peppercorns, bay leaves, thyme, garlic, rosemary, and cloves to a simmer in a large stock pot and cook until the sugar and salt have dissolved.
- Remove from heat and add cold apple cider. Let sit until brine is room temperature.
- Submerge the roast in the brine (in pot with lid or in large 2.5 gallon zipper bag).
- Refrigerate for at least 12 hour, and up to 24 hours (but no more).
Come join the fun at the My Baking Addiction and GoodLife Eats Holiday Recipe Swap sponsored by Shenandoah Growers Organic Fresh Herbs
This post was sponsored by National Pork Board, Costco and The Motherhood to promoted National Pork Month. All opinions expressed, and my love of pork are all my own.
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217 comments
I follow on Facebook!
I shared this article on facebook.
I cook a lot of pork too, but haven't tried it brined-so yeah, i'm loving the recipe.
And my favorite pork recipe is stuffed pork chops.
My favorite pork recipe is chile verde with my homemade tomatillo salsa!
My favorite pork recipe is sweet and sour pork. Just typing that out right now makes me wish that it was on the menu for dinner tonight. 🙂
I like to take a rack of ribs and dump bbq sauce on it and put it the grill in the back yard with some chunks of wood from our old cherry tree for some great smokey flavor.
My favorite Pork recipe is this tasty dish I grew up eatting called Pineapple Pork Chops. Iz so yummy 🙂
I'm sharing this post on Facebook
My favorite pork recipe is pulled pork.
I follow you on Facebook. I have also "liked" this post.
My favorite pork item to eat during the holidays is a Honeybaked Ham…..others may attempt to be as good as the Honeybaked brand, but Honeybaked is our family favorite.
I love pork tenderloins — grilled, baked, sliced and sauteed, etc. So many delicious and FAST ways to prepare. YUM!
My favorite pork recipe is apricot pork. You glaze the pork in apricot jam while you bake it in the oven,
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I love to cook a pouk tendenloin in the crock pot with bar-b-ques sauce and serve on Hawaiian Rolls.
My favorite pork recipe is pork tenderloin roasted in the oven with onions and sweet potatoes chopped with tyme….. mmmmm
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$5.99In Michelle Gagnon's debut YA thriller, Don't Turn Around, computer hacker Noa Torson is as smart, tough, and complex as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo's Lisbeth Salander. The first in a trilogy, Don't Turn Around's intricate plot and heart-pounding action will leave readers desperate for book two. Sixteen-year-old Noa has been a victim of the system ever since her parents died. Now living off
$2.24When the world's foremost kidnap and ransom negotiator is snatched by a ruthless drug cartel, Jake Riley becomes ensnared in the effort to save him. But he's up against Los Zetas, an elite paramilitary organization renowned for its ferocity and skill. Now he and his colleagues must navigate the dark underbelly of Mexico, from raging street wars to perilous jungles, in an effort to rescue him
$9.99In this pulse-pounding final installment of the Don't Turn Around trilogy, which Kirkus Reviews called "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for teens, a surefire hit," Noa and Peter race across the country in their search to destroy Project Persephone before time runs out.Noa Torson is out of options. On the run with the three remaining teens of Persephone's Army, she is up against immeasurable odds.
$8.99This follow-up to the critically acclaimed Don't Turn Around—which Kirkus Reviews called "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for teens, a surefire hit"—raises the stakes to their absolute limit and will leave readers begging for the exciting conclusion. Having outsmarted the sinister Project Persephone, Noa and her friend Zeke are on the run again, moving across the country, protecting runaways
$10.99After losing her parents in a tragic accident, surfer girl Janie Mason is forced to trade the sunny beaches of Hawaii for the cold fog of San Francisco. She's never even met her new guardians, the Rochesters—an old money family who relish being pillars of high society. Janie feels hopelessly out of place in their world of Napa weekends, fancy prep schools, and cotillions. Nicholas is the only
$8.9917-year-old Sophie lies on her deathbed in California, awaiting the inevitable loss of her battle with cancer… 17-year-old Declan stares down two armed thugs in a back alley in Galway, Ireland… 17-year-old Anat attempts to traverse a booby-trapped tunnel between Israel and Egypt… All three strangers should have died at the exact same moment, thousands of miles apart. Instead, they awaken
$4.99From the moment sixteen-year-old Madison Grant is abducted, an unthinkable terrorist plot is set in motion--pitting Special Agent Kelly Jones against her most powerful adversary yet. The kidnapper's ransom demands aren't monetary...they come at a cost that no American can afford to pay.As Kelly's fiancé, Jake Riley, races to find Madison, Kelly is assigned to another disturbing case: the murder
$0.99Gritty and heart-stopping, this short story from break-out author Michelle Gagnon also features a teaser to her thrilling debut young-adult novel, Don't Turn Around.Seventeen-year-old Alex might be living day-to-day on whatever he can steal, but he still prefers being on the run to getting caught and thrown back in juvie. Plus, he has Jenny to think of. She comes with her own world of problems,
FreeFirst memory. First kiss. First love. First fight. First heartbreak. There's a first time for everything. Discover five first-time authors with sneak peeks of their debut novels—Don't Turn Around by Michelle Gagnon, Breathe by Sarah Crossan, What's Left of Me by Kat Zhang, Through to You by Emily Hainsworth, and Defiance by C. J. Redwine.
A Taylor Jackson Novel (Book 5)"WHAT LIES BEHIND grabs you by the throat and doesn't let go. Ellison is a great talent—enjoy." —Catherine Coulter, # 1 New York Times bestselling author Revisit book five in J.T. Ellison's heart-racing, fan-favorite Taylor Jackson series!It is Samhain—the Blood Harvest. Nonbelievers call it Hallowe'en. The night when eight Nashville teenagers are found dead, with occult symbols
$3.99Perfect for fans of Sara Shepard's The Lying Game series, Kiersten White's Mind Games, a novel about two sisters trapped in a web of deceit, was called "lightning fast and fabulously fun" by bestselling author Laini Taylor.Fia and Annie are as close as two sisters can be. They look out for each other. Protect each other. And most importantly, they keep each other's secrets, even the most dangerous


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Flood wreaks havoc on Capital Region property tax reassessments
Add property tax reassessments to the growing list of problems caused by last week's historic flood.
By state law, parish assessors must reassess all properties that sustained flood damage. Though there's no deadline by which the new assessments must be done, property tax bills typically go out in early December, which leaves local assessors precious little time.
It's a particularly daunting task for Livingston Parish Assessor Jeff Taylor. An estimated 80% of properties in the parish flooded, and in the commercial hub of Denham Springs some 90% of homes and businesses were under water.
Taylor is scrambling to find money to help farm out some of the reassessment work, which will be costly and time consuming—not only because of the volume of properties that need to be inspected but because of the differentiation among flood levels.
"I got 15 inches of water in my home. My neighbor across the street got six feet," Taylor says. "So we're not going to be able to look at a flood map and apply a blanket number to a given neighborhood or subdivision. We're going to really have to look at every house."
It's important to be meticulous in order to create an accurate tax roll, Taylor says.
In East Baton Rouge Parish, where an estimated 53,000 homes and 3,800 businesses flooded, Assessor Brian Wilson is in the process of trying to figure out how best to proceed with the reassessment. He says he doesn't have adequate manpower in his office so he is looking to hire a third-party firm.
"We're kind of in a planning mode at this point and trying to get our ducks in a row," he says. "This is unprecedented for this area, so we're just trying to get the ball rolling."
While it's not clear how or when the reassessments will get done, what is certain is that the value of flood-damaged properties will decrease, though millage rates will stay the same. For the owners of flooded properties, that will mean a much-needed break on their property tax bills. For the local governments, libraries, fire departments and school systems that rely on the revenues generated by those property taxes, it will be a big blow.
"Those districts that rely on tax millages are going to be without a huge source of their revenue," Taylor says. "Most of them were already strapped for funds. How much more now will they be strapped?"
BREC is among the agencies in East Baton Rouge Parish that receives millages. Last year, the agency's 14.4-mill property tax generated about $52 million. BREC Superintendent Carolyn McKnight says she is concerned about the decreased revenue, especially because BREC has several facilities in its system that sustained flood damage. However, there's not much she can do about it at this point except plan for belt tightening.
"My focus is to make sure we are operating as efficiently as we can," she says. "We'll do whatever we need to do."
—Stephanie Riegel


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This shoulder pad set new performance standards for "high school" shoulder pads when it was introduced last year. It looks like a pro pad and has professional level features, but they're wrapped in a shoulder pad for young players. At an affordable price. And this year, it's even better as the XV now has a Non-Epaulet model.
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The 3-point Belt System pulls the arch closer to the body while providing maximum range of motion
Deltoid & Scapula pads provide additional protection. You can easily remove them with a couple of screws for added range of motion.
This product is treated with AEGIS Microbe Shield, and antimicrobial, which acts to resist the development of bacterial odors in our product.
Stainless Steel Hardware
Don't worry about rust, as the entire pad features stainless steel hardware and rivets for maximum durability, saving you money in the long run on unnecessary replacement parts.
The flat pad design has no cantilever giving it a lower profile that allows maximum mobility and range of motion.
The body cushion can be removed, washed, and air dried so you can keep a clean pad throughout the year
Four unique arch designs are made for every position on the feel that cater to the player's position and distinctive needs.
Pre-Drilled Accessories Hook-Up
Pre-drilled holes allow easy hook-up for optional accessories such as a back-plate, Rib Protector or neck Roll.
Adjustable C-Channels bring the pad off of the A/C Joint eliminating the change of direct impact while helping disperse the energy over a wider area. This design provides maximum mobility while reducing the chance of shoulder injury.
Additional Features
On all models of XV Flex™ shoulder pads, you'll also find the following features and benefits:
1) Ventilated arch and sub-arch, to increase air flow
2) 2-Point Belt and harness system
3) Aero-Dry™ spacer fabric that's light and durable
4) Stainless Steel Hardware
5) Non cantilever design for a very low profile, flat pad
Size Shoulder Width Chest
Small 16-17" 34-36"
Medium 17-18" 38-40"
Large 18-19" 42-44"
X-Large 19-20" 46-48"
2X-Large 20-21" 48-50"
3X-Large 21-22" 50-52"
|This Item Usually Leaves The Warehouse In
|3 to 5 Business Days
|Estimated Delivery Time Map - Based on Your Shipping Zones
|Manufactured By
The Football Shoulder Pads Collection
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