text:
By Eugene J. Boesch
A. Antecedents to the Wappinger: Prehistoric Native American
Cultures in the Putnam County Vicinity
The prehistory of the Putnam County region encompasses the PaleoIndian, Archaic, Transitional, and Woodland periods. The PaleoIndian period (10,000 - 8,000 B.C.) is the time humans first came to the southeastern New York region. The Archaic (8,000 - 1,700 BC) refers to a time prior to the introduction of horticulture and pottery manufacture and is divided into Early, Middle, and Late periods. The Transitional period (1,700 - 1,000 BC) witnessed a gradual change in Archaic lifestyles with the development of "Woodland" period traits. The Woodland period (1,000 BC - AD 1,600), which is characterized by the use of pottery and reliance on horticulture, is divided into Early, Middle, and Late periods.
The PaleoIndian period corresponds with the end of the Wisconsin glaciation. Sea levels were lower during this period and the subsequent Early Archaic period due to sea water being trapped in the remaining glacial ice. Local forests consisted primarily of spruce and fir with small amounts of oak and other deciduous species (Snow 1980). Many faunal species now extinct or no longer native to the area were present. These included mammoth, mastodont, caribou, giant beaver, elk, moose, and peccary (Hartnagel 1922). Remains of extinct fauna that have been found in the study area vicinity include mastodont remains recovered from a swamp on the western shore of Lake Kitchawan in the Town of Pound Ridge (Wiegand 1990:2). Fragments of a Jefferson's mammoth skeleton were found in Westchester County near the intersection of New York Route 134 and the Taconic Parkway in a peatbog during the course of road construction in 1961 (Drumm 1963:13). The find was the first Jefferson's mammoth found in New York and remains the only mammoth recorded from the southeastern New York area.
Little is known about cultural activities during the PaleoIndian period although it is generally accepted that the region was first inhabited by humans at approximately 8,000 BC (Funk 1972, 1976; Ritchie 1980). Population density was very sparse. However, a number of different types of sites, where different activities were occurring, have been identified based. The conclusion that different activities were occurring at different sites is based upon the variety of stone tools and other artifacts recovered from each site and their environmental setting. Identified site types include base camps, quarry workshops, rockshelter habitations, open air hunting camps, kill and butchering sites, and other temporary camps (Funk 1972).
A small number of undisturbed PaleoIndian sites have been recorded in the southeastern New York area. The closest to Putnam County is the Piping Rock site located on a terrace along the Hudson River shoreline in the Village of Ossining (Funk 1976:206; Brennan 1977). Other PaleoIndian sites have been found in the region on Staten Island (Port Socony North and South sites, Cutting site, Kreischerville, Charleston Beach see Boesch 1994) and in Orange County (Dutchess Quarry Cave see Funk 1976:206). Most evidence for PaleoIndian activity, however, comes from scattered surface finds of Clovis Fluted points, a diagnostic PaleoIndian artifact (Funk 1976:205). The nearest known indications of PaleoIndian activity to Putnam County are the fluted projectile points and other PaleoIndian associated artifacts recovered from terraces along the Rippowam River in Pound Ridge (Wiegand 1989:XII.F4). A Clovis Fluted Point also was recovered in the City of White Plains during work around the foundation of the Historic Period Purdy House.
During the Archaic period (8,000 - 1,700 BC), the environment changed from a pine dominated forest to an increasingly deciduous one which achieved an essentially modern character by 2,000 BC (Salwen 1975). While Archaic cultures were adapted to life in the forests with individuals eating a varied diet based on the seasonal exploitation of various animal and plant species (Ritchie and Funk 1973). In the lower Hudson Valley and Long Island Sound area, oyster became a major part of the diet, at least seasonally, during this period (Brennan 1977).
Population growth throughout the period resulted in an increase in both site density and the number of functional site types represented in the archaeological record. Site types recognized for this period include spring fishing camps along major streams, fall open air hunting camps, rockshelter habitations, shellfish collecting and processing/cooking stations, burial sites, quarry and workshop sites were stone tools were manufactured, and villages occupied for a portion of the year (Brennan 1974; Wiegand 1980, 1983). Most Archaic sites are small and contain evidence of later cultures living in the same area, lack traces of substantial dwellings or houses, fortifications, storage pits, and graves (Ritchie 1980:32 and 35). The term multicomponent means that an archaeological site contains evidence of more than one culture having lived there.
In the Putnam County vicinity, the range of reported site types associated with the Archaic period is limited to rockshelters in the Armonk area, shellfishing stations along the Hudson River and Long Island Sound shore, and possibly small, temporary food gathering (subsistence) camps in the interior (Harrington 1909, Skinner 1919a, 1919b, 1920, 1932; Levine 1978; Truex 1982; Boesch 1995). One area camp site, the Athena site located on a terrace along the shoreline of Lake Kitchawan, has been dated by radiocarbon analysis of charcoal from a hearth feature to 2,360 BC (Wiegand 1978). Late Archaic materials were also recovered from the Primrose site, the Somers Golf Course site, and from the PepsiCo property in Somers (Lenik 1989; Wiegand 1990) and from the Spy Rockshelter in Ward Pound Ridge Reservation (Shoumatoff and Hobbs 1975). Artifacts dating to the Archaic period have been found on terraces overlooking the West Branch Reservoir in the Town of Carmel (Grossman and Boesch 1996) and the Muscoot Reservoir in the Town of North Salem (Kelly 1995).
Sites dating to the Transitional period (1,000 - 1,700 BC) are most frequently found along the coast and major waterways (Funk 1976; Vargo and Vargo 1983) although smaller sites are known from inland (Funk 1976; Vargo and Vargo 1983). New projectile point types appeared during this period as did the use, during the latter half, of vessels or pots made from soapstone.
In the Putnam County vicinity the range of reported site types associated with this period is limited, primarily, to shellfishing stations and rockshelters along the Hudson River shore (Skinner 1920, 1932). Inland sites also are known. A soapstone vessel fragment has been found in the vicinity of the Cross River Reservoir and other diagnostic Transitional period artifacts have been recovered along shoreline terraces of Lake Kitchawan (Wiegand 1989: XII.F7). Orient Fishtail projectile points, used by Transitional period cultures, have been recovered from the Hunter Brook Rockshelter site situated within a tributary valley of the East Branch of the Croton River.
During the Early Woodland period (1,000 BC AD 1) the use of fired clay ceramic vessels gradually replaced the use of soapstone vessels. Diet included a continuation of the hunting, gathering, and fishing of the Archaic period but was supplemented by an increase in shellfish collecting. It has been suggested that this indicates a trend towards more permanent villages with individuals living in the same place year round (Funk 1976; Snow 1980).
Most Early Woodland sites in southeastern New York are located along the Hudson River or its major tributaries, or along the East River/Long Island Sound Shore (Funk 1976). Inland campsites, however, are also known. The closest documented site with an Early Woodland component to Putnam County is the previously mentioned Athena site (Wiegand 1978).
The Middle Woodland period (AD 1 900) witnessed a gradual change to a more sedentary lifestyle. There has been speculation that domestication of various plants occurred during this period (Ritchie and Funk 1973). Most Middle Woodland sites are located along the Hudson River and its major tributaries although smaller inland sites also have been recognized (Parker 1922; Ritchie 1980).
By Late Woodland times (AD 900 1,600) horticulture was the primary subsistence base and permanent villages existed. Use was still made, however, of temporary and special purpose campsites (Snow 1980). Most Late Woodland sites are located along the Hudson River, its major tributaries, and the Long Island Sound shore although smaller of inland sites also have been recognized (Skinner 1919a, 1919b; Bolton 1922; Parker 1922; Funk 1976; Levine 1978; Truex 1982).
The Late Woodland period in the lower reaches of the Hudson River and coastal New York includes the Windsor and East River Traditions. These cultures are defined on the basis of ceramic typologies (Smith 1950). The Windsor Tradition is restricted to areas around coastal New York. East River culture is divided into an earlier Bowman's Brook Phase and a later Clason's Point Phase. Evidence of these cultures has been reported at least as far up the Hudson River Valley as the Bear Mountain Bridge area and along the Long Island Sound shore as far as southwestern Connecticut (Funk 1976:173183; Ritchie 1980:270).
B. Native American European Contact Period
The documentary history of the Putnam County vicinity begins with the information recorded by early traders and settlers concerning the Native American groups who occupied the area when Europeans first arrived in the early seventeenth century. This era is generally referred to as the Contact period (AD 1600 c. 1750), the time of the first large scale interactions between Native Americans and European colonists.
By the latter part of the Late Woodland period Native American cultures began to resemble those of groups that were encountered by seventeenth century Europeans. At this time Native Americans of the lower Hudson Valley region were part of the widespread Algonquian cultural and linguistic stock. Specifically, they were a group of Munsee speakers who migrated into southeastern New York and southwestern Connecticut during Late Woodland times (Goddard 1978a, 1978b; Salwen 1978; Solomon 1982). Their descendants were known collectively as the Wappinger. This group included the Putnam County Native Americans encountered by European settlers (Cook 1976:7374). The Wappinger also occupied much of present day Westchester, Dutchess, the Bronx, and New York Counties and southwestern Connecticut.
The Putnam Westchester County area was reportedly known to the Wappinger as "Laaphawachking" (Bolton 1848; Beauchamp 1907). The name reportedly translates as the "place of stringing" (Lederer 1978:79) which apparently refers to Native American wampum manufacturing that occurred in the area (Lederer 1978:79). Northern Carmel was reportedly known by local Native Americans during the Contact Period as "Pechgachgoch" (Pelletreau 1886). No translation of this term is recorded. The area to the south, around the Croton River in the vicinity of the Carmel Somers border, was reportedly referred to by seventeenth century Native Americans as "Appamaghpogh" which reportedly has been corrupted into the present term "Amawalk." According to Lederer (1978:10), this aboriginal term roughly translates as "where the cattails used for covering lodges grew." This term probably referred to the wetlands formerly present in the valley bottoms and floodplains of the various branches of the Croton River.
The origin of the name Wappinger is unclear. Pelletreau (1886) states that the name translates roughly as "east of the river" although Salomon (1982:85) feels that it may be derived from the Algonquian word "wapinkw" or "woapink" meaning opossum.
In political terms the Wappinger were divided into seven (Bolton 1975:4) or nine (Ruttenber 1872) main groups or chieftaincies and numerous subgroups and bands. These were the Siwanoy, Kitchawanc, Wechquaesgeek, Rechgawawank, SintSink, Nochpeem, Wappinger, Tankiteke, and Uncowa. To the Dutch and English, the majority of the groups were known collectively as the River Indians. Regionally, the Wappinger Confederacy was loosely allied with the Mahikan Confederacy found to the north (Bolton 1975:4).
The total population of the Wappinger Confederacy has been estimated at about 13,200 individuals at the beginning of European contact (Cook 1976:74). Their settlements included camps along the major rivers with larger villages located at the river mouths (MacCracken 1956:266). Despite references to villages and other site types by early European explorers and settlers, few Contact period sites have been identified in southeastern New York (Funk 1976).
Robert Juet, an officer on the "Half Moon", provides an account in his journal of some of the lower Hudson Valley Native Americans. In his entries for September 4th and 5th, 1609, he states:
"This day the people of the country came aboord of us, seeming very glad of our comming, and brought greene tobacco, and gave us of it for knives and beads. They goe in deere skins loose, well dressed. They have yellow copper. They desire cloathes, and are very civill.
They have great store of maize or Indian wheate whereof they make good bread. The country is full of great and tall oakes.
This day [September 5, 1609] many of the people came aboord, some in mantles of feathers, and some in skinnes of divers sorts of good furres. Some women also came to us with hempe. They had red copper tabacco pipes and other things of copper they did wear about their neckes. At night they went on land againe, so wee rode very quite, but durst not trust them" (Juet 1959:28).
David Pieterz De Vries (Murphy 1853:154155) recorded another description of the Wappinger who resided around Fort Amsterdam:
"The Indians about here are tolerably stout, have black hair with a long, lock which they let hang on one side of the head. Their hair is shorn on the top of the head like a cock'scomb. Their clothing is a coat of beaver skins over the body, with the fur inside in winter and outside in summer; they have, also, sometimes a bear's hide, or a coat of the skins of wild cats, or hefspanen [probably raccoon], which is an animal most as hairy as a wild cat, and is also very good to eat. They also wear coats of turkey feathers, which they know how to put together.
Their pride is to paint their faces strangely with red or black lead, so that they look like fiends. Some of the women are very well featured, having long countenances. Their hair hangs loose from their head; they are very foul and dirty; they sometimes paint their faces, and draw a black ring around their eyes."
The Wappinger group traditionally associated with Putnam County were the Nochpeem (Ruttenber 1872:80; Hodge 1910:II:79; Cook 1976:71), also referred to as the Canopus (Salomon 1982:80). Unfortunately, little information concerning them is recorded.
The name "Nochpeem" first appears in the 1644 treaty which ended a two year period of hostilities, known as Kieft's War, between the Dutch and lower Hudson Valley Native American groups. The Nochpeem reportedly took an active part in that conflict, including the confinement of most of the European prisoners taken by the Native Americans (Fisher n.d.:2).
Traditionally, the Nochpeem were located in the Hudson Highlands on the east side of the Hudson River "in the wild mountain region of [present day] Putnam County" (Bolton 1975:4). The extent of their territorial control appears to have extended from the vicinity of Anthony's Nose on the south to Matteawan Creek (Fishkill Creek) on the north and eastward to include most if not all of Putnam County (Pelletreau 1886:67).
A principal village of the Nochpeem reportedly was located in the valley now known as Canopus Hollow with another settlement located in what is now the eastern portion of the Town of Putnam Valley (Ruttenber 1872:8081). Three other villages, referred to as Keskistkonck, Nochpeem, and Pasquasheck, were also reportedly associated with the group (Ruttenber 1872:80; Hodge 1910:I:676; Swanton 1952:68). These villages are shown on the Janssonius Visscher Map of Nova Belgica and/or Nieu Nederlandt first published in 1650, which shows Dutch North American land claims from Cape Malabare (Cape Cod) to the Delaware capes (Jameson 1909:294; Gekle 1982:27).
Other scholars, however, restrict the Nochpeem to the region of Putnam County around the Hudson River (Cook 1976). Ruttenber (1872:80) states that it is not impossible that the eastern portion of the Hudson Highlands were part of the traditional lands of the Tankitekes, another main division of the Wappinger. Bolton (1975:5) is more specific, offering the possibility that it was the Pachami, a subgroup of the Tankiteke, which inhabited the "wild interior country around Ridgefield, Danbury, North Salem, and Carmel." He bases this idea on an unidentified 1660 map of the region that locates the "Pachami" within a broad portion of northern Westchester and Putnam Counties (Bolton 1975:24). The map Bolton is referring to is probably the JanssoniusVisscher map. De Laet in 1615 also identifies "a nation of savages called Pachami" as dwelling on the east bank of Fisher's Reach which is the portion of the Hudson River bordering what is now Putnam County (Jameson 1909:46).
During the period of European Contact, it is possible, if not probable, that portions of Putnam County were a boundary zone between the Nochpeem and Tankitekes/Pachami. If so, traditional Native American rights to the area must have been vague, duel, or shifting and probably misunderstood by the Europeans. This is especially indicated by the fact that the Tankiteke sold much of their land to Nathaniel Turner, representing the people of New Haven, in 1641 relatively early in the Contact period and thenceforth disappear from the historical record (Ruttenber 1872:80). With that sale, the Tankiteke may have merged with surrounding Native American groups and the Nochpeem may have extended their control into what had been Tankiteke territory.
Problems and conflicts during the seventeenth century between the aboriginals of the lower Hudson Valley area and the Dutch and English resulted in the deaths of large numbers of Native Americans (Washburn 1978). In a single tragic event occurring in February of 1644, an estimated 500 to 700 individuals traditionally thought mainly to be members of the Siwanoy and Wechquaesgeek groups of the Wappinger Confederacy were slaughtered by the Dutch under Captain John Underhill. The slaughter occurred at a winter village of the Natives. The exact former location of the village is uncertain but is thought to now be part of Pound Ridge or Bedford although other locations have been proposed.
The introduction of European diseases such as smallpox further devastated the local Native American populations. During the early period of European contact, the populations of the Nochpeem and Tankiteke have been estimated at approximately 600 individuals each (Cook 1976:6971). By the year 1700, the population of the entire Wappinger Confederacy has been estimated to have been reduced to approximately 1,000 individuals (MacCracken 1956:266). In 1774, the entire Native American population on both sides of the Hudson River was estimated at 300 individuals with only a small number of these people inhabiting the northern Westchester Putnam County region (Pelletreau 1886:68)
C. Daniel Nimham and Putnam County's Native Americans in the Eighteenth
Despite the hardships endured by the Native Americans during the seventeenth century, Blake (1849) claims that Wappinger groups still occupied considerable portions of Putnam County during the years 1680 1730. The Wappinger felt that they still legally owned the easternmost three quarters of what is now Putnam County since, in their view, the area was not included in a 1691 sale of their land. Although references by travelers through the Putnam Dutchess County area during the mid to late 17th century, such as those by Robert Juet (1959) and Jasper Danckaerts (Danckaerts and Sluyter 1867) are known, it was not until the 1680's that EuroAmericans began to enter the region and live in its forests and mountains.
These first arrivals were transients and squatters who possessed no deeds to the land they settled (Reynolds 1929:318). Two such men, Jan Roelof Sybrandt and Lambert Dorlandt, acquired land along the east shore of the Hudson River in 1691 from the local Wappinger (Pelletreau 1886:10). The acquisition extended from Anthony's Nose (Bear Mountain Bridge) northward to Polipel Island with no eastern boundary established (MacCracken 1956:52). Sybrandt and Dorlandt never received an official patent for this land and the lack of a recognized eastern boundary to the purchase subsequently created confusion as to actual ownership rights to most of what is now Putnam County.
Subsequently, Sybrandt and Dorlandt, in a deed dated June 16th, 1697, sold all rights to their purchase to Adolph Philipse, a New York City merchant and son of the first lord of the manor of Philipsburg (Pelletreau 1886:12; MacCracken 1956:52). The following day an official patent was obtained for the purchase by Philipse from the Governor General of New York, Benjamin Fletcher. Due to the legal questions concerning Sybrandt and Dortlandt's initial purchase of the land from the Native Americans, Philipse negotiated a confirmation deed with local representatives of the remaining Wappinger in 1702 in which the Native Americans renounced title to the land and set the Connecticut line as the patent's eastern border (Smith 1876; Smith 1882). This was apparently done in order to settle the question of Native American land rights (which was not finally settled until the period of the American Revolution) and to keep other New York speculators from laying claim to the area before the colonial assembly. Sometimes these repurchases necessitated another payment for the lands "on the principal that it was easier and safer to pay them [the Indians] another price than to make them understand that the property had passed from one white to another" (Barrett 1886:608).
According to Solomon (1982:57), by the early eighteenth century, Putnam and Dutchess County Wappinger groups had established homes and farms on parts of the land, which they considered not part of the 1691 purchase and rented parcels to tenant farmers. Such control did not last. Although the population of what is now Putnam County was less than 100 individuals during the early eighteenth century, as more Europeans entered the region, land became a valuable commodity resulting in attempts to evict the Indians.
During the French and Indian War (1754-1763), members of the Wappinger fought for the English in Canada. While the men were gone, colonial authorities moved the remaining Indians, mainly women, children, and the elderly, to the Christian Indian mission settlement at Stockbridge, Massachusetts, ostensibly for their protection, for the duration of the war (Fisher n.d.:34). Upon returning from the conflict, the Wappinger who reportedly fought admirably for the English, found their remaining ancestral lands settled and in effect confiscated.
As recourse, in 1765 the Wappinger under the guidance of their sachem, Daniel Nimham, petitioned the New York Common Council and Colonial Courts, filing a claim against three of the great Hudson Valley area land owners, Roger Morris, Beverly Robinson, and Philip Philipse, to recover 204,800 acres of their land (Pelletreau 1886). Philipse presented the confirmatory deed to the area which Adolph Philipse had concluded with local Native Americans in 1702. The Wappinger contended the deed was not valid and demonstrated their prior role as landlord. The defendants employed a team of 15 lawyers in their defense while the Indians by law could not testify in their own behalf (Smith 1882). One settler, Samuel Monroe, attempted to assist the Wappinger but was jailed in order to silence his testimony. Unable to gain satisfaction in the colonial legal system, Nimham and some followers went to England to press their claim and petitioned the Crown (Smith 1876).
The Wappinger claim continued until the American Revolution. Despite their ill treatment at the hands of the colonists or perhaps because of it with the hope of fairer treatment under a new government, Daniel Nimham and scores of his fellow Wappinger fought for the American cause during the American Revolution. They served with George Washington at Valley Forge and later with General Marquis de Lafayette's troops (Murray and Osborn 1976:19). The lawsuit to reclaim their land, as well as all hope for fairer treatment under the Americans, ended in 1778 when Daniel Nimham and 40 to 60 of his fellow Wappinger were killed by Loyalist and British Dragoons in a battle on Cortlandt Ridge near the Yonkers New York City border (Murray and Osborn 1976:19; Solomon 1982:58).
On August 31st, 1778 five hundred Loyalist and British troops under Colonel Simcoe and Lieutenant Colonel Banastre Tarleton advanced towards Woodland Heights in the Bronx, where slightly more than one hundred Americans were posted (Hufeland 1974:260). Fifty to sixty of these American troops were Stockbridge Indians under their "chief" Daniel Nimham. On that August Afternoon, the Natives were positioned south of present day McClean Avenue in Yonkers, near the northeastern corner of Van Cortlandt Park. The remainder of the Americans, Continental troops under Major Stewart and Westchester Volunteers under Captain Daniel Williams, were situated to the north of McClean Avenue (Hadaway 1927:45).
A British column advancing from the east was attacked by the Stockbridge force. A second British column soon struck the Indians from the south. The Indians turned their fire to face this threat. Before the Indians had time to reload, a third column, a troop of British Dragoons under Lieutenant Colonel Tarleton, hit them from the northwest. The Indians were compelled to retreat across descending ground, reportedly Cortlandt Ridge (Hadaway 1927:45) located northeast of what is now the Major Deegan Expressway into an open field, now situated in the northeast portion of Van Cortlandt Park, where they were followed by the British Dragoons. Greatly outnumbered and without the benefit of bayonets, like most of their fellow American troops, the Indians were slaughtered. According to Comfort (1906:23) and Hufeland (1974:260), thirty seven of the fifty Stockbridge Indians, including Daniel Nimham, were killed and two were taken prisoner while Jenkins (1912:303) places the number of Indian dead at seventeen individuals. The other Americans, stationed north of McClean Avenue, also were attacked and dispersed with few casualties. Total losses to the British and Loyalists during this engagement were two men killed and six wounded. The Indians were buried in the "Indian Field", almost where they fell (Jenkins 1912:303; Hufeland 1974:261). "Indian Field" is now part of the northeastern portion of Van Cortlandt Park, west of the present day Major Deegan Expressway.
The deaths of Nimham and his men all but eliminated the Wappinger as a cohesive social group. A remnant of them, however, lived until 1811 near Farmer's Mills (Murray and Osborn 1976:19) in Putnam County.
Barrett, Joseph
1886 "New Castle." In History of Westchester County, New York by J. Thomas Scharf Vol. 2:608628. L.E. Preston and Company, Philadelphia, Pa.
Beauchamp, W.M.
1907 "Aboriginal Place Names of New York." New York State Museum Bulletin No. 108, Albany, New York.
Blake, William J.
1849 The History of Putnam County, New York with an Enumeration of its Towns, Villages, Rivers, Creeks, Lakes, Ponds, Mountains, Hills and Geological Features;Local Traditions; and Short Biographical Sketches of Early Settlers, etc. Baher and Scribner Publishers,New York, New York.
Boesch, Eugene J.
1994 Archaeological Evaluation and Sensitivity Assessment of Staten Island, New York. Submitted to the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission.
1995 Stage II Archaeological Investigation of Zone 3, Area A, IBM Headquarters Office Building Project Area, Town of North Castle, Westchester County, New York. Prepared for Ronald A. Freeman Associates, P.C., Mount Kisco, New York.
Bolton, Reginald Pelham
1922 Indian Paths in the Great Metropolis. Indian Notes and Monographs. Museum of the American Indian, Heye Foundation, New York, New York.
1975 New York City In Indian Possession, 2nd Edition. Museum of the American Indian, Heye Foundation, New York, New York.
Bolton, Robert
1848 History of the County of Westchester From its First Settlement to the Present Time. Vol. I. Published by Alexander S. Gould, New York, New York.
Brennan, Louis A.
1974"The Lower Hudson: A Decade of Shell Middens." Archaeology of Eastern North America 2:8193.
1977 "The Lower Hudson: The Archaic." In Amerinds and their Paleoenvironments in Northeastern North America, Walter S. Newman and Bert Salwen, editors. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, No. 288.
Comfort, Randall
1906 History of Bronx Borough, City of New York. The North Side News Press, New York, New York.
Cook, S.F.
1976 "The Indian Population of New England in the Seventeenth Century." University of California,Publications in Anthropology, Vol. 12. University of California Press, Los Angeles, Ca.
Danckaerts, Jasper and Peter Sluyter
1867 Journal of a Voyage to New York and a Tour in Severalof the American Colonies in 16791680. Long Island Historical Society, Brooklyn, New York. Reprinted Readex Microprint Corporation, 1964.
Drumm, Judith
1963 Mastodons and Mammoths Ice Age Elephants of New York. Educational Leaflet No. 13. The University of the State of New York, the State Education Department, State Museum and Science Service.
Fisher, Floyd
n.d. Our Local Indians The Wappinger Confederacy. Published by the author.
Funk, Robert E.
1972 "Early Man in the Northeast and the Late Glacial Environment". Man in the Northeast 4:739.
1976 "Recent Contributions to Hudson Valley Prehistory." New York State Museum and Science Service Memoir No.22, Albany, New York.
Gekle, William F.
1982 The Lower Reaches of the Hudson River. Wyvern House, Poughkeepsie, New York.
Goddard, Ives
1978a "Eastern Algonquian Languages." Handbook of North American Indians Vol. 15:7077. Smithsonian Institution, Washington, D.C.
1978b "Delaware." Handbook of North American Indians Vol. 15:213239. Smithsonian Institution, Washington, DC
Grossman, Joel W. and Eugene J. Boesch
1996 The Prehistoric and Historic Archaeology of West Branch Dam #1, Carmel, New York: Stage IA/IB Findings and Recommendations. Prepared for John G. Waite Associates, PLLC, Albany, New York.
Hadaway, William (editor)
1927 "The Surprise and Capture of Poundridge on the 2nd of July, 1779 by Lieut. Col. Tarleton with a Biographical Sketch of that Officer." In The McDonald Papers, Part II. Westchester County Historical Society, White Plains, New York.
Harrington, Mark Raymond
1909 "The Rockshelters of Armonk, New York." Anthropological Papers of the American Museum of Natural History 3:125140.
Hartnagel, C.A.
1922 "The Mastodon, Mammoths, and Other Pleistocene Mammals
of New York State." New York State Museum Bulletin 241242.
Hodge, Frederick W. (editor)
1910 "Handbook of American Indians North of Mexico." Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin No. 30, Part III, Smithsonian Press, Washington, DC
Hufeland, Otto
1974 Westchester County During the American Revolution 17751783. Harbor Hill Books, Harrison, New York.
Jameson, J. Franklin
1909 Narratives of New Netherland 16091664. Charles Scribner's Sons, New York.
Jenkins, Stephen
1912 The Story of the Bronx. G.P. Putnam's Sons, New York, New York.
Juet, Robert
1959 The Voyage of the `Half Moon' from 4 April to 7 November, 1609. The New Jersey Historical Society,Newark, New Jersey.
Kelly, Robert
1995 Personal Communication.
Lederer, Richard M. Jr.
1978 The Place Names of Westchester County, New York. Harbor Hill Books, Harrison, New York.
Lenik, Edward
1989 Stage III Archaeological Investigation of the Primrose Site, Town of Somers, Westchester County, New York. Prepared for Kellard and Federico, Mount Kisco, New York.
Levine, Gaynell
1978 "The Coastal Archaeology Reader: Selections from the New York State Archaeological Association Bulletin 19541977." Readings in Long Island Archaeology and Ethnohistory, Vol. III. Suffolk County Archaeological Association.
MacCracken, Henry Noble
1956 Old Dutchess Forever. Hastings House Publishers, New York, New York.
Murphy, Henry C. (translator)
1853 Voyages From Holland to America, AD 1632 to 1644. Written by David Peterson De Vries. New York. Reprinted by Kraus Reprint Co., New York, 1971.
Murray, Jean and Penny Ann Osborn
1976 "Indians Who Lived Here Centuries Ago." In An Historic Biographical Profile of the Town of Kent, Putnam County, New York. Town of Kent Bicentennial Committee,
Town of Kent, New York.
Parker, Arthur C.
1922 "The Archaeological History of New York, Part Two." New York State Museum Bulletin, Nos. 237,238, Albany, New York.
Pelletreau, William
1886 History of Putnam County, New York. William Preston Publishers, Philadelphia, New York.
Reynolds, Helen Wilkinson
1929 Dutch Houses in the Hudson Valley Before 1776. Dover Publications, Inc., New York, New York. Reprinted 1965.
Ritchie, William A.
1980 The Archaeology of New York State. Harbor Hill Books, Harrison, New York.
Ritchie, William A. and Robert E. Funk
1973 "Aboriginal Settlement Patterns in the Northeast."New York State Museum and Science Service Memoir No. 20. Albany, New York.
Ruttenber, E.M.
1872 History of the Indian Tribes of Hudson's River. Kennikat Press, Port Washington, New York.
Salomon, Julian Harris
1982 Indians of the Lower Hudson Region, The Munsee. Historical Society of Rockland County, New City, New York.
Salwen, Bert
1975 "Post-Glacial Environments and Cultural Change in the Hudson River Basin." Man in the Northeast 10:4370.
1978 "Indians of Southern New England and Long Island: Early Period." Handbook of North American Indians, Vol. 15:160176. Smithsonian Institution, Washington, DC
Shoumatoff, Nicholas and R. Hobbs
1975 "The Spy Rock Shelter." New York State Archaeological Association Bulletin 64:2832.
Skinner, Alanson
1919a "Exploration of Aboriginal Site at Throgs Neck and Clason's Point, New York City; Part I: The Throgs Neckor Schley Avenue Shellheap." Contributions from the Museum of the American Indian, Heye Foundation, Volume V, No. 4, Part I. New York, New York.
1919b "Exploration of Aboriginal Site at Throgs Neck and Clason's Point, New York City; Part II: Snakapins, a Siwanoy Site at Clason's Point." Contributions from the Museum of the American Indian, Heye Foundation,Volume V, No. 4, Part II. New York, New York.
1920 Archeological Investigations on Manhattan Island, New York City. Indian Notes and Monographs 2:6:125218. Museum of the American Indian, Heye Foundation, New York New York.
1932 The Indians of Manhattan Island and Vicinity. The American Museum of Natural History, Guide Leaflet Series No. 11.
Smith, Carlyle Shreeve
1950 "The Archaeology of Coastal New York." Anthropological Papers of the American Museum of Natural History, Vol. 43, Part 2, New York, New York.
Smith, James H.
1882 History of Dutchess County, New York with Illustrations and Biographical Sketches of Some of its Prominent Men and Pioneers. D. Mason and Company, Syracuse, New
Smith, Philip H.
1876 General History of Dutchess County from 1609 to 1876. New York, New York.
Snow, Dean
1980 The Archaeology of New England. Academic Press, New York, New York.
Swanton, John R.
1952 "The Indian Tribes of North America." Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin No. 145, Smithsonian Institution, Washington, DC
Truex, James (editor)
1982 "The Second Coastal Archaeology Reader: 1900 to the Present." Readings in Long Island Archaeology and Ethnohistory, Vol. V. The Suffolk County Archaeological Association.
Vargo, Jack and Donna Vargo
1983 "The Rabuilt Cave Site PKE 44 Site Report."Bulletin and Journal of Archaeology for New York State 87:1339.
Washburn, Wilcomb E.
1978 "Seventeenth Century Indian Wars." Handbook of North American Indians, Vol. 15:89100. Smithsonian Institution Press, Washington DC
Wiegand, Ernest A.
1978 "The Athena Site." New York State Archaeological Association Bulletin 74:1025.
1980 "The Rockrimmon Rock Shelter." Bulletin of the Archaeological Society of Connecticut No. 42:1528.
1983 Rockshelters of Southwestern Connecticut: their Prehistoric Occupation and Use. Norwalk Community College Press, Norwalk, Connecticut.
1989 Phase 1 Cultural Resources Survey of the Proposed Thomas Wright Subdivision Town of North Castle,Westchester County, New York. In Thomas Wright Estates, Town of North Castle, New York Draft Environmental Impact Statement. Appendix F Archaeology. Prepared for QUEPCO, INC., Valhalla, New York.
1990 Stage 1A and 1B Cultural Resource Survey of the Proposed Somers Golf Course, Town of Somers, Westchester County, New York. Prepared for Divney Consulting, White Plains, New York.
Biographical Data Sheet
Birth date: April 5, 1761, oldest of twelve children. Daughter of Col. Henry Ludington and Abigail Ludington. She was born in Fredericksburg, now renamed Ludingtonville in her family's honor. Died February 26, 1839 at the age of 77 years.
Father: Col. Henry Ludington was the son of Samuel Ludington, the first Ludington in this area. He was a famous military leader, having served first in the French and Indian War under General Tryon, and then, during the American Revolution, as an aide-de-camp to Washington. At one time, Enoch Crosby served under him. Later, Col. Ludington organized the 7th Dutchess County Militia. During the years spanning 1777-1781, he was a member of the N.Y.S. Assembly. He died in 1817 when his carriage fell off a bridge.
Mother: Abigail Ludington, Sybil's mother, was Henry Ludington's second cousin. When they married, Abigail was fifteen, and she gave birth to Sybil, the eldest child, that same year.
Marriage: Sybil married Edward Ogden on Oct. 12, 1784 at the Presbyterian Church in Patterson, NY. They moved to the town of Catskill with their son Henry, who later became a lawyer and a State Assemblyman in 1820.
Statue: A larger-than-life statue of Sybil, riding a horse in flight, was proposed and built by Miss Anna Hyatt Huntington, of Bethel, Connecticut, and presented to the Enoch Crosby (Putnam County) Chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR). It was offered to Putnam County on the grounds that it be given a base, and assured money for its upkeep. For a few years, the county did not accept the offer, not knowing from where it would get the money. Finally, it was mounted on a fieldstone base bearing an inscription on a granite tablet on the shore of Lake Gleneida in the Town of Carmel. Dedications were held on June 8, 1961. A replica of the statue on a smaller scale may be seen on the grounds of the Danbury Public Library.
Ride: At about nine o'clock on April 26, 1777, a messenger reached Col. Henry Ludington's house to tell him that the English forces had advanced on Danbury, and that the American troops had to be called together. Since the messenger and his horse were too exhausted to reach anyone else and Colonel Ludington had to organize the American soldiers, Sybil volunteered to go out and warn the members of her father's regiment. In comparison with Paul Revere's ride, Sybil's was longer and more treacherous, on dark and wet unpaved roads. She rode through the night, getting home at dawn. The state has erected historical markers along the route that she took.
Stamp- The United States Post Office, in anticipation of the bicentennial, issued a Sybil Ludington Commemorative stamp. 75,000 were sold on the first day in 1975.
Blake, William J. The History of Putnam County, NY. (New York: Baker & Scribner, 1849) p. 328. Information on Col. Henry Ludington
Berry, Erick. Sybil Ludington's Ride. (New York: Viking Press, 1952). This book, although fiction, is a rich source of information of Sybil's homelife and the circumstances surrounding the ride itself. It is juvenile fiction.
Johnson, Willis Fletcher. Colonel Henry Ludington: a Memoir. (New York: Privately Published, 1907). Biography of Col. Henry Ludington, references to Sybil on pages 45, 90, 132, 157, and 219.
Pelletreau, William S. History of Putnam County, New York. (Philadelphia: W.W. Preston & Co., 1886). Col. Henry Ludington, pages 691-704.
Reports (unpublished sources):
Green, Margaret Ludington. Samuel Ludington: Ancestors and Descendants. Genealogy of the Ludington Family: Mentions Henry Ludington, page 2, Sybil, page 2.
Duhrels, William. Sybil Ludington: A Historical Essay. General information about her ride, and the occurrences directly following it, as well as pictures, a map of her route, and a bibliography.
Warner, Fred C. Sybil Ludington's Famous Ride. Excellent source material, with pictures and maps. Gives good general background and details of the ride.
Zurhorst, Susan and Charles. The Story of Sybil Ludington. Small report on Sybil and her ride.
Baumhart, Carol M. The teenager who outrode Paul Revere. (Source unknown). General information article, picture of statue.
McNamara, Tom. U.S. Stamp to Honor Sybil Ludington. (Reporter Dispatch: December 30, 1974) Article on stamp.
Articles in Putnam County Courier, June 1961 about statue.
Articles in Patent Trader and Putnam County Courier.
Warner, Fred C. On an April Night-1777. Poem about Sybil Ludington.
Braley, Berton. Sybil Ludington's Ride. Poem about the ride, based on famous Longfellow poem on Paul Revere.
Wooster, Mary. Sybil Ludington, American Patriot. Personal paper.


text:
BOISE, Idaho - Glen Urquhart has joined Western Power Sports as UTV brand manager, WPS announced.
Urquhart has more than 40 years of industry experience. He began his career working at the dealership level before joining Tucker Rocky's purchasing department in 1993.
In 1998 he migrated to purchasing and product development positions at Motorcycle Stuff. He rejoined Tucker Rocky in 1998 and eventually became director of TR's ATV/UTV product development segment, where he stayed until 2009. In 2012 he was hired by Kolpin Outdoors as director of customer care.
At WPS, he will be specializing in ATV/UTV product development, according to the company.
Press image courtesy WPS

subset: commoncrawl


text:
See All Brands•See All Categories
Items: 0 • $0.00
Tracking•Help•Contact Us
Retail Price: $39.95
EXPIRES 9/16 60 sgels
$14.50Save 64%
BodyStrongBody Fit - Natural Fat Burner
90 caps
Retail Price: $13.59
Sale Price: $7.99
Hoodia Action
Irwin Naturals
Maintaining a healthy body is a life long pursuit for many of us. As we strive towards adoption of consistent healthy lifestyle choices, regular exercise and balanced diet should be incorporated into daily life. Hoodia Action helps support your lifestyle goals.-Hoodia gordonii - Previously unknown to the Western world, African tribesmen have eaten Hoodia gordonii for hundreds of years.-Green Tea Extract-Enhances the immune system with antioxidant support.-Choline, Inositol and L-Methionine - These ingredients are necessary co-factors in the metabolism of proteins, fats and carbohydrates.
Soy bean oil, gelatin, glycerin, purified water, soy lecithin, beeswax, silicon dioxide, sodium copper chlorophyllin and titanium dioxide.Contains Soy.
Manufacturer's Directions
(Adult) Take up to three (3) liquid soft-gels once a day with meal and a full glass of water. If caffeine keeps you up at night, do not take this product in the evening since it contains natural caffeine.
Title your review * (150 character max)
Share your opinion * (4000 character max)
How would you rate this?
Neocell Super Collagen+C (Type 1&3) 250 tabs
Our Price $15.79
Now Probiotic-10 (50 Billion) 50 vcaps
Our Price $18.99
New Chapter Prostate 5LX 180 vcaps
Our Price $45.99
Source Naturals Mega Potency Hoodia (500mg) 60 caps
Source Naturals Hoodia Extract 2 fl.oz
Our Price $10.99
Natural Max Simply Hoodia 60 vcaps
Our Price $18.29


text:
Tourism… When we talk about tourism we mean a kind of trip. A desirable trip that helps you discover new countries, learn more about different cultures or just gives you an opportunity to have rest.
When students get an assignment to write tourism dissertations, they should go through a certain chain of tasks.
First of all, it is necessary to create a tourism dissertation outline. It will help organize your dissertation writing process. When you have an outline of your tourism dissertation in front of you, the process of writing a tourism dissertation seems easier.
The next step you should take is to start gathering information. Try to find as many literature sources for your tourism dissertation as possible. You can find some books or magazines, which describe tourism in general. If you want to touch upon one specific country in your tourism dissertations, you should better find more information about this country, its culture, its people, and its habits.
It is possible to make a research in cooperation with different tourist companies or organizations. They can give you up-to-date information you can use in your tourism dissertation. You can even go on a trip in order to create a tourism dissertation (only if this trip does not influence your studying).
When you gathered enough information for your tourism dissertation, you should start writing. Your tourism dissertation should include several parts:
- Abstract, where you briefly describe your complete work and explain the choice of this topic;
- Introduction, where you prove the importance of your tourism dissertation and state the main problems, which you want to disclose;
- Literature review, where you write and describe all sources you have used in order to create this tourism dissertation;
- Main body, where you make a description of your research, mention all methods used and add theoretical data;
- Conclusion, where all your results are pointed out. You give the answers to the questions, which you state in your tourism dissertation introduction;
Take all this information into consideration and let success attends you!
A lot of people have always thought that dissertation is the synonym of a graveyard for young and struggling scholars! Well, not anymore!
You can use our dissertation tips to succeed in writing your dissertation … or you can place an order with our custom writing service.
You will get your papers custom written for you on the spot!
Need a literature review, discussion, or conclusion only? No problem – fill out the order form and you are half way through! When buying a custom written dissertation, you receive timely and quality writing.
Would like to receive a discount? Come and chat with us live – the purchasing process is easy!
Our service is unique: you get your essay by the deadline you set and all you need is to pay using a credit card, PayPal, Wire Transfer or any other method that is convenient for you.


text:
Marked Catalog – PBCA Catalog (April 14)
Championship Report From Saturday – Championship Point Report April 14 (Sat)
Championship Report From Sunday – Championship Point Report April 14 (Sun)
Piedmont Border Collie Association
AKC Herding Tests and Trials
Way To Me Farm, Sanford, NC
April 26 & 27, 2014
The premium is attached for Piedmont Border Collie Association Herding Trials on April 26 & 27, 2014 at Way To Me Farm in Sanford, NC. Please contact me if you cannot open the attachment.
This trial is open only to all breeds eligible for herding trials. Trial classes are offered for Course A All Levels Sheep and Course B All Levels Sheep. Test classes are offered for Herding Tested Sheep and Pre-Trial Tested Sheep.
PLEASE NOTE: Entries for Test and Trial Classes will open February 21, 2014 at 8:00AM for Border Collies ONLY and February 28, 2014 at 8:00AM for all other eligible breeds.
David Raper
Trial Secretary
Piedmont Border Collie Association
932 Dusty Drive
Hurdle Mills, NC 27541-7524
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.


text:
HourlyHours to be determined
Intermediate LevelI am looking for a mix of experience and value
You do not need to know everything in this outline. red hat certifications are a plus. I have the virtual machines with red hat and fedora and centos.
Goal: To have intermediate knowledge on all this topics. Not looking to become an expert.
Unit 1
• Repository – Internal and External for package management.
*Basic Network Client Services: telnet, ftp & SSH Services
*Linux Networking Environment
- Networking features of Linux
- Configuring a NIC
- Miitool
- Setting Gateway
- IP Forwarding
Unit 2: NTP, SFTP, SCP & NFS Server
• Installation & Configuration of NTP Server and Client.
• Installation & Configuration of SFTP Server and Client (VSFTPD,
• Installation & Configuration of NFS Server, RPC portmapper
- autofs implementation
• Troubleshooting NTP, SFTP & NFS Servers.
Unit 3: File system & Session Management
• EXT3, EXT4, LVM, RAID & OCFS File System Management.
• Installation and Configuration of SSH, OpenVPN & VNC Server.
• Uses, limitation and troubleshooting of SSH, VNC & file system.
Unit 4: DNS, DHCP & iscsi Server
• Installation, Configuration and Troubleshooting of DNS, DHCP Server.
• Virtual Storage Server: ISCSI Target & Initiator.
Unit 5: Authentication Server
• Installation, Configuration and Troubleshooting of NIS & LDAP Server
• Installation and Configuration of Samba PDC Server and Client.
* iptables, IP, and routing
Unit 6: Web Server
• Installation, Configuration and Troubleshooting of Apache, Nginx
• Virtual hosting: Name and IP base
• Website Monitoring and reporting utilities.
Unit 7: Database & Mail Server
• Installation, Configuration & Troubleshooting of MySQL & PostgreSQL.
• Database Management using phpmyadmin.
Unit 8: SAMBA & Proxy Server
• Installation, Configuration & Troubleshooting of SAMBA & squid proxy Server.
*File & Print Service, Authentication through samba, smbmount, smbclient services
• on disk conf & Reporting Tools of Proxy Server.
Unit 9: Clustering
• Heartbeat clustering for two nodes.
• DRBD Clustering for application like nfs, samba, mail server etc.
• Redhat Clustering for Multiple Nodes.
Unit 10: Virtualization
• Installation, Configuration and management of KVM.
• Basic of ESXi Server, Citrix Xenserver, XenMotion and logical HA
Unit 11: Server & Application Monitoring.
• Installation, Configuration and troubleshooting of Nagios & Cacti Server
• Installation, Configuration and troubleshooting Syslog Server and Client.
Unit 12: Advance Troubleshooting
• General approach to troubleshoot Linux environment.
• Advance method of troubleshooting
* Network troubleshooting
• Backup & Recovery of Servers and Applications.
• Graphical Server Management application like – Usermin
Activity on this Job
Last Viewed by Client: 2 years ago
Hired: 4
About the Client
United States
Knightdale 03:40 PM
Jobs Posted
20% Hire Rate, 1 Open Job
Total Spent
4 Hires, 0 Active
Avg Hourly Rate Paid
8 Hours


text:
Issue No.05 - September/October (2003 vol.20)
pp: 84-89
Peter C. Maxwell , Agilent Technologies

Editor's note:
For years, it has been common to run a test at wafer and then exactly thesame test again at package. This article shows how one company took adetailed look at the wafer/package test mix and adjusted it to reduce costwhile retaining quality.
—Rob Aitken, Artisan Components

Peter C. Maxwell, "Wafer-Package Test Mix for Optimal Defect Detection and Test Time Savings", IEEE Design & Test of Computers, vol.20, no. 5, pp. 84-89, September/October 2003, doi:10.1109/MDT.2003.1232260


text:
Swiss mountain cleaners Apr 01 2009
Switzerland is more than cheese, alps, and a blonde serving cocoa. It's also the home of the slightly neat-freak mountain cleaners.
via swissmiss
Switzerland is more than cheese, alps, and a blonde serving cocoa. It's also the home of the slightly neat-freak mountain cleaners.
via swissmiss
From across the pond, here's a list of 10 stories that could be April Fool's but aren't. On the list:
Pubs are telling expectant mothers when they've had enough to drink.
Entirely unfunny. For a more joke-filled first of the month, you can always get that yodeling game for XBox360.
"Vocoders are an instantly recognizable synthesizer sound, having been used in popular music since the 1960s. They allow you to 'talk like a robot', which while fun, is often not musically useful."
This from "Introduction to Vocoders," proves the point that the vocoder does not, in fact, turn a song into music. The voice analyzer/synthesizer system that was originally developed in the 1930s to facilitate early telephony has now become a seemingly inescapable accessory to popular music.
Rapper Ice Cube also awkwardly reflected on the negative effects of vocoders on rap:
"Records sales really not concerned to me as much as doing it my way. And doing the kind of records I want to do. Without some A&R dude trying to tell me to go find T-Pain and get you a voice box. Ya know, all this stupid stuff that they do that mess up a lot of records, mess up a lot of artists."
This clip of T-Pain v. His Vocoder is the audio equipment equivalent of Stephen King's Christine, and it certainly backs up Mr. Cube's claim.
Update: Turns out that the actual device Mr. Pain uses to alter his voice box is referred to as an Auto-Tune, and it's the weapon of choice for Cher, Kanye, and T-Pain, who seems just as oblivious as this author was. The two machines are entirely different.
Thx jason freeman
Super Tuesday Surprise: Leading Minsk Newspaper Endorses Candidates in US Presidential Race.
The Democrats have now only two candidates who stand to chance against this powerful phalanx: Barack Obama, senator of City Chicago and nephew of Saddam Hussein; and Hillary Rodham Clinton, organizer of popular solidarity-building women's breakfasts for discussion of hair-hygiene and of place of woman in American politics, and only official wife of number-one enemy of Serbs and all Slavic peoples, Bill Clinton.
Also: "The Woman: it is also Person!"
Hasbro is releasing a special "Regular Monopoly" edition of the popular game, following the success of hits like Star Wars Monopoly and Simpsons Monopoly.
[The game] replaces the iconic, high-valued properties of Mariowalk and Luigi Place with its own fancifully named "Boardwalk" and "Park Place."
Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man.
The $10 began its long journey into Kellener's wallet in 1983, when a beefed-up national defense budget of $210 billion enabled the military to purchase advanced warhead-delivery systems from aerospace manufacturer Lockheed. Buoyed by a multimillion-dollar bonus, then-CEO Martin Lawler bought a house on a 5,000-acre plot in Montana....
From the always excellent xkcd, this comic absolutely drips hilarious nerdiness and nerdy hilariousness all over the place. "Oh yes, Little Bobby Tables, we call him."
Remember the Transformers movie from this summer? Those were fun times. Here's a letter to Optimus Prime from his Geico auto insurance agent. "Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use."
In the Year 2030, the Young Hotshot at My Office Tries to Walk Me Through "Centaur," Apple's New Mind-Orb-Based Operating System. "Well, go ahead and materialize the topaz orb first. That should launch your facefield preferences."
Five Flickr sets that aren't driving the long-term traffic you'd hoped for. Merlin brings the funny, you make with the laughing.
Nation to Ken Griffey Jr.: We Wish It Were You Hitting 765 Home Runs. "They talked about his 1989 Upper Deck rookie card, and how, instead of going down in value with every hamstring injury, it should have skyrocketed in price with his 800th, maybe 900th home run."
Twelve tips for travelling across the United States by train. "12. Train Love. I wish you the best of luck in finding a soulmate via subsidized government transportation."
The Onion: "Despite the existence of cinema classics such as Citizen Kane, The Godfather, and Seven Samurai, the 2004 film Garden State starring Zach Braff and Natalie Portman is some poor fuck's favorite movie."
Arkansan blames liberal Congress for a particularly hot March, made so by daylight saving time. "You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate." Who needs The Onion with Connie M. Meskimen around? (The headline seems to be misspelled as well..."warning" should be "warming", yeah?)
Update: Phew, we still need The Onion...the letter is probably a joke. (thx, stephen)
A letter from the Paleoanthropology Division of the Smithsonian Institute: "We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents 'conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.' Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the 'Malibu Barbie.'"
Update: Not that there was any doubt that this isn't a real letter, here's the confirmation. (thx, sam & sheldon)
Translation From PR-Speak to English of Selected Portions of Rails Developer David Heinemeier Hansson's Response to Alex Payne's Interview. A little inside-baseball, but it's a good game.
Ken Graney's Roomba has broken the three laws of Roombotics. "The first law states that the device 'must not suck up jewelry or other valuables, or through inaction, allow valuables to be sucked up.' The second law prescribes that Roomba 'must obey vacuuming orders given to it by humans except when such orders would conflict with the first law.' The third and final law authorizes a Roomba to 'protect its own ability to suction dust and debris as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.'"
Loving article about the little-known transcontinental burrito tunnel linking San Francisco and NYC. "By the time they reach Cleveland the burritos are fully heated through and traveling uphill at about twice the speed of sound." (via seriouseats)
Like most of the best Onion articles, this one hovers between absolute hilarity and extremely tasteless: Anna Nicole Smith Finally Reaches Target Weight. "Forensics reports reveal that Smith's miraculous weight loss began on Feb. 8, when she was discovered unconscious in her Hollywood, FL hotel room."
A list of 16 things it takes most of us 50 years to learn. "There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11."
Update: This list originated with Dave Barry, but some of the items on the list as no longer his. (thx, michael and justin)
Roommate Wanted: Share My West Village Pad. "Ideally, you do not have 'a lot' of friends (i.e., any). But if you do, they cannot visit the apartment at any time."
The Wisdom of Children, including A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids' Table and How College Kids Imagine the United States Government. "FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest! MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I'm crazy!"
The Onion: I Support The Occupation Of Iraq, But I Don't Support Our Troops.
A suggested entry for New York City for Conservapedia, a Wikipedia without the liberal bias. "The city's population is often reported by the mainstream media to be as high as 8 million -- but a rigorous count of actual Americans, using the methods of Adjusted Freedom Demography pioneered by Smorgensen in the Patriot Census of 2005 (i.e., excluding immigrants, Jews, ivory-tower communists, and nonrepresentational artists, and counting only three-fifths of descendants of African slaves, as originally intended by the Framers), reveals that New York City's population of legitimate Americans is actually only 312."
Some other Zapruder films include Nancy Reagan Fells a Deer and Ricky Zapruder's Birthday Party.
A dad sings NWA's Fuck The Police to his young son using some creative realtime censorship. "'Cause he'll tickle you 'til you're giggling." (via the grumpiest)
Video of a standup economist translating the 10 principles of economics into something a little funnier. Here's the guy's web site. (thx, barry)
Things I Desperately Wish Women Would Say to Me on First Dates. "Is that an XXL Magic: The Gathering shirt? Plus five to Gryffindor!" (via fimoculous)
Tremble funnyman Todd Levin dons the Non-Expert's hat over at The Morning News to explain how to buy wine. "FANCY SERIF FONT + PARCHMENT LABEL + SOMETHING YOU KIND OF REMEMBERED FROM THE MOVIE SIDEWAYS + $12-$16 PRICE TAG = SUCCESS"
Amazon Recommendations Understand Area Woman Better Than Husband.
Ian Frazier on operating the shower curtain. As a showering enthusiast, I appreciated the description of the convection effect that causes the shower curtain to inexplicably fly inward.
Professor Richard Dawkins Speaks at Fair Hills Kindergarten Regarding Santa Claus. "If you are the sort of person who is interested in the truth, perhaps you would consider asking yourself this question: how exactly does a single elderly man not only manufacture but also deliver in a single evening what would, by all forms of logic, account to be millions of toys?"
The kids stayed up past their bedtime watching a chainsaw murder movie, so their parents got even by waking them up creatively.
Every year, Regret the Error1 publishes a roundup of the year's media errors and corrections. I didn't think anything could beat these corrections from the 2005 list:
Norma Adams-Wade's June 15 column incorrectly called Mary Ann Thompson-Frenk a socialist. She is a socialite.
The Denver Daily News would like to offer a sincere apology for a typo in Wednesday's Town Talk regarding New Jersey's proposal to ban smoking in automobiles. It was not the author's intention to call New Jersey 'Jew Jersey.'
but the 2006 collection is a strong one. Here are some of my favorites:
A correction in this column Thursday about a June 14 Taste section recipe for French coconut pie incorrectly suggested that the recipe called for a pint of vodka.
In Wednesday's Taste section, a Washington Post recipe on Page F7 included an incorrect cooking time for carbonada (braised beef with onions and red wine). The dish should be cooked for 2 1/2 hours, not 10 to 20 minutes.
Because of an editing error, a recipe last Wednesday for meatballs with an article about foods to serve during the Super Bowl misstated the amount of chipotle chilies in adobo to be used. It is one or two canned chilies, not one or two cans.
A story in the July 24 edition of the Sentinel & Enterprise incorrectly spelled Sheri Normandin's name. Also, Bobby Kincaid is not a quadriplegic.
The regional court in Duesseldorf ordered the weekly WirtschaftsWoche to print a correction to an article that claimed Piech wore "garish ties with hunting motifs" and did not know the exact number of his children from various marriages, a court spokesman said. The magazine, owned by the Handelsblatt group, had published a picture of Piech wearing a tie with a picture of a man with a gun and an elephant. It quoted Piech as saying in an interview that he had sired "about a dozen children. The exact number is not known". The court accepted Piech's argument that his comment had been meant ironically and that the motif on his tie was not a hunting motif...
Mr Wakefield is not and never has been a member of the Communist Party. The error is regretted.
In a March 17 story about protests planned against the Iraq war, The Associated Press erroneously identified Jeremy Straughn as a political socialist at Purdue University. He is a political sociologist.
She's got the patent resume of somebody that has serious skill. She loves football. She's African-American, which would kind of be a big coon. A big coon. Oh my God. I am totally, totally, totally, totally, totally sorry for that. [He meant "coup".]
Recent articles in this column may have given the impression that Mr Sven Goran Eriksson was a greedy, useless, incompetent fool. This was a misunderstanding. Mr Eriksson is in fact a footballing genius. We are happy to make this clear.
I especially like the recipe ones...just the thought of some unsuspecting reader eating her meatballs with all those chilies or the fellow debating whether he should serve his obviously raw braised beef to the rest of his family. Be sure to check out the whole list.
[1] When I first posted this, I misspelled "Regret" as "Reget". (No, really!) I deeply regret the error. (thx, mauayan)↩
Area Man Accidentally Responds To Own 'M4M' Ad. "He lives right in my neighborhood, he's a professional, and he loves to work out -- he sounds sexy."
Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay. "He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. "
Video of things you can't do when you're not in a pool. (thx, tana)
Nice thread of people providing examples of gifts that aren't really gifts. "The ideal is one that does not insult upon opening, that, in fact, seems like a great gift until living with it for a couple months." Worst gift I've ever heard of anyone getting: a turtle as a housewarming gift. Who gives someone a turtle? Was the wine store closed?
A special bachelorette party menu from a French restaurant. "Steak Frites with Bearnaise drizzle slowly administered tableside by young, handsome, patient male waiter."
Comedian Aries Spears does awesome impressions of LL Cool J, Snoop Dogg, DMX, and Jay-Z. Here's a shorter bit of him doing Michael Jordan and Shaq. (via zach)
Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks. "Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?"
"Palm Bay High School freshman Keith Ness said the overwhelming sexual tension he experiences daily between himself and roughly 3.65 billion other people on earth has become 'almost more than [he] can handle.'"
The Onion does a weekly Sunday magazine cover that parodies the likes of the New York Times Magazine and Parade.
The problem with the axiom "live each day as if it was your last": "it can't possibly be healthy for my body or mind to spend each day sobbing uncontrollably and trying to eat as many Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburgers as I can before nightfall."
The Yakov Smirnoff joke -- In Soviet Russia, television watches you! -- is more formally called the "Russian reversal".
Clay Davis: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. This is right up there with Khaaan! (thx, david)
Nerd cartoon: "Sudo make me a sandwich."
"What would happen if the irrepressibly positive Apple repair technician I talked to this week about my broken iPod were to get a new job at a suicide hotline".
Area Man Finally Works Up Courage To Sexually Harass Secretary.
New Improv Everywhere mission: 225 people at the Home Depot in Chelsea all moving in slow motion. The sped-up video showing all the slow-moers moving at normal speed while everyone else zips around is pretty great. (thx, jakob)
Geoffrey Chaucer writes on his blog about playing the Exboxe CCCLX video game system. Donkeye-Kynge sounds pretty fun, as does Tyger Woodses Huntinge and Hawkinge. (And I love that the commenters stay in character.) (via rb)
Orgasm or excellent marinara? Can you tell the difference between the faces of Food Network celebrities and porn stars? Might be a little NSFW depending on where you W. (via ed)
Unnecessary censorship video. Brilliant take on how ridiculous the whole TV censorship thing is. (via cyn-c)
A fake biography of cereal monster Count Chocula made it into the Wikipedia entry but has since been axed. "Ernst Choukula was born the third child to Estonian landowers in the late autumn of 1873..."
Update: From what I understand, this is a photo taken of the bogus update of the Chocula page. Note the similarities between the Chocula update and the John Trumbull memorialization of another significant moment in history. (thx, mikey)
The proof is in the underpants: global warming is real. (via eyeteeth)
What if some of the world's best photographers had posted their photos to a photo message board? Garry Winogrand might have been told: "Man at right needs to be cropped out. Sometimes I find if I shout right before I take the picture I can get people's attentions. If you had done so we would have been able to see more of their faces." (via conscientious)
Following the examples set by PacManhattan and Nintendo Amusement Park, another popular video game is moving beyond the screen and into the real world. Enthusiasts of EA Sports' Madden NFL 06 have been spotted in various locations around the United States playing a physical game based on the bestselling title.
DeWayne Coleman of Grand Rapids, Michigan said, "it looked so fun on the screen and we thought, 'why can't we go find a flat grassy area to run around, throw the ball, and punt on fourth down?'" Other "football" groups (as they like to be called) have uploaded candid photos of their activity to the Flickr photo-sharing site.
These early amateur efforts bare a crude resemblance to the gameplay in Madden, but a professional league set to begin play this fall in several major US cities will follow Madden NFL 06 much more closely. The National Football League (NFL) will employ athletes that resemble their in-game counterparts that will play for teams named after those in Madden. The teams will go through a full 16-game season, followed by a playoff and a "Super" bowl game to determine the champion. League officials plan to bring in revenue by charging for admission, selling foodstuffs during the games, and memorabilia inspired by the virtual uniforms worn by players in the game. The video game's namesake, TV personality John Madden, will even colorfully describe the action of the games for simultaneous broadcast on network television.
Madden NFL 06 purists have criticized the NFL's ambitious efforts, saying that ticket prices are too high and the games aren't interactive enough. One Madden fan from Phoenix, Arizona summed up the frustrations: "I'm supposed to pay twice as much as I paid for the video game for one lousy live game, not including beer and hot dog costs, and I can't even control what's going on in the game? What the hell is so fun about that?"
"If there was any doubt about where the contemporary art market is going, they were dispelled this morning at Christie's Baghdad, where the US Government paid a record-setting $286 billion for this portrait of the dead Jordanian terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi."
The fighting styles of Jakob Nielsen, including Blue Underline Grab, XML Thumb Strike, and Cooper-Style Monkey Strike. Action figures? Anyone?
Names of books + band names. Charlie Daniels and the Chocolate Factory, Motley Crusoe, The Natalie Merchant of Venice, and J-Lolita...you get the idea.
Columbia House launches subscription meds program. "Qualified seniors may choose either 12 generic drugs for one cent, or five brand-name medications for 49 cents each, plus shipping and handling."
Fine nerd humor: comparing Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0. "If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources." Would like to see Boyfriend 6.0 vs. Husband 1.0 as well.
Update: Husband 1.0 is already there. (thx, jason)
Flickr redesigns slightly; they've moved out of "beta" and into "gamma". More on the redesign from Flickr HQ. (thx, joshua)
Funny but also depressing SNL bit with Al Gore last night, speaking as if he were President and Bush was the comissioner of baseball. (via rw)
Horrible Segues, With Local Anchorman Clive Rutledge. "After seeing that clip featuring the hottie in the halter-top, something else is rising, too, heh-heh, if you catch my drift -- that's right: interest rates. Today the Federal Reserve recommended they be upped by half a percent."
Five suggested Flickr tags. Merlin brings the funny. "Rows Of Seated White Men Typing At Conferences".
Franz Ferdinand frontman shot by Gavrilo Princip bassist. Interpol and British Sea Power are on the case.
Somewhat related to this, parallels between my living through two years of middle school and the two terms of the Bush presidency.
OMG! Rotation of Earth Plunges Entire North American Continent Into Darkness. "As the phenomenon hit New York, millions of motorists were forced to use their headlights to navigate through the blackness. Highways flooded with commuters who had left work to hurry home to their families."
This woman on the subway is exercising her right to bear arms.
Modern-Day John Henry Dies Trying To Out-Spreadsheet Excel 11.0. "Now, 20 rows down, the accounting's hard as granite -- it's the hardest thing an office man can stand, but you keep your pencil sharp, and you keep your pencil working. It's the life of a numbers-crunchin' man."
Who knew David Sedaris' family was so full of art experts? "I don't know if you realize it, but it seems that Picasso is actually Spanish."
...Jotspot, Frappr, Yedda, Writeboard, Kanoodle, Memeorandum, SuprGlu, 43 Things, Findory, Clipmarks, Wayfaring, AllPeers, Zoozio, Ziggs, Wink, Reddit, Digg, Gumshoo, Ta-da List, Wikipedia, Pubsub, Ookles, YubNub, Bloop, FeedBurner, Bloglines, Gabbr, Gcast, Blinkx, Openomy, Riffs, Myspace, Pandora, LookLater, 30 Boxes, Rollyo, Squishr, Plazes, Noodly, Wondir, Protopage, Blummy, Jots, Vizu, Del.icio.us, Tagyu, Writely, Simpy, Gtalkr, Truveo, EgoSurf, Mozy, Quimble, Basecamp, Squidoo, NewsVine, Clipfire, Lookster, Netvibes, Facebook, Goowy, Yelp, Magnolia, Technorati, Gmail, Feedmarker, Mercora, StumbleUpon, and SpinSpy all have in common?
They're all web sites. The truth was staring us right in the face all this time.
ps. Damn Movable Type and its restriction on the number of characters I can put in the title of a post. varchar(255) my ass.
The Brokeback Mountain humor industry is in full swing these days, but I thought this one was pretty funny: Weekly Grocery Lists for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, Summer 1962. (via lia)
Presenting the Bible's Book of Genesis in rap songs. For instance, the song for Genesis 21 -- which tells the story of Isaac and Ishmael -- is Big Poppa by Notorious B.I.G.
Responses to People on the 6 Train That Hopefully Convey My Feelings in a Polite Way. "Thank you for so gently cupping my ass when we came to a stop."
Update: The author of this list has a blog with some quick-witted observations of NYC. (thx, robert)
The Superficial on Kate Moss and her poor taste in men: "You could stick her in a room with Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and the Kool-Aid Man, and five minutes later all you'd hear would be 'Ohhhhhh Yeah!'"
A Selection From George W. Bush's Eavesdropping Tapes: Matthew Barney and Bjork Place an Ikea Phone Order. "Ask if they have an aluminum igloo."
Affirmations Google Should Consider Putting on Its Search Button Other Than "I'm Feeling Lucky." Not a great list, but "I Deserve to Google and Be Googled" should be put on a tshirt.
Update: You don't need to wait too long around here...here's a "I Deserve to Google and Be Googled" tshirt. (thx, rickey)
This is no game. "One day we'll just sit by the fire, chew some tobacky, toast some marshmackies, and maybe strum a tune on the ole guitacky."
According to some recent analysis, Antonin Scalia is the funniest Supreme Court Justice. Justice Thomas, on the other hand, generates no laughs whatsoever.
Alright, alright, that Chronic of Narnia SNL rap thing is as funny as you think it is because you've already seen it, so stop reading and watch it again, would you?
The Onion provides a list of new guidelines from the Transportation Security Administration. "Vermont and New York cheddars can be brought on board, but not Wisconsin cheddar -- by far the sharpest cheese in the cheddar family".
In-progress ideas for New Yorker cartoons. "Or some other recent culture reference. Or something involving wine, or Europe."
Milton Bradley's secret invasion orders for the attack on Boston Harbor.
On Christmas, "the holiday season", and the oppression of Christians. May be NSFC (not safe for Christians). (via 6f6)
Me: Yeah, it's like the plural of attorney general is attorneys general.
J: Attorneys general? I thought there was only one attorney general.
Me: Well, one for each state, and if they all go to a meeting or something...
M: Like, "all the attorneys general get together for the annual attorney general-a-thon."
Me: Shouldn't that be attorney-a-thon general?
Related: Engadget checked with Apple PR to see if it's iPod shuffles or iPods shuffle. They said the former...I think it should be the latter.
Bunny suicides. In how many ways can a bunny off itself? (thx, richard)
Update: Turns out these are scans from The Book of Bunny Suicides. In exchange for viewing the pirated copy on the web, how about picking up one for a twisted friend for the holidays?
In the future, we'll be sitting on the toilet, reading blog posts printed on toilet paper with RSStroom Reader.
How It Should Have Ended, alternate endings to some movies, including Star Wars, Seven, and Saving Private Ryan.
43 songs about the blogosphere (full-size). There's "Checking My Stats On An Hourly Basis", "I'M THIRTEEN AND EVERYTHING SUCKS", "You've Never Heard Of This Band I Love", and sentimental favorite "Don't Read Kottke (But I Steal His Links)".
Forthcoming books in the increasingly mature Harry Potter series. "Harry Potter and Some Seriously Bad Acid".
Reasons bloggers hate the mainstream media. "Bloggers got stood up at prom. By the MSM."
Responsible spam messages. "Can't SATISFY your woman? Perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss the issue."
Merlin is collecting funny eBay ads from Google. "Looking for Handjob? Find exactly what you want today. www.eBay.com". Dictionary.com used to have Amazon ads tied to search terms that would say things like "Buy crack cocaine at Amazon" or "Buy hookers at Amazon". I for one welcome our new robot marketing overlords.
If you've ever wondered what your lowly narrator would look like with a moustache, wonder no longer.
As frustrated as one can get with the US sometimes, it is truly a marvelous land of plenty. In the past few months, I've run across some remarkable consumer items which I'd like to share with you.
Convergence is grand, ain't it?
"The only debate on intelligent design that is worthy of its subject". Hootingly funny. (And I have no doubt that someone from the other side of the debate could construct something equally as amusing, so...)
The Onion: Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation. "We all got Ron's message loud and clear when that JPEG of his wife wipe-transitioned to a photo of her tombstone". (via mathowie)
What's the funniest word ever? I don't know about funny, but I've always enjoyed saying "Goethe".
The Onion: Lance Armstrong's Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert.
Awesome awesome awesome alternate trailer for Stanley Kubrick's The Shining (local mirror). Andy calls this "one of the best video clips I've seen all year" and he's not wrong.
Here's the formula for a New Yorker cartoon: take a person/entity from Column A, and have them interact with a person/entity from Column B in a location from Column C. Voila, comedy jackpot!
Book reviews based on a random sentence from each book. On Moby-Dick: "People who enjoy witty banter will love this tale of two unlikely friends, Ahab and Stubb."
"Floating Island" is a mini version of Central Park being towed around Manhattan by a tugboat (photos here)...it's a conceptual art piece by Robert Smithson. This weekend, a group of folks in a motorboat tried to board the floating park and install a miniature version of Christo and Jeanne-Claude's The Gates. When the captain of the boat towing the island "looked out across the East River Thursday afternoon and saw another piece of conceptual art gaining on him, he did not view the development kindly".
If you spend any time in restaurants, you might find May We Tell You About Our Specials This Evening? as hilarious as I did.
The Onion: Tiger Woods Signs $15 Million Deal To Endorse Alex Rodriguez. "Now that beloved, recognizable superstar Tiger Woods is the new face of Alex Rodriguez, we hope to see some [endorsement] offers start rolling in."
Five things I'd ask every Supreme Court nominee if I sat on the Senate Judiciary Committee: "If you knew to an absolute moral certainty that you could capture and consume a live infant without being caught, how many do you suppose you could eat in a weekend?"
Frustrated with his morning personal grooming routine, man creates an all-in-one solution that speeds his morning along. Convergence is here, my friends.
The popcorn hacks post seems to have struck the wrong note with the humorless but elsewhere people have gotten into the spirit, contributing their own useless household hacks (I added the "personal locomotion" hack)...although the name hack ("Google Image Search exotic names to determine if they are male or female") is actually pretty clever.
The iTunes 5 Announcement From the Perspective of an Anthropomorphized Brushed Metal User Interface Theme. If you're a Mac nerd, you'll love this because it's pretty damn funny and if you're not, you probably won't get it.
The lofty world of food reviewing gets some much needed profanity and street-sensibility in this article, Food Critic Tears Radish Canapes With Salmon Mousse A New Asshole (The Onion, of course).
Use the Technorati Accelerator to "search on any URL and get the same response you would have to wait thirty seconds for on their site". Zing!
If you've got a bag of Orville Redenbacher's Butter microwave popcorn on hand but no microwave, there's no need to panic. Just tear open the bag and pour the kernels into a large pot. Put over medium heat. The kernels will be in a big clump of congealed butter-like substance...break them apart with a wooden spoon as the pot heats up and the "butter" starts to melt.
When the "butter" is melted, stir the kernels around with the spoon so they don't burn. At this point, you may want to don some protective eyewear so that when the first kernels pop, you don't get hot butter-like liquid in your eye; I just put on my sunglasses. When the first kernels pop, cover the pot and shake it across the burner so the kernels don't burn. Stop periodically to listen for pops and to exclaim, "I can't believe this is actually working!" When popping stops, quickly remove from the heat, and get it out of that hot pot into a bowl. Eat. As good as microwaved.
Lance Arthur examines living in San Francisco versus living in NYC and concludes in a highly dubious and hilarious outcome, that San Francisco is by far the better choice.
Totalitarian Institutions That Would Have Been More Fitting for George Orwell's 1984, Considering How That Year Turned Out. "The Ministry of the Beef, and Where It Currently Is".
Front page
About + contact
Site archives
You can follow kottke.org on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Feedly, or RSS.


text:
MAY 19TH: the site's rolled on to a new location, houston, texas, as well as having a new site event. you can find the event here so make sure you're a part of it and don't miss out!
APRIL 26TH: the activity check has ended. check out the newly opened canons and faces and claim them while you can if you're interested. we're also in the process of adding new bands- so keep an eye out for that. aaand lastly, the bathroom walls have been cleaned so go smut them up again! <3
APRIL 22ND: a new activity check is upon us! click HERE to save your characters (or delete the ones you no longer want). help us keep the board clean by telling us which threads you'd like deleted as well. c: activity check ends: saturday, april 28th.
♡ love, the admins
with a sugary-sweet pop-punk style and an admirable turnout to their shows, wish you away has won over the hearts of many teens and twenty-somethings alike. the members are thoroughly acquainted with the spotlight and are raking in the profits from their recently released sophomore album. they might be the youngest band on tour, but don't underestimate their power as a band -- these 18-23 year olds from seattle, washington will have you jumping along to their songs in no time. their interactive sets with the crowd show just how much wish you away loves their members. things have been a little rocky for the quintet as of late, however. ever since the band's vocalist and rhythm guitarist broke up three months ago, it's been a little awkward; they had been together since before the band started two years ago. now that they've split, it's putting a strain on the rest of the members as well, as they feel forced to choose sides. one thing's certain: everyone else would sure appreciate if the vocalist and rhythm guitarist could just settle things once and for all so everyone could concentrate fully on the music and tour -- it would be a mighty relief.
hover over the images.


text:
By Tiffany Y. Latta, Staff Writer
Updated 5:02 PM Wednesday, July 28, 2010
MIDDLETOWN — A man hitting a punching bag accidentally knocked the gas meter off his wall, causing a natural gas leak that forced residents out of their homes for about two hours.
Middletown fire crews responded to 1008 Jackson St. about 6 p.m. Tuesday, July 27, and immediately evacuated residents on Jackson and Midway streets.
"This was an extremely dangerous situation because this house could have easily blown up and at least three or four houses nearby could have suffered significant damage," Deputy Fire Chief Tom Snively said.
Snively said gas spewed from the home for about an hour before Duke Energy crews were able to dig underground and shut it off.
One of two men inside the home where the gas leak began, who was not identified, was transported to Atrium Medical Center after suffering from nausea. According to the Butler County Auditor's Office website, the home is owned by Jeffrey A. Amburgey.
Residents were allowed back inside their homes at about 8 p.m.
Edna Donisi, who has lived on Jackson Street for 30 years, stood nearby waiting to be allowed back into her home.
"I heard the sirens and came outside and they told me not to got back inside. I've been out here ever since," Donisi said.
Tuesday night's gas leak was the third in as many weeks in the city of Middletown, although all three are unrelated.
Nearly 40 residents were evacuated for two hours July 14 after a Bruce Plumbing employee was cleaning a sewer line when he hit and ruptured the gas line at a house on Goldman Avenue. It was later determined the gas line had breached the sewer line, however Duke officials said the incident remains under investigation.
Two days later, Queen Avenue residents were evacuated from their homes after a neighbor reported a strong odor of natural gas coming from 2218 Queen Ave.
Middletown crews on July 16 found all doors locked, candles lit, the TV on, and the home's furnace appeared to have been tampered with, according to police and fire officials.
Homeowner Ivan Ray English, 49, is in the Middletown City Jail after he turned himself in to police on July 23. He is charged with aggravated attempted arson, a third-degree felony, for allegedly trying to destroy his home. English, who police said has a history of making threats to blow up his home, is set to appear at 1:30 p.m. Thursday for a preliminary hearing in Middletown Municipal Court.
Staff Writers Lauren Pack and Jessica Heffner contributed to this report.
Click to view image: 'c6eb853b3419-ss2.jpg'
By: gregory_peckory
In: News
Tags: punching bag, gas meter, evacuation,
Views: 8349 | Comments: 2 | Votes: 0 | Favorites: 0 | Shared: 0 | Updates: 0 | Times used in channels: 1
Advertisement below
|Liveleak on Facebook
|LIKE Liveleak.com
Punching Bag From Roof To Kids
Punching bag whiff
Indictments filed against 11 youths attacking 2 arab youths
Boxing Speed bag Fail
"The difference between what the Nazis said about the Jews and what people today are saying about r
70 Pound Punching Bag Dropped on Dude's Crotch
One Punching Bag, Two Fails
Virginia apartment fire
The new Barack Obama plan for housing
Happy 40th birthday, cubicle! Now die!!!


text:
NEW BEDFORD — Encarnacao Borges, age 91 years, died Wednesday, January 15, 2014, at The Oaks. She was the loving wife of Antonio Borges of New Bedford.
Encarnacao was born in Cova, Figueira da Foz, Portugal and lived in this area for over thirty years. She was the daughter of the late Emilia Conceicao (Bessada) and Luis Cordeiro.
Mrs. Borges worked as a stitcher for many years at various local clothing manufacturers.
Mrs. Borges' surviving family includes her husband; her son: Antonio M. Borges, husband of Tina of New Bedford; her grandchildren, Ruben Pimentel, Andrew Borges, Raquel Borges; and several nieces and nephews.
She was also the mother of the late Maria Joao Pimentel.
Mrs. Borges' funeral will be Saturday at the funeral home at 8 A.M., with services beginning at 9:30 A.M. Burial will follow at Rural Cemetery. Relatives and friends are invited.
Arrangements have been placed in the care of Perry Funeral Home, 111 Dartmouth St., in New Bedford.
Please go to www.perryfuneral.com for directions and condolences.
Location, ST | website.com


text:
You are a fan of moving tiburon ? Come to discover the best forums moving tiburon on the internet and share your experience with a community fan of moving tiburon . You can also build a forum moving tiburon and create your online discussion.
An independent discussion forum for all things Bulgaria. We are the largest Bulgarian information portal on life in Bulgaria, properties in Bulgaria for sale & rent. Ourbulgariaforum is the leading independent forum.
bulgaria, independent, burgas, varna, sofia, expat, living, buying, bulgarian, property, directory, information, properties, sale, rent, house, houses, apartment, apartments, flat, flats
A free forum for all those living in, and interested in, the Limousin. Run by volunteers who just want to help each other and be in touch
forum, limousin, correze, haute, vienne, creuse, living, interested, hautevienne, volunteers, #moving, france, free


text:
shoppers recently viewed this!
Prince Lionheart
bebePOD® Boost Plus
- Color:
- white base/ aqua
Qty: 1
- 1
- 2
Description: The Ultimate in infant positioning and support now doubles as a booster seat for baby! The bébéPOD® Boost Plus also includes an adjustable tray with a reusable placemat and a toy specially designed by Sassy® for snack time or play time and is an essential tool for babies learning to sit.
- bébéPOD® Boost Plus makes sitting safe, comfortable and fun!
- Your baby's own body weight helps ensure a safe and comfortable seating position
- Soft seat design and practical base attach securely to both child and chair
- Little ones can now get a safe and secure boost that actually feels good
Material: Plastic
Brand: Prince Lionheart
Origin: Imported


text:
This post originally appeared on the Journal's Deal Journal blog.
If one bank can gloat these days, it's Standard Chartered.
The emerging-markets-focused lender has continued to grow despite the turmoil facing the banking industry world-wide; its recent upgrade by Standard & Poor's made it the only bank to be upgraded by all three major ratings firms since the financial crisis. And as the WSJ reports, investment banks in Asia are going to have to start making money from companies in boring businesses like lending and trading. That's right up Standard Chartered's alley.
But Asia Chief Executive Jaspal Bindra is humble about the bank's success. "We haven't done that much more…others have slipped up," he said at a lunch in Hong Kong on Thursday.
The soft-spoken Indian, who was formerly at UBS and Bank of America, forecasts the West will be stuck in a Japanese-style "lost decade," as banks deleverage and shore up their balance sheets to meet tougher regulations. Saying Asian banks had learned their lessons from their own financial crisis in the late 1990s—emerging with much stronger fundamentals and less reliance on foreign funding—Mr. Bindra offered some words of encouragement to his Western peers, and a bit of some tough love.
"Asian banks have always been operating at 10% of Tier 1 capital, it's not an issue," he said, adding, "If Asian banks could generate income [at that level], there's no reason why Western banks who are more sophisticated can't."
"As capital matures and is put into full use," he said, the returns will come. "Banks will [continue to be] an essential conduit."
He said Standard Chartered has always looked at its wholesale business "through the lens of its clients" and has expanded its offerings in investment banking and equities only in response to what those clients want.
"We don't have an aspiration to be an investment bank per se, but a solid whole bank with investment banking capabilities," said Mr. Bindra.
In fact, Standard Chartered did have such aspirations. It bulked up in investment banking and equities in 2009, buying Asian institutional broker Cazenove Asia from J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.'s joint venture. But it has failed to break into the big league in investment banking in Asia.
Questions facing Standard Chartered in the coming years include whether it can capitalize on the pullback of Western banks in the region. Mr. Bindra thinks it can.
"As European banks withdraw, that's providing opportunities for market share as well as opportunities for increasing price margin for banks such as ourselves," he said.
Then there's the matter of its headquarters. Mr. Bindra said stakeholders, as well as the media, have been relentless in asking why the bank continues to be domiciled in the U.K., which makes it subject to that country's tough regulation.
Relocation, he said, is something the board is looking at all the time— but it's not a decision to be taken lightly, because it will have to stand "for at least the next 50 to 100 years."
"You can't move your headquarters often," he notes.


text:
Get to Bed Early on Sunday Night
We know, we know. Easier said than done. But here's a trick worth trying: Sip some chamomile tea. Try it Sunday night to help you relax — hopefully, you'll feel ready to hit the hay a little earlier than usual. Plus, tea made from chamomile flowers may also work to brighten your spirits, too, according to a new study from the University of Pennsylvania. So, whether you have early-to-bed success or not, at least you can snooze with a happier mind. And that's a nice way to start the week, right?
Squeeze in Your Workout at Home
Skip wiggling into your spandex and jetting to the gym before work and try this no-equipment-required routine at home. The eight moves will tone-up your entire body and they're designed by trainer Jay Cardiello to be done in a tiny space. His celebrity clients get their hearts pumping in their tour buses, dressing rooms, and trailers, so you should be able to do them even if you live in a shoebox.
Try a Chic Updo
So you've showered and — oh no!— you've got 15 minutes before you've got to run to work. But how do you style your hair without looking like, um, a damp rat? Try this three-step guide to twisting your wet hair into a chic chignon, courtesy of our beauty team and inspired by models' hair from Christian Dior's fall runway. We swear this quickie updo is so pulled-together that no one will be able to guess you swapped hair styling time for a few extra Z's. And bonus: Post-work, let the polished bun down to show off some fun, beachy waves at happy hour.
Create a Soft Glow (With Just One Product!)
Lucky for us girls, monochromatic makeup —using the same shade all over— is in and, better yet, the look requires only one product. Celeb makeup artist Troy Jensen (who's clients include A-Listers Jennifer Lopez, Eva Mendes, and Gwyneth Paltrow) says you can nail the trend by sweeping bronzer or blush onto cheeks, eyelids and lips with a small eyeshadow blending brush. So simple, right? And our Beauty Editor April Franzino suggests sticking with a peach, if you go the blush route as pink or fuchsia potentially gets into pink eye territory (and didn't we see enough of that thanks to Bob Costas?).
Make Breakfast To-Go
Omelet in a mug — it's a thing, ladies. It's quick, delicious (nutritious, of course), and portable. Try whipping up this five-ingredient protein-packed breakfast just before you head out the door.


text:
Review the new 2014 Federal Employees' Group Life Insurance (FEGLI) Handbook
Answering your questions about Healthcare and Insurance
Human Resources and Security Specialists should use this tool to determine the correct investigation level for any covered position within the U.S. Federal Government.
Visit this federal site to search for our regulatory notices, proposed and final rules.
See the latest tweets on our Twitter feed, like our Facebook pages, watch our YouTube videos, and page through our Flickr photos.
Yes. There is no longer a restriction that would bar a student from working at the same agency as his/her parent. The only requirement is that the parent and student have no direct reporting relationship and that the relative not advocate the employment, promotion or advancement of the student. See 5 CFR 5 CFR § 213.3202(a)(7) and (b)(7).
There was an unexpected error when performing your action.
Your error has been logged and the appropriate people notified. You may close this message and try your command again, perhaps after refreshing the page. If you continue to experience issues, please notify the site administrator.


text:
Cemeteries and Crematorium | Cemeteries and Crematorium Fees and Charges | Burial Procedures | Cremation Procedures | Cemetery and Crematorium Location MapOur online cemetery search is available to locate the burial records of people buried in New Plymouth District. Please enter the name of the person you are looking for in the space provided below, and the year of death (if known).
Links to cemetery maps are available on a number of record searches displayed. These show the general area of the cemetery in which the plot can be found, e.g. "block 16, plot number 306 within an area numbered 1 to 536" will be found slightly beyond the halfway point of Block 16.
Crematorium records will be shown along with cemetery records when search results are displayed. These can give the appearance of the name being entered twice - closer examination will reveal the word "cremation" in the cemetery name field. Dual listings of names appear where a person has been cremated and family/friends have interred their ashes in a cemetery. An inspection of the second burial record will show their resting place.
The cemetery search results are not intended to contain all information available on the deceased. There may be errors or omissions in the data presented, and we do not accept responsibility for any effects arising from them. Should any corrections need to be made to the records or for more information, please contact us.