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|My little boy has just turned 7mths and after a chest infection, his night times were awful!!! Once better, he still expected to be cuddled and fed to sleep and my partner and I were simply exhausted. He would go to bed at 7pm, but only after a breastfeed or bottle and being rocked to sleep in our arms. Then he would wake between 3-5 times in the night (and we would have to feed and rock again, sometimes taking up to an hour to settle). I was interested in the controlled crying method as I had heard it worked, but i was worried to try it as I hated the thought of my baby crying.
But we simply had enough and nothing else was working, so we put a date on the calender, when we had nothing planned in the day (encase we had no sleep) and we went for it.
The first night, i made sure i fed him in another room and waited for 15 minutes to make sure he had no wind. I then calmly put him in his cot and said night night. I followed the steps and checked on him etc.... and after 45minutes he fell asleep. When i found the crying hard, i just concentrated on the fact that all his needs had been met and that this would be good for both of us (as he needs a full nights sleep as well as I do).
Well, by the third night, he only woke once (at 4am) and after 20minutes of crying, he went back to sleep. By night 4, he slept from 7pm to 730am!!!! Unbelievable!!!! It really works, but you have to be strict and follow the steps, dont go backwards and start picking up, cuddling, feeding etc... as you are giving mixed signals.
My little boy had gone from having an average 3 milk feeds in the night, to nothing. I figured that as he was eating so well in the day, he did not need night feeds, it was for comfort and nothing else. Well he has now shown me that he can sleep 12hrs and is in a fantastic mood when he wakes and loves me no less.
It isnt easy listening to your baby cry and sound so upset, but its for such a short period of time, that they will forget. I wouldnt recommend the controlled crying for a child under 6mths as Id want to be confident they were getting enough food in the day.
Thanks so much for this article as it has changed my life. I can now look after my 2yr old and 7mth old in the day and not feel like a zombie.
Oh, and nap times in the day are great. I just pop him in the cot and he falls asleep in minutes.
|by kiorabora
|20th Jun 2013, 3:32pm
|Attempting the crying down method for the first time tonight. Baby went down no problem after bedtime routine at 7:30, however when he woke for his feed at 10:30 he didn't want to go back to sleep. He cried for about 18 minutes, and I went in twice to see him and reassure him. It has now been nearly 10 minutes that he has been quiet, and I'm crossing my fingers that he's done crying! Those 18 minutes of crying were hideously painful and I pray I'll never have to listen to him cry for hours like some people say they do.......but we'll see what the rest of the night brings (and the next few days!) Wish me luck :)
|by sjarvis
|20th Jun 2013, 3:31pm
|I'm all for sleep training and it's done wonders for us. But I am concerned about letting baby cry for over an hour. That's really extreme. Also, starting sleep training when a baby is 6 weeks is too young. There are milk supply issues (establishing them) and the baby is too young to self soothe. I'm not confident that this thread is offering solid information. I suggest to the mothers on here to cross-reference sleep training information Baby Sleep Site and baby center are two other sources. I don't normally respond to posts of any kind, but the information on this thread is disconcerting. And Brittk, 80 minutes of crying is way too long.
|by cgson
|20th Jun 2013, 3:16pm
|@Mammy83 Even if you don't read this I'm still going to post it. Sometimes being a good mother is teaching your child what they need to be happy and more importantly HEALTHY. And MAYBE the baby is crying because it's TIRED! and the best thing you can do is TEACH him/her how to sleep. If a baby has been fed,burped,played with,given a bath,and changed and is still cranky it's because they need to go to sleep. I think, no I KNOW, not helping your LO learn good sleep habits is doing far more damage than good. We are not always going to be able to be there for a children, they will have to eventually learn coping skills and it's much easier on them when they learn at an earlier age. You don't have to just abandon them and not let them know you are there, hence the name, CONTROLLED crying method! You do go in and soothe them and if they settle as soon as they see you it's a good sign that they aren't in pain, but simply over-tired. So please you continue to do it your way and we will do it ours with a much happier rested baby and mommy. Do you have more than one child???I'm gonna go with probably not, but if you do I'd say you must be pretty exhausted.
|by Dannygrl1021
|20th Jun 2013, 3:05pm
|To those who have problems with their neighbours, just remember at one point they were screaming babies too! And if they ask you to keep it down, just tell them that you are bringing in a new routine that will mean that your baby will be asleep earlier and for longer and so will cry less in the long run.
I have just done the first night with my 14 month old which took 2 1/2 hours to get Izzy to sleep but she was out by 11pm which is a massive improvement on the 12.30pm most nights. I woke her up at 7am to say goodbye to daddy as he went to work. I have just put her down for her 1st daytime nap and she took 30 mins to go to sleep. Although if I go and check on her as it is suggested she tends to get up and start screaming louder, so am not sure whether I should extend the time between visits. For now I will stick to the schedule. I think I am going to enjoy this as she has previously only napped for 5-10minutes after alot of effort, but she has now been down for 15 minutes and shows no sign of stirring! Woohoo! Good luck to everyone and keep up the goodwork! By the way if you have noisy neighbours it may be worth putting on some nursery tunes in the back ground so little one wont be disturbed by it. Hope that helps. :D
Update:Night 2 We put her to bed at 7pm and she took till 10pm to settle. She woke at 2am then took 1 hour to settle and slept till 7am. Day time naps took about 20 mins to settle today.
Update: Night3 We put her to bed after bath and story at 7pm and was asleep by 9pm :D then slept through till 7am :D Day time naps today were 30 mins to settle then 1 hour sleep :D. Its going well!
Update: Its now been 2 weeks, she still cries for 20-25 minutes but then settles herself by 19:30 and will sleep till 7am and if I let her she sometimes goes to 8:30am! She also goes down for an hour/hour and a half at 11:30am everyday. So glad I tried this I can now do housework and have some me time whilst she sleeps :D
Update: DD is almost 3 and still sleeps 12 hours at a night with the occasional wake up for a cuddle. Her little brother had the same regime applied and at 1 he now shares her room and they both go down at 7pm and up at 7-8am :D x
|by Rarasully
|20th Jun 2013, 2:34pm
|I tried this method because my 7 mo. baby would only go to sleep while being fed even if he wasn't hungry. He stopped using his paci when he started teething and doesn't want to be held, rocked, etc.
So far I'm on day 4. When it come to naps, he does wonderful. He'll cry no more than 5 minutes. More grumbling then crying. Bed time is a little more difficult. He is starting to drop from 3 naps to 2 and so our bedtimes differ day to day.
Day 1: 80 minutes of crying
Day 2: 20 minutes
Day 3 & 4: 30 minutes but fell asleep as soon as I came into the room.
I'm hopeful it'll get better.
|by Brittk
|31st Jan 2012, 10:43am
|So glad ive found this site. Ive read all the info on controlled crying and your comments and they have been a great help. well i hope so anyway.. my 6 month old has never had a problem sleeping at night but for the past month shes had a cold and teething thats broken her good habits. health visitor has said babies get into a routine of waking up!! HORRIBLE!! My baby goes to sleep lovely once she had her bath and bottle which im so thankful for but now wakes in the night and wont settle back to sleep.. I was so confused at first, thought she was still suffering with teething so when she wouldnt settle brought her downstairs and slept on sofa!! I now very much regret this. My baby now wnats me to pick her up!! I Tried giving the technique a go last night but after 1 hour picked her up and rocked her to sleep!! Didnt stay asleep for long though, she woke 1 hour later!! at that point i got her and got back in my bed!! feel so bad for her as its my fault for taking her downstairs all them times!!! I now know ive got to do this for her and for me!! Shes also very bad at sleeping through the day and id resolved to ignore this but reading above and below im defo going to crack day times naps aswell!!
Well hopefully Il be able to post come positive comments over the next few days. Fingers Crossed... Good luck everyone else giving this a go
Day 1 of controlled crying
Well unusually but greatfully my baby slept through the night. she hasnt done this in a while. Not sure if she heard me speaking about controlled crying. This morning i was very worried about using cc for nap times but gave it a go. Baby appeared tired (always rubs her eyes) 2 hours after waking at 7.45am. Put her in cot with soft blanket and dummy. By the time i ran my bath she had gone to sleep with only a few wimpers! I was thiking is it really going to be this easy. It came to afternoon, baby had lunch bottle plays on mat for a while then showed signs of tiredness. (earlier than usual) but maybe i normally miss these signs! Took upstairs with blanket and dummy. she cried for 5minutes but not screaming, went in gave her dummy said SHHH then left room after 2 minutes. Crying started and went on for another 10 minutes (real screaming this time) went in gave dummy, Done this several times until 2.10pm crying stopped went and checked and she had fallen asleep. In summary put baby down for sleep at 1:20pm cried until 2:10pm. Doing this has given some hope for night time CC. Hossible to see baby so upset but appears worth it at moment.
Any advise..... as wernt sure how long i should carry on with CC during nap times. Normally baby sleep for half an hour! but taking so long to fall asleep solids for lunch is going to be a very late lunch at roughly
Day 2+ A going very well, baby started waking at night. learnt ver quickly to send her self back to sleep. getting easier hearing her cry. so be assured it does get easier and well worth it. im now not dreading nap times or night times so much.
|by rebeccac0134
|19th Dec 2011, 4:38pm
|Well having read advice and all the comments I am going to attempt the controlled crying method. My baby is 6months until this past week she has never cried always smiling and bed for 8pm but... Up every hour for a feed for 24 hours a day for 5 and half months whilst I breast fed. I havestopped feeding now utterly exhausted with two other children to look after as well. My baby (unlike my older two) just won't sleep she wakes four, five, six times a night but has now started crying if I am not holding her when she goes to sleep. It's so distressing to hear her so upset but I cant manage. So fingers crossed my beautiful happy baby returns after a few weeks of teaching her she can sleep alone and it's ok.
|by Wornoutshattered
|7th Dec 2011, 2:09pm
|Hi all. I have 4 kids, my first slept through from being 4month old. My next baby used to wake me a min of 10times a night if i was lucky. I was told about controlled crying i tried it a week before she was one year old. First night was horrendous, second night she was ba thed slept from 8pm til 5am she stood up in the cot, i lay her back down covered her she slept til 7am amazing! That was 8yearsago. I did the same with my 3rd baby, similar story and now my 11month old baby girl was giving me the same trouble up until Friday night. I bathed her, put her to bed at 9pm. She woke me 5times til 2.40am then slept right though til 7.40am. Sat night she was bathed bed at 9pm, she slept all the way through til 7.30am. I could not believe it.- today she did not have her usual sleep in the afternoon, she stayed awake quite happily til 8pm she slept and is right now next to me fast asleep in her own little world. So it does work
|by chocolateorange4
|30th Nov 2011, 9:31am
|Personally, I couldnt leave my baby crying until they are so distressed that they are sick. I have made the choice to have a baby nd accept that there are some sacrifices to be made! If my baby is crying then there is a reason behind it and it is my job as amother to get to.the bottom.of it. Babys cant tell.us whats wrong, so surely leaving them to cry when they could be in pain or feeling insecure will only fo damage. It doesnt feel nice as an adult!
|by mammy83
|18th Nov 2011, 4:37pm
|hi im abbie and have a nearly 5 month old baby. i want to ask all the people leaving negative comments about controlled crying if you actually have nay children? because you blaitantly do not understand how tired being a parent can be and they need theyre so shouldnt be up at 3.30 4.30 5.30 in the morning rocking theyre baby to sleep for an hour especially when they have work the next day. i have been doing controlled crying for about a month now and my daughter will still not get herself of to sleep by herself. will it just never work with her? she unsually sleeps threw untill 4:30 from 8:00 whcih is so much better than when she was first born untill she was 3 months when she was waking up every hour. i get all my sleep from wen she goes to bed untill she wakes up then the rest of the time i dont mind getting her to sleep. cant make my mind up on wether to stop it for now and try again in a few months? reply to the comment below its quite normal for him to sleep short naps in the day but you might find is you done the controlled crying he would be better in the day aswell. got to really stick at it though i kept on going in and getting my daughter after 10 mins in the beggining and sort her out the my health visitor told me doing that is just teacher her if she acts up enough she knows you will give in if x
|by abbietaiyamai
|12th Sep 2011, 9:33am
|Hi, I'm a new mum, well, not THAT new because our little boy is 1 year old next week 26 Aug 2011. We're battling with his sleeping patterns. He doesn't sleep well during the day, I'm back at work unfortunately, my husband works abroad and our little boy has a nanny during the day. I know I've done "bad" parenting in the past, in all honesty we didn't know any better so we rocked our little bubs to sleep every night and only put him in his cot when he is fast asleep. He was only moved into his own bedroom a few months ago and does not mind sleeping in his own bedroom, in his cot (myhusband and I are in the bedroom next door), anyway, he has cat naps during the day, around 8am for about half an hour, then sometimes late morning for half an hour (maybe an hour, if we're lucky) and then only sometimes in the afternoon he will sleep for an hour. At night time, once he's had his bath, I give him his dinner and get him ready for bed. I've tried reading to him but can't hold him and read to him because he just wants to tear or eat the book, I cna't put him in his cot to read to him because he just stands up and cries, I've tried lying him on the bed with me to read to him but again, he crawls all over me and starts yabbering in his own language, he basically does everything he can to stay awake when I know he's very tired because he rubs his eyes and yawns but he tries to keep himself awake. Then once I've rocked him to sleep I put him into his cot (that is around 7:30pm/8:00pm) and he will sleep through until about 10:30pm/11:00pm, he normally always goes to sleep with a dummy (he likes it to soothe) then he wakes up around 10:30pm (I used to give him milk but now I just put the dummy back in his mouth and shshshshsh him and he goes back to sleep), he then wakes up around 1:30am and he wont go back to sleep until he has his milk, I feed him whilst he is lying down so he goes straight back to sleep, but then he wakes up again around 3:30am, again 4:30am and then wide awake at 5:30am and wants to play (the 3:30am and 4:30am he wakes just to put his dummy back into his mouth), he can't find his dummy on his own, I've tried putting lots of them in his cot but he just can't do it himself so I have to get up, put it in his mouth and he goes back to sleep. sometimes early morning I have to actually rock him back to sleep otherwise he will just stand in his cot and cry and makes himself more awake. What am I going to do, PLEASE HELP !!! My back hurts so much from picking him up and holding him and I'm soooooooo tired, it's getting beyond a joke. I really want to try the controlled crying but I'm nervous because he doesn't sleep well during the day either and they're just short catnaps so how can I make him sleep longer if he only just starts going to sleep if he "has" to wake up and only sleeps for half an hour at a time. Will he sleep better during the day if I try the controlled crying at night. Can I try the controlled crying at night FIRST, get that right and then do it during the day too? Reason i ask is becuse my little boy has a nanny during the day so not sure how consistent she would be with the controlled crying method if I was doing it at night. PLEASE HELP ME - I NEED URGENT ASSISTANCE AS I'M ON MY OWN, HUBBY WORKING ABROAD AND I'M NOT SLEEPING AND HAVE TO WORK DURING THE DAY - YAWN !!! SO OOOOO TIRED !!! THANKS
|by tiredmumsy
|22nd Aug 2011, 11:54am
|Wow I'm so glad we found this page. Lucy is just turned one and has been driving us crazy for the last few months. Sduring the day she is such a happy cheeky monkey, she goes down to sleep no problem (although Must admit I cuddle her to sleep). For the last few months most nights have been terrible. Waking up, crying, won't go back down. Won't go back sleep. It's been so hard to find anything that works for us as a family as my partner works shifts and I have 2 other children. We were at our waits end tonight, so we decided to give it a try as the other kids don't need to be up early.
I sat here reading all your posts and you stopped me giving up!! After just under an hour she is now asleep! It would normally take a few hours to fuss over her and get her settled. I hate hearing her cry but you know your baby's different cries and she was just annoyed that I wasn't going in when she wanted. I hops she's still my friend in the morning lol.
Well daddy is snoring away next to me so I think he approves of the result. Good luck everyone x
|by Tiredandgrumpymummy
|28th Jul 2011, 11:58am
|2nd night of controlled crying. My baby is SCREAMING! It's heart breaking, absolutely horrid! I'm not sure how long till I cave and give her a cuddle. She's so unhappy...
|by TiredLady
|25th Jul 2011, 10:27am
|Hello everyone,
I came accross with this site on desperation,exhaustion and a back pain for swaying every day/night my baby to fall asleep. My daughter today turned 7 months old and since day one I was what the say an "attached parent". My husband and I are first parents, so you know what does that mean.
I read soooooooooo many books/sites while pregnant (Baby Wise, Ask Dr.Seuss etc) you know, like coaching myself on what was coming ahead. The truth is we never know what kind of baby we're a going to end up having. Long story short, I learned through the day by day that my baby was/is a Sensitive/Perceptive/Adaptable one.
Believe you me, I thought my baby wasn't normal and cried so many days and nights in desperation, because it was difficult for me to put her asleep and didn't know what to do. So I read about "white noise" and gave it shot. That's when I understood she was a sensitive baby to noises and so to light and was easily overstimulated by almost anything. So this kept me away from implementing her the sleep training and instead I implemented the Attached parenting, which it helped for a while due to her temperament.
Don't get me wrong, I did tried the CC method before, when she was 2months old (before knowing she was Sensitive and easily overstimlated), because she wasn't sleeping her naps and waking up every 15 mins. I was so concerned, because as far as I understood (read, heard etc) newborns are suppose to sleep most of the time, but my baby wasn't and she ended up getting overstimulated and overtired at night.
I did my research, talked to a friend who is a pediatrician and told me to wait when she was 4 months old because she was going to come along. When she was 3 1/2 she started soothing herself most of the times at night when I put her in her crib............ and I say to myself "wooooooooooo she's coming along, she's learning to soothe herself,HOORAYY" and then at 4 months old some days she wanted to be in her crib and will fall asleep, but sometimes needed me, and of course mommy was there for her. Then she turned 5 months old and suddenly wanted mom again to put her asleep, and she wasn't getting any lighter and again kept my "Attached parenting" approach.
Anyways I started the CC method yesterday, because I couldn't take anymore of this "Attachment Parenting" approach neither my back. I think I have done fair enough and my baby knows how much love she has and how of a good mommy she has.
It was affecting me, her and my husband. I was even becoming rude sometimes with my baby and then felt guilty afterwards because, really it's not her fault she's the way she is and has always being hard for her to fall asleep on her own.
So I gave it a try and here I am, well rested, happy and so is she. Yesterday she slept from 7:45 p.m. to 7:45 a.m., woke up for 1 breastfeeding at 3:30 a.m. and put her in her cot drowsy and fell alseep withouth hesitation.
Today is my 2nd day, and she went to sleep for bedtime after 20 mins of little on and off cry,didn't have to enter her room at all for reassurance and there she is in Dreamland, while I'm writing to you moms my experience.
I have to admit I was afraid of doing this, because I didn't know if I could tolerate my baby crying inconsistently, but after I read all of the testimonials submitted here, it REASSURED ME to give it a try and be courageous and consistent. Also my hubby has been very supportive.
My daughter's has always been a good night sleeper, I'm still breastfeeding her and she only wakes up 1 time in the middle of night, which I have read is normal. My problem was with her naps and always being restless because they were catnaps. It frustrated me we couldn't make plans for playdates because eventhough I put her into a "routine", she will wake up after 40 or 45 mins of her sleeping cycle and it was driving me crazy, since babies at this age need a total of 12-14 hours sleep, 2-3 hrs during the day and 11-12 at night.
I'll give you my updates tomorrow on my 3rd day :)
And yes you need to recognize your baby's cry when applying the CC method. If it's a distressed one of course enter the room immediately to see why your baby is in discomfort. Also need to know when is the ideal time to implemented. Like I said before, it didn't work when my daughter was 2 months old,nor 3 nor 4, but now that she's 7months old and understands much more of what is surrounding her seemed the perfect time for her and for us.
All I have to say is that everyone is happy now.
Today is the 3rd day and she's been sleeping from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., which is good. But today she only had 2 naps a 45 mins in the morning, because she was pooped and that woke her up. I tried putting her back to sleep again, but really she was madly crying (I know to recognize her cryings), so there was no point putting her to suffer and we all went out for breakfast. When we return home I put her for a second nap (it took her 35 mins. to settle herself) and again she woke up from her 1st cycle of sleeping, cried a lil bit so there was no need to enter the room to reassure her. She slept for 2hrs and woke up around 15:45. At 6:15 we started our bedtime routine, but she was sooooooo tired. I breast fed her and my baby didn't want to let me go. As soon as I put her in her crib she started crying. I have to say I felt sad and wanted to go back and grab her, but I said to myself "Ok today is the 3rd day, we have accomplished so much for now to give up?" Anyways after 10 mins of crying she fell sound asleep.
I do think she's coming along :)
|by Mushyhappymom
|25th Jul 2011, 10:27am
|I started looking more into CC when my 7month old daughter started waking 3-4 times dueing the night about 6 weeks ago. up until that point she had been sleeping 7pm - 6.30/7.30am quite successfully in her own room and cot, and was still having 2-3 30min-1hour naps dueing the day. I only left it so late, as my husband got deployed just before it all started, so thought that the change of him not being around might of knocked her out off whack. Coupled with the fact that my HV said that at about 6 months i should expect a growth spurt which might mean she would be waking to feed more often...i grinned and barred it till she wasn't really taking much from the bottle but still waking 3-4 times. thats when i decided that CC might be the way forward. Night 1- it took 10 minutes where she didn't really cry but more shouted, woke once at 4am *so i topped her off with a short bottle to be on the safe side and changed her nappy* then she woke for the day at 6.30am. i thought brilliant...i repeated these steps for 4 more nights....each night her wake up getting earlier again and quite restless. she started to get more clingy in the day, and if i left the room started to cry. after 4 days of this i was getting worried, wasn't till the following morning whist playing, that she bit me - and low and behold, the sharp edge of her first tooth. since then i have brought calpol and ashton power into bedtime while the rest of her tooth is cutting. she wakes once for a hug, top off and some more ashton at between 3-4am but then sleeps till 6.30am.
Basically what trying to say is.......IF your wee one has only just started doing this recently - do NOT rule out other reasons that could be effecting s/he sleep. i do agree with CC when needed,its worked wonders for many of my friends and kids but i felt so bad when it turned out to be teething. i will be making sure in future that there is nothing going on with her before i implement it again.
|by Arne
|20th Jun 2011, 8:54am
|I have had the most amazing experience with control crying method.. Tried baby whisperer, read the book top to bottom, for 8 weeks all I got is a confused and agonized baby.Hours of shsh and pat, hours of staring at her, PU-PD,endless hours of trying to get her to sleep. Always thought she can't fall asleep by herself.
She had always been a very clingy little one, since she's had colic, I thought that was normal. But I was at my wit's end, to be getting up 3 times a night, and fed up with people telling it's normal babies get you up..
Tried this cc method out of desperation, had tried to use this method when she was 5 months old, did'nt worked, she just cried and cried. Now she's just over 6 months, so I though I had to give it a go.
First day-
Solids at 6:30, bath at 7, put sleep suit on and story time at 7:30. Give her top up of breast milk, make sure she had a long drink.Just sit with her for about 20-30 mins, no eye contact, no movement. And put to bed by 8pm. She starts crying after 2 mins. Waited 8 mins to go in, stroked her head, said 'good night, you are only going to sleep' and leave after 2 mins.
And she's cry and cry for another 10 mins, go in again and repeat. Shocked to discovered she had vomited all over bed, and felt awful, changed her sheet quickly, and tuck her back in, and leave her within 2 mins. I thought it won't end, but miraculously, she had a sudden scream, and felt to sleep.
She woke up 3 times that night, and everytime I did'nt need to go in, since she's sooth herself back to sleep within 5 mins. Did wondered should I breastfeed her middle of the night, and thought otherwise, since she's very dependent on the comfort of breastfeeding middle of the night.
2nd day- I was dreading about nap time, since there is not much written about nap time, and 20 mins?? I was it was too long, did follow any way, and she's screamed and was very unhappy, but when I go in after 15 mins, she's was asleep.
Woke up after 20mins of nap, and start to babble. I let her babble and did'nt go in for another 20mins, only went in after when she starts crying for 5 mins.
I think she really need to learn that I won't rush in when she crys.
I get her out of bed, know that she's wide awake, and got her in to meal time. I know she's wide awake, no point to try to get her to sleep. Meal and play, and first sign of tireness, I read a story to her again, and bed time for her.
Then miracle had happen, she was asleep with no crying at all in 2 mins!
Since then, she was asleep in her nap time within 2 mins!!
Night time same routine,and daddy put her to bed with story, and she was asleep the minute he put her down, and she woke up around 10:30, cry for 5mins, and went back to sleep. Resist the urge to dream feed her, and hooray, she woke up at 6:30! I had a very sore breast by then, finally she had a small feed. That shows that all this night feeding, was only for comfort, she was not hungry at all. So we will see about the 3rd day, but I am simply so happy!!
I feel like we had taught her this gift of sleeping, and not a distress baby!
|by 88baby
|17th May 2011, 5:32pm
|After having two children already you'd think I would be a whizz at all this but it is amazing how quickly you forget! I now have a newborn 7weeks and she is waking during the day after 45mins. I have decided no more rocking or picking up and walking around. Any tips on getting her back to sleep and how long do I give it before I get her up?
Would I then put her down earlier for her next sleep if she has only slept 45mins? I also have to be realistic with a four and six year old with school and after school activities.....
|by TAO
|9th Mar 2011, 8:46am
|My baby girl is 11 months now & is still breastfed. I am going back to work in April part time & she was going down at 8pm - when I say going down I mean falling asleep on the breast, then I'd have to creep to her cot & cross my fingers she wouldn't wake up or I'd end up having to latch her back on again to settle her. Even if I managed to get her in her cot she would wake up at least 2 or 3 times before midnight & at least twice in the early hours. Some evenings I would try get a bath or get in the bath to have to get out again a couple of times as she'd wake up !!! I ended up co-sleeping too every night for months. She was iggledy piggldly too in the daytime not really having proper naps & only sleeping on the sofa & some days would fall asleep at tea time. Unfortunately, as all mummies know, the health visitors & midwives are great but they never really asked me about my sleeping routine, or gave me advice about making sure I put her in her cot awake so she could get herself to sleep, they just gave me a pat on the back for breastfeeding.
My baby has also never taken to a dummy or a blanket or any sort of comforter as she's always had me & the breast, I'm her
source of comfort.
After speaking to a health visitor last Monday she gave me advice on controlled crying. I thought I'd start that evening whilst still fresh in my head plus I was geared up to do it. I found this website & decided to use the step by step guide As just that - a guide. All babies are different and using your common sense you should know instinctively what sort of cry your baby is doing & whether it's just for attention or they are genuinely distressed, in which case you would see to them obviously.
So night one: we start the bedtime routine at 7pm. We have a bath, put on pj's & I dim the bedroom lamp. I lay on my bed with her ( oh!! She shares our bedroom too as we're renovating & have only 1 bedroom at the mo until we extend upstairs to a 3 bed! That's why I thought this would be so much harder!) we look at a baby book & I sing to her quietly, then I give her a breastfeed, making sure she has a good long drink. She fell asleep on the breast so I gently woke her - as advised by the hv- and put her down in her cot, she started crying immediately but I tucked her in & kissed her & said lovingly "goodnight time to go to sleep". And I left the room. I sat outside the door & listened. I knew she was well fed & only crying for my attention so I left it 5 mins before going in & stroking her head. I then left it 10 mins, then 15. She really started crying & that's when I felt like crying, daddy brought me a cup of tea to my sitting spot! I heard her coughing & knew she was going to be sick ( babys are sick more easily as their gag reflex is more prominent for obvious reasons) I rushed in with a towel, sat her up in her cot & got the sick, then I made sure her bedding didn't need changing & I laid her back down, reassured and left again. After 45 mins total she was asleep. She woke up a couple more times but I just went in reassured her & she was asleep within 10 mins. She woke at 1.30am & I left her 30 mins crying but I felt bad for my partner as he had to be up and I did fall asleep with her feeding. The next morn she was her happy little self, no mental scarring or Rumanian baby syndrome (which I think is absolutely ridiculous to compare orphaned babies chained to beds to our love smothered babes whose crying we are controlling- it's totally different (to all worried mums), let's use our common sense here)
Day 2; I decided she would have a nap after dinner. I laid her in my gran's bed, as that's where we were- & she started crying. I checked on her after 5 mins, then 10. I also noticed she didn't have any tears!!! So I didn't go in again & after 25 mins total she was asleep for an hour- on a strange bed. In the evening everything was the same as the evening before, then down at 8pm. ( I had a bath run & waiting too but I was prepared to wait) I sat outside her door, at 8.02 all was quiet & asleep!! She slept til 2am at which point I hadn't slept to be honest as I was on edge waiting for her to wake up. I was so tired we co-slept ( I know, vereeeee bad of me!!!)
Day 3,4 & 5 were pretty much the same, settling within 20 mins for all naps & night times. But, as I was thinking about my partner I was still putting her in with me.
Day 6: my partner said he wanted us to do this so he would sleep in the room so as I could let her cry longer in the early hours. In bed at 8pm, settled within 20 mins. Awake at 9pm, decided to give it 20 min before going in ( and apart from the 1st night the crying isn't a distressed cry, it's like a half-hearted grizzle) she settled herself. It was the same at 10pm too. Then I went to bed & she awoke at 11.35. With no daddy to worry about I let her cry. It was on & off for 2 hours, she kept crying for a few mins then sleeping for 10. I had decided if she did start crying I would leave her 20 mins before reassuring rather than 45 mins as above. By 1.30am I gave her a breastfeed which she took ( plus babies over 6 months should be able to go 6 hours of an evening without their next feed) I then made sure she was awake & put her in he cot ( I was sooo exhausted I hadn't got to sleep myself yet!) it took 20 mins laying there listening to her, but then she slept til 4.30am. I waited long enough to see if she would settle, then decided to feed her. Put her back & she slept til 7am.
Today: as we were up so early I put her down for a morning and afternoon nap. She settled both times within 10 mins. This evening we followed our usual routine & once she was finished feeding it was like she wanted to go in her cot!! She pushed me away & arched her back wanting to be laid down. So I put her in her cot & she turned her head & closed her eyes before I'd even tucked her in! There wasn't a sound & she's still asleep, so fingers crossed for tonight. Although I won't resort to co-sleeping again. I plan to use 20 mins as my guide before reassurance & my common sense for feeding.
I realize people have strong opinions regards leaving a baby to cry but babies only know what we teach them. In my case I took the "they're only babies once" approach & I've not put her down since she was born, cuddling kissing & loving her. But at the same time, like my hv said to me, babies need to learn how to shutout noise & disturbance & get themselves to sleep. They also need to learn how to control their emotions. Some of the comments with references to Rumanian babies as I mentioned earlier, & chillyhilys comment below being sarcastic about leaving the house, these may put other mums off trying this. You have to sit & listen so you can time everything anyway, and to keep track of how your baby cries which is how you would know if they're sick as I did, or hurt, their cry would change!!! You don't leave them to scream, go switch the music up & hope they stop. Jeeeeez.
I personally would use controlled crying on a baby 9 months plus, but you have to adjust the time guides to suit you & your baby too. If you going in every 5 mins makes them worse leave them 15 and see if that works.
I also believe any mummies on their own out there should join a mums n tots group so you can discuss this stuff with other mums, it's good for you & your baby. It's amazing how many mums I've spoken to & my friends who have babies have done cc. I would also advise like one of the other mums has, make sure your baby is well & not teething, and once you start perservere!! I believe because my baby is settling so well that had I not have co-slept the early hours last week she would probably have slept through more by now.
And lastly, my hv said things might get worse before they get better so don't be dis-heartened if you have a good night then a bad one, keep timing & reassuring.
Hope this helps - sorry for the long windedness! X
|by Maiasmummy
|17th Feb 2011, 8:58am
|I am a mom of 2 beautiful girls and with my 5 year old we used the cc technique she always went to bed with no problem once she started to settle herself and has always been fab at going to bed even now. She sleeps all night and is a very bright little girl who is top of her class. She had no problem with her brain development due to the cc method as mentioned on one of the posts nor has it affected her emotionally. She is a social, happy little girl and we have just started the method with our 2 month old and this is the 2nd night she settled after 20 min as opposed 2 an 1hour last night. It works and does not mean I love my children any less. If they get their sleep it makes them a happier baby/child just like us adults.
Went to sleep after 3 minutes with a little cry, last night.
|by momof2girls
|14th Feb 2011, 9:01am
|In principle, I agree with this plan on cc, but I wish I had done it earlier. My baby is nearly 2 years old, and refuses to sleep without being cuddled; he will say 'cuddle, cuddle', and throw a temper if he is refused. Today, he was tired. I gave him a cuddle, and told him that he should learn to sleep without (he can understand me). This resulted in screaming, where I slept on the bed, and he alternated between trying to sleep alone, and screaming down my ear. It lasted over 90 minutes, and I ended up giving up, feeling like the worlds worst father, and cuddling him. He fell asleep within ten second of being cuddled. Does anyone have any advice on how to train a two year old (who has learned how to climb out of his cot) to sleep alone??? He needs to learn, but he is very stubborn.
|by geewizz78
|4th Feb 2011, 5:19pm
|I'm on the first night of CC. My daughter is 6 1/2 months old & until very recently slept from
7pm -3am had a feed & would sleep until 8-8.30 am. Play for 30 minutes then have another sleep for 1 hour. She was well rested & cheerful. She has always fallen a sleep feeding & we would put her down sleeping at night. Then she started moaning & crying if we put her down in her cot. She would be fast a sleep when in our arms, the moment she felt her back touch the cot she would start crying/screaming. I
cut her last nap so by 7 she would fall asleep & once down sleep for 30-40 minutes before waking & crying. I always offer her a top up bottle & she normally has this all but she screams & cries even in my arms & it would take until gone 9pm to get her back down to sleep. She was waking at 8am still yawning
& within 30 minutes she would moan & while some days getting her to nap was ok other days she has thrown a 20 minute tantrum in my arms before finally falling a sleep for half an hour. Feeling like it's a vicious circle & fearing she isn't getting the rest she needs I decided to start CC.
I had read the comments on her before but because after 6 weeks she settled well didn't try CC & I do
think 6 months is a good starting age & wasn't happy to try before then. So she cried/screamed & moaned from 6.30-8.30. She started to go quiet from then onwards with little out bursts. At 9.30pm I went in gave her a bottle. She took her dummy after her bottle. I placed her in her cot & left the room. She didn't start screaming or crying. I checked in on her at 10pm as she hadn't made any noise & she was fast a sleep. I was elated to have her sleeping without my help. She woke up at 3.40am I went in to her, I
left the room to get a bottle ready for her. She burst in to tears for not even 30 seconds. When I came back up she was quietly playing. I fed her, changed her. Put her down. She put the dummy in her mouth sideways (bless) so I popped it in for her. Kissed her & left the room. She didn't moan, cry or scream. I heard her reach for a cot toy. Then all was quiet. Just popped my head in & she is sound a sleep. This is the first time she has had a night feed & dropped off so easily. Normally she is in my bed by now as I'm
so tired from waking due to her fussing.
It is the more "extreme method" but it is a quick result & fix which restores balance for all the family. I'm
happy to have slept from 10pm - 3.40 am that's nearly 6 hours of unbroken sleep on the first night. Even my brother said to my mum when she was baby sitting why are you holding her to sleep shouldn't she put herself to sleep. All his female friends babies are put in their cots & drop off after they play a little & how I should use the controlled crying method like they did
So while it's hard these comments stopped me from picking her up (other than for a feed) & babies are very smart & quickly pick up that crying or fussing won't get you anything more than a quick look in. I don't see how either a few nights of controlled crying will scar them for life. Daytime baby will be happy &
get lots of love, attention, play time, cuddles etc & there is no way my daughter will feel abandoned she gets lots of love & attention & her ever need is met. So stay strong.
I had 3 hours & was reading posts were babies went off within 20 minutes on the first night & thought oh hell it's not going to work for me but it did & I'll follow through with daytime naps to when I'm home.
Will keep you updated with progress. Good luck & thanks to everyone who posted it helped me from wavering when she was moaning for 2 hours solid.
Update: Yesterday morning my baby woke, refused to eat & was pretty out of character all day. She hardly fed & I was unable to get her to nap in the morning in her cot so she ended up napping when I took her out in the pram to walk the dog.
Thought I would however preserve & bedtime I fed her, bathed her, gave her a bottle & sang hush little baby which I always do. She was sleepy so I put her down. Then she began screaming worst than the night before. I found she got more & more upset & after 2 1/2 hours gave up
as she was getting more & more upset & when I checked in on her she up'd the screaming. She went down no problem at 9pm when id given in. At 10pm
She woke for a feed & went back down in my arms & I put her in her cot. She woke after 4am gave her w bottle she put herself back to sleep in her cot & again when she woke at 6am I popped the dummy in her mouth after changing her nappy she played for a few minutes then went off.
Guess this method is not for my baby. I read that it doesn't work with all babies (some may say I gave up too soon) but I also read some babies might not be ready until a little later for this technique & some babies are ready earlier. I also read it should take 30 minutes to work so definitely am not going to follow through with this. Might give it another shot in a month or so. Also I read up that if your baby is showing signs of being different when using the technique you shouldn't follow through - which I saw in my baby.
Today she woke up ok but her voice sounds a little corse poor thing. She is soundly sleeping next to me in my bed. I feel awful putting her through this & not recognising after yesterday morning that I shouldn't have tried to follow through with this.
So my advice really if your baby doesn't appear to be responding well then don't feel you need to follow through. I'm not saying give up after 5-20 minutes but if your baby is screaming more & more for a long period of time I'd stop.
|by Debrook
|24th Jan 2011, 9:08am
|Thank you to everyone who has posted on here. I am a single mum and have a beautiful 6 month old daughter. From 10 weeks old she slept through the night which was fantastic, up until about 6 weeks ago.
Its my own doing really but she had a dummy, was being swaddled and needed rocking to sleep. She started waking up every twenty minutes for her dummy, and would go straight back to sleep. I was absolutely exhausted.
We visited our health visitor yesterday who suggested we go cold turkey with the dummy and swaddling and just let her cry it out, checking on her frequently. I bathed her, took her straight to her bedroom, fed her , (I used to feed her downstairs) and then read her a bedtime story. I then put her in her cot, stroked her face and kissed her goodnight, and left her, she started crying straight away. I then checked every 5, then ten, then 15 etc and she took 1 hour and half to go to sleep. . It was heart breaking sat listening but she woke twice that night and settled herself within ten minutes each time until 8am.
I had problems with her naps today but did the same and eventually she went off (I just put her down half hour before she was actually due nap). Tonight is the second night and she has gone off after only half hour of crying. I really cant believe it, we will see if she wakes much tonight.
I found this site on the first night, like most other mums I believe, whilst sat here hearing her cry, I suppose we are just looking for reassurance that we are not being a bad parent . I keep telling myself its good for both of us in the long run.
For those concerned about neighbours, I popped round to mine the first night to warn them there may be extra crying for a few days so they didnt worry or get concerned, they seemed quite fine with it (We live one up one down) I'll post again in the morning to let you all know. Good look to you all. x
UPDATE: 3rd day, took 10 minutes for her nap today, and less than a minute for to go to bed. I really cant believe it. Shes not asking for her dummy during the day either.
UPDATE: 6th Day. My little baby is now going down for her nap within 1-3 minutes of me putting her down, and at night time, she does not cry at all now, she coo's for about a minute and drifts of to sleep. No dummies, no swaddiling, no teddies, no nothing, just plenty of love, kisses and affection directly before she goes down. Good luck to you all xx
|by Louisethedrummer
|17th Jan 2011, 3:21pm
|Well my son is now 8 months old and up until Christmas (which also happened to be when he got his first tooth and a bad cold) he has slept OK. By this I mean he slept from 8pm till 3am, woke for a feed, then fell asleep nursing and slept till around 7-8. He must have woken a few times other than this but I didn't wake.
HOWEVER, now he will not go down without being cuddled to sleep and usually wakes as soon as he is put back into his cot. I tried to let him cry it out last night and he cried for 3 1/2 hrs before my hubby begged me to bring him to bed with us. As it happened he woke again with a very high temperature and has been ill all day, now I feel bad for letting him cry!
So now I am reading up and looking for some tips to help me be more successful and feel less guilty next time. I have a few questions, When I start CC what do I do when my child is ill next time? Give up and start again when they are well? How long do I let my baby continue crying (and I mean sobbing) before changing tactics, I am certain he would still be crying now if I hadn't given in last night!
I'm so torn as to what is the best thing to do as he was sleeping well and now all the old tricks seem to just be encouraging bad habbits.
|by KylesMommy
|17th Jan 2011, 3:19pm
|My little girl has slept great up until we took a holiday to Florida to see family. As soon as she got used to the time difference over there it was time to come home. What's more, she was being rocked to sleep on holiday and slept with me and her daddy - big mistake. Ever since we got home she has had really bad separation anxiety, and now she's not sleeping at all. She's gone from 11 solid hours at night and 3 in the day to waking up 3 times in the night wide awake and upset I'm not there.
Tried the CC tonight for the first time. I did well - did what I was meant to and didn't beat myself up about it and then - on the 6th check she threw up everywhere. Not just spat up but was really ill. I feel awful - I rocked her to sleep and within 5 mins she's tucked up in bed fast asleep.
What do I do tomorrow - CC or not?
Update - - - Mummy's - I used cc for 2 nights - as I wrote - the first night was a nightmare, the second night thou - lots better - 3rd night - back to normal. It works. I'm not saying leave your baby to be so upset she's ill but keep with it. Routine really is key! Olivia now sleep from half 7pm till at least 7am.
|by OliviaLoisMummy
|7th Jan 2011, 8:58am
|members help me;my son is just 11/2 years and he takes the whole day without sleeping and again waits until 9.00pm to go to bed, have tried everything but faile. pliz help. ajalo
|by ajalo
|7th Jan 2011, 8:56am
|Hi helpmepls, and all the other mums who come across this!
My Son is 18 weeks old and I am on the 3rd night of Controlled Crying. Here's a quick breakdown of events: 1st night, settled after 1hour and 20mins. 2nd day settled down for his afternoon nap after half an hour, that night settled after 1 Hour 30 mins, 3rd day, settled for afternoon nap after 30mins, now he has been in his bed for 15mins, and is all ready settling. This is def working for me, BUT you must be strong and follow it properly.
HELPMEPLS, have you tried with or without lights on? Has she got a fav toy or a piece of clothing that smells of you? Has she got a mobile?
I really hope this helps some mums out there that had the same problem as me (rocking to sleep, falling asleep downstairs, and bed sharing!!!!)
I STRONGLY recommend this method, with regards to babies being sick etc, this stage should not last long so shouldn't be a problem.
Update: 3rd Night Asleep after 25mins. x
|by Samit19
|7th Jan 2011, 8:54am
|I have a 9mnth old babie wot has never been in a bedtime routine she has just. Got. Rid of broncitis so ive been sleeping her in pram now she wont sleep in her cot at all she wakes up when I take her to her cot.
|by suet71
|7th Jan 2011, 8:52am
|could someone please give me some advise i am going out my mind i've followed the steps above since my baby was 6 weeks old and they just wont work for us my baby girl is 10 weeks old and just wont go to bed it takes 3-4 hours per night to get her to sleep im up and down stairs like a yo yo i cant take much more she just wont stop crying please somebody help me quick
|by helpmepls
|5th Jan 2011, 9:12am
|hi everyone - I am mum to a 1 year old girl - which i adore. She has never slept through the night :(. I have just finished bfeeding her and she was getting to waking up just once in the night at about 530am and then she would come in and sleep next to me BUT she has just recovered from tonsilitus and gastrointeritus and was sleeping between me and hubby for 1 week as she had very high temp and was vomiting in sleep. Now last night I tried to put her down in her cot but she was not having any of it. She must be also going thru separation anxiety as i just put her for a nap in her pushchair which she loves to nap in and she cried for 1 hr 40 mins before she has finally just slept. Start as you mean to go on, tonight we are going to do controlled crying in her cot in her room - wish us luck! there are so many good posts on here - I plan to read them all when trying to console myself tonight with her crying. I will update on progress.
|by MammatoE
|23rd Dec 2010, 4:20pm
|Hi All,
I am a mother of a nearly 10 month old boy. We started the controlled crying nearly 2 weeks ago and it seemed to be working really well. My son hadn't up until then slept through the night once since birth! I really thought that we had turned a corner and then for the last 2 nights he has been waking during the night and last night was violently sick. I am concerned as I have read other women's comments that their children have also been sick from the crying and wondered how you all overcame it???
It would be great if you could please give me some advice as I don't know whether to return to CC method or not. Thanks for reading.
|by Tizmum
|16th Dec 2010, 9:25am
|Hi there,
I am a mother of 10 month old triplet boy's. We have been trying everything to get our boy's to sleep through the night. We are starting to get really exhausted. Plus they don't nap much during the day. I have to go back to work in 2 months, so we need to nip this in the bud ASAP!!! I am currently trying the CC method. I have all three boy's in separate rooms, didn't think it would work with them in the same room together. As this is the problem we have now, they wake each other up when crying. How long do we try this method when first starting off?? 1hr, 2hrs?? I can't let them cry all day can I?? We thought we would start during the day at first, as we are getting little sleep at night as it is?? Anyone want to comment, please help us??
|by slwmom
|13th Dec 2010, 8:45am
|Hello! I just wanted to share my experiences as I found the comments below from mums incredibly helpful. I tried sleep training for my 11 month old daughter after growing tired of sleeping on the chair in her nursery with my hands wedged between the slats of her cot! We are now on day three and she slept for 12 hours straight last night, falling asleep 20 mins after being put to bed, with me only needing to go to reassure her once. She has also just had her first successful day time nap (which are so much harder than bed time!) - again I only needed to go in once to reassure her. I understand 'scarletcat's concerns and I tried all kinds of different methods myself as crying it out did seem cruel. However, at nearly one year old, my little girl didn't seem to be able to get off to sleep, without significant help from me, so in desperation I started looking at different approaches. Personally, I wouldn't leave the crying to go on as long as suggested above, and in our case, checking on her every ten minutes seemed to work (I appreciate we may have been very lucky here!). The studies on crying seem to suggest that repeated periods of prolonged crying can have damaging effects. This is hugely scary for all mums, but my own feeling is that, if you can have success in 2-3 days and you are scrupulous about reassuring the little one and being consistent, that there shouldn't be lengthy periods of distressed crying. My own experience is that after the first night, the crying was more grizzling and shouting rather than true distress (again, I think we may have been lucky here!) I don't think it's the right approach for very little babes or for all parents. I think the best piece of advice I have had was to be consistent. Plan how you're going to reassure the little one and when, at a time when you haven't got a tired, crying baby and then stick to the plan. As my husband wasn't able to help take it in turns in the evening, I didn't attempt to implement a new routine until a time when my mum could come up for a couple of nights for moral and practical support - if you're lucky enough to have a willing grandma - rope them in! Good luck to all the tired mums out there! xxx
|by Catmum
|10th Dec 2010, 5:34pm
|Neurologists have studied the effect of crying it out methods (see 'the Science of Parenting') and found that it actually damages babies brain development to be left to cry it out. It actually teaches them a similar response to their environment to that of Rumanian orphans who rarely cry out as they have learnt that there is no point- there won't be any loving arms there to meet their emotional needs. I know how hard it can be when you're at the end of your tether with a crying baby- but there are gentler methods like those out lined in 'the No Cry sleep solution' by Elizabeth Pantley. Come on parents! Remember babies are only little once and for a very short time. Lots of loving when they are little will pay dividends for the rest of their lives, even it it is not always easy for us parents!
|by scarletcat
|10th Dec 2010, 8:34am
|HELP PLZZZZZZ my son is 16 months now and i really want him to go to sleep by himself and have a routine i put him down at 8 and leave him to cry but i feel soi bad i always go back up i don't no what to do please help or if anybody has any ideas of how i can get him into a bedtime routine
|by twinkle786
|7th Dec 2010, 8:42am
|HEEEEEELLLLPPPPPP my son is 18 months now and has never slept until after 5.30 5 am most night since birth unless he has been bought straight into my bed at 5 am. i stopped bringing him in now and trying this controlled crying but as a single parent this crying goes through yo.now if he wakes in the night he is screaming also. does anyone else have any more ideas or just persist with this??
|by kimbrown
|22nd Nov 2010, 3:38pm
|Wow, I can't believe this works, my son is nearly 9 months and from the age of about 7 months he started randomly waking through the night, I knew he was getting enough food and milk in the day, he would fall asleep on the bottle after his bath, I would put him in his cot after 1/2 an hour to an hour he would wake crying till about 12, I took him downstairs, gave him a bottle, cuddled, rocked him nothing would work till he was ready then the same thing would happen at around 2 o'clock in the morning for another 2-3 hours, I tried this method combined with keeping him awake in the day till dinner and letting him have one 2 hour nap, the 1st night he cried for 2hours, the 2nd and 3rd 40 mins and the 5th and 6th 4 minutes! I do the same for in the day and that was within 10 mins from the 1st day, to anyone who didn't want to try this but is so exhausted they are willing to try anything I really recommend this, I also found I was a lot less stressed with the crying because I was in control, I can't recommend enough! :)
|by Sebsmummy
|22nd Nov 2010, 3:36pm
|Our daughter has just celebrated her 1st birthday. We have co-slept since birth and she usually fell asleep breastfeeding, tho for daytime naps we started just cuddling her to sleep. We have been very attached since birth, using slings/carriers, breastfeeding & still are, cosleeping etc.
I am having surgery soon and we need her to sleep in her cot, Ive been dreading it but its a necessity. yes, it breaks my heart & we would keep her with us for the forseeable if we could.
Anyway, after many failed attempts of getting her to sleep in her cot, in our room its just hasnt worked. She wouldnt/couldnt settle and weve all had many sleepless nights.
So as a last resort, this evening we started cc. It wasnt half as bad as I expected.
I bf her in her room & put her into her cot awake, told her I love her and kissed her then left the room. I switched her musical bedtime light on & prepared to be upset & torn etc etc.
As it was she cried for 10 mins, then screamed for 20 mins then moaned & grumbled a little bit... less than one hour later and she was fast asleep! I went in to shhhh & kiss her after 10mins, then again after an further 10 mins (after the first visit is when the screaming began but the checks are for reassurance, not to help settle so necessary but a bit difficult as she hadnt screamed until then).
I NEVER thought she would settle at all, I thought Id be giving in after an hour (which I had foolishly decided would be our limit on screaming - it wont work if you give in) but she was asleep by then.
I am amazed. Obviously we're only a couple of hours in and Im prepared for a difficult night but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be as the majority of her cries were of the tired/wanting to sleep kind, so I knew she wasnt in distress.
I will update on how its going in a couple of days. But thank you for the article and other comments... I read them during the crying & screaming to keep me occupied, otherwise I would have been outside her bedroom door in pieces.
Love to all xxx
I just want to update anyone reading. I thought we'd be in for a real challenge getting our daugher to sleep not only in her cot but also in her own room after 12 months of co-sleeping.
Well, monday evening we started the bedtime routine at 7pm and I put her down about 7.45pm. She fussed for 30 mins in total then slept sitting up until she finally gave in and laid down. She woke up at 7am on the following morning. tuesday evening she was pretty much begging for bedtime from 5pm, so we started the bedtime routine around 5.30 and she was fast asleep by 6.20, having cried for only 5 mns, she then had to be woken by the husband at 8.30am!!!. tonight, I put her down at 7.30 after she had her bedtime routine with grandparents at their house. She laid down happily, chatted to herself for 2 mins and has been fast asleep ever since!!!
I am amazed how quickly she has realised its bedtime and a nice time and Im so glad we found the courage to try this.
She is happy and chatty as usual - I honestly thought we'd be in for an upsetting time and was prepared to quit if she cried longer than an hour. But as it was/is shes just so easy to put to bed now & Im truly amazed!
|by APMum
|18th Nov 2010, 11:07am
|I am very interested if anyone has responded to OlivaLoisMummy, as my little girl was perfect at sleeping about a month ago has started to wake up in middle of the night, as very tired started putting her into bed with me and her dad big mistake also!!!! Have heard about cc in toddlers group have tried it but likewise, she started to throw up not a little alot !!! I am very worried and feel like i am the worst mum, as cannot leave her being sick also I am due to have another baby in 4 weeks and worried i will not cope. Can anyone help?
|by blewogg
|16th Nov 2010, 4:39pm
|Ok so i never wanted to use this method and haven't really needed to now, my son is 10mths old and for the last few months he only fells asleep with mummy or dad in bed with him. We are living in a one bedroom flat at the moment so its really hard at night when he doesn't settle. I am trying the CC for naps and night. He has been crying for 50 mins now and i am finding it really hard to not confront him but i know it needs to be done! So I'm just going to hang in there..What makes it worse is that my partner says im to blame for him not settling himself and when I leave him to CC he brings him in the living room with him. I feel like i'm fighting a losing battle....
How long did it take your little one to settle to sleep??
|by Ollie18
|11th Nov 2010, 2:37pm
|Hi everyone.
I am certainly going to try this for getting her to sleep in the first instance during the day and at night, but we also have a problem whereby she wakes in the night and will be awake for a good couple of hours. She only whimpers and keeps turning over, so not enough to make us go in and have to shhh her, but it keeps us awake as we can hear her on the monitor. This is strange and we don't know why she is awake like this. As for the lady who posted the comment below about her dad not letting her do what she needs to get her baby to sleep, well I'm sorry for sounding blunt here, but it is none of his business as to how you raise your child. I understand that you are obviously living with him, but he must understand that you have got to do what you've got to do. Having your baby in bed with you to sleep is not only dangerous (suffocation etc) but is also a very bad habit. already your baby does not like his cot. Oh dear - you have problems for the future. Someone recently wrote into a magazine that she gave in and let her daughter sleep in bed with her, and when she woke the next day, her daughter was dead. She had suffocated under the quilt. DON'T DO IT!!!! It's not worth the risk. I really hope you can get things sorted with your dad. Good luck.
|by brendybobs
|27th Sep 2010, 1:09pm
|Reading these previous comments have been really helpful - thank you. My health visitor has advised me to start controlled crying with my one year old daughter as she hasn't slept through the night since she was 4 months. I don't think there is any ryhme or reason (perhaps teething or night terrors) but we both need to start getting some sleep SOON! What makes matters worse is my daughter shares a room with her 4 year old brother (who has just started school) and is now distrubing him in the middle of the night. Fingers crossed
|by minxymoomoo
|23rd Sep 2010, 3:40pm
|Hi everyone. Thanks for your posts everyone. my 8months old son is not a good sleeper, I have to rock him at least an hour before I put him bed which so tiring and exhaustion. Any way i find out this site and decided to try CC so tonight is my first night and my son is being crying for last 40 mints now which is very hard to listen but i am hoping he will settle soon. It is very hard to bear his crying pls advice how to do that.
|by rihanna
|17th Sep 2010, 4:09pm
|Hi! Ive got a 7month old and i tried cc-but got told off by my own dad he even threatened me that he would throw me out if he heard the baby cry like that again or if he found out that id tried it again.
Unfortuneatly,my partner agreed that it was a bad idea too.So now baby sleeps with us in our bed-no longer likes his own cot and im worried that im being a v.v.v.v.bad mum!!!
Any help please?
|by star2010
|16th Sep 2010, 5:49pm
|My baby turned one a couple of weeks ago. We tried controlled crying when he was 8 months for one night but turned out he had tonsilitis the next day. Felt so bad. We moved him back into our room and have been getting him to sleep in his pram, transferring into his cot in our room and then lifting him into our bed in the middle of the night. We moved house about 6 weeks ago, so wanted to put off controlled crying until he was settled and until after his 1st birthday when the literature says it works better. Had our first night last night. Took 30 minutes for him to sleep and on average 30 minutes each time he woke which was only 3 times throughout the night. I've just did his first daytime nap using the technique. Nightmare. Took an hour and a half and he eventually went over when I lifted him out and cradled him. I felt so bad. Im still giving him his dummy is that ok?
|by judesmum
|13th Sep 2010, 9:54am
|We are on our 5th night with our little boy. It has been hell. The first 2 nights it took half hour then ten minutes. The third night took three hours, fourth night took one and a half hours, last night took 50 mins, tonight 40mins.
The only thing now is that last night and tonight as soon as he is in his sleep suit he starts crying. Doesn';t want any milk.
Here is hoping it works. Oh he is 5 months
|by mrswazza
|20th Aug 2010, 10:58am
|so my little girl who is seven months old is upstairs crying.Yes i am trying CC for the first night. roxie is my third child and my eldest starts secondary in Sep so its really important that her and my son get a good noghts sleep. Roxie was a fab sleeper until shewas five months and since then its just been geeting worse and worse the only way to be able to settle her has been cuddling her and putting her in bed with us but as you all know this is not ideal. So here i am trying the first night of CC and if it was not for finding this forunm i would be sat here now cuddling her but reading all your other stories has given me the courage to do it. Wish me luck going up to settle her for the fourth time xx
|by roxiewillowsmummy
|16th Aug 2010, 5:13pm
|My little boy is 7 1/2 months old and has always been a bad sleeper. Never once going through the night, the most we have ever had uninterrupted is 6 hours (which has happened 4 times) and taking usually over 2 hours to get him to settle at all in his cot. We've tried co-sleeping, weaning him off breastfeeding and replacing with one bottle a night, replacing that bottle with water, picking up and soothing back to sleep and even me sleeping on his floor so that he could see me. We even tried Phenergan which made absolutley no difference. This week, after finding myself so tired I yelled at him in the middle of the night and then at my husband who tried to help, I decided that althought I had always said I wouldn't be one of 'those' mothers who let their babies cry, I had to do something drastic. So I read all my books and pages on the net and thought that this step by step guide was the best . . . and so we started tonight. My little boy screamed hysterically for an hour, whimpered for about 20 minutes and then just mumbled for 5 minutes and then fell asleep. I cried and felt my heart breaking for the entire time. I am so absolutley pleased that I listened to all of you who wrote here and perservered. I hope that this is the start of a much better family life for us all. I am holding my breath that we get through the night (like some other lucky mums) and am far far too nervous to even pop my head in and check. Thank you to everyone for your stories because I could find bits of us in a lot of them and they made me feel so much less alone and rubbish as a mother. We made it through the worst of CC for night 1, only 2 more to go (fingers crossed).
|by mamma1bubba
|12th Aug 2010, 11:04am
|My daughter is 8 months old. She had been sleeping from 10 until 4.30 am but then started waking up to 3 times after the 10 pm feed between around 1am and 6am. It got to the point where I thought I was going to lose my sanity due to exhaustion so I knew I had to resort to CC. It is something I never ever wanted to do. I did try the pick up/put down method but I think at 8 months old it's too late as it just makes her worse because she thinks I'm going to feed/play with her, but then I just put her back in her cot.
We're on the 4th night tonight. It has worked pretty well. She stops crying before we have to leave her for 15 mins. I still don't like leaving her to cry and I'm hoping that once she starts sleeping through I will be able to forget that I did this. It's so hard to not go in and pick her up - the first night I tried it but gave up after just one min and then had a really bad dream about her crying....
Good luck to everyone who is trying this method. None of us want to leave our baby to cry but it sounds like, for the vast majority of babies, it is better for them in the long run.
|by Caro99
|12th Aug 2010, 11:03am
|My son is 6 months old, and recently started waking more and more in the night, each time needing me to feed him before he would settle. This week I couldn't cope anymore as he was waking 6 times in the night, and by the next day I was exhausted. I spoke to a health visitor on Wednesday and they said they'd send someone round to see me about sleep training, but I decided I couldn't wait. Read all the stuff on here and decided CC would be best. I do actually have 2 other children, and did CC with my daughter but we now live in a smaller house, closer neighbours and I was worried about waking everyone in the middle of the night.
Well, started CC last night, very worried. Samuel spent 20 minutes crying himself to sleep, and I checked on him twice (and then sat reading this web site to persuade myself that I was doing the right thing!). He then slept until 12.30pm, but woke up expecting his feed. This time it took him 30 minutes of screaming before he went back to sleep. I was amazed that it didn't take longer and fortunately my other two children didn't wake up. Then while he was asleep I fed him, as I was worried he'd be hungry, but I wanted to feed him while he was asleep so that I could discourage him from waking up. Anyway, he slept right through the night! I kept waking up expecting him to wake, but he never did.
At 6am I was wide awake expecting him to wake up, because that's the time he's normally up, but he didn't wake so I brought him into bed asleep and fed him again. He then carried on sleeping until 7.45am. Miracle! I actually woke up feeling human again and wondering why I hadn't tried this sooner! My husband was happy too because he normally takes over 6am!
I was out and about this morning, so he slept in the pram. But this afternoon, I put him down in his cot at 3pm, expecting a real fuss. But by the time I had walked downstairs he'd stopped crying. I thought, "oh, he must have been really tired", so I sneaked back upstairs to take a peak. He was actually staring quietly at the ceiling, and he dropped off to sleep without any tears.
So tonight I was thinking, maybe this it, maybe now he'll realised this is for real and he'll test me. But no, he cried for about 5 minutes then dropped off quietly again at 7.30pm. No more evenings spent rocking him and feeding him to sleep. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself!! I could read a book, or watch a film. Wow! I hope and pray it lasts! If you're thinking about CC, then all I can say is GIVE IT A GO, it really can work!
|by mumofsam
|12th Aug 2010, 10:58am
|my daughter Renee is comin up on 9 months...she used to sleep great till she turned 4 months :( we are up between 10 and 15 times a night with her either wantin her dummy or a bottle...im goin to try the cc crying tonight...really worried about leaving her cryin but i need to do it..my son is startin school in august and he is gettin disturbed with her cryin evey night so he is stayin with his gran for couple of nights....just hope it works....she is sound just now like a we angel just hope it lasts will let u all know.
|by jules10
|12th Aug 2010, 10:49am
|My son Joshua is 1 year he sleeping not all night he crying so i must wake up and my hustbin hate hear baby scream / crying i giving milk to Joshua and later he sleep to 7 hours. And later next fall can be diaper so he want to drink i giving hes bottle and later i giving goodnightkiss and he sleep direkt good and later on morning he sleep to 8.00 pm so my question is how i make Joshua sleep direct ?
|by VanessaAngela
|12th Aug 2010, 10:43am
|Hi everyone I started CC yesterday with my son Mika'il, coming to 8 months in few days, please tell me it gets easier?? he woke up at 4am I carried on doing CC and he went to sleep at 5am and woke up 7.30am, usually he would have milk and and go sleep but am not sure if am doing it right i put him in the cot did CC but am I suppose to do it in the morning and day naps?? I'm a really strong person but i keep on thinking can I do it it's only 2nd day and can't see it getting better,it took nearly hour following morning is that right and would the time get less and less each day, i just hope he don't get ill doing this.
|by lina0001
|12th Aug 2010, 10:33am
|i want to know if any tries the cc in the day for naps
|by sha1821
|12th Aug 2010, 10:11am
|My baby is taking longer and longer to settle each night - between 1.5-2hrs. Also crys hysterially and won't settle for me or my husband without lifting/ nursing / rocking. I'm ready to quit does anyone have any advice?
|by amy20106
|12th Aug 2010, 9:47am
|I read these comments a week ago when I was contemplating controlled crying. I guess I wanted reassurance that it would work. I'm back to post my first message as I wanted to give the same reassurance to parents now thinking about doing the same. My daughter is 8 1/2 month old and has never really slept well - she's such a light sleeper that every time she comes into a light sleep she needs help settling down - usually a breastfeed. I got used to the lack of sleep and didn't want to try CC as I thought it might disturb my 4 year old who sleeps really well and is very understanding of the attention the youngest gets during the night. Anyway to the detail... i had got used to putting her to bed 7pm and giving a feed at 11.30pm (which she'd wake up for). would sleep until around 2am then give water & settle down. next wake up would be 4am when she'd demand a small feed to settle. down for 1 hour then up again around 5.30am for another feed which would settle her until around 8am at which time she would not want any milk or breakfast - this was a viscious cycle I couldn't get out of. so to controlled crying... day 1 she cried for 30 mins (i checked on her every 10 mins or so) then dropped to sleep - sideways in her cot with her head jammed against the bars - but there was no way I was going to move her!!! success looked likely as she woke at 11.30pm for her usual feed but then slept until 3.30am. tried to leave her, then settle with water, but after an hour's moaning she had some water & a small milk feed then slept until 8am. day 2 she cried for 10 mins and settled really easily. woke again 11.30pm for a feed but then slept until 4am and cried for over 1 hour before i finally gave in & fed her in bed, falling asleep together until 8am. day 3 took longer to settle (nearly an hour) but she woke at 11.30pm, had her usual feed, then slept until 7.15am!!! success!! and she woke up really happy. she had a big milk feed and good breakfast. fingers crossed this continues, but i really feel we're on the right track now. good luck to anyone getting started on it - feels so wrong but my experience (with my youngest and with the elder when she was a baby) is that it works if you grit your teeth and stick with it. those that say it's harmful to a baby don't see the difference it makes for a baby to get a good sleep and wake up happy compared to waking up still tired and grumpy - the ability to settle without being attached to breast has got to be good for their independence and I see the difference in her all day, not just at sleep times. Update a week later: 3 nights sleeping through and a happy contended baby !!!
|by AngieBrom
|12th Aug 2010, 9:40am
|We very recently gave controlled crying a go and must say it was a huge success! Our 7 month old boy has always been an inconsistent sleeper at night and a poor napper during the day-and he always needed to be rocked to sleep. After another week of him waking during the night and unable to settle himself we decided to try controlled crying.
The first night was hard-we followed the advice given on this site and after an hour of crying he managed to put himself to sleep-we couldn't believe it. We tried the same during his naps the next day and this time he only cried for 30 mins before settling. That night, when he woke we let him cry for 5 mins before he was back asleep and only last night he slept through the night for the first time in weeks!!
I would urge parents who have a restless baby at night to give this a try. I can't say it will work for everyone but it worked wonders for us. Our little boy seems happier, is sleeping and napping better and we no longer feel exhausted and frustrated. If you do try it, follow the advice on this site and don't give up too quickly-it will be worth it.
|by Strawberryfields
|12th Aug 2010, 9:16am
|My son Zach is in his 7th month now and until about 8 weeks ago he was sleeping well from 6:30pm to 6am waking only once. I would give him his bottle and he would fall straight back to sleep. However lately he's been waking more than 4 or 5 times nearly every two hours. Both my husband and I were totally, completely and utterly exhausted to say the least! Did lots and lots of research and came across Gina Ford's Complete sleep guide for babies and toddler, which mentioned the CC method for older babies. However I wanted to read the parents' views, searched on the net & that's how i came across this website.. which i must say helped me a great deal and gave me the confident i needed to use the CC on my son Zach.
Started it last night, I was ssoooooo worried that he would be one of those babies that will take forever to fall asleep, however to my surprise he fell asleep within 20 mins and i only had to check on him twice. He woke up twice both time fell asleep within 20 mins again and only had to be checked once.
Usually he would wake up and around 5am and completely grumpy! but this morning he woke up at 7:15am and was like a different baby, was as fresh as a daisy and ready to face the day.. I used CC for the morning nap and afternoon nap and only took 5 mins of crying until he fell asleep. We are very happy that we gave CC a go.. my son is so much happier now and we are fully rested to take care of him during the day and be able to give him our full attention
|by ZNL
|11th Jun 2010, 5:30pm
|I just want to say that sleep training for naps has been MUCH harder than for night time. According to the Sleepy Planet people, you can put naps on hold while working on nighttime sleep. We did just that because honestly it was too difficult for us and we hoped that naps would fall into place. Well in the meantime, nights have gotten much better. Usually he goes down with minimal crying and sleeps in his crib from 7 pm to sometime after 5 a.m. Though they say to wait for 11 hours after bedtime to pick him up, my doctor said 10 hours is all you can reasonably expect so we go to him anytime after 5 a.m. However, we were still rocking or doing anything we could for naps and he was only able to nap well in his bouncy chair. So this week I started again with the crying it out for naps and let me tell you it's been so incredibly hard. He has cried for the entire hour that you are supposed to give him on all three mornings, and I feel horrible. Then they tell you to go in after the hour's up and try to keep them up til the next naptime! And then there's the "emergency nap" you are supposed to give them if they haven't napped at all that day. So you feel like you are getting absolutely nowhere and what's the point. I was so tense last night after a rough day of sleep training! Anyway, I type this now after the first morning nap where he cried the ENTIRE hour and then finally fell asleep at the last minute for 30 minutes. Then I kept him up exactly two and a half hours, and he just cried for ten minutes and is now asleep. I am scared to move for fear of waking him up, and of course my neighbors are now shouting next door. I just want to vent a little on this forum and also say that it's hard to find any good advice on sleep training for naps because in my experience it is so much harder than night time training and it's hard to get support!
|by mamapadilla
|11th Jun 2010, 5:28pm
|Have a 12-month-old baby, who used to sleep through until she joined nursery, at five months, and picked up every cold going and had a permanent sniffle or cough. This coupled with teething has meant constant wake ups, endless sleepless nights and days that feel like I am shrouded in a heavy fog and just an inability to function - not a great combination especially at work.
Everyone I seem to speak to has no problems at night with their little ones and I do, or rather did feel quite alone with this issue until I read these posts.
We are just starting CC and it is painful to listen to our baby girl cry, but I feel we have to try this, even though it goes against every natural instinct in me.
Thank you for taking the time add your comments as it has reassured me that this is the right thing to do. Fingers crossed we make some progress.
|by cel123
|11th Jun 2010, 5:25pm
|Imagine the scene....it's a balmy night, its dark and peaceful then my 16 month old wakes up and screams as though he's being murdered. This is bad enough for a few minutes but how can I even contemplate leaving him to do it for hours? Don't other people have neighbours!? And if you don't check on them how do you know they are OK? They might have been sick or hurt themselves in some way. If you don't check on them you may as well go out and leave them home alone....What's the difference?
|by chillyhilly
|11th Jun 2010, 5:22pm
|i have a 14 month old who has never slept day or night since the day she was born we are lucky if she has 30 min nap in the day and nighttime can be terrible! i have had numerous visits to health visitor and gp and have even tried mild sedation none of which works!! we have tried all methods of cc and crying down techniques since she was 6 months old and have always persevered with these techniques for a few weeks but nothing seems to work she still wakes up many times a night and cries for up to 3 hours back to sleep again for 1 hour then awake again for the same - as i sit here now she is crying in her cot and has been for 1 hour lets hope she settles soon!!! my mum tells me i was just the same and i am the 5th child so she had had plenty of practice and none of my siblings had sleep problems! she reckons that some children just dont need the sleep!!! ......................from a tired mother!!
|by sheads
|11th Jun 2010, 5:13pm
|I am on my first night of CC. It is hell sitting here listening to my four and half month old daughter screaming the place down!! She went down perfectly after ten minutes of crying until my 5yr old daughter went in the room to get something and woke her up!! Now she is screaming again and I'm going in every ten minutes for two minutes to soothe her. It is so hard not picking her up and giving her a cuddle as I would normally breastfeed her to sleep. I keep worrying that she's hungry as she would normally feed on and off till midnight. She's on two solid meals a day and had a small breastfeed after her bath then I put her down. I am a single mother which I think makes this extra hard!! I dont know if I can do this through the night! Am I supposed to feed her through the night? I would normally feed her every time she wakes which can be every hour or more. If anyone can help I'd be very grateful...
|by lyndz5756
|21st May 2010, 4:11pm
|Have 13 month old daughter that was settling on her own until a couple of weeks ago.....
Question about controlled crying and "not picking baby up when checking on them"......
How can you do controlled crying when your baby is sick within 5 seconds of being put in her cot, and how can you not pick her up when she's sick 15 times inside 45 minutes ... regardless of whether she's picked up and changed or not ...
It's a bit tricky to "go in and re-assure" every 5 minutes, then 10 minutes etc, when they have hurled up all over their cot and the floor immediately.;...
Anyone seen any advise about this little problem ? thanks
|by billybobjoeray
|21st May 2010, 4:09pm
|I have an 8 and a half month son, who we are having problems with sleeping the duration of the night. Our problems havnt been helped with him not being interested in drinking his milk, he prefers food and will just knock the bottle out of your hand! So following the text book winding down method just doesnt work for us. I discussed his sleeping with our health visitor when he was 6 month old and she introduced us to the controlled crying method which we tried straight away and was thrilled when he would settle at around 7 with only 15-20 mins of moaning before he fell asleep then he would wake up at around 10pm we would then give him his night time milk and he would settle fine till 6am! But then the teething kicked in and it has thrown everything out, I was advised to comfort him and when he was better go back to the routine, this we have tried and it doesnt work, he crys until he is at the point of being distraught, that is not how i want my son to go to sleep, he should be happy and comfortable not screaming!, So I thought maybe if i increased his food intake through the day he might feel more satisfied when it came to the night, so i give him a big breakfast, mid morning snack( yogurt), lunch, another snack(fruit pot) then his tea, a bath, story and he is ready to go to sleep at 7pm again, I then wait till around 10pm and if he hasnt woke up on his own I stir him and give him his bottle, then its bed for me and he has slept through till 5-6am again. Sometimes he does stir a few times when his gums are hurting but the pain is always worse when your resting so we just give him some calprofen or ashton and parsons and give him a cuddle to soothe him then its back to bed, but when were ill were just the same, a paracetomol and a cuddle always helps!! I hope this has given some ideas especially if you have a child like ours who doesnt like their milk. It has been a gruelling process and he still isnt the angel child who sleeps the full 12 hours but every child is different , so dont let people make you feel like your doing it wrong its all trial and error!
|by kazcurry1
|18th May 2010, 5:38pm
|I have started controlled crying with Rhys 13 months , he crys for so long and his in my bedroom so no matter how long i ijnore him he doesnt go back to sleep .
|by charlottearcher
|18th May 2010, 5:23pm
|my baby girls (now 4 months) used t fall asleep on her own and used to sleep the night, till I joined work and hired a witch of a babysitter, who started rocking her to sleep. !! in our absence (sometimes we'd get a little late getting home) the baby sitter would overfeed the baby, and rock her to seep, only for her to wake up at 2AM and not sleep until 4AM. now we're really stuck. what should we do?
|by mommyofsara
|18th May 2010, 4:47pm
|Couldn't believe this would work!!! Was a strong believer of the no-cry solution... but after 2 months of our 10 month old daughter sleeping in our bed and over the past month starting to nurse every 1-2 hours again at night (after I had weaned her off night nursing altogether) my husband and I decided to try CC. (we also spoke with our dr. who said it would not harm our little girl or cause irreparable damage!!)
So... last Thursday night I decided to wean her off nursing at night... that was fun!! NOT! But we survived.
Then came the big night... in her crib on Friday!! I started with her regular nighttime routine of relaxing with mom and dad, then bath, story-time and then her last milk feed. We said goodnight and put her in her crib while she was still awake. To start, she cried for 2 hrs and 15 minutes... which broke my heart. Then on and off throughout the remainder of the night... needless to say, we were exhausted from getting up all night and I was doubting if this was the right thing to do. But we survived and she still seemed to love us the next day.
Saturday she had a couple of 1/2 hour naps in the day and I was praying she'd be better that night. We did her nighttime routine and put her to bed awake. She cried for 5 minutes and then slept right through until 3:30a! Was up until around 4a and then slept until 6a when I fed her. Then she went back to sleep for another two hours!!! 12 hours total. We couldn't believe it this was our daughter.
Sunday and last night were pretty much mirror images of each other. Said goodnight at around 7:30p. Woke up around 12-12:30a. Cried on and off for about 1 hour and then slept right through until her 6a feeding. Then back to sleep until around 7:15-7:30a.
I am still a little shocked and waiting for the other shoe to fall... but she is also sleeping in her crib for naps which has been unheard of!! We are still taking it day by day, but I have to tell you, if I knew it would only be one night of craziness(knock on wood) we would have done this ages ago.
This is day#5 and right now my baby girl is asleep in her crib for her afternoon nap after only crying for a couple of minutes!!
I hope my comment helps... as all of the previous comments helped me. That first night, I just keep reading and re-reading them to help get me through. Good luck to all the exhausted moms and dads out there... remember perseverance is the key... don't start this method if you're only going to cave... it's not fair to your little one or yourself.
Update: it has now been 3 weeks and our daughter sleeps through the night from 7:30p until around 5-5:30a (morning milk) then back in her crib for another hour or so. She also had two to three naps a day (in her crib!) depending on what we're doing. It has been heaven!!
|by Smiles38
|14th May 2010, 5:32pm
|These comments have been so reassuring for me. Thank you to everyone who has found the time to post something here that is not only informative but very supportive. I am a first time mum who is struggling to get a full nights sleep. However I am not as worst as some people going through the same situation. My daughter who is 8 months goes down every well with her dummy (Only had dummy for sleep time) and wakes up at 4 every night. We go into her room and place dummy back in her mouth but then we are woken up every 10-15 mins after that till 7 in the morning. She is a very good sleeper, goes straight down every sleep time. We just don't know that to do. Do we try control crying after the 4 o'clock awaking or do we just continue hoping that she will give this routine up in the future. Im not a fan of control crying. Any suggestions will be great. Thanks so much.
|by nickyhuzi
|14th May 2010, 5:09pm
|I have a 5 1/2 month old little girl and am getting to the end of my tether during the night. From about 8 weeks she was sleeping from 8-8 without waking in the night. She then got a cold a cold at about 5 months and started to wake. She would usually settle herself back down but then foolishly i started giving her a bottle as she was waking my son up. It started getting to the point where she was waking up around 3 times a night and then increased to about 5. I was litterally getting no sleep and she was being quite grumpy during the day. I decided to try the controlled crying and last night was the first night. It didnt go so well. She went down about 7:30pm and fell asleep on her own as normal and then started to whinge on and off. She woke up properly at midnight and we followed the steps. She settled then woke continiously every 15 minutes til about 4am and then she cried for about 2 hours. Finally fell asleep about 6 and then woke up again at 7 at which point it was time to get up. I really hope this gets easier. It was the hardest thing to let her cry for that long not just for me but i didnt want her to keep the neighbours awake. I know its not as bad as some of you mums are getting it but its just so frustrating when she was sleeping through for such a long time. I guess we dont know how good we got it til it gets taken away. I long for some uninterrupted sleep. Hopefully a few more nights of this and the benefits will start to show.
|by emmalou2462
|14th May 2010, 4:48pm
|Has anyone tried this method on a baby who has been co-sleeping? My son is 6 mo on March 22 and has been in our bed since he was about 1 month or so. He now only falls asleep lying next to me with a boob in his mouth...most recently he won't let it go for a very very long time! this is driving me crazy as I used to lie down with him and when he let go of the boob and was in a deep sleep, I could sneak out and have time to myself....not so much now. During the night he does let go, but I've usually dozed off and have no idea how long he's been latched on. I do not wish to go to bed at 6:30 at night with him, and go crazy lying there alone inthe dark waiting for him to let go! He's been teething, so I'm sure I should wait to change anything up just yet until this darn second tooth makes an appearence.
should I try just going "cold turkey" and put him in his crib? Has anyone done this with any success?
|by asmera78
|14th May 2010, 4:47pm
|to all very tired mums! Being a first time mum the thought of letting my baby cry was far to horrendous to comprehend. When my little boy was born he went straight into his own room & from 8 weeks old was sleeping from 7pm - 11pm then after breastfeeding I could pop him back into his cot fully awake & he would sleep until 7am. Brilliant I thought I must be the best mother in the whole world. This all changed when he reached 7 months.
Suddenly he no longer wanted to go back to sleep after 11pm - After 4 weeks of exhaustion & continuos breastfeeding to sleep I committed the cardinal parenting sin of bringing him into the marital bed & magic the little mite started sleeping next to mummy & sipping on boob all night.
However I knew that this was no good for anyone & after reading everything ever written about controlled crying we gave it a go.
First night I endured 1 hour 45 minuted of screaming - I followed the programme to the 't' checking at the perscribed times which was heartbreaking. The urge to scoop him up & hug him was dreadful - but I kept strong for his sake as at the end of the day why put him through all the stress and not see it through?
After a few more short spells of crying he slept in his own bed until 7.30am.
Competed day & night two & am now approaching night three. it still makes me feel sick each time I put him in his cot awake as I am so used to breastfeeding him to sleep but this really seems to have worked very quickly.
This in turn has increased his appetite & his general temeprament as he was reluctant to sleep during the day too.
It was hard for the first night but I would really recommend this.
|by emma1974
|14th May 2010, 4:09pm
|Just wanted to send some encouraging words and share some things I found really helpful. My son was a shocking sleeper up until 7 months. He wouldn't sleep for longer than 30 minutes in the day and only in my arms) and at night he woke every hour. I tried everything and then in desperation tried control crying at 5 months and found it REALLY hard but he did start sleeping in his cot during the day still only for 30 minutes but i didn't have to rock him to sleep. Then I tried a 'softer' version again when he was 7 months and he started sleeping through from 6pm to 5am and he's kept this up for two months now. So for those of you who've tried it and it only helped a bit or didn't work, maybe u could try again in a month or two and see if that helps. Also I found it helpful to go in half an hour b4 he normally woke up for a night feed and wake him up instead of waiting till he woke me up for this. I read that the psychology of this is that you are not sending mixed messages that sometimes when he cries you will feed him and sometimes you won't. Also, I found the book 'Dream Baby Guide' by Sheyne Rowley really great. Her version was a bit softer (eg go in every few minutes initially and then if you can extend that to 10 minutes but not necessarily longer) and she also explains different types of crying and tells you that some types of crying it's really important to attend to. She also gives lots of other tips about sleeping environment (eg wrapping, noise, feeding during the day etc) which was helpful. The best thing was though that when he was crying, even for those 3 or 4 minutes and i was really stressed about it, i'd read the section of her book which explained why it was really important not to go in, and her explanation was very comforting and kind. I found her 'pep' talk would get me through the times he was crying. Hope this helps! And hang in there as my son is now a great sleeper and I NEVER thought that would EVER happen to me!
|by janebrisbane
|14th May 2010, 4:07pm
|Laura, Hi. We are over a week into the controlled crying and things have improved. Baby only wakes at 4am (which she always did). The only thing now is she has started teething again and its waking her up again. Good luck.
|by halina18
|14th May 2010, 4:04pm
|soffinka, I am sorry that things are so hard for you. It is a totally miserable time. I will see if I can find the literature (internet) that I read about all this before. I know there was a mum's forum where people had very similar stories to yours but things did work in the end. I think the key is sticking with it all night however long it takes for at least two weeks.(I don't know how you can do that if they are sick and you have no dry mattress!). With ours we did have several nights taking afew hours but in the end we got there. I would always go in at 1 minute, three minutes, five minutes, seven, fifteen, twenty. etc. Now the little one goes to bed with no fuss at all, and usually self-soothes at night within a couple of minutes. Sometimes I have to go in to stroke him at night or pick him up for about a minute and resettle him, but it is a huge improvement. I think that the older they are the more they can learn that eventually they get what they want if they cry long enough - so you must stick to it once you have started it. If you have to get the baby up to feed or change or comfort, that is fine, but only for minimal time and then lovingly put straight back to bed and start the whole CC over again. I think if you can stick to it rigidly that way for three weeks (without killing yourself!) and give lots of love and support in the day, no major upheavals, visitors, etc during that time, then you should make it!I If it is not working after 3 weeks, or by the third night the little one is not crying for MUCH LESS TIME - ie less than an hour or so to get to sleep then that cannot be good for either of you, I guess you have to try something different like a white noise machine or give up for a while. Maybe you could go gradually to the cot instead of cold turkey - maybe stay in the room at first on a mattress and then just outside and so on. There is a good website called babysleepanswers.co.uk with some good forums and a mentor who knows ALOT about sleep probs - I am not sure if you have to buy the book or pay to join but you can read other peoples posts and answers for free - it is very very helpful. Good luck!
|by appleshake
|14th May 2010, 3:50pm
|To Sarah 1106 and halina, I also could have written your comments, that is exactly our sitation.
We also are up around 20 times a night just to put the dummy/doodie in. Just taken advice from a well known expert and she said ditch the dummy and start controlled crying. Our little girl is 24weeks old, so nearly 6 months so I feel she is a bit young really but we are nearly at nervous breakdown point and I have to go back to work in 3 weeks time. We are now 5 days into controlled crying having got rid of the dummy and so far no improvement, but I guess we are doing 2 things at once, dummy withdrawal and sleep training. How have you both got on? (am desperate for reassurance!!)
|by LauraGMc
|11th Feb 2010, 9:19am
|I have a17mth old boy,his sleeping routine through the night has gone to waking up 3/4 times and then getting up at between 5/6am. He settles ok,but by 11pm he,d waking up every 2hrs. I've tried controlled crying,but never leave him longer then half a hours,cause he wakes up the neighbours.
His day time routine has gone too now and is very hard to get him to go for a nap.I,m so knackered and dont know what to try.....
|by janey37
|8th Feb 2010, 9:24am
|sarah1106 my 8month old also has a doodie but very rarely wakes for it anymore so isnt an issue for me. If i was in your situation i would remove the doodie completely which may mean starting the cc all over but hopefully should ensure you BOTH get a full nights sleep. I would imagine the first couple of nights will be hard but he will train himself to sleep without it and i would imagine sleep through. This is my next challenge in a couple of weeks when my other son has finished his sats tests at school. Im no professional but i am so excited from the results of cc i feel i should support and share my opinions with other mothers who are going through the same thing.
|by beckyh83
|1st Feb 2010, 9:18am
|I tried the controlled crying method on my 6 month old child... but she wouldn't stop crying, so now i am back at rocking her to sleep... i am not the kind of mom that can let her child cry for over an hour!!!! I think that's just wrong!!!!!!!
|by Laurie6
|27th Jan 2010, 9:37am
I have a 7 month old baby girl and we are having awful trouble with her sleep. She doesnt sleep during the day but she goes down ok at night(with the doodie of course) but that is when the fun begins. She could wake up to 25 times a night and we are both wrecked. Im not back to work yet(thankgod) but I am due back in May in which i would love to have her in a routine before I go back.
This is our second child and our 1st child slept all night from 8 weeks old from 8-8 and we really didnt know how lucky we were until now!
The other and main problem what i think is that she has a doodie so every time that she wakes at night, which is about 20 times we just get up to her and put the doodie back in her mouth. It seems to me that this is the reason behind her awakening but i dont know as she is also teethen. Its so hard as we dont know what is the right thing to do. Our other child is of school going age so therefore is very hard to do the controlled crying at night. I get it very hard to listen to her cry because she gets herself in such a state and then she cant stop crying. I was just wondering if any has the same problems or could give me any advice as she is also a very whingy baby and thats probably why we give her the doodie. Do you think we should continue with the controlled crying or take the doodies off her completly as I dont think that it would be fair to give a doodie during the day and then to take it from her at night, to me thats just cruel on the poor child. I personally think that this is the main reason for her awakening is the doodie but i would be very grateful for any comments or advise that anyone can give me on what to do.
|by sarah1106
|27th Jan 2010, 9:37am
|A family currently going through controlled sleeping and are unconvinced. We are having problems settling our baby in his cot. He is 10 months old, cries and wails when we try to settle him.
He is a breastfed baby and we initially used a moses basket at the side of the main bed after he was born. That worked well and he slept through with the occasional night feeds.
On reaching 4 months, we moved him into his own room and cot (due to outgrowing the moses basket.) Again, that worked fine with the occasional waking for night feeds.
After 5 and half months he started teething which caused discomfort but settled with a feed before settling but woke frequently throughout the night. After several nights of that, we decided to co-sleep which helped and gave me chance to re-energise by catching some sleep.
A couple of weeks ago we decided it was time for him to go back in his cot only to find that he does not want to. He cries and wails when we try to settle him. We've introduced formula for the final feed before taking him to bed. He usually settles during that feed only to wake and work himself up en-route to his room or after we have put him down in his cot.
A routine of dimming lights, lowering volumes, bath, bottle, brushing teeth, cot, reading is all fine until we attempt to leave him in the cot. That path led us to controlled sleeping.
Our first attempt at controlled crying was several nights ago. It was hard to hear the constant crying and wailing but we stuck with it. Periodically returning to reassure and then leaving him. Each night we were able to adhere to it for three to four hours before giving in. Our worry is how on earth are we to maintain a routine if he doesn't get the recommended amount of sleep!
We repeated the above for four days when his wailing and crying resulted in him being sick over himself and the cot. We didn't have waterproof sheets down so we cleaned up and co-slept for the following 2 nights.
That leads us up to yesterday where we then re-attempted controlled sleeping but this time, we decided to leave the incremental interruptions with minimal interruptions. That resulted in almost seven hours (literally) of crying and wailing, with the exception of one half hour of sleep. Again, we gave in to the worry of how on earth are we to maintain a routine if he doesn't get the recommended amount of sleep and we co-slept.
We are going to attempt the routine again tonight but am getting very nervous that I don't know whether I can continue with this method. Yes it would be nice for him to learn to sleep through on his own but to who's benefit, his or mine...
I have found it difficult to find literature telling me how long the above method should be adhered to and the advice is as long as it takes. That makes me nervous as adopting a routine following an evening to early morning of upset does not make sense to me. His sleeping is supposed to be key to his development and learning so is that the case following hours of neglect??
Can someone point me in the direction of literature that provides case studies on success stories that incorporate the duration and routines that were followed. Also, case studies on those that co-slept are also welcome. I would like to ensure the short term anguish is warranted and to his benefit and not mine.
I still feel that getting him to sleep through on his own would be better for him in the long run but am beginning to get nervous on whether this method has merit, the stories regarding phsycological and emotional repercussions are also adding to that anxiety.
Thanks in advance to those that respond.
|by stoffinca
|27th Jan 2010, 9:34am
|Hi, we started the cc night before last and the first time our baby girl cried for 1hr 38 minutes and i was absolutely beside myself with tears rolling down my face but my husband kept telling me that we were doing so much more good than harm and that it would massively benefit her in the long run. I also realised that once i had committed to doing it and let her cry for a few minutes...i had to see it through, otherwise she went through it for nothing. That night she slept solid until 5.30am, i then changed her nappy, fed her and put her back down. She then screamed for 1hr 21 minutes before going back to sleep until 9.30am. The following day ai felt sick to my stomach all day knowing i would have to do it again....but it was much easier. She went down and cried but it inly lasted for 41 minutes, she didn't wake again until 4.30am, had a feed and nappy change and when i put her back down she went straight back to sleep until 8.30am!!! Tonight I put her down and she cried for 35 minutes, so it is coming down and I have seen a masive difference in her throughout the day. She has suddenly developed a feeding and sleeping pattern throughout the day and seems much happier. Before she wouldn't go into cot until rocked/cuddled to sleep and would never go to sleep without dummy. Now we give her dummy in day, but once she goes to bed in night she doesn't have dummy. This was a big problem because we just used to end up putting it back into her mouth about a hundred times a night! Honestly, anyone who is thinking of this should just go for it...i was really upset and every day is hard but keep telling yourself that it will be so much better in the long run. She is only 4 and a half months old now, i couldn't imagine how hard it would be with an older child who is able to get out of bed....hang on in there and for those people who trty this method...you are not bad cruel parents, you are simply doing what is best for your children and they will hugely benefit in the future....good luck x
well we've done the cc for about 3 weeks now and our life is much easier and baby is so happy all day long. generally she knows its time for bed as we feed her then read story...she either cries for about 20 mins max or goes straight to sleep. last 2 nights she hasn't woke for night time feed....hanging on in there hasd definately paid off (although very very hard some nights!!!) i don't do it for naps in day and cuddle her off to sleep if necessary....i really enjoy this time now and don't beat myself up over it...i just want her to know when bedtime is and thats at night when lights are dim, she has bottle in her room and she has a story. How could you do cc if you're out and about for the day? thank you all so much for comments on this site...it helped me so much x
|by rosser1979
|27th Jan 2010, 9:29am
|jg177 i think your comments are very very wrong, why would my child have issues with abandonment through CC when she has a loving caring happy family whom love her dearly. I think the issues you address are clearly for those who abuse and neglect their children, not us parents who are trying to get our children into a happy routine that benefits both parents and child.
|by adelenewby
|21st Jan 2010, 9:21am
|I have the same problem as beckyh83. I am on day 3 of crying down, my first attempt at sleep-training. My daughter is almost 11 months. Nights have been going great so far but she still cries so much at naps. It also doesn't help that she's starting to lose the AM nap so for the first 2 days, she only napped once in the early PM after lunch for only 30 minutes both times. And like the nighttime routine, I'm thinking about a naptime routine (breastfeed, closing blinds, playing lullaby, etc.) but this may not be too realistic just because she usually just falls asleep on the breast or on her high chair, nevermind the car rides when I'm running errands... Don't really know what to do. If anyone has any ideas, please please share. In the meantime I'm hitting the books.
|by EsMom
|21st Jan 2010, 9:19am
|I went through the cc with my now 15 month old girl when she was 7-8 months old. It worked and she was sleeping through the nights more or less 8 till 8 which was wonderful! But recently she had a nasty case of conjunctivitis which was causing her eyes to stick together at night. She would wake up absolutely petrified so I was having her in to sleep with me for a few nights until her eyes were better, but guess what? She now wakes every night crying out for me so I have now had to start the whole cc thing again. It broke my heart the first time round so I dread every night now because I know ive got to go through it all again. Because I know it works though I have to persivere, the only thing is shes much older now so shes more determined and physical, shes even trying to climb out of her cot. I know I havn't got an easy time ahead but it will be worth it in the end. Will post an update soon!!
|by JES1
|11th Jan 2010, 4:16pm
|Baby Josh is 11weeks. Trying to put him to bed at 7ish every evening, but he's awake between 11-1ish and again from 3am .Usually he end up sleeping in my arms from 5am ...My husband and I are totally exosted. Any advice will be much appreciated.
|by joshua26
|11th Jan 2010, 3:14pm
i am thinking about control crying but my baby is only 6 weeks old, is this too young, he currently can only fall asleep on the breast
|by sophiewalter
|5th Jan 2010, 3:53pm
|I have a 3 month old and started the CC trying 3 weeks ago and it's really worked for us, took a few days and felt like a mean mum but it's brilliant now. We're now going to try the Core Night because if we dont give him a dream feed he wakes at 3am and then wakes at 5 am and 7am but wont feed until 9am. Fingers crossed and am sure there will be a few more sleepless nights. Also Bewsher I would persevere with it, as he will eventually learn, just keep up the shussing, and patting. And as a last resort pick him up for a quick cuddle then put him down again. Also if he wants food like they say try water he will soon get bored off it. Good luck x
|by keeksta1976
|30th Dec 2009, 9:55am
|hi i have a 6 month old boy, he is waking two/three times a night i was giveing him a 8 oz bottle in the night and he would finish it, but he also has 3 meals a day plus his milk, so my health visitor said try CC so i am on my 5th night he is still wakeing up some times for 1 hour or so, how many do i carry on doing this for ,or do i o back to giving a feed again, then try in a month or so, need a full night sleep
|by bewsher
|17th Dec 2009, 4:37pm
|Was just reading the posts below and wondered how people were using the CC method on their babies when they use a dummy? My son is 4 months and im not thinking of doing this method just yet but when i do try should i be putting his dummy back in when he cries or leaving this? My son has one night feed about 4am but he wakes about 6-10 times a night and only settles once dummy has been replaced- once he grizzles do i leave him for the specified time to cry and only replace the dummy if he is still rying or do i leave the dummy altogether?!
|by Finleysmummy
|8th Dec 2009, 5:56pm
|my 13 month old used to settle well at night just waking once for milk but since he has had one illness after another croup, tonsillitus recurrent ear infections he wont sleep for more than an hour without standing in his cot crying looking for me its like he does it in his sleep now so i have to settle him at least 8 times a night but he still goes down 7.30 til 7.30 so he has routine just wont settle my daughter slept thruogh by now no probs help
|by natsplatt
|30th Nov 2009, 10:47am
|I have just found this website - and it is such a relief to hear that other parents are in the same situation as we are. My 7 month year old baby girl wakes between 3-5 times a night, every night - it is so hard to know what to do (we always pick her up or I breast feed her or if really bad let her sleep with us). I have spoken to heath visitors who have advised me to calm her by speaking softly/laying my hand on her chest until she settles - but I felt they didn't understand that my baby doesn't just cry -she screams herself into a real state if left alone in her cot after she wakes in the night. Reading that other parents have left a screaming baby to settle using the cc method leads me to think I might try this. I will show these comments to my partner and think about using it ......
|by K100
|25th Nov 2009, 9:40am
|earth2ursh - I am having the EXACT same issues with my 5 week old but haven't tried anything just yet, just doing exactly the same as you has been
have you suceeded in your quest ?
|by Sarahp5616
|16th Nov 2009, 10:02am
|HiI'm starting controlled crying on my 7 and half month son tomorrow night (Thursday) but after reading all your comments am sworried that it won't work/ I have tried it once before when he was 5 months old and he screamed hysterically for 3 hours. Everyone posting on here seems to only have an hour max of screaming. How long should I let it go on for if he is still going after 3 hours again. He has a wicked temper on him and when left to cry gives himself wind and winds himself up so much that when we do pick him up it takes him half an hour to calm down and settle. ANy advice? Also, if they are quietening down when I'm due to go in I un derstand I'm supposed to not go in to them. However, if they then work themselves up again how long so i leave it before going in again?? PLease Help!!!!
The first night went swimmingly. He cried for 50 minutes before settling to sleep until 1.30am He criedd for 50 minutes again before falling asleep until 7.30am. I cannot believe it worked with son who has my stubborn streak. Naps today were equally as effective, just put him in his cot and he fell asleep without even crying for both morning and afternoon naps. Tonight, we only had to go in after 10 minutes and he quietened down just before the next 15 minute visit was due and is now fast asleep. WOuld never have thought my little baby could do it. I'm so proud of him and so glad of the sleep. Only prioblem I encountered was that at some point he had a poo and it didn;t get cleaned until the morning (despite me sniffing him whenever I went in to him) and subsequently has really angry looking nappy rash and so has spent most the day with his nappy off to try and heal his poorly bum!
|by welshmel1979
|16th Nov 2009, 10:01am
|Wow - I stumbled upon this site last night, having previously been a big fan of another baby forum, and I'm so glad I found you! My husband and I made the decision to go for a CC approach with our 8 month old after falling into a very bad habit of bringing him into bed with us. He has moderate eczema and when he was about 5 months old his skin was at its worst and we had to practically hold an arm each to stop him scratching in his sleep. With a three year old daughter ass well we thought it best that we all got some sleep rather than all of us getting no sleep. Having successfuly gotten our sons skin under control we still fell into the habit of bringing him into bed with us during the night, However, we now feel its time for him to make the move inot his own bed and own sapce, before I return to work in January and before he starts nursery next month. Last night was night 1. We haven;t had trouble settling him at bedtime, our issue was always night wakenings, although he has not fed in the night for months, he would still wake and I'#d end up getting him out of his cot to save the tears and the wakening everyone else up. Last night daddy was sent to the couch, his big sister waas told if she heard him crying, just to ignore it and I braced myself for lots of tears from us all. He first woke sometime after 10 and I tried to burp him as he can suffer from trapped wind. When I was sure he was okay on that front and everything else was fine, he went back into his cot and I left the room explaining I'd check again in 5 minutes. We had 5 minutes of real real squealing, I checked on him and explained he had to go to sleep, then left the room for 10 minutes, he was WILD! I went downstairs and busied myself rather than clock watching. After 10 minutes he still sounded wild, but I checked him and left - this time for 15 minutes. The 15 mins were almost up and he started to quieten down. I made myself a deal that I would give him a few more mins to see if he settled - and he did! I was quite shocked. He did however wake another half hour later, and I left it a full five mins before going into see him. He squakwed and squealed and really wasn;t happy but I didn;t have to check on him again. I woke sometime after 3am, and heard him and when I woke later (probably just 5 or 10 mins) he was asleep. He slept until 6.55am - unheard of! I'm so glad I stuck with it, and will do so again tonight and for the remainder of this week until (I hope) he is able to settle himself back to sleep without the need for a cuddle from us or getting himself in such a state. I did have a question, however if anyone can help - In the scenario where baby settles to sleep, then wakes crying again a short time after (say 15 or 20 mins) do you start back at checking every 5 mins again, or leave longer?
So glad I found others who are in the midst of this or who have had success. Thanks for sharing.
|by Julz78
|11th Nov 2009, 9:17am
|ASKBABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What would i do without you!
My 10 1/2 month old daughter has been a night mare for going to sleep since she was 5 1/2 months old. We moved house at that point which really messed up her sleeping patterns and she would wake anything up to 4/5 times a night. After 5 long months of no sleep i decided i had no other option than Controlled crying and its paid off. She is settling herself to sleep now fantastic, have had a few nights where shes woken up but i have reassured her im here and she's gone back to sleep without having her breastfeed. My boobs feel so much better, i was being sucked dry at night times! The first night was awful, she barely slept for 4 hours but she has been so good since. Thankyou yet again Askbaby =D x
|by xKerrynx
|3rd Nov 2009, 1:41pm
|Hi everyone. I am currently on day 4 of getting my 8 month old son to sleep using the controlled crying method. But i am just after some advice. Day one did not go too bad he cried himself to sleep after 30mins Day 2 it took 20mins Day 3 took 10 mins. But i am having trouble trying to getting him to go to sleep when he wakes in the night. He goes to bed at 7.30pm but wakes up around 12 and i do the routine but it does not seem to work for the last two nights he has cried for 4 hours from 12 until around 4.00am and by then he has done so much crying, it has the opposite affect and he is wide awake. Has anybody else had this happen to them ?????
Thanks x
|by trish424
|30th Oct 2009, 10:16am
|Hi everyone. I have a beautiful 9 week old baby boy who is breastfed on demand every 3 hours round the clock. He only falls asleep in someones arms and wakes up shortly after being put down in the cot/pram or on the sofa. To get any decent sleep at night i have to trick him by settling him in my arms and then lying down in bed with him still in my arm and hope for a few uninterupted hours. It works, but i cant do this forever and believe me, i know i'm not helping myself by doing this, but i'm just desperate to sleep. I have tried once (before reading this) to put him down and go in to reassure him regularly that i still love him, but i did pick him up and settle him, then back down again and continued like that. The screaming/crying/red face etc continued for over 4 hours. Eventually I felt so bad, i picked him up and put him to sleep in my bed.
Now, i think I'm brave enough to give this a try (with my husbands help or i may have a breakdown) but what worries me most is that he breastfeeds every 3 hours so surely he needs to feed in the night.... he is only 2 months old. He currently feeds several times in the night. The longest he has ever gone without a feed is 4.5 hours. Is it too early to do the CC method?
Also, if it works ------ does this mean i can never let him sleep in my arms again? Will the whole excercise be ruined if i fancy cuddling him to sleep now and again.
|by earth2ursh
|14th Oct 2009, 10:16am
|Hi, After reading all your comments and experiences on this fab website i decided to try the controlled crying technique to help my son go to sleep at night. He is now 17 weeks old, was exclusively breast fed until about 4 weeks ago when i started introducing a couple of bottles at the teatime feed and before bed (in the quiet hope it would help him sleep a little longer between feeds) I think with breast feeding he was so used to being cuddled and he has older siblings so one of us is always cuddling him, he got used to being rocked or nursed to sleep, both at night and daytime sleeps. This was fine at first but more recently i felt that the evenings were being taken up by rocking him to sleep, then when he was fast asleep we would put him into his cot. Within 2 mins he was awake and crying again. Some nights it took up to 8 attempts and 2-3 hours later to keep him asleep, by which time his next feed was due. I had contemplated this technique before as i'd used similar ideas for my daughter 10 years ago, but felt selfish this time to try it. But after much searching and reading your comments we went for it 5 nights ago. The first night was the worst, he cried for 55 mins, 2nd night was 25 mins, 3rd night 10 mins both 4 and 5th nights 5 mins and not really crying just winging as dummy had fallen out. I felt it really important to post my experiences as the first night was heartbreaking, i cried and cried too as he was crying real tears and his little heart was racing and his eyes looked so scared, i felt like such a bad mother....BUT honestly it got easier each night as the crying was so much less, and he was less distressed. Most importantly to me was thah he still loved me the next day!! And he gets so much attention and love from us in the daytime the attachment thing didnt worry me. I think that teaching him to sleep this was has been the best thing we have done and think why didnt i try it sooner. I think you have to be emotionally ready as its so hard initially, so i would say dont start it until you are ready, and dont give in as its not fair to let them cry for that long and not learn something positive from it. Still early days i guess for us, but looking good and im really pleased. I hope by reading this it will help if you are thinking of doing it, i came down on night one and re read all your comments for support, through my tears and it was really helpful. So good luck and remember you are doing it to help your baby learn a new and useful skill!! xx
Update October and Zach is now 9 months old. Since starting the CC his sleeping habits have just got better and better! His daytime naps improved too, he just lay in his pushchair and went to sleep, or in his cot and just gurgled away until he nodded off. He now tends to sleep for about 1 hour morning nap and 2-3 hours after lunch... its so much better. The bedtimes are great too.. usual routine bath, feed etc then straight to bed about 7 usually. He even smiles on the way up to bed and when i lie him down. Occasionally we go up once to pop his dummy in, but usually he is asleep in less than 5 minutes with no crying at all. He seems to look forward to bedtimes and if its after 7 he is so grumpy and really ready for bed. He tends to sleep through till 6-7 in the morning. A couple of 3am feeds but think that was due to teething as 2 tooshies have arrived. I cant stress enough how much this technique has helped our family and Zach has no memory of the original upset and like i said even loves going into his cot. Its very hard the first night or two but it improves so quickly so stick with it!!! Good luck everyone :) :) :) xx
|by lisburt
|6th Oct 2009, 12:08pm
Background - Graden is 9 months old, always falls asleep with a pacifier, wakes up often in the night until we put the pacifier back in, at which point he goes back to sleep. Usually one bottle feed and a diaper change in the night. He also stands up in his crib when he wakes up. Putting him down just makes him sit and stand back up again.
First night he actually fell asleep while having his before bed bottle, so putting him down at about 8pm was easy. He woke up after an hour, cried for 5 minutes at which point we soothed him and put the pacifier back in....as usual that did the trick and he was back out. Same thing two hours after that. At 12:45 he woke up crying, we gave him half the normal feed and changed him. This time he did not go back down. He cried intensely for 30 minutes, being checked on after 5 and then 10 minute intervals, spitting out his pacifier and standing up again each time. Then he would only be sitting up. Then he cried off and on for another 30 minutes before falling asleep for the rest of the night.
On day two we put him down for his first nap and he cried for 14 minutes. His second nap he cried for 10 minutes. On night two he cried for 2 minutes when we put him down. He woke up an hour later and cried for 9 minutes before going back to sleep for the night....no feed, no change, no crying.
Its been one week today and its been consistently improving. At times he wakes in the night, but only cries for a minute or two and then its back to sleep for the WHOLE night. Tonight was the perfect put down, after a bath, book and bottle I laid him down in his crib (awake), pulled the blanket over him, kissed him goodnight and left the room. He watched me leave and then closed his eyes and went to sleep....I assume, as we never heard anything and he's in the same position two hours later.
No, it was not pleasant listening to him cry, but it was not for very long and he still loved us the next day. There is not a chance that this had any negative effect on him.
|by shawnt
|8th Sep 2009, 9:23am
|Absolutely AMAZED! My 6 month old son has NEVER slept through the night or gone down without being rocked or cuddled since he was born, as a single parent With no one to rescue me at night, I haven't had one full nights sleep since he was born! Finally at my wits end 3 days ago I researched the cc method and read everyones comments here and decided I absolutely had to try it after 2 sessions of cranial osteopathy which have not had the desired effect on his sleep patterns (although very successful in relaxing his stressed little body) First night he cried for 18 minutes!!! I was suprised especially after reading how with most it took at least an hour! I'm lucky as I know I wouldn't have been able to listen to his tears for an hour, he slept for 4 hours I made the mistake of putting his dummy in when he awoke but The other 2 times left him and he settled himself! No dummy! Although he still woke up, even this was an improvement as he would usually be in my bed from about 2:00 onwards!! 2 night he settled in 8 mins! Even better again he woke in the nightbut I left him to settle himself, which he did and woke up at 7, he is still in my room with me as were moving in a week or so but I'm convinced if he was in his own room he would settle himself and I would not be woken up by the tossing and turning... Can't wait to move!! ;-) tonight was the third night, he settled in 3 mins! And hopefully will settle the same and the previous nights until he wakes in the morning! All I can say is if I thought there was ever a baby this wouldn't work on, it was my Jake, but the improvement is 10 fold and I urge all mothers put there with the same problems to give it a go, I will admit the crying wa awful, I felt terrible after seeing his scared eyes and real tears!!! But it gets eaisier, u just have to get through the first night! Stick with it and don't give in as the crying will be in veign, thankyou to all the people who left encouraging comments to compare, they got me through! Hopefully in a couple of weeks he won't even wake in the night! Fingers crossed eh! Good luck everyone! X
|by Flickether1985
|4th Sep 2009, 10:38am
|my little girl is 13months old and i do this methord every nite n it takes me bout 30mins to 1hour to get her off 2 sleep.i have been doing this for just over a month now.she goes to bed between 7pm and 7.30pm and doesnt go off untill about 8pm sometimes later. it is hard but i am still doing it but doesnt seem to be gettin any better, also she still doesnt sleep through as she is waking bout 3-4 times a night n sumtime more.i have tried to stop giving her a bottle of milk and i dont talk to her when she wakes but it still doesnt work please could you help me as i am due my second baby in 6weeks. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!
|by manda123
|4th Sep 2009, 10:33am
|I did CC with my 4 1/2 month old last night after three weeks of him waking hourly after midnight. first time he cried for an hour then an hour later for 30 mins then an hour later for 1/1/2 hours, needless to say me and him are both exhausted today and his usually seamless and tranquil days with lovely naps have been shot to pieces! Does anyone have any advise? I'm currently listening to him cry as he would normally be asleep right now! Should I just carry on with his normal routine regardless or let him have an extra nap as he is so so tired??Help!
|by Hantsiepants
|2nd Sep 2009, 10:32am
|If you are going to try the CC method I have to say it will work but you have to stick with it for at least 3 nights. For mothers I think it is also important to have the father with you (if possible) as Mothers dont seem to deal well with a baby crying out ( and god they scream merry hell) and find it harder not to pick the baby up when you go up to sooth them. The father seems better equipped with this aspect without tying themselves in knots for the rest of the evening worry if the baby will resent them later in life.
|by Sulla1105
|24th Aug 2009, 9:14am
|This is our 1st night of CC - 4 month old daughter just gone to sleep after 2hrs & 20 mins non-stop screaming!!!! She's wringing wet with sweat & purple in the face - I feel such an evil mum.
She was a brilliant sleeper from 5 days after birth - never slept less than 5hrs & after 2 weeks slept 6hrs with a 10 min feed then back to sleep for another 3 hrs every night!! This was when she was swaddled.
As soon as she grew too big for her swaddle robe then the problems started! A Grobag just didn't work - waking every 2-3 hrs. Also, seems to be suffering with her gums - lots of dribble, hands & toys in mouth all the time, etc. Tried swaddling in a sheet but she just gets too hot, distressed & un-ravels it!
I'm really hoping this CC is going to work & that she'll be ok in the morning - breaks my heart seeing her so distressed. Not sure what I need to do about feeding her in the night - really needs waking for a feed but only just gone to sleep so I'll wait til she wakes up herself.
|by yjess
|16th Jul 2009, 9:30am
|WOW, I am shocked!! My little girl is 13months and has aways been breastfed to sleep, she slept next to me in her cot then in my bed halfway thro the night waking typically 2-4 times a night for me to feed her back to sleep. She has never spent a full night in her cot, let alone her own room! She used to take up to an hour maybe more to put to bed and I was the only one who could do this obviously.
Last week I made the decision to change things, read all the books and all the mums helpfull comments below, I decided to go all out, move her into her own room and do the CC method - to the book. It started last night after feeling sick all day leading up to it! I breastfed her downstairs first, then bath, jammas and story, kissed her and put her down 7.30pm, she was screaming before I left the room. She cried for 5 mins, then I went in, then out, then after 8 mins she went quiet. She slept till midnight then woke crying, I went in twice then she went to sleep till 7am!!
I was thinking it was a fluke and again was dreading tonight but, after less than 3 mins crying she was asleap, who knows what the night will bring but all I can say is that I am so shocked. Honestly, if I thought there was ever a baby who this would not work for it'd be my Rachel, I am so pleased with myself for making the very hard decision and sticking at it.
As for the 'cruelty' comments, well if I ever thought for a minute that I was doing any harm then I would not have trialed this sleep training, I love my daughter more than anyone could imagine. If my 5 yr old son (who was a fantastic sleeper by the way!) can not remember having surgery 2 years ago then how on earth will a baby remember a few nights crying???
To any mums out there considering doing CC, just do it, but do it right, no cuddling or giving in, imagine you are a robot... then cry yourself as you leave!!! Good luck everyone, I will update in a few days. Oh, the books I read were - 'Teach Your Chid to Sleep', by the Millpond sleep clinic, and, Dr Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. I also tried 'The No-Cry Sleep solution' but this did not really work for us. xx
|by happyDawn
|16th Jul 2009, 9:30am
|I decided to try Controlled Crying after a visit to a neighbour whose baby and toddler were both napping blissfully at the same time! My little boy was sleeping quite well at 4 months old, but took up to an hour to settle with much cuddling, breastfeeding etc and we were worried that my husband couldn't settle him anymore. We've had him in a brilliant bedtime routine since 6 weeks, but suddenly even the sight of his sleeping bag caused hysteria! He was only waking once a night, but rarely napped during the day unless we were out in the car.
The first night of CC he took 55 minutes to settle, the second night was 60 minutes and then he woke twice in the night! I was distraught and very tempted to give up - I also felt that he wasn't his usual happy little self. Like others I felt that he was getting panicky at bedtime. My husband had to do most of the comforting as I found it too difficult. Anyway we perservered as we didn't want it all to have been in vain.
On the third night he settled in 30 minutes and has continued to improve. We are now 2 weeks in and he settles in 5-10 minutes, often with no tears. The best thing is that he is napping brilliantly - I just see him rubbing his eyes and put him to bed! Today he has napped 3 times for a total of 3 hours! I have even been able to do some ironing and cooking! His feeding has also improved as he wakes up hungry and eats well - before he snacked a lot and never took a full feed.
He is back to his usual happy self, all smiles in the morning and it is wonderful to know that we will put him to bed at 7pm and that will be it for the night! He is still waking once, but usually settles after some water and we're hoping that will stop soon!
This is a hard technique to implement, but so, so worth it. I love knowing that I can put him in his cot during the day and he will get himself off to sleep. Hopefully this is giving him good sleeping habits for life.
|by Callilac
|15th Jul 2009, 11:47am
|I have been doing the CC method with my 11mth old now for four days, And although I was not quite pro CC before, (with my babies sister now 6 we had terrible problems getting her to sleep although a lot better now she occasionally still wakes up during the night and needs me there to fall back to sleep. Basically I have not had a full nights sleep since she was born). I am happy to say that with my youngest it seems to be working...where before I would wake two or three times a night with him, he has slept through from 21:00 - 6:00 the last two nights a 100% improvement. However I am now worried a little as My partner and I have noticed that following bathtime as we are dressing him for bed he has started to get very panicky and starts crying as soon as you enter the room with him. It was a heartbreaking decision to make to start CC as we have decided not to have anymore children and wanted to really enjoy him, which is very difficult when you are so tired. I wouldn't carry on with it.....but I don't think we can cope with another six years of broken sleep. Should I be worried about the panicky crying before we put him down or should we stick to our guns and help our baby learn an important life skill by teaching him to fall asleep on his own. I would really appreciate any comments.. Thanks for reading this.
|by tiredmommy
|24th Jun 2009, 9:48am
|i have a 5month old that has been sleeping through since he was 9wks old, although for the past 2-3weeks he has been crying going to sleep waking up through the night and crying in the morning, this is not my problem as i understand that he is teething and expect to be woken , my problem is my neighbour, she has complained about his crying saying he is being neglected because i am not picking him up to soothe him. picking him up when he is going to sleep isnt a habit i want to get into as i feel itl ruin his succesful bedtimeroutine when the teething stops.and he always falls asleep himself after half hour or so. im just woundering if im doing the right thing by sticking by my guns? this woman is really upsetting me saying i neglect my own child!!!!
|by jodielou
|5th Jun 2009, 9:08am
|I read this site when my grandaughter was 8 months old and was having difficulties going to sleep at night. She would only settle when she fell asleep in mums arms often this would be as late as 10:00pm. As a result she used to sleep late in the morning and was often "so niggly" throughout the day. We decided to give controlled crying a go. The first few nights were difficult as we envisaged (mum, go out of earshot of babys cring and if possible let others do the horrible work) but with a little perseverance she started to "go down" much easier. After that, routine became our priority, dinner 5:30, bath 6:15, and bottle at 7:00. Now aged 14 months with a new baby brother, she can't wait to get to bed at 7:30 and now sleeps throughout untill 7:00 in the morning and is always bright and refreshed. Mums, dads and grandparents, try and stick to this method, it really does work and it is so rewarding when you see the benfits and your child feels better too.
|by gemsie84
|28th May 2009, 9:19am
|i have a 19 month old little boy who im lucky if i get him too bed by 10 at night ! ive tried keeping him up during the day that makes no difference .if i put him up earlier he just screams .he is with a child minder during the day so is on the go all day playing with other children .By the time i get him too sleep im exhausted myself feel like i never get time too myself and it cant be doing him any good would like too no if anyone else has had same problems and how to resolve it.
|by saneal
|20th May 2009, 9:12am
|Hey i have a 5 month old daughter and every since she was born she has been a terrible sleeper, some nights she would wake up 3 times an hour, she would wake at the slightest noise so when either me or my partner would even turn over in bed it would wake her. Eventually at 5 months i could cope with the lack of sleep and suggested to my HV about putting her in her own room and starting the controlled crying technique. She agreed the first night my daughter cried for 30 minutes then fell asleep, she woke twice in the night. The second night she slept from 7 until 7, i couldn't believe it! Now after 2 weeks she is sleeping through every night and only takes 10 minutes to fall asleep usually just making tired noises. This was definatly the right choice to make for us, although it is the hardest thing to not pick your child up while they are crying, but in the end it was the most healthy thing for her as she is now happy in the day time as she is sleeping at night. Hope this story helps anyone thinking about trying the controlled crying method.
|by Liz123
|19th May 2009, 12:15pm
|Hi I have two girls who are a year apart. The eldest who is now 20 months slept through from 9 weeks until she got a bad cold then we went to Australia on holiday. When we came back we did controlled crying with her which felt awful but we persevered some of the first few nights she cried for up to 2 hours. We warned the neighbours first! We did this when she was about 6 and a half months and it was combined with jet lag but noticed big difference after a week and she slept through after 2 weeks off cc method. Now she sleeps 7-7/8 every night and rarely wakes. My second daughter was also a great sleeper but developed severe eczema at about 2 months and gets so itchy she can't sleep. She has special sleepsuits and special diet which has improved things. She can wake up to ten times a night but usually goes straight back to sleep once she has her dummy. Trouble is this means I'm up and down to her all night and I'm shattered. Put her to bed tonight without the dummy and will try the cc method with her as something has got to give! Only cried for about 5 minutes but I know tonight will be tough. The more she cries the hotter she gets and the more itchy she gets so I feel like an evil mum doing it to her. Any suggestions gratefully accepted!!
Update- we did 3 nights of cc though not too bad she is just too itchy to get herself back to sleep. It has greatly improved though last four nights has slept 7pm til 3-4am wakes up for anything from 5 mins to an hour then goes back to sleep til 630 ish.I think we have to wait till her excema is sorted out before she'll sleep. To anyone else trying cc keep going it really does work!
|by twogirls
|15th May 2009, 9:20am
My 5 month old baby is a bad sleeper. He was ok when he was first born, sleeping 4 hours at time between feeds. Now I'm lucky if he'll go down for 3 hours. Ever since being born he wants to be nursed to sleep and even then he quite often takes 3/4 times of this before actually being put down. During the night i'm just so tired that I have him in bed with me. We have establised a good bedtime routine, where I try to give him a bottle with some rusk in. Some days he won't drink it and he never drinks more than 5 ounzes. His daytime routine changes. Often we get up around 7 after a breastfeed in bed, he'll sit quietly for up to 1 hour and then want some play time. Often he'll have a feed and a nap between 9-10am. He is currently napping from around 2pm each day for a few hours. I try to feed him solids at around 10-11 in the morning and then at around 5-6. Bedtime starts at around 6.30 each night. I want to try the controlled crying technique but a) he is still in our room as it is a one-bed flat and b) i don't know whether his crying is due to hunger or comfort. I've tried him on a dummy on many occasions since he was born, but he doesn't seem to like it. I have tried the controlled crying technique once and it took him 30 mins but he slept for 4 hours. I then fed him and went through the usual night with him. I found this hard but i am willing to try it again. Can anyone give me any advice about this method and how you can tell if they are waking through hunger. I thought a baby his age should be drinking much more than 4-5 ounzes at a time.
|by kellihon
|14th May 2009, 9:44am
|hi everyone, i have got a 9 month old baby girl, she used to sleep perfectly odd stir in the night! but recently she has just done a complete u turn! she has always fallen asleep on me and then id put herinto her cot, but as she has got older everytime i put her down she tends to wake, then i have to pick her up and settle her again, and now the mornings have got ealier and ealier for waking time, sheis up a 5 everyday, and because i put her in my bed when she wakes in the night i get disturbed with every toss and trn she does which tires me even more, i am willing to try the cc as it has been a big part of my family for yrs all my aunties and their aunties and so on have done it so i knew what to do but wasnt sure on how long i wait till i go back in and so forth, well tomorow night is the night! i hope it doesnt go to bad, if n e one could tell me to does this have to include the day time naps to because i dnt seem to have a problem with them she goes off fine i prop her up on the sofa and sit with her till she wakes! good luk to all who are trying tonight and wish me luk x and i know it works because when i was younger my mum was doing cc with my little brother and she couldnt stand to hear him cry so i was the one putting him to bed, so i have had a little head start but know it will be nothing like listning to my own baby cry! xxx
|by gwenji
|13th May 2009, 9:38am
my baby is 4months old and she wokes up at night two times and i breast feed her is it ok to do so?
|by Ellywa
|13th May 2009, 9:37am
|HI poppey, if you have tried the CC method and suspect something else I recommend to see an osteopath some babies have postnatal injuries that require attention, try it! wont harm
I too am currently doing the Core night method, its tuff stuff but worked on #1 a treat she is a good sleeper now since 3 months old and she is now almost 3. We did have to repeat the method (cc) when she got better from being sick or some other distrubance(long flight/jetlag etc)
RockyBouton try starting his day at 7am I mean feed him then and push naps to follow 2 hours after that. then he should be more ready to go down at 7./7.30....also make lunch nap the longest and limit am and pm naps ..wake him up at 10pm for feed as your doing.
|by nevvin09
|12th May 2009, 9:54am
|Hi! I have 3 children under the age of 3 & it's so hard!!! My 3 yr old is transitioning from 1 day sleep to none & ends up falling asleep at 6pm & the awake at 9pm wde awake. My 21month old has just been put intoa big bved & is hard to get to sleep & wakes during the night & hard to get back to sleep (used to be a great sleeper in the cot). And my 71/2 month old is ever so clingy,wont go to anyone else,cries if I walk past her & don't pick her up & wake 4/5 times a night, in a bad routie,she has a dummy & is bottle fed,does'nt settle herself when going to sleep & TEETHING! I feel so tired & depressed not sure if I coping, just need someone to talk to.
|by rutmum
|29th Apr 2009, 10:02am
|I have read through alot of the messages left regarding the sleep training and have to say I have alot of respect for all of you that have managed to follow through with this method. Listening to your baby screaming is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do! My son (5 months) is breast feed every two hours around the clock! I kept waiting for him to naturaly start going longer between feeds but it never happened and worst of all he got into the habbit of falling asleep suckeling and now he will not fall asleep without the breast. I am now just a giant dummy!!!! I have tried dummies but he won't take them (he also refuses a bottle). I have half hearted tried CC several times but realise now that I am doing it all wrong! I have been picking him up when I go into as he has always suffered from bad wind and I convince myself that the screaming is because he needs to burp! When he doesn't burp I put him back down and he continues to scream, it is taking hours for him to go to sleep! He will scream for two hours or more solid before finally falling asleep because he is so shattered. I have this problem every time he has to sleep day and night and I now dread nap and bed time and I am sure he picks up on this.
Having read all of your comments I am resolved to carry on with the controlled crying (without picking him up) and see if his sreaming time gets any less. Then maybe we can start to cut out some of the night feeds...... It is so good to hear from other suffering mums, all my friends babies are bottle feed and have been sleeping through since 6 - 9 weeks THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!
|by Wrensmum
|27th Apr 2009, 9:34am
|Hi, just read a few comments and hope this helps, My son who is now 3 1/2 was still waking in the night for milk at the age of 2, in order to stop this i cut the milk down by 1/2 oz every 2 days until i got it down to just 2 oz. he still woke for this tiny amount but only for 3 - 4 days and then stopped completely,
|by julia71
|22nd Apr 2009, 9:11am
|OMG im trying this controlled crying thing tonight and its so so hard, my partner is away working soim sat on my own listimg to dylan breaking his little heart! i feel so guilty! :(
hes just gone into his own bedroom at almost 8 months old and although he used to s;eep from around 9pm til 8am, he now goes down at 9 and screams for ages!!! then he will be awake at 11pm screaming, 2 am, 4am and then finally 6am!!!!! i just dint thik he likes being in the room on his own but theres no room in our tiny bedroom for his cot and hes too big for his little crib now.......
oh well its only been half an hour so far, fingers crossed for me!!!
well its only bene 4 night so far but we ave stuck to his nighht time routine religously!!! THIS WORKS!! dylan now goes down at about 8.30pm after a bath and a bottle in his room with night light on, hell cry for maybe 10 minutes an dthen hes off to sleep, he might wake once during the night but only for a few minutes, thats if he wakes at all!! Im so glad we r sticking with this even though listening to him cry for an hour and having to constabtly go up n down stairs to him was hard, its made klife easier now!!!!
im new here but look sreally good and helpful!
|by djthomas2008
|21st Apr 2009, 10:15am
|IT WORKS!!!! My son is 7 months old and like other exhausted moms I was looking for a way to get him to a full night sleep.I had heard about crying out method but could never bring myself into doing it as I found it emotionally hard for me and cruel to baby until I was desparate enough! then I read articles on web and parents comments on this website,so I was convinced and determined.My husband was a bit against it but he was not the one waking up 4-5 times every night and I had to do sth before the next couple of months when I have to get back to work!
Before trying this method my baby's sleep schedule was like this : sleep while breastfeeding at 7,then wake up every two hours until 5:30 or 6 am.
and then 2 or 3 naps of half an hour during the day.
I did my own modifications to Ferber's methods.
First night,he fell asleep while breast feeding as usual at 7.he woke up at 10,I left him to cry,just going in the room in increasingly spaced out intervals just to talk to him soothingly and patting his back,but not picking up.the waiting time was of course difficult but I was determined.I was going in shorter spacing than the instructions,but going few minutes later everytime.Finally he slept after 45 minutes of crying.Then he woke up again at 1 am but only crying 8 minutes.Then at 3 I breastfed him again(I thought going from 7pm to 7 am could be tough on him without feeding)and put him back to bed,he woke up at 5 and cried for 2 minutes and fell asleep until i woke him up at 7:30 because my breasts were so full of milk and engorged.
the second night,he slept without waking up until 3 am!!! that I fed him again and woke up at 6:30. the third night he woke up at 1 am and whimpered for less than a minute and then woke up at 3,I fed him again and then slept until 6.
So basically I haven't put him awake in bed yet(thats next step),but by this method I gave him the opportunity to learn how to fall bvack asleep and instead of feeding him 5 times at night,I'm only feeding him once!
He learned it very fast,basically the first session of cry is diffcult,and then it gets better and better.Now I realized he even sleeps longer during the day and eats his solid food better as well.when he wakes up in the morning he's well rested and smily.before he was in bad mood and crying in the morning.
I recommend this to all families.is the best thing you can do for you and your child.just bear with the first night,its difficult,when you go in to reassure,they hold on to your hand and its really dificult to resist the urge to pick them up,but be patient,the results are incredible.I could have done it 2 months back.but I'm happy now that I did it,better than doing it later.
Forget about people who say you traumatize your baby.as long as you go in and reassure them,they know you are there.its just giving them the opportunity to learn the skill of falling sleep by themselves.my child is happier than ever.
|by ArNat
|14th Apr 2009, 12:48pm
|My second child is now 3 months old and since her birth I have really started to appreciate how easy going my first born actually was! My two girls are 20 months apart and whilst the older did not sleep completely through until she was six months (she was breastfed until then and solids as well as starting nursery 3 days a week may have played a big role here) we had very early on a great day and nighttime routine. She would settle at 7pm, have a feed around 11pm and another one around 4/5 am and go back to another 2-3 hours sleep. During the day she was easy going and would have her naps at home or on the go without fail. Not so my youngest! Naps are only happening on the move (me pushing the pram or driving...) and the evenings have been problematic as she is awake and seems to want to nurse for hours. Whilst my eldest slept exactly one night in our bed (the night after taking her home from hospital...) the tiny lady has been in our bed every night - until now! I have settled her about 30 minutes ago and done the suggested every five minutes check-ups with a minute or two of soothing talk and stroking and she is now asleep - IN HER COT! I know, this is extremly early days and by no means is this night over but I have to say I feel positive already! I found all the comments here really helpful to support my decision to go for this method. There just is no easy way but I am confident my daughter will soon learn that going to sleep is rather nice and no punishment and she will hopefully become a happy sleeper like my oldest.
Hi again, one month has passed since my comment above and the little lady is sleeping like her trooper sister ever since! She now goes to bed at 7-7.30 and she will settle herself to sleep without even a cry in sight. We are still on at least one nightfeed but at 4 months old this is very reasonable indeed. My husband and I finanlly enjoy relaxing adult only evenings together again and we have even been brave enough to get a babysitter for a night out!
|by W4Mum
|25th Mar 2009, 9:17am
|I want to try the controlled crying method, but am concerned as my baby of 9 months uses a soother to sleep. He tends to throw it out of the cot. He never usually falls asleep without the soother. Should i still follow the controlled crying method and not enter the room for the designated time, even though i know he's thrown away his soother?
My baby has just learned to pull himself up and will do that when in his cot, when i leave the room hell be standing and jumping and may fall and hit his head on the cot bars. Should i just leave him while he's getting up? I know he's tiered as he's rubbing his eyes etc.. He just loves to pull himself up.
I need to get a nights sleep, its been so long and my baby needs the sleep too. He'll sleep and wake through out the night usually wanting his soother.
Any help appreciated.
|by donnell
|23rd Mar 2009, 9:11am
|PLEASE HELP.............My little boy is almost 2 and is still wanting milk in the night and me to cuddle him. I fully appreciate that I have made a rod for my own back and do give in, but last night he was up at least 7 times crying 'mamma.....up' He is currently in a cot, but will get getting a 'big boys bed' for his 2nd birthday next month. Do you believe I should tackle the 'milk' issue first.........I am at a loss as to what to do, but 2 he really should be sleeping through. We had a very traumatic birth with him and came VERY close to losing him, so in my mind I have been saying 'it doesn't matter really, we are lucky that we have him' but we are all so tired, Thomas must be especially. Any advice would be really appreciated - Thanks
|by Dina000
|16th Mar 2009, 9:21am
|Hi all,
Well I would like to share my experience of the "controlled crying technique". I used this with my 1 year old who over the last few months has went from settling himself off to sleep to hysterical crying before bed! When he got upset I tried settling him by singing, rocking etc. etc. but everytime he was nearly over and I went to walk out of his room he went mad!
After a few weeks I decided to try the controlled crying technique as my wee stars behaviour was effecting his mood in the evening.
First night was extremely difficult and he cried for just over an hour which was absolutely herbreaking. I was exhausted by the end of it and had little confidence in the technique.
How wrong could I have been, the next few nights were tough but by night 4 it only took him 15minutes to settle.
We are now into the 2nd week and he literally let out a wee shout going to bed tonight but no crying and straight to sleep.
Things are great now and my wee star is back to his old self.
Dont be afraid- persevere and this technique will work!
|by joe12
|27th Feb 2009, 9:36am
|Hi, my baby is 7 mths old now and has never slept through a night!! He wakes for 2 feeds and needs settling at least twice a night with his soother in addition. He is on 3 meals a day and is maintaining his weight well. We have tried leaving him for small periods of time but he just gets more and more worked up. My husband and I both work full time and it is a real struggle....any ideas?
|by ripcurlgirl
|23rd Feb 2009, 1:04pm
|I have a 17 month old daughter who I love to pieces but she is sleeping in our bed has been for a long time .we have recently moved to a bigger place so now she has her own room but how do i start getting her to sleep in her cot let alone in a different room. Really need some help, as i can no longer sleep at night with both her and my partner in the bed no room. She is also extremely clingy to me doesn't even like it if i leave the room.controlled crying looks like it could be the only way? please help
|by Krazy666
|23rd Feb 2009, 1:04pm
|I am 26 weeks pregnant with my second child and desperate to get my 10 month old Jayden into a night routine. He has always slept well - we had had more success now he is in a baby bed but daytime naps are still a struggle - he screams for hours and hours - i am following the techniques but they seem to work better on a night. I am terrified I wont be able to cope with the new baby too and desperate to get some sleep!
|by angrygeorge
|17th Feb 2009, 9:44am
|Hi everyone... I have had an interesting time with my second baby! (6mths) He did fall asleep on me alot at the start but he would go down in his bed semi asleep and sleep well but every single night he would wake up 30-1hr after he went down, I was thinking is it pain, is it wind and gave medicine and gave gripe water and watched what he ate and did not think for a second it was down to him not being able to go to sleep on his own, so after going to a cranial osteopath and keeping him up to burp him I have given up. I then thought I should do controlled crying so have started tonight! I put him to bed as usual and he just cried for 20mins non stop and it was the hardest thing to not pick him up, I came downstairs and had a cry! What if he was in pain? Well he stopped crying after 20 mins, he REALLY cried! So we will see. Its nice to be able to read the success stories of cc as it makes you think your not doing something horrible!
Hope all you mums out there are getting a bit of a life and arent too tired!
|by em8kate
|17th Feb 2009, 9:44am
|hi all,my baby is 9 months and very hard work.till now we have been rocking her to sleep or sit next to her cot and pat her until she goes to sleep.But today i though enough, i have tried the CC and it took us 45 min to get to sleep.im hoping tomorrow it won't be as hard as today,.she usually is up through the night too and i will hopefully do the same thing in the middle of the night.will let you know how i get on tomorrow.
|by shaheen09
|29th Jan 2009, 8:53am
|At the end of my tether i decided to try controlled Crying. My 16 week old whined for his dummy through the night, and woke himself up as soon as it fell out - no mater how deep a sleep he was in. it was exhausting getting up every 15 minutes or so - worse than when he was a hungry newborn needing breastfed every 90 minutes! I'd read all the positive stories about CC but somehow didn't think it would work for my son - always the pessimist. still, we went with it. He started crying at 1.15am and cried for 45 minutes. He then slept for an hour and then cried for 1hr 20 minutes, and so the night went on. I was crying the following evening, so tired and dreading another night of the same - i just didn't feel strong enough but i knew i couldn't go back. After just 9 minutes of crying at 8pm, he took his dream feed at 10.30 and whimpered for 7 minutes, then slept til 6am!!! I have never been in my bed at that time of the day - I'm normally in a nursing chair with my son asleep in my arms. Just a fluke we thought! A week on and we have to wake him at 7am for his breakfast! I cannot recommend CC enough, but you have to be desperate otherwise you'll be tempted to give in - it's not fun but when you've cracked it, the feeling is immense! We were lucky it only took one night - why didn't we do it earlier?! I urge you to try it - I was so pessamistic and now i feel like a different person. Good luck!
|by CazMcL
|28th Jan 2009, 9:02am
|I have a 18 month son, he is ok going to bed but the problem is he still wakes 2 to 3 times a night for a bottle or he's dummy. Any ideas!!!!
|by DanniBatch
|26th Jan 2009, 9:40am
|Well were on night 3 of controlled crying and my 6 1/2 month ols is more upset than ever! Im really struggling with this but i will persevere and let you guys know how this works out :S
|by cheekymama
|22nd Jan 2009, 8:56am
|I want to also say to anyone who is worried about controlled crying to give it ago, its taken us a week and half and the first night was a nightmare, with about 1h 1/2 crying but since then it has been much less and now 2 weeks later she understands its bedtime and goes to sleep. The only thing I would say is that both people (if you have a partner) need to support each other and also keeping busy helped me. Don't given in, if you start it you must stick to it.
Also Poppey, we had the same problem with our little one, for what I can tell the secret is to put the baby down wide awake so they can get themselves to sleep - easier said than done I must say.
|by covbird
|21st Jan 2009, 5:28pm
|Hi not sure if anyone can help, i have a 17day old who sleeps really well on me!, but every time i put her down flat on her back she starts to fidget and wake up. I have tried swaddling blanket, a t shirt i have worn which smells of me........This is my second baby my daughter is 5 and i have forgotten most things! look forward to hearing from anyone.
|by poppey
|15th Jan 2009, 5:34pm
|well lst nite was my 1st nite of this and my son did quite well he was asleep within 10 min well he is narly 4 lol but my 6 mth old daughter thought it was a game it took me a hour an a half 2 get her 2 stop playin n another hr 2 get her 2 sleep not gud butt i got there in the end b well c wat 2 nite brings
|by joanne2
|14th Jan 2009, 8:37am
|my Luca have one year and we have problem with his sleeping.he goes to bed at 2 am every night.doctors say that hi is intelligence boy.please help
|by lisjata
|12th Jan 2009, 10:35am
|I want to encourage anyone thinking of trying controlled crying to go for it! Until last week my 10 month old (healthy and developing normally) needed rocking or cuddling to sleep and was unable to settle himself. He would wake several times each night and end up in our bed or with either my husband or I cuddling him on the sofa. Each time he went into a light sleep he would wake up screaming. During the day he would only nap for a max of 40 mins in the pushchair or car. The whole family had reached the point where we were permanently exhausted and short tempered. My 3 year old was suffering because I spent so much of the day trying to get her brother off to sleep. We live in a small semi so as soon as he cried we would pick him up for fear of waking the rest of the family/neighbours!! Having read this website among others and considered the pros and cons of CC we went for it on Friday 19th Dec. Night one he cried for an hour at bedtime and finally settled himself. Then slept til 4am, woke up and cried for 5 mins before settling himself again! Progress already! Night 2 he went down in his cot without a peep and got himself to sleep straight away. Slept til 5am, then settled himself after a momentary screaming episode. Night 3 slept 730pm til 6am (JOY! Our first full nights sleep since January!!). He had a bit of a relapse last night, but tonight has gone down fine again. During the day he has a 45min morning nap now in his cot and about 2 hours in the afternoon! He is so much happier and is eating better. This has made such an amazing difference to our lives. I am feeling so much better and having time during the day to do things with my 3 year old is great! Why did i leave it so long?!
|by OrangeVikki
|5th Jan 2009, 9:21am
|To whom it may concern, This website has been awesome in our journey as new parents. My baby is great but I couldn't really get him to just go to sleep on his own. We tried this method this week along with the daily routine suggested on here and it's worked wonders. I'm happy now that my baby seems to be getting all the sleep and food he needs.
I think this is important to whoever is going to try the controlled crying method. Make sure you have the daily routine sussed so your baby is well-fed and has no need to cry other than not wanting to go to sleep on his own.
Thank you again and keep the great advice coming. Cheers.
|by Maliena
|5th Dec 2008, 9:31am
|Controlled crying- have to be depserate to try it. I recognise our experiences in many of the comments here. Desperate in our house was being awake 12 midnight to 4 am with our 21mth old son wanting to play. Being wakeful, wanting his dummy throughout the night was usual, starting to rely on more milk to get him back to sleep was a bad move but waking for an hour or two from midnight onwards becoming a weekly thing was the final straw. Already lying on a mattress next to his cot to comfort him. He has honestly only "slept through" less than 10 times in his life and this means going through to 6am- his habitual wake up time. If you are reading this you know that sleep deprivation is no joke and I am ever conscious that this is even with two of us to share the load.
Last resort- started controlled crying last night. Shocked at how hard it was to listen to him cry for even one minute. The usual sprint to give him back his dummy has become second nature and I had to be held back from going to comfort him. Usual unsettled period from 10-12pm- he settled within a minute or two with no help. Worst period 3.45 til just after 5am as he screamed intermittently for everyone in our house, Mummy, Daddy and even his brother. It was heartbreaking and I was a sobbing wreck BUT he started to settle himself quicker as the time was extended from 5-10-20mins AND we lived to tell the tale. More worthy of note- he slept in until 7.30am!! which is unheard of even with our usual tiring bedtime antics. I know it is the right thing to do and should have done it before he could climb out of the cot (we have removed the side) and I confess that I had to leave my husband in charge of the timings as I was such a mess I could have given in at any time. The thought of doing it again makes me wince but I know we could not carry on as it was. Feeling really upbeat- GOOD LUCK to anyone else thinking of a way out of the vicious circle of poor sleep.
|by Redeye
|19th Nov 2008, 9:09am
|my baby is 8 months old ans still dont sleep through he gos to bed at 8pm has a bottle at 10:30pm and is awake at 3:00am till 11 next day can any body give me any tips ,PLEASE
|by baileysmum
|18th Nov 2008, 8:39am
|Hi ampen
Ive just lost my comments abt controlled crying - I was doing it & it worked REALLY well until my son started teething, then got a cold which he got rid of & then got it back again & now hes teething again so I havent enforced the controlled crying again but as soon as hos top 2 teeth come through I will be doing it again. It was/is the only thing that has worked so far!! keep u posted
|by yvonne31
|28th Oct 2008, 9:22am
|i tried the controlled crying method with my first baby when he was about 10 months. i was lucky as he only cried in total of half an hour (with 3-4 checks) the first night and the second night it was 15 mins and the third night he went to sleep after 2 mins! it greatly improved his temprament during the day. with my second baby(now 6 months) i made an effort to establish a good night time routine from about 3 months and havent needed to resort to any of the above methods as she settles herself and sleeps for 12 hours at a stretch most nights. i know alot of people dont agree with the controlled crying but in my experience its worth the effort in the end. i was crying myself the first night as was dying to comfort him but only 2 nights later i was so thankful i'd given it a go as the whole family were getting full sleep and waking up fresh and ready for the day ahead!
|by usb
|20th Oct 2008, 10:56am
|I'm sure there are methods that work well for certain children but I find that it takes a combination of suggestions to help my child sleep more completely through the night. The tips here are great, and so are the tips I got from another online resource called almost as good as mum. Ultimately, it came down to testing of every and all of the techniques I read about to see what proved best, and as I mentioned, what worked best was a combination of everything.
|by webmom
|10th Oct 2008, 9:09am
|I have used controlled crying with my little girl when she was 9 or 10 months old. She was refusing to go to sleep in her cot, I would pick her up and rock her and she would fall asleep, but as soon as I lay her down she would wake up and start crying again. I used the controlled crying method for about 5 days (the first night was the worst, she cried for 45mins with me checking on her every 10 minutes), but after those 5 nights she understood that it was ok to go to sleep by herself and all I needed to do was kiss her goodnight, lay her in her cot and she would happily roll over and go to sleep. Now instead of being grumpy and tearful in the morning due to a disturbed night, she is bouncy and full of smiles when she wakes at 8am, which is an absolute joy for me as well.
I do not agree at all with those who criticize the controlled crying method. I do not believe for a second that allowing my baby to cry for a relatively short time in order to establish a healthier sleeping pattern will in any way negatively effect her in the future. If anything, getting her into a better sleeping pattern can only do her good. I think over-coddling a baby is more harmful. One of my friends also has a little girl with sleep issues, but instead of nipping it in the bud early, their baby who is now almost 2 has slept in the mothers bed almost since birth and the father is sleeping on the sofa. How is that psychologically healthy? My point is that unless your baby has a genuine reason for not going to sleep, like hunger, illness etc...then it is not cruel to employ the controlled crying system you are actually helping your baby by letting them be more in control of themselves. I do not think it is emotionally healthy for my baby to think that she can only go to sleep if I am holding her and no I am not worried that me using the controlled crying method will turn her into a stroppy teenager. She is going to be a stroppy teenager whether I let her cry now or not, it's the whole point of being a teenager all those hormones rushing around. It's like having permanent PMT until they calm down ( I know, I was one not that long ago). Anyway, I digress, The more important thing is how you interact with your child during the day and I think most of us find it hard to properly enjoy being parents if we are completely sleep deprived. Controlled crying not only helped my little girl get a better sleep pattern, which made her happier is also let me get more sleep, which I believe made me a better mum.
I do think those who disparage the controlled crying method either enjoy having their child completely emotionally dependant on them or they haven't actually experienced a child with sleeping difficulties. I have noticed that although they seem very quick to put the method down, non of them have offered what they think is a viable alternative to helping babies get to sleep. If you think controlled crying is cruel, what do you suggest? Bearing in mind that most parents who are doing controlled crying will probably have exhausted (pun intended) all other avenues that the 'experts' recommend.
To all those parents trying controlled crying, I know it's not fun listening to your little one cry, but it's only for a few nights and the benifits to both you and your child will be worth it in the end.
|by rwhmum
|7th Oct 2008, 9:33am
|Hello, my baby is nearly 5 months old. He is really happy during the day and settles really well for naps. He usually wakes up in the morning at about 7 and then happily plays in his cot until 8. I usually feed him at about 8.15 and then wash, dress and play with him. He then has a nap at about 9.30 and sleeps until 11.30. All I do is place him in his cot and he goes straight to sleep. He then has his feed at about 11.30/12.00. He stays awake 2 hours and then has another nap. Again, he is great a falling asleep by himself (he sucks his thumb). He sleeps for about 2 hours. He has his next feed at about 3/3.30 and then again plays. When he starts getting grumpy I put him in his cot but he doesn't want to go to sleep. He does cry sometimes and sometimes he talks for a while. Sometimes he does sleep and other times he can't. However, the evenings are a different story. We try to put him to bed at about 7/7.30. He crys and crys and crys. We keep going in and picking him up but really try not to bring him downstairs as I think he must learn that it is bedtime. Sometimes we do end up bringing him downstairs... however then he just even more tired. He usually has his last feed at about 10/10.30 and then he sleeps really well until the morning. It's just the evening really that we have a problem where he crys continuously. I know he is tired because he rubs his eyes and has his thumb in his mouth. We end up just "coping" until his last feed and then he goes to sleep okay. Do you think it is because we don't get him to bed early enough on that feed where he struggles to sleep? Anyone else had these problems? Many thanks
|by RockyBouton
|1st Oct 2008, 9:13am
|My son is 6 months old. He is breastfed but now also on 3 solid meals a day. We first considered trying the controlled crying method 3 months ago however, as he was still feeding during the night we decided to wait. With him being breastfed he has always been used to falling asleep whilst nursing therefore, he would never fall asleep on his own and always had to be cuddled back to sleep. This resulted in him waking every 1 - 2 hours during the night and after getting up several times he would then only fall back to sleep once in bed with us (and this was the only way any of us could get any sleep!). We finally decided to bite the bullet and set a date to start the controlled crying and we were apprehensive at best as to how successful this would be. We set ourselves up for endless hours of non-stop crying, on our first night we put our little man down in his cot half awake at 7pm and sure enough the crying started. We checked on him after 5 mins then again after 7 mins and 10 minutes later he had settled himself off to sleep. He slept peacefully up until 4 am when he cried continously for 1 hour, as hard as this was for us not to pick him up we followed the routine and he settled himself off until 7.30am. We are now 3 days in and he settles himself at all sleep times within 10 minutes and sleeps soundly each time - we even had to wake him from his morning nap today! Everybody knows their baby best but I would definitely recommend teaching your baby how to sleep by themselves, just by having a good nights sleep makes a very happy mummmy, daddy and most importanly baby!
|by LukesMum
|29th Sep 2008, 9:14am
|I've used the crying down technique with my son (didn't know that's what is was called till I read the above, my friend just told me to do it that way) and it has worked a treat. My son has slept really well from 8 weeks old after using this method and I would thoroughly recommend it - it took a few weeks of persistence and you need to stick with it but it does work. Teaching your child how to sleep independently is not a horrible thing to do, its one of the best things you can do for them. Everyone comments on how contented my little boy is, he has absolutely no 'attachment' issues whatsoever and knows that we absolutely adore him. My brother in law and wife never did this sort of thing, let their baby come into their bed, wouldn't let him go to sleep without them being there and they now have a 9 year old son, who still comes into their bed everynight with out fails, has hysterics if they try to go for a night out because they won't be there at his bed time, and is completely and utterly overly attached to them - hence the huge importance of making sure they can sleep on their own.
|by kaybe1
|24th Sep 2008, 9:42am
|My daughter is 5.5 months. We are working on sleep training her. She's fed mostly by nursing, though she does get Barley Cereal before bed. I have been feeding her though the night. How do i know if she's hungry or just used to waking up? I would hate to leave her there crying when she's really just hungry. I want to do what's right, but i'm not sure how long a baby can go without eating who's nursing. She does down around 6pm. Also when she wakes up during the night, if i don't feed her, she can and has cried for 3 hours. How long is too long?
|by rylydi
|23rd Sep 2008, 4:59pm
|hi yvonne21 - please let me know how your training goes. i am in exactly the same predicament as you. thanks. ampen
|by ampen
|16th Sep 2008, 9:02am
|Ive just read all these comments on controlled cyring...as a mother of four children ages ranging from 21 years to 11 months, I thought hat I had all the answers, not so with little 11 month old who has been a complete nightmare to get off to sleep and keep asleep. My husband and I were at our wits end with 11 months of lack of sleep - he was awake one week each night from 1am to 4pm...so in desperation we tried this method two weeks ago, we had nothing to lose as we were awake all night anyway....I can honestly say that the first night was hell and it is hard to listen to your baby crying, but the second night was better and two weeks later (fingers crossed) he is going off to sleep each night happily and sleeping from 8.30pm to 7am -its didnt take two weeks, it took five nights in all, I too thought he would hate me for it but the reverse is true, he is happier in the day, is taking a longer nap at lunchtime, he is more active, less grizzly, eating more and LESS CLINGY and finally I can cuddle him and enjoy being with him instead of a sleep deprived zombie that I was turning in to...so hope that this post helps all those in doubt, IT WORKS !
|by Faroukihorse
|29th Aug 2008, 9:17am
|Hello, I have a 4 months old boy, and I started the Ferber method last night. He eats at 7:30 pm and then at 7:00 am. The problem is about the pacifier. He wakes once or twice in the middle of the night because of the pacifier, and since he doesnt know how to find it by himself.. he cries. Last night he cried for 1 hour and 50 minutes, I was devastated. I went every five minutes (because it was the first night of the method) to calm him (talking and patting, not lifting him). My question is: should I quit the pacifier use when he goes to bed? Because he goes to bed and sleeps by himself easily, but with the pacifier.... I didnt give him the pacifier when he woke up last... What do you recomend? Put him to sleep with or without the pacifier?
|by laurapgarcia
|19th Aug 2008, 8:39am
|Cleary the people leaving neg comments on controlled crying have abandonment issues themseves. Children who end up troubesome or messed up is not because of thier parents using controlled crying. And cleary they get off on thier children needing them and being clingy and moany and having no indeendence later in life- far worse then a bid of controlled crying. True abandonemtn are the sick people who leave thier children crying even if they hunmgry, cold, ill- and for selfish reasons. Controlled crying is helping a child yet being intuitiative. The people with abandonment issues are due to incorrect 'controlled crying'. Its unfair to say people who use this method abandon thier children. I have never tried it myslef however and i dont have any issues with it.
|by evie83
|15th Aug 2008, 2:51pm
|Here, here jg1977! Both crying down and controlled crying are positively horrible things to do to a child and have long lasting psychological effects.If you are in any doubt read Why love matters: How affection shapes a child's brain by Sue Gerhart. If you want caring kind adults, you need to show care and kindness to babies from an early age and not abandon them. In India and Africa children are not allowed to cry - EVER. Their parents comfort them not matter what 'type of' cry' they are giving. It is only the UK and parts of America that this fashion for so called sleep training exists. Sleep trainers are a draconian bunch out with outdated 1950s ideas. If you subject your child to emotional abandonment of this kind there will be future consequences which will make interrupted sleep the least of your worries
|by Ann2
|24th Jul 2008, 9:28am
|I have a 2 year old daughter who up until 2 nights agao was sleeping in bed with me and my husband. we had tried the controlled crying technique before when she was 8 months old but we gave up because she would make herself sick and scream for hours on end, we tried again the other night and put her to bed at 7pm and read a story etc the said goodnight and closed the bedroom door, she cried and got out of bed but i went in and checked her every 5 mins and put her back in bed without talking to her or making eye contact then left the room, after doing this a few times she finally gave up and fell asleep half an hour later, in the night she cried twice but i left her and she settled herself and slept til 7am, last night she only took 15 mins to fall asleep and i got up once in the night to put her dummy back in and she went straight back to sleep until the morning. I'm really pleased with this progress so far, obviously we've got to do this for a few more nights yet but hopefully in a couple of weeks she will be able to settle herself to sleep at night in her own bed..
hope this gives others the willpower , because controlled crying can work!!!
|by jennie83
|23rd Jun 2008, 8:29am
|i have 11 month old baby who cannot get to sleep by himself, i amstill nursing him so he just falls asleep while feeding. I put him into his cot once he has nodded off, but he wakes shortly after and the whole process starts again, this may happen 4-5 times a night. how can i break this habbit and yet continue to nurse him?
|by fid
|11th Jun 2008, 8:43am
|My baby is 6 months old. He is now in mobile. And i start to introduce him solid food. I am not sure whether that are the factosr that cause his sleeping problems recently. Normally he fall to sleep around 9pm, but waked after 30 - 45 min and cry. I wish the controlled crying method will work for me. Is difficult to hear your baby crying. And now he is not just crying, he crawl to the door and knock on it. I feel guilty but I really want him to learn how to sleep on his own.
|by lotuslee
|27th May 2008, 8:38am
|I've just done the first night of trying to get my 4 month old baby to fall asleep on her own. She goes off for her morning nap by herself absolutely fine....but in the evenings, I've been nursing her to sleep, which I know I need to stop! She cried for a total of 26 minutes, of which I went in twice to settle her....the first time, mistakenly picking her up out of her cot. Not responding whilst listening to your baby crying for you is like glass going through your heart! But I know that she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own at some point soon and the later I leave it to teach her to drift off to sleep independently, the harder it will be for the both of us. I want to raise my child to be confident and I honestly believe that I'm teaching her to feel safe in the house for years to come. It's very VERY hard to hear your baby crying for you....but if you go back in and settle them.....then come away again it will work....eventually! Even though it felt like an age - I don't think 26 minutes on the first night was that bad. I've probably spoken to soon, haven't I?!
2nd Night:
Tonight was 1 hr 20 mins. Feel like she's going to hate me tomorrow. I feel terrible and want to cry my eyes out too!
|by Issy
|19th May 2008, 8:50am
|OK People wish me luck. Im going to try the controlled crying method with my daughter for the next three nights and see what happens. Shes almost 6months old now and im returning back to work soon and i really REALLY need her to start to sleep right through. Im prepared not to sleep much over the next few nights untill we get this sorted!! I'll keep you posted!!
|by gemma5633
|1st May 2008, 8:49am
|I trained my daughter to sleep at 6 mths. I could not take the sleepless nights anymore and she was just waking to hang out. I gave her all the attention she needs during the day but she wanted more at night. Since I have used the controlled crying method she has never been happier. She wakes well rested and so happy. It was a tough couple nights but I kept asking myself these questions. Do I want a older child that can't sleep with out my help (I would personally love to have my child need me forever but I think that that would be selfish of me)? Will I be a better mother to my child if I am well rested? Is it still cute and acceptable to have my 6 yr old waking at night and needing me?
My daughter knows how to sleep on her own now. I have given her such a gift teaching her to sleep.
JJ07 I think your little one will be just fine. You need to set a time to do it and get your husband on board. Your in for a tough couple of nights but the rewards are so worth it. Good luck and stay strong!
To all the people thinking that it will lead to attachment disorders, I disagree. I would argue that a child that still can't sleep through the night or needs a parent to fall asleep has an attachment disorder. There is nothing wrong with being able to sleep independently. I think the earlier it is addressed is easier on a child.
|by Happybabyhappymommy
|23rd Apr 2008, 8:30am
|Hi I was wondering if anyone has tried the controlled crying/sleeping technique with older babies. Jack is now almost 11 months and we stopped his 11pm bottle about a month ago. Since then he is sleeping less and waking up crying and stands up in the cot looking at us (we only have 1 bed flat). Once we pick him up he stops crying immed. and sometimes falls straight back to sleep.
Someone suggested controlled crying method but when we leave him he stands up in the cot and cries. Please could somone confirm this is ok and that we leave him standing whilst trying this method? We try to get him to lie back down but he just stands back up again as soon as we walk away. Jack usually sleeps in a sleeping bag, we have tried without one too but he still stands up. Please help...i go back to work soon and my husband and i are desperate for some sleep.
|by JJ07
|25th Mar 2008, 9:06am
|It can have a damaging effect actually...something called attachment disorders...your child could grow upto be overly sensative easily affected and upset and not being able to trust easily...my mother has studied it...it's reasons why lots of teenagers are the way teenagers are expected to be...they're acting out to get attention they never had when they were younger...they can't ask for it because (as they know fom their childhood) that doesn't work...maybe leaving them to cry once but not letting them gry again and again for longer and longer!!!
My mum used to leave my sister to cry because she knew she was ok because she'd had 3 children before her and now my sister is exactly what i said at the beginning!
|by Mummy08
|19th Mar 2008, 9:19am
|I am a sleep trainer and provide help to parents who are at their wits end, I am concerned by the remarks left by jg1977, sleep traing does not have a negative effect on psyche later on in life! In actual fact, by teaching your child how to sleep by themselves is giving them the best gift a parent can. I just wanted to commend askbaby.com on their advice, as it is good, I have used a combination of the methods laid out, with great success for many years. Keep up the good work, and parents - don't be afraid of hearing your baby cry, as long as all their other needs have been attended to then you won't be doing them any harm!
|by happierfamilies
|26th Feb 2008, 9:21am
|actually as i read this i was very reassured. my now 18 month old went through the normal routine of learning when to be asleep and when to be awake, and i didn't have this reference. but using my instincts, and yes, letting him cry sometimes, he has slept through the night pretty consistently, from about 2 months old. the key is, there is a difference between a bored/want to hang out with mom or dad cry, and a true "there is something WRONG" cry. my son is the happiest and sweetest baby i know. i have no qualms whatsoever that he might worry i wouldn't "be there" for him when he needs me. it's just that nighttime is for sleeping, and daytime is for hanging out/cuddling/playing. there are some nights when i know that he has a hard day, and i don't hesitate to comfort him when needed (sick, new routine, whatever it might be). you just have to use guidelines like these with a healthy dose of common sense and intuition. they're not saying to leave your child in his room indefinitely, screaming from neglect. it also depends on their age - i always let my son run the "show" so to speak, until he was a couple months old and i had to go back to work. but babies are smart. unless something is truly wrong with your baby, i don't see a problem with this advice. it's almost exactly what my son and i worked out between us, just by common sense, when we had this issue.
|by ksdiamond
|25th Feb 2008, 8:37am
|I would just like to say that letting your baby cry themselves to sleep is not teaching them how to sleep on their own. It is teaching them that their cries are not responded to by the people he/she is supposed to trust most in the world. They have just been born into the world, coming from the womb where their every need was catered for and then you want to abandon them on their own to cry themselves to sleep? Do you not think this will have very negative effects on the baby's psyche in later years? Believe me it will!They are babies for such a short amount of time, why not try more humane methods, ones that mean you listen to your intuition?
|by jg1977
|4th Jan 2008, 9:03am
|i tried this core night and controlled crying method with my child and found it a massive help. she took one night of intense crying, then took an hour to go down for the next couple of nights. now she sleeps from 7pm-7am!
|by libbysmom
|22nd Oct 2007, 9:38am
|We are on day 3 of the controlled crying method and we have reached 2.5 hours. Do we win a prize ? Is there a previous record we should be aiming for ?
|by PWM
|26th Apr 2007, 10:20am