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UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF OHIO WESTERN DIVISION Michelle Gibson, et al., Plaintiffs, vs. Lance Himes, et al., Defendants. : : : : : : : : : Case No. Judge:
Michael Barrett
Pursuant to Fed. R. Civ. Pro. 65, Plaintiffs hereby move for a temporary restraining order and preliminary injunction prohibiting the Defendants from enforcing Ohio Rev. Code §3101.01(C) and Art. XV, §11 of the Ohio Constitution as applied to their requests for Ohio marriage licenses. Specifically, Plaintiffs seek an order requiring Defendants to issue marriage licenses to the Plaintiffs upon their application, duly record their marriages once properly solemnized, and extend to Plaintiffs all the rights and responsibilities of marriage under Ohio law. A proposed order is attached as Exhibit 1. Notice will be provided to the Defendants but due to the daily violation of Plaintiffs" constitutional rights, Plaintiffs request an expedited hearing and an expedited ruling on the merits. Plaintiffs request that bond be set at $1.00. MEMORANDUM OF LAW IN SUPPORT I. INTRODUCTION AND SUMMARY PURSUANT TO LOCAL RULE 7.2 (3) This civil rights case is facial challenge to the Ohio constitutional and statutory provisions that restrict same-sex couples from marrying. Marriage is the most important
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commitment many adults make in their lives. Marriage forms the foundation of families, and secures spousal and parental rights and duties. Marriage supplants the state as the primary financial safety-net for the married couple and their children. By purposefully denying same-sex couples the ability to get married, Ohio attacks the dignity of those couples and imposes life-long harms on their families. This Court should act to stop this unjust discrimination now. Plaintiffs include six same-sex couples who range widely in age, race and in other respects. They mirror the diversity of opposite-sex couples in Ohio. Only because all of these relationships are between two people of the same-sex, Ohio will not issue them marriage licenses or extend to them the legal rights and responsibilities of marriage. This lawsuit seeks to compel Ohio to allow these couples access to marriage and declare the marriage ban facially unconstitutional in all respects. As set out in detail below, this Court should follow the lead of the Supreme Court in Windsor and the ten district court decisions since that ruling and hold the marriage ban unconstitutional as a violation of due process and equal protection. Through this lawsuit this court should open the door to marriage to all same-sex couples across Ohio. II. STATEMENT OF FACTS A. Michelle Gibson and Deborah Meem1 Plaintiffs began dating in 1995 and have had a loving and fulfilling relationship ever since. They are both professors at the University of Cincinnati, where they met. They would like to be married in Ohio, where they live, as do their family and friends. Michelle and Deborah have two grandchildren and they believe it is particularly important for their grandchildren to see their relationship treated equally with opposite-sex couples.
See Declaration of Michelle Gibson.
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In October, 2008, Michelle was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. In 2011, she began using a wheelchair. For the past two years, she has used a wheel chair full time. She has recently had some health issues that required her to spend time in a rehabilitation facility. Although she has returned home, it is very likely that at some time in the future, she may need 24 hour home-care or even need to live in an extended care facility. Because of Michelle"s illness, it is important that their relationship be legally recognized very soon. They have drafted documents so that Deborah can care for Michelle and make health care and financial decisions for her if she is unable, but they worry that those documents may not be honored. Given the wide range of health care staff and others who must refer to these wordy, technical documents, their fear is very reasonable. Deborah and Michelle need the protections that a state-recognized marriage would provide. B. Heather Apple and Mary K. Koehler2 Heather Apple and Mary K. Koehler ("Mary Kay") began dating in 2004, soon fell in love, and moved in together in 2006. They discussed raising children together but wanted to get married first, so they had a commitment ceremony in 2008. It was the best they could do because Ohio bans same-sex marriage. In 2009, they began the fertility process, and in 2010 Heather gave birth to their first daughter. Mary Kay gave birth to their second daughter in 2012. Heather and Mary Kay would like to be legally married. They want their family to have the same legal and financial stability that opposite-sex married couples enjoy. This is especially important because they are raising children together.
See Declaration of Heather Apple.
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Ronald Kastner Beck and David Beck3 Ronald ("Ronny") and David ("Dave") met at a fitness gym, and began dating in March
2001. In 2006, Ronny and Dave were on vacation in Hawaii with Dave"s parents and while admiring an amazing view, they were overwhelmed by the beautiful setting and the beauty of their relationship. They had previously talked about adopting children and how it was important that they be 100% committed to each other beforehand. At that overlook, they made the commitment to marry. They knew that Ohio would not allow them to legally wed, so they planned a commitment ceremony. Ronny and Dave were both raised as Catholics. To prepare for the lifelong commitment they were making, they participated in a three month marriage counseling process called Pre-Cana. On June 9, 2006, Ronny and Dave exchanged vows before God, their family, and their friends. Their priest was not allowed to officiate because of the Catholic Church"s position on homosexuality, but he attended as a guest. They soon began foster-to-adopt certification and in December, 2007, a six month old little boy was placed in their care as an emergency placement after his birth mother tried to commit suicide. Because only one of them was allowed by Ohio law to be his adoptive parent, Ronny became his legal father through adoption. When he was almost three years old, their son was diagnosed with autism. He required extensive early intervention therapy that included 40 hours a week of tutoring for over two years. He has transitioned to full day kindergarten. He can speak and read but he will require an educational intervention plan throughout his education. In March, 2009, another little boy was placed in Ronny and Dave"s care on an emergency basis. He came to them at six months old, directly from the hospital where he had undergone a double hernia surgery. His birth mother was homeless and unable to care for him. Three or four
See Declaration of Ronald Beck.
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months after they began fostering their second son and before the adoption process began, Ronny and Dave learned that their son would have multiple developmental delays. Ronny and Dave decided that they were just like any other parents who do not know beforehand the types of challenges their birth child may face. You love them anyway and you just figure it out. Giving him back was not an option because he was their son now. Dave became his adoptive parent. Although Ronny and Dave have drafted extensive paperwork to try to protect their family, they are always fearful of what would happen if one of them died. They worry about being separated from one of their children or having their sons separated from each other. They worry about their sons" medical insurance and the disposition of the deceased"s social security benefits. These and many other uncertainties would be resolved if Ronny and Dave were legally married just like an opposite-sex couple in their situation. Ronny has stopped working to stay at home and care for their sons with special needs. Ronny lost medical insurance coverage because Dave"s plan does not cover domestic partners, only spouses. They have had to purchase an individual health insurance plan for Ronny. Ronny and Dave would like to marry in Ohio and have that marriage legally recognized. D. Andrew Hickam and Ethan Fletcher4 Andrew and Ethan are both 29 years old and they are in love. They first met when they lived across the street from each other in Over-the-Rhine. They would say hello when they bumped into each other walking around the neighborhood. In December, 2011, Andrew invited Ethan to dinner. They soon discovered they have a lot in common. They are close to their families, treasure their friends, and love music. Ethan sang with the Cincinnati Men"s Chorus, and Andrew subsequently joined. In the spring of 2013, Andrew and Ethan moved in together.
See Declaration of Andrew Hickam.
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On New Year"s Eve 2013, Ethan told Andrew that he had planned a house party at the home of one of their friends. Before they left for the party, Ethan got down on one knee and asked Andrew to marry him. Of course Andrew said yes and they exchanged rings that Ethan had bought for both of them. The "house party" was really a "happy engagement party," because their friends were in on the surprise. Andrew and Ethan would like to marry soon. Both Andrew"s mother and Ethan"s grandmother are elderly. They all live close to each other and it is very important to Andrew and Ethan that they attend the wedding. Because of their age, it would be a significant hardship, if not impossible, for them to travel a great distance. If Andrew and Ethan could be married in Hamilton County, Andrew"s mother and Ethan"s grandmother could attend. It is important to Andrew and Ethan that they get married and not just have a commitment ceremony. They want a marriage that is on equal terms with opposite-sex couples. E. Gary Goodman and Karl Rece, Jr.5 Gary and Karl met in 2001 at King"s Island Pride Night. They fell in love immediately. Gary has twin boys and they soon embraced Karl as a father. In 2011, on their ten-year anniversary they went back to Kings Island for Pride Night and Gary proposed to Karl in front of many friends and family. Soon after their engagement, they began planning their wedding. They have created a guest list of 350 people. They have a date, theme, colors, and décor. They have even bought wedding favors for their guests. The only thing they don"t have is the right to be married at home, in Ohio. Gary and Karl"s family and friends love and support them and want to attend their wedding, but will only be able to do that if they are married in Ohio. Gary and Karl"s friends and family are not wealthy and cannot afford to travel to a destination wedding. If they get
See Declaration of Gary Goodman.
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married in Ohio, they expect to have over 300 guests. If they are married out of state, they would be lucky to have 10 guests attend. Gary and Karl want to celebrate their marriage at home, in front of all their family and friends. F. Rhonda Craig and Kendra Dukes6 Rhonda and Kendra met in 1997, started dating in 2003, and moved in together in 2004. Rhonda and Kendra always wanted children. Together they now have two children, a son and a daughter. Kendra, Rhonda, and their children have been discussing the importance of marriage. To them, marriage is a public expression of how they feel about their relationship and their family. Kendra and Rhonda are African-American, and feel that marriage for same-sex couples is an issue comparable to voting rights. It is not that you have to vote or get married, but they should have the same right to vote and marry that other citizens have. Kendra and Rhonda would like to get married. They believe it would be an important lesson for their children that you should not be judged by your color or by who you love. G. Plaintiffs Cannot Get Married in Ohio Plaintiffs cannot get married in Ohio. Ohio statutory law excludes same-sex couples from marriage. Ohio Rev. Code § 3101.01(A) states that "a marriage may only be entered into by one man and one woman." Section 3101.01(C)(1) declares that "any marriage between persons of the same sex is against the strong public policy of this state." Further, "any marriage between persons of the same sex shall have no legal force or effect in this state and, if attempted to be entered into in this state, is void ab initio and shall not be recognized by this state." Id. The Ohio Constitution also excludes same-sex couples from marriage. OH Const. Art. XV, §11 states, "Only a union between one man and one woman may be a marriage valid in or
See Declaration of Rhonda Craig.
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recognized by this state and its political subdivisions. This state and its political subdivisions shall not create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals that intends to approximate the design, qualities, significance or effect of marriage." To be married in Ohio, a couple must together appear in person at the county probate court where one of them resides or where they want to be married in Ohio. O.R.C. § 3101.05(A). The probate judge may only grant the marriage license if he is "satisfied there is no legal impediment" to the marriage. Once any of these couples apply for a marriage license in person, Defendant Judge Cissell will be required to deny them a marriage license since the legal impediment of being of the same sex would prohibit him from issuing a marriage license. Id. Furthermore, the Plaintiffs may not even apply for a marriage license without committing a crime. The application requires the marriage applicants to swear under oath that "there is no legal impediment to their marriage." Plaintiffs, knowing the prohibitions in Ohio law for samesex couples to marry, cannot swear to this statement. If any were to, they would be subject to criminal prosecution for the crime of falsification under O.R.C. § 2921.13 and 3101.99. O.R.C. § 3101.05 (B). Plaintiffs are prohibited from even having their marriage solemnized since no marriage shall be solemnized without the issuance of a marriage license. O.R.C.§ 3101.09. Defendant Mr. Himes is the interim director of the Ohio Department of Health ("ODH"). The Ohio Department of Health Office of Vital Statistics registers all marriages that take place in Ohio. O.R.C. § 3705.21. The ODH Director is in charge of the system of vital statistics, enforces the laws related to registering vital statistics, including marriages, and issues instructions and adopts rules as necessary. O.R.C. § 3705.02. The ODH Director prescribes the forms to be used in the system of vital statistics, including the certified abstract of marriage. O.R.C. § 3705.02; O.A.C. § 3701-5-02 (A)(10). Only those forms furnished or approved by the 8
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ODH Director may be used. O.A.C. § 3701-5-02 (C). Hamilton County Probate Court"s marriage application form requires the marriage applicants to swear there is no legal impediment to their marriage. (See sample Certified Abstract of Marriage at Exhibit 2). The ODH Director approved Hamilton County Probate Court"s certified abstract of marriage form. Unless this Court acts to enjoin these provisions of Ohio law as unconstitutional on its face these same-sex plaintiffs will not be able to get married on an equal basis as similarly situated opposite-sex men and women. H. Need for Injunction Defendant James Cissell, Hamilton County Probate Judge must deny marriage licenses to Plaintiffs because he is required to do so under Ohio Rev. Code § 3101.01 and OH Const. Art. XV, §11. Defendant Lance Himes is the Director of the Ohio Department of Health. As such, he is in charge of the system of vital statistics, enforces the laws related to registering vital statistics, including marriages, and issues instructions and adopts rules as necessary. These actions by Defendants deny to Plaintiffs the same status and dignity that Defendants extend to similarly situated opposite-sex couples. Plaintiffs" inability to get married undermines the security of their relationships and their families. The State does not offer them a safety net as a couple. In the event of serious injury they may be barred by hospital staff and/or relatives from their partners" bedsides due to lack of legally-recognized relationship status. If they are injured through the acts of another, the uninjured partner would be denied any loss of consortium by the courts. A surviving partner could not take through intestacy or by electing against her partner"s estate. In Ohio, like anywhere else, life can end in an instant, and after decades of love and commitment a surviving partner can be left with nothing. 9
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The status of marriage has unique social significance and recognition. Without access to the familiar language and label of marriage, Plaintiffs are unable to instantly or adequately communicate to others the depth or permanence of their commitment, or to obtain respect for that commitment as others do simply by invoking their married status or labeling the person they love "my husband" or "my wife." Plaintiffs" exclusion from marriage frustrates their life goals and dreams, their ability to fulfill their personal values, their happiness and self-determination. For Plaintiffs, marriage is a deeply held value. The Plaintiffs wants to be married in Ohio, their home state, where they have close family and friends. Some of the Plaintiffs are engaged; one couple has been engaged for three years. They have an urgent need to affirm their commitment to one another before their children, their family, their friends, and their community. Ohio treats Plaintiffs as strangers, rather than families, demeans their deepest relationships, and stigmatizes their children by labeling their families as second class. See Windsor, 133 S. Ct. at 2694. This court should take judicial notice of the factual record in Obergefell v. Wymyslo, 962 F.Supp.2d 968 (S.D. Ohio 2013) and Henry v. Himes, __ F. Supp.2d. __ (2014), 2014 WL 1418395 (April 14, 2014), including the expert declarations filed by the parties. There is no adequate remedy at law. The Plaintiffs and their families are all suffering irreparable harm by being denied their fundamental right to marry. There is no harm to the state or local governments by granting a declaratory judgment and an injunction prohibiting Defendants" enforcement of the challenged statute and Ohio constitutional amendment as applied to the plaintiffs with respect to the issuance of marriage licenses. The public interest is clearly served by this Court ordering Ohio to treat Plaintiffs the same as similarly situated opposite-sex couples who wish to marry. In fact, the State would benefit from placing the responsibilities of 10
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marriage upon the Plaintiffs who would be required to financially support each other and their shared minor children while married and in the event of a divorce. Only prompt action by this Court ordering declaratory and injunctive relief will serve the public interest. III. A. ARGUMENT
Standard for Granting Preliminary Relief. The standard for evaluating a request for preliminary injunctive relief under Rule 65 is
well established in this Circuit. Though, there is no "rigid and comprehensive test for determining the appropriateness of preliminary injunctive relief," Tate v. Frey, 735 F.2d 986, 990 (6th Cir. 1984) (citations omitted), the court should consider the following four factors: (1) Whether the party seeking the injunction has shown a substantial likelihood of success on the merits; (2) Whether the party seeking the injunction will suffer irreparable harm absent the injunction; (3) Whether the injunction will cause others to suffer substantial harm; (4) Whether the public interest would be served by the preliminary injunction. See also, Obergefell v. Kasich, 2103 WL 381462 (July 22, 2013) *2; Overstreet v. Lexington– Fayette Urban County Gov't, 305 F.3d 566, 573 (6th Cir.2002); Memphis Planned Parenthood, Inc. v. Sunquist, 175 F.3d 456, 460 (6th Cir. 1999); Southern Milk Sales, Inc. v. Martin, 924 F.2d 98, 103 n.3 (6th Cir. 1991). See also Jane Doe v. Barron, 92 F.Supp.2d 694, 695 (S.D. Ohio 1999); Women's Medical Professional Corp. v. Voinovich, 911 F. Supp. 1051 (S.D. Ohio 1995), aff"d, 130 F.3d 187 (6th Cir. 1997), cert. denied, 523 U.S. 1036 (1998). These factors are "to be balanced and [are] not prerequisites that must be satisfied . . . they are not meant to be rigid and unbending requirements." McPherson v. Michigan High School Athletic Association, 119 F.3d 453, 459 (6th Cir. 1997) (en banc). A finding of irreparable injury "is the single most important prerequisite that the Court must examine when ruling upon a motion for preliminary injunction."
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Even if the Court is not certain that a plaintiff is likely to succeed on the merits, a preliminary injunction is still appropriate where the plaintiff shows ""serious questions going to the merits and irreparable harm which decidedly outweighs any potential harm to the defendant,"" DeLorean, 755 F.2d 1223, 1229 (quoting Friendship Materials, Inc. v. Michigan Brick, Inc., 679 F.2d 100, 105 (6th Cir. 1982)), or if "the merits present a sufficiently serious question to justify further investigation," DeLorean, 755 F.2d at 1230. In this case, as thoroughly set out below and in the accompanying declarations, the plaintiffs meet the test for preliminary relief. Their likelihood of success on the merits, their irreparable harm, the balance of hardships, and the public interest all strongly favor the issuance of an injunction. B. Plaintiffs Have a Substantial Likelihood of Success on the Merits. Plaintiffs are likely to succeed on the merits in part because this case follows several recent court decisions holding that states violate the Constitution when they refuse to allow or recognize same-sex marriages. The most significant decision was the Supreme Court ruling in U.S. v. Windsor, 133 S. Ct. 2675 (June 26, 2013). In Windsor, the issue was the federal Defense of Marriage Act ("DOMA"), which denied recognition to same-sex marriages for the purposes of federal law. This included marriages from the 12 states and District of Columbia where same-sex couples could legally marry. The Court ruled that the federal government"s refusal to recognize marriages between same-sex couples legally performed in those states violated equal protection and due process principles guaranteed by the Fifth Amendment. The Supreme Court could have based its decision on Federalism principles, but it did not. Instead, it held Congress to account for its "bare congressional desire to harm a politically unpopular group," and gave federal DOMA careful consideration as a law 12
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"motivated by an improper animus or purpose" that created "[d]iscrimination[] of an unusual character." Id. at 2693 (internal quotations omitted). The Court detailed numerous rights and responsibilities incidental to marriage and found that DOMA divests "couples of the duties and responsibilities that are an essential part of married life and that they in most cases would be honored to accept were DOMA not in force." Id. at 2695. The Court also described how discriminatory marriage laws affect families with same-sex parents: "The differentiation demeans the couple, whose moral and sexual choices the Constitution protects, ... and it humiliates … children now being raised by same-sex couples." Windsor, 133 S. Ct. at 2694 (internal citations omitted). The Court described how discrimination against same-sex couples has an insidious effect on their children: "[It] makes it even more difficult for the children to understand the integrity and closeness of their own family and its concord with other families in their community and in their daily lives." Id. The Windsor Court made it clear that governments harm children when they treat their parents" love and commitment as worthless. Refusing to recognize a lawful marriage harms the entire family. Id. In a vigorous dissent, Justice Scalia provided the first interpretation of the majority decision. He predicted that lower courts applying the Windsor decision would use it to invalidate state laws prohibiting and refusing to recognize same-sex marriages. Id. at 2710. His prediction has proved accurate. Since the Windsor decision, federal courts in Michigan, Texas, Illinois, Virginia, Oklahoma, and Utah have ruled state DOMA laws unconstitutional and required those states to celebrate and/or recognize marriages of same-sex couples. DeBoer v. Snyder, No. 12-CV-10285, 2014 WL 1100794, at *17 (E.D. Mich. Mar. 21, 2014) (permanently enjoining Michigan anticelebration provisions on equal protection grounds); De Leon v. Perry, No. SA-13-CA-0098213
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OLG, 2014 WL 715741, at *1, *24 (W.D. Tex. Feb. 26, 2014) (preliminarily enjoining Texas anti-celebration and anti-recognition provisions on equal protection and due process grounds); Illinois Lee v. Orr, No. 13-CV-8719, 2014 WL 683680 (N.D. Ill. Feb. 21, 2014) (declaring Illinois celebration ban unconstitutional on equal protection grounds); Bostic v. Rainey, No. 2:13-cv-395, 2014 WL 561978, at *23 (E.D. Va. Feb. 13, 2014) (finding Virginia"s anticelebration and anti-recognition laws unconstitutional on due process and equal protection grounds, and preliminarily enjoining enforcement); Bishop v. United States ex rel. Holder, No. 04-CV-848-TCK-TLW, 2014 WL 116013, at *33-34 (N.D. Okla. Jan. 14, 2014) (permanently enjoining Oklahoma"s anti-celebration provisions on equal protection grounds); Kitchen v. Herbert, No. 2:13-cv-217, 2013 WL 6697874, at *30 (D. Utah Dec. 20, 2013) (permanently enjoining Utah anti-celebration provisions on due process and equal protection grounds). In Tennessee, Kentucky, and Ohio, federal courts have also found state DOMA laws unconstitutional and required those states to recognize marriages legally performed in other states. Henry v. Himes, __ F. Supp.2d. __ (2014), 2014 WL 1418395 (April 14, 2014), (permanently enjoining enforcement of Ohio"s anti-recognition provisions on due process and equal protection grounds); (Tanco v. Haslam, No. 3:13-cv-01159, 2014 WL 997525, at *6, *9 (M.D. Tenn. Mar. 14, 2014) (preliminarily enjoining enforcement of Tennessee anti-recognition provisions, on equal protection grounds); Bourke v. Beshear, No. 3:13-CV-750-H, 2014 WL 556729, at *1 (W.D. Ky. Feb. 12, 2014) (declaring Kentucky"s anti-recognition provisions unconstitutional on equal protection grounds); Obergefell, 2013 WL 6726688, *23-24 (permanently enjoining as to plaintiffs enforcement of Ohio anti-recognition provisions, on due process and equal protection grounds).
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The court in DeBoer, which is currently on appeal, found that the Michigan same-sex marriage ban "impermissibly discriminates against same-sex couples in violation of the Equal Protection Clause because the provision does not advance any conceivable legitimate state interest." DeBoer at * 10. The DeBoer court applied the lowest level of scrutiny to Michigan"s ban and found even under a rational basis review, the ban was not rationally related to the achievement of any of Michigan"s purported state interests: providing an optimal environment for child rearing, proceeding with caution before altering the traditional definition of marriage, upholding tradition and morality, and federalism. Id. at * 12-17. This wave of decisions is neither surprising nor novel. The federal courts have long been the true defenders of marriage. The Supreme Court has repeatedly come to the defense of those who are denied their fundamental right to marry. That right is well established under the due process clause. "[T]he freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men." Loving v. Virginia, 388 U.S. 1, 12 (1967); Henry at * 7. When that vital personal right has been denied to certain classes of individuals by the state, such discrimination has been consistently struck down as unconstitutional. See e.g., Id. (state statutes criminalizing interracial marriages violate equal protection and substantive due process rights); Turner v. Safley, 482 U.S. 78 (1987) (prison regulation requiring superintendent to approve inmate marriages unconstitutionally burdens inmates" right to marry); Zablocki v. Redhail, 434 U.S. 374 (1978) (Wisconsin statute requiring residents with child-support obligations to get judicial permission to marry unconstitutionally impinges right to marry). Gay and lesbian individuals are not the first minority group to be denied their right to marry by the majority, and when the majority revokes a minority"s rights through a popular vote and then claims "because we voted so" as a legitimate reason for their 15
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discrimination, the law"s "popular origin … does nothing to insulate the provision from constitutional scrutiny." Debore, No. 12-CV-10285, __ F.Supp.2d__, 2014 WL 1100794 at *16. For "the very purpose of a Bill of Rights was to withdraw certain subjects from the vicissitudes of political controversy, to place them beyond the reach of majorities and officials and to establish them as legal principles to be applied by the courts." Id. (quoting West Virginia Bd. Of Ed. v. Barnette, 319 U.S. 624, 638 (1943)). Democracy can become tyranny if everything can be put to a vote. For this reason, the courts are obligated to defend the sacred ground of marriage. For the right to marry is "older than the Bill of Rights – older than our political parties." Id. at 384 (quoting Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479, 486 (1965)). "Marriage is a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred. It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects." Id. Both the proponents and opponents of Ohio"s marriage ban likely share this view of marriage, but regrettably they "part ways despite this shared reverence for marriage. They part over a dispute regarding who among [Ohio"s] citizenry may exercise the fundamental right to marry." Bostic, No. 2:13-cv-395, 2014 WL 561978, at *12. Thankfully, this dispute is destined to end, for marriage is not defined by its parties, but by their union. The Court"s understanding of marriage, and the lesson implicit in Loving, is that the right to marry is not about the two people who claim it. Consequently the right is not modified by their race, convictions, financial obligations, or sexual orientation. The right to marry is defined by the nature of the marital union itself and the right of couples to pursue its perfection without interference by the government. The Plaintiff couples in this case seek to perfect their union 16
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through marriage and no social cause, political agenda, or popular vote can trump their constitutional right to do so. The Supreme Court also recognizes that an important part of the right to marry is the legal rights attached to marriage. "Marital status often is a precondition to the receipt of government benefits (e.g., Social Security benefits), property rights (e.g., tenancy by the entirety, inheritance rights), and other, less tangible benefits (e.g., legitimation of children born out of wedlock)." Turner, 482 U.S. at 96. The Windsor court recognized that federal DOMA controlled over 1,000 statutes and federal regulations. 133 S.Ct. at 2694. Ohio considers marriage status when distributing benefits under numerous entitlement programs (welfare benefits, food stamps, Medicaid, etc.). In the event of serious injury in Ohio, an unmarried same-sex partner may be barred by hospital staff and/or relatives from their partners" bedsides due to lack of legally-recognized relationship status. If they are injured through the acts of another, the uninjured partner would be denied any loss of consortium by the courts or the right to bring a wrongful death claim, or the right to inherit. The Plaintiff couples seek the status of legal marriage so they can gain access to these rights enjoyed by similarly situated opposite-sex couples. In Henry this Court held that the right to marry is a fundamental right, protected by the Due Process Clause of the U.S. Constitution. Henry at *7. The Court further found that Ohio"s "marriage ban [is] facially unconstitutional and unenforceable in all circumstances on the record before it" in Henry, which record the Plaintiffs will request the Court to accept in this case. Id. Additionally, the Court found that the right to parent is a fundamental right. Id. at *9. In light of this long judicial practice of defending marriage from politics and defining the right to marry by the nature of the union not the nature of the parties, the Plaintiffs have a high 17
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likelihood of success on the merits based on the due process arguments. That likelihood is even greater given the rulings from this and other courts based on equal protection. Plaintiffs have requested that this Court take judicial notice of the extensive record in Obergefell and Henry, particularly the expert declarations, including the reports of Megan Fulcher and Susan Becker which address issues of marriage, family, and child rearing. The Obergefell court announced a view of sexual orientation long-held by psychologists, historians, and gay and lesbian individuals. In Obergefell, this Court analyzed whether classifications based on sexual orientation should be recognized as a suspect class and afforded heightened scrutiny. Id. at *13. The Court declared that the Sixth Circuit"s prior holdings denying heightened scrutiny based on sexual orientation are no longer sound precedent. Id. The Court went on to analyze the four factors that determine whether classifications qualify as a suspect or quasi-suspect class: whether the class (1) has faced historical discrimination, (2) has a defining characteristic that bears a relation to contribute to society, (3) has immutable characteristics, and (4) is politically powerless. Id. at *14. After a thorough discussion, the Court held that "sexual orientation discrimination accordingly fulfills all the criteria the Supreme Court has identified, and thus Defendants must justify Ohio"s failure to recognize same-sex marriages in accordance with a heightened scrutiny analysis." Id. at *18. The defendants "utterly failed to do so." Id. The Obergefell court is not alone in reviewing classifications based on sexual orientation using heightened scrutiny. So have district courts in Texas7 and Virginia.8 This Court also found that Ohio failed the most deferential standard of equal protection analysis because it "is engaging in "discrimination[] of an unusual character" without a rational basis for doing so." Id. at *19 (quoting Windsor, 133
7 8
De Leon, No. 12-CV-10285, 2014 WL 1100794, *12-14. Bostic, No. 2:13-cv-395, 2014 WL 561978, at *22 fn. 16.
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S.Ct. at 1693). Thus, the court correctly held that Ohio"s refusal to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions violated the Equal Protection Clause. Id. The same holds true for Ohio"s discrimination against same-sex couples who wish to get married in Ohio. For the foregoing reasons, Plaintiffs have a substantial likelihood of success on the merits of their claims. C. Plaintiffs Are Experiencing Irreparable Harm Plaintiffs are experiencing irreparable harm. Defendants" denial of the right to marry to Plaintiffs imposes numerous indignities and legal disabilities. Further, the state is violating the Plaintiffs" fundamental right to marry the person of their choosing and to function as a family. These violations, disabilities, and indignities all constitute irreparable harm. The violation of an individual"s fundamental constitutional rights constitutes irreparable harm as a matter of law. Obergefell, 962 F.Supp.2d at 996 (denying plaintiffs their right to marriage recognition imposes irreparable harm). See e.g., Elrod v. Burns, 427 U.S. 347, 373 (1976) ("The loss of First Amendment freedoms, for even minimal periods of time, unquestionably constitutes irreparable injury"); Saenz v. Roe, 526 U.S. 489, 498 (1999) (violation of right to travel interstate constituted irreparable injury); Planned Parenthood Ass'n of Cincinnati v. City of Cincinnati, 822 F.2d 1390 (6th Cir.1987) (finding irreparable injury where plaintiff has shown substantial likelihood of success on merits of constitutional challenge to abortion regulation); Amalgamated Transit Union, Local 1277, AFL-CIO v. Sunline Transit Agency, 663 F. Supp. 1560 (C.D. Cal. 1987) (violation of right to be free of unreasonable seizures during litigation constitutes irreparable harm). Defendants have also violated the married Plaintiffs" fundamental constitutional right to marry. "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights 19
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essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men." Loving v. Virginia, 388 U.S. 1, 12 (1967). The right to have your marriage entered into in one state recognized in other states is a fundamental constitutional right. Henry v. Himes, __ F. Supp.2d. __ (2014), 2014 WL 1418395 at * 7-9. (April 14, 2014). Therefore, Ohio"s violation of this right constitutes irreparable harm as a matter of law. The Defendants have violated the fundamental constitutional rights of the Plaintiffs with minor children to care for their children without interference by the state. "The interest of parents in the care, custody, and control of their children [] is perhaps the oldest of the fundamental liberty interests recognized by [the Supreme Court]." Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57, 65 (2000). It is well-established under the law "that the custody, care and nurture of the child reside first in the parents, whose primary function and freedom include preparation for obligations the state can neither supply nor hinder." Prince v. Massachusetts, 321 U.S. 158, 166 (1944). "A family"s right to remain together without the coercive interference of the awesome power of the state is the most essential and basic aspect of familial privacy." Hernandez ex rel. Hernandez v. Foster, 657 F.3d 463, 478 (7th Cir. 2011). D. An Injunction Will Not Cause Harm to the Defendants or Anyone Else. An injunction in this case will have no material effect on anyone other than the Plaintiffs. The State of Ohio will not be harmed by allowing Plaintiffs to marry. It is anticipated Ohio may argue that the state interest in preserving the traditional definition of marriage or assuring the will of the people is carried out are legitimate state interests that outweigh Plaintiffs" interests. However, this Court rejected such state interests in Henry, at *11-12.
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The Balance of Hardships and the Public Interest Favor Issuance of an Injunction. In constitutional cases, an inquiry into the public interest is difficult to separate from the
likelihood of success on the merits because "the public interest is promoted by the robust enforcement of constitutional rights." Am. Freedom Def. Initiative v. Suburban Mobility for Reg. Transp., 698 F.3d 885, 896 (6th Cir. 2012). In this case, the public interest is clearly served by awarding an injunction. However, the harm imposed on committed same-sex couples by their exclusion from marriage is severe. They must meticulously keep powers of attorney, medical power of attorney, and living wills up to date and available. They have to pay lawyers to draft co-custody agreements for each child and create and update estate planning documents to achieve what opposite-sex couples achieve with a marriage license. They are denied tax benefits, public benefits and employer benefits that are tied to their status as legally married in Ohio. In Windsor, the Supreme Court stated that there were over 1,000 federal benefits that are impacted. The balance of hardships clearly favors relief for the plaintiffs. IV. CONCLUSION
This Court should issue a temporary restraining order or a preliminary injunction restraining the defendants from enforcing Ohio Rev. Code §3101.01(C) (3) and (4) and Art. XV, §11, of the Ohio Constitution as applied to all same-sex couples who wish to get married in Ohio. This includes but is not limited to such officials accepting marriage license applications, issuing marriage licenses, allowing officiates to solemnize marriages, accepting marriage certificates from persons authorized to perform marriages in Ohio, and by recording marriage licenses as a Vital Record in Ohio.
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Respectfully submitted,
Lisa T. Meeks #0062074 NEWMAN & MEEKS Co., LPA 215 E. Ninth Street, Suite 650 Cincinnati, OH 45202 Phone: 513.639.7000 Fax: 513.639.7011 firstname.lastname@example.com Attorney for Plaintiffs
/s/ Jennifer L. Branch Jennifer L. Branch #0038893 Trial Attorney for Plaintiffs Alphonse A. Gerhardstein # 0032053 Jacklyn Gonzales Martin #0090242 GERHARDSTEIN & BRANCH Co. LPA 432 Walnut Street, Suite 400 Cincinnati, Ohio 45202 Phone: 513.621.9100 Ext. 13 Fax: 513. 345-5543 firstname.lastname@example.com email@example.com firstname.lastname@example.com Attorneys for Plaintiffs
CERTIFICATE OF SERVICE I hereby certify all defendants were served with a copy of this Motion by email or fax service on April 30, 2014 and putative counsel for defendants have also been served by email on April 30, 2014: Bridget Coontz Constitutional Offices Assistant Section Chief Office of Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine email@example.com Kimberley Vanover Riley Montgomery, Rennie & Johnson firstname.lastname@example.com David Stevenson Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor firstname.lastname@example.com
/s/Jennifer L. Branch
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UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF OHIO WESTERN DIVISION Michelle Gibson, et al., Plaintiffs, vs. Lance Himes, et al., Defendants. : : : : : : : : Case No. 1:14-cv-347 Judge: PROPOSED TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER AND PRELIMINARY INJUNCTION
Upon consideration of the Plaintiffs' motion for a temporary restraining order and preliminary injunctive relief and the response of the defendant, this Court has found and concluded, for the specific reasons required under Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 65(d) that plaintiffs have shown (1) a likelihood of success on the merits on at least some of their claims, (2) that they will suffer irreparable harm if an injunction is not issued, and (3) that the balance of harms and the public interest weigh in favor of granting the preliminary injunction. Specifically, the Court finds, that Ohio Rev. Code §3101.01(C) and Art. XV, §11, Ohio Constitution, on their face, violate rights secured by the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution in that same-sex couples are denied their fundamental right to marry without due process of law and are treated differently than opposite-sex couples. There is insufficient state interest to justify singling out same-sex couples and preventing their marriages, given the severe harm it imposes on the Plaintiffs. THEREFORE, it is hereby ORDERED that the motion is GRANTED and defendants Lance Himes and Judge James Cissell, and their officers, agents, servants, employees, and attorneys, and those persons in active concert or participation with defendants who receive actual notice of this Order, are TEMPORARILY RESTRAINED from enforcing ORC §3101.01(C) and
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Art. XV, §11, Ohio Constitution, and must issue marriage licenses to Michelle Gibson, Deborah Meem, Heather Apple, Mary K. Koehler, Ronald Kastner Beck, David Beck, Andrew Hickam, Ethan Fletcher, Gary Goodman, Karl Rece, Jr., Rhonda Craig, and Kendra Dukes upon their application, duly record their marriages once properly solemnized, and extend to Plaintiffs all the rights and responsibilities of marriage under Ohio law.
This Temporary Restraining Order shall expire on ___________________________ at 5:00 p.m., unless extended by the parties and the Court.
Plaintiffs shall not be required to post bond. Moltan Co. v. Eagle-Picher Indus., Inc., 55 F.3d 1171, 1176 (6th Cir. 1995). IT IS SO ORDERED. Date: ________________
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Exhibit 2
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Born on October 16 1890 in Corinaldo, in the Ancona Province in Italy, her farmworker father moved his family to Ferrier di Conca, near Anzio. When he died of malaria, Maria's mother had to ... continue reading | shop
St. Jude, known as Thaddaeus, was a brother of St. James the Less, and a relative of Our Saviour. He was one of the 12 Apostles of Jesus and his attribute is a club. Images of St. Jude ... continue reading | shop
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When Alfred Bessette came to the Holy Cross Brothers in 1870, he carried with him a note from his pastor saying, "I am sending you a saint." The Brothers found that difficult to believe. Chronic stomach pains had made it impossible for Alfred to hold a job very long ... continue reading
By Deacon Keith Fournier
This great defender of the faith insisted on the central claim of Christianity: God can be known and loved-indeed, that is why He came into our midst in the person of His Son; so that through a relationship with Jesus Christ, man could participate in the very ... continue readingMore Christian Saints & Heroes

subset: commoncrawl


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Written on: 21/08/2013 by HB-S (1 review written)
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Hours: Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sat., 9:30 a.m.-6 p.m.
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3 reviews, 12 user ratings
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"Don't like sports? See it anyway."
USA 14-Oct-1994 (PG-13) DVD: 10-May-2005UK N/AAustralia 05-Sep-1996 (M)
Directed by
Steve James
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Frederick Marx
William Gates
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Yeah pity the series was utter rubbish. …
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Comment on Ebiten Further Nipplified by Anonymous:
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Anonymous made other comments on this post:
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ahah lol :-D
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Here you can watch back all the action that was the 2016 Kentucky Derby. When it comes to sporting events, there are few that we see throughout the year that are more .
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Cupid flutters into Steve Haskin's Derby Dozen this week. Where does he land? Read to find out!.
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In this week's In Judy's Kitchen, we celebrate the holidays by making a Southern favorite candy. There are two types of recipes for "bourbon balls.".
LEXINGTON, Ky. - A massive fire destroyed a 70-year-old beef cattle auction business in Lexington on Saturday, churning up a plume of thick, black smoke .
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All Articles Tagged "kids"
5 Tips For Raising Thoughtful Kids
Sometimes I feel like we live in a world where people never have enough. I know not everyone subscribes to this "I need more" philosophy, but it sure can feel like more people are jumping on that bandwagon than we want to admit.
Now it's not just the wanting more that concerns me, but it's the desire to have more without thinking about others. There seems to be this trend of people looking out for themselves, not terribly concerned about what happens to anyone else along the way.
So, with this negativity in the air, how do we raise kids who truly understand the importance of thoughtfulness? How do we raise children who know how and when to put the needs and feelings of others before their own?
I think parenting is pretty challenging and figuring out how to raise well balance, happy kids who move through the world with confidence while realizing things don't revolve around them is pretty tough.
We want our kids to have the best in life, and in an effort to give them what we didn't have, we sometimes give them too much. I am guilty of this myself. We've had Christmas mornings where it looked like Santa's sleigh crashed into our family room. And although many of the gifts were from family members, it's still a bit much.
So how do we give our kids the best while still making sure they are thoughtful human beings? Here are a few tips.
Focus on giving at an early age.
It's never too early to show your kids how important it is to give. You can start with practicing something simple like donating several times a year and explaining why it's so important. As they get older, expand and get your kids involved with other opportunities to give to others. Whether it's volunteering at a senior center, or creating care packages to send overseas to our troops, let them get involved with things that are age appropriate. The habit will become a part of who they are and it will guide how they live.
Let your kids go without sometimes.
I know you want to give your kids everything they want because you love them so much and they are so darn cute, but resist the urge. Sometimes your kids need to hear no. It isn't mean and it teaches them that things work out just fine when you don't get what want. It also teaches them to appreciate what they already have—especially since some people don't have as much as they do.
Read books that highlight thoughtfulness.
There are great children's books about sharing, caring, considering the needs of others, and giving. Don't wait for Thanksgiving to focus on giving. Make it a habit to read books like this with your kids year-round, and take the time to ask and answer questions they may have.
Have your kids practice gratitude and caring.
Being grateful is something you should teach kids when they are young. Through prayer, journaling, behaviors, and attitudes, show your kids everyday how important it is to be grateful for all of their blessings. Also, place a focus on caring for things. Give your kids chores to do. Have them take responsibility for a pet. These little things help kids develop thoughtfulness because it gives them responsibility and allows them to see how important it is to help others.
Be a strong example.
I just don't see how you can raise really thoughtful kids if you refuse to practice thoughtfulness yourself. Makes sense, right? So, despite how crazy our days can be (and I know they can be crazy), we have to make time to show by example how important it is to be thoughtful. Your kids admire you so leading by example is always a great idea.
Martine Foreman is a life + relationship coach, freelance writer, lifestyle blogger, and speaker. To learn more about her work and get great tips on how to create a life you love, check her out at CandidBelle.
Tags:kids, kindness, teaching kindness, thoughtful kids
5 Ways To Help Your Child Unwind During Summer Break
Ahhh, summer vacation: a relaxing break from all of the hustle and bustle of the school year, right? Not so much, say most families. These days summer vacation seems to consist of less vacation and more activities designed to keep us busy and on-the-go at all times. But what are the effects of the never-ending packed schedule for both parents and children? Stress!
Michele Kambolis, renowned child and family therapist, speaker, and author of "Generation Stressed: Play-Based Tools to Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety" has seen a significant rise in young patients with severe anxiety and points out that parents are also more stressed than their peers. In the article below, she points to five simple ways parents can help their children actually unwind and recharge this summer, relieving them of anxiety-triggers and positioning them for their best, happiest, most successful school year yet.
Now is the time to tackle anxiety issues, before they develop into something deeper and more difficult to treat – and summer break is the perfect time to start.
With school doors closed for summer, parents are left wondering just how to make the most of this precious time. While some pack in sports camps and even summer tutoring, others question whether there should be any plan at all. You'll easily find experts on both sides of the debate. There simply are no hard and fast rules when it comes to finding that summer balance, but finding ways to unwind and recharge top everyone's list.
1. Leran about mindfulness
A life practice of mindful attention and reflection is hands-down the most powerful tool we have to cultivate a family ecosystem of well-being. It also helps kids relax. When we connect through active, open attention on the present and live mindfully, as a non-judgmental observer, we can access the separation, patience and expansive state of being that supports heart-centered parenting. It is the antidote to anxiety. All it requires is sitting and quieting the mind (which is much easier said than done!). Persuading children to sit in contemplation for any period of time can be a challenge. Here is one trick that might help. Invite kids to sit on an imaginary train. Tell them to close their eyes and turn their internal spotlight on the scenery going by. Notice that the scenery is full of images and thoughts about caring for others. Ask them to do a body scan and notice where in their body they sense feelings of love and kindness.
2. Get your hands dirty aka play
With overscheduling and over-focusing on technology, many children have lost the essential, brain-supporting work of play – and play is indeed their work. They are calling on us to show up from a playful, non-anxious and conscious state of being. There is joy in play; where there is joy, anxiety cannot exist. So get down and speak their native language, where toys are your words and play is your palette. If that's too hard to authentically pull off, try de-stressing together with animal yoga, building a worry wall with sticky notes, or playing a board game.
3. Move to relax
Getting busy with our bodies is one of the most powerful buffers from the harmful impact of stress. Summer is a natural time to get a move on. The surge in feel-good neurochemicals not only boosts our immune system, it helps us to feel less stressed overall. Add the great outdoors to the mix and you will have doubled down on the benefits. Studies show we're happier and more relaxed when we're in natural environments than when we are indoors.
4. Find a furry friend
This is summer happiness homework most children will easily buy into: spend some time with a pet. One study by Dognition, an organization founded by Duke University researcher and cognitive scientist Brian Hare, found pet ownership to be strongly connected to increased well-being. Researchers found that the act of petting a dog decreases blood pressure and increases dopamine, prolactin and oxytocin, all hormones associated with happiness and bonding, as well as beta-endorphins, which are associated with relaxation and pain relief. Snuggling a furry friend causes a pleasure surge on a par with finding money, eating chocolate and looking at pictures of smiling babies.
5. Discover down time
Unstructured down time is one of the greatest gifts (and challenges) we can offer our kids over the summer. It's when they discover new passions, talents and learn to structure and regulate themselves. Their imagination flourishes and relaxation comes naturally as they find their authentic voice, un-imposed by adult expectations and agendas. It's a time when children can be in control, relax and maybe even uncover their dreams.
Summer can and should be a time of meaningful, mindful activity, and of repose and reflection. Finding that balance is the key to a summer that is not only restorative for both kids and parents, but provides long-lasting benefits into the new school year and beyond.
Michele Kambolis (MA) is a registered Child and Family Therapist and Parent Educator and a Registered Clinical Counselor dedicated to raising awareness about mental health issues. Kambolis writes a popular weekly parenting advice column, "Parent Traps" for The Vancouver Sun and Postmedia Network chain of newspapers. She is also the author of Generation Stressed: Play-Based Tools to Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety. Her website is michelekambolis.com
Tags:kids, stress, summer break
Police Brutality And Our Kids: When Do You Have The Talk?
I feel fortunate and blessed to have hit the streets and marched in the name of the countless victims of police brutality this week. New York City was just one of scores of cities around the nation protesting peacefully, yet outraged at the senseless murder of people at the hands of the police. People of all races, ages, colors, creeds and backgrounds convened in solidarity. It was a wonderful sight.
There weren't a lot of kids out there though. I wondered why.
Back in the day, I'll never forget my mother telling me of stories about my grandmother. My grandmother, Mama 'Cille, would not allow my mom or her other siblings to participate in any marches/rallies/boycotts back in the Civil Rights Movement. Back then, the cops were spraying high-pressure hoses on Black people, pummeling peaceful protesters and straight up killing folks. Kids were there too and were an integral part of the movement.
So, why didn't I see many children at the rally? Honestly, I'm not sure. I have some theories.
I think that many of us remain somewhat conflicted, like when to tell a kid there is no Tooth Fairy. In normal propaganda, kids are ingrained with the notion that cops are the good guys and they protect and serve the people. Even in New York, a city with a legacy of police brutality, this remains. I'll never forget seeing a police officer at a rally on Malcolm X Day in Harlem. His face, beet-red, visually evoked a "headbussa" to the protestors. However, after things died down, I saw the same cop playing with a little Black boy, who seemed fascinated with Mr. Officer.
My distrust of police has never been higher and back in the day, I used to have my encounters with them over minor matters – like being young and Black. I am trying to figure out how to tell my daughter – like with the Tooth Fairy – that what she may have learned on "Sesame Street," doesn't exist. That is not to say that there are no good cops. I know some good cops. Unfortunately, the idyllic life that we desire for our kids doesn't allow for trust. Trusting can get you beaten, or killed.
Historically, children were a vital part in the struggle for equal rights and perhaps this is why Black people haven't moved the ball forward more. Somewhere in the 70's and 80's a middle class developed and a few crumbs derailed us mentally, in my opinion. The average age of a member of the Black Panther Party For Self Defense was 19-year-old (other reports say the average age dipped as low as 16.). Go figure. At the rally in NYC, which traversed from Union Square (14th Street) all the way to Times Square (42nd Street) was lead by young people. They didn't appear to be teenagers, but they were highly-motivated and fired up.
The next rally, I'm taking my daughter with me. She's far more aware than I was coming up. She notes when a police officer turns on her/his flashers just to run a red light, for example. She sees these as minor daily injustices. She knows police are supposed to follow rules too. She already knows, that the Tooth Fairy, is a figment of adult's imagination. So why pretend with police in Mayberry, U.S.A. exist? In an era where it feels like Black people should adopt the Target department store logo? Nope.
It's time to have that talk, then that walk.
For more, please read: "15 Ways To Help Destroy Police Brutality"
Tags:chuck creekmur, kids, police brutality
5 Ways Kids Who Grow Up With A Single Parent Love Differently
By Bob Alaburta
Not everyone grows up like a kid on The Cosby Show.
Children of single parents grow up seeing a very different example of romantic love than those who grew up in a "normal" household. Namely, none at all.
Growing up with loving parents can fill you with positive examples of how to handle relationships when you're older. Even having two parents who hate each others' guts can demonstrate what NOT to do. Either way, it's a learning experience.
But children of a single parent are left to gain that experience on their own. It's a lot like taking on a new job with no training: you learn the most in the field, but it's nice to have a heads up of what to expect.
That's not to say that children with a single parent are helpless; we just have to learn some things on our own, and overall, we value different qualities in our partner.
1. We value inner strength and perseverance.
Growing up, my mom alternated between working two and three jobs at a time, getting a degree, and raising 3 boys on her own. It was easy to see it wasn't easy.
She could've easily given up at any point but she stuck through it, and my brothers and I only have her to thank for not crumbling under the massive pressure.
In growing up with a strong mother, I greatly admire that trait in others. It shows character and lets you know the other person isn't just going to give up when things get tough.
2. We're more independent, so give us room to breathe.
If you're the child of a single parent and you aren't in the upper class, you're probably a "latchkey kid." That is, you spend a lot of your after-school time unsupervised while your parent is working.
You learn to cook, take care of your things, and otherwise fend for yourself. Years of that independence causes you to grow used to having alone time.
I'll often feel guilty when my girlfriend helps me with something, because I'm so used to taking care of so many things myself — even though she loves me and is more than happy to lend a hand.
I can't help it, and I imagine it stems from how guilty I'd feel if my mom came home from working her second job and I'd only created more work for her in the meantime while she was doing her best to provide for us.
So, don't take it personally if you're dating a child of a single parent. This is just standard-issue emotional baggage that comes with the territory.
3. We're heavily influenced by the parent who raised us.
When you have both parents, I imagine you get a more balanced view on dating and life in general. Growing up with a single mom, I disproportionately received the female perspective on a lot of issues.
I feel like that's caused me to be more keenly aware of women's needs and emotions in relationships. Possibly to the detriment of knowing my own needs and emotions … it's impossible to know.
I'd wager that someone growing up with only their dad might have a few more "manly" traits, while maybe not understanding or relating to women as easily. And perhaps a guy raised by his mom might get you more, but may lack in other character traits a father would pass on.
Obviously, everyone is different, and the longer you live the more you can make up for these deficits. But don't be surprised if a dude with no dad never learned to be chivalrous, or a guy with no mom doesn't realize "I'm fine" means the polar opposite.
4. We might be a little afraid of commitment.
When you see the effects a broken relationship can have, and live through them, it might make you a little hesitant to commit for fear of making the same mistakes.
If your significant other is a child of a single parent, it should come as no surprise if they aren't gung-ho about marriage or kids. They don't want to cause the same home situation for someone else that they had themselves.
It's not that they're anti-commitment, it's just that it might take them a lot longer to warm up to the idea. Patience is a virtue.
5. We're strong enough to handle it, so you can lean on us.
Having no parent around a lot of the time when you're young means having to grow up a little quicker. It's not easy, but those tribulations give you strength. And what's the point of strength if you don't put it to use?
Don't be afraid to turn to your single parent partner if you need to. They can take it, and you'll have someone you know you can count on when times are tough.
We're all a product of how we grew up. Use that knowledge to better understand your partner, and it can only improve your relationship.
Reprinted with permission. This article originally appeared at YourTango.com
Tags:kids, single dads, single moms, single parents
Single Moms: If You Can't Answer Yes To These Questions, You're Not Ready To Date
The time's going to come along eventually when you start wondering if you should date as a single mom. We single moms, we're a pretty over-analytical, cautious, self-doubting bunch of guilt sponges so the decision to date usually takes a lot of thought. But that's okay because it prepares us for all the planning necessary once we do start dating.
Should you date as a single mom? Probably eventually. Should you do it now? Here are 4 things to think about.
1. Are you ready?
Are you free and clear of feelings for your ex or are you still in the healing process? Yes, dating again can help you heal but it should come toward the end of the journey, not the beginning. We're not just talking about love-y feelings but also anger, resentment, jealousy and 706 other possible remnants.
You don't have to wait until you're free of every single emotion related to your past relationship but you should wait until you're free of the ones that might have an undue influence on your choices.
2. Are your kids ready?
Even if your kids have never met their father, they may not be ready to share you with someone else yet. While they shouldn't be allowed to dictate whether you start dating, they should be allowed to prepare for when you start dating.
It's a good idea to explain in age-appropriate ways that you are thinking about going out and meeting new people. Help little ones understand that adults need adult company just like they need their friends, no matter how much they enjoy spending time with you.
With older kids, especially those who are close to their fathers, be sure to give them opportunities to say what they feel respectfully but honestly.
Really listen to your kids and then decide if this is the right time or if you should wait a bit.
3. Is the guy ready?
If you have a certain guy in mind, you need to pre-qualify him. A lot of guys don't understand that dating a single mom isn't quite the same as dating a woman without children.
Does he understand you can't drop everything to head out on a last-minute date? Does he understand (and like) that your kids will always come first? Is he okay with the fact that he doesn't have to date your kids but he does have to meet them…or is he hoping to pretend you're unencumbered?
Sometimes dating a single dad is a great way to pre-qualify someone in this regard, but don't limit yourself to single parents and don't assume that all single dads are close to perfect, either.
4. Do you even have time?
Sure, you're just talking about occasional drinks or dinner out but even casual dating sucks up a lot of time. Once you make the plans, find the babysitter, try on seventeen outfits, shave, and then actually have the date, you're talking about hours invested.
You remember how dating works, right? Usually before you find a good guy, you have to wade through the weenie, ditch the mama's boy, and nod off listening to the narcissist. That's three dates right there before you actually find someone relatively decent.
Or hey…..you could hit the jackpot the first time out. You never know.
But take a look at everything you're juggling, all the sleep you're not getting, and all the things that are on your to-do list and make a conscious decision about whether you actually have room in your life right now or if dating would just be another stressor.
If all of these questions can be answered with a resounding "yes," then maybe, just maybe, you're ready to date as a single mom.
Reprinted with permission. Originally appeared on Your Tango
Tags:dating, kids, single moms
The Benefits Of Being An Older Mother
Not too long ago, the wisdom was that it was better for a mother to listen to her biological clock sooner rather than later. But times have changed. With different advancements happening and many women having healthy children as they get older, shutting those beliefs down, the number of women having children in their late 30s and 40s is higher than ever. More and more women are taking advantage of having more time.
As things change, we're all finding out more about motherhood than we knew before. And we've discovered that there are actually many benefits to being an older mother. From health benefits for mom, to an education jump-start for the kids, here are a few reasons why putting motherhood off until a little later is becoming more of an attractive option for women.
Tags:kids, motherhood, Parenting
Kid President: What Kids Really Want Out Of Summer Vacation
How are you spending quality time with the kids this summer?
Tags:kids, summer vacation
Pop Mom: Who's Your Daddy? Should Kids Call Mom's Boyfriend Dad?
Should your boyfriend discipline your kids? "Hell, no!" says my aunt, commenting about a recent article I wrote. Never one to hold back her opinion, she tells me that it reminds her of women who let their kids call their boyfriends 'daddy.' "If that ain't your real dad, don't call him that," she says, adding that she's seen women with so many boyfriends/daddies that the kids don't know who their real father is. She's got a point. You can't just give that title away.
Feeling super chatty and thoughtful this particular evening, we try to come up with reasons as to why some women do it. She says that it probably feeds a mom's desperation to have a 'family.'
If the kid starts calling the boyfriend dad, maybe he'll start acting like one. I speculate that the mom doesn't want to break the kid's heart by saying, "That's not your father!" especially, if the real dad isn't around. I mean, what kid doesn't want a daddy?
It's tricky for me because I never had a daddy. I mean, I did have a man whose sperm helped create me, but we only saw each other a few times a year, and I only called him by his first name. Daddy? No way. That title is special.
But still, we can't say that it's never appropriate for a boyfriend, can we? I decided to get off the phone with my aunt and go directly to a source, the daughter of my BFF. She's in her mid-twenties and has a two-year-old son that calls her boyfriend daddy. I was curious to see what she had to say.
"I never told my son to call my boyfriend daddy, he just started doing it," explains T. "Da-Da was the first words out of his mouth."
Okay, but what about his father?
That's a long story that has to be made short. Basically, she met her son's father while broken up with her boyfriend of 10 years. The friendship quickly turned sexual, and before she could figure out that he wasn't about sh*t, she was already pregnant with his eighth kid.
From there, things fell completely apart.
Tags:#popmom, boyfriend, kids, single moms
Why I Have A Serious Problem With Parents Feeding Their Kids Junk Food
"Give her some Doritos, too. Don't be a hog," a mother told her teenage son on the train, pointing to her daughter that couldn't have been any older than six. "Pass her Doritos?" I thought to myself. "Naw, she definitely needs to chill on that."
This dialogue happened nearly six months ago, and it's still heavy on my mind. Why do parents feed their kids junk food? Seriously?
As a kid, my mother wasn't strict about what I ate but everything I digested was of good quality. There was no dark soda (just Sprite sparingly), no super-sugary treats drenched in high fructose corn syrup or pork allowed. Every now and then I would indulge in something sweet, but even well into December I'd have candy still left over from Halloween that would remain untouched and then ultimately thrown away. I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I never was sugar crazy. Even today, the only candy I ever pick up when I'm craving something sweet is a pack of Sour Patch Kids.
As a kid I didn't understand why exactly my mom didn't allow me to eat certain things, but as I got older I started to understand importance of what I was putting in my body and how it directly affected my health. So, when I saw that mother willingly giving her child a bag of Doritos I couldn't understand why she would start a deadly cycle of incorporating junk food into her child's diet that can be addictive. Sure, the occasional treat is acceptable by all means, but if the young girl happens to be consuming them in large quantities or on a daily basis, there's trouble on the horizon.
"Health experts say diets of children in the United States have deteriorated dramatically over the past two generations, leading to skyrocketing rates of obesity and diabetes, both of which put children at risk for other diseases and shorter lives," Live Science reports.
Eileen Kennedy, a pediatric psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, also chimed in on the topic of parents feeding kids junking, explaining that those that have poor eating habits early in life are usually attracted to those certain foods because they learned "at home and at school that they are OK to eat."
In no way am I saying that parents are being bad caretakers by giving their children junk food, but with 17% of all kids and teens being obese, which is triple the rate of one generation ago, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, something has to wake people up.
I also understand that a lot of this has to do convenience, money and lack of meal planning. So, sometimes a quick stop to McDonald's for a sausage biscuit may seem harmful but the long-term effects if such behavior is continued can be life threatening.
What are your thoughts? Do you allow your kids to eat junk food on a regular basis? If so, why?
"I'd Rather Have Him": When You Want Kids But The Man You Love Doesn't
If you've ever foreseen your future with a house, a husband and a brood of kids, could you remove the latter from the equation if the man you were in love with didn't want them? Do you think you could find fulfillment in your partner alone?
I've spoken briefly about this topic in the past, and it came up again when I heard a young woman speaking on the fact that the man she loves doesn't want to have children. She was responding to a question posted to her, of whether or not she could really be okay with not having kids–something she'd stated that she wanted before. Her answer?
"I'll be fine. At the end of the day, I'd rather have him than kids."
That made me a little sad, especially since it sounded like she was giving up on something she really wanted to keep her partner around.
However, I don't know her for real, and I'm not in her situation. But it did make me wonder what I would do in such a situation. If I felt as though I had found the love of my life, could I go without something that I once felt was so integral to my future for him. Could you?
For me, personally, I don't think I could do it. While it would be painful, I could leave a relationship and find someone who would want the same things. But if I chose the relationship and he was adamant that he didn't want the same things I would want down the line, I would probably hold on to that regret. I definitely think that denying yourself certain important things is something that will just come back to haunt you if you compromised and your partner didn't. If it's something you really want, it will be on your mind until you make it happen.
We rarely come into relationships on the same page, wanting the exact same things. And yes, people can grow and have a change of heart, meaning that your partner knowing children is something you want could motivate him to be open to the idea. But waiting around and hoping that the man in your life will feel the same way that you do about something so major sounds like a recipe for a great amount of time wasted.
At the end of the day, it's good when a man is upfront and honest about the things he does and doesn't see for himself because that way you know what you're getting yourself into. You can't get mad at anyone but yourself if you knowingly go into a relationship with someone who doesn't want kids, and then you get upset at the reality of it all. But a compromise would be nice. Because the idea of either having to conform to what he wants or go without him sounds like an ultimatum and ultimatums, suck.
So, with all that being said, how would you handle a situation like this? If you wanted kids at one point, would you rather have "him" than "them" if the "him" seemed like he could be "The One"?


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2010 Honda Accord Crosstour EX-L 4dr Hatchback AWD (3.5L 6cyl 5A)
I traded an '05 Yukon SLT for this farce of a fuel saver when the Crosstour first came out.I thought with gas prices rising, it would be a good move.NOT~This car gets worse mileage (both in city and hwy) than either of my 2 prior Yukies. Honda kept passing the mileage off as the car "needing to be broken in"...seriously?How much breaking in?I have had this car for almost 3 years (46K mi) and it is worse now than before.The car still looks great and the interior has held up nicely, except for the plastic pieces, not built to last.So far, I've replaced brakes, tires, lights, etc.
When I bought this car, all crosstour dashes were black, I don't know if there are other options now or not, but in the summer, this, coupled with the fact that there is an ac powered by a gerbil, makes your face feel like you are roasting...Not cool, literally.
My husband won't even ride in this car in the summer.
But today is the end...Tomorrow, a more economical Cadillac crossover(GM~this Honda has brought me back to you) :)
Fuel economy, more metal, light-colored dash, more cfm and rpm with a/c, better tires, better brakes, and big one here...
Less slimy representatives to deal with customers.
2010 Honda Accord Crosstour EX 4dr Hatchback (3.5L 6cyl 5A)
Had a 2005 accord leather v-6 which was great.Then switched to Subaru legacy to save a few bucks.Subaru was great but small, felt like I was putting the car on like a pair of pants.Decided to go back to Honda for comfort.Saw a great deal on the crosstour lease. drove it and loved it!!375.00 nothing down with 16k a year lease.Went with 2 WD and cloth to save a few bucks.Could not be happier with the car.Actually too happy I am at 3000 miles after 2 months. Decent gas milage 21 MPH around town, got 27 driving from Philly to NY city a few weeks ago.Comfy and quite plenty of room. Only complaint is the head rest, leans too far forward. they need to fix this.
Ride is great!! Size is great!!! good visability especially at night on the highway, feels like your flying.
Needs to fix head rest leans too far forward.
This car is great to drive. When I looked at it I had gotten down to the Lacrosse, XC/S60s... and then I drove the CrossTour. Ride was just as smooth and comfortable. The 4 wheel drive gets me up my steep driveway in the winter. It has an "eco" function on it that reduces power for mpg... which means it's not the quickest off the line, but it'll growl and go if you tell it to. A couple of small design flaws: rear wiper is under-sized and not placed well to clean full swath across the glass and the front tires throw dirty water up over the hood during storms (curious whether mud flaps help?)--and no panoramic sunroof like the Edge and Enclave. But I really like driving my CrossTour!!!
Smooth ride, heated seats, 4 wheel drive. Good cargo room.
Rear wiper placement/size; option to turn on/off "eco" function. Backup cam without navi being required. Something to keep puddle water from splashing up over the hood. Panoramic sun roof.
2010 Honda Accord Crosstour EX-L 4dr Hatchback AWD w/Navigation (3.5L 6cyl 5A)
I am loving my Crosstour. I bought the pearl diamond 4 EXL, Sporty look, luxury, Good Sound System, Nice Navi System, as well as Bluetooth.I like the height of the Crosstour, you don't have to kneel down to get into the car, you just slip right on in!When I drive it, it's like riding high, I can see the road.I like it's bulky, strong look.It doesn't look like a cheap Honda.Coming from a BMW that always needing TLC, this Honda is very reliable. Getting use to side view rear mirrors, it's nice that you don't have to break your neck trying to see if cars on on the side of you.This car is for good drivers and one who like quality.....
Interior Leather, Quiet, Bluetooth, Rear Back up Camera, Stereo, and handleing of the vehicle.
Also Quality.
Does not look like every other car on the road...unique and sharp.
First I thought that the rear window could be improve to see better.
But then I realize that this car side rear view mirrors that move when you back up, and rear mirror works well for me... it took a week to get use to. But now I love it.......
I have owned my Crosstour for 6 months now.I have the pewter gray with light tan interior and Navi.I just absolutely love this car.I traded in an older Lexus RX-330,(too expensive to repair).I have no regrets.My family and I are taking it on a nice long road trip this weekend.With its price, style, and gas mileage this is by far a fantabulous car.I get so many double-takes and compliments from others.I just love my handsfree link talking system...awesome!Thanks Honda.
Gas mileage, style, handsfree link talking system, comfortable seating, and very roomy.
Automatic release for the hatchback door.
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