text:
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
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Naat ta chaage the way yau live aad wark?
Fiad aut what yau waat, set yaur gaals
aad make them happea
Fractical techaiques, effective tips,
Eve-miaute Exes aad case studies
equip yau ta succeed ia the real warld
8et yaur gaals aad check yaur pragress
with self-assessmeat exercises
|s||s.s ¡aar
kß0¥ 8MIIß
9 7 8 1 4 0 5 3 1 5 8 6 9
0|sceter mere al
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9 7 8 1 4 0 5 3 1 5 8 8 3
0|sceter mere al
ED249Presentations UK.indd 1 28/4/06 4:03:34 pm
001-005-ED245-AchieveGoals.indd 1 12/4/06 10:40:42 am
Your Coals
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001-005-ED245-AchieveGoals.indd 2 12/4/06 10:42:53 am 2_ED245_US 2 31/7/06 4:51:34 pm
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Strategies to
transform your Iife
Ahߥ SMI1h
Your Coals
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1 It's Up to ¥ou
14 Jake Respousibilily
18 0evelop Your Persoual
22 Clear Your |uuer Cluller
24 Jhe Power oí Your
30 |ocus ou whal You waul
Look al Your Liíe
0evelop Your Selí·
2 ßecide What's
44 Look ^head
46 Kuow Your values
52 Resolve values CouNicls
f||s¦ /re||cau Ed|¦|ou, 2007
lub||s|ed |u ¦|e uu|¦ed '¦a¦es b, 0K lub||s||uç,
375 Fudsou '¦|ee¦, New Yo||, NY 10014
07 08 09 10 10 9 8 7 o 5 4 3 2 1
Cop,||ç|¦ © 200o 0o|||uç K|ude|s|e, L|r|¦ed
!e·¦ cop,||ç|¦ © 200o /ud, 'r|¦|
/|| ||ç|¦s |ese|.ed uude| lu¦e|ua¦|oua| aud lau·/re||cau
Cop,||ç|¦ Cou.eu¦|ous. No pa|¦ o¦ ¦||s pub||ca¦|ou ra,
be |ep|oduced, s¦o|ed |u a |e¦||e.a| s,s¦er, o| ¦|ausr|¦¦ed
|u au, ¦o|r o| b, au, reaus, e|ec¦|ou|c, rec|au|ca|,
p|o¦ocop,|uç, |eco|d|uç o| o¦|e|w|se, w|¦|ou¦ ¦|e p||o|
w||¦¦eu pe|r|ss|ou o¦ ¦|e cop,||ç|¦ owue|. lub||s|ed |u
C|ea¦ 8||¦a|u b, 0o|||uç K|ude|s|e, L|r|¦ed.
/ Ca¦a|oç|uç·|u·lub||ca¦|ou |eco|d ¦o| ¦||s boo| |s
a.a||ab|e ¦|or ¦|e L|b|a|, o¦ Couç|ess.
l'8N 978·0·75oo2·o07·5
0K boo|s a|e a.a||ab|e a¦ spec|a| d|scouu¦s ¦o| bu||
pu|c|ases ¦o| sa|es p|oro¦|ous, p|er|urs, ¦uud·|a|s|uç, o|
educa¦|oua| use. fo| de¦a||s, cou¦ac¦. 0K lub||s||uç 'pec|a|
Va||e¦s, 375 Fudsou '¦|ee¦, New Yo||, NY 10014 o|
MUNICH, MELßOURNE, DELHI
l|oduced ¦o| 0o|||uç K|ude|s|e,
b, terry jeavons&company
l|ojec¦ Ed|¦o| 'op||e Co|||us
l|ojec¦ /|¦ Ed|¦o| !e||, Iea.ous
0es|çue| /ud|ew V||ue
l|c¦u|e Resea|c|e| 'a|a| Foppe|
'eu|o| Ed|¦o| '|rou !u|¦e
'eu|o| /|¦ Ed|¦o| 'a|a Rob|u
Ed|¦o| E||.abe¦| wa¦sou
0!l 0es|çue| !|ac| 'a|¦e|
l|oduc¦|ou Cou¦|o||e| '¦ua|¦ Vas|e¦e|
E·ecu¦|.e Vauaç|uç Ed|¦o| /de|e Fa,wa|d
Vauaç|uç /|¦ Ed|¦o| Ka||a Ieuu|uçs
/|¦ 0||ec¦o| le¦e| Lu¦¦
lub||s|e| Co||uue Robe|¦s
'pec|a| l|o¦oç|ap|, /d||au !u|ue|
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CIear the 8Iocks
58 0eíeal Liuiliug Belieís
62 0eal wilh Probleus
70 0eal wilh 0lher People
72 0eal wilh Crilicisu
Create the vision
¥ou Want
76 Sel Your 0oals
78 Make 0oal·Selliug work
82 |iud a Roule lo Successíul
90 Place lhe 0oal |u Your
Cetting 1here
98 Make Your 0oals happeu
102 |ocus ou Your 0esired
104 Play lo Your Slreuglhs
106 0eal wilh 0verload
110 Live up lo Your Selí·
112 Jake Care oí Yourselí
114 Learu írou Your Mislakes
116 Beyoud Your 0oals
118 Index
120 AcknowIedgments
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Hov vouId you Iike your Iife Io be differenI? WheIher
iI's choosing a nev career paIh, ñnding your souI maIe,
or geIIing your ñnances in order, mosI peopIe have
someIhing abouI Iheir Iife IhaI Ihey vanI Io change.
The lacl lhal you are reading lhis means lhal you are
considering making changes. Like mosl people, you will have
lried lo make changes in your lile belore. You probably lound
lhal some were easier lhan
olhers, and lhal some
changes lasled while olhers
did nol. Whal was lhe
dillerence belween lhem?
Almosl any change is possible il you pul all lhe laclors in
place lo help you. lirsl, make sure lhal you accepl yoursell.
People somelimes avoid laking a realislic look al where lheir
lives are now because lhey are worried aboul whal lhey will
lnd, and how lhey will leel aboul lhemselves as a resull.
Slarling wilh an allilude ol acceplance solves lhis problem.
You can assess your currenl way ol being objeclively, wilhoul
judging yoursell. Second, make sure lhal you are clear aboul
whal you wanl. You can use lhe melhods in Ach|eve Your
Coa|: lo clarily your vision ol where you wanl lo be, and lo
ACHl LVL YOUP COAL S
Change wiII happen when
you are ready and abIe to
take the necessary steps
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resolve any doubls and uncerlainlies so lhal you can be sure
lhal lhis is whal you really wanl. linally, use brain-lriendly
melhods lo achieve your goal. Your mind is an amazingly
powerlul and complex mechanism. ll will respond well lo
some approaches and will resisl some olhers wilh all ils mighl.
This book shows you lhe besl ways lo make your goals
compelling and keep your mind molivaled. ll will work besl il
you slarl wilh lhe sell-assessmenl on lhe lollowing pages and
work lhrough lhe book lrom slarl lo lnish. ll possible, leam
up wilh a goal-selling parlner, so lhal you can supporl each
olher along lhe way. This helps because you can ollen gain
addilional insighls lrom your parlner as you lalk lhrough lhe
exercises logelher, and also because when you lell anolher
person aboul your goals, lhose goals become more real and
you are more likely lo carry
lhem oul. ll you can'l lnd a
goal-selling parlner righl
away, doing lhe exercises by
yoursell will slill workbul
you musl do lhem, nol jusl
lhink lhem lhrough, in order
lor lhem lo be lruly elleclive.
l NTPODUCTl ON
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Assessing Your 5kills
These queslions are designed lo gel you lhinking aboul
goal-selling and may lead lo new insighls, whelher you are
an experienced goal achiever or jusl slarling oul. To gel lhe
lull benell, complele lhe assessmenl lwiceonce belore
you read lhe book and again aller you have read il and,
crucially, done lhe praclical exercises. The more honesl you
are wilh yoursell, lhe grealer lhe benells you will enjoy.
When ycu think abcut the prcbIems that
ycu face ncw, what is ycur ñrst instinct?
A | blaue olhers
8 | blaue uyselí
C | accepl respousibilily, aud lhiuk aboul whal |
cau do lo chauge lhiugs
When things dcn't wcrk cut the way ycu
want them tc, what is ycur respcnse?
A | íeel lhal | have íailed
8 | redouble uy eííorls
C | ask uyselí whal | ueed lo learu írou lhis resull
What kind cf internaI diaIcgues dc ycu have?
A Jhey are crilical
8 Jhey are supporlive aud eucouragiug
C | dou'l have iulerual dialogues-uy "iuuer voice"
is sileul uosl oí lhe liue
Kcw dc ycu feeI abcut ycur current jcb?
A | dou'l do auy uore lhau | have lo
8 |l doesu'l really suil ue, bul | work hard as a
ualler oí pride
C My work is lakiug ue closer lo íulílliug uy liíe's
ACHl LVL YOUP COAL S
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ASSLSSl NC YOUP SKl LL S
Which cf these statements is cIcsest
tc ycur phiIcscphy cf Iife?
A You're eilher lucky or uulucky
8 People uake lheir owu luck
C Everylhiug lhal happeus is au opporluuily
lo learu
Why is it impcrtant tc ycu tc achieve
ycur gcaIs?
A | haveu'l really lhoughl aboul il
8 Because | dou'l waul lo slay where | au uow
C Jo iucrease lhe possibililies opeu lo ue
Kcw dc ycu feeI abcut ycur strengths?
A |'u uol really sure whal lhey are
8 Jhey're beller lhau uosl people's, bul lhey're
uever good euough
C | kuow uy slreuglhs aud au always ready
lo iuprove lheu
What is ycur attitude tc the future?
A | lry lo live iu lhe uoueul
8 My íulure is plauued oul íor lhe uexl
íve years
C | kuow where |'u goiug aud | have uauy
possible roules lo gel lhere
Kcw cIearIy deñned are ycur gcaIs?
A Nol very-lhey're jusl daydreaus
8 |l's all wrilleu dowu aud | will gel lhere ií il
kills ue
C Jhey are clear aud vivid, aud | updale lheu iu
lhe lighl oí uew iuíorualiou
Kcw dc ycu kncw when ycu're dcing
a gccd jcb?
A 0lher people lell ue
8 | jusl kuow
C wheu uy íeeliug aboul il is couírued by
íeedback írou olher people aud objeclive
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ACHl LVL YOUP COAL S
What wcuId happen if ycu didn't
achieve ycur gcaIs?
A Liíe would go ou lhe saue as usual
8 | have lo achieve uy goals
C | expecl lo achieve lheu, bul whalever
happeus, | will learu souelhiug valuable
írou il
Kcw cIear are ycu abcut what is
impcrtant tc ycu?
A |'u a bil vague
8 |'u very clear-ií | wasu'l, auylhiug could
C | au clear aboul whal's iuporlaul, eveu ií il is
soueliues íulílled iu uuexpecled ways
Kcw dc ycu maintain ycur wcrklIife
A |l's uol a probleu-| do euough lo gel by,
aud lheu slop
8 |l all goes by lhe board wheu lhere's a
C | au realislic aboul whal | cau do, aud uake
sure lhe iuporlaul lhiugs gel doue írsl
Dc ycu deserve tc be successfuI?
A Nol especially, uo uore lhau auyoue else
8 Yes-because | work hard íor il
C Yes-like everyoue else, | íud il easier lo be
al uy besl wheu | au happy aud íulílled
Final 5cores
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Nostly A
These answers suggesl you leel lhal lhe locus ol conlrol is oulside ol
you, and lhal whalever you lry will probably nol succeed. Whalever
you would like lo happen in your lulure, il is likely lo remain a
daydream unless you lake some aclion. To change lhings, lollow lhe
sleps in lhe book and do lhe exercises (don'l jusl read lhem). Slarling
wilh small, achievable sleps, build up some relerence experiences ol
successlul goal allainmenl.
Nostly B
You are highly molivaled, a bil ol a perleclionisl, and your own
harshesl crilic. You don'l like lo be bealen and will lorce yoursell lo
overcome challenges againsl lhe odds. You may lnd, however, lhal
achieving your goals somelimes lurns oul lo be less salislying lhan
you envisaged. Cive some allenlion lo clarilying whal is imporlanl lo
you, and make sure you lake accounl ol how your goals impacl on
your heallh, relalionships, and general happiness.
Nostly C
You demonslrale a malure approach lo goal achievemenlyou lake
responsibilily lor your own aclions, you are clear aboul whal you wanl,
and you lhink aboul lhe ellecls on your lile and relalionships. Make
sure you do nol become over-analylical aboul your goals, as lhis can
lead lo a lack ol molivalion. To recharge your drive, lake care lo slay
connecled wilh whal is imporlanl lo you, and lry oul new experiences
lrom lime lo lime.
ll lhis is lhe lrsl lime you have done lhis sell-assessmenl, lhen bear in
mind lhis analysis as you read lhe book. Pay special allenlion lo lhe
areas highlighled by your responses, as well as lhe lips and lechniques
lhese will help you lo reduce lhe number ol A responses nexl lime
around and achieve a more balanced mixlure ol 8's and C's. Aller you
have compleled lhe book and pul lhe lechniques inlo praclice, relake
lhe assessmenl. Civing honesl answers will enable you lo gel a direcl
measure ol your progressand you should see a big improvemenl!
ASSLSSl NC YOUP SKl LL S
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To reach your deslinalion, you need lo know
where you are slarling lrom. You can gel
clues aboul where you wanl lo be lrom
your lile now, and how you arrived al
lhis poinl. Your beliels are sell-lulllling
prophecies, so locusing on whal you wanl
and whal is already working helps you reach
your remaining goals. This seclion shows you.
º Why il's vilal lo lake responsibilily lor where
you are now
º How lo use lhe Cause and Lllecl equalion
º How lo develop your personal power
º The power ol your unconscious mind lo
help you lo achieve whal you wanl
º How lo develop your sell-awareness and
assess where your lile is now.
ll's Up
lo You
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Iake Responsibility
The ñrsI sIep in changing your Iife is Io accepI
responsibiIiIy for vhere you are nov. Recognize IhaI
you are Ihe onIy person vho can change your Iife-
no one eIse can do iI for you.
Nake the Right Choices
To lake responsibilily is simply lo recognize lhal you have
lhe abilily lo respond lo evenls as lhey happen. You
cannol conlrol whal lile lhrows al you. Whal you can
conlrol is lhe choices you make in
response. This also means lhal you
have a responsibilily lo make lhe
besl choices you can, and lo keep
learning so lhal you expand lhe
range ol choices available lo you.
The more abililies you have, lhe
easier il is lo make lhe righl choice
in any given silualion. Does lhal
mean you have lo do il all yoursell,
wilhoul any oulside assislance? Nolhere are some
goals you can only achieve lhrough working wilh olhers.
You can'l make olher people help youbul you can
inluence and inspire lhem lo wanl lo help you in
achieving your goals.
Don't 5elf-blame
Taking responsibilily is nol lhe same as blaming yoursell,
or olher people, lor anylhing lhal has gone wrong up lo
now. Lveryone (including you) makes lhe besl choices lhey
can according lo how lhey perceive lhe world al lhe lime.
ll makes no sense lo leel guilly aboul lhings you have
done in lhe pasl, because al lhal lime you were doing lhe
besl lhal you could.
l T' S UP TO YOU
Bappiness depends upon ourselves.
1o get resuIts,
action is
necessary, as
weII as good
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Break the Circle of
TAKL PLSPONSl 8l Ll T Y
Ihink Feedback, not Failure
When you don'l immedialely gel lhe resull you wanled,
you have a choice aboul how you view lhal resull. One
way ol looking al lhings is likely lo bring us more bad
resulls, lhe olher, however, gives us a chance lo learn lrom
mislakes so we don'l repeal lhem. We can judge resulls
we don'l like eilher as "lailure" or as "leedback"
inlormalion lhal allows us lo correcl our course. Which
one will you choose?
Learn to 1udge Your Results
ll you become accuslomed lo lhinking ol yoursell as a
lailure, you are selling up a vicious circle lhal can be hard
lo break. ll, however, you lake all your resullsposilive or
negaliveas leedback, you are selling up a progressive
chain ol evenls. one you can learn lrom.
Everylhiug |
lry iu lhe íulure
will íail
Jhal íailed
|'u a íailure
whal do | ueed
lo learu1
whal will | do
My resulls will
use FaiIure fcr Fcsitive kesuIts ^void íalliug iulo a
vicious circle oí íailure by aualyziug why you íailed iu a
parlicular silualiou, aud deleruiuiug lo chauge lhe way
you acl iu a siuilar silualiou iu lhe íulure. |í you lreal
every íailure as a posilive learuiug experieuce, you are
selliug yourselí up lo succeed uexl liue.
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Nake Your Good Fortune
Do you leel as lhough you are al lhe mercy ol evenls, and
lhal your chances lor success are delermined by your pasl
hislory, your circumslances, and whal olher people will
allow you lo do? Or do you believe lhal you are lhe aulhor
ol your own desliny, lhal you make your own luck, and
lhal you can make a dillerence in your lile? Mosl ol us
would pul ourselves somewhere in belween. The more you
leel yoursell sympalhizing wilh lhe second viewpoinl, lhe
more likely you are lo achieve your goals.
Cause and Effect
Many people pul lhemselves al lhe Lllecl end ol lhe
speclrum. They leel lhal lheir emolions jusl happen lo
lhem, or are caused by olher people. You can hear clues lo
lhe way people lhink in lhe words lhey choose lo express
º She upsel me
º He made me angry
º This gridlocked lrallc is really gelling lo me!
8y lhinking lhis way, lhey are handing power over how
lhey leel lo olher peopleor even lo inanimale objecls
ralher lhan laking charge ol lheir leelings and using lhem
lo posilive ellecl. They are saying lhal how lhey leel, and
even whal lhey do, is beyond lheir conlrol. ls lhis how you
wanl lo be? Pul yoursell al Cause inslead.
l T' S UP TO YOU
Change Your Position
C^uSE E||ECJ Y0u
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Focus on the Present
When you decide lo place yoursell al lhe Cause end ol lhe
speclrum, lhings change. You are more likely lo believe in
lhe principle lhal any problem can be solved, and you
locus more on whal you wanl lhan on whal you don'l.
When problems arise, ralher lhan asking "Why is lhis
happening lo me?" (a queslion locusing allenlion on lhe
pasl), you ask lhings like.
º Lxaclly whal is going on here?
º Whal can l do lo change il?
º Whal is il lhal l wanl lo happen inslead?
These queslions place your
allenlion on lhe presenl
and lhe lulurea more
uselul locus lhan lhe pasl il
you wanl lo change.
1ake Decisive Acticn Liíe oíleu calls
ou you lo acl decisively. ^ uedical
leau, íor exauple, uusl couslaully
uake key decisious ou palieul care.
ldentify Cause and Effect
CAuS£ £FF£C1
/s|s "Fow/w|a¦1" /s|s "w|,1"
Fas a p|eseu¦/¦u¦u|e ¦ocus Fas a ¦ocus ou ¦|e pas¦
Lea|us ¦|or p|ob|ers fee|s bad abou¦ p|ob|ers
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Develop Your Personal Power
Your personaI pover is your abiIiIy Io make choices for
yourseIf. When Ihe pover is sIrong, Iife becomes much
easier. You have Ihe deñniIe sense IhaI you are in
charge, and IhaI Ihe choices are yours Io make.
Enjoy the BeneHt
Wilh a heallhily developed sense ol personal power, you
will lnd you can manage your emolions, so you don'l do
lhings in lhe heal ol lhe momenl lhal you laler regrel. You
do lhings because you wanl lo, nol jusl lo please olher
people. You acl more compassionalely, because you are
nol leeling sorry lor yoursell. Your mind is calm and clear,
yel alerl. Whalever challenges you lace, you are able lo
respond approprialely. Olher people are allracled lo you
because you are comlorlable wilh yoursell.
Use Your Power to Act
Some people lnd lhemselves uncomlorlable wilh lhe idea
ol "personal power," because lor lhem il has connolalions
ol dominance over olher people, ol ordering lhem
around and lelling lhem whal lo do. This is, however, a
misconceplion ol whal is meanl by lhe lerm. Personal
power is aboul increasing your inner, personal slrenglh
your reliance on yoursell, and your abilily lo achieve your
goals. You will lnd lhal as you build up relerence
experiences ol achieving your goals, slarling small al lrsl
and gradually increasing your level ol challenge as you
gain conldence, your "sell-ellcacy" (as psychologisls call
your sense ol personal power) will grow, loo. Once you
have il, il is up lo you lo use lhal power wisely. ll you are
lhe sorl ol person who lends lo leel marlyred or pul upon
by olher people, you will
lnd lhal leeling gradually
diminishing, and your sense
ol ellecliveness growing, as
you slarl lo increase your
personal power.
l T' S UP TO YOU
Afñrm the positive,
visualize the positive, and
expect the positive.
Reuez Sassou
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1his is a way of caIming your mind and body fast. When
stressfuI situations are sprung on you, you don't usuaIIy
have time to do haIf an hour of yoga. ¥ou can use this
exercise any time, anywhere.
Place your allenlion on a poinl
slraighl in lronl ol you and slighlly
above your eye level. Look al il wilh
"soll eyes," wilhoul slraining lo
locus, and blink whenever you wanl.
Slill looking slraighl ahead, allow
your leld ol vision lo gradually
broaden oul as you nolice more and
more ol whal is on eilher side ol lhal
poinlunlil you are paying allenlion lo whal you can see oul
ol lhe corners ol your eyes on bolh sides al once.
Now lel your awareness spread oul even larlher. Use your
senses ol hearing and spalial awareness lo gel a leeling ol
whal is behind you as well.
Pelax inlo lhis all-around awareness and nolice whal happens.
Slay lhere lor as long as you can.
Whal did you nolice? Mosl people reporl a leeling ol increasing
relaxalionlhey nolice lhal lheir brealhing has slowed down, and
lhal any inlernal dialogue or debale playing in lheir head has
slowed down or even slopped allogelher. Using your peripheral
vision as an aid lo calm like lhis need nol be an inlensive exercise.
ll you are giving a presenlalion, lor example, going a lillle way
inlo peripheral vision will help lo calm any nervous bullerlies you
have, and will also enable you lo see nonverbal responses across
lhe whole audience, ralher lhan concenlraling loo hard on
individuals al lhe cosl ol an overview. To resl your eyes and relurn
relreshed aller lhe peripheral vision exercise, rub your hands
logelher vigorously lo warm lhem, and lhen place your palms
over your closed eyes lor a lew seconds.
Becoming Calm
As the eyes
reIax, muscIe
Ieaves the
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Center Yourself
Anolher way ol increasing your personal power was
inspired originally by lhe marlial arls. ll's a way ol
increasing your "presence," as well as a way ol slaying
calm and cenlered no maller whal happens around you.
Marlial arls praclilioners discovered long ago lhal where
you locus your allenlion in your body has a huge ellecl
on how calm you are, how comlorlable you are wilhin
yoursell, and even how physically slrong you are. Mosl
praclilioners allribule greal power lo lhis abilily, some go
so lar as lo say lhal when you are lruly cenlered, il is
impossible lo leel learlhough lhis lakes a lol ol praclice.
lncrease Your Awareness
While you are oul walking, praclice paying allenlion lo
your cenlral poinl and mainlaining your peripheral vision.
Allhough il mighl nol be whal you expecl, as you locus
on your cenlral poinl, you will lnd lhal you also become
considerably more aware ol your surroundings. Many sell-
delense courses leach lhe developmenl ol lhis all-around
awareness as a means ol increasing your personal salely.
l T' S UP TO YOU
Use this exercise to Iocate
your "center" and
concentrate on your focus.
l¦ cau be p|ac¦|ced |u au, qu|e¦
p|ace w|e|e ,ou cau couceu¦|a¦e.
1 '¦aud w|¦| ,ou| ¦ee¦ s|ou|de|·
w|d¦| apa|¦, w|¦| ,ou| we|ç|¦
e.eu|, ba|auced aud ,ou| bod,
2 Le¦ ,ou| |uees beud s||ç|¦|,,
aud couceu¦|a¦e ,ou| ¦ocus ou
¦|e couuec¦|ou be¦weeu ,ou|
¦ee¦ aud ¦|e ¦oo|.
3 la, a¦¦eu¦|ou ¦o a po|u¦ ¦|a¦ |s
au |uc| o| ¦wo be|ow ,ou|
ua.e|, aud |u ¦|e ceu¦e| o¦
,ou| bod,, |a|¦wa, be¦weeu
¦|ou¦ aud bac|. Loca¦e ¦|e
po|u¦ reu¦a||, aud ¦ocus ou |¦
4 Loo| s¦|a|ç|¦ a|ead aud ço
|u¦o pe||p|e|a| .|s|ou.
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Strength You uay íeel
lhal whelher or uol
soueoue cau push you
oíí balauce is solely a
quesliou oí physical
slreuglh. Chauge your
íocus, aud you will íud
lhis is uol lhe case.
Fccus wheu you
couceulrale your euergy
iu a peripheral parl oí
your body (your leíl ear),
you will íud lhal you are
easy lo push oíí balauce,
eveu ií you are lryiug
hard lo slay uprighl.
Center 0uce you have
couceulraled your
euergies ceulrally iu your
body, you will íud lhal
you are harder lo push
backward-eveu ií you
are cousciously resisliug
lhe push less hard.
1est Kcw Centered ¥cu Are
ll is easy bolh lo lesl how cenlered you are, and lo cenler
yoursell more slrongly. Ask a lriend lo push your chesl lo
lry lo make you lake a slep backward. Try lhis lwice, lhe
lrsl lime locusing on lhe lop ol your lell ear, and lhe
second lime cenlered. You'll nolice a dramalic dillerence.
lmagine projecting an "energy bubble" from
your central point. Notice the results you get.
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Clear Your lnner Clutter
If you feeI as Ihough Ihere are Ioo many Ihings
happening aI once, and you don'I knov vhere Io sIarI,
Ihis is a sign IhaI you need Io cIear some menIaI space.
OIhervise you couId end up consIanIIy ñreñghIing.
Be Effective, not Busy
Many people loday believe lhal lhey "can'l relax." Usually
lhis is because lhey leel lhere is somelhing lhal lhey don'l
wanl lo lace up lo, so lhey lry lo dislracl lhemselves by
keeping ceaselessly busy. The problem is lhal il doesn'l
work. On lop ol lhe lime wasled on nonessenlial lasks
(and you will already have discovered lhal any bil ol lrivia
will do il your main purpose is jusl lo slay busy), whal lhey
are lrying lo escape lrom doesn'l go away. ll is slill
nagging away al lhe back ol lhe mind, dislracling lhem
lrom lhe very lasks lhey are using lo dislracl lhemselves.
When you lace up lo lhings, however, you will lnd lhal
lhey will always be easier lo deal wilh lhan you leared.
It heIps to cIear your mind
compIeteIy before you make
a start on something new.
!||s |s au eas, r|ud·c|ea||uç
e·e|c|se ¦|a¦ cau be p|ac¦|ced
w|e|e.e| ,ou |appeu ¦o be.
1 C|ose ,ou| e,es aud ¦ocus ou
,ou| b|ea¦||uç. You w||| ¦ud
¦|a¦ |u a s|o|¦ ¦|re |¦ s||¦¦s
|u¦o a ro|e |e|a·ed pa¦¦e|u.
2 l¦ ,ou |ea| au, "reu¦a|
c|a¦¦e|," |e¦ |¦ |appeu. Le¦¦ ¦o
|¦se|¦, |¦ w||| ca|r dowu.
3 /s ,ou s¦a, ¦ocused ou ,ou|
b|ea¦||uç, ,ou w||| ¦ud ,ou
uo¦|ce ce|¦a|u seusa¦|ous ro|e
¦|au usua|. No¦|ce |ow ¦|e a||
,ou b|ea¦|e |u |s coo|e| ¦|au
¦|e a|| ,ou b|ea¦|e ou¦.
4 Eac| ¦|re ,ou b|ea¦|e |u, |e¦
,ou| a¦¦eu¦|ou ¦o||ow eac| |u·
b|ea¦| deepe| dowu |us|de.
5 w|eu ,ou a|e |ead, ¦o core
bac|, opeu ,ou| e,es. !a|e a
roreu¦ o| ¦wo ¦o uo¦|ce |ow
|e¦|es|ed ,ou ¦ee|.
l T' S UP TO YOU
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Where is your favorite pIace to reIax? Lveryone needs
somewhere they can go to recharge their batteries and
recover from the energy drains of modern Iife.
This exercise is designed lo help you recharge your energies even
when you're lar away lrom a relaxing environmenl.
lind a comlorlable place where you can close your eyes.
Pelax, using lhe brealhing lechnique on lhe opposile page.
ln your mind's eye, lnd your lavorile place lo relax. ll could be
a room in your house, somewhere lhal you've been on
vacalion, a memory lrom long ago, or even an imaginary
place. This is somewhere jusl lor you, where you can recharge.
Nolice whal you can see and be aware ol lhe colors.
Lislen lo lhe peacelul, relaxing sounds.
Nolice how peacelul il leels, as you begin lo absorb lhe peace
and lranquillily wilhin yoursell.
Slay lor as long as leels righl, lhen relurn relreshed.
Build an lnner 5anctuary
Find 1ranquiIIity wheu you have íouud your ideal iulerual reíuge, you cau lake
lhe liue lo períecl il uulil il ueels all your crileria íor rechargiug your euergies.
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Ihe Power of Your Unconscious
The oId-fashioned freudian idea of Ihe unconscious
(someIimes caIIed Ihe subconscious) mind vas of a kind
of dungeon vhere ve Iock up aII Ihe repressed desires
(aggression, IusI, seIñshness) IhaI ve can'I admiI Io.
Recognize Your Unconscious
ln lacl, your unconscious mind is jusl lhose parls ol your
lhoughl processes lhal happen below lhe radar ol your
conscious awareness. When you are lalking lo someone,
who chooses lhe words and lhe
order in which lhey come oul?
When you pick up your phone
lrom lhe lable, who is coordinaling
lhe dozens ol muscles involved in
lhal movemenl? Whal keeps you
brealhing when you are asleep?
Nol your conscious mind.
Your unconscious mind is able
lo mullilask in a way lhal is lar
beyond your conscious abililies.
ll keeps lhe billions ol cells and lhousands ol syslems in
your body working in (more or less) perlecl harmony. ll
runs your immune syslem, your digeslive syslem, your
brealhing, your circulalion, and il perlorms prodigious
leals ol real-lime processing lhal lhe mosl advanced
compulers are nowhere near malching.
Learn to Use Your Unconscious
Your unconscious mind is like a lailhlul servanl, carrying
oul your wishes wilhoul lhe need lor conscious ellorl on
your parl. ll wanls you lo succeed and il lries lo acl in your
besl inleresls. ll likes lo be given lasks lo carry oul. ll you
don'l give il any inslruclions, il will lake lhem lrom oulside
inluencesusually drawing lrom adverlising, lhe media,
or peer pressure. Pighl now you can choose lo enlisl lhe
help ol your unconscious mind by being clear aboul whal
you wanl and giving il unambiguous inslruclions lo lollow.
mind is
working in
your favor
l T' S UP TO YOU
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Nanage Your Nind
Your conscious mind (lhe "you" lhal makes decisions, or
your "will") is like lhe caplain ol a ship. The unconscious
mind plays lhe parl ol lhe crew. The crew members all
know whal lheir jobs are, and lhey can carry lhem oul
wilhoul having lo be lold. So whal is lhe job ol lhe
caplain? To decide where lhe ship is going. Many people,
lhough, don'l use lheir conscious mind lor ils inlended
purpose. On lheir "ship," lhe caplain is lorever worrying
aboul whelher lhe crew are doing lheir jobs, while
neglecling lo sel a course lor lhe ship. lor long slrelches
lhey are becalmed, or going around in circles. lnslead, you
can selecl consciously lhe course you inlend and lel your
unconscious mind gel on wilh lhe job.
THL POWLP Ol YOUP UNCONSCl OUS
1ap your unconscious mind's creativity by
asking it to solve a problem as you go to sleep. ¥ou
often ñnd that you have the answer when you wake.
¥our unconscious mind does not understand the word
"not," so it's important that you Iearn to taIk to your
unconscious in a way that it wiII understand.
Ce¦ ro|e e¦¦ec¦|.e |esu|¦s, bo¦| ¦|or ,ou| uucousc|ous aud
¦|or o¦|e| peop|e, b, ¦e|||uç ¦|er w|a¦ ,ou do wau¦ ¦|er ¦o
do, |a¦|e| ¦|au w|a¦ ,ou dou'¦. l¦ a pa|eu¦ ¦e||s a ¦odd|e|
"0ou'¦ ¦ouc| ¦|a¦ caud,," ¦|e ¦odd|e|'s uucousc|ous r|ud
|ea|s "¦ouc| ¦|a¦ caud,." '|r||a||,, suppose ¦|a¦ ,ou wau¦ ¦o
ç|.e up sro||uç-|¦ ,ou cous¦au¦|, ¦e|| ,ou|se|¦ "l'r uo¦
ço|uç ¦o sro|e," ,ou w||| be cou¦|uua||, |er|ud|uç ,ou|se|¦ o¦
c|ça|e¦¦es, aud p|obab|, |es¦|ru|a¦|uç ,ou| c|a.|uç. Neça¦|ou
|s a |oç|ca| coucep¦ bu¦ ,ou cau'¦ ¦o|r au |raçe o¦ |¦, so ¦ocus
,ou| uucousc|ous ou pos|¦|.e beue¦¦s.
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Work with Your Unconscious
Many people lry lo make changes lhrough willpower
alone, wilhoul lrsl gelling lhe agreemenl ol lhe
unconscious mind, or even considering whal il mighl be
lrying lo lell lhem. This behavior will make change leel like
a chore, and il will usually lail, as soon as lhe person's
conscious allenlion is elsewhere, lhe unconscious mind
will go slraighl back lo ils old habils. Some sell-help gurus
lreal lhe unconscious mind as a lazy servanl, lo be
punished il il gels oul ol line. 8ul whal il lhose suppressed
doubls lurn oul lo be genuine concerns lhal were
consciously overlooked? lar beller lo discover whal you
really wanl, al bolh lhe conscious and lhe unconscious
levels ol your mind, so you can gel behind your goals in
every possible way, and pursue lhem singlemindedly. Thal
is whal lhe processes in lhis book are designed lo do.
Recognize Your Feelings
Your unconscious mind uses your
leelings lo communicale wilh you.
ll you have ever made a big
decision despile having some
unlocused misgivings, because,
ralionally, you couldn'l lnd a
reason nol lo go ahead, you may
have wished laler lhal you had
paid more allenlion lo lhal small
doubl, however quielly il was
expressing ilsell. ll you don'l leel
enlhusiaslic aboul a course ol
aclion bul don'l know why, il may
be a sign lhal your conscious mind
has missed somelhing.
Use 5ense and lnstinct
A decision made based on your
gul leeling only, lhough, could
lurn oul as badly as one lhal
If you need to make
a quick decision, be
sure you are happy
with the answers to
these questions
before you act:
0o l |ea||, wau¦ ¦o
ra|e ¦||s c|auçe1
l¦ l ra|e ¦||s c|auçe,
w|a¦ w||| l r|ss1
w|a¦ |s ¦|e pu|pose
o¦ ¦|e be|a.|o| l ar
¦|,|uç ¦o c|auçe1
w|a¦ wou|d be
d|¦¦e|eu¦ |¦ l rade ¦||s
l T' S UP TO YOU
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Common lnstances of 5elf-sabotage
S£LF-SA801A6IN6 8£KAVI0k
!|,|uç ¦o s¦op sro||uç w|eu pa|¦ o¦ ,ou
doesu'¦ wau¦ ¦o
!|,|uç ¦o |ose we|ç|¦ w|¦|ou¦ add|ess|uç
¦|e uude||,|uç |ssues
!|,|uç ¦o be a success |u a ca|ee| ,ou
dou'¦ |ea||, |||e
wea||uç a bus|uess su|¦, bu¦ w|¦|
s|opp, ç|oor|uç aud accesso||es
Re|aps|uç ea||,, ¦a|||uç |u
,ou| a¦¦erp¦
Repea¦|uç uusuccess¦u|
,o·,o d|e¦|uç
le|¦o|r|uç poo||,, uude|·
ac||e.|uç a¦ wo||
leop|e dou'¦ ¦a|e ,ou
ignores your inslincls. The ideal decisions are lhose in
which you are conscious ol an even balance belween
emolion and reason. a good decision will usually leel
inslinclively righl and also make ralional sense. When any
major decision needs lo be made, ask yoursell il your
proposed aclion meels bolh
ol lhese crileria. ll il does,
lhen you should acl on il
wilh conldence.
Inner Ccnñdence Jhe ulliuale
couídeuce derives írou lhe cerlaiuly
lhal a decisiou is righl íor you ou bolh
ralioual aud euolioual levels.
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Use Your Beliefs Positively
The beliels you choose become lllers lhrough which you
inlerprel everylhing lhal happens. Lvidence lhal supporls
your chosen beliels will be highlighled, while evidence lhal
conlradicls lhem will be played down or nol even noliced.
Here are lwo beliels you may have come across.
"Lile's a bilch and lhen you die."
"Lile is an advenlure, people are basically good, and
l can achieve anylhing l wanl."
Which one is lrue? ll you lhink aboul il, you can provide
evidence lrom your own lile lo supporl eilher one. So
bolhor neilherare lrue. 8eliels are like maps lhal help
us lnd our way around. The imporlanl queslion aboul
lhem is nol "Are lhey lrue?" bul "Are lhey uselul?"
Which beliel you choose becomes a lller lhrough which
you inlerprel everylhing lhal happens. Lvidence lhal
supporls your chosen beliel
will be highlighled, while
evidence lhal conlradicls il
will be ignored, played
down, or even go unnoliced.
kead the Apprcpriate Map Maps
coue iu diííereul guises-lhiuk aboul
a wealher uap agaiusl a road uap.
bolh oí lheu are accurale, bul which is
lhe uore useíul íor your purposes1
l T' S UP TO YOU
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Consider the Evidence
The "lile's a bilch" believer will acl in a way lhal makes
sense lo lhem in lhe lighl ol lhal beliel, which will be very
dillerenl lrom how someone holding lhe second beliel
acls. The resulls lhey gelposilive
or negalivewill lend lo bear oul
lheir beliel. The longer and more
deeply held lhe beliel is, lhe more
"evidence" il will accumulale in
supporl ol il. There are many well-
known examples ol research
sludies supporling lhe idea lhal
whal you believe inluences lhe
real oulcome ol evenls in your lile.
Three ellecls lhal are ollen ciled are.
º The "Placebo Lllecl," in which some palienls in lhe
"conlrol group" in clinical drug lrials gel beller,
convinced lhal lhey are receiving medicine, even
lhough lhe "lrealmenl" lhal lhey lhink lhey are
receiving is jusl a sugar pill
º The "Halo Lllecl," discovered by Ldward Thorndike in
!920lhis eslablished lhal il you slrongly lavor one
parlicular and specilc characlerislic lhal you lnd in a
person, you are more likely lo rale lhe same person
higher lor a variely ol olher posilive lrails, whelher or
nol you have evidence lo supporl your raling.
º The "Pygmalion Lllecl," described by Poberl Posenlhal
in !968which showed lhal how elleclively and
successlully children perlorm academically is slrongly
inluenced by lheir leachers' beliels in lheir skills.
Since whal you believe lends lo become lrue lor you, il's
imporlanl lo lhink carelully aboul whal you believe lo
make sure lhal il supporls your success.
THL POWLP Ol YOUP UNCONSCl OUS
¥our beIiefs
are the script
for your Iife
Make a positive effort to look for evidence
that disproves and disempowers any beliefs that are
working to limit you.
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"10WAkD" M01IVA1I0N
Fas bu||¦·|u d||ec¦|ou. ,ou |uow
w|e|e ,ou a|e ço|uç, aud cau ra|e
co||ec¦|ous |¦ uecessa|,.
wo||s |u a sus¦a|ued wa,. ,ou w|||
¦ud ¦|a¦ |¦ e·e|¦s au e.eu s¦|ouçe|
pu|| as ,ou core c|ose| ¦o ,ou| çoa|,
aud w||| |e|p ¦o |usp||e ,ou.
lusp||es ,ou. e.eu |¦ ,ou| cu||eu¦
s|¦ua¦|ou |s uup|easau¦, ,ou| reu¦a|
|raçe |s o¦ w|e|e ,ou wau¦ ¦o be.
Focus on What You Want
Human beings are born viIh Ihe abiIiIy Io see paIIerns
in Ihings. Where Ihere are no innaIe paIIerns, ve Iend
Io projecI Ihem-Iike seeing picIures in a campñre, or
faces and animaIs in cIouds.
Learn to Look
Consequenlly, il is much easier lo nolice somelhing il we
are already expecling lo see il. The implicalion ol lhis lor
changing your lile is lhal you gel whal you locus on. ll you
locus on whal you wanl, you will lnd il, il all you locus on
is gelling away lrom whal you don'l wanl, lhal is whal
you will lnd yoursell relurning lo again and again.
Choose the Right Notivation
There are lwo kinds ol molivalionloward whal you
wanl, and away lrom whal you don'l wanl. While "away
lrom" molivalion can be uselul in adminislering lhe kick
lhal you needed lo gel slarled, il will give you inconsislenl
resulls. To help you keep going unlil you reach your goals,
you need lo ensure lhal your molivalion is mainly locused
on "loward."
ldentify Your Notivation
"AWA¥-Fk0M" M01IVA1I0N
Lac|s d||ec¦|ou. w|eu ,ou wau¦ ¦o
çe¦ awa, ¦|or sore¦||uç, au,
d||ec¦|ou w||| do.
wo||s ou|, ¦o| a s|o|¦ ¦|re. |¦ ç|.es
ou¦ as soou as ,ou çe¦ ¦a| euouç|
awa, ¦|or w|a¦ ,ou a|e a.o|d|uç,
|ea.|uç ,ou beca|red uu¦|| ¦|e ue·¦
¦||ea¦ cores a|ouç.
l|o.es ¦o be s¦|ess¦u|. ¦|e reu¦a|
|raçe ¦|a¦ ro¦|.a¦es ,ou |s o¦ w|a¦
,ou wau¦ ¦o çe¦ awa, ¦|or.
l T' S UP TO YOU
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Get Results
Every Iime
One ol lhe chiel argumenls
againsl "away lrom"
molivalion is lhal il leads
lo inconsislenl resulls. ll
someone is molivaled lo
make money primarily
because she grew up in
poverly and never wanls
lo go back lhere, her
molivalion will begin lo
disappear as she slarls
gelling rich, and relurn
once she has losl her
money. 8ehavioral experls
have surmised lhal lhis is
lhe reason lhal some
millionaires make and lose
lheir lorlunes several limes
overlhey are working lo
"away lrom" molivalion.
Limit the Drama
in Your Life
We all lace a cerlain amounl ol challenge and dillcully,
some lar more lhan olhers. However, some people seem
lo allracl dillcullies even in quile slraighllorward
silualions where none previously exisled. This may relecl
an unconscious need lo be lhe hero or heroine in lheir
own lile slory. When lhings are going well, lhey will
unconsciously lnd a way ol disrupling lhem so lhal lhey
can conlinue in lheir heroic slruggle.
lOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
Ask yourself if you would be happy to get
what you want easily. ¥ou may be creating more
drama than you need to be successful.
"^way írou" uolivaliou
Resull level
"Joward" uolivaliou
Resull level
Fick ¥cur Mctivaticn Reach your
goal wilh "loward" uolivaliou."^way
írou" uolivaliou ouly helps you
escape írou whal you dou'l waul.
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Look at Your Life Appreciatively
5ociaI psychoIogisIs have discovered IhaI posiIive
emoIions give us beneñIs beyond jusI feeIing good.
When you feeI good, iI's easier Io see Ihe big picIure,
raIher Ihan geIIing IosI in deIaiI.
Foster Creativity
When you experience posilive
emolions, you are more crealive
lhan when you are leeling
"neulral." Posilive emolions help
you lo make sense ol complex
inlormalion quickly, and make you
less likely lo jump lo conclusions.
A posilive mindsel has physical
benells, looil helps hearl rale
and blood pressure lo relurn lo normal more quickly aller
slresslul evenls.
Cultivate an Appreciative Nindset
8ecause posilive emolions have lhese benells, il is uselul
lo build on whal is posilive in your lile as a basis lor
making lhe changes you wanl. However, il is nol always
easy lo lry lo slimulale posilive emolions lhrough humor,
or lhrough lelling ourselves lo look on lhe brighl side.
Pesearchers in lhe rapidly growing leld ol "posilive
psychology" lell us lhal lhe easiesl posilive emolions lo
evoke, even under exlreme circumslances, are lhose ol
gralilude and compassion.You can use lhis lo.
º Appreciale even simple lhings wilh gralilude.
º When bad lhings happen, ask yoursell, "Whal do l
need lo learn lrom lhis?"
º lind posilive meaning lhrough helpingacl
compassionalely loward olhers.
positive or
can be used
to Iearn
lt is of practical value to learn to like yourself.
Noruau Peale
l T' S UP TO YOU
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¥our emotionaI response to a mentaI image is determined
at Ieast as much by the way in which you think about it as
by what it is that you are thinking about.
The visual qualilies ol an image lell lhe brain how much allenlion
lo pay. Your response is slronger when an image is vivid, and
when you are involved in il. Try lhis experimenl.
Think ol a happy memory. As you see il in your mind's eye,
nolice how inlense your posilive emolional response is.
ls lhe piclure lile-size, or smaller? 8ring il up lo lile-size.
ls il in color, or black and while? Make il colorlul.
Try making il a lillle brighler. Then pul some movemenl inlo il.
Slep inlo lhe piclure and see il lhrough your own eyes.
Nolice whal happens lo lhe inlensily ol how lhe memory makes
you leel aller each ol lhe sleps above.
Nake the Nost of Good Nemories
use Fast and Future Posilive iuages, ílled wilh lexlure aud uoveueul, are
eííeclive uolivalioual aids, whelher lhey derive írou ueuories or íulure hopes.
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Find What ls Already Working
There is an increasingly popular approach lo organizalional
and personal change called Apprecialive lnquiry, which
holds lhal lhe besl way lo improve lhings is lo discover
whal is already working and lhen do more ol il. We lend
lo gel more ol whal we locus on. Paying allenlion lo whal
is already working well in your lile is likely lo raise your
morale and your sell-esleem, and increase lhe energy
available lor changing lhe areas ol your lile lhal are nol
working so well.
Know Your 5trengths
To make il easier lo eslablish lhe posilives in your mind, lry
lhese lines ol inquiry.
º Whal do people lell you are your slrenglhs?
º Whal do lhe people who care aboul you regard as your
This exercise is designed lo help you locus on lhe aspecls ol your
lile lhal you wanl lo keep. Lven il you have been lelling yoursell
lhal your lile is lerrible, lhere are always some posilive elemenls.
Pale how posilive you leel al righl now on a scale ol ! lo !0.
Whal is working in your lile? Wrile il downil doesn'l maller
how lrivial each elemenl seems. Co inlo as much delail as you
can. Nolice how you leel aboul each small elemenl.
Whal are you proud ol? Again, describe each evenl and nolice
whal il means lo you, and how you leel aboul il.
Whal are you good al?
Pevisil how you leel, and rale il on lhe !-lo-!0 scale again. To
increase lhe posilive ellecl, you can relrace lhe sleps above,
adding more delail, so lhal you really involve yoursell wilh
each posilive image.
Accentuate the Positive
l T' S UP TO YOU
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good qualilies and abililies? Take a look al yoursell
lhrough lheir eyes or, beller slill, ask lhemyou may be
pleasanlly surprised.
º lmagine lhal a good lriend was
lalking aboul you lo someone
who has nol mel you. How
would lhal lriend describe your
good poinls?
Nolice how you leel aller locusing
on lhe posilive aspecls ol your lile.
Whal has changed?
Learn to Value Acceptance
Unlil you are in a posilion lo change lhe parls ol your lile
lhal you do nol like, lhe besl allilude lo have is one ol
acceplance. There is no poinl wasling your energy lrelling
aboul lhings you are nol in a posilion lo change. One ol
lhe besl-known expressions ol lhe allilude ol acceplance
is lhe "Serenily Prayer," usually allribuled lo lhe
lheologian Peinhold Niebuhr. ll shows a wisdom lhal
resonales beyond any parlicular religious lradilion.
Cod granl me lhe serenily
lo accepl lhe lhings l cannol change,
courage lo change lhe lhings l can,
and lhe wisdom lo know lhe dillerence.
Do Nore of What Works
ln conlrasl lo problem-locused approaches lo change, lhe
Apprecialive lnquiry approach says lhal you will gel more
suslainable changes il you concenlrale on doing more ol
whal is working in your lile. ll is easier lo envisage lhe
lulure you wanl when il is based on your own experiences,
ralher lhan lrying lo dream il up in ils enlirely.
LOOK AT YOUP Ll lL APPPLCl ATl VLLY
Make sure your vision of the future keeps the
good aspects of your life now: this will reduce your
resistance to change.
8uiIding on
what is
strong makes
it stronger
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l T' S UP TO YOU
5ummary: Ihink Positively
A negalive approach lo lile or lack ol sell-conldence does
more lhan jusl make you leel bad aboul yoursell. ll can also
slop you lrom laking lhe posilive sleps you need in order lo
reach your goals. To gel where you wanl lo go, you musl
learn lo lake responsibilily lor your lile, approach il wilh
conldence, and make lhe mosl ol lhe opporlunilies you lnd.
Jreal pasl experieuces
as opporluuilies lo
learu aud iuprove
|ocus ou lhe preseul aud
decide whal you'd like lo
do diííereully iu lhe íulure
^clively choose lo uake
decisious ralher lhau
lelliug yourselí be pushed
passively iulo silualious
Praclice peripheral visiou as
au aid lo slayiug calu iu
slressíul silualious
|iud a couíorlable place
you cau go lo lake reíuge
aud recharge
Learu how lo adjusl your
poslure iu order lo locale
your ceuler aud iucrease
your persoual preseuce
ßeveIop ¥our
PersonaI Power
Plan of Action
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SUMMAPY. THl NK POSl Tl VLLY
Recoguize where your
íeeliugs aud iusliucls
waul lo lake you
|ocus ou uoviug loward
whal you waul, ralher lhau
lryiug lo ruu away írou
lhiugs lhal you dou'l waul
|deuliíy whal uolivales
you aud use lhis lo give
yourselí íocus
LnIist ¥our
Pay alleuliou lo whal is
workiug well iu your liíe
aud ideuliíy your slreuglhs
Couceulrale ou doiug
uore oí lhose lhiugs lhal
work well iu your liíe
^ccepl aud uake lhe uosl
oí lhose lhiugs lhal you
cauuol chauge
Look at ¥our Life
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Develop Your 5elf-Awareness
The more conscious you are of Ihe vays in vhich you
Ihink and behave, Ihe easier you viII ñnd iI Io idenIify
eIemenIs IhaI caII for change. DeveIoping your seIf-
avareness is a poverfuI aid Io achieving your goaIs.
Listen to What You 5ay
"ll's a jungle oul lhere", "l've pul lhal behind me." These
are melaphors, a common way lo express lhings. When
someone says "l'm in a bad relalionship," lhey are lalking
as il lhe relalionship is some kind ol conlainer. ll lhey were
speaking lilerally, lhey would say somelhing like "l am
relaling badly lo lhis olher person." The implicalions ol
lhe melaphorlhal lhe relalionship has some kind ol
exislence ol ils own oulside ol lhe speakerare dillerenl
lrom lhose ol lhe second
slalemenl. ln lhe lrsl case,
il's as il lhere's nolhing lhe
person can do aboul lhe
relalionship, in lhe second
case, lhe speaker can decide
lo make changes in lhe way
lhey are relaling.
Express Yourself
Our emolional slale lrom
momenl lo momenl is a
response nol jusl lo exlernal
evenls bul lo our inlernal
worldlhe memories lhal
leelingly come lo mind and
our images ol whal mighl
happen in lhe lulure. The
melaphors you use will
sublly allecl how you leel,
and any melaphors lhal you
use habilually will shape
bolh lhe way you lhink and
1o make sense of an
unfamiIiar situation fast,
hnd a positive metaphor for
it before you act.
!||s ç|.es ,ou ¦|e ||ç|¦ reu¦a|
a¦¦|¦ude ¦o ¦ud a wa, ¦||ouç|
¦o a so|u¦|ou.
!||u| o¦ w|de opeu re¦ap|o|s
-a doo| opeu|uç, a b|oad
sweep o¦ |audscape-|a¦|e|
¦|au sra||, euc|osed oues.
w|eu ,ou cau ¦||u| w|a¦
sore¦||uç uu¦ar|||a| |s |||e,
,ou ¦ee| cor¦o|¦ab|e w|¦| |¦.
!|eu core bac| ¦o ¦|e
s|¦ua¦|ou aud ca|r|, ¦||u| |¦
l T' S UP TO YOU
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your mood. Whal images do your habilual melaphors
evoke? Do you work wilh someone who is "a pain"? ls
your lamily lile "a nighlmare"? Or is everylhing "running
smoolhly"? ll you use unpleasanl images, you are evoking
malching emolions in your lislenersincluding yoursell.
Recognize Your "5elf"
One ol lhe mosl common yel leasl recognized melaphors
is lhe "sell." We lalk aboul lhe sell as il il is a lazy servanl
("l'm lnding il hard lo molivale mysell") or an unruly child
("l have no sell-discipline"). This dislances you lrom lhe
lacl lhal lhere is jusl lhe one person lhereyou.
Pemember lhal whalever you do, or don'l do, is your
choice and your responsibilily.
DLVLLOP YOUP SLLl- AWAPLNLSS
if you feeI your Iife is in a rut, and you cannot hnd a
way to progress, use metaphor to heIp you think
creativeIy. find a metaphor for where you are right
now, and deveIop it to see how you might move on.
/ jou|ue, |s a uu|.e|sa| re¦ap|o| ¦o| ||¦e ¦|a¦ au,oue cau
|e|a¦e ¦o. çoa|s a|e des¦|ua¦|ous, c|a||euçes a|e obs¦ac|es
a|ouç ¦|e wa,, aud so ou. You cou|d as| ,ou|se|¦, |¦ ,ou| ||¦e
we|e |||e a jou|ue,, w|a¦ ||ud o¦ jou|ue, wou|d |¦ be1 You
cau w||¦e ,ou| auswe| o| d|scuss |¦ w|¦| soreoue e|se. !|e
auswe|s cau be .e|, |e.ea||uç. / ||¦e ¦|a¦ |s |||e a ¦|a|u jou|ue,
¦|a¦ does uo¦ s¦op a¦ ¦|e ||ç|¦ s¦a¦|ou, ¦o| e·arp|e, ra,
|e.ea| ¦|a¦ ,ou ueed ¦o pa, ro|e a¦¦eu¦|ou, aud ¦o ¦a|e ro|e
cou¦|o| o¦ ,ou| d||ec¦|ou.
lf you ñnd yourself using negative metaphors,
ask yourself, "What else is this situation like7 Bow
else could l describe it7"
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Chart the Highs and Lows of Your Life
Anolher way ol viewing your lile is lo lisl high and low
poinls (a briel example is shown above). When you have
compleled your lisl, look back over il. Nolice how each
signilcanl experience in your lile has helped lo make you
lhe person you are loday. lirsl, lake credil lor making lhe
high poinls happen. Ask yoursell lhese queslions.
º How did l conlribule lo lhal being a high poinl?
º Whal was l doing righl?
Learn from the Low Points
Pemember lhal lhere is somelhing posilive lo learn lrom
lhe worsl experiences, even il il is only how lo prevenl a
similar experience lrom happening again. lacing adversily
develops your characleril you choose lo learn lrom il.
Ask yoursell lhese queslions.
º Whal posilive lhings have l learned lrom lhal
º ln whal ways has lhis made me a slronger/wiser/more
compassionale person?
lmagine lhal your lile is being made inlo a movie. Which
episodes would lhe direclor emphasize lo make an
inspiring slory? Which episodes would be selecled il il was
a leel-good comedy?
º fa|||uç r, d||.|uç ¦es¦
º 'peud|uç ¦wo ,ea|s |u a job
l d|s|||ed
º be|uç passed o.e| ¦o| ¦|e
pos|¦|ou |u New Yo||
º V, d|.o|ce
º V, poo| |eco|d |u sa|es
º w|uu|uç a d|p|ora
º Ea|u|uç a deç|ee |u a subjec¦ l
|o.ed, bu¦ ¦ouud c|a||euç|uç
º f|ua||, çe¦¦|uç ¦|e ||ç|¦
ra||e¦|uç job
º !|e b||¦|s o¦ r, c|||d|eu
º V, p|oro¦|ou |as¦ ,ea|
Chart Your Personal Highs and Lows
l T' S UP TO YOU
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DLVLLOP YOUP SLLl- AWAPLNLSS
As weII as reviewing your Iife with the beneht of hindsight,
you can Iearn from as it unfoIds by reñecting on it each day.
Writing your thoughts down heIps you detach yourseIf from
them, as weII as teaching you more about yourseIf.
Pe-reading pasl enlries, even comparalively recenl ones wrillen
jusl a monlh or lwo ago, will show you how much your emolional
slale inluences how you lhink and whal you wrile.
Ten minules ol wriling a day is enough lo give you uselul
resulls, il becomes ellorlless once you gel inlo lhe habil.
Wrile whalever you lhink, wilhoul analyzing il or pre-planning
whal you are going lo say.
lind lhe lime ol day lhal works besl lor you. lirsl lhing in lhe
morning (belore your mind gels involved in lhe day's
dislraclions), when you come home lrom work (lo draw a line
belween work and leisure), and lasl lhing al nighl are all
popular choices, according lo lasle.
Keep a 1ournal
1uosdsy, April 24
´ .crcer¹.| -.rr.-e :|.- rcrr.rq r~ce .: ¹ee|
j~r:.c.|~r|y .r-j.r.rq :c re .j -c e~r|y ~rc |~.e
:.re :c ¹cc.- cr :|e c~y ~|e~c.
¹|e c¹ºce .~- :er-e ..:| :|e recrq~r.z~:.cr .r ¹.||
-..rq, r.: :|e re. r~r~qer -eer- re~-cr~r|e ~rc
.- :.rr.rq c.: :c re qccc ~: ccrjrcr.-e .r :r.c|y
!|~rr.rq ¹cr :|e :r.j :c :|e !e. `cr| c¹ºce .- qc.rq
-rcc:||y, ~rc '`.e reer q..er :|e ¸cr c¹ c.er-ee.rq
:|e -c|ec.|e ¹cr :|e ce|eq~:e-. '`r :ry.rq rc: :c qe:
:cc rer.c.- ~rc.: .:, -.rce ' |rc. :|~: ' ccr`:
jer¹crr ~: ry re-: .|er '`r :er-e.
Sec1_41_ED245_US 41 31/7/06 5:06:04 pm
42_ED245_CMYK_ 42 11/4/06 6:38:05 pm
To harness lhe posilive power ol "loward"
molivalion, you need lo be clear aboul whal
you wanl. When you are busy dealing wilh
lhe ever-increasing demands ol everyday lile,
il is easy lo gel dislracled lrom giving your
own needs and wishes lhe allenlion lhey
deserve. This seclion is aboul locusing on
whal is really imporlanl lo you. ll shows you.
º How lo dislinguish belween "urgenl" and
º How lo clarily your values
º How lo check lor and resolve inner conlicls
and polenlial sell-sabolage
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Look Ahead
Do you Iive for Ihe momenI, or is your Iife pIanned ouI
in deIaiI from nov unIiI beyond reIiremenI? ProbabIy
you faII somevhere beIveen Ihe Ivo. You need Io Iook
aI hov Io make a vision of Ihe fuIure vork for you.
Where ls Your Iime Horizon?
ll you own a business, lhe discipline ol having lo creale
a business plan may already have lorced you lo make plans
beyond your nalural lime horizon. ln our personal lives,
mosl ol us could benell lrom giving some suslained
allenlion lo lhe longer lerm. Looking larlher ahead allows
you lo sideslep some ol lhe nasly surprises lhal lile can
lhrow al you, and means lhal you spend less lime in
"lrelghling" mode lrying lo deal wilh unexpecled evenls.
Work toward Your Goals
ll il is nol easy lo lhink ol your goals lor six years ahead,
lhis is valuable inlormalion in ilsell. Treal il as a sign lhal
il is worlh spending some lime deciding whal you wanl
in lhe lulure. Pemember lhal lhis is jusl a slarling poinl.
You can add lo your goals as more ideas come lo you. You
may lnd lhal you gel clearer aboul your vision lor lhe
lulure as you complele lhe exercises in lhe nexl lew pages.
They will help you clarily your values. Don'l be surprised il
your goals change allogelher, or radically expand, as you
raise your sighls and discover more aboul whal you wanl.
!a||uç a s|o|¦·¦e|r .|ew
Eusu|es |eac¦|.e be|a.|o|
wo||s w|¦| "awa, ¦|or"
ls d||.eu b, uecess|¦,
Corpe|s ,ou ¦o ac¦
!a||uç a |ouç·¦e|r .|ew
Euab|es p|oac¦|.e dec|s|ous
wo||s w|¦| "¦owa|d"
ls d||.eu b, poss|b|||¦,
C¦¦e|s c|o|ce
Long- versus 5hort-term Views
DLCl DL WHAT' S l MPOPTANT
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Place lmportant over Urgent
Slephen Covey, lhe well-known aulhor on business and
lime managemenl, draws a dislinclion belween lasks lhal
demand lo be done immedialely, and lasks lhal are
imporlanl. He poinls oul lhal lhe imporlanl lasks ollen
gel pushed lo lhe back ol lhe line, because we are loo
busy dealing wilh lhe urgenl oneseven lhose lhal are
nol imporlanl. The imporlanl lasks ollen only gel done
in a mad scramble, when lhey become urgenl because a
deadline is looming. The key is lo know whal is imporlanl,
and lo slay locused on il. Once you have some meaninglul
long-lerm goals lo work loward, lhe sleps lhal will gel you
lhere become imporlanl, and il is easier lo priorilize your
lime. Tackling lhe imporlanl lasks lrsl will increase your
sense ol conlrol over your workload, reduce your slress
levels andmosl imporlanl ol allensure lhal you
accomplish much more.
Ask yourself, "What am l putting off right
now7"¬and do it immediately, without conducting
any more internal will l7/won't l7 debates.
1o encourage yourseIf to
focus beyond your everyday
concerns, however pressing,
take ten minutes to ask
yourseIf these questions and
write down your answers.
!|e, w||| |e|p ,ou ¦o ça|u a
b|oad o.e|.|ew o¦ ,ou| s|¦ua¦|ou.
1 w|a¦ a|e ,ou| çoa|s ¦o| s|·
,ea|s ¦|or uow1
2 w|a¦ a|e ,ou| çoa|s ¦o| ¦||ee
,ea|s ¦|or uow1
3 w|a¦ a|e ,ou| çoa|s ¦o| oue
,ea| ¦|or uow1
l¦ |s bes¦ ¦o s¦a|¦ w|¦| ,ou| s|··
,ea| çoa|s, because ¦|e red|ur·
¦e|r aud s|o|¦e|·¦e|r çoa|s w|||
o¦¦eu be s¦epp|uç s¦oues ou ¦|e
wa, ¦o ,ou| |ouç·¦e|r
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Know Your Values
Your vaIues give you moIivaIion for your acIions.
foIIov Ihe numbered sIages in Ihis secIion Io esIabIish
vhich vaIues are imporIanI Io you, and ensure IhaI you
are cIear abouI vhaI you are vorking Iovard.
Your Personal 5cale of Values
Your values are also your crileria lor judging il somelhing
is righl or wrong. They guide your decisions and give
meaning lo your lile. This guidance operales al a more or
less unconscious level, you don'l need lo lhink aboul il.
Once you become aware ol your values, you can use lhem
as a checklisl lo evaluale any choices you are ollered.
How Values Originate
You acquire your values as
you grow up, lrom a variely
ol inluences around you
lhey mighl include your
parenls, your peers, or lhe
popular cullure ol your
childhood and youlh. Over
lime, in adullhood, you will
also lnd lhal you modily
your values in lhe lighl ol
lhe conclusions you draw
lor yoursell lrom lhe evenls
ol your lile. Values are
abslracl concepls (like |un,
|n|eçr||y, |earn|nç, or
:ecur||y), so you can salisly
lhem in many dillerenl
ways. Use lhe lour
numbered slages shown in
oulline on lhe lell, and
expanded on lhe lollowing
pages, lo idenlily and
organize your values.
find ¥our vaIues
1 |irsl, íud your values íor a
parlicular area oí your liíe
2 Jheu eslablish which oí lhese
values are uosl iuporlaul lo you
3 Check íor clashes belweeu
couNicliug values aud resolve lheu
4 Check íor "away írou"
uolivaliou iu lhe íual sel oí
DLCl DL WHAT' S l MPOPTANT
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1 Find Your Values for a 5peciHc Area
The lrsl slep is lo lhink ol lhe area ol your lile lhal you
wanl lo change lrsl. When you have decided whal il is,
ask yoursell lhe lollowing queslions.
º Whal is imporlanl lo me aboul <area>?
Wrile down lhe immediale answer lhal comes lo mind.
Then conlinue lo ask.
º Whal else is imporlanl lo me aboul <area>?
You will probably end up wilh a lisl ol around seven lo len
poinls ol imporlance relaling lo lhal areaallhough il
may be less and il may be
more. These poinls are lhe
values lhal you hold lor lhal
area ol your lile. Keep a
nole ol lhem, and revisil
lhem il you need lo.
Lliciling your values is a simple yel powerlul processuse lhese
lips lo make il more revealing. ll may be easier lor someone else
lo ask you lhe queslions, inslead ol asking lhem ol yoursell.
Values should be abslracl. ll you reach a "concrele" answer
(like "a good company car" as a career value), ask again
"Whal's imporlanl aboul lhal?" unlil you reach an abslracl.
Lven when you lhink you have run oul ol answers, asking
"Whal's imporlanl aboul <area>?" will ollen unearlh
imporlanl values lhal you were less consciously aware ol.
The more honesl you are wilh yoursell, lhe more valuable your
lisl will be lo you.
ll your values lisl includes a word like "salislaclion,"
"lullllmenl," or "conlenlmenl," check whal lhal word means
lo you. ll il is whal you would gel il all lhe olher values on lhe
lisl were presenl, you can salely lake il oul.
Get the Best from the Process
lt's not hard to make
decisions when you know
what your values are.
Roy 0isuey
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2 Establish Your Nost lmportant Values
Some values will be more imporlanl lo you lhan olhers.
The mosl imporlanl values will be lhe ones lhal have lhe
mosl say in how you use your lime, so lhe nexl slep in
clarilying your priorilies lor your chosen area will be lo
discover your values hierarchy. The lrsl value lhal came
lo mind in lhe previous exercise may nol be lhe mosl
imporlanl. ln lacl, some ol lhe "submerged" values lhal
came al lhe end ol lhe lisl may be lhe ones lhal lurn oul
lo be mosl imporlanl lo you. Lliciling your values hierarchy
is simple. Jusl lake your lisl ol values lor a given area and
ask yoursell.
º ll l could only have one ol lhese values in <area>, which
one would il have lo be?'
When you have idenliled lhal value, ask.
º ll l could only have one more, which one would il be?
and so on, unlil you have all lhe values in order.
Look al lhe example below, using values lor
"Work and Career."
Inirisl Lisr
!~|.rq ~
kovisod prioriry ordor
!~|.rq ~
DLCl DL WHAT' S l MPOPTANT
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Noney as a Value
ll money comes oul al lhe lop ol lhe lisl, you may need
lo do some addilional work on your lisl. ldeally, money
would be a "means" value, one lhal is uselul because
having il helps lo lullll abslracl "ends" values. lor
example, having money mighl allow you lo have more
securily, or lreedom. Money does nol make a good "ends"
value. ll someone has money al lhe lop ol lheir values lisl,
lhey could end up wilh a large amounl ol money, bul lnd
lhal il means nolhing lo lhem.
Keep Your Priorities Flexible
The values lhal are mosl imporlanl lo you may change
over lime as your circumslances change. ll someone is
heavily in debl, money may be high on lheir scale ol
values. Once lhey have a comlorlable amounl in lhe bank,
money mighl be less imporlanl, and olher values move up
lhe lisl. The values hierarchy lhal you eliciled in Slage 2 is
a snapshol ol where you are al lhis poinl in lime.
ll il's hard lo decide which is lhe more imporlanl ol lwo values,
use lhis melhod.
You can have one value or lhe olher, bul nol bolh.
Which does il have lo be?
You may lnd lhal a value in your inilial lisl lurns oul
lo be lhe same as, or a slighlly dillerenl aspecl ol, anolher
value. ll lhis happens, merge lhemso re:pec| and
recoçn|||on mighl become re:pec|/recoçn|||on.
You can wrile lhe values on slicky noles lo make il easier lo
reorder lhemil also makes lhe process more physically
inleraclive, so il may give you a deeper conneclion wilh il.
Deciding between Values
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3 Check for Clashes between Values
Conlicling values (lor example, advenlure versus securily
in your career) can make you leel lorn belween lhem.
Here's how lo check lhal your values are compalible.
º Take lhe lowesl value on your priorilized lisl and check
il againsl lhe one above il. Can you have bolh? ll you
leel lhal lhe lwo values cannol coexisl, mark an X al
lhe clash. Conlinue lo check lhe lowesl value againsl
every olher value, all lhe way up lhe lisl.
º Then lake lhe nexl lowesl value, and check il againsl
each value above il in lurn.
º Conlinue wilh lhe nexl lowesl value unlil you have
checked each value againsl all lhe values above il.
Read Your Chart
ln lhe sample charl below, lhe subjecl leels lhal
"enjoymenl" and "money," and "securily" and
"recognilion" are in conlicl wilh each olher. They need lo
ask more queslions lo resolve how lhe clashing values can
be mel, or lo decide on lhe more imporlanl ol lhe lwo.
Integrity Making a Money Lnjoyment Security PeopIe kecognition
Va||uç a
Potential Values Clashes
DLCl DL WHAT' S l MPOPTANT
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4 Check for "Away From" Notivation
Molivalion can be loward whal you wanl, away lrom whal
you don'l wanl, or a mixlure ol lhe lwo. "Away lrom"
molivalion usually runs oul belore you reach your goal, so
you may lnd lhal values lhal are mainly "away lrom" will
nol be lulllled consislenlly. The key queslion lor delecling
lhe direclion ol molivalion in each value is " is
<value> imporlanl?" ln lhe charl above, you can see a
range ol answers lo lhe queslion "Why is money
imporlanl?", alongside lhe molivalion underpinning each
one. Allhough "why?" is nol a uselul queslion lo ask in a
problem-solving silualion (il lends lo elicil eilher excuses
or juslilcalions), il is a valuable one when you are lrying lo
eslablish molivalion. To answer lhe queslion, you have lo
analyze lhe lhinking underpinning your aclions, and il will
become clear whal your molivalion is.
What Your Answers 5ay about Notivation
¥0uk ANSW£k
"because l'.e beeu poo|, aud
l d|du'¦ |||e |¦."
"because o¦ a|| ¦|e woude|¦u|
¦||uçs l cou|d do w|¦| |¦."
"we||, ,ou ueed roue,."
"l¦'s be¦¦e| ¦o |a.e roue,."
" because l cau bu, ¦||uçs, aud
l cau use |¦ ¦o beue¦¦ peop|e,
aud |¦ p|o.|des a sa¦e¦, ue¦."
"/wa, ¦|or" ro¦|.a¦|ou
" !owa|d" ro¦|.a¦|ou
Coucea|ed "awa, ¦|or" ro¦|.a¦|ou-
|¦ ,ou sa, ,ou ueed sore¦||uç, w|a¦
|s |ea||, ou ,ou| r|ud |s w|a¦ w|||
|appeu |¦ ,ou dou'¦ |a.e |¦.
/uo¦|e| coucea|ed "awa, ¦|or"-
be¦¦e| ¦|au w|a¦1 !|au uo¦ |a.|uç |¦.
Vos¦|, "¦owa|d," w|¦| sore "awa,
8ecome more aware of other people's
motivation by noticing the "toward" and "away from"
clues in what they say.
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Resolve Values ConHicts
If you discovered IhaI Ivo of your vaIues conñicI viIh
one anoIher, Ihere are severaI possibIe meIhods for you
Io Iry Io vork Iovard a resoIuIion.
5atisfy Both Values
Ask yoursell whal needs lo happen lo make il possible lo
salisly bolh values al lhe same lime. Then make il happen.
Allernalively, lake one ol lhe clashing values and ask
yoursell. "ll l have lhal value lully, whal would il give me
lhal is even more imporlanl?" This should give you a
higher value. Ask lhe same queslion unlil you can'l gel
any higher. Then do lhe same lhing wilh lhe olher value.
You may lnd lhal lhe higher values are more compalible
wilh one anolher lhan lhe lower ones were.
Noving to "Ioward"
Ask yoursell some searching queslions.
º ll you are mainly locused on whal you wanl lo gel
away lrom or avoid, whal do you wanl inslead ol lhal?
º ll you knew lhal you were complelely sale lrom whal
you wanl lo avoid, and lhere was no chance ol ils
happening, whal would lhal lree you up lo do?
º ll your praclical and lnancial needs would be mel
whalever you did, whal would you wanl lo do?
0o|uç a çood job aud qua||¦, ¦|re
w|¦| ||s ¦ar||, a|e bo¦| |rpo|¦au¦
¦o Yu||o. Fe ¦ouud, ¦|ouç|, ¦|a¦
s¦a,|uç |a¦e a¦ wo|| was ea¦|uç
|u¦o ||s ¦ar||, ¦|re aud |e¦¦ ||r
¦ee||uç |eseu¦¦u| w|||e a¦ wo||, aud
au·|ous w|||e a¦ |ore. |u ue|¦|e|
p|ace was |e ç|.|uç ||s bes¦.
CA5E study: Reconciling the Options
º Yu||o |oo|ed a| h|: ||me
manaçemen| and made :ome
e||c|ency :av|nç:, enab||nç h|m
|o çe| away |rom wor| ear||er.
º Yu||o |earned |o ba|ance |wo
con||c||nç requ|remen|:. A: he
|e|| |e:: |en:e, h|: crea||v||y a|
wor| ac|ua||y |mproved.
DLCl DL WHAT' S l MPOPTANT
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Use visuaIization to give your conñicting vaIues their own
voices. Step outside yourseIf and see how they negotiate
with each other. 8y objectifying your vaIues, you wiII hnd it
easier to estabIish what is reaIIy important to you.
lmagine you have one ol your values silling in lhe palm ol
your hand. Whal does il look like? Whal does ils voice sound
like? Do lhe same wilh lhe olher value, in lhe olher hand.
Ask one ol lhe values whal il is lrying lo do lor you and whal
is really imporlanl lo il. lmagine an answer lhal leels righl.
Pepeal lhe process wilh lhe olher value.
Ask lhe lwo values il lhey now realize lhal lhey bolh wanl lhe
besl lor you.
Ask each value lo lell lhe olher whal il needs lo know.
lmagine whal lhe lwo would look like il lhey merged.
When lhe values are as close as possible, lel your hands relax
as you lake lhe values back.
Take a lillle lime and ways
ol lulllling bolh may come
lo you.
Give Your Values Voices
FerscnaIize ¥cur VaIues ^s lhey
acquire lheir owu voices, you will íud
il uuch easier lo acl as au objeclive
uedialor belweeu lheu.
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DLCl DL WHAT' S l MPOPTANT
5ummary: Know Your Values
The values lhal are imporlanl lo you, lhe abslracl concepls
such as love, lriendship, securily, or recognilion, provide
molivalion lor your aclions and help guide your decisions.
lor any area ol your lile lhal you wanl lo change, il is
helplul lo lhink aboul lhe values lhal inspire you in lhal area
ol your lileand lhe conlicls belween lhese concepls.
Merge lhe lwo values iulo
oue lhal coubiues bolh
aspecls oí lhe value
^sk yourselí "why is lhis
iuporlaul lo ue1" uulil you
reach au abslracl coucepl
|iud lhe values lhal
are iuporlaul lo you íor a
parlicular area oí your liíe
Check íor values lhal are
ouly iuporlaul lo you
because lhey help you
achieve olher values
0o auy oí lhe values seeu
lhe saue as, or very siuilar
lo, auolher value ou lhe lisl1
0o auy oí lhe values express
a coucrele goal, ralher lhau
au abslracl coucepl1
Eslablish which oí
lhese values are uosl
iuporlaul lo you
Replace lhese "ueaus"
values wilh lhe "euds"
values lhal lhey help achieve
know ¥our vaIues
Plan of Action
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Check íor "away
írou" uolivaliou iu lhe
íual sel oí values
Cau you chauge lhe silualiou
so you cau salisíy bolh
values al lhe saue liue1
Make lhese chauges
visualize each couNicliug
value as au iudividual
"voice," aud acl as au
objeclive uedialor
belweeu lheu
Check íor clashes
belweeu couNicliug values
aud resolve lheu
Look íor lhe higher value
lhal is couuou lo bolh, aud
gel lheu, al lhe leasl, lo
agree lo work logelher
Modiíy lhe wordiug oí lhe
couNicliug values lo show
how lhey are coupalible
kesoIve vaIue Conñicts
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The biggesl obslacles lo achieving our goals
are wilhin ourselves. To sel oul lor your goals
wilh conldence lhal you will achieve lhem,
you lrsl need lo lel go ol any limiling beliels
and clear oul any blocks wilhin yoursell. This
seclion will help you lo.
º ldenlily and loosen up limiling beliels
º Cel yoursell oul ol a rul
º Deluse lhe lriggers lor problems
º Handle your inner crilic
º Deal wilh dillcull people
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Defeat Limiting Beliefs
AnyIhing you beIieve IhaI hoIds you back can be
described as a IimiIing beIief. II couId be a beIief abouI
your ovn capabiIiIies, abouI hov Ihe vorId vorks, or
abouI hov you or oIher peopIe shouId behave.
Look at Your Beliefs
As a child, you lake your beliels lrom olher people. Once
you have some beliels in place, you use lhem as lhe basis
lor lorming new beliels. As soon as you slarl basing your
beliels on olher beliels, ralher lhan on lhe evidence ol
your senses, you lose lhe realily check lhal would make
you updale your beliels in lhe lighl ol new evidence. Whal
you lell yoursell acls like a sell-
hypnolic suggeslionil begins lo
inluence your view ol realily. This
is all lhe more insidious because
mosl ol lhe lime you are nol
consciously paying allenlion lo
your inlernal dialogue, so whal il is
saying goes unchallenged by your
conscious mind.
ldentify Limiting Beliefs
8ecoming aware ol beliels lhal you lnd limiling is lhe lrsl
slep lo changing lhem. They are nol always obvious, bul
lhey usually show up lrsl al a conscious level as leelings ol
discomlorl, irrilalion, or anxiely when lhinking aboul a
parlicular issue. lor example, il you're worried aboul
pulling yoursell lorward lor promolion al work, you could
say oul loud, "l can do lhal job easily." Your immediale
inner response mighl be "No l couldn'l, lhey'll see lhrough
me in a minulel don'l have enough experience," and so
on. So you could wrile down lhe lhree limiling beliels,
exaclly as you expressed lhem lo yoursell inlernally.
º l couldn'l do lhal job
º They'll see lhrough me
º l don'l have enough experience
0ur Iongest-
heId beIiefs
may be the
most Iimiting
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DLlLAT Ll Ml Tl NC 8LLl LlS
Challenge Your Beliefs
Jusl wriling lhe limiling beliels down dislances lhem lrom
you and slarls lo loosen lhem up. Since you are now
aware ol lhem, you can begin lo queslion il lhey are really
lrue. Limiling beliels are ollen indicaled by recurring words
and phrases in whal we say. ll you lnd yoursell using any
ol lhese phrases in your inlernal dialogue, ask yoursell lhe
indicaled queslion lo uncover lhe limiling beliel and
reconnecl il wilh realily. Wilh praclice, you will soon lnd
lhal lhese phrases ring alarm bells lor you and warn you il
you are slraying inlo negalive lhoughl pallerns.
INDICA10k W0kD WKA1 I1 INDICA1£S AND WKA1
0k FKkAS£ 10 ASk ¥0ukS£LF
'|ou|d, ouç|¦ ¦o l¦ ,ou |a.e |u|es ¦o| |ow peop|e "s|ou|d" be|a.e,
,ou a|e se¦¦|uç ,ou|se|¦ up ¦o| d|sappo|u¦reu¦ w|eu
¦|e, dou'¦ ||.e up ¦o ¦|ese s¦auda|ds. /s| ,ou|se|¦.
"w|a¦ wou|d |appeu |¦ l/¦|e, dou'¦1"
l rus¦, l |a.e ¦o !||s wa, o¦ ¦||u||uç |ud|ca¦es ¦|a¦ ,ou ¦ee| corpe||ed
¦o do sore¦||uç, |a¦|e| ¦|au w||||uç|, c|oos|uç ¦o do
|¦. bu¦ a|e ,ou |ea||, corpe||ed1 !o uuco.e| w|a¦ |s
be||ud ¦||s ¦ee||uç, as| ,ou|se|¦. "w|a¦ w||| |appeu |¦
l dou'¦1"
Va|es re /s |u "'|e ra|es re auç|,." !||s abd|ca¦es ,ou|
pe|soua| |espous|b|||¦, b, assur|uç ¦|a¦ auo¦|e|
pe|sou |as cou¦|o| o.e| ,ou| ¦ee||uçs o| ac¦|ous.
/s| ,ou|se|¦. "Rea||,1 Fow d|d w|a¦ s|e d|d o| sa|d
cause re ¦o çe¦ auç|,1"
l cau'¦ l¦ ¦||s reaus "l cau'¦ do ¦||s ,e¦," as|. "w|a¦ s¦ops
,ou1" l¦ |¦ reaus "l dou'¦ wau¦ ¦o," as|. "w|a¦
wou|d |appeu |¦ ,ou d|d1"
/|wa,s, ue.e|, !||s |ud|ca¦es a sweep|uç çeue|a||.a¦|ou, ¦o w||c|
e.e|,oue, uobod, ¦|e|e w||| usua||, be e·cep¦|ous. Ius¦ pu¦ a ques¦|ou
ra|| a¦¦e| ¦|e wo|d "a|wa,s1"
!|, "!|," |ud|ca¦es ¦|a¦ ,ou a|e doub¦¦u|, o| ¦|a¦ ,ou ra,
uo¦ succeed. lus¦ead, sa, "l w|||."
Check Your 5elf-Ialk
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Loosen Limiting Beliefs
Lven il you have held some ol lhe beliels lhal limil you lor
a very long lime, you can slill loosen lhem comparalively
easily. Try lhe lollowing lechniques.
º Turn lhem inlo queslions. Add a queslion mark onlo
lhe end ol each beliel and say il oul loud as a queslion.
This inlroduces doubl and makes you compare lhe
beliel wilh your currenl realilya lol may have
happened since you acquired lhe beliel originally and il
may no longer be lrue. ll you are doubllul aboul your
abilily lo do a job, lor example, saying "l don'l have
enough experience?" aulomalically makes you slarl
looking lor examples ol relevanl experience lrom your
work hislory up lo now.
º Ask yoursell where lhe beliel came lrom. As children,
we inlernalize lhings lhal people lell us. Al an early age
we can'l use logic lo check lhe validily ol whal we are
lold, so we jusl accepl il. Think aboul when you lrsl
acquired lhal limiling belielil may be older lhan you
lhinkand who you gol il lrom. Now lhal you have
your adull wisdom and powers ol logic, would you slill
choose lo lake lhal beliel on board?
º Ask yoursell whal lhe beliel is cosling you. ll you go
on believing lhis, whal will lhe negalive ellecl be? ll
you choose lo believe somelhing more empowering,
whal will you gain?
8y reformuIating the Iimiting beIief as an aspirationaI
question, you can turn it around.
l¦ ,ou pu¦ ¦|e wo|ds "Fow cau l." |u ¦|ou¦ o¦ ¦|e
p|ob|era¦|c be||e¦, ,ou ¦u|u |¦ |u¦o a d||ec¦|ou ¦o| ac¦|ou. fo|
e·arp|e, ,ou cau |ep|ace "l dou'¦ |a.e ¦|e ¦|re" w|¦| "Fow
cau l ¦ud ¦|e ¦|re1"
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º Ask yoursell whal lhe beliel is lrying lo do lor you.
Whal is lhe posilive inlenlion behind lhal beliel? (lor
example, il may be lrying lo preserve you lrom
disappoinlmenl.) ls il achieving il? Try lo lhink ol ways
in which you can lel go ol lhe beliel bul achieve lhe
posilive oulcome il was lrying lo gel lor you.
º Ask yoursell il everyone believes lhe same lhing. Does
everyone you know share lhis limiling beliel? ll you can
lhink ol someone who does nol, whal enables lhem lo
believe somelhing dillerenl? ll lhey can do il, lhen you
should be able lo, loo.
DLlLAT Ll Ml Tl NC 8LLl LlS
ll simply inslalling a new sel ol beliels seems loo hard lo you, lry
lhem oul by menlally rehearsing how lhey will leel. ll will help
you realize lhal il is possible lo change lhe way you lhink and acl.
ldenlily whal you would choose lo believe inslead ol lhe
limiling beliel.
Pun a menlal movie in which you see yoursell acling lrom lhe
new beliel, in a silualion where il is appropriale.
Pepeal lhe movie, making il more vivid each lime, unlil il
slarls lo look convincing.
Make any adjuslmenls you need lo.
Slep inlo lhe "you" in lhe movie and run il again, so lhal you
can leel whal il is like lo acl lrom lhe new beliel. Nolice how
lhings lurn oul dillerenlly.
Try oul acling on your new beliel in a non-lhrealening real-lile
silualion and nolice how lhings lurn oul dillerenlly.
Rehearsing New Beliefs
Look back over your life history for repeating
patterns. When you learn from your mistakes, you
don't have to repeat them.
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Deal with Problems
Any probIem has a Ihree-parI sIrucIure, vhich gives you
Ihree vays Io IackIe iI. change Ihe siIuaIion, change
hov you inIerpreI iI, or change your response Io iI. Even
if Ihe ñrsI is noI possibIe, Ihe oIher Ivo aIvays are.
5tay Relaxed and Positive
Somelimes your mind's allempls lo solve a problem can
aclually help lo keep lhe problem in place. lor example,
someone who has sullered a bad relalionship breakup may
lnd lhemselves pulling back emolionally when lheir new
parlner gels loo serious. This could resull in lhe breakup ol
lhe currenl relalionshiplhe very lhing lhey were lrying lo
avoid. Trying lo solve a problem by conlinually lurning il
over in your mind may embed il deeper. The "solulion
locus" approach in lherapy suggesls a dillerenl melhod. il
you locus your allenlion on whal lile would be like il lhe
problem were solved, you will be more likely lo lhink and
acl in ways lhal leave lhe problem behind.
focus on the SoIution
What is
|í you lel lhe
probleu occupy all
lhe íoregrouud, you
cau hardly see lhe
soluliou, reverse lhe
scale, aud lhe
soluliou is clear
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Use the Niracle Çuestion
So whalever lhe problem you are lrying lo solve, ask
yoursell lhis queslion. "ll a miracle were lo happen lonighl
while l am asleep, so lhe problem was complelely solved,
whal is going lo lell me lhal lhe problem has gone away
when l wake up lomorrow?" Think around lhe answer,
giving il lhe lime il deserves, and go inlo as much delail as
possible on whal lhe solulion will seem like and how il will
change lhings. A good supplemenlary back-up queslion lo
gel you lhinking aboul how
you will be behaving
dillerenlly is. "How will
olher people around me be
able lo lell lhal lhis miracle
has happened?"
DLAL Wl TH PPO8LLMS
Somelimes you can lnd yoursell going over and over your
problems, leeling low in energy, and lelling yoursell lhal lhere is
nolhing lo look lorward lo. ll you ever gel inlo lhal kind ol rul,
here are some lried-and-lesled ways lo gel yoursell oul ol il.
Exercise. research shows lhal regular vigorous exercise produces
brain chemicals lhal have lhe ellecl ol making us leel good.
PIan Ihings Io Iook forvard Io. remember lo schedule lreals lor
yoursell even when you are busy and dislracled, lo avoid "emply
weekend" syndrome.
InIerrupI recurring paIIerns. il you are gelling sluck in a
lamiliar pallern lhal is allecling your energy, inlerrupl il by doing
somelhing dillerenl. Cel some ideas by asking yoursell.
Whal would my lavorile TV characler do inslead?
Whal is lhe mosl oul-ol-characler lhing l could do?
Whal would a concerned lriend advise me lo do?
Getting Yourself Out of a Rut
1he universe is change;
our life is what our
thoughts make it.
Marcus ^urelius
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5cale the Problem
Try lhis queslion. where would you place lhe problem you
are dealing wilh on a scale ol ! lo !0, where ! is lhe worsl
il has ever been and !0 is where you will be when lhe
problem is complelely solved? Assigning lhe number
aclivales lhe lell hemisphere ol lhe brain, which is more
associaled wilh posilive emolions lhan lhe righl. To move
loward aclion, ask whal would be dillerenl il you were
one number above your currenl raling. How would your
lhoughls, leelings, aclions, and lhe oulside world diller?
This will help you lo lake lhe lrsl slep loward a solulion.
Use Your Ihoughts to Help
Common sense lells us lhal il we lhink aboul unpleasanl
lhings, we leel bad, and il we lhink aboul pleasanl lhings,
we leel good. As we have already seen wilh lhe lechnique
lor making lhe mosl ol your good memories, lhe way lhal
we lhink aboul lhings has a big impacl on lhe inlensily ol
whal we leel aboul lhem.
la|¦ o¦ Io|u's job |u.o|.ed ç|.|uç
p|eseu¦a¦|ous, aud |e ço¦ .e|,
ue|.ous abou¦ ¦|er. be¦o|e
eac| oue |e wou|d |uu ro.|es |u
||s |ead, w|¦| ¦|e a|r o¦ be|uç
"p|epa|ed ¦o| ¦|e wo|s¦." because
¦|e ro.|es we|e "s|o¦" ¦|or ||s
owu po|u¦ o¦ .|ew as p|eseu¦e|,
|e ¦e|¦ ro|e au·|ous ¦|e ro|e
sceua||os |e |raç|ued. w|eu ||s
co||eaçue suççes¦ed |e ¦|, .|ew|uç
¦|e reu¦a| ro.|es as au objec¦|.e
obse|.e|, |a¦|e| ¦|au a pa|¦|c|pau¦,
|e becare ruc| |ess au·|ous.
CA5E study: Eliminating Anxiety
º Iohn |ound |ha| a de|ached
po|n| o| v|ew d|:|anced h|m |rom
unhe|p|u| emo||on:.
º W||h prac||ce, he cou|d :ee
h|: |u|ure :e|| cop|nç ca|m|y w||h
m|:hap: and |ouçh que:||on:.
||: pre:en|a||on: wen| be||er
becau:e he wa: |e:: nervou:.
º |e |ound he cou|d çe| even
be||er re:u||: by |maç|n|nç
pre:en|a||on: |ha| were we||
rece|ved, becau:e men|a||y
rehear:|nç :ucce:: ma|e:
:ucce:: more |||e|y.
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Alter Your Viewpoint
One ol lhe mosl powerlul ways lo aller lhe impacl ol
a menlal image is lo change lhe poinl ol view lrom which
you look al il. ll you are viewing a memory lrom lhe poinl
ol view lhal you had when il happened, seeing il lhrough
your own eyes, you will lnd lhal you revisil lhe memory
exaclly as you remember il, and will probably also leel lhe
emolion lhal goes wilh lhal memory. ll, however, you lake
lhe poinl ol view ol an imparlial observer, someone
looking al lhe scene lrom lhe oulside, so lhal ralher lhan
being yoursell, you are seeing an image ol yoursell, you
will lnd lhal you are aulomalically more delached lrom
lhe accompanying emolion. You can reduce lhe emolion
even more by sending lhe image larlher away in your
perceplual space, by draining lhe color oul ol il, and by
making il dimmer, blurrier, or more laded. Praclice lhis way
ol lhinking regularly, so lhal when you really need lo
swilch your viewpoinl, you can do so easily.
DLAL Wl TH PPO8LLMS
Altering your mental images is a skill that you
can learn fairly quickly¬emotionally neutral images
are easier to practice on.
1each yourseIf to defuse the
impact of a negative image.
!||u| o¦ a ¦ood ¦|a¦ d|sçus¦s
,ou. /s ,ou .|sua||.e ¦|e |raçe,
ra|e a reu¦a| uo¦e o¦ |ow
|u¦euse ,ou| ¦ee||uç o¦ d|sçus¦ |s.
1 No¦|ce |ow b|ç ¦|e p|c¦u|e |s.
2 No¦|ce |ow co|o|¦u| |¦ |s.
3 ls |¦ ro.|uç o| s¦|||1
4 ls |¦ ¦||ee·d|reus|oua| o| ¦a¦1
5 Now ra|e ¦|e |raçe sra||e|
aud ¦a|¦|e| awa, ¦|or ,ou,
wo|| ou ra||uç |¦ ¦a¦, d|r,
rouoc||ore, aud s¦|||.
6 No¦|ce |ow |u¦euse ,ou|
¦ee||uç o¦ d|sçus¦ |s uow. You
s|ou|d ¦ud ¦|a¦ |¦ |as |educed
|u s¦|euç¦|.
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Defuse Problem Iriggers
Like everyone else, you will undoubledly have some
lriggers lor aulomalic responses, bul while many responses
will be nearly universalil you are oul driving and you see
a red lighl ahead, lor example, il's likely lhal you, like every
olher driver, will lnd yoursell aulomalically wanling lo
brakeolhers will be highly personalized and will be yours
alone. You probably know whal lhey are, bul il is possible
lo learn some elleclive ways ol delusing lhem and robbing
lhem ol lheir power over you. Some ol lhe lrigger-
response pairings you have picked up along lhe way may
be parlicularly unhelplul il lhey allach lhemselves lo
broader silualions. lor example, il, as a child, you originally
slarled lo leel anxious when you saw a lrown on your
parenl's lace, bul now lnd lhal lhal anxiely is lapped by
almosl anyone lrowning al you, lrom your boss lo a
parking allendanl, you need lo lake some aclion lo
diminish lhe power ol lhal parlicular lrigger.
Use this technique to get rid
of an unwanted emotionaI
response, or to defuse the
trigger for a bad habit. It
instaIIs a fresh sequence of
mentaI associations.
1 !a|e a reu¦a| p|c¦u|e o¦ ¦|e
"¦||ççe|" s|¦ua¦|ou. w|a¦ ¦||ççe|s
¦|e |espouse1
2 Le¦ ço o¦ ¦|a¦ p|c¦u|e, aud see
,ou|se|¦ as ,ou w||| be w|eu ,ou
|a.e o.e|core ¦|a¦ p|ob|er.
Va|e ¦|e p|c¦u|e b||ç|¦ aud
corpe|||uç, so ,ou çe¦ a çood
¦ee||uç as ,ou |oo| a¦ |¦.
3 '|||u| ¦|e çood p|c¦u|e ¦o a
powe|¦u| sra|| |raçe
4 Loo| a¦ ¦|e "¦||ççe|" p|c¦u|e, ¦||s
¦|re w|¦| ¦|e pos|¦|.e |raçe |u a
|owe| co|ue|. Va|e ¦|e ¦||ççe|
p|c¦u|e d|sappea|, aud e·paud
¦|e pos|¦|.e |raçe ¦o ¦u|| s|.e,
ra||uç a "'w|sss|!" souud ¦o
erp|as|.e ¦|e e·c|auçe.
5 Fo|d ¦o| a roreu¦, ¦|eu b|au|
,ou| reu¦a| sc|eeu.
6 Repea¦ ¦.e ¦|res |u qu|c|
7 Loo| a¦ ¦|e ¦||ççe| p|c¦u|e aça|u.
You w||| ¦ud ¦|a¦ ,ou| |espouse
¦o |¦ |s wea|e|.
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Many peopIe are heId back from reaching their fuII
potentiaI by an inner voice, aIso known as the "chatterbox"
or "gremIin," that constantIy nags at them.
You can reduce lhe impacl ol lhis voice. Where is il coming lrom?
Mosl people locale il in lheir heads. Whal does il say, and how do
you leel aboul il? Whal kind ol impacl would il have il.
ll was coming lrom your righl big loe inslead?
ll had a very high-pilched voice?
ll was louder? Or quieler?
ll came lrom oulside your body allogelher?
ll had lhe voice ol a well-known carloon characler?
ll had a humorous lone, wilh a chuckle in ils voice?
ll had a kindly, nurluring lone?
Which one worked besl lor you? How does il leel lo realize lhal
you can change lhe impacl lhal lhe inner crilic has on how you
leel? And when will lhis be mosl uselul lo you?
Dealing with Your lnner Critic
£verycne has an Inner Critic ^llhough everyoue has a voice lhal diuiuishes
lheir couídeuce al liues, how uuch alleuliou you pay lo your uegalive iuuer
crilic is eulirely up lo you-il's wilhiu your coulrol.
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5ummary: Dealing with Problems
Turning problems over and over in your head can quickly
become counlerproduclive, making a silualion leel more
dillcull lhan il aclually is. The key lo dealing wilh problems
is lo slay locused on lhe solulion, remain relaxed and posilive,
and nol lel your personal gremlins lake conlrol.
|ocus ou whal your liíe
would be like ií lhe
probleu were lo be solved
use your auswers lo
íocus ou possible solulious
lo lhe probleu
^sk yourselí lhe uiracle
quesliou. ií lhe
probleu disappeared
louorrow, how would
you be able lo lell1
focus on
the SoIution
0el pleuly oí heallhy,
uood·boosliug exercise lo
help you slay posilive
|ulerrupl recurriug pallerus
oí lhoughl aud acliou
by doiug souelhiug diííereul
Plau lhiugs lo look
íorward lo lhal will help
keep your uiud oíí lhe
ßon't Let ¥ourseIf
Cet into a kut
Plan of Action
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SUMMAPY. DLALl NC Wl TH PPO8LLMS
0o you have au iuuer crilic
who preveuls you írou
dealiug wilh probleus
Reduce ils power over you
by chaugiug lhe characler,
loue, or localiou oí ils voice
0o you have parlicular
lriggers lhal spark a
probleu respouse1
^sk yourselí whal
you would be doiug
diííereully ií lhe probleu
was oue uuuber above
lhe curreul raliug
Rale lhe probleu lhal
you are dealiug wilh ou
a scale oí 1 lo 10 (where
10 is beller)
|s il lhe way you look al lhe
probleu lhal uakes you
íeel auxious1
Swilch your viewpoiul so
lhal you are lookiug al il
írou lhe perspeclive oí au
iuparlial observer
use lhe "Swisssh"
lechuique lo deíuse
probleu lriggers
AIter ¥our viewpoint
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Deal with Other People
5omeIimes iI can seem as if Iife vouId be perfecI if you
didn'I have Io deaI viIh Ihe difñcuII peopIe around you.
ßuI do Ihose peopIe Ihink of IhemseIves as difñcuII?
Very fev peopIe deIiberaIeIy seI ouI Io be avkvard.
Keep an Objective View
Someone wilh whom you have a problem may be regarded
as easygoing by someone else. Lqually, you may somelimes
appear lo be lhe "dillcull" one wilhoul realizing il. You
show dillerenl aspecls ol yoursell lo your parlner, your
colleagues, your children, and your lriends. Whal lhey
perceive is lheir menlal image ol you, lllered by previous
memories, associalions, and lheir own beliels aboul lhe
lype ol person you are. This works bolh waysso lhal
when you have a problem wilh somebody, you are really
having a problem wilh your image ol lhem.
Every Dispute has Ihree Viewpoints
When you are locked in any kind ol conlicl wilh someone
else, il is hard lo keep lhe menlal lexibilily lo lnd crealive
ways lo resolve il. The slronger your emolion, lhe more
rigid and sel your lhinking lends lo become. The key lo
remaining lexible enough lo give yoursell more choice
Look at a recent disagreement from each of the three
viewpoints, starting with your own.
b ca|e¦u| ¦o |e¦ ço o¦ au, ¦ee||uçs ¦|or oue .|ewpo|u¦ be¦o|e
s¦epp|uç |u¦o ¦|e ue·¦. !o çe¦ ¦|e bes¦ ou¦ o¦ ¦||s e·e|c|se,
ra|| ou¦ ¦|e ¦||ee .|ewpo|u¦s as sepa|a¦e p|aces |u ¦|e |oor,
aud p|,s|ca||, ro.e ¦|or oue ¦o auo¦|e|. /¦¦e| .|ew|uç ¦|e
d|spu¦e ¦|or ¦|e de¦ac|ed o.e|.|ew pos|¦|ou, w|a¦ ad.|ce
wou|d ,ou ç|.e ¦o ¦|e ",ou" |u ¦|e ¦|s¦ .|ewpo|u¦1
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DLAL Wl TH OTHLP PLOPLL
aboul your response is lo praclice looking al lhe conlicl
lrom lhree dillerenl viewpoinls. your own, lhe olher
person's, and a delached overview.
Bring Wisdom to ConHicts
Celling sluck in any one ol lhese lhree posilions, so lhal
you only see lhe silualion lrom one poinl ol view, has
disadvanlages. Wisdom comes lrom being able lo move
lreely belween lhe viewpoinls, and in being able lo lel go
ol lhe leelings arising lrom one viewpoinl belore moving
lo anolher, so you can see lhe silualion wilh lresh eyes.
Teach yoursell lo swilch belween dillerenl viewpoinls lexibly in
order lo gain lhe broadesl possible view ol any silualion. Lach
viewpoinl has ils own advanlages and disadvanlages.
How the Viewpoints Work
¥cur cwn pcint cf view: Cood ¦o|
|uow|uç w|a¦ ,ou wau¦, |uow|uç |ow
,ou ¦ee| abou¦ ¦||uçs, aud ¦o| s¦aud|uç
,ou| ç|ouud ¦|r|,.
1he cther perscn's pcint cf view:
Cood ¦o| see|uç c|ea||, w|a¦ ¦|e o¦|e|
pe|sou wau¦s, aud ¦o| erpa¦|,, ra,
|e|p ,ou ¦o see |ow ,ou appea|
¦o ¦|er.
A detached cverview: Cood ¦o|
|oo||uç a¦ ¦||uçs objec¦|.e|,, ca|r|uç
dowu, see|uç ¦|e |u¦e|ac¦|ou as a w|o|e
s,s¦er, aud uo¦|uç |¦s w|de| cousequeuce.
¥cur cwn pcint cf view: Cau |ead
¦o se|¦s|uess o| a||oçauce, ,ou ra,
|ac| awa|euess o¦ |ow ,ou appea|, aud
use o¦|e|s ¦o| ,ou| owu euds.
1he cther perscn's pcint cf view:
Cau |ead ¦o pass|.e be|a.|o|, o|, |u
e·¦|ere cases, a ra|¦,|ed app|oac| |u
w||c| ,ou see o¦|e|s' .|ewpo|u¦s so
c|ea||, ¦|a¦ ,ou a|wa,s pu¦ ¦|er ¦|s¦.
A detached cverview: Lac||uç
uude|s¦aud|uç o¦ |ow ¦|e pa|¦|c|pau¦s
|u ¦|e s|¦ua¦|ou ¦ee|. !||s .|ewpo|u¦ cau
|ead ,ou ¦o core ac|oss as co|d.
Advantages and Disadvantages
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Deal with Criticism
Hov do you respond Io criIicaI commenIs? Do you Iake
Ihem Io hearI, or sIop Ihem aI arm's IengIh and examine
Ihem Io see if Ihey are Irue? Hov abouI compIimenIs?
Do you IreaI Ihem in Ihe same vay, or differenIIy?
Ireat Criticism as Feedback
ll is very common lor people lo lake crilicism immedialely
lo hearl, whelher il is well lounded or nol, bul lo hold
complimenls al a dislance unlil lhey have analyzed lhem.
A more successlul recipe lor happiness is lo do lhe
opposilelo accepl complimenls lreely while subjecling
crilicisms lo carelul scruliny. To exlracl lhe uselul learning
lrom a crilical remark, lollow lhis simple lwo-slep process.
º Menlally delach yoursell lrom lhe emolional impacl ol
lhe crilicism. lmagine you are rising above lhe person
making lhe crilicism and looking down al lhem.
º Ask yoursell. "Whal do l need lo learn lrom lhis?"
You may lnd lhal you learn as much aboul lhe person
ollering lhe crilicism as you do aboul yoursell.
Stay Fcsitive ^ ualure allilude lo crilicisu-lhal il is iuvaluable íeedback-is
a useíul lool iu liíe. |uslead oí becouiug deíeusive wheu crilicized, aiu lo reuaiu
opeu lo couueul, aud lo aualyze il caluly.
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"Projection" is a therapy term that describes the perception
of your own feeIings in another person, without the
reaIization that your interpretation is reaIIy about you.
Assume lor a momenl lhal lhe reason
you are able lo recognize a qualily you
dislike in someone else is because you
have some ol lhal qualily yoursell. This
idea works bolh wayseven il you
don'l realize il, il means lhal you also
have al leasl lraces ol lhe qualilies lhal
you admire in olher people.
Use ProbIematic PeopIe as Practice
Lveryone, no maller how obnoxious lhey seem, is acling lrom a
posilive inlenlion loward lhemselves. Viewing "dillcull" people
lrom lhis perspeclive makes il easier lo undersland lhem. Take lhis
principle one slep lurlher and realize lhal lhey are giving you an
opporlunily lo learn. Some ol lhe mosl valuable lessons you have
learned will have come lrom learning lo handle dillcull people
perhaps a grumpy colleague who unknowingly gave you praclice
in drawing a person oul ol lhemselves. Try running lhrough lhis
exercise a lew limes, using a dillerenl person as your example
each lime, lo increase your underslanding.
Think ol a person who does somelhing lhal irrilales you, or
behaves in a way lhal you don'l like.
Whal is lhe posilive inlenlion behind lheir behavior? See
yoursell briely lhough lheir eyes. Whal do you learn lrom lhis
dillerenl viewpoinl?
ll lhal person's behavior had a posilive inlenlion loward you
behind il, whal would lhal posilive inlenlion be? Whal
posilive lessons do you need lo learn lrom your inleraclion
wilh lhal person?
Ask yoursell. "How am l like lhal person? When do l behave
like lhal?"
Be Aware of Projection
DLAL Wl TH CPl Tl Cl SM
peopIe make
the best
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Now lhal you are clear aboul your values and
have loosened any limiling beliels, you can
lrm up your goals and bring lhem lo lile in
a way lhal will enlisl your unconscious mind
lo help make il happen. lnslalling a vibranl
image ol your goal inlo your lulure will
lurbocharge your molivalion and keep you
locused on doing whalever il lakes lo achieve
lhem. This seclion guides you lhrough.
º Why selling goals is imporlanl
º Whal works in goal-selling
º The lve condilions ol successlul goals
º How lo make your goal compelling
º How lo inslall goals inlo your lulure
lhe Vision
You Wanl
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5et Your Goals
WiIhouI goaIs you vouId jusI be drifIing aimIessIy, aI
Ihe mercy of vhaIever evenIs come aIong in your Iife.
You need Io have a cIear idea abouI vhere you vanI Io
be in order Io Iake Ihe acIion needed Io geI Ihere.
Use Goals to Give You Direction
8y conlrasl, when you know whal your goals are, you
know lhe palh you have lo lollow lo gel lhereand you
have somelhing lo aim al, so you can make correclions
il you gel blown oll course. A sense ol purpose is a
lundamenlal human need. Wilhoul purpose or meaning in
your lile, you become unhappyas you will know il you
have spenl any lenglh ol
lime in an unlulllling job.
Wilh goals, you become
more lexible and resilienl
and beller able lo cope
wilh changing condilions as
you conlinually develop.
Free Nental Energy
ll you lnd il hard lo lhink
ol aclivilies lhal would be
enjoyable, you need lo lree
some menlal energy. Cul
oul aclivilies lhal may be
pleasurable, bul don'l
oller you enjoymenl.
Culling down on lelevision
walching would be a good
slarl. Swilch oll a soap
opera you walch regularly
and you'll already have
lreed up lve hours a week
lhal you could spend
enriching your relalionships
wilh real people.
Look to the future
^ssess where you are uow
|ix ou your loug·leru goals
over a sel liue period
halíway lhrough lhe period you
have sel, assess your progress
^djusl your uediuu·leru goals
ií uecessary. |ix ou your uexl sel
oí loug·leru goals
CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
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Aller exlensive research, lhe psychologisl Mihaly Csikszenlmihalyi
concluded lhal we are happiesl in "low" slales, in which we are
complelely absorbed in whal we are doing. Characlerislic ol a
low slale is lhe locus lhal comes lrom having a delned goal. The
slrelch we lnd in going lor an ambilious goal gives us enjoymenl,
and enjoymenl is dillerenl lrom pleasure, which is merely lhe
leeling ol conlenlmenl we gel whenever we salisly biological or
socially condilioned expeclalionswilh alcohol, drugs, or malerial
possessions. Pleasure leaves us unchanged, enjoymenl is a sign
lhal we are growing and developing. Some examples would be.
Making a success ol a crucial presenlalion
Training lor and running a maralhon
Peading an inspiralional book lhal changes your poinl ol view
Boost Your 5elf-Esteem
A psychology sludy al Washinglon Universily in Sl. Louis
lound lhal people's sell-esleem varies according lo
whelher on a lypical day lhey lhink moslly aboul lhe pasl,
lhe presenl, or lhe lulure. People wilh high sell-esleem
who leel good mosl ol lhe lime locus mainly on posilive
evenls in lhe lulure, while people wilh low sell-esleem
and a lol ol negalive leelings lhink more aboul unpleasanl
evenls in lhe pasl. ll you leel you have learned lrom pasl
evenls, you will lnd il easier lo move on and nol dwell on
aspecls lhal didn'l work and which you now cannol
change. Learning lrom lile as you go is an elleclive way lo
avoid relrospeclive regrels aboul "whal mighl have been."
1ry out new, exciting experiences to get ideas
and broaden your horizons. 5ometimes you don't
know what you want until you've tried it.
Choose Enjoyment over Pleasure
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Nake Goal-5etting Work
Changing your habiIs is noI easy-years of pracIice viII
have embedded Ihem inIo your neuraI circuiIry. In order
Io overcome Ihe inerIia IhaI ve are aII famiIiar viIh, iI's
essenIiaI Io have a cIear vision of vhere you vanI Io be.
Engage Your Unconscious Nind
When you have a vision lhal you can see, hear, and leel, il
engages you on more lhan jusl an inlelleclual level. ll gives
you lhe emolional molivalion you will need lo gel lhrough
selbacks and overcome inerlia. Selling a goal in lhe righl
way ollers a lemplale or "allraclor" lor your unconscious
mind, which sels up lhe allenlion mechanisms in your
brain lo nolice lhe people and opporlunilies lhal can help
you gel closer lo where you wanl lo be. ll also allows you
lo evaluale lhe changes in your surroundings so lhal you
will be aware ol whelher you are gelling closer lo your
desired oulcome, or moving larlher away lrom il.
Distinguish between Goals and Feelings
"l wanl lo be happy" is nol a goal. You can be happy righl
now, lor al leasl a shorl while, by bringing lo mind a
happy lime in your lile, or a person you like. This happens
inslanlly and is accomplished by your inlernal response lo
happy or posilive lhoughls. Coals, by conlrasl, involve
changes in lhe exlernal world around youyou aclually
have lo make somelhing happen lo achieve mosl goals,
and lhis will lake lime.
Feelings versus Goals
F££LIN6 0k VALu£ (such as
You cau |a.e |¦ uow
No s¦eps o| p|auu|uç |equ||ed
60AL (such as "prcmcted
by the end cf this year")
l¦ w||| ¦a|e ¦|re ¦o ac||e.e
'¦eps a|e ueeded ¦o çe¦ ¦|e|e
CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
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It may be that you have known for a Iong time what your
goaIs are. AIternativeIy, you may have started with onIy a
vague notion that you want things to be different from how
they have been up to now.
ll your goals are nol yel as clear as you would like lhem lo be,
here are some ways ol gelling slarled.
Tille lhree sheels ol paper wilh "Things lhal l wanl more ol,"
"Things lhal l wanl lo keep as lhey are," and "Things lhal l
wanl less ol." Divide each sheel inlo lwo columns and wrile
as many enlries as you can in lhe lell-hand column, wilh your
reasons lor each enlry in lhe righl-hand column.
Think aboul people you admire. Whal is il lhal you admire?
How could you be more like lhem?
A leeling can be a slarling poinl lor drawing up your goals. ll
you wanl lo be happier, whal achievable changes would make
il easy lor you lo be happy?
lmages may be easier lo work wilh lhan words. Use magazine
piclures lhal appeal lo you lo creale a collage represenling
your goal.
Envisaging Your Goals
1ninqs I wsnr moro oI:
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· ¹c -|c. .|~: ' |~.e
:c c¹¹er
SampIe List wriliug dowu whal you waul uore oí, aud why you waul il, will
help you lo cousolidale your goals.
MAKL COAL-SLT Tl NC WOPK
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We are aII affected by our surroundings to some extent, and
the environment we create for ourseIves mirrors our inner
state of mind. A cIuttered space wiII drain your energy.
Clearing superluous cluller is one easy
way lo give your energy a boosl and lo
slarl lreeing yoursell lrom pasl
baggage so you can look lo lhe lulure.
Slarl wilh lhe small slull. To gel
pasl lhe leeling ol being
overwhelmed, slarl wilh your junk
drawer. ll will inspire you lo move
on lo lhe bigger slull.
Clear oul anylhing nol used or loved. Under normal
circumslances, il you have nol used an ilem in lhe pasl year,
lhen you will nol use il again.
Sel yoursell a lime limil. ll you have somelhing lhal is
unlnished or needing repair, sel yoursell a period ol lime lo
gel il lxed. ll by lhen il's slill unlnished, il has lo go!
Pecycle ilems lhal are "loo good lo lhrow oul." ll is nol easy
lor mosl people lo jusl lhrow somelhing awayso recycle il
lo lriends, schools, or charilies who will aclually use il.
"One in, one oul." Once you have cleared, mainlain lhal
cluller-lree slale wilh a rule lhal you clear space lor whalever
you bring inlo your home by clearing oul somelhing else.
Cel slarled! The momenl you slarl, you will leel lighler and
empowered lo conlinue. Olher people around you will be
molivaled lo clear lheir cluller. Your home or workspace will
leel lhe benells and appear lull ol posilive energy.
5et your goals at the right level. lf you never
achieve any of them, your sights are set too high; if you
always achieve all of them, they are set too low.
Free Up Your Energy by Decluttering
is easy once
you get
CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
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Distinguish between "Need" and "Want"
Philosophies such as 8uddhism lalk aboul lhe need lor
non-allachmenl lo lhe resulls you gel, so lhal you don'l
gel upsel il lhings do nol work oul lhe way you wanled.
ln lacl, being allached lo a goalneeding il lo happen
arises when you have a menlal image ol lhe goal, bul also
anolher menlal image, ol nol reaching lhe goal, which is
al leasl as slrong. You may nol be consciously aware ol
lhe negalive imagebul il is always lhere. The "away
lrom" molivalion lhal lhis creales will gel in lhe way ol
achieving lhe goal. 8y conlrasl, when you wanl your goal
lo happen bul you will be composed il il does nol, you
only have a posilive menlal image. Your molivalion will be
"loward," which is more direcled
and less slresslul.
Use 5.N.A.R.I. Goals
with Care
ll you are in business you will
probably have come across lhe
S.M.A.P.T. approach, which slales
lhal goals should be Specilc,
Measurable, Achievable, Pealislic
and Timed. These are all necessary
crileria lor success, bul lhey leave
oul an imporlanl laclor. do you
care whelher you achieve lhe
goal? ln lhe environmenl where
lhe S.M.A.P.T. approach originaled
lhere was no shorlage ol "away
lrom" molivalion. ll you did nol
carry oul your lasks, you would be
lred. When you are selling goals
lor yoursell, you need an approach
lhal engages your unconscious
mind and harnesses lhe power ol
"loward" molivalion.
MAKL COAL-SLT Tl NC WOPK
In a situation in
which you need to
assess motivation
fast before you act,
make a quick check.
You cau es¦ab||s| ¦|a¦
,ou a|e us|uç ¦|e
||ç|¦-"¦owa|d" -
ro¦|.a¦|ou b, as||uç
w|a¦ w||| ¦||s çoa|
ça|u ¦o| re1
w||| l |ose au,¦||uç |¦
l |eac| r, çoa|1
You| ça|us s|ou|d be
ç|ea¦e| ¦|au ,ou|
|osses, aud s|ou|d be
p|aced ¦|r|, |u ¦|e
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Find a Route to 5uccessful Goals
ßy nov you viII have some goaIs in mind. You may have
had deñned ouIcomes aII aIong, if noI, Ihey viII have
become cIearer as you vorked on your vaIues or vorked
Ihrough Ihe envisaging process on Ihe previous pages.
Create a Checklist
There are many dillerenl lormulas lor goal-selling
checklisls. One ol lhe mosl elleclive, bolh lor precision
and lor engaging your emolional commilmenl, is lhe
lormula known as lhe P.O.W.L.P. process. Co lhrough lhe
lellers ol lhe word "Power" slep by slep, as described on
lhe lollowing pages. You are lnding oul il your goal will
meel lhe crileria lhal lell you lhal il is achievable.
POWER¬the Keywords
los|¦|.e ¦||u||uç
Cwu ,ou| çoa|
spec|¦, w|a¦ aud w|eu
cous|de| a|| ¦|e E¦¦ec¦s
eusu|e ¦|a¦ ¦|e Rou¦e |s |uowu aud ¦eas|b|e
P¬Positive Ihinking
This is aboul lhe need lo be carelul wilh lhe words you
use when you wrile your goal down, and even when you
lhink lo yoursell aboul il. Selling a goal gives your
unconscious a largel lo work loward. This acls as a sel ol
inslruclions lor deciding whal aspecls ol your environmenl
are worlh giving allenlion lowhich evenls, lhings, and
people you will decide lo nolice because lhey could help
you lo reach your goal, and which will nol make il onlo
your radar because lhey are irrelevanl. Pemember lhal lhe
unconscious does nol recognize a negalive. So il you slale
your goal as "l don'l wanl lo be in lhis unlulllling job a
year lrom now," lhe menlal image you have lrom lhis
wording is slill ol lhe currenl, unlulllling job.
CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
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Get the 1ob Done
Making sure you keep lhe
word "nol" oul ol your
goal slalemenl is nol
enough by ilsell. Your could reslale your goal as "l wanl lo
be oul ol lhis job in a year." This lakes "nol" oul ol lhe
equalion, bul il is slill a slalemenl ol whal you wanl lo
gel away lrom. ll is incomplele, because il says nolhing
aboul whal you wanl lo move loward. Your unconscious is
a precise inslrumenl. usually il will do ils besl lo lullll
exaclly whal you ask ol ilbul no more. ll in a year you
are unemployed, whalever you are consciously lhinking,
your unconscious will regard lhe resull as a job compleled,
because il has given you exaclly whal you asked. You need
lo modily your goal slalemenl lo ensure lhal your
unconscious underslands your end aim.
"ln a year, l wanl lo be in a job lhal pays beller, is more
enjoyable, and has beller prospecls."
While lhis is nol yel specilc enough lo be a well-
lormed goal slalemenl, al leasl il is now poinling you in
lhe righl direclion lor aclion.
ll ND A POUTL TO SUCCLSSlUL COAL S
keIease ¥cur Fcwer ^ clear visiou
oí your goals is lhe key lo accessiug
lhe íull euergy oí your iulerual drive.
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O¬Own Your Goal
Whose goal is il? You will only be lruly engaged wilh il il il
is yours. ll you are lrying lo live up lo someone else's idea
ol who you should be, you are bound lo have some
unconscious resislanceunless your vision lor yoursell
exaclly coincides wilh lheirs. Ownership is also aboul
being able lo bring lhe goal aboul by your own aclions.
ll would be poinlless lo sel "winning lhe lollery"
as a goal, because once you have boughl a lickel, lhe
oulcome is enlirely oul ol your hands. Whal answers do
you gel lo lhese queslions.
º Whal can l do lo bring lhis goal aboul by my own
º Whal can l do lo inluence lhe oulcome?
º Whal do l need lo do lo achieve lhis goal?
W¬5pecify What and When
Now you need lo make sure your goal is expressed
precisely, because whalever you ask lor is exaclly whal
your unconscious mind will work lo provide lor you. Delne
lhe goal so lhal bolh your inlellecl and your unconscious
mind know exaclly whal you wanl and begin lo work
cooperalively lo gel il lor you.
º Make sure lhe goal is quanlilable
º Whal will be dillerenl when you have your goal?
Taking money as an example, "l wanl lo be richer" is nol a
well-lormed goal. How much richer? Whal lorm will lhal
weallh be in? ll your goal is lo have a cerlain income, is
lhal aller laxes or belore? ll your goal is lo buy a new
house, where will lhal house be? How many rooms? Whal
crileria will lhe localion have lo salisly? Wrile all lhese
poinls down. Then make a sensory image ol your goal.
ln your imaginalion, pul
yoursell in lhe silualion ol
having lhe goal. See il
lhrough your own eyes, as
vividly as you can.
8e careful what you
wish for.
Jradilioual Chiuese sayiug
CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
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Make sure lhal you have delailed and salislaclory answers
lo all ol lhe lollowing queslions, and lhal you have a clear
piclure ol your goal in your mind's
eye. lill in colors, sounds, and
scenls as you go.
º Where are you?
º Who else is lhere?
º Whal are you doing?
º Whal do you see, hear, leel,
lasle, and smell now lhal you
have your goal?
This delailed visualizalion perlorms lhree lunclions. ll
brings lhe menlal image ol your goal lo lile in a way lhal
words on lheir own never could, so you begin lo gel lhe
emolional response lhal is essenlial lor molivalion. ll gives
your unconscious mind a sensory-rich lemplale, so lhal il
has a very delnile largel lo aim al. And il gives you
inlormalion aboul whal lile will be like when you have
achieved your goal, so lhal you can make any adjuslmenls
you need lo make sure lhal lhis is whal you really wanl.
ll ND A POUTL TO SUCCLSSlUL COAL S
As you vork Iovard your
goaI, use Ihis exercise
reguIarIy Io check your
E.e|, çoa| ueeds au "ac||e.e
b," da¦e. l¦ ,ou do uo¦ se¦ a
da¦e, ,ou| çoa| w||| a|wa,s
|era|u |u ¦|e ¦u¦u|e.
1 'e¦ a ¦a|çe¦ da¦e ¦o| ,ou| çoa|.
2 C|oose se.e|a| da¦es be¦weeu
uow aud ¦|e da¦e ,ou |a.e se¦,
aud w||¦e ¦|er |u ,ou| p|auue|.
3 Cu eac| o¦ ¦|ese s¦açed da¦es,
as| ,ou|se|¦ w|a¦ ,ou |a.e doue
¦o çe¦ c|ose| ¦o ,ou| çoa|, aud
w||¦e dowu w|a¦ ,ou |a.e
a||ead, ac||e.ed.
4 l¦ ,ou ¦ud ¦|a¦ ,ou a|e ||¦¦|uç
¦|e se¦ da¦es w|¦|ou¦ ra||uç
p|oç|ess, ra|e a de¦a||ed c|ec|
o¦ ,ou| ro¦|.a¦|ou. ,ou ra, be
sabo¦aç|uç ,ou| owu p|oç|ess.
1he more
distinct a
goaI is, the
simpIer it wiII
be to achieve
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E¬Consider All the Effects
Allhough your goal may be aboul a parlicular area ol your
lile, il will allecl olher areas. Consider lhe consequences
ol achieving your goal lor every olher area ol your lile,
when you have, you can be sure you really wanl il.
WhaI viII iI cosI you Io achieve Ihe goaI? Somelimes
lhere are cosls lo achieving a goal, in lerms ol lime, ellorl,
or whal you will have lo give up. Ask lhese queslions lo
make sure your goal is worlh lhe sacrilces.
º Whal will happen when l have il?
º Whal won'l happen when l have il?
º Are lhere any downsides lo achieving il?
WhaI are Ihe vider effecIs of achieving your goaI?
Any signilcanl goal will have an impacl on lhe balance ol
your lilelhink lhis lhrough now lo avoid unloreseen
consequences laler.
º How will lhis goal allecl lhe people l care aboul?
º How will lhis goal allecl lhe wider communilies ol
which l am a parl?
Ka|| was ¦o¦a||, ¦ocused ou bu||d|uç
||s ce|| p|oue |e¦a|| bus|uess,
se¦¦|uç a çoa| ¦o becore a
r||||oua||e be¦o|e |e was 30. Fe
succeeded-bu¦ |e wo||ed suc|
|ouç |ou|s ¦o ac||e.e |¦ ¦|a¦ ||s
|e|a¦|ous||p was |u ¦|oub|e, aud |e
was |u dauçe| o¦ bu|u|uç ou¦. w|eu
a c|ec|up |e.ea|ed a |ea|¦ ru|ru|,
|e |e|uc¦au¦|, beçau ¦o de|eça¦e
sore o¦ ||s wo|||oad aud se¦
as|de sore ¦|re ¦o| e·e|c|se. !o ||s
su|p||se, e.eu w|¦| ||s uew wo||
CA5E study: Finding a Life Balance
|ab|¦s, ||s bus|uess cou¦|uued ¦o
ç|ow, a|¦|ouç| a¦ a ro|e rode|a¦e
aud sus¦a|uab|e pace.
º |n ba|anc|nç h|: |||e be||er, rar|
|earned |o enjoy |||e and,
:u||er|nç |e:: |rom :|re::, wa:
ea:|er |o be around. A||houçh h|:
re|a||on:h|p d|d no| :urv|ve, h|:
qua|||y o| |||e d|d |mprove.
º |e |ound h|: |ncrea:ed men|a|
a|er|ne:: he|ped h|m |o come up
w||h more or|ç|na| bu:|ne:: |dea:.
CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
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Hov much do you vanI Ihis goaI? ll you are nol
commilled lo your goal, you will nol achieve il. ll you leel
doubl, your unconscious may be lelling you lhal
somelhing needs more allenlion.
º How do l leel aboul lhis goal?
º Do l wanl il !00 percenl?
º Does my energy increase when l lhink aboul il?
ll you answered "no" lo any queslion, adjusl lhe goal unlil
you leel enlhusiaslic aboul il.
R¬Ensure that the Route ls Known
Al lhis slage, il is enough lo have a leeling lhal lhe goal is
possible. How you gel lhere will be easier lo work oul
laler, aller you have placed lhe goal in your lulure.
º Has anyone else achieved lhis goal? Then why nol you?
º Who can assisl you in gelling lhere?
ll no one has achieved a similar goal belore.
º Whal resources do you have lhal will help?
º Whal addilional resources do you need?
º Whal can you learn lrom any previous allempls?
Once your goal meels lhe P.O.W.L.P. crileria, you are
ready lo inslall il inlo your lulure.
ll ND A POUTL TO SUCCLSSlUL COAL S
1hink about what you will learn and how you
will grow in the journey toward your goal, as well as
the beneñts when you have achieved it.
/ssur|uç ¦|a¦ ouce ,ou |a.e ¦|e
çoa|, ||¦e w||| be pe|¦ec¦
Couceu¦|a¦|uç pu|e|, ou ¦|e
ad.au¦açes o¦ ¦|e çoa|
lçuo||uç au, doub¦s cor|uç ¦|or
,ou| uucousc|ous
/u¦|c|pa¦|uç |ow ¦|e çoa| w|||
¦ee| w|eu ,ou ac||e.e |¦
Loo||uç |ea||s¦|ca||, a¦ au,
d|sad.au¦açes |¦ ra, |a.e
C|ec||uç ,ou| uucousc|ous ¦o|
au, ueça¦|.e s|çua|s
Looking ahead to Your Goal
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CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
5ummary: 5et
POWERful Goals
Coals give you direclion
and purpose. They help you
idenlily and locus on your
priorilies, a vilal process il
you are lo know where you
wanl lo go in your lile and
whal sleps you need lo
lake lo gel lhere. 8ul il is
imporlanl lo choose and
delne your goals wilh care,
weak, hazy, or negalive
goals merely give lhe
impression ol lorward
movemenland can
obslrucl your progress.
The P.O.W.L.P. checklisl
which slands lor Posilivily,
Ownership, Whal/When,
Lllecls, and Poulewill help
you lurn vague wanls and
desires inlo delnile, locused,
and achievable goals.
1hink about the koute
^sk yourselí whal resources
you ueed lo achieve lhe goal
0wn ¥our CoaIs
Check lhal you wish lo
achieve each goal íor your
owu sake, uol íor auyoue else
Consider AII the Lffects
^sk yourselí whal il will
cosl lo achieve each goal
Specify What and When
visualize yourselí haviug
achieved each goal-lhis will
help you deíue il uore clearly
1hink PositiveIy
Euvisiou a sel oí goals lhal
show you where you waul
lo be iu lhe íulure
Plan of Action
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SUMMAPY. SLT POWLPlUL COAL S
^sk yourselí who cau assisl
you iu achieviug lhe goal
1hink about the koute
^sk yourselí whal you cau
learu írou auy previous
alleupls lo achieve lhe goal
^sk yourselí whal you cau
do lo briug each goal aboul
by your owu aclious
^sk yourselí how you cau
iuNueuce eveuls lhal are
oulside your direcl coulrol
Jhiuk aboul lhe wider eííecls
oí achieviug each goal
Consider AII the Lffects
^sk yourselí how uuch you
really waul each goal
|or each goal, speciíy
exaclly whal will be
diííereul wheu il has beeu
Specify What and When
Sel speciíc dales íor
achieviug each goal
Reuove or rephrase auy goals
lhal iuclude uegalive words
such as "uol" or "dou'l"
Eusure goals uove loward
whal you waul, uol jusl
away írou whal you dou'l
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Place the Goal in Your Future
Nov IhaI your goaI is deñned, you need Io insIaII iI inIo
your fuIure. To do Ihis, you need Io ñnd ouI vhich
direcIion in your percepIuaI space signiñes "fuIure" Io
you, Io engage your vhoIe brain in Ihe goaI insIaIIaIion.
Help Your Unconscious to Organize Iime
8ecause we can'l see lime, we lend lo use spalial
melaphors lo lhink and lalk aboul il. We use expressions
like "lhe dislanl pasl," "lhe shorl lerm," and "lhe lar
lulure." The idea ol lime as being a linear sequence ol
evenls, in which one momenl lollows anolher, will leel
quile lamiliar lo you. This is how your unconscious mind
organizes your pasl memoriesevenls lhal happened a
long lime ago leel larlher away lhan somelhing lhal
happened yeslerday, and lwo hundred years in lhe lulure
is "a long way oll" compared lo your plans lor lomorrow.
You also lalk aboul lime as having a parlicular direclion
relalive lo your viewpoinllor example, "l've pul il behind
me," or "l'm looking lorward lo lhe summer." You are
used lo seeing graphs where lime goes lrom lell lo righl
along lhe lower axisil you saw one wilh lhe lulure
moving loward you, or wilh lime moving lrom righl lo lell,
il would appear slrange lo you because lime would appear
lo be "shilling" in lhe wrong direclion.
Looking at ¥our 1imeIine
Jhiuk aboul how you
visualize liue, aud your
owu posiliouiug ou your
liueliue. Jwo couuou
direclious íor liueliues are
showu ou lhe leíl. |í you
are uoviug loward a
parlially achieved goal, you
are uore likely lo see
yourselí already ou lhe
liueliue's palh.
CPLATL THL Vl Sl ON YOU WANT
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PL ACL THL COAL l N YOUP lUTUPL
Choose Your Direction
Timelines mosl commonly lake one ol lwo lorms.
º The lulure is in lronl ol you, lhe pasl is behind you, and
you are slanding al "now"lhis lorm makes il easy lo
be "in lhe momenl."
º The lulure is lo your righl, lhe pasl is lo your lell, now
is a lillle in lronl ol youlhis lorm can be helplul lor
lime managemenl and punclualily issues, as you can
see where evenls are in relalion lo each olher.
These are nol lhe only possibililieslimelines have no
righl or wrong direclions. Take lhe lorm lhal comes
nalurally in a silualion, and use il in your visualizalions.
We are nol usually consciously aware ol our sense ol lhe lulure's
direclion, bul il is very easy lo discover il, and being able lo
visualize il clearly will help your lulure seem more real lo you.
Think aboul lime as being like a line, where one momenl
lollows anolher. The pasl is al one end ol lhe line, lhe lulure
al lhe olher, and "now" is somewhere in belween.
As you look al lhal line, which direclion is lhe pasl?
Which direclion is lhe lulure?
Nolice where "now" is. where you are, or ahead ol you?
Join lhe pasl, presenl, and lulure wilh a line, and nolice
where lhal line is in relalion lo you.
Whal color is your limeline? The color has no parlicular
signilcance, bul il will help you lo see lhe limeline more clearly.
Discover Your Iimeline
lf you do not see your timeline clearly, it
does not matter, provided you have a sense of which
direction the future is in, and where "now" is.
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Nake Your Goal Compelling
The lnal slep belore inslalling your goal is lo make your
menlal image ol lhe goal as vivid as possible. You wanl a
piclure lhal is so compelling lhal il pulls you loward il
wilhoul your having lo lry lo molivale yoursell. To do lhis,
lune up lhe image lo appeal lo all ol your senses.
º Turn up lhe visual qualilies ol lhe image. Make il vivid
and compelling bul nol garish, as il has lo remain
realislic lo maximize ils emolional impacl. Then slep
inlo il (il you are nol lhere already) so lhal you are
seeing il as il you were really lhere.
º Turn up lhe sound and lhe sensalions. Whal do you
hear? Whal does il leel like lo have achieved your
goaland lo know you deserved il? Make any lnal
adjuslmenls lhal you need lo, and lurn up lhose good
leelings even more.
º Now slep back oul ol lhe piclure. ll you slayed in il,
you could daydream aboul lhe goal lorever wilhoul
doing anylhing aboul il. Slepping oul reminds you lhal
you are nol lhere yeland you have lo make lhings
happen in lhe real world in order lo gel lhere.
Use your timeIine as a tooI
in this effective technique
for fast reIaxation
You s|ou|d ¦ud ¦|a¦ |¦ w||| |e|p
,ou ¦o ¦a|e ,ou|se|¦ ou¦ o¦
uucor¦o|¦ab|e ero¦|ous, aud
w||| ç|.e ,ou sore pe|spec¦|.e |¦
,ou ueed ¦o ra|e a ¦ouç|
1 C|ose ,ou| e,es aud becore
awa|e o¦ ,ou| ¦|re||ue.
2 /||ow ,ou|se|¦ ¦o ¦oa¦ abo.e
"uow," o| |e¦ ¦|e ¦|re||ue s|u|
awa, beuea¦| ,ou.
3 f|oa¦ up uu¦|| ,ou |eac| a
|e|ç|¦ a¦ w||c| ,ou a|e
4 No¦|ce |ow ,ou ¦ee| ¦oa¦|uç
abo.e ¦|e ¦|re||ue, corpa|ed
¦o be|uç a¦ ¦|re||ue |e.e|.
5 w|eu ,ou ¦ee| |e|a·ed, ¦oa¦
dowu aud opeu ,ou| e,es.
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See ¥curseIf in the
Ficture ^s you look
al your iuage oí lhe
goal, you should íeel a
poweríul uolivaliug
pull lo gel lhere.
Specify Whc Is 1here
with ¥cu Seeiug who
will be wilh you iu your
íulure will iucrease your
euolioual couuecliou
wilh lhe goal.
Make Sure the
Ficture Is 8right ^ big,
brighl, coupelliug iuage
will eugage your hearl as
well as your iulellecl.
Creating ¥cur Visicn
Lxperiencing your goal as il il has already happened makes
il real lo you and slrenglhens your leeling lhal il is nol
only possible, bul is delnilely going lo happen.
lf your goal is not motivating enough, make
sure that it meets all the P.0.W.£.k. criteria and
experiment with making it more vivid.
PL ACL THL COAL l N YOUP lUTUPL
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lnstall Your Goal
"Planling" a goal inlo your lulure limeline makes il parl ol
lhe landscape ol your unconscious mind, and will give you
a leeling ol cerlainly lhal your goal is going lo happen
your unconscious will lreal il as lhough il already has.
The inslallalion can be a very powerlul process emolionally,
which has lhe benell ol embedding your goal slrongly in
your memory and your lhoughls. Make sure lhal your goal
meels lhe P.O.W.L.P. crileria and is as vivid as possible
belore you inslall il.
Combine Your Conscious and Unconscious
The process is designed lo work on bolh a conscious and
an unconscious level. You may lnd lhal ideas and images
aboul how lo achieve lhe goal slarl coming lo you eilher
during lhe inslallalion process or shorlly allerward. Any
rilual consislenl wilh your beliel syslem lhal you wish lo
perlorm belore lhe inslallalion, such as saying a prayer or
brealhing lile inlo lhe piclure ol your goal, can only help
lo make lhe process more signilcanl lor you.
¥ou may hnd that ñoating your goaI into your
timeIine-an equaIIy vaIid aIternative method-
works better for you.
'ore peop|e ¦ud ¦||s .a||a¦|ou ou ¦|e p|ocess desc||bed
oppos|¦e |s au eas|e| wa, ¦o |us¦a|| ¦|e|| çoa| |u¦o ¦|e|| ¦u¦u|e.
1 f|oa¦ ¦o|wa|d abo.e ¦|e ¦|re||ue |u¦o ¦|e ¦u¦u|e, ca||,|uç
,ou| çoa| w|¦| ,ou.
2 Re|ease ¦|e çoa| abo.e ¦|e ¦a|çe¦ da¦e. Le¦ |¦ ¦oa¦ dowu
|u¦o ¦|e ¦|re||ue aud erbed |¦se|¦ as pa|¦ o¦ ,ou| ¦u¦u|e.
3 f|oa¦ bac| ¦o uow, wa¦c||uç e.eu¦s be¦weeu uow aud ¦|e
¦a|çe¦ da¦e |ea||çu|uç ¦|erse|.es ¦o |e|p ,ou |eac| ,ou| çoa|.
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¥ou can foIIow this process on your own or, even better, get
a friend to guide you through each step, Ieaving you free to
experience your thoughts and feeIings as you go.
8elore you slarl, lay your limeline oul on lhe loor, making sure
you have enough space lo lake a slep beyond lhe poinl lhal
represenls lhe dale by which you are going lo achieve your goal.
Pul your image ol your goal inlo an imaginary lrame, and as
you hold il, slep onlo lhe limeline, lacing lhe lulure.
Walk along lhe limeline inlo lhe lulure, carrying your goal.
Slop when lhe goal is direclly above lhe largel dale.
Lel go ol lhe goal and allow il lo sellle inlo your limeline.
Slep lorward inlo lhe goal and experience il lullyallow
yoursell lo leel lhe sense ol achievemenl.
Take a slep beyond your goal and lurn around so lhal you are
looking back al lhe successlul achievemenl ol your goal. You
may nolice lhal lhe evenls leading up lo lhe achievemenl
realign lhemselves lo supporl lhe achievemenl. Whal advice
do you have lor lhe "you" back al "now"?
Pelurn lo "now" along lhe limeline, and look inlo lhe lulure. You
will have a sense ol knowing lhal lhe goal is going lo happen.
PL ACL THL COAL l N YOUP lUTUPL
Placing Your Goal in Your Iimeline
Now Jargel 0ale |ulure
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Now lhal you have sel your goals, you have
lo gel oul lhere and make lhem happen!
This can seem daunlingunless you clearly
idenlily polenlial roules lo your goal, and
lake sleps lo saleguard your energy and
commilmenl along lhe way. This seclion
shows you.
º Why il is imporlanl lo wrile your goals
down and make a public commilmenl
º Slralegies lor lreeing up your energy and
gelling slarled
º How lo creale a delailed roule lo your goal
º How lo slay molivaled and learn lrom
º The benells ol looking beyond malerial
and perlormance goals
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5witch Off Your Autopilot
The resulls we gel come lrom lhe way in which our aclions
work wilh our environmenl (lhe people around us, lhe
resources available lo us, and rules and expeclalions ol
sociely). We cannol conlrol our
environmenl, bul we are able lo
choose our aclions. So when you
change your aclions, your resulls
change (nol always prediclably,
which is why you need lo monilor
lhe resulls closely and make lurlher
changes il you need lo). Mosl ol
your behavior happens on
aulopilol, wilhoul conscious
analysis. This works well on a day-lo-day level, since you
would never have lime lo lhink lhrough every single
decision consciously. However, il presenls a challenge
when you wanl lo change your behavior.
5tay Focused
Making behavioral change happen is ollen compared lo
lhe process ol lurning an oil lanker around. Old habils
have lheir own momenlum. They will reasserl lhemselves
as soon as your allenlion wanders, unlil your new habils
have had lime lo become eslablished. Pemember lhal you
need lo keep your goals al lhe lorelronl ol your mind.
Nake Your Goals Happen
Even afIer your goaIs have been seI, iI's imporIanI Io
pIan your rouIe Io Ihem in manageabIe sIeps Io ensure
IhaI you don'I become discouraged by Ihe Iask. This
secIion shovs you hov Io Iurn your ideas inIo reaIiIy.
0ne of the illusions of life is that the present hour is
not the critical, decisive hour. Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day of the year.
Ralph waldo Euersou
It takes at
Ieast 21 days
to estabIish a
new habit
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Change can happen sooner than you expect. It does take
time and effort, but you can make it a Iot easier by doing it
the smart way rather than the hard way.
WriIe your goaIs dovn. When you wrile your goals down,
lhey become more real lhan when you only lhink aboul lhem,
or even lalk aboul lhem. Wriling lhe goals lxes lhem in your
memory and slops lhem lrom changing or lading away.
As you wrile your goals, you aclivale lhe prelronlal corlex
a parl ol your brain lhal deals wilh expeclalions, decision-
making, and choicemaking you more able lo nolice and
change habilual behaviors.
PuI your goaIs vhere you viII see Ihem every day. Hang
lhem on your bedroom wall, so lhal lhey are lhe lrsl lhing
you see when you wake up, pin lhem in lronl ol your desk al
work, or have lhem as a slarl-up message or screensaver on
your compuler. Have lhem accessible al all limes.
Make a pubIic commiImenI Io your goaIs. This lakes your
goals anolher slep along lhe road lrom idea lo realily. People
are social animals, and you probably do care whal olher
people lhink aboul lhem. Use lhal characlerislic lo help your
molivalion by lelling people you lrusl and whose opinion you
value aboul your goals.
Changing Your Behavior
!|,|uç-aud ¦a|||uç-¦o ra|e
¦|e jou|ue, ou ,ou| owu
w||¦|uç ,ou| çoa|s dowu, ¦|eu
pu¦¦|uç ¦|er awa, |u a d|awe|
Keep|uç ,ou| çoa|s ¦o ,ou|se|¦
aud çua|d|uç ¦|er as ,ou| sec|e¦
!ear|uç up w|¦| a çoa|·se¦¦|uç
pa|¦ue| ¦o p|o.|de suppo|¦
Keep|uç ,ou| çoa|s .|s|b|e, aud
c|ec||uç ¦|er e.e|, ¦ew da,s
0|scuss|uç ,ou| çoa|s w|¦|
¦||euds aud co||eaçues
lmplementing Change
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Remember that You Have a Choice
ln weslern socielies, many people have had everylhing
done lor lhem as children, and had lillle early lraining in
laking responsibilily. During lhe leenage years, simple
chores like doing lhe dishes become balllegrounds in lhe
slruggle lor an independenl idenlily. As an adull, lhis
background can leave you wilh a leeling ol resenlmenl ol
any lask you "have" lo do. Lven il lhe lask is a vilal slep
on lhe way lo somelhing you really wanl, you may lnd
yoursell doing il hall-hearledly while inwardly complaining.
To gel around lhis allilude, remind
yoursell lhal you are choosing
your course ol aclion. No one else
is going lo slep in and do il lor
you. Do il gladly because il will
lake you closer lo your goals.
5tay on Irack
Displacemenl aclivilies are whal
you do lo avoid lackling some
olher more imporlanl lask lo
which you have an unconscious
resislance. An example mighl be
checking your emails when you
have a crucial reporl lo wrile. The
displacemenl aclivily is an allempl
lo reduce slress. ll does nol work,
because al lhe back ol your mind
is lhe nagging leeling lhal lhere is
somelhing else you should be
doing. You will lnd lhal lhe besl
way lo reduce your slress levels
is lo gel slarled on your mosl
imporlanl lask righl away.
If you reach impasse
on a task on the
way to your goaI,
use this prompt.
!|e auswe|s |er|ud
,ou w|, ,ou ueed ¦o
ac¦ aud s|ou|d çe¦ ,ou
bac| ou ¦|ac| ¦as¦.
w|a¦ pa|¦ does ¦||s
¦as| p|a, |u r, p|au1
lu w|a¦ wa, does |¦
b||uç re c|ose| ¦o
r, çoa|1
v|sua||.e ,ou| çoa|
cor|uç c|ose| as ,ou
corp|e¦e ¦|e ¦as|,
¦|eu çe¦ s¦|a|ç|¦ bac|
¦o wo||.
Walk like someone who is conñdent. lt will
change how you feel.
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Straighten up
Slaudiug up wilh arus
oulspread, you'll íud il
easier lo access posilive
lhoughls aud excileueul.
Lcck up |l is hard lo
íeel uuhappy, low euergy
slales wheu you are
lookiug íorward aud oul
al lhe world.
1hink Fcsitive Keep
lhe saue posiliou aud lel
exciliug lhoughls Now
lhrough you. Experieuce
lheu íully íor a uiuule.
6ive ¥curseIf an £nergy 8ccst
Our lhoughls and emolions inluence lhe physical syslems
ol lhe bodyand vice versa. ll you sland slumped over,
gazing al your shoes, you will lnd il hard lo lhink
posilivelybul lhe reverse is also lrue. Whal is your
normal poslure like, and how has il been inluencing how
you leel? Whal changes will you make lrom now on?
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Focus on Your Desired Outcome
MosI Ihings become easier vhen you focus on Ihe end
resuII, raIher Ihan on Ihe sIog of geIIing Ihere-iI
moves your vay of Ihinking from passive Io acIive, and
cIoser Io being aI Ihe Cause end of Ihe specIrum.
5tay Clear about Your Goal
ll you are working loward a long-lerm goal or goals, you
may lnd lhal, over lime, your locus gels blunled a lillle. ll
you discuss your goals wilh olhers, lhey may nol always be
supporlive, olher oulside laclors may raise doubls in your
mind, and evenlually your delerminalion may begin lo lail.
You can slop lhis lrom happening along lhe way lo your
goal by mainlaining a conslanl process ol assessmenl.
Lven il your goal remains conslanl, olher lhings
your personal circumslances or relalionships, or lhe
circumslances ol people close lo youmay change. Jusl
because you may need lo reconsider lhe roule lo your
goal, lhough, don'l laller, or lose locus. Co calmly back
K|r, a ra||e¦|uç rauaçe|, ¦ouud
|¦ |a|d ¦o spea| up |u |rpo|¦au¦
ree¦|uçs because s|e ¦e|¦ se|¦·
cousc|ous. Ye¦ |u o¦|e| a|eas o¦
|e| wo|| s|e was cou¦deu¦ aud
¦ocused. '|e |ea||.ed ¦|a¦ s|e was
ço|uç |u¦o eac| ree¦|uç w|¦|ou¦ a
c|ea| |dea o¦ w|a¦ s|e wau¦ed ¦|or
|¦, e.eu ¦|ouç| ¦|e dec|s|ous ¦o be
rade wou|d |a.e a rajo| |rpac¦
ou |e| p|ojec¦s. /¦¦e| d|scuss|uç ¦|e
|ssue w|¦| |e| coac|, s|e dec|ded
¦o çe¦ c|ea| be¦o|e eac| ree¦|uç
ou ¦|e wa, s|e wau¦ed |¦ ¦o ço.
lu ¦|e ue·¦ ree¦|uç, K|r ¦ouud
CA5E study: 5peaking Up in Neetings
|e|se|¦ spea||uç up ¦o |u¦ueuce
¦|e ou¦core w|¦|ou¦ e.eu ¦||u||uç
abou¦ |¦.
º becau:e :he now had a de:|red
ou|come |n m|nd, r|m´: a||en||on
wa: d|rec|ed ou|:|de her:e|| |n
order |o ´read´ |he mood o| |he
o|her par||c|pan|:, ra|her |han
|nward |o dwe|| on her :en:e o|
º 5he beçan |o |nd |ha| even
ou|:|de wor|, peop|e |oo|ed |o
her a: a |eader |n mo:| çroup: |n
wh|ch :he |ound her:e||.
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over lhe sleps lo your goal and see il any ol lhem need lo
change lo lake accounl ol olher changes.
Work Backward
Lven when people have sel
a compelling goal lor
lhemselves, lhey may
slruggle wilh knowing
where lo slarl. Ol all lhe
possible aclions lhal lie
belore you, which slep
should you lake lrsl? When
you inslalled your goal on
lhe limeline, some ol lhe
mileslones along lhe way lo
your goal may have popped
inlo your mind as you
walked back lo "now." To
be sure you are clear aboul
lhe besl palh lo your goal,
use lhe more lell-brained
approach shown in lhe
lowcharl on lhe righl. ll is
based on lhe principle lhal
you will lnd il easier lo
eslablish lhe roule lo your
goal when you slarl lrom
where you wanl lo be, and
work backward. 8esl ol all,
il ollers you a clear palh ol
aclion so lhal you know nol
only whal comes lrsl, bul
whal comes nexl, loo.
lOCUS ON YOUP DLSl PLD OUTCOML
lncrease your emotional engagement with
each step along the way by asking yourself, "What
does this step mean to me7"
MiIestones to ¥our CoaI
Jake a large sheel oí paper
aud wrile your goal al lhe
righl·haud edge. |uagiue lhal you
have already achieved your goal.
^sk yourselí whal coudilious
ueeded lo be iu place beíore lhis
goal happeued iu order íor il lo be
achieved. wrile each coudiliou lo
lhe leíl oí lhe goal.
0raw arrows joiuiug lhe coudilious
lo lhe goal. Jreal each oí lhese
coudilious as lhe resull oí soue
olher previous coudilious.
^sk "whal coudilious ueeded lo
be iu place iu order íor lhis lo
happeu1" wrile lheu iu lheir
appropriale places lo lhe leíl oí
lhe resulls.
Keep workiug backward uulil
you arrive al your írsl slep.
You uow have lhe esseulial
"uilesloues" aloug lhe way
lo your goal.
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Play to Your 5trengths
Nobody can be a sIar aI everyIhing. Trying Io foIIov
someone eIse's formuIa for success can mean ve Iry
Io become someIhing ve are noI, and Ihen bIame
ourseIves vhen Ihe formuIa Iurns ouI noI Io suiI us.
5tay Aware
Pemedying any gaps in your skills lhal hold you back, and
lacing lhe challenges ol learning new ways ol behaving
can be exlremely uselulbul il lhal is all lhal you do, lile
will be a conslanl round ol hard work, and you may lnd
your molivalion ebbing. Adaplalion inevilably lakes
energy, lo make your palh lo success suslainable, you also
need lo play lo your slrenglhs by using whal you are
nalurally good al. The beller you know yoursell and lhe
ways in which you are likely lo respond in any silualion,
lhe easier il will be lo choose lhe palh lhal works lor you.
º Nolice which aspecls ol gelling lo your goal enlhuse
you, and which are more ol a chore. ll you can, lnd
ways lo make lhe chores easier by delegaling lhem lo
someone else who is good al lhem. Pemember, you are
nol required lo do everylhing yoursell.
Make sure lhal all lhe aclions necessary lo achieve your
goal are covered, by someone else il nol by youlhe
lemplalion could be lo neglecl lhe ones lhal don'l
come nalurally lo you.
Loo||uç ou|, a¦ ¦|ose ¦as|s ¦|a¦
,ou a|e cou¦deu¦ ,ou cau do
Re¦us|uç ¦o de|eça¦e au, jobs
wo|||uç ou a |os¦ o¦ ¦as|s
s|ru|¦aueous|, aud ¦a|||uç ¦o
eujo, au, o¦ ¦|er
fac|uç up ¦o a|| ¦|e ¦as|s ¦|a¦
rus¦ be doue ¦o| ,ou ¦o ac||e.e
,ou| çoa|
0e|eça¦|uç w|e|e uecessa|,
!a||uç ou ¦|ose ¦as|s ¦o| w||c|
,ou |a.e a ua¦u|a| ab|||¦, aud
eujo,|uç wo|||uç ou ¦|er
Using Help Effectively
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When your seIf-knowIedge is strong, you become Iess IikeIy
to sabotage your efforts unconsciousIy, because you are
famiIiar with how you think and operate. Use these
questions to Iearn more about yourseIf.
Do you recharge your energies
by going ouI viIh IoIs of
peopIe, or by reIaxing on your
ovn or viIh a cIose friend or
parIner? ll lhe answer is "lols ol
people," your palh lo your goals
needs lo include plenly ol
opporlunilies lor socializing or
working in a group lo keep your
energy levels high. ll lhe olher oplion appeals more, make
sure you build in some "me" lime in which you can reslore
your energy.
Hov do you knov you are doing a good job? Do you
"jusl know" or do you need lo hear il lrom olher people? ll
you need lols ol leedback, consider where you will be gelling
lhis lrom on lhe way lo your goalil you don'l gel enough,
you may slarl lo doubl your own abililies, and lhis doubl will
in lurn dilule lhe ellorl lhal you are pulling in and make il
harder lor you lo reach your goal. ll you "jusl know," you may
wanl lo sound oul a second opinion occasionally lo gel a
balanced view ol your progress, and lo ensure lhal you slay
on lrack and lhal your vision ol lhe end goal remains clear.
Are you more aI ease viIh deIaiIs, or viIh Ihe big
picIure? ll you are a delail person, you may need deliberalely
lo remind yoursell ol your ullimale goal lrom lime lo lime so
you don'l gel losl in lhe lrivia ol day-lo-day living, and mired
down in lhe minuliae ol everyday lile. ll you are more
inleresled in lhe big piclure, il may be wise lo enlisl lhe help
ol someone else lo check lhe delails lor you in case you have
missed somelhing.
Raise Your 5elf-Awareness
1here may be
paths to the
same goaI
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Deal with Overload
5omeIimes Ihere jusI seems Io be Ioo much Io do, and
big projecIs can seem overvheIming. If you have
foIIoved Ihe previous guideIines, Ihis shouIdn'I happen
ofIen, buI here's hov Io deaI viIh iI vhen iI does.
Don't Do too Nuch
ll you have loo many projecls going al once, you will have
lo make some choices aboul which ones you are going lo
complele, and which you wanl lo pul on lhe back burner.
Peler back lo your "six year, lhree year, one year" goal
sheel lo remind you ol your priorilies. Cel inlo lhe habil ol
saying no lo any new projecls unlil you have your currenl
commilmenls under conlrol. ll a lask seems loo big and
overwhelming lo gel slarled, break il down inlo smaller
lasks unlil you reach a size lhal you are comlorlable wilh.
Keep your end goal in mind
and remember lhal each
smaller lask is anolher slep
loward il.
Manage ¥cur Frcject Break big
lasks dowu as ií you were buildiug a
house-divide lheu iulo uauageable
slages aud deal wilh lheu oue by oue.
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Get Ihings in Perspective
Use your limeline lo help you pul
your work inlo perspeclive and
gain an overall locus on whal you
have lo do. Menlally, lay your
limeline oul on lhe loor, wilh lhe
projecl slarl and end dales marked
oul on il. Slep away lrom your
limeline and give yoursell enough
dislance lo see lhe lask in lhe conlexl ol lhe lime belore il
slarled and lhe lime aller il is complele. This will give you
a more accurale perspeclive on il and reduce your leelings
ol "overwhelm" unlil you have your currenl commilmenls
under conlrol, and have lime lo lhink aboul whelher you
have lhe space lo lake on more.
DLAL Wl TH OVLPLOAD
Leave some uncommitted "contingency time"
for things you have overlooked or that need ñxing
unexpectedly¬don't ñll your schedule completely.
Use a system that works for
getting things done: Iearn
not to procrastinate.
w|eu ,ou ¦a|| ¦o ¦a|e ac¦|ou, |¦'s
usua||, because ,ou dou'¦ wau¦
¦o ¦a|e ou a c|o|e. You uo¦|ce
¦|a¦ a c|o|e ueeds do|uç, ¦||u|
abou¦ |ow bo||uç do|uç |¦ w|||
be, dec|de uo¦ ¦o do |¦ ,e¦, ¦|eu
ço a|ouud ¦|e sare |oop uu¦||
,ou cau'¦ pu¦ o¦¦ do|uç |¦ au,
|ouçe|. !||s ¦a|es ro|e eue|ç,
¦|au do|uç |¦ ||ç|¦ awa,. use
¦||s ¦ec|u|que w|eue.e| ,ou ¦ee|
,ou|se|¦ beç|u ¦o p|oc|as¦|ua¦e.
1 !a|e ,ou| |eas¦ ¦a.o||¦e c|o|e.
2 lraç|ue |ow çood ¦||uçs w|||
be w|eu ,ou |a.e corp|e¦ed
¦|e ¦as|, aud |ow çood ,ou
w||| ¦ee| as a |esu|¦.
3 Keep|uç ¦||s |raçe |u r|ud,
ç|.e ¦.e r|uu¦es o¦ ,ou| ¦u||
a¦¦eu¦|ou ¦o ¦|e ¦as| aud see
|ow ¦a| ,ou çe¦.
keep your
IeveIs in mind
at aII times
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5ummary: Naking Goals Happen
Achieving your goals lakes commilmenl and locusbul wilh
a properly planned roule and realislic, manageable slages,
lhe process should nol leel loo overwhelming. Play lo your
slrenglhs, bul don'l neglecl lhe less enjoyable sleps or slages
along lhe way, wilh oulside help, advice, or lraining, you can
almosl always overcome any personal limilalions. ll you
make a slarl, everylhing else will soon lall inlo place.
Plan of Action
Jake respousibilily íor your
goals-reuiud yourselí lhal
you have choseu lhese goals
focus on ¥our CoaIs
wrile your goals dowu aud
íx lheu iu your uiud
wrile dowu oue oí your
goals ou lhe righl·haud side
oí a large piece oí paper
Work through the Stages
Slarliug wilh lhe goal aud
workiug backward, ideuliíy
each slep ueeded lo reach il
visualize lhe liueliue laid oul
ou lhe Noor aud "slep back"
lo gaiu a wider perspeclive
ßeaI with 0verIoad
0ou'l do loo uuch al ouce-
say uo lo uew projecls uulil
curreul oues are uuder coulrol
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SUMMAPY. MAKl NC COAL S HAPPLN
Keep your goals where you
cau see lheu every day
Make a public couuilueul-
lell soueoue you lrusl or
leau up wilh a parluer
|deuliíy lhe sleps lhal you'll
eujoy or íud easy aud lhose
lhal you'll íud uore diíícull
|ace up lo lhe weaker areas-
eilher delegale or lake sleps
lo reuedy your weakuesses
Break diíícull lasks dowu
iulo sualler, uore easily
uauageable slages
Make a slarl-eveu ií you cau
ouly give íve uiuules, you'll
íeel beller íor haviug slarled
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Live Up to Your 5elf-lmage
PsychoIogisIs have found IhaI peopIe Iend Io acI in Iine
viIh Iheir seIf-image. If you see yourseIf as an
achievemenI-orienIed person, you are more IikeIy Io
Iake Ihe acIions IhaI viII Iead Io achievemenI.
Nake a 5tart
You will lnd lhal as soon as you lake a small slep in lhe
direclion you wanl lo go, you will being lo see yoursell as
lhal kind ol person. lor example, il you haven'l been able
lo lace clearing oul lhe cluller in
your home, you can gel yoursell
slarled by commilling lo clearing
oul jusl one drawerand lhen
aclually doing il. This makes il
likely lhal you will go on and clear
oul more clulleril nol righl
away, lhen lhe lollowing day.
ll also gives you a relerence
experience ol keeping a
commilmenl lo yoursell, so lhal you slarl lo see yoursell
as a person who delivers on your promises. Like any olher
beliel, sell-image becomes a sell-lulllling prophecy lhal
makes il easier lo lake aclion loward your goals in lhe
lulure. The more relerence experiences you creale, lhe
more you believe in yoursell as an achiever.
Watch Yourself Change
One ol lhe ways in which many people make lhemselves
leel bad is by perpelually comparing lheir perlormance
wilh lhal ol someone else, and lnding lhemselves lacking.
A more elleclive way ol moniloring your perlormance is
lo compare where you
are now wilh where you
used lo be, and nolice
how lar you have come
and lhe progress lhal you
have made.
kather than
compare yourself with
people you admire, let
them inspire you.
0nce a start
has been
made, the job
wiII soon be
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PsychoIogists and animaI trainers have found that the most
effective way to heIp both humans and animaIs form new
habits is to reward and reinforce getting things right, rather
than punishing mistakes.
You can use lhis principle lo suslain your molivalion.
When you are learning a new skill or praclicing new behaviors,
locus on lhe improvemenls over your previous perlormance,
ralher lhan giving yoursell a hard lime aboul any mislakes or
Peward yoursell lor reaching each mileslone lo keep your
molivalion highyou do nol have lo wail unlil you've achieved
lhe lnal goal lo slarl lo leel good aboul il!
Take a momenl al lhe end ol each day lo nolice whal has
happened lo bring you closer lo your goal. This provides
behavioral reinlorcemenl lo your unconscious mind, lelling il
know lhal il is on lhe righl
lrack and encouraging il lo do
more ol lhe same.
£nvisage ¥curseIf as a Winner
Piclure yourselí as a success, aud il is
uore likely lhal you will becoue oue.
Reinforce Your Notivation
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Iake Care of Yourself
The journey Io reach your goaIs may be Iong, and some
Iimes viII be easier Ihan oIhers. In order Io geI Ihere
you need Io make vise use of everyIhing you have,
especiaIIy of your mosI precious resource, your energy.
Be Kind to Your Body
You can make a dillerence lo your mood and emolional
slabilily. One ol lhe mosl elleclive ways is lo give up
collee. Calleine (also presenl in smaller doses in lea, cola,
and chocolale) mimics lhe ellecl ol adrenaline lo give you
an energy surge lollowed by a dip. This can have a roller
coasler ellecl on your emolions. Sugary loods have a
similar ellecl. ll you do decide lo reduce your calleine
levels, do il gradually, reducing your inlake in incremenls
ol one cup per day, lo avoid lhe headaches lhal somelimes
accompany an abrupl wilhdrawal.
Learn to use your
unconscious to heIp you
drop bad habits and
address their underIying
Es¦ab||s| w|a¦ pu|pose ,ou|
uucousc|ous ¦||u|s ¦|ese
be|a.|o|s a|e se|.|uç. w|eu ,ou
¦ud ¦||s, |¦ w||| be eas|e| ¦o ç|.e
¦|e |ab|¦s up.
1 C|ose ,ou| e,es, s¦||| ,ou|
r|ud, aud ca|| up au |raçe
|ep|eseu¦|uç ¦|e |ab|¦. l¦ ra,
be ¦|e ||¦¦|e .o|ce ¦|a¦ uaçs
,ou |u¦o wau¦|uç auo¦|e|
c|ça|e¦¦e, ¦o| e·arp|e.
2 !|au| ¦|e |raçe ¦o|
corruu|ca¦|uç w|¦| ,ou. l¦
,ou |a.e a d|s|||e o¦ ,ou| owu
|ab|¦, ¦||s ra, be ¦ouç|-
|ererbe|, ,ou| uucousc|ous
w|s|es ¦|e bes¦ ¦o| ,ou.
3 /s| ¦|e |raçe w|a¦ |¦ |s ¦|,|uç
¦o do ¦o| ,ou. wa|¦ ¦o| |¦s
auswe|, w||c| ra, a|||.e as a
¦|ouç|¦ o| au |raçe.
4 !||u| o¦ o¦|e| wa,s o¦
ac||e.|uç ¦|e sare eud,
w|¦|ou¦ ¦|e d|awbac|s. C|ec|
¦|a¦ ¦|e, a|e as e¦¦ec¦|.e a¦
¦u|¦|||uç ¦|e çood |u¦eu¦|ou
be||ud ¦|e bad |ab|¦.
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Learn to lnterpret Your 5ymptoms
Unheallhy lileslyles are a conlribuling laclor lo many
illnesses. Somelimes physical symploms can be early
warning signs lhal your lileslyle needs lo change. Slress
headaches may be a sign lhal you are working loo hard,
persislenl indigeslion may be indicaling lhal a change ol
diel is needed, and so on. ll you ignore lhese symploms or
simply suppress lhem wilh over-lhe-counler medicalion,
lhe warning message may be re-senl in a way lhal is
harder lo ignore. As well as consulling your physician
when symploms appear, you have nolhing lo lose by
asking yoursell (or lhe parl ol lhe body where lhe
symplom appears). "ll lhis is a message lor me, whal is il
lrying lo lell me?" When you gel an answer lhal makes
sense lo you, acl on il. ll is much beller lo make a small
adjuslmenl lo your lileslyle now, lhan lo risk a major
change lorced by illness larlher down lhe line.
TAKL CAPL Ol YOUPSLLl
us|uç qu|c| ¦·es-suça|,
ca¦¦e|ue o| u|co¦|ue-¦o
ra|u¦a|u ,ou| eue|ç, |e.e|s
lçuo||uç eue|ç, d|ps aud
wo|||uç s¦|a|ç|¦ ¦||ouç| ¦|er,
¦o ¦|e po|u¦ o¦ e·|aus¦|ou
Va|u¦a|u|uç e||a¦|c s|eep|uç
|ab|¦s, aud ¦|ea¦|uç e|¦|e|
¦||eduess o| s|eep|essuess
w|¦| red|ca¦|ou
!||u||uç |ouç·¦e|r-ea¦|uç we||
aud e·e|c|s|uç |eçu|a||, ¦o |eep
,ou| eue|ç, s¦ab|e
Recoçu|.|uç eue|ç, d|ps aud
ba|auc|uç ,ou| ac¦|.|¦|es ¦o
r|u|r|.e ¦|er
Eusu||uç ¦|a¦ ,ou cous|s¦eu¦|,
çe¦ euouç| s|eep ¦o awa|e
|e¦|es|ed eac| ro|u|uç aud
|era|u a|e|¦ ¦||ouç| ¦|e da,
Naintain Your Energy
1he name of the game is taking care of yourself,
because you're going to live long enough to wish
you had.
0race Mirabella
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Learn from Your Nistakes
UnIess you are very Iucky, noI every singIe sIep aIong
Ihe paIh Io your goaI viII go smooIhIy. DeaI viIh
misIakes and unforeseen probIems by Iooking on Ihem
as opporIuniIies from vhich you can Iearn.
Iake Problems in 5tride
When somelhing does nol lurn oul as you expecled, ask
yoursell. "Whal do l need lo learn lrom lhis?" and creale
some menlal space lor lhe answer lo come lo you. Asking
lhis queslion means lhal you will learn lrom mislakes. ll
you choose nol lo learn lrom a parlicular mislake, lile will
keep sending you more opporlunilies lo learn lhal lesson
unlil you undersland whal il is lrying lo lell you.
Remain Realistic
One sure-lre way nol lo learn lrom lhe lessons lhal lile
gives us is lo prelend lhal lhere are no problems al all.
Somelimes, when lhings are going well, il can seem as
lhough lhal is lhe case. 8ul il you believe lhal everylhing
musl be perlecl, lhe lemplalion is lo ignore any signs lhal
Stay on track and avoid unpIeasant surprises by
making a "minesweep" from time to time, to check
for anything that couId knock you off course.
!|e ¦uuc¦|ou o¦ a r|uesweep |s ¦o a|e|¦ ,ou ¦o au, c|auçed
c||curs¦auces s|uce ,ou se¦ ,ou| çoa|.
w|a¦ |as uo¦ ¦u|ued ou¦ as l e·pec¦ed1
w|a¦ do l ueed ¦o |eep au e,e ou1
w|a¦ ueeds r, a¦¦eu¦|ou ||ç|¦ uow1
w|a¦ (|¦ au,¦||uç) ar l uo¦ adr|¦¦|uç ¦o r,se|¦1
!a|e ¦|e app|op||a¦e ac¦|ou ¦o dea| w|¦| au, couce|us ¦|a¦
¦|ese ques¦|ous ||ç|||ç|¦ be¦o|e ro.|uç ou.
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il is nol. Cenerally, lhe longer a problem is lell wilhoul
being deall wilh, lhe more ellorl il lakes lo lx. The olher
drawback lo exlreme oplimism is lhal il leads lo an easily
dislurbed slale ol mind. When lhings do go wrong, il
becomes loo easy lo lake il personally, lo resenl lhe world
lor making you suller, and lo look lor olher people lo
blamenone ol which helps you lo solve lhe problem.
Accept Uncertainty
When you accepl lhal lile is nol perlecl, il becomes easier
lo see problems coming and prevenl lhem lrom
happening. ll also enables you lo learn lrom whalever
happens. Once you are conldenl lhal you will learn lrom
whalever lhe lulure brings, a lol ol lhe reasons lor
worrying aboul lhings going wrong will disappear.
LLAPN lPOM YOUP Ml STAKLS
1his is a quick way to burst
out of the "stuck" feeIing
that can happen when you
experience a setback.
l¦ |e|ps ,ou ¦o |eco.e| ,ou|
equ|||b||ur, |eça|u ,ou| cou¦|o|,
aud s¦a|¦ ro.|uç ¦o|wa|d aça|u.
1 w|a¦ s¦auds be¦weeu ,ou
aud ,ou| ue·¦ r||es¦oue1
ldeu¦|¦, as rau, e|ereu¦s o¦
¦|e p|ob|er as poss|b|e.
2 !a|e eac| e|ereu¦ aud dec|de
w|e¦|e| |¦ |s w|¦||u ,ou|
powe| ¦o ¦· |¦ o| uo¦.
3 0ec|de w|a¦ ,ou a|e ço|uç ¦o
do abou¦ eac| e|ereu¦ ¦|a¦
,ou cau ¦·-aud do |¦.
4 0oes w|a¦ |s |e¦¦ s¦||| s¦op
,ou ¦|or |eac||uç ,ou|
r||es¦oue1 l¦ |¦ does, as| ¦o|
|e|p, o| ¦a|e a d|¦¦e|eu¦ |ou¦e
¦o çe¦ ¦o ,ou| çoa|.
5 /s| ,ou|se|¦ w|a¦ ,ou ueed ¦o
|ea|u ¦|or ¦||s e·pe||euce.
lt is easy to feel good about yourself when
things are going well. ¥ou show your true character in
the strength with which you respond to setbacks.
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Beyond Your Goals
As you move Iovard your goaIs, you are aIso changing
yourseIf. The farIher you venIure beyond your comforI
zone, Ihe more you viII Iearn abouI yourseIf and abouI
vhaI iI's possibIe Io do in Ihe vorId.
Look for What Nakes You Happy
Pesearch has lound lhal an improvemenl in malerial
condilions (such as a lollery win or a promolion) brings a
lemporary increase in happiness, bul evenlually lhe
recipienl's happiness level reverls
lo around where il slarled. Only
when a gap al lhe lower levels ol
lhe Hierarchy ol Needs is llled is
lhere a permanenl increase in
happiness. Lasling happiness
invariably comes lrom your inner
allilude. Your goals may change
and evolve as you move loward
lhem, lor lwo reasons.
º because you pick up more relevanl inlormalion as you
move loward your goals.
º because you yoursell are evolving.
Work wilh lhisil you had nol sel your original goals,
you would never have lound lhal you can sel your sighls
higher. You may also come up againsl challenges lhal you
would nol have encounlered il you had slayed in your
comlorl zone. You now have plenly ol slralegies lor
dealing wilh lhem and can lackle lhem conldenlly.
Enjoy the Future
Whal happens when you achieve lhe goals you have sel
yoursell? This is really a queslion lhal only your lulure sell
can answer. When you achieve your goals, you will see
new challenges and new opporlunilies beyond anylhing
lhal you can now imagineand lhe only way you will see
lhese wonderlul possibililies is lo slarl seriously working
loward lhe goals you have now.
As one set
of goaIs is
achieved, the
next set
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1he famous psychoIogist Abraham MasIow introduced the
hierarchy of heeds modeI of human motivation, and it is
now wideIy accepted as a pattern in the way in which we
work toward our goaIs.
You read lhe Hierarchy ol
Needs lrom lhe bollom box
upward. The idea behind il is
lhal our goals will be direcled
loward salislying lhese needs in
order, slarling wilh lhe mosl
basiclood and sheller. ll
someone is homeless, lhey are
unlikely lo give much lhoughl
lo slalus or sell-lullllmenl unlil
lhey have deall wilh lheir mosl
pressing needs. You will nolice
lhal lhe lower levels are driven
enlirely by "away lrom"
molivalion, while lhe
molivalion al lhe highesl level
has become enlirely "loward"
lhe desired goal.
The praclical implicalion lhal
lhe hierarchy ol needs ollers
lor your goal-selling is lhal you
need lo make sure lhe basics
are in place belore selling
yoursell more abslracl goals.
8elore selling any goals, carry
oul some checks lo ensure
lhal your lnances, relalionships,
and heallh are all in good order
and working well.
Ihe Hierarchy of Needs
1he hierarchy of heeds
Persoual growlh aud íulíllueul
Slalus aud achieveueul
Relaliouships aud aííecliou
Prolecliou aud slabilily
PhysicaI needs
|ood aud sheller
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l NDLX
uncerlainly !!5
valuing 35
anxiely, eliminalion !9, 64
apprecialive inquiry 34, 35
aulopilol, swilching oll 98
awareness, increasing 20
"away lrom" molivalion 30!, 5!, 8!,
as lillers 28
sell-lullilling 29
blame, sell-blame !4
body language, energy boosls !0!
becoming calm !9
mind-clearing exercise 22
calleine, giving up !!2
cause and ellecl !6!7
cenler yoursell 20, 2!
checklisls, goal-selling 82
choice, remembering !00
commilmenl, enlhusiasm 87
comparisons !!0
consequences, goal-achieving 86
conlingency lime !07
cosls, achieving goals 86
Covey, Slephen 45
crealivily, loslering 32
crilicism, dealing wilh 723
Csikszenlmihalyi, Mihaly 77
declullering 80, !!0
displacemenl aclivilies 22, !00
drama, limil 3!
ellecls, P.O.W.L.P. 867
engagemenl !03
expressing 389
goal dislinclion 78
personal power !8
recognilion 26
boosls !0!
mainlenance !!2!3
exercise, leeling beller 63
circle ol !5
learning lrom !!4!5
sell-blame !4
lhink leedback !5
crilicism 72
nol lailure !5
lillers, beliels 28
values 49
viewpoinls 70!
lloaling your goals 94
"llow" slales 77
cenler yoursell 20, 2!
desired oulcomes !023
on lulure 77
habil eslablishmenl 98
on presenl !7
whal is working 345
whal you wanl 30!
enjoying !!6
locus on 77
goal placemenl 905
looking ahead 445, 76
Halo Lllecl 29
heallh, mainlaining !!2!3
highs and lows, charling 40
change implemenlalion 99
energy mainlenance !!3
highs and lows 40
looking ahead 44, 87
using help !04
impasse, breaking !00, !!5
imporlanl lasks, vs. urgenl 45
inner cluller, clearing 223
inner crilic, dealing wilh 67
inslincls, using 267
journals, keeping 4!
journeys, melaphors 39
known roules, P.O.W.L.P. 87
language, "nol" slalemenls 25, 823
limiling beliels, delealing 586!
luck, make your own !6
Maslow, Abraham !!7
good 33, 64
viewpoinls 65
menlal energy
declullering 80
increasing 76
expression 389
negalive 39
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Sec1_119_ED245_CMYK_ 119 11/4/06 6:40:56 pm
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posilive 38
mind-clearing exercise 22
minesweeps !!4
miracle queslion 63
molivalion 3!
specily goals 845
as a value 49
"away lrom" 30!, 5!, 8!, !!7
reinlorcing !!!
"loward" 30!, 5!, 52, 8!, !!7
hierarchy !!6, !!7
wanl dislinclion 8!
negalion 25, 823
negalivily, dillusing 65
nerves, becoming calm !9
Niebuhr, Peinhold 35
overload, dealing wilh !067
own business, lulure 44
ownership, P.O.W.L.P. 84
peripheral vision !9, 20
personal power, developing !82!
perspeclive, overload !07
Placebo Lllecl 29
looking ahead 445
lreals 63
posilive lhinking 64
apprecialion 327
energy boosls !0!
leedback !5
conlidence !00
energy boosls !0!
anxiely eliminalion 64
becoming calm !9
learning lrom !!4!5
solving 25, 629
procraslinalion, slopping !07
projeclion, learning 73
public commilmenl 99
pulling oll lasks 45
Pygmalion Lllecl 29
aspiralional 60
limiling beliels 60
realizalion ol goals 96!!7
rehearsal, new beliels 6!
dealing wilh people 703
problem solving 62
becoming calm !9
inner cluller 22
inner sancluary 23
problem solving 62
limelines 92
responsibilily, laking !4!7
Posenlhal, Poberl 29
gelling oul ol 63, !!5
melaphors 39
S.M.A.P.T goals 8!
sancluary, building 23
scale, problems 64
sell, recognilion 39
sell-assessmenl ol skills 7, 8!!
developing 384!
raising !05
sell-blame !4
sell-ellicacy See personal power
sell-esleem, boosling 77
sell-image, living up lo !!0!!
sell-sabolage 27
sell-lalk, limiling beliels 58, 59
Serenily Prayer 35
selbacks !!4!5
selling goals 7689
solulion locus 62
specilying goals 845
know your 345
playing lo !045
also relaxalion
becoming calm !9
posilivily 32
reduclion !00
Thorndike, Ldward 29
lime horizon 44
lime managemenl 45
limelines 90!, 92, 945
perspeclive !07
working backward !03
limelables 85
"loward" molivalion 30!, 5!, 52, 8!,
lriggers, delusing 66
uncerlainly, acceplance !!5
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Sec1_120_ED245_CMYK_ 120 11/4/06 6:40:57 pm
bad habils !!2
drama 3!
engaging 78
goal inslallalion 94
"nol" slalemenls 25, 823
power ol 249
lime organizalion 90
urgenl lasks, vs. imporlanl 45
conllicls 49, 50, 523
hierarchy 48, 49
knowing 4655
personal scale 46
changing 64, 65
dispules 70!, 73
compelling goals 923
dillusing negalivily 65
new beliels 6!
specilying goals 845
limelines 9!
value conllicl 53
viewpoinl alleralion 64, 65
wanls, need dislinclion 8!
willpower 26
wriling goals down 99
PicIure CrediIs
The publisher would like lo lhank lhe lollowing lor lheir kind permission lo
reproduce lheir pholographs. Abbrevialions key . (l) = lell, (c) = cenler, (r) = righl,
(l) = lop, (b) = below, (cl) = cenler lell, (cr) = cenler righl.
1. Holger Winkler/zela/Corbis (l), Peg Charily/Corbis (c), Slephen Toner/Celly (r),
2. Johannes Kroemer/Celly, 3. Adrian Turner (l), Crealas/Phololibrary.com (c),
Adrian Turner (b), 5. Peler Cade/lconica/Celly, 7. Lric Wessman/lconica/Celly,
8. All-6/Alamy (l), Lricka McConnell/The lmage 8ank/Celly (cl), Chislain and Marie
David de Lossy/Celly (cr), Jim Craigmyle/Corbis (r), 13. © Philippe Poyer/ HOA-
QUl/lmageslale, 17. Pandy laris/Corbis, 21. Adrian Turner, 23. Lricka McConnell/
The lmage 8ank/Celly. 27. Crealas/Phololibrary.com, 28. Holger Winkler/zela/
Corbis, 33. Pommel/Maslerlle, 37. Adrian Weinbrechl/Taxi/Celly, 55. Mallhias
Clamer/Celly, 57. Comslock Premium/Alamy, 67. 8rad Wilson/lconica/Celly, 69.
8ulch Marlin/Celly, 73. Chabruken/Taxi/Celly, 75. Slephen Toner/Slone/Celly,
83. Peg Charily/Corbis, 93. Chislain & Marie David de Lossy/Celly, 97. Chuck
Lllioll/The lmage 8ank/Celly, 101. Adrian Turner, 106. Jim Craigmyle/Corbis, 109.
Lric Wessman/lconica/Celly, 111. Colin Hawkins/Celly.
All olher images © Dorling Kindersley.
lor lurlher inlormalion see www.dkimages.com
AuIhor's AckhowledgmehIs
The work ol Slephen Covey, in 1he 7 |ab||: o| ||çh|y |||ec||ve |eop|e, and ol
Mihaly Csikszenlmihaly, in ||ow was helplul. The P.O.W.L.P. process described in
Chapler 4 was originally developed by UK managemenl consullanl and coach
Jenny llinloll.
AuIhor's 8iography
ANDY SMlTH is an emolional inlelligence coach and lrainer specializing in NLP
(Neuro-Linguislic Programming). He has been running lhe Creale lhe Lile You Wanl
workshop lor lhe lasl len years, and works wilh bolh privale and corporale clienls,
among lhem Sony, ClaxoSmilhKline, and lhe UK Nalional Heallh Service. He has
wrillen lor publicalions including 1he Iourna| o| |r|mary Care |en|a| |ea||h and
1he 1herap|:|. His company, Coaching Leaders Lld., also runs NLP Praclilioner and
Masler Praclilioner lraining in Manchesler, Lngland. lurlher delails are available
lrom www.praclicaleq.com. lree downloadable resources lo supporl lhis book are
also available al www.crealelhelileyouwanl.co.uk.
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Sec1_120_ED245_US 120 31/7/06 5:00:06 pm
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