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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67631300976055701032016-07-24T00:05:46.500-07:00Escape from ObesityA look into the secret life and inner thoughts of an obese mom. I have to get out of this hellish nightmare.Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-83599597293297574362016-07-22T19:51:00.002-07:002016-07-22T19:51:46.440-07:00Not Much to Say
The restricting didn't work this week.

I stuck with my eating plan the first 2 days. I tracked those days and stayed under 1000 calories and 100 g carbs. I wore the Fitbit and walked about 6,000 steps/day. I biked 25 minutes/day.

Then I got on the scale and was up another half pound. June 20 was my "Day 1" eating on my plan. July 19 was day 1 giving up. I stopped wearing the FitBit and biking. I ate whatever I wanted to for meals and snacks. I ate normal portions: a couple of pancakes, a sandwich and chips, some chocolate. No cake or cookies. But I feel like I have gained ten pounds in less than a week. My pants are tight again. I mean I actually have to pull to button them. How that can happen in a few days, I don't know. I feel exceptionally huge.

Restrict and exercise for a month and lose basically nothing.
Eat what I want without bingeing for four days and gain quickly.

That's how it always is. None of this dieting business makes sense anymore. I wish I had just hung on and kept it off when I had it off, because losing it again is a whole different ballgame.

Screw it. I have a life to live, fat or not. I'll let the doctor sort it out when I go for my appointment this week. I'm asking about WLS. Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/not-much-to-say.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-31159768613997359512016-07-17T09:59:00.000-07:002016-07-17T09:59:03.392-07:00Stupid Weigh In and a Summary of My Year
Well I have not been posting official weigh-ins on Sundays like I used to, but instead posting vague references to being up and down the same half pound and of gaining and losing 4 pounds of (I assume) carb bloat around the 4th of July. This is because the scale is *frustrating* to me. It makes me insane when I do (what I think are) all the right things and don't get my "paycheck" of deserved results. But yeah, I am pretty resigned to the fact that I don't usually get the losses, or gains, that I would expect from how I eat and move.

So basically, last July I weighed 240 pounds. By this January I had lost 11 pounds and was down to 229. It was slow going, but with some effort I got down to 226 by May 1. By the third week of June I weighed 238 pounds... a rapid, 12 pound regain in under 2 months, even thought I WAS making an effort and having a lot of good days. I know it is hard to believe a person can gain weight that fast without binge eating, but I wasn't. I never binged once. I overate junk about half the days for 2 weeks and that was the result I got.

Since June 19 I have been restricting what I eat. I posted most of my intake/menus in blog posts or in the comments if you're interested. This week I made a commitment to walk and bike every day and I have kept that. Today I weigh 238 pounds... still. Same as I weighed about a month ago. I believe (I have to believe) that if I keep my carbs and calories low and increase my activity this month, the scale will respond.

This week I am keeping a close eye on the carb content of my food. I'm not tracking, but am using the Medifast meal guidelines (see last post) to decide what to eat or not. That basically means I aim to get plenty of protein in a small amount of calories and eat about 15 total grams of carbs at a sitting. For example, this morning I had black coffee with half and half, an Egg Beater omelet with one slice of bacon, 2 sliced mushrooms, and a sprinkle of grated cheese, and a small nectarine. That's close to the 15 grams of carbs I want, is low calorie and high protein.

I put my FitBit back on this morning to encourage me to walk more. I also downloaded Pokemon Go on my phone at the urging of one of my kids (yes an ADULT kid!) and I will be out hunting Pokemon with several of my kids this summer. It seems silly but it is a BIG thing around here, with large groups of people of all ages (even my age!) out hunting Pokemon in the parks. I think it is a fun way to get in more walking and family time and meet new people!

Goals:

Keep going with the low carb, low calorie eating, including plenty of protein and local produce
Walk every day and get 10k steps/day
Bike most days for 25 minutes or more
Continue to gather info about WLS and talk to my doctor at my next appointment
Weigh 199 pounds on January 1, 2107
Take up kayaking and paddle boarding next summer
Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/stupid-weigh-in-and-summary-of-my-year.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-20744104509029911882016-07-16T14:35:00.000-07:002016-07-16T18:45:25.796-07:00Medifast without Medifast foods? A step above a post-WLS Diet
I've been thinking really seriously about getting the sleeve, and talking to some folks who have had it done. I have a local friend who had some kind of WLS and has had a ton of trouble (although she is thin now) and am going to talk to her about her experience tonight. This is the first time in my life that I am *seriously* considering doing this. In the past I have always been too afraid to die, leave the people I care for, etc, but I think I am entering a different mindset of making myself an at least equal priority to my family. With the kids moving out I have been sorting and tossing a lot of things I never thought I could let go of. I am starting to phase myself out of the caregiver role and into more of a role that involves taking care of ME. I still have kids with medical issues that need care, but somehow I feel differently, like I matter. That's kind of a hard thing for me to say, because it implies that I have felt like I *don't* matter. I know I matter! And yet, if I am honest with myself, that is exactly how I have acted and subconsciously felt at times. Everyone else is important, but I only matter because I am taking care of them and they need me. Once they no longer need me, I won't matter. And that's not a healthy way to think, even if it is buried under the knowledge that of course I matter. I just need to bring the "mattering" to the surface and start caring for myself with the intensity that I have always cared for others. I have been putting myself last for 26 years. This year, I am getting a promotion.

What I have been doing to avoid weighing, measuring, and counting calories and carbs (which I hate) is this: I have started using more pre-packaged foods that are already portioned and are higher in protein, lower in carbs. For a long time I have eyeballed labels looking for "Medifast substitutes"... foods that are similar in nutritional content to a Medifast meal (about 90-110 calories, 11-15 grams of protein, 8-15 grams of carbs, 4-5 grams of fiber, under 4 grams of fat). A lot of people who used to do Medifast got tired of the skyrocketing prices and have looked for alternatives such as the WonderSlim and BariWise diet foods from DietDirect.com (affiliate link... I use their products a lot), Quest bars, and other packaged foods that they could use as a meal in the 5&1 Plan, getting the same results at a lower cost. Heck, I have even seen people sub things like a low fat string cheese for a Medifast meal because the most important thing of all on that plan is to keep your carbs low, and string cheese generally has 0 carbs. Anyway, the old 5&1 Plan on Medifast was just 5 protein meals and one meat/vegetable meal per day. It was nice because you never had to track ANYTHING. You just eat the 5 meals, and all you have to measure is your meat (weigh it, 5 to 7 ounces) and your vegetables (3 servings, a half cup each but for raw greens you get a full cup for a serving). If you eat those things, it automatically will be 800-100 calories, over 72 grams of protein and under 100 grams of carbs every day without tracking. That was so easy but boring. I am thinking I could do the same thing with random protein meals and whole foods that have a similar nutritional profile, and then eyeball the dinner to be about the same as a Lean & Green meal on Medifast. I am not going to get obsessive and count and measure spices like Medifast asks you to do; instead I could make one of the meals each day a no-carb snack to allow some wiggle room for the carbs in seasonings. What do you think? Can I do "Medifast" without actually using Medifast products? Would it be easy and stress free and result in weight loss? I'd be getting a solid 900-1000 calories a day which is probably slightly more than I am eating now, and also more than I would be eating after a VSG. If I am willing to eat well under 1000 calories a day after WLS, it can't be any worse to do it now. If I can't stick to it then so be it, I will try and get the surgery and that will force me to eat that way.

Today's menu (updated after dinner):

coffee with half and half
a hard boiled egg
a small nectarine
a packet of protein pretzels with a spoonful of hummus
a bowl of fresh kale that I cooked with onions and chicken broth
a protein bar
a large heirloom tomato from the CSA box, diced, tossed with fresh basil also from the CSA box, one chopped string cheese (because I had no fresh mozzarella), a drizzle of olive oil, and salt & pepper

I will have something as a snack later, maybe protein pudding or something else around 100 calories.

Walked the dog and biked 25 minutes. Input welcome.Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/medifast-without-medifast-foods-step.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-67153183450870388392016-07-15T09:36:00.002-07:002016-07-15T09:36:37.628-07:00Deadline
In a couple of weeks it will have been nine YEARS since I started this blog. I cannot believe that. In that time, I've lost 103 pounds, been up and down the scales repeatedly, regained 70 pounds but always kept off that last 30 and, for the most part over the last two and a half years, have just been swinging back and forth between 225 and 245 pounds. For the year and a half prior to that I was swinging between 205 and 225 pounds. It's been about three and a half years since I have seen 199.

I cannot express to you how determined I am to get this weight off. I am *almost* to a point where I would consider weight loss surgery. I really feel like that might be the only answer. But my fear of surgery and complications is pushing me to give this one last shot before I start asking my doctor for details on WLS. Every day I push myself to give my best effort at weight loss the "old fashioned" way. Every day I try to not eat until I really *need* to, and then make it the smallest possible amount and only a limited selection (produce, meat, fish, eggs, dairy, and protein bars/shakes/products), with limited carbs. I am making time now for the walking and biking that I need to keep my metabolism from screeching to a halt while I restrict. This fat is in the way and I have to get rid of it.

Today I haven't eaten yet (just black coffee) but the plan is to cook up some kale and onions for lunch and some cabbage with beef and tomatoes for dinner. I will use my protein shakes and protein water to get through the afternoon and evening if I need it. They are only 60 to 110 calories each so a good portion of protein for little calories as a snack. With about 200 calories for lunch and 400 for dinner, plus 2-3 snacks, I will stay well under 1000 calories a day.

I am tired and frustrated with this whole "journey" and so over it, and ten years of blogging about it without getting to a point of long term maintenance is NOT an option. I am giving myself until my ten year bloggiversary in August, 2017, to be at goal whether that is by diet and exercise or by surgery. This is just getting stupid and needs to be fixed.

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/deadline.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-27133073530507607922016-07-14T12:04:00.004-07:002016-07-14T12:04:57.875-07:00Self is Last
Do you ever feel like you just can't get enough things done in a day? I am having that kind of week right now. I have all the intentions to fit in a walk and a bike ride every day, but it isn't getting done. I am getting lots of *other* things done, but as with most Moms I tend to put my own needs on the back burner and put everyone else in the family first. It's crazy because when my kids were little I felt like I never had any time, but I was so sure that when they got to be teens and older I would be so free! I remember when I had 3 little babies/toddlers and one of my good friends had ONE toddler and three older kids ranging from 10 to 16. I thought, "wow, why is she still so frazzled? Why is her yard and house still a mess when she has all those older kids to do all that work for her?" Ha, yeah. Well I got a taste of reality when I had teens: teens are WAY more work than I thought! Even with really good kids who do chores and help, their needs do not diminish just because they are adult sized! Now my boys are all 20+ so they really *are* mostly independent. Three of them need very little from me aside from the usual support, love, and family time. But as they move out of the house, their old chores fall to me. And lately I have been on a rampage getting rid of things that were just collecting dust! I had saved lots of old toys, furniture, and household stuff thinking they would come in handy someday. And as they have moved out they have also left a lot of their stuff here in boxes and tubs... some that they intended to come back for later, and some that they will probably never want again. So my task this week has been sorting all the boxes that are stacked in the guest room and the garage, checking with the boys as to what they want or don't want that was theirs, and donating a lot of things to others in need. It is a lot of fun (I like to sort and clean and is kind of cathartic) but a lot of work and takes hours. I get sucked into it and then have to still run errands, cook dinner, care for the dogs, go to appointments and spend time with my kids who still live at home. My daughter has a lot of playdates and youth group stuff, and we hang out with friends a couple times a week. Bottom line is, I am putting my own physical health LAST by not walking and biking... and that has to change NOW.

I don't want to stay fat, I really don't. I want to see results from the restriction (I am back to eating mostly protein and produce in small amounts; if my eyeballing is close I am eating between 800 and 1200 calories a day). I feel better when I exercise, too. So yeah, no more excuses, I am getting in the exercise EVERY day.

This weight loss thing is annoying sometimes so I want to get it finished within a year and then just focus on maintaining the loss.Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/self-is-last.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-77933639246218730862016-07-12T16:10:00.002-07:002016-07-12T20:44:51.556-07:00I'm Back, Weight, and Goal
We are home! It was one of the best trips ever, with days and evenings filled with fishing, swimming, tubing, boating, and all of the fun that goes with family, forest, and a lake. I am really growing to appreciate the joy of having adult children and spending time with them. I admit when my boys all started growing out of their teens and moving on with their own lives, it was a hard transition for me. After all, I was "Mom" above all else and had spent over 20 years focused on being a mother to young kids. At first I just missed their little-boy childhoods terribly and kept wishing they were still kids. But over time I have come to *love* the freedom of having adult kids who are independent and living their own joyful lives. It is a great thing to see them grow into responsible, happy adults with their own healthy relationships and getting to know my daughter-in-law and possible future daughters-in-law as well. I am so proud of my kids! It was so cool watching my sons teaching their little sister to fish and boat and paddleboard. But as always it is so good to be back home, too.

As I was out on the lake with my family, and while hiking up steep hills in the woods, I had the distinct impression that all of this would be so much easier if I weighed even 40 pounds less. I started to think back to that summer vacation in 2007 when I went to the beach and forest with my husband and (then much younger) children and was unable to walk down the beach, swim, or hike with them. I posted about that trip very early on in my blog, because that trip was the incentive for starting this blog and losing weight. My "before" photos on the sidebar were taken on that trip to the beach in California. And this trip, while much, much better, gave me similar incentive. I was able to swim, and boat, and hike, but wow was I sore every evening. And I was out of breath when I'd reach the top of a hill. And sometimes when the kids went down to the dock to fish, I'd stay on the cabin porch and read. Not often, but a couple of times, I made that choice because I was getting tired and sore and just needed a break. I did love sitting on the porch drinking iced tea and watching them fish, but even more I loved the times I was down there *with* them. So this strengthened my resolve to keep going on this weight loss and fitness journey and take this year to get in the best shape of my life... so that as the years go by I can keep participating in all the fun things we like to do.

We did eat grilled fish, chicken, and vegetable kabobs, but we also ate burgers and s'mores. I did have fresh fruit always on hand, but also enjoyed a good quality ice cream cone from a little shop on the way home. I drank lots of water, iced coffee, and iced tea, and am happy to say that I have lost the 4 pounds I had gained before my trip. Today I cleaned out the fridge and took inventory of what produce I have left (most from CSA boxes): onions, celery, 3 colors of carrots, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower, plums, blueberries, apples, zucchini, cucumbers, green beans, lettuce, cabbage, and kale. Lots of great food for the coming week!

This week I will get back to what I was doing before the trip: very small portions, higher protein, lower carb, and daily walking and biking. I am convinced if I get my calories low enough (but not TOO low) and activity high enough, my body will respond and I will get below 200 by January 1.

I hope you're enjoying your summer as much as we are! Life is good :)

Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/im-back-weight-and-goal.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-60256313402303825062016-07-05T16:30:00.000-07:002016-07-05T16:30:34.907-07:00Rebound Weight
Well it's been an interesting couple of weeks! And an interesting bunch of weigh-ins, too. Fourteen days in a row of low carb, fairly low calorie, and small portions were followed by one day of higher carbs, fat, and calories yesterday (4th of July party stuff, it was actually so good!) I posted the menu in the comments on the last post if you're interested, but what did *not* surprise me is the 4-pounds uptick on the scale this morning. Lots of salt and carbs (which means water retention) always give me that kind of result, so it doesn't phase me. I do find it interesting that one day like that results in a gain bigger than the amount I lost over the prior two weeks eating probably an average of 1000 calories a day. I only counted calories on a couple of days, plus an interested commenter counted on a few days for me. Some days were in the 600's and others closer to 1000. I have felt great eating less over time: usually skipping breakfast (just black coffee), very low cal lunch and snacks, and a bigger but still small portioned dinner. I drink a lot of no-calorie beverages and am feeling totally out of the sugar fog! Even though I ate more yesterday, I did *not* indulge in any cake, ice cream, cookies etc because I do not want to trigger more sugar cravings! Fruit was enough for me.

I am doing a lot of prepping for the trip and looking forward to catching (and eating) plenty of fish! The scale will respond, I will just keep plugging along. I am in it for the long haul.Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/rebound-weight.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-66109362431432153662016-07-03T13:00:00.002-07:002016-07-03T13:00:55.863-07:00Weight Update
It's funny how even after all these years, I still don't really get why my weight is not always an indicator of how much I am eating. There have been times I've been eating very minimally and still lost little to no weight. There have also been times, long ago, when I'd binge up a storm and the scale would stay the same. How a 275 pound woman can eat 3,000 - 5,000 calories a day and not gain, or how a 235 pound woman can eat 1000 a day and not lose, is beyond me. Meh, it is not simple math. Part of the reason I have gotten so frustrated in the past is that the input doesn't give predictable results. I'd think, "I have counted calories and eaten 1200 a day for three weeks and lost one pound. I could have been eating pretty much anything I wanted and stayed the same weight." True, sometimes. I have to look at it in terms of years, not weeks or months, to get through this. Because that is the difference: my body may be super efficient at staying the same weight on 1000 or 3000 calories, but it can only do that for so long before the weight starts to change. You can't make fat on a body out of carrots, and you can't burn off a pan of brownies every day for a year. Either way it is going to eventually show up on your body and on the scale. In my case, it just takes longer. That's all.

Still fluctuating up and down a half pound on the scale. I think my body thinks I am messing with it again. "Oh she always does these diets but then things go back to normal. Staying the same weight is healthier than going up and down the same 20 pounds so let's just stay the same weight until she gives up." Nope, body. Not this time.Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/weight-update.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-43566703869366511982016-07-01T12:28:00.001-07:002016-07-01T12:28:30.671-07:00On Not Eating Much
I am feeling really good today! Finally just happy and relaxed. The food stress seems to have passed for now and I am really enjoying the peace that comes with being off sugar and eating lower carb. It gets easier and easier NOT to eat junk. Today I woke bright and early at 5:45 and had my decaf coffee and was not hungry until close to noon, when I had one Babybel cheese and an iced cold brew coffee with cream and sugar free syrup. I also had a really small plum hybrid thing that came in the CSA box this week, too. I don't know what they're called but the skin is tart and the inner fruit is bright red and sweet. We got a whole bag of them, plus blueberries, carrots, onions, zucchini, small potatoes, and green beans this week. I plan to make some kind of creamy kale soup like they serve at Olive Garden with sausage and the onions and potatoes and some green beans added. That will be tomorrow, probably, because tonight we have company coming for a barbecue in the back yard! My son is making burgers and hot dogs on the grill and I got a watermelon to go with it. (I will have my burger wrapped in lettuce with some avocado slices instead of cheese). I find that having one larger meal per day (usually dinner), like I did on Medifast, works best for me. My breakfast, lunch, and snacks can be pretty darned small and I can get by just fine until dinner as long as I have some fat and/or protein every couple of hours. I can push breakfast out pretty late or even just have coffee some days, which is against the common mantra of never skipping breakfast, but intermittent fasting or a shortened eating window has often been suggested to me as a way to give your body a break from digestion. I don't get blood sugar crashes early in the day before I eat, unless I have nothing at all for the whole morning. Even coffee with cream seems to be enough. When I don't eat much throughout the day, I don't feel triggered to keep eating. I am fine waiting until dinner for a substantial meal.

We're heading out on a fishing trip later this week, staying in a cabin we rented on a lake in the woods. I can't wait! It does have a kitchen and a grill so I can bring lots of healthy foods and stay sane with my eating. We will be doing plenty of boating and swimming too along with some hiking. I love a good family adventure! Feeling blessed to be able to do this. I am weighing every day but will post an "official" weight when I get back.

Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/07/on-not-eating-much.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-89066644267783112382016-06-29T12:17:00.000-07:002016-06-29T12:17:29.343-07:00Ten Days In, Down Half a Pound, What's the Point?
So annoying. I did what was suggested in one comment and tracked calories a couple days to be sure I am where I think I should be, and I got close to 1000 calories both days and under 80g carbs which is where I was aiming. However I am NOT losing weight. Half a pound is meaningless. Why am I not seeing any results when I am eating like half of what I was eating before? It bothers me a lot, but then I remember all the times on this blog where I have seen similar non-results. Like the times on Medifast eating 800 calories a day and not losing, or only half a pound a week. Or the times I counted calories, biked, walked, etc on a regular basis and still saw no weight loss. I know ten days is just a start but still, usually we will see at least a couple of pounds gone when going from a high carb diet to a low carb one. It's frustrating but not surprising and that is partly why I was wondering if there is some kind of supplement I could take to help things along. Guess not.

Well I think my eating is in order although I can certainly cut back even more if need be. I am doing better with the cravings now and feel like I can do this long term. I guess I will start pushing the exercise again too. I walk most days (leisure walks with the dog or with kids) and swim once in awhile, but the only way for me to get in heart-raising, non-lifestyle exercise right now is for me to bike. So I am biking every day starting now, possibly with one day off for rest per week. I can do about 20 minutes straight before I start to ache a bit, but I know from past experience that I can increase a minute a day until I get to about 35 minutes. Beyond that and I start getting those stupid soft tissue injuries in my feet and legs and also start to aggravate the arthritis in my knees. I have, MANY times, hurt myself on that bike by pushing it too long. I get that lots of people can go longer, and do more. I don't know why my body acts the way it does with the stupid injuries but trust me, if I could, I would ride that bike 2 hours a day right now. I am that motivated to burn off this fat. I just can't, so I will do that I can without ending up "off the bike due to pain" like I have in the past.

So while I am super frustrated and throwing my hands up at the scale and thinking "what's the freaking point if I am not losing weight?", there is no alternative to continuing. I cannot just let myself get fatter and fatter until it is worse than when I started this blog. The weight has to come off, regardless of how "hard" it is and how long it takes. If I have to cut cream out of my coffee, fine. If I have to skip breakfast every day, I can do that. I am not worried that I will be malnourished as long as I get sufficient protein, vegetables, and vitamins.

Thanks for your support and I pray I will be able to post a 198 pound picture around the first of the year. It's not looking too promising for that YET but maybe I can find my groove... eat less, burn off more, and start to see the pounds melt off.

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/ten-days-in-down-half-pound-whats-point.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-72661012064452987422016-06-28T10:49:00.001-07:002016-06-28T10:55:59.672-07:00Menus and a Question
Still plugging along. I have a sick kid on antibiotics today so we're not going out except maybe for a walk around the neighborhood for us to get some fresh air if she is up to it. Drinking lots of water. I wasn't going to keep noting my food intake, and may not long term, but someone pointed out to me that having a record in the beginning would be helpful so I am still taking notes. Maybe not every day, we'll see.

Sunday
Breakfast: black decaf coffee, 100 calorie protein shake
Lunch: iced coffee with a splash of half and half, one baked chicken thigh, no skin, 5 roasted cashews, and 5 cherries
Afternoon: a serving of Kay's Naturals protein crackers and a couple spoons of 2% cottage cheese
iced diet Snapple peach tea
Dinner: La Croix blackberry cucumber sparking water (no sweetener, no calories), small bowl of calabacita (lean beef, onions, garlic, calabacita squash, tomatoes, taco seasoning. I also added a zucchini, some celery, and a lot of mushrooms to make it lower calorie)... about 1 cup in a bowl with a spoon of light sour cream and some cubed avocado on top.
Evening: protein bar

Calabacita, delicious and full of veggies!

Monday
Breakfast: black decaf coffee, 1 babybel cheese, 2 slices deli ham, iced diet Snapple peach tea
Lunch: small bowl (less than a cup) of leftover calabacita, topped with grated cheese and a spoon of light sour cream. Dill pickle spear.
Snack: sparkling water
Dinner: slice of thin crust pizza with steak, mushrooms, and onions. Yes I know this was not low carb, but I was with a group eating pizza. Thin crust (and not eating the crust edge) was my best option.
Snack: a few olives, a few cherries

So far today I have only had black decaf coffee.

The other day I saw some mentions online of a product called Xyngular that is for weight loss, energy, clear skin, and better health. I am trying to find out some information on this product because it sounds interesting... all natural, includes vitamins, etc. But I am really not up for a scam or anything risky or with scary stimulants. Are any of you familiar with this brand? Tried their products and have a good or bad experience? Would like to hear about it... you can leave me a comment or drop me an email. Thanks!

Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/menus-and-question.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-14582160646441228172016-06-26T10:56:00.002-07:002016-06-26T10:56:38.554-07:00A Week Off Junk, and Weigh In
Last week I got pretty mad about my current fat situation and was feeling lousy because in the week prior I had been screwing around with donuts and M&Ms and not eating enough healthy stuff. So this week I posted all my menus in posts and comments and shared what I am doing. I got some support and some criticism, including that I am now "starving" myself and living on "crumbs." Well apparently I am not starving myself enough because the scale only went down about half a pound this week.

The good thing is I succeeded in what I wanted to do, which was get off the junk and sugar, and eat a lot lower carb and healthier foods. I've done that. I am out of the "sugar fog" and got through the withdrawals okay. I am not planning to go super low carb (Atkins style, 20g a day or such) because I have done that before and felt lousy. When I was counting carbs I picked 100 grams/day as my upper limit. I found when I eat less than about 65 grams/day I just feel unwell. When I feel like I want something sweet, I reach for berries or whatever fresh fruit is in the house. A great thing that happened this week is my rosacea improved a lot. Last week it was about the worst it has ever been, and now it is very mild. That means inflammation is down, and I'm very happy about that.

I want to clarify my "plan" because some commenters seem confused about what I am trying to do.

Goals:
stay off junk
lose weight
reduce inflammation/feel better
eat the smallest portions possible to satisfy, but more often to keep blood sugar steady and give me energy (thus the small meals and frequent snacks)
eat as infrequently as I can without symptoms (wait until actually hungry to eat)
drink a lot of non-caloric or at least low calorie/no carb beverages instead of eating

If I end up having some days that are really low calorie, so be it. I take vitamins, I eat plenty of protein and always include fruits and vegetables, and I'm off the junk. I'm not counting calories or weighing my food or any of that, because it makes me feel obsessive. This is something I have *not* tried before: eating a lot less, but making healthy choices, without measuring and counting. I will adjust until I get results on the scale.

Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/a-week-off-junk-and-weigh-in.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-14565658056131026912016-06-23T23:01:00.000-07:002016-06-25T09:52:11.956-07:00Another Day Getting Off Sugar
I had a sugar withdrawal headache and was pretty tired for most of the day, but tonight after my final snack I feel a lot better. I think I am over the hump and everything will get easier after today.

Breakfast:
black decaf coffee
iced coffee with half and half
Lunch:
handful of sugar snap peas, raw
a few olives, maybe 2 tablespoons of roasted sunflower seeds
bottled water
Afternoon:
Wonderslim protein crackers, peach salsa, bit of sour cream
plain iced tea
a few cherries
Dinner, on the run:
2 slices of deli ham wrapped around a light string cheese
After dinner, I was at a concert with friends and started to feel shaky and dizzy. I could literally feel my blood sugar bottoming out (I have had swings of low blood sugar before, which is why I was on Victoza to regulate my blood sugar levels. The new insurance won't cover it because I am not diabetic, so I'm not on it now). I ate 3 peppermints that I keep in my purse for this kind of thing and felt better.
Evening snack:
one serving of high protein/low carb cereal with blueberries and unsweetened almond milk

I decided to add Friday's food onto this post instead of making a new post for it. I think I am pretty steady on my intake now and won't be posting all my food to my blog every day.

Friday

Breakfast:
black decaf coffee
fresh juice from a juice bar (I watched them make it) containing 1/2 cucumber, bunch of kale, half a lime, 5 celery stalks, and a Granny Smith apple.
5 or 6 raspberries

Lunch:
1 bratwurst, sliced onion and a big handful of spinach sauteed in about a teaspoon of avocado oil
iced coffee with stevia and a splash of half and half

Dinner:
about a half cup of Eggbeaters mixed with 2 ounces of light cream cheese, cinnamon, and stevia, cooked in a frying pan with just enough butter to coat, with about half a cup of fresh blueberries sprinkled on and flipped. Really filling and good.

Bedtime snack:
Wonderslim protein wafers

Have a great weekend!

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/another-day-getting-off-sugar.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-12822392318991294682016-06-23T08:01:00.000-07:002016-06-23T08:04:57.412-07:00Weight, Food
Scale's not moving.

Wednesday:
black decaf coffee
iced coffee with cream, Kay's Naturals protein pretzels
Lunch: slice of apple, a few olives, protein bar
protein water
Wonderslim protein crackers and a little sour cream
plain iced tea, a few olives
potluck dinner: half a plate of raw vegetables (salad mix, cucumbers, carrots) with a small amount of dressing (about a tablespoon), one deviled egg half, 1/4 plate of fruit (melon, berries, grapes), one small spoon of potato salad, 5 potato chips.
Evening: a few olives

Note, I am using up this box of low carb, high protein foods that I've had for awhile now. Most were sent to me to review or for free to try and some I got at a discount. I figure I may as well use them up since they make good crutches while getting off junk or trying to cut carbs, but aside from the occasional bar or shake I don't plan to keep them in my diet long term. They are easy portions and generally between 100 and 160 calories, 0 to 15 grams of carbs, 10 to 15 grams of protein.

The cream in my coffee is half and half. I use 1 to 2 tablespoons in a large glass. When I get coffee out, I get cold brew or Americano, which is made with water and no milk. I get no sweetener or sugar free syrup in coffee. I think if I am out and get an iced tea or granita from now on instead of 1-2 pumps of syrup I will go with no sweetener. Then the tea has basically no calories. Thanks for the comments on the last post.

Will eat less today.Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/weight-food.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-42611395353658389512016-06-21T18:34:00.000-07:002016-06-21T18:34:04.213-07:00Boring, But Oh Well
Some of the more boring posts on my blog are where I write down what I am eating. I don't do it often, but when I am making changes or trying a new plan I do like to have a record of what I had and how it's going. It's very helpful for me to look back and see what I have done and the results.

So if you don't like reading menus and boring stuff skip this one, but if you have any feedback on my menus yesterday and today I welcome it. I don't usually ask for menu feedback but I am open to input right now because I have no set plan and really don't know what I am doing besides trying to eat less, fewer carby foods, and using what I have (CSA box, frozen pastured meats, fresh fish, and a box of protein bars and shakes and such).

Morning: black decaf coffee, iced coffee with a little cream and sugar free vanilla, 3 protein bites (kind of like mini protein bars, 7 in a serving) Was in a hurry to get things done and get on the road for a medical trip.
Lunch (on the road, restaurant): salad made of mixed greens, cucumbers, cabbage, carrots, black olives, and blue cheese with crumbled bacon and a sliced hard boiled egg on top. Ranch dressing on the side, used maybe a tablespoon.
On the drive home: Starbucks iced tea granita with half the syrup.

It's almost 6:30 and I am about to drink a big glass of water, steam a bowl of fresh local broccoli, and top it with a melted slice of American cheese. That's dinner.

If I get hungry later I will have something small like a few cherries, almonds or sliced turkey breast.

Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/boring-but-oh-well.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-77442951712563616492016-06-20T22:20:00.000-07:002016-06-21T18:14:10.640-07:00Another Day 1
After I wrote that post yesterday I was absolutely determined to first, make a plan to go visit my friend and second, get this weight off. Today I talked to her on the phone for an hour and we are both excited that I'll be taking my daughter and maybe youngest son to visit her before the end of summer. Thank you for the very interesting discussion in the comments, too. I appreciate the insights.

Today the goals were: get off the junk and carbs and eat a lot less.

Breakfast: black decaf coffee, 2 bacon, 1/4 of an avocado
iced coffee with cream and stevia
Lunch: I made this soup Creamy Leek and Salmon Soup but made some modifications to cut the calories: used cooking spray instead of butter, about 1/4 the amount of salmon and only about 1/3 cup of coconut milk instead of 1 3/4 cup. I also used shallots instead of leeks because that's what I had. I added some Mrs. Dash and some dried dill as well. This made a less creamy, more broth-y soup with a lot less fat and calories. I like this soup and have a feeling I'll be eating a lot more soups, because they are mostly broth and filling without being caloric. Had one small bowl for lunch.

Snack when hungry: some cherries
more iced coffee with cream (I use 1 to 2 Tbsp per large glass)
Dinner: another bowl of salmon soup.
Very hungry so I had a packet of "protein balls" that is pretty low calorie, high protein, low carb. I have a box of protein bars, shake packets, and other low carb foods left from reviews I have done and things I got for free, and I will use these when I am really hungry. They sell those protein balls at Walmart pretty cheap.
I found some packets of "protein water" stuff in my box. It's 60 calories, grape flavored, and only protein (no carbs) so I put it in my water bottle with some ice and sipped it when I got hungry.
Before bed I was having major carb/sugar withdrawals and feeling starved. I ate a few pork rinds, 2 slices of cheese, and a handful of cherries and felt much better.
I drank a lot of water and made sure I took all of my vitamins and supplements.

A good "day 1" of getting back off the junk and carbs. Will do it again tomorrow.

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/another-day-1.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-74954225067450382672016-06-19T17:38:00.000-07:002016-06-19T17:38:28.362-07:00I Woke Up So Angry
Last night I had some dreams... dreams where I was thin again. When I woke up, the first thing on my mind was an old, dear friend who had gotten back in touch with me yesterday. She said she missed me, and asked me to come and visit her, and wanted to meet my daughter and hug her and tell her she loves her even though they have never met. This friend was Godmother to my sons, the only person in the world I trusted enough to have, love, and raise my children if something happened to my husband and me. This friend, I love, and have loved since we met when I was 20 years old and she was in her 30's. She threw my first baby shower and she sewed curtains and a baby quilt for my first nursery. She is my sister, one of those people that even if you don't speak for a long time, when you finally chat again it's like you've never been apart.

Her health isn't good. She has a lot of things going on. We used to be neighbors, but now she lives 9 or 10 hours drive from me and the last time I drove it was before my daughter was born. I have other friends who live there, too. But I haven't been back in 40 or 50 pounds. Yep, there, I said it. I have not gone back because I am fat.

I have waited and dieted and lost weight and gained weight, waiting over a decade to visit my friends because I was waiting to be thinner than I was when I left there... or at least the same weight. I didn't want to deal with the shock and surprise on people's faces... or if not on their faces, what I imagined was in their minds... when they saw me this fat. I didn't want my weight to be the first thing they saw when I walked up to them after a decade apart. I wanted my weight to be a total non-issue. THEN I would go visit.

But I did lose weight, I got all the way down to 175 pounds which is a lot less than I weighed when I left there. I could have gone then, but I thought I was still too fat. I was still losing weight and waiting for the skin to shrink and for my skin to look better and to buy a new wardrobe of clothes that fit. For almost a year I weighed in the 170's and 180's almost the whole time and I still never made that trip! Why didn't I go when I weighed 175 pounds?? Now here I am, back at almost 240 pounds (yes I weighed) and hating the fatness so much that there is NO WAY I would go on that trip to see the people I love.

WHY? It makes me SO angry that I woke up with all of what I just wrote flashing in my head in a split second, and a tear rolled down my cheek as I was still in bed covered in the sadness and anger at myself for never having gone, and still not going. I have missed out on *so much* because of this stupid weight. Yes I *know* they love me and my weight wouldn't change that. I *know* that good friends won't think badly of me for being fat, and they'll understand. And yet all this time I waited to be skinny enough to feel okay enough to go visit them. Because it is just so horrifying to me to think of the embarrassment and the reality of my weight and how crappy I look.

It's a perspective that is very, very different from my day to day "oh I feel fine, oh I don't look too bad, hey this being fat is not so terrible." Yes I can do a lot more things than I could at 278. Yes I am happier and accomplish more and have fewer health problems. I am comfortable and it's okay and the people here are used to my obesity and I have long since gotten over (or stuffed down and become numb to) the shame I felt when friends who met me in the 170's watched me literally balloon up 60+ pounds and stay fat. The embarrassment of that is pretty much over because now they have known me fat for longer than they knew me at a normal-ish size, so I assume my fat is the new normal and it's what they expect when they see me. It's been long enough that they're probably not all wondering if I am going to lose the weight and get back to the old normal. But the people who haven't seen me this big, I never want them to see me this big. It is hugely embarrassing and I guess I don't want everyone in the world to have a current mental image of me as really fat. I just don't.

I have written about the emotional losses and isolation that comes from being fat before; but today it truly pained me. I want to see the people I care about. And yet I still feel like I HAVE to get at least closer to the weight I was when they last saw me first. It tears me up inside. I am tired of not having any pictures of me with my kids (hardly any since I got back over 200), tired of avoiding people who don't know how fat I am, and tired of worrying that I won't get to see my friend again because of her health issues, because I am so hung up on my fatness but too uncommitted to actually lose the weight. I am so mad about it, it might even be enough to get me to do something real to get these pounds off NOW.

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/i-woke-up-so-angry.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-91645389456837924272016-06-17T15:35:00.002-07:002016-06-17T15:35:37.201-07:00Thoughts on Past and Future
Back when I used to binge eat, I had hundreds of "favorite" foods. I dreamed and fantasized about practically everything in the supermarket (except the healthy foods) and always, every day, *wanted* them. In 2007 I hit a place where I was miserable with my eating AND my body; not only did I feel gross, hate how I looked, hate how I ate, and have major health concerns starting to pop up, but I also hated the way I thought about food. I felt guilty every minute of the day when I was not eating, for what I had eaten and what I would be eating. I'd say summer 2007 was the pinnacle of my eating disorder. It wasn't just the foods (which were awful choices and huge amounts) and the actions (of eating more every time my stomach had digested enough to fit more into it)... it was the mental state I was in. I think the stress of having critically ill and disabled children in the years prior to 2007 put me in a state of mental shock and the way I coped with it all was by binge eating and food obsession. That state of mind was hard. SO hard. You really have no idea what it is like to be consumed by your thoughts to the point of destructive action unless you have lived it. It is heartbreakingly miserable.

It took a lot of work and healing to get out of that place. There were trials of medications and stints with counselors, but the thing that truly brought me out of that hell hole was blogging. Thank God I found blogging, because if I hadn't, I think I would still be there, if I'd survived this long. Writing all the feelings, the experiences, sharing and hearing back from others who have been there was SO healing to me. It brought my mind out of the obsession and enabled me to think clearly again. And I have to thank you for being here, reading, commenting, all these years, because I don't think I would have kept blogging and trying if there was no feedback at all. The feedback helped me so much.

The place I am now is not ideal. If I had my way, I would daily eat my "favorite" foods, which are much more limited now that I am out of the binge mindset. My favorite foods seem silly and childish: hot dogs. Chocolate. American cheese. Bacon. Ice cream and pizza. That's pretty much it (oh and iced coffee!) Party foods, right? Total junk, most of it. They're the foods I still want and even sometimes crave, but I never binge on them anymore. I think I don't binge because I allow myself to have them without feeling that old familiar guilt. I also acknowledge that some of them don't work well for weight loss and some (hot dogs) make me feel horrible if I eat them. I work around it and have a slice of pizza now and then but usually opt for the cauliflower crust version. I have my square of dark chocolate every day if I want one, and I have pastured local bacon for breakfast a lot. I just let those foods in a little bit and I'm okay with it.

It's when I start eating a lot of my not-favorite foods that are unhealthy that I start feeling icky and letting them crowd out the healthier produce and protein. I realize that because I had that chocolate almond bar the other day, I did not eat the blueberries in the fridge. I know that when I have junkier, carbier foods for dinner I am less likely to prepare vegetables to go with it. Who wants to ruin a nice comforting bowl of homemade mac and cheese by adding a side of steamed broccoli? (That's a mindset... comforting OR healthy... that I am breaking out of by always making vegetables as sides.)

Anyway, when I compare life now to life back in the binge days, I am so grateful. I am no longer miserable and hating how I eat, act, and think. I feel clear headed and joyful. Food no longer occupies my every waking moment and I have zero desire to binge.

So what is left for me is the improvement of my health and that includes weight loss. Sometimes I think I am just not miserable enough or unhappy enough with my body to be motivated to change, again. But then I know that I don't want to wait for a health crisis to motivate me to make changes. I want to do them now, not motivated by fear or pressure but by love for myself and the desire to be the most joyful I can be. To do that, I have to re-examine WHY I am eating the way I am... just as I had to examine my reasons when I started this blog, in order to stop binge eating.

Today's food:
black decaf coffee, because I have this every morning when I wake up
protein shake, because I was somewhat hungry but didn't want to cook
samples of fruit at the farmer's market, because it is healthy and I wanted my daughter to try them too
freshly juiced kale, cucumber, Granny Smith apple, and lime because I wanted some refreshment and nutrition
egg salad sandwich with a few chips, because I was shopping with someone who wanted to stop in a sandwich shop and eat, and I did not want to just sit there sipping my green drink, so I ordered food.
iced coffee with cream, because I like it

So, when I look at my day today I think everything was great, except I ordered and ate something I didn't even want, in order to be social.

If I had had time to think about this ahead of time, I'd have just said I wasn't hungry and it would have been fine to sit and sip my drink while she ate. I do not have to eat when I am not hungry, for any reason.

I realize that I often do this. I am with people and they are all ordering xyz or we are at a friend's home and a child is passing out x dessert that they made for all of us, and I eat because I feel like it's the social thing to do. I need to practice smiling and saying, "no thank you, but that looks wonderful!"

I felt great before I ate the sandwich and lousy after. That tells me how I should proceed next time this happens!

Lesson by lesson I will make the changes I need to in mind AND body.

I have not given up, but yeah, I do need to get on the scale.Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/thoughts-on-past-and-future.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-89946468668888271752016-06-15T16:09:00.001-07:002016-06-15T16:09:21.397-07:00Thoughts on Eating Junk and Being Good or Bad
I've been thinking about my last post and comments, and wanted to share a bit more about how I feel about eating the way I have been lately. I shared that "On a bad (not healthy for me) day, I had a pancake, an egg, and bacon for breakfast with orange juice, a burger and fries for lunch, and a bean/cheese burrito with sour cream for dinner. Snacks were iced coffees with cream, a donut, some M&Ms, and a bowl of Doritos." I got a couple of emails and comments that scolded me for eating such things, which made me pause to think, why do some people see this as some kind of naughty behavior like a child with their hand in the cookie jar? Is *not* eating Doritos something that makes a person morally superior?

Well, I *did* call it a bad day. I didn't mean "bad" in the sense of sinful, evil, or shameful. I don't believe eating *any* food, even junk food, is a moral issue. I don't think going "off your diet" in a moment of weakness makes you a bad/evil person. (I am not on a diet, obviously...) What I meant by a "bad day" and what I tried to clarify by putting "not healthy for me" in parenthesis, is that some days I eat in a way that makes my body FEEL bad or become less healthy. For every person there are different "bad" foods FOR THEM. Maybe for you, shrimp is a good, healthy food. For me, it is a bad food because I am allergic and it will kill me. For some people, whole grain bread is a wonderful, healthy choice while for others who need to eat gluten free, it is a bad one. This isn't a moral thing. It's a health one. Mental and physical. I don't feel well and my body is not its healthiest when I eat a lot of carbs, especially sugar.

So another comment told me I did not eat anything healthy on my "bad" day, and that made me do a double take at my post because I don't remember having a total junk day. I do try to eat healthy things every day. Let's examine the foods I listed for my bad day:

Breakfast: a pancake, an egg, and bacon for breakfast with orange juice
Lunch: a burger and fries for lunch
Dinner: a bean/cheese burrito with sour cream.
Snacks: iced coffees with cream, a donut, some M&Ms, and a bowl of Doritos

Interestingly, a lot of these things would also be eaten on a "good" day. What made it bad was the inflammatory, higher carb choices.

Eggs and bacon are a usual breakfast choice. Good protein. But instead of a piece of fruit, I had juice. And I added a high carb pancake. (Yes, one small pancake, not a stack of pancakes).
The burger was composed of lean, grass fed beef (a healthy choice for me) but having it on a bun instead of on a plate also increased my carbs. Baked white potato fries are not a usual choice for me either; I'd have felt better with a few sweet potato fries and some green vegetables.
As for a burrito, I don't eat beans very often (carbs) but they are still a nutritious food. Cheese is also something I eat on "good" days, and so is a spoon of sour cream as a condiment. So what made this one unhealthy for me was the tortilla. What is lacking here is vegetables.
Obviously the snacks are where I went totally south, except for the coffee and cream which I have daily (no sugar).

Did I eat the donut because I had given up and was just eating whatever I wanted for the day? No. I ate the donut because someone offered it, it looked good, and I felt like it.

Did I eat the M&M's because I was on a binge run to the store, craving candy pellets? No. I ate them out of boredom, waiting for one of my kids for an hour in a parking lot by a 7-11.

Did I eat the bowl of Doritos in shame and craving? No, I just felt like having them. They taste good and my son had bought some so I put a serving in a bowl and ate them.

To me, it makes a big difference whether I am feeling out of control and running to the store for food and eating it all, or am I just eating stuff in smaller amounts because at the moment it seems like it would taste yummy and I am not really in diet mode and honestly don't give too much of a darn whether or not I am eating healthy. I dunno, I guess I am in a place some days of just focusing on other things, not weight loss, or carbs, or "omg I better not eat this chip, I better eat celery."

Really, today I was shopping and bought a chocolate bar with almonds. Why? I wasn't really craving it. It wasn't in my brain or calling to me. It is just nice to have it. It changes my emotions when I eat it. It makes me feel so cared for and nurtured and happy and calm. Is that nuts? I don't think it is. I've battled against those feelings (trying to get them from other places than food) but somehow going back to the chocolate bar is like a hug from an old friend. It's my safe place.

I know that isn't a great mindset to have and will get me fatter if I keep letting myself slide into that comfortable place. I have written about it *a lot* on this blog and I *know* this is a habit that will not serve me in the long run. But yet I am there, again, and not feeling very motivated to change it.

I do find joy and comfort in other things, other people in my life. It's not that chocolate is my only thing. It's that it is a very long, long standing thing that I know I can get any time, any place, and it ALWAYS has the desired effect.

I wish there was a pill that made me feel like chocolate does. I would be skinny then...

Anyway, I wrote this to let you know I am aware of what I am doing and where I'm at. I don't know *why* I landed here and I'm not even sure how or if I am going to break out and get some weight off. It is a mental state, one that is comfortable and happy and familiar even while physically it is miserable with the joint pain and other unpleasant effects of junk and high sugar and gaining weight. It is a limbo of sorts, but in my limbo room there are two doors out: one to the binge cycle and morbid obesity, and the other to the controlled healthy eating and exercise, because I can't stay in limbo forever.

Thanks for listening. I am happy... happy with my chocolate... but there is that nagging little voice telling me it is all an illusion.

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/thoughts-on-eating-junk-and-being-good.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-86508082665530132082016-06-12T14:13:00.000-07:002016-06-12T14:13:03.345-07:00Update
It's been a super busy week and I'm not sure what to write about. But I wanted to touch base here, so I will just throw out a few things I think of to share.

I haven't gotten on the scale yet. I am still averting my eyes every time I go into the bathroom and trying to not feel guilty for not knowing what I weigh. I can be pretty sure it is more than the 227 I saw last time I weighed, because my pants are tight. I am just feeling too emotionally vulnerable about my weight to face a number at the moment. Dumb, and against all advice I have ever given on this blog, but that's where I'm at so I own it.

My eating still goes back and forth quite a bit. For example, yesterday I'd call a good (healthy) day: protein cereal with berries and almond milk for breakfast, a big salad of CSA box lettuce, spinach, and pea pods topped with grated cheddar and some Ranch dressing for lunch, and dinner was a nice piece of steak over a bed of greens and vegetables with blue cheese dressing. My snacks were watermelon, cherries, strawberries, blueberries, and a string cheese, and before bed I had a cup of decaf coffee and a square of dark chocolate. On a bad (not healthy for me) day, I had a pancake, an egg, and bacon for breakfast with orange juice, a burger and fries for lunch, and a bean/cheese burrito with sour cream for dinner. Snacks were iced coffees with cream, a donut, some M&Ms, and a bowl of Doritos. See how my bad days lack produce?? I know that when I focus on produce instead of on what I "shouldn't" eat, I do much better. So I did have more good days than bad this week and am still trying to find a balance.

This week's CSA box contained loads of fresh organic blueberries, white and red radishes, a bag of mixed greens, zucchinis, asparagus, and cherries. I think I will be buying some fresh salmon to put on the grill (on a cedar plank) this week. Tonight's dinner is going to be the last of the kale and spinach cooked with onions, garlic, and bacon, along with stir fried pea pods and fresh berries and watermelon. I am not making any meat tonight.

I have been really busy the last couple of weeks but now, finally, school is out, graduations are over, dance recitals are finished and everything is wrapped up for the summer. I am so excited that this year I am taking three of my kids, one of their friends, and my dog on a fishing trip! We are staying at a cabin in the woods on a lake where there are lots of trout and bass, places to swim and a dock for the boat. It's been tough to get my adult kids together for vacations the last couple years since they are all grown up and have jobs and other obligations so it'll be fun for us to spend time together. I can't wait!

One of these days this is going to click for me again. Seems like I am doing the same thing I used to do long ago, eating healthy for a few days and then junk for a couple days... switching back and forth a lot. As the healthy days get strung together it gets easier to say no to the junk, and at some point they will string together enough to see my weight go down again. I am not just sitting here waiting for it to happen, though. I am trying, every day, to make healthy choices and go longer and longer between episodes of eating poorly. It's a deeply ingrained habit but I am very proud, and glad, that my eating is 90% better than it was before I started blogging. I am not the white knuckling type, but I am working at it. I will see results, hopefully soon. When my pants stop being tight I am going to weigh.Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/update.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-42549768811924499432016-06-05T17:01:00.000-07:002016-06-05T18:18:44.807-07:00Why No Weigh In
Last week I got a couple of emails asking about my lack of June 1 weigh in. One asked if I was avoiding weighing because of a possible gain, or if I weighed and got a "bad number" that I don't want to share. Well, it's true I almost always post a weigh in on the first of every month. I used to post a weigh in every Sunday. Let me tell you why I didn't weigh in.

I am afraid that I might have gained. My eating has not been stellar the last couple weeks. Yeah, I have good days, even strings of them, but the bad days are getting more frequent. This week was the worst so far. I found myself saying yes to junk and carbs WAY more often.

I feel like what I had last year, where I could eat a small amount of anything I wanted and didn't have cravings, and didn't want more and more, and felt fine and lost weight because I ate very healthy 90% of the time, is falling apart. It is snowballing into more and more frequent indulgences, bigger servings, and worse choices (i.e., instead of one scoop of healthy-ingredient ice cream, a big hot fudge sundae with nuts and whipped cream; or instead of 5 potato chips with my cut up veggies, a large order of French fries with Ranch to dip them in). I don't know what, if anything, caused things to change. I liked it the way it was. I am feeling VERY uncomfortable and vulnerable about the way it is right now.

Just this week I had my first recurrence of "food obsession." If you've read my blog much, you remember how bad it used to be and know that it pretty much disappeared over the last year. But yes, this week it happened and it was so familiar and scary that it shook me. I was in a room with a bunch of people and several boxes of donuts. People were eating them. I decided I didn't need that. We all walked out of the room. A woman near me held this perfect, beautiful chocolate glazed donut and started eating it, and it somehow was suddenly imprinted on my brain like a big round branding iron seared it there. I kept seeing those donuts for HOURS in my mind. Eventually I drove to the donut shop and bought one. This is bad. This is very bad. That is what I used to do years ago when a food would get stuck in my head and beg me to eat it until I gave in and bought it. This is a rebirth of food obsession. If the food obsession comes back, so will the eating compulsion. And if the compulsive eating comes back, it is a very short walk back to binge eating. I WILL NOT go back there. "There" is a place I never want to be again. Binge eating is the equivalent of me being 280+ pounds. The two are inextricably linked.

So I have been trying to figure out how to make it stop because I feel like I have had such peace with food over the past year, and I want that to continue. Is it something I ate that made the switch flip back the other way? Is it stress? Is it some combination of things in my lifestyle? Maybe I just went too far over on the junk meter lately and it is turning my brain back into the addict brain.

I don't know. It is SCARING me.

My pants are tight. I haven't weighed in, like, 2 weeks (I was 227). I am really afraid. In the past I have gained very rapidly... 10 or 11 pounds in a week... and although I don't THINK I have done that, I don't know. Part of me doesn't *want* to know. Part of me wants to go on some crash diet, only eat vegetables and protein bars until I don't feel bloated anymore, and THEN weigh. It is so stupid.

So that's why no weigh in. I am afraid. I feel fat. I don't want to face it. I'm not sure what to do except go back to saying no to ALL junk and hope that is enough to stop the obsessive thoughts but also not enough to make me feel so restricted that I want to binge. My skin is also the worst it has been, EVER. My rosacea got so bad this week that I went to the doctor and he gave me steroid cream for it. It looks like I got a sunburn and then was slapped in the face several times, and the skin is flaking and peeling. Really bad...

I don't want to be fat.
I don't want to gain weight again.
I don't want to be restricted and trigger binges.
I don't want to have food in control of me, the way it used to be.

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/why-no-weigh-in.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-41131607727802395352016-06-02T18:08:00.003-07:002016-06-02T18:08:52.589-07:00CSA Box 3 and Stuff
This week, the CSA box arrived before I had even used up all of last week's produce. I still have some asparagus and some kale, although I did make kale chips with part of it...

They were crispy and salty and very good!

The box this week contained:

more asparagus
strawberries
fresh garlic
shallots
baby lettuce
spinach
more sugar snap peas

Okay, I admit that getting asparagus 3 weeks in a row is a little boring. But today I bought a new grill for the deck and I'm going to grill this batch of asparagus when I made burgers this weekend! That will take the boredom out of it!

That's all for now. I'm headed on a little 2 day mini vacation to the mountains with my daughter and one of the dogs. It'll be a fun break, and I'll use up this produce when I get back. (We're eating the strawberries and salad tonight, and I think the snap peas are coming along on the trip as a snack!)

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/csa-box-3-and-stuff.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-40605144082543716322016-06-01T18:52:00.001-07:002016-06-01T18:52:25.119-07:00Chicken and Bok Choy: A Healthy Farmer's Market Recipe
This week I made something easy and delicious with the bok choy I received in my farmer's market CSA box: a tasty chicken and bok choy recipe that I served over rice (for the kids) or riced cauliflower (for the low carbers or those trying to eat less grains and more veggies). I found several versions of this on various websites so I just adapted it to my own needs. Without any further commentary, here it is.

Chicken and Bok Choy

Heat a tablespoon of oil in a pan. I used avocado oil but if I had toasted sesame oil I would have used that for half of the oil, for flavor.

Slice a small onion and put it in the pan to cook. I used baby red onions; you can use any onions you have on hand. Green onions (scallions) would be great! Cook and stir until a little soft and then add 4 or 5 sliced cloves of garlic. Cook for a few more minutes.

Then add about a pound and a half of raw chicken cut into 1" pieces. I used chicken breast but thighs would be fine, too. A little salt and plenty of pepper over the top, stir and begin to brown a little.

Add 1 cup of low sodium chicken stock and 1/2 c low sodium soy sauce or coconut aminos, a couple shakes of powdered ginger (or minced fresh ginger if you have it), and give it a stir.

Meanwhile you want to prep the bok choy. Use one large bunch with the bottoms trimmed off. Cut off the white stems and dice them and add them to the chicken and sauce; give it a stir. Then chop the bok choy leaves and spread them over the top without stirring.

Put the lid on the pan, bring to a boil, lower the heat and cook about 7 minutes. Then give it a stir.

Mix about 1/4 cup of cold water with 2 Tbsp cornstarch (you may omit this if you are avoiding corn, but the sauce will be very thin. You could also use an alternate thickener of your choice.) Add and stir, cooking until slightly thickened.

Add a cup of roasted cashews or almonds. Stir and heat until hot. Serve over rice or cauliflower rice.

You could leave out the nuts if you are really trying to keep the carbs low. If you omit the nuts I would add some extra veggies with the bok choy... maybe broccoli and carrots.

If you get a chance to make this let me know how you like it! My family thought it was great.Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/06/chicken-and-bok-choy-healthy-farmers.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-26746098101465897182016-05-28T19:47:00.000-07:002016-05-28T19:47:28.399-07:00What To Do With a CSA Box, and My Challenge to You
I'm really enjoying getting a nice big box of "surprise" produce every week so far! It's given me the incentive to find ways to use up all the fruit and veggies before they spoil, and I love trying new things. I've gotten a comment or two and a few emails mentioning that some of you haven't tried many types of vegetables. One email said that "... the only vegetables I know how to fix are salads or easy things like peas or broccoli that I can boil. I wish I had your creativity." So I thought I would give you a challenge: find ONE new vegetable this week that you can try! If you have a farmer's market, go and take a look there. You can ask the vendors for suggestions on how to prepare the produce they are selling; in my experience, they are happy to share their multitude of ideas and recipes (and they have lots of them, since they grow the veggies and have an abundance for their family to eat). If you don't have a local market, just hit the grocery store and look around the produce section for something you've never tried. Come home and Google how to store and prepare it. Maybe try some of it raw and some cooked. But try ONE new thing this week, and if you would come back and share what you tried I'd love to hear about it! Maybe this will inspire you to try something new next week, too!

As for my CSA boxes, I have a lot of cooking methods up my sleeve. I eat some raw, and I know how to lightly steam, boil, stew, bake, and roast lots of veggies. I also look online for new ideas by Googling (name of vegetable) recipes and then clicking "images" to get some ideas. I find something that looks good, and then I click the picture and read the recipe. For example: radish recipes. Cool, right?

Here is a list of the foods I have gotten so far and how I prepped them, as well as other ways I have made them that work well:

Asparagus: I cut these into pieces, tossed with a little olive oil and salt, and roasted them until browned. I also love it lightly steamed or added to a stir fry, or made into asparagus soup.
Mixed baby greens: We ate some as a salad, and I steamed the rest with onions and garlic. They're good in soups, too.
Strawberries: We've just been slicing them and having them with dinner, or eating as a snack. Also good in yogurt or cereal.
Young red onions: you can slice them thinly into salad or use them in any recipe calling for onions. Really good in broccoli salad.
Fresh garlic bulbs: You can slice the cloves and use them in any recipe calling for garlic. You can take the rest of the bulb (the thick part that you peel off... this is not papery in fresh garlic (only papery when dried) and saute it in some butter. Then strain it out and you have a nice garlic butter.
Rhubarb: I do not eat rhubarb because it is high in oxalates and I'm prone to kidney stones, but I've cut it up and cooked it with some lemon and sugar for pie and tart fillings. There are some interesting recipes for salads containing rhubarb on Google, too, if you don't want something sugary.
White radishes: raw in salads, or roasted as above (like asparagus). You can cut them up and use them as potato substitutes in soups, with pot roasts and as hash browns.
Sugar snap peas: really good raw or lightly steamed (eat the pods). Great in stir fries, too!
Kohlrabi with greens: Cook the greens with onion and garlic. Cube the kohlrabi and roast it. I think it would be good boiled, too.
Curly kale: Make it into a kale salad, or roast it into chips. It's also good cooked with onions, garlic, and ham cubes.
Purple asparagus: prepare the same way as regular asparagus
Bok choy: I love this is stir fries or in a crunchy oriental salad with almonds, sesame oil, and green onions.
Cilantro: put into salsa or cook with some chicken and lime.

Have fun trying new recipes! If you run out of ideas, you can take a look at my Produce Guide or my Recipe Page (which has lots of vegetable based recipes). Branch out, try something new, and enjoy your veggies!

Lynhttp://email@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/05/what-to-do-with-csa-box-and-my.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-58047406860656290092016-05-26T17:50:00.000-07:002016-05-26T17:50:04.098-07:00CSA Box Week 2: Trying to Sub Produce for Other Foods
This week's CSA box arrived with lots of healthy goodies. I call them "goodies" because I'm trying to psych myself up into eating vegetables instead of potato chips, and fruit instead of sweets. It's been a busy and junky week eating too many of the wrong things, although I did also eat many of the right things, too. It's a mindset, for me. Some days the mindset is for health, and some days the mindset is for crap.

Mindset A: Wow, I can't wait to trim the vegetables and get them roasted for lunch! I feel so much better eating healthy foods, and they're so delicious I don't even miss the junk!

Mindset B: Meh, I don't want fruit, I want a cupcake.

The difference in the mindsets isn't really just what I "want" to eat. It's what I "want" to FEEL. Do I want to feel life? Or do I want to feel numb? That's what it all comes down to. That's what comfort eating has always been about for me. The trick is to push Mindset A as much as possible (fake it til you make it) and tell myself that after I eat my healthy produce, if I still want a cupcake, I can have it. ONE. From a bakery. Not a dozen, not from a Hostess box, not giant sized. And then I will not indulge in that kind of thing again for at least a couple of days. I'd say I am at about 70% Mindset A this week, but the 30% Mindset B gets tiring. That 30% is more than usual, probably just due to hormones and stuff.

The CSA box pushes Mindset A very well! Getting all this local, organic food that was just picked yesterday or today makes me feel happy, and privileged to have it (I know it is a blessing because there was a time I couldn't afford *any* produce, much less organic and local and delivered to my front door). So I treasure it and it becomes the special thing (over the cupcake) and I take good care of it, and make sure none of it goes to waste.

For dinner the other day I used up the last of the first CSA box and the last of the mini fridge produce (yes, my new fridge came!): sloppy joes with steamed mixed greens, roasted carrots, white radishes, and asparagus, and cut up strawberries. It was a great meal!

Here is today's CSA box. It is stacked up so there is more volume than the photo appears to show:

Sugar snap peas
Kohlrabi with greens
Curly kale
Purple asparagus
Bok choy
Cilantro
and lots of strawberries!

I bought some Rubbermaid FreshWorks containers and use them to keep the produce fresh longer. It really works! The berries were put in there unwashed and they stayed fresh and perfect for much longer. Having this produce makes me stop thinking about candy bars and helps me focus on what I can make with all my fresh veggies. Because yes, I still get in a mood sometimes for candy or junk, and yes I even still have some on occasion. But the less often, the better, and this stuff distracts me from the junk.

I am thinking about doing a week (or more) where I only eat local foods from the farmer's market, CSA box and produce stands. I think that would be a fun challenge; I can get pastured meats and dairy, local nuts and produce, local honey and herbs from those places. That would mean no breads or oranges or bananas... nothing out of season, either. I think what I'd miss the most is avocados! But I bet I would enjoy the challenge. I am probably going to try this at some point in June. Maybe you can do it with me!

Lynhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://www.escapefromobesity.net/2016/05/csa-box-week-2-trying-to-sub-produce.html


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Vacation has officially arrived! Today, I'm hopping on a plane to the Caribbean and I could not be more excited. I've been insanely busy with work lately, and though it'll be weird to take a step back for a week, I am looking forward to a little time off. I'm also looking forward to spending a week with my family, Stephen, my brother's sweet girlfriend, and our cousin. We don't have a set schedule as of yet, but I have several books and magazine packed, plenty of sunscreen, and my favorite bikinis, so I'm all ready to go.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Friday, July 22, 2016
Coffee Date: Volume 5 | Q+A
Happy Friday! It's safe to say I'm happy the weekend is here. At the moment, I'm on the second and final day of a big work event, and though though this event is a very rewarding experience, it'll be nice to take a deep breath this evening. I'm also happy to be back with the fifth edition of Coffee Date, chatting about some of my recent purchases from the #NSALE as well as this fun Q+A that I first saw on Biana's blog. I always love getting to know my favorite bloggers a little better - so here's to answering the Only One Q + A.
Labels: coffeedate
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Resort Chic
dress, sandals, clutch, similar cuff, sunglasses
This dress has been a style experiment for me. When I saw it online, the material appeared to look dressier, and I purchased it for an outdoor garden wedding. When I took it out of the box, it was not as impressing, but I still loved the open back detail and flowy shape, perfect for a hot summer wedding. I styled it with heels, dressy jewelry, and bright lips and when I walked out the door, I liked the combo. In photos from the wedding, however, I was unimpressed with the ensemble, and I wished I had chosen something differently.
Monday, July 18, 2016
White Top
top / shorts / shoes / bag / sunglasses
Happy Monday! It's hard to believe this week is here - I have a big work event coming up on Thursday and Friday, and it seems like I should still have a month away to prepare. I know I'll be all over the place this week, but I'm really looking forward to it - and just hope that everything goes well!
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Summer Accessory Essentials
There are a lot of really cute clothes in style for this summer—from fun, printed shorts to flowy tops to tribal maxis that can be worn just about anywhere. But sometimes we forget that outfits are nothing without the accessories we pair with them. Adding the right necklace to a look or choosing certain shoes can completely elevate an outfit. With that being said, this post is dedicated to some of the most coveted summer accessories that are must-haves for this season.
Friday, July 15, 2016
#NSALE - Nordstrom Early Access
top / bikini top (similar bralette) / shorts / sunglasses
Oh, the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale - it's the shopping event that everyone is talking about. The #NSALE is the reason I have a Nordstrom Credit Card, because as a card holder, you get early access to the sale that officially kicks off July 22nd. During last year's sale, I snagged a pair of riding boots (that I sent back because they didn't quite look right) and a Rebecca Minkoff bag that I've used so much over the last year.
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It's a little cloudy over Britain: Incredible picture of the perfectly formed cloud in the shape of the British Isles
- Sue Strang captures cloud with eery resemblance to the region
- Scotland, Ireland, Wales and England clearly defined in stunning picture
- Even some Scottish islands are in the right place
A walker has captured an incredible photo of two clouds shaped like the British Isles.
Sue Strang, 44, was amazed when she spotted the remarkable cloud formation, while walking with her husband, Chris Corlett.
'We were out walking and as I looked in the sky I suddenly saw the clouds, so I grabbed my mobile to take a photo,' said Sue, from the Isle of Man.
Cloud atlas: A walker captured an incredible photo of two clouds shaped like the British Isles over the Isle of Man
Uncanny: The British Isles as seen from space. The cloud even has some of the Scottish isles in roughly the right place
'I couldn't believe it at first, you can clearly make out England, with a pointed part for Cornwall and the other cloud looks exactly like Ireland.'
Sue, who works as a public servant for the Communications Commission, saw the cloud at Marine Drive on a recent walk from Port Soderick to Douglas on the Isle of Man.
The wispy clouds clearly show England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales and even some of the Scottish islands.
Fluffy feline: This incredible cloud resembling a giant kitten was spotted by photographer Peter Van Allen above Portland Harbour in Dorset
Heavenly vision: This incredible angelic figure emerged from the clouds above a Buddhist temple at The Grand Palace in Bangkok, Thailand, while photographer Isres Chorphaka was visiting
Love is in the air: A distinctive heart-shaped cloud floats above Falmouth in Cornwall in 2009
Where's the sleigh?: This cloud in the shape of a reindeer was spotted by amateur photographer Alan Blacklock on the North Island of New Zealand
Swan fake: This serene scene of swans in flight was captured on the Hampshire coast last year
- Terror on the streets of Munich as gunman opens fire
- Obama's Malia joke in middle of tribute to Munich dead
- Man seen pacing on Munich shopping centre roof before shooting
- Jon Stewart lays into Trump and Fox News's Sean Hannity
- Man runs on Munich shopping centre roof after 'several' shot
- People flee as shots heard in Munich shopping centre
- Ivanka says dad 'will deliver' on making America great again
- Police search inside Olympia mall for Munich shooter
- Emergency services attend to injured after shooting in Munich
- Trump criticized for 'inappropriate' embrace of Ivanka at RNC
- This dog really doesn't want to get a bath from its owner
- EMALS Tested aboard PCU Gerald R. Ford (CVN 78)
- Did Munich killer Ali Sonboly lure children to their deaths...
- Grinning Obama JOKES during statement on Munich carnage as...
- Hiding in the engine, packed side by side in the trunk and...
- What is wrong with the picture? Fisherman enjoys a day out...
- Giant 'megathrust' fault is discovered in the Earth's crust...
- 'I see your bulls***!' Jon Stewart triggers the censors as...
- Moment terrified shoppers cowered inside Munich mall as...
- US Navy's newest $12.9bn supercarrier doesn't work: Most...
- 'He's a monarchist MONSTER': Kate and William accused of...
- Done saving the planet, Leo? Di Caprio hops from his...
- HIV infected man is paid £3 to take girls' virginity as part...
- Hillary Clinton picks Tim Kaine as her veep: Clinton opts...


text:
The Tall Man Reviews
Mark Pfeiffer
Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
February 4, 2013
The Tall Man comes as close as anything in recent years at matching the better monster-of-the-week episodes of The X-Files.
Full Review | Original Score: B
Anton Bitel
Sight and Sound
Sight and Sound
November 15, 2012
for all this thriller's tautness, its true horror emerges from the uncomfortable ethical questions that it poses - and leaves us to answer for ourselves in the dark.
David Nusair
Reel Film Reviews
Reel Film Reviews
October 4, 2012
Laugier, as was the case with Martyrs, takes the story in a completely unpredictable and, for a while, baffling direction.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
Marshall Fine
Hollywood & Fine
Hollywood & Fine
September 4, 2012
Works surprisingly well, given where it winds up. Give it a chance if you're looking for an unexpected surprise.
Betty Jo Tucker
ReelTalk Movie Reviews
ReelTalk Movie Reviews
September 2, 2012
Leaving behind any trace of her eye-candy image, Jessica Biel delivers the performance of her career in 'The Tall Man.'
Witney Seibold
September 1, 2012
A spooky and atmospheric little thriller that contains some actual and unexpected surprises.
Full Review | Original Score: 6.5/10
Top Critic
Stephen Whitty
Newark Star-Ledger
Newark Star-Ledger
August 31, 2012
If you're a parent who ever, for one cold-sweat second, lost sight of your child at a playground - "The Tall Man" will tap into your darkest fears. And then make them even darker.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
Top Critic
Jeannette Catsoulis
New York Times
New York Times
August 30, 2012
"The Tall Man" opens like a ghost story and closes with its feet firmly in the real world. Until then, Pascal Laugier's chilly little thriller manhandles our sympathies and gladdens our eyes in almost equal measure.
| Original Score: 4/5
Top Critic
Scott Tobias
AV Club
AV Club
August 30, 2012
It's novel, thought-provoking, and defiant of genre expectations.
Full Review | Original Score: B
Richard Larson
Slant Magazine
Slant Magazine
August 30, 2012
Pascal Laugier's film illustrates the problem of class mobility with a dark, troubling premise that holds a harsh light up to our own assumptions and expectations.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
Jeremy Heilman
July 30, 2012
Almost to the same degree as Laugier's Martyrs, it changes its game midway through and makes audiences radically shift sympathies as its plot develops.
Full Review | Original Score: 61/100
Scott Weinberg
March 13, 2012
A sly, strange and subtly engaging horror story that will no doubt leave several viewers angry, confused, or arguing on twitter.
Full Review | Original Score: 4/5
Felix Vasquez Jr.
Cinema Crazed
Cinema Crazed
February 4, 2016
A colossal waste of time built around tricking us with illogical plot twists, and a convoluted hard to follow narrative.
Eric D. Snider
July 17, 2013
There's plenty to like about it in hindsight once it's all laid out, but it isn't enough to lift this mystery-thriller out of the realm of the mundane.
Full Review | Original Score: C
R. L. Shaffer
October 5, 2012
The Tall Man is a fine thriller that tragically falls off the rails, spiraling into dark, morally corrupt territory.
Full Review | Original Score: 5/10
Amy Curtis
We Got This Covered
We Got This Covered
September 15, 2012
Despite the excellently creepy subject matter, The Tall Man contains very little actual horror and ends up being quite a dud.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/10
Glenn Lovell
September 8, 2012
... can't decide if it wants to be 'High Tension,' 'Jeepers Creepers' or 'The Piped Piper of Hamelin' ... results are arty, jumbled and, ho-hum, Sunday School preachy.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Todd Jorgenson
September 7, 2012
The result is tedious instead of suspenseful.
Top Critic
Mark Olsen
Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times
August 31, 2012
Long on atmosphere and short on sense, "The Tall Man" becomes less gripping as it grows more ridiculous.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
Top Critic
Kyle Smith
New York Post
New York Post
August 31, 2012
"The Tall Man" spits out enough scares and twists to maintain our interest, but the film's psycho-sociological layer is almost as cheesy and unconvincing as its low-rent action scenes.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4


text:
The 'Eat This Food' blog comes from the minds of cook Pat Breen, photographer Sean Fennesy and graphic designer Jess Lillico. The three operate from their native Melbourne base where they unveil classic pumpkin pie and corned beef recipes by way of chic images.
These delectable guides can be downloaded by the sites visitors by way of PDFs. This is a novel approach to culinary instruction as the trio intersperses sweet and savory dishes with organized art.
Snapshots of dumplings and baked pastries draw hungry eyes to the Eat This Food pages. One of the best aspects is its informal nature. According to the description, the project is more so occasional than anything else, accounting for its often sporadic posts on short ribs, quinoa salads and olive oil tarts.
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Intricate Collage Paintings
Running Track Trains
Olympic Landscape Photography
Kid's Clothing Startups
Bird-Themed Tea Sets
Eat This Food Places Emphasis on Design and Layout
Nov 6, 2012By: Jordy E -
References: eatthisfood.net & missmoss.co.za
References: eatthisfood.net & missmoss.co.za