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Knowledge is Necessity
A Christian woman's insights shed new light on bipolar.
"While depression makes me feel abandoned by God, mania has always made me feel like I didn't need God."
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Duperman - The Adventure Continues
Mania - A Christian Perspective
Oh the thrill of mania! Why would I need God now? Things are good, my mind is sharp, quick and more clever than I thought possible. My energy level is flying and I seem to be able to handle everything that comes my way. Isn't life grand? I just don't see how life could get any better.
But wait a minute. Something is wrong. I can't seem to control my thoughts. I'm confused and everybody is really getting on my nerves. Why am I clenching my teeth until my jaw hurts? I'm out of control, where is everybody? God, where are you?
For me, mania, has always presented a very different problem between God and me than the state of depression. While depression makes me feel abandoned by God, mania has always made me feel like I didn't need God. The grandiose feeling that mania brings, tricks us into believing we are capable, even better at, controlling our lives than God is and that others may need God but we are doing just fine without Him. Even if we do believe that we need Him, we often feel His expectations are suffocating and tedious.
We don't feel that we should be held accountable to God or anyone else. I have found it difficult at times to slow my mind down enough to pray. Why bother? Somebody else will do it. God wants me to do what, stay faithful to my spouse? He wants me to make a commitment to His Son and follow His ways? I don't know if I have time.
Please don't misunderstand the above scenario and statements. They are not intended to be sarcastic in any way, nor are they meant to mock God and His Word. They are, however, valid examples of how I have felt during relapses and when I was much less interested in my relationship with God.
The grandiose feeling of mania is a lie, a lie that the disorder brings on and one that Satan uses to bring us into sin. While depression makes us want to withdrawal, mania lures us into the fast lane of promiscuity and filth and acting out on every whim and thought that enters our minds. The most ludicrous lie of all is that we do not need Jesus.
We bounce from one feeling to another and wonder why our lives seem out of control and have little genuine meaning. I have found, that mania has brought me into the types of sin that cause shame and regret. The call of the world and all that it offers is a useful tool for Satan when we give into mania.
But wait, God has not abandoned us and He still calls. His Word is still valid, His love is still available and He is waiting. I know how hard it is to slow down, to even care what Jesus did, but He is our hope. We must tuck God's Word into our hearts, we must pray as we are able, and we must establish a solid foundation with Christ while we are stable. My mind has been so confused with thoughts that all I could do was cry out "God help me". He always did. He uses people, His Spirit, and yes, even medication.
There is another aspect of bipolar, that some, but not all bipolars experience. I am talking about psychotic episodes. These episodes bring the unreal into our minds. We see and hear things that are not real. We feel fear with an intensity that paralyzes us. Oh the horrible faces we see and the grisly things they sometimes want us to do. The demons mock us and no matter where we run, they are there!
Our hearts pound! What should we do? As we sit on our beds, roaches by the hundreds are crawling everywhere. Can't you see them? Did I take my pill? I don't know. How long will this last? I don't know.
Unfortunately, I am one of those bipolars who has experienced that type of insanity. I feel psychotic episodes are one of the most horrible states one of God's children can find themselves in. There does not seem to be any reality and little if anything makes sense. Nobody watching understands or sees those horrible things and it's hard to call out for fear of reprisal.
But God understands. He does not leave! He has and will break through. I know this. He will calm the storm, if we allow Him. Perhaps He will send someone who will ask no questions but is willing to hold us and rock us. Perhaps, yes, maybe, His voice will break through the insanity. Or maybe we will suddenly remember a verse that we tucked into our hearts just last week and now it is just enough to pull us through. Oh God, thank you for loving me. How true you are to your Word.
The point I am trying to make is this; while we can't always pray (others will), while we're not always capable of reading, if our commitment is to God and His desires, we will remember that commitment during a relapse. We will ask for help, we will talk to others, we will not give up and we will know we can trust God during the good times and the bad times. God never changes, His love and acceptance of us remains true. Seek His face and be blessed by His presence. The scriptures hold His truths. Jesus died for the mania part of bipolar just as much as everything else we experience. I believe Jesus weeps with us and intercedes for us in this state.
The article above is from the author's new book, "Seek His Face He Will Provide" (PublishAmerica), with a message of hope and peace through God. Gayle has struggled with her illness for 18 years through street drugs and alcohol and divorce and suicidal ideation prior to finding the embrace of a loving God.
You can order the book from Publish America and from Amazon.com and you can check out Gayle's website.
For three free online issues of McMan's Depression and Bipolar Weekly, email me and put "Sample" in the heading and your email address in the body.
Michele (Nov 28, 2002): I am a devout Christian who is bipolar. In my early 20's I had a psychotic hyper-manic episode that left me depressed for years. In my early 30's I began to feel content and at peace with myself, got married, had children and started to feel like a normal human being. I had unwisely married a heroin addict and after 7 years tired of the problems, so left him. The struggle to support 2 children on my own combined with other setbacks threw me into a state of panic which progressed to a manic state then into a hyper-manic episode. It has been a year and a half since my episode and I have been very aware of every mood swing and irritability and have been working with my Doctors to find the proper medication. I seem to be doing well on Neurontin which is an anti-convulsant/mood stabilizer. I have been wondering how my faith and relationship with God relate to my bipolar disorder. This article was very interesting. It didn't give me any solid answers to the thoughts I have, but it was so nice to read another bipolar Christian's thoughts. I would love to read more messages or articles on this subject. God Bless You!!!
McMan (Nov 28): Very glad you enjoyed Gayle's article, Michele. I'm sure you will really enjoy her book. Here's my spiritual take on it, which comes from a talk I gave to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance annual conference in Aug 2002:
In the New English Version translation of the Book of Ecclesiastes, it says: "In dealing with men it is God's purpose to test them and see what they truly are." It's the only explanation, in my opinion, for why bad things happen to good people. For all the suffering all of us in this room have endured - all the pain, tragedy, humiliation, hardship, and loss - I know we are far better beings as a consequence. We may hate our illness, but we can hardly hate what our illness has made of us.
Faithflower (May 2, 2003): It is 2:30 in the morning and I
couldn't sleep. One of the reasons for this is that I have gone off my
medication. I tried praying and relaxation techniques, but just felt I
needed to get up. Since going off meds it has been about 2 weeks) I have
been searching for alternatives to this type of therapy. While searching the
Web, I started finding all sorts of stuff that wasn't available before ( or
maybe I just wasn't interested in looking). It amazed me. Other Christians
struggle with the same stuff, which is something I didn't realize when I was
first diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 37.
McMan (May 2): Hi, Faithflower. A parable: A man was on the roof of his house as the rising flood waters threatened to overwhelm him. A boat happened by, but he refused a lift, as he was confident that God would rescue him. A helicopter happened by, but he waved it off, knowing God was on the way. The flood waters overtook him, and he found himself at the Pearly Gates facing his Creator. "Lord," he asked, "why didn't you rescue me?" And God replied, "What do you mean? I sent you a boat and a helicopter."
Your meds may have been the wrong ones, Faithflower, but you can work with your psychiatrist in finding the right ones with the right doses. You can also work with others on lifestyle and coping techniques. God works through agents on earth. Once you get treatment/lifestyle/coping working for you, you will find God Power works a lot better.
Madeleine (July 10, 2003): This is a message for Faithflower.
I am twenty years old and I have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder
(although it is something that I have been suspecting for a long time.) I,
like you, hate the side effects of every medication (anti-depressants,
sleeping pills, antipsychotics) that I have ever been given. I, like you,
often have trouble sleeping without meds. However, I also have trouble
sleeping with meds. In fact, I have trouble sleeping a lot of the time and
have had this trouble for as long as I can remember (as a young child, I
would read until the early hours of the morning because i couldn't sleep and
i was afraid of being "alone").
One thing that I have found helpful is to render myself accountable to a
spiritual director (as opposed to a psychiatrist or therapist). Don't get
me wrong: I have a lot of respect for those in the medical profession. that
being said, I prefer to bring all of my problems to God before I bring them
elsewhere, and the presence of an older and wiser Christian is helpful to
Johno (Nov 14, 2003): I am 31, in my fourth year of studying for the Catholic priesthood. I am new to psychiatric treatment but still undiagnosed. I'm on Zyprexa - now and again - and it looks like I'm bipolar. I sometimes wonder whether my whole religious "calling" is merely the result of a chemical imbalance. I used to empathise with the spiritual turmoil of the likes of St Augustine in his Confessions, but now doubt whether we are are equal footing - are we dealing with the same "demons" - or am I just a chemical imbalance on legs?. I've been through a couple of traumatic episodes, being raped while overseas 7 years ago and wonder whether this triggered my mania and current impulsive/compulsive/alcoholic behaviour - or maybe whether my mania put me in a position to experience this trauma in the first place. I realise that my psychiatrist is not a counsellor and he only wants to hear about current symptoms and whether I'm taking my medication or not. I don't even know what psychosis is, but I'm sure my night frights every couple of months are close - when I wake up not knowing where I am and stumble around my room terrified until I find a familiar item or doorknob to set me free. How can i relate with St Augustine when all I have to do is take a pill and the symptoms ease?
I study philosophy and theology and know all about the debates on human free will - yes we all have God-given free will to choose our behaviour. Sounds good in theory. How can I preach about free will or give advice to other tormented souls when I've had such a warped and unbalanced experience of life and have lost all control of my own life? How can I speak about morality? How can I speak about relationships, temperance, sobriety? I can talk a lot about suffering and failure but most people only speak publicly about their sufferings after they've seen the light at the end of the tunnel. But even the Gospel of Mark ended originally with the burial of Jesus after he was crucified - nothing about the Resurrection appearances - but early church scribes thought it wise to tack on something about the Resurrection to leave no doubts for the faithful. Is not our faith a hope in something we can't see? Well that's all I have. And if St Augustine had taken Zyprexa would he have reached the spiritual enlightenment to inspire such prose as this..........?
St Augustine (Confessions): "Though I was so enamoured of a happy life I
feared to find it in its true home, and fled from it even as I sought
it......This partial willing and partial non-willing is thus not so bizarre,
but a sickness of the mind, which cannot rise with its whole self on the
wings of truth because it is heavily burdened by habit. There are two wills,
then, and neither is the whole: what one has the other lacks."
McMan (Nov 14): Hi, Johno. The term, "chemical imbalance," is a misnomer, as we don't know which chemicals in the brain lack balance. Even assuming we have a chemical imbalance, we're talking about something very subjective and relative. Your mind is your own mind, stray chemicals and all. Yes, sometimes our illness causes us to lose control, but those situations are never permanent. And yes, some of our spiritual insights, I believe, are a gift of our illness. Your spiritual insights - whether the result of your illness or not - are only abnormal in the sense that most of the population remains hopelessly mired in the mundane. Evolutionary biologists would say we need the occasional different person to shake up the status quo. A religious interpretation would be that it is God's plan. Whatever the cause, it is a rare gift and you are entering the perfect calling to use it and help others. As to whether Zyprexa would have changed St Augustine, I come down on a firm "No." The meds we have don't work well enough to turn us into contented sheep 24 hours a day. Someday, genetic engineering may deprive the St Augustines in our midst of their long dark nights of the soul, as well as their mystic visions, but thankfully this is not yet a worry.
William (Feb 24, 2004): As a 30 year sufferer from bipolar 1
I found the article interesting, like one of the previous posts I am on
medication that has severe side effects, I take Lithium, Zyprexa and Lexapro.
Luxiquin (June 19, 2004): I've never posted anything on a
website before. I'm dumbfounded that I'm doing this now and here.
McMan (June 19): Hi, Luxiquin. The spiritual journey is a struggle. I believe that only through struggle do we come in touch with our own humanity and divinity. A quick read of the Bible shows God put all his servants to the test, from Abraham to the Biblical prophets to Jesus to St Paul. Abraham may have walked with God, but as long as Sarah stayed barren he refused to accept God completely at his word. All kinds of hardships and humiliations were visited on the prophets, through whom God spoke to the Hebrews. For his Son, he reserved his harshest treatment, and for the one he chose to spread the Good News to the Greeks, shipwrecks, imprisonment, being set upon by mobs, disillusionment, and on and on.
So from your Christian perspective, bipolar disorder is God's gift to you. The way to achieve closeness to God is through a constant round of tests. Yes, you will suffer and you will experience disillusionment, but you will also emerge a spiritual warrior. You may feel God has abandoned you right now, but be assured God is walking with you.
Ekrib (July 8, 2004): I just read the message from the person dated June 19th and my heart goes out to them. I just had an appt today with a psychiatrist that told me i'm bipolar 2. that feeling that you have that you're alone without God is so familar to me too, because when you're so alone with the problems that seem crazy to explain to someone you wonder why God would let you go through something like this. If I've learned anything from this hardship is that anytime I feel abandoned by God it's me who's done the abdonment. God promised all of us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. And i know that God doesn't lie- but my mind can. I know He's the only reason I'm alive today and can get through this. I really thank Him too for people like you to let me know that I"m not a freak and I'm not alone. Sometimes we really need God "with skin on". I'll be praying for you - don't give up!
Scott 10/20: I've enjoyed reading the posts. I too have Bipolar Disorder which was diagnosed about 5 years ago (but like some I've had it for many years prior). It has been a long haul. For years I was misdiagnosed and give medications for depression that sent me into several almost life-ending fights with mania. My dear Wife would call my doctor and tell him that the meds were not working and he would brush her off and said "he is in mid-life crisis ". I left him and my next MD told me "at least you had the fun metal illness ". I pray for both of these individuals everyday in hopes they can heal what troubles them.
I spent long periods of time in individual therapy, group therapy, I have been hospitalized and in intensive out-patient treatment programs (IOP). My medication plan has gone from 7 meds at one time to 1 (and at a low dose).
Along the way I was blessed in finding an team of doctors in a Christian based medical ministry. Everything we do is God based, all medical management is done with intense prayer. My doc's are the messengers - GOD is the healer.
With each and every healing I have gotten stronger in faith and healthier in mind - body. Issues that I spent years on in "traditional" therapy and barely made a dent in were completely healed in one or two sessions with prayer to GOD and asking him to reveal and heal my life wounds. As I asked GOD to show me my wounds he would show me things that I could never comprehend in other treatment (they are bandaids - GOD gives the truth). I constantly wanted more healing - like a kid wants to play!
I talk to GOD all the time, and he speaks loudly. He makes all my decisions in life now. I've given it to him. It's LOVE!!! With God things and baggage that I carried for years is just not an issue anymore.
You can do this too. With God as your doctor you can be healed. Yes, you still need an MD, and you still need your meds. But it becomes effortless with the Lord.
I pray for all of you that God heals each of you the way he has done it for me. I am your friend in Christ.
With much Christian Love,
Mary (Feb 9, 2005): On Bipolar I have just been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and am so confused. I thought I was a good Christian before but am struggling to believe from moment to moment that I am truly saved. I am 40 years old and cant bring myself to tell my Charismatic Mother that I have this illness. She has always doubted my Christianity as it is because I have never spoken in tongues. I am constantly trying to find the reassurance that the Euphoric feelings of God holding me in his arms really happened to me then all this doubt would go away. As it is I go from one belief to another and can decide on anything. I am taking Trileptal and Wellbutrin for the depression.
Rainy 3/13: I think religion and mental illness are two complete separate things. God isn't going to cure your bipolar no more than he cured my dad of cancer. Or his paranoid Schizophrenia. Where was god then??? He cant help me with my Bipolar. The pharmacist can. The guy who write the script can.
Bonny 4/13: Dear brothers and sisters in Christ - I've just recently been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, after 38 years... "That explains everything" probably one of the most common sentence after finding out that you're Bi-Polar. When I found out, that was my first response. It hit me hard. My second was a mix of feelings: fear, frustration, sadness, anger, yet there was peace, comfort, and relief. Help was on its way. I take three different medicines- one for depression, one to stabilize me, and one to help me sleep. And they do help.
Being Bi-Polar is often a struggle and is challenging in itself, but being a Bi-Polar Christian is even more difficult and confusing. Not only do I face the challenges of physical, emotional, and 'mental' imbalances, but now because I am a Christian, I am challenged by Satan's mastery of lies, defeat, discouragement... well any way he can to knock me off my feet. And so, I am attacked on a spiritual level. All angles of my being is cornered.
Trying to discern between my Bi-Polar 'highs' and 'lows' and spiritual highs and lows is difficult when I lose faith in God. This is when I question the existence of Him. Yet, when I am stronger in faith and trust in God, I can tell the difference, and joy, contentment, and happiness becomes a part of who and whose I am, I am a child of God. The difference between Bi-Polar highs and lows and spiritual highs and lows is this: My body dances when I am on a Bi-Polar high yet when on a low, I am just depressed and plain worn out, and I waver between feeling like life doesn't matter- neither do I, I am intensely afraid of who knows what, or I just feel numb. When I am filled with the Spirit and am brought to a Spiritual high- my spirit dances, and I just know He is there. When spiritually low, that is when I know I am either being tested, or it is a time of growth, and He is strengthening me. He is still there and loving me just the same.
God loves us all, no matter if there any differences we have. Never give up. Please reference the scripture Isaiah 41:10. It has helped me through much of this. Maybe it can help you as well.
If you have the chance, I recommend the book, "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Jamison. It has touched my heart tremendously as Kay ( a well known and prominent Physician, speaker, and just a beautiful spirit that God has sent to touch people's lives )tells her story of being Bi-Polar. I pray that someday I may meet her to thank her in person to tell her that God has and is using her mightily to help others, including me, who face being Bi-Polar every day. Though from my perspective of the book, Kay senses that God is there, but she doesn't quite go to God for spiritual guidance and reassurance. She may very well have leaned on God in her journey after writing this book. She has written more books- which I haven't read yet but I will...
Any way, that's just part of my story. I pray you will continue finding comfort in God. And allow yourselves to be helped by who and what God sends in your life that would help carry you through life. Yet above all, know that God loves you, and He will never leave your side. Just take every bit of strength, even if it feels like your last bit, and just kneel and pray. He will listen. Be still, you will hear Him speak.
My prayers are with you all. God bless.
Scott 5/16: Mary - For everyone, Christianity is different... It's not about the institution of man dubbed "religion".. Nor is it about the gifts of the spirit. Simply put, Christianity is about your personal walk with Christ. There are many gifts of the spirit, and, not everyone speaks in tongues. I myself never have, though I've been gifted in other areas.
Belief is easy, faith is hard. More so for those of us blessed, or cursed, with being bi-polar... I think the only advice I can give you is that your faith is your own, and, no man can tell you that you're not saved. By faith we are saved through Jesus Christ, our Lord. It is the belief in him that saves us, not the gifts of the spirit.
Dex 5/29: I'm 31 years old, and I've been a believer for 11 years. I've always known something was not completely "right" with me, ever since early childhood. Now I know that I'm dealing with bipolar disorder with mixed states. My conversion was not a happy experience, it was the terrifying realization that I was a sinner and separated from God. I didn't get the peace and joy that everyone else said they had, so I thought I didn't get saved "right". That terrifying feeling of dread followed me throughout my baby Christian years, into my mid 20's. Every time I read the Bible or went to a Bible study, I found new reasons why I was doomed. I remember one day when I was 22 or so I started to get these rushes of artistic creativity, just from looking at a leaf or the angle of a rooftop, and I wondered why nobody else could see the profundity of that particular shade of brown or that one sax note.
David 6/8: I was diagnosed Bipolar at age 17 and experienced my first depressive episode at age 16. I went through two before experiencing a psychotic manic episode. I immediately went on Lithium during a manic episode that I was prescribed while in a mental hospital. I had already been saved/born again since I was twelve, but neglected to grown in Christ. I continued the Lithium for almost three years without any episodes or side effects. The lithium worked great. Well, after three years, God really put the pressure on my life through some events and I committed my life to Him. Soon after I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit which many denominations will condemn, but something I can assure is a wonderful experience and will change your life in Christ. Shortly after giving my life to Christ, I had a dream telling me to stop my medication. That took place in December of 2000. On September 10, 2001, the day before 9/11, I started experiencing the symptoms of a depressive episode (ins
I will tell you this. If you haven't received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit (Acts 1-2 and 19: 1-7). It doesn't mean that you don't have the Holy Spirit inside of you. The Baptism of the HS is all of you being submerged into it. Look it up! There is some wonderful material about it and any Pentecostal or charismatic church can inform you of it and minister this experience to you. Just ask God for it and He will graciously supply it for you. I have experienced several attacks with symptoms, but would only last a few hours or so. I would immediately step into the victory that Christ has already brought me deliverance on the cross. I have heard testimonies of those who were also healed of schizophrenia as a result of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. But more than anything, what will keep you from deliverance and healing of Bipolar Disorder is the fear of it. I have noticed that a major method of deliverance is simply sitting and waiting on God silently.
Carol 6/13: Unfortunately in the Christian world many are still condemned for having a mental illness. There is often shame involved for the ill person. I have struggled, also, where is God in all of this and this, after much prayer and many years, is the conclusion I have come to. We have an illness (for me bipolar also.) If we were diabetic we would not even consider not taking insulin but, as a bipolar, we think we're not "good" enough Christians, we should be depending on God more. Well, we probably should, not because we're sick but because that's what God wants ALL His children to do! God loves us the way we are right now! There is nothing we can do that will make him love us more!
Look up Romans 8, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. That includes condemning ourselves!
I encourage you to stop believing the lie Satan is giving you that you would be better if you did this or that. Most of us really need medication. I find I am able to be more real and hear God better when I am balanced and that is when I am on medication.
Laura 6/18: It sure was nice to see once again that I am not the only bi polar Christian out there. It sure is hard being one. I go to church one day crying and the next day singing and dancing. They don't understand. And they sure don't understand medication. I surely don't hate cancer patients for getting treatment. I am convinced that the Lord understands and thank God for that. MY husband says that he thinks that I don't know how to be happy. Unfortunately I cannot control when episodes hit, but I am happy that bi polar has brought me closer to God in the long run. Thank you Lord. His grace is sufficient enough for me. Amen.
John 8/1: The following is the story of how I came to know Christ, or rather, He came to know me.
I was about to finish up my last semester at UNC when something strange started happening in my mind. I continually ruminated on past sins and felt totally cut off from God. I had studied Buddhism while in college, and had even gone so far as denying that there was a Christian God. But at some point in the dead of winter, my conscience caught up with me. I couldn't stop thinking about all the wrongs I had committed in the past. During college I had been a playboy. After every sexual encounter, I felt a great deal of remorse and couldn't reconcile my personality with the way I had acted.
It all came to a head when I was on spring break. Two close friends and I decided to go to Vegas over spring break. This was my first time in the "city of sin," and let me tell you: it is not a good place to have a nervous breakdown. The whole scene had a carnival appeal to it—flashing lights, scantily clad women, and the majority of tourists drunk as a skunk. I felt nothing but pain in my soul as I walked up and down the strip with my two friends—who seemed to think that Vegas was the greatest place in the world.
By the time I got back home, I was so depressed that I literally could not get off the couch. The pain inside was unbearable and I began thinking of myself as worthless. I couldn't look my parents straight in the eye. I had failed them and not paid heed to my Christian upbringing. I felt my sin over me like a boulder pressing against my chest. That's when I started drinking. I had to drink to fall asleep, but the more I drank, the worse I felt. Finally, I woke up one morning all alone in the apartment, with an empty fifth of rum on the coffee table. I couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't see the point of living, and I didn't understand how people could find such entertainment in all the vain pleasures of this world. I had tried every vice under the sun in my desperate search for meaning, but nothing fit.
On a Saturday afternoon, I drove around Chapel Hill looking for a priest. I finally found one, made my confession, and he showed me the hymn "Amazing Grace" and a passage from the psalms. But I was too far gone by that point. I couldn't fathom a God that would forgive me and lift me up out of the dark abyss of a psychotic depression. Sunday, I called my girlfriend and asked her to take me to the hospital. I was put in a trauma victims' cell, where the nurses constantly checked on me until the doctor came. One nurse in particular, who happened to be a Christian, let me weep and tell my story, and then said the most profound words I've ever heard: "God still loves you."
Yet, at the time those words didn't register. I feared God's wrath. When you drop down to a severely depressed state, you know there is a God—he's the only one you can call out to. Unfortunately, you are also a broken spirit, and accepting the grace he offers sinners seems out of reach in a situation where you've come to hate yourself and wish for death. I was transferred to Durham Regional where I received a mood stabilizer, sleeping pills, and nerve pills. My brain was shot, and my body felt like led. The medicine kicked in and I felt like my old, normal self again, and even had a great time playing cards with others on the psychiatric ward. If you've ever been in such a ward, you will know that the people there—whether they committed themselves, or were involuntarily committed—are humans just like you, and they are also broken spirits just like you.
I'll never forget a man I met there and a simple phrase he imparted to me. He looked like a member of the Hell's Angels and had many strange necklaces and rings. I think he was suffering from paranoid schizophrenia—a horrible mental illness. And yet, he spoke these words to me that opened up my heart. He said, "Every one of us here just needs a little love. That's all. It's not the medicine we need, just love." My parents came to pick me up a few days later.
Unfortunately, I was feeling so good that I told the doc to take me off of all these brain washing meds and put me on the lowest dose of antidepressant. By law she had to respond to my request. But it was a huge mistake that I would realize far too soon. I had two other hospital visits in the next few months. I sincerely believed that God had abandoned me, and left me to the devil's devices. In the next few months, I was conscious of a terrible void that had replaced my soul. It grew and grew, and the medications were not doing the trick.
Finally, I was given the diagnosis of bipolar by a psychologist I had been seeing. After changing doctors, I received a mood stabilizer again, and the void gradually lifted from my soul. My perspective of myself as a degenerate sinner did not lift however. It took the words of Jesus to deliver from the abyss. So if you're wondering by what authority I entreat you to convert, there you have it. I've been "there." I've seen Hell. It's in our minds at the darkest hour of our lives.
On my second hospital visit, before having received any drugs, I experienced something that would change my life. All the patients met for group time, where they made goals and reassessed them at an evening meeting. Before one of these meetings, I had been praying fervently that Jesus would make me whole again. I left my suicide-proof hospital room and went to group.
Now there was an old man there who had been committed by his family after a grave failure in communication. He loved sitting in the sun in his front yard. One day, when his family must have thought it too hot to go out, he became angry and made the remark "over my dead body." They took that has a suicide threat, and there he was at the hospital, an 80 plus year old man who had led a simple life of devotion to God. He wasn't particularly intelligent. Nothing of the sort. Instead, he was more like a child in his simplicity. And at every group meeting he would state the same goal: " I love God. I love everybody. I don't hate nobody."
At this particular meeting, the sun was going down, burning bright red and shining through the window in the group room. As he made his usual litany, a beam of sun fell upon his face, and I knew then that this was a godly man. In all his simplicity, he knew the only things in this world that really counted and he was not ashamed to voice them. At the same group meeting, an old black woman who had literally not spoken in years due to depression, broke her silence and began speaking the most profound sayings. Sayings that only a faithful Christian could utter. To this day I wish I had had a tape recorder with me to capture her phrases. They were as beautiful as the most beautiful psalm, and as wise as the wisest saying in proverbs. I cried.
From that day forward, and throughout the long, painful treatment process for my brain disease, I clung to Jesus for dear life, crushing my own ego, and allowing him to quench the throbbing void in my soul, and the lacerations of my heart with "living water" that only comes with the Holy Spirit. I still have a long way to go on this narrow and dark trail through the travails of life, but I know for a fact that He is right there beside me, and if I have ears to hear and eyes to see, I will see the Kingdom of Heaven by and by. If you have had a similar experience to mine, you will know that when you hit rock bottom and the bruises are there to remind you, there's no doubt about whether God exists or not. The only fear is that He will not accept you.
But the Christian God is, quite literally, a creator of Love and he will draw you to Him when you least expect it. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened; keep calling and the prayer will be answered; keep seeking and you will find the truth. And once you find it, lay hold of it with all your strength because it is the only thing worth keeping, and it is the only thing that will set you free. But don't take my word for it. Find out for yourself. Read the Bible. Go to church. Let God form you in his own image, and become sons and daughters of the living God.
Matt 10/17: I envy normal people; people who can keep jobs for more than 2 years (at BEST), naturally endowed by their emotional health to lead a life that allows that wonderful "stability" that as a bipolar sufferer, I so rarely experience. Being a bi-polar Christian is easy, it's STAYING one that's hard. Since discovering the Lord seven years ago, I've been on a "Jekyll and Hyde" swing to and from each end of the moral/ethical spectrum. Six months ago, you would have found me in church at pre-service prayer...feeling God's love flowing through me. Two months ago you would have found me visiting an expensive, exclusive . Here are my two philosophies that govern each swing. "God has saved me, shown me wonders of Himself, and allowed me to worship him. I feel HORRIBLE over things I've been doing..." (Then, maybe, one year later) "God's great, but He's BORING" (as ALL things I get into eventually and inevitably become). Every spiritual high is followed sooner or later by that "restless
boredom", which causes me to backslide. So, I go...back and forth. The sad thing about this "ride" is that I've been on it so long, when I'm in the midst of satisfying all my immoral cravings, I am no less aware of God, or that I am consciously leaving Him...the sad thing is the secure knowledge that I'm going to hell...and not caring. How does one COMMIT to either God or the devil when one hasn't the capacity to commit to ANYTHING. Currently, I'm on my way BACK to the Lord because I've just realized that that horrid stench I've been smelling lately is ME. Before long I'll be back in church, trying not to notice the whispers of the congregation...rolling their eyes.
"He's back..." I look around and see the hurricanes, the wars, the hatred...I've got a front row seat to the end of the world. Where will the ball on my roulette wheel be when Jesus comes back? Will I be in church praying solemnly, or will I be slowly undressing someone I've never met? My only hope is actually a pretty valid one. Maybe I'm insane. Maybe true choice is unavailable to me. I've asked Jesus that no matter WHERE I go...I just want Him to give me a hug. Then I'll go to hell feeling a little better. I've never been afraid to take my medicine. Upon my arrival, when I see the taunting, ominous smile of satan...I'll sneer right back at him with the words..."Do your worst".
The Mattster 3/10/06: I think it's limiting God to think that he can't help you with your disorder. At the same time I think you need doctors too. I believe God does heal. He hasn't healed me yet, but I believe that he is going to provide a way for me to make it through this life.
Snowballs 5/10/06: What I take comfort in is David in the Bible. If you read in Psalms... he sure sounds like a bipolar person. And God said he was a man after God's own heart. He is whining one minute, angry the next, totally depressed the next, and the dude obviously had problems keeping his willy where it belongs, regarding that situation with Bathsheba.
But it seems that the older he got, the more he mellowed out. Now that could have been that the closer he was to God, the more he was steady. Or it could be he matured with age. It could be both. But the man took no meds, and he ruled a nation, and put away a heckuva lot of money to build a temple for God when Solomon took the throne.
Now I figure it like this. Look at Saul. That guy was nuts. Perfect description of paranoid schizo, or bipolar disorder. The Bible says that God sent an evil spirit to torture Saul. It also says that David's worship music on the harp soothed him. I find a similar result when I am feeling particularly irritable, and I put on worship music. Hmm... ya think? I know this: The Bible says that God inhabits (or, lives) in the praises of His people. The Bible also speaks of demons crying out and having to leave, or begging for mercy (see Legion in the Bible) whenever Jesus came around. So if God's around in my praises, and I put on praise music and begin praising, and the irritating feelings and stuff go away... where do the irritating feelings come from? Just food for thought.
I have been reading a lot about deliverance ministries and demonic influences, and I just wonder...
I have long held the opinion that this illness, as with others... it says in the Bible right there that illness isn't something God wished for us (Jesus said to the man "I will, be thou healed."). So who brings illness? I'm of the opinion that our cursed world has illness cuz of that ole' dog Satan. Now if you want to look at mental illness like it's a demon picking on you (in my opinion, highly possible- look at Saul. King Nebuchadnezzar, the man with the demons named "Legion", the list goes on...), or you can look at mental illness as an illness brought on Satan instead... Or maybe stuff just happens to people. I distinctly remember a few verses in the Bible where it says to get the elders to pray for you, and taking communion with a wrong heart and that's why there were many sick and asleep. Can't quote where it is right now but I can find it, given a minute or two. See my email below if you'd like me to. It's up to you how you want to look at it. I hesitated to say "a demon possessed me" or the proverbial "the devil made me do it". We make choices. At some point in time, we all make some kind of choice. Either way, I figure bipolar and mental illness is NOT a thing of God. That would be covered either by the fall of Adam and Eve, or it's a demonic thing, or brought on by a bad choice, etc. In any case, for whatever reason, therefore, if God chooses to, He can heal it.
I've been off meds for about four years now and I have had major depression that I fight with. I have even got to the point where I'm going "God, take us home now." But I don't get suicidal, because I've got a kid to raise, and I know it's just not an option. I'm past that point now. I never will go there again (two attempts in the Navy, one time of thinking about it often when I was first diagnosed. Neither hospitalized.) I've learned too, unlike before, that God loves me. Right where I'm at. He loved David and he was a murderer and adulterer, and lied to the entire nation of Isreal. He loved Paul, who killed and persecuted Christians. He forgave Peter, after denying Him. He forgave those crucifying Him. He sees me as what I will be, after He's done fixing me. He doesn't see me like I see me. So I figure I'll be all right. To kill yourself, yer telling God He made a mistake. God doesn't make junk, and he has a purpose and plan for everybody. Even me.
Granted, my lifestyle is way different than what it used to be. Alcohol is a depressant. When I tried suicide before I was drinking heavily. I blew 700 bucks in booze in about two or three weeks. I got to where I was putting away a fifth of Jack Daniels by myself, per night. I control my sugar intake. (Excessive sugar makes me VERY irritable, I've found). I no longer have the mindset that the shrinks told me in the secular psychological world that I "just can't help it. This illness is what makes me act like an idiot." That's crap. Regardless, whether you can "help it" or not, if you act like an idiot, you still have to pay the consequences, so you gotta just deal.
My mother was disabled in many ways and she still worked, and did lots of things. Life is what you make it. Sometimes you need help. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up. I am learning to suck it up, but I still have a LONG ways to go. Example: My house is a pigsty. I don't budget all that well. I could probably have a job right now, but I keep staying home trying to do freelance art work and going to school. When my kid starts her defiant mode and the noise, I can only take so much before I yell. I'm workin on it.
However, I practically live at my church, and I play the keyboard there and sing on the worship team. I'm there four, five nights/days a week, and for the most part I'm reliable. This week I completely forgot about Sunday night and slept through it for some reason. And I wasn't on my period. I usually airhead out on my period, but not other times unless there's major stress going on. So things are pretty normal right now so I'm wondering what's up. Keeping an eye on it. So... I'm looking out now for a mood or something. I'm making it a point to keep in touch with church people so I don't automatically hibernate. I'm taking advantage of this sunny weather we're having to boost my "good feeling". There's something in sunlight that fights depression.
There's another point. I was on a drug to fight depression. Sunshine already fights depression. Yet the meds made me sensitive to sunshine, so I couldn't be in the sun. What is UP with that? That don't make sense.
I think man really messes up what God has already put here to fix our bodies. But I won't jump on my soapbox about meds anymore.
This is a disorganized post, and it's mostly because I'm just shooting from the gut. I didn't set down and organize it into a nice, neat thesis statement, etc. I could do that, but... Ya. You get the picture.
Point: Is bipolar a spiritual issue, or a physical ailment, or both?
Michael 7/17/06: I really related to the article. It's interesting that as a believer we trust our Lord Jesus Christ as someone who has healed us already. "By his stripes we are healed." I have had many miraculous experiences from doing the Lord's work. One time I asked God if he wanted me to speak to people I would have to see a sign. I prayed and my brain came up with the word "elephant." So if something around me declared the word...elephant..I would preach. Nothing happend. Then I said I should not put God in such a tight box. I then tried the word "Bill Crosby" (jello comercial) then nothing happend. But doesn't the bible tell you that the Holy Spirit will tell you what you should pray? I left home and saw on someone's profile the word "elephant" as it was his only favorite movie there listed. I thought to myself: heres an opportunity: I wrote the young man a message about "Crying out for the lost sheep." I went to bed soon after.
Then next day I went to church and I checked an internet message response. He wrote me a huge message back. Somehow the Holy Spirit used that short message I had sent him to bring him to a repentance and search for God on his knees. The God, in his mind, he had let down by his college backsliding. He prayed and felt the Holy Spirit come on him as he says..Praise God He can use anything. Then I was a cheerful spirit and went to breakfast. On my way back from breakfast to my room a door of a room drew me. There was a small quote on it by "Bill Cosby!" I realized then that I had made a mistake in his spelling but God knows proper spelling Amen? I read the quote: "A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid people that need advice." This quote spoke of the needs of those lost or stupid who need to hear about Jesus.
I am bipolar 1 and was diagnosed that semester. I was also diagnosed with religiosity. but what is that? I think for people with Bipolar we need to put faith in the system of bipolar to identify with what we are feeling. So wee need to put our faith in God and in the bipolar...as it exists in the lives of many!
Post your opinion here.
Gayle Darhower
Your online source for issues that matter to you.
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Find out more.
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2013 Annual Meeting
Our Annual Meeting was held on December 10, 2013 in the Lincoln Auditorium at the Idaho State Capitol. The agenda included reports and a panel discussion with legislators, a representative from the CPA community, and three of our four commissioners.
A PDF of the PowerPoint is available.
Read more about our public meetings here on our Open Meetings page.
Thanks to Idaho Public Television for streaming and recording the meeting.
Posted 12-12-2013
- Visit our Online Learning page
- Follow us on Twitter @idahotax
- Watch our YouTube Channel - IdahoStateTax
- Subscribe to our News feed
- Visit the Tax Commission Newsroom

subset: commoncrawl


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injuries and bye week has forced me to pick up one of these guys:
Seneca Wallace (vs. Jacksonville)
Jason Campbell (vs Carolina)
Kerry Collins (vs Indiana)
Matt Stafford (vs Pittsburg)
Derek Anderson (vs Buffalo)
other available starters:
Jamarcus Russell ( vs Giants)
Chad Henne (vs NY Jets)
Josh Johnson (vs Philadelphia)
Kyle Boller (vs Minnesota)
who do i go with?
this is for flex position, Shaun Hill is my other QB. Had Pennington (injured) and Aaron Rodgers is on a bye.


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Thursday Sep 27, 2007
This blog has moved to http://wizidm.wordpress.com
Saturday Sep 22, 2007
links for 2007-09-22
By wizidm on Sep 22, 2007
Identity Management in Australia, including LDAP products and tools. view500 is a suite and includes an XML Enabled Directory (XED)
Monday Sep 17, 2007
links for 2007-09-17
By wizidm on Sep 17, 2007
While the actual numbers cannot be precise the rates of change are what is most interesting. The data is taken from WHO, UN, Internet World Stats, and other official sources.
Hilarious, but how many businesses are run.
Hilarious, but how most businesses are run.
Monday Sep 10, 2007
links for 2007-09-10
By wizidm on Sep 10, 2007
Skype users are under attack from a new worm that spreads through the peer-to-peer Internet phone application's chat feature. The attack begins when a user receives an instant message containing a link from someone in their contact list or an unknown S
Friday Aug 31, 2007
links for 2007-08-31
By wizidm on Aug 31, 2007
Open source is making its way into more and more enterprises with cheap, robust alternatives to solutions offered by proprietary software vendors. Read this article to learn about nine open source companies worth watching in the areas of Web search, serve
Tuesday Aug 28, 2007
links for 2007-08-28
By wizidm on Aug 28, 2007
Imagine a work world with no commute, no corporate headquarters and perhaps not even an office in the physical world at all. [You mean like the world I've lived in for the last 7 years :-) ]
Thursday Aug 23, 2007
links for 2007-08-23
By wizidm on Aug 23, 2007
Amazon.com: The Three Signs of a Miserable Job: A Fable for Managers (And Their Employees): Books: Patrick M. LencioniLencioni, a consultant, speaker and bestselling author (The Five Dysfunctions of a Team), pinpoints the reasons behind and ways around what many consider a constant of the human condition: job dissatisfaction. According to Lencioni, job-fueled misery can
Friday Aug 17, 2007
links for 2007-08-17
By wizidm on Aug 17, 2007
After doing some experimenting the other night, I was actually able to call out (and receive) over my land-line and cell phone! I was listening via my monitor headphones, and talking through my mic, all through my mixing board. The trick is, you'll need a
What do you do when you want to record an interview and you can't get your guest to your studio? Interview them over your dedicated conference call line enabled to digitally record your voice(s). There are a number of companies that offer this service,
Wednesday Aug 15, 2007
links for 2007-08-15
By wizidm on Aug 15, 2007
What's the business model? I don't know. But if you don't have adoption, it won't matter what business model you use. Companies that sell open source are prioritizing community and adoption over instant monetization. We will win.
Tuesday Aug 14, 2007
links for 2007-08-14
By wizidm on Aug 14, 2007
Videos of Judith Donath - recommended by Mike Neuenschwander from Burton Group
Friday Aug 10, 2007
links for 2007-08-10
By wizidm on Aug 10, 2007
Just heard Michael speak. Quite interesting.
Thursday Aug 09, 2007
Monday Aug 06, 2007
links for 2007-08-06
By wizidm on Aug 06, 2007
With 11n, users can expect to see throughput of 100M to 300Mbps, depending on how the access point and client adapter are configured. That compares with 20M to 25Mbps today for 11a and 11g WLANs.
Playing Wii tennis against Kim in London at the Hilton Metropole.
Monday Jul 30, 2007
links for 2007-07-30
By wizidm on Jul 30, 2007
I was at the Monte Carlo this past weekend and got to watch this event. Simply amazing! You have to see it to believe it. These guys play seriously and some are quite good.
This is fantastic news. Being able to turn on SMS per person is something I really wanted. Oh to be a small nimble software company.
Saturday Jul 28, 2007
links for 2007-07-28
By wizidm on Jul 28, 2007
The lawyer, Philip S. Beck, told U.S. District Judge Louis L. Stanton in Manhattan that YouTube was working "very intensely and cooperating" with major content providers on a video recognition technology as sophisticated as fingerprint technology the FBI


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Charles the Prince of Wales and not the washed up blogger tries to reach out to the British public. The man who will never be King and his Un Mata Hari wife took a ride on the London Underground, known as the tube. The ride was in honor of the 150th anniversary of the London Underground (which first opened in 1863).
Charles is washed up and like his name sake has had a nervous breakdown.
Update from Speranza: Anyone who has ever ridden the tube will understand this – "Mind the gap".
Tags: London, London Tube, Prince Charles


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If you are wearing a raincoat and thick gloves to protect you from the mud, don't miss the stories in The Hill and elsewhere about Sen. Rand PaulRand PaulTrump: Rivals who don't back me shouldn't be allowed to run for office Trump hires Rand Paul's former digital director: report Trump flexes new digital muscle MORE (R-Ky.) taking a Monica Lewinsky cheap shot at the highly popular former President Bill ClintonBill ClintonAlbanian town honors Clinton with sculpture Lynch meeting with Bill Clinton creates firestorm for email case WH defends Lynch from Clinton meeting fallout MORE.
In my last column, I warned Republicans about what I called the Benghazi disease, which is the obsessive pursuit of right-wing fetish stories that backfire against the GOP.
After an eternity of failed efforts by the GOP to promote the Benghazi story, Clinton still polls far better than her likely opponents. Does Paul seriously believe that American voters want to hear about Lewinsky? Is Paul so dependent on right-wing, Clinton-hating zealots that he believes it is smart politics to attack such a popular former president over a puny issue such as the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal that voters have long ago forgotten?
Paul is imploding. Lowbrow attacks such as this are unworthy of anyone seeking the presidency of the United States. They turn the idea of a Rand Paul presidency into a late-night comedian's joke.
Paul should know better than to attack Bill Clinton over Monica Lewinsky, and voters know better than to take him seriously for the presidency.
Budowsky was an aide to former Sen. Lloyd Bentsen and Bill Alexander, then chief deputy majority whip of the House. He holds an LL.M. degree in international financial law from the London School of Economics. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.com.


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© BRYAN E. REYNOLDS All photographs appearing on this site are the property of Bryan E. Reynolds. They are protected by the US copyright laws and are not to be downloaded or reproduced in any way without the written permission of Bryan E. Reynolds. All images on this site are watermarked.
Check Out Bryan's New Non-


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Several Provo artists were showcased in the intimate setting of the Gallery at Mestizo Coffee House, Salt Lake City on Saturday, March 22, 2014. The headliner, Coin in the Sea, is an indie folk outfit based out of Provo, UT, with a new five song EP titled "Flint and Steel." They were preceded by a duo, Ice Hotel, who cite Elbow, Coldplay, Muse, Radiohead, and Phil Collins as influences and describe themselves as an indie rock band based in Provo, UT, and by the attractive and highly talented solo singer/songwriter Valerie Larsen, who recently appeared on Studio #5Alive, a Salt Lake City based Internet TV station that broadcasts a weekly showcase of local artists. Valerie is based in Murray, UT.
The opening duo comprises cousins Steve Newman and Mike McClellan, songwriters and multi-instrumentalists with a new album to be released shortly titled Arrows. On this evening they performed with guitars for accompaniment, and sang some five songs including "Easy," about how life is not easy. The band also features the talented award-winning drummer Val Sepulveda.
Valerie Larsen followed with some outstanding indie folk/pop songs which were delivered effortlessly, accompanied by her guitar and keyboard. They included one titled "The People you Know." She cites as influences John Mayer, Sting, Regina Spector, Ingrid Michaelson, Edgar Meyer, Norah Jones, James Taylor, Jonie Mitchell, and Imogen Heap.
The main act, Coin in the Sea, featured several songs from their EP. The full band comprises John Goodman, Eliza Smith, Will Johnson, Brennan Tolman and Alina Geslison, but for this performance only three band members performed, with an upright string bass and a guitar. They call themselves a concept band, and featured their song "Love Again" from the EP.
All in all, the evening's performances were well received by a small but enthusiastic audience in this intimate venue, which also features several varieties of coffee and sandwiches.


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No Gungans Allowed: The AT-ST Treehouse
This is a picture of an AT-ST treehouse some kids' Star Wars loving father built them so they'd have a place to hide nudey magazines and play with fire. Except there's not really much tree left so it's actually more of a stumphouse. Like something a badger would live in. "Badgers live in holes." Ha, I live in a hole too -- a shithole! Oh look, there goes a cockroach with my breakfast bar.
The AT-ST Treehouse Converts Your Backyard into Endor [obviouswinner]
Thanks to Terry Tenpeen, who has like six more wieners than any man could possibly need.


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Blue Chip Venture Vets Think Smaller With Allos Ventures
Allos Ventures, the firm formed by veterans of Blue Chip Venture Co., has secured $25 million for a debut fund aimed at revenue-generating technology and health-care companies in the Midwest.
The firm, launched by Don Aquilano and John C. McIlwraith, began raising Allos I LP in October 2009 and closed on $20 million on March 17. Multiple closings have since brought the fund to its $25 million target, McIlwraith said. It has backed two companies, Scale Computing Inc. and WebLink International Inc., and has a term sheet out on a third deal, he said.
Allos is different from Cincinnati-based Blue Chip, whose most recent fund, its fourth, closed at $190 million in 2001. Aquilano and McIlwraith had sought to raise $100 million for a fifth fund in March 2008. Amid the downturn, however, Blue Chip suspended fund-raising in early 2009, despite picking up $35 million in commitments.
Seeing that raising an institutional fund would remain difficult for a while, Aquilano and McIlwraith decided to form a new firm that would round up a small fund, primarily from individuals.
Most Allos I limited partners are entrepreneurs or executives like Scott Dorsey, co-founder of ExactTarget Inc., a provider of on-demand email marketing software products; and Scott Jones, chief executive of ChaCha Search Inc., whose service answers consumer questions online, by phone or text message.
These individual investors, who can be a resource to portfolio companies, may give Allos an edge when competing for deals, McIlwraith said. The fund also has two institutional backers, Purdue University and the State of Indiana.
Allos, which is based in Carmel, Ind., and has offices in Cincinnati, aims to fill a niche that many Midwest firms have moved away from, McIlwraith said. As VCs have sought to reduce their risk by funding mature companies, it has become harder for start-ups to raise capital. Allos intends to work closely with young companies, investing at the Series A stage and taking board seats. It will lead rounds and help build syndicates, McIlwraith said.
Allos targets companies that have sales but are about 12 to 18 months away from profitability. The partners plan to invest in only eight companies to ensure they have adequate time to spend with each holding. By backing capital-efficient businesses, the firm expects to be able to generate good returns with exit valuations in the $50 million to $100 million range, McIlwraith said.
In addition to technology companies, like Scale Computing and WebLink, Allos also considers medical start-ups that do not face tall regulatory hurdles. It will likely back at least one medical-device or diagnostics company, and may also invest in technology providers that serve the medical industry, McIlwraith said.
The third investment Allos is considering is in a database and software-driven company, he said.
Blue Chip also funded technology and health-care companies. The firm continues to manage its fourth fund, which McIlwraith said is performing well. One of its 11 active holdings, biotech company Endocyte Inc., filed to go public last month. Another fund-four company is likely to file to go public in a few months, he said.
In addition to Managing Directors Aquilano and McIlwraith, the Allos team also includes Dov Rosenberg, a director.


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I want to open a file that I download (using firefox) with a running instance, instead of it opening it a new instance.
For example: If I have gedit open and I download a textfile how can I make sure the textfile will be opened (automatically) by this running gedit instance?
I have found this: How to avoid opening a second instance? but it is still unclear for me how and mainly where to apply this.
Note: I am not specifically interested in opening files with gedit, but more in the general problem.


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Periodontal Care Frederick MD
The team at Dr. Politmi Mantzouranis, DDS' office is very serious about your overall health, not just the health of your teeth. This includes making sure that your gums and the bones surrounding your teeth are in good health and free from periodontal (gum) disease. Any bleeding in your mouth is a sign of disease. The bacteria which live in your mouth can travel through your circulatory system. Studies have shown a link between periodontal disease and heart, kidney, liver, and lung problems, as well as miscarriages. Some of the signs and symptoms of developing periodontal disease include:
- Bleeding, inflamed, and/or red gums
- Loose teeth
- Increased spaces between teeth
- Persistent bad breath
- Discomfort or tenderness
- Pus around the gums and teeth
- Receding gums around a tooth
- Sensitivity
Aside from possibly losing your permanent teeth, there are many serious health risks associated with periodontal disease. Untreated periodontal disease has been linked to heart disease and infective endocarditis. In fact, patients with gum disease are four times more likely to suffer from heart disease!
To avoid advancement in periodontal disease, patients should eat a balanced diet, practice good oral hygiene, and attend regularly scheduled dental appointments with Dr. Politmi Mantzouranis, DDS. At our dental practice, we will do our best to educate our patients about the importance of their overall health. We also recommend that all our patients use hydrofloss and a Sonicare toothbrush. If you are experiencing any discomfort or pain in your teeth or gums, we strongly recommend that you visit our office immediately.


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This week's episode of WWE Monday Night Raw will emanate from the FedExForum in Memphis, Tennessee. The show is the go-home to Hell in a Cell episode, as WWE's pay-per-view is just 6 days away.
We reported over the weekend on some items announced for this week's show, to recap:
- There will be a "contract signing" between Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton for the WWE title match at the pay-per-view on Sunday.
- Shawn Michaels, who will guest referee the aforementioned title bout, is scheduled to appear live.
- Triple H will "deal with" The Big Show and the Rhodes Family.
WWE looks at the following in their Five-Point Preview here on dot com:
1. Hell in a Cell contract signing
2. Punishment for the Rhodes family and Big Show?
3. You decide the WrestleMania match simulation (WWE 2K14 promotion)
4. Is Cena ready for WWE Hell in a Cell?
5. Can Heyman survive Hell?
Click here for official event information.
Click here for local event information.
Make plans to join us in our "Open Thread" Watch Party as we'll have streaming live results and your discussion here at WrestlingNewsWorld.com. The thread opens at 7:30 PM EDT, so there's no reason to watch the show alone!


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ST. LOUIS (AP) -- A man suspected of robbing banks in five states has turned himself in to the FBI.
The FBI announced Wednesday that 19-year-old Andrew Maberry, of O'Fallon, Ill., was arrested and charged with one federal count of bank robbery in a July heist at Commerce Bank in the St. Louis suburb of Arnold. His surrender came less than 24 hours after the FBI started a publicity campaign and dubbed Maberry the "I-55 Bandit."
The FBI says Maberry is suspected of 10 robberies and attempts at two other banks since May in Illinois, Missouri, Maryland, West Virginia and Tennessee. Some of the crimes occurred near Interstate 55.
The FBI did not disclose the amount of money taken.
It wasn't immediately clear if Maberry had an attorney.
(Copyright 2013 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)


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Jul 16, 2014 9:25 AM
Every summer we get insanely envious of ladies with the bone structure to pull off super short hairstyles. If you're one of those lucky gals, consider using this Continental Glossing Wax ($27) to add a little extra texture, volume, and shine to your closely-cropped 'do. We'll be over here, seething with jealousy as we swelter under blunt bangs and long layers.
If you've got a product or service that you'd like to promote on Outblush, click here to find out about our advertising opportunities.
Outblush is a blog for girls who love to shop. Our staff digs up the best clothes, home stuff, beauty items, and more. New items are posted every day — bookmark us and check out:


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>Brookings Oregon News, Sports, & Weather | The Curry Coastal Pilot
The Brookings-Harbor School District union is demanding the school board immediately place Superintendent Brian Hodge on administrative leave, saying teachers and staff "overwhelmingly supported" a vote of no confidence in his ability to lead the district.
"We can't go through what we did last year," said Terri Poponi, president of the Brookings-Harbor Education Association (BHEA).
On Friday, school board chair Katherine Johnson said the board cannot place Hodge on administrative leave until an ongoing investigation into the complaints is concluded.
"We take their concerns very seriously and we recognize that there are multiple concerns, more than just with the superintendent," Johnson said. "Whatever decision the board makes, we have to take the necessary legal steps to make sure that any action we take is without repercussions."
In a press release issued earlier this week, Poponi said the teachers and school staff "have lost confidence in Hodge's ability to lead the district in a positive direction, through the challenges that students, staff, parents and our community will face now and in the future.
"Teachers have voiced their concerns to the district about serious issues that are doing real harm to students. Sadly, they have all been ignored or covered up. Our students deserve better," Poponi said.
The vote of no confidence is the latest in a series of challenges facing the school district, where morale has been said to be at an all-time low.
In the last several months, the school board chair resigned mid-term, the district's finance manager, two principals and 11 teachers have taken jobs elsewhere, and the transition from a traditional to proficiency-based grading system has been deemed a disaster.
In early June, about 85 district employees gathered at a Brookings park to cast the vote of no confidence, Poponi said.
"I was overwhelmed by the response. I didn't expect that many people to show up," she said.
The union currently has about 180 members in the district, including teachers, instructional aides, clerical and support staff.
Poponi said it was mostly teachers and teachers' aides who approved the vote of no confidence.
In a July 19 Pilot story about the district's current woes, Hodge said, "I understand the high level of frustration among the staff. I am responsible for the district and we're addressing the issues. I'm optimistic that things will get better."
Hodge was provided a copy of the union's press release Wednesday, but declined to comment further.
A vote of no confidence in a superintendent is rare, according to Becca Uherbelau, media consultant with Oregon Education Association (OEA). The statewide union represents about 45,000 educators working in public schools and community colleges.
"It is a very serious matter," Uherbelau said. "It only occurs in the most extreme of circumstances when local educators have exhausted all other options to address and solve the significant, on-going issues in the district that negatively impact students and staff."
She added, "In recent history, a vote of no confidence by teachers and staff is so exceedingly rare that it has only occurred in Oregon school districts a few times."
In mid-June, BHEA presented the vote of no confidence to the school board in an executive (closed door) session. The school board, after conferring with legal counsel, unanimously voted to launch an independent investigation into the union's claims. The union promised to provide employee names and contact information to the investigator.
On Monday and Tuesday of this week, current and former district employees streamed in and out of the Brookings public library annex, where they were interviewed by the investigator hired by school district.
According to Poponi, the local union considered hiring its own investigator to interview employees, but is satisfied with the one hired by the district's law firm.
"The investigator has a background in education and I believe he can remain unbiased," she said.
Poponi said public disclosure of the vote of no confidence was part of a multi-step process recommended by OEA.
The first step was to present the vote to the school board in executive session. The second step was to conduct interviews with current and former employees who worked with Hodge. The third step was to publicly announce the vote of no confidence. The fourth step is to canvas the community and get citizen comments about the situation.
Poponi was disappointed that Hodge remained on the job during the investigation.
"He remains at the helm, despite the fact that if any one of the allegations brought before the board were to be brought before a building administrator about a teacher or district staff member, immediate administrative leave would be the outcome," she said.
School board member Bruce Raleigh said the board is bound by legal guidelines as to what it can or can't do until the investigation is complete. He said he sympathized with the union members.
"This is a culmination of issues that have all converged in one year," Raleigh said. "The board will address the issues and eventually we will resolve them and move forward. We are all in it for the kids and we need to keep that focus."


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Colombian, Peruvian and Costa Rican Women in
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|HD Video: Colombian Women Interview
Watch Video (15:05)
Colombian Women Interview
Cartagena women are some of Latin Americas most beautiful. Watch as AFA CTO Ken Agee sits down and interviews three beautiful women that YOU could meet on the next AFA tour to Cartagena Colombia
|HD Video: Cartagena Colombia
Watch Video (8:54)
Cartagena Colombia
Cartagena Women are some of Latin Americas most beautiful. Watch as AFA Clients venture into the world of International Dating with the lovely women of Cartagena Colombia. Colombian Women will definatly entice you to be the next to make the leap into the world of International Dating!
|HD Video: Miss Colombia - Interview with John Adams
Watch Video (12:59)
Miss Colombia is a Tour not to miss!
John Adams and Ken Agee talk about how amazing the Miss Colombia tour and pageant is and why it is not to be missed. Miss Colombia is held every year in the beautiful city of Cartagena Colombia, and Ken Agee has not missed a Miss Colombia Pageant in the last 15 years!
|HD Video: Miss Colombia Pageant - Colombian Women
Watch Video (1:23)
Miss Colombia Pagent
Miss Colombia Pageant is one of the most famous events in Cartagena Colombia, for the bevy of stunning Colombian Women, dont miss out on the Miss Colombia Pageant in 2012 book your tour now!
|HD Video: Miss Colombia Bikini Contest 2011
Watch Video (3:59)
Nov, 2011
The Most Beautiful Women in Colombia
Our tour to Cartagena Colombia is an unforgettable experience that may very well change your life forever. The November tour is extra special due to the Miss Colombia Pagent. You will experience a week of parties and festivities, including the infamous Miss Colombia Bikini Contest, leading up to the actual pageant itself and the crowning of Miss Colombia. Only the most beautiful women from all of Colombia participate in this contest, an event you wont want to miss!
|SD Video: Peru Bikini Photo Shoot
Watch Video (2:29)
Hot Peruvian Ladies
Peru women are gorgeous, and while shooting profile videos for our website, we wanted to show you a small preview of some of the women that you can meet on a Peru womens tour.
|SD Video: Cartagena Bikini Day - Cartagena Women
Watch Video (3:36)
Bikini Clad Beauties of Cartagena!
Bikini clad beauties, beautiful beaches, and dancing, this is what comes to mind when one thinks of Cartagena Colombia. The women of Cartagena are true Latin beauties and a trip to meet Cartagena women will be a trip you will not soon forget!
|HD Video: Miss Colombia 2011 Pagent & Tour Highlights
Watch Video (8:24)
November, 2011
Miss Colombia 2011
Watch a highlights video of night number 2 of the Miss Colombia pageant, a charity show at the Rio Hotel and Casino in beautiful Cartagena Colombia. Watch some of Colombias most beautiful women.
|SD Video: Barranquilla Women - Tour to Barranqilla 2011
Watch Video (3:44)
A Hot Time in Barranquilla
Barranquilla women are some of Latin Americas most beautiful. Watch as these Barranquilla women enjoy a day at the pool, and entice you to make the leap into the international dating scene!
|SD Video: Peru Women -Lima Peru October 2011
Watch Video (1:23)
October, 2011
The Most Beautiful Women in Peru
Peru Women are waiting to meet you; they are absolutely beautiful and looking to make you the happiest man on earth. Lima Peru is home to some amazing sightseeing that the women cant wait to show you around!
|Video: Peru New Years Tour 2010-11
Watch Video (8:29)
January, 2011
Listen To Client Jonathan H. Describe HIS Experience
You'll watch some great new video of this exciting tour while you listen to comments from a client who was on this tour. After watching this video and listening, you'll be hard pressed to figure out why YOU were not there!
|Video: Miss Colombia 2010 Bikini Event
Watch Video (6:37)
December, 2010
A Stunning Parade of Gorgeous Latin Women
The Miss Colombia pageant held every year in Cartagena, Colombia is not only one of the most renowned beauty pageants in South America - but in the entire world. Some of the festivals and pageant events draw up to 250,000 people! Each year, you have the opportunity to join our annual "Miss Colombia" tour to Cartagena and it's something you won't want to miss! This video, taken by our own video cameras, will make it very clear why. The 2010 Miss Colombia Bikini Competion. A seemingly endless parade of some of the most stunning women in the entire world give you a small sample of what YOU can find for yourself during your Cartegena tour!
|Video: A Little About Cartagena with AFA Co-Founder Ken Agee
Watch Video (2:06)
December, 2010
Beautiful City - Beautiful Beaches - Beautiful WOMEN!
Recorded in Cartagena itself, AFA co-founder Ken Agee gives you a short preview of what to expect when you arrive in Cartagena, Colombia. Cartagena is one of the safest and most beautiful cities in all of South America. It's only fitting that you will find some of the most beautiful women in South America there as well.
|Video: A Live Video Feed from Cartegena
Watch Video (8:03)
November, 2010
"Miss Colombia" Tour Kicks Off
This video is an excerpt from our live show of November 4th, 2010. It's arrival day to kick off our Miss Colombia Cartegena Tour. AFA Co-Founder Ken Agee and Cartegena office manager Kayla join us in a live video feed from our office in Cartegena. All of the men just arrived and they are ALL already out on dates?
|Show #032: Barranquilla, Colombia Singles Vacation Tour Highlights
Watch Video (1:07:32)
AFA Co-Founder Ken Agee joins host John Adams in a recap of our July, 2010 singles vacation tour to Barranquilla, Colombia. Several clients who attended this tour join them with their comments including David and his fiancee, Marie Cristine, who became engaged on this tour. As always, we have lots of great highlight video for you to enjoy during the show.
|Video: Singles Vacation Adventure in Barranquilla Colombia
Watch Video (12:05)
May, 2010
Paradise in Barranquilla
Here is some highlight video of our recent singles tour to Barranquilla, Colombia. This tour video walks you through our Barranquilla singles vacation tour experience from arrival at the hotel, to the socials and fun at the beach. Even a surprise announcement from a past tour client at one of the socials whose wife to be just recieved her visa and is expecting....? If you want to also enjoy a discussion about this video you should also watch our archived LIVE show from May 6th, 2010 (CLICK HERE)!
|Video: Singles Vacation Tour in Medellin Colombia
Watch Video (11:19)
May, 2010
The Medellin Singles Tour Experience is Clearly Special
There is something special about Medellin that clients love. And it's not just the stunningly, beautiful single women they meet in the hundreds. This video walks you through our April, 2010 singles vacation tour to this beautiful city. You'll also hear some comments from our office manager in Medellin, Vanessa. For more of this video - including comments from a client who participated in this very tour, be sure to also view our archived LIVE show from May 6th, 2010 (CLICK HERE) for some excellent insight of what YOU WILL EXPERIENCE!
|Show #026: Singles Vacation Tour Highlights of Medellin & Barranquilla Colombia
Watch Video (1:07:19)
Host John Adams along with AFA office managers from Medellin and Barranquilla Colombia review the highlights of our recent singles vacation tour to those cities in April. Also joining in on the conversation were some clients who were on those tours and some prospective clients considering the vacation adventure. As always, lots of great actual video from those tours! You can also view some of the video highlight segemts of this singles vacation adventure HERE.
|Video: Peru New Years Eve Tour 2009 - 2010
Watch Video (10:04)
January, 2010
An Unbelievable Celebration with Stunning, Single Peruvian Women
No one celebrates New Years Eve like beautiful Peruvian women. Knowing this, we make it a tradition to schedule a New Years Eve tour to Lima annually. In this video you will see why. A group of great guys traveling to celebrate the new year in a fantastic country with hundreds of beautiful, single, Peruvian women and having the adventure of their lifetime. Hmmmm.... You were doing what while this video was taken?
|Show #016: New Years Tour Highlights - Peru, Philippines & Ukraine
Watch Video (1:03:33)
Host John Adams does a review of the recently completed New Years Eve tours to Lima, Peru and the Philippines. Plus you here from several clients who attended the December Ukraine tour. On the phone John will also have the office managers from Odessa, Ukriane and Davao, Phillipines as well as some of the clients who participated in these tours. You'll also be viewing some GREAT VIDEO fresh from these tours! We hate to say "we told you so", but we expect you are going to cringe when you see what you missed!
|Video: Lima Peru October 2009 Singles Social
Watch Video (6:17)
November, 2009
A Client Dsecribes How He Was "Stunned"...
In Peru the women are very affectionate and attentive, for sure. And they love to dance and have fun. This is a highlight video from our October, 2009 tour that you won't want to miss. As you watch you will listen to one of our clients who attended this tour describes his experience.
|Show #012: Lima Peru Singles Tour Highlights from October
Watch Video (1:17:02)
John Adams and fellow AFA Co-Founder Ron Redburn discuss the recent singles tour to Lima, Peru in October. Joining them on the phone is the entire staff of the AFA Lima office. In this live show there's lots of great highlight video and comments from several of the men who participated in this tour. Upcoming Lima Tours HERE
|Show #005: Latin Singles Tour Experience in Colombia, Peru and Costa Rica
Watch Video (1:15:43)
Host John Adams discusses the AFA Latin singles vacation experience for clients in the Latin American Countries of Colombia, Peru and Costa Rica. He visits with the AFA office managers from Cartagena, Medellin, Barranquilla, Lima and San Jose, Costa Rica giving you great insight into what your experience will be like during your exciting singles adventure.
|Media Center MASTER Index
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Also view more than a decade of Archived Tour Photos HERE
|Photos: Medellin Singles Vacation Tour April 2010
View Slideshow 44 Imgs
July, 2010
The Beautiful Women Of Medellin, Colombia Want To Meet YOU!
This set of photos you can enjoy from our exciting singles vacation tour to Medellin, Colombia in April, 2010.
|Photos: Barranquilla, Colombia Singles Tour April 2010
View Slideshow 63 Imgs
July, 2010
First 2 Pictures Are Of A Previous Tour Client Announcing His Engagement With His Wife To Be - AND She's Expecting Their First Child!
Beautiful city. Beautiful women. EVERYWHERE! Browse the photos of our recent singles vacation tour to Barranquilla, Colombia.
|Photos: Medellin, Colombia Singles Tour February, 2010
View Slideshow 44 Imgs
July, 2010
Another fantastic tour in the heart of beautiful Colombia!
Enjoy this set of photos from our Medellin, Colombia singles tour in February, 2010.
|Photos: Lima, Peru Singles Vacation Tour December 2009
View Slideshow 111 Imgs
July, 2010
Where were YOU New Years Eve? With hundread of beautiful, single women?
A great collection of photos from our singles vacation tour to beautiful Lima, Peru in December of 2009
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|Be certain to scroll this entire page to view all media in this section. Use the QUICK links above for faster navigation.
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Hey guys! I hope you've all had a good week thus far – it's almost Friday! My week has been… interesting. Super busy with all my jobs and then to top it off my car's alternator died on me while I was in the middle of a 6 lane road as I was coming home from work at the library. Wah wah wahhhhhh. First my radio went out, which I thought was strange, followed by my speedometer, and gas gauge. Then as I was sitting at a stoplight the whole thing went kaput. The engine wouldn't turn over at all and I couldn't even get my hazards to flash, so I got a lot of rude honks and glares. Ouch! Luckily a nice man pulled over and helped me push my car to the side of the road where I then proceeded to wait for 3 hours for a tow truck in scorching 87 degree heat. Whew, what an afternoon.
Today I'm bringing you a sweet desk makeover as my big project for the week! My mother-in-law had this desk/table sitting in her garage for a long time and decided she didn't want it anymore. I gladly volunteered to give it a new home! I think my exact words might have been "I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!" Jusy saying. I loooove it's fun scallop detailing on the bottom and the chippy white paint. After having it in my home for a while I decided to give the desk a makeover. My whole house is basically white and this sweet desk was blending in a little too much. So I decided to get crafty and add a few touches that really give it some pop! This is what I started with:
I started off by sanding down the top with a fine grit sandpaper. Once I wiped off the top with a cloth I taped sharply around the edges with painters tape as I only wanted to paint the table top. Gave this baby a few quick coats of my fave Chalkboard Spray Paint, letting each coat dry in-between. The surface of this desk is a little rough, so you can see some of the underlying cracks in the wood, but I think it just adds to the rustic/natural character.
After the chalkboard paint was set, I took a piece of regular chalk and rubbed it sideways across the entire surface to "season" the chalkboard. I then rubbed my hand all across the surface, smearing the chalk dust into a nice matte finish – the second picture shows the difference between a rubbed down chalk surface and what it looks like if you just put the chalk on.
Meanwhile, when I was waiting for the paint to dry I took some regular kraft paper, and using the stencil I used for my vintage chair makeover, I stenciled a pattern across the paper. I cut it down to size and adhered it into the bottom of my drawer!
And now my favorite part! The knob! My little foxy knob! I got it from Anthropologie with the giftcard that I won in Delineate Your Dwelling's bloggiversary giveaway. It's so so so adorable. I can't even handle it. I can't even. I have named him Basil.
It actually took a surprising amount of work to get the old knob off and Basil on. I unscrewed the rusty screw with some effort and went to pull the knob off and… nothing. It was painted on! So I got my trust hammer and after a few good whacks it popped free with minimal damage. Proceeded to put Basil in place but found that the hole was too small so I had to break out my trusty power drill to increase the size. These are all the tools I needed to change one. Little. Knob. Sheesh!
Basil is finally home!
He opens quite nicely 🙂
With Basil in place, here is my finished desk makeover!
I usually put all my library books on this desk so they're all in one place and I don't lose them. I wrote the date the books are due with chalk for an easy reminder!
I got this little greenhouse from Ikea for $20 bucks and put in some plants (they're fake, shhhh, don't tell anyone) and some river rocks from Target. Let's hope the "grow" tricks people into thinking they're real plants.
It's the perfect little console table to go under the windows in our front room! I'm totally in love with how it turned out 🙂
Would you use this piece as a desk, side bar, or console? Also (and even more importantly) if you had a pet fox, what would you name it?
*This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, you'll help support Dwell Beautiful (at no extra cost to you) and you'll end up with some amazing products you can use for all your DIY endeavors!*
Linking up with: Creativity Unleashed, The Party Bunch, Friday Favorites, Kitchen Fun and Crafty Friday, Merry Mondays, Mad Skills Party, Sweet Sharing Monday, A Round Tuit, Project Inspire{d}, Frugal Crafty Home Blog Hop, Do Tell Tuesday, The SITS Girls, Handmade Tuesdays, The Makers, Whimsy Wednesdays, Off the Hook Monday, Turn it Up Tuesday,


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B8832-001: (PhD) Applied Multivariate Statistics
M - Full Term, 09:00AM to 01:15PM
Location: URI 142
Instructor: Kamel Jedidi
Multivariate statistical techniques are important tools of analysis in all fields of management. This course is designed to provide students with a working knowledge of the basic concepts underlying the most important multivariate techniques, an overview of actual applications in various fields and experience in actually using such techniques on a problem of their own choosing. The course addresses both the underlying mathematics and problems of applications. As such, a reasonable level of competence in both statistics and mathematics is needed to take this course.
Kamel Jedidi
John A. Howard Professor of Business
Professor Jedidi has taught New Product Development, Marketing Research, Managing Marketing Programs, and Applied Multivariate Statistics. He has extensively published in leading marketing, statistics, and psychometric journals, the most recent of which have appeared in the Journal of Marketing Research, Marketing Science, Management Science, the International Journal of Research in Marketing, and Psychometrika. His substantive research interests include pricing, new product development, and market...


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There's a direct correlation between how you think about a given problem and the quality of the solution you apply. You've probably learned from experience that when you rush to solve problems, you can overlook the relationships between contributing factors and inadequately test your assumptions. And all too often, the "fixes" you implement fail.
Systems thinking provides a language and set of tools meant to shed light on our thinking about how the systems we are part of actually operate. A systems approach recognizes the interdependence of all elements within and outside an organization and gives you and your department a fresh way to manage the complexities of the challenges you face.
In this half-day workshop, participants:
Take a chance to think outside your box—your usual viewpoint or fallback framework—and employ a systems approach to improve problem-solving and enhance organizational effectiveness.
NOTE: Participants will be asked to prepare for the class by bringing a work issue they're dealing with and are willing to share with the class.
Instructor: Dee Endelman
Course Fee: TBD


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The Piano Lesson
by August Wilson
The Piano Lesson Race Quotes
How we cite our quotes: Citations follow this format: (Act.Scene.Line). Every time a character talks counts as one line, even if what they say turns into a long monologue.
Quote #10
Berniece: (Singing.) "I want you to help me/I want you to help me/Mama Berniece/I want you to help me/Mama Esther/I want you to help me/Papa Boy Charles/I want you to help me/Mama Ola/I want you to help me" (2.5.203)
Ah, here we are again. When Berniece calls on the spirits of her ancestors, she's drawing on the ancient strength of her race. The stage directions even say that the song is "A rustle of wind across two continents" (2.5.202). We're pretty sure those two continents are Africa and North America. When Berniece plays this song, she's appealing to her essential African-ness.


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Added by Cheryl Kirkness on 17 September 2012
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THE COST of issuing white sacks to residents to recycle paper as part of the council's new waste collection scheme has been revealed by the Chronicle.
A Barnsley Council spokesman said 106,000 white sacks have been sent out across the borough at a cost of £112,000, and the cost 'compares favourably' with that of supplying a wheeled bin to each household, which he said would have cost £2 million.
One of the reasons for switching from the blue bin to a white sack is the rise in email and electronic copies of paperwork means there's less paper to recycle.
** The full report will appear in tomorrow's Barnsley Chronicle, dated March 14. **
Most read news stories


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Sunday, January 20, 2013
Well, today hasn't been great. Actually, I think it started before today. I had a girls' night out on Friday night. Kansas City is having its local Restaurant Week and I made the choice to go out despite being in the beginning phase of the South Beach Diet. I'd been doing really well eating on the plan and had lost 10 pounds in the first 9 days! For our girls' night, we chose to go to Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian style steak house with a beautiful salad bar (great start, easy to stay on plan there) and then all the roasted meat you want served on spit at your table. The cuts of meat were mostly sirloin, which is on the diet as long as you don't go too crazy with portion. Well, I can't say that I limited it as much as I should have, but everyone gets a splurge now and then, right? Of course, restaurant week also includes dessert with your meal, and while I didn't eat the whole thing, I did order the flan and and ate about half of it. I go back and forth between being proud of myself for doing as well as I did and disappointment in myself for going off as much as I did. This is my pattern - all or nothing thinking leads me to go off a little, get down on myself and then go off big time. On the Atkins low carb program, this was a major issue - I was eating too much saturated fat to splurge on the carbs and knock myself out of ketosis. That's one of the reasons I chose to do South Beach this time - it's much more flexible and forgiving. But splurging before my first two week were completed may have been a problem.
So yesterday I was pretty focused in getting back on track hard core. We went to the gym, I ate strictly on plan but I also had my partner around for accountability. Today I was on my own and I'm not known for stellar will power and keeping myself on track. I went to church and did great only having a salad at the luncheon meeting afterwards (they were also serving rolls, quiche and cookies) but then I went to Costco and was faced with temptations galore. I know myself well enough to know that sugar is my downfall, especially in the form of chocolate. When I smelled the pies baking yesterday I had to buy some nuts just to give my stomach something else to eat and hold the cravings at bay, but today I couldn't do it.
I bought some chocolate almond bark thins. As candy goes, it's not the worst thing to have, but it's definitely not on my diet - no sugar is supposed to be the norm and giving in to that is only going to set me back. I don't know if the flan on Friday night is partially to blame but I couldn't seem to not get anything. I think in the old days I could have and probably would have eaten the whole bag over the course of the day. I've eaten about a third of the bag (3-4 servings worth) and honestly feel too full to eat anymore. I even made sure to log it in my nutrition tracker (this is the most honest I've been on tracking what I eat) and I'm surprised that it didn't blow things more than it did. I just don't really know what to do now. I can't bring myself to get rid of the rest of the bag, even though I know I should. I can't throw food away - it's just not in me. But if I have it around the house, how long can I hold off on the next craving? I can't hide it from myself - and i can't hide from myself as much as I want to.
I'm supposed to move on to phase 2 of SBD this week, bringing in one serving of whole grains and fruit each day, but I think this set back means I should do at least another week of phase one to clear out my system of the sugar and reset my body again. I can't trust myself with any sugar, which is, I believe, a common problem for many people like me. I crave it and can binge on it in ways that are shameful and literally killing me. It's hard to imagine a life without it but I believe it's the only way. My goal right now is to not let this end the progress I've been making. I probably didn't gain back the 10 lbs I lost that first week and a half, even if I'm not losing anything for the next few days. I can't - I won't - let this be the end of my new life.
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Jun 05
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RachelnTabby says:
hey everyone not really new but last account went abit dodgy since new website
tell me all about your horses etc
Previously known as sherr002 :)
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