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We all need to have empathy. This past month my goal was to use the Mental Health Humor cartoons to focus conversations on Empathy. The Life of An Empath cartoon is the last in this series. This suggests that Highly Sensitive people are aware and incredibly tuned into their emotional surroundings.
So there have to be many different degrees of empathy. That said then could we learn the skill set of an empath. Can anyone be an empath?
Empaths are creative and fun and caring, and they have a great sense of humor. And LOVE chocolates!
While focusing the post on one theme EMPATHY: (Empathy Or Sympathy, Empathy Or Sympathy part 2, What Empathy Is Not, Can Adults Learn Empathy, and Diagnosis and Empathy)
I came to realize that there are many layers to empathy. One such layer was that of the empath personality type, Highly Sensitive, hyper aware of moods.
What is the simple definition of an empath?
"being empathic only means that you are sensitive to other people's feelings. This is both a talent and a skill. Often people who have this talent go into the helping professions. Refining that talent to a high level of skill is a lifelong effort for most of us who have chosen to be therapists or clergy or social workers, etc. Because they have a deep appreciation of other people's emotions and the truths behind them, empaths are often compassionate, considerate, and understanding of others. From my point of view, being an empath is something to embrace and celebrate." ~i Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor.
The following blog posts are fascinating to read and the comments on "Do Empaths Exist" are a must read.
Are you and Empath? I hope you like chocolates.
Do Empaths Really Exist?
The Highly Sensitive.
"Highly sensitive individuals are those born with a tendency to notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting, as compared to those who notice less and act quickly and impulsively. As a result, sensitive people, both children and adults, tend to be empathic, smart, intuitive, creative, careful, and conscientious…" ~ Joss Stone
Joss Stone – Artist and Empath
Mental Health Humor
Annie the Empath: Away with you! I can't deal with your pain. Cause, in six days, nine hours and five minutes from now you're gonna have a bad day! Go!
Annie the Empath: But leave the chocolates!
Caption: Living with An Empath
Mental Health Humor
Empathy Or Sympathy Or Just Apathy: Is Aggressive Behavior Caused By Paddling? [Trigger Warning]
Empathy Or Sympathy Or Just Apathy: Is Aggressive Behavior Caused By Paddling? [Trigger Warning] (Part 2)
Empathy Vs Sympathy Or Apathy: What Empathy Is Not?
Empathy Vs Sympathy Or Apathy: Can Adults Learn Empathy?
Living With A Diagnosis and Empathy
i Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Am I An Empath?. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 30, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/10/26/am-i-an-empath/
Sometimes you just can't say it like an emoticon/emoji can say it! "Happy " , "Sad ", "laughing ", the old wink "Wink " even "Bipolar :):" emoticons text or images are valuable forms of expression. It seems like we need them to express our feelings in today's get to the point world.
Save the image by right-clicking the "save image as" – save the file to your computer then upload to your Facebook account.
Wherever you type or text today, you can use some emoticons/emojis from the simple text to the elaborate images of People, Places, Nature, Objects, Symbols for interaction.
Besides that, people are now able to write many full-length stories all in emoticons/emojis. Stories in emojis are what my girls like to send when texting their Aunts (my sisters) in Boston.
Smart devices have emojis in almost every text App. You can download custom Apps like the Emojizer that will translate everything into an emoticon message (note: it doesn't use emojis just symbols). Another App's will allow you to make emoji keyboards and such. You can write in emoji messages, it can be very fun to play picture word games.
I believe that it can be a brain teaser to try to figure out some of the messages. Not all are as straight forward as the Mental Health Humor cartoon above.
This is how the drawing idea came about in my last post:
When The —- Hits The Fan! What can you do? I know some may have thought that this Mental Health Humor I would be drawing a poo emoji hitting the fan! Hey, It's a great idea for a cartoon; I may draw it next.
One of my girls love that poop emoticons/emoji; it is so cute. So I think that Mental Health Humor cartoon idea will get "doodled" for sure. ~ Surviving Job Loss? What to Do When The —- Hits The Fan!
Just published on Psych Central news that goes along with texting…lol good read!
Texting on Smartphones Can Alter Brain Waves : Mayo Clinic researchers have determined that sending text messages on a smartphone can change the rhythm of brain waves.
I drew a mental health humor cartoon in my Brainstorming series cartoon that would go with this post too about brain waves.
Chato Stewart
APA Reference
Stewart, C. (2016). Surviving Job Loss? What to Do When The —- Hits The Fan!. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 28, 2016, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/humor/2016/06/surviving-job-loss-what-to-do-when-the-hits-the-fan/
APA Reference
Nauert PhD, R. (2016). Texting on Smartphones Can Alter Brain Waves. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 28, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/news/2016/06/28/brain-rhythm-influenced-when-we-send-text-messages-over-smartphones/105460.html
<Photo by Nimbuzz
When The —- Hits The Fan! What can you do? I know some may have thought that this Mental Health Humor cartoonist would be drawing a poop emoji hitting the fan! Hey, it's a great idea for a cartoon; I may draw it next.
One of my girls loves that poopie emoticon/emoji; it is so cute to her. So I think that Mental Health Humor cartoon idea will get "doodled," for sure. But let's get back to Mondays, I mean cruddy, crappy days.
Everyday life presents us with challenges; many are very manageable on the spot. Others have no long-lasting effects on our day or our life. Such as one I am dealing with right now.
Then there are the days When The —- Hits The Fan! Nothing goes right, all the news is bad, up is down, and everything sucks! No matter what the news is, it like wants to hit that fan.
I got the "hit" a few days ago, a job loss! After seven years, a solid job phased me into a new place in the company. Outside and out of work. It is hard, and I'm a real employee…yet, I was of late titled "third party vendor" Ouch! But I love the people, and the company has been good to me. Nevertheless, this is a loss. The emotional turmoil is brewing and fear that I'll not be able to provide for my family. And with a family of six (my wife and I and four teens) to provide for there is a lot more stress instantly on my shoulders.
"All job losses sting. People who don't care about their jobs quit. Employees who remain almost always have an emotional investment that causes them pain when they are asked to leave before they're ready to," said clinical psychologist Kathleen Brehony, Ph.D., of Norfolk, Va. "The loss of work is much like other losses in our lives in this respect — it causes considerable grief and suffering." ~ Coping with Unexpected Job Loss
I've been without work in the past, out of work from any reason, many times caused by the bipolar symptoms flaring up and other times with the work just drying up.
I'm working many jobs to supplemented my income. Learned this lesson back in 2008 when my business went belly up in the course of three months due to the economy. With blogging, and working part-time. This revenue does NOT pay the current bills. But, at least, this time, I have a path forward.
While I may not have been ready or 100% prepared to lose my job. I am 100% sure I can get through the oncoming storm if I don't grieve and wallow in much self-pity.
Whether it is dealing with the loss of job, dealing with surprise symptoms of bipolar or another diagnosis, dealing with stress or anything else that comes with the loss of a job…By-the-way It sucks!
When The —- Hits The Fan, it seems like when it rains, it pours! Just as the moving pros, in the mental health humor cartoon, are having the rope snap on the sofa smashing Mr. Potato Head, STUFF HAPPENS! Unexpected stuff and we need to roll with the punches.
It days like today that I am so glad I have PsychCentral. Here I have a plethora of knowledge and help to deal with every sort of issue that could affect our family from financial matters to the uncertainty of life living with a mental health diagnosis.
Here are seven tips that are helping me from Melody Wilding, LMSW, Master Coach, and she teaches human behavior at The City University of New York (CUNY) Hunter College.
7 Steps to Surviving Job Loss | World of Psychology
1. Realize you're mourning – Chato Says: YES, Check!
2. Acknowledge the loss – Chato Says: Yeah, For sure, Check! Check! Check!
3. Ride the roller coaster of emotions – Chato Says: Woke up this morning got me a ticket for this ride.
4. Cleanse – not there yet.
5. Don't engage in self-defeat.
6. Lose the "what-if's"…
7. Embrace the upsides.
Moving Man 1: I don't get it, I'm lost, I don't know what to do….
Moving Man 2: Get some sour cream and chives… (sign: Caution)
Caption: Isn't it ironic, don't you think – couch mashed potato.
Mental illness is serious. We need the courage to survive ANY Mental Health diagnosis. It's hard to understand, for some, the depth of compassion along with empathy, each mental health survivor/peer has…they have to be Empathic Leaders.
Nevertheless, it's always reassuring to me that when I talk to my peers about living with my diagnosis and symptoms of bipolar, I know they can empathize with me; not just sympathize.
Empathy is an important quality for healthy relationships and effective communication.
That is not always easy to do. Especially IF you have never walked in somebody else's shoes. Our diagnosis may keep us thinking and focusing only on our own balance. At times, it's so easy to get caught up in our feelings and sufferings that we fail to be there for those who are the closest to us. All of us need an empathetic ear, and a sympathetic shoulder to cry on when dealing with the burden and trial of a mental illness diagnosis. It can be a very dark tunnel to make it through and out the other side. Sympathy alone is not enough. Empathy is needed to the help see the light aspect of that tunnel.
Share your thoughts. What do we do to develop further and cultivate empathy? Our mental well-being is at stake.
By developing empathy, you can deepen your understanding and acceptance of how and why people do what they do, and build greater respect for others…This doesn't mean whitewashing the differences you have with other people, or letting them walk over you. Rather, empathy gives you a stronger, wiser base for resolving conflicts when you have them. You're able to bridge differences more effectively and with less destructiveness. ~ [vi] Douglas LaBier Ph.D.
"To sum up the differences between the most commonly used meanings of these two terms: sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another." ~ dictionary.com Empathy-vs-sympathy blog excerpt
Empathy [i]: the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else's feelings.
Sympathy [ii]: the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, misfortune.
Apathy [iii]: the feeling of not having much emotion or interest : an apathetic state.
Mental Health Humor
Yellow Balloon: I feel so deflated and down as if the joy is being sucked out of me.
Red Balloon: I Think I'm feeling an emotional connection with you… I feel your pain..Ya hear that Hissing??
Caption: Empathy: It is the ability to share someone else's feelings
Attention Florida Peer and Advocates Please help me share the Florida CLEAR Warm Line. Call 800 945 1355 – say it: 800 945 1355. It rolls off the tongue. It is the CLEAR Warm Line staffed by Peer Specialists waiting to lend an ear. Offering support for you from 4:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. seven days a week.
[i]Empathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy
[ii]Sympathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sympathy
[iii]Apathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/apathy
[vi] Douglas LaBier Ph.D.(Apr 12, 2010) Are You Suffering From Empathy Deficit Disorder? Retrieved on June 21, 2016, from
MLA: "Empathy vs. Sympathy | Dictionary.com Blog." Insert Name of Site in Italics. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Jun. 2016 http://blog.dictionary.com/empathy-vs-sympathy/]]>
"The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen, not touched, but are felt in the heart." (Helen Keller)
Can Adults Learn Empathy? YES, we are born with Empathy, it is inherently human to be empathetic…We are all Empath's at heart. I feel it is our life's negative experiences that chip away at Empathy…pushing it down deep inside us.
Okay, we know from part one of this post basically, What Empathy Is Not? Yes for some, it might be harder to tap into it so quickly. For some of us, it turns into sympathy. Still for Others with so many negative experiences in life, some situations could take on a feeling of Apathy.
Unfortunately for many of us, our entire life is bombarded with negative imagery. We become numb and apathy sets in. We are taught through life to judge…everything and everyone! Judging (how we look, how others look, who is smarter, faster, better)…Many can be very criticizing and overly critical sometimes with overinflated opinions. All lacking empathy.
For me, as a person living with the many fun symptoms of bipolar, I want to keep giving my empathic continuum lots of exercise and use.
Here are a few ways to LEARN and practice empathy today:
Adapted from psychotherapist Susan Donnelly [vi]: The Many Faces of Empathy
Empathy is:
Compassion can also be challenging in that it may call us to confront the causes of another's suffering, which can include abuse, bigotry, or unjust social and economic structures. Compassion begins with empathic connection, and carries on with committed action. ~ Susan Donnelly [vi]
Mental Health Humor
Classroom: Empathy 101: Apathy 10?
Empathy 101 Door Sign: If you feel my sadness enter…
Apathy 10? Door Sign: WhatEver
Caption: Can You Learn Empathy? Or Like, Do you care, Whatever…
Attention Florida Peer and Advocates Please help me share the Florida CLEAR Warm Line. Call 800 945 1355 – say it: 800 945 1355. It rolls off the tongue. It is the CLEAR Warm Line staffed by Peer Specialists waiting to lend an ear. Offering support for you from 4:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. 7 days a week.
[i]Empathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy
[ii]Sympathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sympathy
[iii]Apathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/apathy
APA Reference
[vi]Donnelly, S. (2014). The Many Faces of Empathy. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 23, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/01/27/the-many-faces-of-empathy/
It's been said that many people might believe they are empathetic or they mostly demonstrate empathy. When in reality, they're feeling sympathy. Though, some are feeling outright apathy…right from the start.
I was reading comments from a blogger post on an article about Empathy. One sub-title: "Empathy Is A Gift." Referring to empathy feelings as a gift and distinguishing themselves as "empaths." I found it very enlightening. In this post, I will be referring to Empathy NOT "empath" or "empath personality type."
One noteworthy point from the article about the empath personality type, overall the comments seemed encouraging and flattering. However, it struck me that, not every commentator was favorable. Interesting that the very people who were gifted as Empaths, expressed how their gift had some very negative effects. More than a few were plagued with anxiety, depression and even fear! So where is there a balance?
One Empath said something like, let me paraphrase the important part: being an Empath is like absorbing every emotion and feeling. The physical, mental and emotional, she said, is like pain and is crippling. She suffers tremendously. Until she learned to protect herself from toxic people and avoid negativity.
I can agree, balance is the key. Not everyone will fall into the empath personality type.
Nevertheless, we all will do well to show and have and FEEL empathy for each other. We don't have to have the Empath personality type to express EMPATHY. There is no way to JUDGE [!] the depth on how you FEEL. But there are a few basics that can help us learn.
So let's look at Empathy in the simplest definition. Can we separate it from sympathy? Or Apathy?
I think empathy is different from sympathy. I, as a blogger, want to believe I am an empathetic person. I have to be empathetic to be able to write my blog. I write about feelings and I write what others may feel. I feel their pain. I really am NOT empathetic "If" everything starts with "I".
Wow, this is hard to do, even though in the paragraphs I forced the pronoun overuse of "I" to make a point. It can be difficult to apply, but it is essential to learn empathy. It is not just changing our pronouns.
NOTE: There is nothing wrong with not being empathetic 100% of the time. For the people that have that gift, they themselves, sometimes suffer. BUT, we should be able to know what the difference is between Empathy and Sympathy and Apathy. Empathy is fellow feeling and a tool to connect to someone on an interpersonal level that can offer hope and healing on a deeper level.
It suspends judgment, opinions, emotions (like anger and resentment). Empathy must overcome stereotypes. We need to have an ability to temporarily suspend our own opinions. To be able to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
Okay, I know. I am only scratching the surface, hey, it's a cartoon blog. What do you expect?…Is this some symptoms of bipolar or something??? No, but, I do want to hear from you…WHAT IS NOT empathy? Add onto What (basically) Is Not Empathy?
Mental Health Humor
Classroom: Empathy 101: Apathy 10?
Empathy 101 Door Sign: If you feel my sadness enter…
Apathy 10? Door Sign: Whatever
Caption: Can You Learn Empathy? Or Like, Do you care, Whatever…
Attention Florida Peer and Advocates: Please help me share the Florida CLEAR Warm Line. Call 800 945 1355 – say it: 800 945 1355. It rolls off the tongue. It is the CLEAR Warm Line staffed by Peer Specialists waiting to lend an ear. Offering support for you from 4:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. 7 days a week.
[!]Judge: Someone who shows empathy will avoid judging others.
[i]Empathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy
[ii]Sympathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sympathy
[iii]Apathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/apathy
I have seen a lot of things while shopping, but what I was about to witness would shock even me. A mother (or caregiver) administer an aggressive public corporal/physical punishment /beating /spanking / paddling of a child in front of about 15 people…
You may feel sorry or sympathy for a child that is crying or fussing. Every child is going to get fussy shopping now and again. The lights, the hustle/bustle, and noisy activity can be scary. If you ask any parent what is the worst part of parenting besides cleaning diapers, and feelings of helplessness when they are sick…Going shopping with the tired and fussy child might make that list!
The Little Boy in the shopping cart in the store cried as long as I was in the store. I was there for about 45 minutes already when I made my way up to the check outline. So this little guy was stuck in the shopping cart all that while crying and wailing inconsolably. I felt bad for both the mother (or caregiver I only assumed it was the mother) and the little guy.
I wanted to do something to help. So when the long checkout line opened with a second cashier, I allowed her to go ahead of me and I asked the person in front of me to allow her to cut in front of them. They happily said yes. Still, I wanted to do more. I was making funny faces at the little guy and he stopped crying for a bit, even got a smirk and smile. There were about 15 people there, and for some unknown reason, the woman's order took some time to process.
The little guy wanted out, "up. up". he screams and is crying, and the mother or caregiver seemed to be doing what she could, but he just wants out of the store carriage. And just as the transaction was over and he was finally going to get the attention he desperately needed…The mother pushed the cart up to the door then when she could lovingly pick up the child to comfort him. Instead, She exploded and beat the kid with 3 or 4 full-power-swing paddle-like smacks on the boy's back and backside!
I immediately gasped out loud and I'm sure the mother could hear my NO! NO! That's not what you do Mom! She just walked out of the door.
The mother did not snap, this mother did not reach a threshold to stress and kapow! This is just how the mother or caregiver felt it was necessary to discipline the child still in diapers who was tired. I personally don't think this kind of aggressive behavior…smacking and paddling any infant or child works. It NEVER works for a child that does not understand why he/she is getting hit. The child learns that hitting is how to solve problems.
The fact she did so publicly and so effortlessly was a bit scary! What will she do the kid behind a closed door?
I wanted to do more than speak up from the line I was in at the store. I had two people in front of me and she was gone before I got outside. I was feeling helpless. What more could I do? What more should I do?
Have you ever been in a situation similar to this? Can you empathize with me, people in line or the with the mother/caregiver? Do you feel sympathy for the child or does this kind of thing happen so much that it's none of our business? Should we care? Have total apathy toward the whole thing?
Remember I asked in part one, that after you read "Is Aggressive Behavior Caused By Paddling" post…which of the three feelings: Empathy, Sympathy, or Apathy did the story of The Little Boy in the Shopping Cart invoke most? Feel free to comment, to share your thoughts, and maybe an idea on how to handle a situation like this (if it ever was to happen again).
(Part 1| Part 2)
"A new study from Japan shows that children who receive positive attention and care from their parents have high incomes, high happiness levels, academic success, and a strong sense of morality" ~ *Parenting Methods Shown to Impact Outcomes for Kids.
Mental Health Humor
Ping Pong Paddle: I can't take this anymore, are we ping-pong or table tennis??? ARRRrrr
Ping Pong Ball: I DON'T KNOW!
Caption: Is Aggressive Behavior Caused By Paddling?
(Part 1| Part 2)
Chato Stewart
Empathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy
Sympathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sympathy
Apathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/apathy
Wood, J. (2016). Parenting Methods Shown to Impact Outcomes for Kids. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 21, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/news/2016/06/18/parenting-methods-shown-to-impact-outcomes-for-kids/104952.html
I am a product of aggressive parenting behavior. I grew up back in a time when corporal punishment or spanking was still widely accepted forms of discipline. There were no time-out chairs to sit on. My parents used wooden spoons, the belt, the paddle, and the good old-fashioned hand.
After you read "Is Aggressive Behavior Caused By Paddling" post, please ask yourself which of the three feelings: Empathy, Sympathy, or Apathy did it pull at most?
Would you spank (corporal/physical punishment) a child for being tired? I guess that would depend if you believe in spanking as a form of discipline?
I think my father read this book by Dr. James Dobson who wrote in The Strong-Willed Child (1978): "Corporal punishment in the hands of a loving parent is a teaching tool by which harmful behavior is inhibited."
As for Joan and I, because of how I grew up, going the route of corporal/physical punishment for our kids was out of the question! That doesn't mean we are push overs. It just means there are many, other fun ways to, um, I mean more "productive" ways to discipline/train/teach…lovingly guide. Apathy is not one of them… As parents, Joan and I, we might care too much.
I'm always empathetic to a parent or child caregiver when I see them with a fussy child ESPECIALLY when shopping. As a father of four, I know the difficulties that come with shopping with four over-tired children. Jeez, I remember being in stores check-out lines with 2 babies, one in each arm, both overtired and crying, while trying to control my other two who were so exhausted, but couldn't sit still …ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET OUT OF THE STORE!
Ugg, those were very tough days…but there were normally at the end of very fun and memorable "Daddy Adventure Days." Days I would take the kids out all day so, Mom could have some free time.
Many mothers and veteran parents looked at me, a new dad, with empathy and smiles of approval. I got a lot of "veteran parents" telling me what a "good father" I am… Really, Mom deserved a lot of the credit too. Still, I did not mind the comments (based on assumptions).
The child, the little boy in the shopping cart, could not have been more than three years old. It was obvious, to any parent that, this little guy was exhausted! The whole time I was shopping I could hear this little guy cry, "up!, up!, up!" or hear the echoing crying of "NO!, no!" This child in the store was stuck in the shopping cart for a while…And it went on for a long time. Off and on I could hear this little guy crying to get out. At one point in the store when we passed each other in the aisle…The mother or caregiver was so apologetic about the little guy crying and carrying on. I told her not to worry about it. I understand, and that it doesn't bother me. He looked like he was about to fall asleep. (I thought, maybe, she was just walking him around to wear him out.) I can understand that.
I have seen a lot of things while shopping, but what I was about to witness would shock even me. A mother or caregiver administer an aggressive public…
(Part 1| Part 2)
Mental Health Humor
Ping Pong Paddle: I can't take this anymore, is this game ping-pong or table tennis??? ARRRrrr
Ping Pong Ball: I DON'T KNOW!
Caption: Is Aggressive Behavior Caused By Paddling?
Empathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy
Sympathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sympathy
Apathy Definition © 2015. Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. Retrieved on June 10, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/apathy
Yes, it is a beautiful idea with a great many real-life applications…right off the hood, you might say, for people living with disabilities that limit their mobility.
Wow, that is awesome! Just thinking about the use of a self-driving car for the blind or others with physical disabilities…
Well, truthfully the thought brings a tear of joy to my eyes and a big grinning smile to my face. The humanitarian aspects seem endless… but what about those of us with a mental disability? Would there be applications for driverless cars for people like me living with Bipolar Disorder? Agoraphobia? Depression? Anxiety?
I could not help to think of "murphy's law" with this Google's Sticky Car (for context please see Google's Sticky Car: Is A Sticky Situation Worth A Life?)…Yes, Yes, YES, I know it is a great idea conceptually…but what if something goes wrong???
Did you know the driverless cars are road testing in California, Michigan, Florida, Nevada, Arizona, North Dakota, Tennessee, the District of Columbia, and Utah?
Driverless Cars – Could they help the Mental Health community?
People living with which diagnosis might benefit most from a Driverless Car?
Do you think the Sticky Car could every be a required safety component to cars of the future?
Vehicle-Safety Specialists: Don't Be Afraid You are Glued to My HOOD For Your Protection…
United States Patent: "The adhesive bonds the pedestrian to the vehicle so that the pedestrian remains with the vehicle until it stops"
Caption: The Sticky Car
Google Car Photo by Michael Shick
Wonderful, amazing, awesome driverless car and Google a bunch and they could be near you! How could I not let my imagination run wild when I read the headline "Google Patents 'Sticky Car' for Driverless Collisions With Pedestrians"… Yes, a STICKY CAR even refers to "The system acts a bit like flypaper"…C'mon car flypaper! I couldn't help drawing this Mental Health Humor cartoon.
… The system includes an adhesive layer that is positioned on the hood, front bumper, and/or front side panels of the vehicle… Upon impact with a pedestrian, the coating is broken exposing the adhesive layer…. The adhesive bonds the pedestrian to the vehicle so that the pedestrian remains with the vehicle until it stops, … ~ United States Patent Adhesive Vehicle Front End For Mitigation of Secondary Pedestrian Impact SUMMARY
A Sticky Car! The car that could save your life if it hits you…maybe, you're not adhering to the law and jaywalking and without warning set out in front of Google's Sticky Car.
Instead of bouncing off the hood and into traffic and getting more injuries or death…The pedestrian /victim would stick, adhere to the hood like a fly on flypaper for safety.
"In the event of a collision between a vehicle and a pedestrian, injury to the pedestrian is often caused not only by the initial impact of the vehicle and the pedestrian, but also by the ensuing, secondary impact between the pedestrian and the road surface or other object," Google writes in the patent.
Sticky Car makes me dream up so many possibilities, it makes me laugh. When I read the article–simultaneously began drawing the cartoon…lol.
Okay, this is not a joke, but if you don't know, Google has a fleet of self-driving cars. It is nothing new. Google did not invent the concept. Self-driving cars have been around since the 50's.
Google self-driving car they just made it a reality (note they are not alone: Apple, Tesla, and Volvo are also involved in similar research). The "autonomous motor vehicles" are far from perfect, but continuous upgrades to software and programming to the smart car are making it almost scary…A machine that thinks for itself and drives better than me…Think Terminator, Skynet – AWESOME!
"A fleet of 57 vehicles have so far clocked up around 1.5 million driverless miles," says Sputnik, news media (really it's now 70 per Agence France-Presse, 20 May 2016). With programming updated there is also safety updated too, that is the sticky hood. Sadly, each year there are about 32k (as of 2014) Traffic Crash Fatalities. Note, if there is any good news about this number is that…it's gone down from 40k a year. Of this 32k (as of 2014) Traffic Crash Fatalities were 5,813 pedestrians.
More than 5.4 million police-reported motor vehicle crashes occurred in the United States in 2010. Twenty-eight percent of those crashes (1.54 million) resulted in an injury, and fewer than 1 percent (30,196) resulted in a death. [Data Crashes 2010]
Because there is a lot of needless loss of life–these cars could help save lives. Even if they save one life, is that not worth it? I am sure if it was your life or your child's life, it would be worth it.
There is a lot being talked about like who will regulate/control the programming? How will they be programmed? If there are any Star Trek Fans, then you will get this reference… but how would the car handle a Kobayashi Maru scenario? Just things to think about.
Vehicle-Safety Specialists: Don't Be Afraid You are Glued to My HOOD For Your Protection…
United States Patent: "The adhesive bonds the pedestrian to the vehicle so that the pedestrian remains with the vehicle until it stops"
Caption: The Sticky Car
Chato Stewart
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION (2016). Traffic Crash Fatalities. NCSA DATA RESOURCE. Retrieved on May 30, 2016, from http://www-fars.nhtsa.dot.gov/Main/index.aspx
Google Car Photo by Michael Shick
Google Sign Photo by feliperivera
Bullying occurs when a person (not just children)…(or this can be a group of people) repeatedly tries to physically hurt, emotionally embarrass or frighten another person.
The Mental Health Humor Cartoon above is focused on bullying on school grounds and finding a loop-hole in the Anti-Bullying Policy. Much of the bullying that happens nowadays is not always on "school grounds" or in the real world… Online there is vicious and hateful bullying being done. This is called Cyberbullying or "electronically bullied."
"Children and teenagers who bully use their unequal power against kids or teens who are younger or unable to fight back in any meaningful way. This imbalance of power is key, because bullies look for victims who cannot defend themselves. While sometimes the bullying is physical, increasingly bullying behavior is done electronically online, through apps, Facebook, other social media, or websites. This form of bullying is referred to as "electronically bullied."" ~†Facts & Statistics on Bullying
According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services website ‡Stopbullying.gov, defines 3 types of bullying: Verbal bullying, Social bullying (also called "relational"), and Physical bullying .
Here are the three types of bullying:
Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
- Teasing
- Name-calling
- Inappropriate sexual comments
- Taunting
- Threatening to cause harm
Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone's reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
- Leaving someone out on purpose
- Telling other children not to be friends with someone
- Spreading rumors about someone
- Embarrassing someone in public
Physical bullying involves hurting a person's body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:
- Hitting/kicking/pinching
- Spitting
- Tripping/pushing
- Taking or breaking someone's things
- Making mean or rude hand gestures
†Grohol, J. (2016). Facts & Statistics on Bullying. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 27, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/facts-statistics-on-bullying/
‡Stop Bullying Gov (2016). Bullying Definition. stopbullying.gov. Retrieved on May 27, 2016, from http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/index.html]]>
While a Mental Health Humor cartoon does not really fully define any of the three types of bullies; rather it's showing a former bully playing a fair game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Maybe, he has learned his lesson. Maybe, he's just looking for a loop-hole.
Has there been over-education of Anti-Bullying? Do kids turn a deaf ear to the message? Does it work or does it only have teeth when there is a death?
Some school administration says working together they "hope" things can get better. What will happen next is left directly to the administration staff for the appropriate discipline. Will it be a stern talking to? A suspension? Or detention? Or will law-enforcement be involved? Or will they "hope" it all works out?
When it comes to bullying, I can't help but think of a quote from Jurassic Park when Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeffrey Lynn Goldblum) finds out the dinosaurs "can't breed in the wild." Thanks in part to the wisdom of population control as security precautions. Says:
"life will not be contained. Life breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, uh… well, there it is…I'm simply saying that life, uh… finds a way." ~ Dr. Ian Malcolm
I can't help to apply that quote to the BULLY, or Bullies and Haters of the world! Anti-bulling or bullies, education, and campaigns it seems – they will find a way!
One can't change the channel today without seeing a bully on T.V. It seems like they wear it like a badge of honor. Bullying may start in youth, but it seems to have a long-lasting effect. People are proud of it, they laugh at it… this is not funny.
It is a sad truth, but until we can TRY/LEARN to have some type of universal "treat each other as we would like to be treated" or "golden rule" applied and humanity as a whole applies LOVE our neighbors and treats each other with love and respect…Unless that will happen, bullies will always find a loop-hole.
We may want to change every bully, but we cannot bully them to change. How loving is that? Yes, teach them properly how to behave. Yes, have laws that have teeth for those that violate.
How loving is that to bully a bully to do what we think is right. Give them and their victim the support and professional help needed.
At the same time, we need to look at the victim of bullies and build tools to cope. Bullying is a complex issue that can go on for years with parents aware or unaware. It is violent and shameful. Nothing worse being in school then having kids turn on you, then beat you…Nothing worse than you later taking that rage out on the next kid that is singled out, just glad the bullies didn't turn on you this time. But now it makes you–one of the bullies. Bullies breed bullies…can bullies change?
Can bullies change? YES, I think so, but it takes more than a poster or an assembly to do it. Yet, it is being done. Many former bullies now fight for others that don't have their strong voices yet. It may take a life altering event to open the eyes of a bully to see the harm done. Or for the bully to want to make reparations and amend the wrongs caused by bullying. The emotional pain may not be appeased with just saying "I'm sorry" by the bully. Knowing they will not bully again because THEY NOW UNDERSTAND the pain that they are really causing. There has to be a small victory in that. Small victories can be few when they do happen…take joy in small victories.
It's been a long game…I know what you're thinking… Do I throw Paper or do I throw scissors? I have one question to ask…do you feel lucky, well do Ya?
Just take it!
…the age of the "Non-violent Fair Play Bully"
Mental Health Humor and psychological disorder humor and cartoons by Chato Stewart
Which statements are True? or False? Read the answer by hovering over the link below question.
(True? or False?)
(True? or False?)
(True? or False?)
(True? or False?)
(True? or False?)
†Karen DeBord, Ph.D. College of Agriculture and Life Sciences(2002). Bullies. NORTH CAROLINA COOPERATIVE EXTENSION SERVICE . Retrieved on May 17, 2016, from https://cyfar.org/sites/default/files/cyfar_research_docs/Bullies.pdf
First, take a good look at this Mental Health Humor cartoons series, The Family Stew. That's me and my Bi polar symptoms. Even on a couch, it looks like a lot of hard work. Have you ever met someone like me? Maybe, you know someone living with bi polar disorder or you have loved someone with bipolar?
If so, then my cartoons may be a little to0 close to home. You may not find all my cartoons funny. Some are not always meant to be funny. The idea behind the cartoons is to use humor to cope. Remember it's helpful, even therapeutic, to use humor in dealing with many of life's issues. So why can't we use humor as a tool for mental health?
With this in mind, I have taken the serious symptoms of Bipolar Mania and Bipolar Depression and paired it with one of my Mental Heath Humor cartoons below. Coping with Bipolar symptoms with the use of Positive Humor is good for us. Laughter is the best medicine!
Yes, I can laugh! I know it's not all fun and games… Maybe, I've got a higher purpose, one that takes hard work to achieve. One that has been called by different names… Like, "balance," or "recovery," or "normal."
Before I get into the symptoms, let me just touch on one thing. Bipolar is not an excuse. If some say things like, get off your butt/couch/sofa/or chair" or "why can't you do more" or "be more highly functioning" or contribute to society…It is as if they are saying something is wrong with my MORAL Compass…
Well, I say…Laughter is the best medicine!
Symptoms of Bipolar: Is Bipolar Disorder A Lazy Diagnosis
In the above-Mental Health Humor Bi polar cartoon, can you pinpoint any of my common Bipolar symptoms? Do you see any Bipolar Mania or Bipolar Depression phases that we may share in common? Remember not everyone's symptoms are the same and the severity of mania and depression can very. Let's use a little Mental Health Humor to review some of the other symptoms.
During a manic phase, symptoms include:
See more symptoms at Psychcentral.com Symptoms Of Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression)
Chato Stewart
* Bipolar once known as Manic Depression
# Bipolar and Uni-Polar depression differ due to the manic state of the bi polar episode.]]>
Are you singing or humming the tune from my subject line? Then you might have been around in the 80's. To be exact, FEBRUARY 12, 1983 and the song you're singing is Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant.
Some quick fix or facts: Goody Two Shoes lasts twenty-one weeks on †Billboard Top 100. While Goody Two Shoes will only peek to the 12 position on Billboard. The song will become a tune that will stick in your head like sticky over- cooked spaghetti "Don't drink don't smoke – what do you do? – Don't drink don't smoke – what do you do?" Okay, if you know the lyrics–feel free to keep singing… solo ~ so low I can't hear you… Okay, now that's a "Subtle innuendo." Do you Follow, or am I too indirect or subtle with that derogatory implication?
With my Mental Health Humor ‡Over-Medicated cartoon-above, I'm not really being subtle about dealing with my Bipolar. Listen, I've been there when you're living with Bi Polar (diagnosed or undiagnosed). I DON'T RECOMMEND Self-Medication! Nevertheless, Years ago, there was a time I've used a drink to self-medicate. Or when things got to the point of psychosis had a drag, a smoke or two (smoke?? Is that subtle double meaning…for me, no.) One time or another for one reason or another, there is a high chance we have self-medicated.
I am going to say something awful, remember I am not a doctor, this is NOT advice or a recommendation OF ANY kind what so ever!!! Yet, would feel amiss if I did not speak the truth. At extreme times, it seems like some peers might self-medicate. Twenty-five years ago, when there is no other choice Self-medication saved my life…well so did Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI). Yet, it was a two-edged sword, you can really make some like long bad decisions while "self-medicated". So be forewarned. Self-medicating may seem like an easy way out, can also be the worst move that will only complicate recovery. In short, it is self-medication is very dangerous and not recommended!
Now here is a doctor and gives sound advice Dr. Barbara Bachmeier, Psy.D. She is a clinical psychologist has served in an interview with Psych Central's *Clinicians on the Couch. I found out she has "20 years in the mental health field, providing a variety of services across a wide spectrum of populations and cultures, including communities in Northern California and Guam".
Dangers of Self-Medicating
It is not uncommon for people who have mood disorders to consider using nontraditional means to manage their moods. This often leads to the use of a variety of substances from marijuana, alcohol, amphetamines, and more. Sometimes the self medication consists of experimenting with herbs such as St. Johns Wart, or with supplements like melatonin for sleep. The temptation to experiment with alternative drugs to balance the mood can come from a variety of reasons. However, self medication may be more detrimental to your mental health than working with a team who has both additional expertise and your best interest at heart.
Some people are reluctant to receive the diagnosis of bi polar as they fear the stigma that might be attached to that. An individual with this kind of fear might avoid going to see a mental health professional and from working with a psychiatrist to find the best medical intervention. Other people might not like the side effects of the medications that their psychiatrist is prescribing. And some people simply don't like the hassle of being under the care of medical and mental health professionals, which requires regular visits and following a structured regimen. ~ ¡ Are You Self Medicating? by Dr. Barbara Bachmeier Psych Central
What are the Benefits of Self-Medication with ALCOHOL or illicit drugs… NONE! – All are temporary and will do nothing more than sidetrack attention from the real problem.
UPDATE *While this is a humor blog and I like to use a lot of Psych-Babble, one commenter did have a point on alcoholism. Thought she seemed to miss the point of this post, it's about 'self-medication' not alcoholism. For more information please see Psych Central's: Alcoholism Library
Reference small
† Billboard ARCHIVE SEARCH (1983). Billboard Hot 100 – 1983: Billboard . Retrieved on May 09, 2016, from www..com/charts/hot-100/1983-02-12
‡ Over-Medicated (2016). What is going on in your Medicine Cabinet? Over-Medicated shows you!!!. OverMedicated. Retrieved on May 11, 2016, from http://over-medicated.com
¡Bachmeier, D. (2015). Are You Self Medicating?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 11, 2016, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/bipolar-update/2015/04/are-you-self-medicating/
*Tartakovsky, M. (2015). Clinicians on the Couch: 10 Questions with Psychologist Barbara Bachmeier. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 12, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/clinicians-on-the-couch-10-questions-with-psychologist-barbara-bachmeier/]]>
Can guess how many years I've been blogging here at Psych Central? I remember the day John M. Grohol, Psy.D. welcomed me, Chato Stewart and the Mental Health Humor project to Psych Central almost as if it was yesterday.
"Humor is an individual thing, though, and we recognize that. So you may not find everything Chato does "funny," and that's okay. That just reminds us all that we all have an individual and unique sense of humor." – ‡ by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. April 23, 2010
Looking back, I am laughing at this AWESOME glowing embrace and review! It's cheeky! Oh, but it is so true, Mental Health and Humor can be a fine line. For many years, some have used it in a negative and cruel way. Yet, Doctor John got what I was going for right from the beginning:
Humor's one of those funny things, if you'll pardon the pun. Everyone's sense of humor is different. So having warned you ahead of time, I find some of Chato Stewart's cartoons on mental health and psychology topics funny, but you may not. -† By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. April 4, 2008
Yes, while time-to-time there may be a need to be forewarned of the humor ahead. No need to shock that old funny bone.
Dr. John let me drive the point home about the Mental health humor cartoon in the welcome when he says:'But Chato says it best —
I've known all my life the power behind humor, it can give help, hope, and healing. My goal and mission has also been to tap into humor and use it as a positive tool to cope with the serious and debilitating effects of mental illness. – by Chato Stewart April 23, 2010
Can you believe it has been six years of that I've been blogging here at Psych Central! As I celebrate these last six years… that my 'diagnosis' can't strip me from the MOST POWER COPING MECHANISM I have – my sense of humor….I want to take a moment to say: THANK YOU for the all the Mental Health Humor Readers!
There are days when I am drawing, that I get emails from peers around the world that are all really encouraging. I think: I must be dreaming. It is a wonderful dream to be drawing cartoons and sharing them with my peers that bring a smidgen of joy or laughter -LIGHT – in our, otherwise, dark world.
On more than a few occasions, peers that are experiencing deep depression express to me that they LOVE my Mental Health Humor cartoons. Yet, they can't take being happy right now. Can you imagine that! Being so down that you will deprive yourself of anything that makes you feel any positive emotions…
I can. I feel that way often. I understand how it feels…not wanting to laugh, smile, or giggle… I understand the dark places better. Often better than the happy places. That is why I know I have to try and reach my peers with these simple little, happy cartoons.
A little laugh, smile, giggle even if only for few seconds for my peers that are suffering from the effects of bi polar, depression, anxiety, moods disorders, ADHD, and a host of other mental health labels…Can change how we deal with the day or help us change a mood.
Gosh, I have to say it. If only one of my cartoons connects with you and makes you smile, laugh or giggle when you're feeling down, blue and BLAH!–Then it is worth all the time and effort I've put into drawing it.
Remember I only need one peer to like my cartoons. I don't want to place too much pressure and stress on myself. Way to set the bar Chato, at one!
Everyone's sense of funny and humor is different! The Mental Health Humor cartoons are written and drawn by someone not so different than my peers. My goal as already quoted: "I give help, hope, and healing… & …to tap into humor and use it as a positive tool."
Robert: Oh I Feel so ALIVE! The SUN,the SKY…The WORLD is my STAGE!
Lady In the Park: Great! I can't wait to see your depressive stage. (Reading BP Hope Bipolar Disorder Peer to Peer Magazine)
Caption: Delusions Of Spring
It is said every blog has its own voice. Normally speaking it's based on the writer's strong points of view on a subject they are passionate about. Yet when you're starting out, it may take a while to find your "voice" and to keep it consistent. Well, The Da' Stew-Pid World cartoon above is part of the same process but from a cartoonist blogger angle. This cartoon is from a series from a "working title" trying to find its own voice. I needed a title that made a point, that would say everything all at once. Yet what I had with "The Da' Stew-Pid World" was really self-deprecating verbiage of my past. Even though it was meant to be a play on words "Chato Stewart" = "Da Stew", when you add the "PID", I am basically saying 'STUPID', a word that does not unite. It would take a stay in the hospital for the series title to be transformed into what is known far and wide as the Mental Health Humor cartoon series.
Join in on the Mirth and funny Cartoons about living with Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, Other mood and mental health disorders: Chato's free e-newsletter:http://eepurl.com/b5Mvj.
PLEASE, HELP ME SHARE A SMILE BY SHARING THESE POSTS via the social links below.
"One Share Makes Many Smiles!" ~ Chato Stewart
‡ Grohol, J. (2010). Welcome to Mental Health Humor. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 8, 2016, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/humor/2010/04/welcome-to-mental-health-humor/
† Grohol, J. (2008). Need a Light-Hearted Mental Health Laugh?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 1, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/04/04/need-a-light-hearted-mental-health-laugh/
In this custom Mental Health Humor cartoon, we meet a factious Dave, a Museum Of Paleontology curator in Mississippi. David's difficulty in concentration, finishing projects, completing assignments, multi-tasks simultaneously, on conversations and losing attention often take a toll on his work. Problems remembering appointments, obligations, all combined have been an issue stemming from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Dave is successful, even with so many difficulties. He just needs to keep a good schedule and keep to his routine. His therapist suggested a pet companion…but the therapy dog may need a dog therapist.
ADHD PET THERAPY Stress companion
Museum of Paleontology
Therapy Dog: "SQUIRREL"
David: late, late, late, late, late! ICE CREAM! e=MC2 math-music the meaning of life- PIZZA- and many more wonderful ideas that quickly are interrupted…
Caption: Dave's ADHD intensified at work soon after he go a pet companion
#1623 ADHD PET THERAPY Stress companion
Over the years drawing the Mental Health Humor cartoons, I've always tried to draw– spread the wealth– so to speak, but there are a number of topics I–beef up– so to speak. ADD / ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is one of those subjects. I honestly believe it is important to enhance our recovery by using humor as a coping mechanism. Yes, to build a connection using humor, laughing and even just smiling…will improve the way we deal with "serious" conditions in our mental health and moods.
An IM from one of my facebook friends asked if I had an ADD/ADHD cartoon for her college paper. I thought…I have over a ton of cartoons, surely, I must have a cartoon that would fit the need. After reviewing the 3 ADHD Mental Health Humor cartoons drawn in 2010 and 2011 below, 2 things were determined. One: the Mental Health Humor cartoon would not work for her paper. Two: I need to draw more cartoons about ADHD. SQUIRREL!
Yes, none of the old ADHD cartoons worked. So, I took some info and told her I would try and draw her a custom cartoon for her paper about ADHD. Yes, once again, a Mental Health Humor Cartoon will be used as part of a college paper, cool. It happens a lot, but it's still cool-beans!
What was the subject matter that brought me to this cartoon above? She told me her paper was going to be about:
"my paper is on alternative treatments for adults with ADD. I am looking at not using meds as the only treatment for it. I am touching on the following, exercise, diet , vitamins, herbs, Add Coaching, Biofeedback, Exercise. Pet therapy cognitive therapy"
WOW, as a cartoonist she just offered me so many different angles to approach ADHD from an illustrating and humorous point. When I have so many choices I ask myself one thing, what subject would make my kids laugh? "PET THERAPY" that will always make my kids laugh! So, that was how I will approach this custom cartoon. She asked if I could draw:
"a picture of a person with add/ adhd with a dog"
ADHD PET THERAPY Stress companion
Museum of Paleontology
Therapy Dog: "SQUIRREL"
David: late, late, late, late, late! ICE CREAM! e=MC2 math-music the meaning of life- PIZZA- and many more wonderful ideas that are quickly interrupted…
Caption: Dave's ADHD intensified at work soon after he got a pet companion
#1623 ADHD PET THERAPY Stress companion
A Medication combo has been part of my recovery from day one of my diagnosis. Medications can be a very slippery slope. The best medications are expensive and if you don't have insurance you may have to rely on Medicaid or other state programs; Or pay for medications out of your pocket. Even with insurance it can be hard to pay for meds.
Let's say you have a copay of $25.00. Most times to treat our mental illness we're prescribed two, three, or more as a Medication Combo (multiple prescriptions). YES! You might have 4 meds; one to lift you up; one to bring you down; one to keep you stable and one to screw everything again. On top of this, you'll have to make payments for each med or a co-pay for 2 to 4 meds as per the combo; CA-Ching!
Ya! that adds up and can really become a financial burden quickly. Especially if depression has you so depressed you can't go into work for 3 weeks or more every month… You don't get a depression leave of absence.
After the money issues are taken care of…we have to deal with the validity of taking medications. To be medicated or not to be medicated, what does that really mean? Do Medications really work FOR ME? What meds are helping ME? What meds are not working FOR ME? Is The Hunt for the right medication Worth The Trouble? Do the side-effects outweigh the benefits FOR ME? If you're taking a medication for depression THAT has a harsh side-effect of suicidal ideation and deeper depression, well then it's safe to say: that med might need to be tweaked or removed from your combo.
Finding the right medication combo does not happen overnight…but it can happen, for me, my doctor and therapist got the basic combo down, Wellbutrin, and two others. Within three to six month I had a semi-balanced combo. Then made "fine tuning" to my meds as I as…we went along. At times, the combo seemed to work and at other times, it was like starting all over again.
Taking medication is a personal matter. I personally know I need the meds to function. I have seen what can happen when I am not medicated, the problems and pain it causes. So, for me, it is a no brainer… I know the risks, and I don't rely on medication alone in my wellness plan. I take supplements and have changed my diet and look at my overall health…meds play "a" part of my wellness. Mind and Body.
Medication is just a small part of my recovery, they are not the ONLY part. Medications are not a magical pill to recovery. No for me it just a way to quiet the storm. I wish I did not have to take so many, but someday maybe that will change.
Mental Health Humor cartoons by Chato Stewart
Dr. Bob Said to see what does if mixed with this…
The Joy of Bipolar Medication Combo Hunt
Trigger warning: Trigger warning: Please note: Over the next posts, I will be talking about my father's cruel and harsh treatment of me. While I watered it down to make it a "PG." The subject matter may trigger strong, negative, parental feelings/emotions. This is not my intent, the fact is, it is possible. Please, do not read the post after the cartoon…If you like the cartoon, click on the cartoon and you can use this link without the post to share it: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/humor/files/2016/03/1617-Mental-Health-Humor-Mental-Bipolar-Msyter-illness-The-Family-Stew.jpg
Mental Health Humor by Chato Stewart
Chato's Wife: What is going on?
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I hate myself
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I'm really down
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I'm worthless
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I wish I was dead
Caption: Years of untreated depression can change a hairline.
Part 1 | Part 2 |Part 3 |
Brutality? Agony? How Long is it Before WE Ask for Mental Health Help? Cry Havoc! For me, and my family, that is what it felt like. As depicted in the above Mental health humor cartoon, The Family Stew. Not long after, I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2003.
Talking to my mother about my new mental illness diagnosis, I got a feeling of more apathy than compassion. It is now in my family folklore from Mother, but on the phone…she told me how Dad was diagnosed Manic Depressive! (Also called Bipolar disorder.) It was the way she said it that stuck out to me. It was matter of fact as if it meant nothing to a conversation. "oh yeah the doctors at the VA told your father he was manic depressed years ago…". Um, Mum, don't you think I should of had this information sooner??
Again more family folklore from a trusted source: I hear it again while in Boston 2010. We were sitting looking at old photos with one of my sisters and the subject of mental health comes up and she says something like ya, your father was "diagnosed" with Bipolar about six months before he passed… REALLY??
Growing up being on the blunt end of the extremes of Dad's Highs and lows wasn't easy. While we kids tried, it seemed to me that I "always" tried his last nerve. My siblings got their fair share and collectively we were a dysfunctional family unit in the projects. Yet, that "mind over matter" crap dad pushed…he was a huge Narcissist as well. He was above everyone. He was supreme ruler. I don't know why my mother put up with him so long? At one point, I thought she was just codependent on him. Yet, as time went on I realized, my father's extreme moods hid a real man, a loving father, and good father. That was buried under years of denial and decades of agony, extreme physical and mental suffering, chronic pain.
In the 70's and 80's, my formative years, I believe Dad was not in the right place. That many medications for pain and his uncontrolled mood disorder exasperated his fatherhood, parental skills. While I do not want to forget, or belittle dad's effect…I've dealt with it and with him.
My father tried to love us, play catch or go fishing or other Dad things; the best he could. The truth is: with his neck injury and heart condition, he should have been in a wheelchair. With "mind over matter" he ignored the doctor's orders. He always paid for it the next day. Dad took us kids to baseball games, my sisters to gymnastics (my sister was awesome and regional/state champion multi-years, and Karate class with ‡sensei Richard Byrne. – (I will never forget the day meeting a young, red head guy visiting our sensei showing his martial arts, jumps and kicks and rolling over car outside…May be you've heard of him, Chuck Norris).
My Father was no Chuck Norris, but when you scrape away trauma…there was substance…It was not till I was older did I appreciate it. Till I was away from him, was I able to see him.
I then worked on making peace with dad…one could say I was using 'mind or matter'. My mind was telling me: it did not matter anymore. I had a strange relationship with my father. He never thought he was wrong. He never thought we needed to talk much about the past… To him it was all part of growing up. My father was both brilliant and ignorant. He was amazing and lackluster. He could cut you deeper with a word than any blade. May be my father was trying to toughen me up for the world. This caused disorder and confusion with me – "Cry 'Havoc!" And I learned to live in chaos.
Yes, Dad could push anyone's buttons and found joy in doing it. Yet, maybe I was more codepentent on him than I ever thought. All I ever wanted was something he could not give back in words…LOVE. My father would always say he knew he would die alone. Yet, after 3 heart attacks, the doctor tell us that only 5% of his heart worked right due to Cardiomyopathy.
My father was stubborn and only knew his way…the way of harsh, emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse. Belittling treatment, in between there were moments of clarity of a wise and well educated man. He showed me this in his own way…in bits and pieces. While My father rejected me for years, I never gave up on him. I would sit with him in the hospital and towards the end of the day before he died…I was helping him in the backyard. The same backyard that years ago he and grandpa fought in. There we stood laughing, trimming the tomato plants. He just got out the hospital, maybe a week earlier. The doctor ordered him strict bed rest. "Mind over matter"…Besides if he did not do it, who would. Well, besides me.
The next day while I was at work, I got the call. My father was alone in the back of a garden store and shopping and had a massive heart attack. On June 11, 1996, they found him in the back with fertilizer for the garden. He was gone. That is what "mind over matter" got him.
Joan and I were married in 1991. We planned our third trip to France, but this time we were going for three months and would visit all around Europe. Yet with Dad's health failing– I was going to cancel the trip. My father pulled me over one night at hospital and told me: he did not want to me cancel the trip… no matter what happens to him. I made a promise to dad that I would go to Europe–no matter what happened. That year Joan and I did spend 3 months traveling in Europe: France – Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Luxembourgh, Italy, etc.
It was dad's gift. There was a lot of healing on that trip…
Part 1 | Part 2 |Part 3 |
‡ First my Deepest Sympathy to the family of Sensei Richard Byrne. (2016). Legacy Wicked Local Malden. Retrieved on April 4, 2016 from http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/wickedlocal-malden/obituary.aspx?pid=159825624 (I am 75% sure this is the Same person I knew as Sensei Byrne: "Business owner of Byrne's Tang Soo Do Karate Studio of Malden, Richard was Grandmaster and 9th Degree Black Belt. His martial arts training began in Korea in 1969 during the Vietnam War where he was stationed at Osan Air force Base at the same training facility as Chuck Norris." This would explain why Chuck Norris was in Malden when I was a kid.]]>
Trigger warning: Trigger warning: Please note: Over the next posts, I will be talking about my father's cruel and harsh treatment of me. While I watered it down to make it a "PG." The subject matter may trigger strong, negative, parental feelings/emotions. This is not my intent, the fact is, it is possible. Please, do not read the post after the cartoon…If you like the cartoon, click on the cartoon and you can use this link without the post to share it: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/humor/files/2016/03/1617-Mental-Health-Humor-Mental-Bipolar-Msyter-illness-The-Family-Stew.jpg
Mental Health Humor by Chato Stewart
Chato's Wife: What is going on?
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I hate myself
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm really down
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm worthless
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I wish I was dead
Caption :Years of untreated depression can change a hairline.
Part 1 | Part 2 |Part 3 |TO BE CONTINUED
One (mental illness) that at times was very brutal in my young life and toxic for my family. The brutality did not stop with the physical treatment. He had a cruel and harsh treatment of me. "I know I will die alone, you're never going to take care of me, why should I take care of you"…he would say. Anything good was held out as something to use against us. Whether it was getting to go fishing, or going shopping, it all could be gone in one second. Growing up was nothing but a disappointment after another disappointment reinforced by me being a disappointment for my father. I could not read, or write. I had behavioral issues. I was the embarrassment. When I was diagnosed with Dyslexia…To dad, my "Stupid" now just had a name, that he rejected. Told me I can use my mind to beat it. He started pumping me filled with Shaklee Lecithin horse pills, B12 and castor oil. I heaved every time I took the stuff. When my grades did not improve, that regimen did not last. I think the cost of all the stuff played a part, too.
He was fine and if I did not get what he "thought" he was "trying to teach me" right away…he would snap. Every thing was mind over matter! Dad was all about "mind over matter." He thought he could WILL his pain away. That may be able to work for a while, but not when you're dealing with a mental health issue. You can WILL "Manic Depression" away with will power -"mind over matter" alone. If you did, I'm sorry to burst that bubble, but bipolar is not cured nor gone. Or maybe it was really never there in the first place.
(Something that might support Dad's idea of mind over matter see:¡Brain's Natural Pain Killers Increase When in Chronic Pain)
Part 1 | Part 2 |Part 3 |TO BE CONTINUED
Brutality: Cruel, harsh, and usually violent treatment of another person
Agony: Extreme physical or mental suffering
Cry Havoc! In English, the dogs of war is a phrase from Act 3, Scene 1, line 273 of William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar: "Cry 'Havoc!', and let slip the dogs of war".
Mental Health Humor by Chato Stewart
Chato's Wife: What is going on?
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I hate myself
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm really down
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm worthless
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I wish I was dead
Caption : Years of untreated depression can change a hairline.
¡ Nauert PhD, R. (2015). Brain's Natural Pain Killers Increase When in Chronic Pain. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 4, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/10/26/brains-natural-pain-killers-increase-when-in-chronic-pain/93993.html]]>
Trigger warning: Please note: Over the next posts, I will be talking about my father's cruel and harsh treatment of me. While I watered it down to make it a "PG." The subject matter may trigger strong, negative, parental feelings/emotions. This is not my intent, the fact is, it is possible. Please, do not read the post after the cartoon…If you like the cartoon, click on the cartoon and you can use this link without the post to share it: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/humor/files/2016/03/1617-Mental-Health-Humor-Mental-Bipolar-Msyter-illness-The-Family-Stew.jpg
Mental Health Humor by Chato Stewart
Chato's Wife: What is going on?
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I hate myself
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm really down
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm worthless
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I wish I was dead
Caption: Years of untreated depression can change a hairline.
Part 1 | Part 2 |Part 3 |TO BE CONTINUED
Is Brutality and Agony needed before someone gets help for a mental illness??? This is how Joan must of felt…looking back. Here in the Mental Health Humor cartoon, The Family Stew: I take on Bipolar Disorder, Depression, mood swings and how it had Joan Winifred's head spinning!
Before we can answer that first question, we need to get the whole mental health story, and see if there is a pattern we need to break. Let me say, I've rewritten this for months…stopping and deleting much of it and then writing it again…Why? Not because I had to change what I had to say. No, every time I would write it, the story is much the same way no matter the rewrite. It is that story that is so emotional. Even the watered down version. I still have been going into "THE PAST" and everyone knows when you dig up the the past: it's not always good, fun times. I learned a lot about myself doing research since I started writing these posts.
I was born in a Hospital in a little town outside of Boston in 1971. By the time I was five, Dad was dealing with †severe physical chronic pain with a spinal injury from working at the post office and extreme mood swings. As a youngster, my young life was already being filled with traumatic times then fun times. Some I only remember in small chunks. Much I don't want to remember. Yet for this post, I will have to tap into it again. In this telling of my story from a child's point of view with a bipolar dad, may open the conversation up or give me opportunity to write that pain down once and for all and leave it! I know it is working, since I have already deleted a ton of the horrific stuff…since I felt that I was coming off too selfish, harmful and manipulative as the Narcissist. (Enough about me, it's about me blaming my father.)
I did not understand dad's moods…things seemed okay when we lived with my grandparents on the second floor. One big happy family. The yelling and screaming just seemed normal after a while. I had 3 sisters and a baby brother on the way. I recall feeling safe at times. Dad and grandpa argued all the time. Grandpa had his own demons and drowned them with Vino. While I was down stairs, I could hear stuff breaking and my mother screaming "Stop it!" "Stop it!" Dad and grandpa were fist fighting in the house. Starting in living room. Mom grabbed me as they crashed into the hall where I was just standing. Punches flew wildly. My mother got the kids out of the house as the two "grown-ups" were fighting in the house…And just when things were quiet, I heard a grizzly growl. The back double-pane window exploded with the two men seemingly throwing each other blood punched. Now they are outside rolling in broken glass and wood. My dad and grandpa punching it out like it was title fight. The blood was everywhere, that did not stop them. The family was right there, that did not stop them. I don't know what would stop them, maybe until one of them killed the other. Me and my siblings were hurried into the house. I am not sure if other neighbors came to break it up or if the police came. This was the mid 70's.
That event seemed to end the good life. I watched my mother fall down the stairs and break her leg to save my baby brother (only weeks old). Instead of falling on him with all her weight, she instinctively (as I think all mothers would do to save their baby) twisted her body to land on her back. The only problem, I could see mom's foot was still inside the wooden step that gave out. Ouch!
Not long after…it was April, the local police came to the door. Our family, all seven of us, was forcibly evicted from my grandparents' house. We would spend a few months in a motel on Route 99. All seven of us in one room. By the time we moved into the projects that spring. My dad changed. The stress buried the father my sister knew. Now he was a short-tempered man willing to duck tape a child to chair and wash his mouth out with soap and leave… me there for hours to get his point across. A man who beat me with a belt over a missing cookie or if someone drank some milk and the milk level went under the permanent marker line on the gallon. From throwing glass dishing at you and more. His mood swings were now infamous in the projects.
Part 1 | Part 2 |Part 3 |TO BE CONTINUED
Brutality: Cruel, harsh, and usually violent treatment of another person
Agony: Extreme physical or mental suffering
Cry Havoc! In English, the dogs of war is a phrase from Act 3, Scene 1, line 273 of William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar: "Cry 'Havoc!', and let slip the dogs of war."
Mental Health Humor by Chato Stewart
Chato's Wife: What is going on?
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991: I hate myself
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm really down
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I'm worthless
Depressed Chato Stewart 1991:I wish I was dead
Caption: Years of untreated depression can change a hairline.
† Nauert PhD, R. (2015). Brain's Natural Pain Killers Increase When in Chronic Pain. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 4, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/10/26/brains-natural-pain-killers-increase-when-in-chronic-pain/93993.]]>
Bipolar and Fatherhood can be stressful & successful which was the key point…I wanted to make in my BP HOPE Magazine's new Vlog. VIDEO: Bipolar & Fatherhood Tips from a dad raising four children on the importance of talking about your mood swings and mental health. (http://www.bphope.com/bipolar-stories-video-blog/video-bipolar-fatherhood/)
In my welcome to the Bipolar and Fatherhood bphope Vlog: I highlight of course how I am Chato Stewart; Husband; Father of 4 children and focus on the most important key to success to being a bipolar dad.
Take a quick look at the video and leave a comment to tell what you think.
Bipolar and Fatherhood can be Stressful & successful – Children should be included in our MENTAL HEALTH conversation and in the Wellness Plan.
Chato Stewart
I only wanted to see you
Laughing in the purple rain
A little art therapy with drawing the Mental Health Humor Family Stew cartoon while remembering Prince Rogers Nelson. Prince died Thursday morning at his home. He was 57. You can watch the news for all the stories, but this is how I dealt with it today. Drawing it out and listening to some tunes.
Prince live at The Brits 2006
This week on April 13th, 2016 there is a New Movie on PBS about Bipolar Disorder titled "Ride the Tiger: A Guide Through the Bipolar Brain" will be showing at 10 p.m.
Do WE Need A Guide Through the Bipolar Brain? YES, and the "Ride the Tiger, one-hour documentary, just may be our start to our google map to Bipolar. The documentary that tells the story of highly accomplished individuals—congressmen, attorneys, pastors, authors, and stay-at-home moms, – all of whom have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder."
Among the people featured in the film, most notably now, is the Oscar and Emmy award winning actress Patty Duke (Anna Duke-Pearce)…diagnosed with bipolar disorder (See † PATTY DUKE STORY by Dr. Scott West). Also in the movie is Patrick Kennedy, former member of the U.S. House of Representatives.
A while back, I talked to the WGCU editor of Expressions Magazines–Dayna Harpster. WCGU is a Public Media PBS Magazine with over 25,000 subscribers here in southwest Florida. She said she would love to do something with me and my story along with my Mental Health Humor cartoons. Then some time went by… weeks, months, and well life happens. Out of the blue, I get a call. She finally found the project she wanted to work with me on. I was happy to catch up on the phone as she told me a little about "Ride the Tiger" and how she would be happy to drive the 45 mins to an hour to meet for an in-person interview. "Sure, why not." I had to Google "Ride the Tiger" and saw it was good size campaign. I meet with her and her photographer. I talked – and she took notes.
I've done many interviews. So, I hit the key points right away. But then, Dayna did something most reporters I have dealt with don't do– she just talked to me. No question after question to write her version of my story based of prefabricated and leading questions. No, she listened and encouraged me to keep talking at times, even though, I already gave my normal spiel. I found "my bipolar story" widening with more depth and raw flowing truths more than ever before…I was revealing my story, and it could not be faked! I was "riding the Tiger" through the hard times Bipolar bumped on me and my family. I was riding that tiger coming out the other end of the conversation…safely.
By the time our lunch was over, I "almost" felt like I went to a therapy session. Except–I just talked to a reporter who is now going to take all the mixed-up feelings and emotions and turn my many moods into an article for 25,000 readers or more.
And if it gives them hope or courage to tell their own story… Then, I will believe that article is a wonderful success… only one person needs to say something encouraging. (I'm setting the bar at a reachable level.)
Oh, Special Thanks to the Charlotte County Library System as members they were the only place that had the Expressions magazine locally. You must subscribe to WCGU and get Expressions as part of the membership (as I'm now told).
I have talked to the Editor and have gotten permission to share the April issue about me, Chato Stewart: "When Moods Made The Man" – "Ride The Tiger. " FREE PDF DOWNLOAD (Article share with verbal permission from Expressions Magazine.)
I want to Thank WCGU for giving me this platform to tell my story and for allowing me to be part of the "Ride the Tiger" movement in a small way… It was cool to see the Mental Health Humor cartoons as a centerfold in a magazine. In one article, I got 8 cartoons stuffed inside. That is AWESOME, since one of my goals for 2016: get "a" cartoon published in a magazine…NOW I HAVE EIGHT!
The CRASH from this or any manic period…has you at bottom fast. This is why research and understanding is needed to raise awareness about Bipolar Disorder with its extreme ups and downs. To help reduce stigma…to help identify the trigger, cause and effect. The Goal: improving the lives of us affected by Bipolar Disorder and other Mood Disorders. The one-hour documentary connects the power of OUR stories with an INNOVATIVE narrative:
"The film weaves together brave and compelling stories of people with mood disorders with a new narrative of scientists and scholars on the cusp of discovery. It explores questions and connections that are spurring four scientific disciplines of mental health research: genetics, the brain, treatment, and basic science." ‡ BP HOPE
‡BP HOPE (MARCH 29, 2016). New Movie – Ride the Tiger: A Guide Through the Bipolar Brain. Retrieved on April 11, 2016, from http://www.bphope.com/ride-the-tiger-a-guide-through-the-bipolar-brain/]]>
Today, the American Heart Association is kick's off the National Walking Day – month-long celebration – and many cities are participating.
"The annual event was introduced by the American Heart Association about 10 years ago because people, it says, spend too much time sitting in front of screens at work and home."
The irony here is: you and I are both likely sitting while reading this post. Maybe you are among the many mobile readers and are on a tablet or mobile device. You could be walking. If so, good for you! I'm sitting on my butt writing this post feeling guilty.
I think I will change that… I am going to go for a walk. NO not to the refrigerator! LOL
That just reminded me about one of my favorite cartoons with a refrigerator–my Mental Health Humor's Family Stew- Medieval Diet.
Kind of hard to walk when you're chained to a wall. Sometimes, I feel that is what I should do or need to stop my Binge Eating Disorder from Kicking in. I have it mostly in control these days. Nevertheless, there are a few nights when I could eat ALL Night LONG. I wonder if there IS a 24 hour Pizza shop? I wonder IF there should be???
So today I started my walk. I wish I could say I did 30 minutes. The heart was willing, but my knees were weak. Tomorrow, I will try again.
† American Heart Association: National Walking Day. Retrieved on April 6, 2016, from http://www.heart.org
National Walking Day 2016 © AHA Image Banner Graphic, Digital (JPG) – use for social media, websites
Today is
#WorldBipolarDay to bring world
awareness to bipolar disorder and to eliminate social stigma.
International Bipolar Foundation campaign year theme wanted peers to think about expressing, in a creative way by photo or video, how I am
#MoreThanADiagnosis . "More than their diagnosis, capable of living full, successful lives, despite and in spite of their diagnosis."
Help me tell
@intlbipolar and the world today; that I am #MoreThanADiagnosis Then share one too.
I am a:
#WorldBipolarDay is here! All day long we will be posting your photos and videos showing messages of hope and encouragement! Learn more at ibpf.org/wbdresources #MoreThanADiagnosis #WBD15959
Posted by International Bipolar Foundation on Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Having bipolar disorder doesn't define me or @chatobstewart #MoreThanADiagnosis #WorldBipolarDay ibpf.org/wbdresources
@chatobstewart and I are #MoreThanADiagnosis #WorldBipolarDay ibpf.org/wbdresources
I love someone who lives with #bipolar like @chatobstewart & they R #MoreThanADiagnosis #WorldBipolarDay ibpf.org/wbdresources
60 million ppl live with #bipolar like @chatobstewart Show them they are #MoreThanADiagnosis on #WorldBipolarDay ibpf.org/wbdresources
Having #bipolardisorder doesn't stop me or @chatobstewart from accomplishing my goals #MoreThanADiagnosis #WorldBipolarDay ibpf.org/wbdresources
@chatobstewart and I say People living with #bipolar are #MoreThanADiagnosis #WorldBipolarDay ibpf.org/wbdresources
Label Jars Not People #MoreThanADiagnosis #WorldBipolarDay Learn more at ibpf.org/wbdresources @chatobstewart
Support @chatobstewart & I living with #bipolardisorder by sharing #WorldBipolarDay #MoreThanADiagnosis ibpf.org/wbdresources
Twenty-five percent of men get it wrong. Maybe they are just too progressive, or maybe it is too beneath them. Maybe it's fear, or maybe they have a legitimate reason. Hey, it's just "old groom" tradition. Why bother asking the father's or parents' permission to marry? That is old nonsense!
At one time, I would have thought the same. I read recently on a bride website, The Knot, that more than three-quarters of guys or (77% 2015) asked for the father's or parents' permission to marry their daughter. In 1991, I proposed to Joan Winifred. (Not sure what that percentage was back then.) The Knot did have 2011 stats at 71%. So was it lower in 1991? Maybe…but in Joan's mind, there was no going forward in our relationship without Daddy's approval. I can respect that, while I did not understand it, coming from a family that was very dysfunctional. If asking for my future bride's hand meant having a sit down man to man, eye to eye with her Father… Then sure, I would do it for my love.
Joan's Father was not the easiest man to read…at 19 I knew I could win him over.
While there are no real studies showing whether asking for the father's or parents' permission will equal a happy and long marriage…One fact is that the more people you have in your corner to lean-on when times get tough–the more likely you will have the needed strength to make it through the storm.
Now here is a tip: I think I can share now. When you do find that special someone as a potential long-term-forever partner, you may want to make sure the in-laws:
Mental Health Humor by Chato Stewart
Chato Stewart @ 19: Well sir, I love your daughter, So there has been one question I would like to ask, here goes…
Joan's Father: Keep Digging.
Chato Stewart @ 19: Who's grave am I digging?
Caption: Asking for the bride's hand shouldn't include a shovel.
It is hard to always be positive all the time. I fight with it daily. Nevertheless, I have to keep reminding myself if I see everything negatively, I WILL feel the negative effects all day and my mood will be sully, irritable and gloomy.
On the other hand, IF I apply some positive thinking and focus on positive things, I will have a better day. I can o-p-e-n myself and my heart to feel joy… It is my choice. (I just have to remember to apply it.)
It may sound funny, but Joan and I had a common bond in a theory. Like our Peanut Butter and Jelly theory in July 5, 1990. Our first real connection…aka deep conversation (over essential values and beliefs of living) which let Joan see a glimpse of the true inner person..beyond the obnoxious-insulting humor/behavior (Bipolar Gives You Smooth Pick-up Lines).
I knew at that very night, I would marry her. It was not love at first sight. I knew Joan, I played basketball with her brother and hung, from time to time, in the same group of friends. She was just so out of my league: she was smart, gorgeous, and spiritual. When I did try to talk to her, it did not go so well for me…called her "a cow,"…another time, I told her she reminded me of "Joanie from Happy Days…I Loved Joanie, she was so pretty" then in the next breath, overly emphasized how she looked nothing like her and basically insulted Joan in front of friends. Clearly, I had no clue how to talk to her.
She went so far as to tell her brother to stop hanging out with me because I was a negative influence. WHO Does That?!
Then, one night at Chilis, a group of 20 friends went out to eat together. I was there with my friend's cousin. She was an artist and he/my friend and I thought it would be cool if we were related. But she was so vain, and self-diluted. Everything was about her. I could not get one word in… then, I turned around and who was behind me?… Joan…I started talking to her instead. Before long, I changed seats….to be closer to Joan. Finally, the DEEP "Real" connection/communication – and yes, PB&J was one of the cosmic ties to our instant connection.
When I drew this series of Mental Health Humor Cartoons for The Family Stew, it stirred up of a lot old memories. Some very Good, but with the good, it gave me a chance to examine some of the experiences which should have been markers/signs of a real (mental health) problem. (I omitted a lot so as not to over-sensationalize.)
Nevertheless, reminiscing about what brought Joan and I together and what has kept us together these past 26 (25 married/1 year dating) years…it has taken every type of Duct Tape, Glue & Epoxy mixed with Love and Compassion and Forgiveness! No marriage is perfect, and if you think you have one, you're naive. Marriage takes work. A marriage mixed with Bipolar Disorder (and/or any chronic health issue) takes an extraordinary effort by both partners. (A Bipolar Relationship – Is it survivable?)
But Joan and I almost never would of gotten together if it wasn't for PB&J!
Not long after this, the great Mt. Monadnock epic, see blog posts below for further context:
Mt. Monadnock: The Top of the World? | Mt. Monadnock: What Happened? | Mt. Monadnock: What did I learn? | Mt. Monadnock: Emotional Mountain
While Young– you can see love and cosmic meaning in anything. One Fact hanging over me: I needed closure on…Mount Monadnock! Almost a year after I got lost on Monadnock– Joan and I, together with a small group of friends, climbed to the summit…for my own victory climb. Together– Joan and I reached the summit and together we came down! I put Monadnock behind me until the past week when I wrote about my experience…so for the second time, I will put it behind me.
It was because of Monadnock that I suffered my first major crisis…
Yet, Mt. Monadnock led me to Joan.
What is the take away of this journey?
I was lost, I was crushed, I was forgotten – I wanted to give up! I should of given in…however, when we push forward: we may have scraps, cuts, bumps, and bruises…but we can push our way to the top of every emotional mountain…No matter how big or small the struggle. Having a partner or caregiver will prolong the success. Having a mate share your cosmic world on this journey is also a nice treat.]]>
In the above Family Stew cartoon, I'm drawing me at 19 using my smooth Pick-up lines on Joan (my future wife). Yes, Bipolar gives you smooth pick-up lines, don't you think? I should of had some not-so-cool pick up line. It did not work that night, but I was wearing her down.
Mental Health Humor by Chato Stewart
Chato Stewart: You Dance like A Cow!
Joan Winifred: Moove! GRrrrrr!
Caption: Bipolar Gives You "Smoooth" pick up lines.]]>
Mt. Monadnock Story: by now you may have seen the past 3 posts about my short ordeal of an overnight stay on the artic region of the mountain. What am I leaving out?
Even before the hike to the summit, I now can Identity this time of my life, as a wild roller coaster of highs and lows. Mostly high times, where I thought I was the life of the party. To keep my emotions in balance is why I resorted to cutting and burning/branding (NSSI) NON-suicidal self injury. I had already tried to take my own life ~ "attempted suicide" before I was 18. I've dealt with suicidal idealization and suicidal behavior in silence. I was not goth, I was totally the opposite.
Wanting to die, something I doubted my parents ever knew…or at the time, I would of doubted if my father would of cared since we had a very turbulent relationship when I was in my teens. My father beat me with the belt till I was old enough to stand up to him… Yet, the welts would go away. It was the emotional abuse that lasted the longest. I got out of his grip and stopped being a victim. I was finally over trying to please him.
Why Does Mania Take You To The Top of the World? | Mt. Monadnock Story: What Happened? | Mt. Monadnock Story: What did I learn? | Mt. Monadnock Story: Emotional Mountain
I had a mentor, at the time, someone I looked up to. I was friends with his sons that were around my age. The family took me in when my father basically tossed me out. He treated me as his own. I did everything with the family. I had so much respect and admiration for him. After a while, the first year, I could tell I was started to become a bit of a nuisance. I was given rules: don't show up at the house before 5 a.m. any more, I can't expect to be fed breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. (Okay, I was a OVER staying my welcome.) But the family put up with me. The father/my mentor gave me counsel when needed and sometimes, it was a bit hard to take. It was always for my betterment, and it always came from a loving place I felt.
When My father told me he loved me, it was after being smacked around or beat with a belt…and they were JUST WORDS…"I only hit you 'cause I love you!"
Yet, my Mentor lovingly helped me learn about many things, each week we had a 1 hour study for a year. He invited me into his family; even putting up with me patiently.
Until… I'll be back to my Mentor soon.
Back to Mt. Monadnock, No big deal, it was one night – well, it really was a big deal. I found the ranger when I started hitch-hiking home. The Ranger picked me up and drove me to the staging area that was being set-up to large scale search for me. It was already a zoo… Law-enforcement, EMT, Fish and Game ranges, a group of 20 men from my congregation took days off from work, including my Mentor. Also, many of the group of 12 were still there searching for me. Television crews from News 7 in Boston and from New Hampshire and reporters for a few newspapers. The parking lot was filled end to end…people were walking and running about…
I started to get numb…The ranger in the truck started talking to me…I could not make out what he was saying. I started to go into shock. No water or food, and out in the cold all night. The ranger took me to see the EMT. People were asking me question after question. I vaguely remember being interviewed by Channel 7. I don't remember what I said. I few people told me they taped it. But I never saw it. I know I downplayed the whole 22 1/2 hours.
No sooner were people getting used to the idea that I was okay, when some realized it was all for nothing. Calling into work, taking the day off and then driving from Boston to Monadnock. My friends and their father were happy I was okay, but then I started to get the "third degree."
Maj. Henry Mock–Chief of Law Enforcement of New Hampshire Fish and Game Department told newspaper reporters mockingly and I quote "he obviously didn't plan to spend the night."
The staging area was starting to get hostile… with questions. What happened? What did you do? Where were you? I was being pulled in every direction… I was so numb to what really was going on. Then I saw one face in the crowd that I was drawn to…it was my oldest sister.
I have not much memory of the particulars of the staging area. I remember a few faces–for the most part it is still a blur. I got a lot of my facts from newspaper articles and first hand reports from people that were there.
I don't know how I acted, or what I said, how long I was there…again, it's mostly blur. Flashes of memories like a puzzle. I still don't know how I got into the safety of my sister's car. Her husband was driving while she was talking to me and comforting me while I fell asleep in the back seat… then on her sofa.
Over the next few days, I skipped school and any social events looking for closure. To forget this mess and put it behind me… but it was only the beginning.
After Mount Monadnock, things would never be the same… It is true I could have died on the mountain and a surreal sense a large part left on Monadnock.
It was the frist time that something I did affected too many people so deeply. I had people coming up to me telling me that they cried for hours. I was getting lecture after lecture…It was the first thing people brought up when talking to me, I was the butt of the joke over and over…"what took so long, did you get lost again?" Every little bit picked away at me. Most stuff, I tried to laugh off… Make jokes. But it was hurting and ripping at me. The last straw was when I went to see my Mentor. He and his sons were at the staging area getting ready to search for me. His sons were in the original group. He asked me to sit and have a talk. I knew some stern counsel was coming, I wasn't looking forward to it. Yet if it had to come from someone, having it come from him…Someone that has been almost like a father figure to me. Well, I was happy to accept it.
What happened next crushed me!
Besides, the general questions of what happened. I got a lecture, I knew that was coming. Then almost as if he was irritated with me and my behavior and getting lost Mount Monadnock…My mentor, someone I've looked up to, trusted turned had the tables and started acting like my "real" father…
"What is wrong with YOU?" he asked, "WHAT ARE YOU STUPID?!"
Hearing this crushed me. He said a few more things but the damage was done… I'm now sitting and basically getting the same abuse I got from my real father all over again. My world collapses violently inward.
All the pressure I was putting on myself, the shame and guilt was taking its toll. I never got to say thank you to anyone that went to look for me…I could not even look them in the eyes. I was avoiding people, and even got a few requests to make my story into a screen play or made for TV movie. They wanted to go with the the story outline that my group I was with left me up on Monadnock injured. (It was a slow news week I guess. And I couldn't betray my group of friends like that…for money.) The TV just added to crap I was putting up with. Going back to school did not help. As you can guess, more than a few kids had a few things to say about my trip.
Not long after my Mentor crushed my world, I was at a party and experienced a complete meltdown.
I totally snapped into such a deep depression, I was almost catatonic. I couldn't move, talk, my emotions were flying out of control ~from extreme bouts of crying fits, to rage then curled up in the fetal position ~ Two friends drove me home. When I got home, I just collapsed on the floor. I was alone home hours, days…at this point, I was lost. Lost again, this time in a mountain of emotions. How do you climb down from that??]]>
In my last post, I left off with a cliffhanger. But to get you up to speed, I've been talking about something that I went thought when I was 18… after a major emotional meltdown after the "event horizon," I buried it deep inside… always joking or making fun of what happened to me. Granted it was my fault, but I do believe that I may have been dealing with mania long before it ever happened. Only here, this past month, have I embraced what happened and seem to want to write about it. I ask you to bear with me and not get too lost as I was.
Why Does Mania Take You To The Top of the World? | Mt. Monadnock Story: What Happened? | Mt. Monadnock Story: What did I learn? | Mt. Monadnock Story: Emotional Mountain
At 18 I went hiking with a group of friends to Mount Monadnock. I blazed my own trail from the top of the summit by jumping off into the forest only to get lost. I spent the next 8 hours lost till I decided I would rehike to the summit and find the trail.
I stopped moving On a big rock that had what I would call a dead drop on the other side… It was black and all i could see it the top of two Pine tree growing out of the dark cave. I knew if i feel down there I would be never come out… probably die in the fall or break a arm, leg or major head trauma. http://blogs.psychcentral.com/humor/2016/03/mt-monadnock-story/ | Post 1 "Why Does Mania Take You To The Top of the World?"
I reached over the edge carefully so I did not fall and started to break off branches. When I reached over my second time, I grabbed the tree and felt my foot starting to slip….
I SCREAMED! My HEART JUMPED with an instant boost of Adrenaline!
MY LIFE FLASHED before…m.y…e..y…e….s…!
It was not a cave in front of me… it was an optical illusion from the pitch-black- dark, it made the black dirt look like a cave. It was only a 4 inch drop!
I finished breaking off as many branches as I could in the dark. And covered myself up with the short, sharp, evergreen needles. Needles sticking me like a pin cushion.
YES, it was surely possible I could have died on the mountain. But I had already resolved to get myself off this stupid mountain. It was not going to beat me. Using my watch, I got up every hour hitting my feet against the rocks and doing jumping jacks to keep my blood circulating. I started to hallucinate for a while in the wee hours… Hearing Canadian Geese call my name, talking raccoons about covering me up to keep me warm; among a few other trip'y things.
At dawn and just before sunrise, there was enough light to get moving. I started running up the mountain. I needed to get back to the top to find that trail again.. I made it, and seen sunrise at 3000 feet elevation – felt like I was eye level. The air was thin. The view majestic.
I also found a trail and I was on me way. No food nor water for many hours, now I have to hike down a trail that is being marked with rocks. It was very rocky going up and down, left and right. At one point, I thought I saw a bear…turned out to be a family of chipmunks in a tree. But they were mad and territorial, barking at me as I walked by their nest.
Planes would fly over head, and I would hide. Adding to my narcissism was that I did not want anyone to get the "glory" of saying I FOUND THAT IDIOT! I got myself into this mess, I was going to get myself out. The hard part was over I thought. I am not lost, I just have to get off Mt. Monadnock.
The trail seemed to go on and on. At one point, I started thinking about food and what I wanted to eat… How just some eggs and a cup of coffee was priceless. Then it occurred to me, that I am not injured. That I have no real excuse for getting lost. I was still in a very rocky area with good drops. So I thought I should break my leg. At least then, I will get some sympathy and it will gloss over my stupidity…instead, I'll will be venerated. So intentionally, I fell down from steep rocks a few times. I gave up on that after the third or fourth attempt.
Did I have unreasonable expectations of getting myself off this mountain? I did not think so. Was it a sense of self-importance on my part? Maybe. I did not care about anyone when I was goofing around on the way up. I sure did think about what could of happened if I jumped off the ledge 22 hours later.
Now, I am seeing signs of life on the trail… "Trespasser will be shot!" "No trespassing, Keep out!" I took these as a good sign. I made it out to a road by a body of water and flagged down a car driving by. The woman was alone and only opened her window about an inch… I told her my plight–how I've been lost (before the cell phone age) she said there was a payphone a mile up the road… REALLY?! I just walked miles off a mountain and now she wanted me to walk a mile more… She drove off. I passed out on the side of the rode for a while…
When I came to…discouraged yet happy to be off Mt. Monadnock. I started walking up the road for a mile just where the woman said there was a payphone. I did not have any money. The road intersected at Route 101. So, I just put my thumb up and started walking south toward Massachusetts. If I had to, I would walk home.
When I got to Upper Jaffery Road and 101, a park ranger drove by northbound and we made eye contact. He did a double take. Then did a U-turn and on 101 south with me hitch-hiking…He asked me, "where are you going?" I said, "home."
He said, "I was on my way to go search for you, but now I found you."… I said "NO, I FOUND YOU…Remember, I found you!"
My ordeal was over or, at least, I thought. Surviving being lost was easy. Dealing with the aftermath would be another emotional mountain. One that would break me…
to be continued]]>
Yes, after I had my own Ill-advised idea to blaze my own trail on Mount Monadnock, I got lost. Looking back some 26 years ago now, I cannot help to ask (as I did in my last post) "Why Does Mania Take You To The Top of the World?" (†Side point: this post made Psych Central's Best of Our Blogs: March 22, 2016.) What Happened, WHY? And What did I learn?
Why Does Mania Take You To The Top of the World? | Mt. Monadnock Story: What Happened? | Mt. Monadnock Story: What did I learn? | Mt. Monadnock Story: Emotional Mountain
I spent 22 1/2 hours on Mt. Monadnock with the temperature dropping down to 26° overnight. Maj. Henry Mock–Chief of Law Enforcement of New Hampshire Fish and Game Department told the TV and newspaper reporters I was on the Dublin Trail which was not one of the most common trails on the way to the Monadnock Summit. Capt. Brian Howe said I was among.. the 118th people lost that year. There were seven in September and I was the sixth in October.
Capt Brian Howe told reporter that I got "disoriented and could not find my way back to the trail." and that I "apparently…slept on a rock and walked around to keep warm." That part is funny and almost right…
The newspaper got it wrong! I made it to the summit to Mt. Monadnock. It was not long after my group…turned the tables and played a joke on me–did I get lost… I jumped off the top of the summit into the woods!
Thanks to google maps I have mapped out the trail I went up and came out.. (See the image above), the blue dots are the trails I used (eventually). The white dots are more or less guessing where I might of gotten lost – the distance is 9.6 miles going up over 3000 ft. above sea level.
I was wearing a light winter coat or windbreaker, sneakers and dungaree jeans. No backpack, compass, water or anything, but a bag for my lunch and soda. I thought the hike was going to be a 30 minutes to hour walk up a paved road or walkway. I did not know, as I said in my other post, I was just a kid from the projects, hardly ever been out in the "real forest or mountains" alone.
In the projects I learned how-to survive. Those survival skills don't do much good when you're lost in the woods on the side of a mountain. My father taught me some basic survival tips growing up that did come in handy…Too bad he never showed me how to make fire…like a friction-based fire with a bow drill or something.
After jumping down the side, mid-slope, the rocks mixed with evergreen overgrowth… Heading into woods, I had to push through an area with bushes that had some type of thorns or needles or something sharp. It was sticking into my arms and legs. Stinging like I shook up a hornet nest… After a while, I was in what would best be described as Spruce forest.
Into that forest I went, 8 hours lost in that area of the forest only seeing the sky rarely breaking through the dense vegetation… Never did I find a trail.
Now, I could have been walking in circles and I wouldn't I know it. At one point I was following a small stream. I figured it was going down the mountain, and I wanted to go down. However, then it got real deep in a few spots and I slipped and my foot went in. It was getting dark, if fell in the water even to my waist, at any point I could be dealing with hypothermia.
Hypothermia is a medical emergency that occurs when your body loses heat faster than it can produce heat, causing a dangerously low body temperature…eventually lead to complete failure of your heart and respiratory system and to death" ~ ‡Mayo Clinic
I remember many of the white Birch trees were so old and dead, they just crumbled in my hands…looked like zombie trees.
At one point, I almost gave up, pushing through heavy woods, beech trees, birch trees and brush…Oh My! Lost, no clue where I was, it was getting dark and cold. I was on the side of a mountain and found a flat rock with what looked to be a deep cavern on the other side. I knew then if I took one more step, it could be my last…
I came to a resolution that I would have to hike back to the summit of Mt. Monadnock and find a trail. There was no way someone was going to find me, no one knew where I was, and getting off the mountain was simple… I got myself lost. I would get myself off Mt. Monadnock. I may have been a bit narcissistic at this point. Maybe it was the cold, or the fact, I was done with being lost. I started working my way up the the side of Mt. Monadnock…again. Back to the top…till it got too dark to move.
I stopped moving on a big rock that had what I would call a dead drop on the other side… It was black and all I could see at the top two Pine trees growing out of the dark cave. I knew if I fell down there, I would never be able to come out… and probably die in the fall or break an arm, leg or major head trauma.
I remembered from my father telling me that tree leaves can isolate you from the harsh weather elements. But at this point, I was on Mount Monadnock 2000+ feet elevation. The only thing around me was rocks and EVERGREEN TREES! PINE TREES…oh well, they would have to do…
I reached over the edge carefully so I did not fall and started to break off branches. When I reached over my second time, I grabbed the tree and felt my footing starting to slip…
to be continued
P.S. the red and blue "X" on the map is where, I believe, I may have been for a while before turning and heading back up the mountain. Now, I take a compass everywhere I go.
Photo: Google Maps https://firstname.lastname@example.com,-72.1258363,4772m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m2!3m1!1s0x89e17af103197eb1:0x18125adc132fe728
†Psych Best of Our Blogs: March 22, 2016 |
Uyemura, B. (2016). Best of Our Blogs: March 22, 2016. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 24, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/22/best-of-our-blogs-march-22-2016/
‡Hypothermia: Definition By Mayo Clinic Staff retrieved on March 24, 2016, from http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hypothermia/basics/definition/con-20020453]]>