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Grandparents & the Cycle of Abuse
My husband and I are having a tough time dealing with his father.
He is estranged from his side of the family for reasons we aren't sure of, and has a difficult relationship with his two sons (my husband is the eldest). He is emotionally & verbally abusive towards his wife. She has been a closet alcoholic at least since my husband was old enough to realize it, and he suspects it is because of this abuse. She always takes his side and helps to perpetuate his manipulative nonsense, which I'll get to later. He was physically & verbally abusive towards my husband from a young age (using a belt for punishment) and it wasn't until my husband was big enough to defend himself in high school that it stopped. My husband was a troublemaker in grade school, but has really turned out to be a wonderful guy, despite his upbringing. Since my husband and I got engaged in 2009, his father has made meager attempts to heal the relationship, which mainly consist of him buying us things.
My father-in-law takes travel assignments for work as much as possible. When we get together with them (which is usually just for holidays and special occasions), he speaks harshly to his wife and berates her in front of us. He has brought her to tears on several occasions. Awkward, to say the least.
Have I mentioned my husband and I have a beautiful little boy (15 months) and are expecting another baby in August?
In addition to being abusive towards his family, he says inappropriate things to me about my weight & appearance (even when I was pregnant!) I tried to make jokes and brush it off, but it really infuriates my husband.
A few times, my father-in-law has cornered my husband at a family gathering and gave him a big guilt trip about how we aren't close enough with them, claiming I don't "like" him and that we don't visit enough. They live 45 minutes away, my husband and I both work full-time, and they have made no effort to create an inviting environment for our son. They have no toys, no high chair, no baby gates and no baby proofing so whenever we do visit them, we have to haul along everything and then make sure he doesn't touch anything or crawl up the stairs when we're there. Talk about relaxing! They have been to our house twice in the 2 years we've lived there. There are no offers to babysit, and the times I have asked, there is always an excuse why they can't do it. My mother-in-law will not drive at night, so if her husband is traveling, she will not stay at our house for extended periods of time (and she refuses our offers to sleep over). She loves her grandson very much, and cries when we leave family get-togethers. As far as me not "liking" my father-in-law. Well, no, he is not my favorite person in the world, due to all of the reasons above. However, I am cordial to him. I am not going to be sickeningly nice to try and win him over. I just can't be fake like that.
This past Christmas, we were completely blown away by my father-in-law's rudeness. He has never thanked us for a gift – ever. However, we continue to buy for him at Christmas. This year he totally crossed the line. We purchased him a very nice & expensive GPS system (we knew he didn't have one, plus he travels a lot). He accepted the gift when we were there, and then over a week later, my mother-in-law called my husband to tell him that he didn't want take to the GPS and that we should return it. No real reason was given… he just didn't want it. We were very offended and decided not to replace it with another gift.
During the phone conversation about the GPS, my husband blew up at his mother and said some truthful, but unpleasant things. I am sure that word of this got back to her husband, because now he claims he wants to keep the GPS. Um….
My husband and I are in agreement that this behavior is not normal. My father-in-law is clearly trying to manipulate us in some way and I can't stand the thought of him playing these mind games with our children, or even having our children in their negative home environment when they're old enough to pick up on it. We are also unsure of how to handle Christmas in future years. His parents always overbuy for us and frankly, we just cannot afford to spend the same amount. We have student loans and a second baby on the way.
I'm not trying to magically fix my father-in-law, because I don't think he can change at this point. I'm just hopeful for some practical advice on navigating & saving our relationship with my husband's family. I do want them to see their grandchildren grow up. I just wish getting together with them wasn't so uncomfortable.
Thank you!
I'm sure by now long-time readers are sick to death of hearing me repeat my Guiding Grandparent Principle, but here it is again, with feeling: I believe we as parents need to be willing to make any and all reasonable accommodations to ensure that our children have a relationship with their grandparents. This means we need to get over ourselves, our past difficulties with our own parents, and any and all petty slights from MILs; and to accept that our parents and in-laws have different views on child care and upbringing and that most of the time, that's okay. This means we agree to not be the obstacle or stumbling block keeping children from forming a close bond with even the most imperfect grandma or grandpa, and to keep our mouths shut at home and those imperfections to ourselves when our children are young.
To channel Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, DEALBREAKERS. There are and frankly MUST be dealbreakers. Things that go beyond the whole "reasonable accommodation" bedrock. And frankly, my dear, your letter is chock full of them. Like, dealbreakers, falling from the sky all over the place. Abuse. Alcoholism. Manipulation. AND DID I MENTION THE ABUSE.
In-laws without baby gates or baby gear? Eh. Stressful and irritating, yes, but ultimately solvable. Buy some used toys/gear (Pack n' Play, fold-up booster, etc.) on Craigslist/yard sales and take that with you, then find a corner of the basement or attic to leave it so it's there next time. But oh my God, that would ABSOLUTELY not be my primary reason for not visiting these people.
The whole "rude response to a Christmas gift?" Eh. Not really a dealbreaker either, and not necessarily at all shocking or surprising, given everything else you've shared about him. Giving electronics to an older person who has never used that device before sometimes works out; sometimes it confuses and frustrates or just plain intimidates them. (My mom once freaked out over a gift of a microwave oven and demanded it be returned. This year my sister and I got her a Kindle Fire that went over just fine.)
But obviously, your father-in-law has deeper personality issues — probably a personality disorder of some kind — and seems to seize (and relish) and take the opportunity to make you guys and everybody else in his life feel like crap. You need to stop letting him, because right now he's yelling at his wife and your husband and making rude comments about your weight, but honey. HONEY CHILD, it's going to be your kids one day, and probably soon. That's just how these cycles go, when they aren't broken, and obviously this cycle is alive and well, given his treatment of your mother-in-law and you guys. No wonder the rest of the family has washed their hands of him "for reasons (you're) not sure of."
One day, your children will make too much noise, eat too much food, make too much of a mess, and they will get the brunt of this man's terrible temper. Their grandmother will obviously do nothing, so…what will you do? Will you say something to his face? Will you leave? Will THAT be the dealbreaker? Or will you guys continue to pursue a "relationship" with this abusive — ABUSIVE — asshole? I understand that you feel for your mother-in-law, but at this point putting yourselves (and your babies) in the line of fire because she's trapped in an abusive relationship and doesn't know how or want to extricate herself is NOT the right answer.
Stop going over there. Continue telling your mother-in-law that she is welcome to come visit when he is traveling, but he is no longer welcome in your home. And no, it's NOT because of the GPS, it has NOTHING to DO with the stupid GPS. But it has everything with how he treats her and that you simply will not have your children hearing emotional/verbal abuse and thinking that's okay because everybody keeps tiptoeing around this jerk and forgiving him over and over and trying to please him and make him happy and get him expensive gifts and lots of grandchild time because maybe that will help him change.
You admit he isn't going to change, yet a lot of what you're doing (visits! gifts! holidays! wishing for more visits/babysitting/acceptance!) suggests that someone — your husband, maybe? — still kind of hopes he will, provided you guys do everything "right." You guys cutting him out of your lives (and your children's lives) probably won't do it either, as he's lost family members before. Maybe your MIL getting the cajones and strength to walk out on him will help him change, or a diagnosis of a personality disorder followed by lots and lots of cognitive behavioral therapy will help him change. Or he's simply destined to reap what he's sown and live the rest of his life out alone and bitter and miserable.
But none of that is your fault. And none of that is your responsibility. You do not need to fix this man, or any of the battered relationships he's left in his wake. What you need to do is to protect your children from this mess.
I had a grandmother a lot like this. And while I cannot go into a ton of details about what she did to my mother (and then to my dad and all of us grandchildren, at various points), let me assure you that it would have been much, much better for me to have NOT had a relationship with her. Instead, we all spent decades making excuses, trying to please her and appease her, thinking that if we all just worked hard enough or were "good" enough she'd love us back, and be a "real" grandmother. She wasn't capable. I don't know what broke her along the way, in her early life, but she remained emotionally abusive and vicious until the day she died. I wish at some point, someone had simply said "ENOUGH" and walked away — and taken me with them, before I grew up so confused because I was taught to love and respect a woman who openly shunned and hurt me and everyone else I loved, just because she could.
I see a lot of my grandmother in your father-in-law, only possibly even worse, as he's still openly abusing his wife. Verbal abuse IS ABUSE. Like, for-real, honest-to-God abuse and it's no better than the physical abuse he inflicted on his children. And what you guys see is likely the tip of the iceberg — I shudder to think what might be happening behind closed doors and would encourage you to talk to the domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-SAFE. The fact that she won't stay overnight with you could be a red flag that he's also controlling where she can go and when, with "consequences" if she isn't home when he dictates. It's heartbreaking that she's crying when she leaves her family and her grandbaby, but sadly this is simply not a good enough reason for you guys to look the other way while she's berated and belittled and offer up your baby as a peacemaker/band-aid of sorts.
Make getting her safe your focus (rehab, maybe?), not on trying to win his favor or make visits less awkward and uncomfortable or worrying about where to spend next Christmas. (Solution: ANYWHERE BUT THERE.) Your husband should be the only person who has any contact with his father, if he isn't ready to cut ties or worries (perhaps validly) that he needs to stay involved for his mother's sake, but he MUST understand that your babies need to be kept out of this mess. No more.
(And oh my God, please don't ever ask them to babysit again.)
Photo source: The Silver Pen
30 Responses to "Grandparents & the Cycle of Abuse"
MR Jan 21 at 2:49 pm Reply
Amy is spot on. Why would you TRY to forge a relationship with him? Your letter seems to be about how to make this work, but it SHOULDN'T. I don't mean to be harsh, but I am flabbergasted that you have asked them to babysit and are upset they haven't! You should be grateful they haven't. Why would you want to put your child into the line of fire?
Draw the boundaries, cut him out of your life and that of your kids. The Christmas gifts thing is a non issue because you won't be seeing him any more and don't need to buy for him.
This really makes me wonder what your family life was like growing up. I really think aside from cutting your FIL out of your lives, you and your husband could use some family therapy. From your letter it doesn't seem like you or your husband have a good understanding of healthy family dynamics, and counseling could really help with that and understanding why you would be willing to even consider letting this man anywhere near your family. Good luck!
claire Jan 21 at 3:07 pm Reply
You're happy to have a closeted alcoholic babysit? We will not allow our son to stay at my in-laws overnight because they get drunk. Not tipsy but drunk. They babysit their other grandkids overnight and do this. Not ours. Alcohol and children does not mix.
As for the abuse. He hit his son. What happens if your son misbehaves and he takes a belt to him? Take your children the hell away from this man. I feel sorry for his wife but she is not your responsibility. Your children are. Try and get her help, let her know you're always here FOR HER. But if you never see that man again it will be too soon.
I have a 13month old and am due in august, and if I were in your situation nothing would make me spend time there.
Julie Jan 21 at 3:27 pm Reply
AMEN, Amy. Especially the last line!
Stacy Jan 21 at 3:29 pm Reply
I agree, the thought of these people babysitting is abhorrent. I would be dictating the terms of their visits and supervising the entire time. If they came over and behaved themselves, fine. But I'd reserve the right to say "gee it's been nice seeing you but time to go!" if FIL said or did anything inappropriate. I feel bad for your MIL but I'd put my kids and family first!
Danielle Jan 21 at 4:17 pm Reply
Glad I'm not the only one who is horrified she asked these people to babysit. Yikes.
Heather Jan 21 at 4:56 pm Reply
Yes to everything Amy said. In many ways you just described one of my kid's grandparents (fortunately, divorce means a simpler dynamic with the other grandparent on that side). My husband and I had many long talks even before my pregnancy about appropriate boundaries because this person doesn't have any. We had to have several come to Jesus talks about the relationship we wanted to have vs. the relationship the parent was capable of. It can be a hard truth to accept that this man will never be the dad his sons needed him to be, but as parents we get a second shot at the parent child relationship we ought to have. Best to all four of you.
Bonnie Jan 21 at 5:58 pm Reply
I have to wonder what would happen if her husband answered his dad's whine about "she doesn't LIKE me" with "Well of COURSE she doesn't, dad! You treat her and everyone else like crap and say horrible things." I mean… what's the consequence he's trying to avoid by not saying that? And is it possible that the consequence would be better than the current state of affairs?
Julia P. Jan 21 at 6:27 pm Reply
My mother had a very similar problem with her father when my brother and I were very young children. She tried to maintain a relationship with her parents for years, mostly because she loved her mother very much, but my grandfather is both an emotional and physical abuser. I cannot attest to the sobriety of either grandparent, but what I can tell you is very important. We stopped going to my grandparents house when I was around 4 and my brother was 9. Twenty years later, we both still have vivid memories of the abuse that we witnessed and were subjected to. DO NOT expose your children to this any longer.
IrishCream Jan 21 at 6:50 pm Reply
Yup, everything that Amy said. Your family's relationship with your FIL is broken. There's not a damn thing you can do to fix it. If by some miracle he decides on his own to seek professional help, make radical changes, and try to make amends, then you could begin to CONSIDER slowly reintroducing him into your lives. I believe it's a moot point, though, because it's so very unlikely. Cut your losses, protect your kids, move on.
Your MIL has a hard life. She is sad. Maybe she wants to be a better grandmother. None of this is your fault, and if you try to make it your responsibility, you will be enabling her addiction and her other issues, enmeshing your family in her unhealthiness. That's not to say there aren't ways you can help her, but I couldn't begin to say how–I can only echo other commenters who have suggested seeing a therapist. It will be hard to stay engaged with your hubby's mom in a healthy and positive way, so I'd enlist a professional.
Best of luck, and congratulations on your growing family!
Yes, I agree with all of this advice. I had a grandmother that we had to tip toe around. She was physically and verbally abusive and scared the crap out of me. I hated being baby sat by her. When she died I did not shed tears.
My mother was very abusive as a child and I told her that if she ever treated my baby the way she treated me, she would never see her grandchild. She was shocked and angry that I said that. It hit her like a bucket of cold water. BUT. She is a very different grandmother, then she was a parent. I think she needed to hear it. And she is sweet and loving towards my kid and has voiced regret towards her treatment of me and my brothers as a child. I never regretted telling her off. And if she didn't change, then you bet I would have meant my words about her not seeing her grand baby.
Lesley Jan 21 at 7:26 pm Reply
Oh, M. I cannot begin to imagine where you got the idea that you have to accommodate any of this behavior from either in-law. And, you have a gift in that your husband is WITH YOU one this. One less battle you have to wage when it comes to keeping your children safe. That is what this is really about; your children are not and will not be safe with these grandparents in their lives. Emotionally, no matter what the relationship and physically if you do not (please, please) heed Amy's last line here.
I know there must be guilt influencing you, and yes, you are warranted in feeling bad for your mother-in-law as well as for what will be the fallout when you cut them out of your life. But you have to. Have to.
I grew up with a parent who was constantly trying to save her siblings. Her alcoholic, sometimes violent siblings. Sometimes they lived with us, my uncles. Sure, they were nice to us kids. Sure, no one came in and killed us when they forgot to lock the door in their drunken stupors. Yes, it could have been worse. But also? It could have been a lot better. It could have been young kids who didn't have to see what we saw, even if we can understand it better now. But it wasn't. And there my mother found herself having to explain alcohol and liver disease and drug addiction to grade schoolers.
So, please, protect your family. Be WITH your husband on this. Tell the in-laws the conditions in which you will allow them around your children in the future and stick to that and only that. And let go of the fantasy that someone who's an addict or abusive will change if they haven't already. You have provided plenty of motivational bait, and they aren't biting.
Angie Jan 21 at 7:50 pm Reply
I was offered up as a band-aid/peacemaker baby. I got sent into my grandparents like a little lamb to the slaughter, that's how badly my mom wanted her having kids to heal them. I am typing this on my phone in the waiting room at my therapist's office. Enough. Your kids deserve better.
Autumn Jan 21 at 11:01 pm Reply
To quote Alton Brown on Iron Chef "just walk away"
If your husband wants to have a relationship with his parents, that's his issue. Not yours. If you were to read your letter, I bet you would understand why the rest of the family has nothing to do with their parents.
My MIL is a passive agressive piece of work. She is not allowed alone in our home or alone with our toddler because she has continually not been able to follow small instructions (when visiting, please stay on the lower level in the morning till we say it's okay to come up cause I am/was PUMPING!) And yes there is a bathroom down there so you don't need to use the "guest bath" Lots of little comments and just crap I don't need to deal with. They live about 3 hours away, but she's in our metro every other week due to her parents health, yet she never calls/visits us but sees all of her other kids, then when she sees our kid its the whole "i'm a stranger to you" crud. We traveled to see them for Christmas, she invited all of her friends to Christmas dinner. We left.
So I'm not cutting her out, but I'm protecting my daughter by not initiating contact. I've seen how my MIL treats her daughters, and I don't want that for my baby. Just cause I know what's going on doesn't mean that your kids can tell between right and wrong.
Oscar's mom Jan 22 at 12:45 am Reply
I am floored by the author's repeated requests to have her in-laws babysitting her kids–what a relief they never say yes! I'd literally be afraid for their physical safety!
I second the suggestion that she and her husband go to family therapy to help develop ideas and emotional acceptance of what a healthy family dynamic should be like. They seem to be on the same page together, which is critical. I hope they can move forward to a more positive, healthy place–likely without FIL in the picture.
Mandee Jan 22 at 4:19 pm Reply
YES! Thank you so much for your very honest and correct answer to this concern. I have seen these cycles and am so vigilant to keep my son away from them–it breaks my heart to think of any child being placed in such a terrible place by well-meaning parents. Protect your children first!
Suzy Q Jan 22 at 5:11 pm Reply
Dear M,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. What Amy and the other commenters have said may seem harsh, but it is a wake-up call you seem to need, together with whatever permission you might have unconsciously been seeking to cut this man out of your life.
If you take these brave and necessary steps, he may try buying you back again. You can just return to him any gifts with a polite note, or even without a polite note. It probably seems difficult to imagine now, but after you free yourselves of this man, it will be like a weight you didn't even know you were carrying has been lifted away.
I wish you all the best. Congrats on your child-to-be!
Kat Jan 22 at 5:49 pm Reply
Oh, honey. This is tough – but it is time for you to be the one to put your foot down. It sounds like your husband recognizes the unhealthy behavior, but perhaps hasn't gotten to the point where he is ready to say "enough is enough". You need to be that person, your children DESERVE to have you draw those boundaries (however difficult/painful/drama creating it may be). My MIL is unstable. My son is not allowed at her house, she will never babysit (or even be with my son without me standing right there). She lies and steals, says inappropriate things (luckily baby is too young to understand…but I would bet he already picks up on her tone – and would further bet that your baby picks up on the stress/tension your FIL creates). SO – you are not alone, but you do need to stand up for your children. That's part of being an adult and a mother. You are not only responsibly for your interaction with others, but for your childs. If your husband wants to pursue a relationship – that's on him. But until this guy changes his behavior, I have to say NO MORE CONTACT for baby. Full stop. Sucks for your MIL, but she is an adult and responsible for her own decisions. If she can't come to see you without him, perhaps that will be the thing that pushes her over the edge (either to get help herself or insist that he does).
Sara Jan 22 at 9:58 pm Reply
I had/have a really similar situation, and unlike some of the previous commenters, I understand about the requests for babysitting, and I also understand that they might not be understanding the full context of your requests. I grew up in a very loving home,but my husband's family is totally dysfunctional and even though I know what normal looks like, it can be very confusing dealing with his family. It's easy to make judgments reading someone else's story, but much harder to be so clear when you're in the midst of it. All this is to say, don't beat yourself up for not knowing what to do. Also, know that your FIL and MIL make their own choices ultimately, so it would be amazing if you could help your MIL, but if you can't, it's not your fault. The advice here is tough (and some comments were awfully harsh), but they seem wise, and I hope you can find a way to make it work for your little family.
Catherine Jan 23 at 12:48 am Reply
M, I second Sara's comment above, and understand why you may have asked them to babysit. It can be especially hard if you grew up in a relatively normal family to deal with something so dysfunctional – sometimes you think you can help fix it, or that they'll act normal if you just ask them to do normal things, or that they will straighten up if you just show them what they're missing out on. But, as others have said, you can't fix either of them.
Growing up, my grandparents on my mother's side sound very similar to your in-laws – emotionally abusive grandfather, co-dependent/closet alcoholic grandmother. My mother eventually stopped letting us go visit them by ourselves when my grandfather told us (when I was 8 and my brother was 4) that my father was a deadbeat. My brother doesn't remember a lot about time spent with them, but I do – and Amy is right, eventually he will start taking his abusive behavior out on them. So for their sake, and for your sake, don't put them in that position.
But I understand it can be easier said than done to just completely cut off all contact, especially with your MIL. I totally second getting a professional involved to help you navigate this. Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your sweet little ones.
Anne glamore Jan 23 at 12:50 am Reply
I think u are writing about my family 17 years ago. I grew up watching the verbal abuse but thought my parents would be different around my boys when they came along. So. Wrong. My mom was an enabler. Altho she wanted to babysit, he controlled her and having them around interfered with his plans so she'd cancel last minute, crying.. He is classic narcissistic personality disorder. The best things I did were 1: read The Wizard of Id and other (something). Hubby should also read. You will die at how much echoes your situation.
2: draw and stick to healthy boundaries to protect YOUR family. There may be drama, and you can deal. I Am HAPPY TO TALK TO U ABOUT THIS if you need. Have a beautiful family w 3 teenage boys who are unpoisoned by the selfishness and dysfunction of my family of origin. (therapy term!) So glad I made the hard choices I did. Xoxo
M Jan 24 at 10:02 am Reply
Author of the letter here. I want to thank each of you for your passionate, truthful & heartfelt advice. I wrote this letter to Amy because I really did need a wake-up call. I don't have many people to discuss this situation with and I'm so glad I've heard what all of you have to say. Deep down, I knew it. It's so frustrating because I knew all of this, and probably didn't want to admit it because it's going to be extremely difficult to deal with. I am so glad my husband agrees with me, but he is also enabling his father and trying to win back his favor. I had the most wonderful upbringing and my family are my best friends. I think that is why this is so baffling to me… to see adults behaving like this. It's like nothing I've ever dealt with before.
You are all right, hoping they would babysit is seriously INSANE. I was asking them to babysit in the hopes that normal grandparents would show up. But that won't ever happen. And now I know better.
I'm not sure what the next step is, but I'm going to save & re-read these comments until I figure it out. Thank you all, so much.
Kim Jan 24 at 1:15 pm Reply
Sara, I want to thank you for your kindness. I was getting uncomfortable reading the comments – OMG ARE YOU CRAZY is almost never helpful.
M, best of luck. It is baffling when your family is healthy, your husband is healthy, and then his family is so screwed up, I found myself trying to protect him the whole time we were there, and I'm grateful that his mother died before she met my girls. I wonder how your husband acts around them? Because mine had no idea how his behavior changed until I pointed it out to him. Good luck!
Jessica Jan 26 at 4:38 am Reply
I wonder if they didn't refuse to babysit knowing that they are not fit to do so? I mean…obviously they want to be part of the grandchildren's lives and babysitting is the obvious way to do so. But if you're asking and they're not responding, I'd bet deep down they know it's not OK.
The FIL I'm sure knows that abuse is not OK, and the MIL knows that she needs to not be in that situation but obviously they can't break that cycle for themselves.
Maybe it would be helpful to find some people for them to talk to (hello dad, get your ass to therapy!) and introduce it via your husband? Then see where he is in a year? Until then, yeah, no contact for you, your husband, and your children's sake.
Best of luck!
Felicity Marie Jan 27 at 2:08 am Reply
Baby sitting and sleepovers with these grandparents are not safe. Period. You would not hire a baby sitter with a history of hitting children, so don't leave your children with family who do the same.
Momtobe Feb 01 at 9:59 pm Reply
M, I think therapy might be helpful for you and your husband. Nothing you suggest to your toxic inlaws will change anything. What you need to do is change how you are looking at/dealing with the situation.
My inlaws are toxic as well and I wish they would go away, but we will never, ever be free of them. My brother in law is special needs and he is our "inheritance" (yes, actual term that my FIL has used since my husband was a kid) so we need to stay involved for his sake. Of course there is nothing in place for his future and my inlaws spend their money freely. I hate them and have a hard time letting it go. They way they operate as a "family" blows my mind. Like you, i am blessed with a great family…
Anyway, it's amazing that both you and your husband are on the same page and to reiterate, I really believe counseling may be helpful – to help you both make peace with the past, present and future.
Very best wishes to you and your family!
Elizabeth Feb 05 at 1:59 pm Reply
Please don't take to heart all the comments suggesting you are insane because of the babysitting issue. In my opinion, those people are being sickeningly judgmental and NOT AT ALL helpful. (In advance to Amy and M, please excuse my emotional reaction and heavy caps-lock-reliance.)
I do have one issue with Amy's response, and I don't think anyone else has brought it up, so I feel strongly that I should bring it up myself. This line: "Maybe your MIL getting the cajones and strength to walk out on him will help him change…."
Amy, here I address you directly (and I do understand how ugly I sound; I'm a nice person, really!): how dare you, HOW DARE YOU suggest that the issue of this woman's MIL not leaving her husband is a result of her lack of strength or "cajones". You have a huge responsibility through this column of providing fair-minded advice for a wide range of issues. You have, I'm guessing, hundreds of thousands of readers.. Abused women are NOT WEAK. They do not not leave their husbands because they lack CAJONES. This woman very likely grew up in an abusive household (I know you know this already… just stating the obvious here) and likely thinks she "deserves" this treatment from her husband. For lack of a better term, she's been brainwashed. She sees NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE BUT TO STAY WITH HIM. As insane as that sounds to us outsiders, that is HER reality. I implore you, Amy: PLEASE do NOT ever, ever, EVER label an abused woman as someone who lacks "cajones" ever again. Let us see/realize that she has had to draw on HUGE reserves of strength in order TO KEEP SURVIVING IN HER DAY TO DAY HELL. This woman has been through more crap than a lot of us put together. She is STRONG. Let me say that again: SHE IS STRONG. (sorry! caps lock! I know!!)
She is also very, very unfortunate. That is not to say that she can never help herself–just that this is NOT an issue of her being too weak to leave her husband. That is a horribly inaccurate suggestion. It makes me physically sick to my stomach (again, sorry for all the drama, but I feel strongly about this!) when I hear women who are in wonderfully healthy relationships make negative comments about the strength or intelligence of women in abusive relationships. I don't know how many times I've heard very fortunate women talk about how they would "never" get caught up in an abusive relationship, and those who do are somehow "weak". Please, please, please: let us all try try TRY to not judge each other so harshly. I do believe, one hundred percent, that anyone ANYONE ANYONE can get caught up in an abusive relationship REGARDLESS of how strong or intelligent they are.
M, you are NOT insane for asking them to babysit. You were confused and you were grasping for something, anything. I'm glad you see the situation more clearly now. Please don't fault yourself for not seeing things so clearly before. Please also understand that your MIL is strong and, of course you know this already, it is a damn shame that she was conditioned to think this reality is the only path her life can take. Of course there is still hope for her too. Thank you for writing about this very personal situation to Amy, and thank you to Amy for a (mostly! sorry!!) spot-on response. Thank you.
Lucy Feb 24 at 6:07 pm Reply
It is sad when a woman is trapped in an abusive relationship. But when her children are being abused and suffering as well, then I do have judgment. A mother's job is to protect her children. Period. It takes strength to leave an abusive relationship, particularly for the sake of the children. Amy wasn't wrong for saying that.
Dori Nov 22 at 10:02 am Reply
I am in tears right now because i am going through a similar situation with my dad and mom. The difference is that i actually have written my abusive alcoholic dad from my life. He has been a mean ass drunk my entire life and physically/emotionally abusive to my mom and us kids. I have two sibs. We are all in our 30s with children of our own and we all carry baggage and damaged goods in one way or another. In my situation, i am content without my dad in my life. I had anxiety about visiting my parents my whole adult life doing the tip toe dance trying to behave like we were normal and happy. Dad continued to verbally abuse mom and probably physically too but she of course probably didnt tell. So anyway to make a long story short, i do not allow my son around my dad. My mom is always welcome to my home, but all the fears i had as a kid will not repeat with my son. Hearing the response about not using the child as a peace offering really made sense. Reading all the comments affirms my decision which i really neede now as my mom has been pressuring me to ley my son over to see dad. Saying dad misses my son. Im sticking to my guns and sorry my mom is getting hurt but its her choice to stay with an abusive man.
betty Dec 07 at 9:22 am Reply
Leaving an abusive relationship for sake of kids often puts them in even greater danger as now kids are left alone with the abuser without any protection. Sometimes abusers have greater financial resources and end up with a greater share of the custody and do extreme damage to their children and their relationship with the protective parent.
And yes brainwashed is the best way to describe the state of mind of abused women.
Judging victims of domestic violence for not "simply leaving" when the situation is so far from simple just plays into the hands of the abusers.
That said toxic grandparents are also fully able to brainwash grandchildren to both tolerate as well as participate in abusing behavior. Always, always, always, times hundred, better to cut ties. My husband and I did not heed this advice and the resulting nightmare will affect my son for the rest of his life.
Lainerx Jan 25 at 2:01 pm Reply
This post was gold. I ran into this article just because Im dealing with a similar situation, but not because I have Inlaw's, but because I actually still live with my abusive grandma (and about to move out, at last).
I can add to what Amy said that, even if abusive grand parents apparently "have a change of heart" when their grandkids are born, and behave very lovingly and tender when their grandkids are still babies, I ASSURE YOU, this all FADES AWAY (and hear me out, oh please), I repeat, IT ALL FADES AWAY ONCE YOUR KIDS GROW UP A LITTLE. Once their grandkids 3grow beyond the toddler age, all the abusive behavior comes back.
Maybe the grandparents keep on being abusive to their own adult children but will be very loving of their baby grandkids, but onces these babies grow up and turn into little children all the abuse turns over them too.
I know this because I lived it myself, and many friends in the same situation as mine. In my country is very common for families to keep on living with grandparents until they're gone, so many people get to experience abusive grandparents.
And let me tell you, the abuse can go to extremes of physical/psicological/ emotional, to grades where they actually try to manipulate the grandkids against their own parents. That's what my grandparents tried to do when I was a kid, telling me my mom "was a bad person" and to fear her. Once I grew a little older and realized their abuse, they started being abusive with me as well.
All that said, parents should fend for their own kids safety. The MIL is a grown woman, and with the right support, should be able to go to therapy and leave this guy, but sadly, SHE IS NOT PRIORITY. The children are. And children should NEVER be involved into solving grown ups issues EVER.


text:
Whole Foods is doing that conscious capitalism thing again. The retailer announced that on April 5 it would launch a monthly fresh food market on the former campus of St. Elizabeths Hospital in an impoverished area of Washington, D.C.
Scott Allshouse, Mid-Atlantic regional president for the grocery chain, said the move was part of Whole Foods' standard practice of pursuing its "higher purpose." The grocer plans to donate 100 percent of the profits it makes from the pop-up market back to the community.
Whole Foods will sell products from a food pavilion built by the city. The chain is also going to lengths to keep prices down so that locals will be able to afford the foods it is selling.
"I think people will be pleasantly surprised," Mr. Allshouse told The Washington Post, "because they've been hearing we're expensive, we're expensive, but they're getting a can of beans for 89 cents, they're going to get vegetable broth for $1.99. ... They're going to be able to feed their family for under 10 bucks."
D.C. Mayor Vincent Gray, who is running for reelection, sees Whole Foods participation as a victory for the area's residents. While it's true the grocer will only be at the site one day a month, it is an improvement over the current schedule, which Mr. Gray told the Washington Business Journal, "is once-every-never."
Have you chosen to shop or not shop at a retailer because of its policies on issues such as labor relations, environment, political contributions, etc.?
It appears the Millennial generation cares quite a bit about social issues. So I think it can only enhance a retailer's reputation to be socially relevant. That doesn't mean the shoppers don't care about price, they do. But all things being equal, a good Karma retailer will get more support.
In full disclosure, I am pretty passionate about Conscious Capitalism. The notion that corporations exist solely to enhance shareholder value ignores the obvious - those corporations also have a responsibility to the communities within which they operate and their employees.
Whole Foods has always been really good to its employees. It's nice to see the company starting to give back to the community as well.
I understand this is a somewhat nascent movement, but it's coming, and I hope to see real change within my lifetime. And I answered an emphatic "Yes" to the poll question.
If you do something nice for the purpose of bettering your bottom line...is it still "conscious capitalism?" Or is it merely another clever investment with good PR value?
As Tim Cook told an investor the other day, "If you think all our decisions are based on the bottom line, go invest someplace else." I'd like to think, and do, that Whole Foods is doing good to do good. When you're blessed, you bless.
This is a nice move by WF, but I'm not convinced it's all that altruistic - this is Washington after all.
Reputation or perceived reputation is a big deal to consumers. You name certain brands and they have distinct reactions. In this case though, WF has a reputation for higher than average prices, so the shoppers visiting this market will probably take some extra convincing. If they like the experience and visit a real retail location, they make come away with a change of heart.
For that reason, I think social responsibility can be a slippery slope. Companies that build a brand around it attract certain consumers and model their business differently than brands that do occasional "acts of good" which can be perceived as disingenuous and ultimately hurt the bottom line.
Ken Lonyai, Digital Innovation Strategist, co-founder, ScreenPlay InterActive
Paula's comments above are perfectly aligned with my own. You can't be in business today just to make a buck. Sure, there's a responsibility to shareholders. But I believe there's a bigger responsibility to the employees (see Costco for a good example, and the banks for the worst example) and the community.
Whole Foods should be applauded. Whether or not this boosts their bottom line is irrelevant in this case.
This story is nothing less than astonishing.
The Congress Heights area where Whole Foods will pursue this project has no full-service grocery store. Whole Foods' customers should be so impressed that they are addressing the food desert issue here. Customers will be happy to pay a little higher price (much as Tom's shoes customers do) with the knowledge that they are contributing to the larger community. Kudos to Whole Foods.
We all have a conscience. When a company like Whole Foods displays their empathy for others in need, it creates good will. This appeals to our higher sense of wanting to help others.
This type of act of social responsibility is an excellent way to build good will and trust with your present and future client base. Jay Conrad Levinson and others have written on this excellent premise to build your brand in the marketplace. It works!
Tom Borg, Business Expert, Tom Borg Consulting, LLC
There is no doubt that the bifurcation of the US society is increasing and must be addressed. A successful democracy depends on a strong middle class. Corporate profits have been a huge bright spot. To see corporations making an investment toward a solution only makes sense and I believe it can help those corporations compete.
Supermarkets have traditionally been "tactical" advertisers, focusing on this week's specials. Manufacturing businesses have typically focused on "strategic" advertising, with broad themes such as "better living through chemistry," "Intel Inside," etc. Whole Foods will receive a lot of goodwill advertising while at the same time helping out the US society.
The various political sides will argue the right way to address the declining middle class but corporate activism is certainly one way to begin. Who knows, it might even be profitable for Whole Foods.
Bill Bittner, Principal, BWH Consulting
This is a step in the right direction, although a monthly market serves only to emphasize, and not really alleviate, the food desert situation. I'd be impressed if Whole Foods really made urban food deserts its "signature" issue.
As for how this might improve the chain's business, my feeling is that few shoppers will make a company's perceived ethics a primary factor in choosing where they shop; the halo effect of this market probably won't make customers drive further or pay more. It will influence some customers who feel they're choosing amongst competitors that are otherwise about equal, i.e., they want to feel good about themselves by shopping at stores they feel good about, but they don't want to pay more, or go out of their way to do so.
Mark Gardiner, Communications Strategist, revolutionaryoldidea.com
Healthy eating has so many benefits that the NIH needs to take note to see how this Karma plays out with respect to outcomes.
Whole Foods can score if this turns into an Upworthy video, and that in turn, may drive others to do the right thing. I just wish they would do more with local farmers. Nice move WF.
Vahe Katros, Consultant, Plan B
A small grouping of consumers puts ethical choices at the forefront of their decision-making. It's a really small portion of the market, judging by the success of food coops and fair trade businesses. How such ventures affect overall perception is another matter.
Regardless of that this is a pr move. There are two mainline grocery stores, a Giant supermarket and a Safeway supermarket within a mile or two of where Whole Foods will be doing this.
The city should expend more resources in supporting access to the existing options and improving them, rather than continuing to attract " more options" to an area that lacks the financial capacity to support them all (e.g., a Walmart will be opening within a couple miles of here too, by 2016). The heavily subsidized development where the Walmart is going is close to the preexisting places, one of which also received city subsidies.
Richard Layman, Consultant, Retail Empire LLC
I agree with what others have said. Such acts may or may not become more common, but publicizing them definitely will. But were they uncommon in the past? Hudson's - and by implication many other department stores - kept open their cavernous flagship for many money-losing years, thus offering shopping opportunities in what could properly be called a "soft goods desert," but seldom publicized their plight. Was this an act of corporate responsibility, wishful thinking...or just plain dumb?
Apparently I'm a cynic today. Whole Foods' announcement is definitely more to appeal to, and to gain goodwill from its regular affluent shoppers who may appreciate the firm's "social responsibility", than it is to make any real difference in the lives of "the needy". I'm not convinced of any bottom line value here. But as I already admitted--I'm a cynic. :)
Social responsibility will become more and more important as consumers look for differentiating reasons to shop at any given retailer.
Millennials, in particular, demand more ethical and socially conscious corporate behavior. As a measure of success they value "doing good in the world " right up there with corporate profits.
In our world of abundance, where so many of us have all the "stuff " we need, consumers are looking for compelling reasons why they should buy YOUR stuff. Having a greater purpose and deeper meaning is a powerful way to connect to that emotional need and stand apart from your competitors.
Besides, doing the right thing just feels good.
Perhaps one of the greatest case studies for conscious capitalism is Richard Branson's Virgin United. People who believe in Sir Richard's causes are also his companies' brand evangelists. There is typically a percentage of customers from a business that is socially conscious that will do business with the company for that very reason. These customers just love what the company stands for, therefore they support them.
Shep Hyken, Chief Amazement Officer, Shepard Presentations, LLC
Independent grocery retailers have done this for generations. It is nothing new. As they slip a bit more into history each year, it may seem like something new, but it is FAR from it. What WF may be capitalizing on is the void that has become evident by their absence from the market.
Are they doing it for their bottom line? Or, are they doing it as a part of "conscious capitalism"? Isn't that a distinction without a difference?
Even good ol' independent grocers knew that if they catered a seniors dinner at the local center, took care of a fund raiser at the local hospital, feed lunch to the local union hall for their picnic, or took care of the parish dinner at the local church on Sunday afternoon, it was to their benefit in the long run.
It is absolutely nothing new in the business sense, but it simply may be something "chain" retailers have discovered the benefits of as they continue to displace the independents that took care of their communities for generations. The difference was where they remain and those that are gone is that they were actually part of the communities and understood the needs and responded to them. They sought no press releases of faint that it was some new concept. It is far from NEW. It is simply good community business.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Path: Work Station Specialists: Mobile Laptop:
Sales Contact
Live Chat
Request Support
Online Support
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text:
29-1050 - Battery Tester
Use with most popular rechargeable and standard batteries Tests batteries under load conditions Easy-to-read meter indicates battery condition at a glance
50-9090 - Single Gang Wireport Cable Pass Through Wall Plate with Grommet - White
Wireport™ Grommet Pass–Through Wall Plates
Identical to other Midlite Wireport™ products, these single or double gang wall plates feature a grommet insert for added security and improved appearance. These are the perfect solution when multiple cables are to be fe...
28-11025 - SNAPTOGGLE (Type BB) Heavy-Duty 1/4"-20 Toggle Bolts - 10pk
Ideal for mounting flat-panel TVs
Strong-up to 2x the load of an old-fashioned wing toggle
Solid metal channel resists vibration & shock
Save time-at least 6 minutes per anchor v. wing toggles (can use a screw gun; anchor does not spin)
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21-8610 - ShuBee Shoe Covers - Black - 50 Per Box
ShuBees™ save hassles for homeowners and service technicians alike. Protect customer carpets and flooring while protecting shoes from dirt and contamination
MCM Electronics gave me terrific service and great prices. I will cheerfully shop with them again for my electronic needs.


text:
RE: Webserver, DMZ, ports questionsFrom: Wagner Martini (email@example.com)
Date: 07/20/01
- Previous message: email@example.com: "RE: Yet another IIS compromise"
- Maybe in reply to: Nina Levitin: "RE: Webserver, DMZ, ports questions"
- Messages sorted by: [ date ] [ thread ] [ subject ] [ author ] [ attachment ]
From: "Wagner Martini" <firstname.lastname@example.com> Subject: RE: Webserver, DMZ, ports questions Date: Fri, 20 Jul 2001 10:25:38 +0100 Message-ID: <email@example.com>
Internet --- Router(W/ Firewall) ---------------------- Firewall
------------ intranet(Your Network)
Outside -> TCP80 (WWW) DMZ1(80%)|
Outside -> TCP established | |
| |
DataBase(DMZ2 -> PORT(SQL?))
WWW(Outside -> 80)
Use Cisco System,
Firewall= PIX 515UR
Router= 1720 + IP/FW/IDS (deny: pings, netbios-session, telnet,
127.0.0.0 and 184.108.40.206)
Think this....
-----Original Message-----
From: Bartel, Matt [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.com]
Sent: terça-feira, 17 de Julho de 2001 20:12
To: email@example.com
Subject: Webserver, DMZ, ports questions
I have two questions that I feel rather dumb about asking:
If I am running a setup as follows:
Internet<->Firewall<->DMZ<->Firewall<->Internal Network
and I am running webservers in the DMZ that need to pull info out of
databases (that hold confidential information), where is the best place
to put the db's??? If I put them in the internal network, I would have
to make a rule to allow the webservers to access the db's through the FW
(which defeats the point of the FW)...if I do not allow the webservers
to go through the FW, then they cannot access the db's, unless I would
put them in the DMZ...What is the safest way to do this? What would
basic, sample rules look like that would be optimal in this type of a
setup be?
Also, one other really dumb question, while I'm on a roll:
I know that I should *only* allow port 80 into the DMZ, but do you allow
*ALL* ports to go out??? Doesn't the webserver use all different local
ports to talk out onto the Internet? If I wanted to do the following
(assuming there is no internal network): Internet<->Firewall<->Webserver
Can I allow *only* port 80 to run through the FW to the Internet (both
ways)? I am using IIS 5, and I am under the belief that IIS opens ports
(source ports???) on the local machine to talk out to the world...If I
only allowed 80 to go out, wouldn't that effectively block the webserver
from talking onto the net, since it picks high ports (like 5000, or
Thank you.
- Previous message: firstname.lastname@example.com: "RE: Yet another IIS compromise"
- Maybe in reply to: Nina Levitin: "RE: Webserver, DMZ, ports questions"
- Messages sorted by: [ date ] [ thread ] [ subject ] [ author ] [ attachment ]
Relevant Pages


text:
Author: Obama, Barack H
Date published: June 24, 2010
Language: English
Journal code: IWCP
June 24, 2010
The United States of America and the Russian Federation confirm our commitment to Afghanistan becoming a peaceful, stable, democratic, neutral and economically self-sufficient state, free of terrorism and narcotics, recognizing that further significant international support will be needed to achieve this goal.
We take note of the significant contribution to strengthening international stability which has resulted from the successful implementation of the arrangements between the U.S. and Russia and between Russia and NATO on ground and air transit. In accordance with these arrangements, over 320 flights have been carried out, and over 41,000 personnel and over 9,000 rail containers of valuable cargo have been transported in support of operations in Afghanistan. We are considering the possibility of expanding this cooperation by increasing the volume of ground transit.
We unwaveringly follow our common obligations in the fight against the narcotics threat coming from the territory of Afghanistan, which is undermining our shared and global security. The June 9-10 International Forum "Drug Production in Afghanistan" provided an opportunity to discuss cooperation to counter this threat. We reaffirm that the Counternarcotics Working Group of the U.S.-Russia Presidential Commission is an important tool, and express our commitment to expanding cooperation, with an emphasis on interdiction of channels for the delivery of narcotics and chemical precursors for their production (including by preventing their diversion, pursuant to UN Security Coucil Resolution 1817); activating information sharing; and reducing illicit financial flows linked to the regional drug trade. We will explore the possibility of establishing counternarcotics cooperation between the Collective Security Treaty Organization (CSTO) and International Security Assistance Force (ISAF). We support a comprehensive approach for resolving the issue of decreasing the volume of narcotics grown in Afghanistan, including by providing farmers with alternatives to poppy cultivation as a means of subsistence and providing continuous assistance to Afghan-Government-led counternarcotics efforts, including agriculture development, interdiction, demand reduction and eradication, as well as corresponding public information.
We confirm the need for law enforcement cooperation and express our readiness to assist the Afghan Government to strengthen the effectiveness of the work of counternarcotics law enforcement authorities, including by taking part in their training and equipping. We intend to develop various training programs for counternarcotics service officials of countries in the region under the auspices of the NATO-Russia Council, including use of the Russian Ministry of Interior's (MOI) All-Russia Institute for Raising Staff Qualifications in Domodedovo. Within the framework of the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE), we will jointly review the possibility of implementing in Central Asian countries a series of projects to train Afghan border officials.
We support the establishment of American-Russian cooperation in the interest of social-economic development of Afghanistan, in particular in the area of restoration and reconstruction of assets having key significance for the Afghan economy.
We reaffirm our support for the Afghan Government's plans under the program of national reconciliation and reintegration to offer an honorable place in Afghan society to those who have decided to renounce violence, participate in building a free and open society and respect the Afghan Constitution, cut ties with al-Qaeda and other terrorist groups, and are prepared to pursue their political goals peacefully.
We are committed to further enhancing the regime of sanctions provided for by UN Security Council Resolution 1267 and successor resolutions. Toward this goal, we will carefully review each candidate for delisting from the consolidated sanctions list on an individual basis. We also intend to add new names of specific individuals to the consolidated list on the basis of existing criteria.
We welcome the planned transition of responsibilities for maintaining security in Afghanistan to the Afghan National Security Forces. Achieving this goal requires raising the level of their operational capability to such an extent that they will be able to independently defend their country against internal and external threats. We affirm the need for international support to strengthen the potential of the Afghan National Security Forces. In this context, Russia and the United States are working on the possibility of assisting Afghan security forces by supplying Russian-made helicopters and spare parts.
NOTE: An original was not available for verification of the content of this joint statement.
Categories: Joint Statements : Russia, President Medvedev :: Afghanistan.
Names: Medvedev, Dmitry A.
Subjects: Afghanistan : Afghan military and security forces; Afghanistan : Counternarcotics and drug interdiction efforts; Afghanistan : Democracy efforts; Afghanistan : International assistance; Afghanistan : NATO, role; Afghanistan : Reconciliation efforts; Afghanistan : Reconstruction and infrastructure development; Afghanistan : Terrorism; Europe, Organization for Security and Co-operation in; North Atlantic Treaty Organization; Russia : Afghanistan, role in; Russia : Bilateral Presidential Commission, U.S.-Russia; Russia : Military equipment transit into Afghanistan, agreement with U.S.; Russia : NATO-Russia Council; Russia : President; Russia : Relations with U.S.; Terrorism : Al Qaida terrorist group; United Nations : Security Council.
DCPD Number: DCPD201000529.


text:
Refugees continue to flee the Thai/Burmese border every year. Camps have developed on the border of these countries, home to families of Burmese refugees fleeing their country and residing illegally in Thailand's forests areas. I worked alongside an NGO (Jungle Aid) who supports four of the smaller camps along this border with medical care, clothes, food, and getting children the support of education, if possible. This camp holds approximately 60 refugees, all living here for a better life.
Comment posted.
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IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN Published February 01, 2014


text:
To the Editor:
—I have just had reported to me by Dr. J. H. Swartz of 471 Commonwealth Avenue, this city, two further cases of damage by the Tricho System. I also have to report to you three other cases of my own:B. F., female, age not given; history of twenty-five treatments by the Tricho system on face and a similar number of treatments on forearms, four years ago. At the present time she shows atrophy and telangiectasis of both face and forearms.Miss B., age not given; history of Tricho treatments to her face, area shows atrophy, telangiectasis and ulceration at the present time.Mrs. A. E. C., aged 32, with a history of treatment five years ago by the Tricho System here in Boston. She had fifteen treatments on her chin for hypertrichosis. She was treated every two weeks, and three areas on the under side of
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text: I'm trying to figure out why it takes so long for my legs, specifically my thigh muscles to loosen up during a ride. Yesterday I was half way through a 23 mile ride before my legs felt comfortable. During the week, exercising on a stationary bicycle for an hour off the seat, the first half hour is tough but after that my legs loosen up. Is there a way to get loose quickly? This happens almost all the time I ride or exercise.


text:
May 1, 2016
Wednesday September 18, 2013
CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) -- Nationwide is ending its seven-year run as entitlement sponsor of NASCAR's second-tier series at the end of the 2014 season.
Nationwide plans to remain in NASCAR as an official sponsor under a new contract that runs through 2017. The insurer also plans to shift its attention to marketing programs in the Sprint Cup Series and become the presenting sponsor of the Betty Jane France Humanitarian Award.
NASCAR is searching for its third sponsor in series history. Anheuser-Busch sponsored the No. 2 series from 1982 through 2007, when Nationwide came aboard.
Nationwide recently sponsored Ricky Stenhouse Jr.'s car in Sprint Cup races at Bristol and Richmond. Stenhouse is a two-time Nationwide Series champion, and the insurer could increase its involvement in the Cup series in an expanded role with Stenhouse.
Copyright 2013 Associated Press
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text:
- Homepage >
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Buffalo Soldier honored after 66 years
November 10, 2010
By Nancy Gould, Hunter Army Airfield Public Affairs
Related Links
FORT STEWART, Ga. -- Friends and family members watched as 89-nine-year-old Cleveland Glover rose slowly to his feet to receive the World War II Prisoner of War Medal from Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Phillips, 3rd Infantry Division deputy commanding general-rear, at the Veterans Affairs Primary Care Clinic in Savannah, Nov. 3.
Glover grew up in Savannah before leaving to serve his country in 1942 with the segregated, black Soldiers of the 92nd Infantry Division in Italy. It was the only black unit to serve on the front line of combat and many, including then-Sgt. Glover, received wounds for their service. On Oct. 16, 1944, Glover and other Soldiers in the unit were captured by the Germans and sent to the prisoner-of-war camp, Stalag VII A in Moosburg, Germany, for five months. They faced interrogations, extreme cold, deplorable conditions and survived on daily rations of little more than "watery soup" before their release, May 8, 1945.
"These Soldiers lived and served during a time of great trials," said Phillips. "There was fear in the land but there was also a resolution to meet whatever perils lay before them."
Glover remembers those perils and the victories, such as the surrender of the small German town with white sheets streaming from the town's flag pole, church steeple and windows. Besides those war memories 66 years ago, Glover said the award ceremony takes him back a time following the war when the military promised to mail him the medals he earned during his service. But he never received them.
When Jerry Walker, his friend and the Military Order of the Purple Heart chapter commander, heard that Glover has never received those medals, he decided to help him get the recognition he deserved, including the Purple Heart. According to Walker, Glover truly deserves the Purple Heart after being injured in the neck by shrapnel during his first combat experience. He said, hopefully, that medal will be approved and sent to Glover in the near future.
Besides receiving the Prisoner of War Medal at his award ceremony, Glover also was given a Letter of Proclamation for his service from Chatham County Commissioner Chairman Pete Liakakis; a Congressional Letter of Honor from Representative John Barrow, as well as a Letter of Accommodation from Georgia Governor Sonny Purdue. Lastly, Dr. Harry Robinson, M.D., the VA Clinic director, presented Sgt. Glover with a framed American flag that had flown above the clinic.
"It's time he got this recognition," said Phillips. "He returned from the war to segregation and another fight for freedom, but he survived. He's part of our heritage. He built the legwork on which we stand today and on which our next generation will stand. He's truly an American hero and we honor him today."


text:
|Clicking "Refresh": A New Look at Fair Use in the Digital Age
Wednesday, October 7, 2009 6:30 PM
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This panel discussion will address the ways in which copyright law's fair use doctrine has evolved (or may be tested) in an era in which the rise of news aggregation, social networking, and a variety of other websites increasingly allow internet users to combine and transform content from endless sources of media. How transformative are on-line montages and mash-ups? Is the aggregation of headlines or content from news providers infringement or fair use? Does posting copyrighted content on a user's Facebook or Myspace page undermine the market for that content? When does a blogger's summary of an article appropriate enough content to constitute copyright infringement? Panelists will offer a broad range of perspectives on these an other issues from the bench, bar, media industry, and legal academy.
ANDREW DEUTSCH, DLA Piper LLP
HON. LEWIS A. KAPLAN, U.S. District Court Judge, Southern District of New York; LAURA MALONE, Associate General Counsel, Intellectual Property Governance, The Associated Press; WILLIAM W. FISHER, Hale and Dorr Professor of Intellectual Property Law, Harvard Law School; Director, The Berkman Center for Internet and Society; SUSAN KOHLMANN, Jenner & Block LLP


text: 21 August 2009 Southampton wins Babbage Grant Southampton University's School of Electronics and Computer Science (ECS) is the first Western European university to receive the Charles Babbage Grant from Synopsys. Alongside licenses for Synopsys' eda software, the grant has also enabled the University to set up a brand new laboratory for virtual learning. The Virtual Learning Environment focuses on ic design and involves a new range of courses on advanced SoC design. The grant has enabled ECS to install new computer hardware in the virtual learning laboratory to support up to 20 students. "The School is the largest of its kind in the UK with a long tradition of research in electronic engineering and computer science. This grant enables us to continue that tradition with the latest leading edge commercial tools," said Dr Matt Swabey, electronics teaching fellow at ECS. "We can now give our students real quantitative experience in modeling SoCs, enabling them to modify and try out designs to achieve defined goals. This ability will be enormously valuable to our students." John Chilton, pictured, Synopsys' senior vice president of marketing and strategic development, formally opened the lab. "Synopsys selected the University of Southampton because of its global reputation for leading edge research and its academic focus on engineering and computer science," he said. "This grant enables the University to further its reputation as a leading academic institution and to give its students access to the latest tools and equipment, supporting their educational experience and preparing them for future roles in industry, academia or government." Author Graham Pitcher Comment on this article Websites http://www.ecs.soton.ac.ukhttp://www.synopsys.com Companies Synopsys IncUniversity of Southampton This material is protected by MA Business copyright See Terms and Conditions. One-off usage is permitted but bulk copying is not. For multiple copies contact the sales team. Enjoy this story? People who read this article also read... Alternative back-up power With outdoor events like concerts, events and festivals now ... Read Article NIDays 2013 NIDays is a technical conference designed specifically for ... Read Article Southern Manufacturing This year, Southern Manufacturing and Electronics is set to be ... Read Article Remotely access up to 16 ... Lantronix is set to launch its latest evolution device/terminal ... Read Article What you think about this article: Add your comments Name Email Comments Your comments/feedback may be edited prior to publishing. Not all entries will be published. Please view our Terms and Conditions before leaving a comment.


text:
an act of defacation, a bowel movement
Remeber to take the dog outside so he can do number two.
от Light Joker 01 ноември 2006
The back up girl who always wants to see you, pronounced #2, who you call up when your main girl is fakin
Maria said she'd be here 30 minutes ago. Time to call number two.
от rideon88 05 декември 2006
Heard in Sean Paul's song "Like Glue"; meaning a homosexual man.
"Still I got to stick to my girls like glue; And I man not play number two."
от Irene 19 август 2004
max bevis is jacob number two
от wangdong 26 януари 2005


text:
this wiki
Kironide is a very rare source of psychokinetic powers for humanoids. (TOS: "Plato's Stepchildren")
In 2268, the starship USS Enterprise arrived at the planet known as Platonius, where the inhabitants had gained extraordinary psychokinetic powers, which they used to entertain themselves by sadistically torturing Alexander, a Platonian who did not have the powers. It was discovered that they had gained their powers due to the kironide that was present in the local vegetation, and that Alexander did not have the powers because he possessed a pituitary deficiency which prevented him from metabolizing the kironide.
In order to escape the control of the Platonians, Doctor McCoy injected Captain Kirk and Commander Spock with a high dose of kironide in order to reproduce the Platonians' powers. Their plan worked and they were soon able to overpower Parmen, the Platonian leader, and gain their and Alexander's freedom. (TOS: "Plato's Stepchildren")
Background information
According to the Star Fleet Medical Reference Manual, (pages 18, 35) kironide was an element, symbol Ki. It had the atomic weight 345 and atomic number 139. It was first discovered on Vulcan. When ingested, pituitary hormones brake down the kironide compound. While kironide compounds have been researched by Starfleet Medical, they have been found to have no real clinical use, as the hormones have a half-life of only 10 to 30 minutes in the blood stream.


text:
It's that time of year again.... time for the 3rd annual art contest!!
Since we are planning to release NEVERMINDS #3 at the New York Comicon (NYCC) on October 11-14, 2012, we thought this was the perfect time to make this announcement.
The rules stay the same, but the prizes changed slightly to include the new issue of Neverminds.
Here are the rules:
1. Create a piece of art featuring any Drumfish Productions character/s. (Sentinels and/or NeverMinds. See the galleries or www.facebook.com/pages/Drumfis… or sentinelsonline.com/ for reference.)
2. Use any medium you like. Pencils, inks, paints, etc. Let's see your talent. Go wild!
3. Deadline: October 2nd, 2012. Don't wait until the last minute thought! Time goes by quickly and before you know it the deadline will pass!
And here are the prizes:
1yr. subscription to deviantART
your choice of all 5 Sentinels Graphic Novels, Neverminds #1, 2 and 3
one of Drumfish's new figurines.
3 month subscription to deviantART
Neverminds #1, 2 and 3
Neverminds #1, 2 and 3.
On October 2nd, the Founder and Co-Founders will each score the entrees. Each piece will be scored on a scale of 1-5. 5 being the highest, and 1 being the lowest. The top 3 scores will win.
Feel free to ask any questions that you may have and we will answer them promptly.
So, pull out your sketch pad, wacom tablet, paint brushes, etc. and let's see some art!!
Contest is open to all contributors, members, watchers, and any deviant interested. Please feel free to pass along this journal to anyone who may be interested, or repost this in your own journal.
We look forward to seeing what you come up with!
Drumfish Productions Art Contest by DStPierreWatch
©2012-2016 DStPierre
Ooooh, I'm trembling! I love contests that pit artist against artist. This sounds super fun!
This sounds exciting. I think I'll try to come up with something. And I'll post this in my journal.