text:
Brought to you by Lion Bars! It's the UnSignpost!
September 22nd, 2011 • Issue 139 •Lion Bars, so many Lion Bars.
Lion Bar Week
All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"!Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won.
All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars.
Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue.
News from the Forums
You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter.
The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right.
The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die.
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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:21, September 22, 2011 (UTC)
Hold onto your wage packets! It's the UnSignpost!
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
September 29th, 2011 • Issue 140 •A Periodical for the Uncyclopedian of tomorrow, today!
Poo Underway
What's that you say? We can't possibly run a story on the Poo Lit Surprise for a third consecutive week? Well what on earth gave you that idea? No this story is about the other goings on on Uncyclopedia that certainly aren't the Poo Lit Surprise, which incidentally is happening at the moment. So for absolutely no real reason we called in to speak to Oliphaunte who we found crying his eyes out somewhere that most certainly wasn't the PLS. "It's just so unfair" he sobbed to our wholly unsympathetic reporters "I worked so hard and now on a technicality I have had two articles disqualified from the-" Unfortunately a huge Rhinocerous then appeared from nowhere and ate Oliphaunte before he could tell us what he had been disqualified from; much to the delight of our assembled reporters who could all now knock off work forty minutes early. However an interesting fact that we did dig up is that if Oliphaunte had been disqualified from the PLS, something which we can't confirm, it would make him the first Uncyclopedian to ever be disqualified from two separate PLS categories, for the same reason, in the same day. Ha ha ha, how embarrassing that would be.
It has also come to the attention of our editorial team that there is a worrying noob shortage on Uncyclopedia, how do they know this? They know this because on passing the PLS page on our way to... peace and quiets we happened to notice that there are currently no entrants for the best noob article category, something which any aspiring new users should take note of, since you need only churn out a piece of utter
This story has been all about the PLS, we totally fooled you.
Shame and VFH
The headline says it all. The shame that we all should feel for the state of things and the location of that shame. This is the news that VFH hit a new and highly interesting low this week. All five of you who visited the page may well have noticed the banner at the top (which is gone now, in a transparent attempt to stop me having something else to ramble about this week) declaring that while we aren't short on articles that the community thinks are worthy of a spot on the front page, we are short of a community to confirm this. Well no we aren't it's just they are all very very busy. Frosty for instance is exceptionally busy creating and maintaining forums like this, while Aimsplode is still desperately flogging the deceased equine that is this... thing. Clearly these people are not to be distracted by the social niceties of voting and the creative process.
Another, much more interesting revelation this week came when TheHappySpaceman declared his hatred of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which polls show has recently become more popular among Uncyclopedians than www.pornforsadlonelybastards.com. We didn't bother asking him for comment, partly because laziness is next to Godliness but also because he hates ponies so is unlikely to find a group of journalists asking him for quotes about the same any more enjoyable. So there you have it, TheHappySpaceman hates ponies and nobody is voting on VFH. Truly these are the darkest of days.
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sorry for the delay about the whole telling you the thing I promised to say. p.s. No ... you are not dying ... that is not what the whole thing is about. It's something else. --ShabiDOO 23:08, October 3, 2011 (UTC)
- I can forgive you. Not a big problem. The only problem I had was that I thought I`m the loneliest cat in the world... TRhat no one`d care about me. I`m actually thankful that someone remembered the ex-n00b of the month-person by saying I`m not dead.
- But now I`m curious. What is something else, my friend? What? OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:04 5 October 2011
A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost!
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?
It's all over!
Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced!
I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal.
But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever.
The bitch is back!
Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom!
But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives.
I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all.
We're going to lose our precious talk pages!
Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money!
Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page...
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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:14, October 7, 2011 (UTC)
Thank you for your help! I'll do my best to further improve the article :) Vzvartnots 17:00, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
- No problemo, human creature. It`s always nice to be anything else than help. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:21 10 October 2011
Re: The stupidest idea evar
Dude, if you want to make a Primus or Claypool article or whatever other nutty ideas you might have, go do it! I honestly would like to help, but here's the problem: I'm a TERRIBLE writer. I know you said "something stupid" and "It could be anything", but I would still have a hard time even getting started. I've tried a couple of times to write an article, and it always ended with me deleting what little work I had done. I would come up with just vague ideas, try to assemble it, and realize that I hadn't the slightest clue how to transfer these ideas into words and not only have it be coherent, but FUNNY too. Hell, just last week I was inspired by the recent events of one of my favorite bands to try and make an article on them. I was sitting around just thinking about how it would end up looking and feeling like I really had something going. But then when I sat down and tried to make an outline of it, I hated what I had come up with it and just gave up. The same thing happened before with other subjects, except I actually had some material in my user space and even held onto it for awhile before deleting it.
I've actually made some "articles", but just look at them. The former being a ripoff of a ripoff of a ripoff that's been done to death, while the latter perfectly exemplifies my love of simple minded and utterly stupid things. Are they any good? The first one sure as hell isnt't. The second one? Well, I'm an idiot who loves to amuse himself (being a recluse and all....), so hell yeah it's fucking hilarious to me. But to others? Maybe some freak out there thinks so, I don't know.
If you're serious about doing a Primus related article, I hope I haven't turned you off from doing so. I would really like to see one made! There used to be articles for both Primus and Claypool, but I think I ended up having them both deleted (because they both sucked (not in the Primus way, obviously) and because some asshole kept blanking them. I actually saved a section of the Claypool one though). If anything, I could help supervise or something, maybe provide some pictures, but in terms of writing the thing, I can't really help you there. Proofreading it, sure (even though my grammar sucks). Otherwise, the bulk of the work would have to go to you, unless you could get somebody else to help you out.
You know, it's pretty ridiculous that I just typed all of this out (and lingered on it for about an hour before posting it...). My writing sucks, but when I'm NOT trying to be funny (and failing miserably 99.9% of the time at it), I sure do like to ramble on. Sorry for wasting your time like this! I'm sure this wasn't a joy to read, but it's kind of something I had to get off my chest (or not, god what an ego AHAHAHA!!!). --Roman Dog Bird 06:31, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Whee, there was a lot of words there. If you can`t write then, I`ll hope you`d do all that proofreading and stuff-thing you suggested. I`d really wish to see those things. I really do.
- And I`ve seen those articles of Claypool and Primus. I watched them at mirror.uncyc, because I believe (and I`ve seen it many times,) that, by some mysterious way, if an article is deleted here, it somehows is moved to mirror.uncyc with no one touching it. And oh, that Claypool-writing of yours, I`m not sure of the text belowest, but the upper text is, I have to confess, is kinda funny. Claypool eating nachos... that`s a type of humour I may use. I laughed very mucho. So don`t scratch your head if I`ve used that somewhere on the possible article. But I wish, I truly wish, that if you have any kinds of ideas, please stuck them through my throat and watch while I`m suffering. I truly wish it. I suck at making pictures, winky wink.
- Just when you thought my strange comment is over, I still have a part to... say. It seems you`re an administarator or something similar. How it`s possible to be an admin-thing if not writing much stuff? I mean, is it possible that I can be an admin, altough I`ve done nothing yet? Okay, I`ve written few shitty articles and been here just... umm... few months, but you`ve been there... a lot of time, so you have more respect. This may sound stupid, but I`m just curious. Smack me if you want. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 12:30 18 October 2011
- Oh my god, your collective modesty is making the whole community retch and gag. Im gaging so hard i have to fight to breathe. Between the two of you there is excelent writing, ideas, help and solid administration. I award you both the trianual medal for uncyclopedian awsomeness if you could just stop the self deprecation. :) :) :) --ShabiDOO 16:39, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- hahahaha, sorry about that dude. And Cat, as for why I'm an admin, I was just super helpful back in the day and was frequently cleaning up lame articles and had at least some involvement with the community (voting and whatnot). That's how I remember it, maybe if there's any other old timers, they can back me up on this. Writing really shouldn't ever have to be a requirement to be an administrator (I guess, I'm probably like the only one who hasn't written shit afterall), but it would probably help seeing how this is supposed to be a comedy site. I don't know. --Roman Dog Bird 16:56, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Gasp...and now you are appologising...hahaha. I wasn't serious about the vomiting part. I just think theres a difference between saying "I try to write" or "Im not sure if my writing is any good" vs. "I suck" or "The worst idea ever". They can often be self fulfilling prophesies. Or maybe Im wrong and we should discredit ourselves all the time and aim for dissapointment. Im no longer sure. How can we know? Who can tell us? Who are we? Is anyone there? --ShabiDOO 18:21, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- hahahaha, sorry about that dude. And Cat, as for why I'm an admin, I was just super helpful back in the day and was frequently cleaning up lame articles and had at least some involvement with the community (voting and whatnot). That's how I remember it, maybe if there's any other old timers, they can back me up on this. Writing really shouldn't ever have to be a requirement to be an administrator (I guess, I'm probably like the only one who hasn't written shit afterall), but it would probably help seeing how this is supposed to be a comedy site. I don't know. --Roman Dog Bird 16:56, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh my god, your collective modesty is making the whole community retch and gag. Im gaging so hard i have to fight to breathe. Between the two of you there is excelent writing, ideas, help and solid administration. I award you both the trianual medal for uncyclopedian awsomeness if you could just stop the self deprecation. :) :) :) --ShabiDOO 16:39, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
You know...
You're awesome. Have I mentioned that lately? ~ 03:44, 23 October 2011
- Not really. But I appreciate this. Thank you. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 11:04 24 October 2011
Woof woof! It's the UnSignpost!
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the
Police UnSignpost!
Regular Servicing
Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care.
But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written.
The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS".
The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right.
The Return of the Tide
As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools.
Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year.
At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself.
The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet.
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The alternative to the alternative to the alternative
Thanks for the vote on College DJ!--13:58, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
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The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA
November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!
Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously.
How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either.
Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well.
The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue.
The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted.
The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day.
The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine.
The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head.
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:53, 3 November 2011
Hey damn cat, do you still want a Pee Review on this? Wasn't it featured? If it wasn't featured and you still want a review, leave me a message on my talk page, I'll review it then with pleasure. Mattsnow 06:10, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Sorry for the time it takes, I'm kinda busy, I'll do it soon... I hope! Mattsnow 01:23, November 7, 2011 (UTC)
- After a 2 month wait, here it is! Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ōkami I hope that helps and don't be shy about asking for any help! Mattsnow 18:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
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Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?
Hard-Hitting Journalism
There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes.
Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue.
Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it.
Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months.
On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it.
There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such).
Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is
We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'.
So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting
|UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:47, 10 November 2011
UnSignpost - 17 November 2011
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!
VFS and Turkey Balls
Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all.
So we will.
It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he.
The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too.
The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy".
Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off!
Nominate my PIGGY!
Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns".
The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier.
|UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:26, 17 November 2011
UnSignpost - 24 November 2011
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!
VFS and Turkey Ball
Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction.
Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed.
Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office.
The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed."
I'm back!
Did you all miss me?
Fuck it. I'm going again.
Festive Treats Ahoy!
Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two
Remember: PIES!!!
|UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:10, 24 November 2011
You Voted For Me For Noob Of The Month!
|Thanks for voting for me for Noob Of The Month
As a reward, I give you one of my pizzas!


text:
43 U.S. Code § 31f - National geologic map database
prev | next
(a) Establishment
(2) Function
The database shall serve as a national catalog and archive, distributed through links to Federal and State geologic map holdings, that includes—
(A) all maps developed with funding provided by the National Cooperative Geologic Mapping Program, including under the Federal, State, and education components;
(B) the databases developed in connection with investigations under subclauses (III), (IV), and (V) of section 31c (d)(1)(C)(ii) of this title; and
(b) Standardization
(1) In general
Geologic maps contributed to the national archives shall have format, symbols, and technical attributes that adhere to standards so that archival information can be accessed, exchanged, and compared efficiently and accurately, as required by Executive Order 12906 (59 Fed. Reg. 17,671 (1994)), which established the National Spatial Data Infrastructure.
(2) Development of standards
Entities that contribute geologic maps to the national archives shall develop the standards described in paragraph (1) in cooperation with the Federal Geographic Data Committee, which is charged with standards development and other data coordination activities as described in Office of Management and Budget revised Circular A–16.
Source(Pub. L. 102–285, § 7,May 18, 1992, 106 Stat. 171; Pub. L. 105–36, § 3(e),Aug. 5, 1997, 111 Stat. 1110; Pub. L. 106–148, § 7,Dec. 9, 1999, 113 Stat. 1723; Pub. L. 111–11, title XI, § 11001(g),Mar. 30, 2009, 123 Stat. 1415.)
References in Text
Executive Order 12906, referred to in subsec. (b)(1), is set out as a note under section 1457 of this title.
2009—Subsec. (a)(1). Pub. L. 111–11, § 11001(g)(1), substituted "geologic-map" for "geologic map".
Subsec. (a)(2)(A). Pub. L. 111–11, § 11001(g)(2), added subpar. (A) and struck out former subpar. (A) which read as follows: "all maps developed under the Federal component and the education component;".
1999—Pub. L. 106–148substituted "geologic map database" for "geologic-map data base" in section catchline, added subsec. (a), and struck out heading and text of former subsec. (a). Text read as follows: "The Survey shall establish a national geologic-map data base. Such data base shall be a national archive that includes all maps developed pursuant to sections 31a to 31h of this title, the data bases developed pursuant to the investigations under sections 31c (d)(2)(C), (D), (E), and (F) of this title, and other maps and data as the Survey deems appropriate."
1997—Subsec. (b). Pub. L. 105–36added subsec. (b) and struck out heading and text of former subsec. (b). Text read as follows: "Geologic maps contributed to the national archives should have standardized format, symbols, and technical attributes so that archival information can be assimilated, manipulated, accessed, exchanged, and compared efficiently and accurately."
LII has no control over and does not endorse any external Internet site that contains links to or references LII.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
My Immortal
this wiki
- ""Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).""
- —From the opening of My Immortal
My Immortal is a Harry Potter fanfiction written by a member of the website fanfiction.net using the alias "Tara Gilespie" sometime before 2010. This fanfiction has gained a certain notoriety amongst members of the Harry Potter fan community for being one of the worst of its type, though question remains whether the fanfic was created honestly or was the intentional work of a deliberate and informed troll. The story is known for numerous spelling mistakes, "leet" language, and a strange plot that involves torture, time travel, goth concerts, etc.
To date, the re-posted version of the story has received nearly 900 reviews at fanfiction.net and was said to have received over 10,000 before being originally removed.
The plot, or lack thereof, focuses on a seventh year member of Slytherin House named "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way," (though she does mispell(?) her name as "Enoby" frequently) a "Mary Sue" character who forces "Vlodemort" to kill Harry and then travels back in time to make him fall in love with her. Things continue in an odd pattern from there...[1]


text: This classic Gucci pochette is in PRISTINE condition (gentle use). It is made from black snakeskin embossed leather and accented with gold-tone hardware. There are faint marks on the hardware. The top edges show subtle wear. PLEASE NOTE: This handbag was an outlet item, marked by a circular G stamp on the interior label.


text:
September 11, 2006
Chad Simmons
UGASports.com will keep you up to date on all the current Bulldog commitments during the fall with the Following the Future feature. We will let you know the scores, how they performed individually, how they feel about their play, and much more every week. Find out the how future Dawgs performed this week right here. ...More... To continue reading this article you must be a member. Sign Up Now!
Already a member? Click here to sign in


text:
Continuing Legal Education Materials
Labor and Employment
Nuts and bolts of employment law course, 2014
by State Bar of Texas. State Bar of Texas. 2014.
1 volume. Updated by new course.
1 volume. Updated by new course.
View the table of contents [PDF]
Adobe Reader or similar PDF software is required to view the table of contents. Get the free Adobe Reader.


text:
Brian's Super Bowl Bash Winner!
As my old pappy use to say "listen to me son when I'm talking to you." Well, congratulations, Dad, you win Super Bowl Bash XI! I guess you're not fit for Sunny Acres Retirement Village, after all.
Thanks to everyone who participated with a pick. And good going if you had the Packers winning it all! Look forward to doing it again next year.
Previous Winners:
I: Big Mike – Baltimore
II: Brian - New England
III: Heath - Tampa Bay
IV: Nicole - New England
V: Nicole - New England
VI: Talitha - Pittsburgh
VII: Ed - Indianapolis
VIII: Ed - New York
IX: Talitha - Pittsburgh
X: Heath – New Orleans
XI: Gare Bear – Green Bay


text:
Environmental Illness
Topic Overview
What is an environmental illness?
An environmental illness can occur when you are exposed to toxins or substances in the environment that make you sick. These health hazards may be found where you live, work, or play.
Maybe you have headaches that only occur on weekends. Or maybe you began to feel sick and got a rash after moving into a newly built home. These symptoms can be caused by exposure to toxic chemicals. For example:
- Those weekend headaches may be caused by a broken furnace leaking carbon monoxide.
- Materials in new buildings may cause nausea and rashes. And the paper that makes up the outside layers of drywall promotes mold growth. Exposure to these molds may cause symptoms and could lead to asthma attacks.
What causes environmental illnesses?
Exposure to some types of chemicals can cause an environmental illness. The more of the chemical you are exposed to, the more likely you are to get ill. Examples include:
- Chemicals in cigarettes are known to cause lung cancer.
- Exposure to asbestos, an insulating material found in some older buildings, can cause tumors, lung cancer, and other diseases.
- Wood-burning stoves and poorly vented gas ranges can cause breathing problems.
- Unsafe drinking water from a rural well polluted with pesticides or other poisons from a nearby industrial plant could cause allergies, cancer, or other problems.
- Certain chemicals in the workplace may cause sterility, mainly in men.
- Lead poisoning can cause health problems in children. It can also cause high blood pressure, brain damage, and stomach and kidney problems in adults.
What are the symptoms?
Symptoms of an environmental illness may be like those you can get with other conditions, such as:
- Headache.
- Fever and chills.
- Nausea.
- A cough.
- Muscle aches.
- A rash.
But your symptoms will depend on the cause of the illness or disease.
If you think that exposure to toxic chemicals or other health hazards could be making you sick, talk to your doctor.
How are environmental illnesses diagnosed?
An environmental illness can be hard to diagnose. You and your doctor may not know what is causing your symptoms. Or you may mistake your symptoms for another problem. Exposure to toxic chemicals can cause a wide range of common medical problems or make them worse.
An exposure history, which is a set of questions about your home, workplace, habits, jobs, lifestyle, and hobbies, can help you find out what is making you sick. It may point to chemicals or other hazards that you've been exposed to recently or in the past.
Keep a journal of your symptoms, and discuss it with your doctor. It may help you find patterns in your symptoms. This can help you and your doctor find out what is causing your illness.
How are they treated?
Early treatment includes stopping or reducing your exposure to what is making you sick. These things might help:
- Improve your air quality by getting rid of the source of pollution. Don't allow smoking in your house. If smokers live in or visit your home, ask them to smoke outside.
- Increase the amount of fresh air coming into your home. Adjust gas stoves, or replace them with electric ones. Check to make sure that exhaust fans work. Installing carbon monoxide alarms in your home can also protect you and your family.
- Stop the health effects of mold exposure. Keep a dry environment indoors to reduce exposure to mold. Mold should be removed from buildings by trained professionals.
Further treatment will depend on your symptoms and what is causing your illness.
Health Tools
Health Tools help you make wise health decisions or take action to improve your health.
|Actionsets are designed to help people take an active role in managing a health condition.
|Allergies: Avoiding Indoor Triggers
Frequently Asked Questions
Learning about environmental illness:
Being diagnosed:
Getting treatment:
Toxic Chemicals in Our Environment
Indoor air pollution
Indoor air pollution can affect you at home, work, or even places you visit. It is a common source of respiratory diseases, including asthma, allergies, and lung cancer. It can be worse in winter, when windows are shut tight and less fresh air can circulate.
See tips for reducing indoor air pollution, such as not allowing anyone to smoke in your home.
Cigarette smoke
One of the most common and toxic indoor air pollutants is cigarette smoke. Experts believe about 90% of lung cancers are caused by cigarette smoke.1 Smoking, or even inhaling secondhand smoke, increases your risk of heart attack and stroke.
Tobacco smoke contains many chemicals, some of which are known to cause cancer. If you are a nonsmoker and household members or coworkers will not stop smoking around you, ask that they smoke only in well-ventilated or isolated areas. Never smoke around children or allow them to be exposed to cigarette smoke, especially if they have asthma or allergies.
Exposure to cigarette smoke causes wheezing, coughing, and extra mucus (phlegm) in many children. Secondhand smoke also can cause fluid to build up in the inner ear, which can cause ear infections. Lower respiratory infections, such as pneumonia and bronchitis, are also risks. Sometimes these types of infections become serious enough to require a hospital stay, especially when they develop in babies and young children.2
Babies who are exposed to secondhand smoke are at increased risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).3
Cigarette smoke may cause asthma in children.3 Also, children with asthma who are exposed to cigarette smoke have more attacks and more severe symptoms than other children with asthma.3
See information on the increased impact of environmental illnesses on children. For example, in recent years, the number of children with asthma has more than doubled, and environmental causes are suspected.
Woodstoves and gas ranges
Woodstoves that are not properly maintained and vented can give off tiny particles (particulates) and gases, including carbon monoxide, nitrogen, and hydrocarbons. Children in homes heated with woodstoves are at increased risk for respiratory problems. Gas ranges, particularly when they are not well-vented or when they are used as a source of heat, may produce nitrogen dioxide, which can cause respiratory problems. Consider changing to an electric stove.
If your gas stove has a persistent yellow flame, it may be improperly adjusted. Ask your gas company to adjust the burners so the flame tips are blue. If you're planning to buy a new gas range or stove, consider one that does not use a pilot light.
If you use a woodstove, make sure the stove doors fit tightly. Burn only aged or cured wood that is completely dry. Never burn pressure-treated wood because it is treated with chemicals.
Have chimneys, flues, and furnaces inspected each year.
For more information, see the topic Carbon Monoxide Poisoning.
Building materials
Exposure to building materials, products used for home improvement, and textiles can cause health problems. For example, particleboard, insulation, carpet adhesives, and other household products emit formaldehyde, which can cause nausea, respiratory problems, dry or inflamed skin, and eye irritation. Newly built homes and the confined spaces of mobile homes can be a particular problem. Using environmentally safe products—such as paint that contains a low level of or no volatile organic compounds (VOCs)—can reduce the chemical load on your body.
Sick building syndrome and building-related asthma
Experts coined the term "sick building syndrome" to describe acute symptoms that occur only during time spent in a particular building and that cannot be explained by any specific illness or cause. Symptoms include headache, dry cough, dry or itchy skin, dizziness, nausea, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, sensitivity to odors, and irritation of the eyes, nose, or throat. Typically the symptoms improve after you leave the building.
Poor ventilation that restricts fresh air flow inside can be a cause of sick building syndrome. Carpet, adhesives, upholstery, manufactured wood, pesticides, and cleaning fluids can give off volatile organic compounds (VOCs), including formaldehyde. High concentrations of VOCs can cause cancer. Unvented gas and kerosene space heaters, woodstoves, fireplaces, and gas stoves can produce carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide.
Outdoor sources of chemicals can also cause sick building syndrome. Pollutants from cars and trucks and exhaust from plumbing vents and building machinery can enter a building through vents.
Building-related asthma is the term used when symptoms of a diagnosed illness can be linked directly to airborne contaminants within a building. Symptoms include cough, chest tightness, and wheezing. Leaving the building may not immediately improve the symptoms.
Bacteria, molds, viruses, and other biological contaminants
Bacteria and molds can breed in stagnant water that builds up in humidifiers, drain pans, and ducts, or where water collects on carpet, ceiling tiles, and insulation. Humidifier fever is an illness caused by toxins from microorganisms that grow not only in large heating and cooling systems in buildings but also in home systems and humidifiers. Legionella pneumophila is an indoor bacterium that can cause Legionnaires' disease.
Some viruses can survive on household surfaces, such as counters or floors, or they can get spread through the air when an infected person sneezes or coughs. You can help control viruses by:
- Cleaning household surfaces with a disinfectant.
- Having adequate ventilation in your house.
- Having anyone with a viral infection, such as a cold or the flu, cough or sneeze into the bend of the elbow or into a tissue.
Pet dander , pollen, dust mites, molds, and rat and mouse urine are allergens that can cause asthma, allergic rhinitis, and other lung problems. Symptoms of illness caused by biological contaminants include sneezing, watery eyes, shortness of breath, lethargy, dizziness, and digestive problems.
Exposure early in life to indoor allergens such as molds may increase the risk of allergies or asthma.4 Allergies to molds can also make asthma attacks worse or cause other breathing problems.
Keep your home clean and as free from dust as possible to help reduce allergens. There are many ways to control dust and dust mites in your home, such as washing bedding in hot water to kill dust mites and eliminating furnishings, such as drapes, that collect dust. Also, there are many steps you can take to control animal dander and other pet allergens.
Exhaust fans that vent to the outdoors and are installed in kitchens and bathrooms can help get rid of moisture that allows microorganisms, including molds, to grow. When modern building materials get wet, they provide an ideal place for the growth of molds, which can make asthma attacks worse and may cause other respiratory symptoms. Ventilating attic and crawl spaces and keeping humidity levels below 50% can help prevent moisture buildup in building materials. There are other ways to control indoor molds, such as preventing leakage, removing wet materials, storing fireplace wood outside the home, and using a dehumidifier during humid weather.
Keep humidifiers clean and refill them daily with fresh water. Frequently clean evaporation trays in air conditioners, dehumidifiers, and refrigerators. Water-damaged carpets and building materials can also have molds and bacteria in them. It is difficult to get rid of bacteria or molds. So, if possible, replace or remove water-damaged items from your home.
You can also:
- Remove carpets and replace them with hardwood or tile floor.
- Have sofas with covers that can be removed and washed.
- Use blinds instead of drapes, because they collect less dust.
- Have air filters in some rooms, especially in the bedroom.
For more information, see:
Household products
Many of the products you use to clean your home or use for hobbies and home improvement projects contain potentially hazardous chemicals. Some can be toxic and in sufficient doses can cause eye and respiratory problems, headaches, dizziness, visual problems, and memory impairment. One of the most important ways you can protect yourself is by following the instructions on the label. When you use cleaning or other products, be sure to open windows or use an exhaust fan to provide good ventilation. Never mix household chemicals, such as chlorine bleach and ammonia. Some mixtures can create toxic fumes that can be fatal.
It's better to use environmentally safe products. Vinegar, lemon juice, boric acid, or baking soda can be used instead of store-bought household cleaners. And they are less damaging to you and to the environment.
Be especially careful with products containing methylene chloride, including paint strippers, adhesive removers, and aerosol spray paints. If you use products that contain this chemical, make sure you have adequate ventilation or use them outdoors, if possible. Also, wear gloves to avoid skin contact. But whenever you can, use environmentally safe products instead.
Avoid exposure to benzene, which can cause cancer. Benzene is found in tobacco smoke, stored fuels, paint supplies, and vehicle exhaust. Also, try to limit your exposure to newly dry-cleaned clothing or furnishings. Dry-cleaned goods may emit perchloroethylene (also known as tetrachloroethylene) and trichloroethylene. These chemicals may cause skin rashes, headaches, and dizziness5. If your clothes emit a strong odor when you pick them up from the cleaners, they may not have been dried properly and can release more of this chemical. After removing the protective plastic from the clothes, hang them outside, if possible. Consider finding a dry cleaner that uses less toxic chemicals.
Asbestos is an insulating material commonly used from the 1950s to 1970s for soundproofing and to cover floors and ceilings, water pipes, and heating ducts. When it becomes crumbly or frayed, asbestos fibers can be released into the air. Breathing asbestos fibers may cause lung cancer, asbestosis (scarring of the lung tissue), or mesothelioma.
Radon is a colorless, odorless radioactive gas that can enter your home through cracks in concrete walls and floors and through floor drains. The most common source of radon is uranium that normally exists in the soil or rock on which homes are built. Problems show up when the concentration of radon builds up in a home or building. Both old or new homes can have problems with radon even if they don't have a basement.
Exposure to radon gas is the second leading cause of lung cancer. (Tobacco smoke is the leading cause.) The risk of radon-associated lung cancer is much higher for smokers than nonsmokers.6
You cannot smell or see radon. But it's easy to test for it with a do-it-yourself kit available in hardware stores or through the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). For more information, see the topic Radon.
Treatment for indoor air pollution
How you react to indoor air pollutants depends on your age, health, and how sensitive you are to certain chemicals or biological pollutants, such as bacteria or molds. Treatment can be as simple as removing and limiting your exposure to toxic chemicals in your home. In some cases, serious illnesses—such as cancer, heart disease, and respiratory disease—can develop after long-term and repeated exposures. With such long-term exposures, treatment may be extensive, depending on the type of illness.
Outdoor air pollution
Polluted air comes from many sources, such as factories, cars, buses, trucks, and power plants. And there are other sources that you may not think of, such as dry cleaners, wildfires, and dust. Dirty air is a threat to your health. And it also damages crops, trees, water, and animals.
There are at least six major components of air pollution:
Ozone. Ozone is a gas
that exists at ground level as well as miles above the earth. It's made by a
chemical reaction between nitrogen oxides and
volatile organic compounds (VOCs) in the presence of
heat and sunlight. "Good" ozone occurs naturally about 10 to 30 miles above the
earth's surface. There, in the stratosphere, it forms a layer that protects the earth's surface from
the sun's harmful rays. At ground level, "bad" ozone (smog) exists. Exhaust
from vehicles, industrial emissions, gasoline vapors, and chemical solvents are
major sources of nitrogen oxides and VOCs. Add sunlight and hot weather to the
mix, and harmful concentrations of ozone may develop. Because of the heat
factor, ground-level ozone is a summertime air pollutant that can be dangerous,
especially for people with respiratory illnesses. Problems include:
- Irritation of the lungs that causes inflammation much like a sunburn.
- Coughing, wheezing, and pain when taking a deep breath, and breathing problems while exercising.
- Permanent lung damage from repeated exposure.
- Aggravated asthma, increased susceptibility to pneumonia and bronchitis, and reduced lung capacity.
Particulates include dust, dirt, soot, smoke, and liquid droplets found in the
air. They come from many sources, such as vehicles, factories, construction
sites, unpaved roads, and burning wood. Other particulates are formed when
gases from burning fuels react with water vapor and sunlight. This can result
from the combustion of fuels in motor vehicles and from industrial and power
plants. Particulates in the air you breathe can cause:
- Aggravated asthma.
- Chronic bronchitis.
- Coughing and difficult or painful breathing.
- Reduced lung function.
- Eye, nose, and throat irritation.
Carbon monoxide. In
cities with lots of traffic, most of the carbon monoxide put into the air
comes from vehicle exhaust. It also comes from manufacturing processes, wood
burning, and forest fires. Indoor sources include cigarettes and space heaters.
Carbon monoxide reduces the body's ability to deliver
oxygen to tissues and organs, such as the heart and brain. It is especially
dangerous for people who have heart problems. Carbon monoxide can be fatal to
those exposed to extremely high levels. Every year
carbon monoxide poisoning is a leading cause of
deaths from toxic chemicals. People with carbon monoxide poisoning may have:
- Headaches, irritability, or loss of consciousness.
- Difficulty working, learning, or doing complex tasks.
- Aggravation of heart problems, such as angina, heart failure, and coronary artery disease.
Nitrogen dioxide. When
mixed with other particles in the air, nitrogen dioxide can often be seen as a
reddish brown layer over many urban areas. Sources are fuels burned by
vehicles, electric utilities, and industrial plants. Nitrogen dioxide is one of
the nitrogen oxides, a group of highly reactive gases that contain various
amounts of nitrogen and oxygen. Nitrogen oxides cause many problems,
- Respiratory problems associated with ground-level ozone.
- Acid rain, which is made when nitrogen oxides and sulfur dioxide react with other substances in the air and form acids. The acids then fall to earth as rain, snow, dry particles, or fog.
- Toxic chemicals. Nitrogen oxides mix with common organic chemicals and even ozone to create toxic chemicals that can cause biological mutations.
- Visibility impairment. Nitrogen dioxide and nitrate particles block light transmission and reduce visibility in urban areas.
Sulfur dioxide. These
gases are formed when fuels containing sulfur are burned. Examples are when coal and
oil burn, when gasoline is extracted from oil, or when metals are
extracted from ore. Sulfur dioxide is
put into the air when fossil fuel is burned, such as by coal-fired power plants.
Other sources are industries that create products from metallic ore, coal, and
crude oil or those that burn coal or oil, such as petroleum refineries or metal
processing facilities. Sulfur dioxide causes:
- Health problems for people with asthma and heart conditions.
- Acid rain.
- Damage to forests and crops.
- Damage to fish in streams and lakes.
Lead. Leaded gasoline
used to be the main source of lead in the air. But because leaded fuels have
been phased out, the main sources of lead emissions are metals-processing
facilities, especially lead smelters. Lead may cause serious health problems,
- Damage to kidneys, liver, brain, nerves, and other organs. Lead may also cause osteoporosis and reproductive problems. Excessive exposure can cause seizures, intellectual disability, behavioral disorders, memory problems, and mood changes. Low levels of lead cause brain and nerve damage in young children and fetuses, which can lead to learning problems and low IQ.
- High blood pressure and increases in heart disease.
- Anemia.
For more information, see the topics Carbon Monoxide Poisoning and Lead Poisoning.
Exposure to pesticides may come from residual agricultural pesticides in foods; from household or workplace products used to control rodents, insects, and termites; and from disinfectants and fungicides. The most likely ways you are exposed are small quantities of pesticides in the foods you eat and by direct contact with surfaces (such as plants, soils, or structures) where pesticides have been used.
If not used properly, both workplace and household pesticides can be dangerous. Exposure to high levels of some pesticides can cause headaches, dizziness, muscle twitching, nausea, weakness, and tingling sensations. Some experts believe that some pesticides may cause cancer or damage to the liver and central nervous system.7, 8 Pesticide exposure during pregnancy has been associated with miscarriage, fetal death, and early childhood cancers such as acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). Indoor use of pesticides increases children's risk of brain tumors, ALL, and birth defects. Children can be poisoned by stored pesticides, so these should always be kept out of reach. For agricultural workers, exposure to pesticides has been linked with an increased risk of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.9
See tips for reducing pesticide exposure in your home, such as reducing your use of lawn and garden pesticides and limiting your exposure to moth repellents.
Mercury in fish
For most people, the level of mercury absorbed by eating fish and shellfish is not a health concern. But in a fetus or young child, this can damage the brain and nerves (nervous system). Because of the mercury found in fish, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) advise women who may become pregnant, pregnant women, nursing mothers, and young children to avoid eating fish high in mercury and to eat limited amounts of fish and shellfish that are lower in mercury.10 For more information, see the topic Avoiding Mercury in Fish.
Chemicals from plastics and other products
Some people are concerned about bisphenol A (BPA). This is a chemical found in some types of plastic (polycarbonate) bottles. A study has shown that people with high levels of BPA in their urine have a greater risk for heart disease.11 And a group of experts concluded that bisphenol A may have some effect on the behavior, brain, and prostate gland of a developing baby (fetus) or young child.12, 13 If you are concerned about BPA, don't use bottles marked with the number 7 or the letters "PC" near the recycle symbol. You can use glass or BPA-free plastic bottles instead.
In the past, a group of substances called polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs) were used in electrical equipment, plastics, and dyes. Although they are no longer made in the U.S., they remain in the environment. Exposure to PCBs has been linked to health problems, especially mental functions such as memory and attention in children.14 The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) provides information about PCBs at http://www.epa.gov/epawaste/hazard/tsd/pcbs/index.htm.
Chemicals called phthalates may cause problems with the reproductive organs of infants and young children, especially boys. Phthalates can be found in some plastic items (such as some medical devices) and in products such as powders, lotions, and shampoos.15, 16
Who to Call
If you believe you have an environmental illness, first consider your symptoms. If your symptoms are severe (for example, you are having trouble breathing), you have ingested household chemicals, or you fear you may have a carbon monoxide leak in your home, call your Poison Control Center immediately. Otherwise, contact:
- A family medicine doctor.
- A doctor who specializes in occupational medicine and environmental medicine.
- A doctor who specializes in internal medicine or pediatrics.
- A regional clinic that is part of the Association of Occupational and Environmental Clinics (AOEC).
You may find it helpful to create a written exposure history to take to your doctor, to help identify the cause of your illness.
Other Places To Get Help
|Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR)
|1825 Century Boulevard
|Atlanta, GA 30345
|Web Address:
The Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR), an agency of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, works to serve the public by using the best science, taking responsive public health actions, and providing trusted health information to prevent harmful exposures and disease related to toxic substances.
|Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: National Center for Environmental Health
|1600 Clifton Road
|Atlanta, GA 30333
|(770) 488-7100 for CDC Emergency
|Web Address:
|National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences
|111 T.W. Alexander Drive
|P.O. Box 12233
|Research Triangle Park, NC 27709
|(919) 541-3345
|(919) 541-4395
|Web Address:
The National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences (NIEHS) uses environmental health sciences to understand the causes of disease and to improve human health. NIEHS research focuses on complex human disease and calls for scientists to investigate a broad spectrum of disease factors including environmental agents, genetics, age, diet, and activity levels.
|National Library of Medicine: ToxTown
|8600 Rockville Pike
|Bethesda, MD 20894
|Web Address:
The ToxTown website gives you information about toxic chemicals and environmental health risks that you might encounter in everyday life. It provides facts on everyday places where toxic chemicals may be found, and it gives information about how the environment can affect health. ToxTown includes common environmental hazards in towns, cities, farms, and U.S.-Mexico border communities. The site is interactive and very user-friendly. You click on simple graphics to be directed to specific information that you are interested in learning about.
|National Pesticide Information Center
|Oregon State University
|333 Weniger Hall
|Corvallis, OR 97331-6502
|Web Address:
The National Pesticide Information Center (NPIC) is a cooperative effort between Oregon State University and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. The NPIC has fact sheets about pesticide safety issues relating to home and garden use, food, water, and pets. They also have detailed information about pesticide manufacturers, chemicals found in products, pesticide labels, and more.
|U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)
|Ariel Rios Building
|1200 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
|Washington, DC 20460
|(202) 272-0167
|Web Address:
The EPA's mission is to protect human health and safeguard the natural environment—air, water, and land—upon which life depends. It provides educational tools about environmental issues affecting health including pesticides, radon, water quality, mold, asbestos, and hazardous waste. The EPA website also provides contact information for hotlines and clearinghouses, and it contains a special section (www.epa.gov/epawaste/education/teens) with resources and games for teenagers.
Related Information
- Ettinger DS (2008). Lung cancer and other pulmonary neoplasms. In L Goldman, D Ausiello, eds., Cecil Medicine, 23rd ed., pp. 1456–1465. Philadelphia: Saunders Elsevier.
- U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (2011). Smoke-free homes. Available online: http://www.epa.gov/smokefree/index.html.
- U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (2010). Health effects of exposure to secondhand smoke. Available online: http://www.epa.gov/smokefree/healtheffects.html.
- Iossifova YY, et al. (2009). Mold exposure during infancy as a predictor of potential asthma development. Annals of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology, 102(2): 131–137.
- Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (2011). Toxic substances portal—Trichloroethylene (TCE): Public Health Statement for Trichloroethylene. Available online: http://www.atsdr.cdc.gov/phs/phs.asp?id=171&tid=30.
- U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (2012). A Citizen's Guide to Radon: The Guide to Protecting Yourself and Your Family From Radon. Available online:http://www.epa.gov/radon/pubs/citguide.html.
- Arcury TA, Quandt SA (2003). Pesticides at work and at home: Exposure of migrant farmworkers. Lancet, 362(9400): 2021.
- Baldi I, et al. (2011). Neurobehavioral effects of long-term exposure to pesticides: Results from the 4-year follow-up of the PHYTONER Study. Occupational and Environmental Medicine, 68(2): 108–115.
- Fritschi L, et al. (2005). Occupational exposure to pesticides and risk of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. American Journal of Epidemiology, 162(9): 849–857.
- U.S. Food and Drug Administration (2004). What you need to know about mercury in fish and shellfish: 2004 EPA and FDA advice for women who might become pregnant, women who are pregnant, nursing mothers, young children. Available online: http://water.epa.gov/scitech/swguidance/fishshellfish/outreach/advice_index.cfm.
- Melzer D, et al. (2010). Association of urinary bisphenol A concentration with heart disease: Evidence from NHANES 2003/06. Public Library of Science ONE, 5(1): e8673. Also available online: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2800195/?tool=pubmed.
- National Toxicology Program, Center for the Evaluation of Risks to Human Reproduction (2008). NPT-CERHR Monograph on the Potential Human Reproductive and Developmental Effects of Bisphenol A (NIH Publication No. 08-5994). Available online: http://cerhr.niehs.nih.gov/evals/bisphenol/bisphenol.pdf.
- Braun JM, et al. (2011). Impact of early-life bisphenol A exposure on behavior and executive function in children. Pediatrics, 128(5): 873–882.
- Chen A, et al. (2011). Developmental neurotoxicants in e-waste: An emerging health concern. Environmental Health Perspectives, 119(4): 431–438.
- National Toxicology Program, Center for the Evaluation of Risks to Human Reproduction (2006). NPT-CERHR Monograph on the Potential Human Reproductive and Developmental Effects of Di(2-Ethylhexyl) Phthalate (DEHP) (NIH Publication No. 06-4476). Available online: http://ntp.niehs.nih.gov/ntp/ohat/phthalates/dehp/DEHP-Monograph.pdf.
- Sathyanarayana S, et al. (2008). Baby care products: Possible sources of infant phthalate exposure. Pediatrics, 121(2): e260–e268.
Other Works Consulted
- Crinnion WJ (2006). Environmental medicine. In JE Pizzorno Jr, MT Murray, eds., Textbook of Natural Medicine, 3rd ed., pp. 339–353. Edinburgh: Churchill Livingstone.
- Hu H (2012). Heavy metal poisoning. In DL Longo et al., eds., Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine, 18th ed., CD chapter e49. New York: McGraw-Hill Medical.
- Ruder AM (2006). Potential health effects of occupational chlorinated solvent exposure. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1076: 207–227.
- Swan SH, et al. (2005). Decrease in anogenital distance among male infants with prenatal phthalate exposure. Environmental Health Perspectives, 113(8): 1056–1061.
- Veraldi A, et al. (2006). Immunotoxic effects of chemicals: A matrix for occupational and environmental epidemiological studies. American Journal of Industrial Medicine, 49(12): 1046–1055.
- Balmes JR, Speizer FE (2012). Occupational and environmental lung disease. In DL Longo et al., eds., Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine, 18th ed., vol. 2, pp. 2121–2129. New York: McGraw-Hill Medical.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2009). Fourth National Report on Human Exposure to Environmental Chemicals 2009: Executive Summary. Available online: http://www.cdc.gov/exposurereport.
- U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) (2013). Fourth National Report on Human Exposure to Environmental Chemicals, Updated Tables, March 2013. Available online: http://www.cdc.gov/exposurereport.
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office on Smoking and Health (2006). The health consequences of involuntary exposure to tobacco smoke: A report of the Surgeon General. Available online: http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/secondhandsmoke.
- Yu D (2008). Taking an Exposure History (ATSDR Course WB 1109). Atlanta: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry. Available online: http://www.atsdr.cdc.gov/csem/csem.asp?csem=17&po=0.
|Healthwise Staff
|Primary Medical Reviewer
|Sarah Marshall, MD - Family Medicine
|Specialist Medical Reviewer
|Peter Rabinowitz, MD, MPH - Occupational and Environmental Medicine
|Last Revised
|August 7, 2012
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text:
UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN River Falls
At River Falls, our mathematics instruction is dedicated to nurturing and developing students' creative mathematical talents as problem-solvers. The River Falls mathematics faculty has diverse backgrounds and research interests, including combinatorics, differential equations, number theory, functional analysis, mathematics education, numerical analysis, probability, and statistics.
Students who major in mathematics at UWRF follow many satisfying careers. The UWRF mathematics minor is a excellent choice for students majoring in sciences, social sciences, business and education.
The Mathematics Department is arranged so that many faculty have study spaces directly outside their offices providing an environment of easy accessibility to professors. The department supports a Math Study Room where students work and informally interact with one another, and a Math Help Center which is staffed with upper level students who can provide help and insights to students studying mathematics in their first two years.
UWRF Math Modeling Team Meritorious Winners of COMAP 2014 Contest
Team Members Joe Opseth, Heather Snyder, and Abby Mediger pictured above share their research results on Research, Scholarly & Creative Activity Day on campus. On February 6-10, the team participated in the 2014 Mathematical Contest in Modeling administered by COMAP (Consortium of Mathematics and Its Applications). They earned the designation: Meritorious Winner, placing them in the top 10% of all participants. The internet-based competition involved 6755 teams from eighteen countries. The UWRF team developed a mathematical model to solve the Problem B challenge, "College Coaching Legends," which asked competitors to develop metrics that would determine the best coach in a variety of college sports.
Islamic Art and Patterns: Extending Traditional Islamic Art Patterns Using Modular Arithmetic and Fibonacci Sequences
Amanda Marthaler presented her project on Islamic art at the Research, Scholarly, & Creative Activity Day on April 17, 2014. Her project observes and analyzes the patterns within modular arithmetic and modular generalized Fibonacci sequences, and how they relate to shapes found in Islamic art.
All students who have not taken college-level courses in math are required to take the Wisconsin Regional Placement Test before registering for a math class.
Math Department Test Dates:
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
5:00pm - 6:45pm
North Hall 205
Monday, May 2, 2016
4:00pm - 5:45pm
North Hall 18
To register for a Fall math class, be sure to sign up for one of these test dates.
Must sign up to assure the availability of a test.
Test information and a Practice Mathematics Placement Test
Regional Testing Options
To sign up for a Math Placement Test with the UWRF Math Department, contact:
Andrea Scharfbillig
207 North Hall
Fall 2016 Test Out
Date/Time TBA
Must sign up to assure the availability of a test.
Test-Outs available for:
Math 146: College Algebra
Math 147: College Algebra/Trigonometry
Math 156: Calculus for Business/Social Science
Math 166: Calculus I
Math 167: Calculus II
To sign up or for more information contact:
Andrea Scharfbillig
207 North Hall


text:
|ISSN 1088-6826(online) ISSN 0002-9939(print)
Wang counterexamples lead
Abstract | References | Similar Articles | Additional Information
Abstract: Two famous counterexamples in algebra and number theory are Wang's counterexample to Grunwald's Theorem and Amitsur's noncrossed product division algebra. In this paper we use Wang's counterexample to construct a noncrossed product division algebra.
In the 30's, Grunwald's Theorem was used in the proof of a major result of class field theory, that all division algebras over number fields are (cyclic) crossed products. It is ironic that now Grunwald-Wang's Theorem is the decisive factor in a noncrossed product construction.
Retrieve articles in Proceedings of the American Mathematical Society with MSC (1991): 16S35, 11R37
Retrieve articles in all journals with MSC (1991): 16S35, 11R37
Additional Information


text:
Carry this color and show your support for breast cancer research. Learn more about the Vera Bradley Foundation for Breast Cancer.
This style can be Personalized!
Learn more about Personalization
An adorable gift, this functional set was made for the bathing beauty. The plush terry towel is finished with sweet ruffles and colorful trim, and the bunny mitt is even cuter - with precious stand-up ears, an embroidered face and a soft bunny tail!
Towel: 30" W x 30" H Bath Mitt: 8 ½" W x 5 ½" H
Machine wash cold, gentle cycle; only non-chlorine bleach as needed; tumble dry medium; remove promptly


text:
BDAqua Jul 30, 2012 9:17 AM
in response to vriejoie
Could be many things, we should start with this...
"Try Disk Utility
1. Insert the Mac OS X Install disc, then restart the computer while holding the C key.
2. When your computer finishes starting up from the disc, choose Disk Utility from the Installer menu at the top of the screen. (In Mac OS X 10.4 or later, you must select your language first.)
Important: Do not click Continue in the first screen of the Installer. If you do, you must restart from the disc again to access Disk Utility.
3. Click the First Aid tab.
4. Select your Mac OS X volume.
5. Click Repair. Disk Utility checks and repairs the disk."
Report any errors found & if they were repaired.
Likely you'll have to re-install.
Klaus1 Jul 30, 2012 11:44 AM
in response to vriejoie
Some general advice on updating:
It is worth noting that it is an extreme rarity for updates to cause upsets to your system, as they have all been extensively beta-tested, but they may well reveal pre-existing ones, particularly those of which you may have been unaware. If you are actually aware of any glitches, make sure they are fixed before proceeding further.
So before you do anything else:
If you can, make a full backup first to an external hard disk. Ideally you should always have a bootable clone of your system that enables you to revert to the previous pre-update state.
Turn off sleep mode for both screen and hard disk.
Disconnect all peripherals except your keyboard and mouse.
1. Repair Permissions (in Disk Utility)
2. Verify the state of your hard disk using Disk Utility. If any faults are reported, restart from your install disk (holding down the C key), go to Disk Utility, and repair your startup disk. Restart again to get back to your startup disk.
At least you can now be reasonably certain that your system does not contain any obvious faults that might cause an update/upgrade to fail.
3. Download the correct version of the COMBO update from the Apple download site.
The Combo updater of Leopard 10.5.8 can be found here:
If you prefer to download updates via Software Update in the Apple menu (which would ensure that the correct version for your Mac was being downloaded), it is not recommended to allow SU to install major (or even minor) updates automatically. Set Software Update to just download the updater without immediately installing it. There is always the possibility that the combined download and install (which can be a lengthy process) might be interrupted by a power outage or your cat walking across the keyboard, and an interrupted install will almost certainly cause havoc. Once it is downloaded, you can install at a time that suits you. You should make a backup copy of the updater on a CD in case you ever need a reinstall.
Full details about the 10.5.8 update here: http://support.apple.com/kb/HT3606
More information on using Software Updater here:
Using the Combo updater ensures that all system files changed since the original 10.5.0 are included, and any that may have been missed out or subsequently damaged will be repaired. The Delta updater, although a temptingly smaller download, only takes you from the previous version to the new one, i.e. for example from 10.5.7 to 10.5.8. Software Update will generally download the Delta updater only. The preferable Combo updater needs to be downloaded from Apple's download site.
Now proceed as follows:
4. Close all applications and turn off energy saving and screensaver.
5. Unplug all peripherals except your keyboard and mouse.
6. Install the update/upgrade. Do not under any circumstances interrupt this procedure. Do not do anything else on your computer while it is installing. Be patient.
7. When it ask for a restart to complete the installation, click restart. This can take longer than normal, there are probably thousands of files to overwrite and place in the correct location. Do nothing while this is going on.
8. Once your Mac is awake, repair permissions again, and you should be good to go!
If your Mac seems slightly sluggish or 'different', perform a second restart. It can't hurt and is sometimes efficacious! In fact a second restart can be recommended.
9. Open a few of your most used applications and check that all is OK. In this connection please remember that not all manufacturers of third party applications and plug-ins, add-ons, haxies etc, will have had time to do any necessary rewrites to their software to make them compliant with the latest version of your operating system. Give them a week or two while you regularly check their websites for updates.
N.B. Do not attempt to install two different updates at the same time as each may have different routines and requirements. Follow the above recommendations for each update in turn.
Lastly, Apple's own article on the subject of Software Update may also be useful reading:
[b]If you are updating Safari (or just have):[/b]
Input Managers from third parties can do as much harm as good. They use a security loophole to reach right into your applications' code and change that code as the application starts up. If you have installed an OS update and Safari is crashing, the very [i]first[/i] thing to do is clear out your InputManagers folders (both in your own Library and in the top-level /Library), log out and log back in, and try again.
So, disable all third party add-ons before updating Safari, as they may not have been updated yet for the new version. Add them back one by one. If something goes awry, remove it again and check on the software manufacturer's website for news of an update to match your version of Safari.
Most errors reported here after an update are due to an unrepaired or undetected inherent fault in the system, and/or a third party add-on.
Additional tips on software installation here:
To reiterate, Input Managers reach right into an application and alter its code. This puts the behavior of the affected application outside the control and responsibility of its developers: a recipe for problems. That's not to say that issues absolutely will ensue as a result of Input Managers, but you, as a user, must decide. If the functionality of a specific Input Manager or set thereof is really important to you, you may well choose to assume the associated risk.
Again, the advice is to remove all Input Managers from the following directories:
- /Library/InputManagers
- ~/Library/InputManagers
especially prior to system updates (they can always be added back one-by-one later).
Solutions for troubleshooting installation, startup, and login issues in Mac OS X v10.5


text:
Wide Width Boots
A little extra room can make all the difference. And wide width boots can give you that little extra. This is the worst: You slide a work boot on your foot, and squeeze it in. And it's just too darn tight. It's uncomfortable, and can be painful. Surely, this is no way to work, no way to walk, and no way to live. You work hard in your work boots..., so why should your work boots make your work any harder than it needs to be? Extra-wide boots are a great solution to the worst footwear problem known to the world. You don't know happiness until you've worn a pair of boots that properly fit. If you are a size 10, you wouldn't buy a size 7 boot, would you? So why is it that some think that boots are only supposed to fit length wise inside of width-wise too? Well, leave those folks behind and pick out a pair that will fit you right. If you want comfortable work boots but seem to be having trouble finding some, wide width boots might be just the ticket for your problem. You will not need to skimp on your selection. The top boot makers, such as Timberland, Danner, Thorogood, Black Diamond, Nautilus, Wolverine and many others, all make extra-wide boots. Need steel-toe boots? You can get those in wide width too. Let Working Person's Store help you get comfortable in your boots, with a pair of wide width boots.(Learn More About wide width boots)(See less)
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text:
These books include your personal message printed on a bookplate sticker that is also signed by Bill. Please note that this means that the book will not ship to you for 2-4 WEEKS.
There's no one more blunt, more opinionated or more outspoken than the average teen. Except of course, Bill O'Reilly. In his latest book, the best-selling author and star TV journalist talks directly to kids!
Award winning broadcast journalist, number one cable news show anchor, best-selling author, husband, father of two and former teacher Bill O'Reilly talks candidly and firmly to teens about the challenges they are most likely to face in this exciting yet crazy time in their young lives. Some of the hot-button topics he addresses include bullying, cheating, sex, drugs, alcohol, advertising, smoking, music, money, relationships with parents, teachers and siblings, death, politics, God and more!


text:
Events Calendar
SPECTRUMS Annual Drag Show Spectacular!
Join us for a fun filled evening of over-the-top performances and endless laughs. Our hostess, Diamonique Devereaux (aka Prof. Barry Gray), is flying up from way down South to crown this year's Drag Queen and Drag King 2011. Performers will shake it and lip sync to their favorite songs and a panel of celebrity lookalikes will be judging. Get ready for pageantry, tiaras, and even clip-on teeth! The event is free and open to the public. HEART (RSC LGBTQ Club) will be having a bake sale and SPECTRUMS will have "mock"-tails served up at intermission. If you are interested in performing please contact us to sign-up today (518/292-1753, firstname.lastname@example.com)
Date: Friday, November 11th, 2011
Time: 7:00 pm
Duration: 2 hours
Location: Opalka Gallery
Sponsored by: News + Events
Contact: email@example.com


text:
LOS ANGELES (www.incnow.tv) - The Mad Ants, who built there recent eight game winnning streak on big finishes, saw things go the other way Saturday night in a 113-106 loss to the Los Angeles D-Fenders.
The K's spotted the K-Wings a 2-0 lead, then twice got back within a goal with first period scores from John Dunbar and Nick Wheeler.
But they could never pull even, as Kalamazoo shut them down defensively to hold on for the win.
The K's now break for a week for the ECHL All Star break, and return to action next Saturday night at Evansville.
For highlights of Saturday night's game click on the video icon on the screen above.
What are your thoughts CLICK HERE to leave us a "QUESTION OF THE DAY" comment.
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