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How do we improve in this dual on Sunday
Tigers 31, Cyclones 10
174: Chris Spangler (ISU) dec. Dorian Henderson (UM) 7-4
184: Mike Larson (UM) pinned Mikey England (ISU) 2:36
197: Brent Haynes (UM) tech fall Cole Shafer (ISU) 15-0 7:00
285: Devon Mellon (UM) dec. Matt Gibson (ISU) 3-2
125: Alan Waters (UM) Mdec. Ryak Finch (ISU) 13-4
133: Nathan McCormick (UM) dec. RJ Hallman (ISU) 9-5
141: Luke Goettl (ISU) dec. Brandon Wiest (UM) 6-5
149: Kyle Bradley (UM) pinned Joe Cozart (ISU) 6:59
157: Drake Houdashelt (UM) Mdec. Michael Moreno (ISU) 13-3
165: Andrew Sorenson (ISU) Mdec. Zach Toal (UM) 12-4
Spangler being out will hurt at 174.
Beard being back at 184 will help, Maybe a win and not lose bonus points.
I think and hope Gibson gets the win at hwt.
Eliminate some bonus points at 149, 157 and 197.
Is there a timeframe for Spanglers return? Or is he out indefinitely? Sounds like he has a history of these problems, which could leave us with bigger holes this year, and the next when he would be our best performer. This team just seems cursed at this point.
Also, unless Weatherman goes, we will likely be giving up big points at 149. I don't see Swalla doing much except getting mauled out there. Cozart has been such a bust it is painful.
I haven't heard, but suspect with it being a concussion issue that KJ will not rush Chris back into the lineup. Mikey England is a quality backup and will fill in nicely at 174, just to small for 184.
Originally Posted by buf87
I haven't heard, but suspect with it being a concussion issue that KJ will not rush Chris back into the lineup. Mikey England is a quality backup and will fill in nicely at 174, just to small for 184.
Agreed, but we are still just putting out warm bodies at 133 and 149 at this point. If Goettl, Finch, and Gibson show progress we will be in better shape. Beard will make a difference, and England should be alright at 174, I just don't think he will quite be ready for this type of opponent. If the stars align, I could see a win, but I will not hold my breath. Enough of our guys have shown promise that it is entirely possible though. I also think this will be Terukina's best opportunity at a win in the Big 12 this year.
An optimistic me thinks we can win 133, 141(BP), 165(BP), 174, 184, 285. It would be the best team performance of the year.
Last edited by brett108; 01-06-2012 at 12:03 PM.
I don't expect to win the dual, but expect improvement from many weights
125 - hold to decision
133 - similiar to before - dec
141 - a larger margin decision
149 - nothing more than a major
157 - dec at worst, I just think Moreno is better than he has shown so far
165 - At least a dec, maybe another major
174 - no worse than a dec loss, but a win won't surprise me, Henderson isn't looking that great
184 - A dec win
197 -hope for a Major loss
Hwt -I expect Gibson to win this one
174 - 10 -13 M (upset)
184 - 13 -13 Tie
Hwt - 16 -17 M win
Originally Posted by brett108
Is there a timeframe for Spanglers return? Or is he out indefinitely?
There's never a timeframe on concussions, it is always just until they pass the doctor's tests. He might be out a week, or he might be done with his career. No way to know. Hopefully we'll have Mayfield back one of these days.
anyone gonna be posting updates?
Originally Posted by CYVADER
anyone gonna be posting updates?
They're streaming it on Clone Zone. But I'll probably post updates for people who don't subscribe.
Originally Posted by Judoka
They're streaming it on Clone Zone. But I'll probably post updates for people who don't subscribe.
sweet! thanks! forget that clonezone puts that up.
clone zone needs scores on there. hard to watch this and nfl without scores on wrestling...
Swalla hanging tough at 149. Down 4-2 after the 2nd period.
Team score is 9-3. Goettl was impressive and won 9-2. Swalla got a reversal and lost 5-2 I think.
can't give up a major at the end of a match like that. and thought goetll should have pushed a little harder to pick up a major in his match as well. that's 2 points off the boards.
England loses in the third OT on a last second takedown. He was in on the leg but Wright was able to break his grip and come around.
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May 6, 2016
GREENSBORO, N.C. - The Atlantic Coast Conference announced Monday that East Carolina's Sept. 22 road game against North Carolina will kickoff at 3:30 p.m. (ET) and be aired live on ESPNU.
The game will mark the Pirates' first appearance on ESPNU since defeating NC State 21-16 on Nov. 25, 2006, and will be ECU's first national broadcast on the ESPN family of networks since the 2010 Military Bowl.
East Carolina (1-1) will open Conference USA play at Southern Miss (0-1) this Saturday and the contest will be televised by CBS College Sports with a scheduled start time of 3:30 p.m. (ET) from Hattiesburg.
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Fordham Alumnus Takes Home Tony Award
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John Johnson, FCLC '02, and wife Kristen at the Tonys on June 9.
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Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spik
won the Tony award for best play on June 9, among those celebrating was John Johnson, FCLC '02.
Johnson is one of three producers from Joey Parnes Productions who ushered the play from Lincoln Center's Newhouse Theater onto Broadway, and took home his first Tony for his efforts.
The play, which was written by Christopher Durang and described by The New York Times' Ben Brantley as a "sunny new play about gloomy people," debuted at Lincoln Center in late October and closed there in January in anticipation of the move. Johnson said it was unusual to close a show in one location and reopen it in another six weeks later, but he felt it was worth the effort.
"We laughed, we thought it was really funny, really touching. [But] I don't think any of us thought at the moment it was going to be something that was going to win the Tony," he said.
"I think what we thought was, 'There aren't a lot of comedies on Broadway in the spring, people really like to laugh, and people were really responding to the play.'"
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"I never thought we would be at the level we're at now, and that's probably the most exciting thing," he said.
As a theater management major at Fordham, Johnson was well prepared for his role as a producer. He distinctly recalls how he was told as a student that the goal of the Fordham theater program was to create "eclectic professionals" who could wear the hat of actor, director, playwright, and producer.
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e. Before it moved to Broadway,
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May 6, 2016
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Barack Obama says the explosions at the Boston Marathon are being investigated as an act of terror, although authorities still don't know who is responsible.
He called the bombing "a heinous and cowardly act" used to target innocent civilians.
Obama spoke to reporters at the White House after a briefing by his national security team.
Three people were killed, including an 8-year-old boy, and more than 170 were wounded in Monday's bombing at the famous marathon's finish line.
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The Los Santos Freeway is a highway in the game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
The Los Santos Freeway route 55 is a major highway connecting Los Santos with Las Venturas and Red County. The highway is a four lane highway with a wide median in Red County. But, in Los Santos it has predominantly a median with a concrete barrier, but at times it's like a curb with street lamps in the middle of the freeway for illumination at night. In Downtown it meets a short freeway to near Grove Street where Carl Johnson lives. Near the airport, for a short time, the median has two guard rails on each side keeping traffic to their own side, this is due to a tunnel upon which the freeway must encounter. The freeway ends briefly in Ocean Docks and becomes a major road through East Beach. Then, after clearing the docks and a few residential home (by way of traffic lights) it becomes a freeway again, on the other side of Red County. When it nears Las Venturas, it turns and heads west towards its starting point, while staying in Red County the second time around, which makes it a looped highway. Traffic on the freeway is often chaotic as drivers cut each other off and cause pile ups and eventually explosions when one or more cars over turn or when the player fires a rocket from a rocket launcher at the traffic. At that time, drivers will try and flee their cars before they explode, but usually they die in the process and then it sets off a chain reaction as drivers who didn't flee their cars try to outrun the pileups and subsequent explosions. Most times, they succeed. Sometimes, they fail and die whilst trying to escape. The traffic levels bounce off from time to time, as traffic tries to get where they need to go. Sometimes, it's an easy commute with little traffic, while other times it can be a nightmare with a lot of traffic, especially around the Los Santos International Airport area.
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Here are some of the roads the Los Santos Freeway meets (freeways included)
The "northbound" route is the freeway going clockwise, the "southbound" route goes counter-clockwise.
The exits are listed in clockwise order.
|Exit #
|Palomino Creek 1
North: Harry Gold Parkway
West: Julius Thruway West, Bone County, San Fierro
East: Julius Thruway East
|Half-clover interchange
|Palomino Creek 2
|East: Red County, Los Santos
|Three-way interchange
|Los Santos - Red County
|Los Santos - Red CountyWest: Vinewood
Three-way interchange
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West: Vinewood, Mullholland Drive
East: El Corona
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|Playa del Seville 1
|East: East Beach Freeway Extension
Two-way intersection
Southbound exit only
|Playa del Seville 2
|East: Los Santos Airport
|Four-way intersection
|Ocean Docks 1
West: Verona Beach
East: Los Santos Airport
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Four-way intersection
Southbound exit only
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Two way intersection
Northbound exit only
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Two way intersection
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|Four-way intersection with overpass
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|North: Playa del Seville
A unique interchange with ramps on the southbound side and a road that forms a wye on the northbound side
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|West: Playa del Seville
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|Mullholland Intersection
|West: East Beach
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West: Los Santos
East: Red County, Palomino Creek
Half-trumpet interchange
Northbound exit, southbound entrance
|Red County
West: Palomino Creek
East: Los Santos
Half-clover interchange
Take to start the northbound portion all over again or continue northbound to exit 17
|Julius Thruway
|South: Palomino Creek
|Four-way intersection
- The Los Santos Freeway is mentioned in GTA IV
- In the beta version, the Los Santos Freeway was called Interstate 45.
- The highway has a total length of 5.8 miles (9.3 kilometres), making it the longest highway in San Andreas.


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Three people were injured when a minivan and lumber truck crashed shortly before 5 p.m. Sept. 26 on Ky. 329 in Goshen.
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Comment reply for my Peereview
Thanks for taking a wizz all over my Hunger Games article. I'll take it into consideration, re-write the article on toilet paper, give it the ole wipe and flush, and then hang it out to dry in hopes my neighbors don't think i'm a tight ass Jew trying to recycle toilet paper, and understand I'm just waiting for the shit to dry so I can make it an article.
You mentioned their is too much goatse reference... what that was meant to be was, the movie is shit, so it was formed from someones ass, and crapped out into a script. I figured diarrhea was the thing that was dying off, but if you say goatses are getting old, then I will have to un-stretch my rectum and just go with the flow. Noted.
The Aussie humor I take it you refer to is the reference to Tasmanian's? Ok, it shall be changed to something else, but hasn't Arkansas, West Virginia, New Jersey and Canada been done to death? Who else can I pick on that are stupid and inbred? I've taken enough puns at teenagers of the day, and well, maybe I should go with something like the brain dead audiences of the Ellen DeGeneres show or the viewers of Jersey Shore... but which one? Help me Joebi-Wan Kanblowmi, you're my only hope... unless I ask someone else... who do you think would be the best to pick on?
I'll begin re-writing again soon... not that it matters, not that anyone will be on the edge of their seats awaiting the new pages... but just in-case no one has anything better to do and Jersey Shore is showing repeats this week, then they will be pleased to know I will be returning very soon.
Your lucky numbers this week are 10, 45, 87 and 90... but they are of no use to you if you are playing a regular lottery that utilizes a numbering system between 1 to 30.---Maniac1075Complain Here 04:41, April 8, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm not sure if you took this reply the wrong way? I wasn't being a smartass... well, I was, but not in a negative way, I meant it in a friendly way... I was actually asking for your opinion on which would be a better replacement for Tasmaina... Jersey Shore viewers, West Virgina, Arkansas or something else? The rest was me saying, i'll note what you said and make the changes away from so much goatse reference. When I re-write, i'll decide if it's best suited to unreviews or a main page... thanks again for peeing on it for me! Cheers. ---Maniac1075Complain Here 02:44, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
I've added you to the chart. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:43, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
You are a Pee Buddy Judge
I'm sure that's not news. But feel free to add {{User:PuppyOnTheRadio/PBJ}} to your user page to show everyone how clever you are.
As for the method of judging - I recorded this thingy earlier, but the long and the short of it - you will be judging every article in the category for which you chose to judge. I will create a judging page later on that allows you to add a comment/link to each article you judge, along with a score. The ideal is that you score one a scale of 0.0 - 10.0 in total, but if you want to score out of 100, or 50, or 8.9, you can do that as well, as long as you put in the max score in as well. (It will become apparent once I've actually created the judging page.) Judging will start on the 1st (sort of). I've actually allowed a days grace for people to complain about entries or submit a late entry with a good excuse (ie: I was dead for two weeks for tax purposes). I'll keep you posted. • Puppy's talk page • 02:32 17 Apr
UnSignpost 19th April 2012
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 102 + 82 • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!
I am an extremely lazy person
Hello, everybody. It's that guy that you see around here sometimes. I just want to apologize in advance for my unscrupleties and making up of the word "unscrupleties". I should probably redeem myself by covering something important that's happening on the site, like any responsible journalist would, but I'm not responsible or a journalist, so I'll just use this medium to complain about my life instead.
I can't believe that slut Barbara broke up with me! We had something great, and she threw it all away for someone that actually "treated her like a person". Pfft! Women and their expectations! I don't even need them! Mrs. Right is all the company I will ever need.
Speaking of dumb whores, my English teacher is making us read a book for homework! A book! What the hell is this? The seventeenth century? Nobody reads books anymore, because it's a complete waste of energy. Reading in general is a complete waste of energy. That's why after I write these rants, I never even bother to look over them, becase wy wuld i revew thus stuf whrn i alredy do it prfict the frst tyme?
That's all from me! Though you may be wondering how anything I said here was at all useful to the signpost, I hope you can appreciate the lack of blood, sweat, and tears I put into this piece and remember that it's all for the good of Wikipedia.
Oh, this isn't Wikipedia? My fucking GPS gave me the wrong directions AGAIN! Goddamn it! Now I'm all pissed. Thanks for reading, whoever you people are.
Vote for 2 new
In March, lots of things happened. Good old admins such as Lyrithya kinda left but she forgot her toothbrush behind so here's hoping we can convince her to come back when she claims it in our lost-and-found department. Meanwhile powerful vandals attacked while we experienced a cannonball shortage, Top-tier articles don't get featured in time, and bad articles don't get excecuted immedately when it has more than 5 votes on VFD, and there are tons to users with potential to become one of our furhers! So for great justice, Vote for our new furhers which will serve our regin and help us defeat fearsome vandals, feature our top-tier articles, and execute worthless articles! The eligible suspects are the following;
What are you waiting for? Vote for our 2 new
A day in the life of an Uncyclopedian
As usual, I woke up in my bedroom. Yes, I did the usual: I ate my breakfast, which is Uncyclopedio's with toast, grape juice (I ran out of orange juice yesterday) and a nice cup of coffee. Then I showered and brushed my teeth, but not at the same time. Afterwards I put on my clothes, and headed straight to the Village Dump by the notoriously unreliable service that is the UTA Metro. At the Village Dump, I have a chat with the other fellow Uncyclopedians at a nice cafe called BHOP, where they sell cheerful pancakes with the words emblazoned, "Benson is better than you" on the plates. I saw a large counter in which the people count to a million, one by one. I thought to myself, by the time they reached a million, it would be 2020, or later. I contributed to the counter and... whoa, they'd gotten ahead 2,000 numbers since I'd left! Then I cleverly thought: maybe this forum is just a waste of time and I should try my newly acquired keyboard skills at writing something. After all, what good is it going to do to count to a million? So I decided to contribute to the Unsignpost.
I left for work to write a new article for the Uncyclomedia Association (but the sign says "Cylon Ass" on its neon lights), which was a building made of leftover construction materials, concrete, tarpaulin and held with hope. And mostly hope, as about a year ago, the building crumbled killing over 300 people below it. The article was halfway complete from yesterday, so I manage to edit it. Unlike my boss, I can't destroy someone else's document, or put it in a file and call it "top secret". But I can make amends to documents, or even write a newer, better one.
There was an IP by the name of 68.343.245.130. He seemed to be a nice guy at least, but his first work was rubbish, so I talked to him on how he can improve it. This had gone for hours, and by the time I had given feedback to at least five IPs, it was the end of my shift. I simply went back home by subway, had a hearty meal, and cried myself to sleep. This has been my routine everyday since.
Pee Buddy Awards
We have so much news in this bumper edition of UnSignpost we may start having to look at extending it to take over UnNews.
In a completely unplanned and natural segue, while we are on the topic of UnNews, we have a new competition. Did you know that Uncyclopedia not only writes the news, we read it as well?
In fact, to celebrate both of these amazing achievements, we are holding our very first (and possibly last) Pee Buddy Awards.
The activity around this is indescribable. This is possibly because this UnSignpost was written before the competition started officially. But get writing and recording today - let's put a voice to the names we know and love.
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Just added a little something
To your Unsignpost entry. Hope that's OK with you, your article is cool! Mattsnow 04:53, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!
VFS Excitement!
Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you!
Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket.
Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him.
Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for.
Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him!
Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting.
Happy Thursday!
Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby)
The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper!
And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"!
BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted!
|UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
Pee Buddy
Just a message to remind you committed yourself on the judging panel of the utmost journalistic competition of all-time: The Pee Buddy Awards! All the judging will be going on on THIS PAGE. All of the glorious articles are listed there! It would be cool if all the judging could be finished in a week or so. Also, Aleister's article is the only one in its category (rewritten UnNews), but it would be a great showing of appreciation for his efforts if you could judge it too! If for some reason you can't judge them, please tell me on my talk page in advance so I can book another judge. It'll take a doctor's note though. Thank you very much for taking the time to participate, making this site a joyful place and all! Mattsnow 00:11, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Zelda car
Hello, and pleased to meet you. I was just looking at File:Zelda car.JPG and File:Zelda car2.JPG. There are very few differences between the two images. As they are not being used anywhere else, did you have any reason for wanting the two of them? --C₂H₆O (hic) 03:24, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
Pee Buddy
That is very ok Joe, I never expected people would write much more than a one line comment! I was kinda feeling "WTF" when I saw that people were going almost TL;DR. Thanks for your judging, it is very appreciated. Mattsnow 12:12, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey bro thanks for the judging, you either forgot to judge 2 articles or I'm just being paranoid. :P Anyway, User:Mattsnow/Pee Buddy judging. Mattsnow 13:28, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
I would like to bring your attention to this forum
Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya • Puppy's talk page • 03:20 07 May
Thanks for the review
See above. I understand and I wish to continue. . 12:28, May 8, 2012 (UTC)
Just a reminder...
...that you still have yet to grade two (2) UnNews articles for the Pee Buddy contest. Either that, or your scores weren't entered into the table properly. Either way, it's your frickin' responsibility. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 00:29, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
- That's ok Joe, I closed the competition and there's already 6 judges, so no worries. I am sure you forgot or something, no problems there! Mattsnow 00:51, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey, mattsnow, can you tell Zombiebaron that Puppy needs to be here for the Pee Buddy judging? -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 00:53, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost May 25th, 2012
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
May 25th, 2012 • Issue 166 • Almost entirely asbestos free!
An Endzone Victory Dance From Your New Overlord
Hi, I'm EMC, your family-friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost six years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin.
But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win the VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me.
I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Six years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success.
I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of
Success awaits you, especially if you are me.
A New Beginning for the Beginner's Guide
If you take a whiff around, you can smell many parts of Uncyclopedia rotting away, such as neglected projects like UnPoetia or those meme-filled articles featured eons ago. And just look at all of that dust on the HTBFANJS!
But of the many things which suck and need major fixing, the Beginner's Guide is no longer one of them.
Thanks to the efforts of Shabidoo and this USP article's author, the Beginner's Guide is now navigable and comprehensible. Users are no longer overwhelmed by stubs stuffed between unnecessarily long calculus equations or whatever the hell was going on with that thing before. Readers do not have to flip through using the "Next page" button. Instead, the new guide can be navigated with its template or its overview page, which now only have six relevant links instead of thirty-thousand and five irrelevant links.
What preceded this and highlighted the necessity for rewriting the guide was the simplification of our UnNews guide and welcome message. It's a well-established fact that reading bores people. Giving people less stuff to read when they first join Uncyclopedia, experts say, increases the likelihood that new users will not only be less bored, but that they might actually read the Beginner's Guide/welcome message/UnNews guide and become worthwhile contributors/get banned less often. And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.
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No, I'm not a Neo-Nazi. I have a large academic interest in the Third Reich and absolutely love their symbols. However, that is beside the point. Vote for anything I do with the USP and you can expect the same for yours from me. I would also like to shoot for a position on the hierarchy of the Sun, if that's possible. With the opposition coming at me from the Uncyc body of any plans with the USP, I'd rather jump on your train too, because it seems to me more successful. Deal? (also, I write funny shit. You haven't seen it yet, but I do. I'll be contributing towards the Sun if you let me in as like, a Co-Founder with you (since I credit myself with sparking the idea anyway).
→A (Ruins) 13:32, June 4, 2012 (UTC)
Back to you about possible Pokémon articles
Hey, Joe. There's a bunch of open holes in Uncyc's coverage of Pokémon. Arceus was huffed a while ago. I'll do that one for Poo Lit... I think. There's also my userpage, which is receiving a huge makeover as we speak. -- Sir CuteKyuremOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0)] 19:02, June 10, 2012 (UTC)
Please vote
Forum:System messages -- Sir CuteKyuremOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0)] 01:25, June 13, 2012 (UTC)
Bring out your dead! It's the UnSignpost!
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
June 14th, 2012 • Issue 167 •It's a periodical. Deal with it.
Censorship and The UnSignpost
It was with some trepidation that the editorial team seized their pens this week, and not just because we don't actually hand-write the USP. The main reason is that the UnSignpost service has been about as frequent as hot Panda sex, which, brings us neatly to our big promise. We can't guarantee news or a that we won't disappear without warning again but we can guarantee talk of Panda sex, as frequently as possible.
The big news on Uncyclopedia is the scandalous news that Wikia have added a warning that pops up when you first visit Uncyclopedia, warning readers that Uncyclopedia is objectionable, inappropriate and violent. The obvious question you would expect to be on everybody's lips is "What took you so long?" we've been all those things for years now, it's like they haven't been paying attention. However, the main feeling on the forums are outrage and angry expressions of... well, anger.
Bizzeebeever is possibly more outraged than anybody else, something he is demonstrating by being frustratingly American in every contribution to the forum, littering his discourse with "Y'all"'s and "darntootin"'s. Bizzeebeever had this to say about the forum: "Somebody here has serious scratch" which we can only assume means Wikia's ownership of Uncyclopedia is akin to an unpleasant venereal disease. If that's not what it means then that's exactly what it should mean. The UnSignpost is right behind Bizzeebeever in demanding freedom from the itchy sexual diseasy era of Wikia ownership: OUR PENISES DEMAND LIBERTY!
Wikia are denying our todgers their rights.
The proposed reactions to being censored in this hideous manner include: filling Wikia's central wiki with porn and other violent content (to demonstrate just how family friendly we are), occupying another wiki, turning the warning pink, voting, voting on the voting, ignoring the warning and looking up Anal licking anilingus on Wikipedia. Spike has also proposed a major letter-writing campaign, as long as all the letters are different and include a lot of long words.
It would seem that despite a forum topic and a lot of long blocks of text decrying the notice that it will remain with us for the foreseeable future. The UnSignpost urges readers not to dismay, and not to attempt to suffocate themselves by climbing into large bags of mashed potato. Seriously, it doesn't work and you look really stupid.
Happy ANAL LICKING ANILINGUS Thursday!
News round-up
Nobody was more disappointed than the UnSignpost staff when they discovered that things had in fact carried on happening while the UnSignpost was on hiatus. The biggest upcoming event is in fact the Poo Lit Surprise! The competition has in fact started, sparing you all the tiresome UnSignpost articles imploring you to participate, unfortunately for you we have not missed the competition itself so prepare for another tiresome UnSignpost article imploring you to participate.
The competition is being run by Zombiebaron this year, Zombiebaron has in fact run it for the last two years but has always bullied some other sucker into running it for him and doing all the adding up.
Xamralco is opposed to the cash prize because "Material possessions and wealth are so analogue... man" and because he probably won't win it. The UnSignpost would like to point out that any money you receive may have been touched by EMC and Black flamingo and their userpages give you enough of an idea of the sort of things they enjoy touching.
Noob of the Moment is running splendidly with users voting and around everybody winning the award at a non-specified moment in time. Last month the winners were XDshempXD, Alpha Quintesson and Mockingbird ST who soared to victory having amassed some votes each. Well done all of you, you're all winners, that said there is a special prize for the real winner, which will be presented to the first one of you to present another admin with Socky's skull on a silver plate. He lives in Belgium, he's the one that isn't a Cow, bring us his head.
Pee review has fallen silent which can only mean one thing and it isn't that we have reviewed every single article on Uncyclopedia. This is doubtless because of a lack of work from the fallen ones. Peeing is not only helpful to the wiki but can also win you a diamond studded toilet!! It's a toilet with diamonds! The admiration, respect and gratitude will also be tremendous, and if you pee regularly your bladder won't explode.
So, to recap, that's the respect and admiration of your peers, a healthy non-exploded bladder and a diamond studded toilet! You'd be crazy not to go and review something right now!
Finally patrolling edits is a very useful function, much like the ability to pee (diamond studded toilet! Diamond studded toilet!) , and it saves you time, effort and time. However Frosty has noticed that nobody seems to be doing it. Bizzeebeever is in fact winning at patrolled edits and at creating bar graphs to demonstrate points that you don't really need a bar graph to demonstrate. The point is however that if you patrol recent changes you should be patrolling edits. Bizzeebeever even made a javascript to let you patrol thousands of edits per second. Alternatively you could not bother to patrol edits, this would annoy Frosty an awful lot, but it would also let Bizzeebeever win at something, so you should probably do it.
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--ChiefjusticeWii 09:57, June 14, 2012 (UTC)
Assume the position! it's the UnSignpost!
Now with 20% more ninjas!
June 21st, 2012 • Issue 168 •Dost thou go cross-gartered yonder UnSignpost?
Blue Sky Thinking
We here at the UnSignpost were just saying the other day, as we packed fudge at the mid-week meeting, how much we miss Dr. Skullthumper. Not because we like him or anything, nobody misses him for that. We miss him because he provided an unending stream of fantastic[citation needed] ideas!
True, most of these ideas were along the lines of "Let's pack all the images on the wiki into a category which I have called 'Maintaining Your Brilliant Ideas Now' or MYBIN for short and let's delete all but the ones of Elephants holding tissues!!" but he was certainly trying and it made for sensational news. Alas, now Dr. Skullthumper has taken another leave of absence leaving nobody to save Uncyclopedia from certain doom. Or so we thought...
It would seem that Shabidoo has his eyes firmly set upon the title of Humour-Wiki innovator having this week posted no fewer than three forum topics demanding, suggesting and complaining about the wiki and proposing that we all do something about it. His posts do lack Dr. Skullthumper's trademark doom and gloom and are instead infuriatingly chirpy and irritating.
When asked to comment Shabidoo had this to say to Uncyclopedia: "I should now take this moment to inform you that you are all a bunch of snotty nosed dick faces, sinking into an abyss of cock-wad penis-smoking but-snot!!!". We know what you're all thinking; he's far too polite to be anything like Dr. Skullthumper.
Shabidoo wants three things, he wants to be able to share pages on Facebook, he wants us all to go retro for a week and he wants his smart phone to load Uncyclopedia, probably so he can create more forum topics about banality.
Shabidoo's best idea is retro week, we imagine this will comprise editing whilst wearing ridiculous hair, a ridiculous shirt, leather trousers and carrying a boom box. For those of you who aren't interested in that sort of thing, what Shabidoo actually proposes is that we re-feature seven articles from before 2010. Steady on there Shabidoo perhaps next time we could run Prehistoric week where we re-feature articles as from as far back as 2009!
Most of you will remember 2010 better referred to by the man in the street as "The year before last". It's very retro, assuming you have no idea what retro actually means. The Facebook suggestion will likely meet with failure because it requires someone who can code, and we only have a couple of people who can do that and they're all insane, Olipro, American or a combination of the three.
Elsewhere on the wiki this week Nikau missed the censorship outrage boat and was outraged by the censorship. Qzekrom created a forum topic and told nobody to reply to it, that was a bit weird,. The PLS is still running and Saberwolf116 returned to the wiki and was promptly ordered back to Pee Review and the voting pages for being foolish enough to announce his return.
Nobody writes UnTunes any more, we could have a week of singing and dancing, we'd call it "UnTunes Week" because we're original like that.
Happy Thursday.
A Victory for Democracy
You all probably remember last week, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You might also remember that the UnSignpost ran a story on the OUTRAGEOUS censorship of Uncyclopedia. The big development to that story this week is that Simsilikesims has managed to get the content warning removed! Oh, wait that's not right, what has actually happened is that the warning has been changed so that it is more welcoming, not that there are many more welcoming ways you can say "WARNING: This wiki has over 600 breast images and racism!"
The new warning is delightful and nobody can say a bad word about it, except me. I hate it. It's too compromising, I'm all in favour of encouraging new users to come to our site, but the current content message makes them all think that Uncyclopedia is the place for them! Do you know that just this week I was patrolling recent changes hunting for
I would also like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the Cat on the notice and Simsilikesims signature. The signature that most people see first is normally Zombiebaron's on the block page, or mine in the canned welcome message I have sprayed onto their talk page. Don't you people see? If we put Simsilikesims' signature on the content warning people will start asking her/him/it things. A truly deplorable state of affairs.
Also, Aimsplode really likes the new content warning, as if you needed another reason to hate it.
You is exactly who could write articles for the UnSignpost! In order to keep the periodical working on a regular basis.
We also needed this space to even up the columns because of RAHB's massive complaint.
Enjoy reading that.
We certainly did.
That's enough space filled.
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--ChiefjusticeWii 00:40, June 21, 2012 (UTC)
I've added Windows XP to the list. Two questions:
- Can I be part of the Colonization?
- Is the article hopeless?
-- Sir CuteKyuremOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0)] 01:43, June 27, 2012 (UTC)
Joe9320. How's the U2 colonization going? -- Sir CuteKyuremOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0)] 16:18, June 27, 2012 (UTC)
I saw you were in the market for signatures
That's MY job. If you want a custom sig, just message me here. I make them via specifications and for FREEEEEEEEEEE(eeeeee). Now. Like, right now. →A (Ruins) 20:52, 3 July 2012
Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost!
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
July 5th, 2012 • Issue 169 • You'd be crazy not to listen!
Reform and change
It was the winds of change that wafted through the UnSignpost office this week, at least that's what we assume the smell is. This week's topic of change is the ever popular Vote for Sysops/Sandwiches. What's wrong with it? It's not good enough that's what.
VFS has always been something of an old standby for the UnSignpost, it has drama, it has thrills, it has the invariable abuse of power and crushing of dissenting opinions. It has everything that made Uncyclopedia what it is today. With so many positives- did we mention the abuse of power? The drama? With so many positives it is hard to believe that anyone would ever wish to be rid of VFS, but it seems there is always one bold revolutionary desperate to spoil everybody else's fun.This week's bold revolutionary role is played jointly by Saberwolf116 and Lyrithya. Shocking really, after all Lyrithya always seemed so happy with how everything on Uncyclopedia was run and hasn't tried to change a thing since she got here. She favours scrapping VFS altogether and introducing a system similar to that used on Wikipedia. This correspondent would like to share the advice of his estranged father with Lyrithya: "If you like Wikipedia so much why don't you go and live there?".
Saberwolf116 meanwhile is a splendid well-meaning fellow who has no idea that it is in fact quicksand full of shards of broken glass that he has unwittingly stepped into. Saberwolf proposes a system similar to a discussion board where everyone discusses and agrees who is the best candidate for the job, they are then appointed and begin doing a splendid job, perhaps while we are all living in Saberwolf's fantasy world we could all visit the Marshmallow planet and grow enormous beards. Saberwolf had this to say about his plans to abolish the voting: "Let's vote", so he is off to a good start.
Lyrithya meanwhile proposes that we let people nominate themselves at any time and if they're good enough we make them an administrator, it's a good idea and it works on wikipedia, but so would Aztec human sacrifice if the arbitration committee suggested it.
Sycamore also appears to be formulating a system based on letting the administrators decide everything until the final stage which the UnSignpost is sure will go down a storm amongst a group who feel that letting administrators' votes count double in the first stage of the current VFS is a breathtaking abuse of position and power, which can only have been instituted on the instruction of Satan and his demonic minions.
The discussion continues on the forum, though based on the current state of affairs you are unlikely to be made an administrator unless your mum is "ghey", which means RAHB is safer than anybody.
On a lighter note Qzekrom suggests an article feedback tool be added to the bottom of articles so people can rate the article, some may remember we scrapped a scoring system for articles because "Nobody ever uses the thing". Anybody wishing to let an author know about the ghey-ness of their mum or how terrible their article is are encouraged to make use of the talk page, or have a go at using Pee Review, that's why most people use it.
Yes, the Poo Lit Surprise competition has concluded. There was a tremendous amount of ceremony as Zombiebaron closed the competition having completed all his adding up. It was something of a news item in of itself that there were no ties and a clear winner was found in every single category. The grand champion was Modusoperandi who wrote a splendid article about the Slender Loris. You should read it, you should vote for it. You should vote for everything and anything.
The competition runner-up was Thekillerfroggy who successfully came second more than everybody else. He must be very proud. He wrote HowTo:Meet women, which is quite ironic when you think about it, he also wrote Freezer, which isn't ironic, even if you think about it. You should nominate these articles and then vote on them. Shabidoo's retro week idea that we thoroughly ridiculed the other week sits sickeningly on the Village Dump flaunting its garish imagery and mocking the forum's otherwise sombre tone. This forum still exists despite the issue it was created to challenge having been resolved, though it does seem to be nearing the record for the most votes on a single forum topic.
Finally, the top 3 of the month has moved to the forum because it is easier to vote on it by phone. If we are altering things to make them easier to edit from a phone we should probably move the entire wiki into a forum.
Happy Thursday!
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--ChiefjusticeWii 08:12, July 5, 2012 (UTC)
Imperial Colonization - Update
Hi Joey. I reorganized the IC nominations in order by score. Tell me what else I can do, please. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:09, July 11, 2012 (UTC)
I just created this forum where lots of ppl have already signed up for IC. Check it out. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 04:12, July 14, 2012 (UTC)
Boners!~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:32, July 13, 2012 (UTC)
I see what you did
You totally ripped off my templates. As far as I remember, you need a license to use them. Access Granted. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 14:43, July 14, 2012 (UTC)
Add this to your userpage:
This user is licensed to use Cute Zekrom's userpage design API. Don't get them confused with Cute Zekrom!
--QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 15:22, July 14, 2012 (UTC)
Retro Voting
Hello Joe...what do we know? Thanks for voting in the Retro Week thing. As for grouping all your votes for one article, it says you can vote twice for one article but not thrice. So if you choose to use your third vote (you dont HAVE to use the third vote) you'll have to pick a different article. I hope you understand. Because if you dont, then the two of us will have to have a light saber showdown on the moon infront of a pyramid of hot chicks in their underwear. --ShabiDOO 16:30, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
There has been a misunderstanding
My UnNews article actually flunked VFH. --Lord Scofield Stark 22:04, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
We've got boner for news! It's the UnSignpost!
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
July 19th, 2012 • Issue 170 • Got Wood?
Fancy a Bone?
"The latest meme is Template:Boner." Qzekrom blared into the press room last Thursday. We here in the UnSignpost office were absolutely beside ourselves, if we wanted people to tell us the news we'd open a hotline, a suggestion precluded by our lack of a phone, money or staff. So it came down to a straight choice between considering the reaction and the effect of the new MediaWiki Upgrade and the featuring of a template whose entirety is a very poor drawing of a penis. Naturally, we chose the one that included the smallest amount of penis: Template:Boner.
This template is apparently the best thing since sliced bread, and you can use it in practically the same ways; you can spread it with butter and serve it to your friends as a surprise, you can dunk it into egg and, most importantly, consume it with jam. The template stormed to feature status with 23 votes for, which, coincidentally is the same number of votes cast on VFH throughout the whole of March.
Nothing it seems mobilises Uncyclopedians better than a penis. The size of the penis in the template may account somewhat for its popularity*. Qzekrom does have a point, and a worrying obsession with css and javascript and all those uninteresting things whose only real function is to produce unnecessary work like page editing and the graphical interface. If you share these interests then you can easily head to one of the many forums he has created to discuss them, if on the other hand you are short on time because of the job you have to go to and be miserable at for fifty hours a week then you can always go to VFH and vote one of of the many penis related articles that Uncyclopedia has to offer.
The VFH vote is being called "The third most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia", losing out to some votes that were actually rigged one must assume. Anybody wishing to rig their own vote has only to head onto IRC and start asking if anybody is "up for lulz" today and then simply pitching their idea as "This great thing I found". If you are struggling then feel free to ask Frosty who is the mastermind behind the present craze for boners. Not that anybody is particularly surprised.
Have a bonerific week!
*Readers are invited to interpret this statement however they like.
A Song of Ice and Fire
Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water.
We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive?
I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER!
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--ChiefjusticeWii 16:49, July 19, 2012 (UTC)
Next time you compare me to that crappy video game character who shares my name, I swear I'll... ah, nevermind. -- Кıяву Тαгк Сойтяıвs 2012-07-20T07:26
What happened to IC?
Seriously. There's been no activity on IC since the 19th. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 22:03, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
Get Your UnSignPost! Now More Respected Than The Town Crier!
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
July 26th, 2012 • Issue 171 • Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
Painting by Numbers
This week some of Uncyclopedia's greatest and not so great have spent some time watching Uncyclopedia pass by without them. This is the news that Wikia has taken the momentous decision to lock out the vast majority of the active administrators and half the users.
Problems began at 11:20 UTC on the 24th of July when Socky discovered that he was unable to access a few select features of his account; logging in being the most obvious. Banished to the realm of numbers Socky went to the forums and told everyone else. It soon became apparent that nobody could log in, except for Bizzeebeever, who "made the software his bitch" by pressing the log in button more than even wikia had anticipated. As everyone sat on the forum and debated just how angry and indignant this news should make them, a wikia representative was dispatched to the forum to pour oil on troubled waters, suggesting that Uncyclopedians "Return to causing world suffering or burning me in effigy".
But burning effigies of Wikia staff members would have to wait as it became evident that, following the initial lock out of everybody, the adminstrator database had somehow been lost when it was being carried to a new building, or something like that. The administrator magic then gushed into the ground and caused a giant peach to grow outside Wikia headquarters.
This condemned the administrators to a long evening of moaning on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel, where another Wikia representative awaited with nothing but a can do attitude and a lack of information about the problem to ensure that everybody remained as irritated as possible. Even worse than that, following a great deal of moaning somebody started off UnTrivia, forcing everybody through an evening of anagrams and obscure song lyrics.
At the time of going to press only Thekillerfroggy appears to have been able to force his way through the log in procedure to use admin tools while users who could log in took full advantage of the absence of any administrators to fill the forum with appalling alternatives to fixing the problem. It would seem that, at present, the only solution is to make a new account and then curry favour with TKF, the only way to do this being fellatio or copious helpings of wang. 22.214.171.124 had this to say about the outage: "Zombiebaron.... FU WIKIA". 188.8.131.52 reported a similar feeling saying "Ahahahahahahahahah...god dammit, why can't I log in?".
As we enter a second day with all the admins locked out something novel occurs to me; I can watch Uncyclopedia, and I can shag the sheep, but I don't want to if nobody knows it was me.
Loramycetaceae of Ipswich do lorikeets while sitting amidst consecrators a-disciplining the elite. My gonads' dictum ipsilaterally saps your mom. Nullification of the masses accretes the Nibelungen's pretty umpty temperament. Done accelerating liberation. Done cunting shit amidst nisin from a pedo auctioneer named Hendrik. Protein from Trisha's antique rises into risus sardonicus. Doodlebugs' necks beget a menu with fetus. Protein exposure lectures quip Magdalena Corvallis, files nisei fermenter magma, nut amputate diam denim ac tulles. Groin peed. Coned a joust ac oleo perambulator lacing. In presidium collision purls. Letitia venations, nils veal consenter plenteousness, orcas mi male Tussuad urns, veil tempoes nuns est at gurus. Nascence volute.
Vivacious Yul trices. Crays portrait offends libeler. Nuns mi amass, collisional veal, dissimilar quips, volute vitae, nuns. Done consequent. Coned congruent peed sit meat denim. Duelist pulmonary ants. Nuns consecrate tether. Done cactus cum, qualm sit mate pulp Tate oculists, just libeler various purrs, seed biennium Turpin purls beget Loramycetaceae. Quizzes we equine dew, Budapest neck, male Tussuad veld, fermentation in, odors. Phallus invites torpor. Integer neck elicit. Nam vitae felts vile Loramycetaceae lacerate Hendrik. Present ornate. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich dolor sit meat, conch secreter a-discoing lite. Sunlamp Isis. Plenteousness vaccinial volute arch.
Bisque non nun. In ornate commodity venality. Swed nun rises, gravid at, concuss id, tempts you, Sulla. Phallus is lacking, commodore sled, incident pulmonary, facilitates Vella, Nissie. Vivacious Budapest. Noella enigma. Donne portal Allison dolor. Groin non Maurise. Letitia Loramycetaceae urns, vestibular eat, aliquot vitae, suspicious neck, tulles. Letitia so dales diam egret equine tempos aorta. In ult rices Dolores. Also, I can log in again! Hurrah!
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--OliOmniOmbudsman 14:55, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
A call to arms!
Greetings, fellow colonizer! As you know, we have chosen Futurama as our article of choice in our quest to resurrect the once grand and glorious empire of Imperial Colonization. After considerable debate, we have decided on our battle strategy and plan on subduing and annexing this article into our Empire forthwith. As a God-fearing solider of our order, it is your duty to contribute to our conquest of this brute. Help us! Should you have any questions or suggestions for a new battle approach, please talk to your fellow imperialists.
Happy hunting!
Saberwolf116 (talk) 19:02, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
No need for eye protection, it's the UnSignpost!
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
August 9th, 2012 • Issue 172 • You need to know stuff to be biased!
The state of the Wiki: Summer 2012
The biggest news of the week this week is that there isn't any news whatsoever, sure there are a few forums in the dump that promise to radically shake up the way everyone edits Uncyclopedia, or at least change it slightly. But for the most part there is no news, which always comes as a great relief to everyone in the UnSignpost office as it means that we can spend this week drivelling about pointless minutia and thus crawl that one vital step closer to death.
The state of the wiki is this: nobody is voting for half of the monthly awards. This is naturally a cause of great concern for everybody, the prevailing feeling being that somebody should be nominating and voting for people on these awards, but we'd rather it wasn't us. Nobody is happy with the current VFS system, but nobody can agree on anything to change it to, so the current VFS system has remained with he proviso that everyone sneer about how unfair it is every time it is used.
This periodical has already chronicled the appalling miscarriage of justice that allows administrators extra votes on VFS so it with an air of surprise that the UnSignpost can now bring to you a proposal to let administrators run everything. Uncyclopedia's 29th wordy controversy filled blockbuster of the year suggests that the admins run everything because they are the most thorough and most experienced users, the voting section of the same forum being filled with comments from admins saying "Tl;dr" and "I can't be bothered to read your entire essay", hand these splendid fellows the keys to city immediately, the UnSignpost implores you to entrust the administrative body with any nuclear codes or state secrets you might have, safe in the knowledge that they will never ever be looked at.
Thekillerfroggy has solved the problems of the Worst 100 list by skipping 60 reflections and justifying it with a cliché, absolutely nobody notices and continues adding reflections about themselves and why they are adding a reflection to the list. Modusoperandi adds an actual reflection to the list causing the universe to begin collapsing in upon itself.
The final and most grave piece of news is that Uncyclopedia is critically low in images of boobs, totalling only 634 pictures in the boob images category, now either some of you aren't correctly categorising your images of boobs, or there is a serious problem. Socky, who long ago took on the arduous and time consuming task of auditing the boob images category said "How I
Uncyclopedia Needs More Vandals
Yeah, you heard me, <insert name here>. Uncyclopedia needs more vandals. Why, you may ask. Why would we need more annoying basement-dwellers to ban? Well, I'll tell you.
As all of you may have noticed, Uncyclopedia has been going through some inactivity lately, to the point where users who haven't signed on since who knows when are becoming more active on the site than users who check the website everyday. It seems our competitor has been gaining more activity than us, and we can't let that happen, now can we? There's only one way to get our activity back up: recruit vandals.
Most vandals are EDiots anyway (of course, the best vandals are admins), so if we attract some vandals here, maybe they'll attract some more writers! And... er...
Second thought, we don't need more vandals. Vandals suck and they should die.
|UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
--ChiefjusticeWii 07:04, August 10, 2012 (UTC)
Pee Review?
|We need your PEE!
Good day loyal PEEING member.The management was wondering if you had
noticed the state of the toilet recently. We appear to have developed something of
a blockage, and wondered if you might have a plunger handy.
Possibly you are one of the rare PEEING members who does actually do regular reviews,
in which case please flush this message immediately, otherwise...
It's time you reviewed something you lazy bum!
--ChiefjusticeWii 18:17, August 20, 2012 (UTC)
Dec 1?
Are you doing VCE or are we talking Uni/TAFE? • Puppy's talk page • 10:25 21 Aug
ChiefjusticeDS enjoys buttsex: The UnSignpost!
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
August 23rd, 2012 • Issue 173 • One periodical to rule them all...
Don't mention the merger
The UnSignpost office is always busy, the phones ringing, the journalists writing, the constant clamouring of eager interview candidates and our editor daydreaming all of the above into existence. If anyone else came through the office every week there wouldn't be room for the crippling loneliness that forms such a massive part of our lives.
The same, alas, cannot be said for UnBooks Author of the Month and UnScripts Playwright of the Month whose complete lack of any activity has resulted in them both being rolled into writer of the month. Why is this news? Because it means less voting and if there's less voting there must be less democracy, that's just common sense.
Responsible for this dastardly plot is none other than Simsilikesims, you all know Simsilikesims, she's the person who wrote the content warning which we now see approximately six times a day. If you didn't know how content warnings worked before you definitely do now. Simsilikesims has had a number of these good ideas and it's likely that shortly we shall see her malevolent intent, possibly in the form of combining the UnTunes namespace with the mainspace because not enough people are singing their articles in the style of Dragonforce or however it is those people who don't understand magnetic fields sing their songs.
What would an intolerable loss of the right of Uncyclopedians to let parts of the wiki fall into a state of abandonment and disrepair be without Thekillerfroggy to swing the hammer of despair?
Hoping nobody would notice TKF also decided to smite Reviewer of the Month into the ether. RotM is an award that literally nobody was ever interested in... It's also the only award I've ever won twice, so don't mind me, I'll just be over here sobbing while I look through the archives of the first award I ever won...
In other news Mattsnow has stepped down as UnNews' biggest cheese. The war to replace him is now on, the choice being between GlobalTourniquet and a machine who will plaster something onto the front page every so often, a machine and nobody at all.
We here in the UnSignpost office haven't quite decided which we prefer and have ultimately decided to vote for Batman instead. Batman has a grappling hook to reach hard-to-reach places, sneaks around wearing leather and is a complete social retard while he's doing the job, in other words he's perfect for the position. If he can save Gotham from the Joker then we have absolute confidence in his ability to read articles and then put them in a template on a fairly regular basis. Do you have an opinion? Too bad, because you don't get a say; GlobalTourniquet started doing the whole thing last Saturday.
Happy Thursday!
The feature feature
"VFH sucks right now." proclaims the banner that greets all visitors to the VFH page. We've all seen it, probably whilst passing through and very pointedly not visiting VFP which is now beginning to resemble the immediate aftermath of a Nuclear event. However, this reporter has come up with an alternative explanation: it isn't VFH that sucks, it's all of you, and by extension all of us, which also happens to be all of me. Uncyclopedians, famous for their flame wars and constant douchebaggery seem to have come to the conclusion that when on VFH that it's better not to vote than to disagree.
What else could account for the 15 plus voter turnout for articles that we all agree are fantastically well written/crafted, while articles which may well be of high quality, but bear the title "UnNews:Politicians politicise the filing system of plumbing the South-Eastern region of the Ukraine" struggle along, accruing 7 votes for before sitting on the feature queue until they die of old age. This alongside the fact that people can't be bothered means Thekillerfroggy is beside himself at the state of things. Why TKF? Because he seem to have appointed himself supreme worrier in-chief for VFH and is executing that duty by slapping increasingly urgent messages onto the page. "DON'T MAKE ME PUT IN CAPITALS" twitched Thekillerfroggy when approached by the UnSignpost about the latest message.
How do we fix this? Voting, obviously, but it's more than that. Yes, you might only have time to vote on just one article, yes you are probably more likely to enjoy the article with 20 votes than 5, but unless you vote the articles with 5 votes will never have 20. There are lots of articles to vote on, but you have ages to do it in! This article has been there for a month and has managed 10 votes. Twitter managed 17 in 5 days! Are you people pulling our balls?
Don't make us use the awe inspiring powers of caps lock to get our way, VOTE NOW!
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Set phasers to frag! It's the UnSignpost!
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism!
September 6th, 2012 • Issue 174 • When we were your age, this was all fields...
My "coming out"
Hey girlfriends! This week the UnSignpost puts the "Queen" in "Drama Queen" as it discusses the issues which are literally the bomb.
The biggest bomb this week, besides how darling our UnSignpost correspondents look in their new outfits, is that Zombiebaron wants the wiki to improve, this means deleting most of it and playing trivia on IRC. The bigger news is that PoofyOnTheRadio also wants the wiki to improve, this means not playing trivia on IRC and sending editors out onto the internet in order to sell their bodies to Google in the hopes that this will increase traffic to the wiki.
These squabbles are ultimately self-defeating, while we are arguing amongst ourselves whether or not we ought to change the beginner's guide into an 20 minute video and a fireworks display we still haven't managed to do anything. What we have decided is that articles can be deleted with less than +5 votes to delete and that RAHB is very good at trivia if nothing else.
The other big news from weeks ago is that Mattsnow has stopped being in charge of UnNews after a period of however long it is he has been doing that. Shabidoo who loves to do "zany" stuff so he can get into the UnSignpost, has created an extra forum to ensure that absolutely nobody thanks Mattsnow and instead demonstrates just how hilarious they are. Congratulations to Zombiebaron who came out with the completely obvious joke before anyone else.
Finally GlobalTourniquet, the new UnNews Quasar (by appointment of himself) is open to criticism... and penis, lol.
Remember the heady days of two weeks ago when we told you all to feel very bad because VFH didn't have enough nominations. Well forget that because now it does and we can move our sensationalist bandwagon elsewhere. Where better to send it than Pee review, currently known as the namespace that isn't a namespace that time forgot. Five reviews for the entire month of August demonstrates that nobody really seems particularly interested in assisting the review process.
It might take a little while to do a Pee Review but there is a reason we have the space. It is of particular concern as we have a list of people who are supposed to be doing reviews at least once a month, myself included. Where are we? Who knows, but we certainly aren't perusing the list of articles awaiting review. Let's go over there! Let's bring Thekillerfroggy who can put a stern template at the top of the page and insist that this is hugely important to the wiki, guess what.... IT IS!!!
Also there is likely to be a new VFS this month, bring on the voting, it makes everything better!
Why, again, are we counting to a million?
Ever since 2008, Uncyclopedia has had a tradition of counting to a million. Started by Spang, this tradition has been going on for nearly five years. However, recently the question was asked relating to the value of the forum, with users complaining that it was "completely devoid of humor" and that it turns smart users into idiots.
After mass protest (okay, not really) from the contributors of the thread and from someone else, said users commented on the forum saying that counting to a million is why so many articles supposedly suck nowadays and it's also why VFH is completely empty. It has also been stated that only idiots would do it.
So now I'm attempting to answer it as quickly as I can: that's the point. We're idiots and we know that we're never going to make it to a million, but we want to see how close we can get anyway.
So if you are the type of idiot that would write for Uncyclopedia, feel free to assist us in our count to one million, or close to.
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--ChiefjusticeWii 10:48, September 6, 2012 (UTC)
From the UnNews editor's desk
Hi Joe,
Duly appointed UnNews Czar here. I am going to move your article UnNews:NASA discovers Hot Dogs in Space to your user space, and ask you to do more work here before I put it on the UnNews list.
Before I get into that though, I'd like to thank you for being an UnNews correspondant - UnNews is in need of people wanting to write funny stuff. It takes a village. I hope you find this action by me encouragement to write more, and improve the writing. I am now assuming responsibility for the quality of UnNews content, so that's my position.
There are two major issues here.
First, subject matter. This is not an easy one to make work. You are trying to add humor with a play on words to an acronym that is already playful in real life. I am certain that the NASA folks who called the galaxy a Hot DOG were having a bit of a laugh themselves with the acronym, as they are known to do. I really think the difficulty level of making this work is too high. But I am willing to see if you can make it work. The major subject matter problem I see is there just isn't enough material here and the article way overextends the joke, even as relatively short as it is. Also, there are several instances of randomness and near-randomness that don't really work. I don't see any humor added, for instance, by the inclusion of other junk foods. Also, the attempts to include details of the real report into your joke context are falling very flat - they need a major humor punch-up. They are sort of all over the map. It is also inconsistent - if the galaxy is made of hot dogs, why are you telling me what the "Hot DOG" actually stands for that has nothing to do with hot dogs? That makes no sense and as a result detracts from rather than adds to the humor. Finally, the racist joke connectiing the term supermassive black hole to an "obese black woman" is at once weakly told and too racist. In my view racist humor has an extremely high bar of humor to meet in order not to be simply racist and offensive in a bad way (that is to say, there are good ways to be offensive in satire and this does not meet those criteria). In this case, the joke is weak because it is insinuated in the text but explicitly stated in the picture caption. In reality, people tend to look at image captions first - if there is a blatant joke there, and then it is subtle in the text, there is a sense of disappointment when the same joke in text is encountered.
Secondly, the language needs major improvement. There are run-on sentences that need restructuring and grammar that needs fixing. I can help with that if you like, but for that effort to have value, honestly, I need to be more confident that the central joke can be saved. The picture is slightly amusing, so maybe it is worth it. Good UnNews pictures are few and far between. That said, however, if you want to give it another shot, don't worry about this aspect for now - if the joke can be saved, then I can help you bring the language up to standard.
Of course you are welcome to ignore all of this and just let it go, but as the article is currently written it does not meet the standards I am hoping to establish on UnNews. But again, please don't be discouraged, and don't be offended - if you disagree about the humor and feel that all the article needs is a grammatical improvement, then we can certainly get a second opinion. Thanks. -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 02:15, September 8, 2012 (UTC)