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POLICE SHIELD SEX OFFENDERS; Dangerous Criminals on the Run but Detectives Keep Names and Details Secret. in Case the Convicts' Human Rights Are Trampled; 12 Sex Offenders 'On the Run'
Byline: Graham Grant Home Affairs Editor
POLICE are refusing to name a dozen missing sex offenders - to protect the human rights of rapists and paedophiles.
The Scottish Daily Mail has already revealed that registered sex offenders are reconvicted of violent and sexual crimes, on average, almost once a week.
There are 12 currently unaccounted for, having vanished from the police radar.
But detectives say they cannot name them unless there is a risk to public safety - because of their 'sensitive and complex' needs.
Last night, Scottish Tory justice spokesman Margaret Mitchell said: 'This again highlights the problem with the Sex Offenders Register.
'Police need to know where these people are and what they are doing. That is why the register is there. As long as they are doing that and toeing the line, they can keep their anonymity.
'But those who don't play by the rules should be exposed - they have completely lost that right by not complying with the order.' Information obtained by the Scottish Daily Mail shows 12 sex offenders are either missing - meaning they have failed to keep in touch with the authorities - or are actively evading the law. Nine are 'known to be outside the UK'.
A separate Scottish Government report recently revealed record numbers of sex offenders are living in the community and more and more of them are breaching the terms of their release - for example, by failing to notify police of their whereabouts. When the Mail asked for the identities of the 12 fugitives, police refused to hand over names and photographs as individual cases are never discussed.
But a Police Scotland spokesman said: 'Public safety is always the main priority in all cases. Whilst it remains the main priority, a balance is required between public safety and the rights of the individual.
'All aspects of cases are carefully considered at every stage of the process, from psychological and risk assessments to places of residence and potential security issues.'
The spokesman also suggested the 'sensitive and complex' nature of the cases was a barrier to publicising their identities. He said: 'We prioritise warrants and those who are deemed a greater risk will be given extensive police attention and action.
'Sex offenders are monitored in the community under the Multi-Agency Public Protection Arrangements (MAPPA) which involve the police service, local authorities, the NHS, Scottish Prison Service and other partners. …


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Way Elementary "Wildcats" Math Pentathlon Team
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Joining in on a nationwide protest, hundreds of demonstrators march through the city's streets chanting "NSA go away" and "Restore the Fourth today."
To protest the NSA spying program on Independence Day, dozens of top Web sites will display a Fourth Amendment banner, and thousands of people will participate in street protests across the country.
An influx of visitors to Senate Web sites during the copyright protest knocked them temporarily offline. But the Capitol switchboard stayed up.
Widespread online protests appear to have convinced some sponsors of controversial copyright bills that they're no longer worth supporting.
Wikipedia has gone offline for 24 hours to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act, while Google and Craigslist are also asking users to contact Congress.
The popular blogging platform is introducing a new feature called WordAds that will allow users to make money by allowing ads to appear on their blogs.
We show you how to setup WordPress as a basic content management system, giving you a more efficient way of organising stacks of content.
Set up a free local server on your PC or Mac so you can run a new WordPress site without your work being visible to the world.
A favicon, or customized icon, is nice way to personalize a blog. WordPress blogs, both hosted and free, can be configured to use a favicon. We'll go over how to set a favicon for your own WordPress blog.
Get schooled by CNET editor Jasmine France. This week: Get some tips on using social communication dissemination site Twitter.


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Cowboys Photos
10 things to know about the Cowboys' first opponent, the San Francisco 49ers: Suspensions and injuries galore on defense
Photo: Marcio Jose Sanchez/AP
The 49ers come into the game shorthanded on defense. The NFL suspended linebacker Aldon Smith for nine games last week because of violations to the league's substance-abuse and personal-conduct policies. Also, starting defensive tackle Ray McDonald was arrested Sunday on felony domestic violence charges. The NFL announced tougher policies on players accused of domestic violence last week, citing a six-game suspension for a first offense, but it's unclear if the investigation into McDonald will be completed in time to prevent him from playing on Sunday.
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text: User ProfileProfile Dr Neil Curson Lecturer Telephone Number: 07942 580984Fax Number: +44 (0)20 7679 0595Email: firstname.lastname@example.com Office/Location: B1.01Research Interests: Controlled placement and imaging of dopants in semiconductorsStudy and control of chemical reactions at surfacesDevelopment of scanning probe lithography techniquesFabrication of novel materials by molecular manipulation BiographyBiography: Lecturer in Nanotechnology, University College London (2007-present)Senior Research Fellow, University of New South Wales, Australia (2000-2007)Post Doctoral Research Fellow, Cavendish Laboratory, Cambridge, UK (1997-2000)Post Doctoral Research Fellow, Rutgers University, NJ, USA (1996)Ph.D. in Physics, Cavendish Laboratory, Cambridge (1995)B Sc in Physics, University of Leicester (1990) ResearchResearch: My prime research interests are centred around understanding and controlling the physics of nano and atomic scale processes that occur at surfaces. This includes fundamental research into the behaviour of atoms and molecules at surfaces and the development and deployment of new nanolithographic techniques, strongly impacting on the fabrication of nanoscale electronic devices and atomic-scale components for quantum computers. Describing my research into atomic manipulation with STM to Dr Brendan Nelson, Australian Minister for Defence. The controlled incorporation of phosphorus in silicon with atomic-scale precision: STM images show rows of hydrogen terminated silicon dimers. The left cross-hairs show an area where hydrogen has been deliberately removed by the STM tip. After exposing the surface to phosphine gas and heating to 350ºC, a single phosphorus atom is incorporated in the surface, see right cross-hairs.These two sequences of STM images show how subtle differences in reaction pathways can drastically effect surface processes. When PH3 adsorbs on a surface it spontaneously dissociates to PH2+H. Whether the P atom becomes trapped at one place on the surface or is free to wander around depends on whether the PH2 fragment diffuses before falling apart. A device fabricated using atomic force microscope (AFM) lithography. Just (25nm) below the surface of this GaAs wafer is a 2-D sheet of electrons. A narrow 1-D channel is defined in this sheet by local depletion using the AFM. Depletion is achieved by forming an oxide below the tip of the AFM (a process known as local anodic oxidation) and tracing out the lines seen in the image. Electrons travel ballistically through the channel due to their long free mean path in GaAs and form widely spaced sub-bands due to their confinement within the 1-D channel, resulting in unexpectedly high operating temperatures. Research Highlights: Building quantum states with individual silicon atoms By introducing individual silicon atom 'defects' using a scanning tunnelling microscope, scientists at the London Centre for... Read More Researchers discover unexpected charge properties of single dopants Traditionally, phosphorus and arsenic atoms have been used as donors in silicon, donating electrons that make up the current... Read More Publications Search publication title 03.11.2015 Ba termination of Ge(001) studied with STM 26.08.2014 Imaging of buried phosphorus nanostructures in silicon using scanning tunneling microscopy 27.02.2014 Single Photon Detection with a Quantum Dot Transistor 13.07.2013 Revealing surface oxidation on the organic semi-conducting single crystal rubrene with time of flight secondary ion mass spectroscopy 13.07.2013 Doping and STM tip-induced changes to single dangling bonds on Si(001) 13.07.2013 Single Phosphorus Atoms in Si(001): Doping-Induced Charge Transfer into Isolated Si Dangling Bonds 13.07.2013 Comparison of GaP and PH as dopant sources for STM-based device fabrication 13.07.2013 Scanning tunneling microscope based fabrication of nano- and atomic scale dopant devices in silicon: The crucial step of hydrogen removal Pages1 2 3 4 5 6 7 next › last » News General news EU Science Commissioner visits UCL The European Commissioner for Research, Innovation and Science, Carlos Moedas, visited UCL today. He held a meeting with the President & Provost of UCL, Professor Michael Arthur, before visiting the London Centre for Nanotechnology. At the LCN the Commissioner's visit started with a tour of the... New CDT in the Advanced Characterisation of Materials announced Researchers at the LCN at both UCL and Imperial College London have been awarded just over £4M from the EPSRC for a new Centre for Doctoral Training in the Advanced Characterisation of Materials (ACM).Advanced Characterisation of Materials is fundamental to the development of new products and new... Pages1 2 3 next › last » TeachingTeaching: This academic year I am teaching the undergraduate course ELEC1011: Circuit Analysis & Synthesis I. I have previously taught the undergraduate course Solid State Physics (PHYS3080) and postgraduate course Advanced Semiconductor Devices (ELEC9501) at University of New South Wales, Australia. I have also developed new undergraduate laboratory experiments i.e. Studying the kinetics of graphite oxidation using a STM - An undergraduate laboratory experiment, N.J. Curson, et al., European Journal of Physics, 20 453 (1999). Print


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April 27, 2012
Meagan Noelle
Washington, DC's Nightlife Will Explode This Weekend at Ibiza Nightclub with Marsha Ambrosius
Washington, DC (April 27, 2012) - A&R Promotions in conjunction with Norman Harvey, founder of, I Am The Party Social Events, will bring a night of entertainment hosted by 93.9 WKYS' DJ Quicksilva with Marsha Ambrosius, performing live at Ibiza Nightclub on Sunday, April 29, 2012. Located at 1222 1st St. NE, Washington, DC, Ibiza will open its doors at 7:00pm. Ambrosius will follow performances by Grammy nominated Soul Garage band, Black Alley and all-star musician band, Familiar Faces.
"Norman and I are honored to provide our city with such wonderful talent," says A&R Promotions."
In addition to entertainment, the two powerhouse promoter's goal is to provide a platform for professionals in the Washington Metropolitan area to engage and network in a quality atmosphere, while enjoying A-list performances in first-class venues.
A&R Promotions and I Am The Party Social Events are no strangers to providing Washington, DC with quality performances and entertainment. The Day Dream Day Parties, with celebrity participants, Taraji P. Henson, Doug E. Fresh, Chuck Brown and Kindred & The Family Soul, along with the upcoming Annual Pink & White Party at The Gaylord National Harbor, with R&B sensation, Melanie Fiona and Neo Soul Artist, Dwele are just a few projects under their belt.
"Bringing Marsha Ambrosius to Washington, DC in collaboration with our magnificent local talent is my most esteemed event yet. I look forward to bringing quality events to the city as we continue to party with a purpose," stated Norman Harvey.
Advanced tickets are being sold at www.MarshaAtIbiza.Eventbrite.com, and at your local P.G. County, Maryland and Washington, DC DTLR locations. Tickets will be sold at the door. For table reservations, please contact Shawn at 202-487-5979.
For additional information on the event, please visit www.IbizaDC.com.
Follow A&R Promotions & I Am The Party


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|RIT Scholars content from RIT Digital Media Library has moved from http://ritdml.rit.edu/handle/1850/3212 to RIT Scholar Works http://scholarworks.rit.edu/other/218, please update your feeds & links!
|Analytical model of hyperspectral system performance
|Kerekes, John; Baum, Jerrold; Farrar, Kristine
|In support of hyperspectral sensor system design and parameter tradeoff investigations, an analytical end-to-end remote sensing system performance forecasting model is being developed. The model uses statistical descriptions of class reflectances in a scene and propagates them through the effects of the atmosphere, the sensor, and any processing transformations. A resultant system performance metric is then calculated based on these propagated statistics. The model divides a remote sensing system into three main components: the scene, the sensor, and the processing algorithms. Scene effects modeled include the solar illumination, atmospheric transmittance, shade effects, adjacency effects, and overcast clouds. Sensor effects modeled include the following radiometric noise sources: shot noise, thermal noise, detector readout noise, quantization noise, and relative calibration error. The processing component includes atmospheric compensation, various linear transformations, and a spectral matched filter used to obtain detection probabilities. This model has been developed for the HYDICE airborne imaging spectrometer covering the reflective solar spectral region from 0.4 to 2.5 rim. The paper presents the theory and operation of the model, as well as provides the results of validation studies comparing the model predictions to results obtained using HYDICE data. An example parameter trade study is also included to show the utility ofthe model for system design and operation applications.
|"Analytical model of hyperspectral system performance," Proceedings of Infrared Imaging Systems: Design, Modeling, and Testing X. International Society of Optical Engineers. Held at AeroSense in Orlando, Florida: 5-9 April 1999. Copyright 1999 Society of Photo-Optical Instrumentation Engineers. This paper was published in Proceedings of Infrared Imaging Systems: Design, Modeling, and Testing X, vol.3701 and is made available as an electronic reprint with permission of SPIE. One print or electronic copy may be made for personal use only. Systematic or multiple reproduction, distribution to multiple locations via electronic or other means, duplication of any material in this paper for a fee or for commercial purposes, or modification of the content of the paper are prohibited.
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Hi all,
I'm looking to get a present for someone who is mad into their photography. I know she has a Canon 500D, and only one lens, so I was thinking of getting her a new lens. The trouble is I know absolutely nothing about camera lenses! Would there be any lenses for €100 or less which would offer any improvement over the (standard?) lens she has already got?


text: Fan Photos from Deuce at The Machine Shop [PHOTOS] By Gerry Thomas December 12, 2012 10:07 AM Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Deuce rocked The Machine Shop Tuesday night with special guests New Medicine, Young Guns and Longreef! As always, Maggie Meadows and the Banana crew were in full force checking out the show! Check out all of our wonderful fan photos after the jump! Image of Filed Under: Deuce | The Machine Shop | Young Guns Category: Concerts | Newsletter | Photos | The Machine Shop Share on Facebook Share on Twitter More Leave a comment Send to a friend! Print this page Pin it! Reddit This! Share on Tumblr! Best of Banana 101.5 Recommended For You Best of the Web


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I plan on illuminating my jewel and eject button red... I was wondering what colors would look good with red illumination for the case? Suggestions would be great, pics would be greater. Only colors I can find pics of are blue =
Need Suggestions
Started by greenplastic , Jun 02 2003 11:03 PM
5 replies to this topic
Posted 02 June 2003 - 11:03 PM
Posted 02 June 2003 - 11:08 PM
Red/silver, red/black, red/white, red/orange....
Posted 02 June 2003 - 11:15 PM
Black X with red everthing else sounds really cool... thanks
you think i should even paint the X or just leave it black as it is?
you think i should even paint the X or just leave it black as it is?
Posted 02 June 2003 - 11:19 PM
Here are some pics. of my red and black box the tray has been painted and the grill is now cut.But here ya go My Box
Posted 03 June 2003 - 12:09 AM
yea i plan to do something like red x and face plate and everything else midnight black...and on top of the case, bottom part of the X put this
prob. separate the words per side
prob. separate the words per side
Edited by MeNaCe911, 03 June 2003 - 12:10 AM.
Posted 03 June 2003 - 12:13 AM
Black and red. Customized to look like a "Black Widow" with an engraved jewel to match.
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Here is a video of it
Here is a video of it
Thanks I was waiting for someone to post this
Mad props. The man is an ANIMAL.
Wow. Incredible ride! Thanks for the link.
Thanks for posting.
hahaha, pretty funny to hear him say how disconcerting it is to be passed uphill by the 50lb overweight guy with 5 cameras....
'97 Trek 830, '06 Scott Scale 70, '06 Cervelo Soloist,
'07 Cervelo R3, '13 Cervelo S2
You guys should check out the discussion going on in the roadie forum about this. Haters.


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|1. Redefine
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S.C.I.E.N.C.E. will always be the best album Incubus will ever make. Before they were heavily influenced by the likes of MTV and popular rock radio stations, Incubus was truly a... Read morePublished on June 30 2004
NO INCUBUS ALBUM WILL EVER TOP THIS ONE WHEN IT COMES TO CREATIVITY!!!!!!!! Frankly every album since Make Yourself sounded all the same or at least carried this familiar... Read morePublished on June 27 2004 by echelondecline
S.C.I.E.N.C.E .. yes - i heard Incubus on the radio, and thought their song writing and beats were okay, so i decided to buy their new CD - but by an accident i bought... Read morePublished on June 7 2004 by Lucas
Es el mejor disco de incubus. Lejos.
No tengo ganas de escribir asi que no escribo mas...
T.E. T.E.N.E.S. Q.U.E. C.O.M.P.R.A.R. E.L. Read more
I've listened to all the Incubus CD's except Fungus Amongus, and I think it's the best one of theirs, definately beats their new CD (A Crow Left of a Murder)Published on April 13 2004
This is true Incubus. This was when performing at raves with glowsticks was Incubus's speciality. This was when Branden Boyd used to headbang so hard that the sweat from his nappy,... Read morePublished on April 8 2004 by Darius Jackson
Incubus' best album. It is indeed heavier than their others but is equally as melodic and musically intelligent. Read morePublished on March 23 2004 by Jeremy S.
1 7/10
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4 10/10
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6 9/10
7 9/10
8 9/10
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This CD is not for everybody, I will admit that. It kind of gives off an old Red Hot Chilli Peppers feel and they also use their DJ so much more in this album. Read morePublished on March 8 2004 by Mike


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Translation of Home Page into several languages - Catalan; German; Spanish Castellano. You can bid for one or more languages, but only bid if you are truly proficient.
An awareness and understanding of on page Search Engine Optimisation and the use of Keywords and phrases.
Translation of the words and sense behind them to convey our message. A technically correct or literal translation of the words is not sufficient. Native language translators should have the ability to 'localise' the message, as though one person was speaking to another.
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The regional voices in these 11 interrelated, canny stories are protean and riveting as they record the "strange business" of death and the fleetingness of life in the fictional town of Cedar, Okla. Opening with Native American recollections of bloody strife among whites and several Choctaw factions in 1892, debut author Askew titles each subsequent tale with a year from 1961 to 1986. The white settlers' descendants, young and old, are heard from. Little Cephus of "1964" covets a playmate's pet raccoon and dreams it has died. Self-conscious teenager Lyla Mae cringes on her awkward first date with a boy she met at Bible camp ("1967"); in "1968," she crawls from her window with her worldlier California cousin Nikki to drive with the town youths till dawn. In "1981," an old man speaks tenderly from beyond the grave about his wife's farewell at his funeral. Emerging gradually over three stories is the figure of D. H. DeWitt, first seen in "1968" as he roars through the streets in his pickup truck, egging Lyla Mae and Nikki to steal watermelons and landing in jail. A hung-over D. H. attends the funeral of a friend killed in Vietnam ("1970"), while "1983" sees a fatuous, lonely D.H., now a snake wrangler, toting his unpredictable pet into a bar to shock the patrons--with catastrophic results. In unfolding this fertile character especially, Askew reveals tantalizing novelistic potential.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Ten stories, all set in the small town of Cedar, Oklahoma, each titled by the year it is respectively are set in, make up Askew's debut volume. Local lore and town-consciousness bind some in the manner of ritual: the creepy misfit all the kids are afraid of; the local good-old-boy killed in Vietnam; the summer visit by a worldly cousin from California. Others are less usual: a woman shoots her long-nagging husband; an old man newly dead watches his own funeral; a pet raccoon turns feral at the moment a boy most identifies with the animal. But, together, the stories allow only a muzzy impression of Askew's tale-telling: the style-changes hinder clear view. One story is superb, though, and does give evidence of the talent the others dilute. In ``1967,'' a young Cedar girl, Lyla Mae, goes out on a date--her first--with a boy from another town. Too young to drive himself, the boy picks her up in a truck captained by his obese uncle and the uncle's girlfriend. All four drive miles, to a baseball game in the boy's hometown, a game that Lyla Mae sits through as though through purgatory: strangenesses pile onto each other with every minute, along with the terrible knowledge that you can like someone but not like his or her life. The story has physical immediacy and a sense of wonderful/terrible apprehension, and is by the far the best thing here. A middling first collection, then, with one marvelous exception. -- Copyright ©1992, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.See all Product Description
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This is a beautiful Vienna Bronze figure modelled and cast as a running roebuck. The figure is extremely fine crafted with beautiful facial expression and movement.The animal is standing on a Bronze base depicting the ground of a forest . It has a signature which is unreadable. The Bronze figure is in perfect condition and dated at the early 20th century.
Length: 3.9"(100mm) Width: 2"(50mm) Height: 4.7"( 120mm)
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High quality Micro Mosaics, Silver, Paintings and Decorative Art
Objects bought with love and treasured for a life time!


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Summers of Fear
by Robert Benedetti
Via UNLV Website
More and more children were dying in the polio epidemics of the 1950's. Jonas Salk worked night and day to create an effective vaccine using a method that defied conventional wisdom, and it was delivered to millions by the March of Dimes, the largest peacetime mobilization in American history. By 1953 the Salk vaccine had reduced polio deaths by 80%, but the storm of controversy it caused left Salk's reputation in tatters. This new original play chronicles a thrilling episode of American medical history that touched many of you directly.
When: Saturday, March 12, 2011
Where: Judy Bayley Theatre, 4505 Maryland Pkwy., Las Vegas
Cost: Free - $30
Age limit: All ages
Categories: Performance art, UNLV, Theater
Related links:
- UNLV Event Guide (Feb. 3, 2011)
Event posted Feb. 3, 2011
Last updated Feb. 3, 2011
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Digital annual reports rock! Why don't more nonprofits use them?
Even though we work in an increasingly digital world, the typical annual report is still created as a print document that is mailed out to donors and other constituents – a process that comes with substantial costs for printing and shipping. Today's digital tools can help curtail these costs, while also providing access to important storytelling tools most organizations are already using in other communications.Read More


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Brittany, my fiancée, calls the rat that scurries through our apartment a mouse, and that's why she's in denial. I told her that too, but not explicitly. "Brittany, De Nile in not just a river in Africa."
"The Nile River is in Egypt, not Africa."
"You're right honey." And that's all I said because we've been going to couples counseling, and I'm tired of getting in trouble there.
The Ackerman Institute for the Family, according to their website, is a premier institution for family therapy and one of the most highly regarded training facilities for family therapists in the United States. Phyllis is an Ackerman Institute trainee, and she was our counselor for the several weeks we attended couples counseling last year, until I put an end to that shit.
"How does that make you feeeeel Brittany?" asks Phyllis, annunciating "feel" like she's Sigmund's sister, Phyllis Freud, as if doing so will evoke Brittany's inner-most emotions, making Phyllis New York City's next famous therapist.
"Brittany, can you talk about how John's actions make you feeeeel?"
What about me, I think. What about how I feeeeel?
But I don't say a word. I learned it's best to keep my mouth shut, especially after Phyllis said The Team has some suggestions for me.
The Team is a small group of conniving therapists and their judgmental students who sit behind a two-way mirror, watching our sessions and intermittently offering suggestions, but never to our faces. They tell Phyllis in secret meetings that take place after our weekly sessions.
On our first appointment, I described my trouble falling asleep at night, while Phyllis took notes. The next week she reported that The Team thought I might have a sleeping disorder and suggested I seek professional help.
"Well I don't like suggestions, and now I don't like couples counseling," I responded.
"Then you must really love Brittany to keep coming here."
Nice one Phyllis, I thought as Brittany smirked, saying with her look I told you she was smart.
I only agreed to couples counseling because Brittany and I desperately needed to get along better. For me, pain, especially the kind that relationships can produce, is a catalyst to compliance. In one moment, I'm not concerned with growing my relationship, yet after a huge fight, I'm willing to do anything to maintain peace.
Phyllis doesn't look like a Phyllis. She's young, maybe 25, thin, with curly brown hair, the kind that will fall out at age forty.
I have a suggestion for you, I think to myself as she and Brittany continue to talk about feeeeelings. Add a little more iron and vitamin B to your diet, Phyllis. It will help with the female pattern baldness with which eventually you will be plagued.
Brittany and I first met The Team on our third or fourth session—I can't recall with certainty now, the memories blending together like the stinky contents of a toilet bowl.
I remember it was a Tuesday, though, because our appointments were always on Tuesdays, always at 8am, too early for peaceful and harmonious counseling sessions, if there were such a thing.
Through the doors of the Ackerman Institute, which is located near Union Square in Lower Manhattan, Urlin, a dark skinned woman from Antigua greeted us.
"Ya'all are here lata today," she says with her warm personality.
"Yes, we are meeting The Team," says Brittany.
Plain white walls with light fluorescent pillars, contemporary chandeliers in rectangular shapes, straight lines, and dividing patterns, the Ackerman Institute is housed within an upscale building, modern and newly decorated. Its style evokes a sense of achievement and also control. White bookshelves from IKEA contain two small boxes of toys and children's books, neatly organized, Raggedy Ann and the Daffy Taffy Pull on the coffee table.
Christmas is coming, and I admire the tiny poinsettia plants decorating Urlin's desk, yellow spots with gold glitter somehow on their green leaves, adding more color to the space.
"They be from Trader Joes," says Urlin, recognizing my interest in them.
"Ahh, we've never shopped there," I respond.
Today Phyllis leads us to her office, exuding a sense of excitement. "Well are you happy to meet The Team?" she asks.
"Oh yes," we respond, me lying, although I am eager to see the sneaky rats finally come out for some cheese.
We met the team that day, and the experience was quite different than I expected. A telephone was attached to the wall, and a few minutes into the session, it rang. The Team's leader, Sharon, a female psychotherapist was on the line. She asked Phyllis to find out whether we would mind if she participated directly with our session. We agreed, and she came into the office, sat next to Phyllis, and offered praise for our continued hard work, acknowledging that couples counseling is challenging. Attractive and in her 40's with brown hair, dressed in professional business attire, Sharon focused on the positives of our relationship, never asking how we feeeeel, which made me feeeeel happy.
Amazingly, later in the hour Phyllis, Brittany, and I changed places with The Team, leaving the room and taking our seats behind the two-way mirror. From a dimly lit, adjacent office, we witnessed The Team's session, each member taking his or her turn describing how Brittany and I have improved over the last several weeks and offering ideas for enhancing our relationship.
The experience was enjoyable, and if I'm honest, I have to admit that I appreciated switching sides because doing so gave me the power. Normally The Team was outside of my reach—my control—and that fact made me feeeeel powerless. But in the end, I had the power.
A couple of weeks later, I phoned Phyllis and left her a voicemail.
"Hello Phyllis. This is John Strasser. I'm sorry but I can no longer participate in couples counseling. It's too hard for me. Anytime I mistreat Brittany or we get into a fight, I obsess all week about what will happen in our next session because of it. I cannot continue. I just can't. I'm sorry."
I loved ending with a message, leaving Phyllis no opportunity for rebuttal—no chance to tell me how she feeeeels.
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Missing Darryl
Darryl Fleming is one of those people that you're embarrassed to be around, but when apart, you miss him. It's the way he talks, I think… "Now ain't that some real deal play boy bull shit. Dikkie dow and suckie sow, my peoples."
This is how Darryl speaks to me. The funny part is that I understand exactly what he's saying. In this example, he's responding to me not calling him for a while, which he attributes to me thinking I'm better than everyone else. According to Darryl, I think humankind should "dickie dow and suckie sow."
But I don't feel that way, and actually I go out of my way to keep in touch with old friends, especially friends like Darryl. Just because I live in New York City now doesn't mean that I think I'm better than anyone. That's what I try to explain to Darryl over the phone.
"Don't give me your dickie dow, suckie sow shit. I called you. I called you twice."
"You too busy pickin up Chinese or Indian women or half chink Indian womens. All I got to say John is dickie dow my peoples. Suckie sow, yeaaaaaa."
"I got engaged Darryl. Remember? And she's American."
Darryl Fleming must be fifty-eight or fifty-nine now, and he looks like an ex-Southern California surfer turned construction worker, just beginning to dabble with methamphetamine. He always wears those light brown imitation suede steel toe boots, but he doesn't do construction. Usually he fixes cars, or paints houses, or whatever you might need him to do for cash. Darryl's a happy guy, and in between puffs on his filtered Camels, he makes jokes, laughing and showing off his beautiful teeth he takes great care off, soaking them in denture cleaner each night.
"So on the blood raw, I heard in the past you got moneys. Help a brother out. Talking to you makes my penis get soft."
"You should do something about that."
"You are the bomb bitch hole my nigger. I was gonna masturbate till you called."
"It's always a pleasure, Darryl."
"You dick jacking killer, actin like you're listening."
"I am listening."
"You been hanging with those half chinkie chink womens. Have you done a camel yet? Them two humps remind me of titties. Do some camels have one hump? One tittie equal a mastectomy, unless she was one of those womens born with one tittie, or they so big and droopy it looks like one big mass of tittie. Now for real, John, come on nigger, don't try to tell me you ain't got me."
"I'm in school. I don't even have a job."
There's actually a formula to Darryl's language. Typically the first words he spits out express his true feelings. The middle of what he says doesn't make any sense, but act as a sort of nonsense buffer, allowing Darryl to gather his thoughts and express what he is truly trying to say in the final portion of his comment. The ending expresses his real motivation and in a "blood raw" kind of way, usually in the form of a question.
"Don't tell me that bull junkie. While you're at it, suckie sow, and send me some of them good pictures of your wife. I want to see her dickie dow and suckie sow, nigger! What, you quit being a shoe mechanic?"
"Yeah. I don't work there anymore. I live in New York. It's shoe repair."
"Negro please. You apple cobbler, cobbling, sword swallowing mofo. You never even fixed my boots. On the blood raw, can I ship them to you?"
"No way."
"What you think because you fucked the Statue of Liberty Lady I won't play you like a champ?"
"I have missed you, Darryl. I sure have."
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The Betrayal
I've spent more money and more time on her than I ever imagined I would. I've given myself, I guess, and now I'm angry. We've been together nearly two years, and now this. I never saw it coming. I simply could not have imagined she would betray me this way.
I remember the day we met. It was as if she smiled instantly, her beautiful eyes, deep grey, staring into mine. I recall our first night together, her thin, long body spread out across my bed as I rubbed her back and caressed her feet. We shared a deep sense of connection right away.
I had grown up around her kind, actually, so I was used to that level of affection early in the relationship. It felt so right, but it turned out to be so wrong.
We spent almost every night together after that. We would fall asleep together watching TV – she didn't care what was on.
Every once in a while I would make her something special for dinner. "Forget the canned stuff," I would announce from the kitchen, "it's Salmon tonight!"
And now I've been betrayed.
Coming home, I found Doll-face hiding behind the toilet, my sectional couch with extended chaise lounge—the one I bought at the Rooms To Go outlet, ruined, covered in cat piss.
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I Know His Name Was David
Horace Grant wore Reebok Omni Zone Pumps throughout the 1992 NBA playoffs when his team, the Chicago Bulls, won their second consecutive championship against Clyde Drexler and the Portland Trail Blazers.
Omni Zone's – stadium black upper build, shiny leather with white accents and the basketball-orange pump, those kicks were bad.
That same year for the Bulls, Michael Jordan won the MVP award, his second in a row, wearing his Nike Air Jordan 7's and averaging 52% from the field. But Horace Grant's field goal percentage that season—nearly 58—was higher than Jordan's. It must have been the shoes.
On the Sunday in mid-June when the Bulls celebrated their championship at home, I had just completed my junior year of high school. Back then I had a lot of friends, which was no small accomplishment after transferring to the large public high school in Tampa from a smaller, all-boys private school. But not everyone was so fortunate.
I remember his name was David. He attended my high school, and I occasionally saw him on Sunday nights at Incarnation Catholic Church as well, where I went to youth group meetings for the grace of God and for the pretty girls.
In my imagination, David wears Reebok Omni Zone Pumps, but the white pair with blue trim, sleek and clean. His high-tops, size 11, make his extremely thin calves and short legs appear larger, more normal-sized. Our classmates don't see anything strange about David's mangled left arm, the way it twists and hangs downward as he hobbles through the school. I envision him jumping, his feet fast as he drives the lane, a head fake, scoring another basket during an after-school pickup game.
But in reality, I remember seeing him early in the mornings, standing alone near a row of lockers and waiting for first period to begin, his generic sneakers old and dirty. David's short stature, maybe 5'5", accentuated his bright, welcoming eyes, inviting me to be his friend whenever we made eye contact. I just smiled though and continued walking. Unlike David, I never had to experience a sense of isolation among a high school with seventeen hundred students.
In my imagination, I invite David to eat lunch at my table, round with 8 chairs, 8 friends laughing over stories of girls and trading food. "I got a piece of pizza for a peanut butter bar," Dan announces, his favorite dessert giving him energy for soccer practice he says. I see my buddies accepting David, not judging him for his acne scars or disheveled hair or stuttering speech. When he talks, we patiently wait for the words to come out.
But in reality, I remember David eating at the table near the exit to the lunch line, the cafeteria lights shining brightly overhead and illuminating a tack board with silly construction paper cutouts, which reminded us to wash our hands. David ate slowly, concentrating on each bite, hoping to go unnoticed I suspected, as I watched from afar, amid the good times at my table.
In my imagination, when the big sophomore bully who plays on the junior varsity football team pushes David in the hallway that one day, I do something about it. I workout almost everyday, and work even harder to make others think I'm tough, that I can fight. So it would be easy for me to standup for someone.
But in reality, I remember doing nothing, saying not a word as the bully pushed David, his left leg, the shorter of the two, barely keeping him from falling as he tried to keep balance. "Say something retard," the bully demanded, while I paused for a moment, looking on with fear before quickly cutting toward the men's room in my Reebok Omni Zone Pumps.
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Holi: Hindu Festival of Colors and Chaos
The newspaper collector boy is riding a three-wheel bicycle with an attached wooden cart, containing the day's proceeds of recycled papers. His cream-colored dress shirt is partially red, stained with liquid dye and colored powder. The boy's pushbike is timeworn, probably rebuilt numerous times, its patched tires attached to a thin metal frame covered in dust. He shouts words in Hindi while intensely pedaling through the unusually empty street.
The boy approaches, and we wait for him.
He is watching for people like us, yet Brittany and I are high above, hiding behind a ledge on the third floor of a New Delhi flat, overlooking the street. In the distance, I can see the tips of the Lotus Temple, the magnificent house of worship of the Baha'i religion, exemplifying the religious diversity embedded within the fabric of Indian society. The celebration of today's sacred Hindu holiday, however, feels anything but religious.
Mostly it feels fantastic; the childlike jubilation the festival creates is contagious, steadily rousing our own emotions and infecting the property's servants standing by with anticipation.
"Get him, get him," Brittany says as she hands me more water balloons filled with purple dye, urging me to pummel the young Indian.
Back then when we lived in India during the spring of 2012, we didn't understand the meaning behind Holi. But just like holidays in America, one doesn't need to comprehend the tradition in order to participate and have fun.
Holi is many things. It is a celebration of the coming of spring, a time of fertility, love, renewal, and rejuvenation of the land. In India, it is harvest time, not just the fruit of the crops, but of human passions as well. Among the celebrants, there is a tremendous sense of excitement and also forgiveness, as partakers let go of grudges and attempt to begin the new season in a friendly atmosphere.
The word "Holi" takes its name from Holika, the demoness and sister of an evil King who wished to kill his son Prahlada because of the boy's devotion to Lord Vishnu. Believing she was fireproof, Holika took her nephew Prahlada into the fire, but instead she perished and Prahlada survived. Holi, therefore, begins with a bonfire, which symbolizes the end of Holika and the triumph of good over evil. The fire, in a ritual context, purifies the past evil, and out of its ashes arises a new hope for the coming year.
In addition, Holi functions as a New Years holiday. While New Years in America consists of people drinking to celebrate the end of the previous year, similarly in the case of Holi, there is a process of commemorating the disintegration of time—letting go of the past year and marking it with ritual through another form of debauchery.
Following the burning of Holika, participants play Holi by throwing colored liquids and powders at each other. Thus, the elaborate celebration of disorder is known as the festival of colors. This tradition of color play is associated with the Hindu deity Krishna, the first to play Holi with his lover Radha and the other cow herding girls in the Braj region of India.
In the Hindu tradition, then, even God makes time to play. Through his spirited antics, Krishna pushes the customary standards of behavior aside while revealing the universality of Divine love. Holi as follows is a time when strict conventions of society are turned upside-down, and devotees are reminded of the presence of God here on earth, playing in the way Krishna once played.
Holi is also the one occasion each year when the unity embodied in the performed rituals transcends caste, gender, and age, as all are welcome to participate and playfully demonstrate the equality of God's love.
The rioted day of color play concludes with peacefulness and unity, participants embracing one another in rejuvenation and reconciliation and people drenched in color attempting to get clean before gathering with their families that night.
Two years ago, we didn't need to get clean because we didn't play fair, which I realized yesterday during the Holi parade and celebration here in New York City—our entire faces covered in color, ears caked with purple and pink powders, red and purple snot in our noses.
Positioning ourselves on our New Delhi balcony, we were out of reach, beyond retaliation, the only stains from filling our own water balloons.
"You're next," Brittany shouts at two youths walking below. She's a different person. For the controlled chaos that is Holi has corrupted her, corrupted us both actually. Pointing at them with her index finger, Brittany uses it like a scope, aiming in on our next target, as I throw more balloons at their heads.
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Intensive Caring
I remember the seventeen days my mother spent in the intensive care unit and my mother is lying in bed in a coma and she is wearing a hospital gown with a floral print of sky blue, tiny green flowers, and white trim around its edges and my mother's lips are in the shape of a kiss, parched and cracking, wrapped around a clear rubber tube and the tube is connected to a machine and it goes beep, beep, beep.
And I remember she has mucus caked around the edge of her nose and on the inside, stuck to her tiny nose hairs and she breathes easier than I have ever seen, a ventilator doing most of the work and it makes a mechanical sound like a sci-fi robot breathing deeply yet falsely and as I sit close to her bed next to her unconscious body in the room alone together the machine's rhythm calms me.
And I remember the blanket, too thin and small because she gets cold easily, is twisted over her leg and let me straighten that out for you mom and are you thirsty mom you must be thirsty and can I gently rub your lips with ice and this is what I do for you mom and this is my job during the intensive caring times.
And I remember my mother's hands are cold and dry and she needs moisturizer, Aloe Vera her preference, and I rub some into her hands and be careful of the IV and I wonder what is in those bags dangling from a thin metal pole, dripping clear liquids into her veins and she's allergic to penicillin, you know, she must know, the nurse discreetly working outside the door.
And I remember the room is tiny compared to the others in the hospital and my mother has been here before and she has been in many different hospitals in the Tampa Bay area and she likes this hospital the best and they have the nicest nurses she would say and they only put one patient in each room and they have room service and they don't mind if you order extra dessert.
And I remember the intensive care has strict visiting hours and the Christian lady comes to the waiting room and brings crackers and cheese and offers me pamphlets and prayers and would you like me to pray with you and I say sure and she holds my hands and she says heavenly father let us pray and I can't pray because I'm too scared and I can still taste last night's whiskey in my throat, fuming from my empty stomach.
And I remember eating the packets of crackers and cheese alone and waiting alone and there are magazines neatly arranged on the table and I like Yachting World and someday I'm going to buy a sailboat and my mother loves the ocean and she lived in Bermuda as a child, you know, and we went there together and she took me to the school she attended and I want to go back with her someday.
And I remember Christmas morning at my mother's house and Santa does not come and there is no tree and there are no presents and I am alone and Santa all I want is for my mother to get better and all I want is a drink and my mother's liquor cabinet is nearly empty and she's going to be furious when she gets home and God please bring her home.
And I remember the new year is soon and I check my voice mail and dude what are you doing for New Year's Eve and 2006 is going to be great and I haven't told many people that my mom is sick and I'm all she has left and she is all I have left and it's 4:53 in the morning and the phone rings and I erupt out of bed and grab the phone in an instant but it feels like hours, everything moving in slow motion, and now I'm all I have left.
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My Family Stole From McDonald's—A Children's Story
"McDonald's serves millions. They can afford to give a freakin' transvestite mom a free meal," my Daddy tells my Mommy.
It's Mother's Day in May of 1985, and I'm 9 years old. I love Mother's Day because we always go to the beach. Along the way, we stop at McDonald's for the free meal they give moms on their special day.
Usually we stop at 4 of them, only ordering the free meal each time. It's my Daddy's idea.
My Daddy was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, and he has dark hair, bright blue eyes, big muscles, and a big belly. He also has a tattoo on his right arm, but my mommy doesn't like it.
"That tattoo is embarrassing, Jack. Please keep it covered in public."
My Daddy doesn't listen to her much, and when she's not home, he shows me his tattoo—a smiling devil, dark blue and faded, with his name underneath. He got it in Juarez, Mexico in the 60's. I want to go there someday.
This Mother's Day is different because my Daddy is wearing my Mommy's clothes—a big blue dress and her bra stuffed with socks. He also has her makeup on.
My best friend Matthew Newton spent the night, and he's coming to the beach with us today.
This morning after we grabbed our flip-flops, beach towels, and a football, my father came down the stairs and said, "This year McDonald's is giving us double free food!"
"Oh no, Jack. Please don't do this. Matthew's parents will never let him spend the night again."
"They'll be fine, Shirley. It's ain't like we're robbin' the place. McDonald's gives a free meal to every mom no matter what. They're not going to say nothing. You think they want a law suit on their hands?"
My Daddy always talks about suing people. He always talks about his childhood, too.
"When I was kid, a chocolate bar was five cents and you could get a freakin' burger for fifteen. McDonald's can afford to give away a little extra once in a while, huh."
My Daddy always says "huh." It means he wants us to tell him that he is right. But my Mommy never does.
We eat fast food all the time.
I went on my first real diet last year so that I could play football. I had to lose fifteen pounds to make the 110 pound cutoff to play with the fourth and fifth graders. I was in third grade.
I'm still pretty good at sports. On my soccer team, they called me Big Foot because I could kick the ball really hard and really far.
The sun is shining today as we pull into McDonald's.
On days like this, my Daddy says, "Blue skies above and thank God no blue lights behind."
My Daddy's been to prison, and he tells me stories all the time. My Mommy doesn't like that.
"Do not tell him those stories, Jack."
The drive-thru line is long. My Daddy lights his Marlboro while we wait. I'm used to the smoke, but Matthew isn't. He asks my Mommy to roll her window down more.
Finally it's our turn so my Daddy wearing my Mommy's heels says, "We only want the free meals for Mother's Day—we got two mothas in the car."
"Give us two Egg McMuffins, two hash browns, and two large orange juices."
"This is wrong Jack."
"Forget about it, Jesus will forgive me."
"He might, but when your son follows in your footsteps, will you be able to forgive yourself?"
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The $4,000 Indian Aortic Valve
"How much does a new aortic valve cost?" I ask the doctor, her clean white coat like the white curtains separating my bed from the others in the crowded examination room.
"Two hundred thousand rupees."
"Wow that's cheap. That's like four thousand dollars! I can't believe it. In America an aortic valve would cost at least fifty thousand. That includes installation, right?"
Delhi's National Heart Institute is a modern building with polished marble floors and a contemporary reception desk out in the open, receptionists seated behind, ready to deal with patients. A flat screen TV plays in a small waiting area, while women dressed in traditional Indian clothing and men, a few wearing colored turbans, crowd the whicker couches, several talking on cell phones.
It was 2012, and I was studying world religions in New Delhi, India for college credit. Four years earlier, I contracted viral pericarditis, an illness that causes the sack around the heart to become enflamed. Through two surgeries to drain the fluid from my enflamed heart sack, I spent a month in the hospital. During the related echocardiograms—sonograms of the heart—the doctors noticed that I had a congenital heart condition. My aortic valve contains only two leaflets while normal valves have three. Not a big deal but eventually could require replacement.
In India, I became friends with Jasvir, an extremely kind and spiritual man. Jasvir is a member of the Sikh tradition, and he became my spiritual advisor of sorts. Since medical care is extremely inexpensive in India, I wanted to have an echocardiogram done—it had been a couple of years—so I called Jasvir to ask for help.
"John, I'm so glad to hear from you. You tell me, how is Brittany? How nice to hear from you, man."
Jasvir is my height, around 5'11" with a long, tan face and a short beard, gray hairs speckled throughout. He dresses well: usually a long-sleeve button-up shirt neatly tucked into khaki trousers with a jet-black turban, skillfully tied, accentuating his warm smile and hazel eyes.
"I can help you with this John. No problem my friend. You can easily go for an echocardiogram. Let me see, do you have a piece of paper?"
"Write my full name down on the paper. Write my phone number."
"All I have is a copy of my research paper. Can I write on the back of one of its pages?"
"Yes, that's fine. With my name and phone number, write 'echocardiogram' and take that with you to the clinic. If they ask for a referral, show it to them."
Jasvir is a retired medical doctor, so he fully understands how the medical system in India works.
"And John, don't forget to spend time in the sun. You should get plenty of sun. It elevates your mood, gives you vitamin D, and that makes your bones stronger. The sun liberates the chemicals in your brain, John. Plus you feel the warmth and its energy… and the sun will remind you of God."
"Thank you so much Jasvir. I love it."
I write the mock prescription on the back of the bibliography page of my research paper and the next day, go to the clinic.
Looking back, I didn't think the paper would work, but having something to show them made me feel better. I suppose that's why Jasvir had me fill it out.
It was hot that morning, the sun beating down as the rickshaw travels slowly through traffic.
Hustling inside the clinic to feel the relief from the air-conditioning, I cool off for a moment, my black Indian kurta soaked with sweat along the back.
I step through a small crowd gathered around the Heart Institute's reception area to the counter.
"I'm here to have an echocardiogram," I tell the receptionist, as a patient dressed in a grey suit and dusty black dress shoes stands to my right.
"Two thousand rupees."
"What? I'm not paying first. No way."
The man shrugs his shoulders as if to say oh well.
"I'm not paying first. I don't want to pay first. Well then let me see the machine."
At that point, after constantly haggling with rickshaw drivers over rates, negotiating with vendors at the markets, and even telling a doctor a thousand rupees is too expensive for an exam, I was accustomed to arguing.
The man won't budge and appears to care less about my business. Finally the gentleman to my right assures me that paying first is standard protocol. I hand the receptionist the two thousand rupees, and he immediately slides the cash into his shirt pocket! Annoyed, I want to question it, but I also want to have the procedure done.
During the echocardiogram, the doctor notices the abnormal valve. I was surprised that she found it so quickly since its initial discovery took American doctors several days.
In the midst of writing this, I phone Jasvir because I want to remember exactly what happened during my experience back then.
"John, people get scared by Indian medical facilities," he tells me, "but remember, there's a method to the madness. Medical care is far less expensive; it includes more personal contact, and it's more humanitarian."
He's right, and the medical system in India is entirely different than here—it's simple. Mostly there's greater immediacy to it, a sense of urgency, which equals better care. I never signed any kind of release form for the echocardiogram, and they never asked to see my bibliographic referral. To me, purchasing an Indian aortic valve is like shopping for Rolex watches here in Chinatown: we got whatever you need my friend.
We employ our Western lens of understanding to make judgments on others cultures, yet often our vision is blurred. While India's medical system appears less advanced, in reality, it is more progressive and also practical; and sometimes the simpler way is the most effective. They've even replaced the cash register with the shirt pocket, although I now wonder if that guy even worked there.
And medical surgeries are inclusive. When I asked the doctor if the aortic valve included installation, she laughed, saying, "Ha-ha sir. Yes it does."
"Well, let me think about it," I told her.
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My Father Was Like Philip Seymour Hoffman
Everything is fine and our family is fine and we are fine and that is a lie.
And in 8th grade my father is in a car accident and he is injured and he goes to the doctor and the doctor gives him pain medicine. And my father is a recovering heroin addict and a recovering alcoholic and my father doesn't tell the doctor and the prescription pain pills with the prescription heroin in them that he picked up at the pharmacy are too much for him.
And my father takes the pills as the doctor prescribes and he takes those pills more than they are prescribed and in a few days those pills are gone and my father needs more pills and my father finds more pills and he takes those pills as the dealer prescribes.
And in 8th grade my father has not consumed alcohol for 12 or 13 years and my father has not consumed alcohol for almost my entire life and I don't understand alcohol and drugs but I will soon learn more than I ever knew.
And in 8th grade my father needs more pills and my father cannot find more pills and he is desperate and on Christmas Eve he consumes alcohol and I have never seen him this way and he is drunk and I don't understand what is happening. And he is in the guest bedroom and I hear smashing sounds and my father is smashing everything in the room. And I am scared and I don't understand and my father is screaming and my mother is screaming and my father is smashing and I am scared and I don't understand.
And in 8th grade my father consumes alcohol and I visit him in rehabs and he does not drink for a while and then he drinks and he takes painkillers. And I don't understand painkillers and then my father drives me to the Twistee Treat for ice-cream and he drives down Woodbridge Boulevard and he is nodding out and he is drifting across the lanes and the Twistee Treat is only one mile from our house and I am scared and I begin to understand painkillers.
And everything is fine and our family is fine and we are fine and that is a lie.
And in 9th grade my father consumes alcohol and I visit him in detox units and he does not drink for a while and he is taking painkillers the whole time.
And everything is fine and our family is fine and we are fine and that is a lie.
And in 10th grade my father consumes alcohol and I visit him in psychiatric units because things are getting worse for him and he does not drink for a while and then he drinks and he takes pain killers the whole time and I think he drinks when he can't find more pain killers because I understand addiction more now.
And everything is fine and our family is fine and we are fine and that is a lie.
And in 11th grade I leave the private high school and go to the public high school because my father is going to lose his job and he is going to lose his income and he is not going to be able to pay the tuition and I don't want to live in fear anymore.
And everything is fine and our family is fine and we are fine and that is a lie.
And in 12th grade my father consumes alcohol and I attend AA meetings with him and he does not drink for a while and then he drinks and he takes painkillers the whole time. And I am leaving for college soon and my mother is secretly saving money and she has a plan and she is getting herself prepared and I leave for college and my mother kicks my father out of the house and I don't know this is happening.
And everything is fine and our family is fine and we are fine and that is a lie.
And in my freshman year of college my father lives in a half-way house for recovering addicts and he isn't half-way and he isn't even close to half-way and I do not see my father because I am away and he is away.
And in my freshman year of college the phone rings and my roommate answers it and he comes and gets me when I am playing basketball outside. And he says your mom called and you need to call her back right away and I say thank you and he waits and he waits because he needs to bring me to the phone right away and now I am scared because I know it's bad.
And we walk back to the dorm in silence.
And my mother answers the phone and she says you need to sit down John are you sitting down and I sit down and I am crying and she is crying and now it is all over and I don't have to worry about him anymore and now I have to worry about my mom more. And I come home from college and we go to the half-way house where he wasn't even half-way and we see his room and his bed and we talk to the man who found him. And he is nice but he has been doing his job too long and he is used to death.
And everything is fine and our family is fine and we are fine and that is a lie.
And at the funeral people ask questions and we give answers and we can't believe my father's heart gave out and he had heart problems and we never saw it coming and at least he died at home.
And everything is fine and our family is fine and we are going to be fine and that is a lie.
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Hot Chocolate Cheesecake: Winter WonderfulChristy Landry | My Invisible Crown
Hot Chocolate Cheesecake makes an elegant dessert for your holiday party. Use your favorite flavored hot chocolate for a custom treat!
Hiya! I'm Christy from the blog My Invisible Crown It's so nice to meet you! :D I'm your new Cheesecake girl but you'll also see lots of pies and tarts, too. I'm a serious sugar addict so pretty much anything goes with me in regards to desserts. Over on MIC I share most everything that I cook for my family with my readers.
I try to choose foods that are in season so we can work with the freshest ingredients available at the time. I've even started compiling a monthly post that lists what's in season for each month. I enjoy making different foods that aren't difficult and I do my best to help my readers learn to customize recipes so that it's all their own. Come take a poke around and let me know what you find interesting?
I bet you didn't know that hot chocolate powder can be substituted for cocoa powder? You do have to be careful with the amount of sugar you use and adjust accordingly but it really is pretty cool. Most hot chocolate mix is just cocoa powder with sugar added, although some are flavored in a distinct way... that's when it gets fun!
I've been making baked goods using hot chocolate mix for a long time. Last year I shared this Hot Chocolate Pound Cake on my blog and it was a big hit so when I was thinking about what my first post for Food Fanatic would be it was almost a no-brainer.
This is such a different recipe I knew I had to share. It's also a recipe you can customize for your family. You see that's one of the things I focus on with My Invisible Crown. Sharing customizable recipes with my readers.
When I was a young cook I would look at a recipe and if it listed an ingredient that I didn't have or didn't like I would immediately discard it and move on. Now I know better and make sure that with every recipe I post on my site that I list substitutions that would work well. Now, that doesn't completely apply here since I'm not giving additional suggestions but I wanted to point out that you could use many different kinds of FLAVORED hot chocolate mix and make this Hot Chocolate Cheesecake all your own!
What flavor will YOU use? Caramel, marshmallow, raspberry or just plain old original? It's your recipe so knock yourself out!
Hot Chocolate Cheesecake Recipe
- 20 lemons oreo, or other chocolate wafer sandwich cookies
- 1 stick butter, divided and half melted plus more to grease pan
- 32 ounces cream cheese, 4 8 oz bars, room temperature
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 3/4 cup hot cocoa mix
- 4 eggs
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- 1 cup chocolate, mini
- 1 tablespoon light corn syrup
- 1/4 cup heavy cream
- pinch of salt
- miniature marshmallows, for topping, optional
- Preheat oven to 350°F.
- Brush springform pan using a pastry brush with softened butter and set aside.
- Place sandwich cookies in the bowl of a food processor and pulse until they become fine crumbs. Drizzle in 4 tablespoons butter and pulse a few more times to mix. Pour crumbs into springform pan and press along the bottom and up the sides of the pan to form a crust. Bake 10 minutes. Remove and allow to cool completely.
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, add cream cheese and beat until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes.
- Add sugar and continue beating another minute. Add hot chocolate powder and blend just until combined.
- With the mixer on low add eggs, one at a time beating only until the yellow disappears.
- Blend in vanilla and turn off mixer.
- In a medium microwave-safe bowl, add chocolate chips, remaining 4 tablespoons butter, corn syrup, cream and salt and microwave in 30 minute increments until smooth stirring after each.
- Once the chocolate ganache is nice and smooth add 4 tablespoons to the cream cheese batter and mix on low just until incorporated.
- Pour batter evenly into prepared crust, wrap springform pan on the bottom and up the sides with foil to prevent leakage and place in a baking dish with sides. Pour hot water into the baking dish so that it reaches half way up the sides of the springform pan and bake for 1 hour or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cheesecake comes out clean. Allow to cool on a wire rack.
- Using remaining chocolate ganache (reheat in the microwave for 30 seconds if needed) pour onto the top of the cheesecake in a circle leaving about an inch border all the way around.
- Garnish with tiny marshmallows if desired. May be served warm or chilled.
One quick note. I don't normally use corn syrup in my recipes but I wanted this chocolate ganache topping to be glossy in appearance and also to stay pliable and not get hard and this is how I decided to accomplish that.
Looking for more holiday treats? Don't miss Kristan's Reindeer Cupcakes recipe or Stephie's Peppermint Candy Cane Cookies recipe!
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I've made both raspberry and caramel versions of cheesecakes. Normally I layer caramel sauce or puree in between the batter. Pour half you batter in the pan and then a layer of whatever you choose in a smaller circle, leaving an inch along the edges and then top with the remaining batter. Hope this helps!!
Hi Steph! I used a 9 inch springform pan.
Do you remove the cream center of the oreos?
I did not remove the center of the oreo. It was super simple!!
Hi, I'm a 2nd year Pastry Arts college student and I love making cheesecakes. How do you suggest flavoring for raspberry or caramel? I love both.
I've made both raspberry and caramel versions of cheesecakes. Normally I layer caramel sauce or puree in between the batter. Pour half you batter in the pan and then a layer of whatever you choose in a smaller circle, leaving an inch along the edges and then top with the remaining batter. Hope this helps!!
Oh I think I might want to try this with the Jaque Torres Wicked hot chocolate mix! Yummy.
What size springform pan?
I use a 9 in ch spring form pan.
Welcome to Food Fanatic, Christy! This is one gorgeous cheesecake. I just love the marshmallows on top!


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Founders Wanted Obamacare?
Here's a good one. Rep. Nancy Pelosi, who told us all that the Obamacare law would have to be passed so we could learn what was in it, now says the Founding Fathers would have wanted the nation…
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BEIRUT, Lebanon - For weeks, Lebanon's army has watched from the sidelines. Now it may be part of a solution.
The Lebanese government proposed this week to send 15,000 troops into southern Lebanon - if Israel pulls its soldiers out. Aided by a strong multinational force, the Lebanese army would take control of the south from Hezbollah fighters and eliminate the threat they pose to Israel.
That's the idea, anyway.
But even if the Israelis agreed to withdraw, Hezbollah agreed to stop fighting, and the United Nations assembled a force willing and able to do the job, it's far from clear that the Lebanese army could keep Hezbollah's well-armed and trained guerrillas in check.
"It's not like we have a group of people that we simply can order to turn over their weapons," said Mohamed Shatah, a senior adviser to Lebanon's prime minister. "This is a party that was involved in a long liberation war."
While Iran and Syria have armed Hezbollah with rockets, artillery, modern anti-tank weapons and even a missile that damaged an Israeli warship, Lebanon's army is saddled with ancient military hardware, only 14 operating helicopters, a tiny $540 million annual budget and a long history of neglect. It does have a Web site: www.lebarmy.gov.lb.
The army is also divided - like the country itself - along sectarian lines. Shiite Muslims are the dominant group, with some 35 percent of the army's 43,000 troops. Sunni Muslims and Christians account for about 30 percent each, according to Lebanon's interior ministry.
But the army's commanding officers, including the chief of the army and its top intelligence officer, have long been and remain Christians.
Sending the Lebanese army to disarm Hezbollah, which draws its support primarily from the poor Shiite communities of Beirut's poor districts and the impoverished south, would threaten a return to the civil war that engulfed Lebanon from 1975 to 1990.
To avoid sectarian strife, Lebanese officials see the army's deployment as part of a larger political solution that Hezbollah embraces, including the pullout of Israeli forces, an exchange of prisoners and the resolution of border disputes.
Such a proposed deployment has tacit approval from Hezbollah's political wing, which has two representatives in the Lebanese Cabinet.
In Hezbollah's southern strongholds, however, the army is a nonentity. Only 1,000 military police - and no soldiers - are stationed south of the Litani River, the northern boundary of a buffer zone where Israeli officials have said they intend to remove Hezbollah.


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As an Oklahoma City native and mortgage-industry veteran, Perry Duncan is passionate about providing superior customer service. In his more than 30 years in the business, he still finds the most satisfying part of mortgage lending to be helping Oklahoma City area residents realize their dreams of homeownership.
Well-known in the industry, Perry is a member of the Oklahoma City Metropolitan Association of Realtors, Edmond Board of Realtors and the Mid-Del-Moore Board of Realtors. Perry was named the Affiliate of the Year by the Oklahoma City Metropolitan Association of Realtors in 2001 and 2009. He graduated from Oklahoma State University in 1971 with a bachelor's degree in personnel management. He served as the President of the Oklahoma Mortgage Bankers Association from 1994 to 1995.
Perry looks forward to working with you whether you are purchasing, refinancing or considering the purchase of an investment property. For superior customer service, call Perry today!
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Photos of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian Who Are Designing A Line for Bebe
The Kardashians Design a Line For Bebe — Exciting or Lame?
The Kardashians are everywhere these days and apparently they're still expanding. According to Life & Style, the Kardashian sisters are designing a line for Bebe. Kim says, "We have a line coming up that we've designed for Bebe. So that's what we're focusing on right now. Me, Kourtney and Khloé are designing for five seasons. We each have our signature pieces: Khloé has her collection, Kourtney has hers and I have mine. It's so exciting." The sisters, especially Kim, are known for their style but it seems like any celebrity can get a line these days. So what do you think about the Kardashians designing for Bebe — exciting or lame?
Kourtney Kardashian
Khloe Kardashian
Kim Kardashian
POPSUGAR, the #1 independent media and technology company for women. Where more than 75 million women go for original, inspirational content that feeds their passions and interests.


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djkajdkjeklej's Mom Answers Activity
djkajdkjeklej is a star in these topics:
Pregnancy > Pregnancy Pains & Discomforts (5 helpful answers)
Recent Activity | Asked | Answered
6 weeks and bloated???
Most recent answer (06/07/2015):
So far to me, it would appear as though it is normal. I am unsure as to how far along I am because I haven't been to the doctor yet-...posted by MrsChastain
showing at 15 weeks
Most recent answer (12/04/2011):
Im 15 weeks, active, very petite girl, 5'2 and 107 lbs. I was almost 120 at five weeks, then i lost it all. Now im not showing, and im...posted by SoreAngel
14 weeks pregnant. Is jumping rope safe?
Most recent answer (02/13/2008):
With my second child, I jumped rope the day before I gave birth. I think it depends upon the person. Right now, I am nine weeks pregnant ...posted by djkajdkjeklej


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President Obama's statement on Senegal elections
I congratulate Macky Sall on his victory in Senegal's presidential elections. Domestic and international observers report that the election was carried out transparently, freely and reflects the will of the Senegalese people.
I also recognize President Abdoulaye Wade for his leadership and friendship to the United States during his presidency. I look forward to building similarly productive ties with President-elect Sall, while deepening the longstanding bonds between the United States and the Senegalese people.
Senegal has, through this election, reaffirmed its tradition as a leading example of good governance and democracy at work in Africa and remains an example for its neighbors. The government and people of Senegal have once again demonstrated their commitment to political expression through peaceful, democratic elections, making it harder for non-democratic forces near and far to prevail.
Today's results deepen hopes across the continent and around the world that the quest for human dignity cannot be denied and that Africa's democratic wave must continue.
The United States looks forward to maintaining its strong partnership and close engagement with the people and government of Senegal to continue to strengthen democracy, peace, and prosperity in the region. ####
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Investor's Business Daily provides exclusive stock lists, investing data, stock market research, education and the latest financial and business news to help investors make more money in the stock market. All of IBD's products and features are based on the CAN SLIM® Investing System developed by IBD's Founder William J. O'Neil, who identified the seven common characteristics that winning stocks display before making huge price gains. Each letter of CAN SLIM represents one of those traits.


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OTC cGMP Audits
- Overview
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We conduct third-party over-the-counter (OTC) drug audits to current Good Manufacturing Practices (cGMPs). These audits can be used by retailers for their private label programs or as part of their overall supplier/vendor qualification and monitoring programs.
For more information about the NSF Pharma Biotech OTC Program, email email@example.com or call +1 857.277.0060.
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Meeting Your Auditing Needs
We appreciate the enormous breadth of knowledge that is required to conduct pharmaceutical audits. It is a job that requires a range of skills related to organization, report writing, vendor management and timekeeping. The auditor is also expected to know all about each dosage form, the CFRs and EudraLex, from clinical manufacture to distribution.
NSF's pharma audit staff has been in your shoes. We understand. We work with industry experts who have the appropriate range of skills and constantly seek to fit the right person to the job. In addition to providing a vast range of auditing capabilities, NSF can offer in-depth, IRCA-accredited auditor training from the experts on topics including:
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If you are already familiar with the subject matter, but want to explore, consider these topics:
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Daily Dose Digest - Week of November 16-20, 2015
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FDA Regulatory and Compliance News FDA ordered Custom Ultrasonics to recall all of its automated endoscope reprocessors (AERs) from health...
Daily Dose Digest - Week of November 9-13, 2015
- 3 weeks ago
FDA Regulatory and Compliance News FDA's Antimicrobial Drugs Advisory Committee (AMDAC) voted unanimously, 21-0, that the benefits and risks of...
NSF First to Earn ANSI Accreditation to Certify Manufacturers to Current GMP Standard
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ANN ARBOR, Mich. and ARLINGTON, Va. – NSF Health Sciences Certification, LLC (NSF), which provides testing, auditing, certification and training...
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Food & Drink
Sugar rush— Hokkaido
In a sweet market that is all about the tiny details, Royce' Confect, started in 1983, is now one of Japan's most beloved chocolatiers. It has charmed its way round Asia and now has its sights on Europe.
Japan is into chocolate in a different way to most of the world. Mars bars and Hershey's Kisses are here, but they are not really what the Japanese think of as chocolate. In the land where the gift for one's colleagues is a fundamental courtesy, the art of producing and presenting perfectly formed and packaged little sweets is way more important than grabbing a quick sugar rush on the run.
Japan's chocolate market is much smaller than Europe's (2006 per capita chocolate consumption was 2.2kg, whereas the British ate 10.3kg and the Danish 7.7kg per…


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Kaspersky Internet Security 2012
Kaspersky Internet Security 2012 : Parental Control Accounts You can enable and configure the parental control system separately for each Windows user account.
15 / 20
Bottom Line
The independent labs love Kaspersky's antivirus protection, but it fared poorly in PCMag's hands-on tests. Its firewall is impressive, and the Safe Run sandboxing feature protects the system from questionable files and Web sites, but the antispam and antiphishing features failed to impress. Choose this suite if its strong points align with your needs.


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Thailand's Pariya Junhasavasdikul survived a few nervous moments in the closing stages but held on to secure a second Asian Tour title with a one-stroke victory at the Selangor Masters in Malaysia on Sunday.
Pariya offset five birdies with four bogeys in his one-under-par 70 final round to finish on nine-under 275 for the tournament, held at the challenging Seri Selangor Golf Club.
India's Anirban Lahiri posted a closing three-under-par 68 to finish second while South Korea's Baek Seuk-hyun, who was leading at the 15th hole, shared third with Thailand's Namchok Tantipokhakul after a late collapse.
Pariya's maiden Asian Tour title came at the Taiwan Masters in 2010 and the 29-year-old Thai said the closing stretch of holes had tested his composure to the limit.
"I'm still shaking right now. I can't describe the feeling. Walking down the last three holes, there was tremendous pressure," Pariya told reporters.
As Lahiri waited in the clubhouse a shot behind him, the Thai found a moment of calm as he stood over his final putt.
"I didn't think about it too much. It was a downhill putt and all I had to do was to put a good stroke in. Luckily, I didn't feel any pressure then. I kept to the routine and got it over with," Pariya said after completing a wire-to-wire victory.
"It is difficult to convey exactly how much pressure you feel to lead by one shot from the first round to the last. Last night, I couldn't sleep. I started thinking what would happen if I won. And then it dawned on me that I hadn't won yet.
"I reminded myself that I still had to play 18 holes and it took the pressure off a bit."
Baek, who was in the final group with Pariya, slipped out of contention with a double bogey on the 16th and another dropped shot on the next.
"I got tired and felt under pressure from the 15th. I couldn't hit the ball properly," the Thailand-based Korean said.
Defending champion Thaworn Wiratchant of Thailand closed with his best round of the week, a one-under-par 70, but could only finish in a tie for 46th on eight-over for the tournament. (Reporting by Sudipto Ganguly in Mumbai; Editing by John O'Brien)
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A security camera... Oh and I'm also known as Camcord_04.
Posted by Cam4 on May 28th, 2011
Whats after 0.9? 0.10 of course!
1/3 of one is complete.
The thing is that I only get 4 hours per week to work on the map. Sometime even zero!
I will work on getting media done for tomorrow I promise!
One is basically a laser map featuring 2.5 times more catchers than lasers! Hard, not medium anymore, HARD


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View in a Room
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Art Description
Photography: Digital on Glass.
Size: 8 H x 11 W x 0 in
Inspired by Jamie Red's cover art and Fisher Price Little People.
Keywords: queen, royalty, toys, british, little people, fisher price little people, vintage toys, british flag, mustache


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Demi Moore steps out with new man?
Published 23/01/2013 | 09:15
Demi Moore is rumoured to have found love again.
The Ghost actress - whose seven-year marriage to Ashton Kutcher came to an end in 2011 - is dating restaurant entrepreneur Harry Morton, according to The New York Post's Page Six.
The pair were first linked after they were photographed outside a restaurant together a few days ago, and now Page Six reports that they were seen holding hands as they attended a show at a museum at the weekend.
Demi, 50, and Harry, 31, founder of the Pink Taco restaurant chain, have apparently known each other for several years but have recently grown closer.
The actress was married to Ashton from 2005 until 2011. She was previously married to Die Hard actor Bruce Willis and they had three daughters together.
Harry was once linked to Lindsay Lohan.
Press AssociationFollow @Independent_ie


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The World's Leading Drive Test Tool
Used extensively on many of the world's largest networks, the intuitive and flexible XCAL series of drive test tools are designed to troubleshoot, monitor, maintain and optimize wireless voice and data network performance - all in realtime. XCAL assesses QoS/QoE and ensures seamless service integration with existing GSM, WCDMA, HSPA, EVDO, WiMAX and LTE systems.
It supports all major wireless standards and technologies and is available in many licensable variations, for example: GSM, GPRS, EDGE, WCDMA, HSPA, CDMA 2000 1x, EVDO Rev.0, Rev.A, Rev.B, TD-SCDMA, DVD-H, Mobile WiMAX and LTE 4G (FDD, TDD).
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Use XCAL to
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I had to learn that the first devastating lesson was to learn to have the courage to face life.
The record-breaking heat, crippling worldwide droughts, and devastating fires of 2012 and floods were no coincidence, he said.
As the climate changes, devastating storms like Sandy will become more frequent.
The Bush privatization failure was devastating not only to his standing as president but as head of his own party.
In 2010 he claimed that a U.S. weapons test caused the devastating Haitian earthquake, which claimed some 230,000 lives.
They, under the lead of Vritra, were devastating the whole universe.
The plague was not in Bombay then, but it is devastating the city now.
The little garrison was saved, and, more important still, Natal was saved from a sweeping and devastating raid of savage warriors.
No one who had not seen it could imagine the devastating fury of that storm.
Never had she beheld or even conceived anything so utterly merciless and devastating.
1630s, perhaps a back-formation from devastation. Apparently not common until 19c.; earlier verb form devast is attested from 1530s, from Middle French devaster. Related: devastated; devastating.


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Comments Thread For: George Groves Eyes a Carl Froch Showdown For 2013
British/Commonwealth super middleweight champion George Groves wants an all-British showdown with former world champion Carl Froch in 2013. Groves defends his British title against Kenny Anderson at Wembley on 16th of March in a rematch of their 2010 bout, which Groves won via a stoppage.
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Who knows where Froch is going to be in 2013? He might lose to Bute next, and then he might lose to Kessler again. Or Cleverly. Or Ward again. Why call out a guy who might be 0-3 in his last three fights by the time you're ready to fight him?
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Froch's top dog in the Uk at the moment so he's going to get targeted by the guys coming through.
Cleverly and Groves want a piece and it's understandable. These fights can happen next year for both hopefully but they very much need to make a name for themselves and prove themselves first.
In the meantime - Froch will continue to look at the elite guys of the SMW division.
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Kilrain - he could lose them but he could win them all too.
Whilst I'm sure he'd like the fight next year, it's publicity for himself to call Froch out for next year regardless of what happens to Froch.
He's the main name in the UK even though he got dominated by Ward so the other up and coming guys are going to use his name.
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Chavez Jr. is eyeing Martinez in 2025
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