text:
"Sleigh bell's jinglin', ring ding dingalin' doo…c'mon, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you! Outside, the snow is falling and friends are calling you…c'mon, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you!"
- Leroy Anderson
(We start with Mayor Sarandon standing in front of the Mayor's office at night while the Hansbay High Choir, which includes Preston, Natasha and Kirsten, sings "Holy Night" on the steps leading up the Mayor's Office building. Principal Maxell and the theatre teacher are also standing nearby, as well as Evan Alexander)
CHOIR:Silent night! Holy night! All is calm all is bright Round yon virgin mother and child Holy infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace! Sleep in heavenly peace! Silent night! Holy night! Shepherds quake at the sight Glories stream from heaven afar! Heavenly hosts sing Hallelujah Christ the Savior is born! Christ the Savior is born! Silent night! Holy night! Son of God love's pure light Radiant beams from thy holy face With the dawn of redeeming grace, Jesus, Lord at thy birth, Jesus, Lord at thy birth.
(Everybody applauds as Mayor Sarandon walks up to a podium in front of the choir and lifts up the microphone)
MAYOR SARANDON: What a beautiful rendition ofSilent Night, my favorite Carrie Underwood original. Let's give it up one more time for the Hansbay High choir! (Everybody applauds on more time) Now, Christmas is a festive time of year where Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and even Mormons gather to celebrate the birth of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He was born 2,012 years ago in the town of Bethlehem in what is now Palestine and yet for whatever reason he was a Caucasian man. Since then every year we have celebrated the birth of Christ and His message of a life devoted to piety and free from vapid materialism and we do it by giving each other stuff. Stuff that many times we nearly kill each other over. It's quite beautiful, really. Anyway, we will now pray to God, the man, yes, the MAN who breathed life into the universe and into every single one of our souls. Bow your heads, please. (Everybody bows their heads. Cut to the crowd in front of the Mayor's office, which includes Ethan, Kimberly, Ryan, Jacob, Madeline, Michelle, Brennan, Michael, Sarah, Scott, Delaware, Brandon, their respective parents and many other familiar townspeople) Dear Lord, may you bless the town of Hansbay, Vermont during this heavenly time. May you bless every single soul contained within the borders of our town. I know you may be asked at this time to bless surrounding towns, but don't. Shelburne, Vermont is a dick. Lord, thank you for allowing the Patriots to win last night after that embarrassing loss against the San Francisco 49ers. Tell Tom Brady to stay pretty. In conclusion, we thank you for your divine light amongst the copious amount of darkness that has far too often lately impinged all of our lives. Thank you. (Everybody lifts their heads up, as does Mayor Sarandon) Merry Christmas, everybody!
(A man comes out of the crowd)
MAN: Not so fast, Doctor Sarandon!
MAYOR SARANDON: I'm not a super villain!
MAN: I'm from The Alliance of Vermont Atheists, and I believe that the nativity scene over there is a violation of the separation of church and state and we are going to fight tooth to nail, to have it taken down!
ETHAN: Are you serious?!
MAN: Quite, sir.
KIMBERLY: You know what? This man's right! This is a blatant endorsement of one religion over another by the City of Hansbay!
MAN: Thank you, ma'm.
ETHAN: Kimmy, are you serious? I mean, how petty is this?
MAN: I'm sorry?
ETHAN: Are you apologizing for how petty this is?
MAN: No, sorry, my name's Todd Petty.
ETHAN: That's an unfortunate last name for you.
TODD: Professor Sarandon, you and your cat will be pleasantly surprised when I wake a judge up out of bed and make him rule on this matter on or even before Christmas day so you can't have your precious Nativity Scene!
MAYOR SARANDON: Stop talking to me like I'm a super villain, also I don't have a cat to stroke evilly, okay? Listen, just because you don't like something doesn't mean it's not constitutionally allowed to be there.
ETHAN: You know what? This is ridiculous! I'm going to fight to keep that nativity scene up through Christmas!
EVAN: So am I!
AMY BLUMENTHAL: Me too! Me three!
ETHAN: Amy apparently wants to keep it up twice. Sarandon, you in?
MAYOR SARANDON: I have shit to do!
(Mayor Sarandon walks away suddenly)
ETHAN: …Alright, that was weird.
(Cut to Ryan, Scott, Sarah and Delaware talking after the ceremony)
RYAN: This promotional idea is going to own hard.
DELAWARE; It combines the fun of scaring children with…Christmas!
SCOTT: Plus we're promoting our songs, which you can purchase on iTunes for ninety-nine cents!
SARAH: I will be sure to purchase them all.
RYAN: She won't like them, but she'll damn sure buy them.
SARAH: I'll like them, I'll like them, I'll like them!
RYAN: Okay, calm down.
(Brennan walks over)
BRENNAN: Hey Ryan. What are you guys up to?
RYAN: It's Christmas Eve, so as a way to promote the songs our band just released on iTunes, we're going to terrorize the town dressed as Krampus.
BRENNAN: Krampus? Is that the demon that visits Sarah once a month?
SARAH: Gross.
RYAN: No, it's the Nordic legend of the demonic figure who follows Saint Nicholas around while he distributes presents. If Santa deems a Nordic boy as naughty, Krampus flogs them with branches and/or sticks! It's a way more badass tradition then wasting precious coal resources on sniveling little shits!
BRENNAN: What do you guys have in mind when it comes to terrorizing the town?
RYAN: Monte first off, spread a flier warning of Krampus and his numerous henchman terrorizing the town and also advertising our songs on iTunes. It's kind of like those ads on milk cartons for that band called "Missing".
SCOTT: I'm sorry, what?
RYAN: Yeah! It's like the lead singer is different every time, I mean come on, give me some consistency with my morning cereal!
BRENNAN: Anyway, can I join in your Krampus-tivities?
RYAN: Sure. We're all going to go to my house to suit up.
BRENNAN: Awesome, I'm coming with you.
(They all exit stage left. Cut to a dark room. A door is open revealing the shadow of General DePinto. He opens it completely and quietly creeps in. He walks over to a crib)
GENERAL DEPINTO: Shhh…are you hungry? (Cut to reveal an AR-15 under covers in the crib with a pacifier in the barrel) You look hungry, babers. (He picks up the AR-15 and loads it. He then rocks it back and forth and sings) I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free… (Jacob looks through the window and taps on it, looking perplexed. DePinto turns his head around and then puts the gun in the crib) Love you.
(He then walks out of the room and goes to the front door and opens it to see Jacob)
JACOB: Were you cradling a gun like a baby?
GENERAL DEPINTO: Were you cradling a baby like a gun?!
JACOB: Are you deflecting or accusing me of something?
GENERAL DEPINTO: Yes.
JACOB: I brought you a (takes out a coffee bean candle) coffee bean candle! I made it myself.
GENERAL DEPINTO: What do you think my house stinks?
JACOB: Wow, really neurotic.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Although my house does smell a little bit like gun baby formula, anyway, come in.
JACOB: 'Kay. (Jacob walks in and DePinto and him go into the living room where they both sit down) So, what are you doing for Christmas?
GENERAL DEPINTO: I was thinking of spending it with my cousin Jack.
JACOB: Oh, okay. That's nice.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Also my daughter Hennessey and my friend comedian Yakov Smirnoff.
JACOB: Oh, I get it.
GENERAL DEPINTO: My Aunt Schnapps and my niece rum balls.
JACOB: That's a pretty name. But yeah, I get it.
GENERAL DEPINTO: What do you want me to say, man? Christmases have been mighty lonely in the DePinto family for some time, unfortunately.
JACOB: You need to get out there, General. Maybe meet a nice lady, get to know her, you guys won't even have to meet on OurTime.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Trust me, I've tried. All roads lead to the milk and cookies.
JACOB: Is that a phrase? Listen, I heard Sarandon is having a Christmas bonanza tonight. They call it the mildest fun you'll have in the Hansbay area for the next four hours.
GENERAL DEPINTO: I don't go much for the party scene.
JACOB: I'm pretty sure that gun had a pacifier in it.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Fine, fine, I'll go.
(Cut to a judge in bed, wearing his robe. His phone rings on his bedside table. He picks up his gavel and puts it to his ear)
JUDGE MCGLYNN: (Half-asleep) Hello? (The phone rings more and Judge McGlynn puts down the gavel and picks up the phone) Hello?
ETHAN: (On the other line) Your honor, could you settle a dispute that is time sensitive?
JUDGE MCGYLNN: (Half-asleep) You're out of order…
ETHAN: Pardon? (Judge McGlynn hangs up the phone, slams his gavel and goes back to sleep. Cut to Ethan on the phone hearing the dial tone) Damnit. I'll have to do this the hard way. (Ethan turns around and the camera pans to Evan and Amy) Sorry guys, the judge is half-asleep. We have to do this the hard way.
EVAN: Well, I work for the Mayor so that should be an asset to our cause.
AMY: I say we switch the nativity scene characters, maybe Joseph is being born! Then the atheists won't know!
(Ethan runs his hands through up his face and through his hair. Cut to Ethan, Evan and Amy walking up to Judge McGlynn's house. The house has a lot of wind chimes hanging off of it, making a lot of noise)
ETHAN: Wow, a lot of wind chimes.
EVAN: How does he sleep through all this?
AMY: Shh! Guys! He can't hear us!
ETHAN: It's already really loud, Amy.
(Evan knocks on the door. His wife opens the door wearing a nightie)
WIFE: Can I help you? It's Christmas eve.
EVAN: Hello ma'm, I'm from the Mayor's office. We're sorry to bother you at such hours but-oh my God, can you take down the wind chimes?
WIFE: Come in, fellas. (They all walk in. Cut to them in the kitchen) Sorry, what can I do for you gentlemen?
ETHAN: We need your husband to mediate a dispute that is time sensitive.
WIFE: Are you guys asking him to get another guy off death row? Because I know him, he could do it in his sleep.
EVAN: No, we need him to rule on whether the Hansbay City Hall nativity scene is allowable under the first amendment.
WIFE: Well…I suppose I could wake him from his slumber. Sometimes he overrules, but I'll try my utmost.
(The wife walks away. Cut to Ryan, Scott, Delaware, Sarah and Brennan in Ryan's room. They are all dressed as Krampus except for Sarah)
RYAN: Let's put up these fliers like we'll never fly higher. (Pause) Sorry.
DELAWARE: We should get started before we have competition.
SARAH: Who else is doing this?
(They all get notification sounds on their phones and they all pick up their phones and look at them)
DELAWARE: Do you see this even?
RYAN: Yeah, Blood on the Bar Scene?! Those faggots bring shame to emo music and not the good kind!
SARAH: I like them.
(They all groan)
RYAN: Of course you do. You're the kind of fangirl they want to attract with their wiles and their fake-ass post-hardcore pre-alternative emo metallic apocalyptic emo indie post-pop indie pop post tango!
SARAH: They're only bad if you read too much into them.
SCOTT: I feel like I'm not privy to all this, but, I'd like to teach some stupid band a lesson!
SARAH: What are they even doing?
RYAN: Word on the street says they're promoting their iTunes album that was just dropped. And we're going to make sure it drops off the fiscal cliff.
SCOTT: You don't know what that is do you?
RYAN: It was trending on Twitter!
DELAWARE: How are we going to do that though? They already have a fan base in Vermont and the greater New England area.
RYAN: We're going to put up the most fliers this town has ever seen in their lives! We must beat this atrocity upon emo kind!
SARAH: Well, I like that band, but you're my boyfriend, so I guess now I'm a furny.
SCOTT: Ooh, you don't want to say that.
SARAH: Why?
RYAN: You can look it up later. Let's go!
(Cut to a montage set to one of DFH's songs. Ryan is seen dressed as Krampus marching through the neighborhood whacking sticks upon the ground while children dash for their lives. He then puts up a flier reading "NEED EMO ROCK? WHY NOT DEPRAVED HALLWAY FERN? BUY OUR SHIT ON ITUNES, 99 CENTS OR DIE". Cut to Brennan in a Krampus costume going up to a house and putting fliers on that, three or five. Cut to Scott and Delaware posting fliers on a fence. Nearby, they see a dear. They get excited at the sight of the deer and creep closer. Then, Delaware posts a flier on the deer and it then runs away and Scott and Delaware high-five. Cut to Ryan hiding in a bush with Brennan. Nearby children are making a snowman and they put the carrot where the nose should be. Then, Ryan and Brennan pop out and throw fliers around and scream, causing the children to run away. Then they take the carrot out and stab the snowman's head with it. They then post fliers all over the snowman and splatter fake blood on him and they write "OW MY BRAIN! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I'M JUST A JOLLY SNOWMAN!"
BAND MEMBER: The hell are you emo faggots doing?"
BAND MEMBER 2: Yeah, I was about to murder that snow man!
RYAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You think this is your coffee bean, maybeline? We RUN this city!
BAND MEMBER: That's weird, because I've never heard of you guys.
RYAN: Well we stabbed a snowman with his own nose and then posted our fliers all over him, so maybe familiarize your bad self, because a new sheriff's in town.
DELAWARE: What are you guys' names even?
BAND MEMBER: I'm Thrush and this is Veejay. We are Blood on the Bar Scene.
SCOTT: Isn't thrush a parasitic fungal disease of the mouth?
DELAWARE: That's fitting, actually.
THRUSH: It's named after the bird, asshole! And listen, we have our New Year's tour coming up so we don't need you homo fags fagging up our bar scene! That's reserved for blood!
RYAN: You know by calling us fags you're basically cannibalizing your own culture! That's not how real emo bands play it, Thrush.
RYAN: Here's the game plan. Whoever gets the most downloads on iTunes by Christmas day at 5PM wins!
THRUSH: Wins what?
RYAN: The affection of mousey pseudo-scene fan chicks with mommy problems!
VEEJAY: Don't you dare take that away from us. I value that more than my Harvard degree.
SCOTT: Are you fucking kidding me?
RYAN: It's on.
(Ryan and Thrush shake hands. Cut to General DePinto and Jacob walking into the Mayor's office. Jacob is wearing a cool, casual plaid shirt with a jacket, jeans and DC shoes while DePinto is wearing a light blue blazer with the sleeves rolled up, a bandana in his hair, acid wash jeans and old Air Jordans)
JACOB: You really should've put on better clothes, but it's not my hay ride, DePinto.
(They walk into the building and are going down a hallway)
GENERAL DEPINTO: I haven't gone to a party since the 80s, okay?
JACOB: Fine, but why the Air Jordans?
GENERAL DEPINTO: When I was packing for the Gulf War, my black friend and I switched shoes by accident. We also ended up doing a Parent Trap thing with an old General.
JACOB: Why would you need Air Jordans for war-you know what, let's just get in the elevator.
(Jacob presses the button and the doors open and they both walk in. The elevator goes up to the second floor and they get out to see Mayor Sarandon, his staff and some of the local citizenry)
JACOB: Let's find you a date.
(Mayor Sarandon walks over to them)
MAYOR SARANDON: Well if it isn't Jacob Donahue. For the win!
JACOB: Don't try to be cool.
MAYOR SARANDON: Sorry. How's your dad?
JACOB: He's in trouble, like you are.
MAYOR SARANDON: I'm good too. Who's this fine fella?
GENERAL DEPINTO: I'm General Noah DePinto, sir.
MAYOR SARANDON: Really? Because I thought you were Rick Astley!
(He laughs)
GENERAL DEPINTO: It's been a while since I hit the cocaine scene.
MAYOR SARANDON: Why do you think there's cocaine here?
GENERAL DEPINTO: It's the 80s, man.
MAYOR SARANDON: (Laughs) Well, just enjoy yourselves.
(Mayor Sarandon walks away)
JACOB: Nice save. Now use that guile and wit and go hit on Mayor Sarandon's cute secretary.
(Pan to Maria sitting at her desk drinking alone with her glasses hanging out of her mouth and a dead fern on her desk)
GENERAL DEPINTO: Wish me. (DePinto walks over) Hello, there.
MARIA: Hi. What's your name?
GENERAL DEPINTO: I'm Noah. What's your job?
MARIA: Um, I'm Mr. Sarandon's secretary.
GENERAL DEPINTO: That's pretty hip. I was in Desert Storm, and being a soldier is kind of like being a secretary. I filed stuff. I filed bullets into people, alphabetically. I got it all done before lunch time. How do you feel about radiation?
(Jacob pulls him away from her)
JACOB: Okay, wrong strategy. Don't try to pander to them and definitely don't do anything involving radiation.
GENERAL DEPINTO: It's not that much radiation.
JACOB: No radiation, okay? Be confident, funny and smart. Don't get too graphic about the war. Alright, here we go, right over there is Edna Sanford, recent divorcee of Norman Sanford, go over there and hijack some recently divorced poon, general!
GENERAL DEPINTO: Yes sir! (General DePinto walks over to Edna Sanford) Hello, Mrs. Sanford.
EDNA: Oh, hi, do we know each other?
GENERAL DEPINTO: No, I learned your name from a friend.
EDNA: I see. So who are you?
GENERAL DEPINTO: I am Noah. But not the one who split the seas.
(He chuckles)
EDNA: That's Moses.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Indeed it is.
EDNA: Are you from around here?
GENERAL DEPINTO: Born and raised in Vermont by way of being raised mostly in a combination of military bases in Maine, Virginia and Kentucky.
EDNA: Wow, that's fascinating. Were you in war?
GENERAL DEPINTO: The only war I fight is the war to know myself.
JACOB: Trying too hard!
EDNA: Did that young man just yell "trying too hard" at us?
GENERAL DEPINTO: I think he yelled "where's your man card"? And I will respond to his query thusly. I have many bullets.
(Erica Reed walks over)
ERICA: Excuse me, Emilio Estevez, but this isn't Molly Ringwald, so President Reagan has declared you a Soviet and has ordered that you leave.
(Eric, Edna and other surrounding adults laugh, which makes General DePinto walk away, over to Jacob)
GENERAL DEPINTO: My moment was commandeered by that woman; I had her on the ropes!
JACOB: You didn't really, though. Why do you always have to bring up weapons?
GENERAL DEPINTO: I brought up bullets, those aren't weapons, you try to throw a bullet at somebody it'd be like throwing a corn flake.
JACOB: Just calm down. Breathe.
(Mayor Sarandon walks over)
MAYOR SARANDON: Hey fellas, what's going on?
JACOB: I don't know sir, we're trying to get General DePinto here a date.
MAYOR SARANDON: But he looks like the video that killed the radio star.
JACOB: That's kind of what they were using against him.
MAYOR SARANDON: Well, don't mind them, they're a bunch of bitches. They're going to go home tonight and mumble into their pillows about their respective husbands' lack of love for them.
GENERAL DEPINTO: That's true. But Edna is single.
MAYOR SARANDON: WAS single. Now she's married to that eight ball.
(Cut to Edna taking a brown bag out of her purse)
JACOB: Wait, she has coke?
(She then removes an actual eight ball from the bag)
EDNA: Am I ever going to find true love?
(She shakes it. Cut back to Jacob, DePinto and Sarandon)
GENERAL DEPINTO: Damnit. This almost was a real eighties party.
MAYOR SARANDON: She could have a Rubik's Cube in there.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Full of coke? On coke I could finish it in mere seconds and it wouldn't even still be a cube by the time I was done with it. (He takes out a large switchblade) I whittle.
MAYOR SARANDON: That is a badass knife!
(Cut to Ethan, Evan and Amy leading a tired-looking Judge McGlynn out of his house)
JUDGE MCGLYNN: If this is your attempt at a bribe Ethan, taking me out on a midnight stroll is not an acceptable one.
ETHAN: I know, this isn't a bribe-
JUDGE MCGLYNN: Now a three in the afternoon bike ride on trails, I would accept that.
ETHAN: I'll keep that in mind, but no, this is a very important unimportant case you need to rule on immediately.
(Ryan and Thrush run by and attach fliers to Judge McGlynn, Ethan and Evan. They stop and look confused)
EVAN: Did those monsters just attach fliers to us?
ETHAN: Just take them off.
(They take off the fliers and lead McGlynn to Ethan's car and they all get in. Cut to a courtroom. Ethan, Evan, Amy and Micah Schultz are on one side, the Judge is sitting in his seat looking extremely tired and Kimberly, Todd and David Merkely on the other side. The police officer in the courtroom is wearing a night cap, pajamas and is holding a candle)
DAVID MERKELY: Your honor, the nativity scene outside of the Hansbay City Hall is an unacceptable violation of the first amendment to the United States Constitution. It is a combination of church and state and that is dangerous stew, your honor. A frothy stew of hatred, corruption and red bell peppers. I'm a Christian, your honor. But I also believe in the most important document this country has; money. And I'm likely to get a lot of it from this case.
MICAH SCHULTZ: Your honor, Mr. Merkely argues that this nativity scene is unconstitutional based on the first amendment, but I argue it's constitutional based on, you guessed it, the first amendment. Right to freedom of speech. It's not like one of the wise men is wearing a foam "CHRISTIANITY IS NUMBER ONE" hand and it's not as though one of the sheep has a "Sarandon 2012" or "Romney/Ryan 2012" on the tuckus area. See? I'm Jewish and I'm defending this Nativity Scene's right to exist, I mean, we killed Jesus.
ETHAN: I want that stricken from the record, that is demonstrably false.
JUDGE MCGLYNN: Overruled. Mr. Merkely, Mr. Schultz, you woke me out of bed for this proceeding, which is apparently another case of whiny, aggrieved atheist V. overzealous Christian just like a thousand other cases that come up annually every Christmas. Now I'm not necessarily convinced either way, so you guys are going to have to put on a show to get my ruling. Let's recess for an hour so you can prepare said show, how 'bout it?
DAVID: I agree.
MICAH: Yeah, we'll put on a (feminine voice with a lot of gesticulations) shoooow!
JUDGE MCGLYNN: Not getting off to a great start, but okay. This court is adjourned until 1 AM on Tuesday, December 25, 2012.
(He slams the gavel. Cut to Ethan, Evan, Micah and Amy in a conference room)
ETHAN: We need to put on a show for him. Some sort of legally-binding Christmas Pageant.
EVAN: (Big shot show producer accent) We've got to make it big too, junior!
(Evan takes out a cigar and lights it and inhales and then exhales. He then puts it in his mouth)
ETHAN: Since when do you smoke? And have that accent?
EVAN: Since we needed to wow the pants off this here judge. We're going to need dancers, back-up dancers, singers, back-up singers, back-up trousers just n case we get nervous! (Pronounces it noi-vus)
ETHAN: I don't think that'll be necessary.
AMY: I could be a star!
(Evan puts his arm around Amy's shoulder)
EVAN: You sure could, sweetheart! You want a light?
AMY: Sure!
(Amy puts a pixy stick in her mouth and Evan lights it. Cut to Kimberly, Todd and David in a conference room)
KIMBERLY: So now we have to put on a show? Is this even legal?
TODD: We've got to make it good. Luckily, Hollywood is dominated by Atheists, so I'm sort of naturally prudent in this subject.
DAVID: Maybe we could get two girls, one representing Church, one representing state and they could mud wrestle!
KIMBERLY: Wow, no, inappropriate!
DAVID: You're right; mud's not Christmassy enough, how about they wrestle in snow?
TODD: What we need is a dark Christmas pageant, liked it was Directed by Tim Burton or even Guillermo Del Toro.
KIMBERLY: Shouldn't it be more uplifting than that?
TODD: Hey! I failed to get an accidentally formed cross at the World Trade Center site taken down and I will NOT fail again!
KIMBERLY: Wait…what?
DAVID: It turns out accidental crosses at disaster sites don't violate anyone's rights; they said it "brings comfort to the families of the victims". Pff. How about the comfort of this poor man's Atheist Group's publicity?
TODD: Think of my children!
(Cut to Ryan and Brennan in their Krampus costumes at Town Center where a bunch of children are congregated)
(The kids shriek)
(The kids shriek again as Scott dressed in his Krampus costume, except his Krampus costume has Hipster glasses on, comes over)
SCOTT: And remember kids, if you become slaves to mainstream pablum instead of obscure metaphorical transcendentalist- (Brennan whacks Scott with the branches) OW! I mean, if you don't buy Depraved Hallway Fern, you'll get flogged! Also your older brothers and sister need to buy it or you'll get flogged.
KID: Why are we being penalized for our brothers and sisters' actions, or lack thereof?
(They all scream. Jeff Sanford walks over)
JEFF: What the hell's going on here?
BRENNAN: Hello, little boy! Buy Depraved Hallway Fern on iTunes unless you want to get flogged!
JEFF: Brennan, is that you?
BRENNAN: No, I'm Krampus, Jeff.
JEFF: You know my name?
BRENNAN: Lucky guess.
KID: This guy's not really Krampus!
OTHER KID: Are you saying Krampus doesn't exist?
SCOTT: No, that's Santa.
(A bunch of kids start crying)
RYAN: Scott, what the hell is wrong with you?
SCOTT: Dude, I'm freeing them from the shackles of our corporatized religious holiday!
JEFF: You're ruining their Christmas with lies! Outright lies!
RYAN: We're just-
(Thrush, Veejay and one other come over)
THRUSH: Hey kids! Are you tired of these three four ruining your Christmas Eve?
KID: Yeah!
VEEJAY: Then you should download our hit Christmas songs, like "Santa is a fat faggot and the only reason he has red cheeks is because he just blew the world of commercialism".
(The kids express their upsetness)
DELAWARE: See?! This guy doesn't believe in the magic of Christmas!
BAND MEMBER: At least we say Santa exists!
DELAWARE: Who are you?
BAND MEMBER: I'm Thrash, Thrush's brother.
DELAWARE: Thrush and Thrash, huh? Listen, it's all good, we have a Christmas song you can download called "My Dad in a Santa costume is passed out on the roof".
RYAN: I don't remember recording that song.
DELAWARE: It's a single! By Delaware Payne.
(Thrush throws candy everywhere)
RYAN: Um…plush dolls based on iPhone games!
(Ryan throws plush Angry Birds, plush Seed Zombies and plush Angry Bird Pigs everywhere, which the kids go nuts over)
THRASH: One Direction called us brilliant.
RYAN: Adele showed up out of the blue uninvited to tell us how amazing we are.
VEEJAY: My real name is Arthur Edelstein!
RYAN: My real name is Ryan Donahue, unlike this Jew who hides his Jew nose behind his scene band.
VEEJAY: Damnit! That backfired.
THRUSH: How was that supposed to fire?
JEFF: Guys, you can bribe us all you want, but we're not going to buy your songs. We're kids, we like One Direction and we don't care if they like you, which they don't by the way and I know that for a fact.
BRENNAN: We have to power through! KIDS! IF YOU DO NOT BUY DHF SONGS ON ITUNES, GUESS WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
KIDS: What?
BRENNAN: You will be put in a bag and thrown in Lake Champlain!
(The kids scream as a parent walks over)
PARENT: Excuse me, what are you guys doing?
RYAN: We were just-
SCOTT: Messin' around-
DELAWARE: Joshin'. We were Joshin'.
BRENNAN: It was almost like Joshua-ing, actually.
RYAN: Joseph-ing. Spreading the word of Joseph, husband of Mary, mother of Christ.
SCOTT: Hallelujah, you know?
DELAWARE: Praise Jesus!
PARENT: Shut up! What were you three doing?
THRUSH: We were spreading the word of Jesus during this Christmas season, but they were spreading blasphemy to these impressionable young minds.
KID: They were saying Santa isn't real and that if we're naughty or don't buy their songs on iTunes, Krampus will flog us with sticks or throw us into Lake Champlain.
PARENT: What?!
BRENNAN: That's not entirely true, they were-
PARENT: I've heard enough, I'm calling the police.
RYAN: Oh, God, RUN!
(They all run away as Thrush, Thrash, Veejay, some aggrieved parents and the kids start running after them. Jeff walks away at that point. Cut to Jacob, General DePinto and Mayor Sarandon talking outside the Mayor's Office door. DePinto and Sarandon are holding drinks while Christmas music plays in the background)
MAYOR SARANDON: So you were in Vietnam?
GENERAL DEPINTO: Yeah, and I was a general in Desert Storm.
MAYOR SARANDON: Gave those huns hell I heard.
GENERAL DEPINTO: You mean German Iraqis?
MAYOR SARANDON: Sure. So what was it like in 'nam?
GENERAL DEPINTO: It was frightening. We'd traipse through the jungle, it was extremely hot sometimes, and I'd have a sniper position above a lake. The lake was full of Vietcong, at night and it was storming outside. However, every time lightning struck, there would be a brief window of time where I could see all the Vietcong in their boats and I could shoot at least one of them. It was all about patience and precision. Plus, one time, I found a four-leaf clover in the jungles of Saigon. I mean, how awesome is that?
JACOB: Not as awesome as you shooting people when thunder struck, that's fucking amazing!
GENERAL DEPINTO: I suppose so.
MAYOR SARANDON: My father, Spencer Sarandon was in the Korean war and he fought at the battle of Old Baldy. Let me tell you, he never let a Korean pump his gas since.
JACOB: Why?
MAYOR SARANDON: He was that resentful.
JACOB: Why though, did a Korean pump his gas wrong during the war?
MAYOR SARANDON: Yeah, he was supposed to, but instead he just shot at him. I mean, what the fuck?
GENERAL DEPINTO: Well, I could understand how someone could hold resentment after such a traumatic experience.
MAYOR SARANDON: Although he did enjoy the occasional Korean massage.
GENERAL DEPINTO: How can you blame him?
(They all laugh)
JACOB: He'll let a Korean pump one thing!
(They laugh even more)
MAYOR SARANDON: Ah, you know what? You guys are alright. How about we ditch this dump?
JACOB: This dump?
MAYOR SARANDON: Yeah, this dump.
JACOB: It's really nicely decorated actually, Kelly did a great job.
MAYOR SARANDON: It's a dump and Kelly's a whore.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Where would we go? What's open on Christmas eve?
MAYOR SARANDON: My house is always open. Plus, there's ladies drink specials on Tuesdays, or at least there would be, if ladies ever went there. Let's go!
(Cut to Mayor Sarandon, Jacob and General DePinto talking in Mayor Sarandon's kitchen)
GENERAL DEPINTO: So what do you guys want to do?
JACOB: Well we could keep talking, but I may have to drink a little Jergens to lubricate my confidence.
MAYOR SARANDON: Jergens is actual lubricant, not alcohol.
JACOB: Fine, then get me some alcohol.
GENERAL DEPINTO: We're not going to do that, Jacob, you're not old enough. You haven't been smoking pot anymore, have you?
JACOB: …No.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Okay, so you have.
JACOB: Like once on doomsday and that's it.
GENERAL DEPINTO: I said no more!
JACOB: Fine! Sorry.
MAYOR SARANDON: I'll get you some Egg Nog.
(Mayor Sarandon goes to the fridge gets out egg nog, pours some into a glass and hands it to Jacob, who drinks some and spits it in the sink)
JACOB: Oh my God, that's disgusting, it's like an egg threw up from stress during finals week into my drink!
MAYOR SARANDON: That's so gross, that's going on Facebook!
JACOB: …Are you going to take a picture of it?
MAYOR SARANDON: No, it's just going on Facebook.
JACOB: So you're going to talk about it on Facebook?
MAYOR SARANDON: No, it's just going on there, you just say that and it happens!
JACOB: No, that's not how it works.
GENERAL DEPINTO: Do you have guns here, Brian?
(Cut to the security guard at the front of the court room while both sides are seated)
SECURITY GUARD: Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye, all rise for the honorable Judge Benjamin McGlynn.
(They all rise and Judge McGlynn walks up to his desk and slams the gavel)
JUDGE MCGLYNN: This court will be in order. The defendant will now make their case.
(Ethan walks closer to the judge and he is dressed as Joseph, Amy, dressed as Mary, walks over as well and Micah, dressed as a baby, gets in a makeshift basket while Evan, dressed as a wise man, looks on)
ETHAN: (Singing) There he is, our Lord. Baby Jesus is born. Now, he simply rests in repooose. Not a peep. All the animals surrounding him-
AMY: Baaah!
ETHAN: Shh! (Singing) You're not a sheep! You are the Virgin Mary who was knocked up by the Looorddd…I trust you that you are not simply a whore…I know you are a virgin who gave birth to beautiful child. The light of the world, the hope in our eyes, he died for our sins and he created our lies!
EVAN: WAAAAAH! The baby cries!
ETHAN: What do you mean, wise man?
EVAN: (Singing) I'm not a wise man at all, you see. (He takes off his wise man costume to reveal he has a ponytail and he's wearing a burlap sack labeled "atheist", this causes Ethan, Amy and Micah to fake gasp) I'm an atheist! And I have these objections, three! This is a city court building! This is against the law! Along with that scene at Hansbay City Hall, this has made me appalled! Thusly, I will (He kicks Micah) KICK baby Jesus out!
MICAH: Ow!
EVAN: (Singing) I wall make sure Christianity loses all of its clout! Like Santa says, don't whine or pout, just go the Godless route! Let's go down route 666 and let's sail down the River Styx and subject our city government to the wrath of the King of Evil! His Godlessness Richard Dawkins!
ETHAN: (Singing) But sir, have a heart. We can celebrate our creed! We can work together, not apart! No rights are being violated through a simple gesture! You should be the one freeing us instead of our arrester! But I must tell you now that I am quite wily. For I am not Joseph, husband of Mary, but I am…(He takes off his costume to reveal he's in a Bill O'Reilly costume) Bill O'Reilly! Because there's a war on Christmas and it is real! Yes, there may be yule log forests in California and Candy Cane pastures in Maine, Santa-looking fellows in Mississippi and tinsel all down Helmsley Park lane! But don't think just because Christmas is everywhere it means we don't feel the pain! This is Holy War! The most serious in the world! This makes Israel and Palestine scared, so don't underestimate us, girl!
ALL OF EMS: (Singing) BECAUSE WE WILL FIGHT TO THE END! SO THAT WE MAY PRETEND! THAT CHRISTMAS IS UNDER SERIOUS ATTACK! JUST BECAUSE PETTY ATHEISTS GIVE US TONS OF FLACK!
ETHAN: (Singing) Tons of…flaaaaaack!
MICAH: Goo goo gaga!
ETHAN: Wow, don't do that. Anyway, we rest our case, your honor.
(They all take their seats)
JUDGE MCGLYNN: Okay, will the plaintiff now present their case?
(Todd is dressed as Santa and starts walking around the courtroom while singing)
TODD: (Singing) We are hard at work, here at the North Pole, making sure this Christmas is very bold…we want there to be a Christmas, for every child from a continent to an Isthmus, we build XBOXes and iPhones for the children who want them under the tree, it's amazing that we've not been sued by Apple of the Microsoft company, but we're still filled with glee! Because it's Christmas!
(Kimberly, dressed as Jesus, walks over to Todd)
KIMBERLY: (Singing) HA! Santa, you're making Christmas a joke! HA! That makes me croak. We need to drive slaves of religion and make sure they ALL pay attention to the nativity scene outside the Hansbay City Hall so Atheists can't hide from the deafening sight of a nativity scene or the blinding music of "Oh Holy Night" or the numbing smell of frankincense or the anosmatic sensation of feeling a plastic baby Jesus! All of you agnostic fuckers have no choice but to appease us! Eat your peas, eat your carrots, eat your Jesus, call your parents. Go to Church, pray to God, stare at a scene on a lawn, it'll never be gone! Always say "God" when saying the pledge of allegiance and never question the bible's credence.
(David walks over dressed as Thomas Jefferson)
DAVID: (Singing) Iiiii am Thomas Jefferson, the father of our Nation! Thiiis nativity scene is an abomination! Iiiii frankly believe that there's a separation! Beeetween church and state and there's no negotiation! It is written right there in the constitution of our land! So if you don't like it, there's no reason for rants or raves, I hold the separation of church and state more dear than I hold banging slaves!
TODD: So take that Jesus! (Singing) Freedom of religion is also freedom from religion! So instead of releasing turtle doves, release a fucking pigeon! Freedom from religion, that's a good phrase to remember! Instead of saying Merry Christmas, say "Christ, it's a cold December!". All of your religious shit you'll have to hide! Instead of calling it a Christmas tree, call it a tree that's supposed to be outside, you guys know what you're doing! You're doing it complicity! But you don't know what we're doing, we're not doing it for the publicity, but no doubt this shit goes on Fox News tomorrow, but that was earned not illicitly!
DAVID: (Singing) So, to summarize your honor, I am a hero. A nativity scene on public property is as bad, if not worse, than an accidental cross at ground zero, aaaandd-
KIMBERLY: HOLD IT! Hold it, I'm sorry. I don't think I feel comfortable with this anymore. I mean, suing because of a cross accidentally formed at Ground Zero? A cross that comforted the families of the victims? That's an exploitative and cruel way of getting publicity. And…I've come to realize that the nativity scene on the lawn of Hansbay City Hall isn't that big of a deal.
TODD: Kimberly, it signifies that Atheists are second-class citizens!
KIMBERLY: Does it? Because it is just a nativity scene. You don't have to look at it. Are you forced to sit on the back of buses? Do you lack voting rights? Are you forced to drink at another water fountain then religious people? You're not second-class citizens okay? I realize now how stupid it was to sue for this.
TODD: I AM a second-class citizen! I like to sit in the back of buses because it's a nice place to read, I don't vote because everyone who runs is a Christian and-
KIMBERLY: Those are all choices!
TODD: AND sometimes water from water fountains is too hot.
KIMBERLY: Still not a second-class citizen.
TODD: Just-Judge McGlynn, what is your ruling?
JUDGE MCGLYNN: Hmm…I rule that I have no jurisdictional right to rule on this case, so go ask your mother.
ETHAN: What?
JUDGE MCGLYNN: I mean, it is up to Mayor Sarandon to decide whether that nativity scene should stay up or be taken down. Hell, I don't even think I had the right to order that you present your cases in musical form, although they were very good. Case dismissed!
(He slams the gavel and leaves. Then, both sides look at each other intensely, except Kimberly. Then they both run out the door as Kimberly follows Ethan's group. Cut to Ryan, Brennan, Scott and Delaware, all in their complete Krampus costumes, being chased by an angry mob of parents, children and Blood on the Bar Scene. They are running past some fences and they turn a corner quickly into the park in Ryan's neighborhood owned by the Mormons. They jump into the slide to hide. Then, the townspeople arrive and are confused)
PARENT: Where are those sons of bitches? Ruining our kids' Christmases!
KID: What are bitches?
PARENT: SEE?! They even taught my kids profanity! Those fuckers.
(Pan over to reveal a cop sitting on a bench drinking hot coca)
COP: Can I help ya folks?
THRUSH: Yes! We're looking for these emo kids dressed as horrible Nordic monsters with long horns!
COP: Okay, so I'll keep a look out for horrible Nordic monsters with long horns, I'll help you guys out. I mean, it is Christmas after all.
PARENT 2: So you wouldn't do your job if it wasn't Christmas?
COP: Nope, I'd probably stay here and drink cocoa and watch the world go by. YEEHA!
VEEJAY: You're a Cowboy now?
COP: Let's go!
(The cop gets up and the angry mob goes northwest. Once they are gone, Ryan, Brennan, Scott and Delaware come out)
RYAN: Where do we go to hide?
SCOTT: I know the perfect place.
(Cut to Ryan, Scott, Brennan and Delaware on the Hansbay City Hall lawn. Brennan is in a basket dressed as baby Jesus, Scott is dressed as Mary, Ryan is dressed as Joseph and Delaware is dressed as a mule and they trying to be perfectly still)
DELAWARE: Why did I have to be the mule?
RYAN: Shut up and eat your bale of hay!
(Cut to Ethan, Evan, Kimberly, Micah, Amy, Todd and David outside Mayor Sarandon's house. Ethan and Todd are both knocking on the door. Cut to General DePinto, Mayor Sarandon and Jacob gazing at Sarandon's gun collection in his closet)
JACOB: Jesus, and you were never in war.
MAYOR SARANDON: I stockpiled them after the assault weapons ban and now…they're just my children. I couldn't imagine losing them.
GENERAL DEPINTO: I feel ya.
(General DePinto puts his hand on his shoulder. They gaze at each other, making Jacob uncomfortable)
JACOB: …This is getting weird. I'm gonna go.
(They hear loud knocking. They all leave the room and Mayor Sarandon opens the front door)
MAYOR SARANDON: What is the meaning of this? This is highly unorthodox.
EVAN: Who says that?
MAYOR SARANDON: I said it when going into a synagogue full of reformed Jews, it went over quite well.
ETHAN: We need you to decide whether that nativity scene should be torn down or not. The Judge derelicted his responsibility towards you.
MAYOR SARANDON: Well this is quite a responsibility. I shall ponder this.
(Ten second pause)
AMY: Do you want us to, like present our cases?
MAYOR SARANDON: NO! Just let me think. (Long pause) I have come to a conclusion. The nativity scene while STAAAND!
(He slams the door. Ethan, Kimberly, Micah, Amy and Evan cheer as the other side groans)
ETHAN: HELL YEAH! Christmas lives another day!
KIMBERLY: It wouldn't have survived otherwise?
ETHAN: Of course not, woman! Sorry. Let's go home.
(They walk away. Cut to Mayor Sarandon, Jacob and General DePinto in the kitchen)
MAYOR SARANDON: That's the power of a Mayor, right there. Straight up! (Ding dongy) Goddamnit.
(He goes to open the door and sees Ellen Alexander holding a box)
ELLEN: Hello, Brian!
MAYOR SARANDON: Shit. Hold on. (He closes the door) Jacob, Noah, go into my easily accessible closet full of guns and play with them for a second, I need to discuss urgent city business with someone.
JACOB: Okay!
(General DePinto and Jacob go into Mayor Sarandon's room and Mayor Sarandon opens up the door)
MAYOR SARANDON: Ellen, what are you doing here?
ELLEN: I made rum cookies for you.
(She opens the box up to reveal soggy cookies)
MAYOR SARANDON: Those look really soggy.
ELLEN: Yeah, I just poured rum all over them, I thought you'd like it, tubby bear.
MAYOR SARANDON: Don't call me that, also, your husband was here just a second ago.
ELLEN: Ouchie. Who do you have over now; you never have people over this late at night.
MAYOR SARANDON: Well…I guess that's changed. I have some friends over, so…I'll take the rum cookies and I'll see you Christmas day. Bye!
(Mayor Sarandon takes the cookies and closes the door)
ELLEN: So you do like them!
(Cut to Mayor Sarandon's window as he walks away. Ellen's face is pressed against the window as her lip quivers. She draws a tubby bear and draws the words "tubby bear" above it. Mayor Sarandon walks over and draws a heart around it and they both smile. Cut to the angry mob wondering through the neighborhood when the cop comes up to them)
COP: I received a tip that these Nordic Monsters with long horns were spotted outside Hansbay City Hall! KILL THE BEASTS!
(They cheer. Cut to angry mob running down the street where Hansbay City hall is)
(Cut to Ryan, Scott, Delaware and Brennan as nativity scene people)
SCOTT: Just hold it…
(The mob runs past them)
KID: Wait a minute, was Jesus an emo?
(Ryan, Brennan, Scott and Delaware ditch their clothes and quickly set the original nativity scene back up and dash off as the angry mob returns)
(The parent sets fire to the Nativity scene as they cheer. Cut to Ryan, Brennan, Scott and Delaware running into the Donahue household. They go upstairs and get on the computer)
DELAWARE: Go to CNN.
(Ryan goes to CNN.com to see the headline "Emo/scene band Blood on the Bar Scene and others burn down nativity scene in mid-size Vermont town, Christian groups, general public outraged, call for boycott")
(Cut to Ethan, Evan, Kimberly, Micah, Amy, Todd and David walking by the Hansbay Court house)
ETHAN: We eked out a victory.
KIMBERLY: No doubt.
MICAH: Doubt.
(Micah points to the charred remains of the nativity scene)
(A firefighter comes over holding a charred Baby Jesus)
FIREFIGHTER: I was able to recover baby Jesus, sir. You can thank me later.
(The firefighter hands Baby Jesus to Ethan. Cut to Ryan walking out of his room with Brennan, Scott and Delaware behind him)
RYAN: This is so great that they're ruined. (Brennan, Scott and Delaware put on their masks) I mean-(Brennan takes out branches and whacks Ryan in the ass with them) AGHH! (He falls to the ground)
BRENNAN: You're been naughty this year, Donahue! That one's for being a selfish X-Head who ruined everybody's lives!
RYAN: I mean-(Scott takes a whack) OW!
BRENNAN: That's for manipulating Eric, Scarlett and I into making out with you! (One more whack) And that was for brazenly running away to Washington D.C. when you didn't get your way, using your relationship with Michelle to slack off at your job, bullying the smartest kid in school, refusing Michelle's advice to get off drugs and the being such an asshole to her that she broke up with you, dealing drugs, being a lazy student, trying to extort money from women at homecoming and burning down a fence with me.
RYAN: Well, (He gets up) when you lay it all out like that, I sound like a real asshole!
BRENNAN, SCOTT AND DELAWARE: Yeah!
RYAN: But, don't worry. Because 2013 will be different. You'll see. We'll have our band and we'll make it big someday. And Brennan, we'll find a place for you in it. (Brennan smiles) And to show you that I'm a new Ryan, I will not require an apology for the horrendous pain those branches brought me.
BRENNAN: Do you want us to-
(Cut to Christmas morning. Jacob, Ryan, Madeline and Rob are in the living room around the tree, drinking hot cocoa)
JACOB: This is nice. Christmas with all of us together.
RYAN: Yeah, but an angry mob almost drove me and my band out of town last night. But then Blood on the Bar Scene burned down a Nativity scene and now we're golden! Their sales have plummeted on iTunes and our sales have gone up.
MADELINE: That's awesome, you should send me on of your songs.
(Ryan takes out an iPad)
RYAN: I'll do it right now.
MADELINE: Oh, so I'll have to listen to it in front of you?
(Ethan and Kimberly come in)
ETHAN: Merry Christmas, everybody!
MADELINE: It's present time! It's present time! It's present time!
RYAN: Hey Madeline, what time is it?
MADELINE: I don't know, go look at a clock, I'm not your maid.
(Ethan and Kimberly sit down)
ETHAN: Has everybody chosen a present to open first?
(They all hold up one present)
JACOB: Yep!
KIMBERLY: Great, then we'll go alphabetically. Jacob?
JACOB: Okay. (He opens up the present and it is a set of cue balls) Um…
ETHAN: For your golf games!
JACOB: Oh yeah, I'm in golf. I should really go to those practices. You realize this is for pool, right?
ETHAN: Yeah, the pool, the front yard, wherever you want to do it.
JACOB: You think you can play golf in a pool?
ETHAN: You can use it as a beach ball! Anyway, Maddie, you're next.
(Madeline takes her present and opens it to reveal an E-Z Bake oven)
MADELINE: Um..are you serious? I'm nineteen years old.
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text:
Fifteen people recently attended a hospitality workshop sponsored by the Bull Shoals Lake-White River Chamber of Commerce. They learned tips on how to give visitors a warm welcome to encourage them to stay longer, spend more money, provide critical word-of-mouth marketing on the area's behalf and plan a return visit. Shown are (first row, from left) Carol Short, Denise Simkins, Vaughn Simkins, Ginger Rapp, Cindy Martin and Scott Sudduth, workshop presenter from the Arkansas Hospitality Association; (second row, from left) Megan Lorenz, Terri Lorenz, Tabby Fox, Lea Mann, Annie Mitchell, Wilson Bowling, state Rep. Kelley Linck, Terry Partee and Rob Martin.
- Filed Under

subset: commoncrawl


text: "…French fashion house(Louis Vuitton) will unveil Blason, its new collection of fine jewelry designed in collaboration with Pharrell Williams and Camille Miceli (the Vuitton creative consultant who now designs jewelry for the brand and handles Marc Jacobs's personal public relations) during the upcoming Paris couture shows. Specific details on the collection have yet to be released, but Louis Vuitton is expected to unveil four separate and distinctly themed lines under Blason that will launch this spring at its flagship stores worldwide. The pieces range in price from 1,400 to 420,000 Euros, or approximately $2,070 to $621,000. Pharrell as we know, alongside Nigo is a huge LV Fan and collector and this colab is an extension of his ever growing interest in Fashion. Info from Fashion Week Daily.


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Watch The Premiere Of John Carpenter's Dystopian Noir Music Video!
John Carpenter is famed for directing genre classics like Halloween, They Live, and Escape From New York, but the synth-y scores he's crafted have earned their own cult following. He recently released Lost Themes — instrumentals for imaginary features — and we've got the music video premiere for "Night"! »


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We've been a little quiet here on the blog this week. Maybe it has to do with the opening of baseball season or signals a hangover from media coverage of the Supreme Court give-and-take about the Affordable Care Act last week and the endless guesses about how the court is likely to vote come June. Or maybe all our nurse bloggers are using spare time to clean out closets, sweep the cherry blossoms and sale inserts from the sidewalk, purge the inbox, box up the humidifier, watch Mad Men, or whatever. But here are a few things we'd like to draw your attention to:
If the windy spring nights wake you (or your patients) to the sound of a trash can lid flying away, maybe this will help: As described in the Drug Watch column in AJN's April issue, a sublingual form of the drug zolpidem (think Ambien) has now been approved, with the fancy name Intermezzo, for people who wake in the middle of the night and start hearing the same song over and over in their heads or thinking of the perfect comeback to that snippy waiter.
Also in the April issue, an AJN Reports looks at efforts to get people not to opt for potentially risky early delivery of their babies, and a Reflections essay called "Giving Up—Or Not" details one nurse's patience and persistence in trying to get a patient to start wanting to live again after major surgery. Here's an excerpt:
We encourage, beg, cajole, and nag him—to feed himself, to sit in the chair, to roll over. Healing is work, we tell him.
But his body has turned on itself as a substitute for food. His long series of complications has left him discouraged and depressed. If staying comfortable impedes his progress, he's willing to live with the trade-off.
Sam opens his eyes when I walk into his room, then closes them again. While I assess him, I tell him the plans for the day.
He puts a finger over his trach. "Do I have to have a bath? I feel so tired." His voice is soft and slightly rasping.
You might have noticed recent headlines about prescription painkiller abuse in the U.S. Read the rest of this entry ?


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Look Around You
A few years ago, teens and twentysomethings passed around episodes of a BBC educational spoof called Look Around You. It became a sensation through the miracle of Internet piracy. It wasn't as big as the original version of The Office but it was a minor hit in its own right.
The show's initial 10-minute episodes parodied 1970s British educational films. It was apparently a spot-on goof on programs made for schools and colleges. Although many of the show's enthusiasts were from the U.S. and didn't get all the references, British school filmstrips must have been a lot like American ones. Even with the accents, it feels like something your teacher showed you in fifth or sixth grade. The picture's even washed out.
Now, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim is finally bringing the show to American TV. (Several shorts did air on BBC America back in 2005, but who watches that?) Currently, the network is only airing the shorts made in 2002; a second set of different 30-minute episodes--in the style of a news program instead of an educational film--was made in 2005 but aren't quite as delightful.
Look Around You covers basic school topics--water, germs, sulfur, ghosts--but doesn't actually deliver any relevant information. It's dead serious, but the info and class discussion questions are absolute nonsense. The first episode, "Maths," begins with the question: "What's the largest number you can think of?"
Three people on the street are interviewed. A young girl: "Umm ... 100,000?" A middle-aged man: "999,000." A professor-looking guy: "A million."
The narrator (Nigel Lambert) returns with the answer: "In actual fact, it's neither of these. The largest number is about 45 billion, although mathematicians suspect that there may be even larger numbers." On-screen, the hypothetical larger number appears: "45,000,000,001?"
The show gets a little too random at times but it's so well produced it's a joy to watch.
My friend, the actor: Remembering Taylor Negron
On the Telly: "Surviving Jack," "Silicon Valley" and "Patton Oswalt: Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time"
Laverne Cox at QPenn: Ain't I a woman?
On the Telly: "Doll and Em," "Hannibal" and "Inside Amy Schumer"
On the Telly: "Late Night with Seth Meyers," "Resurrection" and "Review"
In Memoriam: David Brenner
On the Telly: "Crisis," "From Dusk Till Dawn" and "Legit"
On the Telly: "The Americans," "Portlandia" and "Mind Games"


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What is very notable is that in January, absent BLS smoothing calculation, which are nowhere in the labor force, but solely in the mind of a few BLS employees, the real economy lost 2,689,000 jobs, while net of the adjustment, it actually gained 243,000 jobs: a delta of 2,932,000 jobs based solely on statistical assumptions in an excel spreadsheet!
When will Ritholtz come forward with a public mea culpa for misleading the readers about January 2012 BLS U3 report – the most flawed BLS report in years?!
December to January BLS reported "better than expected" U3 headlines were completely misleading – BLS dumped 10 years worth of US population/demographic revisions into a single month and used it as the baseline aggregate number for computing reported U3.
BLS reported their guesstimates based on assumptions (models) and inflated above previous years average seasonal adjustments – these were the estimates based on opinions of BLS economists, not the actual real numbers.
The economy lost 2,689,000 jobs, but the seasonal adjustment was 2,932,000 jobs. How did they come up with this above average seasonal adjustment number – 2,932,000? Why don't they (BLS) show us how they derived this seasonal adjustment number and why they think the seasonal adjustment should be higher this year vs. prior years?
People who claim "there was an improvement" are having a hidden agenda or simply lying. Nobody can make such claims (not even BLS economists) because these estimates and assumptions are subject to large revisions in the following months.
Obama Derangement Syndrome claims the already questionable sanity of a few more punters. It's better than anything Republicans could do when they owned the whole government, 2000-2006.
A platicuarr company has my attention. BRFS. Brasil Foods. They are a major chicken exporter. The reason they have my attention is YUM Brands has announced they will triple the KFC outlet total in Africa over the next few years. Africa will have oil money to spend, and the shipping distance is minimal.


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Welcome to the MOM Board
Members of the Public: find out about the option on how to secure your home while it's on the market: Click on the attachment below to find out!
Website: www.ncdsusa.org and the phone number is 586-226-2470. They handle dispute resolutions between buyers and sellers re issues such as sellers disclosure statements, etc.
As a busy professional on the go, NAR has developed the
REALTOR Action Center Mobile App to make it easy and
convenient to contact your elected officials BEFORE they make
decisions that impact the bottom line of REALTORS like you
and your customers.
Realtor Action Center We are the REALTOR® Party: An
energized movement of real estate professionals fighting
to keep the dream of homeownership alive for this country
Sellers: REALTORS® provide sellers invaluable services, and there are many reasons to work with one. A REALTOR®:
• Can give you up-to-date information about the market, prices, financing, terms and conditions of competing properties.
• Will market your property to other real estate agents and to the public.
• Will know when, where and how to best market your property.
• Can help you objectively evaluate every buyer's proposal without compromising your marketing position.
• Can help close the sale of your home.
Buyers:REALTORS® provide critical assistance with the home buying process. A REALTOR®:
• Has many resources to assist you in your home search.
• Can provide objective information about each property.
• Can help you negotiate.
• Can help you determine your buying power.
• Provides guidance during the evaluation of the property.
• Can guide you through the closing process and make sure everything flows together smoothly.
LIKE US @: https://www.facebook.com/momboard
Facebook Rules:
List of acceptable Posts:
a. Congratulatory comments
b. Milestone attainments.
c. Educational information or notices
d. News relating to Real Estate
List of Unacceptable Posts:
a. Political
b. Cartoon/Jokes
c. Anything relating to commissions or fees
d. Anything relating to a Protected Class of individual under the Civil Rights Act and Fair Housing.
e. Not to be used as an MLS, ie, Open Houses, Any Listing Info, ie, price reductions, etc.
MOMBR Facebook will be governed by the Articles of the NAR Code of Ethics.
Anyone who sees an inappropriate post is urged to contact the MOMBR Office at email@example.com the post will then be reviewed by staff & removed if necessary.
Members that continue to post inappropriate posts will be removed from the MOMBR Facebook Page.
Adopted March 2013
Federal Credit Union to Offer Exclusive REALTOR® Credit Card Options for NAR
Members, Association staff, and family members!
Through NAR's REALTOR Benefits® partnership with REALTORS® Federal Credit Union, a Division of Northwest Federal Credit Union, NAR members, Association staff, and family members will soon have a new choice for credit: the REALTOR® Credit Card. Available to existing and new Credit Union members, this card program will include customized real estate-themed designs, exclusive REALTOR®-branding and options as well as important features such as no annual fee, a comprehensive rewards program, and competitive interest rates that you have come to expect from your Credit Union. The REALTOR® Credit Card, the official credit card of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS®, will offer a selection of designs that represent Members, both as real estate practitioners and advocates for homeownership. Designs were selected to appeal to both residential and commercial practitioners, association executives and management, as well as family members. This card program also offers the option to select a message to be imprinted beneath the cardholder's name (such as "REALTOR®", "Commercial Real Estate", "Association Management", and "Home Ownership Matters"). Be among the first to apply for the card! Plastic cards will be ready for release this coming November, however applications will be available soon. To receive notice when the application is live, request to be added to the announcement list. Follow the instructions posted at REALTOR.org/REALTORCreditCard. Should you have any questions about the REALTOR® Credit Card program or NAR's REALTOR Benefits® Program, please contact me (x8269) or a member of NAR's REALTOR Benefits® Team listed below. Sincerely, BOB G COMING SOON: REALTOR® Credit Card Program What: REALTORS® Federal Credit Union, a Division of Northwest Federal Credit Union, is now the exclusive provider of personal consumer and business credit cards for NAR members, Association staff, and family members, under the REALTOR Benefits® Program. Who: The following groups have access to joining the Credit Union and the many services and benefits it offers, including the new REALTOR® credit card: · NAR Members · National, state and local Association staff · And immediate family members may apply for the credit card. Must be a current or new account holder with the Credit Union. When: The program officially launches November 1 and during the REALTORS® Conference & Expo, November 7-10, 2014. How: To receive notice when the online credit card application is live, please follow the instructions posted at REALTOR.org/REALTORCreditCard. To join REALTORS® Federal Credit Union today, visit www.REALTORSfcu.org or call 866-295-6038.
Federal Credit Union Fact Sheet
The following fact sheet outlines the numerous financial products and services available from the Credit Union and offers a link to the new video with Christine Todd.
Originally founded by the National Association of REALTORS® in 2008, REALTORS® Federal Credit Union was the first-ever virtual credit union. Fields of membership include REALTORS® and immediate family members, NAR member boards, institutes, societies and councils, REALTOR®-owned businesses, and staff of State and Local Associations.
REALTORS® Federal Credit Union
REALTORS® Federal Credit Union, a Division of Northwest Federal Credit Union, offers a wide variety of personal and business financial products and resources, including commercial real estate lending, designed specifically for REALTORS® and REALTOR® Associations.
New Informational Video with Christine Todd
"REALTORS® Federal Credit Union, a Division of Northwest Federal Credit Union is a wonderful service of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS®," Christine said. "I promote it to my members and staff as well and encourage them to take advantage of the various services, because it's a great place for REALTORS® to conduct their business." She concluded, "we are all part of the REALTOR® family and you help support other REALTORS® when you use the Credit Union."
To view the video, click here [[https://www.dropbox.com/sh/bi3dfagqz1rcn3g/b4td_V4F9y?n=9332617]]
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Posts Tagged: rustic
Kelly + Steve
Sweet California Wedding
The fabulous Bonnie Tsang sent over this lovely California wedding earlier this week, and I'm so exited to share it with you. It has such a soft and beautiful color palette, with just the right amount of whimsical details. It reminds me of a little girl's garden party with a touch of elegance. Photos by… Read more »
Jennifer + Bill
I love being able to start the week off on Once Wed with a gorgeous real wedding! Jennifer and Bill were married in Idaho and it was all captured by the talented Jesse Leake. You can tell it was one of those days filled with laughter, love and family. All the sweet details only added to… Read more »


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BPL Community Profile
BILL BALLOWE (billinmt) - BPL Lifetime Member
You cannot send this user a personal message (PM) because they have not specified a PM email address yet.
All Forum Posts by BILL BALLOWE
Cross Buck
Usually it is the whitetail buck mating with the mule deer doe. Ways to tell are from DNA testing and sometimes the body parts especially the tail will be different. In this case the cape coloratio...
Re: real fish photos
No good fish pictures but here is a picture of a mule deer whitetail deer cross buck I harvested last fall.
Real Fish
There are real fish in Montana: trout, pike, walleye, bass, greyling, etc. Other than a few carp left to bowfish we sent the rest of the trash fish to Washington DC to spawn with the rest of the su...
Fish species
Jim, First off I like your web site. Lots of good information out there. The fish is just a carp. We bowfish a lot in Montana where they are a non-native species to our waters. This one weigh...
Re: Re: Cold water and fire does not mix
Quote from Zelph: "Keep in mind that Bill felt it safe enough to do the same experiment".... Please do not assume that because it is not so. I did not feel safe doing this experiment. ...
Cold water and fire does not mix
The new model White Box Stoves have internal wicks. After adding icy water the White Box Stove did not go out. We added 7/8" of 36 degree ice laden water to the pan and the stove floated and c...
White Box Alcohol Stove and Scouts
I've sold many dozens of my alcohol stoves to Boy Scout troops and never have I had a complaint. As long as proper instruction and supervision is given the boys they learn super fast that you c...
0aky original
Gerald, Good job on a new design and a multiple use item to boot. Can you post a link to any videos that you have done on this stove. Way to go!! Bill in MT
Define "long term storage"
JT. I don't know what they determine as long term storage but when a company won't back up a particular use of it's products that pops up a red flag to me. Most people will put fuel ...
Collapsible Fuel Bladder Use Caution
I would like to warn people who use this particular bladder for fuel storage. I am not trying to stir up a hornets here but I feel as a fellow stove builder I have a duty to make known some informa...
All Reader Reviews by BILL BALLOWE
BILL BALLOWE has posted no reviews.


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|Alcohol-induced lipid and morphological changes in chick retinal development.
MedLine Citation:
|PMID: 15166659 Owner: NLM Status: MEDLINE
|BACKGROUND: Alcohol exposure causes alterations in the lipid content of different organs and a reduction of long-chain fatty acids. During embryo development, the central nervous system is extremely vulnerable to the teratogenic effects of alcohol, and the visual system is particularly sensitive. METHODS: White Leghorn chick embryos were injected with 10- and 20-microl alcohol doses into the yolk sac at day 6 of incubation. The lipid composition of the retina was analyzed in embryos at day 7 of incubation (E7), E11, E15, and E18. The percentages of phospholipids, free cholesterol, esterified cholesterol, diacylglycerides, and free fatty acids were estimated by using an Iatroscan thin layer chromatography flame ionization detector. Gas chromatography and mass spectrometry were used to determine fatty acid composition. The morphological study was performed at E7, E11, and E19 by means of semithin and immunohistochemical techniques. RESULTS: In the retina, alcohol causes the total lipid content to change, with a remarkable increase in free cholesterol and a dramatic decrease in esterified cholesterol. Diacylglycerides and free fatty acids tend to increase. Phosphatidylcholine and phosphatidylethanolamine decrease, whereas phosphatidylserine, sphingomyelin, and phosphatidylinositol increase. The main fatty acids of the retina also undergo changes. At E7, myriotic acid increases, and oleic acid and polyunsaturated fatty acids such as arachidonic acid and docosahexaenoic acid decrease. From E18 onward, there is some recovery, except for fatty acids, which recover earlier. From a morphological point of view, alcohol effects on retinal development are various: increase of intercellular spaces in all cell layers, pyknosis with loss of cellularity in the inner nuclear cell layer and ganglion cell layer, retarded or disorderly cell migration, early cell differentiation, and loss of immunoreactivity for myelin oligodendrocyte-specific protein. CONCLUSIONS: Acute alcohol exposure during embryo development causes the lipid composition of the retina to change, with a trend to recovery in the last stages. These alterations are in line with the changes observed at a morphological level.
|Yolanda Aguilera; Valentina Ruiz-Gutiérrez; Francisco A Prada; Juan J Martínez; Adela Quesada; Manuel E Dorado
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Publication Detail:
|Type: Comparative Study; Journal Article; Research Support, Non-U.S. Gov't
Journal Detail:
|Title: Alcoholism, clinical and experimental research Volume: 28 ISSN: 0145-6008 ISO Abbreviation: Alcohol. Clin. Exp. Res. Publication Date: 2004 May
Date Detail:
|Created Date: 2004-05-28 Completed Date: 2004-09-09 Revised Date: 2006-11-15
Medline Journal Info:
|Nlm Unique ID: 7707242 Medline TA: Alcohol Clin Exp Res Country: United States
Other Details:
|Languages: eng Pagination: 816-23 Citation Subset: IM
|Instituto de Biología del Desarrollo, Facultad de Medicina, Universidad de Sevilla, Sevilla, Spain. firstname.lastname@example.com
Export Citation:
|APA/MLA Format Download EndNote Download BibTex
|MeSH Terms
Chick Embryo
Ethanol / pharmacology*
Lipid Metabolism*
Retina / drug effects*, embryology, metabolism*, pathology
Reg. No./Substance:
From MEDLINE®/PubMed®, a database of the U.S. National Library of Medicine
Previous Document: Fetal learning with ethanol: correlations between maternal hypothermia during pregnancy and neonatal...
Next Document: Acute alcohol consumption inhibits accessory cell function of monocytes and dendritic cells.


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bathed in blue
allo everyone! we made it through another week and now it's smooth sailing straight into the weekend. it was a pretty productive week over here, having help from liz was just the boost i needed to propel me forward. thank god for friends, even if you have to pay them! truth is, liz is a clothing stylist and when she has big jobs i work with her and vice versa. anyway today we put together designs for 14 pieces for the a/d show, made a book detailing the different upholstery techniques, fabrics and piping. i was having a mental block getting organized but now am now serene instead of stressed.
i'm not sure how this post evolved, but all these pics are from pinterest once again (i'm sorry i didn't label each one but you can find them on my boards at pinterest.com/parisapartment). there's so much to play with, pair up and ponder that i let it free flow, kind of rolled the dice i guess, and of all things, came up with beautiful blue bathrooms.
of course in design, there's truly something for everyone. pour moi, i love the old school stuff but get that the modern (especially in a bath), is pretty great too, especially if it's got a touch of old and new.
i'm not sure if this 'mod' bath below is so much more advanced in style and design than, say, the one at the top but i give them an A for effort in originality. there's a lot to be said for simplicity i guess and not having to clean the rock wall is an added bonus.
this one below kind of brings together old, new, rustic and mod.
ultimately, it's kind of like goldilocks, you know which one fits you best. this one fits me just right! what about you?
well, c'est tout chere friends, i'm closing up early and am suddenly in the mood for a hot bath. have a great night!


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A group of characters struggle to survive and reunite with their loved ones in a world where all forms of energy have mysteriously disappeared. From J.J. Abrams and Bryan Burk.
Monday 10 p.m. ET
–Lead-In: The Voice
-The Competition: Castle (ABC), Hawaii Five-O (CBS)
–Who Was at the Panel:
Billy Burke, Giancarlo Esposito, Tracy Spiridakos; co-executive producer Jon Favreau; and executive producer Eric Kripke.
–The Scoop:
Eric Kripke on the theme of Revolution:
"I think it's a really compelling what would happen if we all lived without electricity and in this very incredibly technologically overextended little world of ours and how would we survive, how we would find food, how would we find water, and how can we save the world and get the lights back on. But and that's a part of it. But for me it's just a really epic, fun saga. It's this journey about this family that is struggling to reunite. So it's intensely character driven, very complicated and fascinating characters who are all just struggling to come together against incredible adversity."
-The Reality:
Out of The Voice and opposite two dramas of a crime solving nature, Revolution could benefit from the lead-in support and uniqueness of the concept. There is nothing like it currently on the air. From a creative standpoint, it deserves to succeed. But since science fiction could be considered more of a niche category, Revolution may not be the mass appeal hit NBC is hoping for. And with former time period occupant Smash in search of a home in midseason, it could be facing an uphill battle. Consider the odds right in the middle.
-Chance of Survival for Revolution (Based on 1-1 to 10-1 odds):


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Neighbours tell notorious sex offender who gave pensioner HIV and is now banned from contact with children: 'We don't want you back here'
Posted: May 25, 2014|
Neighbours who were fooled into be-friending a notorious sex offender who changed his name said he is not welcome back to their village on the outskirts of Exeter.
Derek Hornett, who was jailed for deliberately infecting an 82-year-old woman with HIV, has now been banned from any contact with children.
He spent a night alone in a tent with a nine-year-old girl and detectives feared he may have been planning to procure her for two known paedophiles he befriended at a hostel for ex-offenders.
Hornett, aged 53, has also been banned from contacting North Devon child abuser Terrence Kelly and Torbay-based Michael White because of fears they may be a danger to children.
Related content
The three men met at a post-release half-way house in Teignmouth after all three had been jailed for separate sexual crimes.
Hornett, who also used the name of James Defalco, befriended a family which had young children and introduced the other two without revealing their past offending.
He gained the trust of the parent to such an extent they allowed him to take a nine-year-old girl out alone in his car and to share a tent with her in their garden.
There has been no indication of where Hornett will go after he leaves the half-way hostel. But those who had befriended Hornett as he went under the guise of 'friendly' neighbour James Defalco, and offered to mow a neighbour's lawn and fix a youngster's car, said he was not welcome back in their village near Exeter.
One said: "He was considered a good neighbour by a lot of people here. Now we know what we do we feel at risk and I hope he stays away. He will certainly not be welcome here now we know what he is capable of.
"We were shocked when we found out about his past. What sort of sicko does things like that?"
Another neighbour said: "Surely he will not show himself around here again. If he does, he will be made very clear what people here think of him".
Hornett is an HIV-infected sex offender who was banned from having any contact with anyone over 60. He was jailed for six months for breaking this strict court order.
In 2005 he was one of the first people in Britain to be jailed for recklessly infecting a partner with HIV. He admitted causing grievous bodily harm to an 82-year-old woman who he befriended.
He was jailed for three years and three months at Exeter Crown Court and after his release he moved near Exeter.
He was released in 2007 but made subject to a Sexual Offences Prevention Order (SOPO) which banned him from having any contact with anyone over 60.
He was jailed again in 2009 for a further three years at Exeter Crown Court for breaking the order by approaching vulnerable elderly women and offering to do odd jobs around their home.
He changed his name to James Defalco and was subsequently able to once again keep his past from his new neighbours.
In his latest hearing Judge Francis Gilbert, QC also extended his Sopo to prohibit unsupervised access to any child under 16.
He is now required to tell the parent or guardian of any child he meets about his criminal background, which includes a caution and a conviction for unlawful sexual intercourse.
Hornett opposed the extension of the order but Judge Gilbert agreed it was necessary after reading a report from a police public protection officer.


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Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan
We don't have an article named Main/BludgeoningAngelDokuro-chan. If you want to start this new page, just click the edit button above. Be careful, though, the only things that go in the Main namespace are tropes. Don't put in redirects for shows, books, etc.. Use the right namespace for those.


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Mar 07 2013
Online Illness Early Detection
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: "Online Illness Early Detection".
2 Responses to "Online Illness Early Detection"
# Bronze Dogon 07 Mar 2013 at 10:30 am
Unintended consequences. Yeah, that's something the internet has been producing for quite a while. There were probably a lot of naive people who thought it'd be a reliable source of scientific information for the public but didn't count on all the quacks, denialists, and time cube nuts having a forum and even organizing themselves more effectively.
# sonicon 07 Mar 2013 at 11:45 am
Google puts up prompts on searches now– when I start typing it gives a few choices as to how I might finish the search request.
I wonder if this feature doesn't skew the results.
I can see the day when Google sells the prompts to organizations so that the organizations can use the # of searches as evidence for the need for some political action.
Maybe I'm getting a bit overly cynical lately.
Leave a Reply
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- Reviews
- Gear
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July 2011
Adjusting Stratocaster Pickup Height, Pt. 2
June 14, 2011
Finding the height at which each pickup sounds best by itself.Read More
Epiphone Limited Edition Riviera Custom P93
June 14, 2011
A triple-P-90 steal with some minor work neededRead More
Shred Your Enthusiasm: The Super-Hendrix Scale
June 14, 2011
The reason that this scale is so groundbreaking to me is that it gives me something unique to do over the V chord in a blues progression.Read More
Happy Accidents
June 14, 2011
If you accidentally capture a track from a mic that was set up in the middle of nowhere, who cares?Read More
Making a Case for Attorney Rock
June 14, 2011
When lawyers, CEOs, doctors, and other big-money professionals pick up a guitar, people tend to wince.Read More
Genz Benz Streamliner 900 Bass Amp Review
June 14, 2011
The Streamliner holds true to its name with a simple, user-friendly control configuration and an all-tube, class-A preamp section.Read More
Replacing the Bridge on a '74 Gibson Flattop
June 14, 2011
As I was examining the guitar, my eyes were drawn to six black bridge pins protruding from its wafer-thin rosewood bridge and strings that were sloping over a rickety, bottomed-out plastic saddle.Read More
Dallas in Springtime
June 14, 2011
What is it like to be a dealer at a guitar show?Read More
Ode to Gear
June 14, 2011
Whether you're a bedroom player on a limited budget or touring the world in a major band, we're all in the same boat: We love gear. It makes us happy.Read More
Pignose G40V Amp Mods
June 14, 2011
If you wish to use a line out simply to send a signal to the power section of another larger head or power amp, then a very basic line out will do the job.Read More


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This is the June 20, 2013 news archive. View today's Tigers rumors and news.
Bruce Bochy: Picking Yasiel Puig for All-Star Game is 'a really long shot'
yahoo.com Updated Jun 20, 2013
As manager of the National League squad, Bruce Bochy of the San Francisco Giants has a lot of say in who makes the All-Star team. He's not an autocrat, it's not up to him alone, but he and Jim Leyland of the Tigers have more say than most people. But if…Share Tweet
Peralta Blasts Tigers Past Red SoxJun 20Baseball Tonight Spotlight: Jhonny Peralta hit a two-run homer in the ninth to give the Tigers a 4-3 win over the Red Sox.
Sports Columnists
2013 NBA playoffs -- say so long to Spurs as we know them?Jun 20San Antonio didn't look like same team that brought it to Game 7 of NBA Finals.
NBA unlikely to approve moves involving Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Cli…Jun 20The proposed trade of Kevin Garnett to the Los Angeles Clippers and corresponding transaction that would transport Doc Rivers from the Boston Celtics bench to L.A.'s are unlikely to be approved by the league office, according to sources close to the pro…
Los Angeles Clippers focused on getting Doc Rivers from Boston Celtics, ma…Jun 20The Los Angeles Clippers have a new strategy in the wake of David Stern's public comments Thursday expressing serious misgivings about the legitimacy of the proposed trade of Kevin Garnett and corresponding transaction that would transport Doc Rivers fr…
NFL - Fullback, tight end positions in transitionJun 20While the role of fullbacks has been marginalized, the importance of tight ends continues to increase, writes John Clayton.


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See previous posts on nitrogen: Importance of Nitrogen in Winemaking, Yeast Assimilable Nitrogen - Part I
Once the YAN level is determined for a particular juice/must, the winemaker can decide how much and when additional nitrogen will be required (this is not an exact science, but the chart here gives a pretty good estimation of the total amount of YAN required through fermentation; basic rule is the higher the brix, the higher required YAN).
The most common nitrogen supplement used in the wine industry is
diammonium phosphate (DAP). DAP provides approximately one-fourth of its weight in assimilable nitrogen (to be extact, 100 ppm of DAP will provide 22.5 ppm of assimilable nitrogen). It is often used in conjunction with
proprietary fermentation nutrient blends (most of which provide small amounts of nitrogen, but more importantly essential micro-nutrients). Winemakers need to be cautious about overusing DAP; yeast will preferentially take up ammonia ions over amino acids, whose synthesis provides a significant source of aroma and flavor precursors.
Timing is a major concern when planning nitrogen supplementation of juice/must. Depending on how much nitrogen is required, I
like to add approximately half at the beginning of fermentation and the
remainder after approximately one-third brix decrease; this provides the yeast with a steadier
nitrogen supply to carry through the end of fermentation and, if necessary, leaves room for a small addition if undesirable odor/flavor appears later in ferment.
It is not wise to add it all prior to inoculation; high YAN levels at the beginning of fermentation promotes rapid cell growth that can lead to overpopulation of yeast. This in turn depletes YAN at an abnormally high rate and leads to a lot of unhappy yeast producing undesirable odors and flavors through the duration of fermentation. On the other hand, nitrogen supplementation late in ferment is often useless; yeast can uptake nitrogen throughout their growth phase, but alcohol inhibits uptake about halfway or two-thirds through fermentation (i.e. with 8-10° brix left when starting with 22° brix). This means late supplementation of nitrogen will basically have little or no effect on fermentation kinetics or undesirable odor/flavor production; that being said, I know plenty of winemakers (I admit I have done this on rare occasions as well) that will add nitrogen down to 5° brix in the hopes of reviving a troublesome ferment.
Also read Yeast Assimilable Nitrogen - Part II (Comment Responses)


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Homemade Extracts — The Easy Way!
Homemade Extracts
Makes 1 cup each extract
cinnamon extract:
1 cup brandy
4 cinnamon sticks
vanilla extract:
1 cup brandy
3 vanilla beans, split with the "caviar" scraped out
orange extract:
1 cup high quality vodka
peel of 5 oranges, ALL pith removed
lemon extract:
1 cup high quality vodka
peel of 5 lemons, ALL pith removed
grapefruit extract:
1 cup high quality vodka
peel of 3 ruby red grapefruits, ALL pith removed
1. For each extract ,sterilize a 16 ounce jar and fill with the cinnamon sticks, vanilla beans or citrus peels.
2. Pour assigned liquor over each jar and tightly seal. Gently shake each jar and set aside in a dark, cool area.
3. Allow mixtures to infuse for at least 2 weeks before, straining and bottling for use.
**Gently shake each mixture up every couple of days.
Photos: Courtesy of Spoon Fork Bacon


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December 1, 2015
ENNIS, Mont. (AP) - About 500 wild horses have arrived so far at the Spanish Q Ranch in western Montana as Bureau of Land Management officials work to reassure neighboring landowners about the long-term holding facility.
The Montana Standard reports the horses, all geldings, began arriving Feb. 27.
Officials say about 700 horses will eventually be held at the 15,456-acre ranch with the remaining 200 arriving by Friday.
The Spanish Q near Ennis has a 10-year contract with the BLM to house the horses at a cost of $1.36 per animal per day, much less than the average $5.50 cost at short-term facilities in Wyoming, Colorado, Nevada, Utah, and Oklahoma.
The ranch will hold horses that have been captured to control population levels on public land and have not been adopted.
Click Here to access the online Public Inspection File
Viewers with disabilities can get assistance accessing this station's FCC Public Inspection File by contacting the station with the information listed below. Questions or concerns relating to the accessibility of the FCC's online public file system should be directed to the FCC at 888-225-5322, 888-835-5322 (TTY), or firstname.lastname@example.com.


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The following divorce decrees are part of the public record at Franklin County Courthouse. They are published by Public Opinion as a service to readers. The order of the names does not denote who is the plaintiff. All divorce decrees are published.
Angel L. Kurtz, Chambersburg, and Chad M. Kurtz, Chambersburg. They were married Jan. 26, 2009.
Brittany Nichole Higgins, Thurmont, Md., and Robert William Higgins, Greencastle. They were married June 23, 2007.
Cherie Lynn Thomas, Hagerstown, Md., and Jimmy Lane Thomas Jr., Chambersburg. They were married Nov. 30, 2007.


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By Honey on Aug 8, 2008 in Featured, Sex | comments(15)
I just finished my second week at a new job (though it won't feel official until my first paycheck next Friday, when I can finally stop living off my savings). My job is 25 freeway miles away from my house, so I have to get up pretty early in order to be there by eight. This has had several ripple effects in my sleep pattern and my sex drive, and also gotten me thinking a lot more about the BF's sleep pattern and his sex drive, and I'm starting to realize just how huge a deal these sorts of things can become. Continued


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By Matt Snyder
Twins first baseman Justin Morneau has been shut down for the season, much like catcher Joe Mauer was last week. Morneau hadn't played since August 28 as some post-concussion symptoms lingered, but he'll also now have a cyst removed from his left knee (Rhett Bollinger via Twitter).
To say this season has been an utter disaster for the Twins would be an understatement. Morneau and Mauer only combined to play 151 games. Heading into Sunday, only three players have even appeared in more than 100 games (Jason Kubel is sitting at 99). With all those injury issues, the fact that the Twins are sitting with their worst winning percentage since the strike-shortened 1995 season isn't all too surprising.
Morneau, 30, finishes the season hitting .227/.285/.333 with four home runs and 30 RBI in just 69 games. This is a four-time All-Star and one-time MVP who also finished second in MVP voting once. So, yeah, Morneau's 2011 season is a microcosm for his Twins' season in that it's a complete disappointment.
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Blog Entry
Morneau's disappointing season over
Posted on: September 18, 2011 12:42 pm
Category: MLB
Tags: AL Central, Justin Morneau, Matt Snyder, Twins
Since: Dec 2, 2011
Posted on: December 20, 2011 1:41 pm
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Since: Dec 2, 2011
Posted on: December 18, 2011 6:19 am
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Since: Dec 2, 2011
Posted on: December 7, 2011 8:34 pm
Morneau's disappointing season over
Now i'm truthfully particularly completely clean to positively wordpress. still what you should document with this particular word wide web log is actually superior and intensely valuable.
Since: Jul 17, 2009
Posted on: September 19, 2011 12:31 am
Morneau's disappointing season over
I agree, as a south dakotan, we generally root for the Twins as I do after the Angels.
I like to see the Twins win but it is odd how the million dollar man Mauer is consistantly banged up.
I think there is more going on with his lack of playing than what they r leading us to believe. I think '
He is more beat up than what they r telling us. The "Golden Boy" of Minnesota would play no matter what if
he wasn't hurt. Him and alot of the Twins players are the type of players i would love to have to build
a franchise around. It is just a bad luck yr. for the Twinkies i hope........for Twins fans anyway.
Since: Feb 8, 2008
Posted on: September 18, 2011 4:41 pm
Morneau's disappointing season over
Poor guy won't ever play at the same level again. I feel badly for the Twins, they're swamped with guys made of tin foil.