text:
Discussion in 'Step III' started by DrTacoElf, 09.14.12.
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Anyone use stat for everything or would you be penalized?
No one knows how it's scored, but why would you choose to depart from the norm on a test that measures your ability to conform to the norms of medical practice?
As a general rule, you are indicating severity.
STAT for inpatient cases
Routine for non-inpatient cases
Separate names with a comma.


text:
How did Abraham Lincoln understand the relationship between principles of the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution? In this lesson students will examine Lincoln's "Fragment on the Constitution and Union" a brief but insightful reflection on the importance of the ideal of individual liberty to the constitutional structure and operation of the American union written in the last days of December 1860 when his election as president had brought the crisis of the American "house divided" to a head.
This lesson focuses on the chief objections of the Anti-federalists, especially The Federal Farmer (Richard Henry Lee), Centinel, and Brutus, regarding the extended republic. Students become familiar with the larger issues surrounding this debate, including the nature of the American Union, the difficulties of uniting such a vast territory with a diverse multitude of regional interests, and the challenges of maintaining a free republic as the American people moved toward becoming a nation rather than a mere confederation of individual states.
This lesson plan looks at the major ideas in the Declaration of Independence, their origins, the Americans' key grievances against the King and Parliament, their assertion of sovereignty, and the Declaration's process of revision. Upon completion of the lesson, students will be familiar with the document's origins, and the influences that produced Jefferson's "expression of the American mind."
This lesson plan highlights the importance of First Amendment rights by examining Norman Rockwell's painting of The Four Freedoms. Students discover the First Amendment in action as they explore their own community and country through newspapers, art, and role playing.
More Americans lost their lives in the Civil War than in any other conflict. How did the United States arrive at a point at which the South seceded and some families were so fractured that brother fought brother?
A complex series of events led to the Civil War. The lessons in this unit are designed to help students develop a foundation on which to understand the basic disagreements between North and South. Through the investigation of primary source documents —photographs, census information and other archival documents—students gain an appreciation of everyday life in the North and South, changes occurring in the lives of ordinary Americans, and some of the major social and economic issues of the years before the Civil War.
The Civil War erupted after a long history of compromises and sectional debates over representation, federalism, tariffs and territories. Though many of the political differences are beyond the scope of the intermediate curriculum, students can use their analysis of archival documents to begin to appreciate the differences between the North and South and the changes afoot in the United States that contributed to the developing conflict.
Before you begin to teach this unit, review the suggested activities and familiarize yourself with the websites involved. Select, download and duplicate, as necessary, any documents you want the class to use.
For the census activity in Lesson 3, either the teacher or students will need to keep a calculator at hand.
You may wish to provide students with a copy of the Document Analysis Worksheet, available through the EDSITEment resource The Digital Classroom, to guide them as they review the documents in this unit.
The purpose of this lesson is to prepare students with background information for understanding the causes of the Civil War. You can find information on the causes of the Civil War, accessible through a link from the EDSITEment resource The Internet Public Library.
In September of 1787, the delegates to the Convention in Philadelphia presented their work to the American public for ratification. The proposed Constitution marked a clear departure from the Articles of Confederation, which had essentially established a federal "league of friendship" between thirteen sovereign and largely independent states. Under the newly proposed plan of government, the union between the states would be strengthened under a national government that derived its authority—at least in part—directly from the American people rather than purely from the state legislatures. And under the new Constitution, the people would be represented equally in the House, regardless of the state in which they lived—unlike the Articles of Confederation, according to which the Continental Congress equally represented the states. In other words, the proposed Constitution would make the United States a nation of one people rather than a loose confederation of states.
The proposed Constitution, and the change it wrought in the nature of the American Union, spawned one of the greatest political debates of all time. In addition to the state ratifying conventions, the debates also took the form of a public conversation, mostly through newspaper editorials, with Anti-federalists on one side objecting to the Constitution, and Federalists on the other supporting it. Writers from both sides tried to persuade the public that precious liberty and self-government, hard-earned during the late Revolution, were at stake in the question.
Anti-federalists such as the Federal Farmer, Centinel, and Brutus argued that the new Constitution would eventually lead to the dissolution of the state governments, the consolidation of the Union into "one great republic" under an unchecked national government, and as a result the loss of free, self-government. Brutus especially believed that in such an extensive and diverse nation, nothing short of despotism "could bind so great a country under one government." Federalists such as James Madison (writing as Publius) countered that it was precisely a large nation, in conjunction with a well-constructed system of government, which would help to counter the "mortal disease" of popular governments: the "dangerous vice" of majority faction. In an extended republic, interests would be multiplied, Madison argued, making it difficult for a majority animated by one interest to unite and oppress the minority. If such a faction did form, a frame of government that included "auxiliary precautions" such as separation of powers and legislative checks and balances would help to prevent the "factious spirit" from introducing "instability, injustice, and confusion … into the public councils."
In this unit, students will examine the arguments of Anti-federalists against and Federalists for the extended republic that would result from the new Constitution. They will become familiar with some of the greatest thinkers on both sides of the argument and their reasons for opposing or supporting the Constitution. They will learn why Anti-federalists believed that a large nation could not long preserve liberty and self-government. They will also learn why Federalists such as James Madison believed that a large nation was vital to promote justice and the security of rights for all citizens, majority and minority alike. Finally, students will see the seriousness of the question as one that both sides believed would determine the happiness, liberty, and safety of future generations of Americans.
Review each lesson plan. Locate and bookmark suggested materials and links from EDSITEment-reviewed websites. Download and print out selected documents and duplicate copies as necessary for student viewing.
These Text Documents contain excerpted versions of the documents used in the activities, as well as questions for students to answer.
Analyzing primary sources:
If your students lack experience in dealing with primary sources, you might use one or more preliminary exercises to help them develop these skills. The Learning Page at the American Memory Project of the Library of Congress includes a set of such activities. Another useful resource is the Digital Classroom of the National Archives, which features a set of Document Analysis Worksheets.
After the debacle of the one-party presidential campaign of 1824, a new two-party system began to emerge. Strong public reaction to perceived corruption in the vote in the House of Representatives, as well as the popularity of Andrew Jackson, allowed Martin Van Buren to organize a Democratic Party that resurrected a Jeffersonian philosophy of minimalism in the federal government. This new party opposed the tendencies of National Republicans such as John Quincy Adams and Henry Clay to invest more power in the federal government. Van Buren built a political machine to support Jackson in the 1828 election. Van Buren's skills helped give the Democrats a head start on modern-style campaigning and a clear advantage in organization. The Democrats and Jackson defeated the National Republicans in 1828 and 1832 and maintained their hold on the presidency when they bested the Whigs—a union of former National Republicans, Antimasons, and some states' rights advocates—in 1836. But a major economic depression in 1837 finally gave the Whigs their best chance to occupy the White House. They faced Andrew Jackson's political organizer, vice president, and handpicked successor, President Martin Van Buren, vying for a second term in the midst of hard times.
As they prepared for the election of 1840, both Democrats and Whigs were organized for campaigning on a national scale. In an election that would turn out an astounding 80 percent of a greatly expanded electorate, campaigners sought to appeal to a wide range of voters in a variety of voting blocks. The contest between Martin Van Buren and William Henry Harrison marked the first truly modern presidential campaign, with methods today's students are sure to recognize.
Lessons in this unit allow students to become familiar with the issues and personalities and to review an assortment of primary documents. As students analyze them, they reflect on the presidential campaign of 1840. How was it conducted? What was the role of campaign advertising? How crucial were issues to the election of William Henry Harrison? How crucial was image?
Our political problem now is "Can we, as a nation, continue together permanently—forever—half slave, and half free?" The problem is too mighty for me. May God, in his mercy, superintend the solution.
—Abraham Lincoln to George Robertson, August 15, 1855
In this unit, students will trace the development of sectionalism in the United States as it was driven by the growing dependence upon, and defense of, black slavery in the southern states. Initially seen as contrary to freedom but tolerated in order to produce the U.S. Constitution, by the 1830s the "peculiar institution" found advocates who saw it as a "positive good." Its expansion into Missouri, southern outrage over federal tariffs, and westward expansion into new territory produced a volatile and persistent debate over slavery that increasingly threatened to divide the American union. By 1860, the nation found an old Democratic Party split over the right to extend slavery into federal territory, and a new Republican Party nominating an anti-slavery, though not abolitionist, president. When Abraham Lincoln's election produced no national consensus to settle the matter of slavery's future, a southern "secession" sealed the fate of the Union.
What characterized the debates over American slavery and the power of the federal government for the first half of the 19th century? How did regional economies and political events produce a widening split between free and slaveholding states in antebellum America? Who were the key figures and what were their arguments regarding the legitimacy of slavery and the proper role of the national government in resolving its future in the American republic? This unit of study will equip students to answer these questions through the use of interactive maps, primary texts, and comparative biographies.
Upon completing the lessons in this unit, students should be able to do the following:
Review each lesson plan. Locate and bookmark suggested materials and other useful websites. Download and print out documents you will use and duplicate copies as necessary for student viewing.
Download the blackline masters for this lesson, available here as a PDF. Print out and make an appropriate number of copies of any handouts you plan to use in class.
Each activity in this unit of study is designed for use as a stand-alone lesson, comprising three forty-five minute class periods. Taken all together, the lessons provide an overview of the causes of sectionalism that led to the American Civil War. Since available time and curriculum needs vary by classroom, the following guidelines for use are provided:
Another approach you can use is to skim each lesson plan to see what specific activities each offers and choose only those that suit specific course objectives and content. Each lesson plan indicates how best to streamline that lesson's content and will suggest essential versus more rigorous treatment of a given subject.
Q. Who was called the "Father of the Constitution"? A. James Madison, of Virginia, because in point of erudition and actual contributions to the formation of the Constitution, he was preeminent.
—From Constitution Q and A on the EDSITEment resource Digital Classroom
…if the letter of the Constitution is strictly adhered to, and if no flexibility is allowed, no power could be exercised by Congress, and all the good that might be reasonably expected from an efficient government would be entirely frustrated.
— James Madison, February 2, 1791, from James Madison Debates the Constitutionality of a National Bank on The James Madison Center, a link from the EDSITEment-reviewed website The American President
The Framers gave us a document durable and flexible enough to take us from the agrarian land of the 18th century, of the musket, the axe and the plow-to the country we know today, of the Internet and the human genome and a thousand different cultures living together in one nation like a glittering mosaic.
—Michael Beschloss at the ceremony to unveil page two of the Constitution in its new encasement, September 15, 2000, in the Rotunda of the National Archives Building, Washington, D.C. (available on the EDSITEment resource Digital Classroom)
Even in its first 30 years of existence, the U.S. Constitution had to prove its durability and flexibility in a variety of disputes. More often than not, James Madison, the "Father of the Constitution," took part in the discussion. Madison had been present at the document's birth as the mastermind behind the so-called Virginia Plan. He had worked tirelessly for its ratification including authoring 29 Federalist Papers, and he continued to be a concerned guardian of the Constitution as it matured. However, it should be noted that Madison chose not to allow his notes from the Constitutional Convention to be published until after his death,
In the early years of the Republic, Madison held a variety of offices, both appointed and elected. At other times, he was part of the loyal opposition. Both in office and out, he played an important role in the continuing debate [stet]. Virtually every important event was precedent-setting, raising crucial questions about how the constitution should be interpreted and implemented. How should the Constitution be applied to situations not specified in the text? How can balance be achieved between the power of the states and that of the federal government? How can a balance of power be achieved among the three branches of the federal government? In this curriculum unit, Madison's words will help students understand the constitutional issues involved in some controversies that arose during Madison's presidency.
The traditional religions of Great Britain's North American colonies—Puritanism in New England and Anglicanism farther south—had difficulty maintaining their holds over the growing population. The main reason for this was that the frontier kept pushing further west, and the building of churches almost never kept up with this westward movement. This did not, however, result in a wholesale decline in religiosity among Americans. In fact, the most significant religious development of 18th century America took place along the frontier, in the form of the Great Awakening (often called the "First Great Awakening" to distinguish it from a similar movement that occurred in the first half of the 19th century).
The First Great Awakening was largely the work of itinerant preachers such as John Wesley and George Whitefield, who addressed huge audiences both in the major cities and in remote frontier villages. In contrast to the older faiths, these preachers preached a doctrine that deemphasized traditional church structure, ceremony, and even clergy. Relying heavily on emotional appeals, which remain a feature of modern-day "tent revivals," they stressed the importance of a personal relationship with God and of the responsibility to God that came along with it. This movement, thanks in particular to its ministry to those on the frontier, fundamentally changed the religious landscape of English America. Membership in the older, established sects such as Puritan Congregationalism and Anglicanism fell into decline, while the newer evangelical sects—Presbyterians in the North, Baptists and Methodists further south—surged in size and influence. By the time of the American Revolution a majority—perhaps as many as 80 percent of the population—identified with the new faiths.
The movement also had a powerful political dimension, particularly in the southern colonies. The Anglican faith had long nurtured the old ties between the colonies and the Mother Country. Baptists and Methodists, however, felt no such connection. Moreover, as the new sects emphasized personal belief and action over traditional church structures, they were less willing than their older counterparts to accept America's continued submission to Great Britain. As a result, scriptural defenses of the cause of independence could be heard coming from growing numbers of preachers throughout the colonies.
Of course, the new movement did not carry all before it. Traditional Anglicanism still remained powerful, particularly in the coastal cities of the southern colonies, and it was mainly from this sect that the Loyalist cause during the Revolution drew its strength. In addition, the First Great Awakening had little impact on sects such as the Quakers, who, as pacifists, refused to participate in the Revolution at all. Moreover, it should be noted that not all of the revolutionaries were driven by religious motives; such prominent patriots as Thomas Jefferson and Thomas Paine, for example, were deeply skeptical of all organized religion (although they certainly used scripture-based arguments), and had little but disdain for the emotional fervor of the evangelicals. Nevertheless the First Great Awakening had a dramatic effect on early America, not only altering its religious makeup, but helping to pave the way for the nation's independence.
This curriculum unit will, through the use of primary documents, introduce students to the First Great Awakening, as well as to the ways in which religious-based arguments were used both in support of and against the American Revolution.
Review the lesson plan. Locate and bookmark suggested materials and links from EDSITEment-reviewed websites used in this lesson. Download and print out selected documents and duplicate copies as necessary for student viewing. Alternatively, excerpted versions of these documents are available as part of the downloadable PDF.
Download the Text Document for this lesson, available here as a PDF. This file contains excerpted versions of the documents used in all three activities, as well as questions for students to answer. Print out and make an appropriate number of copies of the handouts you plan to use in class.
If your students lack experience in dealing with primary sources, you might use one or more preliminary exercises to help them develop these skills. The Learning Page at the American Memory Project of the Library of Congress includes a set of such activities. Another useful resource is the Digital Classroom of the National Archives, which features a set of Document Analysis Worksheets.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
(678): View more from Georgia
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
someone just got arrested on campus...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"


text:
Edited by Dorrin Gingerich
A Separation, the Oscar-winning foreign film about an Iranian family, begins when the parents decide to part ways. Nader Lavasani (Peyman Moadi) feels duty-bound to care for his father, who has been stricken with Alzheimer's, but his wife, Simin (Leila Hatami), wants to leave Iran in hopes of a better future and more opportunity for their daughter. When the two separate (not yet formally divorced), Nader, a banker, hires a woman to take care of his father while he goes to work each day. Soon a dispute arises concerning her treatment of Nader's father. Relations between Nader and his wife and daughter become even more strained when the family faces a lawsuit brought by the hired woman after the altercation. To tell more would be to forfeit some of the experience. I wouldn't call it a typical mystery, but a big part of the film's appeal is finding out exactly who did what, i.e. what happened and who is at fault.
What Worked - This film's greatest asset is the empathy generated by each one of its characters. At first, though most characters intrigued me in their own way, I found myself firmly on Nader's side. As the movie continued, however, I became less comfortable with his actions and more understanding of others on different sides of the central conflict. Each character receives this treatment, acting admirably sometimes, and dishonestly other times. Even so, I never started disliking them when they acted stubbornly or bent the truth. I could so clearly see their goals and understand their situations, that I often found it difficult to say I wouldn't act the same. A Separation succeeds in constructing a situation so complex, yet realistic, that the characters cannot be neatly defined as 'good' or 'bad.' Some movies try for this kind of realism and end up with a cast of demanding, unlikable jerks. A Separation avoids that trap by showing the critical stakes motivating each character, the sacrifice as well as the selfishness. Also A Separation opens a window into Iranian society, an interesting and seldom-seen perspective. Watching the pronounced role religion played in the whole drama was an enlightening, unexpected bonus.
What Didn't Work - As a critically acclaimed foreign film, just as any viewer might guess, it's rather slow-moving. In A Separation, a pause or a glance can contain just as much meaning as a line of dialog. Excellent, but perhaps not for everyone. Unfortunately, the script also includes a few "red herrings" solely to make us consider certain possibilities; these scenes added to the length, but not to the substance of the film, ultimately.
Overall - A moving and human slice of life, populated by complex characters. The performances and the script draw us into the tale, and we easily resonate with the story of each character. I highly recommend this movie to any one looking for a well-made drama.
A quote from the movie -
Termeh - Didn't you say it's not serious?
Nader - It got serious.
So what do you think? Do you enjoy foreign films?


text:
MIP-TV ends on comfortable note
MIP-TV, the spring TV programmes market in Cannes, closed on a modestly positive note yesterday. Market chief, Rene Pires said that some 9,024 delegates had taken part. That was down 11% on last year's figure of 10,104, but was better than he had hoped for given the world's current political turmoil. Many delegates who did attend said it felt like a greater proportion was missing and many clearly cut short their stay to just two or three days.
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text:
Yet another forehead-meet-wall moment courtesy of AP.
"The AP is using their Twitter feed to tweet out their stories — nothing new there, obviously — but every single one of them links to the story on their Facebook Notes page. It's not clear how long they've been doing this, but Search Engine Land's Danny Sullivan noted the oddness of this, and how annoying it is, tonight. The AP obviously has a ton of media partners, and they could easily link to any of those, or even the story hosted on their own site. But no, instead they're copying all these stories to their Facebook page and linking there for no apparent reason."
"In what critics are calling "musicblogocide 2010", Google has deleted at least six popular music blogs that it claims violated copyright law. These sites, hosted by Google's Blogger and Blogspot services, received notices only after their sites – and years of archives – were wiped from the internet."
Surprisingly well-designed govt site on distracted driving.


text:
Press Release Distribution
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voice talent Press Releases+ XML/RSS
By Steven Lowell Community Development Guru
Since starting in 2003, Voice123 has gone from posting just under 100 jobs for voice talent a month, and now in 2010 averaged over 1000 voice jobs a month, and continues to grow.
By Voices.com
One of the top voice over artists and coaches in North America joins Voice Over Experts to share how voice talent can nurture past relationships and build new ones in 2011.
By Steven Lowell
Voice123, as of December 15th, 2010, is already less than 200 projects shy for voice over jobs posted all last December 2009.
By Steven Lowell Community Dev. Manager
Voice123 uses Meetup.com to organize meetings with users of the voice talent community
By Voices.com
Paula Lin moves her voice over business, The Definitive Voice & Word, from D.C. to Connecticut to get back in touch with her roots.
By Voices.com
Frank Piazza and Ellie Devers of APVoices present their podcast lesson on Voice Over Experts teaching talent what it's like at a recording session from the directors point of view.
By Voices.com
Voice actor and coach, Deb Munro, teaches female voice over artists how they can book more character work if only they'd be willing to take more risks with their performance like their male counterparts.
By Voices.com
Voice artist and professional narrator Michael L. Turnbull released a number of fresh voice samples promoting his voice over talent.
By audio'connell Voice Over Talent
Time Warner Cable secured voice actor Peter K. O'Connell as their radio campaign's announcer.
By Voices.com
Top voice over coach, Pat Fraley, appears on Voice Over Experts with his lesson on improv in the voice over industry.
By Voices.com
Voices.com is sponsoring FaffCon, an unconference that will bring voice over professionals from the United States and beyond together to learn, collaborate and be inspired.
By ProComm Voices
Industry leading voice over provider changes name to reflect emphasis on voice talent.
By Lindsay Abbott
Re-launch of Lindsay Abbott |Voice Over Artist website gets a thundering new look - 6 August 2010
By Entrepreneur, Inc
Professional voice talent records your greeting up to 2 minutes describing YOUR product or services. Free lifetime Voicemail Box, toll free number and greeting setup in 24 hours.
By Voiceover Index
VoiceoverIndex.com is celebrating the launch of the newest voice over directory on the internet. Poised to become the 'Yellow Pages' of voice over talent.
By New York Worldwide Newspaper®
Jeffsounds Productions is the Right Choice and the Right Voice. Visit www.jeffsounds.com for valuable services.
By audio'connell Voice Over Talent
National Voice Talent O'Connell Chosen As Promo Announcer for New PBS Web Series
By Kory Spoanugle
Ashley huyge has launched her new female voiceover talent website!
By Spring Hill Studio PRoductions
Spring Hill Studio Productions has announced the launch of their comprehensive new website, with audio production services for businesses and songwriters. Visitors can partake of a variety of freebies, helpful links and "sound" advice.
By SunSpots Productions
As one of the founding members and manager of SunSpots Productions Orlando studios team, Zak Miller has decided to "put out his shingle" and work as a full-time voiceover announcer.
By Adam Behr
HOLLYWOOD, California, May 29, 2009 International voice-over artist Adam Behr was selected as the voices of the Sleestak Skull characters, for a major scene in the film "Land of the Lost", with Will Ferrell. The film will be released on June 5.
By David Houston Voiceovers
Professional voice over talent David Houston has agreed to be represented by Ryan Artists talent agency.
By audio'connell voice over talent
To promote its two new hit comedies, Head Case and Party Down, Starz® Entertainment secured the voice over talents of Peter K. O'Connell
By Anthony Richardson - OverVoice
Anthony Richardson - OverVoice, a leading British professional voice over artist specialising in cost effective, Received Pronunciation (accent-free), voice overs for film, television, radio, animation and audiobooks launches re-designed website.
By Voices.com
Well known voice over artist, documentary narrator, and promo announcer Harvey Gold has recently signed on as a Platinum voice at Voices.com.
By Voices.com
San Francisco based voice actor and instructor J.S. Gilbert shows voice actors the other side of the business by becoming problem solvers for clients on his debut episode published this week on the Voice Over Experts Podcast at Voices.com.
By Voices.com
Revered voice over coach and performer Pat Fraley shares knowledge about voice over genres and styles in his most recent Voice Over Experts Podcast at Voices.com.
By Voices.com
Branding expert and voice coach Nancy Wolfson outlines the pistons in the VO engine in her second podcast lecture on the Voice Over Experts Podcast at Voices.com.
By Voices.com
Phyllis K. Day shares how she helped a voice actor from the southern US drop Walter Cronkite voice styling in her second episode on the Voice Over Experts Podcast at Voices.com.
By Erica Bontje
Voices.com, the voice over marketplace, is wowing the industry with an innovation in marketing and public relations through their most recent service offering, the Platinum membership.
By Voices.com
Anthony Reece, character voice actor and voice over instructor, was recently a featured presenter on the industry renowned podcast, Voice Over Experts.
By Voices.com
The team from Break Into Voice Over, Nancy Wolfson and Anna Vocino, discuss some demo faux pas to avoid in order to help voice talent get it right on game day.
By Voices.com
Voiceover coach Marc Cashman instructs the Voice Over Experts audience on listening objectively to help bring their voice-acting careers to the next level.
By Voices.com
Bettye Zoller shares tidbits from her new audiobook on getting work as an audiobook narrator in her most recent episode on the Voice Over Experts Podcast at Voices.com.
By Voices.com
Mike Kirby presents listeners of the Voice Over Experts podcast with a step through the looking glass and examines what it means to be a professional announcer and commercial voice talent.
By Voices.com
Phyllis K. Day analyzes "before and after" voice coaching consultations in her first episode on the Voice Over Experts Podcast at Voices.com.
By Voices.com
The leading voice over marketplace has come full circle with fulfilled promises for their Spring '08 Release.
By SunSpots Productions
SunSpots Productions' Zak Miller, Celebrates 10 years and 7,000 sessions at SunSpots Florida Studios
By SunSpots Productions
Now There's One Source for Training and Gear to Become A Voice Talent
By Voices.com
David Bourgeois, President and Creative Director of Voice Coaches, gives a gift to voice actors in the form of his most recent on Voice Over Experts.
By Voices.com
Who said it just takes a pretty voice to make it in voice acting? Voice actors discover the secrets of Internet marketing from the experts at Voices.com, the #1 voice over marketplace.
By Voices.com
A first for the voice over industry, SaVoa aims to accredit all professional voice over artists, regardless of location, to preserve their art while recognizing people who produce broadcast-quality audio.
By Voices.com
Voice Talent Jason McCoy's elevator speech garnered him the grand prize at Voices.com's 2007 60 Second Pitch Contest this summer.
By Voices.com
Voice Actors now have their very own business plan template made specifically for freelance talent to build their dream voice acting business upon or update their current operations from.
By Voices.com
Voice actors Jason McCoy, Vicki Amorose, and Troy Lund took home over $4000.00 worth of prizes combined through the Voices.com 60 Second Pitch Contest.
By Voices.com
Voices.com, the voice over marketplace, is featuring articles on various branches of the voice over ecosystem this week on the VOX Daily Voice Actor's Blog.
By Voices.com
Voices.com showcases German voice talent during their Worldly Voices Week on the VOX Daily Industry Blog.
By Voices.com
Voices.com showcases French voice talents during their Worldly Voices Week on the VOX Daily Voice Actors Blog.
By Cheryl Fall, Audiovisual Director
CTS LanguageLink, a full-service Interpretation, Translation and Localization firm with over 25 years of trusted multilingual communication in more than 120 languages, has expanded its audiovisual department.
By Anthony Richardson - OverVoice
London, United Kingdom, July 12, 2007 --(PRLog.org)-- Anthony Richardson is a leading British professional voice over artist specialising in cost effective accent-free voice overs for film, television, radio, animation and audiobooks.
Page updated every 10 minutes


text:
NCI Dictionary of Cancer Terms
The NCI Dictionary of Cancer Terms features 7,863 terms related to cancer and medicine.
Browse the dictionary by selecting a letter of the alphabet or by entering a cancer-related word or phrase in the search box.
The search textbox has an autosuggest feature. When you enter three or more characters, a list of up to 10 suggestions will popup under the textbox. Use the arrow keys to move through the suggestions. To select a suggestion, hit the enter key. Using the escape key closes the listbox and puts you back at the textbox. The radio buttons allow you to toggle between having all search items start with or contain the text you entered in the search box.
- Gazyva
- listen (guh-ZY-vuh)
A drug used with another drug to treat chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) that has not already been treated. It is also being studied in the treatment of other types of cancer. Gazyva binds to a protein called CD20, which is found on B cells (a type of white blood cell) and some types of leukemia cells. This may help the immune system kill cancer cells. Gazyva is a type of monoclonal antibody. Also called obinutuzumab.


text:
Re: Probation is broken again.Roush Mar 13, 2013 10:09 AM (in response to trialstardragon)
How did you get probation in the first place? I have yet to have this happen to me and all I play is HC now. Just curious.
Re: Probation is broken again.trialstardragon Mar 13, 2013 10:24 AM (in response to Roush)
Left three matches because of lag, then had a host migration that failed got the warning, my system froze on my next game, restarted it, came back and was on probation. Went and played league for 4 matches, enough to place in the tdm series, went to check on my probation in the regular and it was still there setting at 4:55, the same number it was when I first went to play League.
Takes about 4-6 quits for any reason and you get it. But they have to be in a period of less than 2 hours it seems. Over 4 and it either resets the count or lowers the number held against you.
Re: Probation is broken again.Restore_Hardcore Mar 13, 2013 7:40 PM (in response to trialstardragon)
You agreed to the terms of service, deal with it! Not so cool when someone throws that in ur face is it?
Re: Probation is broken again.trialstardragon Mar 14, 2013 2:16 AM (in response to Restore_Hardcore)
It has nothing to do wiht the ToS it has everything to do with how the feature is meant to work. 5 minutes is 5 minutes. not five minues only if left at that screen. it is a flaw in how it works and it had this problem before but was fixed. Obvisouly with the patch to bring out the MT' it broke it again. Because you could go to private match, or League and it would still count down.
Plus it should not freeze the timer if the game is turned off. It should read the system clock and know that the 5 minutes has passed and remove the probation at that point.
Re: Probation is broken again.Restore_Hardcore Mar 14, 2013 10:16 AM (in response to trialstardragon)
I get it. Just remember how the HC FFA players felt when they took away the mode, you trolled hard and brought up the ToS. It's different yet the same. Probation is for those who quit, with the small exception to those who get kicked due to a faulty internet connection. I've never been put on probation cause I finish the fight, lag or no lag. If you're lagging hard then find a nice corner to get easy kills from and leave when the game is finished.
Re: Probation is broken again.xSaburau Mar 13, 2013 9:43 PM (in response to trialstardragon)
I got it for quitting out of too many games of domination, where I either joined a game that was a total beat down, or I had 3 team mates with records like 4-26. I hate the bad team mates, because I am usually the one trying to cap the bases, and shooting down their air support.
In my case I just left it on, and went and got something to eat.
Re: Probation is broken again.zingaa Mar 14, 2013 3:25 AM (in response to trialstardragon)
I must be really lucky or doing something right, not really sure..figure it out
Re: Probation is broken again.openrangeonualls Mar 14, 2013 10:33 AM (in response to trialstardragon)
I have been on probation probably atleast 10 times still not sure what causes it. Sometimes I will get it after too many team kills in HC, sometimes I will get it cause I had a host migration or connection interrruption. I am glad it is in place, but I wish I knew what caused it. I dont dashboard pretty much ever, and if I leave a game those are few and far between. I have no clue what honestly causes the probation.
I have been kicked out of back to back games b4 and not gotten it, and turn around and get on the x box get kicked out of a game and blammo. But it is 5 minutes so who cares. Keep it goin Treyarch