text:
Jul 07 2009
Dear Pioneer Woman
There were some leftover questions from last week's Dear Pioneer Woman (think Dear Abby…but not) sessions. Leaving them unanswered was plaguing me, much like a leftover dot on the Ms. Pac Man board used to plague me.
(New questions and answers will be posted here throughout the day.)
Dear Pioneer Woman,
I have been engaged for 6 months. I was absolutely shocked when my fiance proposed on Christmas, as we had been doing nothing but fighting for the month beforehand. I said yes, but have yet to start planning the wedding. My fiance is very nice and smart and funny, but sometimes a little too funny. He does everything for a laugh, and doesn't seem to mind whose feelings (often mine) get hurt in the process. He is also a HUGE Mama's boy (his mother still shops for him and does his laundry on the weekends – he's approaching 32 years old). I love him very much and have told him I want to go to premarital counseling before we start planning a wedding, but he flat out refuses. I say with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, we should deal with some of our "issues" now, and get the tools to deal with even bigger issues if and when they appear in our marriage, but that does little to persuade him!
Eternally Engaged
Dear Eternally,
Can I just put something out there? Here it is: Marriage does not magically improve or eliminate all preexisting issues and concerns, of which you appear to have several. I'm not exceedingly concerned about his mother doing his shopping for him, doing his laundry, etc., as long as he's working and living on his own. Some mamas just love doing laundry, and when their nest is empty they feel lost and alone. I can not relate to this, by the way.
But the fact that you say the two of you had done nothing but fight for the months preceding his proposal worries me; it's almost as if he's attempting to band-aid the situation by putting an engagement ring on your finger. The "doing everything for a laugh" isn't necessarily problematic…unless, of course, it's problematic for you! And the fact that he "flat out refuses" something that's important to you (i.e. premarital counseling) suggests somewhat that he's more interested in asserting his will than finding compromise, and here's a news flash for ya: the chances this will magically improve the day you get married, and the years to follow, are very slim.
A spell seems to come over us women types when someone suddenly proposes. We might feel as though better offers won't come down the line…or, perhaps, it's just too much of a hassle to start over. But I would suggest that surging on and going through with a marriage that ran counter to your original hunches to begin with could—I'm just saying could here—mean a lifetime of struggle, difficulty, and wondering what might have happened had you gone with your gut in the first place.
Sounds to me like you shoudn't get in any hurry to get hitched.
Dear PW:
OK, so I'm divorced, reasonable looking, have a career, I'm a great cook, love animals and children, am active in my church, have friends that I do stuff with so it's not like I don't get out but I can't get a date to save my ever lovin' life. What the heck is wrong with me? I do have criteria – no axe murders, no alcoholics, no druggies, should have a steady job, could be divorced but if the ex is like Glenn Close its a no go, kids OK- I love kids (even the goat kind), should love dogs, and he can't live with his mother. Other than that I'm open.
Where do you go to meet guys? Bars are out, I've tried the church singles group but, and I'm being kind, there wasn't anyone there without a cane or a walker or a rolodex full of psychiatrists' business cards. The online thing is a little scary. What would you recommend?
Scoping in Seattle
Dear Scoping,
Can I ask you something that's somewhat counter-cultural without your taking it the wrong way? Yes? Okay, good. Thank you.
Are you happy on a day-to-day basis? Do you go to bed feeling somewhat content? You say you have a career, love to cook, go to church, have friends.
If so, my question is this: why the push to insert a man into this scenario?
Now, before everyone rolls their eyes, let me just say that I'm not approaching this from an ultra-feminist, we-don't-need-no-stinkin'-men to complete us perspective. I'm well aware of the intangible, emotional reasons one craves the company of a man or woman. It's a natural thing to want. But what if you just decided, at least for the time being, that there is no hole that needs to be filled? That aside from the occasional hankering to touch toes with someone while you watch a movie or hold hands in the park, your life isn't necessarily devoid of purpose and meaning without a man by your side?
My thinking is this: often when we set our sights on "finding someone special", or meeting someone to share our lives with, we can start to get tunnel vision and become so focused on meeting someone and settling down that we pay much less attention to whether the person is a good fit. So I would go about it in in the reverse order. Decide that you're going to continue living your life and building it up on the foundation on which it sits now. Continue your friendships and take pride in your career. If you happen to meet someone who tickles your fancy sometime in the future, you will already have a full life without him and will therefore have the luxury of being able to decide whether you and he are right for each other, rather than the alternative: "you've sunk so much time and energy into meeting someone, and now that you finally have, you're not letting him go no matter what."
I would now like to acknowledge that the above scenario is much easier said than done.
But that's what makes it counter-cultural.
Dear Pioneer Woman,
I don't feel close to my husband. It's the whole "roommate with kids" thing. We don't sleep in the same room. We don't communicate much. We don't …. you know…much.
There's so much more to this, but I'm sure you know the song and dance. But I did try to end it. I gave in to him and stayed.
Question is, do I stay with him in this "roommate" stage where we're nice and friendly to each other? Or do I do it again and actually leave this time? I'm afraid our non-committal to each other is teaching our two girls the wrong lesson about marriage.
___ in Texas (I tried to think of something that starts with T for my predicament, but just don't have the energy to follow through with it at this moment.)
Dear Tex,
Forgive my pause. I had to think about your question long and hard. My answer is not really an answer, and that's this: I'm missing so many pieces of the puzzle.
Here's how this could go:
Is there abuse in the marriage? Infidelity? Addiction?
Is it possible you're just in a rut?
Have you ever felt love for him? Answer honestly. Don't rewrite history based on how you're feeling now.
Is there someone else on your end? Anyone at all?
Is he a meanie?
A butthead?
A jerk?
Is he depressed?
Are you depressed?
Is he actively working on the marriage? Is he committed to making the marriage work?
It sounds like you have 1 1/2 feet out the door, which can be a powerful force.
Is he emotionally closed off?
Or is he too emotional?
Is he a pursuer, and does that make you run away?
Does he leave the toilet seat up?
Wait, forget I asked that.
Have your wants and needs drastically changed since you got married?
Have his?
Do you ever have fun together?
Do you watch movies and laugh?
Now. None of those answers was meant to be concretely answered, Tex. Instead, they were meant to demonstrate how difficult it is for me to give you a response without knowing any other circumstances besides "I don't feel close with my husband." (Though in your defense, I realize it's difficult to lay it all out in one comment.)
So, given that I only have a small part of the picture, here are some general points that might not apply, but I'll come out with them anyway:
* Don't fall back on the "it's better for the children" argument. While that can often be the case in situations of abuse, addiction, or extreme strife and conflict, I would guess that the majority of children would rather the family stay together than split up because the mom and dad don't communicate all that well. Divorce is devastating to a family, and uprooting for children. I think the line of thinking that you somehow owe it to your kids to set a good example of what marriage should be is reasonable, but I think it could be argued that a valuable lesson can be learned in continuing to love even when you might not feel like it, to value the family and the marriage together…not to consider the marriage and the family mutually exclusive. This is merely my opinion, and I understand counterarguments to this. And I even agree with some of them.
* I really don't know anything.
* Barring extenuating circumstances, is it possible that the love between you has simply withered on the vine? If you could characterize it this way, is it possible to look at your marriage as a living, breathing thing that could, with care and attention, be salvaged, watered, fed, nourished, cared for? This, obviously, would require a complete turnaround in the way you're thinking about the marriage at this point. But it is possible. I've seen it happen, man.
* Sleeping in separate rooms. No! No, no, no, no, no!
* Unless there's a snoring issue, then I can understand.
* I'm sorry you're struggling. I really am.
Dear P.W.
Why is it that men are only interested in women that look like twigs? I'm smart, successful and really cute! But the big kicker is, I'm 48 and a little overweight!
Plump in Pittsburgh
Dear Pitt,
I think men, above all else, are interested in women who are happy, confident, and comfortable in their own skin. In my experience, we women are the twig-perpetrators…not men. I, for instance, sometimes wish I was a twig. I sometimes catch myself wishing I had my skinny ballet body back. I rarely see a woman on TV that I find too skinny. (Ally McBeal? Yes.) Often, however, Marlboro Man will point out actresses he would otherwise find attractive "if they'd just gain fifteen or twenty pounds."
Then I throw my arms around him and kiss him and thank him for saying that.
Then I go eat another Ding Dong.
So no matter what your weight is: Go for a walk in the morning or evening! Buy a couple of great-fitting tops that make you feel delicious. Read things that feed your mind. MOST IMPORTANTLY, freeze two spoons, then lay them backward on your eyes before you go anywhere. You'll feel like a new woman, I promise.
Thank you Brooke Shields, circa 1980, for that sage piece of beauty advice.
Dear Pioneer Woman,
I have given birth two four children. These four children rearranged my midsection to a ghastly degree. I'm not just talking mass or volume here. I'm talking about composition, texture. In short (OH THE HUMANITY!!) my children blessed me with stretch marks that make Death Valley look like an Oasis of pleasure.
Now theoretically I am completely opposed to plastic surgery or anything like that. But deep down this is something that really bothers me. I feel like an accordion. And I hate Polka, okay?
Would it be a crime to want to save up money to have a tummy tuck? Or would that be selfish and obsessive of me? Would that money better be saved to help us perhaps one day adopt a baby that gave someone else stretch marks? These two very different pursuits are on my radar.
Stretch Armstrong
Dear Stretch,
I don't believe it would be a crime or obsessive or selfish of you to save money to do something that makes you feel better about yourself after gestating and giving birth four times. I'm not necessarily opposed to plastic surgery. Now, I do think face-altering procedures can be a little tricky because I think people can quickly lose sight of what they're supposed to look like and before they know it they resemble a kitty cat.
The only thing that scares me a little bit about plastic surgery procedures like tummy tucks, liposuction, etc., is the theoretical risk of something terrible happening on the operating table. The only reason I haven't gone under the knife—well, aside from the fact that Marlboro Mans ties me up and won't let me—is the needling feeling that knowing my luck, something would go wrong and then here my kids would be without a mother because I wanted a six pack or size 72DD breasts.
But that's just me! Really, the risk, while there, is pretty small for young, healthy people. So you just have to weigh the pros and cons.
I will predict that if you start saving up for a procedure, you'll talk yourself in and out of what you're saving for about fifty times before you get there.
And you might wind up deciding you'd rather have a new wardrobe and haircut instead.
Or you might use it on car repairs.
Or you might decide you'd rather adopt.
Basically, don't listen to my incoherence.
I'm going to do Pilates now. And find that really good bra of mine.
Goodbye forever,
Pioneer Woman
302 Comments
tj On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:45 am
…Wow. You're amazing. If this site wasn't enough already now you're dishin' out great advice…you're amazing!
…I wish I had somethin' for ya but my life is just peachy. I lead a charmed life doncha kno'…btw, can I interest you in some ocean front property up north? *giggle* :o)
…Great stuff Ree! You're a good friend… :o)
Stephanie S On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:45 am
"tortured" in TX
Sue On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:45 am
Good advice for the most part. I have to disagree a little with your statement to "Eternally" – that doing everything for a laugh isn't necessarily problematic. I think that when people do anything to get a laugh (especially when it hurts other people, including the ones they supposedly love the most), that is a HUGE red flag. Run, Eternally, run!!!
Julie On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:46 am
Great advice #90!!!
Don't leave a relationship for another person. It NEVER works!!! If you leave, you leave because YOU want to start a new life alone.
Annie On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:47 am
I think having these question/answer sessions are like getting together with friends, with a coffee and discussing things that come up in all our lives. My very best friend passed away recently and I miss having our special, in-depth talks with her, that I really wouldn't have with anyone else. In a way, Ree has given me back a little of that sense of an intimate (although read my millions, I'm sure) chat between friends. After all, we should be here for each other. Thank you, friend!
Melody C On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:50 am
I see so many responses here aimed to the last question suggesting that SHE needs to make all the effort to woo her husband/roommate. He's the one who obviously begged her to stay when she tried to leave. She doesn't say what HE's doing to try to keep her there? If he's trying and she's not into it, there's a problem. If the TWO of them aren't trying, then what's the use?
Sheri in CA On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:53 am
Kara Joy On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:55 am
I love Dear PW! Keep it coming!
Deb. On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:55 am
I can relate to that last question. I divorced my ex when my children were young. 15 years later, my children are grown and I fell for an online man. Everything was fine for the first 6 months, we got engaged and he moved in. BIG mistake. He sleeps on my couch. He lost his job over a year ago and last week I gave him back the ring and asked him to move out. If the relationship has fizzled out I believe you must move on. Life is too short to have nothing but a roommate. Being alone is not a bad thing. I want my freedom back.
Daryl Callahan On Tuesday, July 7 at 9:58 am
Boy can I relate to one of those posts. You are very insightful
Married to an Aussie in OK On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:00 am
I have to agree with #104. I have a roomie, too. I have tried and tried to do kind things for him, do whatever he asks me to do, fill his 'love bank,' so to speak… and all he does is expect more. I tell him *my* needs, nicely, but only his are met. What's a girl supposed to do in that situation? I know if I ever tried to leave (which I haven't) that he would beg me to stay, and I don't WANT to leave, but at the same time, this sort of situation isn't what I got married for. He refuses to even consider reading books or watching movies on the topic, because, clearly, we don't really have a problem. I sympathize with Ms. Texas. It's such a toughie.
Married to an Aussie in OK On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:00 am
OK apparenlty it got moved to #105
Julie On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:05 am
Before we even got engaged I needed to know if my husband was open to counseling if/when things got rough. I've seen too many marriages end because one party wouldn't even try to work it out…seems like such a freakin' waste.
If he had said no, counseling was out, I wouldn't have kept dating him, let alone gotten engaged to him, let alone married him. The majority of couples reach a point where they need help to work through things….and IMO if you're not willing to admit that you don't have all the answers, and humble enough to admit the possibility that someone else might be able to help you, your chances aren't that great. Sad but true.
Good advice, PW
(E)mail order bride ;) On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:06 am
Hey Hey Hey! Scoping, don't go knocking what you haven't tried. I know 4 people who found the love of their life online, myself included When I met my husband online, we knew there was something there. Only when we met in person a month later (he drove halfway across the country to spend the weekend!) did we find out as soon as we hugged hello, that we were made for each other. My mom laughed when I told her I was going to marry him after meeting him that first night. But here we are, 5 years and three kids later
Two of my friends were so inspired by our story, they followed suit and joined the same online dating site. Both are now happily married
Deirdre On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:07 am
I found my husband on Match.com in Seattle no less. I guess it's true the good ones are all taken.
Cassidy On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:15 am
Ree – I am about to complete my CPA and as a gift my mother-in-law told me that she would get me a digital SLR. Now my question is which one should I get? I took a year of photography in high school on a 35mm Canon EOS rebel SLR, but it's been a while. I am mostly interested in getting pictures of my family and friends and also the ability to frame some larger prints of landscapes for around the house. Any advice you could provide would be much appreciated!
Krys S. On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:16 am
This is WAY more entertaining than stuffy ol' Dear Abby!
And still (mostly, haha) useful and insightful answers! I love it!
Meg On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:17 am
Texas needs to go to Victoria's Secret, then a travel agent. See if she can have a romantic trip for two to spice things up again. First, she should go on a few dates with her husband so they can reacquaint themselves.
Lana On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:17 am
In response to the last question-
My sister and her husband have just been through about a year of living in the same house in seperate rooms etc because of the upset it was causing their 6 year old when they were actually in seperate dwellings. They learned to be good friends and then fell in love again after 28 years and are happier than they have ever been. I would say to hang in there and let it take its natural course and it hope it turns out for you like it did my sister. (My 52 year old brother in law even tried to date others and was crushed to find out that he just wasn't the stud he thought he was. HAHAHA! One even said you are just too old for me!) I would advise you to be respectful to him even when you don't think he deserves it and see what happens. Men melt in the face of respect from their wives. You will be amazed. I'm not a counselor but I have been married to the same guy for 31 years and I've learned a few things about how they ARE.
Big Blue House Momma On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:19 am
I think what women REALLY want to know is, where can I get a man like MARLBORO MAN?
They're just too shy to come right out and ask if there are any single hard-working cowboys out on the ranch.
They're trying to score a spot in the Ranchelor…… read between the lines, PW!
Laura On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:21 am
For the record, I love the Dear PW posts. They are fabulous. It's as though you're being a friend by listening and giving advice, even though you've never met any of these people. We all feel like we know you, and trust you to give us advice like any friend would. Thank you!
JessieJ On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:24 am
I am liking your wise, common-sense approach. And only you would think of turning a Q&A session into a cliffhanger.
Go, PW!
Susan in NV On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:24 am
Ohhhh, leaving us hangin' I see!
These questions are gettin' deep Ree – makes my heart hurt for some of the readers
To ___ in Texas – along with all the other great advice you've been given, read "The Five Love Languages" It might turn your life around. It's a reminder that love is a choice, and you CAN make the choice to actively love your spouse again. Just give it a shot?
Britt On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:30 am
T in Texas… I grew up in a house where my parents were roommates. As a child all I wanted for my mom was to do what was best for her, and I knew she wasn't happy. I have had to deal with a lot of relationship issues… but who doesn't? When I moved out of the house to go to college, my parents changed. They started doing things together, and eventually fell back in love… not to say that happens for everyone or that you should wait for that. Either path you take affects your children… and with love and support they'll learn what relationships and love is about. Pray about it.
No Clue Cowgirl On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:31 am
Darn, I was hoping you'd answer my question from last time (#83 I think); however, my question was much more trivial compared to those you just answered. I hope everything works out for the best to those with struggling relationships.
If you do ever get a hankerin' to answer my question, I forgot to mention that I have a degree in animal science with an emphasis on production/ranch management. I have the "book smarts" just not a ton of hands on experience. How do I get over this feeling of never being good enough?
I love your site. You completely amaze me! Keep up the good work!
Caroline On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:31 am
#1—Marriage doesn't fix underlying issues. I thought that if I got married, my cheating boyfriend would stop; instead he became my cheating husband (and is now my ex). I know, I know, how silly of me, but I was in love and that was going to fix everything! Plus, I was 19, I didn't need to listen to my family!!
#2–Don't be afraid of online dating! I signed up with eHarmony because I lived in a small town with slim pickings, and I met a guy who lived within driving distance. Now we've been together 2.5 years and we're getting engaged soon
Bob Hayles On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:32 am
Ree…I love your blog, and your "Dear Ree" intentions are good, but …
I have the appropriate letters after my name and I would never NEVER try to give the kind of advice you are giving based on a message someone sent me…yeah yeah yeah…Dear Abby does it, but it's purely for entertainment purposes to sell papers, and you have no idea how much damage she does…and I know you don't want to do the same.
You write a wonderful blog, but in my humble opinion, you ought to leave this part alone.
Inna On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:34 am
Dear___in Texas, go to this website http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5520_qa.html
Liz Chambers On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:36 am
Wow! I've never seen so much controversy on a comment page!
My own opinion: Ree is awesome, and while she isn't a licensed therapist, her advice is good. If she wants to give advice, I think her life experience has given her a lot of credibility to do so. If you want her to just be funny all the time and just post cute pictures of her dogs and kids and husband, then you are pigeon-holing her into one kind of person, and I am sure she is a much more complicated and serious person than that. I, for one, thoroughly enjoy seeing this side of Ree. You can see how deeply important relationships are to Ree, and how much she cares about her readers and sincerely wants to interact and help in what ways she can. Let's give Ree some room to be herself, and if you we can't let her do that, then there are lots of other blogs to read.
Karen G On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:36 am
I love reading "Dear Pioneer Woman." Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Blue On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:37 am
Dear Ree,
I have had a question for years, and since you seem willing to answer arcane ponderings these days, and since you ARE the only pioneer woman i know, i am hopeful that you will be able to answer it for me.
I grew up in a completely bovine-free area known to most of the country as The OC…specifically Newport Beach. Cows were a feature on Sesame Street and so forth, and I don't think I saw one in person till I visited the petting zoo in fifth grade. Upon leaving home, I went from suburb to urban environs, until about a decade ago we moved to Vermont.
In Vermont there are lots of cows. Rolling Green Hills filled with happy, Cheese&Ben&Jerry's-making cows. There was something strange that I never could figure out though. As we drove past meadows and fields filled with all manner of cows, i noticed that ALL THE COWS were facing the same direction. Why would they be doing this? if you put hundreds of people in a field, they'd be sprawled out in hundreds of different positions. But time and again I'd pass a field, and there would be the cows, all facing the same direction. You'd think that at least ONE of them would be a rebel…and turn around or something. But nary a bovine would be out of formation.
I wondered if it was the direction of the wind, or if the sun was shining from a certain angle, or if they're all Symbiotically Controlled by aliens.
Three years ago I moved away from Vermont, but last week we went on a trip to Yellowstone, and during our drive through the country, there again were fields of cows, and again they were all facing the same direction. I'm sure there's a simple answer, and I'm counting on you to supply it for me. Thank you very much from yer ever-lovin'-pal, Blue! ♥
Jennifer On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:42 am
I can't understand why people are telling you not to give advice. If a person wants to know your take on a situation then they want to know what you think, if they wanted a professional therapist then I would guess they would ask one. Why interfere and judge what others are doing?
Kryssi On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:42 am
I'm not trying to be rude as everyone is entitled to their own opinion…but this is Ree's blog, and she can do as she likes with it……..These people are asking for her thoughts on things, and she's giving HER thoughts. If people are asking why shouldn't she answer? She is not dispensing advice on life threatening situations, so I think she is doing a great job.
Karen G On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:44 am
P.S. Bob Hayles — I feel compelled to address you. This is what women do! We talk about things and ask one another for advice. I don't think anyone is taking Ree's opinions as Gospel truth, and I don't think she's ever expected everyone to agree with every opinion she utters.
But there are obviously people out there who feel they can connect and relate to her and want to know what she thinks about things. I don't see how there's anything wrong with that.
If you don't like the content of a website simply don't visit it. You are reprimanding Ree for offering advice to people, yet you are trying to tell Ree how she should act! And unlike Ree, your advice was entirely unwarranted!
Kelly On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:45 am
Dear PW,
After reading your Black Heels to Tractor Wheels story, I sometimes feel like I'm the "you" that ended up in Chicago. I'm 24 years old, single (aka lonely), and left my parents and friends back in Cleveland (keep in mind, I certainly don't miss Cleveland, I just miss my loved ones and the slow pace of the country). But now that I've been here for a little over 2 years, I'm becoming unhappy. I feel like I've "been there, done that" now and I really miss the little things about the country…peace and quiet, backyards, stars, a gentle breeze (not the 60mph stuff we get here!), family, etc. The first year was "Sex and the City"-esque and a lot of fun. But, I quickly got that out of my system, and now I feel…stuck. On the upside, I have a really good job downtown that pays well. My dad has always wanted me to have "a real job" so that I can support myself. But I'm just dying to do something interesting, whether it pays well or not. I know I have to support myself, but I don't want to go through life…bored. I don't know if moving back home is the answer, but I need to do something before I get too jaded, and before the fast pace of the city makes my life flash before my eyes more than it already does. I wanted to have a family of my own before I turned 30, but that seems to be a goal that is getting farther and farther away from reality…Any advice Ree?
JennA On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:49 am
Re: Ms Texas…
I'm 56 years old….I divorced at 25….remarried at 35…spending 10 wonderful, soul searching, getting my life right, feeling complete years, occasionally wondering if I ever would find someone. But I worked on being a whole person as a single person. And when someone (get this, my ex) asked if I ever thought I'd remarry, my response was probably not. I was a complete person by myself and very happy. And lo and behold, within a couple of months, I started dating the man who has now been my husband, best friend, buddy, lover for 21 years.
But if I was a single woman, whose soul was full and content, and really wanted to meet the right people, in this day and age, I'd use a reputable online service. I personally know 7 people who have used, met and married wonderful partners using online services . It's the alternative to clubs and other dangerous methods that make your hormones fall for the wrong person (and by the way, they too are in Seattle).
But, until you are happy with yourself, you won't find the right person yourself.
Good luck…
Erica On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:51 am
I know this comment is further down the line, but I hope Eternaly Engaged reads this. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! I didn't listen to my gut and now I am married to a man I shouldn't have married. He is a good man, but I don't love him. Marry someone you LOVE, not someone you have to make the choice to love for the sake of two kids.
sara On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:56 am
I'm in the process of getting married myself and if you are actually considering going through with the wedding planning choose a church that REQUIRES premarital counseling before they will do the ceremony.
Tracy On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:57 am
Man! You're way better than the advice columnist in our local paper. I think you should syndicate!
Rhonda in Oklahoma On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:58 am
Ree, you are giving some very good, sound answers here. Sometimes I think we just plain get in too big of a hurry about things, such as relationships. I might say from my point of view that faith and friendship ought to be set in a relationship long before the "physical" stuff. And, certain things do need to be saved for marriage.
Kryssi On Tuesday, July 7 at 10:58 am
Wow # 25 I think you should be the one seeing a therapist you seem to have some major issues, It is not your place to judge Ree's abilities , or to question what she puts on her own blog. If you do not like what is on here , I'm sure no one would be disappointed if you went elsewhere.
I appologise, Ree. I know you don't need anyone to defend you, but what she wrote made me angry.
MaMaK On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:10 am
Oh! Wonderful words of wisdom! How'd you get to smart, so young?!
Keep it up Annie, er, PDub! This is really good stuff, benefitting way more folks than the few asking! I especially love "… and building it up on the foundation on which it sits now."
Preach it, Sister!
p.s. I would of advised Eternally Engaged to fling that ring!
Jana On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:10 am
My parents were room mates, I learned alot about what I didnt want from a relationship from them. I found the man of my dreams 6 years ago…he is my soulmate. It helps to know what you want and what is acceptable…it sucks that i found out the way I did.
Ree, people come here because they want to. They choose to click, and I think that if they can't handle what you have to offer then you should really just ignore them. People trust you…you lay your thoughts bare for everyone and provide so much joy for your readers…it's like half of us women are crying in the bathroom with you because things just arent workin out that night. You're a dear friend and I think we learn from life experience not from guys with diplomas and a scientific reason for the way we feel, but from the view on the outside of our relationships…you have that view thanks for letting us know what it looks like from where you stand.
Sheri Zaugg On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:12 am
Great advice. I've told several of my friends…If you can't be whole and happy by (with) yourself you won't be happy with another person in your life. In marriage two halves don't make a whole…two wholes make for a wonderful life.
Kathleen MacIver On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:13 am
I just have to say, Ree, that IMHO you're giving dead-on real advice…the good old kind that was standard when marriages lasted for life…the kind that's gotten clouded over and buried by psychology degrees and excuses.
(Just posting to counter those who say you're not qualified to share your thoughts on these questions. In my mind, if the people asked you, then they're interested in your opinion, which makes you qualified to share it.
I agree that it's a little sad that these people don't have someone older and wiser that they know and trust in person, to ask…but that said, I don't blame Ree for posting these at all. I mean… if she's gotten these three, then she's probably gotten hundreds, if not thousands. Why not re-word several of them to reflect dozens of those that have been received and answer them here, as a way of answering them all at once?)
Katie On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:14 am
I enjoy the Dear Ree section. I don't think anyone is expecting expert counsel, but just want some advice from a friend. Heck, I would do it if I had something to ask!!
Joanne On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:16 am
On Scoping in Seattle… the issue isn't her. It is Seattle men. They are PASSIVE. You have to do all the work and then they shy away because Seattle women are too aggressive. My good guy friend is a born and bred Seattleite and he almost never makes a first move or does anything active to pursue a woman. He'll give out his phone number but never ask for hers. He rarely takes the bull by the horns. The onus is all on her to start things out. Once in a relationship he seems pretty decent, I think, but to get there is like pulling teeth.
Chris W On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:22 am
How about "Troubled in Texas"…that would work….
Michelle On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:23 am
I like the Ask Pioneer Woman! Great-sound advice.
Jana On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:23 am
Oh and mister Bob…I had lots to say to you…but ya know what? I think with the right side of my brain…you think with your left…so life must go on. Now go have a fiesta with the can of worms you just opened darlin…
Kim On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:39 am
Don't worry Ree. Don't listen to the mean comments about "who are you to be giving out advice like this?" who said you have to have a PhD in Psychology to give out advice? People can go to you for advice if they want to, and you can answer if you want to. No one is saying that it is the best answer… it is just your own opinion, and whoever is out there reading can take it or leave it. It's like asking a good friend for advice… my friends aren't "experts in the field" but I ask anyways, just to see another human being's perspective. Anyways, keep being yourself Ree. I like Dear PW.
Amelia On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:45 am
I love that you're doing advice, and I love how much you suggest calm, reasonable answers. I believe that everyone has something to offer to people with questions, even if it's just stories about their own struggles with the same experience.
That being said, I'm really disappointed by your phrase "ultra-feminist, we-don't-need-no-stinkin'-men to complete us perspective". So much of what you've been writing *is* incredibly feminist: build up yourself, live your life in a way that fulfills you, complete yourself rather than looking for someone to do that for you. I wish you wouldn't use the word feminist in such a derogatory way. People dramatically misunderstand feminism, and you're feeding into that by doing this. It's very saddening.
Clayvessel On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:50 am
Can I just say one thing? 50% of all marriages do not end in divorce. This is, unfortunately, a continuously misquoted "statistic" that has a life of its own.
The original 50% figure was taken from the number of divorces in a given year compared to the number of marriage licenses issued in the same year. So the "fact" should be "50% of NEW marriages" end in divorce. The numbers don't take into account all the people ALREADY married in that given year. That would be a lot of marriages. If you compare ALL the marriages to the divorces, the number would be quite different.
Thank you for letting me clarify that on behalf of the integrity of marriage.
Erin On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:51 am
THIS IS REE's SITE!!!!!!!! Okay everyone?? REE'S Site!!!
MOST of us like the change up and enjoy this part of your blog. Please ignore the nay-sayers! Keep on keepin on!
We love you!!!!!
Looking for Freedom On Tuesday, July 7 at 11:51 am
To Texas –
I can completely see where you're coming from here. Is it possible that this is just a lengthy rut in your relationship – something that you guys might be able to overcome? Do you think the issue stems more from a foundational crack in your relationship, or does it stem from a lack of time you guys can spend together (due to work, kids, life in general getting in the way)? My husband and I have been known to fall into that roommate pattern, but for us, it's usually because we're not spending enough alone time with one another. Trust me, I know how hard it is to get that one-on-one time…
Melanie On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:00 pm
Even if these ladies had someone in their life that they were close to and could go to them for advice…sometimes it's nice to have some anonymity. Some people donm't want others in thier business that are close to them. No matter what anyone says…those people always end up telling a friend or relative or whatnot. It's nice to have a "girlfriend" to go to for an opinion. It's nice to feel that you won't have someone who knows YOU and the whole mess of a situation…you won't have to try and live down any of the embarassment if things don't work out or you don't take thier advice because PW will really never know. *shrug*
Kristen On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:06 pm
I just love your common sense advice, sometimes we are just too close to our own lives to see what is right in front of us. Sounds like your readers are pretty sensible themselves, some really good advice.
I would also like to tell _____ in Texas that I have so been there, but it is so worth making the effort to fall back in love. Marriages can be redeemed! Mine has been. Start remembering why you fell in love in the first place. Let your mind daydream about the passion you once felt with your partner and initiate touch and connection again. Don`t worry about what he is not doing, but start giving. This is much harder to start doing than to say. But, once you start, it isn`t nearly as difficult as you imagine.
Miracles can happen. And regularly do.
Donna from Kansas On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:08 pm
What Rikki said way back in post #10!
Jennifer On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:09 pm
Please, please, please continue! I think the movie Fireproof was awesome and I do believe you can recapture that love–if you were in love once, where does it go? How could you fall OUT of love? I've never understood that. As to the mama's boy who recently proposed, such serious reservations should not be ignored. If you're not sure, don't do it. I'm getting married in a month. I KNOW I want to wake up with this man for the rest of forever. I know it won't always be easy, and can see that we'll have problems adjusting to changes with some family members, but you know, I'm not scared to be with him. We're taking the leap. Doesn't sound like that couple is ready. Those who are seeking humor on this site and aren't please with "Dear P-dub" should skip over to the "Homeschool" section. Perhaps that will satisfy your cravings. Love the photo!
Jeanne On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:09 pm
Good advice. Don't know how you keep up with everything. Teacher, mother, cook, cowhand, photographer, blogger, adviser, the list goes on and on. You have so many hats.
Mary On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:10 pm
To Scoping –
As a fellow Seattleite, I have to agree with commenter #147, Joanne, about Seattle men. I don't know what it is, but it's just about impossible to meet decent men around here. 75% of my friends have had to resort to online dating–and these are confident, extroverted women who get out a lot. The good news is, most of my friends who have tried it have found someone special, and one of them is getting married soon–and I suspect another will be getting engaged before much longer, too. So while I think Ree gave the best advice in the world, I also think that when you are finally ready to date seriously, you should try Eharmony.
Amy L On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:12 pm
To #131 – I have noticed the same thing (when no one else seemed to). I always just assumed it was because of the direction of the wind. Perplexed me for awhile though.
Dear PW:
Do I spend money on a DSLR (which I want badly) or a new couch, a new stove, a new refrigerator, or a new washer/dryer (which all need updating)?
I just thought I would lighten it up a bit. I really want to know though.
Guilt Ridden
Carolyn On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:21 pm
I LOVE your advice to the woman looking for love. Spot on Ree!!!
Jocelyn On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:21 pm
To the people who are leaving comments saying that Ree shouldn't be giving advice: lighten up! The individuals who are seeking advice from Ree wrote to her for a reason. It's quite possible that they follow Ree's blog and feel more comfortable addressing her then they would a "professional" that they know nothing about. Keep doing what you're doing Ree!
Julie On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:23 pm
Mr. Bob: who care if you have the appropriate letters after your name. They were not talking and asking you, they were talking and asking PW. This is how women COMMUNICATE. That's part of the problem with men, the majority of them don't know how to COMMUNICATE.
sheshe On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:36 pm
Hi Ree,
I like your advice too. Thanks for thinking with us. I appreciated Britt's (#124) response. I wonder what it will be like for my kids to have grown up in a family where mom and dad are polite but not intimate. I have opted for the wait and see option. See if we change, see if God intervenes. It is sad, but there are many ways to improve myself and encourage my kids and family without shredding the family. Once two people have kids I think it is pretty selfish to do otherwise, unless there are abuse, or infidelity issues.
Thanks for caring and talking with us from your heart.
ladybughugs On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:45 pm
great answers, which makes me hope you'd be able to answer this: How do you get the dirt, grass, blood *gag*, etc. out of your family's laundry? My son stayed with a family member for THREE DAYS where he helped with chickens and horses and came home with laundry that I really just wanted to toss in the trash. I didn't, but next week he is spending a week at boy scout sleep-away camp and I'm considering having a breakdown before he gets home in order to avoid the imminent laundry. *shudder*
AliciaC On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:46 pm
I'm afraid I might turn into __ in Texas someday…
mom8k On Tuesday, July 7 at 12:49 pm
Ree, I love your site. You manage to make so many of us feel like you are our girlfriend, just passing along the stuff that passes through your brain! Thanks.
Val On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:08 pm
Try reading Love and Respect. It changed several marriages I know.
____ in Texas On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:12 pm
Thank you Ree. At first, I didn't want to read what others had to say about me. I also didn't want to read a judgmental synopsis of how I "must have ONCE had big love for him and just to suck it up and deal". I made myself pour through the comments and then finally your overview.
All I can say is thanks. It's hard to ask myself those questions and I don't have much in the way of female friends (need to fix that). You really are a treasure and I have many questions to go try to answer.
Thankful in Texas
C. On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:15 pm
Divorce isn't the worst thing in the world. My parents divorced (and I turned out just fine) and I'm currently engaged to a divorcee and raising his two children full time with him. We now have a happy family when before the kids were constantly seeing their parents fight and their Mom drink and those kids had behavior problems because of it. Now they excell at school and are happy go lucky kids, and we are a very happy family. Please don't think it helps the kids to stay together, and unhappy house is not a healthy one. Life is too short to be miserable. Honest!
Rachel On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:22 pm
Dear PW
Can I please come to your lovely ranch and marry a cowboy? If you say yes, I can do laundry.
ps. if you could also supply the cowboy, that would be great.
Wonder On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:23 pm
PW! I clicked on the comments just to say you are spot on the money and I love your advice! I was ever so shocked to read any negative comments.
I don't get why anyone would think it doesn't "fit your site." It's YOUR site – how is it up to anyone else what fits on it and what doesn't? I read you every day and it's because I always feel like I do after a great conversation with a friend. Why wouldn't I want to read your advice? That's what friends are for! We don't always take their advice, but just getting their love and attention and insight can make a big difference.
I love you to death, girl! Thanks for putting so much of your heart into everything. It shows.
CHS On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:25 pm
I am a woman and I agreee with Dr. Bob (#127). It is superficial to brush off his comment because "this is what women do."
michele On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:30 pm
I got alot out of this – but most importantly, I am going to freeze my spoons right now!
Melissa H-South Florida On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:31 pm
Coming from a divorced family, I don't understand why people feel the need to stay together for "the childrens sake". Why? So they can feel the tension between their parents, or so that they can reap the benefits of nasty behavior and snide comments between the two? Sometimes it's just best to end it and at least try and be friends. That's what my parents did and as a small child it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders when they divorce; a heavy burden no child should experience. Since their divorce many many years ago, they are best of friends and are closer now as friends then they ever were married.
Just my own personal opinion and experience
LydiaC On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:36 pm
Love, love, love your response to Scoping in Seattle (or something like that). I was 31 when I married, and it was like something in my head (common sense?) had told me the advice you offered her just now, and I was following it. It WORKS, people.
PennyPue On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:41 pm
Great advice, Ree!!
For Scoping in Seattle…..if you learned that you only had one year to live, and you'd be healthy and able-bodied during that year, what would you do? GO DO THAT NOW. Fulfill your life and he'll find you. Don't ever say never either. I met My Love online in a scuba diving forum.
Invest in yourself. Invest in your SOUL.
Do what makes your brain tingle and you'll run into the man that 'makes your heiny tingle'.
Melody On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:44 pm
I just wanted to thank you so very much for your answers on marriage. Those are tough questions! But I think so often our human nature (and need to protect ourselves from further pain) is to get out while we can, protecting our hearts. But when we take that instinctive run, I think we sometimes miss out on the many rewards God might have in store for us. That's not to say marriage is ever easy (good gracious, no) but when it can be worked out (and I think it "can" a lot more than we think) then it is definitely worth the work.
Sandie On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:46 pm
This is for TEX. You know I read your question and then waited for Ree to answer. Once i read her answers I would like to add one.
Can you see yourself living the rest of your life without your husband? Relaly think about it. Marriage is an up and down cycle. Believe me I was married over 30 years before my husband passed suddenly from an illness. But I think if more people sat still and thought about that question, can you see yourself living without your spouse for the rest of your life, many more people would stay together and stick it out.
And do not sleep seperately. That's not a marriage. If he snores, then take him to a sleep specialist to address the problem. A marrige cannot stay together by sleeping apart.
There I had my say. Sorry Ree for jumping in there. But Tex bothered me a bit.
Julie On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:48 pm
Ree-Ree, are you snickering at all this commotion going on?? We all sure do have our opinions about everything!! ha!ha! Life is good………….
Kristine On Tuesday, July 7 at 1:51 pm
Dear PW,
Sigh…today's foray into your blog world has caused an ugly flaw of mine to rear it's ugly head: I suffer from an overdeveloped sense of justice. It's a burden I most often carry on behalf of other people, whether or not they ask me to!
The negativity of some people in this post amazes me. (Personally, I think your advice is full of wisdom, common sense and it's spot-on.) And I barely managed to refrain from following the link to the blog of a snarky commenter over in the food section who belittled Edna Mae's recipe for cabbage & Cheeze Whiz. Leaving a snarky comment of my own would not have been beneficial. So, PW, thanks for a good exercise in self-control!
I don't know how you manage, because sometimes it can take a lot for me to ignore the negative people – so to you, Pioneer Woman, I salute you for living your life, for opening your heart, and for bringing joy (and a little controversy sometimes ) to my life. Keep doing what you love!
donbiker On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:00 pm
Wonderful, The responses have been fun too and give a depth to the issues that one would never get from Dear Abby. You have a depth of wisdom and talent that is astonishing. I get a kick out of the the ladies looking for a Marlboro Man. Look who got him! Our 50th is coming soon and I'm not MM and she's not PW, but we're real happy
steph On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:06 pm
Dear Tex,
I have been there. Go to counseling. It takes work and communication, but it can get better, REALLY. It may not ever be like it is in the movies, but those relationships are rare anyway. Your child (and you all) will be much better off with two parents in the household who are dedicated to making it work and raising their child (see Newsweek article this week! Very enlightening also). Seek counseling now. Open the lines of communication.
SusanM On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:17 pm
Here's to Scoping in Seattle:
I'm giving you different advice than Ree's because I have been there/done that myself. Don't let anyone imply there is anything in the world wrong with you or anything missing from your life because you want someone to share it with. It is normal, natural behavior that dates back to Adam and Eve (in my case, it was usually my married friends who told me I should enjoy single life even though none of them had chosen it for themselves). And advising you to *not* try finding a partner is like telling you to not buy a new car when you need one because if you are meant to have a new car you'll find the keys to one lying on the sidewalk in front of your house.
To me it sounds like you have your act together, you just wanted to know how to meet quality single men. Try eHarmony. My third eHarmony match was the guy who is now my husband and our marriage is better than anything we'd ever dreamed of. And because we didn't go to the same church, live in the same neighborhood or share common friends, we would have never met each other if we hadn't overcome our qualms about online dating. My advice is to just get out there and go for it.
Anonymous On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:18 pm
I don't see the (very few) comments (such as mine) that say this isn't a great addition to the blog as negative; I see them as feedback from an audience, something writers generally find useful. And Ree is a great writer, who obviously spends a great deal of time crafting a terrific blog. I imagine if she didn't want any comments other than those that like this section, then she would either say so or close comments.
It is interesting that the very few non "happy" comments are perceived by so many as "negative" and "mean". What a significant indication that what has become a professional blog still has many people who have taken it to heart as personal. That in itself speaks volumes for her talent. Ree, you are very blessed to have such a very loyal following!! Good for you!
I just don't like this section, but I can easily click on the sections I do like.
p.s. Dr. Bob – I was not offended by your comment.
mrs.deane On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:20 pm
It would be my guess that Eternally Engaged was just waiting for somebody to give her the thumbs up on leaving the relationship she was sharing about. But, that's just my guess…
Ree, do you know that you have magical powers??? And that your magical powers actually move me to consider even LOOKING at a can of Cheese Whiz when I go to the store today??? You are a force, Ree. I know as far as I'm concerned, if you say "Trust me, you MUST make this" I'm reading you say that and saying "Yes! Okay!" with an excited nod bobbing along with it and a sort of dorky smile. Not because I'm a fool who can be lead around by any Ree Schmee/Joe Schmoe, but because I always feel like I'm sitting with you in your kitchen and we're such good friends while I read your posts, and I think that is why everyone is so eager to see what you have to say advice-wise and why they are so willing to ask the questions in the first place. There is an honest and super friendly kind loving feeling/vibe you send out to the masses that visit here everyday. I doubt there are very few, if any, who would turn down a chance to hang out with you on your ranch – I certainly wouldn't! Oh! To see my boys staring in awe at your horses and cows and my daughter flopping down on your pups. And most of all, to see my husband in chaps – or at least near them :O)
I think that you must have seen the Spiderman movies, right? I think as far as all of this "you should or you shouldn't have this section on your site" goes… Just remember with prayer that with great power comes great responsibility. I am hoping that didn't just come across as Cheese Whiz cheesy. Unless it is Edna Mae's Escalloped Cabbage Recipe Cheese Whiz cheesy, that is!
We love you, Ree. Magic powers and all :O)
Kate S On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:22 pm
I must say I love this sort of Q&A.
Very good no nonsense advice….
sarah cook On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:23 pm
Dearest PW,
A. What in the world do cold spoons do for your eyes?
2. What lens do you use the most? I just got a D90 with 18-105mm lens and I'm fixin' ta' buy the 50mm 1.8.
Sarah in Bama
Julianne On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:32 pm
Ree — Thank you for the most terrific answer to Question #3 (Tex). That is approximately the first time I've ever heard it publicly put out there that most children would rather have mom and dad be married than divorced, and that the "it's better for the kids" thing shouldn't always be the #1 response (though we don't know Tex's situation, and there are definitely situations that warrant "it's better for the kids"). I also really appreciate that you suggested that marriage is a living, breathing thing. It's like my tomato plants — I forget to water them for just one day, and the leaves shrivel up. Water them two times the next day and the leaves are as plump as can be.
That being said, I can imagine that working on and salvaging several or many years of neglect on both sides of the marriage would be exceptionally difficult — possibly the most difficult thing ever.
Anyway – thanks for your comments. I like.
Neighbor_Nancy On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:37 pm
OMG – I love your non-answers!
Pit and Texas – I feel your pain in particular. Husband no longer romantically or physically attracted because I got too fat. I truly was obese, but he'd never complained or even mentioned it, so I didn't realize that was an issue. I've lost 54 pounds since I found out (about the other woman, about his mid-life crisis, all the lies along the way and my weight), but there has been little change. No luck with couple's counseling (the other has to want to fix him/herself too, you know), self-help books or numerous conversations. I've threatened to leave and he'll be slightly more attentive for a few days before back to ignoring me.
I got laid off about 2 months ago, and have little one-to-one interaction since we're out in the boonies (gas gets expensive!). HOWEVER, I've contacted volunteer organizations, go to the library, double up on errands to reduce costs, read a bazillion books, go to my individual therapist, keep exercising for MYSELF, not him, and continue to work on myself to stay positive, healthy and fit. Overall I'm a happy person, but I have to admit I have been much happier alone than in this non-relationship. I have this gift of time and a roof over my head to sort things out (he does not want a divorce, he says), get a job, become more confident and regain my self-esteem. I have chosen to make the most of it. Thanks for sharing and letting me do the same!
Terri in Iowa On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:44 pm
My parents divorced when I was 10. Now that I'm 46, I wonder how in the heck they EVER got together in the first place. They are as different as night and day. My mom has been single for years. My dad has been married to his third wife for 25+ years. Life is entirely way too short to spend it being miserable. If you're in a bad marriage–get out, move on, get a life.
To Scoping: My husband and I found each other on cupid.com. My brother and his wife met on eharmony.
Dawn On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:52 pm
love your answer to Scoping…wish more women could understand that a marriage, isn't the be all end all to happines…and if you just live your life to the fullest, and are happy…the right person will come your way…even if you're not looking…
ugh…something I HOPE my daughter learns…
Gullible On Tuesday, July 7 at 2:56 pm
Your advice to the lady looking for a male companion (stop looking and enjoy life) was spot on! Been there, done that, and we were together thirty years.
Becky On Tuesday, July 7 at 3:06 pm
To the lady is Texas, I recommend "Created to be his Helpmeet". you can find it on NoGreaterJoy.org
Veronica On Tuesday, July 7 at 3:13 pm
I love this "dear Abby… but not"! I hope you do a lot more of it.
Anonymous On Tuesday, July 7 at 3:14 pm
To the person with the internet dating comment: don't be afraid of it. I have a friend who met his best friend and fiance through an on-line site. My sister in-law has been going on dates and making friends through yet another site. I would say it is worth a try.
LindaSue Carter On Tuesday, July 7 at 3:15 pm
My husband and i found each other on eharmony.com — I was in SoCal, he was in northern MN. Six months later, his brother married a gal he met from eharmony, too. Six years later, we're all still doing great.
Now, here's a question for you. About three months ago, I sent some fabulous gifts to someone, no strings attached other than hoping to hear if she liked them. Lots of time and money went into picking out "just the right things." To date, I haven't even gotten an acknowledgment that she received them, let alone a simple "thanks!" Maybe I'm letting it bug me more than I should, but isn't this just flat out bad manners? Wondering in Mn…..
MrsD On Tuesday, July 7 at 3:16 pm
Dear Tired of Trying in Texas,
A terrific resource for failing marriages is Retrouvaille (http://www.retrouvaille.org/). Although it is a Catholic-run program, you do not have to be Catholic or even particularly religious. They ask for a donation, but don't require more than you can afford. Having experienced a Retrouvaille weekend myself, I STRONGLY recommend it.


text:
FreakingWiffle I'm Rick in Gregzilla's original animated series, "Rebb: The Generally Unpleasant Tale of an Evil Minion!
- Age / Gender:
- 18, Male
- Location:
- no need to know
- Joined:
- 11/5/10
- All Stats >
My name's Marcellus but my friends call me Marcellus for short..........
User Statshot
- Community Stats
Level 5 Blank Slate
Normal Whistle
Ranked as Civilian
Contact Info / Websites
- Meow
Latest News
uh hey guys
Recent Game Medals
Sea Snakes 10 Points Kill the sea snakes in under 7 seconds Medal Stats.
First Burst 5 Points Destroy your first enemy Medal Stats.
Sample Slice 5 Points Eliminate 5 infected Medal Stats.
SECRET MEDAL 5 Points Unlock this medal to see it's details. Medal Stats.
He See You 5 Points He See You Medal Stats.
First page 5 Points First page found Medal Stats.
High Note 10 Points Complete 5th mission Medal Stats.
Balancing act 10 Points Complete 4th mission Medal Stats.
I'm on my way 10 Points Complete 2nd mission Medal Stats.
Target Practice 5 Points Complete 1st mission Medal Stats.
Total Medals Earned: 487 (From 103 different games.)
Latest Shared Creations
sanford Added to pumpkins for Carve n' Share Jun 10, 2011. Load Level
Favorite Audio
|Techno Song
|Static Shock Remix [C89]
|Dance Song
|Alphascan - Sbs B0unc3 Rm
|Dance Loop
|[NB] Megaman 3 StageSelect mix
|Video Game Song
Favorite Art
Favorite Movies
[MD2011] The Magician Rated 4.4448 Stars Enjoy the magic show, The Magician has some tricks up his sleeve! Comedy - Parody TF2 - The Question Rated 4.4339 Stars The Engineer asks Heavy a very important question Comedy - Parody Cookie Jar Gone Wrong Rated 4.4366 Stars Who took the cookie from the cookie jar? Comedy - Original Behind Eddsworld Rated 4.2207 Stars an eddsworld short Comedy - Original
Favorite Games
The Newgrounds Card Game Rated 4.0710 Stars Collect and play online with all your favourite Newgrounds characters! Strategy - Other Madness: Project Nexus Rated 4.4632 Stars Blaze through the Madness Universe in this sidescrolling Shoot 'Em Up! Action - Shooter - Run 'n Gun Spin Sprint {Orange} Rated 4.1402 Stars A spinning follow-up to Spin Climb, Disorientative Goodness! Action - Other - Music in Motion - Rated 4.3617 Stars Who says music and platformers don't mix? Very Unique Experience! Rhythm

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Arizona State's Will Sutton honored with Pat Tillman No. 42 jersey
[dropcap]A[/dropcap]rizona State coach Todd Graham selected defensive tackle Will Sutton to wear the camouflaged Pat Tillman No. 42 jersey in spring practice.
Graham began the tradition last year, with safety Alden Darby receiving the jersey. It's given to a player who demonstrates leadership and toughness on and off the field.
He presented the jersey to Sutton at a team meeting Thursday.
"This is not going to be some fluff deal," Graham said. "I said, 'Will has earned this jersey. The key to our success is that he keeps it.' We challenged him with that."
Sutton, a senior, was named the Pac-12 Pat Tillman Defensive Player of the Year and an All-American last season. He led the conference in sacks (13) and tackles for loss (23.5).
"It's an honor because (Tillman is) somebody who did a lot for this university and for our country at the same time," Sutton said. "It means a lot."
Graham said it's up to Sutton how long he'll keep the jersey.
"You've got to earn it. You've got to bring it every day," he said. "I'm telling you, (Sutton has) been bringing it every day. He's coaching the other guys. He's telling guys this is not acceptable. He didn't do that last year.
"He was a great player last year but he didn't do all those things."
Photo credit: Craig Grialou / Arizona Sports


text:
Hotels in 92860 - Norco CA
Only hotels in 92860 zip code are listed below. Search for cheap and discount hotel rates in Norco, CA for your upcoming leisure or conference / group travel. We list the best 92860 hotels and motels so you can review the Norco hotel list below to find the perfect lodging. Hotels in Riverside county and area code 951 are also listed.
92860 Hotels/Motels & Accommodations
Next: Show All Available 92860 Hotels with Pricing >


text:
Alameda Breast Lift Doctors
Alameda Breast Lift cost
Average cost in US: $7,900
Average cost in Alameda: $8,700
Alameda Breast Lift reviews
70% of Alameda reviewers said Breast Lift was worth it
"Breast Lift by the BEST Doctor EVER..."
I was approaching my 30th birthday when my boyfriend began asking what I would like for my gift. Jokingly, I said a breast lift. I really was kidding but started thinking more and more about it and decided to set up a few consultations. I had lost a good amount of weight and was unhappy with my breasts as that was the one area that really showed the significant weight loss. Starting this... more
"Single Mother of Two Toddlers..."
This man is a good example of abuse of power. I believe that he knows that he has the power to affect the outcome of peoples lives. He can greatly improve someones life by giving them the best results possible and he can ruin someones life by nearly disfiguring them in his operating room. I feel like I was singled out by this "Dr." I showed up at his office for a mommy make over which included... more
"Best Decision I Ever Made - Breast..."
I wanted to write this review b/c i know when i was researching doctors, the input of a patient was incredibly important to me. One month ago today, I had a breast lift done by Dr. Cheng. There are not enough nice things I can say about him and his staff…..but I'll do my best. When I first called to schedule a consultation, his staff was prompt, knowledgeable, and generally pleasant to... more
"Lollipop Breast Lift on Small..."
I've always had saggy boobs for as long as I can remember. I'm size 36B or 34C and hoping I can stay around the same size. I would love to have bigger breasts, but don't want fake objects in my body. I'm really worried about the scarring since I'm 31 and single(hopefully men don't freak out about this), but after looking at some of the pictures here post-op 3 months I'm really hoping I have... more
"Dr. Degnan in Walnut Creek is the..."
I have never has perky breasts but after gaining and losing 40+ pounds, they were rather sad. Having a secure job allowed me to save some money to splurge on something I always wanted.. Perky breasts. I had a consultation with Dr. Larry Fan in San Francisco and though I'm sure he would have done a decent job, I left there feeling a little uneasy about their hard selling methods. I then took a... more
I never thought of myself as one who would even consider cosmetic surgery. I feared looking fake or done over. Having breastfed twins in 2009, however, my once DDD breasts had shrunk to a sagging, unattractive B. They were uncomfortable without a bra and formed two puddles in one. I felt self conscious wearing swim suits or workout tops at the gym. Catching a glimpse of my bare chest in the... more
"Breast reduction - Concord,CA"
Have not yet gotten this procedure, but I am all scheduled!! Some about me: I am 19 years old, 5'6, and 135 pounds. As of now I have a 30DDD bust. From developing quickly and early on, they have dropped quite a bit and caused back pain, not to mention endless teasing. I have finally got up the courage to start going to consultations! My main concerns were: smaller, perkier, natural looking... more
After nursing three kids for six years, my breasts were more like sacks than breasts. With much trepidation (because I am not the plastic surgery 'type') I made an appt. The Dr comes highly recommended for her skills in the surgery room but I wanted more. What I found is that she is real and she got it. She got that I was nearly 40 and not ready to have my breasts look 80. She got... more
"She Changed my Life for the Better!..."
I had this procedure because although having a lift with implants the year before, my implants were too large, assymetrical, I had severe scaring and stretching and drooping. This was affecting my back and I could not exercise. I was hiding my breasts. more
"Best Female Sugeon in the Bay Area!!..."
My breast were sagging more
"Young and Dumb! Two Years Post-op..."
I had my son at age 16; obviously I'm not so bright. I've always wanted bigger and firmer breast. At age 22 I decided to go under the knife. I just wanted them done, didn't do any research. I regret not doing my homework especially on the scars that's left behind. It's been two years since I had them done. I got a breast lift and implants. I love my breast they look... more
"My Breast Lift (Post-breast Feeding)..."
I am very pleased with my breast lift. After breast feeding my daughter for a year and a half, I had long sagging breasts. Now after having this procedure done, they are lifted, full and perky. She also used a type of breast lift called a doughnut hole lift, where she only makes an incision around the areola, so I have minimal scarring. more
"Minimize Scars from Breast Lift"
I had a breast lift revision for scars 6 weeks ago. I am starting to see the same pattern as with my previous breast lift where the vertical and horizontal lines meet under my right breast. That scar is widening and is turning white and a little wrinkled. On my left breast, the vertical line is starting to widen (from the center of the vertical line down the where the horizontal line is)... more


text:
We've been hearing quite a bit about Google Glasses as the Mountain View company works on developing awareness for their upcoming product. Recently, the company released video footage of what it would be like to have these glasses on and now, the company made use of center stage at South By Southwest to highlight another facet of Glasses.
So far, much of the information has been on the hardware side of this device, but now, we're hearing more about applications. There were three applications that came to light and they included Skitch, Path and the New York Times. Using the Path app, representatives were able to snap a crowd picture using the integrated camera and then upload it to the social network.
This feature seemed pretty straightforward, but the next feature that they highlighted was quite interesting. For the New York Times app, the company was able to display breaking news reports with images and text directly into the users eye. Additionally, the app was also able to read the text to the customer using the headphone that he would be wearing.
Over the coming weeks and months, we can expect that we will see a large number of apps come to the table as the company has released a Glass API for developers.


text: Team DrexElectric Ramps Up Work on their Formula Hybrid Racecar Recommend this story April 11, 2012 Drexel's engineering students are working hard to complete a racecar that meets both electrical and mechanical specifications for Society of Automotive Engineers (SAE) Sixth Annual Formula Hybrid International Competition scheduled for April 30— May 3 at the Motor Speedway in Loudon, N.H. The competition challenges students to design, build and race an open-wheel, single-seat hybrid racecar. The car must conform to a formula which emphasizes drive train innovation and fuel efficiency in a high-performance application. Under the advisory of Dr. Kevin Scoles, associate professor of Electrical and Computer Engineering (ECE) and Dr. Tein-Min Tan, associate professor of Mechanical Engineering and Mechanics (MEM), the team consists of both Formula Hybrid club members and students. Seniors from ECE include Nathalie Capati, Norman Chan, Ian Gallagher (team captain), Adam Hollock and Yuen Kwan Lo. MEM's seniors on the team include Ryan Garis, Nikolas Heid (team captain), Ahmad Hijazi, John Lang and Marwan Mahfooz. The purpose of the competition is to offer students the opportunity to gain hands-on experience by working on every aspect of their vehicle from the design to the finish line. In addition to speed, agility and endurance, student racecars will be judged on factors such as safety, reliability, manufacturing and assembly, marketability and design innovation. "I'm looking forward to getting it all built up and ready to go," says Gallagher. The team showed off some of the work they have put together in the garage. They first set up all of the electronics that will help power the car. The students then can simulate details of the vehicle such as the driver's accelerator pedal and battery management system before wiring them into the body of the car. Scoles, who has served as an advisor for Drexel's Formula Hybrid team for five years, said, "This year's team has worked extremely hard and is about to start test driving. It's a good design and workmanship has been top notch, so I expect the team to do well." To learn more about the SAE Formula Hybrid Competition, visit their official website. To see the Drexel team's progress, view the Flickr album.


text:
|"Devon H. O'Dell " <dodell@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
|Mon, 11 Apr 2005 22:02:42 +0200
On Mon, Apr 11, 2005 at 01:01:14PM -0700, Matthew Dillon wrote: > Hmm. Do I have to start policing IRC? (That's an oxymoron, by the > way, IRC is only one notch higher then the USENET in my "100 best ways > to burn time while at work" list). Should I start making faces at Jeff ? That shouldn't be necessary :). > In anycase, there are other things going on here unrelated to the > Project and I respect Devon putting his foot down and doing what he > thinks is best for him. Yes, to be fair, there are also other personal situations that mandate this as well. > Devon, I wish you luck in all you endevours and you will always be > welcome on our groups! > > -Matt Thank you! I will keep this in mind; perhaps when things clear up a bit, I will be able to make more time for this again. --Devon
Description: PGP signature


text:
|Easy and cheap
|96 songs - 0% edited
|by Skye2cool
Mish-mosh of the last 60 years with almost no country
|Beatles, Sarah McLachlan, Better Than Ezra, Chris Isaak, Matchbox 20, Sixpence None The Richer, Everclear, Rob Thomas, Blondie, Simon & Garfunkel, Jewel, Paul Simon...
|Easy and cool
|61 songs - 0% edited
|by xorb
Some cool and easy songs to start out with.
|The Cure, David Bowie, Johnny Cash, Misfits, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, Lou Reed, Astrid Lindgren, Deep Blue Something, Gary Jules, Ben E. King...
|Easy and Mellow
|45 songs - 0% edited
|by fiberkids
A mix of favorite songs - Mostly folk and ballads - Enjoy!
|John Denver, Peter, Paul and Mary, Simon & Garfunkel, Traditional, Bette Midler, Beatles, Everly Brothers, Ricky Nelson, Paul McCartney, Loreena McKennitt, John Lennon...
|Easy and Pop/Rock Songs
|57 songs - 4% edited
|by aaaabbi
All easy and most newish songs. Rock on!
|Oasis, Avril Lavigne, Killers, Nickelback, Razorlight, James, Coldplay, David Gray, Busted, Keane, James Morrison, Black Eyed Peas, Elton John, Eagles, Monty Python...
|Easy and Popular!
|9 songs - 0% edited
|by firstname.lastname@example.com
Various Rock from the 80's onward.
|Various Artists, The Cure, Unknown, Johnny Cash, Monty Python, Dire Straits, Mr. Big and System Of A Down
|Easy as Pie?
|17 songs - 82% edited
|by LennyKravitz
Jack Johnson, Matchbox 20, Bon Jovi, Matt Costa...
|Jack Johnson, Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, Black Sabbath, Marshall Tucker Band, Matchbox 20, Costa Matt, Pearl Jam and Phil Collins
|Easy Autoharp Songs
|30 songs - 0% edited
|by TZx2
Easy 3&4 chord songs for autoharp or guitar
|John Denver, Gordon Lightfoot, Tim Hardin, Traditional, Leonard Cohen, Woody Guthrie, Neil Diamond, John Lennon, Monkees, Van Morrison, Michael Martin Murphey...
|Easy Baritone Uke
|69 songs - 9% edited
|by lebonton
easy to play songs for the baritone ukulele
|Leonard Cohen, Creedence Clearwater Revival, John Prine, Van Morrison, Bob Dylan, Hank Williams, Rolling Stones, Eagles, Jimmy Buffet, Jackson Browne and Glenn Frey...
|Easy beginner songs
|78 songs - 0% edited
|by christianhermansen
My guitar teachers list of easy songs to start with. And some more....
|Beatles, Bob Dylan, Chuck Berry, Alanis Morissette, Stone Roses, Johnny Cash, Billy Ray Cyrus, Little Richard, Buddy Holly, Various Artists, The Animals, Bill Haley...
|Easy Beginner Stuff
|37 songs - 0% edited
|by cmpmccartan
Compiled by a beginner
|Roger Miller, Righteous Brothers, Carpenters, The Drifters, Mamas and The Papas, Alison Krauss & Union Station, Elton John, Misc. Christmas, Classic Rod Stewart...
|Easy Beginner Tracks
|50 songs - 22% edited
|by baz1860
Simple Melodys, Easy to play. Perfect for beginners.
|Runrig, R.E.M., R.E.M, Blue Rodeo, Dire Straits, Van Morrison, Audioslave, Led Zeppelin, Barenaked Ladies, James Taylor, Bruce Springsteen, Peter Sarstedt...
|Easy Campfire Songs
|6 songs - 0% edited
|by sarahjayne
A easy selection of well known and traditional campfire songs for all the family! Perfect for beginners to strum along in no time!
|Traditional, Bryan Adams, Bob Dylan, Proclaimers, Misc. Cartoons, Snow Patrol, Queen, Sound Of Music, Jeff Buckley, Felder, Henley & Frey, Abba, Jungle Book, John Lennon...
|Easy campfire stuff
|15 songs - 100% edited
|by dopex
I just started playing. And I can not play all of these... ...yet. But I'll keep practising... ;)
|Rolling Stones, The Animals, Metallica, Herman's Hermits, Eagles, Verve, Harry Jekkers, John Lennon, Guns N'Roses, Limp Bizkit, R.E.M, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day...
|50 songs - 8% edited
|by cajuncurlzz
Rock of all sorts
|Jewel, Rolling Stones, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Alanis Morissette, Reba McEntire, Reo Speedwagon, Supertramp, Cranberries, James Blunt, Eagles, Van Morrison...
|Easy Collection
|143 songs - 0% edited
|by failfree
Very simple songs for beginners to play.
|Misc. Gospel, Hillsong, Chris Tomlin, Third Day, Matt Redman, Traditional, Tim Hughes, Sonicflood, Martina McBride, Rich Mullins, Misc. Religious, Brad Paisley...
|Easy Come Easy Go
|98 songs - 0% edited
|by MatteGais
Pretty easy songs for the beginners
|Beach Boys, Celine Dion, Phil Collins, Pogues, Scorpions, Pointer Sisters, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Dolly Parton, Avril Lavigne, ? 1979 Bruce Springsteen (ASCAP)...
|Easy cool songs.
|52 songs - 2% edited
|by timesaround
Thanks to the people who transcribed and tabbed I had fun with this lot. Enjoy.
|Radiohead, Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, Bob Dylan, Echo and The Bunnymen, Coldplay, Van Morrison, Cure, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Donovan Leitch, Tears For Fears...
|Easy Country
|17 songs - 24% edited
|by chadandersen
These songs are fairly easy to play, so most beginners will be able to handle the chords. Listen to the songs for the strum pattern.
|George Strait, Andy Griggs, Toby Keith, Craig Morgan, Mark Wills, Tim McGraw, Randy Travis, Diamond Rio, Jeff Bates and As Sung by Collin Raye
|Easy drunken songs
|35 songs - 0% edited
|by Estevepadros
Easy songs for Rock lovers.
|Bruce Springsteen, Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, Monty Python, Ac/Dc, Ben E. King, Van Morrison, Peter, Paul and Mary, Boomtown Rats, Elvis Presley, The Beatles and Cure
|Easy Ed's Accoustic Part II
|77 songs - 1% edited
|by easy ed
Some fun, some sad but all great guitar tunes.
|Eric Clapton, Paul Simon, Gordon Lightfoot, Johnny Cash, Jimmy Buffett, Bob Dylan, Bob Seger, Band, Neil Young, Traditional, Toto, R.E.M, Elvis Presley...


text:
A science blog with Eric Berger
Posts filtered on Tag
Did you see the bright meteor over Houston this morning? (With photos)
A reader wrote this morning, saying: "Have you heard anything about a big meteor over Houston this morning? My husband was at the bus stop with neighbor and kids around 6:45 — they all saw a bright streak, then a bright "explosion" then a series of colors then it disappeared. My husband said it seemed like it was […] [Read More]


text:
Now Playing
Connect with Us
KRWG.ORG-The Region's Home Page
Director of Content
News Director
Multimedia Reporter
Fronteras Reporter, KRWG-FM and Anchor, KRWG-TV's Fronteras-A Changing America
Operations Manager, KRWG-FM And Anchor, KRWG-TV's Fronteras-A Changing America
Host, KRWG-FM's Fiesta! and PUENTES
KRWG Jazz Host
Host, Friday Night Blues; Saturday Night Jazz
Host, KRWG-FM's Intermezzo
Host, KRWG-FM's Intermezzo
9:28 pm
Sat January 19, 2013
Mobile Home Fire Under Investigation
By KRWG News And Partners
A Chaparral family of two adults and three children was temporarily displaced Friday night after their double-wide mobile home caught fire and was destroyed.
Doña Ana County Fire and Emergency Services were dispatched to the 300 block of Luna Azul at 3:45 p.m. on Jan. 18. Fire crews from Chaparral, Anthony, Chamberino and La Mesa arrived at the scene four minutes later, but the home was already fully engulfed.
It took fire fighters about 20 minutes to bring the fire under control. Fire departments from El Paso and Otero counties also assisted at the scene.
There were no injuries reported. The Doña Ana County Fire Marshal's office is investigating the cause.