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New York, NY - (November 25, 2013) -Christie® projectors have been selected by The Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) for their presentation of the exhibition Isaac Julien: Ten Thousand Waves, a moving image installation by the renowned artist and filmmaker on view in the Donald B. and Catherine C. Marron Atrium from November 25, 2013 through February 17, 2014. Working with MoMA, Christie partner Michael Andrews Audio Visual Services (MAAVS) selected eight Christie WU14K-M WUXGA DLP® projectors and one Christie HD14K-M 1080 HD DLP® projector to meet the needs of the exhibition and realize the ambitious vision of the artist.
Ten Thousand Waves premiered at the 2010 Sydney Biennial, and has been exhibited internationally to wide acclaim. The original inspiration for the 50-minute presentation was the Morecambe Bay tragedy of 2004, in which 23 Chinese cockle pickers drowned on a flooded sandbank off the coast of northwest England. The Christie projectors will display the installation's beautifully crafted visuals, which incorporate images of archival footage recorded by a police helicopter the night of the tragedy, accompanied by audio recordings of distress calls from the scene. With this tragedy at the center of the work, Julien poetically interweaves images of contemporary Chinese culture with its ancient myths.
Christie Delivers for MoMA and the Artist
The technology used to present Ten Thousand Waves is essential to its exhibition at MoMA. A total of nine Christie projectors will display the work onto nine doubled-sided screens ranging in sizes from 16 feet wide up to 23 feet wide, all hung at multiple levels and locations throughout the atrium. The exhibition is intended to be viewed not only from ground level, but also from the upper floors, which themselves are at various heights and angles to the display and look down on the space. These multiple perspectives encourage audiences to move through, and interact with, the sights and sounds of the installation from their personal points of view.
Eight Christie WU14K-M projectors light up eight screens of various sizes, while one Christie HD14K-M projector lights up the ninth, and largest, screen. The intricacy of these arrangements required the use of cutting-edge audio-visual display technology to deliver powerful and bright images, as well as crisp and clear sound, to create a large-scale immersive experience. The projectors also had to be exceptionally bright to overcome the challenges of the high ambient light environment.
According to Michael Wright, President of Michael Andrews Audio Visual Services, it was paramount that the state-of-the-art display technology chosen run smoothly and bring all aspects of the installation together to achieve its full visual impact. The Marron Atrium is an expansive, high ceilinged, public space where the museum has less control of ambient light and sound, requiring a technological solution that could overcome these challenges.
"We choose Christie high performance projectors because they offer the most reliability and flexibility, and always deliver the excellence our customers demand in their visual displays," said Wright. "The installation required full design flexibility, so that they could be arranged to fit the artist's needs within the atrium space. Since the moving images are projected from challenging angles, the projectors also needed to match the images and colors flawlessly, making the Christie M Series a perfect fit for this project. Working on such a large scale and with so many projectors, the museum used the new Christie InControlTM App to individually control and calibrate every aspect of each projector wirelessly."
"At Christie, we help our customers create and share the world's best visual experiences, and we proudly support the works of innovative artists such as Isaac Julien, who are experimenting with unique ways to tell their stories to the world," said Mike Garrido, senior product manager, Business Products, Christie. "Ten Thousand Waves is a great example of how advanced visual display technology can help facilitate an artist's creative vision, and we are thrilled to provide Christie projectors for this exciting project at MoMA."
Part of the Christie M-Series 3-chip DLP® projector platform, the Christie WU14K-M and Christie HD14K-M offer high resolution (1920 x 1200 WUXGA and 1920 x 1080 HD respectively), and feature embedded warping, blending, and color matching capabilities for ultimate design flexibility. Drawing a maximum power of 1500W with two lamps instead of four, they are also highly efficient, with low operating costs.
About Michael Andrews Audio Visual Services
Founded in New York City in 1987, Michael Andrews Audio Visual Services' early work was based on basic equipment rentals and tape stock sales. Today, Michael Andrews stands as a premier Manhattan-based organization with national reach, supplying full service technical-production capabilities and a broad range of audio-visual equipment services to a wide array of clients. Utilizing state-of-the-art technology, a full complement of meeting specialists and over twenty years working experience, Michael Andrews continues to deliver innovative, high-quality service.
About Christie
Christie Digital Systems USA, Inc. is a global visual technologies company and is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Ushio Inc., Japan (JP:6925). Consistently setting the standards by being the first to market some of the world's most advanced projectors and complete system displays, Christie is recognized as one of the most innovative visual technology companies in the world. From retail displays to Hollywood, mission critical command centers to classrooms and training simulators, Christie display solutions and projectors capture the attention of audiences around the world with dynamic and stunning images. Visit www.christiedigital.com.
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Abstract available in
Claims available in
Description (OCR text may contain errors)
E. HASLETT March 16, 1954 COASTER Filed Nov. 22, 1950 INVENTOR.
Patented Mar. 16, 1954 UNITED STATES PATEN T OF F ICE 10 Claims.
This invention relates'to coasters in which'may be received and supported the bottom ends of objects such as drinking glasses, bottles and cans, in order to protect surfaces of furniture on which one may desire to place such objects. Heretofore, coasters commonly in use have generally been shallow pans or dishes of rigid materials in which such objects may be placed for support. A difliculty with such prior coasters is that they do not remain attached to the bottoms of any of such objects, and persons using such objects are likely, in moving about, to lose or negligently forget the coaster and place the object, without the coaster, directly on furniture, with possible injury to the furniture. If the object to be supported is cold, and the air is very humid, moisture may be condensed by proximity to the cold surface, collect on the outside surface of the object, and run down upon the furniture surface if no coaster is used, or collect in the coaster if one is used.
An object of the invention is to provide an improved coaster which may remain attached to an object, such as a glass, bottle or can, while in use, and which will not be open to the objections against prior coasters.
Another object is to provide an improved coaster which will automatically expand and contract and lit objects having considerable differences in size; which will frictionally adhere to the bottom of a glass, bottle, can or other object fitted therein, so as to remain attached to the object as the object is moved about; which will be exceptionally light in weight; which will collect, absorb and hold condensed moisture running down the exteriorsurface of the object fitted in the coaster; which will support the object it holds in a stable position, will not mar or injure any furniture or other surface on which it may be placed; which is washable and sanitary; which absorbs shocks, prevents noise, and avoids breakage of the object to which it is attached when that object is placed somewhat violently on a surface; which may provide a wide variety of color to distinguish individual glasses or bottles to which attached; and which is simple and attractive in appearance, and relatively inexpensive.
Another object is to provide-an improved, simple, practical and inexpensive method of makin coasters of cellular elastic material.
Other objects and advantages will be apparent from the followin descrlptionof several'embodimentsof the invention, and the novel features 2, will be particularly pointed out hereinafter in connection With-theappended-claims.
Inthe accompanying drawing Fig. '1 is a side elevation of one embodiment of a coaster constructed in accordance with th invention, with a glass above it in-a position :to be placed therein;
Fig. 2 is a planer-the same, with anapkin fitted in a loop on a-sidethereof Fig. 3 is asectional elevation of the same, the
section being takenapproxima'tely along the line 33 of Fig. 2;
Fig. 4 is another side elevation of the same, as viewed approximately from the line 4-4 of Fig. 2;
Fig. 5 is another sectional elevation ofthe same, the section being taken approximately along the line 5 5 of Fig. 2, but with a glass fitted in'the coaster;
:Fig. 6 is a'plan of another'embodiment-ofthe invention;
Fig. 7 is vasectional elevation of the'coaster of Fig. 6 to illustrate details of construction;
Fig. 8 is a sectional elevation of still another embodiment of the-invention, and
Fig. 9 is aplan of a blank used in forming-the ring of the improved coaster.
In the embodiment of theinvention illustrated in Figs. 1 to 5, the coaster includes an annular ring I ofcellular elastic-material,havingitsupper end face 2 bevelled or chamfered-off, so as to face inwardly as well as upwardly. A relatively thin disc 3, alsoofhighlyelastic material such as cellular elastic material, abuts the bottom of the ring I and is sealed or cemented thereto, so as to form with the ring a cup-like body of cellular elastic material. A small loop 4 of any suitablematerial, preferably formed-of a thin strip of cellular, elastic material is attached tO'One exterior-sideof the ring, so that a small paper napkin '5 (shown only in Figs. and 4) may be slipped through the loop-4 to be carried thereby and made available to the user of thecoaster, when an object having such a coaster attached to its bottom end is served to a person. A bottle or drinking lass-emery have the'coasterattached thereto by placing th glass or bottle directly above the coaster, asshown in Fig. 1, and then forced downwardly into the coaster. As the bottom end ofthe glass or bottle'engages the beveled end face 2 of-the coaster ring, the-glass or bottle will expand or cam the ring into an enlarged position as the glass enters the ring. The expandedring will then frictionally engage the periphery of the bottleor glass so as to adhere firmly thereto and move therewith as the glass or bottle is moved about in use. The ring of the coaster preferably should not exceed 2 inches in height nor be less than about /2 inch in height. The inside height of the ring should be at least about inch in order to grip an object securely. A height of about 1 inch appears to be about right for the exterior height of the ring for most purposes. The thickness of the wall of the ring is preferably between about A and /2 inches, and the bottom wall of the coaster, as represented by the disc 3, has a thickness preferably from about 1% inch to /8 inch and should be substantially less than the thickness of the ring Wall. The thickness of the strip of which the loop A is formed may advantageously be about the same as that of the disc 3. It will be observed that the inner surface of ring I is at a level lower than that of the upper end of the ring encircling it, so that there is a rabbet or groove 7 (see in the upper end of the ring surrounding the glass or object 6.
While the coaster may be molded in one piece of cellular elastic material, it is preferably formed by the method of cuttin a strip 8 (Fig. 9) from a sheet of cellular elastic material of uniform thickness, and cutting cne edge 9 at an angle or bevel when cutting that edge. The ends of this strip are then brought together, abuttin end to end, and cemented together along line ill in Fig. 2 to form a unitary, annular ring I. The disc 3 is then cut or stamped from sheet material and cemented to the bottom of the ring. The loop 4 is formed of a strip of flexible material bent into 100p form and cemented or otherwise attached to the side of ring I.
If the side wall of the ring is too thin or too thick it wont fit both wine size and standard sizes of glasses, and if too thin the rin will not be selfsupporting. While highly elastic, sheet rubber may be used as the bottom of the coaster, it is not as satisfactory as cellular material because it isnt noiseless and doesnt absorb shocks that might break a lass or bottle held therein.
While any cellular, highly elastic material may be used, those known as sponge and foam rubber or latex are preferred. Such cellular rubber materials are now formed of natural rubber and also of the synthetic resinous materials popularly known as synthetic rubbers. There are two types of such cellular elastic materials, one known in the trade as foam rubber which, because it has many small cells communicating with each other to cause it to act as if it has one continuous cell, is called unicellular by some. It is porous and water absorbent or sponge-like in its char-- acteristics, and the other known in the trade as sponge rubber which is multicellular, nonporous or impervious, and non-absorbent of water. The foam or porous rubber is an expanded cellular material with macroscopic, intercommunicating cells, and is also sometimes called an intercellular, or open cell structure rubber. The sponge rubber is similar except that the cells are closed or non-communicating. I prefer to use the multicellular or sponge rubber in sheet form as the base of the coaster, and the unicellular or foam rubber for the ring I, so that the ring 5 will absorb moisture condensing on the glass or bottle and collecting in the groove 1 in the top end of the coaster and around the glass or bottle. Both types of cellular material may be washed, are perfectly sanitary, and when the coaster is removed and squeezed, after use, any condensation collected in the absorbent ring I will be squeezed out as it is in a sponge when the sponge is squeezed. Such materials may be easily washed and sterilized.
In the embodiment shown in Figs. 6 and 7, the ring I is formed as explained in connection with Figs. 1 to 5, but the bottom disc 3, instead of being cemented across the entire bottom end of the ring, is of a size to enter the opening in the bottom of the ring and at its periphery is cemented to the inner periphery of the ring. The loop 4 is omitted in this embodiment.
In the embodiment shown in Fig. 8, the ring is formed as explained for Figs. 1 to 5, but the bottom disc is of two cemented together layers 1 I and [2. The layer I I may be of unicellular elastic material like the ring I, and in that case, the layer [2 of thin, highly elastic, dental rubber sheeting is preferably cemented to the bottom face of layer H so that it will prevent passage of moisture through the bottom layer l I.
The coaster may be made of a variety of differently colored materials, so that different glasses or bottles which they support, may be easily distinguished from one another. When the word rubber is used, it is intended to include not only natural rubber, but also all of the resinous rubber-like materials that are commonly used as a substitute for rubber and have rubber characteristics. Coasters of this type are light in weight, sanitary, and inexpensive.
It will be understood that various changes in the details, materials and arrangements of parts which have been herein described and illustrated in order to explain the nature of the invention, may be made by those skilled in the art within the principle and scope of the invention, as expressed in the appended claims.
I claim:
1. A coaster of cuplike shape having an open end and an opposite closed end, the side Wall being of water absorbent, sponge like, foam latex, and the closed end of approximately equal elasticity but impervious on its outer face.
2. A coaster comprising an annular ring of unicellular, elastic, water absorbent material, open at one end, and a multi-cellular disc of elastic, non-water-absorbent material attached to and closing the other end of said ring.
3. The method of making a coaster which comprises cutting a strip of unicellular elastic material with one side edge bevelled, bringing the ends of the strip into abutting relation to form a ring, with the narrower face on the inside, cementing together the abutting ends of the strip, and cementing a disc of multi-cellular, elastic material to the end of the ring opposite from the bevelled edge.
4. A coaster comprising an annular ring forming a side wall which is longitudinally straight in vertical section at the inside wall for a substantial part of its height, a flat disc of uniform thickness across it secured to, bridging and closing one end of said ring, the other end of said ring being open, said ring being formed of highly elastic, cellular, water absorbent material, the cells of which are macroscopic, and said disc being impervious to the passage of water from face to face therethrough under the action of gravity.
5. A coaster of cup-like shape with a cylindrical cavity having one end open and an opposite end closed, the side wall being circumferentially unconfined so as to be free to expand outwardly when an object is inserted in the ring, and of water absorbent, cellular elastic material, the cells of which are macroscopic, and the closed end being cellular and elastic, but impervious to the passage of water therethrough from face to face.
6. A coaster comprising an annular, cylindrical ring of elastic, cellular, Water absorbent material, open at one end, and a disc of elastic material carried by, bridging and closing the other end of said ring, said disc being impervious to the passage of Water from face to face therethrough, and the outer circumference of said ring being fully exposed and unconfined, so as to be free to expand outwardly when an object is inserted in the ring.
7. A coaster comprising an annular ring of elastic, cellular, water absorbent material, and a disc of elastic, cellular material extending entirely across and cemented to one end face of said ring to close it at that face, said disc being impervious to the passage of water therethrough from face to face.
8. A coaster ccmprising an annular ring of elastic, cellular, water absorbent material, and a disc of elastic, cellular material within and extending across the passage of said ring, flush with one end thereof and cemented to the inside wall I of said ring, said disc being impervious to the passage of water therethrough from face to face.
9. A coaster comprising an annular ring of elastic, cellular, water absorbent material, and a disc of elastic material secured to and closing one end of said ring, said disc being formed of two superposed, adhering layers, the upper layer which forms the closed end of the ring passage being cellular with macroscopic cells, and the other layer being highly elastic and impervious to the passage of water therethrough from face to face.
10. A coaster comprising a cup-like, elastic body having an approximately cylindrical cavity with one end open and the other end closed and formed of elastic expanded cellular material with iii) 6 macroscopic cells throughout, the side wall of said body being Water absorbent and the closed end wall of said body being impervious to the passage of water therethrough from face to face.
References Cited in the file of this patent UNITED STATES PATENTS Number Name Date D. 97,347 Gambell Oct. 29, 1935 718,517 Perry Jan. 13, 1903 791,097 Jericho May 30, 1905 1,006,475 Gardner Oct. 24, 1911 1,192,824 Bohlman July 25, 1916 1,381,071 Flannery June 7, 1921 1,659,644 Vernet Feb. 21, 1928 1,660,729 Strock Feb. 28, 1928 1,683,205 Packard Sept. 4, 1928 1,756,713 Vernet Apr. 29, 1930 1,759,176 Voorhees May 20, 1930 1,891,077 Beach Dec. 13, 1932 1,930,441 Miller Oct. 10, 1933 1,957,263 Gray May 1, 1934 1,971,337 Collins Aug. 28, 1934 2,059,769 Bell Nov. 3, 1936 2,103,003 Fischer Dec. 21, 1937 2,113,888 Kaparin Apr. 12, 1938 2,140,213 Tegarty Dec. 13, 1938 2,142,150 Replogle Jan. 3, 1939 2,197,326 Streyle Apr. 16, 1940 2,215,633 Campbell Sept. 24, 1940 2,220,545 Reinhardt Nov. 5, 1940 2,263,122 DeI-Iaven Nov. 18, 1941 2,320,425 Glaes et al June 1, 1943 2,379,311 Martin June 26, 1945 2,395,293 Pfleumer Feb. 19, 1946 FOREIGN PATENTS h umber Country Date 191,611 Great Britain Jan. 18, 1923
Patent Citations
Referenced by
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- Pius Adesanmi
- February 12, 2009
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Pliny the Elder gave his folks in ancient Rome one of the most famous sayings about Africa: Ex Africa semper aliquid novi (from Africa always something new)! The Romans were in too much of a hurry. They spoke several centuries too early. They should have waited until 1914 for the birth of Chief Obafemi Awolowo's "mere geographical expression". They would have been able to declare: ex Nigeria semper aliquid novi. There is just never a dull moment in good old Naija. Never a lull in our endless supply of farce and that is precisely what makes Nigeria tick. Last week, we entertained the world by unveiling the first goat ever to be arrested for armed robbery in the history of humanity, sorry, I meant to say history of caprinity.
We have followed up on this remarkable feat by giving the world what US-based Nigerian scholar, Valentine Ojo, would call an unbeatable "weekend relaxation treat". We have now invented the world's most effective formula for conflict resolution, courtesy of Ambassador Segun Olusola's African Refugee Foundation. Here's Daily Champion of Friday January 30, 2009 on the latest first from Nigeria: "FOUNDER of the African Refugee Foundation (ARF), Ambassador Olusegun Olusola last weekend conferred the agents of peace of ARF on 41 winners of female virginity contest. He said that the award was his own way of celebrating the 41 virgins, who participated in second Nigerian virgin girls celebration organised last year by Princess Adediran Adunni in Lagos. Amb. Olusola said the awardees whose ages ranged from 15 and above, have demonstrated that they can be trusted in resolving conflicts as volunteers of the ARF (my emphasis). While encouraging the girls to remain chaste as long as necessary, the ARF boss advised young people especially girls to live a pious life that would be useful to them and their community. Meanwhile, the 41 virgins would also enjoy free gyneacological care if they remained chastise (sic)."
I had to read the report several times to make sure that the bone-chilling freezing temperature of Ottawa wasn't doing funny things to my brain. Then I saw the same news report in other newspapers. Teenage girls as young as fifteen are becoming certified crisis managers and agents of peace in Nigeria? Just by keeping their hymens unruffled? Well, I have some suggestions on how these national assets could be deployed for optimal results. President Barack Obama has just appointed Mr. George Mitchell as his Special Envoy to the Middle East. In fact, Mr. Mitchell left for the region only last week to try and broker a peace agreement between Israelis and Palestinians. Mr. Mitchell should be fired immediately. The Nigerian Ambassador to the United States should seek an emergency audience with President Obama and tell him that Nigeria now has an African solution to the intractable Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Five of our newly-minted virgin conflict managers should be deployed in the Middle East as President Obama's peace envoys. We are left with thirty-six. Charity begins at home. We must send a virgin to each of the thirty-six conflict-prone states of the Federation. Subsequent batches of certified virgins should be deployed in Darfur, Zimbabwe, Somalia, and Congo.
We must prepare for potential drawbacks. We have been producing too many virgins in Nigeria lately. Perhaps we are manufacturing virgins out of some desperate desire to have something that works in Nigeria? If we can't have sustainable democracy, if we can't have sustainable development, we can at least have sustainable hymenization. First, Covenant University insisted on subjecting all her female undergraduate students to virginity tests until the Nigerian Universities Commission, pushed by public outrage, called the Christian Ayatollah owners of that University to order. Now, Ambassador Olusola's African Refugee Foundation has dabbled into the business of manufacturing pubescent virgins. My fear is that Nigeria may become the destination of the ghost of every ambitious suicide bomber who blows himself up in the Middle East in anticipation of the reward of seventy-six virgins in paradise. Why blow yourself up and travel all the way to paradise when your ghost can just migrate to Nigeria and be rewarded here on earth with the NAFDAC-certified virgins we are producing left, right, and centre? Forget Al-Janna. The reward of martyrdom is now in Lagos. I won't be surprised if we start reading reports about sightings of Arab-looking ghosts and apparitions in Nigeria.
A feminist backlash is inevitable. I can picture the angry faces of some of my feminist sisters in Africanist scholarship when they read about this latest assault on womanhood by a Nigerian patriarchy clever enough to instrumentalize a woman, Princess Adediran Adunni, who organized the virginity pageant on behalf of men. Ambassador Olusola should brace himself up for the coming storm. The only way to prevent this is for his Foundation to ensure gender equity by subjecting pubescent boys to virginity tests and making them peace envoys if they pass the test. If we can turn a human being into a goat and arrest it for armed robbery, it shouldn't be too difficult for us to devise scientific ways of determining if a teenage boy has eaten bearded meat or not, abi?
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Re: NAFDAC-Certified Virgins
Olusiji posted on 02-13-2009, 13:38:24 PM
Security for these virgins, our ambasssadors, must be very tight from now on. First we must deploy a detarchment of mobile Police from that unit where that lady complained of rape last month. They will never allow such acts to happen again to any other lady having learnt a bitter lesson from that incidence.
We must guard these chaste girls properly particularly that male kidnappers tend to like young girls. They might consider it a challenge to discover hidden places, you know, like Mungo Park.
Re: NAFDAC-Certified Virgins
Chimby posted on 02-13-2009, 13:53:18 PM
A friend of mine use to say that NOT ALL CLOWNS WEAR COSTUME and i totally agree with him. Nigerian Leaders or those who claim to be our leaders are clowns in disguise just like Ambassador Olusola. probably old age is telling on the man. Sincerely anytime i think about this country all i do is weep. The most painful part in all of these is that there is no hope anywhere. We are getting worse off with each passing day in this country.
Re: NAFDAC-Certified Virgins
Changenigeriamovement posted on 02-13-2009, 16:32:45 PM
For some unknown reasons, Nigeria has a way of producing more than its fair share of demented public officials. From the arrest of the goat armed robber to the certification of virgins as peace makers, these are very worrying signs of continuing decay. But I am not shocked. I knew long ago that Nigeria would get here and go beyond it. I hope I am wrong because of my love for the country. There is no hope in sight for this country. Not even 2011. People hoped for 1999, then hoped for 2003, then hoped for 2007. Every election gets worse than the one before. The talk of a better election next time is just a way of controlling the minds of the people. Elections will never be free in Nigeria under the existing structures. Those who looted the treasury have not been jailed, the stolen billions in their possession has not be retrieved. These individuals have a stake in keeping the system corrupt.
What makes Nigerians think and believe 2011 elections will be different. They think all of a sudden Nigerian politicians are going to realize that election rigging is a sin? My friends (apology to John McCain) Nigerians should start looking for a practical solution to their problem of leadership. For those who want to learn, numerous examples abound around the world.
With the way things are going in Nigeria, today unprecedented suffering and looting of the treasury, I personally believe and hope that Nigerians will solve their problem before 2011. The solution will be up to the people, not Maurice Iwu, not the federal government or the national assembly. We continue to believe.


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SEBRING - When Highlands County resident Maggie Bobe arrived at the Highlands County Animal Control on the day before Christmas this year, the clock was ticking.
Seven dogs were scheduled to be euthanized at 4 p.m. that day to make way for other abandoned or stray animals caught by animal control officers.
Bobe, using her cell phone and with the help of others posting information on Facebook, found homes for six of the dogs, she recalled. At that point, she had less than 10 minutes to find a home for the seventh.
Around that time, Eileen Keenan, a Cape Coral resident, saw the postings on Facebook and was horrified at the thought that one of those dogs might not live to see Christmas.
She called Bobe and offered to adopt any one of the dogs.
"When I called that day I was in tears," she said.
As a result of that call, Bobe succeeded in rescuing the seventh dog, Duke, a black mouth cur, who is now with Keenan. Duke would have been euthanized within five minutes, she said.
The rescue of Keenan and the six other dogs wasn't the first by a group named the Sebring angels. During the last three years, they've saved almost 2,000 dogs and cats at Highlands County Animals Control, said June Wilson, who is an administrator on the Facebook page, Sebring, FL Urgents.
Darryl Scott, animal control director, said the group is instrumental in reducing the number of animals being euthanized.
Efforts by Animals Control to publicize the fact that animals can be adopted and the work of the group "have had a great effect over the euthanization rate," Scott said.
"We can only hold animals for so long," Scott said. They don't have the room to house the animals for the long term and at the same time take in new ones, he said.
Statistics that Wilson received from Animals Control show the number of cats euthanized dropped from 3,010 from 2010-2011 to 2,150 from 2011-2012 and 1,650 from 2012-2013.
For dogs, the numbers dropped from 837 in 2010 to 617 in 2011 and to 582 in 2013.
The Sebring Angels that have helped Scott and his operation got started after a Fort Myers woman, Kate Flanigan,saw a posting about an animal at Highlands County Animals Control and adopted it.
Wilson said the Facebook page, which has more than 4,000 followers, typically includes photos of animals in danger of being euthanized.
Wilson, like many of the people who support the effort in some way, such as by committing to pay for adoptions, fostering animals, delivering dogs and cats to those who will adopt them or adding to the web site, don't live in Highlands County.
They've had people from as far away as Connecticut agree to pay for adoptions in Highlands County, said Wilson, who lives in Port Richey.
Bobe became involved with the network after her daughter sent her a link to the page. She said she had recently lost her Chihuahua and saw one on the page that was in danger of being euthanized.
"I couldn't sleep that night because I saw that Chihuahua," she said.
Bobe said she traveled to the shelter and rescued that dog.
On Tuesday, Bobe met Karen Jackson, who has run a lab rescue operation. Jackson traveled to the Animal Control from near Clearwater to get three dog that will be taken to no-kill shelters in the Tampa-St. Petersburg area.
But several animals remained in danger of being euthanized by New Year's Day.
Although the work continues endlessly, Bobe and others take comfort in saving all the animals scheduled to be euthanized Christmas eve.
Keenan said Duke, the black mouth cur delivered to her, is a wonderful dog to have in her house.
"Every time I look at him, I remember how close he cam to being put down," she said. "He got a Christmas miracle for sure. They( the six other dogs facing euthanization) all did."
(863) 386-5834


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Here in No. Indiana, I can go to a group at Hegamen Library in Porter, IN, which started out with less than 5 of us, a couple of yrs. ago & is now at least 25, but I'm the only man.
Also on certain days, I go to SHEEPS CLOTHING in Valparaiso, IN., where they have classses, alot of all types of yarn & everything else of that kind of craft stuff! I'm not the only man there but I'm the most frequent male customer.
I am fortunate to belong to several knitting groups here in Casper. Mainly women, but we still have a great time comparing notes, etc. as we work on projects.
I recently joined a knitting club near my home. BUT, I also take my knitting everywhere, friends homes, doctor's offices.....etc.
I already belong to a knitting & crochet group in my area. We knit in public in a restaurant.
That is so cool. I still can't find or get a group together here in Los Angeles.
You're in LA; widen your search; you just have to be prepared to spend several hours on the freeways. ;-)
Have you tried Ravelry? I did a search by location and there are lots of groups there. Try cutting and pasting this link into your browser:


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So you think with this new income for Blizzard, would we able to see the promised upgraded models any time soon?
Author of: Goggle Cat Comics.
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Sturgeon's Law states that 90% of everything is crap. When posting try and be in the 10% once in a while. It makes it better for everyone. First rule: Post about the topic, not about one another.
Avatar source: https://twitter.com/frenone
---------- Post added 2012-10-05 at 04:56 PM ----------
Patch 5.1: Milking of Pandaria
Why does this not surprise me in the least.
Originally Posted by Mike Morhaime
And with World of Warcraft, you're capable of more than just changing one graphic. Or would you like to disagree with that?
mists 2.7m included the pre-orders too, moot point.that includes months of pre-orders too, it all gets counted as "release day sales"
Originally Posted by Mike Morhaime
---------- Post added 2012-10-05 at 06:02 PM ----------


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IT'S WEB-SLINGING TIME AS SPIDEY TEAMS WITH THE THING! When Ben "The Ever-Loving Blue Eyed Thing" Grimm, does a charity bit stint at the F.E.A.S.T. Center, the Center's employee of the millennium, May Parker, asks him to find her missing nephew, Peter "The Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man" Parker. What he uncovers is an A.I.M. conspiracy out to exploit the homeless population of New York City! By Tom Peyer & Todd Nauck (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN)
"Supergirl" Casts its Lucy Lane


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Thu 12 Apr 2012
Art for Peace SakePosted by tabsir under Yemen , Contemporary Art , "Arab Spring" , Sanaa
The aftermath of the protests in Sanaa, the capital of Yemen, left many walls filled with dueling graffiti. One Yemeni artist has taken to the streets, bringing neighborhoods together, to take back the walls through art. See the video here.
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Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has opened her hate-spewing mouth yet again.
Last month Brewer appeared on Fox News in yet another attempt to defend SB 1070 — her anti-immigration law set to take effect in Arizona on July 28. On the show, Brewer said the law was necessary to combat the crime seen in her state, including kidnappings, extortion and BEHEADINGS?!
When questioned about her beheading accusation on a local Arizona political show, 12 News' Sunday Square-Off last week, Brewer had this to say:
"Our law enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert, either buried or just lying out there, that have been beheaded," said Brewer.
One problem: officials from six county medical examiners around the state could not back Brewer's claim, saying they've never seen or heard of such attacks.
Read more: arizona, beheadings, decapitations, gov brewer, illegal immigration, immigration, immigration law, jan brewer, politics, sb 1070
photo credit: White House flickr
@Shelley W. ~ Where are you getting your information about how many illegal Mexicans Obama is deporting?? Please share with us so we can All be on the same page with your facts..
At the time of all these past posts He was not only Not doing it ~ But was also hindering the efforts of the AZ authorities about them doing anything.. That is why Gov. Brewer was in Washington.. Either help out or take off the handcuffs..
Illegals are more than just Mexicans too.. Our borders are so open they are just walking across our borders day and night.. (from all around the globe) Remember this the next time a terrorist act is committed on U.S. soil.. The time to stop them is Before they get across..
Finally ~ I agree with you.. Bring our troops home; (we are not the worlds police).. And we can not be telling another country how they should govern themselves or their land.. Thats their business
It seems we all feel pretty much the same - except I disagree that Obama is doing nothing. He has deported more illegal Mexicans than any other President.
Sometimes I wonder why we go across the globe to tell countries how they should live, when Mexico (next door!) is so horrible the people flee in droves? Why don't we tell the President of Mexico to clean up his country or else! Let's bring home our troops and take care of our own piece of the planet!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Over 90% of investigators identify race as a factor in gang involvement. Mexicans were more than twice as likely to be in a gang.
Don't call me racist. Even if they make anchor babies, they need to leave. Along with their children.
Why should we stand up for their rights when they have jobs that WE need. People need jobs, yet illegal immigrants are employed everywhere. At Mc.Donalds. As bus drivers. As farm hands. As meat packers. In factories. I'm not trying to pin them down as bad, but it is MEXICANS who are the illegal immigrants. Not British. Not Korean. Mexican. Sure they can be good people, so long as they are legal immigrants. If you go to a public school, you see MEXICAN kids with their pants hanging low, failing class, and fighting in the halls. Because their parents were illegal immigrants who came over the border to feed their 8 children. They may or may not have beheaded people, but either way, they need to GO.
I also support Gov. Brewer. My DD lived in AZ, and we were going to move there. Not noW! It has been taken over by ILLEGAL immigrants and so many parts of AZ are just terrible ghettos where crime is rampant. Some areas are like ghost towns....like LA.
We live near Denver which is also taken over by illegal immigrants. But then what part of the US has not been? I live in fear, and we keep guns at the ready.
I especially hate the "click one for English" and the commercials aimed at Mexicans. This issue is making me feel racist, but the Mexicans brought it on themselves.
I support Governor Brewer and Sheriff Joe 60,000% and beyond. They are doing the job of the Federal Government and protecting American citizens while the Feds and Obama want these criminals over here. Gone too far? Not far enough. I live in Waukegan, Illinois and the illegals have completely taken over. The illegals started coming to Waukegan in the 80's and nobody did a thing about it. If they would have been deported one by one 20 years ago we wouldn't have the problem we have now because now it is way too late. Nothing is in english anymore and 20 people live in a house, cars all over the place, drunk driving, no licenses, no insurance, welfare benefits and housing because of anchor babies, and child molestation every other day in the newspapers. Some 45 year old man lovin some 12 year old. However, in Mexico 12 is the age of consent so they don't get it. The United States have let the illegals get way out of hand and because they keep breeding anchor babies we will NEVER get rid of them.
Apparently, Investor's Business Daily is saying it as well:
"Drug cartel violence is a serious problem in Mexico. An Investors Business Daily editorial noted last month, Beheadings, stonings, car bombs and terrorist attacks speak to a lust for power every bit as implacable as that of the Afghanistans Taliban or insurgents in Iraq.
Nice try to paint Governor Brewer in a bad light, but it's not working on the majority of Americans. We don't need anything as extreme as beheadings to show us the illegals need to go home. So, beheadings or not, we are adamantly opposed to illegal immigration.
Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may
not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.
Hopefully, some good things will happen because of Cecil's murder.
. . . and while we take action to hold those accountable for Cecil's death, how many other nameless animals…
Ugh, this poor guy has had it tough, i'm glad to see he got a lucky break!
Problem on this page? Briefly let us know what isn't working for you and we'll try to make it right!


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Don Felo Reviews
I wasn't sure what this cigar was. Never had one until that day. It looked ok, but nothing special. Then I put that puppy in my mouth and lit her up like the 4th of July. Well that cigar lit me up right back. The taste was astounding. I'll never forget that day when I first met lil' Felo. We've been together ever since.
I discovered these while I was searching for a smaller, shorter, smoke on famous. I was intrigued by the name because Felo happens to be my surname. Been through a bundle and I can certainly say it s a great little cigar!
I discovered these while I was searching for a smaller, shorter, smoke on famous. I was intrigued by the name because Felo happens to be my surname. Been through a bundle and I can certainly say it s a great little cigar!
Good little stogie for not a lot of $$$. Great for when you only got the expensive ones left over in-between shipments or when you just want a something to gnaw on.
These are by far one of the best small cigars I have smoked. The draw is perfect and the taste is very mild but yet smooth. I was able to smoke one of these last night for about 30 minutes before putting it out. These burn very nice and even. Highly recommended for the value.
This is my first favorite Honduran cigar. Well-balanced taste and aroma, medium-bodied nice smoke.
This is a nice little cigar packed with flavor and lots of smoke. It will stay in my humidor
I'm glad I took a chance on these. This is the best small cigar I've found for the price. I'll be smoking these on a regular basis from now on!
I was pleasantly surprised by this cigar. A little stronger than my normal swisher but I thought well put together and good burn.
Nice price. Decent flavor, poor construction.
These are my daily smoke. They are small enough to smoke in a reasonable amount of time and they taste great. I must have smoked a thousand so far and they never fail to sastify, an easy draw. They are made from cut offs, but who cares.
tasty little cigar unbeatable price.nice quick smoke.harsh to some but tasty little spicy cigar to me.all cigars were consistent in quality with a good even burn good draw and good taste.not the best construction on earth but it depends on the user.


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The Footlighters will be performing "Wait Until Dark," a play by Frederick Knott on Sept. 19-21. The production will be a dinner theatre with doors opening at 5 p.m., dinner at 6:30 p.m. and the play to start at 7 p.m.
BROCKPORT – The Horton Township Supervisors on Wednesday discussed upcoming Marcellus Shale activity within the township.
At their regular meeting Tuesday evening, Ridgway Area School District Superintendent Dr. Michael O'Brien reported on new standards for Pennsylvania's Educator Effectiveness Project in which the district has participated in since the 2012-2013 school year.
JOHNSONBURG – At their regular meeting Monday evening, the Johnsonburg Borough Council recounted the success of last weekend's Harvest Festival.
WILCOX – The Jones Township Supervisors on Monday discussed their recent correspondence with several drilling companies concerning Act 13 notifications. Two notifications were received for Jones Township along with one for Wetmore Township.
The Ridgway Armory along North Broad Street and the former Pennsylvania Army National Guard weekend training site at 5509 Grant Road were recently posted for sale after officials from the Department of Military and Veterans Affairs [DMVA] discussed the process during a Ridgway Borough Council meeting back in July.
ST. MARYS – The Elk County Community Foundation (ECCF) celebrated yet another major milestone in surpassing the $2 million mark in total dollars awarded to community agencies, municipalities and groups.
MT. JEWETT – Clad in protective suits and wearing masks attached to air tanks, law enforcement agents looked for evidence Thursday night at a suspected "meth lab" in a Mt. Jewett residence.
KANE – Two young victims of a horrific traffic accident were laid to rest Thursday following a teary-eyed funeral service at St. Callistus Catholic Church in Kane.
ST. MARYS – Area residents took time to reflect on Thursday evening at a gathering at Memorial Park in St. Marys to honor four members of the community who died in a car crash Saturday. Those in attendance released balloons into the sky "In Memory of Gary and Elaine Beimel, Davey Cuneo and "Flossie" Donachy,"-- "In memory of those who have left us, may this light rise to the heavens to shine with you through all eternity."


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Leon T. Hadar reviews Sand's bestseller in Middle East Policy:
"Countering official Zionist historiography, Sand questions whether the Jewish People ever existed as a national group with a common origin in the Land of Israel/Palestine. He concludes that the Jews should be seen as a religious community comprising a mishmash of individuals and groups that had converted to the ancient monotheistic religion but do not have any historical right to establish an independent Jewish state in the Holy Land. In short, the Jewish People, according to Sand, are not really a "people" in the sense of having a common ethnic origin and national heritage. They certainly do not have a political claim over the territory that today constitutes Israel and the occupied Palestinian territories, including Jerusalem."
Read the full review here.


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Tuckerman, Edward, 1817-1886
From Library of Congress Name Authority File
Tuckerman, Edward, 1817-1886
Instance Of
Scheme Membership(s)
Collection Membership(s)
Exact Matching Concepts from Other Schemes
- found: LCCN 64-54836: His Collected lichenological papers, 1964- (hdg.: Tuckerman, Edward, 1817-1886)
- found: New-England's rarities discovered, 1820: title page (with an introduction and notes by Edward Tuckerman, a.m., prof. of Botany in Amherst Coll.; member of Am. Antiq. Soc., Am. Acad. of Arts and Sciences ...)
Change Notes
- 1985-05-03: new
- 2013-02-07: revised
Alternate Formats


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The NBA and World Wrestling Entertainment were locked in a bitter dispute over arena privileges, as they were double-booked at the Pepsi Center on Monday night. Sports writers are calling the situation a silly argument between a phony organization where all the outcomes are predetermined, and the WWE.
Google is using a highly sophisticated algorithm to determine which of its employees are most likely to quit. The system takes into account employee surveys, peer reviews, and people who sign each memo "So long, suckers."
A man in England is recovering, after falling 6,000 feet into a rocky mountainside after he failed to open his parachute while skydiving. Even more amazing: the guy said the entire time he was falling, he still felt safer than he would have flying Continental.
Newsweek is reporting that Vice-President Joe Biden revealed the location of a top secret Vice-Presidential bunker while speaking at a high-profile dinner in the capital. Fortunately, nobody there heard the location, because they had dozed off long before he got to it.
Experts are warning that GPS satellites are close to failing, and the system could be close to a breakdown. GPS officials couldn't be reached for comment, because they had just driven into a volcano.
I got a GPS not too long ago, and it's very advanced. I said I wanted to go to Cambridge, and it said "Take a right." I said I wanted to go to Somerville, and it said "Take a left." I said I wanted to go to Roxbury, and it said "Take a gun."
People are still talking about Rachel Alexandra winning the Preakness. Jockey Calvin Borel raised some eyebrows, after he ditched a male because he thought he'd have a better chance riding a female. When asked why, Borel said, "Hey, it worked for Lindsay Lohan."
Oregon Governor Ted Kulongoski said that Americans need to scale back their consumerism because it is harming the environment. Kulongoski said that staying at home and not spending any money could also allow Americans to focus on other issues, like fixing the economy.
The economy's bad. Today, Miss California lost her shirt!—And not in the fun way!
It's hurting athletes. Brad Penny—working at JC Penny.
It's real bad. Today I saw Scrooge McDuck at the park, fighting for bread.
The economy's so bad, I'm back to buying visors, because I can't afford the whole hat!
And finally…
In Australia, a kangaroo is recovering and expected to make a full recovery after it spent a week with an arrow lodged down the middle of his head. Wildlife officials are calling the animal amazing; scientists are calling him a miracle; Steve Martin is calling him a hack.
* * * * *
How was your week? Mine was pretty enjoyable…as the above offering likely proves. Got to see a bunch of old friends, make a bunch of new friends, and took part in three great comedy shows. Dartmouth College was a blast, and I can safely say that driving up there on such a nice day was probably the best ride to a comedy show I've had. Sorry, Keene State in a rainstorm/Turners Falls in a blizzard.
Then on Friday and Saturday, I got to play at the Griffen Theatre in Salem, MA, and was even more blown away by how cool those audiences were. This further cemented Salem as one of my favorite all-time towns…despite its pretty messed up tourism ploy. I still maintain those broads could have been holding book club meetings—which, come to think of it, is pretty good cause for burning. So never mind, I'm cool with it.
Three shows this week, but only two to plug:
1)I'm at The Comedy Studio in Harvard Square this Friday. It's going to be a great, great show, with the likes of Dan Boulger, Shaun Bedgood, Bill Braudis, Chris Pennie and maybe another guy who I worked with at Dartmouth last week. Hosted by Ken Reid. 8 PM, 10 bucks cheap, and tickets can be ordered in advance HERE. Great show, don't miss it.
2) I'm at the Italian Community Center in Beverly, MA at 8 PM on Saturday. Gonna be swell.
That's all I got for ya. See ya next week, for what could be the last new one for a while. Stay tuned.
Comedienne Wanda Sykes caused a controversy at the White House Correspondents Dinner when she made jokes comparing Rush Limbaugh to Osama bin Laden. The next day, he called it outrageous to be compared to such a loathsome, vile being—and Limbaugh was pretty pissed, too.
On his radio show, Rush Limbaugh said the Democrats should be scared to death of the prospect of Sarah Palin being the Republican nominee in 2012. So, it looks like Republicans and Democrats could finally have something to agree on.
The FDA sent a letter to General Mills criticizing the company for "serious violations" and gave it 15 days to fix packaging for Cheerios that says the cereal lowers cholesterol and treats heart disease. In addition, the company will also be forced to change the packaging for Trix, after a class action suit brought by rabbits.
According to a new report many meals at popular restaurant chains are loaded with salt, which can increase a person's chances of developing hypertension, heart disease, strokes, and kidney disease—all of which transformed Grimace from a successful tri-athlete to the poorly-circulated blob you see today.
A judge in Saudi Arabia has ruled it acceptable for men to beat their wives for spending lavishly. When he heard the news, Chris Brown proposed to Rihanna, and announced they were moving to Saudi Arabia.
Singer Rihanna has reportedly recorded a new song that criticizes her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown, who allegedly assaulted her in February. The song is expected to bring a whole new meaning to the phrase "hit record."
At a mass in Jordan, Pope Benedict called for a greater global respect for women—unless the women are applying to be a priest, a cardinal, a bishop or a pope.
It was reported that Madonna and her boyfriend would have a commitment ceremony at a Kabbalah center in New York this weekend. They would have done it last weekend, but the kid didn't want to miss his prom.
An increasing number of people who have serious medical conditions, such as diabetes, are tattooing their condition on their wrists rather than using bracelets. Even celebrities are getting into the act, with Paris Hilton making it all the way to "Chlamyd."
Boy George was released from a British prison on after serving four months for falsely imprisoning a male escort. The remaining inmates celebrated by Boy George's release by showering—for the first time in four months.
Two Washington state men were injured after they began urinating on what they thought was an empty car, when the angry driver got out of the car and attacked them. Even more embarrassing was the fact the incident occurred at a Formula One race.
The first streaker ever at Citi Field, the New York Mets' new stadium, ran onto the field and slid into second—or, as it's called in baseball, the old unhidden ball trick.
And now it's time for…
Officials in Italy are investigating the alleged involvement of the mafia in the construction of several wind farms. This could explain why today, the guy leading the investigation woke up to find his ceiling fan in his bed. And that's how we play…
Scientists are saying that a massive tsunami wave crashed into what is now New York City 2,300 years ago, scattering seashells and debris as far as Long Island and New Jersey. And today, FEMA finally showed up to help out.
A new study shows that people are not wired to be texting while driving. I believe it was published in the New England Journal of Common Sense.
At a conference in Washington, former Secretary of State Colin Powell said the GOP is in trouble, and that the Republican Party is shrinking. Then he looked at Rush Limbaugh, and said, "Well, maybe not all of it."
One of the last remaining Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz has died at the age of 89. His remains were placed in an urn. The amazing part: he wasn't even cremated.
And finally…
The Cavs and Magic will meet this week in the Eastern Conference Finals. Kevin Garnett is not expected to play. Hey, you dish 'em out, you take 'em, folks.
* * * * *
Three shows to plug this week:
1)I'll be at Dartmouth College this Thursday with Joe List and Tom E. Morello. Bring it on, smart kids.
2)I'll be at the Griffen Theatre in Salem, MA this Friday at 8 PM. Bring it on, witches.
3) I'll be at the Griffin Theatre in Salem AGAIN on Saturday, at 8 PM. Bring it on, townsfolk.
Go Nuggets.
As a result of testing positive for a banned substance, Manny Ramirez will have to sit out 50 games. So, it'll be just like any other season. KA-POW!!!
151 million Mothers Day cards were sent this year—and that was just to the Octomom.
A computer hacker has been charged with breaking into the Twitter accounts of Britney Spears and Ashton Kutcher. Twitter suspected someone had hacked into Britney's account when her tweets began to make sense.
Radio giant Clear Channel announced it is cutting 590 jobs due to the recession. The way they made the cuts was pretty insensitive; apparently, they told their employees, "If you want to keep your job, just be the twelfth caller!"
The State Department has started a new Musical Overtures program, which sends musicians to the war zones of Iraq and Afghanistan in hopes of sending the message that music is "universal." At least, that's what they're telling Celine Dion.
In Quartz Hill, California, a 17-year-old girl used a marching band baton to fight off two would-be muggers. To show you how rough the neighborhood is, it happened during a parade.
Activists in the Kenya are urging women to withhold sex for a week to protest the growing divide in the nation's coalition government, and are even willing to pay prostitutes to withhold sex as well. So they'd have a bunch of whores getting paid not to work—or as we call it here, "Congress."
President Obama jumbled a joke at a White House Cinco de Mayo celebration held on May 4, when he referred to it at "Cinco de Cuatro," which translates to five of four. When he heard the news, President Bush said, "100 days on the job, and the guy already thinks he can speak French."
Most businesses in Mexico reopened Wednesday after being closed for five days because of swine flu, but they now face a complex set of new health restrictions that includes a mandatory two empty seats between people at movie theaters—thus making "The Ghost of Girlfriends Past" a surprising key to recovery.
Jennifer Aniston said recently that she would participate in a "Friends" movie, but only if they make it before they all get "old." Which I think is actually Jennifer Aniston's way of saying she won't participate in a "Friends" movie.
In what's being called a medical breakthrough, a Japanese scientist is on the verge of discovering a way to to grow a human organ inside of a sheep—to which farmers in Kentucky said, "So?"
The favorite to win the Kentucky Derby, I Want Revenge, was scratched hours before the race. As a result, his name has been changed to Never Mind, We're Cool.
This week, Chanel, who has been named the world's oldest dog by Guinness World Records, turned 21 years old. And man, did that bitch get wasted.
A man in Texas is auctioning off the original recipe for Dr. Pepper, which he found in an old book he bought years ago. The recipe: 1) a cup of cola; 2) a cup of root beer; 3) stir.
In New York, a woman who worked for a major jewelry manufacturer has admitted to stealing 500 pounds of gold over the course of six years by smuggling it out piece by piece in her purse. Authorities believe the woman was taking the jewelry to supplement her other career as Flavor Flav's dentist.
The latest message from Somalia's Al-Qaeda-backed Al-Shabaab wing is an 18-minute hip-hop video that features a guy rapping. Al-Qaeda says it hopes the video strikes fear into the hearts of the infidels, and gets nominated for a VMA.
One of Britain's leading forensic scientists has created a clay sculpture of the earliest known European face. Apparently, he was able to make a cast for the sculpture when Keith Richards fell asleep.
In London, a man and a woman were arrested for having sex on the lawn of Windsor Castle while the Queen was inside. Her Majesty was irate when she heard the news, especially since she'd asked for two chicks.
According to a new survey, the French spend more time sleeping than any other country, finally explaining their cheery disposition.
The French Navy seized 11 pirates Sunday after they mistook a French warship for a commercial ship and made a run at it off the coast of Kenya. How unbelievable is that? France has a warship?
The Swiss government has rejected an effort by a man to register the Madonna of Orgasm Church as a faith community because of the offensive name. As a result, the man has changed the name to the much less ridiculous Satan of Orgasm Church.
A judge has denied former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich the travel visa that would allow him to appear on the NBC reality show, "I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Outta Here." The good news: he still stands an excellent chance of appearing on another reality show—"Lockup."
In Los Angeles, auditions are underway for a new musical based on the Octomom, Nadya Suleman. They plan on calling it "Octomamma Mia!"
* * * * *
I am appearing along with Dave Rattigan, Juston McKinney (two Tonight Shows!) and Joe Wong (a recent Late Show!) at Palio's Italian Grill in Lexington, MA THIS SATURDAY. It's gonna be a great, great show, and I am thrilled to be part of the lineup. Have a nice week.
The H1N1 Swine Flu
That's the big story everyone. Posing a threat as the most damaging global pandemic since Spice World, the H1N1 Swine Flu has been all over the news over the past week. Some people say it's dying. Some say it could come back. While others with no immediate prospects are shaking hands with everyone, showering at the gym and essentially daring fate to bring it on. How has H1N1 changed our society? Here now, a Cause & Effect breakdown of The Swine Flu.
CAUSE: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says department preparing for swine flu pandemic the same way it would a hurricane.
EFFECT: FEMA preparing relief packages to send a week late.
CAUSE: U.S. lawmakers say key to preventing the spread of the swine flu is securing the Mexican border.
EFFECT: Homeland Security: "Thanks, we needed the laugh."
CAUSE: Doctors warn that wearing facemasks can be dangerous, as they lead people to take risks they shouldn't be taking.
EFFECT: Sarah Palin explains to her kids that facemasks don't qualify as an effective birth control method.
CAUSE: Airports begin detaining travelers who look ill.
EFFECT: Rolling Stones cancel their summer tour.
CAUSE: Texas Governor Rick Perry requested that over 37,000 doses of Tamiflu be sent to Texas from the Strategic National Stockpile.
EFFECT: Perry so busy requesting help from the U.S., he barely has time to talk about seceding from it. (Applause, applause, applause).
CAUSE: In Mexico, soccer teams play to empty stadiums because of the swine flu scare.
EFFECT: Washington Nationals: "Uh—yeah, us too."
CAUSE: Egypt outlaws kissing or excessive physical contact.
EFFECT: Men in country report a lower-than-normal number of "pants pyramids."
CAUSE: Egypt orders all 300,000 pigs in the country slaughtered immediately.
EFFECT: Wienerschnitzel announces merger with Egypt.
CAUSE: Egypt orders pigs slaughtered, despite the fact they are not responsible for spreading the virus.
EFFECT: Experts said they hadn't seen a group attacked like this for something they weren't behind since we invaded Iraq. What??? Who said that???
CAUSE: The World Health Organization says all countries should prepare for the worst, especially the poorer ones.
EFFECT: We're screwed!
And in other news, it's time for…
General Motors has announced plans to close most of its U.S. factories for nine weeks this summer, due to slumping sales. This makes GM the first Detroit-based organization to take an entire season off since—well, the Lions.
In last weekend's game against the Yankees, Boston's Jacoby Ellsbury became the first Red Sox player in ten years to steal home—I'm sorry, "foreclose" on it.
The CEO of AirTran wants the airline to be the first to fly from the U.S. to Cuba if travel restrictions are lifted. Travelers could expect limited perks, stale food and zero internet access—and the flight over there would be even worse.
Myspace co-founder Chris DeWolfe announced he is stepping down from his job as CEO of the social networking site, after its recent decline in popularity. Ironically, this is the first anyone's heard of the decision, since he announced it on Myspace.
It's believed Arlen Specter may have switched to the Democratic party to boost his reelection chances. I don't want to say Specter switched sides just for publicity, but his new Secret Service codename is Lindsay Lohan.
Admiral Blair Dennis Blair said torturous interrogation techniques are bad, because the damage they do to our global image outweigh their immediate benefit. Then, he said the same thing about Subway's Five Dollar Foot-Longs.
A Saudi court has sided with a man who divorced his wife via text message. When asked how he felt about the ruling, the man said "I'm happy, relieved, and LMAO."
In Colorado Springs, a pregnant woman is recovering from minor injuries after she was hit by a car while running from a bear. Even more amazingly, it turns out the car was being driven by a bobcat.
In New York, a group of scientists say they have created an alternative to Viagra that can be applied by rubbing it directly into the skin. I just hope they don't hire the same ad guys as HeadOn.
In Charleston, West Virginia, a woman is charged with trying to sell her five-month-old son in order to pay for a new apartment. Authorities are calling the woman troubled; parenting groups are calling her a disgrace; Madonna is calling her with an offer.
* * * * *
Three things to mention this week: First of all, I will be hosting this Wednesday night May 6 at The Burren in Davis Square. Show is at 10pm , and is absolutely FREE.
Next, I am going to be at The Claddagh in Lawrence on Friday night with Jim Dunn of Sox Appeal, Joe Wong of The Late Show with David Letterman, and Dave Rattigan of Sirius XM and my mom's hometown. The show is at 7pm.
Third, I am going to be at the Dover Bowl in Dover, NH on Saturday night. The show begins at 9, and more information can be found here.
Last, I do not care for Joakim Noah.
That is all. See ya next week.
Texas Governor Rick Perry said voters in the state could get so fed up with the federal budget mess, they may want to secede from the union. This would have a tremendous effect on American culture; for instance, Walker Texas Ranger would instead be known as Walker Foreign Ranger.
People in New York were frightened when one of the twin 747s that serve as Air Force One flew alarmingly close to the city for a planned photo op. That's right, one of the two, twin 747s that serve as Air Force One. And I think I speak for all Americans when I say how delighted I've always been that our government's plan for presidential air travel is the same plan the producers of Full House had for Michelle.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said the U.S. is ready to talk to Cuba. Her first order of business is finding out where Castro gets those nifty, retro pantsuits.
As part of a new effort to pay off Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign debt, supporters can pay as little as five dollars for a chance to spend the day with former President Bill Clinton. In order to be eligible, bidders are required to submit a valid credit card number and bra size.
Georgetown University says it was asked to cover up the monogram symbolizing Jesus Christ while President Obama spoke at the school this week. Apparently, the president's aides felt having the symbol for Jesus in the background at an Obama speech would be a little redundant.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy recently indicated that President Obama is "weak" and "indecisive." Then he said, "In other words, he's our kind of guy."
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave a speech that was so offensive, several European diplomats actually walked out. I don't want to say this is bad news for Ahmadinejad, but his new Secret Service codename is Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
iTunes is now charging users $1.29 for new downloadable music, up from just 99 cents. The good news: you can now save an extra 30 cents when you download it illegally.
A group of musicians have recorded a love song written by legendary mob boss Al Capone while he was in prison, called Madonna Mia. To which A-Rod said, "Is there anyone you haven't dated?"
Madonna was injured in a horseback riding incident in the Hamptons. The good news: her hospital room is right next to the nursery.
People are still talking about the Yankees' 22-4 loss to the Indians, for the sake of this joke. I haven't heard about someone getting pounded like that in New York since—well, Bernie Madoff.
Two Washington Nationals players were forced to take the field with the team's name misspelled on the front of their jerseys. The guys said they didn't mind the mistake, as for one fleeting moment, it gave them a chance to deny that they play for the Nationals.
Scientists are saying that human obesity is playing a hand in the global warming crisis. Today, Al Gore said he was going to make some changes in his life—starting by denouncing the theory of global warming.
Scientists are saying that human obesity is playing a hand in the global warming crisis. The good news: today, the Olsen Twins were nominated for a Nobel Prize in environmentalism.
The Boston Herald is reporting that the original Filene's Basement may be forced to close up for good. The good news: Filene's son might finally have to move out and get an apartment of his own.
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I'll be at Shooters Pub in Exeter, NH this Saturday night at 7:30 $8, 21+. See ya then.
(UPDATE: This has been called off. Sorry, folks.)
Vice-President Biden threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Oriole's Camden Yards on Opening Day. You could tell it was thrown by Biden, because it went long and missed the mark completely.
In the gunfight that ensued to rescue Captain Richard Phillips, three Somali pirates were killed, and one was captured. Experts said they haven't seen a group of pirates get beat this bad anywhere since—well, Pittsburgh.
Some moral and legal issues have been raised about the surviving Somali pirate's legal status, as he could be younger than 18 years old. And his problems don't end there; today when she heard the kid might be going to jail, Madonna broke up with him.
President Obama's science advisor John Holdren has introduced a new global warming plan that would shoot pollution particles into the earth's upper atmosphere to reflect the sun's rays. The tactic will be known as Operation: We're Rubber, You're Glue.
The Washington Post noted that the new White House dog, Bo, is very taken by President Obama, and likes to follow him around obediently—wait, I'm sorry, that's Chris Matthews.
President Obama is expected to lift restrictions and make it easier for Americans to travel more freely to Cuba. To which Yankees scouts said, "Oh…it's good to hear we can start doing that just now…"
Kevin Garnett is expected to miss the playoffs completely. The good news: today he was named an honorary Knick.
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I'll be at Slapshots in Merrimack, NH this Friday at 8PM, and at the Kikuyama Japanese Steak House in Dedham, MA this Saturday at 8PM. See ya there.
Caseworkers in Arizona have discovered a new trend of older couples looking to adopt school-age children—or, as it's normally called, "kidnapping."
In New York, two dozen people auditioned to become a clown with Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Not surprisingly, they all arrived in the same car.
U.S. ship captain Richard Phillips reportedly escaped his pirate captors by saying he had to relieve himself, then jumping overboard. Which I think, more than anything, tells you all you need to know about the male mentality. "Yeah, I know there's two million dollars in ransom at stake—but there's no way I'm holding that guy's hand while he pees."
Chrysler has unveiled a new Jeep Grand Cherokee SUV that only gets 20 miles per gallon. Not to be outdone, GM has unveiled a new Hummer that runs solely on vintage champagne.
General Motors and Segway on Tuesday introduced the PUMA, a new two-wheeled, two-seat electric vehicle that they say is designed to be a fast, safe, inexpensive and clean alternative to ever getting laid.
The Manhattan district attorney's office has stopped a plot to smuggle nuclear weapons material to Iran through unwitting New York Banks. Apparently, the culprits blew their cover when they wrote "nuclear weapons material" on a deposit slip.
Voters in Winfield, Missouri re-elected their mayor for a fourth term, about a month after his death. Voters said they were turned off by his opponent's negative campaign that accused the mayor of, among other things, being dead.
Despite warnings from the US and other world leaders, North Korea launched a missile which they claim put a satellite into orbit that is broadcasting "immortal revolutionary songs" praising Kim Jong Il. Which raises the question: who at Sirius XM thought it would be a good idea to start a Kim Jong Il channel?
A soccer referee in England handed out a yellow card recently when a player loudly passed gas, causing the opposing team to miss a penalty kick. The ref said he only gave the man a yellow card because there's no such thing as a brown one.
Vermont became the fourth state to legalize gay marriage when its legislature overrode the Governor's veto of the bill. So whenever you're ready, Ben & Jerry. (I had it before Stewart, just ask Nick French—but you did too, probably).
ETA 4/14 9:47 PM: Phil Spector was found guilty of murder in Los Angeles on Monday. Did you see his mugshot? Is it just me, or have I seen this one before?…
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Two quick notes: I'll be at The Gold Room in Portland, ME this Friday at 8:30, and at the Onion Town Grill (ETA:) Lowell Brewery Exchange this Saturday in Danvers Lowell at 8 with Jimmy Dunn and Tony V and other great folks! (TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE). Hope to see you there.
Another not so quick note: congratulations to Joe Wong, who taped what we heard was a phenomenal set at The Late Show with David Letterman yesterday!!! It'll be on this Friday night around 12:15 or so, on CBS. If you have not seen Joe, seriously, tune in. A hilarious, great guy who just made Boston comedy history.
So how was your Easter, Passover, or weekend, depending on your beliefs? Mine was pretty decent. Got to visit with my Uncle Johnny on Saturday, who was a merchant marine for many, many years. Interesting to get his take on the pirate situation. How unbelievable is that crap? When I was a kid, I was always told that things would be better, things would be easier, the world would be a happier place for our kids than it was for our parents. Who would have thought, in the year 2009, we'd be dealing with a stock market crash, an impending asteroid disaster—and pirates. Pirates!
But at least they finally got the guy out of there. Apparently, it all occurred when the U.S. realized they have the world's largest military at its disposal—and the other guys are pirates. And now they're bringing the surviving pirate to trial in New York. Well, that ought to be a good one. "Sir, please place your hook on the Bible and repeat after me…" What's the maximum sentence for pillaging nowadays, anyway? Do they have to pick trash up off the highway? "No, I don't need a wooden stake, I'll just use my right leg." And does he get a jury of his peers? "All in favor of an acquittal?" "Arrrrr!" "The arrrrrrs have it!" (With an assist from Tom E. Morello on the last one)
Anyway, at least that made it a Happy Easter in the end. I think Easter is one of the rare holidays that are actually better as an adult. The stupidity of the Easter Bunny has been discussed ad nauseam over the years, but for me, the worst part was having to go to the mall and sit on his lap. My parents would actually bring me and my sister to the mall to talk to him. What a stupid thing. What kid with the power of speech actually gets a good feeling from this activity? Santa? I can see that. He's a human being, and he has a beard, and yeah, maybe it's him. But we're talking about a guy in a bunny suit. His mouth is a big, black mesh disgrace that looks like a speaker. Talking to him is like ordering from a drive-thru. And what would you possibly say other than "bring me candy"? My last time up, I went for it all. I asked the Easter Bunny for a Sega Genesis, and I actually think he had a stroke. One of his ears went totally limp. It happened. Why would I lie?
The Tooth Fairy was actually more believable to me as a kid. An attractive woman in skimpy clothes, coming into my room to violate me—and I get paid? Why wouldn't I want to believe that? Unfortunately, turns out my Dad was the force behind that one. Which made for an interesting misunderstanding on my part: one night, I actually woke up, just as the door to my bedroom was being close. I looked under the pillow—boom! There's a dollar! The Tooth Fairy was still in the building. So I crept to my door, opened it up and heard 220 pounds walking back down the stairs. "Wow," I thought. "That Tooth Fairy's a lot of woman!"
I don't remember how old I was when I found out about the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy, but I remember the exact day I found out about old Santa. It was December 15, 1992. That's right, I held out until age nine. I remember it, because I was home sick with strep throat or something, and my favorite ballplayer at the time, Wade Boggs had that day left the Red Sox to sign with the Yankees. That's right—it was 10 days to go before Christmas, I had sent my letter, made my list, all that—only to find out it was all a sham. When I said this to my dad—who did the honors—he said, "Well, maybe we just wanted you to behave for a while." Touché, Dad. Touché. My dad was actually very nice about it all—or, at least tried to be. Being the good dad he is, he actually brought along an Encyclopedia Britannica (remember those?), and opened up to the page on Saint Nicholas, telling me how he had existed at one point, and brought everyone presents. So I wasn't just told there was no Santa Claus. I was told, "There was a Santa. But he died. Of strep throat. Which he caught from Wade Boggs. Feliz Navidad."
Anyway, I'll wrap this up this week with a little something that's been percolating in my mind for the past few weeks. Every time I take 95 from New Hampshire to Boston, I see a Snickers billboard up that says "Get Dunked on by Patrick Chewing." Of course, it's a reference to this commercial:
"Chew" is a funny word, though, because it rhymes with so many things. So I thought I'd take this time, in case anyone from Snickers is reading, to suggest a few new prototypes of my own.
Haven't showered in a few days? Fall in a dumpster? Wash your clothes in a furnace? Perhaps you…
Feel like being a tragic footnote in rock and roll history? Maybe you…
Feel like being a tragic footnote in rock and roll history? Maybe you…
It's almost travel season. Maybe you get a lousy travel agent, and wind up…
Ever feel misunderstood by your peers? Perhaps you…
Refuse to see Bird on a Wire? Maybe it's because…
Edited to add: Sugartits.
Or, the worst one:
There's a hunger inside me. See ya next week.
Scientists are saying that a possible solar storm in the year 2012 could do the unthinkable: get people to actually tune in to the Weather Channel.
Many royal watchers feel that First Lady Michelle Obama violated the rules of protocol when she touched the queen on her back instead of curtseying when they met for the first time. The furor only grew, however, when the First Lady said goodbye to the Queen with a fist-pound.
It was announced that Benicio Del Toro, Sean Penn and Jim Carrey will star in an upcoming Three Stooges film directed by the Farrelly Brothers. Of course, the Stooges were a group of shifty guys out to make a quick buck, only to fumble it all away in the end—or as Bernie Madoff would call them, "visionaries."
Honda this week unveiled a mind-reading device that is able to translate thought patterns and relay them as commands to a human-shaped robot—a breakthrough that could forever revolutionize the capabilities of love dolls.
Doctors at a Miami hospital say they have discovered a so-called "miracle fruit" that can turn sour tastes into sweet tastes. They say that if you eat the fruit, and then eat barbeque sauce, it will taste like honey. Or, you could just eat honey.
Due to a conflict over offshore tax savings between China and France, French President Nicolas Sarkozy had threatened to give up on the G20 Summit. And if there's one thing the French take seriously, it's giving up.
President Obama traveled Europe with an entourage of 500 people. This breaks the old record, held by Oprah.
First Lady Michelle Obama announced plans to build a vegetable garden on the lawn of the White House. This could also explain why Joe Biden was seen walking around dressed as a scarecrow.
A boat captain has produced an amazing video, which shows over 200 killer whales circling in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico. See, that's when you know the drug wars are getting bad, when even the killer whales are circling.
According to a study, when hamsters were given Viagra to deal with the stress of jet lag, they did 50 percent better with the Viagra. The bad news: they found it more difficult than ever to run on that little wheel.
To celebrate its 25th anniversary, Jeopardy is giving 25 viewers a trip to the Galapagos Islands with show host Alex Trebek, marking the first time that Trebek will travel with viewers. What is a painfully awkward two weeks? (Ding!)
A New York Fox News reporter was arrested this week after he was allegedly driving drunk and hit a NYPD horse. The man was actually relieved when told he'd struck a horse, as he at first thought he had hit Greta Van Susteren.
Fox is creating a new dating show called "More to Love," which will feature husky guys dating plus-size women. Either way, the show will likely do better than it would have under its original title, "Knockin' Cankles."
Dozens of out-of-work New Yorkers participated in the Unemployment Olympics. Because none of its participants have actual careers, the games bore a striking similarity to another event—the actual Olympics.
An Orange County woman is accused of stealing another woman's identity to get a pair of new breasts, and then going on the run. Police were able to catch the woman by setting up a booby trap.
The woman has been charged with one count of identity theft, and two counts of regular titty theft.
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First off, congratulations to the great and awesome Joe Wong, who will be making his television debut on The Late Show with David Letterman!!! Joe is one of the all-time great guys and hilarious comics, and it couldn't happen for a better guy. As far as I know, the date's still up in the air, but check out the Comedy Studio message board for further details.
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Now, moving on to another topic…I say this sucks.
Believe me, there is plenty to say here. And I almost did. But when the high road works, why stray from it? My biggest argument is, if you're a comic and you catch a break in primetime on the Leno show, your friends and family in Boston would right now be left in the dark. It sounds like it won't be necessary, but if you feel so inclined, join this group (which I didn't start, but wholeheartedly support).
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Hey, did you see this month's New Hampshire Magazine? I'm in it, along with Jimmy Dunn and Lauren Verge. Read it HERE. Also, I assure you I did not mean to imply Louis CK was unsophisticated. And since he reads New Hampshire Magazine front to back, I feel that's important to say.
Great to see so many old friends Friday night at the Ashworth. I showed up to do a guest set, and wound up hosting a cool fundraiser with Jimmy Dunn. I guess because it was so last minute, I didn't have time to get nervous performing in front of a bunch of my former teachers. I'd forgotten how supportive that crowd can be. Great to see Mr. Muscara, Mr. Croteau (the funniest teacher ever), Mr. Flemming, Mrs. Souney, Mrs. Thompson, Mrs. Waterhouse, the Osbornes, and others I'm sure I'm forgetting.
That's all he wrote. Take care.
There was a bit of an embarrassing moment on the International Space Station, when one of the Discovery astronauts got confused and accidentally inserted a pin upside down and jammed the platform. When he was asked about it, the astronaut said, "Well, that's what we get for buying this thing from Ikea."
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, one of the most deadly spiders in the world was found inside a Whole Foods Grocery Store. Because it was found at a Whole Foods, the spider was described as extremely poisonous and incredibly pretentious.
Simon and Garfunkel announced they are reuniting for a reunion tour in Asia and Australia. Proceeds from the tour will benefit the needy—Garfunkel.
President Bush has reached a $7 million deal to write a memoir on his eight years in office. Bush has reportedly already written 30,000 words—dozens of which can actually be found in a dictionary.
President Bush has reached a $7 million deal to write a memoir on his eight years in the White House. To reflect his approval rating, the pages of the book are actually numbered backwards.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that President Obama was at best "an ignoramous." As a result, Chavez has been named the permanent fill-in host for Rush Limbaugh.
While taking questions at a town hall meeting in Los Angeles, President Obama was greeted by one supporter, who said, "You inspire such a passion. How can we best partner with you?" To which President Obama said, "Mr. Mathews, I told you, we'll discuss this the next time I'm on Hardball."
A new poll shows that if an election were held today, President Obama would trounce Alaska Governor Sarah Palin by 20 points. However, it should be noted that 15% of those surveyed were moose.
Actress Julianne Moore has reportedly signed on to play Hillary Clinton in an upcoming film about President Clinton and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair. And today, Bill asked how much it would take to get Moore to play Hillary in real life.
Japan ousted the U.S. from the World Baseball Classic in a major upset. Experts are calling this the biggest embarrassment for the U.S. baseball team since—well, the last World Baseball Classic.
In Naples, Italy, thousands of people marched in the streets to protest the mafia. They will be missed.
The number one film at the box office last weekend was the Nicolas Cage movie "Knowing," in which Cage plays an astrophysics professor who figures out a way to predict monumental catastrophes. Coming in a disappointing third was the new Julia Roberts film "Duplicity"—which, ironically, was one of the catastrophes predicted by the guy in "Knowing."
One of UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown's leading green advisers is saying that Britain must cut its population in half if the country wants to be able to feed itself. As a result, Nadya Suleman has been officially banned from Britain.
One of UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown's leading green advisers is saying that Britain must cut its population in half if the country wants to be able to feed itself. He says it needs to get rid of half its people. This could explain Brown's surprising choice for health minister: Amy Winehouse. Damn it, I just can't quit her. I'm disqualifying this Jonologue right here.
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Big show in Hampton TOMORROW (WEDNESDAY) APRIL 1ST AT THE OLD SALT!!! PLENTY OF TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE! ! I'm there with John Turco and Steve Scarfo, 7:30PM. Call TODAY and reserve a spot! Great show at a great restaurant, I can't emphasize fully how much you should go. Seriously, if there's one comedy show you go to at the Old Salt in Hampton on a Wednesday this year, this is the one. See you there then, see you here next week.
According to a new study, 71 percent of women in college think their dates want them to get really drunk. The other 29 percent are apparently very naïve.
While speaking at New England Law Boston, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg hinted there may soon be an opening on the Supreme Court. And it doesn't end there; today, the Supreme Court posted an ad seeking resumes on Craigslist.
In Boston, a fistfight broke out in the audience at a debate between Ann Coulter and Bill Maher. Police were afraid this might happen, since it was a debate between one of the most controversial men in the country, and Bill Maher.
Iowa Senator Charles Grassley suggested that AIG executives should take the Japanese approach toward accepting responsibility for the company's collapse by resigning or killing themselves. I'm no expert, but is it really an either/or? I mean, if you kill yourself, isn't that pretty much resigning, too? "Today, Bob Walters killed himself. However, he'll continue to stay on as CEO." (Applause, applause, applause).
Citigroup Chairman Richard Parsons said that the bank doesn't need any more injections. Then today, he said the same thing about Nancy Pelosi.
According to the Wall Street Journal, scientists say that sideburns serve as a good alternative for Botox, because they take the focus off the wrinkles in your face. After reading the article, Nancy Pelosi told her hairdresser to give her "the Elvis."
Respected pastor David Wilkerson predicted an "earth-shattering calamity" centered in New York City that will spread to major urban areas across the country and the world. The good news: the calamity is now doing 150 years in prison.
In court, Bernie Madoff said that after years of lying and bilking people out of their life savings, he always feared this day would come—just apparently, not enough to stop lying and bilking people out of their life savings.
After Madoff said he was sorry, one former investor brushed off the apology, saying "I don't think he has a sincere bone in his body." At least, not yet…
A former University of Colorado professor is fighting to get his job back, claiming that he was fired after he compared the victims of 9/11 victim to Nazis, but the school is claiming he was fired because it found examples of plagiarism in several of his essays. When asked for a statement, the man said, "Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth…"
Curators at the National Museum of American History found a hidden message engraved inside Abraham Lincoln's pocket watch. The message: "No fat chicks."
Scientists have found the fossils of a prehistoric sea monster that weighed 45 metric tons, and had a 33,000 pounds per square inch bite force. These break the old records set by Rush Limbaugh.
A Johns Hopkins and Dartmouth-trained physician is saying that those who drink alcohol on a daily basis actually live longer. When asked how he arrived at the conclusion, the doctor said "Two words: Keith Richards."
The father of Bristol Palin's baby, Levi Johnston broke up with her, and broke off their engagement. Today, Governor Sarah Palin spent the afternoon making room on her wall for another mounted head.
Former Vice-President Dick Cheney said Americans are less safe now than they were when he was in office. Then he said, "Speaking of which, huntin' time!"
At an event at Union Station lauding recent train station and passenger rail investments, Joe Biden was caught on mic using the F-word. The good news: this is actually the least embarrassing thing Biden has said so far.
In New York, a riot broke out at an audition for America's Next Top Model, causing hundreds of models to rush out on the street and trample each other. Apparently, the commotion began when someone inside yelled out something alarming, like "FOOD!"
An American Idol staffer told friends the show's producers have already picked this season's final four contestants. Apparently, American Idol is now using the same business model as the NBA.
Nobel Prize-winner Professor Robert Mundell has backed the idea of instituting a world currency. This would eliminate a number of problems for Americans, such as converting our zero dollars into zero Euros.
The economy's hitting everyone. Today, Hootie got rid of the Blowfish, replaced them with the singing fish from the McDonald's ad!
Everyone's making cutbacks. Watchmen—now Sundial Men!
People are desperate. Today, I saw Chris Brown beating up a Coinstar machine!
It's hitting everyone. Today, I saw the Verizon Guy calling collect on a payphone!
People are real desperate. Today, I saw Chris Brown and the Coinstar machine reconciling!
That's enough! That's enough! Somebody pull the lever!!!
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Phew! Boy, that escalated quickly! I mean, that really got out of hand fast!
How do? I'm okay. First, let me mention some standup stuff (yep, I'm still one of those!). If you're in the NH area Friday night, come see me, along with the incredibly funny Patty Ross, Mike McDonald, and Dave Rattigan. Tickets are available HERE.
If you're down on the old Cape this Saturday, come see me and some other people I'm sure are great at The Cape Codder in (or is it "on?") Hyannis. Info for that available HERE.
But here's another…know how some of you are always asking "When are you gonna do a show in Hampton?" Here's the answer: Wednesday April 1, at the Old Salt. April Fools Day Show, get it? For more info, go HERE.
And congratulations to Curt Schilling on a great career, and, since I'm sure he's reading this, thanks once again for truly gutting it out in 2004. As I've said to anyone who'll listen, 2004-05 will always go down as one of the greatest, most enjoyable times of my life—and probably, was for many people in the region—and I truly believe the 0-3 comeback was one of the true catalysts. And I found it especially compelling that he actually announced the retirement on his blog. An interesting concept.
Also, I've added another "thought at 26" or two to last week's blog that I found in my pocket, so rather than actually think up enough thoughts for another thoughts thing, they're there now. That's all I've got to say, see ya next week.


text:
It must be hard to be nominated for a Golden Globe and go home empty-handed, but looking dazzling while losing is always a great consolation prize. Scandalist was absolutely in awe of the gorgeous gowns that floated down the red carpet last night at the Golden Globes. The ladies of Tinseltown did not disappoint – even if they left disappointed.
We've selected our Top 10 Best Dressed Losers from last night's awards show for your viewing pleasure below. Anne Hathaway may have crumbled (so we imagine) after losing Best Actress to double-winner Kate Winslet, but at least she still looked stunning in her Armani Privé gown while weeping in a bathroom stall.
View Photo Gallery
[Photos: Getty Images]


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