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20 Classic Horror Films
As some of you may know, I'm a bit of a movie geek. I grew up watching old monster movies on TV and spent several years working in video stores. With Halloween quickly approaching, I thought I'd put together a list of 20 essential classic horror films to get you in the mood, along with a brief synopsis for each one.
35-year-old Steve McQueen dates a teenager and tries to avoid strawberry jam.
A voluptuous sex-kitten shares a prison cell with a ravenous old goat. Nine months later, Oliver Reed is born.
Frankenstein's monster moves in with an old, blind hermit. Hilarity ensues.
Frankenstein's monster finally meets the Wolfman and is immediately shredded to pieces.
Frankenstein's monster finally meets beloved comedy team Abbott and Costello and is immediately set on fire.
Documentary about German ballet.
A young car enthusiast tries to marry a '58 Plymouth Fury. Hilarity ensues.
The son of Count Dracula grows a mustache and instantly gains 40 pounds.
Cautionary tale about trusting dogs.
Cautionary tale about trusting Robert Shaw.
Two hobos fight over sunglasses while John Carpenter tunes his guitar.
Catholic porn.
Four young republicans attempt to overthrow the Environmental Protection Agency but are thwarted by brave ghosts.
Stylish biopic of singer David Bowie and his battle with a rare blood disorder.
Obnoxious college kids force rural family to murder them.
A crazed, flying movie camera torments Bruce Campbell for at least three films.
Four lucky people achieve every American's dream of living in a late 1970s shopping mall.
Mia Farrow has horrifyingly ugly baby.
Decrepit, slow-moving corpse somehow easily catches able-bodied victims.
Noble Native American spirits fight back against the tyranny of urban sprawl.
Rob Ford, Matt Lauer Interview Transcript
Matt Lauer interviewed embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on the Today Show yesterday. In case you missed it, I've provided the transcript below:
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Matt Lauer: Mr. Ford, you've admitted doing crack cocaine . . .
Ford: Hold on, Matt. I've never said I've done crack cocaine.
Matt: But just last week . . .
Ford: Have I tried crack? Yes? Did I enjoy it? Tremendously. Would I do it again? In a Toronto minute. But do I "do" crack? Probably not.
Matt: But isn't this just a matter of semantics?
Ford: I think YOU'RE just a matter of semantics!
(Ford's Brother holds him back)
Ford: Look Matt, I've already admitted I have problems. I have a weight problem, but I've been working with a trainer to improve that. And yes, I've smoked crack on occasion, but only after drinking myself into a complete stupor.
Matt: And you think that's better?
Ford: I'm not perfect. Maybe you're perfect, Matt, but I'm not. And I have been completely up-front with the people of Toronto and taken full responsibility for my actions. Have I snorted coke off the backside of under-age hookers? Yes. Have I injected heroin into my eyelids to avoid track marks? Of course. But have I also lowered taxes and reduced the budget to an all-tome low? You bet I have.
Matt: (pause) Wait a minute, did you say heroin?
Ford's brother leans forward to speak.
Brother: If I may, what my brother is trying to say is we've all done things we're not proud of, but the important thing is taking responsibility . . .
Matt: Well, I've never injected heroin into my eyelids . . .
Ford: WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD, MR. PERFECT PRETTY FACE PANTS! Look, some of us have faults. Some of us are human. But I defy you to find another Mayor in all of North America who had done more for his city while smoking angel dust and running naked through the streets firing guns at parked cars.
Matt: . . . (blank stare)
Ford: And I take full responsibility for it, Matt. Have I done drugs while in a drunken stupor? Yes? Have I mainlined formaldehyde while having sex with corpses in the city morgue? Of course I have, but as it says in the Holy Bible, "Let those who haven't defiled the dead cast the first stone".
Matt: I think we can all feel pretty safe about throwing stones right now.
Ford: Did I secretly film city workers using the toilet? Yes. Did I break into Area 51 and swallow a jar full of alien embryos? I think we all have in our own way, Matt.
Matt: Okay, I think we're done here.
Suddenly, Ford starts to scream in agony and go into convulsions.
Brother: Rob! Stay with me buddy!
Matt: Is he okay . . .?
An alien bursts through Ford's chest and latches onto Matt Lauer's face. Matt flails around in vain, trying to rip it off. Chaos ensues. A light-hearted "PLEASE STAND BY" sign comes on the screen.
In Defense of the Star Wars Holiday Special
On November 17th 1978, CBS preempted episodes of The Incredible Hulk and Wonder Woman to show one of the most infamous programs in the history of television, The Star Wars Holiday Special.
I was six years old at the time and I, like most kids in America, was obsessed with Star Wars. I was too young to see it when it came out in theater, so I hadn't actually watched the movie, but that didn't stop me from begging for every Star Wars figure I could get my grubby little hands on. Hammerhead. Walrus Man. Snaggletooth. Who the hell were these wonderful weirdos and how could I get more of them? These strange characters were on my mind constantly, and in the days before DVDs and even (for the most part) VHS, there didn't seem to be any way for me to ever see what this whole Star Wars thing was really all about.
On that November night, my dreams came true. Sort of.
Described by the CBS press release as a "live-animated-musical-pot pourri of pure entertainment complete with astonishing electronic special effects", the show featured the cast of Star Wars including Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill and even Harrison Ford visiting Chewbacca's family on his home planet to celebrate the Wookie holiday of Life Day. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well . . .
Produced by Smith-Hemion Productions, known mostly for making TV variety shows like The Dorothy Hamill Special and Burt Bacharach in Shangri-La, The Star Wars Holiday Special was an odd mix of awkward jokes and Solid Gold Dancers. Whether it was naiveté or the fact that he hadn't yet clamped down the rights on all his creations yet, George Lucas and company had nothing to do with the special, and boy does it show. Between the surreal, extended Wookie-language-only opening and watching Maude sing in the cantina, the show is almost unwatchable. And yet, when I was six years old, I loved it.
Sure, the part with Chewbacca's grandpa ogling Diahann Carroll on his porno goggles was pretty unsettling and Jefferson Starship sucked and the Harvey Korman and Art Carney bits seemed to have been written by sadistic robots hell-bent on destroying the souls of viewers, but so was everything on TV back then.
Whether it was the aftermath of disco or just an overabundance of cocaine, television in the late seventies seemed to be an unrelenting stream of painfully corny musical variety shows, as if the networks were being controlled by the 90-year-old vaudeville mafia. Like other shows of this ilk (see The Brady Bunch Hour, Pink Lady and Jeff, Van Dyke and Company . . .), The Star Wars Holiday Special was an unmitigated galactic disaster, but during that seemingly endless void between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back, this steaming pile of Bantha dung was all we had.
The show did have a few redeeming qualities. It introduced several key elements to the George Lucas Universe, including Chewbacca's home planet Kashyyyk (or Kazook, as it was called in the special), designed by the legendary Ralph McQuarrie. It also featured the debut of one of the most popular characters in science fiction history, Boba Fett.
Boba Fett, the charismatic, masked bounty hunter, appeared in a short animated segment, which was far and away the best part of the program. Produced by a small Canadian animation company, Nelvana (who would go on to make Inspector Gadget and The Care Bears), the stylized, Moebius-inspired piece looked like a Saturday morning version of Heavy Metal. The ten-minute cartoon featured the first meeting of Boba Fett and Luke, Han and Chewie, and probably featured more screen time for Fett than Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi combined.
Of course, after we saw this awesome, trippy cartoon with Boba Fett riding a mutant Loch Ness Monster, we had to return to Chewbacca's house to see a clearly drugged-out Carrie Fisher close out the show by singing the Star Wars theme (who knew there were lyrics?).
We celebrate a day of peace,
a day of harmony,
a day of joy we all can share together joyously;
a day that takes us through the darkness,
a day that leads us into might,
a day that makes us want to celebrate the light;
a day that brings the promise that one day we'll be free…
to live,
to laugh,
to dream,
to grow,
to trust,
to love,
to be!
And then, like some half forgotten daydream, it was gone.
The special only aired once. Supposedly, Kenner had designed a whole line of toys to cash in on the show, but after the disastrous reaction, quickly scrapped them and never spoke of it again. In fact, to this day, The Holiday Special is pretty much wiped out of the Star Wars history books (yes, those really exist).
For years after, I thought maybe I had imagined the whole thing. Maybe it was just another urban myth, like the kid whose stomach exploded after swallowing Pop Rocks and Coke.
Then one day I saw it. A faded, VHS bootleg at a comic book convention with the hand-written words "STAR WARS CHRISTMAS" on the front. They may have gotten the title wrong, but I knew what this was: vindication of my childhood.
Supposedly, George Lucas has tried to buy up every existing copy of the Holiday Special over the years to have it destroyed, but apparently at least one person, perhaps a disgruntled TV station employee or a Carrie Fisher completist, got ahold of it and made copies. And copies. And copies.
The tape I got was probably a 10th generation dupe. Despite the scan lines and tracking problems, this was living proof that I had witnessed history. The Star Wars Holiday Special did exist, and it would not be denied.
It's also a warning to filmmakers and TV producers everywhere that once something is created, it belongs to the world. And if you make something you are deeply ashamed of, someone, somewhere, will find it and sell it to children.
So on this Thanksgiving-ish weekend, the 35th anniversary of this monumental achievement in television history, gather your loved ones and/or vintage Star Wars toys around the YouTube and celebrate freedom by celebrating Life Day with the Chewbacca family and some mid-level, coked-out celebrities and be thankful there are slightly less sadistic robot writers working in television today.
Drums, Drugs and Domes
Here's a little story I wrote for Flip Collective about the time my high school marching band performed at the halftime show of Monday Night Football.
The Early Works of Carl Warmenhoven
I recently visited the National Comedy Archives in Tarterville, Oklahoma and uncovered a complete transcript of veteran comedian (and longtime assistant manager at Seattle's Comedy Underground) Carl Warmenhoven's first stand-up performance. It is reprinted below in its entirety:
So I heard women want the right to vote. What's next, the Chinese?
What's the deal with autogyro food? I wouldn't feed that stuff to the Kaiser!
Have you heard the new waxed cylinder from Scott Joplin? Ragtime?! More like ON the rag, time! Am I right, ladies?
Just kidding. Ladies aren't allowed in Humor Clubs.
Woman's suffrage? These women are causing ME suffrage! In my KNICKERBOCKERS!!
I tell ya, this prohibition is for the birds! I was at a speakeasy with my tomato the other night and they charged me FIVE cents for a cup of hooch! Can you believe this? Extortion, I tells ya! And it tasted like something from Rutherford B. Hayes' beard!
So have you seen this new book Mein Kampf? I don't read German but the author looks like Charlie Chaplin! What a lulu! His face looks like it got run over by a horseless carrage! I'm no Great Gatsby, but compared to this Hitler fella, I get more dames than Fatty Arbuckle!
As you know, the president authorized military force to hunt down and kill a known terrorist this week. Yes, Pancho Villa is finally dead. The president , however, is refusing to release photos of the body because cameras haven't been invented yet.
On a serious note, Carl recently suffered a stroke and is struggling to pay his medical bills. If you get a chance, please check out the benefit shows going at the Comedy Underground in Seattle or donate online.
America, Mitt Romney needs your Zingers
From Reagan's "There he goes again," to William Jennings Bryan's famous "Suck it, Taft!" in 1908, presidential elections are often defined by zingers. Those famous statesmen didn't come up with these delicious comebacks, though. No, each one of these gems was written by a brilliant, hilarious writer who was never heard from again.
As a seasoned comedy writer for such classic TV shows as "Ghost Bonerz" and the PBS hit "Antique Sluts", I thought I'd offer my considerably expensive skills to the young upstart challenger Mitt Romney. The following are some sure-fire, whammo-blammo, oh shnizz-no-you-didn'ts to unleash on The President Wednesday night:
1) "Obama? More like O-BONER! Am I right?"
2) "Sure, I care about the 47 percent . . . IN MY PANTS!"
3) "Obama . . . what is that, French?"
4) "President Obama has more excuses than my grandfather had sister wives!"
5) "Hope and Change? More like Hope and something derogatory that rhymes with Change! AM I RIGHT, LADIES?"
6) "This economy has gone to the dogs. Which is why we should tie it on the roof and drive it across the country!"
7) "I promise a chicken in every pot and a posthumous baptism for every white person!"
8) "I'll fix this country like I fixed the outcome of the Olympics!"
9) "Isn't it time to let a rich white guy be president for once?"
10) "Listen America, do you want less man . . . or MOR-MAN?"
The Real McStain
As a writer and performer with the People's Republic of Komedy, I've played a lot of weirdos over the years. One of my favorites was a drunken and deeply perverted old thespian named Sylvester McStain, loosely based on my old drama teacher, Gary Taylor. For comedic effect, I greatly exaggerated his personality, adding a cape, mustache and what I thought were absurd tales of debauchery.
It turns out I may have underestimated the old professor.
Last Friday, Taylor, 71, was arrested for allegedly filming someone with a hidden camera in the dressing room. According to witnesses, he asked a 20-year-old student to try on some different dresses for a photo shoot. While changing, she discovered Taylor's video camera on a shelf, still rolling.
In this day and age, an old man trying to spy on a woman with a bulky old video camera might seem almost quant, if not a bit pathetic and sad. But now rumors are circulating that this may just be the tip of the iceberg. Former students are saying (anonymously on the internet, of course) that Taylor's had a long history of stalking his female students during his 40-plus years at Green River Community College.
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when the story broke. Taylor did seem a bit off back when I had him as a teacher twenty years ago. He'd often stumble into class wearing sunglasses, looking like Rip Torn after an all-night bender. He made a point of telling us he needed to drink plenty of fluids because of his "medication". There were rumors of him trying to hit on girls in the class, which we'd all laugh off because, even back then, he seemed ancient and harmless, like that strange but lovable old uncle who added a bit of color to the family picnic.
Despite his eccentricities, Taylor was a hell of a teacher. Classically trained with an Ivy-league education, he took acting very seriously, and anyone who felt otherwise would be shown the door. He had a fierce temper and a bellowing baritone voice that scared the shit out of any poor bastard who forgot his lines or dared whisper during his "Art of Film" class. But if you paid attention, he had a lot to offer young actors. After all, not many small-town community college drama teachers offered authentic method-acting training and made Stanislavski and Strasberg required reading.
So what was this guy doing slumming it at Green River?
Taylor was once a promising young actor, staring in dozens of plays around the northwest, becoming a regular at Shakespeare festivals and the old Bathhouse Theatre. While most aspiring actors moved to L.A. as quickly as they could, Taylor hung around in Washington, settling in on a small farm in south King County while supplementing his teaching salary with bit roles in locally filmed projects like "Northern Exposure", "Homeward Bound" and Sherman Alexie's "Smoke Signals".
At some point, though, Taylor seemed to drop off the radar. Unlike most performers, who have multiple "fan pages" on every conceivable social network whether they are famous or not, Taylor is almost invisible on the internet, with only a bare-bones IMDB listing and a short clip from a student film on YouTube.
Was the low profile intentional, or did Taylor just not give a damn? Maybe he's been perfectly content living the simple life in the easy-going, no-pressure Northwest, without the hassles of a high-end agent and the endless heartbreak of Hollywood. Was this incident with the video camera just a momentary lapse of judgment—a small, sad blot on the career of an otherwise inspirational, "Dead Poet's Society" teaching career?
If I was any sort of journalist, I'd call him up and ask him these questions myself. The thing is, I'm not sure I want to know the answers.
When my father died a few years ago, a lot of strange stories came to surface. Luckily, none of them involved video cameras and trips to the county pen, but it did make me realize I hardly knew the man.
During a vulnerable, confusing time of my life, Gary Taylor was a huge and mostly positive influence on me. When I ran out of money for school (I was paying for college on a minimum wage movie theater job) he generously gave me a phantom "drama assistant" job that paid my tuition and allowed me to keep acting. He offered theater training far beyond my rural upbringing, taking a pseudo Actor's Studio approach to realism on stage and pushing me to the limit and, admittedly, sometimes beyond. He encouraged me to smoke real, unfiltered cigarettes for a period piece ("Cigarettes didn't have filters in the 1930's!"), had actresses slap me full force in fight scenes (no pussy "stage fighting" here!) and once tried to get me to inject myself with a real syringe on stage (I wimped out. "Pacino would've done it," he growled). While it might sound stupid now, back then I was just glad to be treated like an adult, even an equal at times.
So what the hell happened?
Was this guy always a pervert and I was just too star-struck to notice? Or is this voyeurism charge some sort of late in life, old-age crisis—a feeble attempt at staying young?
Whatever it is, it's illegal.
While obviously not on the scale of a pedophile priest or the Green River Killer, this is not some harmless, victimless crime. A woman's privacy was violated by someone she trusted. That alone should be enough to end his career and probably earn some jail time.
Part of me wants to join the lynch mob and string this creep up the nearest sycamore tree. But there's another part that foolishly hopes this is all a bizarre misunderstanding, or maybe some sort of Alzheimer's related episode ("I thought I was filming an audition! Where am I?!"). I feel like those Michael Jackson fans who feverishly defended him against the child molestation charges despite piles of evidence against him.
Am I having a hard time coming to grips because I don't want to soil my precious college memories, or because I've made a living (if free beer and pizza can be considered a "living") playing a twisted, cartoon version of Taylor on stage for years? Or worse, maybe I fear that someday I might end up an old, perverted drama teacher who sets up "private auditions" with young actresses.
In the end, my angst and kvetching won't really matter. Regardless of the legal outcome, a year from now, most people will have forgotten all about it, and the name "Gary Taylor" will once again drift off the grid and away from the search engines. Maybe that's what he wants. Who knows? I'm sure as hell not going to ask him.
New Year's Resolutions, 1985
December 31, 1985
(Note from Author – I didn't know they were called "resolutions" at the time.)
1) Learn all the words to every Prince song and figure out what they mean. (Sex?)
2) Save up for purple leather pants like Brutus Beefcake. I think they would look totally awesome on me. Especially if I covered them up with like A HUNDRED bandanas!
3) If I can't save up enough for the leather pants, then maybe I'll get those zipper pants I saw at Mr. Rags. They had zippers all over!
4) Move to that town in Footloose. Dancing is stupid!
5) Form a heavy metal band. Possible band names: Kill Masters, Dragonslay, Beast Warriors, Lords of Awesomewood . . .
6) Join the school wrestling team. Can't wait to show off my mask and cape! I wonder if I need to bring my own fog machine?
7) Become a stand-up comedian. I've already written THREE JOKES! Check it out:
• A-team? More like the GAY TEAM!
• Where's the beef? More like Where's MY beef?
• Mikhail Gorbachev? More like "Hello, I have a map on my head!" WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!" Am I right?! Ladies? HELLO?!
8) Locate brick wall to tell jokes in front of.
9) Send jellybeans to President Ray-Gun! HA-HA-HA! He's old.
10) Engage in further research on the McDLT to determine what, exactly, keeps the "hot side hot and cool side cool".
11) Build a time machine like in "Back to the Future" so I can go back to 1980 and stop Culture Club.
12) Prepare for the coming communist invasion by learning karate, collecting weapons and forming a militia. Possible militia names: The Commie Crushers, Chuck Norris Karate Commandos, Lords of Awesomewood . . .
13) Learn Russian, in case the whole militia thing doesn't work out.
14) Invest all my money I inherited from my Aunt Margaret in this little company I read about called "Micro-soft". Ha! Just kidding. That's the stupidest name for a company ever. Plus computers are for NERDS! I'm putting all my money in the X-Treme Laser Tag League. ZAP! You just got LAZERED!
15) Kiss a girl. (Just kidding–that's gross!)
(Originally published in City Arts Magazine, Jan 2011)
My Casey Kasem problem
In the past year or so, I've become obsessed with the old "Casey Kasem's American Top 40" shows from the 70's that they play on KJR every Sunday morning. Sometimes it's wonderful. Most of the time it's awful, but it is always entertaining. Here's an article I wrote about it for Sound Magazine last May:
Taylor Swift. Nickelback. Avril Lavigne.
This will be the soundtrack to my children's formative years. As much as I try to shelter them from such awfulness, I know someday they will discover that there are other radio stations besides KEXP, and the hipster, little Johnny Cash onesie I gleefully overpaid for might someday be replaced with a (shudder) Jonas Brothers baseball jersey (probably done in some retro-cool 80's style that resembles my treasured "Van Halen World Tour '83" shirt).
Popular music wasn't this awful when I was a baby, was it? The 70's had Bowie, Lou Reed, Television, The Ramones, Devo. Music that stood the test of time, not just catchy, disposable tunes that get stuck in your head like gum on your boots. The music of my childhood had to be better than today's Top 40.
To find out, I tuned in to the local oldies channel (double-shudder) for their weekly encore presentation of "Casey Kasem's Top 40" from the 1970's (they're careful to add "nineteen", so no one thinks this music is from the future).
This week, the countdown is from March 6, 1971–ten months before I was born. This is the music that was on the radio when I was a baby, and probably shaped who I became as an adult. It must be better than Hannah Montana, right?
The first thirty songs in the countdown are a remarkable mix of genres, reflective of the culture shock hitting America at the time. You've got old-timers like Andy Williams and Henry Mancini butting heads with the likes of Ike and Tina Turner, Santana and Rufus Thomas. Just the type of post-Manson free-for-all you'd expect from the early 70's.
But now we've reached the highlight of the countdown–the top ten. These gems would surely prove the superiority of my baby music to that of my children. I mean, these had to be the cream of the crop.
#10 "SWEET MARY" – Wadsworth Mansion
Uh . . . who the hell is Wadworth Mansion? Is that a band, or a dude, or both? This is horrible. Luckily, it's only number ten.
#9 "MR. BOJANGLES" – The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Absolute garbage. This is the worst song ever. (Our music teacher made us sing this in grade school, along with other cheery tunes like "Horse with No Name" and "Knights in White Satin". Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure she was on Quaaludes.)
The only thing worse than this awful song is the cringe-inducing name of the band. If it were up to me, anyone caught using the words "Nitty" and/or "Gritty" would be shot on sight. But that's probably not going to happen.
Afterwards, Casey Kasem points out that this song is not about "famous negro dancer Bill Bojangles" as commonly believed. Thanks Casey.
#8 "AMOS MOSES" – Jerry Reed
I have to admit, I loved Jerry Reed in Scooby Doo and Smokey and the Bandit, but I can't understand a word this cracker is saying. It sounds like he's got a mouth full of mashed potatoes. Next time, stay on the gator farm, Jerry.
#7 "FOR ALL WE KNOW" – The Carpenters
Why does this woman sound like she wants to kill herself? Oh yeah, because she WAS trying to kill herself! (Sorry, but I'm still not over her being chosen "Drummer of the Year" in 1975 by Playboy Magazine. Had these people never heard of JOHN BONHAM? I hate you Karen Carpenter!)
#6 "SHE'S A LADY" – Tom Jones
Now we're talking. Say what you will about Tom Jones, but this guy brings it every time. He could be singing the Love Boat theme and he'd still bust a nut trying to hit the high notes. Whew! Thank god we're past all the crappy songs. I'm sure it's clear sailing from here . . .
#5 "IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND" – Gordon Lightfoot
GAAHHHHHH!!!!! What the hell?! This song just gave me cancer of the soul!
Remember when I said "Mr. Bojangles" was the worst song of all time? Well, I was wrong. The worst song of all time is EVERY SONG EVER WRITTEN BY GORDON LIGHTFOOT!
#4 "JUST MY IMAGINATION (RUNNING AWAY WITH ME)" – The Temptations
Normally, I love The Temptations, but this song is creepy. It feels like being molested by Smokey Robinson, and he's not even in the band!
#3 "ME AND BOBBY MCGEE" – Janis Joplin
I know this is a rock and roll classic, but I'll never understand how "Me and Bobby McGee" became Janis Joplin's biggest hit. It's certainly no "Ball and Chain". (My apologies to Kris Kristofferson–please don't kick my ass.)
#2 "MAMA'S PEARL" – The Jackson 5
Maybe there was a songwriters strike going on during this time, because here we have another great group doing another luke-warm song. I'm a big Jackson Five fan, and even I've never heard of this one. It's amazing it made it this far.
Well, we've got Temptations, Janis Joplin and The Jackson 5 in the top four spots. The top one must be someone really great.
#1 "ONE BAD APPLE" – The Osmonds
Why would a just and kind God permit this kind of atrocity to exist? Answer: because there is no God. If there was, he just shot himself. This song is like a brain aneurism wrapped in the Holocaust.
It's like the producers said "Gee, I really like the Jackson 5, but wouldn't it be great if they were white? And really homely?"
If there were any justice in this world, the Osmonds would all be cut into tiny pieces. And then all the pieces would be put into separate rockets and blasted into the far corners of the universe. And then every existing recording of them would also be cut into pieces and shot into space. And then anyone with any knowledge of the Osmonds whatsoever would have their minds erased. And then they would be blasted into space.
But that's probably not going to happen.
Instead, I am left with sickening fact that my childhood music was just as bad or worse than the popular music of today. Top 40 music has and will forever be horrible. It represents the lowest common denominator. The homogenized lump that is left after you boil the danger out of rock and roll. It is pablum.
And it is stuck in my head.
Timmy's Trip to the North Pole
It was Christmas Eve, and like most boys and girls around the world, little Timmy Tinkeltoes was dreaming of Santa. There was nothing in the world Timmy loved more than Christmas. Except, perhaps, for eating. But since he was too poor to buy food, and was forced to eat wallpaper to survive, he was pretty much stuck with Christmas.
Little Timmy filled his tiny mind with thoughts of the North Pole and Christmas toys and gingerbread men and roast turkey and gravy and OMIGOD HE WAS SO FUCKING HUNGRY!!!!!
Suddenly, he awoke to a strange sound outside. Did his creepy Uncle Frank return to show him his tattoos again? Timmy peeped out into the night and saw a jolly old man with a white beard all dressed in red, vomiting outside his bedroom window.
"Santa Claus?" Timmy asked.
"BLRRRAAAARRFFFF!" the old man replied.
Fueled by holiday excitement and starvation, Timmy grabbed his tattered robe, brushed off the rats, and ran outside.
"Santa! Santa! I want to know how toys are made! Please show me your workshop!" cried Timmy.
"You want some shit?" Santa replied. "Come with me."
The pair walked over across the street to Santa's van. "That's a funny sled!" laughed Timmy.
"Yeah," Santa mumbled. "Funny."
Timmy climbed aboard while Santa fumbled about with his "sack". Finally, Santa pulled out something that looked like candy. "Oh! I think I read about this in a book!" Timmy exclaimed. "Is that the Magic Marshmallow that will take me to the North Pole?"
"It'll make you see all sorts of weird shit." Santa laughed. Timmy greedily popped the "marshmallow" into his mouth.
"Oh shit!" Santa screamed. "Don't take the whole thing–that'll kill you, bro!"
But it was too late. Timmy tumbled through space and time. Candy canes and sugarplums floated by, taunting him as they passed.
"Hey starving boy!" they teased. "Bet you wish you could take a bite out of us, huh? Well you can't, because you're poor and stupid!"
Timmy thought this was the silliest thing he had ever seen! Well, except for the time he walked in on Mommy playing horsey with the landlord. That was hilarious!
Suddenly, Timmy found himself lying in a snow bank. He wiped his eyes and looked around.
"I did it!" Timmy shouted, "I'm at the North Pole!"
A big sign read "WELCOME TO SANTA'S WORKSHOP! ASS, GRASS or CASH–NOBODY RIDES FOR FREE".
"Silly Santa!" chucked Timmy as he ran toward the workshop.
When he went inside, he couldn't believe his eyes. There were presents as far as the eye could see. And the place was filled with tiny little people building wonderful new toys!
"Those must be Santa's Elves!" Timmy exclaimed.
"Elves?" a voice called. "Ho-ho-ho! Those aren't elves, Timmy. Those are the little boys and girls from my naughty list. They have been magically transformed into tireless work zombies for my toy factory, where they will live a cruel, hellish existence while I get rich off their labor–it's really a win-win situation for me. But don't worry Timmy, you'll get to help them!"
Without warning, a green glow started to radiate from Timmy's body. He looked down at his fingers and they began to shrink. He felt his ears start to grow and become pointed. To his horror, Timmy realized he was becoming an elf!
"I don't want to be at Santa's workshop anymore!" Timmy cried. "I don't care how toys are made! I just want to be home safe in my nice rat-infested bed with three square meals of dirt everyday!"
"Stop crying!" Santa yelled. "Your tears are washing away my evil magic! Also, you look really stupid when you cry. Seriously, just look at yourself some time. It's ridiculous."
But the tears were already working. Timmy could feel a warm sensation rushing through his body and soon found himself flying through the air.
Timmy awoke and looked around. He was home at last!
Timmy leapt to his feet and ran to his mirror. There were no pointed ears or funny hats–he wasn't an elf after-all!
There was something different about him, though. When he looked again, he realized he was now, in fact, a 38-year-old writer named Paul Merrill, author of such timeless classics as the Jonas Brothers video game and "Pups: the official guide to Nintendogs".
"Oh my god," the author sighed. "I am so fucking hungry."
Copyright ©2010 – Paul Merrill – www.paulmerrill.com
Last-Minute Halloween Ideas
Hey dummy, it's Halloween! Don't have a costume yet? No worries, because I've put together a list of dynamite costume ideas you can put together with little or no effort that will make you the envy of everyone at your group home Halloween party tonight.
1) Off-duty firefighter
2) NBA statistician
3) Pet store owner
4) IMDB database supervisor
5) Larry Talbot
6) Group home escapee
7) Out of work magician
8) Porn director
9) Undercover insurance inspector
10) Asshole
You're welcome, and Happy Halloween!
The Christmas Corpse
As I was dragging the corpse out of my house, its fat, decomposing midsection got stuck in the doorway.
Our Christmas tree was dead when I bought it. It was half brown sitting on that tree lot, but my son picked it out, and I respected his choice. That was a month ago. Now our proud holiday centerpiece was a large coniferous mummy, and it was time to go. I was trying to sneak it out while my kids were watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas for the 4000th time. They're children, and they actually enjoy Christmas, so the sight of me dumping the beloved tannenbaum would be too much for their sweet, tiny minds to bear. So instead, I was going to lie and say atheists stole it.
This tree was huge, at least by our humble Ballard standards. When I brought it into the house in December, it was neatly bundled in plastic. Now, about a month past its expiration date, the damn thing wouldn't fit through the door. Worse, the remaining pine needles were petrified into steel tipped darts, piercing their way through my Dickies Work Jacket into my flesh. With one last, desperate tug I managed to get the tree out onto my porch, sending a shower of deadly, pine-scented projectiles in all directions.
I heaved the dead tree over the railing into the bushes below. Overgrown foliage is a killer's best friend. Thinking the hard part was over, I headed back inside and, to my horror, saw a deep carpet of brownish-green pine needles all over the front room.
"Oh my god," I thought "They'll know. THEY'LL KNOW!"
I quickly regained my wits, grabbed a broom and tried my best to dispose of the gore. I felt like a post-shower scene Norman Bates. Pine needles were everywhere. The more I swept, the more I found. Every time I thought I was done, I'd spin around and see a new batch lodged somewhere. The couch. The curtains. The windowsill.
I finally managed to clean up the crime scene, and just in time, as I heard the pitter-patter of my children rushing from the bedroom. The nightmare was over and soon I would be snuggling with my family on the couch drinking hot chocolate. I went to take off my shoes (NO SHOES IN THE HOUSE!) when a wave of terror came over me—my shoes were completely covered in pine needles. I glanced in a nearby mirror and saw that I was covered from head to toes in Those Goddamned Needles. I looked like a fat green porcupine.
Overcome with panic, I stripped naked as fast as I could, tossed the incriminating clothes into the closet and slammed it shut.
My wife and two young sons stood there, slack-jawed, staring at the hairy, sweaty naked man in their living room.
"Where's the Christmas Tree?" my youngest son asked.
"The atheists stole it," I explained. "And my clothes. They were nudist atheists, and they hate Christmas. And clothes. Who wants hot chocolate?"
©2010 Paul Merrill / www.paulmerrill.com
Stop Freaking Out.
Dead fish in Chesapeake. Hail stones the size of bowling balls. Birds falling from the sky all over the world. Has the world gone bonkers biblical-style? Is the Rapture upon us, ready to whisk Kirk Cameron up to his special space camp? Are those 2012 kooks the only ones who are SANE?!
Stop. Calm down. Breath deeply. Weird weather and unexplained animal deaths have been wrecking havoc on mankind since day one, and most were a lot worse than some dead birds falling from the sky. Don't believe me? Well, feast your eyes on the ultimate list of SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE that really weren't.
Well, technically they're great balls of lightning, but you get the point. Throughout history, there have been numerous accounts of "ball lightning"– fiery spheres of electricity that seem to appear out of nowhere. Also known as a plasma vortex, these lightning balls have even been described as having minds of their own.
According to Science Frontier, one such occurrence with in 1977, when a coast guard officer caught glimpse of a "brilliant, yellow green, transparent ball with a fuzzy outline" the size of a bus that seemed to float down the hillside off the coast of Wales.
While occurrences in nature are still rare, in 2007, scientists in Berlin claimed to have created ball lightning in the lab. Achtung!
Sure, "fire rainbows" might sounds like an obscure Ronnie James Dio album, or something the Insane Clown Posse couldn't figure out, but they are actually an awe-inspiring natural occurrence.
Fire rainbows (or "circumhorizon arcs" as the eggheads like to call them) appear when light reflects off of ice crystals in high level cirrus clouds, creating a stunning optical phenomenon in the sky. They usually are spotted midday during the summer solstice. And yes, ICP, "there's enough miracles here to blow your brains".
Fire rainbows not terrifying enough for you? Well, how about FIRE TORNADOS?!
That's right, actual tornados made of fire occasional sprout up, usually after long dry spells and windstorms lead to intense brush fires.
Also known as fire devils or firenados, these whirlwinds of destruction can quickly devastate entire cities. In 1923, the great Kanto earthquake in Japan caused one such fire tornado that killed 38,000 people in fifteen minutes.
Not all freaky weather events involve death and destruction. In 1857, Lake County, CA was treated to a sweet storm of falling candy.
According to the History of Napa Valley and Lake Counties, the small frontier town was pelted with sugary crystals over the course of two nights. While no one could explain the bizarre weather, the locals made the best of the situation, with the local women supposedly making syrup from the fallen sugar flakes.
We've all heard the tired, old expression "It's raining cats and dogs". Well, some folks believe this might have actually happened.
Way back in 1999, in the "wild west" days of the internet, a popular e-mail was circulating which purportedly told of Life in the 1550's. In it, the writer said the phrase originated when cats and dogs would get swept off of rooftops during rainstorms.
The author of the email, of course, fails to explain how the pets got on the roof in the first place. But hey, that's the internet for you!
While many of these strange weather stories seem to be freak occurrences, one such oddity is said to happen on a more regular basis.
Lluvia de Peces or Rain of Fish is a phenomenon that's been appearing for more that a century on a yearly basis in Honduras. Residents of Yoro claim that after a large thunderstorm, hundreds of live fish appear on the ground. Every year, the city hosts a festival to celebrate the annual fish-fall, making a feast of the mysterious sealife.
While many scientists believe the event is caused by fish traveling through underground water spouts, some locals call it the "Father Subirana miracle". because of Father Jose Manuel Subirana, who once prayed for three days and three nights for God to provide food for the poor town. According to legend, the fish have fallen every year since.
Dogs, cats, fish. "But what about frogs?" you ask.
Claims of frogs falling from the sky have popped up everywhere from Minnesota to Greece. England appears to be the king of falling frogs, with reports dating back hundreds of years. The most recent frog storm was in 1995 in Sheffield, England, where local resident Nellie Straw claims to have been driving through a severe storm with her family when her car was suddenly pelted with hundreds of frogs.
No one seems to be sure how or why these incidents occur, although French physicist Andre-Marie Ampere thinks the frogs might have been swept up in strong winds.
Frogs aren't the only wildlife that have fallen upon the English countryside. According to the London Times, a mass of jellyfish-like creatures rained down on Bath, England in 1871.
London Times, April 24, 1871:
"That, upon the 22nd of April, 1871, a storm of glutinous drops neither jellyfish nor masses of frog spawn, but something of a [line missing here in original text. Ed.] railroad station, at Bath. Many soon developed into a wormlike chrysalis, about an inch in length."
Okay, maybe it wasn't jellyfish, but whatever it was sure was gross!
Falling globs of jello may be nasty, but it's got nothing on the great brain storm of 1851. On February 15th of that year, Simpson County, North Carolina was besieged by one of the most disgusting weather systems of all time.
According to witnesses, pieces of flesh, liver, brains and blood rained down over the area. And you thought it was bad when your picnic got rained out!
London is famous for its fog, but once upon a time it was fatal.
In the late 1800's, in the midst of the coal-powered industrial revolution, parts of London were engulfed in industrial pollution. In 1880, a thick poisonous fog swept through the city, killing nearly 2000 people. Despite this tragedy, little was done to curb the coal industry's killer mist. Thousands more died over the years, most recently in 1952, when a mix of fog and coal smoke killed another 4,000, which finally led to anti-polution laws.
And you thought the twin suns of Tatooine were cool. Triple suns, or "dog suns", have been spotted all over the globe. So why aren't we all burning up from the extra heat? (Or at least bestowed with some sort of Kryptonian-like powers?)
Well, it's because the extra suns are just a mirage, the result of sun rays being refracted by hexagonal plate-like ice crystals.
But don't tell the folks in China that. A recent triple sun there led one newspaper to believe they were being invaded by aliens.
Okay, I'll be the first to admit clouds aren't the scariest things in the world, but hear me out.
Imagine you were in prehistoric times (or at least pre-History Channel), and giant, swirling masses suddenly appeared in the sky that seemed to be reaching down like giant ghostly fingers. You'd be one freaked out cave-man.
But while your primitive mind might imagine some massive sky-giant was trying to kill you, what you were probably witnessing were Mammatus clouds. These towering cumulonimbus clouds have often been associated with server storms or tornados, but in reality are no more dangerous than your average rain cloud.
Falling frogs and fish may not be your cup of tea, but I'm sure most of us wouldn't mind a cloud full of money raining down.
Over the years, there have been several reports of just that. In 1940, coins were seen falling on the Meshchera region of Russia. A few years later, pennies and halfpennies supposedly rained on lucky schoolchildren in Hanham, England. And in 1976, 2,000 marks floated down from the skies over Limburg, West Germany.
Just a few years ago, Ajax, Ontario looked like something from a Homer Simpson fantasy.
The entire lakefront was covered in what looked like giant donuts. While they appeared to be some sort of ice sculptures or an elaborate prank, they were, in fact, naturally rolled snowballs caused by the wind. Apparently, the conditions must be just right for this to occur: the temperature must be around freezing with strong gusts of wind in an open area.
While this strange weather pattern is rare, an incident of falling men was documented by Martha Wash and the late Izora Rhodes of The Weather Girls in their 1982 hit "It's Raining Men".
Co-written by Paul Jabara (who also wrote "Last Dance" for Donna Summer) and The Late Show's Paul Shaffer, "It's Raining Men" has been heard in every male strip club for the past 20 years, making it one of the longest-lasting weather systems in history.


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Dave Trebilcock
Probably the most respected fisherman in Newquay, Dave Trebilcock on his boat Che Sara Sara has over 40 years experience as a fisherman under his belt.
He has worked with most of the angling clubs in Cornwall who hold him in high consideration for his deep knowledge of the sea and all there is to fishing.
Holder of Cornish and British angling records he is also a member of the Professional Boatmans Association and his knowledge of wrecks and reefs in the area is second to none.
Wayne Row
Born and bred in Newquay Wayne has a growing reputation as a top charter skipper.
He is a qualified and experienced skipper holding an RYA Commercially Endorsed Skippers ticket along with First Aid, Fire Fighting and Survival at sea qualifications as well as a member of the Professional Boatmans Association.
A keen angler from an early age owning his first boat at 16, Wayne has always owned and worked on boats as a commercial fisherman and since 1997, a charter skipper as well, but with the purchase of the Mystique is concentrating his knowledge and skill solely into charter angling.
From an experienced boat angler to a complete beginner Wayne will work his hardest to give you a good day onboard Mystique.

subset: commoncrawl


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Day 1 Nairobi (1L,1D)
The tour begins at 7:30am in the morning of Day 1 at your Nairobi hotel. Please be on time to meet your driver/guide at the front entrance of the hotel. A brief departure meeting will be held in the hotel reception area about general and specific aspects of the trip before setting off to Amboseli National Park. Venture south to the famed Amboseli National Park located at the foot of Africa's highest mountain, Mount Kilimanjaro. The snow-capped peak of the mountain dominates every aspect of the park, providing the ultimate photo backdrop. Amboseli covers only 392 sq km, though despite its small size and its fragile ecosystem the park supports a wide range of mammals (well over 50 of the larger species) and birds (over 400 species). After lunch at your safari camp, spend the afternoon criss-crossing the park in seach of lions, buffaloes, elephants, rhino, cheetah, and of course the photo of a lifetime. A part of the park is composed of a dried-up lake bed which in the shimmering heat produces mirages. Swamps and springs, fed by underground rivers from Kilimanjaro's melting snows, form permanent watering places for the wildlife through times of drought. The snows of Kilimanjaro form a majestic backdrop to one of Kenya's most spectacular displays of wildlife creating Kenya's most sought after photographer's paradise. The park's best game drives are around the swamps and there is a fine lookout on Observation Hill which offers views over the whole of the park and beyond. Years ago this was the locale around which such famous writers as Ernest Hemingway and Robert Ruark spun their stories of big-game hunting in the wilds of Africa. In addition, the park that has been made famous by Cynthia Moss, the noted American naturalist and author who has one of the longest-running studies on elephants. You might even see some of the elephants that Cynthia has immortalized in her many books and award-winning film Echo of the Elephants.
Day 2 Amboseli National Park (1B,1L,1D)
This is your full day to enjoy Africa at its best - countless wildlife encounters through open plains spotted with flat-topped acacia trees. Before returning to your safari lodge in the evening, stop at a traditional "manyatta" (Masai village) for an optional visit to learn about the local Masai culture. Part of Masailand, Amboseli National Park is thus the home of the Masai people, those tall, proud nomads whose legendary prowess in battle and single handed acts of bravery in fights with wild animals has spread across the globe. Perhaps more than any other community in Kenya, the Masai have learned to live in complete harmony with their environment, and coexist and thrive together with the wildlife that surrounds them. The park is surrounded by manyatta quickly built out of bent poles and sticks and plastered with cow dung and equally swiftly abandoned when the grazing is finished and the herds must move on.
Day 3 Nairobi (1B)
Rise early for a final morning game drive, enjoying the African sun as it rises over the savannah of the Amboseli plain. Return to Nairobi in the late afternoon, tour ends upon arrival.


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The BlogJam
Southwestern Connecticut traffic updates from the staff at Hearst Connecticut Media Group
Daily Archive for November 26th, 2012
DOT: Crash closes Merritt in Milford
The Merritt Parkway is closed on the northbound side between Exits 55B and 56 because of a two-vehicle accident. The crash occurred around 4:30 p.m. Monday. The Department of Transportation estimates it could take up to two hours to clear the accident. It was not immediately known if anyone was injured. [Read More]
DOT: 3-vehicle crash on Merritt North in Fairfield
A 3-vehicle crash on the Merritt Parkway northbound between exits 44 and 46 closed the right lane of the roadway for a little more than a half hour Monday. The crash happened around 2:35 p.m., and it is was cleared around 3:05 p.m. It was not immediately known if anyone was injured in the crash. [Read More]


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"Islam, Sharia, and Alternative Dispute Resolution" - A discussion with Mohamad M. Keshavjee
Tue, November 12, 2013 • 6:00 PM • Julius Glickman Conference Center (CLA 1.302B)
The meanings and contexts of Shari'a are the subject of both curiosity and misunderstanding by non-Muslims. Shari'a is sometimes crudely characterized by outsiders as a punitive legal system operating broadly outside, and separate from, national laws and customs.
This groundbreaking book shows that Shari'a and its 'fiqh' (laws set forward by various Islamic legal schools) comprise a far more nuanced matrix of interpretations than is often assumed to be the case. Far from being monolithic or impervious to change from without, Muslim legal tradition has - since its beginnings in the early Islamic period - placed an emphasis on equity and non-adversarial conflict-resolution. Mohamed Keshavjee examines both Sunni and Shi'a applications of Islamic law, demonstrating how political, cultural and other factors have influenced the practice of fiqh and Shari'a in the West.
Exploring in particular the modern development of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), the author shows that this process can revitalize some of the essential principles that underlie Muslim teachings and jurisprudence, delivering not only formal remedies but also perceived justice, even to non-Muslims.


text:
General CorrespondenceNYC Department of FinanceCorrespondence UnitOne Centre Street, 22nd FloorNew York, NY 10007
Property Tax Payments
NYC Department of FinanceP.O. Box 680Newark, NJ 07101-0680
NYC Department of Financec/o First Data1150 South Avenue, Suite 201Staten Island, NY 10314-3404Phone number for the tracking slip: (718) 355-6516
Parking Ticket PaymentsFollow the instructions on the back of the ticket. Respond early enough to allow for mail delivery. Finance must receive your response to the ticket by the 30th day from the date the ticket was issued.
Red Light/Bus Lane Camera ViolationsYou must write the Notice of Liability number, License Plate number and State of Registration on the front of your personal check or money order. Do not send cash.
Forms & ApplicationsAll Finance forms and applications should be submitted to the mailing address indicated on the form/application. If you have questions, call 311 or Contact Finance.
ParkingParking Violations Hearing By MailNYC Department of FinanceParking Hearing by MailCadman Plaza StationP.O. Box 29021Brooklyn, NY 11202-9021
PropertyProperty Tax Exemption ApplicationsNYC Department of FinanceP.O. Box 311Maplewood, NJ 07040-0311
Business Tax ReturnsSee current year form for mailing addressBusiness Tax Forms
Legal PapersIn order to serve legal papers on the Commissioner or the Department of Finance, mail to:NYC Department of Finance66 John Street, Room 104New York, NY 10038


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Hoster: JARING Communications Sdn Bhd
Welcome to MYNIC Whois Server. -------------------------------------------------- For alternative search, whois -h whois.domainregistry.my xxxxx#option Type the command as below for display help: whois -h whois.domainregistry.my help#h -------------------------------------------------- SEARCH BY DOMAIN NAME a [Domain Name] upindanipin.com.my b [Registration No.] D1A101638 c [Record Created] 04-SEP-2008 d [Record Expired] 04-SEP-2017 e [Record Last Modified] 17-JUL-2012 f [Invoicing Party] R035 Domain Department Exabytes Network Sdn Bhd 1-18-8, Suntech @ Penang Cybercity Lintang Mayang Pasir 3, Bayan Baru 11950 Bayan Lepas Pulau Pinang Malaysia firstname.lastname@example.com (Tel) 604-6308283 (Fax) 604-6308288 g [Registrant Code] LESC0.ORG Les Copaque Production Sdn Bhd (718084-T) No 1 Jalan Boling Padang G 13-G 40100 Shah Alam Selangor (Tel) 035-5118089 (Fax) - h [Administrative Contact Code] DCA068745 Mohd Safwan Les Copaque Production Sdn Bhd No 1 Jalan Boling Padang G 13-G 40100 Shah Alam Selangor Malaysia firstname.lastname@example.com (Tel) 035-5118089 (Fax) - i [Billing Contact Code] DCA068745 Mohd Safwan Les Copaque Production Sdn Bhd No 1 Jalan Boling Padang G 13-G 40100 Shah Alam Selangor Malaysia firstname.lastname@example.com (Tel) 035-5118089 (Fax) - j [Technical Contact Code] NAZRHAFI0.CON Nazrol Hafiz Serai Solutions 41-1-1A Jalan Medan PB2B Pusat Bandar Bangi, Seksyen 9 43650 Bandar Baru Bangi Selangor Malaysia email@example.com (Tel) 6013-3583553 (Fax) 603-89268989 k [Primary Name Server] SVA019163 ns1.lescopaque.com l [Secondary Name Server] SVA019164 ns2.lescopaque.com Disclaimer :- MYNIC, the Registry for .my has collected this information for the WHOIS database through a MYNIC-Accredited Reseller. This information is provided to you for informational purposes only and is designed to assist persons in determining contents of a domain name registration record in the MYNIC registry database. MYNIC makes this information available to you "as is" and does not guarantee its accuracy. By submitting a WHOIS query, you agree that you will use this data only for lawful purposes and that, under no circumstances will you use this data: (1) to allow, enable, or otherwise support the transmission of mass unsolicited, commercial advertising or solicitations via electronic mail, or otherwise; (2) for spamming or speculative purposes or commercial purpose; (3) to enable high volume, automated, electronic processes that apply to the registry (or its systems) or (4) for any other abusive purpose Compilation, repackaging, dissemination, or other use of the WHOIS database in its entirety, or of a substantial portion thereof, is not allowed without MYNIC's prior written permission. MYNIC reserves the right to modify or change these conditions at any time without prior or subsequent notification of any kind. By executing this query, in any manner whatsoever, you agree to abide by these terms. NOTE: FAILURE TO LOCATE A RECORD IN THE WHOIS DATABASE IS NOT INDICATIVE OF THE AVAILABILITY OF A DOMAIN NAME. All domain names are subject to MYNIC's Registration Rules and Agreement for the Registration of Domain Name. For details, please visit our website at www.domainregistry.my.


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"Now she has 4 things all together, the Harajuku Girls. I want to like
them, and I want to think they are great, but I am not sure if I can. I
mean, racial stereotypes are really cute sometimes, and I don't want to
bum everyone out by pointing out the minstrel show. I think it is
totally acceptable to enjoy the Harajuku girls, because there are not
that many other Asian people out there in the media really, so we have
to take whatever we can get. Amos 'n Andy had lots of fans, didn't
they? At least it is a measure of visibility, which is much better than
invisibility. I am so sick of not existing, that I would settle for
following any white person around with an umbrella just so I could say
I was there."
Someone should inform Ms. Cho that things like rules don't apply to rockstars and famous socialites. They are above the law and all rules of common morality. This s**t is b-a-n-a-n-a-s! [Margaret Cho's blog entry]
Link thanks to:


text:
|Electronic Drums All about Electronic Drums
|Thread Tools
Roland HD3 + Addictive Drums MIDI Interface
I am really new to this forum and this is my first post. Sorry if I am posting this under the wrong category.
I learned drumming for two years and then had to Stop it due to work and lack of time. Sold my acoustic kit(was a really sad moment for me).
But after a long time I asked my self what I would really love to do again with some spare time and Birthday coming around the corner, my answer was to get a Drum set and start learning again. I badly want to get back on the throne. Meanwhile I have tried to do Jam session when ever I got an opportunity and people always told I had potential but when it came to complex dynamic playing I was really far from even good.
Now Although living in a rented apartment, I have decided to get myself an E-drum. Lack of space and don't want the police knocking at my door due to loud noise. Since I am not living on the ground floor, I still fear the noise from the kick pedal of the E-drum, which is kinda inevitable.So for the beginning I have decided not to invest too much on a kit and find a quieter one. After visiting a music store nearby and checking a few E-drum kits from ALESIS(More quantity but not so good quality,even the DM10X samples sounded crap), Yamaha(Good build and sample kit quality), Roland(I liked them the best, but damn expensive).Anyways I have decided to get myself the Roland HD3 Edrum kit(It looks like a kids kit,but I guess it has some really good potential).I found them very quite while playing so going for it(ofcourse the kick pedal on them wont feel real, but thats the price i have to pay to keep away the neighbours and still enjoy some drumming).
I will stop boring you with my story and get to the gist of this post. Although I like the built in sample kits in the Roland HD3 drum brain, I would still like to buy Addictive Drums(AD) and use it for practicing. Those VST kits sound awesome. Only issue here is, the HD3 has only a MIDI OUT port and no USB. I have a core i7 laptop with 4GB RAM running WIN 7 SP1 and no Firewire. I am not sure how I can interface the HD3 with Addictive Drums(either Standalone or as VST in Reaper/Cubase). The software part, I hope can be taken care but its the hardware i am wondering.
1) Will just a usual MIDI to USB cable (eg. Roland UM one MKII or Maudio USB Uno) do the trick without perceivable latency?Unfortunately in this case I guess I have to listen to the triggered AD samples through my Laptop headphone Jack as there is no extra sound card.
2) Or do you guys think an external sound card like a TASCAM US-122 MKII or Focusrite saffire/scarlett would be much better in latency?Definitely here I could listen to the triggerd AD samples either through the Line(L/R) out or the Headphone jack.
I really dont want to buy some really expensive interface as I only have a MIDI OUT option on my HD3.I hope some of you have experience with the HD3 kit or triggering the AD over some MIDI USB interface or suggest what would be the best way to approach this situation. I would be really glad to hear any suggestion regarding this issue or even the way I have posted this from all of you. This whole setup would be probably my Birthday gift if these small problems get cleared :D.
Thanks for taking your precious time for my post.
Re: Roland HD3 + Addictive Drums MIDI Interface
I think that a MIDI to USB cable going from the MIDI out of your drum module to the USB port of your computer, and an install of Addictive Drums or similar may be all you need. There should be no latency because you are not using audio out.
Yamaha DTX drums, DTX700 module, DXR12 sound.
Re: Roland HD3 + Addictive Drums MIDI Interface
Get an E-Mu Xmidi 1X1 V3 on amazon for about $25. I have one it works really well. You just plug your MIDI OUTPUT from the HD-3 to the Cable that is marked MIDI IN on the EMU-Xmidi and plug the USB cable of the EMU-Xmidi into your laptop.
windows will find a driver, but its better to get the latest driver from Creative's EMU section of their website.
I run midi from my Roland TD-4 into my desktop music computer and trigger 2 instances of Addictive Drums in Cubase 5. I wrote a thread about my set up, 'Studio Set Up With A Roland TD-4k2' that is about 1/2 way down the page that has a lot of information.
You can run Addictive Drums standalone now too, but I use cubase because I have a lot of other stuff I can do, but for practice the standalone is great.
You could also get an outboard soundcard, I have a Focusrite 8i16 and and EMU 0404 USB outboard the EMU is cheaper and better functionality and a midi in port, 2 really good Mic Pre's, and a good sounding headphone amp. It will sound way better than the stock soundcard in the laptop.
And latency can be a problem with midi, when the data is transmitted poorly designed hardware can cause delays, so get quality stuff but it shouldn't be a problem with the interfaces I mentioned.
Have fun, and believe me when they say addictive, they mean it.
Re: Roland HD3 + Addictive Drums MIDI Interface
or did u mean the Audio out from the HD3 brain?Then I can only listen to the inbuilt Brain samples and not Addictive drums.
Haaa haa yes I know using AD can get real addictive and I just hope my neighbours would support this addiction of mine :P
|Thread Tools


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For the latest installment of his tips-'n-tricks-in-the-shop series, master maker Jimmy DiResta kicks it off with a bang: He directly addresses the people who design cordless drills, tells them what not to do, then shows you the simple hack he and shopmate David Welder came up with that greatly increases
If a parent plant wants its children to travel, it can grow delicious fruit that will be eaten by an animal. Said animal will roam around and poop out the seeds, creating offspring some distance away from the mother plant. But some plants don't have the patience to grow
Everything we've cut on the Shopbot thus far has been on one side. But it's helpful to learn two-sided machining, whereby you can flip a piece over and register it with utmost accuracy; that way you can carve both sides of something and get them to line up in the
Icicles I get: Water drips downward and freezes. But I've often wondered how the HELL water drips upwards and freezes, forming those weird spikes I occasionally find on ice cubes in the ice tray. Man of science that I am, I always assumed that either a) My freezer contains
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Crohns.Net Shipping Information
General Information
Crohns.Net processes orders 5 days a week Monday - Friday. Orders placed after 2 PM (PST) may not process until the next business day. Orders received over the weekend do not process for shipment until the following Monday morning. UPS does not deliver packages on Saturday and Sunday. USPS may delivery your package on a Saturday. Both do not deliver on national holidays.
Orders to Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Guam and the US Virgin Islands are shipped based on USPS real-time costs depending on the weight of the package, delivery method and final destination.
We offer FREE STANDARD SHIPPING on most products on orders totaling over $69 within the 48 Contiguous United States. This offer does NOT apply to Combination Packs, Aloe Complete, Aloe Life Green Food, Metagenics UltraInflamX PLUS, OmegaZyme Ultra, Perfect Food 600 gram powder, Prime One, Raw Fiber 803 gram powder, Raw Protein 622 gram powder, Super seed 600 gram powder, Wobenzyme 800 tabs and VSL#3. These items are including but not limited to: over-sized, heavy, frozen, highly discounted, products in glass containers, and case lots.
Please note: In the event of returning a free shipping item there is a mandatory deduction of $5.95 from your total refund.
All sales on books are final and cannot be returned.
Heat Sensitive Products
We use standard shipping methods unless otherwise requested. Your heat sensitive products may require expedited shipping in order to maintain the integrity of the product. We cannot be held responsible for items that are delivered to areas that are extremely hot. If you know that this is the case in your area, please select the appropriate shipping method to ensure a viable supplement.
Note: All Refrigerated products are shipped in a thermal padded envelope, with frozen ice packs. It is normal for the ice pack to melt during shipment. VSL#3 is freeze dried in the way it is manufactured. It can safely be out the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks without the potency being affected for TWO YEARS. Stability data suggests that the highest possible potency is maintained when the product is refrigerated.
Upgraded Shipping using styrofoam cooler is available for $12.99
We are unable to accept returns of refrigerated products.
VSL#3 probiotic is stable at room temperature for 2 weeks to ensure a 2 year life guarantee.
Please note: VSL#3 orders generally ship out on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
VSL#3 orders are shipped via USPS or FedEx 2Day when requested (ie: 2 business days) and is delivered by 4:30 PM to most areas and by 7 PM in residential areas. Some deliveries may even be received on the next business day.
FedEx Ground, which includes Home Delivery takes between 5-8 business days.
FedEx 2nd day shipping takes 2 business days and is calculated according to size of box, weight and zip code.
FedEx Standard Overnight or Priority Overnight delivery may be requested for orders, however shipping charges will apply according to size of box, weight and zip code. This does not include an option to select a Saturday delivery.
There is NO FedEx delivery on a Saturday.
Please note: FedEx Expedited is NOT 2nd day. FedEx Expedited takes 1-3 business days.
FedEx does not deliver to Post Office Box addresses in the U.S.
USPS Priority: is our standard shipping and takes 4-5 business days. This is our most common & reliable shipping method. This is an ESTIMATED transit time and is not guaranteed. Tracking information is sent on all orders.
Please note that we reserve the right to use any carrier to insure the best and fastest service possible. Our Shopping Cart displays all your shipping options and any applicable fees. With standard shipping we determine the most efficient shipping carrier for your order.
Rush Order Service:You may choose to have your shipping package "rushed out". There will be an additional $3.99 fee to ensure that your package is processed the same day when placed before 2 pm PST Monday - Friday.
Save valuable time with our Auto-Ship Program.
Never miss a vitamin because you forgot to order. The most convenient & easy way to get your favorite products delivered to your doorstep, automatically. AutoShip guarantees your important supplements will arrive when you need them!
You may have your orders shipped to you automatically each month, every 2 months or even every 3 months with our friendly autoship program.
Convenient, on going delivery allows you to easily stay with your supplement program effortlessly with no hassle.
No need to hassle with re-ordering your favorite products month after month.
Your credit card or debit card information is stored SAFELY OFFSITE and you have nothing to do each time.
How much does it cost?
Nothing whatsoever! - you may select any single product or combination of products - its your choice.
How do I change the selection of products?
To change your Autoship order to contain other items, new items or totally different items, simply call us toll free at 877 240-7528 PST 10-4 M-F, five days before your next cycle and we will change it for you.
How to I cancel my AutoShip?
You may cancel at any time, no problem! Simply call us at 877 240-7528 PST 10-4 M-F five days before you are due to receive your order or email email@example.com
How reliable are the shipping options within the USA and what are the options?
It is our experience that price DOES correspond to service in regards to shipping. The most expensive option is the safest, most expedient option. Because of the inherent risk involved in shipping, and to help you make the best, informed shipping selection, we have outlined what you can expect from our most common shipping options as follows:
Standard USPS Shipping:
Standard Shipping is available to all 48 contiguous United States, commonly referred to as the 48 continental states, to Hawaii and Alaska, and to APO-FPO addresses. This is our most cost effective shipping method. We automatically use the US Postal Service for most orders weighing less than 2 lbs., unless you specify differently in the shopping cart. (*On orders weighing over 2 lbs. we are likely to ship these via UPS Ground rather than US Mail).
Within the 48 contiguous United States, you can expect delivery from 3 to 8 business days after placing your order. This depends on your geographic location and carrier's workload. This is an ESTIMATED transit time and is not guaranteed.
This method may NOT have specific, day-by-day tracking capabilities, but does have delivery confirmation. Please note that no tracking or delivery confirmation is available to APO-FPO addresses and may not be available to U.S. Territories either.
We can not guarantee your order will not be exposed during transit. The Postal Service irradiates some mail.
If this package is lost or destroyed, your expenditure is likely lost. There often is NO refund or claim available for this method.
Please note that we reserve the right to use these carriers or others not mentioned to insure the best and fastest service possible. Our Shopping Cart displays all your shipping options and any applicable fees.
UPS Ground:
UPS Ground Shipping is available in all 48 contiguous United States. UPS is an easily trackable and reliable shipping method. This method ensures full day-to-day tracking capabilities AND more reliable delivery times than our standard shipping option.
You can expect delivery from 3 to 9 business days after placing your order, again, depending your geographic location and the carrier's workload. This is an estimated transit time and is not guaranteed, however it is a more dependable estimate than Standard UPSP Shipping in our experience.
UPS does NOT irradiate their parcels.
If this package is lost or destroyed, your expenditure may NOT be lost. A claim is available for this method, and often results in partial or even complete recovery of the expenditure.
Please note that we reserve the right to use these carriers to insure the best and fastest service possible. Our Shopping Cart automatically displays your shipping options and any applicable fees.
Expedited UPS services - UPS 2nd Day Air and UPS Next Day Air:
UPS 2nd Day Air and UPS Next Day Air services are available to most locations within the 48 contiguous United States, Hawaii and Alaska. These are by far our most easily trackable, most reliable, and most expedient shipping methods.
Expedited deliveries such as this are possible only on business days (Monday - Friday). Next Day and 2nd Day Air orders placed by 2.00 pm PST are processed and usually shipped out on the same day (Monday-Friday). Next Day and 2nd Day Air orders will receive special consideration after the 12:00 PM cut-off and may well go out that same day (although this is not guaranteed after the noon deadline). Please note we and/or our carriers do not consider weekend days as delivery or transit days for expedited shipments. Thus, a 2nd Day Air order placed by 2:00PM PST on a Thursday would be delivered the following Monday. Saturdays and Sunday are NOT to be calculated in the above delivery time frame, nor should you expect weekend delivery.
UPS does NOT irradiate their parcels.
If this parcel is delayed, lost or destroyed, your expenditure is not lost. A claim is available for these methods, and often results in partial to complete recovery of the expenditure.
Please note that we reserve the right to use these carriers (or others not mentioned) to insure the best and fastest service possible. Our Shopping Cart displays your shipping options and any applicable fees.
Saturday Delivery and No Signature Required:
Please note our carriers do not consider weekend days as delivery or transit days for ground and expedited shipments (e.g. UPS Ground, UPS 2nd Day Air and UPS Next Day Air). However, the US Postal Service may include Saturday as a delivery or transit day at their discretion.
While special Saturday-delivery expedited shipping services (such as UPS Next Day Saturday Delivery and UPS 2nd Day Air Saturday Delivery) may be available to some locations within the 48 contiguous United States, Hawaii and Alaska, we do not use these services and you will not find them in our shopping cart.
In our experience, these services are very expensive, complicated, and often end up leaving our customers discouraged and dissatisfied.
Please note that shipping carriers may reserve the right to deliver packages, especially unexpedited packages, without a signature, according to their policies and at their discretion.
International Shipping GuidelinesWe ship to almost every country and geographic location in the world.
ATTENTION CANADIAN SHOPPERS: Please read Canadian Duty Requirements provided by the Canada Border Service Agency.
What are our shipping options for International shipments?International shipments require the package be shipped to the billing address. This is a requirement of the credit card companies as they do not consider it a valid transaction if a mail order is shipped to other than the billing address.
Not all shipping options are available to every country. You will find that our Shopping Cart often automatically displays the shipping options and associated shipping costs to each respective country. Our most common shipping options are as follows:
USPS Guaranteed Worldwide Express:
This is the fastest, most reliable method. USPS is an international, private shipping company. If this parcel is delayed, lost or destroyed, your expenditure may not be lost. A claim is available for this method, and often results in partial to complete recovery of the expenditure. Please see our shopping cart for the estimated shipping transit time to your geographical location.
Express Mail International:
This is Quick, Easy and Convenient. The service is both insured and has a tracking number and is handled throughout by the US Postal Service & Your National Mail Service. If this parcel is delayed, lost or destroyed, your expenditure may NOT be lost. A claim is available for this method, and often results in partial to complete recovery of the expenditure (a full inquiry and claim process may take 5 to 8 weeks). Please see our shopping cart for the estimated shipping transit time to your geographical location.
Express Mail International is available to over 190 countries, 3 to 5 average business day delivery to major destinations. Tracking is available as well as free $100 insurance - additional insurance is available for a fee. It is available to Australia, China, Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Hong Kong, Japan, the Republic of Korea (South Korea), and Spain (does not include the Canary Islands).
Priority Mail International:
This is a cost-effective way to send documents and merchandise to over 190 countries. It takes a longer time - 6 to 10 average business days for delivery to major destinations. Tracking is available to major destinations. Limited indemnity coverage is provided at no extra charge.
How much will it cost to ship my order to my country?
All international shipments may be charged based on the weight and destination of their order. Our free shipping does not apply to international orders.
You may select $59 FLAT RATE shipping for orders weighing under 3 lbs.
Customers outside the United States may be subject to additional fees and charges. We ask that you please be aware of local custom and importation laws. Any additional charges for customs clearance must be paid by you. Customs policies vary widely from country to country; you should contact your local customs office or tax authority for information specific to your situation.
Additionally, when ordering from Crohns.Net, you are considered the importer of record and must comply with all laws and regulations of the country in which you are receiving the goods. Before you place your order, please be sure of your local customs laws concerning the shipment of dietary supplements. We cannot be held responsible or accountable for any taxes, duties, tariffs or any quarantine fees or package warehousing fees assessed by your local customs office.
Please Help Us to Help You:
Additional charges will be applied if the delivery address you provide us is incorrect or if the package needs to be forwarded to a different location due to an error in communicating the information to us.
Remember to include apartment, suite and unit numbers as well as your daytime telephone number including country code.
We cannot be responsible for problems with your order due to inaccuracies in the information you provide. Please be precise when you complete your information in the Shopping Cart!
If your shipment is returned or lost by Customs and/or the carrier, a refund will not be applicable to shipping and handling charges, and may not be applicable to the products ordered either.
Failure of you to receive, miss the delivery of, or refusal to accept your shipment does not relieve you from the shipping/handling incurred by your order and may not relieve you from the cost of the products shipped.
If an item is returned to us due to a customs related issue, you will be billed a 15% restocking fee. In addition, your credit card will be charged the extra shipping costs incurred by us to retrieve your package. You will only be credited for merchandise when the package is returned to us in the same condition it was sent.
The Importance of your Email address:
Because we are an internet company, we primarily communicate with you by email. Please provide an ACCURATE email address with your order. Not only do we encourage you to provide an accurate email address but also to investigate your internet browser and security programs to ensure that you will receive emails from us regarding your order and shipments.
High-Risk Orders:
We diligently scanning orders for signs of fraud. International orders which are suspicious will be held for investigation. We notify the appropriate authorities in cases of fraud or suspicion. We reserve the right to cancel any order at any time.
Back Orders:
In the rare event that a popular item is out-of-stock, or shipping must be delayed, we will place your order on 'temporary back-order status' and email you. Once we have received the back-ordered item(s), we will email you with notification that your order has shipped.
Please note that shipping costs are not refunded if your order is delayed or if items are back-ordered.
Returning Unused Products:
Should you choose to return a new, unopened, re-saleable product(s), you are entitled to a full refund, less shipping fees and subject to a 15% restocking fee when they are returned with 30 DAYS of purchase. In the event of returning a 'free shipping' item there is a mandatory deduction of $5.95 from your total refund.
This does NOT apply to Heat Sensitive products. These products are simply NOT returnable.
To return a product for a refund - assuming it is in new, unopened, re-saleable condition, send it to:
Good Gut Solution
Returns: Avid Logistics 12919 South Figueroa Street, Los Angeles, CA 90061
Please include your name, address, original invoice number and receipt, email address, and daytime phone as well as your reason for returning. Please call in advance to approve the return.
Returning Used Products:
We cannot and do not accept returns on items that have been opened, used or have their safety seals broken.
You own it when you open it.
Important Returns Information:
Shipping fees are NOT refundable and will be deducted from the total amount of refund.
All returns will be subject to a 15% re-stocking fee this will be deducted from the total amount of refund.
Refunds will be sent to you in the form of a company check or credit card refund at our discretion.
We strongly recommend that you ship the return to us by a safe, trackable shipping method such as UPS we must receive your return in order to issue a refund.
Please contact our customer service in advance to approve the return.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Which address from my account will you ship to?
We ship to the shipping address specified for each individual order.
Addresses stored in your account are for your convenience for reordering only.
If you find a mistake in your order shipping address, please notify us immediately with a correction. Most packages cannot be redirected once in transit.
What do I do if my order has been shipped to an old or incorrect address?
If your package was sent via USPS and you have filed a "Change of Address" form within the past year, you don't need to do anything. The package will be automatically redirected to your new address.
For UPS shipments, please contact us and we might be able to change the destination address on the package while in transit.
Please note that we make every effort to confirm shipping addresses before we package orders. We cannot be responsible for any extra charges involved in changing a destination address or attempting multiple deliveries. Otherwise, we would not be able to keep our prices so low.
What can I do if my order has not arrived yet, but I was notified that it was shipped?
First, please let us know about the delay. Email firstname.lastname@example.com immediately. If we haven't already, we will supply a ship date and tracking number when available.
In most cases, we can find out where a package is directly from the carrier. Keep in mind that USPS does not guarantee delivery dates for its services and actual transit times may vary, especially in remote locations or near holidays. Please be patient.
If a package is actually 'lost', we will promptly ship replacement items or provide a refund. We reserve the right to require a signature upon delivery in this case.
Keep in mind that the USPS does not consider a parcel lost until at least 30 days have passed. If you are concerned about this, please select an upgraded shipping method during checkout. In our experience, lost packages are rather rare.
When did my order go out? When can I expect it?
Immediately after placing your order online, you will receive an email confirmation. And then again when the order has been shipped out, you will get an additional email with the tracking number.


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Security has never been simpler or more comprehensive, with advanced solutions that cover all your bases.
Computer Data Security and Network Security for Companies in Warsaw, Goshen and Kosciusko County
Do You Stress Over The Thought Of Computer Hackers, Viruses and Malware Getting Into Your Network? "If an employee lost a flash drive filled with secure business data, what could happen to my business?" Do you have concerns about your data security?
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- Stress-free days, knowing your company is protected from all that's out there.
Network Computer Solutions works as an extension of your business to design a security solution that will meet the challenges of your company. Serving companies in Warsaw, Goshen, Kosciusko County, Columbia City, Fort Wayne and Winona Lake, we provide Wireless Network Security services that you can depend on.
If your business requires risk management solutions like antivirus and Internet protection, intrusion blocking, wireless network security, data protection, computer data security, virus removal, computer & PC security, network antivirus solution, or wireless protection we'll handle it.
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By Chris Shoals, UK Media Relations
OutlookHas the ability to play first base ... Owns the most raw power on the club, working to refine hitting approach ... Hit .122 during the fall, with two homers and a double ... Will redshirt the 2012 season.
High SchoolPlayed for coach Andy Scott at St. George's Independent School in Memphis, Tenn. ... Named all-state by the Tennessee Sports Writers Association as a senior ... A two-time all-region and all-district performer ... Hit .412 as a senior in 2011 with 14 homers and 62 RBI, posting an 8-1 record on the mound ... Set the school record for single-season homers and RBI and career homers (22) ... Also lettered in football as a freshman and junior ... A member of the national Spanish honor society and the dean's list. PersonalFull name is Cole Alexander Evans ... Son of Joe and Karrie ... Born on Aug. 18, 1993 in Birmingham, Ala. ... Has a sister, Taylor (20) ... Father played football at Rhodes College.


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Watch Paul Eggleton and his team of insect researchers as they monitor the impact of climate change on soil macrofauna in the UK's New Forest.
Paul Eggleton and his team have been sampling soil in the New Forest for the last few years to study the consequences of hotter, drier summers on soil and leaf litter invertebrates.
Soil and leaf litter invertebrates in British woodlands are very important for breaking down litter and incorporating it into the soil and for soil structure.
This 10-year project aims to find out what happens to the biodiversity and abundance of invertebrates over time and to see if a changing climate is having an impact on these factors.


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Step 1: Idea.
Here are some examples:
Subtracting health (Pokemon or Bakugan)
Three strikes your out (Redakai)
Majority (Instructables card game)
Be sure to chose a theme too. I chose a medieval card game with castles and dragons. Then after i chose the theme i chose a title Castle Quest was mine but you can come up with your own. Make sure the title portrays the game too.
Step 2: Design.
If you are making a card game by hand you might want to use card-stock paper so that the cards aren't see-through. To make cards the same size as mine you need to fold the paper hamburger style and then unfold. After that fold the paper hot dog style. Then turn the paper to landscape and fold the left and right side to the center. you should have 8 little boxes. Then you can color the cards however you want really.
You can also use things like ccg maker and bighugelabs. But i wanted my cards to have their own style.
Step 4: Mechanics.
Made my card game https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/579029993/wor... wish me luck ^w^
If you see my TCG instructable, I state that I am drawing pics. How to make online for free WITHOUT uploading things? like literally just draw online...
What about: here's an instructable for everything in life.
1: decide what you wanna do (I don't care what)
2: do it!
Did someone get paid for this article? It's not really helping with anything more than a high level process and the writer doesn't sound professional.
You could also include the rules you have chosen, and maybe an example of play.
(CCGs are cool: I used to play M:TG, but I just don't have time these days.)


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Click here to view similar products
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The Scott Contessa 20 2011 Women's Mountain Bike is designed to be light, efficient, and reasonably priced. Featuring comfortable geometry with sloping top tubes to ensure adequate standover height, with the heaDTube…
The Scott Contessa 20 2011 Women's Mountain Bike is designed to be light, efficient, and reasonably priced. Featuring comfortable geometry with sloping top tubes to ensure adequate standover height, with the heaDTube and seat angles ensuring responsive handling and precise steering. With Suntour XCR forks and Shimano hydraulic disc brakes.
- Frame:
Contessa Sport 6061 Alloy Double butted Solution geometry Integrated heaDTube
- Fork:
Suntour XCR / Lockout Softer spring setup / 100mm travel
- Front Derailleur:
Shimano Alivio / FD-M430 / 34.9mm clamp
- Rear Derailleur:
Shimano Deore / RD-M592
- Number of Gears:
- Shifters:
Shimano Alivio / SL-M430 / R-fire plus 2
- Chainset:
Shimano FC-M430-8, silver
- Chainrings:
44A x 32 × 22 T
- Bottom Bracket:
Shimano BB-ES-25
- Cassette:
Shimano CS-HG50-9 / 11-32 T
- Chain:
Shimano CN-HG54
- Pedals:
Wellgo C-128
- Front Brake:
Shimano BR-M445 / Hydraulic Disc
- Rear Brake:
Shimano BR-M445 / Hydraulic Disc
- Brake Levers:
Shimano BL-M446
- Handlebars:
Scott Contessa, black 8 degrees bend / 20mm rise / 620mm
- Stem:
Scott Comp / JD-ST57 A / Oversize 31.8mm
- Headset:
Ritchey Logic OE integrated
- Rims:
Rigida Taurus 2000 / 32H / White
- Front Hub:
Shimano HB-RM 65-CL
- Rear Hub:
Shimano FH-RM 65-CL
- Spokes:
14 G, stainless, black
- Front Tyre:
Schwalbe Black Jack / 26 × 2.1 / 50TPI
- Rear Tyre:
Schwalbe Black Jack / 26 × 2.1 / 50TPI
- Saddle:
Contessa VL 4135
- Seatpost:
Scott Comp, 31.6mm
- Weight:
13.30 kg / 29.30 lbs approx
Sizing Guides
Scott Contessa Mountain Bike Sizing Chart
Sizing guide for Scott Contessa Mountain Bikes
Scott Contessa Mountain Bike Geometry Data
Geometry data for Scott Contessa Mountain Bikes
Buying Guides
A buying guide that offers general advice on mountain bikes
Product manual for Scott bikes
Customer Reviews
|Product no longer available for purchase
We offer a range of delivery services for our UK and International customers. UK Customers can select our FREE standard delivery option on most non bike orders over £20. Or if you're in a hurry you can upgrade to our Next Day, Saturday or Sunday delivery services. You can also use our free Click & Collect service, where you can collect your purchases from a choice of over 50 Evans Cycles stores. International customers can benefit from FREE delivery on most orders and save UK VAT if we are shipping outside of the EU.
Bike build & delivery
UK bike delivery charge includes assembly by our fully trained mechanics, pre-delivery inspection and safety check, packing in our custom bike box, multi-tool and delivery from only £9.99 per bike.Click here to see how we deliver your bike
Standard, Next Day, Saturday & Sunday UK delivery
We offer a FREE standard delivery service on orders over £20, as well as Next Day, Saturday & Sunday delivery options to UK addresses. Click here for more details
Click & Collect
Using our Click & Collect service your order will be delivered to a choice of over 50 Evans Cycles stores nationwide for collection. This service is FREE of charge for all orders. To check store stock and collection times, use the "Check store stock" button above. Click here for more details
International delivery (Incl BFPO, ROI, Channel Island & Isle of Man)
We offer a FREE delivery service on most International orders. Orders delivered outside the EU are exempt from VAT. To calculate the charges for your order simply add products to your basket and proceed through the checkout process, where you will need to enter your delivery details. Our website will present you with the relevant delivery options and the charges for your basket of goods. Click here for more details.
Easy Returns
Our priority is to ensure that you are highly satisfied with your purchase. In the unlikely event that you are not, please feel free to return your goods within 90 days of the purchase date for a full exchange or refund. Returns can be made in your local store or sent back to our distribution centre.


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Texas on the Potomac
Washington news with a Texas accent
Posts filtered on Tag
Tens of Thousands rally on Capitol, demand a path to citizenship for immigrants
Ten of thousands of immigrants, families, and activists rallied on the west lawn of the Capitol on Wednesday, demanding a path to citizenship for 11 million unauthorized immigrants as part of a comprehensive immigration-reform package. Politicians, religious leaders, unions, musicians, writers, and activists spoke to the crowd on the warm afternoon. Sen. Robert Menendez, from [Read More]
Bipartisan Senate immigration plan will contain pathway to citizenship
The moment 11 million undocumented immigrants have been waiting for may finally be here. Or, more accurately, near. This weekend, a key group of Senate Democrats and Republicans was promising immigration reform in the very near future. As in this afternoon. And it's looking more and more like the plan will include an eventual pathway [Read More]
Top Ten out-of-state recipients of Texas Democratic donations
President Obama is the leader by a factor of ten. Among the senators, the top recipient is Sen. Robert Menedez of New Jersey, although six of the next eight leading recipients have tight races ahead in 2012. [Read More]
GOP Rep. Blake Farenthold jumps off Boone Pickens' natural gas bill bandwagon
Farenthold said he still supports natural gas as an energy resource, but wants to see its use encouraged in a more efficient way. [Read More]


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Guide to the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of conditions from A to Z.
Cervicitis is an irritation of the cervix caused by a number of different organisms. Cervicitis is generally classified as either acute, meaning the onset of symptoms is severe and sudden, or chronic, lasting over a period of months or longer.
Cervicitis is often caused by any of a number of sexually transmitted infections, such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, or herpes, and is often confused with vaginitis.
The following are the most common symptoms of cervicitis. However, each individual may experience symptoms differently. Symptoms may include the following:
Purulent discharge (containing pus)
Pelvic pain
Bleeding between periods or after sexual intercourse
Urinary problems
Since infections within the vagina are easily passed to the cervix, where the infecting organism is harbored, the tissue of the cervix can become inflamed and/or form a cervical erosion, or open sore. One early sign of this is a pus-like vaginal discharge. In addition, as the cervical erosion worsens, cervical ulceration may develop.
The symptoms of cervicitis may resemble other conditions or medical problems. Always consult your health care provider for a diagnosis.
In addition to a complete medical history and physical and pelvic examination, diagnostic procedures for cervicitis may include the following:
Pap test. Test that involves microscopic examination of cells collected from the cervix; used to detect changes that may be cancerous or may lead to cancer, and to show noncancerous conditions, such as infection or inflammation.
Biopsy. A procedure in which tissue samples are removed from the body for examination under a microscope to determine if cancer or other abnormal cells are present.
Culture of cervical discharge
Specific treatment for cervicitis will be determined by your health care provider based on:
Your age, overall health, and medical history
Extent of the disease
Type and severity of the symptoms
Your tolerance for specific medications, procedures, or therapies
Expectations for the course of the disease
Your opinion or preference
Treatment is aimed at reducing symptoms and preventing spread of infection and may include:
Antibiotics (to eliminate infecting organisms)
Treatment of sexual partners
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