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By Kate Daigle
Comments Off on Can I Really Trust My Body? Three Common Concerns About Letting Go of Your Diet
Categories: acceptance, body acceptance, body love, inner voice, intuition
Try to think back to a time in your childhood – maybe you were celebrating a birthday, having a picnic in the park, visiting friends in another state – a time where you remember feeling completely free and safe to enjoy what you were eating.
…This may be tough, but spent a few moments thinking back into your memory.
What was your favorite kind of food? What did you crave eating? Remember, this is before all of the "should's", "can't", "must", and other rigid rules around food surfaced. Just a time where true joy was associated with eating.
Now think of today and of the rules that you have created around what you can and cannot eat (or rules that were imposed on you by a diet or influences in your environment). Can't eat past 7pm. Shouldn't have carbs or gluten. Must eat under XXX number of calories every day. Should exercise every day for X amount of time….
These rules are most likely not borne of internal signals, but are enforced on you by external sources. In other words, they are rules that are not about listening to your body.
When you think of these two different scenarios, check in with your body. Which one does your body respond more positively to?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and make an assumption — probably the first one.
I don't think any body truly wants to be controlled by someone else's guidelines.
Since we are all unique and have our own genetic make-up, environmental factors, and personalities, it doesn't make sense that we could all conform to a similar diet mentality.
So why do we diet? Here are some of the common answers:
I am sure there are many others that you could come up with. Yet research shows that diets don't work, and that over 90% of people who diet will regain the weight (and then some).
Why? According to Dr. Traci Mann's article You should never diet again: The science and genetics of weight loss,
"Weight regain after a diet is your body's evolved response to starvation. When you are dieting, it may feel as though you are about to starve to death, but you know that you can open the fridge at any time and find more to eat, if you really wanted to. Your body doesn't know this, however, and you have no way to tell it that you just want slimmer hips or a flatter stomach. All your body knows is that not enough calories are coming in, so it kicks into survival mode." After your diet is over and you begin to eat normally again, your body will naturally put weight back on (and then some) as a way to survive.
Diets are the antithesis of listening to our bodies, and are one of the biggest risk factors to eating disorder development and body image distress.
In my work over the past six years with people who have experienced a disconnected, destructive and unhappy relationship with their bodies, I have heard many fears of letting go of their diet sand listening to their bodies. I get it – I have myself been on the diet rollercoaster, and for me that tipped into the dangerous territory of an eating disorder for ten years.
But I know intuitively, from my own experience and from witnessing others', that your body is wise and you can trust it.
Here are three common fears about letting go of the diet mentality – and how to overcome them:
And if you need support in this process of listening, connecting, appreciating, I can help.
Spring has finally sprung here in Denver! After several weeks of frigid temperatures and snow, we are melting and the crocuses are poking their sweet heads out of the dirt.
Along with warmer weather comes increased sunlight and a desire to be outside, and with that can come more focused attention on body image. Your friends may be sporting shorts, planning for spring break, shopping for tank tops, and talking about their bodies as we come out from 'winter hibernation'.
Does this bring up any insecurity for you?
If you have a friend, daughter, son, mother, or loved one who looks at themselves in the mirror, grimaces, pokes their belly, and then mutters "I feel SO fat!!", then this post is for you.
Five Things to Say to Your Daughter (or son, or loved one) When She/He Tells You She Feels Fat
1.) Fat is not a feeling. Facebook recently removed the "feeling fat" emoticon from their status bar because fat is NOT a feeling and proposing that it is a feeling further adheres to the thin ideal and shaming anyone who has fat on their body. It also can be triggering to those who have eating disorders or body image struggles. Fat is not a feeling — what are you REALLY feeling?
2.) Talk to her about normal things that bodies do, look like, and feel like. Everyone has a different body and whatever the number on the scale says, our bodies are amazing and deserving of respect. Talk with her about what your body went through as you were growing up, normalize some of the uncomfortable things that can occur (i.e.: puberty), and discuss this in an affirming, accepting and empowering way.
3.) Discuss the 'thin ideal' and how thinness is glorified in our culture. Explore the effect that the media and society have had on her and on others and what message that sends. Fat is stigmatized in our culture and many people fear being judged, bullied, rejected, or hurt by not fitting into the thin ideal.
Help her get educated and stand up for herself amidst the immense cultural pressure to look a certain way.
4.) Find out what is going on in her life. Chances are, if she is obsessing about
body image, weight, or food, there are other factors affecting her stress level and wellbeing. How are her relationships? How does she feel about school? Is she pushing herself too hard? Does she compare herself with her best friend? Explore the deeper meaning to "fat" and what it is truly trying to express.
5.) Dance. Invite your daughter or loved one to put on a favorite song and to check your judgments at the door. Dance with her and invite yourselves to feel the miraculous, fun, strong things that your body can do for you, and does for you each day. Carve out time each day to focus on what your body DOES, instead of how it looks.
Warmer weather invites the birth of spring, which in turn offers an opportunity for rebirth, renewal, and release. Ask your loved one and yourself: What would you like to release this spring that is not serving you? How can your body help you do it?
Do the number of inches around your waist measure the amount that you are worth?
Let me tell you something. You're never going to lose those last five pounds.
What?? How do YOU know?, you might be thinking. That's none of your business! And then: Yes, I will, and I can!
You are right; maybe you can and it is not my place to assume what your diet and body can and can't do.
But I am here to ask: why is that so important???
I have met so many people who are suffering every day because they have not asked
themselves that question.
It's the end of February. How's your New Year's Resolution going? If it involves weight loss it has probably been thrown out the window by now. How are you feeling about that?
How are you feeling about yourself?
I hope the answer is "great!", but I am bravely going to dare to suggest that if a weight loss goal is connected with how you feel about yourself and your body, then you're probably struggling with some self-criticism right about now. You are never 'perfect' enough…
You may be one of the thousands of men or women who 'wants to lose those last five pounds' and then you'll feel 'confident' in your body.
I get it. That elusive yet seemingly doable goal of weight loss as a way to feel better about yourself and your body is so tantalizing.
The ads on television and in the magazines throw out all the stops to convince you that going on a diet and counting your calories is the solution as to why you don't feel so great about yourself. (And they make it look so damn easy!) They promise you if you lost five pounds (or more) you will find…wealth…popularity…success…happiness.
I'm not sure about you, but I receive dozens of spam email messages each day. Here are a few of the most delicious titles:
'Ellen DeGeneres' Ageless Look! She looks 20 again just by taking this pill!",; and from GetSkinnyNow: 'READ THIS OR HATE YOURSELF FOREVER!'; and from BetterThanBotox: '[Secret Revealed!] Arctic Glacier Eliminates Wrinkles Forever!'. And good old Dr Oz promises me: '#1 Brand New Diet Tip of 2015: This Miracle Pill Will Burn Fat Fast!!'
C'mon, really?
Since when is deprivation, shaming, and rigidity a path to inner peace and self-love?
Yesterday marked the beginning of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2015. The last week of February each year is designated nationally as a time to flood social media and our society with lots of information, resources, and hope for eating disorder recovery. The theme this year is: "I had no idea… "that some of the things we do and say each day to ourselves or to others can trigger an eating disorder to develop.
One of those statements is "I had no idea…that my quest for health was making me sick."
Not all diets trigger eating disorders, but rigid and perpetual dieting increases the risk of developing disordered eating behaviors like binge eating. Did you know that statistics show that people who consistently diet are thirteen times more likely to binge eat?
And did you know that more than 65% of people who have lost weight on a diet will gain it back (and then some) within the next year? If weight loss is connected to your self-worth, how is that ever going to point you in the direction of feeling better about yourself?
So instead of focusing on losing weight or counting calories to cultivate a relationship with yourself that is loving and pleasurable, how about trying these seven ideas instead?
1.) Take yourself out on a date. When you have been dieting and controlling your food and body for so long, you may have lost touch with what your body really needs or wants. Spend an evening listening …and then giving. If it wants a pint of ice cream, yum! If it wants to go salsa dancing, sounds fun! This helps to foster a sense of acceptance and connection, allowing you to build on developing a mutually enjoyable relationship with your body.
2.) Ask yourself what five pounds would really change about your life – and if the dieting is worth it? Is losing weight really the way to get there?
3.) Did you know that muscle weighs more than fat? Those extra five pounds may be comprised of muscle and strength…helping to make your body awesome and capable of doing so many things. Why attach a number to that?
4.) Focus on your strength and capability of your body and not your blemishes. What does your body do for you each day that you are not aware of? For example, did you know how complex our digestive system is and how our body facilitates so many essential daily processes that we are not consciously aware of? Amazing!
5.) Ask your body if it is truly hungry and if so, what would taste good to eat right now. So much of the diet mentality is not listening but formulating what you should eat based on someone else's guidelines. Somebody who is not in your body and doesn't know it as well as you do. Your body is wise and when it is well-fed it will shift to a place where it naturally feels healthy. That may be losing weight…it may not.
6.) Let go of that negative, judgmental, critical monster voice in your head. You may never be able to make it go away completely, but you can change your relationship with it and the influence it has over you. Focus on what you love about yourself, your body, and food…not what is 'wrong' with those things.
7.) Follow Your Bliss. Life is too short. We don't get a dress rehearsal for our life— this is it! How do you want to spend your precious time here? How can you invite your body to join the party?
I invite you to attempt to get off the rollercoaster of 'loving yourself WHEN….I lose five pounds…when I can bench press X amount…when I don't have wrinkles on my face anymore'….and trying to love and accept yourself as you are today. I have tried it and it is so liberating! See how that feels on your body.
I am honored today to share a guest post to my blog by Annette Sloan, a health coach and yoga teacher with a passion for empowering teens to embrace healthy living through her business, (w)holehearted. She is gifting us today with her story about how yoga helped her offer herself something that is so integral to its essence: compassion. Even when you're struggling with food or body image issues. Especially then.
~ ~ ~
Have you ever been to a bad yoga class? Maybe it was a class where the teacher wasn't sure of her instructions and kept fumbling over her words.
Or maybe she talked too much, which made it hard for you to quiet your mind, or she talked too little, which made it hard for you to know what you were supposed to be doing.
Bad yoga classes are the worst. You take the time in your day to get to your mat, hoping to move your body and calm your mind – and then the instructor ruins the whole experience.
I am a yoga instructor, and I have a confession to make: I once taught the worst yoga class ever. Ok, maybe not the worst class ever. I didn't make fun of anyone or tell them their body was wrong. No one got hurt. But, I did do an absolutely terrible job of leading the class. I forgot my sequence, mixed up left and right multiple times, and fumbled over the instructions on pretty much every pose.
Not even halfway through the class, I could tell that my students were just humoring me. They wanted to roll up their mats and leave, but they were too polite. It was my first class out of yoga teacher training, and I was screwing up it, big time.
Even worse, this wasn't just a regular class – it was an audition. One of the polite yogis in front of me owned a yoga business, and I was supposed to be proving my chops as an instructor.
When the hour finally ended, my students gratefully rolled up their mats and departed. I was left with Bonnie, the yoga business owner. Telling myself that I could cry in my car in a few minutes, I looked her in the eye and waited to hear my fate.
Bless Bonnie. Instead of diving into the long list of everything I had done wrong, she kindly asked, "How do you think it went?"
I was honest and brutal in my self-appraisal. Bonnie waited patiently for me to finish, then nodded.
Without agreeing or disagreeing with me, she said, "But did you see how they stayed around to talk with you at the end? If they hated you, they would have left immediately. They liked your energy."
Once again, bless Bonnie. Talk about compassion.
I didn't get hired for the job that night. But I didn't get dismissed either. Bonnie recognized that my nerves had played a huge role in my less-than-stellar performance. She gave me a list of areas to work on, and suggested that I do another audition in a few weeks. Later, she hired me.
The moral of the story is that on the night of my worst yoga class ever, Bonnie embodied an essential component of yoga: compassion.
In my opinion, when a yogi steps onto his or her mat, everything that takes place is in service to a higher goal: to connect mind and body to the present moment – and to be compassionate with whatever comes up.
Downward-facing dog too rough on your shoulders today? Try table instead. Table isn't feeling good? Child's pose is always available. The underlying message is: wherever you are, right now, is valid. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. Honor your journey.
I started practicing yoga in high school, and continued through college and my twenties. During this time, I was struggling with an unhealthy relationship with food. (Learn more about my story here, or here for a more detailed version). Thankfully, I'm now on the other side of the struggle. And I can honestly say that my practice of yoga was essential to my healing.
Yoga connected my mind and body in the present moment. It regularly reminded me to practice self-compassion and to honor my journey. My subconscious received the message that I wherever I was, it was ok for me to be there. I was worthy, just as I was.
Eventually, my journey led me to yoga-teacher training, where I found the courage to share the story of my struggle with food.
It was terrifying to make myself so vulnerable – but in airing my shame, I found healing. I summoned up the courage to share my story with others, and eventually, with everyone I knew. Today, I have my own business, (w)holehearted, which specializes in compassionate health coaching for teen girls.
I have yoga to thank for it all – and for that, I will be forever grateful.
Annette Sloan owns (w)holehearted, a Denver-based business specializing in compassionate health coaching for teen girls. Her work as a coach and speaker empowers teens to discover their happiest, healthiest, most authentic selves. Soon, Annette will also debut a program called Empowered Moms, Empowered Daughters, which will help moms to heal their relationships with food, body, and self so that they can be positive role models for their daughters. In addition, Annette co-leads a workshop called "Yoga, Food, and Love: A Compassionate Journey to Healing your Relationship with Food." Learn more at www.healthyteengirls.com and www.fb.com/healthyteengirls.
Here's a fun guest post I wrote for nutritionist and counselor Stephanie Small's blog. She's an awesome inspiration in helping women "boost your mood and transform your relationship with food'! Come back next week to read a guest post from Stephanie on my blog! Check it out:
If you have found this post, you probably are someone who has struggled with body image issues in your life. You may have had negative thoughts towards parts or all of your body, like: "Ugh, why do my thighs jiggle and touch each other like that?", or, "My stomach is so flabby I feel like I'm going to burst out of my pants. How disgusting." Sit for a moment and really let the effect of hearing those statements ooze into you. Do you feel even more yucky after reading them?
I could feel the tinglings of gloom as I wrote them and they are lingering even as of now.
You may have also experienced behaviors that are violent towards your body as a result of some of the feelings and thoughts that have been directed its way. Perhaps you binge eat to a point of extreme discomfort; perhaps you binge and then purge to get the feelings and the food out of your system; maybe you restrict what you eat to try to sculpt the body you think you'd really love.
I'm here to give you some bad news: you're never going to feel confident in your body.
What? How could those words come from a therapist who spends every day (in and out of the office) offering support to those struggling with eating disorders, body image struggles or who for various reasons feel disconnected from and not at-home in their bodies?
Bear with me. I'm going to suggest that we can never be confident in our bodies until we detach from our bodies. Just for a little while. And then we can come home to them.
As a society, we are afraid of fat. We value thin. We put thin and people who are thin up on a pedestal. You are bombarded with messages that tell you this directly and indirectly hundreds of time each day. It takes conscious, concerted effort each day to notice these messages before you internalize them. And even if you do, you still will internalize them. They will cause you and others lots of suffering because you can never be "enough" of what society tells you that you should be (thin, rich, popular, funny, smart, etc). The point is not to try to stop them, because we never can, but to change the way that you react to them.
I have had many, many clients come to me and tell me about their struggles with food – perhaps they binge eat, or feel out of control in some way. They just want to stop the behavior and they will feel so much better about themselves. This part I totally empathize with – I know how destructive and painful these eating disordered behaviors can be.
Then usually they slip in – 'I just want to lose some weight and then I know I will feel more confident to [date] [go out for a new job] [stop isolating] [love my body].
They are fused with the thin-ideal as a surefire way to love themselves more. And they don't realize it or are in denial. I get it – I have been swayed by that campaign as well.
Sometimes we are able to notice that this is happening and step away from being body-centric for a bit and examine what is truly going on for us – fear of not being accepted unless us look a certain way, deep-seated shame, fear of not knowing who we are without being body-obsessed, discomfort with confrontation, etc. – so that we can sort through it, find healing, and then move back to applying that acceptance to our entire being.
But sometimes we can get so stuck on the thin-ideal that we cannot see out of the 'I must be thin [or lose some weight] to be self-confident' blinders. We can get on a rollercoaster ride where self-worth is in the same car as 'physical appearance', and we are zooming at a frantic pace with seemingly no way to get off the ride.
That's where I try to stop us (or slow down at least!) and divorce the body for a moment. What is truly going on inside? What are you truly hungry for that has nothing to do with your body? Without looking at that, you cannot be truly confident in yourself or your body (and you won't be able to actually stop the eating disordered behaviors).
After some time focused away from the external parts of the body and delving deeper into the inner parts of the self, we may discover what that deeper hunger truly is. And we can feed it – without food being the answer.
Then we can re-enter the body work in a holistic, integrated, authentic way where the focus is not on weight but on being embodied – or "at home in your body and yourself". As you stand on your own two feet, you will radiate confidence from within your body, a confidence that has nothing to do with what your body physically looks like.
When these pieces are integrated back together, you may have thoughts like "I love the way my knees curve that way as I bend down", or even "My hips are strong and womanly". Your body may not actually be at the top of your mind as often because it is now a fully connected part of you and the hunger that your body feels is purely physical, or, if you have emotional hunger, you will have the awareness to decipher the "food" that you're really craving.
What do you think? Have you noticed yourself getting hijacked by the thin-ideal and getting taken away from what really matters to you? How can you find self-confidence without focusing on your body?
Seasons are changing here in Denver, Colorado — at 10am this morning the temperature was a balmy 32 degrees! Yesterday I frantically covered my garden and pots as best I could and am praying that they pulled through this cold snap. Oh, Colorado weather, you never fail to challenge me! I still have so many tomatoes that need to ripen and pumpkins to turn to orange
It is supposed to be back in the 80s next week, also a typical Colorado weather pattern this time of year. I love fall! The shift of the seasons also brings events like back-to-school time and many other forms of change. Going back to school can be an exciting and anticipatory time — what will I learn this year? Who will I meet? What will be my greatest challenge? Where will I grow the most?
It also can be a time where body image concerns can show up pretty intensely as each student is finding their group of friends, adjusting to the school atmosphere, and embracing the unknown. Thoughts like "How do I measure up? Will I fit in? Am I accepted?" can show up during the first few weeks of school. As we wear less tank tops and sundresses and begin pulling on long pants and coats, so, too, do some of us feel a little more self-conscious about our bodies and how we feel in them.
I thought it would be a helpful exercise today to offer some tips for boosting your body image and embracing the awesome person you are as school starts up and the seasons shift. Whether you sometimes struggle with body image concerns or not, I'm hopeful you can find something to relate to and take with you from the list below.
1.) Ask yourself: "How do I feel about my body?" . Remember that you are unique and have so many gifts to offer that only you can! Focus on three body parts that you don't normally pay attention to (your glands, for example!) and offer them gratitude for the function they serve for you. For example: "I love my spine. Each vertebra is lovingly connected to its neighbors. There is smooth, perfect interaction between them. I am strong and flexible."
2.) Find a body image boost buddy (BBB). Reach out to someone you trust and talk about body image. Talk about what you love about your body and what you struggle with. Ask them their body image story. Swap tips for embracing and loving the body you were gifted with.
3.) Speak up when you hear someone talking negative about their body or someone else's. Negativity and judgement can spread like a wildfire and it's hurtful. If you notice someone putting their body down or criticizing someone else's, say something to them. They might not even notice what they are doing or the impact it can have. This also can help you feel more positive about yourself, your body, and the messages you are sending about body love.
4.) Create a vision. Ask yourself, "How do I want to feel inside this body? If I felt this way, how would I move differently, how would I interact with others differently, what would this free me to do and experience?" Using guided visualization, to step into and experience this vision, allowing yourself to have a goal to work towards.
5.) Notice your body talk. How do you talk to your body? How do you talk about your body to others? Notice the negative or critical thoughts that you have towards your body and write them down. Then write a counter to each of those thoughts and formulate thoughts that are positive about your body.
6.) Be active. Being active in your body — running, dancing, stretching, playing soccer, or whatever makes you feel good — can help you connect to it in a healthy way and show you the amazing things your body helps you do each day.
7.) Wear clothes that make you feel confident. Wearing clothes that fit your body well can help you feel more comfortable and confident in your body. You may need to buy new clothes or find some oldies but goodies that you love. What's important is that you enjoy wearing these clothes and therefore are choosing to treat your body with love and respect.
8.) Notice the messages that influence you. Where do you get messages that there is something wrong with the way your body looks? Are there magazines, commercials, television shows, advertisements that try to convince you that you need to change? Before buying into them, try to notice them and ask yourself if you truly believe their message or if they are trying to sell you an unhealthy thought.
9.) Listen to positive messages! The good news is there are so many uplifting and fun sites and other media that are trying to change the way we talk about ourselves and our bodies. Here are a few of my favorite: Operation Beautiful, Beauty Redefined, The Body Positive, and here's a great list of more body image boost sites!
10.) Redefine what health, beauty, and happiness mean to you! Maybe your definition doesn't entirely fit with society's or your best friend's. That's okay! This is your body, your life, and you get to decide what makes you feel wonderful!
Here's a fun video of a hip new song called "All About That Bass", which promotes positive body image:
Lyrics for this song are here.
Come up with your own! Leave a comment below about your own ways to Boost Body Image!
Happy Fall and Back To School~
At work and in my personal life, I make a conscious effort to "practice what I preach". I love my job in that it allows me to offer support, encouragement, and tools to my clients to help them create a more fulfilling, balanced and enjoyable life. Much of what I talk about in sessions with clients is "self care", which is a practice of taking care of yourself through activities and rituals that nourish and foster relaxation and healing.
This, admittedly, can be difficult at times if you've struggled to have an accepting relationship with yourself. "Oh, it's so much easier to take care of others than to take care of myself", is a common excuse to avoid practicing self care. Yes, I agree that focusing on ourselves can sometimes be uncomfortable and unsettling, however the mental, physical, and emotional rewards of such practice is undeniable and incomparable.
I believe strongly in congruency and authenticity, and feel that I cannot appropriately suggest to my clients to do things that I myself am not able or willing to do. So, I try to maintain a regular routine of self care in my own life. This typically involves exercise, mindfulness practice, gardening, spending time with loved ones, and volunteering.
Yesterday I gave myself a gift of something I've never done before, and I have to admit, something I was a bit unsure about: an hour in a floatation tank. A floatation tank is an enclosed, insulated, sound- and light- proofed tank filled with water and 1000lbs of Epsom Salt. I entered the room which held the tank and was told that I would be retrieved again in one hour. "Sometimes that time goes quickly, sometimes it feels like it goes very slowly", I was informed by the woman working there.
Then she left me. A jolt of anxiety and nervousness rushed through me. I gingerly entered the tank and closed the lid. Pitch blackness. No sound. And I was floating as if my body was weightless. With sensory deprivation this intense, my mind started to freak out a bit. "What if I can't get out?", "What if they forget I'm in here and I get stuck?", "How am I going to just float here for an hour? That seems like an ETERNITY!", were all thoughts that raced through my head.
After about (I think) ten minutes, I noticed my mind begin to settle down. I tried to actively practice mindfulness of where I was and to notice any thoughts that came into my mind that took me away from the present moment and to put them in a balloon and let them float up to the top of the tank for the time being. I tried to do something that has been a difficult practice for me for my entire life: to let go.
When your mind can't get data from what you see, and when it can't register information from what you hear, it feels quite deprived. It's lost two of its most reliable sources of data which can tell it if it needs to feel a certain feeling: fear, excitement, joy, surprise, or if there is some sort of threat. At some point, the struggle to try to control the experience lifted from me and I was able float, aimlessly. As my mind quieted, I was left with only the sensations that my body was feeling — body talk. I felt fully, truly present in my body.
This type of experience taught me so much and in reflecting back, I believe it could be very beneficial for anyone who feels stress. I think it could especially be powerful for people who struggle with issues related to body image and disordered eating because for this hour, your body is completely weightless. You must trust it, as it is your only source of information and awareness. It challenges you to re-evaluate how you perceive and feel in your body without using visual cues to determine this, and it gives you a sense of being in your body in a whole new way.
Here are the Top Ten Benefits of Floating
And more, depending on your personal goals!! Read more about floatation here.
From the perspective of a professional in the mental health field, I would add:
After my session, I felt rejuvenated, relaxed, and also slightly discombobulated. I felt like I had been on a different plane of existence for an hour — a refreshing to "get out of your head, into your body", and embrace a new perspective.
I'd encourage anyone who would like to explore a new way of being in your body, a refreshing way of experiencing your mind, and to experiment with "letting go" and trusting your intuition to sign up for a session in a floatation tank. You'll walk away feeling much different than you did before you went in, and this experience is unlike any other!
Many of the clients that I work with report feeling "disconnected from", "at war with", "disgusted by", or "dissatisfied with" their bodies. To me this says that there has been some form of trauma that has caused a rift in the natural mind-body connection. This could mean an actual traumatic event in one's life, or, more commonly, it could mean that some form of internal experience (feelings) has felt too painful or too disregulated and we must disconnect from it. Our bodies can be a battlefield for our emotions. Castlewood Treatment Center defines one's body image as:
'Body image is comprised of how one sees their body, lives in and experiences their body and perceives how others see their body. Negative body image can serve a protective function to distract clients from painful feelings or emotions held in the body.'
To heal from this disconnect between mind, body and soul, we strive to become more "embodied", to literally attach ourselves to our bodies once more, as we were when we were born. To find a way to be accepting of our internal and experiences and thus more accepting of ourselves.
What does it mean to "be embodied"? Being "embodied" signifies:
Here are a few ideas for beginning to implement these and be on your way to "becoming more embodied" in a safe, accepting, nonjudgmental, and joyous capacity.
1.) Bring your focus to the daily essential tasks that your body performs for you. Have you ever noticed how many muscles, bones, and ligaments it takes to walk effectively? It's not just our legs and feet that need to be involved; our whole body is on the job as we walk down the street and keep us balanced. What about all of the steps it take to take a shower? Have you ever slowed down and tuned into each step? Your body does so much for you — much of it out of your consciousness — and you may not realize this. By bringing attention and focus to the physical tasks it implements for you, you can begin to feel more present, grounded, and appreciative of your whole body and the miracle it is.
2.) Draw a body image timeline. What is the story of your body? What would it say to you about its life if it could speak? Begin with a large piece of drawing paper and some art materials. Draw a line from your earliest memory of your body to the present. Fill in each of the events that stand out to you (for example: 'felt self-conscious in my bathing suit at the pool party, age 13′, or 'gave birth to my first child, age 33′). Use colors, shapes, words to describe the journey your body has been on until this point. Add influential people to the timeline. This is not about weight, but about how it has felt to be in your body. Then, draw a line from the present into the future: how do you want the story of your body to look from here on out?
3.) Pay attention to the messages you send to your body. These may come from both internal and external sources. What kinds of statements do you send to your body? That it's not good enough? That it's awesome and strong? That it's beautiful? That 'if only I could lose 5 more lbs, I'd be happy'? Write these down in a notebook. Then try to reframe the negative ones to thoughts that feel more accepting, validating, kind, and compassionate — the kinds of messages you would send to someone you love very much. Offer kindness to what it's been through — pains, injuries, surgeries, etc — and how resilient it is!
4.) Dance, dance, dance! We all can project feelings of awkwardness, uncertainty, or insecurity on our bodies. Have you ever watched someone dance in a way with complete abandon, fearlessness, and joy? Try it! You can begin in your own home. Turn on a song that you love, one that really gets into your soul, your joints, your body. And let yourself dance to it with no rules and no self-consciousness. Fling your arms around; gallop across the floor; jump in the air! Do whatever your body wants to do — just follow it. See how it feels!
5.) Spend a day tracking your emotions and your body signals. We tend to hold our emotions in our bodies, and they can often show up as somatic concerns if we don't address them. Have you ever had a stress headache? Or shoulder tension? These could be the result of untreated emotional pain you are holding in your body. When we take care of our bodies appropriately (and this means REST as well as movement!), then we send the message to our emotional selves that we deserve to be appropriately tended to as well. Spend a day tracking the messages from your body and your emotions. Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. On one side, track any emotions you feel that day (sad, angry, lonely, surprised, etc). On the other, track physical sensations you feel (headache, stomach queasy, muscle spasm in leg, tight hamstring, etc). Just notice where these line up next to each other and if you see any connection.
These are only a few ideas to helping you become more embodied in your body, your soul, and your life. This Saturday, March 29th, I'll be facilitating a full-day workshop on this topic, using some of these techniques and so much more! There are a few spots left, so contact me ASAP at 720-340-1443 to reserve yours!
Leave a comment below with ideas you have tried that have helped you feel more "at home" in your body. What are the daily practices you use to facilitate this? There are more great ideas as Embodiment Training as well.
This is the only body you'll have. Let's see how we can celebrate our bodies and pamper them instead of judge and criticize them!
Today I am pleased to offer a guest post by blogger Lizz Schumer, who has known the dangers and pitfalls of disordered eating and exercise, and now advocates for healthy recovery and body image.
Here, she shares her experience with 'fitspiration' and describes her journey to balanced, intuitive exercise that fit her body's unique needs:
I called it the "tyranny of the numbers." I couldn't be content to run x number of miles, burn x number of calories or spend x amount of time. The three x's had to line up, like pictures on a slot machine, for me to hop off the treadmill satisfied. Bingo.
In this way, my compulsive exercising brain held my body captive, tied to a treadmill until one would let the other stop. If I skipped a day, I hated myself, my body, the weakness that I thought resting implied. I counted calories like I counted steps, minutes: obsessively. This was not fitness. This was an exercise in illness.
A person only need spend five minutes on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram or even Twitter, to notice the "Fitspiration" trend that's taking over social media. Slogans like "unless you puke, faint or die, keep going" and "No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch," slapped across photos of tight bodies in tighter clothes flash across the screen in the name of fitness. But what are they really saying?
After years of fighting it, I've learned to listen to my body telling me what it needs. My body isn't a machine and it isn't a tool. It's a part of me, and a part that I love and respect. If it's fainting or puking, there's something wrong. That isn't fitness; that's illness.
And no matter how slow I go, my body still needs rest days. It needs the couch, sometimes. And yes, it often needs potato chips and chocolate, too. And if I don't give it some off time, my body will break down. Or my mind will, because neither can exist at maximum capacity for long without falling to pieces, because neither were made that way. That isn't fitness either. But I can tell you what it is.
It's a culture trying to sell fitness by encouraging shame in our bodies. Fitspiration encourages pushing a person's body to the limit and beyond, implying that any less is failure. It's an all-or-nothing attitude that isn't just discouraging; it's dangerous. Women are already taught that we're not good enough. We're taught that our bodies are imperfect, our efforts are less valuable, our work is worth less. None of these are true, but all of them sell beauty products, self-help gear and yes, workout clothes. We have to look beyond the fitspiration messages and realize that slogans that subjugate aren't selling us anything we should be buying. That we're stronger, smarter, better than that.
True fitness, the kind that leaves a person feeling better and living healthier, has nothing to do with fainting and puking. It doesn't require, or even usually result in, glistening muscles rippling beneath branded spandex. And most of all, real fitness makes a person feel better, not worse. Because my personal fitness level, no matter where it is, is nothing to be ashamed of.
These days, I don't treat a treadmill like a slot machine, just like I don't treat my body as a vessel that needs punishing. I put a book over the numbers, cue up my favorite podcast and exercise until a chapter break, the end of the broadcast or my body tells me to. No matter what the numbers say.
Bio: Lizz Schumer is a writer, reporter and photographer living and working near Buffalo, N.Y. The editor of a local newspaper, her work has appeared in a variety of forums. Her first book, "Buffalo Steel" is available from Black Rose Writing. She can be found @eschumer, www.lizzschumer.com and www.facebook.com/authorlizzschumer.
Do you want to read more about 'fitspiration', its unhealthy messages, and related topics? You may find out more about why fitspiration really isn't that inspirational here; or uncover some of the most damaging fitspiration messages here, and read a report about the dangerous effects of fitspiration on mental and physical health as discussed by psychologists here.
With the news of The Biggest Loser contestant who dropped more than 60% of her body weight over the course of the show and fell to an unhealthy weight, The National Eating Disorders Association asks: 'Who Is the Biggest Loser? All of Us." A timely topic that we all must confront.
What are your thoughts or reactions? Please feel free to leave a comment below!
While immersing myself in texts, articles, conversations and daydreams to begin putting together a body image group coming in January 2014 (updates coming soon!!), I came across a beautiful and brilliant photo book by photographer Rosanne Olson entitled this is who I am. Within the book's covers, fifty-four women are photographed nude, each with stories to tell to prove that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes:
"The portraits, taken by award-winning photographer Rosanne Olson with a steady, non-judgmental eye, speak loudly to the American obsession of feminine perfection — slim hims and full breasts, high cheekbones and tiny waists, taut skin and eternal youth — and even more loudly to the way real women, with real bodies and real lives, look."
I was struck by the pure humanness and depth in the eyes and bodies of all of the women represented in the book — women from all walks of life, ethnicities, ages, and with their own unique stories.
Utilizing this book with clients who are struggling with their own various body image issues has proven to be an eye-opening and introspective journey. We have found a richness in exploring how what we see on the outside does not necessarily tell us the true or whole story. When looking at a photo of a twenty-two year old slim, blonde woman, one might be compelled to focus on her body first and assume (by society's standards) that she is happy, rich, popular, and perfect. Reading her story, you learn that she has had part of her lung removed as part of complications of cystic fibrosis and that she lives with other complications every day. Look in her eyes and you sense a wisdom, perhaps one that delves into her soul and makes her look older than she is. You sense that she knows her story and its twists and turns.
What do learn or assume if we focus on how a body looks as an assessment tool for how happy, peaceful, confident, healthy, wealthy, etc etc etc a person is? How true of a measuring tool is that? What are the consequences to this approach?
Ms. Olson posed intriguing questions to her subjects in her "goal of complete revelation — not hiding behind clothing but exposing both body and mind. What would we learn about ourselves? Would we — could we — become more compassionate? Not only towards ourselves but towards another?" I invite you to peruse through the other questions she posed and see how you would answer them yourself:
She then asked each participant why they agreed to be photographed. Some of the women struggle with eating or exercise problems. Some have suffered from medical issues or illnesses that have affected the way their body functions, feels, and looks. They all have had experiences in their lives which have forced them to become more aware of their bodies — whether in a joyful or painful way.
What story does your body hold? If photographed, what messages about your internal state of being would your body send to those looking at the photo? Is your internal state congruent with the energy you exude out of your body?
I have been journaling about my own journey with my body. It has been through so much with me, and yet here it still stands, walks, talks, and dances, my ever dedicated soldier. I am so grateful for my body, though my relationship with it can wind through sticky paths as well as bright ones. In my own recovery, I have learned that I must take care of my body, and this is not negotiable. My body is unique just to me, a gift. I admire the women in these photos who allow themselves to be vulnerable, naked, and yet to connect to each other and to those who read their stories and see their photos in such a powerful way.
We have so much to learn from the wisdom of our bodies. Why must we wait until something life-changing happens for us to tune into and adore them?
Stay tuned for my Body Image Acceptance Group coming in January 2014! The group will be limited to few participants, so sign up quickly. More info coming soon to my Events page.
It's that time of year again. The media pressure to work out and have the 'ideal' body has waned a bit since the New Year's Resolutions campaign, but now it's coming back in force as the weather warms up and we are all eager to get outside and enjoy the sunshine: "get your best bikini body yet!", "are you ready to hit the beach?", "three tips to lose weight FAST to fit into that tiny bikini!". Then there's the comparisons to celebrities who have the "perfect bikini body" and whose pictures are spread throughout the internet and in magazines as the "ideal role models" for how your body 'should' look this summer. Whoa. I'm exhausted even thinking about it. I can feel my chest start to tighten as I almost fall into that trap: "how will I EVER get my body to look like THAT??".
Deep breath.
Who said that anyone had to have a certain body appearance or type in order to wear a bikini? Where is the logic in that? It doesn't make sense to me and it feels very shaming, judgmental, and narrow-minded. For those of us who embrace and love our bodies no matter what they look like (or are desiring to do so!), these messages can be very harming. Bikinis come in all shapes and sizes, just like our bodies do. And we all have a right to enjoy our bodies, whether in a bathing suit, a dress, a towel, a jumpsuit, a clown's suit, or whatever we may choose! I'm of the belief that if we are able to physically put on a bathing suit, we are 'bikini-ready'.
I found this great article on the Huffington Post that inspired this blog post which asked readers to submit photos of their own fabulous, REAL, bikini bodies! What I loved about it was the energy radiating from these women (no men included in this exercise, though I think that would be a GREAT idea, as men are subjected to media and social pressures as well).
These beautiful bikini babes were jumping around, swimming with fish, enjoying the sun, and even in one case, running through snow, all embracing their REAL, healthy bodies. I could just feel how happy they were, and even if some of them have had body image issues come up (which can happen no matter WHAT your body looks like), they were not allowing those to bulldoze their fun in the sun and water (or snow).
An important point: your body might naturally look a certain way — thin, heavier, whatever. It's not what your body looks like that matters as much as how you feel in your body and the amount of joy, acceptance and satisfaction you are able to experience in your body. Exercising and eating foods that feel great to your body are certainly healthy practices, but we must remain present and balanced in these pursuits so as to not damage our self esteem and body image.
I wanted to offer some food for thought on this topic as we head into summer and are bombarded with messages that (mostly) tell us that our bodies are not good enough and that we need to change.
What else? I'd love to hear other ideas, thoughts, impressions, or questions about this topic. It's something we can all relate to.
If you are looking for support in embracing your beautiful, awesome, real bikini body or in accepting yourself in any other way, please feel free to contact me for a complimentary consultation. You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.com or 720-340-1443.
Forward on to enjoying the sun, the beach, food, friends, and OURSELVES!
This week is a very special week for me and for those that I work with and support in recovery from eating disorders. Every year, the last week of February the National Eating Disorders Association brings National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, this year falling on February 24-March 2. This is a very busy time of year for me, and also one that I eagerly await, as it brings an opportunity for us to shine attention on devastating eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and many other types of disordered eating and exercise behaviors. (Note: this is something that needs to be focused on every day of every year, not just one week per year).
Did you know that eating disorders are the #1 most deadly mental illness? Eating disorders kill more people than any one other mental disorder (source: anad.org). These often secretive, shameful disorders are hidden from public eye, leading to intense suffering and isolation. Just by naming them, we take away some of their power.
It's time to focus on promoting healthy body image, self-esteem, and coping mechanisms and eradicate eating disorders! I truly believe that we can achieve this, though it won't be easy. We have taken so many strong steps already!
This year, the theme of the NEDA Week is "Everybody Knows Somebody". We all are affected by the issues that cause eating disorders and are touched in some form by these illnesses, whether we are aware of it or not. "In the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some point in their life." (source: nedawareness.org).
What can you do to help spread the word? Are you hoping to learn more about how to spot these disorders and how to search for support? Here are some very helpful organizations and websites that can offer guidance to those struggling, and to their families, friends, and loved ones.
You Are Not Alone.
Highly Reputable and Respected Online Support Sites (recovery-focused):
Local Resources (Denver, Colorado area):
This week, I am offering complimentary 30 minute consultations and resources for those who would like to take a step on their journey to recovery. Please give me a call at 720-340-1443 or send an email to learn more!
I am passionate about and dedicated to the cause of supporting healthy body image, healthy relationship with self and food, and finding peace from internal struggles that can feel overwhelming. Sometimes the first step is the hardest, but recovery begins after that first step!
I don't know about you, but I've spent a lot of my life trying to change something. When I was a teenager, the focal point of the thing I wanted to change was myself. This dissatisfaction with myself, or parts of myself, spiraled into an exhaustive effort and cycle of "if only I looked like…if only I could do…THEN, I'd be happy". Let me tell you how that ended up: in an eating disorder. Only when I was able to accept myself, ALL of myself, and the range of emotions I experienced on a daily basis, was I able to stop destructive behaviors and lead a value-driven life. I know that I am not unique in the way I was thinking; I believed that my emotions were the problem and that my thoughts were "bad" and that I needed to change all of it. When I stopped struggling with all of those beliefs, I was free. That didn't mean accepting the negative beliefs and talk I was saying to myself, but stopping the struggle with my emotions, as I learned that it is not the emotions themselves that create dis-stress or dis-orders, it is the struggle, or attempted control, over the emotions that is the problem.
Eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, binge eating, compulsive over-exercising and other types of disordered eating behaviors as well as body image struggles can be borne out of a desire to find happiness and peace — but somewhere that mission gets diverted into destructive behaviors that lead to suffering. It seems that there is a call to find a way to "be with" our emotions in non-destructive ways.
I am currently getting trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, an empirically-based therapy that "makes no attempt to reduce symptoms, but gets symptom reduction as a by-product", writes one of its founders, Russell Harris. This approach is rooted in values, forgiveness, mindfulness, acceptance, compassion, living in the present moment, and accessing a transcendent sense of self, a therapy that encourages us to accept what is without judgment, and to be find some peace in our struggle (while acknowledging that some type of suffering is part of the human experience). ACT has been clinically proven to effectively treat eating disorders and other types of conditions such as OCD, anxiety, chronic pain, and stress, amongst many others.
ACT uses six core principles to help people develop more psychological flexibility and to get out of some of the rigid patterns that keep us stuck in self-destructive pattens:
I'm eager to utilize this approach with clients and am excited about the way that it encourages us to be ourselves, knowing that we are okay just as we are. To me, this is a big sigh of relief!
Are you interested in applying some of these principles in a hands-on experiential way? Are you ready to cultivate a more peaceful, accepting relationship with food and yourself? Join me and colleague (and ACT expert) Christine Allison, MA, LPC on March 2nd, 2013 for a workshop where we will practice all of this!
Early bird special ends on 2/15 so ACT now!!!
Held at my office, 709 Clarkson St, Denver, on 2/3 from 10am-2:30pm, the early bird rate is $65, and after 2/15 it will go up to $85.
Contact me to sign up TODAY — seats are filling up!
See the flyer here:
Cultivating a Peaceful Relationship with Food
Read more about ACT: Embrace Your Demons by Russ Harris
Happy New Year!
2013 is opening up as a bright, fresh breath of air, full of possibilities! How do you approach the New Year? Are you one who makes resolutions to change something, start something or stop something? Are you one to focus on deepening practices that you are already currently doing? Whatever your approach, the underlying theme that I hear from clients (and from myself!) is: I want to be happy and healthy. This is a very doable, energized mindset — but what if you are setting yourself up to fail? The way that we approach this goal is critical to our end result.
The #1 New Year's Resolution in America is to lose weight. We have all been there. I have been there. I committed myself to working out every day for 30 minutes and had a "goal weight" that I wanted to reach by a "goal date". Then, when my stamina for getting up early to go work out wore down, I felt badly about myself. When I wanted those delicious foods that I really enjoy but couldn't have them because they weren't part of my "diet", I felt badly about myself. When I lost 10 pounds, I felt proud, like I had accomplished a goal (more of an uphill climb). . . but then that satisfaction wore off and the weight I'd lost came right on back. I felt devastated. This is very common. Why?
Why does weight loss have such a powerful and motivating force upon us? It can make us feel elated — for a while. Then when it's not sustainable it can make us feel some of those uncomfortable feelings (guilt. . . shame. . . disappointment) . . .when we don't "succeed" at it. This sets us up to continually feel badly about ourselves, initiating a cycle of dieting and deprivation that only leads down a road of misery and yearning for that chocolate chip cookie. Dieting is the leading cause of eating disorders (note: not everyone who goes on a diet develops an eating disorder, however, the diet mentality is a strong trigger for those who might be at risk for eating disorders) and can also lead to bingeing, purging, and other self-destructive behaviors. Losing weight can "talk a big talk" and convince us that we will love ourselves if only we weighed X amount. It sure is convincing — and a lot of pressure! What's the deeper need? And how can we meet that as well?
I'm not saying that it's not okay to have goals, intentions, motivations — I think those can be very healthy and enriching things! I am asking us to contemplate the types of goals that we set and the reasons we are setting them. As I mentioned earlier, the most common desire for those setting resolutions is to be happy and healthy. Yes, for some this means losing weight in order to lower blood pressure or decrease the risk of diabetes or other health-related reasons. For those who are looking to lose weight so that they will feel better about themselves, I believe that there has to be more to it than that. Just losing weight is not going to make you feel better about yourself (see above). In face, it may have the opposite effect (again, see above).
I ask you: what are you really looking for? What do you truly need?
…and others. Does weight loss bring these things to you? I want to invite a radical idea: what if you accepted yourself just as you are today? What if you didn't need to change/add/subtract/stop anything about yourself to be happy and accepted? Close your eyes for one minute and try to imagine what that might be like. You. Are. Beautiful. Just. As. You. Are. ! These are intentions that foster recovery from eating disorders, addictions, low self-esteem, and other issues.
Special New Year's bonus: Download my "NewYearsIntentions" handout that encourages reflection of the past year and includes a guided meditation to embrace intentions for 2013. I hope that this year is a happy, balanced, nourishing year for you all!
Looking for a guide on your journey of self-discovery? Send me an email and let's chat! I offer a complimentary consultation to explore what this exciting chapter of your life might look like!
I love this time of year because there is so much energy given to gratitude. Thanksgiving is a holiday that may bring trepidation and anxiety to folks recovering from eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, or binge eating disorder, but it is also a day where we are invited to sit down and be thankful for what we have.
There's not a day that goes by where I am not giving thanks for my recovery from my eating disorder. As I sit and hold space with my clients who are finding their own journey to recovery, I am regularly reminded of my own process and the steps that brought me to where I am today.
The recovery process of an eating disorder is fraught with ups, downs, twists, and turns, and many frustrations and confusions about these peaks and valleys. Why can't I just stop these behaviors? some might wonder….or, Why am I not able to see myself the way that others do? I have had to answer these questions myself, and the passion I felt for my own health and healing ignited my career path to becoming a psychotherapist who helps others get here too. Sometimes my clients and I contemplate what they could learn from their eating disorder. What is its function? What are its needs? What is it trying to tell you? And even: What is it wanting to help you with?
I know, thinking of an eating disorders as "helpful" might seem bizarre and unconventional. Eating disorders are painful, destructive, and demeaning, you might say. I agree — they are those things. But by looking at it in a new way, in one that invites gratitude and healing instead of illness and pain, we might find a more peaceful path towards the end goal: recovery.
In the spirit of gratitude and thanks, I wanted to offer some insight into what I learned from my eating disorder (perhaps that I might not have learned in the same way if I hadn't ever had an eating disorder) — and what you can too.
These are a few thoughts that came up as I was contemplating gratitude today, Thanksgiving Eve. I learn new things every day that I am grateful for in my recovery as well as things that my eating disorder has taught me.
I invite you to think about what you are grateful for today and every day and to foster some energy in that direction. If you have recovered from or are in recovery from an eating disorder, what are you taking from the process? What do you want to look back on in ten years and remember about this journey?
Recovery is lifelong. Every day brings a new opportunity to utilize skills, tools, and learnings from our life's path. And I'm always growing and learning.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving. I am grateful for all of you!
Are you looking for support on your journey to recovery? Please contact me today or call me at (720) 340-1443 to schedule a complimentary consultation!
In light of the XXX Olympic Games currently underway in London, many media outlets have been commenting on the training, bodies, expectations, and pressure on these Olympic athletes. To qualify for the Olympic Games is a momentous triumph, requiring rigorous training and high standards from coaches, parents, teammates, the public, and the athletes themselves. Does this high expectation increase the risk for development of eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge eating disorder, and compulsive over-exercising?
I came across an interesting article about this issue entitled The Price of Gold: Eating Disorders in the Olympics, in which the author describes the complexity of becoming an Olympic-level athlete and the strain this training can put on bodies and self-concept. Though not all athletes are affected by this pressure in a way that leads to an eating disorder, many Olympians struggle with eating disorders, the risk being higher in: "Sports with weight limits, revealing uniforms (like beach volleyball), and where scores are based on form have higher rates of body image issues and eating disorders. Exercise and perfectionism can be risk factors for eating disorders, so presumably any number of athletes, male or female, at this high level of competition and motivation are at an increased risk, but it doesn't necessarily cause an eating disorder," says Douglas Bunnell, vice-president of the Renfrow Center Foundation.
Two athletes currently competing have come forward to speak out about their own experiences with eating disorders and to raise awareness of this issue. Brittany Viola, a diver, suffered from bulimia when she was 15 and states that she felt pressure to have a certain body type to compete professionally in her sport. In her recovery, she has come to accept and love her body as it is, and has performed very well in the Olympics. Hollie Avil, a triathlete, withdrew from the Olympics and ended her professional career as she worked on recovering from her eating disorder. She remembers being triggered by a comment from a coach that she "needed to lose weight" and now, in her recovery, wants to raise awareness about eating disorders in triathletes and other types of athletes.
An important distinction was noted by Bunnell in this article; he wants to highlight the difference between athletic training requirements and disordered eating. Many sports require rigorous training schedules, dietary plans, and goal-setting performances in order to compete at world-class level. This does not necessarily lead to an eating disorder. Eating disorders can be triggered by fear of weight gain, body dissatisfaction and clear intent to avoid weight gain, self-esteem that is tightly connected to body image, and fear of being out of control. Eating disorders are much more complex than food and exercise behaviors.
I agree that pressures of Olympic-level (or any other serious athletic competition) training do not lead to eating disorders for every athlete. I do think that the strict guidelines in terms of body weight, speed, and appearance that are present in many types of sports can increase the risk of an eating disorder, especially if the athlete is being judged on form and physical body characteristics.
Parents and coaches are the first line of defense against their athlete developing an eating disorder. Parents know their child best; they should keep an eye out for any changes in eating behavior or increased pressure to perform that stretch beyond reasonable limits. Parents and coaches can team together to make sure the athlete is not being trained to focus on body image and weight as much as other areas of performance.
Ten warning signs of eating disorders, provided by Bunnell via a press release, that parents and coaches should be aware of include:
1) Exercising even while sick or injured.
2) Skipping class, work, or other important duties to exercise.
3) Preoccupation with food and weight.
4) Repeatedly expressing concerns about being fat.
5) Increasing criticism of one's body.
6) Frequently eating alone.
7) Exercising alone and avoiding interaction with others, especially coaches/trainers.
8) Making trips to the bathroom during or following meals.
9) Use of laxatives.
10) Exercising beyond the normal training regimen.
Serious athletes are very competitive; eating disorders thrive on competition and pressure to be perfect. As there will always be ups and downs in sports competitions, an athlete can internalize the disappointment of not achieving the score or place that he/she had hoped. This, if combined with body dissatisfaction or high expectations, can increase risk of an eating disorder being used to cope with these seemingly out-of-control feelings. One patient at the Renfrow Center reflected on her struggle after an injury took her away from playing softball: "Anorexia gave me something to obsess over and focus on as my softball thoughts dissipated, and it protected me from dealing with the devastation."
If you know someone who might be at risk for an eating disorder, please seek help. It is possible to catch an eating disorder before it becomes severe, and recovery from these illnesses is fully possible. More information can be found at my website: www.katedaiglecounseling.com or for a free consultation call me at 720-340-1443, and at the Eating Disorder Foundation: www.eatingdisorderfoundation.org.
While eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, and binge eating disorder have historically been thought to be "women's disorders", over one million men are suffering from these afflictions in relative silence. My guess is that many more men and boys are struggling every day with an eating disorder than the numbers report. With stereotypes looming about women feeling pressure to live up to societal beauty standards and using food to cope with stress, trauma, and anxiety, men who experience the very same struggles may be left isolated, feeling shameful and confused. With the increased numbers of eating disorders around the United States, one positive aspect is illuminated: more education, advocacy, and support is beginning to become available for men struggling with eating disorders.
Beginning March 29th, a new and open support group is starting at the Eating Disorder Foundation. Running every Thursday from 5:30-7pm, this group is sponsored by the National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Related Disorders (ANAD) and is FREE and open to men who are struggling with any type of disordered eating or body image struggles. Facilitators Kate Daigle, MA, NCC and Clinton Nunnally, MA, LPC, are hopeful that this new group will open doors for men to find support in recovery from eating disorders.
What is different about eating disorders in men and women? Not a whole lot. In a clip I found produced in Britain to shed light on National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, one of the men talks about how criteria for anorexia nervosa includes amenorrhea (the loss of a female's monthly cycle) and that he sees this as a gender bias against men who may be dealing with the same disorder. You can view the clip here:
According to the online eating disorder recovery site Something Fishy,
"The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders, including Eating Disorders in Males, is the inherent presence of a low self esteem".
Men are dealt with pressure to live up to standards, ideals, and stereotypes, just as women are. The image of the strong, muscular male underwear model or the skinny, fashionable hipster affect the way that men perceive themselves. They may be influenced by "what women want" in a mate and conform themselves to fit the desired ideal. In addition, men are supposed to be "the strong, stoic, protector" — one who doesn't show or admit to emotions — based on Western standards, and this can create a great deal of pressure to fit all expected roles. Men, just as women, can control food in order to try to cope with feelings, or can feel out of control with food as a way of expressing underlying struggles.
We still have a ways to go to understanding how we can best support men in their recovery from eating disorders. I think the first step is admonishing the shame that is often attached to eating disorders. Shame is released by expressing it, addressing it, and letting it go. Here are additional resources for men struggling with eating disorders and for their families and loved ones:
Males and Eating Disorders: Research
Eating Disorders in Straight and Gay Men
Men With Eating Disorders Often Overlooked (a Talk of the Nation special audio report)
Men Get Eating Disorders Too (a non-profit to raise awareness about EDs in men)
I am hopeful that with these resources and with research to come, that men will not feel so alone or shameful about struggling with an eating disorder and that they might break the silence and search for treatment. If you know of any males who might benefit from the free support group please contact Kate Daigle at (720) 340-1443 or the Eating Disorder Foundation.
I am often asked: "What is recovery? How do I know when I am recovered from my eating disorder?". With these perplexing concepts, there is no single correct answer. Recovery from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, or any other type of disordered eating is individualized and unique for each person. This special journey is what makes recovery from eating disorders both challenging and rewarding: during recovery, we each learn tools and embellish our strengths that will guide us to a life of balance and wellness for many years to come. We also may slip and stumble a few times during this journey. But staying the course is the key to sustained recovery.
Today, I'd like to shed some light on what to do once you have come to realize that you are "recovered" or "in recovery" from an eating disorder. Again, this is my perception — my feelings about my own recovery. They may help others, they may not. Take what helps. I am safe in assuming that the majority of those in recovery will agree that eliminating destructive and self-harming behaviors is a central key to recovery (behaviors such as bingeing, purging, restricting, over-exercising, cutting, and others). While it is normal to have occasional slip-ups of behaviors while working to find security in recovery, the true definition of recovery must involve a cessation of behaviors. Behaviors such as those listed above are symptoms of a deeper psychological issue. When working to find peace and wellness from behaviors, the root of the issue must be defined and nourished. When this is done, or is "in the process" of being uncovered, harmful behaviors will naturally cease because they will not be needed as a coping mechanism any longer.
One of my favorite quotes I heard recently by Cheri Huber reminded me of the complexity of recovery:
"Having an attachment ripped from deep in our being does not feel kind. Yet when it is gone, when the wound is healing, we can see that the process was one of pure compassion." ~Cheri Huber
Eating disorders are like an attachment. They are like a relationship. They will never abandon us, deny us, leave us, or disagree with us. We can always rely on them. This is why it is so challenging to let them go — for all of the pain they have caused us, they have also satiated an inherently untended need. I interpreted this quote to mean that when we have our eating disorder taken away from us — whether it was of our own initiative or not — there is pain. The beginning stages of recovery are often the most excruciating; it can feel like ripping off a band-aid and exposing an open wound. Sometimes, it is too painful to bear, and we feel we need to continue using our behaviors until we are stronger in coping. When we sit with the feelings under the eating disorder, when we begin to heal, we can notice that giving ourselves compassion is one of the biggest keys in maintaining a solid recovery.
Here are a few ideas that might help in continuing to deepen your commitment to recovery:
1.) Define what the underlying struggles are, and always keep those in your awareness. This may come in the form of anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties or remnants from a traumatic event. You do not need to focus your awareness on these directly all the time, but tuck them into your consciousness so that you can be notified when you might need to cope with them in a healthier way.
2.) Remember what you have achieved. Again, this needs to be in balance — don't re-traumatize yourself by vividly placing yourself back into what it was like to be in the eating disorder, but reflect on the steps you have taken, the victories you have obtained, and the strength you have deepened within yourself. Sometimes when I am feeling down, I summon up my gratitude for my own recovery and that I got myself there.
3.) Connect with community. It is always therapeutic to be part of a community that understands and supports you through your recovery. Recovery can be a life-long process in stages, and you may have different needs as you take steps down the road. This can come in the form of joining writing or poetry groups, if it is healing for you to write about your recovery. You also might participate in volunteer activities with local eating disorder support centers. In Denver, the Eating Disorder Foundation offers many volunteer opportunities or classes you can take and expand your horizons in their new support center "A Place of Our Own".
This is only the beginning of a list of ideas to maintain recovery. What are some of your ideas? Remember always that the journey is challenging at times, but there is hope for a full, sustained, and healthy recovery from anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder.
There's a new word in the {Tumblr} dictionary: thinspo (n.): short for "thin-spirational", photos of wafer-thin girls, pro-anorexia quotes. The culture devoted to thinspo is primarily found on Tumblr but also is awash in blogs and sites all over the internet. Those who are active in it use acronyms across the top of their webpages, like a banner to describe their work: CW (current weight), SW (starting weight), UGW (ultimate goal weight). Carolyn Gregoire of the Huffington Post recently wrote an article THE HUNGER BLOGS: A Secret World of Teenage 'Thinspiration' wherein she uncovers "this codependent sisterhood of bloggers uses Tumblr for one sole purpose: to lose extreme and unhealthy amounts of weight."
Throughout my work with eating disorders and during my own struggle, I have encountered "pro-ana" (pro-anorexia) and "pro-mia" (pro-bulimia) sites which give "advice" and "tips" on how to have the best eating disorder possible. These sites are incredibly toxic for the influence they can have on young girls and boys who may not know anything about eating disorders before coming upon them. Harriet Brown, author of Brave Girl Eating: A Family's Struggle with Anorexia wrote a blog post piggy-backing onto Ms. Gregoire's post, during which she acknowledges that "thinspo" and other pro-ED sites are technically allowed because of the First Amendment's liberty of self-expression, but "thinspo is not self-expression because it's not these young women's true selves that invite emaciation and worship at the altar of jutting hipbones. The longing for extreme thinness, for the self-annhilation of starvation, is not rational. It's not a choice. It's the expression of an underlying terror and compulsion that controls a person's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors." In other words, the eating disorder is writing the words for these young women.
Ms. Brown's post, entitled "A Mother's Plea to Shut the Hunger Blogs", is written from the heart — from someone who knows what it's like to have a daughter affected by the messages from these sites. She writes: "If my older daughter had never developed anorexia, I might be more sympathetic to the notion that thinspo is a genuine form of self-expression." One of the dangers of thinspo is that the words and intent can come from a vulnerable place of wanting to express something. Eating disorders develop for some kind of reason, they help to cope with something, and behind the dangerous messages of thinspo lie millions of hurt, scared, and sick young women who underneath it all just want to be loved for who they are. They just don't know how to express that and are afraid to be rejected.
This may be why Ms. Brown says that she has empathy for these young women "even as their words nauseate me": the real issue isn't the development of these sites but the underlying cultural acceptance of the drive to be thin. And to do almost ANYTHING to get there — thinness is more valued in our culture than intelligence, curiosity, creativity or JOY. Now that is pretty twisted.
Yahoo says it has dismantled over one hundred thinspo sites due to "violation of the site's terms of use"; this is a start, but the sites will keep on coming. We can take all of the sites off the internet, and this will be a great step in the direction of decreasing "pro-ED" education. However, the real issue is the way that thinness, fitness (yes, there's another new word: 'fit-spo', short for 'fit-spirational', showing photos of fit girls and inspirational fitness quotes), and competitive drive are placed in the spotlight as qualities that lead to happiness and success. Yes, they may lead to a healthy lifestyle, but if these messages are heard by ears that are consumed by our culture and are already pre-disposed to eating disordered behaviors, they can lead to a full-blown eating disorder that takes their lives away from them.
As Ms. Brown cites: "In part because of our cultural obsession with thinness, we have trouble seeing anorexia and other eating disorders as illnesses. As real illnesses, the kind you can't snap yourself out of. And that's the main reason I would shut down every thinspo blog and Tumblr if I could: Because the girls and young women who so eagerly perpetuate them are ill. They're not stupid or vain or misguided; they are profoundly, mortally sick."
We are making ourselves sick. We consume and purchase, trying to fit the standard that must be the way to find a lifetime of happiness. The truth is that we will never find what we are looking for in that way; the only way we will find what we yearn for is to look within ourselves, listen to our voice, and take the steps to follow our own unique, authentic path back to ourselves.
On the advent on Eating Disorders Awareness Week, let's hear your voice!
Yesterday I found a raw, heartfelt blog post about what it is like to live with an eating disorder. I remember that through my own recovery process, one of the things that was most meaningful to me was reading the words of people who "got it". It seemed few and far between to find someone who truly understood the way I was feeling…mostly because of the mysterious and hidden nature of eating disorders themselves. We hesitate to expose them, despite the fact that millions of people do understand what we are feeling. Today, I utilize an empathic approach to my therapeutic philosophy as much as is helpful for my clients. I want them to know that I get it, because I do.
Reading the blog post yesterday, titled Eating Disorders and the Fear of the Ordinary , I was instantaneously drawn to the writer's reality. She wrote about something she called "the impostor syndrome: the gnawing fear that you don't really belong there, that you don't have what it takes, that you somehow slipped through the cracks in the admissions process and are actually an intellectual embarrassment, an incompetent fraud who knows jack-all about anything — and that sooner or later, like the Wizard of Oz, you will be found out and exposed for the humbug you really are."
I reflected on my own journey. Did I feel like an impostor? Certainly I did, trying to fit in with crowds of people who did not accept me, trying to mold myself into something I wasn't in hopes that I would be accepted. The most significant way that I was an imposter was in relating to my own self. I was not living within my own skin, my own body; I was detached from the neck down. I couldn't believe that the body I had was mine, and for many years, I didn't want it to be mine. Now I know that it was not about my body at all, but about accepting myself for who I was, inside and out. Accepting my sensitive nature, accepting that I had a streak of perfectionism in me that would always peek through.
The author talks about feeling as if we are impostors who "are horribly afraid that somewhere along the line somebody will figure this out. We are convinced in the teeth of the evidence that there is something fundamentally flawed about us, something that needs fixing and yet is unfixable." This can lead to hurting ourselves through destructive behaviors and feeling as if we are different from everyone else. This would-be self-absorption makes us feel different, special, unique. This feeling, she says, is "miserable, but also seductive." Thus one of the reasons that eating disorders are so difficult to recover from: we must realize that we are not so different from others, that we belong, and that we are deserve the same self-confidence that others do. But that is also, in the author's vein, ordinary.
The author also points out that when struggling with an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia or binge eating disorder, one may feel very alone and separate, but
"what's so funny about this whole self-fulfilling prophecy is that we aren't really alone, and our methods aren't really as terribly original as we'd like to think they are. The statistics don't lie: there are eight million [reported] eating disorder sufferers strong in this country alone, each and every one of us absolutely convinced that we are unlike all the others, that we are somehow Extraordinary."
What are we trying to achieve by being extraordinary? Do we want to be noticed? loved?
I encourage you to read the entire post, and to reflect upon how it relates to you or to someone you love who has struggled with an eating disorder. The final words are written as if from my own mouth: "I'm not extraordinary, and I've nearly killed myself trying to be — but what I am is perfectly imperfect. That's what I have to offer this world — and that's fine by me."
Everywhere you look, there's an advertisement to help you lose weight — especially this time of year! Celebrities talk about fasting for days before an awards show and commenting on how "AMAZING their body looks after losing all of that baby weight!!". As if that is the most important thing in the world. Why is everyone so afraid of fat? We are conditioned to believe that the thinner we are, the happier, the more successful, the richer, and the more popular we will be. We will have it all. But what about already having "it all" — no matter how we look? This perspective is revolutionary in mainstream Westernized culture, and quite controversial at times, pushing against such rigidity about what we "should" look like and "should" do. Tell me this: does thinness REALLY cause happiness?
I was curious about this question so I asked a few of my acquaintances who are affected by this social pressure. After thinking for a moment, my subject said: "well, yes, it will make me happier because it will give me more self-confidence." I asked another colleague the same question and she said: "no, thinness will not make me happier because my body is balanced at its natural set point; no matter how much I could starve myself or workout, my body will always look this way. If I decided that I needed to be thin to be happy, and my body was not where I wanted it to be, I would be choosing to make myself miserable." In both of these perspectives, I gleamed a similar theme: confidence in our selves could influence happiness. Many of us look for happiness by changing the way we look, feeling as if that is something we can control. And we can, to a certain degree. But if we are choosing to control how we look and doing so in a way that is not focusing on health and wellness of our bodies as well as our minds, this can lead down a dangerous path to eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder.
I am a huge fan of the philosophy of the Health at Every Size organization (HAES), whose mission "is based on the simple premise that the best way to improve health is to honor your body. It supports people in adopting health habits for the sake of health and well-being (rather than weight control). Health at Every Size encourages:
Already over 3600 people have signed the HAES pledge to honor and respect their bodies. Imagine what our world could be like if we chose to love and accept our bodies instead of abuse and control them?
We cannot talk about the fat stigma in the US without discussing the growing problem of obesity in our country. Statistics show that nearly one third of adults in the US (33.8%) are obese. The same HAES principles can be applied to those who are obese as can be applied to any other person: if we choose health and wellness, meaning giving our bodies nutritious and delicious foods and eating in a manner that is mindful and pleasurable, exercising so that our muscles can be strong and active, and finding joy in the beauty of our bodies, then we might have healthier connections to our bodies. What about embracing terms like health and wellness instead of fat or skinny?
A post from the "Dances with Fat" blog written in response to Paula Deen's recent admission that she has type two Diabetes and those who are criticizing her states:
"Public health does not mean public thinness. It also doesn't mean being a judgmental busybody who shames or stigmatizes people who don't look or act like you think they should. Being for public health means that you are for people having access to the foods that they choose to eat, safe movement options that they enjoy, and affordable evidence-based medical care."
There is a movement that has formed to push against the our society's fear of fat. We each have our own experiences and opinions about this topic, as it is very close to our hearts and our daily lives. I invite you to leave a comment, raise your voice, as we need more dialogue to shut out the noise of unhealthy eating and mindsets about food!
The holidays are a time of togetherness for family and friends. They bring a certain warmth of sharing love and memories, often coupled with catching up with loved ones who have been away for some time. The holiday season is also filled with food, drinks, and more food — another way that families show and share love. What if you start to notice behaviors with a loved one that are abnormal or self-destructive? I recently read an article by the Huffington Post entitled Parents are the First Line of Defense Against Eating Disorders in College Freshmen. This article gives helpful tips for noticeable signs that your college freshman may have developed an eating disorder after their first semester away from home.
Going away to college can be a perfect storm for eating disorder development: the child's first taste of freedom and choice, the endless array of dorm food and late night pizza runs, the desire to fit in with new friends through food, drinking, and overindulgence. In the article, some of the signs are noted as: a noticeable weight loss, a withdrawal from family and friends, and over-concern with meal preparation, discussing that college is very stressful or anxiety-producing, and excessive exercise. While one or two of these symptoms might not necessarily mean that an eating disorder is present, these can be signs to keep in mind and notice if they intensify or inhibit the student's life.
So, say you are concerned about a loved one's behavior and mood changes and worry that he or she might be developing an eating disorder? How do you approach them so that the disorder doesn't get worse and he or she might seek out help? This is a very tricky and touchy area, as eating disorders such as bulimia and binge eating disorder are plagued with feelings of guilt and shame and often are kept in a place of denial. Anorexia nervosa is also difficult to approach due to the rigidly-controlling and overwhelming feelings that this disorder might inflict on the loved one.
Here are a few tips for trying to show you care about a loved one who might have an eating disorder or body image struggles; I found many helpful hints in the book Good Girls Don't Get Fat by Robyn J.A. Silverman, PhD which is a very powerful book about "how weight obsession is messing up our girls and how we can help them thrive despite it".
1.) Your teenage daughter stands in front of the mirror and says she is 'ugly and fat', pointing out the flaws in her thighs and waist. What do you say? "I think you have a beautiful body. Think of all of the amazing things that it does for you: ride your bike, play soccer, dance, run, jump. When I look at your body I see a body that is open to a whole world of exciting possibilities." Try to re-direct the focus away from negative thoughts about the body towards positive, accepting, and hopeful thoughts about the amazing capabilities of our bodies.
2.) Do you notice your daughter or son starting to control food and avoid certain types of food due to potential weight gain? What can you do? Model for him or her a positive relationship with food and your body. Try out many types of foods and express how delicious they taste. Love food for the energy it provides, for the way that it makes your body feel. Be adventurous, be brave. Treat your body with kindness by exercising, eating intuitively, and not worrying about how much or what type of food you are eating. Your children will notice this body-acceptance and hopefully adopt it themselves.
3.) You are a father and are noticing your daughter comparing herself to others, not 'measuring up', and starting to refuse food so as to lose weight. What do you do? Compliment her for things about her that are amazing and are not tied to appearance or weight. Help her see her strengths in writing, sports, or theatre without using the way she looks as a defining component. Tell her she is beautiful and remind her of this often. Model a safe, secure, and loving environment so that she can feel okay to be just who she is.
4.) Your daughter does not make the volleyball team, feeling excluded and 'not good enough'. She begins to isolate herself and work out in her room for several hours a day in order to 'get in better shape'. What do you do? Perhaps you had an experience in school where you felt rejected or that you didn't measure up to the standard. Share that experience with your child, show her that it is a normal, if painful, growing up experience, and that she thrives in many other areas. Help her understand how you got through that experience, what you learned from it, and that you are always there to talk with her. Help her to channel that energy into self-esteem building ways, such as joining a yoga class or volunteering at an animal shelter.
5.) You notice large quantities of food disappearing and that your partner has little energy, significant mood swings, and wants to be alone a lot. What do you do? Don't confront her right away, but try to spend more time with her where food is involved: cook together, eat together, and talk without distraction (like tv or computer) while sharing a meal. Don't criticize her food choices or amounts. Show her that you care but offering to spend time doing her favorites activities. If she is isolating, invite her to watch your favorite television show together. Create a positive, safe, and nurturing environment and model healthy eating habits to her. Offer yourself as someone she can talk to and not be judged. She will do so when she is ready. Also secure support for yourself: go to therapy, talk with loved ones, do research.
Struggling with an eating disorder or body image issues is devastating for the loved one as well as her family and friends. The more that this is talked about and normalized, the less hidden and shaming it will be. There is always hope, and there is always a time and space for recovery.
Women in today's society are sent message after message about how they should look. What generous gifts these messages are! According to Western society, women "should" be not too tall, have tanned, unblemished skin or perfectly alabaster skin, shiny modern hair, and of course, you can never be skinny enough. When a woman becomes pregnant, an event that is the most natural and beautiful process a woman can embody, the messages she is sent about her looks are intensified: you can't gain more than xxx amount of weight! You must wear pregnancy-flattering clothes! You must not 'let yourself go' (my favorite)! When is a woman just allowed to be? Allowed to experience the magic of another person growing inside of her without being told she needs to "do this and be that" for the whole nine months? There also appear to be rules that change when a woman gets pregnant — I have had several pregnant friends lament about the way complete strangers come up to them and put their hands on their belly. Would anyone do that to you if you weren't pregnant?
I was recently introduced to the site The Shape of a Mother, which is an inspirational, and amazingly real forum where new mothers "of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I think it would be nothing short of amazing if a few of our hearts are healed, or if we begin to cherish our new bodies which have done so much for the human race. What if the next generation grows up knowing how normal our bodies are?". The intent of this site's creator is to throw away the shame that be felt when a new mother is not comfortable in her new body — often due to the influence of society's messages. When actresses and celebrities are "losing the baby weight" within a few weeks of having a child, it's difficult to not feel insecure about your own post-baby body. But this is not Hollywood, and this site is a safe place for women of all backgrounds to share their stories.
The site is filled with photos of "real bodies", adjusting to life after giving birth. These pictures might shed light on parts of the body that would normally be hidden by clothes out of shame or embarrassment. Here, they are proudly expressed, openly celebrated, and joyfully worshipped. Women of all ages share their stories — not only of body insecurities and observations, but of what their pregnancy and birth experience was like. Women share photos of their children, their bodies, their families. They emphasize what is most important to them: health, family, love. Some share about wanting to hide their post-pregnancy belly or stretch marks, and with encouragement from other new moms, these women find support for being thankful for the gifts they have received from their experience.
One new mom shares: "The only message I have from this post is to love your body, not matter what size and shape.I realized how much time I wasted on wishing I was thinner. Because when I look back, I dont think about how much I hated the way I looked, I think about how my daughter has grown and how smart she has become and how beautiful she is growing up to be. Be your own kind of beautiful, because we are all beautiful!"
The Shape of a Mother is a light amidst a swirling and menacing hurricane. The honesty shared here is hard to find; society doesn't talk much about the reality of accepting a post-baby body. I am inspired by these women and know that this website is a wonderful resource for women who are thinking about getting pregnant, who are pregnant, or who are adjusting to life as a new mother.