text:
Erdan vows to vote against budget if police not boosted
US committed to maintaining Israel's 'military edge' in light of Iran deal
Make 'racist' Lehava illegal, says MK
Smotrich: LGBT community attacks, slanders anyone who thinks differently from them
The Yes Men are still fixing the world
Israeli archaeologists uncover city gate in Goliath's hometown
'No truth in claim that Walt Disney was an anti-Semite'
SUEDE Menora Mivtachim Arena, Tel Aviv July 30
Ashdod's preseason soccer match in Bulgaria turns ugly
Israeli swimmer Toumarkin shows promising form in Kazan
WATCH: Violent Bulgarian fans chase Israeli soccer team off the field
Israelis grab 61 medals at Special Olympics in LA
Zionist Union MK demands council to oversee dismantling of Israel Broadcasting Authority
Israeli Arab radio host Jalal Ayoub: Arab society is frustrated, divided
Jewish and Muslim religious leaders visits members of Dawabsha family in hospital
Palestinian Authority presents file documenting 'settler terrorism' to ICC prosecutor
Al-Aksa 'blood libel' preacher who said Jews masterminded 9/11 arrested
Palestinian arrested with ax in West Bank, claims he held weapon for self-defense
Tibi to 'Post': There is great anger and rage, could be right before an explosion
Trump campaign fires Jewish adviser over racist Facebook posts
US Jewish groups call on Israel to rein in its Jewish extremists
IFCJ expands new aliya program beyond Ukraine
UK Jews challenge 'biased' educational programming
UK Jewish community expresses relief as High Court orders end to invasive autopsies
Obama to speak to Jewish leaders in first post-Iran deal meeting
Iran rejects cooperation with US in fight against ISIS
In diplomatic outreach, Kerry seeks to convince Gulf Arabs on Iran deal
Is Iran accord tearing US Jewry apart?
Syrian-Kurd intellectual to Post: 'US and Israel need to stop Turkish attacks in Syria now'
Nusra Front abducts US-backed rebel leader, blunts efforts against ISIS
Iraqi militia leader says US not serious about fighting Islamic State
Canadian-Israeli anti-ISIS fighter: If we don't fight them there, they'll come here
Terrorist Kuntar reportedly killed trying to enlist Druse support for Assad, Hezbollah
Russian FM meets Hamas chief, invites him to Moscow
TAU research offers new hope for breakthrough in melanoma care
Hebron teen saved by Rambam's ECMO machine after suffering crush injury
Proportion of contract workers in Israel similar to other developed countries, study shows
Leumit health fund 'caps' salaries of independent physicians
Haifa to expand air quality monitoring program
Israel's largest solar field begins flowing to the national grid
Hydrocarbons found in second wells at Golan Heights oil project
Establish commission to examine water flow to Jordan, MK says
Global hi-tech firm opens new office in Jerusalem with haredi staff
Mark Zuckerberg: Virtual reality is Facebook's next frontier
Budget deal to give NIS 18,000 'piggy bank' to 18-year-olds
Tech talk: Cybereason takes on Operation Kofer
Kahlon's budget draft envisions first debt increase since 2009
Kahlon's reform-filled budget to see first debt increase since 2009
Air France wipes Israel off of the map...literally
IN PHOTOS: The colors of the Holocaust
Mazel Tov! Mark Zuckerberg and his wife are expecting first child
Just a thought: On the emergence of Judaism
Parshat Va'Et'Hanan:Righteous living is the remedy
Jerusalem Post Editorial: Honoring Shira
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Letters to the Editor: Handling terror
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Take two tablets!~
Sin Offering
Lincoln and the Jews
Portrait of an assassin's wife
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An American-Jewish idiom
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The path to aliya- Indian style
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A historic win, but no slam dunk
Art is for everyone, everywhere
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Letters to a Lost Soldier - The USS Indianapolis, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, August, 1945
Mark Kirk..still Mark Kirk
Who's in favor of a Middle East peace conference?
Certain Illnesses
Australian Legislators and Political Advisors Visit Gaza Border Communities
New Campsite for Youth Dedicated in Maginim Forest
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Eucalyptus Park in Beit Shean Inaugurated
Chinese Delegation Tours Negev Agriculture and Forestry
Italy's National Day at EXPO 2015
The Ambassadors' Club of Israel Tours the Galilee with KKL-JNF
The International Solidarity Mission Says Goodbye in Jerusalem
KKL-JNF Global Landscapes Seminar at Expo 2015
New Bio-filters Purify Surface Runoff Water for Reuse
Future Tour Guides Discover the Negev with KKL-JNF
The Shamir Drilling Project
$100 Million JNF Boruchin Israel Education Advocacy Center Opens
JNF Canada Pays Tribute to the Honourable John Baird
From Sunny Israel to Cold Canada
Walking for Water with KKL France in the Mountains of Eilat
Renewable Energies for the Future in the Arava
LDA Conference: Science and Technology for Forests
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02/27/2013 07:30
Forked tongues
In the westerns that I saw as a kid, at a cost of $0.25 on Saturday afternoons, the meaning of "speaking with forked tongues" was clear. White man lied to the Indian.
The Hebrew equivalent is כפל לשון (keffel lashon), double tongue.
The Palestinian leadership is speaking in כפל לשון. They are inciting their people to demonstrate/riot, and claiming that it is not they who are arousing the population.
According to Mahmoud Abbas, it is Israel that wants chaos in the West. Bank, and the Palestinians will not allow it.
The Palestinian physician who attended the autopsy of the prisoner who died suddenly announced that he had been tortured to death, even though a formal report is still waiting laboratory tests. Mahmoud Abbas, in his message of sympathy to the family, said that the prisoner died from abuse and a lack of appropriate medical attention.
It is not the Palestinian leadership who is promoting demonstrations, according to what we hear from Ramallah, but the population''s frustration at continued Israeli occupation, a lack of Israeli responses to Palestinian needs, and the failure to improve the lot of security prisoners and to release them wholesale.
Such claims come along with denials that the demonstrations have anything to do with Barack Obama''s visit to the region.
One of the Fatah factions seeking the freedom of Palestine from Gaza joined the party by sending a missile toward Ashkelon. It was the first to reach Israel since the dust up of November. It damaged a roadway and brought a warning of retaliation from no less than Israel''s Peace Advocate in Chief, President Shimon Peres.
Israel is not innocent of כפל לשון. Tsipi Livni has joined Benyamin Netanyahu''s new government, she with a certainty that she can produce a breakthrough with the Palestinians, and he with an insistence that negotiations cannot succeed without the Palestinians agreeing to things that they have already rejected.
With reference to what is happening just to the northeast of here, US Secretary of State John Kerry has said, "We are determined that the Syrian opposition is not going to be dangling in the wind wondering where the support is or if it's coming."
The Syrian rebels should take account of what John Foster Dulles said at his confirmation hearings about the "liberation of captive peoples" living under communist rule, and what the US actually did when the Soviet tanks entered Budapest.
כפל לשון is the language of politics.
A lot has been written about dissimulation in politics. That''s a polite word for כפל לשון. Individuals who aspire to lead nations, political parties, or even smaller entities have to win support from contentious constituencies.
Palestinians may be an extreme example, with religious and nationalist fanatics, some of them willing to commit suicide for their cause, alongside those who aspire to live in peace and with as much prosperity as they can attain, and are willing to do so alongside Israel.
Israeli politicians contend with a smaller proportion of fanatics inclined to violence. Suicide for the sake of Israel is not part of the vocabulary. Yet there is a wide range of views nationally and within the larger parties about what is appropriate in regard to Palestine, as well as disagreements about domestic economic and social issues.
Americans are familiar with their own conflicts, some of which derive from responsibilities acquired since World War II for extensive international involvement, along with no end of disputes about domestic matters that bubble up to frequent crises involving White House and Congress.
All should act at their peril on the basis of what is said.
Those who wish to interpret proclamations like those now heard from Palestinians that fan protest and claim to be not fanning protest should take account of a population that has shown itself to be inclined to mass excitement and violence.
Actions are more important than words, but should also be viewed with care. Are the latest actions the most reliable? What if they run counter to what has been done over the long haul?
Israelis and Palestinians each have reasons to distrust the other. Moreover, both should view with suspicion all outsiders who offer help. A great deal of the money promised to Palestine from Muslim governments has not come. For those believing American pledges that Iran will not be allowed to develop nuclear weapons, it is time to pass the salt.
Currently the assessment of Palestinian unrest is that it is moderate and manageable. Israeli commentators tend to agree that it is the product of incitement, that various sectors in the Palestinian community are more or less prominent in the incitement, and that some are trying to manage a delicate balance between demonstrating Palestinian needs prior to Obama''s visit, but keeping a lid on violence so as not to discourage the American President from helping Palestine.
Neither Israelis nor Palestinians have reason to expect the other to act differently than its established pattern in any negotiations, assuming they can get over the hurdles on the way to them.
There are no changes in the air I am breathing, which is often tainted by a burning tire across the valley.
If the intention of those burning the tires is to threaten Israelis with air pollution, they should have learned that God is on our side. The wind is almost always from the west, so it is Palestinians who get the stink and sore eyes. Israelis see the ugliness of thick black smoke rising from one of the nearby Palestinian neighborhoods, and drifting over other Palestinian neighborhoods.
The bottom line is that we are stuck with one another, reinforced by distrust anchored in the comments from this morning and several decades of action. Palestinians may hope for salvation from the UN, the European Community, the White House, or Human Rights Watch. However, all the good words from those sources harm Palestine, by encouraging the Palestinians that they do not have to make any concessions for the sake of peace, or begin convincing the people that they will not get all that has been promised over the course of 60 years.
Israelis should not expect salvation from any source. We should continue to cope, currently with a perception that Arab chaos (including that among the Palestinians) is on our side, along with European and American preoccupations with their own economic and political issues.
We can''t solve this. There is no sign that Palestinians are willing to accept decent offers Israelis are willing to make. Our own politics and morality, and our dependence on European and American good will keep us from acting so firmly against the Palestinians that the vast majority of them will leave the West Bank, Gaza, or areas within Israel.
We can expect Obama to come, unless there is a significant escalation in Palestinian violence, but maybe without an Israeli government in place.
No doubt he will speak well. There isn''t much by way of tangible expectations.
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text:
Cardiff City
|David Marshall
|Kevin McNaughton
|Gabor Gyepes
|Anthony Gerrard
|Mark Kennedy
|Peter Whittingham
|Stephen McPhail (Solomon Taiwo, 77)
|Chris Burke
|Darcy Blake (Aaron Wildig, 21)
|Michael Chopra
|Jay Bothroyd (Warren Feeney, 90)
Peterborough United
|Joe Lewis
|Tom Williams (Josh Simpson, 82)
|Craig Morgan
|Ryan Bennett
|Lee Frecklington
|Tommy Rowe
|Chris Whelpdale
|Jake Livermore
|Aaron Mclean
|George Boyd
|Craig Mackail-Smith (Kerrea Gilbert, 46)
Jay Bothroyd is replaced by Warren Feeney.
That's it, it's all over, the referee has blown the final whistle.
Tom Williams is replaced by Josh Simpson.
Goal!! Cardiff have scored with Anthony Gerrard putting it in the back of the net.
Stephen McPhail is replaced by Solomon Taiwo.
The second half is under way with the score currently at 1 v 0.
Peterborough are replacing Craig Mackail-Smith with Kerrea Gilbert.
Half time whistle is blown by A Penn
Goal!! Chris Burke scores for Cardiff.
Darcy Blake is being taken off, Aaron Wildig has come on in his place.
It's 7:45pm on Tuesday, February 9th, the match has kicked off.
Cardiff face Peterborough at 7:45pm on Tuesday, February 9th.
It seems that Manchester United are prepared to trigger the release clause of Barcelona forward Pedro with the player considered
Manchester United are looking to beat rivals Chelsea to the signing of Everton and England defender John Stones by offering
The transfer saga surrounding Karim Benzema looks set to continue with a rather cryptic image of the player on a
Big spending Manchester United are looking to bring in Lazio duo Felipe Anderson and Stefan De Vrij for a combined fee of £42.
Reports suggest that Manchester United target, Pedro has informed close friends and family that he will be joining the Red Devils this summer.
Manchester United have confirmed that the Barnsley midfielder Paul Digby is at Old Trafford for a trial ahead of a possible permanent deal.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Very nice I love it!
- Arsenal Star In Battle To Face Liverpool After Suffering Fresh Injury Blow
- Adidas Pushing For Deal As Man Utd Plot World Record Move For La Liga Attacker
- Arsenal Willing To Break Transfer Record To Sign Attacker Ahead Of Liverpool
- Arsenal Eye Audacious Move For Key Barcelona Midfielder
- Man Utd Boss Confirms He'll Buy Attacker & Responds To Reported Ronaldo Interest
- World Class Striker Drops Huge Hint Over Manchester United Move
[Video Goals] Brentford 2-2 Chelsea: Torres Rescues Blues From Cup Upset
Chelsea survived a scare after coming from behind twice to salvage a 2-2 draw against Brentford in the FA Cup fourth round on Sunday.
The hosts took the lead when Trotta fired home after Cech could only parry a long-range effort but the Blues drew level just after half time when Oscar found the top corner with a wonderful individual goal.
A shock looked to be on the cards when Brentford re-took the lead from the spot but with full time less than 10 minutes away, Torres stepped up to curl home a lovely right footed shot to force a replay. Watch the goals here:


text:
Teach Me to Pray
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A/N: Okay, so I'm pretty sure someone has written a parody for this movie before, but I haven't seen one so I'm doing it myself. If any of you know about other parodies I would love to read them :D
Also, I am aware that some of you are waiting for a sequel to Quiet Houses. I'm gonna write it, as soon as finals are over, I promise. I wasn't even going to write this, but it sort of came out of nowhere.
Star Trek: The Parody
We open in SPACE. There are some unidentified BEEPING NOISES and RADIO TRANSMISSIONS and we get a full view of a HUGE ASS SPACE SHIP. Along with all this come about a dozen lens flares, which we'd better get used to since they're not going to be leaving the screen for the rest of the movie. The ship is heading for a LIGHTING STORM in SPACE. The audience is please asked to suspend their disbelief for the next 122 minutes.
CAPTAIN ROBAU: *is the first of many impossibly beautiful people with hot accents in the movie* Oh hai! I'm Captain Robau and although I get all but five minutes of screen time I get my own fanbase. Envy my shiny, perfectly shaped head!
Suddenly THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM appears out of nowhere. HUGE ASS SPACE SHIP doesn't seem very huge now.
We catch a few glimpses of GEORGE KIRK, the second impossibly beautiful person in the movie. He will also get a decent sized fanbase despite little screen time. Is there anyone in this movie who doesn't have their own fanbase?
Anyways, shit is getting blown up and people are being killed left and right. Curious how a movie about a peaceful organization can't seem to go ten minutes without blowing someone to smithereens.
SPECIAL EFFECTS: Aren't we fabulous? So much better than the original series.
On the bridge the KELVIN is being hailed by the enemy ship, which is apparently full of hot, bald men. Star Trek seems to have kind of a boner for those. CAPTAIN ROBAU decides to do the heroic (read: idiotic) thing and go onboard the mysterious ship without any backup or weapons.
CAPTAIN ROBAU: Come here First Officer. Since I'm probably gonna die, you get to be captain. Congratulations… Mr. Kirk!
AUDIENCE: NO WAI! I so did not see that coming!
CAPTAIN ROBAU goes onboard the GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM, where he is escorted to the main bridge by some more hot, bald men covered in tribal tattoos and some lens flares. He meets with the first officer, also bald and hot, and their conversation goes something like this:
AYEL: *shows off the special effects some more* Hai, have you seen this ship?
CAPTAIN ROBAU: *ignores* Take me to your leader. Is that him? *points at a man lounging in the corner, obviously the leader. He has pointy stick of doom and everything*
AYEL: Yeah, no can do. You're talking to me.
CAPTAIN ROBAU: Dood, why are you attacking us? Totally uncalled for.
AYEL: *ignores* Okay, then have you seen Ambassador Spock? *more awesome special effects and look, it's Leonard Nimoy!*
AUDIENCE: Wait, I'm confused. Isn't Sylar supposed to be Spock in this movie?
CAPTAIN ROBAU: Wtf you on about? I've never heard of Ambassador Spock.
AYEL: What day is it?
CAPTAIN ROBAU: What are you, a time traveler or something? *tells him*
NERO: *upon hearing the date suddenly loses his shit and kills CAPTAIN ROBAU with his pointy stick of doom*
FEMALE AUDIENCE: NO! Why would you do that?
Cut back to the KELVIN…
GEORGE KIRK: Okay, shit, our captain is dead. Guess we'd better get out of here then.
He calls for ship wide evacuation and we cut to CAMERON- sorry, WINONA KIRK, sitting in a wheelchair and going through the most inconveniently timed labor ever. Thanks a lot, Jim.
Shit is still getting blown up and we get a heartfelt but short conversation between GEORGE and WINONA. GEORGE assures his wife that he will be on the shuttle with her and the more seasoned audience knows right away that GEORGE probably won't survive.
And what do you know, the ship's autopilot is on the fritz. Welp, nothing to do for GEORGE but stay in the ship and get blown up with it.
WINONA is on the shuttle and GEORGE gives orders to leave without them. WINONA and GEORGE have their tragic goodbyes while WINONA gives birth. The music gets sad and the audience gets teary eyed.
Then the baby is born and they predictably decide to name him JIM instead of TIBERIUS. GEORGE is blown up and the credits roll.
FEMALE AUDIENCE: Wtf? This is the second hot guy that dies within the first ten minutes!
Cut to IOWA. Some blond kid, who we can safely assume is JIM KIRK, is driving an old red car. The phone rings and we get a couple of lines from a guy who's either his uncle or stepfather before JIM hangs up on him and blasts some music that was conveniently recorded in the 20th century.
He is chased by ROBOCOP some and decides for some reason that the best course of action is to drive the car off a cliff a la Thelma and Louise, almost going down with it in the process.
JIM KIRK: Is there a problem officer? *has bigger balls as a kid than you'll ever have*
ROBOCOP: You just drove a car off a cliff, what do you think? Also, what's your name?
JIM KIRK: My name is James Tiberius Kirk… bitch.
Cut to VULCAN. We get a few gratuitous lens flares to make up for the lack of them in last scene.
We're inside a VULCAN SCHOOL, where each student gets their own hole in the ground so they don't need to interact with each other, ever. Later we will see why this is probably a good idea.
We focus on one hole in particular, where our favorite half Vulcan is studying. He is the most adorable thing you have ever seen and also freakishly smart.
After SPOCK's little study session he is approached by some ASSHOLE VULCAN CHILDREN, who go on to insult him and his family.
ASSHOLE VULCAN CHILD #1: You're a hybrid freak.
ASSHOLE VULCAN CHILD #2: You have human eyes and that's bad for some reason.
(Jesus Christ, those Vulcan's aren't particularly open minded, are they?)
ASSHOLE VULCAN CHILD #1: HAHA, I push you! *pushes Spock*. Also, your momma.
SPOCK loses his shit and proceeds to kick ASSHOLE VULCAN CHILD #1's ass. The audience has learned two things from this scene:
1. Don't insult Spock's mom.
2. On top of being the most adorable thing you've ever seen and freakishly smart, Spock is also a better fighter than you'll ever be. Feel that? That's your self-confidence being punched in the nads, over and over.
SPOCK'S DADDY, SAREK enters the scene.
SPOCK: They insulted you. That's a good motive, right?
SPOCK'S DADDY, SAREK: No it isn't. Keep your emotions under control! Be more Vulcan!
SPOCK: So you want me to be completely Vulcan? Then why did you marry a human, you asshole?
SPOCK'S DADDY, SAREK: It was logical.
SPOCK: So I'm not born out of love? Thanks dad.
SPOCK'S DADDY, SAREK: Also, although you are only like 10 you should decide right now how you want to live the rest of your life.
Cut to a few years later. SPOCK is all growned up and having a heartfelt scene with his mother, who looks to be about five years older than him. We will call her SPOCK'S MOMMA instead of AMANDA, since her only role in this movie is being emotional baggage for her son instead of a real character.
Also, SPOCK is wearing the fugliest sweater you will ever see. It is adorable.
SPOCK'S MOMMA: It's okay to be nervous.
SPOCK: I am Vulcan. I have no emotions.
SPOCK'S MOMMA: Okay, sure.
SPOCK: Hey, if I decide to take this ancient ritual and purge myself of all this emotion that I don't have, you won't think it's your fault, right?
SPOCK'S MOMMA: I'm your mother. Whatever you do I will blame myself or take credit for.
Cut to the Vulcan science academy, which looks strangely horizontal- no wait, the camera's just tilted. Spock is standing in front of what looks like a Vulcan council, still wearing his ugly ass sweater.
OLD VULCAN: Hey, I see here that you applied to Starfleet as well as our Academy. Were you not expecting to get in or something? That's totally ridiculous, because as has been proven in the past we Vulcans are in no way biased towards your human heritage or anything like that.
SPOCK: Whatevs, I just wanted to keep my options open.
OLD VULCAN: Okay, that's logical I guess. But not really necessary. Congrats btw on doing so well despite your disadvantage.
SPOCK: What disadvantage? Just because I have a human mother-
OLD VULCAN: Actually, I was talking about your horrible fashion sense, but sure, your mom's kind of dumb too.
SPOCK: Okay, are all Vulcans assholes? Screw this, I'm outta here.
OLD VULCAN: Bu-but, we're awesome!
SPOCK: Whatever. You can all die in a fire for all care. Or maybe get sucked into a black hole.
We're cut to another scene before Spock's awesomeness sets the camera on fire or something. Now we're back in Iowa, only now it's night.
UHURA walks into a bar while some music plays. She orders a lot of drinks and slips in a product placement while she's at it.
JIM KIRK: Wow, are you planning on passing out in an alleyway later tonight?
UHURA: Okay, just for that I'm ordering some more alcohol. For some reason.
JIM KIRK: I'll buy. That'll get me laid, right?
UHURA: Yeah, not gonna happen.
JIM flirts some more and falls completely flat on his face. Were this the original series he'd probably have taken her back to his bunk by now, but it isn't so instead we just get some more failed pick-up lines and a whole lot of lens flares.
UHURA assumes that JIM is dumb but is proven wrong. She even looks like she might fall for his charm for a minute there, but then they're interrupted by a burly cadet looking to pummel someone. And not in the good way either.
JIM KIRK: Beat it Cupcake, I'm trying to score.
THE BURLY CADET FROM NOW ON KNOWN AS CUPCAKE: Hey asshole, if you want to start something I've got four friends willing to back me up. What have you got?
JIM KIRK: Bigger balls than any of you put together?
That's apparently all needed to start a fight. Man, the male ego is fragile. CUPCAKE and his friends wail on JIM some, who puts up a very good fight despite being totally outnumbered. The audience is unimpressed though, and thinks that if Kirk were a real hero he should have been able to beat those FIVE GUYS THAT ARE MUCH BIGGER THAN HIM AND OH, ALSO TRAINED FIGHTERS.
This marks the first of many scenes in which JIM takes on much stronger opponents and gets his ass handed to him. Although incredibly smart, he doesn't have much of a survival instinct.
Anyways, JIM gets wailed on some more and manages to cop a feel while he's at it. Then CHRIS PIKE enters the scene, breaks up the fight and kicks everyone out of the bar. Being a Starship Captain apparently gives you authority over bars as well as any random citizens that may be there.
Cut to a little bit later. JIM and CHRIS are sitting together by a table, JIM looking deliciously beat u- I mean, horribly wailed on and not attractive at all. Yeah.
CHRIS PIKE: I couldn't believe it when the bartender told me who you were.
JIM KIRK: Uhu, and who am I?
CHRIS PIKE: Your father's son.
JIM KIRK: Thank you Captain Obvious.
CHRIS PIKE: It's Captain Pike. Anyways, I totally used to bang your dad.
JIM KIRK: What?
CHRIS PIKE: I mean, I wrote an essay about him once. He was pretty okay. Also, he never believed in no-win scenarios. It was like, his only defining characteristic.
JIM KIRK: So the universe went out of its way to prove him wrong?
CHRIS PIKE: Well, it wasn't really a no-win scenario. You survived didn't you? And your mom, that boyfriend-stealing hussy…
JIM KIRK: What?
CHRIS PIKE: Ahem, anyway. Wanna join Starfleet? Or, you know, you could rot away here in the middle of nowhere and probably land yourself in prison before you're 30.
JIM KIRK: Thanks for the confidence man.
CHRIS PIKE: Come on. You could be a Captain, have your own ship and everything.
JIM KIRK: Whatever.
CHRIS PIKE: Look, just enlist would you? I double-dare you.
JIM KIRK: Well, if it's a dare…
CHRIS leaves JIM by himself to consider his offer. Cut to the following morning where JIM is riding his motorcycle, looking wistful and totally dreamy in that leather jacket, yum. He stops in front of a greenscreen effect- I mean, a shipyard, and decides what the hell, I've got nothing better to do.
He gives his motorcycle to the next random guy he sees and then goes on board a shuttle, needing no clearance whatsoever.
On his way in he realizes he hasn't gotten hurt in almost three minutes and decides to bang his head against a metal rod.
JIM sits down and flirts with UHURA some more once he sees her, who doesn't seem to be entirely against it. She even gives a little laugh.
Suddenly there's some commotion and hey look at that, it's BONES! Funny that he should be in Iowa, considering that he lives in Georgia. This is never explained. Anyways, he's being neurotic and loud about it, before a tiny little woman puts him in his place and orders him to sit down. He sits down next to JIM who doesn't look very thrilled about it.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: *is deliciously scruffy and ruggedly handsome* I may throw up on you.
JIM KIRK: Okaay… someone wanna trade seats?
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: *is morbid and terrifying* Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.
(FYI, BONES just took the number one spot for the most quotable character in the movie)
JIM KIRK: So why are you joining Starfleet?
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Divorce is an ugly thing. Also, something about bones.
This is as close as we get to a nickname justification.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Want some booze?
JIM KIRK: I think this is a beginning of a beautiful friendship.
It is.
Cut to three years later. THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM is still galloping around the universe, and you'd think it would be out of gas by now, but whatevs.
Some random Romulan tells NERO it's time, whatever that means.
Suddenly a black hole appears and a TOTALLY COOL SPACESHIP WITH A COMPLETELY NONSENSICAL NAME AND WHO THE FUCK NAMES A SPACESHIP 'JELLYFISH' ANYWAY, IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE A JELLYFISH flies out of it.
NERO: Hai SPOCK!
Well, Leonard Nimoy was only paid for like fifteen minutes of screen time, so we cut back to STARFLEET ACADEMY, where JIM and BONES are looking brain-meltingly hot in their red little uniforms.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: I'm still totally cranky.
JIM KIRK: And I'm a total womanizer. Also, I'm taking the test again.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Again? Jesus Christ, it's like watching a bird bang itself against the window over and over. You just don't learn, do you?
JIM KIRK: Whatevs, you gonna be there?
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: It's getting pretty painful to watch you make an idiot of yourself. But okay, I guess. Even though you are an idiot… you idiot.
This truly is a beautiful friendship.
JIM KIRK: I'm gonna go study some xenobiology.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Yeah, sure, study my ass.
JIM KIRK: Okay!
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: What?
JIM KIRK: Uh... I mean yay, boobs!
Cut to JIM KIRK making out with some green lady while sexy music plays. Oh, and he's practically naked. Thank you J.J.!
GREEN LADY: I think I love you.
JIM KIRK: Really? That's weird.
(This joke gets less funny and more depressing every time you hear it. It also says a lot about Jim's self confidence, which I would love to get into but won't since this is a parody and meant to be funny)
GREEN LADY: *turns on the lights, giving the audience a better look at nekkid!Jim. She is the real hero of the movie* What kind of a reaction is that?
JIM KIRK: Uuuh…
He is saved by the arrival of GREEN LADY'S roommate. GREEN LADY shoves JIM under the bed, since her roommate is getting pretty sick of her bringing guys back to the room. Also, the roommate turns out to be UHURA.
UHURA: *enters the room and immediately starts stripping, not at all suspicious by GREEN LADY'S nakedness or the fact that sex music is playing*
She mentions some things relevant to the plot. And apparently she has super hearing on top of her linguistic skills, since she can hear JIM breathe from under the bed. JIM is properly impressed by this.
UHURA: You.
She looks completely annoyed, so apparently JIM has done something to seriously piss her off in the past three years.
JIM KIRK: Oh hai, I was just leaving. Bye Gaila!
Okay, so GREEN LADY has a name. Good thing, since calling her GREEN LADY was starting to make me feel kind of racist.
JIM tries to suck up to UHURA some so he won't get kicked out to the hallway in his underwear, and drops the fact that he still doesn't have UHURA'S first name. At least he won't have to wait forty years for it like the Star Trek fandom.
Cut to the KOBIYASHI MARU test, where JIM is being cocky and surprisingly relaxed about the whole thing. He is also eating an apple, a sexy, sexy reference to the awesomeness that is Wrath of Khan. Then the simulation suddenly shuts down for a moment and when it's back online, it's beatable. Would you look at that!
RANDOM INSTRUCTOR: Okay, wtf just happened?
SPOCK: I do not know, but I am aroused. I mean, my suspicion is aroused.
Cut to a Court Martial, where SPOCK is suing KIRK or something, for passing his unbeatable test.
ADMIRAL JAMES KOMACK: Do you have anything to say for yourself young man?
JIM KIRK: Yeah, who the hell is accusing me of cheating? It's called thinking outside the box.
ADMIRAL JAMES KOMACK: Get up here Spock.
SPOCK stands up.
JIM KIRK: Hot damn, can I take my punishment from him?
SPOCK: Maybe later.
JIM KIRK: So what'd I do?
SPOCK: You cheated.
JIM KIRK: No I didn't. You cheated first.
SPOCK: You so did. And furthermore, your dad.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Oh no he didn't!
JIM KIRK: Okay, that was uncalled for.
Before their cat fight can continue, the plot arrives! It's a distress call from VULCAN and since the primary fleet is conveniently way over on the other side of the galaxy the admiral decides it'll be a good idea to send a bunch of inexperienced cadets instead.
JIM KIRK: Okay, who was that pointy-eared bastard?
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: I don't know, but I like him.
Not that he has any reason to, since said pointy-eared bastard just persecuted his best friend, but it's funny enough in an ironic kind of way that the audience lets it slip.
Everyone's being assigned to their ships but oh noes! JIM'S name isn't called. Turns out he's grounded for being a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater. JIM, in a rare moment of maturity, decides to do as he's told. MCCOY then proceeds to ruin the moment by taking him on board the Enterprise anyway.
Meanwhile, UHURA is assigned to the Farragut and isn't particularly happy about it.
UHURA: Hey, SPOCK! What's the deal? I wanna be on the Enterprise!
SPOCK: But favoritism-
UHURA: Enterprise.
SPOCK: Yeah, okay, my mistake.
AUDIENCE: Whipped!
Cut back to JIM and BONES.
JIM KIRK: Okay, what are you doing?
BONES stabs him in the neck with some alien virus.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: I'm getting you onboard the Enterprise. You can thank me later.
JIM KIRK: Why the hell do I keep getting wailed on?
They try to get on board a shuttle, but the Guard is all 'lol, nowai, Kirk's not allowed' and BONES is all 'I'm his doctor, and also, he'll cry if you don't let him on board' so they get to go.
We get some nice shots of the shuttles flying and oh hai, it's the lens flares! Haven't seen those in a while. By which I mean five minutes.
JIM KIRK: I may throw up on you.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Stop stealing my lines and look!
They look out the window, where the audience gets their first look at the shiny new reboot!Enterprise. JIM and BONES are understandably impressed.
SPECIAL EFFECTS: Blow us, sixties.
Inside the Enterprise is all shiny, white and sadly lacking the bright red colors of the original Enterprise, but still pretty cool I guess. And look, it's SULU!
HIKARU SULU: *pushes some buttons and pulls some levers* We're ready to go.
CHRIS PIKE: Sweet. Punch it.
SULU does. Nothing happens.
CHRIS PIKE: Dude, do you even know what you're doing?
HIKARU SULU: Sure I do. I'll figure out what's wrong, I just-
SPOCK: *cuts in and tells him what's wrong*
Oh yeah, he's going to be fun to work under.
The ship takes off and we cut to Sickbay, where JIM has had a wardrobe change. He also flirts with a nurse passing by, just in case we forgot what a womanizer he is.
BONES is a sadist and stabs him some more and JIM passes out.
Cut back to the bridge and there's CHEKOV, looking way too young to be there but still not as young as he's supposed to be. Also, know what I said about wee little SPOCK being the most adorable thing you'll ever see? Yeah, CHEKOV'S curly little head is about ten times as adorable and he's also got a horrible fake Russian accent to go with it.
We make some fun of CHEKOV'S accent and then he mentions a LIGHTING STORM in SPACE. Whatever could that mean?
Unfortunately Jim seems to be the only person who remembers that lighting storms in space=bad, but he is busy being hilariously injured. Well screw that, he's off to find UHURA anyway. Also, his hands blow up for some reason. It's pretty hilarious.
Cut to VULCAN, where THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM is shooting some sort of laser at the planet. The whole scene looks like the cover of a hard metal album. Or, y'know, a sci-fi film.
And back to the Enterprise, where JIM is trying to talk some sense into the rest of the crew.
JIM KIRK: That natural disaster Vulcan's experiencing? Yeah, that's not a natural disaster, that's Romulans.
CHRIS PIKE: Jim, stop being an attention whore and go lie down or something.
JIM KIRK: But-
SPOCK: *is prissy* What is he doing here anyway?
JIM KIRK: Look, I'll flirt with you later but right now I've gotta safe your sorry asses.
He proceeds to explain the plot to them and the audience.
SPOCK: His logic as sound as his ass is hot. *a beat* Also, something flattering about UHURA since she's supposed to be my love interest I guess.
CHRIS PIKE: Okay, fine, we'll do what the suspended cadet tells us to. Let's see if there's any Romulans near Vulcan.
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Uh, I can't really tell the difference between Romulan and Vulcan…
CHRIS PIKE: How did you get this job? Fine, you, the 20-something year old cadet, can you do his job better?
UHURA: Totally. *Proceeds to do so*
They finally arrive at VULCAN, and what do you know, it's being attacked by Romulans. They spot THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM and are understandably freaked. The two ships exchange torpedoes, shit gets blown up and then NERO realizes what ship he's shooting at.
NERO: Hey, it's the Enterprise. Sweet. Hail it.
They do so.
CHRIS PIKE: Hey, I'm Christopher Pike, who the hell are you?
NERO: Well, hello Christopher. I'm Nero. What's your sign baby?
CHRIS PIKE: …uh, I'm just gonna ignore that. You're declaring war against the Federation by attacking VULCAN, maybe you could explain that?
NERO: Lol, whatever. Hai Spock!
SPOCK: …do we know each other?
NERO: Not yet, but we will.
SPOCK: Was that a come-on?
NERO: No, I just talk this way to everybody. Also, Christopher would you mind so terribly to come on board by yourself for some… negotiations?
CHRIS PIKE: I'd really rather not.
NERO: Fine, then we'll blow you up.
CHRIS PIKE: You don't handle rejection very well, do you?
NERO: No I do not.
CHRIS decides to go on board THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM, since is worked so well for CAPTAIN ROBAU last time. JIM and SPOCK think this is a bad idea for some reason. This is one of the only times in the movie they agree on something.
CHRIS PIKE: Whatevs, I'm going anyway. SPOCK, come with me. SULU and KIRK too, I'm sending you guys on a suicide mission. CHEKOV, you have the conn.
SPOCK: Isn't it kind of a bad idea to leave the ship in the hands of a teenager right now?
CHRIS PIKE: My ship, my rules.
Meanwhile, on board THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM there is some plot development going on. Apparently the Romulans have Red Matter, whatever that is, and are going to use it for nefarious purposes. We know this because the music in this movie is only marginally more subtle than it was in the sixties (man, I miss the DUN DUN DUN they used so frequently in TOS. How else are you supposed to know that something dramatic just happened?)
And back on board the Enterprise CHRIS PIKE is ordering JIM, SULU and a RANDOM REDSHIRT to spacejump onto the spacedrill and spacedestroy it.... in space.
JIM KIRK: Yeah, this can in no way end badly. Especially not for him *points at redshirt*
CHRIS PIKE: Oh and Spock, you're Captain and Kirk, you're First Officer.
SPOCK: Haha, very funny.
CHRIS PIKE: Not a joke. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll make a great team. You have the sexual tension for it.
SPOCK AND JIM KIRK: What?
CHRIS PIKE: I mean, be careful with my ship Spock, she's brand new.
SPOCK goes back to the bridge and makes MCCOY COM, since the other COM up and died. MCCOY is sarcastic and calm despite shit being blown up left and right around him.
FANGIRLS: Marry me you snarky bastard!
Meanwhile, PIKE is getting ready to go onboard THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM and JIM, SULU and RANDOM REDSHIRT are getting ready to spacejump. RANDOM REDSHIRT has the stuff needed to blow up the spacedrill, which in hindsight is probably not such a good idea.
RANDOM REDSHIRT: Whoo, fighting!
JIM KIRK: Okaayy…
Then they are released and plummet thousands of feet in a matter of seconds. They're ordered to pull their chutes, and surprise surprise, RANDOM REDSHIRT pulls his too late and is laser'd to death. JIM almost meets the same fate, but he's the main character so he makes out okay.
Some Romulans come and JIM has nothing but his helmet to fight them so he's kind of getting his ass kicked. SULU at least remembered to bring a sword and is badass enough to know how to use it. JIM decides now will be a good time to hang of some ledges some more, but then SULU comes in and saves his life, slaying some Romulans in the process with his awesome katana. They remember that some moron let the RANDOM REDSHIRT hold onto the chargers and now they have nothing to blow up the drill with. JIM being JIM suggests that they improvise and use Romulan guns to sabotage the spacedrill.
Well, it's too late, the laser has cut to the planet's core and the Romulans launch the red matter into it. CHEKOV figures out that they're creating a black hole in the center of Vulcan. Since SPOCK had some crazy flakes for breakfast he decides the best course of action is to beam down onto the doomed planet. Well, some of the Vulcans need to be saved I guess.
Meanwhile SULU falls of the spacedrill and JIM, being the self-sacrificing, idiotic hero, jumps down after him. Unfortunately his chute refuses to work properly. Luckily JIM and SULU fall slowly enough so that CHEKOV can come up with some magic formula and beam them up at the most dramatically convenient moment. The two of them are beamed aboard and somehow miraculously survive.
SPOCK beams down to the planet to save his mom, and some other Vulcans too, but in the most predictable twist of the movie Spock's momma does not make it out alive and the rest of them are beamed back on board without her.
We have some sad looks from everyone, even SAREK, who somehow looks like he's about to cry without ever changing his facial expression. Then we get a great shot of Vulcan collapsing in on itself while some sad music plays.
SPOCK narrates for us what's going on and it's all terribly tragic. Then UHURA traps him in a turbolift and proceeds to make out with him.
UHURA: Do you need something from me? I'll totally put out for you if you want.
SPOCK: Whatever, just do your job.
UHURA: Seriously? I'm wearing a miniskirt and go-go boots! What more do you want?
Back on THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM, NERO is interrogating PIKE. He also gives us some backstory, apparently his planet was destroyed, and also he was married and was even expecting a child. This would make him sympathetic if he hadn't just killed 6 billion people.
NERO: And it's all Spock's fault.
CHRIS PIKE: So you decided to blow up a whole planet to get revenge on this one guy?
NERO: I've been in space for 25 years, I'm not exactly sane.
CHRIS PIKE: Yeah, I got that.
NERO: Now sell out your planet so I can blow it up and I'll let you go free.
CHRIS PIKE: You're kidding right? Not gonna happen.
NERO: Fine. I'll just shove this bug down your throat then.
He does so. It is horrifying.
Back on the Enterprise the crew is wondering what NERO'S plan is. JIM is slouching in the captain's chair, looking like he was born to sit in it.
SPOCK: Out of the chair.
JIM KIRK: But it's so comfy!
SPOCK: Out!
JIM KIRK: Fine, but you can't keep us apart forever!
Anyways, they finally figure out that NERO's from the future, though to be fair they didn't have the same information as the audience. SPOCK also deduces that by travelling back in time NERO has created an alternate universe, so that's kind of cool.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Damnit man, I'm a doctor not a physicist.
The Trekkies in the audience all fangasm on the spot.
JIM proceeds to protest everything SPOCK suggests until SPOCK finally grows sick of it and orders some security guards to take him off the bridge. JIM fights back so instead of being sent to the brig he's Vulcan-nerve-pinch'd, put in a shuttle and shot at the nearest planet. The planet's name is Delta Vega, so that also doubles as a TOS reference.
JIM KIRK: Man, remind me never to piss off Spock again.
COMPUTER: Please remain inside the shuttle unless you want to be eaten by a giant icemonster.
JIM KIRK: Screw that, I'm outta here.
He climbs out and is predictably chased by a giant icemonster. Also, his eyes look impossibly blue in this lighting but that's neither here nor there.
GIANT ICEMONSTER: *is eaten by an even bigger monster, which then proceeds to chase JIM*
JIM KIRK: Goddamn it, haven't I gotten my ass kicked enough already?
Apparently not, as he also falls down a giant hill and is almost eaten until a mysterious figure finally rescues him by waving around some fire. He then turns to face JIM and *gasp* it's OLD SPOCK!
OLD SPOCK instantly recognizes JIM despite him being like sixty years younger since he last saw him eighty years ago and it's the sweetest thing ever you guys! Seriously, his eyes light up and he does that thing where he smiles but not really and... right, shutting up now. I'll fangirl on my own time.
JIM KIRK: Do I know you?
OLD SPOCK: I have been and always shall be your friend (he said the line, from Wrath of Khan, omigod that's so sweet... I mean, *insert witty observation here*)
JIM KIRK: Wtf?
OLD SPOCK: I am Spock.
JIM KIRK: Bullshit.
Despite OLD SPOCK appearing all sorts of crazy JIM decides he prefers his company to the icemonsters outside, so he sits with him by the fireplace.
OLD SPOCK: I am so glad you're here. You wouldn't believe the day I've been having.
JIM KIRK: Okay, this is getting kind of weird, so I'm just gonna be leaving…
OLD SPOCK: Nero.
JIM KIRK: Omg, you know Nero?
OLD SPOCK: Sure. Here, let me into your brain so I can show you.
JIM KIRK: I don't know if that's such a good- okay, you're already doing it.
OLD SPOCK proceeds to explain the plot, which he could just as easily have done outside of JIM'S head but whatevs, he's Leonard Nimoy so he can do whatever the hell he pleases.
OLD SPOCK ends the meld and JIM stumbles away.
JIM KIRK: Whoa, that was intense.
OLD SPOCK: Yeah, sorry 'bout that.
JIM KIRK: It's okay, I guess. So we knew each other?
OLD SPOCK: Oh yeah, we were… great… friends. Yeah, friends. Anyway we should get going. Planets to safe all that.
JIM KIRK: Wait, in this other universe, did I know my father?
OLD SPOCK: In the other universe, I was your daddy.
JIM KIRK: What?
OLD SPOCK: I mean, yes, yes you did.
Back on the Enterprise MCCOY is having a hissy fit.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: Jim is a stallion, why did you maroon him?
SPOCK: A stallion must first be broken before it can reach its potential.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: I think I'll just…
SPOCK: Yeah, I'm gonna go back…
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: You do that.
Cut back to DELTA VEGA, which is just as cold and barren as it was when we last left it. OLD SPOCK and JIM arrive at the Starbase and are greeted by a little green cabbage man, who leads them to SCOTTY.
SCOTTY: Awesome, I'm finally getting off this planet!
OLD SPOCK: Scotty!
SCOTTY'S TRIBBLE: *is an awesome reference to TOS*
JIM KIRK: So I'm assuming you know him.
OLD SPOCK: Sure. He can get us off this godforsaken planet!
SCOTTY: And how am I gonna do that?
OLD SPOCK: By using a formula you haven't invented yet. I'll show you it!
JIM KIRK: Isn't that kind of cheating?
OLD SPOCK: Who are you to talk?
JIM KIRK: It's called thinking outside the box!
OLD SPOCK shows SCOTTY the formula and they are good to go.
JIM KIRK: Hey, you're coming with us, right?
OLD SPOCK: Oh yeah, to- no wait, I'm only being paid for like fifteen minutes of screen time. I mean, Spock can't know I exist, it might cause world-ending paradoxes. I am not just saying that. Just go without me, you'll do fine.
JIM KIRK: The hell I will! How do I take command of the ship?
OLD SPOCK: Just get Spock to kick the crap out of you, you're good at that.
JIM KIRK: I resent that. It's totally true, but I resent that.
JIM and SCOTTY get on the transportation pads.
OLD SPOCK: *does the Vulcan hand-thingy* Live long and prosper.
The Trekkies in the audience proceed to have another fangasm.
JIM and SCOTTY disappear and then appear back on the Enterprise. Some complications ensue, resulting in SCOTTY almost drowning (hilariously) and JIM and SCOTTY being arrested. Kind of.
CUPCAKE: I've been waiting three years for this… Cupcake!
JIM KIRK: You have no life, do you?
CUPCAKE: No I do not.
JIM and SCOTTY are brought to the bridge.
SPOCK: Rawr, how did you get here?
JIM KIRK: I'm not saying. Nananananana.
SPOCK: You, Scottish guy. How did you get here?
SCOTTY: Hey, I'm staying out of this.
SPOCK: Kirk…
JIM KIRK: Still not saying. Also, your mom.
SPOCK proceeds to attack JIM while the crew around them does nothing. He then pins JIM to a console and has his wicked way with him. By which I mean, chokes him. Still the crew does nothing. JIM turns blue.
CREW: Lalalalalala…
Finally, SPOCK'S dad cuts in.
SPOCK: Aw, goddamnit. Welp, I guess I'm emotionally compromised now so I might as well give the ship to the mutinous cadet.
JIM KIRK: Yay!
Everyone else: Not yay.
SCOTTY: I like this ship!
JIM KIRK: Okay, let's go people, we've got a suicidal mission to complete! Let's kick some Romulan ass.
Meanwhile, SPOCK is getting a pep talk from his dad.
SPOCK: I feel angry.
SPOCK'S DADDY, SAREK: Do or do not. There is no try.
SPOCK: Eh, what?
SPOCK'S DADDY, SAREK: Sorry, wrong franchise. I mean, some advice that your mom might have given you. Y'know, if she wasn't dead. Which she is.
And back on the bridge, CHEKOV has pulled another magic solution out of his ass.
LEONARD 'BONES' MCCOY: I'm beginning to think we should make the kid Captain.
JIM KIRK: Yeah, not gonna happen. Now we just need someone suicidal enough to go on board the Romulan ship-
SPOCK: I volunteer.
JIM KIRK: No! You're too hot- I mean, I'll come with you.
Meanwhile, THE GIANT SHIP OF DOOM is getting ready to drill the Earth.
Yet again meanwhile, the Enterprise has arrived by Saturn and the visuals are stunning.
SPECIAL EFFECTS: Have we mentioned that we're so, so much better than the sixties?
HIKARU SULU: *technobabble*
PAVEL CHEKOV: Marry me.
Cut to JIM and SPOCK, who are getting ready for their suicide mission. JIM is being professional, while SPOCK is making out with his girlfriend.
JIM KIRK: Wait, when did this turn into the mirror verse?
SPOCK and UHURA mack lips some more.
UHURA: You'd better be back.
SPOCK: I will. Probably. Y'know, unless I die. Bye Nyota!
KIRK: Nyota? No wonder she didn't tell me her name.
SCOTTY: Righto, so I'm just gonna send you to the cargo bay. It'll probably be empty, unless dramatically convenient.
JIM and SPOCK beam onboard THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM, and are immediately under enemy fire.
JIM KIRK: Goddamn it, who the hell wrote this screenplay?
SPOCK: You can break the fourth wall later, let's go.
Meanwhile on the bridge of THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM…
RANDOM ROMULAN: Uh, so there are some intruders on board. Also, one of them is Vulcan.
NERO: Goddamn it!
Cut to JIM and SPOCK kicking ass and taking names.
JIM KIRK: You go get your information. I'll watch your ass- back, I mean back.
SPOCK melds with some Romulan dude.
JIM KIRK: You have the information?
SPOCK: Yeah. It's buried under loads and loads of fantasies about Orion slave girls, but I've got it.
JIM KIRK: Tell me about the slave girls later. Let's go!
They go and find OLD SPOCK'S spaceship, which recognizes SPOCK.
SHIP: Hai Ambassador Spock!
SPOCK: Did the ship just say-
JIM KIRK: Ambassador Spork?
SPOCK: No, I was gonna say-
JIM KIRK: Whoops, look at the time, gotta go. You can fly this, right?
SPOCK: Fine. But just so you know, our plan has like 4.3 % chances of succeeding.
JIM KIRK: Bitch, I'm James T. Kirk. It'll work.
SPOCK flies off on the JELLYFISH, while JIM goes to find CHRIS PIKE.
JIM KIRK: Oh, there's NERO. I'll just stand here and let my guard down to shout at him some. *gets ambushed by AYEL* Okay what is this, pick on Jim day?
NERO runs over to partake in some ass kicking as well.
NERO: I know your face from Earth's history.
JIM KIRK: I'm famous? Sweet.
NERO: Not in this universe. I'm gonna kill you before you get the chance.
JIM KIRK: Dude, why would you do that?
NERO: I'm spiteful that way.
He straddles JIM and proceeds to choke him.
AYEL: I think I once watched a gay porno that started like this…
Meanwhile, SPOCK is flying towards the spacedrill that is currently drilling a hole into the Earth. Before he gets the chance to shoot at it however, it crumbles to bits in a desperate attempt to escape him.
Back on THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM…
COMPUTER: The drill is ded. Sorry.
NERO: KHAAAAN- I mean, SPOOOOCK!
He leaps away like a goddamn gopher.
JIM KIRK: Oh thank god, I can finally stop getting wailed on.
AYEL: Not so soon.
JIM KIRK: Okay, what's the deal? Did I miss the memo, am I suddenly the movie's punching bag?
JIM KIRK: Meep.
JIM gets choked some more but then the movie remembers he's the main character, so he gets a hold of AYEL'S gun and shoots him. He even gets to deliver an awesome one-liner.
JIM KIRK: Please, please tell me this is the last time I get my ass handed to me.
Cut to SPOCK, who has decided the best course of action is to ram his ship into THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM. NERO fires some missiles at him, but just before they hit the Enterprise appears out of nowhere and saves the day, allowing SPOCK to complete his suicide mission.
JIM has meanwhile found CHRIS PIKE who, even tortured and paralyzed, manages to be badass and shoot an incoming Romulan.
Then JIM, SPOCK and CHRIS are beamed back on board the Enterprise, just before The JELLYFISH rams into THE GIANT SPACESHIP OF DOOM.
JIM KIRK: I love you Scotty. Now let's go back on the bridge so I can be awesome some more.
NERO hails them.
JIM KIRK: Hai! If you need help, we are totally willing to give it to you.
SPOCK: Wtf?
JIM KIRK: It's logical.
SPOCK: Screw logic!
NERO: I don't want your help! So nyah!
JIM KIRK: That's fine. Let's waste our ammunition on this ship that's getting sucked into a black hole, just to make sure they definitely die.
They do so. Everything is fine for a couple of seconds, until they remember that this is a black hole they're hovering by and they are getting sucked in.
JIM KIRK: Okay, staying to gloat was a bad idea. Can we get out of here?
SCOTTY: If we wreck the ship some more we can.
JIM KIRK: Shit, Pike's gonna kill me. Well, do it anyway.
He does and they get away at the last possible moment.
JIM KIRK: What'd I tell you? I'm James T. Kirk. As long as there's no bridges around, I'm unbeatable.
Cut to later, back on Earth. SPOCK is roaming the hallways of the STARFLEET ACADEMY when, *gasp*! It's OLD SPOCK!
SPOCK: This is so weird. Is the world gonna end?
OLD SPOCK: Nah, probably not.
SPOCK: Then why did you send Kirk on board by himself if you could have come with and explained? I almost killed him, you know.
OLD SPOCK: I didn't want to get in the way of your epic roma-, I mean, bromance.
Cut to even later, where JIM is being awarded a commendation.
ADMIRAL JAMES KOMACK: Congrats Captain Kirk.
JIM KIRK: Not gonna cry, not gonna cry…
CHRIS PIKE: Your father would be proud. *Music swells*
AUDIENCE: Ouch, my heartstrings.
Back on the Enterprise…
SPOCK: Permission to come aboard.
JIM KIRK: *grins* Permission granted. If you know what I mean.
SPOCK: I could have done without that last part.
JIM KIRK: Let's go!
Roll Credits.
This took me about two hours to write and read over. Shows how much effort went into it. Well, if you want to you can still review, if only to tell me how much it sucked :D
EDIT (21. may, 2010): Okay, I finally edited the damn thing. Not much changed really. I fixed all the grammatical errors I could find and added a couple of jokes.


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Quirky intros Beamer case for iPhone 3G, 3GS
Quirky, a community product development service, has introduced the Beamer, its new case for the iPhone 3G and iPhone 3GS. Made from hard plastic, the Beamer is a two-piece case with an integrated LED light. A recessed button on the side of the case opposite the volume buttons and ring/hold switch allows users to turn the light on for 10 second bursts—good for photos—or indefinitely if needed for longer periods. Other features include access to all ports and controls, a replaceable cell coin battery good for 10 hours of LED operation, and a slide-off bottom for easy docking. Quirky's Beamer case for iPhone 3G and 3GS is available for pre-order now and sells for $32.
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What's with the slide off bottoms? They are so annoying. Case makers should take a note from contour flick and start doing flick off bottoms. Unless contour has that feature patented or something. It's messy and irritating to have to take a cap off the bottom, dock the phone, and then have cap lay around somewhere. Maybe I have OCD, but I hate that so much.
Posted by Charles Starrett on November 5, 2009 at 5:56 PM (CST)
Posted by Charles Starrett on November 5, 2009 at 6:26 PM (CST)
i don't like the phone case, i like the ture phone 3gs
Posted by Charles Starrett on November 6, 2009 at 3:32 AM (CST)
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Pam Grier on being interviewed about her body of film work:
"Then another — I won't mention the name — but another journalist asked me, are there any movies or performances I'd like to bury. And I was like, 'Like bury or spray disinfectant on? No. Not really. It was a challenge and a commitment, and I enjoyed doing them.'"
(Photo: Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)
Guess the Booty: Male Edition08/03/2015
Out and About: Halle Berry Has Her Hands Full With Son Maceo07/31/2015
Quotes: Jill Scott Calls for a Revolution07/31/2015
Tweet Sheet: Celebs React to the Murder of Sam Dubose07/30/2015
Cinemania: Must-See Movies in August07/29/2015
Celebrity Birthdays: Soulja Boy Celebrates!07/28/2015
The Ups and Downs of Bobbi Kristina Brown07/27/2015
Tweet Sheet: Celebs React to the Passing of Bobbi Kristina07/27/2015
Bobbi Kristina: In Her Own Words07/26/2015
Out and About: Wale Shows Out at the White House07/24/2015
Quotes: Tamar Has Issues With Rihanna Being Labeled 'R&B'07/24/2015
Guess the Booty: Female Edition07/23/2015
Celebrity Birthdays: George Clinton Celebrates!07/22/2015
Donald Trump Hates Everyone07/21/2015
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Out and About: Riley Curry Steals the Show With Dad07/17/2015
Future Slams Ciara for Letting Russell Wilson Meet Their Son07/17/2015
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At Osceola Energy, we provide electrician services as well as wind and solar energy systems for your home or business in Albuquerque and throughout New Mexico
Reduce your business's carbon footprintSave money on your bottom line. Solar offers a great ROI for your business.
Shop affordable
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contractingOsceola Energy is a licensed, bonded and insured electrical contracting company.
electricianOn-call electricians that will come to your home or business after regular business hours
Current Topics
- Santa Ana Golf Club Solar Carport Featured in Solar Power World Magazine We are proud to announce that the solar carport Osceola Energy...more
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text:
List all words ending with legerity
Only the word legerity was found, nothing longer.
Some random words: aegis gjetost lwei ruana roach veal lea
This is not a dictionary, it's a word game wordfinder.
- Help and FAQ - Examples - Home
Privacy Policy - Share - © Copyright 2004-2015 Morewords.com - 65.242mS


text:
See our store section for gifts by different stores
See our top gift ideas section for most popular items.
Create your own personal gift registry. Register for any item, from any store, for any occasion. Find the gift registries of your family and friends.
Ever find the perfect gift idea for someone, but their birthday was months away? We make it easy to remember your gift ideas.
Provides timely email reminders for a birthday, anniversary, and other special occasions.
Get advice from friends and family on which gifts to buy.
Sports & Recreation
USA Women's 2015 World Cup Soccer Champions Hoody
USA Women's Soccer Champion Hoody
Lake Girl Hoodie with Matching Hat and Tote
Infant's Milwaukee Brewers Full Zip Hoodie
Toddler's Milwaukee Brewers Full Zip Hoodie
Women's Milwaukee Brewers Baseball Full Zip Hoodie
Shark Zipper Hoodie
Women's Life is Good Go-To Zip Hoodie
Folk Art Patchwork Hoodie
Pi-Day of the Century Hoodie
Reasons Why Personalized Black Hooded Sweatshirt
Adult's Bucky Badger Hooded Sweatshirt
Fight Cancer Personalized Hooded Sweatshirt
Keep Calm and Scrapbooking On Hooded Sweatshirt
Women's Life is Good Semi-Fitted Zippity Hoodie
Infant's Green Bay Packers Ruffled Hoodie and Pants
Girls Pink Full Zip Packers Hoodie
Toddler Packers Green Full Zip Hoodie
Toddler's Green Bay Packers Pink Full Zip Hoodie
Pink Ribbon Ladies Zip Hoodie
Infant's Green Bay Packers Full-Zip Hoodie
Girl's Green Bay Packers Pink Full-Zip Hoodie
Infant's Green Bay Packers Pink Full-Zip Hoodie
Fight for a Cure Camouflage Hoodie


text:
Wayfair gets into beds with retailer Mattress Firm
Mattress Firm takes on delivery and setup services for mattress buyers on Wayfair.com.
Wayfair gets into beds with retailer Mattress Firm
Mattress Firm takes on delivery and setup services for mattress buyers on Wayfair.com.
Holiday plan: UPS expands its parcel pickup network
The shipping carrier is scouting 2,400 independent locations for its Access Point program in 100 markets, aiming to make it easy for online shoppers ...
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Sponsored by 2013 Social Media 300
And one in six accesses retail sites and apps from their smartphones.
More Europeans are using their smartphones to make online purchases, according to new data on mobile commerce across five major EU countries–France, Germany, Italy, Spain and the U.K.
The research, released this week by digital analytics firm comScore Inc., finds one in six smartphone users in the countries accessed online retail sites and apps on their devices in May, nearly double the amount a year earlier. Additionally, one in eight smartphone users completed a retail transaction on their phones.
The data measure the mobile retail activity among smartphone users 13 and older in May 2012, as compared with the same month last year. The research found that 19.5 million smartphone users accessed retail content in that month, 16.6% of the total 117.6 million smartphone owners across the countries—an increase of 4.6 percentage points year over year, comScore says.
Approximately one in eight smartphone users (12.4%) in the countries polled purchased goods or services on their devices in May 2012. Among the smartphone users who accessed retail content in that month, 75% conducted a transaction.
E-commerce is now central to many consumers' digital lives, says Hesham Al-Jehani, European mobile product manager at comScore.
"We are now observing a rapid increase in the emergence of m-commerce, where consumers visit retail sites or use dedicated apps and ultimately make on-device purchases," he says.
Retailers are responding to the changing consumer environment by simplifying the transaction processes and improving the mobile experience to facilitate on-the-go purchasing, he says. Of the five countries, Spain is the fastest-growing in mobile shopping activity, with 1.9 million smartphone owners accessing retail sites and apps from their devices in May, up 141% compared with May 2011.
The U.K. is the largest market by absolute numbers, with 6.5 million smartphone users accessing retail sites and apps, but also has the least rapid growth rate at 74% year-over-year growth for May. Germany ranks a close second with 5.8 million retail site users and a growth rate of 118%.
Apparel and accessories, purchased by 4.3% of smartphone owners polled, ranks as the top mobile purchasing category, and books (bought by 3.2%), ranks second. Other services or goods purchased by European smartphone owners include consumer electronics/household appliances (3.1%), tickets (3.1%) and personal care/hygiene products (2.1%). Consumers could answer that they purchased in more than one category in the poll.
"Given Europeans' existing predilection for online apparel shopping, it is not surprising to see this category rank as the most popular for purchase via mobile devices." says Al-Jehani.
He adds, however, that the category's popularity may correspond with the heavy use of e-mail marketing by apparel and accessories retailers, with consumers more likely to see and respond to offers on their phones when they check their e-mail.
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If there's something you've bought offline that you weren't able to buy online, we're probably thinking about that."


text:
All hotels in Tyler, Texas, United States of America
1 room, 2 adults
1601 W Southwest Loop 323, Tyler, TX, 75701, United States of America, Hotels.com Expert: 855-238-1593
La Quinta Inn Tyler - Tyler
Lowest price$62
available on 08/10/15
Welcome to La Quinta Inn Tyler! This central low-cost Tyler hotel is located 1.1 mi (1.8 km) from Broadway Square Mall and within 6 mi (10 km) of Tyler Museum of Art and Discovery Place Museum. University of Texas at Tyler and Tyler Municipal Rose Garden Center and Museum are also within 6 mi (10 km).
Along with free continental breakfast, this hotel offers free WiFi and free self parking. Relax in the outdoor pool during your stay.
Along with free continental breakfast, this hotel offers free WiFi and free self parking. Relax in the outdoor pool during your stay.
We were visiting Canton. We have stayed in Tyler many times. We choose this particular…
We flew down from New Hampshire for my daughters graduation from TJC. The room was clean…
TripAdvisor Traveller Rating: 3.5
From 185 reviews
Enter dates to check prices
Hotel Info: 1-844-302-2248from $62
- Standard Room, 1 King Bed
- Standard Room, 2 Double Beds
- Deluxe Room, Refrigerator & Microwave
- Deluxe Room
- Deluxe Room, 1 King Bed, Refrigerator & Microwave
Recommended hotels
At a glance
Key facts
Hotel size
- This hotel has 130 rooms
- This hotel is arranged over 2 floors
- Check-in time starts at 3 PM
- Check-out time is noon
Required at check in
- Credit card or cash deposit required
- Government-issued photo ID required
Travelling with others
- Pets allowed
- Free WiFi in public areas
- Free WiFi in rooms
- Free self parking
- Accessible parking
In the hotel
Food and drink
- Free continental breakfast
Things to do
- Outdoor pool
Working away
- Conference space
- 24-hour front desk
- Safe-deposit box at front desk
- Disabled parking
- Accessible bathroom
In the room
Home comforts
- Air conditioning
- Coffee/tea maker
- Iron/ironing board
Freshen up
- Free toiletries
- Hair dryer
Be entertained
- Premium TV channels
- Video-game console
Stay connected
- Desk
- Free WiFi
- Free local calls
- Access via exterior corridors


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Dale's ability to push product has been witnessed in the gaming arena before -- he once served as the commercial and marketing director for Nintendo UK, during which time he oversaw the European Pokémon invasion. Sure, those adorable buggers practically sell themselves -- but still, it sounds like Dale will be a valuable asset for Microsoft's overseas operations.
Microsoft Xbox 360
- Key specs
- Reviews • 365
- Prices
- Discussions
- Game format Optical disc, Downloadable
- Online features Multiplayer, Voice chat, Video chat, Store
- Drive capacity 4 GB
- Controller type Wired, Wireless
- Motion controls Camera / optical
- Video outputs Component, HDMI (v1.4)
- Weight 10.9 lb
- Released 2010-08-03
Microsoft Xbox One


text:
List all words starting with breviers
Only the word breviers was found, nothing longer.
Some random words: ion phaeton luau mel mho maar gharial
This is not a dictionary, it's a word game wordfinder.
- Help and FAQ - Examples - Home
Privacy Policy - Share - © Copyright 2004-2015 Morewords.com - 1.228mS


text:
Exchange Agreement between Equity UK and Actors' Equity Association
29 July 2013
Equity UK has an Exchange Agreement in place with the Actors' Equity Association in the US. The Exchange provides the opportunity for an equivalent number of performers working in live performance from the UK to be engaged on shows in the US, and vice versa, under the umbrella of a regulated contract and acceptable fees.
2005 Equity survey summary
25 July 2013
Summary of the 2005 Equity membership survey from the Equity magazine
2005 survey form
25 July 2013
form from the 2005 Equity survey of members
2005 survey report
25 July 2013
Report of the 2005 Equity survey of members
Appeals Committee ruling July 2013
24 July 2013
Appeals Committee ruling on the complaint submitted by Yvonne Joseph under Rule 29.1 - July 2013
ARC 2014 timetable
24 July 2013
Timetable for the 2014 Annual Representative Conference
Council Report 23 July 2013
24 July 2013
Report of the Equity Council meeting on 23 July 2013
YRG Standard Agenda for Branch Meetings
24 July 2013
The Branch Committee has decided to publish a Standard Agenda for Branch Meetings to give members who haven't been to a meeting before an idea of what we discuss when we meet. The order of Agenda items and the length of time spent discussing different agenda items will vary from meeting to meeting.
PACT Agreement for TV 2013
23 July 2013
Equity & PACT TV Agreement for minimum terms and conditions for all Artists (excluding instrumental musicians, crowd artistes and Walk-On/Background Artists).
SOLT - TMA Agreement for Opera Singers 2009
17 July 2013
Agreement between Equity and SOLT TMA - Opera Singers


text:
Today a padded envelope showed up in my mailbox and I got very happy. You see inside this padded envelope were some very lovely stitch markers that I had been wanting for a while. And now, well, now they are mine! 😀 They were lovingly [right, lovingly? 😉 ] hand crafted for me by AMG. Aren't they lovely?
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- Granville hanging with #Smokey in the #naturalresourcespark at the Ohio State Fair. https://t.co/9dmYGYQ2pO
about 1 day ago
- The full moon is lovely and so very bright in the nursery tonight.
about 2 days ago
- RT @garywhitta: NEW PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT http://t.co/Mtf58tixSj #POOPINGISLOGICAL
about 4 days ago
- RT @ADOPTPetRescue: Join us on August 8th from 10:00 am - 2:00 pm for the Second Annual Pet Adoption Event hosted by Byers Airport... http:…
about 4 days ago
- RT @ClaraParkes: Teachers, @KeyAndPeele gets you: https://t.co/kt0lgAXbnJ
about 4 days ago
- Granville hanging with #Smokey in the #naturalresourcespark at the Ohio State Fair. https://t.co/9dmYGYQ2pO
2014 Reading ChallengeErin has read 15 books toward her goal of 75 books.hide
StatPressVisits today: 2
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2 bd1 ba
house2 BR 1 BA end unit townhouse available immediately. $650/month plus utilities, $650 security... More
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None other than Warren Buffett praises LeBron's business savvy
Nov 2, 2012, 7:08 PM EDT
LeBron James has never made a secret of his desire to be a billionaire, which when he was younger came off like some of his other boasts — the ramblings of person who has never really had to deal with the real world.
But things seem to be changing. On the court we have seen a maturity come over him that propelled him to his first ring and had him playing up near the level of the guy you can't compare anyone to.
Off the court, the guy you can't compare anyone to is Berkshire Hathaway Chairman Warren Buffett. He's the investment guru and the second richest man in the United States.
And he thinks LeBron is brilliant at business, too, he told the Miami Herald.
"You have to get to know him," Buffett said. "LeBron's not initially really talkative. He's savvy. He's smart about financial matters. It's amazing to me the maturity he exhibits. I know that if I had been famous at that age, I would have had trouble keeping my feet on the ground."
Forbes estimates that salary and endorsements brought LeBron $53 million in income last year, the fourth highest among athletes. And it would have been more if not for the lockout.
And that number is going up because companies want him as an endorser again (he just signed with Samsung). It's a swing in his image from just a couple years ago. Again from the Herald.
"He's arguably the most marketable athlete currently in the U.S. because he brings the most long-term value," said Robert Tuchman, president of Goviva, a sports and entertainment company. "I don't think there's anyone you can compare him to right now … he's perceived as a really good guy and a winner."
I don't really know (or really care) if LeBron gets to his $1 billion goal. But if you're hanging with Warren Buffett and he thinks your savvy, you're doing something right.
Report: Glen Davis open to playing in Europe or China if he doesn't get an NBA deal
Aug 2, 2015, 12:30 AM EDT
Davis is in talks to re-sign with the Clippers.
Clippers waive Jordan Hamilton
Aug 1, 2015, 11:00 PM EDT
Hamilton played 14 games with the Clippers last season.
Report: Derrick Rose undecided about attending Team USA minicamp
Aug 1, 2015, 9:30 PM EDT
Rose played in the 2010 and 2014 FIBA World Championships.
Gregg Popovich expects Tim Duncan to play the "same boring game" as usual
Aug 1, 2015, 8:00 PM EDT
That would be good news for the Spurs and bad news for the rest of the Western Conference.
Bulls' Joakim Noah after injury-plagued 2014-15 season: "I feel hungrier than ever"
Aug 1, 2015, 6:30 PM EDT
Noah spent most of last season limited by knee surgery.
Report: Nuggets to waive Kostas Papanikolaou, acquired in Ty Lawson trade
Aug 1, 2015, 5:00 PM EDT
His $4.7 million salary for next season is unguaranteed.
Report: Chris Paul to attend Team USA minicamp
Aug 1, 2015, 3:30 PM EDT
Paul is still in the running for a spot on the 2016 Olympic team.
Report: Pacers planning to purchase D-League's Fort Wayne Mad Ants
Aug 1, 2015, 2:00 PM EDT
Will this lead to all 30 teams getting their own affiliates?
Hakeem Olajuwon and Dikembe Mutombo make surprise appearances for Team Africa in NBA exhibition game (VIDEO)
Aug 1, 2015, 12:30 PM EDT
Team Africa faced off against Team World in Johannesburg.
Report: NBPA filing grievance after Kings void Luc Mbah a Moute's contract
Aug 1, 2015, 11:00 AM EDT
Mbah a Moute signed a one-year deal with the Kings in July.
Raptors' GM Masai Ujiri sees Bismack Biyombo as key part of roster transformation
Aug 1, 2015, 9:30 AM EDT
Biyombo has worked with Hakeem Olajuwon this summer on post moves, other parts of his game.
Nets finally taking responsible path to rebuilding, don't expect another spending spree next summer
Aug 1, 2015, 8:00 AM EDT
The Nets will be paying the price for their win-now era for a few years to come still.
Report: Dwight Howard to attend Team USA mini-camp after all
Aug 1, 2015, 1:11 AM EDT
This is the right move, whether he decides to play in Rio or not.
Watch Karl-Anthony Towns highlights from Summer League
Jul 31, 2015, 11:08 PM EDT
He looks like a guy who can live up to the No. 1 pick billing.
Pelicans waive Toney Douglas, still await Norris Cole decision
Jul 31, 2015, 10:26 PM EDT
Norris Cole is still looking for a bigger payday.
It's official: Kings hire Hall-of-Famer Nancy Lieberman as assistant coach
Jul 31, 2015, 9:31 PM EDT
Her credentials are unassailable.
Report: Hawks' Mike Scott told police after arrest all drugs in car were his
Jul 31, 2015, 8:10 PM EDT
He is currently out on bond.
Pacers' Jordan Hill arrested for reckless driving, clocked at 107 mph
Jul 31, 2015, 7:15 PM EDT
Hill told the police he was "in a hurry." I guess so.
Warriors trade Gerald Wallace to Philadelphia in exchange for Jason Thompson
Jul 31, 2015, 7:01 PM EDT
Neither guy is going to make a difference on the court for these teams. This was just moving some money around.
Trail Blazers guarantee Allen Crabbe's contract for next season
Jul 31, 2015, 5:46 PM EDT
Crabbe looked good in Las Vegas at Summer League.
Top Posts
- Report: Derrick Rose undecided about attending Team USA minicamp 6
- Report: Pacers planning to purchase D-League's Fort Wayne Mad Ants 2
- Report: Hawks' Mike Scott told police after arrest all drugs in car were his 17
- NBA lands in Africa trying to put down roots, which is all about youth programs, infrastructure 1
- Report: Kings expected to hire Nancy Lieberman as assistant coach 9
- Report: Hawks' Mike Scott arrested for felony drug possession 16
- Gilbert Arenas on LeBron James: "James isn't a #1 option..and yes I (didn't stutter)" 48
- Report: Veteran point guard Andre Miller reaches one-year deal with Timberwolves 10
- K. Bryant (2503)
- M. Miller (1754)
- B. Haywood (1676)
- L. James (1654)
- I. Thomas (1564)
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- P. George (1278)


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