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Just curious what other people think on this topic. I really question myself a lot about this because I am usually kind, open and accepting of others...but find myself to be invariably negative and annoyed by my MIL, despite the fact that she is an overall thoughtful, accepting, and generous woman. She is not a toxic person like many others I have read about on MDC. I truly wish I liked hanging out with her and enjoyed her company, like I do with my other woman friends. I make sure that we spend time with her once a week, which is easy to do since she lives close. Yet I find that she just grates on my nerves. Things that she does really irritate me, though I know it's me, not her...I finally realized this was the case when I thought about the fact that most of the comments she makes, things she gets us which I wish she didn't, etc. ...none of those would bother me if they were coming from one of my friends. I really am trying to work through this issue so that it doesn't stain her relationship with our son. I have noticed my penchant towards negativity with her has markedly increased since our son was born, but my time with her since then has also increased because I have tried to be very deliberate in making sure she sees enough of him (however, no matter how often we see her, she makes comments about not seeing him enough--recently, "If you brought him over more, I would childproof the house." Ug.). Both of my parents are gone and I wasn't close with either of them, so I know my sadness about not having parents I love with whom to share our son is a factor. Thanks in advance for anyone's thoughts.
I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brother.
I've often thought that maybe there a biological drive that makes us want to separate from our parents and in-laws. At least, I tell my teenagers that when they don't like my rules anymore that the end is in sight. Tribal splits prevented incest before humans were so technologically advanced.
In my case though, my MIL has a favorite son. His wife got all the great family jewels. His kids have star status in the family and that son and that grandchild get the "best" places at the table when we are all together. Having seen favoritism in families go bad, really bad wrong in my father's family.. I don't tolerate this well. Thank goodness we live several states away so that we don't have to see her often.
I think that it's a few things. Firstly, I think that there is often an undercurrent of "My baby is perfect" from MILs, referring to our husbands. It's a lot easier to blame a pushy/annoying/aggressive wife than it is to admit that your son is an adult and able to make choices you might not agree with. I totally don't think it's a conscious thing for most MILs, but that it's still there.
I also think that there's a feeling that we, DILs and sons, make different choices means that we're accusing MILs of having done a bad job of raising kids. Sometimes that might even be true, but a lot of the time it's not at all the case. Still, I think it's easier to feel that way about DILs because we're not their kids and they didn't raise us directly.
bedsharing, knitting, toddler-nursing, nerdy, babywearing mama!
OP, I could have written your post word for word. My MIL is a kind thoughtful woman. She also drives me nuts and I can always think of something negative to say about her after I or DH have/has contact with her. I know this is not entirely rational. For me though, a lot of it has to do with boundaries with me and my own parents. I love my mother dearly, but our relationship is far from perfect. I know that when I'm having a particularly rough time with my mom, I have an even harder time with MIL. There is definitely some competition too, and even with a good MIL, I feel judged by her. These things put together mean that I always keep my distance just a bit.
Happy , delayed/selective vaxxing, WOHM to DD1 4/10 , DD2 8/12 and partner/wife for thirteen years to SAHD DH.
Could it be that men choose women that are very different from their moms? I know that my MIL isn't that bad, but she and I are soooooo different that interaction can be difficult.
I know in my case it also doesn't help that DH has some baggage from how he was raised and it ticks me off that he has to deal with it.
My MIL is delightful--but spending time with her about once per month is just about right for me. (She is free to see my little girl, 5 years old, whenever she wants--and sometimes she'll come up and take DD out to the mall or out for ice cream and that is GREAT! I love that they have a close relationship. They've always had regular sleepovers, etc. MIL is really helpful on a special occasion basis. We tried to do a regular date but that didn't work so well for her, and that's ok with me, too.
We had a little tension when DH and I first married, but I am try to be clear and polite when I have issues, and address them, and so far that's worked very well. I'm also pretty laid back, so I don't have too many issues and that helps too. She tends to walk on eggshells, so if she has issues I usually have to pry them out of her and by the time it is out I'm amenable to whatever she needs.
I don't know if you can really generalize and say "Mil's" are the issue--there are plenty of people who deal with Fil's who make them miserable, too. But there is an added pressure for MIL-DIL to have an independent relationship. It makes my husband really happy if I go down to have lunch with MIL or bring DD down there to do crafts. But he would never expect me to just hang out with his dad. (Who I also relaly love)
I think MIL's and DIL's have huge issues because MIL's often dont want to let go of their son and DIL's dont want another woman in their life that we have to answer to, explain things to, defend our beliefs to, and attempt to please. I know in my case, my MIL def. doesnt see me as her kid, but Im somehow supposed to treat her with the respect Id give my own parents.
nak....I could go on and on, but I wont.
Holly and David
Adaline (3/20/10), and Charlie (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)
SIDS happens.
For us, the tension began when we had Cecilia. Prior to that, I was the "golden child" in their eyes. I should have seen the writing on the wall earlier, as they would often make disparaging remarks about my SIL's husband and say things to my husband like, "Well at least you found a good spouse!" Horrible things to say!
When Cecilia was born, my IL's were there for her birth and my SIL came a little while later. They also came the next day to see her (and us, but really just her). When we left the hospital, we tried to enforce a 2 week babymoon, and they just pitched a fit. They were completely unwilling to give us the two weeks. It devastated me, but I didn't feel like I could keep pushing, and I tried to get my husband to do it. He tried as well and my MIL laid the guilt on him super thickly.
Then the parenting choices comments started. MIL was appalled that we were bedsharing. Now, she sleeps like the dead and won't wake up for most things, so I can sort of see her fear of herself with a baby in the bed. I, however, am completely the opposite; I wake at the drop of a pin. I tried to explain that to her, and that I bedshared with my parents until I was 6 (yeah, I learned my hippie ways right from the source! ). It didn't matter. She became very judgmental about that. The other big topic was "fairness" in relation to time spent with both families (both my family and my husband's live in town). If we were spending a certain amount of time with my family, we had to spend just as much time with his or she'd lay the guilt on again.
FIL was no better. He decided that his perfect son couldn't possibly be going against how he was raised, so clearly his wife must be making all the decisions and therefore must be the one to heap all the blame on!
Anyway, nowadays they've stopped telling us how to parent, but I have a kneejerk reaction to everything they say and do. Little things that I should let roll off don't anymore, but I am trying really hard. Like, for example, when I mentioned that Cecilia went to bed late the previous night so I was tired, MIL asked if it was because she napped late. I said yes, and she said, "Just wake her up next time." I should have taken that as a passing statement, but instead I took offense (internally, I didn't show it). So yeah, our relationship is strained now.
bedsharing, knitting, toddler-nursing, nerdy, babywearing mama!
I can only tell you the problem between me and my MIL. I blame her for most of my husbands problems and for hurting him and being a sucky mom and putting him in a place he doesn't want to be as an adult (I've known him since we were 13... I've seen enough first hand to go with the stories he tells me) and she blames ME for him wanting to grow up and be an adult and move out. She also thinks its my fault he chose to join the army which of course took him even further away from her. My husband's sister lives in New Zealand so that makes it worse because we are actually in the same country as her, although in a different state.
She is a codependent mess and although I tried to be sympathetic and like her for awhile, I just can't. She is passive aggressive and basically every single thing that comes out of her mouth is a 'woo is me' depressing statement meant to get people to fall over trying to give her anything to make her happy. She has decided to move to New Zealand to live with her daughter now that she is retired and although she has stolen money from my husband in the past (quite a bit too... and even let him believe it was his sister one of the times... ) he is very excited to help fund the trip (which is no small amount!) and I'm happy to oblige although we could really use that money. We won't be able to visit for a long time... if ever. and vice versa. We'll only get her passive aggressive emails once in a while which is a lot easier to ignore than the crap she doles out during in person visits.
On the other hand, my mom is the MIL to my husband who isn't so bad but still seriously grates on him. He goes between not being able to stand her at all to being glad there is a halfway normal 'mom' in his life. She definitely has her issues (and gave me plenty!) so I don't blame him but sometimes his reaction is more than necessary. not sure why... could just be that they are different. They talk differently and deal with things differently and in the end, opposites really don't attract that well no matter what people say.
We both however agree that my grandma is basically awesome. I envision her husband (my stepgrandma) dying well before my daughter is grown (I say that flippantly, but I don't mean to. It is simply a fact albeit quite sad) and when that happens, I'd love to have her come live with us rather than living alone in their big empty house. I honestly think he wouldn't be completely against the idea either. My grandma also has annoying issues but she is such a loving and good person that its super easy to ignore. Granted, that is half the problem (very little spine in her) but so long as the people around her don't take advantage, she is such a great addition to a family. She refers to my husband only as grandson. He isn't 'my granddaughter's wife' or anything.. he is 'my grandson' and has been since before we were even engaged. She has also been my biggest help and inspiration since my daughter was born. Everyone needs one of her I think.
I'm glad mine lives in another state. :D We get together a couple of times per year.
My mother bugs the crap out of the two of us though. Boy, does she have opinions.
So true. I especially like that this doesn't require either party to be "bad" in order for there to be some trouble. A very hurtful (on both sides) dynamic in my relationship with MIL is that she does not treat me like she does her own children but is very hurt and offended that I am closer to my own mother than I am to her. Thanks for reminding me of this; I can't make her feel differently but I need to remember not to get my feathers ruffled when she elevates her sons over me (while expecting ME to be there for her emotionally because I am a woman).
I think MIL's and DIL's have huge issues because MIL's often dont want to let go of their son and DIL's dont want another woman in their life that we have to answer to, explain things to, defend our beliefs to, and attempt to please. I know in my case, my MIL def. doesnt see me as her kid, but Im somehow supposed to treat her with the respect Id give my own parents.
nak....I could go on and on, but I wont.
My MIL irritates me too. I feel terrible about it. She's a sweet and loving person, and unfailingly kind to me and our kids.
A large part of the problem for me is that we have very different emotional styles. She's effusive and I'm reserved. I find her effusiveness overwhelming. She interprets my reserve as a sign that she needs to be more effusive. As far as I can tell, anyway.
She also has a very different parenting style than the one I grew up with. My parents were very understanding of conflicts between me and my sisters (which happened all the time). Basically, they told us we were family and one day we would see that we really all loved each other, deep down, and meanwhile, we should try to avoid irritating each other too much, and use our own private spaces for the purposes for which they were intended (i.e., avoiding sisters when they tick you off.) She, on the other hand, insisted that my dh and BIL had to be best friends at all times, since they were brothers. My family is scientific, logical, and somewhat political about certain issues. My MIL has a binder of "gifted parents" newsletters encouraging parents to keep their sons out of the arts because of AIDS risk. (To her credit, I don't think this is why she kept them - they also have articles about summer camp programs, and she's kind of a pack rat. But my mom would have fired off an angry and scientifically accurate letter to the editor and unsubscribed when the first "AIDS in the arts" article appeared.) My mom would never, ever send me an email forward. My MIL not only sends me forwards despite being informed that my email automatically deletes them, but when we get together, she asks my opinion of the contents. Even though she really doesn't want to hear that forwarding an email and lighting a candle will not in any way advance efforts to cure cancer. Just for example.
My mother can bug me too, sometimes, but I'm used to her.
Because as the DIL, I feel like my mom raised us well..as my husband's mother she feels like she raised them well..just different I guess? She's no longer the decision maker when it comes to "the kids" (being hers). I dunno.
Single, student mama to 3 boys
I think, in general, some of the tension comes from the lack of an organic relationship. The only reason I know my MIL is because I married her son. DH and I met while he was out of state at college and she was 3 states away. DH and I had time to forge a relationship slowly, but I was forced into a familial relationship with my In-laws rather quickly. There wasn't time to get to know each other bit by bit.
Along the same lines, DH doesn't understand some of the issues that come up between his mom and I because he grew up with her and knows how she is and has developed ways to respond to her. I, on the other hand, don't have that history and tend to take her words and actions at face value.
Mama to two girls: 5/06 and 3/09
My MIL is nice to everyone but me...ok maybe she's nicer now but it seems forced. She was very mean when DH and I were dating. She wrote me a 2 page (front and back on college ruled notebook paper) telling me what an awful person I was. When dh would force me to visit, She'd go into another room and LOUDLY say to BIL "I don't like it when he brings her here." She tried to intervene and break us up many times. I bent over backwards to please her (except eating her cooking because I just don't like collards) and but it was no use. We had our first child and the inlaws tried to fight me on everything as if they had a right. They convinced dh that we should live in a house they owned. They gave us no privacy and when dh left town on business several times, not once did they call to see if dd and I were ok. After both of my kids were born, MIL insisted that she come and stay with us and did not lift a finger. I did the best I could and served a salad with brown lettuce for lunch because I just wasn't up to preparing lunch for guests. Even just stared at me trying to pick things up off the floor when I was told not to bend over by my midwife. She undermined me when I asked her to please escort dd to her room (one minute per age for something that she shouldn't have been doing).
MIL has NEVER written me a two page letter (or any letter) apologize for her horrible behavior while we were dating (and I was trying to be NICE!). I am pregnant again and her behavior after the last few births (being there and not helping AT ALL) has left me pretty traumatized. Not only have I finally stood up for myself on her visiting after the birth but I'm not willing to go see her while I"m pregnant because I know I'm upset with her and the pregnancy is probably making me feel angrier about it than usual. I wish I could forgive, but I just can't seem to. They've offered to take the other two for a week starting a week or so after the birth and they are welcome to but I hope they don't expect to A. have a place to stay or B. see the baby.
i think it's a lot about what other people have said.... the expected family feelings without any childhood memories or experiences, the lack of an organically developed relationship, the obvious differences in parenting styles etc.
i love my MIL, but i have a hard time liking her. she is a very passive, kind of "fake-dumb" woman. i don't think she's as silly as she acts, but she isn't interested in anything intellectual either. a lot of my issues with her stem from an equal dislike of some of her personality and traits, and a dislike of how the rest of the family treats her (my DH included, although he does try). my FIL and BIL are borderline rude and dismissive of her frequently, and it annoys me that she takes it. it's kind of like the weird kid in class... you hate how everyone treats him, but you also kind of hate him for being so easily mistreated. anyway, i used to dislike her more strongly, but i've recently become more aware of some glaring issues with my own parents that are making me look at her in a more positive light. and she is a complete angel to me as a parent, and to her granddaughter, so i can't complain about that.
I was very put off with my MIL in the beginning of my marriage and it got worse for a bit when ds1 was born. He was MINE and I felt like she shouldn't think she had any claim to him. I don't remember exactly what the event was that snapped me out of it, but I eventually became the mother to 3 boys and I sure hope my DILs never act the way I did. My MIL never had anything but the best intentions and I was a brat. And just like my family adores my kids b/c they are mine, dh's family adores my kids b/c they are his and I hope I'm given the opportunity to adore my grandchildren one day.
Wife to an amazing man , mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) , and ds3 (9/26/10) . Part time librarian, full time mommy, occasional chef and maid.
I think that it's a few things. Firstly, I think that there is often an undercurrent of "My baby is perfect" from MILs, referring to our husbands. It's a lot easier to blame a pushy/annoying/aggressive wife than it is to admit that your son is an adult and able to make choices you might not agree with. I totally don't think it's a conscious thing for most MILs, but that it's still there.
I also think that there's a feeling that we, DILs and sons, make different choices means that we're accusing MILs of having done a bad job of raising kids. Sometimes that might even be true, but a lot of the time it's not at all the case. Still, I think it's easier to feel that way about DILs because we're not their kids and they didn't raise us directly.
I think this is the case with MIL and myself. Any time I say something about ds MIL ALWAYS going on a 10 minute story about what *her* son did and how he did it better and whatever. It really gets old. DS has autism and there are certain things he needs to thrive. MIL is getting better about this but she used to go on and on about how ds was fine, he didn't need this or that or the other thing and that she did it X way with her son so I should do it X way with ds and if I just did everything the same way she did with dh then my ds would be perfectly fine. I think if I was able to say something, anything, without MIL comparing it to her parenting we wouldn't have so many issues. A perfect example- we told MIL over the weekend that I am pregnant. I cannot tell you how many stories I heard over this last weekend about what I need to do during pregnancy, or not do, because that's the way she did it. DH and I were going to Babies R Us and decided to invite MIL along. She had an opinion about EVERYTHING we picked out. It didn't matter what it was- it was wrong because it wasn't the same as she had with dh. We were looking at high chairs. We had already decided that we were going to get one of those that attach to a regular chair so we were looking at those. MIL started objecting and saying "you certainly don't want one of those. No way. You need one like this. This is similar to what I had with Jason and it worked great for us so this is what you need to get". Thankfully dh stood his ground and didn't let MIL bully him into changing his mind.
Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)
I have a kind of hard relationship with my own mother. I moved far away and for more than 10 years only had to see her face to face once a year, if that. We get along great on the phone, it's just that when we have to be together a lot we drive each other nuts. Anyway, after being mostly free from a mother relationship, at least on the day-to-day level, to all of a sudden have a MIL expecting to have that kind of thing was just too much. So I was always cold towards her, and eventually did have a big talk about it and I told her how my mom was totally smothery and how the relationship with her (MIL) brought all of that up for me. She totally got it, and backed off. This was years ago, and by now I have really come to love her like a mother. She is no longer all in my face, and has been tremendously helpful since we've had the baby. She is also pretty respectful of our parenting decisions. I guess for us it just took time.
Mama since 2010
Multicultural living in Europe
I think that it's a few things. Firstly, I think that there is often an undercurrent of "My baby is perfect" from MILs, referring to our husbands. It's a lot easier to blame a pushy/annoying/aggressive wife than it is to admit that your son is an adult and able to make choices you might not agree with. I totally don't think it's a conscious thing for most MILs, but that it's still there.
I also think that there's a feeling that we, DILs and sons, make different choices means that we're accusing MILs of having done a bad job of raising kids. Sometimes that might even be true, but a lot of the time it's not at all the case. Still, I think it's easier to feel that way about DILs because we're not their kids and they didn't raise us directly.
My MIL is not really like this, but my own mom totally is! She is kind of horrible to my SIL, and she often makes comments about their parenting of my nephews in front of the nephews (and now she's starting with little comments to me). As some PP have mentioned, without the history and the relationship it's harder to understand where the MIL is coming from. My SIL has a really hard time with my mom (extreme dislike bordering on hate- my mom told my brother not to sign the birth certificate because there was a minuscule chance he wasn't the dad! In the hospital, in front of SIL's family!!!) and can't understand how my brother and I deal with some of her antics. We can only shrug and say "Well, that's just mom!"
My MIL is a very nice, friendly person, and we generally get along just fine; however, DH and I lived with them for about 4 months towards the end of my pregnancy and things got really weird. We were intending to stay for a while after DS was born (I'm in school and not working, we just wanted to save some $), but some strange combo of pregnancy hormones and overall frustration of living with other people took over, and I totally freaked out. We moved into an apartment exactly one month before my EDD and MIL took it pretty hard, and it was weird between us for a while. She let my DH have it, but never confronted me about it, which certainly contributed to the tension, but now that DS is here, and they are very involved with him, it's passing. She is actually the most supportive of my hippie AP ways, more so than my own family (if only she'd get over the fact that we're not circ'ing him - we're Jewish, it just doesn't compute). It's not perfect, and they still occasionally rub me the wrong way, but I'm much more relaxed in my own space so the little stuff doesn't bug me anymore.
ETA: this whole thread makes me think what kind of MIL I will be one day ... I think I'd go crazy if my DS married some idiot who didn't want to breastfeed or had an elective C-Section ... then she'd be bitching about how crazy I am, LOL!
Mama to my sweet boy O age 4; baby girl lost at 13 wks, July '14 ~ I'm a nerdy, treehugging, polytheist lady and a professional herbalist. Three candles that illume every darkness: Truth, Nature, Knowledge. - Triads of Ireland
I'm increadibly lucky. I actually talk to my MIL more than DH does and consider her a friend, even though we are very different. I think part of the reason though, is she's had time to let go. DH was a 32 yr old divorcee when we married. She was nervous for him because of the situation, but long ago realized that he is a grown up and kept her concerns to herself.
Now that I have sons ( a long way from dating) I understand the need to protect them. And the idea of some woman (that might not "deserve" him) taking my place as the center of his world stings a little. I really think a lot of it boils down to jealousy. The same jealousy and protectiveness that makes a lot of women hate their DH's ex, or their brother's girlfriend can make a woman resent the time he spends with his mother and vice versa. Heaven forbid that other woman hurts the man we love. Despite the fact that *he* chooses how to handle that other relationship we tend to blame her. It's irrational
We are both alpha females and I have a very hard time with her constant criticisms. Her "helpfulness" while we are living with her makes me want to run screaming. Constant nagging and harassment about what my DS needs to do and the way she blatantly ignores how I want to raise him. She feeds him junky trash all the time and then makes comments about how fat he is. Every *single* day, she "reminds" me that I need to go pick up my son from school.
"Are you going to pick up DS today?" "Isn't it time to go pick up DS?""Doesn't DS need to take a bath?" Does DS need to brush his teeth?" "Shouldn't DS be outside playing?" "Doesn;t DS need a hat?" "Should DS be wearing that shirt?" "DS can;t jump in TaeKwonDo like the other kids."
I want to smack her. Instead, I say nothing. We are in her house, and she is a controlling critical woman who will never ever change. There is nothing I can do about it. I mostly ignore her because trying to please her and anticipate her thoughts and desires is exhausting and I am never able to do it exactly as she wants.
I'm increadibly lucky. I actually talk to my MIL more than DH does and consider her a friend, even though we are very different. I think part of the reason though, is she's had time to let go. DH was a 32 yr old divorcee when we married. She was nervous for him because of the situation, but long ago realized that he is a grown up and kept her concerns to herself.
Now that I have sons ( a long way from dating) I understand the need to protect them. And the idea of some woman (that might not "deserve" him) taking my place as the center of his world stings a little. I really think a lot of it boils down to jealousy. The same jealousy and protectiveness that makes a lot of women hate their DH's ex, or their brother's girlfriend can make a woman resent the time he spends with his mother and vice versa. Heaven forbid that other woman hurts the man we love. Despite the fact that *he* chooses how to handle that other relationship we tend to blame her. It's irrational
That is the most honest appraisal of the MIL/DIL relationship that I have seen.
I think a lot of people make valid points about issues that are likely with a lot of MILs, but I think that maybe a couple that have been touched on are the most basic/inescapable. First, the fact that the two of you are in a close and (theoretically, of course) permanent relationship without having chosen each other or even formed each other in any way, and second, the inculturated (and probably accurate) feeling that on some level, they're always judging you and your adequacy as, essentially, their replacement.
Once we're adults, generally speaking there's no real reason for us to form a lasting, close relationship with someone that we're not fairly compatible with--except this one. I say lasting and close because I think those both matter a lot--if the relationship were going to be temporary, we wouldn't care nearly as much--and if it weren't supposed to be close ("mother", for goodness sake), we probably also wouldn't care. If/when there are other people in my life--casual friends, neighbors, whatever--who are sufficiently different from me that we have to stay on the level of civility, then no one really cares. That's fine and to be expected. But with my MIL I always regret that we can't find our way to be closer, because dang it, we're family. But we don't choose our in-laws, and there's no guarantee whatsoever that we'll have anything in common or compatible belief systems. My MIL is a saint of a MIL and grandma and a woman I can find plenty of reason to respect on a lot of levels, but we differ on too many fundamentals and I try to be accepting of the fact that ultimately, we'll never be "friends", just basically civil. And there's no interaction between our differences, though I can't express this part well. I differ from my mother on a lot of points, too, of course, some pretty basic, but I know what they are and I know how to just avoid them, without much extra effort on my part, because she raised me. With my MIL, both of us are constantly walking on eggshells in an effort to not offend, and basically every time we're together, I have an amusing story of how I failed and almost certainly shocked my poor MIL with some statement or action or another to tell my husband when he gets home. It's funny then, but it's also TIRING. I think that actually all the same things irritate both my husband and I about both of our mothers, but, well, my mother is my mother, fundamentally, and his is his. (Though you'll forgive me for being grateful that his mother figured out well before me that her son was very little like her and that she'd never really understand him and was big enough to just accept him.)
The second thing I mentioned is the "judging her replacement" thing, which as far as I can tell is perfectly valid. My MIL never says anything direct, never criticizes, not even passive-agressively, but sometimes the tongue-biting itself is palpable, you know? I KNOW she thinks I'm not a very good housekeeper (which is valid enough on the one hand, and a good example of how biological and legal relationship is different. My mother can understand that my standards differ radically from my reality because my health and energy levels are never what they should be, but to a MIL who hasn't seen these health problems up close, that's going to sound like an excuse at best). She probably has problems with my parenting too. Why wouldn't she? I would, in her position. We disagree, and while we can avoid it in conversation, it's gonna be obvious enough in practice. Of course that's going to annoy her!
Those two points, for us, add up to a fairly tense relationship without need for any greater dysfunction, and those two dynamics are going to exist, I would think, in all but the luckiest of MIL-DIL relationships. I wish it were otherwise. My MIL drives up once a week (from an hour away) to help with Evelyn and around the house, and every time it's a mix of anticipation of the help and dread of the eggshell-walking for me. Sigh.
My mother outlaw is a culturally-inept drama harpie. She thinks her lifestyle preferences are the 'default' setting of humanity. You don't have to have a PhD in Ethics/Anthropolgy/Religious Studies to ask questions and adapt yourself a bit, but to meet her you'd never know it. When we told her of our first baby, instead of saying 'congrats', she demanded to know whose last name the baby would get. When I said 'mine', she stormed out of the room. She can kiss my butt. Does this provide insight to your original question?
Great post and replies. I think it often boils down to irrational jealousy. My MIL feels like I've taken her good son away from her. Our happiness upsets her and I think it's because she's not happy. She's pining away for a man (FIL) who she's been divorced from for over 20 years. She talks about him like he's the worst person on earth to anyone who'll listen but still has photos of him all over her apartment and when given the opportunity acts like they are still a couple.
In spite of the things she's done that have personally effected me, I would probably be able to be more friendly with her if I thought she had good qualites about her in spite of how she's treated me but truthfully, I don't like her. I don't think she's a good person and I think she's been a lousy mother to her children. Trying to make DH her defacto husband when her own husband left her. Normally, I feel a great deal of empathy for a woman whose husband leaves her but her personality is so insufferable, if I can barely take her for an hour at a time, I'm not sure how FL stood her for as long as he did and it's not like he's father of the year but MIL shared things with her children about their father that should really be kept between a man and a woman. Things that I am shocked my DH even knows. Exposing children to that info for the purpose of manipulating them is just horrible.
I think MIL's and DIL's have huge issues because MIL's often dont want to let go of their son and DIL's dont want another woman in their life that we have to answer to, explain things to, defend our beliefs to, and attempt to please. I know in my case, my MIL def. doesnt see me as her kid, but Im somehow supposed to treat her with the respect Id give my own parents.
This really is it for me, in terms of what seems to generally happen. I have 2 MILs because DH's parents divorced when he was young, remarried and each had more kids. So he's got mom and stepmom, dad and stepdad. I'm very lucky because I love ALL of them, they really are all wonderful.
But I see it in so many families, the competition some MILs seem to feel with their DIL's because, as Adaline's Mama said, "No one is good enough for my perfect son!" And also the mothering choices... seeing another woman parent MILs son's child I think brings up all this "Well, that's now how I did it, so it can't be right" competition. I know some feel that from their own moms as well, but it seems rampant with MILs.
Yeah, there is definitely a jealousy with my MIL. She thinks I stole him from her. If I hadn't come along, he'd still be living with her and would probably be supporting her financially now that she is retired. This isn't true, this never would have been the case but I think she blames me for his joining the army. I know she at least used to think (but probably still does think) that I am the reason he doesn't call her often. I actually used to encourage him to call and email. It was his choice not to. No, had I not come along he still would have ran away to the military. She doesn't know it but our getting together almost had him backing out of the Army because he didn't think it was right to leave me. She ran him off and I could have made him stay. She sees it exactly the opposite though.
As I said though in my last post, she is a sick woman who is seriously passive aggressive. She can lay on a guilt trip literally just by saying hello. It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever experienced and never would have believed is possible. She just has this tone of voice though.. and it is her main tone of voice. She has one other and rarely do you hear it. It is a happier tone that actually sounds more normal and it only comes out when husband is in a good mood and willing to talk about memories and play her old games and eat the foods she is positive are his favorites because she doesn't get that he is no longer an 8 year old boy anymore.
She is stuck in the past and I think just blames me for it no longer existing. For her sake though, I think she WANTS to like me. She needs to be healthier I think to achieve that and she is unwilling to do what is necessary to be healthy.
I think MIL's and DIL's have huge issues because MIL's often dont want to let go of their son and DIL's dont want another woman in their life that we have to answer to, explain things to, defend our beliefs to, and attempt to please. I know in my case, my MIL def. doesnt see me as her kid, but Im somehow supposed to treat her with the respect Id give my own parents.
And this:
I think, in general, some of the tension comes from the lack of an organic relationship. The only reason I know my MIL is because I married her son. DH and I met while he was out of state at college and she was 3 states away. DH and I had time to forge a relationship slowly, but I was forced into a familial relationship with my In-laws rather quickly. There wasn't time to get to know each other bit by bit.
I also think that MIL's are so used to seeing themselves in the role of mother, they sometimes forget that their children's children are not their children by extension.
My MIL is generally pretty respectful, but even so, there are times when she forgets that she is not the main decision-maker when it comes to DD. I'm talking little things - eg DD might ask for something potentially off-limits (eg candy), and MIL will say yes without asking me first, even though I'm right there. In my case, it's pretty minor, but I know many MILs do it on a much grander scale.
Annoying as it is, I think it's somewhat understandable - imagine you've been the mom in charge for several decades, then suddenly someone 30 years your junior is in charge of a baby and wants to do things their way, with no input from you. I can see how that might be difficult to get used to.
Another thing - I have a lot of trouble discussing issues with my in-laws. If my mother & I are getting on each other's nerves, we have no qualms about talking it over. If my MIL is bugging me, I feel like I have to be polite so I just grin and bear it.
Mama to a preschooler and a baby.
OP, is it possible that you are irritated by the things your MIL does because she's doing them with an expectation of something in return? An unwanted gift from a friend may be no big deal, but from someone who is seeking attention or gratitude or love or more time with you it can be very irritating! Not really a gift at all in other words.
I'm surprised by how many feel jealousy from their MIL's. I guess I just didn't think it was that common. I am blessed to have a very emotionally healthy MIL. There are habits I have from my parents that I am sure drive her a little nuts when we are visiting them (as in staying at their house, we don't live close). They are the same things that drove dh nuts when we were newly married but dh and I have had the chance to work them out.
I do remember when ds was just a few days old, my MIL (who is an IBCLC) looked at me nursing him and sighed and said she was really relieved that I was breastfeeding! She said she could handle a lot of different parenting decisions, but she'd have had a really hard time being polite if I didn't want to breastfeed.
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24 hours without water and I weighed in at 67.4kg to compete in the 67.5kg class in the Seattle Summer Classic! I'd been mostly Olympic weightlifting but have powerlifted before in March so I decided to do this one as well.
Extremely easy. I like to go pretty light on my first squat though, get any nervousness out of me.
Still quite easy. This is my current max, still going ATG.
I was originally going to do just 160kg, but my gym owner was there and suggested 162.5. Glad he did, because it still went up, though I had a bit of a halt on the way up. I also didn't go as deep as I like to, maybe an inch or two high, but it's still below parallel. New PR though.
Went up fairly easily, but my warm-ups I felt quite shaky. I had a feeling my bench might be a bit weak today.
Close to my current max. Still somewhat easy, though slower than the last lift. Maybe I should have opened lighter and had my second attempt lighter.
Last max was 264lbs in March. This one just did not go up at all. I think I screwed up breathing up, because I let kind of a breath out in my struggling a second after I started the press. I wouldn't feel so bad about it if it had gone up at least a little bit. Oh well!
Both lifts were quite easy. I hate doing the deadlift because you stand just RIGHT in front of the crowd, so I basically just walk up to it and pull.
Pretty shaky, but went up. New PR.
Kind of lost interesting powerlifting though... was bored at some points while waiting for my lifts. Definitely going to go into weightlifting for now. Still a nice meet though. Very hot in the room, but I like it that way. Some pics of me during the meet (camera batteries died, and my friend wasn't very good at operating my camera, so not the best pics):

subset: commoncrawl


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Blockheads Shavery
Neighborhood Food Crawl: Best Eats In Little Osaka / Sawtelle Blvd.
Our favorite places to eat on Sawtelle Blvd's Little Osaka.
Best Shave Ice In Los Angeles
Unlike snow cones, shave ice is fluffy, compact and is a completely different experience full of texture and flavor. Shaved ice is the perfect cool treat to enjoy this summer.


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KISW Pain in the Grass: Alice in Chains, Janes Addiction and Coheed And Cambria
Sat, Sep 7, 2013 1:30 pm
Gorge Amphitheatre, George, WA
Sorry, this event has already taken place. Please see similar events below.
- Pain In The Grass Tickets
- Alice in Chains Tickets
- Janes Addiction Tickets
- Coheed and Cambria Tickets


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Current Undergraduate
Student News
Pacific Information Center Summer Hours and Location
During the summer, the Pacific Information Center will be located in Clark Hall with normal business hours 9 am to 5 pm.
Professor Jules Boykoff Cited in Associated Press Story on the Resignation of FIFA President Sepp Blatter
Dr. Boykoff's thoughts appear in an Associated Press story published by more than 250 news agencies, including industry leaders USA Today and The New York Times.
Forest Grove Campus to Become Smoke-free on Sunday, May 31
A policy change enacted last year goes into effect on World No Tobacco Day.
Forest Grove Campus Capital Improvements Planned for Summer
Updated May 19, 2015. Facilities Management will embark on several projects this summer to enhance the Forest Grove Campus and University Avenue.
Spring Commencement Brings Graduates, Families Together for Celebration
Pacific University held its 2015 spring commencement exercises on Saturday, May 16 at Hanson Stadium on the Forest Grove Campus.
Professor Jules Boykoff Receives Fulbright Award
Dr. Boykoff will travel to Brazil later this year to research the politics, economics and social issues of the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro.
Center for Peace & Spirituality Releases Annual Report
The Pacific University Center for Peace and Spirituality (CPAS) has released an Annual Report for the 2014-2015 academic year.
Updated Smoke-Free Tobacco Use Policy Goes Into Effect on May 31
In conjunction with World No Tobacco Day, Pacific University's updated Smoke-Free Tobacco Policy takes effect.


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Archive: October, 2009
Phils flu bug subsiding; Lidge was among the afflicted
Andy MartinoThe flu-like illness that afflicted several Phillies over the past few days appears to be subsiding, and the team was fortunate that Friday was a scheduled day off. That allowed closer Brad Lidge and pinch-hitter Greg Dobbs to recover in time for Game 3. General manger Ruben Amaro Jr. said Friday... Read more
They shared a house, now they share a World Series
Andy MartinoSitting in rocking chairs on the back porch, sipping beers, the three friends would talk about it: What if we could all play in the World Series someday? In the Oakland home they rented together as young teammates on the Athletics, Joe Blanton, Nick Swisher and Chad Gaudin allowed their late-night... Read more
Blanton will start Game 4
Andy MartinoHello from another workout day, where Charlie Manuel announced minutes ago that Joe Blanton will start Game 4 for the Phils. He said that since Cliff Lee had never pitched on short rest, he did nto feel comfortable asking him to do so during the World Series. More to come, gotta head down the field... Read more
Dobbs sent home, undergoing tests
Andy MartinoGreg Dobbs might have earned a starting assignment as the designated hitter in Game 2 of the World Series, but an illness prevented him from even joining his teammates at the ballpark. Dobbs has "the flu," according to manager Charlie Manuel. Any mention of the flu this year conjures... Read more
Francisco's big moment, Phillies hand cramps
Andy MartinoGood evening from Game 1, staged in an overpriced, taxpayer-thieving, Bronx parkland-destroying, Disney-fied facsimile of the real Yankee Stadium. The rain stopped several hours ago, and it's not a bad night for postseason baseball. A few pregame notes: Ben Francisco watched the Phillies celebrate... Read more
The rich get richer, the poor get...Carlos Carrasco?
Andy MartinoCliff Lee and CC Sabathia will make for a nice subplot when they face one another on Wednesday night to open the World Series at Yankee Stadium. But the two lefthanders also represent the persistent problem of competitive imbalance in MLB, a problem worth pointing out as these two well-heeled teams... Read more
For Myers, it was all about the heel
Andy MartinoBrett Myers moved his left heel a few inches, and ended up on the World Series roster. The veteran righthander, who pitched one ineffective inning in the division series and was excluded from the National League Championship Series roster, was added to the team once again. He replaced utilityman... Read more
What the Yankees are saying about the Phillies
Andy MartinoUPDATE: Brett Myers in on the World Series roster, replacing Miguel Cairo. The team's rationale was that Myers looked much improved throwing two simualted games and two bullpen sessions this week, and there were too few off days in the series to go without 12 pitchers. Also, the DH in the AL park... Read more
Phils pumped to face Yankees; rotation and roster notes
Andy MartinoAs promised, here are more detailed notes. Charlie Manuel is still ducking a lot of concrete questions about the roster and rotation. That's probably because few decisions have been made, as team brass continues to meet and discuss. As you know, Cliff Lee will face the Yankees' CC Sabathia... Read more
Early notes from workout day
Andy MartinoCouple of quick notes before I head down to the field for the workout. More detailed stuff to come. --Very little hard news this morning, and the rotation remains a mystery beyond Cliff Lee Wednesday. Still, no one would be surprised to see Pedro Martinez starting Game 2 in da Bronx. What would... Read more
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Harden is a POS hate that guy!
Type: Posts; User: Mr.SmackYoMama
Harden is a POS hate that guy!
I just wanted to get your number so that i can buy whatever it is you're smoking brotha seriously LMAO!!!!
I don't agree with what you are saying exactly but I just wanted to comment on the Kap pic.....That's ****ing GREAT I love that he blows and some ******* has a ****** tat of him on his back for life...
LOL!! Yea that's it
Nobody said giving them better tools changes how the game was meant to be played.....REPLACING UMPIRES WITH TECHNOLOGY DOES......... You know I was referring to the question that was asked!
Leave the game how it was meant to be played things don't always work your way. As long as the umps aren't betting and making terrible calls on purpose just leave it as is.
Dope!! Class act
I heard he was gonna get suspended for the rest of the season but he went home and beat his GF so he got a 1 game suspension instead! :0)
DISCLAIMER: I do not condone any sort of Domestic Violence...
I think they might be able to contend for the 7th/8th seed but only if Cousins and Rondo don't kill each other first IDK if they are mature enough to co-exist> I understand that Cousins attitude has...
Whatever helps you sleep at night :0)
Here's a stat for you Melo took The Nuggets to the Conference Finals and they are out of the West! :0)
Mcfadden.... :0(
OP you my friend are a joke! I'm sorry but jeezus you are all over the place and absolutely nobody agrees with you like not even 1 single person who has posted.
^^^ Nice!! That makes a ton of sense I just couldn't figure out why these prominent positions are being given out to people with ZERO experience.
Yes this is what i meant sorry i should have worded it differently. Kidd, Fisher, Lue, Fox for example
I can't seem to remember a time where recently retired players are being looked at for head coaching positions. Idk if it's an explosion or I haven't been paying close enough attention but it seems...
White people hate Lebron because they assume he's French and when they find out that he's nothing more than an ******** (American) they get all pissy!
Waaa Waaa Waaa Waaa Waaaa!!!!
Poor Football we tried to tell him he was just slightly deflated nothing a few pumps couldn't fix.....and he went nutz!
I don't know if anyone agrees but looking at his highlights I feel like NFL players are going to be able to break alot of his tackes. He gets there faster than anyone but I think finishing the tackle...
Get Jerry F'in Sloan in here NOW!!!!!!!!
Flour tortillas are better than corn :0)
Cheetos make my fingers orange!


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Build Your Dream Business
Imagine it is the year 2020. The Wall Street Journal is doing a story on your business.
What is the headline?
Take some time and think about it.
The answer to that simple question could be the difference between you building your dream business or just being average.
What Your Article Would Say About You
How would that article answer some of these questions?
- Who does your business serve?
- What problems do you solve for your customers or clients?
- Why do people buy from you rather than from one of your competitors?
- How big is your business?
- Who are the people that work there?
- What is your role?
In business, thinking about how to answer these types of questions is strategic work. Strategic work is considerably different than the tactical work you do day in and day out; like answering emails, serving customers, training staff, putting out fires, creating an advertisement, updating your social media, doing the books, networking, following up with people, and, on and on and on.
Dreaming about what you want your business to become is some of the most valuable work you could be doing. Unfortunately, dreaming about the future feels like you are not being productive, so you just don't allow yourself to do it when there is "real" work to do.
A Dream Come True?
Of course just having a dream about your future is not enough to make it happen. You also need a plan. Envisioning where you want to take your business and creating a plan to make it happen is the essence of strategic planning.
You know you need a plan to run your business better. All of the business books tell you that the "most successful businesses" all have a plan. Of course, you would prefer to run your business from a plan. Many business owners embark on creating an annual strategic plan. For some it has become a habit that enables them to continue to grow year after year. For most, it becomes an annual exercise in futility. You spend your time and staff time creating your plan that frankly doesn't get looked at again until…well, the next year this time.
Your reality is that maybe you have a rough plan of what you are suppose to do each week. The truth is very few business owners work from a plan; or spend any time articulating how they intend to run, manage and grow their business.
Business Growth by Design
Strategic planning is not as complicated as you may think and the best managed businesses treat strategic planning as a business process and not an annual event. The typical strategic planning process has these four basic steps:
- Update the plan annually
- Execute the plan weekly
- Track and monitor the results quarterly
- Making adjustments and updates as need dictates
Because your business is unique there is no one-size fits all strategic plan you can make your plan. With our business coaching clients we use a strategic planning framework that is flexible and adaptable to each client's needs. We call our version of strategic planning the Business Design PlanTM because it will help you design, build and grow your dream business. It is both a framework to create and execute your strategic plan. It is centered on just three questions. You can get your plan started by answering these three questions:
1. Where are you now?
As you think about where your firm is now, look to see if you have the foundational elements of your strategic plan in place: your core values and core purpose. These two elements rarely change and they probably will not require a lot of time to revisit or potentially revise. Here is where you want to step back and "see how you are doing?" You can do this by:
Analyzing Key Metrics - As Jim Collins wrote in Good to Great "you need to confront the brutal facts". Pull all of your key numbers together and understand your business's current performance.
Conducting a SWOT Analysis - This is a traditional strategic planning tool. It helps you to understand and evaluate your company's Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats.
Together your Key Metrics plus your SWOT analysis paint a picture of where you are now.
2. Where are you going?
This is the "dreaming" part. You want to envision the most ideal future for you and your business. For many owners this is the hardest part of strategic planning, trying to envision what your organization will look like in the future. As the economy has demonstrated over the past few years, almost everything seems unstable and unpredictable. So how exactly are you supposed to predict the future of your business?
You probably can't. But you can create your future.
It starts with envisioning what your business will look like at some future date. You may have some revenue targets and other goals you would like to achieve. Go further. Describe how your company must look, feel and act in order to become your dream business. Use the questions at the beginning of this article (the Wall Street Journal questions) to paint a picture of your dream business. The value to answering these questions is they will enable you to be more intentional about designing and building your business.
3. How will we get there?
Now that you know where you want to go, you'll need to determine how you will get there. What are the specific strategies you will use to reach your destination? Usually there are multiple routes you may take. The path one business might choose may not be exactly right for you. Brainstorm and choose the best strategies for you. This "strategizing" will drive your strategic planning process.
Important strategic areas you will want to work on include:
- Your life design strategy
- Marketing strategy
- Client service strategy
- People strategy
- Organizational strategy
- Management strategy
- Succession and exit strategy
Actions Speak Louder than Plans
In order to reach your long term vision of your dream business you next need to covert your vision and strategies into action plans that focus on what to do in the short-term. For each strategic priority you need an action plan. Each plan will include the deliverable, action steps, responsibilities, costs and due dates.
Now is the best time to decide what your 2020 Wall Street Journal article will say about you. You still have the opportunity to intentionally design your future. It is easy to get caught up in the urgency of getting through each day. Don't fall into that trap. Dedicate some of your time to your long term dream and strategic plan. There are multiple reasons why having a strategic plan is an imperative:
- Adding new business
- Increased revenues
- Higher profits
- Increased valuation
- Getting your team on the same page
The overlooked and more valuable role strategic planning plays in your business is that it helps you clarify your dream. Which enables you to take consistent actions toward that dream. This in turn results in a much more enjoyable business ownership experience. This work will help you design the life and business you want.
We offer Annual Strategic Plan coaching and facilitation. Contact us to get more information.Read more
Five Strategies to Improve Employee Motivation
Happy, motivated employees are something every business owner wants because those employees are more productive. Job performance is a function of ability plus motivation. Assuming your people have the ability, what motivates your employees? Do you know? If not, how can you motivate them?
Motivating employees is a core component of most management training. If you've had any type of training in management and motivation theory, it may have, in part, been based on the work of Frederick Herzberg. He was a pioneer and a thought leader on the subject of employee motivation from the 1960′s through the 1980′s. His theory asserts that the most powerful motivator in our lives isn't money. It's the opportunity to learn, grow in responsibilities, contribute to others and be recognized for achievements.
Can You Improve Employee Motivation?
These are important and fundamental concepts to understand if you want to improve your team's productivity and performance. Why? Because now you know where to start when thinking about how to help motivate your people. Your first job as a manager of people is to help them be more successful. You do that by having clear goals and accountabilities, documented systems and ongoing training and development. Then, utilizing behavioral coaching, you deliver positive feedback to recognize good work and habits. In just a very short time, you'll see your employees' motivation and performance improve.
A contemporary, Daniel H. Pink, has written several books on the topic of motivation. One I would recommend is his book titled Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. You can also watch the video of his TED talk right here (about 18 minutes) to get a brief overview of this theory:
Pink's research shows that intrinsic motivation – doing things we enjoy, things that matter, things that are interesting or part of something important – is more motivating than extrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is the carrot vs. stick approach – reward or punishment. He cites the three most important intrinsic elements of motivation are autonomy, mastery and purpose.
5 Strategies to Improve Employee Motivation
Based the concepts outlined by these two experts, here are 5 strategies you can start to apply in your business to motivate your people:
- Achievement – put your people in a position to achieve their goals; nothing breeds success, like success.
- Positive feedback – recognize your people when they do things right.
- Autonomy – understand their need to direct their own work and determine how to leverage that in your business
- Mastery – provide opportunities for your people to learn and encourage their desire to improve.
- Purpose – connect your business purpose with each individual's work and their own personal purpose and desire to contribute to something beyond just a job.
Just by employing these strategies, you have the basis of your operating system for managing and motivating employees. Now, you have to put it into practice. Make applying these five strategies part of your personal weekly goals and activities and you will see improved employee performance because your people are happy and motivated.
Why Do I Need a Strategic Plan?
Most business owners do not plan very often or very effectively. You have seen more than one study which proves that companies that use a strategic plan are more successful than those that don't. I know you already know planning works. Yet you don't plan.
I am not trying to lecture or scold you, but rather point out the reasons why most business owners do not plan. Because when you understand the reasons you can then choose to do something about it. Here are the common reasons I hear:
- Too small to have a strategic plan
- Do not have the time to plan
- We are already successful, why do we need a strategic plan now
- Do not see the benefit of planning
- Things change too fast to have plan
- I don't like planning
- I do not know how to do strategic planning
Why Plan?
It doesn't matter if you're stuck, already in your comfort zone, or you desire additional growth, there are multiple benefits to strategic business planning. Here are four fundamental reasons why planning is not just necessary, but essential:
- Clarity – it compels you to focus on the long term.
- Working ON It – it allows you to recognize the need for and manage change.
- Prevents Commoditization – it helps you find and keep a competitive differentiation.
- Engages and Inspires – it enables you to communicate and involve your team in setting the direction and building of the business.
Planning is a Critical Strategic Process
Your strategic business plan is the plan you use as a road-map to execute your strategy and reach your envisioned future. This is not the business plan you would put together for financing. This type of plan is something you will actually use to run and grow your business.
It doesn't matter if you prefer to call this type of plan a business plan, a strategic plan or a growth plan. Documenting your plan is extremely important, but understand the physical plan itself is not the most important part of planning. The real critical activity is the process of planning – the way you and your team create, discuss and update your strategic plan.
The real value is in the ongoing process and not the physical document. Of all the tools available to the business owner, strategic business planning is perhaps the most powerful for moving your company forward and giving you the feeling you're in control. There is an opportunity for every business owner to grow more effectively and more strategically by making strategic business planning a standard process in your business.
Read more
The Business Owners Magic Pill
The one thing that will solve all of your problems
Sometimes a small business owner will come to The Renaissance Group looking for the proverbial "magic pill". You know that one thing that will solve all of your problems, right away. Because if you can just solve all of your current problems, then you will be happy, profitable, and have more time to do all the things you would like to do.
Unfortunately, this is not what we do…mainly because there is no one thing; there is no one book, no one coaching program, no one training session, no one piece of technology, etc. that will make you happy and solve all of your business frustrations.
A better way to approach this concept of a "magic pill" is to understand there is no magic pill.
Once you understand this, now you can actually get to the underlying cause of your challenges and begin to improve and move forward. If you study how successful companies grow their businesses you will eventually realize there is no one growth strategy they all use. Successful businesses come in all shapes and sizes. They do not have one formula, or set of steps that works every time. There is more than one way to grow a business, which in turn means you can stop searching for your "magic pill" as just one thing. Start looking for all of he things the most successful companies share.
Success does leave clues. What all of these most successful companies do have in common is that they all focus their time, energy and resources on the areas of the business that actually drives growth. There are 5 critical areas they focus on. You might think of them as ingredients in your success formula. Interestingly the companies that get stuck and reach a plateau often overlook some or all of these areas. They are the missing ingredients preventing them from sustained growth over time.
The five critical ingredients to create your own magic pill are:
- Clarity – It is hard to move forward and grow if you are not clear about what your business must look like and accomplish, in order to provide you with the lifestyle you desire.
- Strategic Work – There will be a gap between where you are today and where you want to go – your clear future. Strategic work determines how you will move forward; your clear path. It is an ongoing business practice in the best managed companies; it is a random event in the others.
- Planning – The best managed small businesses understand that planning is the habit required to implement your strategy, reach your goals and achieve your vision. Unfortunately, most companies don't plan, or don't plan well or consistently.
- Systems – It is difficult to replicate your success, continuously improve, and train staff without documented business systems. Standard operating procedures and documented systems are missing from the majority of small businesses. This makes it difficult to grow both effectively and efficiently.
- Leadership and Management Skills – Are required to inspire your team, create and execute your strategic plan and develop your people.
With these ingredients in place you will be astounded by the freedom, control, time and income you receive from your business. Doing the right things day-in and day-out is all the magic you will need to be a happy successful business owner. It turns out your magic pill is understanding where the most successful companies spend their time and energy and then spending your time and energy on these areas.Read more
A Checklist for Sustainable Growth
What accounts for the fact that a small group of business owners can sustain growth over the years, while the majority of businesses reach a plateau and get stuck?
When it comes to managing their businesses, the most successful owners are clear about what they want to accomplish and act intentionally and deliberately. These "intentional" owners, who greatly outpace their peers in terms of net income, recognize that true success does not happen accidentally or haphazardly. It takes a clear vision and a plan.
They move purposely as they create and act on their plans, focusing on the activities that bring them closer to their vision; collaborating with others who can help them reach their goals and acting with consistency to provide a top-quality client experience. They succeed on purpose. Clarity is critical.
Use this checklist to become more intentional and to sustain your growth over time:
✓ Clear Direction
✓ Clear Purpose
✓ Clearly Defined Target Market(s)
✓ Clear Value Proposition
✓ Clearly Defined Service Model with Service Standards
✓ Clear Action Plans
✓ Clear Accountabilities
Putting these pieces together in your business is simple, but it is not always easy. You may struggle to do this type of strategic work because you are so busy just trying to keep up each day. You are spending most of your time working in your business.
Use this checklist as your framework to work on your business and do the strategic work required to sustain your business growth. This type of work will bring additional clarity and focus to your company, which will lead to continually better results.
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This Is What Love in Action Looks Like
Morgan Jon Fox
Open iTunes to preview, buy, and download this movie.
Plot Summary
In the summer of 2005 a 16 year old in Memphis, TN wrote on his MySpace blog about his parents sending him to a "Fundamentalist Christian" program that strives to turn gay teens straight. This documentary follows the inspirational story of this teens local community standing up for their friend with daily protests at the facility in what would become an international news story. The documentary features several former clients of the organization who tell their personal stories about the time they spent within the programs walls.
Customer Reviews
Great film that really inspires you to listen rather than debate. This story is a great example of true love in action.
Inspiring and awesome
An inspiring and awesome film that shows the power in social media and protest.
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- Morgan
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- $9.99
- Genre: Documentary
- Released: 2011
- © 2011 Sawed-Off Collaboratory Productions


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YIELD: 2 servings
ACTIVE TIME: 45 minutes
TOTAL TIME: 45 minutes
Combine celery root, parsnips, and potato in large saucepan; add enough water to cover. Sprinkle generously with coarse salt. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium; cook until vegetables are very tender when pierced with sharp knife, about 20 minutes. Drain well. Return vegetables to pan and place over medium heat, stirring constantly until moisture evaporates, 2 to 3 minutes.
Working in batches if necessary, spoon vegetables into potato ricer; press into microwave-safe medium bowl. Add warm half and half and pink-peppercorn butter, if desired. mash until smooth. Season with coarse salt and black pepper. DO AHEAD: Can be made 1 hour ahead. Rewarm in microwave until heated through.


text: http://forum.xda-developers.com – I'm still a noob when it comes to Android. My 3D had a 1.30 hboot, and I rooted it with Revolutionary the day it was released back last summer. So I had been using the ICS CM9 rom that was first released several months ago (actually my phone was sitting in my drawer as I was waiting on an official ICS update) Anyway I flashed PG86IMG.zip from Virus http://forum.xda-developers.com/show...8#post29613228 and followed all the steps. Everything went smoothly. Now I wanted to return to CM9 or any other non-sense rom so I could use a bluetooth wiimote since I heard HTC sense roms don't (HowTos)


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We love art tips. Click here for more tips from this series. This is a favorite tip for the economical folks in the room: recycle your cardboard boxes and turn them into art panels. How did this all start? Well, we had a yard sale this past week. Can you hear my sigh of relief? I used to love having yard sales, but since having kids it's always been easier to take our … [Read more...]
Tips on How to Clean Up After a Creative Session with Kids
I've been asking my newsletter friends to share a creative hurdle that they face when it comes to hands-on making and creativity at home or school. One of the questions that comes up time and time again relates to cleaning up after creating. Is this a challenge that you face too? If so, you're definitely not alone! We all know that mess-making is part of the creative … [Read more...]
Art Tips: The Bits and Pieces Box
Today's art tip is brought to us by one of my very favorite creative mom bloggers, Ali Wright. This trick is so easy to put in motion -- and the payoff can be big. After reading it I'd bet that you won't look at scraps of paper quite the same way again. As Ali puts it, this is a" frugal way to supply the kids with interesting, varied and free materials." Hi, I'm Ali. I am a … [Read more...]
24 Tips for Cleaning up Art Messes with Children
What are your tried and true strategies for cleaning up art messes with your child? I presented this question to some friends and the smart crowd on my Facebook page, and they came back with a variety of ideas. Some of these are my own favorites, and a few are new-to-me. My hope is that you'll find an idea or two in here that will work for you too! Storage Everything … [Read more...]
Art Tips: Low-cost Stamps made from Cosmetic Wedges
Have you ever made a stamp from a cosmetic wedge? A few weeks ago I shared this art tip about how you can salvage paper scraps that are left behind on the art table, and I invited you to let me know here and on Facebook if this was a series worth exploring. Enough of you said "yes," that I thought I'd launch this new series and give it a whirl. Today's art tip Upcycle … [Read more...]


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NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
I've been a Linux user for 13 years. I had always avoided nvidia graphics cards because of the binary only drivers. I finally broke down and decided to give the card a try. But my Linux computer uses a kernel with Xen compiled in, a virtualization technology that lets my one computer run a number of different instances of Linux (and soon, Windows once the next generation of Intel and AMD chips with Pacifica virtualization technology are available) which allows me to consolidate a bunch of different servers into one box and make much better use of the hardware. It's more like a mainframe with efficient resource sharing. And the nvidia binary drivers won't work under a Xen kernel. I found this out after a day of trying to get the nvidia drivers to compile a custom interface for my kernel. I talked to the Xen developers and they confirmed my worst fears: It's just not going to work. If these drivers were distributed with the rest of the kernel like everything else this would have been a piece of cake. I have just returned from the store where I returned my Nvidia card. I should have known better than to think binary kernel modules would work out. I wish nvidia would either just GPL the drivers (it's the hardware that makes them money anyway isn't it?) or stop supporting Linux altogether so people would stop wasting time trying to get this stuff working because unless you have anything other than the simplest of systems it's going to drive you nuts. I know I'll never give nvidia another try until the driver problem is properly fixed.
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
Easy solution: just switch to FreeBSD/amd64 :D
So what's the deal with SMP safety in the latest drivers? Is that indeed broken? Are the lock statements in the binary code or the source wrapper?
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
No, it would allow everybody to see what level of optimization is in the drivers. A large part of the work of making a fast gaming card is figuring out what work you can skip without a human possibly noting it. A large part of this is done in the driver, not the hardware. Opening the drivers would mean that first the competitors can see how you do it and what the result of your research was, and that there will be a huge zealot backslash about all the things that the driver skips and very suddenly people start noticing.
That is all fine.
However, while I did buy NVidia's reasons not to opensource the graphics cards drivers I also think the fact that NForce SATA and GbE are also not documented to driver writers clearly shows that there is a large part of company politics involved here.
While I have no problem buying a complicated graphics card with no opensource drivers when the competitors don't give hardware docs either, I really don't see why I should trust a company which does not document hardware that the competitiors do document. And since it is the same company the SATA/GbE issue now makes me seriously considering buying other graphics cards in the future, too. I already avoid the mainboards.
Also, lets not forget that while both ATI and NVidia document enough of their modern cards to do 2D, the ATI driver does support TV and dual-head and the NVidia driver does not. The absense of power management in the nv driver also hurts pretty badly, leading to high power consumption while idle in 2D mode.
I bought a pretty good number of $200-$500 cards lately, all NVidia. If NVidia wants my continued business they will have to show some sign of interest in my business, which would be one or more of
Any one or more of these would put some faith back into me that NVidia is still a cool company. If they want my part of their core business, even while keeping the 3D driver closed, that would come in handy.
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
Apart from that, GPLing virtually any commercial product isn't exactly straightforward; most of the time there are bits and parts from your business partner or whatever 3rd-party who is unwilling to share their itellectual property under GPL. To put it brief: even if nVidia wanted to GPL their drivers, they probably couldn't do it without lots of trouble.
Just my two cents.
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
Also, you didn't really investigate into that: The kernel module is open source. Only the X11 driver is closed source. I doubt that you even really looked at the driver! I even doubt that you tried to install it, otherwise you would have seen that the kernel module gets compiled!
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
But it's still open enough to port it to NetBSD, which is way different from the Linux Kernel. So porting it to Xen should be even easier than to NetBSD.
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
Or freebsd is able to run everything in the world?
Ugh I hate trolls...
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
just a quick question...Has there been any major games ever that have been released on disc with a linux version?
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
Re: NVidia should STOP supporting Linux
yes that would, any other ones?
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I am a freelance photographer based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada and specialize in natural light photography. I began my photography journey 15 years ago shooting black and white film and developing my own prints in my darkroom. Now I mainly shoot digital but with an emphasis on natural light and as little digital editing as possible. I primarily work in portraiture (head shots, couples, families, newborns, pets) but also photograph motorized still life (cars, motorcycles, etc.), live concerts, and small weddings.
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My 6 month old is starting to crawl. Now I'm realizing we need a few baby items to make meals and showers happen smoother :)
Does anyone recommend any specific high chairs? How important is it for the snap on table? Or should I just get the fold up cloth ikea one that pulls up to the table? I like that it folds up. I dont' like plastic so was thinking of getting an old fashioned wooden one if not the ikea...
as for pack and plays i can find the basic old ones used for $30 but my husband thinks we should get this one: http://www.amazon.com/Graco-TotBloc-Pack-Carry-Quilt/dp/B000056C86/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1299962905&sr=1-1
because the reviews are so high and it's bigger so it "should" last her longer.
Has anyone found feature they don't care for?
I'd prefer to get secondhand but if this playyard will last longer then it's worth it (plus it's marked down on amazon for the price of most pnp's that come with the bassinet...which i do not care about.
We never use our pack n play. Right now it is for toy (and cat ) storage. Instead, we've gotten a nice area consisting of living room, most of the hallway, and her room cleared and baby proofed, and she travels around and plays.
As for highchairs, I wanted a nice wooden one that would look like a piece of good furniture, so we got this one: Graco highchair.
It was not $158 when we got it; more like $90. Maybe you can find a used wooden one on Craig's List?
bedsharing, knitting, toddler-nursing, nerdy, babywearing mama!
I love this one. It is compact, fits my DS well and even travels if needed.
As far as the pack n play -- are you planning on using it as a travel crib? I can't imagine that DD would have been content in one for very long as just a play pen. Our main floor is babyproof and I'm comfortable just letting her explore -- we do have a couple of baby gates that we move around, though, to sometimes keep her out of our room (it gets the messiest) or occasionally the kitchen if I'm baking/lifting hot things out of the stove. My mom and my MIL both have pack n plays at their houses for when we come visit, or I probably would have wanted one as a travel crib/changing table.
, mama to Amelie (May 2010), early loss (October 2011), and James (September 2012)
We have an arm's reach co-sleeper, which basically functions as a pack-n-play... we don't really use/need it as a pack-n-play. I think it depends on your baby. Ours likes to crawl and explore, so he doesn't like being confined. I suppose if your baby was stationary, you'd have less need for one anyway! I'm glad we have it for the sleeping functionality, and we have brought it with us when we travel. But we use it for sleeping, not playing.
Our high chair, on the other hand, is one of the most used pieces of baby gear in our house. Before DS could sit up on his own, we'd put him in the high chair and he would have a blast handling toys. Our house is not easily babyproofed, and the high chair is a good way for him to join me in the kitchen when I'm making dinner, etc. We do BWL, so the highchair is great... it is secure and has a large surface area that he can use to play with food. The double tray makes cleaning very convenient.
We have this high chair:
It transitions with the baby... tray... pull up to table... a travel chair... a booster seat... etc. It was expensive, but I like it a lot. I think if I was doing it over, I'd either go with the Graco (the one we have) or go with a *super* simple one, like the ikea one.
Alternately... we have one of these that we got off of craigslist for like $10, and it's great. It just doesn't fit our dining room table (bummer!). If something like this fits your table, I recommend it... very sturdy, packs away easy, and does the job it needs to:
We used a Bumbo for a highchair for a long time...it was like he was our little centerpiece! For several months (he is almost a year), we have used a Graco Double Tray that was passed along to us. We love it. We don't have a Pack and Play or the equivalent, mostly because we don't have the space.
I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brother.
well i decided to get the fp booster seat. then it can grow with her. i'm excited about that! dinner is getting messier and messier
i'm undecided still on the pack n play. part of me wants to just get the totblocker so we have a larger option, but it's twice as much as a used basic one...but it sounds like they don't get too much use anyways....we'll see.
I love this one. It is compact, fits my DS well and even travels if needed.
This is what we have :) Ds sits in it for about an hour a day playing with toys and practicing his sitting muscles. It folds up nicely also, for when I need a place to place him while working out at the gym (treadmill) or eating with another family that doesn't have a high chair.
Proud wife to my handsome husband Malachi David (2010) and Jeremiah Daniel (2012) joined our family via two lovely homebirths...planning another homebirth for the new belly baby, due April 16, 2015! Doula for 8 years and apprentice midwife for almost 3!
We LOVE our high chairs!! We splurged a little and got a Svan, used from Craigslist. It ended up costing the same as a new "normal" high chair. It's great because we can pull it right up to the table and he's part of meal time. For travel, we found a used Phil & Ted's MeToo on CL for $20. I love it because it folds up and carries easily and fits our 6 mo old way better than those huge restaurant ones. We keep it latched to our kitchen counter and he loves playing in it while we cook.
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SomedayNeverMaybe | Denver >>> S.A.
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Spokey Dokey
Joined: Sep 2013
Location: Aurora, CO
Oddometer: 245
Dave, thanks for taking us along on your journey. I think you'll find a lot of out there on the road have similar backgrounds. I spent about a year flying from COS to Memphis to visit my dad who had lung cancer. A few months after his passing I quit my job, had a friend move in to take care of my dog, and I boarded a plane to Lisbon with one bag, no reservation and no idea when I'd come back. I showed up about a half a year later with a lot of miles under the shoes. That was about 5 years ago.
The only reason I came back was for my big furry beast that's been my best friend for 12 years now. I'm now nursing him through his old age and expect after that it won't be long before I'm back on the road and this time with no ties.
A long journey is good for the soul. Be safe and I'll be lurking around.
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Chili Pepper Khadi Placemats, Set of 4 1 1
Pretty They are a great red color, they're large, and they wash easily. However, we did not dry them so we did have to iron them. April 24, 2014
1-1 of 1
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The Shark Rotator Powered Lift-Away flexes to fit almost any cleaning situation.
An upright, a canister, and a stick vac rolled into one, the Shark Rotator Powered Lift Away somehow manages to stay simple and effective.
With a remarkable amount of flexibility afforded by its well-implemented features, the Shark Rotator Powered Lift-Away is as easy to use as any full-size upright we've tested. To top it off, it cleans almost as well as vacuums that cost twice as much.
A researcher from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration finds a most unusual shark in a most unusual place.
CDC data shows that cows kill more people in the US on average than the feared stars of "Jaws." Also, if you dream a cute, cud-chewing creature is killing you, you're probably eating too much dairy.
Technically Incorrect: In California, lifeguards send up quadcopters to find out whether sharks are lurking near the shore. This comes after two shark incidents in North Carolina.
A diver in the waters off the coast of Guadalupe Island gets out of the cage and exchanges a friendly slap with a massive shark that could easily eat your face.
Different versions of the Shark Rotator Powered Lift-Away could potentially have a safety issue.
Dyson repels over-aggressive advertising from rival vacuum-maker Shark.
Can the God of Mischief, Madness and Evil survive being locked in a cage with his most formidable opponent yet? Loki's chances of survival might just be a teenage dream.


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Saturday, June 5, 2010
© Copyright 2015 Newton Citizen
On the Beat is an occasional reporting of various crimes and complaints confronted by law enforcement personnel in Newton County in the course of their duties. It is compiled by News Editor Barbara Knowles, who can be reached at email@example.com.
Where, oh where, could they be?
A man notified the Newton County Sheriff's Office that he lost two handguns "somewhere between his work in DeKalb and home" in Newton County.
Happy birthday
A woman called the NCSO to report that she was planning an upcoming birthday party for her child with a friend.
The friend did not like one of the guests she planned to invite and began cursing the woman and threatening to "whip her a--." Her sister came and led the woman away.
Dead trees
A woman called the NCSO and reported that someone had sprayed 15 Leland Cypress trees on her property with something to kill them.
Take it away
A man called the NCSO to report that he filed bankruptcy and had contacted Ford Motor Company to come and pick up his 2004 Ford F-150. He said Ford keeps telling him to send them $17,000.
A 9-year-old child called the NCSO to report his mother and father for "yelling and cussing." The mother said the father had been drinking and doing drugs and had slammed her toe in the door and it was bleeding because her toenail was forced back into her foot, causing her to yell and cuss. The father was arrested.
Sugar, sugar
A man accused his ex-girlfriend of putting sugar in his gas tank because she had told him she would do just that if she saw any other women riding in the car with him.
Refreshingly honest
A Covington Police Department officer stopped a woman driving a van after he saw her weave more than 2 feet over the center line several times. When he told her why he stopped her, she said, "I will agree with you on that. This van does not have power steering and it is hard to drive."
The officer asked her where she was coming from and she told him the Baymont Motel on Alcovy Road. He then asked if she was staying at the motel, to which she responded, "No, I was just meeting my boyfriend there so we could have sex."
She was found to be in possession of several Schedule IV drugs and was taken into custody.
Dirty laundry
An employee of a dry cleaning establishment called the CPD to report that a woman had just grabbed $12 worth of laundry and fled the store without paying. It seems the woman had complained that the shirts and aprons she had brought in to be cleaned were still dirty. The dry cleaning clerk told her they would clean them again, but the woman said she needed to take one of the aprons so she could go to work. However, the woman then grabbed the whole batch and ran into the parking lot. The clerk followed and said the woman almost ran her down.
BOLO for fries
A truck driver notified the NCSO that he had parked his truck overnight on Industrial Drive because he had a delivery in the area the next day. When he returned to his truck, he found the door to the trailer had been tampered with and a case of curly fries valued at $50 was missing. He knew of no suspects.
Will steal anything
A man called the NCSO and told them an unknown suspect had tried to steal sand out of his backyard.
Costly shopping trip
A woman reported that she had gone to CVS on U.S. Highway 278, leaving her unlocked car with her purse under the driver's seat for an hour and 45 minutes. She left the store and approximately four hours later, noticed that her blue jean purse valued at $14 was missing. She said it contained $1,400 in cash, three checkbooks, a $200 gold bracelet, musical accessories valued at $175 and $40 worth of miscellaneous items.
Threats to cops
Two high-ranking police officials were threatened with death by a man who was walking up and down Floyd Street and acting in what CPD officers described as a "violent or tumultuous manner, screaming and cussing ... (threatening) to damage property or harm another person." The police officials called the CPD and the man was arrested. He was found to be carrying mints, plastic bags and a wrapped up ham bone.
OK to drive
A man was stopped by deputies on Ga. Highway 142 after he was seen blocking traffic after he had tried to jump a red light. The driver gave the deputy a Georgia ID card, explaining that his driver's license was suspended but he thought it was OK for him to drive. He was taken into custody.
Dog Gone
A man went to the Sheriff's Office to report the theft of his "blue" pit bull. He valued it at $7,500.
Gatorade bully
A woman called the NCSO to report that her son was "getting assaulted with a Gatorade bottle on the school bus nearly every day." She said this problem had been ongoing for four weeks.
Interfering husband
A woman went to the Sheriff's Office to report that she was working with the bank to refinance her home, but her husband had called them and said she wanted to cancel the transaction.
More like this story
- ON THE BEAT: Police called in to hunt for Nike sneaker stealer ( April 19, 2010 )
- ON THE BEAT: CPD: Man claims son's toy riding cars stolen from backyard ( July 10, 2010 )
- 08-14_bk_onthebeat ( August 13, 2011 )
- On the Beat: Officer, there's been a tragic accident ( September 22, 2012 )
- Suspects fall off wagon, land behind prison bars ( November 8, 2010 )


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What Makes Your School So Special? Lessons From #MyTopCollege
Every year, FORBES asks colleges for pictures of their campuses as a part of our America's Top Colleges package. And every year, we get the same stock "glamour" shots: grinning students throwing Frisbees on the main lawn, generic campus vistas and unrealistically clean dorms and, a personal favorite—students holding test tubes and looking read »Cara Newlon, Forbes Staff


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In sports-filled week, series lead CBS to top ratings for fifth straight timeStory | Oct 26, 2010The new TV season has fallen into a pattern, one that puts CBS on top. For the fifth straight week, the home of "NCIS" won the week with its potent mix of crime procedurals, comedies and reality shows. In addition...


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Introducing the new Samsung Series 9 with the Intel Core i7 processor. At just .58" thin, you'll rethink size. With a 9.1-second boot time, you'll rethink speed. And with its head-turning design, you may just rethink your loyalties.
Rethink Size
Super-slim at .58" thin and amazingly lightweight at 3.48lbs. If it werent so gorgeous you might not even notice it.
Rethink Brightness
SuperBright Plus displays are up to twice as bright as standard notebook screens, and reproduce up to 16 million colors. Another reason the new Samsung Series 9 is stunning both inside and out.
Set Your Laptop to Stun
The Series 9 is striking to look at, but it also sets a premium performance standard. With extremely fast startup speeds and nearly instant resume from sleep, the Series 9 lets you get even more done and leaves every other PC in the airport lounge or conference room behind. The Series 9 isnt just a laptop, its a game changer. From the very moment you open the Series 9 be prepared to savor the experience of the wow factor.
Rethink Speed
Solid state drives mean you can boot up in as fast as 9.1 seconds, and load applications at the speed of whiplash.
Rethink Power
Samsungs PowerPlus charging technology and advanced Lithium-Polymer battery has a lifespan up to 3 times longer than a conventional battery, lasting up to 10 hours on a single charge
Operating System


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Originally written on The Sports Bank | Last updated 12/27/12
TUSCALOOSA, AL - NOVEMBER 13: Quarterback A. J. McCarron of the Alabama Crimson Tide sets for play against the Mississippi State Bulldogs November 13, 2010 at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
Alabama Crimson Tide QB A.J. McCarron has a very hot mom, as we learned a couple months ago. He has a very hot girlfriend too, as you'll see. She's Miss Alabama 2012 Katherine Webb. And ironically she's an Auburn graduate. She confirmed over Twitter that she will be attending the BCS National title game versus Notre Dame with the McCarron family. There was a lot of internet mania over Sarah Savage, the girlfriend of Johnny Manziel. How does she compare to Webb? Webb currently works at Chick-fil-A in Columbus, Georgia as a training director. She also models professionally for clients in New York, Miami and Atlanta. In November 2007, she competed for the title of Miss Georgia USA, ranking in the Top 15 and won Miss Photogenic Georgia USA. She decided that she would not compete in another pageant until she received her degree and gained more experience Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net, a Google News site generating millions of unique visitors. He's also a regular contr...
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