text:
Now you, too, can have perky-goth Abby Normal wallpaper on your very own desktop.(Scroll down of download links)
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Now you, too, can have perky-goth Abby Normal wallpaper on your very own desktop.(Scroll down of download links)
640 version
800 version
1024 version
→ 17 CommentsTags: Uncategorized
Hey hosers, heres the link for the oft requested Canadian sweepstakes.
(NOTE This contest is over and has been removed)
→ 5 CommentsTags: Uncategorized
Hey kids, here's my holiday gift to you, from me and the Shakespeare Theater of New Jersey.
The left link will play live, the left links you can right click and download and play on your Ipod or other device, although you may want to rename the files.
This is a live, stage recording, all of the actors using one stage mike, so you may have to play with the levels and it will probably sound bit better through headphones.
Here's the link:
Happy holidays, and have a safe New Year.
→ 11 CommentsTags: Uncategorized
BITE ME TOUR 2010 – Scroll to the Bottom for Answers to Frequently Asked Questions
Tuesday, March 23 at 7:00 PM
601 Van Ness, San Francisco, CA 91402
Wednesday, March 24 at 7:00 PM
4326 University Way NE
Seattle WA 98105
Thursday, March 25 at 7:00PM
17171 Bothell Way NE,
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155
Friday, March 26 at 7:00 PM
3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd,
Portland, OR, 97210
Tickets $24. Ticket includes a signed copy of Bite Me. Ticket buyers who purchase through Ticketmaster.com will have a surcharge of around $7 per ticket. As an alternative, walk-up customers can buy tickets at McMenamin's Crystal Ballroom box office (1332 W. Burnside, downtown Portland) anytime leading up to the event and pay a $1 ticket surcharge. Customers can purchase at the door the night of the event (also a $1 ticket surcharge), but will risk not getting in should the event sell out. (Not likely).
Saturday, March 27 at 2:00 PM
4014 N Goldwater Blvd
Scottsdale, AZ 85251
Saturday, March 27 at 7:00 PM
6428 S McClintock Dr., Tempe, AZ 85283
Sunday, March 28 at 2:00 PM
1628 16th Street
Denver, CO 80202
Tuesday, March 30 at 12:30 PM
150 N State Street,t
Chicago, IL 60601
Tuesday, March 30 at 7:00 PM
123 W. Jefferson Avenue,
Naperville, IL 60540
Wednesday, March 31 at 7:00 PM
2559 N. Downer Avenue,
Milwaukee, WI 53211
Thursday, April 1 at 7:30 PM
The Columbus Performing Arts Center
549 Franklin Ave,
Columbus, OH.
Friday, April 2 at 7:00 PM
279 Harvard Street,
Brookline, MA 02446
Saturday, April 3 at 6:00 PM
10 Columbus Circle,
New York, NY 10019
Monday, April 5 at 6:30 PM
975 Paoli Pike,
West Chester, PA 19380
Tuesday, April 6 at 7:30 PM
5871 Crossroads Center Way,
Baileys Crossroads, VA 22041
Wednesday, April 7 at 7:00 PM
5015 Connecticut Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20008
Friday, April 9 at 7:00 PM
695 East Colorado Boulevard,
Pasadena, CA 91101
Saturday, April 10 at 2:00 PM
7051 Clairemont Mesa Boulevard Suite 302,
San Diego, CA 92111
Sunday, April 11- Huntington Beach
Barnes & Noble at 3 PM
7881 Edinger Avenue Huntington Beach, CA 92647
Corte Madera – Wednesday, April 14
Book Passage at 7:00 PM
51 Tamal Vista Blvd.
Corte Madera, CA 94925
Petaluma – Thursday, April 15
Copperfield's at 7:00 PM
140 Kentucky St. Petaluma 95404
(707) 762-0563.
Menlo Park- Friday, April 16
Kepler's at 7:30 PM
1010 El Camino Real Menlo Park, CA 94025
Sunday, April 18 / 10:00 AM – Montreal
Paragraphe Books & Brunch
Le Centre Sheraton, 1201 Boulevard Rene-Levesque West
For tickets, call (514) 845-5811
Monday, April 19 / 7:30 PM – Ottawa
Perfect Books presents Christopher Moore
The Mayfair Theatre, 1074 Bank Street
For tickets, call (613) 231-6468
Tuesday, April 20 / 7:00 PM – Toronto
Chapters Queensway presents Christopher Moore
Chapters, 1950 The Queensway
For more information, call (416) 622-2838
Wednesday, April 21 / 7:00 PM – Waterloo
Words Worth Books presents Christopher Moore
Location: First United Church, 16 William Street West
For tickets call, (519) 884-2665
1) Hey, why aren't you coming to my town? You never come to my town?
1)We pick dates and cities for the tour based on a lot of factors, population, ease of travel, how much mail I get from that area, and if there is a bookstore there who knows how to host an event and has a venue in which to do it. I can really only effectively tour for a month a year, and some would argue that's too long. We have to hit the most people with the greatest ease of travel. When I was touring in February, we had to cut the Midwest from the tour because of weather, this year, I'm not doing Texas or Florida because we added the Chicago dates. I don't choose the cities, they are determined from a lot of factors. If you don't have a at least a dozen best-selling authors coming to your town every year, then you probably don't have an event-oriented book store.
2)Will you sign other books I bring to the event.
2)My policy is that I will sign any of my books that you bring, but usually I can only personalize one because of time constraints. Most of the stores that host events require that you buy the current book from them. If you're a collector or reseller, and you have a backpack full of books, you have to wait until last to have your books signed. This tour will have a few ticketed events. Usually the price of the ticket includes a book, or the price of the ticket discounted against the book. I understand that at some of the events they'll have me sign the books in advance, so if you don't want to wait in line, you won't have to, but if you want to wait to have your book personalized or just to say hi, I'll be there. So far I think Powell's in Portland may be the only one doing that.
3)What can I expect at the event? Do you read, talk, do puppet shows?
3)I don't read, but I usually talk about the book and other stuff for about 20-30 minutes, then take your questions for another 20 minutes or so, then I sign books until we're done. If it's a big event, and you want your book personalized, it can take an hour or two. Some places allow you to stay in your seat, others, there's an actual line. It just depends on the venue. If you're not sure, give them a call beforehand.
→ 218 CommentsTags: Events and Interviews · Tour
Hey Kids,
The chilly claws of winter are scratching at the door,
it gets dark at 5:00, and slick of smashed pumpkins has finally
worn off the sidewalks, which can mean only one thing… That's right,
the apocalypse is nigh!
No wait, it means that the holiday season is
looming over us like a great cinnamon-scented
bird of prey. And nothing hits the spot during the holidays like Zombies
. (The cheesy goldfish crackers of story-telling.) So, in honor of that,
here's a guest blog, sample of Mike Spradlin's the new book:
It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols
(Sung to the tune of Frosty, The Snowman
Zombie the Snow Man was a jolly, happy ghoul,
With a corncob pipe and some boy's nose and two eyes he got at school.
Zombie the Snow Man is a fairy tale, they say;
He was undead it's so, but the children know how he came
Back to life one day.
There must have been a virus in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around.
Oh, Zombie the Snow Man was alive as he could be,
And the children say he ate brains all day as they tried to run away.
Zombie the Snow Man knew the brains were fresh that day,
So he said,"Please run, because it's lots more fun when I eat your brain that way".
Down through the village with a femur in his hand,
Running here and there all around the square, sayin'
"Decaptiate me if you can!"
He chased them through the streets of town and ate the traffic cop
And he barely paused a moment when, he heard the cops brain pop!"
Zombie the Snow Man had to hurry on his way,
But he waved good-by, sayin', "Please do cry and I'll eat your brains again someday!"
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump,
Look at that Frosty go;
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump,
Over the hills of snow.
→ 13 CommentsTags: Uncategorized
Chapter 1: Hello Kitty
Being the Journal of Abigail Von Normal,
Emergency Back-up Mistress of the Greater Bay Area Night
The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency back-up mistress of the greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Which isn't, like, as bad as it sounds, because the general public kind of sucks ass.
Still, I think that this battle of dark powers, the maintenance of my steamy, forbidden romance, the torturous break-in of a new pair of red vinyl, thigh-high Skankenstein platform boots, as well as the daily application of complex eye make-up and whatnot, totally justify my flunking Biology 102, (Introduction to Mutilation of Preserved Marmot Cadavers, with Mr. Snavely, who totally has his way with the marmots when no one is around, I have it on good authority.) But try to tell that to the mother unit, who deserves this despair and disappointment for cursing me with her tainted and small-boobed DNA.
Allow me to catch you up, S'il vous plait. Pay attention, bitches, there will be a test.
Three lifetimes ago, or maybe it was like last semester, because like the song says, "time is like a river of slippery excretions when you're in love" — anyway — during winter break, Jared and I were in Walgreens looking for hypo-allergenic eye make-up when we encountered the beautiful, red-headed Countess Jody and her consort of blood, my Dark Lord, the vampire Flood, who was totally disguised in jeans and flannel as a loser.
And I was all, "Nosferatu." Whispered to Jared like a night wind through dead trees.
And Jared was all, "No way, you sad, deluded, little slut."
And I was all, "Shut your fetid penis port, you spunk-breathed poseur." Which he took as a compliment, so that's how I meant it, because while Jared is deeply gay, he's never really gayed anyone up, except maybe his pet rat, Lucifer. Strictly speaking, I think Jared would be considered a rodentsexual, if not for the difficult geometry of the relationship.( See, size does matter!)
Note to self: I should totally set Jared up with Mr. Snavely and they can talk about squirrel-shagging and whatnot and maybe I won't have to repeat Bio 102.
Anyway, Jared is a fitting support player in the tragedy that is my life, as he dresses dismal chic and excels at brooding, self-loathing, and allergies to beauty products. I've tried to talk him into going pro.
'Kayso, the vampire Flood had me meet him at a club, where I offered up myself to his dark desires, which he totally rejected because of his eternal love of the Countess. So he bought me a cappuccino instead and appointed me to be their official minion. It is the duty of the minion to rent apartments, do laundry, and bring the masters a sack with a tasty kid in it, although I never did that last part because the masters don't like kids.
'Kayso, the vampire Flood gave me money and I rented a très cool loft in the SOMA (which is widely accepted to be the best hood for vampires because there's mostly new buildings and no one would suspect ancient creatures of purest evil to hang out there). But it turns out was like half a block from the très cool loft in the SOMA that they already lived in. 'Kayso, when I take the key to them, hoping they will bestow the dark gift of immortality upon me, this limo full of wasted college-age guys and a painted blue ho with ginormous fake boobs pull up. And they're all, "Where is Flood. We need to talk to Flood. And let us in," and other demanding shit. And I'm all, "No way, step off Smurfett. There's no one named Flood here."
I know! I was all, Oh-my-fucking-zombie-jebus-on-a-pogo-stick! She was blue!
And I'm not racist, so shut up. She clearly had self-esteem issues which she compensated for with giant fake boobs, slutty blue body-paint, and doing a carload full of stoners for money. I'm not judging her by the color of her skin. Everyone copes. When I got braces I went through a Hello Kitty phase that lasted well into my fifteens, and Jared maintains that I am still perky at heart, which is not true. I am simply complex. But more about the blue hooker later, because right then the Asian guy looks at his watch and says, "Too late, it's sunset." And they drove off. Which is when I opened the door into the stairwell to the loft and was confronted by Chet, the huge shaved vampire cat. (Except, at the time, I didn't know his name, and he was wearing a red sweater, so I didn't know he was shaved, and he wasn't a vampyre yet. But huge.)
So I'm all, "Hey, kitty, go away." And he did, leaving only William, the huge shaved cat homeless guy, lying on the steps. I thought he was dead, because of the smell, but it turns out he was only passed out from alcohol and partially drained of blood and stuff. But I'm pretty sure he's dead now because, later, Foo and I found his stank-ass clothes on the steps of the loft, full of the grey dust that people turn to when a vampire drains them.
So upstairs I'm all, "There's a dead guy and a huge kitty in a sweater on your steps." And the Countess and Flood are all, "Whatever."
And I'm all, "And there was a limo full of stoners here who were totally hunting you."
And they were all, "Whoa." And they seemed more freaked out than you'd think, for ancient creatures of dark forbidden romance and whatnot. And it turns out they weren't — I mean, aren't. I mean, sure, their love is eternal, and they are creatures of unspeakable evil and stuff, but they are not ancient at all. It turns out that the vampyre Flood is only like nineteen, and he's only known the Countess for like two months. And she's only like twenty-six, which, while a little crusty, is not that ancient. And despite her advanced age, the Countess is beautiful, with long, totally nach red hair and milky skin, green eyes like emerald fire and a smoking body that could turn a girl totally lesbo if she wasn't already a slave to the mad, man-ninja sex-fu of the delicious Foo Dog. (Foo keeps insisting that he can't be a ninja because he's Chinese and ninjas are Japanese, but he's just being stubborn and goes all Angry, Angry Asian on me whenever I bring it up. )
'Kayso, in the master's loft I see these two bronze statues, one of this crusty businessman-looking guy, and the other looks like the countess, except it's totally naked, or in a leotard, and bronze. And I'm all, "Exhibitionist, much, Countess? Did it come with a pole?"
And she's all, "Help Tommy move furniture, Wednesday." Like that makes any sense at all. (Turns out that Wednesday is a Gothish character from some crusty movie.)
Kayso, later, by virtue my extensive research and sneaking around and whatnot, I find out that the statues aren't statues at all. That the countess used to be inside the statue of her, and that inside the crusty businessman statue, is the real ancient creature of unspeakable evil, the nosferatu that turned the Countess. And the vampyre Flood, who wasn't a vampire at all at the time, had bronzed the two of them when they were sleeping the deep sleep of the daytime dead, which is like the deepest sleep you can get. (You should know right now, that there's not yawning, gentle drift into sleepytime for vampyre. When the sun breaks the horizon, they drop rag-doll dead on the spot, and you can pose them, paint them, put their hands on their junk and post the pics on the web, and they won't know a thing until sundown when they come on like a light and they're wondering why their naughty bits are green and their in-box is full of propositions from elfin_love.com.)
I know. Whoa!
It turns out that Flood, who was known as Tommy, was chosen by the Countess as her day-minion, blood lunch, and love monkey, because he worked nights at the Safeway. Then, the old vampire, who had turned the Countess only like a week before, started fucking with them — saying he was going to kill Tommy and generally harsh Jody's reality. 'Kayso, Flood and his stoner Safeway night crew (called the Animals) hunted down the alpha vampire, who was sleeping in a big yacht in the bay, and they stole like jillions in art from the yacht and blew it up with the vampire in it, which seriously put habaneras in his tude lube, but when he came out of the water, they fucked him up good long time with spear guns and whatnot.
I know ! Oh-my-fucking-god-ponies-in-the-barbeque! I know! It just goes to show you, like Lord Byron says in the poem: "Given enough weed and explosives, even a creature of most sophisticated and ancient dark power can be undone by a few stoners."
I'm paraphrasing. It may have been Shelley.
'Kayso, the Countess saves the old vampire from being toasted, but she promises the cops (there were these two cops) to take him away and never come back to the City, but when they go to sleep, Flood, who couldn't' bear to lose Jody, took them downstairs to the biker-sculptors and had them bronzed. But when he was trying to explain to the countess about why he did it, he drilled holes in the bronze by her ears, and she turned into mist, streamed into the room, and turned him into a vampire. Which totally surprised him, because he didn't even know she knew how to do either of those things. (Misting and turning, I mean.)
So then they're like, both vampires, eternal in their love, but somewhat lame in their night skills. Because Jody had been feeding off of Tommy, she hadn't thought through what they would eat after Tommy turned vampire. So first they went to this homeless guy, we'll call William the Huge Cat guy ( because that's what people call him) because he used sit on Market Street with Chet and a sign that said, "I AM POOR AND MY CAT IS HUGE." And they ended up renting the huge cat, Chet, to be their shared blood lunch. But it turned out that a large part of Chet's kitty hugeness, was fur, so in order to facilitate the biting process, they shaved him. I'm just glad that I wasn't their minion yet, because I think we all know who would have ended up shaving the kitty.
But no! It didn't work. I'm not sure why. But William got totally, date-rape-level hammered on the liquor he bought with the huge cat rent money, and they ended up feeding on him. Which is where I, the new princess-elect of darkness, was brought into the fold. (Into the "fold" means, like, the gang, as in gang of sheep, not fold like in what you do to T-shirts if you're a casual cotton slave at Old Navy.)
It was I, who turned Tommy onto the needle exchange program, where he was able to use his pale thinness to convince them he was a junkie and get syringes so they could take William's blood and put it in the fridge for the Countess to have in her coffee. Turns out that the only way the vampyre can tolerate real food or drink is if it has a little human blood in it. (The Countess likes blood on her fries, which is at once très cool and deeply fucked-up.)
So, as soon as the Countess and Flood figured out the deal with blood and food, William the huge cat guy wandered off and the Countess had to go find him, since she has more experience at hunting the night, while Flood and I moved stuff from one loft to the other. But I had to get lice shampoo for my useless little sister Ronnie who was plagued by vermin, and Flood sent me home early to spare me the wrath of the mother unit because he didn't' want his minion on restriction. (So noble. I think that's when I fell in love with him.) Then he took the bronzed old vampire down to the water to dump him in the Bay before the countess got back. It was clear to me that Tommy had jealousy issues with the old vampire, and wanted to get rid of him. Except he ran out of dark before he got to the Bay and had to leave the old vampire sitting by the Ferry Building on the Embarcadero and run from the sun for his life. At the last minute, the Animals drive by in their limo with their stupid blue ho and scoop the vampire Flood off the street just before he was incinerated by the sun.
I know. WTF?
(FYI, when I type WTF, you are supposed to read it What the Fuck? Same with OMG, and OMFG, which are Oh My God and Oh My Fucking God. Only a completely lame Disney Channel nimnode pronounces the letters. Even BMLWA, or Bite My Lily White Ass should only be spoken as letters if you are hanging out with nuns or other people who are embarrassed about being told to bite asses.)
Kayso, the Animals go back to work at the Safeway, but not before they tie Flood to a bed frame, where the blue hooker tortured him to get him to turn her to a vampire, because now she had like all the money that the Animals had gotten for the old vampire's art, which was like six-hundred thousand dollars, and she wanted to take her time spending it, so she wanted to be immortal. But Flood was like a complete vamp noob. He'd never even killed anyone and turned them to dust or anything, so he didn't know how to change someone. The countess didn't tell him that the chosen had to drink the vampire's blood to receive the dark gift. So the blue ho tortures the shit out of him.
I know, what a bitch.
Meanwhile, the Countess found the huge cat guy, and I found the lice shampoo, but we don't know where Tommy is. But the Countess was burned from going out on some hot water pipes, so she fed on me, right there in the loft, and I was all, "Oh shit, I'm going to get the dark gift and I'm like wearing my lime-green Chuck Taylors which are totally not the kicks for becoming a creature of unspeakable power in. But no, the Countess just partook of my sanguine nectar so she could heal. That's probably where I fell in love with her. Anyway, she goes asking around about Tommy, and this completely crazy homeless guy who thinks he is the emperor of San Francisco (you see him and his two dogs in the north end of the City all the time) says that one of the Animals was asking around about Flood.
So I'm all, "uh oh."
And the countess is all, "Yep."
Next thing you know, we are at the Marina Safeway and the Countess — wearing her black jeans and red leather jacket, but no lipstick — underhands a steel reinforced trash can like as big as a lesbian gym teacher through the big front window, and she just walks right through the falling glass, badass as shit, into the store and starts kicking stoner ass. It was glorious. But she didn't kill anyone, which turned out to be a mistake, as was, in my humble opinion, not wearing any lipstick. For while it was a heroic ass-kicking as has ever been delivered in real life, it would have been that much cooler if she had some black lipstick on, or maybe something in a dark maroon. But they told her that Tommy was tied up at, Lash's, the black guy's, apartment.
And their shit was all busted up, and I was like, "You bitches have been powned!"
And the Countess was like, "That's cute. Let's go get Tommy."
She can be kind of a bitch sometimes. Anyway, we go to the apartment where Tommy is being held, but when we get there, he's still tied to the bed frame, but stood up against a wall, all naked and covered in blood, even his junk. And the blue ho is dead on the floor.
And I'm all, "Uh-oh."
And the Countess is all, "Yep."
And she says something about how the blue ho must have broken her neck or something, because if Tommy had drained her, she would have turned to dust and there would have been no body. Anyway, the cab ride back to the loft was très awkward, you know, with Flood naked and covered with blood and the two of them all "Oh I love you" and "Oh I love you, too." And I was being kind of a mopey little emo queen because I was jealous of both of them because they had their dark and eternal love for each other and I had like my lime green Chucks and Jared the gay-bait rat-shagger.
So that was good. The rescue and whatnot. Because we found the old vampire art money that the Animal's had paid to the blue ho, which was like a half a million dollars. But then we found out that the blue ho was not dead, but somehow had accidentally drunk some of Tommy's blood when she kissed him during his torture and now she was nosferatu. And she turned all the Animals. Which, you know, was bad. And not in the good way.
And the old vampire had somehow escaped his bronze shell, and he was coming after Tommy and Jody, and even me? He even shook the living shit out of William the huge cat guy while Jared and I watched from an alley across the street.
I know! We were all, "Whoa?"
So it's like, Christmas night, and Jared and I are watching the midnight show of The Nightmare Before Christmas at the Metreon. And we're all traumatized and whatnot from watching the vampire pound the huge cat guy, and the Countess calls us. And she and my dark lord Flood meet us for coffee at this Chinese diner, which is like the only thing open because the Chinese totally blow off Christmas because there are no dragons or firecrackers in the story.
Note to self: Write narrative poem exploring Christmas if the three wise men had given baby Jesus firecrackers, a dragon, and mu-shu pork instead of that other crap.
So, after all night drinking coffee laced with Jared's blood and getting the story on the old vampire from the countess and Flood, we go back to the loft and there, in the stairway, is the old vampire, naked. And he's all, "I had to do some laundry. That guy peed on my track suit." He was wearing a total gangsta yellow track suit when we saw him shaking the huge cat guy.
So we like ran, and we had to hide my masters in some rafters under the Bay Bridge when they went out at dawn. No yawning or anything — they just became dead. Well, undead.
So we wrapped them in trash bags and duct tape and moved them to Jared's basement lair in Noe valley. (His basement lair is sacrosanct — his father and step-mother are afraid to they might walk in on him wanking to gay porn — so it was safe for the masters.) Meanwhile, I went back to the loft to feed Chet the huge shaved cat and decapitate the old vampire with Jared's dagger so I could get extra-credit points with the masters, but it turned out that I had not calculated sundown quite right. Since when does the sun go down at like five o'clock? That's just fucking juvenile.
Anyway, when I'm on the steps I hear the old vampire moving around upstairs. And I'm all, "Awkward." Then I hear a car pull up and I run out, right into the arms of this blond ho, who it turns out is the blue ho, who is now nosferatu, along with three of her vampyre minions who used to be the Animals. I know, "Uh-oh."
So she grabs me and is just about to tear my throat out, when the old vampire grabs her by the neck and puts her face print in the hood of a Mercedes. He's all, "You're breaking the rules, ho. You can't just go turning people willy-nilly."
So I was doing a minor booty-dance of ownage at the blond ho, when they all turned on me. So I pull out Jared's dagger, but just the same I know they are going to have a huge group suck on my pale frame, when this totally fly, race-pimped Honda comes tearing out of the alley, and everything goes white light around the car. And my Manga-haired love monkey, Foo, is totally in hero shades, and he's all, "Get in."
Kayso, he swept me away in his magic nerd-chariot, which he had rigged with ultra-violet floodlights that totally toasted the vamps with simulated sunlight. I know! I'd have done him right there in the car if I was not trying to maintain my detached aura of aristocratic chill. So instead I kissed him within' an inch of his life, then slapped him so he didn't think I was his personal slut, which I totally was. Would be.
It turns out that Steve, which is Foo Dog's day-slave name, had totally been staking out the Countess Jody's apartment for like a month, since he figured out that she was a vampire when some blood from one of the old vamps victims turned up in his hemo-lab at Berkeley. Foo is like some kind of biotech uber-genius, in addition to having mad ninja-driving skills.
Then Foo dropped me off at Tulley's on Market, where I met Jared and Jody, who sneaked by Jared's parents by pretending to be lovers, which is disgusting in so many ways I kind of gagged a little when I typed it. (Jared is my emergency back-up BFF, but he is a pervy little rat-shagger, as the Countess affectionately refers to him.)
So the Countess is all, "I'm going back to the loft to get the money."
And I'm all, "No, the old vampire."
And she is all, "He is not the boss of me." (Or something like that. I'm paraphrasing.)
And I'm all, "Whatever, make sure you feed Chet."
So we go back to Jared's, and when we get there, the vampyre Flood is all fucked up from trying to climb face down a building in the Castro after a delicious drag queen, like Dracula does in the book (only in the book it's not in the Castro and Dracula isn't after a drag queen).
Note to self: When I am finally made Nosferatu, do not try to climb face down a wall.
So then my sweet love ninja Foo shows up. And he's all, "I couldn't leave you out here, unprotected. And secretly I was all, "You rock my stripy socks, Foo," but publically I just kissed him and tastefully dry humped his leg a little. So we all got in his fly Honda and went back to the loft.
When we got there, second floor windows were open, and Flood could hear that the old vampire was up there with Jody.
And Foo was all, "Let me go." And out off the hatchback, he pulls this long duster that's covered with little glass warts. And Foo is all, "UV LEDs. Like sunlight."
The street-level fire door was locked, so Flood was all, I"ll go."
But Foo was all, "No, it will burn you."
But they covered Flood all over, gloves, hat, and a gasmask the Foo keeps around in case of emergency biology and whatnot, then he put on the duster. Foo gave him a rubber tarp and a baseball bat, and Flood starts working the street like a half-pipe, running up a building on one side, then up the other, until he goes feet first through the upstairs window. Personally, I think the Countess could have just jumped up there, but she's been a vampyre longer than flood and has better skills.
Kayso, there's this blinding white light from the windows, and next thing we know, the old vampire comes crashing through the window like a flaming comet and hits the street right by us. And he gets up all blackened and snarly and whatnot, and Foo holds up his UV floodlight and he's all, "Step off, vampyre scum." And the old vampire ran off.
Then Flood comes out the door carrying the Countess, who is looking way more dead than usual, and we took them to a motel to hide them until we could figure out what to do. Foo stole some donor blood from the lab at his college and gave it to Flood and the Countess so they could heal. And Foo's all, "You know, I've been working on the blood I found on the victims, and I think I can reverse the process. I can turn you human again."
Which is totally why he had been stalking the Countess when I met him. So Tommy and Jody were all, "We'll think about it."
Kayso, Flood is holding Jody on the bed, and they're talking softly, but I can hear them, because I'm just by the door and the rooms not that big. And it is clear that their love is eternal and will last for eons, but Flood doesn't like being a vampire because the hours suck and whatnot, and Jody likes being a vampire because of the power she feels after feeling like a little wuss-girl for many years, and they more or less say that they are going to split up just as the sun rises and they go out.
And I was all, "Oh, hell no."
So I had them bronzed.
I'm looking at them now. We posed them like Rodin's "The Kiss" and they shall be together unto the end of time, or at least until we figure out how to let them out and not have them tear out our throats and whatnot. Foo says it's cruel, but the Countess told me that they could go to mist, and when they are mist time passes like a dream and it's all good.
But Foo did figure out his serum thingy. We lured the Animals to our love nest and while I was wearing the fly leather jacket that Foo made me, complete with the UV LED warts, which is very cool and cyber, I drugged them and Foo changed them back to human. And the crazy old Emperor guy said he saw three young vampyres take the old vampyre and the formerly blue ho away on a ginormous yacht, so we don't have to worry about them anymore.
Foo wants to cut Flood and Jody out of the bronze statue during the day, while they are sleeping, and turn them back to human. But the Countess doesn't want that. So I think we should just wait. We have this trés cool apartment, and all of the money, and Foo almost has his masters in bionerdism or whatever, and I only have to go home like twice a week so the mother unit still thinks I am living there. (The key was to condition her from age twelve that sleepovers are normal. Lily, my former sleepover BFF, calls it slowly boiling the frog, which I don't know what it means, but it sounds darkly mysterious.)
So, we are secure in our love nest and as soon as Foo gets home I am going to reward him with the slow booty dance of forbidden love. But something is screeching outside. BRB.
Fucksocks! It's Chet the huge shaved vampyre cat, down on the street. He looks bigger, and I think he ate a meter maid. Her little cart is running and there's an empty uniform on the curb.
Bad kitty! GTG L8rz.
Chapter 2 -Test
1. The Countess Abigail Von Normal is:
a: Emergency Back-up mistress of the Bay Area Dark.
b. A Gothic hottie consumed by the banal hopelessness of existence
c: Not perky, but dark, complex and trés mysterious.
d: All the above, and possibly more.
2. The vampire Flood and his nosferatu maker, the Countess Jody, were imprisoned in a bronze shell in the pose from Rodin's "The Kiss" because:
a. Their love is eternal and their mingled souls will live on in Romantic embrace to the end of time.
b. Foo and I were pretty sure that the Countess would go FOAKES (Freak Out and Kill Everything in Sight) when she found out our plan to turn the Animals back to human.
c. We just like to look at our friends, naked and bronzed, because it gets us all hot.
d. I can't believe you picked "C." You should get a big "L" tattooed on your forehead to save people time in figuring out what a ginormous loser you are! You wish that Foo and I needed pervy preludes to stimulate our orgasmic, toe-curling soul-sex. Trust me, the sun weeps that it cannot achieve the blistering hotness of our nookie.
3. Despite myths perpetrated jealous day-dwellers, the nosferatu only are only vulnerable to the effects of:
a: garlic (right, because pizza and the breath of vegans will quell their ancient power).
b. crosses and holy water (Oh right, because creatures of darkest evil are total bitches of the baby Jebus).
c. silver (Uh huh, and aluminum, because that makes sense. )
d. sunlight
4. My and Foo's greatest challenge as minions is to protect our dark masters, the Countess and Lord Flood, from:
a: Cops, specifically Inspector Rivera and his clueless Gay Bear partner Cavuto.
b. The most crusty old vampire and his mysterious fashion-vamp posse.
c. The Animals, slacker wastee night crew from the Marina Safeway.
d. All of the above and whatnot.
5. Our best chance of defeating Chet, the huge shaved vampire cat is:
a: mouse ninjas
b: a big hug while wearing my most fly UV-LED leather jacket, fashioned for my protection by my aforementioned muffin master, Foo.
c. a saucer of tuna blood laced with sedatives and kitty-butt flavor. (I observed in his former mortal form, that Chet loves kitty-butt flavor.)
d. make a vampire Rottweiler to rock Chet's worldview
e. either B or C, but definitely not D, wouldn't A would be trés cool? Mouse Ninjas!
Give yourself, one point for every right answer.
5- You rock my stripy socks
4 – Loser!
3-trés Loser!
2-Such a Loser that Losers pity you.
0-1-Spare us your contagious loserness. Next bridge you pass? Over you go.
(The book will be in stores April 1st, 2010 – Chris)
→ 162 CommentsTags: Uncategorized
I think we all remember that famous line from Othello:
"The fug are you lookin' at, ya fuggin mook?"
Which seems to be written just for the New Jersey Shakespeare Company.
Well, those fuggin mooks have invited me to invite you to a reading of scenes of Fool,
by real fuggin actors, interspersed with anecdotes and amusements by my own
self, and followed by a Q&A and whatnot, for:
Thursday, November 19th, 2009
It should be fun.
→ 10 CommentsTags: Uncategorized
First, on a light post in Auvers, France. A lost kitty poster…
On the Alexandre III bridge — the clear danger of pissing off the sculpture…
In the late 19th Century, there was a lot of public art, both in France and in England, that personified different industries. It's like the ruling class just went, "I don't care what it actually is, just make it look like agriculture."
Then, there are always the national heroes:
And the institutions they founded:
You start with this, then they take one wall away until you can do it completely free form…
Meanwhile, at the Musee D'Orsay…
Ah, the single life. Here's a painting of a some 19th century doctors getting ready to perform an autopsy, Entitled: Can't get a Date.
And finally for today, an encore of "When Sculpture Met Opera" with improvements suggested by a reader….
Au Revoir! mon humide canards de amour. Au Revoir!
→ 14 CommentsTags: Art · Uncategorized
So, I visited The Pantheon, which is the place where France keeps many of it's famous dead guys. It cost like $12 to get in, so I was really hoping for a cool animatronic display of famous dead guys, with maybe Jules Verne driving Captain Nemo's Nautilus and Marie Antoinette getting guillotined every quarter hour or so. But no, all of the famous dead people in the Pantheon are inside of boxes or jars or both.
Here is the philosopher, Jean Jacques Rousseau, who explored the ideas of inalienable human rights, as well as inventing the aqua-lung and piloting the Calypso around the world on scuba adventures with his sons Jean Michele and Philippe.
Yes, France's greatest philosopher (Who beat out 2nd ranked Reneé Descarte, who said, "I think, therefore I am." with his famous rebuttal, "Am what?" In his paper, "My Response to that Douche-bag Descartes."). Each person is rated by the number of sad faces on their box, as compiled from an online pole. We can see that Rousseau has received 13 faces. We can only guess how many sad faces he might have gotten if they'd put him in here driving the Nautilus, but as a consolation, anyone in the Pantheon receiving more than ten sad faces gets a hot tub and a pool table in his box. (Not quite a cool private submarine, though, are they?)
Still, no matter how many famous dead guys in boxes you have, it doesn't seem worth $12. But they're like, "Monsieur, regard: We have not only dead guys, we haveFocault's Pendulum."
Basically, knowing that people were going to claim total "ripoff", unless they had more stuff in the Pantheon, Foucault installed the pendulum as a machine to prove that the Earth was actually rotating. (Sure, there was other evidence for this, like the sun rise and the fact that the continents weren't all smashing into each other, but hardly anything as mind-numbingly boring as "the pendulum."
I know. Oooooooo–ahhhhhhhhhhh. Like you need that to fill a ginormous building so you can put your best and brightest in the basement. It's like renting the Superdome so you'll have a place for your hamster to run.
But they sensed there was a problem, so they added this element of suspense. Right outside of the radius of the pendulum, is a bronze cat. Now, if the Earth ever tumbles off it's axis, anyone at the Parthenon will get the total spectacle of a bronze cat being smacked in the side of the head with a brass ball. (BASEMENT CAT IS CRUEL, LOLZ!) Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. It's like watching paint dry, but without the fun of the low grade buzz from toxic fumes.
Turns out that the Pantheon was already re-purposed for storage, because it used to be the church of St. Genevieve, who is the patron Saint of Paris because she comforted everyone after Attila the Hun raped and pillaged them in 451 A.D. There is still some evidence that it was a church, like this mosaic on the ceiling depicting "The Suspicion that Jesus Might be High."
Next time we'll explore some of the elements of French culture as depicted in art, like what they used to give out awards for before guys rode all over the country on bicycles for the honor of wearing a yellow spandex jersey.
1927 French National Naked Ping Pong Champion,
Sophie "I own you bitches!" Calaise
Abientot, my lubricious pomme de terres. Abientot!
→ 6 CommentsTags: Uncategorized
You can't throw a stick in Paris without hitting a Gothic Cathedral (which, by the way, they are totally touchy about, so if you can control yourself, don't throw a stick while in Paris), and at each cathedral, there is an array of gargoyles, which were, back in the day, used to direct rainwater away from the stone walls.
This is how they are done. They just sit there, doing nothing, now that most cathedrals have been equipped with gutters and downspouts.
In my new, improved version, gargoyles will remain concealed in the wall of the church until someone walks by, then, spring-loaded, they will pop out of the wall and say something to freak people out, as the Church has always intended.
Which brings me to lion sculpture. Pretty much any library, park, or museum is supposed to have a lion sculpture in front of it. This is basically to keep cat people from freaking out because they've actually left the house. Here's your basic, non-threatening lion sculpture.
Well, then they decided to improve the lions by adding elements to make them seem more important.
First they added children, because that just seemed like a good idea for some reason.
Then someone thought, "Know what would look good on that lion? Wings? Breasts? What? Yes, breasts…
Well, first, neither is a really good idea, but there are numerous reasons why wings are a bad idea, in addition to the chance of being hit by a bloody wildebeest haunch on the day you decide to wear your white linen suit out to the park.
Another bad side effect…
But we could ride them? Because lions love it when you sit on them!
But, as if wings on lions weren't a bad enough idea, someone came up with this:
Then you have this kind of thing happening…
Not an improvement, that's all I'm saying.
Next time, "Where they keep their dead guys and the worlds slowest cat toy."


text:
Hotels in 07511 - Totowa NJ
Only hotels in 07511 zip code are listed below. Search for cheap and discount hotel rates in Totowa, NJ for your upcoming leisure or conference / group travel. We list the best 07511 hotels and motels so you can review the Totowa hotel list below to find the perfect lodging. Hotels in Passaic county and area code 973 are also listed.
07511 Hotels, Motels & Accommodations
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
Golden Era Music Inc.
Artist: Cee
Song: Do Ya Hear Me?
Album: This Is All I Know
Cee's next album is slated to drop on Tuesday, April 10, via The Movement Fam, but Booth readers will get a sneak peek at the set the preceding Monday, when we host an exclusive listening... More
Posted one year ago
Artist: Trace Blam
Song: Styles Vary
Trace Blam and his homies' Styles may Vary, but I defy to listen to his debut feature and tell me they don't go together like chocolate, peanut butter and… something else that goes... More
Posted one year ago
Artist: AWKWORD
Song: Gas Land (Frack Off)
Album: World View
Hydrofracturing, the practice of injecting water, sand and chemicals into the earth at high pressure in order to extract petroleum and natural gas, has the potential to contaminate ground water,... More
Posted one year ago
Artist: The Audible Doctor
Song: Dirty N*gga
Unlike most members of the medical profession, The Audible Doctor isn't a stickler about hygiene. In fact, the Brooklyn-based rapper/producer likes to keep it nice and grimy. On new EP single... More
Posted one year ago
Artist: Curtessy
Featuring: Chaundon | Rome Clientel
Song: Muzik Therpy
Who needs a shrink when you've got a mic, a recording booth and an avid audience of hip-hop heads? On his first solo feature, making its world premiere on our front page, Curtessy undergoes a... More
Posted 2 years ago
Artist: AWKWORD
Album: World View
Based on the way American thinkers have written about our cultural "Melting Pot," you'd think that being thrown in a cauldron of boiling water was a positive and enriching experience. As any... More
Posted 2 years ago
Artist: Big Jess
Featuring: Chaundon | Greg Grease | Metasota
Song: Simple and Plain
Album: Honorable Mention Volume 4
Pop culture is littered with trilogies. From Star Wars to the Lakers of the early 00's, great things always seem to come in threes. For producer Big Jess, though, three just doesn't cut it,... More
Posted 2 years ago
Featuring: YC the Cynic
Song: Prosperity
Ever since the post-Civil War era, African-Americans have been struggling to get their rightful piece of the pie. Unfortunately, their journey toward Prosperity hasn't been without... More
Posted 2 years ago
Artist: The Audible Doctor
Song: Success (Part 1)
It's a tough life out there for an up-and-coming artist, but The Audible Doctor's determined to get his shine. On Success (Part 1) , the NYC rapper/producer cooks up a gritty, sampled... More
Posted 3 years ago
Featuring: Señor Kaos | Skinny-C
Song: All Out
HiPNOTT Records C.O.O., Cypher Lounge Radio co-founder and documentary filmmaker Kareem Fort has somehow found time in his busy schedule to put together a Booth-sponsored compilation album featuring... More
Posted 3 years ago
Featuring: Cymarshall Law | M-Dot
Song: El Mariachi
Not featured on the solo tip since he brought us Y'all Don't Want It back in summer of 2010, Chaundon returns to our pages with another dope ensemble cut. On new promo single El Mariachi,... More
Posted 3 years ago
Artist: YC the Cynic
Featuring: Rapper Big Pooh | King Mez | Chaundon
Song: More and More (Remix)
Did YC the Cynic's More and More leave you wanting, well, more, when it hit the Booth back in February? Well, your wish is the Bronx emcee's command. Today, the record returns in... More
Posted 3 years ago
Artist: Balance
Featuring: Rapper Big Pooh | Chaundon
Song: World Wide
When your hustle starts to grow so big that a single nation can no longer hold it, then there's only one thing to do about it: go World Wide! The latest West Coast representative to assert... More
Posted 3 years ago
Artist: Focus...
Featuring: Rapper Big Pooh | Chaundon
In today's fast-moving, often-superficial world, Perspective is a rare commodity. Though rap music as a whole plays a part in perpetuating – or at least reflecting – our culture's... More
Posted 4 years ago
Artist: M-Dot
Featuring: King Magnetic | Chaundon | Cymarshall Law
Song: Eastcoast Points
If you're familiar with the names involved in Eastcoast Points, you know exactly what to expect: pure, uncut underground excellence, with a Northeastern flair. This epic ensemble cut, the... More
Posted 4 years ago
Featuring: Carlitta Durand
Song: Y'all Don't Want It
Absent from our pages since he dropped entry #49 in our DJBooth.net Freestyle Series, Hall of Justus rapper Chaundon is back to tantalize us with a little reverse psychology – though the South Bronx... More
Posted 5 years ago
Song: Old School
The 49th entry in our DJBooth.net Freestyle Series comes courtesy of Chaundon, a South Bronx veteran best known for his work on '08 debut album Carnage, as well as his central role in Little... More
Posted 6 years ago
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Tag: EMC
Electrical/Electronic Regulatory Requirements for Top 5 Middle East Economies
by admin on May.19, 2015, under EMC, Product Safety, Wireless
Driven by vast petroleum resources, many parts of the Middle East are growing rapidly. Following are the region's biggest economies (listed largest to smallest), and electrical/electronic regulatory compliance issues for each.
Boasting the largest economy in the Middle East, Turkey is being considered for European Union membership and the EU CE Mark is accepted as proof of compliance for EMC, Safety LVD, Medical, and Industrial. Wireless and telecommunications products must meet country-specific requirements:
Authority: Information & Communications Technologies Authority (ICTA)
Representation: Local required, but no test samples
Standards: UE R&TTE ETSI
Documents: CE DoC, R&TTE test reports, LOA for local rep
Lead time: 4-6 weeks
Expiration: None
Saudi Arabia
With the 2nd largest Middle East economy, Saudi Arabia has special requirements for wireless and telecom products:
Authority: Communications and Information Technology Commission (CITC)
Representation: Local not required
Standards: FCC or EU
Documents: FCC Grant & test reports or CE DoC & R&TTE test reports
Lead time: 2-4 weeks
Expiration: 1 year/renewed annually
Saudi Arabia also has country-specific requirements for electronics/electrical products:
Authority: Saudi Standards, Metrology and Quality Organization (SASO)
Representation: Local not required
Standards: IEC
Documents: CB report or CE DoC & EU test reports
Lead time: 6-10 weeks
Expiration: 1 year/renewed annually
In Egypt, EMC, Health and Safety, Wireless and Telecom approvals are required for three categories: Wireless, Telecom and ITE.
Authority: National Telecommunication Regulatory Authority (NTRA)
Representation: Local not required
Standards: EU CE
Documents: CE DoC & EU test reports
Lead time: 8-10 weeks
Expiration: None
Israel has special requirements for wireless and telecom products:
Authority: Ministry of Communication (MOC)
Representation: Local required, but no test samples
Standards: UE R&TTE ETSI
Documents: CE DoC, R&TTE test reports, LOA for local rep
Lead time: 6-8 weeks
Expiration: 5 years/no renewal
Israel also has country-specific requirements for electronics/electrical products, including energy efficiency for some ITE products:
Authority: Standards Institute of Israel (SII)
Representation: Local required
Standards: SII
Documents: SII reports, construction files, user docs, LOA for local rep
Lead time: 6-8 weeks
Expiration: None
Note: MET Labs is hosting a North America Product Compliance Seminar in Israel next month.
United Arab Emirates
The UAE has special requirements for wireless and telecom products only:
Authority: Telecommunications Regulatory Authority (TRA)
Representation: Local required
Standards: EU CE
Documents: CE DoC & EU R&TTE test reports covering EMC/RF/Safety, LOA for local rep
Lead time: 6-10 weeks
Expiration: 3 years
MET Labs is deeply experienced helping product manufacturers access global markets through regulatory compliance assistance and global testing and certification. Contact us today for a free quotation to perform testing and/or certification for any country or market.
More Products Are Subject to FCC and R&TTE Wireless Module Compliance
by admin on Feb.23, 2015, under EMC, Wireless
Wireless modules are increasingly being integrated into everyday products, like refrigerators, cars, and consumer medical devices. Therefore, more manufacturers need to be aware of the regulatory requirements of wireless transmitters.
European Union
In the European Union, it is mandatory that radio equipment meets the requirements for the Radio and Telecommunications Terminal Equipment Directive (R&TTE) 1999/5/EC (replaced in June 2016 by the Radio Equipment Directive 2014/53/EC).
The manufacturer of the wireless-enabled product is responsible for its overall compliance. Module manufacturers must provide clear instructions of integration to any host product manufacturer.
Since the R&TTE Directive does not make specific reference to wireless modules, there are no strict rules to follow, but there are a few general guidelines to keep in mind:
- When an R&TTE compliant module is integrated into a final host product, no further radio compliance testing is required, provided the module is integrated in accordance with its manufacturer's instructions
- The final host product must always meet the other essential safety and EMC requirements of the directive
- The most common method of demonstrating compliance and a presumption of conformity with R&TTE is by using harmonized standards
The R&TTE Compliance Association has issued guidance on the use of wireless modules: Technical Guidance Note 01 on the R&TTED compliance requirements for a Radio Module and the Final Product that integrates a Radio Module, May 2013.
North America
In the U.S. and Canada, the approval process is straightforward, unless there are multiple modules integrated together.
The Federal Communications Commission's (FCC) rules on module integration are explained in CFR 47 Part 15.212, with further detail in the guidance document KDB 996369. The Industry Canada rules for modules are similar to those of the FCC and are spelled out in RSS-GEN Section 3.
In order for a wireless module to meet the requirements of FCC Part 15, it must comply with the requirements for shielded circuitry, a unique antenna connector, stand-alone configuration, and RF exposure limits. Once these guidelines are met, FCC modular approval is granted through a TCB like MET Labs, and the product may be operated under certain conditions of use. If the conditions of the grant are met, further testing is not required for the intentional radiator part of the host equipment.
Where multiple modules are integrated together, the rules can become more complex. This is particularly true if the host device is to be used in a portable application within 20cm of the human head or body and RF exposure becomes a major issue. Then SAR testing is required.
Where the conditions of the modular grant cannot be adhered to when integrated into the final host, additional testing and certification is usually required.
To learn more about wireless compliance, attend our upcoming EMC & Wireless Design and Testing Seminar in Santa Clara, CA. If you have an upcoming need for wireless equipment testing or compliance assistance, contact us today.
EMC Testing Requires Robust Traceability in EMI Measurements
by admin on Feb.09, 2015, under EMC
As a leading 3rd party EMC Test Lab, MET Labs maintains a strict ISO/IEC 17025-2005 Quality System. This system includes a set of requirements addressing the subject of traceability of measurement results.
Traceability means that the result of a measurement can be related to a national or international measurement standard, and that this relationship is documented. In addition, the measuring instrument must be calibrated by a measurement standard that is itself traceable.
Traceability is important because it allows the comparison of the accuracy of measurements worldwide according to a standardized procedure for estimating measurement uncertainty.
To guarantee traceability, MET uses measuring equipment that has been calibrated by an accredited calibration laboratory and meets international specifications:
- CISPR 16-1-1 for a measuring receiver (EMI receiver or spectrum analyzer)
- ANSI C63.5 for antennas
If no standard is available to calibrate a piece of test equipment (e.g. for spectrum analyzers or signal generators), MET uses the equipment manufacturer's calibration process, per ISO/IEC 17025.
Since the calibration of measuring receivers has caused confusion in the EMC community, CISPR subcommittee A is in preparation of a normative annex to CISPR 16-1-1 (the future CISPR 16-1-6) to better outline the calibration requirements for measuring receivers.
In summary, EMC test results at MET Labs are subject to a strict Quality System that ensures accuracy, repeatability, and traceability. Contact us today for a free quote for your next EMC testing need.
FDA Adds 4th edition of IEC 60601-1-2 to EMC Consensus Standards List
by admin on Jan.12, 2015, under EMC, Medical
In July 2014, the FDA recognized the 4th edition of IEC 60601-1-2 as a standard that can be used to show EMC compliance for medical electrical devices and systems.
The complete standard is recognized with the following exception:
In Subclause 8.9, Table 8 on Page 39: The citation of Note b) under "Conducted disturbances induced by RF fields" (4th Row) is not recognized.
Starting on April 1, 2017 the FDA will no longer accept declarations of conformity in support of either IEC 60601-1-2 Edition 3:2007 or ANSI/AAMI/IEC 60601-1-2:2007. This recognition affects all electrical medical devices, except for active implanted devices.
However, a new FDA publication "Design Considerations for Devices Intended for Home Use – Guidance for Industry and Food and Drug Administration Staff" suggests using the 4th edition of IEC 60601-1-2 for Home Healthcare environments now (not 2017!) to cover test levels which may not be properly addressed in the 3rd edition.
Some of the changes to the 4th edition from the 3rd edition of IEC 60601-1-2 are:
- With regards to electromagnetic environments, the "life supporting equipment" category has been removed
- CISPR 15 has been removed as an option for lighting features, replaced by CISPR 11
- ESD test levels were increased for both air and contact type discharges
- RF susceptibility test levels are now specified based on the intended use environment
- Transient tests on DC input power ports in accordance with ISO 7637-2 have been added
- New conducted RF disturbances requirements are based on location of intended use
- Test levels for power frequency magnetic fields increased tenfold, to 30 A/m
- Testing is now at multiple phase angles for the half-cycle, 100% voltage dip
There are many other changes in the 4th edition, contact MET Labs to schedule a new product discovery or existing product 'gap analysis.'
MET is a leading independent test lab for medical equipment approvals for product safety, EMC and performance. Learn more about Medical Compliance Testing.
Top 10 Compliance Today Blog Posts for Electrical Compliance Engineers in 2014
by admin on Jan.05, 2015, under EMC, Product Safety
Just like last year, the Compliance Today blog for electrical product manufacturer compliance engineers saw a significant increase in readers and subscribers for 2014. Following were the most popular posts, by pageviews.
- IEC 60601-1-2 4th Edition for Medical EMC Has Immunity & Risk Management Changes
- EN 61326-1: 2013 Replacing 2006 Version for EMC Directive Evaluation of Lab, Test & Measurement Equipment
- EN55032 Replacing EN55022 and Others for CE Marking of Multimedia Equipment
- New Radio Equipment Directive Adopted by EU, Awaits Publication in OJ
- CE Marking Directives Recast to Align with New Legislative Framework
- IEC 60601-1 3rd Edition for Medical Electrical Equipment Continues to Gain Adoption in Global Markets
- Some Electronic Devices Are Exempt from FCC EMC Testing
- Top 20 Non-Compliance Findings for Panel & Motor-Operated Equipment
- EMI/EMC Testing Best Practices – Before & During Your Lab Visit
- Radio Equipment Directive (RED) Replacing R&TTE Directive, is Published in OJ
To receive an email of each blog post when it publishes (about once a week), subscribe on the right side of this page.
Want more in-depth information on one of these topics? Check to see if we are planning a seminar or webinar on it.
Need electrical product testing? Fill an RFQ.
EU Inverters Mostly Non-Compliant to EMC Emissions Requirements in EN 55011 and EN 61000-6-3
by admin on Dec.29, 2014, under EMC
In the first half of 2014, the European Union's EMC Administrative Cooperation Working Group (EMC ADCO) performed a cross-border EMC market surveillance campaign to assess the compliance of grid-connected solar panel inverters (and optimisers) intended to be used by consumers. Inverters allow electricity generated by solar photovoltaic (PV) modules to be fed into the mains electrical supply of a building, or directly into the public electricity grid.
The primary purpose of the campaign was to assess the compliance of inverter samples randomly taken from the market, with the provisions of the EMC Directive (EMCD). EMC ADCO is not a regulatory body, so there were no penalties assessed as a result of non-compliance.
Fifty-five products were assessed between January 1, 2014 and the 30th June 2014. In general, the level of compliance with the administrative and technical requirements was considered very low. Overall, only 9% of the Equipment Under Test (EUT) were assessed as compliant.
The results of the assessment of EUT showed:
- Approximately a third (38%) were administratively compliant (related to CE mark use and Declarations of Conformity)
- A third (33%) were technically compliant with an applicable harmonized standard
For emissions, 38% were compliant to EN 55011 Table 8 limits at mains terminals in the frequency range 9 kHz-150 kHz. For the DC side (optional), 43% were compliant to EN 61000-6-3 emission requirements to the DC power port. Immunity aspects were not assessed.
Fourteen European countries participated in the campaign. The majority of EUT – 58 % – were of EU/EFTA origin.
EMC ADCO concluded: "The EUT represented a large sample of the products available on the market and it is clear that much remains to be done by manufacturers in terms of compliance."
MET Labs is a leading 3rd party evaluator of inverters for Europe, North America, and Asia. Contact us today for a free quote for inverter testing and certification for product safety and/or electromagnetic compatibility (including anti-islanding).
How to Request FCC Confidentiality for Proprietary Product Information
by admin on Dec.08, 2014, under Wireless
On October 16, 2014 the FCC published 726920 D01 Confidentiality Request Procedures, a new document that details the steps required to ensure proprietary information about your device will be held confidential.
To be granted confidentiality, your application must include a reference to 0.457(d) and 0.459 of the FCC Rules, the reason why the information should be held from the public, specific confidential information by exhibit type, name, and description, an indication if the information is a "trade secret," a signature, and the type of confidentiality requested. Confidentiality Letters must specifically reference the documents you wish to withhold from the public.
The two types of confidentiality are long term and short term.
Under long term confidentiality, the following exhibits are held private without filing a request:
- Software defined radio, cognitive radio attachments submitted into the SDR software, security info exhibit type
- Scanning receiver information included in one of the exhibits noted as "commonly held confidential" and scanning receiver internal photos
Under long term confidentiality, the following exhibits can be held private upon request:
- Schematics
- Block diagrams
- Operational descriptions
- Parts list/tune up info
Under short term confidentiality, exhibits held private are the same as long term confidentiality, plus:
- External photos
- Test set up photos
- Internal photos
- User manuals
Short term confidentiality can only last up to 180 days. If you request short term confidentiality but market your device before the 180 day period is over, you must notify your Telecommunication Certification Body (TCB) so your confidentiality request can be removed.
If you are seeking confidentiality for an exhibit not listed above, you are able to petition the FCC and all approvals are made on a case-by-case basis.
MET Labs is a leading provider of FCC Testing and FCC Certification. Contact us today for a free fast-response quotation.
Read about how Some Electronic Devices Are Exempt from FCC EMC Testing.
EMI/EMC Testing Best Practices – Before & During Your Lab Visit
by admin on Aug.26, 2014, under EMC
Most electrical/electronic designs today are subject to electromagnetic interference/electromagnetic compatibility (EMI/EMC) testing.
Preparation before entering the test laboratory is vital.
Before Testing
The first step is to write a test plan. If you are working in the defense industry, a military test plan is usually a contract requirement. If not, you'll still want one. If you don't know enough to create one, ask your lab to do it, or to recommend an independent consultant who can help.
A good test plan includes:
- A configuration, mode of operation, and monitoring method, which represents a worst case scenario from an EMC perspective
- Special software, test fixtures, and supporting equipment may be needed to exercise the equipment under test
- A description of hardware to be tested, including peripherals & I/O configurations
- An indication of which external power and data I/O ports need to be tested for each test method
- Required tests
- A definition of failure criteria
- How to monitor, recognize & report failures
- Special needs: Software, power, cooling, etc.
Then, get pricing and scheduling from a leading 3rd party test lab, like MET Labs.
You'll have to determine what the lab will supply versus what you will supply. You will need:
- Equipment under test (EUT) & spares
- Cables & connectors
- Test fixture (for some programs)
- Tool kit
- EMI suppression supplies – ferrites, copper tape, etc.
- The equipment's design or compliance engineer or someone else familiar with the product to witness testing
In the Lab
Preliminary testing (pre-testing) is always a good idea. Shortened versions of each test method can be performed to identify failures. Design modifications can be made before final testing is scheduled. A radiated emissions pre-test, often referred to as a pre-scan, is the most common pre-test performed. Even if there is no plan to perform pre-testing for the other test methods, a radiated emissions pre-scan can identify failures and allow for design modifications, which will likely cause the equipment under test to perform better for the other test methods as well.
Then run the full program as specified in the test plan. If you pass the first time, congratulations! If not, don't take it personally – it's not unusual, especially with early-stage pre-compliance testing. And practically anything can be overcome.
If you fail a test, do some quick troubleshooting – you may be able to fix the problem right away. Do the easy things first:
- Verify that the EUT is still working properly. This is particularly important with immunity tests that might cause damage.
- Unplug external cables to see if it improves results. External cables, although not designed to do so, act as antennas to radiate emissions and receive RF interference.
- Add ferrites to cables
- Clean mating, conductive surfaces of paint and other materials.
- Add an RF filter module at the power input to the equipment under test to limit RF emissions and protect from continuous conducted disturbances.
- Add a MOVs or other transient limiting device at the power input to protect from transient disturbances.
- To limit leakage, wrap the EUT in aluminum foil
For immunity, back off the test levels to determine the actual failure levels. If you are close, maybe a ferrite will fix things. If not, that's good information to have – it will help you narrow the possible failure mechanisms.
Don't be afraid to ask for suggestions. Test engineers at an experienced lab like MET will have seen hundreds if not thousands of products, and know many debug and quick-fix solutions.
MET Labs is a full-service EMC testing lab with multiple convenient locations. Contact us for a free quick-response quotation.
Some Electronic Devices Are Exempt from FCC EMC Testing
by admin on Jul.22, 2014, under EMC, Wireless
Most electronic devices destined for sale in the U.S. fall under Part 15 (CFR 47) of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) rules for limits to the unintentional and intentional emission of radiation. However, there are some exemptions that you may be able to take advantage of, depending on the nature of your product. You can find the bulk of this information in Section 15.103 of the rules.
The FCC says it is "strongly recommended" that you still attempt to comply with the rules, regardless of your product type. They have the power to halt sales of your device if the device has been found to cause harmful interference, so proceed with caution.
Here is a simplified description of product types that are FCC exempt from digital emissions testing:
- A digital device utilized exclusively in any transportation vehicle including motor vehicles and aircraft. Note: wireless devices are subject to other FCC rules.
- A digital device used exclusively as an electronic control or power system utilized by a public utility or in an industrial plant.
- A digital device used exclusively as industrial, commercial, or medical test equipment.
- A digital device utilized exclusively in an appliance, e.g., microwave oven, dishwasher, clothes dryer, air conditioner, etc.
- Specialized medical digital devices (generally used under the supervision of a licensed health care practitioner) whether used in a patient's home or a health care facility.
- Digital devices that have a power consumption not exceeding 6 nW.
- Joystick controllers or similar devices, such as a mouse, used with digital devices but which contain only non-digital circuitry or a simple circuit to convert the signal to the format required (e.g., an integrated circuit for analog to digital conversion).
- Digital devices in which both the highest frequency generated and the highest frequency used are less than 1.705 MHz and which do not operate from the AC power lines. Digital devices that include battery eliminators, AC adaptors or battery chargers which permit operation while charging or that connect to the AC power lines indirectly do not fall under this exemption.
Although not noted in section 15.103, equipment authorization is also not required for:
- Personal use home-built devices (not kit-constructed) that are assembled in quantities of five or less
- Low-frequency devices that don't generate timing signals or pulses at a rate in excess of 9,000 pulses (cycles) per second (i.e., 9 kHz)
Note that equipment is not exempt unless all of the devices in the equipment meet the criteria for exemption. For example, if you have a specialized medical digital device with a wireless transmitter, the wireless transmitter still has to be tested.
Please confirm with MET Labs whether you are indeed exempt as there are some caveats to this information.
And, of course, FCC-exempt devices might be required to undergo other types of testing, like product safety certification for U.S. OSHA compliance or EMC testing for CE marking in Europe. Contact MET for a full evaluation of your product line and its intended markets.
IEC 60601-1-2 4th Edition for Medical EMC Has Immunity & Risk Management Changes
by admin on May.28, 2014, under EMC, Medical
In February 2014, the IEC published IEC 60601-1-2:2014, ed 4.0 for Medical EMC. There are a number of changes in the 4th edition, including new immunity and risk analysis requirements.
For new products in the U.S., the FDA will make a decision on the 4th edition this July, with a likely 3-year transition period (2017 recognition). The FDA does not currently require retesting of legacy products unless changes are made to the product that may affect its compliance.
Canada is planning to review the 4th Edition sometime in 2015 so it will not be accepted before 2015/2016. It's typically 3 years before accepted standards are required for new submittals.
In Europe, CENELEC has voted affirmatively to accept the 4th edition but has not set a date to withdrawal (DOW) the 3rd edition. The DOW of the current 3rd Edition is expected in the 2017-2018 timeframe. There is no grandfathering in Europe.
Following are some of the key changes in the 4th edition.
Use environments are split into three areas:
- Professional Healthcare Facility Environment
- Home Healthcare Environment
- Special Environment (test levels specified in Annex E)
Small clinic, and Home use equipment need CISPR 11 Class B emission, IEC 61000-3-2 Class A harmonic distortion, and IEC 61000-3-3 voltage fluctuation and flicker. The home use equipment needs 10 V/m, 80 MHz to 1 GHz immunity.
For equipment that is installed in an aircraft or an ambulance, additional testing per ISO 7137 and CISPR 25 applies.
For an EUT with auto ranging power supply, most tests are required to be performed at one nominal voltage only. Only voltage interruptions need to be performed at maximum and minimum voltage if the rated voltage range is >25% of lowest rated input voltage.
Immunity test levels increase:
- The range of testing for radiated immunity harmonized up to 2.7GHz (up from 2.5GHz in the 3rd edition)
- Magnetic immunity at 30A/m
- Conducted immunity at 6V in ISM bands
- ESD at 8kV contact and 15kV air (up from 6kV and 8kV in the 3rd edition)
- Voltage dips and interruptions at additional phase angles
In addition to these Immunity changes:
- Immunity levels (Table 9) are harmonized with IEC 60601-1-11
- Immunity testing now follows the same port-by-port convention of the IEC 61000-6 series of Generic EMC standards
- Immunity to proximity fields from RF wireless communications equipment is now included, and is based on a minimum separation distance of 30cm
- There is a procedure for continuing to test a product that is damaged by an immunity test signal
And Risk Management is expanded:
- Manufacturers will be required to submit a test plan and the risk analysis document before testing
- Operating modes are based on risk analysis
- Reasonably foreseeable electromagnetic disturbances (Annex F) shall be taken into account in the risk management process
- The risk management process is used to determine whether subsystem testing is allowed
- The minimum separation distance are considered in the risk management process
- Reduced test levels (e.g. based on the intended use of the product) must be justified in the risk management file
MET Labs has extensive experience doing EMC testing and product safety testing for medical equipment and scores of other product categories.
Contact us for questions about these changes or for a free quote to test and certify medical equipment to any edition of 60601-1.


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The president takes over Stephen Colbert's "The Word" segment and turns it into "The Decree." He squeezes in a crack about LinkedIn while he's at it.
Hackers infiltrated the US government's healthcare portal, but did not steal any data uploaded by customers.
The iPad, iPhone, and much-rumored iWatch are all part of Apple's plan to sell health and fitness monitoring tools and services to consumers and healthcare providers.
Many software developers are cribbing code, and its flaws, that someone else created. And the problem is only getting harder to keep up with.
The company is claiming it has the largest selection of wearables of any carrier, with more than 30 devices offered.
AMC and Channel 4's new TV show sees smiling, servile "synths" in every home... but is it them or us who should be feared?
Intel has a goal to drive growth and career development for women and minorities in order to achieve "full representation" at every level by 2020.
Emerald Therapeutics and companies like it want to be the Amazon Web Services of bioscience. If they succeed, they could potentially speed the big, breakthrough discoveries.
The man behind the heartbeat-reading startup has warned of the potential abuses of the new technology.
In a management shakeup, the official who supervised the launch of the health care site says he's leaving for the private sector.


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R60/5 rebuild nears completion with some puzzles. . .
I'm approaching first phase completion of what has been an unremarkable, although lengthy, restoration of my airhead. In fact, this is probably the longest rebuild in the history of this forum and is possibly the only thing that distinguishes it from many other restoration projects here.
A little history – I bought the 1973 bike in 1984 and vaguely remember riding it home. It looked like it had been through a war and had obviously seen a rough life in Ontario by the PO who racked up about 87,000 tough kilometers (54,000 miles). He was clearly not mechanically inclined nor was he a big fan of preventative maintenance. In a final leap of faith, he rode the bike from Sudbury to Vancouver, a distance of about 2000 miles, and left it with a buddy who ultimately sold it to me. I think I paid 800 bucks for it.
I immediately dismantled the bike with the intention of rebuilding it back in the 1980s but two marriages, parenthood, a career and a couple of house renovations intervened. By some miracle, the boxes of parts survived mostly intact despite several moves. Every now and then, I would grab a random part and clean, polish, paint or otherwise refurbish it but never with the benefit of an actual shop manual and mostly prior to the invention of the internet (stupid is what stupid does). I stopped short of dismantling the engine but did replace some key gaskets mostly to keep the garage floor clean – the transmission was treated to new gaskets and seals as well. Over time, I began to run out of parts to clean/paint/fix and a year ago realized I could actually start the reassembly process so I dug up the paperwork and transferred the title (I know, I know. . .)
Despite the abuse the bike suffered in the hands of the PO, many of the parts were relatively pristine since it only had about ten years of use. In a sense, the almost three decades it spent disassembled in boxes prevented further deterioration and preserved it in almost a time capsule-like state. In my opinion, these relics are a portal into mid-20th century engineering and should be preserved in their original state or as close to it as possible.
Using almost all original parts on this project turned out to have been a good idea – I've been checking the market for used parts and whole bikes from this era and it's clear to me the old slash fives are becoming highly prized – of course, you already knew that. Too bad I threw out the chrome toaster panels on the gas tank in '84 (couldn't possibly understand why anyone would want them back then!) I have had plenty of time to examine each part closely and am often struck by their beauty (yes, I really said that). The factory used slide rules, intuition, imagination and process of elimination to refine their designs – I guess that's why lots of kids like these old bikes.
Anyway, even though this project could be called a sympathetic restoration, I'm not beyond using non-period parts such as stainless steel mufflers for /6 models just because I got a great deal on them. I'm actually a cheapskate at heart. In fact I shot the frame, tank, fenders, headlight and other parts with black metallic polyurethane paint that has no authentic merit at all. I'm not even going to put the pinstripes back on – I don't like them and don't care what the purists say. The next owner can correct these abominations if he is so inclined.
I won't bore you with details of the rebuild process but will be pleased to share with you the final phases, some of which are proving to be problematic. I'd be grateful for your input so feel free to make recommendations and point out areas where I've screwed up – I know you're a tough crowd and I welcome constructive criticism.
First, a few photos documenting the state of the project then I'll describe the first puzzle and I think it will entertain you (there will undoubtedly be many more to come). Some of you have already seen some of my photos on Photobucket but this thread will put them into context -
Here's the first puzzle -
When I GENTLY torque the ATU nut, the camshaft tip turns but the crankshaft and valves do not move.
When I turn the crank, the valves function correctly and the camshaft tip turns along with the ATU. The threads on the camshaft tip are fine and I have verified that the tip does, in fact turn while the cam sprocket does not. This would indicate the Woodruff key is possibly sheared but why would the entire camshaft and tip turn when I manually turn the crankshaft? The last time I checked, the camshaft is one piece - unless mine is fractured. If anyone is interested, I will post the next series of photos showing what I found when I removed the duplex chain cover.
Sounds like a bit of slop in the chain. Sounds normal or it could be getting to the point the chain and associated parts need replacement.
There is also a small amount of slop in the position of the ATU on the D shape at the tip of the cam shaft. This need to be taken into account when timing the engine but once the timing is correct and the nut is tightened it can be forgotten about till the next time the ATU is taken loose.
The gears on the ends of the crank shaft and cam shaft are not loose enough that they can rotate.
Maybe what you are seeing is the ATU rotates a certain amount independent of the cam tip? This is how it Advances the timing. It is the advance Unit. As the rpm increases to ATU advances the moment the points are opened. With the ATU bolted in place on the tip of the cam shaft grab the top portion of the ATU and rotate. You can see the points cam underneath moving to open the points sooner. It is most properly called a "mechanical advance unit".
Diston, you're right about the chain slop although it's actually severe enough to chew into the bearing carrier -.
You can see how slack it is here -
I was kind of anticipating a worn chain and/or sprockets. But that's not the immediate problem.
What I can't understand is why the camshaft tip can be turned independent of its sprocket. And I mean turned completely, not just a little bit. Like the woodruff key is sheared.
It still doesn't explain why when I turn the crankshaft, the camshaft lobes turn and engage the valve lifters. Something's not adding up. Replacing the timing chain and gears, tensioner, etc., would be pretty straight forward but I'm sensing a bigger problem. I was hoping to avoid an engine tear down for a while. Any ideas?
Replace the chain and crank sprocket-- they're worn.
The camshaft tip is machined from the same casting that the camshaft is. The cam sprocket is a good press fit with a key to the camshaft, and (in the unlikely event) it was loose you'd see all manner of destruction around the keyway.
Thanks for the response, Bill. Agreed, the camshaft is one piece. So turning the camshaft tip should cause the valves to open and close. This is not the case. I'm still perplexed.
I believe what you are seeing as a problem is not a problem. Lets try to divide this thing into several parts to make explanation more easy to digests.
We can see the timing chain is in need of replacement. This can wait but should be taken care of sooner rather than later. When the timing chain is done you will need the chain, small gear on the crankshaft, bearing in front of gear, tensioner parts. We do not normally change the large gear on the cam shaft.
The cam chain and it's gears is the connection between the crankshaft and the cam. The small nut on the tip of the cam shaft is holding the advance unit on the end of the cam shaft. The advance unit operates the ignition points. You must be careful with this small nut and not over tighten it. The small piece of thread on the end of the cam shaft can be broken.
Once the advance unit is on the end of the cam shaft and the small nut is tightened the advance unit can be rotated. It does this in operation. It is how it advances the timing which is what we want it to do. It will only rotate a certain amount and I forget what this is. It is the number of degrees that the ignition is advanced in operation. A total of 26 or 28 degrees or there abouts.
You are rotating the advance unit, not the cam shaft.
Disston's right.
Don't overthink this.
And especially don't go anywhere without replacing the timing chain. It very loose and has been replaced once, but the a master link was used and the keeper clip installed in such a way that it could be dislodged with the chain rattling against the front main bearing housing. Major headache if that master link parts company.
BTW, it is not uncommon to see timing chains loose enough to rub in the fashion that yours has. Not uncommon but not pretty either. This really needs fixing right away.
Turns out I'm not crazy after all.
Thanks fellas for your comments. Did some research the last couple of days and the results will likely shock you. First, I made absolutely sure of the following:
1. The camshaft tip definitely turns independently of its sprocket. It's somewhat stiff but doesn't cause me to over-torque the nut.
2. The camshaft tip can be made to turn by its nut without activating the cam lobes.
3. The camshaft and lobes can be made to turn correctly by turning the crankshaft.
How can this possibly be true? Turns out, the camshaft tip and the camshaft are actually two pieces (the tip is press fitted into the end of the camshaft.) For some reason, mine apparently wasn't machined to the right tolerances. If you tighten the nut on the ATU, the entire ATU moves clockwise relative to the camshaft.
How the previous owner managed to set the timing is anyone's guess.
I confirmed this today by visiting our local BMW shop and told him my dilemma. He thought I was nuts. He brought out an old camshaft and to his surprise, determined that it is a two-piece unit. He tells me he has never seen a cam tip slip in his 30 years in the business and he's changed a lot of them.
While I was there, I bought a shop manual.
You're joking , right?
Cross my heart.
In all my years... :huh:eek1:huh:eek1
I still am convinced that the /5 camshaft (including the point cam shaft--AKA "the camshaft tip") has to be machined in one piece. This is the simply most reasonable manufacturing process since the D-shaped end determines the ignition timing.
I'm not saying your observation is wrong. It's been years since I've looked closely at at camshaft and I don't have one I can look at here, so I may have had the misimpression all these years.
Anton?? BMWrench? et al? :deal
At any rate, unless we can thing of some way to re-index that points cam tip in the engine, you'll need to replace the camshaft... :(
Yes, there's no question the camshaft is unusable. I had already resigned myself to a new chain job - might as well go all the way and change out the camshaft while I'm at it. If the camshaft sprocket is worn, I would have had to pull the camshaft anyway - could be a blessing in disguise.
I'm betting the PO never discovered the slipped cam tip and couldn't figure out why the timing was always off. Must have driven him absolutely nuts.
Yes, the end of the camshaft the auto advance is attached to is an interference fit into a ground hole in the end of the cam. The end is known as a drive quill. I was at the Pennsylvania Airheads SuperTech last weekend and talked with a guy whose quill first slipped, then pulled out. This amazed me, because I have had cause to remove them. They didn't come willingly. However, the ones I removed were from /7s-it may be that the fit had to be improved.
During a conversation with Tom Anderson (of Anderson Cams) some years ago, he told me that they had slotted the quill so air would not be trapped as it was pushed in. BMW did not do this.
Live and learn.
How is the drive quill indexed to the camshaft/cam sprocket? That D-shaped end of the quill has to be oriented precisely for ignition timing.
This explains the reports we've heard/seen over the years about the timing being off so much that the points plate couldn't be turned enough. I've usually assumed a stretched timing chain.
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I enjoy trying new things and always strive to be open-minded about most subjects. I enjoy the summers up north in Flagstaff for vacation-fishing, hiking, camping with friends and family. You might see me out at Saguaro Lake cruising around on my boat early Sat or Sun mornings too! It's the only way you can beat the heat and still have some fun in AZ. I also enjoy being around good friends BBQ and being social. One of the reasons I am on match is to get away from the social bar scene. My idea of a perfect place is somewhere relaxing we can enjoy a mature conversation about life without all the noise and drunk people. (Honestly) Creating a profile for you to read and learn more about me before we meet sounds like a great start to dating. Timing is everything! However if we do decide to chat or we arrange a date I can promise you that- I love the simple things in life, will challenge you at most activities, have a great sense of humor, and love being happy! What I am looking for in a lady? Someone who does not smoke-the smell gives me a headache and I don't like stopping on the way out to pick up a pack! A person who is active and enjoys watching or playing sports. Has a good sense of humor when out and around the group of friends. I want to meet the lady who is ready to hold my hand, looks in my eyes, as we dance and enjoy life together
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Can't give away all my hot spots! Vapor Vortex Down Town. Copper Blues on the weekends, Scottsdale old town dancing. Favorite chill spot Kelly's Bar and Hi-Fii. That's all I feel comfortable saying right now. Wink-
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The GreenIQ Smart Garden Hub wants to help you save water by gathering weather info and info from other connected garden devices, and sending it all to your sprinklers.
Talk about a travel buddy: the Filehub offers just about everything the road warrior needs, all in a compact package.
Massive Windows 10 computers for the workplace hit $20,000, Samsung shows off transparent screens, and Facebook puts games inside Messenger.
Massive Windows 10 computers for the workplace hit $20,000, Samsung shows off transparent screens, and Facebook puts games inside Messenger.
The enormous touch-screen monitors meant to replace entire conference room setups may put you back the price of an entry-level sedan. But that's cheap, Microsoft says.
The $230 Lutron kit, complete with Smart Bridge hub, two plug-in dimmer modules and two remote controls works like a charm.
Staples Connect is a reliable, easy-to-use platform, and the new D-Link hub is undeniably better than the original. If you already own devices that'll work with it, the new hub makes a lot of sense, but if you're starting your smart home from scratch, consider waiting to see what happens with Apple HomeKit and SmartThings 2.0.
The marketplace for buying and selling sports and concert tickets hopes to expand its mission to become a resource for finding and planning for events.
This cool-looking travel companion doubles as a Wi-Fi router and triples as a mobile charger.
Technically Incorrect: Champaign-Urbana, Ill., the place that educated Mark Andreessen among others, thinks you associate it with "overweight white people." So it makes an ad to say so and get you to bring your tech skills there.


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The mother of a newborn baby found dead in an Eagle River park Tuesday morning remained hospitalized as of Thursday afternoon, Anchorage police said.
No charges have been filed against the mother, identified only as an adult, police spokeswoman Jennifer Castro said.
Someone walking in Turner Park called 911 around 9:30 a.m. Tuesday after finding the baby wrapped in a towel and not breathing, police said at the time.
It appeared the baby was born without medical help. The baby's umbilical cord was still attached when it was found, Castro said Thursday. Providers generally cut the cord shortly after a baby is born.
The woman is being treated at a local hospital for medical issues related to the baby's delivery, she said.
Police were not releasing details on the baby's condition pending autopsy results to determine whether it was alive at birth, what caused its death and other factors, Castro said.
A police investigation is ongoing, she said.
Reach Zaz Hollander at email@example.com or 257-4317.
By ZAZ HOLLANDER


text:
Hey there!
Dunno if you remember but I was discussing the Josie Maran Argan Blend Concealer a little bit ago. I seen it at Sephora about two weeks ago or so but it wasn't on the site.
Stupidly, I didn't pick it up at the time and I'm kinda regretting it as it looks quite good.
Well, good news, it has popped up on the Sephora site today!
Check it!


text:
A contemporary classic, the Stacy Garcia Fancy Fern Peacock Plug-In Swag Chandelier brings twenty-first century glamour to any room.
This swag style chandelier features a bold shade design from internationally renowned hospitality designer Stacy Garcia. Known for her use of color and pattern, Stacy's exclusive line of giclee shades makes a wonderfully colorful and unique design statement. Plug the light into any standard wall outlet, and then hang the cord on the included swag hooks. Drape the cord as desired. The lamp features a brushed silver finish spider fitting and a silver cord. In-line on/off switch controls the light. Includes swag hooks and mounting hardware. U.S. Patent # 7,347,593.
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text:
Palisades cover Macklemore
Fuckem, Could this band be any less creative.
This was one of the worst things I've heard.
Look at them relevant haircuts. Shitty girls are loving this
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