text:
Irony, n., 1. the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really think especially in order to be funny; 2. a situation that is strange or funny because things happen in a way that seems to be the opposite of what you expected.
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
The Artist's Palette :: Elizabeth Graeber
Bird screen print by Elizabeth Graeber
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Thomas James
Thomas James is an Illustrator who has worked with The New York Times, WIRED, Pentagram, Wall Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, and many others. You can see his portfolio at thomasjamesillustration.com.
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Posted by Handyman on Dec 28, 2011 in | Comments Off
Press Releases
Steve Bowman's All In One Handyman is a professional handyman service. He is knowledgeable, neat, considerate, on time, affordable and provides straight forward advice and recommendations. I have used him for many projects and would also use him for larger projects now. He even fixed a pump from a our jacuzzi tub after not being able to find a replacement and that was after 3 professional plumbers gave up. Newport Beach CA 92661
Bruce Brandenburg
Steve is awesome. We just had a kitchen remodel done and he came over on Christmas Eve to do the touch ups our contractor refused to do as well as some other misc tasks. He painted the kitchen ceiling, fixed drywall holes, fixed our saggy/dragging patio gate and installed the new cabinet handles. He came by to evaluate on Saturday, told us what we'd need from Lowe's and as I said, on Christmas Eve he left us with a much more polished kitchen.. :) We will be having him back soon to stain & install a built in wine rack. :) very happy customer! Michelle Dunphy, from Irvine, CA.
Michelle Dunphy
All In 1 Handyman was the best general contractor I've worked with for my house project. I also got lots of free advices from him to keep up with my 35 years old house in Irvine, CA. He is good, honest, and flexible and I will probably use him as long as I live in Orange County, CA.
Rumi Walsh
"AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME! Steve is great! I hired Steve to put a roof over my patio and he took every effort to help me to save as much money as possible without taking any kinds of shortcuts. He also finished a full day ahead of schedule which was a delight! He has lots of experience in general construction and can probably handle just about anything.
Should also note that Steve's communication, work ethic, and punctuality are EXCELLENT! He is efficient, neat, stays focused and shows up on time, every time. He has all his own gear in a big truck and he really goes above and beyond for you. Cleaned up after himself, which is amazing as you know most workers do not do the best cleanup after themselves so it was a pleasure. He's a skilled guy with integrity. I was very very impressed with the work he did and am a BIG fan now.
Steve's rates are very reasonable and would definitely recommend him for anything you need done in, around, or outside the house. I am personally looking forward to working with him again." By Andy Yang, Lake Forest CA.
Andy Yang
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This Is Not The Story You Think It Is...
A Season of Unlikely Happiness
By Laura Munson
(Amy Einhorn Books/Putnam, Hardcover, 9780399156656, 352pp.)
Publication Date: April 1, 2010
List Price: $24.95*
* Individual store prices may vary.
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Laura Munson's essay in the New York Times, about the time she was tested in a way she never anticipated, created a firestorm-now here's the whole story.
When Laura Munson's essay was published, The New York Times was so flooded with responses that they had to close down the comment feature. Readers wrote in saying that they had sent the column to all of their friends. Therapists wrote Munson to tell her that they were passing it out to their clients.
What did Munson write that caused such a fervor?
Laura detailed what happened when her husband of more than twenty years told her he wasn't sure he loved her anymore and wanted to move out. And while you might think you know where this story is going, this isn't the story you think it is. Laura's response to her husband: I don't buy it.
In this poignant, wise, and often funny memoir, Munson recounts a period of months in which her faith in herself-and her marriage-was put to the test. Shaken to the core after the death of her beloved father, not finding the professional success that she had hoped for, and after countless hours of therapy, Laura finally, at age forty, realized she had to stop basing her happiness on things outside her control and commit herself to an "End of Suffering." This Is Not The Story You Think It Is... chronicles a woman coming to terms with the myths we tell ourselves-and others-about our life and realizing that ultimately happiness is completely within our control.
Watch a Video
Laura Munson lives with her family in Montana, where she writes novels, memoirs, short stories, and essays. This is her first published book.
This Is Not The Story You Think It Is...


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Law Firm Brower Piven Announces Investigation of Teche Holding Company Proposed Buyout Business Wire STEVENSON, Md. -- January 23, 2014 The securities litigation firm of Brower Piven, A Professional Corporation, has commenced an investigation into possible breaches of fiduciary duty to current shareholders of Teche Holding Company ("Teche" or the "Company") (NYSE MKT:TSH) and other violations of state law by the board of directors of Teche relating to the proposed buyout of the Company by IberiaBank Corporation ("IBKC"). The firm's investigation seeks to determine, among other things, whether the board of directors of Teche breached their fiduciary duties by failing to maximize shareholder value. According to the press release announcing the proposed buyout, Teche shareholders will receive 1.162 shares of IBKC common stock for each share of Teche common stock outstanding, subject to certain market price adjustments provided for in the merger agreement. If you currently own common stock of Teche and would like to learn more about the investigation being conducted by Brower Piven, you may email or call Brower Piven, who will, without obligation or cost to you, attempt to answer your questions. You may contact Brower Piven by email at firstname.lastname@example.com, by calling (410) 415-6616, or at Brower Piven, A Professional Corporation, 1925 Old Valley Road, Stevenson, Maryland 21153. Attorneys at Brower Piven have combined experience litigating securities and other class action cases of over 60 years. Contact: Brower Piven, A Professional Corporation Stevenson, Maryland Charles J. Piven, 410-415-6616 email@example.com
Law Firm Brower Piven Announces Investigation of Teche Holding Company Proposed Buyout
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Don't Suffer Another Pollen Season Without A Sunroom by S-Tek!
A custom patio enclosure allows the fresh breezes in — keeping the bad weather out so you can enjoy the best of outdoor living in comfort! Give us a call today at 864-888-1620 to schedule your free in-home estimate.
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email@example.com • 864-888-1620


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2001 Cadillac DeVille Q&A
2001 Cadillac DeVille Question: A/C not working
Works when I hit pothole - GSOR
Answer 1
Large impacts that temporarily engage the A/C could indicate the A/C clutch has gone bad and needs replaced. You can spray the clutch with belt conditioner (which is very tacky) and if it starts working it will work for a while but, the clutch will need replaced soon. - csubak30
Related Items:
ok about a 2 weeks ago my a/c was working but was leaking behind the A/C clutch... so, i ordered a new Compressor with clutch,dryer,orifice tube,relay,high and low pressure switches... on in the me...
The heater works on both sides but when I turn on the A/C only the driver side works. The passenger side blows out hot air. Are there any solutions to this problem?
I popped the hood to check and see if anything was wrong and every time I slam hood closed the A/C comes back on
I have a 1990 De ville and the a/c unit needs to be recharged.The system runs but no hot air comes from the vents. I have no leaks. last year the heat worked fine with the exception that it wasn't...
The a/c have a funny noise and there isn't any airflow from the vents. the computer system said coolant level low
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It was one of those no-brainers. In fact the big surprise would have been if Erica Harper was not selected as the Most Valuable Player when the all-conference teams were selected.
For the first time in more than 20 years the Barton Community College softball season did not end with the conclusion of the Region VI Championships.
TUCSON, Ariz. – After winning three matches the opening day of the NJCAA Championships, the Barton Community College women's tennis team was not able to advance anyone into the quarterfinals of the main draw.
EL DORADO- Lydia Mato is used to bringing home gold medals for the Barton Community College women's track team. This weekend at El Dorado was no different. What was different for Mato was losing to a teammate.
EL DORADO- Handing off the baton and jumping obstacles has worked really well for the Barton Community College men's track team at the Region VI meet.
CHANUTE- The opportunity was there. It just wasn't to be.
EL DORADO- Heading into the post-season the Barton Community College softball team had put together a very good season. The team had achieved several accomplishments it hadn't seen for nearly 10 years.
It is a habit that gives coaches gray hair and ulcers. But, for the most part, it has worked for the Barton Community College softball team.
Barton Community College's Kylie Everill has had a very good year – a year that will more than likely earn her some all-conference softball recognition. Her performance this past week got her some recognition a little earlier.
LAWRENCE- The fight to finish in the top four was going to be a battle. That was clear heading into the District III men's golf meet as six teams were ranked in the Top 20 or receiving votes. With that top four finish came a spot in the NJCAA National Championships.
ARKANSAS CITY – It was not the kind of ending that Coach Lyle Stickney had hoped for his Barton Community College men's tennis team.
ARKANSAS CITY – After a frustrating regular season at times, the Barton Community College women's tennis team put it all together – well almost all together – at the Region VI meet this past weekend. The Cougars battled to the end for a second place finish, coming up just short in third place.
Weather once again played havoc with a Jayhawk West baseball series. Instead of having all four games at home over the weekend, the Barton Community College baseball team was forced to play a pair in Hays Saturday before field conditions allowed them wrap up the series – and the regular season – at home Sunday.
HUTCHINSON- There was little doubt the Barton Community College women's golf team would win the Region VI Championships. The Cougars had won every Jayhawk Conference meet with ease this year and the region featured the exact same golfers.
Due to Friday's evening's rain, today's Barton Community College baseball games vs Seward County Community College have changed start time and location. The doubleheader first pitch time has been moved back to 3:00 p.m., as well as, the location has moved to be played at Larks Park in Hays, Kansas.
Page 3 of 75
Editor's note: The following is part five in a summer series of some of the most memorable moments in Barton athletics
It's the Fourth of July weekend and in Great Bend that means get your hard hat. I have never been in a town that allows more freedom of Independence Day than right here in Great Bend.
Several former Barton Community College athletes competed in their respective countries national track and field championships recently.
EUGENE, Ore. – There is still some speed in the feet of the former Barton Community College sprinter.
It was probably inevitable that Dennan Morrow was going to coach basketball. His father was a high school coach for 30 years and he grew up in gymnasiums.
It was a good season for the Barton Community College athletes on the field. There were All American honors, records broken and championships won.
Part four in a series of some of the most memorable moments in Barton athletics
The summer heat is upon us. With the summer beginning to hit full-stride that means it's time for wheat harvest and national track championships.
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text:
ASHEVILLE, N.C. (AP) - Days after the U.S. Supreme Court decided not to hear any appeals from states trying to uphold gay marriage bans, Diane Ansley and Cathy McGaughey waited for hours in a church basement for a federal judge's order that would finally allow them to exchange their vows.
WASHINGTON (AP) - Two years after a prostitution scandal rocked the Secret Service, a Republican congressman renewed allegations Thursday about possible involvement by a White House volunteer and said he smelled efforts to cover it up. White House officials adamantly denied wrongdoing and said there'd been no attempt to keep anything quiet.
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber's fiancee admitted Thursday that she violated the law when she married an immigrant seeking to retain residency in the United States.
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani will defend Activision in court against a lawsuit filed by disgraced Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega over the "Call of Duty" franchise, the video game maker said Thursday.
HAVANA (AP) - The number of Cubans heading to the United States has increased dramatically since the island lifted travel restrictions last year, eliminating a costly exit visa and making it easier for emigrants to return, new U.S. government figures show.
TERRE HAUTE, Ind. (AP) - An Indiana couple was found dead in an apparent murder-suicide only hours after they were married, authorities say.
NEW YORK (AP) - No wonder Coke and Pepsi are spending millions of dollars to fight proposed taxes on sugary drinks in California.
NEW YORK (AP) - Ice cream and fast food chain Dairy Queen is the latest retailer to reveal a hack of its customer data.
WASHINGTON (AP) - AT&T wireless customers may want to take a closer look at their old phone bills because they may have money coming back to them.
PALO ALTO (AP) - Google Chairman Eric Schmidt and other Silicon Valley executives say controversial government spying programs are undercutting the Internet economy and want Congress to step up stalled reform.
DETROIT (AP) - Gas mileage for new cars and trucks in the U.S. averaged a record 24.1 miles per gallon last year, but gains in fuel economy are slowing.
WASHINGTON (AP) - Scientists are moving closer to an artificial hand that can feel: Implanted electrodes allowed some amputees to tell by touch how gently to grasp, letting them pluck fruit without crushing it.
FUQUAY-VARINA, N.C. (AP) - Police mistook a black teenager for a burglar and pepper-sprayed him inside the home of his white foster parents.
LAS VEGAS (AP) - Nevada will have nearly 35,000 more residents in the year 2032 than it would have if the state hadn't landed the Tesla Motors battery factory and another out-of-state business, according to new projections released Wednesday.
NEW YORK (AP) - It's not just big businesses like JPMorgan Chase, Target and Home Depot that get hacked. Small companies suffer from intrusions into their computer systems, too.
Page 89 of 538
ROCKFORD, Mich. (AP) - A western Michigan couple with 12 sons are waiting to find out whether baby No. 13 keeps the streak going.
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) - A suspended Roman Catholic priest dubbed Monsignor Meth apologized Thursday for running a methamphetamine distribution ring and letting down scores of friends and parishioners.
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) - A Florida woman who was issued a driver's license that mistakenly labeled her a sexual predator said Thursday that she plans to file a defamation lawsuit against a county tax collector's office.
JERSEY SHORE, Pa. (AP) - A man said he was mimicking a professional wrestling move when he inadvertently slammed his girlfriend's toddler to the floor, causing head injuries that killed the boy, police said.
PARENTS ACCUSED OF GIVING KIDS DRUGS AS 'BARGAINING TOOL' : ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) - A couple gave their teenage daughters cocaine and marijuana if they went to school and did household chores, authorities said.
BERKELEY (AP) - Prick a finger and have the blood checked for parasites - by smartphone? Scientists are turning those ubiquitous phones into microscopes and other medical tools that could help fight diseases in remote parts of the world.
HAZELWOOD, Mo. (AP) - Authorities in two states on Wednesday were investigating the slaying of a 19-year-old Illinois college student who went missing while trying to sell his sports car on Craigslist.
NEW YORK (AP) - Gay and bisexual kids are more likely to be bullied as they're growing up - even at an early age, according to the first large U.S. study to look at the problem.
FREMONT (AP) - Electric car maker Tesla Motors delivered a quarterly record of 10,045 cars in the first quarter, helping it beat Wall Street's expectations despite costly investments in new products and factory capacity and the impact of the strong dollar.
LAS VEGAS (AP) - Traveling about 55 miles per hour on a Nevada highway, the big rig's driver looked like The Thinker, with his elbow on the arm rest and his hand on his chin. No hands on the steering wheel, no feet on the pedals.
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They may have only been up for one award on Saturday night (March 28) at the Kids' Choice Awards, but the night definitely belonged to the [artist id="2088128″]Jonas Brothers[/artist]. A who's who of teen stars were on hand at the 22nd annual awards show, hosted by [movieperson id="444156″]Dwayne Johnson[/movieperson].
The first award of the night, Favorite TV Show, was handed out by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson and went to "iCarly." "We wouldn't be up here without you guys," the show's star, [artist id="3067527″]Miranda Cosgrove[/artist], told the super-excited crowd. Tons of celebs made appearances throughout the night, like Favorite Male Singer winner [artist id="1624630″]Jesse McCartney[/artist], Will Ferrell, Sandra Bullock and Hugh Jackman, all of whom got slimed, a time-honored KCA tradition.
Although she wasn't there to claim her Blimp, Selena Gomez won Favorite TV Actress for her work on "Wizards of Waverly Place." Keeping the girl power alive were the [artist id="1841713″]Pussycat Dolls[/artist], who didn't win any Blimps but did perform "When I Grow Up" and their version of the "Slumdog Millionaire" anthem "Jai Ho."
[artist id="2446077″]Vanessa Hudgens[/artist], Zac Efron, [artist id="2492851″]Corbin Bleu[/artist] and [artist id="2103458″]Ashley Tisdale[/artist] were there to accept the Favorite Movie award for "High School Musical 3: Senior Year." Hudgens also took home a Blimp for Favorite Movie Actress. "A quick shout-out to Lucas [Grabeel] and Monique [Coleman]. We love you guys," Efron said to his missing castmates while accepting the award. "Thank you all for embracing 'HSM.' We love you guys."
It was cute-boy overload as Efron presented the award for Favorite Music Group to the Jonas Brothers. "Thank you guys so much," Joe said, before Nick added, "It's been amazing. We've enjoyed the ride thoroughly." More swooning ensued when "Gossip Girl" heartthrob Chace Crawford announced the JoBros' performance. They rocked the crowd and made girls scream when they performed "S.O.S." and "Burnin' Up."
There was also love for [movie id="369195″]"Twilight,"[/movie] which won for Favorite Book. "This is awesome," [movieperson id="373803″]Taylor Lautner[/movieperson] told the crowd. "Stephenie Meyer wanted to tell you guys 'thank you.' And I can tell you firsthand you guys are gonna love [the 'New Moon' movie]."
[movieperson id="16710″]Leonardo DiCaprio[/movieperson] won the most serious award of the night, taking home the Big Green Help Blimp for inspiring people to be more proactive in saving the environment. And although [artist id="2408193″]Miley Cyrus[/artist] was up for a slew of awards, she only managed to win one for Favorite Female Singer. While hugging her Blimp and fighting back tears, she said, "I really thought I was going to lose."
The night came to an end with Johnson fulfilling his assigned task of finding the right key to make the volcanic slime pyramid explode. What was that key? The Jonas Brothers singing "Lovebug." Other big winners of the night included "American Idol" for Favorite Reality Show, Will Smith for Favorite Movie Actor and past KCA host Jack Black for Favorite Voice in an Animated Movie.


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I have set up a 3 node hadoop cluster (1 Namenode, 2 data nodes) and hbase on top of the same hdfs. Each node are 512 MB Ubuntu Virtual box images running on my windows 8 Machine(Intel i5,4GB RAM, 2.4Ghz)
I have configured hbase-hadoop based on this blog http://ankitasblogger.blogspot.in/2011/01/hadoop-cluster-setup.html
I have written a program, which analyzes US Census Data which is approximately has 500,000 records(reduced set). I am just reading the file(from hdfs) in MAP task and storing it is HBASE . and later retrieving data based on a filter.
When I run the program in a stand alone(512 MB Virtual Machine) hadoop-hbase, it takes around 23 minutes. But when I run the same jar in the cluster(512*3 MB) it takes upwards of 40 minutes.
Why is the cluster taking more time to process? or is it a expected result ?


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New Book Looks at the Life & Times of Influential American Cleric
Bishop Charles P. McIlvaine was an important figure in nineteenth century America. As one of the leading evangelicals in the Protestant Episcopal Church, the Ohioan became the pivotal figure in the evangelical Episcopal-Anglican community. Famed as a preacher and speaker, his books and pamphlets were read by a trans-Atlantic audience. In this work on McIlvaine, author, Richard W. Smith, mined British and American sources never before utilized.
His endeavors in the United Kingdom resulted in honorary degrees from Cambridge University and Oxford University. Aware of his reputation in England, the Lincoln Administration sent him to Britain in 1861.
Working with Thurlow Weed, he sought to swing middle and upper class opinion into a pro-Federal position. This groundbreaking account develops the struggles encountered and the significance of the informal mission for Federal policies. The political overtones in his friendship with the Prince of Wales are examined.
As a reformer, he became an anti-slave advocate. After his return from England, his persuasive leadership induced the Federal Episcopal Convention to support the Union war effort, which included Lincoln's emancipation policy. Comfortable in any secular or military environment, McIlvaine's other wartime activities were notable. As the war ended, he declared that African Americans should be made equal participants in the American epic. His complex persona is revealed in the book. A rich and at times sorrowful family saga unfolds. In later years, the bishop undertook trips to Europe as he was busy with English and European religious questions. After his death in Italy, he was honored in Britain and America.
For more information on this book, interested parties may log on to http://www.Xlibris.com.
Bishop McIlvaine, Slavery, Britain & the Civil War * by Richard W. Smith
Publication Date: 8/5/2014
Trade Paperback; $19.99; 328 pages; 978-1-4797-0289-3
Trade Hardback; $29.99; 328 pages; 978-1-4797-0290-9
eBook; $3.99; 978-1-4797-0291-6
Members of the media who wish to review this book may request a complimentary paperback copy by contacting the publisher at (888) 795-4274 x. 7879. To purchase copies of the book for resale, please fax Xlibris at (610) 915-0294 or call (888) 795-4274 x. 7879.
For more information on self-publishing or marketing with Xlibris, visit http://www.Xlibris.com. To receive a free publishing guide, please call (888) 795-4274.
About Author
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Research Article
Simulation of the Navier–Stokes equations in three dimensions with a spectral collocation method
Article first published online: 20 MAR 2013
DOI: 10.1002/fld.3788
Copyright © 2013 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
International Journal for Numerical Methods in Fluids
Volume 73, Issue 2, pages 103–129, 20 September 2013
Additional Information
How to Cite
Subich, C. J., Lamb, K. G. and Stastna, M. (2013), Simulation of the Navier–Stokes equations in three dimensions with a spectral collocation method. Int. J. Numer. Meth. Fluids, 73: 103–129. doi: 10.1002/fld.3788
Publication History
- Issue published online: 6 AUG 2013
- Article first published online: 20 MAR 2013
- Manuscript Accepted: 3 FEB 2013
- Manuscript Revised: 18 DEC 2012
- Manuscript Received: 28 MAY 2012
- Abstract
- Article
- References
- Cited By
- variable density Navier–Stokes equations;
- incompressible fluids;
- spectral collocation methods;
- topography;
- internal waves;
- stratified flow
This paper describes a nonlinear, three-dimensional spectral collocation method for the simulation of the incompressible Navier–Stokes equations under the Boussinesq approximation, motivated by geophysical and environmental flows. These flows are driven by the interaction of stratified fluid with topography, which this model accurately accounts for by using a mapped coordinate system. The spectral collocation method is implemented with both a Fourier trigonometric expansion and the Chebyshev polynomials, as appropriate for the domain boundary conditions. The coordinate mapping prohibits the use of existing, fast solution methods that rely on the separation of variables, so a preconditioner based on the approximate solution of a corresponding finite-difference problem with geometric multigrid is used. The model is parallelized with the Message Passing Interface library, and it runs effectively on shared and distributed-memory systems. Copyright © 2013 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.