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- Remember, fireworks are dangerous
- Wallace asks citizens to fight cuts
- Dispute over state payroll rolls on
- Why fight over free trade confounds partisan divide
- Still no state budget
- Crime control is not the responsibility of landlords
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- Local leaders warn of budget deadlock's impact
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- TRRT Online Edition | July 1-7
National looping champ Stendek to play at Kryptonite Friday, Jan. 7
By Jim Hagerty
Staff Writer
The looping artist known nationally as Stendek will be at Kryptonite Friday, Jan.7. The show is part of downtown Rockford's First Friday event.
Born Philip Stendek, Stendek is known nationally for live looping in his one-man show. While looping is typically done by DJs and hip-hop artists, Stendek offers an original twist to the art and layers guitar, bass, keyboards and drums to create a hybrid pop/acoustic folk and reggae sound.
Based in Missouri, Stendek plays hundreds of shows each year and won the BOSS Loop Station World Championship looping contest last year.
Chicago's Good Bye Home will also be at Kryptonite Friday. Tickets are $5.
First Friday events happen the first Friday of each month, with happenings at several downtown venues. This Friday, live music, visual art and comedy will be featured at 11 establishments.
Kryptonite is at 308 W. State St. The club can be reached at (815) 965-0931. More about Stendek is at reverbnation.com/stendek.
From the Jan. 5-11, 2011 issue


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Mother Dog Digs Hole to Save 9 Puppies From Massive Fire
Mothers are simply the best.
Mothers are simply the best.
The odds of a cow having quadruplets are 1:700,000. The odds of having all four calves born alive are 1:11.2 million.
Meet Fawn, a cow unlike any other you've ever seen.
You know you want to see this.
We all know birds can soar high in the sky, but this is truly remarkable.
Not everyone was put out by the brutal winter weather we had this year.
Autotuning isn't just for no talented pop stars anymore. Watch as this guy uses autotune on his dog with epic results! I predict a new trend on the interwebs of animal autotunes that showcase the vocal talent of our pets. Hey if it can turn pop artists into stars just imagine what if can do for the family pet!
Why take your dog out for a walk when you can send it out to walk itself?
Because they're not all as trustworthy as Lassie. Especially the Russian Auto-Retrievers!!!
Lemons are sour. You know that. Everyone you know knows that. You know who doesn't know that? This dog.
Sure, you can see plenty of bison out in the refuge... but that doesn't mean you should try hand feeding them.
I hate to be that guy who adds yet another cat video to your "must watch" list but this one's worth it! See what happens when this cat's owner uses a human to cat translator. I'm not sure what she said in feline language, but it really pissed the cat off. I could do this all day!

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Far from the best game in the Move armoury,
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This review is from: Grand Slam Tennis 2 - Move Compatible (PS3) (Video Game)
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
The Move sensitivity of this game is somewhat suspect: the sensor doesn't recognise backhands from forehands, or topspin shots from chops. Essentially, the game does what it wants as long as the punter swings the Move controller in some semblance of coherence. It does keep my little son occupied as he fancies himself Nadal one day and Federer the next. Speaking of which characters, there's little difference to their techniques as programmed - I think someone else has pointed out that Nadal in reality is a baseline player, whereas in the game he rushes the net every chance he gets. Serious gamers would likely run a mile from this pointless addition to the (rather lacklustre) Move arsenal of games.
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Thread: 14 year old girl has a baby
14 year old girl has a baby
I read in the paper today that a 14 year old girl has had a baby and the grandfather is29.When is this going to stop,i think it is disgusting,dont parents know how to educate their children.There needs to be a law on what age women have babies,but not at 14,the girl is still a child herself.
Do you know any more about this situation other than ages? If not, this is quite judgemental :/ x
That is, by nature, how its supposed to be you know!
There is a law against it, No sex before 16, unfortunately its not really upheld. x
personally i think this girl is going to need all the help she can get, not just shouting at her for something she can't change. so we should give young mums a break i think. i found having kids hard enough at 26 and being married!
its always gone on really. My nan had a baby at 14 and another at 15 then went on to have 12 more, all with my grandad.
Maybe teach children sex before marriage is wrong?!! It would certainly solve the problem if they didnt have sex before.
The trouble is sex is everywhere and glamorised kids are told through the media that everyones doing it and so should you, what are we expecting our kids to think? Its on their music, films, games. They think they are missing out if they arent doing it.
Morals are very much missing.
Oh my. That is young to be a grandfather!
I just fear for all those involved. 14 is so very young to be responsible for a child, even if she happened to be amazingly mature and incredibly wise. 14 is only 14.
I find it sad that teenagers are rushing through life - wanting things so soon.
Its all very suggesting that young mums should be given support ( i agree- they do need it) but how will all this be funded and provided.
I live in hope that all involved have their heads screwed on and in 14 years the young mum is not a granny!
btw This is not having a go at people who lose jobs/partners etc and end up on benefits
but we can't pretend there is not a real problem in this country where young girls decide to have babies as a career option .
Chastity belts for all under-16s maybe? Or enforced termination for anyone under a certain age? (Because, OP, I get the idea that anyone aged 16 or so shouldn't be 'allowed' to have a baby either) Or maybe under-aged/single mums should be housed in institutions like in the (good?) old days...because that worked well in the past - not! I'm not sure what your solution to the problem would be?
i'm 21, and have a 21 month old baby, i split with the father ad am now happy in another relationship and now pregnant again because the day i went to get a coil fitted they discovered i was pregnant as a routine check, after only coming off pill 1 week before, so who knows this girl could have had a fault with her contraceptive, or may have just not thought too much about the results, as quite a lot of mothers and fathers do,
at 19 having my first child was hard enough as both my parents are deceased and all my friends left me, we can just hope that this girl has as much support as she can get, don't judge her for being a young mum, some young mums that i work with (im a youth worker) are better than the married mid 30s parents because they have to learn to be a mother before having a career, whereas the older generation mothers have gotten used to it just being them themselves or with a partner, so really it can go either ways,
we shouldn't ***** about young parents, the ones who do it deliberately to try get their partner to stay with them, or to get benefits and a house, yes i get angry myself at them, but have you remembered that some people dont agree with abortion? some people also have failed contraceptives, people also get raped and sexually abused resulting in a pregnancy, we just need to teach our children about precautions and options for them and if they do get pregnant, help them make their own adult decision and support them no matter what, i'm sure that 29 grandfather wasnt too happy about hearing his daughter was pregnant, but we have to support our children and educate them about being safe, and not lecture them so that they rebel
My mum had my sister 36 yrs ago at 15 yrs of age, she was 14 when she fell pregnant. He was charged with statutory rape but she later married him (didn't last though). My aunt was the same ages when she fell pregnant and had my cousin who is now 39. This is nothing new and although it is a shame that it happens girls in this position can go on to be good parents and raise good kids.
oh my god
i was 15 when i gave birth to my son now 13 lovely boy, lives with his well educated parents two younger brothers and in a house i have bought with my husband ... so excuse me what did age have to do with it... my dad was 45 when he head me and now im 29 with an elderly father who cannot run around with my children..
Lady who posted original comment you just better cross your fingers and toes it dosnt hapen to anyone close to you ,, because its easily done when u r 14 and care free..
Last edited by Sharon M(395); 01-08-11 at 20:26. Reason: Refers to deleted post
I've just lost my little girl and its the most horrendous thing ever, but I know how many people have just gone and got rid of theirs since I lost mine. Life is so unfair.
I wonder if the replies would be different if this 14 year old had gone out and got a job and a house at 14? Thats what they were debating on the Wright Stuff the other day.
I do do agree that its always gone on, but it was always hushed by the surrounded family...now its in the paper!
Dont think you can set a law for it, but if I had a baby in my teens I would do my best to make sure my kids (boy and girl) didn't go down the same path!
In a perfect world we would be able to educate the 'youth of today' into wanting to achieve and suceed in everything they do, teach them to want more from their lives before taking on such responsibility as children.
Please dont think that I am suggesting that being parents is not something to be proud of and is not hardwork - am well aware that it is infact the most fulfilling job ever!
There seems to be a chunk of motivation missing. where is the fight and want to work hard to earn loads of money? how about running off and travelling? Getting a job and earning some money for themselves before having to support babies.
I would have failed terribly as a mum at 14 (mostly because I hadnt even seen a willy by then LOL). I have much admiration for those young mums who cope well and raise happy healthy motivated children.
I suppose I would just love children to be children before the crappy big wide world lands upon them with all the pressure it comes with. I would give anything to be 14 again! x
It is a sad indictment of our society today. It's a real shame that these people aren't looking forward to the fun of youth, where, like a PP said, you can go travelling, go to uni, enjoy and participate in sport - I know you can do these things with children but it's 100 times harder.
I am glad DD,who at 15 is actually a year older than this person, and I, have very open conversations about sex, contraception etc etc. I am not saying "it would never happen to her" beecause you can never say never, but I know she is far too sensible to. However if she did find herself in that place,she would have my fullest support, whichever decision she made.
there is no right or wrong age as before law it was nature that decided when we had chiildren just putting in my point that when u r young you are fit and have plenty of time to spend with your children and grandchildren. a friend of mine is 40 with a 22 year old graduate daughter and now having number 2. i suppose if you can and want to have children at any age fair play !!!
I think people are too quick to judge the parents for not "educating" their kids. You can't guarantee they wont go and do it anyway. I've known several people this happened to.
I do think 14 is too young BUT if they're going to be responsible about it and do their best for the child then brilliant for them. I know a girl who got pregnant at 13 by a 22 year old man. People were horrified. She surprised us all by keeping her little boy, did a fantastic job, went back and completed school a few months after the birth. 8 years later she's still with the father, he's a dedicated father, he works and she studies, little guys doing well in school and they're a happy family.
I read the people today too! I think it's terrible for her, she had pre-eclampsia and the picture was taken in the special care unit. As for her father, he was grinning from ear to ear, I don't think I would be somehow, I would think I'd seriously failed as a parent, heck my husband is becoming a dad again at the same age, never mind a grandad!! The grandmother will be looking after the baby for the girl whilst she's at school, which I suppose means she won't be working and the grandad is unemployed also. The dad had just sat his final G.C.S.E. Where will they be getting their money to live off I wonder.
well if my dd got herself pregnant at 14 i would be supportive in what she chose to do. i hope she wouldnt but these things happen and if she starts dating someone and looks like its getting serious i would suggest going to the doctors.
The pain a 14 year old must go through with labour as they are not properly an adult must be awful. I hope my dd would want to live alittle before being tied to kids but you can only advise. i would be scared if i said we would throw you out as if it did happen she would be scared to turn to us. I would like her to feel she can turn to us but i wouldnt want to be encouraging it hmmmm toughy.
i have nothing against young mums as some people are unaware.
Its her choice not everyone elses so if thats her chocie she dont need people judging her, im 19 and just had a baby and i get dirty looks walking down the road cause of it just cause its not what you would of done dont mean everyone else should judge!
I think we should call a spade a spade.
We dont live in biblical times!
I get that young mums (16+) can be great parents but anything under that is just a child!
Noone can actually believe that it is the responsible thing to do at 14!
Living with their parents (as the father "should" have been put inside for statuatory rape) not being able to provide for the child in any way shape or form (cant work)
If you were to have a baby at 14 you must have conceived at 13 (or not long after your 13th birthday)
Noone can actually think thats OK!!
This country often has the highest rate of teenage pregnancies in Europe and something is obviously going wrong somewhere. Maybe if everyone made having a baby so young a bit harder children would rethink.
Lets face it in this day and age its not hard NOT to get pregnant is it?
With all the contraception around and the morning after pill etc for when contraception does fail. I get that sometimes it fails and you dont know etc etc but im sure not every case of the UK's shockingly high teenage pregnancy rate is a result of failed contraceptive!!!
The grandfather is 29 meaning he had a child as a child himself as well. Things like this are a learned behaviour. Of course if this 29 year old grandfather didnt educate his children as to why you shouldnt have children so young, his children wont know. Unless this 14 year old educates her child to it, they wont know either and so on.
I bet Jeremy Kyle is on the phone to them already!!
having a baby at 14
I think having a baby at any age is frightening so support is what is needed .
Well excuse me that i work 36 hours a week and many people like me who dont get any help,ive got a son from a previous marriage and dont get child maintenence!!!!! Yes maybe she is mature for her age and will probably get free housing,well i pay more than a grand a month on rent and get no help with housing benefit.We also have a daughter and are really stuggling to ends meet.Its people like me that are probably paying for her baby.
It never fails to amaze me how many people find teen/young mums "disgusting." It's only VERY recently that it became abnormal. Just 2-300 years ago, you were on the shelf and a spinster if you weren't married with children by 20 years old.
Provided that they work to provide for the child (and that may mean staying in education first) what does it matter? Humans are designed to give birth young, optimum fertility is around 21, it's a lot more biologically strange to be having babies into your 40s.
They think having babies that young is a 'career' choice. I am 35 now but can remember when I was at school some girls getting pregnant in our last year and being very pleased with themselves!
I went straight out to work but can remember feeling jealous of them when they told about how they had their own house, money, etc... which the girl in the op will get as soon as she hits 16.
i think if children had something to aspire to be, or even just anything to fill their time, then this wouldn't happen as much. the issue shouldn't be around whether she's capable of looking after the baby ( if she isn't, you can guarantee her family will step in and help), there just aren't any great role models any more, haven't been for ages, maybe never even idk (towies and glamour models shoved in everyone's faces, as if they're something great for girls to become). there's nothing realistic any more. everything costs too much now, free and cheap things to do always get shut down, communties hardly exist now, ppl get lonely or bored and do stupid things instead as it seems like the only thing to do.
We keep hearing about new schemes, more sex education and imo they don't need it! They know exactly what they are doing. I cannot believe there is a teenager out there who does not know about condoms and the pill.
I don't like the idea of young people having babies - I'm very much a believer that you should be able to finance any children - but accidents do happen. If the girl decided that continuing the pregnancy was the best option for her then that's her choice.
Who knows the situation. I'm not going to judge.
I find it impossible to believe that EVERYONE who gets pregnant under the age of 16 is due to a lack of education on the subject - infact I think it's quite the opposite.
Last edited by Rachael L(5); 31-07-11 at 19:50.
I don't think you can blame the parents either, I grew up into a well educated family, was always taught about safe sex as were my sister and stepsister however we all got pregnant youngish. Stepsister was 16 (she had an abortion which she regrets), sister was 20 (had an abortion, was happy with her choice). I had my son when I was 19, I never could have an abortion though I am pro choice it wasnt for me. To add though all of us have jobs we arent on benefits.
There are a lot of benefits to being a "young" parent, I agree 14 is VERY young though, I wonder how she will cope with all the adult emotions & struggles of parenthood when she is barely out of puberty.
I'd be gutted if my son became a dad at 14 to be honest, but I'd support him.
Last edited by Philippa D(24); 31-07-11 at 19:51.
My only objection to teenagers as young as 14 having babies is the loss of their youth.
I had my first child at 30 and my second at 32. I can't imagine having the responsibility of a baby at 14; I was hanging out with friends, sleeping in and doing my thing when I was 14 and certainly didn't want a baby.
I know the general attitude is that most teenage parents are benefit spongers, that is true to an extent because they don't know any different.
Many of them have been raised with benefit sponging parents. I don't know any teenage Mums who do not come from their own Mum having them as a teenager.
Most teenage Mums have no goal or aspiration because their own parents haven't taught them to have something to root for.
My parents always taught to me live for today and have a family when I am older. Being 30 was the perfect age for me as I have had my fun, my hangovers are behind me, my irresponsible spending and lieins are also behind me.
There are, however, some teenage Mums who will do anything and everything to be a role model for their children. I work with one! She had her son at age 16 and went on to college and now works with me in a meaningless, minimum wage paid role where were are abused every day, to provide for her son.
Years and years ago teenage pregnancies (pre 1960) were not common, unless the Mother were married and if she wasn't she would have been outcasted by society, the Father would have been made to work and if the Father had ******** off, like most do today, then the Mother, if she kept the baby and didn't give it up, would have been made to get a job. Today there is no such work ethic. The taxpayer will pick up the tab.
Sadly, this silly 14 year old has followed her parents, will live on benefits, breed like a horny rabbit and her children will follow suit.
I challenge anyone to prove me different. I can't see her being the minority and getting a job, oh wait, she's too ******* young to get a job!!!
At 14 having sex is disgusting, there is a reason why the Government made the age of consent 16.
I think a lot of people on here read the daily mail.
Baby is no longer enough to get you housed by the council, in fact most people in council housing are fleeing war torn countries or are battered women, especially in the south!
And the money someone receives in their hand is a pittance, if any girl has aspirations to receive that money so gets pregnant, she is obviously mentally deficient and wouldn't be a good contributing member of society with or without a child.
Girls get pregnant for love, not money and i hate to break it to you all. THATS WHAT WE ARE HERE TO DO!!!!
We can dress it up as much as we like, biology is telling you to get pregnant and care for a baby! I don't see why we have to be so weird about it all. I wish the girl all the luck in the world, i am sure she will be a fantastic mum.
Loss of Youth not always these days!
Just regarding this part of some peoples comments... Idk if that is so true these days, the story obviously mentioned the rest of the family stating the grandfather is 29 so I am sure they step up to help.
She will probably still be able to have friends, go out, go shopping, date, dance, have a life....well do all the things we older mums do... and to be honest she probably has more support than we do!
I know a girl who I worked with back home, had her son by 14 and on her senior formal dance with her boyfriend they got grandma to babysit and had a wonderful night! Her school even had a program to help with babysitting and day care while she finished her education!
Yeah her life had to god a bit tougher and she had less freedom, but she was such a great mum and her kids were well looked after.
Last edited by Maddie D(5); 31-07-11 at 20:09.
Who is paying for this baby apart from the goverment?People like me who work their ***** off and pay tax,I get no housing benefit and am getting less than three hundred quid a month,my ex gets three hundred a week and i dony get any money from him for my son
When I was 13 I "loved" Take That.
Most of us "loved" someone at 13/14. Who can look back at that time and say, now that they are older, that love, was a real genuine love. It seems like it at the time but it isnt.
Why do children in our country associate "love" with sex?
When I was 13 I didnt want to have sex with Take That! I dont think I even really fully understood sex.
Oh and I think we have to be "weird" about it because its illegal!
Its like me selling drugs to a 5 year old which is illegal and then wondering why people are "weird" about it.
The law is there for a reason.
If the council will no longer give you a house/flat when you have a baby, why dont we see young girls on the street with their babies? Because as a society we have to take care of people by making sure they have a roof over their heads.
My sister wanted to have a baby young for these very reasons. Like a lot of young girls she didnt realise the harsh realities of it until she had the baby and it was too late.
It does make me laugh when people say they do it for money...what money?? Lol ....We were on benefits for a while when OH was between jobs, I worked part time he got JSA, it's a pittance!
Yes there are probably people out there who seem to do nothing and have loads of money but I reckon they are benefit cheats not honest benefit claimants.
I fell pregnant with my son at 16 and had him 3 weeks after my 17th it was harder than i expected and also my son was born 11 weeks early, hearing problems, cleft palate, sight problems and feeding tube etc for 15 weeks in scbu and also had to have 2 ops, (one at 18 days and other at 23 months)
I dont think people can just pick and choose who to judge cause theres kids having kids nowadays and when ur younger u have more energy than a 40 yr old (not slating older mums) i cant see my mum running round after a baby at 46.
If a 13/14 year old wants to explore that far then thats up to them. Not ur child so y are u so bothered?!
I do not think it is an ideal situation. I would prefer girls and boys to wait till the were older and in a commited relationship before they had sex let alone a baby.
But once a child is connceived I have never seen the point in hand wringing and cries of 'disgusting'. Unless abuse has been involved, it is surely better to get on with things and make sure the mother and father are supported?
I personally do not think young girls have babies to get money. Research does seem to bear out the idea that most of these pregnancies are planned rather than accidents but I dont think money is the motivation.
Young girls have babies for the same reasons that old girls like me do. We want a lovely, cute, yummy baby to love and who loves us.
As for the goverenment paying teenagers to have babies! What rot! As far as I know you dont get more money for having a baby if you are under 20 and a child as young as 14 wouldnt even be eligible for income support.
I no longer have a daughter with me. If she was still here I would tell her that it is best to wait and to get a good education, have fun and then settle down to babies. But then if I could have her back I wouldnt care if she had 5 babies before she was twenty.
I must admit that having been born to a 13 year old, I often find people's reaction quite hurtful.
Try looking at it from the baby's perspective.
Do I have less merit as a person, do I not deserve to have been born, am I some how sub human because my mum was just a child?
My life was plenty hard enough without all the lovely people who choose to look down on me and my mother. I was judged in school, judged by the parents of my friends, and judged when I applied for jobs in our small home town.
Yes it would be great if the world was perfect, but the fact is this wee babe is born. End of! She has as much right to life as any one of us. And she also deserves to be given a fair shot at life with out those more priviledged than her looking down their noses at her.
I am a hard working, university educated, married woman. I have never broken a law, or cause upset of any kind in my community. I volunteer, and give to those in need, and try my best to be a decent friend and mother. And yet I still bear the thoughts in the back of my head that make me feel like a lesser life form all because of who people viewed my mother to be.
Please be gentler than necessary, every one is fighting their own battle.
I don't understand where this idea that young mums (or dads) have wasted their lives or are not going to become educated and work hard for their child? :S Confuses the hell out of me. I am 19 and 32 weeks pregnant, I have been to college since school and I will complete relevant courses with the open university this year (whilst looking after baby) or an access course next year and go to university following that for a 3 year course after which I will be a qualified midwife (which was a decision I made LONG before I was pregnant in case anyone wants to throw an insult at that) and I will succeed not only for me as I would have before but now also for my baby. So how is that me not succeeding or not working hard for my own money? :S
Teenagers don't have babies for love (what a load of rubbish!) they have them because they are casual and know that someone else will fix everything for them.
Please don't quote what happened 200 years ago. If you got pregant without married or in a stable family, you would end up in the poorhouse or prostituted on the streets.
Last edited by Sharon M(395); 01-08-11 at 20:37. Reason: Refers to deleted post
Im just wondering what is the right age to have a baby????? Is there not too much sex education that the teenages are wanting to do it thinking they know so much about it? In an OP there is a comment about sex being everywhere from the tv to music videos to internet. You stop someone doing something that is so hyped. I had sex at 14 and knew the dangers of it as Id had so many lessons in school, we even had a "baby doll" for the weekend and some of the girls loved it. For a lot of young girls its what they feel they are born to be, a mum. My younger sister has wanted kids since she was 15 and has now found out she cant have them and will need IVF, does that make her stupid for making this decision?? No it makes her brave as are the other girls that have babies under a certain age. I was 22 when I had my dd and even though I was over 16 I still got dirty looks from older women AND 9 days after having dd I got told to take her home as the lights were too bright in a shopping mall. I told the woman to mind her business as she is MY child and will do as I please. Older mums are very quick to slate young mums and its not fair. We look after our kids just as good if not better than you. I dont know about any of the other young mums but I feel I have to prove to everyone Im just as good. I have my own home, Iv been with oh for years, I work and I DONT CLAIM.
Oh and also i had my son at 16 and have never had benefits apart from when my OH lost his job through the club closing down then he was straight out there looking for another job, his previous job reopened and he was straight in there again so realistically we have been on JSA for 1 week and we got 1 days pay of about £17 for that!
Last edited by Sharon M(395); 01-08-11 at 20:39. Reason: Refers to edited post
And as for your sister, well not a lot i can say about her!
Last edited by gemma b(222); 31-07-11 at 20:50.
Theres girls all over the world, in foreign countries getting married and having kids at 14, what the hells your problem? if that kid is cared for and loved like it should, and probably wll be, then why are you commenting???
I know a girl who had a baby at 14 and shes a fantastic mother, you are nobody to judge..!
i got pregnant at 14 and had her at 15? not a big deal
If a 13 year old needs a child to do that something has gone drastically wrong with their own parenting and upbringing.
A 13 year old is still a child, barely a teen. A child of that age should still be receiving love from their parents.
I dont really think all teen (again I mean under 16) pregnancies happen because a 13 or 14 year old suddenly has an overwhelming desire to love a child! If thats the case, why is it only teenagers in our country and not the rest of Europe that have this great epiphany that they must have a baby to love immediately and cannot wait even a couple of years?
I love all these netmums going on about younger mothers being on benefits and slating them.
Are there no older mothers on benefits? Or is it all these young ones?
There are more people on benefits than younger mothers.
No 14 is not ideal, however the baby is here now, so not really a lot could be done, I would hate if that young girl came on here for support and saw all these horrible comments.
i hate threads likee these!, it turns into about benefits and all the usal immaure things!!
In MY world I always wanted to be in a position where I could financially provide for my child. Having a child is the most important thing you will ever do in life and being able to provide for it in every way possible was at the forfront of my mind, when at 27 years old having a degree, a house, a husband and a job I decided I was in the best possible position to bring a child into this world.
I find your ignorance staggering!!!
Do young girls really have babies just so that they can get a council house and benefits??? REALLY? I mean you hear of it all the time but not from the girls themselves.Is there anyone on here who has done it or knows someone personally who has?I would be genuinly interested to know. I remember as a young teen day dreaming about having babies ,but that was all it was,day dreaming.And if it had happened (I didnt even have sex until 16) It certainly wouldnt have been so that I could get a council house and benefits it would have been because I naiivly thought I wanted a baby.Because to be honest 14 is pretty young! I have a 13 year old daughter and I cant imagine her being a mother in a years time.But biologically if nothing else it is natrual.Im now in my mid 30s and pregnant and its certainly a lot harder on the body.
Like others have said really she just needs all the love and suppoert she can get and not be judged for what undoubtably will be one of the hardest times of her life.
Also in my opinion young girls having babies is the least of societies problems these days.There is a hell of a lot more messed up,unnatural things going on,but thats a whole other kettle of fish.
You won't be paying anyone's pension, have you not heard that the government wants all the workers to work until they drop dead thus not using up their pension entitlements. Oh, and also, if you have a pension, you still pay tax, so the older generation will still be paying their way. You won't be doing anyone any favours.
Maybe the message shouldn't be "DONT HAVE SEX" maybe "IF YOU DO HAVE SEX, MAKE IT SAFE SEX"
You could be the best parent in the world and your child could still get pregnant at any age. Women on here shouldn't be so judgmental and the stigma attached to benefits is unreal! OK so a 14 year old girl has a baby - she needs support for the baby's sake not a shouting at by everybody because she is too young!
Too many women are on their high horse -- just think it could be your child one day!
And you are right, perhaps something has gone wrong, but it doesn't take away from the fact. Have you ever spoken to a teen mum, i have, and they all say the same. I wanted my baby to love them. That is in our genetic makeup.
Also people don't wait, because they just don't!
Hmm. I was 16 when i had my first, but he was still born,,, I went on to have four more children, and you know what?.. I am soo glad i had them young.. i am a very happy mum, and all my kids are doing well at jobs and their lives, and i am a gran!! and I still have the energy to be a great one!!
a young girl has fallen pregnant. Its not the end of the world. Its not disgusting, shes not disgusting. In an ideal world it wouldnt happen, but also in an ideal world there wouldnt be so many judgemental people quick to jump on a story which seems to be essentially a young person making a mistake and then trying to make the best of it.....i live in hope
I have NEVER been accidentally pregnant! I have never been in hardship when i had my children. I wasn't a teen mum! I am explaining WHY people have babies so young.
Its your ignorance you should be addressing, not mine!
You do recognise that being a young parent doesn't automatically mean someone somewhere is claiming benefits for them don't you??
exactly. I never claimed benifits..
I am 25 and pregnant with my second. I do think 14 is very young to be a mum, at 14 I definitely didn't understand sex and its untrue to say teenagers no all about it. I think your up bringing definitely affects how you view the world, and in her case because her parents were young she may of wanted to create the same for herself.
I was depressed at 14 so its rubbish to say girls don't get pregnant for love. I felt unable to express myself and I do think parents mistakes, problems affect how the child behaves. This isn't true for all 14 year olds, I think some are just older beyond their years and think their in love. X
Martina L (15) I don't mean to sound confrontational but could you reply to my post which quoted one of your earlier comments please? I am genuinley intrigued to hear your reply.
As I wrote before, my sister was a teen mum and the reason she was a teen mum? Because she was an immature child that wanted to keep her boyfriend! She knew she might get pregnant but didnt care because instead of hoping that children realise having a child so young is wrong, all we do is nanny them because as a nation we are soft! My sister thought she would have an easy ride of it, probably through being told she would get "support" (which is the only thing you can do if im honest) and "looked after" and she would "never be homeless".
Like a lot of 13 year olds, she had never had much contact with babies so really didnt know what to expect.
She had the impression babies were things that lay in cribs that you dressed and cuddled! Not everything else that goes with it!
But Hey-Ho, im bored now.......
This may be because here in Briton we are less religious, more liberal and have far fewer implications for a girl who is "showing up" the family. Just some thoughts.
So your sister, had a baby for love, but that of her boyfriends, not for a flat and money?!
Ok fine if your bored, i was enjoying out conversation, you are one of the ones who reads before replying.
Actually funny some of the things said on here, what 14 year old knows anything about benefits and why every time does benefits get brought into it.
people are so quick to judge and look down their noses at others when you don't even know her situation or upbringing.
when you talk about people on benefits who are they?? those who claim SMP??? Tax credits, child benefit, income support???? SMP is paid by the work place and then most or all is claimed back from HMRC so does that mean they claim benefits then???
there are a lot of people shouting about being judgemental - this is what this FORUM is for - to give your own thoughts and ideas to subjects - obviously the whole nation does not conform to one idea. It's a discussion point - no an invitation to get nasty at each other.
In terms of the subject - I personally don't know how someone so young could cope. I have a very good friend who had her son at 14. She had outstanding family support, and to her own admission, could not have done it without their help. I have struggled a lot with my dd at times, my fiance and I live 100's of miles from any family or close friends so it's challenging enough. I'm glad I have the life experiences I had before becoming a mother. But each to their own.
Hi I'm new. This thread brings several things to mind.
1. I'm not sure about England but in Scotland the law in respect of under 16's having sex (consensually that is) has changed. It is no longer the male that automatically gets charged. Both parties are seen to be at fault. As such they are both interviewed and the circumstances are reported to the Procurator Fiscal Service. The reality is that it is unlikely that anyone is convicted as it would not be seen to be in the public interest..
(see Sexual Offences Scotland act 2009).
2. This leads onto my next point. I have the utmost respect for any teenager that finds herself pregnant and gets on with the 'job in hand', bringing up a baby. In general however I believe that under 16 is too young. I think the point about 'having a baby for something to love' may be misunderstood. I think a lot of 'children' who get pregnant at this age do so, intentionally or subconsciously, so they have someone who will love them unconditionally. Perhaps because this type of love has up until then been absent in their lives.
3. A lot of it is down to education. opportunity and experience. If you are surrounded by a certain 'type' of people then you are more likely to be like them. If certain things are acceptable/ the 'norm' then you are likely to repeat them yourself. What I mean is if everyone around you hasn't worked (ever) and has children at a young age then you are more likely to see it as acceptable yourself. It's a harsh reality sadly but how many doctors/ vets/ teachers come from deprived areas.
4. I do not believe this situation is right, I do not believe that every person that lives in a housing scheme is a sponger that doesn't pay their way, far from it. I believe that every case should be seen individually. I do however believe that if children are nurtured from an early age, taught to believe in themselves and given opportunities and experiences in their childhood that they will want to continue into this adulthood they will be far less likely to become teenage/ underage mothers.
5. Lastly it infuriates me when people harp on about paying for all the 'spongers'. I work hard and have done since the age of 14. I have no issue with my taxes being spent on benefits. (I don't necessarily agree with how the benefits system operates however - but that's a separate issue). All you people who moan so much, have you ever stopped to think about the rich people in this country. (And I'm talking about the REALLY rich). It repulses me far more when they are allowed tax breaks etc etc, they own several/ companies/ numerous cars/ houses etc etc. Do you honestly think that is right??? And please don't say 'but they earned it'. We're only on the planet for a short time. We do not need more money than we (or our extended family) can ever spend. I have issues with any government that allows a situation like this to remain.
6. I don't believe in allowing one person to win numerous millions on the lottery either.
I don't like it when threads just turn into slating matches, i like it when good points are made.
People do you not think this is getting out of hand? You're grown adults, it's a debate not a shouting match.
You are all entitled to your own opinion but the whole benefit thing is a bit cringy. I appreciate that some are not being articulate in their wording and that it is what is causing this out of hand debate. To Be Honest you should just virtually hug and make up.
I agree with the first post, people can be judgmental towards teen mothers, I had my son in the late 90s as a 16 year old. It was tough for many years people were scornful of me but they just didn't know that I had 12 A/B GCSEs and an acceptance letter to Oxford lol. It's hard, I got pregnant abroad to a German boy, it was an ACCIDENT I did not want to get pregnant but it happened. My son has shaped who I am, and you can't call me a failing mother, nor anybody just based on the fact that they made a mistake. My son's trilingual and he's lived in 3 different countries. I adapted to my plans in life as I am sure every teen mum has done. Well done you teen mums (or used to be-teen mum) x
Someone earlier mentioned it was normal for younger girls to have babies 300 years ago. Back then, yes it was the 'norm', usually due to high infant mortality rates, and mothers often died in labour too. I had a friend in school (ages ago) who had a baby at 15, and she had an awful time, suffering from post natal, couldn't handle the baby crying, missed going out etc. She said she wanted to feel loved and needed and that's why she didn't use anything, in hopes to have a baby. I wish there was some way to reach out to these girls who feel like this before they try to have a baby so young. There is obviously something psychologically upsetting them. Perhaps having counsellors in schools? Ours didn't have one, not sure if any do now as mine is just in primary school. I'm not saying that is the only reason girls have babies at that age, I just know from this girl I knew that was her reason and it was a shame she didn't have help sooner.
Grandad at 29
MY partner is 29 and we have just had our first child - he spent most of my pregnancy worrying that he was too young for the responsibility!!!
Anyway, I just think it' a shame that this girl cannot enjoy the freedom of being a teenager as she is now responsible for another life.
Also, how is she able to make informed parenting choices when she has had such little life experience herself??
The welfare system paid for by taxes (yeh, blah blah) was set up to help people in dire straits for a short period of time, not as a lifestyle choice. What is wrong with people complaining that their taxes are being casually used up? Why should the taxpayer pick up the tab for other people's lack of care?
It must be nice to be so casual about life knowing that some mug is going to keep you. When I was unemployed last year, I was told that they did not want to pay me from the start of my claim, because they did not think I was trying hard enough to find work. Do any of you welfare experts have that problem? I have worked for years, but had to beg to get £65 a week from the system for a few weeks. Then they keep hounding you to find a job that may not be there as we are in a recession. Do they hound all of you and threaten to stop your benefits everytime you go into their office? You probably don't even have to go anywhere, they just send you money without you exerting yourselves.
I have recently become employed again and It is SO much easier than being a SAHM imo, I welcome the break, adult interaction and just the general atmosphere is easier for me.
I would even go as far to say I cannot wait to go to work tomorrow.
Last edited by Katie C(207); 31-07-11 at 21:53.
More to the point, if you recognise the lack of jobs, due to recession, wtf do you suggest the "scroungers" do??!!??!
Some people have been through it because THEY put themselves through it. On the flip side there are the ones who were put in less than favourable circumstances and are left to deal with it. Those are the ones I really empathise with and feel for and seek to support in every possible way. But for the ones who live carelessly, they are left to their own devices.
Technically it shouldnt be up t the government to police teens and what they get up to. It SHOULD be the parents...When I was 14 my mum used to ring me every ten minutes. And if I didnt answer she would come looking for me...
Not very cool...lol
ok i agree 14 is young but that dont mean she will be a bad mother, i was 19 when i got pregnant it was a big shock but i had to grow up but now im 23 married with 2 beautiful children and we have just brought our family home... it can be done ladies not every teenage mum is a bad mum!
I did not! I just pointed out that there are a number of younger mums at the group I attend who do not look after themselves physically like I do so they are not going to be more physically able than me no matter what their age is. If you are overweight and smoke you cannot be as physically fit as someone who takes regular exercise, watches their diet and doesn't smoke. I never mentioned laziness. I think you have got the wrong end of the stick.
Women in the previous centuries got married early, had one baby after another and by 40 looked like ancient creatures. Life expectancy, for example, in 1800s was 37. So, I do not buy this argument that life was the same, as it wasn't.
I find it amazing that so many posters defend having sex and babies at 13-14, and pour scorn at anyone who dared to have children at 40.
Someone on the other thread said she couldn't think of anything more awful than having a child at 40.
The sportiest girl i knew in school was really fat and a smoker. She was a fantastic sports woman though.
So basically you are all for stereotypes, as long as they don't put you in the wrong box?
Wow this thread got heated fairly quickly! 14 is terribly young to have a child but we dont know the situation shes in. Plenty of women dont know they are pregnant so who knows how this was played out! Seems to me that this poor girl has suffered. Pre-eclampsia is not nice so maybe a little sympathy should be granted rather than a quick judgement.
On another note.....I dont understand the benfit system at 26 so a 14 year old has no chance!! I do know though that at 14 you cannot claim benefits even if u are a mother. Someone aged over 16 has to claim child tax and child benefit etc on your behalf. SO I sincerely doubt this was done for money.
I dont believe that this girl will be a bad mum. I dont think she has gone for the easy route in life but we dont know that she chose it either. Seems to me that this girl has indeed followed in her fathers footsteps but lets hope she is the one to break the cycle. I think being a mum is the hardest job in the world and everytime I come on here there are always young mums and older mums slating eachother, calling eachother fat slobs, spongers, alcoholics etc. WE ARE ALL MUMS!! We have 1 thing that unites us. whether u choose to stay at home or work fulltime is irrelevant. Whether u had your child at 40 or 14 is irrelevant. WAKE UP and see that life doesnt always work the same for everyone. Yes its frustrating when u feel that everyone is on your back, and yes its frustrating when u feel that u r paying for someone to sit on their backside but at the end of the day we are all doing the best we can to raise children. We dont always get it right but we try!! Thats the reason we are on here in the first place isnt it??!! Everyone comes on here to get advice, swap tips and generally make new mum friends to help make us better mums. I hope that this girl cancome on here and get support without everyone jumping down her throat like this. Whether u agree with her having sex so young or not, can u all say that u have not done anything that you will look back on and not wish u had done it differently!? Give her a break. SHe has been through quite a trauma and probably wasnt after all the attention she is getting. Let her try and be the best mum she can and lets try and be good mums and support her and others like her. U never know when it might be your son/daughter in that situation!!!
Well statistically older mothers are more likely to die during child birth and the following year after, they are more likely to have disabled children, they are more likely to have far less energy. There you go.
You gave a stereotyped as did i. This is my very point you told someone not to stereotype older mums, but its facts that do that, the same as your facts that say fat smokers are not as healthy as you.
So if you tell others off for doing it, don't validate your points by doing it yourself.
Hmm well yeah I personally think 14 is too young to become a mother because it's really hard work (& i mean no disrespect to any mums who had their babies at that age). I'm 21 and had my daughter 5 months ago but was still at university. I eventually dropped out to look after her myself because childcare costs were too much (i work part-time) and with studying didn't see very much of her however i hope to start a course with the open university because I'm determined to get the degree I started.
I think it's hard at any age to take responsibility of a child but i don't think age really comes into the equation when it comes to the ability of the parent. We all as mothers need help sometimes but it must be hard as a 14 year old not only having a baby but also the pressure of everyone judging her because of her age.
and in response to your question " how many of them I go running with"? None they are all too busy eating donuts and smoking fags (joke!)
the only thing i will say that is negative about a mother as young as that is that she will need alot of support, and she will be missing out on her youth. everything else is circumstantial really.
it's certainly not ideal to have a baby that young dont get me wrong but it's not the worst ever thing either. forcing an abortion on a teenager would have a much bigger impact mentally i feel.
biologically we are made for having babies from puberty till menopause. socially we have them nearer to the menopause than we do puberty. socially we see it as wrong, as the mother being too immature, not being ready etc etc. but biologically...which is basically what rules us...it's perfectly normal and a mother is ready for nuturing young at that age. tey are capable of feeling the same love older mothers do for their child, they are capable of looking after them and putting them first. only society gets in the way of the things they cannot do...like financially support them. biologically afterall we dont need jobs or education...we just..well...live, eat, and breed (basics)
they certainly dont deserve the judgement and villifying they get. i've read lots of threads on here about when people lost their virginity...and alot seemed to be below 16. i suspect most of them didn't get pregnant. how many young girls have sex under 16? i know i wanted it then (but i didn't lose it till 18) luckily noone wanted me but soooo many young girls get pressured into having sex too...all it takes is sex, even if you are taking precautions nothing is 100%
i dont believe for one minute anyone has a baby to get a house and live off benefits for life, especially those under 16...for starters they would have to wait till 16 before being given benefits...and at least 16 (though may be 18) before getting a house...if they are lucky. even then it'll be some ****hole the council dumps them in...babies cost more than the benefits..unless neglected ofc but i've known a few NON teenage mums who use their childs money for other things.
ofc also, some girls will have a baby in order to have something to love, or because they dont have self confidence oand cannot see another path. i know i was sort of the latter. i was 19 when i got pregnant, by accident, and i was at college. i wasn;t sure what i wanted to do exactly and was drifting...i didn't WANT to be a mum...ever really lol, till i found out i was pregnant...it's weird what pregnancy does to you but i really wanted the baby and suddenly life was planned out better...i was better at being a mum than drifting and not knowing what i want to do. i have worked...but nothign career wise. but now my children are older i DO know what i want to do...and i will do it i think it's work out the best way for ME tbh as i pretty much would have wasted years drifting and deciding....then more training...then more years in a career...then need a break from career to have kids if able to concieve(afterall we never know if we are fertile till we have children)...then be too bloody old to get back into it properly lol. this way my kids will be older then by time my career sets off (will be working in meantime btw )they'd be teens/adults and probably moved out and i'd have time on my hands (maybe lol)
life is never planable anyway really...but that's my plan atm nothing wrong with whatever your 'plan' is if it works for you and your children.
I think its disgusting to base parenting standards based on age. She might be the best mother ever.
Before the 1900's it was unusual not to have a baby by age 16.
And even if she does have flaws, her parents are young and capable of helping and there will be a lot worse parents older and richer than her.
You dont know her, her upbringing, her financial status or her level of maturity. All you know is her age and to base an entire thread and opinion on an age is immature in itself.
A law against pregnancy? Maybe you should meet a few young mums before believing everything you hear through the media.
Last edited by Sharon M(395); 01-08-11 at 20:52. Reason: Personal attack
I just find it really sad kids cant be kids longer these days if you know what i mean there was no chance i was dtd under 16 i was still climbing trees and playing hide and seek! and i'm not dissing anyone just find it sad
I think its difficult being a young mum with out people looking down at you,
I became pregnant at 20 and people were etremly rude and still are even though im now 24, getting pregnant wasnt deliberate, I had a rare reaction to some medication which stoped my contraceptive. We found out I was pregnant at 6 months. At this time we had just moved in with my grandmother who'd been diagnosed with luekemia. I was her career 24hours a day 7 days a week. My husband worked 50 hour weeks to make sure we could afford for me not to work and to look after our son and my grandmother. I needed to do everything for her that i needed to do for my son. We have NEVER claimed benefits.
That was the hardest time of my life but me and my partner made things work, never split up, are brilliant parents to my son and did what was needed for my grandmother. I did all this at the age of 20. Me and my partner are now married and expecting our second, we own our own house, my husband works full time, i work casual hours with a national charity and everyone comments on how happy my son is,
and yet
when i went to his nursery introduction at the school 2 women were discussing Very loudly that i can not be raising my son correctly, as i am such a bad role mdel getting pregnant at a young age. They also said the standard of the school is slipping if they are letting the children of 'young' mums in. I am the youngest parent by about 10 years.
My cousin got pregnant at 15, the father did a runner, she studied at home for her GCSE's and A levels, resultling in 3 A's at A levels, she worked part time so she didnt need to claim benefits and got offered a place at Cambridge university. But the local newspaper who had taken her photo as part of the A level celebrations refused to print her pic because she had her son with her.
She decided to go to a part time course at a local uni so she could save money, and graduated last year with a 1st class degree in Physics.
Alot of young mums are unprepared but each is unique and so many of them could do so well in life and do well in life. You can not tarnish us all with the same brush.
I thought I'd share my side of the story as a young mum.
I was 15 when I had my daughter, And even then I found myself stupid for falling pregnant at such a young age! Who isn't at that age? I was careless and one of these teens that thought 'it would never happen to me'.
I've never claimed off other taxpayers and so on though, my partner worked and provided for us even when I was living at my parents.
I moved in with him in our private rented house and gave birth to my son at the age of 16 (fell pregnant second time due to failed implant).
I'm only 18 now, but we still have our house, my partner has his own IT business, and I've just currently been laid off my previous job but I'm about to train and do my qts (starting in the next week or so).
My children are well looked after, always clean, balanced meals, clean home and all the things they need are taken care off.
So not every teen is having babies for the free house, money, and the 'joys' like that.
However, as I said before My actions were stupid and that age and I'm glad I managed to mature very quickly.
I don't reccomend anyone that age to have a child, I never will say it is a good idea, because it's far from, they should be able to get their education, a stable job, a stable relationship and all those precious things we take advantage of in life first.
I have a family member that had a child young and just 'ditched' her child on other people in the family to go live her life of partying and getting drunk every weekend, which she could afford with the good ol' help of income support and a council house etc etc.
My sister is also married with her 2 children and when her husband got laid of they had to go onto benifits for a month or so but they never took advantage and my brother in law is happily working again.
I understand both sides of the arguments about young parents, I'm never going to agree it is fine for a teen to have a child (and I'm saying that as a teen parent). But I also don't believe it is right to judge anyone as a parent or a person unless you know them and have full reason to.
Surely it's only a minority of teenagers who aspire to have children before they've had a chance to grow-up themselves? If it was the norm for babies to have babies it wouldn't make a national newspaper, it would be par for the course. If it wasn't the case that a lot of teenagers aspire to university and well-paid jobs and opportunities to travel, etc, etc then universities wouldn't be able to hoik up their fees to crippling levels and still have teens competing for places, getting themselves into debt that will last them well into their careers. If young people didn't want to work but instead just sponge off the state there wouldn't be people doing work placements for no pay to gain experience in over-crowded markets, essentially exploited because of their willingness to get a foothold in the career they've studied for. There wouldn't be young people working abroad to help those in more vulnerable positions than themselves whilst also relishing the opportunity to broaden their horizons...
The trouble is that it's always the bleaker side of teenage life that hits the headlines. The only time hard-working, studious teens get their moment in the spotlight is on exam results day...and every year their achievements are accompanied by questions as to whether they're getting easier and easier. Way to value our teenagers who do aspire to work hard and make the most of themselves!
14 year old children should not be having sex - END OF!
I got pregnant at 14?
Yes it is hard, but to judge a mum purely because she is 14 is WRONG!
I had my daughter at 15, luckily I had a supportive mother who helped out a lot as the 'father' to my child ran a mile.
When DD was 12 weeks I went back into education, luckily I was entitled to free childcare. I came out of college with 6 GCSEs all A*'s and B's and 3 A levels.
Finished college at 17 and started working on my 18th birthday, my OH was not working so he looked after DD whilst I worked 40+ hours a week to provide for my little family. He is now also working full time, on a better wage than me.
Now aged 18 and OH is 21, we have a just got a mortgage on a lovely 3 bedroomed house. DD goes to nursery 3 days a week (paid for by me as we are not entitled to much benefits wise), we live very comfortably, more so than others who have been hit by the recession.. and by that I mean older mum's who apparently are the best parent's just because of their ages!!
Makes my blood boil to think that some people think they are better than me just because they are older!
Emotionally it has been hard, but financially and physically I am better off now than I would be if I hadn't had my daughter. She gave me the drive I needed to get my life into gear.. and I am a much better person for having her.. what a STUPID 14 year old girl I was right?
Because these sorts of things, whilst accessible to middle class children with trust funds and parents with professional jobs aren't always a possibility for the kid who grew up on a council estate with two unemployed or NMW earning parents.
Travelling costs money, as does going to university. When noone in your family has earned more than £7 an hour you could be forgiven for thinking you won't either.
Personally I think you can't win. If you have your children in your teens you're "too young" and are only doing it to get benefits and a council house. If you have them in your 30s (like I did) you're "too old" and risk passing on genetic conditions, were "selfish" for having a career first and will be too old to "run about" with your grandkids.
(despite the fact that most grandparents don't do much "running about" - thats more the parents job lol).
Look, a woman's natural fertility extends from around 12 or 13 to mid forties (ish). Anything within that range of 30 years is "normal". Its what nature intended. Before and after that you can't get pregnant.
Personally I can't imagine having a child at 14 - I was very much a baby myself back then! I didn't feel remotely "ready" for children until I was 32 (am not a career woman and didn't have a career before having children, there were various factors, such as spending the first 10 years of my "adult" life with a man who didn't want kids). Having my son at nearly 35 and my daughter at 38 were the best decisions for me. Others might not want to leave it "that late" (although I actually love being in my late thirties with a four year old and a baby, they keep me young! I'd hate to be a grandmother before I was 40, which this girl who's had a baby at 14 is at risk of!). A girl I went to school with had a baby at 16 - she now has a 23 year old daughter and a grandchild - and looks, dresses and acts about 20 years OLDER than me . No thanks.
Its not really "ideal" to have a baby that young, mainly because you haven't done enough in your life yet, you have'nt got the life experience which I feel goes towards being a good parent, but it doesn't mean that this girl is automatically going to be a "bad" mother. She might be a very good one. There are good and bad mothers in all age ranges.
The media need to stop harping on about it. Its been happening since the beginning of time and will carry on happening. Its against the law to have sex with someone under 16 anyway. Thats as much as they can do legality-wise . . .
I had my son at the age of 31. I had just graduated from uni (as a mature student obviously) and was working full time living in a shared flat (with 4 other people). When i found out i was pregnant, myself and my partner quickly had to try and get a mortgage and find a property in preperation for the baby. When i returned to work (again full time) we were paying £600 a month child care fees out of our wages aswell as £900 a month mortgage. I think i wish i had had a baby as a teenager!!!! I would have been able to live happily under my parents roof, and have all the support that goes with living at home and had free childcare (as a couple of pp have mentioned) in order to finish my education. Maybe teenage parents arent so daft after all!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with comments made that more education and openness is the key. I'm not sure education in a school setting at a young age will make much of a difference however, being able to be open in a social or family setting can help with this problem. It has been shown that secrecy tends to lead to all kinds of problems. (Child abuse is often found within dysfunctional families who don't communicate with each other).
I was surprised to find that in the UK we have one of the highest ages of consent in Europe yet we also have one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy and abortion. We also have the highest rate of unprotected sex generally.
Germany has a low teen pregnancy rate yet their age of consent is 14. Having lived in Germany I noticed that children are given more responsibility for their own lives and decisions. There are more youth clubs and open places where they can hang around and have a drink. (Incidentally, drinking age for wines and beers etc is 16 in Germany and driving age is 18).
In the Netherlands where it is generally accepted that society is far more liberal and open to discussion, the age of consent is 16 (I always thought it was lower) and they have one of the lowest rates of teen pregnancy in Europe and the world!
I'm definitely of the thinking that if something is not allowed, if there are not enough other things to do and if we are not open about things then the more people (of any age but particularly teen age) want to do the "not allowed" things.
I've had my eyes opened a lot lately as to the differences between social and economic areas. I realise now that I was brought up in a much more affluent area than my partner for example. In my year group of about 350 people I only know of one person who had a baby under the age of 16. I wouldn't have dreamt of having underage sex (I was too scared and was kept busy with other things) even though I was given the "talk" at 10 years old and started my periods shortly afterwards. I was also never allowed to be in the situation (except for one holiday incident) where I may be exposed to sexual behaviour. My partner on the other hand became sexually active from a young age. She was allowed to go on a drinking holiday abroad at age 15. She's told me that people tend to have sex because there's nothing else to do there. I can believe that. I'm not saying that underage sex and teen pregnancy only occurs in less privileged areas but there appears to be a totally different mind set in these areas that will be incredibly difficult to get to the bottom of in order to bring about changes.
As for financially, are most 14 year old children financially secure?
Oh, and I do know young mums (I teach a lot of children with young mums)and I wouldn't dream of reading the Daily Mail (Independent all the way lol)
Please don't think it is only people who are young rely on benefits. People are people regardless of their age. If people can't support themselves or their families then they claim benefits. So have you a problem with young mum (funny how no one has commented about the baby's dad) or the fact that we think the families is claiming benefits
Firstly, I would like to say well done to Alyson R, and her sister. You are clearly both very motivated and inspirational women and your children are lucky to have you as mothers.
Secondly, when I was 15 I felt that I was mature and responsible enough to be a mother and I would have loved to have had a baby. My little sister is now 15 and although she does not want a baby (thank god!!) she does feel like she is an adult and that she knows best about everything! I think generally that teenage girls believe they are far more mature and capable than they are, but you only realise how naive you were when you get older.
Luckily I didn't get pregnant and instead went on to do a degree and work full time...it is only now at the age of 26, I own my own house, have been with OH for 7 years, and am financially stable that we have now had our first child.
With regards to teenagers claiming benefits...I found it complicated enough trying to fill in my tax credits form and I have an English degree!
Also, there is a difference between getting help from family/the state to relying completely on one or the other. We don't have family to help us, could do without child benefit if needed (it goes to dd and is saved). I appreciate not everyone can but I really don't feel grandparents should be expected to help out if they don't wish.
I don't think anyone should be planning children if they cannot afford to finance it (and state top ups are fine imo as you are still providing your own finance into your family).
My opinion on this is based on the age - at 14 you are a child. Of course mistakes happen but I just don't think people under age should be having sex. My opinion of the dad is the same - he should not have been engaging in a sexual relationship with someone under the age of consent.
mother nature
if we lived in a society that wasn't ruled by money, greed and power hungry freaks, the world would be a better place, people could just get on with there lives doing there best by the children and loved ones.
Last edited by Sharon M(395); 01-08-11 at 21:02. Reason: Insulting
We interfere with nature constantly. Just because someone has the capabilities of being pregnant does not mean they should be. it takes more than a 'mature' body and love to raise a child.
babys dad
no 1 is in the position to judge when you dont even no a persons situation, they could of been rape victim...there partner may have left them after the baby was born...or even worse you dont even know if some poor girls partner has died and she may have been left with no choice but to accept help off the system to support her child pride aside. Maxine is rite...people are still people regardless of age..you cant judge when u dont know there situation.
I don't buy into the attitude "if it happens it happens". Yes,, some people fall pregnant earlier than expected and it's entirely their choice how to continue. That doesn't mean I think it's ok or acceptable for children to be having sex and being in a position where pregnancy is a potential outcome.
The law absolutely says that people under 16 are not capable of consenting to sex, regardless of if they feel 'ready' or not. Maybe if more people were actually prosecuted for statutory rape it may make people think.
I'm not judging anyone, simply stating my opinion.
Last edited by Vanessa M(127); 01-08-11 at 14:46.
I don't get why people are being so cruel. If any of the kids i know now, got pregnant at 14, i'd give 'em a slap for being so silly, but i wouldn't judge or belittle them. How would any of use feel if, while pregnant and after having a child, someone came out with the same things to all of us, because we're populating an already over populated planet?
i found out through a friend of my mums, that a woman was in a mental institute for 54years all for the reason she got pregnant at 14. Nobody should have to go back to idea. So what exactly would be your answer to underage pregnancies. Its definatley not a great situation to be pregnant at such a young age, but the alternative is?????????????
My answer to any teenage girl,keep your legs closed and go on the pill! !!!!
I am 25 myself and a single parent to my child since I was 21 and have worked to support my child and have a degree and a masters. I was also "on the pill" but it didnt work due to health reasons that I do not care to disclose.
you only know the number of years shes lived, not how shes lived them
i had my son at 17, hes now 5 months and im 18. i have my own flat & doing a home college course. Dont judge by age. You dont know she's a "vicky pollard 'jeremy kyle' mum" for all you know, shes being the best mum she can be in her situation.
If i had a daughter and she got pregnant at 14, i'd be dissapointed yes, but not dissapointed in her, id do everything in my power to ensure everything was done to support her and the baby (if thats what she chose).
every person is different. every situation is different. nobody knows anything about her other than the number of years shes lived, not how shes lived them.
(Oh, and as for "stop the money from the government and teens wont get pregnant" i have never heard someone go, oh, think i need a few quid, i know, il get pregnant.)
I dont think its ideal when young teenagers have babies, but it happens, always has, always will no matter how educated someone is.
If my girl got pregnant at 13,I would be devasted,I have said that on the other thread.
But only until the shock wore off...then I would support her.
That is what we older mums' should be doing...supporting the young mums,not hitching up our judgey pants and firing at them.
They need support....not condemnation.
I can honestly see why people get angry. It makes my blood boil.
I think this thread is just terrible.
Surely a 14yr old mum has had a hard enough time without you looking down your noses at her and critising her every flaw. A failed contraceptive and prolife choice doesnt make her lifestyle decisions wrong, it makes her a good person.
Sex is not decided because of her age, its decided by hormones and feelings. When your ready for sex your ready and just because the pill failed, rod didnt work or a condom split doesnt mean anything other than that she has a choice on wether to begin her adult life or end her babies.
Deciding to keep her child will be the most mature and lifelong decision she will ever make and telling her she should never have had sex or that the decison she made was wrong is futile and offensive.
She deserves support and help not scrutiny and namecalling.
I wouldn't WANT DD to get pregnant at 16, of course not, but if it happened, well I'd suck it up and get on with it, and encourage her to be a good mother, like I would at any age. I'd be pretty upset if she did it deliberately though - she hopefully won't as she will have DH's mother as a lesson in what CAN happen if you deliberately get yourself knocked up in your teens . . . put it this way, DH and his siblings did NOT have a good childhood. . .
Last edited by Kate P(373); 01-08-11 at 16:12.
Not always bad...
I had a baby at 16... It is very hard but sometimes, if for the right reasons its not such a bad thing. I was at school doing my GCSEs and I did find it hard but i carried on as most other woman would do. I passed school and went on tp colage to then get a further 6 A levels.... some of my friends without children dont have that level, it made me more determained to succeed because young mummies are judged! I agree it used to be 'the norm' to have babies young. I am now successful in my job and im only 21, my daughter is now 5 and she is the best person I have in my life She has made me want to do well, just like mummies of all other ages, we all want to do right by our children right??
14 is extremly young but we dont know the reasons behind it. I used to feel ashamed when I was 16 because of how people looked at me, but Im doing well, and Im a very young mummy so people shouldnt judge from age or looks.
Worry when the child is neglected.
I am so happy with my daughter I wouldnt change any of it for the world.....
God this threads made me angry some people seriouslly have NO IDEA!!!!!
They go on like there all hollier than thou with there middle class opinions (yes i know this because my street is full of them!!)
Its nothing about being middle class its about how closed minded most of the middle class are for example my mil is what you would think is a average paper reading 40 something living in a nice house with a nice car,however shes a mental health nurse who believes in anti new world order and such,so you dont have to follow the NORM!
Open your mind ,theres so much more to life than what meets the eye.
Soo glad i havnt been brought up around people with the same out look on life as some of you.
I also think it's naive to say that failed contraception is the problem with teenage pregnancies. Watch enough channel 5 programmes on teenage mums and you'll see that most of them aren't taking contraception. "I didn't think it would happen while I was on my period" is the classic line.
Ultimately, no-one can properly judge this couple without all the facts and we only have what that quality newspaper The People chose to tell us.
What I find telling is the fact this family is in the papers giving an interview and posing for photos as if it's an OK shoot. They are doing it for the money...
IMO, anyone is entitled to have a baby if they, or their family can support it financially. Someone who knowingly has a child meaning they will need support from the state is doing it for selfish reasons. I had to wait years before I could afford a child and I've paid thousands in tax and NI in the intervening years.
a friend of mine her daughter got raped at 14 she fell pregnant bt went on to have the child she is 18 now and is a fantastic mum
she went on going to school put up with bullying but coped with it and went onto college
Last edited by cheryl h(217); 01-08-11 at 16:25.
God, the world is changing. But to be honest with all under 18 nightclubs and things, everything goes wrong. Specially when some people are trying to earn a living selling entry to these places and with the music videos, I mean seriously Rihanna S&M is all about the pain during sex. But I would of thought it would be a lot to go through it.
FWIW the old days of "get pregnant, get a free house" are long gone. Margaret Thatcher sold all the council houses off! Most Councils have very little stock left and housing associations also have long waiting lists. Young mothers who approach the council's housing dept looking for emergency housing are likely to be offered nothing more luxurious than a hostel and all they'll get after that is a private rental.
A friend of my SIL's was made homeless whilst pregnant after an arson attack on her flat (she was 18). The council simply referred her to a private landlord who evicted her after two weeks when he found out she'd been a victim of arson she came home from hospital to find the locks changed and all her belonging, including the baby's things out on the street, soaked and ruined by the rain). She spent the first few weeks of her baby's life in a B&B/shutting around family members/friends until she could find another private landlord (who agreed to house her but demanded a larger than normal bond because she posed an increased "risk" (despite the fact that her violent ex who had caused the arson attack on her previous residence was in custody). The place she is living in is small, cramped and smells of damp but its all she can get and she needs a roof over her head for the baby's sake.
You can forget the days of council houses being handed out like sweeties, they're long gone.
My mum had me back when she was 25 in 1990, she was considered to be young and throwing her life away, I'm going to be 22 when my first is born next year and I've already been told I'm too young and its irresponsible. Regardless of age, although how the boy can't be charged with rape and the girl not know about contraception is beyond me, if she can prove she can be a responsible mother then she can keep it, if not I would suggest social services get involved to aid the situation and perhaps place the child into foster care, if improvement wasn't made then adoption would be an option to give the child a better life and make a couple who can't have kids, very happy.
But its situations like this that keeps my mum in a job, as she's a foster carer.
Just to add my penny's worth....
I would be very disappointed if I had a 14 year old child and they were sexually active. Sex is illegal at this age for a few reasons.
That said, I think once a pregnancy has occurred then the issue isn't really whether or not they should have been having sex. Surely it's the issue then becomes the wellbeing of the unborn child and the mother. I think the thread tends to get heated for the wrong reasons.
As much as I would question a 14 year olds ability to look after a baby, I don't think we can have a "one type fits all" classification. Some 14 year olds are very immature (and to be honest, they should be at this young age!) but some are mature. But I don't think that's the point, I think we should be more focussed on helping the young mother-to-be to access the right support networks.
As for benefits etc- I believe it is the case that one can only claim benefits at 16 years old and above. So a 14 year old is going to have to rely heavily on financial assistance from family.
To sum up- to call a pregnant 14 year old irresponsible sounds to me like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.
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Last edited by Sharon M(395); 01-08-11 at 21:21.
You are right, I don't know much about benefits because I and my partner have spent our adult lives working.
The scroungers (as you put it) are people who have been living on benefits for years and have no intention of working if they can help it, recession or no recession.
Its not wrong to have sex, sex is a wonderful, whether you're married not. Just teach then to be more responsible for their actions, e.g use a comdon to prevent the spread of STIs. Moralising and finger wagging to young teenagers will only encourage them to rebel and do the opposite of what you say.
Im beginning to wonder when the bloke who impregnated her is going to get some flack?
Did she crawl upon herself and make herself pregnant? I think not!
Why does she have to suffer the guilt and shame forced upon her?
Why cant he foot the bill, or shock horror, help bring this baby up?
My dad did it alone with 5 kiddies, lets all take a closer look at the father........
My GD is no saint, she has come out of a 3 year relationship with a boy, but was on contraceptives during it. She is 19 and a full time uni student, has a part time job and is sharing a house with other students all of whom pay rent.She goes out drinking with her friends but has not yet relied on the state for anything.This may or may not last, but at the moment she is happy with it.
This case should not have got into the media.It will only encourage others to do similiar.Now there will be a youngest grandparent award.
Hmm, this is always going to be a controversial subject.
In all honesty I'm an extremely old fashioned 36 year old. I'm not against sex before marriage, but I am glad that I was married before having children and relieved I had no accidents.
No contraception is fool proof and accidents will happen - when I lost my virginity I used a condom and it flipping broke so ended up having to use the morning after pill!
When I was 14 years of age sex was the furthest thing from my mind because I knew there was a risk I could have gotten pregnant and because I didn't want that to happen, I didn't do it!
I have to say if either of my girls told me at the age of 14 they were pregnant I would be devastated. I just hope that as they grow and mature into young ladies that they will be able to be completely honest with me and as upsetting as I would find it if they wanted to have sex at such a young age, I would prefer them to come to me for help with contraception.
She pays no money towards the house, and spends her child benefit on getting a tatoo or a new handbag- literally the first thing she paid for for her child was a top on her first birthday! I know because she was moaning about having to spend some money on her child!
Its this type of person that makes me mad, as they have family members who do everything for the child while the 'mother' does nothing. then there are genuine poeple who need housing and they get fobbed off.
Last edited by Jen D(16); 06-08-11 at 19:58.
I am 15 and am pregnant with twin girls <3
It wasn't my fault, I was raped, but I am living for my girls now. I don't care what people think of me, but I wasn't about to kill my babies, no matter how they were conceived, I think they have a right to life.
I'm not going to say that this has been easy, not by a long stretch, but it is a situation I am in and I am going to have to deal with it.
Thing is, I love my babies. I basically brought up my 3 younger sisters and being very old in my generation have always looked after younger cousins/babies of family friends. I know that this isn't really the right time to have a baby, but I couldn't kill them..
I am doing extra school work over the holidays, preparing lots for next year. I have studied ahead in so many of my school courses, I could probably do my GCSE's now!
It has been difficult at school and it will be difficult when the twins are born, no one can pretend it is not going to be. People can look at me and call me names but I don't care any more. I have more important things to live for.
I have had a job so have managed to raise lots of money to help with the upbringing of my twins. I am not lazy and I don't just want to live off benefits, I will get a job and earn my own money for them. It is my responsibility to provide for them.
This thread makes me really angry. How do you know what went on? How can you judge her if you don't know her? For all you know, she could be a really good mum! So I say, don't judge a book by it's cover.
^^ Sorry for rant ladies, have a nice day xx
im truely sorry abt the rape
Gd luck with ur babies i dont doubt u will do ur best for ur girls and whatever the age of the mom its all any of us can do.
Dont let the views of other affect u.
U dont say in ur post but i hope u have support xx
Ooo! a young mum bashing thread! GREAT! cuz it really helps to sl** us off!
sick of these - i didn't plan to get pregnant at 15, but i did - when ya young u don't expect to get pregnant - you're a kid, u think you're invicinable (sp?)
my school washed my hands of me & another school i tried didn't wna know either - so they stopped my chances of getting any GCSEs which makes it extremely hard to get a job!!
what about these c*** older mothers - don't see them getting sl***** off?!?!
my mum & auntie's all had their first babies at 17/18. my 2 sisters also had their first babies at 18. my mum, aunties & 1st sister had partners/husbands to support them whereas my youngest sisters partner wasnt very supportive & has had nothing but trouble from him since. i on the other decided to go out & get a job before i had children & was constantly getting asked from family 'isnt it about time u had a baby?' i had been with my partner about 3 yrs before i had my first son at the ripe old age of 26. i worked until 36 wks preg then went back to work when he was 6 months old. my son is 6 next month & i have another son now who is 14 months old but am also a single parent now. yes i get help with housing benefit, no maintenance from my ex but im happy. i still go to work with no childcare help from family or friends & my children have to come with me but they have everyhting they need & i would go without to make sure they have it . im almost 32 now but wouldnt change a thing , i love my boys more than life itself and i'll bet that this 14 yo girl will want to prove people wrong by eventually getting a job & providing for her child just so she's not another statistic. yes i agree it is sadf having a child that young as she still has a lot of living to do but i wish her all the luck
The teaching assistant in my class has this - he 16 year old asked her to go to the clinic to get implanon because she and her bf were going to have sex but didn't want to risk pregnancy.
Teach the kids about morals. Sex before marriage is wrong. It has to go hand in hand with a strong , loving relationship. Go out and study, get a job !! There are more priorities in life at the age of 14 than boys and sex !!
How on earth can you think forced abortions are the way? What about her rights as a human being????
The only benefits she will be entiltled to is Child Benefit as she is under 16 so I dont think that was her reason for getting pregnant.
And as for not allowing sex before marriage, get out the dark ages, I certainly wouldnt have got married without having sex with my husband first
Last edited by gemma d(70); 07-08-11 at 15:52.
If a 14 year old gets pregnant and chooses to continue then that's her choice. I would not be happy if my daughter told me she was pregnant at a young age but would allow her to make her choice, whatever that was.
Oh yay! More narrow minded women who think its okay to **** off young mums
Im 19, have been with my partner since just after my 16th birthday, I fell pregnant with my son whilst living at home, i was working full time and so was my partner! I left my job cos the doctors signed me off due to stress but my partner has worked for the same company ever since and works all the hours under the sun to provide for us! We live in a 3 bed house (rented) in an amazing area, we moved 50miles from our family and friends to be able to live in such a nice area. We pay ALL our bills, and the only 'help' we get is Child benefit and Child tax credits. Our son is now 20months and im 19 weeks pregnant with my 2nd!
Im sick of young mums getting slated for doing the ADULT thing and bringing up their kids in the right way! Yes there are mums who get pregnant for benefits aand a council house but we're not ALL like that! Im a good mum!
its only latley that teen mums have such a bad name my nan was telling me how she was married at 15 and had 2 children by the time she was 19 so i dnt think its changed much in the years and whos to say she wont be a brilliant mum
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Iwas 15 too when i had my now 8 year old, the doctor would not give me the pill without my mums consent, ive been a good mommy too ive had all the energy to run around and play with him, sometimes being a good mum can be a good thing, im now 24 with another lovely son and im pregnant and id never take my kids back ever
I don't know what to think really. I watched the film 'Juno' last night and that made me think about how we all make mistakes, might just be bad luck.
By the same token I have heard schoolgirls on my bus (I live in a LA estate) saying that when they get pregnant they will get their own flat and income support, and I pray to goodness they aren't serious.
I guess everyone is different, same as everyone on here is different. Without speaking to the girl I wouldn't profess to know if its right for her or not. Whether its right for society depends on how she deals with it.
Ridiculous. Gillick competence makes it clear that minors (under 16) can be prescribed contraception without parental consent (provided you understand what you're consenting too).
I would be furious if my daughter was refused contraception (even though she shouldn't be having sex under age - and I hope she wont - at least being mature enough to get contraception is a good thing).
Im glad I had my baby at 20..i was 19 when fell pregnant..yes we were all shocked but it soon blew over..i had my part time job at a shoe shop that i worked at til 31 weeks when i decided to go on maternity leave (when heavily pregnant not ideal to be working in a shop where u have to go up ladders etc) my partner (now hubby) was working....we got a lot of things giving to us that were either new or hardly used and i bought things for baby a bit at a time!!! we got so much love and support when he was born it was unreal and hubby went back to work after 2 weeks paternity..we were still living wtih my mum and we only got a council flat when our son just turned 1 and we snapped it up and we got married last yer and a proper family..and i now face the possibility that i might not be able to have any more kids to looking back , it was perfect to have my boy when i did!! that could be the same situation for anyone really ..if you have a chance to have a child and your comfortable financially and in a loving environment id say go for it because you certainly dont no what mother nature has around the corner!
People on sites such as this seem to vilify people who choose another option. An alternative to ruining their life, a child's life and living on state benefits.
Unplanned pregnancies will probably always happen in this age group and will I'm not promoting abortion or adoption, they are options with at least some damage limitation.
the young mum has all the years ahead of her to give back what she may have had in benefits for a few years. her life is just begining.
I have to admit I haven't read through the whole thread but although there are ALWAYS exceptions to every rule and opinion, the amount of young girls having babies is getting ridiculous.
When I was 14 (and I am only 23 so not ancient lol) if anyone at school got pregnant it was seen as a 'big thing' and something everyone was scared of happening to them! Even when I was 16 and lost my virginity I would panic if I was a day late in case a condom had split without me realising lol! However now it seen as almost fashionable by a lot of people to have a baby young! There is so much help and support available to teenage mums that maybe some aren't taking as much care to avoid it and I know of girls younger than 14 actively trying to get pregnant.
Although not disputing the excellent way some teenage mums cope, realistically it isn't going to be the best option to have a baby before you are old enough to have a job, get your own house and provide for your baby yourself. I struggle enough with money and stress at 23, with a baby that was planned and with being engaged to my partner, both of us working. It's not only the money, relationships are rarely stable at 14 years old and pregnancy/having a young baby can be lonely and depressing without the right support (I feel this even when my partner works long shifts).
It isn't sex education that young girls need, most kids know how babies are made by the time they are about 9 lol, even the little robot dolls they get in some schools don't really help - girls know they have to wake up in the night etc and will happily shrug this off. What they need is someone to tell them what NO ONE tells girls before they get pregnant - the way they will put on weight/get stretchmarks etc that take forever to get rid of, how boring and lonely it is being pregnant (before you even have your baby) whilst all your friends go out, the way no decent clothes will fit you, constant tiredness... Although my little boy is worth all this now, pregnancy was one of the lowest times of my life, I know there is no way I could of gone through it that young and would perhaps have waited until I was even older than 23 with hindsight
I think a hostal would be better for these girls at least until they are 18, if they can't stay at the family home.
They could be made to complete their education, take parenting classes and look after their child properly. There could be rules and curfews meaning they could not bring round a string of boyfriends. There would be no need for much in the way of benefits, so they could be given only a very basic amount of pocket money.
The amount of things people under 18 are not allowed to do and then the fact that they are allowed sole charge of a young life- is appalling.
That's far more important than being allowed to vote, etc!
Why do you think that is the age set to do a lot of things? And for lots of jobs, etc, its 21!
Do you think that its unnecessary and 14-year-olds should be allowed to drink, smoke, have sex, do what they like?