text:
When preparing a promotion file for an individual on the Administrative Professional Ladder, it is important to remember that there is tremendous diversity in the responsibilities and duties of AP's throughout the Institution. Because of that diversity, it is also important to remember that the individuals reading and evaluating the file (at least 9, not counting the immediate supervisor and the references) may very well not be involved in similar activities and therefore may not be aware of or familiar with the work being performed and its complexity and value to the departmental unit. As a consequence, the employee's statement of accomplishments and goals needs to be thorough, clear and understandable to a wide range of individuals. In addition, given the nature of this particular career path, accuracy in spelling, punctuation, and grammar is critical. Depending upon the type of work the individual does, documentation or objective evidence can take several forms, but should be tied to specific dimensions within the Compensable Factor Matrix.
These guidelines are provided to assist the supervisor and the candidate in preparing the file for presentation to APEC for its recommendation. Following APEC's deliberations, a recommendation is forwarded to the appropriate Vice President for action. Any questions may be directed to any member of APEC or the Human Resources Office.
1) The employee and/or supervisor initiate discussion on employee's potential for promotion.
2) If agreed to by both parties, the supervisor goes over these "Promotion Procedure Guidelines" with the employee and assigns the following to the employee:
3) The supervisor is responsible for setting deadlines with the employee and both should decide upon the APEC date that they are targeting for the file submission. The supervisor is also responsible for assisting the employee in the preparation of this file. (The degree of the employee's independence and initiative for file preparation should be greater as the employee moves to higher levels on the ladder.)
4) The supervisor should indicate to the employee the particular weighting of the various Compensable Factors in relation to the specific job requirements and responsibilities.
5) The Employee then schedules a meeting with the supervisor to go over the Matrix check-off and reviews with the supervisor the appropriateness of the ratings. Supervisor should carefully review the matrix and counsel employee on the applicability of the various Compensable Factors and what objective and substantive evidence might be appropriate to demonstrate the level chosen. The supervisor and employee decide on the list of factors in order of priority and importance to the position. (Note: it is not necessary to comment on all the factors but at least 75% of the Matrix should be utilized.) The supervisor will also review the work completed to date and make appropriate suggestions for improvement. At this meeting they should also discuss the list of references to be contacted.
6) The supervisor then directs the employee to work on the following for the file:
7) Employee and supervisor review the final draft of the Employee Statement and the Table of Compensable Factors. The following should be complete at this time:
8) The supervisor contacts each referee (3-5 should be asked in case one or more is not able to provide a reference), asks for a letter, e-mail, or a transcribed verbal statement evaluating the promotion, explains to the referees why they were chosen, and provides them with:
The referee should be directed to address his/her statement to the department head and to send the statement directly to the supervisor by a certain date. The supervisor will then add the reference to the file.
9) Employee and supervisor review the following and assemble the file in this order:
9) Supervisor gives the file to the department head for his/her letter recommending the promotion. (NOTE: if the supervisor is the department head - only one letter is required.) The department head should address this letter to APEC and the appropriate Vice President. With the addition of the letter from the department head placed in front of the file, the promotion file is complete and is sent to the APEC Facilitator (Assistant Human Resources Manager) to be distributed to APEC.
11) APEC will then notify the supervisor of the date and time to present the employee's file to APEC. The department head is encouraged to attend the APEC meeting as well as the supervisor and may speak on behalf of the candidate at their option. APEC will address any questions or issues to the supervisor after the presentation of the file. Finally, APEC will vote on the promotion decision. The discussions during the APEC meeting are considered confidential and are not to be shared with anyone.
Copyright ©2008 Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, All Rights Reserved, Privacy Policy.


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Originally published by Joe Giambrone, American author, filmmaker, at Political Film Blog on 1/11/14
"FUD (Fear Uncertainty Doubt) is generally a strategic attempt to influence perception by disseminating negative and dubious or false information."
I gave up knocking heads with disinfobots concerning the 9/11 attacks back in 2009. It was after I read this, and it finally appeared hopeless. Barack Obama, the stuffed suit who could speak for hours and say exactly nothing, would continue the September 11th cover-up. The 9/11 Commission, which the two chairmen admitted was "set up to fail," and was largely based on testimony extracted through torture in secret dungeons, was to be taken at face value by Obama's Administration. Obama also went to great lengths to protect the CIA torturers and to persecute CIA whistleblowers like John Kiriakou.
It was by then a nightmarish media environment. Most so-called "alternative" press wouldn't listen to actual, substantial complaints with corroborated evidence of government malfeasance and lying about 9/11. Accusing the government of criminal activity made one a "conspiracy theorist" by definition, even if the crimes were true. "Conspiracy theorist" describes every police investigator in the world; that's what they do. Intelligent writers who pushed to discredit the government's treasonous 9/11 cover-up were ignored.
"Treason against the United States shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort."
-US Constitution
The Bush White House committed Treason… Continue reading
Originally published at WIRED by John Borland on 12/29/13
HAMBURG – A new foundation to support whistleblowers is being launched by former British intelligence agent Annie Machon, whose resignation and revelations about U.K. spying activities in the 1990s sparked controversy echoing this year's NSA news.
Speaking at the Chaos Communication Congress (CCC) here, Machon said the foundation would be called the Courage Fund to Protect Journalistic Sources.
"Crucially, we want to encourage other whistleblowers to come forward," she said. "It is a very frightening and lonely process to go through. We need to show that they can not only survive the process, but even flourish."
Machon's experience in the 1990s in some senses prefigured what sources such as Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning are going through today.
An intelligence officer with the British MI5 service for six years, she and her partner resigned in 1997 and made public a number of allegations about secret and potentially criminal activities.
Among these, they alleged that intelligence services had been keeping secret files on government ministers, had illegally tapped phones, had failed to stop Irish Republican Army bombs and subsequently lied about their actions, that people known to be innocent had been convicted of bombing crimes, and – most explosively – that MI6 had sought to have Libya's Muammar Gaddafi assassinated.
She and her partner were forced on the run in Europe for the next year, and her partner ultimately went to prison twice for… Continue reading
Originally published by The NY Post on 12/19/13
A U.S. appeals court on Thursday revived claims by families of victims of the September 11, 2001, attacks who alleged that Saudi Arabia provided material support to al Qaeda.
Reversing a lower court ruling, the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New York said "the interests of justice" justified reviving the claims, in light of a 2011 decision that allowed similar claims to proceed against Afghanistan.
Circuit Judge Chester Straub wrote for a three-judge panel that it would be "especially anomalous" to treat both sets of plaintiffs differently. He returned the case to U.S. District Judge George Daniels in Manhattan for further proceedings.
The litigation was brought on behalf of families of the nearly 3,000 people killed in the September 11 attacks, as well as insurers that covered losses suffered by building owners and businesses.
Most of the attackers were Saudi nationals who hijacked planes and flew them into the World Trade Center in New York City, the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., and – when passengers revolted – into a field in Pennsylvania.
"This opinion is eminently correct and will give 9/11 victims their day in court," said Stephen Cozen, a partner at Cozen O'Connor representing the plaintiffs. "The parties will start over, and we are very, very satisfied that we will meet any defenses, both legal and factual, that are raised."
Cozen said damages could reach tens of billions of dollars.
Michael Kellogg, a partner at Kellogg, Huber, Hansen, Todd,… Continue reading
Originally published at whowhatwhy.com by Russ Baker on 12/19/13
President Obama is apparently thinking about his presidential library. So now might be a good time to ponder whether anyone will want to visit it.
If he cared about revivifying his brief reputation as a good-guy outsider ready to shine light on the hidden recesses of our governing apparatus (remember his election-night victory speech that brought tears and rare hope to America?), Obama could certainly start at this late date by taking a stand for transparency.
Here's how: Two Congressmen, a Democrat and a Republican, are asking Obama to declassify the congressional report on 9/11, which the Bush administration heavily redacted.
The two members of the House of Representatives have read the blacked-out portions, including 28 totally blank pages that deal largely with Saudi government ties to the alleged 9/11 hijackers.
This is apparently major connect-the-dots stuff—much more significant than what one may remember from Michael Moore's film Fahrenheit 911, about Saudi royals and other Saudis studying and living in the US, who were allowed to go home without being interviewed in the aftermath of the attacks. This is about actual financial and logistical support of terrorism against the United States—by its ally, the Saudi government.
As a Hoover Institution media scholar wrote in the New York Post (normally no bastion of deep investigative inquiry):
The Saudis deny any role in 9/11, but the CIA in one memo reportedly found "incontrovertible evidence" that Saudi government… Continue reading
Originally published at the NYPost by Paul Sperry on 12/15/13
After the 9/11 attacks, the public was told al Qaeda acted alone, with no state sponsors.
But the White House never let it see an entire section of Congress' investigative report on 9/11 dealing with "specific sources of foreign support" for the 19 hijackers, 15 of whom were Saudi nationals.
It was kept secret and remains so today.
President Bush inexplicably censored 28 full pages of the 800-page report. Text isn't just blacked-out here and there in this critical-yet-missing middle section. The pages are completely blank, except for dotted lines where an estimated 7,200 words once stood (this story by comparison is about 1,000 words).
A pair of lawmakers who recently read the redacted portion say they are "absolutely shocked" at the level of foreign state involvement in the attacks.
Reps. Walter Jones (R-NC) and Stephen Lynch (D-Mass.) can't reveal the nation identified by it without violating federal law. So they've proposed Congress pass a resolution asking President Obama to declassify the entire 2002 report, "Joint Inquiry Into Intelligence Community Activities Before and After the Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001."
Some information already has leaked from the classified section, which is based on both CIA and FBI documents, and it points back to Saudi Arabia, a presumed ally.
The Saudis deny any role in 9/11, but the CIA in one memo reportedly found "incontrovertible evidence" that Saudi government officials — not just wealthy Saudi hardliners, but high-level diplomats and… Continue reading
Originally published at Daily Censored by Kristina Borjesson on 12/11/13
The Warm-Up
It began with an email on October 24, 2013 to Tom Stalcup, Ph.D., Co-Producer and Senior Science Advisor for the new documentary, "TWA Flight 800." New York Magazine intern Claire McCartney wrote that editor Geoffrey Gray wanted to talk to Stalcup and to "get in contact" with Kristina Borjesson, the film's Producer/Director.
In his first phone conversation with Stalcup, Gray jokingly identified himself as being with the National Transportation Safety Board. He congratulated Stalcup on his success and suggested he write a book. Stalcup asked if Gray had seen the documentary. Gray hadn't, but promised to talk again after watching it.
Gray portrayed himself as an honest investigative journalist, saying that investigations like Stalcup's into TWA 800 are his life and that he has conducted many of them and knows what it's like. He gave Stalcup the impression that he was working on a serious article for New York Magazine. Stalcup provided Gray with verified, factual information, free of any speculation or theorizing.
When Gray called film director Borjesson, she asked Gray about the context of his article so that she could better answer his questions. Gray said it was for an issue on conspiracy theories. Borjesson responded that she and her investigative team wanted nothing to do with that because the first-hand sources (members of the original official investigation who had actually handled the wreckage and evidence), hard forensic evidence and eyewitnesses presented in the "TWA Flight… Continue reading
Originally published at the Nation by Katherine Hawkins on 11/7/13
Over four years after President Obama promised to "look forward, not backward" regarding the CIA's brutal treatment of captives under the Bush administration, the issue has not gone away. The torture debate may fade from the headlines for weeks or months at a time, but it al
ways come back. Last year the trigger was the release of Zero Dark Thirty. A few weeks ago, it was Abu Anas al-Libi's capture, shipboard interrogation and transfer to the United States for trial. Later this year, the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence (SSCI) will vote on whether to begin declassification of its 6,000-page report on the CIA's detention and interrogation of terrorism suspects.
Often, debates about torture focuses on whether it leads to high-profile counterterrorism successes: the killing of Osama bin Laden, the capture of high-level suspects like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the disruption of terrorist plots against Los Angeles or London. The public evidence suggests—and according to Democratic senators, the SSCI report will definitively prove—that defenders of "enhanced interrogation" have greatly exaggerated the role that torture played in these events.
In all the debates about whether torture "worked," though, there is another part of the record that is almost always forgotten: the attacks that torture did not prevent. There are no documented cases of "ticking time bombs" being defused by torture. But there are Al Qaeda plots that were not stopped,… Continue reading
Originally published at Aljazeera America by Jason Leopold on 10/30/13
The National Security Agency advised its officials to cite the 9/11 attacks as justification for its mass surveillance activities, according to a master list of NSA talking points.
The document, obtained by Al Jazeera through a Freedom of Information Act request, contains talking points and suggested statements for NSA officials (PDF) responding to the fallout from media revelations that originated with former NSA contractor Edward Snowden.
Invoking the events of 9/11 to justify the controversial NSA programs, which have caused major diplomatic fallout around the world, was the top item on the talking points that agency officials were encouraged to use.
Under the subheading "Sound Bites That Resonate," the document suggests the statement "I much prefer to be here today explaining these programs, than explaining another 9/11 event that we were not able to prevent."
NSA head Gen. Keith Alexander used a slightly different version of that statement when he testified before Congress on June 18 in defense of the agency's surveillance programs.
Asked to comment on the document, NSA media representative Vanee M. Vines pointed Al Jazeera to Alexander's congressional testimony on Tuesday, and said the agency had no further comment. In keeping with the themes listed in the talking points, the NSA head told legislators that "it is much more important for this country that we defend this nation and take the beatings than it is… Continue reading
Originally published at Common Dreams on 10/29/13
Despite being heralded as the first time in history that U.S. lawmakers would hear directly from the survivors of a U.S. drone strike, only five elected officials chose to attend the congressional briefing that took place Tuesday.
Pakistani schoolteacher Rafiq ur Rehman and his two children—9 year-old daughter Nabila and 13 year-old son Zubair—came to Washington, DC to give their account of a U.S. drone attack that killed Rafiq's mother, Momina Bibi, and injured the two children in the remote tribal region of North Waziristan last October.
According to journalist Anjali Kamat, who was present and tweeting live during the hearing, the only lawmakers to attend the briefing organized by Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.), were Rep. John Conyers (D-Mich.), Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill.), Rep. Rush Holt (D-NJ) and Rep. Rick Nolan (D-Minn.).
Before the handful of reporters and scant lawmakers, however, Rafiq and his children gave dramatic testimony which reportedly caused the translator to break down into tears.
In her testimony, Nabila shared that she was picking okra with her grandmother when the U.S. missile struck and both children described how they used to play outside but are now too afraid.
"I no longer love blue skies. In fact, I now prefer… Continue reading
Originally published at MadCow Morning News by intrepid investigative journalist Daniel Hopsiker on 9/12/13
If the Bush Administration lied to justify waging a war against Iraq, what truths still lie buried beneath the official explanation for what happened on September 11 2001?
Before discussion about 9/11 was squeezed—in a pincer movement worthy of Hitler's Panzer divisions—between the so-called "official story" and the subsequent campaign of disinformation that gave conspiracy a bad name, there were some promising avenues of investigation where definitive answers might still be possible.
Here are a few that remain at the top of my list. There are many others.
On the 12th anniversary of the Sept 11 attack there has still been no official investigation into the murders of almost 3000 people that day. The Joint Congressional Intelligence Committee investigation, which met in secret, delivered a report famously containing 28 blank pages.
And anyone looking to the 9/11 Commission for answers had already been disillusioned, even before they issued "findings," because they were charged only with identifying what might have been done differently to prevent a future attack.
The FBI's ballyhooed 4000-man "largest investigation in history" lasted just a little more than three weeks, until someone—we still don't know who—mailed letters sprinkled with anthrax, changing the focus of the FBI investigation.
Days later, in an order describing the investigation of the terrorist hijackings as "the most exhaustive in its history," FBI Agents were ordered to curtail their investigation of the Sept. 11 attack. Officials said Robert Mueller, newly-sworn in… Continue reading
Originally published at Salon by Tim Shorrock on 5/7/07
If you go by the book jacket of his new memoir, "At the Center of the Storm," George Tenet is enjoying the life of a retired government servant teaching at Georgetown University, where he was appointed to the faculty in 2004. The former CIA director played up the academic image when he kicked off the recent media blitz for his new book by doing an interview for CBS's "60 Minutes" from his spacious, book-lined office at the university. His academic salary, and the reported $4 million advance he received from publisher HarperCollins, should provide the former CIA director with more than enough money to live comfortably for the rest of his days and leave a substantial fortune to his children.
But those monies are hardly Tenet's entire income. While the swirl of publicity around his book has focused on his long debated role in allowing flawed intelligence to launch the war in Iraq, nobody is talking about his lucrative connection to that conflict ever since he resigned from the CIA in June 2004. In fact, Tenet has been earning substantial income by working for corporations that provide the U.S. government with technology, equipment and personnel used for the war in Iraq as well as the broader war on terror.
When Tenet… Continue reading
Investigating the Saudi Government's 9/11 Connection and the Path to Disilliusionment – Sen. Graham on Reality Asserts Itself, Part 1
On "Reality Asserts Itself" with Paul Jay, Senator Bob Graham explains why he persists in making the case that facts directly connect the Saudi government with 9/11 conspirators.
911Truth.org will be pleased to publish Part 2 as soon as it becomes available from The Real News. We appreciate Senator Bob Graham's courage, persistence and forthright (genuine) patriotism, as well as and Paul Jay and TheRealNews for making this important interview available.
Former U.S. Senator Bob Graham says greater awareness of Saudi Arabia as "essentially a co-conspirator in 9/11…would change the way in which, particularly in the current milieu of events in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia is being viewed" by the U.S. public.
Saudi Arabia, an historic ally of the U.S., had put significant pressure on the Obama administration in recent months to militarily intervene in Syria, and had also attempted to derail recent U.S.-Iran rapprochement.
Senator Graham co-chaired the Congressional Joint Inquiry into 9/11 that investigated intelligence failures leading up to 9/11. The inquiry's final report included a 28-page chapter describing the Saudi connection to 9/11, but it was completely redacted by U.S. intelligence agencies.
"I was stunned that the intelligence community would feel that it was a threat to national security for the American people to know who had made 9/11 financially possible," said Senator Graham. "And I am sad to report that today, some 12… Continue reading
By Elizabeth Woodworth
With polls consistently showing that approximately 50% of Canadians and Americans doubt the official story of 9/11, the feat of keeping the lid on a public debate for over 12 years has been nothing short of miraculous.
This article presents a simple case study showing that this miracle is being performed with the assistance of Google and YouTube search engine interference.
On September 8, 2013, the popular Russia Today "Truthseeker" program, with over a million subscribers on YouTube,[1] published a 13-minute newscast entitled "The Truthseeker: 9/11 and Operation Gladio (E23)."
Below the video frame ran the caption:
Bigger than Watergate': US 'regular' meetings with Al-Qaeda's leader; documented White House 'false flag terrorism' moving people 'like sheep'; the father of Twin Towers victim tell us why he backs this month's 9/11 campaign on Times Square and around the world; & the protests calendar for September.
This paragraph was followed by a list of interviewees, including four people representing three scholarly research organizations: Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth,[2] the 9/11 Consensus Panel,[3] and The Journal of 9/11 Studies.[4]
The "Truthseeker" video immediately started to gain popularity on YouTube, reaching 131,000 views in the first three days.[5](The history of the viewing statistics may be seen by clicking on the little graphic symbol under the video frame, and to the right)
Truthseeker posted its program to YouTube on Sept. 8. Russia Today tweeted the YouTube link to its 546,000 followers and to the… Continue reading
Posted Sep 19, 2013 by Ralph Lopez
The FBI is instructing local police departments and "communities against terrorism" to consider anyone who harbors "conspiracy theories" about 9/11 to be a potential terrorist, in a circular released to local police departments.
The memo thus adds 9/11-official-story skeptics to a growing list of targets described by federal law enforcement to be security threats, such as those who express "libertarian philosophies," "Second Amendment-oriented views," interest in "self-sufficiency," "fears of Big Brother or big government," and "Declarations of Constitutional rights and civil liberties."
A newly released national poll shows that 48 percent of Americans either have some doubts about the official account of 9/11, or do not believe it at all.
The FBI circular entitled "Potential Indicators of Terrorist Activities Related to Sleepers" says that people who should be 'considered suspicious' of possible involvement in "terrorist activity" include those who hold the "attitude" described as " Conspiracy theories about Westerners." The circular continues: "e.g. (sic) the CIA arranged for 9/11 to legitimize the invasion of foreign lands."
"Sleepers" refers to "sleeper cells," in FBI jargon, which are terrorists awaiting orders to be activated into terrorist activity.
In 1998 it was declassified by the Pentagon that the Joint Chiefs of… Continue reading
NEW YORK, Sept. 10, 2013 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — As the 12th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks approaches, 12 former CIA, FBI, NSA, and US military officials — including Time Magazine's 2002 person of the year, Colleen Rowley, and former CIA analyst Ray McGovern, who provided the daily brief for three presidents — say in an open letter to President Obama that the charge that President Assad used chemical weapons on August 21st is based on false intelligence.
If this charge is false, and leads to war in Syria, it would not be the first time US leaders have misled their public into going to war. Robert McNamara, Secretary of Defense during the Vietnam War, admitted in 2003 that America went to war in Vietnam on the false intelligence that North Vietnam had attacked a US destroyer in the Gulf of Tonkin.
The 9/11 Consensus Panel was formed to deal with another notorious fraudulent pretext for war, the attacks of September 11, 2001, that triggered the "war on terror" and the ongoing military actions in the Middle East.
The professional 24-member Panel was formed in 2011 to show the public that behind the horrific images of planes crashing into the Towers lies a wealth of slowly emerging evidence that 9/11 was a false flag operation.
Using a standard medical review model, the Panel has thus far produced 37 Consensus Points refuting the official story, five of which are released today.
For example, the National Institute of Standards and Technology's report on the… Continue reading
Did you know that a 3rd building fell on 9-11? That bill board is today over Times Square. It was placed there through donations to a campaign called Rethink 9/11.
In fact, that group has placed posters and signs across the world, from Australia, to Canada, from San Francisco to right here in New York City.
So what is Rethink 9/11? Wouldn't only a fringe group of people would still question 9/11? Perhaps not, because today we will tell you about new polling that shows a majority of those polled either question the official 9/11 story or don't believe it at all. Is that possible?
The first step toward truth, is to be informed.
Here in New York City, today at the site of the 9/11 Memorial, promises to never forget what happened the morning of September 11th, 2001. But never forgetting doesn't mean that you don't rethink what you have been told.
Rethink 911 is the first ever global 9/11 anniversary campaign. Sponsored by a coalition of more than 40 organizations, ReThink911 is placing ads in 11 major cities around the world this September 2013.
But what is there to rethink? According to a group called Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth, you need to start by rethinking the third building that fell that day.
Building 7, behind me. That rectangular building is the new building 7. It stands a little smaller but in the same place where the original World Trade Center 7 once stood.
To… Continue reading
"9/11: Ignoring the Evidence is No Longer an Option"
Join ReThink911′s main event in Times Square this September 11, 2013 right below our Times Square billboard at 5:20pm (47th street and 7th avenue). Special guests include Former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, Dr. William Pepper, Bob McIlvaine, Reverend Frank Morales, Richard Gage, AIA. More VIP guests to be announced. Be there!
Do not miss this historic day of events.
Richard Gage, AIA and the ReThink911 campaign are bringing the message straight to New York's political leaders and national media outlets with an all-day tour culminating in a rally at ReThink911's towering Times Square billboard at 5:20pm—exactly 12 years to the minute since Building 7 fell.
Join us on this whirlwind tour as we deliver AE911Truth petitions and ReThink911 VIP Packs, request on-the-spot interviews, and conduct our own interviews of the media establishment that continues to ignore the evidence. Then we complete this thrilling day of anniversary activities with a rally to include esteemed speakers Former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, William Pepper, Bob McIlvaine, Frank Morales, Richard Gage, and other VIP speakers to be announced.
ReThink911 all-day rally starts at 8:00AM at Ground Zero.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Phew... Thank goodness it's almost over...
All in all, I did pretty good today. I actually like not celebrating the anniversary because it joins my mind and heart a little more. If I haven't said before, I feel like my mind says, "Shame on you for staying with him after he betrayed you in the worst way!" but my heart says, "You love him and you know he loves you...why turn away from that?" I really think this not being married thing (legally we still are) is really what is working for me...
It's doesn't work for everyone though - my husband grandmother sent a text today to wish us a Happy Anniversary. I responded politely saying that we don't celebrate it anymore because "broken vows = broken marriage = no anniversary" She wrote back and said that it's a celebration of us finding each other. Can't agree with that because that would be in November then...which is when we met.
In my opinion, anniversaries are a celebration of the day that you stood before God and made a promise to be with one another (and only one another) for as long as you both shall live. Now, that promise was broken by him...so that day is basically a lie and is dissolved. All the meaning of that day has been taken away from me because he did not live up to his vows.
I mean it's fine with me not having the anniversary - I would rather just throw the wedding photos away too. They mean nothing now...it used to mean a lot to me... it was one of the most special days of my life - and now, it's just blah.
Oh and I forgot to mention that my husband's grandmother started on her spiel about forgiveness... this has nothing to do with forgiveness - it has to do with the fact that the day is not special anymore - I mean what if I forgive him - does that make the vows sacred again? Not really...I mean they were still broken. I just don't get it...
Okay, so I want to know - how many of you would still celebrate your anniversary and why?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Celebrate Anniversary after Affair?
Phew... Thank goodness it's almost over...
37 comments:
I understand where you are coming from. When I see articles in the paper of people celebrating their 25th, 40th, or 50th, I wonder if someone cheated in that relationship.ReplyDelete
As for me, I couldn't really celebrate our 20th. I didn't buy him anything. I did write a list of 20 things I've loved about my life with him. I don't think I could do that today -- feeling angry again.
I am ambivalent about the anniversary now. It doesn't break my heart, and I can be proud that I've abided by my vows. I hate to think of what he did though. What an ass!
I bet something catastrophic happens in those marriages that have lasted so long ... it's just that one of them decides to swallow their pride and keep going. My husband's grandfather cheated repeatedly on his grandmother and she basically turned her head. She is proud that she was married for 50+ years but I don't know...How proud can you be of a marriage with broken vows? I would much rather be proud of a marriage that survived 50 years while others crumble.ReplyDeleteReplies
BINGO! Right on the button. I just choked it down and went about living my life, with her (the cheater). Our 40th is this upcoming Jan1, 2013. I already threw away my "wedding" ring (she doesn't know that, thinks it just got "lost"), and I get her a card and take her to dinner, not to celebrate the anniversary, but simply to keep the peace. If in her mind we're celebrating, fine with me. I'm simply avoiding another rage attack.Delete
- AnonymousAugust 18, 2011 at 11:00 PM
I feel the exact same way you do! Vows were broken...so therefore... There is nothing to celebrate because the marriage ended as soon as those broken vows, broken promises, and lies were chosen. 2 became one flesh... And man tore flesh apart how do you celebrate that??? I don't!!!!!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2012 at 4:11 AM
I am really glad I found this, because I thought I was a freak for staying with him and for not wanting to celebrate the anniversary date. We have a son together who is almost 13. My husband and I, for the most part, are civil. I can't stand the thought of celebrating my once special day either. I will probably divorce him though once my son is 18 unless my husband is dead first, as he is 14 years older than me.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousOctober 7, 2012 at 2:57 PM
I have an enormous wedding and it is noticeably off my finger. He wears his but I refuse to since our marriage was a shame. He hates it but too f-ing bad. I will NEVER celebrate the day we were married again. We would have had our twentieth coming up in March. He was such a good and wonderful husband all those years, I never had the slightest idea. I die every day. It will be two years in March that I found out he has been cheating since we were married three months. It's a long story and I should probably have my own page but bottom line is he has been "clean" since March 27, 2011 and I agreed to stay with him but I am still dead inside.ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousOctober 13, 2012 at 1:49 PM
I just did NOT celebrate my 8 year wedding anniversary, I caught him 2 months before...my wedding vows seem so hollow now...like they meant nothing at all. He is still here and says his one night stand and subsequent 3 month long distance texting was nothing...like it wasn't real. I wish i felt as if it were not real.ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousApril 21, 2013 at 5:14 AM
Wow, your story could have been mine, except we have 15 years married (20 together). His was a two month sexting affair that started around Thanksgiving on Facebook, progressed to massive texting (sexting), and a one night (actually an afternoon) affair on December 14th of 2012. It only stopped when I happened to look over his shoulder on Facebook on the night of January 25th, 2013, and caught them right in the middle of sending filthy messages. He also said it meant nothing, he was just "in a fog". I feel the same as everyone here-the vows now mean absolutely nothing, the day is no longer special and today, April 21st is our anniversary. I have no desire to even acknowledge the day, it's just one more day of pain for me in a long, ongoing succession of them. I don't think I will even want to celebrate Christmas either. They were carrying on all through the holidays-Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's. Does this pain never end?Delete
Ouch! I think I can relate to that. After I've found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, I still can't forgive him about that. But I've read somewhere, be mad at the sin not with that person. Everybody deserves a second chance. Although the thought of him doing it again still cross my mind, I'd rather let it pass coz I'll be the one in pain again. So far, I've seen changes, better changes and I like it. So the second chance I gave him is worth it. so last anniversary, I send him the sweetest wedding anniversary messages I could ever tell him and make him love me more. That's only my opinion. Peace.ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousAugust 17, 2013 at 2:20 PM
My husband cheated on me and I forgave him within two days of finding out. WHY YOU ASK? Because forgiving him was giving me my life back. It helps me not to be vengeful or retaliate in any way. I forgave him for MY peace of mind so that I would not become so wrapped up in his betrayal. I did not want to have a heavy heart all the time, nor did I want to feel hateful all the time, and I certainly did not want to be suspicious all the time. You bet your boots I do question everything he does, I watch him constantly without him knowing. Why because I do not want to be humiliated, played, lied to, talked about with his lover, pay their fun time bills, or any other feelings that one has when a spouse cheats. Forgive him for YOU not for himDelete
- AnonymousJune 19, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Bravo! These women on here should take your advice you seem far from the pain than they are. you did it for u.!! The most important person. Bravo. Even if u catch him again at least you gave him a chance. If u never catch him enjoy the rest of your married life, bravoDelete
- AnonymousSeptember 7, 2014 at 3:53 PM
My husband cheated on me with an ex coworker. I had no clue. Texting/sexting thru words with friends. The thing is he did it while we were dating and I forgave him. Multiple times. We have four kids together and didnt get married until I was pregnant with the forth. We are coming up on our three year wedding anniversary just weeks after discovering his sexting relationship with a former co worker which has been going on for "about a year" according to him. Based on what I read i have doubts that it was only online. He admitted to meeting her in a parking lot to watch her masturbate but says he chickened out. Im sick and disgusted and hurt and angry. How can I possibly celebrate an anniversary when hes lied so much and completely broken me. I want to be who I was before this happened...happy.Delete
- AnonymousMay 8, 2013 at 6:04 AM
Hi , i'm in the same boat and having a tough time of it at the moment - we got married 4 years ago tomorrow and now have a 3yr old ,2yr old and a 1 yr old , , 5 weeks ago my wife got drunk and had sex with my best mate on my couch when me and the kids were asleeep upstairs - i still love her and really want to try and make it work , she's mortified and very sorry etc etc ,but i am struggling with the same emotions about aaour wedding dsy ... i just don't know what to do tomorrow , do i give her a card ? a gift ? i don't think i want to - in my mind everything she said on our wedding day means nothing to me now - don't get me wrong , i want to get over this but i just don't know if that's going to be possible .... help !ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousJuly 31, 2013 at 9:04 AM
I found out my wide if six years had cheated on me with her bf and had sex with him once at least that's what she says. My anniversary is coming and I don't think I could celebrate that day anymore. She seems like she's trying but you know after an affair everything seems like lies and you are always double guessing.Delete
- AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 6:08 AM
I feel for you.I just came across this what did you do in the end?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMay 20, 2013 at 4:14 PM
struggled on for the sake of the kids , it's been 2 months now and i've just booked an appointment with the doc re:my mental state ...it's just a heartbreaking disaster of catastrophic proportions :(ReplyDelete
thanks for noticing my pain
- AnonymousAugust 17, 2013 at 2:39 PM
My husband works in ag at a dock and works late hours, but the hours became later and later. I thought that in the ten years he worked there they had never worked that late. One night while waiting up for him I decided that I would leave and go get a motel room and when he got home and I wasn't there he would feel how I felt. I chose three places to stay in a nearby town but when I got to each of them they were all booked up. (I know it sounds phony but its not) I have Congestive Heart Failure and had forgotten my blood thinners so I decided to go back to my city and stay at a Super 8 motel we have there. Got the room, was looking for a place to park ( the place was unusually full) finally found one and proceeded to get my stuff out of my trunk. I turned to go and find my room and noticed a truck that was very familiar. I thought to myself "Naw no way would HE cheat". I walked towards the truck and looked in the drivers side window and noticed the cross I had given him hanging from the rear view mirror. I started to shake uncontrollably and tried to call/text him but he wouldn't answer. Went back to the check in desk told the guy I had not even entered the room and that my husband blah blah. Only I did not sound coherent because I was in shock. The guy knew immediately what had happened refunded my money and said he was sorry. Upon turning around to get in my car to leave I tripped and fell on a long parking cement bar and really hurt myself. To this day I do not know how I got home. Whats streets I took. Within minutes of reaching my home my husband was there and I started screaming at him and told him to leave. Men are so stupid! The next day he came back and was telling me things his lover and he had talked about and some of it included me. I found it odd that he would talk to me like I was a coworker or something. I truly believe my husband had a breakdown of some sort because shortly before this affair something really bad happened at work and his work record was spotless but this incident rocked him. It is not an excuse to have an affair but I forgave him because I love him and I forgave him for me. Forgiving someone is not always about them it is about you! My final thought is our wedding anniversary is 8-19 do we celebrate or what?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 31, 2013 at 3:58 PM
It's not about forgiveness....it's about broken trust. Our marriage and sex life were great before this....I never saw it coming. Even though I've forgiven him, it doesn't take the pain or doubt away. I believe forgiveness is the "Christian thing to do" , but I also feel that God gives us memory for a reason.ReplyDelete
I am dreading our anniversary....it would have been our 5th. It's a few months away and I cringe when I think about it. I don't think I even want to see him on that day. It just reminds me of how casual and easy it was to break our vows....how little they meant. Why would I want to celebrate now?
I've agreed to work on and try to salvage our marriage, but honestly I have good days and bad days. Thinking about our upcoming anniversary stirs up so much disappointment in my heart...that I want to call up a lawyer. Do I really want to be in a marriage if I can't celebrate our anniversary? Not what I dreamed of.....no fairy tale, thats for sure. Will I feel this anxiety and sadness every year??? Does it ever get better?
- AnonymousSeptember 7, 2013 at 10:00 PM
It doesn't get better. I can't get over the pain,and he justs wants me to get over it and move forward. our anniversary (would have been 21 years), is in two weeks and I don't want to celebrate it either. We just got back together last October, he was living with her on our 20th anniversary. We are going to get in a big fight, but it just hurts too much, I can't deal with the broken vows, and then celebrate an anniversary every year. How can you celebrate something that hurts too much????ReplyDelete
My anniversary is next week. my d-day was on my birthday because he was out of town fucking his skank of the past 10+ yrs usually on my birthday...AND he was usually out of town fucking the same skank on our wedding anniversary as well. So WILL I choose to celebrate this day since he is now committed to "us" after I outed him? NO.FUCKING.WAY.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 26, 2014 at 9:42 AM
It's been 36 years since my wife's affair with a co-worker. (We had only been married a year.) It's still painful to me. We stayed together and had three great kids, but the marriage has never been exactly right. We have had a decent life, but it's not the life or marriage that I wanted. It's probably not what she wanted either. Who wants a marriage with adultery in it? We stopped celebrating wedding anniversaries long ago. The wedding means nothing to me. I don't feel like celebrating. I never will. I love her, but our marriage is damaged. I am damaged. The truth is that if I had it to do over again, I would have made different choices. My wife is not a terrible person. She is a good person in most ways. But she did this terrible thing that has made my life more painful and difficult than it needed to be. I wish I could find a way to get completely past it. I don't see that ever happening. Our marriage has survived the adultery. I have survived it. But I'm changed. I'm scarred. I won't ever be exactly right either.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 21, 2014 at 1:03 PM
I found out 6 months ago my husband had a 7 month affair. Not only that he left me for her but came back after 2 weeks due to my begging. We have been working on reconciliation, but you can't erase the mental images from your mind. I found out today that on our last anniversary (just 3 years) he spent his regular lunch time with her getting his daily blow job. This after every time I asked him he denied it. I spent the day out buying a gift for him telling him he was my best friend and the most amazing man I met. For her birthday a few days later he bought her a vibrator. He bought me crappy flowers All while his mom was up visiting. How do you ever look at that day the same way. It was the best day of my life marrying a good man, or so I thought. Now all I will ever see is her sucking his cock. I am so sick of all this.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 24, 2014 at 2:01 PM
Thank you so much for this! I truly thought I was the only one who felt this way. Today's my anniversary and I feel like my heart's being ripped out. I'll never feel this day is anything but a reminder of how stupid I am for ever being with him. I can't see celebrating when I feel nauseous from the pain. Thankfully, no one has bothered saying happy anniversary. Why would they? They know there's nothing but pain where so much love and hope used to be.ReplyDelete
I wish everyone here the love and happiness they deserve.
- AnonymousJune 25, 2014 at 8:15 AM
Omg I am happy to see that I am no in this boat alone! This was written a few years back and it's sad that the cycle just continues- I was confused on how to deal with this day but after reading this post....I must agree, the vows have been broken so there is not need to even acknowledge the day. My husband has not cheated...at least to my knowledge but there is a bunch of other things that he has no held up to. Situations such as these are very unfortunate and I'm just happy that I am at a point in my life...that I can hold my head high and continue to be the best mom to our son! Thanks againReplyDelete
- AnonymousJuly 11, 2014 at 5:00 PM
Yesterday was my anniversary. Our 16th. It is the second anniversary since d day. We have decided to call it an un-iversary! I did not want to celebrate on that day, but tonight we plan to go out and have some fun without our kids. No mention of anniversaries and alcohol should help. We have a civil relationship and he is trying. Me hating him and our broken vows only leaves me hurting. It doesn't punish him. It does get easier. Everyday you have to choose to love, otherwise you will be forever broken. I didn't get a choice about his affair, but I get a choice to be the person I admire! Happy un-aversary to you all, may you feel peace and love!ReplyDelete
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- AnonymousAugust 5, 2014 at 12:32 AM
Wow! Yesterday was our 35 the wedding anniversary. My husband had a two year affair and tells me he never was going to leave me, she was just easy and convenient. Celebrating an anniversary sounds so horrible, the broken vows, the non respect and the destruction of me and our family. I'm trying every day to survive and move on, the memories and the things that trigger memories of what he did control my every moment. I'm confused about how to proceed? He says he has always loved me, wants our marriage, tries very hard, I can't get passed the lies and deceit. She was 25 years younger and totally after him for money and power.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 27, 2014 at 5:16 AM
i am emily I was heartbroken that my husband moved in with another woman so I had a spell to bring him back home and stop the affair he had with her. In just 2days he left her and went to live at the motel. He called to say so and get news of the kids. The discussion was pleasant, as if he was changing to become the man I knew when we got married. It was exactly as you said…. Now he's back home and is absolutely crazy about me. I am so thrilled by this spell that I cant find the right words to say how I feel right now. All I can decently say is that you changed my life and saved the most important thing in my life: my family, way to contact my savior is email@example.com
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Am Sevda Gulea i want to thank Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIGBE for getting my lover back to me within 48 hours. When my lover left me i was so tired and frustrated till i search the internet for help and i saw so many good talk about Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIGBE of (firstname.lastname@example.com) and i decided to give him a try and i contact him and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get my husband back. If you want to get your lover back contact Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIGBE via email: (email@example.com) Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIGBE the great man that is able to bring back my lost love.ReplyDelete
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- AnonymousDecember 11, 2014 at 3:15 PM
IS A TESTIMONY, I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER CALLED DR UNITY. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 3 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 3YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HER, BUT HER MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND I HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 48HOURS WHEN I WAS IN MY HOUSE IN USA,SHE CALLED ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME, APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HER MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY WIFE ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS;email@example.com THANKS DR UNITY FOR YOUR GOOD WORK. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS email@example.com
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