text:
to his drinking buddies, he said, "My wife doesn't fight fair -- She always
gets historical."
of his friends responded, "Don't you mean hysterical?"
Historical, Bart said. "No matter what I've done, she always says
'This is just like all those other times you'..."
"Between 2 and 3 feet tall"
answered the bartender.
"Are you sure?" Bart asked.
"Positive" said the bartender.
"Damn" Bart muttered.
"I think I just ran over a nun."
is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?"
no mystery" Bart snorted. "Guys like that already have boyfriends."
me explicitly," the judge directed the woman, "What fault you have found
with your husband."
wife was explicit, "He's a liar, a brute, a thief, and a brainless fool!"
tut!" the judge remonstrated. "I suspect you would find difficulty in proving
your assertions."
it!" was her retort. "Everybody knows it."
you knew it," his honor demanded sarcastically, "Why did you marry him?"
didn't know it before I married him."
couldn't take anymore and interrupted angrily, "She did too," he shouted.
"She did so!"
a demanding tone, the agent said, "I need a list of your employees and
how much you pay them."
replied, "Well, there's two hired hands I pay $250 a week plus free room
and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18
hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He
makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board. I do buy
him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life and
he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.
an opportunity to assess a big fine, the agent said, "That's the guy I
want to talk to... The mentally challenged one."
answered, "That would be me."
catapulted out of bed, leaped out a closed window, and along with broken
glass, crashed into the ground. Within a nano-second, he vaulted
to his feet and as he gained speed, he smashed through a thorny hedge and
then sprinted into the darkness and out of sight.
5 minutes later, bleeding and gasping for breath, he stormed into the bedroom
and screamed at his wife, "I AM your husband."
both know that," she answered icily. "But what I'd like to know is
why you ran like a rabbit chased by a pack of coyotes."
happened?" moaned Bart.
don't remember?" asked Jack. "After we received those cattle and
got the trucks on the road, we ended up at a party at the hotel.
We had a few beers -- Well, more than a few. Anyway, by 2:00 AM,
you were standing on a 3rd floor balcony rail proclaiming you were going
to fly around the building."
you're my best friend! Why didn't you stop me?" whined Bart.
you see," said Jack, "At the time, I thought you could do it."
stared at him with a look of shock and astonishment and Bart said, "Sorry
about that, Darlin', I thought you were my wife."
the shock, the woman responded with anger and contempt, "You low-life --
Get away from me."
the least bit deterred, Bart purred, "That's amazing. You sound just like
her too."
so interesting?" Bart asked, slightly annoyed at her lack of attention
to him.
about a poll of 2,500 local women and what they most want in life," his
wife replied.
grabbed the paper out of her hands and began speed-reading through the
are you doing?" his wife demanded.
Bart answered, "What do you think I'm doing? I'm making sure they spelled
my name right."
pain and frustration, he wailed mournfully, "Damn the luck -- Promised
the wife I'd be home early and now I'm lost in a forest."
Mexican asked how big the ranch was, and in a boastful tone, Bart answered,
"Amigo, you can drive this pickup for an hour and still not make it to
the backside of the ranch."
Mexican said, "I understand, Senor -- I used to have a pickup like that."
officer said, "Sir, I'm going to let you off with a warning. By the
way -- Where are you going at this time of the night?"
said, I am going to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and consorting
with wild women and the detrimental effects they have on marriages.
officer asked, Really? Who's giving that lecture this late?
of factly, Bart replied, My wife.
rancher asked, "Do you have a saddle?"
answered, "No, I had to sell about everything I owned."
him out to the tack room, the rancher said, "Here's a saddle you can use.
You'll be doctoring calves in the pasture, so you'll need a rope.
Get one from those hanging over there on the wall."
to appear knowledgeable, Bart carefully examined several ropes before choosing
one, and then asked, "What are you using for bait?"
the waitress came to the table to take their orders, Bart said, "I'll have
a Bin Laden Special."
her fate, the waitress looked tiredly at the ceiling and said, "OK Bart
- I'll play your little game. What is a Bin Laden Special?"
Darlin', its real simple," Bart said. "It's two shots and a splash
of water."
the wives were away from the table, the other cattle buyer remarked that
it was really nice that after all of the years or marriage, Bart still
called her the little pet names.
around to make sure no one was listening, Bart responded, "She seems to
like it, but actually the reason is that I keep forgetting her name."
responded, "I'm going to put a sign on it saying 'In Good Working Condition
- Take It If You Need It' and set it out on the lawn next to the street.
There's bound to be a young couple just starting out that can use it."
a week later the dryer was still out on the lawn and Bart decided it was
time for him to work his magic. He told his wife, "Twenty years of
tradin' cattle has taught me all there is to know about people and marketing.
Asking nothing for something tells people it's worth nothing. Watch
the master and learn."
proceeded to change the sign to read, "Outstanding Dryer with Lots of Years
of Dependable Service Remaining. ONLY $99.95"
he got home that evening, he noticed the dryer was gone so he entered the
house and triumphantly asked his wife, "Who's the best and why am I ?
Tradin' dryers is no different than tradin' cattle. How much did
you get for it ?"
a smirk on her face, she said, "Nothing."
exploded, "What did you do? Give it away when you had a cash customer?"
her best not to laugh, she answered, "I have to hand it to you, Bart --
You really know people and marketing. Someone stole it."
you been convicted of a felony? There was a box labeled "NO" followed
by a box labeled "Yes" with an area labeled "Why" to provide details in
the event the applicant had been convicted of a felony.
checked "NO", and then in the "Why" section below the "Yes" box, answered
been caught."
jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. Shaking
his head, Bart said, "I'd like to see something more special."
$$$$ in his eyes, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another
ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.
woman's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
Smiling fondly at the blonde, Bart said decisively, "We'll take it."
jeweler asked how payment would be made and Bart stated, "By check. I know
you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now, and you can
call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pickup the
ring Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned Bart and nervously said, "Sir, your
bank just advised me there are insufficient funds in your account to cover
your check."
I know," said Bart, "But I had a real good weekend."
was one of Barts wifes best friends and owned the insurance agency that
handled Barts bond. Promptly at 4:30, Bart was there with a couple
of boot boxes stuffed with his records from last year. Jane sorted
through the contents, asked a few questions, and then said, Ill look
this over tomorrow and call if I have any more questions. I noticed
todays your birthday and its about quitting time. Lets go have
a drink.
had a couple of drinks and on the way back to her office, Jane told Bart
that she needed to stop by her house. When they arrived, she invited
him in and said, I need to go into the bedroom for just a moment. Make
yourself comfortable.
went into the bedroom, and after a couple of minutes, came out carrying
a huge birthday cake. She was followed by his wife and dozens of
his friends all singing Happy Birthday.
broke into tears as he sat on the couch in his underwear.
"Honey, it's me. Is the sale over?"
"I'm at the mall and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000.
Can I buy it?"
"Sure... Go ahead if you like it that much."
"I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership. I saw one I really liked."
"How much?"
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Oh, and one more thing... The house I wanted last year is back
on the market. They're asking $700,000."
"Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but only for $650,000."
"OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
"Bye, I love you, too."
ended the call and there was complete silence as everyone stared at him
with astonishment and awe. Bart held up the phone and innocently asked.
Anyone know whose phone this is?
about his anniversary reminded him of something and he said, As I recall,
Bart, your anniversary is this month too. You gonna do anything special?
a far away look in his eyes, Bart replied, Two years ago, I took
my wife out to Las Vegas. Im thinking this year I might go back
and get her.
studied the guy a moment and asked, Was the head count wrong or were some
of them sick coming off the truck?
the guy said.
asked, Are any of them blind, crippled, or locoed?
the guy said, NO Theyre healthy and doing fine.
then, Bart said. Whats the problem?
the guy answered, Theyre telling me that some of them dont have enough
frame to gain well, the shrink should have been 3% instead of 2%, and the
slide should have been higher on the deal.
sipped his drink and fired up a Marlboro, before responding, You came
out and looked at those steers. They were in a 40 acre trap and you
saw every one of them. As for the shrink and slide, I always try
to make the best deal for myself as I can because I assume the other guy
is trying to do the same. Your signed contract is on my dashboard.
If youre going to be in the cattle business, you need to learn that just
because you got out-traded, you werent cheated.
Bart immediately deduced
there must be a wad of cash in the lost wallet and he began frantically
waving at the auctioneer who asked, "Did you find it, Bart?"
"Nope" Bart said. "I'm
bidding $2,500."
a few minutes into the test, Bart realized that he should have studied
a little more. Decades of playing high-stakes poker and making high-pressure
cattle trades had conditioned him not to panic. He shrewdly attached a
$100 bill to the back of his test with a note reading, $1 per point and
with a knowing wink to the instructor, confidently handed in his test.
A week
later, Bart received the test results in the mail. He tore open the
envelope and found his test results and $61.00 in cash.
He took several sips of his
beverage, primarily Jack Daniels, before continuing, "In much the same
way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally,
it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. So, consuming
copious amounts of alcohol on a regular basis eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's how
I've been able to keep myself so savvy and sharp."
He slithered over, sat down
next to her, and suavely asked, Where have you been all my life?"
"Well," she said, "For the
first half of it, I wasn't even born."
Doc, Im hurt bad.
No matter where I touch, the pain is terrible. To prove his point,
Bart touched his left arm and squealed in pain. Then he touched his
right knee and the sharp intake of breath left no doubt that the pain was
Baffled, the doctor ordered
x-rays. After looking at the x-rays, the doctor returned to the examination
room where Bart was anxiously awaiting the results.
The doctor said, Bart, youre
going to need surgery.
Oh my gawd, Bart whimpered.
Am I going to make it, Doc?
I think so, said the doctor.
You have a severely broken finger.
"Oh," she said, "So now you're
speaking to me."
Confused, Bart asked, "What
are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't
spoken to you for six days?" she challenged.
"No," he said sincerely,
"I just thought we were finally getting along."
Bart, I look fat, ugly,
and old. Everything is going wrong with my body she stated matter
of factually.
Now, if there is anything
Bart knows better than cattle and the cattle market, it is women.
He instinctually realized she was expecting a compliment and the evening
would be a living Hell if he failed to deliver.
Darlin, thats just not
true, he said in his most soothing tone. Why, your eyesight is
still darned near perfect.
He phoned the police and
was asked, "Have they made an attempt to enter your house?"
Slightly miffed by the question,
Bart replied, "No -- But they haven't emptied the barn yet."
The dispatcher said all patrols
were busy, but she would send the first one that was available.
Bart waited a minute and
called the police again, "I called you a minute ago because there were
people in my barn. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because
I've just shot all the SOB's!" Then he hung up.
Within five minutes, 3 police
cars, a Swat team, and 2 ambulances showed up at Bart's and caught the
burglars red-handed.
Accusingly, the officer in
charge said to Bart, "I thought you told the dispatcher you shot them."
Unconcerned, Bart replied,
"I thought she said there weren't any units available."
After checking Bart's license,
registration, and proof of insurance, the deputy said, "Sir, I'm going
to issue you a citation for failure to stop."
Exasperated, Bart snarled,
"Look here, Officer -- We're the only ones around for miles. I slowed
down enough to see no traffic was coming. You need to use some common
Without a word, the officer
whacked Bart's head three times in quick succession with his night stick
and then said, "Sir, let me test your common sense -- Should I slow down
or stop?"
His friend laughed and said,
You know you wont stay mad at ol Bart. Tell me this If you only
had 2 rounds in your gun and you went into a room and there was a rattlesnake,
Osama bin Laden, and Bart, what would you do?
Thats easy, Todd said
without hesitation, Id shoot Bart twice.
After they had visited a
while, she said, "I'd love to see you, Bart. Do you ever get down
this way anymore?"
"Well, darlin', you're in
luck," Bart purred, "I have to look at some cattle down that way next week.
But you have to realize I'm a little grayer than the last time you saw
me and I've put on about 15 pounds."
With a girlish laugh, she
said, "That's not so bad. I've gained a lot more than that."
Bart hung up the phone.
When he got in his car to
start home, he was astounded at what he found. He called the police
department, and with a tone of fury combined with indignation, he yelled,
"My Lincoln has been vandalized. They stole the dashboard, the steering
wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator !!!"
However, before a unit could
be dispatched to the crime scene, the phone rang a second time at the police
department and Bart was on the line.
"Never mind about that vandalism
report," he said, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
By the time he reached the
border town, Bart was as nervous as a deer on a firing range. With
his survival instincts at a fever pitch, he astutely checked into a motel
with an adjoining restaurant that was farthermost from the border.
And with a bunker mentality that rivaled Hitler's, Bart vowed that after
he had dinner, he was going to seclude himself in his room for the night.
While eating, he struck up a conversation with a guy at the next table.
"You ever think about moving
to a safer place to live?" Bart asked.
The man replied, "A lot of
what you see on the news is exaggeration. It's just not that bad
down here. My wife and I live in a nice neighborhood, our kids go
to excellent schools, and we have good jobs."
Greatly relieved, Bart asked,
"What do you do here?"
The guy answered, "I'm the
tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
stared blankly at the picture on the opposite wall while his wife began
talking 90 miles an hour describing all of his transgressions and faults.
After 15 minutes of listening, the counselor went over to her, picked her
up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately, and sat her back down.
was speechless.
marriage counselor looked over at Bart and said, "Your wife NEEDS ROMANCE
at least twice a week!"
responded immediately... "I can have her here on Mondays and Thursdays."
said, "Looks like we're about evenly matched. Would you like to make it
interesting? Say the best 2 out of 3 for $50.00."
man agreed and when Bart let him have the break, the man missed on his
third shot. As Bart deftly chalked his cue stick, he surveyed the
table. He then ran the table, broke on the second game, and ran the
table again.
Bart was pocketing the $50, he asked, "What do you do around here?"
man replied he was the priest at the local Catholic church.
Bart was flustered by the answer and he mumbled a half-hearted offer to
return his winnings.
priest said, "No -- You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with
you. You keep your winnings. But if you're not feeling good about
yourself, you could come to church on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get
up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager." No response.
usher left and shortly returned with the manager. Together, they tried
to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's
you're name?"
the man moaned.
ya from, Bart?"
pain in his voice, Bart replied, "The balcony."
a steely look in her eyes, she responded, "What makes you think I'll marry
another jerk?"
understand completely, Mr. Jones, Bart purred. Id be a little riled
too if I got a check back for over $100,000 marked Insufficient Funds.
First thing Monday morning, Ill wire that money to you. But it wasnt
my account that was short. You know how this economy is. -- It was
the bank that had Insufficient Funds.
know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "You've been with me through
all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. Every time
I went broke, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there.
When I got shot, you stuck with me. And now with my health problems, you
are still by my side. And you know what?"
dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
thinking you're bad luck."
owner drove up, looked the situation over, and said, "Mister, looks like
you just bought a heifer calf."
apologized for the mishap and asked, "How much was she worth?"
today she was worth about $300.00, but she was a really good heifer and
I would have kept her as a replacement heifer. Two years from now,
she'd be worth all of $1,200.00."
was running late and didn't want lose more time arguing, so he made out
a check for $1,200.00 and gave it to the rancher.
Bart had sped away, the rancher noticed the check was post dated for 2
of the girls shouted to him, Were not coming out until you leave!
replied, I didnt come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you
get out of the pond -- I just came by to feed my alligators.
a little stressed," Bart admitted. "Actually, I'm scared out of my mind
-- Some ticked-off husband put a note in my pickup and said he would kill
me if I didn't stop messing around with his wife."
stop," the barkeep said.
can I ?" Bart asked, totally frustrated. "The fool didn't sign his
name !!!"
son took to college life like a duck to water. Within 45 days, he
had partied away all the money that was supposed to last the whole semester.
In a bind, the boy called his cattle buyer... "Dad, you won't believe this.
One of my professors says Jake is so smart that he can teach him to talk.
But it will cost $1,000.00 for his time.
as astute businessman, the cattle buyer quickly grasped the fact that a
dog that could talk would be worth $millions. "Son, I'll send you
a check today."
another month and a lot of partying, the boy was broke again. So
he called the cattle buyer, "Dad, that professor has Jake talking like
he's been doing it all his life. And get this... For another $1,000,
the professor thinks he can teach him to read."
a dog that can talk and read if worth a lot more than a dog that can just
talk and the cattle buyer realized this. "Son, I'll send you another
check today."
the time the boy had blown the $1,000, it was time for the Thanksgiving
break, so with a lot of misgivings, he started home. About 100 miles
from the house, his fertile mind came up with a strategy that he hoped
would save his life.
called his dad from his cell phone... "Dad, Jake and I are a couple of
hours away. But there's a problem... As we were going down the road,
out of the blue, Ol' Jake looked up from the newspaper he was reading and
told me he was really going to be glad to get home so he could tell Mom
about all those other women he's seen you with."
was a moment of dead silence and then the cattle buyer said, "Son, you
listen to me and do exactly what I tell you... Pull over, throw that dog
out of the pickup, and you shoot that lying SOB."
cattle buyer screeched to a halt, rolled down his window and said,
"Hey buddy - Don't jump. It can't be that bad."
guy said, "Its that bad."
the soothing tone he normally reserved for trying to buy yearlings for
$5 under the market from grieving widows , the cattle buyer said, "Think
of your wife and children."
guy replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."
then", said the cattle buyer, "Think about your poor mother and your dad."
the young man said, "Mom and Dad are both dead. I'm going to jump."
the cattle buyer blurted out, "Well, think of the Alamo."
guy replied, ''What's the Alamo?''
dumb-ass Yankee," snorted the cattle buyer... "Go ahead and jump."
you want her name engraved upon it ?" asked the jeweler.
cattle buyer thought for a moment and replied, "No name, but engrave ~To
My One And Only Love~ on it. Sooner or later, we'll break
up and there's a good chance she'll be so mad that she will throw everything
at me that I ever gave her. And if she does, I can use it again."
made a mistake, however, when she accused Slim of being an alcoholic after
she saw his pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told Slim, in front of the entire congregation, that everyone
seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing.
a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked
away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Slim quietly parked his pickup in front of Bertha's
house, walked home, and left it there all night.
they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot told
them the plane could take only two moose and that they would have to leave
cattle buyers objected strongly. Bart told the pilot, "Hell, last
year we shot four moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and
he had the same plane as yours."
chimed in, "Yeah, but then he was a damned good pilot."
the pilot gave in and all four were loaded. Unfortunately, even at
full power, the plane couldn't handle the load and went down shortly after
out of the wreckage, Ace asked Bart, "Any idea where we are?"
replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
said the lawyer, "I still prefer the beer joints back in Austin. There's
one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you
buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."
oilman said "Well, at my local bar in Houston, the owner will buy your
3rd drink after you've bought 2."
that's nothin'," the cattle buyer responded." Up in Dallas, there's
this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink
and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to drink, you
go upstairs for a little romantic activity. And it's all on the house."
lawyer and the oilman immediately doubted the cattle buyer's claims.
this actually happened to you?" asked the lawyer.
not myself personally," admitted the cattle buyer. "But it did happen
to my wife."
answered, "No, I had to sell about everyting I owned."
him out to the tack room, the rancher said, "Here's a saddle you can use.
You'll be roping calves and doctoring them, so you'll need a rope. Get
one from those hanging over there on the wall."
to appear knowledgeable, Bart carefully examined several ropes before choosing
one, and then asked... "What do you use for bait?"
lawyer responded, "What the Hell does it look like I'm doing? I shot
a pheasant and it fell in this pasture and now I'm going to retrieve it."
cattle buyer replied, "I don't care for your attitude. This is my
property and I want you gone."
indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in the country
and if you don't let me get that pheasant, I'll sue you for everything
you own."
cattle buyer said, "Apparently you don't know how we settle disputes around
here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick
lawyer asked, "What's that?"
cattle buyer replied, "Well, because the dispute occured on my land, first
I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on, back
and forth, until someone gives up."
attorney thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily
take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
old cattle buyer slowly climbed out of his pickup and walked up to the
attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot
into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to
the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister
was on all fours when the cattle buyer's third kick to his rear end sent
him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping
his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now
it's my turn."
cattle buyer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up... You can have the pheasant."
the hell was that for?" the cattle buyer asked.
in Texas, " the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Texas, you
better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."
trooper ran a check on the license and the cattle buyer was clean, so he
gave him his license back. The trooper then walked around to the passenger
side and tapped on the window and the other cattle buyer rolled down the
window and "WHACK", the trooper smacked him on the head with the nightstick.
you do that for?" the cattle buyer demanded.
your wish come true," replied the trooper.
WHAT wish come true?" the cattle buyer asked.
know you cattle buyer types," The trooper said. "A hundred feet down
the road, you're would've turned to your buddy and said... "I wish that
SOB would've tried that on me!"
purred, "Honey, I'd like to buy you a new SUV."
don't need a new SUV," she said. "Besides, they get lousy gas mileage."
the rebuff in stride, J.W. said, Well, then let's go to Las Vegas for several
looked him straight in the eye and said in a tone dripping with sarcasm,
"With you? I don't think so."
getting desparate, J.W. whined, "Isn't there something I can give you that'll
make you happy?"
there is," she said. "A divorce."
Honey, be reasonable," J.W. pleaded, "You know I can't afford that."
doctor told him there is a simple informal test the cattle buyer could
perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away
from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears
you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get
a response.
evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.
He said to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens.
In a normal tone he asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
response... So the cattle buyer moved ten feet closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his wife, and repeated, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
no response... Next he moved into the dining room where he was about 20
feet from his wife and asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
no response... Then he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
there was no response... So he walked right up behind her. "Honey,
what's for dinner?"
Bart! For the fifth time... WE'RE HAVING STEAK!"
cattle buyer listened for a few moments, and never being shy about sharing
his opinions, he slid his chair over the table and joined the discussion
guys have it all wrong. Its really pretty simple how we came to
have an oil shortage here in America
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
continued, We just didn't know we were getting low in production and refining
capacity. The reason for that is purely geographical. Most of our
oil production is located in Alaska, California, Louisiana, Oklahoma, New
Mexico, and Texas.
our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington, DC.
your pa home?" asked the cattle buyer.
sir, he ain't", the boy said. "He went to town."
," said the cattle buyer, "Is your ma here?"
sir, she ain't here neither. She went to town with Pa."
about your brother, Howard? Is he here?
went with Ma and Pa."
cattle buyer stood there, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling
to himself.
there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I know where
all the tools is, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message
fer Pa?"
said the cattle buyer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your pa.
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.
boy considered for a moment... "You would have to talk to Pa about that,"
he finally conceded. "If it helps ya any, I know he charges $50 for the
bull and $25 for the boar. But I really don't how much he charges fer Howard."
the cattle buyer replied, "You guys need to get your act together... Yesterday,
you took my license away and today you expect me to show it to you."
do you think is wrong? I'm in Hell." answered the cattle buyer.
said, "Well, it's not so bad down here. Let me ask you... Are you a drinking
I like to drink some" said the cattle buyer.
on Mondays, all we do here is drink. Beer, vodka, wine, whiskey,
you name it. We drink until we get sick and then we drink some more," responded
Satan .
sounds pretty good" the cattle buyer replied.
you smoke?" asked Satan .
I smoke," said the cattle buyer.
on Tuesdays all we do here is smoke" Satan said, "Cigarettes, cigars, pipes,
all of it. And the great part is is that you don't have to worry
about lung cancer because you're already dead."
cattle buyer said, "That's a pretty good deal"
about drug use?" Satan asked.
yes, I have tried drugs different times" said the cattle buyer.
Satan said, "On Wednesdays, all we do is drugs... Pot, coke, heroin.
And the best part is you don't have to worry about an overdose because
you're dead."
cattle buyer said, "All right, this might not be so bad"
Satan asked," Do you gamble?"
I like to gamble", replied the cattle buyer
Thursdays, we gamble. We play poker, craps, roulette, slots, everything.
And if you go broke, who cares. You're dead," Satan said with a smirk.
think I'm gonna like it down here." said the cattle buyer.
me ask you this... Are you homosexual?" asked Satan.
the cattle buyer answered, "No, I'm definitely not."
you're gonna hate Fridays then."
up the volume on your speakers and click on the link below to see what
by your computer's media player... Give it a few seconds to load.
went out to the shop and got a saw. It took him 10 minutes to cut
1 piece with the hand saw and he was so out of breath, he had to lean against
a tree to stay on his feet. After he got his breath, he headed to
town and went to the hardware store. They sold him a new chain saw
and assured his that he could cut a cord a day with the saw.
got home and went to work. But it took him 20 minutes with the chain
saw to make 1 cut. Cursing all the way, he sped back to town, stormed
into the hardware store, slammed the chainsaw down on the counter, and
snarled at the clerk, "There's something wrong with this damned saw.
I can cut twice as fast with my hand saw."
clerk said, "I'm sorry, sir. Let's go out back to the lumberyard
and I'll see if I can figure out what's wrong."
clerk clicked the switch to "Run", set the choke, and pulled on the starter
rope. The saw started on the first pull.
the cattle buyer jumped back and shouted, "What in the Hell is all that
noise ?"
men applied for the job. One was a cowboy and the other a cattle buyer.
She checked their references and learned the cowboy was a hopeless womanizer
with a drinking problem. The cattle buyer listed his banker as a
reference and the banker told the widow that the cattle buyer was honest
and hardworking and she would be completely safe having him around.
hired the cattle buyer and he proved to be a hard worker who put in long
hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. After a month, the
rancher's widow said to the cattle buyer, "You've done a really good job
and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The cattle buyer readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no cattle buyer.
He returned around two-thirty and upon entering the room, he found the
rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting
for him.
quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she
said. Nervously, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did
as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each
gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt."
slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.
take off my bra." With trembling hands he did as he was told and dropped
it to the floor. Now," she said, "take off my panties."
the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked
at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
cattle buyer and his secretary stopped at a restaurant to get something
to eat and by the time they finished eating, a full fledged blizzard was
underway. They started for home, but only went about 20 miles before
they came to a road block where the Highway Patrol was turning traffic
around because the road was closed due to white-out conditions 50 miles
down the road.
went back to the only motel in town to get a couple of rooms but there
was only one room left and it only had 1 bed. They talked it over
and decided they didn't have any choice but to share the room. Later
that evening, they went to bed and the secretary said, "I'm a little cold...
Would you mind getting me an extra blanket?"
cattle buyer thought a moment and then replied, "You know what... Since
we're sleeping in the same bed tonight, maybe we ought to act like we're
a twinkle in her eye, the secretary said, "That doesn't sound like too
bad of an idea."
then" replied the cattle buyer, "Get up and get your own damned blanket."
he finally got stablized on the barstool, he yelled at the bartender, "Give
me a double shot of your best whisky,"
bartender politely replied, "Sir, it appears you've had enough to drink.
I'm not going to be able to serve you. Let me call you a cab so you
get home safely."
the cattle buyer said, "Let me tell you where you can go. I should
have known better than to come into this dive."
all of the dignity he could muster, the cattle buyer weaved his way out
of the bar. About 10 minutes later, he wobbled through the side door
of the bar and ordered a drink. The bartender again refused to serve
him and asked him to leave the bar.
A little
later, the cattle buyer came into the bar through the back door and demanded
a drink.
bartender said, "Look buddy... You're drunk and I'm not going to serve
you. Now you can either let me call a cab or the police. It's
your choice."
cattle buyer slobbered, "Damn... How many places do you tend bar?"
addition to being an order buyer, Bart always had some cattle on feed,
so he told the genie, "I'd like the fat cattle market to trade at $110
next week."
you wish," said the genie.
A month
to the day later, Bart rubbed on the lamp again. The genie appeared
and said, "What is your 2nd wish?"
replied, "I wish for a $110 fat cattle market next week."
a minute... Wasn't that your first wish?" asked the genie.
it was," Bart said sheepishly, "But I thought the market was going higher...
This time I'll take a $110 bid."
next customer ordered a Michelob and the bartender guessed his IQ to be
128 and engaged him in a lively discussion about sports.
next man to come in ordered 3 Wild Turkeys. The bartended looked
him in the eye and saw that the IQ was only 88. He asked, "How many years
have you been buying cattle?"
cattle buyer replied, "Some."
doctor pressed the point, "On an average, how much do you drink per day?"
some deep thought, the cattle buyer answered, "Oh, I guess about 10 or
doctor asked, "10 or 12 what?"
the cattle buyer said... "10 or 12 hours."
32", the cashier replied.
actually 47," the woman said happily.
she was feeling really good about herself and decided to have a drink in
the restaurant's lounge.
was seated and served in the back of the lounge next to a cattle buyer
and they began visiting. She asked the cattle buyer, "How old do
you think I am?"
at her, he said, "It's too dark back here to tell by looking. But
I know another way to tell your age, but it requires you to let me feel
your breasts. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."
it was dark and no one was sitting near them, the woman let curiosity get
the best of her.
said, "What the Hell... Go ahead."
cattle buyer slipped both hands up her blouse, under her bra, and begins
to feel around. After a couple of minutes, she said impatiently, "Okay,
okay, enough feeling. How old am I?"
removed his hands and said, "You are 47."
the woman said, "That is amazing! You could really tell by feeling?"
cattle buyer replied, "Actually, I was behind you in line at the restaurant
replied, "Well, I've done my share of herding cows, breaking horses, mending
fences, but I haven't done much of that in quite a few years. Now,
I have an order buying service and mostly just buy and trade cattle."
a short while he asked her, "What about you... What are you?"
young lady laughed and said, "Actually, I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole
day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of
women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think
of women."
the girl left, a couple sat down next to Bart, and eyeing his black hat,
the man asked, ""Are you a real cowboy?"
which Bart replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that
I'm probably a lesbian."
and Larry walked into the hospital room knowing that their old friend was
not long for this world. After thanking them for coming, the rancher
asked, "Would you two do me a favor by sitting with me until I die?"
both answered that they would stay.
the rancher asked, "Ed, would you sit on the left side of my bed?
And Larry, would you sit on the right side of my bed?"
cattle buyers seated themselves as the rancher requested.
about an hour, Ed asked the rancher. "Why do you want us on each side of
rancher replied, "I'm a God fearing man and I would like to die the same
way Jesus died... With a thief on each side.
halfway to the truck, they met another hunter and he said, "Really nice
buck you got there, but I think if you pulled him by his horns, it would
be a lot better than dragging him by his hind legs."
cattlebuyers tried it and after a while one said, "This sure is better.
He drags a lot smoother this way."
other cattle buyer said... "Yeah, but we're getting farther away from the
screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" Bart
sped up, but the face stayed in the window. Jed rolled his window down
part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"
old man softly replied, "You got a cigarette?" Jake handed the old man
a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to Bart, rolling up the window in
A few
minutes later they calmed down and started laughing. Bart said, "I don't
know what happened, but don't worry... the speedometer says we're doing
80 now." All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the
old man reappeared.
he is again," Jake yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said,
you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. Jake threw a lighter out
the window saying, "Step on it!"
were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just
seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping.
my God! He's back!" Jake rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror,
old man gently replied, "You guys want some help getting out of the mud?"
he said. "My dad's a cattle buyer and he taught me to how to work with
good," said the teacher. "Let's see what you know... What comes after three?"
answered the little boy.
comes after six?"
dad did a good job," said the teacher. "Let's try one more... What
comes after ten?"
the little boy answered... "A jack."
next morning, he noticed a picture of a man on the womans dresser and
asked, Whos the guy in the picture?
replied, Dont worry about it.
A little
concerned, he asked, Well, is he your husband? She said she was
not married.
I dont have a boyfriend.
then who in the Hell is it? demanded the cattle buyer.
woman replied, If you have to know, it was me before my operation.
first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She bought
new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and told the
cattle buyer, "I wanted to look pretty for you because I love you so much."
second girl went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television,
and a stereo and gave them to the cattle buyer. She said, "I bought these
gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
third girl took the $2,000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled
the investment, returned the $2,000 to the cattle buyer and reinvested
the rest. She said, "I'm investing the rest for our future because I love
you so much."
cattle buyer thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money... It was an agonizing decision, but he finally decided to
marry the one with the biggest breasts.
about a week, the cattle buyer saw the rancher in town and said, "I want
my money back on those damned bulls you sold me. All they do is eat
grass and won't even look at the heifers."
rancher replied, "I'll sure take them back, but before I do, let me send
my vet out to your place to take a look at those bulls."
A week
later, the rancher saw the cattle buyer and asked if the vet's visit did
any good.
cattle buyer replied, "The vet did a Hell of job on those bulls. They bred
all my heifers, broke through the fence, and bred about half of my neighbor's
cows before we could get them out."
to hear that" said the rancher. "What did the vet do to those bulls?"
gave them some pills," replied the cattle buyer.
kind of pills?" asked the rancher.
know," said the cattle buyer... "But they sort of taste like peppermint."
stood up and proudly said, "He's a doctor."
wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
you, Amy," said the teacher. "What about your father, Jack?"
stood up and announced, "My daddy is a thief, a drug dealer, and a pimp."
teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later
that day she phoned Jack's house and asked his mother to come to school
for a conference. When she arrived, the teacher explained what her son
had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
mother said, "Jack's father is actually a cattle buyer... But how can I
explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
live on County Road 44," fumed Bart, "And I want you to move the "Deer
Crossing" sign that's on that sharp curve near Oak Creek."
foreman asked, "Just why do you want the sign moved?"
time I come home after dark, I nearly hit a deer on that curve because
you can't see them until it's almost too late," explained Bart.
guess I don't understand," said the foreman, "How will moving the sign
too sharp, are you?" snarled Bart... "If you move the damned sign to a
straight part of the road, I'll be able to see the deer in plenty of time."
a dark and hazy tent, peering into a crystal ball surrounded by candles,
the mystic delivered grave news
no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself
to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this
shaken, the cattle buyers wife thought about the years of misery and abuse
she had experienced in her marriage. She took a few deep breaths
to compose herself and then asked the psychic
I be acquitted?"
as he got to his pickup and trailer, he spotted Bart, a local cattle buyer,
headed for his Lincoln.
yelled, Hey Bart, give me a hand.
walked over and Sam asked him to stand behind the trailer and let him know
if the lights were working.
the tail lights working? asked Sam.
said Bart.
about the brake lights? asked Sam.
working, said Bart.
here goes the left turn signal. Is it working? asked Sam.
answered, Yes
Nancy came to the door, Bart said, "Tell Tom I'll call him tonight about
the steers. By the way, Nancy... You just get prettier and prettier.
In fact, you look so good, I'll pay you $1,000 if you'll take off your
was an uncurable flirt who delighted in making women uncomfortable with
his outrageous advances and Nancy decided to call his bluff.
said, "Bart, the screen door's locked and it's going to stay that way.
Slide the money under the door."
reached in his pocket, pulled out a roll of money, peeled off ten $100
bills and slid them under the door.
about to let Bart back her down, she took off her blouse. Bart peeled
off 10 more $100 bills and said, "You can have this $1,000 if you'll take
off your bra."
that Bart expected and would truly enjoy it if she reacted with indignant
outrage, she said, "Put your money where your mouth is." Bart immediately
slid the money under the door.
she was about to get the best of Bart and $2,000 of his money, Nancy nonchalantly
took off her bra, picked up the money, and then closed the door.
evening, at dinner, Tom asked Nancy, "Did Bart make it out here today?"
replied, "He did. He was here mid-afternoon, looked at the steers,
and said he would call you tonight."
Tom asked, "Did he leave $2,000? I loaned him some money last week
and he told me this morning he would go by the Bank, get the money, and
leave it here this afternoon."


text:
The buzz about another possible bailout of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac doesn't make any sense, says Dick Bove. Here's why.» Read More
The U.S. Treasury Department wants to expand its power to regulate how Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac access the debt markets in a reform that could stifle growth of the mortgage finance companies' investments, according to a document obtained by Reuters.
The chief executive of Freddie Mac warned that the U.S. economy faces a 40% to 45% risk of recession induced by the housing market downturn, the Financial Times reported on its Web site.
Freddie Mac, the No. 2 U.S. mortgage financing company, does not expect the economy to fall into recession from the housing market downturn and even sees opportunities in the shake-up, its treasurer said on Wednesday.
I was waiting to see who did it first. I figured it was between California and Florida, and I was right. California wins. Last Thursday, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote a letter to Congressional leaders asking for a state exception to the GSE conforming loan limit ($417,000).
Countrywide Chief Executive Angelo Mozilo said Tuesday the largest U.S. mortgage lender is "out" of the subprime business, apart from offering home loans eligible for purchase by government-sponsored enterprises.
Freddie Mac's CEO, Richard Syron, told CNBC that the home-loan provider needs to be able to invest in jumbo loans for about two years in order to help remedy the subprime crisis.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson both dropped some of their resistance to expanding the role of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and said the companies could help restore funding for the largest home loans, which has dried up.
There's a lot of talk on the Hill today about raising the conforming loan limit for Fannie and Freddie from its current $417,000. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said, "There is little question that allowing the GSEs to securitize jumbo mortgages would give a short term lift, which would be helpful to a segment of the housing market that has shown some recent improvement but is not functioning as normal."
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the biggest sources of U.S. housing finance, can buy $20 billion more in subprime mortgages under rules unveiled Wednesday to help revive a market hindered by tighter lending standards.
Federal Reserve Board chairman Ben Bernanke told a key House leader this week that any move to raise the limit on the value of mortgages that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac can buy should only be temporary.
Countrywide Chairman and CEO Angelo Mozilo delivered a bullish outlook Tuesday for his company as it grapples with the ongoing housing downturn. However, he called on the government to do more to ease the credit crunch and help borrowers in distress avoid foreclosure.
Shares of Impac plunged more than 13% in trading on the New York Stock Exchange on news of layoffs and closing of its Alt-A division.
National City said on Monday it expects a third-quarter mortgage banking loss of around $160 million, the high end of its forecast, hurt by slumping housing demand and tighter capital markets.
Ongoing weakness in the housing market will push the national economy to the brink of recession, but growth in other areas should put the country back on a slow road to recovery by 2009, according to an economic forecast released Wednesday.
Bush administration officials Friday sought to ease fears the U.S. was tipping into recession after a government report showed the economy shed jobs for the first time in four years last month.
Mortgage-related loans by the Federal Home Loan Bank system to members surged 17 percent in August as "extraordinary events" upset credit markets, the FHLB's office of finance said on Tuesday.
After watching for weeks as the mortgage meltdown roiled the markets and squeezed homeowners, President Bush inserted himself directly into the matter today. It remain unclear how much his intervention will help investors, lenders or homeowners. But there's no mystery about why he did it.
Stocks closed mostly lower after a day of choppy trading as investors worried whether Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke would signal a possible interest rate cut during a speech Friday morning. Volume was very light but without extreme volatility," said Scott Fullman, director of investment strategy, for IA Englander.
Freddie Mac, the nation's second-largest buyer and guarantor of home mortgages, said Thursday its second-quarter profit fell 45% as it had to record larger provisions on its books for bad loans.
Now that the market has settled a bit, Cramer went back to his normal Game Plan strategies. Here are his takes on Dollar Tree, Freddie Mac, H&R Block, Dell and Sears Holdings.Investing can be confusing. Luckily, Cramer has mapped out some road rules for all you Home Gamers trying to navigate the jungle that is Wall Street. Think of it as "Mad Money 101" –- some fundamental advice to keep in mind as you play the market. Whether you're a first time investor or a seasoned financier, it's always good to remember the basics.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Real news. Real funny.
Real news. Real funny.
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text:
Asthma: Over The Counter Treatment Center - Santa Maria, CA
Santa Maria Asthma & Allergy Specialist Doctors for Asthma: Over The Counter Treatment
Type of Physician: Asthma & Allergy Specialist
What is a Asthma & Allergy Specialist?
A certification by the Board of Allergy & Immunology; practitioners are expert in the evaluation, diagnosis and management of immune disorders.
Specialty: Allergy, Asthma & Immunology
Common Name: Allergy Doctor
Asthma & Allergy Specialist Doctors in Santa Maria *
Randy P Johnson MD Inc
Allergy Partners
Janet Kershaw-Mclennan MD
Shields B Abernathy MD
Liza Presser Belkin MD
Sansum Clinic Allergy
Sansum Clinic Multi-Specialty
Vincent C Tubiolo MD
James Walter Villaveces MD
Patrick Leung MD Incorporated
Allergy & Immunolgy
Allergy & Immunolgy
Kaiser Permanente Allergy
Kaiser Permanente Allergy
Santa Maria, California
Asthma: Over the Counter Treatment
What is asthma?
The cause of asthma is unknown. More is known about the abnormal conditions that occur in asthma. These conditions include:
Other Related Asthma: Over The Counter Treatment Articles
Emergency Contact for Santa Maria
Nearby Santa Maria Hospitals *
Marian Regional Medical Center
Arroyo Grande Community Hosp
Lompoc Valley Medical Center
California Men's Colony
French Hospital Medical Center
Sierra Vista Regional Med Ctr
Santa Ynez Valley Cottage Hosp
*Provider Directory Terms of Use:
The WebMD 'Provider Directory' is provided by WebMD for use by the general public as a quick reference of information about Providers. The Provider Directory is not intended as a tool for verifying the credentials, qualifications, or abilities of any Provider contained therein. Inclusion in the Provider Directory does not imply recommendation or endorsement nor does omission in the Provider Directory imply WebMD disapproval.


text:
Abbington Nursing Home Senior Apartments31 Central Ave, Roselle, IL 60172 View On Map
For rates, availability, and other information fill out the availability request form and a representative from Abbington Nursing Home Apartments will contact you shortly
Abbington Nursing Home is a senior apartment community located in Roselle, IL. View this 55+ apartment on a map.
55+ This is a Senior Living Community
Back to Top
Maps & Directions
click to view interactive map


text:
Fertility drugs stimulate a woman's ovaries to release eggs (ovulate). Use of fertility drugs increases the risk that more than one egg will be produced and be fertilized by sperm, leading to a high-risk multiple pregnancy.
|Healthwise Staff
|Primary Medical Reviewer
|Sarah Marshall, MD - Family Medicine
|Specialist Medical Reviewer
|Femi Olatunbosun, MB, FRCSC - Obstetrics and Gynecology
|Current as of
|March 12, 2014
WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise


text:
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May 21, 2015 - 06:30 GMT
The Pentagon could approve a $1.9 billion arms sale to Israel to buy Hellfire missles, glide bombs and bunker buster bombs.
May 20, 2015 - 10:52 GMT
According to the Palestinian Prisoners and Former Prisoners Committee, Palestinian minors held in Israeli prisons are subjected to abuse and assault.
May 20, 2015 - 10:24 GMT
Following massive backlash from Israel's left wing, the proposed program for bus segregation has been suspended.
May 20, 2015 - 09:16 GMT
A Palestinian man was shot dead after ramming his vehicle into two Israeli police offices in the East Jerusalem neighborhood of A-Tur Wednesday.
May 20, 2015 - 07:30 GMT
Under a new 'pilot project', Palestinians in the West Bank who commute to Israel to work will not be allowed to use the same buses as Israelis and must enter and exit from the same border crossing.
May 19, 2015 - 17:30 GMT
Human Rights Watch criticized the decision to demolish the tents and houses of 340 residents in Khirbet Susya Village near the city of Hebron.
May 19, 2015 - 12:30 GMT
The boy was taken to the hospital after being attacked near the Ibrahimi Mosque in Hebron Tuesday.
May 19, 2015 - 12:00 GMT
Diplomats from Sunni Arab countries held secret talks with Israeli officials in Jordan to discuss security issues in the region.
May 19, 2015 - 08:30 GMT
The EU's top diplomat Frederica Mogherini said Monday she would travel to the Middle East in an attempt boost peace talks between Israel and Palestine.
May 18, 2015 - 17:51 GMT
The PA's foreign minister said Palestine plans to resort to all international forums to put an end to Israel's "destructive policy."


text:
MAG Instrument AA Mini Maglite Flashlight, Black
About this item
The MAG Instrument AA Mini Maglight Flashlight is both durable and dependable. This small MAG Flashlight includes a spare lamp secured within the tail cap, as well as several different modes, including candle mode and a spot-to-flood feature. The high-intensity beam is bright enough to light your path while you are in the dark and is water resistant, so you can depend on it even when it is raining or wet. To use the MAG Flashlight, just give it a 1/2 turn twist to focus the light. The lightweight construction makes it easy to carry with you wherever you go, and the small size makes this Mini MAG Flashlight comfortable to hold in one hand. This flashlight is also compact enough to fit into tight spaces. The MAG Instrument AA Mini Maglight Flashlight is a smart choice to have on hand in your home or car.
MAG Instrument AA Mini Maglite Flashlight, Black:
- No flashlight of this size incorporates these features, functions and unique design elements
- An icon of classic American design
- Famous around the world for its brightness, quality, durability and dependability
- High-intensity light beam
- 1/2 turn twist focus
- Spot-to-flood
- Candle mode
- Spare lamp safely secured in the tail cap
- High-strength aluminum alloy case
- O-ring sealed for water resistance
- Compact/lightweight construction
- 2 AA premium alkaline batteries are included
|Model No.:
|Shipping Weight (in pounds):
|Product in Inches (L x W x H):
|5.75 x 1.0 x 1.0
|Assembled in Country of Origin:
|Origin of Components:
|USA and Imported
|Walmart No.:
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text:
Drew loses $50,000
After all the drama of trying to securing funding for their new sneaker shop and hire staff, Drew found out that he'd been swindled. Perhaps he was too distracted by the prospect of having a staff of beautiful women at his disposal to think critically about business.
Just when it seemed that Traci and Drew should be getting the store decorated and stocked, Drew discovered that his business partner had run off with all $50,000. Making matters worse was the fact that he didn't have a signed contract on paper from his partner. However, he noted that there was a verbal agreement in place.
Upon hearing the majorly upsetting news, Traci began kicking herself for not being more hands-on with preparations. But Drew's mind was on all of the arrangements he'd made for the grand opening. Is it us or did he seem to feel worse about that than losing $25,000 of Traci's money?
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Get your tickets to Warner Bros. Movie World online here and get lost in a world where movies come to life and everyone's a star. Meet your favourite stars and super heroes, experience the adrenaline pumping thrill rides and watch an array of spectacular shows.
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American English: /ˈɡrinˌflaɪ/ British English: /ˈɡriːnflʌɪ/
Translation of greenfly in Spanish:
noun plural -flies or -fly(British English)
- 1.1 (insect)Example sentences1.2 (infestation) (+ singular or plural verb)
pulgones (masculine plural)
- Natural enemies of greenflies are ladybird larvae, hoverfly larvae, gall-fly larvae, lacewings and earwigs.
- For safe and effective control of greenfly a range of products can be used.
- Ladybirds are well known predators of greenflies and other aphids.
Definition of greenfly in:
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Patt Morrison KPCC Contributor
In addition to the Times, Patt is read, heard, and seen in many other places. She is a regular commentator on National Public Radio's "Morning Edition" and has published a bestselling book on the Los Angeles River.
Morrison is frequently interviewed about Southern California on the BBC and other television and radio programs, and was a founding host of "Life & Times" on KCET-TV, for which she won six Emmys and six Golden Mike awards.
A Senior Fellow in the Luskin School of Public Affairs at UCLA, Morrison was featured on the cover of "TALKERS Magazine" as one of the ''heavy hundred'' of the nation's talk radio hosts – a first for a public radio host.
Among her other honors: Pink's, the famous Los Angeles hot dog stand, has a veggie dog named after her!
Stories by Patt Morrison
British ex-pats on Kate Middleton's anticipated baby
KPCC's Patt Morrison spoke with some British ex-pats at a retirement community in Sierra Madre about their predictions for Kate Middleton's baby.
In 'Ragnarok,' John Hodgman revels in his failed apocalyptic vision
John Hodgman is the writer and "The Daily Show" humorist who likes to portray himself as the unchallenged expert on any aspect of life. He is not. And this one, a biggie, he also got wrong.
Patt's Hats: Disney sells Tonto's headdress from 'The Lone Ranger'
Disneyland began selling a version of the Tonto headdress dreamed up by Johnny Depp for "The Lone Ranger." You're going to be seeing a lot of these between now and Halloween.
NBA 'super fan' James Goldstein on fashion, architecture and basketball
Who is that guy sitting courtside? NBA super fan James Goldstein talks about his love of fashion, architecture and basketball.
Patt's Hats: A lei illusion and yellow shoe madness
There are so many things I like about this dress, but mostly it's the gaily asymmetrical floral design that caught my eye.
In 'I Remember Me,' Carl Reiner looks back at life full of laughs
Patt Morrison has coffee with Carl Reiner and talks about hsi new book "I Remember Me."
The Los Angeles Mayoral portrait gallery prepares for Villaraigosa
Patt Morrison visits City Hall to find out how the gallery of mayoral paintings came to be and why.
Patt's Hats: An homage to the largest perfect diamond in the world
Here's another version of those capris – these are a lace print from H&M – and while I've seen women wearing them with high heels, it just doesn't seem right somehow. It so sullies the legacies of Mary Tyler Moore and Audrey Hepburn to pair them with anything but flats!
Military wives answer to "Fifty Shades of Grey"
"Duty And Desire" and military erotica
Watts soaring towers
One of Los Angeles most recognizable landmarks
Comedian Alonzo Bodden on donating a kidney to his brother
Alonzo Bodden can find humor anywhere, even when giving away a major organ.
Patt's Hats: Raid your grandmother's closet!
This is exactly the kind of sweater I used to tease my grandmother about wearing, the elaborately beaded 1950s cardigans that you saw on everyone from Babe Paley to Lucille Ball to … your grandmother.
Patt's Hats: Seeing green and black for spring
Couture and hardware experts! Can I beseech you to tell us what this type of closure is called? The round metal gizmo is a grommet, but what do you call the short bar at the end of a chain that goes through the grommet to secure it?
PHOTOS: Patt Morrison visits Caltech, dines with Stephen Hawking
Caltech students prepared dinner for Stephen Hawking and Patt Morrison, and Patt had the chance to speak with Hawking about religion, physics and more.
Patt's Hats: Channeling Helena Bonham Carter
Is it, by chance, Helena Bonham Carter's birthday? This begged me to take it out of the closet this morning, a frock very much a la Bonham Carter mode. [We all do know that her husband, Tim Burton, is from Burbank, right?]


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Book your room at Monsane River Kwai Resort
Please enter your travel dates.
3-star resort with 3 restaurants and full-service spa
Collect 200 points
Simply enter your Nectar card number when prompted. Your points will be credited 30 days after you return from your trip.*Offers may apply
Situated in Kanchanaburi, this resort is within 6 mi (10 km) of Jeath War Museum, Kanchanaburi War Cemetery, and Thailand-Burma Railway Centre. Bridge Over the River Kwai is 7 mi (11.3 km) away.
Resort Features
Along with 3 restaurants, this resort has a full-service spa and an outdoor pool. Free breakfast and free WiFi in public areas are also provided. Additionally, a health club, a sauna, and a rooftop terrace are onsite.
Room Amenities
All 40 rooms provide free WiFi, refrigerators, and minibars. Guests will also find room service, free newspapers, and in-room massages.Information missing or incorrect? Tell us!
Hotel Amenities
Hotel Amenities
In addition to a full-service spa, Monsane River Kwai Resort features an outdoor pool and a health club. Dining is available at one of the resort's 3 restaurants. Guests can enjoy a complimentary breakfast. Public areas are equipped with complimentary high-speed wireless Internet access.
Business-related amenities at this 3-star property consist of a business center and a meeting room. This Kanchanaburi resort also offers a sauna, a rooftop terrace, and a garden.
- Total number of rooms - 40
- Airport transportation (surcharge)
- Free WiFi
- Wired (high-speed) Internet access - surcharge
- 24-hour front desk
- Business center
- Free breakfast
- Full-service spa
- Sauna
- Laundry facilities
- Garden
- Health club
- Outdoor pool
- Hair salon
- One meeting room
- Rooftop terrace
- Number of restaurants - 3
Family Friendly Amenities
- Outdoor pool
- Free Wi-Fi
- Laundry facilities
- Refrigerator
Available in all rooms: Free WiFi
Available in some public areas: Free WiFi , Wired (high-speed) Internet access - surcharge
Room Amenities
- Air conditioning
- Free WiFi
- Room service
- Refrigerator
- Minibar
- In-room safe
- Free newspaper
- In-room massage available
Where to Eat
A complimentary breakfast is offered.
Sky River Restaurant - Onsite restaurant.
Rabeangnam Bar - Onsite restaurant.
Makham Pub and Restaurant - Onsite restaurant.
Room service is available.
Nearby Things to Do
Recreational amenities at the resort include an outdoor pool, a health club, and a sauna.
Spa Services
Guests can indulge in a pampering treatment at the resort's full-service spa, Chomthara Spa.
Hotel Policies
Check-in time starts at 2 PM
Check-out time is noon
Payment types
You need to know
Extra-person charges may apply and vary depending on hotel policy.
Government-issued photo identification and a credit card or cash deposit are required at check-in for incidental charges.
Special requests are subject to availability upon check-in and may incur additional charges. Special requests cannot be guaranteed.


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empty beer can thrown away indoors on pretty hard carpet
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DaypacksThe House Boardshop's selection of Daypacks includes over one hundred bags designed by the brands you trust. Shop Daypacks from brands like Burton, DC, K2, Oakley, Obey, Salomon, Quiksilver, Vans and dozens more! Whether you're a busy student or an avid traveler, we provide a huge variety to suit all. Select from several styles, colors, brands and sizes and place your order today! We'll ship out within 24 hours, Monday-Friday.
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text:
Grow Revenyue by 300% Or More and Make it Predictable
Discover the outbound sales process that, in just a few years, helped add $100 million in recurring revenue to Salesforce.com, almost doubling their enterprise growth... with zero cold calls.
This is not another book about how to cold call or close deals. This is an entirely new kind of sales bible for CEOs, entrepreneurs and sales VPs to help you build a sales machine. What does it take for your sales team to generate as many highly-qualified new leads as you want, create predictable revenue, and meet your financial goals without your constant focus and attention?
©2011 Aaron Ross (P)2013 Aaron Ross
"Writing a book in the third person is just dumb"
Ideas in the book are great, but there is too much promotion of Salesforce. And the third person thing really should be illegal.
"Good book, but doesn't work well for audio"
It references "online visuals" way too many times. Now I'll probably end up buying the hard copy. Some good ideas.
"Absolutely terrible narration. Not recommended."
Mary Jane Wells did an absolutely terrible job of narrating this book.
Different narrator. Mary Jane Wells did this book an extreme injustice. I have listened to tons of audiobooks and this is by far the worst one. It's a shame too because the book came highly recommended by a few people.
Someone who narrates with emphasis in proper areas and on proper sentences. Mary Jane Wells read the book with the most bland, boring tone I've heard. It sounds as though she was reading the book for the first time because she had no confidence or familiarity in the material. She made it extremely difficult to focus and listen for more than a few minutes at a time.
I recommend reading the book instead of listening to the audio given the terrible narration.
"Extremely useful!"
I had a friend recommend this book to me, as I was looking to reorganize my sales strategy and approach. Very eye-opening information. The knowledge in this book is extremely valuable to anybody managing sales or an organization. Highly recommend!
"Great for startups"
Much of the book is to the point practical knowledge for creating a sales department for your startup. Highly recommended.
"Great Book!"
This was one of the best sales and business books I've ever read. There were applicable takeaways that I learned and were able to implement with our team right away. I highly recommend it!
"Written by a teenager - all be it a millionaire."
A few gems are hidden in here. However as an audio book it sucks because they reference so many images which you have to look up online. Really not what you want while commuting!
Also I found a lot of it very matter of fact, and unhelpful "e.g. never give up, always try harder, stay focused to succeed" - not that useful...
She was fine.
Probably better as a book rather than an audio book!
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Chris and Michelle Sparks, of Sedalia, announce the engagement of their daughter, Ashley Sparks, of Sedalia, to Samuel Bishop, of Sedalia. He is the son of John and Charlotte Bishop, of Sedalia.
The future bride is a 2011 graduate of Smith-Cotton High School and received an Associates degree in Business from State Fair Community College in 2013. She currently works in Sedalia.
The future groom is a 2010 graduate of Smith-Cotton High School and currently works as a research associate at Xceligent in Sedalia.
A 2015 Christmas wedding is being planned.


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Vestiges of the early Haynesville Shale land rush remain.
Imagine: The lease is about to expire. Lessee (Mecom) offers lessor (Henderson) $90 per acre for an extension, telling him, "I could extend for two more years without consent so I'm giving you free money." He explains his intention to drill more Cotton Valley wells on the Bossier Parish property. Henderson agrees to the $90, plus a royalty increase to 20%. Two months later Mecom sells the lease and other acreage to Petrohawk for $6,750 per acre.
Mecom's work isn't done. He couldn't assign the lease without Henderson's permission. After his sale Mecom flies to Shreveport to meet with Henderson and explains that the assignment was "just a chance to make money", and offers to pay off his mortgage on the ranch, which he does. Henderson sues.
No misrepresentation – read your lease
In Henderson v. Windrush Operating Co., LLC, et al, Henderson claimed that the defendants (Mecom and the original lessee, Gaylord) deceived him about the terms of the lease and about their development intentions. But,
"A party who signs a written instrument is presumed to know its contents and cannot avoid its obligations by contending that he did not read it, that he did not understand it or that the other party failed to explain it to him."
At trial Henderson was shown the continuous operations provision and agreed that the language "seems to say" that operations could extend the lease beyond its primary term.
The lease language supported Mecom's statement that the lease could be extended. While the exact nature of the extension wasn't disclosed during the discussion, a lessor is responsible for knowing what his lease says, said the court.
The court didn't buy the trial court's finding of an "ulterior motive" supporting Henderson's claim that he was lied to about Mecom's future intentions, citing the abrupt spike in land prices after the extension was negotiated.
No relation of confidence – I'm not the friend you thought I was
A "relation of confidence" exists in Louisiana where there is a longstanding and close relationship between the parties due to numerous transactions. Courts have found this relationship in a family relationship, a 25-year long business relationship, and between spouses. Henderson only met Gaylord in 2005 and Mecom in 2007. The court concluded that the relationship here was not extensive and was limited to intermittent social and business interactions.
That Henderson assisted Mecom in obtaining leases from Henderson's neighbors, Mecom gave Henderson a $10,000 Christmas present because "it was the right thing to do", and they discussed going into the saltwater disposal business together, wasn't enough to convince the court.
Lessee: In a fraud suit brought by the former local police chief, don't expect to win at trial.
Lessor: Read your lease! Don't rely on the unctuous words from your "friend", the silky-smooth lessee.
Bonus observation: Congrats to Mecom III, who in this case and his Petrohawk deal fared better than any of his daddy's Saints teams ever did.
DISCLAIMER: Because of the generality of this update, the information provided herein may not be applicable in all situations and should not be acted upon without specific legal advice based on particular situations.
© Gray Reed & McGraw, P.C.
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John Kline
John Kline News
News on John Kline continually updated from thousands of sources around the net.
Meat labeling dispute sparks debate over national sovereignty, free trade
Friday May 22 | Star Tribune | Comment?
ITT Tech Execs Kevin Modany and Dan Fitzpatrick Charged with Fraud
Wednesday May 13 | City Pages | Comment?
The Supreme Court can't save Obamacare, but Congress should
Tuesday May 12 | Newsday | Comment?
Pro&Con: Congress is pledged to offer coverage for all, no matter how the court rules
Friday May 8 | SouthCoastToday.com | Comment?
Traditional Colleges Unite with For-Profit Higher Ed to Keep the Gov't Cash Flowing
Thursday May 7 | City Pages | Comment?
Republicans Already Under Fire For Voting To Block Predatory Lending Protections For Troops
Monday May 4 | Switched | Comment?
Fed Judge Strikes Down California's 10-Day Gun Waiting ...
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53 Stars Who Died Shockingly Young
Manspreading: Reason to arrest?
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John Kline Votes Against Protecting Soldiers From Predatory Lenders
Monday May 4 | City Pages | Comment?
Campaign priorities indicated by Congress members' most used words
Friday May 1 | Star Tribune | Comment?
Editorial: Wellness bill in Congress raises privacy concerns
Thursday Apr 30 | Boston.com | Comment?
John Kline Silent as Pressure Mounts Against His Sugar Daddy, For-Profit Colleges
Thursday Apr 30 | City Pages | Comment?
Opting Out of Education Data Shortchanges Students
Thursday Apr 30 | US News & World Report | Comment?
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Michael Jordan Destroys President Obama's Inept Golf Game [NSFW VIDEO]
Michael Jordan is arguably the greatest basketball player of all-time, but it's his comments about the president's talent on the links that are making waves now.
Michael Jordan is arguably the greatest basketball player of all-time, but it's his comments about the president's talent on the links that are making waves now.
There's gotta be a better way to spend the offseason.
Now this is crazy! I have no ideal what golf course this is, but it's more than likely in Florida somewhere. A couple of guys out to play a little golf get more than they bargained for as two alligators battle it out right on the course.
Martin Kaymer shot a one-under par 69 on Sunday to win the 2014 U.S. Open golf championship at Pinehurst in North Carolina in dominant fashion.
Who says golf isn't a contact sport?
Hitting a hole-in-one is an amazing accomplishment at any age, but it's extra special when you do it when you're nearly a century old.
There's no doubt that Tiger Woods is one of the greatest golfers to ever play the game. For the past decade he's dominated the sport like no one else.
Danish golfer Thomas Bjorn just bought himself an $80,000 television camera.
Bjorn was hitting a ball out of some tall grass at the British Open yesterday (July 18), hit a terrible shot and shanked it right into the camera shattering the lens.
But don't wo
Caleb C. isn't a golf prodigy. No, he's a golf rap prodigy.
Adam Scott birdied the second playoff hole to beat Angel Cabrera and win the 2013 Masters at Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia on Sunday. In winning his first-ever major, Scott became the first Australian ever to win the Masters
With its winner receiving a gaudy green jacket that wouldn't be out of place at a retirement home, the Masters is hardly a beacon of contemporary taste. Golf's most revered championship takes place this weekend in Augusta, Ga


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Main navigation | Main content
Rhonda Zurn, College of Science and Engineering, firstname.lastname@example.com, (612) 626-7959
Brooke Dillon, University News Service, email@example.com, (612) 624-2801
Andre Salles, Fermilab Office of Communication, email@example.com, (630) 840-3351
MINNEAPOLIS / ST. PAUL (10/08/2013) — Several University of Minnesota scientists were among the U.S. researchers who played a significant role in advancing the discovery of the Higgs boson, the elusive subatomic particle that plays a crucial role in the fabric of the universe. The entire physics community is celebrating today's announcement that British theorist Peter Higgs and Belgian theorist Francois Englert were awarded the Nobel Prize in physics for their work developing the theory of what is now known as the Higgs field, which gives elementary particles mass.
Twenty-one University of Minnesota faculty, researchers, students, engineers and technicians are currently involved in the Compact Muon Solenoid (CMS) experiment. The University of Minnesota has been involved since 1993 and has played a key role in the design and construction of the CMS detector. The University of Minnesota researchers are among nearly 2,000 physicists from U.S. institutions—including 89 U.S. universities and seven U.S. Department of Energy laboratories—who participate in the ATLAS and CMS experiments.
The majority of U.S. scientists participating in LHC experiments work primarily from their home institutions, remotely accessing and analyzing data through high-capacity networks and grid computing. The University of Minnesota was responsible for core components of the electromagnetic and hadronic calorimeters that were a critical part of the discoveries.
The discovery of the Higgs boson at CERN was the culmination of decades of effort by physicists and engineers around the world, at the LHC but also at other accelerators such as the Tevatron accelerator, located at Fermilab, and the Large Electron-Positron accelerator (LEP), which once inhabited the tunnel where the LHC resides. Work by scientists at the Tevatron and LEP developed search techniques and eliminated a significant fraction of the space in which the Higgs boson could hide.
"The search for a Higgs has been a very long one, including my own Ph.D. dissertation work years ago at LEP," said University of Minnesota professor of physics and astronomy Jeremiah Mans. "To finally have an initial confirmation of the Higgs concept has been very exciting. Now we are opening the chapter of study rather than search, on which all of us in the University of Minnesota CMS group are hard at work."
University of Minnesota physics and astronomy professor Roger Rusack has been actively involved with the LHC since 1993. He helped design and develop many of the detector's components, including the electromagnetic calorimeter (ECAL). The ECAL measures the energies of photons produced in the collisions – a key way of searching for the Higgs boson. Rusack spent two years at CERN (2009-10) as a leader of a group of nearly 100 international physicists tasked with keeping the ECAL operating at its best.
"It has been a long road to get here, beginning all the way back in the mid-1980's in the time of the supercollider when we started designing detectors to find the Higgs," Rusack said. "We have been looking forward to this day since then. In all the time that we prepared for this, building detectors, analyzing data it has been a real privilege to be the person to introduce so many of our undergraduates and graduate students to the exciting world of discoveries in fundamental science. No doubt, there is much more to come."


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- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
Doody's Review ServiceReviewer: Tariq M. Malik, MD (University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine)
Description: This is a complete textbook of pain that keeps its focus and wastes no time discussing issues that have no clinical utility like billing or establishing a pain clinic. The last edition was published in 1999 and this edition was certainly needed in view of the changes that have occurred in the field.
Purpose: The main theme of this book has always been the synthesis of basic and clinical science because of the personal experience of the original editors in bench and bedside research, and the current editors have continued that tradition. Chronic pain is still not fully understood and hence it is poorly controlled. Only when pain is better understood at molecular level are new and improved therapies discovered. This book continues to be the source of that missing link between the basic and clinical aspects of pain that is readily available to pain physicians.
Audience: This is best suited for practitioners who deal with pain in any form: acute or chronic, somatic or visceral. In that respect, it is useful for every practitioner, including neurologists, pain physicians, urologists, gastroenterologists or even gynecologists, etc. It is intended to improve the understanding of pain. The contributing authors are well known authorities in their fields.
Features: The book covers the topic of pain in a very logical way. It starts with pain physiology and anatomy in the peripheral and central nervous system. Then it goes on to discuss different pharmacological methods to target different pain conditions based on abnormal physiology. This is followed by discussions of different clinical conditions of pain, namely headache or cancer pain, and their management. The most outstanding features of the book, other than its content, are the color illustrations and the print, which are very pleasing to the eye. Most pain books I am familiar with are very dull, particularly in the discussion of the basic science. The best part of this edition is the online version which is continually updated, so one can always rely on this source. One drawback is the limited material on interventional pain techniques. Interventional pain physicians may find this book less than complete. Another shortcoming is the limited amount of time the book spends on chronic back pain, which consumes 80 percent of the clinical practice of an interventional pain physician.
Assessment: This book does a lot to improve the understanding of pain, but it is not meant to teach procedures in pain management. There are quite a few books available on pain management, including Bonica's Management of Pain, 3rd edition, Loeser et al. (Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2001), Practical Management of Pain, 3rd edition, Raj et al. (Mosby, 2000), and Principles and Practice of Pain Medicine, 2nd edition (McGraw-Hill, 2004), by Warfield and Bajwa. These all serve different purposes, whether as a quick read for an exam or just to learn procedures. No book works more at improving the understanding of pain than this one. The book has one theme — applying basic knowledge to clinical situations. It is not based on personal experience or case reports, everything is a scientific fact. The previous edition was six years old and certainly needed to be updated. No less important is the decision to have an online version so that the book never loses its up-to-date quality.


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Wyoming Game and Fish Department - Page 2
Warm Trout Habitat May Curb Anglers This Summer
G&F Not Expecting High Winter Mule Deer Deaths
PINEDALE, Wyo. (AP) — Thanks to a fairly mild winter, Wyoming wildlife managers are not expecting significant winter deaths among mule deer herds.
Biologist Dean Clause of the Wyoming Game and Fish Department says initial surveys show a fawn mortality rate of about 19 percent this past winter
Felony Poaching Convictions For Ten Sleep Ranchers
Convictions in a felony poaching case last month will mean substantial fines and likely prison time for ranch owners in the Ten Sleep area.
According to the release from the Wyoming Game and Fish Department, Richard Carter Sr, owner of Big Horn Adventure Outfitters, and his sons, RC and Mark trafficked in trophy elk on the Carter Ranch from 2003 to 2009
Dan Speas Fish Hatchery Dedication Set for April 27
Golden Eye Reservoir, Live Bait No-Go Zone
A change in fishery management at Golden Eye Reservoir means no more live bait allowed and the Wyoming Game and Fish Department want to get that message out.
"We still have the Winter Ice Fishing Provisions in place there, but we want to avoid additional non-game fish accidentally being introduced and that's why we prohibit live bait fish use at Golden Eye
Moose Killed By Cars Prompt Renewed Warnings
Game and Fish Seek Help On Another Casper Area Poach
National Wolf Awareness Week In Wyoming
Grizzly, 2 Cubs Removed from Cody Area By Game and Fish
CODY (AP) — The Wyoming Game and Fish Department has trapped and moved a grizzly bear and her two cubs from a ranch near Cody.


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BOISE -- Starting next week, the state will take charge of coordinating care and resources for thousands of elderly and vulnerable people in southwest Idaho.
The change comes after 24 years of management by a non-profit group, and even the governor is weighing in on the change.
Right now, the Agency on Aging serving southwest Idaho coordinates services for seniors and other vulnerable adults in 10 counties. That agency falls under the Idaho Council of Governments, also known as ICOG.
One of the programs the agency works with is Metro Meals on Wheels. But that won't be the case for much longer.
It's a very problematic situation where the seniors at risk are really at risk, said David Leroy, ICOG's attorney.
ICOG is a non-profit, but its agency runs in large part due to state and federal grant money provided through a contract with the Idaho Commission on Aging. Late last month, the state office announced it was not renewing its contract with the Area Agency on Aging serving Southwest Idaho because of serious deficiencies in the administration. According to Leroy, that contract makes up about 90 percent of ICOG's operations. It's worth millions of dollars.
The government is not very effective when it becomes a personality battle, Leroy said.
He's talking about a clash between the two groups' leaders. Both sides are pointing fingers at each other. In a letter of action, Idaho Commission on Aging officials cite mismanagement and an unwillingness to work together as reasons the change is being made.
ICOG officials say the conflict started after they spoke up about a possibly faulty funding formula used by the state to distribute money to aging agencies.
It's taken us 24 years to build this service providing agency, Leroy said. To have it dismembered at midnight or 5:00 p.m. on Monday is of course of great concern to us, to the employees who no longer have a job.
He says two dozen employees are on the chopping block. But a bigger concern for the non-profit is the quality of care provided to the thousands of people the agency currently serves.
Governor Butch Otter says the state is worried about that, too.
Whatever happens in the future, I've asked for it to be seamless. We have to take care of those seniors, Otter said. They have to have a high level of confidence that what they had before is not going to be interrupted.
The state says it has already set up a new office and hired staff, including some current ICOG employees.
Idaho Commission on Aging administrator Sam Haws wrote in an email, that her agency was working to make the transition easy.
My entire time and attention is currently being dedicated to ensure the smooth transition of services, she wrote. Our clients are our number one priority.
Haws added that the transition plan includes securing the building, hiring staff, installing equipment and training employees. She noted that a transition meeting was held with the Area Agency on Aging for Southwest Idaho for the transfer of records and equipment, but did not elaborate further.
But ICOG representatives are worried there's just not enough time to make that happen.
It's an open question what will happen to these services, to these seniors, Leroy said. Hopefully, the state will take it over seamlessly and successfully.
Meanwhile, ICOG has also filed a lawsuit in federal court asking a judge to decide if the Idaho Commission on Aging's funding formula is correct. That's still playing out.
The attorney representing Otter and the state declined to comment due to the pending litigation.
Haws says the interim office for senior services is located at 701 South Allen Street in Meridian. It's across the street from St. Luke's. It will open July 1.
those with questions can call 208-332-1745 or 1-844-689-7652.


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Super Street Fighter IV
- Platforms: PS3, X360
- Developer: Capcom
- Publisher: Capcom
- Genre: Fight
- VN:F [1.9.22_1171]User Score: 0 votes
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Super Street Fighter IV features the full roster of 25 characters from Street Fighter IV such as Ryu, Ken, Crimson Viper, Abel, El Fuerte and Rufus, while adding about eight characters new to the world of Street Fighter IV. The impressive new roster includes classic combatants from previous Street Fighter games like T. Hawk as well as all-new characters such as the mysterious and deadly female fighter, Juri.
Super Street Fighter IV adds new Ultra Combos and advancements to the state of the art online matchmaking and online gameplay introduced in Street Fighter IV with numerous additional features. Super Street Fighter IV takes many of the groundbreaking features introduced in Street Fighter IV and refines everything to deliver the ultimate vision of Street Fighter to fans the world over
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Super Street Fighter IV
If the original game just fell off your Top5 games on the wishlist, then now the time has come to buy Super Street Fighter IV
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'Pinkalicious, the Musical! Children's Theatre at its Most Delicious!
By Stephanie Ila Silver-Silberstein
I'm convinced that every Metro Mama's list of New Year's Resolutions looks more or less the same: 1. Stop 'taste-testing' my kid's mac 'n cheese and lose those last 5 pounds already. 2. Turn off the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and go to sleep early. 3. Put myself in a time out if I <... >