text:
Sanctuary for the Abused
Monday, June 23, 2014
The Romantic Sociopath
Sociopaths make up roughly 7% percent of the USA population. These are people who seem to lack what might be called a 'conscience'. They do not seem to have feelings of 'guilt' or 'shame' for harming others. They are ruthless in getting what they want. They are narcissistic to the point of being insensitive.
But what makes them dangerous – is that although they are emotionally bankrupt at the core – they are masters of creating the "illusion" of having so much to offer.
The Romantic Sociopath…
- Want what they want - without regard to consequences
- takes what they want – without regard to other rights or freedoms
- Does what they want – without remorse or regard to anyone else's rights
They are the "ultimate emotional chameleons" They know how to mimic feelings. If you want someone who is charming, sensitive, assertive, dashing, sensual, intelligent" - they will mirror that back to you. They giving you the sensation you have found that "twin-soul" & your perfect other half.
How can you spot a Romantic Sociopath?
This is not easy to do. But there are some signs.
1. Romantic Sociopaths swing from one relationship to another.
Like a monkey swings from one tree limb to another. Why? Because they do not like to be alone. Remember they are emotionally bankrupt inside and therefore use others for emotional or sexual stimulus. They will stay with one a partner for as long as the emotions are new and run high but few novel. But will move on when things become "routine" or if that person's emotional well runs dry or things become 'inconvenient' for them.
2. They attach themselves quickly. The romantic sociopath is always on the lookout for a better emotional supplier. (prey) Once they spot a target they move quickly.
They could propose marriage within hours of meeting you. Sweep you off you feet and dazzle you. Then they will tell you why that other relationship isn't working. (she's crazy, a scorned woman, hell hath no fury, she's a liar, she's a stalker...)
Convince you they are sincere, and swing from the previous bed into yours – never seeming to take a breath.
3. They don't bring much with them. They seem to have very few long term, genuine friends and family. Instead they quickly absorb into your life.
From the start they 'fit right in.' You share the same the same feelings and they take on the same attitudes, political ideas, hobbies, and social networks that you provide.
4. They are contemptuous and cruel to those they discard. Remember that emotional bankruptcy? Well now that they have no use for you anymore – they have found a new supplier. Then you will begin to see is the real persona. (watch the hate campaign, smear and covert attacks on the old partner(s) and that person's credibility.
Anyone who speaks badly about their ex should be WATCHED! - YOU could be next!)
This might look like a monster. Like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Yyou might wonder "who is this person? Where did the romantic, sensitive, dashing lover go?"
The sad news is they were never there.
What you encountered was the equivalent of an relationship Hit and Run.
Labels: abuser, emotional rape, liar, love bombing, luring, narcissist, no empathy, psychopath, romance, sex addict, sociopath, verbal abuse
108 Comments:
- said...
I must be as sick as my husband of almost 23 years and two kids later! He's a sociopath and i didn't know it? I am physically ill today i stumbled on the description of a sociopath this morning and i am still reeling! my husband either bums and mistreats me and the kids or he gets all busy and works, usually out of town he's a pilot he's eaten up with all the symptoms and the porn and other addictions as well. i am so glad he's in his work mode right now i could cry with relief. what to do what to do i feel like the world just tilted god almighty if feel crazed!
- said...
This sounds like my ex husband in some many ways..it wasn't until after many years of divorce, that I started to realized how sick he is and how bad it was living with a person who was abusive, obsessed, manipulative, cunning..clarmer..with pyschopathic behaviors..who has continue to attack me in court..over non existant issues..letters..nasty phone calls, and use of lawyers..even after I stopped having any contact with him, he still does these things..does it ever stop?
- said...
I dated one for 3 years. Nothing made sense with him. He found me on a christian dating site. A single parent..perfect victim for him. He was charming, beautiful, seemed smart. A narcissist, too. He quickly wanted to meet me to my hesitation, he still took a train 2500 miles away. After telling him he couldn;t stay and had to get a job he moved to the city 2 hrs away but basically tried controlling me. He sucked the life from me and my child. He called me constantly and only showed up on weekends. Little did I know until finally making a couple calls out west that he moved to the east coast with his longtime girlfriend. Tattoo on his chest (woman's name) he said was his sister's name-who died at birth.. a memorial to her. Found out it was the longtime g-friend's name. I would not "sign" for an apartment or car for him obviously- not knowing who he really was or where he really came from so he used his girlfriend..I guess I was the one he was cheating on HER with. SICK, sick..sick. HE called me constantly. I couldn;t have any friends. He wanted me to "submit" to him although he was off and away and I could never get the truth from him. I KNEW he was lyhing about everything- he never left traces of things..paid me $ orders after forging my name on guitar equipment-- (*he was a rock star you know in Los Angeles) He drove a BMW 760 although he rented cars here on the east coast as I know he still does. The BMW was either something he had another woman buy (sugar mama) or it was reposessed although he said it was recalled ...yeah that was over 3 yrs ago and he was still renting as of a month ago- LOL. I threatened court with the forgery so he pays but I ended it many times and this time it's been good --it's been months now and I am healing from this man with anti social disorder(sociopath)....he is everything that the books say about the charm, lies, cheating and deceit. He gets involved in many different businesses and sales then says he is vice president. :-) I am glad to know there is literature out there because it helps to know I was not alone. He still calls but I ignore them. I am certain since he changes jobs often that he gets let go or they figure him out and call him on it and he runs. He ran from something out west but I will never know the TRUTH. He is a chameleon who at times goes by his first and middle name ONLY. He says an ex girlfriend made him get fired (she had to be a smart one who figured him out and he was caught on something he did) He had a bad childhood (very poor) and raised himself while his mother worked a few jobs--I did find out that part was true from his ex's 2nd hubby. He had him figured out as soon as he met him he said. I fell for him but time is healing me and the more I read about this illness the better I feel that it I just will not stand for it anymore. It was so unhealthy. I gave my heart and never deserved this. I knew he was no good..but as they books say they manipulate and you get sucked in. I felt sorry for him. I had a huge attraction standing mest to him..that I couldn't help. BUT after getting blamed so many times when I did nothing..and he would have mood swings for no reason at all...and he'd take off to his other life which he lied about not having. He will deny until he dies. Oh, he had cancer too then said he wanted my attention but then turned around later and forgot he told me then he had cancer again- LOL. I am very alert and wary of trusting anyone at all today. I'd rather not date. All I can say is run as far away as you can if you are still involved and if my story sounds familiar...you need to get out NOW. He will not change, ever. Only for the worst. I could write a novel on the things that made no sense. Protect yourself and your sanity before it's too late. CHELY1
- said...
WOW!!! You have hit it right on the head. Thankfully my involvement with the sociopath was only for 2 months-but what a whirlwind. Met him on a dating site; overwhelming 1st meeting. Lathering me with all the words I wanted and needed to hear. Knew exactly how to mimic my emotions; seemed we had 'everything' in common. Had a whirlwind first couple of weeks...I fell in Love dang it. THEN he practically moved himself into my home 24/7. Turns out he is homeless...yes homeless but owned a Hummer & a Harley (being repossessed). After a month, he started changing because he was obviously 'bored' with me...I told him he wasn't the same and I knew he was lying about things so I broke it off for a week. He threatened suicide and all kinds of outlandish things. Swayed me (Yes I bought it) into trying again...fessed up about a few things to try to pacify me...but was still lying...phone always hidden. I found a woman's email on his phone and wrote her...he slept with her the week we were apart and was schmoozing her whilst with me. Did a public records check on him and the guy is wanted for embezzlement and fraud.
What a charmer this guy was; I never want to let this happen again. - said...
I was involved with a Charming Electrician from Fullerton, CA for about 8 months who was 10 yrs younger than I. The night I met him he swept me off my feet and told me everything that I wanted to hear for those 8 months until the real him started to unravel and I started calling him on his lies and deceit. Yes, he was homeless so moved into my home immediately followed by an engagement 3 months later. Everything felt so right - he was emotionally supporting me and I was financially supporting him. My mistake cost me about $15,000 by the time It was all said and done. Eventaully something in my gut told me he was being deceitful so I started checking phone records, bank accounts etc. and learned that he was working on yet another victim at a dive bar near his work. That is when I ended our relationship and threw him out for good. Ladies watch out for these guys - they seem very real from the start and will tell you and make you believe anything you want to hear. and to the man who emotionally and financially wrecked me, you know who you are C.L. and I am coming after you. So watch you back!
- said...
A friend of mine actually showed me a link about sociopathic behavior...thinking it defined her husband...and silly me, it completely defines my soon-to-be ex-husband. We were together a week when he proposed & married about 5weeks later. I got pregnant a week later...so even when I knew the marriage was over, I stayed for my son. I endured daily attacks from him (usually verbal), endured him turning my entire family against me, manipulation, and eventually infidelity. We are now going thru a divorce...one day he is like my best friend, the next he is threatening me with all kinds of things. I needed an explanation & boy do I have one now. My only concern now is how to shield my son from his behavior. I am out...I moved back home with my parents 4000 miles away from him, but he will have visitation with our son...this is scary.
- said...
Wow. These all got me. I found this 2day after my roomate has been sent reeling. The Christian websites ones got me. 2 experiences. One was so similar that untl I read about the tattoo on chest HONESTLY thought I might have been my same guy. The one who raped me within minutes of our first date (after weeks of charming conversations) was a preacher. I had hoped after the rape that he'd lied about being a preacher. Nope! That part was true, had a church and everything... And I used christianity AND my virginity to his advantage in helping me feel safe! Ladies!!! Be so careful! Good book to read: sociopath next door...
- said...
Wow! It's amazing reading other people's stories, its so close to your own. I too was with a sociopath for 3 yrs. I knew within the first 6 months, something was wrong with him, but he had a sob story for everything. they dont like to answer questions, they dont like being confronted, and no, they dont like routine, such as family & responsibility. Mine was mostly unemployed, he had 1 friend he could really speak of, and a list of women behind him that were all crazy bitches. turned out, they were only crazy because they wouldnt put up with him anymore. this guy used to masturbate to porn right after having sex with me, it got to where he never even came to bed with me, he conveniently fell asleep on the sofa every nite then would go to bed when i got up. I too, a divorced mom, 10 yrs older than him, with steady income. He used his daughter as his biggest "feel sorry for me method". said his ex was evil and tricked him into missing the court date, not at all, he had no interest, he was done with them. He uses all kinds of web sites, dating, myspace, adultfriendfinder, ect. I could go on and on with the list, and of corse, thats where we met. he found me. These are internet preditors. I strongly urge women who are divorced with kids to find a date in REAL places, not the web. they hide behind the pc so they can become what your looking for before you even meet. they study you if you will. Very good in bed (in the beginning), and thats a big part of their tool. Mine left me and my kids homeless, jobless, pennyless, and in complete confusion and pain. This was 2 months ago, and i know it will take years to trust again, along with therapy.
- said...
wow this is all very familiar to me. 3 years ago mine found me in a sports bar I used to hang out at. I was a divorced mother of 2 who owned my own house. He to told me all kinds of things we wanted the same things in life family, camping log home harley everything. as time went on my friends and family were secluded he never wanted to do things with my friends. everything was done with his family, at first it seemed sweet but then things got wierd red flags were going up constantly. he owned a house of his own but said he didnt feel comfortable there. i was never invited there because the older ex girlfriend that lived there with him he told me was confrontational and would just cause problems. 2 weeks after we started dating i got a call from this "ex" who said i was stupid and he was still sleeping with him" of course how could he be he practcally lived at my house. I cooked did his wash he used my vehicle without putting gas in it. I overlooked all these things. unfortunately at the beginning he told me he never wanted children but he loved me so much i was the only one he could ever see having a baby with, stupid me got pregnant. I thought I was fulfilling his dream. He had nothing to really do with me during the pregnancy then when i had the baby he didnt even hold my hand during the birth. i seriously think he wanted a baby for his parents,he started going out, was an alcoholic was caught out witha women while i was at home with our 4 month old and moy other two kids. He had me cosign for a new harley and he left me. he threatened to take me to court for my baby had no problem taking her from me during her first holidays and like a fool i cried and begged him to say even with all the emotional and verbal abuse. Now a year later and so much that happenend that would take me a year to write about he is still with the woman he was cheating on me with who going through a divorce and also has 2 children. as soon as he knew i wanst going to stand for his lies he discarded me and my kids and moved on with this woman. Terrible thing is he still wants visitation with my now 2 year old baby and i still have to see him twicw a week. i never got closure and the pain is still great. i believed him so much that I was who he wanted to grow old with its so hard to believe that it was all an act and no remorse with how he used me
- said...
WOW!!!!!! Scary! I was married to a sociopath on a drug called methadone. I still need therapy, Now!!! Only been divorced for over a year. OMG, so terrible! He changes names, names of his women (really victims), dates and times mean nothing to him. He told people we never married, his father was the preacher. Two little boys together, so I have to deal with him. He has tricked me so many times that he still loves me. Lol, he has no real feelings. Hooked up with stripper and left the children, no support ever. Anything in his life of real importance, he will change and say that it never happened. I just wish the children and I could just move away across the United States. He will always bother us, sometimes just to see my reaction, it's fun for him.
- said...
One thing all of you on here have to realize as you write that you miss your ex sociopath (some actually do) or that you see him with his new girlfriend doing all kinds of wonderful things...
He is doing the same thing to them that he did to you. Do not miss him. Let him go and be happy you are out of his life and that he has moved on. I know it hurts to think he is charming someone else, but trust me, they will endure the seame pain you did and YOU are the lucky one that you are free from this person. You are the lucky one that you are on this website and that you now recognize the signs of a sociopath and will never let yourself encounter another one again. You are the lucky one now - enjoy the rest of your life and be happy about that. - said...
I was married to a Sociopath for 28 years. Please read my blogs at SAVEYOURSELF.OVER-BLOG.COM. Here's today's blog:
The Sociopaths in my life, however, did make one critical mistake. In their efforts to strip me of everything that I care about, they actually showed me that the most important things I still have and these are things that they can never have. In other words, in their ruthless efforts to win, they have handed me the greatest victory.
One of the most significant traits of a Sociopath is that they ALWAYS win. They will always get their way, because there is no depth to which they will not stoop to accomplish their goal, which is self-gratification. Nothing matters to them except what they want, so they have absolutely no problem manipulating even their own children. They are not parents, but Sociopaths masquerading as parents. They are not spouses, but Sociopaths masquerading as spouses, etc.
I am a person who is capable of loving others and of being loved, because I am my true self. I do not walk through life with a mask on. People who have not been manipulated by the Sociopaths know who I really am and love me. Despite the fact that people who I held dear are actually Sociopaths who have used me ruthlessly, I am able to recognize the people in my life who are not Sociopaths and who are worthy of my love. I continue to give them love whole-heartedly. I am not permanently damaged - my inner-light and great capacity to love others is alive and well. My spirit has survived.
This is something a Sociopath can never say. They can never be loved for themselves, because they know how evil they are and the only way they can exist in their selfish ways is to hide who they are from everyone. They consider themselves to be incredibly clever, because they spend all their time deciding how best to manipulate the thoughts, feelings and actions of others. But what this truly means is that they are not worthy of love and will never have love, because the person they convince others to love is not them, but simply a fictional character the Sociopath has created.
Sociopaths are also not capable of loving others. To me, loving others is one of the greatest privileges that life has to offer. Selflessly giving to the people you love is wonderful for the soul. I will continue to shower love and care on my wonderful friends who are my real family. I have survived believing that I am worthy of the love of my caring, giving, nurturing and supportive friends.
Al Alba Vincero!!! - said...
If you have children with a Sociopath, please try to get them away from them. Do all you can to have them diagnosed in an effort to limit contact with your children. I did not realize my husband of 28 years was a Sociopath and now my two grown daughters behave exactly like him. There is some evidence that Sociopathy can be genetic, but plenty of evidence that is it learned behavior.
Please take it from me, you don't want to end the relationship with the Sociopath only to have your children continue to treat you the same way. It is the biggest heartbreak in the world to allow these monsters to control the minds and hearts of your children.
Please petition the court to have a mental health evaluation of the sociopath parent in an effort to save your children's future mental health and well-being. - said...
here are the writings of a sociopath :
eduardowagar.blogspot.com - said...
I am gay man who met this other guy at a bar...he said he worked construction but really had odd jobs...a truck which he drove but revoked driver's license...he was charming...muscular...and very sexy...my family has serveral businesses in town and he wanted to work for them...but something was not roight... foound out after dating he was a meth/crack addict...alcoholic and inside very angry...very hypersexual..i would hopeless when i was with him...he was a partyboy...found out that he was on parole...and when i got tired of entertaining him and didn't get him involved with my family...he was angry and said I'm NOT GAY but then moved on to another target, a woman who he quickly got on drugs with him..i called his parole officer and they did find he gave a false address..was using drugs...lied about everything..he's off parole now and i know he hates me for exposing him...he told me he was abused, poor as a kid,etc
- Brenda G Uhlir said...
Read about narcissistic personality disorder...younwill stop blaming yourself and feeling guilty about not being able to help someone like this. They simply cannot be helped.
- said...
I felt as though I was ready to start dating again, but with work and my children I didn't have the time and desire to hit the bars. So I joined an internet dating site. He saw my profile, and was so nice and decent, funny, handsome, all of it. I was adamant about not getting serious, told him over and over again that I did not want a relationship, but just wanted to go out and have a nice dinner or something once in a while. He asked me why, and I didn't want to tell him. He started with being empathetic to my feelings about my last relationship, made me feel like he understood, showed compassion and understanding. He told me he loved me within a couple of weeks of dating. He said he just knew in his heart that I was the right one for him. I refused to say it back for months. He was relentless, when I wouldn't say it he would tell me that I can't shut down emotionally, I have to let someone in. Basically, he said all the right things to get me to tell him my most private fears and thoughts. He then started asking to meet my kids. He has 4 daughters himself, and he was so adamant about convincing me to allow him to meet them. I kept it really casual at first, but my kids were even more suseptible to lies than I was of course. They instantly fell in love with him, and after that he felt as though he had a free card to just completely invade my home. I would tell him that I had things to do at night, and he would show up with dinner and a movie for the kids. I always felt as though something wasn't right, but when I would tell him I just didn't feel like he was being completely honest with me, he would say things like "I would have to be a psycho to be able to say the things I have said to you and not mean them. Do I act like a psycho to you?" He knew every little thing about how my mind works in just a matter of a couple of months, and could manipulate me into completely going against my better judgement and my own beliefs, and just bend to his will. So, after a while I just allowed myself to love him, allowed my children to love him, and just sat back and allowed myself to enjoy being with him, and even secretly started thinking I would probably marry him one day. He then decided it was probably a good idea to buy a new truck to pull my camper with. I was saving for just an old beater truck, because I didn't feel the need to get into debt for an extra towing vehicle. But once again, the more I resisted the more he worked to convince me that we needed to buy a 17,000 vehicle. When I tried to stand up to him and say I wasn't going to use my good credit to get into a vehicle I couldn't afford, he swore to me that he would never leave me, that he was going to marry me very soon, that I was his best friend, that I had nothing to be afraid of. When I still resisted, he then told me that I must not love him if I don't trust what he says. So, of course, I bought a Nissan Xterra, way more vehicle than i need. But it was like as soon as there was nothing left to get from me, nothing left to challenge him with (at this point I was in it hook, line and sinker), he just decided one day that he wasn't attracted to me anymore. He thought he loved me, but just loved the idea of me. Within 24 hours he went from loving me for the rest of my life, to basically telling me to drop dead. There were a million warning signs in the beginning, but I believed his lies. He knew exactly what to say to get me to let my guard down, and once he won every battle there was to win with me, he just dropped me and my kids. We met in November and he left yesterday March 27th. Now I am in debt, and I feel like a complete fool. If someone tells you they love you, and in your heart you know that they can't possibly love you when they don't even know you, just run. Get out of his/her radar as fast as you can. It will save yourself alot of hurt.
- AbetterTaratoday said...
I too married a man just like that,on the outside he appeared to be a good guy but really sexually and mentally abused me for years and i kept it all to myself.If it wasn't for the neighbors calling the police on him then no one would of known.
Its odd how really cunning they can be appearing to be so loving when others are around not even his family knows him i wish i wasn't so naive and weak and continued to let him abuse me.
I am such a strong woman physically but let this happen to me i am so ashamed i let such a evil man control me. - said...
I have a feeling I just stumbled upon the description of the man I am dating. This is very disappointing because everything that has been written hits home on so many levels. They can be so bipolar in their behaviors towards ou - one day sweet and loving, then a week of cold shoulder and acting like you don't matter, treating you like a stranger, and then when you confront them about it they either don't want to talk or try to brush it off, or give vague or unrelated responses. Is this head trauma? Genetic? Due to overuse of recreational drugs and alcohol? Who knows I guess. All I can say is that it is emotionally taxing and it's like being a babysitter for a behaviorally challenged child in an adults body. Frustrating and not worth my time, yet I weight both the good and the bad when it comes to people in my life, and no one is perfect, but when cons outweigh pros and someone thinks it's ok to treat you like you don't matter, or are not proud to be by your side, then it is time to run in the other direction and let go before they drain you of your life force and your precious time.
- said...
I am with one as we speak, we've been together for a year.. and I am trying to get away from him. He is verbally and emotionally abusive, he calls me names and belittles me, he makes me believe that I need counseling so now I am going to therapy for HIS problems, he acts irrational and is jealous, he accuses me constantly of lying and cheating, he made me cancel my Facebook account, but yet kept his and thought this was okay, gave me the excuse that he forgot his password and can't get in, yet I have no idea why I still love him. I am hanging on to what "used to be" the first 8 months of our relationship when everything was wonderful. The red flags slowly started appearing about 7 months into it, but I ignored them. Since them it's spiraled out of control. We live together and I am seeking a therapist to fix "me" is what he thinks, which I am trying to get help in leaving him. My advice to all of you is, my heart goes out to you and may God give you the strength to either detect these people ahead of time, give you the courage to leave, or give you the strength to get over one of these people.
- said...
I just stumbled onto this website and although I'm not shocked by what I've read, am surprised that they all sound like the man I just left. This is my second time with him and this breakup is just as devastating as the first. I believed him when he said he wanted to get back together, that he was a changed person. But, after he told me he was falling in love with me, left for a long weekend and I could not find him. Can only assume he was with someone else. The lies and deceit is beyond my comprehension. The worst of it, is living with the fact that I failed myself a second time. I'm devastated as I truly believed he was my soul mate. I've read so many blogs, books and subscribed to several site, such as this one, but at the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror and say 'why'? Who lives this way? Makes a sport out of lying? I feel sorry for all of the people here who have had to endure the pain. As I know how badly it feels.
- said...
After 10 years, I was 100 lbs, had no self-esteem, was depressed, my heart was ripped out, I was anxious and brain washed.
He went from loving me; to twisting my words and stonewalling me. At first he told me he "adored" me, I was his "soulmate" and we were "wonderful."
If I didn't give him what he wanted he feed on my insecurities. If I didn't submit to him sexually, he would turn around and said "we weren't sexually compatible." He went out all night, if I complained he said I "was controlling him" When I begged for family time he twist my words and said I was "manipulating him." We did counseling ("he didn't need it, I did") he twisted the counselors advice about healthy boundaries in our relationship around to "his life should be boundary-less." He moved me away from my friends & family closer to his his. He went out all night to night clubs and bars. He made excuses and co-outs for his bad behaviors & immaturity. HE WAS NEVER WRONG AND NEVER TOOK FAULT.
I found Hard Core Pron he'd been using, he said I "wasn't satisfying his needs" No matter how much sex I gave him I still wasn't good enough. I felt like I was just being used instead of loved. When I was pregnant with our son he became completely detached and stayed that way for the next 6 years.
In the end he walked out. He had an affair with a married co-worker, convinced her to leave her family. At the last company party I stood there in shock as a picture of the 2 of them went up on a big screen. They were feeding cake to each other like in a wedding photo. His co-workers made comments about how she "couldn't wait for him to be hired" I was humiliated.
The divorce was an absolute nightmare. He walked out, saying "I feel nothing for you, but you'd better NOT file for divorce!" When my friend served him the papers he said "sweet." He called and left a message, while I sobbed. His message said "I know how difficult that must have been for you, I know how much you loved me." Cold, heartless without feelings. My heart was broken. He says "I did this to him." I spent $40k divorcing him, fighting for our son. He lies, cheats and uses our son as a pawn in his games. He calls our son from "happy hour" or Vegas trips with his girlfriend. He plays with our support, makes excuses that "I have taken all his money from him." He even played with my medical insurance so I couldn't get my claims paid. He was furious when I finally had his wages attached. Every drop off/ pick-up of my son is a nightmare. He calls me "paranoid." If I say he is abusing me he turns it around and says it's me "who abuses him."
He grew up in hippy communes, woman's shelters & in low income housing. His mother is mentally ill. She's had 2 psychotic breaks 1 of which she was found eating out of a dog bowel on the floor. She abuses drugs, lies, cheats, and steels. She's had 4 children by 3 different men, she never married. Her children were physically, sexually and emotionally abused. His father spent 8 yrs in jail for Cocaine.
I used to feel empathy for his childhood. Now I know it's what made him what he is. His mother told him he was "The Chosen One" that "I ruined his presidency!" She said my "breast feeding caused our sons developmental delays." He never defended me when she made absurd comments like this. He actually agreed with her.
He began compareing himself to Obama! He says he has "beautiful eyes, supple skin and he is highly intelligent now!" Need I say more? - said...
Trying to divorce my sociopath, narcissistic husband of 20 years...in the process of. Did all the exact things above, but when my children were born, took the affection away from me and projected it all on my daughter. She is now 16 and they have NO relationship because he cannot relate to any human being over the age of 12. He now focuses all his attention on my 10 1/2 year old son, who is so torn and confused by everything involving the divorce. He using my son as a pawn against me - he knows he lost my daughter...he has been emotionally and physically abusive since 6 months into our marriage...then in 2008 he put me in the hospital and I ended up dropping the charges because the kids wanted their dad back. God, if I could only have that time back! I would have been able to divorce him right away. Now he is being revengeful, vindictive, mean - you name it!!! Hang in there everyone who is still in a relationship with their abuser or narcissist - you will eventually find the strength to move away - but if you are even thinking about it, start today!!!
- said...
Wow!!! That is my ex to a tee...we were together for 6 and half years.
At first, he was very charming, funny, outgoing, adventurous "the life of the party." He wanted to get married, buy a house and have the luxury life. However. he always came up with excuses on why it was a bad time to get married or buy a house...and for some unexplainable reason we never had the money available after spending months saving. Something would always come up...some expense, yet he would convince me that he had noble intentions.
Well, after the third time of him post-poning the wedding, putting off the house idea and losing his job for the 3rd time...I was very suspicious and I was considering on leaving him. It wasn't long after that I went to speak to him at his mothers (because apparently he was suffering from depression for hitting a dog with his tractor trailer that he needed "to fix himself") we went into his car to "discuss" what was going on with his emotional state and why he wanted time apart (because 2 days before everything was fine between us). He went from "I love you, I love you"...to "I hate you, I hate you."
The more I told him that we can work it out...the more upset he got, but he would still say "I love you, you're a good person, you are a beautiful intelligent woman, but you make me feel guilty. I know I told you before that YOU are the only who can make YOU feel guilty, but you make me feel guilty."
When I agreed that the relationship was over I ask him to drive me to my friends place...he kept telling me that I never listen and that I don't obey. At that moment I said "Well, at least I saved myself the ten dollars it would of cost me to take a cab." That's when he freaked and tried pushing me out of the car going 60mph on a busy road. Of course, at that point I got out of the car and he squealed off with the car almost running over a pedestrian.
Later I discovered an entire drug lab in our garage...and other evidence hidden in the house (including small baggies, hidden bloody tissue pieces, pay stubs, unrecognizable phone numbers - not in his handwriting)...He cleaned out my bank account and took as much as he could from me...left without even saying goodbye to my daughter who is 7 years (he even had her calling him daddy) "How naive was I...lol"
So I disconnected my phone and left no evidence on where I am living now.
It has been 2 months since our relationship ended...and he already has a new victim in his clutches. He also moved 3 blocks away from me and I am concerned. I definitely will never go back and there is absolutely no contact. But he is a little too close to me for my comfort. - said...
I swear when reading these posts - Some of you know my husband. He has left a string of broken people in his wake. He is in prison now and could get out as early as next month. I am desparately hoping and praying that they keep him longer.
He used his kids - Single daddy of two lovely children to reel in this widow. Used me up. I would have left much, much sooner but for those two lovely children. They are adjusting nicely in his absence.
I filed for divorce, however, he somehow managed to get the courts to give him a continuance until he is released because - He loves his wife and wants to prove his devotion to her.
I need to keep on track and stay strong and not listen to any of his bs. - Filipe said...
I've always thought that whoever is sick on the mind wants to make other people sick too.
- said...
I am so sick to my stomach. Like all of you as well I have been living with a sociopath for 7 years now. We have done the whole counseling thing and like one woman said he would twist and manipulate what the counsoler said in his favor. I have a 5 year old daughter with him and a son who is now 12. My son is absolutely sick of him becuase all he does is yell at him. I keep finding all of these dating websites such as discreet neighbor, adult friend finder and such. They are absolutely sick. He threw me and the children out of the house becuase he said that he wasn't in love with me anymore. Then told us to come home and I fell right back into his trap. He said he has no feeling for anything and that he is emotionally dead inside. Lies Lies Lies.. That is all I hear. He lies about everything even things that are so stupid. He tells me what I want to hear to keep me hear. He is my only financial support right now so I kind of depend on him. I told him that we are done and I am just staying in our house until me and the children can find our way. He said he doesn't want me to leave. He sat there last night and chatted on his computer with some girl right in front of me. It is killing me. I need advice. How do I get strong. How do I get to that point. I know that he will never change. He told me that he knows something is wrong with him but He wont seek help. He said he is not ready yet. I am sick of the porn and the girls behind my back and the money. I have to ask him like he is my father for money. I feel useless and worthless and I feel guilty for my kids. I feel like I messed their lives up. I feel like it is all my fault because I was so stupid and careless. Please help and tell me how to get strong when I have to live under the same roof with him..
- Barbara said...
Get to a DV or Women's Center and start seeing a COUNSELOR or therapist - make a plan and GET OUT NOW.
Do NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE DOING THIS!!! For your own sanity and the well being of your children you MUST get away from him. - Scotty B said...
Two weeks ago I uncovered an affair my wife of 5 years was involved in. During the past two weeks I have come to realize I have been with a romantic sociopath for 7 years; the conning, the manipulation, the lies, the multiple affairs, etc. all appear very clear now. Over the course of this separation, and subsequent divorce, her family, my children and I are all devastated and left dumbfounded. She has no remorse, no empathy or accountability. The manipulations all happened in such small ways that you convince yourself you're doing it for the better of the relationship. All too late you realize how much you have been drained by this morally bankrupt individual and then left for another.
- said...
I was with a guy for four years, whom i didn't equate as am s. i assumed, like he said, his unstable upbringing was the reason he felt little attachment to anyone but me. but he became progressively worse, and when i cried, he loved me the most? i started to lose control of myself, i caught his love letters to mutiple girls stating i was both physically and emotionally abusive! he would deny it, saying that it wasn't what it said, i let him convince me that because of my crying spells i was losing my mind. he rarely ever hit me, but when he did, he would run off, never apologise, and would start spreading rumors i hit him. he even told mutual friends, but the truth came out. he ran off, after leaving me a string of mixed voicemails and texts, first i loveyou, forgive me, i am scared, then the threats. Today, i am finding i am so hurt and angry that he's been on this mear campaign still, that i have isolated myself. even though he is absent, i am still feeling like he owns me. people are afraid to get too close to me, because they fear his return, but when he does eventually return, people prefer to be on his good side. i feel so alone and angry. how can someone recover? why is it that this illness even exists or how? i just want my life back, before him. and i want to feel safe again.
- said...
WOW... this my kids' dad in every blog. i guess i always knew something was not right,but i thought i was in love. I would watch my mom and dad fight ALL THE TIME. I guess this became my normal. After reading this i think my dad is a sociopath too. they say you pick a man like her dad.The abuse started early @17. we meet in highschool. we had a on again off again relationship for 17 years and created two children. the last 3 years would be the worst.
I had my own apartment and he convinced me to move back with him 3 years. @ this point we only had one kid and i thought having both his parents living together would be nice. I did not know that he had a "friend" because i thought we were woking through our problems. my ex had this nex chic move from her grandmothers into her own apartment and left her two weeks later, because she had a WHOLE LOT more issues then i had. Texting me "the grass ain't always greener". I took him back only to get knocked up a moth later, now we have two kids.
He has cheated on me countless amounts of times. the last being after i gave birth to our little girl, about a month after,but i know it was during the whole nine months. I ve seen pics with him and naked women,texts they sent him. this man has been out of work for two years,the house is in foreclosure and yet he is stillon line looking up "MACKTACTICS".this is a book that he swears by.
I am happy to say now that i know what iam dealing with, i will never let this person in so far that he causes any more pain to me,my kids my be another storey. i promise to love them and show all the positive love i have and hopefully...... - said...
When i read about sociopaths i could not believe this explains so much about my marriage to my soon to be ex husband. When i met him no he had nothing and homeless. He was a good malipulator and was pulled into his drama i should have run as fast as i could but i fell in love and thought i could change him with love and support but i was used and abused.When i needed him emotionally after i had lost both my children tragically he did not want to be part of grieving so started looking for his next (prey) and up and disappeard early this year.Now he is someone else problem once i get the divorce done of course he believes what is mine he is entitled to he has cost me emotionally and finacialy and am glad he will soon be out of my life for good i deserve much better i have had to much tragedy in my life and his next ( prey ) needs to run,run and never look back. The drama and shallow emotions they put into a relationship and never have any money or possesions and then when they move on they believe they are entiled to your possesion because they don't have anything of their own.
- joe said...
I lived with a girl for 2 and 1/2 years, she moved away but still stayed with me 2=3 nights a week. I became suspicious and after three years together, I learned she had been with another guy for two of these years. I am sick, is she a true sociopath?
- said...
My heart goes out to the one that posted about her husband/sociopath and how she is dependant $$$ and has a 12 y old boy and younger girl, these sociopaths are monsters in court, she will be lucky if she keeps her children, for the family court system does not recognize personality disorders, except when one has the money to continue abuse you in court. BEST ADVICE, GO TO THE SHELTER, HAVE NO CONTACT AND FILE FIRST AS FAST AS YOU CAN, OR YOULL USE NEARLY EVERYTHING, FIRST ONE TO FILE HAS THE UPPER HAND IN COURT. My divorce took two years and nearly cost me everything, my credit, my self esteem, and the lie of a 22 year marriage, to a monster. I was fortunate that my daughter was older, but it didnt stop the judge that gave him unsupervised visitation even after an ER visit where he twisted his daughgters arm and told her she was dead to him, it took the court therapist putting her foot down and saying she was filing on behalf of my child. I am still enraged at the disaster he left me to clean up with our lives, but thankful that this sodomizing rapist is out of our lives. He raped me in ways I didnt think was possible, but I ADVISE THOSE IN A SITUATION TO GO TO THE WOMENS SHELTER, USE THEIR ATTY AND GET IN THERAPY WHERE THIS IS DOCUMENTED. LOOK UP THE WORD EVIL, WICKED, AND LOOK IT UP IN THE BIBLE, THIS IS THE SOCIOPATH, NARCCISTIST, THERE IS NO CURE FOR THIS KIND OF MONSTER.
- said...
People, this is nothing but rape. I think we need to start prosecuting these men as the criminals they are. I did not consent to sex with the man he turned out to be -- rather, I consented to sex with the persona he created. This is a con man who rapes --- a criminal.
- Barbara said...
It is emotional rape. I wish more women would and were financially able to sue for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.
- "Random Epiphanies" said...
My ex has always divided family members--especially our daughter from me and the rest of my family. Now that she is a teen, he's using her issues to create severe alienation between my daughter and me. The legal system is no help because he is a master manipulator and cares nothing for authority. Many professionals do not recognize this fact--they want to address him as a normal human being. This is futile. Keep looking for support from those who understand. Keep a file. Have witnesses. You may also read my blog for a healthy focus and direction. Take care.
- said...
I'm a 35 year old gay male. 4 years ago I met a man in passing. We immediately connected. I was in a relationship at the time so we just talked for 5 minutes and said our goodbyes. The previous relationship ended-lasted 4 years. I've never had such an instant connection as such before. Then last year, September 2, 2010, I went to the gym, as usual, and ran into him. We hit it off immediately. I fell in love with him, and he told me he loved me. We moved in together a month later, clearly too early. At the time I was so sure he was the one. He was my purpose, my motivation, my life's culmination. I realized the secret of life was the love I shared with him. Everything made sense. Red flags I accepted about him: impregnated a girl at 19, didn't abort because he's adopted-his reasoning, married, went into the airforce, impregnated her again 2 years later, dovorced 6 years after he married the mother of his 2 daughters. DADT discharged him. He moved very frequently and avoided child support for 15 years, which garnered him a felony. Only pays child support because of the threat of jail resulting in 2 wage garnishments. We were together for 3 and a half months when he met his birth family at age 41, he was adopted at 8 days old. His adoptive father was a doctor who say his bassinet covered with a blanket for 8 days so his bio mother couldn't see him. His adopted father said he and his wife weren't even thinking about having kids and practically flat out told my x they adopted him because he felt sorry for him. Up to speed then: immediately after he
met his birth mother, sister and half brother he withdrew from me and wouldn't communicate. When I asked him what his goal was with withdrawing from me he finally said, "You're no longer new and different and exciting." Verbatim, I joke not. He got mad because his previous anger management therapist old him if he feels rage when confronted with something he doesn't want to talk about, to just say that-I don't want to talk about it. Excuses, excuses. He texted me 5 and a half months ago, on a Friday, that he was moving in with a friend that weekend. I changed the locks. He told me he was angry at me, couldn't trust me and that he changed for me. I still wonder how. He did to me what his birth mother did to him. Which coincidently is pretty much what he did to his daughters. He abandoned all of us after he habituated us. We became mundane, boring. He lives not by the Golden rule, do unto others as you would have done unto yourself. Instead he lives y the Leaden Rule: first do unto others what you fear most they will do unto you, the worst thing that has been done unto them before.
I still love him as I did when things good between us early in our relationship. More than anything else in this world. I still love him despite the aforementioned red flags. I understand why he is the way he is. He's so damaged by what has been done to him. He's been rejected every stepmof the way. His adoptive parents aren't accepting of his homosexuality. I full understand what they must think of him regarding his irresponsibity as a parent. Did I mention he found it best to prioritize appearring in 2 pornographic films, Amateur Daddy Orgy and 20 Fist Weekend-himself being fisted, over fulfilling his financial responsibilities as a parent of 2 girls? His younger brother, adoptive family, called me and told me I would best serve myself by just getting over him. He also told me he couldn't trust my x as far as he could throw him and that he thinks he's a compulsive pathological liar. He gave me several compelling examples.
Nonetheless, there are many reasons why I should believe I deserve better. I do. But, 5 and a half months later I think of him every minute of everyday. I dream about him. I miss him. I still love him. The most important man in my life is so hurt and affected by the traumatic experience and circumstances of his adoption that it ultimately caused the demise of our relationship. - said...
He is a sociopath though. One of my clients recognized him when they met, I'm a hairstylist. He said he didn't recognize her, nevew saw her before, told me he felt ill and had to go home. After we broke up she got wind of it. She told me at her next appointment she recognized his name and face from years ago from when she worked as a parole/probation commissioner for the state of Missouri. She said he's a known sociopath to the state of Missouri.
Again, I'm still holding on the the man I fell in love with before he met his bio family. I know how his life experience has affected him yet I just can't shake how I feel about him. My love for him is willing to look past these shortcomings. Unfortunately, his shortcomings won't allow him to actually feel love. He's unable to truly give it or recieve it. I know that now, but I'm afraid I'll never stop loving him. My universe has been torn apart by losing him. I don't think I'll ever be able to feel love for another man. Ever. Even though I know I'll never get the same man I fell in love with back again, I also know that because of how much I loved him, through all the good and bad, that I will live the rest of my existence with an enormous hole in my heart and life that will consume me everyday until I die. I would rather him have shoved a knife through my heart, willing to hold his hands on the knife while it pierced my chest. Or held his hand on a gun aimed at my heart as he pulled the trigger. Hyperbole, yes. Metaphorical, no.
I've been in therapy for the last three months and I honestly can't currently fathom how people get over losing the one they love. I'm not suicidal, but I for the life of me I've been searching my soul, I'm not religious, for a shred of reason in this existence without him. Once one has experienced true love for another there seems to be not a single higher purpose for living. Now matter how much I want to fight for him or to repair what he did to me, I'm fully aware the emotion and devotion he mimiced to make our relationship seem to me what it was is just that and nothing more. Sociopaths learn to imitate emotions they observe to successfully manipulate their targets to feed their ego. Emotional mimicry is one of the most effective tools of their trade.
I can't shake the love I feel for him. Any helpful advice welcome and appreciated. - said...
Ive figured out today that i had been living with a sociopath for 15 years. He was the sweetest thing when i met him, instantly had a crush. I was 15 when we met but 19 when we actually got together. He was the "bad boy" type but sweet to me. I had 2 children by my ex already and gotten pregnant by him and was so happy! Well, he walked to the store to get smokes, never came back. Left a note on my car saying he didnt like Michigan and went back home to Ohio, thats where im from also. Heartbroken. A month later, as if nothing happened, there he is with his sister and her boyfriend and a big van, asking me to come back to Ohio. I accept. I found an apartment, spent my whole pregnancy with just my 2 children, he didnt live with me. He says i was too "nagging" for him. After my son was born he did move in and i notice outbursts of anger. A man who his exwife cheated on him with was outside and he jumps out the window after him! Beats him to hell! Anyway, we move again, and he starts being mean to my 3 year old son, screaming at him all the time, belittling him, hitting him. Id ask why, he would say "he deserved it, dont u see how he's acting?" This new apartment caught fire one day real bad, we lost everything, i call him at work expecting him to come right home, instead i get " well, what can i do? im at work!" I forgot to mention he has always been a beer drinker and marijuana smoker. And if he dont have it? LOOK OUT! He is a butthole! Well he was that anyway, I went in the hospital to have my gallbladder out, alone, and get a call from the ER downstairs, my 3 year olds leg is broken and they need my permission to treat! He supposedly "fell" down the steps, i spoke with that doctor and he said he had a spiral break and you dont get those from falling down the steps. He is 19 now and still cant remember how his leg got broken. We moved again and my 2 oldest went to their aunts for a week and me and my 15 month old were home waiting for hours, here he snuck to a party. Left me hungry. When he came home drunk i made the mistake of calling him a b*tch and he choked me until it felt like my eyes were going to pop out and my face was going to explode and everything started to go black then he let go. 911 was called by my friend on the phone who heard everything and to jail he went. But with apologies and tears i dropped charges and took him back. He was nice to my 3 year old for a while and back to the same stuff. A year later the gas gets turned off in the winter and at this time he has custody of his other 3 boys so now theres 6 kids im taking care of. His mother says him and HIS 3 can come there but me and my 3 have to go somewhere else, his oldest brother overheard and asked the people he was staying with if we could stay there and they said yes. So i took my children there and came back for our bags of clothes and things.
- said...
To my surprise him, his children and sister had thrown our things in the lake behind our home! And he sat there with a smirk accusing me of "f*cking" his brother! I was so upset! Crying asking why? Then all i remember is my friend handing me paper towels and blood everywhere. Going on the porch and his brother helping me to the van. Being in a police station and then the hospital. He had sucker punched me so hard i took 7 stitches in my lip and mouth and dislocated my nose. 1 hit. He got 1 week jail and he swwet talked me and i dropped charges!!! im so stupid!! His brother tried and tried to talk to me, saying i dont deserve to be treated this way and neither do the children, and i deserve to be loved and treated like a person. All the time he would tell me. My husband found out he told me this one time and punched him! He continued being his cocky self and picking on my son, and i lost all interest in sex for him, so he went after his brothers wife, got her a few times, (the brother i mentioned earlier)then had an affair with my own mother! Then affair with his ex sister in law, he always had sex on the brain and by now i just didnt care anymore. BUT i was scared to leave, his brother said he would help me if i wanted to so i tried. That was bad..he came busting in, shoved me out of a chair, elbowed my then 10 year old son in the face and grabbed his brother in a hold to where he could breal his neck, my son was stuck behind them. He then flew out the door. The next day in his sisters van, i had my kids in the car, hes running me off the road and ramming my car. I couldnt take it no more so i took him back. I didnt want to put his brother through anymore violence or the kids..what was i thinking huh? I wanted to feel loved at some point and ended up in the backseat of his brothers car one evening and 9 months later..he dared his brother around the baby, he knew he wasnt his but was accepting of him and actually treated him better than the rest! well a few years of his cocky attitude, forced sex, picking on my son, grabbing him by the throat, slapping him, i started on my next son, his own son, screaming, threatening to "shove his f*cking fist down his throat" things along those lines. Then the day came where he chased my youngest through the house and hit him. That was enough. I started an affair with his brother, and told him about it. He had his daughter from out of town come and get him and left quietly but that was by far not the end. His 3 sisters got involved and being sociopaths themselves, fired him up and went and got him! Sitting at a park, me ,his brother and my 10 year old who just found out who his real father was, the 3 sisters, my husband and the one sisters boyfriend. My husband and the sisters boyfriend beat him literally almost to death, he had to be life flighted, 3 ribs punctured and collapsed his lung. And a chest tube. The 3 sisters were going to jump me but i just wanted to remove my child and get to a phone fast! I was scared and so was my child! But i did NOT go back this time, all the "im sorrys", and "ive changed" and "ill be a better dad" stuff dont work no more. One day he calls just sweet as can be, the next he calls and told me he is "going to rip my head off!" Then say he knows he was not the best father and husband and knows that and asks me why i didnt leave him sooner..then has his family and adult children terrorizing me! To this day im in contact with my local law enforcement and my divorce is going smooth and he is hiding 4 hours away from an arrest warrant for assault. He is using my 19 year old as a weakness, the others 3 dont want anything to do with him, but my 19 year old, the one who got the worst of his abuse, he is super nice to now. I try to explain to him he is still being abused just in a different way, he just dont understand. Any pointers?
- said...
Living with the enemy part 1
I was with a Sociopath for 6 months.. The first 3 days were like heaven for me! he told me everything I wanted to hear and more.. he was so convincing, charming, and very attractive. I felt like I had entered my very own fairytale (and that is exactly what is was) Not suspecting at all he could be a bad guy..he seemed so perfect! so awesome! so nice! and so full of life! that it wasn't until after the first couple weeks things began to really change, and the manipulation process really took a hold. He started out by taking all of my little insecurities and blowing them up to come right in front of my face, forcing me to question myself. That had a ripple effect that caused me to question all of my thoughts..this is bad!! I felt like something was walking around inside of me purposely rewiring my psyche! How could someone actually want to do this to someone?!?(because he hates us..all of us lovers, white lighters!) the more love you have inside of you the more he hates you, and wants to take it away from you! some of his manipulation tactics: planting small seeds of insecurities inside of me. Example; "Your face is kind of breaking out, maybe you need to get acne treatment" then proceeded by taking me to the local walgreens to buy it.(using my own money of course) & your boobs are kinda small have you ever considered a boob job? I couldn't understand why someone who I loved would say something like this to me? shouldn't he show me love? Im feeling really confused and insecure at this point. A little while later he then proceeds to tell me I have insecurity issues, and maybe wasn't ready for such strong relationship. And then shortly after showing me comfort, and letting me know he was there for me. He even suggested a self help book~ the mastery of love. which in fact is an outstanding book by the way! you haven't read it it will help! but yet another one of his many manipulation tactics. He was very good! He began looking at other girls allll the time with a very creepy stare. When I confronted him with this he acted surprised, and hurt. He said "what? I thought we had something special ____(my name)?" Turning it around immediately and convincing me I was the one to blame for doubting us.
Did I mention that he has an on again off again relationship with his sister, he has been manipulating her for I don't know how many years now, and she is completely in, and under his control. Completely in love and devoted to him. Every time we would hang around her she gave off this really weird vibe towards me, I felt her extreme jealousy, her hating me, confusion and anger coming from her, she even began crying when she saw him all over me doting on my every desire. I believed he enjoyed torturing her, by doing this. He showed no care or concern for his sisters feelings. It was like he didn't even notice her crying and she was right across from us! when I had question him about his sisters weird behavior towards him, and me. He told me his sister had always acted kinda weird towards him, and jealous towards his previous girlfriends. saying she was a little crazy, "and maybe she does have a crush on me?" He admitted only because it was undeniable that something was going on! He told me he was going to have a talk with her with his mother, but never of course never really planned on going through with it. After all he was probably the one who started the entire thing.
He told me all the time I had jealousy issues, and that I was insecure with myself, and it was effecting the relationship. He knew very well that he was the one causing these insecurities, after all he likes playing the "game" I began to believe these lies. Constantly manipulating me in anyway possible. I began to go into a down world spiral and felt the loss of myself. not knowing who i was anymore. His projection of his false image was causing me to create one as well in order to cope with his. A life based on lies. - said...
Living with the enemy part 2
One day when I was taking shower I had felt the rush of complete loss of myself come over me! I had no idea why or how this could've possibly happened! Still having no clue it was him!! I began to pray! god what do I do I am in complete darkness, and i am scared I cannot see myself! what if I am never able to feel myself again! I felt like I was alone in a dark cave in the middle of a dark forest, and the real me was hiding far away underneath something somewhere? How was I to begin to start to find her again? I miss her! I love her! Something told me then,(which I believe to be god") what I needed to do, and that was to separate myself from his energy entirely! I didn't know why god would tell me this? I mean I thought this guy was perfect, I loved him! but I knew that is what I had to do, and I did. I disconnected my energy from his entirely, and pretended i was a single girl again.
I slowly began to start feeling better about myself, and started gaining back my self control. And slowly the truth started to seep in, the more i listened to myself, and put all of my focus on myself, the more I could see the real him, and the real truth of the situation I was in. he began to be nicer to me, and seemed more attracted to me, really just trying harder to manipulate me. I just kept going with it. I felt like there was a war going on inside of my head, me fighting the lies with the truth. It was very hard to listen to myself telling me he was a bad guy! a monster! a spiritual predator! so many questions began to pore in.. Why? how could someone really be this evil? Is this right? or am I just thinking crazy? No you are not crazy! you were taken advantage of yes there are people out there who enjoy doing it. I had to know and face the facts this was the reality of my situation! your best bet is to get a way from this person and start the pathway to recovery. Let this experience be the one to really enhance your self awareness. this could be looked at as a blessing, you can get to know yourself even better, and grow into being a more true and solid self! Don't be afraid listen to yourself and your intuition. You can do it! You will find away out of his darkness through your light! Remember the love you have inside of you! the true grace you are and have always been! you have just been in hiding, but you are there! and here now! find yourself again. and let yourself out! and into a stronger person more aware brighter than everrrr!!! I love you all!! The survivors! the warriors! the fearless!!!
sociopaths are soul sucking thieves! Just as easy as it is for a thief to steal a shirt he wants so badly, it is just as easy for these types of people to still your very self! causing you to loose yourself and persona as well! gain yourself back with this newly found knowledge. Learn how to protect yourselves, and loved ones from being had and swindled by these spiritual thieves!! And please please! don't let this cause you to loose hope in all mankind and humanity! Remember we are not all sociopaths. this will only help you spot them out. don't live in fear be strong! Live with love, be fearless! and know yourself!!! - said...
If you haven't heard this song you need to hear it, it explains sociopaths perfectly!!! Richard Cheese Get down with the sickness!!
- said...
I was married with a sociopah for 5 years witouth knowing.
He left me 5 months ago and divorce me 2 months ago.He abuse me during the marriage but my real torment start 2 days after he left me. Cruel, vicious, a real monster. He took everything from me. A found that he ceated at me several times. Now he is living with woman he cheated at me the last time. She was married and left the marriage for this sick monster. He treat me, he try to destroy me. But Istill here trying to pick up the pieces.
I have to much anger, sadness, I feel betrayed,used. Now the I know who really is I can have any compassion or sorry feelings eather knowing this is a psiquiatric or mental illness.He is a monster, I am glad he is out of my life but with alot or pain, sadness anger,and empty wallet. I hope someday this will be a memory or neather I want that. I hope God help me. - SJ2200 said...
Don't forget there are women sociopaths also. I was dating one for 2 1/2 years. She was married but told me her and her husband were separated and were divorceing. That did not occur for 2 years and then she found another man. While telling me she still loved me and being with me and him during a 3 month period. I could go on and on but I could not find the answer to one question. "How could one human being treat another as I was treated while being told i was loved" I searched adn searched. Finally a counselor I was seeing mentioned sociopathic behavior. I dismissed it because that type of behavior is generally thought of as that of only Ted Bundy types. WRONG ! I was with one for 2 1/2 years. When I googled sociopathic behavior and started reading the descriptors, I almost got sick. It did finally offer me the answers I was seeking but it will still be along time until this can really be put behind me. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.
- said...
My first time on this site. This is the most validating information I have had regarding my 17 marriage to a spath. Your stories are mine.
They are sick and remember nothing, nothing at all will change them. I had been in therapy with him for years. They do not change. Its crazy making, we are not crazy.
Here is just a little story for you, I filed for divorce and am finally divorced for 3 years now. The drama has not stopped. He will not comply with court orders, lies in court, manipulates, took all of our money and items that were mine prior to the marriage. In doing so, he was calm, cool and collected. The battle almost killed me.
Prior to my filing for divorce, he was even poisoning my food. My face would fall into my food at dinner, in front of my children and him and no body did anything. He had been "working" our kids long long before I knew and prior to me filing for divorce.
After I filed, my friends were helping me all kinds of ways. My best friends husband's car was keyed, he is a partner in a very prestigious law firm. The electrical box for their house is in the back of the house. While I was staying there, the house caught fire. The fire department came got the fire out, only with thousands of water, smoke etc. damage, with the family having to live in a hotel for 2 months.
My other friend, who I was also staying with, who had daily service for 15 years. Her milk was poured out all over her porch the morning after I stayed with her and my dogs were delivered to her house as part of our divorce.
You all said how much it cost you in legal fees. Well, I lost my primary residence, vacation home, all of the stock options, investments, etc. and the divorce cost me $175K. I am still fighting for the items that he owes me. THERE IS NO JUSTICE. They manipulate the legal system as well.
I fear for my life. He told his lawyer if he can't have me, no body will. He was slapped with a restaining order and violated it continiously. They are above the law. No respect for authority. No accountability.
For those of you who are still in this. GET OUT.
I, too, was raped and went to the ER for those physicial abuse. I got an STD.
GET OUT. I am so very grateful for all of the help my friends gave me. My family was so far away. I finally got out. I had to move in with my parents, as he would not pay me the alimony and I could not find a job.
The worse of this is, I haven't seen my children for years. He has brainwashed them so badly. I am a believer, and know that God will always, and has always taken care of me. I have to believe in hope, that someday my children will know the truth.
I am grateful every day to be out. Even without anything. I am free of him. FREEDOM! I still do not have safety. But I do not have to see him anymore.
Another suggestion. DO NOT ENGAGE. You must distance yourself. Be emotionless. Do not show your weakness, They use your weakness to their advantage.
God Bless All of You. We are now out. - said...
This site is so validating.
- informative said...
I barely know where to start. Im married to a sociopath. My children and I suffer every day. Being with him is changing me. Nothing I do or say is good enough. Every day Im constantly accuused. Hes figured that the only time I get peace is when I sleep and now hes managed to mess with that. He makes me miserable. Every time I leave him he always does something to me and acts like it wasnt him. He spreads lies comstantly about me to make me look like a whore. Hes got a lot of people fooled. Hes abusive and flips out all the time. I wish he would just disappear. To all ladies that may be in this situation leave as fast as you can please. They will kill you if they could get away with it. They dont care about you at all, only what you can do for them.
- said...
I have been discarded by a sociopath. He is still conning many women who think he is wonderful. He sings in a band with a woman who is so in love with him that she let him live in her mother's house and drive her mother's car. Her mother is currently living in a nursing home, all the while he brings other women to this place who thinks it belongs to him.
It's very sick! He gets women to pay his bills, and he knows how to cry on cue. He will even use his son as an excuse to get the money he needs. He is also a pathological liar, and watches porn like he has never had sex before. It's scary how he carries himself, however, women love and worship him, and that's all the fuel he needs. - said...
A comment, I'm so confused. I have been reading and reading trying to figure out what the hell is going on ..I can't literally remember what we argue about anymore. I think I'm so stressed it flees from my mind. I met my husband four years ago and yes it seemed weird that we had so much in common personally deep inside not just hobbies. But alas, I saw the flags and ignored them thinking "lead by example" he'll see my patience, my love and he'll learn there are better ways to communicate, it never happened.
I'm ashamed. I've stayed way past the mark. I love him dearly, but I think I love the memory of what we could have had..what I used to dream about. I was so proud of him now I just hurt and hurt. He has absolutely no control over his temper and he seems verrrry detached emotionally, he can say the most awful things push me choke me, put a pillow over my face pulled a gun on me and act as though nothing happened - literally. You can say I'm stupid because truly I am. I'm not staying because I think he can changed. I have no job I have no family I don't want to leave my home I want him to leave. I think in some ways I believe all the horrible shit he says, today he yelled at me and called me a dumb stupid b....ch and then I told him to go and find some other raggedy stupid b...ch and he says you look tattered you always look all fu...ked up and somehow I don't want to be married to him anymore after he said that...I just said my god, this man is sick and disconnected and he is the problem. I don't care how insecure how sensitive I am it just don't matter nothing could ever justify his cruelty.
He'll come in later "possibly" and maybe try to crawl up next to me, but the light has gone out...I'm on to plan B....as soon as Im able to I'm out. I can't believe that I believe in this person, I shared my life my love my hope with him. I am such a strong woman and I let another person defect me to the degree that I don't know how to love myself enough to do right by me....I don't know if he is a sociopath a physchopath or a prick.....I just know what is a normal argument is not normal in our house...it elevates to a degree that is not the norm....he seeths at the teeth and he looks like he hates me....while i"m at a 2 he's at a 15 in about 1/2 second....I don't understand it ..he's never understanding always judging me complaining griping nothing is ever good enough and worse, he really doesn't see his crap ....bleh - said...
Everyone who has posted here should be proud of the fact that they can now see their ex for what they really are and start living healthy lives again. I am four months out of my last damaging relationship with a sociopath the second such disaster I have been part of in my life. I am a 47 year old male and having had my first run in with a serious sociopath 9 years ago (a two year nightmare which cost me my marriage) I thought I was clued up and protected. Two and a hlaf years ago I met a divorcee with two kids at the same school my 12 year old son goes to. I had known her husband years earlier and considered him a good man. She is a succesful lawyer, attractive and charming. On paper and in my rationale mind it was a great thing...i felt strongly for her and before long we were house hunting talking about marriage and taking theboys on joint holidays.
I told her about sociopath one and how hard I found it to trust...and she encouraged me to bare my soul (or I just did because I believe in honesty).
But my instincts were telling me something was wrong.....she rang and texted incessantly....checked my cell phone and I later found went through my computer everytime she could.
Long story short he was still seeing the man she had left her husband for and who had thrown her over two years later.
Long story short...just before last Christmas with a two week holiday booked for the boys and us she texted me (on the day of a murdered colleagues funera) and told me to make plans without her. I rang to be told "i don't wnt to be cruel but I don't love you..please don't ring or contact me again)
There has been a lot of shit since but Having sought therapy some five weeks ago I'm feeling a lot more normal.
The most important thing in beating a sociopath is to forget about them and work on yourself...recognise your blindspots.....accept your goodness....don't beat yourself up but do some growing up and accept that you have lost nothing but a dream that could never be real. Time does heal the awful wounds they leave but don't be afraid to seek out the truth about them and more importantly yourself...it really can set you free. - said...
2 months ago I got out of a year-long relationship with a sociopath and everything was pretty great for until the last 3 months. We met on a dating site- just my second date off the site and I felt like I had really lucked out with him! We spent the entire weekend together and the next Monday at work I was ecstatic- 'too good to be true!' is what I considered him. I was so right! My first clue about him was that we could not have a difference of opinion. My opinion was flawed and he was always right! Part of me thought I was the stubborn one. Our first fight I told him, 'I don't know if I can be with someone who is always right.' And he started crying. Pretty much the only time he showed emotion over the thought of losing me. Other thing started popping up as red flags. He would completely flip out if there wasn't a dish towel hanging over the stove, he had a very particular way about the dishwasher, and he refused to clean his house. He was a borderline hoarder and never wiped down his bathroom. I found ex girlfriends clothes buried in his room numerous times from over a year before. By the way, the first 2 months of our relationship, he talked badly about his exes to the point that I had to ask him to stop and I told him I was afraid of what he would say about me if we broke up. He was very grandiose about himself witch I thought was not too far off because he was really smart and the valedictorian of his high school. He said he was extraordinary and if he didn't drop out of college (he threw away a full ride scholarship) he could be curing cancer. He did have a good job though in technology. He rushed into talking about marriage, moving in, and 'our' kids, his investments were 'our shares'. He talked about house hunting and told me he was 'the expediter of my dreams' and I was the 'winner' of him. How special I felt but the rushed marriage talk was strange. The fights got more common 6 months into our relationship and I thought it was my PMS. That was proven wrong by the frequency of them and he told me I had 'ongoing PMS' and needed to be checked by a doctor. This was the beginning of the end and no, I didn't go get checked. He was contolling over the TV- it was his show or movie or nothing by the end of our relationship. I walked out and broke up with him 3 times and came back to him 3 times before I walked out for good. It was always over him flipping out over nothing and me being not okay with how he was treating me and him flipping out over nothing (a lost nail file, for example, or me wanting to watch 20/20 for a few minutes until the next commercial while we ate). It was so awful because my family adored him and I adored him and I was never happier in a relationship before things started going wrong. Each time I left, he never asked for me back but I was so miserable without him I went back. The last time I left, I was calmly gathering my things and he threatened to drag me out of his house. I was walking with my back turned and he pinned me to the ground in an instant and pressed my face to the carpet and started screaming 'do you want to f with me!?' over and over. I got what I had and left after that. He started texting me immediately after saying that I didn't care about his needs and didn't love him enough to take care of him. Wow, looking back it was so obvious about him but he made me so happy when things were good and things were usually good. He had it all in my eyes.
I made friends with a female coworker of his (this man also works in the same place as his ex before me and this coworker is friends with the ex). I texted his coworker that we had broken up and I ended up telling her about how nuts he was. She told him that it was for the best because she knows he is a narcissist and he got violent with his ex, way worse than the incident with me. I am so thankful to her for validating my feelings about him. I am still friends with her and I can't wait to talk to his ex, too. I heard she wants to trade horror stories about him! - said...
Wow!!!! I feel sooooo very fortunate that I have only dealt with my sociopath for maybe 5 months... and he is gone... Thank God.... He seemed to be everything that I had ever hoped for until things started to unravel when he became explosively verbally abusive due to the fact that he said that I was just too emotional.... He started out strong ... talking marriage ... which I must say that I would have married him had a pastor been right there in front of us.... his three kids, criminal record and his past treatment of his ex's didn't deter me.... I just thought it was for all the reasons that he claimed ... of course he was the victim... his ex was having an affair... well I guess I would too if I had to live with a controlling guy that was verbally abusive and maybe even physically....
Oh well he came in assessed me ...
Manipulated me
and then abandoned me just in the knick of time... right after I prayed Lord destroy this relationship if it is not what you desire for me...
I had it bad for him... and I think he knew it... I had just ordered him a Mac Book Air ... but before it came we had some sort of disareement and he said that he would get his own computer.... the last night we were together intimately I noticed that he had somehow manipulated my diamond earring in such a way that it was laying on the bed.... when I got up I happened to look over my right shoulder and I saw it and he said oh yeah I was gonna tell you that he noticed that it had come out of my ear....
I grabbed that earring and thought nothing of it until after I was at home crying trying to figure out why he was now treating me like trash that he was discarding.... all in all I got off good...
I bought him a $40. bDay gift and a few other nominal items...but I was just itching to update his wardrobe.... but he could have gotten me good... I let this guy have the key to my house while I was out of the country ... he thanked me for trusting him.... I offered him the use of my car one day and he said that it wasn't necessary ... shocker huh... in a weird kind of way I think he may have cared more than he thought he would .... maybe that is just wishful thinking...
end the end he told me that he was separating himself from me because he cared about me.... hmmm but then he sent me a text message when we were in a heated argument telling me that I had been replaced....
All I can say is Lucky Me!!! - said...
I am a victim of a sociopath. Everything that I have read here and in Sociopath World is exactly what I have been thru. I was in a relationship for about 6 years and it has left me drained and confused. I honestly believed everything he would tell me up until the day I found out that he was in another relationship. He told me that it didn't mean anything and that he loved me. This was in 2009, and he told me he would prove to me that he wasn't cheating anymore by letting me know where he was at all the time and answering my calls whenever I would call him and make more time for me between his studying and his rehearsals. The relationship with him went on for another year until he went to visit his family back in Puerto Rico. He called me every night and morning to say hello and I was actually quite comfortable with that not sure if it was because I was tired of thinking that he might be lying so I just let it go. Then on the morning after he got back, he stayed home to rest while I worked. Well I suspected he was calling another woman or texting so I accessed his social profile and there it was... A conversation with another woman from Puerto Rico that he had. The conversation was that he missed her already and loved her and vice versa. So I asked him about it and of course he said it meant nothing and that it was an old friend and that he loves all his friends. So 2 weeks went by and yet I saw a text on his phone from another woman saying that it was fun last night see you later my love and this time I left him and started to move on with my life because I was tired of his cheating. A few days later he was in a vehicle accident and his daughter called me because the doctors thought he might not make it. I went to the ER that night and spent the night in his room watching him and waiting for his surgery next day. I stayed with him thru the whole thing. He had a heart attack that night caused by blood clots and so many other complications because of his injuries. When he woke up, he seemed glad to see me. Anyway, the end of this story is that more women came out to visit him and they all were his girlfriends about 6 or 7. I left the hospital after I had stayed two weeks day and night taking care of him. Of course I was shattered again. What I've learned thanks to these websites is that not only am I a victim but that I became a WILLING VICTIM. I never thought I would be that kind of woman to accept and forgive a cheating man, but I have realized that he has all the traits and personality of a Romantic Sociopath. He has always lied to me and has never been faithful. I also found out that in 2007, another woman, just like me, found out about 6 women he was with and left him and sued him for the money he owed her...now I realize what I became to him when she actually left him back then...I took her place unfortunately and years later, I am going thru the same thing as she did back then. It has been a long ride of breaking ups and make ups and I honestly didn't think I would break free of his web but reading about sociopath behavior and therapy has been of great help. And it also helps that I told him I knew what he was and that he would never hurt me again and that I would tell the woman that replaced me that he was a sociopath. This was his response "Don't tell her, let her find out on her own" I met with her and showed her the emails and the texts and everything I had to save her from years of pain and sorrow and confusion. We spent hours talking and emailing each other and she finally understood. She said thank you for letting her know.
Even if he convinces her to go back with him, at least she was informed.
The good news is that I am no longer a WILLING VICTIM. I am still a VICTIM but on my way to be a SURVIVOR. - said...
I have been married to this man for 20 years; but been together for 26. We have 4 kids, to whom he had never been a father to. He was always working, even had informal meetings @ 4 am.In 2003, I found out that he was cheating with this woman (one of many). he told me he stopped; but somehow was always out. When he came home he slept on the sofa; told me he was impotent after I questioned the fact that we had not had any sexual contact in 4 years(after I became disable). Mind you, he convinced me to tie my tubes after having my now 4 year old daughter. Last year he told me he was leaving, stated that the only reason he stayed was because for his responsibility after our first child was born (22 years ago). That we do not respect him, and he had to leave in order to become a better father to our kids. Well, 6 MONTHS AGO I FOUND OUT THAT HE HAS A NOW 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WITH THIS OTHER WOMAN, HAS MOVED IN WITH HER. CLOSED DOWN A BUSINESS THAT WE OWNED, TO OPEN ANOTHER ONE WITH HIS MISTRESS. TOOK ALL THE MONEY WE HAD SAVED INCLUDING CHILDREN SAVINGS (BUT 3 YEARS AGO STOPPED PAYING OUR MORTGAGE TO HELP HIS OTHER FAMILY). HE MADE IT HIS JOB TO TELL ME THAT ALL THOSE YEARS HE WAS PLAYING ME BY BEING SOMEONE OTHER THAN WHO HE REALLY IS - BUT HE WILL NOW LET ME MEET THE MONSTER THAT HE IS; HE JUST WANTS TO BE HIMSELF. My older kids are all in shock. our 4 year-old cries for him @ night. When I tried to tell him he started talking about her inability to hold a fork properly. This man has shown no remorse or guilt - ABOUT THE DOUBLE LIFE THAT HE WAS LIVING , 2 WOMEN, 2 FAMILIES. He also admitted to never loving me (mind you, he was telling me he loved me everyday). I hate him; because he lied, cheated, called me crazy, fat, ugly. He basically stole my life and gave to someone else. He made me fall in love with a lie (someone who never existed). He fits all the characteristics of a sociopath (ALL).
MY KIDS AND I ARE ABOUT TO BECOME HOMELESS, HE GOES OUT AND GETS A NEW MERCEDES (TRUCK). I am still trying to contact a lawyer but still too depressed.
Yours truly, - said...
Does anyone ever find themselves second guessing their 'sociopathic' partner, like they seem to have me reeled in and 'hooked' but then when you see him with a new girlfriend everything 'appears' so wonderful so how can he really be what I think he is?? am battling that right now. =(
- said...
OMG....i cannot even muster the strength to tell my story. its worse than any over yours. i have 4 boys involved also. the sexual manipulation....whats worse is that he is now wealthy. he uses his money to still control me after i have left him. lie lie lie....all he does. i cannot believe the depths of the lies. its almost like u will believe him bc no one could make these lies up. he has my phones tapped, computer, tracking devices on me. and whats hurt the most is that he had me convinced i was crazy and suffering an anxiety disorder which got me addicted to xanax. he put me in rehab and convinced everyone i was crazy even my kids....i feel so helpless. this nightmare wont end for me. hes hyper sexual, addicted to porn and alcohol. he has been physically abusive in the past. i just want to get away from him and never hear his name again but he has made that impossible for me. he has gotten 2 women pregnant in the last year since we split up and hasnt given me a divorce. he hides his money all over the world and claims hes broke so i cannot get a settlement. i feel stupid and like i have no where to turn. i often daydream about getting a gun a blowing my own head off infront of him so my pain will end and he'll never get that out of his head. then i remember i have kids i have to save from him and hes a sociopath....he would probably think it was funny what i did. i wish there was somewhere for me to turn.
- said...
AMAZING post. Truly truly beautiful, very strong and wise.
- said...
I am a man and was married to a sociopathic woman for 12 years. When I met her she was married but told me she had separated and was divorcing. The divorce took another year. I should have been suspicious when she constantly told me how awful he was and compared him to me all the time. She demonized him. I know now that she treated him the same way she ended up treating me- with no feeling and little remorse for anything. Shortly after she met me she had a job away from town where I am now sure she slept with other men. She would be out at night going to bars and call me afterwards but it was clear that she was up to something. After marriage I discovered she had affairs. We had a child together(actually one could hardly call it together because the first nearly 4 years of his life I did all the care taking). When he was between 5 and 6 years old she told him she was sorry he was ever born. I should have made her leave at that point but I was so trapped feeling that I tried to make it better. She was pretty much emotionally unavailable to me the whole marriage and we finally separated. The problem now is she is carrying on with a man where she works(the same school our son attends). Our son discovered this and was traumatized by it. She stopped that "relationship" for a while and is now seeing him again. Her patterns never seem to change and I feel like I have lost many good years of my life living with someone who has little conscience. I have to find a way to create a healthy environment for our son while his mom just keeps on going with her destructive patterns around him.
- said...
Mine is a long story, bit echoed in the snipits of all your own sad stories told before
..... endless arguments - vagueness - avoiding intimacy & sex( - yet three beautiful children later ) - 21 years of 'knowing" this person - 12 years of marriage - very little communication - a lot of socialising - his drinking - his flirting - his career - his professional profile (aided by me at prof dos etc) - his conferences abroad- his sport events -his stress - his parent dying ...
Well I made the excuses
And yet I never 'put up' with it & remained honest & open with HIM - BUT - no one else
He at all times was aware I was not happy
He came to counselling
I was the only one trying to get us 'on track' - a track he now I realise was NEVER interested in being on
I was way too loyal
I was way too trusting
He liked the IDEA of marriage & of ME
He liked the fact that I was a good wife - for his profile!
THE PROBLEMS AROSE WHEN I SOUGHT COMMUNICATION & asked him to share his life ...
I always knew alcohol & the need to have 'bar stool' chat about me & his children was WAY more important than the reality of FAMILY LIFE. He was not available for the crisis & only took part in the happy occasions & I willingly took part in this CHARADE!!!
I am an intelligent, educated woman (yet reading this one would not think so ...)
I was told repeatedly "I am a hand full aren't I "
This eventually changed to "YOU are gone in the head"
When I eventually said STOP - you have to move out, we've failed at marriage lets not fail at parenting, let's make this as discreet & dignified a separation as possible ... HE WAS THE VICTIM ...
I get a call from his mother abusing me!!!
His friends made sure he came to all their parties
He has openly socialised since - not missing a gig
Loving the pity & attention & drinks
In total contrast - I cried and grieved for one year SOLID.
Irony +++
I ATTENDED THERAPY 'ongoing'
Some more background info. - Our children arrived one at a time - each occasion was about HIM. he really never focused on me or the children - he celebrated , took all the congrats but resented the implications of parenthood - € & being there & taking responsibility day to day
- I had threatened this SEVERAL times before, each time it was as if he just wanted to make life so unbearable and DRIVE ME to call the shot - in reality it's what he wanted but never had the balls (not my normal language!) to DO.
My only advice is keep your relationship in check
TRUST but be wise
DISCUSS concerns - loyalty does not exclude you from being capable of assessment & seeking trusted & reliable advice.
IF you have major concerns when you are dating someone - chances are they will be magnified within a marriage & cause major angst as old wounds will be opened as the same problems cause friction AGAIN & AGAIN
My road is no longer at a cross roads
I may have reached a 'dead end' had I not taken control myself
And yet I don't know where I'll end up - but I am so much more content - I am true to myself & in control of my own mental well being - I FEEL BETTER but I am naturally worried especially for my children & the negative impact such a situation causes and also having such a selfish parent!
I know I will continue to try to compensate for a parent who is so self serving and yet I will not prevent his involvement in their lives
I only hope they do not end up like him! & that he does not damage them emotionally
Freddie x
part 2 - said...
My sociopath boyfriend cheated on me and I caught him with a woman and he seemed so loving just like he was with me at first but as soon as the other woman was having feelings of doubts about him and his intentions she reached out to me and asked me about him. I ended up telling her the truth about him and how he was still trying to get back with me and telling me lies that he wasn't with her. So the woman confronted him about me and he told her I was lying and that all I wanted was to keep them from loving each other. I had sent her the emails he sent me asking me back and she showed it to him and he said that he just said those things because he felt sorry for me. So one week later I asked him if he was still seeing the other woman, and he said no that he wanted me back. So the woman and I got together and shared the texts and emails that he had sent us both and trust me NOTHING WAS BRIGHTER ON THE OTHER SIDE. He is and will always be A ROMANTIC SOCIOPATH who manipulates everything and everyone he chooses to victimize until you allow yourself to become free of his spell by seeking the help that you need to reverse everything he did to make you a willing victim. It's a struggle to get out of his web but it is possible. He doesn't really love anyone. He made you believe he loved you, he programmed your brain And just like me, we are all willing victims, with the help of websites like these and counseling, we can become Survivors... Take care
- said...
Here I am at this moment reading so many familiar stories that resembles my own. My ex boyfriend doesn't have a label yet, He has so many different types of traits such as being A BULLY, A NARCISSIST, AN ABUSER, SOCIOPATH, PHYCOPATH,A VIOLENT RAPIST, CONTROLLING, JEALOUS, VERBAL ABUSIVE, don't know how to spin it but this is how I feel I really can't explain how dangerous this Man is but I can give you three examples that tells me that he's maybe even a stone cold killer. 1. He pointed the gun at me and told me to sit down have u ever plaid the game of rushing roulette and I said no with I didn't before i can sit there and let him pull the trigger I broke down, and he told me to shut the fuck up just close your eyes and pray as I started doing that i heard the trigger go off and my heart dropped. 2. he just came out one day and looked me in my face and said with a little smirk on his face and said, I wonder what it feels like to stab you and I was to scared to say anything and before i knew it he took the knife and jabbed it into my leg and pulled it out then wiped it off, and I was afraid for my life. 3. one day we were in bed and I guess he said I was snoring to loud so he decided to take a pillow and hold it down until I for some reason starting crying in my sleep and waking up to fighting to get the pillow of my face, and he was playing sleep cause he told me so then he started making fun of how I woke up fighting it hurt me like hell, and then something woke up inside me and I want out and he won't let me go.. he's keep telling me how he want to kill me and that it makes his penis hard, wtf? is going on here? Lord help me please what type of Man am I dealing with I been with him for fifteen years I can't keep taking abuse I really think he wants to hurt me, or even kill me, i never felt this way before but now idk?
- said...
I met who I thought was my best friend 22 years ago. We started dating and he literally turned my life upside down. We broke up because of his cheating and stayed apart for a year. He came back so sorry for what he had done. Begged for my forgiveness and it would never happen again. He realized what he had with me was real because he had never experienced it with anyone else. He would never ever hurt me again, so he promised. Well some things started happening a few months ago and I began to get suspicious. I would ask questions and he would look me in my eyes and deny it all, still confessing his love for me. He works out of town so of course he began 'working' all of the time. I found out in July that he had moved to Texas from Virginia behind my back, moved a doctor that he met from Ohio in with him in Texas. Was engaged to her and the wedding planned when I found out. He continued to lie and would not admit to any of it although I had proof. Of course it was all my fault at first. Then he knows he has problems so he's was just protecting me from himself. I just found out that the wedding has been moved from Nov to Sept. I'm assuming he's trying to marry her quick before she finds out about any of his skeletons. I feel really stupid because I should have seen the signs. He's been married 4 times, this will be #5. He has 5 children by 5 different women who was not any of his wives. He always married women who have never been married and have no children. I know he sees this doctor as his golden ticket. Although I wonder why a doctor who has only known someone for a few months would completely relocate and marry someone she doesn't even know. Hell, I knew him and still didn't know him. He is going to take her for everything she's worth. I have no doubt that he's incapable of love and just uses women for what he can get. He is the most sweetest, attentive man when he's trying to woo you. The only thing I can say for him is that I've never seen him be abusive in a physical sense. But mentally and emotionally he will wipe you out.
- said...
I certainly feel for all the women that have been abused and hurt by a sociopath, nobody ever deserves the type of treatment that I've read about here. I would like to add a comment coming from a guy that was involved with a female sociopath. My ex-girlfriend reached out to me and was very aggressive in pursuing me. I found out early on she was married but she gave such a poor pitiful me excuse that her husband made her feel invisible, he totally ignored her, she got no help with household or daughter etc etc. She actually made it sound reasonable on why she was having an affair. Over our 2 year relationship I found out she had numerous affairs over the last 10 years of her marriage. She would always talk about empathy but only when it pertained to her. She wanted people to have empathy for her but she certainly had none for others. I asked her once how she could have an affair with a married man. Regardless of her being unhappily married,why did she feel it was okay to possibly break up another marriage. She always had an answer that made her sound like the victim and she was wronged. Over time I saw how an affair is a very selfish and greedy thing to do and I felt terrible being involved with a married woman. I tried breaking it off several times but she insisted we were true loves, she would leave her husband but had to do it at the right time for their daughter, she wanted a lifetime with me etc. I finally ended it for good after a lot of reflection and prayer. She instantly turned everything around on me and had an attorney threaten me with a defamation lawsuit. This woman is so scared of her family, friends, and co-workers finding out about the last 10 years of her life that she trying to make sure I don't say anything to anybody. If she put as much effort into her marriage as she has in making sure I keep quite, maybe her marriage would be better. Anyway, long story short, she is very controlling, manipulate, cunning, deceptive and somehow she has been wronged in life by so many men that she pursued. I am hurting from missing her but know that this is absolutely for the best. Good luck everyone with your situations. It will get better.
- said...
I married a sociopath less than two months ago and knew what he was within days. Our "relationship" started out so much like this one. He had a reputation for never settling down and sleeping around constantly. He works for an airline so he flies for free. He looks for women all over the country, charms them on the phone then visits them, sleeps with them and almost never calls. Me, he wanted to marry almost immediately. I thought he must be serious since he was pushing for marriage after years of being known as someone who'd never get married. I thought it was weird though. He liked everything I liked and kept saying we were "separated at birth." I thought he liked me too much too fast and I wanted more time. Finally, he charmed me into marrying him. That very day, he became incredibly weird and inconsiderate and his previous weirdness started to make sense. Within a week, he was verbally abusing me constantly, gaslighting me, blaming everything on me, screaming at me for crying and behaving like no one I had ever met.
We went to marriage counseling once and he went crazy because he hated the therapist. I realize now it's because she saw right through him, (which she told me later.) I asked my husband to leave several times within the first two weeks but he kept saying he loved me so much. On the 22nd day we were married, he threw me across a room. Never has he apologized or shown remorse or cared about anyone but him. I've never met or imagined anyone could be so sick. - S. Eutin said...
I am fresh out of a relationship with a sociopath. I was with him for 10 months. I was single for a long time before I met him. When I met him (on line) he was so charming, moved fast. At first, I got red flags, I wanted to run for the hills. Something wasn't right. How could he love me and he didn't even know me yet? But, I ignored my gut. Thought it was just me, cuz I was single for so long, thought I was a committment phobe. I did fall in love with him. He made me feel so good, so sexy, so safe. He was a gentleman to me. He introduced me to everyone as his "Baby". Yadda Yadda...you all know what I am talking about. This man cheated on me since day 1 and I didn't know it. 12 different women! I moved in with the man. We were talking marriage in the future. I cam home from work to find him in bed with another woman. When I found out he was cheating and confronted him, he got violently angry with me for "breaking his trust". Really! His lies were not even logical. He is now with another woman. Started that relationship before I was even out the door.
I know I am better off without him. He is toxic. I wont go back with him, there is no chance anyway, he on to the next one. But, I am embarrassed to say this, I miss the good him. I am sometimes overwhelmed with grief for losing what I know I only thought I had. I am not in a good state right now. I am so sad. I see him romancing his new woman and I know just how good he is making her feel, poor thing, she be feeling like me soon enough. But still, someone help me. How did you get past this void that is left in the place of the love you never had, but thought you did? I am intelligent, which makes this worse, but the heart is tricky. How do I move on and not think about him? - said...
I am so upset and hurt for all of you that I've read about. It's my life. After being divorced for many years I ran into a man that I went to high school with. He swept me off my feet so quickly and was so charming I thought I had finally met my prince charming. We were together for 5 months, he constantly talked about marriage. I had an engagement ring in the 5th month and was married in the 6th month. Then started my nightmare for the next 7and a half years. He was never wrong, manipulitive, physically, verbally, emotionally abusive. Distanced me from all friends and relatives. Tried continuously to make me think everything was my fault and that I was the crazy one. Made up so many lies that he couldn't keep up with all of them. He has the constant need for sex and porn as if he were a 20 year old when he is 50. I would challenge him on many things and learned that's the wrong thing to do. He would scare me so badly when I hurt his ego. He made me feel like I was nothing except his wife to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. I knew something was wrong with him but just couldn't figure it out. It took me a few months but I planned my escape. I left when he was at work, mostly for fear of the physical violence. I've been gone 4 months now and I feel so lost. I feel like I don't have any direction and I feel like I don't know who I am. I've lost my idenity and don't know how to get it back. He cost me a bankruptcy among many other things. We aren't divorced yet but he has already moved on to his next victim. I used to say I love the good part of him. But, in reality I've learned that I am married to a sick, distured and dangerous man. I've also recently learned that man is a scociopath and that what I thought was love never was there. It's heartbreaking but I did save myself. Now I just have to work on putting myself back together. If you are still dealing with one of these people please get away.
- said...
Omg! Reading these stories is relieving. I have been away from my husband now for 4 months due to his psychotic ways. I was reading this artical because my daughter just ended a relationship with someone I believed to be a sociopath. As I am reading all the signs of one I realized that my husband of 13 years fit every description of a sociopath. I've been through so much with this man and so has our children. They are all adults and they keep their distance from him. It's so sad. I for some odd reason do miss him as one lady said " the good him". He takes no blame for the destruction of this marriage or his relationship with our kids of course it's ALL my fault. I'm in LA. He's in Texas I don't have any of my things with me except what I left there with which was enough of my clothes for a three week visit with my family. I never returned because he tripped out on me and I didn't want to go home and be trapped there with him raging. He packed my clothes and put them in the garage and won't take any of my calls Aqor email. By the way I was a homemaker for 22years with him so you know my situation...I WILL SURVIVE!
- said...
You wil find the strength now that you understand what is happening. What you think is love is really manipulation. Dv support groups can help.
- said...
You will find the strength and your kids will be your reason to stop being a victim and to become a survivor. I have been dealing with my ex, and father of my son for 10 . Finally he will be losing his parental rights and I will no longer have any contact with him
- said...
This is my soon to be ex-husband to a "t". I kicked him out after I caught him conspiring with another woman to leave me and my daughter. The "good him" wasn't worth it anymore and I kicked him out. It's been only a few months and me and my daughter couldn't be happier.
- said...
I have a 5 year old with a sociopath. We have been on and off for 9 years. I was 87 lbs when I got pregnant due to stress and physical abuse. He tried to kill me on the front lawn once and the neighbor called the police, when he got out of course it was my fault for running my mouth. He cheated on a daily basis and im sure he has several children out there. We were married when I got pregnant and he left me homeless, hungry and carless. When I gave birth I called him and asked if he wanted to meet his daughter and he hung up in my face. I have caught him in bed with 2 women, he is addicted to sex and porn. He blames me for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life. I stumbled across these forums this week and after reading that I am not alone has given me strength, I have felt crazy for so long because I was still so in love. Just thinking of him with someone else treating them the way I deserve to be treated would leave me physically ill, I would stop eating and sleeping. But now I know that he will not be different with anyone else has healing in itself. I am not happy that he will do it to someone else but it seems as though I am the only one who is dumb enough to actually fall for him, he doesn't stay with anyone else long enough to torment them the way he does me. I have decided to cut him off from his daughter slowly. He doesn't really care about her, he has spent 1 Christmas with her out of 5, no birthdays at all. I don't want her to feel abandoned like I have so many times. He is evil and I refuse to make excuses for his behavior any longer. He is a sociopath through and through. He has told me several times he is not capable of love, I finally get it, I won't try to make him love us anymore.
- said...
I am separated from a narcissist with sociopathy, a malignant narcissist. He is a surgeon, a compulsive shopper, who decimated our finances. We have several valuable properties but once I filed for divorce and got access to our records ( he kept it all a mystery from me), it turns out that we had second mortgages on everything. There is very little equity in anything. After years of abuse that at first left me scratching my head and feeling sorry for him, but soon had me ( and my kids) traumatized and crying ourselves to sleep, I stumbled upon evidence that he uses prostitutes. I googled a phone number on a hotel bill from a medical conference he went to. The number turned out to be a website for a sickeningly young girl, eyes glazed, drugged, prostitute.I did not confront him, this is very important, do NOT confront the narcissist. I waited, I investigated. I wanted to be sure of what I was dealing with. I even followed him the next weekend and saw him with another prostitute, a russian, who's phone number I got off his cell phone bill. I googled it, matched it with her website. She charged 6,000 dollars for a weekend and he spent many weekends with that one. He paid her with Visa gift cards purchased at Safeway ( so it looked like 300 dollars worth of groceries on the credit card ) Shortly after that, I found his "secret' cell phone, a prepaid phone with no records. I copied down all the phone numbers called in the previous two weeks. Every one of them was a prostitute. He had made numerous calls to twelve different prostitutes in two weeks. They were very young, some looked fourteen years old, some transvestites, all races. He had no "type". later I found out he was/is dating a little grandmotherly lady in his office, also a middle aged patient,a chain smoking bar tender, an old girlfriend with a phd, as well as paying for weekends with prostitutes. Since I filed for divorce, and he now knows that I know about his secret life, he has gone on a smear campaign to discredit me. I did not intend to broadcast his secret life in any way as I had no interest in hurting him, his practice,or my kids.He, however,is now out to destroy me financially and emotionally because I know too much. He loves spending money on lawyers and since he is so hard to deal with ( pathologically lying, totally controlling everyone, above the law ) they eventually quit. He is now on his 4th attorney and most of our money is gone. My kids and I, however, couldn't be happier. Just having him out of the house, living a normal life without his shreaking rages over nothing, is fantastic. I still have to deal with abusive, manipulative emails and texts, as well as "I love you"s and invitations to take trips with him, interspersed with more abusive emails. I'm just taking one day at a time, hoping to untangle myself from what I now understand is really not a human being at all but a monster. He is a monster because he has no empathy, none, and no conscience.
- said...
Well, I sit here tonight reading some horrific stories of betrayal and heartache and it makes me so sad. If I were to think back over the 23 years that I have been married to a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist, I'm sure I could relate similar instances to each of these terrible experience. When we married, I was 19 and he was 21. He came from a completely different upbringing than I. He was abused, neglected and his parents divorced when he was 10 yrs old. I had, and still do, a very loving family and a very normal, healthy childhood. We only dated six months before we got married and almost immediately (two months)he began lying and making me feel so bad for questioning anything (finances, feelings concerning my morals, discrepancies in his stories etc.) I became pregnant three months after we were married and he completely changed. He had no interest and was emotionally disconnected. I was so alone and terrified, worried I had made a huge mistake. I told myself that he was young and immature and would need time to adjust to married life and a baby. I overlooked everything, justified his behaviors and even began lying to my own friends and family to avoid them being concerned. Before our child was born, he began staying out all night and that didn't stop anytime soon. His anger grew and my willingness to make him happy grew (strange). By the time our son was ten years old, I had caught him cheating four times (those are ONLY the times I caught him). By the time my son was 13 years old, I was emotionally drained. I didn't know if I was coming or going and I still don't know how I managed to keep the same job for 19yrs. I could not believe a word that came out of his mouth. I was so confused as to why this man "didn't love me". Why would he not "connect" with me. Sex was not intimate and never had been. Nothing about our relationship ever had any depth or intimacy and I tried so hard to understand why. He physically assaulted me a few times. I didn't call they police or need medical attention, thank goodness, but it was rage and I feared pissing him off too much. When my son was 14yrs to 17yrs, I was able to suppress my so called "overly emotional", "too sensitive", "crazy", "paranoid", "jealous" self. I had an affair that lasted one year. Worst mistake I've ever made and I will always regret stooping to his level. It just made me feel worse and I confessed my wrong doings to him (another huge mistake). He will use that and any other mistake or weakness to manipulate, control, and/or shut me up and keep me off of his back. No argument or concern is ever addressed or resolved. Our son is now 22yrs old and one month ago, I came across these websites. Psychopathy? Sociopath? What the heck?!?! I was floored to say the least and, apparently, extremely ignorant!! I couldn't believe how he matched the profile of these mental disorders. (It's just crazy how long it too me to figure this out) I have been crying non-stop for four weeks now and I am planning to leave. I wish I had known that there was no hope many, many years ago and that I am not the problem. I look back and cannot believe I stayed and endured the mental torture, the silent treatment, the sleeping alone every night, the crying. I have blamed myself and have been drained of my self esteem and morals, neglecting my family (my son too). The pain and heartache and guilt have almost consumed me but I know that I am a strong person and I will prevail. If you are in a relationship with a psychopath/sociopath, I hope you will not let it take all of your young years and your mental health to figure it out. God Bless.
- said...
My psychopath was from Santa Ana, CA. Seems to be the trend there. I ran away to NYC. Couldnt run fast enough! They are so sick! My heart goes out to you, stay strong!
- said...
- said...
I am, or was, a sociopath.
I always knew something was wrong with me since I was around 12 or 13. Although I believed I had empathy for friends, girlfriends etc, I soon realised that empathy was simply logic. I only understood what made someone happy or sad, but I couldn't feel it. No matter how hard I tried. Because of this I learnt how to make people happy, very, very quickly. They were happy not because I mad someone feel that way, but because I wanted them to feel that way.
I have a conscience, but one born through an understanding of right and wrong. Not through emotion. I have never physically hurt a soul, but I know I have made many unhappy.
I'm destined to be alone now. I'm no good. Broken. Defective. - said...
Great advice. Reassuring. Thanks
- said...
Im so confused. I need to know if he is a soc or was it me?? He fits so many traits but imsecond guessing myself. Im sick to my stomach. How do i know for sure
- Barbara said...
My guess would be its him. No real sociopath would be asking the questions you are. Their goal is to make you believe its you. Its not.
Hopefully you are in therapy.
Recommend you read these sites:
psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com - said...
I am just now realizing that my ex whom I gave everything to him for close to four years is a sociopath. He suffered from a brain tumor, was raped when he was 10 so I thought his negative behavior was related to all this but it was a never ending cycle. He always thought he was too good for me, put me down, accused me of cheating when I never did bc he was on all these dating sites and was texting so many other women. I even contracted an std from him, he left me when I found out I was pregnant. Accused me of sleeping around that it wasn't his. he never took any responsibility for his actions, somehow everything ended up being my fault and I would end up apologizing. Come to find out a few months later it was bc he had started seeing someone else. Long story short he started seeing me again while he was dating and planning to marry this other woman. I contacted her and she dumped him, he hated me for it. Said that was his true love. I guess I saved her. Idk why I felt like he would change, that he didn't mean the nasty things he did and said. But after reading all the post and articles about sociopaths I feel sorry for him but it does not erase the pain and grief he caused me. I don't know if I'll ever heal from this…
- said...
Just got out of a relationship of 16 years and realised I've been emotionally abused for all that time!!!all the characteristics of a sociopath are there, and he has now gone straight into another relationship ( but hes known her for a while-don't know how long)and I didn't understand why he suddenly stopped being interested in the things he told me he liked and started being interested in things she likes. (My daughter has kept me informed.) I keep discovering things he has said and done over the years, just found he has or had an e mail account in another name, and a mobile phone I wasn't aware of. What else has he done that I haven't yet discovered? Am in therapy, as is my daughter. I feel as though he tried to annhialate me but I was a complete person before I met him, and I can be again. My daughter has a much longer journey to become herself.
- said...
My ex orchestrated my home going into foreclosures with judgements. Today he said he just gonna buy it from bank sale. He stole all my assets. He will help me refinance my present home if I sign my other home to him. I am sitting here thinking about suicide. I have no friends due to fact he a drinker so no support from anyone. The facing being homeless with my daughter and he gets off Scott free with my assets.
- Unknown said...
I have a story would even surprise some here. I was married to a woman from France for 5 years. I discovered she was a prostitute and a call girl in spite of the fact I was at the time a successful actor. It is unbelievable the damage caused and that she is still, 18 years later, causing. I lost everything and for years no one ever believed me. I ended up being harassed and even death threatened for wanting to know who had threatened my then 4 year old son.Reputation destroyed,, finances destroyed and the accusations of abuse that were leveled at me believed, even my family turned against me, although I have some serious questions now regarding them, especially my sister. I was once a prosperous successful actor named Stephen Shellen
- slightedsoul said...
What ever you do... DO NOT TELL HIM YOU KNOW! This is SO important! Feel free to contact me at gmail...
- runawayhousewife said...
This is so helpful. I left my sociopath husband 3 months ago. I'm suffering from ptsd from the chaos and abuse. I left with nothing except my children (moved 10 hours away). However, he immediately replaced me, (I was a house wife) and the new girl/new supply claims to be pregnant. He now is giving me the silent treatment, as if I never existed. Which is better, I'm healing, it is painful, but every day gets easier. I have a strong gut intuition that something isn't right? As if this silent treatment, is a set up and I should be prepared for him to appear? Or am I being paranoid? Or do they just disappear? I contacted him for divorce and he won't respond. I have a feeling and I hope I'm wrong, this new girl is only "his friend" for now, but he's angry his "crazy whore" house wife left and I have this feeling he will appear again. He knows where I live
- runawayhousewife said...
This is so helpful. I left my sociopath husband 3 months ago. I'm suffering from ptsd from the chaos and abuse. I left with nothing except my children (moved 10 hours away). However, he immediately replaced me, (I was a house wife) and the new girl/new supply claims to be pregnant. He now is giving me the silent treatment, as if I never existed. Which is better, I'm healing, it is painful, but every day gets easier. I have a strong gut intuition that something isn't right? As if this silent treatment, is a set up and I should be prepared for him to appear? Or am I being paranoid? Or do they just disappear? I contacted him for divorce and he won't respond. I have a feeling and I hope I'm wrong, this new girl is only "his friend" for now, but he's angry his "crazy whore" house wife left and I have this feeling he will appear again. He knows where I live
- said...
Sociopaths have absolutely ell no redeeming qualities. They are FAKE, deceitful and should be identified and PUT TO DEATH! All they do is harm others, use others. GET RID OF THEM!
- said...
why should i not let my husband know that i know he is a sociopath? I am losing my mind and trying so hard to save my children. we are at the start of a divorce and he is driving me insane. - said...
I'm Daniel,
I am researching all the differences between Narcissists/ Sociopaths/ Psychopaths..
I ended a 2 year relationship that was emotionally insane to say the least.
I was able after about 18 months to get us into couples counseling. 3 weeks in the counselor asked me to leave the room, 15 minutes later she blasted out the door furious. On the ride home in her normal angry silence and one word cold responses she finally said" they think I'm crazy!" They had written her a referral to a psychiatrist whom I checked specialized in sever mental disorders.
Now almost every story I've read about relationships with someone with any of the afore mentioned clinical issues, she crisscrosses between them all. It'd be 10 out of 12 in this list and so on.
Her story is as all that I've read.. Molested/raped by her brother and father growing up, mother bringing men in at night and fooling around with them while dads at work, couple of these guys molested/raped her. Horrible divorce with parents took years, parents still fight 20 years later. Every relationship she has ever been in ending with her being abused/raped.
no relationship ever lasting more then a couple months. Then back and forth between former boyfriends and so on. Our relationship to my knowledge was the longest one she has ever had. She exhibits the charm, sweep you off your feet, then the manipulation, the destruction pattern. Then starts again and again. Broke up over everything, then back about 20 times.
Plays victim to everything and/or everything was my fault. Best/hardest thing I've ever had to do was ask her to leave. Which each day is getting better because I'm in counseling for PTSD!?!? Was I really in a war zone? And for whomever may wonder, there was never any verbal or physical violence of any kind my part, but she was extremely abusive verbally but never raised her voice and only hit me a couple times.
I can't find any answers to these questions. The differences at least..
1. She has had the same job for 9 years. men's hair stylist...
2. She rarely wanted sex. And when we did she would indirectly imply that I hurt her in some way...
3.Always had a significant female medical issue of some kind. I paid thousands in Dr. bills and they never found anything, ever.
4. Kind and wonderful to everyone. But I could literally see her face and demeanor change pulling into the drive way. It was gut wrenching.
5. Always in bed. Bored, then get excited lets do something then cringe in pain, back to bed.
6. Never gambled, broke the law in any way. Maybe because her step dad is a detective with the local PD. He persecuted former boyfriends, tried to with me but my attorney stopped him before the legal part was out of control.
I get it that a narcissistic family enables her. Does that in turn make her more ? What do I attempt to call it? Bat shite crazy?
she has been gone now for 2 months and I found out this morning that she was severely beaten by her boyfriend and in the hospital. Actually, it's the 2nd boyfriend since she left.
I'm staying no contact, there is nothing left here for her to destroy. I can't and won't do it again. - said...
Just ended a fast three month relationship with a sociopath. He was nothing but good to me... Perhaps perfect... Made me feel loved and impressed friends and family w/the way he treated me. I thought I had finally found the partner I deserved. I now see he only used me, mirrored me, sucked me dry and ate my heart. Two weeks ago, I recieved Facebook messages from two of his ex's... He had been sleeping with one off and on the entire time and slept with the other the Weds before our breakup. Once confronted his mask slipped and my Prince Charming became emotionless and crazy eyed. I told him he sabotaged us and he has since blocked me. Both of those girls are 19 and 21, pathetic and sad. I'm glad they "warned" me but i know they were also jealous. One woman who was also a victim of a sociopath said to "find peace in the silence" which is what I am trying to do. I hope he doesn't unblock me or contact me anytime soon. If he does I will ignore him or feed him a series of lies.
- said...
They are everywhere, I am a mental health nurse and im only just coming to terms with the fact my partner of 2 years fits the description to a T. I have to plan and think what to do about this without a knee jerk reaction.
- said...
What happens if you let them know that you know lol cause I already did whoops and after then I read my horoscope saying not to let it be known or it will be severe weight on my shoulders, so I'm probably screwed now!
- said...
I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am 3 weeks and 1 day out of my relationship with a narcissistic sociopath. The last week of our relationship he woke me in the night to drunken brutal sex that, of course he claimed to not remember the next day, an attempt to emotionally scar my 7 year old son, & a public facebook post threatening my life without really threatening my life. Today, I find out that that last sexual encounter resulted in me being pregnant.
Im scared and don't know what to do. I DO NOT want him to know about this baby. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you - Catherine Campion said...
It really helps to read other people's stories. Interesting that it seems to be primarily women who are violated by sociopaths. Are most sociopaths men, I wonder?
I too am relived it only took three months for the sociopathy to reveal itself:
I had met this man (a Marine, which I understand greatly increases his chances for sociopathic tendencies) through my social circles. One night, after a party, he expressed interest in me and our relationship began. Two weeks into it, he got blackout drunk while we were together on a group bike ride, after he had promised he would get me home safely that night. 3am found me riding the hour ride home by myself.
The next day, he called to apologize (He "didn't remember anything.") He said he didn't know why he kept getting so drunk, as he didn't want to (textbook alcoholic). He said, "How about if I don't drink around you?" I have many years in AlAnon, so I would never ask this of him, nor monitor his drinking - I just didn't want it negatively affecting me again.
I then made myself very vulnerable and completely honest with him, letting him know that I was ready for serious partnership, and not interested in casually dating him. He said, "Teach me how to be a better man for you." (They sure do know how to say all the right things.)
There were so many red flags after that (repeatedly getting black-out drunk, telling me he didn't want anyone to know we were together, using me for money, etc.), I'm amazed I tolerated his abuse as long as I did.
He asked if he could join me on my annual monthlong travels, visiting my family around the country. I was so stoked because I've never been with someone eager to travel with me & meet the fam! Shortly after I included him in my plans, he told me that of course he didn't have money for traveling (Good lord, writing this out I am realizing what a sucker I was), so of course I offered to cover all of his airfare (several flights).
One hour before we departed, he dropped the bomb on me that he was dropping out of our travels early to go party with friends at Ephemerisle (basically, mini burning man on the water). I nearly fainted. I also found out much later that he knew all along he was going to do this, and was hiding it from me.
A few days later, naked in bed together after sex, he tells me, "I don't love you, and I don't have any feelings for you." When I ask him why has been with me this whole time, he says, "I guess I've just been using you for pragmatic reasons," shrugs his shoulders, and gives me the Vulcan hand gesture.
I have spent the past year recovering from three months with him. Have never felt so used/violated in my entire life. I've thought about warning our social scene about him, but in retrospect, I was warned by "friends" of his not to trust him early on. Seems we all have to make our own mistakes. - Dancer1978 said...
I was in a similar situation. I moved to a new area and met a guy. He was very charming. We started hanging out. Right off the bat he looked at me like I was the most special person in the world. I knew this was usually a red flag. He also told me he loved me after less then a month. I questioned it. My gut kept saying run. He was in the process of writing a song for my mom amongst other things. I found out a week Or so after I met him he was homeless. I would let him take a shower and wash clothes. He would stay over sometimes. Then he would stay a few days. Finally he was living with me. He would help out around the apt. Ar first he was getting unemployment and then it stopped. I bought food, gas money, etc. I wanted to help and I didn't expect anything. We were having a sexual relationship as well. He had a jealous side that started showing. I saw a Jekyll and Hyde personality. He would tell me I was an angel that saved him one minute and then call me a slut the next. He would yell in my face so much that spit would come out. I would just close up. I would tell him to stop and he wouldn't. I would get mad and he would write a long letter or get me something if he had the money. Either with my money I have him or his. He would be super mean and then nice. He would rationalize his actions and somehow turn it around in me. He would tell me I need help when I would say he did. He made me question myself and who I was. I still find myself making excuses for him. I still worry about him and if he's living in his van. I cut off ties about a month ago. Right now he's trying to get ahold of me so I can be on his bank card. He reminds me he put me on his life insurance plan at work. He uses tactics that "if I cared" you wouldn't do this to me... Etc. it worked for awhile. My anxiety was through the roof. It's getting better but is still pretty bad. I have a very stressful job then I would come home to him yelling at me and manipulating me so I felt like I was going crazy. My gut was always right. I still have to remind myself not to feel sorry for him or want to help him. I helped him and now he needs to help himself. One time he was yelling at me and crying. He started getting in my face I went to my room and tried to get away. I told him to leave me alone and stop yelling. He wouldn't. I told him I felt like hitting him. He told me to. I said no. He took my arm very tightly and started hitting himself in the head repeatedly. When he stopped I told him to leave. He never truly apologized. He said he did it bc I wanted to. He made it out to be like it was my fault. That's the first time he's touched me like that. I still wonder why I kept accepting his apologies after his yelling. He was so good at turning around a situation. They are good at lying at changing your perception. You start questioning yourself.
- said...
I too have been the victim of one. It has ruined my life because it was an online affair. 3 years it took for me to understand he was a sociopath... involved with countless others as well as myself. when finally confronted he became enraged that I had the audacity to question him and search out the truth... but in retrospect he was pretty careless in the lies and did little to cover them up. I was stupid and in love with him. Now, after a suicide attempt I am getting serious help, though I have been told I will never likely be the kind, loving person I was before this. I have lost my home, my wife ( yes I was a cad too ), my friends... I have lost everything. These people are monsters...
- xiaofu46 said...
I am a male who ran into this, My wife of 20 years. After it was all said and done I realized what had occurred and am now in the process of rebuilding my life and relationships with my adult children. I shared your blog at
If this is not ok please let me know and I will remove it.
She picks and preys on a certain type of man, Usually one who is not physically intimidating. She plays tricks on his mind, not because she is smarter, but because he wants to believe there is hope for his lonely heart. In this respect she is a cagey hunter. She will always say I love you, until she has used every kindness he has and the suspicion sets in. He's not a fool, just a man with pain and she will cause him more. She will mock him to others, thinking they will never meet. She will spit her derision out and laugh at his weakness, thinking the person she tells is impressed by her hatefulness. There is no gratitude there is no depth of emotion. Nothing registers in her mind but her own need for attention. Anyone or thing coming in the way of that is a target. She is ALWAYS looking for her next fix, while stringing along the last.
But, a certain type of man preys on her also. A man that sees her vanity and knows it is a weakness. A man that will change from a simple fling, to a late night knock at her door, unexpected, maybe more. A dangerous man, that knows her stripes and IS smarter than her. She will call out to her friends for help, only to find that she has none, she gave away her love physically to any taker and never understood, it took more than that to keep love. No one will come, no one will save her, she has no one at all. Past time to step away from this person, far past time. But, she screams still, "look at me, I am important", to all those she made so insignificant. No ones looking anymore, we save our care for those that return it. No more chances to make it right. - said...
I am just now trying to end 19 years with two kids. It has been the same for me and worse. Hang in there. We can do it
- said...
My experience was with a man I loved for over 30 years. I fell for him when I was 17. Things never materialized between us until we happened upon each other about 25 years later. He crossed my mind periodically over the years when I would remember something from the past. I think he was my
first real love. Our paths crossed again 25 years later and it was like a world wind romance. My dream had finally come true or so I thought. It's been 6 months now since ive spoke to him and of course he's moved on. I'm better than I was but I still can not stop thinking about him and missing him. I know it was all a lie on his part but I just want him to miss me and love me and regret it all and that just is not going to happen. I want to forget I ever knew him and forget all the fun times I had with him cause it wasn't real to him but it was real to me. It still hurts so bad and I just wanna be over but I don't know how. How could he do this to me somebody he knew for so long and how can I ever move on when I just wanna die. - said...
I let mine know and throw it in his face every chance I get. It throws him off for a while. He has always had a manipulating response that before you know it it's not about them its all about you to everything and anything until now. sometimes I have to catch myself getting lost in it....but that's getting further and farther between. everybody says to run and they are never win I'm determined to because he's destroyed everything discovering who it was but the best thing ever could have happened to me because I realized I'm not crazy. What sucks is I think everybody thinks I am and I don't try to explain it to anybody anymore. I guess what's important is that I know im not nuts..I am good person
- said...
I actually got spit on in my face tonight
- said...
I think its selfish people say to be grateful you are away from your sociopath when it has been the worst pain in your life and then watch other people suffer through it and just sit back and watch. I will never. I have been with my sociopath since his daughter has been 2 months old which we have at least 50% of the time if I leave her alone she will become one and if I see him be with another woman I will not let her suffer the way I have. I cant there somebody else to feel the pain I have and I will die trying to make sure they don't
- said...
I think what you said is absolutely amazing and the way that I feel is well however I probably go about it a little different I choose to say to save the people I love that I might not be able to have anymore if I leave... she's four. I have two of my own children that are grown and if it wasn't for them and her I would have killed myself until I discovered what he was and as devastating as it was in the beginning there was a light at the end of the tunnel because they were finally answers to questions I never understood. And now in the strong person that I used to be it's hard and I might not be as happy as I could be for sure but I will make sure that she will not become her father
- said...
almost everybody seems like they're telling my story you definitely do. It took me a long time to get remotely strong. And I thought that I was finished be okay with everything and figure it out on my own and you just reminded me of something but I'm not paying attention to. His new trick is that I've worked so hard my whole life raising two children by myself that I shouldnt have to work anymore and he's going to take care of me however he has yet to give me a god damn thing. this is the first time I've let him move in but the first time I knew he was a sociopath. you did not sell your children it is their job that I believe come straight from evil to destroy you and make you believe everything and anything it is the worst relationship to recover from because you don't just have the natural pain of a break up but the reality that it was never real. and the hardest thing for me now is that I don't feel I have anyone around me who really cares to listen and understand. he has a 4 year old that I've been with since the beginning pretty much and her mom and I are friends but I don't even think she takes it seriously so I have to stick it out until she is free of him
- said...
I am seeing signs on my husband and stumbled upon this site. I want to leave but I don't know where to go. We have three kids and I need to keep my job to support them because I know he won't be able to. He never had a stable job. For 10 years he works 3 months here and there and his excuse for quitting was his boss forcing him to work long long hours. There so many things. He yells and scream all the time when we are alone, but when audience are around he's the sweetest person. I don't know how and where to start. Advise will be appreciated.
- said...
I was the second wife of a sociopath that is now onto his 4th wife. When his first wife tried to warn me that he was abusive to her, he made sure there was not further contact with her and I didn't heed the warning. He was, as I read in this article, everything I had every wanted for myself and my young son. I let him move in within weeks of knowing him, he played on my sympathy for the "poor man" that had been treated so badly by his wife. He proposed marriage before his divorce was complete. After our second child was born and I was no longer working outside the home his mask started come off. I started to pick up on white lies, abusive behaviors, etc. It was like seeing the act from behind the curtain for the first time. I can only assume he relaxed his persona once he knew he had me fully in his grip, married, 3 children, no job. Within a few months of our separation he had his 3rd wife move herself and her 2 young children over 50 miles away from her family. I tried to warn the 3rd wife but it was futile, he had already integrated himself into her life as everything she was looking for. Within months of that marriage ending he had his soon to be 4th wife (15 years his junior) moved in. This time I have not attempted to contact her for 2 reasons; she will not believe anything the "crazy, vindictive" ex wife tells her and because she is a complete 180 of his 3rd wife, this is good for my children. I feel a bit of guilt because I know once they are married, he has his vasectomy reversed and they have a child, this marriage will end leaving another family in the path of his destruction. I do feel some sympathy for him because I know he is just a shell of a human that needs others to define him and fill his needs; however, this doesn't mean I am ok with the lives of women and children he has destroyed and will continue to destroy.