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User talk:Luvvy/Archive 4
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Also refrain from flaming or other abusive behaviour. This is still my user space and I reserve the right to remove what I don't like. An angry, cranky and generally bitter Luvvy is not your Easter Bunny and will hate your guts for the duration of her next periods or so. |
That would make you <insert name here> feel very, very bad about it. You don't want that, now do you. Thank you for being so considerate. |
edit I'll do this myself this time...
Here's a handy little friend of mine, however the one I've got in the bedside drawer is a pink one... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) 10:51, 12 Jun
- Isn't that some kind of gastropod? -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- It was the closest approximation to what I had in mind I could find. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) 10:57, 12 Jun
edit UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever
The Newspaper Whose Mum Said It Was Cool!
June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!
"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week
This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it. |
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I think I'm going crazy.
13:59, 12 June 2009 (UTC)edit I saw your comment
On Noob of the Month. Is it just because I gave you that review and you didn't like it or something? Cause I'm not a socpuppet, and I don't know what I could've have done to make you think that. Staircase CUNt 16:31, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- To be honest, I didn't even remember that you wrote a review before you mentioned it. That review wasn't to my liking, since though I did wonder if you ever looked at the revisions pre-rewrite project in comparison to the changes I had already made. My general annoyance over you is more because of your unpleasant habit of whoring everything you do everywhere. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) 17:33, 12 Jun
- Well, ok, could you give me an example, beside the UnNews thing? Staircase CUNt 17:43, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- What bloody unnews article? I'm typing this on my phone while at work in a bunker and it's not the best method to post... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) 19:56, 12 Jun
- Sounds like fun! I like trying to type with my nose on my phone. Staircase CUNt 20:03, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- You're not making much sense. And if you ever, ever try to whore anything on my talk page, my automatic vote is Against., as stated above. Now, wander off to whoever's calling your shots and down another few. I don't like you or the way you behave on this site, hence my vote against you for NotM. Get over it. There's only room for one ego on my user pages and that's the undersigned, so go away to wherever you came from and hang out there in stead. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) 21:34, 12 Jun
- Sounds like fun! I like trying to type with my nose on my phone. Staircase CUNt 20:03, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- What bloody unnews article? I'm typing this on my phone while at work in a bunker and it's not the best method to post... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) 19:56, 12 Jun
- Well, ok, could you give me an example, beside the UnNews thing? Staircase CUNt 17:43, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
edit Just wanted to say...
I agree with your comments on NotM. My sockpuppet-o-meter is going off as well. I don't feel like stirring up any drama, so I'm staying quiet, but I very much agree with you. Super anonymous user... just don't roll over this link. 20:15, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- Well, as some twats in irc who have no idea of what real life entails, let alone that the disembodied semicoherent string of letters on their screen is a living, breathing person with feelings and other things on their mind that take up their patience than just "friendly banter" of a bunch of nolife teenagers teaming up against me... </stops ranting>
- Actually, the point I'm making, some people have already labelled me as the biggest drama queen around, so I can stir up some by saying I don't like someone. I'm not threatening them, just politely asking them to stay away from my user pages. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) 21:34, 12 Jun
edit To Dame or not to Dame?
To Dame. ~ 11:39, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
edit Thank you
YOU ARE LOVED! And in appreciation for your donation to The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association I am sending a sign of my personal love for you — your very own polyester prayer handkerchief, suitable for wiping the tears of joyous revelation. ~ B. G. |
Hope you're feeling alright. --T. (talk) 10:26, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Considering I'm not as much recovering from surgery as PMS related patience burnout with some twats in irc who think they're wiseasses for whatever reason whose sole purpose these days seems to be to insult me personally whenever I try to defend one of the few but important cornerstones of my moral principles... *Sigh* My patience can take me through a uniformed shift in the field with drunkards and teenagers and assholes trying to provoke me to violence, can't deal with such shit in my spare time. To me #uncyclopedia was a hangout place in my spare time until it started feeling too much like work. As in waaay too much like work, trying to reason with teenagers online however doesn't come with one handy extra perk. Were they face to face with me trying to pull that kind of a thing off, I'd be allowed to arrest them. So no irc, maybe ever, and I completely lost my respect for a few individuals whose views on personal privacy are flimsy at best. (Pasting links to pictures of someone who hasn't kept it entirely secret that are online is one thing, and I have forgiven that idiot for doing it, whatever some of these idiots think, doing so with someone who prefers anonymity AND their immediate family's profiles on networking sites with full real names and all...) Maybe I'm ranting, but I just think I'm done with irc until further notice and will probably never ever submit any of my articles for a formal pee review ever again. I like to hear what could be improved, I hate it when someone completely disregards the fact that the review is a mid-rewrite, let alone that the jokes they so much hate and are bashing me for are in fact ones that I've been working hard to remove.
- I may be considered crazy for not aiming for getting a feature (as if my writing in my third language really were that good, considering I thrive on sarcasm and satire, with some subtle intelligent and slightly absurd humour thrown in, in stead of the haha-fart-haha slapstick the majority of users seem to consider to be "fun"), but I don't frankly give a shit anymore. I can write, just not to everyone else's tastes, I guess, and the people I like generally like me back.
- Maybe I really am the cranky old resident bitch by now. -- DameViktoria 13:17, 14 Jun
- I can relate to a lot of this... I don't really understand the tastes here either. There is some legitimately clever and funny stuff, but also a lot of infantile profanity, faddish flavour of the moment material, and campaigned/whored/popularity-induced voting. Pee Review can be an embarrassing dressing down. It's completely dependent on who decides to evaluate you... And for the poor intelligence-to-noise ratio I usually avoid irc completely. Instead, I try to focus on what keeps me happy. I do appreciate awards and nice comments, but I'm primarily intent on producing work that is personally satisfying, regardless of how it is perceived (or ignored). It works, though I have to keep reminding myself to think that way, particularly when life is stressful. --T. (talk) 14:03, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- I don't know about your current situation, but I've got a full time job in administrative duties, I just got into graduate school (international business and logistics, studied engineering for a few years before that. Had a hiatus for a year from those studies and decided I don't want to go back anytime soon. Got into the new school as one of the best applicants, apparently. O_o) and will probably be stuck paying off loan downpayements for a flat in the near future. Why? Because it'll be a cheaper way of living than paying rent for my current home... :/ -- DameViktoria 14:16, 14 Jun
- Grad school will be an ordeal... My Master's degree was completed recently enough that I can still smell the ink, and I'll definitely be feeling the sting of the loan repayments for some time. But university consumed me to the point where I could hardly think about coming in here. Things are better now. My work and family life is still tiring, but I like to put in some work here while enjoying myself with some creative writing. But if it wasn't fun, I couldn't stay. When was the last time you were really enjoying yourself here? --T. (talk) 18:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Before my last eight month hiatus when a move from one town to another and getting a job, being laid off and finding a new job and such took out my energy. I have fun sometimes, but irc gets on my patience, so in stead of sticking around and whining about it, I decided to not go back there for a while. I added the email user feature to my uncyc account, btw, now I'm curious to see if anyone (disregarding obvious vandals) spots it :) -- DameViktoria 18:29, 14 Jun
- I guess I'm getting tired with the internet in general. -- DameViktoria 19:56, 14 Jun
- Grad school will be an ordeal... My Master's degree was completed recently enough that I can still smell the ink, and I'll definitely be feeling the sting of the loan repayments for some time. But university consumed me to the point where I could hardly think about coming in here. Things are better now. My work and family life is still tiring, but I like to put in some work here while enjoying myself with some creative writing. But if it wasn't fun, I couldn't stay. When was the last time you were really enjoying yourself here? --T. (talk) 18:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- I don't know about your current situation, but I've got a full time job in administrative duties, I just got into graduate school (international business and logistics, studied engineering for a few years before that. Had a hiatus for a year from those studies and decided I don't want to go back anytime soon. Got into the new school as one of the best applicants, apparently. O_o) and will probably be stuck paying off loan downpayements for a flat in the near future. Why? Because it'll be a cheaper way of living than paying rent for my current home... :/ -- DameViktoria 14:16, 14 Jun
- Just a random interjection: I've been on here for a couple of years now, and have been on IRC about 5 times. I only ever really went on to find admins when I saw a blanking spree, and now I don't need to do that, I don't go near it. There are still good things about this place, and good users about, otherwise I wouldn't be here either. I hope that a few muppets don't drive off one of my more favouritestiest users. In conclusion: HUG! --UU - natter 21:13, Jun 14
- I *like* hanging out in places like irc, but on the other hand, if it makes me feel less than happy, it's not for me. *hugs back*. When it feels more like work, it's not worth bothering for in my spare time. -- DameViktoria 21:17, 14 Jun
- Just a brief pop-in: i've never been on IRC myself, quite frankly, whenever I get in a chat room I get all nervous and leave within 5 seconds. Anyways, sorry if things aren't going good right now, Luvvy. Just so you know, I would never think of calling you (or anyone else, for that matter) a bitch, honkey, asshole, douche, etc. unless I was just fooling around. Really, Uncyclopedia has been a fun diversionary for me, but if it's getting more tiresome then enjoyable to come here, then maybe you should cut back a bit. I hope everything is going alright. Cheers from your resident American =) Saberwolf116 22:14, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- I *like* hanging out in places like irc, but on the other hand, if it makes me feel less than happy, it's not for me. *hugs back*. When it feels more like work, it's not worth bothering for in my spare time. -- DameViktoria 21:17, 14 Jun
- I can relate to a lot of this... I don't really understand the tastes here either. There is some legitimately clever and funny stuff, but also a lot of infantile profanity, faddish flavour of the moment material, and campaigned/whored/popularity-induced voting. Pee Review can be an embarrassing dressing down. It's completely dependent on who decides to evaluate you... And for the poor intelligence-to-noise ratio I usually avoid irc completely. Instead, I try to focus on what keeps me happy. I do appreciate awards and nice comments, but I'm primarily intent on producing work that is personally satisfying, regardless of how it is perceived (or ignored). It works, though I have to keep reminding myself to think that way, particularly when life is stressful. --T. (talk) 14:03, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
edit I did that thing
With that youtube thing on that one article. I hope you like it.
17:05, 15 June 2009 (UTC)- On Crash test dummy. Remember? 21:51, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
edit Revenge
...is mine ~ 08:48, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
- That site keeps crashing, but not to worry, I'm still the badassest cuddler around. /me cuddles her favourite Jew -- DameViktoria 20:39, 18 Jun
edit For one of my more favouritestiest users
Woo! Yay, go you! Under User has decided that you are "quite a decent sort", which is apparently one of his highest terms of praise! This is therefore a good thing, and in accordance with this, he's throwing a party down the manhole to celebrate. Look at him go! You're not invited though. Don't take it personally. |
As I don't have any kind of hug template, have this instead. --UU - natter 09:22, Jun 18
- What the hell did I earn that for? O_o *Hugs and snatches the award template before someone takes it away, putting it into safekeeping* -- DameViktoria 20:48, 18 Jun
- Because wikis need more hugs! --UU - natter 10:57, Jun 19
- Nice. And I thank you. Since I seem to be suffering total writer's block for anything more useful than angered ramblings, I doubt I'll ever get a feature... Are you, by any happenstance, of the breed who occasionally pops by irc? It'd be good to have a brief chat. -- DameViktoria 11:03, 19 Jun
- As I mentioned elsewhere at some point, I have ventured on IRC about 4 times in the 2 years I've been here. I don't have that much interest in improving that ratio either - trying to filter out the inane noise and find anything worthwhile just gives me a headache! Plus, I'm about to go make Mrs UU's lunch! However, 'twould be nice to have a chat one day, so you never know, I may pop on. Anyway, time for a patented UU Pizza Fritata - toodles! --UU - natter 11:15, Jun 19
- Or then there's that convy "Email" button in my nav bar, and you could get an IM address in return. I don't fancy pasting such out here for just anyone to see... -- DameViktoria 11:19, 19 Jun
- I...M... ? Those letters in that format mean very little to me. (Actually, the other reason I tend to avoid IRC is my tremendous lack of speed at typing or indeed formulating coherent responses. An IM conversation with me is not too dissimilar to this very talkpage conversation in terms of gaps in interaction! ;-) --UU - natter 21:00, Jun 22
- Or then there's that convy "Email" button in my nav bar, and you could get an IM address in return. I don't fancy pasting such out here for just anyone to see... -- DameViktoria 11:19, 19 Jun
- As I mentioned elsewhere at some point, I have ventured on IRC about 4 times in the 2 years I've been here. I don't have that much interest in improving that ratio either - trying to filter out the inane noise and find anything worthwhile just gives me a headache! Plus, I'm about to go make Mrs UU's lunch! However, 'twould be nice to have a chat one day, so you never know, I may pop on. Anyway, time for a patented UU Pizza Fritata - toodles! --UU - natter 11:15, Jun 19
- Nice. And I thank you. Since I seem to be suffering total writer's block for anything more useful than angered ramblings, I doubt I'll ever get a feature... Are you, by any happenstance, of the breed who occasionally pops by irc? It'd be good to have a brief chat. -- DameViktoria 11:03, 19 Jun
- Because wikis need more hugs! --UU - natter 10:57, Jun 19
edit UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce
Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now!
Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1!
Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains. |
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UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox |
You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:44, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
edit Your talk page doesn't work...
...Hikipediassa. So I kiusaan hier. Du är ruotsalainen, ja? How can you parler suomea? Kan du muita kieliä auch tala? --Pullamössö 21:05, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
- Kuinka se ei muka toimi? Serveri taas liian raskaasti kuormitettu? Olen itse kolmikielinen, tosin ymmärrän noin viittä muuta ja tavallaan osaan kouluranskaa yms... -- DameViktoria 21:45, 21 Jun
- Niin se lakkoilee. No siinä oli jo yhdeksän. Minäkin ymmärrän kahta. Toista osaan peräti puhuakin. --Pullamössö 00:03, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
- Onneksi olen lomalla, niin ei tartte muuta kun Ameriikkaa ja Kissalle Lässytystä puhua... :) -- DameViktoria 08:27, 22 Jun
- Meinaatko että siitä on vaivaa? Minä pääsen aika helpolla tässä, kun voin äidinkielellä puhella. --Pullamössö 14:41, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
- Meh, vapaalla ja naatiskellen suomen luonnosta ilman nettiä kuin satunnaisesti, mikäs sen parempaa? -- DameViktoria 22:11, 25 Jun
- Is this Klingon? Elven? Are you talking national security here? ~ 22:17, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
- I wouldn't share national security related secrets over this media, and you couldn't get them out of me even by torturing me, Matok... You could be a spook for all I know! -- DameViktoria 22:41, 25 Jun
- I would! For a suitable price of course... And this is Klingon: Suomen luonto on näin kesäisin täynnä hyttysiä. Ja ampiaisia. Ja kaikki muita piikikkäitä ja häijyijä otuksia, jotka yrmy Luoja viisaudessaan on asettanut ihmisiä kiusaamaan. Talvi on sikäli hauskempi. Toisaalta syksy on ehkä paras. --Pullamössö 22:13, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
- I wouldn't share national security related secrets over this media, and you couldn't get them out of me even by torturing me, Matok... You could be a spook for all I know! -- DameViktoria 22:41, 25 Jun
- Is this Klingon? Elven? Are you talking national security here? ~ 22:17, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
- Meh, vapaalla ja naatiskellen suomen luonnosta ilman nettiä kuin satunnaisesti, mikäs sen parempaa? -- DameViktoria 22:11, 25 Jun
- Meinaatko että siitä on vaivaa? Minä pääsen aika helpolla tässä, kun voin äidinkielellä puhella. --Pullamössö 14:41, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
- Onneksi olen lomalla, niin ei tartte muuta kun Ameriikkaa ja Kissalle Lässytystä puhua... :) -- DameViktoria 08:27, 22 Jun
- Niin se lakkoilee. No siinä oli jo yhdeksän. Minäkin ymmärrän kahta. Toista osaan peräti puhuakin. --Pullamössö 00:03, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
edit Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money
Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" |
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We're not late you're just high! Orian57 Talk 14:31 30 June 2009
edit Cheers me dear
For voting for me in my quest for Foolitzer and helping me win it for June 2009!--Sir Sunbeam no u F@H KUN 13:25, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
- I don't remember voting for you, but considering I've spent the last 14 hours in a gloomy bunker with the only light sources being tons of monitors... thank you, some sunlight is appreciated. Even if it's, per your own wording, a crappy sun. :) -- DameViktoria 22:29, 3 Jul
edit UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"
The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named. |
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edit I'm seeing luvverly kittens everywhere, so I thought I'd leave you a puppy...
Pup 01:21, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost 9th July 2009
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!
Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years
In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before.
Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range. |
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edit Testing... Testing... O_o
edit Welcome to Uncyclopedia! Please follow me for the grand tour...
Member of the Order of Uncyclopedia This person has successfully registered on Uncyclopedia. They should be proud of themselves for making such a smart move. |
- Hello Luvvy, and welcome to Uncyclopedia!
- So what's this message all about?
- I noticed you have recently joined our community and that you have tried your new toddler feet at making some contributions to our little collection of articles. I really hope you thought a little before acting, since otherwise you'll get into trouble with these guys faster than I did... :(
- Anyway, if you have not already, I SERIOUSLY recommend that you read the link below:
- Probably the second most important thing for a newcomer is:
- - It's not an insult, and it's well worth a look.
- If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia, try these:
- About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
- How to get started editing
- Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
- Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
- Our Vanity Policies - stuff we don't care about.
- The FAQs - a few commonly asked questions answered for your convenience
- I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
- If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page (if this message has appeared in the last few minutes, I'm probably still on-line, heck, I'm likely glued to my keyboard, for a change), or trolling about in chat. You can also ask an administrator on their talk page or add the following:
to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Browse our list of available mentors, and leave them a message on their talk page.
Doing my best here to fix the welcome message sig issue O_o -- DameViktoria 19:38, 15 Jul
edit UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke
User Return Causes Widespread Panic This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future. |
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edit Moi no
Tuun vuorostani tänne hypähtelemään. Onkos täällä mitään äksönii? Uhkaileeko teitä kukaan oikeustoimilla? --Pullamössö 19:21, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- Ei ainakaan toistaiseksi. Tietääkseni. Sannse tietäisi varmemman vastauksen tuohon. Onko joku pässi keksinyt Hikistä nostaa kohun? -- DameViktoria 19:41, 20 Jul
- Auvisen Ismo ahdisteltuaan hikipeedikkoja jonkun vuoden ilmoitti tuossa kuun vaihteessa viimein tehneensä rikosilmoituksen koulusurma-artikkelista. Artikkeli on poistettu (taas vaihteeksi). Saa nyt nähdä. Jotakuta on näemmä vähän potkittu :D Ei tosin niin paljon kuin minua. --Pullamössö 19:55, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- Justiinsa. Olisi pitänyt arvata. Tosin, sille se on arka paikka, kun omaista koskeva artikkeli oli... -- DameViktoria 20:07, 20 Jul
- Enpä tiedä. Ei kovin hyvällä asenteella ole suhtautunut missään vaiheessa asiaan. Vähän niin kuin olisi isse etsinyt ongelmia. Ja meidän artikkeli ei ollut edes kovin paha. Näkisitpä mitä niillä Dramaticassa on siitä... --Pullamössö 20:45, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- En sano ääneen, minkä nimisiä asiakkaita tai asiakasyritysten edustajia tulee mieleen tuosta kuvauksesta. -- DameViktoria 21:34, 20 Jul
- Älä :) Sinun pitäisi pyöriä enemmän Hikissä. --Pullamössö 12:04, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
- En sano ääneen, minkä nimisiä asiakkaita tai asiakasyritysten edustajia tulee mieleen tuosta kuvauksesta. -- DameViktoria 21:34, 20 Jul
- Enpä tiedä. Ei kovin hyvällä asenteella ole suhtautunut missään vaiheessa asiaan. Vähän niin kuin olisi isse etsinyt ongelmia. Ja meidän artikkeli ei ollut edes kovin paha. Näkisitpä mitä niillä Dramaticassa on siitä... --Pullamössö 20:45, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- Justiinsa. Olisi pitänyt arvata. Tosin, sille se on arka paikka, kun omaista koskeva artikkeli oli... -- DameViktoria 20:07, 20 Jul
- Auvisen Ismo ahdisteltuaan hikipeedikkoja jonkun vuoden ilmoitti tuossa kuun vaihteessa viimein tehneensä rikosilmoituksen koulusurma-artikkelista. Artikkeli on poistettu (taas vaihteeksi). Saa nyt nähdä. Jotakuta on näemmä vähän potkittu :D Ei tosin niin paljon kuin minua. --Pullamössö 19:55, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen. |
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edit Vacation
Going to meet mister Luvvy? ~ 20:24, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
- On Thursday. Flying via London, but you bugger are there the wrong day. Otherwise we could have had coffee at Heathrow while waiting for our flights... -- DameViktoria 21:05, 26 Jul
edit 5+ years ago -
This site had amazingly funny pages filled with oscar wilde quotes and kitten huffing and AAAAA and what have you. I just joined now because it feels way too much like 4chan and that's absolutely not what made it funny in the first place. The style of humor was once unique and amazing, and it'd be nice to see that again. Anyway, just responding to the semi-auto email sent to me after I joined.--The.real.dan 15:02, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
- Hmm... The site is what the community makes of it. -- DameViktoria 20:50, 28 Jul
- No it's not. We should revert every single page to what we had five years ago. And we should stop driving cars and start riding horses. And get rid of cell phones. And ban all forms of machinery. And stop using computers. And - —The preceding unsigned comment was added by PuppyOnTheRadio (talk • contribs)
- Hmm... The site is what the community makes of it. -- DameViktoria 20:50, 28 Jul
Hope you're feeling better - sorry to hear about your misfortune. Thankyou for the n00b-welcoming message - very nice of you.
Horrifying Joke Of The Moment: What does Michael Jackson think is the best thing about 21-year-olds. There's 20 of them.
I apologise. Here's a better one:
Quizmaster: Johnny Weismuller dies on this day. Which loincloth-clad, vine-swinging hero did he play in the movies? Contestant: Jesus.
QM: The duke of which county traditionally resides at Woburn abbey? CT: Hazzard.
Hope you're feeling better, Monkey Boy
edit UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!
Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you. |
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edit UnSignpost! August 6th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!
Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump
Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on |
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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:27, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!
The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!
Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better
UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything
EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite |
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edit UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!
The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.
Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news
Fantasy Football Draft Finished After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it. |
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edit UnSignpost 4th September
The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.
Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway
Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is:
Thank you for your time. |
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-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:43, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost Randomber -60th
The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized
Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough
Random Headline At 3:28 AM, mailboxes deliberated a kitten. While espresso was recollecting, a t-shirt suddenly programmed. Jesus chased out the tax collectors; he missed here! The other Guy regurgitates lucky bastard! Pixie legislates a virus! BASEBALL' MUGABE HAS AIDS'! In a few words, snake legislates knifes! Did the colonel plagiarize...
At long last, elephant gun</noinclude> shiv</noinclude> anti-semitic</noinclude> Gelidite</noinclude> Mohammed James Ray</noinclude> tail</noinclude> a broom</noinclude> Zoroastrian</noinclude> wasted by a big green semi truck</noinclude> 7:54 PM</noinclude> Afghanistan</noinclude> 1984 </noinclude> shouldn't</noinclude> vodka</noinclude> douchehorse</noinclude> cured</noinclude> Ashanthi Gratian</noinclude> butthead</noinclude> 95</noinclude>. HATE HATE HAT!!!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane
Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! Gromnie</noinclude>. Blam!</noinclude>. |
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In a few words, please think of the Where will you find roads without cars, forests without trees and cities without houses?</noinclude> lucky bastards!
15:12, 7 September 2009 (UTC)edit Welcome Noobs
I noticed you've welcomed a lot of noobies. I've welcomed a couple, but one of them had already been here for two weeks and had written an article he asked for a Pee Review and nobody had welcomed him! Is there a way I can easily tell who's new and help put welcome messages on their talk page? DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 07:10, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
- This thing here might be useful. There's also a script for automating the welcome message, but you'd have to ask someone smarter than me how to implement it. I'm sitting in class at uni, so I can't fish around for it. I suggest asking nicely in irc. -- DameViktoria 07:21, 10 Sep
edit Rosh Hashanah
So you're not Jewish - who cares? You're learning Hebrew and who needs an excuse to stuff themselves on honey and far too many sweet cake-y type things? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:06, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
edit Happy Birthday Sis.
Erm. Guess I kinda blew my wad with the header there. Happy birthday. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:37, 18 Sep
Happy Birthday! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 04:22, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost September 10/17
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!
Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia
This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar's Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase's Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions' manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team's starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints' quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy's flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry! |
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This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:48, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living
UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league's games qualifying as "blowouts." Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase's Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar's Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic "Team" Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich "The Dude" Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings:
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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:08, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism!
October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!
Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia. |
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Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:13, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
edit Hey!
Hey thanks for the corrections and stuff!
Have a good one! / wack —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Wackooo (talk • contribs)
edit Adopt-a-noob request
(Looks up from underneath paw...)
Would your highness consider me for adopt-a-noob? I am but a poor Irish child in need of editorial guidance and occasional scolding. You were so nice to welcome me, and we share the spelling & grammar nazi gene (eat flaming death, non-aran sweaters and so forth). Here's a nice joke by Clement Freud.
Please? Myocardialinfarction 14:06, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
edit LucienDUGard the dogface!
It IS correct that I like to be cuddled, yes... But I also need to be housebroken here at uncyclopedia (or at least that's what they tell me) sooooo was kind of hoping you woud find the time in your busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys busy buys BUSY day to keep me of the rug and not beside the tub...
Or wait.... Im not a dog... SO I CAN be in a tub. Oh anyways: just pretty please hold my close and cuddle me when am good and spank me if am bad... VERY bad... Oh mummy! Sorry, it's a problem im working on...
--LucienDuGard 01:43, October 16, 2009 (UTC)
pretty please I need to be adopted....
edit The Missing Issue
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
The End is Nigh... Once Again Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints' quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes' neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase's Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week's games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase's Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league's bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar's Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings:
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With my best regards. ;)
16:06, 23 October 2009edit UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA
October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448
Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six's storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid In a look ahead to next week's games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar's Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase's Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings:
IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something. |
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edit Hi
I was here. :3 --Andorin Kato 11:02, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- How fantastically informative, gramps. :) -- DameViktoria 11:14, 28 Oct
- He's lying! Pup 12:16, 28/10/2009
- I was not here. I have never heard of any of you. Furthermore, I have never heard of myself either. --UU - natter 12:25, Oct 28
- And UU's just senile. But we still love you, Uncle UU. :) -- DameViktoria 12:27, 28 Oct
- I was not here. I have never heard of any of you. Furthermore, I have never heard of myself either. --UU - natter 12:25, Oct 28
- He's lying! Pup 12:16, 28/10/2009
edit Oh wow, someone needs an extra big hug, right?
Luvvy, first of all, I come bearing hugs and chocolate - please accept both in the friendly manner they're intended. Now, can we calm down just a leetle bit, please? I can appreciate you feel a little crushed by that review when obviously you've been putting in some work on a few mainspace contributions. I know how you feel about the feedback - I got told on VFH the other day that something I'm quite proud of is a "crusty wank sock", which is less than I'd hoped for.
Thing is, though, comedy is all about opinion - you put an article up for review, you get an opinion. If that opinion comes back less than you hoped for, try getting a different opinion. Maybe make it clear you're waiting for a specific reviewer (I was planning to get to it this evening after you left that request on my talk page, and I'll happily give you a second opinion (a very quick one is that it's a good idea, I quite like it, and you're heading in the right direction - I like the captions in particular).
But please don't go getting all dramatic about this - just take a few deep breaths, then stick a pillow against the wall and punch the hell out of it for a minute or so, and then - and this is the crucial bit - leave the article alone for a day or two. Do some more to that tea thing you were doing - I want to see that finished! When you come back to it, you may feel a little less involved about it, and it may help all round.
I'm hoping you'll calm down shortly, so I'll leave it here for now - I hope this will get resolved in short order, and all the good people involved here (and whatever you feel right now, I count both you and Chief in that bracket) can get on with doing good things again. How's that sound? --UU - natter 19:04, Oct 30
- What's so bad about my punctuation, then? I'm better at English than the average Native English speaker and it's my third language. I even finally figured out a way to make my subconscious differentiate between it's and its so I can spell it correctly.
- Whatever I try, it seems to get smashed to bits. Had I written it with a sockpuppet, it'd probably have gotten a better review, since as a "more established" user, I can't obviously afford mistakes. A human being died on my watch today, I'm not in a shape to take bashing from a faceless idiot online. I really, really want to hurt him, not my fist by punching a wall. :(
- There was not an ounce of constructive critique in that review. And the only way to ever manage to get anything featured is via pee review, usually. Isn't it? I can't even try anymore without being afraid of being pushed back down, hit in the face and kicked down the stairs. My self-confidence can't take crap like that.
- I have one of the highest ratings in academic writing at my university, which I'll emphasise, is goddamn hard to get into. I'm in the top 10 of the top 2% of all 2k applicants. But that isn't worth crap when I'm trying to write something in order to relax, apparently. I should just refrain from editing anything in main space, since everyone knows Luvvy as the friendly cuddly talk page troll, not as a good writer. So why even bother?! -- DameViktoria 19:14, 30 Oct
- Hey, I've always thought you were a good writer - that is, you're clearly intelligent, and you have a good sense of humour, and you make good observations. I've been waiting to see you put that all together into an article. The thing you have to remember is that sometimes you have to have a thick skin about this writing lark (easier said than done, I know), but honestly, remember that not everyone is going to like your article - when you put an article up for review, unless you ask someone personally, and they get right to it (sorry - hella busy day), you are opening yourself up to anyone's opinion. I've seen people write off articles on pee review that went on to get featured with barely any changes because the reviewer totally missed the point. Hell, I nommed an article for VFD that I failed to see any funny in at all, and it was featured about 5 days later, with no changes!
- As for the punctuation - no idea, haven't had a close look yet, so I'll let you know. I wouldn't sweat it too much though - most native speakers of this fair language can't punctuate worth a damn!
- So please, take a few steps back here. Maybe take a break for a day or two. I'll give you a second opinion later this weekend (I'm running out of time right now - got to get Mrs UU's dinner on). I'm not gonna delete your stuff, and I hope you'll reconsider and take it all back off QVFD - this wiki will always be better with a Luvvy in it. Got to dash, please think about what I'm saying - hugs! --UU - natter 19:28, Oct 30
edit Retiring?
No more Luvvy? You'll be missed, dearly.
18:40, 31 October 2009I hope it's not because of something I did, unless it's about that time I ran over your cat. That was pretty awesome. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:53, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
That would make you <insert name here> feel very, very bad about it. You don't want that, now do you. Thank you for being so considerate. |


text:
DIY Network
DIY Network | |
Launched | January 1, 1999 |
Owned by | Scripps Networks Interactive |
Picture format | 1080i (HDTV) 480i (SDTV) |
Slogan | The Home Improvement How-To Network |
Headquarters | Knoxville, Tennessee, United States |
Sister channel(s) | Cooking Channel Food Network Great American Country HGTV Travel Channel |
Website | diynetwork.com |
Satellite | |
DirecTV | 230 (HD/SD) 1230 (On Demand) |
Dish Network | 111 (HD/SD) |
Cable | |
Verizon FiOS | 667 (HD) 167 (SD) |
Available on most cable systems | Check Local Listings for channels |
AT&T U-Verse | 1454 (HD) 454 (SD) |
Streaming media | |
Sling TV | Internet Protocol television |
DIY Network is a channel owned by Scripps Networks Interactive that focuses on do it yourself projects at home.
Television stations air local versions with local hosts with segments produced by the network. Branded DIY Network programming is also broadcast in Japan and the Philippines. The cable network reaches 50 million households in the US.[1]
As of February 2015, DIY Network is available to approximately 60,942,000 pay television households (52.4% of households with television) in the United States.[2]
The shows carried over the network cover the gamut of various activities which are capable of being performed by amateurs at home. The current programming focuses on:
- home repair (Bath Crashers, My First Renovation, Blog Cabin, Kitchen Crashers, Sweat Equity, Renovation Realities)
- home improvement (The Vanilla Ice Project, BATHtastic, Mega Dens, Man Caves, Cool Tools)
- gardening and landscaping (Yard Crashers)
- destruction and contracting (Million Dollar Contractor, Sledgehammer)
Programming that focused on other activities and hobbies have ceased. These include:
- Auto repairs, ranging from simple repairs such as adding stereo speakers, all the way to engine rebuilding.
- Jewelry making
- Motorcycle and motorbike repairs and upgrades
- Plumbing repairs including installation of major appliances such as garbage disposals, dishwashers and refrigerators having in-door ice and water
- Quilting and quilt repairs
- Recreational vehicle usage and maintenance
- Scrapbooking
- Video production including taping and editing one's home videos.
- Knitting
- Woodworking
- Boating
The network also carries reruns of the series This Old House, originally a PBS series about families who had their homes remodeled or rehabilitated, and as recently as late-2009, some older HGTV archive programming, including the Carol Duvall Show.
DIY was the second network to be launched by Scripps, following the success of HGTV. In fact, for the first two years the programming consisted of mixed and mashed clips of old HGTV programs while new content was developed. The network offered a large amount of broadband content (originally project worksheets and instruction pages for printout by users, later video clips and more) to create demand for and help cable operators launch their nascent broadband services. The broadband portal was first DIYnet.com, and has since been changed to DIYnetwork.com
DIY says they target a more male audience than HGTV (which is more female), although both channels have offerings which appeal to both.
The channel announced it would launch in high definition on May 1, 2010 on "two prominent distributors", and it would add 200 new original programs by year end.[3] One of the "prominent distributors" turned out to be Dish Network, which launched DIY HD on May 12, 2010.[4] DirecTV added DIY HD on September 19, 2012.
AT&T U-verse Carriage Dispute[edit]
AT&T U-verse dropped Food Network, Cooking Channel, HGTV, DIY Network and Great American Country on November 5, 2010 due to a carriage dispute.[5] But on November 7, 2010, the carriage dispute was resolved.[6][7]
See also[edit]
- ^ If I Had a Hammer, I Wouldn't Watch TV New York Times July 20, 2008
- ^ Seidman, Robert (February 22, 2015). "List of how many homes each cable network is in as of February 2015". TV by the Numbers. Zap2it. Retrieved March 14, 2015.
- ^ 2010 Cable Upfronts: DIY Goes HD In May - Scripps Network Service To Unveil 17 New Series In 2010, Multichannel News, April 20, 2010
- ^ DISH Network Boosts Industry-Leading HD Lineup With Six New Channels
- ^ AT&T's U-verse Drops Food Network, HGTV and Other Scripps Networks, Chicago Tribune, November 5, 2010
- ^ Food Network, HGTV, Back on U-verse, Chicago Tribune, November 7, 2010
- ^ AT&T U-verse, Scripps Reconnect on Carriage Contract, MultiChannel News, November 7, 2010

subset: commoncrawl