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Friday, October 01, 2010 at 3:24 PM
Signet wedding ring
Wouldn't a signet ring make a romantic wedding ring? If you take your husband's last name, it would show off your lovely new initials!
Actually, I'm curious: Will you (or did you) take your husband's last name? I kept my name, and only a handful of my friends have changed theirs. What will you do? Do you like the sound of your name with his last name?
294 comments:
1 – 200 of 294 Newer› Newest»- chelsey meyer said...
I took Ryan's last name, even though i'm not crazy about the sound, but i kept mine as a "stage name" kind of thing for acting, writing, etc. I just want to have the same name as my future kids, in my opinion it's just what you do.
- spazzieabbie said...
I'm taking his last name, I guess it's because I'm old fashioned; and I really like the sound of Abbie Hudson :)
- Joanna Goddard said...
chelsey, my friend clare also uses both names (her original name for work, and her husband's name for family stuff), so she has funny personalized stationery that says "clare levy or clare clark" :)
- Jennifer said...
I took my husband's last name. I like it because it's slightly unusual (I've actually never met anyone else with the last name Hannigan) but not to the point where no one can pronounce it. Funnily enough, my initials didn't change because my old last name started with an H, too.
- Joanna Goddard said...
abbie hudson is so beautiful! it sounds like out of a jane austen novel. xoxo
- rachel thurston said...
I kept mine but now that we have a baby on the way we really want to share a family name...We both think we should share the same last name as our children.
What is Toby's last name? Did you hyphenate? How did you decide? - 3:27 PM
- Stephanie said...
i took my husband's name but dropped my middle name and kept my maiden as my middle. does that make sense? it definitely took awhile to get used to...
if i were famous like you though, i'd have kept my name! =) - 3:28 PM
- Mari H. said...
I took my husband's last name and used the opportunity to change my first as well, which I've wanted to do for a long while. And you know what? It just feels like me.
I see no problem with going either way -- taking his name, keeping your own, or building a new one of your own choosing entirely. What matters is what makes *you* happy. xo. - 3:28 PM
- beeofdesign said...
This is such a sweet, romantic ring. So personal. I would love it. I like the idea of taking my future husbands last name but I am kind of attached to mine at this point.
Rebecca - 3:29 PM
- Sarah said...
I love the signet ring idea! Actually, my maternal grandfather had a signet ring for a wedding ring.
One day, when I am hopefully married to my sweet boyfriend, I will take his name. I like the sound of my name with his, plus he's taken better care of me than my father ever did (I say this without bitterness) and if I'm going to have man's last name, I'd like it to be my husband's. :) - 3:29 PM
- Jill said...
Beautiful & simple. I took my husbands name from the start, I want to share the same name as my child(ren) and I thought it was easier just to get it all done right away. I am more traditional that way and I love having a name carry through on a generational chart. I have several friends who kept their own name for business purposes but legally took their husbands name. That way they can have a secret alias. :)
- Allie said...
I took my husbands. My maiden name was incredibly difficult to pronounce but I also love being associated with him via my last name.
PS Love the signet ring! - 3:29 PM
- a little white mouse said...
I think this is absolutely romantic! It would be such a timeless piece as well. If not as a wedding ring, maybe as a gift from one's betrothed on their special day...
- Nikki said...
I took my husband's name, but also use my maiden name for business.
those rings are really special.
Nikki - 3:30 PM
- wonderchris said...
My last name was so hard for me to say with my first name - so I was beyond happy to get a new one...for many reasons!! :D
- Shannon said...
If I ever get married I will take his name for sure.
Reason #1 being that I haaaate my last name. - 3:32 PM
- Hollie said...
I plan on changing my middle name (or adding on, really) to my maiden name, and taking my fiance's name!
- jenniejen said...
- This comment has been removed by the author.
- MEGAN said...
I kept my last name; and am the only one of my friends to keep their name, AND I get hassled about it incessantly :)
I find this really hard to decide! And I live in Germany, where some other rules to it than in the US an far as I know. I like my name and would like to keep it, but I would like to have one name as a family as well.
I like the spanish "name taking rules": husband and wife keep their names and the kids get one part of their last name from their mother, the one is from the father. - 3:33 PM
- Diana said...
i took my husbands very weird last name, and i still feel weird about it because it's very jewish and i'm asian. now every time he sees an article with an asian woman with an obviously non-asian last name, he'll send me the link with the comment of "she doesn't look like a rubenstein/levinson/etc/etc!!" i took his name mainly because i think that marriage is about the joining of families, and i feel so welcomed and such a part of his family (even extendeds) that it made sense to me.
currently for professional networking, i use both last names, but eventually i will drop my maiden name. i just don't want people to be confused at first! - 3:34 PM
- stephanie said...
i took my husbands name but added my maiden name to my middle name (so i have 2 middle names). i wanted to keep my maiden name in there somewhere, but still wanted to share his name.
he was very open & left the decision up to me about what to do with my name.
i was married once before (to a very dishonest man, which i didn't find out until after the wedding) & he was hell bent on me taking his name. i felt very uncomfortable & hesitant about it. - 3:34 PM
- lookitsbrooke said...
Didn't change my name because I have always enjoyed my name and couldn't image having a different one. I will say that now, as a mama of two girls, i have mixed feelings about being the only one in our family with a different name. If i had to do it again, i would keep my name and hypernate the babes. :) actually, as a side/related note, i'm planning to surprise my guy with a wedding ring for his upcoming Big Birthday. you should totally feature some sweet mens wedding bands on cup of jo! i'm having a hard time finding one. i'm thinking gold band and would love some recommendations!! xoxo
- christinamm said...
I did take his last name, although the wedding was only 2 months ago, so I'm still transitioning into it. It definitely takes some getting used to knowing yourself by another name, but I think taking his last name is very romantic and boys seem to love it ;)
- Melissa Blake said...
Funny you should mention this. I always thought I'd change my last name, but ever since my father died, I'm not so sure. It's almost like i wouldn't want to part with it.
does that make sense? - 3:37 PM
- jenniejen said...
I tookmy husband's last name when we got married this past May. As our wedding present he gave me these beautiful stacked rings with his initials and my NEW initials engraved on them. Such an amazing gift! Just and FYI, he got them here http://www.etsy.com/listing/56562903/tiny-signet-ring-personalized
- Melissa said...
In our personal life, I took my husband's last name.
At work, I use his hyphenated with mine as if I just went by his name - no one would know who I was. - 3:37 PM
- RAENOVATE said...
Tyler's last name is Grace, how can I not take it?
- Katie said...
i do love my ring but wow, i think this is so romantic. what a beautiful ring. something mr. darcy would give! *swoon*
- carina said...
I don't know. I can understand that if you have children, you want the entire family to have the same name, but I find it difficult to think about changing my name. Not that I'm famous or have an unusual last name. On the contrary - I have the second most common last name in Denmark:-D But it's mine, and I don't have any brothers to take the name further.
Why can't my future husband not take MINE - in the name of equality?
Love the ring. - 3:39 PM
- ameliawalton.com said...
I always thought that I would keep my (very German, kind of obnoxious to spell, always pronounced incorrectly) maiden name because it was mine and certainly set me apart. BUT...I grew up in a sort of Brady Bunch circumstance where I only have the same last name as one of my siblings despite being the youngest of five, and there was something so alluring about our budding not-yet-created family sharing the same name. A clean slate for a new family. My husband very kindly offered to take my maiden name as his middle, and we briefly (possibly drunkenly) toyed with the idea of coming up with a totally new name that really would be unique to our family. His father would have fallen over dead on the spot if we even mentioned such a thing, and in the end, quaint tradition won over. I do miss my name sometimes though, even if she is tucked in there in the middle, and think that should I ever publish/produce/create it will be with my maiden name in the mix.
- StephanieC-W said...
I kept mine and took his. So now it's a hyphenated last name (Cullen-Wilson). I've always loved my last name so I wanted to keep it, but I also wanted to have his name as well.
- Acacia said...
I wouldn't want to keep my name for multiple reasons. First off, if I ever had kids I wouldn't want them to deal with the whole hyphenated thing; neither would I. Plus, my last name is long and complicated and no one can pronounce it, so I'm actually waiting for the day when I can change! Fingers crossed for everything to go well with my current boyfriend, his last name is Barnes. Can't get a lot simpler than that.
- mary straton said...
i took my husbands last name because in the South, that's just what you do... BUT, my maiden name is Greek, and looking back on it, I wish I'd kept it to honor my heritage!
- Kate, Actually said...
I always knew I would keep my last name. That was until I sat in my fiance's grandmother's century old farm and she told me about her heritage and family with such pride. She won me over in heartbeat, and I'm excited to be part of that history!
- Brandilyn said...
i took his name...i loved that it symbolized the two of us becoming one! although it did change my initials, which used to be BMW (awesome). i considered (and still do consider) changing my middle name to my maiden name, because my middle name isn't significant but my maiden name has lots of meaning to me :)
- Katie said...
Beautiful ring! And I took my hubby's last name ~ just seemed right to me. I love that we share one last name, and someday our children will too.
- Jessica said...
I took my husband's last name. I looked forward to having a more average name, after 26 years with a somewhat unusual one. But I did move my maiden name to my middle name because I felt it made some legal things easier; still having a tie to that name seemed like a good idea. And it gives people endless pleasure when they discover my legal name is Jessica Gruver Hoover, since it rhymes.
- BakerGirl said...
I kept mine... Not that anyone in his family acknowledges that but whatever. I love my birth name and my married name just doesn't sound very good.
- Deanna (Silly Goose Farm) said...
My last name is Fox, my husband's is Goldschmidt. I kept my name. But, I don't mind being called Dr. and Mrs. Goldschmidt when we go out.
My kids have Goldschmidt for their last name. I always thought that if my kids wanted me to change my name, I would. I get the feeling most of their friend's will just call me "so-and-so's Mom," more than Mrs. Goldschmidt or Ms. Fox, anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter. - 3:46 PM
- Mariel Torres said...
I am definitely keeping my last name. It is something women in my family have done for generations :).
- Rachael said...
Love the ring!
I probably would have if I were to get married in the U.S. but here in Argentina (where I plan to marry) nobody changes their last name so I think I´ll be keeping mine.
www.rachaeldiab.blogspot.com - 3:51 PM
- Meredith said...
I happily took my husband's last name (Hornberger), especially since my maiden name is Smith. I did keep my middle name though because I love it so much (Kae). But I'll always be a Smith at heart.
Plus, I look forward to my daughter having the same last name as her parents!
P.S. Toby is adorable! - 3:51 PM
- teale said...
i have a hyphenated last name (both my parent's last names & my mom kept her last name when they got married) and it has been such a pain! i can't wait to get married and change it to one simple last name!
- Audrey said...
I kept my maiden name. It's more interesting, sounds better and, honestly, that's just who I am. There was never any question that I would keep it. My nickname has always been "Double A" and my husband's last name starts with "F". It wouldn't have worked out. And I am not a very traditional person. My daughter is four and she's very understanding why I have my own name. My husband is progressive and extremely supportive of me keeping my name. Lucky me!
Still Double A - 3:52 PM
- Kate said...
I'm too old fashioned to keep the name that I loved so dearly! I had a very wonderful Irish last name and J has a very Sicilian last name. But honestly, I am proud to carry on his family name and can't wait to have kids pass it on as well. I considered putting my maiden name as my middle name, but I just couldn't as it would have been a horrendous sounding name!
*kate - 3:52 PM
My question to those of you who took your husband's last name, saying you feel it important that you share a name with your children: Was there any discussion of your husband changing his last name to yours?
I kept my last name and I think you should take/keep whatever name you want as long as it's what makes you happy. And I certainly understand the feeling that you want to share the same last name as your kids and your husband, and it's is something I thought a lot about in making my decision. And I still think about it.
However, I've noticed that it tends to only go one way-the wife changing her name. The looks of horror and immediate negative reactions from even the most feminist of guys at the notion of changing their last name to that of their wife's, in my experience, is interesting. - 3:54 PM
- ameliawalton.com said...
One more quick comment, because I love this story...
My friend J. Hulland married a G. Holland. In the end she did change her name, but only by one letter. :) - 3:54 PM
- esdelope said...
On a totally separate note, this totally reminds me of the scene in Father of the Bride II where the family discusses Annie and Brian merging the babies last name. I'm curious- - would anyone ever do that?
Becca - 3:55 PM
- Ashley said...
My mom didn't take my dad's name, so I was lucky enough to use both hers and my father's. So, I decided to just tack on my husband's last name. I'm now the girl with THREE LAST NAMES! YAY!
- hip hip gin gin said...
I kept my name. For many reasons I won't bore everyone with, but one of those reasons is that my initials are MVP and I wouldn't part with them! I just feel like it is good luck to be an MVP every day, perhaps some day I'll actually be one ;)
- Maureen said...
Oh this is one of my favorite topics to discuss :) I am getting married in a few months and am changing my name. Just because, I want to and I like it. My mom didn't change hers, and as a result, my siblings and I all have four names. A first and middle name, her name, and a last name (my dad's last name). I think I will drop both of their names, even though my mom's name is technically a middle name and not hyphenated. It seems weird to just keep one. And I can't add on, I'm not a law firm!
I am a photographer by my current maiden name and plan on keeping my business name the same.
My friends have really gone both ways... most have changed, but a few have not. My best friend didn't, but just had a baby a few months ago and at eight months pregnant decided she wanted to have the same name as her baby. She had been married three years :) - 3:58 PM
- Darling Kelsey said...
I never liked my maiden name because it represented my father and I never had a lot of respect for him. I actually used my first and middle name and never my last. People I had known for years didn't even know my last name and some genuinely thought it was Elizabeth. Now I am more than happy to be Mrs. Page.
- holtkamp said...
i took my husband's name because i love how it sounds. my maiden name was only 3 letters and i like my married name because it's long
- Katherine Summers said...
Like Ashley's, my Mom didn't change her last name, so hers is my middle name and my dad's is my last name. I actually go by all three, even professionally. I have zero intention of changing my name if/when I get married--my name is my name, and who *I* am doesn't change just because I'm married.
No idea what to do for kids, though. My parents chose not to go the hyphenated route (for which I'm grateful) because those names tend to end up pretty clunky (I went to college with a Piper-Goldberg, Oliker-Friedland, and camp with two Messing-Schaeffers). But giving a kid three last names also seems like a bit much, and I wouldn't pass on one parent's name and not the other's. So we'll see. - 4:03 PM
- Carol said...
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- Camilla Leila said...
well. we're getting married next december. and first of all i LOVE this wedding ring idea.
i dunno about the name thing. i can barely pronounce his last name. and in my dad's culture the woman always keeps her maiden name. I kind of feel bad ditching my family name u know?
maybe 2 last names?
Camilla Leila Salem Dugonjic would be my full name. Try saying that 5 times fast! - 4:04 PM
- Natalie Jo said...
I always planned on taking Jacob's name, but just procrastinated taking care of the paperwork. Then one day I had someone tell me that she wasn't changing her name because it would be easier when they got divorced. The next day I marched to the Social Security office and changed my name. I was definitely not planning on getting a divorce. And for whatever reason, that really hit me like a ton of bricks.
- Carol said...
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- Maureen said...
Additionally, (sorry for two posts!) I also am marrying into a different ethnicity last name... I'm Irish and Italian and I have an Americanized version of an Italian last name (changed at Ellis Island), and my fiance is a Fernandez. I don't look any sort of Hispanic, but I am actually really excited to have this new name.
To answer your question karen, no we never considered going to my last name but I also am not that proud of my maiden name because, like I said, it's totally Americanized and bears little resemblance to my family that lives in Italy. Does that make sense? We never ever talked about doing it the other way, but I suppose if I had an awesome name, and he had a bad name that neither of us liked, or if his name came from his dad who was a bad guy or something, I suppose it could have come up. But we love his name, his family and his heritage. - 4:06 PM
- stephanie said...
I would have dropped my maiden name completely (even though I love it) when I got married, but my husband's sister's name is also Stephanie so we didn't want any confusion. I wound up with a funny sounding hyphenated name. But I only use it for legal stuff. I go by his last name otherwise.
And I love the idea of a signet ring. I was thinking about getting tattoos of both my last names, but a ring might but as well. - 4:07 PM
- Carol said...
I am from Toronto and I am getting married in NYC between Oct. 19-23 sometime (at City Hall). I am taking my husband's name, which I did the first time in 1986. We divorced in 2003 and now are getting re-married. So I've already had the same last name for 24 years. I like his name better than mine - it's easier to say and rolls nicely with my first name. I love this blog for the great NYC tips I get here!
- wonderousclusterf#@k said...
I always thought I would take my future husband's last name...but now I'm not so sure! I've grown very attached to my last name, it's German and I love it! And my boyfriend's last name is very Vietnamese. I'm afraid people will see Tran and think, "what's that pasty white girl doing with the last name Tran?!?" I'm thinking about hyphenating it. Then I would be Jessica Ebert-Tran...would that be too weird?
- Lesley said...
Love the ring! I gave my husband a sygnet ring when we got engaged. Some years later he lost it in a kayaking accident but that's another story!
- alexa said...
It's becoming more and more common for women to keep their own surnames these days. I am getting married soon and really want to take my boyfriends name but it doesn't feel right to just drop my name that I have used for my entire life. It is who I am. It's a tough one! Double-barrelled would be a good solution but that would make my name rather long :).
Love the signet ring. So simple! - 4:08 PM
- Jessca said...
I just got engaged three weeks ago and already I'm thinking this over. My current last name is Smith, which is oh so original. So part of me wants to change to a more interesting last name, but then part of me wants to keep the name Smith--a name that took me 28 years to actually like!
- Chiara said...
Since I grew up in Italy and it is customary there, I just grew up thinking all the ladies just changes their last name when they get married....
I was really surprised that in Peru (where it is still a very macho society), the women don't change names!
Love the ring!
www.joiedevivre-chiara.blogspot.com - 4:10 PM
- Kaira Klueber said...
Interesting question and topic of much debate lately! I really want to keep my name professionally, as I'm an actor, but it's SUPER important to my fiance to take his family name. So my compromise... make my current last name my middle name, still using it for acting, but legally change my name. Ta da! A happy compromise.
- jessica quadra said...
i added his to mine. now i'm jessica quadra andrews. it doesn't flow all that great, but i couldn't let go of my name. it's still weird when i see it or hear it. i guess that's normal. i did keep just my maiden name for my business though.
have a great weekend! - 4:13 PM
- Lulu said...
I kept my maiden and took my husbands name. My initials are now MKHT, I couldn't give up mine and I really wanted his, so I made it work for me :)
Happy weekend! - 4:14 PM
- Sugar said...
Such a great ring. My name was long and hard to spell and pronounce, so I took his name. Now my name is short but I did keep my initials, which I love.
- Frau Onk said...
This is a quite difficult question for me. I was raised up by my mom who always told me "please keep your name, it´s so beautiful and we all have girls!!". When she married my dad she kept her name which was very unusual in the 70s (my dad has both names, so he was very modern). I really love my last name and a lot of people tell me that they like it. Unfortunately my last name does not fit to my boyfriends first name and his ones fits perfectly well with mine. In Germany we also have the opportunity have a double-name, but his and mine is too long so this is not an opportunity we have. I did not tell him so far (in case we are getting married...I hope so!!!!!) but I think I will take his name which feels good with me, though. <3
I have friends who both kept their names and one of them always has trouble because of their kids ("is this really your child????").
I really love your blog - cheers from Frankfurt, Sonja - 4:16 PM
- Victoria said...
I very happilly took my Huzz's surname. I didn't even consider keeping my own.
My mother's family has a lovely tradition that I will certainly carry on when I have a family. It's a little confusing, but works perfectly. We are given two middle names when we are born, one for the name alone and the second is our mother's maiden name.
When I got married, I removed my mom's maiden name, inserted my own last name as a second middle name and happily took my husband's name. I was glad to keep my name and have my husband's name too. I was a little sad to loose my mom's family name, but feel very lucky that I had it for so long to begin with, since many don't have our mother's family name for even a short while. - 4:19 PM
- Meghan said...
I kept mine professionally and legally, and occasionally use his socially. I need that stationary that says "Meghan Z or Meghan D". We also talk of changing to mylast hislast and dumping middle names.
- Amy said...
I am keeping mine - it has a nice symmetry with my first name and it's easy to spell and pronounce - Amy Fox is almost always the shortest name on any list. Plus it took me about twenty years to like it and now that I do it seems silly to get rid of it. My fiance's name is difficult to spell and pronounce and I was trying to convince him to switch to my name instead, but he would have none of that. I like that women these days feel like they have choices for what to do - the responses show so many options - but I HATE that it is almost always assumed that a man will keep his name (or perhaps hyphenate).
- Annie said...
I keep joking with my fiance about his taking my last name, but in reality I can't wait to become Annie Walker. To me taking his name symbolizes starting our family together. However, if I ever get published I'd rethink keeping my somewhat unique last name as my pen name.
- Rachel said...
I kept my last name, because I was planning a trip and didn't want to change my passport (so I told myself, I don't think I was ready to change my name when I first got married). 2 years passed and I decided I would change my name on our 3rd anniversary and tie a ribbon around the paperwork, but then I had to apply for a spanish visa and had no time to change my passport. Maybe for the 5th anniversary? My husband's last name, Eastin is much better than Slough, like the dreary town (so i'm told) south of London.
- Angela said...
I'm so glad you asked this question!!!
My husband is not happy (but he's going along with) me not taking his name professionally.
I do not have ties to my last name, but we were in our late-30's when we married and it would have been a real problem professionally.
I am sometimes Angela Broderick, sometimes Mrs. Angela Bedell, and sometimes Angela Broderick Bedell, which is a mouthful.
Sigh. - 4:34 PM
- Jill said...
Funny you'd bring this up as I recently documented my attempt to change my name to his after seven years of marriage. (It was the whole wanting to match our baby's thing.) I say attempt because the procedure to do so (after one has been married over two years) is all but impossible. Seriously.
Anyway. Toby's adorable. He's just younger than my Lola Dee. It was fun to be pregnant with you! (Yikes, that sounds weird...) - 4:34 PM
- Kelsey said...
I just got hitched on Sunday (!!) and I'm keeping my (already) hyphenated last name. His is Hanson, which just seems a bit too simple after having such a long name my whole life. People joked that I should have a double hyphenation, but it doesn't quite sound right. Maybe I'm being too stubborn, but my name just feels like my name! How could I change that? Also, my mom kept her name (hence the hyphen) so I'm sticking with her on this one. :)
- Ashleigh said...
I changed it to his long Russian last name, no questions, even he was surprised! For me it was meaningful and romantic. To each her own, you have to 'feel' it :) Happy Weekend!
- Gina said...
I kind of took my husband's...well, not officially. I assume when I need a new license and passport, I will make it official. Why waste my time doing that stuff unless I need to?
- Camille said...
When my parents got married in the 70's, my mother legally took my father's name. About ten years later, as the law and custom changed, she was offered to change it back and did it with my father's support as he agreed she should keep her family's name and everything that goes with it. I admire that gesture and I believe that if I ever get married, I will keep my father's name. That also includes the slight modification he made to it (an accent) in order to francicize his name as it is the language he chose to live in (he comes from a french-english family).
- Kristi said...
i took michael's last name. we agreed to be one, right? i would also really hate it if the teachers at school called me by a different last name then my babies.
- green gable said...
I've always always wanted to change my name. There was no question about it. My maiden name was soo long and hard to spell, and now I have a beautiful last name. I don't feel like I loose anything of myself by doing it, and it makes me feel closer to my husband and his wonderful family.
- Olivia said...
I did take my husband's last name, I wanted to feel like a family. His is simple so it works with everything- Carter. I wanted our kids to have the same last name as the both of us. I do want to use my maiden name for our son or daughters name! ALso- I think it was easy for me because I was 22 when we got married so really only people I met in school will now know my maiden name!
I recently got married, for the first(and last!) time, at age 40.
My plans were to change my middle name to my maiden name, and then take my husband's last name. But once we were married I changed my mind. I can't really pinpoint why I did not change it.
We are not having kids, so I don't need to change it for the kid's sake...
It is something I am struggling with. I am curious to read the rest of the comments... - 4:51 PM
- Hillary said...
My friends and I were just talking about this last nigh.
I will keep my last name when I marry my boyfriend. It's partly a feminist thing, partly that I am over 30 and have had my name professionally and socially for so long. My boyfriend has practically no relationship with anyone with his last name and I'm very close with my family. We even joked about him taking my name (but I doubt we'll do that).
I'd name my kids his last name, probably, for genealogy and simplicity's sake.
Both names are 2-syllable German names, so they are very similar - that's not really an issue. - 4:52 PM
- Gina said...
Before we were married, my husband and I tried to combine our last name to make a new one. From: "Hoang" and "Moore", we narrowed it down to "Mango" or "Omega" (personally my favorite, so I could name any future kids Alpha and Beta). Needless to say, our families weren't too thrilled, his even threatened to take us out of the will. Eventually, I took my husband's last name, though it was a tough decision for me. I'm the youngest of five girls and wanted to make sure my family's name was going to be passed on. But I still wanted to share my last name with my husband. So, I just made my maiden name "Hoang" into a second middle name. So far, it's worked out, and everyone is happy we didn't go with "Mango."
- DO or DIE WEDDING said...
Well me and my husband were married a month ago...and we both changed our names to a hyphenated last name. my maiden name first and then his last name. I could not imagine losing my last name all together and since it is about the joining of two families this should be reflected in both our names.
We have talked a little about what we do for kids...I am not in love with the hyphenated last name for kids but we will more than likely give them our last names.
My husband was very excited about this, he loves the idea of now creating our own family name on the building blocks of our original last names. - 5:02 PM
- Notes from Holly St. said...
such a pretty ring...I kept my last name but go by my husbands name for social or family things. It can get a little confusing but it works.
- isabug said...
I got married last April and am still debating this. I like old fashioned traditions and always assumed I would take my husband's last name, but it's been over a year now and I'm still Isabelle Selby. I have changed it on my email and facebook, which confuses people but I haven't taken the next jump yet to officially change. Maybe when we have kids I'll become Isabelle Linaburg, but who knows? My husband actually prefers my name as-is.
- Jess said...
I couldn't bare to part with my last name - it's Love (and his is smith) - maybe i could persuade him to go greek and take my name!
- Ana Louisa said...
Love this ring. It's probably in a tie with St. Kilda's "Loved" ring as my favorite wedding band right now. I love signets as pinkie rings also.
As for name changing, I've always thought I would move my maiden name to my middle name, but I can't imagine parting with my middle name (Louisa) which I feel goes so perfectly with Ana. What's a girl to do? Keep all four? That will be a happy problem to have someday, hopefully.
Thanks for sharing & have a lovely weekend...A - 5:09 PM
- A Sunday Kind Of Love said...
my mum hyphenated her last name because she felt she was already making a career with her name, so she used the hyphenate at work and her married name elsewhere. however, it's always been a problem because she has a very common first name (for catholics) and my dad has one of THE most popular last names. so nobody believes her when she just says her married name :)
i think i might take my husband's last name if i like it- mine is so unbelievably common, and growing up to me there was never a question of taking it. but at the same time, now that i'm older and i have seriously thought about it, i couldn't imagine giving it up!
(and i hope to make a career with my name too!) - 5:10 PM
- A Sunday Kind Of Love said...
p.s. @Jess- I think you should! Love is the best last name ever!!!
- TolerateThis said...
I got married a month ago and kept my last name- I always wanted to keep it. Lots of people assumed I would change my name, and didn't really understand why I didn't. My boss even asked me if I was marrying a lesbian!
I'm really glad I kept my name though; I love being married but it doesn't mean I need to change my identity.
I think in the end people should just do what works best for them :) - 5:15 PM
- Audrey said...
am honestly surprised by how many name changers there are in your readership! so many traditionalists! i am a name keeper. married later, established professionally, couldn't handle the identity crisis nor the mountain of paperwork! use the family last name socially (ie don't bother to correct anyone), maiden name legally and professionally. also in many asian cultures we keep our family name.
- Mo Pie, Please said...
I'm head over heels in love with my husband but also his last name. It's Badger and there's nothing cuter than getting to be a part of the Badger family. I couldn't resist, plus his sister asked me to and while I do love my maiden name (Pierce) I just thought it was the right thing to do.
- annette said...
I took his last name. I love the tradition of taking the man's name as you start your life together.
I am surprised there are not more people saying that the man changed his name too. I did not thin me and my husband were so strange... we are both the "Hunter-Fentons."
- ag. said...
Like chelsey (and your friend clare!), i've taken his name for all things personal but will use my name for my art work, creative projects, etc. It really meant a lot to him for me to take his name and while I like my name and I'm really proud of it, I was happy to take his. However, I'm in the process of changing all my documents and it sure is a lot of work! I do think it is such a personal thing though so it kinda weirds me out when other people have such strong opinions about what others should be doing...to each their own!
I will be getting a tiny tattoo of my maiden name because it will always be a part of me no matter what name I go by. - 5:25 PM
- Abbey said...
I changed my name. Partially so we'd all have the same name and partially because I like the sense of transition. It probably helped that I was fresh out of college so no professional identity to re-create. In fact, no one in law school or my later jobs even ever knew I had had another name, which was a little weird, but most of them never changed theirs
- Alison said...
I'm not sure what I would do. My boyfriend has a VERY common last name (Miller). And I have a VERY uncommon last name (Twite). I have no connection to my last name (It's my dad's stepdad's name. While I loved my grandfather dearly, the rest of his family always made sure that my dad knew that he wasn't really one of them and was a charity case.). I've considered hyphenating my step-grandfather and biological grandfather's names (McQuarter-Twite). But it would quite possibly kill my grandmother. But the biological grandfather's family would weep with joy and love and I'd feel more comfortable. Quite the predicament.
Whatever I decide to do, my boyfriend said he'll be okay with it. And I'm really leaning toward McQuarter-Twite, but you can't really change your name without telling your grandmother, can you? For kids, I think I'll give them my name(s) as a middle name and then Miller as the last name. I don't ever want my future children to feel like they don't belong to their last name. - 5:27 PM
- kelly said...
this is a constant question for me. i love my name -- it's been my name for 28 years, it's who i am. plus, it's my father's name and there are only girls in our generation (my sisters & our cousins) so if some of us don't keep it it's gone forever. but i do understand completely wanting to have the same name as your children. i never really toyed with the idea of using one name personally and another in business until just reading it here -- this seems so workable! i'll definitely consider that.
both my mother and grandmother dropped their middle names and took their maiden name instead. can't say i ever liked that. - 5:28 PM
- Alison Pearldiver said...
HI Joanna, Interesting topic. I eventually took my husbands last name. It definitely was an emotional process that took a little over a year fro the time we were married. M. left it entirely up to me and even suggested taking my last name or creating a hybrid/combo name. I really liked his last name and felt strongly that I did not want him to change his name and I also felt strongly that my name was part of my identity.
After a year though I did not feel that my name honestly represented who I had become and it was at that point that I acquired M's last name. I now have two middle names, by legally changing my maiden to be a middle name and took my husbands last name as my own. By having done that I am at peace knowing that I did not give up any part of my name or who I am. - 5:31 PM
- jane said...
I got married just under a month ago and am keeping my name. My middle name is my mom's maiden name and I like having the surname of both my maternal and paternal families in my identity. I could have been persauded to change it, but, my husband and I share a last initial (W) and our names are close enough that our mailboxes were next to each other in college... so sometimes I feel like I do have his last name:)
- Elsa May said...
ooh i love the signet ring! I have one that my great-grandmother wore - such a lovely idea.
Hmmm the great name debate - I kept mine as it felt like it was part of me and who I was (much to my MIA's horror), and when we had the boys we gave them R's surname and names from my family tree as middle names. As much as I love the tradition idea of taking one's husband's name, I'm really pleased I kept mine... - 5:34 PM
- amber, theambershow said...
After two years of being hitched, I separated from my family and dropped their name, too. I gave my self a brand new middle name ("Marlow"), and smacked the last name of my husband on the end.
We both adore being "the Blatts". - 5:34 PM
- Sophie Laughton-Mutu said...
- This comment has been removed by the author.
- amber, theambershow said...
BTW, I had a rule: I will NEVER give birth to someone and not have them immediately have the same last name as me. I just won't. I couldn't. No way, no how.
Now I'm dreaming of more, smaller Blatts :) - 5:37 PM
- Sophie Laughton-Mutu said...
Oh! And funny story... two good friends of mine met when they were at a party together, and the first thing the guy said to her was "We could never get married, because then you'll be Bex Beck"
And now, 9 years later they are marred with a baby and we call her Bex Beck haha - 5:40 PM
- Alicia said...
I never liked my maiden name, always having to spell it, or repeating myself whenever I said it.
I would have married any boy with a better name. :) Luckily the perfect guy had a great name... - 5:41 PM
- Ana - Toil and Trouble said...
I kept mine, and will be hyphenating our names when we have to name kids.
- KATIE said...
I changed mine and it has been such a hassle after our divorce. 3 years later I'm still using my pasport with the old married name. I love my old name sooo much more the second time around I don't know if I can part with it again if I remarry. I will though, unless it sounds too much like my first name. I don't want a name that sounds like poem.
I'll keep my last name, as I think it sounds nice with my first AND middle names-- Sarah Cecilia Rattaseri, versus Sarah Cecilia Leinberger. I think my name sounds musical... Leinberger sounds... gruff?
- Shel + Stone said...
I took my husband's last name, and I love it! It is a special thing to share, and I am a pretty traditional girl from Texas so it kind of comes with the territory :)
- Shelb and Ry said...
I always planned to take my husband's last name. I always wanted to marry someone with the last initial "s" so my name could be shelby s....? A weird thing happened once I was actually married. I started to realize how much I truly LOVE my maiden name. So I kept it as another middle name. Now I have four names that all mean a lot to me. 14 months of being married, and Shelby S is starting to have a sweeter ring to it. I feel so close to my husband by sharing his name.. I don't know why but I do love it.
--Shelby - 6:01 PM
- Ahn said...
i think it just depends on what last name you are getting. i mean, i took on johnson, so that wasn't bad. i also think it might be a little less confusing for the kids if mom and dad have the same name...but who knows.
- { Nina Designs } said...
I wish I could take my husband's last name, but unfortunately you can't do it in Spain :( Mine is so hard to pronounce!
- Siubhan said...
I'm pleased to see that there is some variety in people's opinions on this! I won't change my name when I marry, I just don't approve of the inherent historical significance of it I don't think. I'm the only person I know who feels this way though, so it's pleasing to read that only a handful of your friends changed theirs!
That aside, the rings are a pretty idea. - 6:07 PM
Beautiful ring! We're marrying next weekend so too late for that, but I'll have to find ways to drop hints to the gent for an anniversary...
I'm taking his last name. I've got an odd Irish last name and he's got an odd German last name, both confusing to pronounce and spell outloud. Oh well! He actually hesitated when I proudly said I wanted his name - I think because he associates me with my last name and it was weird for him. He joked about combining out names but I wanted to be able to rightly honor at least one side of the family.
What sealed the deal was my older brother getting married in the summer and seeing his wife take his (our) name. In a way, I felt like I was passing on the name to her (I even reviewed with her how to spell it outloud, "F as in frank...)
Sure I've spent 28 years with this name, but I hope to have at least 50 with the new one! - 6:08 PM
- dawn said...
i took my hubby's last name. my maiden name became my "second middle name", so my full name is quite a mouthful.
- liso. said...
i love reading everyone's thoughts!
i grew up always thinking i would change it, no question. then i got married, and i just couldn't. it just felt like too much.... losing too much of me in the process of coming together as one with this other person.
husband was patient, and finally, at four years, i changed it. and cried in the parking lot of the SS office before doing it! i love him dearly, but felt like i was losing my family somehow...
now i (finally) have a middle name (my maiden name), have kept my signature the same, and absolutely love my new name.... and somehow it works! - 6:15 PM
- Emily said...
If I'm ever lucky enough to get married I think - though loving the tradition - I'd like to keep my name.
Partly because my full name is long & it just flows right and I can't imagine any other name would fit as nicely! It's also what I use professionally as a jeweller. And I'm one of three sisters. No brothers. And I really hate the idea that our family name would just disappear. I've become rather attached to Boyd :)
My only issue comes with children. I don't like the idea of not having the same name as any kids I have, but then I don't like the idea of them having a hyphenate & being different from both parents either.
In the end, I won't know until I meet someone & decide to get married. Maybe I'll decide I want to change. Or maybe he will decide to become a Boyd. I don't know...we'll see :) - 6:15 PM
- Christy said...
I knew I would change my name, but had a panic attack walking to the SS office. My husband was fine either way. I dropped my middle name and replaced it with my maiden name: Frost and took my husbands Persian and hyphenated name. Ghazi-moradi. Although we usually ditch the hypen causes its irritating, and lots og gov. Computer systems can't handle the hypen fyi.
- Bec Hem said...
I took my husbands name . A big deal, yes. But my mum took my dad's name, and my grandmother, great-grandmother, etc. I don't want to stop that tradition.
- Martha said...
I use both my maiden name and my husband's last name. But, if I hadn't gotten into a fight with my dad shortly after I got married, I wouldn't have changed mine. :-)
- Laurel said...
I will be getting married next July and I will most definitely be taking his name. It is a little scary because I have a huge family that is very close and when someone says "The Denison's " people know who you are. My fiance is not close to his dad's side of the family. ( Although his mother make up for it because she is about the best mother-in-law I could ever hope for.) Dispite the fact that he is not close with that side of the family, Justin is EXTREMELY proud of his last name . I have actually never met his dad's side of the family and likely never will. We decided a wedding was not the place to do something like that either. With that said Justin and I will be the only "Hammonds" at our wedding. I think that is very exciting and liberating. He is just thrilled that I will be Mrs. Laurel Hammond and his excitement has fueled mine! I don't think many people can say that they are the Only people at their own wedding with a particular last name!
- Erin B. said...
I took my husband's name out of tradition, but it took me almost a year to stop stumbling over my new last name and to naturally sign my new last name without forcing myself... I finally see myself as my "Erin B" but it's taken a few years!!
- rebecca said...
Rebecca Anderson to Rebecca Hammond was not a difficult transition. They have pretty similar rings to them. And I enjoy the idea of sharing one family name. I love my family and I will always cherish being a part of the Anderson clan, but I was also excited to set down my own roots with my husband and create an identity for ourselves and our children.
Since you kept your last name, did you hyphenate your son's name? - 6:50 PM
- Caroline - Red Glasses said...
I'm not married but when we do get married I'd like to take his last name (I'd become Caroline Saad instead of Caroline Pelletier)... I like the sound of it better (even though it sounds like "sad") and I want to have the same last name as our children! Even though writing it out just now - Caroline Saad - was really weird!!
It seems really uncommon in Quebec to get married- couples just live together common law. And when people do get married, women tend to keep their last name. It's apparently a hassle to change your name when you get married here... Compared to other provinces in Canada. I guess I'll discover this someday. Love this discussion!
Caroline - 6:53 PM
- Charly said...
I was once married to a New Yorker. I did take his last name, but that marriage only lasted 4 years, and after that I took my dad's last name again... After six years, I met a wonderful man, the best I have ever been with, and we got married a littler over a year ago, however wonderful, I did not take his last name. I think love has nothing to do with ownership, and honestly, to me, taking one's husband's last name makes me feel like I am his property, so for the sake of my happiness and sanity, I decided to keep mine. It is very personal, and perhaps I have deep issues, but for now keeping my name makes our marriage much more of a paradise than a cage for me...!
- copywaitress said...
I took my brand new husband name but I also kept mine - so I've got two last names right now... I did it only because he wanted it very much - I never fought that I will change my name with I have been living over 30 years:) xoxo
- Clare Lennon said...
I plan on taking my husband's last name. I've always liked the family unity of one name. If I marry my boyfriend, which I plan to, my name will be Clare Baird! I think I'd like to name one of my sons Lennon, which is my dad's last name.
- ashley mikell said...
I took my husband's last name. We were married during the middle of a school year and I teach. It was so funny, the kids called me both names for a while and I thought it was sweet. Some wanted to just hang on to their old teacher I guess.
- DANA said...
It actually seems rather strange to me to change my name like that... nope! not changing it!
- Hello Lindello said...
My husband and I combined our names into one.
He was Linder. I was Brunello.
Linder + Brunello = Lindello
Now we're the Lindello's! - 7:32 PM
- the obsessive imagist said...
So I am not married (perhaps that makes me unqualified to comment on this?), but I have found "the one". Funny thing is that him name is literally "Mr. Wright". Perfect, no?
My parents divorced when I was really little and I have no ties to biological father but, for various complicated reasons, I never legally changed my name to match my stepfathers (also a cool name: Learned). Needless to say, when the wedding bells do chime I will be changing my name to 'Wright'. Katharine Wright has a nice ring, don't you think? - 7:34 PM
I kept my name. I personally get annoyed when people say that they took their husband's name in order to have the same last name as their children. Not that you shouldn't be able to do that, but why is that the ONLY solution in most people's minds?? I will either hyphenate my kid's name or possibly just give them my last name. I'm the one giving birth, right? It seems only fair ;)
And I say tradition smition. It used to be used to be tradition to do a lot of things...not kiss until engaged, not live together, not marry someone of a different race or social class. Times change!
xo Diane - 7:35 PM
- Style Bite said...
I took my husband's last name, but only because I've always wanted an Italian last name. And the rule was, if my future husband's name was cooler than mine I'd take it!
One more comment :)
I just want to second all of the awesome points that Karen brought up in her comment. When my husband asked me if I was going to take his name, I just turned to him and send "Sure. If you take my last name!" And he was like "Oh, wow. Good point." He had said that really opened his eyes to how women are just expected to do that, but no one ever expects a man to change his name or questions his loyalty or love of the person he is with for keeping his name. And yes, I have gotten several rude comments from people about how I must not love my husband since I kept my last name.
And P.S. I love him dearly :)
Diane - 7:43 PM
- Kate said...
For those of you who changed for personal and kept your maiden for professional, can you explain to me how that works legally? Is your maiden name still in your legal name with social security? If it's not, how do you legally sign documents and what not for work? What about ID? I didn't change mine, but I'd thought about this combination and just didn't know how it would work legally.
It was never an issue for me...I LOVE my name and the connection to my families history that it gives me...I always chafed at the idea that it was expected of me to take his name. We are having a baby in 6 months and I would not hesitate to give them his name but I still feel strongly about keeping mine, though perhaps that will change over time. Interesting to me that so many friends and family members ignore that I kept my name and just refer to me as my husbands...every time I see it somewhere I think "but that's NOT my name!"...not worth all the correcting though. I do sometimes say that to his mom however...she sometimes forgets that its not all about HIS family...
- Luli said...
If I ever marry, I am keeping my last name. It's mine! It belongs to me! I love my name and my life's experiences. {However, I would make an exception and change my entire name if I married into royalty...hahaha}
- Concierge said...
Hi Ladies,
There was a comment by Karen that asked if it ever goes the other way and yes it does. Two friends in the UK did it. However, for a man to change his name after marriage he has to do it through depol and it can be more difficult.
One friend took is wife's name as she only had sisters and his family was full of men, so he wanted to be able to carry on his wife's family name for another generation. (they are now separated and I'm not sure if he's gone back (although I don't think he liked his very Irish surname).
Another friend has hyphenated his with hers. Because again she has only sisters, and he is the only male from his family (son both names are carried on. His family weren't/aren't very happy about it though, but there are other factors involved about the relationship. - 8:01 PM
- dot said...
I kept my name. My husband tells me it's because "I don't love him." Really it's because I'm a writer and his last name is Williams. Plus my name is awesomely alliterative, and I just can't give that up!
When we have kids, I'll probably let them take his name so they don't get picked on in school. (My name is long and German). Then I'll just tell them, "Mommy has a different last name because she's a smart-ass feminist." They'll get it.
Probably. - 8:03 PM
- Kate said...
Changed it. His is easier to pronounce, vaguely entertaining, and sounds great with my first name. I did keep my maiden name, though - it's my middle name now :-)
- Melinda Josie said...
I'm still on the fence as to whether I'll change my name or not. I've started a career with my given name, and to change it may confuse people a little bit. I like the sound of my possible-future-name, but I love the last name Josie, and would be sad to see it go.
- tfh. said...
Actually, we BOTH took each other's names. I took his (Hastings) and he took mine (Fujiki). We are officially "The Fujiki-Hastings". Woot! - 8:10 PM
- anna and the ring said...
I literally wrote about this yesterday as it is at the fore front of my mind.
It really is a minefield!
If you'd like to take a look?
http://annaandtheringlondon.blogspot.com/2010/09/say-my-name-say-my-name.html - 8:11 PM
- BlumeBloom said...
In the process of taking my husbands last name. I love his last name 'Lentini' and considering that I am so white with very red hair and will now have a very Italian last name, I just love it!
And our daughters name will actually be taken from my side of the family, so I think it is a beautiful joining of our families. - 8:13 PM
- Ellen said...
I couldn't imagine NOT keeping my name!!!! And all of my close pals have kept theirs. Interestingly, one rung out in my friend circle, lots of folks changed theirs.
My Mom didn't change her name in 1973 and trust me it was no problem to have a Mom and Dad with 2 different names. Everyone figures out super quickly who's who!! - 8:16 PM
- Mina said...
I took my husband's last name and kept mine as a middle name. I was inspired by Miss Hillary Rodham Clinton.
- Nancy E. J. said...
Oh, what a beautiful idea and ring. I took my husbands name because I'm traditional, but I kept my maiden name as my middle name. I didn't have one. Also, being Latina and having a name like Nancy Johnson just didn't feel like me. I kept the Escobar as a sign of my heritage.
- Sarah said...
I'm getting married in two weeks (!!) and my fiance I are both keeping our own names as well as taking the other's- we're both going to go hyphenated. I feel very attached to my name, and he feels the same with his, but we want to share the same name as our future children. I love that every couple does what suits them, and for us it feels more like a shared experience because we'll both be taking on a 'new' name variation.
- Susie said...
Even though I've been married for 21 years now, I've thought the idea of a signet ring for a wedding ring is so romantic!
- Jennifer said...
This is such a beautiful idea -- LOVE it! I took my husband's last name when we were married last September. This kind of ring would make a fantastic anniversary present... hint, hint hubby!
- Jill said...
In response to what Kate said:
"For those of you who changed for personal and kept your maiden for professional, can you explain to me how that works legally? Is your maiden name still in your legal name with social security? If it's not, how do you legally sign documents and what not for work? What about ID? I didn't change mine, but I'd thought about this combination and just didn't know how it would work legally."
My family belongs to a conservative religion and tradition is upheld without question. So, I knew it was a pointless effort to attempt to have people call me by maiden name. Almost everyone thinks that I have changed my name within our larger circle of family/friends. Some family members know that I haven't changed it legally, but all call me Mrs. Wessman. BUT, at work I am Mme Lacey (I'm a French teacher) and coworkers just call me Jillian anyway. For any signature on a legal document, I sign Jillian Lacey but on things that don't matter, like signing letters, I sign Jillian Lacey Wessman to make the hubby happy. I've found it to be a good deal, none of the hassle of changing everything (I even have a brand new passport that I don't wanna have to change) and I get to keep my identity. - 9:01 PM
- fleur_delicious said...
I actually wanted to take my husband's last name; I love him to bits and I liked the bond that it signified. Then, a month before we married, some Czech archivists managed to find me online - and I think my very rare last name has something to do with it. Alas, I am going into academia and publishing, and having a unique name can be helpful that way.
love the signet idea! I actually went with one of kate szabone's rings and suggested we create a stack of them in the years to come, as it wasn't a huge investment to start =) - 9:01 PM
- Susie said...
P.S. I took my husband's name as I am traditional. I also liked the idea of us both sharing the same name as we began a new family. :)
- Jill said...
Thank you for all of you who posted this! Now I can share this with my Hubby and assure him that I'm NOT crazy for keeping my name! :D
- TheSensesFive said...
My last name is Hooker, so needless to say, I've been waiting a LONG time to rid of it... and now that the time is approaching I'm not so sure anymore. Although Natalie Adams is kinda cute, you should hear it said by someone with a thick MI accent. Damn those hard A's.
I'm glad to see that a few people have mentioned the option of the man taking the woman's name. When my son married 2 years ago, he decided to take his wife's name. Our last name was spelled and pronounced incorrectly by everyone. They really did not want the hassles of having hyphenated names. They also wanted to have the same last name for all members of their family and my DIL has a beautiful last name (she is from Ecuador). There are many traditions when it comes to marriage and if we researched how many of those traditions came about, it isn't very positive. Much of it goes back to when women were considered to be property or 2nd class citizens. I am proud of my Son for having the courage to make this decision - he has had to endure a lot of criticism. He adores his wife and child and is a wonderful husband and father. That is infinitely more important than a name. I think it boils down to the fact that this is a personal decision and everyone needs to decide what is best for them. If you chose something out of the norm, it is not wrong...just different.
- PoetessWug said...
Took his last name...and wrote a poem about the changing of names when you marry!! ^_^
- spark said...
I took my husband's name. I had a very happy upbringing and him not so much. It meant a lot to him that I changed my name and thus we began our own family history, it was very significant to him. It was my wedding gift to him. My dad (the original feminist) was horrified but being a softie understood why I was doing it for my husband. It was done with lots of love and I have never regretted it.
- LINDSAY said...
I kept my last name and it drives my husband bonkers. We have never been traditional in any other way, so I'm surprised he cares. The thought of all the paperwork needed to change it...ugh.
- Megan said...
I couldn't wait to take my husbands name! I only wish I could have taken sooner! And I believe it is another form of "becoming one" with your husband.
After much internal debate I took my husband's name. I had several reasons for wanting to keep my maiden name. I had just finished law school and didn't want to lose the connections I had made with my classmates. My husband also has the same last name as a popular movie family and the jokes people make are annoying. I felt it was sexist that only women were expected to change their names.
In the end though there were two things that swayed me to take my husband's name. First, even though I felt like the name was mine, it was in fact my father's and we are estranged. It felt wrong to me to choose a name given by a person who had dropped out of my life at an early age over the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with. Second, I wanted to have the same name as future children if there were any. My mother remarried and I always despised having a different last name from her.
In the end, I dropped my middle name that I had a love/hate relationship with and took my maiden name as my new middle name. I used my full name for about a year or so and then at some point I just kind of stopped using my full name on everything. Now I pretty much only use it on legal documents. We celebrate our 10th anniversary next month and now it's my name and feels just as much a part of me as my maiden name ever did. - 10:54 PM
- Chelsea and Nathan said...
I took my husbands name for many reasons. I am old fashion and I loved the idea of being Mrs. Fields. And Fields is easier to pronounce than my maiden name.
My boyfriend's parents are divorced, and I love both of them equally, so it would seem not right to take his last name (which is his father's) out of respect (though I doubt his mom would care). I love my last name as it shows my German heritage and it is how I've come to identify myself all my life
- abby said...
I'm getting married next year and i plan on hyphenating. I was going to just keep my name but my fiance really wanted me to take his. So i decided hyphenating would be a compromise. Our kids will just take his name though, my last name may serve as a middle name that they all share.
- KarenKayArtWorks said...
I took his name but I don't wear a ring.
- Blue Is Bleu said...
Ooh love the ring!
I ended up taking my husband's name after a lot of deliberation. It took a bit of getting used to (when you've had your name for 30 years, it tends to stick!) but I quite like how my name sounds with his name now. - 12:03 AM
- Emily said...
I am getting married TOMORROW (one last check of the internets before bed) and I am not changing my name. My mother didn't change her last name, and so it never seemed like something I had to do. And I love my last name; it's very French. :)
Alright. Beauty sleep. - 12:15 AM
- amyinbc said...
Kept mine added his.
- mrosep said...
i took my husbands name. (we just got married in July!!) its what all the other women in my family have done. and i loved the idea of being Mrs. Peacock like in the game Clue! but we actually had a discussion about it before we got married, and he was surprised by my choice because i was and still am a very strong and independent type of woman.
- Morgan said...
I just took my husband's name a few months ago and completely threw mine out! Partly because it was one of the most common last names around. And I love the way Morgan Donovan sounds :)
- marika said...
I clicked on the comments expecting to see a split down the middle of keeping / changing last names. How interesting that the general consensus seems very slanted in favor of name-changing.
My mother kept her maiden name and I was given my father's last name.
I would never take my boyfriend's last name (mine [Emerson] is SO much better - I'm a descendant of Emerson the writer and I love that this relationship is implied in my name.)
I don't think we'd worry too much about having "a family name" if children came along... I didn't have the same name as my mother growing up and it never affected our relationship or my bond to her. - 1:38 AM
- Jess said...
I kept mine - it was never even a question, and my husband is quite happy with that!
If we had kids I'd probably be happy for them to have his name for ease, I don't like double-barrelled names, my own full last name is already 3 words! :D
Though we have a joke that we'd combine the two names to make a new one ;D
I do admit I get a giggle when older folk write to us and address us both by his name! - 2:51 AM
Obsessed with this ring after seeing it in Lucky Mag! It's going to be my first-paycheck splurge.. after I get a job, of course.
- mrs. t said...
I did take my husband's last name -- there was never a moment that i thought i wouldnt. To be quite honest, i didnt even think about. It was normal to me -- my mom took my dad's 22 years ago today, and that's how I was raised. I guess I'm a little old-fashioned, and that's okay withe me :)
I added my last name to my middle and then took his last (like Jane (middle-Ann Doe) Smith). I like it. No hyphens, matching last names for kids, but I still have the family history attached to my name.
- *sarah berry design* said...
I won't, I use my maiden name for my business and my boyfriends last name is Chew, which I'm not crazy about, (but I am crazy about him)!! Plus, neither of us our very traditional and he's not bothered about these things.
I kept my last name. I got married at 34 and I felt like everyone knew me workwise and socially by my original name. My children have my husband's surname and mine as a middle name.
- miss.c said...
i took my husbands name. i felt it was part of being his wife - showing that i am proud to wear his name - even though his cousin warned me that i might get asked if i speak english in job interviews (he is chinese and i am european-new zealander) but i see the use of your old surname being your 'stage name'
My husband and I both changed our names- we hyphenated both our surnames because I didn't want to give up my maiden name but we wanted to have a shared family name. It's long, but it works for us.
- Hailey said...
I was hesitant to change my name, and kind of regret it. I prefer my maiden name to my husband's last name, and I very much dislike my father in law - I don't like that my name associates me with him. When I introduce myself to peopel in our shared communities, they take the cue from my married name and talk about how they know my father in law, instead of asking after my own parents. I hate having a different name to my parents and siblings. BUT, when push came to shove, I knew that when we had children I would want all of us to have the same name. I wish I had added my maiden name as a second middle name, and will probably make that change.
- Gracie said...
I like my name but I wouldn't change it on point of principle anyway, I think it is nice for children to share the same name as their parents but I have yet to meet or hear of a man who took his wife's name. Actually I'm gonna google that now!
- vicky (eat live spin) said...
I kept my last name... I have no siblings and my last name ends with ME! So yes I kept it!
It's interesting to see how different cultures work. In Argentina, my country, women used to add their husband's last name using "de" (meaning "of") after their maiden name. It seems like you're his property, very macho-ist! Anyways,since the 70's or so, women are using just their maiden name. Divorce and women's independence are the main factors I think. Besides, many women are adding their last name to their children, as they gave birth to them (harder work than putting a spermatozoid, right?).
One more thing, we would never think of doing a lot of paperwork for changing names, putting your maiden's as middle, and all that stuff. But, like I said, it's just how different cultures work. Bon week-end! - 9:20 AM
- Melissa Jade said...
I took his without hesitation. I like the feeling of being on the same team. He would have happily taken my last name but we both preferred his and I had a brother to carry on our family name anyhow. I'm a teacher with lots of students who resent their hyphenated names. I'll ask if i should put both names on their materials or one name. 90% of the time they say they hate having two. Sad =(
- Lisli said...
I kept mine. After my mother-in-law heard my plans, she took me out to dinner and, halfway through a large glass of wine, started talking about how good their family was, how great of a husband and provider her son would be . . . on and on. I am stubborn, though, and my husband is totally on board with my decision. I'm just really attached to my name and heritage, and kids are a long way off so I'm not worried about their names yet.
Some people are confused when we introduce ourselves, but I'm sure as more women choose to keep their name, for whatever reason, people will start to see it as a just as good of a decision as changing your name. For now, though, it's a little difficult, but I'm still very glad I did it! - 10:18 AM
- Margaux said...
I'm taking my fiance's name when we get married for three reasons. One - it's part of the deal. Enough said. Two - there are enough Lee's out there and changing my last name would make it one less Lee in the world. And lastly - because there's something about taking his name that makes it feel more like "forever"... There's something old world romantic about it just like saying the same vows as many have done before us. It's like joining this elite group of people... sound stupid?
- Nenette AM said...
I added my husband's name to the end of mine, didn't hyphenate though. My maiden name is now one of my middle names. It's a Filipino tradition thing. :)
- Tree said...
I always wanted to have BOTH my husband and I change our names together. We got married in Feb, and for right now I have kept my last name and he has his because I don't know what I want to do with it yet, and I want my hubs to be with me on this family journey. I keep asking myself these questions:
-Why does a "Family Name" have to be only his?
-Why can't my children have both, instead of assuming they will only have his?
-Why should I be incorrectly assumed to have taken his name and be called Mrs. HisLastName, but he is never called Mr. HerLastName?
-If I add his name to mine, as a hyphen or whatnot, why wouldn't he want to add mine to his? We add to each other's lives, shouldn't the names be a representation of that?
I just feel like there's a lot of inequality with the name thing, and I'm exercising my right to think about it. It's a really sensitive issue for us, because we have a lot of angry family members upset with me that I didn't just take his name and drop mine. :( I'm not against it, but I really want a compromise. Oh, and I'm an adult, and have to right to make decisions that I feel are best for me/my family. *le sigh* - 10:50 AM
- Jen said...
I just got married at the end of May and took my husbands last name. My new name is Jennifer Jones. Really, I just traded one Welsh last name for another ha (formerly Evans).
I like the alliteration of my new name. - 11:05 AM
- Bridget said...
i made my maiden name my middle name. my sisters and i (4 of us) have all done that. i couldn't part with it completely!!
- Tae said...
my husband and i both hyphenated our names. so now we both have mylastname-hislastname. it was fun going to get our names changed together and having to do the paperwork together. and our kids and us will all share the same last name, too!