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3848 posts tagged with food.
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Looking for great dinner salad recipes
Give me your crunchy, your cool, your refreshing flavors yearning to breathe free. Favorite dinner salad recipes and ideas, please? [more inside]
What cooking chemistry should I know?
What are basic pieces of kitchen science that would be helpful for me to know? I'm most interested in baking but cooking is okay too. Things like the effect of salt or liquid on a recipe or whether I want my bread dough to rise in a dry or humid area and why would be really great. I'm okay at following recipes but I'd absolutely love to know why different ingredients and combinations have different effects and how I can use that to my advantage. [more inside]
morel issue
What can I do with common and grey morels?
Too hot for real cake
Your favorite icebox cakes / put everything in a baking dish and let it sit in the refrigerator and get really delicious-type cakes? Let me have them so I don't have to turn my oven on this summer. [more inside]
Another Queens/NYC bar/restaurant question
I need a bar or restaurant for a small group on Sunday. One of our group however, is my puppy. Another requirement is that it is near the N train, or a quick transfer from the N train on this Sunday (are they still randomly shutting down the 7 train over the weekend?). Beyond that, it's not too picky. I know about the Bohemian Beer Garden, but I am not sure that they allow pets. Sidewalk cafes, anything outdoors should be great.
Suggestions for unusual, exciting condiments
I enjoy foods that have a great deal of flavor. But I'm getting tired of the standard condiments you're likely to find in North America (like ketchup, mustard, Sriracha, Tabasco, salsa, or mango pickle). What are some new condiments for me to try? [more inside]
Healthy Eating for the Anti-Foodie
I need some recommendations on how to eat healthy for the people that genuinely do not like to or have any interest in cooking. I work a lot and I have no interest spending the free time that I do have cooking. I eat out almost every meal and the meals that I do eat at home are usually microwave meals. When you eat out a lot, it can be difficult to find quick healthy options. I am trying to lose a few lbs and probably could stand to eat a little healthier. I am hoping to get some recommendations on how to eat healthy without the usual 'just cook it, it only takes X minutes' or 'its really easy' comments. Not only am I cooking-adverse, the grocery store may be one of my least favorite places. Has anyone tried one of those companies that gives you a weeks worth of food at a time (do you have to cook the food?)? If it is helpful, I am a single guy in my early-thirties living in Georgia. Any thoughts or recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
International travel and frozen food
I'm about to depart to a foreign country with high priced, low quality, not kid friendly food. It is common for expats to bring meat with them and I want to do this too, with AskMe's help. [more inside]
What are some delicious, easy-to-prepare savoury breakfast foods?
I have about 15-20 minutes to eat breakfast every morning, and when I walk into the kitchen I often have no idea what to eat. This is because I'm really sensitive to sugary things in the morning and the thought of eating cereal / toast with jam or pb or honey / pancakes / crumpets / pikelets / muffins / whatever makes me queasy. So I really crave savoury things! But I don't know many savoury breakfast foods, and often I don't have enough time to make them e.g. bacon and eggs. And there are only so many times a week I can eat toast without wanting to cease existing. If you have any great recipes for savoury breakfast foods that can be prepared and eaten quickly, or that can be prepared the night before and then be thrown together quickly, I'd love to hear them! Bonus points for hot foods. Caveat: I don't like eggs just by themselves. [more inside]
What to do with a mountain of somewhat questionable potatoes?
I just bought a 10-pound bag of potatoes for super cheap. Yay! On closer inspection, a whole bunch of them are about to go really bad. boo. Please give me your best recipes for quickly turning a whole lot of potatoes into something tasty! [more inside]
Help me plan camp food for a big, tipsy, crowd.
I'm organizing an event in early July and I need help figuring out the easiest way to provide five meals to 70 to 90 people at a campground. Our location is booked- it's a great campground with showers and bathrooms and a pavilion and a fire pit. Our planning is moving along nicely, but but as with previous years, food is the challenge. Details follow: [more inside]
Food Recipes w/parameters
I have 6 free hours. Give me your most labour intensive yet ultimately compelling/yummy recipes. [caveat: I have access to all ingredients] [more inside]
Spreads on breads!
A friend of mine is hosting a party. The theme is Spreads on breads. Friends, I am so excited, and so is my stomach. Please share with me your most delicious spread recipes, and the breads they taste the best on. [more inside]
Leftovers again?
I have a large roasting pan full of BBQ pork left over from a party. What tasty things can I do with it? [more inside]
Where can I find lunch meat called chicken roll?
Where can I find lunch meat called chicken roll? [more inside]
Help me navigate the wonderful world of (the former Soviet) Georgian cooking
After stumbling across the blog Georgian Recipes (and specifically this recipe for Acharuli - Ajarian Khachapuri) I realized I've got a lot of eating to catch up on. If you know about Georgian food, please give me your tips, tricks, substitutions for hard to find ingredients, ingredients that should never be substituted, links to your favorite Georgian recipes, and basically everything you think I should know about it. [more inside]
How did the star-rating system for spiciness get started?
At almost any Thai restaurant in the U.S., many dishes can be ordered with a specification of how spicy the dish should be. Usually, this is on a scale of four or five stars (with possibly an extra "Thai hot") at the top. I'm curious as to how this tradition got started and why it's primarily associated with Thai food. (And I guess as a side question, whether this phenomenon extends to Thai restaurants outside of the U.S.) I've tried to do some searching myself, but either the info is hard to find, or I haven't found the right search query to separate the wheat from the chaff. [more inside]
Scotches and Noshes
I need help brainstorming finger foods that pair well with Scotch whiskys! More details inside. [more inside]
Where to eat in Boston this weekend?
We love to be surprised by cheap and delicious food, or awesome specials that only locals know about. No dietary restrictions. [more inside]
Recipes for a Bake Sale
I'm organizing a bake sale that will take place in a record store; we'll be selling baked goods while a couple different bands perform. It's a benefit for an all-ages nonprofit performance space, so the crowd is going to be more "denim vests and cheap beer" than "PTA fundraiser cake walk." I'd like suggestions for recipes that don't require me to buy an ingredient that I'm only going to use a small portion of, are fairly simple to make, and easy to make into sturdy single servings that don't require plates or forks. Bonus questions: vegan suggestions, jello shots, and savory items. [more inside]
Renting time in a commercial kitchen, issues, gotchas, etc.
I'd like to explore leasing time in a "co-op" or shared commercial kitchen to start a small food business, making seasonal preserves and similar items in Washington State. Are there recommended blogs or books that discuss this from the business and planning ends, as far as what to look for, and well as how to deal with legal issues with bringing equipment and ingredients to and from such a facility (like fresh fruit, sugar, etc.). Do people store ingredients off-site, that sort of thing. (I'm mainly looking for non-state-official guides and written materials that deal with this subject from the producer end, just to focus questions away from the business itself or to Google search results to WA guidelines. Thanks!)
New York City Travel Question
Will be traveling to NY this summer for work for a week. Need to spend days on upper east side (5th and 104th). Nights I am free. Like to be able to walk to restaurants, windows browsing, perhaps some jazz. Any advice on what neighborhoods to look for hotels? I realize with the transit options perhaps this question doesn't make much sense, but I would rather not spend a lot of time or money in transit. And if you wouldn't mind suggesting some favorite gems of neighborhood restaurants, places that might be worth the trouble to get to?
What to do and see between central Pennsylvania and New Orleans
I'm taking my two daughters to see my family and we're driving, from central Pennsylvania to New Orleans. Here's the basic route. Where should we eat? What should we detour to see? It'll be a two or three day drive. Help us plan it.
What does it mean when Megan Draper makes spaghetti?
When did spaghetti bolognese (or with meatballs) become the classic Anglo-American middle class dinner in the US? [more inside]
Help me plan a fun girls night in - food questions
I am having some friends over to my house for chill night of catching up and watching movies. I very rarely socialize in my home, so I am somewhat clueless about hosting people. There will be four of us, and one person is breastfeeding so no alcohol for her. I am thinking about daiquiris since they are delicious and can easily be made with no alcohol. But I am stumped for food. [more inside]
Recipe help: thai egg roll dipping sauce
So I have googled, I promise. But I'm not sure I'm finding the right recipes. I want to make a dipping sauce like the stuff that almost every Thai place around here (Portland area) serves with their fried egg rolls / spring rolls / veggie rolls. [more inside]
A sugarless feast
Give me your favourite diabetic-friendly recipes that would be suitable for my mum - someone who doesn't tend to like/can't get hold of exotic ingredients. [more inside]
Small food things that are appreciated.
So I'm trying to up my game a bit in dating my wife. Nothing crazy, as we are home-bound a lot with kids, but I have something specific in mind regarding something that she likes. We are trying to carve out some time together during the week just to chill and enjoy movies together. What I'd like to do is have something special every week that I would make for us in terms of food, beyond chips and popcorn, etc. I'd like this to require some planning and effort, but without a crazy amount of prep time, as we have limited time in the evenings. Are there some fun, snacky (i.e, not a meal) things that are not super low maintenance, but not high maintenance, either, that would impress my wife (just a little bit)?
Food in Barcelona
We are visiting Barcelona, Spain for a week, and are having trouble finding decent restaurants that aren't geared towards tourists in the Eixample area. I figure that y'all might know where we can eat. [more inside]
Gluten free gift for friend in Australia (when I'm not)
I'm in the US, a friend in Australia is going through a really rough time after surgery... I'd like to get her something nice delivered. I was thinking a food hamper would be nice. The catch is that she can't have gluten or lactose. Does anyone know a site where I could order a gluten free gift/meal service/fruit basket? I'm open to other non-food ideas too.
Novelty Chocolate Recipes
Flavor my chocolates, please? Bonus points for uncommon. [more inside]
Looking for some food/water storage containers (Cheaper than a Nalgene)
I'm looking for containers to store food in the bilge (under the floor) part of my boat. Something like a Nalgene. But they are too expensive. [more inside]
Places to eat during motorcycle trip along the Blue Ridge Parkway
A group of us are going to do a motorcycle trip from Guelph, Ontario, Canada to Asheville, NC. I'm hoping I could get some good restaurant stops along the way (vegetation options welcomed!). [more inside]
Appetite for destruction?
Talking about this with others I discovered that I'm not the only one who throws up, and then hours later, the first real meal you want to eat (after nibbling on saltines or something), is something spicy, greasy or fatty. Is there some science-based explanation for this phenomenon? [more inside]
This is My Design
One of my bestest friends ever has completed several years of an insane schedule of schooling + two jobs to earn a Masters and is now moving on to a residency far far away. My wife and I had our schedule open up, and we're now hosting a last minute dinner on Tuesday. Help me plan the most over-the-top meal possible in less than 48 hours. [more inside]
Favorite meals for a large group with a variety of dietary restrictions?
15 of us are planning our annual weekend trip in a few weeks. I'm responsible for menu planning. We have a variety of different dietary restrictions, and I'm looking for ideas for great meals that can feed these people. [more inside]
Help me dress my quinoa salad
I made a greek-inspired quinoa salad with red quinoa, chickpeas, cucumbers, tomatoes, red pepper, parsley, and red onion. Help me give it a dressing or a sauce! [more inside]
Eating vegetarian in Copenhagen
Me and my friends are visiting Copenhagen in mid-May and I'm having a hard time finding vegetarian restaurants. Help us eat dinner! [more inside]
The doritos stalk at midnight...
FoodFilter: My boyfriend likes junk food. The exception being sushi. Otherwise it's all meat, cheese, chips, pizza, and soda. We may be living together at some point in the future as this is getting serious, but this is an issue for me. I've worked hard to get on a healthy diet and I do not keep ANY junk in my house. Sometimes tortilla chips and salsa. I eat mostly paleo, but do have cheese. [more inside]
Hit me with your best banana-free smoothie recipes
I bought a Vitamix last summer, and a book of smoothie recipes. It was all fun and games until I was diagnosed with a banana allergy. Help me make my smoothies taste good again! [more inside]
Is it better to gobble or nibble?
Sweets, that is. From the person who just ate an entire bag of Easter chocolate (which doesn't bother me, it's a rare occurrence) - I'm curious. Is there any scientific reason why "bad" foods like fats or sweets are better consumed spread out over time rather than consumed all at once? Assuming the same quantity of total consumption. Google has no answers except "don't eat lots of sweets." [more inside]
Help me recreate the first salsa I ever had
The first salsa I ever had was delicious. Chopped fresh tomatoes, lots of coriander/cilantro. I was introduced to it in Petaluma in 1990. A plastic tub. It may have had a picture of a parrot on the top. I'm not sure if I bought it (regularly) at the Safeway or the organic/health food store. Do you remember this salsa? Have you re-created it? Know a close approximation? Please share.
Nerdy Thirty Party Planning
How do I plan, decorate, and successfully pull off a "Nerdy Thirty" birthday party when I have very limited party planning and artistic abilities? [more inside]
Someone send that lady a hotdog!
A relative recently had a bran-new baby; she has been missing and craving hot dogs and good beer, so that is what I want to send to her home. But it's turning out to be hard to find! [more inside]
What are all the foods and drinks referenced in Firefly?
Some friends are putting together a Firefly-themed dinner. What foods and drinks are directly referenced or depicted in the Firefly canon? [more inside]
Help me to reverse-engineer this excellent tom yum soup
A local Chinese restaurant makes the best tom yum vegetable soup I've ever tasted. I'd like to make it at home, but I don't have the recipe. [more inside]
What are some gluten free shelf stable proteins and veggies?
We are looking for shelf-stable, packaged proteins and veggies that are gluten free to go in lunches. We know about GoPicnic already, but we'd like some more variety and real vegetables of some sort! Proteins are mostly easy (spreads, dips, cheeses, jerkies), but finding the individual packed shelf stable ones are tough. We have found no veggies that fit the bill at all- we were thinking freeze dried veggies, but that sounds unappetizing and looks really expensive (also not individually packaged).
someday, yummy sundae
we are having a sundae bar at our wedding. what is the best (cheapest) way to get very large quantities of candies and chocolates for a sundae bar for 175 people? We're willing to spend money on delicious, but not on packaging. We are willing to ship stuff, but not to pay extravagant fees to do so. We are willing to buy at Costco, but it seems like cheaper should exist somewhere? Also, what are your favourite sundae toppings that you would be excited to see at a sundae bar? Also, if you have any tips about how we should lay it out in a cute way, please feel free to inspire us. thank you!
Persistant Nausea and eating(YANMD)
I'm going on two months of frequent nausea. Sometimes I throw up, most times I don't. Otherwise I generally feel fine (no fatigue, headaches, other pain aside from my possible endometriosis, sniffles, fever or anything else). I've been to my GP. [more inside]
Dinner for 10-12: for 5 days.
I have family coming in for a funeral this week. Our house is the hub, so I'm going to be feeding a group of 10-12 for 5 days. Any thoughts on comforting foods, that are relatively easy to prepare for that many? I am a good cook, but will have to spend some time at work this week, so I won't have tons of time to devote to this.


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Postcard 8
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Postcard 8 - In north Henderson, there's a postcard on the ground next to the bank's main entrance.
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Maumturks Walking Club offers a truly unique experience with great walking, breathtaking scenery, local knowledge, history and unrivalled hospitality. Maumturks Mountains and mountains in the west of Ireland offer routes to suit all level of walkers.
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This tour, using Clifden as a base, brings us through the heart of the Inagh Valley and allows us another look at Killary Harbour and back via the Maam Valley.
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Re: NEW CHAMPION..... The #48
michaeljohn wrote:HTower wrote:Of course, with Gordon's ability to wreck people, maybe Jimmy does still have a chance. Brad might get into the wall on lap 2 at Homestead
haha, tower i typed some close to this in your thread.....
wolf when it comes to racing i have no emotional attachment, i never bragged on JJ's success unless people were bein out right moronic about him, when he hit the wall today i just said "ehhhh" and turned on fball
Yep,and i didn't jump up and down screaming as the #48 went to the garage or did i get #### off when the #24 took the #15 out either,my emotions are in check.
Kevin Harvick in the #4 is way better than #29 as before!!!!


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Hello again.
It's study week. Hopefully a good many of my classmates will interpret that as "Beer Week" and by default I'll go up a few notches in the student ranking purely by default before they even see the blundering tripe I've written in my report and handed in as a real sciencey psychomology paper thingy. 482 more words


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If you are interested in good food and wine, don't miss this; A visit to 2 wineries with an informative explanation of the history of winemaking in Santorini and the uniqueness of the region, followed, not only by a sumptuous dinner in an excellent beachfront taverna, but the opportunity to help the chef prepare it, learning the little tricks to good greek salad, tomato keftethes and pork medalions in vinsanto. Of course it was washed down with the wonderful local assyrtico wines. Our host, Phenix, shared with us her passion for Santorini and its amazing food and wine. We were picked up and dropped off at our hotel and were lucky enough to share our experience with a beautiful mother and daughter from the US. Well worth doing, a great way to spend an afternoon in Santorini.
If you own or manage SAFOWI Santorini Food and Wine Tours, register now for free tools to enhance your listing, attract new reviews, and respond to reviewers.


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Before Alex Ovechkin's Hart-worthy rocket to put the game away made the building erupt with the sound of "M-V-P! M-V-P!," something strange, almost foreign, had taken root in the Washington Capitals' locker room at Verizon Center. Hockey players addicted to drama were learning what every good team on their way to great eventually learns: how to make it easy on themselves.
The Caps have forever been the team climbing from a hole before playing Adversity's Kids to the hilt — barely getting into the postseason, forcing a Game 7 after being counted out in Game 5 or 6, putting undue worry and pressure on their fanbase and their sapped bodies.


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Dump truck rear-ends Metrobus in Silver Spring
Authorities said 10 people were hurt, but their injuries were not life-threatening.
What Bowser's SOTD said (and didn't) about Metro, streetcars and transit
In her first State of the District address, Mayor Muriel Bowser promised to get the long delayed streetcar system running, talked about extending transit benefits to D.C. students, and investing in the Metropolitan Branch trail system.
Highway crews spring forward into road work season
Drivers, just recovering from winter commuting, will encounter some new, man-made delays.


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Washington Park
Top Outdoor Basketball Courts In Denver
Colorado's fabulous weather allows for outdoor sports almost year round. For basketball fans, there are a plethora of options in the city.
A Breakdown Of Denver's Neighborhoods
Denver is a city made up of neighborhoods, 78 is the official count, with each offering its own personality. These five just highlight what makes the Mile High City such a hot spot to live.
Rock 'n' Roll Marathon Now Features 10K & 5K Routes
Runners not quite ready for a full or half marathon at the Rock 'n' Roll Marathon this fall can participate in 10k or 5k races.
Nation's Oldest Professional Band Takes The Stage For Independence Eve
When it comes to entertaining crowds in parks, the Denver Municipal band knows a thing or two. The band itself is older than the state of Colorado. It was formed in 1861 by Alex Sutherland, a bugler in the Civil War.
Top Spots To Sunbathe In Denver
Summer's golden sunshine has arrived and this season is the perfect time to soak up Vitamin D by sunbathing. The Mile High City offers a fabulous variety of parks in which to explore nature and the great outdoors.
Top Spots For Picnics In Denver
The warm weather is finally here, so it's time to grab the family and enjoy a picnic in the park. Here are some of the best picnic spots in Denver.
Volleyball Players At Wash Park Not Pleased With New Rules
Denver police are stepping up patrols as new rules go into effect at the popular Washington Park.
Denver Police Search For Attempted Home Invasion Suspects
Police in Denver are searching for two men wanted in an attempted home invasion and stolen vehicle investigation.
Trees, Power Lines Take A Beating From The Wet Snow
The new snow that hit the metro area was full of a lot of moisture and caused problems for residents and Xcel Energy Monday morning.
Denver Won't Ban Alcohol In Washington Park
City leaders announced Tuesday that they will not ban alcohol at popular Washington Park and 3.2 beer is still allowed.


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1. Preheat oven to 350º. Stir together granola and milk in a small bowl. Let stand 5 minutes.
2. Toss together peaches and next 5 ingredients in a large bowl. Spoon peach mixture into a 8-inch square baking dish.
3. Stir granola mixture, and spoon over peach mixture. Lightly coat with cooking spray.
4. Bake at 350º for 1 hour or until bubbly. Serve with yogurt.
Note: For testing purposes only, we used Quaker 100% Natural Granola, Oats & Honey at one tasting and Heartland Original Granola Cereal at another.
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Durango, Colorado
Awaken To Your Angels & Intuition ... So You Can Live Your Life Purpose with Joy and Satisfaction
Our simple and experiential approach to spiritual development empowers you with the tools to trust yourself, understand your life purpose, and make the positive changes you need to feel truly happy inside and create amazing results in your life.
Get started NOW by signing up to attend the Awaken to your Angels and Intuition seminar in Durango.
Register NOW. There is limited space available.
Email Jo C to reserve your seat or for further information.
Awaken to Your Angels and Intuition
Saturday February 7, 2015
Thursday February 19, 2015 (with special guest Dorinda Fox)
Friday March 6, 2015
Each seminar: 6:30 - 8:00pm
Durango Recreation Center
Windom & Sunlight Rooms
Investment 10.00.
Have you ever questioned what you're doing here on planet earth? Join us for an enlightening seminar on the "Big Picture of Life" and clarifying the constant impressions streaming to you to help you live your unique purpose.
Pre-register: Jo C 970.903.3921 or email Lisa Marie
Presented by Debbie Guilbeau, Lisa Marie Glass and Jo C Soignier, Spiritual Educators with the Americana Leadership College
Private Consultations & Advanced Seminars
Connect With Your Angels Consultation
Friday February 20, 2015
6-8PM, investment 95.00.
Durango Recreation Center
Sunlight Room
Never doubt your decisions again. Discover your spiritual gifts, a clear 2-way communication with your spirit guides and keys to living your unique purpose. Personal consultation includes a workbook filled with practical spiritual tools and your Angel profile.
Appointment necessary, contact Jo C @ 970.903.3921 or email Dorinda
Profiles available with Dorinda Fox, Debbie Guilbeau, Lisa Marie Glass and Jo C Soignier, Spiritual Educators with the Americana Leadership College
Mastering Your Psychic Energy
While Living on Planet Earth
Saturday February 21, 2015
9AM-4PM, investment 100.00.
Durango Recreation Center
Sunlight Room
Experience answers to mastering your psychic energy while living on planet earth. Join us in an amazing journey of soul discovery and understanding the "Big Picture" of living in two worlds. Attendees receive a workbook filled with everyday spiritual techniques.
Connect with Your Angels Consultation recommended but not required.
Pre-register: Jo C @ 970.903.3921 or email Dorinda
Presented by Dorinda Fox and Jo C Soignier
Exploring Inner Dynamics Workshop
Saturday, March 7, 2015
1-4PM, investment 35.00.
Durango Recreation Center
Windom Room
Experience and expand the reality of your psychic nature and sensitivity. Discover answers about your divine unique life purpose. Learn simple powerful techniques that raise your spiritual vibration and develop your healing abilities. Learn how to discern your own energy from the energies in your environment.
Contact Lisa Marie 970.799.2516 or email Jo C
Presented by Debbie Guilbeau, Lisa Marie Glass and Jo C Soignier, Spiritual Educators with the Americana Leadership College
We can't wait to share with you the simple, practical tools to enhance your spirituality and your life.
Durango Leadership Team
Inner Peace Movement Programs
PS. Share this information with your friends and bring them along! And be sure to get started right now by signing up to receive your free Spiritual Cleansing Technique video.


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Young Adult
Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions
The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)
Promoting Healthy Behavior Change
10 Common Errors in CBT
Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!
What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage
Rejection Sensitivity, Irrational Jealousy and Impact on Relationships
When You Have Been Betrayed
Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People
For Women Only: How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams
What to Do When Your Partner's Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Relationship
Making Attributions for a Healthier Attitude
Happiness is An Attitude
Conflict in the Workplace
Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic
Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight
Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals
Excellence vs. Perfection
Depression is Not Sadness
Feedback, Self-Efficacy and the Development of Motor skills
The Effectiveness of Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment for Anxiety Disorders
Performance Enhancement in the Martial Arts: A Review
Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?
5 Common Microaggressions Against Those With Mental Illness
What to Expect from Mindfulness-based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) When You Have Depression and Anxiety
Does Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Lack Compassion? It Depends Upon the Therapist
When Needs Come Into Conflict
When Anger Hurts Those You Love
A Brief Primer On the Biology of Stress and How CBT Can Help
50 Tools for Panic and Anxiety
Coping With Change: Psychological Flexibility
Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Ending a Bad Relationship
I'm Depressed. I'm Overwhelmed. Where Do I Start?
Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve
Co-Dependency: An Issue of Control
The Pillars of the Self-Concept: Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy
Mindfulness Training
Riding a Horse Across the Plains
Cityscape Mindfulness
Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change
The Great Desert Mindfulness
Tropical Garden Mindfulness
Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight
Lies You Were Told
Probability and OCD
Choosing Happiness
Magic Bubbles for Children
Lotus Flower Relaxation
Cloud Castles for Children
Hot Air Balloon Motivation
Day of Fishing Mindfulness
Audio Version of Article: Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve
Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People
Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!
Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude
All Audio Articles
by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.
Clinical and Sport Psychologist
March 27, 2015
Six Characteristics that Distinguish a Healthy Anger from Hate
Many people are confused by anger believing it is a negative and destructive emotion. However, emotions are just information. It is the behavior that follows emotion that can cause harm. I propose that hate is not an emotion, but a behavior that can be clearly distinguished from anger.
Anger empowers. Hate seeks power.
Recognizing and attending to anger can empower us to address grievances. We can assertively take a stand against an unfair situation or injustice. Hate, however, doesn't want resolution but to have power over others—to weaken them with contempt and disdain so as to assert dominance.
Anger can be constructive. Hate is destructive.
When people are angry about a social injustice or about mistreatment, they often use their anger to address and bring attention to the problem. Hate only wants to destroy. It doesn't focus on alternative solutions but only on the destruction, emotionally or physically, of the object of hate.
Anger is momentary. Hate is a dwelling place.
Feeling angry is an emotion. As with all emotions, it lasts only a short time. The purpose of anger is to draw our attention to a problem that needs to be solved. Hate dwells on the emotion to keep it present, not for the purpose of solving a problem, but only for the purpose of feeling the hate.
Anger seeks change. Hate seeks revenge.
Even when people are very angry, their focus is on wanting something to change. Once change has occurred, the anger dissipates. Hate, though, doesn't care about change. Instead, it seeks to hurt in return. It wants others to feel pain and despair, and is not satisfied unless that occurs.
Anger is a response to hurt. Hate is a response to threat.
People feel angry when they are hurt. Anger is a reaction to an event. Hate is about the future. It is the fear of threat of injury to the self. It seeks to eliminate that threat by destroying the object of perceived peril.
Anger can be healthy. Hate is a hazard to mental and physical health.
Since anger allows us to recognize problems and problem-solve, it helps to improve health by responding in a proactive way to threats to our health. Hate becomes an ongoing stressor to the body which increases the unhealthy stress reaction which takes a toll on physical health.
March 16, 2015
Advice in Context or Why Diagnosis is Important
Frequently people hear general advice from psychologists and then, because it doesn't fit with their perspective, believe that it is all garbage.
However, advice needs to be taken in context. All advice doesn't apply to all people which is why diagnosis of the problem is necessary.
For instance, let's take the concept of guilt. Often, as psychologists, we tell people that guilt is a self-destructive emotion. However, such advice is in the context of a neurotic who is feeling guilty for normal, everyday behavior. For example, someone who feels guilty saying "no" to helping on a project when they don't have time and then worries about it.
However, in the case of someone who has committed crimes or offenses, guilt is a necessary and constructive emotion. When you do something wrong, guilt helps you to recognize it and to make amends.
The same is true with regret about mistakes. In a certain context it may be destructive and irrational whereas in another it can help address a problem.
March 15, 2015
Passive-Aggressive Example: Another Passive-Aggressive Mother and Planning a Wedding
I am having a very hard time planning my wedding because my mom and I want very different things. I believe in simplicity. Having a small intimate wedding (and a healthy marriage) is important to me, not a huge, traditional wedding. She wants to make decisions for me and demonstrates extreme passive-aggressiveness when I tell her my beliefs and what I want. She nicely says I can do whatever I want but then doesn't get excited about the things I decide on. It's hard because I want her to be excited but I also want to have the wedding I want. Yesterday we went dress shopping and before I could even say "yes" or "no" to the dress, she did. I ended up buying a dress that she liked. She told me the one I liked wasn't as slimming and the dress she liked made me look beautiful. She also ran into another bride in the store who was having a traditional wedding at a well known expensive venue in the area where she had wanted my wedding but I said "no" to because of the cost, stuffy atmosphere etc. When the girl asked where I was having it, my mom looked embarrassed to tell her my venue was at a bowling alley. It hurts. When I confront my mom she says I'm too sensitive and that I should just do everything on my own if I don't want her help. I want to note my mother is a beyond amazing person--would do anything for me. It's just that she is a very passive-aggressive person and plays dumb when confronted. Her image and appearance is very important to her and always has been. I feel like she thinks my decisions reflect on her image.
March 14, 2015
How Does Cognitive Therapy Help Depression?
Although it has been known for some time that cognitive therapy helps to reduce depressive symptoms, the specific role of cognitive therapy in symptom reduction required further evaluation. Recent research (Adler, Strunk and Fazio, 2015) clarifies this role showing that cognitive therapy increases coping skills to the degree that those with depression are no different in coping ability from those without depression. Although after cognitive therapy those with depression tend to still have more negative beliefs than those without depression, such maladaptive beliefs are less than prior to treatment.
Increased coping skills makes sense regarding symptom reduction because those with depression frequently engage in fewer self-care activities. This tends to cause a depressive cycle: feeling bad causes you to not take care of yourself which increases negative feelings causing less ability to take care of the yourself. Increasing coping skills reverses this cycle.
Adler, A.D., Strunk, D.R. and Fazio, R.H. (2015). What Changes in Cognitive Therapy for Depression? An Examination of Cognitive Therapy Skills and Maladaptive Beliefs. Behavior Therapy, 46, 96-109. DOI: 10.1016/j.beth.2014.09.001
March 12, 2015
Why Do You Use Social Media?
The primary motivators for using social media is to either connect socially with others or to feel more important. Those who focus more on how many friends they have or showing how exciting a life they lead by posting a lot of photos are more likely to have a power motive whereas those who spend more time on social media tend to have an affiliation motive (Heser, et al., 2015).
The problem arises when a person needs the external validation and does not receive it. For instance, those who are on Facebook for social connection may be vulnerable to negative moods if the interactions are negative. Likewise, those who need validation but don't receive encouragement or recognition may feel worse about themselves.
The message is to not rely on social media to meet your needs but use it as one method among many to increase social interaction and feelings of self-worth. If it doesn't feel good, don't do it.
Heser, K., Banse, R., and Imhoff, R. (2015). Affiliation or Power: What Motivates Behavior on Social Networking Sites? Swiss Journal of Psychology, 74, 37-47. DOI: 10/1024/1421-0185/100014
March 5, 2015
Passive-Aggressive Example: The Passive-Aggressive "Nice" Mother
I'm an adult child living at home. My mother makes me so angry but she is always so nice about it. She'll tell me, "Honey, we're trying to treat you like an adult, but you're not thinking this through and making good decisions." Anything I try to do she finds fault with but she does it in a nice way, "Are you sure that is what you want to do?" I don't choose the right career. I can't eat right. I can't spend my time in the right way. Why can't I just make mistakes and learn from them? It's my life! If I get angry, she's just clueless and claims, "I'm just trying to help you become independent."
March 3, 2015
Do You Seek Reassurance of Love? That Might Be Okay...Unless...
Seeking reassurance that you are loved can be as simple as asking your partner "Do you love me?" or "Why do you love me?" Or, it can involve looking for signs of rejection and questioning the partner about these behaviors: "If you love me, why....?" Or, it can be demanding that your partner show love in particular ways.
Research has found that those who excessively seek reassurance from their partner are more likely to experience depression. The theory is that because of feelings of low self-worth they engage in a reassurance-seeking cycle: they seek reassurance of worth from their partner which the partner initially provides and is experienced as rewarding by the individual causing them to seek reassurance again and again. Overtime, the excessive reassurance seeking can become frustrating for the partner leading to rejecting behaviors which then increases the depression.
Interestingly, though, researchers Evraire and Dozois (2014) showed that insecure forms and secure forms of reassurance-seeking may exist. In other words, just because you ask "Do you love me?" doesn't mean that you are insecure and likely to have depression. Some people seek reassurance while feeling good about themselves and the relationship—such reassurance-seeking tends to reinforce these good feelings.
The problem appears to be when reassurance-seeking is for the purpose of feeling better about yourself. Doing that is usually related to insecurity and fear of abandonment. These underlying core beliefs appear to determine whether depression is present and if the reassurance-seeking cycle will occur leading to increased depression.
Evraire, LE. and Dozois, D.J.A. (2014). If It Be Love Indeed Tell Me How Much: Early Core Beliefs Associated With Excessive Reassurance Seeking in Depression. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 46, 1–8. DOI: 10.1037/a0033486
March 2, 2015
The Pursuit of Happiness or the Pursuit of Money?
Every day, thousands of advertisements tell us that people are happy, worthwhile, and successful to the extent that they have money, possessions, and the right image. Yet numerous philosophic and religious perspectives across both time and culture have suggested that focusing one's life around the acquisition of money, possessions, and status saps one's spirit and undermines one's quality of life
(Dittmar, Bond, and Hurst, 2014)."
Analyzing over 250 studies, Dittmar and colleagues show fairly conclusively that pursuing materialistic desires is associated with reduced overall well-being in a number of ways:
Compulsive spending
. Perhaps the most obvious, people who are materialistic engage in compulsive spending defined as an obsessive focus on unnecessary purchases believed to make them happier. However, since possessions are not associated with happiness, they continue to buy more and more in their pursuit of happiness.
Risky behaviors
. Those who are materialistic tend to engage in other compulsive behaviors that are a risk to physical health such as smoking or drinking. This may be consistent with looking for something outside of themselves to make them feel good.
Negative self-appraisal
. Materialism is associated with increased insecurity and lower self-worth. Instead of valuing the self, they believe possessions, money, or status give them value.
Negative emotions
. Those with a materialistic focus tend to have more negative emotions and fewer positive emotions. Although the materialistic pursuit is often for the purpose of increasing positive emotions, it does not have that effect.
Poor physical health
. Individuals who are materialistic have poorer physical health most likely due to the focus upon external methods to make them happy rather than focusing on themselves.
Depression and anxiety
. A higher incidence of depression and anxiety is found in those who are materialistic.
Lower life satisfaction
. Overall, those who are materialistic are less satisfied with their lives.
These findings are consistent across gender, age, race, culture, and socio-economic status. Thus, research clearly shows that the pursuit of money, possessions, and status does not make people happy.
How can you increase happiness and satisfaction in life? Read my article "
The Secret of Happiness: Let it Find You (But Make the Effort)
" for more information.
Dittmar, H., Bond, R. and Hurst, M. (2014).The Relationship Between Materialism and Personal Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 107, 879–924. DOI: 10.1037/a0037409
March 1, 2015
Forgiveness Can Impact Heart Health More Than Traditional Medical Treatments
Examining how forgiveness in marital relationships affects heart health, researchers Fincham and colleagues (2015) showed that forgiveness has a greater influence than blood pressure medications and aspirin.
Obviously, forgiveness is not meant as a substitute for medications, but this research indicates that cultivating an attitude of forgiveness can be an important adjunct. If forgiveness is already in your nature, developing a more forgiving attitude may not have much impact, but if you have trouble forgiving, it may help your cardiovascular functioning.
One way to develop a forgiving attitude is the
Loving-Kindness Meditation
Fincham, F.D., May, R.W. and Sanchez-Gonzalez, M.A. (2015). Forgiveness and Cardiovascular Functioning in Married Couples. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 4, 39 – 48 DOI: 10.1037/cfp0000038
February 28, 2015
Can Being Shy Affect Your Well-being and Relationship? Yes, but It Depends...
Generally, research has repeatedly shown that people who are shy often experience lower well-being and insecurity in relationships. Yet, for those who have secure attachment, shyness doesn't affect the quality of their relationship or overall happiness in life (Rowsell and Coplan, 2013).
What does this mean?
In my opinion, the researchers are mixing social anxiety and the personality trait of being introverted. I think this is a common bias in research about shyness which confuses the results.
Although being introverted may often be associated with social anxiety and shyness, it is not the same concept. Being introverted is a preference for being alone vs. being with people. Many people who are introverted are socially adept and can even enjoy being social, but their preference is to be alone or just with small groups or other individuals.
The concept of the use of personal energy seems to describe the difference between extroverts and introverts quite well: extroverts gain energy from social contact whereas introverts use energy when with others. Conversely, extroverts lose energy when alone and need to be with others to "recharge" whereas introverts need to be alone to "recharge."
If you notice, this description of introverts/extroverts has nothing to do with being socially anxious or shy. In fact, there is no value judgment of which one is better—they are just different styles.
Thus, I think this research is really about the difference between those who are securely attached in relationships and those who are not. In other words, insecure attachment affects overall well-being and the quality of the relationship.
To assess whether you are securely attached, you can take the questionnaire
Measure of Attachment Qualities
Rowsell, H.C. and Coplan, R.J. (2013). Exploring Links Between Shyness, Romantic Relationship Quality, and Well-Being. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 45 287–295. DOI: 10.1037/a0029853
February 26, 2015
10 Everyday Frustrations and a Mindful Attitude
Frustration often is not only unnecessary but also may interfere with successful resolution of problems. If nothing else, a mindful attitude is healthier for you than feeling agitated.
Being late
When you are running late for a meeting or work, will you get there any faster if you are frustrated or feeling hurried? Choose your focus. You will get there just as quickly with a mindful attitude.
Unexpected inconveniences
When unexpected inconveniences such as a flat tire occur, does anger or agitation help manage the problem? A mindful focus gets the job done sometimes even more quickly because you aren't being distracted by your frustration.
Someone makes a request of you
Sometimes people are frustrated by requests that distract from their present purpose. Let's say you are practicing your mindfulness and your spouse asks you to find something. What an irony if you get frustrated, right? Instead, choose to continue to practice mindfulness while helping your spouse.
Difference of opinion
A difference of opinion doesn't have to cause frustration or anger. Choose to listen mindfully when someone doesn't agree with you.
Rudeness by strangers
When strangers are rude such as when you are cut off in traffic or someone gets service before you, frustration only hurts you and is not likely to solve the problem. Maintain your mindful focus: "I'm not going to let minor irritations take my mindfulness away."
Stopped in traffic
When you are stopped in traffic you are not going anywhere no matter how frustrated you become. Why not take it as an opportunity to practice your mindful attitude?
A common frustration is the avalanche of seemingly mindless paperwork in modern day society. However, you can make a mindless activity mindful by choosing your focus. Instead of feeling agitated just refocus back to the process of completing the paperwork—step by mindful step.
Customer service
We all experience the frustration of customer service when we have problems with our many "conveniences" in life (phones, TV, appliances, etc.). The often interesting outcome of focusing mindfully with customer service is you may find the customer service rep's attitude becomes more mindful as well. We influence others with mindfulness just as we influence others with frustration!
People often become frustrated when the weather isn't what they want it to be. It is raining when they want to go to the park or it doesn't snow when they want to go skiing. When it comes to the weather, it is best to be mindfully flexible.
Electricity outage
What better time to be mindful?
Notice that what most of these everyday frustrations have in common is they are uncontollable. When something can't be controlled, why not be mindful?
February 24, 2015
Passive-Aggressive Example: Trap of Demanding Private Thoughts
I'm working on my issues with jealousy. I try not to share my jealous thoughts and feelings with my girlfriend, but what do I say when she asks "What's wrong?" If I answer "I'm trying to work through some things" she demands to know what it is about and then we end up in an argument about the jealousy. What should I do?
February 20, 2015
Cognitive Diary Training Example: Fiance Spends Valentine's Day with Son
: Valentine's Day fell on weekend fiance had son and he decided to celebrate on a different day.
: rejected, hurt, angry
: 8--High level of distress
: "Valentine's is a special day and he could get a babysitter for his son this one time. Doesn't he even care about hurting my feelings? He is so inconsiderate! It is so unfair that he puts his son before me. I think I'm pretty understanding usually but this is Valentine's Day and he should spend it with me."
There are at least 3 irrational beliefs.
What is another way of thinking about the situation that won't cause the feelings of rejection, hurt, and anger?
February 16, 2015
Why You Need to Write to Challenge Thinking
When many people learn cognitive restructuring, the method in cognitive therapy used to challenge the inaccurate or irrational thoughts, they try to change their thinking by challenging the thoughts in their head. However, such an approach is not as effective as writing your thoughts, examining the inaccuracies, and writing a challenge to the irrational thoughts.
The primary reason that writing is more effective is that it gets you out of your head! Think of it this way. Whenever you engage in a behavior (and thinking is a behavior) you create automatic pathways in your brain. For example, when you learn to ride a bike, an automatic pathway is created—which is why you never forget how to ride a bike. It is very difficult to change an automatic pathway. In fact, we can't!
That doesn't mean you can't change your thinking, however. It just means that you need to create an automatic pathway that competes with the original pathway. However, when you try to do this by thinking about your thinking, the original pathway tends to assert itself and take over. Therefore, the best way around this is to start by developing a completely different pathway using a different sensory input (instead of thought, use the tactile modality of writing).
By writing your challenging thoughts, you are creating a different pathway in the brain that can then compete with the original pathway. Once you have established this pathway, then you should be able to use it without having to write. But at first you need to write even if you are repeating yourself—at least write the challenging thoughts.
By the way, using other sensory modalities could also work. For instance, saying the challenging thoughts out loud (unless you usually say the negative thoughts out loud). I suggest writing because most people do not write down their irrational thoughts as the primary method of reviewing them.
(Note to researchers out there: based on this principle, would it be best not to write down the irrational thoughts repeatedly—could they be inadvertently reinforced? I haven't seen this question researched.)
February 11, 2015
Passive-Aggressive Example: Passive-Aggressive Example: Handling a Backhanded Compliment
How do you respond to the following statement? "Wow, for someone really well read, you watch the stupidest TV shows!"
February 8, 2015
New Article: 5 Common Microaggressions Against Those With Mental Illness
Those struggling with mental illness often report that others don't understand the problems they experience. In addition, others treat them differently in very subtle ways but that are clearly apparent to the individual with mental illness. Not only that, but when those with mental illness complain, they are ignored, their mental illness is blamed, or they are told they are imagining the problem due to excessive sensitivity.
Although overt discrimination such as occupational inequities has been opposed through legislation such as the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), these types of microaggressions still plague those with mental illness. Microaggressions are subtle behaviors or reactions that diminish the recipient in some way.
The problem with microaggressions, similar to indirect passive-aggressive behavior, is the behavior is often so subtle that the perpetrator can easily deny the intention or even blame the recipient. Sometimes the perpetrator may even be unaware of their underlying attitudes that are being expressed in this subtle manner. However, the recipient is very much aware of the difference in how they are treated.
Through interviewing individuals with mental illness, researchers Gonzales and colleagues (2014) found five themes of microaggressions against those with mental illness:
1) Invalidation. Minimizing, symptomizing, and patronizing.
2) Assumption of inferiority. Intellectual, incompetence, and not having control.
3) Fear of mental illness.
4) Shaming of mental illness.
5) Second class citizen attitudes.
February 6, 2015
What is the Difference Between Mindful Acceptance and Emotional Suppression?
Although both mindful acceptance and emotional suppression reduce the intensity of emotions, some critical differences can influence your overall mental well-being.
Feeling vs. Not Feeling
Mindful acceptance involves experiencing the emotions for what they are whereas emotional suppression tries to ignore or eliminate feeling the unpleasant emotions. However, emotions provide information that help us manage our lives. When we ignore the emotions, we lose this important information. For instance, someone becoming involved in a new relationship ignores the emotional "red flags" indicating potential problems and continues in a bad relationship wondering why they always seem to pick the wrong person.
Reduced reactivity vs. Increased Distress
Often confusing to those inexperienced with mindfulness and emotions is the idea that mindful acceptance of emotions actually leads to reduced intensity and reaction to emotions overall whereas emotional suppression can lead to increased distress, anxiety, and depression. It seems intuitive to people that since emotions can be so unpleasant, not feeling negative emotions should lead to increased contentment. But the opposite is true. The mindful experience of emotions leads to decreased reaction to emotions and greater mental well-being (Teper, R. and Inzlicht, M., 2014).
Long-term Results vs. Rebound Effect
People suppress emotions because they don't want to feel the discomfort. Yet, what occurs is more discomfort over time because of the rebound effect of the suppressed emotions. The rebound effect means that when emotions are not addressed they will be experienced more intensely or over a longer period of time. For example, a woman who is angry about her partner going out with friends too much but suppresses the anger rather than stating the problem and addressing it is more likely to be distressed not only about this situation but every situation that reminds her of it. As a result, she experiences the emotional reaction over and over, perhaps becoming angrier each time. Not wanting to deal with the discomfort of the potential conflict causes her ongoing distress and unpleasantness.
To sum it up, learning to develop a mindful acceptance of emotions can lead to a long-term reduction in the intensity of emotions. The
Understanding Mindfulness
series of audios (with transcripts) free to download can provide more information about developing mindful acceptance.
Teper, R. and Inzlicht, M. (2014). Mindful Acceptance Dampens Neuroaffective Reactions to External and Rewarding Performance Feedback. Emotion, 14, 105-114. DOI: 10.1037/a0034296
February 2, 2015
Love Enhances Men's Ability to Recognize Emotion
A common complaint women have about men is that they seem unaware of others' emotions. Women tend to spend a great deal of time thinking about how others' feel and how they might react. Many women are disappointed that men don't consider others' feelings in the same way.
Interesting, researchers Wlodarski and Dunbar (2014) found that when men were shown pictures of their loved one and to recall early memories of the relationship, they were more capable of discerning a variety of emotions, but particularly negative emotions, of other people. Why might this be? The researchers speculate that men who are in love think more about the emotions of their partner than they normally reflect upon emotions. Thinking about their partner triggers the part of the brain focused on identifying emotions which made them more accurate on an emotion recognition task.
Wlodarski, R. and Dunbar, R.I.M. (2014). The Effects of Romantic Love on Mentalizing Abilities. Review of General Psychology, 18, 313–321. DOI:10.1037/gpr0000020
January 27, 2015
Do You Trust Your Partner's Expression of Acceptance?
Some people negate their partner's support and positive expressions of regard and acceptance. When they have a negative self-image, they believe their partner is only saying nice things to not cause distress but that the partner doesn't really mean it. A series of studies by researchers Lemay and Clark (2008) shows how people who desperately want to be loved may create a perpetual cycle of feeling rejected instead.
The researchers described how people, in general, believe that others will praise and show approval towards those who are insecure because they don't want to upset them. Due to this belief, when people share their vulnerabilities with a romantic partner or close friend, they are suspicious of the other's positive response because they think it is due to being cautious and not wanting to hurt them. These doubts about the genuineness of the other's positive regard causes the individual to be more negative and more insecure about the relationship.
Thus, there is no way out of this cycle. At least not as long as the person continues to believe the original premise that if a person expresses vulnerabilities, others will say nice things to not cause distress. As a result, no matter how positive the partner is, the individual believes the partner truly has an unexpressed negative opinion of them.
How can this cycle be stopped? Accept compliments. Period. If we have the potential to be wrong, it is better to be wrong in a positive direction. Don't try to evaluate what you think someone else really means. Accept what they say has genuine. Even if someone is saying nice things because they don't want to hurt you, isn't that a good thing? At least the person cares enough to not want to cause you pain.
Lemay, E.P. and Clark, M.S. (2008). "Walking on Eggshells": How Expressing Relationship Insecurities Perpetuates Them. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 420–441. DOI: 10.1037/0022-35184.108.40.2060
Some people may be curious as to why this website is dedicated to the "pursuit of excellence" when I am constantly warning about the dangers of perfectionism. To address this question we must differentiate between the pursuit of excellence and the need to be perfect. These concepts are not only different but can be considered antagonistic to one another. In fact these concepts are so opposed to one another that excellence can best be attained by giving up the demands of perfection.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the individual's belief that he or she must be perfect to be acceptable. Perfectionism is black and white with no gray area. Anything other than perfect is failure. Perfectionism is an attitude, not necessarily a behavior. In other words, two people can engage in the same behavior such as trying to win an Olympic gold medal but one can be pursuing excellence and the other is demanding perfection. The difference lies in the thought process about the goal or behavior, not in the goal or behavior itself.
Listening to the weather forecast one frigid day, I realized how much we are influenced by the catastrophic thinking of the media. The weatherman reported, "The weather has brought more
to the St. Louis area." Certainly, the weather was causing problems that day. An ice storm caused car doors and locks to be frozen so that people had a great deal of trouble getting into their cars. However, I thought, unless someone was in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone and they were unable to open their car door because of the ice, this was not "misery." Instead, I would call it an "inconvenience." Most of us walked out to our cars to find that we couldn't open the door, went back inside a warm house or office, and found some solution to our problem.
For many years when my husband and I were first together I would ask him "When are things going to get better?" We were dealing with the usual stressors that couples face: not enough time, not enough money, and the inevitable random events such as family conflict, deaths of loved ones, illnesses and injuries. In addition, for most of our early years together I was in school and struggling with the balancing of demands of advanced education, part-time work, and a family. But I had the belief that we were working towards this perfect life that one day would emerge shining a rainbow of happiness forever over us. My husband, inclined more toward the practical, just answered my question of "When are things going to get better?," with "Another six months." That answer typically pacified me for awhile because I thought I could handle any amount of stress for six months. However, a point would occur when I once again I asked my husband "When are things going to get better?" Once again, he would answer "Another six months." This scenario occurred fairly routinely for many years.
However, fortunately during this time I had experiences that began to teach me about my expectations of life. In particular, when I was completing my internship at the Veterans Administration Medical Center I had the opportunity to work on the spinal cord injury unit. That experience forever changed my thinking. In particular, I was struck by the differences in attitude among the patients.
"I don't have any willpower."
"I'm weak."
"I'm lazy."
"I can't do it."
Do these statements sound familiar? Too often, our self-statements about weight management interfere with our efforts and lead to failure. By changing how we think about developing a healthy weight we are able to change the behaviors that can lead to success.
Not long ago I conducted a little experiment with my cardio-kickboxing class. After an intense class I told them to get the heaviest weights they could curl 8-10 times. I spent a minute telling them to focus on feeling tired, that they had just worked out hard and they couldn't do anymore. Then, they were to curl the weights to exhaustion. Once they finished, I spent another minute telling them to focus on having energy, feeling good, feeling refreshed, and knowing they could do more. Once again, they lifted the weights to exhaustion. The results were that out of nine people, only one did fewer lifts the second time! And typically, when someone lifts weights to exhaustion they should not be able to lift as much the second time when it is only a minute later. Although this was not a controlled scientific experiment, it was a demonstration to my class to show how powerful our thinking can be. What this exercise showed was how positive thinking overcame the natural exhaustion of the body and created a self-fulfilling prophecy of lifting more weight because the participants believed that they could.
Copyright © 2003-2015 by
Excel At Life, LLC
, St. Louis, Missouri
Site Last Modified: February 27, 2015


text:
The Forerunner Manifesto (Part 2)
Beginnings (1986-1988)
There are actually two histories of The Forerunner. One involves Lee Grady who was the managing editor for almost nine years from 1981 through 1989. Our paths crossed only briefly for six months before he moved on in 1989 and I became the editor. I had published a newsletter in Boston called The Holiness Herald from 1987 to 1989 with my cousin. We published 20 issues in two-and-a-half years. We always wanted to expand the Holiness Herald to a magazine format and produce multi-media seminars on the history of Revival and Spiritual Awakening. Then a dramatic calling to ministry occurred on New Years' Day 1989. I was arrested and spent three days in jail with Operation Rescue after having participated for the first time in a non-violent prayer event at an abortion clinic in Brookline, Massachusetts. This occurred after I had been in my first teaching job for six months. I was a typical burnt-out first year teacher questioning the choice of my career. To make a long story short, on the basis of my work with this little newsletter I was offered a position with The Forerunner.
Maranatha and Post-Maranatha (1989-1992)
I had been a member of Maranatha for almost three years (1987 to 1989) when the ministry broke up. For the last six months of 1989, I worked in the international office in Gainesville with Lee Grady and a copy editor/administrator. When I first met Lee Grady, he told me that I was the answer to many years of prayer. He wanted to train someone to take his place so he could move on and train young people in foreign countries to produce international versions of The Forerunner. I immediately took this vision to heart. I was also excited that Eric Holmberg of Reel to Real Ministries was part of the international office because I eventually wanted to do video productions.
Everything was like a dream for those brief six months until November 1989 when the board of Maranatha decided that the answer to problems the ministry had had since its foundation was to dissolve the corporate headquarters and give the local churches complete autonomy. Lee Grady found a job writing for Charisma and National and International Religion Report. I stayed in Gainesville and dialogued with three of the Maranatha board members in charge of the dissolution of the international office. I insisted that I was going to continue The Forerunner. They did not want me to do that because it was their job to dissolve the ministry corporation. Then Bob Weiner, the founder of Maranatha, asked me to continue the publication under the auspices of his evangelistic endeavor, Weiner Ministries International. I produced the next issue without missing a beat. It wasn't the best issue ever from a design standpoint, but the content was good and I steadily improved in coming months.
For the next year, Eric Holmberg graciously allowed me to operate out of his office in Gainesville, most of the time rent-free. I taught part-time in a Christian school until I was able to get my support to the level where I could work only on the newspaper full-time. Bob Weiner took a one-year sabbatical and his attitude toward The Forerunner was hands-off. I probably had more freedom to develop my writing and vision for ministry than the other editors before me. For the first year, our interaction was mainly in prayer meetings with Rose Weiner and Rusty Russell in which we prayed for our collective ministry endeavors and world events. Once a month, Bob would go over the newspaper articles with me on the phone and suggest about a dozen superficial changes. Mainly, the Weiners were an encouragement to me and stated from the outset that they wanted to release this ministry to me once I could stand on my own.
In 1991, I traveled to Russia and Ukraine two times. I founded the Russian language Forerunner, Predvestnik, through Bob Weiner's new organization Christian Youth International. Predvestnik was an independent ministry birthed out of my vision and efforts along with whatever Bob Weiner was able to contribute as a tireless organizer.
By 1992, I had become dissatisfied with my church experience in Gainesville. The local Maranatha Church had closed. I attended a Vineyard Church and made some good friends there. The Vineyard was mainly a church that ministered to people who had been burnt out in hyper-evangelistic churches. It was good for the first few months because I needed a change of pace. I felt that the focus on "inner healing" and "body ministry" was needed for a few months, but it became irrelevant to me after a while. Eric Holmberg needed extra space for his video production ministry and asked me to move out of his office space soon after my second trip to Russia and Ukraine. I was alone in my apartment for many hours a day working on The Forerunner. I began to want to be part of a church family or a larger ministry with a like vision again.
There was also some controversy in Gainesville pertaining to the break-up of Maranatha. One pastor in town rebuked me for continuing to work with the Weiners. I think many people thought that the former leaders of Maranatha should have just dried up and blown away. There was a lack of grace and some accusations hurled at the Weiners, which I felt was unfair. Bob took a year long sabbatical beginning in November 1989 in order to get some pastoral guidance and reassess the purpose of his ministry. This lasted until he began Christian Youth International in March of 1991. Since that time, Bob has not taken oversight of churches or any ministry that is not directly related to his own work.
The Weiners proved to be the most generous partners I've ever been involved with even though we did not agree on everything. In the past 17 years, I have not been overly concerned with the controversy surrounding Maranatha's break-up because I always saw my ministry as something that was birthed out of the heart of God for reaching the world with a victorious Gospel message. Ministries come and go. God's Kingdom is forever.
«- The Forerunner Manifesto (Part 1)
- Forerunner Ministry News
- Ministry Ideas
-» The Forerunner Manifesto (Part 3)
Your comments are welcome!
Massacre of Innocence (DVD)
Exposing The Occult Roots of Abortion
This presentation looks at the spiritual roots of abortion and exposes the myths surrounding child killing. Little known historical facts about abortion and how they relate to modern feminism are presented logically and accurately. Has been effective in converting many to a pro-life position.
Massacre of Innocence goes where no pro-life presentation has gone before in "tearing the lid off abortion" to reveal the spiritual realities we must battle if we will bring an end to this crime. The presentation is absorbing, fast-paced, informative and incredibly devastating to any attempt to justify abortion.
"… an extraordinary statement … a powerfully articulate presentation about what abortion really means, and why a great and moral nation like the United States must not allow the slaughter to continue."
— Congressman Robert K. Dornan
Running time: 85 minutes
$19.95 — ORDER NOW!(We accept all major credit cards and PayPal.)
Click here for more information
The Silent Scream (DVD) Eight Languages
"When the lives of the unborn are snuffed out, they often feel pain, pain that is long and agonizing." – President Ronald Reagan to National Religious Broadcasters Convention, January 1981
Ronald Reagan became convinced of this as a result of watching The Silent Scream – a movie he considered so powerful and convicting that he screened it at the White House.
The modern technology of real-time ultrasound now reveals the actual responses of a 12-week old fetus to being aborted. As the unborn child attempts to escape the abortionist's suction curette, her motions can be seen to become desperately agitated and her heart rate doubles. Her mouth opens – as if to scream – but no sound can come out. Her scream doesn't have to remain silent, however … not if you will become her voice. This newly re-mastered version features eight language tracks and two bonus videos.
"…a high technology "Uncle Tom's Cabin" arousing public opinion just as Harriet Beecher Stowe's 1852 antislavery novel ignited the abolitionist movement." – Sen. Gordon Humphrey, Time Magazine
Languages: English, Spanish, French, South Korean, Chinese, Russian, Portuguese, Japanese
Running Time: 28 minutes
$17.95 — ORDER NOW!(We accept all major credit cards and PayPal.)
Click here for more information
God's Law and Society (DVD)
Download the Free Study Guide!
God's Law and Society powerfully presents a comprehensive worldview based upon the ethical system found in the Law of God.
Speakers include: R.J. Rushdoony, George Grant, Howard Phillips, R.C. Sproul Jr., Ken Gentry, Gary DeMar, Jay Grimstead, Steven Schlissel, Andrew Sandlin, Eric Holmberg, and more!
Sixteen Christian leaders and scholars answer some of the most common questions and misconceptions related to this volatile issue:
1. Are we under Law or under Grace?
2. Does the Old Testament Law apply today?
3. Can we legislate morality?
4. What are the biblical foundations of government?
5. Was America founded as a Christian nation?
6. What about the separation of Church and State?
7. Is neutrality a myth?
8. What about non-Christians and the Law of God?
9. Would there be "freedom" in a Christian republic?
10. What would a "Christian America" look like?
Perfect for group instruction as well as personal Bible study.
Ten parts, over four hours of instruction!
Running Time: 240 minutes
Watch over 60 on-line video interviews from God's Law and Society.
$19.95 — ORDER NOW!(We accept all major credit cards and PayPal.)
Click here for more information
Freedom: The Model of Christian Liberty (DVD)
"Give me liberty or give me death!"
Patrick Henry's famous declaration not only helped launch the War for Independence, it also perfectly summarized the mindset that gave birth to, and sustained, the unprecedented experiment in Christian liberty that was America.
The freedom our Founders envisioned was not freedom from suffering, want, or hard work. Nor was it freedom to indulge every appetite or whim without restraint—that would merely be servitude to a different master. No, the Founders' passion was to live free before God, unfettered by the chains of autocracy, shackles that slowly but inexorably bind men when the governments they fashion fail to recognize and uphold freedom's singular, foundational truth: that all men are created in the image of God, and are thereby co-equally endowed with the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
This presentation is a similar call, not to one but many. By reintroducing the principles of freedom that gave birth to America, it is our prayer that Jesus, the true and only ruler over the nations, will once again be our acknowledged Sovereign, that we may again know and exult in the great truth that "where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is liberty" (2 Cor. 3:17).
Welcome to the Second American Revolution!
This DVD features "Liberty: The Model of Christian Liberty" along with "Dawn's Early Light: A Brief History of America's Christian Foundations." Bonus features include a humorous but instructive collection of campaign ads and Eric Holmberg's controversial YouTube challenge concerning Mitt Romney's campaign for president.
$14.95 — ORDER NOW!(We accept all major credit cards and PayPal.)
Click here for more information
Amazing Grace: The History and Theology of Calvinism (DVD)
Download the Free Study Guide!
Just what is Calvinism?
Does this teaching make man a deterministic robot and God the author of sin? What about free will? If the church accepts Calvinism, won't evangelism be stifled, perhaps even extinguished? How can we balance God's sovereignty and man's responsibility? What are the differences between historic Calvinism and hyper-Calvinism? Why did men like Augustine, Luther, Calvin, Spurgeon, Whitefield, Edwards and a host of renowned Protestant evangelists embrace the teaching of predestination and election and deny free will theology?
This is the first video documentary that answers these and other related questions. Hosted by Eric Holmberg, this fascinating three-part, four-hour presentation is detailed enough so as to not gloss over the controversy. At the same time, it is broken up into ten "Sunday-school-sized" sections to make the rich content manageable and accessible for the average viewer.
Running Time: 257 minutes
$19.95 — ORDER NOW!(We accept all major credit cards and PayPal.)


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Taylor Swift Baby News (Sort Of!)
Taylor Swift Baby News
The ever talented and generally awesome Jamie King is pregnant with her second child—and she's designated one of her best friends (and you know, international mega-star) Taylor Swift as the babe's godmother. Taylor announced her big news to her fans via Instagram with a super cute pic (does she ever not look super cute?!).… Read the rest
How Safe Is Deli Meat in Pregnancy? The Truth About Listeria
How Safe is Deli Meat in Pregnancy?
If you follow me on Instagram, you've already seen the ad showing a seemingly happy and healthy pregnant woman eating Hormel Natural Choice deli meats. Why did I post their ad? Because I think it's irresponsible at best, and dangerous at worst.… Read the rest
Big News on Listeria: Food Safety & Pregnancy
Big News on Listeria
If you're pregnant, I hope you've already heard about listeria, a super powerful bacteria that can be found in cold cuts, premade sandwiches, cured meats, hot dogs, salami, ham, and even soft or unpasteurized cheeses. You need to know about it, because it can lead to miscarriage or stillbirth, and recently, it was found in a popular brand of ice cream out of Texas.… Read the rest
Just Say No to Unnecessary 3D Ultrasounds
Unnecessary 3D Ultrasounds
News flash: Going through extra ultrasounds early in your pregnancy to get keepsake 3D ultrasound photos could potentially put your baby's health at risk. In my pregnancy book, Mommy IQ: The Complete Guide to Pregnancy, I noted that not all doctors recommended these types of ultrasounds, and now the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has advised against this kind of ultrasound during the first 10 weeks of pregnancy (unless of course recommended by your doctor for medical reasons!).… Read the rest
Common Core Testing: What Do You Think?
Common Core Testing
As common core testing begins across the country, more and more parents are boycotting the standards test—many pulling their little ones out of school for the testing days. On one hand, I sympathize with the parents protesting common core testing—we don't know very much about this test, how the questions are determined, or whether or not they're actually helpful to our children.… Read the rest
Steal Kate Middleton's Pregnancy Safety Secret
Kate's Safety Secret? Giving Up Spray Tan!
Here's one beauty and health tip all moms to be might want to take from pregnant Kate Middleton: Skip the spray tan! Rumor has it that Duchess Catherine has been a long-time fan of St.… Read the rest
Is Cord Blood Banking Part of Your Birth Strategy? If so, Here are Must-Read Tips For Delivery Day!
Is Cord Blood Banking Part of Your Birth Strategy?
This post is sponsored by ViaCord
Before you know it, the months of waiting and weeks of planning have passed and the big moment will finally come. You'll find yourself at the hospital ready to deliver your baby!… Read the rest
The Doctors Who Are Shutting Down Anti-Vaxxers
Doctors Shutting Down Anti-Vaxxers
We all know how controversial vaccinations are right now—and I think you all know my stance on the issue (vaccines are not just important for your child's health, they're vital for the health of your friends, neighbors, and communities!), so it's no surprise that I was wowed by some news out of California about a group of doctors taking a hard line on anti-vaxxers.… Read the rest
A Safe Home is a Happy Home!
SPONSORED POST: A Safe Home is a Happy Home!
I'm so excited to be teaming up with Tide and Gain to help educate parents everywhere on how to keep their home safe both in and out of the laundry room. We often think of safety proofing the bathroom and kitchen but there are hazards in every room that we need to make sure are out of harms way.… Read the rest
High Fashion Obsessions: Moms on the Runway
Moms on the Runway
I can't help being just a little obsessed with Fashion Week—the buzz, the parties, the new collections, the amazing street style! Even if I'm too busy running back and forth to doctor's appointments or playdates, I still make a point to spend some me-time in the evenings looking at all the runway shows (thank goodness for the internet, right?!).… Read the rest


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Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wordless Wednesday - Serendipity Princess
photos taken by Janet Iles July 13, 2009 in Barrie Ontario as the Serendipity Princess was approaching the dock,
Posted by Janet Iles at 10:27 AM
Labels: photos, Wordless Wednesdays
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Thanks. That last pic is a big help. I wasn't sure exactly how intact the hulls should be. I'll play around with it until it looks close to yours.
Glad the pic helps. My gap is pretty close. When brewing 10 gallon batches I usually go through two 20v batteries in my cordless drill. I really need to hook up the washing machine motor I have sitting around...
I tried my corded old craftsman drill and it couldn't handle the load... started smelling the motor getting hot...
Here's what I got.
I just started working at a Micro Brewery here in Frederick, MD (Barley and Hops) as a server. The head brewer, who used to brew for Flying Dog for a while, evaluated this latest crush and he seems pleased with it.
I'd like to see a little more crush on that RightousFire, while I'm certainly no brewmaster, I see large pieces w/ some whole grains. Just my $0.02.
I hope this is not a thread hijacker but different types of malts crush differently. Atleast has been my experience. The original pic was of crystal (I think) and the following examples looked like 2 row. I noticed when I crushed my 90L crystal there was very little if any flour and that the grain itself seemed much moister than the 2 row or pils that I crush. I not trying to say his crush was fine enough just pointing out what I have come across.


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Status: Role endedTalk0
2,719pages on
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this wiki
Category page
Actors who are no longer involved in the series, because their character died or they were recast.
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" Matthew Scurfield is a British actor. In Game of Thrones he played the role of Vayon Poole.
Matthew Scurfield


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Miami Shores is a populated place LOCATED WITHIN the City of Moraine. In turn, the City of Moraine is located within Montgomery County.
Miami Shores is located at latitude 39.693 and longitude -84.24. The elevation of Miami Shores is 722 feet above mean sea level.
Since Miami Shores is located within the City of Moraine, all of the census and demographic data for residents of Miami Shores are included as part of the information reported for City of Moraine in the "Data" tab above.
In similar fashion, ALL OF THE NAVIGATION TABS ABOVE ARE FOR THE City of Moraine Community Profile.
Montgomery County: Cities & Towns | ZIP Codes | Schools | Features (airports, churches, hospitals, etc.)
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Data Source - USGS GNIS FID: 1065775
BOUNDARY MAPS: City of Moraine | Montgomery County


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How to get rid of Mexican Feather Grass?
I had three of these planted earlier this year but pulled them all out within one to two months yet now with the rainy season I see little babies popping up everywhere. Can I expect this to be a continuing problem or is there something I can do to rid myself of it? The area is heavily planted with other grasses, perrennials, ground covers, trees and bushes so I don't think chemicals a good idea.
They pull out of the ground very easily. Pull every time you see one where you don't want it to grow.
In the future, you can restrain seeding somewhat by "combing" the grass clump when it starts to set seed. Be certain you have a large container nearby to stash the "combings."
Thanks all. Jungle87, I have a better idea, why don't you come pull them and take all you want?
Actually I've pulled most of the larger weeds, removed the top 1/2 to inch of soil (with the hope of removing more of the dratted feather grass seeds) and will now lay down landscape cloth (easier to get in quantity than newspaper - although I would prefer newspaper because it breaks down and adds something to the soil) and then lay 3-4 inches of shredded hemlock bark on top. That, I hope, will do the trick. Cheers!


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Redfoxiii Replied to a Post by Sol
I want to believe. » 3/25/15 11:40pm Wednesday 11:40pm
I want to believe. » 3/25/15 11:40pm Wednesday 11:40pm
F1 motors are single turbo, bub. » 1/13/15 1:38pm 1/13/15 1:38pm
I effin' love everything Vectorpark. Dude's brilliant. » 1/13/15 1:28am 1/13/15 1:28am
It's very fussy and busy, styling wise. » 1/08/15 7:02pm 1/08/15 7:02pm
I keep hearing the Austin Powers theme in my head as I look at these. » 1/08/15 9:49am 1/08/15 9:49am
Jesus, ouch! » 1/04/15 1:08pm 1/04/15 1:08pm
It sure "sounds" like a R26B 4-rotor. » 12/25/14 12:32am 12/25/14 12:32am
Dr. Faust has no need for physics. Or reality. » 12/23/14 10:37am 12/23/14 10:37am
...that video is the Aston AMR-1, a prototype in a gulf oil livery, not an Aston DBR9., like your slot-car picture. » 12/17/14 2:18pm 12/17/14 2:18pm
They couldn't break a gamecube when they did this a couple generations ago. » 11/26/14 7:54pm 11/26/14 7:54pm
I'm sure the nature of track days means you don't pass or try to pass on turns, but in this case it really means we don't get to see what makes F1 cars so spectacular - how they fly through a curve compared to normal cars.
A drag car would just as easily do what we see in this video - be faster than most things in a… » 11/13/14 8:28pm 11/13/14 8:28pm
Looking at the ingredients this is probably pretty close to the experience of drinking it - "DAMNSHITFUCKOUCH ok here we go." » 10/31/14 8:13pm 10/31/14 8:13pm
I don't recall any of those teams having significant power-unit issues - reliability has seemed pretty good and Ferrari is certainly better than Renault. Bad aero and absurd handling (particularly Ferrari's) happen, but that's not the engine's fault. » 9/05/14 9:41pm 9/05/14 9:41pm
I'm always slightly surprised to not see San Francisco listed in these lists, if for nothing more than their preservationist bent - 1910's era streetcars and the small (touristy, I'll admit, but functional and unique) cable car network work as transfers from bus lines and metro rail, and BART is bicycle friendly...… » 7/25/14 12:03pm 7/25/14 12:03pm
I think that's possible, yes. » 7/15/14 4:27pm 7/15/14 4:27pm
Everyone is missing something very important here: GoPro has an entire market that straight up does not care about ANY of this: film and television makers.
Seriously, they won an Emmy for technical innovation.
Nobody else on the planet makes a camera with that high quality of video, with that many mounting options, and… » 7/15/14 12:21pm 7/15/14 12:21pm
Woo, I got one in (and nobody is disputing it!) » 6/23/14 9:33pm 6/23/14 9:33pm
Lancia. Not doing anything now, but for a teeny little Italian company, they competed in F1, sports cars, and still have the most successful rally car on record.
Also there are TWO in the Jalopnik dream car garage. » 6/20/14 11:48am 6/20/14 11:48am
He'd kill whoever he tackled O_o » 3/02/14 9:49pm 3/02/14 9:49pm
He didn't already? » 2/18/14 4:52pm 2/18/14 4:52pm


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Ways to Share Christmas with Others
Give gifts that reflect the real meaning of Christmas
Typical gifts are well and good, but it is a wonderful time to get someone a gift that reflects the love of Christ. There are a number of great new books about Jesus that come out every year, not to mention new Bibles, music, movies, and more. Don't miss a great opportunity to give someone a gift that can change their life!
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