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Our imagination does not impose mortality. That's why Sherlock Holmes comes back from Reichenbach Falls, Superman does not really die at the hands of Doomsday, and Spock, well he overcomes the wrath of Khan.
The real world though is different. No matter how loved you are, you still die. And there is no way for your character to be retconed or brought back, much though the fans might clamor and plead.
That's just the way of the world.
So goodbye Leonard Nimoy. Goodbye First Officer Spock.
I know what you will say. That Spock still lives. That he does, in the JJ Abrams reboot and the countless re-reboots that will inevitably follow, for Spock is imaginary and popular and makes money for studios, with the last definitely guaranteeing the character's immortality. However so perfect was Nimoy's realization of Spock, from the arched eyebrow to the superior smirk, that, for me and I suppose countless others, he became the character, and while there may be many more actors down the line who will become Spock, the connect has somehow been broken, almost as if the transporter malfunctioned and the Spock that has materialized on the platform is not the one that was beamed down.
When I first started watching Star Trek, decades ago, Spock immediately became my favorite.
He had pointed ears. He could bring down men with a pinch on their shoulders. He could meld minds. He didn't get horny much but when he did, he could kill for it. He bled blue. He calculated probabilities in his mind. He could beat you in 3D chess. And in a bare knuckles brawl.
He was way too cool.
Then as I was drawn into the world of the Trek, I realized who he was.
The real hero of Star Trek.
He was the real smarts behind the operation. Face it, left to Kirk, the Enterprise would have become cosmic flotsam years ago. I like Kirk a lot too but he was a horrible captain most of the time, whose solution for the problems of the galaxy was either killing or bedding the lifeform in front of him. It was Spock who cock-blocked Kirk when required, which was often, and held him back and shepherded him through one crisis after another, while standing back at his science-officer's console at moments of success, letting the good captain be the glory-hound. He was brave, putting the needs of everyone else over his own. And he was the best friend a man could have. Why, when Kirk's persona got split at the transporter, it was he who had declared, when no one on the Enterprise believed it, (perhaps for the behavior of the evil rapacious Kirk was not too dissimilar from the captain they knew), "I think we have an imposter on board", such was his faith in his friend and captain.
As I grew older and became more immersed in the deep SF themes of Star Trek, I grew to love him more, for it was he who was the most human of all the characters, the struggle between his Vulcan (that he got from his father) and his human side (that he got from his mother) capturing one of the fundamental conflicts of the human condition, that between cold hard reasoning and irrational emotion, between the head and the heart.
And it was Leonard Nimoy's masterful portrayal that made Spock Spock. He could not shout "Khaaaaannnn". He could not show emotion. Because then he would be "out of character".
Yet, and this was a testament to his craft, he could still bring out Spock's vulnerability, his deep love for his friends and for the universe at large, and the defining conflict of his character in a way that, even after watching countless reruns, inspires awe.
It's acting of a kind we will never see again. Because Leonard Nimoy is no more.
Or maybe I am wrong.
If there is anything that Star Trek has taught me it's that our mind must always be open to alternate possibilities and that our imagination, like space, has no final frontier.
Maybe he is somewhere in the great beyond, in this universe or another, tricorder slung to the side, analyzing, understanding and feeling.
Maybe we shall meet again some time in the future.
Till then, dear sir, here is the Vulcan salute.
I have been, and shall always remain, your fan.
In his seminal work "Thus Spoke Zarathustra", the great German philosopher Nietzche gave the world the concept of Übermensch or "over-man". Widely misinterpreted through the ages, Hitler for instance used it as the philosophical underpinngs of Aryan superority, Übermensch is a notional anthropomorphization of "ultra-humanism", a supreme being who while being infallible and possessing the power to create not just worlds but also values, is still not a God, because he is, by definition, human.
In other words,
Koi Hume sant kehta hai, Koi kehta hai farishta, Koi kehta hai Guru, To koi kehta hai bhagwan…Lekin hum toh hai sirf ek…Insaan
MSG is the film Nietzche would have made, had he been alive today and possessed verdant shoulder hair.
The connection between MSG and Nietzche could not be deeper. "Egoism is the very essence of a noble soul" is what Nietzche had once said, and MSG is three hours of nobility and egoism, on an uber (and I am not talking about the taxi service) scale.
For instance, the titular character is referred to as Pitaji. The name itself is significant, because according to Nietzche , "Whoever does not have a good father should procure one", and much if not all of the film's narrative is about the disaffected, the ignorant, the tired and the misguided finding a good father. Or to quote "Hum Ek Aise Baap Hai Jo Dushmano Ke Liye Akele Hi Kaafi Hai".
Pitaji embodies the concept of Übermensch. He is infallible. Men swoon in front of him. His patented elixir Ruhani Jam cures the incurable. Beautiful women beg "Please please please let me make a documentary on you, please please". He is God-like in that he can edit the laws of Physics like it was a file open on his desktop. Just on a whim, he bursts out of a glacier. He generates magnetic fields of great intensity using solenoid-curls of shoulder-hair, so intense that they absorb the kind of electricity that would light a city. He explodes on the stage like the Big Bang. He can obliterate a huge log with a gentle karate chop. Like Magneto, he can manipulate metal. He can make matter disintegrate at the atomic level, with simply a beatific smile. Lead bullets become flowers, and steel metamorphoses to gold that then becomes his crown. There is deep symbolism here, as any keen student of Nietzche would recognize. "I name you three metamorphoses of the spirit: how the spirit shall become a camel, and the camel a lion, and the lion at last a child." (Thus Spoke Zarathustra) and while I may have missed the camel among all the action, there were definitely many children and, also most pointedly, a giant lion with humongous wings, the wings of course symbolizing the ascent of the spirit to a higher plane.
To continue. He plays football like Pele. He gets prostitutes married off. He is a global rockstar. He takes terrorists out with sonic waves. He convinces armies of men and women to donate blood while armies dance Bhangra around them. He invents a game called Goalstick. He outwits the Nasha Mafia. He solves global warming. Plants fold their leaves and do namaskar to him. When he is bored, he careens through space-time. He drives multi-colored Batmobiles. He makes clay pots with his hands. .
Yet despite being so God-like, he is a human, as he keeps on saying over and over again, of course an evolved version, like if Steve Jobs had designed human beings or as they would call it in Apple, i-Übermensch.
I will grant you this though. MSG is a very difficult film to understand, so subtle and layered are the meta-narratives. For instance, Pitaji's clothes, in keeping with his Übermensch-ness are shown to span the entire electromagnetic spectrum. This might seems trippy and crazy to the uninitiated, especially when he moves like a blur of color, but to the wise is deeply significant, representing as it does every frequency in the visual range of insaans, a message or should I say MSG of acceptance and equality. There are allusions galore, like when the pretty Ukranian reporter comes near a tree, partakes an apple, finds a snake curled up on the branch and right then Pitaji appears, wearing the US flag as a shirt, and subdues the snake, a thoughtful alternative narrative to the Garden of Eden parable or US intervention in Eastern Europe, take your pick.
Difficult though it be, MSG is definitely a great achievement. It's not easy capturing the complex philosophy of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" on celluloid, and I am amazed someone has attempted and accomplished this so perfectly.
Will a film as deep as this be made again?
As the song from MSG goes, "Never ever".
To set the mood, here is my favorite World Cup song of all time, from last edition, and if this doesn't get you pumped up, you are obviously Ajay Maken after the Delhi polls.
So "Who will win the Cup?"
Will it be Bangladesh? It doesn't matter because for Bangla fans they have won it already, by virtue of having defeated India in one game in 2007 and then having spent every moment from that time to now speculation about sinister Indian conspiracies to gut the great Bangla team, starting from Pune benching Tamim Iqbal through the season in order to break his heart and through that sabotage Bangla cricket to debilitating verbal broadsides thrown at them by the likes of Sehwag and "Nabhjyot Singh Seeedhu" (video taken down from Youtube). In their first practice game against Pakistan, they put up a good performance, which included contributions from India-slayer Tamim, "what-exactly-does-that-guy-do-in-the-team" Mahmadullah and Shakib pitched in too by not making even one obscene gesture at the crowd (unedited pic here). And while it would take only a great optimist, namely every Bangladeshi fan, to think that they have a reasonable chance of going the full distance, expect a national holiday the day India gets eliminated.
Will it be Zimbabwe? I have no idea because I really know very little of their team, except that they don't have a Ramzada or a Haramzada in their team but definitely a Masakzada…sorry even that I got wrong Masakazda. Wish I could say something knowledgeable but I really don't know, except that I am pretty sure they can't make it to the end.
Will it be West Indies? The West Indies team currently looks like a jute mill from 80's Bengal, with management firing union workers, and replacing them with strikebreakers who can't tell the right side of a bat from the wrong. These guys could have been contenders, just like Bengal could have been, but then they ain't no more. Gayle is as if someone put a pre-paid card on his batting, the moment balance becomes zero, his phone beeps, and he gets out, Dwanye Smith is a pale shadow of this guy who is a matchwinner for the other West Indian team, Mumbai Indians and now the South Indies, everything depends on Lendl Simmons and Marlon Samuels, and one can't really win a World Cup with just these few players. Maybe lucrative contracts with IPL franchises is the best they can get this time, which seem to be all they care for anyways.
Will it be Pakistan? With the only heavy guns being the barely-legal Shahid Afridi, the only physicist in Pakistan not making a nuclear bomb Misbah-ul-Haq (that's how I always think of him), the odds of Ahmed Shahzad finally converting Dilshan to Islam are better than them lifting the Cricket Cup World Cup. But with ace spinner and Maula Jat chair-professor of English, Saeed Ajmal being available, after successful rehabilitation for chucking-related problems, Pakistan is just one fake injury away from boosting their chances. The thing about Pakistan is that they can never be written off, so tenacious they are. Just when you think they have no chance, a few of them take a boat and land where you least expect them to.
Will it be India, defending champions of the World Cup and IPL [image above: India Today]? The player to watch out for me will be Stuart Binny because Mayanti Langer might be seen with him. India's chances seemed to have improved off late, with Ishant Sharma taking what Kiran Bedi would call a "voice rest", but then a more-than-a-hundred-run drubbing at the hands of Australia brought up the specter of a loss to one of the non-Test playing nations. India's bowling was always like Katrina Kaif's acting, but this time the batting seems to be rivaling it in terms of quality, and perhaps nothing puts things in perspective more than the fact that Rohit Sharma is the man from whom the most is expected.
Will it be England? (image above: Cosmpolitan). This is England's best chance to win something since the Battle of Plassey, and I understand that's not saying much. Their bowling attack looks really good in the conditions the World Cup will be played in and besides Draco Malfoy Broad, the entire pace attack looks to be in form. The batting is less solid, and much will depend on Captain Morgan and Haseem Amla-lookalike Moin Ali, but otherwise if you ring the Bell the Buttler will come, typically British style.
Will it be Sri Lanka? Sri Lanka is that guy in class who always ranks within the top four, no matter how tough or easy the question paper was, the one whose superior gaze you want to avoid after the examination. Dilshan, who seems to have been playing forever now that Sachin is gone, is in great form, Sangakkara remains a freak of nature, Angelo Matthews has had a terrific year, and if there is any reason why they are not higher up on my list, it is because of the spotty nature of their bowling, specially the form and fitness of Malinga.
Will it be South Africa? If you go by pure cricketing logic, it should. Read the line-up and Amla, De Kock, Faf, Duminy, Miller stare at you, and then when bowling, two of the world's best pacers, backed up by a Philander and a surprisingly effective Tahir, and did I forget anyone but of course I did, AB De Villiers, the Leonardo De Vinci of batting and very simply one of the greatest players of the modern game, at the center of it all, and you wonder if any of the other teams have even a bit of a chance. But they do, because South Africa is like a Greek God with a premature ejaculation problem, contriving to leave early through different devices—-dropping a catch while celebrating or reading a table wrong or a batsman looking the wrong way with one run needed.
Will it be New Zealand? New Zealand have always been a very effective limited-overs outfit, with a whole line-up full of utility players who work well as a team. This time not only do they have home advantage and a great run of form leading up, including thrashing South Africa in a practice match, but they actually have a few players with flair—a McCullum, a Williamson and a Mr. Anderson. This very well might be their tournament.
Will it be Australia? Nothing quite build up rhythm and experience than a series against India, and the Aussies are as bursting with confidence as Somnath Bharti in Khirki Extension. They have one walking wicket (scientific name: Sikhar Dhawanticus) in their line-up, captain Bailey, but if Clarke is match-fit, this team looks Amit Shah scary, having match winners up and down the XI. If they have one weakness, it's also that they just played a series against India, and hence have not really been tested by a half-decent team. Yet they remain favorites, and the only way they can be kept from the Cup is through EVM tampering, Ambani-Adnani ke haath, or a bad game in the knock-outs.
I don't know who it will be. What do you say?
The scoreline is stunning. 67 for AAP, 3 for BJP and 0 for Congress. Yes the exit polls got it wrong, the AAP did far better than anyone could ever have predicted.
This is, of course, right about the time two narratives emerge, the victor's and the vanquished.
For the vanquished, the loss is because the media was in the tank for the other team, our organization dropped the ball, the winner benefited from Cause A that was not in our hands, and finally that old chestnut, look at their vote-share, they didn't even x% of the total vote.
For the winner, the victory is a new horizon in Indian history, a win for the forces of good over evil, of the will of the people over money-power, and feel free to throw in your own cliche here.
We saw these two narratives emerge after the Lok Sabha election, and they emerge here once again, except that the people pushing the narratives have been interchanged. Not that these narratives have no truth in them, except the sulking vote-share argument, but a realistic analysis is in order, one that is made without Arnab Goswami trying to shut you down.
Is this the proverbial blow to Modi? The answer is "yes and no". It is "yes" because, for reasons best known to them, the BJP actually made it into a mandate on Modi. Perhaps it was because of a lack of faith in their local leadership (we shall come to that later) or because the performance of BJP corporators, as I understand it, has been less than stellar, Amit Shah brought in political rhetoric more appropriate for a Lok Sabha elections, and in a State elections, there is a cognitive disconnect when you do that, because people want to hear about local issues. As an example, in a speech that I heard on TV, Amit Shah kept on saying how under Modi sarkar, Pakistan may start border skirmishes but India finishes it. Even if you are impressed by the nationalistic narrative in the speech, why would you want to vote for the BJP at the state level based on that? By bringing issues that had the risk of irrelevance and by making Central ministers bear the bulk of political communication (as opposed to state leaders), the BJP made it about Modi, which is a very risky strategy in a state, where their electoral prospects had already been made dodgy (and they should have known this) by the inevitable vote flight from a broken Congress and the consolidation of anti-BJP-votes under one banner.
It is also "no" . The Modi government has neither been an abject failure, partially because of factors they cannot be credited for like falling global gas prices, nor has it been a stupendous success, specially in terms of its roll-back on corruption. The most pragmatic assessment of the Modi Sarkar is that it is firmly in the band of "acceptability" (or as my school teachers would write in my report card V. Fair) as far as governance is concerned. If Lok Sabha elections were held today, Modi would still win pretty handsomely, and many of the people who voted for Kejriwal for the State would vote Modi for the Center because at the time of writing, there is still no national alternative to BJP, with the Congress having passed away. Also lest we forget, this same party was winning one state after another, only till very recently, and nothing catastrophic has really happened, except Modi's questionable fashion choices, to sink the government.
So then, what happened in Delhi?
The first thing to consider is that in terms of state elections, Delhi is very special. It is significant politically purely because of the media attention it receives by virtue of it being India's political and political news capital. It is also special because it is a city-state, that has both affluent and highly educated class, less prone to politics of caste and religion, as well as poor migrant workers. Because of the fluid structures of migrant communities, the baggage of caste and religion and history is not as heavy for them in Delhi as it would have been back in Bihar. Which is why both the rich and the poor, are more interested in questions like "What is in it for me?" as opposed to "What's the religious/caste identity of the candidate you are putting up". In other states, an Amit Shah can cobble together strategic caste alliances, or pit local satraps against the other, or play up to local chauvinism, and that's sometimes enough to give him victory, but in a place like Delhi, it's mostly about getting the messaging right.
And there the BJP absolutely tanked. Even its counter-messaging, or negative campaigning, was all wrong.
It attacked Kejriwal for being a "bhagoda". Kejriwal promptly "apologized". I put the quote-marks because it was not a real apology, for that would have "I was auditioning for PM-ship because that's what I wanted, I used my time in the government to primarily get into the national conversation, I jettisoned the government strategically to pursue my ambitions for being a PM, I spread my resources too thin, and I am back now to my old job". But then again, it was still an apology and given that Indian politicians never say sorry, and the Indian electorate is more than forgiving, the apology was powerful enough to totally take the wind out of the sail of that attack.
It attacked Kejriwal for accepting donations from shady people "at night" which actually ended up shifting the conversation to political funding in general, which, to put it mildly, is not BJP's strong suite, corruption is a important issue in Delhi than, say, it would in the backwaters of Bihar.
And over the last few months, it has let the Sakshi Maharaj and assorted other loonies emerge as their most popular faces. Modi's mandate, in urban India, was development, and the kind of wide media play these fringe elements got (and it is a virtuous circle here, the anti-BJP media will cover the worse stereotypes of right wing politics and the same elements will revel in that coverage) did real harm to the party, specially in mild places like Delhi.
In contrast, AAP got the messaging correct. It was also appropriately negative but it constructed the narrative around familiar middle-class bogeymen, namely sinister big business houses and vague conspiracies to tamper with EVMs and other assorted inflammables that would get the old boys all agitated during their morning walks and community samosa-eating.
And in it's positive messaging, it had everyone beat. If elections are about "What will you do for me?" the AAP came up with such an extensive feature list of deliverables that it was no wonder that BJP didn't even want to get into a feature fight-out with them, delaying their manifesto as much as they could. It had a free "something" for everyone, from bijli and paani right up to Wifi, a veritable Santa Claus in February. CCTVs? We will install 15 lacs of CCTVs and boom woman's safety. How will one pay for 15 lac CCTVs? Ah well, did I tell you about the new power plant we will set up? How? Where? How much will it…Err wait, have you seen point number 45? It's frightfully easy for AAP to play this game, because they have never been in power before, and so have no record of not-kept-promises. Oh yes, there was that 49 day thing but they have apologized for it. So it's cool.
Now that they have been elected and come to the business end of the promises, it will be interesting to see how much of that was "jumla". If I can hazard a guess, the most likely outcome of most their promises will either be non-fulfillment (the 15 lac CCTVs for instance), or a transference of blame to the Central government for the "stepmotherly treatment" accorded to Delhi. I use the term "stepmotherly treatment" from my personal experience of having grown up under CPM rule in Bengal, these being exactly the two words they used to explain everything from why Jyoti Basu's ambitious Bakreswar Power Plant, which would solve Bengal's power problems, (note similarity) to why the long laundry list of promises made to voters was not being followed through. The similarities I find between CPM of the 80s and AAP is striking. Both subscribe to politics of extreme populism, both are strongly cadre-based, both have many genuinely likeable and committed people who felt there were making a difference, and neither could never really explain how they would fund all that they promised. The only difference was of course that CPM was idealogically monochrome, namely red, while AAP is a rainbow tent, from "give Kashmir independence" types down to mild nationalism, chameleon-like, different things to different people, and absolutely perfect for a heterogeneous urban center like Delhi.
Which finally brings us to leadership. BJP had none. It waited too long, hemming and hawing about their Delhi strategy, giving their opponents time to get off the ropes and have a shower-down. They had little trust in their local leadership, having sent the reliable Harsh Vardhan to the center, and when they brought in Kiran Bedi, it was too late. Perhaps even more damning, she was the absolute wrong choice. In elections for a place like Delhi, where messaging trumps caste, it is very important for a leader to be an effective communicator, and Bedi, with her angry school principal demeanor and her scrapbooks, was just not cut out for this. Because BJP felt they were so light on leadership, they poached Shazia Ilmi and Krishna Tirath from AAP and Congress, and this like was an IPL franchise buying Dinda and Nehra to bolster their pace attack. They did bring the cavalry in, late in the game, but that just made things matter worse, raising the stakes in a battle they had been losing for a while.
In contrast, AAP was supreme. In AAP 1.o, it was all about Kejriwal. He was in the studios, he was lying on the streets, he was here, he was there, he was waving his finger about, he was throwing a press conference, he was tightening his muffler, he was coughing into the mic. In AAP 2.0, he wisely became the leader, the statesman, sitting back and coordinating, the cool politician that south Delhi-tes would say "choo chweet". But then South Delhi isn't Delhi. So AAP had different faces to appeal to different people, Yadav, the kind self-deprecating uncle with a silk-smooth voice, Khetan, consistently on the attack in TV studios, Ashutosh raising Hell on social media, keeping the base riled up with wild conspiracy theories every morning, and Somnath Bharti Luther King with his feet on the ground, because Delhi. In addition, Kejriwal fielded pragmatic candidates , of questionable AAP quality, in outer Delhi, went easy on the "We are a social movement" and accepted that there were in the politics business, and ensured a wide targetting of different sections, Muslims, migrant workers, housewives, angry old men, and the effectiveness of that is attested to by the final vote tally.
As an independent voice, I welcome the arrival of AAP. Any working democracy needs a strong opposition and right now, with the increasing obsolescence of Congress party, the BJP does not have a credible antagonist at the national level. There is thus space for a party like AAP to emerge to take its place. With Delhi at an impregnable base, AAP can now again dream of conquest, but hopefully they have learned from the last time, the perils of spreading themselves too fast, too thin. A slow, graded, less greedy approach, predominantly concentrated around urban centers (and no I think UP is a bad move) would be the best strategy forward for them. As for BJP, the lessons should be clear namely that the people who really vote, they don't really care for Modi hugging Obama or advice to produce more babies, because it's not something that really helps them in their lives. I hope you get what I am saying. Also I sincerely hope that this defeat does not lead to the rise of the old BJP, both the shrill Hindutva-hawks as well as the protectionist-populist Swadeshis.
Finally congratulations Delhi. You will have five interesting years.
If you an Indian interwebs-junkie and don't spend every bit of your bandwidth quota in watching videos on the educational site also known as Pornhub, you would have heard of All India Bakchod and The Viral Fever, and if not heard of them, then definitely seen their videos. And if you have not a week ago, you definitely know of AIB now with their roast of Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh going viral on the Net and getting play time in the media, and then being taken down, now that random religious outfits eager to grab their two seconds of fame have filed cases against them for "vulgarity", and the fans of a prominent star, who has apparently taken grievous umbrage to what was said, anti-hashtagging it aggressively on Twitter, because as you may have guessed it, this is very important issue for the youth of the country right next to global warming and Gautam Gulati winning Big Boss.
So, like every other young man like Rahul Gandhi, I too have something to say.
First of all, well done AIB. You has definitely struck gold with their roast. None of this, the approbation or the condemnation, is going to harm you guys even a little bit. On the contrary it has firmly established your brand.
Because, make no mistake, gaaonwaalon, this is business.
Along with TVF and several other similar comedy-collectives, AIB caters to an under-served market that has huge disposable income, namely upper-middle-class urban Indian youth, drawing their comedic inspirations from Comedy Central and pirated specials of Louis CK, for whom Kapil Sharma and Raju Srivastava are the Guddu Rangeela and Altaf Raja of laughs. The "disposable income" part is very critical because that's where the business model is. Roasts and stand-up and fake movie award nites are perfect for brands, and, it's well known that advertising, explicit or implied, works best with humor.
Of course a vital component of popularity in India is Bollywood. No matter how much you "roast" them, it's impossible to take the next step up in the popularity ladder without Bollywood celebrity endorsement. While that's not rocket science, what's less obvious is that Bollywood needs comedy collectives too. The days of inaccessible movie-stars with large sun-glasses has joined abundant chest hair in the dust-heap of history. Now Alia Bhatt's PR works with them to cleverly roll back a PR disaster for their client. Rising stars like Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh want to associate with AIB, because it feeds in well with the persona their image managers want to cultivate, that of bindass stars who then become first choices to endorse youth brands, like condoms, with a direct connect to the Roadies demographic and it was not a co-incidence, I guess, then that the once-anchor of Roadies, its most recognizable bald head, was also on the Roast panel. Even someone like Shahrukh Khan, who you would think transcends the need for publicity, comes on TVF, because their insane number of Youtube subscriptions is too much for even him to let go.
This is, of course, all a marketeer's wet-dream. And like most great success stories, the different comedy-groups have their timing right. Ten years ago, when Net speeds were as fast as Munaf Patel, an Youtube-based franchise would not have worked. Now it does, rivalling television in terms of ease of access. If I had money, (which I dont) and the balls to invest (which I dont), I would buy stocks in AIB and TVF right now, because they are a bunch of digital visionaries, firmly on the way up.
Coming to the show itself, I found it quite enjoyable. While some of the jokes missed the mark, either due to the writing or due to the delivery, and that anyone who writes comedy will tell you is inevitable, in all it was very professionally put together event. My favorites were Tanmay Bhatt among the stand-up comics when it came to the delivery, and Karan Johar among the celebrities. Not so much for what KJo said, but the way he said it. The best humor stems from incongruity, and it's the dissonance between KJo's "It's all about loving your family" (which on second thoughts now sounds a bit Game of Thrones creepy) wholesome persona, and the way he comes across (which of course is also an act) in the Roast that's makes for the best laughs. It's like a Nirupa Roy character in a film looking tearily into the camera, "Aaj woh hote toh yeh din naheen dekhne padte" as a sad Kalyanji-Anandji tune plays in the background and then suddenly fishing out a multi-speed dildo.
Of course there was the inevitable shitstorm about the language and the jokes. Here is how it works, dear fellows. Just like your clicking and loading a porn link implies implicit consent to nudity, your clicking on a roast implies implicit consent to bad language and overall filth. It's not that difficult. And I am sorry to have to break this to you, but the language that your innocent self was exposed to when you sat through an hour of an AIB roast is exactly what you would find in a hostel room and in the backyard of a school, and again I am sorry the world isn't different, but hey, duniye bananae waale kya tere man main samayee, kahe ko chutiya banaai.
But was the bad language necessary? Kind of. The best roasts are those that recreate relaxed meeting of old friends, where they reminisce, throw about embarrassing anecdotes, and talk the way old friends talk, without concern for feelings or propriety or the appropriateness of the language. You are the outsider, not normally part of such an exalted circle of celebrities, but being allowed, by virtue of having bought a ticket (or of seeing an ad on Youtube), to be part of this exclusive group of friends for an hour. The bad language is part of the act, it's what creates the reality of the illusion, and hence inevitable.
If the roast falls short anywhere though, it is not so much the language, but that it breaks the fantasy of spontaneity, in that there are a tad too many places where the roasters seem to be rehearsed. I may be wrong but KJo seemed to have ad-libbed at places and those, as I mentioned before, were the best parts of the roast because it came off as natural. Part of it was inevitable, roasts work best when the people on the stage have a long history of prior work, and can play off each other, and I somehow think that Arjun Kapoor and Ranvir Singh, despite the back-slaps and the embraces, not really chaddi-buddies with the rest, coming as they do from different worlds.
What was not inevitable and could have been avoided, was the tendency to play the same things again and again, fat jokes at Tanmay, black jokes at Ashish, Catholic jokes at Abish. Not just because it was repetitive, but because the cultural context that has "inspired" the jokes just does not carry over. Catholic priests abusing altarboys is a standard trope in American standup comedy, it sounds silly to an Indian audience because even the biggers haters of the church associate it with conversion, not underage molestation. A "You are so black" joke directed at Snoop Dog isn't a joke at his skin color, but at his cultural baggage. A more appropriate adaptation would be "He is so Bengali that when a girl asks him to bring protection, he comes with a monkey cap". Replace that Bengali with "AAP" and "monkey cap" with "muffler" for another variant.
The final word is pretty simple though. Like it or not, the roast is there and insult comedy is here to stay. Just like Honey Singh, Radheshyam Rasia, and Somnath Bharti. And while you are free to counter-protest, or turn-off, or unfollow or unsubscribe, you do not have the right to shut down, either through government fiat, very easily done given the sorry protection given to freedom of speech in our laws, or through implied threats of violence. Of course, this is all going to blow away pretty soon. Political parties love moral policing, while claiming not to, because it's a cheap and dirty way to "We care" popularity, far easier than building hospitals or providing clean water, and so they will blow hot for a day or two, AIB will keep under the radar for a while, and then after an appropriate period of time has passed, everything will be back to normal and AIB will have a stronger brand than when they started.
And that's good.
Because we definitely need more humor.
Thus it was with nothing but un-alloyed joy that I welcome his becoming the Supremo of the Censor Board. It's like an old friend that has made it big, not that Mr. Pahlaj Nihalni was not big before.
Of course I am not a teenager any more. Now as a parent, I am extremely happy that the job of "maintaining the sanctity of Indian culture and values" and "preventing vulgarity" has now fallen on Mr. Nihalni, because I don't know of many men, other than the director of the above movies( one Mr. David Dhawan) who is a bigger expert on the topic.
So here is my wishlist for the new board, using animated gifs from movies produced by the great man.
I hope that now the Censor Board will be more resistant to "pressures" from above.
That there will be more open communication of policies and procedures.
That film-makers should not have to reach beyond just to satisfy the Censors.
That Board meetings are harmonious
That sufficient focus be given to the educative qualities of cinema.
That decisions are taken in an informed and consistent manner.
And that the censors and the film fraternity work together to give us more clean, wholesome entertainment.
It's strange, this phenomenon. Hours and hours of watching my favorite sportsmen on the telly, and I begin to believe that I know them personally. That's why I tuned in when Sachin was close to a century and become all emotional when Ganguly walked out that last time. Even though it is extremely silly, I become personally invested in the individual successes of these strangers, that goes above and beyond my team winning, just like I would do for my friends.
And just like I do for my friends, I make these little mental stereotypes.
The passionate. Sourav.
The gentleman. Dravid.
The self-absorbed geek. Sachin.
The guy who never gets his due. VVS.
The maverick. Sehwag.
The relentless. Kumble.
But what about Dhoni?
I don't think I have that personal connect with him, not in the way I have for the names above. As Harsha Bhogle writes, in this beautiful piece, he could not figure out who he was and he is someone who actually knew Dhoni pretty well in real life.
Unlike my other sporting heroes, the sport was never Dhoni's religion, never the be-all-and-end-all. It was a job, a job he did because he was very very good at it and because he made a lot of money from it, and he never showed it to be anything else, like a deep love for the sport or the country.
There was a fundamental honesty there and yet it was just too honest for the sports-fan in me.
The paradox, and some may say the hypocrisy, is that while I consider myself a pragmatist, I hero-worship those that are not, or perhaps do not appear to be.
That's significant. This "appear to be". I am sure that many of my heroes are cynical to the core, perhaps even dangerously two-faced, that their passion and devotion are only acts to be consumed by gullible people like me, and the truth of that was brought to me when Azharuddin was revealed to be doing what he was doing, a day of great personal trauma for me, because I remember actually crying, for he, not Sachin or Saurav, had been my biggest sporting hero.
For instance, I don't know for sure if his commitment to India was more or less than his towards his IPL franchise, CSK, though I think that CSK came first, definitely over Test matches.
But wait. Why should it not? He never played for India, he played for BCCI, a club by their own admission, and if there are two clubs you play for, and one pays you a lot more than the other for doing a lot less, which one should one prioritize? If I worked two jobs and one paid many times more than the others, I would do exactly the same.
His relationship with Srini, much lampooned and hated, was also based on pragmatism. Sport, despite all the marketing soft-soap about how it is a higher calling, is big business for those who are in it, and any pragmatist would know that one can only persist by being part of a winning team, not just the eleven that walks out onto the playing arena, but a team that includes the big dogs in administration and advertising.
This pragmatic outlook, shorn of all the silly romanticism, defined his cricket also. He had a horrible bowling attack and an ageing batting line-up, so he set defensive fields and hoped the opponent had a brain-fade. If he knew opponent needed a win, he would pack massive defensive fields and hope they get out to that (it worked once). This made for boring cricket and even after that India got their asses handed to them. The alternative would have been the charge of the light brigade approach, and while that may have worked once and people remembered it for precisely that, the odds were never on, and hence Dhoni would never try. If choice A was an unspectacular bowler who, at best could take three wickets and at worst, hold down one end, and choice B was an unknown whose only strength was that he was unknown, but who, in the worst case, would be creamed all over the park, Dhoni would take choice A. That's why Ashwin played in the Tests he captained, and Karn Sharma in the one that Kohli did.
The odds. Yes Dhoni played the odds. Not the heart.
Which is why I have always thought of him as this super-genius, legendary, fund-manager. He has managed three funds—Tests, ODIs, and IPL. Over the years, he has realized that the Test fund, given the resources at hand and given his own investment philosophy, is just not working out for him. The numbers are there. In red. They look even more horrible compared to the numbers on his other funds. He had been cutting his exposure for some time now, limiting dives because of his dodgy back, till he had come to the stage that five days of standing in the sun, mostly as opponents hit five-hundred-plus-scores, was simply not worth his investment. It reduced his value, there was too little reward, and the opportunity cost was too high.
All he was looking was for a time, just as he looks for that time, when he is pottering around in the 46th over and the required run rate is going up, to unleash the big shot.
So the time comes. He takes it.
He does not wait till the end of the series cause it would be the right thing to do. He does not play another Test and get the waterworks on.
He just picks up his hat and dissolves his fund.
Of course, used to I am to heroic narratives around commercial sport, this kind of mercenary pragmatism is disquieting, even though it is precisely because of this unsentimental odds-based approach that Dhoni has been such a successful fund-manager all his life, having brought back more trophies than any of my sporting heroes.
So that's that.
Dhoni. Fund-manager.
Looking back, I wish though there had been some tears, some sentimentality, some faux-emotion, and even though it would have been dishonest and manipulative, I would have felt better. I wish he had shouted some gaalis when he batted, or gone nose-to-nose with Kamran Akmal, or made faces at Shane Watson. I wish he had given more soundbytes like "I love my India" and "Cricket is my life".
I wish he had not appeared so detached. I wish he had been one of my hero fake-friends.
But he isn't
And that, I suspect, is exactly how he would have wanted it to be.
So I saw PK.
How was it?
TLDR: It's a three-hour long episode of Satyamev Jayate.
For those of you who have not seen this program, which strongly makes me believe that you are not the kind that stops at a stop sign, Satyamev Jayate can be summarized as "social activism for those of us that like to watch Big Boss but feel guilty ". It picks a certain "problem of the week", like police reforms or corruption or doctors, and then runs through an hour of over-explaining and music and appropriately emotioned-up guests. The USP of the program, the reason why people watch it, is of course Method-Actor Khan (known to mortals as Aamir Khan) for whom Satyamev Jayate is a perfect prop for his carefully cultivated image as a socially conscientious superstar. Cycling through various expressions, "the-oh-my-God-I-had-no-idea" ("Apko police ne yeh kaha?") as if he is hearing the guest's story for the first time, "the-oh-my-God-I-so-feel-for-you" eyes-welling-up-with-tasteful-tears, Mr. Khan straddles perfectly that grey area between reality and choreography, between the person and the persona, and if the topic of the week does not keep you watching, or that sharp prick on your conscience if your finger goes to the remote control to change the channel, Aamir Khan's performance sure does.
Like Satyamev Jayate, PK too has a "problem of the week", long passages of preachy exposition, poking-in-eye messaging, and each one of Aamir Khan's Satyamev Jayate stock facial expressions. Except being an alien, his innocent "I-had-no-idea" face makes a little more sense, though for old-hands like us, there is a bit too much of the Main Kahaan Hoon Tiloo from "Andaz Apna Apna" and one of the characters he played in Dhoom 3, for me to be overtly blown away by the acting. Just as Satyamev Jayate, despite its flaws, is an improvement on the brainless muck that passes for entertainment on Indian television, PK is definitely better than the "Bang Bangs" and the "Ready"s, a low bar surely, somewhat like complimenting a fast bowler for bowling faster than Venkatesh Prasad.
It had a lot going for it, like Mr. Perfectionist's perfect derriere, though obfuscated by mist, Raju Hirani at the helm, and some funny sequences involving pee-ing, peek-ing, peekaying and anal-probing, which I would perhaps have better appreciated if I was nine years old
However it is let down by two major cinematic boo-boos.
First the climax was so god-awful that it made the baby-delivered-by-vacuum-cleaner in Three Idiots seem kind of okay.
And second, Raju Hirani becomes so focussed on the agenda, the moral at the end, that rather than let the story deliver the message, he had the message write the story. As a result there is a really weak narrative and absolutely zero chemistry between the characters, nothing like the way there was between say Munnabhai and Circuit. Instead of story and memorable characters, there are lengthy lectures facing the camera, extremely contrived situations, and possibly the most-rushed-romantic-tale I can remember, between Anushka Sharma and Sushant Singh Rajput, reminding one of the Ravi Behl-Divya Dutta romance in "Agnisakshi", scurried primarily because the only reason it existed was to establish the message.
The basic problem I believe is that Raju Hirani is way out of his depth in PK, biting off way more than he can chew. To be fair, it is extremely difficult to make a movie that is anti-organized-religion without coming down inordinately on one religion, and unless you are willing to go fully "equal opportunities offender" like Maher in Religulous, which again is a very difficult thing to do in a fictional setting, treading carefully is a must.
Unfortunately Hirani is as subtle as a sledgehammer, a deft touch he doth not have.
Not that I believe Hirani has an insidious bias or that PK is part of a global anti-Hindu conspiracy, which you would believe if you followed the boycottPK loony hashtag, but it is true that Hirani exclusively ends up using Hindu religious practices as his pincushion. Sure, there are throwaway blink-and-miss-it references to Christian conversions and Muslims treatment of their own women, but the focus remains firmly on the Hindu faith. It's the man dressed as a Hindu God who runs like a coward, it's the Hindu Gods who stand ghoul-like silent as PK prays in front of them, which happens to be the most powerful scene of the movie. The villain is a fake baba, a supposed anthropomorphism of everything-that-is-wrong-with-religion, except that he ends up as a stand-in for only Hinduism. If it was just one character, it would be still fine, but then there is another Hindu priest who is shown as a glorified pick-pocket, taking away Anushka's wallet in a way that is more like a hood in a dark alley than a man of God. No other religion has their people in authority get consistently poor treatment.
The explanation for that, I believe, and here is the supreme irony, is fear. Like most people with a bit of common sense, Hirani knows that depicting a maulvi as a money-grabbing goonda would lead to consequences more dire than the mild controversy that is brought on about by social-media outrage or the isolated court-case they have more than enough resources to fight, both of which incidentally are good for the movie publicity-wise. Hirani's consciousness of "those who must not be angered" is perhaps most evident when PK, the alien, puts up signs of different Hindu Gods on a wall and, if I am not totally wrong there was also a picture of Jesus, but even PK knows, from news that might have reached him billions of light years away, that forget pictures there are some depictions of deities you do not put on walls, if you want to keep your head on your shoulders. In that context of fear, the rather provocative line "Jo Dar Gya Woh Mandir Gya" becomes ironic, almost as ironic as an actor convicted of Jihadi terrorism in real life being blown up by a Jihadi bomb on screen.
Personally, I loved the message of PK, mainly because being a non-observant agnostic with a healthy dislike for rituals and organized religion, I agree with what the movie is trying to say. The problem is how they say it, preachy, uneven, hammy and amateurish.
And while a lack of balance may be forgiven or even blatant bias (for are we not all biased), sophomoric film-making cannot be.
One of the sad realities of living in today's world is how inured we have become to incidents of terrorism.
Do we know anyone who died today? Naah we don't. So let's hashtag, share update on FB, and move on. Which of course raises the bar for terrorists, obligating them perversely to be more "spectacular" to catch people's attention.
Like bringing down two of the world's tallest buildings on a busy office day.
Like storming 5-star hotels and butchering people in cold blood.
Like shooting dead close to one hundred fifty school-kids.
As a parent, it is difficult not to feel a deep bond of empathy for those that have lost a child, for it is the most frightening thing that can happen to a human being. I would not have said this a few years ago but now that I am a father, I truly mean it.
But alas in this world, I cannot just be a father. I am an Indian. I am a Hindu.
Which in Pakistan, means I am the Devil.
Which means I did it.
Not surprisingly, the Pakistani political establishment has chosen to blame "Indian intelligence agencies" (RAW) for the barbarity at Peshawar. There is Hafiz Saeed, an extremely influential voice in Pakistani politics, no matter what we would like to hope is not the case. There is General Musharaff, and I hope our Indian media organizations invite him over in one of their thought-fests to tell us more about why Indians/Hindus did it. There is, as NDTV points out, "not one single condemnation from mainsteam political parties on Hafiz Saeed's statement". Imran Khan has, last heard, refused to name Tehrik i Taliban because, hey, he should not be jumping to conclusions even though the TITs did say they did it but then again, what's important is, who they are allied with and we all know who that is.
For many, it is TIT-for-tat (yes now you know why I did not write Tehreek-e-Taliban, just for that) if India can blame Pakistan for 26/11 why not India for this? It does not matter than the terrorists of 26/11 actually came from Pakistan, were Pakistani citizens, called Pakistan on their satellite phones, and had Pakistan-issued stuff and the involvement of Pakistan is corroborated by multiple sources, like US intelligence. It does not matter that Tehrik i Taliban is a radical Islamic organization that really does not like kafirs and only in a very warped alternate multiverse, would be allied with India. It does not matter that there is no proof except a photo going around social media of some men, supposedly the terrorists (though no one knows even if that is true), with the dark-skinned men being circled as "Indian" (I sincerely hope that's someone's idea of a sick joke, because it is even sicker to think that someone would actually take that seriously).
Nothing matters. India did it. That's the story and they are sticking to it.
In a bizarre way this makes sense. For a country that is founded on the basis of a "safe homeland for Muslims" it is fundamentally disruptive to accept that Muslims, that too those that consider themselves extremely observant, are themselves killing Muslim children. This, by definition of the country, cannot happen. And so rather than look in the mirror, the easiest thing is to blame someone that is external, the historically designated demon.
From "Dawn", [link]
"Religious minorities are often portrayed as inferior or second-class citizens who have been granted limited rights and privileges by generous Pakistani Muslims, for which they should be grateful," the report said.
"Hindus are repeatedly described as extremists and eternal enemies of Islam whose culture and society is based on injustice and cruelty, while Islam delivers a message of peace and brotherhood, concepts portrayed as alien to the Hindu."
The researchers also found that the books foster a sense that Pakistan's Islamic identity is under constant threat.
"The anti-Islamic forces are always trying to finish the Islamic domination of the world," read one passage from social studies text being taught to Grade 4 students in Punjab province, the country's most populated.
Isn't it natural, given that this is what is taught to students in Grade 4, in the way of Pythagoras theorem, that then becomes the truth itself, the straight line between any two points?
But forget books for a while. Let us look at a clip of Veena Malik, who since this appeared has been sentenced for blasphemy for something totally different. Structured as a dial-in show with a maulvi and with the redoubtable Ms. Malik as a host, this would be comic gold if it was not also so hateful. As a lady calls in, she is possessed by a demon (I am not kidding, watch the video if you have not seen it), and the maulvi asks the demon if he is Hindu or Muslim. Because of course, even demons have religions. And voila, the demon, in the best exorcist voice says, "Main Musalman naheen hoon" (I am not a Muslim). The maulvi, who makes up for Veena Malik's over-acting with equally bad under-acting replies "Tum Na-Musalman Hindu hoke kaise is Musalman behen ke andar aa gaye" (How did you, a non-Muslim Hindu get into the body of a Muslim sister?)
Therein lies the problem. Any act that is demonic, any act that cannot be coped with or understood, be it making a chaste woman behave strangely or have an Islamic Jihadi turn his gun on innocent Pakistani children, is by definition a possession by the sinister "Hindu"/Indian evil entity. If such a transference cannot be accomplished in the national conversation, then the fundamental purity of the nation of the pure, the raison d'etre of its existence, is shaken to its foundation.
And that's too much of self-doubt for a nation to put up with.
Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge is a thousand weeks old.
That's a long time.
To put it in perspective, a thousand weeks ago, Narendra Modi was a small-time politician in Gujarat, Kohli was eight years old, Vinod Kambli still had a future and I was in first year.
My how days fly.
And yet it seems to be just yesterday that we were introduced to the great patriot Baldev Singh (Amrish Puri), who tracks pigeons from Punjab so great is his desh-bhakti, but who, despite the deep rumblings for mitti ki khusboo, never visits his desh, perhaps because he is too busy looking at "goree teeetli" and drinking Black Dog, (Ok wrong film), his wife the beatific Lajjo, an anthropomorphism of ghee and aloo parathas, their well-fed daughter Simran with a proclivity for dancing in the rain in itsy-bitsy skirts, Raj Malhotra, the character that would be played by the actor, Shahrukh Khan, for the next twenty years in more or less every film, and his father, played by Anupam Kher, who would beat Sonia Gandhi hands down as the parent of the century.
It seems to be just yesterday that DDLJ came into our lives.
As is the fashion today, it is deemed very cool to diss 80s and 90s Bollywood, not just for the technical shoddiness, but for being "politically incorrect" and "downmarket". DDLJ, I am told, is a particularly insidious narrative that sanitizes "Hindu patriarchy", with much to be read into the "handing off" of Simran from Baldev Singh to Raj Malhotra, and the fact that the character Raj Malhotra chooses to not "rebel" against the regressive status-quo but instead finds his place in it.
Now I want to say a lot of things in response, but I am not going to, for the simple reason that I cannot be objective about DDLJ.
So I brush these barbs off with a gallant "bade bade deshon mein aisi choti choti baatein hotee rahetee hai".
So yeah. It's not a cinematic classic. Kajol screeches, Shahrukh Khan hams, and so do many other people in that hyper-animated bubbly style that was typical of the age and which still survives in New York Life insurance ads and the story is predictable and trite and it did inspire a zombie apocalypse of NRI Punjabi movies for more than the next decade.
I will give you that.
But that does not make it any the less great.
For it was the tapestry from which, those of us that were young in the 90s, stole bits of our life.
When we wanted to propose but were afraid of ruining a friendship, we would do it "as a joke", gauge her reaction, and then laugh it away if things don't look too good.
Just like they do in DDLJ.
When we wanted to test the waters, we would do the whole "What if you have fallen in love, with someone like me?" hypothetical scenario-playing.
Just like they do in DDLJ.
When the girl walked away in a Durga Pujo pandal after making an eye-contact or two, we would lean against the bamboo barricade and whisper to the heavens "Palat".
Just like they do in DDLJ.
Did I forget anything?
Of course I did.
The music.
"Na Jaane Mere Dil Ko Kya Ho Gya" for that time you saw her dance in the college fest. "Yeh dil ki baat apnee dil mein dabake rakhna" for every crush that dare not be revealed. "Jadoo sa jaise koi chalne laga hai, main kya karoon yeh dil machalne laga hai" for those wet-wet-towel-clinging twinkle-toe moments.
The sound-track of our hearts. That's what it used to be.
And now, now it has become a time-capsule, to gaze at and fondly remember.
For frozen in it, are moments from a thousand weeks ago, of bunking classes and going in a group to Priya (or Naveena) to see DDLJ first week, of ooh-ing and aah-ing, and then having egg roll on the way back, with my head in the cloud, a spring in my step, and a whole world ahead to dream in.
Here's to how we used to be.
Here's to the next thousand.


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Examining the raging debate: risks v. benefits and parents' right to make choices about their child v. the needs of a community.
FRONTLINE reports from Iraq on the miscalculations and mistakes behind the brutal rise of ISIS.
With Yemen in chaos, a gripping report from the heart of the escalating conflict.
No one who has seen this documentary can ever forget it . One critic said it has the power "to shake the soul."
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The Oregon paper, the Register Guard has an extensive on-line archive
of materials related to the Thurston High shootings, which includes all
the stories reported in the paper about the shooting, Kip Kinkel's sentencing
hearing, the victims, and the community's response, plus a picture gallery and a memorial issue of the school paper.
The Washington Post provides a timeline of recent cases of juvenile
violence that includes the school shooting cases.
The National School Safety Center provides a more detailed report on "school
associated violent deaths."
Salon.com provides extensive coverage of the ongoing debates sparked by the
school shootings, including issues of gun control, the internet, violent
music, and adolescent alienation.
On June 13, 1999, in direct response to the Thurston shooting, President
Clinton directed the Department of Education and the Department of Justice to
develop an early warning guide to help "adults reach out to troubled children
quickly and effectively." This report is the result. It provides, among other
things, a list of warning signs for potentially violent children and principles
for using that list in a way that does't unnecessarily stigmatize troubled
Violence prevention resources for parents, educators and communities. These
resources are designed to help teachers and parents help kids cope in the
aftermath of a tragedy.
This site, hosted by the FamilyEducation Network, features articles, a form
with experts discussing school violence, and links to more online school safety
tips and resources for parents.
This article by the American Psychological Association advises parents on how
to help children resist violent behavior, and how to tell if they are at
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Cleaning Grease off your backsplash
stir_fryiApril 15, 2010
I have a lovely matte ceramic tile backsplash behind the stove. When the sun shines into the kitchen I can see spots of grease on the tile. I tried Fantastic (supposedly cuts grease) but it really didn't work that well.
I saw Dawn Power Disolver in the grocery store -- but it sounds really harsh.
Any suggestions for getting grease off my tiles?


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Last week's "fame and shame" about the high percentage of Campylobacter-contaminated fresh chickens sold by retail stores in the United Kingdom is being followed by renewed discussions about interventions their poultry industry should try to reduce the U.K.'s most common cause of bacterial gastrointestinal disease. Those discussions, say experts, could see the UK at least… Continue Reading
United Kingdom
UK Stores Pressured to Reduce Campylobacter on Fresh Whole Chicken
The Consumers' Association in the United Kingdom, which goes by the brand name Which?, is following up on the recent release of fresh whole chicken Campylobacter contamination rates by supermarket chain by asking chief executives what they are going to do about it. As promised, at the end of a year-long study, the UK's Food… Continue Reading
UK Sales of Chicken Decline, Possibly Due to Campylobacter News
Grocery purchases of chicken in the United Kingdom have declined nearly 7 percent by volume and 4 percent by sales since this time last year. Experts are speculating that the public has been influenced by media coverage of the high levels of Campylobacter contamination found on raw chicken, according to meatinfo.co.uk. Media coverage related to… Continue Reading
UK Retailer Introduces 'Campylobacter Challenge'
Major British retailer Marks & Spencer has introduced a plan to take on the poultry industry's longstanding problems with illnesses related to Campylobacter, a foodborne bacterium that causes diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal pain and fever. In August, the U.K. Food Standards Agency reported that it found Campylobacter on 59 percent of fresh, whole store-bought chicken. Campylobacter… Continue Reading
Scotland's Food Safety Challenges Remain Regardless of Vote Outcome
Scots will continue to have an appetite for porridge and kippers after yesterday's independence vote, but also remaining despite the outcome are Scotland's food safety challenges. Foodborne illnesses strike about 132,000 Scots annually, sending 2,330 to hospitals and causing about 50 deaths. Who gets the bill for those damages — about 140 million British pounds… Continue Reading
New Food Police Unit Coming Soon to the UK
An independent report suggesting that the United Kingdom needs a special food police unit uses the Danes and the Dutch as examples and not the United States, where more than a dozen food industry executives this year have been subjected to investigations resulting in felony criminal charges. Professor Chris Elliott from Queen's University Belfast is… Continue Reading
Baby Formula Recalled in UK After Newborn Death
Liquid food for premature newborns that was distributed in the United Kingdom is under an urgent recall after being linked to the death of one child and blood poisoning in 14 others, according to The Guardian. The affected formula, administered to newborns in hospitals, was delivered to 22 healthcare facilities. The 15 children suffered from… Continue Reading
UK: Settlements Reached in 2009 Godstone Farm E. Coli Outbreak
Ten children with emotional and physical scars that will likely be with them for life are among those who have reached settlements following the 2009 E. coli outbreak at England's Godstone Farm. "These children have all had painful and frightening experiences," said London's High Court Judge Colin Mackay. "I cannot think of anything more ghastly… Continue Reading
UK Pig Inspection Rule Changes Open For Public Comment
In June of this year, the European Union will introduce new rules for pig meat inspections designed to minimize the risk of bacterial contamination on pork. The United Kingdom's Food Standards Agency announced last week that it is requesting comments on the practical application of changes required by the rules. These comments are being solicited… Continue Reading
U.K. Going After Poultry Problem With Changes in Technology and Culture
Campylobacter is the pathogen making most people sick in the United Kingdom and, earlier this week, the U.K.'s Food Standards Agency (FSA) formally agreed to target the problem at its principal source: poultry production. FSA has decided to require reporting of campylobacter levels all along the supply chain, dropping regulatory barriers to the adoption of… Continue Reading


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Canon Inc. (CAJ): Today's Featured Consumer Durables Loser
By TheStreet Wire | 06/26/12 - 05:01 PM EDT
Canon ( CAJ) pushed the Consumer Durables industry lower today making it today's featured Consumer Durables loser. The industry as a whole closed the day up 0.2%. By the end of trading, Canon fell 63 cents (-1.6%) to $38.62 on average volume. Throughout the day, 431,347 shares of Canon exchanged hands as compared to its average daily volume of 329,500 shares. The stock ranged in price between $38.46-$39.01 after having opened the day at $38.72 as compared to the previous trading day's close of $39.25. Other company's within the Consumer Durables industry that declined today were: Cobra Electronics Corporation ( COBR), down 4.3%, Furniture Brands International ( FBN), down 4.3%, Virco Manufacturing Corporation ( VIRC), down 3.5%, and Sealy ( ZZ), down 3.4%.
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Babbage: April 1st 2015: Here be monsters
Science and technology
Psychology: All power tends to corrupt
But power without status corrupts absolutely26
After Harry Potter, Captain America is the summer's new hero8
Hitler and Stalin: The Q&A: Timothy Snyder, historian
A conversation with the author of a revisionist history of the best kind8
"Mein Kampf": Imagining a young Hitler
The film "Mein Kampf" offers a compelling origination myth4
The bureaucrat and the human condition: Bureaucracy in America
Whether in the Eastern bloc of 1957 or America of 2011, bureaucrats will use their power to its fullest54
The Duchess of Devonshire: Discreet charm of the aristocracy
The youngest of the Mitford sisters tells her own story2
Africa's young people: Go ahead Hitler, Makmende
New ways for young people in Africa to challenge the elite2
Mass murder: History and its woes
How Stalin and Hitler enabled each other's crimes487
His Struggle: Glenn Beck's Hitler fetish
Guess who else was an autodidact? Just sayin'44
Politics, regulation, financial markets and inequality: Marxism? Give me a break
Playing the Marxist card is as fatuous as playing the Hitler card66
The history of historians: Not so ropey
A historian created and destroyed by Hitler3
Wolfgang Wagner, custodian of the Bayreuth Festival, died on March 21st, aged 901
Europe.view: The end of history, revisited
The ex-communist states of eastern Europe are leaving their pasts behind68
History of Italian fascism: Not just Hitler's fool
A mistress's diary shows Benito Mussolini was a rabid anti-Semite28
Europe.view: Mentioning the war
What Vladimir Putin should have said in Gdansk32
Criminalising historical investigation is wrong27
Lexington: Still crazy after all these years
The perils of losing one's grip on reality307
Andrew Roberts on the second world war: The road to hell
A British historian argues that Hitler lost the war for the same reason that he unleashed it—because he was a Nazi53
Atheists are simply not as fundamentalist as the fundamentalists105
Europe.view: Partners in crime
Despite Russia's protests, Stalin was no less villainous than Hitler69
The fine line between disagreement and propaganda27
What's on the conservative mind at Conservapedia?11
Celebrating Hitler's death5
Babbage: April 1st 2015: Here be monsters
Science and technology
The Walking Dead: Alive and slashing
Flash fiction: Short and sweet
Election 2015: The daily take: Playing to the gallery
Greece's cash crunch: Running out of room
The ZERO movement: Bearable lightness
: Retail sales, producer prices, wages and exchange rates
Markets and data
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The University of Richmond Spiders baseball team clubbed 22 hits en route to a 23-7 thrashing of Cornell at the newly renovated Pitt Field on Tuesday afternoon.
Richmond tied for eighth at the Middleburg Bank Intercollegiate, hosted by William & Mary at the Plantation Course of Kingsmill Resort in Williamsburg, Va.
Be sure to check back frequently for photos and videos of the Pitt Field renovation that is scheduled to be completed in the spring.
The baseball team plays its first home game at the newly renovated Pitt Field Tuesday hosting Cornell at 3 p.m.
Freshman Matthew Lowe shot a one-under 71 on Monday to lead Richmond in the final round of the Seahawk Intercollegiate.
Senior Emily Doyle and freshman Kim Egizi were honored by the Atlantic 10 Conference from their weekend play today.
Richmond Athletics has teamed up with the It's On Us campaign to stand up to domestic violence.
Richmond men's basketball freshmen Chandler Diekvoss and Kadeem Smithen will be transferring from the program.
After helping the Richmond Spiders baseball team to a perfect 4-0 week, freshman OF Kyle Adams was named the Atlantic 10 Rookie of the Week on Monday, the league office announced.
Junior David Germann shot a career-low 68 (-4) in the second round of the Seahawk Intercollegiate
The Spiders defeated A-10 rival Davidson, 6-1, and non-conference foe UMBC, 4-2.
The University of Richmond Spiders baseball team completed a three-game sweep of its Atlantic 10 series with the Fordham Rams on Sunday afternoon with a 15-5 victory at Captains Park in Newport News, Va.


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Please join me for Coffee with the Mayor on Friday, December 14, 2012 at 7:30 a.m. We will meet in the Resource Center at St. Clare Hospital, 4908 112th Street SW, in Lakewood.
Our guest speaker will be South Sound 911 Project Manager Jim Sharp who will give a presentation on South Sound 911.
If you have any questions, please contact Deanne Wegmann at (253) 589-2489. I hope to see you there!
Mayor Douglas G. Richardson


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Company Details
- Aleris qualifies to supply Boeing from Zhenjiang, China Aerospace Manufacturing and Design
- Centerbridge and Oaktree increase stake in Billabong Shop Eat Surf Main News
- Real Alloy is new name for former Aleris alloys business Recycling Today News
- Signature Group Holdings Closes GRSA Acquisition Becomes Global Leader In Third-Party Aluminum Recyc PR Newswire - Energy
- Allegion to Acquire Zero International, Add Recognized Brand to New Construction Solutions Portfolio BusinessWire Technology News
- Dallas private equity fund makes big real estate buy in Scottsdale Bizjournals Residential Real Estate
- HETCO Completes Sale of Hess's Interest to Funds Managed by Oaktree Business Wire Professional Services News
- Oaktree closes HETCO deal, trader renamed to Hartree Partners Reuters - Markets - Deals
- Landshire selling sandwich-making, wholesale operations Bizjournals Manufacturing News
- AdvancePierre announces new acquisition, says more deals to come The Middletown Journal - News
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"A wonderful place to work,like a tight knit family. "
- Comp & Benefits
- Work/Life Balance
- Senior Management
- Career Opportunities
I have been working at Swedish Covenant
The people are outstanding.Swedish promotes compassion and is very proud of it's employees.
Because it is a non for profit Hospital it is not as competitive with pay.
- Any Location
- Any Job Title
"My 2 years at Swedish were less than satisfactory "
- Comp & Benefits
- Work/Life Balance
- Senior Management
- Career Opportunities
I worked at Swedish CovenantPros
If you live in the north side of Chicago,it is close to home.Being a hospital,easy access to DoctorsCons
Very bureaucratic,not very performance oriented,a small hospital and thus less opportunities to grow.If you are ambitious and want to move ahead,unfortunately not the place to be.Advice to ManagementAdvice
Recognize people's talents and not who you know at the Hospital.Need to share more information with employees and benefits are sub par.Doesn't RecommendDisapproves of CEO
I have been working at Swedish CovenantPros
you work with a great group of individuals and there is a genuine family atmosphere in many of the patient care units.Cons
The hourly rate when compared to other hospitals on the north-side is lacking. It also sounds like the attendance and tardiness policy is continually changing so some staff are complaining that its impossible to figure out where you stand if you need to take an emergency day off.Advice to ManagementAdvice
How about a real cafeteria?RecommendsApproves of CEO


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Nifty Napkins
We all know that while delicious, Thanksgiving dinner can get a bit messy. Gooey mashed potatoes, hot gravy, buttery casseroles, slippery turkey – you get the picture.
Keep your laps clean and liven up your holiday table by going for colorful cloth napkins, festive tea towels and decorative dish cloths instead of the flimsy paper version. Your guests, and their clothes, will thank you.
Clockwise from left:
tag chevron napkin $22 set of four, The Secret Place
Target Home dish towel $3.99, Target
Hen House Linens large napkin $26, Nest
Threshold plaid napkin $9.99 set of four, Target
Hen House Linens large napkin $26, Nest
Herringbone stripe napkin $3.99, World Market
April Cornell napkin $28.95 set of four, Two Loons
Canyon stripe napkin $3.99, World Market
What Happens to Your Digital Assets When You Die?
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Descodificando el Mercado Mexicano (Decoding the Mexican Market)
What follows are some of the authentic products locals can find at La Popular and ...
The List: 15 Things You Need to Eat and Drink in 2015
Don't let 2015 pass without trying all 15 of these suggestions.
Andy and T Price of Real Food Café on Sixth Street share their favorite at-home ...


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- The Five Day Bribe
Self Promotion Item
Getting your foot in the door isn't easy, so create a self-promotional item that will help you to sell yourself to a design agency, with the aim of getting a work placement.
One of the best ways to persuade someone to do something is through a bribe, so my solution was to bribe the agency in a comical and humorous way, but not just one bribe that they may enjoy and remember for 30 seconds then throw away. A new bribe sitting on their desk every morning for when they arrive at work, AKA the Five Day Bribe.DAY ONE begins with a nice simple traditionally styled bag of sweets to tempt their sweet tooth. The bag is lined with my CV and a business card is attached to the sweets. The slogan used suggesting that they can have a pretty sweet designer who can create a positive effect, just like the sweets.
- On DAY TWO if they have not gotten back to me I offer them a six-pack of refreshing cold beers. The copy that features enforces the point of me being a young and refreshing designer whilst still in keeping with the theme of the bribe.
- On DAY THREE if I've still not heard anything back from the agency, I step up the game. They will receive a small brown package with a wad of '£50 notes' in. The counterfeit money features my face and my details on the back, with the idea of the bribe suggesting that I can be cheap labor for their agency, whilst again still in keeping with the theme of the bribe.
- By DAY FOUR if I've still not had a response from the agency, I take the bribe to the extreme and give them 'my left kidney' to show them how determined and audacious I can be. In a humorous way it shows the lengths I will go to, using the old saying of 'giving your left kidney' to get something you really want.
- On the FINAL DAY if I've still not heard anything back, the bribes clearly aren't working! So I make one final attempt to sell myself to them and to try and bargain for just five minutes of their time for a chat. I enclose another copy of my CV just in case they fancied finally giving it a read after hopefully being impressed by the bribes.


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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Humanitarian, compassionate decisions in immigration cases no longer shielded from review
Ruling hailed by advocates
Visa officers' humanitarian and compassionate decisions are no longer shielded from review, thanks to a Federal Court of Appeal decision on a Winnipeg case.
"It's a fantastic decision," said Vancouver immigration lawyer Steven Meurrens.
Immigration lawyers across Canada have been waiting for the recent decision in the Habtenkiel case. Meurrens said it could have slammed the door shut on humanitarian and compassionate appeals. "Now it's swung the other way."
Ironically, the young woman whose case shone the light on a catch-22 in the immigration system didn't win her appeal to come to Canada.
The case involved Raheal Habtenkiel, born out of wedlock and whose father, Issak Habtenkiel, didn't list her among his children when he and his wife applied to come to Canada in 2009. Cultural shame kept the Eritrean Orthodox Christian couple from acknowledging his 13-year-old daughter.
After he came to Canada and his wife had a change of heart about accepting his daughter, Issak Habtenkiel applied to sponsor Raheal to join them in Winnipeg. He paid hundreds of dollars in legal fees and for DNA testing proving Raheal was his child.
His 2011 application was turned down based on the notorious "excluded-family-member" rule. An immigration regulation imposes a lifetime ban on sponsorship of a family member if they are not examined by an immigration officer when the sponsor immigrates to Canada.
If a child or a spouse isn't recorded for whatever reason -- the sponsor got bad advice, had a bad interpreter, or didn't understand the rules -- they're not considered family members in the eyes of Citizenship and Immigration Canada.
In 2012, Raheal applied to come to Canada on humanitarian and compassionate grounds. She submitted letters from her father and his wife, copies of emails from her half-siblings in Winnipeg, from the priest at her dad's church in Winnipeg, from her school in Khartoum, Sudan and a letter from her mother giving up guardianship to her father. A visa officer interviewed her but didn't feel there were strong enough humanitarian and compassionate reasons for the girl to join her dad.
The Habtenkiels applied to the Federal Court for a judicial review but faced a "catch-22" situation, explained their lawyer, Bashir Khan.
A person can't apply for a federal judicial review of the visa officer's decision until all appeals have been exhausted, but a person can't file for an appeal over the Immigration Appeal Division's refusal to hear it. The division won't review a case on the basis of humanitarian and compassionate considerations unless it involves a family member. Because Raheal isn't considered a family member, it wouldn't hear her appeal.
If an immigration officer is given the discretion for humanitarian and compassionate reasons to overrule a decision, it's important somebody is overlooking that person's decision, said Meurrens in Vancouver.
The Federal Court of Appeal agreed.
Its July 25 decision means applicants who are refused under the excluded-family-member rule may now seek judicial review of visa officers' decisions without having to first appeal to the Immigration Appeal Division, Meurrens said this week.
Khan said it's good others won't face the same catch-22, but doubts a judicial review will help many.
It's very rare for the Federal Court not to side with a visa officer's decision, he said.
The Federal Court of Appeal backed the decision of the visa officer in the Habtenkiels' case.
"The court said 'We agree with the visa officer -- there's nothing special here,' " said Khan.
Khan said the visa officer failed to consider the evidence submitted, deal with the best interests of the child, the principle of family unification, or consider a similar case of cultural shame where a child wasn't declared but later allowed to join their sponsoring parent in Canada.
"This is an unfair decision," he said.
The Habtenkiels can't afford to appeal the decision to the Supreme Court, he said.
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 9, 2014 A19
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By Hayley H. Austin, TX — May 16, 2014 12:55pm
Saw your inspiring story on the Austin news today. From one Longhorn to another,congrats on graduating from the best university in the world! You are truly amazing and I can't wait to see what wonderful things are in store for you. HOOK'EM! :)
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HiFiMAN Upgrades a Mobile Classic RE400i now for iPhoneNovember 19th, 2014
Company's Popular In-Ear Phone Gains iPhone Capability Yet Remains at Same Price
Company's Popular In-Ear Phone Gains iPhone Capability Yet Remains at Same Price
Versatile Design Accepts Multiple Sources and Can Drive Headphones and Speakers
Three New Compact Models Offer Flexibility and Musicality For Music Lovers On-The-Go
Colorific™ HC1200 Delivers Industry Standard sRGB Color Precision and Doubles ANSI Contrast Levels for More Accurate, Crisp, and Long-Lasting Image Quality
New hires will oversee broad range of tasks and report to engineering VP Mark Mason
Demonstrations of MartinLogan's New Statement-Class Curvilinear Hybrid Electrostatic Loudspeakers to kick off at Overture Ultimate Home Electronics in Wilmington, DE
TAVES: #8 Linden Room
New partnership showcase's Bluesound's commitment to wireless high-res audio streaming.
STOW, OH, October 28, 2014 – There's nothing like listening to your favorite music through great-sounding headphones for a totally immersive sonic experience. And when it comes to high-quality sound, nobody is as passionate about headphones as Audio-Technica. This holiday season, Audio-Technica makes giving the gift of music easy, fun and affordable with its stylish, smartphone-compatible SonicFuel® ATH-CKX5iS and ATH-AX1iS, SonicSport® ATH-CKP200iS and QuietPoint® ATH-ANC70 noise-cancelling headphones
Gefen Expands Portfolio of 4K Ultra HD Infrastructure Solutions


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Pakistan v Yemen World Cup qualifier postponed after Lahore bombings
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 12:50
By Mark Baber
March 17 - FIFA has postponed the Pakistan v Yemen World Cup qualifier, which had been scheduled for today, following Sunday's twin bombings aimed at Christians in Lahore.
Read more...
Ukraine's Poroshenko calls for Russia 2018 boycott
Russia 2018
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 11:54
By Andrew Warshaw
March 17 - Ukraine's government is back on the offensive over a potential boycott of the 2018 World Cup in Russia with organisers countering that such a move would be doomed to failure.
Read more...
Ghana FA call in police after reports of players betting on own matches
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 12:08
March 17 - The Ghana Football Association (GFA) has reported a number of players to law enforcement agencies over allegations they bet on their own team to lose.
Read more...
Claws out in Hull as Tigers name change is back on agenda
Premier League
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 12:15
March 17 - English Premier League club Hull City have been given the go-ahead to change their name to Hull Tigers next season - a move that seems bound to infuriate diehard fans of the club.
Read more...
NY Cosmos make history as first team to travel to Cuba since 1999
Football Americas
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 06:45
By Paul Nicholson
March 17 - The New York Cosmos, one of the world's most iconic football club names, has announced that they will travel to Cuba for a friendly match against the Cuban national team on June 2. The Cosmos will be the first professional sports team to play in Cuba since 1999.
Read more...
Man Utd roll the dice with bwin casino launch
Premier League
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 04:25
March 17 - Manchester United have launched their own on-line casino in partnership with the club's online gaming and betting partner bwin. Played online and via an app, the 3D casino is set against the backdrop of Old Trafford.
Read more...
Matt Scott: QPR's past failure to cut costs would make life after relegation a real battle
Matt Scott
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 03:36
"Economy is half the battle of life; it is not so hard to earn money as to spend it well."
Charles Spurgeon
Charles Spurgeon was the 19th Century preacher whose sermons taught millions of Victorian Londoners how to apply Christian virtues to life in an often-Hogarthian city. His mark was far from permanent: Spurgeon's famous fondness for self-restraint has hardly left behind a city steeped in self-denial. He would no doubt be dismayed by a nation that has responded to the financial crisis by gorging itself on debt.
Read more...
FIFA backs down in rumble over jungle city of Manaus hosting Olympic football
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 02:19
By David Owen
March 17 - FIFA has backed down over the inclusion of the Amazonian city of Manaus on the list of venues for the Rio 2016 Olympic football tournaments.
Read more...
Levski take to the road with fund raising share sale
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 12:43
By Alexander Krassimirov
March 17 - Bulgaria's Levski Sofia have begun a national roadshow to sell the 'Levski is yours' fundraising campaign. Jointly organised by the supporters trust Blue Bulgaria and the National supporters club of Levski, the tour will include 18 two-day events around the country as the club bids to broaden its ownership base.
Read more...
Telecom Italia dial in for more Serie A sponsorship through to 2018
Published on Tuesday, 17 March 2015 04:36
By Jaroslaw Adamowski
March 16 - Serie A has extended its long-running sponsorship with Telecom Italia. The Italian top tier will partner with the company, through its mobile phone brand TIM, until 2018.
Read more...
Twitter rankings: Man Utd spank their City neighbours, Chelsea remain chirpy
Social media
Published on Monday, 16 March 2015 07:29
By Paul Nicholson
March 16 – Manchester United continued their dominance of the Premier League Twitter chart for the fourth consecutive week, putting on more than 44,000 new followers, more than 7,000 more than nearest rivals Chelsea and Arsenal.
Read more...
Kenyan Premier League beats federation in court and can return to play
Published on Monday, 16 March 2015 12:53
By Mark Baber
March 16 - The attempt by the Kenyan Football Federation (FKF) to put an end to the Kenyan Premier League (KPL) by taking matters to the civil courts was defeated comprehensively in the Kenyan High Court this morning as the Judge ruled the FKF does not have the capacity to sue.
Read more...
Spanish tax police close in on Barca over Neymar tax scam
Published on Monday, 16 March 2015 12:40
March 16 - Barcelona may be holding on to their lead in La Liga but off the field the club have become ever more deeply embroiled in the Neymar tax fraud case.
Read more...
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Royal confusion as Prince Ali seeks top down pressure for votes
Rooney home video proves a 2.34m knock-out on Youtube
FIFA steps up its game as Russia's racist record comes under painful scrutiny
Blatter pushes on Qatar workers' rights as 2022 date announcement nears
Parma punished on and off the pitch with a 5-point losing weekend
Kenyan crisis: KPL officials walk free from court as FIFA exposes federation's lies
UEFA complain lawmaker's 'triple' bypass takes heart out the game
Germans at war: Niersbach victory as he is cleared of Zwanziger complaint
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Read by Stig Wemyss
13-Storey Treehouse, The
(Treehouse) by Andy Griffiths
13th Warning, The
by R.L. Stine
26-Storey Treehouse, The
(Treehouse) by Andy Griffiths
290, The
by Scott O'Dell
3 Pandas Planting
by Megan Halsey
Abby Carnelia's One and Only Magical Power
by David Pogue
Above World
(Above World) by Jenn Reese
Adam Canfield the Last Reporter
(The Slash Series) by Michael Winerip
Adults Only
by Morris Gleitzman
Adventures of Benny, The
by Steve Shreve
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