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Singapore Hokkien Mee
Køkken69 is a Singaporean food blog. Authored by Shirley, a chemist by day, Køkken69 is a gorgeous blog chocked full of delicious Asian dishes, pastry recipes, and travel tales as Shirley travels around the world. While Shirley says that she approaches every recipe on her site like an experiment, I personally think that she is a talented home cook, and a fantastic food photographer. Please welcome Køkken69 to Rasa Malaysia and learn more about the Singaporean version of Hokkien Mee!
It is too old fashioned to proclaim that I am honoured to be invited by super star food blogger, Bee to do a guest post for her immensely successful blog, Rasa Malaysia. Unfortunately, for my lack of eloquence, that is probably the best way to sum up my thrill and appreciation for this opportunity.
Excited as I might be, I was also plagued with a bugging concern over what else I can bring to a blog that is already so rich in content. I doubt that there is any Malaysian/ Singaporean dish that has not been featured on Rasa Malaysia already…
I was literally at the cusp of exasperation when I recall a dish which I have been told is not available in Malaysia. Fried Hokkien Mee, literally translates to mean noodles,fried Fujian style. Fujian (Hokkien) is a province in Southern China. Most of the Chinese residing in Malaysia and Singapore have roots originating from the Fujian province. Hence, Fujian/Hokkien cuisine and way of cooking tend to feature prominently in the local chinese food here.
Despite being close neighbours, Singapore and Malaysia frequently have their competitive moments. Some trivial, some not so… Both nations are fierce food lovers and there have been countless debates on who has better food and who should lay claim to ownership of a particular dish… There are, as far as I can recall 2 versions of Hokkien Mee in Malaysia. Hokkien Char mee from Kuala Lumpur is a fried yellow noodle dish braised in dark soya sauce. Penang Hokkien Prawn Noodles is another yellow noodle dish served in a rich spicy and flavourful prawn broth. The Singapore Fried Hokkien Mee featured here, is a variant of the Penang Prawn Noodles.
A mixture of yellow noodles and thick rice vermicelli ,first fried with eggs until fragrant and braised in rich, flavourful prawn broth, the Singapore Fried Hokkien Mee is served semi-dry and garnished with prawns, squid, sliced pork belly, chives and eaten with Sambal chilli and a squirt of lime juice.Traditionally, for take out, the Hokkien Mee would be wrapped in Opeh leaf. The Opeh leaf comes from the inner sheath of the bark of a Betel Nut tree. It could be nostalgia but I have always felt that food wrapped in an Opeh leaf smells better.
This is not a very difficult dish to cook, however it is pertinent that you work with a good prawn stock. The prawn stock imparts the essence to the noodle and is the key ingredient that makes the bland-looking dish flavourful. The sambal and lime juice cuts through the richness of the dish to balance an otherwise heavy starchy dish.
I hope you enjoy this local Singaporean local dish as much as I have enjoyed cooking it for this guest post.
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24 comments... read them below or add one
I've never seen opeh leave in Malaysia…I wonder what's the smell it imparts to the dish. Is it like banana leaf?
Well done ,Shirley! The noodles look delish, and served in "my" favourite bowl too. ;)
Bee, I was pleasantly woken up at 6:30am here in Goa by your email! Thank you so much for the opportunity. I wish the photographs had turned out better but more importantly, I hope this post will let more people outside learn about this scrumptious noodle dish in Singapore. I am proud to be a Singaporean and I hope everyone will get a chance to come over to experience the great food here.
Ju, Thanks!
Rina- Yes, the Opeh leaf works in the same way as the banana leaf but is less ' green' and raw. It is, in my opinion a little more woody than the banana leaf. Ah, I am lost for words… you have to come and experience for yourself. However not many stalls are using these anymore. Let me know if you want to know which stalls still have it.
I have had this in one singaporean restaurant in sydney and I absolutely loved it. Thank you so much for sharing this recipe. Finally I can try to recreate it at home.
I have tried all the version of Hokkien Mee and found the best one is fried with dark soya sauce :)
No matter the food is from Singapore or Malaysia, let the taste do the talking :D
Thanks for letting me know. I'll try to find opeh leaf in KL, wish me luck. Just curious as to what it does to the dish.
being a singaporean living overseas, i am always in search for recipes that reminds me of home. Blogging has heap heaps. I am glad to see this recipe here. Off to collect some prawn heads/shells! This looks far healthier than what we buy in SG too.
wow! this is my absolute favourite and it's so hard to get it right, whether it's eating out in China or making my own. I only attempted it once but it was too wet. would it be tastier to deep fry the pork belly bits (ju yao) with the prawns together before throwing them into the stock?
More room for experiments! thanks for sharing!
Baobabs- definitely! Add some ju Yao zhar, it would improve the taste immensely! :)
OH yes, to cook this dish, need to start planning early: Start collecting those prawn heads! Heee heee! That's the key!
congrats, Shirley! what a great looking Hokkein mee, and served in Opeh leaves, no less =)
Hi Shirley,
I would love to try cooking this for my family one day. I do have a small request….Do you happen to have the recipe for the sambal chilli too ? I have tried making it many times but unsuccessful. Would really appreciate if you could share the recipe. Thanks a million.
Hi Asbejna, in fact I do have a recipe for the chilli sambal that goes with this. It is too lengthy to write it here. Could you email me directly at email@example.com
It looks delicious and I'll definately have a try. For how many persons is this recipe?
I live in canada but am still hook on Hainese chicken rice that I used to buy from cross street. appreciate if somone can get me that recipe.
I left S'pore 30 yrs ago and havde not been back.
Curious; anyone know how many this feeds?
Greetings, As a green and naive young lad in the British Army in 1968 I was posted to Terendak, an Army base close to Melaka or Malacca as my travel voucher read then, the aircraft landed at Changi, Singapore late at night and then by lorry to a now forgotten hotel near Colliers Quay – First impressions? the undescribable odour combined with the humidity as we deplaned onto the runway, no jetways then, the air was like soup after two days in the airconditioned plane, wonderful. Early up to be escorted to the railway station for the slow train to Ipoh – or was it Seramban? can't remember, but I was fascinated by the fact that when you flushed the loo you could see the railway bed flashing by as the flap in the loo pan opened. Being a lowly Private soldier my ticket was for second class and I was trying to be the cool International traveller while my fellow passengers completely ignored me. Everybody was eating. and nothing that I could recognize either, there was this man with a huge gold tooth dressed in a white shirt and blue shorts coming in and out of the carriage serving plates of steaming food so I figured he was in charge and timidly asked him in my English accent for a menu, he said something which I couldn't understand but was obviously a question so rather than just ask again in a louder voice I pointed to the guy across the aisle who was eating something that looked a little like Spaghetti Bolognaise i.e safe. The gentleman amazed me by speaking English, " ok Johnny, I bring, two dollah" my addiction to Mee was born.
HI… I just found this recipe for the first time and elated is an understatement. Been living in Australia for too long and I would order this everywhere I go whenever I'm in Singapore. I need to clarify … you mentioned uncooked prawn shells and prawn heads, weren't they already fried in the oil and put into the chicken stock? Or do you not use all of the heads and shells from the 400g of prawns? …. Thanks, Michelle
Hi, I'm a beginner cook from Australia, I'm originally Malaysian and have grown up on this dish, LOVE it! Unfortunately haven't attempted Hokkien mee yet! This recipe looks so darn simple for something which tastes a looks that good! But, just a little question, I intend to make this for a family for four, how many serves does this recipe make? Thanks!!
I've eaten tons of Hokien fried prawn mee all over Singapore. I'm most grateful for this recipe as I'm now in England – the result of Karmic punishment. The problem here is ingredients, can't find the right noodles and the prawns are lousy – always farm rubbish from Vietnam or worse Bangladesh which smell of sweaty socks and have their weight increased by someone injecting water into each prawn. I'll just have to do the best I can with what's available.
Thanks Bee. It looks delicious but how about the chilli recipe for this.
Thank you so much for sharing this recipe. Will definetly try this at home :) seems mouthwatering :)


text: back Diversity Week offers campus-wide events 11.09.2012 Illinois College is holding its first-ever Diversity Week, November 12-16, offering campus-wide events that provide opportunities to explore different aspects of diversity."We all have different views when it comes to diversity," Justin Mallett, director of diversity, says. "Yet, no matter where you come from, how you identify yourself, what opinions you have, you contribute to diversity." Throughout the week there will be events that celebrate diversity, from speeches, to movie night, to international cuisine in the cafeteria. "This is the time when the campus gets together and cherishes the diverse world that we all live in," Mallett says. Diversity Week is sponsored by the Coalition for Ethnic Awareness and the Office of Diversity and Multicultural Affairs. The list of co-sponsors includes Residential Life, Religious Life, Chartwells, The Rambler, Sociology Club, Forte, Sigma Tau Delta, International Sport House, SAGE, Japanese Floor, French Club and German Program. For more information contact Mallett at 217.245.3271 or email@example.com. Descriptions of Events: • MLK Oratorical Re-enactments Convocation (Sibert Theatre) 11a.m.to 12 p.m., Monday, November 12. This convocation will feature Stephon Ferguson who performs oratorical "re-enactments" of Martin Luther King's speeches. • Japanese Tea Ceremony Presentation and Demonstration Convocation (Kirby 6/ Lincoln Library and Multipurpose Room) 5 to 7p.m., Monday, November 12. The Coalition for Ethnic Awareness and Japanese Floor welcome Kimiko Gunji from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign to discuss and demonstrate a Japanese Tea Ceremony. • International Dance Workshop (Memorial Gym) 7 to 9 p.m., Monday, November 12, and 6 to 9 p.m., Friday, November 16. A two-part dance workshop featuring Latino, African, Irish, Japanese and Korean dances instructed by Illinois College's very own students. • German Movie Night (Spanish House) 7 to 8:30 p.m., Tuesday, November 13. Come watch a German movie for an exotic comedy experience. • Monet Painting Workshop (McGaw) 8.30 to 9.30 p.m., Tuesday, November 13. The French Club's annual Monet impressionism painting workshop. • Fair Trade Store (Room 29) 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., Wednesday, November 14.The Jacksonville Fair Trade Store will be on campus. Fair trade is an organized social movement that aims to help producers in developing countries to make better trading conditions and promote sustainability. Come check out products made from all over the world and support a good cause. • Workshop: Walking the Labyrinth (Rammelkamp) 11.15 a.m.to 12 p.m., Wednesday, November 14. What is a labyrinth? The labyrinth is a spiritual tool meant to awaken us to the deep rhythm that unites us to ourselves and the Light that calls from within. Come and find out more about this spiritual tool that people of many diverse faiths have walked. • Convocation: Around the World: Common Bonds in Uncommon Cultures (Sibert Theatre) 7.30 to 8.30 p.m., Wednesday, November 14. Illinois College students gather to share significant aspects of their cultures to the campus.• Special Olympics: Disabled Handball (Memorial Gym) 7 to 8 p.m., Thursday, November 15. An uncommon sport played in an uncommon way. Sponsored by the International Sport House. • Panel Discussion: Gender Controversies in Disney Movies (Kirby 110) 8to 9 p.m., Thursday, November 15. Join the Sociology Club in discussion on Disney princes and princesses and find out how your gender perceptions have and have not been shaped by the fairy tales. All week events:• Residential Hall Social: Proud-To-Be T-shirt Design. Rumor has it, if you have signed up. A free lime green T-shirt for you to design. What would you fill in the blank? Proud To Be … • Where do you come from? pamphlet. In a few sentences, one-page essays or poem, artwork and photo, tell us where you come from. Think broadly. • International menu (Cummings) International dishes that you would not have a chance to try otherwise. Good old location – Menutainment station in the cafeteria. back

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The Real Story of Brunello di Montalcino
April 28, 2012 at 1:26 pm 8 comments
Brunello di Montalcino, one of the world's most celebrated red wines, is particularly loved and appreciated in America. Approximately one in every four bottles of this wine is sold in this country, as consumers seemingly have identified Brunello as their favorite premium Italian wine. The fact that it's from Tuscany doesn't hurt, but it's also become a bit of a status symbol among American wine drinkers, even more so than its Italian counterparts, Barolo and Amarone.
Yet few consumers really know a great deal about this wine, the territory where it is produced or the individuals who make it. The Brunello marque is so strong, the identity of this wine so associated with grandeur, that few consumers can name more than a handful of estates that craft this wine. The fact that they can drink a bottle of Brunello is what's most important in the eyes of many.
Given this view, it's wonderful that Kerin O'Keefe has just written Brunello di Montalcino: Understanding and Appeciating one of Italy's Greatest Wines (312 pages, University of California Press, Berkeley, CA, $39.95). O'Keefe, an American who has been living in Italy since 1991, began writing about Italian wines a few years after that and today, is one of the world's leading journalists on the subject, contributing articles to such publications as Decanter and The World of Fine Wine among others. Personally, I have known Kerin for about a decade, when I first met her – appropriately enough – at a tasting in Montalcino. She is a trusted colleague and someone who willingly shares her knowledge and opinions.
O'Keefe's book is worthwhile on so many levels, combining an introduction to the area and its wines in general to a look at recent events and finally, detailed descriptions of a few dozen estates that she considers important as well as influential. One of the primary themes that she drives home in this work is that over the past three decades, the style of Brunello has undergone a serious change, at least with some producers. She writes about the introduction of French barriques – 225 liter barrels – that became fashionable for maturing Brunello in the 1980s and '90s (and still continues today to some extent). These casks are much smaller than the large oak barrels known as botti that were the traditional vessels used to age the wines in this area. As botti range in size from 20 to 60 hectoliter – or 2000 to 6000 liters – these casks gave far less wood influence to the wines, allowing for greater varietal character (Brunello di Montalcino must of course, be produced entirely from the Sangiovese grape).
The reason why some producers made the switch to the smaller barrels, according to the author, was to try and earn a high score from one of the influential wine publications that were rewarding California and French wines – as well as the infamous Super Tuscans made from international varieties – for their dark colors and super ripe fruit qualities. O'Keefe describes the characteristics of these barrique-aged wines as having "intense chocolate, vanilla and toast influences of new oak;" for the author, this was not beneficial for a wine made with Sangiovese, as the oak flavors "weighed down the variety's vibrant cherry-berry and mineral sensations." She is clearly opposed to barriques – she labels this trend in Montalcino as "the dark side" – and she also quotes area producers who explain why barriques significantly alter the true character of a Brunello, resulting in a loss of tradition as some producers opted for instant fame. (The author is also quick to point out that thankfully, there are still many estates that have stayed with the time-honored ways of producing Brunello.)
O'Keefe also goes into great detail about the infamous Brunello scandal of 2008, when it was reported that the prosecutor of Siena had charged four producers with using varieties other than Sangiovese in their Brunello. Given the deep ruby red and purple colors of some of the examples, journalists had been suspecting this for several years, but now here it was officially out in the open. Much was written over the past three years about this sorry affair (not all of it true); O'Keefe's account of this situation is the best version I have read, not only for its attention to detail, but also in its fairness (she lets one of the accused producers have his say about his winery's involvement).
Francesco Marone Cinzano, Proprietor, Col d'Orcia – Col d'Orcia is one of the leading producers of Brunello in the traditional style and one of the author's favorites. (Photo ©Tom Hyland)
The author takes a close look at the best producers of Brunello, organizing them by subzone and explaining why the best wines take on a sense of the local terroir. Among her favorites are companies such as Col d'Orcia, Poggio di Sotto, Lisini and Biondi-Santi (the author had previously penned a book on this last producer.) She writes about their particular conditions, both in the vineyards and the cellar and contributes a nice summary of the characteristics of each particular wine from these vintners. I love the fact that O'Keefe has omitted several famous Brunello producers, as they favor a modern approach not in step with her likes, while for some producers (such as Banfi), she includes them for their influence, but at the same time, takes them to task for their business practices as well as the style of their wines.
O'Keefe ends the book with a section entitled, "Beyond Brunello," in which she describes other wines of the area (Rosso di Montalcino, Sant'Antimo, e.g.) as well as lending some valuable tips on pairing Brunello with local foods. This section alone, particularly the food and wine recommendations, should prove to be of invaluable help to anyone touring this area or trying to impress friends at dinner.
In an era where there is so much misinformation about any number of wines and wine news, it's refreshing to read the work of an author who not only knows her subject in great detail, but one who is opinionated and tells her story in an engaging fashion. Whether you are just discovering Brunello di Montalcino or have been enjoying these wines for decades, this book is highly recommended.
Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: brunello di montalcino, kerin o'keefe, university of california press.
8 Comments Add your own
Hi Tom,
I have not read her book and i am looking forward to, but i tend to disagree with the view that a winery like Castello Banfi is "included for their influence". I think the Mariani did what no one else did, and brought the name of Montalcino and its Brunello in the world. Maybe without them Montalcino now would still be a sleeping rural town in central Tuscany. But after all when you write a book, you have the right to express your opinions.
Thanks for your review. I tested myself about how many Brunello producers I could name and I came up with 9. Not too bad I suppose, given that it is more than a handful, but I definitely want to learn more about this wonderful wine and territory.
nice review and good job alerting us that at last there is a book on the best wine in the world!
I've read the book and really enjoyed it. In fact I even left a review on Amazon. I don't subscribe to her point of view completely, but enjoy her position. I find that a lot of my favorite producers don't get even a mention, like Agostina Pieri and Talenti. It leaves me wondering why. Are they too modern? Are they not important enough?
Also I find her traditionalist views a little too unrealistic. After trying many wines at Bellisimo Brunello in SF, I found very few that I would call modern, except Valdicava.


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Weeds: Kills Poison Ivy, Poison Oak, Kudzu, Wild Blackberries, Honeysuckle, Maples, Mesquite, Ragweeds, Raspberry, Trumpet Creeper, Virginia Creeper, Wild Grape, Wild Rose. Common Trees*.
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Fear of recurrence is one of the most commonly reported concerns for cancer survivors.
This may be a long term worry that is present many years after your original diagnosis and treatment. As a cancer survivor, you know that this feeling isn't something you can easily put aside and ignore.
So, how do you move forward, let go of the fear and live your life to the fullest? Everyone deals with their fears in different ways. You may feel a sense of loss of control, or fear of the unknown, or that your future isn't what you had hoped it would be. Here are a few ideas to consider as you think about fear of recurrence...
Let's talk about these three questions. As a survivor, you may gain a better sense of faith in yourself by reconnecting with your spiritual side. This could be a religious faith or a way to connect with your own spirituality (such as art, music, or meditation). If you seek knowledge, why not join others who have had similar experiences through a virtual or in person network or support group.
Trusting in your body might mean that you plan scheduled check-in times with your primary care team, including screening exams as well as listening to your body when you notice any changes different from your norm. You might also decide to make positive changes in health habits, such as eating healthy, adding exercise to your routine or exploring stress management strategies.
Keep in mind that your feelings are normal. Recognize them as real fears and find healthy ways to move through and beyond them so that you can enjoy each day to the fullest. Please help each other by sharing your thoughts on this topic. You aren't alone.
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I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in September of 2009 and began treatment at Mayo Clinic the end of October. I reached near complete remission by New Year's Eve. Did a stem cell transplant in 2010 and all cancer was gone! Doctor said that with Revlimid I would maintain for at least 2 years. I relapsed within 12 weeks. I began a stronger maintenance treatment including Velcade and Dexamethasone on a 4-week cycle. By the Grace of God, prayer, good doctors, good medicine I am here today. I am weary of the treatment regimen, but thank God for every day I am given. I can travel within the US and enjoy my children and grandchildren. I lost my husband to prostate cancer 6 years ago, so I know life is precious. I know the myeloma will return and that the bus is waiting. My attitude makes all the difference and some days are hard. This cancer journey has connected me to many wonderful people and we help one another. Be blessed. We are cancer survivors and fighters. Never ever give up!
I was diagnosed with stage 4 head and neck cancer in Dec. of 2010. I had cancer in my tonsil, tongue, and lymph nodes. I underwent 39 radiation treatments and 9 or 10 chemo sessions. I have no salivary glands, chemo brain, loss of appetite, thyroid stopped working, unable to eat hot or spicy foods and etc. I have been told it will probably come back as lung cancer. But i say, God knows more than doctors do. I am here now by His grace. I fear recurrence, but try to stay positive. I have no one to talk to so i appreciate this website. I pray for all of you.
I was diagnosed with lung cancer in October 2010 - by accident! Had a chest Xray to check placement of a PIC line (I had a bad ear infection) and the radiologist saw this spot. Had middle lobe of lung removed and doctors said no other involvement and thought I was "good to go live my life." 6 months later when I had my follow up CT, they found a positive lymph node. 4 months of chemo and 37 radiations treatments later, I was deemed cancer free. You guessed it, 6 months later, a sore shoulder determined a lesion in my scapula! No I'm a stage 4 having radiation treatments. a couple weeks in to that, they deeded I needed a follow up MRI of my brain. There as a tiny (5mm) spot on my cerebellum. I immediately had a Gamma Knife procedure which everyone feels went well and no other spots were found, thank God! I have 5 more radiation treatments for my shoulder. All this and never smoked or had any symptoms, except for the sore shoulder!! Talk about terrified of recurrences!! My faith is being tested like never before. I spend a lot of time in prayer as do all my friends and church. I don't know what I'd do without them. I'm headed to Duke today to talk to them about treatments options. Where else is good for lung cancer. All I ever see is so doom and gloom. I'm realistic, but I need to be positive, not weighted down by so much negativity. My youngest is getting married next summer and I plan to be there!!! I just don't see many lung cancer patients shari
7 yrs post breast cancer chemo, radio and Tamoxefin. and finding all the above to be true. Being an exercise instructor has given me an insight into the importance of physical activity. There is now a Pink Ribbon Exercise, a pilates based programme for rehabilitation which I would recommend. Look up their website for a national register of instructors in your area or contact the National Osteoporosis Society for information on physical activity.
First, I consider myself very lucky. I was diagnosed in 1995 with a rare form of chronic leukemia. It's not a question of if I will relapse but a matter of when. It's a slow mover when I do relapse. I say I'm lucky because its not acute and they say "it's treatable". But the facts are everytime they treat me when I relapse, parts of my body don't recover from the harsh chemo..Parts of my immune system have been compromised etc. Now, the good news is there are many new discoveries like the pill that blocks the mutant gene for melanoma.. and more. Yes we have cancer and know one really understand what it is to walk into a place to have chemo pumped into us knowing the side efeects. A n 8 year survivor with Oat cell lung cancer told me when we were getting chemo together that she would let them give her chemo until she said stop. She would build herself backup and start it again. She was in control and was the most wonderful optimistic person I have ever met. I'm lucky I have the kind leukemia I have. Except for the discrimination by the insurance companies I'm stronger for it. I can live with it until it kills me or one of it's side effects. Keep as positive an attitude as you can.. Enjoy being around the ones you love...
I had Stage IV ovarian cancer. Healthy all of my life up until the last few years when this cancer came about. I beat it once, then it came back and I had to beat it the second time. I am a fighter, have a strong positive attitude and lots of support. I now take each day as it comes and am thankful every day I wake up. The "Big C" has in a crazy way, encouraged me to enjoy my life more on the good days and appreciate every moment with my family and friends. Not that I ever wanted to have cancer... but each day of life is more precious. I am hoping to make it six months cancer free this month. One day at a time!
(continued) She had already determined that she wasn't willing to undergo the treatment that was being suggested. We continued to go around the room but there was a stillness that was palpable, realizing that there were two women in our little group that were approaching the end of the line. When I shared with my daughter that I was almost in tears on the trip home and actually felt worse for these other women than I did for myself, her response was "Just don't go when you're in a really good mood." But the truth is, I'm blessed to be in remission and able to have a really good day and will continue to attend these support group meetings, even on days when my mood's not so great. If these women can show up, it's the very least I can do.
Today marks 18 months since surgery and a diagnosis of stage 3C ovarian cancer. I'll be 70 years old next month and I've always been someone who never got sick, not even flu or a cold. So this completely overwhelmed me and I'm only now coming to terms with what has happened to me. Last Thursday, I was in an exceptionally good mood as I headed out to my cancer support group meeting. Spring had finally arrived and I was enjoying the short drive with windows down and a great CD playing. When I arrived, there were a few new women and a couple regulars, both with stage 4 melanoma. As we began introductions, the first woman to speak (one of the regulars) told how her tests came back clear after undergoing the knife procedure on tumors in her lung. The next woman to speak was new to the group and obviously very distraught. She was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in 2008; she had 33 doses of radiation. The cancer returned as stage 3 last year; she again had 33 doses of radiation and chemotherapy. At the beginning of this year, the cancer was back and now stage 4; she was getting ready to go to Utah and meet with doctors who would help decide the next step for her. Throughout, it was everything she could do to hold back her tears. The next woman to speak was the other regular with melanoma; although she had been on the same medication as the first woman, treatment wasn't working for her and she was leaving for San Francisco to meet with doctors the next day. She had already deter
I have Esophageal cancer anf finished Chemo and Radiation 10 weeks ago. I have just had a PET scan and an endoscapy the doctors have found it to be in remission. Our only son died 5 years ago at age 23 we were devistated and with thecancer we are both scared. I worry a lot about it as my wife has gone through so much and now I am putting her through more. Iknow I need to stay positive but it is hard. I don't want to leave her all alone. We try to live each day to the fullest but it hard when to feel so lousy.
My thoughts and fears echo so many of all of yours. Not a day goes by that I don't think about recurrence. My work, my family, and my faith keep me going. I have found that singing in the choir and playing handbells eally clears the brain of all other thoughts - can't think about cancer when you're trying to sing or play the handbells! Every day I wear a silver necklace with interlocked hearts that my daughter gave me when I was diagnosed. It is my daily reminder and prayer for continued good health.
I had my check- up on the 10th. Thank you God. My Ca 125 was 8 and now can I rest for another 6 month. I have 3 more years to go for checkups every 6 month. Just going to enjoy every day and appreciate life with my family and friends.M
I have now been free of cancer for 3 years. I like to tell people I am free from cancer instead of in remission. I had stage 3C ovarian cancer and are going back to the doc. on the 10th of April. Hope to still get a good report but of course the fear is always there. I try to stay busy. My husband, children and grandchildren have been very supportive and keep me going. I try to rest on bad days and read, watch lot of TV, get on my I-pad, cook etc. Otherwise I am busy running around doing errands, shopping and babysitting grandkids.
Life is good but the fear of the cancer returning is always there. I am 69 year old and when I feel bad I always think it could be just old age. So I still thank God every day for all the blessings around me and I will keep smiling.
I am a cancer survivor of a very rare form of lung cancer (bronchiolo-alveolar carcinoma. I was diagnosed in October of 2010. I had no symptoms and a routine chest x-ray found a 3mm shadow.PET scan showed nothing lit up like they expected it to.My type of cancer doesn't usually show up on PET scans they told me. (wonderful)In November 1/3 of my lung was removed (couldn't remove the entire lung because it wouldn't deflate completely) and I was referred to Dana Farber in Boston. Chemo was started in December through April of 2011. My last CT scan showed all cells completely gone and I am so grateful. I have a continuous cough, my mind is NOT as sharp as it use to be, I am almost always depressed (hide it well from family)I am constantly achy and just feel like crap most days. I am prettified that this cancer will come back or that I have cancer somewhere else. I have diabetes and a fatty liver. Family and friends don't know how much the fear is so real, they just tell me I'm so lucky and I should be thankful. Well I am, but....... Just being able to type this helps a little knowing that there are many of you reading this and bobbing your heads up and down and saying yes I know. I did the same thing when I read all of yours.I need a support group for survivors.Where do I (we) go from here?I am a very positive person usually but this has knocked me down pretty hard.My faith has been knocked down a bit but it's still there somewhere, I just know it.
I have reoccurence breast and I want to know why it came back after ten years.
Good attitude, Jeff! My husband Joe also has lingering side effects from chemo and also bowel issues from surgery and radiation from Rectal ca. Good days are a treasure to draw on in the bad ones.
I have a rare form of Chronic Leukemia.. It's not a question of if I relapse, it's a question of when. Why I will relapse is unknown. Have been doing it for 16 years. Had 12 treatments of chemo over 7 months the first time . One contiuous chemo for 7 days 24/7 another time. Possibly beginning of a relapse at this time. Hope not. Have had side effects from the chemo that have never gone away.( despite the insurance comp. & drug comp. montra of, it leaves your system, no side effects.. Ha. Ha.) Except for my fear of financial failure( which has caught up with me) and lack of being able to get a job in my profession due to corporate discrimination because they fear my future medical costs, I try to keep busy doing things and live mentally one day at a time. My wonderful wife of 35 years taught me this when I was first diagnosed.
It is what it is. It's not personnal.. We all have something. When you are having a good day, you will appreciate it much more then the people who have never had a bad day with cancer. I am stronger and better for the trials I have endured and will endure. Try to apprecite the good moments and be gratful when those bad days have passed. Wish I could give you the answer to make it better. I hope this helps at least alittle. May you all go into remission quickly..
Way to go, Arlene. Now you have a purpose for living!! Good luck with Jasper. Just to mention, my husband of 49 years(Anniversary) was the one diagnosed with Ca. Stage III Rectal on his initial colonoscopy. Believe me when I say God IS good!! As his caregiver, I also think about recurrence. He had radiation & chemo, followed by surgery and more chemo. If his next cat scan is good he will be able to have the port cath removed. To all the other survivors on this blog, keep the faith & keep fighting!!!!
I so appreciate this blog. I have experienced such anxiety about recurrence! I think it is a fear that can only be understood by someone that has actually already received the news that you (yes you)have cancer. People want to hear you're doing well, that you are "fighting". Sometimes we are! Other times we are anxious, alone and tired. It feels good to be able to just say that.
I had stage two, grade three invasive breast cancer in 2010. I was allergic to chemo and developed organizing pneumonia from which I now have permanent lung damage and am still suffering. If you cough or feel like passing out while undergoing chemo, please insist on further testing before continuing the chemo.
I have Stage III lung cancer. Had chemo, and 28 days of rad. last yr. Cyberknife the end of July this year 2011, because doctor and radiologist stated tumor appeared looked not as cavitated. I just know I asked my doctor if she was me would she do it and she said yes so I did. Since this treatment I've had chest pain from fidicuals placed around my tumor as well cough, spitting up mucus, most of the times plan, waking up from coughing, have to set up sometimes through the night it has been 2 1/2 months. I get PET scan in mid Nov. I like to read about everyones faith and at this second I pray for your healing. Pray me for me as well please. I thank God each day to be alive and know I'm so much luckier then many other people. Thanks for letting me talk. At least I'm told I look better then before. I told a friend of mine that 3 yrs. ago and she died thereafter. It haunts me, she was sweet and had two teenagers. I feel like doctors are tired of me already! In the beginning I felt more empathy from the nurses and team. I don't call or complain to them but I do ask a lot of questions when I go for my visits. Maybe I'm a pest! I think I've ran out of treatment if it's not gone. Not sure I want more. Feel worse after treatments.
In November of 2007, I was diagnosied with ovarian cancer 3B. I felt positive during and after chemo. I have had a lot of pain during and after chemo. I was in remission until recently. I cannot have chemo because the cells are too small. It is now a "wait and see" situation. This time I feel fear and I
am worried that I won't be so lucky. Most important, I will not give up. I do not want
to die and will not give in. I Love my Grandkids and Son and Daughter with all the
Love a Mother can give. They are my life. I
have a lot of faith in God. I know he will be
there for me all of the way. I don't want to
waste a day of my life wondering if I am going
to be sick. I thank God everyday because he gave me another day. I try to pay it forward with other people and do things for them that are unexpected. It makes me feel good to reach out to someone else. Having cancer made me appreciate life more and not take it for granted. My advice to everyone on this page would be to try not let your illiness control your life.I hope and pray that someday we can destroy this terrible disease.
I was 62.....Looked great....Felt some tummy pain in my oh-so distended belly. Never being sick, I thought it was some kind of gastro thingy. Guess what.....it turned out to be level 3C Ovarian cancer.
Doc. totally gutted me. I was 99% cancer free....except for the cels...Those little buggers.
Went thru Chemo and was cancer free for 1 year....till last month.
The cancer cells came back, so, I'm back on Chemo. After my first session, I am again cancer free. When I refer to Chemo, I say
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend".
No nausea. Imagine that. I still feel and look great, except for my hair (there lack of)
But with my black hat and ear cuff, I'm still striking. I have a real positive attitude, which really helps me get thru. I am hopeful that these cells will someday die (before I do) L0L. Gotta think positive. I decided to rescue a 10 week old Lab mix puppy, that was going to be gassed in Alabama. I HAVE THE WILL AND STRENGTH TO LIVE... Now puppy.Jasper is my PURPOSE !!!!!!!!!
Love to all reading my thoughts.
I was a 37 years stomach cancer survivor. Yes, one never gets free of cancer. Sept. 2010, I was diagnosed with cancer of the gallbladder - a rare cancer. I went through treatment of chemo and radiation therapy. My treatment was successful but most recently this week, my Oncologist, found a mass right below my incision on the right side of my abdomen. Again I went through another Pet Scan - it showed that the area I mentioned above lit up. So now I have to probably go through a biopsy. I will know after tomorrow, Thursday, after my case is presented to the Tumor Board on what they would recommend for my treatment. I went through a very difficult time during my hospitalization in Sept-October and November. But by the grace of God, I pulled through the most critical times of my illness. I know and believe that prayers work. Even now I firmly believe that the Jesus will pull me through this time b/c He promised: " Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my Name, there AM I in the midst of them." _ Matthew 18:19-20. God is in control of my life. I totally surrender my whole being to Him. God's divine mercy calls us to trust in Jesus. The love and prayer support of my family and friends sustained through it all. May the healing grace of God with the guidance and protection
of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
During a routine mammogram cancer was found in my left armpit. I have been in the diagnostic stage for over 2 months now. I get a lot of kindness and support from friends, family and co-workers. What I'd like to say about comments being "cliche" or annoying is that it doesn't matter. Honestly, whether the well-wisher says the wrong thing or not, you have to know that they are just trying to be supportive. I am never annoyed by that. I have thus far been able to remain happy and hopeful because of all the support.
This Dec. I will be a 9 year survivor following surg/chemo/rad. I find that I do not worry what the future will bring, as until it happens (as it will) I am on "free time". Throughout the entire medical nightmare that was my treatment (not going there)and the years after, I found my slogan of no news is good news made waiting easy. I do not wait in dread. I'm ok with whatever happens. Just enjoying my borrowed time and not freaking over what may come my way in the future. Having worked 7 days a week through the whole ordeal my heart goes out to all of you going through it. Hang in and know there is life after cancer!
I can understand that when you are told you have poor survival odds regarding your cancer that one could feel a sense of relief to be told that it's back. I will not find it to be a relief if i recurr or find it a relief if i'm told that my cancer metastasized becasue the chemo treatment didn't work. I have 1 year behind me with Triple Neg Breast Cancer Stage III and I am concerned more about metasteses than local recurrence for obvious reasons. I truley don't think others around me who have not had cancer understand what they are doing when they continually give the advise to be positive, talk positive. It gets annoying. I just want to tell them so and walk away at times. Also, when others constantly tell me I look good when I feel lousey every day from fibromyalgia pain and fatigue--that gets frustrating as well. I know they probably don't know what else to say. I wish they would be more personal and not "cliche".
Diagnosed w/ stage IIIA Triple Neg. breast cancer August of 2010.Finished tx May 2011. Not sure how to proceed with imaging & also worry about results. I think about recurrence. I'm afraid to do PET and CAT scans because they are high in radiation & can contribute or cause secondary cancers. If i recurr my oncologist tells me i have on average a 2 year survival. Why should i expose myself to the radiation of PET scans and CT scans? If they find something & start chemo I will feel worse sooner than later. Marilyn, I too struggle with not feeling well each day as I have severe fibromyalgia & fagtigue which got much worse after chemo. I can not sit or stand for long without pain and am 52 yrs old. I also have thyroid concerns. It's been an arduos process to apply for long term disability. I pray I get long term disability as we are financially challenged. I lost my job as they could not hold it any longer. I too tell others I don't feel well and am unable to do things because i don't feel well.I have 2 children 12 and 13 and spend a lot of my time tending to them. I too am told "You look good" but physically i don't feel well and tohers do not understand. Yes, cancer can come back even many years down the road like Susan. Just because the first 3-5 years go by doesn't mean you are scott free. Although, many women do not have breast cancer return. Andrea cudo's to you - you are an inspiration. It will not come as a relief to be told my cancer has
I've forgotten that after transplant surgery cancer is still a possibility as well as others. I'm grateful for the newsletter which gently reminds me to eat well and to exercise and to take care of the gift of life.
I loved your note but I would ask doctors to check periodically without us having to ask for scans and other tests. For example, pet scans every so often. I am sure if we support to the insurance companies that they would save money by detecting early the recurrences they would agree to this too. Many thanks for allowing us to comment and your wonderful and wise notes!!
Kind regards,
Thanks for being honest and sharing your experiences and feeling. First I find it very helpful to read others thoughts that mirror mine. I am scared of recurrence, it sometimes totally freaks me out. I agree that when the check up approach (mine is in 2 weeks) it is with severe trepidation. I think I have mentally bought into the fact that this will happen, I will have it again. I am not even that scared of what will happen if it does, it is this limbo place of fear.
I admit that sometimes I wish I could see my doctors every month just for reassurance. It makes it harder that my 50 year old brother died in August from cancer. I could really relate to many of you saying it would be easier to just have it come back and get it done with.
Thanks for all your posts. Good book suggestions and other ideas.
Ginny, I just completed my 3 month checkup. While my results werell negative, I too was somewhat anxious. But I'm reminded that God tells us do not be anxious for ANyTHING. We must remember that as we go through this journey. Go into your next session as I say "prayed up" it works. Read the word Ginny often.I pry for God to give you peace as you move into the next phase. It's okay to talk about it with those who have walked or are walking in your shoes. I to had been reluctant to share but when I began I found it to be healing as well. I'm 64 , a widow(husband of 43yrs died of ALS) so it's been challenging. But refuse to let this disease rule my life. I have varying symptoms from stge 3 TRIPLE NEGAtIVE BC. Hd a radical mastectomy. Know that many are praying for you AND claim the victory over this diease for you. God bless you. Keep n touch.
Erin, I am so with you. I have sclc and there no boubt that this will return, it is just the matter of when? Everyone says how great I look, they have no idea how worn out I am. I finish my treatment 3 months ago and I am still so tired.
Thanks for these comments...so helpful and it helps me to pray for you as I read --Ginny I'm glad you are reaching out...
These comments and the article were lovely to read...normalizing feelings, giving good thoughts and ideas and it helps me to pray for those who wrote here..I am especially praying for Ginny and so glad you reached out...a good reminder for me was the following note -gave me hope that my state of mind will improve over time: I find that with my faith and with time, my state of mind has improved. The fear never leaves, but I think of those in the world who are less fortunate and thank God for each beautiful day.
Thanks to all you have posted here. I have recurrent breast cancer with postive lymph nodes and will start Chemo on Tuesday so as you can imagine I'm scared as I know the effects will be terrible and debilitating but also know I will survive it and move on.
Your posts are not only an inspiration but uplifting and positive as well.
We can give each other hope knowing we are not alone but have a vast network of both men and women who are experiencing the same thing which unites us.
Thanks once again.
GOD before us
GOD behind us
GOD above us
GOD beneath us
GOD beside us
GOD within us
My sister in law sent me this card and I read it everyday to comfort me. Hope it helps you also.
It is a good feeling when you realize you are not alone in your fight with cancer. I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 2008, had a Bone Marrow transplant in 2009, and was cancer-free for 18 mths when after my birthday, I was told by my Medical team that 2% of the cancer had come back. It was very heartbreaking, but I cried and then moved on to what I need to do next. However it had progressed while I waited to take a repeat lab test, so I ended up in the hospital having spine surgery to remove the tumors that had appeared on my spine, and came out with a steel cage, cement and listed as a T6 incomplete paraplegic. Not knowning if I would walk again, I went through PT/OT and with prayers, support of family & friends, I have progressed to walking with a walker and sometimes I still use my WC, but not as often.
So shoulder on people, with GOD or however you seek guidance, you will make it through until you are called home.
Have just read the other comments, and am very appreciative of so many sharing their feelings. It does help one to not feel "so alone", in dealing with this situation.
One thing I'm having trouble with, and didn't see addressed, is feeling too ill to "enjoy each day", as almost everyone wants to do. Psychologically, I'm geared to do just that, but due to effects of some of the treatment I had (two surgeries; chemo; high doses of radiation for recurrence), plus an ongoing and increasingly "bad back" (severe osteoarthritis) and a chronically inflamed thyroid, I'm finding it difficult, and sometimes impossible to do the things I enjoy. Have always been active - running, hiking, gardening, travel, etc. - but am gradually finding difficult, and/or impossible to do these things. Am unable to sit, stand or walk, for more than very short periods. For that reason (and severe fatigue) had to opt out of a camping trip with my grown kids this weekend. Am terribly disappointed, but still thankful for the things I can do.
My question is: Does anyone else find it difficult, or impossible, to "live each day to the fullest", even while in remission?
I'm 67, invasive breast cancer (Stage III, Grade III,) in 2005; recurrence in 2007. Two surgeries; chemo and radiation. Am putting off having a follow-up CT scan for a small "nodule" found in my lung, as I don't plan to have any further treatment, but would like to enjoy whatever time I h
as the spouse of an esophageal cancer survior.4 years this november.it's an ongoing fear everyday of it returning.also being a registered nurse and seeing cancer each day doesn't make it easier.but we no longer worry about the little things.we enjoy our new grandchildren and evry morning we wake up together and give thanks.when we no longer have our 6 month check ups that'll be a new fear we'll tackle together.it's important to talk openly to your spouses.i know my husband worries about me all the time but he's the one that had the cancer,but he says we both had it.appreciate each day !
I find all your comments so true. The fare,the worry,the uncertainty and the suffering. As a young women I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and I'm well now.At the beginning I was very positive and still I'm but often I think about death; my own mortality. Will I have the strength to cope with cancer for a second time? I hope I won't find out. Wish you all to be able to cope with your illness.
I was diagnosed with stage 11 Multiple Myeloma, had 4 cycles of chemo and steroids, and was then sent to a major CA center to discuss having a stem cell transplant. Much to my surprise ( shock really ) I was told that I most likely have smoldering myeloma, and did not need treatment at this time, nor did I need treatment when I had it! I cannot tell you how strange that was, to have " adjusted" my thoughts, emotions and life to having a lethal CA and now to be told that the risk of the meds I was on was unnecessary, and that now we would "simply wait for the disease to progress" to start treatment again. I know there is no cure for this disease, and the watchful waiting, when the outcome of it progressing is certain, is taking its toll. I am trying to have a positive outlook, what ever that means, and I try not to think about it, but I just don't know how to cope with this.
Does anyone else out there have Multiple Myeloma?
Here are the names of some books and cd's that have sustained me through very difficult times. I hope they help you all as well: The three books of Rabbi Naomi Levy "Talking to God" "To Begin Again" and "Hope Will Find You" I am Jewish but Believe me you don't have to be Jewish to find help and sustenance from these 3 very personal accounts of Rabbi Levy's own personal journey through very tough times. The second recommendation are all the meditation CD's of Jon Kabat-Zinn. Espec. useful prior to those 6-mo ct scans!
Thank you all so very much. May God be with you all and may you find comefort in Him.Health and Healing for you all.9cykap
It is always a GREAT feeling of relief after every 6 mo ck up. Then there isnt much worry until I make an appointment for the next ck up. That month is so full of anxiety that i even start to get ghost symptoms. Tomorrow is the day to make the next appointment. It does get better with every clean check up
I am 41 stage 4 non hodgkin lymphoma. Just finished tx's and in remission. It is frightening to think about the future and the thought of the monster awakening again. It is comforting to hear people in the same situation than me, with the same fears, trying to "stay positive". About a year ago I went back to school, before this cancer thing. I'm obviously confused if its worth to continue knowing that at any given moment it will comeback, but life is about taking chances and about doing what you really want to do. enjoy life to the MAX !!!
Thank you, Linda, for the website. I went to it and decided to be more pro-active to make sure I get checked because I have several ovarian cancer symptoms. Even if we think it's nothing, it is always better to check. I admire everyone's courage and your desire to be positive for yourself and your family. Take time to do something for yourself each day. Ask for what you need or wish for because sometimes family members or others don't know what to do. Maybe a foot or back massage? I will pray for all.
When I saw the comment made about feeling better when it finally came back, I feel the same way! Mine has not come back yet but I find myself almost wishing it would. Then the guilt starts! What kind of person would want the Cancer back? The thing is that I know it will return that is the nature of the beast I have and the waiting is getting unbearable. I can not discuss this with family or friends, I mean they are all praying for it to stay away right? I love my life and try to live a positive life, am told how great I look, but underneath I have this secret fear and if I ever even try to give it a voice I am told to be more positive. Does anyone else feel like screaming when you hear these catch phrases?
For Nonie and other ovarian and related cancers, I would recommend a most valuable resource, the Foundation for Women's Cancer at http://www.foundationforwomenscancer.org/
This organization sponsors four great Survivors Courses each year in various parts of the US. These are FREE and so very professional. I attended the one last April in Albuquerque sponsored by the Southwest Cancer group there and met over 250 friends I didn't know I had--survivors or friends of in every manner of health--some thriving, some not so. On one side of me was a 20+ year survivor, on the other side was a woman whose sister was just beginning treatment. Me, I was operated on for Stage IIIA in January 2010 and finished chemo in August 2010. This April event came at just the right time--fabulous doctors, load of information, wonderfully upbeat AND the whole last session was about recurrence. I look careful notes and the information helped me know what "might be" but also connected me with the FWC resources and new people in my life.
In August 2011, my CA 125 went up and a CT scan revealed the cancer has recurred. In deciding to go with an aggressive approach and more chemo I feel that I'm "in charge" based on the knowledge base that I had about what could/might/would likely happen.
It's said that "Knowledge is power." I agree. I am sure other research groups have resources, but this is a great one for those of us with ovarian, fallopian tube, etc. cancer.
i enjoy getting the newsletter and reading what other people have to say about surviving, dying, going thru TX's, worrying about the results of whatever test you are taking, feeling good, feeling bad.....I'm a breast cancer survivor of 11 years and had it return last October. I felt that it would come again - just too much cancer in my family and it was almost a relief when I was diagnosed again w/cancer - at least I wouldn't have to wonder wif I was gonna get i. This time the cancer mestastisized (sp) in my left ischium and my doc said maybe I have five yrs. Like someone else mentioned i am enjoying my life as much as I can on a day to day basis. Ican't tell u how many chemo txs I've had since last thanksgiving - most of the time It's the only place i feel good is in the tx room. All the nurses are wonderful and we laugh alot. i had radiation this time to my breast and to my hip. I've only recenlty noticed that my left breast is at least 3X smaller than my rt breast. i stuffed my bras this morning with a pair of underwear so the size of my breast wouldn't be so noticeable. I tried toilet paper and I couldn't get it to look natural. I always try to hide my breast and am so afriad someone is going to notice that it is considerably smaller. I wish I would have both of my breast removed. I went thru extensive re-constructive surgery and would not do that again. It's too bad our breasts are so available for comments, looks from others and are so important in society.
Debbie is correct; it is comjforting to know that cancer survivors are here to face this together. I had stage two, grade three breast cancer and had the cancer and thirty-one lymjph nodes removed one and a half years ago at Jacksonville Mayo. I was allergic to Taxotere (chemo) and developed organiziong pneumonia which I am currently battling. It is frightening, but I find that with my faith and with time, my state of mind has improved. The fear never leaves, but I think of those in the world who are less fortunate and thank God for each beautiful day.
it is so very comforting to all to know that all of you are here today to recognize all the life issues we all face. cancer is probably scarier than most illnesses- but to be here to tslk about it makes me very grateful.
there is no easy path to deal with anxiety over facing mortality every time we take a test or face a birthday-- but this is true for so many aspects of all of our lives.
i had a fake sense of security concerning my health prior to cancer, but now i listen to my body. sometimes i'm right and sometimes i am wrong but i always check it out. i have "freq flier" visits with some of my docs.it's ok. and its ok to say it out loud to any one who cares about you.how we live our lives is the only legacy we give to ourselves,spouses and children.
I have been in remission from CLL for over 1 1/2 yrs. The thoughts of it returning are always there. You live with them and go on living. My faith has always been strong. This was a real test of faith and trusting God's will in all of this. I prayed for ways I could help others and God immediately answered that prayer. I work for an ambulance service as a non-emergency transported. I have shared my testimony both on and off the job with a number of patients and others and prayed with some; one being completely healed. I would encourage others to seek ways to turn their cancer into a positive. My faith and trust in God and His son Jesus Christ has been mine but can be yours also.
God's Blessings, Love & Healing,
Revelation 3:20 NASB
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me."
I'm in remission from stage 3A ovarian cancer. At first, I was very positive that I could beat this. As time goes by, I get more and more scared. It is a lonely disease because there are so few survivors and no support group in the local area. I go from reading everything I can about the disease to ignoring it.
I have been cancer-free for five years. I had stage 2 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I still live in fear of its return. My CAT scans are very stressful just because we are looking for cancer. I am so glad to know that others feel this way too. I had decided that I might just be a paranoid fool for my fears. Thanks for making me feel normal.
Approaching one year out of chemo soon and got the dreaded call today. Had my normal 3 months oncology visit yesterday, labs came back with bad results. Need to get back in for a pet scan. As a cancer patient in remission since Feb, we all know what the #'s mean. Trying to stay positive, I was so positive first trip, not feeling so energetic this trip. Wait and see game. Have never read blogs or talked with others much, kept my diagnosis as quiet as possible but feeling a little down and need to reach out. Thanks for the blog. God Bless
I have read all the posted comments and I feel a better that their are survivers out their that have the same feelings I have. I enjoy reading the articles because they help my frame of mind.
Intelectually, I know these feelings are normal but tey are very tough psychologically. I am 13 months post-treatment for a squamos cell tumor in my throat. My first post treatment PET scan showed no signs of cancer; 90-day follow up visits with my oncology team were all "thumbs up." Two weeks ago I began having a sore throat again and was getting hoarse frequently. I began getting this very uneasy feeling as those were the symptoms when they found my tumor at stage 3. Finally I made an appointment with my ENT and he put an endoscope down my throat and cconfirmed that there are no signs of any cancer or tumor; I am suffering from post-nasal drip. The shadow of cancer never leaves our minds but we should go on living life to the fullest. I don't know if I learned a lesson today, but I certainly feel relieved and realize how fragile our mind is when it comes to survival.
Thank you for bringing this up. It is a fear we have to live with, no way out. The good side of the fear is it keeps us vigilant, makes us do aerobics, eat well, manage stress, as well as we can. It's just plain awful to have to live with the fear, but we can't do anything about it. Being positive to me means doing what we should, not thinking I will be OK. I never thought that my body betrayed me. Rather maybe I betrayed it, by not weighing what i should, for not having exercised much, by not consuming foods and beverages that were organic and healthy. My best motto is to think kindly with my body, myself and with others. I have to remind myself though all the time. Stage 3 grade 3 double negative breast cancer is not for the weak, nor many of the cancers and other illnesses the other writers have mentioned. Good to be with others and get new ideas to handle it.
Sometimes that harder you try to put
unpleasant things out of your mind, the
more they come to surface. The good advice
already given is to enjoy the moment and life
is a fleeting experience for almost everyone.
I'm nearly 6 months into remission, non-Hodgkin lymphoma. I have a PET scan in 2 weeks. Meanwhile, like Amylyn, I have been feeling the same back aches and pains in my side that I had originally ignored but that finally lead to discovery of a large tumor, but they are mild and intermediate. At 3 months in remission my doctor called it phantom pains. I'm very apprehensive about the coming scan, fearful of the worst but hoping for the best. Though difficult to get to, I find a positive attitude and confidence in my doctor, modern medicine, and Rochester Mayo helps. It served me well through the original treatment.
5 years out of treatment and suddenly worried that my time is limited(was given a 10yr survival rate) Dont know how to shake this feeling, it is very unlike me and how I dealt with cancer. I exercise eat good but constantly think my life will be over in a flash. I think my 53rd birthday somehow triggered this. I'm just hoping to get out of this funk soon.
I've beaten back cancer three times in four years. The first time I went into remission the fear of recurrence was a constant dark cloud over my life. There was an ever-present feeling of waiting for the "other shoe to drop." At about a year post-chemo my blood markers suggested a recurrence was coming and my anxiety rose to life-sucking levels. I sought counseling. In retrospect this was the smartest thing I could do for myself beyond just getting more treatment. I've since gone into remission, recurred again, and am now back in remission. I've learned to live well with the uncertainties of cancer and I have a life full of joy.
I overcame 4 stages of epilepsy, have Tuberous Sclerosis on the brain, emphysema and Islet Cell joined the crowd 2 years ago. Radiation, adriamyacin, streptozocin and 5 cycles of Sutent before we took a chemo holiday. In less than 14 days I'll have to decide if I want to live like today, or almost like a zombie due to the chemo. I'm 72+ and with the chemo didn't care to live another day.
Having cancer 4x means my body has betrayed me. There's nothing I can do to change that...and I can live a healthy lifestyle but if there's going to be a 5th time, I can't change that...so...what I do is live in the moment...and love everything about that moment. When I find myself getting anxious, I force myself to go back to the current moment and appreciate everything about it. I save the anxiety for awaiting test results, but in-between testing times, I live a totally normal life and revel in it.
It's been a few years and I still wonder occasionally if it's back. The good thing is that it's a constant reminder to do the things that i want to do, now instead of later, because you never know.
Good article...nice to know the feelings are normal...I find the more I exercise, the better I feel..but it is damn hard to get started after chemo..
I survived cancer as well as a dear friend of mine. There have been several others who did not that we knew quite well. We've been pondering the question about survival. We made it but they didn't and there is an element of guilt present in our discussion. I know there are lots of factors to consider, 1. type of cancer 2. stage 3. treatment option choice 4. lymph node involvement- any ideas would be appreciated.
It's comforting ton see this, because I have been struggling with this myself. I am 29, and a recent cancer survivor...Hodgkins. I have been feeling those familiar "sick" feelings again, and can't tell if it's justifiable or just paranoia. Its reassuring to hear that these thoughts of "could it be back?" are normal. We do have to find a way to breath in and move on!
nice article
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Greenpeace and Chesapeake Climate activists hold banners for the Strike Out Exxon at Nationals Park campaign during a Nationals game against the New York Mets in Washington, D.C., September 15, 2008. The campaign has been keeping the heat on the Nationals management, being a presence at every home Nationals game since June 20th to discourage consideration of ExxonMobil for the naming rights to the first green ballpark in the United States. Activists dropped banners in the scoreboard area at the end of the fourth inning of the game after ExxonMobil advertising was displayed on the electronic signboards in the new stadium.
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Dubbed the American Tolkien by Time magazine, George R. R. Martin has earned international acclaim for his monumental cycle of epic fantasy. Now the #1 New York Times bestselling author delivers the fifth book in his landmark seriesas both familiar faces and surprising new forces vie for a foothold in a fragmented empire.
In the aftermath of a colossal battle, the future of the Seven Kingdoms hangs in the balancebeset by newly emerging threats from every direction. In the east, Daenerys Targaryen, the last scion of House Targaryen, rules with her three dragons as queen of a city built on dust and death. But Daenerys has thousands of enemies, and many have set out to find her. As they gather, one young man embarks upon his own quest for the queen, with an entirely different goal in mind.
Fleeing from Westeros with a price on his head, Tyrion Lannister, too, is making his way to Daenerys. But his newest allies in this quest are not the rag-tag band they seem, and at their heart lies one who could undo Daeneryss claim to Westeros forever.
Meanwhile, to the north lies the mammoth Wall of ice and stonea structure only as strong as those guarding it. There, Jon Snow, 998th Lord Commander of the Nights Watch, will face his greatest challenge. For he has powerful foes not only within the Watch but also beyond, in the land of the creatures of ice.
From all corners, bitter conflicts reignite, intimate betrayals are perpetrated, and a grand cast of outlaws and priests, soldiers and skinchangers, nobles and slaves, will face seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Some will fail, others will grow in the strength of darkness. But in a time of rising restlessness, the tides of destiny and politics will lead inevitably to the greatest dance of all.
George R. R. Martin is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of many novels, including the acclaimed series A Song of Ice and FireA Game of Thrones, A Clash of Kings, A Storm of Swords, A Feast for Crows, and A Dance with Dragons. As a writer-producer, he has worked on The Twilight Zone, Beauty and the Beast, and various feature films and pilots that were never made. He lives with the lovely Parris in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
I am happy the Martin finally finished this novel. I have been waiting for many years. The story is a wild roller coaster ride ....shocking events take place! I am at the end and so sorry that he did not wrap the series up in this volume. Now I am in for another long wait for the next installment.
Very slow! Little to no substantive change from the previous book. Readers should not be afraid to call authors out on substandard work.
I am half way through this book (I have read them all since June) and I love it. I didn't like Book 4 as well as the rest of the series. Book 5 brings back all the characters that were not in Book 4 and the new characters are woven in. If you read this book, make sure you read books 1-4 first or you will be lost. There are so many characters and places that there is a reason there are maps and lists of family members at the beginning and end of these books.
I bought this book for my daughter as a Christmas Gift and was very happy with the speed of shipping, type of packaging for safe delivery, very great condition of the book on arrival, and she is thrilled to have the book as a gift to add to her collection.
A Dance With Dragons is an excllent book, one of a series written by Martin. I got this book as a gift for a friend who enjoys science fiction. I was pleased to find such a great bargain at Overstock. The book came in just a few days which I thought was excptional shipping for books and media shipping. It was packed in a box and arrivd in perfct condition. My friend loved the gift.
next chapter in saga,to much triva but nice to get to next stop in story. lots of stuff that really did not need to be said to advance the story. that seems to be the way authors are going now days.
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- Willamette
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Welcome to Atkinson Graduate School of Management's Career Management pages. With over 12 years of experience in Career Management, I have found that the key to career success is building a strong network of colleagues. Today, there are few companies that structure a career ladder in which employees move from entry level to management through a structured process. The key to success will be determined by engagement in your career process; taking charge of your career path, evaluating your strengths, building your own career plan, creating a professional network and adding value to your organization. There are many different paths you can take, but ultimately you are in the driver's seat of your career! We in Career Management are here to help pave the road.
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Customer Reviews
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Great leather product - functional and stylish
I love my leather writing pad cover. I must admit that it could do with a slightly bigger pen holder as my fountain pen creases the spine however this is the case with most writing pad covers. The leather is soft and takes knocks quite well. Marks develop over time giving it character.
Chris Bosca - Owner, BOSCA
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RT If You watched "A Glimpse inside the mind of Charles Swan" #Winning #lovethatmovie
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-to one of my nurses, #Isabella and she nodded before rapidly assembling the tray. She was the daughter of Dr. Charles Swan who was in the-
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Surprised this movie garnered such negative reviews. I think it was pretty good. #CharlesSwanIII
How truly horrible was "A Glimpse Inside The Mind Of Charles Swan III"? It didn't make a single "Worst of" list, at least that I've read.
If the purpose of A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III is to remind the world that Charlie Sheen was a vaguely ok performer...
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9.a. System Logger
When we mentioned what stage3 was, we said that it contained all
necessary system tools for which we cannot provide a choice to our users. We
also said that we would install the other tools later on. Well, here we are :)
The first tool you need to decide on has to provide logging facilities for your
system. Unix and Linux have an excellent history of logging capabilities -- if
you want you can log everything that happens on your system in logfiles. This
happens through the system logger.
Gentoo offers several system loggers to choose from. There are sysklogd,
which is the traditional set of system logging daemons, syslog-ng, an
advanced system logger, and metalog which is a highly-configurable
system logger. Others might be available through Portage as well - our number of
available packages increases on a daily basis.
If you can't choose one, use metalog as it is very powerful yet comes
with a great default configuration.
To install the system logger of your choice, emerge it and have it added
to the default runlevel using rc-update. The following example installs
metalog. Of course substitute with your system logger:
The stage3 tarballs of the 2004.2 release erroneously contain the sysklogd
logger. You will need to unmerge this logger before emerging a new one.
Code Listing 1.1: Installing a system logger
(First unmerge the sysklogd logger if you use a stage3 tarball)
# emerge unmerge sysklogd
(You will also need to remove the sysklogd init script)
# rm /etc/init.d/sysklogd
(Now install the system logger of your choice)
# emerge metalog
# rc-update add metalog default
9.b. Optional: Cron Daemon
Next is the cron daemon. Although it is optional and not required for your
system, it is wise to install one. But what is a cron daemon? A cron daemon
executes scheduled commands. It is very handy if you need to execute some
command regularly (for instance daily, weekly or monthly).
Gentoo offers three possible cron daemons: dcron, fcron and
vixie-cron. Installing one of them is similar to installing a system
logger. However, dcron and fcron require an extra configuration
command, namely crontab /etc/crontab. If you don't know what to choose,
use vixie-cron.
We only provide vixie-cron for networkless installations. If you want
another cron daemon you can wait and install it later on.
Code Listing 2.1: Installing a cron daemon
# emerge vixie-cron
# rc-update add vixie-cron default
(Only if you have chosen dcron or fcron) # crontab /etc/crontab
9.c. Optional: File Indexing
If you want to index your system's files so you are able to quickly
locate them using the locate tool, you need to install
If you are not installing Gentoo using cascading profiles slocate will
already be part of your system. Cascading profiles are not used by default yet
so if you don't understand it you can assume that you're not using cascading
Code Listing 3.1: Installing slocate
# emerge slocate
9.d. File System Tools
Depending on what file systems you are using, you need to install the necessary
file system utilities (for checking the filesystem integrity, creating
additional file systems etc.).
The following table lists the tools you need to install if you use a certain
file system:
If you don't require any additional networking-related tools (such as rp-pppoe
or a dhcp client) continue with Configuring the
9.e. Networking Tools
Optional: Installing a DHCP Client
If you require Gentoo to automatically obtain an IP address for your network
interface(s), you need to install dhcpcd (or any other DHCP Client)
on your system. If you don't do this now, you might not be able to connect
to the internet after the installation!
If you are not installing Gentoo using cascading profiles dhcpcd will
already be part of your system. Cascading profiles are not used by default yet
so if you don't understand it you can assume that you're not using cascading
Code Listing 5.1: Installing dhcpcd
# emerge dhcpcd
Optional: Installing a PPPoE Client
If you need rp-pppoe to connect to the net, you need to install it.
Code Listing 5.2: Installing rp-pppoe
# USE="-X" emerge rp-pppoe
The USE="-X" will prohibit xorg-x11 to be installed as a dependency
(rp-pppoe has graphical tools; if you want those enabled, you can
recompile rp-pppoe later on or have xorg-x11 installed now -- which takes a
long time to compile).
Now continue with Configuring the
The contents of this document, unless otherwise expressly stated, are licensed under the CC-BY-SA-2.5 license. The Gentoo Name and Logo Usage Guidelines apply.
View all
Page updated October 9, 2004
As mentioned before, Gentoo is about choices. In this chapter we help you
choose and install some important tools.
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Revision Date:Dec 01, 2005
Publication Date:Aug 10, 2005
Discipline:Organizational Behavior
Source:Harvard Business School
Product number:
English Hardcopy Black & White
Also Available in:
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$ 6.93
Successful college basketball coach Bob Knight was fired from his long-time role as basketball coach at Indiana University and hired in the same role at Texas Tech. Considers these events in the context of his long career and provides a context for discussing various styles of power, influence, and persuasion in his leadership role as coach and educator.
learning objective:
To explore styles of power, influence, and persuasion through the leadership role of basketball coach Bob Knight, setting the stage for a discussion of how different styles are appropriate for different people and different situations.
subjects covered:
Coaching; Communication in organizations; Leadership; Mentoring; Power and influence; Teams
- Geographic: Indiana
- Geographic: North Carolina
- Geographic: Texas
- Industry: Arts, entertainment & sports
- Event Year Begin: 2004
- Event Year End: 2004


text:
Chicago wins series 4-3
|Game 1: Saturday, April 20th
|Recap »Boxscore »
|Game 2: Monday, April 22nd
|Recap »Boxscore »
|Game 3: Thursday, April 25th
|Recap »Boxscore »
|Game 4: Saturday, April 27th
|Recap »Boxscore »
|Game 5: Monday, April 29th
|Recap »Boxscore »
|Game 6: Thursday, May 2nd
|Recap »Boxscore »
|Game 7: Saturday, May 4th
|Recap »Boxscore »
Coverage: TNT
7:00 PM ET, April 29, 2013
Barclays Center, Brooklyn, NY
Top Performers
Chi: N. Robinson 20 Pts, 1 Reb, 8 Ast, 1 Stl
BKN: B. Lopez 28 Pts, 10 Reb, 2 Ast
Brook Lopez scores 28 points as Nets avoid elimination, force Game 6
NEW YORK -- Flourishing instead of fading in the fourth quarter, the Nets extended their first season in Brooklyn.
They need one more victory to set up the biggest game here yet.
Brook Lopez had 28 points and 10 rebounds, Deron Williams added 23 points and 10 assists, and the Nets beat Chicago 110-91 on Monday night, cutting the Bulls' lead to 3-2 in their first-round playoff series.
More Nets-Bulls Coverage
The resilient Nets, led by Brook Lopez's 28 points, took full advantage of their size inside to force Game 6 against the Bulls, Johnette Howard writes. Story
• Rapid Reaction
• Nets Blog | ESPNNewYork.com
The Bulls didn't bring their usual defensive intensity to Game 5 -- and the onus to win is on them now, Nick Friedell writes. Blog
Recovering from a collapse two days earlier that sent them home on the brink of elimination instead of tied, the Nets battered the Bulls on the boards and forced Chicago into being the team that wilted down the stretch.
"We came out very aggressive, as we have the past few games. I think the difference was just we sustained it for essentially a full 48 minutes tonight," Lopez said.
Andray Blatche scored 10 of his 13 points in the fourth quarter and Gerald Wallace had consecutive baskets in the finishing surge as the Nets finally pulled away in a game they led most of the way, but never by too much.
Two days after rallying for a 142-134 triple-overtime victory, the Bulls were outscored 15-1 at the finish and failed to set up a second-round series with Miami. Instead they will host Game 6 on Thursday.
"It was just a lot of mental mistakes. A lot of mental mistakes," Bulls center Joakim Noah said. "I feel like we had our chances. We beat ourselves. They played well. You've got to give credit when credit is due and now it's on us to come back and be ready for Game 6."
If the Nets win that one, they would host Game 7 on Saturday.
Nate Robinson had 20 points and eight assists starting in place of point guard Kirk Hinrich, who bruised his left calf in Saturday's game.
"For us, I knew it was going to be tough; it was going to be a challenge," Robinson said. "At the same time, we've been here before playing with a guy short. It's something we've got to do. We've just got to muster something and bring that energy and continue to play like we've been playing."
Nets Working Inside
The Nets scored 54 points in the paint in Game 5 and have eclipsed 50 paint points in both of their playoff wins against the Bulls. In their three losses, the Nets have averaged almost 15 fewer points in the paint, even after scoring 54 in Game 4, which went into triple overtime.
Nets in the Paint in Series vs. Bulls
|In Wins
|In Losses
|Pct of pts
|FG pct
|**36.7 PPG in regulation
-- ESPN Stats & Information
Only eight NBA teams have overcome a 3-1 deficit, but the Nets remained confident after Saturday's collapse, feeling they had outplayed the Bulls for long stretches during the series. They have led by double digits in four of the five games.
"I believed that we would respond," Nets interim coach P.J. Carlesimo said. "We've bounced back all year too well, and as disheartening a loss as that was on Saturday, there's still been enough good minutes in this series. Neither of us are getting away from each other."
But they need two more wins against a Bulls franchise that is 12-0 all-time when holding a 3-1 lead.
"We feel like we're the better team," Wallace said. "We've just got to play a 48-minute game completely and stay in attack mode."
Robinson scored 29 of his 34 points after the third quarter Saturday in a game the Nets led by 14 late in regulation. Coming off his big game and agitating to opposing fans even when he's struggling, Robinson was loudly booed during introductions, and each time he touched the ball early on.
He made a jumper with 4:17 remaining to cut Brooklyn's lead to 95-90, but there would be no charge this time. Lopez converted a three-point play, and after a free throw by Jimmy Butler, Wallace nailed a 3-pointer, then came up with a steal and dunk to give the Nets a 103-91 advantage with 2 minutes to go.
The Nets finished it off with ease, prolonging their first season since moving from New Jersey.
Butler scored 18 points for the Bulls, who were outrebounded 44-33 and gave up 24 second-chance points.
"That's the difference in the game, the rebounding," Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau said. "If you defend fairly well and then you give a team a second and a third crack at it, it's hard to win like that."
The Nets ran off seven straight points late in the first quarter, five from Lopez, to turn a 17-17 tie into a 24-17 lead.
Brooklyn got eight second-quarter points from Kris Humphries, then opened its biggest lead when Johnson and Wallace made consecutive 3-pointers before Lopez made two free throws to make it 50-40. The Nets led 52-44 at the break.
The Nets had the lead into double digits a few times in the third quarter but never built on it. The Bulls were back within four by the end of the period after making 11 of 16 shots (69 percent).
Butler made a 3-pointer to open the fourth quarter and make it a one-point game, but Chicago never could grab the lead in the final period.
Wallace scored 12 points and Reggie Evans grabbed 12 rebounds as the Nets improved to 6-0 all-time in Game 5s at home. They have never lost a series when holding home-court advantage.
Joe Johnson and C.J. Watson each scored 11 points.
Game notes
Carlesimo said it wasn't hard to ignore thoughts about his own future because the games come too quickly to worry about anything else. Though the Nets gave general manager Billy King a contract extension last week, it is unknown if Carlesimo will be back after leading the Nets to a 35-19 mark after replacing the fired Avery Johnson in late December. ... A number of New York Islanders were in the crowd at the franchise's future home. The NHL team plans to move from Long Island to Barclays Center in 2015.
Photo Wire
BROOKLYN, NY - APRIL 29: Prior to the Chicago Bulls playing the Brooklyn Nets in Game Five of the Eastern...(Photo by Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE via Getty Images)
Around The Association
MVP: Brook Lopez has been incredible this entire series, and this game was no exception. Lopez put up 28-10, was aggressive in the paint, and held Joakim Noah in check. He did everything you need him to do in an elimination game.
X factor: The Nets have been playing three-on-five for most of this series because of the offensive holes in Gerald Wallace's and Reggie Evans' games. Crash hit a clutch 3-pointer in the last three minutes and made a statement of a transition dunk the very next play.
That was how you close out a game: The Nets were up 14 with 3:15 left on Game 4 and they found themselves in a similar situation Monday night. Instead of missing wide-open dunks and letting Nate Robinson do insane Nate Robinson things, they played tight defense.
Research Notes
The Nets scored 54 points in the paint in Game 5 and have now eclipsed 50 paint points in both of their wins in the series. In their three losses, the Nets have averaged almost 15 fewer paint points even after scoring 54 in Game 4, which went into triple overtime.
The Bulls allowed 24 second-chance points to the Nets in Game 5. That's the most second-chance points allowed by the Bulls in a game this season.
With Kirk Hinrich out of the lineup for Game 5, Nate Robinson was the primary defender on Deron Williams. Williams made 6 of 10 shots and scored 19 of his 23 points with Robinson guarding him Monday. In the first four games of the series, Williams shot 33.3% (13 of 39) when guarded by Hinrich.
Deron Williams has his 2nd 20-point, 10-assist game in this postseason. The only other Nets player in the last 25 years with multiple 20-10 games in a single postseason was Jason Kidd in 2002 playoffs (had 5).
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Government Finance Officers Association of the United
States and Canada
203 N. LaSalle Street - Suite
2700 | Chicago, IL 60601-1210 | Phone: (312) 977-9700 - Fax: (312) 977-4806
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Tarps Plus super 18 oz coated green vinyl tarps are waterproof and have high tear and abrasion resistance. We manufacture these green polyester vinyl tarps that are oil, acid, grease and mildew resistant. Our super heavy duty 18 oz coated green vinyl tarps are great for trucking, roofing, construction, recreational and athletic products, industrial and agriculture purposes. 18 oz coated vinyl tarps make outstanding quality hay tarps and are a favorite with farmers.
Note: These are made to order tarps. This vinyl tarp is hand-sewn here in the United States. Due to an unusually busy season it now takes approximately 15 - 20 business days before your tarp is shipped to you. We appreciate your patience.