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Welcome to Hell: or The Grocery Store and Toddlers
Most days are spent in the earnest attempt to enjoy time with my children while expanding their horizons, other days are for errands, those are the days I dread. My children, like all others, have no patience for the grocery store. The place is filled with "We're not getting that", "Please don't touch", and "No running or there'll be no park later".
"Let's get dressed."
Thud…..thud…..thud…..thud…..all the way down the stairs.
"Lola wants that one Mama." For some inexplicable reason my daughter refers to herself in the third person.
"Which one?"
"Purple." She grabs her skirt, which is actually a tutu, it's purple...and sparkly.
"The purple skirt?"
"Yes." She squeals with delight.
"Me too." Kai chimes in.
"Well honey, the purple skirt is Lola's."
"Yeah, Charlie." Somewhere in the last two years, my daughter has renamed my son because of the cartoon Charlie and Lola.
"I want purple toooooo….." He starts to cry. Kai wants to be exactly like his sister and has now decided that purple is his favorite color too.
"I'm sorry, there's only one purple skirt."
"Nooooo….." He wails.
"How about this, if you wear your clothes, but put on the purple crown?"
"O….o….(sniffle)….kay." Melt down averted.
"That one Mama." Lola points to an orange shirt.
"That one?" I don't usually match myself, but this is taking it to extremes, "that one's so…bright."
"Lola wants THAT ONE." She yells face scrunching up, about to cry.
"Okay, okay, okay, that one is good." Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. Taste is relative.
We're finally ready to leave the house, Lola in her purple, sparkly skirt, striped tights, orange shirt and hot pink cowboy boots; Kai in his jeans, t-shirt, sandals...and purple crown. To the store we go, a one family circus.
Our grocery store has carts that have a car attached to the front; there are two-seater cars and one. This is fantastic except for the fact that the two-seater car has been out of commission for a month or so, making this little excursion a lot more challenging than it would be if there were no car at all.
"Mama, can I have a car puhhhleeeze..." Kai begs.
"We'll see if any are available." I silently pray that they are all out of sight, knowing the two-seater is broken and wanting to avoid the argument of who gets to ride first.
"I want a car too Mama."
"Well Lola, I don't see the car carts anywhere so I don't think anyone will be riding in the car."
"Right there!" She squeals and points at the coveted cart by the door, it's a one-seater.
"Okay, Kai asked first, so he gets the first half of the store. Kai..." He's already run to the car cart and jumped in, "…these are the rules for riding in the car, you switch with Lola at frozen food," the freezers are right smack in the middle, "and no matter what happens, nokickingnobitingnoscreamingnofightingnomoaningorgroaningnowhiningnobeggingnopleadingnocrying…..and under no circumstances will there be any grabbing of ANYTHING, or there will be no car for you." I said this all in one breath, "Do you understand me?" He bobs his head in automatic response not having heard a word I said. With the ground rules set my menagerie and I embark on the store.
Just inside the door is a security camera, the average person would never take notice, but the parent of a toddler understands the severe ramifications of a security camera with visible monitor in the entrance to any public building.
"Look Mama, I'm on T.V.!" Kai shouts waving madly at himself on the tiny screen. Lola begins a dance that looks like some kind of ritualistic, tribal convulsion.
"Very cool guys, but let's keep it moving please."
The entrance is more narrow than usual, lined with cases of soda and it is backing up because of us; fortunately the delayed shoppers think my little monkeys are cute. I nervously look back at them knowing the cute factor wears off after about 15 seconds. Lola happily moves on with me, but Kai has hopped back out and dances in the door. I leave the behemoth cart where it stands and dart back to grab my wayward entertainer. Children's flexibility will never cease to amaze me. When you are trying to grab a child that is acting out, they squirm like greased pigs and are nearly impossible to hold onto.
I always begin in produce, there is no logic to it really, fresh, ripe fruit and vegetables in the bottom of the cart just waiting to get smushed, and the temptation always proves too much for my daughter.
"Lola?" I don't even have to look.
"Please don't bite the fruit."
"Okay." She says mouth full of mango.
Lola loves fruit, she really loves fruit and bites her way through produce, by the time we hit meat there is a pile of fruit with one, small bite out of each and every one in the far corner of the basket. I think the grocery store ought to implement a system of weighing my children when we come in then weighing them again at checkout, I could simply pay for each additional ounce.
I want to meet the person who decides how to stack the shelves. We all already know it's deliberate the way all of the crap is strategically placed at pint size eye level, I want to meet this person... and beat them. What could be a quick, benign excursion inevitably turns into a nightmarish, trip to hell and back. Before I had children I wondered why parents didn't just explain to junior that they are being manipulated by pathetic marketing ploys and to just ignore it all and go merrily on their way. I don't think I need to expound upon my own ignorance.
The halfway point of the grocery store is frozen food, in front of the ice cream to be exact, but knowing full well the issues that would ensue if I spent any length of time in front of the ice cream I make them switch who's in the car at the waffles.
"Okay Kai, up and out, it's Lola's turn."
"It's Lola's turn." She quietly repeats.
"Enough Kai, get out please."
"Out Charlie." Lola, barely audible .
"I said no, no….NO." He's now raised his voice.
"Kai, it's Lola's turn, and I want you out NOW." I say just raising my voice enough so he takes me seriously, but not enough to get angry glares from the shoppers who are empty nesters who think he's adorable, and clearly have a lot of time between today and the three-year-old they raised. He hasn't budged and is now gripping the steering wheel of the little car, face set in a determined frown, staring straight ahead.That's it.
"One…" I lower my voice, which is much scarier to a three-year-old, because once you lower your voice they know you're serious, "two…" I'm fuming.
"STOP!" He yells, voice carrying over the giant freezers, rolling through the store that somehow has the most incredible acoustics. Fellow shoppers who don't have children politely avert their eyes, other mothers give me a sympathetic and knowing look, and from about five feet away I hear laughter. My face begins to burn. I turn, my eyes blazing at the thought of anyone encouraging this kind of behavior. My eyes fall upon a clerk of no more than 20 stocking the Hagen Daaz.
"He's funny." This boy-man says pointing to my son. My eyes lock into his and narrow to mere slits, slowly the goofy grin melts from his face and he quietly turns back to his project. My eyes whip back, without a word I point to Kai, snap and point at the floor in front of me. His eyes narrow and his lips purse, judging how far to push it. He decides against any further rebellion and slinks out of the car. Lola happily hops in. I squat down to buckle her in and hear…..whomp…..whomp…..whomp…..my son running away from me and around the corner as fast as his little legs will carry him. From one aisle over I hear shrill laughter. Now I'm ticked.
If you've ever seen the grocery carts with the cars attached to the front, they're about the size of an ocean liner and as easy to maneuver as a sedated hippopotamus, and they always have one, wanky wheel. Being right smack in the middle of the aisle it's easier to go forward than back. With as much speed as I can muster, I fly down the frozen foods and pull the tightest turn possible, plowing into a chip display, thankful it's not salsa in glass jars. Lola squeals with pure joy, and I see my son just turning the other corner, purple crown flying. No way I can catch up to him and he's too young to realize he's running right to me, I stop and wait just around the bend. He screams and laughs when he sees me and I grab not letting go. The sound of his laughter always makes me want to laugh, but despite the laughter, I can't let him think this is okay, and I kind of want to throttle him.
"Mama got Charlie, Mama got Charlie!" Lola claps and sings. Kai howls with laughter.
"Kai, look at me." He tilts his head and gives me the sweetest smile, "This behavior is not okay and I'm upset right now."
"You angry?" He asks genuinely not understanding why this game isn't as fun for me as it is for him.
I do sometimes forget he's three and not trying to make my life hell, just looking for a little fun, even at the grocery store. It's just that some days I'm exhausted and all the wrangling, discipline, and teaching feels like too much, but even on those days, I don't have a choice, this is my job.
"I'm not angry, but I'm not happy either. This is a store, not the playground. If you run away from me again, you immediately go into timeout." He nods his head and looks at me very seriously while I speak, then he gives me the biggest grin and throws his arms around my neck.
"Okay, okay, okay Mama. I'm happy see?" He grins, nose to nose with me, "Are you happy?" This really is his biggest concern. He wants to know that Mama is happy and he didn't do anything to make her angry.
"I'm happy." I say smiling. We hug and kiss.
"Lola's happy Mama." Lola says from the car in front. I give her a hug and kiss and we finish our shopping without further incident.
Preschool starts soon, and I swear to myself that once it does my children will not darken the door of another grocery store until they are living on their own.
Yes, that's what I hear, my best friend has children older than mine and I get to see and learn through her...although her children are freakishly obedient, well mannered, and polite (I'm not biased at all).
Thanks for reading and responding!
Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading Sheila Kitzinger and decorating the nursery. Here are eleven simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real life experience of being a mother or father
1. Women: Put on a dressing gown and stick a bean bag down the front. Leave it there for nine months. After nine months take out 10% of the beans. Men: go to the chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter and invite the pharmacist to help himself, then go to the supermarket and arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home pick up the paper and read it for the last time.
2. Before you go ahead and have children find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behaviour. Enjoy it - it will be the last time you have all the answers.
3. To discover how the nights will feel walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing about 8 - l0 lbs. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm clock for midnight and go to sleep. Get up at 12am and walk around with the bag again until 1am. Set the alarm for 3am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2 45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Set the alarm for 5am. Get up at 5am and make the breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out smear marmite on the sofa and jam on the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there throughout the Summer. Stick your fingers in the flower bed - then wipe them clean on the wall paper. Cover the stairs with crayons. How does that look?
5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. First buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus in the bag, so that none of its arms stick out. Time allowed for this - all morning.
6. Take an egg carton, Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet roll tube. Using only Copydex and a piece of foil make a Christmas cracker. Last take a milk container, ping-pong ball and an empty packet of Cocoa Pops then make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations you have just qualified for a place on the Playgroup Committee.
7. Forget the Peugeot 205 and buy a Sierra. And don't think you can leave it on the driveway spotless and shining, family cars don't look like that. Take a choc-ice and put it in the glove compartment and leave it there. Get a 20p piece, stick it in the cassette player. Take a family sized pack of chocolate biscuits, mash them down the back seat. Take a garden rake - run it along both sides of the car. There - perfect.
8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the loo for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come back in again, go out, come back in again, go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes. Stop to inspect every cigarette end, piece of chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect on the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you have had just about as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out to stare at you. Give up and go back home again. Do it all over again. You are now just about ready to take a small child for a walk.
9. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is ideal. If you intend to have more than one child then take more than one goat. Buy your groceries without letting the goats out of' your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even consider having children.
10. Hollow out a melon, make a small hole in the side, suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now take a bowl of soggy Weetabix and try to spoon it into the swaying melon whilst pretending to be an aeroplane. Continue until half the Weetabix has gone, tip the rest in your lap making sure that a lot of it ends up on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12 month old baby.
11. Learn the names of every character from the Care Bears, Postman Pat, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find yourself singing "I wanna be a Care Bear" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.
@Not Yet: Don't miss! I'll send you mine and Grandma and I will go on a real vacation!
@GeeBee: I lived in London for a few months, so I am familiar with Weetabix...I actually LOVE them! Thank you for the laugh!!
@ Elisa, thank you!! I was so excited I screamed all the way down the hall...Kai and Lola and I jumped up and down, then they stopped and asked, "Why are we jumping up and down?"
But they're so darn cute at that age, aren't they?
@Lisa, well I'm told it gets easier...although I've been told that since the day they were born and I'm still waiting... ; -) , glad we're in it together!
@ Eden...people take toddlers out to dinner? I watched waaaay too much Super Nanny to do that. I was terrified, I have NEVER been in control and did not venture into restaurants with my kids until they were on the older side of 4...I'm a big ole chicken.
@Scanner, wow. I have only been here for a few days, but I am such a big fan. You, Donna, Elisa, Colleen...there are a few people I've been reading and following who I JUST DIG! Anyway Scanner, thank you...and when I saw you commented I got really excited, so thanks again for commenting and sharing your work with us, I've really enjoyed it.
Thank you all for your support!!
Well, you say I should enjoy it...I'm thinking summer vacation with Lulu and Phoebe so I can start appreciating the good old days now...whatcha think? Or even better, I'll send the kids there, you send the doggies here...romping on the beach (we'd hit Hilton Head), rawhides (for them, not me), and chasing balls (tennis for them, male for me)...no? Think about it it would be like a cultural exchange!
Thanks for reading!
@ Lorna, I know! What I fear most is that hex my mother put on me, the "I hope you have one just like you someday"...I think it stuck.
And then there was my son, so gifted at sneaking toddler boys' clothing into the cart at the local megamart, then pulling them out in pure delight in the parking lot. Money? What's that for? You mean they weren't just giving these T-shirts away? But look! It's my size! and my favorite superhero is on the front!
This aspect of raising children does get better. But be prepared: things get different. You might as well get ready now for middle school and adolescence. You'll need a head start, trust me. And it's worth at least a trial run at the veneration of Saints Margarita and Cosmopolitan.
Thanks for the funny and oh-so-true article.
And, yes, welcome to hell...thanks to people like you that bring the ill mannered, out of control rug rats to the store...it's funny how people don't see that THEY ARE THE PROBLEM...LEAVE YOUR RUG RATS IN THE CAR...IN THE TRUNK...I DON'T CARE!
FURTHERMORE, there are too many brain dead adults in the stores too!
They take up an entire aisle with their cart and stupid, self centered oblivious fat asses...just standing there...blocking the whole aisle...blindly staring at junk food...salivating...while some of us just want get a few items and get the fcuk out of there! They can't die of obesity quick enough for me!
Either my husband did the shopping or he stayed with the kids while I went. It was heaven!
I think I'll go kiss him right now!!
@Ladyslipper, lol! I don't drink, but I'm thinking LOTS of spa days, so I need to start saving now!
@ RavingBits, thank you! I look forward to reading your work.
@ jane...sigh...I've heard stories about people who shop with only one child...sigh...I have dreams like that...
@ AG, your insult might actually have an effect if you knew the difference between Kia and Kai...Kia is a car, Kai is not.
@ Ruby, you are a lucky woman!!
@ Blue, I have NOT seen those little carts! Ugh, who would DO that?? I would probably just cry at the sight of them. LOL!
Thank you for reading and responding everyone, yes, even the angry people, they remind me why I am SO lucky and SO grateful today!
The ad was for condoms.


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I own just two guns. A SIG Ultra Compact 1911 3.3" barrel and a Kimber Crimson Ultra Carry 3" barrel. Put a blind fold on and you wouldn't know a dam difference. Well you would but you know what I mean. But for some reason people swear by only the internal extractor 1911s. But they have no real reason for such devotion. If your only reason is because "that's how John Moses Browning made it" you're missing out on some good guns. You are not your extractor.
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I agree but it is John Moses Browning not "Jim Browning.
I'm gonna stop you right there, you just said an AR-15 is a high-powered rifle. It is obvious you don't know anything about guns and I shall ignore anything you say from this point on.
errrrrr DOH!
This sounds like a sequel to the infamous "decocker" thread.
i just look at as the external being a cheap cost cutting measure making it easier to make a gun that runs ok. it takes some hand fitting and more difficult machining to make the cuts on the slide for the internal extractor. putting an external extractor on a 1911 is kinda like... a rolls royce lowrider. it will get ya point a to b but in very bad taste
"Gun control: The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her panty hose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound." L. Neil Smith The problem with being stupid is you cannot simply decide to stop doing dumb things... "I crapped my pants to avoid the draft!!" -Ted Nugent
i don't see a problem with an external extractor, but from a personal preference i would rather have the original internal extractor. many other pistol designs have external extractors and they work just fine, but when it comes to the 1911, i am a purist and want it pretty much as it has been for over 100 years.
An external extractor on a 1911 would not be a deal stopper for me as long as the pistol manufacturer had a tract record of his working. But, those with internal extractors will be above it on my wish list. I didn't know Kimber still used an external as mine has internal. I'd read that they tried them, had problems & went back to internal. Guess that is wrong.

subset: commoncrawl


text: Im looking for an all leather AWIB for a Ruger SP101 2 1/4. Preferably with a leather or steel clip/loop, im not a fan of the comptac clips, i have a knack at breaking them. Im a holster snob so I want it to look good, with detailed boning. 5-10 degree muzzle forward rake. Any suggestions?


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2011 Kia Sorento Mirror
This is the cheapest I could find this part after looking around for a week. When it arrived 3 days after placing my order, I removed it from the box. I'm guessing that it must of been a new person that packed it cause it had no padding in there. Now picture glass and plastic unpadded in a box. Needless to say I was PO as I poured it out of the box. I then went on their website and told them how I received it. And no questioned asked they just said send it back and I had my refund the next day. I have done business with them before and I will only use them from now on.
perfect service!!
the best !!!
Received mirror in timely manner. Is a perfect replacement! Painted itveh base color and clear coat- can not tell the difference from when new>
This was shipped out within 2 days of ordering and in my hands within 5! It was a perfect fit and great quality.
Websiste was easy to navigate; part was shipped very quickly; item was exactly what was needed to fix vehicle; would definitely order from PartsGeek again.


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Please use this identifier to cite or link to this item: http://hdl.handle.net/1928/12335
Title: | Hinterland Electrification Strategy |
Author: | Office of the Prime Minister, Guyana |
Subject: | Guyana Latin America Electric Power Production Energy Industries Hydropower Biofuels Biomass Solar Energy Wind Renewable Alternative |
Abstract: | The Government of Guyana, as part of its socio-economic development and poverty alleviation objective, has embarked on a program to extend electricity to unserved areas where extension of existing distribution networks is deemed to be economically feasible. This document outlines the electrification strategy being used. This strategy includes a description of the potential energy sources in the area (solar, hydropower, wind, biomass, biofuel, diesel) and specifies an approach to test their viability for hinterland electrification. |
Date: | 2007-01 |
Publisher: | Office of the Prime Minister, Guyana |
Citation: | Hinterland Electrification Strategy (2007), Office of the Prime Minister, Guyana; online at: http://www.electricity.gov.gy/Hinterland%20Electrification%20Strategy.pdf |
Description: | Public domain government document re-posted as part of an Institutional Repository collection to aggregate energy policy. Also available freely online at: http://www.electricity.gov.gy/Hinterland%20Electrification%20Strategy.pdf |
URI: | http://hdl.handle.net/1928/12335 |
Files | Size | Format | View |
Hinterland%20Electrification%20Strategy.pdf | 447.8Kb |
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Allegri appointed new Juventus boss
Massimiliano Allegri was on Wednesday appointed the new manager of Serie A champions Juventus less than 24 hours after Antonio Conte quit the post.
Allegri has been out of work since his sacking by AC Milan in January. The 47-year-old won the title in his first season (2010/2011) in charge.
Milan finished runners-up the following campaign before the club's fortunes dipped.
Conte, who left Juve after guiding the club to a third consecutive title, is tipped to succeed Cesare Prandelli as national team manager.
Prandelli stood down after Italy's first round knockout at the World Cup.
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