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Monday, January 26, 2009
Do sociopaths love?
Love may be blind for empaths, but a sociopath sees your faults clearly and loves you still. The sociopath's piercing eyes are not only unsettling because of their unwavering constancy, but because the sociopath's eyes can pierce through to your very soul, leaving you naked before his gaze. The sociopath's ignorance or disinterest in social norms means that he will not see you as the world sees you but how you truly are. They're free of the rose-colored glasses empaths falling in "love" often wear. I imagine this ability would be particularly appealing to those whose role in society doesn't reflect their true worth: members of disfavored races or socioeconomic backgrounds, the too-smart-for-their-own-good crowd, the still-waters-run-deep.
Sociopaths have a genius for adoring. Their understanding of your wants and needs matched with their charm and flexible personality mean that they can and will literally become the man or woman of your dreams. In fact, when I love, my first step is to gather as much information as possible about every aspect of the person's life in order to more closely resemble their ideal mate.
The closest analog to a sociopath's love is probably the love of a child: intense, accepting, selfish. And finally, like a child, the sociopath will be extremely loyal. A sociopath will never put you above himself, but he will readily put you above all others.
1,097 comments:
- AnonymousJanuary 28, 2009 at 5:13 PM
I wouldn't think of it as intimidation, more of a challange. but if the game got old and no new patterins grow it would become tiresome, it may be a powerstruggle but if both are going after that. I myself may get tired of not being in control( or being controlled willingly) it gets old if theres no change =\ it all depends on the socio, we aren't all the same. We prefer differint patterins (type of persons).
Personly I can't stand passive women *Laughs* - AnonymousFebruary 2, 2009 at 10:07 PM
"in fact, when i love, my first step is to gather as much information as possible about every aspect of the person's life in order to more closely resemble their ideal mate."
Isn't that a LOT of effort to sustain that? Especially when it is not engined by limerance and such natural and effortless energies? An earlier post of yours said sociopaths get into relationships not for love but for things like money or sex or comfort (and I thought don't everybody but that's another issue) and posts by other sociopaths also suggest a kind of detached attachment not for the person but for the benefits of the relationship. Although in your post you did say, sometimes for a while sociopaths kid themselves they are in love. I suspect sociopaths are just as capable of the limerance kind of fiery love but not the oxytocin kind of love-the longer-term, stable companionate sort that usually kicks in a little later for neurotypicals.(I read in a paper about aspies that they too have brain wiring that's not conducive to oxytocin). So that post limerance, there is no 'natural' engine and its all a rational detached decision if one wants to remain in a relationship. GOD, the effort!! Well, in a way, it's a bigger love then.
-mk Honestly, I feel like the first response to my original comment was just pathetic/sad.
The thing is, when what the next "anonymous" poster referred to as limerEnce (no "a's" in "limerence") is being initiated by a sociopath (and I have a hard time believing that a sociopath could even develop limerence, much less oxytocin-based long-term love), for the sociopath it is ONLY a game. It is not out of concern for the object of their conquest - they want them for themselves, they don't want to give equally. For the sociopath, it is a GAME. For the other person (assuming they're not a sociopath), it is NOT a game. I think that people who PLAY GAMES in love, as opposed to people who are more emotionally healthy and less likely to play games, often end up WINNING because for them, it's all about strategy, whereas for the other person, they are driven crazy, assuming they fall for the sociopath's game, and they commit all sorts of errors. I've seen this before, actually.
The sad fact is that the sociopath never truly loves and is arguably never loved. The rather uncommon, rather giving and forgiving and compassionate person may actually care about the sociopath, knowing what they are, hoping that intense loyalty and therapy and affection and caring will somehow start to lift the sociopath out of sociopathy. I do think it's possible. But if it doesn't happen, then the sociopath, although possibly an abuser, is the one who really loses, because they never do realize what it means to be HUMAN. They do not experience the synergy of love in a caring relationship. And they will most likely be surrounded by people too clueless to pinpoint who they are, or people who fear them, or people who despise them. They will *not* be truly, wholly, and fully respected and loved by anyone, excepting only the most saintly, loving people around (who love just about anybody, anyway).
In other words, if you trick somebody into loving you, they don't actually love you. You have only grabbed onto an illusion.
And passivity can often be a manifestation of laid-back confidence. Aggression can often be a manifestation of an intensely needy person who is deeply insecure.- AnonymousFebruary 15, 2009 at 12:37 PM
@Milo: I suppose neither of us can say for certain if a sociopath feels limerEnce or not-that would be the stuff of actual research with responsive sociopaths. But I still wish to make clear how I came to that, as weak as the 'evidence' may be .
(1) Online forums being anonymous can be assumed to be revealing 'what is'-and amongst the scores of confessions/revelations I've read, while there have been many sociopaths saying 'I have never felt the searing kind of love' there are also a few who have claimed to love rarely and ephemerally (spell right?). M.E. herself/himself said something to the effect of 'for a period sociopaths may even convince themselves they are in love' in a previous post which too seemed to suggest passing love. (in that post her/his main thrust was sociopaths can't love, so he/she can't be lying to seduce some reader, sorry M.E. for 'analysing' your motives in your own blog :(, but hell you taught me most of what I know about sociopathy anyway)
2) VIVIDLY remember Bundy's biography, where he was quite intensely into this chick (but yes, there was a game element which I'll come to)
3) My own experiences with a professionaly diagnosed sociopath and a suspected sociopath (I too am a scientist and I label responsibly, so! Grrr!)
But more interesting is what sociopaths might mean when they say they are in love and if that is like limerence.
a) Limerence itself has a game aspect-it is supposed to be sustained in that balance between reciprocation and non-reciprocation (like Desai says 'love is in that gap between desire and satiation', typical limerence!) My current love interest (the sociopath suspect, let's call him R)is saying alarming things like 'discomfort makes the pleasure, all the more pleasurable' and 'it is death that we have to thank, for making life so precious'. Socipaths are good at playing with people's ardour and/or pleasure to these rules, but I also think they themselves are susceptible to it. A biographer read Bundy's intense pursuit of his disinterested love-interest and his sudden cut-off after she succumbed as though he was disappointed with the love in hand-once it was in hand (limerence drops when mutuality is acknowledged)(apparently, Bundy's killing spree started shortly following this apparent disillusionment).
b) So the game aspect in limerence is linked to the feeling aspect. Once the games are over, unless the companionate oxytocin stuff hasn't kicked in, people part. And for people who feel that intensely and who prize that, the companionate thing can be 'boring'in relation (I know...sad.). My ex (the sociopath) says 'hell I wish it wasn't all or nothing for me' (and I believe him, I get him, I think sociopaths feel/felt too much but that's another theory). So anyway point being, I suspect sociopaths feel (well my ex did in ways)-if intense interest and obsession with the love-interest can be called feeling.
c) Yes, but concern for the other was absent-the wonderfully apt analog M.E. talks of-the intense selfish love of a child. My ex tried to hide it, but there were enough slips to suggest he was EXTREMELY possessive. He also hurt-where he wrongly (or maybe rightly) suspected my reciprocal interest was waning (another limerence marker)-he admitted his feelings of insecurity on a few occasions, afterwards but which I knew of anyway (and the funny thing was I too mirror people's expectations of me, I think uber empaths do, so when he expected insincerity, I'd actually BECOME insincere, so it became a dwindling vicious cycle kind of thing).
But ofcourse everyone knows limerence isn't REAL love :), it's selfish (personally, I LOVE how it makes me feel)passing.
As to loving a sociopath knowing them to be one, you are right, all love is selfish and since the cost benefit won't pan out well for them, most people won't love sociopaths but most empathic people are also not 'truly, wholly and fully respected and loved' by anyone.
-mk I didn't read the comments so I might be repeating something.
This is how I would say that I operate, I match EXACTLY to how you put it--which I find somewhat eerie.
However, it seems all psychology literature considers 'sociopaths' to have 'incapacity to love'.
This blog--to me--seems to redefine the whole concept of a sociopath and I seem to fit to it for the most part.
The real question is, is this blog a correct redefining of the concept or is it a wrong one?
Who knows.- AnonymousAugust 1, 2009 at 9:26 PM
Sociopaths do not love. You are describing another type of social deviant personality, one where the traits overlap to some degree with those exhibited by a sociopath.... but you are NOT discussing a sociopath here.
The human condition takes many forms, there's a much wider population of types within the spectrum "normal" and sociopath.... most of which probably aren't classified... and some may be subsets of others.
The difficulty is .... there are also a great number of people with low-self esteem, and a desire to have some type of unique / mysterious identity..... so self-diagnosing over the internet can be appealing for them. The vast majority of you are NOT medical professionals, which isn't to say that we can't be self-observant.... but some of you really need to stop e-diagnosing after reading some blog posts and perusing wikipedia.
ps - this is not a personal dig on the author of this blog, you have some interesting posts that make it worth reading... you should caution your readership against its 'me too' mentality though.
-PB - AnonymousAugust 3, 2009 at 3:09 AM
Considering so few can be actually qualified clinically as sociopathic..I think we have some seriously lost people here who would like to identify with sociopathic personalities without actually being one themselves. Simply saying that you do x, y or z and equating it to sociopathy does not mean you are sociopathic or even have sociopathic tendencies. Grow up..and snap the fuck out of it...you do NOT want to be a sociopath!
ReplyDelete lol... oh man! I love reading the comments on here almost as much as the blogs. How some people seem to feel the need to post a whole blog of their own as their comment.How happy it must be to have so much knowledge of things, and the need to share this expert knowledge with such enthusiasm; for free... how noble we must be. :)
ReplyDelete- AnonymousSeptember 12, 2009 at 6:53 PM
Recently & suddenly my two year relationship ended with a man I found out to be a sociopath. This mental disorder (its not a disease) is up there with physical abuse - constant lying, covering up, mental cruelty, stealing, using & debasing people even supposed "loved ones" like their child -- these type of people do not know what love is. Every action is solely self-serving and is about control. They create fantasies about who they are & where they come from -AND beleive them!
My friends and family all knew me as a strong, confident, independent woman asked how could this have happened. I still ask why did he chose me and everyday I work at building the blocks of my life, my heart and my soul. - AnonymousSeptember 22, 2009 at 6:00 AM
I do not agree. My boyfriend is a sociopath and he loves me but he cheats on me and lies to me and then calls ME a psycho when i confront him and then when I'm so heartbroken and I start to cry , he gets so angry I actually get scared. And he never feels remorse. He is manipulative and can convince anybody almost ANYTHING. He goes out and charms young girls by saying " If you would have told me you loved me , we would be together" but then comes home to me and says he only wants me . He got my name tattooed but yet he tells my best friend he wants to be with her ( and then tells me she is discusting and jealous of us )
He cant handle it when I find out he cheated and somehow ends up turning it around on me. I dont know what to do anymore. I love him with all my heart and we have a kid together. if i only could be sure that he was capable of love, but from what i have read, sociopaths are incapable of loving,. - AnonymousOctober 20, 2009 at 7:36 AM
Your boyfriend 'loves' you I'm sure in the same way I 'love' my girlfriend, the only way we can.
Our role in a relationship can vary greatly, but what I think it really comes down to in a successful relationship with a sociopath is being aware of what they do, being able to get them to express what they do and why to you, finding some way to be OK with the basic aspects, and working with them to compromise so you both are getting something productive out of the relationship. Mutual understanding is key here, communication never stops being the pivotal factor.
I've gotten to the point where my super-empath girlfriend understands that I won't ever be able to connect with her on a strictly emotional level. She understands that I'm with her because she's a bi-polar super-empath and dealing with her keeps me on edge.
I've cheated on her with an ex-girlfriend early in the relationship, after which and a few months I told her about. She was saddened, but she knows why I did it and how it didn't change how I feel about her and what she means to me, which is what she fell in love with in the first place. Then there's the games we both know we play on each other and drive ourselves and each other crazy with.
Other than that, she's emotionally over-reactive because of her bi-polarity so my 'under-reactivity' drives her doubly insane. She's hesitant to share her emotions with me vocally because she knows that it doesn't impact me in the same way it does her, she wonders what's the point. I try to reassure her though, that while I don't emotionally connect to whatever problem she's/we're going through, I still need to hear the information in order to make some sort of difference.
I don't really know how long-winded all that was, but my point is:
If you want a sociopath to see things your way, you can't get them to understand or agree with you if you're using emotionally biased reasoning. You can't use emotions to express to us why you want us to do something. All we can do with your emotions is react to them, we don't feel or truly understand them. Rather, in order to make us understand where you're coming from, try to find logical and practical reasons for us to act the way you want us to.
As much control as we seem to have over our and others' little worlds, if you know what you're doing you can create an environment in which we are very easily controlled. It just may mean using our tactics against us.
Having said all that, my girl is the one reason I'm able to have realized any of these things, and for that, I love her.
I hope I've helped.
-Morpheus - AnonymousOctober 29, 2009 at 6:11 AM
Intense, selfish desire is not the same thing as love.
--lurker - AnonymousNovember 6, 2009 at 5:36 AM
All love is selfish.
I personally like to think that the experts are full of shit when they say a sociopath can't love, being 'normal' people and all. I really doubt half of them have the mental capacity to understand their own head let alone a sociopaths.
As a sociopath i believe i LOVE my husband AND our girlfriend.
I really don't enjoy having to question what i think i feel about them in terms of love because of something I've been labelled as. I was pleasantly surprised to come across this. Thanks.
Lisa - AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 at 7:19 PM
Anonymous, you who wrote on September 12, 2009 at 6:53 - are you me? You are describing to a "T" what happened to me this past two months. I still do love this man terrifically, and yet he scares me half to death.
He claims he loves me. I believe that is true. But I just can't be with him, because I'm certain that if I am, he will hurt me.
This has been the worst couple months of my life. Right now I just want him out of my life, but he's so obsessed with me - he won't go. Is that love? Or is that just a selfish requirement on his part to not admit that he lost someone who really was a "good catch" for him? Thank you for writing about the capacity of a sociopath to have love. I am frustrated by how society paints us: cold, heartless, monsters who are completely without morals. Well, we're not. At least this is the view of a diagnosed sociopath who is trying to live in the civilized world. I have morals, just not like those of most other people. Laws are suggestions not absolutes. Some are realistic, others are not.
Regarding love, I love my boyfriend as I have never loved anyone. And it is intense, wild, passionate and amazing. Have I cheated on him, lied to him, manipulated him? Of course. Do I hold remorse for my actions? Not particularly. I just got tired of dealing with the repercussions of my actions and stopped some of the behaviors. But this brings us the fundamental question: What is love? Do we follow a biblical viewpoint (e.i. Love is not jealous, it bears all things, believes all things... Love never fails) or another viewpoint? Perhaps the acceptance of another person's flaws and assets and the enjoyment and desire to spend time with that person getting to know them?
Personally, I know I'm challenged in my capacity to be selfless with another person. I can give of myself, but there's always a motive. If you don't respond to my liking, be assured I'll manipulate you until I get what I desire. However, I find great enjoyment in getting to know people intimately (not always sexually).
"The sociopath's ignorance or disinterest in social norms means that a sociopath will not see you as the world sees you but how you truly are. i imagine this ability would be particularly appealing to those whose role in society doesn't reflect their true worth: members of disfavored races or socioeconomic backgrounds, the too-smart-for-their-own-good, the still-waters-run-deep."
I find this especially true. My boyfriend is also a sociopath. He determined long ago that love was not in the cards for him due to his sordid past and inability to connect emotionally. It's a logically sound situation: 2 people with an inability to fully connect emotionally, who both have pasts full of cold-hearted but well planned criminal activities and infidelity in romantic relationships. I love him and he loves me in that we accept each other for what the other is and are fascinated by each other. Granted, it's not the chocolates and roses love my parents have, but it works.
Some of the people I hold the dearest to me are sociopaths. I've often viewed my ability to get someone to open up to me and be emotionally vulnerable within minutes of meeting me is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I can shape the future interaction with ease. On the other hand, they end up thinking it means something much more than it does to me and get hurt by my lack of genuine emotional response. Again, not so much regret or guilt, more laziness toward dealing with their reaction.
With other sociopaths, I believe there is fear of rejection, inability to respond emotionally and the ever-present wall so many of us have built. We get sick of being rejected, of being labeled, judged or "fixed." When someone gets past the wall of a sociopath, they will typically find a deep pool of human emotions they didn't expect. These emotions are shown to few and are always followed by efforts to re-establish comfortable emotional distance. If you're not a sociopath and you had the opportunity to "swim in the pool," feel privileged, as few do. We're lonely, misunderstood people.
The self-imposed and societal ostracization of sociopaths fuels our need to act as we do. If people act as fools, they should be treated as such. Or so my brain tells me. Use cool logic to twist their minds up. Take from them when they leave the door open. When I interact productively with non-sociopaths, it reminds me of the limited capacity I have to be human. It reminds me why I want to be and feel human. Connecting with people and viewing them as humans, not as commodities, is the only solution I've found remotely effective.The way love is defined varies from person to person. Some of the comments here from sociopaths seem to hold the belief that a loved partner is the person you most treasure, someone that is considered a favorite person. Someone that is able to evoke passion, intensity, thrilling and great emotions and many other great feelings. However, not everyone defines it that way.
I define love as two people who are most empathic towards each other. Empaths have the ability to truly feel what another person is feeling, while not exact in scope or accuracy, the emotion is always of the same color. I believe that the more I care about someone the more empathetic I can feel towards them. I am less likely to care about a boy dying in Africa as much as I am likely to care that my mother had a bad day.
I also believe that love is selfish. However, the selfishness of a sociopathic love, and the selfishness of an empathic love seem to be two different things.
From what I gather, love is selfish for sociopaths in the manner that, if something were to benefit the partner while being detrimental in any way for the sociopath, the situation would be manipulated to suit the selfish needs of the sociopath. Regardless of the emotions of the partner. It's fairly straightforward.
The selfishness of an empathic love is entirely different. Empaths very rarely can ever choose their emotions, or when to be empathetic about something. Most of the time the empathy is like a tide that takes the empath prisoner. Often times when it is most inconvenient. The way it is selfish is that our motivations for being focused on the other person is because there is something in it for us, when we do something for them it makes us feel better. When an empath is in love, they not only share the sorrows of their partner but also the joys. When they are happy we are happy, when they are sad, we are sad. To which point, if my mother is feeling sad, I am sad. Even if I don't want to be, I just can't help feeling that way. So, I might attempt to make her smile or give her a present or a hug. Then, I feel better too. It's the instinctual give and take that empaths are born with, which helps the world go round, so to speak.
So, yes, love is selfish. But selfish in different ways. Empathic love, is the symbiotic give and take of emotions, that normally benefits both parties for general happiness and effectiveness. Sociopathic love, seems more complicated, in that it seems be entirely self-servile, and more difficult to get a compromise, seeing as the symbiosis instinct is absent.- AnonymousDecember 18, 2009 at 3:00 PM
The key phrase is that the sociopath will "attempt to resemble" a person's ideal partner. they aren't the ideal partner, and since they have no concept of how to be right for anyone, they monitor, adapt themselves and ACT the part. sociopaths do not love. they do not make good partners. they are only acting. woe to the person who has not had a real relationship.
ReplyDelete Ah, the "anonymous" poster. You're obviously an empath who's been burned a time or two by a smooth criminal. Try dating some of your fellow empaths and leave the sociopaths alone. If you're determined to get burned again, you deserve what misery you suffer. If you're fascinated by what makes us tick, go back to school and become a sociologist. Or, if you're stupid enough to think you can earn a PHD in sociology by reading this forum, posting asinine comments anonymously and having even MORE sociopaths bring to light your ignorance and berate you for it, once again, you deserve your misery.That being said, I realized recently one of my favorite love songs is a very apt description of how sociopaths love. It's called "Stay" by Goldfinger.And if I'm sorryDoes that mean I have to change?'Cause change does scare meI'd like to know how I would feelAnd if you'll have meWell, I won't leave or make you hurtBecause I need youAnd I hopeYou'll let me stay... Let me staySo when I see youPlease understand the way I thinkYour smile, it heals meI never want to go awayBelieve I love youNo matter how selfish I getI know you'll help meThe way I feel I won't forgetLet me stay... So let me stayLet me stayI feel so cold sometimesI turn my faith to fearI feel so lost sometimesCan you find it?Can you find it?(I altered the lyrics by deleting some of the repetition.)It's very hard for me to conceptualize how empaths love. I believe it's human nature to try to be what one's perceived partner desires. I believe all humans do that to a certain extent.For the record, I don't become what my lover desires, my lover becomes what I desire them to be. A point of clarification for empaths out there who think it's the other way around. Because my needs are a whole lot more important to me than your needs seem to you. I may draw someone in with the window dressing allure of the perfect partner (typically, I observe them at a distance for a time before I make my move so that I figure out what motivates them and seduce accordingly. This gives me the opportunity to put together an escape plan as well for when I get bored or things get hairy). But ultimately the changes I'm willing to make are minimal, surface level at best. My motivation to change is external. When the pain of doing something becomes too great to me, I'll do something about it, regardless of whether or not it has put you through hell in the process. Because your emotions don't have a bearing in how my decisions are made.Nagging doesn't work with me. I've observed most sociopath to have a better ability to tune things out than empaths. Besides, when you nag, you are obviously wrapped up in my world and reality and unable to take your focus off me. I like negative attention, it's what I'm used to.From my experience, sociopaths don't change or become better partners unless they want to and unless they choose to. And we will do things that cause you to leave, still desperately wanting us if you push us too far or evoke repressed pain, fear, or shame within our psyche. You'll not realize you've done it until we disappear or drop some bomb on you and watch you react with a sense of smug satisfaction and an ice-cold lack of emotion.If you're an empath who doesn't find us to be a suitable match, DON'T DATE US!! Fairy tales don't come true. You won't succeed at turning a "beastly" sociopath into a "prince" with your kindness, love, and commitment to changing them. Be fascinated at a distance. Watch movies about sociopaths and love the characters. That is, unless you're a sadist. And if you keep getting in relationships with people who hurt you, you may very well be.-Wildchil
ReplyDelete- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2010 at 5:26 PM
i'm pretty sure you're rong. sociopaths are often extremely narcissitic. They put themselves over all others.
they usually only are interested in sex, money, and power.
nothing else.
they do not feel love and don't really care about anyone.
ever. Hi everyone,
I was curious if you could answer a question of mine regarding the male sociopath in a relationship.
My bf and I have been dating for a bit over a year and a half. He is 42 and I am 33.
I never though he was cheating till last summer, in August when I discovered that he was maintaining 4 relationships of the same intensity. Basically were were all his girlfriends, he took us all on trips, met his friends, family members overseas, etc.
The other girls dumped him. I decided to stay because I really want him. He also had a secret dating profile behind my back which he never took off, and he might have more.
I thought the cheating would stop, and thought it had all these months. I found his email open and there are tons of emails with this one girl(gorgeous girl), dating back 3 months now, and saying how he feels close to her, and asking her erotic questions etc, and how he is making plans with her to meet and all the things they will do together when they finally do (some are sexual as well).
He even mentioned that he "is dating a girl" meaning me I guess, and says to her "she is interesting really, but I always hung out with such girls, who knows what happens in the future haha"
Am I wasting my time? Do you think he will marry me?
HIs uncle told me he has been this way for 20 years having multiple relationships.
He also finds nothing wrong with his behavior, yet he lies a lot and has so much cheating history.
Does this sound like a sociopath?
and also, will he stop cheating?
I would appreciate some answers form both empaths BUT ESPECIALLY SOCIOPATHS.
Thank you,
i am kind of in an odd mood tonight. i think i have probably had too much to drink or some sh** but i will answer your question since no one else has.
forget you care for him ... forget you love and take away all the crap about this guy that keeps you around and look at it logically. when he started dating you he was also seeing a bunch of other chicks right? but he didn't leave them for you ...they left him(smart girls) but you stuck around (not smart)he stuck with you because you were the only one left. now he is trying to rack up some more girls for his roster and you know it. he must not have taken great pains to hide it so he really didn't even care if you knew even though chances are it was going to hurt you ... hence he doesn't CARE about you. so even if he did plan to settle with you and ask you to marry him would you really want to be with some dude who doesn't care about you? maybe i don't want to know how it feels to be in blissful love because it seems it is also followed by blissful ignorance.
i do agree with the author here though about love coming only with purpose. i would say i am more conscitious about the people i choose to be affectionate to than probably the other people floating through love. i take alot of effort to express myself in a way that would be totally irresistable to the man for whatever reason i want but it doesn't really have that feeling. i need something... and i will get bored if i don't get it or i get it and that was all i needed. if that person loses his purpose in my life i have no problem moving on to the next best thing if the next best thing is a relationship or whatever.
i have bonds with .....no nevermind no i don't ... i don't think of myself as superficial though. i have good reasons for doing everything i do therefore the relationships are never all for not and i don't hate anyone. i don't hate empaths or apaths. they all at one time or another on an individual basis will serve their purpose for me. i don't objectify ... every person who i let have a piece of my life whether fake or semi-truthful who shares their innermost secrets with me and gives me all of them as long as they aren't complete dumba**es get a smile from me every now and again. there are some i respect and that is the best way i think i can get along with someone. the rest bore me. if i can carry on a lie with you and you are willing to play along with my story than you will quickly bore me or irritate me or make rouse my suspicion. if you attack me with questions i will turn and run the other way but if you just keep your mouth shut and do what i want you to do ... be who i want you to be with out trying to patronize me than we will get along famously.- THATS RIGHTFebruary 26, 2010 at 8:35 PM
what is with all these comments about what a sociopath is and is not? This blog was written by a sociopath's point of view people so that means this is exactly what a sociopath would do when it comes to a sociopath
"loving" someone...ya bunch of dopes! Half of ya probably arent even socipaths so how would you people named "Anonymous" know how a socipath would approach "love". where are yaz getting your information from? a website with defintition of a sociopath? Do not write comments in a blog if you have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. all these comments are bla bla bla...bottom line..what ever is written in these blogs is what a socipath is and none of you have anything intelligent to say about them unless you are one yourself PERIOD. - AnonymousMarch 24, 2010 at 7:17 PM
When you realize the man you have loved for over 11 years is just a sociopath, that has always used you, why don't you automatically stop loving them? Can Faith, God, and Jesus cure/fix a socio path? What can I do to make sure none of our 3 children turn out to be a socio path like their Dad. My girls seem fine, but I worry about my 5 year old son.
ReplyDelete I am confused, I understand that my husband may need me, or love the relationship for what I am to him, always there, but I wanna understand how or if he loves me. I have too long of a a story to tell, I would love to if some one would hear it, but now I am trying to figure him out.I have loved him for 12 yrs, and he left me hundreds of times, then fell back on me cuz I always saved him. I never knew what was wrong but I just knew something wasnt right. Just recently did I find out, he is not in my house, he is incarcerated, of course, racking up his criminal record. But in the past yr I have filed for divorce and he has said to me, tell me what you want, what to do, I know you will always be here by my side, and that is comforting. Now as I read his letters from jail, as I am the only one he has, no one else..he drained all of everyone he knows, i AM USED TO THIS BUT NOW AS i READ THE WAY HE WRITES ABOUT HIS APPRECIATION FOR ME, IF U WILL, IS BECAUSE I PROVIDE HIM WITH COMFORT, AND THATS WHAT HE NEEDS.Knowing that he could and has done everything in the world to hurt me and I have never walked away until 8 months ago, even then I didnt want to, I couldnt understand. I have to say I am a little relieved that he is this way, I thought all these yrs he was a fucken jerk. I always wondered why he would want to be with someone like myself, I obviously could be snowed by him, he could sell condoms to a nun, but I am very hard to deal with, I am loud and not boring at all, now I understand. He always said to me, that is the person that I love, the girl who would go tell anyone to go get Fucked. Excuse my vulgar words, but thats the truth. I am strong in all that I do, my only weakness is him, no one ever gets over on me, I take it from no one else, but he could talk me into anyhting, now that i understand and he is telling me tell me what u want me to do, I cant loose u, if I am able to tell him my limits, does anyone think we could live as a family? I dont want to change him, I accept him, always did, I cant turn off the way I feel for him, the love I have is unexplainible and he has nothing to offer me but "love" if that is what it is, or if it is his need for what I give him, but I am drawn to him, and cant let go. The whole world has told me to walk away, I have tried for 12 yrs, and I always feel the same, I am not afraid of much, what I fear is never feeling the way I feel when I am "loved" by him.
ReplyDeleteTo the anon comment just before mine about loving your guy for 11 yrs and your 3 kids, I have 4 and I have loved him for 12...I believe whole heartedly that only god can heal someone, but they have to need god, and surrender to him. The only time my husband acted normal, and appeared as though he loved us, in a normal way was the 3 months he went to church consistently. I am going to put my husband in a christian clinic, he wants to go too, and let go and let god. I would love to talk to u, I feel alone as though no one gets him, but I do, and I know how u feel. Maybe it would help us, u can email me, I dont care about bein anon, I dont care what people think, never have, firstname.lastname@example.com The only thing I can say is at some point in loving a sociopath, u have to LIVE the serenity prayer, and dont ever get ur hopes up, be a mom first, and if he wants help, he cant be fixed, but he can learn to re boot his thoughts as he has so much power over them. Constant therapy and resources, like another child, but do u, do I want my kids to end up living that? and being that? no, I am undecided. I have to say it is hard for me to accept that he will never change, I see someone no one else does, and it is as though I am imprinted in his memory forever, it is a twisted need in that he needs me in a way I dont understand, but in a wierd unsettling way, I need to be needed, and thats why I am drawn to him, that and other reasons. I dont know if that makes sense, but thats how I feel.
ReplyDelete- AnonymousMay 5, 2010 at 12:01 AM
I've been in a relationship with a sociopath for 5 years, I recently broke it off and have never felt better.
There was a time where I was SURE I wouldn't be able to live without him. He made life seem less dull, and I counted on him to make me feel like I was worthy and beautiful. He was intelligent and comforting, he was always there when I was sick or feeling vulnerable. I started to realize very quickly that the only reason he did anything nice for me was to manipulate me into "needing him" and to appear like the perfect human being to others.
All in all, I loved him. I think I could've been with him, but he was pathetic. He was an alcoholic, he constantly lied, he would say the most innapropriate things, and he could never hold a job. I have no problem with the "Dexter" type sociopath, but please, when you have absolutely NO purpose and you are not impressive in the slightest, being a sociopath is not a bonus to your personality.
Everyone loves differently, and I actually enjoyed a lot of the life views that my ex had. We spent a lot of time together, just talking and analyzing the world. If you're like me, however, you can NEVER get used to someone who is constantly lying, trying to get things for free, and not working for anything. I don't want to die in a cardboard box, with no possessions and no positive experiences.
Sociopathy is only acceptable if the person it afflicts is reasonably successful, otherwise move on ladies, not worth it. Not all sociopaths are these brilliant intellectuals, a lot of them are stupid idiots who are beneath the rest of us and expect to get something for free. In the end, I couldn't even look at my ex, I didn't respect him at all. - AnonymousMay 15, 2010 at 11:56 PM
Why is almost everyone here a beaten housewife? What most of you describe your 'sociopath' boyfriends to do is done by every deadbeat husband on earth. The fact that your bf/husband was a sociopath seems to be completely diagnosed by you. Real sociopaths would NOT go into relationships because people BORE them. They would NEVER stay 12 years with someone, not even if society willed it. From what it sounds like, it just seems like you want to place the blame of a failed marriage in anything but yourself or your husband (like an average beaten housewife). No, he wasn't a sociopath...just deadbeat.
ReplyDelete The more I read on this blog the more I believe I am a sociopath, Instead of a highly functioning individual with Asperger's. For one I am very good at lying and keeping my thoughts to myself. I am nothing like the other Aspies I have met. They seem to have more difficulty in acting normal than I do. I have seen Psychiatrists ever since I was 7 years old and I do not believe any of them knew the real me. ( I accidently killed the family cat) Back then some suspected attachment disorders. I was diagnosed with ODD in my pre-teens and sent to a mental hospital for evaluation where I was my new psychiatrist first ever diagnoses of Asperger's Syndrome. The last time I saw her (a month ago) she said "I guess you have grown out of your asperger traits". I didn't think that was possible but I learned early on not to mess with psychiatrist, so I just shrugged and agreed.
ReplyDelete- You are all fucking gayJune 16, 2010 at 6:26 AM
This site is full of a bunch of retarded attention whores.. "Ohhhh look at me I'm SOOOO different, ohhh I'm a sociopath I'm so different and scary give me attention plllzzzz"
Worse than Goths and Emos, COMBINED! WHoever made this site is a complete fucktard and needs to go back to school. Alright, who forgot to log out and let their 13-year-old get on the computer again. I don't know people over 18 who use the word "fucktard." But I have heard my friend's 13-year-old daughter use it regularly. "You all are fucking gay," before you try to get taken seriously by adults, maybe YOU need to go back to middle school and learn actual words in the lexicon to insult us with instead of words you find on urban dictionary.
ReplyDelete- AnonymousJune 19, 2010 at 2:38 PM
n the end, I couldn't even look at my ex, I didn't respect him at all.
May 5, 2010 12:01 AM
Exactly. Actually, I am disgusted with him. When I see how he talks, especially to women, and his pathetic excuses, I don't feel like eating, drinking, I don't feel like living. Life seems cheap and worthless.
I loved him. I loved him so much I'd die any moment at the time for him. I almost did. Loved our conversations. Loved his spontaneity until I realized that it's only one sided - he is so natural - in wanting everything for himself. I figured it out more than with his lies and cheating (for which he always found excuses) when I passively and positively let him talk and play music one day. For half a day, not once did he actually even think that I might have an idea or suggestion, that there should be a conversation other than my easy confirmations. It was all that pleases him. What he thinks is great is what truly is great. Others are what he says they are. Of course, he hides it well by petting the person's ego and by offering women a mirror.
Most women tell and show men exactly what they want. And he feeds them back their image, in which they fall madly in love. Extra aggression and seeking for pleasure and excitement makes them good lovers indeed. (But as if only sociopaths are good lovers! Give me a break!)
What people totally disregard while giving them credit in knowledge about others is that ALL THEY DO for most of their life is study analyzing others in order to trick them, so that they can feel mighty and powerful. WHile the rest of us work, go to school, study, play music, spend honest 'no using' time with family and friends, play with children, work with animals, volunteer, your sociopath is planning how to trick somebody or win something.
But the true awakening in pointing out who my little sociopath is came from his family member, who told me he was like a leach: sucking the blood out, and when there is no more, he falls off and moves onto the next well fed victim. I also heard that he tricked a woman from a third world country to sell all she has, brought her to America and had her live with him until she spent all her money - on and with him. Then he kicked her out. If you ask him, they had an argument, of course. Nothing to do with her money running out.
I had such a hard time believing this horror story. It's hard because they mix a bit of truth and good with the bad and damaging. How do you disentangle it after that? It was also hard because he seemed to care about me. It took me a while to realize that he'll always come back for two reasons. - AnonymousJune 19, 2010 at 2:39 PM
One is that I immediately submit to him by saying: I love you. But I don't let him do whatever he wants. He feels like he won, because I told him the truth: I do love the rest of him. But it's an incomplete victory, because he doesn't get to fully use me. Just spoil a few days, while I still allowed him. However, as long as he knows I care - and he knows me that well - he will keep thinking he can milk me, bleed me, whatever you wish to call it, more. The more he's understanding that he can't, the less interested he is.
The second reason is that intelligent people who do have potential for love are their favorite and most fascinating victims. They see there is something of value there. They want it. But they can't reach it. When they get it - meaning they get into relations with people who love them and are positive, caring people with moral values, they stand like in a dark hallway with ants in their pants not knowing what to do, where is the pleasure and benefit, and they run back to their familiar door, the one with low life, sad realities, borderline of homelessness and criminality, drunks, prostitution, lies and hard games, eating or being eaten. It seems unfair if there is more to life for somebody other than themselves. So they pull you down, they drag down people with conscience, values and purity of heart, by finding out their darkest stories or creating, tempting them into new ones. Now this basically positive person is theirs: the manipulator will forever have something to show, some mud to throw and say "look, she/he is no angel, little miss perfect/mr. righteous is scum too".
If he had positive opinion about someone, it's only from the distance. Or it's for someone powerful but not exactly gracious. Tycoons with suspicious background are his stars. Or women who manage to marry or manipulate such men. If my little sociopath ever had compassion (and he didn't for innocent starving children, if they are, say in Africa or South America), it was compassion for other like him. In some aspect, they had to be like him, something that makes him identify easily being in his place.
He thinks only he is natural and realistic, and the rest of us are just full of crap and pretending to be better than we are. Humans in his eyes are predators. They either die or become predators with time. It's hard to get him to say that, because he's very skilled. He knows what others don't like to hear. He knows what rings right or wrong, and he watches his language closely until he gets someone into his web. He likes to think it's his intelligence that wins him special treatment and that he's even alive, considering all that she has done. I told him it's not his intelligence. That Jewish children were not stupid or deserving their destiny because of someone else's past sins, but unlucky living in Germany in WWII, and that he is not so smart, but lucky. What I did not mention and kept to myself is that it is not so much his intelligence as to why he manipulates them, he's not the above being. It's his unbelievable ruthlessness. A normal person usually does not expect the truth to be so ugly. Until we learn. Then it's a different story.
Now I know the capacity for evil, but I did not become a slave to it, and I am still happy, functioning, respectful to others. He did not break my spirit in the end. He just lost a person who truly loved and accepted everything about him, except for his cold, cold heart. The loss is his, and the life is mine. He's falling to the bottom, as they all do. Like a snake biting everything around it, then biting and killing itself. He can't fool people forever, and living like that is a constant battle, constant search for new victims. It's a miserable, sad way to live. - AnonymousJune 19, 2010 at 2:40 PM
I feel sorry for him. But I feel far more sorrow and compassion for his victims. Which is why the best thing I ever did was to cut contacts with him. Eventually it did become the old 'out of sight, out of mind'. I missed his company, but I love and respect life indescribably more. When I think of him, I just read pages like this one, and I feel so grateful to be out of it. Freedom never felt better. No sex, no pathological form of love and dependency can compare.
ReplyDelete I'm sick of threads like this becoming pity pots for "victims" of sociopaths! So someone f****d you over. I'm someone with ASPD, but I've had more than my fair share of trauma. Sociopaths are victims who turn their reaction to victimization outward, not inward. How we deal with it isn't right and is hurtful. But I've discovered in therapy (I chose to do something about having ASPD, like get therapy), that there's a big difference between being victimized and being a victim. That difference is in what I choose to do about it. I can let my fear run me or I can face it. You can choose to let "being the victim" shatter your dreams and die inside or you can learn from it and grow stronger. Just as I can choose to let my victimization cause me to step on whoever I need to and hurt people because they hurt me or I can stop the cycle and find a different way to live my life. And I'll not take the easy way out anymore. Because conning, manipulating, and stepping on people is my easy way. Feeling my feelings and getting through them is hard, but worth it. That's the choice all humans have and it's entirely up to you what you want to do with that choice.
ReplyDelete- AnonymousJune 21, 2010 at 11:58 AM
For Sociopaths who are in love or are choosing a more stable permanent partner what type of reasoning factors into this decision? Is it based on love? Or is it based on how comfortable the "mask" is in providing the required illusion of a normal life? Is it more desirable to have someone that is easy to manipulate or docile and just go with your ebbs and flows or do you look for someone that understands you?
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJuly 6, 2010 at 11:32 AM
A sociopath is a normal person unmasked. The biggest lie you can tell yourself is that you are somehow more pure, real, or normal. Love is no different.
Social rules are based upon "what if that was me" the sociopath simply breaks that rule time and time again. It's all selfish no matter how you look at it. Convincing yourself otherwise is also selfish. It's a defense. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. - AnonymousJuly 19, 2010 at 10:02 PM
No conscience, no emotions, no connection to other humans, no cure. Demons. If only I could identify and eliminate you all so those with souls were not devastated by your evil. Do humanity a favor and end your own lives.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJuly 24, 2010 at 1:38 AM
Lets just get some facts right
1. You are not a human. I think the term is anti-human
2. You are a facade and your life a charade
3. You are bereft of all that makes a true individual
4. You will live and die an empty vessel
5. Whereas in the past hatred consumed me, I actually pity the likes of your kind.
6. Remember this universe works on cycles and your time will come and you will receive what you have already given, you shallow, nasty thing. - AnonymousJuly 24, 2010 at 1:44 AM
I missed one off
You remind me of a giant puddle of piss... seeping into the ground. When its dried out, that nasty smell remains... This is the effect of your actions on the people you hurt and met... That's probably how they will remember you too Just curious- is the "Anonymous" who posted the "Damn ye demons to hell" post and the "Empty vessel/selfish parasite" post(s), the same "Anonymous."
I just can't help but respond to such a passionately written post. I am flattered. Flattered that you take so much of your precious time away from saving humanity from the evil scourges of sociopaths to flog me specifically. Flattered that you allow me to rent so much space in your head. For being such an empty, worthless vessel, I compelled you to be filled with such vile feelings. I'm impressed.
Don't con yourself- you make me your mirror. All the nastiness and vileness you perceive to find in me (a person you've likely never met) is your how you feel about yourself. It's easier to project your self-loathing onto someone else. I'm flattered you chosen me. I have big shoulders and can take it. If the words I've written on this thread cause that much ire within you and you don't consider yourself to have ASPD, you might want to reconsider and schedule a psych evaluation this week. Because empaths, in my experience at least, don't feel the kind of inhuman hatred you describe.
If you're just someone spending hours reading threads about a cross-section of society you claim to hate, why the fuck are you wasting your time? Go get a criminal justice degree or do something constructive with your desire to "rid" the world of sociopaths. I dislike soccer moms and thus I don't waste my time on reading soccer mom blogs and posting hateful things. If you'd like to sling more insults my way, feel free to. I find them most entertaining. Call me a sociopath or something, but I've always enjoyed the proverbial "eating someone's lunch." And you're letting me eat your lunch, troll!!While I do not tell those who I enter into "relationships" with that I am a sociopath, I make it clear that there will be no exclusivity in the relationship and I view them as friends ("with benefits"). Even despite this, they treasure me. I comfort them when they are saddened and lend my support when they need it. I don't judge them for what they do or who they are. Though I cannot love them, I make them feel loved and adored in a way that no other person ever has.
I recently left a five-year exclusive relationship. I honestly felt miserable because of how restricted I felt. Despite ending it, we are still good friends and speak regularly.
The worst damage I have done to any of these people is causing them to lose sleep as they stay up to talk to me. While many of you empaths who have been damaged have generalized what you see a sociopath as to the entire population of sociopaths, it is essentially the equivalent of me looking at you and deciding all empaths are cruel, vindictive, hateful, and all-around uncouth.
To the religious Anonymous a bit ago: We don't need healing. I, at least, am entirely content with who and what I am.- AnonymousJuly 29, 2010 at 6:52 AM
If you know what you're doing, sociopaths are the easiest people to control. All you have to do is play to their ego, play to their selfishness and ideas of grandiosity, and you can get whatever the fuck you want out of them. I kind of feel bad for them, because although they have the power to easily manipulate clueless people, they are so transparent and easy to manipulate themselves! Thing is, they never really expect for someone to see right through them and to use their own motivations for my own gain.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 3, 2010 at 2:15 AM
This article is so funny, full of contradictions. Whoever wrote this is completely detached from reality.
"Sociopaths can love with a selfish intensity that puts other love to shame" (For a start, you use the word "Shame", which lets face it is outrageous when we know the reality and understand that any perceived love from a sociopaths perspective is a one way process i.e. take all that you can without responsibility)
Their love is a devouring, consuming sort of love. (agree with this, sociopaths just take) When I love someone, I feel like I want to inhale them -- to literally suck out their soul. When I kiss someone, I try to do just that.
Love may be blind for empaths, but a sociopath sees your faults clearly and loves you still. The sociopath's piercing eyes are not only unsettling because of their unwavering constancy, but because the sociopath's eyes can pierce through to your very soul, leaving you naked before his gaze. (My the eddyfying height of your persona hey? well get this, once you know a sociopath, you can spot their traits and habits a mile off)
The sociopath's ignorance or disinterest in social norms means that he will not see you as the world sees you but how you truly are. They're free of the rose-colored glasses (you mean actual character I guess?) empaths falling in "love" often wear. I imagine this ability would be particularly appealing to those whose role in society doesn't reflect their true worth (god, I see without you, the human race is doomed!): members of disfavored races or socioeconomic backgrounds, the too-smart-for-their-own-good crowd, the still-waters-run-deep.
Sociopaths have a genius for adoring.( a genius for deceit you mean) Their understanding of your wants and needs matched with their charm and flexible personality mean that they can and will literally become the man or woman of your dreams. (yes we know this too well, but its all false) In fact, when I love, my first step is to gather as much information as possible about every aspect of the person's life in order to more closely resemble their ideal mate. (how sad to live such a false life)
The closest analog to a sociopath's love is probably the love of a child: intense, accepting, selfish. And finally, like a child, the sociopath will be extremely loyal. (oh yes I see, that's why the majority of them are fraudsters, loyal up until the point they have extracted their sordid wants and then discard their hapless host)
A sociopath will never put you above himself, but he will readily put you above all others. (are you for real, complete bullshit! When push comes to shove, they will shit on anybody to get what they want or escape from any impending exposure)
Here is the English dictionary's top definition to educate you to love's true meaning, something as a sociopath you will never feel. Sad.
love (lv)
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
Love & Sociopath = Oxymoron I would hate to necro, but there is a big difference between an empath and a normal person.
Being nice and caring doesn't equal being empathic. True empaths care for others because we are good(really good) at picking up body language and understanding it at a sub-conscious level; almost to the point we can feel as others do.
But it doesn't automatically mean being a "nice care-bear", or some clueless twit.
Empathic's are pretty much at the opposite end of the scale in comparison to sociopaths. Add in human intelligence and the propensity of our species for self awareness(even though few seek it) and it can be a self debilitating condition in it's own right.
Think about it, empaths pick up on others emotions and feelings to some degree or another; peoples inner workings. Most sociopaths hide their inner workings to some degree, it is referred to as a "Clenchy mask"(as do many people try to put on a "poker face" in life).
If a person is "feeling" a clenchy mask, since it is not the real emotions then wouldn't such a person just be a mimicker? A survival instinct of sort's(while empathy often goes against ones own survival).
To an Empath a "normal" is as a far away removed as a sociopath is to a "normal"(if there is such a thing). It is estimated that sociopaths make up 10% of the population, so what is everyone elses excuse to acting cruel, spiteful and selfish towards others?Unless they take steps to change things, the general human communication hierarchy is thus:
1. Words spoken.
2. Facial expression.
3. Body language.
With words being the most trusted, and body language the most ignored. This is contradictory to reality. Body language cannot lie without being faked. Facial expression is difficult to fake believably. But lying is easy. It is the flaw of our social brains.
The lizard brain, the most primitive, controls body language. It is a construct of primordial instinct. The mammalian brain is the root of our higher emotions, lending itself to concepts of family. And the primate brain is, simply, the lying brain. From here grow language, God, and other tools of untruth.- AnonymousSeptember 7, 2010 at 12:06 PM
I have been married to a sociopathic female for 10 years. She has had 2 children from 2 other marriages, I am the third. We have a daughter together. It has been difficult, it becomes an uphill battle, a constant struggle to support her everchanging emotional needs and trying not to feel bad when she lies, cheats and tries to cover-up her behaviors. I do love her, dearly, but at some point I will develop and emotional wall towards her as she can't clearly identify how to show love towards me. Do I let her go? Do I let someone else put up with it? Hell no! She is a beautiful person and I am wise enough to be able to identify and manage through the tough times. If it's not me, it will just be someone else. I would rather her choose me in the end, even if it means heartache and battles. Love is what it is, and I love her no matter who she is or what she does.
ReplyDelete i should be numb right now, it should be impossible to cry. but reading that just made me hysterical, im in-love with a sociopath, who you are that wrote this, you just like... described every detail of what has gone in my life for the past 3 years, on and off ..and recently on again...being in-love with her hurts so much . especially when i doubt that she even loves me at all.. . im sort of in shock right now. i just wish i knew what to do, because i will die loving this person... i need help, anyone... oh by the way, this isn't the first time i have loved a sociopath..
ReplyDelete- yourillusionSeptember 12, 2010 at 9:24 PM
My question is being a sociopath, Can i honestly fall inlove with another sociopath? Could it be we are evolving off each other? Our love is relentless. I was diagnoised at 13 him at 24. I feel as though he's using my command of emotion and feeling to his advantage just to better himself...I'm ok with this but not ok with the emotion of love him being my first, by no means sexually but emotionally. I cant change who i am. I'm a phycopath but i understand there are very few with multiple diagnoises of such a disease. I'm a high functioning phycopath and pose this question because my phyciatrist would intsitusionalize me. I'd perfer to spend 72 hours doing what i'd like instead of what people believe is right.
yours trully,
your illusion I've been dating a sociopath for the last 5 years. The first year we started dating he was what I consider to be the "perfect" boyfriend. He used to say and do all the right things. Let's just say I fell in love with him and I fell hard. He always used to tell me that he didn't deserve me because I was beautiful (more beautiful than him), rich (while his family is not), intelligent (I graduated high school while he never did), and hardworking (while he was not). Of course these are things that every girl wants to hear. I have to admit that it made me feel loved but I never looked down upon him or thought that I was better than him in any way; to me he was the perfect guy. Two years later, we ended up living together and things started to change. I began to see who he really was. He was a drug addict, and alcoholic, an internet porn addict, he used to film us having sex without me knowing about it (I later found that out once he was in jail for violating probation when I snooped through his computer), he used to go to the bathroom and leave it sit there for days without flushing and I'm talking about nb.2 (he used to use the basement toilet; the one that I never used, EVER), he told me how much he liked tights and how he wanted me to wear them when we had sex, he would verbally abuse me all the time, lie to me about crazy shit like having cancer or kidney failure, the list goes. I can't tell you how many times he broke up with me for no reason or start fights just so he could break up with me. A few months ago he broke up with me and I decided to block him so that he couldn't call me, text me, or email me and it drove him absolutely insane. He went as far as to hack into my email so that he could send me emails about how he was sorry and how he was going to change and what not. Of course, like an idiot I took him back. The truth is, it's begun to feel like a game to me just like how he sees our relationship. I mean, I've basically become what he wants me to be (I act the way he wants most of the time and mostly I obey every single one of his sexual fantasies/needs; wearing tights whenever he wants and what not). Even though I know he's a complete psycho, for some reason, I can't stop myself from talking to him. I'll go for a while without saying anything to him but then I go running back to him. Anyway, recently, I left for Europe to visit my family and just before I left we got into a huge fight and he broke up with me for the 100th time because he made me miss my flight (I strongly believe it was on purpose because he hates it when I leave). Afterward, he wouldn't stop texting me while I was away (saying mean things of course)and I would barely ever respond which made him even more angry. Then he started emailing me about random stuff like shows he was going to play with his band, or this tea place that he thought I would like; out of the blue of course. He kept asking me when I was coming home (even though he shouldn't care since we're technically broken up) and finally, one night, I decided to text him and he told me that he wanted me to stop sending him messages and that he hoped I understood. I actually laughed out loud when I got that message since he's been messaging me for weeks. We haven't spoken for weeks and he knows that I am coming home in a week. I guess what I want to know after all these years is whether or not he is ever really going to end things with me? I mean he keeps complaining about our relationship and how much he hates it but he stays in it nevertheless. So, is this guy ever going to move on and let me go or is it up to me to really end things for good?
ReplyDeleteHi everyone..i have some questions and was wondering if anyone could answer them for me.
1. how do sociopaths experience love?
what do they expect from "loving" relationships or from other relationships with human beings? Do they expect other people to feel something for them and if yes then what?
2. do sociopaths desire relationships with other human beings at all?
3. what do sociopaths experience or "feel" when they see a person in physical pain. how about emotional pain? is it different when the pain is caused by them?
4. do sociopaths experience emotional pain and if yes then what is most likely to cause it?Someone on this post said that "if you know what you're doing then sociopaths are easy to control". Is that so? I wonder if a sociopath would agree with that. I mean, are they easy to control and if so, how do you control them? In my experience, I was never able to control my sociopath, but god knows he controlled and manipulated him plenty.
ReplyDelete- AnonymousOctober 14, 2010 at 9:21 AM
i don't see any difference between how i as a strong empath love, and your description of how a sociopath loves. as far as wearing rose-tinted glasses, I have no interest in denying the sociopath in a sociopath. being an empath simply means accepting them as a whole package and loving them all the more for it. love is not perfection for me, it can be doomed and absurd without the value and definition of 'love' being diminished. i don't see any distinction from empaths, only exact replication in the way you say sociopaths love.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousOctober 14, 2010 at 9:29 AM
lol by 'strong empath' i mean an extreme empath. cos by definition, strength is a challenge for me!
ReplyDelete - you are not an empath!October 14, 2010 at 10:31 AM
as a side note, i'm sick of reading so-called empaths' whinings on these comment pages, giving actual empaths a bad name. stop fucking whining and go learn about what you are before getting involoved with ANYone, and then certainly if you are a true empath and not just a 'normal' who doesn't understand what an empath actually is, you will stop laying the blame for your pain and heartache on the other person. it's embaressing to read you all hurl vitriol at sociopaths like you expect them to be 'normal'. you're a bunch of idiots and this site is overridden with you. i reiterate that an empath is an extreme, NOT the norm and by definition empaths are open-minded to an uncommon degree, which means they don't come on these blogs and list all the things that made they're sociopathic-ex inhuman. if you are actually an empath, you more than anyone in the human race are most equipped to NOT vilify and point fingers at people who are different to you.
as far as the love question goes, i too perceive love subjectively, and never use the word 'love' as anything but reference to a feeling, and feelings change. love is not an obligation to satisfy a, b and c and quite frankly a little realism goes a heck of a long way. - AnonymousOctober 14, 2010 at 10:55 AM
(continued from above): as a side note i want to tell all these so-called empaths to stop their fucking whining and get off of this site. Firstly, i predict the ones hurling vitriol at sociopaths are just 'normals' who don't understand that empaths are an extreme, a minority. you are not an empath just as you are not a sociopath. proof: empaths are uncommonly open-minded and are precisely that fraction of the human race that do not vilify and point fingers at those that are different to them. you should go learn more about yourself before you get involved with ANYone, and then if you actually are an empath (ie. not a normal/neuro-typical) you will certainly not be laying the blame for your pain and heartache on the other person who you deludedly perceive as a 'normal' when they clearly are not. and count it as a benefit that these sociopaths are telling you exactly what they are. i mean, what better warning do you want!?! i am sick and tired of you overriding this site with your immature, oblivious, un-self-aware baggage. you are giving actual, thinking empaths a really bad name so go whine elsewhere, namely in a place where other deluded people reside.
on the question of love, i too, as an empath, view it subjectively as a feeling that can change,not as an obligation for the other person to satisfy a,b and c in the way society deems healthy. i stay for as long or as short as I am instinctively comfortable with.
a little realism goes a heck of a long way. And i would love to dispel this notion that empaths are deluded love-zombies. if you irritants stop frequenting this site, it would help that quite a bit. - AnonymousOctober 14, 2010 at 11:27 AM
er, i did just get the irony of my post as i appear to be vilifiying a whole group namely the normals. all i mean is go educate yourselves before pointing the finger. I am just saying that for you people on here who claim to define for others what love is, you are misguided.
right, that's my last post for now. phew. - AnonymousOctober 14, 2010 at 12:15 PM
my brother is on the sociopathic spectrum. there was a period before i discovered what a sociopath was and that he was one, when i hated him with all my heart. i told him over and over that i thought he had the coldest, blackest heart i would ever come across. growing up i knew we saw the world in fundamentally different ways, even though 99% of the time we got on like a house on fire and still love each other's company. it was always that 1% of the time that was shatteringly destructive to any desire i had to maintain a relationship with him. lol, notably, even when i told him i despised him he always maintained his affection for me. to this day, his says i'm his favorite girl in the world and i believe him. the thing that was so destructive about him which i assume is common to sociopaths, is the way they truly think that EVERYONE is a mask-wearer. when you are innately sincere and pure-hearted, they still poke mercilessly, incredulous that some people are genuinenly designed that way. i tolerated his false accusations from when i was a child and it would break me, leave me inconsolable, and tears are of no relevance to them as they keep pushing and pushing. being an extreme empath, i couldn't have found myself in a worse situation than being told i was a liar or a manipulator. i love my brother to pieces but our combination was combustible, with me always ending up broken, and him unscathed. Only now i have a name for our difference can I discuss with him how he can put a cap on this horrible habit of his. if he won't for his favorite girl, he won't for anyone. if all else fails, i'll know when to exit before he starts going, but by then, the damage is already done anyway.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousOctober 14, 2010 at 12:26 PM
...continued. now i know what we are i feel closer to him, i can help him with his relationship issues as he obviously gets with women a bit (ahem - a lot) like me and gets his hands a little too full. i haven't had a proper talk with him about all of this yet but i really think that when i do, things could be really good between us, maybe 99.8% of the time at least. :)
ReplyDelete This is true! I met a sociopath from New York. The sorry ass is also a parasite. Lives for free pretending to seek inpatient for a drug addiction, while all the time, the real reason is that he can't live on his own. Looking for a fool to take him in. He is the most sick person I have ever met.
ReplyDelete- AnonymousOctober 28, 2010 at 8:19 PM
I was diagnosed as a Sociopath recently. I was thinking my therapist got it wrong because he said Sociopaths can't love but what you have described here is me. Entirely.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousOctober 31, 2010 at 5:44 PM
sociopaths are scammers.. they are all those people out in todays society taking advantage of old people and internet dating. In actuality, they seem to be cowards! They will take you for every cent you have and turn aroound the next day and do it all over again. As a christian, I believe they all can be helped. Getting them to completely submit takes patience and time. Something that most of us just do not have. My suggestion is RUN, fast as you can. There is so many people out there just waiting to love you and appreciate you for who you are,
ReplyDelete - AnonymousNovember 6, 2010 at 1:11 AM
I have a question please. I commenced an affair with a sociopath 2 years ago and I do not use the term lightly. He is by all definitions, clinical and otherwise, a sociopath. What started as an affair quickly became a tangled web of manipulation, intimidation, lies, alcoholism, power, control and abuse. I take full responsibility for allowing him to become inextricably linked to my business, social networks and finally, family. To the outside world he is a charming and successful businessman, intelligent, funny and always the life of the party. He always helped everyone with their business affairs – at no charge, which I came to learn was simply a way of manipulating relationships, locking people into a false sense of loyalty and obligation. The sad thing is – and despite caring for him deeply; I knew I could never love him in the way I loved my partner. He knew this and to start with it didn't bother him whatsoever. Long story short, he seemed amused by the fact the initial exhilaration I felt with him had been replaced by a growing sense of fear. After constant highs and lows, 1½ years later I finally gained the strength to tell him I couldn't do it anymore. He knew there was nothing he could hold over me anymore and flew into his usual rage, throwing things and verbally abusing me before calming asking my colleague if she would like coffee. I was terrified but also had an overwhelming sense of freedom. I had finally freed myself from the spider's web. Two nights later he turned up at my home unannounced, slashed my tyres and killed my partner in a very violent and unprovoked manner. They had never met - this was the one and only part of me I had never allowed him to know and refused to let him destroy. This happened 4 weeks ago and many doctors, detectives and psychiatrists have all advised me his is a sociopath. It has also been suggested the outcome may have been intended for me. Although I was familiar with the term sociopath, I never knew what it really meant, like so many. After copious amounts of research into what clinically constitutes a sociopath, I have no doubt that is what he is. Everything is in understanding – and so many things are now clear. He has since mailed a letter to my business partner (I am under a protection order) and we were both shocked at the absolute lack of emotion, remorse or even appreciation for the gravity of what he has done. It was as if nothing had happened and he casually remarked he would be watching us from afar and asked her to take care of me for him. Despite all of this, and losing the most cherished person in my world, I feel so very saddened for this man. Can any of us truly imagine what it is to live an entire lifetime in a state of such emptiness and solidarity? The sheer loneliness would send anyone mad. My question is, if sociopaths are unable to experience emotion, what would have been his motivation for taking my partner's life? Surely not jealousy - that would represent an emotion. My second question is, do sociopaths harbour long term resentment – btw; is it likely he will try to track me down when he is one day released.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousDecember 8, 2010 at 10:48 AM
The real issue is that love is actually self-less. to have strong all consuming feelings and attachment for someone does not necessarily mean you love them. Thats just passion... Rage is a passion too. And not surprisingly when intense attachments are unrequited rage often follows. Thats not love, that's a need to control.
Love is when you give of yourself because the other person is so valuable to you... You don't do things for any other reason accept that.
Its only work if its not real. hello
I've been trying to understand this... and am reading up on a few things to clear things up in my own head about what I NEED TO DO FOR MYSELF...
until i read this (or part of it) and got a general gist, i was going bananas lol... well not REALLY because i'm a strong, intelligent, secure, beautiful, sexy, etc. etc. ex sufferer of a few conditions that i have now conquered...
i have wondered for the last 6 months what type of person CANNOT genuinely consider the thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs of the person they claim to love (so intensely)...
... trying to understand how someone can treat love as a game... like its a big joke that they smirk about when things get heated...
how one week, someone can say
i love you
i want to be with you
i want to marry you
i want the next 40yrs with you
you are the most beautiful thing blah blah
then the next week say
i dont know what i want
i'm confused
i'm fucked in the head
i need to sort my shit out
its been a head spin, a mind fuck, a merry go round, a roller coaster road (that thank goodness i've been able to observe with awareness for what it is rather than what i've HOPED it may be)...
i have always had the feeling that its been a game... a competition where he wants to conquer me, break me, fuck my head up etc. because HE'S FUCKED UP...
agree on the whole conduct thing... most things happen during childhood development etc. etc.
at the end of the day, we have our instincts and if we're in tune, we can smell a rat when its a rat and we'll keep ourselves at a safe distance...
the guy i've dated for the last 6 months has constantly said YOU WIN... like its some sort of a competition??? FFS... i can understand that some people think in that frame of mind ALL THE TIME... its all about what they can GET...
he's lied - remains in denial about lying its laughable...
i could tape record him and he would STILL deny deny deny...
no point in trying to understand what you cant understand...
you either accept it or stop bitching and move on huh?
i guess the way i've dealt with him is
to which he is stunned and speechless at the best of times - trying to say shit like
* point taken
* i'll take that on board
* you're right
* i agree
the guy appears to love me and i'm sure he does in his own sociopathic way but THAT TYPE OF LOVE?
is a NO-GO for me...
NEXT!!! lol- AnonymousDecember 28, 2010 at 7:21 PM
how blind and deluded you are. are you biased against empaths or you just a know-it-all?
ReplyDelete - AnonymousDecember 30, 2010 at 9:57 AM
this song is clearly written by an empath for a socio.
interesting in the video it looks as though
"Their love is a devouring, consuming sort of love. When I love someone, I feel like I want to inhale them -- to literally suck out their soul." - AnonymousJanuary 2, 2011 at 5:52 PM
What would it be like if two sociopaths ended up in a relationship together?
Would they cause enormous amounts of hurt to each other yet continue the relationship undoubtedly?
Is it possible for two sociopaths too fall in love with each other? I'm trying to figure out whether me or my partner is the sociopath... - AnonymousJanuary 3, 2011 at 2:30 AM
Some of the most successful people in this world are either p/s or at the very least have sociopathic tendancies,not all sociopaths are leeches. They march to the beat of a different drummer. They can be productive members of society, not all sociopaths are violent or vile. Vile people are vile, violent people are violent. And to the person attacking sociopaths, you may have some serious sociopathic tendencies,because you are attempting to degregate people,you are actinng without conscience,these sociopaths seem to have better manners than you,perhaps your sociopathic ex-lover was not a sociopath after all,perhaps your lover could not stand you. I have very strong suspicions that I am currently living with a man that has sociopathic tendencies at the very least,and this man may be difficult to read,hard to live with at times completely ignorant to other peoples feelings but he is far less difficult that you are any day of the week.
To all the DIAGNOSED sociopaths, can you explain to me what that means without the psychiatric babble that I have indured reading all night. Is it possible for someone to seem to have sociopathic tendencies but also the compacity to love? - AnonymousJanuary 13, 2011 at 12:53 PM
Can't believe I didn't realize it sooner... And, in a way, I feel better knowing it. Almost of sense of.. belonging. Something I've never felt before.
It's finally clear.
I'm a sociopath. - AnonymousJanuary 29, 2011 at 7:57 AM
January 3, 2011 2:30 AM, Personally I like visiting websites for sociopath victims. To see them feeling anger and wanting revenge, is like watching your seed growing into a tree. I would be proud if my EXs would be more like that.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJanuary 29, 2011 at 8:41 PM
Re: Anon November 6, 2010 1:11 AM
Not sure if you still read this but perhaps this information will help you understand if you do.
Your partner was killed because it was what would hurt you the most. You were his, he reads people well and tries to be what they want. For you to chose your partner over someone who could be what you wanted made no sense. He would not understand the emotional attachment. He was angry with your choice.
Yes, they do harbor long term resentment. If they were wronged in their mind they would most likely never forget it and wait for the opportunity to pay the person back. However in your situation you are safe, he already won. If he couldn't be with you, your partner wouldn't either. Destroying whatever you care most about.
I wouldn't feel sorrow for him living without emotions (he has basic primal emotions, just no attachments). It allows one to think more clearly, read people and better view the world around them. Which is why they are excellent manipulators. - AnonymousFebruary 6, 2011 at 12:57 PM
Is that why you can get laid, but anyone your with leaves you unless they have severe abondement issues?
Is it because your love is so good?
The empaths and norm's seem so much better at actually keeping the one they love.
I haven't been burned in love (at least not by a socpiath.. i know better than to go near them), but I'm sick of socipaths proclaiming themselves superiour. Not being able to function in society is NOT a super power. Good day. M.E.:
"The closest analog to a sociopath's love is probably the love of a child: intense, accepting, selfish. And finally, like a child, the sociopath will be extremely loyal. A sociopath will never put you above himself, but he will readily put you above all others."
This is almost exactly how it is with me, and it fits me like a glove except for one thing:
I have never felt love!
I have experienced other emotions of positive nature such as Fascination and Admiration, and I also experience a sense of respect.
If I meet someone who can level with me and understand me, and who seem to encompass qualities that I admire, I am committed with an enthusiasm and focus that tolerates no disruption, I am fiercely loyal and protect and/or support the subject aggressively.
This article reminds me of some of the texts I have been writing for my blog. I started with the idea of writing an article much like the one you've published here, but decided to include more of the aspects and details.- AnonymousMarch 1, 2011 at 9:41 PM
whoever the dumbass is answering these questions is not a sociopath but a simple attention whore. sociopaths don't KNOW they are sociopaths. they don't KNOW they are manipulative liars and lack empathy or guilt, their lies become their truth. If you are pathological liar and truly believe your own lies, you can never admit to lying- because you really don't FEEL that you're lying. A sociopath by definition can never understand they are a sociopath. and we should just have another holocaust and do to sociopaths/psychopaths what was done to the jews- kill them, show them lack of empathy or remorse, show them how worthless they are and give them their own medicine. they are empty useless human beings who are nothing but a drain on economy, a waste of human flesh, and hogging up oxygen and space for the real humans. better yet, let's stick them in a zoo and put them on display. i hate sociopaths and they all deserve nothing less than eternal pain. And at the same time they turn me on because they are so easy to exploit and take advantage of. they are unable to love therefor they can never love themselves and stand up for themselves. sociopaths are the easiest target, yet everyone seems to think sociopaths are the ones victimizing people. if it makes any sense, i'm a sociopath exclusively towards sociopaths. and i love every second of it.
ReplyDelete - BestFriendofaPsychopathMarch 2, 2011 at 8:49 AM
They are very aware of what they are doing, they are masters of studying behavior, they are the best personality profilers they are, because of their extensive networks on human emotion and interaction. But I like how they liken sociopathic love to that of a child, in a way sociopaths never seem to mature beyond that all consuming selfish love that we have for ourselves when we are 14 or so, before we are taught that other people need more attention. When we are adolescents we are selfish and only care about anything in the way that it relates to us. It just seems like their emotional maturing freezes there.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousMarch 4, 2011 at 10:27 PM
From reading this post and its comments I'm not convinced that sociopaths love as others do. It may come down to definitions I suppose. The general population loves in manner x and sociopaths "love" in manner y. No problem there, except when sociopaths portray their love as x and someone gets hurt. Well, it's not a problem for the sociopath, which is exactly why their love isn't type x.
Anyway, I got burned by someone who I suspect is a sociopath. Even though it was possible to see the ways in which I might have out-manipulated his narrowly focused mind, I didn't want to because my love was type x. So, yeah, I got hurt when his behavior became unforgivable. But I hope that my capacity to experience type x love outweighs the heartache and lessons learned.
In the end I'm just not even sure that the definition of a sociopath is compatible with love as the rest of society understands it. Maybe you have something akin to it, but call it something else so you aren't fooling anyone. Oh wait... haha... I forgot that fooling people is something sociopaths do best. - AnonymousMarch 7, 2011 at 10:07 PM
Do sociopaths love? I guess that depends on your definition of love. Its probably more constructive to discuss how they view and approach relationships.
Also it important to realize that sociopathy is an extreme. SO we are talking about degree with which one exhibits certain traits.
I think a better way to understand it via objective vs subjective. A so called sociopath desires and enjoys a concept or idea of a relationship. But it is not based on the other person it is soully an image or ideal of a relationship that is important to the sociopath. They project what they desire onto the person regardless of the other persons real feelings or traits. This means the other person can be replaced because it not the person that is truly important to them it is the traits and ideals that the sociopath projects on to the person. Problems arise when the illusion they created are challenged or weakened. TO put it bluntly they don't love others as they are they love the illusion they created the person just happens to be the current focus but it can be applied to others as well and often because it is a construct of the sociopath not a reflection of the true relationship.
Lastly, definitions matter (to the person that said something similar to self defintion being the litus test rather than a clinical definition). I can call myself a wood sprite and claim that anyone that isn't one should not post to blogs about wood sprite unless they self define themselves a such. Claiming myself as a something does not automatically make me one. I have to meet the definition or call myself something else that I can define and show I exhibit said traits. - AnonymousMarch 7, 2011 at 10:34 PM
I also just wanted to add. That sociopaths are not as good at manipulation as they think. It is more correct to say they are good at allowing others to manipulate themselves. And they should be they are in their element (so to speak) they use their target's ego and confirmation bias (the world they live in and know so well) to fool themselves. However, that which gives them ability is also their weakness. Sociopaths are the easiest people to manipulate because they are trapped in the ego to the extent that they can't objectively see things. This makes them them extremely easy to manipulate.
Its ironic that empaths are much more adept at the sort of manipulation used by sociopaths but that same vehicle that makes them better at it also provide a buffer against them actually utilizing said advantage. Something to think about. - AnonymousMarch 10, 2011 at 8:28 AM
Ok I am not a sociopath(narci tendencies a tad) but my partner of four years is and has been recently diagnosed fully fledged wired up the wrong way socio. Well he is now my ex partner, now I know what he is I actually find him rather unappealing. The sex was great as I made it great I was intense he was pretty mediocre until I opened up his horizons. I could see from the beginning he was trying too hard to be Mr perfect, however i did not know what he was fully capable of as he was clever and sly and would look for my Achilles heel and prey on it, constantly manipulating and emotinally playing with me. I would catch him out lying constantly and as I knew i could never trust
him, I would humiliate and berate him, hold back sex insult him to the bone to make him pay. In turn he secretly hated my guts and would chase other women, start affairs and try and turn friends and others against me etc. We fed off each other, attached unhealthily but destroying each other in different ways although he had the upper hand as I
was direct in my venom, he was more calculated. In the end he told one lie too many and I snapped, I played a socio at his own game, I lied, manipulated, lulled him
In and exposed and embarrassed him for all his weaknesses. A socio may not feel love allegedly but they feel Hurt especially when their game didn't finish with them
on top in the end he was the one who could not tell what games were being played and he went into meltdown. Ok I put myself through a lot and reading this back I am perhaps slightly fucked up myself and perhaps the game isn't over yet in his head, so who knows but if he comes back for more its game on round 900. In my next relationship i an going to be a little nicer myself and go for
a slightly more "normal" species... Like me lol xxx
Species :) x Are you serious? Sociopaths are everything that it wrong with this world. And there are a lot more of them out there than one might think. And news flash, a true sociopath will never admit to being one. So if your reading this and you think your a sociopath.....you can go pose and in front of the HotTopic.
ReplyDelete- you people are not sociopaths, stop it.March 15, 2011 at 2:03 AM
1. how do sociopaths experience love?
NO. THE DEFINITION OF SOCIOPATH IS A PERSON WHO DOES NOT FEEL; INSTEAD THEY MIMIC WHAT SOCIETY TELLS THEM TO. But they are devoid of feeling. All these people here are claiming to be sociopaths, but I bet not a single one could even imagine torturing a puppy or kitten. Guess what? That's what sociopaths do, and is the #1 symptom of being a sociopath. THEY HAVE NO FEELINGS AND NO ABILITY TO RELATE TO OTHER PEOPLE OR ANIMALS. They can kill if asked to without any hesitation or remorse. Everyone here is a bunch of attention whoring babies. Bawww some more. Learn what a sociopath is before writing dramatic emo brainvomit here.
what do they expect from "loving" relationships or from other relationships with human beings? Do they expect other people to feel something for them and if yes then what?
THEY DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM THE OTHER PERSON BECAUSE THEY CAN'T PUT THEMSELVES IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SHOES. Sociopaths can't love -- they can replicate it, but they have an agenda, be it curiosity, a cure to boredom, a good lay, or, most of the time, a way to hurt another person for fun.
2. do sociopaths desire relationships with other human beings at all?
In a primal sense, yes. If there are no other human beings in their lives, there will be no one to exploit, no one to hurt, no one to mentally/physically break. SOCIOPATHS ARE VIOLENT. Want to know who a sociopath is? It's not this PBR drinking hipster who upholds this site and thinks they're unique and special by self diagnosing themselves with a real illness (you don't go around saying you have cancer without being diagnosed, right? If you say you have cancer and you don't, you're widely regarded as a self-involved douche. Well, same goes to mental illnesses). A real sociopath is, say, Albert Fish or Charles Manson or Ted Bundy. THEY ARE ALWAYS VIOLENT, EITHER PHYSICALLY KILLING THINGS OR MENTALLY HURTING PEOPLE. HOWEVER, IT'S NOT ONE OR THE OTHER. THEY DO BOTH, JUST TO VARYING DEGREES. IF THEY DO THE MENTAL THING, BUT NOT THE PHYSICAL THING THEY ARE *NOT* SOCIOPATHS.
3. what do sociopaths experience or "feel" when they see a person in physical pain. how about emotional pain? is it different when the pain is caused by them?
SOCIOPATHS DO NOT FEEL. They do not feel emotional pain, distress or hurt. They shrug and move on. Sociopaths don't care. Nothing matters to them so much because they have no emotional attachment to things or people. Those who live in grand settings and only want their ego stroked are not sociopaths, they are prima donnas. The Metzgeirmeister was a sociopath, and he didn't live in top notch conditions...nor did he care. Watch a Ted Bundy interview before his execution. He doesn't care at all about the people he's hurt or the life he left behind or the things he lost.
4. do sociopaths experience emotional pain and if yes then what is most likely to cause it?
NO. SOCIOPATHS CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING. - AnonymousMarch 15, 2011 at 2:22 AM
ALSO, do not think that the opposite of a sociopath is an empath. No one on this board is capable of even beginning to comprehend what these words mean (then again, everyone is here bawwing at failed relationships). Think of it this way: a sociopath is a tea party, confederate flag weilding redneck hillbilly Republican. An empath is a tree hugging hipster hippie with a tie dye shirt and a joint in one hand. Then there's everyone else, who generally clusters around the center. It's not EITHER you're an empath or you're a sociopath. EMPATHS ARE JUST AS RARE AS SOCIOPATHS.
On another note, to the ladies who are spamming this entire section with their ridiculous monologues:
4. ALL OF YOU WHO ARE PLAYING THE VICTIM HERE: YOU WERE JUST IN A FAILED RELATIONSHIP. GET OVER YOURSELF. SOCIOPATHS ARE EXTREMELY RARE AND USUALLY END UP MURDERERS. LEAVE YOU JUVENILE WHINING FOR YOUR BFFLS. RELATIONSHIPS DON'T WORK OUT, END OF STORY. TO START TRANSCRIBING THE ISSUE TO A MENTAL ISSUE ON YOUR PARTNERS FAULT IS ACTUALLY KIND OF RUDE. STOP YOUR SELF PITYING DIRGE AND REALIZE YOU DATED A DEADBEAT ASSHOLE. LOTS OF PEOPLE DO. YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL. - AnonymousMarch 17, 2011 at 7:55 AM
How do you get a Sociopath back (well as much of him as possible anyway?) Call me crazy, maybe I am. Anyway we are a family, me and him have a child. He comes to see our child and is still all over me after 4 half years but he will NOT have sex with me for now 8 months. I imagine he has someone, but I dont care.. I want him. I want a sexual relationship with hime again. Why would a sociopath not have sex with me anymore when hes still all over me? is it a mindgame in itself or is there likely to be other reasons? Cheers
ReplyDelete - AnonymousMarch 17, 2011 at 8:14 PM
"SOCIOPATHS DO NOT FEEL" - wrong. Here let me give you clinical defintion of a sociopath. You will see that sociopaths feel. They do not extend there emotions to others. There is a difference. Educate yourself rather than post it caps your ignorance.
Psychopaths gain satisfaction through antisocial behavior, and do not experience shame, guilt, or remorse for their actions. Psychopaths lack a sense of guilt or remorse for any harm they may have caused others, instead rationalizing the behavior, blaming someone else, or denying it outright. Psychopaths also lack empathy towards others in general, resulting in tactlessness, insensitivity, and contemptuousness. They lack conscience and empathy. Their only concern it there own wishes and feelings.
Psychopathy, as measured on the PCL-R, is negatively correlated with all DSM-IV Axis I disorders except substance abuse disorders. Psychopathy is most strongly correlated with DSM-IV antisocial personality disorder.
Factor1: Personality "Aggressive narcissism"
Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
Callous/lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Factor2: Case history "Socially deviant lifestyle".
Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral control
Lack of realistic long-term goals
Juvenile delinquency
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release
Notice that not able to have emotions is nowhere on the list. However you may be correct in your theory about crimials. - "It is believed that the percentage of incarcerated criminals that meet the requirements of ASPD is somewhere between 80 to 85 percent". But not all are in for murder.
You seem to not know what a scoiopath is or you maybe confusing it with another disorder. Please educate yourself before coming here and typing in all caps things you don't know about or at least post evidence of your claim as I did. This list is from the DSM-IV. Where did you get your information...I would like genuinely to read it.
I agree that many here are not sociopaths and that many also probably are just attributing the label to a bad break up. Lastly it is estimated that about 3% males and 1% females in USA are socipaths. Thats menas 1 in 25. Does that qualify as extreme rare? These aren't numbers or theories I pulled out of my ass either. Purhaps you should read up on the pathology before SCREAMING assumptions. - AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 12:51 PM
The comments from self-proclaimed sociopaths worry me. I think I know one. He fits all these descriptions, he describes himself the way you do. My question is will he let me go if I ask him to like he says he will? What have I gotten myself into?
ReplyDelete - AnonymousMarch 23, 2011 at 12:02 PM
Can you really say a person doesn't have a clue about sociopathy when they say they can love? From what one mentioned above, being able to love, and being capable of emotion aren't in the diagnosis.
I really enjoy this site, and this post in particular. I have reasons to suspect a close friend is a sociopath. The only thing that convinced me awhile ago that he wasn't, was my thinking that if someone is a sociopath they can't feel love. But, he says his love is more of an obsession, and also is selfish and has no regard for her feelings (he cheats on her and feels no remorse, nor does he think its wrong) Characteristics of a sociopath? - AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 2:35 PM
What the fuck it wrong with you people, I don't know who I should be moer angry with the Socialpath or You-all for falling in love with them (the Socialpath of course). What the hell! No wonder women are always in abusive relationships! Well I'm not I respect my self, and my body. I don't just let a guy 'win'. No, I have a reputation for being hard to get, and guess what. I can't fall in love with someone, no matter how much time I spend with them, IT JUST DOESN'T WORK ON ME. If I like someone, they most likly love me in return. Not only that, we seem to always 'click' with eachother. And it's not the feeling that drives us together (though it does make it more enjoyable) it's the incredible connection we have with each other. I'm speaking about one individual, and that's my husband (we've been married for 3 years, and have dated for 7).
YOU people need to learn what love is, before you jump into a relationship, especially with a socialpath. - AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 8:46 PM
Hello all. Let's just cut to the chase - my boyfriend of 6 months told me on Saturday that he was diagnosed as a sociopath resulting from drug addiction. You see? Even there he lied cuz addicition DOES NOT cause one to be a sociopath, right?
I am so conflicted here. Can someone be half a sociopath? I ask because when I read the symptoms, he meets some of them so dead on it scared the $%&$$ out of me! For example, he does have a quick temper, the likes of what I have never seen!
You will think I am making this up, and I wish there was a way to prove my point, but he is from a family like the Sopranos. I know this (not only because he told me) but because I have heard him talking to his dad and I have met his mother.
He was in prison for about 5 or 6 years for conspiracy to commit homicide and a RICO thing. On the side he still is a money collector. And he says he loves me everyday. He has told me things about his life that take my breath away. I mean bad things he has done or seen.
This is what I noticed as well. He will ask me to get something for him on Ebay or online. He says he will pay me back when this happens or when that happens. So when those things happen, he has a reason why he couldn't use the money to repay me.
Then he tells me men in his family treat the women like queens and take care of them. And for the most part, he does buy me things and always pays for meals and such. We had a knock down drag out fight this month over this money thing. And yes, I end up feeling guilty though he is the money that should feel bad, right?
If he says he has woken up and feels on top of the world, I guarantee he will say he hates life by the end of the day.
I listen carefully to him and he doesn't realize, but he contradicts himself constantly. I am afraid to talk to him often because if he is in a bad mood, anything and everything I say will be turned against me.
When his mother left last month (she was out here visiting a dying family member) he cried when she left. He said he misses her so much and it hurt for him to see her for a week and then she flies back across the country.
Can a sociopath cry about their mom? He tells me about some women in his past, that his Dad asked if he wanted them taken out for a drive, you know what I am saying? He told his dad no because they are mothers. Would a sociopath say that?
He hates what I do, because I work in the sex industry. He says it is killing him. But I have never asked him, because it is bad for me or just makes you look bad?
You are probably reading this and wondering if I have a screw loose. Well it seems I do. I had a rough, rough upbringing myself, so that explains some of it.
My question is this, can he love some but then be cold and deadly against others? - femmefataleMarch 31, 2011 at 12:54 AM
i think that alot of people on this site are self-diagnosing. this is fine but please don't try to diagnose your signifigant other, maybe that person is just plain mean. that's actually a much more common thing than sociopaths. also why does it only seem to be "empath" female victims on here i'm a female sociopath and have caused plenty of damage. if you want to know the truth i'm fine with the damage i cause people. true sociopaths do not have emotions, we know how to fake them extremly well. to everybody who wonders if sociopaths can love NO. love is an emotion, the clinical definition of a sociopath is no emotions. love is a game and i don't cut anybody lose from my web until i've taken everything from them. however for sociopaths out there looking for the next big thrill or drama (which we tend to need) try dating another sociopath and try to find out who can win. i've been with one off and on for seven years and we always end up back together because it's always very intense and intresting. plus its a lot of fun to try and con a con-artist as they say. i do things all the time just to see if i can get away with them. and btw just because we don't feel doesn't mean we don't want to i would love to feel like "normal" people. i have two little girls that i can't figure out how to put ahead of myself. we all do the best we can with what we have. has any sociopathic parent been able to rise above themselves for their kids?
ReplyDelete - AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 10:08 PM
Sociopaths do not love, dimwit. To love is to care, and they don't. This is further evidence that you are just a narcissist who is dying to be anything else and talk about yourself ceaselessly on your conceited ridiculous blog.
ReplyDelete - KronosApril 3, 2011 at 4:01 AM
Ok i've never posted here so here goes. I am a possible sociopath, for as long as i can remember i have felt no guilt, felt better than everyone else and lied. Its actually funny how much you can lie to people before they notice. I know how to steal without getting caught, how to get exactly what i want. Why because people are gullible, caring fools. Blinded by empthay and emotions raging out of control. Its simply a stupid and unsustainable way of life.
But to the subject at hand. Can a sociopath love. Yes, yes we can. It is fiece, intense and absolute. The person you love becomes the single most important person to have ever live. I would have died or killed for my now ex. But emotions are not nessicarily unavailable to us. We just have better control. However i really found one comment here true in that i found myself changing to attempt to become "the perfect man". Parroting movie lines, copying others behavior trying to be the best i could.
Unfortunately this can only carry you so far until you start leeching completely off your parnter. Copying tastes, ideals, mannerisms. Till you become them and then they are bored by you. I still think with enough training and time you could become the person of someones dreams.
I live my life though a variety of masks. Personality constructs that i have developed for certain situations. Easily interchangable and all preventing access to the core of my being. I must keep the core hidden because it is unacceptable to most of society. I have a friend who understands this but i hadn't found anyone who was similar, till recently. I met this girl who is so multifacceted and complex she is like me. She has different masks she wears some that are diametrically opposed to each other. Now lets clarify, these are like putting on an accent or pretending you are someone else. These mask are all separate if not complete then fragmented personalities. All with their own likes, fears, wants and needs.
Also in case you were thinking it, this is multi-personality disorder of similar conditions because we are in control of these constructs. We use and discard them as needed.
So in conclusion, maybe i'm not a sociopath. I can feel, i choose not to. I don't feel any guilt or empathy (which is the actual clinical definition of sociopathy, having no emotions is a separarte disorder called Alexthmyia (not sure sp)) Can i love, yes and dangerously so. However it requires constant effort to update and control the construct. Its time intensive and hard. But its worth it and i really think that me and this girl have a shot to work together. Be each others dreams. - Mr TimeApril 3, 2011 at 4:22 AM
I just finished reading this properly and just laughed so goddammed hard at the posters with religious messages. I'll tell you what i think of your religion hahahahahahahahahahaha. Really you call sociopaths pathetic, deluding yourselves that a loving all powerful sky-being is watching and protecting you is just sad. "Heal them with the power of christ" made me laugh so hard, for so long. You have the same chance of making me christian as i have of eating the moon. Its a joke really. Its a personal fantasy of my to kidnap a deeply religious person and watch them try to justify what happens to them and their families. Tell me that your all loving all powerful god cares when i put a knife under your fingernails or put a bullet in the brain of your loved ones.
Do you really think that people like me would exist if god was watching. Do you think that you are special, protected. You aren't and i'm actually glad to not be human because it means i'm not the same species as those who would delude themselves so readily.
Back to laughing at your and your god. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH - AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 2:49 PM
I have a question. I believe that a person I was once in a relationship with was a sociopath. I am in my 30s and have been in about half a dozen serious relationships in my life. This one in particular was different than all the others. It was different on many levels, but the two most distinguishing features of this relationship was that I felt love like I have never felt it before, and I gave and lost more than I have ever given or lost before. Looking back, I am trying to access/reconcile a couple of things.
I am interested in hearing about the love perceived by people who have been in similar situations. Are there any features that made this different for you? Was your sociopath just another passing ship, or a haunting double edged memory, the best and the worst? What made it the best? Any insight here, stories, examples would be useful. For example, a way this person looked at you? Things said? Oddities?
Thanks - AnonymousApril 12, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Can a sociopath love? simple answer, no. Why you ask, because I have never loved.
The feeling that we feel is actually more of a desire let's call it "want".
When we decide that we "love, want, need" someone or something we interpret it as just that, but in actuality the base emotion we are actually feeling is "want" we long to own a person, or to make them our "play thing".
Truth is we play our game until it becomes to easy or boring, and so we slowly take off our masks until you do not like what you see and leave or we just drop you off on the next stop.
We are not capable of love for anything short of a small length of time.
Do not tell me we are monsters, you perceive what we do as an evil unacceptable thing.
To us, this is how life is truly lived. - AnonymousApril 16, 2011 at 3:02 AM
The only type of sociopathic love which could actually be considered anywhere near the "real" thing, I find, is when someone doesn't buy into you, because then it actually becomes a chase and not a trap.
ReplyDelete - AabaakawadApril 16, 2011 at 6:53 AM
The victims that have posted may sometime be using the common definition of sociopath rather a truly precise medical definition. There are several pathologies that can drive people to abuse without empathy. But whether they are true sociopaths or something else, without empathy or conscience, love is not possible. Desire, yes. Want, yes. Lust, of course. Comfort, excitement, pride, conquest -- you bet. Even with great intensity.
But love? Not on your life. - AnonymousApril 17, 2011 at 7:34 PM
I've never laughed so much in my life! HAHAHA. Reading the articles on this website, and especially this article, it's hilarious! what a laugh! Yeah go ahead and ask a sociopath if they can love or not, because someone who has no capacity for it really knows. i suggest, as a cognitive psychologist and accredited hypnotist with advanced experience in mentalism and NLP and a good grounding in memetics, all empaths dealing with psychopaths or sociopaths learn the basics of mind control to get an idea of what to look for, so you may better guard yourselves against these people who purposefully, and sometimes without intent, vie for control of what makes you who you are--your brain. Alright, come on people don't allow yourselves to be duped. Sociopaths are the carnies of the mental world and empaths are the rubes. it's all a game of survival and self-interest on their end. Looking at it in the most acurate way, sociopaths are like parasites or viruses in the shape of a human, they know nothing but the very base instincts and act accordingly to acheive fulfillment of those intinctual drives. What a spectacular and fantastically malicious entity; a virus with all the intelligence of a high functioning human brain. They run on nothing but instinct, having no real substantial emotional capacity for authentic Love. they'll never know it, they have never known it, so what makes you think they can tell you if they can or not? what they think they feel--those times when there is some modicum of satiation--is actually just a boost of seratonin in their brains that eventually goes away. It's one of the reasons why they're always looking for stimulation--because theyre constantly grasping at emotional straws--trying to "feel" the way actual human beings feel. we take it for granted, being able to love; sociopaths and psychopaths, they are all trapped on the outside of what it really means to be human. Just like the walking dead--theyre empty, and without real substance. Because, let's face it, folks; being able to love is what makes humans human. being able to love brings one closer to achieving the divine...even a dog has more capacity for real love, selfless love and devotion, but sociopaths and the like...now, that is a tragidy .
ReplyDelete - AnonymousApril 17, 2011 at 7:35 PM
(continued form above) The fact is, NO. absolutely 100% NO. they are incapable of any form of love. "Selfish love" isnt love its an instinctual need for self-perpetuation and preservation coupled with that of a release of seratonin brought on by the only way they can get it--using others (just like a parasite that feeds off a host's energy and life they prey upon those that allow themselves to be their victims). When the writer of this article said when they kiss someone they want to consume that person, that's actually a great example for this--theyre trying to feel love, always trying to feel something, grasping, attemptin, always seeking that release, that which fills and is complete. But it's useless, because they can't. Any happiness, "love" they experience, it's all fleeting. If a sociopath says they can Love--it's just a line. Some of these individuals, no doubt, genuinely think they actually have a capacity to Love, but under further study, as many of you complete beings already know, they have none... be strong and don't let them feed on you. and if you are in a relationship with one, get out you can't help them, there is no hope for these people. If some of these individuals can successfully dupe their own psychologists, actual professionals, what makes you think you have a chance--leave it to us professionals with a solid background in mind control, please...it's safer for everyone. Don't be a willing victim either--for it's a sociopath/psychopaths dream..arm yourselves mentally, a book for starters would be Virus of the Mind by richard brodie, Dr. Martha Stout's The Sociopath Next Door, and Dr. Robert D. Hare's Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of The Psychopaths Among Us...as well as any starter resources for hypnosis, mentalism, and NLP. It will open your eyes to some of the mechanisms used by these individuals by teaching you how to use them yourself.
ReplyDelete my boyfriend was diagnosed as a sociopath 3 years ago. he also has clinical depression and I.E.D(intermittent explosive disorder). i was diagnosed a sociopath 5 years ago.
we have been together for 5 years. we have taken breaks, but we are getting married in 2 months.
they main key to our relationship has been communication. we have a rule that when we argue and start to push eachothers buttons to harshly we leave the house and go do whatever we have to do to calm down before we come home so we can just talk it through civily rather than attempt to manipulate one another into submission when it's not gonna happen.
we talked this over with our therapist and she said it was worth a shot. It's worked so far in our relationship. Admittedly times get tough and there are days where I come home from work questioning what I'm still doing in this relationship. I'm a very independent person and I'm still not completely adjusted to the restriction of a relationship.
This is why we take breaks when one of us get stuck in a rut.Cheating is obviously an issue but 'what happens during breaks, stays on breaks'. We both want children, but that would complicate things further so I suppose we'll see what happens in the future.
But it is possible and we love each other very much.- AnonymousApril 23, 2011 at 3:45 PM
Socio/psycopaths DO NOT LOVE. They are incapable of it as another anonymous poster has clarified. That is the essence of socio/psycopathy; the inability to care, feel compassion, for others. My sociopathic husband has lived a secret life cheating on me more times than I have fingers and toes to count them with. He carries a permanent, communicable STD that he fails to tell his "victims" of, all the while professing his care/love/concern...until the rush is over and he's off to another hapless soul. He can cry on command and stop just as quickly. He changes therapists as soon as they realize what he is. Sociopaths are incapable of love; it is the essence of who they really are. They are, however, Oscar-worthy actors...
ReplyDelete - AnonymousApril 23, 2011 at 8:50 PM
You make being loved by a sociopath sound awsome. It sounds like my ideal fanasized mate.
..It would be really bad though if I did not want to be with them.
I have a secret fear that everyone I dissapoint (like break up with) is a sociopath and will make my life a living hell (in secret) for a very long time afterwards. I am not going to stop wishing for my perfect sociopath though. - AnonymousApril 25, 2011 at 11:45 AM
a few of the staements in this article sound like me but i actualy put one person ahead of me does tha mean i am a sociopath
ReplyDelete Hmm, i do feel something other people, it probably isn't the same as what "normal" people feel, but that doesn't mean that these feelings are not genuine. I care about 1 person specifically who is my sister, she has looked after me through childhood. So in return i will protect and look after her. Do i care? to some level yes, if she died, i would be annoyed, i like talking to her. But in the end of the day, C'est la vie.
A lot of the comments of people claiming to be sociopaths, don't really sound very sociopathic. Why you are trying to convince yourself that you are sociopathic? hoping that we will agree with your diagnosis is also very sad. Yes we have great qualities, but pure will power will never make you get them.- AnonymousMay 2, 2011 at 8:34 PM
On March 24th, I sent a message here that contained (but this is not the entire message) this info:
<... am so conflicted here. Can someone be half a sociopath? I ask because when I read the symptoms, he meets some of them so dead on it scared the $%&$$ out of me! For example, he does have a quick temper, the likes of what I have never seen!
You will think I am making this up, and I wish there was a way to prove my point, but he is from a family like the Sopranos. I know this (not only because he told me) but because I have heard him talking to his dad and I have met his mother.
He was in prison for about 5 or 6 years for conspiracy to commit homicide and a RICO thing. On the side he still is a money collector. And he says he loves me everyday. He has told me things about his life that take my breath away. I mean bad things he has done or seen.
Then he tells me men in his family treat the women like queens and take care of them. And for the most part, he does buy me things and always pays for meals and such. We had a knock down drag out fight this month over this money thing. And yes, I end up feeling guilty though he is the money that should feel bad, right?
If he says he has woken up and feels on top of the world, I guarantee he will say he hates life by the end of the day.
Can a sociopath cry about their mom? He tells me about some women in his past, that his Dad asked if he wanted them taken out for a drive, you know what I am saying? He told his dad no because they are mothers. Would a sociopath say that?
My question is this, can he love some but then be cold and deadly against others?>>
What an idiot I feel like reading this. If only I had waited about two weeks, then I would have found out all the above is pretty much a HUGE lie.
His family is NOT the Sopranos. They are not rich (he told me their house looked like Victoria Gotti's place.) I googled the address and saw it was a regular two story family dwelling. Therefore, he has NO trust fund. He was NO WAY IN HELL in prison, thus he is NOT a Class A Felon. And why the fuck would anyone want people to think that. Part of his "I am in the mafia" fantasy?
After I wrote this, I found out he had been cheating on my 3 out of the 5 months we were together. When we broke up he was telling me all I ever did was talk about money. Um, maybe because he took all my money? You see how they turn it around?
He is a sick, pathological liar, the likes I have never experienced. Btw, he is a "vintage" barber in the S.F. Financial District. Someone hacked his Facebook page and he is blaming me. But I don't know how to hack into anything. I think it is the woman he is with now, who he gets back with every single time he gets bored with the lastest woman he is lying to. She has to be nuts herself to keep going back to him.
So I know it is her. Anyway, go take a look at it. His name rhymes with Icky the Barber. He is 34 and looks about 55 due to all the drugs he has taken/takes.
I knew something was wrong with him almost immediately but I tried to push it away. So I am going to trust the shit out of myself from now on. - AnonymousMay 3, 2011 at 1:08 AM
They say sociopaths can't love, but I think that is an unfair diagnosis. What they are comparing may very well be irrelevant. The general consensus is that a sociopath can not love; in the normal way. It seems that what a sociopath really loves are games. So, and please excuse me if this topic has been covered already, why couldn't a sociopath fall in love with another sociopath? Love is a very general word, and frankly it seems useless to try and define it. Although it seems that whenever one accuses a sociopath of the unability to love, they have a very clear definition of it. So, I'm wondering what it is exactly that a sociopath is incapable of?
ReplyDelete - AnonymousMay 3, 2011 at 12:37 PM
Do sociopaths ever commit suicide? I know that people with all different sorts of illnesses/disturbances contemplate or commit suicide. Do you think the idea and/or practice of suicide is different for a sociopath? Is there more of a tendency to hurt others over self? Where does that come from? Just want to know your thoughts.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousMay 6, 2011 at 8:35 PM
By definition, a Sociopath is incapable of love.
"True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be."
Love is love, not what you think or want it to be. Romance, seduction ... these things can be selfish. Love is never selfish. You may be selfish and be 'in love' with someone, but it does not mean you truly love them.
Sociopaths, also by definition, are insane and unable to recognize that anything is wrong with them.
Just b/c you have certain characteristics included in a Sociopath make up does NOT mean you are a Sociopath.
I'm a loving, patient and understanding individual. I also have depression and social anxiety. I'm very empathetic, and identify with some of the characteristics of a sociopath but if I had all of them, I wouldn't recognize myself as one. Why? B/c the inability to love another person and feel no guilt while torturing others is insanity. Insane does not know it is insane.
''The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.''
- Carl Jung
''Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.''
- Carl Jung
You cannot say that you are a sociopath and love someone b/c a sociopath is by definition incapable of loving anyone. It's like saying you work 8 hours a day just b/c you clock in and clock out but not doing any actual work. Cheating, lying, stealing or manipulating is not love. - GiovanniMay 6, 2011 at 9:48 PM
Am I the only one who feels hopeless in the face of overwhelming ignorance? Most Notably, Kronos and PostModernSociopath, the biggest idiots on this thread.
Empathy is an intelligence, not gullibility. You control others because you are WEAK. Control over others is weakness disguised as strength. You are weak.
PostModernSociopath: Ugh. Seriously, you belong in your own dimension. - RohausMay 12, 2011 at 7:22 AM
This is my first time encountering this blog, and I find it disconcerting that so many "non-sociopaths" seem to be experts on sociopathy. So much so that they would argue with a Soc about what he/she feels or is capable of! Or reading some statement in a definition (as if humanity can really be "defined" with language) and applying it blindly to the experiences of a whole diverse group of people. I've read Cleckley, Hare, and they, after DECADES of clinical study with THOUSANDS of ASPDs make NO assertions with certainty as to what the inner experiences of a Soc/Psych are. In fact they call it the ABSOLUTE MOST DIFFICULT thing to ascertain therapeutically, as without the capacity for emotional rapport, there can't exist the human bonds (trust, etc) that allow clinicians to access said inner being. So how dare you tell someone else what they experience or are capable of experiencing. I used the "word" experience instead of the "word" feel because it has less of the artificial connotations we as humans attach (artificially) to all sorts of constructs. You can read a definition in a book, and then say I cant feel anything, but you cant say I don't experience anything, nor have you any idea what that may be. The point is they're just words. I am ASPD, officially diagnosed 4 years ago, only accepting it internally as we speak. I was raised and socialized responsibly by 2 well meaning parents, and so my own lack of emotional empathy has caused me great inner conflict. My life has been miserable precisely because of my inability to bond with others in any meaningful way. I found this blog in my attempt to find out if there was anyplace I could discuss things as I experience them, in an attempt to understand myself better and to better negotiate life, which cannot be done without some interaction with others. But I see that the blogosphere is not much different than anywhere else. Popular beliefs are just as popular, super-simple, and uninformed as everywhere else, and to volunteer myself as fodder for a modern-day "witch hunt" seems foolish. I may be self-serving. I may be deceitful in the pursuit of my own aims. I may even be unable to "feel" love as you normies and empaths do. But I am not incapable of feeling ANYTHING. And I most certainly am not EVIL. I have no desire to hurt people or cause them pain for the sake of hurting them. I merely don't have the capability for empathy or emotional bonding, and therefore am destined to hurt those who truly love me the most. And that sucks.
ReplyDelete - RohausMay 12, 2011 at 9:34 AM
And to whoever is gonna read the above and tell me that I must not be a sociopath, I say:
Nowhere in any definition in any book that I have read does it state that a Sociopath ENJOYS hurting people or that he ACTIVELY PERSUES opportunities to hurt people. It's this extra measure of "meaning" that creates some of the horribly ignorant beliefs captured on this site by people who "think they might have dated a sociopath". Or buy into the popular notion of sociopathy as being the domain of serial killers, rapists, etc. There is so much inference in that notion as to be absurd. Ted Bundy and The Unibomber are found to be sociopaths. OK, most such criminals are found to be sociopaths. SO..... most sociopaths must be seriously deviant predatory criminals who we must be protected from. Sounds good to most people until we change the word sociopath to geniuses, or were charming, or were president of their high school class, or were diabetic for that matter. You get the point. Or to put it another way that might engage your "sensibilities" as mine are by definition, different:
The 2 or 3 best female basketball players are found to be lesbian. OK the majority of the best female basketball players may be found to be lesbian. SO..... most lesbians must be great basketball players. No one misses the essential mistake of such logic, and yet, no one can believe that the percentage of sociopaths that are actually murderers, rapists, or even convicted criminals, is probably not much higher than the percentage of lesbians who play basketball. It bothers me TREMENDOUSLY that my life experience is restricted to "black and white" while everyone else's is in color. I know what love is because I have experienced it, Most notably from my mother and from my daughter. And it PAINS me not only that I cannot reciprocate it in kind, (It's as if I am mimicking what they give me, or an image of what I think a loving person would do, but it is not emanating from my soul so to speak) but that instead I actually DEEPLY HURT the people I care about the most because the ones who love you the most, are usually the ones who depend the most on your love. And contrary to what you might believe because you watched a made for TV movie or took Intro to Psych your freshmen year, That is not enjoyable to ANYBODY. Probably not even Ted Bundy. - RohausMay 12, 2011 at 9:40 AM
One distinction that some might find helpful before I go. A lot of you "victims" understandably find it comforting to define your signif's behavior as being a sociopath and therefore biologically incapable of love, period. There are multitudes of possible realities however; including, i suspect, the most probable: He never loved YOU. Never thought he loved you, never meant he loved you the thousand times he said it. Only played you for his own personal gain. I understand that that's a much harder reality to live with. And as I examine the relationships in my past, ones I have filed under such "normal" categories as: My Highschool Sweetheart, The time i was "in love", My Soulmate, The one who got away, etc., I find that I was fooling MYSELF. I never loved these women, I used them for whatever benefits the relationship gave me at the time. Don't get me wrong, I didn't treat them badly. I would dare say most of the women who have been in a relationship with me remember it fondly, and consider me a good mate. Some would readily enter into another relationship with me. But I KNOW, that whatever they were in love with.... wasn't me. I'm not your Soulmate, but I play him whenever we're together. And part of me knows this, even at the time, but I cant express or explain it. It's not planned or intentional, and certainly not malicious. I'm just entering into relationships like everyone else. Trying to grow up and find love and my place in the world like everyone else. And at some point you say you love me. So I say it back. I mean we have so much fun together and the sex is great, and I introduce you as my girlfriend, I MUST LOVE YOU. I don't know any better. Anymore than a colorblind person knows when he sees an orange that he doesn't "experience" orange. To him his experience is authentic. He notices when others describe it they include some concepts he cant identify with, but he learns how to say them, so as not to be left out of the conversation. Not to hurt or deceive, but to be included. Not until such time - in my case MUCH later - as he learns about colorblindness and finds out he has it, can he look back over his entire existence and recognize it as nothing but a series of lies. I may seem particularly "raw" for a sociopath, probably because I've just been one in my own mind for a few days. For the whole rest of my considerable years, Ive been trying to be normal, and wondering what's wrong with me. I'm sorry I hurt the women I hurt. Some of them I cared for deeply. I would call that remorse. But with my new knowledge, I realize that I'm not remorseful, mainly because given the same circumstances, if it was to my benefit I would readily continue to deceive. That still doesn't mean I don't wish I was different. Am I a monster? Certainly not. Is it advisable to enter into a relationship with me with the intention of finding "true love"? Probably not. But am I capable of existing in human relationships that are mutually beneficial? Of course. And while, if pressed, I must admit that I didn't truly "love" any of the women I've dated, it's more of a deficiency than a willful game. I "wanted" to love them. I "tried" to love them. I just can't. With my mother, and especially my daughter, whom I care for more than anyone else in the world, I am destined to study for the rest of my life, to remember my lines so as not to flub or stumble. I must give the performance of my life. Because she will have the most loving, caring father anyone's ever had. And I'm almost moved to tears to read for the first time that whatever I feel for her, doesn't come from the developed emotional core that the rest of you have. But I'm gonna keep calling it love.
ReplyDelete - UmbrielMay 17, 2011 at 11:28 AM
All of the semantic bickering over the definition of "Love", "Strength", etc. aside, I'm reminded of serial killer H.H. Holmes (the "Devil" of the recent book Devil in the White City). Holmes was more of a murderous con-man than the simple prostitute predator we largely associate with the term today, but I think clearly a sociopath of the most dangerous sort.
Apparently he married some time before his exploits really got going, and later abandoned that wife and children, but continued to send them some financial support. While awaiting trial for one of his murders, he wrote two contradictory sets of memoirs (first denying, and then confessing everything -- including things he plainly hadn't done, but made for a more lurid story), and in those pre-Son of Sam law days made sure that all the proceeds went to his abandoned family. I think Holmes clearly had feelings for his wife -- whether one would define them as "love", or something closer to "pride of property". - AnonymousMay 19, 2011 at 7:00 PM
Hey, I was a previous poster and just wanted to stop in and check on the discussion. It's really interesting how this is an ongoing debate... obviously a lot of people feel they have a reason to look up the subject or weigh in on it.
I also just wanted to say to posters who are telling jilted lovers to get over themselves or whatever to have a little empathy (assuming you aren't a sociopath). These people have been through some kind of traumatic relationship, maybe with a sociopath, maybe with a scoundrel. If they first, they have suffered enough. And if the second, they may just need to believe they were dating a sociopath for whatever messed up thing that happened to them to make sense. So let it be.
Lastly, and this again pertains to those jilted lovers (clearly, I'm one), why is it so hard for some of the posters to believe that others may have in fact been dating a sociopath? The person I dated had killed people at war and literally felt nothing about it. Not "yeah, got those bastards" or remorse or whatever. He just felt nothing. Also, he manipulated me until I couldn't even recognize myself and when I was on the brink of suicide from that, he literally walked away assuming I was going to kill myself, but totally indifferent to it. Luckily, I made a call and got some help (obviously not dead). That relationship, though 2 years ended, still has an effect on me and my ability to trust, etc. - AnonymousMay 22, 2011 at 4:20 AM
My ex-husband and I are now 57 and we were together for 30 years. He was diagnosed a Sociopath at age 19 in the correctional system, only I didn't find out about it until 3 years ago, one night when he was drunk and spilled the beans. Since I didn't really know what a Sociopath was, I went online and found 95% of the Sociopathic profile fit him to a T! I use to blame his problems on his alcoholism. Wish it had been, since alcoholism is treatable.
I confronted him when he was sober, he tried to deny it, but when I wouldn't budge from being in his face, he finally admitted that he was diagnosed as a Sociopath BUT he didn't think he was a Sociopath! Yeah, right!
He's unemployed, homeless, and currently in jail. At least he now has a roof, bed, food and medical and he's drying out. While I still care about him and hope he gets his act together one day, I've done all I'm going to do for him and have already said my final goodbyes.
We were not only married, but great lovers, and the best of buds and sometimes we fought like cats and dogs who loved to make up!! Now I'm not sure exactly what was real and what was not. Since he was in and out of prison throughout our relationship it gave us breaks from each other, so maybe that's why our relationship lasted so long (besides his refusal to let go and my ability for forgiveness)!
While I ended our marriage over 2 years ago, I still tried to be his friend and help him get his life together.
As far as I know, he never messed around on me until I found out about his being a Sociopath. Then he met this drunken slut who I think might be narcisstic (based on personal experiences, and what both him and her mother told me). Now he's safe in jail and will probably being doing a year or so for slapping the slut around.
While he is one of the smartest men I know, he is also one of the most incompetent! He has never learned how to take care of life! He's very charming, charismatic, cunning, a quick-study and con artist, dynamic, intelligent, articulate, mystical, an artist and a poet, aggressive, powerful, determined, tall, dark, handsome, large mesmerizing eyes and a deep hypnotizing voice! He always stands out in a crowd, even when he's a homeless drunken bum!! Because of his charm and intellience, he has always been given too many 2nd chances by people, including those in positions of authority. He has had more chances in life then most and more then he deserved. He was overly optimistic, unrealistic and grandiose about everything, never really worked hard at anything; and didn't ever seem concerned, ashamed or embarrassed about it either.
When he failed, he just dusted himself off, smiled big and handsome and made you feel that no matter what he was still a winner!!
I did love that man, or the man I thought he was! But I also felt hatred for him, esp. towards the end. I'm tired and worn out. Time for me move on.
I've read the discussions here about whether or not Soicopaths actually feel love, and while some may say be realistic since Sociopaths can't love....how can 30 years of feeling love not be real love, even if it's not the same type of love average humans experience? There were moments when our souls touched and we merged as one in love....I'm sure of it, just as I'm sure that he's not capable of sustaining that love. But for the moments we experienced it, our love was real.
Namaste' -- Sidra I could use some advice. I am in the opposite situation from most of the people on here. I am a clinacally diagnoses sociopath (.. or antisocial personality disorder) I am very self aware and always have been. My boyfriend is an overly sensitive empath and we have been together for two years. He struggles to understand me and I struggle to not act on my normal behavior.. I have to watch what I say around him. If someone's friends grnadpa dies and I say "so what, I didn't even know him" he comes unglued. He says it disturbs him that I am cold hearted. I am not cold hearted though. I love him with what I can only call an obsession, I am faithful and go out of my way to be honest with him. I love him for all that he is and all that he isn't yet he can't seem to understand that he should feel speacial that I love him and only him... that all of my ability to love lies with him only instead of feeling scared of me or sickened by the fact that I just don't give a damn about anyone else. Please, help me out here.. how can I get him to understand without acting and manipulating him. I want this to be a real honest open relationship. I don't want to have to play the part anymore... well, not with him anyway.
kel- AnonymousMay 27, 2011 at 1:12 AM
Hi kelly, Male Sociopath 21 here. I've had an open and stable relationship with my girlfriend for around a year now. I really do think I love her, or I atleast find her to be the best human being ive ever found and she loves me for me. Told her about my sociopathy in month three, and I think it helps to be open and express your reasoning behind the way you think. What an empathizing person like your boyfriend finds odd about your personality is that he can't grasp the reasoning behind your inability to feel sympathy for dead grandparents as an example. It sounds like your boyfriend is the type to be overly emotional about things, so just telling him your unable to feel the same way he does would not be the best way to do it. But let little bits of your "true" personality leak out every once in awhile along with expressions of your honest love for him and perhaps ways that having a cold personality isnt all bad. And if it fails try not to be too upset, if he cant accept the real you it would never have worked out. I hope this advice is helpful and you can find some happiness in the world :)
ReplyDelete - AnonymousMay 27, 2011 at 1:31 AM
>They're free of the rose-colored glasses empaths falling in "love" often wear.
a sociopath who is aware but doesn't care is no different than an empathic who cares but is unaware.
the empathic who lacks awareness ends up becoming the ally of the sociopath.
most sociopaths are dumb as a stump about the larger world around them because there are no personal benefits to developing that awareness and understanding.
most empathic are dumb about the world around them because they can't confront evil.
the level of sociopath a person has comes down to how large their circle of caring is. most people will care for no more than their family. this is a strong sociopath mindset.
empathic with strong tendencies are a small minority on this planet. I have been reading this blog and am facinated by how strikingly similar the traits and behaviors are with my current lover. i believe i was once married to a sociopath, he was distant and incapable of feeling love but it was almost as if it seemed to be a challenge for me to want to make him feel love for me... maybe this is why i find myself attracted to them aside from their charming conversation, ability to stroke my ego and lap dog type companionship. another thing i have noticed is that no one speaking on this blog seems to be ignorant people. everyone seems to be intelligent to a certain degree which leads me to believe that it may be possible that we are attracted to sociopaths partially because we possess some form of it ourself. its different if one doesnt know that he or she is being manipulated, but once it becomes apparent and a person still sticks around, its obvious the person isnt normal and seeks excitement just as the sociopath does and enjoys mind games as well. i do believe that if a person is borderline socipath they may still feel some emotion but their distorted views of reality cause them to interpret things differently therfore they feel emotion differently. they may love but their love isnt the true emotional form of love, in fact i think they may not be able to love but they can feel their own sense of "love" which is being adored. they love and long to be adored andto them this is what love is: when u give them material possessions and fall prey to their charm, and although they display some loyalty and return some of the "love" back which is material items ect, they are contradictory because they are so scared of being the victim that they are going to make sure when it all ends you will be the one who loses more. i believe their sense of love is not based upon emotional reasoning because they lack the understanding of real emotion so its based upon visual, material items, yet this doesnt mean they cant feel emotion, they are still human, if they didnt feel emotion they wouldnt get so easily angered. this is my reasoning. people like me who fall in love with such creatures can be amazed, almost mesmorized by the way that they think because they tend to change up their patterns once you let them know that your on to them, making them spontaneous and leaving you wanting more. they are available yet not available, open yet so closed. we cant figure them out and probably never will bc in the end they are still people, individuals, and cannot all be categorized into one definate way. thing is they are alluring.. and i must admit that although they take i have taken advantage of them too. it does please me in a way to keep someone around who is vunerable and needs me. to a certain extent it makes me feel empowered. i guess we are all monsters and should look in the mirror
ReplyDeletei think even true sociopaths can feel emotion but disregard any form of what they consider to be weakness which is of course feeling true empathy for anything or being caring, but i do think they feel or they wouldnt get any type of rise from hurting people. and they get hurt themselves which is the main reason they hurt so they got to feel emotions duh dont let them lie to you....another manipulation to make them seem they are somehow superior to normal emotional responding individuals. also i do believe there are false sociopaths, people who are just merely con-artists and practice this as a artform or maybe hobby. u can probably differentiate the two bthe control factors. a true sociopath always maintains or needs to feel the need of maintaining control of the situation and person, while a con-artist will allow you control once in a while in order to gain your confidence. common fuccin sense. in my opinion
ReplyDeleteMy 56 yer old BF of 15 years (who has carried on with black strippers for the last five) wrote this about love after 50: "Ambivalence is my natural state. Janet sees it as the enemy of love, but I see it as the enemy of certainty. Most people want certainty in their lives, but I agree with Benjamin Franklin that the only things certain in life are death and taxes. I know people take comfort in the illusion of certainty that religion provides, for example, but I just can't get there. I don't need to know that my life has "meaning" to enjoy it. Simply looking out my window at a gentle rain is enough. I don't need more.What is love? There are different kinds, such as between parent and child, but romantic love to me is basically friendship with sex thrown in. As you get older the sex becomes less important, so what is left is the friendship. Janet has a fairy-tale idea of love as some symbiotic blissful state where "when one person cries, the other tastes salt." I think this may be possible when you are 20, but not realistic at 50+. There is a reason Romeo and Juliet were teenagers. If they were 50 the play would have been a comedy. Passionate love is just a construct for horniness, which makes perfect sense. Humans should not be reproducing at 50. The reasons for living together at this age have more to do with companionship, expense-sharing, helping, etc. than romantic love. Janet would hate this. She seems to not be able to enjoy our being together unless it is part of a continuum of days stretching until death. Seems strange to me. If she was with a friend, would she ask the friend if they would still be friends in a week, month, year, forever? And that she could not enjoy the time spent together unless the answer was an unequivocal yes? Nobody can guarantee the future. I guess it may be best to just say "of course!"
Janet is always asking for a plan, "what my future will be." For some reason I just don't care that much about the future. In fact, I don't want to know what my future will be. I must have a thing for serendipity, spontaneity. The thought of knowing exactly what I'll be doing is boring. I suppose because my job has a high degree of predictability, I don't want the rest of my life to be likewise."
Does this sound sociopathic to any of you? BYW he wrote this because all the kids are out of our respective homes and it was time to move in together as we had always talked about.janet to answer your question it kind of sounds like he may be sociopathic meaning having some of their views as far as outlook on life and disconnection to true love, but no hes not a sociopath because if he was he wouldnt care about companionship and sharing of expenses ect.. real sociopaths dont even care about responsibilities or companionship at all. he may have never learned what real love is but that doesnt mean he may not care for others to a certain extent such as what you described as being a team. sociopaths arent interested in being a team, they just take. he is just someone who doesnt have a true grasp of real love and who may have infidelity issues. he did choose you as a partner for a reason though
ReplyDelete- AnonymousMay 31, 2011 at 9:21 PM
OMG! That is exactly what I do. I ignore all offers of love (sometimes for years)until I come upon someone whom I consider truly exceptional. I then become that person's perfect partner, sharing their interests and their home life while maintaining a private life separate from them. I always wondered how I could see their faults and still love them so intensely. Also, I was amazed by how, over time, I could become bored at the repetitiveness of the person. Once you swim the still deep waters over and over, it gets BORING. And I have no problem being alone. I'm surprised that I found you - now I know there are others who find humans to be generally stupid and pointless and boring... oddly though, I care deeply about people who are suffering, but that only lasts until I get to know them - and then, once I know their every secret and they just repeat the same mistakes over and over, never adapting through learning - I just get bored of them - I never liked re-runs unless the show was particularly amusing. Oddly, though, I find it hard to get rid of people - they always try to 'save' the friendship/ relationship. Why do they want to be with someone who has clearly lost interest? Why do they promise to change? I feel frustrated by this - especially when I know they have plenty of other friends. Does this happen to any of you?
ReplyDelete Desy - Thank you for your perspective. Of course, there are many other sociopathic traits in evidence in him. I do not see him as wanting my companionship as much as I see him needing a "nice girl" as a beard while he lived a totally decadent life that no one knew about. I wonder if he just does not want to lose his "beard." He was dating strippers for years but did not have sex with me for two years - and is still emphatic he never had sex with them even tho he took one half his age to NYC to visit his eldest son. I know he is easily bored, attaches dismissively, is a serial cheter, has treated me with an utter lack of respect, has been hooribly cruel in blaming me for his actions, totally minimized the shock and hurt I experienced and expected me to get over it in a month even tho it took him a year to to dribble out new details of his betrayal. I would process one hurt and then I would find out about another betrayal. HIs Dad died last week and now he wants me to give him a clean slate and start over with our reltionship. That is so unrealistic.
ReplyDeleteHe is quick to anger, cruel to me when his past reappears even when it was not me that brought it back. Example - we were out of town at a concert 8 months after he got discovered and a stripper texted and called him. He blamed me! Of course I thought he was still actively pursuing a secret life with strippers. Now that he lives alone, as do I, he can do whatever he wants without being discoverd. I told him I will not live with him and am dating others and now he insists he is the best man for me. That does not make any sense. He was also masturbating to porn on his computer every night and when I checked his history and asked him about the pron website, he claimed innocence and blamed his gay son who has lived in NYC for 6 years! The dates were current but he tells stupid lies and immediately gets angry and turns the blame and anger on me. I am very attractive, financially secure, debt free, independent, employed and have great family and friends yet he rejected me for strippers that were missing teeth - not even pretty ones - and cannot understand why I was ever hurt. He did feel enough guilt to write a confession letter and wanted to give it to his family, his sons, his friends and coworkers. I told him to go to a counselor and show her the letter and give it to no one until he could discuss it with a professional. He went to counseling 4 times, did not discuss the letter and gave that damned letter out. Everyone was shocked and he let them think I made him wrote it and give it out! When his mother wrote he a horribly hurtful letter, basically telling me he was just unsophisticated and I should just get over it, he told me his mother was right! I have trhee sons and if they ever betrayed someone like he did I would be the first one to kick their a$$ and get him help. After all this, he asked me to go to his family dinner immediately after they had buried his father! I have not seen these people for well over a year and he wanted me to be there? He will not commit to living together or ever getting married so his line about sharing expenses is BS. I told him after 15 years of life together and going through this horrific and prolonged betrayal I would not consider a committed relationship with him...yet he wanted me at the post-burial dinner? Maybe he just has many sociopathic traits but I know his brain does not process things like other people do - he has no understanding of why they act like they do!He also has many traits of a sex addict. It is hard because I loved who I thought he was for 15 years and want for him to be happy, but at this point I would rather be without him. I do not understand how he can behave the way he did and expect me to be fine with it. He has zero conscience and told me he does not feel any guilt about what he did. There must be degrees of sociopathy - and he has too many degrees for me to feel safe with him. His sons, one that ws only three and thinks of me as his Mom, will always be in my life. What an ugly mess, don't you think?
ReplyDelete- AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 8:10 PM
I have a question...I have been with my bf for a most two years now and when we first got together he asked for us to keep our relationship quiet, because the mother of his kids wouldn't let him see his kids if she knew he'd moved on etc...against my better judgement, I reluctantly agreed,however 6 months into the relationship, she discovered that he was with me. He was quite upset as she ran away with a guy and the kids...
I then found a bunch of emails,txts etc between them with her frustration at him not seeing her enough, at this stage he was living with me,we talked it through and he said that he was manipulating her in order to see his kids ONLY I have no proof that it's anything more, then 5 months later I see that he was doing it yet again,he said he was sorry but it was because he wanted to stay involved in his kis life day to day, and because she had a new bf that was why it was so important..... As a result I of course do not trust him at all and he knows this so he suggested counseling, I have just found out that again for the last 6 weeks at least he is doing it yet again,he lies,manipulates,has no genuine remorse,delusions of grandeur,extremely secretive and blames it on everyone else but himself, I also found a poem that he took the time to right to her stating that she should trust him,he's not evil or a liar and in time she will see... It makes sick I can feel his deceit whenever he's around and I have genuine concerns about whether he is in fact a sociopath,also he has said that if I ever talk to her or leave him all he'll will rein on me. I am tormented and confused all the time, and he seems oblivious to it. Does anyone think that this guy has those traits? Thanks Seems to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too , and neither you or his ex are the cake. I am no pro but it seems like he just wants to win and enjoys the game. My BF told me strippers were a game and now I know I was a game as well. I guess you have to ask yourself the same question I asked myself...does he offer me the best relationship I can have? The answer is no. You just have to value yourself more than he values you and that is not going to be too hard. Get over the need to have a man. BTW his kids are just pawns in his life as well, an easy excuse. I now believe I would rather be happy alone than be with a man and be treated badly.Are these menof ours sociopaths? I don't know but I know I am better off without him.
ReplyDeleteLove no. They can as the writer claims want to consume others and gain justification through their emotions. Hurting and manipulating people into loving and hating you is great and fun but now-where near love in the socially accepted meaning.
The closest a socio can get to love is to take on the challenge of making someone happy. Hurt and Pain and Love are easy emotions to fake and elicit in others but happiness is a complete different beast. Most empaths don't understand what happiness is so for a socio to achieve eliciting the emotion in someone is to overcome so many barriers and disadvantages. Other than world domination and mass genocide giving someone happiness is a true challenge.
If you are fortunate enough to have a socio want to make you happy then that's the closest they can come to loving you."To Anonymous - so a sociopath will find merit in someone, want them to be theirs and then resent them for being the kind of person the sociopath cannot be? That is sick. When you hurt someone that you have deceived about your loving them, do you feel no responsibility when they are hurt?"
Actually no. I like it. Seeing the effect you can have on people is one of the few pleasures I really get from life.Janet you are welcome :) I am going into studying psychology to become a counselor so its very helpful to study up on the way the human mind works and its very interesting to me. The guy you were with, (I dont know If you are broken up or just living separately) but the guy sounds like he may have missed out indulging in a lot of sexual fantasies when he was young and he is very immature for his age. I still dont think hes a sociopath, he may have some other mental disorder and yes Its apparent that he has a fetish for strippers and its a sex addiction that he will need help to overcome along with the masturbation because its a perversion and a obsession. I really hate to see that you had to go through this and I hope your not emotionally scarred from this relationship, he may be a person who doesnt really want love, he more or less wants something solid that on the outside world appears to be cookie cutter and legitimate, but he still wants to indulge in his fetish behind closed doors. I do think he is emotionally cut off and seems a little cold, but not a full blown sociopath or he would have no concern for a long term relationship. Everyones perception of what a relationship is is different, it depends on the person and their particular wants and needs. He sounds like a selfish person who doesnt really care about gratifying anyone but himself. Still dont think hes a sociopath, i believe sociopaths are consumed with their public image like him, but in most cases ive seen they beat their wives badly, they are sadistic (Enjoying the pain of others) And usually they wont be with the woman they showed commitment to for too long because they get bored but because they dont want it to seem like a disaster break up or a divorce (Failure in theirs and others eyes) they usually end up killing the woman and moving on to another woman.... Thats crazy but yeah hope this helped and I wish you the best!
ReplyDelete- AnonymousJune 16, 2011 at 1:16 AM
I am a too-smart-for-my-own-good type, but this post makes me even more likely to attempt identification of sociopaths and categorically reject them as possible lovers. What you describe in this post is manipulation, not love.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJune 17, 2011 at 11:42 AM
It appears to me that selfish love is not love at all. What you describe sounds like ownership; that the object (and the word "object" seems to apply strongly here) of your "affection" is a possession. That's not love, IMO.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJune 21, 2011 at 10:30 PM
It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship with a sociopath or not. If the relationship causes pain and anxiety.....get out. Obviously that person is not right for you and find someone who gives you the kind of love you want.
I just ended a 2 year relationship with a person with sociopathic tendancies. It was my fault for believing I could "save" her. You can't save somebody who does not want to be saved. I wished her the best and just cut off contact. I love her but I am much happier now and one day I will find the right person who shares my view on what I want in a relationship. the amount of comments here are insane. so what am i? i had never known love my whole life, didn't know what love was, still may not completely. i think the closest i felt (or closest intimacy) was at age 25, and now i wonder what he was, a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, borderline or what. i have always felt pain, anger, hate, though i was empathetic. but after what i went through with him, i quit feeling. tried to get him at his own game. now he calls me the horrible person! i do not like to be had, though i am stupid at manipulating and would rather do something else. i'm just screwed up!
ReplyDelete- Soulstice-trJune 23, 2011 at 2:17 AM
.....WAO.. I just spent a lot of time reading this whole section of the blog. It has been an amazingly helpful thing to find. I just am noticing that as I got closer and closer to finishing up copying and pasting the most valuable bits I found, which is like 75% or more of the blogs, my birthday was slowly creeping up as it brought me up to the most current post. It was, my birthday yesterday.. the 21st. And the person I suspect to have some variation of the aforementioned disorders and behaviors.. His birthday is today... The 22nd. Not really related.. Just an interesting and kinda trippy thing. Anyways, I've never even "blogged" before about anything, and I'm glad to have found this forum. It's giving me so much insight, and more importantly, some solace, some consolation, that I am not alone, and that I can start to heal from this painful experience. Thank you. I shall write again~
ReplyDelete - I hate sociopathsJune 29, 2011 at 3:56 PM
Sociopaths do not love. It's easy to see through their veneer, especially in these posts. Their idea of love is possessing someone, lying to them, not being faithful, & enjoying their emotional turmoil.
Sociopaths should all be put on a island, or in a death camp. Let them claw at each other for a while, get some of their own treatment that they put upon the world itself. We have enough NTs/Empaths who choose to be the way you are, without having people walking around who are barely human who have no off switch. - AnonymousJuly 6, 2011 at 12:19 AM
if yur a sociopath then go find some pray to mess with if not stop being stupid social creatures tryin to find a label and understanding to your poor pittiful life.. I'm not a sociopath I'm a god yu can all bow down or ill snatch..... wht do you things call it? Oh yeh "yur soul".. hahahaaa
Yu all are lucky to be blessed with my comment.. Well I love(d) a Socio.
I cried for him for over a year--every night.
I sobbed on my bed for him.
He was home -in my heart.
I never had a home. My mother molested me. I could have be thrown out. She would not have cared.
I died and died and died until I became numb.
My socio was very tender. I craved tenderness more than anything.I still do. Tenderness ,to me, is Heaven, a place where you could be vulnerable and no one would hurt you.- AnonymousJuly 12, 2011 at 3:19 PM
this has been a very interesting thread of insights. i have just left a situation that is similar to many i am hearing explained here. whether or not this man is a sociopath, i cannot diagnose, but he lied repeatedly and never seemed to care about how any of those lies affected the persons involved; instead, whoever was the "revealer", the "confronter" got the full blame of the situation and he continued, continues, to think himself blameless, or so it seems. once he knew i would never believe anything he said again, he turned the tables on me and i became "the liar". it took me 8 months to fully recognize that this was all a game to him. i am happy to say this relationship is over! however, i feel bad for the woman he is with now... i think her torture has just begun.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJuly 16, 2011 at 3:24 AM
I've only read through maybe half of the posts,however,I felt educated and thouroughly informed enough to give my opinion. No, I'm most certainly not an expert, but I have experienced a very unerving tumoultuous relationship with a sociopath.I've continued to make excuses for him even a year later after he violently assaulted me,headbutting me in the face and causing 20g's worth of damaged to my nose..I'm lucky I'm not dead or disabled.
Wish I knew then what I know now.
This is my experience with a sociopath-being a highly spiritual person,sensitive and highly aware, and yes, I'm an empath..times 10.
I had no idea what was coming, and if it wasn't for my great intuition and sensitivity, I would have been taken for quite more of a ride than
This guy came into my life claiming to be something he completly wasn't-successful, evolved, experienced, wanting to get married and take care of me (don't really care cause I'm quite capable myself),and he was none of this. He was completely incapable of holding a job, I found other peoples' credit cards in his wallet, he had no skills that he claimed to have other than being a skirt-chaser. After I fell for his bullshit my intuition told me that he was on other dating sites so I got a program that would follow his every key-stoke..on my computer mind you..and found out he was persuing other women and posting adds on dating sites..after asking me to marry him and profusing his undying unrequitted love for me. I ripped him a new ass, and he cried like a baby, all the while making up excuses why he did it:He felt disconnedted from me, it was just a social experiment, he was confused..etc.I forgave him, but in the process,I made him show me his computer and his correspondence with these other women (and men). Even though, I know he erased numerous emails before he handed it over to me.I had already gotten plenty of information from this program and demanded that in front of me,he email all these women that he could no longer correspond with them because he was involved with somebody. He did but it was a fight and he made things very difficult. It was then that he started physically abusing me.Because I tried over and over again to give him the benefit of the doubt because of the stupid EMPATH that I am, I dismissed his minor slaps..eventually these slaps became violent hitting and throwing, and choking. A few days later he broke my nose..now I'm trying to come up with the money to repair it..like a stupid EMPATH I believed that he wanted to get help and pay me back.He was buying himself time and trying to appease me and calmly get away from me..after HE assaulted me. I really wanted to believe him. He sent me emails and songs that he loved me..but as I pressed for him to take responsibility for what he had done, he became evasive and then stopped taking my calls saying he wanted me to leave him alone so he could move on with his life.
No guilt. No remorse. He didn't return my calls untill I called his mother on a Saturday night and told her that if he didn't call me he would have a SWAT team at his house shortly. The next morning he called. I got his ass over to my house saying that I needed help with something, and that was the least he could do for me. When he got here..four hours late, I called the cops and they arrested his ass. Now I have him in a million dollar lawsuit.
Go ahead an be an empath, but don't let these mother fuckers get away with taking anything from you..financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Don't give them the green light! Thease bastards need to be stopped! - AnonymousJuly 16, 2011 at 5:32 AM
I wanted to post more but had to seriously edit my post not knowing that there was a limit. I have many many words.
In the anonymous post just posted, I didn't completely express my beliefs.
I have this thoery that sociopaths are simply infants in the adult sense...and sometimes warped...when we are young children we go through different developmental phases. I believe that people who develop mental disorders such as personality disorders,or people who have disassociation occuring from a young age or any type of emotional disconnect from the world around them, have suffered some type of sever trauma, and I believe are stuck in a very child-like state of development. They are still stuck in the "me" stage and for some reason feel the need to continuously compensate and use "survival skills" that are no longer necessary into adulthood. It's like arrested development. If you're really spiritual, you might look at this as inadequecies within the first or second chakras...onto the third and fourth. If you never recieve what you need as an infant to grow into a proper prospering adult...you will always be in need of what you never got....Like my cat who was pulled away from his mother much too soon....he is 5 yrs old but when he's hungry, will always feel a need to nurse off of me...he licks me on any part of my body that he can find bare skin....he has a need that was never met and fufilled. Even though I give him more love and attention than most people give their pets...I taught him to sit and give paw, and he fetches.
Like I've said, I'm not an expert, but I feel there is some validity to this thought. Besides all the evidence that psychopathy or sociopathy is genetic, it's also been argued that it is environmental too...which would include the way we are raised and how much nurturing, love, and empathy we are surrounded by.
If you're raised by Tony Soprano as appposed to being raised by the Dali Lama....really...how obvious would the difference be????
That might be a really dumb question....but...it also might be the difference between being human and the question of being non-human.
You decide. - AnonymousJuly 16, 2011 at 7:05 AM
I meant it the other way around...the difference between being non-human and human.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJuly 16, 2011 at 12:36 PM
A word to the wise for all the folks commenting about the manipulative, dishonest behavior of their boy/girlfriends above - it is possible for someone not to be a sociopath and actually just be an asshole. It's not really that rare to come across a human being who not only behaves selfishly but feels entitled enough to experience relatively little remorse over the fact. Statistically it is more likely that you're dating one of these and not someone physiologically incapable of empathy. Thought I'd throw that out there.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJuly 16, 2011 at 3:40 PM
This needs to be said. A true sociopath may SEEM easy to control, But if you make one slip, one mistake, give him a single reason to look deeper into your game, than you are going to be on the wrong end of a possibly extremely dangerous situation. As a word of caution, Any attempt to control a sociopath may very well put you in a battle with a purely logical, calculating predator. A tiger can be calm and friendly, but if you threaten its survival i only hope you have a very, very good Plan B
ReplyDelete - AnonymousJuly 16, 2011 at 3:44 PM
I made the above comment to further the wisdom granted by the poster above it, not to troll, not to start an argument. Humans are Animals at there core. Never Forget It
-above poster - AnonymousJuly 23, 2011 at 1:37 PM
Can a sociopath love her child (i.e. my child)?
BB - AnonymousJuly 30, 2011 at 6:37 AM
Isn't it obvious that the blogger is manipulating you to believe that a sociopaths love is superior, when he can't love at all? Look at what website you are on.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 4, 2011 at 2:54 PM
It disturbs me that so many people believe that sociopaths are incapable of loving someone. I think that not all sociopaths are the same, and some may be able to love, while others cannot. As in any disorder there are different levels of being a sociopath. There is no singular mold that each one fits into. There are sociopaths who love, and love strongly. It is not for everyone without this disorder to decide that all sociopaths do not love. That is unfair and ignorant.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 7, 2011 at 9:46 PM
I both agree and disagree. Sociopaths see many many more faults than do empaths because (the smart ones anyway) tend to be very observant. We can see all the little flaws that others are blind to and frankly we don't care. We don't let societies rules tell us who we can and can't love because we just don't care what society thinks, its as simple as that. Our superficial charm and ability to manipulate our own actions does give us imense potential as the perfect mate. We can quite easily mould ourselves into anything you want, I personally don't much like the idea of drastic alteration to character, but if you think about it, I have to wear a mask every day just to fit in (hypocrite much?). And yes, we are some of the most loyal people you can meet, that is, if you have proven of value and do not cross clearly marked lines.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 13, 2011 at 6:39 AM
I think what I've read above is complete nonsense. Inability to love, disloyalty, wishful superiority and being sociopath are synonyms... Stop faltering youself
ReplyDelete There's something about the sociopath personality profile that I find confusing - supposedly sociopaths are not able to feel any sort of deep emotional attachment or empathy. However - if that's true, how is it that people like this derive such satisfaction from the suffering of their victims? It seems to me that these people are VERY empathic - that sociopaths DO feel and fully understand the pain and suffering they cause - and they ENJOY it. After all, if sociopaths felt no emotional connection whatsoever, why would they bother to hurt anyone? I may be wrong about this, but it seems like there's a direct - and even necessary - correlation between the satisfaction someone with sociopathic tendencies gets from manipulating/hurting others, and the depth of his emotional awareness.
I was married to a sociopath for 7 years. Eventually I realized that my endless attempts at 'a better relationship' were pointless, as my pain - be it emotional or physical- was precisely what he enjoyed. Before I knew what a 'sociopath' was, the term I used to define this particular personality trait in my own personal mental musings was 'emotional sadism', and to this day I still find the term to be extremely accurate. I always sensed that there was as almost sexual rush my ex-husband got from seeing me (or anyone else) in pain, especially when he was the cause. I think he also experienced intense pleasure whenever he was actively engaged in using deception or coercion to manipulate someone. His enjoyment seemed to be directly linked to the extent of the harm he was able to cause. The idea of 'corrupting innocence/betraying good' was, I believe, a crucial element to his enjoyment as well. Whatever desire he felt for me was fundamentally rooted in my own extreme honesty, kindness, trusting nature, and strong moral convictions - and the compulsion he felt to break, destroy, or betray all of that.
As the spectrum of my emotional extremes is somewhat wider in range than the 'norm' (or so I've been told at any rate), his experience of the emotional torment he caused me was no doubt very intense - and therefore extremely pleasurable. He no doubt believed that he 'loved' me, however, his 'love' was based on - and in direct proportion to - how much pain I was willing/able to endure.
It just seems like there may be an intrinsic contradiction in the usual clinical definition of 'sociopath', and that for a person to experience pleasure by causing another to suffer, he/she must also be empathic enough to understand what emotional pain feels like and what he needs to do in order to cause it.
As a side note: if this helps anyone, the thing that finally allowed me to end the relationship was by accepting that, yeah - I did was deeply, passionately, madly, in-love my husband, and probably always would be - and.... So what? IT JUST DIDN'T MATTER. What - I asked myself - would I do if one day I found out that my daughter was with someone who treated her the way my husband was treating me? How far would I go to protect HER from the kind of pain I was going through? 'Oh yeah? You'd do ANYYTHING to prevent that? ANYTHING??? Like...oh... say...LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND so that your little girl can learn that NO ONE is permitted to abuse or disrespect her - OR HER MOTHER.lol, it would be pointless to tell you how disgusting this blog is. All I see is a sociopath at face value. I am repulsed at every entry. You insult people constantly for being empathetic and see it as a weakness. Empathy is essential to human life. Why are you seen as wolves? You prey on people and devour them. A sociopath does not love. A sociopath can NOT love. It's completely laughable. You're so easy to spot and yet you tell people how difficult and tricky it is? Oh please. This is so disgusting. "We're not that bad, we just want to prey on you and toy with you because we "can." Is that so much to assume?!" My first boyfriend was a sociopath. I knew something was wrong within a month and kept my distance. He was too sweet, too clingy, too something I couldn't quite place. I ran away from that at the end of that month. I knew something was wrong. Your faces give it away. You can tell when someone is "testing" you or pretending they see those flaws and who someone truly is but you don't. You are incapable! It is impossible. "Empathetic" people overlook flaws because there are none there. A person is a complete and whole human being and each one is different. "Empathetic people" as you call us are normal and healthy. We don't need therapists or psychologists to tell us that because we instinctually know. Animals know when you're around. The way you know an animal wants to hurt you is the same way you know a sociopath wants to get at you. I fear impressionable young men and women reading this blog because it might make your aims more achievable if you paint this dainty picture for them before they're old enough to understand some people are just evil and vile from birth. You are.
ReplyDelete- AnonymousAugust 16, 2011 at 3:01 PM
In my case it seems like he "loves" in the moment. It's never what i did, always what iam about to do.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 4:29 PM
This reminds me of a quote from the British televisions show Jekyll. Everyone thinks Hyde is a monster but someone finally reveals that, "Hyde is love. And love is a sociopath."
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 24, 2011 at 5:18 AM
Umm, hi. I suspect that i'm a sociopath and that i was one since kindergarten. I'm still pretty young but even now i think i'm a bit wierd. I don't really feel embarrased at anything much but i feel guilty a lot. I even started to address everyone as 'humans'. Since i found out that 'sociopath' might fit my description, i've been researching it a lot and the results i've found sometimes fits my description. And it hurts a lot.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 26, 2011 at 8:17 PM
thankyou for all the comments.understanding things ,even things you dont want to hear makes it more possible to move on and away from a bad and abusive relationship with a sociopath.I have been caught up in this rubbish for a couple of years and have found it hard to comprehend how someone can treat you like that.now i know and now im off. goodbye bastard.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousAugust 26, 2011 at 8:23 PM
to the person who says it hurts a lot thinking that you are a sociopath - if it hurts you cant be. unless your lying of course.
ReplyDelete - ShaydenAugust 26, 2011 at 8:46 PM
I don't know for sure if I'm a sociopath. I just know something is wrong with me. I've looked up several different personality disorders, and most of them don't fit as well. Some of the things about sociopaths I've read, don't fit me, at all, but a few key things do.
I know for sure that I can't reciprocate love the way a normal person can. I find that what I consider to be love is actually dependency. I would be sad if someone I 'love' died because it would complicate my life. I don't actually understand any other reason I should be sad. Why do normal people feel sad if someone dies? Because they miss them? I can miss someone, but only because of my need for them.
I tried to conform to what society tells me want. A boyfriend, a future marriage, and children. But I don't want that.I get tired of people easily. To be tied to someone, trapped, like that? No thanks. Now I just want someone I can have fun with, preferably someone who likes me less than I like them, that way I don't have to be concerned with how I will rid myself of them when I'm through.
I do love someone, I think. But it's more of an illusion. He's quiet, we don't have a relationship, we aren't even friends. In my mind, he's exactly what I want, but I know that if I were to pursue something with him, it wouldn't last, because I would have realized that he's not who I want.
I don't exactly fit profile of a sociopath, because I am concerned with what I could do to someone.
And I don't have an exact label yet for what I am, but I know what I'm capable of. I can love.
Love intensely like nothing else in the world matters or could ever matter again.
And then it goes away and is replaced by hate and resentment because I am not getting what I want.
I don't act on this.
For this reason I have spent many sad and wasted years.
I am trying so hard to be who i want to be and not who i really am.
It's hard.
It's working though.
Now people think that I am a nice normal person who can be a bit of a dick some times rather that a monster who wants so badly to feel and love and be kind.i'm sorry to say that what you describe is not love - it is selfishness.
you describe someone who is using another for the feeling they get from them, not someone who is giving despite the outcome for themselves.
you wish to claim that your love is greater, grander, more all encompassing, than the love of other people. but the truth is that your "love" is only fueled by the desire to get what you want from that person.
true love would not seek to take a person over - to consume them. true love is not selfish, cruel or self serving.
what you describe is a situation in which you manipulate others for your own gain, and seek to use them up for your own self satisfaction.
that is not love, no matter how romantically you word it.
if you would like to truly love someone, then give them what they need, not what you want to give them in order to manipulate them. support them, and ask for nothing in return.
love is not power - there is no power in love, and no love in power.
either you are in love with them, or you want to have power over them. which is it?
others are not here for you to aggrandize yourself; your whole piece is about how marvelous you are. this is not about the other, it is only a love poem to yourself.- LaughingBladesAugust 29, 2011 at 4:19 PM
I for one am incapable of any feelings of love, I was born that way. However I can psychologically appreciate people and am capable of partnerships, I can understand the vested interests of relationships perfectly.
In past relationships I've always ended up being like poison to men, attempting to give them what they want only ended up "love bombing" them, so I've decided that romance isn't right for me. I have considered that maybe if I were to meet another self aware sociopath with similar interests and inclinations a healthy relationship could be formed, but not with normal men or "empaths" as this blog refers to them. - LaughingBladesAugust 29, 2011 at 4:28 PM
@alexes the love of "empaths" is one of the most selfish things I have ever witnessed. They are constantly needy, everything is about them in some way they are just blinded by their hormones to see it.
Most relationships end, people profess their undying love to eachother on a regular basis then go meet new people and completely forget eachother. Normal people lie, cheat, sabotage, and show ridiculous amounts of jealousy and insecurity. Constantly having to feed such vampires is probably what inclines some sociopaths to violence and such disgust at humanity, the hypocrisy of a normal persons love is almost sickening. Hey all,
Interesting reading...
I am a 35 yr old male - I was with a girl for 2 years that I now have come to realize was a sociopath / narcissist - It was the most horrific discovery of my life, one that cost me my sanity. 2 years of therapy and self discovery and I am back to being myself again and I guess you could say I have been vaccinated against these vampires - They say 1 to 4% of the population are sociopathic - well, its good to be able to recognise them, not that I have met lots, but 1 or 2 psychos over the last 18 month period.
But my ex sociopathic fiancee, well, she was good - she was real real good and by that I mean, she was an undercover sociopath type - the one that ticks away with their own agenda until they suddenly make an exit. Some common traits that some of you will identify with:
1) Frequent geographic location changes - she was the "travelling" type - now, a lot of people travel - but some are on the run - they mess up, then leave a hurricane disaster scene behind them and go where nobody knows them to start again.
2) In conversation she would mention, "why should I learn from my mistakes?" subtle, but true - No desire to evolve to become a better person and accept responsibility for mistakes and become a better person. Why they do this? 1) Fragile ego behind a Super Fake Ego that cannot accept they are imperfect as it threatens their existence? or 2) They know they are crazy and know they cannot change?
3) Love: I can identify with the "oxytocin" discussion on this board - Once we were over the honeymoon stage of our "love", she could not accept that our love had to mature into something deeper but not as exciting. So she lined up another suitor (this is a repeat pattern in her life - no long term relationships)
4) Misunderstanding communication - not only with me, but with everybody - I read somewhere that these type of people only understand words - not the context or emotion with which they are expressed - Its as if that part of their perception is stunted. So of course, more often than not, they misinterpret messages and that can be very problematic.
5) Lack of empathy: She could be very caring, but some things she could do would be so "wow" - off the wall stuff that you would never do to someone you truly loved.
6) Lies, deceit - Once she told me, in order to be a good liar you have to add in some truth about the subject you are talking about. She was an expert - Believable - by me, by friends, by family -
7) Sexuality: Highly sexual, but also I later discovered she was a prostitute - after the breakup - She worked during office hours guys so I can hear you say, how come you didnt know!? As I say, a very clever deceitful individual.
8) Hunter: OK, this is my own take - There is literature to suggest that these type of people prey on the vulnerable - I was at the time, but I didnt know it - The evidence suggest that these people can eye you up by the way you walk, talk, and body language - Just as the lion chooses the weakest gazelle in the pack when hunting, I believe (as evidence suggests) that these people do also. Im a normal guy - but below that she could see the way I stood which was not completely straight up with my head held high - Dont get me wrong, I wasnt like hunched over all the time - it was subtle, but she picked up on this.
Strange this is, the evidence is there at a beginning of a relationship - I mean red flags - subtle yes, but its there - Thing is, you have to be highly aware to find out - when you are in love, you are not necessarily "alert" all the time are you?
Summary? There is no summary - There is no back - there is only forward and bettering ourselves, our boundaries and knowing that everything happens for a reason.
I have nothing against sociopaths - In actual fact, the broken individual that I loved and on some level still do so, was very bright, funny and had a lot of positives - but the horror is the underlying behaviours that are just so destructive.- AnonymousSeptember 2, 2011 at 5:41 AM
"lol... oh man! I love reading the comments on here almost as much as the blogs. How some people seem to feel the need to post a whole blog of their own as their comment.How happy it must be to have so much knowledge of things, and the need to share this expert knowledge with such enthusiasm; for free... how noble we must be. :)"
Certainly more interesting, than your "poetry". - AnonymousSeptember 2, 2011 at 5:50 AM
For harping on about Empaths "delusions" and how sociopaths see cleary, sociopaths seem pretty delusiopnal themselves. - AnonymousSeptember 2, 2011 at 8:43 AM
"Giovanni said...
Am I the only one who feels hopeless in the face of overwhelming ignorance? Most Notably, Kronos and PostModernSociopath, the biggest idiots on this thread.
Empathy is an intelligence, not gullibility. You control others because you are WEAK. Control over others is weakness disguised as strength."
Yes, I view it as weak also. What they see as strengths is total weakness to me. - AnonymousSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:01 AM
I'd think that Love was selfless... but I also get my definition from the Bible, and you may not. So, yeah.
ReplyDelete This absolutely nailed exactly how I have experienced things. I recently had some girl troubles and it has been extremely hard dealing with it. I had an idea why i was having such a hard time but this really gave good insight that is going to help put my mind to rest, if only for a brief moment.
ReplyDeleteMost of the articles on the internet and the world about sociopathy and psychopathy were not written by socios/psychos. The very definition of this condition means that its nigh on impossible for a normal person to understand what its like to be one of us. Do i epathize and feel guilt. No. Does that mean that i'm a serial killer waiting to happen? No. Hell it doesn't even mean that i'm a lying cheating scumbag who is incapable of living normally. Typically the sociopaths and pyschos that are studied are criminals and those one tend to be the beings of lesser intelligence. It would be like studying a small group of gay men who liked to wear white hats. Then because all the articles and studies were about these men the community concluded that all gay men must either wear or want to wear a white hat. Ok the metaphor is laboured but you get the point. As a psycho in a stable, living relationship who doesn't commit petty crimes and get in trouble with the law i feel that my demographic is not only understudied but completely ignored. Its much easier to cultivate a "them against us" mentality. Because in truth most sociopaths are not as vile and violent and most people would believe. People find it easier to hate things they don't understand, that are different. It would be interesting if a socio or psychopath became wrote a psychiatric evaluation of themselves. I garuntee that it would be radically different from that of the current experts.
ReplyDelete- AnonymousSeptember 30, 2011 at 11:08 AM
First off, we all know that subjective emotional experiences are just that and different for each of us.
When we talk about a very deep caring for another person then of course the sociopath will never have that.
If you want to talk about a craven need, like an addict for a drug, a starving man for food or a neglected child for affection then yes, I imagine they have a whole lot of that.
For the sociopath "love" is just a word they use to protect themselves when they get caught fucking someone normals agree they shouldn't. - TheEternalOctober 1, 2011 at 4:08 AM
Don't talk about what sociopaths feel if you aren't one. I wouldn't trust a sociopath, but I won't pretend I know their emotional world, either. I might have an idea, since I have sociopathic tendencies, after all, but if the inner world of another person is that alien to your own, what business do you have trying to classify it? A person is more than just their actions, after all.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousOctober 1, 2011 at 10:04 PM
I have been looking around this forum for a few hours and I have never seen so much disgusting and putrid madness in one place.
Of course they cannot love. the need the original poster describes proves it. What he talks about has nothing to do with love and convinces me that some legal, medical measures need to be taken to separate these monsters from normal people. - AnonymousOctober 3, 2011 at 5:05 PM
I'm not a sociopath and I'm as 'rational' as this description. Whoever wrote this really thinks everyone is stupid and moisty-feely-touchy? THAT'S BULLSHIT. Sociopaths surely feel something, since the fucking definition of sociopath is to feel LESS, THAT AINT THE SAME AS NOTHING, goddammit. This article is so full of bullshit, it really annoyed the shit out of me.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousOctober 9, 2011 at 1:27 AM
Reading this reminds me a lot about myself. I feel that it is very hard for me to fall for a person. I simply just do not like people. I do however like to play games. I love flings with people. I love to make somebody feel special and once they like me enough I break them apart in a way where it looks like its their own fault and i am the innocent one. I do so by gathering information about the other person so I know what their weak parts are and what they like about a person. I get very satisfied by doing so to others. Now that I love. My good friend has called me up on having every behavior as a sociopath. I did research...and I mean the more i think about it, its very similar.....but then again its just me. I am just a person who has different interests and a different way of thinking. It however doesn't mean anything but the fact that I might be slightly meaner but have a great way of hiding it when I need to.
ReplyDelete - AnonymousOctober 11, 2011 at 9:30 PM
I think i might have dated a sociopath. He did very much seem like the man of my dreams. He seemed very much into me. We had great intimate experiences and had some nice conversations... Then after about 3 weeks of that things changed... First he said to me that i make myself too accessible, that i should play hard to get. Then he told me at he just wanted to be friends. But he would still invite me over his house to hang out all the time, or invite me on trips with him. And he gradually, started flipping out over things that wouldnt seem that big of a deal to me. He would point out "flaws" of mine. Sometimes stupid things like i took too long to brush my teeth or eat a sandwhich" but he would actually get annoyed over this stuff that to me was so trivial. He would yell and get very frustrated, but never violent, sometimes calling me an idiot, mostly for my vulnerabilities. He also told me that he is not easy going and gets very frustrated and that i annoy and frustrate. him, but that there wasnt any real reason for it, i just did. "thats why they call them annoyances" he would say. But right when i would be over it and be ready to be done with him, he would apologize, and say "he doesnt want me to go away". He told me about him having trouble keeping friends because of how he is. Though most people that know him think hes a terrific guy, only they all have only known him for a short time. Ive never met one of his friends that had been friends with him for many years, im assuming because he burned the relationship at some point by not treating them very well. When i would try to express how i was feeling toward him in my frustration with how he was treating me he would say things like, "ive heard that before" but no real acknowledgement of my pain. He only ever apologized if he thought i would leave. But he seemed to have an understanding of how he was, and how it affected people. When we firt started dating during those "perfect" 3 weeks he said to me that if he ever treated me badly to promise him that i woukd tell him off or leave him. Eventually i did both, but i guess my mistake in "telling him off" was that i focused on how he hurt me, which didnt resonate with him at all. He said "too bad, life sucks, learn a lesson" and to f*ck off. he also said that it caused him to have less respect for me because i didnt respect for myself. As an empath myself i realize i did let myself be manipulated quite a bit, but also as an empath, i was magnetically drawn to his visible frustrations. I wanted to help him, and thats why i stuck around. Even during the demise of our friendship i thought i could see glimpses of real connection, not deep emotional connection, but just enjoying each others company. I did really care for him, and part of me still does. For a while i wished i never met him, but now after ive thought through it more, im glad i did, i learned things about myself i otherwise wouldnt have. Theres kind of a bittersweetness to the memory. Part of me wonders if he did really care about me but the way i was trying to communicate with him (emotionally) actually did intensely frustrate him. If i had known he was a sociopath, if he even is, i would have changed my approach. I can think pretty logically at times but i can also be naive and blind to deception. Ive since heard from a "friend" of his that others have had similar experiences with him. We had a hurricane and i texted him asking if he was ok because he was at a shore point being evacuated, he thanked me for my concern and we talked a little about the storm...our exchange seemed agreeable. But then 2 weeks after that i texted him and he said to please stop texting him. I havent contacted him since but man he was quite a confusing person to read. I just did not understand what he was or wasnt feeling.