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"Me and Mrs. Jones" | |
Single by Billy Paul | |
from the album 360 Degrees of Billy Paul | |
Released | 1972 |
Format | 7" 45 RPM |
Genre | R&B, Philly soul |
Length | 4:42 |
Label | Philadelphia International |
Writer(s) | Kenny Gamble, Leon Huff and Cary Gilbert |
Producer | Kenny Gamble Leon Huff |
"Me and Mrs. Jones" | |
Single by Billy Paul | |
from the album 360 Degrees of Billy Paul | |
Released | 1972 |
Format | 7" 45 RPM |
Genre | R&B, Philly soul |
Length | 4:42 |
Label | Philadelphia International |
Writer(s) | Kenny Gamble, Leon Huff and Cary Gilbert |
Producer | Kenny Gamble Leon Huff |
"Me and Mrs. Jones" is a soul song written by Kenny Gamble, Leon Huff and Cary Gilbert. It describes an extramarital affair between a man and his lover, Mrs. Jones. The song was originally recorded by Billy Paul. It has been covered by Michael Bublé, among others.
Contents |
"Me and Mrs. Jones" was a number-one single originally performed by Billy Paul, recorded and released in 1972 on CBS Records' Philadelphia International imprint. The single, included on the album 360 Degrees of Billy Paul, was written by Cary 'Hippy' Gilbert, Kenny Gamble, and Leon Huff. It describes an extramarital affair between a man and his lover, Mrs. Jones.
The single became Paul's only number-one single on the Billboard Hot 100, peaking at that position for three weeks in December 1972. "Me and Mrs. Jones" also achieved this feat on Billboard's R&B Singles chart, remaining at the number-one position for four weeks.[1] It replaced "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy and was replaced by Carly Simon's "You're So Vain".
"Me and Mrs. Jones" | ||||
Single by Michael Bublé featuring Emily Blunt | ||||
from the album Call Me Irresponsible | ||||
Released | September 3, 2007 | |||
Format | CD single, Digital download | |||
Recorded | 2007 | |||
Genre | Big Band | |||
Length | 4:33 (Album Version) | |||
Label | 143, Reprise | |||
Michael Bublé featuring Emily Blunt singles chronology | ||||
"Me and Mrs. Jones" was later covered by Canadian crooner Michael Bublé, and released as the second single from his third major-label studio album, Call Me Irresponsible. The song is a collaboration with Bublé's then-girlfriend, Emily Blunt, who appears at the end of the track to perform the final verse.
Michael's version of "Me and Mrs. Jones" was well received by critics, with Okayplayer stating, "He skillfully portrays the pain of this song's affair and his take on the final verse could stand with anyone else's." Additionally, the single was promoted by its performance during Michael's AOL Sessions performances.[2] The track has also been performed at many of his concerts. Due to Michael's split with girlfriend Emily shortly before the single's was due for release, the release was cancelled, the physical single pulled, and little to no promotion for the song was undertaken. Thus, "Me and Mrs. Jones" was not eligible to chart in any major music charts, however, it did chart in Switzerland due to strong downloads from the album.[3]
A short promotional music video was first broadcast on French television channels during April 2007. The clip alternates between scenes of Bublé performing by the window, in the dark, as it rains, used in the official music video, and scenes of a blonde woman during a day at the beach, horseback riding and watching the sunset as the clip ends.[4] The official music video was first broadcast during July 2007. It consists mainly of the scenes Bublé standing performing by the window, as seen in the French promotional clip. Some scenes show a brunette woman, representing "Mrs. Jones". Some shots from the promotional video of "Lost" were also used, particularly the ones where Michael is sitting on a white bed. The video was directed by Sean Turrell.[5]
Chart | Peak position |
Swiss Music Charts | 68 |
A cover of the song was also a hit for the 1970s group The Dramatics. Their version peaked at number 47 on the pop charts and number 4 on the R&B charts in 1974.[6]
It has also been covered by Andy Abraham, George Huff, Head, Sarah Jane Morris, Johnny Mathis, Hall & Oates, the experimental rock band Sun City Girls, Amii Stewart, the soul band Tower of Power, François Pérusse (a parody version called "Guy A Un Bicycle Jaune"), and Stevie Wonder.
The song was comically inverted by Sandra Bernhard into a lesbian scenario on her 1987 live album and subsequent film Without You I'm Nothing.
This song was recorded by Freddie Jackson in 1992. Coolio recorded a version on his album Gangsta's Paradise, entitled "A Thing Goin' On".
It was used as a sample on Mary J. Blige's "Mr. Wrong" in 2011.
Bobby Brown sampled the song in his first number 1 solo hit, "Girlfriend", in 1986.
Cross platform supergroup Tower Of Power also released a cover version on their Great American Soulbook album in 2009.
Patrick Stump has played this song on a few nights of his tour during a piano solo.
On an episode of A Different World, an Italian waiter sings a terrible version of the song while serenading Walter and Jaleesa on their date.
This article uses bare URLs for citations. (January 2012) |
Preceded by "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy | Billboard Hot 100 number-one single December 16, 1972 (three weeks) | Succeeded by "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon |
Preceded by "You Ought to Be With Me" by Al Green | Billboard's Best Selling Soul Singles number-one single December 9, 1972 (four weeks) | Succeeded by "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder |


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Finland was one of the first countries to decrease its population's dietary sodium. Mass-media campaigns, working with the food industry, and labeling legislation has lead to reduced sodium levels in processed foods. Since the 1970s, food that's high in salt must carry this warning. In 2003, the UK began a population-based approach to reducing salt. Working with industry, the UK government's campaign reduced sodium in key foods and successfully reduced the population's average intake by from 9.5g to 8.6g salt (3440mg sodium) in 2008; lower targets are set for 2012. In 2008, the European Union established a framework on salt reduction to ensure a common, population level strategy across Europe. The targets –a reduction of at least 16% against 2008 national baseline levels over four years- is applicable to all food products as well as to food consumed in restaurants and catering facilities.The New York City Health Department is coordinating the National Salt Reduction Initiative, which has set two and four year targets for sodium reduction in 62 categories of packaged food and 25 categories of restaurant food.
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Here's your chance to win copies of Infinite Betrayal and Infinite Surrender as well as a Coach E-Reader cover!
Drop by Literal Addiction and read our Author Ambush as well as enter our contest!! If you are new to us, drop by and comment for a chance to win the books for either Kindle or Nook! And if you have read our stories, please pop over to Amazon or Barnes and Noble and put a review in. Once done, come back and comment on the site for a chance to win a Coach E-Reader cover for either your Kindle or Nook!
5 Responses to "Contest and Author Ambush with Literal Addiction and Book Monster"
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Hand Sanitizers
Flexible & Effective
Alcohol sanitizers are proven boosters to hand washing effectiveness in the foodservice arena. Not dependent on residual chemicals to kill pathogens, alcohol sanitizers do not carry the risk of possible food contamination and do not build microbial resistance.
Well formulated alcohol sanitizers have controlled-release systems which help spread the alcohol, hold it in place and then release the volatile elements once they have freed the hands of pathogens. Emollients take over as a final action to retain moisture at healthy levels.
USING SANTIZER. About 80% of common infections are spread directly by the hands, but there are times when hands are not visibly soiled or it just isn't convenient or possible to wash your hands with soap and water. Hand sanitizers are quick, convenient, gentle, and most important, highly effective against most common germs that may cause disease.
REMOTE SITE LOCATION? Try the Sani-Twice procedure. If you are faced with the situation where good hand washing facilities are not available use this Sani-Twice sanitizing routine:
Apply a generous portion of alcohol sanitizer, rubbing vigorously as in a Core Handwash. Wipe aggressively with paper towel before alcohol evaporates;
Repeat application but this time let air dry according to label directions.
While we share the FDA's preference for hand washing with soap and water the Handwashing For Life Institute views SaniTwice as a better alternative than a "non-handwash". This procedure can provide a 2 log reduction in microbe count and significantly reduce the risk of contamination.
In establishing your Hands-on process, map the food flow and indicate Sanitizer Intervention Points. This will help locate the dispensers for maximum food worker convenience. Remember to consider server station locations, often a point for incidental food contact. Even your customers will appreciate access to a Hand Sanitizer dispenser both for personal use and as a visual cue of customer care. Visit: Hands-On
The Alcohol Sanitizer Selection Checklist:
Supplier credibility: documented product efficacy.
Features: wetting & controlled evaporation system (a good hand sanitizing procedure should last 15-20 seconds before the product evaporates).
User appeal: spread, coverage and feel on hands
After effects: hand moisture maintainers, smooth hands
Dispenser system: counter in unit, reliable, fast/easy refilling
Airless/sealed bag packaging, maintains active ingredient and chemical balance
Food safe formulation
Leadership Companies
If you have a leadership product or service in this category, please contact us for details on gaining Handwashing For Life Institute endorsement: Contact Larry Jackson


text: About Us Hours Mon: 08:00 AM - 07:00 PM Tues: 08:00 AM - 07:00 PM Wed: 08:00 AM - 07:00 PM Thur: 08:00 AM - 07:00 PM Fri: 08:00 AM - 07:00 PM Sat: 09:00 AM - 06:00 PM Sun: Closed Contact Us 806-553-6637 Address 4630 S. Soncy Amarillo,TX 79120 Welcome to Street Select! Street Select is located at 4630 S. Soncy in Amarillo, Texas and offers a variety of exotic and luxury vehicles. Whether it is horsepower or luxury you are looking for, Street Select wants to help provide you with either one or both! Our professional staff in our Sales Department, Finance Department and Service Department want to make both your purchasing and ownership process as stress-free and enjoyable as possible. No matter if you are looking for the speed and performance of a Ferrari or Porsche or the luxury and presence of a Bentley or Aston Martin, Street Select is here to provide you with it all and much more. Street Select welcomes those from the local Amarillo and Panhandle area as well as anywhere else in the United States to come see our inventory of exotic and luxury vehicles. If you are not from the local area and interested in an exotic or luxury vehicle from Street Select, we can help you arrange to come see the vehicle in person, have it inspected and appraised by a local vendor as well as help you secure transport of your vehicle to your home or office. We offer a great selection, competitive prices and financing as well as maintenance and service. At Street Select, we are not just here to sell you a vehicle, we want to make you a part of the Street Select family and join you in your ownership experience. Thank you for choosing Street Select!


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Introducing The Zenith El Primero Stratos Flyback Rainbow, A 90s Cult Classic Revisited
When Zenith wants to, it can really do a re-edition right. Originally built in 1997, the El Primero "Rainbow" was made to specs set forth by the French Air Force. They had requested a chronograph capable of withstanding forces of up to nine to eleven G's, wide variations in pressure and temperature, and a dial that was extremely easy to read. The result was this:


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Think Irish cooking is all cabbage and potatoes? Think again. Like many traditions in Ireland, there is a rich history behind the cuisine. We've compiled a glossary of traditional Irish foods that explains what's behind (and in!) all those well-known Emerald Isle dishes. Grab a pint of Guinness and get ready to toast to the wonders of Celtic cookery. Salainte!
Bangers and Mash
The king of comfort foods, bangers and mash consists of sausage (traditionally made from pork in Ireland), mashed potatoes and gravy. The combo is also popular in England, and many scholars say the name "bangers" originated around World War II, referring to the way high water-content sausages would explode when fried.
One of Ireland's most traditional foods, Boxty is a fried potato pancake that can be traced deep into the culture's gastronomical history. Modern boxty is often flavored with garlic and a variety of spices.
Corned Beef and Cabbage
Corned beef and cabbage, probably the best known "Irish" meal in the United States and the traditional St. Paddy's Day fare for many Americans, has actually never been very popular in Ireland. This is most likely because cattle were coveted and beef was an expensive delicacy until recently. Although many Irish-Americans do serve the dish, you're more likely to see fried or boiled bacon with a side of cabbage on tables in the Emerald Isle.
Dublin Lawyer
Often served for special occasions like St. Patrick's Day, Dublin Lawyer is a rich dish consisting of lobster served in a heavy, whiskey-infused sauce. No one knows where the name really came from, but we're sure you can make a few creative guesses.
Irish Stew
You can find this famous dish, which mixes lamb, beef or mutton with veggies and broth, at restaurants all over the world. Along with coddle—another hardy soup that includes boiled pork, potatoes and onions—Irish stew is often made with a little Guinness. It's traditionally served over mashed potatoes.
Other popular dishes include:
Crubeens are salted pigs feet—known as trotters—that are cooked (often fried) and usually eaten with the fingers. Mmm. Sometimes they are served with a side of cabbage.
Drisheen is cooked inside an animal intestine casing, like sausage, but it's basically a blood pudding (yep, it's made from cow, pig or sheep blood) that includes a mixture of milk, salt, fat, breadcrumbs and herbs.
If you have a sweet tooth on St. Paddy's Day, you can cook up this simple, pudding-like dessert of boiled bread, milk, sugar and spices.


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The team is proud to present a release with more than 450 bug fixes and features.
Xtend is a great choice for Android application development because it compiles to Java source code and doesn't require a fat runtime library. With version 2.4 the Android support has been further improved.
Debugging Android applications works now. Previously Xtend supported debugging through JSR-45 only, which is not supported by the Dalvik VM. Now you can configure the compiler to install the debug information in a Dalvik-compatible manner.
There is also a Maven archetype to set up a working Android project easily. If you have installed Maven and the Android SDK you only need the following command to get started:
mvn archetype:generate -DarchetypeGroupId=org.eclipse.xtend \ -DarchetypeArtifactId=xtend-android-archetype \ -DarchetypeCatalog=http://repo.maven.apache.org/maven2
The following new features have been added to the Xtend language.
In 2.4.2 we have introduced new (more Java-like) ways to access nested classes and static members. Also type literals can be written by just using the class name.
Here is an example for a static access of the generated methods in Android's ubiquitous R class:
R.id.edit_message // previously it was (still supported) : R$id::edit_message
Type literals can now be written even shorter. Let's say you want to filter a list by type:
myList.filter(MyType) // where previously you had to write (still supported) : myList.filter(typeof(MyType)
If you use the Java syntax (e.g. MyType.class), you'll get an error marker pointing you to the right syntax.
Active Annotations let developers particpate in the translation process from Xtend code to Java source code. The developer declares an annotation and a call back for the compiler where the generated Java code can be customized arbitrarily. This doesn't break static typing or the IDE! Any changes made in an active annotation are completely reflected by the environment. A simple example would be a JavaBeans property supporting the Observer pattern. Here you need a getter and a setter method for each field and also an observer list and the proper code to notify them about changes. In many software systems you have hundreds of these properties. Active Annotation allow you to define and automate the implementation of such patterns and idioms at a single point and let the compiler expand it on the fly. And all this based on lightweight, custom libraries. You do no longer have to write nor read the boiler plate code anymore. Read more...
Xtend now has literals for unmodifiable collections.
val listOfWords = #["Hello", "Xtend"] val setOfWords = #{"Hello", "Xtend"} val mapOfWords = #{1->"Hello", 2->"Xtend"}
Collections created with a literal are immutable. The list literal can be used to natively create arrays, too. If the target type is an array, it will compile to an array initializer.
val String[] arrayOfWords = #["Hello", "Xtend"]
In addition to literals for arrays you can now also easily access and modify arrays as well as create empty arrays of any size.
val String[] arrayOfWords = newArrayOfSize(2) arrayOfWords.set(0, 'Hello') arrayOfWords.set(1, 'Xtend')
Interfaces, enumerations and annotation types can now be declared directly in Xtend.
interface Container{ def T findChild((T)=>boolean matcher) } enum Color { RED, GREEN, BLUE } @Retention(RetentionPolicy::RUNTIME) @Target(ElementType::TYPE) annotation DependsOn { Class<? extends Target> value val version = "2.4.0" // type 'String' inferred }
Extension methods allow to add new methods to existing types without modifying them.
Consider the omnipresent class java.lang.String
If you have to parse a string to a number, you could always write
but what you actually think of is
To make that possible, you simply import the class Integer
as a static extension:
import static extension java.lang.Integer.*
This enables to pass the base of the number as an argument, too:
'2A'.parseInt(16)Extension methods are available in other language such as C# as well, but Xtend can do better. The new Extensions Providers render a former limitiation obsolete: In Xtend 2.4, fields, parameters and local variables can provide extensions, too. Read more...
Lambda expressions now work with interfaces and classes with a single abstract method
(SAM types). For example, the AbstractIterator
from the Guava library has a single abstract method
. A lambda can be used to implement that:
val AbstractIterator<Double> infiniteRandomNumbers = [| Math::random]
Some new operators have been added. In addition to the usual ==
and !=
operators which map to Object.equals(Object)
, the operators ===
respectively can be used to test for identity equality.
if (myObject === otherObject) { println("same objects") }
Also new exclusive range operators have been introduced. In order to iterate over a list and work with the index you can write:
for (idx : 0 ..< list.size) { println("("+idx+") "+list.get(idx)) }
Or if you want to iterate backwards :
for (idx : list.size >.. 0) { println("("+idx+") "+list.get(idx)) }
Being an Eclipse project Xtend has always been designed with IDE integration in mind. The team is proud to announce that the editing support is now almost on par with Java's and in some aspects already even better. A user recently wrote in the newsgroup:
Tooling for Xtend is unlike any other language for the JVM after Java. The IDE support is first class. It will take years for some languages to catch up. Some never will.
The following new IDE features improve the editing experience significantly:
With the new release we have overhauled the Organize imports action. It processes all kinds of imports, asks to resolve conflicts, and shortens qualified names automatically.
New refactorings have been added. You can now extract code into a new local variable
or into a new method.
Follow-up error markers are now suppressed and errors in general are much more local, so it is very easy to spot the problem immediately.
The severity of optional compiler errors can be configured globally as well as individually for a single project. They can either be set explicitly or delegate to the equivalent setting of the Java compiler.
Xtend now offers to create missing fields, methods, and types through quick fix proposals.
The content assist has become much smarter. It now proposes lambda brackets if the method accepts a single function and it offers hints on the parameter types when you are working with overloaded methods.
A configurable formatter which pretty prints and indents code idiomatically is now available.
An Xtend editor now has validation and content assist within JavaDoc comments.
You can use Copy Qualified Name in the editor and the outline view to copy the name of types, fields and methods into the clipboard.


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2011 is 20th year of Food City Sponsorship at BMS, second longest in NASCAR
BRISTOL, Tenn. (Tuesday, Feb. 15, 2010) - Food City and Bristol Motor Speedway officials today announced an agreement to continue their 20-year partnership into a third decade, extending for three more years the second-longest race sponsorship in NASCAR racing.
"Throughout the last 20 years, Steve Smith and his associates at Food City have been by our side as sponsors, partners and friends," said Jerry Caldwell, Vice President and General Manager of Bristol Motor Speedway. "This relationship has been a benefit to Bristol Motor Speedway and to Food City and to continue this relationship made perfect sense."
Sponsor of both the Food City 500 NASCAR Sprint Cup race in March and the Food City 250 Nationwide event in August, 2011 will mark the 20th year the supermarket chain has served as the entitlement sponsor of these events. Only one other track in NASCAR has a longer such partnership.
"The growth of our company and that of Bristol Motor Speedway have coincided nicely and we believe this partnership is one reason," said Steven C. Smith, Food City President and CEO. "Many of our loyal customers are race fans and we're very excited to have the opportunity to continue to support the sport and our region through this successful partnership with our friends at Bristol Motor Speedway."
Some of the biggest names in racing history have hoisted the Food City 500 trophy since 1992, including three-time winner Rusty Wallace, who was on hand for the announcement.
Food City's involvement at Bristol Motor Speedway goes beyond just race sponsorship. Food City Race Night on BMS property in March and on State Street in downtown Bristol in August are huge events that attract tens of thousands of race fans annually.
"They activate their partnership year-round with events and in-store promotions, sweepstakes and the list goes on," said Caldwell. "It was important for us to keep that going."
Bristol Motor Speedway kicks off its 50th NASCAR season with Ford Fan Friday qualifying March 18, followed by the Scotts EZ Seed 300 March 19 and the Jeff Byrd 500, Presented by Food City March 20. In August, night racing returns with the Aug. 24 O'Reilly Auto Parts 200 and UNOH Perfect Storm 150 doubleheader, followed by the Food City 250 Aug. 26 and the IRWIN Tools Night Race Aug. 27.
Tickets are available to all events and may be purchased by calling the BMS ticket office toll free at 1-866-415-4158, 423-BRISTOL (274-7865) or 423-989-6900 or by visiting www.bristoltix.com.
Speedway Motorsports is a leading marketer and promoter of motorsports entertainment in the United States. The Company, through its subsidiaries, owns and operates the following premier facilities: Atlanta Motor Speedway, Bristol Motor Speedway, Charlotte Motor Speedway, Infineon Raceway, KentuckySpeedway, Las Vegas Motor Speedway, New Hampshire Motor Speedway and Texas Motor Speedway. The Company provides souvenir merchandising services through its SMI Properties subsidiaries; manufactures and distributes smaller-scale, modified racing cars and parts through its U.S. Legend Cars International subsidiary; and produces and broadcasts syndicated motorsports programming to radio stations nationwide through its Performance Racing Network subsidiary. The Company also equally-owns Motorsports Authentics, a joint venture formed with International Speedway Corporation to produce, market and sell licensed motorsports merchandise. For more information, visit the Company's website at www.speedwaymotorsports.com.
Headquartered in Abingdon, Virginia, K-VA-T Food Stores, Inc. (Food City's parent company) operates 106 retail food outlets throughout the tri-state regions of Southeast Kentucky, Southwest Virginia and Northeast Tennessee.


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Product Review - Skyline Furniture - Loveseat
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Derek Moore
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Walt's Best, no, WORST TV Moms, ever
by Walt Gray
posted May 8 2013 9:30AM
Kate Gosselin; "Jon and Kate Plus 8
". I have to admit, i think she's hot until she starts talking. She has a one-track mind...it's all about her. What are these kids going to end up being like with cameras following them around is all they know? Kate complains all the time. It's grating...but we watch.
Betty Draper; "Mad Men
". She takes her cue from Joan Crawford. She may be the worst Mom ever. Threatening to cut off her daughter's finger? Throwing her son in the closet after he was caught smoking? (she chain smokes).
Wilma Flintstone
Jane Jetson
(tie). Wilma was always leaving Pebbles and Bam Bam alone in the rock house. Dino was the babysitter! Jane Jetson had a robot for a maid! She wasn't in the show much...my suspicion is that she was trying to pleasure Mr. Spacely to give George a raise!
Peg Bundy; "Married...with Children"
She didn't cook or clean and was a bad wife and didn't care. She had no ambition and no job. She raised two brats by her fine example. She was created to be one of the worst TV Moms ever, and was.
Mrs. Estelle Costanza; "Seinfeld"
. My God, she was awful...she just badgered her son George to death. She delivered one of the best lines I've ever heard when she caught George "pleasuring" himself. She told her husband that George "was treating his body like an amusement park!" Awesome.
Those are my top five worst TV Moms of all time. Yours?
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To have that meddling day after day and right across the street! Oh my gosh! At least she was funny!
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Police Looking For Two Suspects For Vandalizing Properties With Graffiti
Carson City authorities are looking for two suspects responsible for vandalizing more than 40 properties with graffiti.
Suspects Fleeing From Police Crash Into Las Vegas Home
One man is arrested and officers are looking for three more suspects after a vehicle fleeing police crashed into a North Las Vegas home.
Intruder Shot To Death In Home Invasion
Las Vegas police continue to investigate a suspected home invasion that has left one man dead.
The Latest On The Armored Truck Robbery
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Blessed John Eustace
Canon regular at Mons, Belgium. Benedictine Cistercian monk. First abbot at Jardinet Abbey in the diocese of Namur, Belgium. Dispatched by the Order to restore discipline to several houses in the region.
- 1481 of natural causes
MLA Citation
- "Blessed John Eustace". Saints.SQPN.com. 15 September 2014. Web. 7 March 2015. <>


text:
W/o starting WWIII
How does one diplomatically bring up the touchy subject of "We need to discuss things before you make a decision that affects the entire household" to ones spouse or SO?
I am feeling like Poppinggrays with the kitten issue. Last month I had the same situation w/Adult SD bringing home a dog. I found out about it after work one evening as I walked through the door only to have some strange dog bark at me. DH told her she could have it, but he didn't consult me. I was irritated, but didn't say anything because he would have become defensive no matter how nicely I put it. I also know that he would have dug in more stubbornly and defended the right of DD to keep said dog. If he had told her it needed to go, then I would be the wicked SM. It was a no win situation for me. As an aside, he was furious when his other DD brought home several pets w/out asking him first.
Part two: I came home from work on Friday and I was informed that we will watch his other DD's (lives elsewhere w/SO) dog during July while she and SO are on vacation. My fault for not saying anything again, but if I had been asked it would have been fine w/me to babysit this dog.
The problem isn't the SK's or the animals, it's DH. When I moved in w/him, we weren't married, it was his home and one kid was still a minor and I felt that his relationship w/DD's was primary and those were boundaries that I needed to respect and understand.
We are now married and these kids are adults, so the dynamics are now different IMO - they are no longer the same family unit of dad and kids. The SK'd have their own separate adult lives and relationships (I'm guessing the eldest will get married in the not too distant future - now her primary relationship). They will never be our peers or that of any other family elder, but they are no longer young children. I don't think DH totally realizes these naturally evolving changes in his family. I don't expect him to ever disregard the needs of his DD's, but because they have their own lives, I feel that it is time our marriage becomes the primary relationship and it gets treated accordingly.
How does one express this w/out starting WWIII?
"We are now married and these kids are adults, so the dynamics are now different IMO - they are no longer the same family unit of dad and kids. The SK'd have their own separate adult lives and relationships (I'm guessing the eldest will get married in the not too distant future - now her primary relationship). They will never be our peers or that of any other family elder, but they are no longer young children. I don't think DH totally realizes these naturally evolving changes in his family. I don't expect him to ever disregard the needs of his DD's, but because they have their own lives, I feel that it is time our marriage becomes the primary relationship and it gets treated accordingly."
Tell him that.
Gerina - Your position is very reasonable, and your wishes are very understandable. And the way you've expressed the evolution of this pattern makes perfect sense. But you're right that it's time for this bad habit to change.
If you can express yourself calmly and reasonably, why are you afraid of starting WWIII?
I don't think discussing primary v. secondary is the best route. I think OP should say to DH, remember how you felt when DD brought pets in the house without asking -- well that is how I feel when it happens. Lets try to work this out. I agree -- any pets in the household should rquire advance permision of everyone in house. Your children are always your children.
There are a couple of reasons why I tread lightly on this subject. The first is that I tried to bring it up a few months back and he became defensive before I could even finish what I needed to say. The response I got to my "partial statement of issue" was that I got to rearrange the kitchen (which made it more functional since I do the cooking) the way I wanted. I think we all know it isn't the same thing, but to him it is. In earnest, he truly believes that he is giving me a say and my request for a change is seen as a complaint that he is doing something wrong. He gets defensive at some of the strangest things - things that would go unnoticed by most (he has admitted to this before).
The second reason is that I don't want to bring it up and have it attached to a specific event, such as you allowed the dog, you agreed to babysit the other dog, you almost let DD invite her BF's family to Easter dinner the evening before w/out asking me. I just don't think it's a good idea to that, but I don't know how to start the dialog w/out giving past examples. Honestly, I don't think hinting about it or coming up w/a hypothetical situation would help him make the connection. He's not dumb, but he's just not thinking like a woman thinks.
I have a hard time understanding questions/problems like this and hardly see it as the difference between gender frames of thought. You live your life by your husband's permission/approval, never consulted and always disrespected. You are afraid to say anything because then you allow him to brow beat you into submission and silence. So what approach would you like people to manufacture for you?
I can not put myself in those shoes somehow...I would be at just a much a loss as to how to handle it. Because how do you open the lines of communication with someone who won't listen?
Marriage counseling is all I can come up with. Someone to help you facilitate openness and talking.
I just can't imagine not being able to talk to my dh about event he simplest things, for fear that he would shut me down before I even finished a sentence or thought.
He may not have started out that way, or maybe he has always been that way. Maybe he feels like he needs to defend his children, I don't know. But since you are married and not just a g/f then you should be able to have a conversation about it because you are supposed to be partners.
Thick-headed husbands are right up my alley!! If he won't listen, then show him what it feels like to be in your position. Start making a few decisions without consulting him. YOU are giving him all the power in your relationship. A bully will continue to bully until you stand up to them.
IMHO people are people and not all of them act the way we want them to. This is more so when we meet as adults because past behavior is intrenched. In this instance I suggest that you focus your critique on the lack of dialogue on the decision making process. Keep all the other people out of the argument. It should not matter if the animal comes from the ex or his boss, he should discuss it with you before accepting to duty.
I do agree with your position. These are important decisions and they should be agreed upon together. But, he might be an inherently controlling person from childhood forward. Many other cultures assign males such leadership command and assign woman subordination. He maybe acting as he was raised and he may not readily accept your contentions. But approach the issue without the external ex-family dynamics involved. That will only murk up the discussion with emotions from you and him.
Okay guys. I don't consider myself to be brow beat nor bullied. DH is a good guy and does his best to make both his kids and me happy. A precedent was established a long time ago when it came to decision making regarding his kids. I was not BM nor wife and IMO really had no say. And, as most of us know, other people do not appreciate outsiders making decisions or even suggestion about how one should raise their kids - and this applies to more than just step families.
I can do whatever I want regarding the house - rearranging furniture, painting different colors, digging up the yard, whatever, inviting people over for a dinner...I never do these things w/out first saying, for example, "I was thinking about having a big summer BBQ on this date - you up to it?" He sees that I lave the latitude to do whatever I want, and that by giving my two cents about things that concern his kids, like whether or not they bring home a pet, I am overstepping my bounds and inserting myself into his relationship with them. He sees these as two separate issues, but I no longer do because they are adults and it is now our house.
So, when I tried to address things, instead of hearing what I said, he heard me to say, "I don't get to make any decision about what goes on in the house." - didn't say it, but that's how it was taken. That made him defensive and I suppose feel unappreciated. This is also why I do not want to cite specific examples because it makes the other person feel criticized. Also, it is useless trying to have a conversation with someone when they feel they need to defend themselves - they don't listen.
I was only hoping someone had a good suggestion of how to bring this up this subject out of the blue w/out ruffling feathers. g
I see where you're coming from and you certainly have a point... But in all reality it's probably not going to be the most convincing way to get your point across or initiate change by making the fact that you are now "official" (as in married) the main point. No offense, but that doesn't make a big difference in everyone's eyes and isn't the be-all-end-all to everyone... ESPECIALLY the grown SK's in a situation like that. Not that you're going to be addressing your concerns with them, but to the extent that your husband is their father his reaction might be very similar. Yes, the obligations a parent has toward their children CHANGE somewhat, and I agree with you that as a person sharing his house with him you absolutely should have AN EQUAL SAY (not necessarily veto power but AN EQUAL SAY) in decisions made about the house that effect everyone living in it. But just because you are now married and the SK's are over a certain age doesn't change the fundamental relationship of parent and offspring. It doesn't automatically give you MORE SAY, which would be wierd anyway b/c now that they are adults, it also stands to reason that you should have LESS SAY over them in particular. Not about what happens in your house, but in terms of any personal authority YOU might have over them. I think you automatically understand that and are mainly concerned about being clued in on what happens in your house ---which is totally understandable--- but you can see how pulling the "I'm the wife now" card isn't likely to get you anywhere with adult SK's or their father. So you need another tack...
I suggest putting it to your husband in the most brass-tacks, "fair's fair" way you can and try to reframe the situation hypothetically for him as though you're room-mates. The goal is for him to "get" the rules of fair play for anyone living together, married or unmarried, parent or child or spouse or in-law or whatever. The point is really about mutual consideration, SK's or no SK's. If you think about it more like "room-mates" it will make the situation more clear-cut and less emotionally-charged for all. Anytime more than one person lives in the same space, there is a certain amount of mutual consideration that must happen for things to stay harmonious. That goes both ways, though, so it would include not only your being consulted about things like a new dog in the house but also your consideration of the duties, attachments and extenuating circumstances that come with your DH being a father. As long as both of you are showing full consideration for each other's needs and circumstances, that is what matters and things will stay peaceful. It seems the conflict may be that he doesn't bring things regarding his daughters up for your approval because he's afraid you'll say no and then where would that leave him if it's something he really wants to do? A common enough dilemma... But if you can convince him that you will have the consideration of HIS needs as a father and not veto everything left and right, then he should feel the trust in you and see the need to be more respectful of YOUR needs.
I would say this: "Listen, we've got to talk about some rules for fair play. We share a house that we both contribute to. I have my needs and circumstances, and you have yours. We should try to be as respectful of those for each other as possible, and where there's disagreement we should discuss a compromise together. When you think about it, if we were room-mates and I brought a new dog in here all of a sudden without having mentioned it to you, you'd be irritated. Just be honest. All I'm suggesting is that at a minimum we show each other the same consideration as any two room-mates would. I know you're a father and will always want to make this home as nice and welcoming as possible for your children, and I love you for that. I want to do what I can to nourish that. But in return I think it's only fair that if it's a decision that is going to affect me, at the very least I am told about it with some advance notice and given a chance to express any feelings about it that I may have. I'm not going to "veto" you, that is not my right because we are equal partners with equal rights. But If I don't like it, I want the chance to express why and to work together with you on a fair solution. If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you? We can do this, and it can be cooperative and nice, and I know we can both fulfill our needs and obligations if we talk about it in a mutually considerate spirit."
could be famous guilt parenting that some men do.
no matter how you try to reason with them, they will do what they do. today you babysit dogs, tomorrow something else. I deal with it with my SO. he recently commented, aftre we visited his cousin, how annoying it is when people talk about their adult kids 24/7 and arrange their whole life around what adult kids want. i almost fell of the chair.LOL talking about annoying, that's all he does, talking about older DD 24/7! and does what she tells him to do. LOL
Sometimes things have a funny way of working out when you least expect it. DH and I just had a in-depth chat about a few things related to him and some changes he would like to make in his life and career. This was the perfect segue for the above topic, but instead of me saying anything, he just led right into it. He even summed up the biggest part of the family change for me. He stated that it is finally his time to put himself first and that includes our marriage. This by no means implies that his children come second or last to me, but more that they need to find their own way in this life just like the rest of us, and if they need help he will be there. So, I will cross my fingers that next time WE are asked to do something, it is WE that make the decision.
I'm very glad you came to some sort of agreement about the situation. I'm a bit worried for you that DH told you it was time for HIM to come first. That is a very selfish comment. Any husband worth their weight should put their wives first and a wife should put her husband first, and yes, the children are supposed to follow after that order. I'm not saying it will always work that way, especially in blended families, but it's a good way to bond together and gain some balance. I pray that things get easier and more balanced for you and hubby.
But Poppin, really, it would have been just as selfish of Gerina to tell her husband "No, you should be putting ME first". I think more selfishness is apparent and more conflicts are exacerbated by this "first" philosophy than whatever it is the philosophy is trying to help. Harmonious, loving, cooperative and mutually respectful relationships aren't ranked in terms of subordination. Hierarchies are useful for controlling a population (whether it's the workplace, the government or the kindergarten classroom) but that's just useful for rule compliance and keeping order, it has nothing to do with cooperation, consideration, real respect or real loving feelings. Fair give-and-take and being a kind, considerate, dutiful person do not have to mean anybody subordinates themselves to anyone else. Especially within a marriage of equal partners. It is entirely possible to get your needs and others' needs met without having to dictate to others what or whom you think "should" be most important to them. Everyone's important.
serenity and kkny i am not sure i totally agree with what you are saying.
I think that even though everyone is important, i do not believe that adult chidlren (and parents) play the same role as spouses do in day after day interaction.
I do not believe that people have to ask their adult children (or their parents) a permission to bring pets in their own house but it is absolutelly necessary to ask your spouse, i do not think we need to consult wiht adult children about vacations or purchases or decorating our houses or spending free time, but we do have to consult with spouses. I make unilateral decisions all the time without discussing it wiht DD but I would not make such decisions without talking to a spouse or even a SO.
same with adult children. DD doesn't need to discuss wiht me if it is OK to have a huge party, but she absolutelly cannot invite 20 people without talking to her SO. She didn't ask me if i am OK with her keeping mice as pets, but she sure asked her SO.
of course I would never put a man ahead of my child when it comes to any major life altering decisions that could harm my child. But i absolutelly see no need to base my daily decisions on what is OK or not wiht adult children.
Luckily DD never had that need and never attempted to do so. As I would not expect her to put me first in her every day life.
I think that plenty of problems come out from lack of boundaries between parents and adult children. Step family or not.
I agree with the pet/party scenarios. I just dont see a need to say spouse first. It depends on situation. Hypothetically, if I had a lot of money, and D wanted it for grad school and DH wanted a boat, I can tell you where the money would go.
I think serentiy and saying that situations have to be assessed, not a blind spouse first -- which I think even saying it is insulting and the mark of a person insecure in a relationship.
I can agree that whoever will be affected by your decisions should be consulted about those decisions as a matter of decency, courtesy and mutual respect. And again, there's not much of a difference in my book whether it's kids living with their parents (or parents living with their adult kids), or two spouses, or two room-mates. And I think it goes in all directions. If you're wanting to throw a party in that house, it's going to affect everyone in it. A child can have allergies to pets that need to be considered if their parent wanted to get a pet, as much as the opposite. A high school kid studying hard for his finals needs to be borne in mind if parents are planning a party just as much as the reverse. It may be that the kid has to arrange to study elsewhere for the night or the adults plan their party for the day after the kid's exams... no matter, as long as a way is found for all to get what they want/need.
Most situations can work this way if everyone has respect and consideration for each other. There are really very few situations where a rigid hierarchy has to be stated and one party HAS to be prioritized ABOVE the other because there are absolutely no alternatives. There are some, but not that many. And even in those few situations, people can say to one another: "okay, in the interest of fairness, you got your way this time b/c the situation made it have to be one or the other, so next time in such a situation I'll get my way." Sure, there are situations where a parent can say to a kid: "Sorry, but I'm the parent and you're the kid and that's just how it goes". Sometimes there is no choice BUT to say this to a kid. But one would hope that the reason is something important and purposeful and mutually beneficial (i.e. keeping a kid from imminent danger or saying no to something ridiculous) and not just to prove some point by the kid being constantly reminded that his needs and his existence are somehow less valid than somebody else's. Or to placate somebody else's insecure ego.
People have varying beliefs on these sorts of things and how parent-child and spouse-spouse relationships should work, and these beliefs aren't likely to change. Psychological studies have tended to show that certain personality traits are more fixed than others, along specific scales, and "authoritarianism" is one such scale. I'm using that term in the psychological definition, not necessarily the political one. In a nutshell, the world can be divided into people who believe in strict hierarchies and people who don't. Neither opinion is objectively "wrong", they are just two very different ways of approaching life and relationships. So all we can do is state our personal opinion on the subject and know that none of us are likely to change anyone else's mind too much about it.
For example, people high on the "authoritarianism" scale tend to see parents as "ranking above" their children... which on the surface sounds reasonable enough. After all, the parents created the kids, and raised them and provide for them. But where that way of seeing it ("ranking above") gets murky and wierd is when the kids become legal adults in their own right and no longer need their parents to provide for them and thus no longer need to subordinate themselves to their parents. And then one day, the parents start to become dependent on their kids, even sometimes moving into the kids' houses and having to subordinate themselves to their kids' lifestyles and needs. You see how wierd that is? It's only really a wierd thought when it's viewed through that lens of "who's first?" or "who's more important?" because it throws all previously stated notions of those questions out of whack and makes them seem ridiculous. There are responsibilities involved in taking care of children, there are responsibilities in taking care of parents, there are responsibilities in taking care of spouses, there are responsibilities in taking care of pets, and they don't always follow whatever schedule or hierarchy we may think we want to stick on them. What if your mother was paralyzed in a car wreck the night before your wedding? What if it was your adult kid? What if it was your spouse the night before your kid's graduation? What if they were all in the hospital at the same time, from the same wreck, and all needed you to tend to their needs? You see, life doesn't always follow our codes. We make the best decisions we can and try to do the most we can for those we love --because we love them and they are important to us-- and that is about as orderly as we can probably hope to have it...
Maybe the fairest thing to say is anyone who wants to have any kind of good, mutually supportive relationship with any other human being should be considerate of that other human being. And should cultivate qualities such as flexibility, adaptability, constructive problem-solving and learn the art of "win-win" negotiations. Then there's no need to assert "I'm first!" because it won't really matter.
What is insulting is people taking my comments so grossly out of context and twisting my words to make them contradict their own lifestyles/belief systems. We are all not the same, nor will we all agree/disagree on everything. The insecure person(s) on this board are the one(s) who won't just leave their own advice and move on without tearing into other persons' advice.
Think of the whole situation this way... If the husband is honoring the wife, and the wife is honoring the husband, and both cherish and nurture the children (reguardless who they "belong" to biologically) then it makes the whole situation work smoothly. This is written word of God, I didn't just make this up on the fly. ( and funny, when put to the test it actually works!) BECAUSE everyone is selfish to some extent, things don't always go everyone's way which is precisely why there are forums for people to gripe,vent and seek advice. Geesh. Get a grip.
Gerina - my prayers are with you.
What I never understand when people bring God into this, is how does this apply to second marriages? Was my X supposed to be faithful and to stay married to me? Or does this "put spouse first" only apply to second marriages where neither party had any fault in divorce?
Forgot to add to the above post. My husband started treating me badly when his ex crooked her little finger and wanted him back. He admitted later he did that. I forced him to choose between his ex or me. He had to leave before he realized how much he loved and missed me.
"If the husband is honoring the wife, and the wife is honoring the husband, and both cherish and nurture the children (reguardless who they "belong" to biologically) then it makes the whole situation work smoothly."
This is so true. I hadn't thought of it from a religious standpoint, but my philosophy is that there is a hierarchy in relationships.... Parents are equals... kids are not equal to parents. "respect your elders" and parents (step & bio) should be partners in raising the kids... and no kkny, people are supposed to be faithful and stay married when they decide to be in a marriage. That doesn't always happen, whether it's a first or fifth marriage.
If the husband is honoring the wife, and the wife is honoring the husband, and both cherish and nurture the children (reguardless who they "belong" to biologically) then it makes the whole situation work smoothly. Well, sure that sounds incredibly reasonable doesn't it? But geri's situation (and mine, as both the kinda step-child and -parent actually) involve adult "children". As the step"child"it's a bit inappropriate, bordering on condescending and patronizing, to suggest that two adults should have a "cherish and nurture the child" type of relationship just because one is married to the other one's parent. Geri doesn't need to "cherish and nurture" her SDs (although her husband probably does)--- she needs to figure out how to relate to her SDs as adults and kinda/sorta equals while still respecting her husband's parent-child relationship with them. She is in a different, but not necessarily less difficult, situation, than SMs dealing with minor children. She has to treat her SDs (at least in some ways) as equals: adult to adult-- while still respecting that they are her husband's baby girls. It is not easy to know the appropriate balance.
I also meant to say I'm glad it looks like thing are heading in the right direction. I almost responded to your post earlier but couldn't quite come up with the right words to suggest for your husband, which just led to "i see your problem with figuring out how to express yourself" rather than actual helpfulness in doing so.
My point, Ima, is that when you marry someone who has already left a marriage, to bring god into how people should be treated seems a little unrealistic.
The problem with relying on power -- or hierarchy -- to drive or control relationships is that when the power no longer exists, the relationship will likely deteriorate. Whether the power is derived from money or phyical strengh or age over young ones -- if and when it goes, then the relationship will change. So many steps complain, as adults my stepchildren ignore dad and me. Sometimes it happens, but sometimes we make our own bed. Not that everyone would care.
I want to add to my question above that although I am agnostic, I'm not at all hostile or close-minded to the idea that there is a "God" of some sort, or to those who believe in one. I just think it's a mistake to assume that everyone does, including members of the same blended family, when trying to make your argument. Not that you are not entitled to believe what you want, but it just may not be shared by those you're in the relationship(s) with and whom you're trying to get to see things your way. And just that for me personally, any God that I would choose to believe in would not phrase the concepts/principles of loving relationships in those particular terms.
kkny, where in any of the comments I've made do I state there is a hierarchy? In my posts, I've clearly stated each spouse should honor eachother and put eachother first... Doesn't sound like a hierarchy to me, sounds like an equal partnership. You can be "married" to your kids, but you'll wreck your mariage when you continually choose your kids over your spouse. If your spouse is abusive or hateful to you or your children, that won't work either. As far as my God, I'm not assuming that anyone besides myself should or does believe in Him. I'm just stating the life I have chosen to follow. Does my mentioning the Lord threaten you?
quirk - Is there a law that a step parent should stop loving their step-kids after they are a certain age? Maybe IF gerina was putting in a little more nurture and cherish and a little less self, things would be different. She chose to be in that relationship and all that it brings, you can hate your SK's and live miserably with yourself or you can choose to love them and have some peace! Loving them doesn't mean you have to put up with their BS, either!
Of course the SK's should respect their elders.. doesn't always happen, but when the SP shows some nurturing to them, and forgets about how "uncomfortable" that child may be making their life (adult or not) they will probably find that things will go easier. The hardest times I've ever had in my relationship with my DH is when I was resentful, jealous or just being selfish about his kids, and that still happens from time to time! The whole thing works better when I'm not being that way...
Enough explanation for you?
Poppin, you don't threaten me, nor do you intimidate me --
"The hardest times I've ever had in my relationship with my DH is when I was resentful, jealous or just being selfish about his kids, and that still happens from time to time!"
I am impressed that you can recognize and admit this and move on. Poppin, you didnt use the word hierarchal, but saying first, second, I think implies the same thing.
"My point, Ima, is that when you marry someone who has already left a marriage, to bring god into how people should be treated seems a little unrealistic."
It's only unrealistic for those that have lost their faith. Just because one marriage ends, does not mean God should be excluded from one's life... or left out of future relationships.
"The problem with relying on power -- or hierarchy -- to drive or control relationships is that when the power no longer exists, the relationship will likely deteriorate. Whether the power is derived from money or phyical strengh or age over young ones -- if and when it goes, then the relationship will change. So many steps complain, as adults my stepchildren ignore dad and me. Sometimes it happens, but sometimes we make our own bed. Not that everyone would care."
I am 20 years older than my children. How is age going to go away? The hierarchy is not adults over young children... it's parent over child. I am a child of my parents and to this day, I would not talk to them in a disrespectful way or treat them as if I am their equal. They are my parents and I respect them as such... and my children, no matter how old they get, will never be my equal. We are all adults, but I am their parent... not their equal. I have 20 years of life experiences that they don't and my parents have 25 years on me... there is no such thing as being equal to your parents. There may become a time when you can converse as adults and have a more adult friendship relationship instead of parent/child, but that does not make them equal.
But Ima, in all reality there DOES come a time when the kids are what you might call "equal" to the parents, and in some cases even in the position to make decisions for them. Not because they want to but by necessity. I'm talking about when one's parents get old and/or sick and need to be taken care of. I dealt with it to some extent when my dad got cancer, there were decisions I needed to make and things I needed to do for him that he could not fully do on his own nor could he be final arbiter on. My mom and uncles have been dealing with this for several years with my grandparents. there came a very distinct point in time where together they declared ---and only by necessity--- "WE'RE calling the shots now" with important decisions regarding their care and where and when they would do what.
I'm not saying this means it's silly to have respect for your parents and to listen to their advice and everything while they are still able-bodied and able-minded... I'm just saying that these very facts of nature and the aging process, etc. mean it just can't be as simple as "always defer to your parents no matter what". And not to sound petty or ominous about it, but there is also truth in the fact that in a very real way the whole "respect goes both ways" thing is sage advice, as grown kids are much more likely to be make prudent, loving, caring and less self-serving decisions for parents who have have made prudent, loving, caring and less self-serving decisions for them throughout their lives. So that's why to me the point isn't to focus on who is more deserving of the respect and concern but that the ***virtues themselves*** of respect and concern be learned by all and by example.
Serenity, I am fast approaching that day when my mother will have to accept she will have to move in with me. She will not be able to drive much longer. She always treated me and my siblings with respect, and she will continue to be treated that way by all of us. But there will likely come a time when my siblings and I will ahve to make more decisions for her.
It can be a very wierd and difficult transition... but it does help to remember that it's part of a natural cycle, that can help you remember that what you're doing is loving/helping, even though it feels wierd to take control. I didn't have to deal with that too much with my Dad, just a little, but my mom & uncles have to do that big time with my grandparents because they are both extremely far-gone into senile dementia...
I also want to add that I don't think it's right or fair for grown kids to treat their dependent parents poorly even if they feel they were treated less than great. I still think there's a duty to do the right things no matter what... And sadly there will be kids who will treat their parents like crap no matter how great their parents were to them... I'm just saying that especially when it comes to the extras that mean so much (things like bringing flowers or treats to the nursing home instead of just popping in dutifully for five minutes... or finding the best nursing they can afford as opposed to just anyplace), it seems more likely to come from kids who feel like "they were always there for me and wanted the best for me, it's the least I can do for them in return..."
I'm off the subject of the original post, but that worked itself out for me anyway.
This is certainly an "understood rule" in my family, that of my DH's family, and it appears that it is the same in the families of most of my friends because we all have or had to care for aging or ill parents. It really simple - One is never going to be the peer of their family elders, even if that elder is ill and no longer capable of making decisions or caring for themselves.
Just because a family member is at a physical or mental disadvantage does not make you their peer. Serenity, I was the sole caregiver of my very sick mom for several years. I made many, many decisions for her because she was too depressed and ill to make them for herself. Never once did I consider myself to be her peer. If she had thought that I was disrespectful to her or treating her like she was the child (and she did behave that way many times), all she had to do was have me call her attorney and place somebody else, including the attorney, in the position to handle her affairs.
Never ever assume that just because your parents or grandparents or other family elder is no longer capable of self care that it makes you their equal. You will never be that, it's a matter of respect, integrity, maintaining their dignity, and I think it something that has been understood throughout generations.
I guess the difference for me is that I don't think of being somebody's peer or equal as being disrespectful... Probably a lot of that comes from my mom who didn't have any problem with that. She's one of those moms who some people may have a problem with because she's a real *friend* to me (and I her) and a lot of people disagree with that style of parenting. But the upshot is we have no problems with one another, love each other very dearly, and would each do whatever we could for each other. If that's problematic in some people's eyes, that's their right to view it that way, but she and I have no issues. Definitely when I was living under her roof before I went off to college, I followed her rules and understood she was in charge. And she is still in charge about several things, namely when I ever have to ask her for anything I understand that because I am asking something of her, it's her prerogative to grant or deny my requests. When I visit her house I try to do things and put things, etc. how and where she wants them... I wouldn't tell her what to do or anything like that, but I do feel free to express my opinion about certain things and even lecture her on occasion (to quit smoking) or give her advice on things (i.e. diet and exercise) which I happen to know more about than she does. And vice versa, because there are many things she knows more about than I do, and she also has plenty of opinions about my life. That's fine, because we both know it comes out of caring and we both know we are free as independent adults to take or leave each other's opinions/advice.
But I guess the understanding between my mom and I is that now I am an adult in my own right, and we both embrace the positive sides of that which means we can have conversations more or less as "equals" or "peers" about adult issues. There is no need to revert to any statement of a hierarchy because neither one of us is disrespecting each other. That's because we naturally have mutual respect for each other. I respect who she is a s a person and as a mom and think she did a good job raising me; and she respects the woman I've become. I can see, though, where if either of us was disrespecting each other it may be instinctual to seek to clarify who is "on top" of a hierarchy. And in some cases I'm sure that one party or the other has to be reminded of where they stand, so to speak. A mom telling her grown son that he better remember to respect his mother when he rudely calls her a "b!tch", or a grown son telling his mother that her meddling in his marriage is disrespectful to he and his new wife. So I can see where there would be some occasions where people need to be reminded of certain boundaries that they shouldn't cross, due to the limits of their authority. But I guess in my thinking that comes more from when one party seeks to be MORE significant or dominant over a given situation than another, not when they view themselves as an equal adult. And primarily where one or both parties has not REALLY learned what respect actually means. In general I don't see too many problems erupt when people see themselves as equals, it's when one or more see themselves as *superior* that a problem starts. To me and my way of thinking "equal" is like "similar", which is akin to "like-minded", "friendly", "having things in common to connect over", and "in harmony". I can't think of anyone in my life whom I'd be offended by them viewing themselves as a peer to me. I don't find that inherently disrespectful... and I guess that's because my mom doesn't. If she did, I guess we'd have a problem, but instead we have a wonderful relationship. Another plus side to being "peers" with my mom is that I happen to find her one of the most fun and delightful people simply to spend time with. How many moms can brag that their kid actually finds them cool and loves spending time with them... not just for a hot meal but for wonderful conversation and most importantly some great laughs?
I guess if we are going to bring God into the picture, I would say we are all Gods children. Gerina, I think that we are comparing apples and oranges. No, I wouldnt treat my mother as you would treat a child, but she wouldnt treat me that way either (at this point in our lives).
I think the kind of relationship you have with your mother is just awesome, Serenity. That's how I parent my daughter too and I hope when she's an adult that we have that kind of relationship still.
I hope when I'm older she takes care of me because she wants too, not because she feels she has to or whatever.
"Hypothetically, if I had a lot of money, and D wanted it for grad school and DH wanted a boat, I can tell you where the money would go."
well at the same time if spouse wanted or needed to go to grad school but DD wanted a boat my money would not go towards her boat.
of course blindly saying spouse first is stupid but in situation decsribed in this thread re pets yes spouse comes first.
I am not authoritarian parent, in fact i was probably too lenient and too much of a friend to DD, maybe because I was very young when i had her. Yet i believe in healthy boundaries. DD does not run my or dad's life as we do not run hers, she does not act entitled and does not expect to stand number one in every decision we make.
But i have to say that too many adult chidlren do act as they have to run parents lives, critisize or interfer in parents' personal lives or choise of partners, etc and are entitled to monetary or some other entitlement. lack of boundaries only causes pain to everyone.
i cannot imagine DD telling me she does not like someone I am dating or someone dad is married to. as i would nto tell things like that to her. her life not mine.
I cannot imagine DD telling me or dad make sure that when you die I get XYZ. she is not entitled. this came to mind because a friend of mine, elderly lady, just told me that now when her husband is in a hospital her SKs told her make sure his will is updated and they get XYZ (money and his house) in case he dies after surgery. I cannot imagine DD saying that to anyone. In fact i know she never will.


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Kuala Lumpur: Sukuk cost is going downward and this slide in the sukuk cost indicates that Malaysia's state-owned Syarikat Prasarana Negara Bhd is paying 20 percent less to finance railway expansion than China, which is building the world's largest high-speed network.
According to an interview of Prasarana Finance Director, Muhammad Zahir Zahur Hussain, the company, which runs light-rail services in and around the Malaysian capital, Kuala Lumpur, has RM1 billion each of 2022 and 2027 Shariah-compliant notes to yield 3.77 percent and 4 percent respectively.
China's Ministry of Railways issued 10-year non-Islamic bonds at a coupon rate of 4.68 percent on Aug 21 and 15-year securities at 5 percent, the government's debt clearing house website shows.
OSK-UOB Islamic Fund Management Bhd said that the government guarantees are lowering borrowing costs for companies involved in Prime Minister Najib Razak's $444 billion program to build railways, highways, and power plants. China is paying more for its debt because of the risk the economy will slow too rapidly, while a shortage of sukuk is cutting yields in Malaysia.
Chan Cheh Shin, who manages RM850 million as Head of Sukuk at Kuala Lumpur-based OSK-UOB Islamic Fund Management, said in an interview, "Prasarana is able to pay lower yields than most corporates because of the explicit government guarantee."
Hussain said that the company attracted orders for the 10-year portion of RM1.6 billion and RM2 billion for the 15-year notes. The proceeds from the short-maturity debt will be used to refinance existing loans and the longer- tenor notes will go toward capital expenditure, he added.
Central Bank data shows that yields are falling in Malaysia even as sales increased 41 percent in 2012 to RM43.2 billion from a year earlier, after reaching a record RM75.6 billion in 2011. Islamic banking assets in the Southeast Asian nation grew 24 percent to RM435 billion in 2011.
Average yields on the country's top-rated 10-year corporate debt declined 31 basis points, or 0.31 percentage point, in 2012 to 4.35 percent.
Danainfra Nasional Bhd, formed to help finance the construction of a subway in Kuala Lumpur, sold 10 and 15-year Islamic bonds at 3.74 percent and 4.04 percent on July 10. The issuance attracted orders worth RM12.9 billion for the RM2.4 billion on offer, the company said in an e-mailed statement on July 10.
Prasarana sold RM2 billion of sukuk, which pay returns on assets to comply with Islam's ban on interest, at a previous sale in July 2011 to fund the expansion of two existing overhead lines in Kuala Lumpur.


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RANDY TO THE RESCUE: 50th anniversary placematsThis week... Randy gets the table ready for a golden anniversary dinner party. Disclaimer: Comments posted on this, or any story are opinions of those people posting them, and not the views or opinions of WWAY NewsChannel 3, its management or employees. » |
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August 19, 2007
Podcast 2007.2: Chartruese returns and why unions for bloggers are a bad idea
Podcast 2007.2: Chartreuse returns and why unions for bloggers are a bad idea
A few weeks later than intended, we're back with a look at the return of Chartreuse and the whole hubbub around unionizing bloggers.
You can subscribe directly to our podcast feed in order to receive our show each day that it is released. For iTunes users, you can subscribe directly via iTunes.
And now, on with the show. Notes after the jump….


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Posted Thursday, August 19, 2010
Looking at the numbers, it turns out blue collar workers have lost their jobs faster than the rest of the nation. When the economy fell off a cliff, you might say it landed on them. Certain work force sectors have been hit so hard by the recession, the rate of job losses there match the plunge in overall employment during the Great Depression. Thursday morning at 9:00, Plain Dealer Metro columnist Regina Brett and guests discuss what the fallout may be and whether the needs of the long-term unemployed can be met. This is an encore presentation of The Sound of Ideas.
Economy, Help Wanted, Other, Community/Human Interest
Please follow our community discussion rules when composing your comments.
Watch the Sound of Ideas during the broadcast - view now! Live video stream available during normal broadcast, Mon-Fri, 9-10 AM (EST).
Every weekday at 9:00 AM (EST), The Sound of Ideas reports the news, explains the news, and sometimes makes news. The Cleveland Press Club awarded it "Best Radio Show" in Ohio and thousands daily find it to be an indispensable source of information about what's most important to Northeast Ohioans.
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Narrow your search
Capture and share the world's moments on your Android, customize your photos and videos with filter effects.
With its modern design and enormous community, Instagram is tough to beat for photo and video sharing.
Pricing not available
The "District 9" director's next creature feature could see Sigourney Weaver's Ripley back where she belongs, kicking xenomorph tail.
Technically Incorrect: Brag is a new social network that allows you to be who you really are: a desperately egotistical, self-centered narcissist who just wants to show off all day. And who wants to be proud of it.
At least one company says smartphones don't have to be rectangular slabs.
With addition of 15-second video clips, Instagram is tough to beat for photo and video sharing with an enormous and lively community.
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The social network admits the hour-long problem was caused by its own engineers.
Want to proudly display your Instagram feed on your bicep? A new service called Picattoo will turn a dozen of your pictures into temporary tattoos for cheap.
One day after the FCC adopted new Net neutrality rules, consumers are left scratching their heads about what it means for their Web-surfing experience. Has anything really changed?
The most popular celebrities on Instagram lose massive numbers of followers after the photo-sharing service purges fake or spam accounts, according to a list published to the Web.
A recent update to the popular photo-sharing app makes it possible to hide your least favorite filters.


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Art - Assistant Professor (Contemporary Art History and Theory)
University of Manitoba
Date posted:
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR (Contemporary Art History and Theory)
The School of Art, University of Manitoba invites applications for full-time tenure-track position at the rank of Assistant Professor. Position Number: 15923
Applicants must have a solid understanding of contemporary theory and practice. The successful candidate will be able to integrate historical, critical and theoretical understanding of contemporary art at the undergraduate and graduate level, and to supervise graduate students in studio research. We seek an individual with an active research program, and an inspiring teaching style, who is willing to contribute energy, enthusiasm and vision. The successful candidate will also provide collegial leadership to both the undergraduate and graduate areas of the School.
Winnipeg boasts recognition as the 2010 Cultural Capital of Canada. The Winnipeg Art Gallery, Plug In Institute of Contemporary Art gallery and the Platform Gallery are among its many exciting gallery venues. Border Crossings, Royal Winnipeg Ballet, Manitoba Opera and Manitoba Theatre Centre are some of its cultural institutions. An integral part of the vibrant and dynamic Winnipeg art community, the School has approximately 40 full and part-time faculty and approximately 400 students in programs with a reputation for producing outstanding artists and scholars. The School of Art offers an MFA in studio practice, and BFA and BFA Honours programs in art history and studio practice. For further information please visit the School of Art website: http://www.umanitoba.ca/schools/art.
Applicants must have a PhD (in art history, visual culture, cultural studies or related field), a significant research and publishing record and preference will be given to candidates with three years of teaching experience at the post-secondary level. The ideal candidate shall possess a background in contemporary theory and a high degree of awareness of artistic production over the last thirty years in a global context.
Please submit:
- Curriculum vitae detailing education, professional background, teaching or curatorial record.
- Statement of teaching philosophy and practice (one page)
- Statement of research interests (one page)
- Copies of 3-4 publications
- Names and contact information for three referees
- Outlines for courses taught
Send application materials to:
Mary Ann Steggles, Chair, Search Committee
School of Art
ARTlab, 180 Dafoe Road
The University of Manitoba
Winnipeg, Manitoba, R3T 2N2
E-mail enquiries should be sent to: firstname.lastname@example.com
The committee will begin reviewing applications on March 11, 2013 and continue until the position is filled.
Position will commence July 1, 2013 or as soon as possible thereafter. Salary is commensurate with qualifications and experience. The University of Manitoba is committed to creating a diverse and inclusive workplace. Applications are encouraged from qualified applicants including members of visible minorities, Aboriginal peoples, people with disabilities, people of all sexual orientations and genders, and others who may contribute to the further diversification of the university. All qualified candidates are encouraged to apply; however, Canadian citizens and permanent residents will be given priority.
Application materials, including letters of reference, will be handled in accordance with the protection of privacy provisions of "The Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act" (Manitoba). Please note that curriculum vitaes may be provided to participating members of the search process.


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Posts Tagged 'noetic structure'
Non-Denominationalism and Epistemology: Why Some Things Can't Be Learned by Simple Study
For the last couple of weeks, my reading has been dominated by discussions of denominationalism. It all started when Nathan discussed the "feeling" of a doctrine. The key sentence, in my estimation, is this one:
Non-denominationalists might condemn denominations because they alienate real...
August 27th, 2013 | Philosophy, Religion | Read More


text: Puppy Palooza: Puppy Pursuit gamesBookmark the permalink. Release date: Apr 25th, 2011 Price: Free Version: 1.0 Seller: Rock Ridge Games, LLC. Buy Now STP SCORE: Not yet reviewed Description Related Games Wake the Cat Pudding Monsters Karateka Skee-Ball 2 Mutant Fridge Mayhem – Gumball Power Rangers Legends Pou Mensa Academy Kumo Lumo One Tap Hero™


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There was only one problem: Cox's party was at the wrong venue -- Splash, a gay nightclub on Dixie Highway in South Miami. It should have taken place at Gadyva Bar, a nightclub she helped create in a split-level restaurant space at the rear of the Coconut Grove Exhibition Center on Dinner Key.
On February 13 Cox arrived at Gadyva to oversee another Friday night of revelry, as she had for nearly three months. But she was soon escorted out by the club's security men after manager Armando Perez informed her she was no longer allowed on the premises.
And so began another chapter in the turbulent saga of Cox, the city-owned restaurant space, and the man who controls the master lease for the property, Stephen Kneapler, owner of Monty's restaurants.
Lisa Cox is no stranger to turbulence. In the early Nineties, she fought aggressively for lesbian clubgoers against rival promoter Caroline Clone. Their very public skirmishes were as entertaining as they were vicious. In keeping with her feisty reputation, Cox, a few days after being ejected from Gadyva, wrote in a newsletter circulated among several thousand "Girls in the Night" devotees: "It is a nightmare to realize that I invested every part of myself financially, emotionally, and spiritually into finally giving lesbian women in South Florida a place of our own, only to have it stripped away by greed and envy.... Mr. Steve Kneapler and his associates are attempting to steal a concept that was not born of themselves."
Kneapler too has known his share of controversy. For years he has wrestled with the City of Miami over its terms for leasing municipal waterfront property, usually in an effort to turn over less money to city coffers.
And the site over which Kneapler and Cox are doing battle? It has chronically suffered from a commercial curse, always showing promise, always falling flat on its financial face -- from J.P.'s restaurant in the Eighties to the ephemeral Havana Clipper in 1990 to the short-lived Radiator Grill in 1996.
Long before Gadyva Bar opened November 21 of last year, Cox had been planning to create a lesbian nightclub using that name. But she needed the right space. She says she shared her ideas with David Tambasco, a Kneapler employee who had often attended her Friday-night parties at Splash.
According to Cox, Kneapler proposed that she relocate her event to his financially sputtering Radiator Grill. Though Cox thought the move might be a step toward her dream of opening a nightclub that catered to lesbians, she rejected the offer because Radiator Grill's decor was too ugly for her taste. "The place was disgusting," she says flatly.
Further discussions followed, however, and eventually Cox offered to open Gadyva Bar in Radiator Grill if Kneapler would cover the cost of redecorating. By this past October, Cox recalls, she and Kneapler had struck a compromise: They would split redecorating costs. "Tambasco said, 'Oh, we'll take care of you,'" Cox claims. "'You're going to be there ten years. Steve really wants you there. I can convince him to spend the money to get the place the way you need it. It's going to be your club. We're not going to have any say in it. He just wants to make money. He just wants to show up there and pick up the money.'" (David Tambasco could not be reached for comment.)
After two months of remodeling, Radiator Grill morphed into Gadyva. On the second level were two separate dance floors, one indoors and one on a veranda. Next to each dance floor was a small stage for go-go dancers. Over a bar in another interior room, video monitors displayed the omnipresent tapes of topless women. An outside bar area included tables and chairs while the ground level featured a lounge with couches.
Gadyva enjoyed an enthusiastic opening in late November, with Cox acting as promoter on Friday and Saturday. Bar receipts for December, the first full month of operation, totaled $47,000, according to a computer printout provided by Cox. "Gadyva was supposed to be a place that was built by women and all about women, and if men felt comfortable, they could go there," Cox explains. "Gadyva is supposed to be a women's bar and that's what it looks like."
Then came that fateful Friday the 13th in February: Cox was out; Armando Perez was in. According to Perez, son of well-known Cuban radio talk-show host Armando Perez Roura, Cox became persona non grata because she had not paid him $15,000 for ten weeks of work as manager of the club. He refused to comment for the record except to say, "I don't make comments. I just let God bring to people what they deserve."
Cox maintains that Kneapler was responsible for paying Perez. "It's weird that every other manager has been paid by Steve Kneapler and all of a sudden it's my responsibility to pay Armando," she scoffs. "It has never been my responsibility to pay managers at any club where I've worked. Why would I hire somebody to be manager who makes more than I make?"


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Old Town Hot Springs - Steamboat Springs, Colorado
The Old Town Hot Springs is an historic hot spring and recreational facility in the heart of Steamboat Springs, Colorado. It is a family-friendly facility, which has been a location for recreation and rejuvenation for visitors and locals alike for over 100 years.
In the spirit of attending to Steamboat Springs' recreational and relaxation needs, Old Town Hot Springs offers two 230-foot waterslides, a 3,000 square foot hot activity pool, Heart Spring pool, 2 spas, eight lap lanes and more. It is a multi-use complex open seven days a week.
The swimming and soaking pools have been here in one form or another for over 100 years, first serving as a gathering and bathing place for the Ute Indians who first settled in this area. Later it was most likely a social place and a bathing place for the early homesteaders.
The famous Heart Spring is the source of all of the water in the pools. It pumps approximately 220 gallons per minute and comes out of the ground like an artesian well, meaning naturally without the use of man-made pumps. The water then runs into an overflow system filling each of the pools on the property.
Touting a combination of local history with first-class amenities, the Old Town Hot Springs should be on every visitor's to-do list when in Steamboat Springs.
Mission Statement
The Old Town Hot Springs is the non-profit center for health and wellness, providing recreation and education in aquatics and fitness for our members, guests, and community.
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