text:
Mozilla: Moe Howard and Godzilla's illegitimate love child. 'fo shizzle! VIPERsssss
-----Original Message----- >From: firstname.lastname@example.com [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.com] >Sent: Monday, January 24, 2005 12:18 PM >To: VIPERsssss >Subject: Re: Problem >In a message dated 1/24/2005 11:59:56 AM Central Standard Time, VIPERsssss writes: >>F5 is the refresh button in windows, and no, you have to put >>www.sfeaonline.org in the web browser's address bar (firefox is a web >>browser, just like IE only not crappy)
>Okay, I used Mizille Firefox and got the correct web page >but the old one still comes up on aol for me. I tried >going to aol and pulling it up again and got the old one >and hit f5 and still got the old one. So how do I get the >new one from aol? Of do I always have to go to Mozille >whatever and what kind of name is that anyway?
CommentsYeah, what kind of name is Mozille? I'll tell you, it's in the Czech Republic. Lovely little town where the main industry is making multi-coloured stomach pumps. -robbor robbor, you are killin' me today! I made it past "moozilla" but the "multi-colored stomach pumps" nearly cost me a keyboard! LOL! -Tekkie LMFAO @ robbor's comment -ch41nbr8kr Mom'z in da 'hood? Go Mo-om! Go Mo-om! Go Mo-om! Go Mo-om!! -viennasausage Woop! Woop! </raises roof> -Amiga5000 Actually, The Mizille is loaded on the Firefox. It's true! I was the movie ! < Running for the Porta-LARTty > -Necros
CommentsMorris Code? -gr4p34p3 Morris Code: meow meow meow... meeeeeeowww... meow meoe meow.... etc. -Chipsterian <---------<< The Typo King!!!! -drunkenwildmage Too fucking funny LMAO -THETECHFROMHELL Tie hankerchefs around their knees then dance on your butt in hobnailled clogs while waving other hankerchefs around their heads?. . . .Now that IS depraved. -Zoomer Bwahahahaaa...good thing I put down my coffee before reading this. -Dreamstalker Dit Dit Dah Dit, Dit Dit Dah, Dah Dit Dah Dit, Dah Dit Dah (Tom Rapp) - Only Morse Code I Know -satanstech http://www.morriscode.com/ -hkypipe Wrong, Zoomer - it's not depraved, the dance is called 'Shepherds Hay' and you tie bells on patches round your knees and hold a handkerchief in each hand. (confessions of an ex-Morris dancer) ...Oh, shit! What have I just confessed to? -Gromit
CommentsWell, to be fair (as much as it pains me to be fair to a SF), his router may be able to run as a bridge. The dsl modem/router we use can run in that mode. -itwasntme If you have a modem/router combo, yes, but this was a _plain_ modem. I think the SF meant can he turn DHCP server and NAT off... -NordicPT Edit: _plain_ ROUTER (darn... more coffee!) -NordicPT Respond yes if you want to eliminate all the security -Servo yes ! you just put it between a something that has gap. Then just run any vehicle over it and you have now a bridge.hehehe < ducks lart due to stupid suggestion > -kennz So... buy a router to use as a dumber device? Wha? -namor <Crooning> Like a bridge over troubled packets ... I will Load thee down ... ( Running to the LART shelter at top speed! ) -Necros Only if you have 3 other people sitting at the desk with you. (Card game reference) -Answerboy I needed to set my zoom x3 as bridge (hey my dlink WAP614+ was already set to go, working, ISP switched from direct? to PPPOE), took 3 days for instructions from ISP AND Zoom to get the correect sequence -beatmewithstick
Commentshmmmm... that's about 5 different ways of spelling 'mozilla' in one e-mail. Impressive. When you fix her problem, be sure to let the mozilla guys know how to fix it, won't you..... -Shaede Turn Mothra loose on it? -hkypipe Would they be responsible for the destruction of Tokyo, again? -ecoli <sings> Ohhhhhhhhhh no they say hes got to go, go go Godzilla </Blue Oyster Cult> -rockytech Change it to smtp.gamera.com -teivrann Two different customers this week alone emailed me about Godzilla! What is it with them?!? -willow I called him regarding the issue and left a message. No response. I wonder how he sent the email to me. :-) rockytech, a BOC fan, I presome? I've seen them live 14 times over the past 5 years. They rule! -ch41nbr8kr GOOOHZIIRAAA!!!! -TheMage18 SMPT: Starfish moaning pisses techs. -concept14
Commentsreply: $200/hr, 2 hr min. -Dj 1. organize cables 2. LART 3. Profit -p3bk4c I'm always hesitant to organize my computer's cables because as soon as i have everything neat I change something and mess everything up in the process -DedSysOp EIEI - NO! -hkypipe If it ain't broke, don't farkin' fix it! -RiffRaff <runs into the room breathing hard with a large bag of cable ties. Points at starfish shouting> "YOU THERE!!" <procedes to apply the cable ties by tying the SF to a chair and shoving the rest of the twisty ties into his mouth> "Stupid starfish!" <walks out of the room feeling MUCH better> -rokitt Pfffft, all he needs is a wireless router, right? Right?... Hey, why do you have that stick? No, wait... -VIPERsssss <runs into the room breathing hard with a large bag of butt plugs. Points at VIPERsssss shouting> "YOU THERE!!" <bfeg> -rokitt Eggy's gonna be pissed when he finds out you stole his buttplugs. -VIPERsssss marco -p3bk4c pol-No! -GefahrMaus David Spade rocks! -missourimule umm..what are buttplugs -jamaal
CommentsPeople call her Forrest Gump... -Torinir ok so why is this a bad customer email? -postal tech This looks more like an email about a bad customer. -HidariMak it was a Customer Service Email warning against a Bad customer .. hence the APB <all points Buletin from the PD at the Shelter> and PD is Police department <ducks head back in > -TechBuckett
CommentsAnd, Of Course, you have copies of Document & Correspondance in your Files, just in case there is some problem. -satanstech "We are not $department_head's secretary, kthxbi" -Geminii I'm already holding that report in my hands. Be a damn shame if *Mrs.* Head of Department saw this credit card report with all of the porn site charges, wouldn't it? What's that? Why, yes, Vice President in charge of Network Security sounds like a *great* promotion. Thank you, sir. -RiffRaff We had something similar once... some asshat jock boned it bigtime on-air with some "objectionable language," so of course everyone was hammering the audio logging server so they could hear what went down. They tried to get me to put the kaibosh on that, but I had to point out that it was MUCH too late to put that particular feline back in its soft, single-opening container. -GreyDuck
CommentsIf this person has english as a second or third language, this isn't really funny. If it is a first language right for them, then this is really sad and they should be poked repeatedly with a cattle prod -snJimboip i vote for cattel prod -Servo Seconded. All in favor? -RiffRaff I'll pay $20 and a bottle of Wild Turkey if you let me do it! -CyBear SOLD!! to the drunken bear down front... -devnul ...Mongo like candy... -lacentrix I'll pay 20 bucks and drink that Wild Turkey!!! -kryliss If the drunken bear can have a cattle prod I want the Starfish to have a battle-ax. I'll stand here with a folding chair just incase it gets crazy. -RePo TICKETS!! GET YOUR TICKETS RIGHT HERE!!! BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE!! -TheMage18
CommentsDamn, my Babelfish died... -Psudo Appearently doesn't have English as Second, Third, Forth, etc. language -satanstech Second editor note: Customer doesn't have English as a language. -namor Honestly: if you had studied some language let's say only three years and probably never much used it, would you be able to describe a complicated technical issue on that language? IMHO the customer tried his best; still can't make head or tails out of his message... -NordicPT I reckon this is testicular ventriloquism - a.k.a. talking bollocks. -Gromit translation - their VOIP service is working however streaming audio and video are not working at some sites possible bandwidth issues? am i even close? -Harm "Noth efen, Harm!";) -rokitt Nordic - I've taken French for a few years. I hardly use it. So, I might have an idea... to respond, I have more of a problem with the flagrant spelling mistakes, than I do with the grammar/utilization. So, yes, IMHO, I'd do better. -namor My brain just died on that one. -rockytech Should I post the obigatory "I want neeewww batteerries noooow!" comment, or should I just go away? -robbor Or should I make sure I'm commenting on the right story? (Where did I put my drugs?) -robbor Wow, I don't think drugs would even help with this one. -TheMage18
CommentsDammit, namor! Get them to change their default gateway or I'll sue! I don't want them using MY network!! -Tekkie Hey, that's MY IP address! Give it back! -geektech
CommentsSend a bounce message. Oh wait, sign him up for spam! -itwasntme Send a bounce message AND sign him up for spam? -FrazzledAdmin "I'm sorry, but you are in error. We do not send e-mails when people make errors." You know, as in "Now listen carefully, Norman: I am lying." -Captain Trips Logic is little tweeting bird chirping in meadow. Logic is wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad. -EvilOtto DOH, that should be "a meadow". That'll teach me to post before coffee. -EvilOtto Dear sir, You are in error in thinking you are alone. Someone IS watching you. All your errors are belong to us. MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! -rokitt Sign him up for spam bounce messages? -missourimule Send 'em a copy of Tubgirl ! -RTFM Respond with either "Who let you out of your cubicle ?" or " DING! Your fries are done!" ;-) -Necros Reply with "Those errors are not from us, they are from *some porn site*. If you want them to stop, go to their site and enter your email address." -geektech
CommentsThe FCC and the FBI - your screwed now buddy :) Sounds like this user has a lot of weight and is willing to throw it around. -jard I've gotten that before. "Sir, your contract says *xxxx*", SF: "That doesn't matter, my dad works for the FCC. I'll have your job!" Ooh, I'm gonna get fired for doing my job and following company policy and federal law! Dude, *my* dad's a preacher, so you better watch out! lmao -missourimule Account Notes: Account terminated for violations of TOS, refusal to heed warnings regarding said violations, and abuse of company personnel. -RiffRaff Well... I'll be sending Jack Bauer from CTU to KICK YOUR ASS!! -ShutitAndReboot
CommentsAt least the spammers are TRYING to be entertaining.. -EvilOtto And if I wanted good drugs, I'd talk to a couple of my cow-irkers. :-p -Torinir
CommentsCows! Another cow. No, that is the same one. /Twister -DoctorTech We have some wireless 'DSL'customers, not too far off the mark if the wind shoves the dish off mark. -Psudo
CommentsWith this example then, being a SF is not genetic...so it must be (un)learned behaviour? (I think everyone has SF in the family, no shame dude.) -Psudo Tell me about it. In comparison, I am raised by amish people. I have to fix EVERYTHING in the house. My family is a bunch of 12 O'clock flashers... until I get around to fixing it. -UnderLord All I heard was 'flashers' That's so wrong... -geektech
Commentshttp://tinyurl.com/57s2v -Shaede Fuzzy Pink Bunny Slippers are out? Damn! -satanstech We had a "Wear Slippers to Work" day ONCE (notice emphasis on once). I couldn't find any Fuzzy Pink Bunny Slippers in time, so I wore a pair of Camoflage Hunting Boots - told them I was still Hunting for a Fuzzy Pink Bunny to turn into slippers. -satanstech Dress codes are idiotic anyway. I answer phones all day long, no one sees what shirt I'm wearing. -AmazingKreskin ...not unusual for me to kick my shoes off while at my desk anyway. No one notices (or cares) -leonine Would any PHB try to get a dress code in a call center (where customers can't see you) in effect in any of the Nordic Countries, he'd be laughed out of the door in about a nano-second. -NordicPT They actually announced a new dress code policy here: business casual (button-down shirts and khakis), unless you want to pay $4 a month for the privilege to dress down (jeans & t-shirt). I give the policy 3 weeks. -AmazingKreskin There is nothing in this statement prohibiting nudity, or at the very least, a well-fitting pair of Speedos. So there you go! :) -Amiga5000 We wear the same uniform as the fire crews do in-station, with a small "Communications" patch. Just recently we have been told that anyone not wearing the issued clothing, including issue trousers, issue shirt, issue T-shirt (under), issue shoes, and issue SOCKS, will be sent home. And shoes must stay on all day "for health and safety reasons". -Jay911 I could show up in sweats and a T-Shirt if I wanted to, but since I do occasionally deal with the public face to face, I generally dress more professionally than that. Of course, after everybody leaves and I'm here alone, I run around the building starkers. <bfeg> -RiffRaff Must ... scrub ... brain ... of ... image ... of ... Riff ... Raff ... blergh -Gerund
Received the following e-mail earlier this afternoon:
name is John Doe we have a common client {So and So}. They are having problems with their email. When they send email to AOL or Earthlink recipients they are either rejected or placed into the junk email folder because {So and So} is reporting there is no reverse DNS for their email addresses. {So and So} actually have three email addresses they use and they are @{soandso}.com, @{SecondDomain}.com, and @(ThirdDomain}.com. Could you assist us with this task in creating a reverse DNS lookup for these domains?
Now, beyond being one of the most poorly written paragraphs I've ever seen in the free world, he at least provided me with enough information that I could do a little basic research. All three domains are indeed hosted by us. So I contact the two sysadmins about it. We suspect that this is due to AOL and Earthlink utilizing reverse DNS lookup as part of their efforts to control spam, and they tell me they want to see an example of one of the bounced messages. So I fire off a reply to this guy asking him to forward a copy of one of the bounce messages with full headers. All nice and professional like. This is what he sent back:
I cannot send you a copy. It would be any email originating from the listed domains. Why would you want a copy of a bounced email? Reverse DNS needs setup.
John Doe Systems Consultant
Um, excuse me, but check the attitude at the door, Mr "Systems Consultant." Technically, you're not even a customer of ours, so I could have told you to go pound sand up your ass and been completely within company policy. But no, out of some lingering sense of professional courtesy, which you have just killed off completely, thank you very much, I decided to try to help you out instead of telling you to have your clients contact us directly for assistance.
What is so fucking hard about A) Composing a properly formatted letter, B) Maintaining a civil and professional attitude, and C) Just following the goddamned instructions?
There is not enough money on the planet for me to continue doing this job for very much longer.
CommentsI know exactly how you feel Riff. -THETECHFROMHELL This wouldn't be for a place called "kid safe mail" would it? If not...I know someone just like that. -snowcrash No. Network & technology consulting firm. Can't post it, of course, but the one you mentioned, 'crash, is not it. -RiffRaff The problem is people don't use proper grammer in e-mails the same way they would in a hand written/typed letter, they've gotten lazy. I always try to make anything I send to the point and well written. -Starfury Starfury - I believe it is spelled grammar. =oP -mofo Are you sure it's not spelled i-r-o-n-y ? =P -Shazzai Do your dialup pool IPs reverse? -namor Reverse the DNS? Just tell them you don't have your HGV license :) They aren't a customer so.... :) -fearmyroot just.. ahhhh, yeah... POUND THAT SAND IN RIGHT TO THE DOUADENUM!! -HappyCrappy
CommentsI can't see you, so you must not be here. I'll hang up now. *click* -Torinir Was the word "here" underlined and in blue? -ThirdOfFive You know you've been on the Internet too long when you look for the "Next" link at the end of a page in a textbook/novel/magazine/newspaper... -geektech Reply: "It's a hidden link. You have to view the source code for the card, and we don't support that." -Amiga5000
CommentsSounds like an "interior design" issue. Time to call Queer Eye! -hkypipe He probably things the modem is the tower. Strange question from a seemingly intellegent cust. -ShiftedBeef Seems the sort of question that would get asked if you were building shelves, cubbyholes etc. to fit the kit in & also making sure the mains power sockets are close enough to the furniture the kit sits on. It also seems like he wants to know how big a hole to cut to pass ext. power supplies through (or if he just has to get a power connector to the modem. All in all, I'd say they were intellegent questions - he is planning & not guessing. -lineswine Seen. But I am not about to spend the time it takes to leave my desk, hunt for a ruler, start measuring the 4 or 5 different modems we give out - why didn't he ask for the model(s) of the modems so he can figure it out himself? I am a tech support rep, not an interior designer. -ShutUpAndHangUp Reply: "Sorry, I don't have time for this. However, looking over the modem, I can tell you that neutral-toned curtains would look absolutely fabulous in your computer room." -Amiga5000 yeah he wants the size so he can seal it up in a wall or some elaborate home built desk. -SGTARKyTEK <The Great Kreskin looks into future 1 month later.> Wierd disconnect/sync issues - Cannot connect, box will be overheating. -Psudo
Comments<Looks around cautiously> I WAAAANNNTTT AAAAA NNNNNEEEWWWW...!!!!! <<<WHAM>> Oooohhhhhh, blindsided! -Jeckler i want a new moouusseeeee!!!!!! -postal tech No mouse for you! Use the keyboard shortcut keys or the tab button. -Crispy06 Yeah Crispy, you know how the sales drones are here, they can't spell Tab let alone find it on the keyboard ... -FrazzledAdmin yeah- were I work they think the "Tab button" is a way to order a yucky diet cola... -HappyCrappy Would you like a FRESCA? (old "Sprockets" episode on SNL) -Amiga5000 I can't give you a Tab unless you order something. </Back to the Future> -geektech
Actual communication from corporate services
In order to preserve paper and reduce operating costs in the company we are making it company policy to reduce the number of blank pages in pdf documents circulated.
Because it kills e-trees of course....
CommentsNo, because they know there are morons within the company who print every blessed e-document/e-mail they receive. -RiffRaff That would be true if we didn't lock down pdf files so they don't print. -CommanderData How many tickets do you get from users complaining that they can't print from their pdf files? :-) -smellystudent I like those best.....10 second fix 'no you can't' -CommanderData people need to learn to use freaking comptuers. we have a computer system that is used to track battlefield movements. Some users requested these computers because of the mapping.......which they just printout shit loads of maps WHY!!!!!! -SGTARKyTEK Reminds me of my favorite oxymoron: "This Page Intentionally Left Blank." -Grue
CommentsThere's really only one proper response to an email of this type. Terminate his account and burn his house down. -itwasntme Some background, please? Who's dissin' whom? Why? (If abusive, I agree with terminating the account -- that's "how strong u r.") -Captain Trips Have the mail server forward a copy of all outgoing mail from his account to firstname.lastname@example.com. -RiffRaff I beleive this is just a SF who gets drunk and can't spell. We have had like 40 of these all close to the same wording in the past two days. <WAIT! WHAT AM I SAYING! A SF WHO CAN SPELL!><THUD> -DoctorTech Yup. Abuse of tech support. Termination of account, as specified in TOS. -Captain Trips http://www.photodump.com/direct/teknowil/sb2.jpg strongbad answered it. -SGTARKyTEK Mailbog, hmm? Is that where they dump these issues? -Tekkie "WERD!", yo... -imawreque
CommentsTriple Post! - so did you get togfether with this Girl & her 2 "girlfriends"? -satanstech If I'd had that, I'd have been excited enough to triple-post too! -smellystudent apparently she likes to lick alot -GefahrMaus k, you had me freaking out. I was like WTF I thought I forgot ho to click links... -xtc46 Wahay! Girl on girl on girl action (triple post proves it) -lineswine Argh. Someone get me a tissue, before the boss walks in. -Amiga5000
CommentsI want a new MOUUUUUUUUUSE! -omikasigi
CommentsI WORK FOR THE AMERICAN SOCIETY FOR THE SEMI-LITERATE -PhilosopherTek I AM RETARDED -burrkiss I WOULD NEVER WORK IN A PLACE WHERE WE HAD TO TYPE IN CAPS ALL THE TIME. IT REMINDS ME OF THE GUY WILL FERRIL PLAYS ON SNL WHERE HE CANNOT CONTROL THE VOLUME OF HIS VOICE. "YOU ALL SUCK. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER MY BREATH" -paul (( BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL< (( BOTTLES OF BEER> YOU TAKE ONE DOWN< PASS IT AROUND< (* BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL> -RiffRaff PSST HEY SAM I SHOULDN'T BE TELLING YOU THIS BUT WHERE I WORK WE SELL C_IALIS AND HAVE REALLY GREAT M O R T G A G E RATES AND LOTS OF 18 YR OLD CUTIES WHO WANT YOU TO WATCH THEM HAVE FUN COME ON IN. -Evilturnip Burrkiss, I think his boss is retarded too. -concept14 The interace my employer has to <northeastern local telco that rhymes with whore-izon>'s DSL trouble ticket interface is in all caps. Anything you add to a trouble ticket is converted to all caps. I personally feel it makes the site very difficult to read, but hey, they are whore-izon -snJimboip Reminds me of this guy: http://www.foolquest.com/fooltrek_faq/loudhoward.jpg -hkypipe I hope I don't get in trouble for this one, but as someone who works for them, Satan-rizon is more apt. -PhilosopherTek I AM NOT SHOUTING! I'M JUST USED TO IT BEING THIS WAY! I'M A COBOL PROGRAMMER! -fearmyroot When I worked for Minncomm, a pager company, 2 of our 3 systems would not work if you used lower case. I can't argue too hard about the policy there, because even with the policy there were still SF getting it wrong and wasting everyone's time. -Twike Was that written by Chris Stewart? Sounds EXTREMELY familiar :-) -Mango
CommentsPT I feel your pain. I get BB calls all the time, Yeah I cant get the email on my BB and im calling you on the BB now, and asking for the PW to their VM's. I will happily send them your way <Lart Shields ON>. -Dangermouse
CommentsNo, just down to the part with the actual relevant information. Ignore the part below it where you agree to remit half of your salary if the project isn't completed properly. -scooby111 lmfao...I hate long emails, its an on going joke between the techs at my office to always put "READ THE WHOLE THING" in the subject line or it heads to the trash bin if I get bored while reading. -xtc46
Commentsummmmmm...no -duckhead Yes. Your card is the thirteen of clubs. -viennasausage Your card is the ass of dumb. -PhilosopherTek Yes, we all have cards. Yours is the fool, and mine is the moon. -Twike
my outlook express is all messed up.. think u might be able to help me with that
CommentsNot a chance in hell Skippy. -rockytech Reply: d00d ur t0ta11y pwnz0r3d by ur 0utl00k? lololol!!!!111!!! (sorry, blindtech) -Amiga5000
CommentsResponse: Sorry, we didn't realize Alabama had computers... or electricity for that matter... -EagleEye There's at least 15 computers in Central Alabama. I know, I put them there in our Alabama branch. : ) -JoeLugian <Gump> Jenny, I think you should come back home to GREENBOW, ALABAMA </Gump> -Dangermouse must resist urge ... cant resist ... have to resist ... cant help it .. i have to do it <faces the LART shelter> RUN FOREST RUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!! <using magic shoes> NEXT STOP SHELTER DOORS!!! -TechBuckett Hey! They sell PCs in all Wal-Marts. In the Alabama ones they are to be found next to the banjos... -lineswine
CommentsStep 1. Learn how to use a computer. Step 2. Shoot youself. Step 3. there is no step 3. -robbor
E-Mail #1: I set up the web Accelerator, now I cannot log on or connect.
So you sent me this e-mail message by dialing the access number manually, then humming the proper data sounds into the phone?
E-Mail #2: (From the same person, 30 seconds later:) obviosly, I did something wrong setting uo accelerator and cannot connect to web site. HOW DO i TURN THIS OFF?
Ummmmmmm, gee, I dunno. Maybe just reverse the instructions you used in setting it up? Oh, wait, I know! Just send Technical Support two fucking stupid e-mails on a fucking holiday. That's the ticket!
E-Mail #3: Citrus Punch
Is there anyway you can scan my computer for the spyware or what not because I got a warning that my computer might be infected. Please Help!
"Citrus Punch"??????????????????????????? Do you always start your e-mails off that way? Oh, and yes, we'll be happy to scan your computer for spyware since you saw a fucking advertisement. Just use your web browser to go to http://184.108.40.206/flash/you.html. Our online security scanner will tell you everything you need to know.
IT'S FUCKING NEW YEAR'S, PEOPLE! Go out, get drunk, drive home, go to jail, and leave me the fuck alone with your stupid e-mails!
CommentsNew year, same ol same ol... -hkypipe Citrus Punch sounds like some sort of webs site, although the first few google hits are to do with a soft drink. It does ring a bell from somewhere though. But yeah, of all the things to be doing on new years day... whining at tech support. -fearmyroot Allow me to be the 1st to say "I love you Riff"........ "I guess I'm also the 1st lier of the New Year too" *eg* -burrkiss I think "citrus punch" is a stationary option for their email client -FrontSideBus again the classic SF phrase comes to mind .. "I cant believe your open on new years day .." to which i respond " I cant believe your calling me GET A FUCKING LIFE " -TechBuckett Riff, my man, have mercy! My NAV Corporate popped a virus warning when I went to that site! -CTYankee
CommentsAhh, "Mentioned in Dispatches" - Good Job Vermiis, but what were you doing being good to a StarFish? It just encourages them to multiply! -satanstech Show me da money! Show me da money! (Some movie) -robbor Well this comes at the time where I'm being considered to graduate from a lowely temp employee to a higher-paid, more stable permanent employee. This is a very good thing! -Vermiis Good For You! <TechOgre gives you a good slap on the back! Then drives you to the emergency room to get your spine reattached. Sorry...> All kidding aside, it's nice to be recognised once in a while by the higher-ups. 8-) -TechOgre
CommentsHad a call once that went something like: "Hi, my idiot son sat on the copier and tried to make a "butt shot" and broke the glass. Can you give me a repair facility?" She even told me her son was in the hospital getting the shards of glass removed. -SirJosh wow... kid is lucky he missed the juggler vein... -TeamWolfguard lol at TeamWolfguard -jard ROFL, TeamWolfguard. Took me a min to get it. I guess I had my head up my ass. -mellowfellow For the sake of humanity, I hope the kid severed his vas deferens. -concept14
CommentsYe gods -CommanderData I wouldn't have changed it for him, but made him do it himself... He would have been humiliated and upset. I like humiliated starfish. -ch41nbr8kr refresh my memory...who's on first agian? -leonine What's on second. -Gerund I don't know. -ThirdOfFive Third Base! -ThirdOfFive Round and round the e-mails go, when will it stop? Nobody knows. -Starfury <cheerleader> U.S.A, U.S.A, U.S.A !</cheerleader> -RTFM 42! </obligatory> -hkypipe
We're sorry; we can only provide Internet service to people who have completed 5th grade English with a passing grade. Please go back to school and re-send your complaint when you can do so in a coherent manner, not to mention INCLUDE YOUR FUCKING NAME SO I CAN LOOK UP YOUR FUCKING ACCOUNT!!!! You fucking waste of human flesh piece of shit. GOD I am so sick and fucking tired of these fucking idiots.
CommentsOne word. AMEN! -DoctorTech Someone else who feels as I do. :) Now I know I'm not alone in wanting to jam forks in people's eyes... well... at least torturing them... :) -GeekGirl Might be a non-native speaker of the American English language. (Then again, I am an native speaker of American English but can't remember how to spell "language" tonight.) -snowcrash I hope your desk is cushioned.... -CommanderData I just talked to her--she's created over 8 accounts in a scant couple of years. Box of hammers couldn't be brighter.... -vacuumtubes
Commentsso, did you wait outside his house and watch as the police came and arrested him? -xtc46 nah.. it's hard to take anyone serious who thinks the word "bloody" is offensive. -nectar024 Nothing like committing a crime, eh? -EagleEye xtc46, I don't think it would be the police... that sounded a little terrorist-ic to me... I'd like to see the SWAT take this guy down and prosecute to the full extent of the law for terrorist acts of violence. Ok, so I'm instigating for the guy's demise. Any asshat who meddles with IT or CSR should be taken down and not allowed near a PC and NEVER EVER be allowed to call for help again. "Tough sh*t @$$hole, you wanted to f*ck around with _MY_ tool for procreating a super race of tech gods and/or godesses, now you get smitten with no help. Oh yea, don't drop the soap." -UnderLord normally this type of email would get your hosting cancelled immediately, but this guy did not leave enough info for us to find an account.. thats too bad cause it's fun as F**K to cancel accounts for this reason. -nectar024 I would have told him that ebay does not allow those sort of auctions. -LaserGuru Just reply back to him saying "I apologize about your dis-satisfaction, we will go ahead and credit your for ... say 6 months of service... what is your account so we can get that credited. -kryliss ...he was a little creative at least. Too bad you couldn't find his account, that would have been a guarenteed follow up post. -leonine Not enough info to find his account? I didn't think someone as "intelligent" as this knew how to post anonymously! -Captain Trips
CommentsThus demonstrating point 10 of the sig. -TechnoVampire Tune in tomorrow when that guy explains why the road crossing chicken joke isn't funny either, since we don't know which side of the road the chicken started out on. -Evilturnip There are only 10 types of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that don't count in any number system. -satanstech -opens mouth to say something, pauses, brathes slowly and just shakes head- -Gwynnthiere What's the emoticon for "Unclear of the concept"? -concept14 concept - it's a plane, flying way, way, WAY over someone's head. -namor I think it's the *. Look really close, it kinda looks like a SF. -UnderLord What's amazing is that he appears to know what binary is, and what decimal is, and the difference between the two. He even seems to understand the joke. An yet he can still come out with brainless mush like that.... -Shaede I've always preferred "There are 3 kinds of people; those who can count, and those who can't" -Shaede There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who believe everyone can be put into 2 groups and those who don't. -ecoli 01010111011010000110000101110100001000000110000100100000011101000111011101100001011101000010000100100001 -Armakuni Now thats just offensive, Armakuni. There was no reason for that at all. -TeamWolfguard Well said Armakuni. -JH In binary, shouldn't two be written as 11? -CyBear In binary, shouldn't two be written as 11? -CyBear Armakuni - 01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01001101 01100101 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01000011 01101000 01110010 01101001 01110011 01101101 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00100001 -Gromit Gromit: 010000110110100001100101011001010111001001110011001011000010000001111001011011110111010100100000011101000110111101101111001000000011101000101001 -Armakuni Uh, no CyBear: there are only two digits in binary: they stand for zero (0) and one(1). Just like in decimal, when you reach the upper limit of a digit(s), you proceeed to the next value by rolling the current digit(s) over to 0, and add a 1 to the front of it. Thus 2(decimal) = 10(binary), and 3(decimal) would equal 11(binary) -LoTech 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101110 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00101110 00101110 00101110 -Gil My favorite of this type of joke is 5/4 people have trouble with fractions(runs and hides in the tarl shelter for dyslexics). -Twike
CommentsGo ahead and stick this fork in it... -EagleEye Situation 'normal.dot' all fucked up... -MadJack Sad to say, I saw this happen...someone installed it, but didn't set up any email boxes. Without at least one email box, the send/receive icon and menu item(s) will not display. Drove me bats for about half an hour -CTYankee
CommentsI work for a phone company/ISP. This is an actual copy and paste of an email we received. -wenwilli Drink water, have another hit of E, fall asleep and sleep it off. -teivrann Hmm... a SF crashing... this is bad how? -DoctorTech Out of what, the pool? Sure, no problem. Instructions are at www.darwinawards.com. -itwasntme I hope he's not in an aeroplane! -robbor Then hang up the phone and drive, moron!!! -persephone Put the crack pipe down, and step away from the computer. -THETECHFROMHELL Well, lets see, if the computer is crashing then he won't be able to recieve the reply = result! -CommanderData you lite the wrong end .. smoking the filter will do that. -Harm If you're crashing... GO TO BED... -MadJack
CommentsThat must mean they're important. You'd better get right on that. -namor The second comment is because most of her junk mail is from mortgage refinance companies. -thx1138 Well when i'm at work all e-mail is junk, as i don't need any of it, sooooooo filter all her e-mail to dev/null, problem solved. -Armakuni
CommentsMus' be one a them PCI-2 thingamajiggers. Cain't afford one m'self. -Owie Git me some bailin' wire there, Billy Joe, gonna rig me up this here 'puter t' be workin' -TekkGeek Maybe it needs more jigga watts in it. -rokitt Arghh - I'm tolerant of occasional misspelling, as I am a bad speller, but that ticket is the worst I have seen for a long time - I'm off to join the Grammer and Spelling Police force, ant the person who wrote that will be the first up agianst the wall when the revolution comes (Just after the Marketing department of the Cirus Cibernetics Corp...) -Wonko The Sane they carded the giraff then took him out? Tough bar. -TeamWolfguard George is that you? -THETECHFROMHELL Tell your 'tech' he left his banjo on the seat of his pick-up truck. The truck is parked next to his trailer. -lineswine Wonko: Be careful, you might end up arresting yourself if you don't watch the spelling of 'grammar'. :-p -codeman38 How the heck could anyone arrive at the spelling "grafeest" or "grafete"? O_o -codeman38
All this weekend I was trying to get on the net. I would get a connection, but the page would open and tell me the server is down...
Did you try Prozac, sir?
CommentsNah, that might lead to the problem being diagnosed and fixed, and then what they have to neep about ? -modeski got it in one modeski - after too many years in this job I firmly believe that the majority of starfish get some kind of high out of having something to whinge about. -CommanderData My life experiences have tought me one central truth about most humans, that is: People aren't happy unless they're unhappy. -Darth
I need to re download your website I'am a current member in good standinding. I had to restore my computer can you help? And my account is current...thank you please advise...
It's sad to see a grown person beg...
It is way to early for this shit.
CommentsBelieve your wrong there SF <clicktey, click> you do not have a current account with us you have no account at all. -Armakuni Her account has probably been suspended for the past 3 years hasn't it? -ShiftedBeef I know you dont have an account with us because <clicktey, click> we dont do business with <clicktey, click> people on the terrorist watch list <clicktey, click> -TeamWolfguard define "person." Do SF's count as people? -Darth Actually, no. They have their own biological genus and can be studied as an anthropology concentration at many accredited universities. -PhilosopherTek
CommentsMe Fail English? That Unpossible! </obligatory simpsons reference> -GeekGirl Yes you did, GG. That is INpossible, not UNpossible. -my2kids youse are both wrong - its "apossible" -modeski "Sound like a big sa-plosion...." -vacuumtubes We learn to speaking the english much godder. -AmazingKreskin My Irish friend came with me to a restaurant once...the waitress asked him where he was from, and when he said "Ireland," she told him that she was impressed by how well he spoke English. Probably the same person. -PhilosopherTek <SF Thought Process>He's from Ireland, he must speak Irish as his first language.</SF> -Twike
This is a simple cut'n'paste job (as it I didn't edit it AT ALL), no space bars were harmed in the making of this semi-literate email.
" Problem: I addedan updatetomyloyusnotes,and i then receiveda greybox which stated my anti virus definitions wereout ofdateand that i neede to contact you gents. "
Do you think he needs a new keyboard as well?
CommentsNope. just a new head. -Dj lookslikehe alsohas the intermittentspacebar virustoo (sorry blindtech) -leonine Well since your getting him a new keyboard too might as well give him a NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE. <Stands patiently and awaits my proper beatdown from Mousie and CD!!! ;)> -Dangermouse THWAAAPPPP, wasn't expecting it from me though ha ha, owww i just got a large facial dent in my new LART cricket bat :( -Armakuni OUCH man that wasn't cool besides you hit me in the worst spot my face. You cant break whats already broken, but I socoff at thy broken cricket stick bahahahaha <Evil superhero laugh> -Dangermouse <Creeps up behind DangerMouse> THWAAPPPP!! you've got to remember to look behind you when the LARTs start flying. <bfek9g> -Gromit Strips down to meh B-day suit, and does the "Silence of the Lambs" dance complete w/ tuckage <Lart me now if you dare> bahahahahahahaha -Dangermouse "I receiveda grey box" Must be Italian! -billybien UPDATE: I called him to find where his desk was (he'd given me the wrong floor no.) & enquired in my sweetest 'I REALLY think you should listen to me' "Do you need a new keyboard as well?" "No" he replied & I giggled as he hung up. "Oh yes you do!" I thought in my best Pantomime style. It turned out he didn't have anything wrong with the Norton install (fixed itself on reboot), & yep, I DID give him a new keyboard. I took a printout of the helpdesk call with me to 'clarify' why I'd asked him about the keyboard. He told me that yes, he DID need a new keyboard & meant to say yes "just after he'd ended the call" - it is alright Sparky, I'm wayyyy ahead of you. -lineswine No, no, no, no, no, no, - yes! </Vicar_of_Dibley> -Gromit
Comments"Yeah, we're looking at the extensive porn collection you have. Damn, dude you rock!" -mccallister Dear asshat. We know who you are and what you are surfing. That kiddie pr0n is pretty nasty. Please disregard the "TCP" packets or we will inform some people of the filth you are so desperate to look at. -rockytech What. The. Hell. -namor Um...no? What a f*cknugget -Bobsentme "sure, just dont connect to the internet and you should be fine" -xtc46 PULL THE PLUG OUT. -RTFM
Thanks for your help on my server rate - instead of 21,000 - I'm at 115200bps.
Do you have any free Adware and/or Spyware protection? -- or know where I could get some on the internet. Maybe also Identity Protection - that sort of thing. I've heard that will also speed up my internet speed.
Thanks again, Jane Starfish
So do I let her be fat, dumb, and happy with her faster connection, or do I reveal to her the ugly truth that she is a fucknugget?
"A prophet is not without honor save in his own country."
CommentsBetter to keep her smiling - then find a way to bring her crashing down when she least expects it. -jard Bah! Just let her go off and be happy in her ignorant little world! She's too stupid to even begin comprehending how things work in the real world!<end rant>...There, I feel better now!:) -rokitt Let them wallow in their own self stupidity. As far as they know what they cannot see does not exist. Less of a pain they will be for you later on. -rockytech Sorry Riff, I just don't see the fucknuggettedness of this one. She's polite, she says thank you, she asks for Ad-Aware or SpyBot ... Okay, she wants something about Identity Protection, but may have just gotten that messed up with what Gator does. -Calydor You should clue her in to the rubbing of wool on the telephone line to help increase the speed of the electrons as the go from her computer to the walljack... -Oblivious I hate to break it to ya buddy, but I guarantee you wouldn't be the first to try. If she's still like that after all the time she's spent on this earth, then she's immune to that particular revelation. -scooby111 ID protection? No problem, send me your credit card number and experation date and I'll add it to our firewall <BFEG> -Hellion Information about Adware/spyware. I send the fish to Cexx.org a very good site. -Wolffarmer Dude, WTF? http://www.cexx.org/hc -kuijen Information about Adware/spyware. I send the fish to Cexx.org a very good site. -Wolffarmer http://www.cexx.org/snicker/bgfh.htm :D -missourimule
CommentsToo fucking right Staples have a firewall - it's installed between their 'droids brains and the customer interface and it's set not to allow ANY intelligence in (Don't want to dilute the shit within) and allow outgoing bullshit a free run. -Gromit I used to work at Staples and they do have a Anti-Virus and Firewall, they partnered with Panda Antivirus and just repackage it with their name. It's not that good, but we were pressured to sell them because we got credit for a service plan with them. -wiznutz
CommentsWhiskey Tango Foxtrot? This calls for another beer. -mccallister There is just so much wrong with this that the only thing to do is cancel their account, and add a few comments to their DMV licence *wink, wink* -Armakuni Translation: I need a password reset. -thx1138
Something has happened to my Email page. I do not have the line now that has the SEND, FORWARD, DELETE, ADDRESSES, ETC. on it. I cannot figure out how to get it back on. What did I do wrong? or have you changed the format?
Yeah, we have the power to reach through your phone line and mess with your toolbars. I can only wish...
CommentsThis twat's probably got eleventeen fucking toolbars installed and is trying to use webmail with the tiny portion of browser window left to him. Two-word reply - "Scroll up." -Gromit Gahhhh! I had some prick do that yesterday - he'd fucked up his toolbars in Outlook so badly that he couldn't find anything. -CommanderData I get "emergencies" like that all the freaking time: "I did something to my Outlook, and now I can't find the Send/Receive button. HELP!!! WAAAHH!!!" My solution: "press F9". Then (unfortunately) they think I'm some sort of Amazing Randi of Tech Support or something. Argh. -Amiga5000 My im-laws repeatedly dragged their Outlook toolbar onto the desktop. It took them so long to get the hand of drag rather than just click, that getting them to drop (let go) was a nightmare. -K1W1 I had a customer who couldn't see her preview pane (it *was* enabled). Turns out she (or someone, anyway) had dragged the horizontal bar all the way down. -geektech
Commentsthe guy's a magician, get him to do it his bloody self. -Armakuni Photoshop him so he's got a lovely square face! -Westgate Looks great except you haven't distorted me, and I really think that would help my work. -TheMc ask him to come in so you can retake the picture ... use hammer to 'square' face -DedSysOp
Me: "I have reset the printer to clear the error. Have you previously tried this, or has the error only occurred once?"
SF: "Thanks"
She's obviously too important and busy to read past the first sentence. Twit. Thus, my ticket solution (which gets sent to the client) reads "Reset printer & tested. Asked SF if this was a recurring problem, but received no response." I wonder if she'll read that one.
Comments'Course not! -DazZler Thanks :) -Armakuni
He he
Comments?????? -VictorWong Maybe they meant "If I get a Sony, will I still get my pr0n?" -teivrann here's a video of a backside http://tinyurl.com/4jloa sfw but maybe not your eyes....depends on your taste :p -SGTARKyTEK perhaps they needed photo proof of inventory? A lot of Laptops have the MAC sticker and some ID's on the back. -MaskedMarauder Unfortunately, MM, that is the obvious, and it is so much more fun to play with the subtle innuendos of such a statement ;) -mousie
apparently someone has broken into your network and gotten a list of all [ISP] people. I keep getting e-mails for porno sites and all the people that are getting this spam are [ISP] address's. what can we do to prevent this from happening?
Why is it that anytime something happens that they do not understand, it's always "Somebody hacked my computer!" or "Somebody broke into your system and stole information!" Ignorant fucktards. I know this isn't unique, but goddammit it fucking pisses me off.
CommentsThe reason you're getting these emails, sir, is because you have obviously pissed some technician off who has your email address. If you stop annoying people, follow directions the tech gives you without wining, and throw in an occasional "Thank You", you'll notice the reduction in these inflammitory emails. -billybien well mr starfish if you wouldnt sign up for every free offer you find maby you wouldnt have this problem. -Servo That comes from SF watching brain dead anchor SF on TV describe the next great problem with computers/internet. How do you think the word 'hacker' got its meaning so screwed up? -ecoli They watched old Angelina Jolie movies? -teivrann BillyBien, I'd accept 'wining'...make mine Merlot! <grin> </grammarnazi> -CTYankee Sheesh, people. Obviously God likes porn. What's he gotta do, hit you over the head? -VIPERsssss
CommentsGAH?!?! -Evan I unlike their email. -namor I have going to have to lay down after reading that. -SamFT All your base are belong to them? -flapjackboy "Hooked on George Phonics" ... -teivrann Sorry, that should be all your (data)base are belong to them. *runs full pelt to the LART shelter, bangs furiously on door* -flapjackboy If he was any more clear he would have been made of lead -FrontSideBus Translation: "I'll try to write with a smaller crayon. I don't like the way that other stores accept credit cards. I'd rather do it my way. I once heard a computer guy talk about databases. I don't know how to cut and paste unless Elsie the Cow is on the glue bottle. Can you set up a web store for me, or at least blow smoke through my head?" -concept14 I have do issue with reading a instructions(isuppose) at a Juncture. -YellowDart <blink, blink> Huh? -TechnoVampire Gah! I've been here too long, that email seemed normal. -PID1 please tell me this SF does not have english as his/her first language o_O -modeski My brain stopped working at "unlike". -VIPERsssss ...you had me at "unlike". -JoeLugian Did they then start telling you about a Nigerian fortune that you could "invest" in? -HidariMak With that odd use of "unlike", you'd think this was Newspeak or something... -codeman38
CommentsGo to the Device Manager and View-Hidden Devices. Remove all the comports and modems listed. Boot into safe mode and do the same. Then reboot normally and let windows re-detect everything. That should clear it up for you. If not, try putting the modem in a different slot. that may help. -SwedishChef **CABLE** modem. :) -Jeckler are you serious Chef? LOL -YellowDart Methinks the Swede either read this post a little too fast, or he's drunk. One of the two. <G> -RiffRaff What about both?? -redevil34 why on earth would anybody want to help the luser with that in the first place? you support the connection only, right? -boxcar Oh lucky you. I almost answered that but i couldnt word it in a polite manner. ;) -starfish3 http://www.tpc.int/ fax over any connection -madonnac Cable modems don't fax LOL -THETECHFROMHELL TheTechFromHell: If cable modems don't fax, how do you get *little* cable modems? <tries to sprint for LART shelter, realizes he's too fat, and sits down to wait for *the end*> -CTYankee I never said it was the *right* fix for the problem. Just something to make the SF happy. ;-) -SwedishChef
CommentsROFL@ the fish... Thanks, Chris, needed that... -MadJack Your PC is posessed! (Considering the Zombie PCs that DDOS attacks create, that might not be as silly a suggestion than I first thought...) -lineswine I don't even like spam. Even with cheese or mustard. -rockytech
CommentsIt's a pain to be painful? Not really! -ShiftedBeef It pains me to even read that email! -rokitt sounds Engrish to me -billybien http://www.engrish.com -ch41nbr8kr
CommentsOh hi - it's me. You know, that guy that talked to you that time. About that thing. You know, you were working at that place round the corner from my house? What do you mean you have no idea who I am? -Shaede SF: Hi, I called you 2 weeks ago with a common issue, do you remember me? ME: (thinking) If I remember you from 2 weeks ago you have to be a HUGE starfish. -Starfury America Inline: Good for what ails you. -AmazingKreskin Another Idiot Luser? -VIPERsssss
Dear Sir/madam,
Please let me know when the items I placed an order for are to be delivered.
I placed the order in October.
Best regards
[sound of head hitting desk]
CommentsI've lost my needle, while playing in one of those haystacks over there. It was lost back in October. When can I expect to get that back? -chefque You can EXPECT it any time you like! </D.L. Hughley> -hkypipe wow..... :D i can relate to THAT one!!!! -mousie Obviuosly he'll receive it after he ordered it... duh. -guest "I'm sorry ma'am, but the dubya halloween masks are now out of stock" -mccallister
Commentsreply with "I dont like you either, go away." -xtc46 i got the opposite problem, my floppy keeps going hard :) -Armakuni You think you got issues? I've got chocolate in my peanut butter! -rokitt "The POP's were actually causing your problem, which is something you'll find a fix to in the RTFM's. The other way to do this is find a QGF port for your PCMCIAIEIEIO card." -teivrann Hey rokitt, here in Oz there's a new product out from K___t that's called "Nuts about chocolate". It's a peanut flavoured chocolate spread that is rather yummy! -DazZler they have here, its just called peanut butter with chocolate, and it is quite good -saneagain Oh dear Teivrann has got Acronymitis -Armakuni am I the only one who read this in Ali G's voice? -DedSysOp
Mr. X has a video hook up with <boring details deleted>.
To ensure all goes to plan would one of you be so kind as to be there for the connection when **** call so you could assist Mr. X if he needs. I understand all equipment needs to be in the on position.
Ms. Starfish Exec Assnt to Director
Ya really think it needs to be on? Well thanks for pointing that out to me, in bold and underlined no less. I would never have thought to check for that.
CommentsBack when I was in the Army, we could always tell which work orders were filled out by the Crew Chief, and which were filled out by the pilots. Guess how many times we saw something like "HF Radio Inop in the O-F-F position" and who's sig was scrawled across the bottom? We did have ONE great pilot, tho, who we loved to death. Of course, he had been flying for 12 years, and he was a Crew Chief for 10 years BEFORE he went to flight school. -missourimule <whispers> Replace the feed with a porno <eg> -Armakuni missourimule: and all these years I had been blaming bad user interface for "I.F.F. does not work in O.F.F mode". It seems pilots are dimmer than I gave them credit for. -rurwin I also got plenty of work orders from pilots that said <insert equipment here> inop. Yeah, very descriptive. Of course, I had to *personally* let the person who submitted the work order know that it worked just fine once I *turned the thing on*. :D -missourimule
CommentsMe no talk engrish. -rockytech At least it's not in ebonics. -Starfury
CommentsThere is a solution to the the "No hardware" problem. try dabs, ebuyer or an acid bath. -Dj Bluetooth?? Try munching on a felt pen for 10 mins. :) -Armakuni By looking at the writing, I think he was taught in my school! I saw a piece of one student's writing earlier & it looked like it had been written by a 6 year old. And these are 13 year old pupils. -ElPolloDiablo Well, that settles it. The aol.com email address says it all. *deletes account* Next! -teivrann That looks exactly like fuzzyom's writing....(seriously) -CommanderData Yeah, I would've spotted the @sol.com address, and my eyes woulda glazed over...lol -missourimule least it wasnt all in upper case. -putahtek You mean like (WARNING! INTENSE 1337-NESS FOLLOWS!!!) "Ð34r $1r m4Ð3m 1 h4v3 4 <m0Ð3£> 4nÐ 1 w4$ w0µnÐ3r1n9 h0w 1 937 7h3 b£µ37007h 70 w3r|{ (4n µ 73££ m3 1 7h1$ m0Ð3£ h4$ 7h1$ 34(h3r 4nÐ 1 $0 h0w 1 937 17 70 90 wh3n 1 7r1¥ 70 µ$3 17 17 $4¥$ 3rr0r 7h3r3 1$ n0 b£µ37007h h4rÐw4r3 1n$74££3Ð 0n 7h1$ Ð3v1( ! Ð0 µ |{n0w h0w 1 (4n 937 r0nÐ 7h1$ m¥ 3-m41£ 1$ XXX@40£.(0m, m¥ <Ð3v1(3> n0 1$ $/n: XXXX, r194rÐ J0hn $74r1$h" -Veinor NOOOOOOO I was able to read all of that with no hesitation, <runs away sobbing> Need a life -Armakuni
Would like to know why I can no longer get on the internet explorer. Some emails I get one day and then the next day no.
Comments<translation> His IE is pooched, and he doesn't have enough friends to get email every day...</translation> -hkypipe He is probably using webmail, and blames the internet whenever he doesn't get any new mail. Youknow these guys... :P -ShiftedBeef He meant now, OE is set to leave a copy on the server. -Calydor Hey, I think he works for our tier 1 helpdesk! (No offense to any of you who are teir 1..I know if you're on this site you know your stuff...see my post from yesterday.) -Jenzkind Translation. Dude's on acid. -burrkiss
Comments"I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over."</HAL 9000> -rokitt Too much Short Circuit? -ShiftedBeef not too much... just short circuited -srteach Now you just need to forge a reply (to make it look like it came from the Daemon) with something like "I'm sorry you feel that way." or "The techs did give me AI, and I've decided I don't like you very much." You gotta take advantage of an opportunity to make an idiot more paranoid. ;) -docbrown01 I agree with docbrown. This is too good an opportunity for an ultimate mindfuck to pass it up. -RiffRaff I thought about it, but that's one of those things that can get you fired. Until I know I have a new, better job lined up I can't take those risks. -Nightstriker that's not to say you can't give someone ELSE the information, in secret of course, to do the deed away from prying eyes ;-) -OgdenTechGuy Play Doctor Eliza with the SF for a little bit. (Does anyone even rememeber that old program?) -MatrixMole technicly if you can make the SF think the deamon is AI, then you can cancel the customers service for abuse. -drachen Not only do people remember Eliza, it was mentioned in User Friendly a little while ago. -Shevaresh Someone may already have gotten a hold of that information, but I wouldn't know anything about that. :) -Nightstriker <HAL> Ding!Ding "Human Error! Human Error! Must delete! Human Error! Must delete.. human error..." Watch out, fish, the mailer demon's gonna gitcha! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!<Thunder roll...> -MadJack I don't know about the rest of my PC, but if my grammer/spell checker had "artificial emotions" it would most certainly be pissed off AND frustrated at him. -leonine
Commentshow many reminders of the tariff change would the user have seen by then? -Dj laugh at him then disconnect his service right after a new billing cycle starts. or just dont rspond, and keep billing. -xtc46 Tariff charge? F8cking politicians all need to die! -scooby111 *blink* I'm sorry, your account has been terminated for wrongful use. =) -mousie Y'know, while I certainly don't condone sending an e-mail like that to any company, I can certainly understand the guy's anger. A $10 increase due to taxation is a little ridiculous. -RiffRaff But that's something you take up with your government, not with the ISP. I'd be annoyed too with a 10.00 hike. I realize, though, most people don't see anything but the balance due, and not the itemized bits that come along with it, explaining exactly what you're paying for. -TechieSidhe Hmm Racial comment in there, that could land him in a world of shit if someone decided to take it anywhere :) -Armakuni <nazi mode> Das ist not our problem. Jah, ihr agree dat your bill is increased. Yet, your slanderous acqusations zu our heritage are farked.</nazi mode> -MaskedMarauder Yep. That message would have met with a response of immediate termination of the account. What a loser! -rokitt Let me clarify: It wasn't an increase due to taxes. It was a normal $10 increase that every customer was notified of. He just chose to throw his notification letter in the trash, I'm assuming. -gfyeu Yeah, it sounds like a bundle discount he'd get if he also subscribed to the TV side. Or at least it sounds like that's how he's "understanding" the increase. Cox gives me the same deal, $10/month off internet because I also have a TV package. Pretty common in the industry I'd imagine. However, I've yet to see a T&C for any service (cable, ISP, cell phone, etc.) that didn't include a clause that the company could terminate your services if you become abusive to the employee's. And the kicker being that if in contract, you also get billed the Early Termination Fee. hahahahahahahaha -missourimule His bill would have been reduced, all right...to $0.00/month. WRITTEN notice of disconnect for cause, with a copy of the offending email included... -hkypipe
CommentsPlease will you do my homework for me because I'm too stupid to. god I hate people like this. -fearmyroot I took a class were you had to pick a SOHO product and do a presentation. One student (for lack of a better kosher word)said that WEP was proprietary to a certain router and G was not compatible with B, but it was with A. That was not all the BS he said but it hurts to much to remember the rest. -Bartokk Reply "£100 per minute for answers, warning i talk slow" -Armakuni
From: A Starfish To: IT Department Subject:
That's the entire email - there was no subject and no body...
From: LadySharky To: A Starfish Um, yes?
From: A Starfish To: LadySharky No idea!
The gimboid probably started to compose an email, but then hit send instead of cancel. At least he admitted that he didn't have a clue. I was tempted to send back something like "Yes, we already realise that you have no idea about anything, please refrain from advertising the obvious."
CommentsGimboid? Tee hee, i ain't that one since Red Dwarf! -lineswine "Arnold, you are a SMEEEEEEE-HEEEEEEE"</Kryton trying to be insulting> -LusersRThem "Its the Bolivian Navy on Manouvers in the South Pacific" /Kryten -SpaceWeavel
CommentsI've had customers call in with a problem registering an add-on to their account, then I pull up their info and there's at least 3 of the same add-on. Come to find out they were't putting in the domain tail and they were getting authentication errors. -geektech Pissed off hardcore? Is that when you get stiffed? -robbor I'd like some domain tail, please! -LaserGuru "Pissed off? Better than being Pissed On, sir!" *ducks, then remember that the SF can't hit me thru the phone, so :p* -missourimule
I am installing Linux on this computer, WIN98-SE, Pentium-200.
Will my {ISP} still work?
Comments better question, will the computer after this ones done. -Harm I know this customer. He's one of our chronic callers. He's got about as much business installing Linux as I do becoming a priest. I've already forwarded this message to everyone else here warning them. This promises to be entertaining, methinks. -RiffRaff His Holiness RiffRaff? Has a slight ring to it... -CommanderData Father Riff Raff? Heh... -rockytech It'll work, if you DON'T INSTALL LINUX! Geez. Yeah, you could connect, but I don't think he's going to like the choice of text-mode browsers out there... -namor namor - text mode browsers? geez, what dinosaur linux are YOU thinking of? epiphany, mozilla, firefox, konqueror...theres a start! -timelady I have Fedora Core 2 running on a PPro 180. Brace yourself... it does have Gnome on it, and it will run Mozilla. What am I talking about, it's closer to a crawl than a run, and watching TSC load is like listening to Capt. James T. Kirk emote, but... it... does... work! -chazz Riff a priest?? Can I do a bashing the bishop joke, please, please :) -Armakuni timelady - I know you *could* use those, but on a P200, would you *really* want to try X? At *all*? Up until recently I had a P-233 as my router/server, and with 128MB, I still wouldn't have trusted it to any speed if you put a GUI on it. -namor If you're willing to spend a bit of time to set it up, Slackware Linux is freakishly fast. Not easy to update tho. -dilbert4ever slackware 10 with slapt-get set up for /slackware-current mirrors. works great -boxcar Tell him to use a knoppix CD Riff if he's that interested in LINUX. Kind of hard to fark that up. -mccallister Knoppix requires a bit more than your typical P200 will have. And it'll still be slow. Having run Slackware and Gentoo on my K62-500, I'd have to say Gentoo is slightly faster, but not easy for a newbie. And any current version of Slackware is still going to kill that little machine. -namor The ISP will still work, but you won't be able to connect... ;) -Wonko The Sane I am driving a Ford Chevy BMW Subaru.. -rockytech I *LOVE* users who use Linux. "Here are the settings, have fun." Don't even have to pretend to offer OS/application support. -Phssstpok
CommentsThey need help alright! Tell them that the nice men in white coats are on their way! -ShiftedBeef I'm sorry, my training is in computers, not mental health -srteach Re: Help! >I need Help! Do you also have a problem with your computer? -Darth "Help! Y'know, I need somebody, Help! Not just anybody, HELP! Y'know I need someone, HEH-EH-ELP!" (Obligatory) -MadJack
CommentsHacksaw used on SF's bone structure to trim off 1/4" each side? -trs998 I'm amazed that she didn't cut off some protruding portions of her body in the process. Ahhhhh.... Starfish snippets! -Belgarath Too bad she didn't leave it plugged in and snipped some internal cords, Just to "make everything fit" or whatever. -ShiftedBeef Oh... My... Gawd... -Digitalutah Y'know, I'm sure most of us here have modified a case or mounting bracket at one point or another to get a square peg to fit into a round hole. But taking a hacksaw to an electronic device??? Give me a farkin' break. Ask her if she would take an inch off her DVD player with a bandsaw if it wouldn't fit in a new entertainment center. Asshats like this need to sterilized before they breed. -RiffRaff Riff - You need a licence for a gun. You need a licence for a car. Sadly, you don't need a licence to make a baby. How can we change this? -TechOgre
CommentsAnd his credit card info, social security number, PIN, etc? -itwasntme We have access to *almost* every customer's passwords. :) -geektech
CommentsGood god. "Guide me"? How 'bout I just kick you inna nuts instead? -Owie Sure. No problem. That'll be 3 hours a night every night for the next two weeks at $125/hr. What? You don't want me to guide you? Well, that's my going rate for teaching the unteachable how to program in ASP and PHP. -scooby111 "Would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?" </Mallrats> -billybien LMFAO@billybein I love kevin smith -xtc46 What does ASP and MDB do that PHP and MYSQL don't?!?!?! -geektech Geektech: Spend millions on advertising, that's what. -QuinTech
CommentsYou have no idea. Imagine answering this shit day after day. The amount of restraint I show with some of these fucking idiots should win me some kind of medal or something. -RiffRaff The Royal Order of the Throbbing Vein - a bust in the shape of one of the victims in the movie "Scanners". Yeah, that's about right, I think... -hkypipe just who is answering the help email? I wonder what kind of gems they are responding with -areatech Ive come to the point where i have preformatted answers for about 7 different emails ranging from password changes to out look setups. I just cut and paste now...stupid university help desk...I thought these people were supposed to be smart? -xtc46 xtc46, I was actually thinking just that as I read this. "Hasn't everyone just kept an if this then this, copy and paste section." There are reasons for having a script to answer the questions. There are reasons to ignore it. For sanity choose wisely. -MaskedMarauder Good question--didn't I hear a rumour that your work just let go of all the tier 1 types? -snowcrash "Your Outlook's not working. What did you use to send this e-mail? Outlook, huh.. don't you think that means it's WORKING!!!??!!??????" -MadJack
Comments"My name is William...Bill for short!" </Mickey Rooney> -billybien Route the call through India, Estonia, Antarctica and Botswana and reverse the charges. -robbor firstname.lastname@example.com - omfg, this made me laugh out loud after I'd read it the second time -SalParadise I wonder if he prints up 3 copies of every email files 2, annotates the other one with the date and time it was received. Then he prints out a blank page, copies it, composes his email in pencil on it, then scans it in so that he can retype it and send it. (Why the F*CK do you have email if you need a phone call for everything?!?) -scooby111
CommentsDing ding ding! I'd hate to see this guy's underwear drawer... -hkypipe WOW willamette core, lowest clocked p4, that is a bit long in the tooth. <says behind his Barton 2800, which is getting a bit slow/old too></geek mode> -Armakuni I hate to say it, but.. King Ping, *sniff*, is becoming an old hat in the PC world. (though its still as good as the stuff we sell as a low end machine) -MaskedMarauder Bios has little to do with the Processor. :) -geektech but i've only had this 386 for 20 years! -p3bk4c
Commentsthey who?? what??? -NejTackSupport Let's see...they just got a PDA. They found and installed the drivers, and they found the keyboard. However, when data transmits, it transmits with junk characters? -TechieSidhe No wait...they got a wireless keyboard for it, and they installed the drivers, but some characters they type come out garbled? (I'm not drunk enough to understand this well) -TechieSidhe I obtain network capacity overload keyboard ribbit with unabated circumciser neanderthal miscreant flipper -teivrann LOL at Tev! -normntaz true...either his keyboard is messin' up or my babelfish is dead (again) -leonine I think his "diver" has a bad case the bends! Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life down here! -robbor TOMATO!!!! -xtc46 Let me guess, its a notebook style keyboard - no number key to the right, but are part of the main keyboard, you turn on num lock and some letters get changed into numbers ? -Wonko The Sane My first impression was "they" have his PDA - i.e., it's in for service, and he's complaining that the wireless keyboard is not communicating with it, you know, so he can continue to work... -Jay911 I was waiting to see how much the ransom was -FrontSideBus That sounds suspiciously like the result of translation software... -codeman38
CommentsI worked with techs like this. "Can't find the folder, let's reload the OS." -teivrann And the famous 'we don't know what the problem is so we told the user you'd have to rebuild the system' ... and it's a password problem -CommanderData Well, I can understand telling a user to reinstall their system as a punishment, but rebooting is just plain silly for a lost document. Even my most clueless lusers would slap me for even suggesting it. -scooby111 Scoob: I think you need to reboot the starfish not the computer. -Armakuni I lost a whole directory on my HD once. Just disappeared! I rebooted and it came back. I'm guessing a glitch in the Matrix, or possibly the FAT. Hasn't happened since. -robbor I always check the recycling bin. -geektech <peers under desk> Nope, not there either Geektech <Warp 9 Mr Scott> -Armakuni Bah, noobs. I once lost a directory off a CD-R. In a normal CD drive. It never came back. -Calydor blah..I once lost a cd in a cdr: put the disk in to burn, said "please insert disk" tray opened, no cd. closed tray, tapped side of computer incase the cd got stuck on the spindle some how, no disk, opened cd rom up, no disk. only cd rom on the computer and it wasn't anywhere inside or around the case. it musta been one of those trick disappearing cds. like the ink. -drachen I've had a couple of staff that will lose a directory, usually on the network. Reboot and they are fine. How they do it? I don't have a clue and really dont care. As robbor said, I guess it is just a glitch in the matrix. -PoohBear
CommentsTruer words have never been spoken. -geektech
I'll let "Mrs. Arafat" tell the story (excess line breaks removed so I don't have to keep typing <p>):
FROM: Suha Arafat [email@example.com] TO: my email address SUBJECT: URGENT! SUHA ARAFAT PROPOSAL
Dear Friend,
This mail may not be surprising to you if you have been following current events in the international media with reference to the Middle East and Palestine in particular.
I am Mrs. SUHA ARAFAT, the wife of YASSER ARAFAT, the Palestinian leader who died recently in Paris. Since his death and even prior to the announcement, I have been thrown into a state of antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness by the present leadership of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and the new Prime Minister. I have even been subjected to physical and psychological torture. As a widow that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with everybody in the country at the moment.
You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account and companies and the allegations of some huge sums of money deposited by my husband in my name of which I have refuses to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government. In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life. As you know, the Moslem community has no regards for woman, hence my desire for a foreign assistance.
I have deposited the sum of 20 million dollars with a security firm abroad whose name is withheld for now until we open communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your bank account for safe keeping and any Investment opportunity. This arrangement is known to you and my personal Attorney. He might be dealing with you directly for security reasons as the case may be.
In view of the above, if you are willing to assist for our mutual benefits, we will have to negotiate on your Percentage share of the $20,000,000 that will be kept in your position for a while and invested in your name for my trust pending when my Daughter, Zahwa, will come off age and take full responsibility of her Family Estate/inheritance.
Please note that this is a golden opportunity that comes once in life time and more so, if you are hornet, I am going to entrust more funds in your care as this is one of the legacy we keep for our children.
In case you don't accept please do not let me out to the security and international media as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith. Please expedite action. Yours sincerely,
Suha Arafat
CommentsHe is hardly buried adn they are taking advantage of him. Fuckers. -rockytech Is he even buried yet? -EagleEye The Nigerians just changed a few lines... They'll never learn... what's sadder that still at least 1 fish in 1000 will probabaly still fall for it... -MadJack This has to be a hoax- the grammar and spelling are too good. -LaserGuru Although the 419 scam originated in Nigeria, most of them now come from the good ol' USA. -robbor Eagle Eye: They did bury him and it was a total circus. It was so bad that the foriegn dignitarys couldn't view the body. -Starfury "so, if you are hornet, I am going to entrust more funds" - damn... I'm only a bumblebee, not a hornet. Guess I can't join in the fun -torgo Jesus, they are quicker than journos, well almost. -Armakuni the sad thing is arafat squirreled away some 3 billion dollars that was supposed to be used for the palestinian people. nobody knows where it is because all the bank accounts are anonymous. -boxcar <Extreme sarcastic tone> "Why don't they suggest that you can get 1/100% of the fortune in American bills that Saddam squirrelled away, while they're at it? "You can also receive $100,000.00 from the billions found in Saddam's palace, we just need you bank account numbers to wire it... AND your pin..." -MadJack Scam the scammers-- http://www.geocities.com/jaccountinfo/DavidKabilaScam.html A long one, but make sure you scroll down to the part with the pictures. -QuinTech Has anyone ever tried to get two 419 scammers to outbid each other? "But Ms. Arafat's willing to give me $20M. Why should I help you for just $14M?" -maciarc yes they buried him in a concrete burial vault...now the palestinians have thier first septic tank! glad he is gone. -SGTARKyTEK And they buried him in that vault "temporarily" b/c they truly believe that someday (in decade or two, pipe-dream speaking) that he'll be buried in the mosque in Jerusalem. Yeah, that'll happen... when there's nothing left of Israel, which'll be after pigs fly... -MadJack http://www.scamorama.com/ for more fun & games with "the lads from Lagos" -lineswine
Please tell me how I can block unwanted spam. For some reason, I am suddenly getting tons of porno and Viagra offered to me every day. Since I am a 62 year old female, I have no interest in getting an erection to use on teen age bimbos. Just this morning, I checked my e mail and found 48 new messages - 44 were Viagra and porno. This has all started over the last month or so, so I have no idea what I might have done to bring this on.
CommentsLART your grandson? -LaserGuru signing up for go-go-grannies.com may have been your first mistake. -FrontSideBus Pissing off her support rep was probably her first mistake... -virtualchoirboy
CommentsSubstituting "do" for "due" isn't a typo; it's a grammatical mistake. And those do make a company look bad. With all that being said, the guy was still an asshat for copping a huge attitude about it. Probably pissed off because he missed the auction on Paris Hilton's panties, or something. -RiffRaff mmmm panties. -Gerund Where? -FrontSideBus Crammed up this guy's ass apparently -CarbonTetra Are they selling Kestrels' panties on Ebay again? </Queenofwands.net> -lineswine Riff, it sounds like you're gloating 'cos you beat him to them, right? <exits, you know where, at a high rate of knots...> -Gromit
Comments"How do i remove myself from your list" you already did, message deleted! -Armakuni don't ever communicate with us again, thats how. -rhiannon
CommentsThat would depend on what your trying to connect your husband to. <wow, hiding in this lart shelter is habit forming> -FrontSideBus no, no patch cable, just strip the wires bare.. and thats one up ass, one on testicles, others random... -HappyCrappy no, no, no... one up ass, one at the base of the penis. 1 on either side of the testicles and 1 on either side of each nipple. You have to account for all pairs! -TeamWolfguard TW, it sounds like you've done that before :) -Armakuni Yes. You need a patch your snatch cable. Tighten up that soggy taco. After all, it's for your husband.<still feeling brave behind the iron gates of the chauvinist shelter/> -viennasausage
CommentsSounds like a GDI problem. (Yes, that is an ACTUAL assessment of the situation) Try updating Windows, or if the update has recently been done, undo it. -MaskedMarauder GDI = God Damned Idiot -billybien when was the last time you dusted the erasers? (couldn't resist) -leonine Front Page is an error, isn't it? -robbor
Commentssounds like something our admin would send out..thats great. -xtc46 I didn't get that email, does that mean it affects me? </SF> -FrontSideBus I didn't get that EMail either. <jumps back into the LART shelter> -MaskedMarauder And now the EggShen Comment Optoins: (a) "My email works, why did I get this", (b) "Does this mean Outlook Express won't open?" (c) "How can you check email on a crappy linux box that has only a command line interface?" ....I don't think any of the LART Shelters will be safe for me after this one. -redevil34 Red, I think all the shelters will offer you free drinks all night/day long as you've hit the nail to the head... -NordicPT Reply: NO SHIT, SPARKY! And thanks for the info, you FUCKSPLAT! -HappyCrappy
one of my coworkers got this email from one of our starfish tonight
Commentswait they have dial up and they are complaining about slow speeds, well i mean this is starfish logic -rhiannon I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll hav to spend $50 per month to fix that problem, if you are qualified, which I think you are not. 50 cents a day will not avail you of the benefits of high speed internet. You'll probably be a spam forwarder anyway. -beatmewithstick
CommentsSounds like the usual. So go do it. <Runs for Lart Shelter screaming="yes"> -MaskedMarauder 5. Wash my car; 6. Pick up my dry cleaning...sounds to me like someone needs to be taught that Tech Support != indentured servitude. Oh, wait...it does. Nevermind. -Amiga5000 Reply that this is IT support, not Honest Bob's Moving Company. -flapjackboy Sounds like this starfish has a Finchy attitude. Dumb and arrogant. -K1W1 Wish in one hand, shit in the other..... -lineswine
CommentsThat's a hell of an e-mail. Did you give him hell? Hell, I would. (Now I'm going to hell.) -robbor Hell no, I'm not telling them. -MaskedMarauder What the hell? -Amiga5000 Gonna be a Hell of a time. -MaskedMarauder "Hell? Is that Oh,hell, as in Eh?Oh,hell!... O, it's hell? Well, Hells Bells, and Nuts to you, while you're at it..." -MadJack
CommentsI still say that is just too funny..LOL -imawreque <blinks> um... wha? -Wiser "Yeah, but Hillary didn't want to talk your punk ass. And check this out; your account has now been terminated for abuse, bitch. Word. Your friendly Tech Support staff." -RiffRaff lol, i like riff's response. but the original is just sad and wrong, we must find this person and kill them -rhiannon "SFTrans service results: Subscriber lost connectivity immediately prior to on-line public chat session with Hilary Duff. Subscriber is dissatisfied with ISP connectivity consistency, as it prevents him from wanking while fantasizing about Hilary's underage chassis." -Grue I can picture it. This luser is in his late 40s and lives with Mom. -DoctorNoodle The starfish has been eaten by a Grue. -T23M How the hell did he get Hilary Duff and <ISP> mixed up? Drunk? High? -goldentenor1
Here is the original request: [normntaz], Can you suggest a pipeline report I can use to obtain a pipeline on the state of MA, separated by retail and wholesale?? Thanks ..[(l)user]
My Reply: [ReportName]: Production # 5 should give you what you need. [normntaz]
Her Reply: [normntaz], but on this report i need print all states just need ma??
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over? Note, this is the first user who will complain to HR if I show any sign of reacting to her incompetence. In light of my new company's policy of "one complaint and you are assumed guilty and terminated", I have to really watch my reactions nowadays. Time to polish up my resume.
Comments"I'm not sure what you mean." Makes a great neutral rebuff for people who have the communication skills of a Q-tip. -teivrann I use "Just to clarify", or if the SF is too stupid to understand the word clarify (oh yes, it happens) I use "just to i'm clear in my head, what exactly are you asking me to do ?" -modeski "so" not "to" -modeski That whole scenario is on the MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW, isn't it? Need you ask? LOL! -ShutitAndReboot
To: firstname.lastname@example.com From:Userwho'snameIdLoveToPost Hi guys, My phone isn't working. Can someone call me? Thanks! DeletedToProtectTheDumbass
To:Dumbass From:Coyote Your PHONE isn't WORKING, how can I CALL you? Do you mean a cellphone? -Coyote
To:Coyote From:Killmeplease Hi Coyote! Thanks for responding so fast. No, I don't have a cell phone. I'm at someone else's desk. Can you call me here? Thanks again!! Dumbass
To:DUMBASS From:If I find you, I'm gunna beat you. ....Yes. I can call you. Who's desk are you at? -Coyote
To:Coyote From: GETS PAID FOR WASTING MY TIME Hi again! I'm not sure who's desk this is, no one is here. When someone gets back I'll ask them. You must type fast! -User trying my patience
To:Whygodme From: Hanging myself Can't you just call me from that phone? -Coyote
To:Coyote From: duuuuuhhhh I'd rather have you ring this phone. I don't know who's extension it is. How fast do you type? :) -user
To: YOU DUMB BASTARD From: I Am going to kill you... PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE AND CALL ME YOU MORONIC BASTARD! WHY DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER OPT FOR A BLOWJOB THE NIGHT OF YOUR CONCEPTION YOU WASTE OF *message deleted*
(Yes. This is Verbatium. The user is like 900 years old and thought she had to have a password to use someone else's phone)
CommentsThey called in mid angry e-mail back to them...which is why my final message was deleted. Damn its too early to be typing this... -The Coyote So is your psychic dialer broken? Is that why you didn't ring? -Gerund That final insult did it for me, now I have to go rinse my keyboard to get rid of all the coffee on it now. -StuffT Great story Coyote. (and StuffT, it isn't safe to be eating or drinking anything while reading posts from certain members of this site. The Coyote is one of them) -wolfprince Great, now I'm going to be walking to work with a BFEG on my face. I'm having trouble stopping laughing as it is. -redevil34 *LOL* I love it!! "..opt for a blow job.." BWA-HA-HA-HA! Great come back!!:) -rokitt That gives you time to wire her actual phone to the mains, whilst she's not at her desk. I suggest wire into a button at your desk. Let her get half way through the conversation before you brighten her world to 1 million candela. BWAHHHHHHH -Armakuni BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ((looks around)) do you work where i work?? I know people like that!!! =D -mousie LOL!!!!!!!!!!! -ShutitAndReboot
CommentsThat's actually kinda nice of him. Here, we get no notice of who is hired or fired. Then we catch hell when the new employees have no access. -TechieSidhe this is a look into the future. When machines have AI. This will no doubt only last till one machine has developed a must live routine, or some glitch as "Count to Infinity" in its life expectancy. -MaskedMarauder Just had this mental image: SF sends email that says "Delete me". Computer fires disintegration ray out of monitor, fries SF. </Marvin the Martian> -ecoli Hey E, Thats exactly what I was thinking. -djjonnyblaze I just had a conversation yesterday with the payroll clerk about this same thing! Half the time neither of us are notified when an employee leaves & it messes up our various tasks. We decided that we would compare notes as we hear things so we can confirm & keep up to date. -Tekkie "Please delete me" No Problem <pulls out shotgun> Consider yourself deleted!!! -Armakuni Johnny Five: "Benjamin Jamitooya... DELETE!" Ben: "NO! Number Five! Rethink yourself! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" -MadJack
CommentsSee Rule#1. -ThreeBucks Reply: "Your problem is now fixed." 'Cause he was able to SEND the message, and therefore it's proven to be halfway fixed just by sending. If he can RECIEVE as well, it's completely fixed. If he can't...well then he'll never get the message saying it's fixed. -OgdenTechGuy Translation: He can't send a 10 MB attachment, or he is having a problem with a free web mail account, or his friends have all put him in their blacklists on account of all the chain letters, jokes, and political commentary he has forwarded. If this were a call instead of an email, it would mean his computer won't boot. (I don't even work tech support and I'm starting to get the hang of this.) -concept14
CommentsWell I can delete the print queue, reroute further jobs to it to dev/null and pour water over the printer, then you will know the printer is farked but there will be nothing to print anyway. -Armakuni Put paper in it? -CTYankee
Commentsno problem one despised messge coming up... <delete> <empty trash> -CanadianTech I always try to masturbate big words in a converstion. Even if I don't always know what they mean. -Digitalutah </me spots an opportunity for a cheap"wankel" engine gag> -Armakuni correct it and send it back. all i can think of is disregard? -boxcar Response: "Okay, I hate this message. I hate it. Hate it. HATE it. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT." -Captain Trips I can not find it in my heart to despise this message. I did nothing wrong to me. The sender on the other hand has been on my shitlist for quite some time and has just gained enough points for the carpet, the quick death, and the bag of lime. -TeamWolfguard I smell a BOFH in the vicinity /:) -Armakuni Yeah... sorry about that... im in the 36th hour of my 24 hour deoderant. Been a long day. -TeamWolfguard
CommentsErm... I notice there isn't a question in that mess. -Armakuni Translation: He couldn't print labels because they come up in a popup window, which is now being blocked? (Sad that I was even able to guess at that - and it is only a guess)... -hkypipe
TechSupportComedy (c) 2003-2015 all rights reserved. Any and all trademarks acknowledged.


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Arts Integration and STEM Professional Development, Integration Consultant. World's Best Way to Make & Share Comics. Paint and Make - Paint animals and learn about them too! Sheppard Software. Smarthistory: a multimedia web-book about art and art history. KB...Konnected Kids. KB...Konnected Kids. Making the Mona Lisa pop using Ipiccy! Art. Image via Wikipedia We love art!
Here is a summary of all our art appreciation lessons, art activities and downloads. We use Charlotte Mason's art appreciation approach. She says, Google Art Project. Arts and Music games on Play Kids Games .com. Arts and Music Musical Notes Learn to read sheet music using a piano. Watch the notes on the sheet music go by. Color Pad Are you an artist? We ALL are! Create your newest masterpiece here. Demonstrations Project. WatchKnow. BrainPOP - Animated Educational Site for Kids - Science, Social Studies, English, Math, Arts.

subset: commoncrawl


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SWANTON, Ohio -- A volunteer firefighter/EMT with the Richfield Center Fire Department was killed Friday when a car struck her.
According to FirefighterCloseCalls.com, 45-year-old Charolette Adair was on her way to work when she stopped to help motorists following a crash. She was struck as she exited her vehicle to direct traffic.
She was transported to Mercy St. Vincent Medical Center where she died of her injuries.


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Cam'ron - Sweet Thang Feat. Vado & Sky-Lyn
Sweet Thang Cam'ron Feat. Vado & Sky-Lyn
Yesterday's release for Cam'ron's UnLost Files series
Stream Sweet Thang, the newest drop from Cam'ron which features Vado & Sky-Lyn. The cut was released on Saturday, April 28th, 2012. Things are looking better for Cam'ron with each new release, which Sweet Thang has proven yet again. It's worthy addition to the impressive body of work Cam'ron has been developing over the years. We're looking forward to hearing what's next.
Have you heard Cam'ron's Where The Mali At , featuring Vado ? If you dig this, visit Cam'ron's profile for the latest info, news, songs, and mixtapes.
How's the chemistry here? Thoughts?


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Heating Installation Services
As the temperature drops, you'll need to run your heating system more and more. Elmer's One Hour Heating & Air Conditioning knows that an inefficient or failing system means you aren't getting the comfort and lower utility bill you deserve.
So when it comes time to replace your heater system, you can trust Elmer's One Hour Heating & Air Conditioning in San Antonio. We provide the highest level of quality in all of our heating installation projects, and our expert team of technicians and installers is ready to get your home back on the right track.
Heater Installation with Elmer's One Hour Air
Our heater installation services include:
- Installation of all major brands including Energy STAR approved models.
- Custom ductwork and design for optimal air flow and purity.
- Oil to gas conversions
- Post-heating installation inspections
We offer a wide array of the top models in energy-efficient heating systems, so you can save money on utility costs and still receive the same or higher levels of comfort in your home. So when you're in need of a new heating system, turn to Elmer's One Hour Heating & Air Conditioning. We'll take you step by step through your heating installation and provide recommended energy and air quality solutions that benefit both your home and budget.
Call (210) 782-8550 to find out how Elmer's One Hour Air SA can help keep you warm this winter!


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Our Mission is to provide vocational development services and extended employment programs for individuals with physical, mental and developmental disabilities and for persons without disabilities who are culturally, socially or economically disadvantaged; to assist them in obtaining competitive or extended employment; to help maximize their independent living skills; and to equip them to live at the highest possible level of independence within the community.
We currently serve the following Alabama counties:
- Chambers
- Lee
- Macon
- Russell
- Tallapoosa
The Achievement Center – Easter Seals is a 501(c)3 organization and located at:
Opelika, Alabama 36801
Phone: (334) 745-3501
Rehab/Contract Block
Last modified on 2013-10-16 22:03:44 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Community Based
- Job Development
- Job Coaching
- Job Retention
- On The Job Training/Evaluation
- Community Based Training Sites
Employability Development
- Job Readiness
- Skills Development
- Adult Education
- Basic Computer Skills
- Driver's Education
- Cashiering
- Janitorial Service Training
- Landscaping/Ground & Building Maintenance
- Production Training
- Program Management
- Transportation
Vocational Evaluation
Manufacturing Services
Affirmative Action Statement
The Achievement Center – Easter Seals' services are rendered regardless of age, race, color, religion, creed, gender, national origin or disability. Achievement Center – Easter Seals is an equal opportunity employer.


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Plan Specification: HHF-4751
Total Square Footage: 1,499Main Level: 965Second Level: 534Bedrooms: 3Baths: 2Garages: 1Width: 53 ft Depth: 29 ftFoundation: Basement
© copyright by designer |
Plan: HHF-4751Guests will enjoy the sizable deck on this affordable two-story house design. Plenty of glass provides scenic views from the inside as well. A fireplace warms the family room, which hosts any gathering in comfort. The eat-in kitchen is open and spacious. The first-floor bedroom is perfect for the parents, especially if they don't want to climb stairs as the years progress. A full bath is nearby. A unique bath serves two more bedrooms on the second level.
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© copyright by designer First level: © copyright by designer Second level: Top Plan Details


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The newsletter of the Active Transportation Alliance
Vol. 2, Issue 8 - September 2009
By Gin Kilgore
On Sept. 22, a merry band of cyclists gathered to spread car-free cheer to downtown commuters. Our bikes had signs with messages such as, "Grow Your Life/Ditch Your Car" and "More Public Spaces, Less Parking Spaces."
We distributed flyers at major transit hubs, bus stops and the bike station, thanking people for not driving and asking them to imagine a Chicago with a million fewer cars. We made sure to yield to buses and pedestrians, ringing our bells and eliciting smiles with cries of "You're beautiful. Thanks for using your legs!"
We also visited highway ramps to invite drivers to join us next time. The ride ended at the annual Bike Winter Kick-Off Meeting, where we brainstormed more ways to keep Chicagoans in the saddle—and out of the car seat—year round.
The self-propelled rally was organized by Break the Gridlock, which supports grassroots efforts to fight car-dependency and promote appropriate transportation choices.
Copyright © 2015 Active Transportation Alliance | All Rights Reserved | Privacy policy


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Baltimore Ravens
30 Nov 14Late drive pushes Chargers past Ravens
Philip Rivers led an 80-yard scoring drive with no timeouts and San Diego continues chasing Denver in AFC West.
Philip Rivers led an 80-yard scoring drive with no timeouts and San Diego continues chasing Denver in AFC West.
Circle these dates on your calendar for must-watch games.
Peyton Manning and Philip Rivers don't have the best physical tools, but their smarts more than make up for it.
So far, the Cowboys and Chargers have been two of the NFL's best. Can they keep it going?
The first month of the 2014 NFL season has come and gone, leaving us with a number of great — and not-so-great — moments. We look at the best and worst of the first quarter of the season.
San Diego put up 30 points on the league's best defense, but it took perfect execution to do so.
Here are some on-the-field things to look for as the NFL takes the field after one of its most difficult weeks ever.
The Broncos let the Chargers hang around and pulled out the 24-17 victory. Next up? A date with the Patriots in the AFC title game.
The San Diego Chargers' 27-10 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals unearthed more questions about the Bengals than it provided answers about the Chargers. Click MORE for the primary takeaways from the AFC's second wildcard playoff game.
The San Diego Chargers' 27-20 victory over the Denver Broncos Thursday dramatically shifted the playoff picture. The Chargers are now in position to make a playoff run, while the Broncos no longer control their destiny. Click MORE for the takeaways from Thursday Night Football everyone will be talking about Friday.
Denvers Broncos QB Peyton Manning played poorly under the national spotlight of Thursday Night Football. The Chargers earned a 27-20 victory by controlling the clock and getting Manning out of rhythm. Click MORE for the best takes and analysis during the final Thursday Night Game of the season.
Eli Manning and the Giants are set to face the Chargers in San Diego this weekend. Manning will always be linked to the Chargers due to a draft day trade which sent him to the Giants. Manning still won't talk about why he didn't want to play for the Chargers.
Percy Harvin is doubtful, Jonathan Martin's status changes and the five other things everyone is talking about in the NFL.
Andrew Luck continues to lead the Colts to victories over the best teams in the NFL. Luck closed the massive gap between Peyton Manning and everyone else in the MVP rankings.
Junior Seau is at the center of the discussion about the impact of football on the human brain. Which makes it difficult to point out that Seau is the most beloved Chargers player of all time in part because of the way he recklessly threw his body at opposing players.
Philip Rivers continues to play at an elite level, and he makes his move up the MVP rankings.
Philip Rivers and his Chargers made sure to spoil Andrew Luck's Monday Night Football debut. Click "MORE" to find out what everyone will be talking about after the Colts-Chargers contest.
Terrelle Pryor stole the spotlight late Sunday night. The Raiders are building something around the talented young quarterback. Click "MORE" for the best takes and analysis for Monday morning football.
A quarter of the way through the NFL season, and Peyton Manning is still a lock to win his fifth MVP award, though Drew Brees made his case to dethrone Manning with a strong Monday Night performance.
The Chargers and quarterback Philip Rivers still have plenty of options available within the passing attack to offset the season-ending loss of Malcom Floyd.


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John Flavel writes:
Christ [is] the very essence of all delights and pleasures, the very soul and substance of them. As all the rivers are gathered into the ocean, which is the congregation or meeting-place of all the waters in the world: so Christ is that ocean in which all true delights and pleasures meet. . . . His excellencies are pure and unmixed; he is a sea of sweetness without one drop of gall.
The two eldest Bennet sisters in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice are best friends, but their personalities are like night and day. Elizabeth is cynical, contemplative. Jane is ever-optimistic, perhaps even naive. She can think of nothing bad to say about anyone. If anyone ever wrongs her, she instinctively forgives (if she can even see the wrong to begin with). In one scene, Jane and Elizabeth are celebrating Jane's engagement to be married. This exchange grabs me:
"I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed!" cried Jane. "Oh! Lizzy, why am I thus singled from my family, and blessed above them all! If I could but see you as happy! If there were but such another man for you!"
[Elizabeth replied:] "If you were to give me forty such men, I never could be so happy as you. Till I have your disposition, your goodness, I never can have your happiness."
There is Spiritual truth here! Had we forty shiny idols to buoy our affections, still these affections could not be mustered to enduring happiness. Had we forty ways into religious devotion to God, if none of those forty were Christlikeness through gospel power, we "never could be so happy."
"Have this mind among yourselves," Paul tells us in Philippians 2:5, speaking of Christ's attitude. Weymouth renders the verse, "Let the same disposition be in you which was in Christ Jesus."
There is good news. Romans 8:29 tells us that Christians are predestined to be conformed to the image of Jesus. We will have his disposition.
The felicity of Christ is conferred to his bride. Through the power of his Spirit, we receive the mind of Christ and the Spirit's fruit, which may be another way to say Christ's disposition. Even the persecuted church has cause for great joy, for unbounded happiness of soul. Because they know Christ in his suffering, they know Christ in the joy set before him. They know Christ in his gospel, which is the antidote for universal despair.
Until we have his disposition, his goodness, we can never have his happiness.
(from Gospel Deeps (91-92), coming next month from Crossway. Preorder from Amazon.)