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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
*large extended family
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)
I felt cramping not long yesterday & now randomly now stronger for it felt like 15 minutes.. Can you get pregnant after you get your period? I mean I had sex with my boyfriend shortly after but didn't the egg already pass when I got my period? Is it possible the cramps mean I'm pregnant?!?! & my lower back has started hurting a lot too...
Cramps and lower back pain are not the usual early signs of pregnancy. It's likely that you're not pregnant and that you're simply noticing the normal aches and pains of your body at this time more than you normally would because you're worried.
More information on dates would be useful here. How long after you had sex did you start experiencing these symptoms? Was it right away or has it been a month? If it was right away, it's in your head.
The truth is, you can get pregnant AT ANY TIME. Even if the cramps and back pain are not signs of pregnancy, you could still be pregnant. Any time you have sex, there is a chance of pregnancy. Certain times during your cycle have a higher chance of pregnancy, but there is still some chance every single day. It's not ever worth the risk. Do not be stupid about sexual responsibility. It's not hard to make your boyfriend wear a condom. The last thing you need to do is bring a child into this world into a situation that is not right for a child. Use protection and then you don't need to worry about any of this. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's an easy thing to do and you'd be absolutely stupid not to. I feel like that's not a harsh thing to say because I'm sure you would agree and I hope that all of this worry that you're feeling causes you to wake up and make better decisions going forward. Luck runs out. Good luck.
I have a huge crush on my teacher, but I know he has a wife, so I wouldn't do anything inappropriate, but I'm pretty sure he knows I like him, I always giggle when I talk to him, I ask him for help outside of class, and just harmless flirting stuff, but obvious enough for him to know I like him, most teachers I've heard about, whenever they know a student likes them, they make it clear that they aren't interested, but mine sure doesn't. Whenever he sees me, he starts grinning a lot, when he helps me, if he's sitting beside me, he puts his knee against mine, or if he's leaning over my desk, he puts his face REALLY close to mine, like it's hard to keep eye contact I'm so intimidated, and he just grins like he knows what it's doing to me. We laugh and joke around a lot and he touches my arms sometimes. There's other stuff that he does too that makes me think he's flirting back, and since I know he's not interested in me since he has a wife, why is he totally leading me on? and in case you're wondering I'm 16 and he's 30. Like if this were a boy my age I would totally know he likes me, I just would love to know what he's thinking, does he just love toying with me, or is he actually flirting back?
It's possible that he's a perv like the others have alluded to, but unlikely. What's more possible is that because you're interested, you're simply misinterpreting every little thing. We girls do this alllll the time. In all probability, he does like you, just not romantically. There is nothing wrong with a teacher liking a student as a kid. I'm sure you're interesting and fun. The thing is, just because your knees touched one time, because he smiles at you, or because he touched your arm doesn't mean it's romantic in the slightest. Your raging hormones could very well be taking over your brain to the point where you can't think through the situation. It sounds kind of sick, but that's what really happens and there's nothing you can do about having a natural reaction. Nothing has happened here to show that he has any interest in you besides thinking you're a good kid, liking you as a kid, and caring about you as a student and person. A teacher being kind to a student and the actions that you've described are not behavior that is meant to lead you on or flirt with you in any way. That's just what you want it to be and what you're feeling, so that's what you're seeing. It's a fun fantasy to have, but under no circumstances should you take it any farther than where it is now. Simply asking him if he were interested in you or flirting could cost him his job, so don't. He does not deserve to be fired and have his life ruined because a silly teenage girl has a crush on him. All that being said, if HE takes it any farther, like actually touching you inappropriately or saying things that are clearly inappropriate, make sure that you do not participate and that you report him. Unfortunately, while it may feel good, it's really wrong. It's fine as a fantasy, but it can be a very scary reality that might feel good at the time, but would most definitely ruin YOUR life down the line. Be careful, for his sake and for yours. As it stands, as long as everything continues the way it is, there's nothing to worry about and you can continue to secretly enjoy it. Just be on the lookout to make sure he doesn't progress and you don't either. Good luck! :)
I'm planning on starting college soon and I have to get extra on my student loan, so I can afford fuel to get back and forth. I'm wondering if it might be worth it to get a larger amount and use it to move out of my parents house before I graduate. I'm talking about 20k extra, so that I can buy furnishings and essentials for the apartment as well as have a little cushion afterwards.
Now as young as I sound right now, I'm actually in my 20s, so I have been weighing the pros and cons, but I'd really like an outsiders opinion.
Right now all I have is my boyfriends and he just told me he'd support me no matter what I decide to do. We will not be living together for another couple years, because he is overseas.
Health issues, family issues, and personal issues have kept me from going to school and moving out up until now, so I'm very antsy, and very ready, to move out and on my own. Thanks for your advice! :)
Private student loans are the absolute worst kind of debt. You can't get rid of them if you claim bankruptcy. Often, even if you die, someone still has to pay for them. Avoid them at all costs. DO NOT take out extra so that you can have a nice apartment that you can't afford. I would say, it's even a huge mistake to take out extra for fuel. Have you ever watched Suze Orman's show? Look into it. It's a real eye-opener about the dangers of any and all student loan debt.
That being said, nobody told me any of this before I did it. My parents were upset with me and refused to pay for any of my college expenses. I paid for my tuition with government loans, but took out private student loans to cover my expenses so that I could live off-campus. I was able to get decent private student loans with fixed interest rates. $20,000 worth of student loans is going to cost you $200+ a month until you're 50 or 60 on top of whatever else you're having to pay. This was a huge burden when I was just starting out. After college, I went through some really hard times where I wasn't paying other bills because I knew I had to pay this one. I do have it under control now. Sometimes I look around and think to myself, wow, I'm still paying for that Xbox. How can I have all these nice things and only $100 in my savings account? I made some mistakes. I should have been pinching every penny. It DOES NOT cost $20,000 to furnish an apartment. If you have to take out loans for this, all you can truly afford is a card table and some camping chairs. Really. I'm not trying to be mean or funny. You'd be living way above your means and starting your life out the wrong way. This could be a real slippery slope for you. If you do it and it seems like it works out, you could start taking loans out for other things. You can't afford any of this. I should have lived on-campus so that government loans would have covered more. I often ask myself why I was so stupid with money back then. I should have been more concerned about my future and I should have done more research about how bad private student loans were. Instead, I ignored it because I had already made up my mind and I was going to do it anyway. I worry what will happen if I ever lose my job, if I die, or if I have a kid with a lot of medical needs. Luckily, everything's good right now. There's no telling what next year could be like, though.
The deciding factor for you should be what profession you're planning on entering. What is the starting salary of the field that you're planning on going into? How long could it take you to get a job? How much money will you be making in the first 5 years? If it's not much, taking out any loans is a very bad idea. I should not have done it. If I could go back, I probably wouldn't do it. It feels like the right thing to do right now and you may be thinking "what's the worst that could happen" "everything will be fine, it always has been" "people take out student loans all the time and they're okay". You really, really want to do this so you probably will regardless of what advice we give you. Just know the risks. Will you be able to pay for these loans when they come due? That should be your biggest question. If you're not sure, don't do it. You can't be totally sure, can you? There is always another way.
You don't have to take out extra so you can afford fuel. Work so you can afford fuel. Seriously, student loans are really bad to have. Avoid them. I have a friend who worked all the way through college. She was stressed and tired all of the time. Now though, she's way better off financially than I am. She has a great, carefree life. She's able to pay for her own wedding. I'm still scraping to get by. I'm getting by, but it is a struggle. She's doing great and has absolutely no student loan debt. I envy her for what she was able to do and I wish that I had felt strong enough to do it myself at the time. I would have such a better life right now if I did. The little bit of comfort that the loans gave me robbed me of the comfort I could have had for now and won't have for years to come.
Any student loan debt is never worth it because it can be avoided if you're willing to put in the time. The way that your question is worded, it seems like you're looking for someone to agree with you and tell you that you should do it. Don't have that attitude because it will make it hard for you to see the downsides. The downsides here are really horrible.
What this whole situation comes down to is one question. Are you willing to risk future financial stability for comfort now? It sounds kind of bad when you put it that way, but it's really what this whole thing boils down to. Discomfort now will ensure financial stability later. Is this a risk you're willing to take? Those are the pros and cons in a nutshell. Whatever you choose, you'll figure your life out and things will be okay. Just be careful not to make a decision that will haunt you. Good luck.
I feel scared to ask my parents for a snapchat facebook Kris even an instagram because of how over protective they are what should I do
Bring it up slowly. Say that you feel disconnected from other kids your age and that you want to start taking more responsibility, but with guidance. Start with whichever one you think will be least scary for your parents. My guess is that it would be Facebook. Facebook has been around for awhile and there are a lot of adults using it too. It's less scary because it's more well-known. Tell your parents that you really want to do this, but that they would be able to monitor your every move. This means that they would have your password and would be able to check what you were doing at any time. I think that as long as you allow this, they'll let you have the account. After some time has passed and you're doing well with it, nothing is going wrong, and you've completely earned their trust, you can discuss the possibility of more privacy with the account. It would suck a little, but it's better than not having it at all and it shows your parents that you understand the dangers so much that you're willing to give them complete access in order for you to be safe. This isn't the best scenario, but it's a way to get your foot in the door. Good luck!
I bought a white dress for a wedding I am suppose to go to thos Saturday but I started my period today and I don't have anything else nice enough for the wedding to wear what fo I do?
Unless you are positive that the bride isn't wearing white, DO NOT wear the white dress under any circumstances, period or no. It is considered highly inappropriate and disrespectful to the bride. Depending on her personality, the bride my be angry at you. Even if she is okay with it, there are sure to be at least a few other judgmental guests who will disapprove and scrutinize you mercilessly behind your back. Just a warning!
If you're dead set on wearing the white dress, why are you worried? Do you normally leak to the point where it shows through your clothing? If so, you're using the wrong products to begin with and need to find something that offers more protection. If not, don't worry. White shouldn't be any scarier than any other color to wear.
Are you afraid of tampons and don't want a pad to be visible? Give tampons a try. There are actually really great instructions in the box on how to insert them and once you get it in correctly, it shouldn't hurt at all. Bring a big purse filled with lots of extras and change them a lot. Wear a thin pantyliner along with the tampon, just in case.
Another thing you can do is wear a slip underneath the dress so that there would be another invisible layer that the blood would have to soak through in order to show. See if you can return or exchange the dress.
My advice to you is to not wear the white dress, but for reasons other than because you have your period. Good luck and have a great time!
I've had cystic acne for over 10 years. it is painful and embarrassing. The doctors in the past have told me that I have the worst kind of acne. I don't have medical insurance right now & I can't afford that expensive stuff like accutane, etc. I've tried every face wash/cream in the stores. The dermatologists have given me pills/creams that don't help. My acne is on my back, chest and its even worse on my face. My skin gets really oily around my nose and I have to wash it. I drink plenty of water and eat healthy. I've been made fun of since elementary school because of my face acne and it hurts.
I have bumps like this: http://s1.hubimg.com/u/4039650_f520.jpg
The reason why no one has answered your question for a few days is because you've asked a question with unreasonable conditions. There's only one way to answer it and if that answer isn't out there, what are we supposed to say? What I mean is, what you're looking for and what you want to hear just don't exist. If you have cystic acne, the only solution is to work with a doctor to find a medical treatment, which will probably be expensive. If you had cancer, you wouldn't be dabbing in home remedies, you'd be paying for expensive treatments. What you have is a condition requiring expensive treatments. I'm so sorry to say this to you, but there's just no way around it. It may be less expensive to get insurance than you think. Seriously look into it. Other than that, you'll need to either live with your condition as you have, or come up with the money necessary to treat it. I hate to be the one to tell you, but someone has to. It's probable that no one else is coming on here to tell you the same thing because they fear a low rating from you so I feel like I'm speaking for many when I say that what you're asking for, just isn't out there. Good luck.
I am having a hard time calculating when I conceived. I had unprotected sex on August 14th, and my period was due August 26th. I had sex again on August 23 protected. About 6 days later ( my period was late by then) I went to the bathroom and when I wiped the condom came out. I didn't look inside of it so idk. I took a pregnancy test yesterday September 3 and it was positive. Is it possible I conceive earlier on like on the 14th?
I'm not sure why this matters. When you go to the doctor to confirm your pregnancy, they may be able to give you information. There are ways that the doctor can see how far along you are. How could random strangers on the internet have any idea? It's quite possible that you conceived on the 14th. Take a look at the pregnancy test that you used. What does it say about how long you should wait? Some home tests cannot detect a pregnancy for 2 weeks. If the one you used was one of those, it's likely that you conceived earlier. All that aside, who cares? You've got better things to worry about than when you conceived. It's a given that you should be worrying about your child, which I'm sure you're thinking about. The other thing though, which really angers me actually, is the guy that you were having sex with. Where did he think the condom went? It was absolutely awful of him not to say something to you. It's very, very dangerous to leave something like that in your vagina. Getting pregnant wasn't that big of a concern to you because you were having unprotected sex anyway, but you could have gotten a serious infection from the condom being left there like that. You should have serious concerns about the maturity and responsibility levels of this person as a continued partner and father of your child. He may pretend like he had no idea or didn't think about it, but that's just as bad as purposely leaving it there. How could you ever trust him alone with a baby if he's going to be that stupid or forgetful? Make sure he knows that what he did was unacceptable and that he'd better get it together. Good luck.
I'm a 14 year old girl and occasionally I will get a red circle on my thigh. It's about 3-4 inches in diameter and it's right above my knee. It can happen on either leg and on any part of the front of my thigh though like I said, it's usually directly above my knee. It's not a bump or a zit type thing with a center, it's just a circle and it doesn't hurt it itch or bother me at all, it's just there. It's only there for a day or two and then it's gone and stays away for a few weeks. Should I see a doctor or does this just happen and it's normal?
It doesn't seem like a big deal because it isn't changing and it goes away. Take a picture of it and the next time you're at the doctor for something else, like a physical, ask about it. You'll have a picture to show the doctor just in case it's not there right then. It's probably just a vein or something, but it's always best to just ask. Good luck!
What is considered the normal way to grieve for a beloved friend who has recently committed suicide? Is it abnormal or even crazy to dump your current significant other of several months and develop romantic feelings for the guy who died? (Let's call that guy Levi just so we have something to call him BTW.) Would that be sick or unhealthy in any way?
I just miss Levi so, so much. I miss the time I had with him, I miss his smile, his laugh, his wonderful ability to make me and anyone else laugh until we hurt. Most of all, I miss his kind, generous, and loving heart.
I'd do anything to be able to go back in time and save him, or even just spend some more time with him. I'd give a kidney, an ovary, an eye, a limb, and 40 years off of my life to have been able to prevent his death, but of course it's too late.
I've also seemed to develop a bit of an anger issue since his death. Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde because I can be calm one minute, explode the next, and then go back to being calm. I don't know if this anger is really for Levi, the situation, or myself for taking him for granted.
One thing that can easily spark my anger is people judging him. As a devout Christian, I believe in Heaven and Hell, but unlike some, I don't believe that suicides go to Hell. Not if they've accepted Jesus that is. I believe that anyone who does that to themselves cannot be in their right minds and that God has mercy on them for that reason. Levi was mentally ill with bipolar disorder and clinical depression. Something was not working right in his brain at the moment he decided to end his own life and I believe God understood that and took him to Heaven where is happier and doesn't suffer the problems he did here on earth.
Needless to say, some people don't feel the same way and I get so mad when I hear some judgemental person who thinks they know more than God claim that Levi's in Hell. These people did not even know him. He was a devoted Christian, he loved God, he accepted Jesus, but these people claim that he died because he worshipped the "God of the unbelievers" as if that even makes sense. Also, they put him down and spit on him for killing himself when they have no idea what a great, kind hearted person he was. He really, honestly was an inspiration to me to be a better person, but his suicide was caused by him being sick, not cruel or selfish and certainly not evil.
The break up with the guy I was seeing was partially caused by romantic feelings for Levi and partially because I felt that I needed some space from my now ex that guy. He was a great guy, but I felt like things were kind of dying between us anyway. I don't want to become the kind of person who distances herself from everyone and keeps all of her feelings bottled up though, nor do I want these new feelings for Levi to make his death more painful.
Are these feelings normal? Is having grown an obsession with suicide and mental illness normal for someone in my situation? What is the normal, textbook way to mourn the loss of such a precious life that did not have to end, but that did end at the hands of the person whose life it was? Any tips on how to get through this?
What's going on with you is very normal, don't worry. :)
It can be hard to deal with at times like this, but some people with strong religious beliefs feel the need to preach, unsolicited at others at the most inopportune times. This is an unfortunate fact of life that you'll deal with from time to time. Nobody can know what happens after death. That's why we call them "beliefs". It's hard to be polite to people when they are being forceful and/or insensitive, but that's the best way to go. Politely excuse yourself from any conversations about where someone goes when they commit suicide and don't start any of your own. Don't argue with anyone, try to convince them of anything, or try to change their minds. No amount of debate will change anyone's minds and it's just going to make people upset for the wrong reasons. It's just not a productive thing to do. You know in your heart where he is and that's all that matters.
Even though what you're going through is completely, 100% normal, there is still something that you need to do. In all likelihood, you have easy access to grief counselors through your school. Talk to someone about how you're feeling and the choices you've been making recently. Breaking up with your boyfriend, even though it wasn't just because of this event, wasn't wrong, but it could be a concern. It's a red flag. You want to make sure that you're okay and that your life isn't going to spiral out of control suddenly. You may feel like you're alright, but it's good to talk to someone just to be sure. Grief counselors are awesome people that have a lot of experience in helping people understand their feelings and do the right things.
You're going through a lot right now. Try not to make any big life changes or decisions for awhile. Even though what you're going through is natural, it's definitely hard to handle. Good luck.
I'm a 13 year old girl and there's something wrong with my jaw. It's been going on for about a year now. At the beginning, it was just when I chew food or him or whatever it would kinda get stuck if that makes sense. It gets really hard to keep chewing. But last month it started not opening all the way. When I yawn it'll sometimes only let me open halfway so I have to close my mouth and test every few minutes to see if I can open it because I'm afraid that I'll get hurt if I force it. Is there some easy way to fix this or should I ask my parents to take me to a doctor?
It could just be muscle cramps or it could be something very serious. If you do a search online of your symptoms, you'll find a lot of people complaining of the same exact thing. Your parents don't need to take you to the emergency room or anything, but you should explain to them what has been happening, talk about what it could be, and schedule an appointment to get it checked out just in case. Good luck!
PS - Don't let the Internet frighten you. Most of the time when you start looking up symptoms online, you end up thinking that you're going to die. It's probably not serious at all.
how do you burn pics and videos from your camera to a dvd disc so you can view them using your dvd player?
This is a really hard question to answer without knowing what kind of camera and what kind of computer you have. You probably have a program that you can use for this, but different programs are available for different types of computers. Add additional information to your question or ask another question with more information. Windows or Mac? What kind of camera?
You will also need to check to make sure that your disc drive will burn DVD's. Some can't.
The whole thing could be really, really easy, but it's impossible to tell without knowing exactly what you're working with!
Hi.I am in a relationship with my guy for almost 9 months.We have our ups and downs but now adays , we've been having our downs only.It's like , we had sex 4 months ago and now , we just don't have a place where we can have it.I am absolutely okay with it , but he's all horny and devastated.We've been having so much fights lately.It's just so bad!I just love him so much and he does too.We end up leaving each other after every fight but we get back together and have a fight all over again.I cannot live without him.I try to fix the fights and they do get fixed but we have a fight all over again.I don't trust him anymore.He describes how horny he is every single day but I can't do anything about it.We don't even have privacy when we meet , it's just public places.So we can't really do anything.And his ex lives near his place , she always pops up out of no where and that girl is extremely horny aswell , he doesn't talk to her much and all but lately he has been talking about her a lot.I try to keep my cool but she sent him a text asking him to go at her place to go get some songs and shit with using all the winking emoticons.So I was like "So go to her place ;)" and he just went like "yeah" an then I was like "Have some good sex with her maybe" and he went like "If I tell her she will do so" and it pissed me off so much!I expected a different reaction but I was like wow!and then I went like "If you're trying to make me jealous think what would you have done if I told you something like that regarding one of my ex" and he was like "I was just telling you what she said" and so I didn't answer his text anymore and he just sent me another text saying "Just dont talk to me if you can't behave properly!" I mean like what the hell?!And so later we fixed the fight and I told him what I expected from him and he just went like "I am devastated and horny but I keep calm and I didn't expect you to ask me things like that , I was shocked" and so I told him that "That doesn't even make sense , I don't even trust you anymore!" and we ended up having a fight again.
I don't know what to do.I love him.Mom knows about us , my cousins know.I don't want us to end.But I don't see any options either.
You need to be brutally honest with him. It's not like he wants sex and you don't so you're avoiding it. The two of you cannot find a place and time where sex is possible. He knows that.
What you need to tell him is that he needs to quit telling you how horny he is. Tell him that there's nothing that you can do about it and bringing it up all the time accomplishes nothing. It's making you feel like all he wants you for is sex. If he's so horny all he needs to do is masturbate and stop bothering you about it. Once an opportunity arises for sex to take place, he will be the first to know about it and it will happen. Until then, tell him that he needs to stop talking about it because it is destroying your relationship. There is no reason to bring up his horniness again until there is an opportunity for sex.
If he can't do that or doesn't understand your feelings, I'm here to tell you that he's not interested in you as a person or a partner. He's only interested in you as a body. You're much more than that and you can't allow someone to treat you that way. Sure he's said really nice things to you, but anybody can do that. It takes a person that really cares about you to act like they do, not just say it.
You say that you can't live without him. That's an outrageous statement to make. You certainly can. You have before and you will again if things turn out that way. There's no reason to overdramatize your statements. Yes, it would absolutely crush you and it would hurt for a long time, but you'd be okay.
If he can't respect you by abiding by one little request to stop mentioning how horny he is, he is not a good person to be in a relationship with and your fighting will eventually lead to a very painful breakup. Try to get him to understand that his words are hurting and worrying you and that you'd like to talk about something else for once. How awful it is of him to want to talk about himself all the time? What is your relationship even based on now? Endless conversations about hormones? What a dreamy guy! Ugh.
So, to recap - There's a very simple solution to being horny. He needs to just shut up about it, masturbate as much as he needs to, and wait patiently for the opportunity for sex with you. That should be pretty simple. If it isn't simple, it's over. Good luck.
So... I have been having this issue going on for some time now. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and my mom has not liked him for a while. I first thought that it was a phase. Then, I thought she would grow to like him eventually. But, now it is worse than ever. He was away for a few months for something that he needed to do for school. Those months were pure bliss with my mom. I finally remembered what it was like to love my mom again because we weren't butting heads. We were just friends. I'm 23, by the way. I live with my mom and grandparents at the time because I cannot afford to move out. I live in an expensive city and I'm a teacher, so I don't make very much money. I had a plan to move out, etc. when I had some more money just so that I could have peace of mind. But, it's not happening right now... at least for another couple of months. This summer, like I said, my mom and I re-kindled our relationship.
Upon his return, it was like everything I ever saw in him was different. Things that I took as a joke now seemed serious and rude. For instance, today, I was running late or wanted to slightly change our plans and he told me that my mother was a psycho liar and that I should never believe anything she says. PS, he doesn't know how she feels about him. He was just saying so because she was part of the reason I had to change the plans. Then, I told him that we have all had to sacrifice our plans at one point and I gave him the example about how we both left town on my birthday (to the same place) and didn't see each other because he was with his family and I was with mine. He could have chosen to come with me and I could have chosen to go with his family. But, it was my birthday and I wanted to spend it with my family. I was just using it as an example. I wasn't implying anything about it. This was months ago! And he said that it was my fault that he didn't see me because I decided to go with my family. We were in the same city! He could have certainly made an effort to take a cab or even send some flowers to my hotel... i don't know. I'm not saying something huge. Just an effort to know he was thinking of me. I've excused his behavior since I've met him. Now, I look back and see that it wasn't so nice of a thing to do. And before summer, I would have excused this too and say "he's just frustrated." Now I see how quickly his anger escalates and I don't like it.
There have been other situations that have happened in the past. Like, how he got angry at me because I didn't have cash to pay for parking when he had a wallet full of cash. If we've had a difference in political views, he turns bright red in anger and has pushed me away. One time, he was fighting with someone over politics and I thought they were just talking until I walked through the middle to throw something away. They were at a reasonable distance away from each other so it wasn't like I was cutting through them. He got angry both at me and the other person, but grabbed me and bent my thumb to my wrist. It was throbbing till the next day. I have excused it all. It was like I was under some weird spell. And now, I see how wrong it is.
So, this question is going to be broken down into a few pieces. First of all... I wouldn't even know HOW to end it. I feel like I still care. It's not like I'm a ball of fury. It's just that I think that I deserve to be happy. I want to feel loved. And I have felt loved before, so I know the difference. I don't always want to feel scared that I've offended him. And I can only see this getting worse. Imagine... bending thumbs now... how about when we are married? How about by the time we hit a 20 year anniversary? Do you really think it's going to get better? But, it's just hard. It's like I'm not ready... even though I know this is necessary. How can I get over this? What do I do?
Secondly, I have some issues with my mom that need to be addressed too. She turns into a PSYCHO when he's around. When he's not, she's my best friend. When she's around, she wants to throw me out of the house and tells me that she hopes I know that if I'm with him, she will never be a part of my life and she won't want to meet her grandkids. As much as I love my mom, this is unacceptable behavior from a parent. She is in no way providing a safe environment for me to come to her with real issues that a mother is to help her daughter with. Instead, I feel fear. Then, I burst into anger because I get angry at the fact that at 23, I need to live in fear. And then I feel even angrier because if it weren't for financial issues, I would be able to move out. So, it turns into a whole circle.
I don't want to be deciding this for my mom. I just wish someone can extend a hand and just say: "I think this is what you should do." An objective person. Someone who is not in this situation at all. I am crying out for help. Please answer!
I think that a big part of the issue is that you've defended your boyfriend to your mother for so long that it's almost something that has to work out. Now that it isn't working, you feel as if ending it will be giving in to your mom's inappropriate reaction to him, even though it really wouldn't be. You know you're going to get a lot of "I told you so's" and she's going to be happy when you are heartbroken.
The thing is, you have to take your mom out of this entirely. Separate from your mom, the relationship isn't going well on its own. If you choose to stay in the relationship, it would be more because of your mom than choosing to get out of it. An overcorrection of sorts. Because you don't want your mom to have an influence on your decision so badly, she actually will and you'll stay in a relationship that you probably would have otherwise ended if she hadn't been so against it. It's weird when you switch your logic around, isn't it?
Don't stay with this guy because of how you remember him. How you remember him isn't how he is. Even looking back, you're seeing things now that you failed to see before. There were good times and he's a good guy, but it doesn't seem like you're compatible with him long-term. If things are bugging you now, yes, they will big you more later on. A breakup will hurt more later on, too.
The last thing I want to address is your lack of openness. Why didn't you talk about how your mom feels about him? What makes you think that he doesn't know? Maybe he does. People are more perceptive than you think. If you had talked about it, things could've gotten better. Tactful open communication is important in any relationship. Don't tell him about it now because you may be ending things with him soon so there's no point to make him feel worse for no reason. But, it's something that he should have been aware of and that you should consider in any future relationships.
People break up all the time. There doesn't have to be a major betrayal or catastrophic falling out. If more people were honest and were more concerned about avoiding mistakes than about preserving each others feelings, don't you think there would be fewer divorces? Don't let this get worse over time. It will. End the relationship before it gets bad. It will be hard, but for every day that you wait, it gets harder. It seems like he's ready for it to end too, doesn't it? Good luck.
I sent a few nudes to a guy I met online and he's sent me money in return for them and now he's blackmailing me saying if I don't send him something else then he'll post all my pics on the internet.. Is there anything I can do to stop him? Can the police do anything?
This isn't a criminal matter. Do not go to the police. You sold him pictures, so what are the police going to do? Break into his house and take them back? They can't do that. The pictures are his property because you sold them to him. He can legally do whatever he wants with them now. It's not blackmail at all.
Unless you have a contract in writing with him that a condition of him purchasing the pictures is that he will not share them, there's absolutely nothing that you can do about it, ever. Him saying "yeah, okay" in a chat isn't enough. Even if you do have a legal contract, it might not matter. If and once he does post them online, they're there forever. At that point, it would be a civil matter and you could try going after him for money, but there's little chance that you'd win. You don't need me to tell you that you did something really stupid. You know that it was. A judge would know too.
Are you a minor? If so, contacting the police would be a horrific idea because you could get into trouble for selling child pornography, which is rather serious. Besides the fact that they wouldn't legally be able to get involved, the police have much more serious issues to deal with than someone being upset over the very foreseeable consequences to a really stupid decision.
I am very sorry that this is happening to you. We often don't realize or we choose to ignore the possible consequences of our actions when we're in the moment. Unfortunately, you're not alone. This happens to a lot of people. The laws need to catch up to the times. They haven't yet.
There's a good chance that the guy is bluffing and isn't going to do anything. He's getting off on the power that he thinks he has over you. Take that power away by refusing to send him anything else. If he's really going to put them online, he's going to do it whether you send him more pictures or not. It would be best if there were fewer. Rather than saying "no", come up with a bunch of fake excuses. My camera isn't working, my Internet connection is acting up, I can't get a minute alone, I have the flu, I dropped my phone in the toilet and can't afford a new one for a month, etc. He might lose interest on his own. There's a small chance that you're the only person that he's doing this to and he'll focus his efforts on the others if it starts to be too much effort to get anything from you. Good luck.
He has a baby on the way by a girl he got pregnant before we set boundaries and he has had money issues and i helped im with him every night and im happy but i just feel,for myself, i need that commitment especially before the child gets here to feel that security and have that commitment..i deal with a lot dating him and this situation and i feel i deserve at least that...but i dont want to feel im forcing anyone to "be" with me..although im always with him, his family knows about me, etc...do i wait it out or stand my grounds about having his all or nothing...
I could tell you that you need to give up on this relationship, move on with your life and never look back and you might even agree with me, but you'll never listen to my advice, which breaks my heart for you. Attempting to make a life with this guy is the wrong thing to do and you know it, but you'll continue trying because the chemicals in your brain are forcing you to even though it's the worst decision in the world. Take a long hard look at your situation and try to see it from a point of reason. You deserve for him to leave you forever because even though it will hurt for awhile now, you will be much, much happier without him than you ever were with him once some time has passed and you get over it. He got a girl pregnant before you set boundaries? I'm pretty sure you shouldn't need to have a direct conversation with someone about how they shouldn't have unprotected sex with other people if they're genuinely interested in you as more than a fling in the first place. You don't want to be with a guy that's going to be that stupid. There's no way the pregnancy was planned and you do not want to be with someone that makes such bad decisions. Unprotected sex? Are you kidding me? If he's having money issues now, how is he going to ever pay child support? You say "I'm with him every night" like that's some sort of win. Don't you think it's a bit pathetic? You deserve for him to dump you and never talk to you again because that would be the best thing for you. You deserve so much BETTER, like a good man that's going to treat you right and he is not one. You have so much loyalty, but you're giving it to a person who doesn't give it back and won't start. He accepts money from you? What a guy! Get the idea of "love" out of your head and make a good decision for yourself. Every good thing that he does for you, you can find someone that can give the same things, but without the pain. You need to require more for yourself. Again though, you're not going to listen to me, so why am I even saying any of this? Like so many before you, you're going to give in to your desperation to be with him because of how you feel when he's awful for you and you know it. Feelings fade, his bullshit will not. When the next guy could make you feel just as good as he does, never make you feel bad, not have to have discussions where you need to prohibit him from participating in behaviors that if he really cared about you he wouldn't even dream of doing, and not have to give him money, you can't choose this. Get out of it NOW, this minute, today, or YOU might get pregnant, get stuck with this loser forever, and spend the rest of your life dreaming about what your life could've been. You asked for advice and there it is. Do with it what you know you need to do, not what you want because even though he is what you want right now, he is not what you need and once you experience someone that is actually right for you, you'll wonder how you could ever have wanted this. I promise, you'll never look back. Good luck.
My wifi is fine, I've uptaded the app, and I've restarted my phone (I have the samsung 5) and it still won't upload my videos. When I try to do it it try to upload it for a mila second and says it failed again. Another issue is it won't say I have 16 followers. If I click the followers thingie and count it I have 16 but it still says I have 15. I tried emailing instagram but they won't answer. What should I do?
Since nobody has answered this yet, I'll give it a shot. I don't have an instagram account, but I know that oftentimes if you have a questionable internet connection, it can cause issues like this. Try resetting your wifi or attempting to upload a video using someone else's wifi or your data plan if you have one. This seems like the most logical thing that could be wrong. Even though everything appears to be working just fine, uploading a video involves a lot of data being sent through thin air and a slow connection will become an issue. I hope you figure it out, good luck!
I'm a 14 year old girl and there's a job that I want to have when I'm older and I don't know what it's called or if it's a real job at all. I've always had incredibly strong senses of empathy and sympathy so I'm always wanting to help people. The job I want is going around to different troubles countries and helping those who are starving and need medical help that they can't get in their countries. If obviously be putting myself in very dangerous positions sometimes but I'd rather die young changing the world than die of old age at home after a life of changing nothing. I'd also need to get some kind of doctoral training to get a ton of medical knowledge. Is this actually a career I can pursue?
Absolutely! There are a lot of programs that do just what you're describing. Once you get into medical school, you can talk to your professors to see what kinds of opportunities are out there for you. If you live in the United States, think about joining the Peace Corps. http://www.peacecorps.gov/
It might also be a good idea to talk to your school guidance counselor about your plans. Make sure that you're taking the right classes and performing well enough academically to realize your dream. Even if you can't get into med school, there are other ways to help abroad. Good luck!
hi people!
im a 19 year old girl & ive only tried anal once. from that experience im terrified to do it again.
when i did it the first time i got a hemorrhoid, disgusting yes i know! & also he cummed in my butt & when he pulled out it made a couple farting sounds but i dont think i farted? im not sure but it was embarrassing & i dont ever want that to happen again!
any suggestions or comments? thanks!
also any suggestions on how to clean your butt out before anal? because you poop there lol, i dont want anything coming out or smelling, sorry i know this sounds very out there! i just need some help!
thanks in advance and sorry about how weird this sounds haha!:)
Why would you be asking for help on how to solve these problems if you had such a bad experience the first time around? Anal isn't your thing. So don't do it. It resulted in you getting a hemorrhoid, that's awful. Don't risk it again. You were humiliated by the sound of air that had been pushed in, coming back out. Knowing that it wasn't a fart doesn't make it any less embarrassing because it still sounds like one. This is going to happen when you do anal and can't really be avoided. You're worried about how clean it is in there because you don't want anything coming out or smelling. People that participate in and enjoy anal are not worried about this. Clearly, you aren't into anal. There is no reason for you to do it.
This brings me back to my question. Why would you be asking for help on how to solve these problems if you had such a bad experience the first time around? Someone is asking you to try it, right? Some guy really wants you to do it for him. Well, the answer to all your problems is to just explain to him that you're not into it. Explain that you tried it once, had a bad experience, didn't like it, and that was enough for you. Do not do this just to make him happy. You may be willing to, but even if you are, it's not the right thing to do. No part of a sexual encounter should be a sacrifice. Both people should enjoy all parts of everything that the two of you choose to do. Otherwise, it's just bad sex and sets you up for being pressured and having your generosity taken advantage of or stretched too far in the future. If this guy is worth anything, he's not going to care if you don't want to do anal. He might want to try it, but he'll certainly live without it. I'd prefer it if my husband would trim his pubic hair better than he does, but he doesn't want to and it's his body to decide that for. I really don't care about it that much and I respect what he wants to do. It's really that simple. Your need to please needs to end.
If you don't have a boyfriend asking to do this with you, I apologize for assuming so. In this case, my answer is still essentially the same. Anal isn't your thing. Don't worry about it. Communicate this to your partner and everything will be fine. BOTH of you will be happier if you do. Trust me. :) Good luck!
I'm 13 and I know that all teenagers have acne but I have an unusual amount. My denatiligist have me a cream but it's not helping. I clean my face with a gently soap and cloth in the morning and evening then pay it dry with a towel, use the cream my dermatologist gave me, and pull my hair out of my face. Even after all of this my face is oily again a few minutes later. With seven kids, my parents really can't afford any of those special soaps. What can I do? Are there any home remedies that really work? Oh, and the acne is in my forehead, chin, and cheekbone area if it matters.
If you've seen a dermatologist, see him/her again! If the cream that you were given isn't working, there are often stronger concoctions or different kinds that might work. I would imagine that it's very rare that the first thing that you try is going to be perfect. Let the dermatologist know what happened and that cost is an issue. Remember that if your family has health insurance, something that the dermatologist prescribes to you should be covered by your insurance and won't cost your family very much at all. If you go out on your own and try to find something in a store, you're going to have to pay full price and you're going to have less of an idea of what might work. Definitely go back to the dermatologist one or two more times before giving up on this person's help. He/she an expert and will be able to help you more than anyone else. Good luck!
My boyfriend had sex with me yesterday and it was my first time doing it he didnt pop my"cherry" and today I feel sick and my stomach was bouncing, what does it mean? And can I still get pregnant if my "cherry" isn't popped?
This "cherry" that you speak of is a bunch of nonsense. There isn't something in you that "pops". You may bleed your first time if your partner isn't cautious because of stretching and tearing, but nothing in that area "pops" open. Your vagina is already open. There is no such thing as a "cherry". If your boyfriend's penis entered your vagina, you have a chance of becoming pregnant.
Sometimes, people are referring to the hymen when they are talking about a cherry. The hymen is a completely different thing though. Some very young girls have a membrane covering most of their vaginal opening. If you've had your period before and blood has come out, your hymen is not completely covering your vaginal opening, which means that your vagina is open and you can become pregnant from sexual contact. The hymen can be torn open a bit larger when you are a child as a result of normal human activities such as running, biking, and horseback riding. Your hymen doesn't pop when you have sex for the first time. If you are healthy and have had your period before, your hymen already has an opening in it, so there is nothing blocking sperm from traveling into your body.
It was very foolish of you to have sex without protection and I'm sure that you know that. Do not allow anyone to convince you to do something unsafe ever again and never just "go with the flow" because you don't want to ruin the mood or hurt someone's feelings. Even if you're a shy or quiet person, you must speak up when it comes to things like this because it's your body and your life that are most at risk. The next time you have a question as important as this, find out the answer before participating in a risky behavior.
Feeling sick and your stomach "bouncing" are probably just a result of you being nervous and over thinking things. We become more aware of ourselves when we think about it. For example, whenever you start to think about breathing, you become very aware of it when just a second ago, it was happening automatically without a conscious thought from you. These things are not related to your sexual encounter.


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Conservative senators agree on gun control compromise
WASHINGTON (AP) — Conservative senators from both parties announced their support for expanding background checks for gun buyers Wednesday, giving a burst of momentum to advocates of stronger restrictions. But big questions remain about whether President Barack Obama can push significant gu...
Published: 04/11/2013
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Wisconsin Taxpayers Alliance reports
4:02 pm
Mon February 10, 2014
County Sales Tax Generally Effective For Property Tax Relief
The Wisconsin Taxpayers Alliance in Madison looked over 12 years of data beginning in 2000. The county sales taxes came into vogue in the 1980's as a way to offset rising property tax rates.
Spokesperson Dale Knapp says the collections did little to offset property taxes. He said some counties found a reliable revenue stream, but for most others, it wasn't that good...
"...we see a lot of increases one year, decreases the next, it sort of bounces up and down. A couple of counties, we actually see collections fallling between 2000 and 2012...."
Marquette and Price counties saw those declines. Knapp says for some counties, what originally was designed to lower property taxes found the tax used to increase overall spending....
".....on average, counties were doing more spending. Some, there was a definate shift down in property taxes, but those were the exceptions rather than the rules...."
With a fluctuating economy, the counties saw similar fluctuations in sales tax revenues.
Among the nine counties least dependent on the county sales tax were Forest, Oconto, Florence and Iron counties. Their website is wistax.org
Economy slowly recovering
Wisconsin Taxpayers Alliance Report


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Mom's Attic and the Cost of Downsizing
PORTLAND, Ore. ( TheStreet) -- When I first visited my wife's parents' home just outside of Seattle a few years back, it was also the first time she'd been home since leaving for college and graduate school. With my wife and her sister in new homes of their own, their parents decided to invest in a whole-house remodel that would turn their rooms into guest rooms and the floor they lived on into what was functionally a guest suite and workspace.
For my wife, this meant cleaning 18 years of her life out of her old room in one long Sunday. Trophies, stuffed animals, photos, awards and toys all went into crates in what seemed like the emotional equivalent of cauterizing a wound or ripping a bandage of a hairy arm. I didn't envy her and listened to the stories behind each object filed away, hoping it would provide some catharsis and feeling fortunate that I'd already gone through the same process years ago.
Or so I'd thought. About two years later, as my wife and I were visiting my parents in New Jersey just a few weeks ahead of our move from Boston to Portland, my mom informed me that there were a few boxes in the attic that she wanted me to go through before I left. Inside were spelling bee ribbons, old journals, souvenirs from my long-gone grandparents' trips around the world and other items I'd thought my parents had parted with long ago.
Three large boxes made their way to the Belleville town recycling center, each containing the remnants of my last years as a full-time resident of my parents' house. As was the case with my wife's parents, mine just wanted to reclaim some space and move on from a part of their lives that was growing a bit more distant. My wife and I have discussed those last purges ever since and came to one very sobering conclusion: Keeping those items around was a lot tougher on our parents than it was on us.
Removing emotion from the discussion -- not a terribly easy thing to do when you're discussing the emptying of a family home and defeathering of a well-built nest -- it's a far greater financial obligation for those left holding the boxes of keepsakes than the ones stowing away a few dozen cubic feet of safety blanket. Boston College's Center for Retirement Research, for example, found that downsizing from a $250,000 house to one that costs $150,000 could increase yearly income by $3,000 and reduce annual expenses by $3,250, saving the homeowner $6,250 a year.Check Out Our Best Services for Investors
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My first doubles with Why-u
This photo was shot on film. Taken by metaluna with a Pentax K1000 loaded with svema 100 film. These tags describe this photo: doubles, with, why-u., b&w, boats, water, chains, and skulls.. Date: 2012-08. This photo can also be found in the album Doubles with Why-u.Please login to get more out of this site
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Meet drag racing team VaMu Racing, our local heroes from Finland
Published on 05.7.2012 6:57VaMu Racing is a Finnish drag racing team put together by a group of daredevils with a sense of humor that is displayed in their crazy bikes. These guys have been bike enthusiasts since the 1980s, but decided to make their love for drag racing official in 2009 by establishing VaMu Racing. Currently, they race in the Super Pro Street Bike and the Pro Street Bike series of the Finnish Championships. The team consists of two riders and 3-5 mechanics.
This summer, VaMu Racing will be competing in the following races:
July 16th-17th: Finnish Championship 4th race, Kalajoki, Finland
August 13th: V8 Magazine & GTI Magazine Kiihdytyspäivä, Motopark, Pieksämäki, Finland
August 20th-21st: Finnish Championship 5th race, Motopark, Pieksämäki, Finland
September 2nd-4th: Finnish Championship finals Alastaro, Finland
For more information on VaMu Racing, go to http://www.vamumc.org/vamuracing.htm and https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/VaMu-Racing/29861479557.
Check out VaMu Racing's newest film featuring the second Finnish Championship race in Alastaro, Finland in June:
Welcome to the Battery Energy Drink family, guys.


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Valley BoyGrass Valley native Patrick Brice's new film Creep was just purchased by The Weinstein Company. The actor-director discusses his psychological thriller, his upcoming rom-com with Jason Schwartzman, and how Grass Valley is going Hollywood. |
Sports Agent Don YeeAs a 13-year-old growing up in the capital city, Don Yee broke into sports as a Sacramento Solons batboy. Forty years later, he's still in the business—as the powerful agent for New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton, and other Super Bowl winners. With the new NFL season kicking off on Sept. 4, Yee talks about how his job is like art, why college athletes should be paid, and that time he hand-delivered his mother's fan mail to the Patriots superstar. |
Dancing QueenDrop Dead Diva star Kate Levering makes for one singular sensation in A Chorus Line at Music Circus this summer. |
Game FaceSoccer legend Preki has one name and one objective as the first coach of the new Sacramento Republic FC: Winning. Let the games begin! |
Reintroducing Brent BourgeoisAfter two decades away, singer-songwriter Brent Bourgeois returns to the microphone June 2 with his new solo album Don't Look Back, which features his former Bourgeois Tagg bandmates as well as friends like Todd Rundgren and Julian Lennon. |
The Mad Man ComethAs the final season of AMC's groundbreaking television series Mad Men gets underway this spring, co-star Kevin Rahm is just getting started in his new home of Sacramento. |
Country Star Jon PardiWith two rowdy hit singles, "Up All Night" and "Missin' You Crazy," under his cowboy belt, 28-year-old Dixon native Jon Pardi continues to make his mark on the country music scene with the new release of his debut album, Write You a Song. The rising Nashville star talks about burning up the Billboard charts, touring with platinum-selling artists like Luke Bryan and proudly displaying his Central Valley roots in the Music City. |
Director Michael PolishAs a boy, Michael Polish grew up under the influence of movies playing at the Tower Theatre in Roseville. As a Hollywood director, he has since channeled that love into making his own acclaimed indie films (Twin Falls Idaho, Northfork) and studio fare (The Astronaut Farmer) with his twin brother Mark, an actor and screenwriter. The 43-year-old filmmaker talks about his new Jack Kerouac adaptation Big Sur and how actress Kate Bosworth came to be his leading lady—both on screen and in life. |


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6 Filmmaking Tips from Alain Resnais
Features By Landon Palmer on June 4, 2014 | Be the First To CommentThree weeks before Alain Resnais died this past March, he had premiered his newest film, Life of Riley, at the Berlin Film Festival, which he completed at the age of 91. Resnais enjoyed a uniquely prolific streak of filmmaking in his later years that laughed at the prospect of retirement or death. For a moment it seemed possible that Resnais himself would continue to exist as ceaselessly as the memories that preoccupy his characters; thankfully, with his incredible body of work, Resnais is etched into eternity. Resnais continued to experiment with the limits of cinematic form over fifty years after his career-defining work on Night and Fog, Hiroshima mon amour, and Last Year in Marienbad. The past decade of his career proved that age is no excuse for artistic resignation or repetition – while not nearly as well-known, more recent works including Private Fears in Public Places, Wild Grass, and You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet! challenged the medium with as much audacity and confidence as his canonical earlier works. Debating the status of "reality" in Last Year in Marienbad is one thing; explaining the ending of Wild Grass is another matter entirely. So here is a bit of free film school (for fans and filmmakers alike) from a mind that always exists in both the past and present.
Required Reading: Resnais, Cheap Disposable Superheroes and Toothless Comedy
Movie News By Scott Beggs on March 3, 2014 | Be the First To CommentThe best movie culture writing from around the internet-o-sphere. There will be a quiz later. Just leave a tab open for us, will ya?
Review: Alain Resnais's 'You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet' Lives Up to Its Title
Movie Reviews By Landon Palmer on June 7, 2013 | Be the First To CommentEnter an art deco mansion. A caravan of France's most beloved actors – past and present – enter one at a time. They gather together on pristine leather seats in front of a giant screen. On that screen, a beloved playwright with whom they all worked speaks to them beyond the grave, and declares eternal appreciation to his theater troupe. The butler then projects a video of one of the late playwright's works performed by a young traveling company. The veteran actors are so moved by their recollections of collaboration that they begin reciting the lines and acting it out, with multiple performers playing the same role. Lines of reality blur, and actors enter spaces that may be part of the mansion or may be in their imagined space of the play, as we occasionally return to their bodies, remaining firmly seated on the leather chairs. About an hour in, any distinction between reality and fantasy in the life of theater seems not to matter. This is the central premise of Alain Resnais's newest film, You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet. At over 90 years old, the tireless innovator who brought us Night and Fog and Last Year at Marienbad proves once again fully capable of audaciously exploring uncharted terrain for narrative cinema. Beautiful, difficult, frustrating, and engrossing, You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet is an undeniable accomplishment of form and experimentation.
Short Film: A Library Becomes a Towering Fortress in 'Toute la mémoire du monde'
Features By Daniel Walber on June 4, 2013 | Be the First To CommentWhy Watch? Apparently the French National Library in Paris is the coolest place on earth. At least it was in 1956, through the camera of Alain Resnais. Toute la mémoire du monde is as in-depth a tour as is possible in twenty minutes, skimming through room after room of collected periodicals, books and artifacts. Resnais introduces the library as a fortress built to protect the memory of humanity and frames the enormous institution with consummate grandeur.
NYFF: Haneke's 'Amour' Is a Brilliant, Unflinching Portrait of an Elderly Couple and the Ravages of Time
Movie Reviews By Caitlin Hughes on October 6, 2012 | Be the First To CommentPolice burst into a beautiful Parisian apartment to discover a semi-decomposed elderly woman's body, arranged painstakingly on her bed, surrounded by flowers. There is duck tape around her bedroom door, preventing the smell from coming into the rest of the apartment. Cut to the woman – alive – coming back home with her husband from a concert. How did this become her heartbreaking end? In Michael Haneke's beautifully unflinching Palme d'Or winner Amour, he circles back to this opening scene as he tells the story of Anne (Emmanuelle Riva) and Georges (Jean-Louis Trintignant) and how Anne's debilitating illness tests the parameters of their love for each other. Amour is a great feat in filmmaking, as its near-perfect direction and performances go to emotive depths very rarely achieved onscreen. Anne and George are vibrant, retired music teachers somewhat estranged from their daughter, Eva (Isabelle Huppert), who lives in England with her philandering husband. One morning, Anne prepares Georges a boiled egg for breakfast. She serves it to him, sits at the table, and then suddenly goes blank. She is completely unresponsive to her pleading husband, but as he rushes into his bedroom to start getting help, he hears the running water turn off. When he returns to the kitchen, Anne is just like her normal self and has no recollection of the episode. All seems fine until minutes later when Anne can no longer pour a cup of tea.
NYFF: Alain Resnais' 'You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet' Offers A Bevy of French Talent But Remains at a Surface Level
Movie Reviews By Caitlin Hughes on October 6, 2012 | Be the First To CommentAlain Resnais' You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet bears the director's typical rumination on memory and loss, touching the themes on his cerebral earlier offerings like Hiroshima Mon Amour, Last Year at Marienbad, or his latest, Wild Grass. In his latest work, several famous French actors gather at the home of a deceased playwright who penned a play that they all starred in at one time or another. As they watch a recent filmed version of the play, they end up getting sucked back into the their former roles. Even though the film is brimming with French talent and with Resnais' legacy of filmmaking, it never quite adds up to a satisfying whole. The film is perhaps too self-aware and never quite makes it past the surface. The film's plot is rather simple. Esteemed French actors Mathieu Almaric, Pierre Arditi, Sabine Azéma, Jean-Noël Brouté, Anne Consigny, Anne Duperey, Hippolyte Girardot, Gérard Lartigau, Lambert Wilson, Michel Robin, Jean-Chrétien Sibértin-Blanc, Michel Vuillermoz, and Michel Piccoli (all playing themselves) receive mysterious calls, informing them that their close friend, playwright Antoine d'Anthac (Denis Podalydès) has died. They are given specific instructions by Anthac's butler Marcellin (Andrzej Seweryn) to arrive at one of his many estates at a certain date and time. When they arrive, they learn that he has already been buried. His last wish, as communicated through a pre-recorded video, is for them to watch a video of his latest production of his play "Eurydice" together.
Culture Warrior: Enduring the Clarity and Questions Raised By 'Shoah'
Culture Warrior By Landon Palmer on October 4, 2011 | Be the First To CommentOf all the things associated with its reputation, probably the most immediately apparent aspect of Claude Lanzmann's incredible Holocaust documentary Shoah (1985) is its daunting, mammoth running time of nine and a half hours. While Shoah has, then and now, been lauded as an incredible achievement in cinema, its running time has contributed to an understanding of the film as primarily a project of historical documentation. In using no archival footage and only capturing the contemporary lives of Holocaust survivors, historians, scholars, and the occasional aging Nazi functionary complicit in evil's banality, all juxtaposed with extensive footage of the ruins and landscapes of the Polish grounds where these crimes against humanity took place, Shoah is typically understood to be an important means of making permanent the words of those involved long after their lifetime. Shoah is certainly a service to the preservation of history, and watching it twenty-six years after its original release (add a decade or less to the time when many of its subjects were originally filmed), I couldn't help but wonder how many of these individuals have since passed on, which makes me thankful that Lanzmann made these efforts in the first place. Shoah's contribution to history is an essential one that should never be underestimated, but this shouldn't prevent us from examining and appreciating Shoah as an incredible cinematic achievement as well.
Criterion Files #197: 'Night and Fog' Makes the Atrocities of the Past Devastatingly Present
Criterion Files By Landon Palmer on September 29, 2011 | Be the First To CommentOne major aspect of the Nazi propaganda machine that gained their support from the German people was their promotion of nostalgia. And like any form of nostalgia (and especially in nostalgia's frequent political function), this was a selective nostalgia, decidedly exploiting certain tropes and icons of German history and heritage. A major component of this nostalgia was the promotion of nature as the means of returning to pure German identity. Nature provided a convenient contrast to the values that the Nazi party wanted to work against, and it's opposite – the urban center – was the focal point of all they problems they perceived Germany as having been misguided by, most explicitly centralized in the supposed decadence of 1920s Berlin. The political, aesthetic, and sexual aspirations (not to mention the diversity) of the Weimar period posed a threat to the ideals of tradition, uniformity, and the assumed hierarchy of specific social roles. This nostalgic and romantic preoccupation with nature is readily available in German cultural products of the 1920s and 30s. Anybody who has seen Inglourious Basterds (2009) is familiar with the "mountain film," or "bergfilme" genre that had peaked by this point. This genre was popular years before the Third Reich took power, and its prevalence speaks volumes to the German peoples' preoccupation with nature leading up to the Hitler's rise to power. Leni Riefenstahl, perhaps the most famous of Nazi-era filmmakers, starred in mountain films and went onto make Olympia (1938) and Triumph of the Will (1935), a […]
Disc Spotlight: One Day in the Life of Andrei Arsenevich
Disc Spotlight By Landon Palmer on August 16, 2011 | Be the First To CommentFor a filmmaker who completed only seven feature films in his lifetime, Andrei Tarkovsky has made an enormous impact. In addition to his artistry, perhaps the enduring fascination with his work has to do with the story of a life cut short. After all, several European filmmakers who were born before Tarkovsky, like Jean-Luc Godard and Alain Resnais, are still around and making new films. Each of Tarkovsky's seven films are brilliant works that each possess an ambition towards perfection and cinematic transcendence, but when bringing the filmmaker's abrupt death by lung cancer into the equation it's difficult to avoid the saddened feeling that there's a great deal more time-sculpting he had left to share. So it makes sense then that the number of documentaries about Tarkovsky (or prominently feature the filmmaker) far exceed the number of films the director himself completed, and this fact gives a clear indication of his broad cinematic influence. These films are made because people want more, and desire to understand the depth of Tarkovsky's work better. Films like Voyage in Time (1983), Moscow Elegy (1987), Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky (1988), and Meeting Andrei Tarkovsky (2008) have examined the auteur's method, life, philosophy, and impact. But easily the best documentary about Tarkovsky thus far is French visual essayist Chris Marker's One Day in the Life of Andrei Arsenevich (1999), recently released on DVD by Icarus Films.
Review: Jean-Luc Godard's 'Film Socialisme' Seeks to End Language
Movie Reviews By Landon Palmer on June 2, 2011 | Comments (4)afilm a symphonie threemovements deathof language The above "sentence" would probably be the most appropriate way to describe French filmmaking legend Jean-Luc Godard's latest (and possibly his last) film, Film Socialisme. The fragmentary and strangely juxtaposed words above are not only an (unsuccessful) attempt to describe an incredibly abstruse film, but it is also an attempt to do so in the film's selected stylistic "language": rather than traditional full-sentence subtitles, these are the type of words we see at the bottom of the screen whenever a character or narrator speaks. I can barely recognize only a few select words in French myself, but from what I can tell the characters, while often speaking esoterically in conversations motivated without typical movie-logic contextualization, rarely actually speak in fragments, but in full sentences. So the subtitles for non-French-speaking audiences are a deliberately obscuring selection of the words actually spoken, and they often arrive late in their juxtaposition of words spoken and occasionally seem to have no direct correspondence whatsoever. This is not to suggest that the unique subtitling in the international release of Film Socialisme somehow "obscures" non-French speakers from understanding the film's meaning. In one sense, the film is incredibly difficult to follow no matter what language(s) one knows, but in another, the film's meaning is plainly available in this multilingual wordplay.
Year in Review: Top 10 Topics, Trends, and Events of 2010 That Have Nothing to Do With the 3D Debate
2010 Year in Review By Landon Palmer on December 28, 2010 | Be the First To CommentIt's that time of the year again: that brief span of time in between Christmas and New Year's when journalists, critics, and cultural commentators scramble to define an arbitrary block of time even before that block is over with. To speculate on what 2010 will be remembered for is purely that: speculation. But the lists, summaries, and editorials reflecting on the events, accomplishments, failures, and occurrences of 2010 no doubt shape future debate over what January 1-December 31, 2010 will be remembered for personally, nostalgically, and historically. How we refer to the present frames how it is represented in the future, even when contradictions arise over what events should be valued from a given year. In an effort to begin that framing process, what I offer here is not a critical list of great films, but one that points out dominant cultural conversations, shared trends, and intersecting topics (both implicit and explicit) that have occurred either between the films themselves or between films and other notable aspects of American social life in 2010. As this column attempts to establish week in and week out, movies never exist in a vacuum, but instead operate in active conversation with one another. Thus, a movie's cultural context should never be ignored. So, without further adieu, here is my overview of the Top 10 topics, trends, and events of the year that have nothing to do with the 3D debate.
Criterion Files #522: Red Desert
Criterion Files By Landon Palmer on September 8, 2010 | Be the First To CommentLet's just get this out of the way first. I think Red Desert (1964) is Michelangelo Antonioni's very best film. Better than L'Avventura, better than The Passenger, and better than Blow-Up (though I've never been a huge fan of the latter). In some ways it's one of Antonioni's oddest films, and in others it flirts with inaccessibility, but not only is the film beautiful, it's poignant and explores a fascinating array of themes. It's heavy, it's a breakthrough, and it's profound.
Criterion Files #478: Last Year at Marienbad
Criterion Files By Landon Palmer on August 25, 2010 | Comments (1)Alain Resnais is one my favorite filmmakers, and it's largely because of his early work. Between Night and Fog (1955), Hiroshima mon amour (1959), and this week's film, Last Year at Marienbad (1961), Resnais' late 50s-early 60s work represents a sort of trilogy meditating on the themes of trauma and memory. While these first two films address these subjects specifically in regard to resonating painful memories of WWII (the subject of Night and Fog being concentration camps, and Hiroshima mon amour clearly being Hiroshima), Marienbad's narrative avenue towards this subject isn't rooted in globally relevant history. Rather, Last Year at Marienbad switches gears to tell a story of memory loss between two socialites at a baroque hotel, one of whom (the man, played by Girgio Albertazzi) remembers a brief but passionate affair from the previous year, while the other (the woman, played by Delphine Seyrig) doesn't.
[FSR Retro] Fosse to Fuller: The Ultimate Cannes 1980 Preview
Features By Landon Palmer on April 1, 2010 | Comments (4)Our Culture Warrior Landon Palmer digs into next month's Cannes line up so you won't have to. Learn what to look out for when they hit the states and feign sounding cultured at parties!
Culture Warrior: 8 Great Directors You Should Know More About
Culture Warrior By Landon Palmer on January 19, 2010 | Comments (9)Reject Radio: Episode 34 – Resplendent Spheres
Movie News By Scott Beggs on January 18, 2010 | Be the First To CommentThis week, on a very special episode or Reject Radio, Landon Palmer attempts to explain why his fascination with nun orgies hasn't gotten his Masters degree taken away from him.
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Front running
Front running is Wall Street jargon referring to a trader profiting from known information about a block of stock to be traded that could affect the stock price in a significant way.
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Institutional investors often trade large blocks of stock, which can be difficult to trade on the exchanges. Hence, many block sales are privately negotiated but still must be reported on the exchange. Buyer and seller place limit orders at the specified price, which the specialist can see on his book.
In order to execute the block trade the buyer or seller must execute the orders that stand between the market price and the agreed transaction price. In front running, the specialist or stock insiders place their own orders between the market and agreed prices knowing that they will be immediately executed at a profit.


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To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee, is one of the best-loved novels of the 20th century. But for the last 50 years, the novel's celebrated author, Harper Lee, has said almost nothing on the record. Journalists have trekked to her hometown of Monroeville, Alabama, where Harper Lee, known to her friends as Nelle, has lived with her sister, Alice, for decades, trying and failing to get an interview with the author. But in 2001, the Lee sisters opened their door to Chicago Tribune journalist Marja Mills. It was the beginning of a long conversation - and a great friendship.
In 2004, with the Lees' blessing, Mills moved into the house next door to the sisters. She spent the next 18 months there, sharing coffee at McDonalds and trips to the Laundromat with Nelle, feeding the ducks and going out for catfish supper with the sisters, and exploring all over lower Alabama with the Lees' inner circle of friends.
Nelle shared her love of history, literature, and the Southern way of life with Mills, as well as her keen sense of how journalism should be practiced. As the sisters decided to let Mills tell their story, Nelle helped make sure she was getting the story - and the South - right. Alice, the keeper of the Lee family history, shared the stories of their family.
The Mockingbird Next Door is the story of Mills's friendship with the Lee sisters. It is a testament to the great intelligence, sharp wit, and tremendous storytelling power of these two women, especially that of Nelle.
Mills was given a rare opportunity to know Nelle Harper Lee, to be part of the Lees' life in Alabama, and to hear them reflect on their upbringing, their corner of the Deep South, how To Kill a Mockingbird affected their lives, and why Nelle Harper Lee chose to never write another novel.
©2014 Marja Mills (P)2014 Penguin Audio
"Story has nothing new to say about Harper Lee"
Oddly enough, the question of whether Harper Lee or her sister Alice contributed to this book can be argued without a genuine resolution. They are elderly, but not all elderly people are incompetent. The question can be; could this author have gathered her stories about the sisters without ever having spoken with them, and she pretty much could have. Which does not say she didn't speak to them, about the article she wrote about encouraging everyone in Chicago to read the same book at the same time, To Kill a Mockingbird. Although this is a an interesting, well written discussion about the woman who wrote to Kill a Mockingbird and her hometown, there is nothing new here. The book is well written, interesting, if you are new to Harper Lee's history, but if Harper Lee says she did not agree or contribute to a book, there is every reason to believe her.
A voracious reader, especially for a dog. Of course, terriers are superior. Not bragging. Just true.
"Okay, But Misleading Title"
A new title. No real insights into Harper Lee; more about her sister and day-to-day life in a small Southern town. Not crazy about the reader.
The most interesting part was a few glimpses into Harper Lee's life, e.g. she doesn't have laundry facilities and home and uses a laundromat. Also, depiction of life among the seniors in flyover country. The least interesting? The depiction of life among the seniors in flyover country - eventually it got pretty repetitive and, at times, tedious.Harper Lee's older sister "Miss Alice," an attorney who practiced through her 90s and beyond, was much more interesting and forthcoming.
Unfortunately, yes.
Not a thing - except maybe why a woman in her 40s on medical disability leave for Lupus would even consider adopting a baby. A very brief passage in the book.
I have very mixed feelings about this book, although, despite the controversy, I have no doubt that Harper Lee and her sister did indeed know that she was writing it. In fact, that was part of the problem - no real insight or revelations out of respect for the subject(s). It was kind of interesting in terms of a glimpse of the down-to-earth life of Harper Lee and some of her background. But it would have made a better magazine feature than book. I also had some issues with the reader. Perhaps her Southern accents and "character" voices were authentic, but they sounded like exaggerations and got a little annoying.
I am an avid eclectic reader.
"A Charming Book"
I found this to be a charming book and very readable book. No reporter has gotten close to the reclusive writer other than Maja Mills. In 2001 she flew to Monroeville Alabama to write about her for The Chicago Tribune. She told Alice about the Chicago library's "One Book, One City" to celebrate the 41 anniversary of the publishing of "To Kill A Mockingbird". To Mills surprise the sisters gave her a brief interview. Alice Finch Lee was born in 1911 and is the older sister. She is the measured steady one and is still a practicing attorney. Maja Mills had been diagnosed with Lupus in 2004 and was out on disability from The Chicago Tribune. Consequently, she moved to Monroeville, Alabama next door to the Lee sisters home. Mills states the move was with the permission of the Mills sister and with the understanding she was going to write a book. She entered easily into the world of the Lee's and their friends. They all shared aching joints and free time to talk about books, local history, to go fishing and long car rides into the country. The book provides a rich sense of the daily texture of the Lee sister's lives.
The author is respectful guest of the Lee sisters, so don't expect insider gossip. Mills describes Nelle Harper Lee (born 1926) as a down-to-earth, self assured, spirited, spontaneous, quick-witted and passionate. She is also impatient and has a temper. The author repeatedly tells of what good company the Lee sisters are. When ask about the name Harper they explain the middle name Harper, was a tribute to the doctor who saved the life of Louise (the middle sister). Mills delves into Harper Lee's relationship with Truman Capote, who appears as Dill Harris in "Too Kill A Mockingbird". Truman lived with his aunt next door to the Lee's a few years when they were all children.
The publisher delayed the publishing of the book because Harper Lee published a letter saying she did not participate in the book and did not authorize it. Alice Lee wrote a letter to the publisher saying both she and Harper Lee participated knowingly and willing in the book. So the publisher went ahead with the release of the book.
"To Kill A Mockingbird" was published in 1960, won the Pulitzer Prize and became a classic of American literature. It still sells some 750,000 copies annually and is now sold in e-book and audio format. Harper Lee stopped talking to the press in 1965.
I enjoyed the book and found it to a relaxing read. Amy Lynn Stewart did an excellent job narrating the book.
"Our Book Club Will Love This Book!"
I found myself loving Alice, the eldest sister of Harper Lee. Harper has her reasons for her wish and need for privacy. I can accept that and her reasons are none of our business and yet, she did reach out to this young woman and did share. I felt the sharing was warm and intimate. I did not feel it an invasion of privacy. I appreciated hearing the bits and pieces of their lives, their character and loves.
Living as a transplant to a small rural Southern town myself I did grow to understand things that eluded me such as our book club members clinging to the "home place". After listening to the book I now understand that it is an inner draw, a history, a belonging.
I feel richer for the book. I am glad I listened.
"Be mindful"
I liked how this book came together. The author with health challenges was forced to slow down and pay attention to the real details of Harpers way of life and her reasons for denying herself of writing another novel. I enjoyed the slow pace of this memoir or biography of Harper Lee. I loved the relationship and trust that developed between the author and Harper Lee. To get the most from this book I was required to slow down while listening to this book. If you like stories that are like real life this is an excellent choice. Just remember to be mindful of the beautiful details of the relationships and common, but frequently missed, opportunities to experience what is important and rewarding in our lives.
"The story is rather repetitive"
I am a great fan of the book, To Kill A Mockingbird. I googled the author of this book and read several links about her relationship with Harper Lee, as well as the original story she did for the newspaper. Then I read her book and I found it to be a rehash of the newspaper article. From all I have read about Harper Lee she can be a rather prickly person - and her dismissal of this author's facts seems to follow her personality. I don't doubt that Marja Mills had cooperation with the Lee sisters and then later on Harper Lee changed her mind because of her aversion to publicity. At the same time, the author isn't actually breaking any new ground with her experiences with Miss Alice Lee and Harper Lee.
Retired Political Science professor from a community college. Especially like Legal Thrillers.
A good account oh Nell Harper Lee and her older sister, Alice. Doesn't concentrate on the book as much asI had expected. Provides a good look at a small Southern town and the social arrangements that exist there.
A digital media consultant and business strategist. I'm a lifelong lover of books in all forms.
"This Memoir Stands on its Own Merits"
Warm affectionate storytelling.
I think this book is unique. It's in the style of "new journalism" which means it's journalistic non-fiction reporting but the journalist is also part of the story. It really works here.
She captures the tone of the author really well and her portrayal of Nelle Harper Lee and her sister Alice is believable.
An elusive literary legend as next door neighbor.
The book stands on it's own merit. This is not a straight-up biography of Harper Lee. It's the author's personal memoir of the months and years she spent getting to know Nelle Harper Lee, her sister Alice, their close friends and the community of Monroeville, AL. There is important biographical information about the author of "To Kill a Mockingbird" but the book is so much more than that.
"Sensitive, nonjudgemental, well written"
Well narrated, interestingly written. Journalist, Marya Mills respectfully, with humor and affection, shares her observations and the stories she gleans from Nell Harper Lee (To Kill a Mockingbird), and Nell's older sister, Alice -- in their 70's & 90's, respectively, when Mills meets and develops a close friendship with them. It is with their blessing that she documents their stories as well as those shared by friends and others from their Alabama hometown, with the intent that Harper Lee's life is truthfully told.
I'm now going to read To Kill a Mockingbird again!
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