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Hey all,
I am currently seeking PVP players for competition War Games / Battlegrounds. Prizes will be set up at a later stage as we start to obtain interest among the community and as other guilds build their teams. This will be a ladder based tournament. From Ashes Rise currently being a PVE / PVP team consisting mostly of PUGs is working breath life into the server and provide guidance to its players, If you are interested please contact me via in game or head over to our website farsaurfang.enjin.com We will provide payed transfers for the right people. |
Hey Zephinism,
That is correct it will be a 2v2 ladder tournament which will be held by me and Dasst, Currently we have been going around to guilds giving our ideas basically we are attempting to bring more players to Saurfang as others are only focused on raiding and the game is slowly dieing out so the idea is to bring something new and fun. Will be bringing alliance teams into the mix so yes you will be able to take them on. |
This is a great idea, however may I make one suggestion?!
Why not host a 3v3 ladder tournament due to the competitive nature behind the bracket. I have a handful of people that would gladly participate. 2v2 is very linear, games wont be as entertaining or nearly as challenging. On a side note, have you thought about streaming and commentating the event? This may be a tad overboard but it would add some excitement to the tournament as a whole. |
1 Gnome Warrior
Tealc will win this on his own he wont even need a 3v3 team
Good to see people are willing to sign up for the idea, I think yes we will look at the 3v3 bracket as we need to get the interest level going. I will be running streams and seeking players to commentate. These will most likely be held in open PVE arenas so players may come and watch.
Real items and in game items will be given as prizes, I would really like to give something new to the community and get everyone really working together to provide a fun environment to our server. |
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The Vaddio WallVIEW 70 PTZ Wall-Mounted Pan/Tilt/Zoom Camera System includes the Sony EVI-D70 PTZ Camera, a thin profile wall-mount Bracket for the camera, and the EZCamera Cabling System that allows the installer to use CAT5 cabling to run power, video, and camera control. The included PowerRite power supply provides the right amount of power required for proper operation of the camera over CAT5 cabling.
The included ceiling- and wall-mountable Sony EVI-D70 Standard Definition PTZ Camera combines a high-quality 1/4 type EXview HAD CCD image sensor with the flexibility of a remote pan/tilt/zoom operation, all in a compact easy-to-use package. This camera incorporates a wider pan/tilt range with an 18x optical zoom lens and a faster pan/tilt mechanism.
The Sony EVI-D70 Standard Definition PTZ Camera can be wall-mounted using the included white 70 Thin Profile Wall Mount Bracket. This wall mount has heavy-duty metal construction with cable access openings for in-wall or exposed wall installations. It includes tripod screw and mounting hardware.
The included IR Remote Commander allows the user to control the Sony EVI-D70 Standard Definition PTZ Camera.
The included EZCamera Cabling System allows the installer to use CAT5 cable to run power, video, and camera control. Video Balun technology is used in this system to extend the range of the video signal and allow it to work on CAT5 cable. The PowerRite Camera Power System includes a high-output power supply and a power regulator to maintain the right voltage over CAT5 cable.
The included EZCamera Shoe Interface is a plug-in shoe that integrates the Sony EVI-D70 Camera to the EZCamera Cable System. The shoe interface converts camera outputs to 3 RJ-45 jacks. The first jack provides power and video, the second jack provides primary camera control signaling, and the third provides daisy-chain camera control to additional Sony PTZ Cameras.
The included EZCamera Quick-Connect Box is a small box that converts power, S-Video, and composite video into a single CAT5 cable.
- 1CCD Image Device
- 18x lens
- EZCamera Cable System for video, power, and control over CAT5 cabling
- Thin profile wall mount bracket and power supply


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News anchor Katie Couric arrives for the funeral for former White... News Photo 81964086Arrival,Basillica,CBS News,Former,Funeral,Government,Immaculate Conception,Journalist,Katie Couric,National Shrine,Newscaster,Politics,Tony Snow,USA,Vertical,Washington DCPhotographer Chip SomodevillaCollection: Getty Images News 2008 Getty ImagesWASHINGTON - JULY 17: CBS News anchor Katie Couric arrives for the funeral for former White House Press Secretary Tony Snow at the Basillica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception July 17, 2008 in Washington, DC. U.S. President George W. Bush and first lady Laura Bush attended the funeral for Snow, who died Saturday after a long battle with colon cancer. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)


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Target + Neiman Marcus Holiday 2012 Collection Video
Last week I posted about the Target + Neiman Marcus Holiday 2012 Collection which will debut December 1st. Now here's a behind-the-scenes look at the 24 CFDA designers who created exclusive product for this collection, as well as Stacia Andersen, senior vice president of merchandising for Target's home division, and Ken Downing, Fashion Director of Neiman Marcus. I'm super excited to see the collection, can't wait for images to release. For more info and full list of designers, click here.


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Ying-Hung Nicole Tsang and Acacia Lamb contributed equally to this work.
New insights into the inactivation of gastric tumor suppressor RUNX3: The role of H. pylori infection†
Article first published online: 25 JAN 2011
DOI: 10.1002/jcb.22964
Copyright © 2010 Wiley-Liss, Inc.
Additional Information
How to Cite
Tsang, Y.-H. N., Lamb, A. and Chen, L.-F. (2011), New insights into the inactivation of gastric tumor suppressor RUNX3: The role of H. pylori infection . J. Cell. Biochem., 112: 381–386. doi: 10.1002/jcb.22964
- †
Publication History
- Issue published online: 25 JAN 2011
- Article first published online: 25 JAN 2011
- Accepted manuscript online: 6 DEC 2010 12:00AM EST
- Manuscript Accepted: 15 NOV 2010
- Manuscript Received: 12 NOV 2010
Funded by
- NIH. Grant Number: DK-085158
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Salt Lake City Supercross 2012 450 Main Event
by Metacafe Affiliate U (04/29/12) 1,788 views
salt lake city supercross sx 2012 450 main event RD16 round 16 moto...
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There's a new meme -- and these guys are going to stop it. Maybe.
Food that's so comfortable, it'll make you pass out.
In honor of Halloween, which apparently occurs at some point in the near future, we thought we'd go back to one of the classic horror films, A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Ownage Pranks put up a Craigslist ad offering free voice acting lessons. An enthusiastic man responded back right away, and the things they got him to repeat were absolutely hilarious.
We're going the Hollywood route and releasing this video in two parts. You can give us a sin for that, but frankly, we had no choice.


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I just read a review in the Boston Globe of an art exhibit "Constable, Gainsborough, Turner and the Making of Landscape" at the Royal Academy of Art at Burlington House (near Piccadilly) December – February, 2013. Sounds great.
So I checked out the BURLINGTON HOUSE and found that the property also houses five learned societies including:
• Geological Society of London (Piccadilly/east wing)
• Linnean Society of London (Piccadilly/west wing)
• Royal Astronomical Society (west wing)
• Society of Antiquaries of London (west wing)
• Royal Society of Chemistry (east wing)
According to its website, "Burlington House is most familiar to the general public as the venue for the Royal Academy's temporary art exhibitions." I expect to check upcoming shows to see what is offered in late spring when I hope to return to London.
Just wondering what your impressions are if you have visited the Royal Academy of Arts or attended events at any of the other five "learned" societies.
So much to do and see in London…
Curious about BURLINGTON HOUSE in London, the Royal Academy of Art?
9 Replies | Jump to last reply |
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Yes - have visited several times - when they have their annual exhibition (I think June) which has hundreds of works exhibited - from well-known artists to amateurs who are more or less talented. There are always a few I'm interested in buying (of the latter) but they usually already have ared dot on them (sold).
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March is the interesting time as it's when there's a selling exhibition where you DON'T know who the artist is until after purchase
http://dams.rca.ac.uk/res/sites/RCA_Secret/ -
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NYtraveler, interesting. Does the Royal Academy have a permanent collection or are the exhibits all temporary?
I would also be interesting in a tour of the facility which, I believe, are offered on a regular basis. -
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There are a couple of minor (by London standards), free, permanent exhibitions (just the odd Michelangelo or other Old Master) at the RA, mostly in and around the Fine Rooms (http://www.royalacademy.org.uk/ra-magazine/winter-2011/academy-news-ra-collection,320,RAMA.html) There are usually also free temporary exhibitions in the display galleries, separate from whatever blockbuster's on or being prepared/wound down in the main galleries, and it's possible to ask to get access to some of the permanent collection not on display. Even if there's no current blockbuster, or you're not interested, the minor temporary shows, as well as the Fine Rooms, can be interesting, or unexpectedly quirky(the current 'Almost Real Art' is a hoot)
It's also (certainly if you live here) worth buying a Friends membership - not just to get into the blockbusters free and more easily, but because there are a number of events across the year either showcasing things connected with the exhibitions or just issues an organiser might thing members want to hear about/look at.
The other societies mainly, as far as most of us are concerned, offer public lectures/symposia, and you need to . google each of the societies individually. The public events aren't everyone's cup of tea, but they're generally of a very high standard, both as pieces of scholarship and in their BBC/Economist-style obsession with making complex and arcane subjects understandable to intelligent generalists. -
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Hi Alan Row,
That "selling exhibition where you DON'T know who the artist is until after purchase" sounds like fun, although I probably wouldn't bid – but who knows? Thanks for the heads-up.
FlannerUK, I appreciate your insider's info about Burlington House. Got a kick out of your apt description:
"The public events aren't everyone's cup of tea, but they're generally of a very high standard, both as pieces of scholarship and in their BBC/Economist-style obsession with making complex and arcane subjects understandable to intelligent generalists."
LOL – been to many similar presentations in Boston & Cambridge. I have a pretty high tolerance for what others deem "dull and boring." I will stay tuned and maybe drop in to one of these lectures if time permits.
Are you familiar with CHATHAM HOUSE, Flanner? They offer some "reach" events also in matters of public policy. -
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Chatham House lectures are mostly restricted to members: membership starts at £100 a year.
The general winner in the "free accessible lectures on difficult subjects" stakes is usually held to be the Royal Institution (www.rigb.org), quite close to Burlington House, with an interesting science museum, organised tours and an especially famous course of Christmas lectures now coming up to their 200th anniversary as well as their year-round activities..
They're hotly pursued by the Royal Society (http://royalsociety.org), which has - like the RIGB and Burlington House societies - an exceptionally pretty building.
Other lectures at http://lecturelist.org/, though there's no really comprehensive list of these things. -
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I heard a lecture by the Marchioness of Salisbury on the gardens of Hatfield House at the Linnean Society. In my naivte, I had not realised that it would be overscribed and only got in because I told the doorman that I had come from Lincolnshire especially for the talk.
The Royal Academy has a very nice gift shop and restaurant, also stellar loos. In case you are interested, the Summer Exhibition marks the start of the London season. -
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I was going to hop on here to recommend the 'Bronze' exhibition at the Royal Academy (which I took my family to a few weeks ago) as it is one of the best curated temporary exhibitions I've ever seen.
Unfortunately I just checked the website and found out it finished yesterday...
I've always found the RA to be less crowded than the 'major' galleries and always worth a visit. I'm still not sure whether to be grateful or angry at having seen 'Sensation' and the mainstream launch of the whole YBA thing there back in '97.
I also second flanner's suggestion of getting a friends membership.
As an additional bonus, you can pop 'round the corner to Vigo Street and see a plaque commemorating where Allen Lane began publishing Penguin books. -
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FlannerUK, appreciate the info. Boy, you do get around. I'll check out Chatham House again. Although I won't be paying £100 for membership, I am sure that it is worth it for those who live in the London area and are interested in such subjects. Many of their talks are on Youtube.
Tarquin, thanks for the heads up – "The Royal Academy has a very nice gift shop and restaurant, also stellar loos." Good to know. I believe that another Fodorite mentioned attending a lecture at the Linnean Society housed in (near?) Burlington House in her trip report a while back.
Jay_G: "I've always found the RA to be less crowded than the 'major' galleries and always worth a visit." Also good to know. I plan to visit the Courtauld Gallery in Somerset House which has a great collection of French Impressionist paintings.
When I planned my last trip to London, I overlooked the Courtauld because the word "gallery" to me suggests exhibits where high end works are for sale, rather than just on display.
Again, thanks to all…
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The Global Intelligence Files
On Monday February 27th, 2012, WikiLeaks began publishing The Global Intelligence Files, over five million e-mails from the Texas headquartered "global intelligence" company Stratfor. The e-mails date between July 2004 and late December 2011. They reveal the inner workings of a company that fronts as an intelligence publisher, but provides confidential intelligence services to large corporations, such as Bhopal's Dow Chemical Co., Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, Raytheon and government agencies, including the US Department of Homeland Security, the US Marines and the US Defence Intelligence Agency. The emails show Stratfor's web of informers, pay-off structure, payment laundering techniques and psychological methods.
Re: [latam] Fwd: [OS] BRAZIL -PT´s relation with FA RC was debated between candidates for vice-president
Released on 2013-02-13 00:00 GMT
Email-ID | 2047779 |
Date | unspecified |
From | firstname.lastname@example.com |
To | firstname.lastname@example.com |
time this month. For many years not only PT but a lot of leftist
"intelectuals" in general perceived FARC as another peasant social
movement that decided to use guerrila warfare strategy to take power. The
opposition always labelled them as drug dealers. The left supported FARC
for many years. If now they openly agree that FARC is a criminal
organization that finances itself from their drug sales then they will
look really bad in the eyes of the society and worse yet it will give
plenty of arguments to the opposition to attack them. PT needs to maintain
its leftist identity, but it canA't afford to be related to
drugtrafficking because just like in Colombia, Brazil suffers from this
kind of activity.
Paulo Gregoire
From: "Reva Bhalla" <firstname.lastname@example.com>
To: "LatAm AOR" <firstname.lastname@example.com>
Sent: Tuesday, August 17, 2010 4:58:04 PM
Subject: Re: [latam] Fwd: [OS] BRAZIL -PTA's relation with FARC was
debated between candidates for vice-president
That's really interesting, and makes sense. Not only does Brazil have
strategic interest in avoiding taking sides in this spat, but there are
some very valid political interests as well. Does the FORO still exist?
Can you elaborate on why it is easier for LulaA's administration to
perceive FARC as a radical movement and not relate them to
On Aug 17, 2010, at 3:47 PM, Michael Wilson wrote:
ahh that explains the statement
already proving your worth
Paulo Gregoire wrote:
FYI, this is not conspiracy theory from the opposition during election
time. PTA's relation with FARC is old. Of course, once PT came to
power they tried to distance themselves a bit from FARC. Many people
make this connection because FARC is part of the FORUM of Sao Paulo
since 1990. FORUM de Sao Paulo was created by PT. In 2000, I
remembering witnessing in Porto Alegre during the first world social
forum, the governor of Rio grande do Sul at the time, Olivio Dutra
(LulaA's future minister of cities) not allowing the federal police to
arrest some of FARCA's members who were being wanted by the police.
This brings the issue why Brazil has said that FARC is ColombiaA's
internal issue. Brazil does not want to deal with FARC because too
many people within LulaA's administration have or had connections
with them. If it becomes a regional issue and FARC is labelled as a
terrorist/criminal organization, PT will be in a delicate situation.
It is easier for LulaA's administration to perceive FARC as a radical
movement and not relate them to drugtrafficking. There havenA't been
confirmations of this but there were investigations going on saying
that FARC helped financially with LulaA's political campaign.
PolA-amica sobre Farc opAue Temer e Indio no debate promovido pelo
por Bruno Siffredi
SeAS:A-L-o: EleiAS:Aues
17.agosto.2010 09:14:26
Michel Temer (PMDB), A*ndio da Costa (DEM) e Guilherme Leal (PV) que
disputam a Vice-PresidA-ancia do Brasil, se encontraram nesta terAS:a,
A s 10 horas na sede do Grupo Estado para debate, transmitido ao vivo
pela TV EstadA-L-o na internet.
Respondendo a perguntas de leitores, internautas e jornalistas, os
candidatos que compAuem as chapas dos trA-as presidenciA!veis mais bem
colocados nas pesquisas de intenAS:A-L-o de voto debateram por cerca
de duas horas. Indio teve postura mais agressiva, questionando o
governo Lula e as posiAS:Aues de Dilma. Ele comentou novamente a
ligaAS:A-L-o do PT com as Farc, reacendendo a polA-amica do Anicio da
Paulo Gregoire
Michael Wilson
Watch Officer, STRATFOR
Office: (512) 744 4300 ex. 4112
Email: email@example.com


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Rapper and actor Bow Wow is unfazed by reports he's a wanted man after a Georgia judge released an order for police to arrest him on sight over the weekend.
The "Like You" hit maker, real name Shad Moss, is charged with being in contempt after failing to obey a 2009 Tennessee court order demanding he hand over almost $100,000 to a tour bus company to settle an unpaid bill.
RELATED: Trouble With the Law 2011
The firm's bosses took the case to Georgia, where Bow Wow now lives, to enforce the order, and a judge recently told state law officials to take the star into custody until he could produce documents and information regarding the case.
The 24-year-old, who has yet to be arrested, is due to perform in France on Tuesday, and he is confident the legal news won't interfere with his tour plans.
RELATED: Best Celeb Mug Shots
On Monday, the defiant rapper took to Twitter, posting a screen grab from one of his films, depicting him sitting in a jail cell, alongside the caption: "Been here before.... Haha."
RELATED: Chris Brown and Bow Wow Spend Fortune at Strip Club
He added, "All i know is im (sic) on a World Tour and i gotta sold out show in Paris France tomar (tomorrow). All they (sic) doing is making my album gain momentum."
A rep for Bow Wow tells E! that their client "recently hired a new legal team to resolve this and another pending legal matter," adding that "his attorneys are handling the affairs through the proper channel and plan to have everything resolved soon."
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Do you like Muse's Olympic anthem?
June, 28, 2012
By Zach McCann | ESPN.com
Nothing brings the world together like the Olympics. And if you're a rock band, there's no better way to be heard around the world than by having your song named the official anthem of the Olympics.
Muse, the English rock band that's sold more than 15 million records worldwide since the mid-1990s, will be heard across the globe this summer as their song "Survival" has been named the London Olympics' official song.
After a soft, strings-laden intro, Muse breaks into its distinctive rock opera style as lead singer Matthew Bellamy belts out, "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Win! Win! Win! Win!"
Our friends over at SportsNation would like to know what you think of the song, so feel free to head on over to their site and provide your input.
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Network Blogs up to April 3
Network Blogs
What is meant by Network Blogs. I really want to know about this. I think it is very interesting and powerful of the bloggers.
Utah Drug TreatmentPosted 08-21-2008 at 06:34 AM by smit -
Getting started with blogs
How about feeding the monster with a rss feed? per your own member blog of course. See how I have a Snowrev.com feed of 6 posts in my http://shoptheblend.com/blog sidebar.
Is that possible?
I love regurgitating dataPosted 04-30-2008 at 11:31 AM by Suburban Blend -
Getting started with blogs
The blog addition is a fun addition to this website. Very cool! I wonder what peoples thoughts are on the intellitext ads...hmmmmPosted 01-22-2008 at 02:13 PM by clockwork


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Used Hyundai Tucson Ratings
Getting firsthand information from an actual car owner is one sure way to get an idea of car performance once it leaves the lot. Autobytel features real consumer reviews that give the unbiased experience of a car.
2007 Hyundai Tucson - Limited (A4) FWD
Pros: Don't have to bend down to get things out of the trunk, I like the swing up rear door.
Cons: Gas mileage and the stiff ride.
Advice: Don't be sold by the low price. Check out other similar vehicles first.
Purchased my 2007 Tucson last August. At that time I was getting 23-24 mpg. During this past winter mileage went down to 21 and has stayed there. Was hoping for better mileage. However on the plus side, the vehicle handled great in all the snow and ice we had this winter. It held the road well. The ride is a bit stiff and firm, especially noticeable on bumpy roads. I traded in a Pontiac Bonneville for my new Tucson. After the soft cushiony ride of the Bonneville, it took a bit to get used to the Tucson ride. My Tucson with the V6 has plenty of power. -
2007 Hyundai Tucson - GLS (M5) 4x4
Pros: 4-wheel drive and electronic stability control.
Cons: Engine noise above 60 mph.
Advice: Don't expect 28-32 mpg like advertised.
I purchased my 2007 Tucson about two months ago and for being a four banger with a standard transmission it moves along pretty good, even with the air conditioning on. Inside, engine noise is very recognizable at speeds over 60 mph. The one thing I'm really disappointed with is the gas mileage. I do both city and highway driving and have yet to get better then 22.5 mpg. It only has a 15 gallon gas tank and with that kind of mileage I'm filling up the tank every 300 miles which is a pain. Other then that I'm looking forward to using the 4-wheel drive this winter. -
2005 Hyundai Tucson - GLS (A4) 4x4
Pros: Airbags and overall safety features
Cons: It's Mileage absolutely SUCKS!!!
Advice: STAY AWAY, buy a Chevy Tahoe it has more power, same mileage, more useable.
Bought this thing to save mileage. We had a 2001 Chev. Tahoe but wanted to save fuel. Well, if fuel is what you are after stay away from the Tucson. We were told it gets 24 mpg on the hwy and 19 city. We get 12 in the city and 18 on the highway. If we are pushing the wind it goes to 14mpg on the highway. This is a 6 cylinder and it sucks. We have brought it in several times to be looked at and always get the usual runaround. We got ripped-off!! We should have kept the Tahoe. It got better all around mileage! PS...stay away from Mckie Auto Group in Rapid City! -
2007 Hyundai Tucson - SE (A4) FWD
Pros: The trip computer
Cons: The headrests
Advice: Drive and compare the performance, price, reliability ratings , warranty coverage, options, & looks to other SUV's of the same size
We have driven our 07 Hyundai Tucson on one long trip from WI to NC and it did well in mountain driving, and was comfortable to ride in on this long trip. Our gas mileage was around 24/25mpg without air-conditioning on at freeway speeds. We seem to be averaging around 23mpg for all around driving. The acceleration seemed very good to us in all our driving situations. The vision from the Tucson is good. We have had our Tucson four months and have driven it over 4,800 miles. -
2007 Hyundai Tucson - GLS (M5) FWD
Pros: autoshift
Cons: lack of standard cruise control
Advice: upgrade with the cruise control
excellent ride and handeling for a CUV. AC robs a little too much power from the 4 cylinder engine, but still plenty for a nice drive. -
2006 Hyundai Tucson - GLS (A4) FWD
Pros: Heated leather front seats
Cons: Gas mileage
Advice: Just buy it and give yourself peace of mind in the process
The best value in small SUV's out there....bar none ! -
2006 Hyundai Tucson - GL (M5) FWD
Pros: Hard to pick just one
Cons: The fact that I don't have another one!
Advice: Don't hesitate...drive it. You will buy it!!!
I actually went to buy the Toyota Rav-4, but when I drove the Tucson me & my girlfriend both fell in love with it. Had to have one, and now we do. We got the Nautical blue. It's beautiful!!!


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New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung (Newspaper) - September 15, 1991, New Braunfels, Texas New Texas September 1991 Organizers now planning Life Chain II Page 7A The Lina pastor of Bulverde United Methodist explains that the Bulverde Community Service Fund was formed when she and two other area pastors saw the need for a cohesive agency to which community members could turn with a Photo by Robert Stewart Fund response to needs of Bulverde9 s residents Last about 700 Comal County residents stood shoulder to shoulder in a cold holding up signs with two messages Abortion Kills Child ren and Jesus Heals and That first local Life Chain was part of what has become an annual nation wide public stand against This New Braunfels Life Chain II is scheduled from 2 to 3 along San Antonio and Seguin streets Life Chain is not part of Operation explained the Dick pastor of Christ Presbyterian Church in New No laws are Life Chain participants dont go to jail their homes and sav ings accounts arent seized by the Life Chain has no formal ties to other prolife organizations but is endorsed by Its not It doesnt bum up a lot of its certainly not a pretext for a Its serious but exciting Jones said that participation in last years Life Chain was the first time many area representatives of diverse had publicly taken a stand for the Jones stressed that any church or individual is invited to He suggested church congregations choose a representative or coordinator who will communicate with Life Chain II organizers and promote the event within the church The key to the success of the New Braunfels Life Chain II will be the participation of area he An unequivocal stand by the pastor and other church leaders will ensure strong support by their respec tive This is an excel lent opportunity to sec the Sunday school and youth programs mobilized for further service to our Organizers again will provide signs for the which will stretch from Main Plaza north and south on San Antonio Street and cast and west 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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Family therapy with abusive ex.
(95 Posts)Relationship broke up 7 years ago.
Ex is having difficulty relating to the children and them to him. DD (6) is often wetting the bed, having biting/kicking tantrums and going a little anorexic because of stress.
Most recent incident ex had dc to sleep over. DD had brought her new clothes to show off. Ex tried to cancel but only the day before and so I wouldn't allow that. We brought them after tea instead of at 3pm because he said he had to work.
Next day DC said his gf was lying in bed a long time and he was grumpy and told them he couldn't take them out because DD's clothes were "inappropriate". It was sunny and 13 degrees and she had a maxi dress, thick woollen tights, a faux fur coat and mittens so not inappropriate at all.
He also told them he couldn't give them lunch because he had no food (supermarket is less than half a mile away and there were two of them there). He brought them back at 2pm and I heard them ask why they had to come home and he said "mummy wanted you back" which is not true at all, he could have kept them as long as he wanted.
I suspect that he wanted to cancel because they had been invited out and that they went out anyway and he was too hungover to deal with them so instead blamed DD and me.
DS was bullying DD because of this when they came back and when I heard the story from them I explained that I didn't think DD was wearing inappropriate clothes at all and it wasn't DD's fault. She then cried solidly for half an hour because she'd worn the clothes specially for him and thought it was her fault the whole thing was ruined.
DS then also felt terribly guilty for being whipped up to be mean to her.
They have both been upset since and he has not broached the subject with them and is now asking for another overnight.
In the past he has said he doesn't feel able to communicate with them because of what I did to him, apparently taking them away from him.
Plus, DD was conceived when he raped me and he has always denied paternity of her when he could even after DNA. I suspect he doesn't want her
If they are going to continue seeing him they need a greater level of emotional support than I can give and it would be a bonus if someone other than me could help XP relate to them. He is willing to go. Is it going to be a bad idea?
I think you have to put your DD first here and just stop the overnight stays. He sounds very selfish and uncaring, she's stressed... why keep forcing the poor kid to have to endure his company for long periods?
BTW... I don't think any amount of 'therapy' is going to help a man that doesn't want to acknowledge or accommodate his own child. She has an eating disorder? Keep her home, safe and with people that actually love her i.e. just you.
I think you need to get some counselling for the children, which may or may not lead on to family therapy for them and him. BUT any such therapy needs to be focussed primarily on the children's needs.
To be honest, as he is abusive; rape is abusive behaviour, as is his treatment of your DD, I would be checking how much contact is really of benefit for them and how much you have to legally allow.
I would also talk to the school (and your GP), and ask for help for your children, is there a home-school link worker they could see? Have you seen the GP about the bed-wetting? If it is linked to stress then I would definitely start the conversation.
I agree with CES. Therapy is a waste of time unless someone wants to be different. He clearly doesn't.
I would be stopping contact. Seriously he sounds like he is really capable of doing some awful damage, if it's not already been done - poor little things and poor you.
Please try your best to stop this. He doesn't give a shit.
Definitely the GP. You need to get it on record that your DD is incontinent at night and has disordered eating due to stress directly linked to contact with this man. Who is pushing for her to have contact incidentally? You, him or your DD herself?
btw is this contact ordered by court? If not he has no right to it. He would have to take you to court to get it - and if he has form for raping you then honestly I don't think he'd get unsupervised, nor should he.
I don't know how you bear to send them to someone so horrible - but you don't have to, you can put a stop to this
I have to say I think most family therapists wouldn't take this on as they wouldn't feel ethically it was appropriate. If one did agree is be dubious about them.
You say your daughter is a little anorexic. She is 6. She should not be so stressed she is off her food. Why do you think contact benefits them? I think a good idea to seek help for the three of you but leave ex p out while you get yourselves straight.
I have spoken to the school numerous times over the last two years. They look blank and say "ok, we'll keep an eye on her".
When I spoke to the GP yesterday he gave me a massive lecture about "is this about stopping him seeing them?" Errrr no fuckhead, if I was trying to do that I wouldn't be calling you at all.
Services are not being particularly supportive.
Yy my aim is that they need some emotional support for them primarily (GP) was so angry he wouldn't listen to this and demanded that Xp and I come in together to ask for a referral otherwise he wouldn't do it as he wanted to make sure I wasn't trying to use services to exclude xp
I was pretty shocked and upset!
I have not reported any abuse or rape. It is entirely my word against his.
The DC live him very much and want to see him. I am in two minds about whether it is actually my responsibility to stop it or to make it safer.
Talk to a different GP, get a second opinion and then complain about your existing GP to NHS England (assuming you're in England) here for his total lack of attention to your DD's mental health problems. How dare he accuse you of - what? - pretending your child has an illness just to influence contact? There are huge numbers of really crappy GPs in circulation IME and they deserve to be reprimanded.
Your DCs are kids. Kids want to do all kinds of potentially harmful things 'very much' like eating ice-cream for breakfast or walking on ice-covered lakes.... Our responsibility as parents is to decide what is best for them, not simply go along with their wishes. He is harming your DCs.
I understand that but I also think if I step in to stop him coming they will idealise him in his absence and when he tries to contact them in their teens or twenties it will be really disruptive.
He knows he can say what he likes about me because I cannot tell DD the circs of her conception.
Idolising him in his absence is just a chance you'll have to take. They are at a vulnerable stage in their lives, your DD is suffering quite serious behavioural/MH problems already and sorry to say this but, if those eating problems really take hold, she might not even make it to her teens..... You don't have to tell them about the rape and you don't have to justify it. You're the adult here and what you say goes.
Definitely complain about the GP, and find another one. That was inappropriate behaviour and the GP needs reprimanding. Find out how best to complain and spell out what the GP said inappropriately and send copies to as many people you need to to get a response.
I think that you do need to not force your x to see the children when he is trying to cancel. He sounds like he is being neglectful and irresponsible towards them through his behaviour, but in the situation you describe the children would have been better off with being disappointed than being neglected and discarded back to you. Some men just should not be allowed to be parents, and he sounds like one of them.
If you are worried about your DD being stressed and bedwetting, talk to the school and find out what primary services you can access through them. My understanding is once the child is of school age, the HV role is taken over by the 'school nurse' and you can access services through them (for bed wetting assessment etc). That might just be in the area I am now. However I was in a different area before and I know that when I raised concerns about stress in my child when her father abandoned her the school did have processes in place to help me, through art therapy etc. (child is infant school age).
I know it's not as easy when you're the one in the middle of it and trying to desperately do the right thing, but if it were me in your situation, i'd stop all contact altogether.
If you split before your DD was born and yet she still has an eating disorder and significant anxiety issues, contact is actively harming her.
Think about how vulnerable, disorientated and hurt you feel as your Xs partner. That's with the benefit of an adult's level of experience and understanding. For a child, who can't make sense of what's going on, it's a million times worse.
Children often have a strong bond with an abusive parent - it's because they do the only thing they can to minimise the fallout on themselves - appease (try to be good, better, say they love them, etc).
If you're worried about how to stop contact without falling foul of the authorities, a few things you can do is get all your concerns documented. Go back to SS and insist they put your concerns on file even if they don't action anything. Find another GP. Make your own diary of your children's problems and document anything said after contact or any change in behaviour, evidence of anxiety, etc. Insist on contact being supervised. This would be best at a contact centre, but offer it at your house if you think you are strong enough to deal with it. It will show you are not stopping contact but that you have concerns about your DC's safety. It will be a matter of weeks I should think before your X behaves abusively towards you, at which point you have been given carte blanche to stop contact completely unless he takes you to court for it. If it goes to court you don't necessarily need legal representation and there are free advocates available for people in your situation. And remember, now that there is no legal aid for family law cases, how likely is a man who would prefer to get drunk than look after his DC properly to go to court?
Hope you resolve things.
They will idolise the most crappy parent and you will not hear the end of the adolation. However, you can only give them the best childhood you can and hope that in the future you have given them all the ammunition they need to be able to cope on an emotional level. And you don't need to do it completely alone, make sure they have other adult role models in their lives (be it teachers, aunts, GPs, your friends).
They will not allow supervised contact at a centre, he will not come to my house because he is afraid. They only begrudgingly allowed it when he was under investigation by the police many years ago (didnt come to anything).
I do think they wouldn't have been less upset by me allowing him to cancel. I didn't think he would behave how he did.
I think it would be vastly worse for him to come in when they are 14/15/16 and could potential ruin their whole lives with running away and drugs/alcohol.
Who is they? The courts or your X and his GF?
If he doesn't want to come to your house, then he misses out. He doesn't have the trump card anymore than you do.
The trouble is, the more contact they have with him and the more they try to appease him, the more it is going to undermine the relationship they have with you.
Courts and therefore the services, although there is no contact order because they determined his suit was vexatious.
You're projecting what 'might' happen eight, nine, ten years down the track and ignoring what you know to be true today ie.. they lives are being ruined 'now'.
If they are in your care from now on, get good parenting, and are not subjected to a bad parent that rejects them, upsets them, causes conflict and is making your daughter physically and mentally disturbed, why would that mean they are likely to run away or start doing drugs? Surely the opposite is true?
Go to see a different GP!
Go to the school, and ask to speak to the SENCO. Tell them (the SENCO) that you are worried about your daughter's emotional state and eating, as she seems to be taking your break up hard. Ask them if they can refer her for any support. I would probably also put it in writing that you are concerned about your daughter's eating and please could they monitor this as a "safeguarding issue".
I was recently called into school because my DD refused to eat at lunch time; the reason I was called was that as I had previously raised concerns they took it to be a "safeguarding issue" so had to treat it very seriously.
I would also suggest that you get some proper legal advice. It is not too late to call Women's aid or Rights of Women.
The children may seem briefly upset at not seeing him, but if it is doing them long term harm, it is much better that they don't see him.
I believe you and your children do need counselling. So does your ex, but he is never going to be totally truthful with a counsellor is he?
Oh BTW I never saw my father from when I was 2. I certainly didn't idolise him (and my Mum often refused to answer my questions about him, as the information was not age appropriate) as a teen.
I actually now wouldn't want to contact my long lost "half-brothers" and sisters, as I sort of dread to think just how bad it was to grow up around him. I do know a little more as an adult, but still not all the nitty gritty. The most shocking image I have is a photo of my Mum soon after we left, and just how incredibly thin she was.
Because if I stop him seeing them that is what he will seek to do, it is what his father did with him. He will encourage them to drink and give them drugs and invite them to stay with him. He absolutely will do that because he is a narc and he wants them to idolise him. If I stop them seeing him they will be easily manipulated to think he is god and I'm the evil witch because as I said I will not explain the dv and sexual abuse to them, ever.
Their lives are not ruined ATM. They are stressed.
How do you know they will be easily manipulated. Your DD is just six. You have at least 8 years before she'll even sniff a glass of alcohol and not recoil in disgust. That's a lot of time to work on a child's attitude to these things. You could move out of the area, make new lives for yourself. Anything could happen but you appear to be taking it as inevitable that a) you have zero control over your children and b) he'll behave the same way as his father.
You have choices, but you don't seem to see that at the moment.
I don't have control over them no, they are people with their own minds!
When they are old enough to go out on their own they are old enough to visit him in secret, that's around age 12.
It would be extremely naive to expect I could control them and their relationship with him in those circs.
He will repeat that pattern. I know he will.
Why won't you explain the abuse? I've been advised that I should. Not in graphic detail and always age-appropriately, but sticking to the bare facts as if you were writing a clinical report. You don't ascribe motives to your X and say "I don't know" if asked why he did what he did. You also reiterate that none of it is their fault and that you love them. But telling your DC why you left is very important for their understanding of why their parents are still not together and so that they know it is OK and actually a GOOD thing to leave when someone is mistreating you. You don't gleefully set out on a character annihilation of your X but you don't protect him (which is what you're doing by staying schtum) either.
I'm not denying I have the choice though, I know it's a choice I could make but I don't think it would be better.
Offred, have you tried the freedom programme? I think you'd really benefit from it. As an outsider looking in, you haven't broken free from this relationship at all. You're still dominated by fatalistic thinking and passive reactions rather than being proactive.
Your DC need to know where to contact your X. He needs to know where they are. Your values and attitudes are formative. By the time they meet your X - if they have no more contact now - they will respond very much as your children, not his.
... In fact, your only solution appears to be getting someone to 'help your ex relate to them'. He's a rapist who makes your little girl so unhappy she starves herself and wets the bed. He is not going to change, relate or suddenly turn into a decent human being. So that is non-starter. Forget that.
Your future and your children's future can be changed but only if you stop thinking this man has any power.
I won't describe it because it was primarily sexual abuse. I have talked about psychological/financial. He has a different view of what happened though. It is interesting that you've been told to talk about it.
I can't tell dd that I think he doesn't want her because she's the result of a rape no.
"I don't have control over them no, they are people with their own minds!"
They are CHILDREN.
I've no doubt my DC will seek out their father more in years to come either (they have very limited contact with him at the moment, under my supervision). I expect them to actually recoil in embarrassment as they get to know him more. Children are very much a product of their upbringing, and while they may deviate from that as part of a teenage rebellion, etc., most of us revert to type eventually. I don't have undue concerns about it. You have a lot of power here, as Cogito says. You just don't realise it.
I am really concerned that he may abuse your daughter sexually as well if he is allowed overnight contact with her
and blame it on you
I don't know what difference them being children makes. They are people first. You can't force anyone to do anything, if they don't want to do something they will simply lie to you and resent you! It's important to involve them but still make the ultimate choice. I don't mean to suggest I am letting them choose. I just think when they are teens he will be more disruptive than he is now if I stop them seeing him.
I can see that you're trying to protect them from future danger X, which you're probably quite right about. In doing that, they are being exposed to current dangers A, B, C, D .... Eating issues and stress related bed wetting are warning signs.
So you just let your kids do what they please? Never say 'no'? Never guide them in a particular direction, prevent them from doing something? Good parenting means taking responsibility for children and making good decisions on their behalf until they are old enough to make decisions for themselves. If you have no control and you are unwilling to exercise authority, what is the point of you being there at all?
Can you not see the faulty logic there?
If he's narcissistic, by the time they are older he'll have moved on to other victims and his DC will probably be disowned by him (it won't suit his self image to have children who aren't in his life).
By continuing to let him have contact, he is able to plant numerous seeds that he can use at a later date to manipulate them further.
What do you want your children to remember about their childhoods?.
If your children continue to see him they will end up being further damaged and that damage will continue into their own adult relationships.
If he is a narcissist he will only want to use the children as his own narc supply and that in turn damages them as well.
You have been and remain damaged by his abuse of you; he will do the same to your children as well given any opportunity. They're already trying desperately to please him.
What you have tried to date has not worked.
I think you and the DC could get a lot from doing family therapy without him.
My oldest children are teenagers, I still have a lot of influence over them, because I have brought them up. As children I taught them to think for themselves but also to hold onto moral values. If they came out with ridiculous ideas I challenged them on them. We discuss drugs, drink etc.
They are in no way perfect. But they will not blindly follow anyone. Actually one of my biggest sayings has been, whenever they say "Fred made me do it" to say " If Fred told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?"
I really think you need to get counselling and do the freedom program. Because until you empower yourself then you cannot give your children the tools to protect themselves as teenagers.
who is protecting them here.
I do think they wouldn't have been less upset by me allowing him to cancel. I didn't think he would behave how he did. however, you would have had more control of the situation, and could have managed their upset better by explaining to them what was happening.
Are they young enough for you to keep contact a 'secret' until it actually happens to minimise upset?
I would try reducing contact to a limited time - say one afternoon every fortnight or every month. Then hopefully he can stick to it without messing everyone around and cope with short amount of time.
If they love him and want to see him you have to think carefully about just terminating contact, that can cause its own type of harm.
It is a case of balancing the harm he causes them by his attitudes/behaviours and the harm if he suddenly disappears from their lives. What explanation would you give ?
I would not bother thinking about him getting therapy or whatever. That's up to him. But it sounds like or might help the children to see someone if they are anxious. Does the school offer anything? Could you pay privately?
If he doesn't like your proposals, let him apply to court.
Rooney do you not think there is quite a big difference between misogyny and Paedophilia/incest?
However I am not unconcerned about that when she is pubescent which is another reason I don't want to stop him coming completely now.
I am listening to you all though. Believe me I'd dearly love to just cut him out. He won't stay away though. I know he won't.
Cog, that's ridiculous and not what I'm saying at all.
Again, I can totally understand why you're focused on a known future risk, but I think by doing that you're minimising the impact that it's having on them now. They have a much better chance of being able to cope with him as teenagers if they aren't exposed to him now.
I really think that your DC could benefit from seeing someone now. They're building up problems that could cause them a lifetime of grief.
I'm not entirely focused on the future, that's why I'm trying to get them some emotional support now.
Jeez, you lot practically calling me abusive for not cutting him out entirely and damn the consequences GP and courts saying I'd be abusive to cut him out... Really helpful pulling me in two!
Spero - once a month is good idea. Once a week is too much.
It depends Offred. It depends on where his personal boundaries lie with regard to abuse.
It sounds like he is already blaming you and your perceived demands for his treating them so badly.
If he is capable of rape then he may well be capable of child sexual abuse, but yes I am thinking of when she becomes a bit older. You say he doesn't want her because she reminds him of his crime? Is that right?
and she is not aware of all this.
I think that you want to do the right thing but cannot see what that is. So family therapy, but without this despicable bastard being present, would be a great idea x
You sound so scared, anxious, defensive even. You need to focus on today, not 10 years' time. You have no control or idea what the future might bring, for all you know your x might be run over by a bus. You have no control over how your x behaves.
You do have responsibility to stay calm and give your children the best that you can, right now, today and to shield them as much as you are able. Today you have control over their lives and happiness, and your own. If you are focusing so much on your x, and the hypothetical future, you can't be the best parent for your children, that just takes too much energy (I know that from experience).
There is support you can access if you feel you just can't let go emotionally and start to take back control of your own life. While you focus on him, you are letting him control you. You could access counselling, you could talk to women's aid, you could take a surestart parenting course. Start talking to RL people who can advise you.
If he is a narc, by strengthening your DCs confidence and independence, you remove a lot of his power. He won't want to know offspring that are their own people. You need to communicate to him with complete indifference, stop feeding him. If he says I don't want the children, give him a one word response, fine, and take them to somewhere fun and enjoy your time with them instead. Their memory of the day will be you laughing and playing with them, not the let down. Make it as unimportant as you possibly can.
btw I don't know the answer either. I just feel pitifully sorry for your children, and very sorry for you as well. It's never a cut and dried issue.
But I do think he needs to be minimised in his influence and impact.
Redsky - you can't explain away "your dad can't be arsed with you"
Incidentally he has said he will think about letting my dh adopt them if he can't improve things, going to some therapy would be a last attempt to see if he can pull it back and if not he'll agree to letting them be adopted.
Oh good news!
I'm sorry if you feel got at Offred. It's a horrible situation and I understand that you feel you are doing your best. You are in a position of perceived powerlessness and are acting on a sort of damage limitation basis. It's not easy and I have enormous sympathy for you.
But it's that word 'perceived' that's important here, which is why I mentioned the freedom programme. Those of us who have been through this recognise where you're at, we really do. But the situation you think you have to manage is not the only option available to you, it really isn't. I know you can't see any other possible way, but there are lots.
Please look into the freedom programmel
Offred I'm not trying to have a go. I'm saying that all you can do is focus on them now. What's best for them right now? In a week? In a month? And not only would it be very beneficial for them to see someone, in helping them to understand that it's not their fault their father is the way he is, you would also then have a professional who could officially record the impact contact with their father was having on them.
I don't think I feel powerless but I don't want to stop him seeing them. I know I could do that but I think it would be short-termist.
They know it isn't their fault, or mine. The eldest says "daddy always says he can't see us because he is busy or work won't let him have time off but I don't believe that because work shouldn't be more important than your children should it?"
So basically, yes to therapy, even yes to the therapist meeting your ex, but with an aim of helping your deal with the damage he causes and getting them away from him.
What do you think they gain out of seeing him?
What do you gain out of them seeing him?
Dahlen - yes, I want a professional to both validate and record their feelings. As a sideline I want to present XP with a last chance.
They gain an understanding of him and that it isn't their fault he is shit.
Honestly, what do you think they are gaining from being exposed o his behaviour. They're children, so of course they want to see him and for him to want to see them, but what are they getting from these visits? Bed wetting and eating issues? Guilt and tears?
X posts. They aren't getting that though Offred. They belev that it's work that keeps him from them. They believed that it was your DD's clothes that kept them in. That caused them very real distress.
I gain nothing.
No, they don't believe that, maybe they do initially. They think he is making excuses. They feel upset.
'An understanding of him'.... I really don't get this, sorry. If he was an alcoholic would you want them to accompany him on a bender? You seem to be amazingly hopeful that he will respond to this last chance to reform. Why, after everything he's done to you and the harm he's done to your family, are you still flogging that dead horse?
"They gain an understanding of him and that it isn't their fault he is shit".
No they do not. They cannot even begin to understand because they re too young to even begin to process any of this at all properly.
I am wondering what your own childhood was like?.
I don't think he will necessarily respond to a chance, it will however be recorded that he didn't and he will allow them to be adopted.
If I stop him seeing them now it will make it into a power struggle over the children. He has parental responsibility and can simply take them from school.
They're doing fine with understanding and processing it though Attila. The eldest has said he thinks it is just an excuse.
As children though they're naturally egocentric. Even when they accept he's making excuses they're likely to blame themselves.
I have nothing but admiration for how you've been dealing with this man, no doubt at great cost to yourself, to try to give your DC the best possible outcome. I think it's worth getting a good recommendation and finding help for your DC. If that's under the guise of family therapy, fine, but if he is what you say he is, and I have no doubts about that, he is incapable of causing them anything but harm. On the plus side any professional worth their salt will spot him a mile off.
I'm hoping they will spot him a mile off. I am admittedly wary of asserting myself without back up for my concerns. The school and surgery believe the children are stressed because I have four of them and am not coping. He has benefitted from the doubt of being entirely absent in those two spheres.
When the twins go to school that should improve because they are happy little chaps with no worries at all.
I will call WA today though.
Good luck.
Just read this, and, yes, good luck.
If anything, get the therapy for the children, so that they can deal with him. Possibly get support for you on how to deal with the impact on the children.
I think the best for the children is to stop contact, but possibly best for you to let it drop, even if he cancels at the last minute. Record everything. Every event.
Redsky - you can't explain away "your dad can't be arsed with you"
No, but you can tell them he is busy, and that you love them unconditionally and that they can always trust that you & other adult role models in their lives (i.e. GPs) will not let them down. You can distract them (if they are younger). You can make him as little important in their lives as you can. You can try to emphasize that none of what is happening is caused by or because of them.
My children have a dad that can't be arsed. He is a total **. He makes so many Disney-like, hyped up promises and lets them down every time. He has strong narc tendencies and was an abusive partner etc etc. I tell my children every day I love them just for them, that I will always be there for them, that I will never just up and leave, that they can trust what I say. When he continues making promises that don't materialise, I point out (gently) to the children that he is unreliable (I want to teach them not to trust people conditionally, but judge them on their actions too), so they don't just cling on to his promises, but also that I and other adults around them can be trusted and point out how & why. I make sure that they have relationships with other adults, other children so that they can learn what healthy relationships are. I don't stop them seeing/talking to him, but honestly as he is such a it is unbelievably seldom that he sees them. I will put boundaries down with his relationship with them, so that the children are in control too. i.e. they decide when the phone call is ending or if they do or don't feel like talking that day, not him. And I make sure they know that is absolutely ok.
It is so difficult, as I said earlier some dad's should not be allowed to have children, as they are not able to be responsible for a child's emotional well being. And it unfortunately comes down to the other parent's responsibility to try and minimise the damage to the children. Good luck calling WA I hope they can help! I accessed some help through my HV previously too, who was absolutely amazing. She came and advised and listened and made time for me, and had heard it all before so understood what I had gone through. She also had the the time to witness that the children were happy and well looked after. If you have preschoolers that might be worth a thought, as a support for you.
Offred you must be so exhausted with this
I'm so upset for you that no one is listening to you properly too.. it's awful isn't it.
Do call womansaid xx
Good luck op. I think you are doing the best you can in a tough situation. I agree with everything you say about why you are still considering contact.
I think it is a shame that some posters want to bang their own drum quite so forcefully when you are in a difficult situation for which there simply is no one clear cut absolutely right solution.
I can totally see the value of taking the line of least resistance with him. It may prevent him from creating a conflict or a challenge simply out of defiance.
However I have a HUGE problem with this:
'As a sideline I want to present XP with a last chance.'
This is on a hiding to nothing. Seriously. Do you really think that this is worth your while, and their while? Really?
I think you still feel responsible for his actions to a degree and that's why you're not just standing up to him. You are scared of being held responsible for the behaviour of this complete twat.
yes yes to family therapy for the children .
they might insist you both attend together a pre-assessment without the children (i had to and it was horrendous)
the family therapy has been dds and me attending -building to dds attending on their own. they dont want dad to attend. slightly differnt as they older and dd1 doesnt want to see him and dd2 very unsure as she ash been let down so much - but when she was younger like your dd would have wanted to see him whatever.
defintiely your dc need a space to express their views and feeeling adn work on strategies . eg they might write up a list of what they want dad to do at contact or not do - this could be presented to dad and discussed. maybe therapists could do this. you would discuss all of this. they will work first of all thru play and drawing etc to see what dd thinks.
you need to insist on getting help for dd and yes so it is recorded.
and worry about now and the impact all this is having - and working on giving them the tools to deal with him later. dont act to appease him ...
i've also had sessions no my own which has been useful too.
for now dont stop contact; but reduce it. regualr consistent small chunks might be better.
and if he cancels so be it.
family therapy should be without your ex, at least initially, you and espec dd need to get chance to speak freely and explore what's going on without him.
if later you decide with therapist you want to meet with him then fine.
but get all the issues aired first from dd point of view and ahve a clear agenda.
and have a session on your own as well.
Offred this is a tough time for you and other posters here know exactly what you are going through. Your EX behaviour is textbook. We all felt the panic you are feeling now and the best way to start making it better is to get into the driving seat now! Focus on what you can do now to make some changes. See a different GP for yourself, talk to GP about children, wrt bed wetting ask for referral to eneuresis nurse, talk honestly to your children about their father in simple terms don't make excuses for his behaviour. Red sky gives brilliant advice, take it.
Start telling your EX how things will be. Tell him the children are distressed by staying over but that they can come over for pm, stay for dinner etc & will come home to you at bedtime. If he gets aggressive just say GP recommended it cos of bed wetting to get him off your case for a while. Keep remembering he is a total FW & you won't change him, be clever & work out ways to get what you want to happen.
Try not to worry about the future. My EXH was just like yours and my DD now 16 and DS 14 know what he is like. They still see him and love him but know he is not reliable and is self obsessed. They say things like "dad thinks he knows everything & he hasn't got a clue" We even laugh about it the odd time! If you stay strong your kids will know you are the reliable parent. So long as you keep reassuring them they will get through it. This is a every tough time & will prob get harder but put your shoulders back because you are a good mother who loves her kids. Just deal with what you can at the moment. When your kids are teenagers they are going to be bonkers for a while anyway regardless! Good luck, I hope things improve for you.
P.s. don't entertain mediation or family therapy with EX, it will just give him a forum to a be a narc. Get therapy for yourself & children. WA was a great support to me back then.
Have spoken to WA who were absolutely bloody fantastic. They are assessing us next week with a view to providing support for the children. Would not have thought to call them without this thread. Thank you.
Glad you're getting some support. Good luck.
My father is a narc and insisted as kids he, DM, DB & I attend family counselling. It was for him to justify in his head that it was the rest of us that caused the problems, not him. So my advice is don't include him in any family counselling. There have been some times in my life where counselling would have helped me but I was too scared to go following my childhood experiences.
Unfortunately my parents didn't separate until I was an adult so unlike my DM you are already not only one step ahead but you're also not enabling him.
Just seen your update. That's brilliant. I hope you all get the support you need.
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Jasper County REMC
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Jasper County Rural Electric Membership Corporation (REMC) is a not-for-profit electric distribution cooperative. Headquartered in Rensselaer, Indiana, we serve over 8,500 customers across 1,078 miles of line. We serve Jasper and parts of White, Starke, Pulaski, Porter and Newton counties, in northwest Indiana.
Our Corporation is owned and governed by the people we serve. A nine-member board of directors is elected by and from our membership. The board sets the policies and guidelines by which we operate. As a customer of Jasper County REMC, you are also a member/owner of our company which entitles you to vote for the Board of Directors each year at the annual meeting.
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This lovely holiday villa makes a perfect family getaway, boasting a very harmonious blend of modernity while managing to keep all the charm and allure of the French Provençal style. The villa itself is ideally located in a private and secure gated residence with 3 tennis courts, nestled in a cosy countryside setting. The central location is the ultimate starting point for visiting the various tourist hot spots on the Cote d'Azur. There are several areas of the garden to soak up the sun and relax. Work on your tan while lounging in your pool or sip on a glass of wine while enjoying the nearby mountain views from a beautifully decorated Moroccan terrace with water fountain and outdoor BBQ. You may also play a game of petanque (French ball game) or just a simple game of ping pong. In total there are 5 bedrooms in the main house split on 2 levels, including one with its own entrance, bathroom/WC. The garden is about 2000 sq meters.
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The villa is situated within a safe, gated community and is within walking distance to many businesses such as a supermarket, pharmacy, boulangerie, doctor's office, pizza restaurant, hair dresser and flower shop. The charming village of Valbonne is only a 5 minute ride away, where you can find many cafes, restaurants and lovely local shops. Friday mornings are especially pleasant in Valbonne since it is market day with local artisans selling a wide array of local souvenirs, French foods and gifts. The Provencal villages of Biot, Grasse, St. Paul de Vence and Gourdon are accessible by car within 10-35 minutes. Cannes, Nice and the beaches are also all within a 20-30 minute drive as well. Some other activities nearby include: Marineland Aquatic Park, AntibesLand Attraction Park, Picasso Museum, Golf Clubs, Juan Les Pins Beach. Lastly Monaco and the Italian border are not even an hour's drive away…
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Kindly note that 25% of the total amount will be requested at reservation time and the rest is due 2 wks before arrival.
There is a 1,000 Euro refundable security deposit that is returned to you within one week after departure by wire transfer. Our rates are all inclusive: Cleaning before arrival and after departure, towels, linens, internet, etc. No hidden or additional fees for extra guests etc. |
Payment is usually accepted in the quoted currency (EUR) unless the currency and the amount is specifically agreed in advance with the owner / advertiser.


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Darcie in: The Girl Crush is Broken
Part 45 of 45 in the series Darcie
The Girl Crush is Broken
Hey guys! I've got one last story to go until we're all caught back up and there will be no more flashback stories. August was winding down and it was time for our annual pilgrimage over to the Louisiana Mud Fest. We were going to be "working" a little this year. Thanks to Kellie and Johnny's whirlwind romance, Johnny was going to share his vendor booth he had every year with us. I'll admit it was going to be a little weird having Johnny's … Continue reading