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16-yr-old DS, being violent, really needs to move in with his father temporarily for all our sakes, but refuses
(50 Posts)My DS has (mild-ish) Asperger's and can be absolutely rigid in his behaviour. We have occasional blow-ups with him, particularly on holidays, but since he started sixth form I've been really pleased that our relationship has got closer - he's confided in me a lot about friendship issues and asked for support with schoolwork. However, the slightest thing can lead to a confrontation and this time it was asking him to write his Christmas thank-you letters (he does it every year; it would take him about 20 minutes). He delayed and delayed, lied about it, then outright refused. Eventually I confiscated his phone to punish him and he took up residence in our bedroom - at nearly midnight! - refused to leave, and started chucking stuff around. This has happened once before and my DH and I ended up calling the police; this time we called DS's father, who lives a few minutes away, and he eventually persuaded him, at 1.30am, to go back to his place. He also told him to write the thank-you letters the next day so we could consider giving him his phone back.
That was Friday, so plenty of time for cooling off and for letter writing. This afternoon I went to DS's room and asked for the letters - I hoped for a reconciliation. He ended up throwing a cup of tea at me, attacking me and DH physically and throwing a chair down the stairs at us. I really lost my temper and said that he wasn't welcome here any more, he could go and live with his dad; I've done this a couple of times before but he absolutely refuses to go. We called his father again, who is currently trying to persuade DS to leave and spend some cooling off time with him but DS won't budge.
It breaks my heart but I really feel I cannot have him in the house any more. Sometimes it feels as if we have spent our whole lives anxious to avoid another scene with him, and now he is bigger than us there is a physical danger. It's also very bad for my DD, aged 12, who understandably hates the situation. She blames us, which I find frustrating - though at the same time I can see that from her point of view we're the adults and should be able to control things. I feel an utter failure as a mother right now.
I am so angry with him - I won't list the hurtful things he says but basically he knows all the buttons to push. He also sneers at me that I don't see punishments through so they're meaningless. Actually I do most of the time, but it's so very hard to find a punishment that has any impact - there's very little he cares about and the only reason he was angry about the phone is that he got it into his head that I was going to text his friends. I feel that we must ensure he goes and stays with his dad but I simply don't know how to make that happen - any ideas? I am actually considering changing the locks, which seems like madness.
I know DS is stressed by coursework and impending exams, and he often behaves in an unacceptable way when stressed. But really, I feel a line needs to be drawn here, that we cannot just go on as before.
Sorry this is so long! Maybe just writing it down will help. Any advice? Please?
No advice but huge sympathy. Please don't see yourself as a failure as a mum: you have a lot to deal with
Thank you, Technoprobe! I just wish I was dealing with it better. Have just been to talk to DD; she burst into tears and doesn't want anything to do with me.
Hi op, just a thought, it might be worth reposting this in the Special Needs area. There's bound to be a parent with an Aspie teen who's been through/going through similar who might have some good ideas who to speak to. One things for sure you're not a bad parent! You're just very upset and concerned and trying to juggle everyone's needs at the same time and you're reaching out for support.
Sorry I have no advice but I just wanted to say something! My dd is 14 and has AS, she has been very violent and aggressive to me, it's soul destroying isn't it?
Punishments and consequences have never, ever worked for us.
I've not done this yet but have you considered calling the police (terrifying as it may seem!)
Thanks, headinhands, I considered Special Needs but there doesn't seem much activity there. And I never know with DS how much of his behaviour is Asperger's and how much just standard teen - probably a bit of both here.
thornrose, so sorry to hear about your DD's behaviour. Yes, soul destroying, and I really don't think I handle it well with DS. I'm sure I should be able to maintain some distance while he's kicking off, and I do try, but after a while I just lose it, and become emotional. Have just looked on the MN teen advice page and it says never, ever follow them into their room during an argument because that's where they lash out. Really good advice - that's often when it starts. And sometimes, when I can see he's about to hit or grab me, I say, 'Go on then, hit me if you must' and that stops him (probably because he won't do what he's told!)
^Punishments and consequences have never, ever worked for us^- God, yes, I could have written that. He doesn't give a damn about punishments - in fact he seems to actively invite them – and he won't accept that certain things happen as a direct consequence of his behaviour.
I did call the police last time, which was the hardest thing I've ever done. A lovely chap came round who was brilliant with DS and even got him to apologise to us - virtually a first. I threatened to call them again this time but ultimately chickened out, because they didn't take him down to the police station last time but said they would if it happened again. I know, I know - I should have the guts to see it through.
If it's any comfort, I have huge problems getting my non-Aspergers DC to write their thank you letters and they too know how to push my buttons.
Might be an idea to tell your DD that you do understand how difficult it is for her and you're doing your best?
Special Needs children is by far the busiest op. The thing about alerting the police is that because it will be on record accessing support from other agencies would be clearer, I would imagine anyway. It might be that the police could kick start the referral. CHAMS or whatever the equivalent is maybe? The people over at SN would know more I'm sure.
Well done to you for following through and calling the police. It's a shame they couldn't escort your ds to his dad's.
Sorry, that should be CAMHS. I wouldn't worry too much about how much is Aspie related, either way the behaviours are upsetting for all of you and you want support to help you all deal with it.
I am sorry to hear this - it sounds awful.
I have read a bit of research about violence against parents. It is a very recent phenomena but rising fast. Apparently it happens in around 15% of all two-parent families and in 30% of single-parent families. (so you are far from alone!)
There are two charities in the UK (google them) who give advice to parents with these problems.
One book that often gets recommended on the SN boards is The Explosive Child. The main focus is on kids who are a bit younger than yours but the strategies are adaptable. Explosive Child is good for kids who are very rigid, blow up over small things and have to have things their own way, and who don't seem to respond to consequences. Which described my DS (Asperger's diagnosis) perfectly! DS is 15 and while we don't have big issues with aggression any more I do re-read it now and again. And although things are calmer there are still lots of "normal" things I don't do because I know it would lead to DS kicking off, so I know what you mean about how wearing it can be to feel you're always avoiding a scene. But the Explosive Child book did make me feel more in control of things.
Could you get your DS to go to his father's for a fixed time, so you'd at least have a break? I imagine he's quite scared of the idea of staying elsewhere, it might be less scary (and maybe he'd be more willing) if he knew when he'd be coming back?
TThis one of the charities - it's called Family Lives. They have a helpline and and online chat
I can't find the other the other charity but I remember clearly reading an article in the press of two charities in the Uk who deal with this problem.
Thank you so much, everyone, for your support and advice. I'll look at the Family Lives website. The Explosive Child book sounds exactly what I need, Kleinzeit - I'll order it. Tiny triggers just kick things off and I find myself trying to map how on earth we got to crisis point from something so trivial.
We did get annual visits from CAMHS but were effectively signed off a couple of years ago. I wasn't sure if they'd been a victim of cuts but I've just checked online and they're still there.
Relations with DS's real dad have been terrible for years but actually he's really stepped up to the mark with this crisis and been very supportive - so maybe something good has emerged after all.
I don't for a moment want to imply that your son's behaviour is in any way justified or that these confrontations could be avoided, because I know full well that if you have a teenager that reacts excessively it may be triggered, it seems, by almost anything, and I feel really sorry for you. I do wonder, however, if it would help to let small stuff go a bit. At some stage he will presumably be rresponsible for his own life choices, and it seems to me that thank you letters are not worth a confrontation in a sixth former. You can choose to pick your battles to some extent, and I am sure the people who were owed thank you letters would rather not get them than have you put into such a stressful situation. If he won't go to his dads then would it help to back right off in terms of trying to control non-essential things? I have no sons but suspect most sixth form boys would resent being told to write thank you letters. Again, I realise the problem is bigger than this one incident and I am not trying to imply that it is easy to deal with.
Morning CInnamon. I'd see if you could self refer yourselves back to CAMHS. It might be a mere blip but it wouldn't hurt to have that iron in the fire should you want it.
Alice, there's probably a lot of truth in what you say, and I will take it on board. The trouble is, these things suddenly blow up and I often have no idea how we got there - it's impossible to predict what's going to cause a confrontation.
I've not written a thank you letter since the 70s.
Is there another way he can thank people - using modern technology?
All this over letter writing? What's wrong with an email?
Are you so stern about other small stuff as well?
If my teen was violent he wouldn't have a choice.. its that or social services supported housing. Earn the right to live in the home that is the most comfortable but really.. stop battling the small stuff.
I know what you mean about the unpredictability of triggers, but I think the old mantra that you can change yourself but not him will apply. It can be very hard to monitor the shifting boundaries of where good parenting becomes inappropriate control as children become adults, I think. When I had confrontations with my daughter (not that things were physically violent ever, which is a ddifferent ball game, I realise), I found it helpful to ask myself if the issue really mattered. For me and her, if the dispute was not over something dangerous, something she might seriously regret in the future or something that would seriously affect other people, then we painfully worked out that for me to impose my codes and wishes on her after a certain stage was inappropriate control, even if I was sure I was right. Sometimes I was wrong, sometimes the issue really didn't matter and sometimes I was right but it was not worth trying to win the day, because for her the freedom to make her own mistakes was more important than the issue itself. I don't know if you can talk to your son and see if he can explain what drives him to these episodes or if attempted discussions would make things worse. One thing I found hard to do but which did help was to sometimes admit I was wrong in the middle of an unexpected flare up about something. Eg - "fair enough, I still think it's rude not to write thank you letters but you are old enough to be rude if you want to. Maybe auntie Mabel will still send you a present next year and maybe she won't, but that's up to you and her now and I'm not going to get involved any more, and I shouldn't have tried to make you do this."
Don't know if that helps at all?
You'll appreciate Explosive Child then cinnamon. It is filled with examples of trivial situations that blow up in no time at all, starting off with a crisis that starts over waffles for breakfast! And some pretty helpful explanations for why it happens, and the different kinds of things that that might trigger different youngsters.
Alice I see what you mean about choosing battles. Explosive Child divides issues into 3 "baskets". What goes in each basket is the parents' decision, depending on what you think your child can handle. Basket A is the stuff that you decide to enforce no matter what (like physical safety, staying within the law); Basket B, things that you negotiate over, and Basket C, things that get ignored altogether, at least for the time being. Writing thank-you letters would probably be Basket C, or maybe B.
Can I ask- does your DD fully understand about your sons condition? I only ask because my nephew (14) has Aspergers and I know things have never been properly explained to my niece (who is also 12!) because she is "too young to understand". If you feel she doesn't- maybe you could read up on some information together and try to explain that although you do loose your temper and sometimes things get very heated- that it isn't anyones fault. Maybe you need to talk to her more about her feelings as well and ask her what she "really thinks". She is still young yes- but she is getting to an age when she should have the emotional maturity to deal with these things and maybe her opinion can help you make a decision.
Gamerchick, I would be perfectly happy for him to send an email or make a phone call but he chooses to write letters. He doesn't mind doing thank you letters in theory - the problem was that this time he kept delaying and then lied about it. I AM stern about lying - it's the one thing I've always told them is unacceptable.
Alice, that's really good advice, thank you. I do try, although sometimes he seeks the confrontation, not me. I have had to lock myself in the bathroom to try to put an end to a situation before and he will hammer on the door relentlessly. This time, I was cross that he'd lied to me, so I said my piece, then went to my bedroom - he followed me in and refused to leave. It's at that stage that things blow up, particularly when he starts throwing things. I simply don't know how to deal with this, because once he's set on that course nothing will change him. I hate making him sound so awful. Obviously he is at times like this, but the rest of the time we actually have a good relationship, impossible though it feels at the moment. He can be bright, articulate and funny. But also rigid and self centred.
JessMcL, that's a good point. Yes, DD does understand but, thinking about it, understanding it doesn't make it easier to live with and she still looks to us to maintain order. She's right, we should be able to.
Btw, Gamerchick, it's all very well to say your teen wouldn't have a choice about leaving if they were violent but what would you do if they refused to budge? We made it very clear to DS that we wanted him to go and stay at his dad's for a cooling-off period and he absolutely wouldn't go. We have no means of enforcing it, short of changing the locks, which would be utterly inflammatory.
I can tell that this isn't really about thankyou letters, but about control, and I suspect for him if he is really stressed about some things (college, assignments, whatever), the letters were just the last straw.
With hindsight, were the letters worth it?
If you were still with your ex and there was no dad to go to would you have handled this differently? Not that I'm saying don't send him, just that you can't send him every time you have a row, and then have him sent back every time they have a row, it's not sustainable long term.
I think you probably need to step back and reassess what is actually important. I'm a few years ahead of you (things went horribly wrong for us) and although I try not to blame myself I do know that the house would have been much less awful if I had acted the adult more.
And by acting the adult I mean deciding "is it really worth it" and if it isn't walking away.
Your son's and other family members' happiness is far more important than some thank you letters which are of no significance to your son and are probably seen by him as an attempt by you to control him unnecessarily.
My advice would be to let this go, move on.
And keep a diary - record what he does that's awful, and what he does that's good. See how often different behaviour from you could have stopped things escalating, and then decide whether or not that escalation was worth it.
They say kids with AS mature to about 2/3rds of their chronological age, so your son is an 11 year old in a 16 year old's body, he is struggling with life with AS as well as with the angst that every other teen faces.
If you were to step outside the box, is there a better way to deal with this?
And outside the box (away from the letter/lies conversation) have a conversation about violence.
Any violent or threatening behaviour, you should call 999. You have to tell h im and you have to mean it and you have to do it.
I bet once will be enough.
Calling his dad for an argument is not the same thing. Most kids with AS are black and white - once he knows you will call 999 he will most likely walk away too, unless you are (in his view) provoking him.
My DS is (weirdly) very sensitive to any criticism or open expression of anger from me. Just by itself that can trigger him into aggression.
And one thing I have learned the hard way with my DS, is never to make up a punishment "on the spot". Instead, I always have to give a warning and tell him what the consequence is for doing it again. So for me, if I did want to use a punishment (and I wouldn't necessarily do that, I might just let it go, or discuss what the problem was instead!) it would have to be, "write the thank you letters by the end of tomorrow or else tomorrow evening I will take your phone away until they are all done". Unexpected punishments that have not been laid out in advance– even tiny ones - are a trigger.
And when my DS does something new and dreadful then I have to manage things very carefully indeed! If this was the first time he'd lied I might not even punish the lie, just make sure he got no benefit from it. Or I might say "… and if you lie to me again, the punishment will be…." Or "...you lied to me, I need to think about what to do about that…" and come up with a punishment later on when things were calmer.
(I have no idea if this is useful to you, just sharing experience.)
Thanks, Kleinzeit, that is useful. I always warn him rather than just giving a punishment out of the blue but very often that just provokes him to immediately do the thing he's not supposed to do. Threatening a punishment the next day might help things cool off a bit.
Interesting about being an 11 year old in the body of a 16 year old - that would explain a lot.
Whenever my dd has a violent outburst I go back over it with a fine tooth comb. I would say in the majority of instances there was a trigger I could identify. It's usually something I could've done slightly differently.
I'm not taking all the responsibility and I refuse to walk on eggshells but I will try to avoid conflict where possible.
I had some counselling which helped me realise that I could parent how I wanted to, in a way that worked for us. I used to think dd had to have consequences or punishments even though it NEVER worked and usually made things worse.
I stopped feeling she had "won", or that I needed to win. My mum and people around me used that expression all the time. She's "getting away with it", she's "won" etc. Not true, there were no winners.
Hours after an incident or even the next day, dd and me talk about what happened. I make sure she "owns" her behaviour. I need her to acknowledge it and take responsibility otherwise I start getting resentful which is not good for me and the way I relate to her.
We both acknowledge the way I reacted or words I used may have upset her/made her angry/more angry. BUT, a big but, this does not give her the right to act violently towards me. This was not my fault, that is very important for me to hear her say.
This consistent approach is starting to sink in. I can sometimes actually head off a rage now. I speak very firmly, without anger, and quite repetitively. Like kleinzeit my dd cannot bear to speak angrily and "perceived criticism" is a huge trigger. If I can get her to admit what is really making her feel angry before she starts calling me names we're onto a winner!
And yes I agree with Maryz there is a big gap between actual age and emotional maturity.
I hope things improve for you, I am sorry this is so long
I always warn him rather than just giving a punishment out of the blue but very often that just provokes him to immediately do the thing he's not supposed to do.
Hm. Just a thought.... Is this something he's always done, or is it new? Is it the threat of punishment that makes him do the opposite, or is it the being told not to? Most people are better at handing positive instructions "put the stick down on the floor" versus "stop waving the stick about". Young children are very bad at following negative instructions, and so are people who have a processing delay – including many with Asperger's. It's as if they don't take in the "stop" properly, all they take in is "wave the stick about" and they really can't imagine what to do instead. I've been doing the "positive instructions only" thing for DS for so long it's almost automatic now, but I think he still needs it especially when he's angry or upset because then his brain seems to fall apart.
Thornrose, the kind of thing you describe is very, very recognisable to me. Yes, the punishments just tend to make things worse - but the alternative seems to be letting him get away with it - I just go round in a loop of despair about this. It's DS's refusal to accept that his behaviour has consequences that I find difficult to cope with and I am finally coming to the realisation that I have to let an awful lot of things go. On holiday last year, there was a massive blow-up on the way to the airport - it was just terrible for all of us - and DS spend the first three days of the holiday in his room (his choice). In the end, to salvage the holiday, I just had to sweep everything that had happened under the carpet, forget about trying to get him to take responsibility for his behaviour and go and plead with him to come downstairs and let me make him a sandwich. A couple of days later we were more or less back on track, but I couldn't help feeling that he 'got away with it'. I also fear that if I am so conciliatory he will take it as an admission of guilt on my part. When conflicts occur, he taunts me with being ineffectual and unable to see things through (he has read all the parenting manuals and uses their language to have a go at me!). Yesterday I tried to talk to him and said we had to move forward from the incident at the weekend, but that in order for that to happen he had to acknowledge that his violent behaviour was unacceptable and mustn't happen again. He accused me and DH of being violent, said he was a better person than I was and said his behaviour was completely okay (his behaviour included pulling my hair so hard that it still hurts even now, and throwing a chair at DH). He was utterly unrepentant.
How DO you get your DD to acknowledge her behaviour? DS has done a couple of times before but on the whole he just won't. Often he blames us for the whole thing because, after plenty of warnings, we enforce a punishment, like taking away his phone - he then bitterly resents us for the punishment and refuses to acknowledge that it's happened as a result of his behaviour and that if he didn't want his phone taken away or whatever, he had plenty of chances to prevent it by doing what he was told.
He's got his first mock AS level this afternoon and is in his room revising now. Usually I'm very supportive when he has exams - drinks, treats, helping him with his work. I hate the fact that I can't do that now - clearly it's upsetting me more than him. If I took him a cup of tea, though, I would feel servile. At the moment it would feel like pandering to an abuser.
Phew! My post too long now. Kleinzeit, yes he has always been like this. If you say don't do something he will immediately do it - it's almost as if he can't help himself. A SENCO tried to tell me once that he had Defiant Oppositional Disorder but he had so many labels at that point that I absolutely refused another one for him. It might help to phrase things positively rather than negatively but his gut response to anything is always 'No'. Just a single word, every time, and you know there's no way on earth he will change his mind.
Things didn't start to improve in this house until the day I decided that it wasn't a matter of me losing and him winning if he did/didn't do something that was in the house rules.
Before that, everything was a fight. Absolutely everything.
Once I stepped back and stopped engaging, he suddenly became more conforming (well not conforming, exactly, but a hell of a lot better than he had been).
As parents we take our children's behaviour as an indication of how good we are as parents. So if we have a child running wild, skipping school, rude, resistant, etc, we take it personally. If we can take the emotion out of it all of a sudden it becomes easier.
So a child who is angry - if we can accept that life for them is shit, and they are just angry we can cope. If we take it personally and feel they are angry at us it hurts - and when we are hurt we rarely react in the most appropriate way.
I had to learn to walk away and just let him be angry.
I head to learn not to issues instructions that I knew he wouldn't follow.
I had to learn to ignore what other people said, and realise that I had to parent him differently because he was different - treating him like other kids wouldn't make him like them, it would just destroy us.
I wish I had "given up" earlier.
Oh, and punishing never, ever worked.
He wasn't sorry for his behaviour - as he told me a lot later, if he had done something bad it either (a) was an accident (or out of his control in some way, for example if he was furious, or pushed to do it) in which case why should he say sorry or (b) he had intended to do it in which case he wasn't sorry, so why should he say it.
It's hard to understand, but that actually makes sense if you think about it.
Maryz, I wonder if your DS is leading a double life as my DS - those are almost exactly his words about his behaviour.
I will try really hard to disengage and walk away - it certainly seems the only option left to us. So hard though, because we have so much wrapped up in caring for them. As you say, their behaviour is a measure of our success and we want so much to be good mothers that we take it personally if everything seems to point to the opposite. I'm not a pushy mother - DS freely acknowledges that - but I do feel I need to control certain things, such as manners. I will try letting to all go and see what happens. When DS was a toddler he always kicked up a fuss about teeth cleaning. One I com
Oops, sorry, on a mobile. Meant to say, once I completely forgot about them and he was very indignant and insisted they needed to be done. So yes, reverse psychology may well be the answer.
Like thornrose I don't think in terms of "winning" and "losing". My DS is not rude and aggressive because he thinks it's the best way to get what he wants. He is rude because he has become agitated and he is no longer thinking straight, and he gets aggressive when he has lost sight of all the other options.
And even when he sounds very logical my DS may still be totally irrational. Something I picked up from an Aspie-temper-management book - I make my point twice and then I stop talking. My DS must always have the last word but he still takes in what I said even when he's still arguing fiercely against it. Whatever he says in response is just venting his feelings even if it sounds like law or science or child psychology. It means nothing.
Your holiday story is familiar – my DS still gets very spitty when we travel, and when he was younger we always had a full-blown meltdown soon after arrival. On the second morning of every holiday I usually think, DS is horrible, we're all miserable, why did we bother. Then DS starts to get to used to it, calms down, cheers up, and we have quite a good time for the rest of the holiday. Travelling to a holiday is a high-stress time when I know DS will be on his worst behaviour and as well as doing everything I can to lower stress I will have to let a lot of rudeness go to avoid an explosion, and what happens on the travel day, stays on the travel day, I try not to hang on to it. So I think you handled the holiday very well.
And thornrose, I would love to hear my DS say that something was not my fault but it's not happened yet! But DS has apologised without prompting 3 times in his life, and I treasure every one
Funnily enough, "Explosive Child" was originally for kids with ODD and my old edition doesn't even mention Asperger's but quite a few of us use it for kids with ASCs and it's been a great help, so I don't care about the label. I think the new edition covers the endless "no" problem too, I've been meaning to download the new version myself.
Yes, his entire life has been a double life, I think.
Talking to him now some of the things he says about when he was young are so, so sad. What teachers said (or at least what he heard them say, they might not have actually said it but that's how he remembers it) and how he was treated at school are awful to hear.
To be fair, if you are worried about controlling manners, things can't (be honest) be too bad.
Have think about it, and come up with the unbreakable rules (at our worst they were "no drugs in the house, no violence", but whatever rules you know you can enforce and that are necessary). Try to back off on anything else.
And it's much better to talk outside the actual time of the issue. So for me, if I come in and go mad that the house is a mess, he rolls his eyes and disappears. If I quietly clear up, and then later say "it wasn't really fair that i had to clear your mess", the next day tends to be a lot better.
Yes it's a bit pathetic.
Yes, he gets away with murder.
Yes I spend a lot of time biting my tongue.
BUT things are much better, we can talk (sometimes), the younger kids are happy, he is slowly growing up.
One other thing (sorry).
He HATES it when I over-invest emotionally. He can't understand why I would say "it upsets me when you don't clear up/are rude to me/break the rules" - he can't understand why what he does makes me upset, as far as he is concerned my upset is my problem.
And he also HATES it when I care too much. We get on much better in a landlady/tenant relationship than as a mother/son. Not that any landlady would put up with him [sigh]
Kleinzeit, your posts on this thread are great. I'm going to go and stalk you elsewhere to see what else you are saying, as it's great to get so many people's perspective.
You and Thorn and Flow and others make me realise that my family might be dysfunctional but I'm not the only one
cinnamon Have you had any counselling?
I really believe that if you could remove all the thoughts of "normal parenting" (if there is such a thing!) and find your own path you might not feel so conflicted.
I believe that no child would want to behave so violently towards a loving parent. I believe that dd has no choice when she behaves this way. I could take her (precious) laptop away and make her/our life, hell on earth. I could take every one of her possessions out of her room for a week and her/our life would be hell.
Next time she lost control, threatening to take her laptop or all her possessions would not be enough to stop her. No threat, punishment or consequence is stronger than her anger, in that moment.
Regarding your ds taunting you, I've had this too. I told dd in no uncertain terms that I have taken control, by choosing the path I want to follow, not what the books tell me. I told her I have chosen this path because I love her and I believe it's the right one for us and she's bloody lucky
My dd has no choice but to accept it isn't my fault because it's the truth! I'm not being flippant but she has a logical, black and white mind. She can say I annoyed her, or pissed her off but ultimately she cannot say it was my fault. She can try and if there's a shadow of truth in what she says eg."I made her feel useless/small/stupid" I will say " I'm sorry that you felt that way but why would I want you to feel useless etc, what on earth would be in it for me?" "What could I possibly have to gain from doing this?" She's starting to get it.
The difference is your ds is clinging onto the fact that your punishment caused/triggered this. If that was removed from the equation perhaps he would have to take responsibility?
I am "lucky" in some respects as dd has no siblings. I appreciate that must make things a whole lot more complicated!
I don't know what it is about this thread that makes me write such essays, sorry. I hope you don't mind me sharing my experiences, I don't get to "talk" to like minded people often.
Whaddya mean a dysfunctional family maryz – we're like the Royle Family, a fully functioning family of dysfunctional people
cinnamontoast I got the impression your DS's Dad hadn't been much involved with DS until recently? I do think it would be great if your DS could manage to stay with his Dad some of the time. Maybe for a week or two, or maybe regularly once a week overnight. You and your DP and DD do need respite. It may be difficult for all of you at first, including DS and his Dad. DS may kick off before he goes, or while he's there. But if it could become a regular part of DS's life, or a treat he looks forward to, then it would be healthy for him and good for everyone else. Is that something you could see happening?
Or maybe his Dad could take him away somewhere during the February or Easter break? It might seem like rewarding bad behaviour but if you don't present it like that – if he's doing it "because he's the oldest" or "a break from exams" or something – then it wont have that effect on him. And it would be nice for the three of you at home, wouldn't it?
If at all possible it's better to build in regular short breaks with his Dad rather than have DS shuttling to his Dad's house when you can't cope and then back to yours when he can't cope. That's a very insecure feeling and Aspies hate insecurity.
(thornrose I am nodding along to your posts, and maryz, and the others here!)
a fully functioning family of dysfunctional people I LOVE that!
Kleinzeit, Thornrose, Maryz - I am hugely grateful to you all. Thank you so much for coming on here and helping me try to turn things around. I often feel quite isolated because I don't know anyone in a similar situation to mine. You've clearly been through it and come up with some strategies. I got DH to read this thread and we have both agreed that we will try backing off completely, not enforcing small things, and not giving DS a response when he kicks off. I love the point about not imposing a punishment because that gives him something to blame - I simply hadn't looked at it that way. Significantly, on the occasion when I did flee from him and lock myself in the bathroom, although he banged on the door for ages he actually apologised afterwards which is incredibly unusual - so there must be something in what you say about avoiding conflict.
Kleinzeit, interesting that holidays are a trigger for you too. We usually spend half the holiday vowing that we'll never take DS on holiday again, but by the end it's fine. We've had two good holidays without scenes but both times I was so tense waiting for trouble that it's only retrospectively that I can enjoy them.
DH and I have both said despairingly in the past that the only way we can deal with his scenes is to do nothing - but that felt like total failure and a licence for further bad behaviour. It's really reassuring to know that in fact we've only got a chance of 'winning' if we allow ourselves to lose. I think we needed permission to do that.
When he was 13, we had absolutely the worst holiday ever. When we got back, I made him - in the days when I could occasionally make him do things - write a letter apologising to his sister for upsetting her so much. A SENCO, I think it was, had said that it was important to make him write stuff like this down, so he'd be less likely to do it again when confronted with a bit of paper (as if that was ever going to work). I've still got his letter - a masterpiece of evasion: 'Dear X, I apologise for whatever adverse effects, direct or indirect, my behaviour over the holiday may or may not have had upon you.' That's what we're up against! I just hope he has a great career as a politician or a lawyer ahead of him.
I have ordered The Explosive Child (is there a companion volume, The Explosive Parent? Might come in handy too.) Kleinzeit, thanks for your suggestion about DS's dad. I think it would be helpful if he was more involved but he sticks strictly to the appointed times (Weds nights and Fri or Sat nights). In the past, if I've asked him to have the children at any other time he has accused me of taking advantage of him or using him as a babysitter . I will suggest it to him though. He refused to take DS on holiday for years because he said he was 'too difficult', but did take both of them away last summer. I'm hoping he will again this year.
PS, Thornrose, it is a huge weight off my mind that you've told me to 'remove any thoughts of "normal" parenting'. I felt I was failing so badly at that, but it really hadn't occurred to me that perhaps it just wasn't applicable here.
And, PPS (sorry!). Maryz, landlady/tenant relationship - yes, absolutely! He emerges from his room occasionally to says things like, 'I don't understand why the bin in the bathroom hasn't been emptied for some time' - as if he's complaining about the staff. If ever I express emotion, or say that something he's done has been upsetting for me, he looks as appalled as if I'd taken my clothes off and run naked down the street. (It did occur to me, when he refused to leave our bedroom at midnight, that maybe I should just undress ...)
That's a wonderful letter.
I still have one ds sent to a teacher "I'm sorry that you felt that making yourself upset was a good punishment for me" or words to that effect.
It's funny, with hindsight. Not so much at the time when faced with a furious head teacher.
Can I give you one glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, though. At one stage I thought my younger children's lives had been ruined by ds1. He was violent and involved in drugs. He attacked ds2 once seriuosly, and threatened and attacked them both more than once. He also went into really frightening psychotic rages at times. I was a wreck, a really bad parent to my younger children for about five years.
But my younger two have grown up to be extraordinarily nice and empathetic children. Since they were about 10/12 I have been open and honest with them about ds, I have always told them the truth. I have told them he can't help his behaviour, but that doesn't make it right.
And now they are 17 and 15 they have massive sympathy for him. They are 100% loyal, they know that the way we are doing it now is right. They never (apart from a bit of muttering) say "ds1 was allowed to (whatever) when he was my age". They make tv/food/bedroom allowances, they recognise the triggers and always remain calm.
Ironically dd wants to do nursing - she wants to work with people with autism and other SN (she has done volunteer work in an adult respite centre).
ds2 wants to teach, specifically troubled children.
So having an older brother like ds hasn't harmed them as much as I was afraid at the time (though I've promised I will pay their counselling bills when they are adults )
Maryz, that must have been a terrible, terrible time for you, and congratulations for getting your younger children through it relatively unscathed - you must have been a much better parent than you gave yourself credit for. Your DCs sound amazing. It does give them an insight, doesn't it? When DD was at primary school there was a little boy that everyone thought was 'difficult' but she told me that actually he was really like DS in his behaviour and that he couldn't help it. Unfortunately, the teachers didn't seem to have the same insight.
Hope your DS is back on track now and no longer involved with drugs.
I too have resorted to physical contact with naked husband to get rid of ranting daughter in our bedroom at midnight, in the past! It does work and at least has the advantage of being non confrontational. Your comment about the bin emptying struck a chord with me, too - I used to find the lack of gratitude for household tasks and the assumption that everything domestic is entirely my affair very difficult to deal with, but I have found that changing my response and expecting nothing, not even gratitude, has meant that I occasionally get thanks. OP, I recognise a lot of your son's view of the world in what my daughter has said in the past, almost word for word. My daughter found it really irritating when I got upset about things she said. I have also found that abandoning conventional ideas of expectations when parenting has been the most helpful approach. For us, things have got much better with age - I used to be in tears almost every day at the worst, but that seems like a distant nightmare now.
Alice, my husband is quite keen on trying that tactic! I wish we had tried it the other night - then maybe we'd have ended up laughing rather than crying.
So glad to hear things got better for you over time. It's good to know there might be light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for the kind words maryz. I'm impressed how you stood by your DS through such bad times. He must have had a very hard time at school and that can only have made things worse at home. (I don't know if you've seen the documentary about the Jackson family with 4 boys with ASCs – there's a great bit where a teacher says "often Johnny copes with change at school much better than we expect" cut to his mother saying "I can always tell when anything has changed at school, Johnny comes home and hits me" ) We've been very lucky with my DS's schools and they've treated him with nothing but tolerance and understanding. In his first year of secondary he swore at one of the catering staff (disagreement over a fork!) and afterwards the catering manager said "I used to work in a special school, I'll talk to the staff and make sure DS is OK" ! How cool was that? The schools' attitude has made a huge difference.
And it's great to see how all our teenagers who must be so different in many ways have so much in common too. I had the exact "I don't think that is fair" talk with DS this week (and he even mumbled "sorry" which was a shock to me).
Though my DS is actually easier to live with as a teenager than he was at primary school. When things are going well he can seem very "normal" and I can do a lot of ordinary-type parenting . But then it gets easy to expect too much . When I stop and think , his strops are almost always caused by an ASC issue like communication, or anxiety, or change, or a disruption to his routines. (Which is why holidays are so difficult – a holiday is a big change of place and day-to-day routine, everything is different and unexpected. Takes him time to get used to it.) Then it's back to Aspie strategies and Explosive Child til things calm down.
And it's very comforting for me to know there are parents out there who've been through really hard teen stuff and come out the other side. We still work hard just to keep things stable, so far we're doing OK but if things go wrong I'll know who to ask for advice
Kleinzeit, I think part of the difficulty with this sort of parenting is that we expect stress to manifest itself in a particular way but often the bad behaviour seems far removed from the source of stress - it's only looking back later that you can pinpoint it and realise that actually they were going through a difficult time. When DS was younger, there was a lot of talk about overload - he would hide under a table at primary school, for example, if it was noisy. I think I probably thought overload was a thing of the past but now it's just manifesting itself in more aggressive ways.
Yes, my DS too often seems more 'normal' as a teenager - which makes the explosions all the more shocking when they occur.
After a particularly bad holiday, I phoned the NAS helpline, where they get a parent who's been through similar difficulties to phone you back. When I said we'd had a terrible holiday, the parent laughed and said, ''You still take him on holiday? We gave up on holidays years ago!" Which wasn't very reassuring. We still keep trying though ...
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Summary: This joyous play, the last comedy of Shakespeare's career, sums up his stagecraft with a display of seemingly effortless skill. Prospero, exiled Duke of Milan, living on an enchanted island, has the opportunity to punish and forgive his enemies when he raises a tempest that drives them ashore -- as well as to forestall a rebellion, to arrange the meeting of his daughter, Miranda, with an eminently suitable young prince, and, more important, to relinquish his magic po ...show morewers in recognition of his advancing age. Richly filled with music and magic, romance and comedy, the play's theme of love and reconciliation offers a splendid feast for the senses and the heart. ...show less
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Perpetual Inspiration
Lives in
AZ, United States
Joined on
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Rachel i'm sorry I never responded to your comment! Thanks for the vote and the compliment. Can't win them all but I know my little girl is beautiful so that's all that matters.
On God's Light in the - Divine Presence - (Black and White Shot only +No human/animal/insect) challenge
(6 comments in total)
Thomas I took this pic in Upper Antelope Canyon in Page, AZ. At certain times of the day light beams enter the slot canyons. One of the most amazing places I have been. I've lived in AZ for 17 years and this was the first time I have been there.


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This is a work of fiction. All characters and events in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, flesh and blood or digital, is purely coincidental. Please read more about copyrights and acknowledgements at the end of this book.
Visit the author's website on www.emilevanveen.com
Copyright © 2010 Emile van Veen, all rights reserved
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Plant from Asphalt Drum Mixers can incorporate up to 30 percent recycled material.
Hoban Equipment Ltd., a British Columbia, Canada, construction company has purchased a portable asphalt plant that Hoban says will help it expand its asphalt paving offerings in Canada. The asphalt plant is a model EX8842 from Asphalt Drum Mixers Inc. (ADM), Huntertown, Ind., and was first erected near Regina, Saskatchewan, to repave a 17-kilometer stretch of the Trans-Canada Highway. Hoban says it selected the model due to its ease of use and productivity. The EX8842 produces up to 250 tons of asphalt per hour. It includes a counterflow mixing drum, baghouse, cold feed bins, self-erecting storage silo, drag conveyor, asphalt cement tanks, mineral filler silo and recycle bins. The system is designed for fuel efficiency and low emissions. The plant also features the ability to incorporate up to 30 percent recycled material in its asphalt mixes. To erect the new plant, a service team from Asphalt Drum Mixers traveled to Saskatchewan to oversee the project. "The whole setup process went well, thanks to the help of the Asphalt Drum Mixers crew," says Mike Tiffin, project manager for Hoban Equipment. "And, because the new plant is so easy to use, we can train new plant operators in no time at all."
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- Arlington HS
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- The Eagles
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National Election Headlines
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- RICHARD'S POOR ALMANACK: On this day in 971 AD, Southern Han war elephant corps defeated by Song Dynasty troops bowmen; in 1870, Montana, Marias massacre, U.S. kills 173 Native Americans; in 1941, Charles Lindbergh recommends neutrality pact with Nazis.
- TOMORROW'S HEADLINES TODAY: Bryanna Allen reports Castleton Downtown hosts open house, fire in Springfield leaves family without a roof of their own, suspected Bosnian war criminal trial goes to jury, Brent Curtis reports Rutland Town budget set to rise.
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- RICHARD'S POOR ALMANACK: On this day in 1861, JEFFERSON DAVIS resigns from the U.S. Senate to become president of the Confederate States of America, in 1908, NYC passes law forbidding women from smoking in public; in 1968, B-52 crashes, loses H-bomb.
- TOMORROW'S HEADLINES TODAY: Aldermen debate request for $75K from Zamias Fund for Wonderfeet museum, Bryanna Allen covers CSC Spring Convocation, proponents of sugary drinks tax meet press at State House, Neal Goswami reports revenue forecast for state.
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SPRINGFIELD, Mo. - More viral infections are going around this week.
Once school starts back up, a lot of doctors offices get very busy treating kids for these infections.
They could be the common cold, the stomach flu or a respiratory illness.
Students are once again in close quarters with each other sharing everything including germs, viruses, even mites.
Viral respiratory infections are sending a lot of people to see the doctor at Cox Health's Nixa Clinic.
Symptoms include nasal congestion, cough and drainage.
Doctors say the best way to stay healthy is to wash your hands.
Also, stay away from people who are sick and drink plenty of water.
It's also a good idea to get at least 8 hours of sleep.
If you are the one who is sick, doctors say to stay home at least 24 hours after the symptoms subside.
Allergies are also still a nuisance in the Ozarks.
Now that September is here and the weather has taken a little bit of a dip from the hot summer temperatures, ragweed season is about to start.
According to the Springfield-Greene County Health Department's pollen data for September 5, 2013 mold is high, grass is moderate, tree pollen is low and weed pollen is high.


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Jim Butler Motel
TravelPod Member ReviewsJim Butler Motel Tonopah
We had been travelling for a month before we reached the Jim Butler motel. This is the first of the low cost motels we have stayed in that has stood out from the crowd. Interesting rooms, really helpful staff, extra comfortable beds and more than adequate breakfast.
Only downside was the excess environmental impact. The products they used carried huge fuel miles unnecessarily. Soap and face cloths from China, shampoo from Mexico. They also used disposable coffee maker trays - more unnecessary environmental impact.
This review is the subjective opinion of a TravelPod member and not of TravelPod.com.
TripAdvisor Reviews Jim Butler Motel Tonopah
Travel Blogs from Tonopah
Next stop!
- Made it to Tonopah safe and sound.
- Stopped off at a gas station to fill up.
- Spent about $44.43
- Bought some lunch at a local diner
- Had some great tacos with beans and rice
- I met a lady at the diner who was a Native American
- Her name was ...
Nevada, Area 51 Day 22
... since trek had started. We stopped for late lunch around 2ish at the Alieinn, this was dinner paying homage to anything alien(we where abduction capital). Little way down the road was the extraterrestrial highway sign. Photos and putting a blow up alien on the sign followed as well as signing our names and trek group., back on you road by 2.50pm or another 3hour drive followed. We arrived at 6.15pm at what can be described as the middle of nowhere. Benton ...
On our way to Yosemite.
... Thank God we have our on portable bedroom or this would have been a real downer! This is why we are 6 days ahead of schedule. I did make the family take a horse back tour of Bryce Canyon as it went right down to the floor and back up over a few hours. They all loved it.
I can't begin to describe the beauty of these parks. I believe this is why poets were invented, to put the appropriate words to describe places like these when us commoners fail to articulate ...
Evening & Morning In Gold Point
... mile southeast of Hornsilver and discovered a rich silver vein which brought a stampede of miners back to the camp. In addition to the rich silver ore, gold was also mined in small quantities. By 1908, the tent homes turned into more permanent wooden structures and the camp became a town. In May, 1908 the Hornsilver Herald began publication and the following week a post office was established. Before long the residents organized a chamber of commerce and numerous ...
Hard Luck Castle
... thoughts and dreams of building in the desert. This remote property is surrounded by thousands of acres of BLM land. Remote, desolate, secluded, private - all describe the Hard Luck Mine Castle. Nearly thirteen years of construction have gone into the building of this Gothic style Castle. With the help of friends, Mr. Johnstons has created a Castle that mirrors that of Death Valley Scotty's Castle (20 miles away). The Castle foundation is 50 feet in diameter and consists of ...


text: We were very pleasantly surprised by Millers! It was wonderful. They have a nice menu with options for the people in our group who weren't seafood lovers like the rest of us were. The dining area was very nice, kept up and had huge windows overlooking the water. The server we had was young, but she did a great job... More


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Army financial and system managers did not reengineer their Logistics Modernization Program system to perform Procure-to-Pay functions correctly, leaving the program open to fraud and poor bookkeeping, according to a new report.
The LMP system is set up to record accounting transactions for goods and services while also processing data for the Army Working Capitol Fund's business operations.
However, the Defense Department's inspector general reported that Army managers didn't provide effective oversight for building the LMP system and setting up system access templates. The result was a lack of data integrity for the Procure-to-Pay process, according to the report released May 29.
As of Aug. 31, 2011, LMP reported more than $10.6 billion in abnormal balances within the Procure-to-Pay general ledger accounts.
Furthermore, the Army Enterprise Systems Integration Program Management Office didn't determine the standard financial data attributes needed to establish the vendor master database and populate the correct domain values for Army systems to process Procure-to-Pay transactions correctly.
The IG recommended the Army create a vendor database on the System for Award Management [SAM], a new comprehensive center for acquisition data hosted by the General Services Administration. It's scheduled to go live this summer.
Army officials agreed with the IG's other recommendations as well. Officials said they would conduct reviews of the system and how it is used. As for using SAM, the Army said it would take some changes to adapt the system to fit DOD's current setup.
About the Author
Matthew Weigelt is a freelance journalist who writes about acquisition and procurement.
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The new chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee extends an olive branch to the minority, but keeps subpoena power for himself.
FCW investigated efforts by the departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs to improve a joint data repository on military and veteran suicides. Something as impersonal and mundane as incomplete datasets could be exacerbating a national tragedy.
Despite delays, the program is at a critical point for determining the ultimate impact of cloud technology in the government space.
In an interview with FCW, the Department of Veterans Affairs' chief technology officer talks about overhauling the digital experience for VA customers.
The National Information Exchange Model's usefulness extends far beyond its origins in justice and law enforcement.
ACT-IAC'S Rick Holgate and Dan Chenok look ahead to what's next for federal IT in 2015.
A bill that will allow DHS to hire cybersecurity professionals faster and pay them more now heads to the president for his signature.
How NASA and other agencies are using contests to bring better ideas into acquisition.
ONC will focus more on data interoperability and the use of health IT to improve patient outcomes.
Would you be refering to that monstrosity calleds "GFEBS" that has even the Army guesing how much money they have used or not???
WHY is each agency rolling their own on all these accounting systems, many or most that do not follow GAAP? A DoD wide or Fed-wide standard accounting package for everyone to use seems like a no-brainer to anyone looking in from outside.


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In what has become a primer to the college football season, NFL's Future looks at ten true freshman that will not only see the field but make an impact in 2014.
With the college football recruiting landscape boiling over more each year, it's imperative that schools get these youngsters on the playing field early in their careers. We'll look at some names you know but a handful of names that you should be monitoring this year and well into the future.
Curtis Samuel, RB/WR, Ohio State
The Skinny: At almost every opportunity, Urban Meyer has gushed about Samuel – a versatile athlete that will see time at RB and the vaunted "H" position in Meyer's offensive attack. At 5-foot-11, 190 pounds Samuel possesses game breaking speed but has surprised many with his physicality.
What we should expect: Samuel isn't likely to open week one as the starting RB but don't expect him to stay on the sidelines for long. I would anticipate Tom Herman planning 10-15 touches a game for Samuel – at RB and H. Read the rest of this entry » «10 True Freshman that will Impact in '14»


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2/6/2014 at 3:47 p.m. Channing Tatum, Innocent Songbird, Doesn't Know What Fap Means Tatum got inducted into the pen-15 club. READ MORE »
4/15/2010 at 3:15 p.m. Dicks In, BJ's Out at Bank of America What? What's funny about that? READ MORE »
Empire Is a Massive Hit. Here's What Its Success Could Mean for the TV Business. 22.4k Shares Share Tweet


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bio | website | |
location | ||
age | ||
visits | member for | 4 years, 6 months |
seen | Nov 2 '14 at 15:10 | |
stats | profile views | 23 |
Away from Stack Exchange for a while.
Sep 24 |
awarded | Autobiographer |
Jun 19 |
comment |
View/compare revision differences in new Google Docs document
Right, I guess the feature to compare two specific revisions is gone. Each revision can be compared with the previous, though, and this gives a hack for comparing an older revision with the current one: restore it, then restore the current one again, so that the two ones you want to compare are the top two revisions. |
Jun 1 |
comment |
View/compare revision differences in new Google Docs document
Does this work for you? I tried it in both Chrome and Firefox, and I don't see any "Compare checked", or check boxes after clicking on "See revision history". It just shows a pane on the right, with the list of revisions, and click on each of them gives a button to restore the document to that revision. |
Dec 7 |
comment |
How did this guy hack Twitter's 140-character limit?
The short answer: the tweet has less than 140 characters; it's just an encoding issue that's causing your browser to display it as more characters. |
Oct 12 |
comment |
Why is Gmail showing the wrong date/time for my messages?
What's your timezone, and what's the timezone messages are being shown in? Does this happen with emails received from sources in all timezones? Does it happen with emails you send yourself? Have you set the right timezone in Gmail's settings? |
Jul 8 |
awarded | Supporter |


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Alias2001 | TV Show
A sexy, high-octane thrill ride filled with espionage, intrigue and cliffhangers. It chronicles the adventures of operative Sydney Bristow as she battles shadowy intelligence agencies, along with some seriously twisted family members. During season 2, exec (more…)
Premiered: September 30, 2001
Rating: TV-14
Season 3, Episode 8 Breaking Point
First Aired: November 23, 2003
Syd lands in NSC custody for killing Sark's dad, but it's the memory-extracting surgery they have lined up for her that could be the real killer. But as Vaughn and Jack hit up Sloane to rescue her, loyalty has Lauren is torn between thwarting them or supporting them. Brill: Richard Roundtree. Sark: David Anders. Campbell: Pruitt Taylor Vince. Lauren: Melissa George.
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See items selected especially for you. Shop recommendations.
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Bernadette Rivero was born on March 27, 1979 in Jackson, Michigan, USA. She is a writer and producer, known for Pati's Mexican Table (2011), Evil Dead (2013) and Bad Habits (2007). She has been married to Ed Rivero since August 10, 2002. They have one child.
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Born:in Jackson, Michigan, USA |
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One of things that has been holding back small business when it comes to having an online presence has been lack of technical knowledge. Many business owners are technically challenged by website builders and CRMs, feel that they just don't have the computer skills to maintain them properly or figure that they are just too damned expensive to justify. If they do attempt to enter the online world they will generally cherry pick cheap, individual services and hope that they will all work together somewhere down the line. OElite Platform offers a cost effective set of small business management tools ... Read more
They say that for every person that physically complains about a service you provide or a product that you sell, there are at least six others that don't. They just tell their friends...who tell their friends...who tell their friends. The fact is, having people complain about your business is not a bad thing. It gives you the opportunity to put things right and to establish a good rapport with customers. GripeO is a free customer support and help desk for web and mobile that makes the complaining procedure easier by changing the way we do it. It aims to work ... Read more
We've said plenty of times here at FeedMyApp that one of the major benefits of the app generation has been the opportunity given to small business to run their show using free or very cheap applications. There are plenty of excellent CRM's and project management tools that give the small team a chance to compete with the big guys. But, something you don't see very often is something that can take up a lot of your precious time - namely, the help desk app. VivaDesk offers free and pad versions of their on-demand, web-based help desk and customer support vehicle. ... Read more
I guess the biggest difference between this new online survey application and other recently reviewed apps like TabletView and Pinnion is that Survey Anyplace has been developed specifically for mobiles. This iOS and Android app is a simple way for anyone to create eye-catching surveys and quizzes, wrap them in their own brand colors, add a logo and multimedia elements and get customer feedback to provide a better service and better profits. At under thirty dollars a month for the most popular plan Survey Anytime may be a cost effective way of providing better customer service management for your business. ... Read more
Syncfrog provides Intelligent Data-Loading into CRM that allows its users to control how, where and when information is placed. Unlike the competition, Syncfrog focuses on, and... Read more
Smartsupp is a smart live chat for e-commerce. Smartsupp enables you to instantly communicate with visitors on your website. Smartsupp improves customer loyalty and conversions up... Read more
SQLSphere helps you build your business without worrying about your database. You get access to expert database administrators 24/7 for your support and maintenance needs. Read more
Keeping™ is the world's first helpdesk that works inside Gmail. Keeping™ is a Gmail extension that adds helpdesk functionalities to any Gmail or Google App... Read more


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Five thoughts on the Capitals' 4-3 shootout win in Philadelphia
Joel Rechlicz scores the game-winner, John Erskine's place in the lineup and more.
Joel Rechlicz scores the game-winner, John Erskine's place in the lineup and more.
General Manager George McPhee says the Capitals have no interest in trading Michal Neuvirth. But he's still penciled in as Braden Holtby's backup heading into next season.
Braden Holtby anchored the Capitals for the bulk of the season, but GM George McPhee insists there is no hierarchy in net.
The backup goaltender signs a two-year contract worth $5 million -- meaning he'll be making more money than starter Braden Holtby.
Notes from the Capitals' morning skate.
Rest is all well and good but Braden Holtby would rather be in the Capitals net. He'll be back there Thursday night with a start against the Carolina Hurricanes.
Notes from the Capitals' 3-2 win in Montreal including how shaking off an initial one-goal deficit demonstrated their resiliency, Alex Ovechkin, Michal Neuvirth and more.
Coach Adam Oates explains why the Capitals will turn to Michal Neuvirth tonight in Montreal.
Michal Neuvirth says he's feeling better three days after being struck in the mask by a shot.
The Captials are guarding against the possibility that the goaltender suffered a concussion when he took a puck off the mask in Saturday's morning skate. They've called up Grubauer to back up Braden Holtby against the Flyers.
Most Read


text:
Subject: COMM
Course Number : 0210
Course Title: Social Media Communication
Course Description:
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GE: Behavioral Sciences Non-Western /Global
Course Level: lower level
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text:
In the beginning, we were those kids
That played on the dirt fields
from Clint Dempsey (Ft. Big Hawk & XO (Producer)) – Don't Tread Lyrics on Genius
Clint Dempsey grew up poor, often living in a trailer park, playing soccer with anyone he could find. Dirt fields is a reference to the surface a poor person would be forced to play soccer on.
To help improve the quality of the lyrics, visit "Don't Tread" by Clint Dempsey (Ft. Big Hawk & XO (Producer)) Lyrics and leave a suggestion at the bottom of the page


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Updated 05/06/2013
With its international cuisine, attentive service, and live music and shows, this 5-story restaurant mall is somewhat of an outlier among Adler restaurants, most of which are cheap cafeterias. Forward Tower features Caucasian (shashlyk kebabs), European, and Japanese (sushi) concepts. The restaurant complex also provides takeout and includes a trendy bar with a veranda. Its status as the only "European" level dining experience in the neighborhood makes it a popular
place for dates. Its location near the Olympic Park makes it a convenient spot for dinner during the Olympic Games. It is best to reserve a table in advance, especially during the Olympic Games, as the restaurant tends to get crowded, particularly on weekends.


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Community featured forum posts Ask a question to the Gaithersburg, MD Community March 2013 Wedding on a budget in Maryland (Silver Spring, MD)(4014 views / 13 posts) Last Post by jadie808 posted April 2, 2013 Baby Shower (Silver Spring, MD)(87 views / 1 posts) Last Post by cnaza1318672 posted 14 days ago What is the difference between an event planner and event coordinator(32858 views / 40 posts) Last Post by suzanH posted 23 hours ago What's the BEST piece of wedding advice you've ever gotten/heard?(7136 views / 21 posts) Last Post by suzanH posted 6 days ago A Birthday Isn't A Birthday Without....(16364 views / 41 posts) Last Post by sonic1301890 posted 7 days ago start a new discussion see more posts
Top Articles featured event planning article Choosing the Right Providers for Your Wedding Posted by admin Planning your wedding can be overwhelming, but taking the time to choose the right venue, caterer, photographer, DJ, and other vendors will help create an unforgettable experience for you and your guests. Consider these tips as you begin your search and learn from the experiences of other brides. Read More
featured event planning article Party Planning 101 Posted by eventective Planning a party can be a very stressful task and many people don't know where to start. Eventective helps walk you through the process and guide your critical decisions. Read More


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Shipping and Transport Bulletin — April–May 2013 issue
The April–May 2013 issue of the Shipping and Transport Bulletin is available now. In this newsletter, Emilio De Giorgi, antitrust law expert active in NCTM's London office, analyses the recent decision by the European Commission not to extend the application of the system of partial exemption of the principles of the EU Treaty to maritime transport — a scenario that could cause significant difficulties to the entire maritime industry.
Our Custom department in Genoa signals a recent Court case that deals with the statute of limitation of the Italian Customs assessment to importation of goods.
We then analyse the application of the "RETLA Clause" to a bill of lading. An English ruling once again imposes on the shipowner and his captain certain specific obligations that are deemed as necessary to avoid unpleasant surprises…
If you are registered and logged in to the site, click on the link below to read the rest of the NCTM briefing. If not, please register or sign in with your details below.
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News from NCTM
NCTM assists Yarpa and LBO France over sale of IZO to Vaxxinova
NCTM assists Yarpa and LBO France on the sale of IZO to Vaxxinova
NCTM Studio Legale Associato helps Estancia San Francisco in big Spanish real estate deal
NCTM assists Poligrafici Real Estate in €36.3m Florence real estate deal
NCTM and L4C get antitrust green light for JV between Messaggerie and Feltrinelli
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Measures for distressed undertakings of strategic interest
In Italy, measures have been taken to preserve the continuity of operation of industrial plants of national strategic interest.
Can the admission to concordato preventivo be revoked if creditors, informed by the judicial commissioner of fraudulent acts, approved the proposal of the debtor?
The Italian Supreme Court ruled that the disclosure of acts in fraud carried out by the debtor causes the admission to concordato preventivo to be revoked according to Article 173 IBL, even in case of approval by the creditors.
Analysis from The Lawyer
European firms in London: A chance to shine
Being sent to London on secondment is a prized opportunity for associates in European firms


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Isle of Capri points racing returns to local speedway
LOCUST GROVE — The Isle of Capri racing series returns to the Batesville Motor Speedway Friday as all five classes battle for points and try to inch their way up the standings. Also on the card will be power wheel racing and bicycle racing for …
Bielema says off-the-field work shows Hogs' progress
FAYETTEVILLE — Assessments of the Arkansas Razorbacks' football prospects, coming off their 3-9 overall and 0-8 in the SEC 2013 season, seem to intersect at these conclusions: One, the Razorbacks may improve significantly in Coach Bret Bielema's second year. Two, markedly significant improvement still may …
Sports Calendar
Upcoming sporting events in Batesville and the surrounding area for Thursday, July 24 – Saturday, July 26, 2014.
Cobb outduels Lynn, Rays win 3-0
ST. LOUIS (AP) — St. Louis right-hander Lance Lynn was at the top of his game on Wednesday night. So was Tampa Bay right-hander Alex Cobb and the Rays beat the Cardinals 3-0. Lynn gave up one earned run over six-and-a-third innings and continued a …
National Guard troops entertain Junior, Rahal
EDINBURGH, Ind. (AP) — Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Graham Rahal are used to occasional fireworks when drivers get upset at the track. They saw the real thing Wednesday visiting Indiana National Guard troops at Camp Atterbury. They got an up-close look at some of the …
NCAA infractions chair responds to allegations
IRVING, Texas (AP) — The chairman of the NCAA's infractions committee says a number of factors could be the cause for the lack of activity by the group that prompted Big 12 Commissioner Bob Bowlsby to call the enforcement program "broken." Conference USA Commissioner Britton …
Sports Briefs
Pro baseball CHICAGO (AP) — San Diego Padres outfielder Cameron Maybin was suspended 25 games by Major League Baseball on Wednesday for testing positive for an amphetamine. Maybin said in a statement released by the Major League Baseball Players Association the failed test was the …
Batesville-based softball team wins USFA World Series title
Turned Up, an 18-and-under softball team based in Batesville, won the Class B United States Fastpitch Association World Series in Panama City Beach, Florida, last week, going unbeaten and allowing just three runs in seven games. Turned Up defeated the Tennessee Rampage 3-0, Oklahoma Bandits …
4 circulation area athletes bound for Junior Olympics
Batesville's Kate Moody, Trey Moody and Joseph Wells, and Cave City's Kendall Townsley are scheduled to compete in the Amateur Athletics Union Junior Olympic Games in Des Moines, Iowa, next week. Townsley, who will be an eighth-grader at Cave City Junior High this fall, has …
Sports Calendar
Upcoming sporting events in Batesville and the surrounding area for Thursday, July 24 – Saturday, July 26, 2014.
Survey shows sharp increase in teen HGH use
NEW YORK (AP) — Experimentation with human growth hormones by America's teens more than doubled in the past year, as more young people looked to drugs to boost their athletic performance and improve their looks, according to a new, large-scale national survey. In a confidential …
Sam excited about next phase of career
ST. LOUIS (AP) — Now it starts to get intense for Michael Sam and the rest of the St. Louis Rams rookies. The first openly gay player drafted in the NFL is enthusiastic about the challenge. Twice on Tuesday, he mentioned how enjoyable it was …