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"Summer of Paddling" Challenges Iowas to Seek Fitness Through Paddling
Posted: 05/01/2012
When Dr. Galyn Vande Zande discovered the magic of kayaking Red Rock Lake in 2010, his main motivations were nature watching and a yearning to explore the area. He never expected to enjoy benefits like lower blood pressure or welcome news on his bathroom scale.
"I was dumbfounded," said Vande Zande, who has a family practice in Pella. "I had lost 40 pounds in two months."
Aside from just enjoying an activity outside, central Iowa kayaker Vande Zande discovered that getting fit was part of the package. "Besides being outside on a beautiful lake, I am strengthening my core muscles when I paddle anywhere from two to five hours," he said.
On average, a paddler can burn anywhere from 280 to 700 calories an hour depending on pace and effort, according to a recent study by the American Council on Exercise.
"I find that kayaking is very complimentary to biking in that they are both low impact sports that I can participate in lifelong exercise and fun," said Vande Zande. "Both sports let you experience nature. I would much rather be outside exercising than stuck in a building running on a treadmill."
The Iowa DNR is calling for Iowans to get fit and active by joining events statewide and log the number of minutes they paddle throughout Summer of Paddling 2012, a series of events promoting the Mississippi River and its tributaries. Paddlers will find many Iowa events at
, including water trail designations and other river events.
"Whether or not you take part in one of these organized events, I encourage anyone who paddles this season to begin tracking the minutes they paddle on Livestrong.com," said Todd Robertson, rivers outreach coordinator at the Iowa Department of Natural Resources.
A fitness group set up on Livestrong.com, a web site supported by cyclist Lance Armstrong, allows paddlers to easily track time paddled, and to watch how many calories they burn. Individuals and communities are encouraged to offer challenges to each other, and start down the road to better fitness through paddling. The site also offers an on-site blog for notes and challenges. Register for free at
. Click on "join the group" and you will be taken to the registration page. You are encouraged to explore the
site and even use the "intake" tool in addition to the calorie tracker. Brief instructions are located within the group blog.
"At the end of the season, the person who burns the most calories will get a free, one night stay in a cabin on a water trail and will be able to choose one of four locations across the state.
And it's just not the traditional kayaking and canoeing for paddling fun and fitness, but now exploding onto the scene is stand-up-paddle boarding, better known as SUP.
"I've never had a workout quite like it," said Todd Robertson, outreach coordinator for the Iowa DNR. "Every single muscle comes into play on a SUP and my abs, arms, legs, lungs and mind are reaping the benefits."
Burning calories comes easy when paddling. At a moderate pace for one hour, canoeing can burn 490 calories, kayaking can burn 580 and stand-up-paddleboarding (SUP) can burn up to 700 calories an hour. The health benefits of outdoor activities can show up quickly.
"Paddling played a big role in lowering my blood pressure so significantly that I was able to discontinue my antihypertensive medications," said Dr. Vande Zande. "Paddling, along with healthy eating, changed everything for me."
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Kubota B20 Construction Tractor 4WD Diesel Hydrostatic Loader BackhoeLOADER BACKHOEONLY 279 HOURS OPEN ROPS HYDROSTATIC DRIVE 4X4 20 HP KUBOTA DIESEL ENGINE VERY CLEAN MACHINE
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Published on NJ.com 1/27. Updated 1/27.
Afraid of being snowed in? Can't find a snow blower anywhere today and the blizzard is coming. I'm selling our second snow blower; it's in excellent condition and starts right up. Model: Toro, picture attached. No scams please. Cash only. Available now.
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Published on NJ.com 1/26. Updated 1/26.
Grizzly 6 in. heavy duty jointer w/stand. Model G1182, table length 48 in., manual included, excellent condition. $350. 908-237-0226
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Published in The Hunterdon County Democrat 1/22. Updated 1/22.
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Published in The Hunterdon County Democrat 1/22. Updated 1/27.
Combo consists of the PWB1530 Wheel Balancer and PWC2710 Tire Changer + Deluxe Wheel Weight Kit.SALE *** ORIGINAL PRICE $2,364 NOW DISCOUNTED TO $2,264 ****1 YEAR PARTS WARRANTY ON BOTH UNITS. FREE SHIPPING. NO SALES TAX. TIRE MACHINE AND BALANCER AVAILABLE SEPARATELY - GREAT DEALS. CALL FOR PRICING.CALL CLARK @ 603-234-2612 OR VISIT:http://www.nhproequip.comCALL US FOR TECHNICAL SERVICE OR QUESTIONS ABOUT PHOENIX TIRE EQUIPMENT, WE OFFER FULL SUPPORT.Phoenix PWB1530 Wheel Balancer is a 110v 60 hz motorized digital wheel balancer. It is capable of balancing of steel and aluminum wheels as well as motorcycle wheels with optional adapter. 3 Aluminum Modes allow weight placement to avoid interference with brake and steering parts. Comes complete with hood actuationPHOENIX PWB1530 WHEEL BALANCER FEATURES:Laser light for weight placementSelf CalibrationQuick Switch - Grams to OuncesHood Actuated/Auto start or Press Button StartMany Options for Tire PositioningDynamic and Static ModesQuick Release Wing Nut3 Aluminum ModesMotorcycle Mode - Optional AccessoriesOPT ModeFine Balancing ModeAuto Brake**LARGE CONE AND SPACER INCLUDED, WILL HANDLE UP TO 7 1/8 CENTER HOLE WHEELS SUCH AS F350. OTHER BRANDS CHARGE $300.00 OR MORE OR THIS.**SPECIFICATIONS:Motor Power: 110V / 60 HzMax Wheel Weight: 154 lbsRim Width: 1.5 - 20Rim Diameter: 10 - 24Balancing Accuracy: +/- 1 gBalancing Time: 6 - 9sINCLUDES:4 Cones1 3/4 - 2 5/82 5/8 - 3 5/83 1/16 - 4 5/84 9/16 - 7 1/8 for larger wheel centers such as Ford F350.Spacer for larger pickup wheels such as F350Quick Release Wing NutWheel Weight PliersSmall and Large HubWheel CalipersCalibration WeightDisplay standard/metric Storage Pegs for Cone Set-------------------------------------------------------------------------Phoenix manufactures quality wheel service equipment at affordable prices - they use long lasting components such as metal air valves rather than plastic, a bead breaker cylinder with 5500 lbs of force, a motor and transmission that run smooth (no vibration) and transfer plenty of power to handle even larger wheels, such as Ford F350.PHOENIX PWC2710 TIRE CHANGER FEATURES**Includes an all plastic duck head you can install when working with fragile, high end wheels - normally an option with other suppliersEasy fill oiler, limits wear on internal partsAir filter/quick drain water trap with adjustable regulatorHeavy duty, no flex turntable, 110 volt electric power for forward and reverse, air power for clampingSelf Centering Clamps with Stepping FunctionBead blaster assist for Tubeless TiresRubber Padded Mount/Demount ToolOptional Adapters for MotorcycleAngle of duck head can be adjustedCoated Tool to prevent damage on high end rims.SPECIFICATIONS:Power Supply: 110VMotor Power: 1.5 HpAir Supply: 0.6 - 1.0 mpaRim Clamping Range: 12 - 22 13 - 24Bead Breaker Force: 5500 lbsMax Wheel Diameter: 43Max Wheel Width: 15Shipping Weight: 680 lbs--------------------------------------------------------------DELUXE WHEEL WEIGHT KIT Aluminum stick on weights .25 oz zinc stick on weights. 12 per strip. 50 strips includedClip-on Weights for Aluminum Rims and Clip on Weights for Steel Rims ,
Web Id: NJC13382057
Published on NJ.com 1/20. Updated 1/20.
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Web Id: NJC13368102
Published on NJ.com 1/16. Updated 1/18.
Up for sell is a Ford 6640 SLE tractor with Ford brand front hydraulic loader & cab. The cab of the tractor has am/fm radio and heat and air conditioning. It has a diesel engine. It is 4 wheel drive. It also has power steering, 540 PTO, dual hydraulic remotes, toplink and a 3 pt hitch. It has a shuttle shift transmission. It has differential lock. The rear tire size is 16.9-30. It starts and and runs good! If you have any questions feel free to give me an email.
Web Id: NJC13349900
Published on NJ.com 1/12. Updated 1/12.
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Web Id: NJC13346246
Published on NJ.com 1/10. Updated 1/10.
Nexiq USB Link connector. Includes software and 9 connectors. Part no. 125032Compatible Software: Detroit Diesel Diagnostic link, CAT electronic technician, Cummins insite, International, Hino eXplorer, Allison DOC for PC, Eaton service ranger, WABCO toolbox, Freightliner service link, VCAD Elite Mack/Volvo, Volvo PTT, Bendix Acom, Support more software update. THREE available.201-820-3568
Web Id: NJC12899138
Published on NJ.com 10/1. Updated 12/29.
cucumber dicing machine Food Processing equipment Razorfish Solutions is the leading manufacturer for the catering, convenience, delicatessen and food industry. Our strength is the fruit-, vegetable- and salad processing machines.We develop and produce single and special machines as well as complete processing lines for preparing, cutting, washing, drying and peeling of food. Our quality and our consulting competence are appreciated world-wide.youtu.be/HqFOYtBTTq http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1keJXmruwHo wwww.razorfishsolutions.com.hk email@example.com email@example.com
Web Id: NJC11841035
Published on NJ.com 3/19. Updated 12/13.
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Love a great gumbo? Whether it's chicken and andouille or chock full of seafood, gumbo is one of the staples of New Orleans and Creole food, and it's done up a million different ways by restaurants and families across the city. For this reason, gumbo is seen as a testament to New Orleans culture in general, as the city is a melting pot of people, cultures and traditions. To celebrate gumbo and the Treme neighborhood, the Louisiana Jazz & Heritage Festival and Foundation presents the seventh annual Treme Creole Gumbo Festival (Nov. 8-9, 11 a.m. to 7:15 p.m.).
The festival is situated in the quaint setting of Armstrong Park, specifically in Congo Square, a historic New Orleans landmark where antebellum slaves socialized and held rituals complete with traditional African dances and music. It's here that the foundation of jazz was cultivated as well as other roots music, such as the beloved brass band.
Treme Creole Gumbo Festival combines these aspects of local culture with a slew of gumbo dishes served up throughout the grounds, in addition to other traditional New Orleans foods. One of the latest additions to the festival is the Vegan Gumbo Competition, which spiced up the lineup for vegetarians and vegans, who usually cannot eat the meat and seafood filled gumbo selections.


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Honda Fit vs Honda Civic
bodble2 Posts: 4,519Since you brought up the Corolla, I thought I would mentioned that we rented one while on a recent trip and, for something with only 126hp and an antiquated 4-speed auto, it performed amazing well around town as well as on the highway. The plain-jane exterior and interior are not going to impress your neighbours, but it sure didn't drive like an economy car. It would be interesting to see how the re-designed '09 Corolla would fare.
clewis3 Posts: 7I was on this forum a month or so ago gathering information to help me in deciding whether or not I would be happy with a Honda Fit. I wanted to summarize my research and purchase experience in case it is of value to anyone else and to thank all the contributors to this forum whose postings helped me directly or indirectly with my decision.
I fell in love with the Fit because of its wonderful interior versatility and its small car advantages of good mpg and reasonable purchase price. In the past I have generally bought used cars unless a tremendous new car deal was available. I needed to switch from my current 2000 5 speed Saturn (30-40mpg) to an automatic of some sort because of a hip problem.
I thought the Fit was perfect for my needs but had two reservations: 1) I needed cruise control but could only get it in the Sport model which had trim and extras I really didn't want 2) I thought both Fit models appeared to have low bodies that might be problematic in the mud season driving here in Vermont deep muddy ruts on the dirt roads and some pretty good sized potholes on all roads
In researching on this forum I began to see another potential problem and that was inconsistent mpg that are being reported on the Fit. I knew that the most important factor for me in my new car (besides reasonable comfort and safety) was economy I want my vehicle to be as inexpensive as possible to maintain and drive.
I continued to explore these three questions and got the following impressions: 1) Probably a good aftermarket cruise control can be installed on the base model by Yipes Stripes, etc for about $500-600. Or there is a Toyota dealer in Canada who will do it at the Toyota shop (though they subcontract it out to other mechanics). The cruise control requires an extra stalk on the steering column.
2) I found occasional complaints in the forums about scraping bottom going over bumps but most people weren't overly concerned about it. One Vermont driver I spoke to in a parking lot here said she had actually gotten hung up on some rocks and mud in her Fit on a rutted dirt road.
3) Good mpg on the Fit just didn't seem as likely with the Fit as with a few other vehicles. I know that for me, personally, economy is more important than driving enjoyment and if I spent the relatively large sum (for me) to buy this car, it would be really frustrating if I had to work and research ways of getting my car into the 30-40mpg range.
4) On the good side, I found a dealer in Danbury, Connecticut who had a lot of Fits available and good prices. That was nice, because our Vermont dealers get only one or two a month and they are usually pre-sold.
Anyway, my final decision was to go for a used Civic. My budget was about $15,000. I found a 2005 Civic LX with 32,000 miles. Lease trade-in from the dealer and all the maintenance had been done there. I bought it for $12,700 ($13650 "out the door") with 2 warranties; Honda Certified Warranty for 12 months and powertrain warranty for 7 years/100,000 miles. Two weeks into it I am happy with my decision. The first tank of gas gave me about 31 mpg in my around town driving. I haven't yet done any highway to know how it goes but am hopeful it will be as good as the old Saturn at around 40mpg. -
bobw3 Posts: 2,997Keep us posted on your MPG.
If I didn't need the interior space/versatility of the Fit, I might have gone for the Civic (although I'd probably buy a Corolla over a Civic), but the versatility of the Fit far outweighs the potential better MPG of the Civic. We're a family of 4 (3 yr old and 5 month old) and it's much easier getting the kids in/out of the Fit because it's higher up. The cargo space behind the 2nd row holds a lot, plus there is space under the 2nd row for the diaper bags, toys, paper towels, and all of the other kid stuff. All of this far outweighs the potential MPG improvement of the Civic. Emphasis on the word "potential" since most people seem to be getting mpg in the 30s for both the Fit and the Civic. That's what I'm averaging.
But if the car is just to be used by one or two people and you don't need any more interior cargo space that what's offered by the Civic's small trunk, then I'd go for the Civic or Corolla. -
greytail Posts: 17Yes bought them the same day both with less than 4 miles on them. Drove them on the same road home, at the same speed. Since we have gotten them home drive them on same roads and conditions. My wife is a lead foot and I try to cheat for my little fit. But she is getting about 8 MPG better than me on her Civic.
clarksteryn Posts: 18I currently own a 2008 Fit M/T Sport and I am getting gas mileage on the upper end for the Fit (no problems there). But I have read and heard so much about global warming and climate change that it really makes me want to do more, and get better mileage with my current car than I am getting right now. I have highly considered trading the Fit in for a Civic Hybrid; I wouldn't buy the Prius, I am too loyal to Honda to go over to the darkside. My question, is it worth it? Should I take the financial hit if wanting to do more is that important? Will I really make that much difference by driving the HCH?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Richard :confuse: -
mcmanus Posts: 121I appreciate your environmental concerns and congratulate you on your earth smart purchase of a Fit. Honestly if you want to minimize your carbon (and all other footprints) the best steps you can take is to not have kids, don't base your lifestyle (travel/consumption/home) on travel by fossil fuel, and educate others.
The earth cannot sustain the open pit mining, manufacturing processing, or recycling impacts of enough batteries to power anything close to a significant number of cars in the world. IME it doesn't make sense to haul heavy, bulky batteries in a vehicle anyway.
Long before I'd invest in a hybrid (especially from what you're driving now), I'd look into conserving energy at home and then look into solar, wind, or geothermal powering of your home. -
swame_sp Posts: 3Hi Everybody here...
This is my first post here.... Pls be gentle....
I'm new to USA and new to the automotive world (esp cars)...
I will be here for about 3-5 years... so i want to buy a used car... but i could find any good cars... so ppl suggested me to look for new car in honda....
I'm thinking towards honda civic LX model. I need the car for good mileage... not for luxury with leather seats and all....
Can somebody let me know if i can go for Honda FIT as it is bit cheaper than civic.
Also let me know any equivalent good mileage cars in Nissan or toyota.....
sorry if this question has been repeated.....
Expecting a reply soon...
Thanks guys.... -
goldenmonkey76 Posts: 5Honda is running 3.9% financing for 60 months on the Civic right now. You can get a Civic LX for about the same monthly payment as a Fit with the 3.9% financing they're running on the Civic right now.
I was also looking at both and I decided on a Fit Sport automatic because of the extra space. You can't go wrong with either one. Honda makes a great car. -
swame_sp Posts: 3Yep....
But i had a look at the cars, i do like the civic only for its MPG.
I'm not that much fond of cars. Just wanted a kind of decent vehicle with good resale value and it will be used as a commuting vehicle.....
I really dont mind about the space of the car so that is why i thought of looking at civic coupe. I would be the only user of the car.
Since the cars are running as hot cakes i could get a best quote from the dealers.... so i'm now catching up for any used car from honda, toyota or nissan cars with mileage around 50-60K.....
Not sure of what might happen next.... should be a :lemon: or will i get a :shades: car.....???????
This discussion has been closed.


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A couple months back I read a comment from one of you that stuck with me. It was from a woman (I'll call her Norma) whose mother has mild Alzheimer's. Here's some of what she said:
"My brother insists that we not fix our mother's meals and we let her do it (she is struggling) ... he says she only has very mild short term memory loss (and therefore believes she will figure it out) ... I feel my family is in denial about mom's condition & looking for yet another reason to stay uninvolved."
The theme of family members in denial comes up frequently on this blog. In previous posts, I've addressed why denial is so common, the role it serves and the detrimental consequences of getting stuck in denial. Yet, putting the notion of denial aside for a moment, most of us caring for someone in the early stages of a dementia go through this sort of dance where we waver between promoting independence and offering help.
We see things changing and notice the person losing the ability to do what they once could. Often we're reluctant to step in and take over as it may feel like we're giving up on the person or crushing their dignity. Yet, it can be heart wrenching to watch them struggle. We want desperately for things to stay static and for the person (and us) to maintain independence.
And it gets even more blurred, this dance of knowing when to push independence and when to step in and help (or take over) because it's not always simply a problem of memory or forgetfulness. Sometimes it's a decline in processing.
For example, it might seem logical that Norma's brother think that his mom should be able to remember how to fix her own meals. After all, she's been doing it for 50 years. And longer term memories that have been over learned are generally better preserved.
Here's the deal though — most persons diagnosed with Alzheimer's lose some ability early on to sequence or plan out an activity, to organize, initiate and monitor actions. This is called executive functioning.
Think about the steps involved in fixing a meal: deciding what to make, identifying ingredients, putting the items or recipe together in a particular order, concentrating and often multitasking. Preparing a meal or following a recipe that includes several steps is difficult and sometimes unachievable even in early dementia due to changes in the brain that are responsible for processing.
I think we'd all agree that people with Alzheimer's aren't choosing to give up skills of daily living such as fixing meals, managing finances, or driving. They wouldn't choose to forgo their independence, and they aren't lazy or unmotivated. The truth is, people with Alzheimer's can't "just try harder" and it's not realistic to expect them to do all they used to do.
I realize though that some family members will still not get it. Quite possibly they're in denial. From time to time, we're all in denial about various aspects of our life. It's how we cope — denial masks emotions of grief, loss, fear and uncertainty. I ask you to do your best to be kind, gentle, and calm in approaching a family member in denial. Anger will only cause them to dig their heels in deeper. And when we resist, blame, or reject, we stay trapped in our own anger.
I don't mean that you can't actively work to make things better with family members — I simply suggest that you make peace with the way things (and others) are today. Choosing to operate from a place of acceptance is a form of self-care.
"If he could, he would." - a wife and caregiver
Angela Lunde
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My sister-in-laws stayed in denial the majority of their mother's dementia journey. We tried many methods of helping to educate them, encourage they participate in education offerings, etc. so they could understand what might occur, how best to interact at various stages and most important we stressed the importance to interact with respect so to help protect their mom's dignity. It was heart-wrenching to watch and listen to them speak to her in baby talk, demeaning comments like when she would take a bit call her a big girl - unconscionable. While you can throw all sorts of psych at this, let's allow the rubber to hit the road - such behavior is pitiful. Their denial for nearly 1/2 of her journey then to treat her as though she were a small child caused her to refuse to eat for them, to often sleep in their presence, created animosity for the son who did oversee her care - so yes, denial and coping need to be frequent topics of discussion. It is a selfish and unhealthy response to a human being in need. Sure would be nice if such experiences were about the kids in denial but in fact the person diagnosed is often feeling fear, sadness and denial themselves! What person does anyone know who wouldn't find themselves upset if they begin losing their independence? These topics can't be sugar-coated. They are real, they happen far too often. So yes, one can throw all sorts of psych explanations at this but extended denial is unacceptable, selfish, cruel and unconscionable to a loved one, particularly a parent who gets to a point in life where they need help to ensure their wellbeing and safety.
As an RN that works in a closed Alzheimer's unit in a long term care facility you would think it would be easy for me to deal with my mother's descent into dementia and oblivion. I may be able to work with patients in my facility all day long and have wonderful results, but I walk into my mom's apartment and she is convinced I lie to her, lie about her, misquote her, misquote her doctors to her, etc... I can't do it. I have siblings that are in denial and want me to handle everything because I am a nurse and I know about these things. I get enough abuse verbal or otherwise from the occasional cognitively impaired patient at work I don't need it constantly from my mom. I have a life and three kids and a challenging job and a woman who hates me for telling her she isn't able to do or remember things anymore.
Venting: I have one brother, mom is 76 & dad is 84. Five years ago I noticed the unusual behaviors in mom, plus she had "lost" the sense of smell about 10 years earlier. I took mom to doctors because no one else would believe me. It was a battle each time to convince her to go. My dad & brother did not support me. Mom eventually became convinced that I was trying to make her & others think she was crazy. She refused medical appts. I wrote her siblings & told them she had been diagnosed with mild Alzheimers & they should all spend time with her (they live in different states). I received horrible accusations of being a disrespectful daughter & telling people embarrassing things. Mom told everyone that I was on a mission to label her "crazy". Now, she's had a stroke & she thinks she can manage. She's much worse. She's gotten locked of the house in the cold, she's wandered off into the street, she tries to pack her bags & leave in the middle of the night. And lots of dangerous home behavior. I tell Dad he needs help. He tells me he can do it himself and thinks the neighbors can help if they need it. I am so angry & devastated that I can't seem to get through to them to PREVENT what will happen & that I have no family support. Now, my two daughters are understanding, but their hands are tied too. I feel guilty for being filled with resentment & anger. Dad can afford a simple alarm system to make sure she st
Hello, My mother is the primary caregiver for our father who has progressed into the mid to late stages of Alzheimers. All of our family knows how extremely difficult, tiring and stressful it is for her her to do so. My parents have full coverage healthcare thru Genworth (in and out of the home) which my Mother refuses to utilize. My parents live quite a distance from us however, we help and relieve her as often as twice a month or more. My father is in daycare for three days a week, finally. However, my sisters and I have noticed a dramatic change in my mother. She is extremely angry and tense. She will not discuss any of her feelings with us and has shut my sisters and I out of her life and my father's. We know she is in pain and denial. We want to provide support but cannot if she will not allow us. Any suggestions? We are very worried about her mental state and how it affects not only hers, our father's care and quality of life. HELP!
I brought my sister to live with me 18mos ago and rec'd the expected diagnosis. She is 67, I am 62, I have a sister 68 and a brother 57. Now that my sister is at moderate stage and I announced that I can no longer do this and need to put her in a facility I am getting so much intervention from my sister and brother. I am heart broken. I have never had a day off from this. When they have visited (out of state)they think it is vacation and really don't spend the time talking to her. Anyway, my point is I am shocked that they have not helped me at all and even more shocked that the time will come when it will be too late to cry with her and love her. I believe this has ruined my relationship with them forever. I feel invisible except for when they ask ridiculous questions. And they show no kindness or patience it just really amazes me. thanks this helped
My grandma is an amazing person, she is so smart and she used to be so independent, for the longest time shes been the only person that has taken care of me and my sister, she did admirable things. At 65 when me and my sis were 15 she was diagnosed we did an experimental treatment in san diego which didnt work, now we are doing a temporary fix really in Israel but we need her as long as we can keep her at least knowing who we are. Now i feel very lonley without her and as she was my hole support system, i find myself panicking all the time about what am I going to do how will I live without having her by my side on my wedding, kids etc im only 20 !! I left uni to be able to take her to israel for treatment and now im having trouble finding my way back to studying im not even sure ill be able to afford it. Some times i get so angry at her and frustrated when she is repeating and repeating, but i think mostly is because inside me im so angry at her for leaving me so unprotected and lonely i know its not her fault. Anyway mostly it makes me so mad how unfair how such an amazing and caring and kind person can be gone so slowly and in a horrible way, her dignity it was very important for her and i can see everyday how much it kills her to lose it and to leave my sis and me so unprotected and alone. She always use to say "I just want to se u and your sis have a fam and then ill be happy to go" so unfair.
Its been 4 yrs since the diagnoses ( early onset Alzheimer's) at 54, my husband my rock my best friend .this just ciouldnt be! I remember the panic I felt then still creeps in now and again. I don't lose it as often ,I don't have time too . We farm 100 ac our lively hood . Now I farm , or I'm learning as well as running our officice and managing our farm i take care of the kids and my man. I honestly don't have time to panic .i feel. So lost , and alone. This is the hardest my life has ever been and I know it's going to get worse. He is now in advanced stage . I wish for no more tomorrows yesterdays please and days from past. I will treasure , maybe even more today's :) I'm just so not ready for tomorrow...... 54
My heart aches for all of you who are dealing with your loved ones issues of dementia/Alzheimers. My parents are in their 90's. Dad is in a nursing home. He's safe and well cared for. My Mom is the issue. She is still functioning, but very, very forgetful. She needs to see her MD, but adamantly refuses. I have suggested that I make the appointment and we go together. She says she is "fine" and does not need to see a Dr. Her hygiene has declned in the past couple years, yet she still manages to cook, clean and pay all bills except medical. These, she does not understand and I help her with them. She still drives locally. She has "Sundowners". Calls me 3 to 4 times a week, telling me that my Dad has "left" her and she wants to divorce him. When I call her the next day, she is lucid and does not remember the call. She gets very angry when I suggest she is forgetting many things. There are 4 of us siblings. Only 2 of us are involved in her care and both of us live 45 miles away. The two who live closest are the least involved. I think she would be much happier and safer in the facility where my Dad is. She will not give up her dog or her car. She will not come to live with me. I worry for her safety and her quality of life. Thank you for letting me "vent". I wish the very best for all of you. Mom's concerned Daughter
As I sit here reading all the comments my heart tears apart a little at a time. My husband has had AD for 6 years now. Was 56 when we started this journey. Day to day life is not what we planned for our retirment days, but God has blessed us with time together. I have quit my job as a teacher working with special needs children. It was getting to hard to work and come home to who knows what. Our family went through denial for about a year, but then saw how much he could no longer remember. He has to have me with him 24/7 and it gets very trying. I love him and couldn't think of ever leaving him, but I also understand there may come a time when I am no longer able to give him the care that he needs. We have taken him off all meds, because they were not helping at all and I felt we were wasting money on them. His Nerogolist agreed. He has gotten combative a few times, but this could be a reaction to my actions. I just pray for all the caregivers who didn't plan for this to happen to them. Hang in there, and know that you really are doing a great job.
I'm greatful to all of you caretakers for sharing your experiences, understanding and wisdom. It's been a comfort reading these entries.
In my case the family is blended and I am the daughter of the AD patient's wife. My Stepfather (diagnosed with AD) has children who "do not see the symptoms" while my sister and I see them very clearly and are doing our best to both help him and our Mother. What do we do? My StepDad is calling his kids on a regular basis complaining about my Mother and me. "We are taking everything away from him". They are believing what they are hearing and don't see what we are seeing.
It gets tricky trying to deal with family of my spouse, and their attitudes. I get angry with their total lack of understanding and compassion, I get angry with their comments, their lack of help sometimes, when I think they should be helping out, and I need to let the anger go in this blog, its the safest place to do it, since no one in his family really understands what I go through on a daily basis. I know people here understand what I am talking about.
"I've been doing this for 50 years"--this usually comes from my husband who has vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. He isn't able to plan out and sequence activities but gets pretty annoyed about this inability. There are times I react quite well and carefully manage to do the activity 'together'--but there are times when I have trouble coping with his frustration. I wish I was more perfect!
I agree we need to be supportive of our loved ones in their dignity. It is hard as that loved one becomes confrontational and just mean. My father was diagnosed about four years ago, mom takes care of him and does the best she can with her internal resources, dad was a drinker when we were younger that made him mean. We took him alcohol out of the house as other health issues for both mom and dad needed. It's been almost a year since he's drank, now he's getting mean, he wants independence but can't remember to change his clothes from day to day or shower without cues. So when we don't just give him what he wants, he gets very mean. He wants to build a house in my neighborhood, thety can't afford to and mom doesn't want a house that she can't take care of herself, he called me all kind of names and told he disowned me then kicked me and my two teenage kids out of his house. How do you separate your childhood with this man and disease? I want to understand that he dissent really know what he is saying, but my flashbacks with him are hard to separate. Mom knows he's getting more difficult, but god bless her, he's her husband. The doctors are afraid to tell him he can't drive, mom and I are the only ones who have and he hates us for it. But I can't imagine him getting into an accident. How do you deal with the confrontational stage?
Deb, You and I need to hook up on emails and anyone else with spouses in their 50's that have this horrible disease. I too feel alone in this journey.
I was so happy, not the right word but, to hear comments form other young onset wives. My husband of 35 years was diagnosed 52, started the journey at 50. I feel so alone, even at the suport groups with children caring for parent sin their 80's and spouses who are the same, they have no idea how unreal this is for us. We are now 58, he is moderate to late, I am workign for insurance and to pay for care etc. How can you, mayo, help us form a support system for young onset spouses? I have tried with the alz assoc and they have not helped. Can you help us find each other? I need to not feel so alone. Hugs to all. Deb
Sandi, Thanks for your advice. I also signed up for the caregiver newsletter. Do you still have children at home and are you working? How has your husbands disease progressed? Only answer if you want to. Take Care!
Julie: My husband is now 56 and we have actively been living with AD for 2 1/2 years now. He needed to quit driving right away because things had progressed to moderate level before I was able to get him willing to see speciialist. "things were fine, just a little memory problem, etc, etc"...we all know the conversations. I started this long process just after my 50th birthday. Not how life had been planned. Take the keys! Give him some keys that don't work to carry around if necessary. Keep reminding that the doctor said no more driving. Stress that this is because 'he wouldn't want harm to come to anyone else's daddy if there was an accident caused by him'...that worked well for me. Life is difficult with this disease, and truly I have come to see it is hard for each person involved. For those who like information another great resource is caregiver.com; it covers several chronic illnesses and is a good reminder that ALL caregivers are feeling the stress; has some wonderful hints in it also. God's blessings to each of you and HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I am still thankful that I have him here with me today, even though the day isn't that same as in the past.
My son, 49, wife/2 babies, has the early on set of A D. At times I get so depressed. It is so hard to know what to do to help and I have shed so many tears. Thank you for your A D site and all the information, it is a big help.
Yes, some of the family who don't live here (in the house with us or nearby) don't fully understand the stage my husband is at. It's been that way since he was diagnosed. Sometimes they make suggestions, meaning well, but just don't understand what my husband is and isn't able to do, or will or won't do. I am not as clear (isn't that usually the case?) about my own level of denial. I think I don't focus too much on what's to come, except in a pragmatic way. Sometimes I am not sure I will get through where we are now if I think too much about what's to come. Sue
We have been married going on 14 years now. I have nursed my husband through spleen cancer, stroke, kidney cancer, two hernias, prostrate cancer and now this fast acting dementia. His family does not come around to see he is in need to go to a nursing home. They don't even think of me as a person,just someone living with their father. They are in such denial, that they can't see, nor do they care that this is running me down. I am 63 my husband with dementia is 69. I do EVERYTHING for him but feed him, diaper 8 times a day. He can still barly walk. This may sound horriable to some, but I pray that things will get to a point to where I have to call an ambulance and I can let the doctor make the decision where he should go from there. I love my husband so much, it is so hard to see him decline, day by day. I sometimes believe that his family actually knows what is going on, they just deal with it by denying things, blaming me, calling me a bad wife for thinking to put him in a care center. I am not sure if I can make the decision again to put him in a home, I did it once, and like I said earlier, the family turned me in to the Adult protection Acency where the gal just shook her head, I brought him home, it was easier than to deal with all theflack from family. I only wish that I had some family support at the time I really need it, but can see that my health is of no concern to any of them even his sister. I am totally shocked on how his sister turned on me so fast.
I have come to terms with my mother's advancing dementia and physical decline. Unfortunately, she is aging and the process is not usually a pretty one. What is most heart wrenching for me is how the situation has destroyed the relationship between me and my siblings. Denial and anger have taken over when concern and love for our mother should be the primary issue. It will take a major health incident, I fear, to get her other children to recognize the fact that Mom shouldn't be living on her own any more. To make me the Bad Guy is simply unfair after all of the time I and I alone have spent taking care of Mom one-on-one...
Dear Julie: My husband doesn't remember anything the neurologist says so he asks me and I keep telling him. They just changed his meds today for the Grand Mall Seizure as the medicine he was on was making him nauseated. I did leave him today for about 2 hours because I had to go to the doctor. But, this was the first time. He's not on meds for dementia yet but he does seem a little better. Being a caregiver is like a full time job but now I feel a little more comfortable leaving for a couple of hours. I cry a lot. That seems to help me. My husband does understand it's a lot of work for me to remember everything. I do pray a lot. I don't think he's at the point where I need someone to stay with him when I'm gone yet. He has a daughter about 5 miles away but she has 2 kids and works. So, I'm it for now. This website and you are helping me. Thanks for writing back.
I am reading this as I struggle to work and my heart goes out to all of you. I recently discovered this site and no longer feel so alone. My Mother has Parkinson's related dementia and has memory loss, trouble processing/understanding/talking etcetera. My Mom was always a very intelligent, organized, independent person and to see her going downhill is unbelievably difficult. I have a stressful corporate job and retirement is no where in sight. I take my Mom to my house from Friday night and drop her off at my brother's on Monday mornings (at least 1-1/2 - 2 hours on the road those days). During the week either my brother is able to work from home or have someone in to be with her during the day. Although I hold it together most of the time and always at work, I am so tired I am losing my patience in general, not to mention what it is doing to my relationship with my husband. I just pray to get through each day. I pray for each of you and your family members now as well. At least there is someone out there who understands how difficult this is. Back to work now. Thank you for the opportunity to vent a bit. :)
Dear Liz, I read your letter regarding your two sisters and how they claimed there was nothing wrong with your mother, but "used" her to claim her assets. And now are not there to help your (their) mother. My siblings I believe were in denial until mother spent last christmas in their presence. However, nothing was done to gather around to make life changing decisions for mother. She was a feisty and demanding woman most of her life. She wanted to be on her own and do things for herself. All the signs were there for a couple of months how she was declining, the burnt pots in the sink, the leftovers in the frig, asking me to help her pay her bills. I thought that when one of my siblings saw how she had declined there would be a family meeting with mother so she could see how we all gathered around to help her. I was the only one there for her. UNTIL, one day, she was gone! Someone of my siblings decided I was not good enough for her and did not take good enough care of her! They took her away from her family and familiar surroundings and within 3 weeks placed her in an Allzheimer's unit where within 2 weeks ashe was hospitalized and from there died within 2 months. This was a woman who had taken charge of her own health all her life. And, to be reduced to a unit for Alzheimer patients was demeaning! My opinion was not even respected for asked...I pray for those lost souls when family should gather round the caretaker and the patient.
Leslie, I work several jobs and I am kept busy. I feel bad that now he is not able to get out of the house due to the driving situation. I took him in on Wednesday to take the written test and he didn't pass which I expected. Only one of my children live in town but she is going to school, working and a single parent. My husband is staying at home alone but I don't know when that will end either. The neurologist didn't think he should be but I don't have any concerns as of yet. Do you tell him all of the information the doctor told me? It's rather depressing so we didn't discuss this at the appointment. On top of this my mother has dementia now and my sister moved in with her. We went to stay with her this weekend and it breaks my heart! I have strong faith so that keeps me going but I know it will just get worse. Thanks for your support.
I came across your article by accident and after reading the other comments I literally had to wipe away a tear. My mother, a vibrant, intelligent and wonderful women had Alzheimer's and I looked after her for 4 years - I can only tell you that it was soul destroying. My doctor explained it quite simply by saying that it was like walking down a flight of stairs, except you never know when the next step is coming. As I write this comment it all comes back as if it was yesterday. At the end of her life she could no longer speak but as I entered her room she looked up at me smiled and squeezed my hand and I believe that at that moment she knew who I was. Always remember that the frustration, anger,fear and exhaustion that accompanies caring for someone with Alzheimer's is not their fault and, as mentioned in the article,telling them to try harder and taking out your frustration on your loved one only makes them feel worse and I believe actually hastens the disease. Patience, understanding, love and compassion are the keys you need - it's hard! My heart goes out to all of you supporting and caring for a loved one suffering from this absolutely terrible disease.
Leslie and others: I can feel the pain in your words. Besides this wonderful website, there is another one devoted to just spouses of alzheimer victims. It is www.thealzheimerspouse.com. I think you will find it to be your second home as I have.
Julie... My husband just turned 61 & was diagnosed 4 years ago . The giving up driving was difficult for him & me . I hid the keys but when we would go out & I got into the drivers seat he would often get very angry & refuse to get in to the vehicle . This does pass however & he is now OK with me driving. It is such a tragedy for anyone to have Alzheimers but even more so when it is someone so young! Jane
Julie: I am almost in the same situation you are. My husband just turned 65 on 11-11-11 and he had a grand mall seizure and could be on his way to dementia. He took the long memory test and flunked about 6 months ago. My husband has also been told not to drive for six months and has a constant headache and the doctors don't know why. So, he sleeps alot and all of sudden today I just started crying because everything including him are different. I would like to correspond with you. Caregiving is hard. I haven't left the house by myself for one week which seems like an eternity. Lots of doctor appts. His kids don't even call. I live in Chicago and the doctor says he will get better. He keeps thinking he is going to have another seizure but he is on meds now. I'm not a very good caregiver especially when he asks me the the same question over and over again. I pray for patience and have put him in God's hands. Next week should be different because he also has Emphempha and goes to pulmonary rehab and I'm hoping that will cheer him up. He's very depressed and now I'm getting depressed. Do you have any help? My husband won't let me get help yet.
Thank you for another excellent essay, Angela. My husband is 82 and I still refuse to say "Alzheimers" even tho that is clearly what he has. I read a book entitled "What If It's Not Alzheimers" along with about a dozen other books relating to Alz. and I decided to call his memory loss "vascular dementia" - or just plain "dementia" or "memory loss" - I'm far from being in denial nowadays but I've learned there are so many "stages". I understand how our children have reacted these past few years because of their Dad's moments of lucidity. He is so good at "faking" but within a short time it is plain to everyone he is thoroughly confused. Thanks to everyone who posts comments - I understand the frustration. This is a disease in which caregivers need their faith to carry them thru one day at a time. May God bless you all. Recently my husband had an episode of catostrophic "sundowning" and broke some ribs - two of our children came immediately to help calm him - they are in denial no longer.
My mother is in the advance stage of alzheimer's. Two of my sister's were in denial for years. They worked against me everytime I tried to get her medical treatment. One of my sister's moved in with my mother. After that they proceeded to sell her stocks (which no one knows what happened to the money), transferred a house and property to one of their names,and made up a new Medical Power of Attorney. I filed for guardianship and went through a very expensive legal battle. After 2 years I was named guardian of my mother. They were ordered to turn over all Mom's assets. Her checkbook had less than $2.00 in it when they were done. Right now we are having to sell the rest of mom's properties to pay her assisted living bill and medical bills. They don't even visit her anymore. My point is watch siblings that claim there isn't anything wrong with mom or dad. I learned the hard way.
My husband is 55 yrs. old and was diagnosed three years ago. We just had a neurology appt. and the doctor told me he can't drive anymore. He isn't accepting this yet and thinks he can drive just fine. I would like to know if anyone with a spouse that was diagnosed in their 50's would like to email and be of support for each other.
This is about a friend of mine that I help with.Her husband does well and has such a good attitude,but there was anger at first.I am very tired when I spend time with her.However,it gives him some free time and she enjoys things we do together.I am enlightened with the mail I receive from you. The article I just read was very informational. Thank you
Angela, What do you do when the person with dementia is the one in denial? How do you get them to let you help them?
After the final stages, patches began to give her back some clarity. She improved. The family member abused her, badgered her into making her the sole executer of the will 2 years ago. Patient was killed a few weeks ago. The old will was found listing the other child as co=executor. Many letters found around the house of the abuser breaking the mother's heart. Any thoughts about the recent will being invalid because the alzheimer's was at it's worse 2 years ago. She had been in physician care since diagnosis a few years ago and had nurse visiting and home health care.
We don't talk about Alzheimer's. I guess I don't need for her to agree with what we all see and know. I just figure it would hurt my mother's feelings to openly discuss it. There is nothing to gain by talking about it. Fact is, we talk very little. She cannot understand my words unless I say the same thing several times. She can't hear me and she can't remember what we talked about. Our conversation is focused on the basic stuff. Pills, food, sleep and the like. I noticed recently that she never goes into the refrigerator anymore. She is never hungry. She no longer recognizes this need to eat. I do the shopping while she is at the senior center (a Godsend) so she don't have to try to think about a grocery list. When she goes out, it is for pleasure shopping. Absent family member have no clue of her condition or abilities/or lack of. I try to keep life very basic. She dresses herself in crazy get ups sometimes but I don't mind. She seems happy for the most part so I can only be grateful for that. One funny caveat: She tells stories of the annoying things that the people at the senior center do. She is annoyed by the very same behaviors that she exhibits. Hahaha The irony of it is humorous.
Thanks to all who post on this blog! You are truly doing "God's work". My husband is past the middle stages of Alz. Some things I have learned: to agree with him even when I know what he is saying is not correct; it saves my sanity. He will forget what he said in 10 minutes. We are now showering together, as he absolutely refuses to do it on his own. I'm lucky to get him in the shower once a week. The rest of the time I'm sponge bathing him. I shave him because he can't figure out why he has this stubby stuff on his face - sometimes twice a day. He has actually rubbed his face so much that he had sores. As for driving and car keys - have his doctor tell him he can't drive. My husband accepted that from our doctor. He has not driven for 10 years due to his reactionary time and inability to remember where he was going. He still asks me if I have the car keys; he carries his driver's license in his wallet with $2 so "I have some money". There is so much more, but he is a kind and gentle man who is not the person I married 40 years ago. To quote a friend, "it is what it is" and I say, "one day at a time" and sometimes it is hour by hour. We have family members who are in denial too because they don't spend enough time with him. We have our youngest son living with us now; I could not do all this without him. Bless you all for sharing. Praying for each new day and thankful that I can take care of my husband.
My problem is that my denial problem lies with my husband who has AD denies that he has it. He will not go back to the doctor who make the diagnosis, won't take medicine, wont go back for further cognitive studies, and won't participate in clinical trials. I spent so much time trying to get my husband to understand, that now I have given up on it, and just try to do the best I can and make the necessary changes to the house and our accounts without him even knowing about it. If he had cancer, he wouldn't deny he had it, or refuse treatment, why not Alzheimer's? Is his denial a part of his disease?
The hardest part of this horrible disease is the denial of the person with it. I am slowly taking over the tasks which he has always done. Driving is going to be the hardest thing and it will have to happen sometime soon. He is and always has been a great driver. He knows that he can't go out by himself as he is lost the minute he gets to the end of the driveway. I am a GPS!!! Although he is such a good driver, I am beginning to see a lot of confusion when there is a lot of traffic and having to follow directions such as turn left at the stop light, get in the right lane, the car ahead is turning so slow down, etc. This is about the only thing he seems to have left that he feels he can do and am really worried when I have to take the keys away from him. He gets angry over little things and thinks he isn't included in a lot of things - he is but doesn't really respond and doesn't pay attention. Any ideas on how to cut off the driving? He is 81 and is just content to watch tv. The minute I say I am going someplace, he is up with his car keys in hand. Am so worried what will happen when I take away the one thing he really loves - driving. Yes - it is a slow process and will only get worse.
This is a slow process of AD with my husband. Just a sample of his anger, is, we needed one side of our home painted. He did most of the painting, a little at a time. He stopped when he couldn't reach the eves. I had to argue with him telling him, he no longer can reach reach the highest point in our home and I will call a painter to finish what he could not do. The fear of him falling off the ladder made me so anxious, it upset me. He shouted"this is my house." I took it in my hands and called the painter, told the painter what I was up against, and come to inspect the painting and what had to be done. The painter asked him what paint he was using, and the painter suggested the one he felt was as good and maybe better if he thought that was o.k? Before long my husband felt he was in control and showed the painter other things that needed painted. This goes on all the time, and when a decision has to be made,this is what I have to do. Tell the person who will do the job, any job, and these professionals understand and try to include him.It drives me crazy, but it works out in the end, with help. Some family members are in denial, and some understand what I am up against.Some feel I need no help, some know I do.
Thanks for all the posts. The one about taking a shower might work...if my inlaws had had that type of relationsip..but they did not. I feel it would just be too uncomfortable for my father in law to do that with her. But it would be such a help if he would do that. He has and still at times seems to be in denial over this disease. She no longer cooks and hasn't now for years. At first he thought that she had just gave up on it...but it wasn't that at all..it was the disease. She seems to be in the mid to late stages..and we see changes almost weekly. Its a three ring circus. He is 82 and she is 79. She has no interest in anything. She spends most of her day just sitting and watching tv. He does take her out to eat and do errands. We have had some episodes with her getting up at night and only one time with her actually getting out of the house. We were there within minutes of that episode, so she was not in any danger. Have done things in and around the house to prevent harm to her. Know that this is only going to get worse and dread that. Alot of people do not understand what is going...easy to stand outside and look in. We no longer go to far away, so we can be there within moments should something happen. Got to look at the things she does as its not her...its the disease. Prayers and Gods Grace to all
A note for Carin - a really good site online for information on AD is www.alz.org. You can find some detailed information on the different stages of AD, plus all kinds of other helpful information. But everyone can be different in how they progress. We are all individuals. And this Mayo clinic site is so helpful when you read first-hand from people who actually are living with someone who has the disease. Reality, along with information from professionals, can help equip you for what is ahead. But until you experience each stage, it is pretty hard to imagine it. The disease is a challenge. But you can make it. There will be times when you think you will not make it, but.........you will.
Alzheimer's is a devastating disease with no current cure. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the family's that have to endure watching their loved ones go through something of this nature as I myself have gone though. There is progress being made about this disease and one day other family's won't have to endure the same pain like some of us have been through. For more information on Alzheimer's disease please visit www.mullanalzheimer.com or htt://mullanalzheimer.info god bless you all.
When my mother was exhibiting more and more symptom of Alzheimer's, it was difficult for my father to fathom that his wife of over 50 years did not know how to cook! He firmly believed she did not want to cook for him anymore. No matter how I argued with him, he continued to complain. I couldn't understand that he could not see my mother's decline. It was finally my mother's doctor who said "for as much as you do not understand how he doesn't get it, he doesn't get it". That said it all! For as much as I couldn't understand that he was not seeing my mother's decline, he just couldn't understand. Once I "trained" him to take them out for one hot, main meal a day they were both eating better and feeling better too. For him I don't think it was denial. He just couldn't fathom that my mother, who had been a fabulous cook, didn't know how to make pork chops or even oatmeal. He learned to give her a bowl of ceral in the morning with silverware since she could feed herself, but wasn't able to put all the pieces together.
OMG, I could write forever on the word denial. I care for my 84 yo Mom who has AD /w dementia. She is in the mid to late stages, and she is in denial. Most of my aunts and uncles form both her side and my father's side are all in denial. I am an only child and my girls 14 and 18 are caring for her. i guess why denial in other's becomes so clear/visible to us is that we (as caregivers) are living the "reality" of the disease on a daily basis. We have all had a Crash Course in AD and so we actually do know more than those who chose to say they don't see what we experience. Being 50, i still have older Aunts and Uncles who treat me like i know nothing and am still a kid in their eyes. For whatever their own reason for staying ignorant about my reality... well that is their loss in a very rewarding time in my mom's final year/months/days. As crazy as this journey gets.. my daughter's and i are going to be richer.. especially if we remember to take time to love and laugh along the way. i have even had people question me as if i ever consider "what this may be doing to my girls well being by caring for my mom?"... i answer, "Oh most definitely, it has made both of them more compassionate, stonger, and respectful human beings.. my oldest is even in the nursing program in college as to help others who will go through what we are!" They go silent... and we go living and loving! Hugs to you all!
I, too, don't know what stage of dementia my father is in. He definitely has changed for the worse within recent months, but his doctor doesn't talk about it in stages. Is there a guide or reference that anyone can suggest for me to look at?
I am confused as to what stage of dementia my husband is in. He doesn't even want his friends and kids to come over because he cannot carry on a conversation. He lays on the couch, makes crazy noises, says vulgar words all day, He messes his depends about 5 times a day and now is wetting the bed. I shower him, now 98% dress him. He still walks around, says "I love you" a hundred times a day expecting a "I love you too" back. So many things are going haywire. But yet when he goes to his reg med doctor they act like this is all normal for this, now go home and take care of him. His family actualy think they are caring a conversation with him and think he is doing just fine, when they are just doing all the talking and turn to me to get any answers. My husbands family think I am a horrible wife for wanting to put him a care center. Not sure how long I can do this, I am 63 and husband is 69. I can say, that I even am in a form of denial. My friends can't believe I still have him at home, and when I look at him, I think of the man that has taken so wonderful care of me through the years and feel guilty of even thinking about putting him in a care center again. I had him in one during the summer for one month because he was going outside every five minutes and exposing himself and his family turned me into the Adult prot. agency, didn't think he needed to be in there, Although the APA said he needed to be there, I brought him home, it was easier t
I agree with Jesse, it has become so much easier to just "surrender" and not struggle against what cannot be. My husband is in the moderate stage, can still bathe, dress, and do simple household chores. He cannot remember his childre's name and still does not grasp that my daughter has died. But since I love this man and remember how thrilled I was to go pick him up at the airport when he had been gone on business and how wonderful he was and still is, I hope and pray that I will always have the sense to just not fight it and try to take care of a wonderful man that has no idea that right now he is sitting across from me with one deck shoe on and one red slipper. Not the end of the world is it?
I still find myself reading the blog even though my caregiving duties ended 8 months ago after 15 years of caring for my husband at home. Regarding the BATH ISSUE----Stage 6 was one of the most challenging stages for me----the only way I could get my husband to bathe was to get into the shower w/ him and scrub him down! He had no idea who I was. Once, when I was facing him in the shower, he said to me "If you're ever looking for a companion, give me a call." One of my fondest memories...... "This, too, shall pass" is true. Those who are still caregiving will have many happy and funny times to recall. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!
I agree with Joe. My mother in law at times is a handful. We are at a place right now that bothers us so. She simply refuses to bath/shower. Have tried just about everything to make her do so. She will refuse or tell us that she has already done so. Which we kn ow she has not. She will let herself go so long without a shower that her hair is greasy and at times she has an odor, which she masks with perfume. REfuse to give up on her and will contimue to do what we can with this issue. She can still shower by herself, and dress herself ..although sometimes the outfit does not match . We do not dwell on that, just thankful that she is still able to do so. She hides things so we are constantly looking for these things, everything from her purse to car keys, mail..you name it. There are only a few in the family that actually helps us and at times we are so overwhelmed. Its just one day at a time.
I am my mother's caregiver - she is in the mid to advance stages of Alzheimer's. My new year's resolution for last year was to just surrender - just stop resisting what is happening and since I did that, it's made it more managable. It took a long time for me to get there. I often have to tell myself, what is it that I would do that is more important than taking care of mom in her time of need. However, I also believe it is very important to carve out time to do something that you enjoy even if all you can find is 15 minutes.
I suppose "if s/he can, let her." If s/he is having issues then work with that person. Depending on the level, leaving someone to "fend" for themselves when they are "masking" or "hiding" or confused is simply cruel. They cry.. they pain.. they anger... they lose hope... just love them through it one moment at a time.
And sometimes it's difficult for a spouse caregiver to make peace with oneself when dealing with that 'blurry line' ... watching one's AD spouse trying to maintain independence and dignity, yet wanting to make things easier when seeing one's spouse struggling. This happens each time my wife and I prepare for a trip. (We can still take car trips, thankfully!) My wife, who is in moderate stage AD, can no longer pack properly for herself. She still prints out a copy of her packing checklist (which I long ago revised to make it easier)... but she can no longer follow it. She'll check off items she hasn't packed, and packs items not on her checklist. She won't let me pack for her ... or help her pack. I now take her 'on the road' clothing with my stuff so at least we're okay until we get to our final destination ... and she's okay with that. And, of course, I pack and take all her meds with me. But as for everything else, she refuses to let me help. She'll angrily scream at me saying, "I'm not a baby ... I can still pack for myself." So, I let her pack, taking the proverbial 'forever' to do so ... too many decisions. But then I review the checklist with her and ask her to show me where she packed each item. She usually can't do that, but despite her screams I insist that she show me. When I see she hasn't packed something she needs and I tell her, her tone changes and she thanks me. Not the easiest way to pack ... but one way of coping to deal with that blur
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