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But I've always omitted that I personally understand.
I've bottled this up so long, that it may take a while to explain. Let's hop into a time machine and head back 10 years, when I was starting the 7th grade.
It started when chatting with an online friend who was a couple years older than me. She was playfully teasing me, asking if I liked any boys in my classes. Answering truthfully, I said no. Being a progressive person, she then asked me if I liked any girls. Again, answering truthfully, I said no. I was still at an age where everyone had cooties.
But the interesting thing about that conversation was that I didn't make any judgment call between opposite and same sex attraction. No one had ever explicitly told me "Girls are supposed to like boys." It must be different for kids being raised in conservative religious families, or really, kids raised in this time at all. Gay marriage is much more of a public issue now, and it's hard to ignore someone spitting venom on TV about how homosexuality is wrong. Being told one way was the right way wouldn't have stopped my biology, but it would have definitely drag me down with guilt.
Why? Because a year later I found myself with my first crush, and that crush was a girl.
Oh, it was awkward, and it was heartbreaking - but mostly because that's how all crushes are to a 13 year old girl. I was just lucky that I never thought it was sinful or wrong. I wasn't religious, and I was delightfully oblivious to the people who thought my feelings were disgusting.
But it still wasn't easy. There was something overwhelmingly horrible knowing the odds are against you - that, if you're rounding up, maybe 10% of people would also be interested in the same sex. I couldn't get my friend out of my mind, but I knew the odds of her feeling the same way were slim to none. It's terrible liking someone without them liking you back, but it seems just a tad more terrible when you know there's literally nothing you can do about it. No amount of persuasion will change their biology.
Eventually after much agonizing, I told her. And because she's a wonderful person, she didn't freak out or blab my secret. I knew she was pro gay rights, but I didn't know how she'd handle being the object of someone's infatuation. So, it could have been worse. But she still wasn't interested, so I forced myself to move on.
In high school I started dating guys. It wasn't an act, or a way to hide away the gay - I was legitimately attracted to guys too. Eventually I discovered the term for this was "bisexual," and I felt relieved. There was a label for me, and that was comforting at a time where you feel like you don't fit in. But also in high school I discovered another thing - that there was a lot of hatred targeted toward homosexuals. I was happy I was at least attracted to guys as well. I wasn't lying by omitting my attraction toward girls, I was just avoiding the constant harassment.
I made my mistake when I felt comfortable enough to tell my friends. My boyfriend at the time laughed at me, though he doesn't remember his reaction now. I do.
"You're not bisexual. This is just a phase. Girls just act bi because they want attention."I was hurt. I had mustered up the strength to tell him, and all he tried to do was convince me I was straight. I turned to my gay friends for support.
"Uh huh, you say you're bisexual now. Give it time and you'll realize you're gay. You're just too afraid to admit it."At the time I didn't know it, but apparently this was common enough to have its own name - bi erasure. Thinking that bisexuality doesn't really exist. And you know what I did?
I erased myself.
I started calling myself straight. It was just easier, and I was sick of putting up with the constant debates about my personal preferences. And I was predominantly attracted to men, so it made it easier. I wasn't shutting down such a huge part of myself like other closeted people do.
Now I'm nearly 23, and I still call myself straight. To be honest, I found the best definition when reading The God Delusion:
Very low probability, but short of zero. De facto atheist. 'I cannot know for certain, but I think God is very improbable, and I live my life on the assumption that he is not there.'Except for me, I read it as:
Very low probability of homosexuality, but short of zero. De facto straight. "I cannot know for certain, but I think me having a relationship with a woman is very improbable, and I live my life on the assumption that I won't."I could have called myself a number of things. Bicurious. Heteroflexible. A Kinsey 1. Two beer queer. Eventually I gave up, because all the labels were just silly. I was me. I decided if you want to know who I'm attracted to, you can get to know me instead of judging me from a couple words. I stuck with "straight" because it was good enough and because I didn't want to constantly defend myself. No one has to defend heterosexuality.
So why did I make this post? Because even though it's comfortable, it's a lie. And as a skeptic and a scientist who's always in search of the truth, it just seemed wrong to keep on lying. Maybe 95% of the time I'm attracted to men, but the other 5% still matters.
But even more importantly, I think it's necessary to say it to show that everyone doesn't fit in neat little boxes. Not everyone is 100% gay or 100% straight. Bisexuals don't always like each sex in equal amounts. Bisexuality doesn't mean you're not monogamous, or that you can't make up your mind. Someone's sexuality doesn't necessarily stay exactly the same throughout their lifetime. And if you want to experiment or you have that one person you'd go gay for (or straight for), that doesn't mean you have to have an identity crisis.
You don't need a new label. You're you.
So here I am, saying it. Sometimes I like the ladies. I've crushed harder on some of my female friends than on some of the guys I've actually dated. Those drunken makeouts weren't really due to drunkenness that much - I just thought you were hot. I'm disappointed that I somehow made it through undergrad without doing more than those drunken makeouts. I blame my unfortunate tendency to fall for straight women.
I wanted to post this last year, but I chickened out. I almost psyched myself out of it again. The fact that I was so afraid to admit a smidgen of gayness to a welcoming, pro-gay, liberal community really speaks wonders of how hard this is. Bigots want to shame us all into the closet, and we can't make progress for civil rights until we're able to be honest about who we really are. So, my secret is out.
Of course, after flipping through photos from TAM, maybe it wasn't a huge secret after all...
Eek, a penis!


text:
Following her hilarious turn on Raising Hope earlier this season, Tippi Hedren — the ageless star of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds — will swoop in to TBS's Cougar Town. Hedren has signed on to play an iconic Hollywood legend, not unlike herself, who rubs elbows with Jules (Courteney Cox) and her father.
After she shoots Cougar Town, Hedren will continue her crusade to help real cougars and other wildlife by flying to Washington, D.C., to testify on behalf of the Exotic Wild Animal Safety Act.
Cougar Town's new season premieres Tuesday, Jan. 8 at 10/9c on TBS.
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
Pretty much the first question I'm always asked by fascinated kids when they're looking at the kit dangling from my equipment belt is "Do your carry a gun?".
Nothing I carry looks remotely like any kind of firearm but even so, most children seem to think that in one of my many pouches I'm 'packing some heat' and am ready to 'cook a fool' if necessity dictates.
Now whilst it's true that I don't carry, or have access to, any sort of firearm*, there are officers who do. These toughened lot are what we call 'Authorised Firearms Officers' and provide the West Midlands with a twenty four hour response capability to deal with any incidents which might involve guns.
Becoming a firearms officer is one of the toughest things to do out of all the different roles across the force and as competition is so tight, only the very best even consider applying. The selection process involves a series of tests designed to screen those who have the potential necessary to take on what is a very demanding job and the training that is provided after acceptance is designed to prepare the officer for any situation they may face.
Aside being taught how to use the weapons themselves, officers are given enhanced training in areas such as driving and incident management to ensure the safety of both the public and other officers.
Us regular officers work alongside the firearms officers providing them information about a firearms incident and working to ensure that the danger posed to the public is minimised. Few of us are interested in finding out just how good our ballistic vests are and as I pointed out to a child the other day, our trousers aren't bullet proof, so we prefer to give anyone thought to be in possession of a gun a wide berth.
Aside dealing with incidents in which people have decided resorting to the use of a gun is the only way of sorting out their differences, firearms officers also have a role in providing education about guns and in taking care of weapons and ammunition when they are recovered during searches. Rather than pick up a found pistol and risk blowing a hole in our feet, we'll rather call out a firearms car who will make it safe and take it away for disposal.
To understate, firearms are blooming dangerous things and it is in both our interest and that of the public that we can take as many of them off the streets as we are able. Firearms officers are essential to helping us achieve this aim and in dealing with the few who think carrying a gun is a good idea and that using it will get them any further than the inside of a prison cell or worse, a coffin.
* Other than my CS which technically qualifies as a S. 5 firearm.


text:
Videos & Screenshots
Game Details
- Release Date 6/28/2011
- Publisher Koei
- Platform PS3
- Genre Action Adventure
- Number of Players 2
- Online Players 4
- Online Enabled Yes
Game Description
The relentless Gundam battle never stops. And the relentless franchise keeps the battle coming with a massive new wave-after-wave mech battle featuring over 50 playable characters and 70 Mobile Suits from decades of Gundam lore. Try out new battle strategies using three new tactical systems. Counter enemy attacks with the Emergency Dash System, restore your armor during battle with the Recovery System, and summon more firepower in crucial moments with the Partner Strike System. New mech options include Mobile Suits from Mobile Suit Gundam UC and Mobile Suit 00. Gain a massive advantage when you conquer new battlefield strongholds equipped with Chain Explosion Systems, and much more.
Critic Reviews
GamesRadar Review (6.0 out of 10)
Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3 review The unexpected upside of repetition More than just about any other action franchise out there, Dynasty Warriors games are predictable – and we've all justifiably grunted and groaned about how similar and repetitive they are over t...more
User Reviews
Average Member Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Surprised me.. (9 out of 10)
posted by Aragorn225 (FREDERICK, MD) on Jul 8, 2011
Member since Nov 2006
33 out of 38 gamers (87%) found this review helpful
Member since Nov 2006
33 out of 38 gamers (87%) found this review helpful
I agree with Gamblor, the game is very slow at first, and you definitly wont get to the true, raw action that you experience later on. Take a moment, and read this review. Gameplay/Storyline: As mentioned before, it starts off very slow, but slowly progresses to a state in which the game is just ...more
Specs & Requirements
Memory 2135 kb
Online Features Online Multiplayer, Voice, Content Download, Leaderboards, Trophies
Controllers Headset
Modes Multiplayer, Story
Audio/Video HDTV 480p, HDTV 720p, In-Game Dolby Digital
Similar Games
- Code of PrincessRelease 10/9/2012
- Dungeon Siege IIIRelease 6/20/2011
- Borderlands 2Release 9/17/2012


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VMware Images:
The Perfect Server - Ubuntu 12.04 LTS (nginx, BIND, Dovecot, ISPConfig 3) - Page 4
Submitted by falko (Contact Author) (Forums) on Sun, 2012-05-06 19:37. ::
12 Install Postfix, Dovecot, MySQL, phpMyAdmin, rkhunter, binutils
We can install Postfix, Dovecot, MySQL, rkhunter, and binutils with a single command:
apt-get install postfix postfix-mysql postfix-doc mysql-client mysql-server openssl getmail4 rkhunter binutils dovecot-imapd dovecot-pop3d dovecot-mysql dovecot-sieve sudo
You will be asked the following questions:
New password for the MySQL "root" user: <-- yourrootsqlpassword
Next open the TLS/SSL and submission ports in Postfix:
vi /etc/postfix/master.cf
Uncomment the submission and smtps sections (leave -o milter_macro_daemon_name=ORIGINATING as we don't need it):
Restart Postfix afterwards:
/etc/init.d/postfix restart
We want MySQL to listen on all interfaces, not just localhost, therefore we edit /etc/mysql/my.cnf and comment out the line bind-address = 127.0.0.1:
vi /etc/mysql/my.cnf
Then we restart MySQL:
/etc/init.d/mysql restart
Now check that networking is enabled. Run
netstat -tap | grep mysql
The output should look like this:
root@server1:~# netstat -tap | grep mysql
13 Install Amavisd-new, SpamAssassin, And Clamav
To install amavisd-new, SpamAssassin, and ClamAV, we run
apt-get install amavisd-new spamassassin clamav clamav-daemon zoo unzip bzip2 arj nomarch lzop cabextract apt-listchanges libnet-ldap-perl libauthen-sasl-perl clamav-docs daemon libio-string-perl libio-socket-ssl-perl libnet-ident-perl zip libnet-dns-perl
The ISPConfig 3 setup uses amavisd which loads the SpamAssassin filter library internally, so we can stop SpamAssassin to free up some RAM:
/etc/init.d/spamassassin stop
14 Install Nginx, PHP5 (PHP-FPM), And Fcgiwrap
Nginx is available as a package for Ubuntu which we can install as follows:
apt-get install nginx
If Apache2 is already installed on the system, stop it now...
/etc/init.d/apache2 stop
... and remove Apache's system startup links:
update-rc.d -f apache2 remove
Start nginx afterwards:
/etc/init.d/nginx start
(If both Apache2 and nginx are installed, the ISPConfig 3 installer will ask you which one you want to use - answer nginx in this case. If only one of these both is installed, ISPConfig will do the necessary configuration automatically.)
We can make PHP5 work in nginx through PHP-FPM (PHP-FPM (FastCGI Process Manager) is an alternative PHP FastCGI implementation with some additional features useful for sites of any size, especially busier sites) which we install as follows:
apt-get install php5-fpm
PHP-FPM is a daemon process (with the init script /etc/init.d/php5-fpm) that runs a FastCGI server on port 9000.
To get MySQL support in PHP, we can install the php5-mysql package. It's a good idea to install some other PHP5 modules as well as you might need them for your applications. You can search for available PHP5 modules like this:
apt-cache search php5
Pick the ones you need and install them like this:
apt-get install php5-mysql php5-curl php5-gd php5-intl php-pear php5-imagick php5-imap php5-mcrypt php5-memcache php5-ming php5-ps php5-pspell php5-recode php5-snmp php5-sqlite php5-tidy php5-xmlrpc php5-xsl
Xcache is a free and open PHP opcode cacher for caching and optimizing PHP intermediate code. It's similar to other PHP opcode cachers, such as eAccelerator and APC. It is strongly recommended to have one of these installed to speed up your PHP page.
Xcache can be installed as follows:
apt-get install php5-xcache
Now reload PHP-FPM:
/etc/init.d/php5-fpm reload
To get CGI support in nginx, we install Fcgiwrap.
Fcgiwrap is a CGI wrapper that should work also for complex CGI scripts and can be used for shared hosting environments because it allows each vhost to use its own cgi-bin directory.
Install the fcgiwrap package:
apt-get install fcgiwrap
After the installation, the fcgiwrap daemon should already be started; its socket is /var/run/fcgiwrap.socket. If it is not running, you can use the /etc/init.d/fcgiwrap script to start it.
That's it! Now when you create an nginx vhost, ISPConfig will take care of the correct vhost configuration.
14.1 Install phpMyAdmin
Install phpMyAdmin as follows:
apt-get install phpmyadmin
You will see the following questions:
Web server to reconfigure automatically: <-- select none (because only apache2 and lighttpd are available as options)
You can now find phpMyAdmin in the /usr/share/phpmyadmin/ directory.
After you have installed ISPConfig 3, you can access phpMyAdmin as follows:
The ISPConfig apps vhost on port 8081 for nginx comes with a phpMyAdmin configuration, so you can use http://server1.example.com:8081/phpmyadmin or http://server1.example.com:8081/phpMyAdmin to access phpMyAdmin.
If you want to use a /phpmyadmin or /phpMyAdmin alias that you can use from your web sites, this is a bit more complicated than for Apache because nginx does not have global aliases (i.e., aliases that can be defined for all vhosts). Therefore you have to define these aliases for each vhost from which you want to access phpMyAdmin.
To do this, paste the following into the nginx Directives field on the Options tab of the web site in ISPConfig:
If you use https instead of http for your vhost, you should add the line fastcgi_param HTTPS on; to your phpMyAdmin configuration like this:
If you use both http and https for your vhost, you need to add the following section to the http {} section in /etc/nginx/nginx.conf (before any include lines) which determines if the visitor uses http or https and sets the $fastcgi_https variable (which we will use in our phpMyAdmin configuration) accordingly:
vi /etc/nginx/nginx.conf
Don't forget to reload nginx afterwards:
/etc/init.d/nginx reload
Then go to the nginx Directives field again, and instead of fastcgi_param HTTPS on; you add the line fastcgi_param HTTPS $fastcgi_https; so that you can use phpMyAdmin for both http and https requests:
15 Install Mailman
Since version 3.0.4, ISPConfig also allows you to manage (create/modify/delete) Mailman mailing lists. If you want to make use of this feature, install Mailman as follows:
apt-get install mailman
Select at least one language, e.g.:
Languages to support: <-- en (English)
Before we can start Mailman, a first mailing list called mailman must be created:
newlist mailman
root@server1:~# newlist mailman
Open /etc/aliases afterwards...
vi /etc/aliases
... and add the following lines:
afterwards and restart Postfix:
/etc/init.d/postfix restart
Then start the Mailman daemon:
/etc/init.d/mailman start
After you have installed ISPConfig 3, you can access Mailman as follows:
The ISPConfig apps vhost on port 8081 for nginx comes with a Mailman configuration, so you can use http://server1.example.com:8081/cgi-bin/mailman/admin/<listname> or http://server1.example.com:8081/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/<listname> to access Mailman.
If you want to use Mailman from your web sites, this is a bit more complicated than for Apache because nginx does not have global aliases (i.e., aliases that can be defined for all vhosts). Therefore you have to define these aliases for each vhost from which you want to access Mailman.
To do this, paste the following into the nginx Directives field on the Options tab of the web site in ISPConfig:
This defines the alias /cgi-bin/mailman/ for your vhost, which means you can access the Mailman admin interface for a list at http://<vhost>/cgi-bin/mailman/admin/<listname>, and the web page for users of a mailing list can be found at http://<vhost>/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/<listname>.
Under http://<vhost>/pipermail you can find the mailing list archives.
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