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Aerotree Defence & Services Sdn. Bhd. has signed a letter of intent for DRS Technologies, Inc. to furnish a complete Air Combat Maneuvering Instrumentation (ACMI) system to the Royal Malaysian Air Force (RMAF) in a meeting at the Farnborough Air Show, attended by the Malaysian Ministry of Defense Secretary General and the Royal Malaysian Air Force Chief of the Air Force. Aerotree is the prime contractor to the RMAF. Aerotree would purchase the ACMI system for lease to the government of Malaysia. Twenty two ACMI pods with associated spares, ground equipment, Air Combat Training Integrated Visualization Environment (ACTiVE) debriefing systems, training, maintenance and logistics support will be delivered within 18 to 24 months after contract award. The system will be used on various aircraft including the SU-30MKM, F-18D, MiG-29N, F-5E, Hawk, and MB-339CM.
Air Combat Maneuvering System (ACMI) is an advanced application used to optimize air combat training with post mission analysis and debriefing. The system gathers in-flight aircraft data, video and audio recordings and produces highly effective, comprehensive real-time post-flight replays of engagementsThis GPS based system allows the freedom to train in any airspace and does not require a set range infrastructure. The standard system is based on the USAFE Rangeless Instrumentation Training System (URITS) Airborne Pod AN/ASQ-T38B. This pod is qualified on numerous aircraft and is mounted on a missile launcher rail.
Air Combat Training Integrated Visualization Environment (ACTiVE)
The ground-based ACTiVE debriefing system allows for full mission debrief and tracking of all participants. This debrief includes weapons engagements and kill assessment. The URITS system is fully deployable and once at the new location can be unpacked and set up for mission support in less than one hour. As an option, airborne pods can be configured with a Datalink Transceiver (DLT). When combined with the optional Real-Time Monitor Station (RTMS) co-located with the ACTiVE system, it provides a Real-Time (LIVE) monitoring capability. This option also provides for pod-to-pod communication allowing for Real Time Kill Removal.
- Rangeless
- Pod-to-Pop / Pod-to-Ground Communications
- Data Link Option with High-Fidelity Weapon simulation
- Real-Time Kill Notification (RTKN)
- State-of-the-art Display and debriefing Stations
- Precision GPS-Based Time-Space Position Accuracy
- World-wide interoperability with USG and NATO Forces
- Real-Time Monitoring
Communication is through a time division multiplexed data link where each pod sends its TSPI (Time, Space, Position Information) and RTKN (Real Time Kill Notification) information in unique time slots. All pods listen to the other pods and record the position of all pods within range. The pod records data obtained from its own sensors and data from the host aircraft. The data from the pod includes aircraft position, velocity, acceleration, altitude, attitude, angular rates, discrete data, GPS data, and MIL-STD-1553B serial multiplex data bus information.


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Have you ever thought what it would be like to work in a hospital or just wanted to learn more about a health care field? Become a student volunteer at St. Joseph Mercy Oakland. When you volunteer here, you will be able to explore health care careers, keep up-to-date on the newest technology, get references for resumes or college applications, and have the satisfaction of helping others.
To start volunteering just call 248-858-3035 and ask for a student volunteer application, or click here to obtain an application. You can then fax the form to 248-858-3033 or mail it to:
St. Joseph Mercy Oakland, Volunteer Services44405 Woodward Ave.Pontiac, MI 48341
All new student volunteers come in for an interview with the volunteer manager. Every effort is made to match a new volunteer with an assignment that fits the skills, interests, and time-commitment level of the volunteer as well as meeting the department needs. Student volunteers must be at least 16 years old and presently in school. We ask that you volunteer 2 to 4 hours a week on the same day for a total of at least 40 hours.
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Volunteer-it really makes a difference!
St. Joseph Mercy Oakland | 44405 Woodward Avenue, Pontiac, Michigan 48341 | 248-858-3000


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Posts Tagged 'Boy Scouts'
Timberland Helps Local Scouts Spring Into Action
Categories: Making Our Difference: TBL CSR
On Thursday July 15, Timberland had the privilege of hosting 43 Cub Scouts from the Daniel Webster Council for an afternoon of educational dialogue and arts and crafts. To the Cub Scouts' surprise and joy, at the end of the day, they were awarded the "Spring into Action" patch:
"Doing well and doing good" was the focus of the opening conversation. It was discussed how we at Timberland believe in the power of people to transform their communities and make a difference in the world – that we ALL have an opportunity to make it better. It was illustrated how Timberland does just that – from the 40 hours of paid community service per year each employee is encouraged to utilize, to making shoe components from recycled tires and water bottles – which was a jaw-dropping fact, I assure you. We spoke of silver-rated tanneries and solar and wind powered factories. We spoke of LED light bulbs and carbon footprints.
The Scouts were asked to think about how this "doing well and doing good" platform translates to their lives. That the Earth is in need of our help – and every little bit we can do makes a difference. That we all need to be Earthkeepers.
The Scouts also played "TIMBO" – Timberland's version of Bingo. Board squares consisted of items that could be recycled. Prizes were given to the first couple of Scouts with TIMBO – but also rewarded to the child that could guess what all the words had in common. We also all learned what an aseptic is (the airtight container that is used for sterilized packaging so that freshness is preserved – like with milk or juice – and it's recyclable).
The next order of business focused on the importance of wildlife conservation. The Scouts painted birdhouses, and were provided bags of birdseed to fill them with. As some of the Picassos were still finishing up their birdhouses, other Scouts started working on the next project – pet rocks. The focus here was that there are fun ways to repurpose nature – even something as simple as a rock is transformed when two eyes are applied.
Lastly, we made God's-Eyes. The relevance here was a nostalgic one. Not to date myself…but don't we all remember making these when we were a child? Life wasn't so complicated back then – heck, email didn't even exist! The point was that they are just as much fun to make today as they were back then. The Scouts were amazed that it was so easy to make something so beautiful. (An added bonus — anyone who knows 29 year Timberland veteran George Belanger would have paid money to see him making one.)
After a little snack, we circled up and awarded the Cub Scouts their "Spring Into Action" patches. I thought it quite fitting that there were lug prints on the patch – to remind the Scouts of their time at Timberland – and to reinforce that we all need to do our part and be the best Earthkeepers we can be.
Timberland volunteers will long remember this day, and we are all thankful that the company has enabled us to have events such as this. It was all about the kids on Thursday, but planting the seed of environmental consciousness with today's youth was personally a very rewarding experience, and I believe a very sound investment.
Kati Lynes
Timberland Sales Planning Manager


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Creative Multimedia Production and Marketing
I started the company in 1984 after serving as head of the medical photography department at the University of South Florida. After about three years there, I decided that I could manage an independent company, so I ventured out on my own.
Thomas Overbey continued to perform medically related projects, which involve a large amount of presentation and event work.
My most favorite was serving as technical director for producing the world's first live surgery presented over iPhone at the Good Samaritan Hospital in Portland. The purpose was to demonstrate a Hybrid-Suite, where a patient may undergo two type of procedures with only one trip to the hospital. It was a huge success with surgeons watching worldwide!
Whether it's through advertising on television, producing a creative print marketing campaign or developing a highly functional web site that generates traffic, Sprint Multimedia assures to deliver the right message. They are ready to meet the needs of your corporate events with onsite and fully digital services and portrait packages.


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Wendi Multi-Strand Necklace
Tiers of cascading chain dotted with metal beads.
- Adjusts from 32" to 36".
- Metal.
We're so sorry: this item sold out sooner than expected. For an equally chic substitute, please call our Personal Service Associates at 1.888.855.4986. Or click on Chico's Chat below for immediate assistance.


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Few cars stir up the rumormill quite like the next BMW M3. To that end, BMW fan-site BimmerPost was able to track down a source, apparently tied to the development of the next M3 (and M4), who divulged a few juicy bits on power, weight and timing.
Horsepower in the F80 M3 and F82 M4 is said to be close to that of the E90/E92, which was rated at 414 hp. This contrasts with previous reports that had horsepower pegged closer to 450. It should also be noted that BMW has been known to underrate the horsepower values for its engines. That said, the new turbocharged straight-six will supposedly develop 100 more pound-feet of torque over the current generation, too. The 4.0-liter S65 V8 found in the E90/E92 M3 developed 295 lb-ft, putting the new engine's torque in the 395 lb-ft neighborhood. We can live with that.
An equally interesting development regards the proposed weight of the new Ultimate Driving Machine. Apparently BMW is targeting the curb weight of the E46 M3. That older-generation Bimmer clocked in at about 3,400 pounds, while the E90/E92 M3 had grown to over 3,700 pounds. The 300-pound weight savings should come as welcome news to M3 purists, critical of the progressive weight gains from generation to generation.
For those interested in the aesthetic of the next performance-Bimmer, the F80/F82 update of the M3 is claimed to feature a more aggressive look, highlighted by a power bulge hood and larger fenders. That styling direction should not come as much of a surprise, as the more aggressive appearance is customary to the M3 by now and matches what we've seen in spy shots.
According to source, the F80 M3 sedan will debut first and come to market in early 2014. It will be followed by the M4 coupe, though exact timing was not revealed.


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Volunteers planted 40 trees at Round Rock's Meadow Lake Park on March 31 for Arbor Day 2007. Volunteers from Dell Computer, Round Rock Church of Christ, City of Round Rock and local community volunteers helped plant the trees at the waters edge.
Although it rained for several days before the tree planting and ducks were swimming earlier in the week where the planting was to take place, volunteers were able to plant the trees along the waters edge and further beautify the park.
About Arbor DayArbor Day is America's National Tree Holiday, a day set aside to plant ceremonial trees, educate the public about the importance of trees, and honor the vital role trees play in our everyday lives. The brainchild of journalist Julius Sterling Morton, the first Arbor Day took place on April 10, 1872 in Nebraska. Today, National Arbor Day is celebrated on the last Friday in April.
To learn more about Arbor Day, visit the National Arbor Day Foundation


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Ph 0423 777 509
Springfield Lakes State School 63 Springfield Lakes Boulevard , Springfield Lakes , Qld , Australia , 4300
About the ClubThe Greater Springfield Storm started as the Springfield Lakes Kookaburras Junior AFC in 2008, playing in the Brisbane Juniors competitions.
In 2013 the club re-braned and re-lauched at the Greater Springfield Storm, and re-located to Springfield Lakes State School. The new and improved club saw record numbers in 2013 and in 2014 will field their first Senior AFL side.


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I Had a Colonoscopy143 Comments Published by JD August 10th, 2008 in I See Doctors.
I don't know where I'm running now
I'm just running on
First, let me say that colon cancer is serious stuff. In no way do I mean to make light of this disease OR the procedure that is so important to early detection. Doctors say you should have a baseline colonoscopy when you're 50 (I AM NOT 50).
Second, this post is as long as my colon. I could've broken it into two parts, but I think, like my colon, it should be kept intact.
Third, I have an idea. Everyone loves to Xerox their butt, right? So why can't they invent something that combines the fun of this merry prank with the medical mumbo-jumbo and let us plant our naked butts on a some kind of fancy machine that sees right up into you?
Well, until they invent that, I had to fast for a day, drink some vile stuff, and get a tube shoved up my colon.
Let's go back to the beginning. Is anyone ever prepared for a finger up the butt? I know I wasn't. But that would be the first of many indignities I would suffer on my road to a colonoscopy.
The Fast
The day before a colonoscopy, you can eat only see-through liquids. For some reason, this includes popsicles and Jell-O. Also, broth, apple juice, 7-UP, and, of course, water. I tried spreading out a piece of pizza till it was almost see-through, but I suspected that might be considered cheating.
I will not lie. Fasting is hard for a girl like me. A popsicle is no substitute for Lucky Charms. Chicken broth does not even remotely resemble a Big Mac. And Jell-O can in no way be mistaken for ice cream. But you have to do it. A friend told me that if I cheated, I'd be sorry. "There's just that much more to come out," she said.
My "supper"
If I don't eat, no one does
The Solution
But fasting isn't enough. You have to make sure every particle of Jell-O is gone. For this, you get TriLyte powder. You start drinking it around 6 PM: an 8-oz glass every 5-10 minutes. You can stop drinking once your "stools are clear." Um . . . I've never seen a clear stool. Does it look like glass? I'm rather intrigued and skeptical. Also, I've grown to really hate the word "stool."
The TriLyte powder comes in a handy 4-liter plastic jug and five (5!) delicious flavor packs. Well, they have to make it taste good, right? So then how come the instructions suggest that "drinking with a straw may help bypass some of the taste"? I also read that "chilling the solution improves the taste." Well, thanks for telling me that four seconds before I have to start swigging.
TriLyte jug, Magnesium Citrate, "flavor" packs
Here are the directions on the TriLyte jug:
- TriLyte with flavor packs can be used with or without the addition of one flavor pack.
- If you prefer an unflavored solution (boy, that sounds appealing), discard the flavor packs (why, are they toxic?) and proceed to step 5.
- If you prefer a flavored solution, proceed to step 2.
- Choose one of the flavor packets.
Were these instructions written for newborn babies?
But then how stupid do I feel when I don't read step 3 to find out you have to put the flavor pack in BEFORE the water. Duh.
From my flavor choices, I choose pineapple. It smells OK, and there is a cheery little pineapple on the packet. I bet this is going to taste just like a pina colada . . .
. . . This tastes nothing like a pina colada. Oh, my god. Where's my straw? Bypass! Bypass!
(Later I read on a colonoscopy message board some apt descriptions of the TriLyte solution: "thick consistency with salty aftertaste," "like Alka Seltzer but without the fizz," "oily dishwater liquid," and my favorite and perhaps the most accurate: "a jug of elephant semen.")
Luckily I "only" had to drink about 3 liters of the elephant semen, which I managed to do in about an hour and a half. All in all, I probably made about 176 trips to the bathroom, although I'll admit that a few of those were just to see how much weight I'd lost (grand total: 5 lbs). To keep my mind off the horror of it all, I watched eppies of 30 Rock. Now just the sight of Tina Fey brings on the uncontrolllable urge to poo.
I was pretty much finished by 10:30 and fell into a troubled but uninterrupted sleep.
The Procedure
I woke up nervous and dehydrated. But despite feeling emptier than a hobo's wallet, I still wasn't done. I had to drink a 10-oz bottle of Magnesium Citrate at least 3 hours before the procedure.
The recommended flavor is lemon-lime, but my pharmacy didn't have that, so I got "original flavor." Great. What does that taste like, phlegm?
Mmmm. Fizzy phlegm.
Yup! It's phlegm! Oh, and remember when I said I was "pretty much finished" at 10:30 the night before? Drinking this stuff ensured that I was most definitely NOT finished. I was not finished by the time my mom came to pick me up, I was not finished on the ride to the hospital, and I was not finished when we got to the waiting room.
After about 20 minutes, I was taken to a room where my underpants were confiscated. I expressed my concern of "not being finished" all over the operating table, but the nurse assured me that "everything will be sucked out through the scope." Well. OK, then.
I was nervous lying there. All I could think about was an air bubble in my saline IV. A nurse walked in and cracked a huge yawn. "Oh! I'm so sleepy!" she exclaimed. Great.
Did I mention my doctor is hot? I'm so glad they didn't make me wear a shower cap over my beautifully curled hair. Wait, no one is wearing a cap. WHY? Don't they care about a stray hair getting into my colon?
Hot Doctor says some stuff and tells me to roll over onto my left. I'm about to complain that I'm more comfortable on my right, but BLAM! I'm out.
Then, BLAM! I'm awake and feeling perfectly fine, if a bit groggy. The whole thing took about an hour, and everything looked normal (yay!). I have the most delicious apple juice of my life. A kind nurse tells me to pass some gas, but I'm way ahead of her.
To the attendants of the waiting room washroom: For the love of god, please use softer toilet paper. I probably visited your otherwise clean and lovely washroom 17 times, and each trip ended in mind-numbing pain.
If You Need a Colonoscopy
- Stock up on extra-soft TP or better still, something like this.
- Eat a light, low-fiber diet the day before. It's all coming out, so the less there is, the better.
- Don't choose pineapple.
If You Enjoyed This Medical Adventure, You Might Also Like
Surely this deserves a click?
143 Comments
143 Responses to "I Had a Colonoscopy"
Aug 10th, 2008 at 8:39 PM
Oh no, that must have been bad! I've never fasted, so I don't know what its like, but I'm sure it felt good to eat again.
And I hate flavored medical drinks, such as grape cough syrup. It doesn't taste like grape, and it leaves a horrible aftertaste, oh yeah, bubblegum flavor doesn't taste like bubblegum either.
Why not make a chocolaate flavor that actually tastes like good chocolate, and leaves a good taste in your mouth after?
Aug 10th, 2008 at 8:55 PM
I can't imagine having a foreign object inserted in unspeakable locations… I'm so glad you did that so we don't have to… right now I'm having my own medical mystery which is not nearly as serious as your own but I think may include someone poking a voodoo doll of me and making random body parts swell up for no apparent reason.
Singular Girl's last blog post..Pride, Prejudice and Politics
Aug 10th, 2008 at 8:59 PM
I am more than happy to let you go through that so I don't have to
Aug 10th, 2008 at 9:21 PM
Oh thank you very much. I've been procrastinating this procedure because I was nervous about the prep. Now thanks to your "jug of elephant semen" comment I will probably never do it (but please, don't feel guilty).
But I DID love your "cat's looking at us pathetically for some food" picture and comment. That is classic!
Jeff's last blog post..I'm taking off to Canada eh, you hosers
Aug 10th, 2008 at 9:39 PM
i am glad you did that so i do have to
but we were promised a video
Aug 10th, 2008 at 10:22 PM
I am still trying to imagine what clear stools look like. And also, worried that you could have gotten a stray hair in your colon.
Thank goodness it's all "behind" you, right!?
Daisy the Curly Cat's last blog post..Sunday Comics with Daisy!
Aug 10th, 2008 at 10:54 PM
"Oh what a bummer" (Probably too British) ;O)
I am forever grateful that you did that so I don't have to! It all sounds horrific – but you have had a good clean out now! Some pay good money to have that done.
I know you didn't really starve your kitties, so I wanna know. Were you tempted by their stinky goodness?
Babs – beetle's last blog post..Who's a Happy Bunny?
Aug 10th, 2008 at 10:59 PM
Love it daisy!
Wow, I'm really glad you went through that for us. I don't know how I'd do fasting… when I needed a ultra-sound two years ago, they told me that I had to drink X ounces of water, and I did but I did it too soon and was like OH GOD I NEED A BATHROOM! but I couldn't go because they needed my bladder full.
You really must have had to go because after "I Flush" I thought you wouldn't use public restrooms again.
Sarah's last blog post..Packing Problems
Aug 10th, 2008 at 11:14 PM
I am horrified. And yet I cannot stop laughing. The look on Prudence's face is priceless. Mom! Bring food down here! We don't care what's goin' on with your butt! It doesn't involve us!
I'm thinking "TriLyte" is short for "Just try to like it." God bless you for going through that so we don't have to.
Am I right that this is the second event where your underpants were confiscated? I'm pretty sure you had them taken away during the surg … procedure. Girl, you gotta stop giving them to people.
Really glad everything's OK and this is just a memory now. A disgusting, vile memory, but still just a memory.
Kathy's last blog post..Leavin' on a Jet Plane. Maybe.
Aug 11th, 2008 at 12:33 AM
This is a great post – everything I need to and don't really want to know about this procedure, which I have been putting off for too many years now.
Aug 11th, 2008 at 1:05 AM
I am SO glad that you did that so I won't have to!!!
Luxor's Mom's last blog post..Is there something on my head?
Aug 11th, 2008 at 1:11 AM
Oh. MY. God. Well then, that sounded like a wonderful, enjoyable experience and all and I'm gld you got to go through it and hope I never HAVE to (though why I would do it without having to is beyond me…)
Tayo's last blog post..Old School Friday – Lenny Kravitz
Aug 11th, 2008 at 1:15 AM
my question is. . . why can't they put you out the day BEFORE and just give you the fluids intravenously?? I mean, HOLY CRAP, oh oops, um anyway, my point is they torture you with all that drinking and stuff for way longer than the procedure, they should really work on that.
Glad you're well!
Chat Blanc's last blog post..And the winner is. . .
Aug 11th, 2008 at 1:52 AM
I forgot to say. I'm very glad that you got the all clear :O)
Babs – beetle's last blog post..Who's a Happy Bunny?
Aug 11th, 2008 at 2:41 AM
I've fasted before, so I know how to handle that part. I like food, but can manage without it for a day.
Now, all that medicinal stuff, on the other hand? Stuff that tastes like elephant semen? I'm gagging already. I've had a number of CT scans and the crap they make you drink for those is just weirdly flavored iced tea. How about if I fast for THREE days instead of drinking elephant semen? I could do that. Seriously. I could.
I'm not happy that I'm actually going to have to do that soon, since I AM 50. Huge frown here!
But thanks for the tips. Bring my own TP, and no pineapple. Got it.
Kelly's last blog post..Mandala 8-10
Aug 11th, 2008 at 2:49 AM
The liquid diet is nothing to drinking that awful tasting liquid that will cause you to spend hours in the bathroom….I think you forgot to mention keeping a good supply of reading material in the bathroom as you will spend much of your time there. I've had to do this 5 times now, for the colonoscopy and various scans. Not fun, not fun, not fun….but better safe than sorry.
Sassy Mama Bear's last blog post..Entrecard Advertisers of the Week
Aug 11th, 2008 at 3:27 AM
I had one last year. Best part was farting on the nurses, and they said it was fine.
I can't even smell pineapple since then, though.
I did ask the doctors for copies of the colonoscopy for my Christmas cards, but they wouldn't give them to me.
Glad you came through it fine.
Joe's last blog post..Happy Sunday
Aug 11th, 2008 at 3:31 AM
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for doing that so I don't have to! I'm over fifty, but docs this side of the Pond don't seem to care and you only get a colonoscopy if there is Due Cause. I've had the occult blood tests though, and they're a doddle.
Elephant semen! ROFL ROFL ROFL!!
*Tears* … uh .. of sympathy! Yes, sympathy!! Not laughter, no nonono.
Good advice to skip the pineapple. It's ALWAYS good to skip the pineapple. Trust me I know.
Jay's last blog post..Conversation in Dog
Aug 11th, 2008 at 4:35 AM
Blood loss: minimal
And they wonder why people don't like going to doctors.
Many moons ago, I had to go to the emergency room. They gave me some medicine you have to drink down. They hand you the cup and then step back, as if they expect most people to just re-enact The Exorcist or something, which is never a good sign. They encourage you to chug it down. Took me three swallows or so, and they took an extra step back after the first swallow.
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Aug 11th, 2008 at 4:46 AM
I've been emptier than a hobo's wallet before once, but it had nothing to do with elephant semen. I got food poisoning or some such in the Caribbean and was thoroughly cleaned out from both ends, then couldn't eat for 3 days. At least, I don't think they cook with elephant semen down there…
I'm not really disappointed by the lack of video. If I want to watch something horrible I can go rent a movie or go visit a friend who doesn't know how to discipline children but still had some anyways.
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Aug 11th, 2008 at 5:46 AM
Uh, yes. The fasting and "preparation" phase is the worst part. I have to have one of those every two years as I've got ulcerative colitis and I absolutely hate it when colonoscopy time rolls around.
Once you get in there, they hammer you with enough drugs that you don't really notice anything at all. In fact, my doctor told me I was a hoot the last time around. He said I mentioned something about going through a colonoscopy is "better than being at work, at least."
I really do need a new job…
Glad you made it through OK!
The Hawg's last blog post..The Hawg's greatness is recognized!
Aug 11th, 2008 at 7:18 AM
Thank God you did that so I didnt have to! I laughed so freaking hard when I saw the picture of the cats with the caption! Loved it!!
Liz's last blog post..American Tourist Killed in Beijing
Aug 11th, 2008 at 7:23 AM
Here's a great plan, JD… I'll fast for you and you drink the elephant semen for me!
People never believe me right away that I'm an alien. But eventually they come around to my way of thinking. LOL
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Aug 11th, 2008 at 7:28 AM
It wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world, and I imagine it was tastier than a lot of the things I see on Fear Factor, but I managed to keep it down. I don't chug that well, so they probably figured if I wasn't chugging it down, I would likely spit it up. I took big swallows, but it probably didn't constitute chugging.
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Aug 11th, 2008 at 7:48 AM
I could not even read this post because the moment I read the header I began to have hot flashes.
Many moons ago, I had to have a colonoscopy followed by surgery to remove my gallbladder. They both spanned the course of about a week and they both had the same pre-surgery requirements. Fasting, icky foods, followed by some overly salty drink that caused me to throw up.
What made the adventure even more exciting was that the surgery was preformed by the Dr I worked for. Talk about a nightmare.
Monique's last blog post..The Joys of Being Adopted
Aug 11th, 2008 at 7:58 AM
Oh Dear, I was cringing for you and yet busting into tears from laughing so hard the bad thing is I read this at work when we were slow so I think my pharmacist thought I had gone insane. I am definetly going to have to post this in my midweek shout out this week. I am so sorry you had to go through that but thank you for the giggles
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Aug 11th, 2008 at 1:19 PM
Yay! You did it! Just the thought of fasting for one day scares me (let alone drinking all that gak).
And I'd be scared of any product that looks like it comes in a canister you could put gas in.
You are too funny!
Alice's last blog post..Honey Pie Weekend Update
Aug 11th, 2008 at 7:58 PM
To me, all this sounds worse than dying. And this from someone who made four trips to the delivery room …
Aug 11th, 2008 at 10:20 PM
JD, I just finished bowing before your blog, this post goes into my Blogger's Hall of Fame or BHOF for short.
I gave up comedy radio 'cause I was LOL @ work too much and now this post. I LOVE IT. I had to hold my cheeks to keep from grinning so much, then tears started coming out of my eyes from not being able to laugh out loud and it was hard to breath…since we're being gross, things were flying out of my noise in the process. I'm going to burst soon!! FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY!!!
I'm not ready for this process, hopefully by the time I need it, they will have come up with something better. What about those darn head lights (on cars) that people shine on my head when I'm driving. I feel like they can see right through me, now all I need to do is master driving with my butt up in the air and they can send the results on to my doctor. Hey how come they can't xray this procedure.
Anywho, JD, thanks for doing this so I don't have to. I will be contacting you, oh in about 10 years so that you can stand in for me. I'm going out now, so I can laugh at this post and I will read it again when I get home. It was the best, I have to share it with my friends. LOLOLOLOL
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Aug 11th, 2008 at 10:24 PM
JD – a selfless heroine in the name of blogging! I'm looking forward to your "I Have Uneccessary Liposuction So You Don't Have To" post.
I didn't realize you'd be unconscious for most of the procedure. I hoped you were going to treat us to a blow-by-blow account of foreign object insertion (the time when your imagination runs wild and small metal probes appear as huge flaming spears in your mind).
Glad to hear everything in botty-land is A-OK!
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Aug 11th, 2008 at 11:23 PM
I don't want you to starve anymore. Have got loads of cake for you and you can have all of it. God Bless! And you were talking about taking break? i couldn't stop until reached towards the end. Let me know after you have had cake, I'd have my laugh!
Scratch Bags's last blog post..Stop Peeing! Would You?
Aug 11th, 2008 at 11:32 PM
"a jug of elephant semen.â€) or pineapple. Gah, that is not exactly like "Cake or Death" Oh well, I'm set up for next month. Sounds sort of like a reverse root canal. Thanks for the heads up.
Alvin's last blog post..A Love Poem
Aug 12th, 2008 at 12:20 AM
I taste elephant semen so you don't have to!
great post. glad to hear everthing's good down there, er, up there…whatever. great post.
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Aug 12th, 2008 at 12:29 AM
You know, I just noticed the cartoon. Well, I saw it before, but all I did was read the text and only briefly glance at the image. But, now looking at it, look at it! The woman's head is on backwards! Backwards! You can't twist your head like that unless you're an owl!
dcr's last blog post..The Critique as Art, or How Art May Not Be Art Until Someone Thinks That It Is
Aug 12th, 2008 at 12:49 AM
Sorry about your sore bum. Thanks for the laugh!
Fancy's last blog post..West Point
Aug 12th, 2008 at 12:54 AM
Well it's about time.
What the heck were you waiting for?
Aug 12th, 2008 at 2:39 AM
Whew, glad you lived to tell the tale!
Regarding your TriLyte, it sounds quite similar to this nasty junk I had to drink a few years back while getting a series of blood tests for hypoglycemia. You drink this disgusting crap that tastes like "orange soda!" (yeah RIGHT, it has the aftertaste of battery acid) and then they draw your blood every half an hour for 3 hours. LOTS of fun. My arms looked like I was a heroin addict by the time I was finished, and I felt like one too.
But the "orange soda" was supposed to be delicious. HAHAHA.
Angi's last blog post..An Open Letter to My Two Co-Workers
Aug 12th, 2008 at 3:28 AM
Oh, man. I'm glad your…uh.. colonic mucosa was normal and the bleeding was minimal!! Glad you made it through okay, too!
Athena's last blog post..The Olympics are sexy
Aug 12th, 2008 at 5:46 AM
Glad everything is fine!
Colonoscopies are no fun at all. But, at least your doctor was hot.
Musing's last blog post..Spread the quotes and share the, um, wisdom
Aug 12th, 2008 at 6:00 AM
GAH! My sister just did this – about the same time as you did, BTW. All she would allow is that "they gave me way much demerol." Not too, but way much. I agree with those who suggest that the demerol begin before the fasting and tri-lyte.
Elle's last blog post..Guess Who…
Aug 12th, 2008 at 6:03 PM
Oh, my god! I'm really sorry that you had this horrible exam:/ I hope that you feel fine. I was very close to have an oposite exam – from a different side – and I couldn't make it.
Aug 12th, 2008 at 8:32 PM
"Does it look like glass?"
I almost peed my panties when I read that. Thanks for the insight on your procedure. My Gpa died of colon cancer and my Mom has colon issues so I'm sure there will be plenty of glassy stool in my future.
Aug 13th, 2008 at 3:18 AM
i hope i don't have to do that before i'm "old." at least 30 more years.
Aug 13th, 2008 at 4:05 AM
Angi, I'm with you on the sugar syrup, although I have to say, you got off easy girl! Man, when I took that test, it was starve for 12 hours, drink this enormous bottle of syrup, (and they didn't have orange flavored back then, it was Sprite or Coke) and the get poked for 8 hours! It was horrible, it sucked, like you, I walked out looking like a junkie in need of intervention, and the nice nurse had the nerve to pat me on the head and tell me "well now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
Course that was 10 years ago, and I have been very clever about avoiding it since then.
Finger up the butt, yep, they pulled that 1 on me when I was preggers with my 2nd girl. No warning, just a SURPRISE! My favorite OB of all time, and damned if she almost didn't get my foot up her ass!
The other thing is this: when I had my uterus taken out, after recovery, they booked me with a woman who was doing the same thing you did, only in the confines of the hospital. It was terrible because there I was trying to recover from surgery, and instead, that first night was spent listening to her try to get "clear stool". It was so funny because the most atrocious noises came out of the bathroom all night long, and it hurt like bloody fury to laugh, and all I could do was lay there and cry in mirth and wait till I could punch the button on the morphine machine so I could laugh instead in reasonable comfort. I had actually forgotten about that, thanks for bringing the memory back!
JT's last blog post..Construction hell and paper trails
Aug 13th, 2008 at 7:06 AM
Aww, I feel bad for the cats! Glad you are okay in the end Did you feed the cats afterward!?
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Aug 13th, 2008 at 9:41 AM
Hi, I gave you an award on my blog!
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Aug 13th, 2008 at 11:52 AM
You are a brave brave lady.
I am a a young adult male currently pursuing a medical career and usually I am more than happy to be a lab rat. This may be one of the few things I would actually volunteer to do without having to do.
So kudos to you! I work in a pharmacy setting, so I am aware of the horrors of TriLyte and similar (prep) laxatives. I hear the cherry is a good choice. Well I guess you'll do that next time haha.
Great post and I love your blog. It's a very clever idea!
iMike's last blog post..Bad Ad Placement?
Aug 13th, 2008 at 5:20 PM
Yup, that's a fair and accurate report alright! Well done. I hope no stray hairs found their way to your colon, too.
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Aug 13th, 2008 at 7:49 PM
They knocked you out for yours!!?? I am jealous….I was awake for the whole thing.
Rhonda's last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Aug 14th, 2008 at 2:45 AM
Man does that sound horrible. At least you came out of it to write about it right? I sincerely hope you are right that I won't have to do that!
Chelle's last blog post..This Week On Ebay 8.12
Aug 14th, 2008 at 3:16 AM
Just seeing that picture of the Colonoscopy makes me worried for a few years down the road when I will start needing them… Yucky!
Aug 15th, 2008 at 12:17 AM
Sorry you had to go through a colonoscopy but that was some funny shit. Oh wait, sorry. That was very, very funny.
I actually laughed out loud while reading for the first time in a long time.
Aug 15th, 2008 at 1:56 AM
LOL. Gosh, I can actually relate to this post. This situation sucks, no?
But your post made me laugh so thank you, haha.
I've had one before and ironically, I'm fasting today – because I have another one tomorrow morning! Seriously.
So it was like a Godsend when I found your post!
Needless to say I am starving right now, and it's feels much better knowing someone understands!
(especially the bit about the disgusting stuff they make you drink.. euw, as if the 'flavour' is gonna make a difference!)
Great post lol, keep it going
Aug 15th, 2008 at 2:32 AM
Thank you for not having any video with this, but the pictures of the cats– well, the one cat anyway — looking up forlorn (the other one looked like he had that blank cat stare into space that you wonder what the hell they're staring at anyway) were great as well as the bottle of gin you had there (oh, wait, that wasn't gin).
I apologize for not putting you on my blogroll sooner or adding you to my reader. Now you can breathe easier knowing you're on my blogroll and your subscriptions went up by 1. (I saw you were going to be having this post last week and should have known it would be nothing but classic, colons plus oscopies always equals humor).
unfinishedrambler's last blog post..Shout outs to my Humor-Blogs.com peeps
Aug 15th, 2008 at 5:33 AM
Whoa! Better you than me! I would so have died just from fasting. That would have been the worst. The pooping and camera in the rear would be a piece of cake compared to a day with no solid food. Glad your booty got the A-OK after all that!
Andrea's last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Aug 15th, 2008 at 9:24 AM
OMG! Are you a comedienne? I laughed so hard I cried, then laughed some more, cried some more…. Every 30 seconds (if not less) I had to take off my glasses, wipe my eyes and start again, inevitably beginning to laugh/cry before I could even find where I left off. My kids came out to the family room wondering if I was seriously crying and looked at me as if I was nuts…well… I probably am because of them. Tomorrow I will share your link with my friends at work. You can bet that a pack of women over 50 will be howling and rolling on the floor in a much needed humor break. Keep writing. Now I am off to click more medical adventures.
Aug 15th, 2008 at 11:59 AM
This is by far one of the best posts I've read in a while. Bravo, author, bravo! I couldn't stop laughing, sorry about that, I mean we're talking about the poop chute. Yours.
I cracked up at the kitty photo caption, and just kept laughing the whole way through. Thank you!
Margaret's last blog post..Skankiness & Shoe Spray, With Honors
Aug 16th, 2008 at 12:23 AM
aaaw, well i'm back from the colonoscopy and it went fine thank you!
I slept through it, and I woke up thinking hurray it's over! Haha, this thing was weighing on my mind for a month.
And I'm still a little woozy from the sedative, haha I can hardly walk straight!
I'm about to add you to my blogroll cos ur blog is fab, original and oh so cool
drop by sometime and visit me. and thank you for the laughs!
Fanta Girl :)'s last blog post..Can't Sleep?
Aug 17th, 2008 at 8:36 AM
This is great! Everything we need to know about this procedure and yet it is presented in such a hilarious manner! Thanks for both the info and the laughs!
Aug 17th, 2008 at 11:15 PM
I read this and I cried I was laughing so hard from the commentary. All I could think about was when my mom had to go through the same thing. She didn't have any of those life-saving flavor packets you were fortunate to have! She had a lemon lime flavored stuff…so she thought of many different ways of consuming the 8oz every 5-10 minutes..I think her best idea included putting the 8oz in 8 shot glasses and cutting up a few limes…then she would down a shot followed by biting a lime wedge….She would shake in disgust each time.
I thoroughly enjoyed your colonoscopy adventure…
Thanks for the laugh
Ashley's last blog post..I'm sooo glad that is on a leash!
Aug 19th, 2008 at 6:09 PM
wow! you made it sound so easy. most people are really scared doing this thing. good thing you explained everything as if it's not a big deal. and you inspire people to do the procedure.
allure's last blog post..Black Princess and The Frog
Aug 28th, 2008 at 8:45 AM
OH MY GOD. Found this post after a Google search and nearly laughing myself to death. You are so right on about all the details. I went through this today and no one tells you about the mortification you are going to feel when you wake up realizing you are in the midst of UNCONTROLLABLE, persistent gas passing in front of at least 20 nurses and other patients. My doctor was also hot so it was almost worth it though…
Sep 6th, 2008 at 8:47 PM
great post on colon cancer
Sep 7th, 2008 at 11:56 PM
so now that you've done it the rest of us never have to, right? Isn't that the deal?
flit's last blog post..Dream Jobs…
Sep 8th, 2008 at 4:16 AM
Okay so first of all the article was hillarious. I am 25 and having my second colonoscopy in two years tomorrow morning and drinking the "elephant semen" as I type. I love it just as much as you do, and I just got a kick out of your honesty. It totally sucks and thankfully yours was clean. My last one had villous polyps (whatever the heck that is) anyhow it's the kind that if left there to stew can eventually be cancerous. So here I go again….under the scope….or over the scope, whatever. Hope this ones clean so I don't have to visit the butt doctor for 10 years, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Bottom line the doctors, or pharmaceutical companies have to come up with a better way. I'd rather jump out of my window barefoot and naked than drink this crap in another year!
Nov 10th, 2008 at 6:46 PM
I had a colonoscopy last week, and to add to your tip on moist toilet paper, I'd add that a good barrier cream is a God send!
As I have a baby daughter I pinched some of her nappy rash barrier cream (Sudocrem), which was actually suggested by my doctor.
Moist TP and barrier cream really helped. I'd hate to think how sore I would have been without them!
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Nov 26th, 2008 at 2:47 AM
I believe the barrier cream would be like diaper cream where it's all white and gooey on your bum. I'm curious as to how old you are and why you went to get one of these things in the first place. Glad to hear your okay in there!
Your post was very informative and entertaining at the same time.
Dec 4th, 2008 at 5:47 AM
hey JD,
In all seriousness, thanks for this post. I'm still a few years away from this dreaded event, but a year ago or so I looked into what was involved. I didn't know there was all the-day-before stuff. I thought one just went into the office and got stuck. Anyway, the medical descriptions I found were not nearly as informative (or entertaining) as your real life experience. Again, thanks.
~ Steve, aka the still under 50 trade show guru
PS. I was going to ask why you had it done if you were under 50, but then saw your comment above. Glad things were ruled out. Do you have to go back at 50, or are you good for a decade or so?
Steve | Trade Show Guru's last blog post..King Corn
Feb 19th, 2009 at 5:25 AM
I have to have my first colonoscopy Friday at noon and I'm only 22. I am not looking forward to it. I have to drink this shitty stuff that makes me have diarrhea all day long so I am going to be on the toilet today. I have to have it because I've been pooping red and my poops are big and large and they can stop up the toilet easily. I just can't wait for it to be over with because I am just going to come home Friday and rest all day long and do nothing.
Katie's last blog post..Colonoscopy
Feb 27th, 2009 at 8:39 AM
I just came across this as I am prepping for this. I had the trilyte for kicks (really to try to get things right). The elephant semen did not help. Tonight I get to take 32 pills (no exaggeration) instead of drinking. I also had a nice barium cocktail 2 weeks ago so I guess the pills are a reprieve. I too am 25 years old. I'll be ready for this agin when I turn 50. The prepping just sucks.
Mar 3rd, 2009 at 2:42 AM
This was a very informative post, if not overly descriptive, hah. I will be going in for my first colonoscopy and I had no idea what to expect. So you can imagine I definitely have a better understanding of it at this time. Thanks
Mar 26th, 2009 at 10:51 PM
this is GREAT! thanks for sharing and "passing" on your experience in such a colorful way! at 2 pm today i will start the "prep" for the procedure…. and i have some really soft TP!
pucker up!
Jun 23rd, 2009 at 11:54 AM
What about colon cleansing? I heard that over time helps prevent cancer, is that correct?
Jul 12th, 2009 at 1:10 AM
I found this site while looking up the directions for my husband's colonoscopy. Having lived through these myself too many times, (I have ulcerative colitis), I want to thank you for making me laugh. I have always said the prep is the worst and the magnesium is worse than the prep, I can never finish it. My dad and my husband both are guzzlers, so they get through the Colytely much easier than I but being men, they fear the procedure each and every time. I will have my husband read this tomorrow while he is guzzling just to get a chuckle. Thanks again. BTW, I average 5 pounds weight loss every time. Unfortunately, it's back by the time I eat again…
Sep 4th, 2009 at 10:34 AM
OMG! That's all I can say.
So glad to hear your colonial mucus is not abnormal.
Sep 9th, 2009 at 5:58 PM
Yeah, I'm waiting to get hooked up with a corporate sponsor. Nobody winds a camera through my internal parts unless I'm getting paid!
Although between us, now that the comments have died down, I have a biore-pore strip like curiosity over exactly how much would come out, should I have to do the prep.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..A celebration of my own labor =-.
Nov 1st, 2009 at 2:29 PM
I've had a colonoscopy too, due to UC. I found it stangely interesting being able to see up my own bum !
Dec 7th, 2009 at 6:57 PM
Thank you. Truly. I just drank my second bottle of mag cit and at 10 pm, I get to down 4 dulcolax. Still can't figure out why they want a sick mom to be up all night, but I'll follow their damn instructions.
Will I really not be able to drive for 12 hours?????
Feb 3rd, 2010 at 7:17 PM
This is hilarious, I'm actually sitting here chugging that vile mess right now, Orange flavor of course. I just read a blog from a woman who had a colonoscopy previously and the DR told her she could start sipping the stuff in the morning and slowly through the day as opposed to chugging it all at once and that it helped a lot. Good advice for next time but too late for me now. In reference to clear stool, and I don't mean to be vulgar but it's like peeing from your butt, it's kinda weird if you ask me, and when it's like just water coming out, yea it's totally random and weird and I have no desire to go through this stuff again. I'm not really nervous about the procedure other than the general embarrassment of having to pass gas in a room full of people. I've actually chosen my ride on the way home based on the fact that they will likely be there when I have to do it… ick embarrassing! I'm glad your procedure went well and I hope mine goes just as well. I'm only 24 WAY too young for this stuff!!
BTW having a cold and continual sneezing while you're bowels are on over drive, lmao, no fun!!
Thanks for this post a good way to pass the time while drinking this mess.
Mar 14th, 2010 at 1:05 PM
I had a colonoscopy for the first time a week ago.
There was probably no one more nervous than me as I am an anxious person to begin with.
Now a week later I can say I am soooo glad it is over and done with.All went well (just have a hemorrhoid which I knew about)
If I can offer my tip it would be to get the MoviPrep solution mix one liter with unsweetened ice tea and one with 1/2 strength Juicy Juice apple juice.Make sure you have the prep COLD and drink through a straw.
Take as long as you need to get through it.
The Office said I could do that and in between glasses I drank some flat gingerale to help the taste.
It worked well and I think the tea and the apple juice made the drink atleast bearable.
It's not a picnic at all but if you get some herb ox beef broth and some jello smacks to help too and use my tips you can deal with it.
The procedure was not as bad as I imagined.
I had a small amount of diprovan and so I nodded off but was awake a bit too and it was over pretty quick.
Go and have it done for peace of mind.
I can go back in 5 years..
Mar 15th, 2010 at 12:24 PM
This REALLY made me LOL. I'm in my early 20′s and will be having an upper endoscopy and colonscopy in a couple days. I was searching for tricks to make that disgusting "elephant semen" taste better, but I could not. I was going to choose pineapple, but I may rethink that now. I am going to read this again when I'm going through the laxative process (can't wait) because it is sooo funny! Thanks for the post, hope everythings okay with you!
Mar 15th, 2010 at 7:24 PM
You're welcome JD.
Glad you liked my tips. The only thing I didn't do that the Doctor said was also good was to have some Lemon ice after each cup (but I did the flat gingerale instead)
Anyway you slice it a colonoscopy is quite the experience-that is for sure!! I think I forgot to mention with the prep my stomach felt like the Amazon river was in it..and then the Nile flowed in.
Gurgling all night long.
Just remember it's only a short time then you are back to normal
Apr 12th, 2010 at 9:57 PM
Hi everyone. I have been putting this off for 12 yrs. I am now 62. I still can't bring myself to getting one. I am scared to death of this procedure. Why the go lytly stuff? I have heard of people taking the Miralx in 64 ounces of liquid. There is no taste with this or the pills that have no taste. You don't mention anything about anyone taking a different course of prep here. Is there anything that will keep one from vomiting up this stuff? Scarey. I have irritable bowel, don't think that would help one bit. Had two children and I would rather face a baby than this. I hope I can change my mind but so far not.
May 20th, 2010 at 1:50 PM
Thanks so much for your account of the colonoscopy, or rather the prep beforehand. I've got to go through this soon, just waiting for a date after having a camera that only went 'so far' showed some inflammation. They're looking to diagnose colitis when they do the colonoscopy. I'd heard about the joys of the prep beforehand and so had a little search for experiences and came across yours. I can't tell you how much I giggled at the 'elephant semen' hmmm, can't wait! I've got a fairly good sense of humour and have already got some soft wet wipes and stack of magazines and a pillow to lean my head against the wall when I'm on the loo. My 5 year old will be told that mummy is decorating the bathroom so she'll have to use the little loo downstairs. Glad all was well with you. I already know I have a problem, probably colitis, but am hopeful I'll get a diagnosis and treatment which will make life better for me. My colonoscopy is due in about 3-4 weeks time and I'm 39.
Jun 25th, 2010 at 6:09 AM
Hi, I'm back after my colonoscopy and diagnosis.
Firstly the prep beforehand….an absolute breeze. I found it all incredibly easy. I'd got the baby wipes, a word search book, a carton of apple juice to take a sip after the glass of 'stuff'. I had to take a sachet of Citrafleet at 2pm..easy and a pleasant taste and then I waited for almost 2 hours before it started to take effect. At 5pm I had to start preparing the first sachet of the bowel cleanse stuff and I had to drink a glass full every 10-15 minutes. I hate drinking ice cold drinks so mine was tepid and i drank it through a straw. It did have a salty taste but it also had a vanilla after taste and I followed it quickly by a swig of the apple juice which took the taste away immediately. I had about 9 glasses of the stuff and it worked after 1 hour and 10 mins after taking the prep. I was able to move around the house easily and didn't feel I had to stay in the bathroom ALL the time. The effect started at about 7pm and it seemed to be over with by about 8.30-9pm. But I did have to get up in the night once and in the morning I had to go again. I was fine on the trip over to the hospital, but VERY nervous.
On arriving at the hospital I waited for about 20 minutes then was shown into a ward where I fell apart emotionally. I'd been worried about the result I'd get and had held it together in front of the children but sitting in that little cubicle and getting into the hospital gown seemed to be the turning point and I just cried. A very nice nurse came and talked to me and allowed my hubby to come in and sit with me until it was time to go down for my colonoscopy.
I went down and they sorted out the canular (IV line thing) into the crook of my arm. The consultant then came in said he was going to have a good look at my bowel and it all started very quickly.
I have to be honest here and say it was painful. I was moaning and crying with the pain BUT it was manageable, just, and it didn't take long. I didn't feel sedated at all. I was aware of the several biopsies taken as the consultant was saying 'open', 'close' and I felt a small sensation that was not at all painful. As soon as they were done the pain went away and I was wheeled back to the ward. I asked straight away if there was any tumour or cancer and the answer was 'no'.
The consultant was very aware of how painful I found it and explained that 10% of people do find it painful and that I had a sensitive bowel.
He had found some mild inflammation.
I went back to the cubicle and a nurse came and hooked me up to the blood pressure monitor and let me rest for about 15 minutes and then brought me a lovely cup of tea and a few biscuits..I was so hungry!
My husband was then allowed back in and we chatted for a few minutes and then the consultant came to the bed and drew me a little diagram showing me where the inflammation was and said he'd see me in 2 weeks time and explain more. At this time no medication was given as they had to get the result of the biopsies back first.
The let me go home after about 30 minutes which flew by. I got home, my hubby went out to get some fish and chips….which I was really craving. I ate some of that and then just watched TV feeling absolutely fine. A couple of hours later I did the food shopping online and ate dinner as usual and everything felt normal. I did feel very slightly woozy but not in an unpleasant way and not enough to make me feel really sleepy. I wasn't sure if that was the sedation or the lack of food the day before and the worry.
Apparently you're not supposed to be left alone for 24 hours after sedation, but I felt fine and my hubby took our youngest child to school so I was alone for all of 20 minutes. By this time I felt back to normal and relieved it was all over.
Fast forward to yesterday (2 weeks after the colonoscopy) I had my follow-up appointment with the same consultant. My biopsies confirmed that I had mild ulcerative colitis. I've been put on 2g of Pentasa (4 tablets per day). These should ease the inflammation, lengthen my time in remission from flare-ups and lessen the effects of the flare-ups when they happen. Everything was explained carefully. I asked about whether I should avoid certain foods and whether pro-biotic yoghurts help or not. I was told that they wouldn't hurt and that some people find them beneficial.
I have a follow up appointment to see how the medication is going in another 8 weeks time. I also asked about the colonoscopy and why it was painful. He checked the amount of sedation I'd had…quite a hefty dose apparently, but he also said that as i was SO nervous it might have lessened the effect. he also said that some people have 1 painful colonoscopy and then go on to have others that are much less painful. I asked when the next one would be. He said in 10 years time unless something changed.
So there you go, I found the prep an absolute breeze. I found the colonoscopy painful. BUT it's well worth it to get a diagnosis and the right treatment. I'd go and do it again tomorrow if I had to. Even though it was painful it really doesn't last long AT ALL and as soon as it's over it's fine. I was smiling within a couple of minutes even with my experience.
If anyone has symptoms they feel aren't right, then go and get them checked out. I didn't go for 3 YEARS! Even though I knew things weren't right. it was always at the back of my mind even after a flare up had gone away. I'm so relieved now to be on the right track. the peace of mind I have now is SO worth the few minutes of pain…and anyway 90% of people find colonoscopies to be a breeze.
Good luck to anyone else going through this. The worry was the worst part by a long way.
love to you all
Jun 25th, 2010 at 6:18 AM
I should have made it clearer that my hubby took our youngest to school the next morning when the effects of the sedation were well and truly wearing off. My colonoscopy appointment had been at 11am the previous day.
I'll check back occasionally, if anyone has any questions about my experience ask away.
A big thanks to JD for providing a platform to discuss this stuff.
Oct 15th, 2010 at 11:21 AM
I am so glad you had the colonoscopy so I didn't have to I'll make sure to let my doctor know when I turn 50 that you already did it for me.
Nov 11th, 2010 at 2:14 AM
I came across your blog as I was googlong stuff on my iPhone while on the toilet. It made me laugh while I was "peeing out my butt" and the great rivers of Africa and South America magically converged in my abdomen (referencing the comment someone else alluded to). All of these experiences descibed by others has helped me get through this evening as I've been on bathroom lockdown.
In retrospect, I think the liquid diet was nothing compared to the awful "elephant semen" (which made me gag and throw up a little a few times).
I am not looking forward to farting in front of people tomorrow.
Anyway, so two years later….things haven't changed much at all. I will have to write here again after I get done with the procedure tomorrow.
Dec 3rd, 2010 at 7:59 PM
I had one last year. Best part was farting on the nurses, and they said it was fine.
I can't even smell pineapple since then, though.
I did ask the doctors for copies of the colonoscopy for my Christmas cards, but they wouldn't give them to me.
Glad you came through it fine.
.-= actubuzz videos humour´s last blog ..Jean Claude Van Damme frappe un caméraman Gillette =-.
Dec 26th, 2010 at 3:36 PM
Hyper and scared about my procedure tomorrow, I really needed the humor. Thanks.
Dec 26th, 2010 at 10:17 PM
I am about to do the prep tonight, but I do not have to do it for a procedure, I only have to do it to get cleaned out Unfortunately, I have a very bad problem with constipation and I also have been on pain meds for many years, so that makes it even worse! I already take Miralax twice a day, but unfortunately it hasn't been enough. I started taking Colace, but the dr. told me to stop, as it is not good for me. The reason I am doing this tonight is because I have been feeling very sick lately and it is most likely because I am so "backed up."
I really liked this article…it made me laugh, but I sorta feel her pain, too…I've had a colonoscopy in the past already, so I've been through this whole ordeal as well. The only bad thing was that it was all for nothing…the "special prep solutions" didn't work to clean me out like they were meant to do. I ended up getting another procedure done…it was even worse! (can't think of the name of it)
Anyways, I was trying to find out what flavor I should put in my jug of "elephant semen" before I go to town on it, lol. I already know Pineapple is out of the scenario. My daughter is telling me to use Lemon-Lime, but I'm thinking "NOT"….I'm thinking maybe Orange? or Cherry? Maybe those would be the strongest flavors? haha! Wishful thinking. Well, I better get busy…or it's gonna be a long night!
Mar 27th, 2011 at 7:04 PM
Thanks to you I knew what to expect the day before and the day of my colonoscopy. What I wasn't prepared for was the sight of one of my neighbors (and one I'm not very fond of) assisting the nurse. Well, wasn't that a special moment we just shared. Thank you for making me laugh.
Apr 5th, 2011 at 1:48 PM
Next time…for those of us over 50 who endure this crap every couple of years….only put 1/2 the water in the jug(with the lemon-lime) and buy a 2 liter bottle of 7-up. Pour half a glass of the ill gotten elephant semen and fill up the rest of the glass with the cold 7-up. Also, start earlier in the day if you your colonoscopy is the following morning…you will get some sleep. It was actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Susan´s last blog post ..I AM 50 so you don't have to be
May 15th, 2011 at 1:57 PM
OMG- I giggled through this entire article. I'm in the process now of cleaning out my colon. What a great giggle! Elephant semen…
May 15th, 2011 at 2:04 PM
Why do you have to drink this stuff so fast? It's gross! Can't I just gag and sip, gag and sip? Throwing it down my throat is what's making me sick- I dont like sweet things too much. I don't drink soda or even sugar in my coffee. This stuff is beyond gross… Come on baby, work! Damn it, work! I want to be done. T minus 18 hours remaining. I think we should get the sedative the day before.
May 19th, 2011 at 2:11 PM
Thank you so much for this article; I laughed hysterically (which is much needed because I am sooooo hungry).
Susan thanks for the tip.
Jun 17th, 2011 at 4:08 PM
thanks for your hysterical article on colonoscopies. I have to have one done and aren't afraid of the procedure; it's the fasting I'm nervous about but if a lot of people have it done, so can I.
Jul 14th, 2011 at 4:01 AM
It's 3:45am and I just finished the last 8oz. of the Trilyte…. Suggestion, mix it at room temperature with bottled water (about 8 – 16.9oz. bottles fills up the jug, so shake it well at half full. Put in rest and shake). Don't throw away the empty water bottles. Get some Crystal Lite (lemon flavor only – doesn't matter if it is sugar-free or not) in the little pour in the bottle packets and do just that. Pour one Crystal Lite packet into each empty bottle. Pour the Trilyte formula into each bottle and shake then cap it. Chill them for at least 5 hours. This makes them MUCH easier to handle taste-wise. Drink half of a bottle every 15 minutes until you are through 5 of the bottles. Save the other 3 for your early morning prep. Make sure to drink plenty of clear liquids in-between 8oz doses. One, it keeps you hydrated and two, all the fluids pass through you faster. Use vaseline if your rearend gets chaffed and you can suck on hard candy to to get that taste out of your mouth.
Some friendly advise from someone who's been there. By the way, anticipation of drinking the prep is what psyches you out. It isn't as bad as you think it will be! =o)
Good luck!
Jul 25th, 2011 at 5:46 AM
Great article. I will have colonoscopy for 3 days. Mayby I survive
Kamil Lipski´s last blog post ..Bank Repo Cars For Sale
Feb 1st, 2012 at 5:33 PM
I'm having the procedure done in two days. I have been really nervous about it until I got to the part where you said "Blam! I was out!" That made me feel better! I may be considered clinically to be "lightly sedated" but if my experience is unconsciousness, I'm cool with it!
Mar 12th, 2012 at 1:36 AM
I have one of these tomorrow and all jokes aside
that liquid shit they give you to drink taste like warm baby drool with a small hint of lemon extract. it doesn't change cold, hot.. its just gross.
and god i want a cupcake
Apr 26th, 2012 at 1:24 PM
I get my colonoscopy in 5 days and I was a bit nervous until I read your article. I now have tears of laughter running down my face! Thank you for writing this!
May 1st, 2012 at 9:24 PM
I just had my second colonoscopy. The exam is easy, but my first one was done with conscious sedation (Versed and fentanyl) and they never mentioned that the Versed is given to cause amnesia…weeks after the exam, the Versed caused me to forget my PIN numbers, kids birthdays and to experience PTSD. The so-called "conscious sedation" was awful; it's what most people get and some think that they slept thru the test..actually they have creepy amnesia and it maybe long-lasting. 2 days ago I had my repeat colonoscopy without sedation; initially they tried to bully me into signing a sedation consent but I refused. Then they tell me that most docs and nurses at the endo center get their colonoscopies unsedated; they try to push sedation on patients because the exam goes faster…and they don't concern themselves with the patient after the test (if you signed a sedation consent, they are off the hook). Such callous attitudes. My colonoscopy was incomplete because of suboptimal prep; the GI doc called and told me to reschedule ASAP… I'll never go back because of the dishonesty regarding the sedation.
Sep 12th, 2012 at 11:31 PM
So funny! Thanks…its midnight and I still need to drink this stuff._
Dec 19th, 2012 at 7:37 PM
My colonoscopy was no fun, had to walk around like I was riding a horse for three days Yahoo Fantasy Football Rankings
Feb 19th, 2013 at 3:22 AM
I did the two-day fast (2½ before the procedure, I was starving!) and went for the colonoscopy. I was given Klean-Prep to take, a "wonderful" drink that contains propylene glycol, an industrial lubricant used in motor manufacturing and the Titan nuclear missile (I kid you not). This stuff tastes like cloudy water "with a hint of egg-custard", is revolting as it sounds, and I had to drink 4 litres (around 7 pints) of it! Yuck!
The procedure didn't go well as they couldn't get the camera far enough in (or up)… I was awake THE WHOLE TIME! The reassuring "You're doing very well" from the kindly nurse didn't really help. You missed out on the interesting part – watching your insides as someone tries to drive something that feels like a tractor through you!
I am currently getting through prep for a CT scan – only two glasses of laxative to drink, and it's lemon flavored (Mmmmm). Hopefully, they will be able to determine what, if anything, is amiss tomorrow!
Mar 21st, 2013 at 9:10 PM
laughed so hard I cried. thanks for sharing. I'm getting ready to drink my 2nd round. wish me luck!
Aug 22nd, 2013 at 5:37 AM
just drank my second round gagging and crying as this is my second colonoscopy in 2 months (couldnt get all the way around the first time) – at least you made me laugh. thank you! this will be i think my seventh or eighth colonoscopy – i have lost count over the years and i started at the age of 33 as my bowel keeps trying to kill me by growing very nasty polyps. i am sad yo say that the prep just gets harder every time
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I wasn't sure if y'all would be interested in this, but I was playing with it myself and thought some of you are well-informed enough about such things and might have a "winning" opinion.
What's Your Oscar Vote?
Click on: www.netflix.com/Oscars
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Predict the Oscar Winners
Posted by Rubin at 5:26 PM


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Hornady Manufacturing has taken cartridge case cleaning to the next level with the new Lock-N-Load Sonic Cleaner. A combination of intense ultrasonic cleaning action and a unique cleaning solution, One Shot Sonic Clean, provide an extremely effective and efficient method to remove carbon residue and other foreign materials from the entire case. Unlike tumblers, this sonic cleaner quickly cleans the inside of the case as well as primer pockets. The ultrasonic action creates microjets that blast carbon buildup off cases, small gun parts and equipment. The Lock-N-Load Sonic Cleaner can hold up to two hundred .223 cases or one hundred .308 cases. No other cleaning tool on the market even comes close.
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lol at phaggots claiming that the loss will be a huge set back for Overeem and how he should be more humble ....lol wat
He just got a bit careless like Ali/Frazier 1 but his confidence is impetuous, his defense is impregnable, and he's just ferocious.
u mad he's unarguably MUCH more talented than big foot and is gonna come back and beat the living **** out of that retard (srs)
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The end of year tournament has been set.
The following links are to the brackets for the end of year tournament. Please go to your age group to view game schedule and time.
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The Denver Broncos may run their offense out of a Pop Warner playbook, but it's hard to deny its effectiveness. As they get ready to host the New York Jets on Thursday, they have gone 3-1 since Tim Tebow was given control of the "offense." Tebow attempted just eight passes in Sunday's win and has completed just 12 passes in his past two games, but still has seven touchdown passes and just one interception.
The Jets are coming off a game in which their defense faced 39 pass attempts. Tom Brady ended up passing for 329 yards and three touchdowns and the Patriots won 37-16, despite the Jets holding them to 60 yards rushing.
That rushing total was definitely a positive sign for the Jets, as they had entered the game struggling against the run. Even after that performance, their 116.0 average rushing yards allowed ranks just 15th in the league. The Broncos, meanwhile, have been rushing for a NFL-best 246.0 yards per game since Week 8.
Game Date/Time: Thursday, Nov. 17, 8:20 p.m. ET
Location: Sports Authority Field at Mile High, Denver
TV Schedule
National: NFL Network
Spread: Jets favored by 5 (Over/under: 40.5)
TV Distribution Map: The506.com
Radio Schedule
Jets: 1050 ESPN
Broncos: 850 KOA
For more insight and analysis, be sure to check out Jets blog Gang Green Nation and Broncos blog Mile High Report. Follow the rest of Week 11 of the NFL season at SB Nation NFL.


text:
535: It Might Be Cool
|It Might Be Cool
Title text: 'And ovaries. Man, ovaries, huh?' [awkward pause] '... faithfully.'
[edit] Explanation
On January 20, 2009 the inauguration of Barack Obama's first office took place. Chief Justice John Roberts, who was administering the oath, made a mistake while reciting the words. This comic references the event and exaggerates the deviation from the oath for comedic purposes.
In truth, the error was much smaller: the oath as prescribed in the constitution is:
- I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.
Due to a missed memo on the pauses planned by the Chief Justice, Obama inadvertently interrupted Roberts during the first phrase. Roberts, who was not using notes, rendered the next phrase as "that I will execute the office of president to the United States faithfully," misplacing the word faithfully and saying president to instead of president of. Obama repeated, "that I will execute", then paused. Roberts attempted to correct the wording, but stumbled: "the off— faithfully the pres— the office of President of the United States." Obama then repeated Roberts' initial incorrect wording.
[edit] Transcript
- [Cueball is administering the presidential oath to a friend.]
- Cueball: You know, it might be cool to be a woman.
- Friend: It... might be cool to be a woman?
- Cueball: Yeah, but the menstruation thing is freaky.
- Friend: Yeah, but... the, um. What?
- Turns out I'm even worse at administering the presidential oath than John Roberts.


text:
Commonwealth of Massachusetts
A Proclamation
His Excellency Governor Deval L. Patrick
Whereas Classics is the branch of humanities comprised of languages, literature, art, philosophy, history, archaeology and other culture of the ancient Mediterranean civilization, particularly Ancient Rome and Ancient Greece; and
Whereas The Classical languages of Latin and Greek form the foundation of the English language and the romantic dialects; and
Whereas The core curriculum of classics utilizes the study of Greek, Latin, or the Classical tradition and provides a deeper insight into the origins of grammar, syntax, style and the heritage of Western communication by students; and
Whereas Modern society is indebted to the ancient civilizations of Greece and Rome for their lasting influence on our languages, laws, literature, government, and the arts; and
Whereas Massachusetts encourages its students to study and explore the Classics' as a way to better understand and value world history and modern culture,
Now, Therefore, I, Deval L. Patrick, Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, do hereby proclaim April 15th – 21st, 2012, to be
Massachusetts Classics Week
And urge all the citizens of the Commonwealth to take cognizance of this event and participate fittingly in its observance.
Given at the Executive Chamber in Boston, this twelfth day of April, in the year two thousand and twelve, and of the Independence of the United States of America, the two hundred and thirty-fifth.
By His Excellency
Deval L. Patrick
Governor of the Commonwealth
William Francis Galvin
Secretary of the Commonwealth
God Save the Commonwealth of Massachusetts


text:
Police: Whales' tails not for sale
Updated On: Aug 31 2013 04:44:03 PM EDT
You have seen them driving on Interstate 89 Northbound coming into Burlington, but recently, police said someone adorned two granite whales' tails with a "For Sale" sign.
State police said someone put the sign on the "Reverence" sculpture with a phone number registered to the City of Burlington.
According to the website of the sculpture's artist, Jim Sardonis, "Reverence" was created in 1989 and "represents two tails of whales diving into an imaginary sea of grass."
The public art sits on land owned by the Vermont Technology Park in South Burlington immediately next to the interstate.
The sculpture nor the land around it are for sale, police said.
Police said they are actively investigating the hoax. Anyone with information is asked to call police at 802-878-7111.
Copyright 2013 by Hearst Television. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.


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Humidity 61%
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Jun 26, 2012 11:47 AM by MTN News
BOZEMAN - The 2,250-acre Bear Trap Fire is believed to have been caused by fireworks.
Madison County officials say there is a person of interest. Reports indicate the fire was started by people using fireworks across from Warm Springs boat entry.
On Monday, two helicopters and 25 engines responded to the fire along Norris Road near the Bear Trap Canyon. Between 75 to 80 responders were on the fire, which is burning in very rough terrain.
The fire is burned from Bear Trap Canyon towards Cherry Creek.
Officials said Monday that winds were so strong in the area and the fire is moving so fast that it is dangerous for crews to get out in front of it, so they are fighting it from the sides and from above. High winds are expected again today.
"You know, a fire like this, in this kind of terrain, we're not going to get a handle on it. When the weather starts to cooperate, we'll do better then, but right now it's too dangerous to get in front of it, so we're coming in from behind or from the side and we're working it from the air. We're not going to risk anybody for the vegetation up there," Steve Digiovanna of Madison County Emergency Services said Monday.
The fire started at 11:30 a.m. on Monday, June 25 and burned straight up some vertical slopes and was then carried across the ridgelines by winds gusting to 40 MPH, according to Madison County.
The fire burned close to several structures and threatened one home near Trappers Creek Campground, across from Red Mountain Campground.
Units from Gallatin County, Madison County and Three Forks responded to the incident. There were approximately 25 engines and fire units on the scene, Gallatin and Madison County Sheriff's Office and two helicopters from DNRC.
At that time, the fire subsided slightly but is still burning actively in some areas. The fire is expected to rebuild again today with the forecast of even stronger winds.
12 hours ago


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Rebels kill 4 in attack on Kenya police postAugust 17, 2013 @ 3:33 am
NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) - Militants believed to be from Somalia's Islamic extremist group al-Shabab killed at least 4 police in an attack on a police post near the Somalia border, an official said Saturday.
About 40 armed extremists on Friday night raided a police post in Galmagalla village, a remote area that has poor communications infrastructure, said Rashid Khattor, the commissioner for Garissa county in Kenya's north east.
"We have alerted all units of our security personnel including (the Kenyan military) to immediately respond to the attack," he said.
He said a local chief and a school teacher were wounded in the cross-border attack.
Somalia's Islamic extremist network al-Shabab claimed responsibility in updates on Twitter, saying its fighters killed five police and seized dozens of weapons and communication equipment. The militants claimed they had burned down the police post before retreating back to Somali territory.
Al-Shabab has staged many attacks inside Kenya in retaliation for the Kenyan government's decision in Oct. 2011 to send troops into Somalia to battle the rebels. The Kenyan government sent troops there after several cross-border attacks and kidnappings of foreign tourists.
Although the al-Qaida-linked militants have been greatly weakened since African Union troops pushed them out of Mogadishu, they are still able to operate in remote parts of Somalia and launch targeted attacks that kill and wound many civilians.
(Copyright 2013 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)
Trial Beginning
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Hive Madness | Apis mellifera
We're rapidly running out of winter,
and a summer squadron flies
out of the past like a mirage,
soundless wings beating with hive madness.
Wild Light Post: http://www.bugdreams.com/archives/hive-madness/
The western honey bee or European honey bee is a species of honey bee. The genus ''Apis'' is Latin for "bee", and ''mellifera'' comes from Greek ''melli-'' "honey" and ''ferre'' "to bear"—hence the scientific name means "honey-bearing bee". The name was coined in 1758 by Carolus Linnaeus who, upon realizing the bees do not bear honey, but nectar, tried later to correct it to ''Apis mellifica'' in a subsequent publication. However, according to the rules of synonymy in zoological nomenclature,.. more
Similar species: Wasps, Bees, Sawflies And Ants
By Rick Lieder
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: Netherlands
Student Population
: Europe
ArtEZ Institute of the Arts is one of the major arts educational institutes in the Netherlands It not only comprises a broad range of BachelorÃĒÂŽ "!s and MasterÃĒÂŽ "!s courses in the fine arts, fashion, design, architecture, music, dance and drama but also creates an opportunity for interdisciplinary collaboration. With approximately 3,000 students and 850 teachers and other staff members, the Institute provides education in Arnhem, Enschede and Zwolle. The Board of Governors and the auxiliary departments are concentrated in Arnhem. Talented arts students from the Netherlands and abroad fulfil their potential at ArtEZ. Originality, passion, a strong-minded attitude and considerable determination are essential here. The students are supervised by teachers, who have clearly proven their worth in the professional field. The quality of our education is reflected in the recognition it has received both at a national and an international level. Exceptional locations The ArtEZ course locations comprise a number of extraordinary buildings with workshops for audio-visual productions, computers, photography, graphics, wood, ceramics, plastics, metal and silk-screening along with dance, music and theatre studios. In addition, there are professional exhibition spaces, theatres and concert auditoria where teachers and students can present their work. Inspiration: ArtEZ provides many opportunities for collaboration between the various arts disciplines: fashion designers who create theatrical costumes, composers who write film scores, music students who work with choreographers, etcetera. Studying at ArtEZ means looking beyond your own arts course. You will be inspired by whatÃĒÂŽ "!s going on around you, which includes fine art, music, dance and film. Research and Theory ArtEZ attaches great importance to research and theory in the arts. We have four associate professorships: Fashion Design, Art, Culture & Economy, Theory in the Arts and Art Education. ArtEZ also has its own publishing house. The books issued by ArtEZ Press promote research and the development of theory within the various disciplines of arts education. Throughout the academic year, dAcapo-ArtEZ, the ArtEZ Studium Generale series of topical arts events, organises programmes on art, scholarship and social issues. dAcapo-ArtEZ also produces publications on theory development.


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Contact Name Phil and Peggy Lodholtz - Owners
Address23680 US Highway 10
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local checks only
Certified Mechanics
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Year Established: 1980
Languages: English