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When Friends Turn to Foes
Written on December 3, 2014 at 10:00 am , by Rosalind Wiseman
Two's company and three can be a crowd when it comes to tween girls and friendships. So how can a mom help her daughter smooth things over when an expanding circle of friendship starts to wreak havoc? Our parenting expert Rosalind Wiseman received an email from a worried mother dealing with just such a dilemma. Here's Rosalind's advice for keeping the peace.
Dear Rosalind,
My 8-year-old daughter (I'll call her Alexa) has known another 8-year-old girl (let's call her Becky) since they were 4 and they've gone to the same school. Last year a new girl (let's call her Jamie) came in halfway through the year and my daughter befriended her. Jamie has a difficult home situation and lives with her great-grandmother. Sadly, Becky is one of several people—including Becky's overprotective mom—who don't like Jamie and are giving my daughter a very hard time over the friendship. They've begun excluding Alexa. Becky used to cling to Alexa like glue and Alexa never pushed her away. I can't understand why this girl has become so unkind to my daughter.
As hard as this is to believe, I'd bet any amount of money that the overprotective mom thinks she's in the right—that in her mind she has a perfectively justified reason for supporting her daughter (Becky) in excluding your daughter's (Alexa's) new friend. So let go of "understanding" this woman's perspective or why her daughter can't accept the new friendship and focus on supporting your daughter and her new friend.
The only time I would talk to the nasty mom is if she confronts you or something happens between the girls that necessitates you speak with her. If that does happen, I'd say to her, "My daughter likes this new girl and we support the friendship. Our daughters don't have to be friends, but I would like your support in allowing the girls to go their separate ways without being hurtful to each other." Then get ready for this woman to be defensive or tell you the reasons why the new girl is a bad influence. Don't get sucked in. The most you should say in response is, "That's not been my or my daughter's experience with this girl and I hope you would respect that."
You also need to talk to your daughter. Tell her that you're disappointed that her old friend isn't being nice to her or the new girl. Maybe she'll turn around one day but for right now, ask your daughter to give her some space until she can be a good friend.
If the old friend continues to be mean to her or the new girl, she needs to tell you and/or the person she thinks is the smartest adult at school what's happening. But at base, this is an opportunity for your daughter to learn an important lesson from you: Sometimes good friends do things that make it impossible to continue the friendship for right now. Maybe later things will change. But in the present, it's important to have friendships with people you actually like who allow you to be friends with others as well.
How would you handle a girl (and her mom) putting friendship pressure on your child? Post a comment and tell me.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email firstname.lastname@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens, School | Tags:
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Putting an End to Negative Self-Talk in Kids
Written on November 11, 2014 at 5:51 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
A little negativity can go a long way. So when you've got a kid who is constantly down on himself, getting him to listen to a positive perspective can seem like an impossible task. A few days ago, the following email from a parent with just this problem landed in the inbox of our parenting expert, Rosalind Wiseman. Here's her advice for silencing negative self-talk.
Q. My 10 year-old son has such a defeatist attitude. He's always saying, "I'm no good at this or I'm no good at that." His so-called teammates and friends blame him when they lose games and they never invite him to anything after school. I always struggle to think of the right things to say that my son will actually take to heart. How can I help him?
A. I understand how frustrating this is for so many parents. You feel like there's nothing you can say to make it better. And if you don't say, "No honey, you're great!" you worry that it sounds like you agree with him. So here are my suggestions.
1. Stop using "You're so great" as your go-to response. It comes across as not listening to your child. Instead, what I find more helpful is to say something like this:
You: I'm really sorry. Will you tell me a little more about why you're feeling this way? Are there specific things you're feeling down about?
Your child: I'm so slow. I get teased all the time because I'm the slowest kid in the world. No one has ever been as slow as me in the history of my school.
You: Wow, that's really hard. I can imagine how annoying that is because it's not like you want to be slow, and then the kids who tease you make it even worse. There are a couple of things I want you to just consider, not necessarily agree with, but just consider. No one can be good at everything. But the same is true the other way. No one is bad at everything either. I want to make a list of the things you're good at and the things you're not so good at. Then you can choose if you want to work on something on your list you want to get better at. Like if you want to get better at running, you can work on that.
2. Consider who's inspiring these comments. Since classmates or other kids on the team are feeding negative comments to your kid, you might add something like this:
"I know it's a lot to think about but I want to talk about what's happening with your friends too. If other kids are mean to you, there are two ways I think you can handle it. Maybe you can think of more. You can laugh it off. Like, if kids on the basketball or track team are teasing you because you're not as fast as them, you could say: 'Yes, I'm really slow.' Sometimes admitting it takes away some of the teasers' power. Or you could choose not to run in any races or play in any games until you feel more confident. What do you think is a good way to handle it?"
Then listen to your child as he thinks through what he wants to do to have a little control and dignity in this situation.
3. Think about the benefits of being left out here. On the issue of those boys not inviting your son to things: take a step back. I know it feels bad when other children don't include your child. However, in this case, do you want your son to be in a situation where they could easily ridicule him under the guise of joking around and playing? Overall, what he needs to do is work on the things he identifies for himself that he wants to get better at and then choose genuine friends who make him feel good instead of tearing him down. Even having one friend who treats him well is way better than hanging out with a group of kids who make him feel bad.
How would you handle a kid who's down on himself? Post a comment and tell me.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email firstname.lastname@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens | Tags:
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When Dads Need Help Understanding Tween Girls
Written on November 3, 2014 at 10:24 am , by Rosalind Wiseman
Carpools are supposed to make everyone's lives easier, but this one ride may have caused more trouble than it was worth. Check out our parenting expert Rosalind Wiseman's correspondence with a mom who was upset by a dad who made her daughter feel like an outsider.
Dear Rosalind,
The father on carpool duty picked up my daughter and his from dance class and then took them to a party my daughter wasn't invited to. When he dropped his daughter off, the windows opened, everyone saw my girl and she was humiliated. She is rightfully questioning whether this girl is a thoughtful friend, while I'm left wondering how to talk to the parents about this so the same situation doesn't happen again. It's hard enough to navigate new friendships and the party circuit without parents undermining your kid.
Disappointed by Carpool Dad
Hi, Disappointed,
I am not excusing his behavior, but I always try to understand why a parent would do something that's insensitive to a child. Once I understand it, it's easier to figure out how to talk to the parent so it doesn't happen again.
In this case, I am guessing that the dad didn't have a clue what was going on until it was unfolding. Even if he did, he probably did what a lot of us do in awkward social situations: pretend it's not happening. Think about it from his perspective. He's picking up carpool and when he realizes that your daughter isn't invited, he's between a rock and a hard place. If he had called you from the car, that would have been worse for your daughter. If he hadn't put her in his car, he would have had to leave her at practice. So my question to you is: What would you have liked him to do?
And regarding your daughter's friends who attended the party, unless they've been excluding her in other ways, they could have felt awkward about the whole thing too. I totally understand that your daughter felt terrible and left out. However, I think this is one of those times (unless there is a pattern where the girls are being mean to her) when you acknowledge how crappy the situation is but she's strong enough to feel those bad feelings, admit them and then move on.
Look forward to hearing back from you and I hope at least some of my advice is helpful.
Dear Rosalind:
Ideally, I would have liked the father to bring my daughter home before dropping off his daughter at the party. We have seven elementary schools that feed into three middle schools, so there are new faces right now, and new friendships forming/shifting. My daughter was upset not to be invited, but not devastated. She didn't think much of her friend going on and on about the party in the carpool ride. She interpreted that as rudeness and thought her friend should know better. She was most embarrassed by being seen in the car by friends she did know who were already at the party. She hasn't let it bother her since and has moved on—a good sign.
Anyway, I resolved this with the parents, by text, and I'll paraphrase.
Me: With that party, last week was rough on my daughter, so just wanted to let you know that it's not a problem to shoot me a text or call, even last minute, if it's not convenient to bring her home, or if plans change, it's easy for me to come down to the dance studio. I know how quickly plans change with tweens on a Friday evening!
Other mom: I'm so sorry about that. I was away when the last minute request came for my daughter to go to the party and I was trying to communicate everything to my husband but was busy and didn't think about all the implications.
Me: I absolutely know there was no ill intention, just wanted us all on the same page for the carpool to work for all the girls.
Now, here's my bottom line after the back-and-forth with this mom: What I love about this parent is that she's role modeling appropriate involvement in her tween daughter's life. She recognizes her daughter was upset but not devastated. She reaches out to the other parent to share her concern but is clear about wanting to move forward for all the girls. The only thing I would like even more is if the dad was involved as well. We need to bring dads into these situations more often, especially when they are directly involved, as this dad was. I get that this can be hard, but I'd like to encourage dads to be involved in the social dynamics that can come up.
How would you handle this carpool conundrum? Post a comment and tell me.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email firstname.lastname@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens | Tags: carpool, friends, friendship, Parenting, tweens
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What's Up with Your Son and His Sneaker Obsession?
Written on October 7, 2014 at 1:06 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
When little boys get into their first superhero costume, magic occurs. They know they have super powers. They think they can fly, bend steel and outrun the wind. A few years later, when it dawns on boys that maybe their Batman capes don't give them these powers, they seek out something else. Sneakers.
A boy's love affair with his "kicks" is intense. If you've ever seen a boy lace up his new sneakers (that word moms usually use) and run around the shoe store, you know what I mean. In the right pair, boys believe they will jump higher and run faster. You can see it in the gleam in their eyes—they are invincible.
But there's nothing new about shoes being a big deal for boys. From Vans to PF Flyers to Chuck Taylors ("Chucks"), shoes matter. The love of kicks is deep. And for this generation of boys, it's basketball shoes.
The first Air Jordans came onto the market in 1985, right after Michael Jordan first laced up those black-and-red shoes to match the colors of the Chicago Bulls. David Stern, the NBA commissioner at the time, fined Jordan five thousand dollars each time he stepped out on the court because his shoes didn't have enough white on them. There was nothing David Stern could have done to make Michael Jordan or his shoes look cooler. Jordan was breaking the rules and he looked good doing it.
But why else are shoes such a big deal for boys?
Shoes are the fashion choice that all boys can participate in without being teased. When you go with your son to a store like Foot Locker and the salesperson in that black-and-white striped shirt comes over to your son, what does he ask? Does he ask what size shoe your son wears? No. The smart ones say, "Hey, man, what are your colors?" What other article of clothing could that happen with? Where else could that question be asked without drawing embarrassment from your kid?
The last time I went with my sons, I had a hard time holding back my laughter as I listened to their intense discussion with the salesman. I watched them wander in front of the wall of shoes, saw their intense gaze and subsequent handling of the shoes while they each stared off visualizing their future greatness on the basketball court. The entire thing was completely ridiculous—a fact that I kept to myself.
What isn't ridiculous and what parents need to be very aware of, is that shoes are a huge indicator among boys about status and money. The shoes boys most covet are heavily marketed to them and extremely expensive. (Nike Kobes are about $170 and LeBrons can go up to $250.) If parents are willing to pay for them, that says a lot about how they're buying into the marketing campaigns that are targeting our boys and, by extension, our wallets.
Also keep in mind that boys often have judgments about who has the right to wear these shoes. As in, if you wear them but you can't hold your own athletically, boys are going to make fun of you to your face or ridicule you behind your back.
I am writing about this to suggest that when your son is begging for new shoes and spends hours looking at his various options online, don't make fun of him or belittle his apparent superficiality. Instead, see this an opportunity to talk about financial responsibility and perception of his image. Tell him how much you are willing to spend. If he still insists that he has to get expensive shoes, tell him he has to use his savings or work to pay for the rest. Then ask him how he thinks his life will be better if he has the shoes he covets and really listen to his answers, because he is giving you a window into his world.
But what if you're having the opposite experience and your son won't get rid of his shoes. Are you that mom who's desperate to buy him new ones because the old ones are so disgusting? The reason he's doing this may be because he doesn't want to buy into the materialism of the other kids. Boys can do things for amazing reasons, but it's hard to see—even when it's right in front of our eyes. Again, this is an opportunity to look beyond the shoes and ask the boys in our lives why they're doing things that make so little sense to us. The strange thing is that if we do, we really may learn something.
How does your son feel about his favorite pair of sneakers? Post a comment and tell me.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice, here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email email@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens | Tags: Money, Sneakers, Teenage Boys
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The Downside of Dress Codes
Written on September 11, 2014 at 5:36 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
A few days before I started sixth grade at a private school, I went with my mother to get my uniforms. While she beamed, I remember miserably pulling the green-and-white-striped dress over my head. My mother, like many parents to this day, believed that uniforms were the answer to stopping social competition among students and contributed to an overall positive school atmosphere.
But here's the problem: Way too often administrators and teachers enforce their school's dress code by disrespecting and shaming their students, as with a recent incident involving a superintendent in Oklahoma. Not only is this unethical but it contributes to a school environment where the children don't trust the adults to exercise their authority ethically. What should be a moment in the hall of "Please take off your hat" or "That skirt is a little short" becomes a humiliating power struggle where the child has no opportunity to learn whatever lesson the adult believes they are trying to teach.
Before I go on, let's articulate the standard arguments to support school uniforms and dress codes. It is said that they:
1. Set a standard for students that learning environments should be given respect and prepares them for a professional environment as adults.
2. Contribute to students respecting themselves.
3. Decrease materialism and social competition.
4. Stop children from wearing clothes that are offensive or promote illegal or unhealthy substances like drugs and alcohol.
5. Contribute to school spirit and unity.
On the face of it, all these goals are entirely reasonable. Unfortunately, uniforms aren't a magic bullet to stop "fashion show" competition between students. Kids know who has more money either because the student boasts about it (which is common) or other people talk about it. If it's important to a student to show how rich their family is, they will figure out a way to do so, from donning $300 headphones to sporting $200 sneakers to bragging about what cars their parents have.
What's more, no matter how great the school or how well-intentioned the rules are, a dress code and the way it is enforced can mask double standards and abuse of power. For example, the way boys and girls get in trouble for violating dress codes is different. Boys get in trouble for wearing clothes that are "disrespectful." However they define that (sagging and baggy pants, wearing a hat inside), far too many adults start the interaction with boys by using their power as an adult to dominate them in public (by yelling at them in the hallway in front of their peers). And if the boy doesn't immediately comply, his behavior is seen as defiant and requiring punishment. I am not excusing bad manners, but adults need to have common sense when they talk to people with adolescent brains. No one likes to be called out in public—especially teens—and when you do that, the teachable moment is lost.
In contrast, girls get in trouble more often for violating the dress code and are usually accused of presenting themselves in sexually inappropriate ways. Girls who go through puberty earlier and/or are more voluptuous are also disproportionately targeted (which also disproportionately impacts African American and Latina girls). Yes, a girl with a voluptuous body can be distracting, but that doesn't mean the male students around her should be held to such a low standard that they aren't expected to treat her respectfully. Teaching girls to respect themselves should focus on being proud of who they are—not shaming them for looking sexually promiscuous. This is a teachable moment about your hopes for your girl.
If your kid's school has a dress code, it's critical to instruct your child how to accept the responsibility they have as a member of the school community while recognizing that sometimes the way the code is applied is unfair.
Whether you have a son or a daughter, here's what you can say:
If someone talks to you about being out of dress code, do what they say. If you feel that they have been rude to you, I still want you to do what they say but then tell me and/or tell the administrator you trust the most. But if you're genuinely confused about why you're out of dress code, or what you're wearing is important to you and it's not communicating something rude or degrading about someone else, you have the right to respectfully ask why you are in violation. If you feel strongly about this, you can research your rights about freedom of expression in school and bring that to the administration. You may not get what you want, but it's important to know your rights and I will support that.
Here's what you should say specifically to your daughter:
This is difficult to speak about with you, but it's important to me that I do. Your school has a dress code. For girls, that often means not presenting yourself in a sexual manner. I want you to be proud of your body and I never want you to be ashamed of it. But way more important to me than the dress code is you. You are a smart young woman with a lot to contribute to this world. Like all young women, you're growing up in a world that dismisses your opinions and rights by trying to convince you that the most important thing about you is your physical appearance. Obviously, you are so much more than that. I want you to be proud and comfortable with how you look. But I also want you to be proud and comfortable about who you are beyond that. So I'd like you to think about that when you get dressed for school. Can you put the clothes you like and that are within the dress code on one side of your closet and the ones that are not on the other side?
If administrators at your school are shaming girls, you need to speak out against it. Schools can have standards. They can even have standards that you disagree with but need to learn to live with. What you should not tolerate are adults who are responsible for the safety and education of your children to think enforcing the dress code gives them the right to shame and disrespect children.
How do you feel about dress codes at school? Post a comment and tell me below.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice, here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email firstname.lastname@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens | Tags: dress code news, dress codes, Oklahoma dress codes, rosalind wiseman, school dress code issues
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Talking to Your Kids About Michael Brown
Written on August 28, 2014 at 5:20 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
As it is for many moms, early mornings are my favorite time of day. It's peaceful, and the only time I can think quietly without interruption. A few days ago, as the sun rose, I sat with a cup of tea and couldn't stop thinking about Michael Brown's mother. She would bury her son on this day. The same day I was getting my boys ready for their first day of school. As I stared at my tea all I could think of was how to talk to my boys about the funeral, how another unarmed young man of color was killed by a police officer, and about the photos of heavily armed police pointing automatic weapons at and using tear gas on protesters, and how a member of that police department boasted at a public speech about killing minorities.
As a white mother with teen sons, living in Boulder, Colorado, I am far away from Ferguson, Missouri, in many ways. Boulder is a lovely place to live. As in many towns like it, people here pride themselves on being "progressive" and would never see themselves as supporting racial discrimination. But there are very few people of color living in Boulder. Yet they are here and, not surprisingly, my children have reported the often ignorant, and sometimes malicious, racist comments their white classmates make about African Americans and Mexicans.
Last year one of my sons told me that there was a group of wealthy white boys at his school taunting Hispanic students, calling them "beaners." I told him I wanted him to say something to those white kids. He didn't want to. The next time it happened, I talked to him about the relative privilege he has at that school because he is an athlete. I also wanted him to realize, if it was hard for him to speak up, how much more difficult it may be for someone with less social power. My son is starting eighth grade. I have no doubt there will be many opportunities for him to practice speaking out, and I hope one day he does.
Teaching your children to speak out against bigotry is an ongoing process. We can't just tell them from time to time, "Racism is wrong." Or, "All people are equal regardless of the color of their skin." It is about knowing that no community is immune from racism and bigotry—including mine and yours. It is knowing that it's common that "nice" kids make racist jokes and comments. It is knowing that your own children can make hurtful comments about other people or stay silent when someone else does. We have a responsibility to teach our children to effectively and unflinchingly realize that they have an obligation to make the world a more just place for all, and then give them the skills to make it happen.
Boulder isn't unique. My consistent experience working throughout the country is that self-identified progressive communities believe they are above the racism they see, read and hear about in the media. The vast majority of parents within these communities can't imagine their children degrading their peers because of the color of their skin. They can't imagine their child making a racist or sexist joke. They've told their children that racism is wrong, so there's nothing more to say.
But there's a lot more to say. Many white parents I've talked to don't want to bring up something so unpleasant and ugly with their kids. Here's the deal: It is ugly. It is unjust. But race privilege means you have the choice to avoid it. African American, Hispanic and other minority parents don't have that choice. It's our responsibility to take care of one another. And that means taking the blinders off.
Being a parent means educating your children and having hard conversations with them about how messed up the world is. It's about allowing them to get upset about it, angry about it and then challenging them to make it better. It's about reading and watching with your child the reports coming out of Ferguson, going back to the reports about Trayvon Martin, printing out and reading what people are saying about these issues (Ta-Nehisi Coates has been my go-to writer this year).
We need our children to understand that the democracy they study in school is messy. It has an ugly history of how it has treated many minorities in this country and that legacy profoundly affects all of us to this day. If we don't educate our kids, we sentence them to ignorance and not developing the skills and courage to stand by their peers for the collective and individual dignity of all. So sit down and watch Michael's funeral service with your teens. Ask your child what it feels like to bear witness to this community's anger and grief. Just be still for a moment and then vow to do something to make it better.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens, School | Tags:
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More Than Just a Crush
Written on August 21, 2014 at 1:33 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
"Back to school" is about getting back into the groove of a more structured life. It's about buying supplies in time—not for the first day of classes but before they're out of stock. It's about what teachers your kid got and if they're loved or hated.
But guess what it's also about for a lot of kids? Crushes. The horribly awesome, terrifying, nerve-racking experience of seeing someone for the first time and falling for them hard. It could be their hair, the way they say hello, their cool red jacket, whatever—doesn't matter. In an instant, the world will never be the same. And even if they don't have a crush on someone, chances are good they're going to have a friend who does and that will upend their world too.
Being aware of crushes falls into the parenting gray zone. You don't want to stalk the school hallways or wait for your child to come home and immediately ask them about their or anyone else's love life. Really…you don't. Even though you may want to. But you do need to be aware of crushes as the possible source of your child's weird mood swings. Or the potential reason behind a sudden increase in the amount of time spent texting. (They're discussing with a friend exactly how the crush said "Hi" or how the crush affects social dynamics between your child and his or her friends.)
It's really important to remember that crushes and puppy love aren't insignificant. Just because kids are only holding hands or simply staring at each other doesn't mean the feelings they have are meaningless. Take a minute to remember your first crush and how you felt around that person. See? Not meaningless. So don't say things in front of your child about how fleeting crushes are or how they don't really matter.
And just because I said no stalking, that doesn't mean you can't talk to your child. Sometime when it's calm and quiet, like at the end of the day, you can say something like this.
YOU: Now that you're in sixth grade, you might notice that people can get crushes on each other or really like each other.
YOUR KID: Mom…I really don't want to talk about this.
YOU: This is going to be brief but it's important to me that you hear this. Having a crush can feel great. It can also feel terrible. And it can feel both at the same time. Sometimes friends can get involved and make the whole thing even weirder. Feelings can be confusing. You don't have to talk to me about any of this but you can if you want. Regardless, here are four things I want you to keep in mind.
1. Friends shouldn't be mean to you or deliberately embarrass you about your crush. If your friend has a crush, the same rules apply about what you say to them.
2. If you have a crush and you get rejected it's not going to be easy, but you can't be rude or mean in person or online. If your friend has a crush and they get rejected, I don't want you to join in if they start going after the person either.
3. Friends don't have to agree with why the crush is so crush-worthy. If your friend thinks that the crush isn't cute, that's okay. Friends can disagree. What's not cool is if a friend makes fun of liking the crush or embarrasses you in front of other people.
4. Sometimes friends, even really close friends, can have a crush on the same person. Covert operations to make the competition look bad almost always backfire and destroy the friendship.
Remember, these experiences are important, so if you ever do want to talk about it, I hope you can talk to me or someone else about them. Okay, I'm done unless there's anything you want to ask.
Then don't wait around with an intense mom or dad expression on your face that signals to your child that you expect to have a deep, meaningful conversation. Just walk away. I promise that if you do, they are much more likely to come to you when they want to get something off their chest.
On the flip side, if your child is the loved one, it can feel great—or really awkward, depending on how they feel about the person who likes them. What's most important: no humiliating the other person if they don't like them.
And I have one pet peeve: If your child tells you that a kid of the opposite sex hits them at school or teases them, please don't say with a grin on your face, "I think they like you." And definitely don't say, "You know why they're probably doing that? Because they have a crush on you!" (See my previous post, "7 Words You Shouldn't Say to Your Kid.")
We don't want to teach our children that an acceptable way to show you like someone is to be mean to them. Plus, we weren't there. Maybe the other child doesn't like your kid and now you're enabling your kid to read the situation wrong. Maybe other children were teasing the child about liking your son or daughter, so they felt forced to be mean to them to make the matchmaking and teasing stop. If our children tell us these things, we can say:
That's too bad. Maybe I can ask you some questions to help you think it through. Did it feel playful or mean? Did they do it around other people?
Let's use this as an opportunity to teach our kids how to tell when someone likes them, how to be respectful when the feelings aren't mutual, and how to be a good friend through it all. Handling all this is tricky stuff. We have to be ready to ask thoughtful questions so our kids can navigate this really rocky terrain—and then do their homework, their sports activities, their chores…It's a lot.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens, School | Tags:
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What Happened After My Son Said, "Mom, I'm Going to Do Something Really Stupid"
Written on July 17, 2014 at 1:31 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
Full disclosure: My boys have committed countless ridiculous, embarrassing, dangerous and stupid acts that I've never shared publicly. And it's been tempting. After all, I'm a parenting expert and I have children who never seem to miss an opportunity to make me feel how ironic my professional title is. But I do honor my children's privacy, and I do recognize that it may be especially irritating to have me as a mother. So I've kept the "mom" sharing to a minimum.
But two weeks ago, Elijah, my 13-year-old son, lit a smoke bomb not seven feet from me. In my living room. Just to be clear, "living room" means "inside my house."
You light a bomb in my house, I get to tell the world.
The official reason I'm doing this is because my husband, James, and I thought a lot about how to use this experience as a teachable moment. It's also an opportunity to practice what I preach. But the other reason is that it just makes me feel better to share with other people how mind-blowingly stupid my boys can be.
Here's how the whole thing went down:
After spending the day playing in a basketball tournament, Elijah brought two teammates back to the house with him. A couple of hours later, I was sitting on the couch next to Elijah when Miller, an exceptionally nice kid, told me he needed to go downstairs because he "didn't want to keep his mom waiting" when she picked him up. He really said that.
A few minutes later Elijah said to me, "Mom, I'm going to do something really stupid." I immediately responded, "Whatever it is, don't do it."
But for some reason my radar was down so I didn't pay attention when Elijah left the room shortly after making this declaration. When he returned a few minutes later, he nonchalantly walked by me and set off the smoke bomb. Immediately, blue smoke filled the room, and then the house; which caused all the smoke alarms to go off. At that exact moment, Miller's very nice father and his two adorable younger sisters rang the doorbell.
First, I focused on damage control. Turn off the alarms, get the nice family out of the house, and then deal with the real problems at hand. I still had Jackson, Elijah's other friend, in the house. I didn't want to lose it in front of him because he'd already seen me truly rage—a few months before, at 3 a.m., in my bathrobe, no less (due to another mind-blowingly stupid thing my younger son, Roane, did involving a rug and salsa, but I digress). Determined to keep myself under control, I calmly asked Jackson to walk home and brought Elijah into our room—where James was trying to calm himself down—for sentencing.
Here's the challenge. In these moments, when emotions are at their highest—
- embarrassment because of the nice family at the door
- fury at your child, and
- the glaring realization that you might possibly live with the world's worst roommate, who might burn your house down if you stop paying attention for five minutes
—it's really hard to think clearly and act maturely. But you have to if you want any chance of getting through to your child and keeping your sanity.
In the five minutes between getting everyone out of the house and talking to Elijah, here's what James and I decided were the most important things we needed to communicate.
- We both accept that our children are fascinated with fire and what happens when things explode. That is why we have educated both of them on fire safety and fireworks. Unfortunately, that doesn't always translate into good judgment on their part.
- We recognize that we can't leave Elijah unsupervised in the house until he can prove he has better judgment. That will take time—which is annoying but true.
- Because Elijah demonstrated disregard for the safety of our home, he will be responsible for the majority of its upkeep in the hope that he'll appreciate to some extent how hard it is to maintain a house and what a colossally bad idea it is to burn one down.
I know Elijah respects us. I know he has a degree of fear of us. But he has yet to experience the horror you feel when something you've done goes terribly wrong. Not all 13-year-olds are like this, but he is a supremely confident man-child who has never been able to just take someone's word for it. Since he was 2½ and stuck a metal shower ring into the heating system and short-circuited the electrical system of our house, he has been an "experimental learner." So my goal is to get Elijah to connect his higher processing with his let's-see-what-happens-if-I-do-this thinking. That's going to be one of the main objectives of his adolescent development.
But it's going to be a long road. I kid you not, today—not two weeks later—Elijah woke James from his Saturday afternoon nap and asked, "Dad….Dad…Dad…Do we have any flammable liquids in the house?"
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens | Tags:
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A Summer Code of Conduct for Your Kids
Written on July 3, 2014 at 8:00 am , by Rosalind Wiseman
Since I moved to Colorado from Washington, D.C., almost two years ago, I have grown to love summer. First off, there's no humidity. As a native Washingtonion, I thought living in the wet, moldy sponge that is D.C. from June through September was normal. What's more, every day here is beautiful, there aren't annoying bugs everywhere, ice cream is plentiful and people are in a good mood. The only complaint I have: The school ends the third week of May. That is just way too early.
To be fair, no matter how hard we parents work all year, for our kids, summer should be a time to sleep in late, relax, roam around, and hang out with friends. But in order for parents to not get really irritated and start walking around the house muttering about how lazy and slovenly their children are, we have to have an agreement about how summer is going to go down.
So three weeks into their vacation, I told my boys: "I want you to relax and have fun and neither of us want me constantly nagging you or raging at you ("raging" is the word my boys use to describe my very calm requests). So here is how I think we have the best chance of accomplishing these very important goals." Then I shared with them my "Summer Code of Conduct." Perhaps these rules to relax by will help you preserve your sanity this season.
1. If you want to kick back. . . don't leave cups and dishes around the house. This is especially true if you have eaten cereal and/or drank chocolate milk with an inch of chocolate sludge at the bottom and left it wherever you finished it. This is also true with clothes (dirty or clean), technology accessories like ear buds or headphones, new or used tissue paper, sports equipment, art projects and any small pets. You won't be able to relax because all of these actions will automatically result in your parent flipping out—as in making you clean everything you have spread around the house and nagging you as you do it).
2. To be left alone. . . you must read a book of your choosing, outside if possible, and enjoy it. Your parents will leave you in peace while you read—unless they see that you are hiding a handheld device behind the book. If you are, we get to make you do additional chores around the house such as loading the dishwasher (see #1), folding laundry, taking out garbage and more.
3. When hanging out indoors with your friends. . . know the house rules. If you're hanging out at another person's house, you are expected to follow the other family's policies without argument. Likewise, your friends are expected to follow our family rules when they are at our house. If not, your parent will make it clear to your friends what the family rules are.
4. When hanging out outdoors with friends . . . respect the freedom we give you. Summer is time to spontaneously hang out with buddies. But that will happen much more easily if you check in with your parents on a consistent basis. So when your parents ask you by any method where you are and when you will be home you need to answer concretely. For example, "Soon" and "In a little while" are not appropriate answers to a parents' text message about when you will be returning home.
5. While improving your video game or tech skills . . . Watch the clock. I know video games aren't all bad. They just can't take over your life or be a major source of conflict between siblings. So each child can have ninety minutes per day on the device of their choosing for fun. Basic necessities must be taken care of before engaging any technology, which are defined but not limited to putting on clothes, brushing teeth and hair, and taking care of any pet needs. All technology activity must end an hour before bed (to assure a good night rest) and devices be charged in parent's bedroom. Other projects involving technology are excluded from the ninety minute limit.
6. If you want to impress me. . . . tell me how you plan on giving back this summer. A couple times a month over the summer, the family and whatever friends want to join in, will do community service together. Examples are making dinner for a children's or teen shelter, painting a family homeless center, gardening, mowing lawns or getting groceries for an older person. When I know you're up to some good, I can kick back and enjoy summer too.
Have you laid down some rules of the road for your kids this summer? Post a comment and tell me what they are below.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice, here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email email@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens | Tags: Ask Rosalind, rosalind wiseman, summer camp, summer vacation
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Dealing With Bullies (When You Disagree With Your Partner)
Written on June 18, 2014 at 5:41 pm , by Rosalind Wiseman
The only thing harder than helping your kid handle bullies at school is helping your kid do so when you and your spouse aren't on the same page. Our parenting expert, Rosalind Wiseman, received a letter from a woman struggling with just that situation. She has a picked-on kid and a hands-off ex who disagrees with her tactics. Here's what happened and what you can do to handle similar situations within your family.
Q. "When my son, Nick, told me he was being bullied at school, I immediately called a meeting with my ex-husband, the principal, a counselor and my child. But my ex doesn't think our son is being bullied. He thinks I just don't understand "boy world." The principal was glad the situation was brought to his attention but mentioned that Nick needs to "loosen up" because he doesn't like to make mistakes and he's rigid when around other boys. Nick is very upset that I called the school meeting; he also said that even though the bullying subsided for a few days, it has started again. He has begged me not to discuss it again with school officials or with his father. Most recently he asked if he could have liposuction near his armpits because the boys are saying he's fat. I've spoken with my son about bullies. I've also talked about the power a bully gets from provoking a desired reaction. Nick clams up and doesn't want to hear my suggestions. I'm so afraid the bullying will escalate that I'm considering signing him up for a martial arts class, and I even showed him how to physically defend himself last night."
A: Your parenting dynamic is pretty common, but it makes it much more difficult for your son. The dad wants his son to stop complaining and deal with the other kids (the Boy World thing he wants you to understand), and you want to comfort your child. Both of you are right. Your son, as you and the school agree, is socially inflexible and that makes it harder for him to get along with his peers. But that doesn't justify the other boys bullying him. He needs social skills and emotional support, and he needs parents who recognize the value of each. But as long as you and your ex have judgments about the other's point of view (to put words in both of your mouths, he thinks you coddle him and you think he's callous), your parenting dynamic will make it much harder for your son to learn what he needs to in this situation.
And this is why your situation is so applicable to so many families. The fact is all children are going to experience conflict with their peers. How the adults in the child's life guide him through the process of responding to conflict is often the invisible force that either increases the child's emotional resilience and strengthens the family, or decreases the child's emotional fortitude, makes him more vulnerable to abuse by his peers, causes him to feel ashamed that he is a target, and makes him resistant to asking for help. All that happens while he's still desperate for the bullying to stop and caught between his parents' opposing opinions.
For your son's emotional well-being and physical safety, you first need to say something to him about your family situation. Something like:
Your dad and I both love you—we just have different opinions about how to help you. That's one of the reasons why we need to have someone at school help us think through what you need to feel more in control of the situation. But I also want you to know two things: You are always entitled to your feelings. If you're upset about something, you have the right to be upset. What we want to do is help you decide how to pick your battles. For example, kids putting you down about your body or saying you don't belong is wrong and needs to stop. But when you're playing a game with your classmates and you get upset about a rule being broken we need to find different strategies so that you can talk to the other kids in a more effective way, one that doesn't come across as rigid. That's what your father and I want.
It's a hard balance for you—for any parent in your situation. You have to simultaneously give Nick confidence that he can face kids' cruelty and/or allow him to feel the consequences of his inflexibility (kids reacting negatively to him) so he has the internal motivation and confidence to make things better for himself. And you have to do this all while feeling incredibly anxious and powerless to make it better for him.
Unless you have experiences with the school that demonstrate incompetence or unprofessionalism, have faith in the counselor and the administrator, but don't hesitate to demand what you need. Ask the counselor (or whomever you're talking to) to help you come up with three responses you can say when Nick complains about the mean things his peers are saying (like the weight comments). What I say to kids in Nick's situation (being bullied, but they don't want to report it) is this:
I'm really sorry this is happening and I wish I could make the problem disappear, but you know I can't. What I can do is listen to you and help you come up with the smartest strategy for dealing with those kids. We won't be able to make 100% of the problem go away, but if we can make the problem go down even by 20%, hopefully you'll feel better and more confident about how you're handling it. Once that happens, those kids have less power over you.
It's also time for you to back off from being so visibly involved because your efforts to comfort him can easily come across as coddling. Not only is that embarrassing to your son but it also sends the message that you don't feel confident that he can handle his problems.
You mentioned wanting him to learn martial arts. So let him research what style he likes. Let him check out a class and decide if he likes the teacher. He needs to start building good relationships with adults anyway. Encourage him to join a class that he likes and let him learn from that teacher. One thing to note: Unless you have martial arts experience, I would avoid teaching him self-defense. Even if you do, I'd still think twice. My husband and I have black belts in multiple styles of martial arts, but when our oldest son was bullied (he was around the same age as Nick, as well as the tallest kid in his class) we didn't teach him ourselves. Well, we tried a few times, but it always ended in tears and frustration. We trusted in his karate teachers and school counselor, and I credit both for why he is in a better place today.
I am not telling you to stop comforting him. He needs to know he can always go to you. But I am saying, often the most comforting thing a mother can do is to show your confidence that your son has the strength to face these problems with conviction and with the support of capable adults around him.
Have you had child-rearing disagreements with your husband? Post a comment and tell me about it below.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice, here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email firstname.lastname@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens, School | Tags: Ask Rosalind, bullying, cyberbullying, Parenting Teens & Tweens, rosalind wiseman
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Six Demands Parents Should Make of Their Kids
Written on May 15, 2014 at 9:30 am , by Rosalind Wiseman
It was the first time I'd spoken at a high school graduation and I was nervous. The senior class—a group of young women I'd worked with off and on over the last two years—had invited me. In the weeks before, I had rewritten the speech countless times. I wanted it to be inspirational but not superficial.
Graduation day was beautiful, but even more wonderful was watching these incredible young women walk past their beaming families as they joined me on the stage. I stood up and walked to the podium. I looked out again at the parents and then turned to the students. Overcome by the moment, I put my speech notes down and spoke from my heart—as a teacher and a parent. This is what I said:
I demand great things of you. Not that you go to the "best" schools, make a lot of money or grow up to have perfect-looking lives. I demand that you have the courage to ask yourself and others hard questions that make you uncomfortable. I demand that you do so with an unshakable commitment to civil dialogue in every aspect of your life.
I demand that whenever possible, you collaborate with smart, passionate, capable people who don't take themselves too seriously and have a good sense of humor. Keep people close who will tell you when you messed up but say it with love and care. As a special bonus, if you have complementary skills you can work together to accomplish great things.
I demand that in your jobs, families and community you look for ways to address social, political and economic injustice.
I demand that you always remember that your dignity and the dignity of others is not negotiable—ever.
I demand that you remember that your dignity and the dignity of others matters the most when it's hard. Like when you see someone being taken advantage of, when you are so angry with someone and all you want to do is get revenge, or when you face someone who believes that their truth trumps all others.
I demand that when you are in a group of people, you be aware of whose voices in the room are being dismissed. When you notice this silence, support that person's right to speak and be heard.
When it gets hard, and it probably will, the people who love you and care for you will be on your side. That is our obligation to you.
I could barely get through the speech because it was in that moment that I truly remembered why I love and value working with young people so much.
As my sons get older and I'm yelling at them about picking up their dirty socks off the living room floor and could they please take their headphones off before I throw them in the trash, I easily forget what I remembered so clearly on that podium with those girls. And then, I take a breath and it all comes back.
What's the number one demand that you make of your child? Post a comment and tell us below.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Read more of Rosalind's parenting advice, here.
Do you have a parenting question? Email email@example.com.
Categories: Momster, Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman, Parenting Teens & Tweens | Tags: parenting advice, Parenting Teens & Tweens, rosalind wiseman
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What Boys Think About Teen Pregnancy: "Her Decision Dictated My Future"
Written on May 9, 2014 at 11:48 am , by Rosalind Wiseman
Let's be honest. When we say "teen pregnancy" we really mean "girls getting pregnant." It's as if all boys cared about was having sex—without giving a thought to the possible consequences. But it's not as simple as that. Almost all the young men I've worked with who experienced a pregnancy scare (or a pregnancy) had complicated reactions to it.
To get some insight into the boy perspective, I asked Tom,* one of the young men who helped edit my recent book Masterminds and Wingmen, to share what he went through with his high school girlfriend. Here's what he shared:
"When I was a junior in high school, I had a girlfriend who was a senior. We lost our virginity to each other. There was this week where I could feel her tension but I didn't know what was going on. Then she told me that her period was two weeks late.
I remember it so vividly and what I was thinking. I'm dating this girl but I'm not ready to marry her. I'm looking at her mom and my future life with this person and that's terrifying. At 18 you're beginning to understand the larger implications because in my high school there was a girl who had a kid. I'd heard stories of people my age getting married and then you're in it forever.
Part of me thought this was a team decision and part of me didn't. Her decision dictated my future and it was really uncomfortable to have that in someone else's hands. But my mom always said if I got someone pregnant it was my responsibility, and with her that was huge. My dad left my mom when I was 2 and she was pregnant with my younger brother. She took responsibility for us. So when she said that to me, and that was before I was having sex, I got it and I remembered it. She was good about that—laying the groundwork before I was actually doing these things."
Tom brings up incredibly important issues. First, even if teens don't tell their parents or other adults in their lives what's going on, those adults have tremendous influence. Whatever those adults have said to them about pregnancy in the past is immediately front and center in their mind. Time and time again, boys have told me that in these situations they want to be able to talk about their feelings but don't feel that they have the right to.
Second, their past has a deep impact on the future they imagine. If their own fathers have not been around, they feel deeply conflicted or often fantasize about how they're going to be a better father than they've had.
Third, and the biggest issue I've seen by far, is how they listen to and respect their partner's emotional reactions to the pregnancy. It's hard for them to courteously articulate what they want in light of what their partner also wants. It's so hard because boys and young men are so rarely taught how to have these incredibly difficult conversations. Adults don't often know how to.
One of the most important things we can do as parents of boys is to engage them in conversations around all these topics. Talk to them about their possible emotional reactions to getting a sexual partner pregnant. When we don't include boys in the conversation, we contribute to young men not feeling they have a right to an opinion when they get a girl pregnant, and condoning boys believing it's not their responsibility when they get someone pregnant. Having these conversations doesn't condone irresponsible sexual behavior. It is a critical opportunity to articulate your values about personal responsibility, meaningful emotional connection and facing difficult, seemingly overwhelming situations with integrity and grace.
*Name has been changed.
Have you talked to your teenage son about pregnancy? What did you say? Post a comment and tell us here.
Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new best seller Masterminds and Wingmen as well as Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads. For more info, go to rosalindwiseman.com. Do you have a parenting question?
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Although kids love looking at art, they sometimes find art museums stuffy and boring.
Now with these four family-friendly tour apps for your iPhone, iPad or iPod, you and your kids can enjoy looking at lots of great art in New York City without stepping foot inside a museum at all. Outdoor art is waiting for you to sample all along the streets of Midtown Manhattan. And it's free for the looking!
On each of the four outdoor art treasure hunts you'll be shown pictures of a small part of an artwork and then you do your best to find the complete work. Once you've found each treasure you can tap the "Found" button to reveal more information about the artwork.
Each time you locate a treasure, you'll also receive BONUS LETTERS that will lead you to a special surprise at the end of the treasure hunt.
Each tour should take about an hour or so to complete.
You'll want to listen to the AUDIO TOUR while following along with the written text and stunning photographs. Just click on the Speaker Button in the bottom right corner.
And it's impossible to get lost since we've built in a GPS NAVIGATION SYSTEM which will easily direct you to each art treasure.
NOTE: We strongly recommend that you follow the tours in order. Begin with Tour 1. The best tour to take next is Tour 2 which starts exactly at the ending location of Tour 1 and builds on it. Tour 3 begins where Tour 2 left off, and so forth.
Tour 1 will take you from Grand Central to Rockefeller Center. Its title is CREATURES: REAL AND IMAGINARY!
Tour 2 treats you to 14 of the great works of art in and around Rockefeller center. It's appropriately called ROCK AROUND "THE ROCK."
Tour 3 takes you from Rockefeller Center cross town to the United Nations building finding "HEROES and MONSTERS."
And finally, Tour 4 completes your art treasure hunt by exploring wonderful art throughout Central Park – "LOVE Those Animals."
Ready to experience NYC in a fun and fascinating way? Beginning with Tour 1, download each of the tours for your iPod, iPhone or iPad at the App Store for only $0.99 each! .
Can you beat that price? Not in a New York minute!

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Train at our "challenging" runway, reputedly one of the shortest runways in the Philippines, or shoot an instrument approach at the nearby Diosdado Macapagal International Airport (DMIA) with its two parallel runways complete with NAV aids, runway lighting, and facilities. No hassles about touch and go slots, air traffic congestion - train anytime during the day!
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The image of the scrum — a beleaguered politican surrounded by jockeying reporters — is central to our perception of Ottawa. The modern scrum began with the arrival of television, but even in Sir John A. Macdonald's day, a century earlier, reporters in the parliamentary press gallery had waited outside the prime minister's office, pen in hand, hoping for a quote for the next edition.
The scrum represents the test of wills, the contest of wits, and the battle for control that have characterized the relationship between Canadian prime ministers and journalists for more than 125 years. Scrum Wars chronicles this relationship. It is an anecdotal as well as analytical account, showing how earlier prime ministers like Sir John A. Macdonald and Sir Wilfrid Laurier were able to exercise control over what was written about their administrators, while more recent leaders like John Diefenbaker, Joe Clark, John Turner, and Brian Mulroney often found themselves at the mercy of intense media scrutiny and comment.
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Lab Members
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Dr. Levine is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Neurosurgery at MD Anderson Cancer Center, with subspecialty interests in open and endoscopic skull base surgery and complex intracranial neurosurgery. His surgical interests include tumors of the skull base, vestibular schwannomas, intraventricular tumors, pineal region tumors and craniopharyngiomas.
Dr. Levine has taught national skull base courses on surgical approaches and anatomy. He is fellowship trained in skull base surgery and cerebrovascular surgery. Dr. Levine is the Director of the Microsurgical and Endoscopic Center for Clinical Applications (MECCA) Laboratory. He calls the lab his field of dreams, read more about its purpose and how he started it.
MD Anderson Neurosurgery Faculty
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"Luminous beings are we; not this crude matter!"Spiritual fuel that runs the body and mind, generally invisible to science (but not Lost Technology). Life Energy may be the same thing as the spirit, or rather just some sort of spiritual Life Meter. Even the hardest of television Science Fiction can't seem to help but use this trope at one point or another, even though modern science doesn't give it a leg to stand on. Relatedly, even the hardest-nosed Nietzscheans and Randians have been known to go on (the latter at length, of course) about the "life-force". In anime, is often the vampire alternative to drinking blood, but also is often used to explain why human blood is better for vampires than non-human or why they can't feed on the dead. It just sates their Horror Hunger better. Many anime antagonists, especially enemies of Magical Girls, are thaumovores: they feed on Life Energy or use it to power their evil plans. A clear sign that a character is a life-force sink is the spontaneous death of flowers around him or (usually) her. The victim of Life Energy theft may recover if only a little of it is taken, or else may end up in a coma that is unexplainable to mundane doctors. Other results include becoming a walking Empty Shell, or outright dying as the body becomes a skeleton or even crumbles to ash. In the west, stealing Life Energy tends to be less common than giving Life Energy. Infusing someone with Life Energy (or sometimes Generic Energy) can be used to revive those who are critically injured, or to grant temporary superpowers. Watch out for Phlebotinum Overload, however. It's connected to souls, Hermetic Magic, Ki Attacks, Psychic Powers and other superpowers; see also Mana. In Role-Playing Game terms, it's the combination of Hit Points, Magic Points, and Experience. Transferring it may cause physical changes that are Liquid Assets. Occasionally, part of an Equivalent Exchange to power an Artifact of Doom or Evil Weapon. It should be noted that somehow many spacecrafts' Everything Detectors can scan for it, and yet somehow only pick up humans or things like humans. Bugs, rats and the vast trees of Canada-in-the-Pegasus-Galaxy do not make the grade, so obviously life signs automatically imply sentience (or at least really-bigness). Anyone whose life energy is especially Supernaturally Delicious and Nutritious is in for a hard time. Not to be confused with the NES space jet game of the same title, or the 1985 sci-fi movie Lifeforce. See also Aura Vision and Anatomy of the Soul. If Life Energy is used to power a device, the thing powering it is a Living Battery.
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Great for the cool dog, this bandana is an awesome way to show his style on the day that's all about him! The Birthday Dude Urban Dog Bandana is colorful and bright. Everyone will love this piece and so will he being made of 100% comfy cotton. This piece is double-sided, reversible and machine washable. Made in United States.
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Dover teen lands full-time job at media firm through gaming network
Saturday, February 1, 2014
DOVER — Meeting Austin Long is like taking a peek into a crystal ball to see what future media moguls look like.
"It is 100 percent personality based. They are funny or tell good stories," Long said about his talent, which typically are average people making videos of themselves playing different games like Call of Duty. "We don't sign anyone getting less than one million views per month. Most of them are getting one to three million."
It may be hard to believe that a company can make money by managing people who are playing videos games and posting it online, but Long said that is exactly what is happening. His generation watches this kind of content on their phones and other devices.
And although advertisers are not flocking to YouTube yet, ad rates are increasing based upon demand. Businesses looking to sell their products also enjoy all of the data that can be mined out of the video-sharing website, Long said.
"It is a lot more targeted on YouTube than on TV. On YouTube you can see right down to the 10-year-olds that are watching and you can find out how much they are looking at and how often they are coming back," Long said.
Long said he has been accepted to Full Sail University in Winter Park, Fla., for next school year. If he attends, Long wants to get a bachelor's degree in Entertainment Business through a 21-month compressed program where he will take classes six days a week. He said he plans to continue to work for OmniaMedia while he goes to college.


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Glee to Go "All Out" for Lady Gaga Episodeby Matt Richenthal at Comments
We already know which Madonna songs will be heard on the upcoming Glee episode dedicated to The Material Girl. Now, sources confirm to...Continue Reading
We already know which Madonna songs will be heard on the upcoming Glee episode dedicated to The Material Girl. Now, sources confirm to...Continue Reading
From Dundler Mifflin to Wisteria Lane... Linda Purl, who recently appeared on The Office as Pam's mother (and Michael's lover... ewww!),...Continue Reading
On next week's new episode of Castle, Beckett and Rick look into the startling murder of a museum curator. He was crushed by a falling...Continue Reading
From reunions of old friends to embezzlement, blackmail and shocking admissions, last night's Melrose Place, "Santa Fe," had it all - and...Continue Reading
This week's episode of 90210, "Clark Raving Mad," featured the much-hyped girl-on-girl kiss between Adrianne and Gia, so how could the...Continue Reading
"The Package" was delivered this week on Lost. Our writers debate its significance in this week's Round Table as well as some of the...Continue Reading
Four tenants from the original Melrose Place reunited last night on the 21st Century version of the show that made them stars. Sadly,...
The four sneak previews we posted yesterday for "Sympathy For the Parents" focused largely on Alex's brother, who appears for the first...Continue Reading
Updating a previous report, Matt Damon is now confirmed as a guest star on 30 Rock. Damon, who will likely appear towards the very end of...Continue Reading
Despite the much-hyped lesbian kiss between Gia and Adrianna, we have to say, this week's episode of 90210 definitely belonged to Naomi...


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See other Riga properties
Dome Pearl Hostel
Real Reviews
Real reviews from fellow travellers
These are trusted reviews from guests who have actually stayed here. We hope you find them helpful.
Note: we only give a property a rating once it has received a minimum of 3 reviews.
- Page:1/1
- " Loved the location right in the center of the old city where everything was, so nice! Liked the whiskey bar downstairs. Ok rooms. Ok clean, but it didnt bother me. "
- 06 Feb 2014 Ina Norway
- " This was the worst Hostel of our Trip. The price was cheap, the Hostel was located direct in the center. BUT it was extream cold because the heating doesn't work well, and the gully in the bathroom was smelling so bad, that we changed to an other Hostel. The staff was quit unpolite and not really helpfull. "
- 30 Jan 2014 Philipp Austria
- " I didn't have any space where to cook something... and my room was too much cold... "
- 22 Jan 2014 Anonymous Italy
- " the beds were not comfortable.the matresses were old and one could not sleep on them as the springs were just popped out. "
- 25 Dec 2013 ali Netherlands


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Voucher Codes & Offers for JustSocca.Com
Here are the latest discount codes for JustSocca.Com. Only valid current voucher codes are displayed. If there are no current codes for JustSocca.Com then please bookmark this page and come back tomorrow. Vouchers and offers are updated daily.
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To use these codes and offers click on the link to open JustSocca.Com website. Complete your shopping. Offer prices will automatically added to the products. To apply the voucher discount, enter the voucher code into the promotional code box at the checkout.
Just Socca supplies an extensive range of football products, including football boots, goalkeeper gloves, football training equipment, base layer clothing, team wear and footballs to professional and amateur footballers throughout the UK and abroad.


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- Hunger in NYC
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As part of the City Harvest family, we invite you to strengthen your commitment to our mission.
Your investment in our work will help us respond to future challenges, ensuring that we are able to feed hungry New Yorkers in years to come.
A bequest is a loving way to provide for City Harvest's future and to feed the next generation by making a gift in your will. In addition to allowing you to leave a lasting legacy to an important cause, bequests offer tax advantages.
Consult your attorney or financial planner to learn how to set up a bequest. Here are some options to consider:
- Cash bequest: Designate a specific dollar amount or percentage of assets for City Harvest in your will.
- Property bequest: Donate the proceeds of sold property, including securities or real estate, to City Harvest.
- Estate bequest: Direct whatever is remaining from your estate to City Harvest once all else has been paid off and satisfied.
- Retirement bequest: List City Harvest as the beneficiary of your retirement plan, including IRAs, tax-sheltered annuities, qualified pension, or profit-sharing plan.
- Insurance policies: List City Harvest as the beneficiary of your life insurance policy.
- Contingent bequest: List City Harvest as the beneficiary only in the event of the death of all other beneficiaries.
To make a charitable bequest to City Harvest in your will, contact City Harvest for our tax ID and make use of the following language:
"I give and bequeath the sum of $___________ (or ____% of my estate) to City Harvest,
to be used in support of its general charitable purposes."
Once you have completed arrangements with your lawyer or financial planner, you may choose to send a copy of the section of your will or trust document that details your charitable plans. You can also request to be listed as a member of Future Harvest in our annual report, serving as an inspiration for others to support City Harvest.


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2011 was a good year for VW – the best since 2002 – said Jonathan Browning, president and CEO, Volkswagen Group of America, and this gives the company a license to think outside the car. Thus, at the Washington Auto Show, Volkswagen announced support for another type of pedal power: for the next two years, VW will sponsor Bikes Belong, a national organization that works to get more people on more bikes more often, as part of the automaker's expanding Think Blue campaign, which was launched in the U.S. last May. In D.C., Browning said that the Think Blue initiative is about "delivering sustainable mobility on all fronts," and that now includes two-wheeled, human-powered bicycles. It should go without saying, but the benefits of biking include reducing traffic congestion while improving health and lowering travel's impact on the environment. It's good to see VW embracing this alternative in a real way. Previously, VW showed off the bik.e, a foldable bike concept that fits into a spare wheel well.
VW's Bikes Belong sponsorship will include these three major areas:
- Peopleforbikes.org: A way to get people to publicly promote bike riding. The goal is to get a million riders together to "urge policy makers to endorse cost-effective legislation that improves bike paths, lanes and trails nationwide."
- Safe Routes to School National Partnership: Sort of a "hey, let's have kids walk and bike to school" program. Also known as being sensible.
- Bicycling Design Best Practices: An effort to "create more bike-friendly communities across the United States by helping cities adapt the world's best bike facility models, policies and state-of-the-art designs."
New two-year sponsorship will support key bicycling projects as part of Volkswagen's Think Blue.® initiative to promote sustainable mobility and environmentally conscious lifestyles
Herndon, Va., January 26, 2012― At the Washington Auto Show today, Volkswagen of America, Inc. (VWoA) and the Bikes Belong Foundation, the nation's leading advocacy organization for biking, announced a new two-year partnership to help develop biking-friendly communities, foster healthy lifestyles and create a cleaner environment. VWoA will donate vehicles and funding to support three core Bikes Belong advocacy and urban planning initiatives: Peopleforbikes.org, Safe Routes to School National Partnership (SRTSNP) and Bicycling Design Best Practices.
"Volkswagen's commitment to environmental sustainability extends beyond our fuel-efficient vehicles and company practices," said Jonathan Browning, president and CEO, Volkswagen Group of America. "We are extremely proud to be partnering with Bikes Belong to encourage biking and ensure that people of all ages can safely share the road, saving fuel and reducing pollution and traffic congestion."
The sponsorship is part of Volkswagen's Think Blue.® initiative, which encompasses all of the company's efforts to promote eco-friendly mobility and encourage environmentally conscious behavior. The Bikes Belong Foundation partnership also aligns with Volkswagen's long-term commitment to encourage active lifestyles by endorsing cycling, running and triathlon events.
"We are thrilled to have a strong partner in Volkswagen, an innovative, forward-thinking automotive company that shares our commitment to sustainable mobility," said Bruno Maier, vice president, Bikes Belong. "We are looking forward to this joint venture to help create safer roads for all people and help raise awareness of bicycling as a viable, eco-friendly mode of transportation."
The partnership between Volkswagen and the Bikes Belong Foundation focuses on improving bicycling through advocacy, urban planning and strategic design across the three primary programs:
· Peopleforbikes.org: Launched in 2010, Peopleforbikes.org is a movement to unite one million bicyclists of all riding abilities to urge policy makers to endorse cost-effective legislation that improves bike paths, lanes and trails nationwide. VWoA will provide four vehicles for a nationwide "road campaign" to encourage Americans to sign this pledge in support of bicycling and healthy lifestyles.
· Safe Routes to School National Partnership (SRTSNP): VWoA's funding will help bolster efforts to create safe opportunities for children to walk and bicycle to school, while also tackling critical issues related to health, traffic congestion, public safety and the environment.
· Bicycling Design Best Practices: The program aims to create more bike-friendly communities across the United States by helping cities adapt the world's best bike facility models, policies and state-of-the-art designs. VWoA will sponsor workshops and study tours to help implement proven projects that enhance the bicycling experience.
To learn more, visit www.bikesbelong.org/foundation. For further information about Volkswagen's Think Blue.® campaign, go to www.vw.com/thinkblue.
About Bikes Belong Foundation
Formed in 2006, the Colorado-based Bikes Belong Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit organization focused on improving bicycle safety and enhancing children's bike programs. The Foundation administers the Safe Routes to School National Partnership, supports the Bicycle Design Best Practices Project and directs the Peopleforbikes.org campaign.
About Volkswagen of America, Inc.
Founded in 1955, Volkswagen of America, Inc. is headquartered in Herndon, Virginia. It is a subsidiary of Volkswagen AG, headquartered in Wolfsburg, Germany. VWoA's operations in the United States include research and development, parts and vehicle processing, parts distribution centers, sales, marketing and service offices, financial service centers, and its state-of-the-art manufacturing facility in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Volkswagen is one of the world's largest producers of passenger cars and Europe's largest automaker. Volkswagen sells the Beetle, Eos, Golf, GTI, Jetta, Jetta SportWagen, Passat, CC, Tiguan, Touareg and Routan vehicles through approximately 600 independent U.S. dealers.


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Caught her going through a box of molasses cookies...
Yesterday, we had a little girl going in and out of the kitchen the entire day.. We were, all three of us, coming off from the highs of a terrific Saturday. For Keira, a birthday party for her friend at a bowling alley plus an all day sleepover at her best friend's house. For us, well, obviously, an all day date! Keira was also on a high because I finally relented and told her she could chew chewing gum. I even let her choose her own chewing gum flavour when we went to the store and the look on her face, "I'm a big girl now, I can chew gum!" was priceless.
So, here is how she was yesterday: Full of life, chewing her little gum, eating who knows what all day long and dancing, jumping, laughing. Until she went to bed when suddenly, things were not so grand. She spent the entire night being violently sick. So much so, Mr C had to change his pj's three times (that is the extent of his jammy wardrobe).
home sweet home from ChantaleP on Vimeo.
Today, I spent some time trying to figure out what she ate and kiddo spent the entire day in bed sleeping it off. She did feel better once she woke up at 3pm but that bloom faded until she was sick again near suppertime. So.. her food intake of the day? Quarter bottle of Gatorade, tons of water, 2 crackers and 3 spoonfuls of soup. Let's hope another night of rest will make her feel better in the morning..