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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70292730781956192382014-12-17T22:20:48.230-05:00Razz is the new cool.Thoughts and observations of a Razz Igbo Girl.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-38334818150800998122014-10-31T23:17:00.003-04:002014-10-31T23:17:31.891-04:00Is What He Sees Really What He's Gonna Get? I have a friend who was practically harassed by an ex-boyfriend to confess her "number". She said that the harassment started when she started pulling some tricks inna di bedroom and the guy would be interviewing her and asking JAMB questions such as "where did you learn how to do that?" and eventually his judgmental attitude towards her bedmatics led to the end of their relationship. So as a once bitten, twice shy babe, she has sworn that in her next relationship, she is going to roll up to that bedroom forming the ultimate innocent "holy nweje" like she doesn't know NADA. <o:p></o:p>

I could definitely see where she was coming from on that p, as I've had/been privy to a couple of discussions where men casted pure judgment on women based on their behavior/personalities. Let me give some examples:<o:p></o:p>

1. A male friend once told me that one of his friends passed up on marrying an otherwise great girlfriend because he was uncomfortable with the advanced levels and skills that she had in administering "bolaji" aka blowjob. This is a very true story.<o:p></o:p>

2. I was having a convo with a friend about women going to strip clubs and how men view this. Ordinarily, I didn't think that it should be an issue but like my friend pointed out, it could be one of those things were you go with your homeboys and they don't care 'cos they aren't trying to make you the one. But let wife material enter the equation, and you will see how the story will drastically change. In fact as someone else so wisely pointed out, you might think that it's nothing going to a strip club with your male friends, till one of their eligible bachelor friends who might have been winking at you visits from out of town and dem boyz casually mention that they went to the skrip club with you, and you will see how quickly that wink will disappear.

3. Even the most basic things like being the turn-up chick who knows how to knock back shots of patron/hennessy/ogogoro and is the life of the party is all well and good until men start looking for wife, and those same lively traits will collect a big red X as such tinz won't a good wife, make.<o:p></o:p>

Like I said… men are a very interesting set of individuals. You would think that it would be nothing but simple science for a man to be attracted to a woman who for the most part mirrors his interests and activities i.e. If he likes to enjoy the occasional night at the strip club, he would gravitate towards a woman who enjoys the same thing. But apparently not, as we can see that when it comes to some men and their mentality, what is good for the goose is not good for the gander and they will judge a woman who shares such proclivities.
Isn't it pure hilarity when you meet some confirmed turn-up masters who spend practically every weekend in the club but will open their mouths to say that you can't find wifey material in the club. So it's husband material that is chilling there abi?
And I think that the most baffling statements are from those men who frown on certain sexual activities and claim that they would never engage in such with their wife and the mother of their kids as it would be demeaning to her. To which I always ask that if you aint gonna do that with your wife, then who exactly will you do it with kwanu? The convenient side chick abi? I'm getting you brothers.

The interesting thing about some of these men who pass up on a "lively" or even "worldy" woman for the demure wifey type is that down the line they start to complain. I know of 2 men that fall into this category. Totally by-passed women that would have gelled with their outgoing, turn-up nature and went for the quiet, wifey type (in their words). Now years down the line, these same men are complaining that their wives are boring, anti-social, not interesting and blahblah. I'm like abegi, save those #firstworldproblems for people who care. As you make your bed, so shall you lie in it so biko carry your sob story to the gods.

The way I really see it is that in this man's world that we live in, there is absolutely no winning for us women. I've always been a firm believer in "be yourself" and "what he sees is what he should get" but please don't take my advice sha as I can't say that being myself has greatly helped me in the relationship department. I feel like the real winners out there are women who know how to (temporarily??) modify and conform to what they think that men want to see.
If he says that he doesn't like a turn-up babe, please don't listen to my opinionated (and quite single self) as I insist that you continue to go out and have fun, and please hang up your mini skirt + retire the Ruby woo (for now...*snicker*).
If he says he wants a quiet girl who won't stress his paroles while he camps out at the club every weekend, just get with the game and form "stressfree" and "go with the flow"...again, for now.
Infact, e get this girl wey I dey silently hail as someone who has the formula downpat. Her fiancée is the type who likes to go up and down turning up in everybody's club, as in every weekend he dey mark register…and he loves the fact that she never stresses him or bugs him about how he doesn't take her anywhere. But as I dey look the girl, I see a sharp babe that will give him some 180 degree character turn-about after marriage. When bobo gets up like "I'm going out with the boys",she will flex muscle and say "Oh yeah? I'm coming along too". And then he'll be like "where is the woman I married?"…she probably was right there all along bruv.

A leopard can't hide its spots forever so ultimately a woman's true self will come out but shoutouts to women who have mastered the strategy of "I'm going to form A and then reveal B after I have guaranteed my spot in this situation". I can't even be upset at your deception because I do think that some men bring it upon themselves. I mean, in 2014 when some men will overlook a woman's great traits such as her great personality, good looks, excellent credit, caring nature etc etc and dismiss all of that based on "She parties too much so I aint gonna wife that" or "she's way too advanced with her skills inna di bedroom", e reach to be coding some aspects of your personality until further notice. All is fair in this game of trying to get chose.

And that is all she said.

Peazeeeeee.
Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-6570047224535900952014-10-01T00:06:00.002-04:002014-10-01T00:07:28.212-04:00How Much Investigative Journalism Do You Do?These days the concept of "investigative journalism" has gone beyond making verbal inquiries about potential candidates in your dating pool to taking matters right into your very hands and doing the research yourself. One of my good friends is a certified pro at investigative journalism. She meets a guy and goes to research him on social media, google, and even her State's Judiciary website to see whether he has any outstanding cases open or closed that she should be aware of (i.e. previous marriages, credit card liens etc). She pretty much doesn't like to surprise herself and in this day and age where men be pulling James Bond stunts from out of the blue, I aint mad at her tactics at all.
And then I have another good friend is also great at investigative journalism. She knows how to read between the lines on social media. She is probably the reason why some people padlock their Twitter accounts because home girl be on her job with tracking conversations, who liked what and who followed who, who subbed who and who deleted their accounts...I mean, the girl is a pro at putting two and two together. Like I said, I no dey vex at such tactics.
As for me, I do believe in the idea of investigative journalism. I admit to googling men…shoot I occasionally google myself so why should any man be exempt? I will pretty much try to gather as much information out there that I can…after all its all public records innit?

And then beyond researching and trying to gather information about a man who is yet to make the cut, there is also the type of journalism which involves staying in the loop and staying informed about men who have already made the cut i.e your boyfriends or husbands. So now we gotta discuss the other angle to investigative journalism which involves checking phones, emails, etc. This is a topic that has come up a million times for discussion on social media and my stance remains the same – I will check a man's phone every now and then. Knowledge is power!

 During a recent cycle of the wash, rinse and repeat Twitter discussion on checking a man's phone, someone I follow stated that she used to do a weekly sweep of all her man's devices in her relationship, and I got a very good chuckle out of that. On my part, my approach is this…I won't always go out of my way to snoop look through a man's phone and similiar devices but if a bruv leaves his phone in my line of vision, I'm definitely going to go through it every now and then and satisfy my curiosities. If I sit down and see an email inbox open, I will take a quick glance through it. There is no shame in my game.

In fact, as some of you may remember, I once blogged about an ex whose email I happened to stumble across (and in this case, I didn't set out to check, I logged on and he was still signed in), and thanks to my quick sweep of the inbox, I discovered some very incriminating deets including an email professing serious love for a female that he had known for an century and some...as in some "I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you". Hian! based on those findings, I quickly exited the budding relationship and you know, down the line, the bruv actually apologized to me and confessed that he had been fooling himself all along thinking that he had moved on from that girl. He eventually moved across oceans to be with the girl and today they are married. See how investigative journalism saved my heart and my ego? I would have been there playing second fiddle to another woman if I hadn't stumbled across all of that. Needless to say, I have been a firm believer in seizing opportunities to investigate a bruv ever since then because if you ask me, that was a God-sent opportunity and my Lord did save me from a life of playing second best to another woman.

On the flip, I know some women who are definitely not about the investigative journalism life and I can understand their stance too. The thing fit give pesin HBP when your eye come nack the thing wey you never see before, but I personally would rather be aware and informed than to live in blissful ignorance. And even if a bruv has nothing to hide and the search comes out clean, at least I know that I saw and confirmed that with my korokoro eyes.

And, as usual...that is all she said.

Happy Independence Day Nigeria!

Have a great rest of your week y'all.Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-58001189542078401472014-09-10T21:56:00.000-04:002014-10-01T00:12:13.279-04:00Memo to Single Girls: Go on That DateI recently befriended this really cool Naija babe at work, and as a fine babe like her is concerned, there's a good looking African American young man who works in the client's IT department that is interested in her. He has asked her out more than once and she declined his offers. But since he's a persistent guy, he recently popped up again with his interest and even asked the Administrative Assistant on the project to please put a good word in for him. I think that he gets an A for effort.
So one day I observed the guy well, and noted that he truly no bad at all and so I asked my friend why she was not feeling the guy's ring tone. The first thing she said was "Abeg he's cute and all, but I'm looking for a Naija man jare". My response to her was that it shouldn't be a do or die affair, and at least one lunch date wouldn't kill her. In my opinion, it's something different to do + nothing beats a free lunch, but that's just me.

I find that a lot of us Naija babes (especially in the abroad) tend to restrict our dating lives because we have this long term vision of the single family home with the well-manicured lawn filled with 3 beautiful children that we created with our NIGERIAN husbands. One Jermaine with all the right credentials approaches us and it's an automatic "Nahhh" because he's not Nigerian and so based on that you also decline the invitation to go out somewhere for dinner/drinks/coffee. I'm not here to preach to anyone about expanding their dating territory, but what's wrong with going on one date at the very least? Like I said, it's something to do, it's a free lunch/dinner, and it beats sitting home doing nothing while waiting for the Naija husband to ride up in his BMW and swoop you off your feet. Plus, you just never know…maybe that one date with Jermaine could lead to an unexpected sonthing. But look, even if it doesn't…at least you went on the date.

My approach to dating is "just do it". I might not necessarily think that anything major will come out of it, but if I find a man to be decent looking and decent seeming (important keywords as I won't advocate for dates with every Tom, Dick, and Harry), I'll give him at least one shot. I had this moment of randomisity in the past where the stars aligned in my favor and for a stretch of time; I was meeting a new dude practically every month. Ironically, they were Naija guys. And I was going on dates which were nice and not all the typical "dinner and movies" thing… It was a good and fun experience albeit a bit tiring (which is the downside of dating). Nothing concrete and lasting came out of those dates but I'm glad that I gave each of those guys a chance and added the different experiences to my book of experiences. When the stars stopped aligning and I went back to the life of being a dry babe, I was quite happy to revert to my standard Friday night dates of Jollof rice + IrokoTV/Netflix. Dating can indeed be tiring but it was a good experience and I'm glad I didn't just sit at home and spend every Friday night indoors holding out for Mr. Right and missing out on some good outings and the chance to get dressed and look pretty.

Ultimately I'm aware that there needs to be a balance between having a full calendar filled with dates for every single Friday vs. sitting in and watching Redbox movies on DVD while waiting for Mr. Right to appear but the way I see it is – these are our single years and the time to "get out there and live it up" (in the words of my married friend* -To which I always tell her that its easier said than done, but I do get her drift sha). I think that a lot of us tend to not "live it up" as much especially as we get older and think that "ahhh, what am I doing going on meaningless dates when I should be focusing on the long term view of the walk down the aisle". To which I would advise anybody thinking such to please get their date on if bobos are asking. The same way that most of us wouldn't refuse to work until we land our dream jobs is the same way that we should accept more dates if they are offered to us, while keeping an eye out for the Tunde to arrive. Afterall, what does it profit a woman to be jonzing in dryness when you can be out there chopping steak on another man's dime and getting your socializing on in the process. Abeg abeg, me I like a free lunch and a good time sha...hehehehe. But jokes aside, ya digs my drift?

That's all I'm saying really. The tori no be long.

*PS:- I asked said married friend what she would have done differently as a single gal and she said that she would have done more, lived more, and gone on more dates. According to her, you get married and realize that in the end, all the stuff you cared about or fretted about as a single girl doesn't really matter in the grand scheme. She also wisely pointed out that you have years and years to be married (if God grants both of you long life), and not enough years to enjoy and live it up as a single girl. So listen to my wise friend ladies and do more to live it up…at least I know that I'll try to.

Peace and Love.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-28900671595372250992014-06-30T23:47:00.001-04:002014-06-30T23:51:05.011-04:00The Splitting Etiquette and other Money-Related MusingsThe other day, I hung out with a couple of coworkers. We went to this spot for happy hour, during which 2 of the girls ordered steaks and a couple of the guys ordered plenty plenty drinks including 2 rounds of shots for the whole table. Me I jejely respected my small appetite for that night and ordered a side of fries and 2 drinks on the happy hour menu...which came out to about $18. So tell me why at the end of the night, when that almost $400 bill came, the girls casually threw out the "Do you guys just wanna do an even split?" and I had to give them the slow blink like...NAWL. I mean, that proposed even split was going to be like $45 a person, a whole $27 difference from my original bill. Nope. Nah. Nawl. Can I list all the things that an extra $27 in my pocket can do for me? Oooh let me count the ways:

1. Go thrifting and pick up like 6 baffs. Looking like a bag of money without spending a bag of money, Kimon!
2. A fresh to death pedi
3. Bunch of stuff I don't need from my beloved Target
4. 1.5 tubes of MAC lipsticks (since them clowns raised lipstick prices to $16 now), or like 5 NYX lipsticks...even better yet, an entire collection of Wet 'n' Wild lipsticks.

Errr....need I go on?

I could sense that the girls weren't exactly feeling my response, because there was some talk and mumbling of "I totally understand and wouldn't want folks to carry additional costs that they didn't incur but I really dislike the process of manually calculating everybody's individual costs". Eziokwu? Who are we forming for here kwanu? I mentally yimu'ed at alladat and continued to sip my drink. If I had wanted a steak, I would have ordered one but please please, $45 for some basic ass french fries and 2 drinks on the happy hour menu is plain ridiculousness. Meanwhile, on the other hand, one of those guys was pained at the idea of having to pay for his individual costs of the million drinks that he ordered for himself because according to him, "It should have been a split since he and one other guy bought 2 rounds of shots for the table". I literally choked at that. Na who send am to buy shots for the table kwanu? Yimu on a hundred thousand trillion bro.

Hey, maybe some thoughts of "see this cheapskate" or "Dang, just an extra $27…not that serious sis" crossed some minds but in the end, we paid for our individual purchases and all lived happily ever after. No lele.

So here's my stance on splitting: I'm not anti a reasonable even split if it falls into a very reasonable range but camaaan guys, I ain't finna pay almost $30 more than what I actually spent in the name of your convenience or me looking like it's no biggie, when it actually is. I just think that when presented with situations like that, there is no shame and game in speaking up. Worst case, you won't be invited to the next planned outing at some expensive Steakhouse because folks think that you're cheap, but in the end, your money remains in your pocket and you'll be all the happier for that.

Please, if you're one of those #teamsplit, abeg do it within reason or do it with people who won't blink at an additional $30 tacked ontop their bill. It's also really annoying when you #teamsplit huff and puff at people who aren't down for the split like they are cheap. Not cool, darlings.

In other musings....
Recently, there was that big hullabaloo around Simi (Dr. Sid's fiancé) and her Vegas Bachelorette party that happened but aint really happen. Some folks on Twitter were mad, talking about "why would she plan a party in Vegas and put all that pressure on her friends to attend from Naija" and my response to that is: Why not? I believe that everybody is entitled to their dream destination location for any event that they plan to host, and I am also entitled to say no if my budget doesn't agree with it. I am all for traveling and would try my best to attend a fabuloso destination wedding in some exotic zones but if tickets to your exotic location are out of my range, then it will have to be a no. By the time I spend like 2 grand on a ticket, how much will I now spend on food, a hotel, transportation etc etc? It will have to be an automatic decline, sorry. I think that all the drama surrounding Simi and her supposedly failed Bachelorette getaway could have been avoided if those flaky friends had simply said "Babe, Vegas sounds awesome but I won't be able to make it because I can't afford it". It could have been that simple, and awon "Sidney and I have excommunicated you" could have been avoided, but dah wellz.

If more people weren't shy to decline or say no to things that are not in their budget, things would be so much simpler. If you're my people, I will do my best to show up and show out for you, and my peoples definitely gotta know that I'm no cheapskate by any means but I have my limits for everything and when things are out of my limit or just not on my radar, then it ain't happening. That's how some guy recently invited me to his upcoming cookout and asked me to bring a bottle of Ciroc or Grey Goose...I said "you mean those $50 drinks? You have serious jokes sha" and he quickly backtracked on some "Just bring whatever you can afford". As it should be! No be small Ciroc or Grey Goose like say I be P.Diddy. Na me dey host the cookout?

Abeg no long thing for here. The moral of this entire cool tale is...Just say no. It won't kill you and it most certainly will not kill your wallet.

The end. Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-75697282078863840602014-03-24T21:20:00.000-04:002014-03-24T21:25:54.286-04:00In Defense of the Young'unsI know quite a few women who have been there and done that with younger men and have sworn off them. They say that all the young'uns they encountered turned out to be jerks and so they have washed their hands off dabbling in that dating pool. My response to them has always been that a natural born jerk will always be a jerk, and in my opinion, age has nothing do with a man's behavior.
Then there are the other women who have had no experience with younger men, but just instantly dismiss them because they are younger and God forbid, that's a no-no. Which begs the question? – Why is the idea of dating or getting married to a younger man such a no go area to some women?
Imagine a scenario where the correct man of your dreams approaches you, and checks off most things on your list. But ring the alarm because he's 26 and you're 28 – Instant grounds for dismissal. And I don't understand it, because if I ran into such a guy, I would snatch him up instantly. Young'un or not.

Let me just put it out there that I have nothing against dating a younger man. Now, this is a recent development, as the advantage of getting older is that you can afford to go younger and not seem like you are robbing the cradle. As a 30 year old, my ideal range/limit on the lower end is 27 and I can afford to do this now because I'm sure that there are quite a number of mature 27 year old men out there (if I carry torchlight to look for them). As you can see, I would have absolutely no problem dating a man who is 3 years younger than me as long as he can be the man, and is mature. Same applies to men who are older than me too…just be the man and be mature. I have a strong personality so even if you're 40 years old, if I feel like I can walk over you then it's a wrap. If I ran into a 27/28 year old who could hold his own, trust and believe that his age would be no hindrance to me. Age is mainly nothing but a number as long as you know how to act like a grown up. So I'm all about giving younger men a fair opportunity, and I promise you all that I'm no Lagos Cougar :-D.
I'm just the type of approach people and treat them as individuals independent of any stereotypes until they show themselves…this approach also applies to younger men. To me, they are still men and will act like a typical man every now and then but until they show their jerkish, immature ways, then they are fair game.

The good news is that these days some ladies are getting hip to the younger men and giving them a fair chance. I've seen about 4 marriages in my church where the age difference between the older wives and younger husbands range from 5-3 years. Still thriving, still surviving. In fact, one of them was even 29 when she married her 24 year old husband and I wasn't even mad at that at allll. Age is just some digits my people. Just the other day, I hung out with my friend and her younger boyfriend and the girl was just shining 32 anyhow in love, cheesiness and happiness, as in she seemed so happy and I was absolutely loving it. The boy is so good to her and if she had discriminated against the guy, she would have missed out on that gem. So, I think that once we learn to let go of some stereotypes and what other people think, we can greatly learn to expand our dating pools and bring on more opportunities for ourselves. All my ladies, oya kukere!

One other thing that fueled my decision to not discriminate against the young'uns is that I realized how some men my age or slightly older stay discriminating against ladies in my age range. You see all these dudes that wait till they are 37 to settle down…and who do they go for when they decide to settle? Odds are they target women under 30. In fact, the other day I was teasing this 33 year old guy that I know who is boo'ed up to some 23 year old girl, and I said dang boy, you had to go all the way down to 23 though? The boy laughed and said "no offense ehn, but I was absolutely not checking for any woman in that 28 and up range". And then some other guys in the group joined in on the fun talking about "I feel you bro, get them while they are still fresh". See what I mean? The discrimination is real people, so might as well pitch your tent where people are actually checking for you.

However, I won't end this post with a rose colored view on dating the young'uns. So I'm just going to acknowlede the challenges of dating a young'un and summarize a few pointers here:

I think that the main challenge of dipping in the younger end of the dating pool is opposition from family members. It's like "OMG, our son/brother/nephew/cousin CANNOT marry this woman and her shriveled up eggs". Even if you are 5 months older than a man, his family will probably be against it most especially if they are African. Not to mention being a few years older so I'll recommend that y'alls age difference should be a secret between you two which you can feel free to reveal after y'all have tied the knot. But before then, please keep it under wraps and between yourselves. One of my family friends lost the "love of his life" because his aunties ranted and rebeled against him marrying the older woman that he really wanted to be with and the boy succumbed to family pressure. And you know what I realized? It's always women in the family that will be blocking you and that younger man's love. Like ahn ahn, as a fellow woman, do you not realize how real the struggle is? Smh.

One popular concern that I hear about dating younger men is "women age faster than men" and "down the line, I will be looking like his mother". I call bollocks on that one. I highly doubt that you're going to wrinkle faster than him, or look like his mother in 10 years. Just stay fresh, take care of you (as you should be doing regardless of whether he's 26 or 40) and you should be fine.

And ultimately, you need a young'un with a backbone. If you feel like he's not the type of young'un that you would respect then don't even set yourself up. You need a young'un that will stand up to you, call you out on your nonsense and tell you "I might be just 24 but I will put that azz in check" and you will promptly zip your lips and keep quiet. LOL.

So I hope that I have been able to convince and not confuse you regarding your next action when you run across a young'un in the near future. As opposed to saying "God Forbid" and picking race like your life depends on it, why not actually see what the dude is about. You never know, the man might be your future husboo that you would have dismissed because of a 2-year age difference. You just never know!

And that is all she said.
Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-51802982586729119842014-02-18T21:51:00.001-05:002014-02-18T21:51:48.489-05:00Social Media: The Oversharing FactorI am hella late with this my new year's greetings but better late than never my dear people. I just want to say a quick albeit very belated HAPPY NEW YEAR. I had all this gist of how my Holiday season went (trip to Dubai with Taynement + Aberdeen to visit my dearest dearest sister) and how much fun I had + a mini review of 2013 but it's too late now. Regardless, happy new year darlings…may your 2014 be the your best year yet. Amin!!!

Sooo onto the gist of the day and right in line with the recent departure of the almighty Valentines day aka Falemtines Day aka #Singleswereaware #Wesurvivedthetension #Netflixwasmyboo etc etc...I contemplated the oversharing thing and could only shake my head. I mean, we all knew that Valentines day would have our Instagram, Facebook and Twitter timelines fresh with the onslaught of pictures and gifts but at some point, I had to ask myself – What did we do before social media? Because obviously at this rate, everybody has the mentality of "If I don't share it, then it didn't happen".
But look, I wasn't even mad at those Vals day updates at all. As awon babes dey post picture, me I dey balance to look. There was even one particular couple who had a Pre-Vals day treasure hunt, and ol' girl posted every step of the treasure hunt for her Instagram followers (the end result was a box of chocolates). Somehow the screenshot of the hunt ended up floating across my Twitter timeline and after having a good laugh at the bants the screenshot caused, I was like "Wait o, so this babe really took time out to snap pictures of every step of this treasure hunt to upload to Instagram? Odiegwu". Oversharing tinz.
That aside, everybody else and their mama had their flowers, cakes, chocolates, Louboutins, G-wagons, washing machines and refridgerators, Zanottis (true talk – these were all gifts that various babes recieved) proudly displayed on their various Instagram pages and I was chilling in the cut, observing it all. I could literally imagine these females getting their gifts, quickly pulling out their phones to take pictures and then uploading said pictures online before they actually turned to their partners to say thank you.

The shenanigans of Valentines day aside, I've realized that people just love to overshare the minute details of their lives on social media. All these celebs that give Linda Ikeji and other such blogs fodder for posts are a prime example. I mean, look at our sister Chika Ike's heavily documented shopping trip to Dubai. Sotay she had someone photograph her as a Michael Kors salesperson was handing over a shopping bag to her at the sales register. I had to bow.
Celebrities aside, we regular folks are just as guilty. I remember my friend once told me that someone on Twitter was surprised that she worked out, and it was like if you don't flood your timeline with #fitfam #Gymflow #Spincycletinz, then nobody believes that you actually go to the gym. Tweet it or it didn't happen.

Long story short, you gotta share every bit of it or we won't believe you. This must explain some of the nonsense that I see across the various social media vehicles...

Like those people who manage to fly first class and like I said, if they don't upload a picture of their boarding passes, then that first class flight didn't happen. I've seen a few ratchets folks upload their boarding passes showing us that they have first class seats and premier flight status on the airline of their choice. I be like "K boo".

Or those other people who go out and buy expensive gadgets or expensive shoes/bags, and as true and tested social media oversharers, GOTTA give us an "unboxing video" with the appropriate caption of "My new baby/babies just arrived". It's only science that they do this or else they didn't just blow a wad of cash for the internet population not to know that they made a big splurge. It's only science.

Those girls that cook for their man and won't allow him to eat the food in peace. They must also let the internet know that they cooked talmbout "Just cooked for my baby...xxx". Okay sisters, we will surely add money to your brideprice you hear?

How about those guys who will buy a new luxury car and upload new Facebook album with about 20 pictures of the new car. You might as well include pictures of the title and registration for us too o. May your driver's license too sef. All join.

And the one that absolutely kills me is all these up and coming young'uns who think that it's cool to upload pictures of them smoking weed because ya know, smoking anything that isn't nicotine is so cool and everybody on social media gotta see how much of a badazz that you are. Oversharing fail. A real epic one. Why can't you just smoke your joint in the quietness of your home? If it doesn't enter Instagram then we don't know that you're the hottest/baddest abi? I'm getting you guys.

Look, I am just not one to overshare information, so it is easy for me to sit and wonder how some people do it. For the fact that most of us are on one form of social media or the other means that some elements of information about us will get out there. But we gotta draw the line between "elements of information" and "too much information". If you put a good percentage of yourself out there, then where is the mystery to your life? Everything doesn't have to be displayed for the world to see. Let people wonder about you, as opposed to you feeding them every single tidbit of information. A word is enough for the wise but if you choose to be foolish, I aint mad. Your life, my entertainment.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-79010658283231368652013-12-10T22:40:00.000-05:002013-12-10T22:41:07.914-05:00The Superficial Reasons Behind Why You Didn't Get Chose
Ya know sometimes when men reject us women, we go on a self-blaming spree…

"Oh, if only I knew how to swing off chandeliers"
"Oh, if only I could cook like Lohi O"
"Oh, if only had been more expressive and shown him how much I cared"
"Oh, if only I hadn't been as thirsty and made him wait a little"
"Oh, if only I was more of a wifey material"

Blahblahblahblahyadiyadiyadiya.
In our minds, if we had been a little more awesome or perfect and exhibited the traits of a true wife material, we would have gotten CHOSE. But have we ever stopped to acknowledge our current and existing awesomeness and think that "Maybe it really wasn't me. Maybe it was him"?

I'm not saying that we ladies should live in denial and not improve where we can but sometimes no matter how awesome you are, a man will still next you or not make it official with you because of his purely superficial reasons based on things that you might not be able to control. I've had pretty random convos with the guys in the past that opened my eyes to how superficial some men can be or how they have all these really nitpicky criteria that will get you a failing grade no matter how hard you try. For instance, some guy once told me that he nexted a girl in the past strictly because she had no nyash (booty). According to him, she was cute and really decent but he just couldn't get past the nyashless factor. I couldn't believe my ears, so I asked him "You mean to tell me that if you met a woman who had 9 out of 10 of the attributes that you look for in a woman but had no nyash, she's dismissed" and he said yes. He then tried to explain that nyash is a pretty important factor for him in selecting a woman and that if he ends up with a woman with no nyash, he's definitely going to cheat. He also said that he needed to feel proud of the woman that he had on his arm if he's showcasing her in public and so her body had to be on point, nyash inclusive. I hit him with the O__O eyes and wished him good luck in his search. The sad thing is that this man will probably end up with some big booty dimepiece in the future because you know, men have the playing field with plenty options and can afford to be entirely foolish and get away with it. Such is life.

I've heard about other dismissal criteria that sounded really crazy to me, such as:
"She looked like she had the tendency to get fat after kids"
"She was too tall. I wouldn't want to end up with a woman over 5'9"
"She wasn't Nigerian so I knew that I was definitely not going to wife her" – This came from a man who dated said non Nigerian girl for 3 years. When I formed Voltron defender of the Universe and berated him for leading the poor girl on, he simply shrugged and said that bodi no be wood. He was keeping her around until he found something better.
"I wouldn't marry a woman with darker skin tone than me"
"She had no swag or presence"
Etc etc.

Yep, I've listened to men tell me all of the above and more…and no matter how irritated I was by their reasoning, I knew that my vex couldn't boil indomie because like I said, it is a man's world and no matter how foolish a man might be with his reasoning, there's going to be at least 20 women out there that fit his specifications and criteria. He's going to dismiss your ass and move right onto the next chick who fits his criteria and you have no option but to deal with it. Tough world mayne!
Because women outnumber men and because we are generally more accommodating, we aren't as critical or picky. We might say that we want a tall, strong, dark and handsome swaggalicious fella with a great job and doing XYZ, but if we meet a man who doesn't fall into our ideal height or weight range but happens to check off most of our boxes, I bet we would be willing to compromise as opposed to an instant dismissal. Heck, a lot of women will even work with a guy if he only checks off 5 out of 10 things on her list. It's a tough life that we live in this man's world but it is what it is.

Oh, and you know one thing that I realized? Men will have all their high end criteria for what they want in a serious relationship or marriage but when it comes to just kicking it and sleeping with you, alllll of that relaxes. For instance, someone once told me that while he had slept with a lot of Igbo women and had no problem kicking it with them, he knew that he would never marry an Igbo woman for a bunch of reasons.

So there you have it. No matter what you did and didn't do, some men will dismiss you for things that are beyond your control such as your height, maybe your weight, the color of your skin, your nationality, origin, and tribe, age and what have you. This is honestly why I'm never mad too mad at a woman who is supposedly "picky" or a woman who does her own dismissing and the world is looking at her like she's crazy. Like "omg, he looks good on paper and he has a great job and blahblah. Maybe he will grow on you". Umm no. I'm like look, a man will NEXT you in a heartbeat if you're not his spec so please if he's not your spec, don't be shy to say bye bye too. Sometimes we females can be over-accommodating on some "let me go out on this 10th date with him and see". Date 10 kwa? Me thinks that if you haven't seen that sonthing by Date 4 then it probably isn't meant to be. Remember, most men won't even give you Date 2 sef. No be small thing my people.

The good news is that there are also a host of other fellas out there who don't buy into the ridiculous mentality of being extra-superficial and who will be more than accepting of you and everything that got you dismissed with the last guy. Until you find them in their hidden locations, what can I say? Continue to do you. Any man who dismisses you for his own superficial reasons doesn't deserve your time and energy in the first place.

And that is all she said.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-68131126203181395002013-10-28T20:41:00.001-04:002013-10-28T20:41:32.478-04:00Social Media: The Oppression FactorI was recently discussing social media with my friend and told her "Man, social media can be one hella oppressive place". And this is the truth. It's like no matter how immune you feel to it all, there's going to be something out there in the cyber world that will find your Achilles heel and feast on it. There's always somebody out there who has what you want, or seems to be doing way better in life than you are doing.

After years of wondering how the hell Instagram (IG) worked, I finally joined it and gotta attest that those visuals alone can work their magic. Everything just looks so glossy and fancy, and everybody looks "rich as f***" (in the words of my favorite Uncle 2chainzzzz). I just be perusing sometimes and wondering "which levels na? When I go hammer reach?" However, the funny thing is that not everything posted on social media is supposed to be oppressive but somehow they get to you depending on whether it's your thing or not.

A few examples…

That person that stays posting pictures of their countless vacations and trips. You name the place, and they've been there. And you're feeling the oppression because to afford one solo vacation requires you to give up so much while for some others it seems like they have an unending supply of money, time, and resources.

That other person that posted pictures of plenty plenty high end shopping bags and gave a shoutout to their wonderful husband/boyfriend on some "Shout outs to my baby for spoiling me. Love you boo!" and you can't help but dash one side eye to your hardworking husband/boo who works so hard to make you happy but somehow his level of hard work never reach Neiman Marcus and Saks. And even if designer names aren't your thing, it could be something else that you would love to have in your life but you and your man can't afford it (e.g. Macbook, Ipad, BB10, Samsung S4 etc etc. Pick your poison and there's a woman out there posting a picture of it and hailing her boo.

That person that keeps tensioning you with pictures of their weight loss journey. It seems like they step on a treadmill and instantly lose 10lbs. Meanwhile you are out here struggling to lose weight even though you've been eating right and working out for the past 2 months. See, things like this aren't even supposed to be oppressive but I know that sometimes they are.

That other one that is always doing #Himship #Goinghometomyman #Mybabyboo up and down the place with plenty coupled up pictures to boot. You haven't even had a negro say hi to you in the last 8 months, talk less of a man to go home to. O diro easy.

Let's shift from IG real quick and enter Twitter and Facebook…
You're seeing tweets and status updates like "God is Good! I passed my MCAT on the first try and I'm interviewing to get into *insert the medical school of your dreams*" and you're wondering when this same good God is going to do it for you. You've taken the MCAT at least 2x now…

Or

That husband that posts a picture of the brand new car that he just bought for his wife in honor of her giving him some bouncing baby boys and girls and you're feeling that oppression because you and your spouse have been trying for children for God knows how many years.

I can go on and on but it's so much stuff on social media that get to at least every one of us depending on the things in life that are doing you.

For some of us it's marriage of course. Even for me who mainly doesn't feel the societal pressure of marriage, every single time that I log into that place called Facebook, the first things assailing my eyes are at least 3 people's engagement photo shoots, traditional weddings, white weddings and all things weddings and I'm like "Whoa! Are there any single people left in this world?? Am I going to be the last woman standing in this single struggle?" I tire.

For some it's career…folks be posting about working in places and fields that we would love to work in talking about "I love my job…so blessed.xx" and oppression sets in when you think about the million and one resumes that you've sent out and the million and one rejection letters/emails that you received. I remember when I was in college and wanted to work for PWC so badly (after they rejected my ass) and it used to pepper me when all the accounting kids in my school would update their professional networks on Facebook to PWC. It wasn't a game yo.

For some it's material goods. You're looking at all the cars, gadgets, bags, shoes that your mates are enjoying and wondering when you will be able to afford to buy such fancy things without drinking garri for 2 months.

For some it's the fertility issue. You really want kids and have been trying for ages, and everybody around you is sharing pictures or stories of their little ones. This is also not meant to be oppressive I'm sure but we are only human and I bet something like that would get to me every now and then if I was in that boat.

For others it's just a person's overall packaging. Some people just seem to have their lives so well put together. Great jobs, probably did something like buy a house when they were 25, if they are female they probably got married at 28, had their 2 kids by 31 and bounced back to size 4 frames in 5 seconds, seemingly great husbands, and a seemingly great life…and they are out there on your web feed of whatever your social media poison is, oppressing the heck out of little ol' you who is trying to get a handle on something in your life.

E no easy my people.

What do you do? I have a friend who doesn't do Facebook or Instagram (very smart girl). I think that's a definite start to curb the oppression in your life and learn to stay in your lane. But if you're like me and you like to keep these forms of media open for small amebo purposes, the next best thing to do is to try and rein it in sometimes. You don't gotta be on social media every single day. Sometimes a break is good from all the shenanigans, especially if you are down in the dumps and not feeling that great about yourself. The last thing that you want to see is somebody happily posting pictures or talking about something when you're feeling some type of way about that particular something. My final word on this: In the words of my wise friend "Social media is filled with a lot of smoke and mirrors" aka things are not always what they seem. I remember a story about somebody who posted a picture of her brand new designer bag gifted to her by her "dearest husband" only for us to get behind the scenes of the story and find out that her so-called dearest husband had beaten her the week before and then bought her the bag to apologize for his behavior. Of course we saw a picture of the bag…a picture of the black eyes nko? Not so much. I'm sure somebody out there was feeling oppression on 3 levels: 1. Husband 2. Dear Husband 3. Expensive Bag. So just goes to show that while some people are truly living the life, not everybody is truly living the life so don't be too quit to turn a bright shade of green when you read about or see how some people are doing it up.

And that my people, is all she said.

Have a great rest of the week.Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-63082700016817263032013-10-07T22:54:00.000-04:002013-10-07T22:54:24.338-04:00What's So Special About Your Family Name Anyway?I not-so recently had the following conversation with one of my male cousins:
Cousin (talking about my uncle who recently re-married after his first wife's death): How is Ikenna's new wife sef?

Me: I really dig her and I think she's great with the kids.

Cousin: Hmmm, I hear she's almost 40 and so I wonder why Ikenna married someone who was that old. I'm concerned about her child bearing capabilities because you know Ikenna really wants a son and so that was one of the reasons why he got married again.

Me: So I heard o, but abegi, after 6 daughters, what is he finding with a son again? I think that he just needs someone to help him take care of his girls…besides, in this same quest for a son, he ended up with a boatload of girls, so I think he should just relax and fashy this matter of having a son. What if the next one that comes is a girl too?

Cousin: You don't understand. Ikenna wants someone to carry on with the family's name and so I don't see a problem if he wants a son. After all, most men want sons that can carry on with the family's name…

Me: Na wa for you men and your fixation with sons to carry on the family's name. So if you and your wife have a bunch of daughters, would that be an issue?

Him: By God's grace, I know that will not be our portion.

Me: *Zipped lips and quickly moved on to the next topic*

And that was that, as I jejely minded my business and dropped the matter.

And then in the more recent past, I was talking to somebody who has 2 daughters and wife who is expecting one more child. He said that he really hopes that the 3rd one is a boy as he wants at least one son. And so I posed the same question that I posed to my cousin – If you guys have a bunch of daughters, would it be an issue? His response was – "Houston, we would have a problem" before he quickly interjected with "Just kidding". But I wasn't buying it…
I asked him why some men are so hung up on having sons and he gave me the very typical "I want somebody to carry the family name and to inherit everything that I've worked for". He then added "My daughters will get married and join another man's family and everything that I've worked for will go to another man's son (i.e. his daughters future husbands), so I want a son who will inherit the fruit of my hard work" . I said ookay and kept it moving. I couldn't even pretend to understand it because I didn't and I still don't.

All of this talk got me thinking about all these men that keep on harping about wanting a son to carry on with their family name. I mean absolutely no disrespect and all, but the pressing questions that I have are: What is so special about you and your family name? What is so wonderful about your legacy? What exactly are your sons supposed to be carrying on?

I totally understand wanting a son because you want to do daddy-son things like going to watch a basketball game or whatever it is that sons do with their fathers. What I don't understand is wanting a son because you want them to carry your name forward.
The way I see it and with the way that our generation is going, I doubt that in the long run, anyone is checking for you and your lineage. Like someone once said, if you're not a Dangote, Adenuga, or any of those big names, why should we be concerned about your so-called family name? I mean, what great thing have you done that you want people to be carrying on your family name? Like I said, no disrespect to you men out there and the family names that you hold so dearly to your hearts, but I think it's beyond absurd to still be on about this whole "I want a son to carry my family name forward" in this day and age. Feel free to shed light if you want to help me understand.

Who says that your daughters cannot also bring recognition to your family and carry on your so-called family name? In my opinion, if I do anything epic in this lifetime, whether I am married or single, people will always say "that is Papa Mgbeke's daughter", or "she comes from so and so's family". Look at the Adenuga's for instance…even though that he has a married daughter, I always think of her first as Bella Adenuga, the daughter of Adenuga. People know her as her father's daughter first, before they recognize her as her husband's wife…if that makes sense.

Now, imagine a scenario where you have a son who turns out to be some notorious serial killer or something crazy. That your precious son will send your family name that you worked so hard for, to the pits. So much for carrying on the family name, guys. So, really my dear brothers, I will keep this short…boy or girl, whichever one God gives you, please take it and be content with it. Treat your daughters with respect and view them as more than able and capable to take on and bring pride and joy to your family name. And really, if you haven't worked for shiz and are just a regular average 9-5 Joe, sit back, relax and ask yourself what exactly you even want your imaginary sons to carry on.

*Rides my blazing chariot out of Blogsville*

Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-90717193569495408122013-08-19T22:17:00.001-04:002013-08-19T22:21:57.922-04:0030A few weeks ago, yours truly hit the big ol' grand age of three zero. For some unknown reason, I have always looked forward to turning 30. In fact, I've always looked upon the 30's as the period where you start to really come into your own and really know yourself. The 30's are when you go from a "spring chicken" to "fine wine" (Totally stole that one from Kelly Rowland). Plus, in my opinion, it's that age where you can finally start claiming to be grown and people actually start taking you a bit more seriously. In general, I really can't explain it but I was pretty excited to turn 30…and I had an amazing birthday as well. Big big shout-outs to my big sister who made it one to remember. I truly truly love that babe.

I remember my mom once told me that on her 30th birthday, she was so depressed. According to her, that was her worst birthday ever, because she was so sad that she was officially "old". I had a good laugh at that one. In comparison, I do not feel old or anything close to it…I think that I will officially start to feel like I'm getting up there (but not quite old actually) when I hit the 40 year mark but till then, let's rock and roll baby! According to Nigerian Twitter, I'm at the age where I should only be tweeting for "networking purposes" and not for bants as per old age stuvvs. To that, I say…who gon' check me boo??? Watch me turn 40 and still be all up in there. There's no rules or regulations to these things.

I was reading my most recent September 2013 issue of Glamour Magazine and Olivia Wilde has an article in there titled the "Do's and Don'ts of Turning 30". My interest was peaked even further when I read that Olivia is "defying all Hollywood stereotypes by being excited to turn 30". I was like heyyy that's definitely my type of girl. And I did enjoy reading her do's and don'ts because it reminded me of something that I would write…so I figured that I would share a short, summarized version because I thought it was a fun read for anyone approaching 30, who just turned 30, or even well into their 30's. If you want to read the full thing, then go and buy your own Glamour :-D
So here are Olivia's tips (summarized and in a nutshell):

1. DON'T freak out about all the brilliant people who accomplished more than you by 30
2. DO enjoy your sexual prime – According to Professor Alfred Kinsey, women really start heating up in their 30s.
3. DON'T cut your face – Take care of yourself now that you're old enough to know how. Drink water, get enough sleep, and don't go near a tanning booth.
4. DO travel – This is probably the last time until retirement that you won't be considered a bad person for booking a last minute ticket to Morocco because you damn well feel like it. You're old enough to know where not to go e.g. Cancun but young enough to feel guilt-free being entirely unreachable.
5. DON'T propose to the next guy you meet just because you worry he'll be your last chance at lifelong companionship– Sure, you might have attended more bridal showers than yoga classes, but that doesn't mean that you're destined to be a craggy spinster, searching for roommates on Craigslist at 50.
6. DON'T feel pressured to pop out kids – Wait for the right partner and make sure you're where you want to be in life before picking neighborhoods based on school districts.
7. DO reap the benefits of your accumulated wisdom – You're 30: You know stuff now…your 20's were for messing up and learning from those mistakes. Now you get to live with knowledge under your belt…and make it a nice belt too. You're 30, stop dressing like a hobo.
8. DO learn a new skill – You've already lived longer than most women in the 13th century, so why not look at your thirtieth as a rebirth?
9. DON'T be bogged down by your past – Make this next go-around whatever you want it to be…consider your baggage (bad boyfriends, job setbacks, body issues) lost by the airline of life.
Her closing note? "That's it. Now, go and be awesome". And I say a big amen to that!

So if you're dreading the big 3-0 or just turned 30 and you're hating it…why should you? It's a great age group to be in so embrace it. And if you're in your 30's and you're loving it then more grease to your elbows. Keep on rocking it and don't feed into all the notions about where and what you should be doing in your 30's.

And this is where I shall leave ye folks. Just wanted to peek my head in and say wazaaap. It has been a minute and I need to get my lazy butt off and actually do a real blog post. That, I will soon enough but till then...have a fantabulous rest of the week folks!

And that is all she said.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-59089268985006909792013-06-11T23:44:00.000-04:002013-06-11T23:52:48.406-04:00Your Priorities, My PrioritiesAs some of you may remember, I wrote an article for Jaguda.com back in the day on my views about moving back to Naija. As expected, a lot of people tensioned my life for stating that I consider America to be home and love living in this country. Years later, that view has still not changed.

I was recently talking to a U.S. based someone who was championing the case for moving back to Nigeria. Per the typical argument, he said "there is money to be made in Nigeria" and how levels really dey. According to him, an annual salary of $150,000 for a U.S. resident is "rubbish" after paying all your bills and taxes. Odiegwu. I said "rubbish kwa? That's a very strong word o". I had to bite my tongue cos the next thing coming out of my mouth was going to be "Have you ever encountered $150k in your life sef?" but I said let me chill for guys. Nigerians sha. Just be yarning real opaks to prove some non-existent points. As in, 150,000 annual salary never reach me finish and I'm still able to pay my bills, save money, and live a pretty comfortable life so for one to say that $150k is rubbish so we need to move back to Nigeria where there is real money to be made is some real bullshit. I agree that there is money to be made in Nigeria, but that is an entirely separate argument that should not involve bashing people's annual salaries in the USD. Voltron force has spoken.

That shenanigans aside...besides this recent conversation, I have had a lot of discussions with people who champion the move back campaign with the magic words – "There is money to be made in Nigeria". I used to know this guy who went to college here and then moved back to Naija some years ago. So post-move, he visited Yanks and I have to give it to him, he was looking like a fresh Lagos Island bigz boiz and exuding the corresponding swag. During our meet-up, one of the first things that he said to me was "You guys are struggling with 9-5 jobs in this country? Move back home, there is money to be made". I said "I'm cool. If all of us move back home, we will finish the money for una na". Abi no be so? They will all be shouting move back, move back, instead of them to be happy that we are allowing them gather all the money while we "suffer" in obodo oyibo. Might I add that he was able to quickly make his own money because his father is a rich man in Lagos with connects? Uhn uhn…

However...I am not blind to the fact that people seem to be balling in Nigeria (or at least have packaged themselves well enough to give that impression). You look at these event red carpet pictures, and everybody and their mama is carrying $1100 Celine handbags like Celine handbags is agbalumo. High end brands like Louboutin, Prada, Chanel, just full ground anyhow like it's nothing. Now even Bentley has turned into pure water, and all the celebrities are buying Bentleys. To add to all of this, every other day on Linda Ikeji's blog, there are posts about people dropping millions of naira for Range Rovers and all kinds of shiny SUVs. Trust that I do not doubt that there is money in Nigeria and some people's pepper has seriously rested. Even on the "small scale" level self, someone that my friend knew came to America on a 3 week vacation and she brought $6,000 shopping money along with her. When my friend gisted me, I was like hohohoho! Where did it even begin to reach me that I would carry $6,000 for a shopping expedition to a foreign country? When I still have outstanding student loans, a car note and rent to pay?? That one surely fly pass me o, I ain't even going to front.

But even with the car note, student loans, taxes and all the obligations that I face as resident of the US of A, my complaints are minimal and I still love living in America. I acknowledge that I will probably never get to the Lagos or Abuja big babe level and I'm okay with it. I do like my relatively simple life and am not particularly driven to move back home and strike it big. Some may see this mentality as settling for less where I can be living a bigger and more ballerific lifestyle back home and they certainly are entitled to their opinion. See as I just listed student loans, rent, and a car note?… some people aren't here for that. Like the person that bashed the $150,000 annual salary pointed out, people making the big bucks back home are paying serious cash down for cars and eliminating debt with the scribble of a pen over a check (or cheque in Naija/Britico speak). When Linda Ikeji bought her 8 million naira SUV, I quickly pulled out calculator to see the USD equivalent and I had to mentally hail the babe. As for me, the ability to drop such thousands of dollars in cash down most definitely pass my power. If my Naija big babe counterparts are walking into a store and dropping $1200 cash on a designer bag, I on the other hand, would have to do a real opportunity cost assessment before I ever shelled out $1200 on a bag. So it's all a matter of priorities and what you want out of life and personally speaking, my wants aren't on a kentro level.

That said, to people who do wanna move home and pursue the "let's get this money dream", I'm not even mad at that. Whatever works for you. I think that my biggest irritation with such people, or people that have already moved back is that they think you are crazy for not wanting to do the same. It's all a matter of respecting opinions and recognizing that we have different priorities. Let it not be a long thing.

And that is all she said

PS:- I'm aware that not everyone that moves back home achieves the "Nigerian dream". I'm also aware that not everybody toting a Celine bag or driving a range is a legit baller...maybe they have Ariztos daddys, are involved in some shady business or something. For fair comparison purposes (because I work hard for my money), the money makers that I'm talking about in this post are the legit ones and not any 419 or arizto assisted versions.Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-12465204039137231622013-05-11T14:33:00.000-04:002013-05-11T14:41:39.492-04:00Wifey Material Points = Nonexistent
I realize that I tend to be a little too outspoken on these men/women issues especially when it comes to men's expectations of women. I remember visiting my sister in Aberdeen back in 2010, and we dropped by a family friend's house. Somewhere along the course of the evening, the man started yarning something about girlfriends and cooking. I forget exactly what it was, but I remember being very vocal about how no boyfriend of mine should expect me to cook for him. It is a privilege and not an obligation bro! I guess I was a little too vocal about my views. My poor sister was so surprised. She later coached me that I should learn to observe chill sometimes.

And then my male friend recently said the same thing. He said "you and this your gra gra, you know that could be a huge turn-off for men". The old me would have said "ehn, they should be turned off nah!" but the new me who is attempting to observe chill said "aight. I'll work on it". And "serzly", I'm trying to not always come off as the angry black raow raow woman who isn't trying to do jack for a man. I'm currently cracking up now sef 'cos I remember that someone once asked my friend why I, the Original Mgbeke, always seems to be so anti-cooking for a man. I guess her question was fueled by my outspoken views whenever the topic came up on shows like Gidilounge etc etc.
Let me put it out there people: I am not anti-cooking for a man. I will in fact cook 3 meals a day sef for a very very deserving boyfriend (Okay, I'm lying. That would actually be ONE meal a day boo) however, it absolutely gets my goat when men feel entitled to the things that us women do, or feel that women should be campaigning for the positions of wifey. With that, I will straight up tell you to kindly fly out of my line of vision. Narnsense.

So anyway, as I was saying…I am truly trying to observe chill and not always be popping off with my liberated views but sometimes these negros make it SO hard. Case in point, last week, I was on the commuter hustle with my really good male friend and 2 other African guys who I normally ride the train with. We were gisting and somehow, the topic of convo fell on men and their expectations of girlfriends. One of the guys said that he once asked a girlfriend to help him clean his bathroom and it really pissed him off that she said no. This is how the conversation went:

Guy 1 (The complainant): Imagine, she refused to saying that I shared the bathroom with my brother and so she didn't think it was right that she should clean up after us.
Guys 2 and 3: That's messed up bro.
Me: Let me get this straight. You asked your girlfriend to help you clean your bathroom. Was your hand broken? Did the doctor order you to not engage in any domestic duties for a week? Was she your housegirl? Was she paying rent in your house?
Guy 1: But if she's coming over to sleep and sees a dirty bathroom, she should definitely take the initiative to clean it. In fact I shouldn't have had to ask.
Guy 2: I agree. That's why these girls aren't getting wifed up. You all need to understand that you are pretty much auditioning for positions so you need put your best foot forward. You need to show men that you are domesticated.
Guy 1: That's right. I guess that's why that girl is still single self (Note: Guy1 is currently engaged to someone else)
Me: Guy 1, You are such a douchebag for that statement . And please, you men can save your silly auditions for a woman who cares about that nonsense. Best believe that I would not go to any man's house and clean his bathroom when I'm not paying rent in that house. Na beans?
Guy 3: Ehn but if you needed your tire to be changed, you would call a guy abi? If you need light bulbs to be changed, you would be paging guys.
Me: Those are such basic examples though! What's the big deal in changing a light bulb? Don't insult a woman's intelligence please. As for my tires, I can call triple A.
Me: Also, if we are talking about initiative, have you all as men ever taken the initiative to clean a girlfriend's dirty bathroom?
Guy 1: Why should we? As a woman, your bathroom shouldn't even be dirty to even begin with…
Me: All you African men are such clowns, it is very obvious. If any man expects me to clean his bathroom, then I guarantee you all that he is in a serious jonzing world.

***The snippet above is just a brief summary of the convo. Of course the conversation continued and before we parted ways, one of the guys told me to "Position myself" in regards to the matter of being seen as wifeable. I told him that if that is how babes are positioning themselves, then I decline.

No disrespect to any female who is about that bathroom cleaning life, but personally, to get on my knees and scrub a tub, clean a toilet bowl and engage in all that stuff is pretty damn deep! Standing in a kitchen and looking cute while turning some fragrant stew in a pot is one matter. To clean a man's bathroom is an entirely different matter and I promise all my <s>future husbands</s> who are reading this post – It will never happen if we are not cohabiting in the same space, living together as husband and wife, or there are extenuating circumstances at hand - i.e. The man is confined to a sick bed. Other than that, as long as you are hale, heart and able bodied like me, you have hands so pick up a bottle of catdamn clorox and clean your own catdamn bathroom! Nonsense and foolishness.
I guess I just don't know to play this dating game. Like I kuku told those "three wise men", I'm not here to fake any funk and I will not put up any fronts, therefore I will not come to your house and clean your bathroom or do your laundry (that came up too). What I look like? Your housegirl? Nah bro.

These men sha, be wanting women to display domesticated traits and then after she has turned herself into a househelp, the men will bounce and marry some other entirely undomesticated goddess. If my point of view puts my already non-existent yards of wifey material further into the red, then so be it. Like I kuku told those guys, you African men can entirely miss me with your million rules and requirements, thinking that you all are doing us women a favor by proposing to us and it absolutely gets my goat. I am trying to chill, but trust that I will come out popping off every now and then when presented with ridiculous situations like deducting points because a woman refused to clean your bathroom/didn't take the initiative to show her domesticated side. If you want to observe whether she's clean or domesticated, go to her house and see how she keeps it. I maintain that until you put a ring on a woman's finger and both of you say your vows as man and wife, she is under zero obligation to do anything for you, or prove anything to you.

*Steps off soapbox and resumes observing chill*

PS:- I have had some of the most random ass conversations with African men on thier expectations of future wifeys. I should someday blog about the one that told me that it's negative thing that all he ever heard me talk about cooking was grilled chicken/grilled fish, as per no Naija food was mentioned. LMAO. I really can't...Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-41819631795954575882013-04-05T12:02:00.000-04:002013-04-05T12:11:42.166-04:00Whose Annointing Are You Tapping Into?If you're a dedicated BellaNaija (BN) reader like I am, you've probably noticed that BN wedding posts seem to take the cake. Most of the readers love to observe and fawn over a good ol' wedding post. I certainly do enjoy looking at the wedding posts myself. My favorite things to check out are the "how we met" story, the couple's chemistry (or lack of it), the bride's dress, and the oh-so beautiful and handsome guests. I'm convinced that it's either that only fine people attend those Lagos weddings, or the photographers just gravitate towards the good looking guests for our viewing pleasure. Either way, a BN wedding is usually a fun thing to look at.

Of course, with the typical BN wedding post comes the typical accompanying comments with a lot of women firing prayers and doing fasting ontop the marriage matter. You will typically see comments such as:
"Father, please I am waiting for my own oooo"

"Father, do it for your daughter abeg"

"In the name of Jesus, I use this couple as a point of contact and pray that my boyfriend will propose by X month…aminnnnnnn"

"God abeg, send me my own rich, fine husband. See oppression"

"I tap into this couple's anointing…"

Like clockwork, it's always amusing to read.
I'm not even mad at women who know what they want. Hats off to every woman out there who looks at such a wedding and boldly proclaims that she is waiting for God to do her own. My prayer is that Baba God will do it for you too my dear sisters according to his will….amin! But ehn, that whole business of tapping into people's anointing is just a somehow sonthing ooo.

I mean, think about it. What kind of anointing are you tapping into? Is it God's own annointing? abi is it juju? abi na winchy winchy anointing? I personally cannot be tapping into anybody's anointing because I no sabi the kain principalities and powers wey don anoint that marriage. You gats check am and realize that all that glitters is not gold. Now I'm not saying that everybody's marriage is suspect, not at all. Some of them are on that legit p. All I'm saying is that if you want to tap into any kind of anointing, you need to hit that direct extension to call your God and tap into his own direct anointing. Can I get an amen?

Recently, the news circulating the blogs was that some Chima Anyaso fella proposed to his girlfriend at her 25th birthday celebration in Dubai. If you keep up with the haps, you may know that this same Chima once had a pretty big wedding to another woman that featured on BellaNaija back in 2010 abi 2011. It was this really fancy affair, well attended by more than a few celebrities, and in general, the couple looked like a darling, happy duo. Sure enough, there were at least one or two individuals who tapped into the anointing of Chima's marriage. From the gist of the matter, 9 months down the line, Chima and his then-wife called it quits based on a bunch of conflicting reports of he said, she said...in the end, na only both of them wey sabi the real koko of wetin happen for that marriage. Still, with all the he said, she said stories that I read about the supposed cause of their separation, na so I come ask myself…so what about the people that were tapping into the anointing? Is that the kind of anointing that they want on their marriages? The anointing of a marriage didn't last for up to 9 months and still has some serious K-leg stories that surround it? If na me personally, I go pass on that kain annointing o. Shuooo.

Forget the Chima gist sef. I've observed at least 3-4 weddings on that BN where I heard some kain scoin scoin back story about the couple, but on that beautiful day, as they shined bright like diamonds in all the fabulousness, some people were there tapping into their anointing. If you sef come hear the koko of their stories, I doubt you would want that kind of anointing in your own marriage. So brethren, the point of all these long story wey I don yarn finish, be say… when I observe weddings and admire the fabulousness of it all, I am careful to draw the line at tapping into anybody's anointing as per I no know wetin don anoint that marriage. Make I no use style and tap into any juju kind of annointing. I will just continue to look to the God that I believe in, and ask him to send his own special brand of annointing that I can tap into for my ideal marriage. Ya fizznaeezy??? (That would be the rapper Lil Scrappy's slang for "You feel me?").

And that is all she said. Have a fantabulous weekend guys.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-70899659787175440132013-03-11T22:11:00.001-04:002013-03-11T22:15:41.730-04:00The Coding Issue
An old friend recently got engaged. This was her second engagement. The first one was very much publicized with a multitude of Facebook pictures and the whole world armed with the knowledge that she and ol' dude were an item. Along the line, she started to see things about the man that she wasn't feeling so she called off the engagement, and it was this huge issue. Now, a few years down the line, ol' girl got re-engaged to a new boo-thang and pretty much, a whole bunch of people didn't know anything about it until the day she that posted a traditional wedding picture on BBM and we were like "Hold up! You were engaged???" Look, I'm not even mad at her. It's a case of once bitten, twice shy. The babe coded the matter well well, and in the light of her previous experience, who can blame her?

I am beginning to understand why some people keep engagement and wedding talk strictly under wraps and within the circle of trust. Within the last year and a half, I've heard of more than enough broken engagements. They all stemmed from a variety of reasons:

"I found about things about his family that I wasn't comfortable with"

"We got engaged and realized that we truly weren't compatible"

"He started to show his true character and I had to bounce"

And the worst of them all…

"He wasn't sure"

To that last reason and the multitude of unsure men who roam this earth, all I gotta say is that God is watching you mafakas HDTV. May a man not waste your own daughter's precious time, you hear me so?? God forbid a man raises my hopes, I start planning a wedding and then he pulls the "I'm not sure". Heoooo, my God will fight for me on this matter! There will be blood! *catches the spirit*. If you're not sure, then you better start to reveal yourself from day one biko. Thanks in advance.

But let me not get side tracked…

If all these once bitten women code their engagements the second time around, then I'm not mad at that at all. I mean, do you realize how freaking awkward it is to display your ring on BBM with the status message "he put a ring on it!!!!!!!!!", relay your very intricate proposal story that elicits a bunch of "awwwwwws" from every listening ear, and start to go through the process of planning a wedding, only to have to go back and start explaining to everybody down the line that "ummm, wedding's off guys". Shoot, if that was me, I would zip my mouth tightly the second time around. It's sad that something as beautiful as getting engaged can't be as celebrated as it should be, because of doubts, uncertainties, and even the so-called enemies of progress who may be trying to pour sand in your garri.

So yes, I understand why more women are keeping their steez on the low-key status these days.

However, here are two instances of coding that I still don't get:
1. I put up a random post last year or so, where I briefly touched on coding and how I was blown that an engaged babe could come and be forming single babe with me, only for me to find out 4 months down the line that she was getting married, and had been dating her now husband for about 4 years. Now, while I understand the concept of coding, this was one aspect had me scratching my head. As in, I kent be here talking about how it's hard out here on these streets and your engaged self kwa will be following me to yarn "men it's tough for us single girls o". In that scenario, I felt that at the very least, she could have simply issued a general statement like "ahh, I hear that my sister" or something and kept it moving. To say that I was blindsided by the babe's engagement is an understatement.

2. When your supposed close as in "personal people" code their own from you kwa. It's one thing to keep the matter from the general public and "friends" in the general sense of the word, and another to code it from your peoples peoples. I know someone who did that…did introduction and all her so-called close knit friends were in the dark. Like hia! I know myself, that's the kind of thing I would take hella personally. I'm talking about my personal people here o, like shiooo.

As for me, when my turn comes…will I code my own matter? Well, by default I'm not one to put information out there. For me, relationship types of things generally stay on the lowkey, and so an engagement would probably not be a publicized matter. I was recently telling my friend that while the recent trend of folks putting their engagement info out there on Twitter (and spamming my TLs with the congratulatory RTs) is kinda cute, I know that it's something that I wouldn't do, just because it's not my nature.

So if you are about that coding life for your own personal reasons, then code away. And if you're not, nothing do you as well. You know my steez on matters like this… "to each his/her own".

Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-67494165959170824802013-02-23T12:49:00.000-05:002013-02-23T12:49:22.328-05:00Such is Life
My friend's wife once tried to hook me up with this dude. In the name of fairness and open-mindedness, added him to my BBM, and to start with, his beyond shorthand grammar was absolutely slaying. He typed things like:

"am kul"
"I wz der"
"am cuming to ur hse"

I mean, dude was across the seas so our communication was all occurring on ze BBMs. The first impression no make sense o jare. But grammar aside, the man's communication skills no get part 2, and I honestly felt like it just wasn't gonna be a good pairing. The height of it all was one day when he sent me a BBM to ask how my day was going and I said "it's going well…winding down", and he responded with "ahh, I can tell you are having a good time". In confusion, I asked what he meant by that, and he said "you are winding down…you must be a good dancer" (I'm obviously quoting this in perfect English here) and y'all…I had the BLANKEST stare on planet Earth. Nah bro.
*As a runner-up to this amaxe stuvvs, he once stated something about "popping campaign", which I later learned to be "popping champagne". Errr, nah.

But let's not deviate…
So, one day my friend's wife engaged me in a grilling session…asking me why I wasn't proactively checking for her homeboy, and how he always hit her with the feedback of how "I don't PING him", and he was frustrated with the situation because I was very non-responsive to his IMs, and not very forth-coming in general. As the voltron force for her boy, she gave me a long spiel about how he's a really good guy that she can vouch for any day, and how he was doing very well in his businesses, and is generally frustrated 'cos the wimmens in Nigeria are after him for his money, and so he wanted a fresh wholesome babe like yours truly (Stories that touch). She then added as her (well-intended) parting shot… "Please give my friend a chance. Remember that the men that we ladies tend to be checking for, usually aren't checking for us so maybe you should face the ones that are checking for you".

I chuckled at her not so veiled sub (there's a back story to that) but in retrospect, regarding that "the ones you like don't like you" steez, I wasn't even mad at her 'cos truer words have never been spoken. I was gisting with my friend one evening. This friend of mine has had quite a lot of toasters for as long as I've known her. She's the kind of babe that always has at least 2 men actively on her case in any given period, and in general, bruvs are always hitting her with some pick-up line or the other. Recently sef, some bruv who has been on her case sent her a Facebook inbox dropping some hot lyrics about how he would love to upgrade her last name to his last name...LMAO, I'm not making this stuff up. So, one day we were doing a rundown of her toasters as she wondered why she had never given any of them face and whether she was being too picky, and she stated with pure frustration… "How come all the men that I've been crushing on aren't the ones that are on my case. In fact if it was my crush Emeka* that had said that he wanted to upgrade my last name, I would have quickly responded to say… baby, no need to mention, I've already dropped my father's name for yours". I cracked up…I mean, it was hilarious but I could feel her frustration. Such are the complexities of life.

The people you are checking for usually aren't checking for you. The people that are checking for you usually aren't the ones you are checking for. Such is life my people. You can either weigh the pros and cons, and if the pros seem to outweigh the cons, try manage with a bird in hand even if you're not completely sold (maybe one day you will)…or you can free your hands entirely and continue to do your thing until life hands you a balanced equation. I no be Ms. Cleo no ni…as I always say, do whatever works for you. And as you do it, remember that life is unfair and such is life! :-D

And that is all she said.

*Name changed so that said crush won't be feeling like a G6/If said crush has a girlfriend, acid bath will not enter this matter.

PS:- In my last post, Ifeoma Odogwu asked me to remove my word verification in the comments. As soon as I did, I got like 40 anonymous folks spamming me with Viagra pills and other things that I don't need. So the verification is back to stay, I know it can be annoying but such is life. Hehehehe.

Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-87503342608243216592013-01-22T21:04:00.003-05:002013-01-22T21:08:32.076-05:00Year 2012: Taking Stock – Better Late than Never

Before I begin, can I just send out a very belated happy new year to the universe? I'm always tardy for the party, but my mentality is: Better late than never. In the usual form of annual taking stock, I've given last year a very good mental rundown and, in an overall rating, I give it a C-. I will try and break it down in the most non-cryptic way that I can.

The Good

First of all, and as cliché as this may sound, I lived to see a brand new year. Each new day was a new opportunity to seize the day, and so even with all the internal craziness that I felt last year, I did strive to wake up every day and make it a good one…which didn't always work, but hey, at least I tried.

I started out the year with some drama, uncertainty, and setbacks in my job, but after the good Lord delivered me from my evil ex-Project Manager, and I switched teams, I got a chance to prove myself and I am past all of that drama. In fact, my current Project Manager has nothing but good things to say about me and my work, so that was indeed a high point in 2012.

I didn't travel as much as I normally do, but I still got a chance to do a lil somn somn – San Fran to spend time with my homeskillet Naks and celebrate her baby shower with her, Mexico to celebrate Tayne's milestone birthday, and Nigeria to see my family. All expensive trips, but very much worth it.

And ultimately, I am thankful for the good things like small mercies and the little things that we take for granted in life, good health, good friendships and my family.

The Bad

I think of it as the big year of limbo, and living in a general state of blahness. I just felt stuck in this impenetrable bubble, and to be honest, a lot of times I didn't know why exactly. I felt a lot of unhappiness and restlessness with life in general, and even my usual high note of self-confidence took a nice dip. My peace of mind wasn't feeling so peaceful anymore, and I experienced the largest bout of mood swings ever.

At the beginning of 2012, I set goals and by December 31st, I had only achieved maybe 15% of those goals – majority fail. Of course, I had a huge role to play in those failures so I will gladly point fingers at myself too.

This was also the year that I realized the suckage of not recognizing or seeming to have a passion/purpose in life. Till today, I remain envious of people who know that they want to do with their lives because I still have no friggin' idea what I would love to do with mine. I like my career field aka I don't hate it, but it's not something that I'm passionate about or I love. I go to work, do my thing, and it pays the bills and keeps me comfortable. If I was to ever make a switch to another industry, I have no idea what it would be. And yes, I took one of those personality/career test things and still remain clueless. It was a constant nagging thing that kept popping up in my head, and now I just continue to pray for clarity in that area.

Last, but not least, I did not feel on top of my usual A-game. I was in this state of constant lethargy and not wanting to do JACK, recurring boredom with everything (including myself), and a general attitude of "I'm not in the mood". Even wearing clothes to go out started to be a chore, and I just wanted to remain in my little zone majority of the time. I did try to do things to "self help" like the 31 day reset (but I still wasn't feeling reset after a while and so I quit).

The Ugly

None, thankfully.

In 2013 – As we already are on this 22nd day of January

Every day is a new opportunity to try again, so once again I have those outstanding goals on my to-do list, as well as some new ones. I recognize my weaknesses, and I'm working to get past those limitations. I want to get back to being in the mental space that I used to be in, feeling more in control of my thoughts and my attitude, and just getting back to ME. By God, I will not look back at 2013 and peg it down as another meh and blah year…amen? Amen.

Enjoy the rest of your week.

Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-24027501238429519032012-12-17T21:27:00.000-05:002012-12-17T21:29:33.649-05:00Hometown Glory

The last time I visited Nigeria was in December 2005 into January 2006, and so after 6+ years being away from the Homeland, I am finally reuniting with my country this December. For the past 6+ years, I have not heard word from my parents about visiting home. Everyday my mams will say "come home so that people can see you"…or "All your friends came home this Christmas, but you didn't" or "Aunty so and so said that you and your sister should come home and visit so that husbands will find you" (LMAO @ that one). In fact ehn, last Christmas…my dad who is normally more nonchalant on this matter apparently ran into my friend at a wedding and asked her to beg me to come home and visit. Oya naa…I am finally going home so that people and these so called husbands can see my face. I don't think that my prolonged absence has been terrible sha…after all, I know people that have not touched ground in Nigeria for the past 10-18 years. Now that's gangsta. One of the key reasons that I've put off visiting Nigeria is that my parents visit Yanks every year. Sometimes my mom visits twice a year sef, and my sister is in the UK…so it's not like I have mad family in the homeland that I need to go visit. This year sha, my parents put their foot down (not like say dem dey pay for my ticket ooo), and insisted that I gats visit, so I said okay o.

The last 2 times that I visited Nigeria, I was a college student and just bought the bare minimum on my broke college student wages. This time around, I'm a working gal, and I haven't been home in a while so man o man, prepping for this trip has been quite expensive. I have spent quite a bit of money on gifts, and random necessities like a visa and a much needed luggage set. In fact, speaking of luggage, My two boxes are dangerously teetering over the 50lb weight limit, and I'm done even done packing. I have bluntly refused to spend any kind of money on excess baggage so whatever can't go will be left behind.

My parents live in Port Harcourt, and so I will be mainly based in the PH zones. I don't expect to have any sort of a bubbling time like my "just gat becks" counterparts that are heading to Gidi. To my knowledge, PH is a very dead zone. Heck, all my friends who lived in PH have moved to Lagos sef…so ummm, any plans for some "cool funs" is looking very unlikely. I had planned to escape from PH and ze parents and engage in some Lagos paroles and bubbling, but logistics aren't looking likely. Gotta attend some weddings around the East, which doesn't fit in too well with the time frame of my paroles. I've jejely resigned myself to my fate and decided that I'm just gonna take one for the team this time since I haven't been back in a while and let my parents have their way on this. But like I've already told them…the next time I enter Nigeria (hopefully not in the next 6 years) I am leaving you guys and doing my thing according to my own schedule.

All that aside, I am really looking forward to my trip. It will be nice to go and reacquaint myself with my beloved country, bask in some sunlight, eat suya, see people, be spoiled by my mother dearest (who is so so excited that my sister and I are going to be around) and just enjoy a straight 2 weeks off work. I do know a few people who will be in PH for short time frames so I don't anticipate that it will be an entirely dead trip. Meanwoos…everybody keeps telling me to shine eye on the husband issue….LOL. Quite amusing advice, if you ask me. Like I always tell them, the babes that are in Naija wey never snatch the so-called husbands nko?

All yarns aside, this will probably be my last post for 2012, so I just wanted to touch base with everybody who actually reads this blog. I appreciate each and every one of you. Thanks for keeping up with my lazy azz, commenting, and what have you. I pray that 2013 will find us all safe, healthy, and happy. Have a very wonderful holiday season and God willing, I will catch each and every one of you in the new year. Happy Holidays y'all *shines my 32*

Peace, Love, and all the fantabulous things that you wish for yourself!
Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-18382320828810139102012-10-31T19:52:00.001-04:002012-10-31T19:56:02.428-04:00How Judgmental Are You?
I'm one of those people who always prides herself on how open minded and liberal I am in my views and general perception of the world. But in the recent days, I've realized that I am just as judgmental as they come. Granted, I don't judge the typical things that most people judge but still...I do quite a bit of judging. In no particular order, here are a couple of things that I judge by default:

1. Grocery store purchases: As much as you might see me tweet about how I just wolfed down a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant or a big ol' burger and fries at McDonald's I actually have a guilty conscience when I go grocery shopping and so I tend to fill my cart with all the right stuff i.e. Fruits, veggies, water, wheat bread and all the good and healthy stuff that the fitness magazines instruct you to purchase. This also gives me some sense of superiority and allows me to shamelessly judge innocent citizens of the grocery store, who fill their carts with the bad stuff like ice cream, processed foods, frozen dinners and candy. This is a serious case of living in a glass house and throwing stones 'cos I am the world's biggest junk food-a-holic but hey, who says that life has to be fair? So odds are that if I'm standing behind you in line at the cash register, I am analyzing your purchases and judging the heck out of you. You have been warned.

2. Ratchetness: Who doesn't judge ratchetness? Heck I'm sure that even ratchet people judge their fellow ratchet people. Allow me feel all superior and on top of my A game as I judge your multi-toned weave, blue contacts, claw-like acrylic nails, and every other thing that makes you ratchet.

3. Eyebrows: Someone on my Twitter timeline has tweeted this in the past: "You can tell how razz an individual is from her eyebrows" and I definitely cannot disagree. Ninety nine percent of the of the time, razz eyebrows = razz individual. Granted, razz is the new cool and things, but can I still judge? My friend used to upload daily BBM pics of his girlfriend with some catdamn maroon penciled in eyebrows and I used to low-key judge her. Thankfully she has gotten hip to the game and is no longer about that life. The Lord be praised.

4. Lazy asses: If you're one of those cats who takes the elevator one floor up or down i.e. from the 10th floor to the 11th floor, I'm definitely judging your lazy azz.

5. People who wear Sunshades indoors/in the reception hall on their wedding day/at night: Need I say more? You look like a clown. Judged.

6.  Weaves: This one might get more than a few eye rolls but you know what? I have a love/hate relationship with weaves. Yes, they supposedly up your 'hmmph factor', and I can't front…some people look very glam and well packaged with them. On the flip, I feel that a lot of women over-rely on weaves. People like to give the "convenient and easy to maintain" excuse which is all well and good, but can we see your own God-given hair be it permed or natural like once every 365 days? And dayum even if you insist on weaving it up 24/7/365, must it be 72 inches long and so catdayum horsehair looking?? Judged.

7. Unnecessary Effizy: You went to the club, popped $1,000 worth of drinks and twit-pic'd the receipt? Judged. You bought a new range and created a Facebook album to inform the world of this purchase? Judged. You're buying out and getting buried in the Gucci sto' and had to post a tweet to inform the world? Judged. The truest effizy boys and girls are the ones who do all of the above and don't consider any of that stuff to be a big deal.

That's all for now folks. If you fell into any of the above categories...in the words of 2baba "One love my people". Soooo, what do you people judge? I'm all ears (abi eyes).

PS: - Hope y'all doing good. How did my East coasters hold up during Hurricane Sandy? All well and good, I hope.

Peace & Love.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-73739972895668080052012-10-01T20:53:00.001-04:002012-10-01T21:00:06.401-04:00On Lessons Learned, Being his Plan A, and Consolation Prizes

Lessons Learned

A couple of years ago, I experienced the closest thing to heartbreak when a guy who I really really liked did me some serious levels of "Negro you aint right!"...as in on some serious "see finish" levels. Prior to my experience with Mr. Heartbreak hotel, I had the bad habit of blaming myself or thinking that there was something wrong with me when interactions and dealings between me and various men didn't go as planned. But with this guy, one thing I knew for sure was that I was the best person that I could have been to him. I liked him a lot, and so I did the most for him because I truly wanted to do these things and in the end, he dropped me like a hot bag of charcoal for some chick that he ended up with.

The experience with this "heartbreak hotel" dude was a learning experience for me. For one, I learned that if I like a guy, I have no problem extending myself to do stuff for him. Not because, I'm campaigning to be considered as 50 yards of wife material, but because it's something that I actually want to do. Secondly, I learned to stop blaming myself for anything. After being dropped like hot charcoal, I experienced and went through a variety of emotions but blaming myself was not one of the above. Matter of fact, it hit me like "wow, I was all that and a bag of chips, and he aint appreciate it?? You aint about that life bro!". Thanks to that experience, I learned that I can be all that AND sometimes it's not me, its them.
Last but not least, I learned that as a woman, if you like swing over chandeliers and do gymnastics on the ceiling for a man, if he's going to NEXT your azz, then he will do it. If you like cook him 3 course meals every day, make your mother's secret recipe style of pepper soup for him when he's sick in bed with the flu, if he no want you, then he no want you. If you like, "be there" for him when he needs to talk, rant, and get things off his shoulder, nothing for you if the guy no get plans for you. I put myself out there for Mr. Heartbreak Hotel but I found out that I was never in his original game plan, because he had another chick in mind all along as his plan A and I was just a "hold this one till I get the main one" to him. Tough life.

Plan A vs.Plan B, C, D<o:p></o:p>

This leads me to the next point. Per my theory, most men have their first draft picks (Plan A) and then plan B, C, D. A woman might put all her eggs in her plan A basket, but a man will have all his backup plans lined up. I once dated a guy who I can say was one of the best and most attentive/caring booskis that a girl could ask for. The only problem was that early on in our relationship, I discovered that I could never have held a torch to his plan A…a girl that he had loved for many many years. In fact, after I found out about her and quickly terminated the relationship, he told me that while he felt that we had potential, and I terminated things way too abruptly, he wanted to thank me for opening his eyes to the reality of the situation. Today, they are married and live in neverneverland. Like I said, I could never have held a torch to that woman. Or there was the confused one aka Mr. Confused who wanted to start something up with me and gave me this really cool tale about how he was done with some other chick… "she's not wifey material. She's too Americanized. She's too this and that". I mean, he always seemed quite obsessed with talking about this chick and her so-called faults sef so I wasn't even taking his yarns seriously. Then 3 weeks later, he calls me up and tells me that he and ol' girl had a talk and they are giving things another go. I said oh? Okay na. Fast forward 1.5 years later, they are also married in their own neverneverland. Potential plan B situation averted.

Let's not talk about the various wedding websites that I've seen and I be reading the stories and mapping the timelines like ummm wasn't this kneegro dating this other XYZ chick around this time frame? What can I say? Men definitely be keeping their options open.<o:p></o:p>

Consolation Prizes
If I had a dollar for each time that a man offered me a "consolation prize", I would be stacking paper. For instance, after I got over Mr. Heartbreak, we got to a point where we could relate on cordial terms, and one day he told me… "but you know you are a catch right?"…and mentally I was like Oh yeah? I am a catch, yet you dropped me real fast and was parading around town with the new girl within weeks? Boy bye!". Or the time I was talking to Mr. Confused and he told me that if it hadn't been his wife, I would have been the one with the ring. LMAO. Am I here for these consolation prizes?
I have met quite a number of men who washed me and said "you are different", "you are this" and "you are that" yet never stepped their game up with me AND then moved on to other women (and married them for the most part) so umm really, in the words of our dear ol' Sweet Brown… "aint nobody got time for that!". All these consolation prizes are just cheap words and don't mean anything to me if I'm not a man's plan A and number 1 choice. If I can quote one of my favorite songs from Marina and the Diamonds… "I'd rather walk alone than play a supporting role, if I can't get a starring role". All I'm saying is that I don't need consolation prizes 'cos they don't mean anything to me and they don't validate my existence. Give me a starring role so that I know that it's real.

In summary, when it comes to matters concerning the menfolk, I don't even try to pretend to understand anything. Thanks to various experiences and the like, I've reached a point in my life where I take these matters at face value. Words are just words, nothing to get excited over. Actions are becoming cheap too. Heck, he might take me to the meet the parents and introduce me to his entire neighborhood, but to me, that don't mean anything. Like my friend says…if we walk down the aisle, then I know that it's live and direct. In the meantime, the numero uno lesson that I've learned when dealing with the menfolk is = be yourself. Sure, we are all imperfect beings and a work in progress, so work on whatever it is that you need to work on for YOUR own self-improvement, and not so that Chinedu will consider you to be wifey material. If doing XYZ is in your nature, then do XYZ…and if it aint, then don't even try to fake it for anybody.

And that is all she said.
Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-8830443620548970972012-08-27T23:09:00.002-04:002012-08-27T23:09:30.566-04:00False Advertising
*Disclaimer: Just 'cos I know that we are all tired of beating the hair issue to death... everything about this post applies to me as an individual, and not to anyone else. This is not a preachy post about anybody else's hair etc etc etc.

Okay? Good.

As some people may know, I've been a member of this so-called "team natural" since 2002/2003. I've also been one of those people who for the most part, has stayed true to the essence of "team natural" as a personal preference. That is to say… I've never used a hot comb to press my hair to convert it from kinky coily to straight and shiny, and I'm pretty boring when it comes to diversity (i.e. braids and weaves). I wear braids maybe like 10% of the time…more in winter months than summer months, and the last time I fixed a weave was when I was heading off to Kuwait in 2010, and didn't want to bother with hair. Prior to Kuwait, the other most recent time that I'd fixed a weave was when I was a 17 year old Jambite in Nigeria. So to summarize this long story, I tend to wear my hair in its most natural state majority of the time.

Recently though (read: July 2012), I've been wanting to do more with my hair and embrace more diversity outside of the usual braiding that I do. I'm trying to save my edges and besides, it's been like a high of 100 degrees every day this summer, so there is no way I was going to battle with some long yarn braids in this heat. My homeskillet for life and hairstylist extraordinaire, Lavvie aka Lavenderchic told me "you should do something different and try a weave" but I didn't think that I was mentally ready for a weave. So, after much thought I had this Aha! moment where I said to myself "how about a wig?"…and that's how yours truly scoured some beauty supply shops and is now the proud owner of two wigs. I like my wigs…I only wear them on weekends when I'm being too lazy to deal with my hair. I haven't considered them for weekdays because I prefer to not have to deal with hair in my face on a typical weekday hustle. I like the fact that I can slap ze wiggies on when I feel like, and toss them off my head when I'm not in the mood for hair. And, like most wigs/weaves, they give my looks a certain upgrade. I throw a wig on, and I go from "natural haired girl next door" to "Ohh, you is looking good girl!"

Fast forward to the main reason for this blog post: I have this dear friend who is always trying to hook me up with somebody. I was talking to her the other day, and she was telling me how she has this friend who I might gel with etc etc. Then she's like "by the way, I saw a picture of you with your new hair and OMG girl, that is the picture that I need to be sending to all the dudes"… "In fact, that is the type of hair that you need to be rocking because it was so fabulous, and you looked amazing" etc etc. I had to laugh abeg. From the way my babe dey yarn, you would think that I look like a housegirl on the regular. I mean, I know that with my naps, I probably don't fall into the "glamorous" category but shiii I know I'm cute at least... LOL. But in all honesty, this was nothing new to me. A lot of people have told me and continue to tell me that they prefer seeing me with "hair" (read: anything other than my naps). Even I will agree that hair (if done right) generally upgrades anyone's looks. But still, I felt a bit uncomfortable about her trying to use this wigged up picture of me for marketing purposes because in all honesty, that is nothing but false advertising. By false advertising, I mean…that is not me 90% of the time, and I would have preferred that she market me with pictures of nappy ol'me, as opposed to curly wigged up me, because nappy me is generally who anybody is guaranteed to see for the most part. These guys may see that wigged up, glam looking picture as their first point of contact for marketing purposes, then meet me with my naps and it'll be like "errrr…where is the girl in the picture?" And, in all honesty, I still don't think that most Nigerian men appreciate women with natural hair, for their own individual reasons.

The convo with my friend had me thinking about other reactions that I've had to this wig of mine (and hair in general). I attended a wedding the other weekend, and some dude who I see at practically every event and he'd never said a word to me, came up to me at this particular wedding and stated that I "looked familiar" and "do we have mutual friends?" He then proceeded to make quite a bit of convo…I mean, I was quite surprised by the sudden friendliness and trust that I attributed it to ze wiggy. Why not? I don see dude countless times, and he never spoken a word…all of a sudden, I look familiar and he trynna kiki it up?
Another male friend stated that my "hair" was really nice, and why don't I wear it more often? Not to mention the various compliments that I received from my female friends. I went for another wedding where I ran into a bunch of my ex-feddy girls (who I must note that I had seen quite recently sans wiggies) and I got a lot of "wow, you look great girl". I appreciated it all, but I kept thinking… "this is all nice, but it's also very temporary".

I have even gotten comments from my family members about hair on my head (i.e. braids). I once went to pick my mom up from her friend's house. Then, I had a head of long yarn braids…and so, on the way home, my mom told me that a lady who she met commented on how "her daughter was so beautiful". Then my mom turned to look at me and stated that I should consider keeping my hair in braids more often than not, as opposed to wearing it out in its natural form like I'm prone to do. I laughed. Even my sister once commented that braids really look good on me, and added that I should braid my hair more often because according to her, "my individuality is so strong that I need to wean Naija guys small small". I laughed at that too.

I'm not even mad at anyone's opinions…I do get their points. They say that a woman's hair is her crowning glory, and I know that "hair" does add some kind of an upgrade, and dare I say, ups my "level of attractiveness"… but I still generally prefer to wear my own hair in its most natural state. That's when I feel like my truest self, and in my opinion, everything else that I put on my hair is just false advertising. I prefer for, and feel more comfortable when men approach me with my naps, as opposed to any kind of artificial hair on my head. And, in an ideal world, people would think that I looked equally as amazing as a nappy headed HOttie, as they think that I do with braids or a wig… but we live in a world where packaging is what's hot on the streets. The better packaged you appear to be, the more attractive you are considered to be.
I will still continue to wear any of my two wigs when I feel like it. I appreciate the diversity that they bring, especially on days that I do not feel like dealing with and styling my hair…but on the flip, I gotta learn how to process the positive attention and comments that I get as a result of wearing the wiggies.

On that note, Im outtie for now.

Peace and Love, brethren *dutty whines out of this joint with my nappy roots*
Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-13286410057947562082012-07-29T20:32:00.001-04:002012-07-29T20:34:38.042-04:00TidbitsI was invited to a baby shower yesterday, and so my friend and his wife picked me up. On the way, his wife was saying how my friend had shown her my pictures on Facebook, and she was gushing about how cool and interesting I looked back in the day. She said that when she saw the pictures, she was like "What? Is this the same person?" and talmbout how my short hair looked great on me and I should think about cutting my hair again (as her husband had told me too). So I was thinking about it like true true... as the years I passed, I've toned it down a bit. Back in '08/'09 I would color my hair in bold colors like reds, blondes...Shieeet, I was doing blonde before Amber Rose surfaced so it used to vex me when people said that I was jacking her style. Clothing wise sef, I was more daring and "out there". But the way she was yarning, you would think I had converted from bold and beautiful to Mary-amaka...LOL. I'm still out there wearing bright colors and chit, I just toned it down some. I guess the toned down approach and more subtlety can be attributed to getting older. Although I would chop off my hair and color it again in a heartbeat...if I worked in a less conservative environment.

Speaking of getting older, I'm turning 29 on Friday. Whoop, whoop! I'm one of the few individuals who apparently looks forward to getting older. I suck at planning and doing stuff for my own birthday and so I have zero plans apart from get a facial and massage (thank you Living Social) and a mani/pedi. I remember when 29 seemed so far away, and now it's around the corner. All in all, I'm thankful for life thus far, and for the new year that is approaching.

Mennn I need to be one of those women that get pregnant, pop the kid, and get back to my pre-pregnancy body in the blink of an eye. Shuoooo. I was telling my friend's wife that she is a MILF. She just had her kid in April and is already back to her size 4 self. Babe even gave us bodycon dress to show case all that mommy fabulousness. Granted, my friend pulled some drastic measures and refused to let her indulge in a lot of her pregnancy cravings which I side-eyed the heck out of him for. If she wanted icecream, he would tell her to eat fruit...and she worked out for a good chunk of her pregnancy. I guess it worked out well. He's always told me that he doesn't demand much from women apart from: she sex him well, and she shouldn't get fat. And in all fairness, he spoils the heck out of his wife so I guess that's a good trade off.

My sister was talking about how you go to weddings, and when it's time to catch the bouquet, the MC actually calls you out. As they say on Twitter, that's the "absolute worst!", I was like I bet the married/engaged women look on in amusement and think "thank Goodness, I don't have to go through that".

Men, everybody in this life has settled down. I did my monthly Facebook log-on to catch up on everybody else's life, and my homepage was filled with wedding pictures, pregnancy photoshoots, and one year old birthday parties. Like shioooo. Okay, maybe Im exaggerating some but you get the drift abi?

On that note, I'm still not ready to settle down. In the meantime, I am working on myself and my improvement of self.

Back to gist of everybody settling, along with that comes the fact that settled people move in their own circles. Take the baby shower for instance, it was filled with a whole bunch of wedding bands, and kids running around. I just perched in a corner with a couple of drinks...at least the alcohol was flowing freely :-D

Who is watching the Olympics? I see that Nigerians are representing on the USA and GB teams. Their parents must feel so proud.

And that was all she said. Tell this Blogger's block to free me abeg.

Have a great week ahead folks! :-)Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-80817637519428903592012-06-20T22:41:00.000-04:002012-06-20T22:43:32.862-04:00Meet...ADAKU The internet streets have been buzzing lately 'cos there's a new girl in town, and it's ADAKU.

I've known ADAKU for a while and for as long as I've known her, I've always admired her creative flair. Among the list of things that seriously up her cool girl factor (such as being my fellow PH sister, modelling part time, hooking up some bad ass interior decoration, and that HAIR), she is gifted with an amazing voice AND also writes songs. This US-Based Nigerian Singer/Songwriter from Rivers State has had to hide her talent and passion for singing in order to fully complete her degree education in Electrical Engineering, an education which has finally culminated in a Master's Degree in Electrical Engineering (whoop whoop for smart chicks!). Throughout her education however, Adaku continued to immerse herself in music whenever and wherever she could - her YouTube covers of popular songs such as Bruno Mars' "Grenade", Adele's "Someone Like You and Nneka's "Heartbeat, garnering over 100,000 views on the popular video platform.

This Singer/Songwriter who also plays the guitar and piano is set to storm the world with her uniquely sublime talents and is certainly well on her way on this journey as she was handpicked by YouTube as one of the five female artists that knocked their socks off in their Fresh Faces series. This included a full day's feature on Youtube's music homepage.

ADAKU just released her fresh new single titled "Or You Can". In her own words, ADAKU describes "Or You Can" as a song about being there for a friend, a lover or a loved one who needs a shoulder to lean on and most importantly a "big ass fro" to lay on. Initially posted on Youtube as a bedroom recording and a deviation from the usual YouTube cover videos, "Or You Can" took on a life of its own with over 15,000 YouTube views and troves of positive feedback that Adaku decided to create a studio version of "Or You Can" and release it as a single. Superbly written and produced by Adaku, it is a beautiful acoustic song with great lyrics and soothing guitar play that leaves the listener captivated and enthralled.

Take a listen to "Or You Can", and watch the video here:

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And download the song and share the link with your friends here:

 Or You Can (Studio) Single

MEDIA & BOOKINGS:

Please direct all media and booking inquiries to Management >>email@example.com

MORE ADAKU (Stalk her on social media y'all!!)

Facebook: http://facebook.com/<wbr></wbr>Adaku

Twitter: http://www.twitter.<wbr></wbr>com/muzikizoxygen

YouTube: http://www.youtube.<wbr></wbr>com/muzikizoxygen

Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-79179220004754986412012-06-04T22:59:00.003-04:002013-10-28T20:45:38.198-04:00Musings on Death
My eldest sister passed away in 2005. I remember that period very clearly…it was right around the final exams period and my parents didn't want to tell me because they wanted me to focus on my exams. However I noticed that during that period, I started getting random "check-in" calls from family friends, and even my family. They were trying to gauge from the tone of my voice whether I had heard the news. I was living in complete oblivion and carrying on with my life. I lived in that state of unawareness for about a week after her death until one day a family friend called me and left a voice mail where he basically sobbed and said he was so sorry to hear about my sister's death. And that was how I found out that my eldest sister had died.

That was the first death for us as a family unit, and for the longest time I used to comfort myself with the hope that my eldest sister had basically "taken one for the team" and God wouldn't be so unkind as to break any of our hearts with another untimely death. These days I'm not too sure about that. God can break your heart anyway that he wants, and it's all meant to be according to his will/he has a reason for doing so. Please note that I am not assuming a tone of defiance here, I'm just saying it as it appears to be. I don't get the reason behind these things when they occur, but ah well.

In June or maybe July of 2011, there was a death that somehow or the other affected at least one person whom I knew. Five people died in a fiery car crash on their way back from a wedding in Anambra state. Two of the victims were the bride's brother and sister, and the other two were the bride's best friend/Maid of Honor and an American coworker/friend (who was visiting Nigeria for the first time ever and apparently was an only child). A whole bunch of people knew the deceased siblings, and the bride's best friend was supposed to be my one of my friends' roommate and partner-in-crime at Harvard Business School. They had met during the interview process and formed a fast friendship. My friend and the bestie/roomie/MOH were even meant to go on an Eurotour, which was scheduled for a few weeks after her death. To make it even sadder, the poor girl died a few days before her birthday. News of this very unfortunate and fatal car accident travelled far and wide. Even my mother and sister were talking about it. The whole thing made me step back and think…like why Lord? Why would he be so unkind as to take 2 children from a woman? One child is bad enough, but 2?? Why would you let 5 people perish in such a terrible way? Why would you wipe out a girl's brother, sister AND best friend too, like dayum. What about the American parents who lost their only child? How were they even supposed to try to deal with such horrible news? They say that God has a reason for everything…what was God's reason for this car accident? Everybody had incredible stories about how these victims were young, bright, smart, and ready to take on life so why would it all be snuffed short like poof? They say that we should not question God in situations like that, but I beg to differ. Are we supposed to sit back and take whatever comes our way without asking a few questions? Why can't we ask God why?
In the light of that tragedy, I was like na wa o. If God can allow a woman's 2 children to perish in one fell swoop, what makes me or my other family members special? My big sister might have died, but that doesn't mean that the rest of us get an automatic pass to live till ripe old ages.

And then yesterday, there was the fresh tragedy that is the Dana Airlines plane crash. I've been in a very somber mood since I heard the news. In fact, when I initially heard about that crash, I had a bad feeling about it. I said, with the 2 degrees of separation that most Nigerians have, we are guaranteed to be directly or indirectly affected by the crash. I have lost family friends in the 3 most recent crashes that occurred in Nigeria and I was filled with a sense of trepidation about this one. It's as if I knew…
As I perused the manifest, I say a familiar name and I said it's a lie! Not him! Not my childhood friend who was my next door neighbor. His sister and I were childhood besties, and he and my brother were also pretty close. We literally were always at each other's houses, we played together, our older sisters were homies and in general, our families were quite intertwined. Not him! He was like a brother when we were growing up, so seeing his name on that manifest and later confirming the news on BBM really left me in low spirits. The even more messed up thing about the situation is that his father was just buried last month, and now him? My God, I can't even imagine how his mother and siblings must feel, if I feel this level of sadness. And of course, I had questions. I asked God why. Why would you let this happen? Why would you bestow such tragedy on a family in the space of barely 2 months. Once again, fresh perspective that neither me nor my family members are any special.

There were stories of victims in the crash that really struck a chord within me. There was a pastor and his wife…leaving 3 young children behind. I heard about an entire family…husband, wife, the wife's mother, their 3 children, and 2 cousins. There were 2 sisters who flew in from the States to attend a wedding, There was somebody's father, There was a girl who was supposed to be getting married to my friend's cousin this coming August etc etc. As I heard these stories, my heart sank all over again and I asked God why. Why would he allow an entire family to be wiped out? Poof. Just like that. What is the reason behind that? I struggle to understand. The pastor and his wife nko, why didn't God protect his own? Again, why should parents lose their 2 daughters just like that? Why did 153 people die in such a senseless death? So many questions…
And then the thought of what those people's last moments must have been like just gives me the chills. Especially those little children. Father Lord!

I don't believe that every death is meant to be, or that it was their time. I don't believe that all those peoples' lives were meant to end yesterday. I don't know why it happened, and I don't have any answers to my questions so I will continue to muse and throw a few questions here and there.
In the meantime, the world keeps turning and life goes on. Yesterday, Twitter was ablaze with news of the crash, today we have moved on to tweeting about the same ol' things that we tweeted about before Sunday, June 3rd. Even for the families that must be going through some gut wrenching grief, life goes on and the world keeps turning.

Ultimately, the lesson that I take away from all these tragedies is that we may pray to God and ask for his mercies but ultimately, he has the final say. I mean, they say that his mercies keep us, but the ones that died nko? Were they undeserving of his mercies? Again, so many questions and zero answers. Well, until my timely or untimely death comes, I continue to be thankful that I can see another day. Like my sister said to me yesterday; God gives, and God takes. Until he takes, may I continue to enjoy the gift of life and not take it for granted, amen.

To the 153+ people who lost their lives yesterday, may your souls continue to rest in perfect peace. Amen. To the families that they left behind, I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel right now. I've been very subdued since the incident, so you must feel a million times worse than I do. Please take heart. To friends and coworkers, stay strong people. Sigh.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-1542435941994639862012-05-21T18:44:00.001-04:002012-05-21T18:45:17.959-04:00Me, Me and Me.I really haven't had anything specific to say, hence my extended period of silence. As opposed to a full on post, I have a bunch of random stuff that I just wanna yarn. You feel my p? Yeah, I know you do.

I have been experiencing bits and pieces of what you might call a 28th year life crisis. More and more moments of "why am I here?", "What am I supposed to be doing?", "What do I really want to do with my life?" etc etc. I'm almost 29, I should have some kind of idea should't I? I feel an even greater sense of envy/admiration for people who have those aspects of their lives figured out 'cos I know absolutely nothing.

Groupon and LivingSocial are great, but those sites will have you buying a whole bunch of stuff that you don't need. You're like "ooooh it's just $15...swipe!". Last year, I let a Kayaking tour, 6 pole dancing classes, and 15 Yoga classes expire. I always redeem the food/restaurant deals though...trust me na :-D.
In general sha, my attitude towards shopping has been "do I really want that?", "does it call my name?"...and that's how I've done a pretty good job in protecting my debit card in this first half of 2012.

I have a great number of pet peeves/things that annoy me. Examples would be people who don't know how to use their signal (or trafficator in Naija speak) when they turn, people who walk too slow when I'm rushing somewhere, people who take up 2 seats in a full bus/train etc etc. But I think that one of my top 3 list of pet peeves are people who just show up to my apartment unannounced. In this world of BBM, phone, Skype, Twitter, Instagram and all the other million and one social networks, there are more than enough ways to notify me before you make your grand entrance at my home. Don't play yourself and show up knocking on my door without telling me in advance, 'cos the same way you arrived unannounced is the same way you will depart unannounced.

I am not an adrenaline junkie. Everybody out there is living life on the edge going skydiving, bungee jumping, ziplining, scuba diving...ha niile and etcetra etcetra. I mean, even roller coasters freak me out but I'll still ride on one just to be a good sport. That adrenaline ish is not for me, and I am content with living life sitting on the edge of my bed. Y.O.L.O.

Graduation season is here. I like graduation season. The excitement at being done with school, the hope for the future and all the cool gifts of kerse. I still remember my own graduation day. I was happy to be done with school after I almost made it a career. In retrospect sha, sometimes I think that I was in such a hurry to graduate like my mates had done 1-2 years before I did, that I missed out on all the fun things I could have done i.e. studying abroad. I do remember when I graduated and folks would be like "I miss college life" and I'm like who misses college life? Now I totally see it. The freedom and liberty to do as you please, without being accountable to anybody but yourself (and maybe the people who control the purse strings).

The other day one of the people I follow on Twitter commented on how she is a naturally happy person/not a hardcore person and how she'd see comments such as "Happy people annoy me" and she initially felt hurt by such comments. I told her, girl if you are happy then nothing do you. I have nothing against bright and happy people. In this world where everybody is always like "I'm so crazy", "I'm a bitch", "I don't play", "I'm a pessimist" etc and it's considered to be cool, what's wrong with being a constantly happy kid? If that's your steez then stay happy, stay bubbly, and enjoy your life. Nothing do you.

One of my least favorite foods to cook is Jollof rice. It just never turns out right.

The other day my mom and my sister commented that I can be moody. I was like what?? Then I remembered how back in the day, one of my retail managers stated that I can be temperamental. I have to think about alla that, but I highly doubt that moody is a word that folks could use to describe me #Noselfdenial

I just realized how these set of of randoms is focused on me, me and me (hence the inspiration for the title). Heyy, we all have our self absorbed days.

 And on that note, I is O-U-T. Gotta catch up on ze blogs.Original Mgbekehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-7029273078195619238.post-73117995489339360012012-04-25T23:55:00.003-04:002012-04-26T00:07:06.324-04:00The Return of Zya Felix

Back in 2009, I blogged about Zya Felix's debut collection of lovely clutch bags and she's back again in the '12 with a brand new collection. I've known Zya for quite a while now, and she has always had a creative, hustling spirit which I very much admire. I even once "borrow posed" with one of the clutch bags from her debit collection and got so many compliments and "washing"...I was feeling like a real G6 that day. If I had as much talent as she had, I would be out here killing y'all with all kinds of handmade goodies...best believe that!

This Houston based Esquire + MBA + Designer triple threat of a lady really shows that versatility is not an area in which she is lacking. Without too much long story, I present to you...Zya Felix's new collection of clutch bags.

Please check out her website @ (www.zyafelix.com), and acquaint yourselves with her collection...She has even more styles that are not pictured here. And for the jewelry lovers, she also has some lovely statement necklaces for your viewing (and purchasing) pleasure. Ladies, buy some cute bags and jewelry for yourselves, your BFFs, your cousins....and dudes, hook your girl/sister/cousin up with a gift, just because :-D. For my Yankee based people, mothers day is just around the corner, so hook all the lovely mamas in your lives up with a nice gift.

Also, note that Ms. Zya has the following specials going on, so take advantage of them quickly at www.Zyafelix.com:
- For the month of APRIL ONLY, get free shipping on items over $70 with the coupon code: Freeship
OR
- Also, for the month of APRIL ONLY, get 10% off purchases over $50 with the code: ZFLaunch10

Peace and Love.Original Mgbekehttp://email@example.com