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My Nacle Notebook 2008: Funny comments
During the Niblets, a random John said that he enjoys looking back at the stuff that gets nominated more than he enjoys the voting. I tend to agree with him. There are all kinds of interesting, funny, amazing, and touching things written in the Bloggernacle. But I have a short memory, and I typically don't think about even the best of what I read for more than a day or two.
In an effort to improve my Bloggernacle experience, I've started bookmarking posts and comments that strike me. This way, when current discussions get too acrimonious or repetitive, I know I can always go back and find my own favorite pieces of writing.
So, on the assumption that a random John and I are not alone in enjoying looking back at favorite stuff, let me share some bits of my Nacle Notebook with you. I'll start with the comments that made me laugh.
But first (you know me), a few explanatory notes.
- These comments come from 2008. Yes, I know it's a bit late for writing retrospectives on 2008, but then we at ZD aren't really known for writing posts in a timely manner. I'm certainly no exception to that.
- I've shortened many of the comments (and added ellipses where I've done this) to reduce the length of this post. I apologize to the writers of these comments if this means I've misrepresented them. (I've included links to the original comments so you can read them in full.)
- Of course my Nacle Notebook is limited by the blogs I read. I'm sure there were lots of interesting and funny things said on many blogs I don't follow, but I can only read so much. The Niblets are better in that they can draw from many people's memories.
- It may not look like it, but I limited myself in how many comments I would include. I'm sorry if the ones I left out were your favorites. Please mention your favorites in the comments to this post. I always enjoy more funny comments.
Okay, so here are some comments that made me laugh in 2008, in roughly chronological order:
A comment on TT's post Do we really believe the Book of Mormon? at FPR:
- Dave:
The facts may not speak for themselves, but (modernly) most agree they should be given first place in the narrative and biases of the writer disclosed in the introduction. So a modern Deuternomist might write: "As a fervent Israelite, I affirm an ongoing covenant between a jealous and interventionist God and the Jews, a chosen people, which probably colors my narrative at certain points."
A comment on Lisa Ray Turner's post New Rules for Church Music at Mormon Matters:
- Benjamin Orchard:
I am . . . certain that EVERY chorister needs an electronic metronome bolted to their stand that shocks them when they conduct too slowly. It should be aware of the slowest recommended tempo for a song, and if they reach as slow as 10% faster than that, they get a jolt. Organists/pianists as well.
A comment on Andrew Ainsworth's post What Would Jesus Blog? at Mormon Matters:
- NM Tony:
Personally, I think that Jesus would be a blogging maniac. This is a great way to get your ideas out if your a good networker. But like Mormon Heretic stated, most of us use pseudonyms, so who know if Jesus would ever use is real name. He may use Gee Yo Va or El Ohim because those look cooler than just J.C. We would probably all be arguing about his ideas also. I mean, hey, we are already, right?
A comment on KC Kern's post BYU and the Honor Code at Mormon Matters:
- A. Lawrence:
For three months and despite being a current BYU student, I had sideburns that went to all the way to my jaw. I was informed by a member of my ward that "People with sideburns are statistically much more likely to smoke pot." A co-worker at my job told me that my "having sideburns is just as bad as it would be [for me] to grow and smoke marijuana in my dorm room, because either way it's non-compliant to a contract which [I] signed."
. . . if I had known that hair naturally growing on my face was directly related to drug addiction, I would have chopped my whole face off already [Brackets in original]
Comments on John Nilsson's post My Top Ten Cultural Sins, or Why I Don't Mark My Scriptures at Mormon Matters:
I sport the sinner's trifecta to church: non white shirt, long hair, facial hair.
- Rigel Hawthorne:
I know that the words of the hymn "I Believe in Christ" have a good message, but singing the hymn drives me crazy. So crazy, in fact, that I think of the following words when it is being sung:
I'm a darned long song;
I'm way too long.
It's like you're singing two whole songs.
You sing me once then repeat again
I cycle back and never end!
I'm a darned long song;
I'll make you yawn.
You'll wish the electric chair's turned on!
I'm like a torture chamber's rack
I'll make the terror suspect crack.
Comments on Ronan's post In the colonies, the stormtroopers are starting to lay down the law at BCC:
- MikeInWeHo (on whether white shirts are crucial for performing ordinances):
There should be a 24-hour Correlation Hotline where LDS from around the globe could call to get a definitive answer to these kinds of questions.
- Kevinf (responding to MikeInWeHo):
maybe we could just outsource it to a call center in Mumbai, and give them a copy of the GHI? Maybe having a bunch of non-interested 3rd party folks answering the phone and actually looking in the book could be useful.
Comments on AdamF's post "Please bless the food that it may change on a molecular level to provide us with additional strength that we would not get otherwise…" at Mormon Matters:
- FooboyX:
It does change the food, just like our blood is LITERALLY changed by baptism to the blood of Abraham. Adoption in to the house of Israel IS LITERAL. Just asked Sister X in my home ward.
Please note that the Catholic idea of transubstantiation, however, is complete bunk.
I don't pay much attention to blessings on the food at mealtime. I do, however, ask Jesus to turn the sacrament bread into His flesh in my tummy. When I do that, the sacrament feels more filling.
Comments on Julie M. Smith's post The Quote that Wouldn't Die (about the GA-attributed quote about today's youth being generals in the war in heaven) at T&S:
- gst:
I was a corporal in heaven. I had been a sergeant, but I was busted a stripe for striking Lieutenant Uchtdorf.
- gst:
a corporal in the pre-Earth life is an interesting thing: a non-corporeal corporal.
- Mark IV:
Do non-corpereal corporals have privates?
Comments on a random John's post Revisionist LDS Visual Aids? at Mormon Mentality:
- Ben There (on inaccurate Church art):
Gasp! The church is not paying attention to the details of its own ordinances?
I hear next week they're going to unveil a new painting of Joseph and Oliver baptizing each other with a fire hose. Details don't matter, after all!
A comment on ECS's post Awkward Mormon Moment #978 or Adventures in Polygamy at FMH:
- Seth R.:
No one does stealth doctrinal change as well as the LDS Church. 20 years from now we'll probably be praying to Heavenly Mother, women will have the Priesthood, polygamy will be back on the menu and no one will have even noticed the Church ever made any policy changes.
A comment on a General Conference open thread at BCC:
- Aaron Brown (on the difference between free agency and moral agency):
Moral agency costs like $3,700. Free agency doesn't. But you get what you pay for.
A comment on ESO's post of Public Service: Name that Baby at Mormon Mentality:
- jimbob:
I'm confused about waiting to name your kid until you see him/her. Are the nine months you had to figure it out not enough? Is it just because you work better under pressure?
A comment on Mark Brown's post Youth Programs – You Make the Call at BCC:
- gst (on scout fundraising):
I think that the Young Women should be able to raise money too. I propose the following activity: At about mid-day on each patriotic holiday, visit the homes that were visited by the scouts that morning, knock on the door and say something like, "That's a real nice flag you got there on your lawn. It would be a shame if something were to, you know, happen to it. You should consider hiring some of us girls in the ward to watch it for you. Otherwise, you never know what kind of desecration might occur. And you wouldn't want that, would you?"
A comment on DCcLemon's post Co-ed living at Mormon Mentality:
I actually lived in an off-campus BYU-approved housing unit that almost got their approval status revoked because they decided that the male and female buildings were too close to each other. They literally had to build a wall between the buildings so you would have to walk an extra 50 steps to get to the female apartments. Obviously, by the time you got there, you would be far to tired to fornicate.
A comment on Jamie Trwth's post "The White Shirt" at Mormon Matters:
- Ray:
Does anyone *really* want to suggest that God watches us and gets upset when I pass the sacrament without tucking my left hand behind my back? Do we really think he cares exactly how the deacons line up at the sacrament table? Would he be happier if they lined up in order of height or by age or coordinated by hair color?
Comments on Devyn S.'s post Polygamous Dichotomy or Dichotomous Polygamy? at Mormon Mentality:
- DKL (addressing a trollish commenter):
You're the kind of person that Jesus would have punched in the face. Even if Pilate and all the other Roman authorities were right there trying to hold him back, he'd break free of the centurions holding his arms, run straight out you, and then BOOM: straight in the kisser. A knuckle sandwich straight from the Savior of All Mankind and the Prince of Peace. Then Ciaphas and all the Jews observing would raise a cheer unto heaven as your limp body fell to ground, sorely injured by The Punch of God.
- DKL (after being accused of having violent tendencies—note Guy Noir is the trollish commenter):
Actually, I don't like knuckle sandwiches, and I would never want Jesus to punch anyone in the face. It's just what He would do, and I'm as upset about it as the next guy. I'm also upset that Jehovah wanted Saul to kill all of the Ammonites. And you can imagine how angry I was to read that God sent she-bears to kill the boys who poked fun at Elijah — that's just murder, plain and simple. But God's ways aren't man's ways, I've just got to live with a God who comes up way short of my expectations for moral perfection.
In fact, if I were there when Jesus broke free of the centurions holding his arms and rushed at Guy Noir in order to deck him, I'd interpose myself between Guy and Christ in order to defend him. Maybe this would mean that I'd get the knuckle sandwich instead of Guy, but I'd do that for him.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man takes in on the jaw from Jesus for his friends.
A comment on TT's post What if . . .? at Faith-Promoting Rumor:
- Lon Franson:
I am aware of a pair of missionaries (in my mission) who were severely disciplined in the mission field for laying their hands on their mailbox and commanding it to receive more mail on their behalf.
A comment on Andrew Ainsworth's post Mormon Coffee at Mormon Matters:
- Andy Munzer:
I drink Red Bull. It helps me to do important work to get my education, like the Prophet asked us to do.
A comment on Hawkgrrrl's post The Mormon Urge to Glurge at Mormon Matters:
- mormonmagmeister:
an American missionary in Germany . . . wanted to tell one of his favorite stories in sacrament meeting . . . He didn't speak the language very well yet, but for some reason he decided to try to translate the story on his own. It was the one about the eagle that thought it was a chicken, so the farmer takes it to a cliff and tells it that it's an eagle and that it can fly, and then he throws it off the cliff, and it flies. Anyway, it's about realizing who we really are. Well, this missionary translated the story of the eagle and the chickens into the story of the hedgehog (Igel—a false cognate, I guess) and the rotisserie chickens (just picked the wrong word from the dictionary). The congregation listened quietly to the farmer's words: "Fly, you hegdehog! You have such lovely feathers and long wings. You are not a rotisserie chicken like the others. You are a hedgehog. You can fly." I can only imagine the missionary's companion (who did nothing to rescue him) sitting there dying of repressed laughter through the whole thing. Well, the missionary finished his talk, and everyone said "Amen," though with a bit of a question mark attached to it. I think they all chalked it up the cultural differences—Those Americans and their kitschy stories. I just don't get them.
A comment on Kevin Barney's post Mission Reading Rules at BCC:
- Jami:
There were a bunch of "Let's Make a Deal" type books in circulation just prior to my arrival in the mission and my first mission president had outlawed them all. He had missionaries creating all sorts of bizarre covenants: "I'll never say the word 'fetch' again or eat sugar and you, god, will give me six baptisms this month. Understood?" For some reason, the MP thought that was an inappropriate practice.
A comment on Jessawhy's post The Role of the Faithful Feminist at the Exponent:
- Kirsten (on being a feminist YW president):
Knowing that there are many Uber-Mormons among our congregation, I didn't stand on the table and rend my bra in twain.
Comments on Kevin Barney's post Not Letting Women Open Sacrament Meeting Redux:
- Mark B.:
It's all those damned generals from the war in heaven giving unwritten orders again!
- Justin (after making an earlier comment about writing to President Packer to tell him his "Unwritten Order of Things" talk was being used to keep women from praying to open sacrament meeting):
I suspect that President Packer will respond to my letter in two ways. First, he'll send a letter to all church leaders directing that MP holders should offer the opening prayer in sacrament meeting. Second, he'll then send a letter to my stake president directing him to excommunicate me. Should be good times this summer.
A comment on Kathryn Soper's post In the interest of full disclosure at Segullah:
- not mother theresa:
My mommy blunders are legion, but I think I my worst moment was the time I threw my matted and framed copy of the Proclamation of the Family down the stairs and told my unruly children (whose father had been out of town for several days), "You make a mockery of this!"
- tonya:
One day I walked into the basement where my oldest was doing crafts. She had a glue gun on a wimpy board, on the carpet, that melted through and left a small hole in the carpet. I was furious. I brought the whole gang together, pointed to it and explained nicely (yea, sure) how NOT to use a glue gun.
Well, last week I was busy ironing, sitting on the floor, watching TV and I was doing fine for a while, ironing, putting the iron up, ironing, putting the iron up, ironing…and placed it down – straight down on the carpet! PANIC – with the whole family in the room watching my reaction I started to cry and then burst out laughing. What else could I do?!? My sweet hubbie says "did you just do what I think you did?" I was laughing so hard I couldn't think and all my oldest could say was "well, it serves you right!"
So now right in the exact middle of our family room is a lovely imprint of an iron – steam holes and all – as my reminder to be nice. When my daughter forgot to cut on the cutting board all she said was "iron." When another spilled in the kitchen all she said was "iron." Great. Now they have ammo forever…
And hubbie thinks its great and sees absolutely no reason to replace the carpet. EVER.
A comment on Mark Brown's post Score Your Sweetie at BCC:
- queuno:
I don't know about the HP groups, but EQ is one long tedious exercise in one-upmanship. For an EQ activity, they asked for volunteers to bring their grills, and it turned into a hideous display of "well, *my* grill can feed the Saharan subcontinent **AND** my truck can transport all of yours!"
Comments on Kaimi's post Sunlight (on how troubling topics in Church history should be handled) at BCC:
- mmiles:
I'm not sure what you mean by full disclosure. (I am imagining handing each member a handful of pamphlets in uber-tiny writing after baptism and confirmation, kind a like you get in the mail from the credit card company whenever they change their rules.).
A comment on Janet's post Series: Pictures of Pornography and the LDS People at FMH:
- Jim-Bob (responding to the suggestion that one reason to object to porn was to consider whose pockets you were lining):
I only look at porn on pay-per-view, and then only when I'm staying at a Marriott hotel. That way at least some of what I spent on the porn will make it back to the church by way of tithing on J.W. Marriott's income and the income of all the other LDS who work at or own stock in the company.
A comment on Julie M. Smith's post A Thomas Jefferson Education? at T&S:
- gst:
I prefer to give my kids the Groucho Marx Education (GME): They leave home at the age of 15 to join a traveling vaudeville troupe that shortly goes bust, leaving them stranded with no money in a remote mining town in the Colorado Rockies.
A comment on Mark Brown's post The Easy Way Out at BCC:
- Kaimi (on the question of what active members of the Church categorically reject its counsel):
I think I'm the one to blame. I haven't told you guys this, but actually, I'm the one [another commenter is] referring to when he talks about people who reject church counsel categorically. That's been my approach for several months now. I started out just rejecting church counsel sporadically for a while, but then I thought, hell with it, why not go all the way. Categorical rejection it is.
Categorical rejection is a lot harder than it sounds, you know. For instance, I can't really tell people that I reject church counsel categorically, because I'm not allowed to be honest (the church says to be honest, which I must reject), so I actually have to tell people that I _don't_ reject church counsel, categorically. But that creates its own problems — if I don't tell people, then I can't convince them to join me in rejecting church counsel categorically. It's a real logical puzzle, that one.
Or, take the statements Mark points out. Since I'm a categorical rejector, I'm supposed to campaign for gay marriage, but _also_ supposed to hate gays and be unwelcoming towards them. Not easy. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
As a true categorical rejector, I'm supposed to rob, deceive, curse, hate, and kill everybody I know — all the while, _also_ leading them astray. This creates some interesting dilemmas, like: If I'm stealing from someone, how am I supposed to convince them to worship idols with me? True categorical rejection can be a really tough balancing act to pull it all off, let me tell you.
But at the end of the day, it's worth it. I can point to myself as someone who actually does reject church counsel categorically, and I can be proud of a job well done. (See? Pride. Categorical rejection of anti-pride talks.)
Now, I'm sorry to say, I have to kill you. But first, would you like to go worship idols with me?
A comment on Steve Evans's post Biking to Work: BCC Crushes All at BCC:
- amri:
In Provo I biked everywhere. I was biking to work (the MTC, I know I am so nerdy) and I got hit by a pick up truck on State St who wasn't paying attention. So of course the cops come and an ambulance etc. There was an old cop and a young cop, the latter being very good-looking. The old one was looking after me the injured one and the young one was comforting the girl who hit me, a recently returned sister missionary. She was sobbing uncontrollably. A few days later, I called to get a few more insurance details (I had broken ribs and a wrecked bike) and she said the cute cop had come by her work later and asked her out and they had already gone on their first date and she thinks they're gonna get married and if they do it will be because I brought them together and I should definitely throw her bridal shower.
I was like, yeah, uh-huh, sure. No.
On the upside, people thought one of the three Nephites pulled me out of oncoming traffic on State St. He had a mohawk and all sorts of piercings and he disappeared as soon as the police arrived.
A comment on David Knowlton's post What is Doctrine? at BCC:
- Mark B.:
So what if sex is only for procreation? Don't you think it's appropriate to practice?
What musician would show up on stage without ever practicing? What ballplayer, or golfer?
Same with sex. I think it's important to keep your skills sharp with regular practice, so that when it comes time to procreate you'll be ready.
Comments on ECS's post Gay = Happy at FMH:
- MikeInWeHo (quoting and ribbing Nick Literski):
"I have been partnered with two men for about a year and a half."
Now THAT's a gay Mormon! Nick Literski: Living The Principle since 2006.
- cj douglass (continuing from Mike's comment):
Mike, Ray – I would appreciate you referring to Nick as a fundamentalist gay Mormon. I don't want people mixing him up with the mainstream gay Mormons. You know, with the funny hair and all.
- Nick Literski (responding to cj douglass):
Wait just a cotton-picking minute, cj! If I'm a gay fundamentalist Mormon, I don't exist on two counts! Hinckley said there's no such thing as a "Fundamentalist Mormon, and he referred to "so-called gays!
A comment on Cynthia L.'s post Stuff I Learned from My First Trip to the Temple at BCC:
- Latter-day Guy (on the temple):
I was initially surprised that it wasn't more weird, personally . . . Then I read through a copy of one of the older scripts––wow; now I'm hoping that we'll take a page out of the Catholics' book and start offering "legacy night" at the temple: once a month using the ordinances from the 1920s. Awesome.
A comment on Hawkgrrrl's post A Few Choice Words on Swearing at Mormon Matters:
- madhousewife:
I try not to swear. Just not very hard.
A comment on J. Nelson-Seawright's post Coming Clean at BCC:
- Mathew:
Dear Ward Members,
Remember that time I said I never expected to be called to be bishop. It wasn't true. As a little kid I thought I was a shoe-in for apostle too. In fact I used to lay in my bed at night afraid the sliver of light on the wall was the beginnings of an angel coming to appear to me.
A comment on Stephen Wellington's post What kind of Mormon are you-Internet or chapel? at Mormon Matters:
- Shawn Larsen:
I very often wish some of my internet brethren and sisters were either teaching the classes I attend, or sitting next to me to hear my witty, oh-so-enlightened commentary (my wife, too, would aprpeciate someone else taking over this job).
Comments on Quimby's post Just because so many think we hate all men . . . at FMH:
- Derek (to another commenter who lamented that she shouldn't have clicked on a link to a picture of a big spider):
Its your own fault . . . . You knew what that spider was before you clicked it up.
- Allie:
I used to work in a public library shelving children's books. I was always so angry at the kids who would check out the books with the huge pictures of spiders on them because it scared the hell out of me when I tried to put them back on the shelves. Try arranging books on a shelf without touching any of them because, any moment, the spiders may come to life and getcha!
A comment on jupiterschild's post Process-ease and other Linguistic Pet Peeves at Faith-Promoting Rumor:
- edje (responding to jupiterschild's irritation at "processes" being pronounced "processeez"):
Sorry, you can't have my eezes. I acquired them in my tender youth sans conscious pretense. You can go sing that Christmas song about hippopotamusses all you want; you'll get my processeezes when you pry them from my cold, dead mouth.
A comment on ECS's post Sweatin' to the Ogles at FMH:
OOGling is the onomatopoeia of ogle.
The two "o"s represent the ogling eyes. You may ogle with one eye, but two eyes are better.
A comment on CJ Douglass's post Mission Cred Syndrome at Nine Moons:
- Tom:
Don't even get me started on bicycles and cars. You must be some kind of soft if you need wheel-based locomotion to be an effective missionary. Did Ammon have wheels? Was he riding a unicycle when he chopped off those arms and converted the king? I don't think so. And you know why he didn't need wheels? Because he was valiant in the pre-existence.
A comment on Mark Brown's post Education and Class at BCC:
- Kristine:
Clearly, everyone should be getting Ph.D.'s in the humanities–that way we can obey the injunction to "get all the education [we] can" without having to deal with the filthy lucre that comes from other professions.
A comment on Adam Greenwood's post Gay Marriage in Space at T&S:
- danithew:
Adam Greenwood should publish and sell a calendar with pictures of returned missionaries wearing vests.
Comments on fMhLisa's post Misaligned Sunday School at FMH:
- SAM (responding to another commenter who reported people hoping for more meat in Gospel Doctrine):
What could possibly be more "meaty" than the story of Ammon cutting off arms???
- StillConfused
Might I suggest an alternate use of your 2nd hour. Try take a bunch of fiber before church (or the night before if that timing is better) and spend the time colon cleansing. You may feel refreshed rather than irritated. And I hear it is really good for you too.
A comment on AdamF's post Celestial Marriage Amendment at Mormon Matters:
- Hawkgrrrl (considering the possibility of her husband marrying again if she dies first):
I suppose we'd have to settle it through some sort of celestial catfight smackdown. Or I could just look up old boyfriends. Or perhaps I could just haunt him so he never remarries. I have lots of options.
A comment on Steve Evans's Police Beat Roundtable #1 at BCC:
- Mark B.:
I don't think, kevinf, that you should ever say "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm" in a story involving vibrators.
A comment on ECS's post Out, Out, Damned Spot! or BlindSpot Revisited at FMH:
- Stephanie:
I do want to hold a conversation more intelligent than "You're Satan!", "NO! YOU'RE Satan."
A comment on Valoel's post Confessions of a Coffee Heathen at Mormon Matters:
- Seldom:
Instead of the current prohibition against coffee, tea, alcohol, and tobacco, I propose a performance based word of wisdom faithfulness test. It could be modeled (through insiration) after the miltary physical test. The physical test would require something like a 2 mile run without feeling weary, and a 5 mile walk without fainting. Pushup could be used to determine "the weak and weakest of all saints who are or can be called saints." Any deaths during the testing could be used as conclusive proof that "the destroying angel did not pass them."
A comment on Jeff Spector's post Excommunication: Shame or Fame? at Mormon Matters:
- Imperfection:
when you are baptised your spirituality knob goes to 11.
A comment on Lisa Ray Turner's post Is One Date Enough? at Mormon Matters:
- Left Field:
My mission president didn't give me a deadline [for getting married] when I was released, but he did instruct me to keep my hands off the breasts when I was on a date. That might have been good advice for some, but for an introvert who resisted dating, it was kind of pointless. He might just as well have counseled me not to punch Queen Elizabeth in the mouth whenever I visited her.
A comment on Steve Evans's post Evil-speaking History at BCC:
- Steve Evans (on Elder Oaks's use of "depreciate" in describing criticizing Church leaders):
if you choose to depreciate your leaders you can amortize your faith over the lifespan of the leader in question — which, in our religion, is a very long time.
A comment on Kaimi Wenger's post Teas at T&S:
- MikeInWeHo:
This aspect of the WoW is a tough one, because tea is clearly a gift from above. Maybe it's some kind of eternal consolation prize. (Sorry 'bout the TK smoothie. Would you like a nice cup of Earl Grey?)
A comment on Mogget's post Get Thee to a Grad School at FPR:
- TT (responding to another commenter who said we should just follow Jesus's example):
If more people just followed Jesus's example by wandering around from town to town and then getting killed, the world would be a better place.
A comment on Margaret Young's post Does one smudge ruin it? at BCC:
- Margaret Young:
I should at least say that I have my own moral lines in literature, film, art. . . . I demand something of whatever I read or watch. It has to pay me back well for my time. I will even admit that when Bruce and the kids and I traipsed across Europe, seeing every museum Bruce could find, I finally said, "I don't think I can handle seeing one more penis." Hope he didn't take that personally.
A comment on Devyn S.'s post Almost, I am convinced to be a Utahn at Mormon Mentality:
- Dan Ellsworth:
Utah is also navigable, which I cannot say for much of the East coast, especially New England. However, when you inevitably get lost in New England, you get lost amid much better architecture.
A comment on Amri's post How to Not Drink in a Bar at BCC:
- MikeInWeHo:
If you put a frog in a Red Bull mojito it will jump right out. But if you put a frog in a glass of muddled mint and lime, then gradually add the Red Bull and rum…it will stay until it gets drunk.
A comment on Hawkgrrrl's post In Defense of Apologists at Mormon Matters:
- Matt Thurston:
My problem is that Church feels like an anemic two-instrument symphony… I can only hear the Correlated Piccolo and the Apologetic Violin.
A comment on Aileen's post Investigator? Really? Is that the best you can do? at BCC:
- Tatiana:
Couldn't we find another word with the denotation of "investigator" but with more neutral connotations? How about LDS-curious?
A comment on Tagore's post The Sexual Compatibility Argument at Mormon Mentality:
- Left Field:
I'm with those who aren't really sure exactly what the term [sexual incompatibility] is supposed to mean. But then I'm an evolutionary biologist. If we belong to the same species, then by definition, we're sexually compatible. "Sexually incompatible" would mean that we have non-overlapping breeding seasons, the parts don't fit, the egg and sperm won't fuse, etc. When people talk about finding out if they're sexually compatible, I imagine them being somehow confused about whether or not their potential partner is a fellow human.
A comment on Kent Larsen's post Salvation or Happiness? at T&S:
- mike:
To me "Plan of Happiness" sounds like something the Chinese communists came up with. It sounds too cult-like
A comment on fMhLisa's post Reconciling Mormon Feminism with Patriarchy at FMH:
- Quimby:
did you know there's now an operation you can have to remove your horns?
Of course some Bishops will try to talk you out of it – they will say that you should keep your horns as an outward symbol of just how different you are from the rest of the world – but so far I haven't heard of anyone being denied a temple recommend because they were dehorned, so my feeling is, as long as it's not a temple recommend question, it's perfectly acceptable to get your horns removed.
I have, and let me tell you, it's so much easier to do my hair in the morning now that I don't have to comb around the horn. And washing and conditioning has never been easier!
. . . I have to admit that the downside is that I no longer "look different" – people don't even know I'm a Mormon unless I tell them (or unless they're passing out the drinks and I say no thanks, but even then, half the time they just assume I'm a recovering alcoholic) – so there's a bit of that "special spirit" that's disappeared from my life; but on the balance the positives way outweigh the negatives.
A comment on Kaimi Wenger's post Unsubstantiated Rumor #2 at T&S:
- Alison Moore Smith (commenting on the difference between how multiple marriages are handled for women and men):
BTW, I'm having cake over here tonight. Women, you can all have three or more pieces–with my approval. Men, you can, too, but you have to throw up all previous pieces in order to have more.
A comment on fMhLisa's post Gross bodily functions: menstrual edition at FMH:
- Kerri:
A couple of weeks ago my 4-year-old son came up to me all proud and said "I have it, just like you!" I didn't know what he was talking about and kept on with the baking and dishes I was doing. So he kept gabbering on, and I asked him what he had like me. He bent over, pulled down his undies and showed me a tampon sticking half out of his butt. I almost died, both in horror and hilarity. I tried to stay calm and said, "You don't have a vagina like Mama. And does that hurt?" and he just walked away saying, "I have a bum." I found it in the bathroom trash a few minutes later. I'm guessing he wasn't able to sit down whilst wearing it.
Comments on Rebecca's post Toddlers and Testimonies at FMH:
- hero:
favorite kid line while blessing the food: "and thank you for my super powers…"
- Janet:
I thought our old ward had the weirdest experience when a fellow showed up to tell us our bishop was in league with satan and the government's black helicopters, rambling on with increasingly violent diction until most of the big burley "silent type" men of the ward had quietly and quickly moved up to the stand. When the conspiracy theorist finished up he left quietly, and all the big dudes were then obligated to actually *bear their testimonies* rather than tackle him.
A comment on Kevin Barney's post Kids Can Be Real [Expletive Deleted] Sometimes [brackets in original title] at BCC:
- Norbert:
Ardis, I like the word 'assholiness.' I'm going to start using it, accusing people of being 'assholier than thou.'
A comment on Kaimi's post Prop-8-imonies at BCC:
- Kristine:
I find Lamaze breathing far more helpful in church meetings than it ever was during childbirth
A comment on Shelah's post (not) Feeding the Missionaries at FMH:
- Left Field:
The missionaries are "forcing" their religion on people. They do it by ringing doorbells. Every time someone engages my doorbell, I am forced to change religions. I've been forced at threat of doorbell to vote for Obama. Then I was forced to vote for McCain. I was forced to buy Girl Scout cookies. The ultimate indignity was when I was forced by doorbell to sign a petition. It's going to get very ugly when bank robbers and kidnappers realize that the doorbell is a much more effective instrument of force. However, there's not much we can do since doorbell rights are protected by the second amendment.
When doorbells are outlawed, only outlaws will ring doorbells. They'll take my doorbell when they pry it from my cold, dead forefinger.
A comment on Amri Brown's post Serious Thoughts on the One Exception to the No Facial Hair Rule at BCC:
- Norbert:
I am SO tired of hearing how facial hair rules are needed to protect women from being afraid of men! Men and their moustaches cannot be held responsible for the emotional state of women! Somehow it means men don't own their own faces, that their upper lip become the property of the women of the church, always subject to the female gaze! It is a limitation on the statement of our masculinity! If women think its perverty, then maybe they need to look into their own hearts for the pervertiness!
A comment on Janet's post General Relief Society Conference at FMH:
- Janet:
I worked in the BYU archives during my undergrad years, and my "office" was a little place hollowed out of stacks of endless boxes ala the last scene in *Raiders of the Last Ark.* One day I had folk music on my little stereo and was dancing around barefoot while organizing said boxes. I had a happy little bun in my hair and a jar of Nutella in my hand. I twirled to the music, turned around, and bumped right smack dab into . . . Dallin H. Oaks. Chocolate smeared across my dorky mouth, I looked up at him agape and said, "Hello. You look like Yul Brenner." His response? "Thank you! My wife says so as well, but I am more handsome."
I like him.
A comment on a General Conference open thread at BCC:
- Johnna Cornett:
I realized conference had started, downloaded the new player on lds.org, started it running live, and returned to work sewing a silk dress.
Just in time to hear about those evil Nephites and their fine clothing.
A comment on Amy's post Show a Little Love (and Understanding) at FMH:
- crazywomancreek (on the term "part member):
the first time you ask someone to define their meaning- look them in the eye and say, "part-member"? I don't know what business it is of yours to enquire after my husbands "member" but I assure you, he is all man
A comment on SteveP's post Astrid grills a phone-missionary about evolution at BCC:
- Nitsav:
Next time a fundamentalist confronts you at a pageant, and claims you believe we came from monkeys, you can respond, "yes, well, you believe we came from dirt."
I personally straddle the two camps by believing we came from dirty monkeys.
A comment on Steve Evans's post Monday Morning Poll: Divine Power Edition at BCC:
- John C.:
If you can find a legal justification for Nephi's actions aside from "God told me, too," I would be happy to hear it. If God commands, thou shalt not murder, but has exceptions in mind, then I'd be interested in having those noted beforehand, not afterwards.
A comment on Clay Whipkey's post 5 Cool Things I Wish the LDS Church Were Doing at Mormon Matters:
- Matt Thurston:
As for musical instruments… more guitar please, and less piano, violin, and flute. Seriously, what is wrong with the guitar? Is there some fear someone is going to bust into an LDS version of Stairway to Kolob?
A comment on Not Ophelia's post A Reason the Church's Prop 8 Stance Might Just be Inspired at FMH:
- Not Ophelia:
Allowing marriage at all will just lead to a slippery slope of people marrying their pet turtles. We need a real propositiion, not this whimpy prop 8 nonsense. One that clearly outlaws marriage for all people. Then we won't have to worry about all those pesky 'what-if's' that might maybe happen someday if we don't make everyone be just like us.
A comment on Kristine's post A Short Question at BCC:
- Jacob J:
I just went ahead and said a prayer for all the food that anyone will be eating tonight anywhere in the world, so no need to bless your dinner tonight, I've got it covered. No, don't worry about it, I was happy to do it. This one's on me, I'm sure you'll have my back next time.
A comment on Kathryn Lynard Soper's post Two-headed Hydra at T&S:
- JimD (on what the Lord might say about Prop 8):
"Quit your whining about gay marriage, or so help me, I'll steer this Earth into the next black hole I see!!!"
A comment on Devyn S.'s post The Church's Overplayed Hand On Prop 8 at Mormon Mentality:
- annegb:
I know we're told the Constitution will hang by a thread and that there will be chaos in the last days, but I'm not as excited as I thought I would be about it.
- DKL (responding to another commenter):
last time I checked, the glory of God was intelligence. Please provide a source for your contention that the glory of God is emotionally satisfying nonsense.
A comment on Dave Banack's post 12 Questions for the LDS Newsroom, Part One at T&S:
- Adam Greenwood:
The good thing about the Newsroom is that its only tentatively official. Disavowable and changeable, its like a beta revelation.
A comment on Kent Larsen's post Mormon Halloween: Its Origin and Destiny at T&S:
- bfwebster:
When I was a teenager, we had a pumpkin carving activity at Mutual the week of Halloween. I carved a fairly normal jack o' lantern, then used some tin foil and red paint to form a cigar, which I put in the pumpkin's mouth.
It was a Jack o' Mormon.
A comment on Steve Evans's post Police Beat Roundtable #10 at BCC:
- Ardis E. Parshall (praising Steve Evans's comments):
Your remarks have all been cogent, informative, poetic, significant, and destined to live on in the literature of civilization.
In fact, I hear NASA has inscribed your comments on a disk to be sent out into space as an indicator of the high water mark of human achievement. Alien life forms will read them with awe.
In second fact, General Conference next April will consist entirely of a parade of apostles reading your comments into the record of the church, the words we are to live by for the following six months.
A comment on Kris Wright's post For I was an hungered, and ye shot me at BCC:
- gst:
I would kill to protect my food storage. But I have a lot of kids, so I might let people eat one of my kids.
A comment on Rusty's post I Just Heard A Hilarious Joke About Prop 8 at Nine Moons:
- Seth R.:
I think guys hooking up with guys is a great idea.
More wives for me.
A comment on Brad's post Prop 8 Redux: Afterthoughts at BCC:
- Kristine:
I used "institutional growth" as shorthand for "individuals coming to Christ" because Brad's post was couched in the language of cost-benefit analysis . . .
(Also because I was running out the door to pick up kids from school and do the afternoon's round of basketball/cello/soccer/physical therapy/grocery shopping/cooking/homework/laundry/dinner/Scouts/bedtime, and "institutional growth" was quicker to type. If you want nuance, please hire me a nanny and chauffeur ).
A comment on Rebecca J's post Mormon book and games: Good, clean fun—or abomination? (Or both?) at BCC:
- meems:
Before I was married I wanted to know all about s.e.x., without going and buying a book in a regular bookstore- you know? So I went to the LDS bookstore and bought all the books that had to do with marriage and the like, e.g. Sacred Intimacy, with the desperate hopes they would give me the low down on what it was all about and the official church approved ways of doing it.
No. $80 later and still none the wiser.
A comment on Kristine's post Mormonism and the English Language at BCC:
- Latter-day Guy:
I have recently begun using "supernal," and appositive phrases beginning with "even," dozens of times after church on Sundays just to annoy my family. My parents think that it amounts to "mocking the brethren" which (they ought to know) only serves as encouragement. "Today, I taught a lesson out of a church manual. A supernal manual, even the Valiant 11 manual"
Comments on Quimby's post Let's Rewrite the Hymn Book at FMH:
- Katie:
my BIL's family has a joke about "Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel." In their home, "duty" or "do your duty" was always code for #2. So, they would all break out in giggles whenever they would sing "do your duty with a heart full of song." Oh, the irreverence.
- Shelah (explaining the "between the sheets" game she used to get through boring sacrament meetings):
just add "between the sheets" to the end of the hymn title/first line of the hymn . . . so you get things like:
Awake and arise between the sheets (tame)
Abide with me between the sheets (somewhat suggestive)
Lean on my ample arm between the sheets (PG)
The world has need of willing men between the sheets (PG-13)
I stand all amazed between the sheets (for the honeymoon)
The iron rod between the sheets (XXX!)
A comment on Artemis's post Shared Presiding at FMH:
- Derek:
prayer in our home is typically determined by random chance/will of God. We play paper-rock-scissors. If God has a preference regarding to whom He wishes to listen at any given time, he will inspire that person's choice and help them win.
A comment on fMhLisa's post Am I a bad priesthood holder, or am I a bad husband? at FMH:
- KingOfTesticles:
Are you mad at God for not letting you have the penis?
It's not like men can abuse this unique instrument of authority. Of course if any man wields his in any degree of unrighteousness, it is withdrawn, Amen to the penis or the authority of that man. Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks.
A comment on J. Nelson-Seawright's post Baptizing Jesus at BCC:
- Rebecca J:
I went to college with a guy who looked like Jesus. I didn't know him personally. Frankly, his Jesusness was intimidating.
A comment on Rebecca's post Advent – Day 1 at FMH:
Friend of mine asked her pre-schooler what Easter was all about. He said eggs and bunnies and pretty colors and springtime. She took a deep breath, and said, "Well, Honey, actually, those things are nice, but Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus"… And he whacked his head and said "You mean Jesus is going to ruin EASTER TOO? He's already got Christmas!"
A comment on Ronan's post A partial list of my Mormon failures, annotated. at BCC:
- Rameumptom:
I have a friend, named Joel, who used lemonade in the sacrament once. On another time, he felt the water was to warm, and so placed the trays the night before in the freezer. How was he to know the stake president was going to visit that Sunday, and would not be amused at crunching his water?
A comment on Sam MB's post Home Teaching Wisdom at BCC:
- Thomas Parkin (answering another commenter who said "I also hate people doing things for me so they can get blessings."):
Yeah. When my hometeachers come on the last day of the month, I always pray that they won't get any blessings for it. If they seem particularly phony, I might also pray for their children to get sick, or maybe for them to lose their means of making a living. Maybe then they will get some perspective and come be my friend no later than the 15th of every month.
A comment on fMhLisa's post Overheard (with pictures) at FMH:
- Janet:
Me and one of my best college buddies have kids six weeks apart. I visited her two weeks ago, and her 4-year old expressed rabid interest in everything (and I do mean everything) me or Muffin did. He's obviously expressed equally rapt attention to his baby brother's activities, for during Muffin's first diaper change of the visit the 4-year old leaned in for a good look, did a double take, squinted at Muffin's non-circumcized penis and loudy queried:
"What kinda penis is THAT??? They come in KINDS?"
A comment on ESO's post Mormons: Now Valuing Virtue at Mormon Mentality:
- annegb:
I have the sort of visiting teacher who reads the whole lesson in a sweet sing song voice and loves chants and I seriously looked at her today as she was reading me the lesson and I swear, I think I saw a "host" gleam in her eye. Or maybe a Stepford stare. But she does bring me really great cookies.
A comment on Adam Greenwood's post Tithing Settlement 2008 at T&S:
- Kathryn Soper:
All I can think about at tithing settlement is my husband's idea to expedite matters: a drive-thru window in the Bishop's office.
Would you like to supersize that offering?
A comment on Shelah's post Religion and Marketing at FMH:
- Quimby:
in Ghana . . . businesses have names like, "Son of God Tyre Company," "Blessed Mother Foreign Exchange," and "Running on Prayers Taxi Co." The last one didn't inspire a lot of confidence – prayers are all well and good but I'd prefer it if my taxi was running on gas.
Comments on Janet's post Consecrated Christmas Silliness at FMH:
- Shelah:
I just sat down for the first time ALL DAY and I'm exhausted, and was immediately met with two requests for hot chocolate and one announcement of a poopy diaper. Where's a good sister wife when you need her?
- Betty Jo:
Some years back I received a cute little butter dish. The plate part is charmingly hand painted and just barely wider and longer than a cube of butter. The lid is formed in the shape of a duck. It's also nicely painted, and just barely fits over that cube of butter (so long as the butter is still firm and perfectly centered.) Good grief – it is the most ergonometrically defective butter dish I've ever suffered from. With the first touch of a butter knife, there is butter on the edge of the dish, and butter covering the bottom of the duck lid. I find myself wiping dish and lid off with paper towel every day. Why, one may well ask, is it still in use, sitting on the counter all gross and greasy?
There is but one reason – in a fit of fancy, a long long time ago, I asked one of the children to fetch the "Ducky Butter" to the dinner table. How now can I possible "off" something called "Ducky Butter"? I'm paralyzed by the power of the name. I daren't give it away to anyone lest they also be captured.
- 31 August 2009
47 Responses to "My Nacle Notebook 2008: Funny comments"
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thanks for posting this collection of quotes. It gave me my morning laugh! (I'm also glad I didn't say anything in 2008 worthy of inclusion.)
I haven't had time to read the whole list, but I chuckled even at my own comments, having forgotten that I'd said any of them. I did, however repeat one of the stories here a couple of days ago. It was way funnier the first time. Let that be a lesson. Once you start repeating yourself, you might as well quit because it's just not going to be as funny.
Is it too late to go back and close my quote?
Ziff, I'm sitting here laughing so hard the tears are running down my cheeks (as my daughter makes ever more devious attempts to get the laptop cord into her mouth).
Thanks so much for putting this together. It's a great public service–in fact, I think I'll bookmark it so that I can reread on blah, glum days. And I really hope other people on the thread will add their own favorites.
I read all of this. I am so ashamed. But I do love the whole "iron" thing. Well worth the price of admission.
There are some days that I think I am done with this Mormon blogging thing, that I am tired of the same old arguments and the same old trolling. And then, Ziff, you pull it all together for us. Thanks.
Thanks marta, Keri, Eve, Matt, Steve, and Norbert. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
Thanks for pointing out the missing quote, Left Field. I've fixed it. I (foolishly) wrote this post up in Word and put all the html tags in myself because WordPress was giving me a hard time, but then when I moved it back from Word to WordPress, all the "smart quotes" that Word had helpfully inserted made WordPress crazy, so I had to do a lot of manual editing and I'm sure I missed more than that.
Ziff is valuable indeed.
Very nicely done.
you do the most amazingly time-consumingly fantastically clever things. I laughed so hard I peed my pants, seriously, betrayed by motherhood again.
Also, I understand that versimilitude demands that you keep my grammatical errors, so I just want to state for the masses that I now know how to use the preposition to. Also, I just wrote too again before correcting it.
I feel like I read a lot of comments but I was shocked at how many of these I hadn't seen before. Nice work.
Oh, and someone at FMH should unveil the true identity of KingOfTesticals. Maybe after a pool on who it is.
Err, "Testicles". See, it is not me.
You are amazing! It was so funny reading them but that you linked them all as well- Ziff! You are such a rock star! Having said that it makes me more than a little sad that there is no one who lives where I do that I can share this with. I hope people start posting more in the comments! I am unashamed to say that going back and reading the exchange between Quimby, Ruby and myself on Mormon de-horning made me laugh until I cried. Particularly when Ruby claimed to "understand" the process better! ahahahahahahaha- that KILLS me! Thanks so much, Ziff!
Ziff, you enchant me! Thanks for the laughs today.
Jacob J., you want to go on record as *not* the
Thanks, Kathryn, Cynthia, Kaimi, Lisa, John, Jacob, CWC, and Idahospud. I really appreciate your kind comments. I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of this. I was chuckling all the time I was putting it together.
Lisa–that sounds like a great measure of how funny something is–whether it makes you pee. Perhaps this could become a standard unit of comparison for comedians.
Jacob–I have the same experience when my co-bloggers email me about funny or interesting threads. I mean, I think I'm keeping up with a bunch of blogs, but the truth is that I miss way more than I see.
CWC, that whole de-horning exchange was great. Also, it seems like on another thread immediately following that, you said that everyone at FMH was wonderful except Quimby, who hadn't been the same since her de-horning. That made me laugh!
Thanks, Ziff, for a whole lot of laughing going on!
you know this made me so curious and I had to go track down TheKing. And now I know. (smugly)
You owe me a whole morning, Ziff. I wasted mine enraptured by all the hilariously witty people in my computer.
This was an excellent use of your skills for good.
Idahospud, such is the magnitude of my inner security.
I'd forgotten about those statements I made…
But a lot of the others were just great. I'd forgotten what a neat community this really is. Thanks for being there guys.
I'd like to hire you to organize my socks. Great stuff!
Thanks, Reese, Seth, and CJ. I'm happy to see so many of the authors of these fine comments coming by to enjoy them again.
Also, Lisa, I'd love to know who the KingOfTesticles is!
*I* said *that* about *Steve Evans*?? Just how many of my loved ones was he holding hostage in order to extort *that*?
A terrific compilation, Ziff. The bloggernacle might exist without you, but it wouldn't be nearly as much fun.
Thanks for the run-down Ziff! I'd missed as many of these exchanges as I'd read. It's even more fun going through everything now that I've met some of these bloggers in real life.
Thanks, Ardis and reader Rachel!
And Rachel, I totally agree with you that meeting people in real life makes it even more fun to read their posts and comments. I've only met a few, but it's been wonderful.
My wife is trying to sleep and I couldn't stop laughing out loud when reading this.
Oh well.
For some odd reason that comment is timed as being written at 2:35am – It is 6:36 am where I am writing this.
Yes, this post was cruel – but not that cruel.
Ziff's Noting of Humor, by the Numbers
A. # Chosen comments — 85
B. # Chosen comments per originating blog — BCC: 33; FMH: 21; Mormon Matters: 16; T&S: 10; Mormon Mentality: 8; FPR: 4; Nine Moons: 2; Segullah: 1; Exponent II: 1
C. # Originating Posts with chosen comment per blogger — 5: fMhLisa, Steve Evans; 4: ECS, Mark Brown; 3: Devyn S., Hawkgrrrl, Janet, Kaimi Wenger, Kevin Barney; 2: 16; 1: 29
D. # Chosen comments per commenter — 5: gst; 4: MikeInWeHo, DKL; 3: Mark B., Left Field, Kristine, Janet; 2: Shelah, Seth R., Quimby, Norbert, Matt Thurston, Latter-day Guy, Jim-Bob, Derek, annegb; 1: 69.
E. Persons on both lists C and D — Janet
F. # Words in chosen comments — 6,600 (2 sig figs)
G. # Unique words — 1,900 (still 2 sig figs)
H. # Appearances per unique word — 1: 1,300; 2: 290; 3: 110; 4: 49; 11 or more: 81
I. Breakdown of unique words appearing 5 to 10 times (excluding common words)
10 appearances (9 unique words): butter, jesus; 9 (9): [all excluded].
8 (13): hair, look, men.
7 (29): day, down, kids, old, sacrament, sheets, thought, used, want, without, women, work.
6 (23): after, categorical, counsel, doorbell, gay, iron, kind, make, man, missionary, right, someone, something, song, take, very, ward, whole.
5 (39): anyone, around, before, better, books, categorically, change, every, fact, family, find, food, forced, great, guy, kill, later, little, marriage, mission, other, over, penis, personally, president, put, reject, started, story, supposed, sure, through, told, try, while, word.
Procedure: I removed all punctuation, including hyphens and apostrophes (hence the ve and re and ll, etc), put everything in lower-case, put it all in the computer, shook vigorously, and then opened the CD drive to let it all leak out. I did not check anything. I did not control for anything (like, say, total volume of posts or comments relative to number of selected comments). I did not think about any subtleties of procedure or implications. This comment is for entertainment purposes only.
Disclosure: I am one of the commenters now enshrined in glory for as long as Google's servers function.
Now, I'm sorry to say, I have to kill you. But first, would you like to go worship idols with me?
I'm still laughing at that one.
Edje: I love it!
Ziff has been Ziffed!
Edje deserves some kind of award for that comment.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I feel honored at my presence. I feel delighted at discovering this in general and in particular while recovering from surgery and thus on morphine. I'm just glad I didn't pee my jammies laughing.
You. Rock.
Thanks, Janet. I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for letting me borrow so many of your funny comments. I hope your recovery is as quick and painless as possible!
So many funny comments that I missed the first time around. (Also some great posts I missed.) Thanks for compiling this.
[…] My Nacle Notebook 2008: Funny comments […]
I'm speechless. I can't believe that somebody not only read a comment that I made, but then went to all this trouble because of it.
Though it took me a while I made it through all the comments that you collected and I was consistently entertained. You should make this an annual event.
Thanks, Rebecca and arJ.
arJ, sorry to have misled you. I was actually planning to do something like this before, and your comment was just a perfect lead-in for explaining my motive. Just like you, I don't like to lose track of the good stuff that's said, and I like the Niblets for bringing some of it back to mind. Also, if I can summon the energy, I do hope to repeat something similar in the future.
[…] of the funniest comments I had seen in my reading of the Bloggernacle in the previous year into a post. I got a lot of positive comments on the post, so I've decided to try it again. […]
laughing out loud over here….almost tearing up. thank you for this Ziff!
Thanks, Juliane. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
[…] (And in case you haven't already seen them, here are similar posts from 2009 and 2008.) […]
[…] In case you missed them, here are links to my funniest comments lists from previous years: 2010 2009 2008. […]
[…] This post is a list of some of the funniest comments I read on the Bloggernacle in 2013. In case you haven't already seen them, here are links to similar lists from previous years: 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008. […]


text:
A picture taken during a Triple Cities Hiking Club (TCHC)event at Bowman Lake State Park on February 2 , 2012. One of the many Hikes the TCHC leads in our area every weekend.
Lake view at Bowman Lake State Park
By: rlinda9620Subscribe Channel: Events Location: Bowman Lake State Park. Oxford NY
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
I am not from an Italian family and have no recipes passed down from anyone, what I have learned, I have learned here in Italy.
What I did come with was a bunch of misinformation on what Italian food was.
|my alfredo
I have NEVER had Fettucini Alfredo in Italy, the only place it really exists is in the restaurant that created it, Alfredo's in Rome.
Check out the video here--- and discover the secret- keep it simple. Butter and parmesan cheese.
I once ordered Fettucine Alfredo's in a restaurant in Florence, Alfredo's and what I got was the house specialty with some strange sauce with vegetables and tomatoes, certainly NOT what I was expecting.
I am heading down to Rome later this month to take another class with Gabriele Bonci. Now that he was just on Bourdains show, more and more people know who he is and will stop by Alfredo's and the original dish!
The most important ingredient is butter. The best creamiest richest butter you can buy.
|this is a simple but good butter, unsalted, I get at the grocery store here.
Use a lot of butter, at least a couple of tablespoons per person. It is your sauce and there is no cream. Place in a skillet large enough to hold the pasta.
Place the skillet over the pot of hot water where you will cook your fresh pasta. It will melt but not cook.
( in the video you will see that they just heat their plate, add softened butter.)
Cook the pasta until done and instead of draining the pasta in a colander, remove with tongs, leaving some of the pasta water on the pasta.
Add to the pan with the melted butter.
Add grated parmesan cheese and stir.


text:
IPC Nordic Skiing World Cup Concludes
The clank of a spectator's cowbell. The voice of a hyper-excited announcer calling a race blares from a stand of speakers at the finish line. The instantly recognizable musical notes of the Olympic theme song plays between heats. These familiar elements to Nordic racing came together at the International Paralympic Committee Nordic Skiing World Cup races in held in Cable, Wis. and Minneapolis, Minn. on Jan. 26-Feb. 2. The IPC Nordic Skiing World Cup attracted more than 100 athletes from 13 different countries including Russia, Norway, Sweden, Japan, Canada and the United States.
The disabled athletes competed in three types of events: visually impaired, standing (defined as competitors with some form of physical disability, but who are able to stand on skis) and sitting (defined as amputees or athletes with paraplegia).
The IPC Nordic World Cup competition, which began on Thursday, January 29 at Telemark Resort in Cable, Wis., included cross country and biathlon competition, with many athletes participating in both disciplines. Four days of competition came off flawlessly, with many kudos to the local race organizing committee. The competition was presented locally by Central Cross Country Skiing (CXC) with the guidance and assistance of the U.S. Olympic Committee. The Cable Area Chamber of Commerce championed the IPC event and was integral to its success.
During their stay in the Cable area, several IPC athletes visited the local schools and met with elementary students who attended the first day of competition to cheer on their new friends.
Competition shifted to Minneapolis for two additional days of competition. Michael Bono, Theodore Wirth Park's event director, lead a team of more than 100 race day volunteers. Snowmaking facilities at Theodore Wirth Park allowed the competition to proceed despite poor snow conditions in other parts of the Midwest. Course managers and groomers meticulously created a course that featured banked corners and artificial hills to slow the sit-skiers down on descents.
The 17-member U.S. Paralympic Nordic Team arrived with realistic expectations against the experienced international field. "We prepared for this event as if it was a world championship," reports John Farra, High Performance Director for U.S. Paralympic Nordic Team. "This event was the big focus for everyone. The coaches and athletes all prepared as if this was the equivalent of a world championship. Our top guys finished in very tight group in the 6-12 place range. We're pleased. Every time they race they learn more."
Lt. Dan Cnossen, Jamestown, MI, captured five top-10 performances in six races. Cnossen, a Navy Seal, lost his legs due to a improvised explosive device in September 2009 when he was serving in Kandahar, Afghanistan.
After his injury Cnossen attended a US Olympic Committee Paralympic Military Sports Camp in San Diego, California and got hooked on Nordic racing. He now competes in biathlon and cross country events. At the IPC Nordic Skiing World Cup race in Cable, Wis. he finished seventh in the cross country 10k event.
At Theodore Wirth on February 2, Cnossen managed the icy conditions on a tight course to finish ninth in the 10-kilometer sit-ski race in 37 minutes, 8 seconds. "There were a lot of hairpin technical turns on the course," says Cnossen. "With better ski handling I think I can shave off some time. A second here, a second there, it adds up. I had one hiccup but I'm getting better at it."
Cnossen's sit-ski teammate Sean Halsted fell out of the top ten and finished thirteenth after breaking a ski in a five-person crash during the same race. Another teammate, Andy Soule was also hampered by crashes on the course.
Soule, 31, Pearland, TX, is in his sixth season of competitive Nordic ski racing. An U.S. Army veteran, Soule lost his legs when an improvised explosive device detonated in May 2005 when he was on patrol in Afghanistan.
Before his injury, Soule had no experience with Nordic skiing. Exploring adaptive sports opportunities, skiing attracted him. "Skiing was something that I tried that felt pretty natural and I was pretty good at right from the get-go. I love to be outdoors and it's a wonderful sport to be involved in," says Soule.
Soule's competitive resume includes a World Cup gold medal in December 2009 and a bronze medal in biathlon at the Vancouver 2010 Paralympic Games. Future goals include competing at the 2014 Paralympic Games in Sochi, Russia. Soule wants to relive the thrill of winning a medal. "You can't describe what it feels like to receive a Paralympic medal," notes Soule. "Coming around the last turn of the course I knew I was going to be third as long as I held it together. It's an incredible feeling."
At the other end of the spectrum, Mikayla Briere, 20, Lincoln, New Hampshire, competed for the first time. After almost a year of dryland training, she was anxious to experience racing on the snow. "It's nice to get out on the snow and the course. It's slightly terrifying to be able to handle the downhills and multiple people on the course at the same time. It's a constant learning experience. I fell quite a few times but then someone enlightened me about techniques."
Briere finished twelfth in her first sprint event. "I have a lot of work ahead," says Briere. "It was fun to watch the other skiers who have been doing this for so much longer and watch how they handle the curves. I can gain technical knowledge about how to approach it all."
Thrilled by the experience and support of her teammates, Briere is looking forward to competing again next season. " Right now I'm competing against myself to improve my times and strength," notes Briere. "It's nice to be in the middle of the pack where you can see the results and when you push yourself a little to keep up and watching the other competitors to see how they do things. It's been a fantastic experience. Competing at this level is something you always dream of doing as a little kid. I'll be back next year."
Kelly Underkofler, who was born without one of her forearms, began skiing at age 3 and grew up training and racing on the trails at Theodore Wirth Park. Skiing before her home crowd the three-time Paralympian and St. Paul, Minn., native had the crowd on its feet as she came up on the shoulder of Japan's Momoko Dekijima as they headed down the home straight-away as the duo vied for the last qualifying spot into the women's standing division sprint finals. Underkofler pulled even with Dekijima, as the two lunged at the finish line. Judges would later determine Dekijima edged out Underkofler for the final spot into the four-skier final.
"Kelly has great classical technique and skis with a lot of power," U.S. Paralympics Nordic head coach James Upham said. "It was an incredible race. She has a lot of potential in the sprints."
Farrar was pleased with the results at both American stops on the IPC Nordic Skiing World Cup. "As a team we talked about being prepared and professional and using this opportunity as an excellent learning tool," explains Farrar. "I've heard the coach tell members of the team when the top Russians passes you on the course get in behind them and try to match their stroke. Try to learn what they've learned to do to go faster than you. Even if you end up putting yourself under, that 30 seconds may be a really important piece down the road. This is about learning and getting the best performance out of each event regardless of the finishing place."
The IPC Nordic World Cup racing season concludes March 20-April 1 in Vuokatti, Finland. The American World Cup Jan. 26-Feb. 2 was the first time the United States has hosted a major Paralympic Nordic ski event in seven years.
The athletes at the IPC Nordic World Cup events are competing for opportunities to participate in the 2012 World Cup Finals in Finland in March 2012. Looking ahead, the 2013 World Championships will be held in Sweden and the 2014 Paralympic Games are set for Sochi, Russia in March 2014.
U.S. Paralympics, a division of the U.S. Olympic Committee, hosted this year's IPC Nordic Skiing World Cup in partnership with Central Cross Country Ski Association (Madison, Wis.) and the City of Lakes Nordic Ski Foundation (Minneapolis, Minn.). For more information on these organizations, visit www.cxcskiing.org and www.loppet.org.
Official results can be found at www.ipc-nordicskiing.org/Calendar.
See more photos in out media gallery here
Cross Country Skier will present a more in-depth feature on the IPC Nordic World Cup and take an additional look at the profiles of U.S. para-athletes in our November 2012 issue.


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JWU is proud to have a number of articulation agreements and transfer credit equivalencies in place which facilitate student transfer to Johnson & Wales University. The university works closely with all colleges who wish to articulate with JWU and continuously works to develop new partnerships. The following domestic schools have articulation agreements with JWU:
Similarly, JWU has international articulation agreements and transfer credit equivalencies in place with schools and programs that facilitate student transfer to Johnson & Wales University for bachelor's degree completion. The university is continuously working to develop partnerships with schools around the world for the purpose of offering diverse educational opportunities for transfer students. Please note that all majors are not offered at each campus, which may affect articulated agreement eligibility. International Articulation Agreements include:
JWU also recognizes and grants transfer credit exemptions for a number of diplomas and qualifications provided by accredited colleges, universities and educational organizations throughout the world. Some of these include:


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TSA To Remove Controversial X-ray Scanners
By JOSHUA FREED
Those airport scanners with their all-too revealing body images will soon be going away.
The Transportation Security Administration says the scanners that used a low-dose X-ray will be gone by June because the company that makes them can't fix the privacy issues. The other airport body scanners, which produce a generic outline instead of a naked image, are staying.
The government rapidly stepped up its use of body scanners after a man snuck explosives onto a flight bound for Detroit on Christmas day in 2009.At first, both types of scanners showed travelers naked. The idea was that security workers could spot both metallic objects like guns as well as non-metallic items such as plastic explosives. The scanners also showed every other detail of the passenger's body, too. The TSA defended the scanners, saying the images couldn't be stored and were seen only by a security worker who didn't interact with the passenger. But the scans still raised privacy concerns. Congress ordered that the scanners either produce a more generic image or be removed by June. On Thursday Rapiscan, the maker of the X-ray, or backscatter, scanner, acknowledged that it wouldn't be able to meet the June deadline. The TSA said Friday that it ended its contract for the software with Rapiscan. The agency's statement also said the remaining scanners will move travelers through more quickly, meaning faster lanes at the airport. Those scanners, made by L-3 Communications, used millimeter waves to make an image. The company was able to come up with software that no longer produced a naked image of a traveler's body. The TSA will remove all 174 backscatter scanners from the 30 airports they're used in now. Another 76 are in storage. It has 669 of the millimeter wave machines it is keeping, plus options for 60 more, TSA spokesman David Castelveter said.
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2005: Part of the 4x100-meter relay team that ran an NCAA Regional Championship qualifying time of 45.51 in its third-place finish at the Alabama Relays, which was the third-fastest time in school history ... part of the sprint medley relay team that took first place at the Alabama Relays and set a UAB record of 3:52.77 ... also part of the 4x200-meter relay team that ran the fifth-fastest time in school history and took fifth at the Alabama Relays with a time of 1:40.11 ... set a personal record in the 60-meter dash with a 7.74 at the C-USA IndoorChampionships ... also set a personal record in the 200 meters at the C-USA Indoor Championships with a time of 35.58 ... set a personal record at the Houston Cougar Indoor Track and Field Opener with a 55-meter time of 7.18 ... ran a personal record time of 25.00 in the 200 meters at the Alabama Relays.
2004: Had one of the top-three times on the team in the 300-meter event and set a personal record with a time of 42.57 at the Southeast Invitational ... had a personal-best time of 7.42 in the 55-meter dash at the Saluki Booster Invitational ... ran a 12.21 in the 100-meter dash at the Ole Miss Invitational, which was a personal record ... had a personal record 25.22 in the 200-meter sprint at the Samford Twilight Invitational ... recorded a personal-best time of 59.66 in the 400 meters at the ASU Invitational.
High School: Attended Athens High School in Athens, Ala. ... 5A State Champion in the 100 and 200-meters as a sophomore ... repeated as 200-meter champion as a junior ... state runner-up in the 100 and 200-meters as a freshman ... Decatur Daily track athlete of the year following her junior season ... was part of the two-time 5A state championship basketball team that won a state-record 69 games in a row ... was MVP of the volleyball team her senior season... earned most-valuable hitter as a junior.
Personal: Full name is Shauntae Nicole Lockett ... born Feb. 26, 1985 in Huntsville, Ala ... mother is Elizabeth Lockett ... majoring in community health.


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JetBlue to add nonstop between Hartford and Puerto Rico
JetBlue says it will add nonstop service between Hartford and San Juan beginning in January. The carrier plans to fly one daily round-trip flight between the cities, though it did not specify an exact start date for the service.
Once the service begins, San Juan will be JetBlue's third nonstop destination Hartford's Bradley International Airport. JetBlue also flies nonstop from Hartford to both Fort Lauderdale and Orlando, offering two daily round-trip flights on each route.
JetBlue says in a release that it "has grown 38% over the last year in Puerto Rico, and now offers more seats and more capacity (available seat miles) to and from the Commonwealth than any other airline. In Puerto Rico, JetBlue currently serves seven non-stop destinations from San Juan … ."
That figure is set to grow to 11 by February, with JetBlue planning to add routes to St. Maarten, St. Croix, St. Thomas and Hartford. JetBlue also flies to both New York and Orlando from the Puerto Rican cities of Aguadilla and Ponce.


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Guided Writing
Instructor: Judy Kvaale
Grading: Letter
Monday, August 25, 2014 - Friday, December 19, 2014
Instruction Mode: Internet-Asynchronous (Online Class)
Academic Level: K-12 Professional Development
NDSU Credit Fee: $350
Class Offered Through eEducators
Course Description:
There is a growing concern regarding the number of students struggling with writing and performing below proficient writing standards. How do we get students to enjoy writing while meeting the standards? Guided Writing is your answer.Guided Writing is an effective process of guiding students to write independently through scaffolded writing instruction. Scaffolded writing instruction includes identifying examples, modeling, shared writing, guided writing, independent writing, and guided conferring. Guided Writing fits neatly into any writing program, such as writing workshop and the six-traits model of instruction. It is also effective with both struggling writers and gifted writers. Guided Writing provides teachers time to work closely with flexible groups of students based on a common need affording the opportunities to differentiate and meet individual needs.
This course addresses scaffolded writing instruction steps through various writing projects, such as personal narratives, author's craft, patterned writing, expository writing, story plays and poetry. You will also discover the graphic organizers most effective for writing along with means of assessing writing projects.
As a result of this participation in this course, students should:
1. Formulate a research-based rationale for integrating guided writing into teaching practices (synthesis).
2. Understand why students struggle with writing (comprehension).
3. Examine and discover how to support student writers using guided writing (analysis, application).
4. Understand and apply the scaffolding writing instruction steps (indentifying examples, modeling, shared writing, guided writing, independent writing, guided conferring) (comprehension, application).
5. Recognize and understand the components to conducting effective writing conferences (analysis, comprehension).
6. Evaluate and identify graphic organizers that can be used with writing (evaluation, knowledge).
7. Develop an understanding of noisy poems, personal narrative writing, patterned writing, author's craft and expository writing (application).
8. Evaluate and design assessments for various writing activities (evaluation, synthesis).
9. Select standards that align with various writing activities (evaluation).
Oczkus, Lori D. (2007) Guided Writing Practical Lessons, Powerful Results. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.
About The Instructor
Judy Kvaale
Judy Kvaale earned an M.S. in Elementary Education from Minot State University. Judy also earned a B.A. in Elementary Education, with a minor in reading. Judy has over 35 years of experience as a third grade teacher as well as experience instructing graduate classes and adult education. Judy also received the West Fargo Chamber of Commerce Teacher of the Month award.
**Registration Instructions:
A minimum $20 processing fee will be assessed per person for cancellations received after the start of the course. Refunds are not issued after the start of the course or after access to the course has been provided.


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Entries tagged with: Mohawk
Sharon Van Etten played Mohawk, to a packed house including her parents (pics, setlist & a Juan Maclean remix)
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Sharon Van Etten @ The Mohawk - 10/18/2014
Sharon Van Etten brought her tour to Mohawk on Saturday night (10/18), the same night we caught Erasure at ACL Live earlier in the night. Her parents were at the special and packed show, and in our pictures. More of those (setlist included), along with the recently released Juan Maclean remix of "Our Love", and more tour dates, below...
Continue reading "Sharon Van Etten played Mohawk, to a packed house including her parents (pics, setlist & a Juan Maclean remix)"
Fun Fun Fun Fest 2013 (more by Sarah Frankie Linder)
With less than 2 months to go, today Fun Fun Fun Fest release their FFF NITES lineup:
AUSTIN, TX (September 16, 2014) - FUN FUN FUN FEST (FFF Fest) is excited to announce today the lineup for FFF Nites, the after shows free to festival wristband holders, during this year's festival November 7--9, 2014, at Auditorium Shores. The Nites performances--including over one hundred FFF performing artists and a roster of artists playing exclusively during Nites--are only available to FFF Fest wristband holders; no tickets will be sold at the door.If you're on the fence, this might be the final push. More than seventy (74 so far if I counted correctly) of the one-hundred-plus above mentioned artists are exclusive to FFF Nites, and access is FREE with your wristband.
Speaking of FUN FUN FUN passes, you can still get them here. Do it. You could try and wait until the Scavenger Hunt to score some free passes, but why risk it?
Check out more of the release including the full FFF Nites lineup below...
Continue reading "Fun Fun Fun Fest release FFF NITES lineup"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Man Man & Landlady @ The Mohawk - 8/26/2014
Highs climbed near 100 on Tuesday, 8/26, but that didn't stop Man Man frontman Honus Honus from donning both a heavy hooded cape and, later, a fur jacket during their set at Mohawk. Not that the Philadelphia band need that to sweat -- Man Man's shows are always high energy and this one was no different.
Opening the show Brooklyn's Landlady, the group led by Man Man member Adam Schatz (aka Brown Sugar), which made for an extra sweaty evening for him -- he was running around the whole time, singing from the balcony at one point. Landlady's new album, Upright Behavior, is out now via Hometapes. Stream it in full, and check out more pictures from the whole show, below...
Continue reading "Man Man got sweaty at Mohawk with Landlady (pics)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Reunited emo vets Mineral played a surprise show in their hometown of Austin last night (8/29) ahead of their first tour in 17 years, which begins in proper next week. The show happened at Mohawk's small inside room and Jess Williamson opened. More pictures (like the one above) and setlist at BrooklynVegan.
photos by Sarah Frankie Linder
dancin' Sam Herring @ Mohawk - 4/23/2014
Future Islands brought their North American tour, which has already hit NYC, SXSW, Chicago, Portland, Coachella and other places, back to Austin this week for a show at Mohawk this past Wednesday (4/23). Future Islands have been experiencing newfound success, thanks in part to their Letterman meme and their new album on 4AD, Singles, which has the material to back it up. They played plenty of that album, plus their earlier albums at Wednesday's show.
Opening the show was their tourmates/Baltimore pals Ed Schrader's Music Beat whose post-punk sound is always entertaining, and Austin locals Knifight. Pictures of all three bands are in this post. They continue below...
Continue reading "Future Islands played Mohawk w/ Ed Schrader's Music Beat and Knifight (pics)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Mac DeMarco, Juan Wauters, Que Pasa @ Mohawk - 4/13/2014
Full set of pictures from last night's show up at BrooklynVegan.
Italian horror-prog rockers Goblin (not to be confused with original member Claudio Simonetti's Goblin, who are also going on tour) are touring North America this spring with Texas duo Pinkish Black. This time around, the Goblin lineup includes original members Massimo Morante and Maurizio Guarini, with Fabio Pignatelli, Agostino Marangolo, and Aidan Zammit. Zammit can't make the tour so he will be temporarily replaced by Zombi's Steve Moore, who Goblin toured with last October. The tour hits Dallas on April 27 at Texas Theater, Houston on April 28 at House of Blues, and Austin on April 29 at Mohawk. Tickets for Dallas, Houston, and Austin are on sale now.
All Goblin dates and the theme song they performed for Dario Argento's 1977 horror film Suspiria lie after the jump...
Continue reading "Goblin playing three Texas shows on spring tour w/ Pinkish Black (dates)"
'House of Vans' at Mohawk SXSW 2014 lineups announced (Kylesa, Fucked Up, Perfect Pussy, Tyler the Creator & more)
House of Vans at Mohawk SXSW 2013 (more by Greg Cristman)
As mentioned, 'House of Vans' is returning to Mohawk during SXSW 2014 from March 11 - 15, and since we last spoke the lineups have been announced. Artists playing HoV shows throughout the week include Kylesa, Power Trip, Windhand, Dum Dum Girls, Angel Olsen, Tyler the Creator, X, Cloud Nothings, Fucked Up, Perfect Pussy, You Blew It!, EMA, A$AP Mob, Phantogram, Warpaint, Roosevelt, World's Fair and many more. Full lineups below.
All the day parties are FREE to the public, with priority given to SXSW bad and wristband-holders. For the night shows, badge-holders get priority access, then wristband-holders, and there will be also be advance tickets you can purchase from House of Vans.
Full lineups below...
Continue reading "'House of Vans' at Mohawk SXSW 2014 lineups announced (Kylesa, Fucked Up, Perfect Pussy, Tyler the Creator & more)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
The Sword & Big Business @ Mohawk - 2/13/2014
The Sword and Big Business brought their double attack of stoner rock to Austin when their current tour hit the Mohawk last night (2/14). The place was packed, and you can check out pictures of the whole thing in this post. We missed openers O'Brother though.
More pics below...
Continue reading "The Sword played Mohawk w/ Big Business (pics)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
together PANGEA @ Mohawk - 2/5/2014
SoCal party boys together PANGEA are on the road supporting their brand new album, Badillac, and smashed into Austin on Wednesday (2/5) at Mohawk. Things stayed relatively restrained (it was a school night), as far as their shows go. We've got pictures from the show -- including Belgian tourmates Mozes and the Firstborn and Austin locals Hundred Visions -- in this post.
More below...
Continue reading "together PANGEA played Mohawk w/ Mozes and the Firstborn and Hundred Visions (pics)"
'House of Vans' returning to Mohawk during SXSW, A$AP Mob, Spinmedia, Pitchfork metal & more included
House of Vans last year (more by Greg Cristman)
Like last year, Vans is sponsoring the Mohawk all week during SXSW Music with different presenters curating the day and night lineups. SPIN, Stereogum, and VIBE, who are all owned by BrooklynVegan's ad seller Spinmedia, join Pitchfork, Windish, A$AP Mob, Flosstradamus and more over the five days and nights which were just announced without lineups. More details below...
Continue reading "'House of Vans' returning to Mohawk during SXSW, A$AP Mob, Spinmedia, Pitchfork metal & more included"
Free Week - Sweet Spirit, Sour Notes & Royal Bangs - 1/11/2014
Free Week continued on Saturday (1/11) with a late start (for me), catching great sets from Royal Bangs and The Sour Notes at Mohawk before heading over to Hole In The Wall for
Bobby Jealousy Sweet Spirit.
Sweet Spirit are a new creation with Sabrina Ellis and Andrew Cashen (who are also teamed up in A Giant Dog), and the HITW show marked their third public performance. Despite the short history they were clearly long on chemistry and cohesion, with the six-piece band pulling off a charming set without a hitch. Easily my most pleasant surprise of Free Week... let's hope it lasts.
You can next catch Sweet Spirit when they play Hotel Vegas on Saturday (1/18) .
More pictures of Sweet Spirit, Sour Notes, and Royal Bangs below...
Continue reading "Free Week pics: Royal Bangs, Sour Notes & Sweet Spirit "
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Residual Kid, WMMF, and OBN IIIs @ Free Week in Austin - 1/3/2014
Free Week continues in Austin until 1/11. Meanwhile we made it out for sets by Residual Kid, OBN IIIs, What Made Milwaukee Famous, and more. Pictures are in this post.
Residual Kid just got back from a trip to Massachusetts where they recorded with J. Mascis. Ask them about it at their two remaining Free Week shows including the one at the closing Cheer Up Charlies.
More Free Week pictures below....
Continue reading "Free Week 2013 in pics: OBN IIIs, What Made Milwaukee Famous, Residual Kid & more"
photos by Sarah Frankie Linder
Big Freedia & some Azzzzz @ Mohawk on 12/29/13
Big Freedia the Queen Diva returned to the Mohawk in Austin at the end of 2013 for an ass-shaking show that we have pictured in this post. Check out more below....
photos by Sarah Frankie Linder
Public Enemy @ Mohawk - 12/28/2013
Lethal and Chief and the Doomsday Device opened for the one and only Public Enemy at Mohawk last night (12/28). We've got the pictures to prove it. More below...
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Kurt Vile and the Violators @ Moahwk for FFF Nites - 11/7/2013
Fun Fun Fun Fest begins in full today (11/8), but the late FFF Nites shows that happen at various Austin venues kicked off last night with a number of pre-shows. One of those was Kurt Vile's show at Mohawk, which we caught, and you can check out pictures of that one in this post.
More pics, including shots of openers The Tontons, below...
Continue reading "Kurt Vile played a FFF Nites pre-show @ Mohawk (pics)"
photos by Glen Brown
Kurt Vile And The Violators & Sonny And The Sunsets @ Mohawk - 8/20/2013
Kurt Vile has been touring like crazy since the release of this year's Wakin On A Pretty Daze, and he just came through Austin last night (8/20) for a show at the Mohawk with Sonny & the Sunsets. Pictures from that show are in this post.
Kurt will return to Austin in November for Fun Fun Fun Fest, and right before that, he'll also play a Houston show with Merchandise and Beach Fossils.
More pictures below...
Continue reading "Kurt Vile & The Violators played Mohawk w/ Sonny & The Sunsets (pics)"
Tobacco (more by Milos Markicevic)
The next $3 Red Bull Sound Select Austin show goes down at the Mohawk on Tuesday, 8/13 with headliners TOBACCO and openers Roger Sellers, Technicolor Hearts, and videoing. Curated by Transmission, it's just $3 at the door.
RBSS is an ongoing series of shows across the country. The last Austin one was aspecial free one with the Dandy Warhols at Stubb's. The September NYC one is curated by BrooklynVegan with co-headlining sets by the Bouncing Souls and Brian Fallon of The Gaslight Anthem along with openers Aye Nako and one more TBA.
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Baths @ Mohawk - 6/21/2013
If anything is clear about Will Wiesenfeld, it's that he enjoys himself on stage just as much as, if not more than, the kids in the audience. "Austin you are super super super fun," he pronounced proudly at one point in the evening. The crowd responded in kind, and BATHS launched into another song that had the concrete balconies trembling from the bass coming off the stage. [Seesaw Austin]Baths, whose new album, Obsidian, proves he's a much stronger songwriter than his debut did and who is now a duo live, brought his tour in support of the new LP to Austin for a show at Mohawk last week (6/21). Houses and D33J opened the show, but we missed their sets. Pictures of Baths' set are in this post.
They continue below...
Continue reading "Baths (as a duo) played The Mohawk (pics)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti @ Mohawk - 6/18/2013
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti brought his North American tour to a finish with a show in Austin last week (6/18) at Mohawk. With funky projections and women fanning him with branches, and a drawn-on pencil mustache, Mr. Pink was definitely keeping Austin weird. As a nice counterpoint to Ariel's mellow soft rock leanings was tourmate Kirin J. Callinan whose dark music, brooding stage presence was decidedly in-your-face. Purple Pilgrims (who we missed) opened the show and pictures from it -- including one of Ariel Pink's setlist -- are in this post.
More below...
Continue reading "Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti wrapped their tour at Mohawk with Kirin J. Callinan (pics, setlist)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Torres & Lady Lamb The Beekeeper on 6/12/2013
Torres and Lady Lamb The Beekeeper brought their tour to Austin last week (6/12) for a show at Mohawk inside. Local link-minded musician Dana Falconberry got the night started, but unfortunately I missed her. I did make it for Lady Lamb though (who opened her set in the dark with and with no instrumental accompaniment) and Torres. Pictures of both of those sets are in this post.
They continue below...
Continue reading "Torres & Lady Lamb The Beekeeper played Mohawk (pics)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
CHVRCHES / Still Corners @ Mohawk - 6/5/2013
Glasgow trio Chvrches soon took the stage, led by pixie-sized Lauren Mayberry firing off 2012 single "Lies" at the onset. After the brief singalong, the group headed into unfamiliar territory, blending lush, unharnessed electro-pop. Mayberry's Scottish chirp guided everything along, maneuvering a well-crafted set built around the remaining three singles on their much-celebrated EP. Still, unfamiliar with the non-hits, many in the crowd fell into disengaged chatter.Scottish band CHVRCHES' skyrocket success really started in Austin during SXSW and the band have quickly gotten popular enough (despite only having released a handful of songs) to have fans filling every inch of the Mohawk on Wednesday (6/5). Opening the show was UK act Still Corners who just release their second album for Sub Pop (the lovely Strange Pleasures). Pictures from Mohawk are below.
Chvrches remains a smartly-marketed outfit that's conquered the Googling conundrum by swapping a "u" for a "v" in their moniker. Like many of their electronic contemporaries, they operate in Tumblr instead of a traditional website, making it easy to share content. And yet, no amount of PR can make up for the fact that no one had access to the songs from their upcoming LP. Mayberry acknowledged this toward the end of the set. - [Austin Chronicle]
Continue reading "CHVRCHES packed the pews at a sold-out Mohawk with Still Corners (pics)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Bethany Cosentino of Best Coast @ Mohawk - 5/26/2013
Sunday night was filled with the sounds of Best Coast for the capacity crowd at Mohawk in Austin who got to witness Bethany Cosentino doing pushups in addition to hearing sixteen songs. We've got pictures and the setlist. It all continues, along with more tour dates (including a new west coast set with Bleached), below...
Continue reading "Best Coast played a sold-out Mohawk, announce more dates (pics, setlist)"
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
!!! @ Mohawk - 5/25/2013
!!! brought their tour in support of their recently released THR!!!ER LP to Austin for a show at Mohawk on Saturday (5/25). It was a hot, sweaty show that resulted in singer Nic Offer taking off his shirt to wring out the sweat... and then drinking it.
Check out more pictures of the craziness below...
photos by @griffinshot - Tim Griffin
Of Montreal @ The Mohawk - 5/6/2013
Pop weirdos Of Montreal brought their tour with Wild Moccasins to Austin earlier this week (5/6) for a show at Mohawk. They played a 19-song set hitting material from all over their career and also included a new song called "Middle Child," which Rebecca Cash and Kevin Barnes split the vocals on. That one will likely appear on their upcoming album, Lousy with Sylvianbriar.
More pictures from the show, a video of them playing the new song, and the setlist below...
Continue reading "Of Montreal @ Mohawk (pics, setlist, & video of a new song)"