text: Debra Macleod 2014-11-26T02:49:44-05:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/author/index.php?author=debra-macleod Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Debra Macleod Good old fashioned elbow grease. 8 Reasons Your Husband is Falling Out of Love With You tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.6153126 2014-11-13T18:04:26-05:00 2014-11-13T18:59:01-05:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Below are eight of the most common complaints that unhappy husbands make about their wives. Read them. Believe them. Stop them. 1. You're a grump. When you speak to your husband, your voice tone is full of negativity, contempt and criticism. If he tries to express a concern or complaint about the marriage, you rise up in angry defensiveness and throw the blame back on him instead of hearing him out. 2. You're a nag. If your husband has a free moment, you pounce on him and order him to fix something around the house. If he goes out with friends, you text him incessantly, asking when he'll be home. Basically, you're a matrimonial version of the micro-managing boss. 3. You're a cold fish in bed. If he flashes you a flirtatious wink, you roll your eyes. If he reaches for you in bed, you turn your back to him. On those rare occasions you do give in and have sex, you lie there and stare at the ceiling, waiting for it to be over and sapping all the fun out of it. 4. You're a frump. Whether you've stopped exercising or started wearing sweatpants, you've let yourself go and lost your energy and enthusiasm for life. To be honest, this isn't a top complaint that I hear from men; however, a woman who feels unattractive often withdraws, emotionally and physically, from her marriage. And that is something that husbands do complain about. 5. You're a "Mommy" -- and nothing else. You get way more excited about a Mommy & Me playdate than a romantic evening with your husband. Just keep in mind that a child-centered marriage isn't a marriage at all, it's just a daycare. 6. You're an Alpha parent. As the leader of the parenting pack, you snap at your husband every time he tries to be a dad or parent his children in the way he sees fit. As a result, you rob your children of a father's care and discipline, and you drive a wedge between you and your husband. 7. You're thankless. Whether your husband has put in major overtime at work or spent his entire long-weekend building you that backyard deck you want, you take his efforts for granted and fail to show appreciation for anything he does for you or your family. 8. You're - yawn -- boring. You don't have any interests or hobbies outside the marriage or home (and no, Facebook isn't a hobby). That makes you predictable and bland company who never has anything interesting to add to a conversation. You should, to put it plainly, get a life. If you're worried that the passion in your marriage is starting to subside, don't panic. Instead, take a good, hard look at your own behaviour. How can you bring more positivity and romance into your marriage? How can you make your husband feel more appreciated and desired? How can you build him up as a loving, competent parent? How can you make him happy? Believe it or not, making your husband happy is the surest way to motivate him to make you happy. Like attracts like. Loving, appreciative behaviour attracts loving, appreciative behaviour. Positivity and enthusiasm attracts positivity and enthusiasm. Fun and affection attracts fun and affection. You get the idea. Of course, it takes two to tango and men need to do their part, too. That being said, there's nothing stopping you from taking the lead and doing what you can to make your marriage a happier, sexier and stronger one - starting today. Check out Debra's Marriage SOS book series and visit her at MarriageSOS.com MORE ON HUFFPOST: ]]> How Amal Clooney is Bringing Marriage Back into Style tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.6103736 2014-11-05T12:50:35-05:00 2014-11-05T12:59:01-05:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Amal Clooney is one such woman. Smart, savvy and successful, she had it all -- and then she added George Clooney to the list. Talk about the icing on the wedding cake. Yet even this femme powerhouse, a human rights attorney who was recently crowned the most powerful person in London, was essentially accused of being anti-feminist by some when she chose to marry and especially when she took her husband's last name. So why are some people so against marriage and so baffled (maybe even bitter) that a woman like Amal Clooney would choose it? Here's my snapshot answer: in the decades following the sexual revolution, the image of marriage underwent a smear campaign. It became equated with female subordination and sexual repression, an antiquated socio-legal institution that compelled a woman to give up her identity and exist for the sole purpose of cooking casseroles and meeting her husband at the door wearing a Stepford-wife smile and carrying his slippers. Marriage was also increasingly seen as anti-feminist. It still is by some people who proclaim that a woman who aspires to marriage is nothing more than a wannabe princess who is drawn to empty symbols of submission and commitment, and who knows nothing of "real" love or devotion. Yet the latest research about marriage shows some surprising facts about the kind of woman that is embracing and benefiting from modern marriage. College-educated women who are at least 27 years of age, and who do not have children from previous relationships, are boasting the best rates when it comes to marriage success and ultimate family stability. Statistically speaking, the marriage between Amal and George Clooney has the makings of a happy, lasting one. But why would this woman -- educated, independent and full of choice -- even bother to get married in the first place? Why not just cohabit and maybe have kids without ever having to worry about the possibility of a messy divorce? I mean, nobody likes paperwork, right? Well, my take is that these women know what they want -- or perhaps more succinctly, they know what they don't want. They don't want to invest years of their life in a relationship with a man who can't be bothered to make a real commitment to them and to any children they may have. They don't want to settle or play house. They want the real deal and they know they can get it. Any way you slice it, statistics are clear about a few important things. First, married couples stay together at much higher rates than cohabiting couples. Second, married parents are far more likely to keep a family intact and provide a stable, enriched childhood for their kids. Third, married women tend to be happier than their cohabiting counterparts. Marriage doesn't offer any guarantees, but it's still a woman's best bet. I think today's empowered woman expects more out of life and out of a life partner. She doesn't just want to get married, she wants to stay married. If she decides to have children, she is determined to provide a stable two-parent home for them. To her, marriage isn't a fairy tale or an act of submission, it is a smart lifestyle choice made by a self-assured, self-sufficient person. Having a husband makes her stronger, not weaker. And while she will hold a husband up to a high standard, it is no higher than the one she she will hold up for herself as a wife. That, to me, is the "Amal factor." It's the kind of quality that turns the head of a ladies man and perpetual bachelor like George Clooney and sends him ring-shopping in record time. Frankly, he knows a good thing when he sees it. Most men do. Most men are Clooneys. They may say that marriage isn't important but, when they find the one they really don't want to get away, they drop to one knee like the poster man of matrimony. As we are seeing, the new Mrs. Clooney is an intelligent woman with impeccable style and the potential to be a real role model for young women. From her classic sunglasses to her chic pant-suits, she's leading the fashion pack and gracing the covers of glossy magazines everywhere; however, it wasn't her Oscar de la Renta wedding dress that was her best choice -- it was her decision to choose marriage when she did and how she did. By doing so, she is showing a new generation of smart women how good modern marriage can look on them. Check out Debra's new dating guide: The Modest Minx: A Date-for-Marriage Method for Women Who Know that Good Men Marry Class, Not Ass. Visit the website at ModestMinx.com MORE ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Eight Monster Men You Should Be Scared To Date tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.6060782 2014-10-29T18:15:53-04:00 2014-10-29T18:59:01-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ 1. The Swamp Thing. If he isn't undressing the waitress with his eyes, he's sexting an ex-girlfriend. If he isn't lying about where he was, he's lying about who he was with. Untrustworthy and seemingly proud of it, this monster man's slimy behaviour should make you run for your life. 2. The Grim Reaper. Hypersensitive, puritanical and cheerless, this monster man takes everthing to heart. When he enters a room, it's like the cold breath of death sweeps in with him. Whether you tell an edgy joke or express a thought or opinion he doesn't agree with, you are likely to be met with an offended expression and a chastising finger wag. 3. The Werewolf. This guy's true self is always just below the surface. At the slightest provocation - real or imagined -- he transforms from his man-form to his monster-form with terrifying speed. Fangs appear and the claws come out in a burst of anger, belligerence or assumption. Don't fool yourself -- this beast cannot be tamed. 4. The Sasquatch. It's safest to catch only fleeting glimpses of this monster man who resides in the deep woods of narcissism and self-importance. He thinks he's smarter, better looking and harder working than anyone else, and misses no opportunity to say so. This guy's solitude is for a reason -- nobody can stand to be around him. 5. The Hell Hound. Don't let his baby blues deceive you. This guy's eyes glow demon-red in the dark. Whether it's poking fun at overweight or old people (just loudly enough for them to hear, of course) or laughing when you slip on an icy sidewalk, this mean-spirited jerk goes for the throat whenever he can. 6. The Zombie. This monster man is the master of mixed messages. He's walking toward you with his arms outstretched... he must want to wrap his arms around you in a loving embrace, right? Wrong. He wants to rip out your heart with his teeth. This guy loves to talk about how "confused" he is or how he "just isn't sure" what he wants, and he will have you in a constant state of speculation. Is he serious about us or not? What did he mean by that? Spoiler alert: This guy isn't confused at all. He has perfect clarity. He doesn't like you. What he does like is the kick he gets from keeping you on the back-burner, stroking his ego (and whatever else he can get you to stroke). 7. The Cyclops. This monster man has only one eye, smack in the middle of his forehead. Perhaps that's why he's only capable of seeing things from his superior point of view. Shrill and self-righteous, this is the guy who feels compelled to share his opinions with as many people as possible. If he isn't composing indignant missives on Internet comment boards, he's preaching his own brand of enlightened morality to anyone within earshot. If you hook up with him, be prepared for a lifetime of ugly sermonizing. 8. The Vampire. Charming and disarmingly persuasive, this sexy, silver-tongued slickster will use your body to satisfy his every pleasure. And while it might feel really good while he's doing it, in the end he ends up stronger and you end up weaker. Unfortunately for you, this monster man is also a monstrous time-waster. He's immortal, which means he's in no hurry to get serious or move your relationship forward toward marriage. If you get involved with him, be prepared to spin your wheels for years in a dead-end relationship. He won't just suck your blood, he'll suck your time, hope and dignity, too. Check out Debra's new dating guide (which is particularly effective against Vampires): The Modest Minx: A Date-For-Marriage Method for Women Who Know that Good Men Marry Class, Not Ass. Visit the website at ModestMinx.com ALSO ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Why Men Get Laid, But Women Get Screwed tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.6035618 2014-10-23T12:54:27-04:00 2014-10-24T11:59:02-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Take a step back. What you're about to read has nothing to do with morality, religion or judgment -- as far as I'm concerned, those things have no place in a discussion about women's sexuality. Rather, what you're about to read is a challenge to current dating norms. It's also a challenge to women -- especially young women -- to make choices that reflect their best interests, personal values and lifestyle goals instead of just doing what everyone else seems to be doing. While uncommitted sex and cohabitation lead to fulfilling lives for some women, others find these practices aren't living up to their lofty promises of making them feel sexually empowered, loved, valued or in control of their lives. Instead, many women find these practices are leading to disrespectful or indifferent partners, feelings of being used for sex, and months or years of spinning their wheels in dead-end relationships. Women often enter into casual sex and cohabitation assuming these things are their only options. Yet these practices have only become the default dating norms over the past few decades. And guess what? They're a failed social experiment. As women show less respect for their bodies and expect less from men, they are increasingly been treated with contempt and apathy by men. Let's start with uncommitted sex. While it serves its purpose for women who want to enjoy the pleasures of sex on a recreational basis, casual sex is not in a marriage-minded woman's best interests. Frankly, it comes with more drawbacks than benefits, and I'm not just talking about STIs. Contraception is not foolproof (providing it's even used) and many babies are born to biological parents who have made absolutely no meaningful commitment to each other. Being a single mom is a hard job and there's no point increasing your odds of taking it on. Having casual sex also showcases your values. Like it or not, your sexual behaviour -- just like your non-sexual behaviour -- says something about you and how you approach sexual intimacy. A man might wonder, "If she'll do this with me, how many other men has she done it with? Is she trustworthy? Does she have good judgment? Does she respect herself?" A quality man, the type who is desirable husband material and who has options, may care about The Number. He might not care while he's dating for fun, but when it's time to choose a wife and a mother for his children, he'll do the math. This doesn't make him insecure or shallow. It makes him selective. Why? Because a person -- whether a woman or a man -- who isn't discriminating in terms of her or his sexual behaviour may be seen as a poor, even risky choice for a lifelong spouse. Some women who have uncommitted sex, particularly in the early stages of a relationship, do so with the private hope that it will increase a man's feelings for her. Unfortunately, her behaviour is likely to backfire as she attracts the type of man who is only looking to have no-strings sex as soon as he can, for as long as he can. This guy is likely to treat her with a bare minimum of respect and affection. Hoping things will change, a woman might stay in this pseudo-relationship for months or years, enduring mixed messages, disrespectful behaviour, broken promises and so on. The longer she lives like this, the greater the toll on her dignity and well-being. If she does have the strength to leave, she is likely to cart away some heavy emotional baggage. The prognosis isn't any better if a woman is having casual sex with a "super-nice guy." Even if he treats her well (especially if he treats her well) she risks falling in love with him before he has committed to her. While many men can enjoy casual sex without becoming emotionally attached, women often fall very deeply in love with a sexual partner. Again, if a woman has the strength to leave this one-way love affair, she is likely to do so with a heavy broken heart in tow. Many couples who engage in casual sex go on to live together. While this is a fulfilling lifestyle choice for some people, men and women often have different expectations. A woman may think it's a definite step toward marriage, while a man may see it as a way to indefinitely "test drive" the relationship. The problem is, if a man hasn't made a commitment to a woman before he lives with her, he isn't in the "must make this work" headspace. It's likely that his girlfriend's idiosyncrasies are going to reduce his desire to propose, which often leaves her spinning her wheels in frustration and hurt, always hoping the relationship will move forward and always being disappointed. Even if he does finally propose, studies have shown that the rates of divorce are higher among couples who live together before marriage. Plus, you've heard the saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" If you're going to freak out about that metaphor, let's try a prettier one: "Why buy the perfume when you can get a sample for free?" Better yet, let's say it plainly. Why marry a woman when she will have sex with you, split the rent and basically "play wife," all without requiring any actual commitment from you? In many cohabiting situations, walking away from a relationship is as easy as walking away from a month's rent. Research shows that the rates of relationship dissolution and family breakdown are higher among cohabiting couples than married couples. Those aren't the type of things that tend to make women happy. All of this leads me to ask: If research shows that uncommitted sex and cohabitation don't lead to relationship or family stability, and if women are increasingly being treated with contempt and apathy by men, why are we still acting like these dating norms are in a woman's best interests? In my opinion, practicing sexual modesty while dating -- which includes keeping your own place -- is a far wiser approach to dating for marriage-minded women. It can help prevent you from feeling used, ramping up your number of sexual partners, being strung along or misled, and having your heart broken. Sexual modesty while dating can also distinguish you as a woman of sexual self-restraint and judgment in a dating world that is full of promiscuity and desperation, so that a high-quality man sees you as wife material from Day One, rather than just another booty call, "you'll-do-for-now" girlfriend or roommate with benefits. This isn't to say that a woman who is practicing sexual modesty can't enjoy a great deal of physical intimacy with her boyfriend. She can. Yet by withholding the most intimate part of herself, a woman allows the emotional intimacy in the relationship to deepen so that sex and love both have meaning. It's a fail-safe approach. If the relationship lasts, nothing is lost; however, if she gets dumped or ends the relationship, she will be left with fewer sexual regrets and less emotional hurt. To me, this is just a smart way to live. Challenging dating norms is a tough thing to do. People take the discussion personally and their reactions reflect their own relationship successes, failures and agendas; however, if you're a woman who is unhappy in her personal life, it might be worth your time to critique the dating norms of casual sex and cohabitation in a rational, not just reactionary, way. Debra Macleod is a leading marriage and dating expert. Check out her new dating guide, The Modest Minx: A -Date-For-Marriage Method For Women Who Know that Good Men Marry Class, Not Ass and visit the website at ModestMinx.com. ALSO ON HUFFPOST: Why It's Sometimes OK for a Woman to "Need" a Man tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.5772580 2014-09-05T17:27:35-04:00 2014-11-05T05:59:04-05:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Well, I'll tell you what's up with that. You don't need a man. And men -- many of whom love to feel needed -- are catching that vibe from you. You're smart, strong and self-sufficient. A potential mate might ask himself, "What could I bring to the table that she couldn't get herself?" I often see a similar dynamic play out in marriages. It isn't uncommon for a married man to become attracted to a damsel in distress, such as a co-worker whose husband treats her poorly or who is going through a nasty divorce. Many affairs start this way. A heartbreaking example of this happened in NYC following the 9/11 tragedy. In the wake of this tragedy, some surviving firefighters became "liaison carers" to the widows of their fallen colleagues. Sadly, some of these liaison carers ended up falling for the widows they were assigned to look after. Several of them even left their own families to be with these widows. As New York psychiatrist Barry Richmond explained, these firefighters "acted out their 'rescue' role when they saw the bereaved family of a dead colleague." They were drawn to the vulnerability of these women and felt compelled to come to their rescue. They felt more needed by these women than they did by their own wives and children. By the time the sexualized "rush of rescue" wore off and clearer heads prevailed, these firefighters had done so much damage to their marriages and families that there was no going back. The problem became serious enough that the New York Fire Department's counselling service included a component that encouraged surviving firefighters to prioritize their own marriages and families. I suspect part of this counselling included information on the so-called "saviour complex." So what does all this mean for the single women looking for a mate? Or to the married woman looking to retain her husband's affection? It means that it might be worth tapping into that male desire to feel needed, and using that in a positive way to make a man feel more invested in your relationship. Ask your date to walk you to your car after dark. Ask your boyfriend to reach that plate on the top shelf, fix your computer or check your leaky faucet. Ask your husband to help you brainstorm about a work project, because he's the smartest person you know and you need his advice. Thank him for working so hard and show appreciation for all that he contributes and does. Tell him you couldn't do it without him. Let him know that you and his children don't just love him, you need him. He's the glue that holds it all together. I can hear the snarks from women now. "Seriously? So women are supposed to pretend we can't get by without a man? How pathetic. In case you were out, the 21st century arrived." And the vitriolic assumptions from men. "So men are just a bunch of stupid egomaniacs desperate to pay your bills and win your approval, right? Talk about stereotypes. I hate this sexist crap." Calm down, folks. Obviously I'm not saying that women should be subordinate or reliant on men. Every woman should be able to financially and emotionally support herself and her children. You never know what life is going to throw at you. Neither do I think that men -- at least not the good ones -- are only attracted to women who stroke their ego or who are easily lorded over. Yet many men long to feel needed in a healthy way in their relationships. I don't think that's a sexist stereotype -- I think it's natural. Unfortunately, some people incorrectly reduce this natural desire to the cravings of the "pathetic male ego." Others politicize it as anti-feminist, equate it with male control or jump to the conclusion that such men (or the women who are attracted to them) have a psychological disorder. Good grief. Personally, I admire men who take a sort of masculine pride in being needed and protecting those they love. There's something sexy about that. I think it's a character strength, not a weakness, and it makes for great husband material. In fact, considering the rate of divorce, family breakdown and absentee fathers, perhaps it's time that more men embraced the masculine pride of being needed, and that more women encouraged it. So go ahead and rant about this article. Keep in mind, however, that if your goal is to strengthen your relationship by building your partner up and making him feel needed, your time and energy might be better spent buying a jar of pickles you can't open. Lighten up and play the damsel in distress once in a while. Have fun with it. For all you know, your man has been waiting to rescue you, even if it's just from the spiders in the basement. ALSO ON HUFFPOST: ]]> For Shark Week, Here Are 8 Ways to Not Get Bitten in Love tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.5672104 2014-08-12T17:23:58-04:00 2014-10-12T05:59:07-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Shark Week. I love it. And not just the documentaries. I love the cheesy shark films like Sharknado, too. Sometimes I need that kind of brain candy. Sometimes there's nothing more therapeutic than snuggling on the couch with your sweetheart, munching a mouthful of popcorn and rolling your eyes at CGI sharks ripping B-list actors in half. Sharks in the wild are gorgeous, amazing creatures that deserve our protection. But what about sharks in the dating world? Well, these silent monsters are truly dangerous and need to be avoided. Whenever I'm consulting with someone who is struggling in their marriage or relationship, and especially when that person is complaining about a partner's behaviour, I will ask, "When did you first see this behaviour?" In the vast majority of cases, this person will admit that he or she saw glimpses of a partner's problematic behaviour while they were dating. That is, there were times when that ominous-looking fin broke the surface of what looked like safe waters. So why didn't he or she swim for shore? Well, sometimes people think that a person will change for the better once the relationship becomes more serious or long-term. That isn't going to happen. In fact, if you are seeing scary behaviour during the dating phase, the behaviour is only going to get scarier as time goes on. Other times, a person might think that the behaviour was a one-time thing or that it doesn't define the person. I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt; however, you must remember that a person is on his or her best behaviour during the dating phase. You're likely seeing the best, not the worst, of that person. So if you're currently dating, do yourself a favour. Keep your eyes on the water's surface and, if anything with big teeth jumps out at you, protect yourself. Even when you're in the earliest stages of dating, it is possible to catch glimpses of deal breaker behaviour. Here are eight to watch out for: 1. Seeing red. If you see glimpses of angry outbursts or "hair-trigger" behaviour, such as someone with a short fuse or a belligerent nature, get out of the water immediately. Run for high ground and don't look back. 2. Control freaks. Look out for people who show flashes of unreasonable jealousy or judgment, or who can't stand it when you manage to have a good time without them. 3. Cheerlessness. We've all known people who take things too seriously. It's hard to spend a lunch hour with these folks, never mind a lifetime. Cheerless people might, for example, assume that an innocuous, light-hearted article on "love sharks" was actually meant to be a serious, exhaustive examination of dating issues. That person might leave a comment like, "WTF? "This is the dumbest thing I've ever read!" "Is she seriously comparing people to sharks? When did the articles on HuffPost become so STUPID!!" Yikes. Lighten up, Francis. 4. Untrustworthiness. If your date winks at the waitress, giggles when her ex-boyfriend texts, or spends a lot of time at an opposite-sex friend's apartment -- especially during the evening hours - it's more than possible that something "fishy" is going on (sorry). Trust your gut. A cheating boyfriend or girlfriend will be a cheating husband or wife, guaranteed. 5. A mean streak. If your date finds name-calling to be a fun sport or thinks the viral video of a squirrel getting kicked off a cliff is hilarious, you are definitely swimming in love-shark infested waters. You need to be air-lifted to safety without delay. 6. Narcissism. This person considers himself or herself to be the smartest, best-looking and hardest-working person in town. He or she is likely rude to waitresses and looks down his or her nose at the social graces the rest of us practice -- after all, basic manners don't apply to superior beings! This person feels compelled to comment on everything, and is certain that the world is in dire need of his or her opinion on every topic. 7. A sordid past. If your date has a string of "crazy" ex-partners and is bursting with tales of high drama on the relationship front, don't get into the water! You will get bitten. 8. Hypersensitive. This person swims calmly under the surface and then -- at even the tiniest of real or perceived slights -- leaps out with jaws snapping. People who are too easily offended will sap the life out of you. They will have you walking on eggshells, dreading the moment some innocent statement or action launches them into an infantile rage of assumption and indignation. The wise Maya Angelou once said, "When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time." Remember that dating is a screening process. When you see behaviour that isn't consistent with what you're looking for in a partner, move on. There may be a few love sharks out there but there are also plenty of lovely fish in the sea. In real honour of Shark Week, visit this site to protect these beautiful creatures with whom we share the earth. Debra Macleod is a relationship author-expert in Canada and the U.S. Visit her at MarriageSOS.com ALSO ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Instead of Making a Spreadsheet About Sex, Try Writing a Love Note tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.5619096 2014-07-25T13:06:28-04:00 2014-09-24T05:59:07-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ spreadsheet that documented how often his wife had sex with him. The spreadsheet included the date, whether sex was a yes or a no, as well as the excuse his wife used when it was a no. His unimpressed wife then went on to post the spreadsheet on social media for the entire world to comment upon, including yours truly. Sadly, this story didn't surprise me at all. I've had many clients over the years show me similar lists. Lists like this are made -- and shared on social media -- out of an emotional mixture of frustration, resentment, self- righteousness, a lack of self-restraint and a profound level of immaturity. Often, there are elements of narcissism and belligerence at work as well. Ugly stuff. To be sure, the issue of disparate sex drives is a common and complex one, and this article isn't meant to be a comprehensive look at the issue. This is merely my snapshot take on what might be going on in this particular case. I have no doubt this husband feels frustrated and neglected. If he were in my office, I suspect he'd tell me that his wife was all over him before they got married. That she used to initiate sex, wear sexy things, and have more energy and enthusiasm. He might say that he feels taken advantage of, even deceived. He might feel that he is only a "paycheque" to her. He may feel deeply rejected and unloved. He may fear that he is destined for a sexless marriage. Those are all legitimate complaints. Sexual intimacy is a huge part of a happy, healthy marriage. The problem is, when this husband chose to keep track of sexual intercourse and present it to his wife in the form of a spreadsheet, his behaviour became so obnoxious and infantile that he had no hope in hell of opening a meaningful dialogue. But neither is his wife a model of maturity. Publicly posting the details of your intimate life on social media is a serious breach of trust and a betrayal of your marriage vows. Trying to solicit online allies to feel vindicated or simply exact revenge is just as petty as the initial transgression. When I see people doing this, I assume they aren't mature enough to be married. Yet if this wife were in my office, I suspect that she too would have her share of legitimate complaints. Many of her no-sex "excuses" involved feeling unattractive, being exhausted or preferring television. I'm reading between the lines here, but she might say that her husband was more affectionate and patient before marriage. That he used to shower her with compliments, express his appreciation for all she does and help around the house. That he was less critical and more loving. That he initiated sex with more respect and that he paid more attention to her pleasure in bed. So who's in the wrong here? Well, clearly they both are. But it since it was the husband's "wrong" that came first in this little cautionary tale, (not that it matters whose wrong came first), let's think about how he might have approached the issue differently. Most importantly, this husband could have taken a critical look at his own behaviour, both inside and outside the bedroom, before pointing the finger at his wife's behaviour. When was the last time he told her she was beautiful? When was the last time he asked what he could do to help make her life easier? When was the last time he took her away for a romantic weekend or brought flowers home? When was the last time he prioritized her sexual pleasure over his own? We live in a society where people are totally baffled by the very concept that they examine their own behaviour before criticizing someone else's. Instead of handing his wife a spreadsheet -- a ridiculous action that could only lead to hard feelings and confrontation -- he could have told her what was in his heart. That he loved her. That he missed the pleasure of her body and the intimate nature of their friendship. That he longed to feel that their marriage was secure. That he longed to make her feel good and to feel good in return. Unfortunately, this husband isn't the first man to resort to list-making antics when he feels that sex has fallen off the radar. I've heard from countless wives who say that their husbands whine and pout when they don't get sex, or even make veiled or outright threats to "get it elsewhere." It isn't that these men have unfounded complaints. As I said, sexual intimacy is incredibly important in marriage. One of the main reasons people marry is for regular sexual access to the person they love. In a happy and healthy marriage, love and sex are two sides of the same coin. But the fact remains, the way a husband expresses his feelings about a lack of sexual intimacy -- and the steps he takes to improve the situation -- will largely determine whether his wife listens to him or not. When a husband (or wife, for that matter) whines, pouts, threatens or documents a no-sex spreadsheet like this one, he sends the message that he is "entitled" to have sex with his wife, and that his sexual satisfaction is the most important thing in the marriage. That might not be the message he intends to send, but that's the one she hears nonetheless. So when it comes to sexual complaints, my advice is to stop complaining, stop playing the martyr, stop making excuses, stop blaming your partner. Instead, take the initiative to improve your role in the relationship. Speak with more loving voice tones. Show more affection and appreciation. Build a fortress of privacy and respect around your marriage. Be helpful, show good humour and having an easygoing nature. Put your spouse's feelings and needs before your own. Listen to your spouse's complaints about you and the marriage, and take them seriously. Prioritize your spouse's pleasure. There are no guarantees; however, a positive approach is far more likely to work than a negative one. Ah, but here's the question I'm usually asked (often before my advice has been instituted). "What if I try and she doesn't change?" My answer? Then you end the relationship. If you've truly tried everything -- love, affection, communication, professional help and so on -- and your spouse continues to withhold intimacy, then of course you end the relationship. I would not stay married to a person who, despite my every effort and self-reflection, continued to withhold intimacy from me. But back to this particular situation and my superficial take on it, which I freely admit is based on nothing more than assumption gleaned from my experience working with couples. When I see cases like this, I don't feel that the real problem is disparate sex drives. It's deeper than that. To me, the heart of the matter is the kind of self-importance, finger-pointing and lack of respect between partners that runs rampant in too many relationships. It is our tendency to rant rather than romance. It's the way spouses start to treat each other like their enemy instead of their greatest friend and ally. I suspect this couple is no happier outside the bedroom than they are inside it. So tonight, skip the spreadsheet. Give your sweetheart a love note instead, and see which works better. Visit Debra's website at MarriageSOS.com ALSO ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Be Honest: Do You Throw Texter Tantrums? tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.5461434 2014-06-06T17:09:49-04:00 2014-08-06T05:59:04-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Scenes like this are never flattering to the players. They're even less flattering when the players are old enough to know better. I mean, you'd assume that a person who has to use the fingers on both hands to show his age would have left these infantile outbursts of self-indulgent anger behind him, right? Wrong. The adult temper tantrum is alive and well. Although it takes many unpleasant forms, one of the most common is what I call a "texter tantrum." Not a week goes by that I don't have a client hold up a cell phone and say, "Look at what my partner has been saying to me!" The text-fight between them is always the same: Name calling; Profanity; Insults; Upper case letters meant to convey JUST HOW F*&^CKING STUPID the other person is; One. Word. Sentences. With. Periods. To. Really. Emphasize. Just. How. Done. I. Am. With. Your. B@llsh*t. I've seen text-fights that lasted for hours and involved literally hundreds of back-and-forth digital missives, each more contemptuous than the last. The anger, misinterpretation and vitriol in text-fights escalate with the speed and force of a runaway train filled with explosives. Unlike a face-to-face argument, there are no safety checks to slow down a text-fight. There's no opportunity to shake your head and say, "Wait, that's not what I meant! I love you, let's bring this down a notch." There's no chance to defuse the situation with a spark of affection or humour, a soft word or even an unexpected embrace. There's only unbridled, unchecked, unrestrained and utterly self-focused emotion and assumption. So what's the solution? Well, that's easy. Stop texting. OMG, right?! Well, get a grip on yourself. Texting is not your only communication option. And it certainly isn't an essential way to communicate. Is it convenient? Yes, at times it can be. But the moment texting becomes a source of conflict rather than convenience, it's time to delete this form of communication from your relationship. How long should you refrain from texting? A month? Six months? There's no magic number. I suppose my answer would be, "Until you have moved past your relationship problems, can demonstrate more respect for your partner, and can show an adult-level of self-restraint." If you twist my arm and demand a number -- which I know you want to do -- I'd say that couples who regularly fall into these kinds of extreme text-fights should stop texting altogether for a period of three months at an absolute minimum, during which time they must tackle the deeper relationship issues that exist. Happy, healthy couples simply don't speak to each other this way. After this time, those couples who wish to reintroduce texting into their communication must first lay a few ground rules. Text messages must always begin with a greeting such as, "Hi sweetheart" or even a simple "Hello." For those people who are prone to text-fights, it is important to start a message off with a polite greeting. Launching into a text message without a brief greeting is like storming into a room and talking before you've said hello. It can come across as abrupt, invasive, self-important and demanding. If a partner does not respond, do not text him or her again. It is irritating to pick up one's phone only to find twenty messages saying, "Where are you?" and "Why aren't you answering me!" and "Call me NOW!" Almost always, this kind of pattern snowballs into typical text-fight frustration, hostility and accusation. A text message must serve at least one of three purposes. It must either: a) convey a positive emotional message; b) convey information in a respectful and thorough way, and/or; c) serve as a positive way to stay connected during the day via brief "I love you"s, "xoxo"s or happy-sweet emoticons or symbols. Finally, text messages must always end with a loving and clear sign-off. When does a text message conversation end? Even between friends or happy spouses, it can sometimes be unclear. To avoid a spouse mistakenly believing that his or her partner has just stopped responding, couples must always make it clear that the texting conversation is over. A spouse might text, "OK, I'm going to get back to work now...anything else before I go?" If the other partner responds "No," then the spouse can end the conversation with a respectful, "Love you, chat later." This lets a partner know that his or her texts won't be responded to for a while. It might even be a good idea to let a partner know when you might next be looking at your phone. Texting a brief, "Will check my phone at lunch time" can prevent all kinds of confusion, unnecessary speculation and escalating irritation. Even for those couples who are not prone to text-fights, following these texting ground rules can go a long way toward avoiding pointless arguments and assumptions. Texting is the demon child of the communication world, and the more you can prevent an innocent text from being misinterpreted -- and potentially spiraling into a texter tantrum -- the better. Debra is a leading relationship author-expert in Canada & the USA. Visit her at MarriageSOS.com Check out her latest book: Marriage SOS: 30 Lifelines to Rescue Your Relationship in One Month ALSO ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Five Ways to a Happy Marriage tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.5405048 2014-05-28T18:00:37-04:00 2014-07-28T05:59:04-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Does this happy home still exist? Well, it depends on who you ask. Some people will say this lifestyle is an outdated concept or a domestic myth that only those most naïve of us still believe in. Marriage? Bah! It's only a piece of paper and a shiny ring. Those mean nothing. Such mantras may be based in personal opinion, lifestyle choices or values. We're all entitled to those. Marriage isn't important to everyone, and that's okay. It doesn't have to be. Many common law or cohabiting couples are perfectly content -- even happier -- without the formal commitment of marriage. Yet cynicism toward marriage can sometimes be reflective of personal disillusionment, such as going through a divorce or dating someone who won't make a marital commitment. It can also be reflective of personal agendas. Someone who doesn't want to formally commit to the person they are dating may say that marriage is meaningless -- until they meet "The One" they don't want to get away, that is. George Clooney, who said he would never marry, is a high-profile example of this. It sometimes seems to me that those who discount the value of legal marriage -- and by default present co-habitation as a more modern or enlightened approach to relationship success -- often fail to look at the whole picture. Cohabitation isn't without its own problems. Some couples who are cohabiting have different ideas about the relationship status. In a common scenario, the man is testing the relationship while the woman is assuming it is a definite step toward marriage. As a result, some cohabiting women find themselves in uncertain, unhappy relationships with no formal commitment. Is this a stereotypical picture? Yep. It's also a real problem for many women. And what about the rate of relationship breakdown in each lifestyle choice? Yes, the divorce rate is high and legal marriage offers no "guarantees" of long-term relationship success. However, the rate of relationship breakdown among cohabiting couples is even higher. Why is this important? Well, perhaps it isn't -- until we consider the fact that many couples, whether married or cohabiting, will have children together. A 2011 study by the National Marriage Project reported that about 25% of children of married couples experienced the break-up of their parents by 12 years of age; however, that number rose to 67% of children with cohabiting parents. This trend has been demonstrated even more significantly in other research. Does this mean that children of divorced or cohabiting parents won't do well in life? Of course not. But neither does it mean that we should dismiss the positive impact that a stable parental marriage has on children. The point of this article isn't to present legal marriage as the perfect relationship status for all people. We all of have different life circumstances and lifestyle preferences. Rather, the point of this article is to challenge those who say that marriage is just a piece of paper or an article of jewelry, and that it has no advantage over cohabiting. It does, and there is research to back that up. If there is credible research to back up the claim that cohabiting leads to greater relationship stability or provides a better environment for children, that is worth looking at, too. But back to the beginning -- does the stereotypical "happy home" with married parents living under the same roof as their biological children still exist? After over a decade of working as an in-the-trenches couples' mediator and relationship expert, I can tell you that it does exist. Many men and women enjoy the devotion, comfort, stability, sexual access and life-long friendship that come with a good marriage. They find profound meaning in the public and private commitment they've made to each other and they've managed -- to put it plainly -- to pick the right person and not screw it up. That "piece of paper" isn't an empty legality and that "shiny ring" isn't a mere trinket. Rather, these are important, identifiable symbols of the love and devotion they have for their spouse. They feel pride knowing that they have chosen to weather the storms of married and family life together, and raise their kids together in an atmosphere of stability and happiness. This is what legal marriage means to millions of men and women. Yet happy kids and a happy home hinges on one thing: a happy marriage between Mom and Dad. The quality of a couple's marriage sets the tone for family life. Below are five general qualities to strive for (or avoid, as the case may be). They aren't exhaustive, but they are a good start. 1. Choose the right person. Many people in unhappy marriages admit that problems -- from infidelity and indifference to belligerence and overspending -- were evident even before they exchanged "I do's". Remember that dating is a screening process: when you see red-flag behaviours or disagree on fundamental values, move on. Our recently lost Maya Angelou famously said, "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." 2. Put your spouse first. Ask yourself: Am I doing everything I can, every day, to make my spouse's life easier and happier?" This is a simple way to maintain good vibes in a marriage and to motivate a spouse to similarly put you first. Unfortunately, some people will respond to this idea with a knee-jerk, "Why should I do that? I'm not going to put my partner first until he/she starts putting me first!" Yep, nothing like a good 'ol pissing contest to really strengthen the love in a marriage. 3. Model "grown-up" behaviour. Adults are increasingly exhibiting childish behaviour from know-it-all assumptions and temper tantrums to accusations and name-calling. Many have a "hair trigger" where they fly into a rage over nothing, displaying infantile over-reaction and self-righteous indignation when they don't get their way or when someone disagrees with them. These are the folks who trash-talk on social media, fire off lengthy hate-email missives, delight in angry moralizing, and manage to have every person in the home walking on eggshells. Buck this trend in your marriage by respecting your spouse's right to disagree with you and accepting the fact that the world doesn't revolve around you or your opinions. Model grown-up behaviour to your kids by showing self-restraint and civility. 4. Be pleasant to live with. A positive personality and voice tone can go a long way, as can humility, honesty and reliability. Learn to see things from the point of view of your spouse and kids. Share in the responsibility of parenting, housecleaning and managing money, and be supportive of your spouse's and kids' goals in life. Have an easygoing nature, and be the type of person that everyone in your family wants to welcome home with a hug. 5. Prioritize intimacy. Ensure that non-sexual affection, gestures of appreciation and loving words fill your marriage. At the same time, don't let sex fall off the radar. Couples who acknowledge the importance of both emotional and physical intimacy are more likely to model a good marriage for their children and set the tone for a happy home. Debra Macleod, B.A., LL.B., is a leading relationship author-expert in Canada & the USA. Visit her website at MarriageSOS.com You can also check out her newest book, Marriage SOS. MORE ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Don't Live With Your Boyfriend if You Want to Get Married tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.4688489 2014-01-30T08:07:44-05:00 2014-04-01T05:59:01-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ When it comes to women, their complaints are threefold: 1. They can't meet a good man 2. Men treat them with disrespect or indifference 3. They get stuck in dead-end relationships Of course, men have their complaints too, and these will be addressed in an upcoming blog. When I first sit down with a single woman who is looking for dating advice, I ask her a simple question: "What are you looking for?" A no-strings relationship? A co-habiting or common law arrangement? A husband and legal marriage? If her answer is the latter, we take a critical look at her dating habits. What is she doing? Are her choices leading her to the life that she wants for herself? Over the past decade or so, I've found there are a few common pitfalls that women who want to get married inadvertently fall into, and which decrease their chances of getting married while they're still young enough to walk down the aisle without stopping for breath. One of these pitfalls is living together before marriage. I don't come at this issue from a moral or religious standpoint. A woman is and should be free to decide what is best for her without being judged, controlled or condescended to by others. My advice is only for those women who want to marry, and is based on studies as well as my professional experience. These are eight reasons I believe living together is a bad choice if a woman wants to marry: 1. Men and women have very different ideas about what living together means. Women typically see it as an almost inevitable step toward marriage, while men see it as a no-obligation "test drive." Couples who initiate a live-in relationship under the fog of such contradictory assumptions are already in trouble. 2. You've heard the old expression, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" It's an ugly phrase, but there's some truth to the message. Living together results in regular, no-strings sex for a man, thus removing the sexual motivation that is part of a marriage proposal. And don't worry about his proposing just to bed you -- there are too many sexually available women out there for a man to propose marriage just for sexual release. 3. Living together means that a man doesn't have to pursue his girlfriend any longer. And if something is too easily acquired, it just doesn't hold the same value as something that is more challenging to get. I have seen many men in my office who are apathetic about their partner, and I have noticed this to be more true with couples who are either co-habiting or who lived together before "sliding" into marriage. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a man say, "Well, we're not married so it doesn't really matter," or "I just married her because she wouldn't shut up about it," or "I only proposed because everyone expected me to." Their lack of enthusiasm and passion toward their partner is as depressing as it is discouraging. 4. Because it removes much of a man's motivation to make the formal commitment of marriage within a reasonable time, living together often causes women to feel frustrated and get stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment. Christmas comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. Her birthday comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. Her sister gets married and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. You get the idea. Even worse, this cycle often leads to ultimatums -- Marry me or it's over! -- which, in turn, can lead to a reluctant and passionless groom or, just as bad, a woman who tries to fool herself into believing that "marriage is just a piece of paper" so that she doesn't have to break up with a man who calls her bluff. 5. Couples who live together are less likely to get married. Why? Well, for the reasons I've mentioned that remove the motivation to marry. Co-habiting couples also tend to have a more lax attitude toward commitment and don't work as hard to stay together. When their relationship goes through a rough spot -- as all relationships do -- it is all too easy to just walk away. The legal and public commitment of marriage motivates couples to work through conflict, strengthen the relationship and stay together. 6. Living together is not a reliable way to predict long-term compatibility or marital success. In fact, couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates. There are other ways to set yourself up for a happy, healthy marriage. Serious dating allows two people to get to know each other as loving friends and determine whether they have a reasonable chance of being a faithful, respectful and cooperative couple with shared values and vision. Spending time at a boyfriend or girlfriend's house will reveal many personal habits and quirks, while a practical pre-marital class that teaches communication, interpersonal and life skills can give couples the tools they need to help avoid common problems and resolve those conflicts that will invariably arise. 7. Very few unmarried couples who have children end up staying together. In other words, a child's chances of living in the same home as his or her biological but non-married parents until he or she is a teenager is negligible. Of those couples that do keep their relationships intact until their children are grown, 93 per cent of them are legally married. This is important, since children who are raised by both biological parents in a low-conflict home are more likely to be emotionally and psychologically healthy than children whose parents are co-habiting or divorced. They are less likely to experience mental health or behavioural problems, or to live in poverty. 8. Living together takes the excitement out of being newlyweds. Being a new bride and moving in with your husband to start a life -- and perhaps a family -- with those shiny new rings on your fingers to show the world your commitment, is a wonderful experience that many women still hope for. Put the cynics and haters on ignore -- their bitterness reflects their own choices and reality, not yours. Many, many couples still live "happily ever after" after marriage, and you can, too. You just need to know where you want to go in life, and what choices are most likely to get you there. For a customized dating critique and plan, visit DebraMacleod.com ALSO ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Wanna Get the Girl? Date Like it's 1946 tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.4386830 2013-12-05T08:02:45-05:00 2014-02-04T05:59:02-05:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ During a recent radio interview, I said off-the-cuff that men should date a woman like it's 1940. No texting, no swearing, no "meet-ya-there," no going Dutch, no hats on backward. My tirade led me an amusingly vintage yet timelessly valuable 1946 video on dating etiquette. Although filmed for teenagers going to a prom, the advice is equally beneficial to adults trying to navigate the "grown up" dating world. So check out these 1940s-inspired dating tips that might bring a little timeless sophistication to your dating M.O. 1. Look dignified for your date. Men, that means pulling up your pants all the way, leaving your skin-tight Affliction t-shirt in your dresser, shaving or trimming your beard and removing your hat and sunglasses. Women, that means no plunging necklines or half-shirts, and go easy on the make-up. If your mother didn't tell you to not dress like a player or a prostitute, I'm telling you now. There are classier ways to show off that great body you've worked so hard for. 2. Use your manners. Act like a gentleman or a lady. Don't text your friends in your date's company. Don't flirt with the server. Don't ogle other women. Don't apply lipstick at the dinner table. Don't forget to say please and thank you. Men, feel free to help a woman with her jacket, pull out her chair and place her order to the server (or at least let her order first). It's not cheesy, it's chivalrous. 3. Be natural. There's no need to dazzle your date with fun facts or fascinating conversation. Sharing a funny story about your little sister or crazy parents doesn't make you uncool, it makes you sound like a real person. 4. Money matters. Men, this one is for you. Pay for the first few dates. After that, you can begin to graciously accept contribution from your date. If she doesn't offer to contribute by the third date -- or doesn't thank you for paying -- find someone else to spend your money on. 5. Leave your baggage at home. Don't talk about other partners. Ever. Your date wants to feel that she or he is special, not just the rebound from your last failed relationship. 6. Clean your car. Men, this one's also for you. Wash your car, inside and out, and then use it to pick up your date at her door and deliver her home. For extra points, show up at her door with flowers. If she doesn't break into a smile and swoon at this sweet but forgotten tradition, there's something wrong with her. 7. Get over yourself. Don't have too high an opinion of yourself or act like your date is "lucky" to be with you. There's no reason to talk about how women find you attractive or how men are intimidated by your brilliance. We get it. You're awesome. Just know that there's a fine line between sexy self-confidence and sickening over-confidence. 8. Sexual modesty. Ladies, this one is for you. And you're not going to like it. The fact is, a quality man will have a low opinion of a woman who gives her body to a man she barely knows. You can justify or rationalize it any way you want by talking about gender equality and double-standards, but that doesn't change the fact that he's assuming a lot about your character by your sexual behaviour. Hang on to your feminine mystique. If he's a guy you want to keep, keep your clothes on at least until the relationship is a committed and exclusive one. Visit Debra Macleod's website at debramacleod.com for relationship advice. ALSO ON HUFFPOST: ]]> Can "Oil Patch Marriages" Ever Work? tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.4171258 2013-10-28T16:01:06-04:00 2014-01-23T18:58:21-05:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ It is an all-too familiar scene on oil and gas leases: a busy and dangerous job is underway when a key employee gets a call from his wife. Having spent weeks without him, she is lonely, emotional and stressed. The couple spends the next half-hour on the cell phone, as she tries to explain her feelings and he tries to calm the waters--while simultaneously trying to perform his duties. Distracted, he nearly splashes himself with acid. After the job, he concocts a story about a family emergency and rushes home to try and save his marriage; however, instead of resolving anything, the distance, hurt and conflict between him and his wife only worsens. They fight about money, drinking, priorities, everything. Still upset, he leaves home for his next stretch of days-on. Soon after opening my practice in Calgary, and my satellite office in Red Deer, I realized I was quickly becoming the go-to person for couples struggling to make an "oil patch marriage" work. I realized something else, too--scenes like the above are commonplace, as the skills needed to enjoy a successful oil patch marriage don't come naturally. The challenges are above and beyond the normal challenges of marriage and family life. Typically, a husband is travelling or on location, working long hours, or sleeping in a camp. A wife is working, taking care of the house and raising the kids. Both feel lonely, exhausted, and--here's the real kicker--unappreciated by their spouse. They start to compete over who works harder or makes greater sacrifices. They may start to imagine what their spouse is up to while away, and these imaginings rarely fall on the sunny side: a wife may picture her husband flirting with every waitress on the way to Fort Nelson, while a husband may wonder whether his wife is Facebooking old flames when the kids are in school. They spend their phone calls arguing, criticizing or issuing ultimatums. Overall, it's a checklist for divorce: physical and emotional disconnection, negativity, a lack of appreciation and, almost always, poor communication skills that lead to further conflict, misunderstanding and misery. Indeed, Alberta has the highest divorce rates in the entire country. It would be naïve to think that the oil patch lifestyle does not factor into this. But it doesn't have to be this way. Oil patch couples can make their marriages survive and thrive. Here are a couple initial tips: First, focus on reconnecting in an emotional sense. Do your best to understand what your spouse has on his or her plate during the days-on rotation and show interest, support and appreciation for that. Tune-in to your family life and get on the same page in terms of parenting, socializing and sharing chores during days-off. Remove tones of contempt and criticism from your voice and speak to your spouse in friendship and with affection. You may need to reconnect in a physical way, too. That's right, get busy in the bedroom. Lovemaking releases oxytocin, a "cuddling" hormone that can deepen feelings of affection and connection. Second, focus on the pros of an energy sector career - primarily wages, bonuses, benefits and consecutive days-off - and approach the oil patch lifestyle as a team. Couples should establish guidelines for communication when a husband is on-duty: it is highly advisable to limit phone calls or texts during working hours, since this is often when conflict starts and a "cell phone fight" ensues. This isn't just bad for a relationship. It is a recipe for disaster, as a distracted oilfield worker is a dangerous oilfield worker. Marriage problems and lease sites don't mix. If your marriage has serious problems such as broken trust, spending issues, intense hurt or an inability to communicate or resolve conflict, you may need professional marriage help before you are able to make-up in a lasting way. My practice is a leader when it comes to oil patch marriages. I work with both private individuals and energy-sector companies striving to mitigate the costs associated with employee marital problems; however, in the end, you must be the expert in your own marriage. It's up to you whether you become a divorce statistic or a success story. There is no doubt that an oil patch career presents its challenges, but it also comes with rewards. With the right skills and attitude, your marriage can rise to those challenges and reap those rewards. And I should know. I've been a happily married "oil patch wife" for thirteen years. Debra Macleod is a relationship consultant with offices in Calgary and Red Deer. Her practice specializes in "oil patch marriages" and offers an alternative to traditional counselling. Visit her at DebraMacleod.com]]> If You Think All Women Are "Crazy," Take a Look at Yourself tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.4084852 2013-10-11T14:26:08-04:00 2014-01-23T18:58:21-05:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Perhaps it's time to stop pointing fingers at the opposite sex and start engaging in a little self-reflection, especially if you're re-living the same dysfunctional relationship over and over again. What if you drove every car you ever owned into the ditch? At some point you'd need to stop blaming the car or the roads, and start looking at your driving habits. Let's stay with that male-friendly metaphor for a moment. Imagine that your dream car hasn't been running well so you take it to the garage. You ask the mechanic, "What could be wrong with it? When will I get it back? How much will this cost?" He shrugs and walks away without saying a word. You call the garage later that day, but no one picks up the phone. Would that frustrate you? Might you leave an irate message? Might you raise your voice or swear? When people do not feel acknowledged, validated or valued, their behaviour can become ugly and reactionary. It's emotional arithmetic: Anger + Confusion + Insecurity + Fear = Crazy. The same formula applies to relationships. When a woman feels unheard, unappreciated or unimportant, her behaviour may look crazy to a man. If she's worried you've been Facebooking an old flame, she might hack into your computer. If she's been bagging her own groceries to save a nickel while you buy a $15,000 ATV on a whim, she might nag you about your spending. If she's nursed your three young kids through a nasty bout of the stomach flu but you forgot Mother's Day, her sweet nature may sour. I'm certainly not placing all the blame on men. Many of today's women are spoiled, snarly, self-focused and thankless. They don't know how to spot or appreciate a decent, hardworking man and I understand why some men think so little of the fairer sex. But not all women are like that. Which begs the question: If all the women you date eventually go off the deep end, perhaps it's time to tune-up your relationship skills. Most importantly, be smartly selective and choose the right person. If you're looking for a conventional woman with whom to start a family and share a life, avoid the bankrupt stripper who has lost custody of her three kids and already dated two of your buddies. If you're looking for a skydiver with an entrepreneurial spirit, stay away from the nine-to-fiver who is scared to drive after dark. If you're looking for someone with an energetic, easygoing disposition, avoid the sleepy shift-worker who pops anti-depressants like they're breath mints. When you do find a woman who has potential, treat her like gold. Don't text your ex-girlfriends or offer your unsolicited advice or opinion regarding her life choices. Don't send mixed messages, string her along or stare at the waitress's butt. Don't wear white sunglasses and a backwards ball-cap if you're over 40. Don't give her any reason to suspect that she's dating anything other than a total gentleman. As the relationship gets more serious, learn how to fight fair, with self-restraint and open-minded humility. Share your expectations in terms of managing time, finances, parenting, socializing, alcohol use and so forth. This will mitigate the damage of assumption and silent resentment. Master the art of the heart-to-heart conversation. Be your woman's greatest advocate and dish out healthy helpings of affection and reassurance -- it's nourishment that will return to you as love, devotion and intimacy. As pedantic as all this sounds, these habits offer a sure path to a sunny relationship. So whether you have a crazy girlfriend or a crazy wife, look in the mirror and reflect -- honestly -- on your own behaviour. If it would drive you nuts, try to introduce some of the above ideas into your relationship. It's never too late to start. You may be pleasantly surprised by how quickly your woman returns to sanity. Visit Debra's website at debramacleod.com ]]> Marriage 101: Eight Classes I Wish Existed tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3240617 2013-05-10T08:03:43-04:00 2013-07-10T05:12:02-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ Wife School which provides insider information on how wives can ensure their husbands remain monogamous. Her advice boils down to the ESF Rule: "Men need to Eat, Sleep, and Fornicate," she says. So is it true? Do women need wife school? You bet we do. Divorce rates are nasty and too many women find themselves in unhappy, unhealthy marriages. Yet to me, seeking marital advice from a mistress is kind of like seeking fitness advice from a couch potato. It isn't the most comprehensive resource. Don't get me wrong -- I like a lot of what Sarah has to say. She doesn't pull any punches about the fact that a mistress is a fairly pathetic aspiration, and that any man who has a mistress isn't worth having. I second that motion. Despite her accountability and straight talk, however, Sarah's school for affair-proofing a marriage leaves out a number of important subjects. After all, she can only speak from her experience as a mistress and, since mistresses exist primarily to provide sex, it isn't surprising that she would think sex is the only class worth teaching. It also leaves out half the student population -- men. In an effort to tie-up these loose ends, I've compiled a list of eight subjects that, if I found myself Dean of Spouse School, I would recommend as prerequisites to marriage. 1. Personality Traits 101: Recent research has shown that narcissism is on the rise. This "it's all about me" attitude is characterized by a profound lack of humility, impulsiveness and infantile, usually obnoxious behaviour. One need only scroll through the comments of any online article to read any number of self-righteous ramblings. Unfortunately, these less-than-sunny personality types don't log-out when they get home. And if reading their comments turns you off, just imagine living with them. An ability to recognize that this behaviour is unacceptable -- and to either get help or get out of the relationship -- is essential if one is to be happily married. If you marry a narcissist, it doesn't how matter how much "fornicating" you do, or how good you do it. It's their personality -- not a lack of sex -- that leads to infidelity and other problems. 2. Sexual Intimacy 101: Sarah says that women spend too much time in the kitchen and not enough time in the bedroom. Hell, I can't fault her for that message. I'd much rather slip between the sheets with my husband than cook him a casserole, and he's definitely happy with that arrangement. Marriage is a sexual relationship and prioritizing sex is essential for both wives and husbands. It doesn't just feel good, it does good. Sexually satisfied partners are more likely to remain committed to their marriages, both physically and emotionally. 3. Emotional Intimacy 101: This is the flip side of sex. It's all those loving (but non-sexual) embraces, kisses and cuddles on the couch. It's about supporting your partner's dreams and comforting him or her when things don't work out. It's about helping each other with housework and chores, flattering each other, texting XOXO in the middle of the day and conspiring to take your kids on a surprise trip to Disneyland. It's about staying connected and staying in love. 4. Appreciation 101: In almost all troubled marriages, one or both partners will say that they feel "unappreciated" in some way. Make it a habit to show appreciation, in words and deeds, to your partner on a daily basis. 5. Putting Your Partner First 101: Put your spouse's needs, preferences and happiness ahead of your own. There's a catch, though. Both partners need to be doing it. When partners strive -- compete, even -- to make each other happy, they create a spirit of collaboration and adoration that, perhaps more than anything else, makes a marriage rock solid. 6. Respect Your Partner 101: Remember that your partner is an individual. He or she is not on the earth to live up to your expectations or live life the way you see fit. When you speak to your partner, keep contempt, criticism and condescension out of your voice, and never name-call or assassinate his or her character. Don't stare at your smartphone or computer screen while he or she is trying to talk to you. Of all the people you interact with during your day, be sure to treat your spouse the best. After all, this is the person YOU chose. 7. Respect Yourself 101: Do you want to know, bottom line, why some spouses cheat? Because they know they can get away with it. They might have to beg for forgiveness, buy expensive jewelry or attend counselling, but they know, deep down inside, that their partner will take them back. Yes, there may be marriage problems. So what? Many people have marriage problems and manage to avoid getting naked with someone else. My point is this: know your "deal breakers" (i.e.: infidelity, belligerence, abuse, etc.) and end the relationship if they happen. If you are certain about the behaviour you will and will not tolerate, your partner will be certain of them, too. If he or she chooses to break them, you know you are not with the right person. Have some self-respect. Dr. Phil says it best: "You teach people how to treat you." No truer words were ever spoken about marriage. 8. Fun 101: When you and your partner go for a walk, do you hold hands and flirt? Do you goof around and make each other laugh? Do you have shared interests, whether dirt-biking or learning another language? When was the last time you couldn't stop smiling? It's a simple fact of life: People are drawn to those who make life more enjoyable. Be that person for your partner. So yes, there is more to a happy, faithful marriage than sex. It's important -- very important -- but just as the bedroom isn't the only room in a home, sex isn't the only subject that should be taught in Spouse School. Check out Debra Macleod's new relationship-saving home programs at MarriageSOS.com ]]> 10 Tips for a Spring Romance tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3165669 2013-04-30T08:19:32-04:00 2013-06-30T05:12:01-04:00 Debra Macleod http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-macleod/ 1. Have a positive attitude toward love. Sour people are a turn-off and your date will pick up on your negativity. You may have had bad experiences in the past, but you must learn to separate your personal experiences from the experience of love itself. Feeling jaded? Watch this video, and thank His Awesomeness Mr. Cohen for reminding you what it's all about. 2. Be fair to your date. Your date may wear the same sunglasses as an undesirable ex, but that doesn't mean he or she is the same person. Don't project your resentment onto someone you hardly know. At the same time, be on alert for "red flags" you've seen before (ie. excessive drinking, controlling or defensive behaviour, etc.) and have the foresight to end the relationship quickly. 3. Leave your baggage at home. While you and your date may want to exchange basic background info -- which includes past relationship history -- don't drag him or her down your "misery memory lane." Trash your checklist, too -- it's that mental list that idealizes Mr. or Mrs. Right. Get real and judge your date on his or her merits. 4. Challenge your assumptions. Don't ditch your date just because he or she has different opinions or interests. It is possible to reconcile some differences (as long as they're not differences in core values) and use them to keep a relationship dynamic. 5. Keep your perspective. Remember that you're on a date, not in front of a justice of the peace. Accept the date for what it is -- an hour or two of your time. It isn't your last chance for happiness. 6. Be on your best behaviour. Think of a first date as a job interview: You wouldn't wear glitter on your cleavage, tell dirty jokes, swear or get drunk when meeting a prospective employer, would you? Act like a lady or a gentleman. 7. Trust the Universe. Many people self-sabotage, believing that they will never be happy. There is enough happiness in the Universe to go around. Proudly claim some for yourself. That confidence can make good things happen. 8. Make your date feel good. Some people will cut down their date in an effort to make themselves look better. If this is your strategy, be aware that it has the exact opposite effect. A better strategy is to focus on making your date feel good about herself or himself by dishing out a few sincere compliments, smiling, keeping eye contact, and being respectful. Even if you're not enjoying the date, no good can come from hurting another person. Not only is it mean, it can lead to some nasty karma. 9. Be kind to yourself. Realize that it's normal to be nervous on a first date and don't fight the feeling. In fact, nervousness can be endearing to a date. It humanizes you and makes your date feel desirable. Plus, the way your date handles your nerves will speak volumes about her or his personality. 10. Keep it real. Your mom was right -- be yourself. Instead of laboring to maintain a witty, sophisticated or intelligent conversation, talk about what you know. Sharing stories about your family and interests not only keeps the conversation comfortable and real, it opens up shared ground between you and your date. Your date isn't focusing on your words, he or she is focusing on you as a total package. Lastly, remember that most people want the same things from a potential partner -- honesty, a good sense of humour and a positive, fun-loving attitude toward life. Nurture those in yourself, take a few chances and you will find your perfect fit. Visit Debra Macleod for relationship advice at www.MarriageSOS.com ]]>


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You know what erodes property value far worse for me: tyranny, especially over petty, eye-of-the-beholder beauty opinions!
That's why I'd avoid living in closed-gate suburb communities, even if they are safer, crime-wise. I'd rather contend with a few thuggish scavengers than be stuck in a Stepford prison.
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subset: commoncrawl


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Pictures of Diane Kruger at Berlin Premiere of Unknown 2011-02-18 14:38:28
Diane Kruger Makes Herself Known in Purple Chanel at Her Berlin Premiere
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Diane Kruger Makes Herself Known in Purple Chanel at Her Berlin Premiere
Diane Kruger wore Chanel on the red carpet at the Berlin Film Festival, where she premiered Unknown this evening. She was in a bright coral dress earlier in the day for a photo call, which she attended with a few of her costars from the film. Liam Neeson and January Jones didn't join the group overseas, though they did their part to promote the project at the LA premiere on Wednesday. The movie hits theaters today, and after checking out Buzz's review, you can also take a look back at some fun moments from January's past to get you excited for the thriller!
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An Guido who is also a Geek. He is very muscular, tanned, and wears lots of hair gel, but is also very smart, into comic books, computers, and mathematics.
That Guido knows more about Star Trek than you.
Shyeah, he's a real Gweek.
Shyeah, he's a real Gweek.
by Downtown Sinclair August 01, 2012


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Lowe's Launches Natural Gas-Powered Truck Fleet At Texas RDC
Friday October 18th, 2013 - 10:43AM
These are shortcuts to your favorite social networking and bookmark sites. Add this story to your Facebook page, del.icio.us, DiggIt, and many others!
As part of its continued commitment to promote responsible transportation practices and sustainable technologies, Lowe's has launched a dedicated fleet of natural gas-powered trucks at its regional distribution center in Mount Vernon, TX. Lowe's dedicated fleet at Mount Vernon is among the first serving a major retail distribution center in North America to run solely on natural gas, according to the company.
With the transition from a diesel-fueled fleet to trucks powered by liquefied natural gas, Lowe's expects to reduce greenhouse gas emissions nearly 20% and control fuel costs as it transports up to 68 truckloads each day to stores in Texas, Louisiana and Oklahoma.
"The transition to an NG-powered fleet was a natural step for Lowe's because of the economic and environmental benefits of natural gas," said Steve Palmer, Lowe's vp/transportation. "Given the amount of natural gas that's available domestically, broadly utilizing natural gas will give us an opportunity to better control our transportation fuel costs in the coming years. Our goal is to replace all of our diesel-powered dedicated fleets with natural gas trucks by the end of 2017."
Lowe's is working with its truckload carriers to convert their Lowe's-dedicated fleets. The company began using natural gas trucks last year at its distribution center in Kissimmee, FL, and teamed with longtime carrier partner NFI to launch the natural gas dedicated fleet in Texas. Lowe's also worked with Clean Energy, a provider of natural gas fuel for transportation in North America, to research the use of alternative fuels and accelerate the transition to natural gas. Clean Energy will support the NFI fleet by opening a natural gas station in Sulphur Springs, TX.
Tags: Lowes • home centers • home improvement • hardware stores • distribution • distribution centers • regional distribution centers • transportation • logistics • fleets • trucks • RDC • natural gas • Housewares • Retail • Sustainability •
Rubin Sues Helen Of Troy, Company Promises Vigorous Defense »
Kmart, Sears Make Cyber Monday A Week-Long Event
Report: Merchandising Chief Mac Naughton Leaving Walmart
JC Penney, Macy's Offer Best Black Friday Deals: Survey
Best Buy Remodels Chicago-Area Stores
Report: Stock Analyst Cool On Keurig Cold Potential
Nearly Half Of American Consumers Do Not Shop Black Friday: Survey
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When a former Navy SEAL who survived a suicide bomb attack on his barracks in Iraq talks about how to lead through perseverance, people should listen. Eric Greitens, speaking at the annual Chief Housewares Executive SuperSession, offered a compelling lesson in leadership that should resonate with any industry professional.


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Where Your Brand Matters!! IntegrityPromo.net is all about YOU and YOUR IMAGE. We take great pride in our clients and our "Make It Happen" philosophy. IntegrityPromo.net specializes in custom screen printing, embroidery, or promotional marketing items and have the expertise and resources to transform your ideas into reality. If you are looking for a company to PARTNER with, that cares about your needs and will "Make It Happen", contact us today!!


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On Tuesday, we told you about the 70 activists who poured onto two nuclear sites in Sweden in an effort to show how lax the security is at ...On October 11, 2012 / By Brian Blomme
A full sized nuclear power plant that has been running for a few months has enough radioactive material in it to kill all life on Earth. It's also a ...On October 9, 2012 / By Dima Litvinov
I am at a detention centre at South Korea's airport, quickly writing these few words as best I can on a mobile phone. Together with my colleague, Dr. ...On October 8, 2012 / By Jan Beranek
Greenpeace is an independent organization that does not take money from corporations or government. We rely on individual donations from people just like you.Donate
Greenpeace activists will be going on trial to fight felony charges for a protest at the P&G headquarters in Cincinnati.
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A very thoughtful and well-researched paper.
Words change meaning over time based upon how they are used in living language. The origins and historical usage of words can influence their connotations in different contexts, especially when that history is known by the audience, and this can be a powerful tool in the hands of a skillful wordsmith.
On the other hand, sometimes word origins are completely forgotten and have no effect on current usage and meaning. Words like "fire" or "shoe" or even "word" are used by English speakers today without any thought being given to their etymology or historic connotations. But words that involve cultural identification tend to get analyzed more closely.
As it has come to be used, the word "Hindu" is not very precise in describing a particular set of ideas or practices.
Even the word "Vedic" is not very precise in that sense, because Vedic scriptures are so vast, and provide guidance for people with a wide array of goals and determinations. But some precision lies in the reference to a specific known body of literature or scriptures. As devotees we argue that the Vedas ultimately point to Vedanta, and that Vedanta culminates in Bhakti.
[Modern academic scholars use the term "Vedic" differently than we do, using the term only to refer to pre-Buddhist literature and culture, or identifying "Vedic" only with sruti texts and not smrti. In contrast, we revere all "literature in pursuance of the Vedic version," and consider the Epics and Puranas as "Vedic" or "The Fifth Veda".]
Modern Hindu leaders have introduced many ideas and practices which are not rooted in the Vedic scriptures. (For example, M. K. Gandhi acknowledged influences from Ruskin, Thoreau, Tolstoi, Homeopathy, etc. In his "Autobiography" he talks about the tradition of guru-parampara, but admits he never accepted any guru.) "Hinduism" as presently understood is broad enough to embrace a number of non-Vedic and even anti-Vedic reform ideas and practices.
Still, the word "Hindu" connotes mainly the indigenous Aryan religious culture of India derived mostly from the Vedas. As far as bodily identifications go, "Hindu" is a very respectable one for those who revere Vedic culture.
On the other hand, terms like "Vaishnava" and "Hare Krishna" (as in, "My son became a Hare Krishna") are more descriptive and pure. But we still have to remember not to treat even these holy names as material designations.


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Continuing a survey of student opinions of teachers, the report this time is from an eighth-grader in his last year of middle school. Max, (not his real name), is a bright youngster who had clear opinions about what makes good or bad teachers and was happy to share his ideas.
September 30Word of the Day, This Day in History, Number to Know, Website of the Day, Today�s Featured Birthday and Daily Quote.Word of the Day
Original Post Located at:A Voice Of Reason - by Sherry Petro-SurdelOrginal Author:
Thinning tresses? We reveal 8 common causes of hair loss in women.
Prep Sports Roundup - Raiders golf squeaks out win, Shamrocks fall in five
First things first: Last week, several people took issue (to put it mildly) with�
[WARNING: The following contains many juicy spoilers from�Monday's�Sleepy Hollow. Read at your own risk!]
It was like clock-work on Monday for the Lakewood Vikings girls golf squad. The team stayed undefeated (14-0) with another win, this time over Wyoming, 174-268 at their home course.
"BraBling," shopping and give-aways will headline Ladies Night Out from 5 to 8 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 14.
The Ionia Sentinel-Standard weekly football contest, which involves citizens and the Sports Editor picking games each week, is in every Tuesday edition of the Sentinel-Standard.
The honeymoon phase is over. Michigan hired a "Michigan Man" four years ago. Well Michigan faithful, how do you feel about this "Michigan Man?"
- Events Calendar


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A BMX contest (Jam) for all riders.
Location: MAP`S TOKYO (Tokyo)
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Kids Jam.
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With T-Mobile acquiring MetroPCS, things are starting to look mighty lonely in the regional carrier department here in the States. Even so, US Cellular has been making admirable strides in rolling out LTE services to their relatively small customer base, even beating some of the bigger carriers to the punch in many of their markets. Starting on November 5th, US Cellular will be adding new markets and expanding existing LTE zones...
Today, ARCHOS released details on its newest small form factor tablet, the 80 Cobalt. Clearly aimed at the lower end of the slate market, this device packs a 1.6Ghz dual-core processor, 1GB of RAM, 8GB of on-board storage and a rather meager 1024x768 display. Fortunately, the device also includes the controversial as of late micro SD card slot.
Here's the full list of specs you care about:
- Dual core @ 1.6 GHz with Quad core GPU
- 8" 1024 x 768 display (4:3 aspect ratio)
- 8 GB flash memory
- 2MP rear camera
- 0.3MP front camera
- Micro SD slot (SDHC compatible) Up to 64 GB
- Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich
To put it politely, the specs don't exactly overwhelm.
Adding to the steady stream of new phones, Samsung has now unveiled the GT-i9260, which will be publicly known as the Galaxy Premier. This phone was previously (and wrongly) rumored to be the Galaxy Nexus 2, as it sports a similar size to the original GN, but has the stylistic design of the Galaxy S III. Not all details are available at this time, but we know the device has a 4.65" 720x1280 Super AMOLED display, 8 or 16GB of storage, a microSD card slot, an 8MP rear shooter and 1.9MP front camera, 2100mAh battery, and Android 4.1.
Just a week ago, I discovered that despite some flaws, the Motorola DROID RAZR HD is a great phone. With a 1.5GHz dual-core Snapdragon S4 CPU, a 4.7" 720p SAMOLED display, 1GB of RAM, 16GB of storage (plus a microSD slot), and a 2530mAh battery, it packed solid performance and good battery life into a slim package.
Now, there's another reason to love it: Amazon has dropped the price down to just $130 for new customers ($150 for upgrades), compared to Verizon's $200.
We've been eagerly awaiting the day that we would finally hear some kind of stats on Nexus 7 sales and, finally, ASUS has let some figures slip. Apparently sales of Google's first Nexus tablet have not only been great, but are getting progressively better. While we weren't given exact numbers, the company's CFO David Chang had this to say about how the slate has done in the market:
The lack of expandable storage in Nexus devices becomes one of the hottest and most controversial topics every time Google does a refresh and we find out that the next generation lacks SD cards entirely yet again. Couple that with the decision to limit onboard storage options to 16GB max, which is the case with the Nexus 4 at the moment and was the case with the Nexus 7 for a while, and you've got a full-blown revolt.
At ARM TechCon today, the titular purveyor of semiconductors announced its Cortex-A50 series, dubbed "the world's most energy-efficient 64-bit processors." Based on the ARMv8 architecture, the line will launch with the Cortex-A53 and A57 processors, allowing not only for significantly more energy-efficient processing, but SoC scalability that makes the line applicable to devices from smartphones to high-performance servers. The A57 is geared toward high-performance, while the A53 is lauded by ARM as its most power-efficient.
It's always a joyous occasion to welcome a new device into the CyanogenMod family. This time it's the MetroPCS variant of the Samsung Galaxy S III.
CyanogenMod is one of the most popular Android ROMs and is supported on a ton of devices already. The CyanogenMod 10 version being offered for the MetroPCS SGS3 is a nightly build, meaning it is the experimental product of a day's work. Bugs are to be expected, but CM10 is getting quite stable overall.
Welcome to the roundup of the best new Android applications, games, and live wallpapers that went live in the Play Store or were spotted by us in the previous 3 weeks or so.
This is the app roundup. The game roundup from this week can be found here.
Update: Samsung amended the picture and took out the 64GB option. Was it included prematurely or just a mistake? We'll have to wait and see.
Hurricane Sandy may have stopped Google's live announcement of the new Nexus family (and Android 4.2) yesterday, but it didn't stop Google from releasing a truckload of information on its upcoming products online, including the Nexus 10.
The Nexus 10, in case you missed it, is Google's new 10" slate (in partnership with Samsung) that has an incredible 2560x1600 (~300ppi) display, Samsung's latest and greatest A15 dual-core processor at 1.7GHz, and 2GB RAM.