text:
Best (Funniest? Wittiest?) Food Quotes
- Pigeage Feb 27, 2007 01:02 AM
"Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive." - P.J. O'Rourke
Voltaire said, «Rien ne serait plus fatiguant que mangeant et buvant si Dieu ne leur avait pas fait un plaisir aussi bien qu'une nécessité. »
...which translated into English is something like, "Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking, if God hadn't made them a pleasure as well as a necessity."
re: ambrose
Here in Toronto there are two sister restaurants: one called "Bonjour Brioche" and the other is "Hello Toast." Both are pretty good, too!
re: jujuthomas
Love that one.
re: jujuthomas
after the 1906 San Francisco earthquake one of the largest distilleries was standing proudly among the ruins. The ditty went something like this:
if tis true god spanked the town
for being over frisky,
why'd he burn the churches down
and save holtag's whiskey?
re: jujuthomas
Likely a false attestation though. http://tiny.cc/wPMQ6
Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. ~Garrison Keillor
Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality. ~Clifton Fadiman
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? ~Author Unknown
A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. ~Old New York Proverb
I'll bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal. ~Martha Harrison
A couple from movies:
"I'll have what she's having", from When Harry met Sally. And my favorite: "Soilent Green is people!"
re: Lazy Susan
Yep my favorite. Soylent is the spelling.
re: Lazy Susan
Funny....I am betting Mr. Keillor had some fairly disappointed mates in his life!!!LOL
re: Lazy Susan
Soylent Green is made of people!!! It's people!!!
re: Lazy Susan
I'll never ever forget having to watch Soylent Green in my 10th grade biology class, especially from that quote.
re: nkslover
Watching that qualified as a biology lesson?
What is patriotism but the love of the food one ate as a child? ~Lin Yutang
This is the best Barbecue I ever ate in a building that wasn't condemned. - Diner review of Red Hot and Blue, Arlington, VA
"I ended up doing a show called Squid Pro Quo that really got out of hand. It was not one of my proud and shining moments."
"Slicing a warm slab of bacon is a lot like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, somebody's going to get hurt."
"Now my wife may think she's locked me out of the kitchen but MacGyver's not my patron saint for nothing."
All by Alton Brown.
The gentle art of gastronomy is a friendly one. It hurdles the language barrier, makes friends among civilized people, and warms the heart. Samuel Chamberlain
I found this to be true last summer when assisting with the cooking for a day after the wedding brunch. Some of the brides family were Italian who spoke nno English. Her step-motjer and I sat at the same table discussing food and recipes with the brother of the bride translating back and forth.
re: Flynn1
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks." Marilyn Wann
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people."
-- Orson Welles.
"Never eat more than you can lift" Miss Piggy
"Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn" Garrison Keillor
"I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough... " (Brian Kiley)
"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead." (Woody Allen)
"You can never have enough garlic. With enough garlic, you can eat The New York Times." (Morley Safer)
re: jacquelyncoffey
That is from Dorothy Parker and she was so right.
re: jacquelyncoffey
I don't get it. What's so hard about eating a ham?
re: SomeRandomIdiot
Whole hams (as opposed to just the butt or shank that one typically finds for sale in supermarkets and grocery stores) weigh in anywhere between 13 and 20 lbs. Assuming two people each eating half a lb/day every day 'til it's gone, that's 12-19 straight days of leftover ham. Not exactly eternity, but after a week, it sure as he** is gonna FEEL like it.
re: mclaugh
I thought it was about the fighting and arguing over the ham, and i was imagining something like a proscuitto or jamon. we're all stumped i guess.
re: amkirkland
Nope. It'd definitaly a negative comment on ham.
Dorothy Parker was renowned for her acerbic commentary and casutic wit. (When informed that President Calvin Cooledge had died, she is reported to have replied, "How can they tell?") Among her many bon mots:
• You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think (when challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence);
• Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life;
• If all the young ladies who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised;
• Do me a favor. When you get home, throw your mother a bone'
• Too f***ing busy, and vice versa [Reply to her editor who was bugging her for her belated work while she was on her honeymoon]
re: mclaugh
And isn't there also "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."
re: MMRuth
I know that's in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original one).
re: Katie Nell
actually - I thought it was a Dorothy Parker quote - will check it out!
Edit - but I would be wrong - apparently it's Ogden Nash.
re: MMRuth
Well, Wonka might have stolen it from Dottie, but that's where I know that quote from! Yep, that's right... I can quote Willy Wonka, but not Dorothy Parker! ;-)
re: MMRuth
It was Ogden Nash but it'r not on a par with his "Toward a better world I contribute my modest smidgin; I eat the squab, lest it become a pigeon."
It was Richard Armour, however, who came up with this zinger:
"Shake and shake the ketchup bottle. None'll come, and then a lot'll."
re: MMRuth
And to finish the quote...but liquor is quicker, but sex won't rot your teeth. I believe that was from Ogden Nash.
re: free sample addict aka Tracy L
Kept me from doing it;-)
re: mclaugh
Ahhh. That's the part I didn't get. I figured itd be 3-5 lbs.
Laughter is brightest in the place where food is. – Irish Proverb
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler
As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists. – Joan Gussow
Look at those cows and remember that the greatest scientists have never discovered how to turn grass into milk. – Michael Pupin
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. – Jeff Mander
The only thing it would be nice to have more of would be M&M's. – Shannon Lucid (after returning from a space shuttle mission)
We are living in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. – Jim Davis
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, sugar, caffeine and fat. – Alex Levine
Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.—Sophia Loren
A billion hours ago, human life appeared on earth. A billion minutes ago, Christianity emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday morning.
re: bonmann
I like children - fried WC Fields
Vegetarian: an old Indian word for bad hunter
It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it. -- Julia Child
Lisa: 'Don't you have anything vegetarian?'
Lunchlady doris: 'Just these hotdog buns...they're full of bunly goodness.'
re: bonmann
Make that diet cokes and that's me! These are brilliant!
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." - Calvin Trillin
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are." - Matt Lauer (on NBC's Today Show).
"Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say, that I am a friend to the creatures of the earth, when I am not busy eating them or wearing them." --John Hodgman
re: mangiatore
You just reminded me:
I love cats but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
re: bonmann
Not if you don't have a sense of humor, I suppose.
(Edit: crap...replied to the wrong person.)
re: mangiatore
Another from Fields:
Q: Do you like children?
A: Only if they are properly cooked.
re: atheorist
Another from W.C.
When asked why he didn't drink water just liquor, he replied ' Quite simple, fish f--k in water'
re: mangiatore
I saw a great bumper sticker this morning:
Vegetarian: an old Indian word for bad hunter
re: mangiatore
Do you like children?
W.C. Fields..Yes, If they're properly cooked.
re: HoneybeeSF
Loved Parker about 3-4 martinis!
Borscht Belt comedian Joe E. Lewis used to say "you're only drunk if you're lying on the floor -- and you have to hold on."
re: shaogo
I've always like LIebling's comment in his heroic assault on "food that has no flavor'(in "Between Meals") when he remarks "The standard of perfection for vodka---no color, no taste, no smell---was expounded to me by the then-Estonian consul-general to the Unisted Nations, and it accounts perfectly for that drink's rise in popularity. Taken with teh reassuring flavors of infancy---tomato juice, orange juice, chicken broth---it is the ideal intoxicant for teh drinker who worries about how hurt Mother would be if she knew what he was doing"
re: hazelhurst
ah, VODKA! (that might explain some of the UN delegates' behavior! ;-).
It's not exactly a quote, but I always liked this:
On Liquor Production
by David M. Smith
A friend who's in liquor production
Owns a still of astounding construction.
The alcohol boils
Through old magnet coils;
She says that it's "proof by induction."
re: Uncle Ira
If I remember right, the cartoon that poster Uncle Ira mentions is the picture of a husband & wife at the dinner table. She says "It's broccoli, dear" -- and then he retorts with "I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it!"
re: blue room
Funny, I recall it being a little girl and it was a Steigtz (?) drawing.
re: Uncle Ira
I remember this one!!! Thanks for reminding me, I love that one.
re: Uncle Ira
""I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
-- George H.W. Bush
re: Rick_V
"Accept Provolone into your life."
--Zippy the Pinhead (aka Bill Griffith)
re: Gary Soup
I want one! That's awesome!
Burgundy makes you think of silly things; Bordeaux makes you talk about them, and Champagne makes you do them."
—Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
I've been looking for the original source of this quote and I really don't think it's in Physiology of Taste. Actually, I'd welcome any ideas.
Also, a favorite quote from Physiology... is:
"A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman with only one eye."
re: negronilover
Brillat-Savarin is full of great food quotes...
All men, even those we call savages, have been so tormented by the passion for strong drinks, that limited as their capacities were, they were yet able to manufacture them.
Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are.
The number of flavors is infinite, for every soluble body has a peculiar flavor, like none other.
The sense of smell explores; deleterious substances almost always have an unpleasant smell.
Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking.
re: kobetobiko
re: LadyCook61
um, actually...
re: amkirkland
This was the name of an album as well, Morrisey or the Smiths, very annoying.
re: amkirkland
My favorite bumper sticker: "Meat is Dinner"
re: amkirkland
recently seen on a T-shirt: "Salad is Murder" ... showing a lettuce bowl with the red bar sign over the image. Back at the vegetarian do-gooders.
re: ricepad
not funny.
re: LadyCook61
Yeah, and it doesn't make any sense either. I mean, how are you going to trade recipes with someone in another car? That's just rediculous.
re: mclaugh
"If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, he will buy an ugly hat. And if you talk about fish to a starving man, then you're a consultant."
Scott Adams
re: mclaugh
Give a fish a man, and it will eat for weeks.
re: Delucacheesemonger
signed, tony soprano
re: ambrose
I also like "Trichinosis - The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy."
My personal favorite... "Many people believe the names of In 'n Out and Steak 'n Shake perfectly describe the contrast in bedroom techniques between the coast and the heartland." ~Roger Ebert
"I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "F*ck it. Cut em up."
"I saw a wino eating grapes, and I said dude - you've got to WAIT."
"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be f--ked up."
"I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall."
"Pickles are cucumbers that sold out."
That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."
I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...
---All by Mitch Hedburg
re: Offbalance
I drove 5 hours one way and 4 hours back to see mitch about 6 years ago. I'm glad i did when I had the chance.
re: amkirkland
I am VERY jealous!
re: Offbalance
Man. I am sooo sorry this guy accidently offed himself. I have a cd of one of his shows in my car and it still cracks me up to this very day.
re: Offbalance
This Mitch Hedburg quote was always one of my favorites:
"I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for a donut. I'll give you the money, you give me the donut - end of transaction."
re: ambrose
Sign outside a T-shirt shop in Toronto:
"If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them taste so good?"
re: ambrose
Think that one is TED NUGENT.
"Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the donut; the pessimist, the hole!" Oscar Wilde
"Let them eat cake!" Someone other than Marie Antoinette
"I am a great eater of beef, and I believe it does do harm to my wit." Shakespeare
"Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs." Mark Twain
"Be the bacon." Thomas Keller
I can't remember her exact words, but I always loved Julia Childs words on margerine: "Never will that loathsome substance cross my lips."
It made a big impression on my, I heard her say that on TV maybe 30 years ago, and I have never, ever purchased margerine!
re: Covert Ops
I think the"tee many matroonies" was an old Shelly Berman line.
"I don't remember where we were, I don't remember the name of the girl, but the wine... was Chambertin!" Hugh Johnson
"If we're not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?"
"Just hand over the chocolate and no one will get hurt"
-Bumper stickers
re: amkirkland
That's the best...gotta love Homer.
re: DBrooks
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do??"
H. Simpson
re: Davwud
"Can't Talk ... Eating"
Home Simpson
re: bermudagourmetgoddess
Homer is an unstoppable fount of memorable food quotes. In the episode "Guess who's criticizing dinner" (Homer becomes a food critic for the Springfield Shopper...one of the best ever in my opinion) he sings a little ditty ending " ...I'll eat eggplant...I'd even eat a baby deer" which cracks me up completely. Love the equivocal quality of "I'll eat eggplant" - has a whiff of "if I'm forced to" about it.
re: buttertart
"Homer is an unstoppable fount of memorable quotes." PERIOD. But that's another story.
How 'bout, "All work and no beer make Homer, something, something, something."
re: Davwud
"That wonderful, magical animal." (the source of ham, bacon, and pork chops). Also applies to Homer.
re: buttertart
"All right brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer." - HS
re: Spends Rent on Food
You should drown in a vat of whiskey.
W.C. Fields....Oh death, where is thy sting.
"Nobody ever goes there anymore, it's too crowded."
-Yogi Berra, on a popular New York Restaurant
Lily Bollinger on champagne:
"I drink it when I'm happy and when I'm sad.
Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.
When I have company I consider it obligatory.
I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and I drink it when I am.
Otherwise I never touch it, unless I'm thirsty."
"I never eat healthy foods or exercise because when I die I want to be very very sick"
" I used to frequent a German/Chinese restaurant but I stopped. Half an hour after eating there I got hungry for power"
I love vegetarians. I just don't know what their f***ing problem is.
I've never met a jolly vegetarian
I have a friend who is an ovo-lacto vegetarian. Me, I'm a porco-vegetarian
re: ishmael
Was the German/Chinese quote from Woody Allen?
re: alkapal
no alkapal, it wasn't, although it sounds like woody. instead, it was that great stand up comedian and joke writer, dick cavett.
re: alkapal
I seem to remember it from Woody's "Without feathers" but I can't find my copy to confirm.
"I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance." Stephen Wright
re: ali patts
"I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks." — Joe E. Lewis.
re: smrits
"I gave up drinking and smoking, it was the hardest hour of my life"
re: bermudagourmetgoddess
Rodney Dangerfield! I'll have to think of another......
re: rockycat
This would be a great fortune cookie find in a chinese fusion restaurant.
re: ccbweb
Somehow that reminds me of a remark made years ago by a slightly tipsy Graham Kerr, aka The Galloping Gourmet. After dropping a whole chicken on the floor, he paused a moment, then retrieved it and put it back on the platter, saying something like, "remember ladies, what goes on in YOUR kitchen is YOUR business!"
re: Katie Nell
I read a recent article about the beginning of the JC shows with Russel Morash. The chicken incident was mentioned again. I guess I am going to have to buy the CD of all of the shows and check it out.
re: Candy
Well, according to snopes.com, which is usually pretty reliable when it comes to urban myths, the chicken incident never happened. However, Julia did admit to a 'potato pancake incident'.
re: ambrose
Yeah I know about Snopes and use it frequently but the interview with Morash brought it back up again. He was the producer so I tend to believe, but as i said I am just going to have to get the CD and verify it for myself. The article pointed out that the time is the shows were taped in real time and there was no going back later and redoing anything. They just had to go with what happened and deal with it.
re: ccbweb
Yes, it was the great and glorious JC. As I recall it, she was giving her definition of Nouvelle Cuisine: "Food that's been so artfully prepared, and so beautifully arranged on the plate, that you just know that someone's fingers have been all over it"
"Bacon is a vegetable" -- t-shirt sold by webcomic "Diesel Sweeties"
"I hate people who are not serious about their meals." -- Oscar Wilde
"We plan, we toil, we suffer - in the hope of what? A camel-load of idol's eyes? The title deeds of Radio City? The empire of Asia? A trip to the moon? No, no, no, no. Simply to wake just in time to smell coffee and bacon and eggs." -- J. B. Priestly
Here's one I remember (too late) every time I have a bad meal at a restaurant that's been open for less than a month: "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." -- Steven Wright
"We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink." -- Epicurus
"Bread and butter, devoid of charm in the drawing-room, is ambrosia eating under a tree." -- Elizabeth Russell
"Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly." -- M. F. K. Fisher
"Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you who you are." -- Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
"Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we shall die." -- Isaiah 22:13
re: MC Slim JB
I got the "Bacon is a vegetable" shirt for Christmas. Came with a bumper sticker too.
My favorite phrase has always been, "Bacon makes everything better."
re: ajs228
I loved it on a recent Iron Chef when Jeffrey Steingerten said, "The only thing more enjoyable than chocolate is bacon."
re: dinner belle
Then Jeffrey Steingerten would love the chocolate bar I just saw in the cheese store around the corner - & I swear this is true - dark chocolate covered, applewood smoked bacon!
re: dinner belle
Or Ted Allen on Iron Chef, "Two words to improve any dish. Ba, Con"
re: dinner belle
I had pork mole last night that was essentially ham chocolate fondue, so I beg to differ.
re: MC Slim JB
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you will be in Utah" Sign in Wendover Nevada just before crossing over into Utah.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal
probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world.
- Robert Orben
Forgive me if this has been mentioned...but a great little tome is
"Never Eat More Than You Can lift" by Sharon Tyler Herbst..
Hope the above link works...many, many quotes, and lots of fun to read!
re: Jesdamala
Or "never eat anything bigger than your head" from Kliban (wrote books of humorous cartoons mostly about cats)
re: prunefeet
Also Kliban (visulaize cat w/ guitar):
Love to eat them mousies
Mousies what I love to eat
Bite they tiny heads off
Nibble they tiny feet
(Apologies for any misquoting...that was from memory)
re: LindaWhit
Great video!
They don't play baseball,
They don't wear sweaters,
They don't go to movies,
They don't play drums.
re: ricepad
And did you know one of them is/was Bill Mumy - who played Will Robinson in Lost in Space?
re: LindaWhit
OMG, really??? Very funny.
A great toast "Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends" - Francis Bacon (Anglo-Irish painter)
"I'm a vegetarian not because I love animals but because I hate plants" - Unattributed
I can't believe no one has mentioned the greatest food quote of all time: "Let them eat cake". Or as Jeffrey Dahmer said to Lorena Bobbitt: "you gonna eat that?"
Don't know where I read it, but
" If all the coffee labeled 'Blue Mountain' were from Jamaica, Jamaica would have to be the size of Texas."
Does anyone know the exact quote and who said it that goes something like... "The job of the Chef is to take great ingredients and not ruin them."
"Rice is good to eat when you're really hungry and want to eat a thousand of something."
-Mitch Hedber (R.I.P.)
A triple play by the late, great William Claude Dukenfield aka W.C. Fields:
"Once...in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days"
- My Little Chickadee
"What contemptible scoundrel stole the corkscrew from my lunch?"
- You Can't Cheat an Honest Man!
"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink: that's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."
- Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
re: Harp00n
And this from Oscar Wilde; "Work is the curse of the drinking class!"
re: Harp00n
Actually that was Prof. Spooner. As in spoonerism. A pathetic yet entertaining figure.
re: Aromatherapy
Actually, the vast majority of all quotes attributed to William Archibald Spooner are considered apocryphal and he irritatedly stated so during his lifetime. George Carlin would well understand his annoyance. BTW, "A pathetic yet entertaining figure", hardly. W.A. Spooner was highly regarded by both peers and students in his over sixty years of service at New College, Oxford.
The citation of this quote, as being by Oscar Wilde, is from chapter 12 of Hesketh Pearson's 1946 biography "Oscar Wilde, His Life and Wit". Moreover, spoonerism are akin to malapropism, without guile, i.e. unintentional transpositions. Wilde identified himself with anarchistic socialism and, based on many of his other quotes, it would fit his, rightfully, cynical views of the English "Ruling Class".
re: Harp00n
I love that quote!
re: Harp00n
"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
W. C. Fields
re: Harp00n
WC once was on the movie set and was drinking pineapple juice in a scene. He was supposed to have gin and pineapple juice. The crew pulled a prank and gave him juice without any gin. He took a sip and said .
"Somebody put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice."
re: moiraknows
"Sure Lisa, there's some magical animal that gives us bacon and ham and ribs." Homer Simpson
"There are few foods that are not enhanced by the addition of either bacon or chocolate, but rarely both". Food Editor, Spy Magazine
"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mothers tasted better the day before."
Rita Rudner
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet" Fran Lebowitz
"Bread is the warmest,kindest of words. Write it always with a capital letter, like your own name." Anonymous
"If you don't want to use butter, then use cream!" Julia Child
I spent ninety percent of all the money I made on loose women, good food and wine.. the rest I squandered.
"Bad food is made without pride, by cooks who have no pride, and no love. Bad food is made by chefs who are indifferent, or who are trying to be everything to everybody, who are trying to please everyone ... Bad food is fake food ... food that shows fear and lack of confidence in people's ability to discern or to make decisions about their lives. Food that's too safe, too pasteurized, too healthy – it's bad! There should be some risk, like unpasteurized cheese. Food is about rot, and decay, and fermentation….as much as it is also about freshness.")
- Anthony Bourdain, Interview with Chris Tan (http://www.foodfella.com/Writing%20Pa...
"if you're going to kill the animal it seems only polite to use the whole thing"
- Fergus Henderson, Chef of St. John in London, England
"I always want to rate restaurants, like movies get rated—PG-13; NC-17. We'd get an adult rating —an R, which means no babies, no one who's going to complain about the music, no special requests."
- David Chang, Chef at Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC
Advice to future cooks. "You're better off peeling potatoes at a great kitchen than working saucier at a really mediocre place."
- David Chang, Chef at Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC
re: nose_food
....and I don't remember the author?
(Standing at fish counter, holding a lobster)
"Okay, hold on now! So you're telling me you put these little guys in boiling water, and they shriek, and they turn red and they die?"
"Yes, sir."
"That is THE most metal thing I have ever heard in my whole life! High five!"
God bless, Dethklok!
"Life is too short to eat bad food."
"If PETA members were serious, they'd offer their own lives in exchange for a veal's. Who's got the barbecue sauce?"
"I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain just to eat only nuts and berries."
"Food is our common ground, a universal experience." ~James Beard
"I love Thanksgiving turkey. It's the only time in Los Angeles you see natural breasts." ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
"As viscous as motor oil swirled in a swamp, redolent of burnt bell peppers nested in by incontinent mice and a finish reminiscent of the dregs of a stale can of Coca-Cola that someone has been using as an ashtray. Not a bad drink, though." ~Wine Tasting by T. A. Nonymous
re: diablo
I don't know how many of Julia's quotes are in here but god love her.
Not sure if quotes on drinks are included but how about"
A woman once drove me to drive and I didn't have the decency to thank here.
- WC Fields
I drink champagne when I'm happy and when I'm sad. Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it - unless I'm thirsty. ~ Madame Lilly Bollinger
re: Spiritchaser
Winston Churchill:
Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
"Sir Winston Churchill once attended a dinner party in Virginia where wine and fried chicken were served. He asked the voluptuous hostess if he could have a piece of breast meat. She replied with her Southern drawl, Mr. Churchill, nice people don't use that word for that part of the anatomy. We say white meat.' The next day the hostess received a small box from a local florist. Inside was a beautiful corsage and a note from Churchill which read, I would be obliged if you would pin this corsage on your white meat."
Cooking is like love ~ it should be entered into with abandon, or not at all -Harriet Van Horne
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
Rules of Chocolate
1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly!
2. Chocolate covered raisins, orange slices, cherries, and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want!
3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
4. Diet tip: Eat chocolate before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
5. If calories are an issue, store yoru chocolate in the refrigerator. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
6. If I east equal amounts of dark and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.
8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
9. Q. Why is there no such organization as chocoholics anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.
10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
12. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it'll keep in the freezer. but if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
Sous Chef: "5 second rule";
Expediter: "but it's for a VIP!"
Sous Chef: "Alright 10 seconds." -(kitchen name witheld to protect the reputation)
"Good cooking, good eating, good loving; Quality gets ALL". Paul Prudhomme
re: SweetPhyl
There was a great English cook called Fanny Craddock who starred on a show with her husband Johnny who purported to be "helping" her but was actually drinking all the cooking sherry and getting pretty drunk. Once Fanny held up two huge potatoes saying "These are King Edward's" whereupon we heard Johnny's drunken voice in the background saying "They look more like King Kong's ....."
re: bronwen
from a tshirt i forgot i even had...
Friends don't let friends drink White Zinfandel!
Or as seen on a bumper sticker
Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks
From the (excellent) Posh Nosh:
"We make our own stock, but by all means buy stock cubes if you have no self-esteem"
1. On a greeting card given to me 15 years ago - drawing of a prim young Victorian woman at table, holding plate up and laciviously licking it clean.
Caption: "There is no love sincerer than the love of food."
George Bernard Shaw. that one's framed in my kitchen.
2. "If we weren't supposed to eat animals, why did God make them out of meat?" (unsure of provenance of that one.)
re: mariacarmen
Number 2--Mitch Hedberg I believe
re: Jeters
My husband recites that to me on occasion - very sexy! I have thought about having it made up as "wonderful graffiti" for our kitchen chalkboard.
re: Jeters
I enjoy the wit of the poem. I recall an episode of This American Life where they had the contributers write a verion of This Is Just To Say. Here is one of those:
This is just to say
I have cooked
the turkey
that was in
the fridge
and which
you were probably saving
for Thanksgiving dinner
Forgive me
it was big
so big
and so raw
Listen to that episode here: http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode...
re: DallasDude
I'm pretty sure that is a riff on a Yefteshenko (sp) poem...
It is a tad childish but I can't believe no one has used "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, I eat it."
Also, "You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish."
"Sex is like pizza, even when it's lousy it's still pretty good."
"That's a warning salvo to vegetarians everywhere."
A. Bourdain in Spain minutes before a pig was to be slaughtered.
"Pork fat rules!"
E. Legace (Say what you want, he's right)
"There are only three ingredients to this gastronomical train wreck."
A. Bourdain when describing poutine (Which he very much enjoyed I might add)
" You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. "
frank zappa
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Truth)
re: rfneid
Stephine Davis has a song called "Talkin' Harvest Time Blues". I will always remember the line "You have to take zucchini—we're related!"
A bit politically incorrect (it was 1700, after all), but, from Congreve's The Way of the World:
To drink is a Christian diversion
Unknown to the Turk or the Persian :
Let Mahometan fools,
Live by heathenish rules,
And be damn'd over teacups and coffee;
But let British lads sing,
Crown a health to the King.
And a fig for our Sultan and Sophy! [sophie = shah]
I just want to add that I do have a few goods friends who are muslim.
Also, apparently after he left the Catholic Church, Martin Luther was criticised by a fellow reformer for showing undue pleasure in food and drink. His reply was something like "Did not God create the trout that swims in the Rhine, and the grape that grows on its banks? Should I not then take pleasure in His labours?"
re: hungry_pangolin
Mordechai Richler's comment on Canadian wine (it's really improved since then) "There is just so much bad wine I can drink for my country."
And on the subject of Moslems, for years there was a restaurant near Columbus Circle in New York that advertised "Shish kebab fit for Allah." I could never pass this without wondering how a Moslem felt seeing that sign - perhaps how a Christian would feel if he saw a sign in, say, Damascus, saying "Hamburgers fit for Jesus Christ."
re: ekammin
I know of a Halal soul food restaurant in Harlem called
"Mookie's No Pork On My Fork"
re: Lemon Curry
On a bumper sticker on 6th street in the east village of NYC.
I love Allah...with ch added in front of Allah.
"Oh, domesticity! The wonder of dinner plates and cream pitchers. You know your friends by their ornaments. You want everything. If Mrs. A. has her mama's old jelly mold, you want one too, and everything else that goes with it -- the family, the tradition, the years of having jelly molded in it. We domestic sensualists live in a state of longing, no matter how comfortable our own places are. a passage from Jane Austin's " The Lone Pilgrim" is so much my favorite and describes the way I feel about my kitchen and things to the T.
"When the talk turns to eating, a subject of the greatest importance, only fools and sick men don't give it the attention it deserves." - Laura Esquivel
"to be enbalmed without being fed, makes a man feel distinctly dead"- Martial
I once absent-mindedly ordered three mile Island dressing in a restaurant and with great presence of mind, they brought thousand Island dressing and a bottle of chili sauce"- Terry Pratchett
I threw a dinner party for twelve and made gazpacho and risotto and tacos and osso buco and a gateau of jell-o with marshmallows and served it with a Barolo- Garrison Keeler
I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die: He told me my vinaigrette needed more vinegar. He was wrong about that. Dead wrong.- Garrison Keeler
Great restaurants are nothing more than mouth-brothels. There is no point in going to them if one intends to keep one's belt buckled.- Frederick Raphael
Heaven sends us good meat, but the devil sends us cooks.- David Garrick
Red meat isn't bad for you. Blue green meat- now THAT is bad for you!- Tommy Smothers
I went to a buffet shaped like an Ouija board- youthought about the food you wanted and the food came to you- Stephen Wright
My mom made two dishes: Take it or Leave it.- Stephen Wright
re: lunchbox
In a review of the book SERVICE INCLUDED in The New York Times Book Review (18 Nov.), Sean Wilsey wrote:
Refinement is a form of corruption. Sharpening the palate may well correspond to deeper deadening. Human organs of sense experience, cut free from anything but their own pleasure, catered to so scrupulously--how can it end in anything other than a spoiled, infantilized, ever-more-demanding state?
"I was at a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress heard me because she asked, 'How would you like your eggs?' So I tried to answer her anyway. I said, 'Incubated... And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun.... Damn, that's going to take a while. I don't have time.... Scrambled!'" - Mitch Hedberg
It's better seen and heard rather than read. It's at the end of this short video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V9SHd...
re: north2south
Another Hedberg gem:
"Pepperidge Farm bread... That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast."
"Pork-the other white meat"
Ezekiel 4:12, 15
And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man.
snicker snicker
The late, great Sam Kinison on solving world hunger:
"See this? This is sand. Nothing grows in sand. You live in the desert. MOVE TO THE FOOD!!"
From the Addams Family movie, regarding lemonade:
Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Girl Scout: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?
At a large banquet with my extended family, after many courses, my skinny cousin said, I'm full. My fat cousin replied, that's no reason to stop.
Don't forget the ever-acerbic Fran Lebowitz:
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
"If you're going to America, bring your own food."
"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."
"Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans."
"People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand that there must be a reason for this."
"Civilised adults do not take apple juice with dinner."
"Cold soup is a very tricky thing and it is the rare hostess who can carry it off. More often than not the dinner guest is left with the impression that had he only come a little earlier he could have gotten it while it was still hot."
"I went to the hospital for a blood transfusion and they gave me a wine list."
-- Dean Martin
re: Scrapironchef
On dumplings (the western kind not the asian kind)
"a good dumpling is the mark of a good cook. You'll appreciate this fact if you've ever had one by a bad cook"
Terry Prachett (via Nanny Ogg)
re: billieboy
On another facet of the same topic,
"Making love to her was like eating a peach with no pit."
which as I recall is from Toby Olson's novel "Utah", a wonderful book in general.
It's always fun seeing an old topic get dusted off...
"The body is like a finely tuned machine: If you don't put in enough oil, it breaks down."
--Julia Child
I don't know how he has been missed this whole thread, but how about Fernand Point quotes?
"Before judging a thin man, one must get some information. Perhaps he was once fat."
"I like to start off my day with a glass of Champagne. I like to wind it up with Champagne, too. To be frank, I also like a glass or two in between."
"Butter! Give me butter! Always butter!"
I was so happy to see this thread still going strong!
"Viva la Chow!", and let's keep 'em coming, you classy bunch of foodies, you!
To help us along - I offer another bon mot from Mr. O'Rourke:
"Wedding reception food, whether served at table or presented at a buffet, should be stuff that's easy to throw up."
re: Pigeage
Not exactly a quotation, but my favourite recipe from Mr. O'Rourke (from "Modern Manners" or "The Bachelor's Home Companion" not sure which):
A party food to be served at someone else's party:
"Soup Nagasaki: Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Put one unopened tin of Campbell's soup in the oven. Leave. 30 minutes later - Soup Nagasaki!"
re: KevinB
Oh, that's right up there with the roast chicken recipe I'd learned some years ago... Get a chicken, Stove Top stuffing mix, and 1 cup of unpopped popcorn. Prepare the stuffing mix by the package directions, adding the popcorn. Stuff the bird as usual. Roast the bird in a V-rack at 350 degrees. When the bird's ass blows off in about an hour, the fragments will be tender and juicy.
re: Pigeage
On the same somewhat unfortunate topic, there was a gentleman from Connecticut who owned a Mexican restaurant in Orange. For recreation, he did long distance ocean racing, single-handed sailing, not something most folks can or are willing to do. When asked with what he stocked his galley with for long deep-water crossings, he said, most emphatically, APRICOTS.
When asked why, the sailor explained, "Because they taste pretty much the same coming up as they do going down..."
To paraphrase from A Year In Provence:
The English love words, the French love food. The French have a hundred cheeses and argue about which one is best. The English have one cheese and argue about which fork to eat it with.
re: AngelSanctuary
Yes, well - he would know. ;-)
re: Pigeage
um, is that one of them pictured in your avatar?
"The proper union of gin and vermouth is a great and sudden glory; it is one of the happiest marriages on earth, and one of the shortest lived"
Bernard Devoto
re: bermudagourmetgoddess
"The cuter the critter, the sweeter the meat."
Also Uncle Ted.
"The old carabao likes the young grass!"
- A Filipino saying that is not really talking about food
re: mcsheridan
>>>>"Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade's gonna suck!" - Unknown<<<<
i love that one!
From Zagat "Outtakes"
1. If I want to be ignored, I can stay home with my family.
2. Anorexic portions at obese prices.
3. Only the flies on our table enjoyed the meal.
4. Take a look at the staff on the way in – that's the last you'll see of them.
5. Suffers from delusions of adequacy.
"Lobster the other white meat", The Maine Lobster Council
"You won't get drunk on another man's vodka" My grandfather
"The church is near, but the road is icy, the tavern is far, but I'll walk carefully." Grandfather in translation.
"Chicken today, feathers tomorrow" on the kitchen wall of my childhood home.
"Drinking lite beer is like making love w/ ones clothing on. What's the point?" Passadumkeg
"Life's too short to drink cheap beer" Wartstiener ad
"In heaven ther is no beer
That's why we drink it here..." Polka tune
"Red Neck White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer" C&W song
re: Passadumkeg
"The church is near, but the road is icy, the tavern is far, but I'll walk carefully." Grandfather in translation.
I've read that proverb before, it was in Spider Robinson's "Off the Wall at Callahan's" Now at least I know he wasnt making it up!
I used this one once when arguing that steps needed to be taken to prevent some remote possibility (I forgot what the remote possiblity was)
"It's a bit like biting into a mature bannana seed in a supermarket banana; while extremely unlikey, it is theoretically possible, and if it does happen you are going to be in far too much pain to appreciate how rare the occurence is."
"There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook & won't, that's a wife who can't cook & will." ~ Robert Frost
re: Scargod
destined to become a classic! {;^D.
re: Scargod
Can't believe she said that when you had a pointy sharp knife in your hand. ;-)
re: LindaWhit
Conversely LW, maybe the blade was dull. :-D
re: LindaWhit
I was young, perhaps just 20. At the time, I hadn't had many steaks. The waitress, twice my age, intimidated me and I struggled through it. I can't remember the knife, but it's likely it was pointed, unlike the huge, rounded-tipped knives of today. Jim Bowie would roll over in his grave if he could see the restaurant conversion of his knife into a emasculated, serrated steak knife...
re: Scargod
Cougar intimidation. Got it. ;-)
And I *hate* those massive steak knives you sometimes get with your steak now - especially serrated ones that shred the steak instead of cutting it properly.
re: LindaWhit
When I was 20 I didn't know what "Cougar" meant and barely knew the pleasure of a woman, old or young. I just had to go look Cougar up!
I was in the liquor store yesterday when a much younger woman engaged me and was oohing and awing over my big selection of wines. I could hardly disengage. What do you call that? I'm naive (Evian backwards)... does she have a cat name?
re: Scargod
LOL! I don't think "cougar" came into existence until fairly recently...but I could be mistaken.
As for the young lady in the liquor store? No cat name. Just a gold digger. (Your "big selection of wines"????? LOL!!)
"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
"I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables."
sign in restaurant: "Special Today - No Ice Cream"
English sign in German café: "Mothers - please wash your Hans before eating."
"The quality of food in a restaurant is inversely proportional to the number of signed celebrity photographs on the walls."
"Practice safe eating - always use condiments."
"Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work for McDonald's."
sign in restaurant: "Our tongue sandwiches speak for themselves."
all from joe-ks.com
re: alkapal
I love the first one from Steven Wright. :-)
Some more:
HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. (Anonymous)
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper. - Andy Rooney
I don't like gourmet cooking or "this" cooking or "that" cooking. I like good cooking. - James Beard
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. - George Carlin
re: LindaWhit
Lol I've been drinking Evian for years before someone made a comment about the water being naive and then I was like OH MY GOD!!
But seriously, I can TASTE a difference and I can't drink water if it's not from Evian.
re: AngelSanctuary
Someone once pointed out to me the flavor profile of Evian... rocks.
Angel, if you get into wine, go straight for Sauvignon Blanc, you'll love 'em! A really good one is like getting smacked in the face with a piece of wet slate. In a good way.
re: JK Grence the Cosmic Jester
"like getting smacked in the face with a piece of wet slate" Soaked in grapefruit juice? I think you've been drinking those French ones with too much "terroir"!
To me, all the New Zealand ones, and many from elsewhere, have a predominantly citrus note.
re: Scargod
I miss secondary malolactic fermentation, AKA "buttery" - Murphy Goode chardonnay (yes, chardonnay!!) is a good one of those.
re: alkapal
NYC's Ben's Deli marquee "We cure our own pastrami, our chicken soup cures everything else."
Not a quote. Sorry, but do you remember the Twilight Zone with the visitors from outer space who had this book with them whose title was finally translated-too late, incidentally-to keep earthlings from lining up to go up to their planet on their spaceships? It translated as either "To Serve Man" or " To Serve People". It was a cookbook.
re: Scargod
Which featured in my nightmares for several years after (caught me at an impressionable age).
re: chaz
Oh yeah, I remember that one! The title of the episode and the title of the cookbook were one and the same: To Serve Man
"Mr. Chambers! Don't get on that ship! The rest of the book, "To Serve Man", it's...it's a cookbook!"
Michael Chambers' last words on the subject: "How about you? You still on Earth, or on a ship with me? Well, it doesn't make very much difference because sooner or later, we'll all of us be on the menu. All of us."
re: mcsheridan
Bonus food reference, in the orginal short story, by Damon Knight, The Kanamit (the aliens) looked like pigs (not the big bulbous headed things in the Twilight Zone Episode)
Oh and the plant is Audrey Jr. (if you mean the orginal black and white movie) or Audrey II (if you mean the musical/Rick Moranis Movie)
re: jumpingmonk
Oh now, that makes the story priceless. Instead of man eating bacon...bacon eats man!
re: mcsheridan
There actually another Sci-fi story I read, that brought that concept home even more (sorry I forgot the title). It was about a group of aliens who come to earth and reveal that they seeded our planet with primitive human beings, for food purposes. We have since evloved to the point where they wish to now engage with us as social nad tecnological equals and provide us with all the benefits thier society has, in part as an apology and a seeking of forgivness for making cattle of our ancestors. However no matter what they do humanity never accepts them (there's even a Church of Darwin, to refute the aliens claim as blaspemy) finally the aliens give up saying as they leave that it is obvios that we will never understand what they have gone through until we have experianced it for ourles at the end of the story the narrator (who own a farm) walks into his farmous to find one of his pigs standing in his livingroom looking at his newspaper the pig then turns to him and says (in the last lines of the story) ""Seems like pork futures are up." And they were."
re: jumpingmonk
UPDATE: I found the story again it's "A Matter of Taste" by Esther M. Friesner.
re: jumpingmonk
Oh and minor edit it utrsn out the lastin line was "so they were" not "and they were". sorry about that
"Mel, kiss mah grits!
It's not elegant or enlightening, but it sure does bring back memories.
Norman Mailer in his run for th mayor of NYC in the 60's, not only wanted NYC to secede and become the 51st state ( for every federal tax dollar NYC generated it only got back $.42) but referred to the media ( I think it was the media, I only remember the quotation.) as "a bouillaibaisse of bourgois bullshit". What alliteration. What imagery. I love it.
re: ArizonaDave
It's been traced to Aussie comic Mikey Robins, but it's So reminiscent of John Pinette's sald riff:
"Salad's not food; salad comes WITH the food. Salad is a promissory note that food will soon arrive. If my brain sees a salad it says, something good is gonna happen soon; wait right here."
re: ArizonaDave
Referring to sushi, Let's go eat some bait.
re: Scargod
<translated from the french, with feeling> "oh mom, not horse, agaaaaaaiiiiin?!"
re: Scargod
Isn't that a universal American saying?
re: Sam Fujisaka
I suppose... We also used to say, "I'll wait on you like one pig waits on another!"
re: Scargod
Finally someone else who knows that expression. I had only ever heard it in my family, from my Dad, fount of WWII lingo and stock replies to many questions, not all printable, which are now known fondly as "Alphorisms" (his name was Alf). Thought perhaps it was a regional expression (Im from southwestern Ontario), come to think of it it might be of mess hall origin.
re: buttertart
oh, that expression i knew in my southern upbringing, too.
My four favorites are:
Bottled v Tap
Besides, I'm blessed with a palate that can barely distinguish between tap water and bottled.
-- evergene, ba.food, 4/1/09
Life's Journey
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in an attractive and well-preserved body. Rather one should skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out while screaming 'WOO HOO! What a ride!'"
-- Anonymous
"We're decaf drinkers, and most restaurant decaf is like hot water with a brown crayon dipped in it. This coffee was no different."
Tim Dietz, sdnet.eats, 1140, 6/3/03
"Grits are akin to Elmer's Paste with less flavor and more sand."
re: The Ranger
OK with everything but the grits reference. NOT like sand at all! Doctor it up and you mask the glue part. If done properly (with best ingredients), it does not resemble glue and should be treated with respect like good rice.
re: Scargod
Grits are an atrocity committed by Rebs against Yankees. The Yankee "retaliation" is Malto-Meal. :)
re: The Ranger
Waaahhh! ;<,( I like both!
re: The Ranger
Re: bad coffee, Ani DiFranco had a line I always liked: "The coffee was just water dressed in brown."
re: meg944
This coffee tastes like mud.
Well it was fresh ground this morning.
re: phantomdoc
<ark ark ark!!>
Not exactly food quotes but related...
"Beware of meat twice boiled, and an old foe reconciled."
Benjamin Franklin
"The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before."
F. Scott Fitzgerald
"If I were reincarnated, I'd want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him or envies him or wants him or needs him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything." William Faulkner
"Never met a beer I didn't like." Will Rogers?
"Drinking lite beer is like making love w/ your clothes on. What's the point?" Dumb Keg
re: Passadumkeg
Or my grandfather's: "There's no bad beer, just some beer tastes better than others."
re: buttertart
"In Heaven there is no beer,
That's why we drink it here
And when we're gone from here
Our friends will be drinking all the beer!
More beer!" Polish polka
Red Neck, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer old C&W song
I like Beer by Tom T. Hall
re: Passadumkeg
For you, buddy, a haiku-esque limerick
Kim chee and beer
Kalbi on the sear
Hang with my son
Again as one
Family so dear
re: Sam Fujisaka
The Dumkegs that drink so ju together
Can become quite ju-ish
With out worrying about
Being kosher!
re: Passadumkeg
What're we doing limericking here rather than on the limerick thread?
re: Sam Fujisaka
two reasons:
1. beer
2. so ju
(or the alternative explanation: you think you have the "best, funniest, wittiest" quotes).
re: alkapal
The limerick thread is great! Also check out the one I started for putting food lyrics to favorite tunes -
Some truly great, funny stuff there, too.
re: Passadumkeg
You two should have some Colorado Kool-Aid, courtesy of Johnny Paycheck--Poppy had the cassette back in the 70s:
This is still funny--I hadn't heard it in years! "Ain't that right, big man?"
re: kattyeyes
Hey Connecticut Cow Girl, pick up trucks are also called Cowboy Cadillacs.
Here are 2 of my faves: Red Necks White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer
Pop a Top Again
And oh yes! Tom T Hall, I Like Beer!
On the other hand we have just returned from hiking to a mountain top buddist temple and drinking tea w/ a wonderful monk.
re: Passadumkeg
Game on, so ju soldier--lots of fun drinking songs:
If you drink, don't drive, do the "Watermelon Crawl" (Tracy Byrd):
"One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" (George Thorogood):
Then again, if you don't have a designated driver, you might as well go for a soda (Kim Mitchell):
Going for tea with a monk on a mountaintop is even better!
after finding hilda had marked his gin bottle, rumpole exclaims, "an englishman's gin bottle is his castle!"
-- Rumpole and the Married Lady
An old Mad Magazine cartoon strip:
A New York City street scene. Every place on the block is a pizza parlor with a sign.
The first has a sign proclaiming "Best Pizza on the East Side!"
The second says "Best Pizza in the City!"
The third says "Best Pizza in the World!"
The last one says "Best Pizza on the Block."
maybe this has been mentioned already:
"How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese?"
Charles De Gaulle
re: rcspott
Which reminds me of a toast I learned from a Englishman many years ago: "Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends."
re: thos
Ugh, I hate that quote, about as witty as, "Haw haw haw! Sushi ain't food fer people, it's bait!" Plus it ignores hundreds if not thousands of years of fish preparation by humans without the use of fire: drying, citrus marinating, salt curing.
Recipe for German chocolate cake. Start with two Germans.
Vegetarian chopped liver..Take the livers of two vegetarians.
A hoooker says to Jackie Mason..Are you ready for Super Sex? Ill have the soup.
Customer asks waitress..Do you serve crabs? Waitress says Sit down we serve anyone.
Seen on a t-shirt in a store in New Orleans this past weekend: Spooning leads to forking.
re: lillidalla
Another New Orleans t-shirt:
I shot the shallot, but I did not shoot the broccoli.
You'd be surprised how many people do not get it.
re: rockycat
LOL...that is funny...then sad at the same time (about the not getting it part!).
re: rockycat
here it is: http://www.wearablevegetables.com/ite....
i'm waiting for weird al's rendition. i still can't think of the song "beat it" without singing "EAT IT....EAT IT" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyfcOr...
re: alkapal
The laughs continue! "Upload these 100% Soft Cotton T's on your body for a fresh new feeling." Wait, no, that's like Engrish. :)
Right there with you as usual, alkasis, on the Weird Al connection.
re: alkapal
re: alkapal
I had trouble with the edit function. What I wanted to say was that having Beat It remind you of Eat It, Eat It was proof that your inner Chowhound was showing. Nothing to be ashamed of at all...
re: Tripeler
LOL! but "ashamed"? pish posh, tripeler, nothing could be further from the truth: i revel in it. ;-). my inner chowhound has met and approved of my outer chowhound. we all get along fine! ***
*** although, to be utterly frank and transparent (the hypocrisy du jour), my outer chowhound has been getting considerable grief from the inner chowhound about excess consumption of lay's wavy potato chips with heluva good onion dip.
re: alkapal
I also have the "Shiitake Happens" t-shirt and boy, does that one ever get the strangest looks. The best response I've ever had, though, was the day that the local TV news wanted to interview me while I happened to be wearing that shirt. I was asked to go into the news van and turn my shirt inside-out before being allowed on air. I was caught somewhere between miffed and bemused.
re: alkapal
Or Bad.
re: rockycat
Crap, I don't get it, other than it's a riff on "I shot the sheriff." Is there something else??
re: mrsdebdav
That's it. :-)
re: rockycat
ahahahahaha love this! just made that my status on FB.
re: Parigi
Here's one from alt.food.barbeque, "Our butcher was so good at reducing waste from animals, the only thing he couldn't recycle was the squeal from a pig and the moo from cows."
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
" - J.R.R. Tolkien
I have 2 favorites:
MMMMM, Floor Pie-Homer SImpson
Would one of you old queens, get this old Queen, a gin & Tonic? -The Queen Mum, to her butllers.
From the US Navy we get:
They say that in the Navy
The coffee's mighty fine
Looks like muddy water
and tastes like turpintine
They say that in the Navy
The chicken's mighty fine
One jumped up on the table
Started doin' double time
They say that in the Navy
The fish is mighty fine
one flopped up off table
and killed a friend of mine
They say that in the Navy
The gravy's mighty fine
They spread it on old shingles
and serve it on the line.
Chorus after every line:
Oh lord I wanna go-oh
But they won't let me go-oh
Oh woe ho-o-o-oh Hey!
re: mandycat
'A meal without cheese is like a man without a mustache" Brillat-Savarin
'A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman with one eye' Brillat-Savarin
re: Delucacheesemonger
"A day without wine is like a day without sunshine."
(Which may explain why the French like Jerry Lewis so much.)
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." – Redd Foxx
"I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died." – Roy G. Blount, Jr.
"Fish, to taste right, must swim three times – in water, in butter, and in wine." – Polish proverb
"Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside." – Mark Twain
re: elegraph
all four of these are great.
re: rcspott
Très off-topic:
I did have one of those at BV in SF. Don't remember how many I had, had at least one. It was the only warm night ever in my memory of SF where I grew up. Has anyone heard of a warm SF night? We had an Irish coffee then took a long walk on the beach on that unbelievable balmy night...
re: Parigi
May 12, 1978, it was in the 80s in SF at night. I remember because we were having an anniversary dinner at le Castel and I was hotter than hell in my evening tenue.
re: buttertart
Pas vrai !
Actually sounds about right.
re: Parigi
Mais si! I remember it well. Good dinner, too!
we found it funny in an episode of midsomer murders, where the wife of a wealthy, but philandering, famous author answers him.
(wife is pouring herself a drink first thing in the morning, as her husband is at the kitchen table)
husband: "isn't a bit early for that?"
wife: "why? i'm awake."
re: alkapal
Love it. Reminiscent of my father's "Port Franks orange juice" - vodka and, while at the summer cottage, before noon, when as we all know the sun's over the yardarm and so regular drinking is okeydokey.
re: buttertart
That reminds me of something I remember a flavor chemist one saying, Someone once asked him if it would ever be possible to make a " fresh baked artisinal bread" flavor . He repiled that it was hard to tell given the number of chemicals that make up a fresh bake loaf's aroma and taste. he concuded with the line "Besides, given the nature of the market if anyone ever did need a "bread" flavor, they wouln'd want a "fresh baked artsinal loaf" flavor, they'd want it to taste like Wonderbread"
re: jumpingmonk
Maybe nowadays the artisanal bread flavor would be at least bigger on the market - I was just in Paris for the first time in 4 years and was amused to see the bakeries that used to just have "boulanger" on their signs now have "artisan boulanger", "pain artisanal" etc.
re: buttertart
OMG, yes, I saw that episode, too. Great line! So applicable to that particular episode.
re: Robin Joy
I drink to your health when I'm with you
I drink to your health when alone
I drink to your health so g*****n much
I'm about to lose my own.
Don't know the origin, but have always thought it funny.
re: waistedinkerrville
Different people have different opinions
Some like apples and some like 'inions
-Old British Aphorism
re: jumpingmonk
Something some of the more intemperate posters here might recite to themselves before taking vitriolic issue on matters of taste.
When we drink we get drunk
When we are drunk we fall asleep
When we are alseep we commit no sins
When we commit no sins we go to heaven
So lets all get drunk and go to heaven
re: miranda0
So true!
'It isn't what you want, it's what you get that makes you fat" - Dear old Dad.
My folks were the children of Mo. dirt farmers and this was said a lot in our house. As a child I hated it because it insinuated that while I may get something it probably wouldn't be what I would choose!
As an adult, I read some of the slave narratives from the federal writers project in the early 20th century. One of the slaves was quoted as saying:
"It ain't what you want, but what you get that makes your belly pooch out". I have wondered since then if the saying originally was about unwanted pregnancy?
re: weewah
Could be, but malnutrition and intestinal parasites also lead to distended bellies.
re: Sam Fujisaka
Well!! That is a very astute observation!
Old thread, but I just ran across this and didn't want to start a whole new thread to share it:
"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."


text:
I wish I could do this forever, I love all forms of dance & if it was up to me I would never stop dancing!!!!!!
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
Book your room at Hotel Laffayette
Standard RoomMax Occupancy: 4 guests (up to 3 children, 2 infants)
Hotel with an outdoor pool, in Guadalajara (Greater Guadalajara)
This hotel is located in Guadalajara (Greater Guadalajara), close to United States Consulate Guadalajara, University of Guadalajara Assembly Hall, and Metropolitan Cathedral. Also nearby are Plaza de Armas and Monumento a los Ninos Heroes.
Hotel Features
In addition to a restaurant, Hotel Laffayette features an outdoor pool. Other amenities include a bar/lounge and complimentary wireless Internet access.
Room Amenities
Televisions come with cable channels. Guestrooms also feature complimentary wireless Internet access, air conditioning, and hair dryers.Information missing or incorrect? Tell us!
Hotel Laffayette
Hotel Amenities
The hotel offers a restaurant. A bar/lounge is on site where guests can unwind with a drink. High-speed wireless Internet access is complimentary. 2 meeting rooms are available. A shuttle from the hotel to the airport is complimentary to guests (available 24 hours). This Guadalajara hotel also offers an outdoor pool, room service (during limited hours), and an elevator (lift).
- Bar/lounge
- Meeting rooms
- Number of meeting rooms - 2
- Airport transportation - drop-off (complimentary)
- 24-hour front desk
- Total number of rooms - 184
- Number of floors - 17
- Elevator/lift
- Free Wi-Fi
- Restaurant
- Number of buildings/towers - 1
- Outdoor pool
Available in all rooms: Free Wi-Fi
Available in some public areas: Free Wi-Fi
Room Amenities
- Television
- Free local calls
- Air conditioning
- Phone
- Hair dryer
- Cable TV service
- Free Wi-Fi
- Room service (limited hours)
Where to Eat
Hotel Laffayette has a restaurant serving breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Room service (during limited hours) is available.
Hotel Policies
Check-in time starts at 3 PM
Check-out time is 1 PM
Payment types
You need to know
Extra-person charges may apply and vary depending on hotel policy.
Government-issued photo identification and a credit card or cash deposit are required at check-in for incidental charges.
Special requests are subject to availability upon check-in and may incur additional charges. Special requests cannot be guaranteed.
No pets or service animals allowed
We should mention
No pets and no service animals are allowed at this property.


text:
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Heringsdorf, Germany
Eichenweg 4-5, 17424 Heringsdorf, Germany – Show map
Excellent location – rated 9.5/10! (score from 699 reviews)
Rated by guests after their stay at Upstalsboom Hotel Ostseestrand.
|Room Type
|Triple Room
|Double Room for Allergy Sufferers
|Comfort Single Room
|Comfort Double Room
|Superior Double Room
|Executive Double Room
|Junior Suite
|Maisonette Suite
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49 properties in Heringsdorf
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700 verified reviews
We verify all reviews from guests who have stayed at Upstalsboom Hotel Ostseestrand. Find out more.
They speak your language!
Upstalsboom Hotel Ostseestrand's staff speaks: English, German
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When you book with us your details are protected by a secure connection.
BBQ Facilities, Terrace
Hiking, Cycling, Sauna, Fitness Center, Spa, Massage, Turkish/Steam Bath, Indoor Pool (all year), Beachfront, Bicycle Rental, Library
Food & Drink
Restaurant, Bar, Breakfast in the Room, Restaurant with Dining Menu, Special Diet Meals (upon request)
Wireless Internet Hotspot is available in all areas and is free of charge.
Private parking is available at a location nearby (reservation is not needed) and costs EUR 8 per day.
Private parking is available on site (reservation is needed) and costs EUR 12 per day.
Room Service, Packed Lunches, Shuttle Service (surcharge), Airport Shuttle (surcharge), 24-Hour Front Desk, Tour Desk, Baggage Storage, Laundry, Dry Cleaning, Ironing Service, Shoeshine, Meeting/Banquet Facilities
Newspapers, Safe, Non-smoking Rooms, Elevator, Heating, Hypoallergenic room available, All Spaces Non-Smoking (public and private)
English, German
From 3:00 PM
Until 12:00 PM
Cancellation and prepayment policies vary according to room type. Please enter the dates of your stay and check what conditions apply to your preferred room.
Children and Extra Beds
All children are welcome.
All children under 4 years stay free of charge in a crib.
One child from 4 to 14 years is charged EUR 40 per person per night in an extra bed.
One older child or adult is charged EUR 50 per person per night in an extra bed.
The maximum number of extra beds/cribs in a room is 1.
Additional fees are not calculated automatically in the total cost and will have to be paid for separately during your stay.
Pets are not allowed.
Cards accepted at this property
Hover over the cards for more info.
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Seetel Romantik Hotel Esplanade
This 4-star hotel stands right on the sandy Heringsdorf Beach, on the Baltic Sea island of Usedom. It features a modern spa, a heated outdoor saltwater pool and a Wi-Fi.
Score from 297 reviews Excellent
Seetel Ostseeresidenz HeringsdorfLocated in the seaside resort of Heringsdorf on the island of Usedom, these 4-star vacation apartments offer tasteful accommodations close to the beach and the Seebrücke Heringsdorf pier.
Score from 267 reviews Very good
Located on Heringsdorf's beach promenade on the island of Usedom, this hotel offers a large spa with indoor and outdoor pools, 2 restaurants and grounds with sea views.
Score from 363 reviews Very good
Strandhotel Ostseeblick is located on the Baltic Sea island of Usedom, just steps from a sandy beach. It features large rooms and apartments, a spa, and an award-winning restaurant.
Score from 136 reviews Excellent
excellent breakfast
the hotel doesn't have an outdoor swimming pool
Location is great.service very good.
Some rooms have not a good view.mattresses in some rooms could improve
Value for money. High standard, perfect location, excellent service, very good breakfast
The room was very clean, modern and comfortable. The bathroom was fully renovated, which was very nice! The spa was also clean, modern and there were lots of options. Location.The was really perfect, right next to the beach.
Some of the staff were a bit rude. I would have expected better customer service. Also, you had to pay 8 euros a night for parking, not ideal.
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text:
7:30am Friday 6th June 2014
WANTAGE Town's step up to the Calor League next season has been boosted by news that striker Richard Claydon has decided to stay at the club.
Claydon has been leading scorer in each of his five years at the club, netting an incredible 139 goals in 189 games.
Tom Melledew, Jimmy Deabill and Stuart Cattell have also signed new contracts.
5:30pm Thursday 27th November 2014
JUNIOR Brown agreed a loan move away from Oxford United minutes before the loan window closed this afternoon.
3:10pm Thursday 27th November 2014
OXFORD United have sealed their second signing of the day after agreeing a deal with Bristol City for Wes Burns.
12:00pm Thursday 27th November 2014
Have a look around our interactive back page today...
10:00am Thursday 27th November 2014
OXFORD United have signed John Campbell on a short-term deal until the end of the season.
9:20am Thursday 27th November 2014
DIDCOT'S Commonwealth Games medallists, Dan Rivers and Ben Watson, are thrilled at their nominations for Oxfordshire Sportsman of the Year, writes MATTHEW BRUCE.
9:00am Thursday 27th November 2014
CRICKETER Jack Brooks is hoping it will be third time lucky at the Oxfordshire Sports Awards tomorrow, writes MATTHEW BRUCE.
8:50am Thursday 27th November 2014
JACK Brooks will stick to what has made him a county cricket star as he attempts to impress national selectors while on England Lions duty this winter.
8:00am Thursday 27th November 2014
OXFORD City's men led the club's successful venture to the Berks, Bucks & Oxon Cross Country Championships at Upton Court Park, Slough.
8:00am Thursday 27th November 2014
Chipping Norton-based jockey Kielan Woods was overjoyed after notching the biggest success of his career on runaway winner Croco Bay at Ascot.
8:00am Thursday 27th November 2014
Oxford City Stars put up brave resistance before Milton Keynes Thunder's third-period blast sent them reeling to a 4-1 defeat in South Division 1.
© Copyright 2001-2014 Newsquest Media Group


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text:
Italian activist injured by IDF fire in West Bank demonstration, Palestinian media says
Liberman proposes using monetary incentives for Israeli Arabs to move to future Palestinian state
Possible stabbing attack thwarted: Palestinian girl with knife arrested in Hebron
IDF's chief rabbi: Temple Mount is of no religious significance to Islam
Israel slams Ankara: This is no way for a NATO state to act
Eizenkot to be named IDF Chief of Staff
Majority expected to support bill dispersing Knesset
A graveside battle over Ben Gurion's legacy
With government's fate uncertain, Netanyahu seeks commitment from haredim for next coalition
Slight reduction in HIV in Israel in 2013
*RX For Readers: Itchy-eyed in autumn*
Infant mortality rates higher in Arab population
Smartphones are keeping your children awake
Tech Talk: The best keyboard apps available for smartphones
Elbit Systems developing bus with supercapacitator fast-charging system
Zion Tech: Israeli start up Dogiz helps dogs and owners socialize
Zion Tech: Our Israeli start-up of the week aims to make air pollution visible
Grapevine: Remembering Rothschild
The Lion's share
Get your gobble on: Thanksgiving in Tel Aviv
5th annual Hullegeb Festival celebrates Ethiopian culture
Pressure building at Mac TA after setback in Kiryat Shmona
CSKA crushes yellow-and-blue in Tel Aviv
Maccabi Tel Aviv on a roll as unbeaten CSKA comes to town
Another back-breaking loss for Jerusalem
Thanksgiving for lone soldiers: Serving to Turkey to those who serve Israel
Soccer bigwig named as suspect who ran over police officer, fled scene nude
South African Jewish leaders fete Abbas in Pretoria
Birthright Israel cuts ties with New Israel Fund
Iranian Jews gather in Yazd for rituals
Orthodox leaders condemn US rabbi for anti-Arab rhetoric
US haredim seek to share kollels' 'burden'
Syria says US-led strikes have not weakened Islamic State
In troubled Mideast where Christian populations are shrinking, Pope calls for interfaith dialogue
Syria denies targeting civilians, tells US better to criticize ISIS
Turkey establishing industrial zone in West Bank
Analysis: Middle Eastern states struggle to maintain current order and control of territory
Three Egyptian security forces killed in Sinai
Into the fray: The Arabs' war against the Jews (cont.): Root causes & red herrings
There's no need for a 'Jewish state' law
Column one: The storm over the teacup
My word: Keep your eyes on the road
Why no deal with Iran is actually a bad deal
Wishful doing
Cinema of reconciliation
On the volcano's edge
Knowledge, power and abuse
Arrivals: With a twinkle in her eye
Book Review: A gladiator in the study hall
Book Review: Disbelieving of his own survival
Hot off the Arab press
Grapevine: The history of Hansen Hospital
Less rioting, but more transportation delays
This week in Jerusalem
Taking Shape
Blogging sensation
Wading Through Widowhood: A museum by moonlight
Grapevine: Tel Aviv baby boom
Obama: Helping terror go nuclear
On incitement, lots of talk but little action
To finally look behind the news
Recognizing Palestine – anomalies and ambiguities
A song for Kislev: 'Sea of Sheaves'
שְתִיקָתוֹ שֶל בָּרוּך
שָרִים מִקוֹל הַלֵב
Speaking up
An expanding city
Queen Esther's 'hijos'
Meet the ambassador: Flying high
YouTube recycling video goes viral in Israel
Tradition Today: The blessing of daughters
Parshat Vayetze: The power and pain of love
Like a breath of fresh air
Pourquoi une loi sur l'Etat-nation?
Pour ou contre des élections anticipées?
Une horreur injustifiable
Une brèche dans la démocratie
Une petite fille juive du nord de Londres
Rétrospective en noir et blanc pour la ville d'Or
L'unité : notre seule planche de salut
Daniel Oren, maestro d'Israël, d'Italie et d'ailleurs !
Arad n'a pas encore jeté l'éponge
Le pot de chocolat liégeois par qui le scandale arrive
Le dernier kibboutz
La course aux étoiles
De Maxime Hauchard à Abou Abdallah Al-Faransi, itinéraire d'un Français parti faire le Djihad
On n'invite pas un pyromane à éteindre un incendie
Tuer l'EI dans l'œuf
Le mont du Temple et la guerre sainte de l'islam
L'Occident et l'Iran jouent les prolongations
La liste des organisations terroristes qui dérange
Les « Israéliens » de Kampala
Les attentats du lundi 10 novembre vus par la presse française
Netanyahou s'adresse à la communauté francophone
Christian priest speaks out strongly in favor of Jewish state law
Hispanic Evangelicals among Israel's greatest supporters
Christians United for Israel Chairman John Hagee says Obama is anti-Semitic
Temple Mount: Common ground between Jews and Christians
Pope Francis condemns Palestinian violence
Exploring Our Heritage
Holocaust Survivors See the Negev with KKL-JNF
KKL Belgium Donates Portable Bomb Shelter to Kiryat Gat
KKL-JNF Awards 2014 Blumberg Prize
Israel and Finland Connect through the Environment
KKL-JNF Experts Visit China for Future Environmental Collaborations
Mexican Politician and Business Leader Miguel Aleman Velasco Visits KKL-JNF in Jerusalem
International Conference in Sde Boker: Combating Desertification Together
In his Footsteps: Heritage Excursions in Memory of Yitzhak Rabin
Cleanup Day Activities in Central Israel
International Cleanup Day: Cleaning Together in Northern Israel
KKL-JNF's Eyes in the Forest - The Horshim Forest Green Patrol
Israel Today and Tomorrow: KKL France Mission Visits Israel
Start-up Israel: KKL Italy November Mission Learns about Israel's Past and Future
KKL-JNF and Desert Agriculture Latin American Diplomats visit the Negev
A Successful Annual Fundraising Event for KKL Milan
Living Green in Israel: the Contest and the Winners
Addressing Climate Change Conference
Nurturing the Foresters of the Future
Saving the Sabras
11.29.2014 | 7 Kislev, 5775
Your Investments: The secret to long-term portfolio growth
Histadrut set to hold general strike December 7 as minimum wage talks stall
Lapid slams Likud for blocking budget
El Al profit falls 82% in 3rd quarter due to Protective Edge
Histadrut turns up heat on minimum wage debate
Cyber Monday? Hurry and click before the price changes
No bull? Burger Ranch may shutter in reported Burger King deal
'Sharp minimum wage hike will spur unemployment'
Alternative housing plans advance, even as 0 VAT stumbles
Erdan approves postal service reform on last day on the job
Histadrut moves toward strike over minimum wage
Your Taxes: Pool cars learn to float
Business News
07/19/2012 07:39
Steinitz speaks at Caesarea conference 370.
(photo credit:Yossi Zamir)
The Kedmi Committee submitted its final report on the food industry Wednesday,
recommending that the state restrict the market share of leading suppliers and
retailers, reduce customs duties and increase consumer protection.The
committee published a preview of its conclusions on the supply and retail
sectors last month. At the time, it received criticism from Knesset Finance
Committee members and industry groups, who argued that the report's conclusions
could lead to mass layoffs without achieving its stated goal of reducing
prices.Industry, Trade and Labor Minister Shalom Simhon and Finance
Minister Yuval Steinitz said Wednesday the measures proposed in the final report
would lead to a reduction in food prices. Simhon called it the most
comprehensive work ever conducted by the Israeli food industry. The government
would decide in the coming days whether to accept the whole report or most of
it, he said.Sharon Kedmi, who was appointed to head the committee after
it was established in response to a consumer revolt over dairy prices last year,
said high prices were the consequence of a number of market failures. He warned
that there was no magic solution to reducing food prices, and only the
implementation of the report "in its entirety" would strengthen
competition.The report recommended imposing a 40 percent to 100%
reduction on import duties on food products for which no competition exists in
Israel, lowering duties on agricultural products for which current rates are
excessively high (such as fresh beef) and reducing duties on packaged goods such
as tuna and fruit juice.On the consumer front, the report recommended a
series of measures including: strengthening enforcement of consumer laws;
increasing the powers of the head of the Consumer Protection Authority and
transferring to it some of the duties of the Industry, Trade and Labor Ministry;
and regularly publishing comparisons between the price of imported food products
in Israel and the rest of the world.Just as it did in its initial
report, the committee proposed regulating supplier- retailer relations through
prohibiting suppliers from purchasing shelf space, placing salespeople inside
stores, obtaining exclusivity to sell specific products or to offer exclusive
discounts and signing agreements that fix a minimum price or guarantee them a
minimum market share.It proposed dealing with over-concentration in the
supply sector by removing barriers to market entry.For the retail
sector, it recommended increasing the number of competitors though a series of
measures including: reducing regulatory barriers to opening new supermarkets in
regions already suffering from high concentration; restricting the leading
retailers from increasing their market share by preventing them from expanding
their outlets; tightening state control over property agreements involving
retailers; and encouraging online and local retailers.In a separate
chapter on the dairy industry produced by a subcommittee, the report recommended
gradually lowering the target price, the amount a dairy-herd owner gets for a
liter of milk at the gate, by 15% over the next eight years. It proposed handing
out incentives to convince inefficient dairy manufacturers to exit the
industry.The Israeli Cattle Breeders Association slammed the report,
accusing Simhon of worrying about his political survival at the expense of
familyowned dairy farms in the periphery.ICBA chairman Ya'acov Bachar
said: "Even though it has been proven in the past that there is no connection
whatsoever between the cost of milk to the consumer and the payment made to
dairy farmers for producing milk, and even though the target price has not risen
since January 2008 and still stands at NIS 2.09 per liter, Minister Simhon
continues on the path toward the elimination of the Israeli dairy farm and the
elimination of livelihood in the periphery."
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Intro-Tech Sisal Floor Mats 311-2F-DD-103F
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text: We had heard about this place before we went. We were curious about it, but after reading the reviews decided not to go because we were traveling with kids. On the last day of our vacation, we drove to lake after lake unable to get down to the beach because the water was so low at the end of the... More


text:
So sorry to hear this.
Sending prayers and positive thoughts for you and your dad.
(((Empress, dad, and family)))
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; theyll scratch you up time and time again but in the end youre polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
Sending you guys strength. You know you will be in my prayers.
Is it bleeding diverticula?
I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺
PJ you beat me to the punch.
That's a lot of blood to get.
Hope things are better today.
(((and strength, and healing))))
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.
((((((NIK, Dad and family)))))))
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
you all are in my thoughts and prayers.
Roughly 10 years ago suffered a near-fatal pulmonary embolism. He was placed on blood thinners at that point. About 3 years ago his cancer was diagnosed. The mass on his kidney causes a significant amount of bleeding and has impacted his kidney function to the point where he's in congestive heart failure as well. As the bleeding became problematic, Dad made the decision (after consulting with several doctors) to wean off the blood thinners. A clot could show up again and throw a wrench into things, but the immediate concern of the bleeding was the bigger issue.
His hemoglobin has been monitored with weekly blood draws and maintained as needed with blood transfusions. When all this started, he would only need a transfusion every month or so, and usually a unit or two would bring his numbers up to reasonable levels. For the past year, however, the mass has been growing, the bleeding has increased, and he's needed weekly transfusions. He usually gets 2-3 units, but on a few occasions, he's needed 4. There's terrible edema after the transfusions, and he has had issues with the skin on his legs breaking down and sometimes developing infections. So that's the back story.
When I saw him on Friday and Saturday (after he had received the 6 units on Thursday), he was exhausted, but ok. By Saturday night he was not responding to staff, so they transported him to the hospital, where they discovered he had another infection, and his hemoglobin was very low again - around 8. They started him on IV antibiotics and gave him another 3 units of blood yesterday. That's 9 units in 4 days.
He was not himself when we saw him yesterday. Confused about who we were, told us the nurses were trying to scam him out of his medicines, and told the woman setting up his transfusion that he was expecting his wife shortly.
We know that given the delicate balance of all his conditions, it would not take much to tip him into an unrecoverable spiral. We're waiting for an update on his conditions after this morning's rounds and tests.
Thank you again for all the support and mojo. You guys are the best.
"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana
(((NIK and family)))
There's terrible edema after the transfusions, and he has had issues with the skin on his legs breaking down and sometimes developing infections.
I hope your dad shows some improvement today. I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts.


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text:
Classic Cops of the Day
Date: September 8, 2011
by: The Observer Staff
March 20, 2009
Animal cruelty
10 p.m. — 6700 block of 99th Street East. Criminal mischief. The complainant reported her concrete lions had been pushed onto their sides and one of them had been broken in half. This is not the first time this has occurred.
Currently 0 Responses
- Nov
26 Thanksgiving Eve Service-Traditional Service
7:00 pm - 6:00 am
- Dec
3 Advent Study
7:00 pm - 8:30 pm
- Dec
6 17th Annual Jingle & Jog Road Race and 1 Mile Fun Walk
8:00 am
- Dec
6 Manatee Aubuon - OPEN HOUSE at Felts Audubon Preserve
8:00 am - 11:00 am
Puppy paradise
Com has found a home!
Money man
Lakewood Ranch Town Hall's Finance Director Steve Zielinski is the community's money man, and he's got the cufflinks to prove it.
Observer on the hunt for displays
We're making our list of the best holiday lights displays in East County and checking it twice.