text:
Earlier today, Google expanded its Play Movies and TV streaming service to an additional eight new countries — Bosnia-Herzegovina, Cyprus, Hungary, Iceland, Macedonia, Malta, Slovenia and Taiwan. However, there have been some reports suggesting that the service is not yet live in all the above locations.
Pocket for Android gets Material Design update and Google Now integration
Pocket, previously entitled Read It Later, is currently pushing out a much-anticipated compatibility update for its official Android application via the Play Store. In terms of added functionality, this upgrade brings a completely revamped user interface that conforms with Lollipop's Material Design guidelines, adds support for Google Now and transports a handful of bug fixes and speed optimizations.
NVIDIA Shield Tablet set to receive Lollipop update before the end of November
Just over two weeks ago, NVIDIA announced that its Shield Tablet would be one of the first devices on the market to receive the much-anticipated Lollipop update. Earlier today, the Californian company took to its official YouTube page to share a video of the new operating system in action on the 7-inch slate, and declared it would start rolling out the over-the-air upgrade before the end of this month.
Hit the break below to view the full demo video.
YouTube for Android TV listed in Google Play Store
Amongst all the excitement this week over the release of the Nexus 9 tablet from Google, there is another device that should start landing in consumers' homes soon. Android TV is Google latest effort to break into the set top box market after their Google TV effort failed and the Nexus Player is the first entrant for this new platform. Unfortunately, the Google Play Store lists shipping as 2-3 weeks away for new orders. Despite that delay, Google is working to streamline the process for apps intended for the platform to get approval for distribution. One app that is now ready and available in the Google Play Store is the company's own video platform, YouTube.
Read more
Nest Thermostats getting software update this week
Nest has announced that they will be pushing out an update to Nest Thermostat devices this week that includes some new and improved features. Nest says the Auto-Schedule function has been enhanced to learn new schedules and more quickly adapt to new heating and cooling patterns. The Nest Auto-Schedule feature has been one of the device's key components and an important factor for the company in making an easy to use, "learning" device available for consumers. The feature works by remembering changes a user makes to temperatures and then creating a schedule on the fly from that since their research shows setting thermostat schedules tends to be too much of a chore for most users. Nest says the improvements to Auto-Schedule will help consumers save up to 6% on utility bills.
Read more
LTE version of Nexus 9 shows up in FCC filing
Yesterday was the official launch day for the latest Google tablet, the Nexus 9. Buyers have been able to place orders through a variety of sources like the Google Play store or Amazon and they can even go down to a Best Buy store to pick one up and avoid the wait for shipping. Common to all of these early purchases though is that they are all for WiFi-only versions of the tablet. That could change soon as an FCC filing has surfaced for an HTC tablet device, presumably the Nexus 9, that includes LTE capabilities.
The FCC filing indicates the tablet device supports LTE bands 2, 4, 5, 7, 12, 13, 17, 25, 26, and 41, which covers all of the major U.S. carriers. In addition, the FCC filing shows the device has support for GSM850/1900 bands as well as WCDMA bands 2, 4 and 5. This indicates the device should be capable of roaming on a global basis.
Google Play currently lists an Indigo Black, 32GB model as the only LTE enabled option with the note that it is "coming soon" for a retail price of $599. Now that the FCC has granted their approval, it should not be much longer before Google changes the status to being in the warehouse and ready to ship.
source: FCC
via: phoneArena
[Deal] Staples has the Nexus 7 (2012) WiFi and 4G for $129
Missed out on the Nexus 9 deal? Well we have another one for you, although not nearly as smoking hot. Staples has the Nexus 7 (2012) with 32 GB of storage and both WiFi and 4G connectivity for only $129.
Sure it's a little old, but it's brand new out of the box, and a great price if you need something with cellular connectivity.
Just hit the source link to get your order in. No coupon code needed.
source: Staples
Amazon offering free unlimited cloud photo storage for Prime members
As if you needed another reason to sign up for Amazon Prime, Amazon has just announced that Prime members will get unlimited photo storage on Amazon's Cloud Drive service. This is a pretty competitive move against Google's free photo backup with Google+ and other services like Dropbox and Box.
Read more
Go long with new AT&T Next 24 program
AT&T announced today that they are expanding their AT&T Next program to add an even longer term for consumers who are interested in buying a new smartphone for $0 down followed by monthly payments. The new AT&T Next 24 option will be available to qualified consumers starting on November 9th. The 24 in the program's name refers to how many months a consumer has to wait before being eligible to trade in their smartphone and upgrade to a new device. However, the payment schedule is based on a 30-month installment plan.
Read more
Microsoft and Dropbox team up to provide seamless integration across services
Microsoft and Dropbox have announced a pretty unlikely partnership that will allow Microsoft Office customers to integrate Dropbox into their day-to-day work. You'll be able to keep your documents and work synced across all of your devices at work and at home, and you can make quick edits on just about any device you have.
Read more


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Nottingham Post has all the best restaurants in Nottingham and every type of restaurant in Nottingham listed, many with reviews and star ratings; you'll find Indian Restaurants, Chinese Restaurants, Italian Restaurants as well as other places to eat in Nottingham such as Pizza Parlours and Brasseries.
Why not list your Nottingham Restaurant business on Nottingham Post ?
Address: 116 Radford Road, , Nottingham, NG7 5FW
Address: 10 Station Road, Sandiacre, NOTTINGHAM, NG10 5BG
Address: 7 Hockley, , Nottingham , NG1 1FH
Address: 23 Loughborough Road, Quorn, LOUGHBOROUGH, LE12 8DU
Address: 46-48 Castle Gate, , NEWARK, NG24 1BG
Address: 59 Mansfield Road, , NOTTINGHAM, NG1 3FH
Address: 25 The Square, , RETFORD, DN22 6DQ
Address: 25-27 Bridgford Road, West Bridgford, NOTTINGHAM, NG2 6AU
Address: Priestsic Road, , SUTTON IN ASHFIELD, NG17 2AE
Address: 41 Mount Street, , Nottingham, NG1 6HE
Address: 12 Trinity Square, , NOTTINGHAM, NG1 4AF
Address: 8-16 Chapel Bar, , NOTTINGHAM, NG1 6JQ
Address: 13 Charnwood Road, Shepshed, LOUGHBOROUGH, LE12 9QE
Address: Nottingham Airport, Tollerton Lane, Tollerton, Nottingham, NG12 4GA
Address: 1a Portland Street, Mansfield Woodhouse, MANSFIELD, NG19 8BE
Address: 47 Stoney Stree, , Nottingham, NG1 1LX
Address: Nottingham Road, Ravenshead, NOTTINGHAM, NG15 9HJ
Address: 100 Melton Road, W Bridgford, West Bridgford, NOTTINGHAM, NG2 6EP
Address: 15 Market Place, Bingham, NOTTINGHAM, NG13 8AP
Address: 42-44 Bridgford Road, West Bridgford, Nottingham, NG2 6AP

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Police: Man Burglarized 2 High-End Madison Avenue Boutiques In 15 Minutes
NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) — Police on Saturday were asking the public for help in finding a burglar who struck two high-end boutiques on the Upper East Side.
The thief first struck around 12:10 a.m. Saturday, July 12, at the Roberto Cavalli store at 711 Madison Ave., police said. The suspect walked in through a side door and took $270 from the cash register, police said.
The thief struck a second time just 15 minutes later at the Berluti men's shoe and boot store at 677 Madison Ave., police said. He took $20 from a cash register and leather merchandise from the store, police said.
In the second incident, the suspect forced a door open, police said.
Police have released surveillance photos of the suspect.
Anyone with information was asked to call the NYPD Crime Stoppers at (800) 577-TIPS, log onto the Crime Stoppers website, or text tips to 274637 (CRIMES) and enter TIP577.
You May Also Be Interested In These Stories
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- 10 Injured When Fire Breaks Out In Bronx Apartment Building


text:
Search results for Nahla
Coupled Up: Halle Berry And Olivier Martinez, J.Lo And Casper, Laurence Fishburne And Gina Torres [Gallery]
J.Lo and her boo thang Casper Smart had a lil fun in the sun yachting
Beautifully Coupled Up: Halle Berry, Her Bum Foot And Her French Boo Take A Stroll
Here are Halle and her honey Olivier Martinez out and about in Berlin.
Can't We All Just Get Along? A Look At Some Ugly, Nasty Custody And Child Support Battles
When couples that have children split, they have to deal with nasty custody and child support issues. When millionaire couples with children split and there's more money to spread around, things get even worse.
What The Hell??? Halle Berry's Stalker Had KEYS To Her Guest House!!!
The one guy Halle Berry couldn't get rid of will stand trial for stalking her.
Here's One Great Reason Why Halle Berry Shouldn't Go Back To Long Hair Don't Care…
Not only does Halle Berry have a bangin' body but those short tresses on the top of her dome give her that extra "I'm That Chick" edge. While on set filming "Cloud Atlas" in Europe, a couple of pics were
Mythbusters: Stars That Proved You Can In Fact Go Back After Going Black
You ever hear the phrase, "once you go Black, you never go back"? It's a pretty popular saying that indicates that once you taste the sweet mocha nectar of Black love, you won't ever want to go anywhere else. Well,
Mommy Banger Halle Berry Shows Off Her Birthday Cakes In A 'Kini
Bikini clad birthday girl Halle Berry spent her big day at the beach with friends and a lil horsing around landed her backside up in the sand.
Which Hollyweird Mommy Looked More Bangin' After Lunch??
Nahla and Violet's mommies were each spotted leaving lunch in L.A. yesterday.
Mommy Banger Halle Berry Takes "The Girls" To The Mall
Halle Berry shopped it up at Westfield Mall in Century City in this nice lil body conscious get up.
Gallery: Some Evening Precious Kiddos And Mommy Banger Action
Gotta love the mommy and kiddie time!
Third Time's The Fail: Halle's Loser Stalker Popped At Her Crib
The problem with crazy people is that they never know when to quit.
More Drama: Halle Berry Thinks Her Baby Daddy Gabriel "K-Fraudy" Aubry Is An Unfit And Neglectful Parent
Even though Gabriel "K-Fraudy" Aubry was just spotted being a nice and playful daddy, Halle Berry thinks otherwise:


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Forum - View topicANNtv - Anime Expo 2008
Note: this is the discussion thread for this article
|View previous topic :: View next topic
Posts: 190
Location: San Antonio, TX
Very interesting show. Too bad Mario & Ellie were only featured in the 1st half, but they did a good job. The interviews with Bamboo Dong were good; did Ellie do an interview or 2? Good to see you on camera again, BD! BTW, methinks BD protests too much; she was very enthusiastic about Sensitive Pornograph, yet said "I'm not gonna buy a copy, but if you guys are into it...".
And my LOL moment: Power Rangers playing air hockey! #2 Fun moment: The lame-looking Vash clone & the Krispy Kreme doughnut box...
Edit: My bad... Mario handled the interviews for the 1st half & BD did the last half. C'mon, Ellie... you can do it! Forgot to mention the Cute moment: The boy in the Godzilla suit. At least he wasn't a bare-assed Godzilla like Shin-Chan...
|Back to top
ANN Director of New Media
Posts: 1536
Location: Los Angeles, CA
|No no, that was Ellie in the second half. Bamboo did do some stuff concentrating more on cosplayers... That video will be coming soon.
|Back to top
Posts: 317
Location: UK (London)
I'm digging that afro-to-be : P
But in all seriousness (and I was being serious! afro's are awesome) - I really hope the panels were recorded and the video will be uploaded onto the individual panel reports at a later stage.. like last year.
All in all, I think this Expo has been pretty disappointing in terms of licenses actually announced at the convention. The Funimation things are INCREDIBLE, but came out in press releases before the panel. So yeah, I'll be waiting for Otakon to hear announcements of all the anime that should have been announced here! Funimation will be having so much power over how much they pay for Japanese licenses now, so Soul Eater better get over here quickly!
|Back to top
Posts: 198
I went into an extreme laughing fit when Ellie promoted Sensitive Pornograph.
|Back to top
Randall Miyashiro
Posts: 2451
Location: A block away from Golden Gate Park
|I love the sentai air hockey ending. Thank you for hiring talent that can actually pronounce Japanese decently. My roommate pronounces udon wrong and it does bug me a little since it isn't hard to pronounce correctly. Nice little cameo of Carl at Dark Horse there.
|Back to top
Tortoiseshell Tabby Girl
Posts: 153
A Vash cosplayer stealing a donut actually made me laugh out loud, heh, heh. Go, Vash, Go!
I can't believe I actually know what that man with the rubber leek was talking about! And I can't believe that that loop of Orihime twirling a leek has caused someone to create rubber leeks. And I can't believe that people are buying them. Some cases of supply and demand are soooooo strange....
That Ouran Host Club cosplaying thing looks so embarrassing to me. You couldn't give me enough pocky to participate in something like that.
Thanks for the fun, upbeat reporting, guys!
|Back to top
Posts: 190
Location: MD
|Excellent ending. I probably have met one of, if not both of those PR cosplayers before.
|Back to top
Posts: 735
Location: Canada
|Very informative and I like how you guys focused on both the social and industry aspects to the con, but obviously more industry information since this is a news site. The only things that bothered me are the cuts in interviews and the shaky camera movements. But overall, I liked this.
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The X Button - Toad to Victory
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Day 8 of the Ghiblithon is all about one of Miyazaki's most celebrated films, arriving on bluray this month in a somewhat compromised, but still gorgeous, state. ― There was a brief moment where Hayao Miyazaki's Princess Mononoke was the top-grossing film in Japan. It came out in the summer of 1997 there, and it was an instant phenomenon, its box office glory stolen mere months later when James Camer...
Pile of Shame FINAL: Chie the Brat
The Pile of Shame recedes into the mists of history with one final installment, on Isao Takahata's criminally underseen Chie the Brat. ― Well folks, we've come to the end of the road. This will be the final Pile of Shame article. I need to stop writing about specific anime for a while, because it's a really good way to get burned out. Also, there's only so much appetite for articles on old and obscur...
Studio Ghibli Bluray Review-a-thon Day 7: From Up On Poppy Hill
It's Day 7 of our Ghiblithon and that means a nostalgia-tinged trip down to old Yokohama with Miyazakis both elder and junior, accompanied by Mike Toole. ― There was an undeniable air of suspicion that arose when Goro Miyazaki was named as director of Tales from Earthsea. After all, the son of Hayao Miyazaki had spent a lengthy career as a landscape architect, before eventually coming to work for the...
Game Review: Persona Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth
A fanservice-heavy, dungeon-crawling, number-crunching marriage between Etrian Odyssey and Personas 3 and 4. What could possibly go wrong? ― Thrown together across time, the casts of Persona 3 and 4 navigate a very Etrian Odyssey labyrinth with a very Persona set of abilities. Though the series seem at odds with each other--Etrian Odyssey's barely-there story clashes with Persona's sappy melodrama an...
Studio Ghibli Bluray Review-a-thon Day 6: Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
Day 6 of the Ghiblithon arrives with Miyazaki's first iconic work, starring a savior princess in a toxic forest, based on the manga of his creation. ― Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind was Hayao Miyazaki's first movie in a sense. He had plenty of experience before it, of course. He'd directed the best Lupin III flick with The Castle of Cagliostro and helmed the Future Boy Conan TV series (which was ...
Astro Toy - Figma Haruka Nanase
Are you ready for the swim boys? David sure is, and figma Haruka is here to help. ― figma Haruka Nanase Maker: Hobby Stock Series: FREE! Price: $50 Finally, it's that "Swimming Anime" I've been hearing so much about! Full disclosure, I really don't know anything about FREE! other than the following: FREE! is Kyoto Animation's popular series about boys swimming for the benefit of fujoshi. It is notab...


text:
The sweet Nora had a surprise for us this week. She has been growing her bush out and is ready to show it off. We went by her place to do some yoga and to check her out. Once the cock came over she was ready to get some. He loved her hot bush sticking out of the hole in her yoga pants. This hot blonde was more the willing to suck and ride some cock. This freak loved to tug on her bush the whole time. This was so hot!!
"Sweet Secret"
Savannah Secret
"Sexy Box"
Dani Daniels
"Bush On Kyra"
Kyra Hot
"Grand Bush"
Sammy Grand
"Beer And Bush"
Gianna Michaels
"Fire Bush"
Elexis Monroe
"Get Off My Lawn"
Bobbi Starr
"Muff Fluff"
"Puffy Panties"
Violet Addams
"Rileys Bush"
Riley Reynolds


text:
start seeing sacraments: anointing of the sick
Every week I'll share a few favorite images around one of the seven Catholic sacraments, to celebrate my new book: Everyday Sacrament: The Messy Grace of Parenting.
Follow me on Instagram at @thismessygrace or tag your photos with #everydaysacrament.
Let's start seeing sacraments together…
. . .
Maybe more so than reconciliation, anointing of the sick is the hardest sacrament to capture in image.
Because it is blessedly removed from my life right now.
Every day I think about the gift of three healthy children. They get runny noses, spike teething fevers, toss and turn the rare restless night with a stomach bug. But thus far their well-check visits to the pediatrician have been routine and uneventful.
So many parents I know do not take this for granted. Babies tangled in IVs in the NICU, toddlers stretched out on the surgeon's table, kids struggling through school hallways in wheelchairs, teenagers wrapped in heaps of quilts on their deathbed. There is no promise that childhood is free from suffering.
But for me today, the everydayness of this sacrament lies in its absence. At this stage in my life – and this will not last for always, I know – I honor its sacredness only by the smallest reminders.
A stash of Tylenol and bandaids bought to share with our sister parish in Haiti, where parents are pleading for the most basic medications to help their children sick with fever. (Or worse.)
A coffee-stained Starbucks table that welcomes those with physical handicaps and nudges me to question if my life today does the same.
A kiss on the oven-burned finger from two big boys who came running when they heard me yelp. Mama, let me make it better. Teaching me how the power of physical touch is a blessing we grasp from our earliest days.
. . .
Anointing of the sick is not last rites. It's a common misunderstanding in popular culture, lingering in Catholic circles, too. But this blessing with sacred chrism oil and prayer is not reserved for our last gasps of breath.
It's a gift of God's healing grace to be shared whenever we are suffering deeply – in body, mind, or spirit.
When I first started writing the chapter on anointing of the sick in Everyday Sacrament, I stalled over the fact that I'd never received this sacrament myself. If I'd only seen it celebrated from a safe and healthy distance, what could I possibly have to say about its power?
But then I realized that there are echoes of anointing's graces in the everyday ways we help each other to heal. Every parent who has comforted a screaming child, bandaged a bleeding wound, or rushed a sick baby to the emergency room understands some traces of this sacrament.
Perhaps we practice these "first rites" at home because deep down we know that some day our children will be wounded beyond our power to heal. And we want them to remember what it first meant to be held and comforted in love.
Today I celebrate my children's health. And I pray that they will always know how God's grace waits to anoint their aches and soothe their scars, even when health is no longer the safe measure of their days.
When have you seen the anointing of the sick celebrated?
What have you learned about healing at home?
start seeing sacraments: reconciliation
Every week I'll share a few favorite images around one of the seven Catholic sacraments, to celebrate my new book Everyday Sacrament: The Messy Grace of Parenting. Follow me on Instagram at @thismessygrace or tag your photos with #everydaysacrament.
Let's start seeing sacraments together…
Here's the truth about reconciliation. It's hard to photograph.
(It's even harder to practice.)
Trying to capture everyday glimpses of sacraments has been a good exercise. Also a challenging one.
Because baptism and Eucharist? I see them daily in bathtime and mealtime. And I can snap a quick shot in a second – my kids splashing in water or sharing bread at our table. I smile and savor a sweet pause of a moment, a reminder of God's humming presence at work around us all the time.
But reconciliation? That's the ugly underbelly of family life. Tempers lost, toys thrown, loud protests and louder cries. The angry moments you cringe to imagine a stranger (or even friend) might dare to darken your doorstep and see how things really are in this house when we sin against the ones we love the most.
How could I capture that on camera?
Tender moments of offering repentance and seeking forgiveness are often too intimate and sacred to share. When we are honest and true, sorry and sorrowful, we are also most vulnerable. Which is, I think, why God invites us to practice this sacrament in quiet humility, one-on-one.
But the few images that I found were scenes I stumbled upon. And isn't that always how God works, in the stumbled-upon moments? Tripping over truth right beneath our feet.
One afternoon I was playing with the camera, charming smiles from the sweet baby cooing on a soft blanket while his brothers squabbled on the porch behind us. Then I realized the arguing in the background had finally simmered down. Now the boys were building something strong and sturdy together.
Here they were – two brothers at each other's throats all afternoon until they realized they'd never get their project finished unless they worked together.
And I almost missed it because I was focused on what I thought was beautiful.
Weeks later we were enjoying a lovely, lazy morning on vacation. Breakfast outside, warm sky overhead, nowhere to go and nothing to do but bask in the sun and each other's company. I went inside to grab my camera and snap some shot of billowing clouds behind Floridian palm trees. Idyllic inspiration.
When I came back out to the cool concrete deck, there was a sobbing son in his father's arms. Some minor infraction had reduced him to tears; they had to talk it out quietly and calmly. What it means to disobey and apologize and forgive. (I am still learning this; aren't we all?)
I forgot about the sun and sky; I had to sneak one small memory of what this moment might look like in image, forgiveness in a frame. What it probably looks like every time I, too, bend my wrestling, wanting, wandering will back towards the One who welcomes its failings with comfort and love.
. . .
In the Catholic tradition, this sacrament has more names than any other.
Confession. Penance. Reconciliation.
Maybe we need all these hues of the same truth because there are so many movements wrapped round repentance. We speak our sins; we ask forgiveness; we promise to do better. Turn, turn, turn.
Or maybe we need mouthfuls of names to remind us how often we need to practice this lesson of love before our God. Over and over, again and again. Here at home, out in the world.
Everyday reconciliation. Where do you see it?
where i've been lately…(and the book is here!!)
Here's where I've been lately. Scurrying around behind the scenes to get ready for this:
Surreal is all I can say. I thought the moment I held this baby in my hands would be emotional and powerful and symbolic.
But the package arrived on Halloween afternoon, and thirty seconds after I opened it in tender awe, the baby started howling to be nursed, the boys started screaming at each other over fistfuls of Halloween candy, and the pot of pasta I'd left on the stove started that seething simmer-over – suffice it to say, I did not have a single moment to savor.
Yet I've come to love that this book on my desk is doing exactly what I hope it will do in other families' homes: sit right in the middle of the craziness and chaos and remind us that God is here, too.
I'm planning a "blog book tour" for early December with lots of lovely blogging friends who are helping me to get out the word. Till then you can buy the paperback or e-book from Liturgical Press (it's already out of stock temporarily on Amazon - thank you, friends!). I am humbled and overwhelmed and deeply grateful for all your love and support.
. . .
And even while I've been keeping the blog stocked with series of pregnancy prayers and Instagram shots of sacraments, I've actually been doing real writing elsewhere, too.
First, if you haven't yet heard of Blessed Is She, now is the time to check it out. A bunch of brilliant, inspired bloggers I know have gathered together to create a daily devotional site for Catholic women. It's beautiful and thoughtful, and it fills my inbox with Word and image every morning.
Here's an example of a devotional I wrote last week - on the household of God (and why my husband and I often flounder at running our own):
When I got married, the challenges of running a household only magnified. Yes, I had a partner to help with this work, but we also brought different approaches and expectations for household management.
Enter kids into the picture? More laundry, more dishes, more questions about how to pay for it all. I wouldn't trade this life for any other, but these are still the verbs I use: stretch, crunch, juggle, squeeze.
The household of God? Those words stop me in my tracks. As Saint Paul describes it, the household of God is about people, not perfection. About holiness, not achievement. About community, not isolation.
It's not about having it all together, but about becoming holy together. Whether we're single or married, parents or children, friends or neighbors, we are part of a household bigger than ourselves and our to-do lists….
Read the rest at Blessed Is She.
Speaking of our household, we seem to have hit the November slump when all of September's bright intentions have fallen by the wayside in heaps of leaves. Sound familiar?
Last week I reflected on how setting aside our high hopes for doing All The Things to raise our children in faith might actually be the healthiest and happiest way to live our faith at home. Check out my latest post at Practicing Families on the importance of small habits and tracing tiny crosses:
So often I confuse our practice of faith with excellence in faith. If this family is going to follow Christ, then we're going to do daily prayer and weekly catechesis and church attendance and Scripture study. We need to do it all and we need to do it right, or else everything fails.
But maybe it's not about getting all the big things right. Maybe it's about getting all the small things right.
As a parent, all I can hope to do is trace tiny crosses on my children's foreheads. Sweep aside their messy hair, wipe off the sweaty smudges, and bless their brows with the smallest sign of the One who calls and claims them for love.
Read the rest at Practicing Families.
And since I have sacraments on the brain these days, my latest at Catholic Mom asks how we can talk about the meaning of sacraments in our lives with those closest with us. Check out these simple ideas for starting conversations about sacraments with your spouse, children, friends or relatives:
Sacraments are central to our Catholic faith. We believe that we encounter God in a powerful way through the experiences of baptism, Eucharist, confirmation, reconciliation, anointing of the sick, marriage, and holy orders. And we believe that Christ instituted these seven sacraments in order to share grace with us in powerful and particular ways.
But how often do we talk with our children, spouses, friends, or relatives about the impact of the sacraments in our lives?
This week, take a moment to share a story of sacrament with someone close to you. Invite them to share their own stories or to ask questions of curiosity, especially if they're not Catholic.
See what happens when we start talking about God's presence in our lives through the sacraments…
Read the rest at Catholic Mom.
start seeing sacraments: eucharist
Every week until my book comes out, I'll share images around each of the 7 Catholic sacraments.
Follow me on Instagram at @thismessygrace or tag your photos with #everydaysacrament.
Let's start seeing sacraments together…
Eucharist. Source and summit. Body and blood. Christ at the center.
I see it everywhere, this blessed-and-brokenness of the Christian faith. It's in our daily rhythms of eating and sharing at table. It's in our everyday actions of taking and breaking. It's in our ordinary offerings of sacrificing in love for each other.
It's in this bread my husband bakes for our family every week, too.
Every time I nurse the baby, I think of what it means to give of your self.
Every time my husband harvested bowl upon bowl of vegetables from his garden, I thought about what it means to feed others.
Every time we sit down at table to share another family meal, I think about what it means to gather together and give thanks.
Every time we shared our harvest with friends and family, I thought about what it means to be the hands and heart of Christ for each other.
Every time I watch people receive communion at church, I think about what it means to open up our lives to let love in.
Eucharist can be hard. We break ourselves open to love. Eucharist can be easy. We reach out our hands to be nourished.
But at home? Eucharist is every day. Feeding our family and loving in the body and sacrificing for each other and thanking God who holds it all together.
For these thy gifts, which we are (always) about to receive.
Where do you see Eucharist in your life? What does this sacrament mean to you?
start seeing sacraments: confirmation
Every week until my book comes out, I'll share a few favorite images around each sacrament. Follow me on Instagram at @thismessygrace or tag your photos with #everydaysacrament. Let's start seeing sacraments together…
Confirmation is one of three sacraments of initiation into the Catholic Church (along with baptism and Eucharist). Sacred anointing with holy chrism oil. Laying on of hands by the bishop. Sealing of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
Most Catholics receive the sacrament of confirmation as young people. (Too often it becomes a graduation from faith formation.) Others receive it as adults in the RCIA process. Either way we only "get it" once.
But do we ever get it?
This Spirit stuff is slippery. Scripture tells us of the Spirit's gifts: wonder and wisdom, reverence and right judgment, knowledge and courage and understanding. But how do we live out these gifts? How does this sacrament shape our lives as Christians?
How do we see and taste and hear and feel confirmation every day?
. . .
I see confirmation in the way my children start to chase after their gifts.
I taste confirmation in the day's unexpected glimmers of grace.
I hear confirmation in my callings, trying to listen to the Spirit for guidance in this holy work of parenting.
I see confirmation in the ways I try to lift my gaze heaven-ward.
I feel confirmation in the softest flutters of encouragement to share gifts.
Where do you sense confirmation around you? What does this sacrament mean for your life?
start seeing sacraments – now on instagram!
Catholics believe there are seven sacraments. These are the capital-S sacraments: baptism, Eucharist, confirmation, reconciliation, anointing of the sick, marriage, and holy orders.
But there are plenty of small-s sacraments shot through our everyday, too. Moments of grace where we encounter God. And the stuff of daily life – water and oil, bread and wine, forgiveness and healing, relationships and work – glistens with the fingerprints of the divine.
This is what my book is all about. Grace in the mess. Extraordinary in the ordinary. God in the Everyday Sacrament.
Since my siblings convinced me to try Instagram this summer, I have been captivated by finding small, sacred moments to capture. I love that this outlet of social media, more than any other I've tried, seems to be about sharing glimpses of joy and beauty.
And if you've been following me (@thismessygrace) and you've wondered why on earth I keep hash-tagging photos with #baptism, #marriage, #reconciliation or #anointing?
It's because this Instagram lens on my ordinary world provides a perfect way to start seeing sacraments.
Where do you see sacraments in your everyday? A quick kiss from your spouse before work. A cold drink of water on a warm day. A to-do list packed with good work for those you love. A cupboard full of food.
Sacraments are all around us, if we have eyes to see.
(Yeah, I went there. You can only stare at so many bumper stickers about motorcycles without getting inspired.)
If we start to limit where we see God, our vision of the whole world narrows. But if we open our eyes wider, then we might marvel at what we find.
Baptism at bath time. Eucharist round the dinner table. Reconciliation after sibling squabbles.
What we celebrate in church is reflected at home. What we live at home is honored in church. And God is present, everywhere and always.
Thanks to this beautiful post at A Deeper Story (from a fellow lover of Saint John's Abbey and the Collegeville Institute) I recently rediscovered this line of truth from Marilynne Robinson:
"Wherever you turn your eyes the world can shine like transfiguration.
You don't have to bring a thing to it except a little willingness to see.
Only, who could have the courage to see it?"
Let's have the courage to see it. Let's start seeing sacraments together.
Follow me on Instagram at @thismessygrace or tag your photos with #everydaysacrament.
Every week until my book is published, I'll share a few favorite Instagram images here around one sacrament. Starting today with baptism, of course. Where our Christian story begins:
introducing…the book!
First, thanks to all of you who sent so much love with my big announcement last week! I'm floored by your support and can't wait to share my "baby" with you very soon.
Second, I've been getting lots of questions on the details (apparently cryptic reflections on liturgical feasts aren't enough to satisfy your curiosity?) so I wanted to answer the questions I've been getting via email and social media.
What's the title? What's it all about?
The book is called Everyday Sacrament: The Messy Grace of Parenting.
I call it a spiritual-memoir-meets-parenting-memoir with a twist. It takes the seven Catholic sacraments as a lens for looking at life with little ones in a whole new light. So it's a sacramental theology from the ground up – the sticky, Lego-strewn, does-anyone-ever-mop-this-floor? ground zero of parenting.
But the book can perhaps be best summed up by this hysterical – unofficial! – trailer that my brother made me. (Ok, actually it's nothing like this, but I can't stop laughing when I watch it.) If anyone can catch every single pop culture reference upon first viewing, I will send you an autographed copy of the book:
Who's the publisher? When is it coming out?
I'm delighted to be working with Liturgical Press, and the book should be out by early fall 2014. Will keep you posted!
And finally, the #1 question I seem to get regarding the book:
How did you find time to write this???
People always want to know how I do this. (I know I'm far from the only mother-writer who gets these baffled looks.) My guess is that it's the same way any of us make time for the passions we love: stealing spare moments and carving out corners.
But here are five ways I able to write this book (while raising two young kids, working part-time, and surviving a challenging pregnancy or two in the past year):
1) I slacked off elsewhere. I cancelled my gym membership after our second son arrived, and I've felt guilty about the lack of exercise ever since. But something's gotta give in every season of life, and in this stage with little ones underfoot, working out is what I let go. Physically? Not so healthy. Emotionally and spiritually? I'm much happier if I spend my free time on writing. I know someday I'll have time for regular exercise again, but for now chasing preschoolers and squeezing in yoga will have to suffice.
Also, housekeeping chez nous took a sharp nosedive in early 2013 when I started seriously working on this project, and it has barely recovered. Don't look too closely at the bathrooms next time you come over. Trust me.
2) I had lots of help. Being blessed with a supportive spouse who sees my writing as a calling makes this work possible. I took a lot of Saturday mornings to write at coffee shops, and he regularly took on the boys' bath/bedtime routine solo to give me extra hours to write at night. I couldn't have done this without him.
But I also asked for help from others when I needed it: I paid for a few extra hours of childcare with our sitter when my schedule allowed it, and I leapt at my parents' offers to watch the kids whenever we were visiting them. Writing a book is a team effort.
3) I learned when I work best. Once I started paying attention to the natural rhythms of my mind and body, I figured when the best times are for me to do creative work: before dawn, between 10 am and noon, and after 9 pm. Now I don't try to force myself to write during other times of the day, and I find that flow comes much easier.
Of course, my life doesn't always align with my creative energy. So I stock up on caffeine and chocolate to work during naptime when I'm home with the kids, or I stick to editing tasks during my "off" hours. But knowing when I find flow helps me stop banging my head against a wall when things aren't going well: I check the clock and decide when to start again later.
4) I organized against my nature. This might contradict my own advice in #3 (know thyself). But I am not a type-A person. I'd much rather enjoy a lazy day, go with the flow, and act spontaneously. Most of the time that doesn't jive with running a household or raising kids. So over the past year I've forced myself – with gritted teeth - to develop some type-A habits.
I methodically meal-plan every week so I never have to come up with dinner ideas at 5:00. I charted all our household chores and made a weekly/monthly schedule so I don't have to remember what needs to be done. I still bristle at sticking to these uber-organized systems, but they've freed up enough precious moments for writing every day to make it worth it.
5) I stuck to a schedule. This is what happens when a humanities major meets an engineer: one person delights in work plans, the other rolls their eyes. But when I got serious about finishing this book in one year, my husband sat down and helped me make a weekly calendar that would allow me to write and edit every single chapter within the allotted months. (I guess this combines #2 – team effort – and #4 - unnatural organization.)
Bless his heart, he hoped I'd track every hour I spent on the project so that I could know exactly how much time it took to write the book. But I will say that knowing exactly what I needed to work on every week, rather than following inspiration's whim as is my fancy, made it possible to pull off pregnancy + book in a way that surprised even me.
So there you have it: what it is and how I did it. And what a gift this opportunity has been – I am so humbled and excited by how everything has worked out. I can't wait to see what this year will bring…
sacrament, interrupted
I jostle one boy on my hip and nudge the other a step closer to the front of the line. Herding cats, I think as he wanders into the neighboring line of communion-goers.
Using my one free hand I gently guide him back by the shoulder and whisper in his ear about trying to stay near mama. We're only a few people from the front when the toddler in my arms lunges away and starts kicking his feet in protest, demanding to walk, informing me in no uncertain terms that he does it himself.
When we reach the priest at the head of the line, I ready myself with a smile – maybe even an apologetic one for my motley crew – but he's nowhere to be found.
Instead he's already crouching low to smile at my boy and ruffle his hair before he blesses him, in words just at his level and his own name added at the end as a kicker.
Then he stands up again and does the same for the child in my arms: a welcoming grin, words of love and blessing.
Only then does he turn to me, the one waiting with outstretched hands, to offer another broad smile and the Body of Christ. I gratefully accept both.
I love that this is our parish's practice, to bless the babies and offer words of communion to the children before they are old enough to receive. But once in a while I find myself restless, wanting the minister to hurry up so we don't delay the line behind us, or wanting to get communion myself and get on my way.
Exactly the moments it does me good to have this sacrament interrupted.
What is grace if not given freely, not deserve by the one who waited patiently but poured out on every face that comes forth to a welcoming table?
What is sacrament if not shared first with the least, the forgotten, the neglected?
Maybe all sacrament is interruption. God breaks into what's most ordinary – bread, water, love, forgiveness – and blesses human attempts to make holy. We're jarred into remembering that wine and oil and candles and rings clasp truth to our hearts in ways more powerful than words. We need the ritual, the rite, the action, the sign. We need it spoken to us personally, like Christ pulling one child onto his lap, and communally, as a church trying to re-member ourselves back into one body.
And we need it to keep interrupting our expectations: that we are in charge, that we control faith, that this life is ours for the taking.
Every Sunday now, as I herd the cats back to our crayon-strewn pew, I hear them plead with a hungry look back towards the line we've just left: "I want Communion next time! Why don't I get bread, too?"
This is how our restless hearts come home, I think.
Learning to long for the love they see extended.
Wanting to receive the blessing they are promised.
when the marriage dust settles
In a week when marriage made headlines, the quiet moments will be the ones I remember.
Glimpsing small cousins plodding down the aisle in tiny tuxedos, child-sized versions of the grooms they may one day become.
Chasing an exasperating (yet still adorable) toddler around the back of church while the priest asks if the couple will accept children and bring them up with love.
Catching only one line from the homily in its entirety, words quoted from Bonhoeffer that it is not the love that sustains your marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.
Hearing a father with a golden voice singing for his daughter as she lit a candle with her new husband.
Saying yes to the bright-eyed boy who asked to take his off his too-tight dress shoes and run free through the lush grass of the golf course green.
Spinning my baby on my hip as he tipped back his head and belly-laughed with glee, wondering whether he'll ever spin me around another mother-son dance some day.
Late-night mugging for the camera in the photo booth, catching my husband on the cheek with a kiss as so many couples have done before us.
Watching one last burst of fireworks as we pulled out of the parking lot with two tired boys fading fast in the back and a squeeze on the hand from the spouse who knows I love summer night surprises like a six year-old child.
Beyond the headlines, the everyday work of marriage goes on as before. Work and joy, children and responsibility, forgiveness and laughter.
It is a seemingly impossible promise, to choose a covenant with another flawed human being for the rest of your days. But quietly behind the scenes, millions make it happen without fanfare.
Every wedding we attend, ever since our own, I watch the high hopes of the couple at the altar, standing together in contrasting white and black, and I wonder how fitting it is to pledge love in a place of sacrifice, of lives laid down and broken in gift for each other. We are pointed towards the mystery and crucible of the sacrament long before we can glimpse the long view of what we have promised.
It's tempting, once you're no longer newlyweds and have reached the point of settledness—having set up house and established careers and had a few babies—to start sounding more like the seasoned old-timers, whispering while we watch them take their vows: "They're just kids! They have no idea what's ahead of them."
It's partly true: they don't. We didn't. No couple who commits themselves on a wedding day can fully grasp what that covenant will mean or what life will throw their way. We all hear "for better, for richer, in good times, in health" and breeze over the second half of each couplet: the wise and cautious reminders of the sufferings this calling will inevitably encounter.
Yet whenever I'm tempted to run the risk of clucking condescension for the fresh-faced kids standing on the altar, I remember this: we, too, had no idea what was ahead of us. But we, too, knew just enough for that day.
(Click here to read the rest of my latest post at CatholicMom.com)
This weekend's was one of those weddings when everyone agrees – over glasses of Chardonnay and cocktail hour Sinatra and children shedding suit coats underfoot – that They're A Perfect Match, that We Couldn't Be Happier For Them.
We nod and affirm, without ever saying it, that they do know enough for today.
And that the rest of us – jostling babies on the edge of the dance floor, leaning over linen tablecloths to hear grandparents tell stories, clinking forks against glasses to embarrass the newlyweds into a kiss - we are still slowly learning our way into our vows, too.
the sound of sacrament
I do.
For over a year, our oldest son switched "I" and "you" whenever he spoke. So he sounded like an overly compassionate child, always concerned with what "you" wanted and what "you" needed, constantly volunteering that "I" should help the crying baby and "I" should clean up the mess. His malaprop-kid-ism was cute at the beginning. But after months and months of ignoring our corrections, his habit got grating for those closest to him who were constantly being asked whether they wanted a diaper change.
With help from his teacher and sitter, we recently redoubled our efforts to help him learn. And over the last month, he's started to switch, slowly. Now we hear a hybrid of "I" and "you," but trending towards full claiming of self-hood when he speaks. Today when we pose a question, he responds carefully and proudly – "I do!" – the words still new, fresh and powerful in his mouth.
. . .
Last week we were talking after Mass about baptism, about the babies who had been dunked in water and blessed with oil and dressed in white. My boy pondered this thoughtfully, remembering what he had seen when he gathered around the fount with the other children. Then he posed me a question:
"Do you say 'I do' at church?"
I paused, surprised. I'd forgotten to talk about the "I-dos," the vows we all renewed before the babies were baptized. But he remembered.
I started to correct his I/you confusion for the zillionth time, but then I stopped. In fact, we had both said "I do" at the morning's baptism. And I have spoken these words at church many more times than he has. When the priest asked my husband and me if we were ready to give ourselves to each other in marriage. When our pastor asked if we knew what we were doing when we brought each of our boys to be baptized. We speak these words often at church, whenever we renew baptismal vows or attend a wedding: I do. I do.
. . .
Lately I listen to my son sing-song his new words around the house, talking himself while he plays or responding when I ask him questions. He is learning to claim and assert himself, to stand as a separate and independent entity, one who understands who he is and what he wants. And by recognizing who he is, he better understands who others are as well. The lines become less blurry each time he states clearly, "I do."
Baptism sounds like this to my ears: I do, I do, I do. It is the sacrament of self-hood, the claiming and christ-ing of each child of God, the initiation into a family and a life of faith. This morning when I watched two more babies plunged into waters of new life, one silent and wondering, one shrieking and wailing, I thought about the sounds of baptism.
Sometimes baptism sounds like a splash, a squeal, a seal. The pour of water, rub of oil, spark of candle. But over time baptism sounds like the long learning of "I do," growing into identity and understanding, claiming for ourselves what the church and God believe we can become.
It's a big step, learning to say "I do." I'm still trying to figure out how to do it every day. But I'm proud of my boy for his awakening, and grateful for journeying on his gradual realization of what it means to be "I" and what it means to "do."
It takes all of us a long time – maybe a lifetime – to get there.


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Published: August 24,2009
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Grieving For A Loved One Is Difficult During The Holidays.
Some say that the first Thanksgiving is the most difficult because the absence of the loved one is as startling as it is dreaded. It reminds us almost viscerally of the reality of the loss.
For those who have suffered a sudden and traumatic loss, Thanksgiving can feel impossible with the pain they are holding.
Many report that they hardly know how they got through the day as they felt a combination of numbing, anger and disbelief, even as they cooked the turkey, sat with relatives, held babies and connected with family as best they could.
Still others say that the passage of years doesn't lessen the tears or heartache. There is something about the Holidays, particularly Thanksgiving, that bring back feelings of love and loss as you look around the table.
A New Perspective on Grieving
One way to handle Thanksgiving if we are grieving for a loved one is to reconsider the meaning of grieving.
Whereas early psychological theory always associated grieving with "letting go," newer relational perspectives remind us that our sense of self is based on the relationships we have and those that we carry within us.
From this newer perspective, the role of grieving is not to "let go" but " to hold on" in a different way.
Grieving becomes a journey to preserve our attachment to a lost loved one, to connect in our head and our heart in a way that transcends loss.
How is This Possible?
This is not easy, simple or quick, but it is a psychologically possible and emotionally restorative.
It is not incompatible with the holidays. In fact, it may be helped by the holidays.
It means going on while holding on-with tears, without closure, with a brick of pain in your pocket, with a mix of memories, with the fear of forgetting– as well as with the need to remember the stories, the names, the laughter, the moments, the loved one.
As Louise Kaplan invites in her book, No Voice is Ever Wholly Lost, it means that the dialogue with a loved one can go on and become a way of maintaining psychological connection.
It means having the realization that the physical death of your loved one is not the end of your attachment.
Grieving for My Mother This Thanksgiving
This will be the first Thanksgiving without my mother. She died at 95 years, a few days after Christmas 2014 when she saw her great granddaughter for the first time. She had waited.
This Thanksgiving, in my heart and mind and despite my missing her, she will be there. As a person who loved to cook and loved watching family and friends eat even more than cooking, she will be remembered in the stories told and in the family rituals carried on by friends, children and grandchildren.
At some point when I am reminding my children of something they already know, they will tell me," You are turning into Nauna." At other times I will hear myself speaking and think the same thing.
But isn't that the way it goes? Isn't that the way we carry those we love?
Grieving is never easy but it can be a process of re-connection even during the Holidays.
This Thanksgiving, hold on to those you love who surround you and carry those you love who you have lost—They will be an enduring presence in your life.
In the United States, the latest evidence reports that 40,600 people died of suicide in 2012 and the number has been increasing. More Americans die from suicide than from car accidents. It is the second leading cause of death in college students, and the third leading cause of death in adolescents and young adults.
In the military the rate is even higher. In 2012 more soldiers died from suicide than in combat and as of 2014, the numbers were again on the rise.
"Suicide is a Personal and Interpersonal Disaster"
These words of suicide expert, Edwin Shneidman, underscore that for every person who dies by suicide, there are families and friends who are left behind facing devastating loss.
Haunted by the question of why, struggling with loss, anger, guilt and shame, their grief is complicated by their inner pain as well as by the stigma and silence of the outside world.
When survivors are left alone with this traumatic loss, when they are faced with judgment of themselves and their loved ones in a way that perpetuates shame and secrecy, they get locked into pain and out of life and recovery.
"Postvention is prevention for the next decade and for the next generation."
One of the most significant risks for a person whose emotional pain has become so unbearable that it feels intolerable, inescapable and interminable, is a family member who has died by suicide.
As much as we have recognized the need to be alert to prevention and intervention for those suffering from the emotional pain of depression, PTSD, bi-polar disorder etc., we recognize the need for postvention– support and care for those who are survivors of suicide loss.
What Helps Survivors Cope and Go Forward?
Care and Connection with family and friends
It is physically and psychologically stabilizing for survivors to feel the support of family and friends, co-workers, and neighbors who can offer compassion and help in some of these ways:
Professional Help
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Veterans Crisis Hotline 1-800-273-8255
These are valuable for anyone to know and suggest as resources.
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day
Having been present at this day for a number of years, I will say it is a true example of people healing in community. It is what trauma expert, Robert Stolorow means when he says that after traumatic loss people need to find an emotional home to come into the language of their emotional experience—to begin to heal.
Care, Connect and Support Healing
For a couple, in addition to all that it demands in terms of the reality of time, space, roles, money, kids and deployment cycles, homecoming means finding a way to integrate all that has happened to each partner into the relationship they share.
It doesn't matter which partner actually arrives home. On many levels both have to "come home" together.
As a couple that means coming to know themselves and their partner – falling in love again.
How Does that Happen?
Couples do this in their own way, in their own time, knowing that they are not alone. They so often find that even more than the hours waiting to be rescued, the hours of driving in the dessert, the flight from Bagdad, and the applause and embrace of those waiting, the journey home is the one they will take together in the many months, even years that follow.
Listed below are some considerations gleaned from others who have traveled this path as well as from those who have worked with and guided them home.
The Excitement and Fear of Homecoming
Emotional Time Warp
In some ways homecomings throw you into an emotional time warp. One day you are a marine serving with dust, death, and combat or a partner at home coping with the kids and life and then – life changes.
The Romantic Interlude
Travel Light
In their valuable book, Wheels down: Adjusting to Life after Deployment, Bret Moore and Carrie Kennedy offer some advice worth holding for you and your partner.
They recognize that you will have the urge to party, feel free, and go out to celebrate your homecoming.
They urge you to:
The Pause that Refreshes
A common expectation that partners may have in the glow of "Homecoming" is the belief that they should share every waking moment together.
Homecomings are about transitions on many levels. On the broadest level they represent a transition from the past that you once knew and shared together to a future which may seem uncertain and difficult as you find a way to adjust to changes. As you proceed look for the resilience you have always had and the bond that you once shared. Look for the person you once loved in yourself and in your partner – and fall in love again.
Thank You and Your Families for Your Service
Fictional Characters Are Not The Only Ones Drinking.
Whether we consider that fiction reflects our behavior, influences what we do or both, the reality is that women are drinking more than they ever and their drink of choice seems to be wine. In her book, Her Best Kept Secret: Why Women Drink and How They Can Regain Control, Gabrielle Glaser notes that women love wine and the wine industry loves their biggest consumers. Given its branding as a " healthy choice," it is consumed in public or private, while making dinner, with dinner and after dinner.
On one hand, wine is a healthy choice. Experts report that that a glass of wine a day is heart healthy and a study in The New England Journal of medicine evaluating 12,000 women aged 70-81 found the moderate drinkers had 23% reduced mental decline compared with nondrinkers.
The Problem Is Moderation–The Risks Are Too Dangerous.
What Compromises Moderation?
What we see and hear from our favorite fictional characters and what Eric Asimov even implies in his article is that Alicia Florrick, " The Good Wife," Olivia Pope of " Scandal," and others, don't just love wine—they drink to self-medicate.
Similarity between Fiction and Reality
In many ways the motivation of Alicia Florrick and Olivia Pope for drinking is consistent with what author, Gabrielle Glaser and Cathy Stanley, former addictions counselor and watchdog for the DUI court, consider a cause for the increase in overdrinking in women—regulation of stress. In this culture women not only deal with the stress of work commitments; but with multi-demanding roles as working mother, spouse, home manager, community volunteer etc.
Difference Between Fiction and Reality
The difference is the gap between fiction and fact.
In fiction, the message is that the glass of wine really works – it usually does. In fiction, however, characters don't face the reality that if drinking becomes your " fix," the first glass that " works" often leads to more. It sabotages other ways of regulating stress. It sabotages your functioning.
Unless consciously regulated, loving and drinking wine stops being healthy for you and those you love.
Be Healthy: Take this Drinking Self-Assessment Test
Actually what Dr. Oettingen offers is an important fine-tuning of positive thinking. What she suggests based on her research is not that positive thinking is problematic, but that positive thinking about a goal without a plan—be it about losing weight, passing the test, or finding a job- leaves you likely to fail. She suggests that positive thinking alone may "fool our minds into perceiving" that we have attained the goal.
Mental Contrasting
The solution is not negative thinking but what she calls " mental contrasting."
Essentially Gabrielle Oettingen's message here and elaborated in her book, Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, does not negate positive thinking–it expands it. It operationalizes positive thinking as a motivator to making a plan that overcomes obstacles to a goal.
For me, a poignant example of positive thinking with a plan, comes from Jerome Groopman's book, The Anatomy of Hope.
In it Groopman describes the case of an esteemed physician, Dr. George Griffin, known worldwide as an expert on stomach cancer. When George himself is diagnosed with a deadly form of stomach cancer, the treatment he demands is so harsh that as the staff watches him dying in ICU from the impact, they wonder why he choose it.
When Groopman visits him 13 years later, he asks Dr. Griffin why he would take such a chance. Dr. Griffin answers that he knew the risks and the odds of the treatment; but for as long as he could hold on to a shred of hope, his plan was to fight the cancer—he was not going down without a fight.
We need the positive thinking to risk trying and we need to try to make our dreams possible.
When a natural disaster hits, there is anxiety, and traumatic loss but such events have a clear beginning and end. Natural disasters are devastating but there are few unknowns. With the collective loss, there is often collective care and support. In the aftermath of a hurricane that destroys and our neighbor's home, we run to help him rebuild.
In the face of epidemics we lock our doors. Threatened by contagion, terrified by unknown risks, we move into fear-based survival mode. We isolate. We ruminate. We become saturated with media warnings and shaken by shards of frightening information and even conspiracy theories.
Fear Overrides Empathy
Such fear challenges empathy. Leslie Jamison, Author of The Empathy Exams tells us that the word empathy comes from the Greek (em) meaning "into" and (pathos) meaning " feeling." She suggests that to be empathic is to be willing to enter into another's feelings – their emotional country. It means to cross the boarder to enter into their experience.
We resist entering into illness and death. We can't go to that country literally or emotionally.
We are human and we are frightened.
Coping with the Fear and Uncertainly of Ebola: Strategies
Working from the Body Out
One of the most important ways to cope with fear and uncertainty is to pay attention to body rhythms.
Sleeping is crucial in regulating the anxiety and worry that disrupt body's rhythms.
Finding A Way Back to Empathy
Empathy toward others – compassion for, concern, outreach puts us in a positive place physiologically and psychologically.
Becoming Informed-Not Flooded
Balancing your focus on Ebola with your focus on daily life, enjoyable events, your children's issues, marriage plans and work related goals is a valuable way of staying aware and staying healthy. Living your life the best way you in spite of fear, fuels the resilience we need to deal with what we cannot control.
Finding a Way To Hope
Holocaust Survivor, Elie Wiesel tells us, "…Just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
In the face of frightening life events with unknown causes, it is often another person's words, beliefs, touch, laugh, or courage that stirs and helps us hold on to hope.
A vital factor to holding hope is our human connection.
Football players are not the only men who succumb to domestic violence and they are not the only ones whose behavior is covered and condoned by silence.
Domestic Violence is physical assault and or psychological abuse, intimidation or coercion perpetrated by a person in an intimate relationship to maintain control over a partner. Eighty-five percent of domestic violence victims are women.
Statistics tell us that:
Silence fuels Domestic Violence on many levels.
On the personal level, silence is the cover-up of the individual incident or chronic pattern of abuse endured or denied out of fear, shame, self-blame, or protection of children.
It is a concern that you more often hear neighbors say, "Why does she stay?" as opposed to, "How dare he do that?"
On a cultural level, according to Michael Paymar, author of Violent No More and producer of the documentary, "With Impunity: Men & Gender Violence," silence condones and enables male entitlement to dominate, objectify and marginalize women.
It is telling that calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline increased 84% during the week of September 8, 2014, the week that the Rice video became public.
Whether viewers watched with horror, disbelief or morbid curiosity, everyone was talking about it and for a brief time, the silence about domestic violence was broken.
Cultural Acceptance of Male Domination Fuels Domestic Violence
In a radio show, I asked Michael Paymar, who has spent a lifetime working to end Domestic Violence, if he believed we could reduce and eliminate domestic violence. His answer of hope was tempered with what he described as the explicit and implicit cultural acceptance of male domination of women with impunity. Consider the following:
Accepted Cultural Norms
For some men, the acceptance of their domestic violence is unquestioned by them and everyone around them- " She deserved it."
Sadly, as Michael Paymar reports, this attitude is called into question only when a spouse leaves them, they lose their children, police intervene or they are incarcerated or mandated into treatment.
The Deluth Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, which Paymar developed with Ellen Pence is the most widely used program in the country. Paymar reports that in the program, which uses a group model, it is often only the confrontation by other men of the emotional, spiritual and physical destructiveness of the abuser's " tough guy" armor that helps a man see it differently. Palmer reports that when men stay with the program and find the voice to help others, they take responsibility for their abuse and have some hope of changing.
Intergeneration Legacy of Violence
Some men live out a legacy of violence and abuse that they have observed and suffered as a child. Their childhood was one of fear and domination. Findings confirm that in many cases they themselves have also been victims of abuse.
One man revealed that he watched his father beat his mother with fear and hate for the man, vowing he would never do that. It was hard to admit that as an adult he could not regulate his rage and was abusive to one female partner after another. In treatment, he found a stronger and safer self.
Media Bombardment
For all men and women, young and old, the culture's heightened, non-stop, media bombardment of images, violent pornography, sexual websites, sexual trafficking, and hook-up mentality perpetuates a message of male entitlement and dominance with impunity.
Is Change Possible?
Change is not easy but possible, because as Jackson Katz, reminds us,
There are " More than a Few Good Men."
The message of The Macho Paradox is that our hope for ending domestic violence is found in the voices of strong responsible men. Yes, it is a risk to take a stand, to go against the flow, to be the only voice to say, "That could be your daughter." " Would you say that about your sister?" –but isn't that what courage and strength are about? Don't we need to support those who show that courage?
When the visible and powerful men (Politicians, Professional Athletes, Commissioners, Teachers, School Administrators, College Coaches, Military Commanders, CEO's, etc.) vocally stand up against domestic violence, they undo the cultural acceptance of male domination with impunity.
When college Presidents, Professors and Coaches voice messages like:
…They offer students the guidance they still need.
When fathers and brothers look for the teachable moments to voice a perspective about abusive relationships in a film, a video game or news story, they become a voice that might be remembered.
The recent video of Ray Rice knocking out his fiancé' was too real to be ignored. It caught the attention of fans and more. It escalated outrage and consequences for other professional athlete abusers and the powerful people who minimized their crimes.
If this breaks the silence and calls attention to domestic violence, everyone takes a step.
If this is a short-lived outcry—We need to keep raising voices!!
Video Games Go Mainstream
Long considered the domain of solitary male teens cordoned off in their bedroom obsessed with games, video gaming has entered the mainstream.
Unexpected Benefits
A closer look at video gaming and its applications reveals social, psychological, educational, medical and health benefits. Here are just some of those benefits:
Social Benefits
Psychological Benefits
Stress Reliever
Reducing Negative Feelings about Self
Increased Self-Esteem
Given the public venues that applaud video gaming and the increased family and adult use, video gaming has potential in promoting competence and self-esteem in the eyes of peers as well as parenting figures.
The application of video games and gaming strategies to educational curriculums changes the experience of learning. In a Psych Up podcast on this subject, Michael Lynch, video gamer, software developer and educational game designer for STEM (Science, technology, education and math) describes himself as an underachiever in grade school whose learning would have been greatly improved by gamification and classroom technology.
What Does that Mean?
Consider using the same elements that glue children and adults to video games for learning. According to educational researchers Hammer & Lee, learning becomes as engaging as playing a game because:
Given the pressure and controversy over testing and test scores in education, the use of gaming techniques that make learning an exciting quest for knowledge is a very important and welcomed possibility.
One finding that may give parents pause to reconsider benefits of video games involves the proficiency of surgeons. In a study conducted by Dr. Rosser with 300 surgeons, he found that surgeons who had played video games in the past for more than three hours per week made 37-percent fewer errors, were 27-percent faster and scored 26-percent better overall than surgeons who never played video games!
While we are increasingly told that exercise is comparable to medicine in preventing the development of heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, breast and colon cancer, depression, and falls, we are often hard pressed to get up and do it.
Many have been helped by " Gaming" techniques and products that offer ongoing motivation due to instant feedback, encouragement and the re-enforcement of seeing results.
We are startled when we consider the number of hours that young people spend playing video games and maybe surprised to know how many in every age group have joined them. As a professional in the field of video game application, Michael Lynch suggests,
" Don't' be afraid of technology…Embrace it. It is exciting and can open doors for you and your children."
Cybersex can include viewing sexual images or content online, talking about the material with others online, or engaging in two-way conversations about sex acts. It can also include the use of Web cameras to engage in sexual acts with another partner online.
The Importance of Information
Knowledge and information is empowering because it usually lowers anxiety. With regard to Cybersex it is worth knowing:
When is Cybersex an Addiction?
Cybersex is considered an addiction when like any addiction to drugs and alcohol, it involves an obsessive and compelling need for a " fix" at the cost of anyone and anything.
It is often a "fix" for regulating feelings like anxiety, despair, self-doubt, rage, and fear of abandonment that has little to do with love or real intimacy
Despite promises to stop, there is an inability to do so despite grave physical, social, economic and emotional consequences.
I felt guilty because I avoided sex with my wife. I kept thinking I could stop. I couldn't.
I stayed until everyone left the office. I took a lot of risks.
Has this Hi-Tech Culture caused Cybersex Addiction?
Author and cybersex expert, Rob Weiss clarifies that while our tech advances don't cause the addiction, the anonymity, accessibility and affordability of the internet has greatly increased " the risk" of those people with addictive personalities who seek an outside fix to deal with regulation of feelings.
Cybersex is physically and neurophysiologically transformative. It affords temporary pleasure and release but it is a fix that can't last.
How Can I Speak to My Partner?
When and how you speak to your partner is a function of your feelings, the status of your relationship and the need to clarify reality before acting on frightened judgments or assumptions.
There are some partners who might realize their partner had accessed a porn site and just let it go. They would move on and see if there was any evidence in terms of feelings, desire, fun or connection that warranted concern.
There are others who would not be able to rest or think anything but the worst until they had mentioned it to their partner.
In his valuable book, Mindwise, Nicholas Epley uses research to remind us that as good as we think we know ourselves and our partner, the reality is that we are often only a little better than a stranger at correctly reading what they are feeling or thinking. Based on that, he strongly encourages us to draw upon humility and curiosity to ask.
In the case of cybersex, the suggestion is to " go lightly" to share what you found. If there is denial, insult at your checking or counterattack, it is worth waiting it out or at a later time mentioning that you brought it up not as judgment but to clear the air and your own mind from worrying.
Maybe this is a point where each would consider reflecting upon questions like the following before even discussing them:
Going Forward…
For a number of people the discussion about cybersex may simply inform them more about each other.
For others it may result in an agreement to be more open rather than a ban on cybersex.
Some may go many painful rounds of confrontation, promising and denial before the reality of a cybersex addiction is owned.
Dealing with Cybersex Addiction
As discussed in an earlier blog, no one recovers from a cybersex addiction without help and no one recovers for someone else.
Recovery is possible and may start with sexual rehab programs or 12 step programs; but there are specific challenges that make sustained commitment, self imposed restrictions and ongoing work with a sponsor, therapist and/ or group indispensible.
There is always more to know about ourselves and our partners. We live in a Hi-Tech Culture which has the potential to push us "closer together or further apart." In the end…we decide.
Listen in to the Podcast on Psych UP or the radio show on Cosozo Radio to hear Rob Weiss discuss "Is High Tech pushing us Closer Together or Further Apart?"
If you have ever said or heard someone say " We Need to Talk," you know that those words rarely invite closeness, valuable communication or good memories!
The reality is that communication between couples is complex and involves much more than talking–particularly when talking is on demand, without attention to the cues of the other and without the on-going life experiences that tell partners about each other in spoken and unspoken ways.
There is often more mutual understanding that comes from spontaneous sharing in the midst of living—than rehashing issues in the well caricatured " Woody Allen Style."
Here are some suggestions for those times when alternatives to talking may be worth considering:
After a Cease-Fire–Re-set the Relationship
The period of time in which there is a cease-fire after an argument is not the best time to talk.
Yes, there may be more to say…
Yes, You may feel you have the ability to just clarify…
But, the most effective thing you can do is to re-set the relationship with an experience of your positive connection as a platform for going forward.
"Do you want to get something to eat?"
"Do you want to see the next episode of that series?"
When Sharing Time Together–Use Affection
I have often had partners complain to me that when sharing time with their spouse or partner the other " doesn't talk."
They, of course, are tired of making conversation and often complain to the other " You never talk." This approach generally seals the deal for more silence and adds defensive tension to the car ride or walk in the park.
If you observe young lovers, be they in the mall, at a movie line, walking in the park or even stuck in traffic, they are not necessarily speaking. They are communicating with affection. They are holding hands. One or the other has an arm around the other. Someone is rubbing an arm, a neck. They are usually smiling and they are communicating together!
Replacing accusation with affection may make for a very different exchange.
In Face of Exhaustion–Value Sleep
No matter how much you feel you need to discuss an issue, settle a fight or plan for a wedding, when the other is exhausted and has indicated that in body language (like sleeping) or verbally (" I really need to sleep"), the best thing you can do for your relationship, your partner and your particular cause is – value the sleep.
In the Heat of a Romantic Moment–Keep it Going
Every couple knows or comes to know their own best moves and moments for intimacy. No matter what you have read in the latest magazine or online site, if your partner has indicated that speaking in the throes of the erotic moment is not a turn-on, don't speak!!
On the other hand, one of the effective ways that couples extend the romantic moments and affirm their partner is to reference their positive feelings after the lovemaking—that day, the next day, the next week.
Couples experience increased closeness (long-distance partners do this well) when they use words to keep the loving going be it in a comment, a text, a note or email.
Such affirmation increases the likeliness of more closeness as it builds confidence, reduces the fear of rejection or the experience of sexual relating as merely functional rather than loving.
In Competition With Technology–Use It
" I am in the middle of talking and you need to text someone else?"
" Speak to me instead of to your phone."
While there is little doubt that having a partner randomly start to text in the middle of something you are saying is nothing that enhances intimacy, the degree to which it disrupts the evening probably depends on your age. If you are over the age of 40 and more likely a "digital immigrant" than a "digital native" you may be more appalled. If younger, it may be a bleep in the conversation.
Using Technology
One possibility for enhancing the connection and communication between partners is to use technology as a " Shared Option" in the relationship.
That is, let the call that comes in, the need to check a message, the text that bleeps, be points of information that can be dropped, discussed or ignored.
The notion of an " Shared Option" is that when together, an interruption may have the potential to expand the space you share rather than take either of you away from each other or out of the discussion.
Most partners go about their day without " telling" their partner every move they make or text they send but…
When sharing time together, to take a call, send a text or check something on-line without referencing it to your partner is to metaphorically get up and walk out of the room.
It also overlooks the very interesting possibility of using technology to invite communication– be it spontaneous discussion, shared annoyance at the outsider or a just a chance to laugh at something together.
So perhaps there are times when we need to " Stop Talking" to really get closer!


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1996 Jayco Discovery Caravan - excellent condition. One owner. Airconditioned. Electric brakes. Dual Axle. 3 way fridge. Gas oven - used once. Roll out awing. Full annexe. Sway Bars. Licensed until January 2015.
Jayco Discovery PopTop.
2013 (Jun 2013 build, purchased Jul 2013).
Excellent condition, would suit new van buyer.
Single axle means easy towing. (Tare 1324kg, ATM 1624kg, empty ball 108kg, max ball 153kg)
Island double bed with front kitchen.
3 way fridge.
Reverse cycle aircon (heating and coo...ling).
TV and wind up aerial.
Stove top (3 gas, 1 electric), griller (never used).
Roll out awning.
Extras include 3 x shade screens for awning, awning mat, caravan cover, ...
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Front / Rear Beds (1 x Queen and 1 x Double)
Dinette converts to bed
Reverse cycle air-conditioner
Central Kitchen (Grill never used)
Microwave Oven
Fridge / Freezer
Rollaway awning
Full attachable annex (made to order 2 years ago) includes windows
Gas hotplates
Fire extingu...isher and smoke alarm
2 gas bottles
Water tank
Under body storage
Beautiful condition hardly used
show more
Delivered in August 2014
Complete with
16" wheel upgrade 245/70R16
ALCO ESC (electronic stability control)
1 x 100amp batteries
150w roof mounted Solar panel
Slide out lounge on electronic drive
Upgraded RM2553 Dometic 3 way fridge (185L)
Coleman ...Mach 8 slim line roof mounted AC unit with remote control
External mains water tap
22L gas electric hot water system
3 gas burners 1 electric stove top+grill+oven
Sphere Convection ...
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A tandem poptop in near new condition. Had a service at 1000kms and 10000 kms. Been across the Nullabour once in 2013. Has A/C, microwave, gas/electric stove , gas oven, Wyngard windup aerial and an inner spring mattress. Fitted with solar connection point and a 600w Pure Sine Wave inverter. Comes c...omplete with a shower tent, 12v shower pump and a Thetford Porta Potti. Also has all the normal accessories like 15amp cord, waste and water hoses and a privacy screen. It has a very comfortable ...
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Jayco Freedom Poptop single axel, double island bed, r/c a/c, front kitchen,3 way fridge,
full annex, bike carrier. Used 2 weeks in last 4 years.
If you are not a grey nomad, most caravans are used for 4 weeks a year and spend the rest of the year taking up space around your block.Why not split the costs of owning and maintaining a Caravan but still get plenty of access for when you want to take off?
I'm looking to put together a syndicate o...f 4 part owners of a Jayco Destiny or similar caravan costing around $25,000-$30,000 so a quarter share would be around $7,000. Looking for two syndicate members with school age children and one ...
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Jayco 18" tandem poptop in excellent condition throughout!!!. Licenced. Good tyres including the spare. It has front kitchen with plenty of cupboard space.with double bed in the back. Has good size couches around table with storage space with in an under bed. New Lino throughout. Fridge an oven in g...ood working order. Front storage box. Tows very well.
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Single axle popup Caravan Single beds Sigle axle electric brakes full vinyl annex and roll out awning and all spares and hoses, wheel bearings service all in excellent condition ready to go with battery and electric controller has been stored in a garage. Single beds with DVD player and stereo. Cara...van in excellent condition.
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Excellent condition 22 ft Jayco Stirling Caravan. Only used a couple of times. Can sleep 4. Queen sized main bed, shower, toilet, washing machine, flat screen TV DVD/CD Radio, 4 burner top and full sized oven. 3 way large fridge. Air conditioned, full sized annexe. Go on, travel in style. What more ...could you wish for? Please phone or text to arrange a viewing.
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