text:
Always need to be reminded of this!
(Source: living-for-my-jesus)
Always need to be reminded of this!
(Source: living-for-my-jesus)
Before you read this, take a second. Pray, breathe, stretch, do whatever you need to do in order to have a clear mind and an open heart. This is a tricky subject and I'm not writing about this to pass judgment on anyone, I'm simply explaining the Catholic stance on this issue. Ready? Here we go.
Two weeks ago we discussed contraception in RCIA and it could not have been at a more opportune moment. It was when the legislation Obama presented about birth control really started coming to the forefront of the news and was what everyone talked about. Deacon Larry did a wonderful job at this talk, being informative but at the same time sensitive to the fact everyone in class comes from a different background (so hopefully I'll channel him in this post). The first point to make when it comes to the Catholic Church's stance against contraception is that sex is something that is do be done in marriage. God intended it to be a way to both unite between the spouses, but also to be procreative and make cute little babies. Sex is not something to take lightly and isn't a game. I know most of you out there are thinking "it's human nature to have sex." And you're totally right. But it has a time and a place. It's like sweets. They're delicious and you definitely crave it, but if you have it all the time or at the wrong time like say breakfast (though cinnamon rolls are amazing), then it loses its value and can become bad for you. Just look at our society- we're becoming so sexualized and blase about it that commercials are becoming soft core porn videos and kids are now on average sexually active by age 10. The Church says that a huge reason for this downturn is the inception of contraception.
When the pill was introduced, studies were conducted about sexual activity and divorce rates, as proponents of the pill made a lot of promises about stronger marriages and a reduction in unwanted pregnancies. The divorce rate pre 1960 was about 25%. After 1970 it jumped to 50%. When it comes to unwanted pregnancy rates, in 1960 5% of white pregnancies and 22% of black pregnancies were unwanted. Compare that to 1994 and 22% of white and 68% of black pregnancies. Today, there are about 1.5 million abortions a year (disclaimer, these stats are from class that I wrote down and therefore do not have the sites, so don't yell at me). What appears to have happened with the introduction of the pill, if you look at these statistics along with cultural shifts, is that the responsibilities of sex have gone away and now there's a belief that sex does not have consequences. What's interesting is that there were five promises made by proponents of the pill about how it would affect society. Pope Paul the VI created counter arguments in his encyclical "On Human Life" detailing how each of those promises would be invalid, basing his argument on the Bible and Catholic teaching. Guess who was right?
For all you environmentalists out there, you might get a kick out of this. Due to a result of widespread usage of the pill in Boulder, CO, there was an increase of estrogen in the water (pill puts estrogen in the body, leaves body through urine, urine to water). This influx of estrogen caused the fish to go from 50/50 male to female ratio, to 5/90/5 male to female to intersex. Switzerland, Western Washington, Canada, there is evidence of this all over.
There are many known medical side effects of contraception. Increased risks in breast cancer and heart disease (which, aren't those the two main health issues women face today?), as well as weight gain, irritability, infertility, and decreased libido. The way contraception works is that at first it prevents ovulation. If it doesn't do that, then it acts as a barrier to sperm by increasing the viscosity of the mucous. And just in case that fails too, it makes the lining of the uterus hostile so if an egg is fertilized, it aborts it. In my opinion, none of that sounds fun. The health risks alone turn me off. And then to top it off, it turns my natural body into a machine. Menstruating is normal. It sucks, and once a month it causes me to eat my weight in chocolate and watch The Notebook over and over, but that's part of being a woman. Controlling that makes it seem like it's some kind of disease and there's something wrong with women. If you don't believe me, just watch the latest episode of Modern Family. It seems to me like this kind of contraception enforces that. And as a last resort it will abort the fetus. I think we all know how Catholics feel about abortion, so no need to get into that.
Until 1930, all Christian churches were against contraception. So what changed? My guess is that churches decided to become "progressive" and in order to retain members, bent the rules and allowed contraception. Progressive is a funny word, and I think we need to be careful before we do something we think is progressive. Ending slavery? Absolutely the right progressive move for our society. Easy access to abortion? Not so much. Something I worried about before hearing all the facts was family planning. I want to have children, but I want to make sure my husband and I are ready emotionally and financially for when that day comes. The Church is a huge believer in Natural Family Planning, and while at first I was skeptical, now I'm on board. First off, it has the same success rate as contraception at 96%. But the best part is the mentality it creates with the couple. It increases communication, sex is viewed as a gift rather than just another activity, and divorce rates for NFP couples is almost 0. Oh wait, I didn't mention the side effects for women. That's because there are none.
There's this stereotype out there that people who are against contraception think anyone who uses it is a whore. Let me just say right now that is not true. Rush Limbaugh is a jackass and what he did is inexcusable and embarrassing. I have many friends who are sexually active and use contraception, and whore isn't even the last word I would use to describe them because I would never use that word for them as they are amazing people. But what I think the message that unfortunately is not getting across is the culture surrounding contraception and the mentality of it. Are you using the argument that it's human nature to have sex, so I'm going to take the pill and go out and have a bunch of one night stands? That situation might need an examination of conscience and a lot of self-reflection about your reasoning. The Church does not want to control your body, but rather you control it through your actions rather than your medication. And let's not take the responsibility from men- you guys out there, are you more sexually active because now society has put the responsibility in the hands of the woman so now you're free? This is such a huge issue and if you've read this far, thank you and I apologize if I offended you, as that was absolutely the very last thing I would ever want to do. Oh gosh I just realized I didn't even touch on the fact that this legislation is a major violation of freedom of religion. But alas, maybe that will be another post. Easter is coming up very soon, so please pray for not only me, but everyone who is being confirmed. Love you all!
Last week I participated in the first public profession of my conversion. It's called the Rite of Welcome and I am now officially a candidate for confirmation. I was a little nervous about the whole thing, mainly because my RCIA leader just told me to follow along and I'd be fine. Let me just say that when it comes to Catholic rituals, you can't just follow along and be fine because you will be so unbelievably confused. Luckily I had an amazing woman, Sarah, stand in as my sponsor and she calmed my nerves through the whole thing. All of us who were being welcomed (or accepted if you're unbaptized) stood in a circle in the parish gathering space. I was just standing there talking to Sarah when all of a sudden I heard singing and people shuffling. I looked into the chapel and saw all of the parishioners walking towards us with their hymn books in hand, following Father Scott and a woman carrying a huge crucifix. Honestly it was one of the most intimidating sights I have ever seen.
Father Scott and the woman went to each of us individually and asked us what we sought for in our confirmation journey. We had to put our hands on the crucifix and answer, with mine being "full communion in the Church." After we all said what our intentions were, we walked into the chapel and stood with our sponsors at the foot of the altar while the parishioners walked back to the pews. Father Scott then had all of the sponsors turn to their candidate or catechumen and make the Sign of the Cross on various parts of the body. Our eyes so that we may see Jesus, our hands so we may do His work, our feet so we may walk in His footsteps, you get the idea. Afterwards we were dismissed to the pews for the rest of Mass. The picture up top is a great one Mom took during all this.
I loved all the pomp and circumstance that came with this. It made the weight of the Church that much more important. You can't just walk in and be Catholic. There's a process set because there are so many traditions and teachings, and out of respect for Jesus and the Church people need to be taught what they are getting into. Becoming Christian is a huge deal and should never be taken lightly. I know of churches that do massive baptisms where anyone can jump out of their seat and get dunked. While saving people is fantastic (and if you're not baptized I encourage you to look into it!) they don't know what they're really getting into. I was reading the Book of James this morning and he talks about how faith without works means nothing. Well, if you're baptized on the spur of the moment and have no idea how to be a Christian, you're doing yourself and the Christian community a disservice. Now to become Catholic, there is not some kind of interview where the priest decides who does and does not become Catholic. Everyone is accepted, it's just that everyone needs to know what they are doing before they take the Eucharist.
Having my mom there for it was absolutely incredible. She is my rock in all of this and it meant so much to me that she not only came, but took me out to a great dinner and really made this an event for our family. Her support means the world to me. What I realized that night, though, was that I have the support of my entire parish. When Mom and I were walking out, an older man walked up to me and shook my hand, congratulating me on my decision to become Catholic. "I am so excited for you, and know that you are in my family's prayers." I have no idea who he was and he was so kind and genuine that I really want to personally thank him for welcoming me. Having a stranger's support made me realize how wonderful of a community I am joining. My family and my friends from Newman have been supportive throughout all of this, but a stranger? He doesn't even know me and I'm in his prayers. If you are reading this and you are considering conversion but feel like you have no one there to support you, you're wrong. You will have people you have never even met supporting and praying for you. You will be welcomed into this family with open arms, excited that you want to become Catholic. It is a love reminiscent of Christ. He doesn't care who you are- as long as you come to Him, you'll have His love.
First of all, I'm so sorry for the lack of posting during the holiday season. I'd like to say it was because I was so incredibly busy when really it was just because I forgot. RCIA was cancelled for a couple of weeks and I put this blog on the back burner. But now, RCIA and I are both back in full swing, which means many more blogs!
Last week we began our series on the Commandments and we paid particular attention to the Commandment to not take the Lord's name in vain. I have never taken God's name in vain, ever. If I ever say "God willing" of "Oh God help us" it is always a cry to Him, not just a mere evoking of His name in conversation. So you can imagine my boredom when this topic came up. But once again, God teaches me something through my catechists. Whatever Catholics do it is always in the name of God. The Mass itself is in His name. The first thing we do when the Priest comes in and leads us is we all cross ourselves and say "In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." I've said these words for who knows how many Sundays, and it never crossed my mind how meaningful that was (another example of how Catholics think everything through). John, the catechist leading the discussion, brought up another way we break this Commandment. How many times do we tell someone we will pray for them, but we never do? We say it because we want to seem like a good and Godly person when really we just don't know what else to say to someone who is pouring out their problems and we just feel uncomfortable and awkward. I'm not too proud to admit I've done this a number of times. I've told someone I'd pray for them and then never did. I wanted to seem like a good person but then my selfishness pushed it out of my mind and when it came time for my nightly prayer I prayed for myself and things that affected me and nothing else. Telling someone you'll pray for them without a true intention of doing it is taking the Lord's name in vain. You're evoking a spiritual act with no follow through. I've never realized I was taking His name in vain when I did this. I thought that as long as I didn't say His name I was good. But isn't God bigger than a name?
God has really been working through some amazing people in my life and I just am so grateful to Him for all of my family and friends. For a while Mass was really difficult for me because I was going all by myself. I brought this up to my mother, who is not Catholic but an incredibly devout Christian, and the next weekend when I woke up for church I found out she was awake too because she said she was coming with me. At first it was weird for her (which for anyone who has been to Mass and not been Catholic will tell you) but she has grown to absolutely love it. Now every Sunday we go to Mass and then out for brunch afterwards. That is God's work right there. I'm so blessed to have a mother that not only accepts my new faith, but supports me by going to Mass with me voluntarily. I've also gotten to go to Seattle a lot lately to see friends I made while at the Newman Center, and my goodness they are just fantastic. I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw my friend Dawn but when we met up for lunch it was as if no time had passed at all. She is the only person who I feel truly understands all of me, not just the part I show the world, and we only met one year ago at the retreat that introduced me to Catholicism. Tyler and I went to see Mat Kearney and Florence + the Machine a few weeks ago, which was so much fun. I'm a concert junkie, so to share this part of my life with him was fantastic. I have the Rite of Elect in a month (which I of course will explain in a later post) and Ty is coming up to act as my sponsor, and I'm so grateful to God to have friends willing to drive and sacrifice their time for me. Hopefully Alex, who I got to see at Christmas, will be able to be here for Easter (still working on the kinks on that one) but I know I have a ton of people who have my back and are supporting me in my faith.
I received a message from someone who is going through RCIA as well, but unfortunately does not have the support of their family for this process. To the person who sent that, you're in my prayers (and I actually mean that!) and I hope that your family one day sees how Catholicism is the right path for you. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read these posts, and please message me if you want advice or can give me advice :)
Love, Kyle
I pray. A ton. When I'm in my car, when I'm working out, when I grocery shop,
I pray. Sometimes these are elaborate prayers for guidance and help. Sometimes
it's just a quick note. Like "wow, thanks for the great parking spot God"
or "God give me patience to not run this pedestrian over." I like to think
of these as little text messages to Him. You know all those things you text
to your best friend or brother? Well you can't text that to God so instead
I just say a little comment. For me prayer is the way I feel closest to
Him. I remember getting into a discussion with a friend of mine about when
we feel closest to Him. For her it was the Bible. For me, it's prayer. Whatever
you do that makes you feel closest to God then by all means do it. This is
just my two cents on prayer.
I think prayer has a bad reputation. People get so intimidated by it. People
ask themselves if they're praying right, are there special words or phrases
they need to say, whether or not they have to kneel. Let me tell you this-
there is no wrong way to pray. If you don't know what to say there are tons
of prayers out there, all you have to do is recite it and say amen at the
end. Simple as that. If you do know what to say, then go for it. God just
wants you to talk to him, He doesn't care what you say. Think about your
parents who are happy when you call, even when it's just for a recipe. They
just want to hear your voice. Same with God. He just wants to hear your voice.
Last week at RCIA we learned about praying the rosary, which is one of the
most sacred prayers in Catholicism. It's actually a collection of prayers
said over and over (for more info on the rosary, go here). I've only prayed
the rosary once in my life, and that was only at a Newman retreat. I had
no idea what I was doing and had to look at a cheat sheet for it. I wish
I prayed it more but repetition just isn't my thing. I get bored and too
easily distracted. But that night after RCIA I got into a, well let's say
disagreement, with a friend of mine and driving home I kept thinking about
it. Hearing Deacon Larry's voice in my head, I decided to pray at least part
of the rosary. I got about one Our Father and a few Hail Marys out before
I got to my driveway, but for someone who doesn't pray the rosary I felt
that was pretty good. Before I said Amen I apologized for not praying more,
but asked that I hoped it would be enough. I got out and went to go get the
mail and in my mailbox, addressed to me, I found a pamphlet from a church
I had never heard of, all on praying the rosary. It honestly freaked me out.
The first time I ever pray it on my own volition, and I get a book about it anonymously. If that isn't an automatic response from God, then I don't know what is.
People get upset because they say they pray, but God doesn't answer
them. God answers prayers. Every single one of them, without fail. He just
might not give you what you want, but rather what is best. I have never had
a prayer go unanswered. In fact, I became a Christian because I prayed for
something and realized six months later God have given it to me, just not
in the package I'd expected. I believe one of the biggest jobs for believers
is seeing Him answer prayers. We have to constantly analyze our life and
connect the dots between prayer and what happens. And we need to remember-
prayer isn't instant. If you pray for a better job, it might not be years
until you get it. But I promise you, you will. Those times that you feel
God isn't answering you, maybe silence is the answer. He might be teaching
you patience or to trust in Him and not to waver. Is any of this easy? Abso-freaking-lutely not. It's by far the hardest thing in my life. But when He does answer, I remember it's also the best thing in my life.
Lady Gaga is the new face of pop culture. And love her or hate her, everyone knows who she is and has an opinion of her. You can't avoid her and her Little Monsters. Even on Thanksgiving she had a special on ABC after Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (symbolism there? Old vs. new traditions? I think so.). She's sold out stadiums, started dance crazes, and worn a good rib-eye to an awards show.
But I'm not going to talk about that.
It's no secret that Lady Gaga is pro gay. She fights for gay marriage, delivers speeches at rallies, and makes many gay references in her videos. So I know that I'm not telling you something new there. But did you know that she is also a very devoted Catholic? Born into an Italian family in New York, she went to Catholic school all throughout her childhood. Even today she still goes to Mass, takes Communion, and prays regularly. Yet due to being "controversial," so many people say that she's not a true Christian and "doesn't believe in the Jesus I believe in" (direct quote from someone I had this debate with).
How is Lady Gaga not a true Christian? She prays, goes to Mass, and is using her music to spread God's message. Her newest album has three songs that are all about Jesus, and most of the other songs make at least one reference. In "Born This Way" she sings about how no matter what, God loves you. "Believe capital H-I-M" is a line in which she is telling her audience that it doesn't matter what those bullies on the playground or in the pulpit are saying, He still loves you. "Judas" was another one that was controversial as the video was released during Holy Week last year. However again this is a song about how she adores Jesus, but she can't seem to let go of her sins, her Judas. Raise your hand if you never sin and can't relate to this song… Let me guess, instead of raising your hand, you're thinking about the last sin you committed. How you're in love with your Judas. Her third blatant Christian song is "Bloody Mary," an homage to the Virgin Mother and her presence in our faith.
I say these are the only blatant Christian songs on the album, but really they're all Christian. They are either about loving yourself and being the best version of yourself, or are a confession of her sins. Just because this album has dance beats rather than a singing choir of children in the background doesn't make it any less Christian. In RCIA last week we learned about judgment and how Jesus is the only true judge of one's heart and whether or not their actions are sinful. Our job is to love one another because God loves us, no matter what. That's what Lady Gaga is all about- love. We live in a Christian culture that condemns people who are homosexual because it is a sin. What I think is hilarious is that those who are yelling the loudest in public are the ones having affairs in private. I honestly do not know if being gay is a sin. I have many gay friends, all of whom are devoted Christians, and they tell me they were born that way and they believe God made them to be gay. Who am I to tell them otherwise? My job is to love them, no matter what. Jesus Himself said the second most important commandment was to love one another. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to go against what He commanded me to do. And neither is Lady Gaga. She and her mother just started the Born This Way Foundation that fights bullying against the LGBTQ community. The motto is for the organization is "Bravery. Acceptance. Love."
Bravery, acceptance, and love. Those are three themes in this one Book I read.
But you're right. A woman who devotes her life to helping and empowering others by spreading the message of God and His love through her music obviously isn't a true Christian. What was I thinking?
Hello to anyone who reads this. I'm sorry for not posting in a while. I went to visit family in Texas and then had family come visit me, so needless to say I've been a little busy! But I'm back at it with RCIA and now dismissals. Dismissals are something catechumens and candidates (which, paperwork is done so I'm officially one!) do at Mass every Sunday. After hearing the homily, we all go to the front of the church in front of everyone (cue social anxiety), be prayed for by the priest, and then go in another room and discuss how the homily affected us. I know a lot of people hated going through these, but I actually like them. After you see a movie, what's the first thing you want to do? Talk about it! Same with church. After the Gospel reading and homily, I want to talk about it. It's nice to have a built in time for that.
While I was visiting family, I went to some old missions and Cathedrals in San Antonio. It surprised me how at home I felt. I had never been to any of these places before, but it was so comforting. Texas truly is a completely different country than the other 49 states and I was feeling homesick. Walking into those churches… it's hard to explain. It felt like I was home. Alex always tells me I could walk into any Church for Mass and it would be the same. I nodded whenever he said this but didn't really get it. Now I do. Catholicism really is universal which is so comforting. Wherever I go, I'll have a home to visit.
RCIA last week was all about the changes in the Creed (profession of faith said at each Mass), and Father Scott focused on all the parts of the Creed and what they mean. The line he spent the most time on was "We believe in one, holy, Catholic, and apostolic church." He said this was vital because it was the foundation for the Church (structurally, not theologically). Let me break down what he said:
One- it is one church because, like I experienced in Texas, it's all the same church. No matter where you go in the world, there will be a Catholic church, and the same Mass will be celebrated there. Nepal, Azerbaijan, Peru, it's all the same. Same readings, same Eucharist, everything. While we all go to a certain parish, our parishes are part of the same Church.
Holy- Matthew 16.18 "I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church." Jesus Himself established the Church and this is the most important aspect of this line. Protestantism broke off from Catholicism, with denominations being born out of a man's idea of Christianity. Catholicism was born out of Jesus.
Catholic- we say we're Catholic not because we think we're better than any other Christians. This is a common misconception because sometimes when people are asked if they're Christian they respond "no, I'm Catholic." Okay, well they screwed up, because obviously they're Christians. If you believe in Jesus and His fulfillment of scripture, congratulations, you're a Christian. The reason we say we're Catholic is because the word Catholic means universal, encompassing all peoples, not just those who worship Christ. We are all God's children, therefore it is our job to love and serve one another. People who say they are Muslim, Lutheran, Hindi, they're only connecting themselves to others of their specific faction of faith. Here's an example- instead of saying you're a Washingtonian, you say you're American. We all live in different states, but part of the same country.
Apostolic- harken back to what I said about Peter, and you're pretty much on the money with this one. The first Pope was an Apostle. Jesus and fellow Apostles put their hands on his head and made him the leader of the Church. To make other men what we now call priests, Peter and the Apostles, out of respect for the tradition founded by Jesus, laid their hands on men's heads and anointed them as priests. So basically, Jesus laid his hands on Peter's head, who laid his hands on some other guys' heads, so on and so forth, who then laid their hands on my priest's head. It's an unbroken line back to Jesus. Boom.
Sometimes when I think about this entire process of becoming Catholic, with the classes and the rituals and how much there is to learn, I get a little overwhelmed. Scratch that- I get incredibly overwhelmed. I get seeds of doubt as to whether or not I should be doing this. And then I think about this line in the Creed. About how Catholicism was founded by Jesus and the Apostles. That what I do every Sunday at Mass, they did when Jesus was alive. We say the words He said. To say my Savior's words is so comforting to me. I now realize that when I get these moments of doubt, I know it's coming from someone who doesn't want me to get closer to Christ. He doesn't want to lose any hold he has on me because I know that as soon as that oil touches my head and I'm confirmed, and the moment I drink the wine, he won't be able to have any control over me. If anyone out there is reading this and feels like there's a force trying to hold you back from God, newsflash: there is. And he's sneaky as hell (pun definitely intended) so you have to be on your guard. Now I'm not a huge spiritual warfare, we're all warriors for the Kingdom of God, type of person, but I do believe there is someone out there whose mission is to keep us from God. Don't let that happen to you. Pray for God to protect you, to comfort you, and to keep you close. Just watch this video, you'll understand http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSwCOs-uXzU&feature=related
Once I become passionate about something, I'm all in. I couldn't just love Harry Potter, I had to name my dog Gryffindor. I couldn't just be a Liverpool FC fan, I had to have an entire room in my house dedicated to them. (By the way, these are both true stories.) So when I decided to become Catholic I dove headfirst into it. I bought book after book on the subject, started planning a trip to Italy, even set up automatic tithing on the internet (which is genius seeing as none of us carry cash anymore). I go to Mass at my church Assumption every weekend now but I feel like I'm in this weird limbo. I don't feel comfortable calling myself Catholic since I can't take communion, yet I wouldn't consider myself anything else now. This is why I'm so glad RCIA is finally starting up- it means this limbo is almost over.
At our first RCIA last week, it was very apparent I was not at the Newman Center anymore. Actually, it's been obvious to me for the last couple of weeks. Assumption is a family church. There are kids everywhere, married couples galore, and a substantial older crowd. At times this is frustrating. Being 22 and single I obviously want to meet people my own age who aren't married (preferably tall with brown hair, a Spanish accent, and loves to read. Just in case anyone out there has a cousin who fits this bill.) This was something Newman had in spades (minus my Spanish reader) and was one of the reasons I felt at home so much there. I was surrounded by people like me. But, God in His infinite wisdom knows that one day I will be one of those married ladies with kids and thus Assumption is a church I can grow old in. One of my best friends Lindsay said something about our old church, that it wasn't one we could grow in because it was full of young people. At the time I didn't get what she meant. Now I do. I'm easily one of the youngest at RCIA, with maybe twenty or forty years between me and my RCIA mates. But, with their age comes experience, and I'm excited to learn from them.
My RCIA leader, Deacon Larry, is fantastic. I've never met anyone who could explain Catholicism and the Bible more fully than this man. I walked in and was handed a packet with the handouts for the next few weeks. Looking over them, nothing's really new since it's mainly the foundation of Christianity, but when he talked I still learned some amazing things. One of them was so simple, but still so moving. The subject of drinking came up (well, I was in a room full of Catholics) and Deacon Larry said Jesus's first miracle was turning water into wine, and His last miracle is now turning wine into blood for communion. It wasn't an earth-shattering revelation, but it still completely blew me away. I can't wait until we start diving into the deeper issues about Catholicism and its connection to Scripture, because this kid is a champ and I know I'm going to learn so much from him.
What's interesting about this process is that I'm doing it with a huge support system behind me, but at the same time I'm doing it all on my own. I know everyone at Newman completely supports me, and now that I'm a youth group leader at Assumption I'm starting to make more connections at the parish. My mother is my rock in all of this. Last weekend we were at a festival and a group of nuns had a booth full of Catholic-ness, and Mom spent more time there than I did. She bought beautiful pendants of St. Joseph and Gabriel, and now wears Gabriel around her neck. So I know I'm not doing this alone. But when I walked into RCIA and saw no one I knew… I felt pretty darn alone. And it got worse when I had to fill out my sponsor's information. I wish Alex was here, or at least in the same time zone. I miss him so much and I have so many questions but I don't want to constantly be calling or texting because I want him to really enjoy his new life in Madison. Going through this also makes me miss Tyler, my "foster sponsor," and is the person I saw go through this last year. But again, I don't want to bother him with questions because he's, you know, a grown up with a job and all now. All I really have is God, and while I really wish those guys were with me through all of this, maybe it's good I'm alone. It forces me to be strong and rely on myself for everything, turning to God for guidance. And in the end, isn't that what faith really is? A journey by yourself following God? You know when you're in a room full of people you know and love, and yet you've never been lonelier? That's kind of how this is, but less melodramatic. I know I have the love and support of countless friends and family members, but it's still just me.
This weekend I'm going to Mass at Newman and I can't wait to see everyone. I've been able to go a couple times this summer, but I still get excited. Now that school's about to start most people will be back from summer vacation. Alex is home for the UW-Cal football game, so it'll be great to go to church with him again. Even for nothing more than a chance to do something with my sponsor besides talk on skype. RCIA is tomorrow night, so I can't wait to fill him in on everything. Of course, I will blog about it and fill you (anonymous reader who if you're still reading you're now my new favorite person) in on what I've learned. <3
So many people use your name in vain
Those have faith in you sometimes go astray
Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt
For better or worse I still will choose you first
I'm becoming Catholic. It still sometimes seems unreal to say that, even two months after I decided it was my calling. I think it's because when I think about my first real encounter with Catholicism, it wasn't love at first sight. One of my best friends Alex asked me to go to Mass with him at the UW Newman Center and just out of curiosity I said yes. I hadn't found a church I liked at school and since I had a church back home I loved, I didn't really feel like looking. It was, after all, my senior year in college. What's the point of finding a new church when I had one I was happy with? (I hope by now you're all smiling at the irony in all of this.) Now I knew that Mass was full of rituals and unlike my Protestant church so I asked Alex what I should do. "Oh, just follow me. You'll be fine."
Big mistake.
There was kneeling. There was holy water. And at one point, everyone recited the exact same thing at the same time. I don't think anyone would blame me for being, oh let's use the word intimidated. Afterwards on the way to the car, Alex turned to me and apologized. "Gosh, I bet you think we're a cult, don't you?" Well it was a long time before I went to Mass again (understandably), but I did go on SEARCH, a weekend retreat in February with the Newman Center. At the time I felt spiritually empty and had been looking for a place where I could just focus on my relationship with God and nothing else. This retreat felt like the perfect opportunity, seeing as I knew no one there and could just be alone and focus on me. Also, Alex was in charge of it and asked me every day to go on it, so shutting him up was a nice perk. He said it would change my life, and dammit he was right. I met some of the most amazing and loving people I have ever known, and experienced what Catholicism really is. It isn't just going to confession or knowing all of the saints or having the Catechism memorized. Yes, these are incredibly important and an integral part of the faith, but what Catholicism really is is humbly loving God with all your heart and being in community with your brothers and sisters in Christ. I didn't know any of the people at Newman before this retreat. Now, they're some of my dearest friends in the world.
After SEARCH, I started going to Mass every Sunday. I also started going to RCIA since Alex was a small group leader and, once again, an opportunity arose to have him stop pestering me. Now, either you already know this about me or will soon see from my posts, I'm a very blunt person. If I have a question, I'm going to say it, no holds barred. I hit my Catholic friends and priests with every question imaginable. Mary, saints, confession, papal authority, you name it I asked it. And even afterwards I would go online and search the reasoning behind Catholic practices. I bought books on Catholicism and read voraciously. I wanted- no, needed- to know the purpose behind all of the traditions. Was it all just some elaborate ritual, or something else?
I realized, after months of RCIAs and Masses and conversations and books, that it was something else. It was biblical. Every single ritual, practice, tradition, whatever you want to call it, is based on scripture. Jesus himself picked the first Pope, Peter. "And I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades shall not overpower it," (Matt. 16:18). No one can argue that. And the more I learned, the more I saw how once one understands the biblical backing of all the Catholic practices, you can't disagree. It just makes sense.
I've been praying for what seems like forever asking God if I was doing this right. You know, this whole being a Christian and worshipping God thing. I've been Baptist, Presbyterian, non-denominational, "a good person," and I've never felt fulfilled. I always felt that I was just in a big room with a lot of people on a Sunday morning who were just as confused as I was. But since there were a lot of us, then we must be on the right track, right? God answered my prayers. I've been friends with Alex for a long time, and I always felt that our friendship was good, but meant to go deeper. That we had been friends for so long for a reason. And now I know. God puts people in our lives as instruments, to bring us to Him to glorify Him. He brought me to Catholicism (two "he's" in one) and answered my prayers. Catholicism is a faith whose roots are Jesus and the Apostles. All of the practices and rituals are from the time of Christ. We are saying the same prayers today they said. 2000 years later, with over one billion followers, Catholicism is still as strong as ever and as Christ said, has not been overthrown. I no longer have to worry about whether or not I am worshipping the right way. I'm doing what Jesus said and did. How can I argue with that?
If you read all the way to here, thank you. Becoming Catholic is a long process and I want to share it with as many people as possible. It is the most important thing that will ever happen to me, and I know a lot of people will have questions about the faith and about why I'm doing this. I am so blessed to have the support I do in this process. My mom, who has always been my best friend and my rock, is behind this 100% and is even coming to Mass with me. My grandparents who are Catholic have given me essentially a Catholic survival kit, complete with a Pope-blessed rosary. Already this process has brought us closer together and I haven't even officially started RCIA. I've already said how important Alex has been in all of this, so it's no surprise to say I've asked him to be my sponsor. Unfortunately he now lives in Madison, WI so there are a lot of things he cannot be there for. But I know I already have an amazing Catholic community ready to support me. Tyler, Dawn, Matt, Paige, and everyone else I met at Newman, whose love I still feel even now that I've graduated and moved away. This is going to be a long journey, but I know it will all be worth it when on April 7th, 2012 I can say it.
I am Catholic.
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."


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Zack since falling in love with the Fuji x100s and the line of Fuji cameras you said the DSLR is dead. My question for you is how much of your commercial work do you now shoot with this line of cameras?
The Fuji's are pulled out on every job in one way or another.
Case in point. Tomorrow I start shooting for a new editorial client. I'm going to be shooting a series of portraits over the next week for them. The Phase will come out for most of the "hero" shots but the Fuji's will be on hand for more candid moments between portrait sessions.
It sort of breaks down like this. When I have a moment to stop everything and set up a portrait and light it then the Phase is typically the first camera shot on that. I have a little more lens variety with the Fujis so they may then pop in for something due to needing or wanting something different with a lens I have for those cameras that I don't have an equivalent for with the Phase.
As I begin to move around then the Fujis come out. If I'm needing to capture more of a candid moment or something going on behind the scenes or I just want a few quick shots in between formal setups, I use the Fujis.
I've shot for editorial clients and commercial clients with my Fujis. I have full confidence in them. The one… and only… reason I still have a Canon in the bag is for the 200 2.8 lens. That reach at that speed is something I don't have with a Fuji or Phase at the moment. I don't use that lens often though. Not even once a month. I have need of it enough though to hold onto it until such time I feel I have an equal lens in length and speed to one of my other cameras.
9 times out of 10 though I'm walking out the door with the Phase and the Fujis. The Canon stays locked away in the gear locker until needed. It will stay at the studio tomorrow because I'm shooting indoor environmental portraits. No way I'm going to need a 200mm for that.
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Development of Management Strategies to Reduce Wildlife Hazards to Aircraft
PROJECT GOAL: Generate and disseminate applied ecological information related to developing tools and techniques to reduce wildlife hazards to transportation, particularly civil and military aviation.
Objective 1: Evaluate habitat use and foraging strategies of hazardous wildlife on and near airports.
Objective 2: Develop methods and tools to reduce wildlife food, water, and cover attractants on and near airports.
Objective 3: Conduct research in basic wildlife biology and ecology to develop and enhance nonlethal wildlife control methods.
Objective 4: Evaluate the use of avian radars to reduce bird strikes with aircraft.
Objective 5: Investigate the impact of wind farms to wildlife communities and develop methods to reduce negative impacts.
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An aromatic golden brown spice obtained from the dried aril (net-like sheath) which covers the Nutmeg seed, Myristica fragrans Houtt. Mace is yellowish-tan to reddish-tan in color, made up of flat, hornlike, shiny branched pieces with a fragrant, nutmeglike aromatic odor and warm taste. Mace and nutmeg are from the same tree, a large evergreen tree native to the Moluccas Islands and the East Indian Archipelago.
• Substitute 1/4 tsp. Ground Mace for 1/4 tsp. Ground Nutmeg.
• Add 1/4 tsp. to batter for a 2-layer chocolate cake.
• Add a pinch to lemon glaze, baked custard, sliced fresh fruit or fruit salad dressing.
• Use in pound cake, cakes, cookies, coffee cakes, brownies, nut breads, Danish pastries, fruit pies, steamed pudding or puddings.
• Use on fish or poultry dishes such as creamed chicken or turkey.
• Add to spinach, carrots, asparagus, sweet potatoes and yellow vegetables.
• Sprinkle on hot chocolate, eggnog and milk shakes.
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by David Luscombe
Art Print
Collect your choice of gallery quality Giclée, or fine art prints custom trimmed by hand in a variety of sizes with a white border for framing.
The wow signal 6equj5. Sent to us in 1977 from the M55 system in outer space. The night before Elvis Presley died. Aliens scanning his brain? Maybe.
- 10Promote


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I posted about a NC/SC/TN outage last week. Well I'm still down. I've opened 3 or 4 tickets at least 6 calls. 2 techs ago closed my ticket and told me I was "in a troubled area" and that they "could waive my ETF". Techs after that at least tried to help, although at a price. Next to last told me that he agreed that something that works for 1.5 years should still work, might be my device. He was happy to send me one for $80 and a 2 year contract. After I asked how happy he'd be with that answer, he sent me a new SIM card. Called last night to have that activated (which didn't work) and the tech said 'gee, other people in your zip are having problems'. She would've opened a ticket but her system was crashing (guess she was using LTE).Called today and 'ticket was opened', still open....This would be funny if I wasn't the butt of the joke.But, oh boy, I got an $18 credit. I'm sure AT&T appreciates it (since I'll be applying it to their $10/GB).
why do you need a SIM to use VZW? They're system is CDMA.And yes you could lose service, Sprint (as an example) has recently pulled native coverage in several of their markets and moved it to roaming.
If he is using a Jetpack/HotSpot that device uses a SIM as well as the UM290 USB modem. This is with Verizon LTE-- ... need help? »evdo-tips.com/
why do you need a SIM to use VZW? They're system is CDMA.And yes you could lose service, Sprint (as an example) has recently pulled native coverage in several of their markets and moved it to roaming.
I have a UML290 USB stick.Whats a 3G microcell/repeater thingy? Will it help with LTE? I have my modem set to 4G only, if I can't get LTE, I might as well dump VZW and stick with AT&T HSPA+ and wait to see which can get LTE to work. I can see an AT&T tower from my house.
Sorry to hear that! Brings back some bad memories of my previous fights with VZW tech support.Have you tried driving to the tower and testing the connection? When I totally lost my signal this past winter, I noticed that reception was poor all throughout town (7-8 miles from my house). It took a while, but they finally fixed the problematic tower. I think I called tech support at least 10 times over the 5 days it was down.Another episode: Last fall, when my speeds were so poor only during the night, numerous calls to tech support got me nowhere. As a last resort, I left a very, very negative review and comments at the following VZW feedback site:»survey.verizonwireless.com/vzwsurvey/Surprisingly, a manager from the local corporate store called me the next day. He said he would send a tech to look at the problem. A day or two later, the problem was fixed. The 611 tech support gave me the runaround, but the local manager was able to push the right buttons. Give it a try--it may work for you too.
Thanks Dmc271, good idea. I'm sitting next to my 3rd tower as I type. The ones I thought were better than mine (closer to Charlotte) stunk, I could barely get 3g speeds with -57 RSSI and around 10 SINR.My Tower (Lincolnton) is showing -53 RSSI and 15.8 SINR with this speedtest: When I called support near one of the other towers, he did "see something strange on the network which he reset" before I could connect.Now I have to see how I look at home. I was considering going to the omnidirectional antenna with the amp 3gstore is now hawking.
Thank dmc271, good idea. I'm sitting at my 3rd tower today as I type. The two that I thought were better (closer to Charlotte) stunk - barely got 3G speeds. At mine (Lincolnton), I'm getting -53 RSSI and 15.8 SINR.
Crazy--the upload speed should be much higher with that RSSI/SINR!The question is: Is it the tower or your modem?Are you using your UML290 with only the internal antenna? On one of my UML290s, the internal antenna barely works, and I see slow speeds regardless of the ambient signal. It's OK once I hook up the external antenna. Perhaps you can find a 4G phone to test with? Or, bring your panel antenna with you?
Sorry for the double post, for some reason I couldn't see them.I was using my UML290 naked (internal). Here's the real kicker, I drove to a tower that south of me about the same distance. Its sitting in the middle of big pig farm. I was getting -49 RSSI and 30 SINR - 35down and 20 up!. Unfortunately, the damn thing is in a geographical hole, just a mile or 2 north I was lucky to get 2 bars (I was driving, didn't catch the actual numbers).Anyway, from home now (back on my yagi), I'm up and getting 11 up and about 5 down again. Not sure if the SIM card change or the "something funny" the tech fixed today did the trick. I suspect the latter.
Just had Carolyn from tech support call (she was the most helpful of the bunch) and she said they had found some tower problems (how bout that?).That was great but I have to wonder why she wasn't aware of my earlier calls today and that I'm working again.Hope they don't 'fix' the towers like the did last week. >
Hope sprint did't pull coverage in northeast ohio or northwest ohio.
Glad to hear it's working again! Now, go make one of my DIY Yagis and use the second port on your UML290 for a MIMO config.
Looks like being a PITA worked for a while.
Because LTE is a gsm tech, verizon isn't just cdma anymore and in couple years be all gsm tech.
Looking pretty good today. I'd say they did a good job on the tower.
Looking pretty good today. I'd say they did a good job on the tower. [att=1]
I don't think that's me hitting a different tower. I have a Yagi and I can only get signal pointing in a very specific direction (and then only when VZW hasn't trashed my tower). On any given day, speedtest shows me as coming in from Shelby, NC, Chester SC, and sometimes Highland NC. Since my house hasn't moved since the VA earthquake ( ), I have to assume that speedtest is picking up some sort of switching going on within the VZW network.
I don't think that's me hitting a different tower. I have a Yagi and I can only get signal pointing in a very specific direction (and then only when VZW hasn't trashed my tower). On any given day, speedtest shows me as coming in from Shelby, NC, Chester SC, and sometimes Highland NC. Since my house hasn't moved since the VA earthquake ( ), I have to assume that speedtest is picking up some sort of switching going on within the VZW network.
Understood. But you mentioned different towers.I used to always pick the same server for that reason but lately I've started thinking a more accurate test is to let it go ahead and pick the server with the best ping (which tests latency). that way you always test with lowest available latency.For a real test, you have to download something of significance and check the average transfer rate. These guys are the best for that:»testmy.net/
latency is irrelevant unless it gets high enough that the TCP windowing algorithm cannot keep up and packet loss or high latency shrinks the sliding window.On the other hand, I've seen plenty of times where servers are "faster" (i.e. lower latency), but give erratic and/or just slow results compared to others which may be 10-20 ms higher latency.Sorry, I'm a stickler for proper scientific method of testing --"Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts." -Norm
My S3 uses a SIM
latency is everything to me because I live in VPN all day long.


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My brother, Evan and I have formed a band called kotadama. We have traveled worldwide showcasing our first album, Dichotomy. We have now produced numerous songs for our next album and want to work with an experienced music professional to further our career.
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SANTA ANA, Calif. (AP) - Southern California prosecutors have charged a 41-year-old man with eight counts of murder and one count of attempted murder in the Seal Beach hair salon massacre and will seek the death penalty.
Orange County District Attorney Tony Rackauckas announced the charges against Scott Dekraii on Friday at a press conference in Santa Ana.
Dekraii is accused of opening fire Wednesday inside a hair salon where his ex-wife worked. They were involved in a bitter legal battle over custody of their young son.
The district attorney says Dekraai spent two minutes methodically shooting victims in the head and chest, and stopped to reload at one point.
Dekraii, who was armed with three guns, was arrested a short distance from the salon.
(Copyright 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)


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Unconditional Love
This is the final paragraph to a paper that I just wrote, and it will serve as my first blog post.
I will try to update this thing as much as I can.
"This brings me to my next and final point, which is the importance of unconditional love. Love does not choose objects of compassion based on merit. It meets each individual where they are and fosters meaningful relationships in order to spark change. This is what will overcome all oppression. If your neighbor does something with which you do not agree, fine. Disagree with their practices. Embrace them fully as human beings. Everyone is a rational being capable of feeling pain regardless of worldview. When we love and accept human beings as human beings, then we will break down the barriers of social cliques. It is then that people will listen to what we have to say. When we repay oppression with compassion, it is then that oppressors will realize their actions are accomplishing no purpose. Violent individuals will no longer desire to impart violence that elicits no response. Until we experience and give the gift of unconditional love, we will see no change and bear no hope."


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Leesburg Regional Medical Center, a 322-bed acute care facility north of Orlando recognized on the local, state and national level as an employer-of-choice, has an opportunity for an experienced Emergency Nursing professional to join our growing team.
As the Director you will coordinate and evaluate the quality of nursing/patient care, financial stability and service productivity of the Emergency Department. Responsible for the professional development and morale of the service teams and has a close working relationship with the general management team and the medical staff to effectively meet system goals, organizational goals and all pillars relating to the department.
To qualify you must have:
To learn more, call (352) 323-4143 or visit http://www.cfhacareers.com. EEO/AA/H/V. Drug-free Workplace/Tobacco-free Workplace.
Allaying Your Ebola Fears
Breast Cancer in Minority Populations: Resources for African American Women
Ebola: Knowledge is Power
Nurses Must Protect Themselves from Ebola
Ebola Prevention - Learning from Other Countries
Соруright 2014Minority Nurse is Registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark OfficeSpringer Publishing Company, LLC


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Brook Lopez Walking Fine After Surgery
Brook Lopez is walking fine after surgery
8/14/13 in NBA | aaronjchung | 264 respect
After getting surgery on his foot in June to replace some screws that he had inserted less than two years ago, Brook Lopez is rehabbing just fine. The important big man for the revamped Brooklyn Nets, is currently in a walking boot, but is still able to get set shots up and work-out. "I feel great," Lopez said. "I have been getting in some weight lifting, getting shots up and everything is going well. I'm not fully working out. I'm not jumping or running or anything like that, but we have a good month-and-a-half just until training camp starts, so we'll definitely be all right by then."
Fortunately for the Nets, they are loaded with talent in their frontcourt with Kevin Garnett, Andray Blatche, and Reggie Evans. So, even if Lopez isn't ready by training camp and Garnett only plays 25 mpg, Blatche and Evans will do more than an admirable job of filling in.
The good news is, Lopez was wise enough to get the surgery shortly after the season was over, in order to be fully rehabbed and ready by training camp. A lesson that many NBA player can learn during their off-seasons.


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Why I Love Comics #64: Star Wars Talk is Forbidden! With the Atomic Robo Guys!
- Written by Eric Ratcliffe on Thursday, December 22 2011 and posted in Podcasts
In this episode of the podcast, Eric completely butchers Scott's name as he sits down and talks with Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! The guys talk about why they chose Tesla, the digital age changing the way the comic book market can be and just so much more! Easily the funniest episode of the podcast ever!
Also Imaginary Science is totally real!
Robo free stuff to entice buying!
And as always, check out my Twitter, Like the fanpage and check out the awesome New Comic Day!
And be sure to check out our awesome house band, the Kirby Krackle!
Next week....Ron Marz!
Authors: Eric Ratcliffe
Size: 66.46 Mb
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About the Author - Eric Ratcliffe
Eric Ratcliffe is the host of The Why I Love Comics podcast, as well as the writer of the long running and award winning webcomic New Comic Day! When not interviewing the biggest names in geek culture, Eric writes the occasional column about something he is enjoying or informing people about webseries, podcasts, gadgets or many other cool things. You can also find Eric on Email/twitter/facebook/youtube/steam/x-box live and many other social media avenues on the internet.
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Jack the Ripper Leaves Bloody Film Legacy
Posted on Sep 1, 2012
ERIC McNAUGHTON looks at the cinematic history of the notorious Whitechapel serial killer, Jack the Ripper
In the early hours of Friday, 31st August 1888, the body of Mary Ann Nichols was found in Bucks Row in London's Whitechapel district. She had been horribly mutilated and was the first victim of the serial killer who was to become infamous as Jack the Ripper. 124 years on we are no nearer to learning his or her identity, despite literally hundreds of theories. Such is our fascination, there have been numerous attempts to tell the story on film.
One of the earliest was Alfred Hitchcock's "The Lodger – A Story of the London Fog" (1927). It was based on the novel by Marie Belloc Lowndes although the ending was changed when matinee idol Ivor Novello was cast as the title character. The film was subsequently remade in 1932, 1944, 1953 (as "The Man in the Attic") & 2009. Very similar was "Room to Let" (1949) starring Valentine Dyall (the Man in Black) and made by Hammer Films who would subsequently give us two more Ripper-themed films in "Hands of the Ripper" and "Dr Jekyll & Sister Hyde" (both 1971).
Although Hammer never made a Ripper film per se, their favourite scriptwriter Jimmy Sangster did write the screenplay for 1959's "Jack the Ripper", a pretty decent effort. Six years later came the wonderful "A Study in Terror" which pitted the fictional Sherlock Holmes against the Ripper. Along similar lines was Bob Clarke's brilliant "Murder By Decree" (1979) with an all star cast headed by Christopher Plummer and James Mason. The latter film was based on the book "Jack the Ripper: The Final Solution" by the late Stephen Knight which put forward a Royal connection and Masonic involvement. The same theory would be used again in both a TV production starring Michael Caine (1988) and in Alan Moore & Eddie Campbell's graphic novel "From Hell" which was made into a film in 2001 with Johnny Depp.
Perhaps the nastiest Ripper film was Jess Franco's "Jack the Ripper" (1976) starring Klaus Kinski. A more enjoyable film was "Time After Time" (1979) in which Malcolm McDowell's H.G. Wells chases David Warners Ripper through time to modern day San Francisco. And let's not forget "Terror at London Bridge" (1985) a made for TV movie with David Hasslehoff!! Honourable mention also to the excellent TV series "Whitechapel" (2009) in which a modern day killer murders his victims on the same dates and in the same manner as the original.
Finally mention must be made of those films which are not about the Ripper, but feature him in some small way. One of the first was Paul Leni's "Waxworks" (1924), an early example of a compendium film, where in the final segment the Ripper (played by Dr Caligari himself, Werner Krausse) pursue the heroe through a fairground and waxworks. G.W. Pabst's masterpiece "Pandora's Box" also features the Ripper in the final scenes where Lulu, played by Louise Brooks, has her fatal encounter with him. From the sublime to the ridiculous, "The Ruling Class" (1972) features a completely bonkers performance from Peter O'Toole as an aristocrat who believes himself to be the Ripper for part of the film.
And finally, what Ripper overview would be complete without "Amazon Women on the Moon" (1987) where it is revealed that Jack the Ripper was in fact … the Loch Ness monster!
One thing is for sure, the public's enduring obsession with the Ripper and the 5 women he slaughtered during that Autumn of terror in 1888 means we haven't seen the last of him on the big screen.
ERIC McNAUGHTON fell in love with horror films when he got Dennis Gifford's "Pictorial History of Horror Movies" for his 10th birthday. In the mid 90s he produced "We Belong Dead", a zine for all lovers of the classic age of horror, which ran for 8 issues. After travelling and working around the world he settled in Paris 10 years ago and works as a tour guide and runs the We Belong Dead group on Facebook. Plans are afoot for a move back to England and a relaunch of the WBD magazine later this year.
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Related Posts via Taxonomies
- Hands of the Ripper (1971) REVIEW
- Top 5 Jack the Ripper Films
- Growing Up in the Shadow of the Ripper
- Screaming Lord Sutch does Jack the Ripper
- New Ripper author doesn't prove Jack
- Who was Jack the Ripper? VIDEO
- Bridget Cleary, Waking the Witch film director interview
- The Jack the Ripper Show
- We Belong Dead Fearbook REVIEW
- Mary Jane Kelly – Jack the Ripper's Final Victim


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I Have Night Sweats But No Fever Could It Be Hiv
Here's a taste of what TheBody.com has to offer on this topic:
Ask the Experts
day and night sweating with fever symptom of HIV?Night sweating is symptom of hiv. But day and night sweating with fever is a symptom of hiv? My sweating is not excessive. Is it due to hiv? Please help me because i didn't find my answer anywhere....
Response from Lisa Hightow-Weidman, M.D., M.P.H.
University of North CarolinaHello there-Fevers and sweats would/could be a symptom of a variety of illnesses including those related to infections (such as HIV). However, it is very very nonspecific and could be a symptom of too numerable to count other illnesses (e.g.... Read more »
Night sweat no feverDear Doc,I've done the worst I can do, read the net up and down for HIV. Please ease my... Read more »
Night sweats and no fever...I have recently started having mild night sweats. They usually just result in dampness around my... Read more »
Screening HIV-Positive Patients for TB in Resource-Poor SettingsThe "[a]bsence of all of current cough, fever, night sweats, and weight loss can identify a subset of people living with HIV who have a very low probability of having TB disease," write the authors of a PLoS Medicine study that used individual... Read more »
Pickett Fences: Day and Night, Night and Day and NightIt is the day after my 35th birthday. It is five-and-one-half years since I tested positive for HIV. It is nearly one year since I kicked my triple combo to the curb. It is minutes after watching, for the first time, a video journal I collaborated... Read more »
News & Views: A Good Night's Sleep; The Risk of Failure; Testing on Grindr; and MoreHIV News & Views, November 7, 2013 - TheBody.com November 7, 2013 Top Stories at TheBody.com Read Past Newsletters Change/Update Subscription Hello Dearest Readers! I'm very excited to introduce you all... Read more »
California: An HIV/AIDS Support Group Allows Kids to Learn and Express Themselves Without Being Judged or RidiculedThe Irvine-based AIDS Services Foundation (ASF) hosts a weekly support group for 20 or so children and teens living with HIV/AIDS. Recently a six-week puppet-making workshop was held to give the kids a unique way to express their complex emotions.... Read more »
Connect With Others
Clear up the sweating/night sweats issue!!!
Posted by Anonymous, 2 RepliesI had what I consider "night sweats"....Approximately 10-12 days after "exposure". They lasted may 4 nights or so, haven't had trouble since. Woke up sweating at night, not DRENCHED...just kinda sticky sweaty on my shoulders, forehead and neck.
No... Read more »
Night sweat and fever
Posted by Anonymous, 1 Reply2 months after a possible exposure i had a fever, bad cough, lots of phlem and had only one night of really bad night sweat. Could be related to ARS
Read more »
Night Sweats Question ARS
Posted by needsupport2, 1 ReplyI'm wondering if anyone with HIV who's been through it can answer this question. I've read that ARS night sweats are almost always accompanied by fever. I've had no fever. What were your experiences? How profuse a sweat, was fever present.
Thank... Read more »
Night Sweats? Signs of ARS?
Posted by alex39, 3 RepliesHi
I am a male and I did perform cunnilingus on a woman for few minutes. (No menstrual blood, and I have no sores or lesions in my mouth).
No Vaginal, No Anal.
9 days later I felt a little bit tired during the day and the same evening I got some chills... Read more »
Guides for People With HIV


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*To receive 20% off your $99 purchase, enter promotion code IPEB4CK3 at checkout. Promo Code box is located in Step 4 of checkout. Order value must total $99 or more before services, taxes, shipping and handling. Valid online at eastbay.com. Does not apply to prior purchases or open orders and cannot be combined with any other offers. May not be used with purchase of GiftCards or toward team orders. Promotion may be modified or terminated at any time. Certain restrictions may apply. Some items are not eligible for discount and will indicate "excluded from discount" on the product's description page. Offer expires 10/28/2014 (3:59 am CT).
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If you're serving cheese and spreadable dips at your next gathering, make sure that you have the right tools. Of course, you'll want to identify your cheeses with Cheese Markers, and you'll want to have canapé knives for the spreadable cheeses and dips. Perhaps your canapé knives have seen better days. You could buy new ones…or you can give yours new life by replacing the worn or broken handles with wine corks!
Val of Yarni Gras and The Little Things has a fantastic tutorial on how to make your own canapé knives using wine corks. Isn't Val sweet? She even includes a recipe to use along with your homemade wine cork knives. Looking for other spreadable dips to serve with your new canape knives? Try one of these:
- Garlic Brie Bread from Life as MOM
- Not Just Any Hummus from Simply Sugar & Gluten Free
- Lemony Black Eyed Pea Hummus from The Balanced Platter
- Hot Crab Dip & Avocado Crab Dip from The Pioneer Woman
- Healthier Spinach Dip from Good Cheap Eats


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Opensource ActionScript Debugger - De Monster
InfoQ reported a Flash and AIR debugger Arthropod earlier this year. De MonsterDebugger is another debugger launched this year for Flash, Flex and AIR application development.
Ruby 1.9 Roundup: Ruby-debug on 1.9, Ruby Switcher, MacRuby
A first incarnation of ruby-debug support on 1.9 is now available. Ruby switcher makes it easy to run different Ruby versions in parallel. Also: MacRuby's experimental branch was merged into MacRuby Trunk.
Arthropod – A Flash and AIR Debugger
Debugging tools are essential for software development in any computer language and runtime environment. Adobe Flash platform-based rich Internet application (RIA) development, either in Flex or AIR, is no exception. While the Flex/AIR is maturing, more debugging tools are emerging. Arthropod is one of them.
Rubinius Progress - Interview with Brian Ford
The Ruby implementation Rubinius has attracted a lot of interest. After the project completed a major rewrite of its VM, we caught up with Brian Ford, Rubinius team member, to talk about the state of the project.
Forget Your Debugger, Use The "Saff Squeeze"
Kent Beck, renowned co-father of XP, TDD, and JUnit itself, tells a story about tracking down a defect in a new JUnit feature, JUnitMax, with unit tests instead of a debugger. He explains a method shown to him by current JUnit lead developer, David Saff, where a high level unit test is recursively inlined until a super concise test is created down at the very root of the defect.
Alcon 3: The alternative Open Source ActionScript Debugging Tool
Sascha Balkau has recently released Alcon 3, an alternative open source debugging tool for ActionScript 2 and ActionScript 3. InfoQ spoke with Balkau to discuss how Alcon 3 fits in ActionScript-based rich Internet Application development.
Spying on Silverlight
The success of Microsoft Silverlight, as seen in the recent Beijing Olympics, shows the capabilities of the technology and is attracting more developers. The addition of end-users and developers using Silverlight will also drive more tool development and one such useful tool is Silverlight Spy by First Floor.
JRuby Roundup: Java Integration and Debugging (JSR-45) Improvements
Some recent changes on the JRuby trunk improve Java Integration, which allows JRuby to interact with pure Java code faster and more conveniently. Also: Ruby code compiled with JRuby's (JIT) compiler can now make use of the JVMs debugging capabilities using JSR-45 (Debugging Support for Other Languages).


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Afghan traditional songs:
Sorry for the late reply. I searched but could not find proper links to traditional songs, so i did not have enough to time upload before. I've uploaded some of the songs i had to my soundcloud account. You can download aswell.
These are some of my favorite traditional Attan songs. I hope everyone gives them a try; they are beautiful, makes you want to perform Attan.
Shin Ghoti Lawango
- https://soundcloud.com/vicoden/qandi-kochi-shinghoti-lawango
De Paktiawalo Attan
- http://soundcloud.com/vicoden/da-paktia-attan
Rawali Janan me
- http://soundcloud.com/vicoden/rawali-janan
Sherena yara dar jagameka
- http://soundcloud.com/vicoden/qandi-kochi-sherena-yara
Zaar La mashomtoba
- http://soundcloud.com/vicoden/zaar-la-mashomtoba
Khatmi Zanzeri
Tora da Jilkay
Border Talk Crosses The Line In Afghanistan
Foreign diplomats visiting Kabul tread carefully when it comes to the Durand Line, knowing full well that the colonial-era border separating British India and Afghanistan is a touchy subject. It was no secret that Washington considers the Durand Line — established by British India and the Kingdom of Afghanistan in 1893 — the modern-day border between Afghanistan and Pakistan.
State Department spokeswoman Victoria Nuland offered reminders of that fact during an October 23 press briefing in which she was questioned about Grossman's comment. "Our policy on this has not changed," she said. "It was correctly stated by Ambassador Grossman that we see this as the internationally recognized boundary.".
But the comments have nevertheless raised hackles in Afghanistan, which has not recognized the Durand Line as its eastern border since Pakistan's partition from the British Raj in 1947.
The Afghan daily "Weesa" this week quoted several Afghan lawmakers describing Grossman's statement as interference in domestic Afghan affairs.
'An Issue For Pashtuns, And Pashtuns Only'
The Durand Line is indeed divisive. It runs directly through traditional Pashtun lands, splitting one of the world's largest tribal societies in two. Those to the west of the line are Afghan; to the east Pakistani.
Abdul Ghafoor Liwal, the head of Kabul's Center for Regional Studies of Afghanistan, says the Durand Line is considered a top national issue in the country, but one that is up to the Pashtuns themselves to decide.
"Recognizing the legitimacy of this line is in the hands of the masses that live on either side of the border. This is also the formal position of the Afghan government," Liwal says. "This is why the Afghan government has protested against this [Grossman's] statement."
But there are those in Afghanistan who would rather not be reminded of that fact. "I think talking about such [controversial] issues will have negative consequences for relations between America and the people of Afghanistan," Aryan Yoon, a member of the foreign-relations committee of the Afghan parliament, said this week. "I think it will benefit both countries if we desist from talking about such issues."
Liwal, whose government-funded think tank researches strategic and foreign-policy issues, says most Afghans still dream of a return of the much bigger and united Afghanistan that existed before the advent of European colonialism in South Asia.
Modern Afghanistan emerged from the fragmentation of the Durrani dynasty, an 18th-century Pashtun empire based in the southern Afghan city of Kandahar. Internal rivalries and wars eventually weakened the dynasty's hold on regions that today constitute Pakistan and northern India.
Afghans in the both side of the Durandline are bond by blood, religion, culture, ethnicity and language & can't be divided #LoyAfghanistan
لکه ګل چې په اوبو باندې تازه شي
. داسې زړه مې ستا کتو باندې تازه شي
"like a rose that becomes fresh with the touch of water
such is my heart, becomes fresh at the sight of you."
Our War Against the Pashtuns
"In any case, most of them are not really fighting for the Taliban as such, but for what they see as the defense of their country and their honor, and for revenge for relatives killed by Western forces. The apparently overwhelming US and Northern Alliance victory has however proved largely illusory in the long run not only because of the underlying strength of Pashtun numbers in the region, but because Pashtun conservatism has been re-energized by the US and NATO military presence itself.
Quite apart from the absolutely disastrous aspects of Western strategy and behavior over the years and the awful character of the Karzai regime we put in place in Kabul, the US and NATO "occupation" of Afghanistan has fed into an absolutely central premise of Pashtun culture, which is—in the words of a supporter of the secular and anti-Taliban Awami National Party in Pakistan—that "every Pashtun is brought up from his cradle to believe that to resist foreign occupation is part of what it is to do Pashto," in other words to follow the honorable path of a Pashtun. "
Pashto Landay : A form of Afghan poetry
Pashto Landay Anonymous Pashto Couplets Landay are those national couplets in Pashto whose authors are unknown. They can, therefore, be called mirrors which reflect the sentiments and passions of every sensitive pashtoon man and woman. These couplets are sung and enjoyed among lofty mountains, verdant valleys, vast deserts and sylvan surroundings, in villages and towns, by the side of the cascading waterfall and the humble nomadic tent, on the shepherd's flute and the orchard-keeper's reed pipe, in short in every corner of the land of the Pashtoons. The oldsters sing them in memory of a youth which is no more; young men and maidens seek the intoxicating tumult of a passionate youth in their lines; for the lovelorn they are messengers of words sweet and divine; the swordsmen dance to their melody on the battlefield; and the weary traveler forgets the pangs of separation from home in their sweet words. These couplets, composed of plain, easily understood, yet fluent language, are totally free of the influence of foreign, languages. Although some pushto poems are based on Arabic prosody yet these couplets are not only unfettered by Arabic versification, they are based on a syllabic-prosody of their own in as much as the first line of the couplet has nine syllables and the second thirteen. Another outstanding quality of these couplets in that contrary to the general pattern of poetry in most (Landay) the woman address the man. This is so because compared to the male the sentiments of the female are more tender, her sorrow more profound and he voice more sweeter, and that is why the (Landay) are more moving in their effects, and the enjoyment is proportionately greatr than that found in conventional pushto poetry. Similarly every (Landay) couplet can be recited in different ways on different occasions. To be more explicit, a Landay couplet can be sung in different tunes and with different musical notes in combat and rejoicing, while traveling, whether inactive or dancing, in travail and happiness, in fact at all times and on all occasions.
ُExamples of Pashto landay.
پاس په كمر ولاړه ګله!
نصيب دچايي اوبه زه درخيژومه
O Flower that you grow on the mountain side;
The duty to water you belongs to me, but to whom would you belong?
زړه مي هلك دي راته ژاړي
چه رانه غواړي دپردي باغچوګلونه
My heart is like a child; it cries,
and demands flowers from a stranger's garden.
ستا به د ګلو دوران تير شۍ
زما به پاته شۍ دزړه سوۍ داغونه
The blooming season of your beauty will pass;
But the scorched patches on my heart will always remain fresh.
په ګل ګلاب دي و ويشتمه
تر لاس دي جارشم دښمنانو وليدمه
You have thrown a rose at me;
blessed be thy hands, but malevolent eyes have noticed.
مخ دي ګلاب سترګي دي شمعي
نه پري پوهيږم چه بورا كه بتنګه شمه
Your face is a rose and your eyes are candles;
Faith! I am lost, should i become a butterfly or a moth?
زه دپسرلۍ تر ګل تازه وم
ستا په بيلتون كښي لكه پاڼه زيړه شوم
I used to be more fresh than spring blossoms, O Beloved!
But your separation has turned me yellow like an autumn leaf.
ستا په يوه تومت رنګ زيړشو
زه دتومت جامي په غاړه ګرزومه
Your cheeks have been paled with only one slander;
while I am clothed from head to foot with calumnies.
Read more here
Ranra - Ismail and Junaid
Pashto song
Jaar jaar zama ranra zama laila da-
(O love, You are the light of my life)
jaar jaar zama drana agha waina-
(O love, You are the depth of my speech)
stanza 1:
Toro shpo ki ragharegi stargey da janat pa khwa-
(In the shade of night, I wake up besides heaven)
storo ghundhay rawarigi noor ay da makh pa ma-
( Like the stars, Her glow brightens my face)
yakh zra ki mi raabaleegi oor da janaan pa khwa-
(In my cold heart, She ignites the fire again)
khoog ghunday uss lagegi har naway sitam pa ma-
(Now I take pleasure in all the cruel acts bestowed upon me)
Nwar warta salam wai,daasey yao ranra wai-
(The sun bows to the light of my beloved)
Stanza 2:
Maayo ki wai nishta dai,khumaar ay dai shundaano ki-
(Her lips hold intoxication, what the goblet of wine can't)
hooro ki wai nishta dai, haya ay da chishmaano ki-
(Her eyes hold the shyness that houris don't)
sparli ki wai nishta dai, wagma ay da zulfanu ki-
(Spring can't bear, the fragrance of her hair)
soori ki wai nishta dai,wafa ay da mayaano ki-
(Shadows don't bear the loyalty her admirers hold)
Stanza 3:
Gora chi praday shay ta, wora um zama ay ta-
(You're mine even in the hold of a stranger)
um zama zawaal ay ta,um zama parwaaz ay ta-
(You're my peak, and my fal)
Ismail pa kama kama dai,Udrawa sailaab ta-
(Ismail is embraced by hardships, let the floods stop flow)
Armaan mi thama thama dai, Raora Inqilaab ta-
(My frustrated desire still awaits the blood-free Revolution)
Qarar - Ismail and Junaid
smail and Junaid's debut song Qarar (pashto song)
Lyrics: Ismail and Junaid
Rubab: Farhan Bogra
QARAR (English Translation)
Oh Lord! Turn me into droplets of rain so I dribble on her pretty face,
Or make her beloved so that my face may burn in the flames of thy love.
I adore and love the crimson layer on her lips,
Oh friends take me to her, for here i am confined.
O! serenity embrace me! O serenity, embrace me!..
All sorrow and grief disappears when i see her beautiful face and yet misery begins to haunt me when the face of that star disappears into the distance.
If you make me yours,i will build castles of dreams for you.
And if you have forsake me,i will break down the castles built in reality.
I'm 'ghani' for I long for the goblet of beloved's lips
I'm 'maftoon' for I break through sanity for the sake of my love
I'm 'Khatir' for my love is pure
I'm 'Ismail' for I love with my dripping blood
O! serenity embrace me! O serenity, embrace me!..
که افغان ېمه، خو انسان یمه..اخر ولی مې وژنۍ، حېران یمه
Pashto, known as Afghan in Farsi and Pathan in Punjabi (the two languages being located on either side of Pashto), is the native language of the indigenous Pashtun people who are found primarily between an area south of the Amu Darya in Afghanistan and west of the Indus River in Pakistan. It is a member of the Eastern Iranian languages group spoken in Pakistan and Afghanistan as well as by the Pashtun diaspora around the world.
Pashto belongs to the Northeastern branch of the Indo-Iranian language family, although Ethnologue lists it as Southeastern. The number of Pashtuns or Pashto-speakers is estimated 50-60 million people world wide.
In Pakistan, Pashto is the first language of about 15.42% of Pakistan's 170 million people. It is the main language of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, Federally Administered Tribal Areas (FATA) and northwestern Balochistan, but also spoken in parts of Mianwali and Attock districts of the Punjab province as well as by Pashtuns who are found living in different cities throughout the country. Modern Pashto-speaking communities are also found in the cities of Karachi and Hyderabad in Sindh. In 1984, Pashto was permitted to be used as the medium of instruction in primary schools.
Other communities of Pashto speakers are found in northeastern Iran, primarily in South Khorasan Province to the east of Qaen, near the Afghan border, and in Tajikistan. There are also communities of Pashtun communities descent in the southwestern part of Jammu and Kashmir.


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Early Start on Appropriations May Not Preclude Need for CR
- April 27, 2014
- comments: 0
Despite a renewed emphasis from appropriators in both chambers on passing fiscal 2015 spending bills before the new fiscal year begins, there's a distinct possibility that one or more measures will not be passed and force Congress to rely on a continuing resolution (CR). One likely candidate for being held back is defense appropriations, primarily so congressional leaders can force movement on other spending bills, reports CQ. Also, the Pentagon may not submit its FY 2015 request for overseas contingency operations until September …


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Hi Tom! "Your histories and physicals are impeccable… " Congratulations! Any advice on how to get there? As a medical student who has just started bedside clinics, I find them challenging. Thank you! :-)
I do not think I will ever shake that feeling of being a student doctor. The learning never stops. For the basic clinical skills like doing physicals and taking vitals, I became more comfortable with practice and repetition. Now, I am at a point where I am comfortable enough to be thorough, put some of the pieces together, and figure out a basic differential based on the findings. For many other advanced skills that I have not had much exposure to, I still feel as lost as I did when I first learned the basic skills. To feel truly qualified is going to take more practice and experience.
Do not forget the DRE.
I did do a pelvic exam with a GTA and it was a very unique and very helpful experience. There were a couple of GTAs, and with them we went through various maneuvers and different exams, like the Pap smear and the bimanual. I really appreciated and respected their presence and willingness to go through those very private and intimate exams with us. The feedback from that experience was invaluable. Though we only went through the exams once, I definitely feel a little more comfortable with performing them now.
As the eight of us crammed into the examining room, the doctor quickly greeted the volunteer patient, an old acquaintance. The elderly woman had been waiting in the room patiently as we discussed the clinical finding and examination techniques for skin lesions next door. She had a book in her lap, and quickly set it aside as we all shuffled into the room.
"Everyone, this is JS. She will be our subject today." She sat still in her chair, looking at us pleasantly.
"We will do this one at a time. Come up here, feel, and describe your findings," the doctor said in a soft voice. He looked to the student closest to him, and ushered him closer, pointing at a particular lesion on her arm. He quickly went to work trying to identify it.
"It feels flat…small diameter…so a macule…" and on he went. Still, the patient sat, motionless as this stranger felt and scratched at the mark on her arm.
For a moment, she looked at him, smiling. However, realizing that he was too invested in his findings to respond, she quickly looked elsewhere. I observed as she tried to get back to her book but unable to keep the pages open with only one hand, she abandoned the idea and decided to sit and wait as we all took our turn.
By the third student examining a lesion close to her forehead, she was visibly bored. Still, no one had addressed her. Not even a hello.
It was my turn next, and even as the doctor tried to point out a lesion for me to identify, I quickly leaned in to shake her hand: "Hi, my name is Tom." She sat up in her seat and beamed at me: "Nice to meet you, I'm J."
It was a simple gesture, one that took less than five seconds to do. The interaction was humanizing, and put a patient that was otherwise not engaged in the situation at ease. A simple recognition is sometimes all that separates a good encounter from a great encounter.
As I move forward into my clinical years, as I see more patients in my life, it is important for me to recognize the person behind every encounter, behind every chart, behind every diagnosis. It all begins with the words: "Hello, my name is…"


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They say mind can see & imagine things which the eyes cannot. It can take the soul
to paradises... create things beyond the realms of possibility.
Welcome to the world of visual effects... a world where possibilities lay abundant,
opportunities bloom in every corner, & where free-thinking rules. Experience a joy
ride full of ideas. Dream... create. Let your imagination soar, fly, reach out to
the land of wonders.
Welcome to the universe of visual effects. Welcome to Redfire!